#which is more dramatic than my reading on actual birds

[factorialsotherfandoms]

So you know how breaking certain bones can fuck up a bird's respiratory system... *side eyes q!Philza*

[goodluckclove]

I'm having a lot of fun talking with people about why they struggle in their writing, and I figure I'd share a little bit about what would keep me from writing. It's especially relevant given how soon Blind Trust is coming out - and, like I said, if you're willing to be real to me I'll be real right back.

I'll put it under a read more, as I've had the amount of alcohol that it takes me to be extra loose - meaning half of one canned cocktail. And I don't want to freak anyone out who doesn't want to see me feel a little more angsty than I tend to be online. But as I said before, I want to be honest about the craft as much as I urge others to be.

Here we goooo. Say goodbye to proper capitalization babies, Dad's getting funky.

so i started writing when i was twelve years old. i wrote carnation, a 10k word zombie novella about thinly-veiled representations of me and my two best friends at the time fighting zombies. it wasn't very good. i never wrote anything before. i enjoyed it though, so i proceeded to keep writing, near-constantly for the next fifteen years.

here's the thing, though, and it's something i don't see a lot of elder writers talk about. probably because it's not a super pleasant thing to hear, but i'm pretty sure i could pull it off.

uh, my name is clove gardener. i'm twenty-seven years old now. and i do not think i'm that good of a writer.

i don't think i'm bad. i mean, i've been published. i've worked as a copywriter and a ghostwriter. i've written for work for a few years now, so - like - objectively it must be passable. i don't hate my writing. i think it's accessible, which is cool. but if you were to ask me hey do you think you're a good writer? i would skirt around the question without answering directly until i could figure out a way to change the subject.

at this point i don't think that's going to go away. the improvement, though, has been that i barely think about that anymore. it's like there's a little dipshit in the back of my head, and occasionally he will hiss-whisper this is shit what are you doing until I find a way to shut him up.

i kind of feel like that's just the thing that happens when you're a writer. it's the camp i'd rather be in, at least. because the alternative is that i'm a really good writer who might consider themselves capable to claim authority and tell you how to do things i actually know nothing about. i'd rather have doubt. maybe less than what i have now, but still.

writers, i think, overlap with theater kids in the sense of being dramatic little piss babies. i am proud to say that i am significantly less of a piss baby than i potentially could be, especially considering that i'm in writing and theater. but you're bound to be a little dramatic at some point.

i think in the six-ish months since i've started blind trust, i've had maybe two creative existential crises. that's pretty good. that's reasonable. and they were not too unproductive either. i've learned that you can feel whiny and pitying and scared and self-loathing, and still do the thing.

i don't think you should publish your book. cool, ryan (i named my inner dipshit ryan). i'm doing it anyway.

nobody actually wants to pay money for it. yeah, ryan. maybe.

you're a terrible writer. i like it, though. i want to see how it ends. so let's keep going.

if you're wanting to publish/self-publish, and you think you don't have a chance because you aren't a beacon of self-assurance and confidence - guess what, buddy, i don't think many of the greats were. it's almost a stereotype i've seen of famous writers also being angsty weirdos who crumble into despair because the apple they ate was slightly too mealy (this is based on nothing but i can see it happening to kafka). if you think you can't be a writer because you aren't like me - friend, colleague, son, daughter, child, we are both angsty weirdos and that's okay.

last week i sobbed because riley showed me a video where a kiwi bird was sad and we had to spend the rest of the night watching videos of kiwi birds before donating to a kiwi bird charity. i make one phone call to the doctor and i have to lie down for the rest of the day. i am kind, i am fun, i am funny, and i am also like three bad dice rolls away from a breakdown. you can be both of those things. i have nuance.

i'm fine, by the way. it's been a good day. i'm just stressed about publishing because the thought of asking people to pay Human Currency for my work makes me deeply uncomfortable. but we're going to fucking deal with that, aren't we, ryan?

i don't know if this is unprofessional to reveal, but if it convinces one person to pursue a life in writing even though they sometimes take a trip to the Panic Zone, fuck it. i'm fine, you're fine, we're all going to be fine.

we should name our inner dipshits. drop your dipshit names below. ryan is your classic little goblin, but he's dressed like an e-boy. i think he vapes. i hate him.

[staycalmandhugaclone]

I Missed You, Too

This is almost entirely @drafthorsemath's fault. We were talking about Crosshair and got sad... so I needed write a little something and figured I'd kill two birds with one stone for the Clone x Reader Bingo prompt: Bed. (It's not spicy - I just wanted a tiny snip of fluff)

In my head, this is a Doc/Crosshair future scene, but it can be read as gender neutral and totally apart from the Doc Series.

Warnings: Crosshair being Crosshair, but he's really a softy. Snuggling in bed. Probably one of the least Warning-heavy things I've written

Words: 660

I knew he’d be there, sprawled out on my cot as if it were the most natural thing in the world, feigning pure ignorance to the way seeing him like that made my heart jump as wisps of glee sparked through my stomach. I knew he’d allude to some annoyance that I’d intruded while he was so near to sleep, all the while fighting the faintest hint of a smile as he reached for me, and I knew that he wouldn’t dare let himself actually begin to drift off until he held me firmly in his arms, but there will always be some profound disconnect in consciously anticipating these things, in imaging the façade of a scowl ruined by the love he couldn’t quite keep from those golden eyes, in remembering the feel of his hands and the warmth of his touch, the strength of his embrace surrounding me and the steady beat of his heart thudding softly against my cheek, with actually living through those breath-taking moments.

His arm already lay draped dramatically over his eyes as the door hissed open, flooding the room with an unforgiving light, and I couldn’t stifle the tiny chuckle that caught in my throat at his grumble.

“I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to show up.” Crosshair drawled with a careful boredom that I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at as I walked past him to set my supplies down on the counter to be dealt with later.

“Keep giving me that attitude and maybe I’ll find somewhere else to sleep tonight.” I retorted, but before I could take more than a few steps back toward the door, his arms latched about my waist, wrenching a bark of laughter from me as he hauled me toward him, something torn between a growl and a grunt rumbling from his chest.

“Alright, alright! Scoot over!” I yielded, joy singing through my voice. He refused to release me as he shifted slightly, guiding me down until I lay nestled atop his chest, body thrilling in the want fueling his hold, in the flutter of his breath through my hair as he lightly touched his lips to my brow.

“I missed you, too.” I whispered, and it was so nearly teasing were it not for the depth of some unspoken promise veiled within those words. I’ve missed you just as desperately as you’ve missed me. I understand all the secret murmurs you can’t bring yourself to say through any means other than hidden touches and the covetous strength of your embrace. I couldn’t think and not wonder about you, if you were safe, if you were happy, if you were thinking about me, too. I couldn’t breathe without searching for the scent of you upon the air, and not a moment passed in which I didn’t long to return to you.

Trying to put the entirety of those thoughts into words would only work to cheapen the violence of emotion fueling them, and so we said nothing more as a relief more profound than the first rays of sun after an unending winter storm settled quietly about the room. I felt the deep breath slowly leave him, taking with it all of the tension and fear and worry that weighed upon every second we were apart, and found my own breath mimicking his in that same release.

I’d known he’d be here, laying atop my bed in the perfect allusion to an effortless sleep we both knew he’d been robbed of since I’d left. I’d known he’d play the role of aloof impatience all the while restraining himself from giving in to the need to feel me against him until the last minute. And I knew his lips now pulled into a gentle smile that he’d never reveal to anyone but me as we finally allowed ourselves to rest, eager for the comfort of the coming night safe in each other’s arms.

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[pandoa]

a wheel for two

you ride a motorcycle-like vehicle together

~feat. deuce spade and epel felmier~ ~twisted wonderland x gender neutral reader~

because u guys told me to go clear my drafts warnings: not proof read lol

♡hold on tight♡

“Are you sure you wanna come along? We can hop off and just look around on foot if you’re not sure about this,” Deuce warily said as he turned his head to look back at you, who was currently shifting your position to fit on the wheel’s seat.

“No, no, it’s fine,” you sighed, “Grim’s too fast to catch on foot; we need to.”

The first year seated before you hesitantly listened to your voice as the setting of the sun above heightened the crucialness of needing to find your beast companion. The tuna-obsessed creature seemed to run off again after a dull lesson with Professor Trein, and both you and Deuce had made it your responsibility to catch him before the cat found himself in any trouble.

“Okay then… Just to warn you, though,” Deuce continued with a slight pause to his sentence as if he were adding to dramatic effect, “I tend to drive a bit fast.”

“Oh c’mon, it can’t be that bad. I’ve survived far worse than a little speed. Go ahead,” you quickly waved your hands to signal the young boy to start the magical wheel. There was simply no more time to lose.

The blue-haired boy then placed a sturdy-looking helmet onto both of your heads, positioning his hands onto the vehicle’s handles as it made a roaring sound throughout Night Raven’s courtyard. “Alright… Then, uhm, hold on to the sides of my jacket. And tight.”

“Gotcha,” you easily agreed, mindlessly wrapping your two arms around Deuce’s waist. Raring to go on your search, you immediately began to scan your surroundings for the final time as the first year checked a few last-minute details on the magical wheel.

Though you did fail to notice a flushed red tint on Deuce’s face the moment you held onto the boy’s figure.

“Oh, and Deuce could you—OH MY SEVENS YOU WEREN’T LYING ABOUT YOUR SPEED—”

♡wind in his hair♡

“You’re not supposed to be here, are you?”

“Nope.”

“Vil would be furious if he saw what you were doing right now, right?”

“Extremely.”

“And do you even feel just a single tinge of guilt because of this?”

“Nada.”

A hollow silence played throughout the front of Ramshackle causing you to deadpan at the young boy’s indifference. There you both stood, brightly colored magical wheel dividing the space between you two, as you watched how the birds in the sky seemed to fly without any other care in the world—something they and your purple-haired friend had in common, you thought.

“Of course,” you sighed, placing a tired hand to your forehead in defeat, “Where are we going, anyway?”

Epel began to play with the charms on the vehicle’s keys as he gave you a look of uncertainty that twisted into an expression of slight embarrassment, “I’m actually… not sure.”

“You don’t know?!”

“Hey, calm down,” the Pomefiore first year attempted to hush your worries, quickly turning his head to make sure no one else had heard your outburst, “Jus’ trust me and get on b’fore Vil finds us. I’m sure Rook’s already noticed I snuck out of etiquette lessons again.”

Reluctantly, you then complied to the boy’s wishes as you continued muttering soft objections to Epel’s own decisions despite cautiously hopping onto the wheel’s cushioned seat and gaining back your composure. You then made sure to secure your grip onto Epel’s waist as the blaring sounds of the magical wheel surrounded your ears, preparing yourself for the rough ride ahead of you. 

“Alright. Take us wherever, then.”

Epel, hearing your final agreement, began gradually increasing the speed of the wheel as the lightning-like force of the vehicle created a strong wind which blew past both you and Epel with its strength. And although you had found yourself to, at first, fear the fast-moving magical wheel, you came to see that all your past worries dissipated the instant Epel had begun to drive.

The only thing you could focus on was the captivating way the wind had brushed through the boy’s silk hair. 

a/n: KACHOWWWWWWWWWWWW

[seriesxwriting]

Hi darling!

I absolutely love your writing and I actually have a request. Although if you’re not comfortable writing it that’s totally okay, because it’s a bit of a difficult subject

Could I request an rafe x plus-size reader where she’s struggling with her weight, and one day he comes by un announced and he finds her throwing up in the bathroom? Like he tries to comfort her but she’s pushing him away but in the end she lets him and she breaks down in his arms?

I’ve been really struggling myself lately, and I can’t ask for help or for someone to comfort me because no one knows about it so I guess reading about being comforted is the next best thing lol.

Again if you’re not comfortable writing this that’s totally okay <33

Thank you so much lovely! I’m glad you’re enjoying my writing!! I’m sorry that your going through that just remember your more than a number and we’re all beautiful it our own ways, please don’t hurt yourself <33

I’d do anything for you

W Rafe Cameron

Warnings- main character is struggling with weight, forcefully throwing up. Kissing, probably swearing somewhere you know what I’m like.

Series- outer banks

Summary- request <3

(I will proof read this later)

“Good morning, beautiful” Rafe whispered with a smile “too early shush” I shook my head pulling the covers over my face to hide the sunlight. “It’s almost ten” he laughed pulling them back off me. “That’s early” I whined finally giving into the sunlight. And Rafe. “I was sleeping in fact I was actually dreaming very peacefully may I add” “I’m sorry, I missed you” he grinned cheekily, leaning over the top of me, lowering his head for a kiss.

“Your lucky your cute or id be angry” my hand came up to holding the back of his head as our lips met for a few seconds. “Your so funny in the mornings” “im glad one of us is having fun” I sat up rubbing my eyes “but if this happens again I’ll have to ban you from sleeping over”. Rafe laughed shaking his head “so dramatic” “you love it” “I do” he said quickly following my reply.

“Your forgiven, I guess I do like waking up to you- which I won’t be able to do if you go on that business trip” I looked at him pouting “I have to go” Rafe smiled pulling me under his arm keeping me close. “But I’ll miss you” he kissed the top of my head gently. “Yeah me too” “don’t be sad love I’ve promised you that I’ll spend the whole day with you” Rafe reminded me, but I was still sad.

I hated when he left on his business trips. They always stressed Rafe out as well but he was adamant he had to prove himself. “And I’ll come see you the day I get back like I always do” “good” I kissed his hand smiling up at him. “So what do you want to do on my last day in the outer banks?” He raised an eyebrow squeezing me. “Um” I thought for a moment pretending to stroke an imaginary beard. “We could go to the beach” rafe suggested with a little twinkle. “No” I shook my head seriously.

“why do you hate the beach so much” Rafe questioned stroking my arm up and down. “I- I don’t I just don’t want to go” “is there a reason” he wondered out loud. “No” I replied bluntly hiding the real reason. “Okay love, but you know you can talk to me about anything Rafe kissed the top of my head supportively. “Can we just stay in? Watch some movies?” I questioned looking up at him. “Yeah sounds good Oo- we can order Chinese too I haven’t had one in donkeys” Rafe smirked wiggling his eyebrow. “Uh- yeah sure alright”.

So me and Rafe did exactly that, we stayed in my bed all day cuddling and watching what ever Netflix had to offer. We ordered our take away at around fiveish but when the sun disappeared and the birds went in for the night rafe got ready to leave me. For two weeks. He began packing his bag which I had to then take out and fold everything he’d scrunched in there.

“What would I do without you?” Rafe smiled across at me, watching me zip it up. “You’d wear creased clothes” I shrugged hiding a cheeky smirk on my face. A laugh tumbled out of the boys mouth. “The question is- what am I going to do without you” I asked him passing the bag into his hands. “I’ll face time you” “I know, just take it easy rafe don’t let it all stress you out you e proved yourself multiple times”

“It’s not about that y/n- not anymore” Rafe shook his head. “When my dad passes down his company to me, I need to keep it successful so I can provide for you and whatever family we have in the future”. My heart skipped a beat. I loved hearing Rafe talk about our future, it made me feel so excited. “I’ll never understand how I got so lucky with you rafe Cameron”. We both traveled downstairs hand in hand stoping at the front door. Rafe stepped out onto the doorstep before looking at me once more time.

“I’ll see you soon beautiful” Rafe leant down to kiss my lips softly and leant his his forehead against mine. “I love you” I made known quietly “I love you too y/n” he admitted tucking my soft hair behind my ear before treading down my stone steps towards his car. I waited there, leaning against the door watching Rafe with a little but noticeable smile on my lips until he drove out of sight. He was perfect. Just perfect. And I missed him already.

-next morning-

*knock knock*

“Rafe!? Y/n told me you had left for your trip by now?” My mother opened the door to the boy with a surprised look painted on her face. “Yeah I was supposed to be, it was cancelled though- thought I’d tell y/n in person” Rafe couldn’t hide the excitement on his face. It shows even in his body language.

“Awe she’ll be so happy- non stop she’s been telling me her plans to busy herself for two weeks” y/m/n laughed opening the door widely to let Rafe into the house. “Where is she?” “Uh- she hasn’t come down this morning- must be still sleeping” mother laughed shutting the door behind the boy. “Wouldn’t surprise me” Rafe started “She’s not a morning person” they both said at the same time laughing at the coincidence.

“I’ll go wake her up, thanks y/m/n” Rafe waved as he climbed the stairs, winding through the corridors to my bedroom. He opened the shut door to see the covers bunched up at the bottom of my bed. The boys ears twitched hearing a strange sound from the on-sweet, the door was slightly open. His eyes crossed trying to sus it out as his forhead wrinkled.

Rafe made his way over pushing the door open fully seeing me kneeling on the floor over the toilet with my fingers in my mouth throwing up my insides into the toilet bowl. “Y/n? What are you doing?” “Rafe- what are you doing here go away!” my eyes grew wide as tears started to come through. “Why are you doing that?” His face dropped in sadness and in complete shock.

“Just go away Rafe!” I raised my voice slightly but he didn’t listen. He walked over to me closing the lid of the toilet and sinking to his knees trying to embrace me. “Stop it! Just stop it” I shook my head pushing his hands away from me. The first tear dropped out my eye in that moment. “No y/n, I’m not going anywhere” he grabbed my hand that was pushing him and held it. “Why aren’t you listening to me- Just go away Rafe i don’t deserve you” I cried giving into him anyway.

I didn’t really want him to leave me. Secretly. His arms wrapped round me and one of his hands held my head against his chest. He didn’t say anything for a while, until my cry turned into a little sob. “Why are you doing that- why didn’t you tell me you were doing that?” He questioned keeping me close, Rafe’s voice sounded shaky. “Don’t pretend you don’t know why I’m doing it” “I don’t?” Rafe replied sounding genuine.

“Look at me Rafe!” I pulled away to look into his face. “Y/n i can never stop looking at you” he shook his head, his eyes and face were soft. “Your beautiful” “stop it stop lying to me” “why would I lie to you?” He queried making me laugh. It was the only way I could cope with the awkwardness of the situation. “Stop laughing this is serious” Rafe warned me. “Look at you rafe and then look at your girlfriend”

“I don’t know why you think I see you as anything other than beautiful- I’m in love with you y/n” he held my face with his hand. “Why don’t you see what I see?” Rafe questioned quietly “I don’t know Rafe- I wish I did but I don’t” my shoulders shrugged once heavily. Rafe pulled me into his arms again “tell me something” rafe whispered in my ear “What do I say to you every morning”.

I thought for a second thinking back to our mornings. “Good morning beautiful” i said in a small voice “and what about when I leave you? What do I say every time” Rafe squeezed me gently “I’ll see you soon beautiful” I answered with an eyebrow raise as realisation bagan to sink in. “I wouldn’t change a single thing about you y/n I love you the way you are, your beautiful the exact way you are”

“I understand you think that Rafe but I don’t see that- I feel insecure I don’t feel happy within myself” “y/n I will help you through this I will support you through this but doing that isn’t the way” he shook his head gently stroking my hair. I looked at the floor knowing deep down he was right. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself, ever” Rafe admitted throwing me a sad look. I’d never seen that look on him. “Please just promise me you’ll talk to me instead of doing this again- it’s so pernicious y/n”

“Okay- I’ll talk to next time I feel like doing it” I nodded but then my face scrunched up and I looked at him confused. “Wait- your not breaking up with me?” “What? No of course why would you think that” rafe desperately replied with a wrinkled forhead. I didn’t have a good answer for that so I just shrugged my shoulders. Rafe stood up holding his hand out, helping me stand up. Wrapping an arm over my shoulder he brought me in front of a mirror.

“I love you y/n, i see my future in you- I see my future, wife the future mother of my children and my beautiful girlfriend” he said to me through the mirror making me smile widely leaning my head against his shoulder. “You see all of that?” I looked up at him “even when you cry your beautiful” rafe whispered wiping the tears off my wet cheeks. “And I’ll keep telling you that until you believe me” “thank you Rafe” i faintly spoke.

He kiss my forehead squeezing his eyes shut. “No need to thank me beautiful, I’d do anything for you”.

—————————————

[cherryskeletoncake]

Helo i'm the anon who made the ask about the song love like you!

I'm Leaf or 🌿anon but most call me Leafie, nice to meet you, I really like your blog so If life let's me I'll be more often in your asks :]

Also: Yes please rant about Techza I love them so much and there isn't enough content about them in this planet!

I love how you headcanon almost all the same things that I do :DDD

Most people think that Technoblade is the one with the most bottled up feelings but to be honest I feel like that is Philza. He's always the father of the group and the one you always expect to be the "responsable" one, of course that bird man knows how to hide his emotions and keep them all inside him which sometimes makes unable to actually show them freely.

I feel like an example of that is Technoblade's execution, most people put Philza in fanarts or animatics in a really emotional state. But to me, how Philza actually reacted was more like "Oh... This is actually hapenning... huh?-" like in acceptance, I hc that he was in shock and didn't know how to properly respond to the situation at hand. Also because he's inmortal, he has seen many people die in his life but seeing Technoblade almost die was the second thing after many centuries that made him shed more than a tear afterwards. (First one was when wilbur died)

Omg I didn't realize how long what I wrote was until I stopped typping lmao i'm sorry-

Leafie i adore you already, kiking my feet and giggeling like a school girl here, love to see you in my asks🌸

I’m nodding my head in agreement here. Techno is actually pretty emotionally stable and in touch with himself, but philza is hiding his emotions a lot. Or maybe not hiding, but a lot of people read philza a little wrong if they don’t actually watch his pov. This includes the other caracters as well. (Witch is one of the things that make story told like the dream smp so fun. You get really close to one caracter, but it’s harder to read other caracters becouse you only see them trugh somebodyelses eyes. You don’t get the other caracters ‘’inner monologues’’ from the streamer when you just watch one pov <3 love that)

Love how you used the execution as a exsample becouse it fits really well! If you’ve only watched techno, tubbo or quackity’s pov you wouldn’t know that philza broke out of his ‘house arrest’ to follow the butcher army as they went to find techno. Philza knew they were comming and his ‘act of surprise ’ when they brought techno in is only half true. Philza had hoped techno would have been able to escape (he knows techno like that) and his ‘’I can’t believe they actually cought you’’ is genuine but not quite as dramatic as the animations make out. But there is genuine concern for techno and resentment growing for new l’manberg growing in phil when he sees tubbo and fudy (and quackity and ranboo but they don’t have too much of a ‘conection’ with phil yet) actually go trough with their plans against techno.

But for someone who doesn’t watch phil or techno and might not ‘know’ philza as well during that scene might think of his emotions like dipair and fear for this frend and his own entapment. But someone who watches both techno and philza can see that phil is actually keeping a very leveld and calm attitude, conerned? Yes, techno is his best frend after all and loosing him like this would be horrefying. But not quite in dispair like he was over having killed wilbur. Shock is a good reading of his feelings, but i also found him more frustrated that he can’t do anyting than sad. (Phil was not happy when tubbo shot that arrow at him. Litterly a ‘’philza will remember this’’ type of moment lol)

Techno and Phil both hold their emotions close and uses them to fouel their actions. But techno is better at knowing himself and making himself clear with what he’s saying (if only people actually listen to him) and philza tends to pretend and hide his true feelings, like a mask that might look like what he’s actually feeling, but it’s a little stiff. Philza might also be better at lying than techno, like in a cassual way. (Techno is actually pretty bad at telling lies when confronted, he can make exscuses and avoid the question, but when confronted directly he gest … idk ‘figety’? It’s fun to see)

I’m once again rambeling. There are just so many ways to inerpert them! Philza and his emotions is so funny to see in how he RP’s as a content creator, and i feel like he’s really grown a lot at being more clear when he’s ‘acting as a caracter’ in the qsmp vs the dream smp.

[spidercookie18]

Which of the Lost Boys do you think is the most likely to…

Be mistaken for a celebrity?

Have visited the most states or even countries?

Have a collection of books that they may or may not have read entirely?

Speak a foreign language fluently?

Identify types of flowers?

Have the most body count?

Be a sadist?

Be the best at math?

Give someone the wrong directions (intentionally)?

Be an extra in a zombie movie?

Have read a Harlequin book?

Win at trivia?

Give the best hugs?

Fall from the tree?

Enjoy pineapple on their pizza?

My babies!

ALSO: I mention 'adult topics'. So kids, fuck off okay?

Aightttt let's get this shit staaarteeddd

Which of the Lost Boys do you think is the most likely to…

Be mistaken for a celebrity?

I actually know fuck all about celebrities. But I’d think that Paul and Dwayne would get mistaken for celebrities, or rock stars, just because they look so rocker. Mostly Paul, but when he’s flustered he doesn’t know what to do, so the others have to come and save him like, “yeahhh we’re in a band. A rock band. Wanna come rock out with us?” Of course they’re gonna eat the groupies, but why not have fun with it?

Have visited the most states or even countries?

David- he is old as balls, he's been in at least the US and Canada, and he's gone through most of the contiguous states with Max. Least is Paul, he’s kinda like Charlie from IASIP when they try to leave Philly and he does everything in his power to stay there, lol. Gripping the cave walls while all the boys pull on his legs trying to get him to leave, sweet baby loves his new home and doesn’t wanna go anywhere, “you can’t make me!” type stuff when they’re just going down the road.

Have a collection of books that they may or may not have read entirely?

Collection of books? Dwayne, but he reads them for Laddie; they’re a combination of children’s books, philosophy and romantic nationalism. Books for themselves, David. He's a hoarder, and secretly looooves romance books, especially the dirty kind of dramatic ones. Paul probably has some comics or manga’s, just cause he likes looking at the pictures. And Marko has a few books on different species of birds and flowers.

Speak a foreign language fluently?

All the boys do! Marko and Dwayne’s mother tongue is not English. David and Paul were bilingual from childhood. David speaks French, Marko Italian, Dwayne Russian and Spanish, and Paul speaks German. But of course, they’re all teaching each other how to speak their language. Kinda like duolingo, except if you don’t practice it’s not an owl coming for you, it’s a big scary ass vampire.

Identify types of flowers?

Marko, David and Dwayne because of their mothers, and Paul because boyscouts.

Have the most body count?

Before death? Close call between David and Marko, but I'd say Marko. AD? Between Marko and Paul, or maybe Paul and Dwayne? They all b fuckin, and honestly when you get old enough you stop counting. Buuuuut David is the least promiscuous, just cause it's hard for him to find a compatible partner. He likes to flirt, but he usually turns them into a capris sun before he even gets his pants off.

Be a sadist?

Sadist??? In a vampire??? Naaaaaah. Lol. From most sadistic to least is Marko, David, Dwayne, and Paul. Sweet baby Paul is more sub than dom, Marko is dom/sub but you have to drag it out of him. ALSO, depending on how someone fucks with the boys (like pisses em off) they can be 0 to 100. They all have the capacity for it, just mostly Marko and Dwayne stay ready to fuck someone up for their family.

Be the best at math?

Best at math?...... Paul, but only because he thinks it's a "party trick."

Give someone the wrong directions (intentionally)?

All of them?? lmao. They're assholes, love. Depending on their mood it can be not as bad, but also who would ask these specific boys for directions???? Not me, and I am obsessed with them.

Be an extra in a zombie movie?

Marko and Paul would love the attention, but they might get too into character so David and Dwayne would have to tag along to make sure they didn't actually eat someone alive on film. They'd have sooooo much fun with it, and the boys would steal soooooooooo much shit from set lmao.

Have read a Harlequin book?

*Googling what this means* ooh, you mean smut? Yeah, no all of them have. Dwayne started it. He’s got a solid stash hidden somewhere, then Paul found it, blushed and Marko saw him. Paul, sweet thing was giggling and then got embarrassed, so Marko went to investigate. Marko got bricked up, then started keeping a stash. Then he became a problem with it, David had to confiscate it and then HE got bricked up. Anyways, the boys share books now 😂😂 it's a group effort to maintain and add to the collection.

Win at trivia?

(Technically they all could bc telepathy, and you KNOW they would cheat) but id still have to go with David. But only when he is belligerent levels of drunk. This fucker is so gd old he knows everything. Yes, even the nerd stuff. Then the boys have to leave early because he'll start saying some, "back in my day it was actually..." shit, talking about the 1800s.

Scaring the hoes type behavior, smh.

Give the best hugs?

I gotta skip this one, thinking of the kinds of hugs they would give made me giggle like a bitxh in heat. I'll come back to it later. Probably Marko, because he secretly loves giving hugs. He will pretend he doesn’t but if you ask him for a hug when you’re crying or something he will never let you go. Then Dwayne, just cause hes so big, like it would be a bear hug. Then David, because he is so warm with those damn jackets. Last is Paul because he'd accidently stab you with his safety pins.

Fall from the tree?

Paul. My hc for Paul is that he is a MAGNET for bad luck. Sweet baby would be dead if he was still alive. He’s fallen out of the sky while flying, like he thought it would be funny to freefall and then forgot to stop before he got to the bottom. He broke a SHIT TON of bones when he hit the ocean surface. David told him not too, and he didn't listen. Also fallen off his bike quite a few times, also Marko’s bike and Dwayne’s bike. Got thrown through a window and ate glass, like he just got it in his mouth and swallowed it. Got hit by a train, bus, multiple cars, David’s ran him over on the bike too lol, and almost sucked into a jet engine. Tried to do the Houdini escape thing and fucking drowned. David just sat back and told the guys not to free him, said he "had to learn to stop doing shit like that" and they just watched him drown. After a few minutes Paul just stared at them and pouted, David half contemplated leaving him there, but Paul started crying. Got Attacked by wolves, a flock of seagulls, one time a rat bit him, and he got bubonic plague. So yeah, he’s definitely fallen out of the damn tree. I can see him bouncing up and down in excitement before feeding time and slip and fall like 10 feet lmaoooo, the guys all got caught sitting in the tree because they busted out laughing. This poor baby has full-blown bad luck.

Enjoy pineapple on their pizza?

Dwayne lolllll. Marko would give him shit for it and Dwayne would be like "shut up and eat your pizza before I throw you in the ocean."

[professoruber]

Thoughts of Birds of Prey (2023-) #6

Spoilers for Birds of Prey (2023-) #6

So the newest issue of the current Birds of Prey comic has recently come out and I guess since I took the time to make multiple fairly long-ish posts about this run, I should go over my thoughts here.

To sum things up... I thought it okay but also not really too big of a fan by the end of it. I didn't exactly dislike it, but I guess it left me with too many questions and felt a bit too contrived. It was enjoyable enough, but kinda felt like my enjoy-ness of it decreased with each subsequent issue. It wasn't bad, but I guess that's my knee-jerk fresh reaction.

Of course, it still possible that there is more to the story than there is now and that future issues will reveal new information which might clear up some of my issues more, I'll be discussing that as well...

Note again that I am a novice in comics, and Gotham Academy was one of the first I read fully so perhaps I'm biased in that area. But to go over my thoughts for why I kinda feel slightly disappointed in more detail...

What was the point of Meridian?

Warning of future doom, apparently. So as it turns out, the real reason that Barbara wasn't include was because she died eleven times already

(the fact that this was far from Meridian's first attempt was foreshadowed last issue with her noting where the last battle "always is"). So someone is out to get the Birds of Prey, and they're possibly using Future Maps time travel tech to do it.

While this does somewhat answer the question of why Barbara was specifically excluded; still doesn't explain the secrecy.

Like, all these visions of Barbara dying have her in her Batgirl outfit, so couldn't she just have been informed she'd die and asked to oversee the mission as Oracle? Or does that also somehow lead to her death?

Being kept in the loop would also presumably have greatly helped avoid awkward feelings like this. And from what I know of Barbara, her tactical mind is probably more valuable than her martial art skills. But I guess whatever evil time traveller is targeting the BoP would've found a way to get to Babs anyway? (also on a side note; Barbara getting hurt by not being included was at least one thing I kinda predicted. My other, more thougt-out predictions though... well I'll get to those in a bit)

It also confirms that Dinah indeed did not apparently get any explanation for why she had to exclude Barbara until after the mission was complete and.... that feels weird?

Like I said, I'm a novice on comics (although I am now definitely adding more Birds of Prey stuff to my to-read list) so I'm not the biggest expert on these characters. Nevertheless it feels that Black Canary here would've agreed to attack Wonder Woman and her people while excluding Oracle all on the word of a time traveller she's likely never met before (and in the present is a teenager who she's likely never met before either) without even demanding a damn good explanation first.

I guess it was more dramatic from a story perspective for Meridian to reveal this stuff now and set up the next arc. But it still just feels contrived to me. Maybe I'm overlooking/overthinking something though?

Meridian's Motives

So I've gone over a theory before that Meridian was in fact evil and possibly even connected to Megaera. That theory was not confirmed, or overly supported, by this. And it does seem like Meridian is probably on the up-and-up.

Perhaps I'm a tad biased/sunk-cost fallacy right now since I spent a decent amount of time on the theory of Meridian being evil, but still worth noting that this mission ended up Megaera possessing Sin, albeit with Sin in control (and presumably actually in control because Megaera said Sin was in control while Sin used the lasso on her).

There's still quite a few similarities between Meridian and Megaera which are a bit difficult to overlook (you can check out the link I placed above where i went into more detail into that).

Its worth noting as well that Meridian mentioned that whichever evil time traveller is targeting the BoP, they're using her technology most likely. An interesting detail, and one which raises q

Could it be Meridian is hiding something still? All the information we know about the future and her motives comes from her after all.

Or could it be she's being controlled without her knowledge? Or a second Meridian is up and about?

Perhaps it seems like I'm still focusing a disproportionate amount on Meridian, but she still remains the driving force behind all this issues of the narrative which have somewhat hurt my enjoyment and given me questions.

And to repeat what I've said before. Meridian seems like a strange direction for the character of Maps Mizoguchi.

As I've alluded to before, I'm probably quite biased in this area because I've read Gotham Academy years ago before I really got into comics like I have recently and it was one of the first runs I've finished and stuff.

Maps is a character who wants to be Robin. And that's the path which she seems to have been developed upon during her fairly recent return.

Given how still early she is in her storyline of becoming Robin (or some other kind of vigilante) it just still feels like a strange choice for Maps Mizoguchi of all people to show up as a time traveling hero with a persona and skillset which seems in stark contrast to her every prior appearance.

Meridian does not appear to be a martial artist, Maps doesn't appear to be a tech genius. Magic would seem like a more likely 'superpower' than super-tech for Maps considering the more supernatural focus of Gotham Academy.

Maps has been established with a preference for swords while Meridian is only shown fighting using a fancy taser.

Am I thinking too deeply into it? Probably, yes.

But still feels like an overall strange decision to introduce Future Maps in such a manner. Especially when Present Maps has only returned to semi-focus in recent years and still hasn't really developed too much in her own current goals (such as being Robin).

So taking a character who's still in need of a bit more focus and development and then giving them a future persona which is at contrast to their current development chain? Seems odd.

Also at first i just assumed Meridian comes from a post-apocalyptic future which would be retconned out of the timeline by this arc. But Meridian's comments about how she doesn't take time travel lightly and is trying to right the timeline suggests she does not in fact come from a post-apocalyptic timeline.

So does that mean Maps is destined to become Meriden?

Again, this is probably my bias due to Gotham Academy nostalgia. But I'm not sure if I'm too much of a fan of this direction for her.

Especially, as I keep noting, Present Maps has only barely gotten started on working on becoming Robin (or any-kind of vigilante); but Meridian seems to suggest Maps is going to drop her current direction and go in a completely different direction at some point in the future.

Well those of my thoughts I guess. I suppose I'll see how things develop from here.

While I did find the Birds of Prey quite well-drawn so far and fairly enjoyable. All this thoughts I've gone over and the general feeling this arc was a tad contrived has all somewhat mitigated my enjoyment.

[karizard-ao3]

Frankenstein Eremika Au?

Well, anon, not having seen the movie nor read the book nor watched the TV show that I wasn't aware existed until I was googling Frankenstein because of this ask, I feel distinctly unqualified to come up with a Frankenstein au, but if we're just going off vibes rather than any practical knowledge of the story (like, I know the basics that I assume everyone knows), what about this?

No. Wait. Stop. I'm going to at least read the Wikipedia article.

Well, damn! Okay!

So, my original little smidgen of an idea was maybe Eren could be the monster and Mikasa finds him in the woods and now I am fully committed to it. But maybe let's say he did all his crimes and killed all those people and Victor first, so he's bad bad? Idk! Maybe he can still be at his "hating all humans but not yet killing them" phase. Let's not make him hideously ugly. Let us suppose for this au that Victor Frankenstein (aka Hange Zoe) was successful in making his monster a beautiful boy. There is something else about Eren that unsettles and frightens them. Let's say it's his crazy eyes and maybe also put some scars on him.

Anyway. Eren is Frankenstein's monster. Mikasa is a recluse living in the woods. She finds him half dead in the snow and looking like shit. She doesn't know who this big, injured guy is, but she manages to drag him to her hearth and set about nursing him back to health.

When he finally wakes up after several days, she is startled by his scary eyes and this pisses him off. He would go on a rampage, except he is pretty banged up and can't really move from his makeshift bed, so he just howls with rage and slams his fists into whatever he can reach, probably including his own self. Mikas is not about this dramatic nonsense and waits for him to tire himself out, then goes to give him a sponge bath or something.

God, he's like 8 feet tall.

Anyway, he's also killed a lot of people.

So, Eren is ungrateful. He is rude and destructive and he's lashing out because he likes her and he couldn't take her deciding she hates him like every other person in his life has done. But she just keeps putting up with him. She doesn't mind that he could snap her in half. She is depressed because her whole family died and doesn't care if she lives or dies. Also, she has a thing for saving wounded wild animals and has this Disney princess-like affinity with them. The forest birds will come eat out of her hands and wolves or bears or what have you that she once saved come to her door as tame as can be so she can feed them treats. So of course she manages to do the same with Eren. She doesn't really mind his scary eyes or the fact that his body is actually made from pieces of other bodies. He helps around the house and he's very sweet when he wants to be, which is more and more often because he sense a kindred spirit in her and she gives him the companionship and acceptance he's been craving. And then, in turn, he becomes like her new family.

And so, they fall in love, and live a life of solitude and peace and he's EIGHT FUCKING FEET TALL.

The end.

Anyway, that's my idea for the framework of the fic. Feel free to chime in with any ideas. The setting kind of reminds me of Witchunter, actually, and the fact he wants to kill her, but the bloodlust in mandatory and I'm not sure where else to put them since Frankenstein's monster tends to hide out in the wilderness, so please forgive me for any similarities.

[cmkren]

“You say I want to be Your Girlfriend! It wasn’t really in my plans…”

— girlfriend; Hemlocke Springs

;Usagi Yuzuha x Fem + AFAB! Reader hcs

Usagi relationship headcanons where you two are both silly and goofy— that’s it, that’s the post. Basically how you two get together! Romance blossoming in the Borderlands, what a strange turn of events…

a/n; i am coping rn cause i have a maths chapter test in like 9 hours and i am not prepared im so bad at math. Anyways this is just gonna be some fluff. ♥️♥️♥️ very messy post because im super tired tho,,,

So… who’d be the first one to confess? 🤔

Read to find out !! 😋

Jk its kinda both of you but mainly Usagi

You two would probably meet early on, maybe in the tag game where the two of you catch each other’s eye and agree to travel together <3

You’d be there by Usagi’s side as you both live day by day, and when you find the sweaty lookin’ guy from the Tag game lying on the ground all depressed you two kind of take him in

Like

You two mama birds just kinda adopt the guy

Usagi ends up taking care of most of the hunting while you do mostly everything else

You’re the one who tries to force feed Arisu even when he refused it

Usagi kept you from choking the poor guy.

Y’all are basically tied at the hip tho

Which also soon includes Arisu

(But you n Usagi are closer shh dont tell him that)

Things pretty much stay the same between you two until y’all arrive at The Beach (cue thunder strike)

With this whole sort of place that seems like it was capable of running actual electricity and shit you wanted to do smth special!!

“Do you think we can use their kitchen?!”

“Y/N we’re literally duct taped to chairs right now.”

“She’s got a point though Usagi— I’m kinda craving like… cookies.”

That was the small talk the three of you had before the whole dramatic intro of the Beach and its top goobers

After that whole shenanigan, you and Usagi insist on sharing the same room

It was just a lot more comfortable for the two of you

This place gave you the creeps ngl

That meant a lot of late night talks

Well, as many as y’all got before shit hit the fan again

You two always talked about what you’d do when you finally get to leave. Visit each other every day, maybe even get a place together? Usagi couldn’t bare to live in her old place ever since her father disappeared

You knew everything about that as well

Just from the few months you two shared together, you guys knew a lot about each other

You even promised her that you’d help her get back into climbing

Maybe indoor climbing first for you though

The more you two spent time with one another though, the more the two of you caught yourself… lingering

Whether it be longing looks or touches, it’d always be done subconsciously and end up with someone a little flustered

Arisu caught on though and asked wtf was going on

You, of course, blew him off

After the hearts game though, you two immediately ran for each other

Both battered and bruised, you clung to her as she scanned you over for anything that might have been fatal

Usagi cries out in relief to see that you’re okay

“Where were you? Where were you? What would I do with myself if I lost you too? What would I do? I can’t lose a person I love—”

That made you sit up.

“You— you love me?”

Usagi couldn’t help but let out a choked smile to see that incredulous expression on your face

Well she can’t really deny it, can she?

You could only hug her tighter with tears welling in your eyes, the pain of everyone that’d been slaughtered would only remain in all of you forever but maybe the seeds of healing had already been planted for you two as you pressed a kiss against her cheek

You two were peas in a pod.

You protected those you loved, worked together to achieve your goals

And when Usagi struggled to understand why going back to the real world would be any better than the world they were forced to fight to live in, you couldn’t understand

But you tried to

The strong woman you’d grown so used to seeing so level headed hid in your arms as she held back tears

Listening to every pained doubt, choked out words

You were there for her

And no doubt, she’d hold you taut against her whenever you needed it too.

You helped Usagi get over her doubts and fears of returning to the living world, ensuring her that she wouldn’t be alone in dealing with her troubles

And that— not if— but when you two return, you’ll celebrate like you’ve never before

[takecareluv]

May I please request a little blurb based on that quote you reblogged earlier about just wanting to be very quiet? Just a quiet love with Vinnie. Your blog has been such a source of light for me and helped me get over this weird guilt I've carried for preferring that to the wild, free love that seemed to be the ideal/norm (sorry to burden you with something so weird)

a.n. nothing you say could ever burden me, my love. in fact, your words just made my day. it makes me so happy to read that my blog (mine ??!) can be a source of light for you. that is all i could ever wish for. i know what you mean though, so many desire that wild, crazy love that you often see in films & such, whereas that strong intimacy that comes with a quiet love is something so much more profound and meaningful to me. it’s so much more real. anyway, enough of me ranting… i hope this is okay, my mind kind of wandered a bit while writing so i don’t know if any of this is coherent. lots of love <3

a quiet love || vinnie hacker x reader

you'd always had an appreciation for the quiet things in life.

growing up, you were the kid that was always told to "speak up". the one that spent their friday nights alone rather than going out. the one that would much rather daydream and immerse themselves into imaginary worlds from the stories and books you read, instead of partying all the time. 

as you got older, you grew into your voice. you became more outgoing and sociable, which society tended to praise, but of course still liked the peace and quiet that allowed you to recharge.

with how loud everyone and everything in this world seemed to be, silent moments were highly coveted in your mind. although they tended to come fewer and farther between for your liking. 

there was just so much noise. always so much to keep up with. too many things to click on or scroll through. too much news and trends constantly circulating. the internet, which was seeping through the cracks of becoming more significant than real life, and real connections, never took a rest. and with that, it felt like you never could too. even with how desperately you needed it.

that is until you met vinnie.

he taught you that it was okay to step back, that there was nothing wrong with you. in fact, he understood.

he too had been burdened with the idea that everything, especially love for that matter, should be wild, dramatic, and grand. that was how society portrayed the “great loves”. and so, vinnie spent multiple years searching for that kind of love, which only lead him to disappointment, lies and heartbreak.

through this, it became more clear that the dramatics weren’t necessary, the grand gestures weren’t essential, and the craziness was definitely easier left without. all that was truly needed was the feeling of love and adoration, something that seemed to have been forgotten.

you and vinnie, however, did not forget.

you thrived on that simple, quiet love that others mostly deemed as “boring”.

but you didn’t care. it brought you peace knowing that vinnie loved you for you, and that your presence was all he needed to feel content, nothing more extravagant than that.

you of course talked all the time, filling each other on everything, he was your best friend after all.

but you didn’t mind the quiet moments where there was nothing left to say. it didn’t feel awkward, it was the complete opposite actually. it felt quite natural. like this is what you were waiting your whole life for, someone to simply exist with. someone you didn’t even have to say a word to, they just instantly knew what you were thinking and how you were feeling. is this what it felt like to have a soulmate?

you enjoyed spending your mornings wrapped up in each other’s arms, exchanging not much more than a “good morning” and “i love you” while listening to the quiet sounds of birds chirping in the distance and the breeze rustling through trees outside your window.

you would eventually get up, standing next to each other as you brushed your teeth and did your skincare, occasionally sharing smiles through the mirror.

heading downstairs and into the kitchen, you assumed your roles, vinnie making the coffee will you began cooking breakfast. you would dance around each other in perfect harmony until the meal was complete and it was time to eat.

for the rest of the day, you would continue with doing your own things, whether it was your school work or vinnie’s streaming. although you were both busy, you still enjoyed each other’s company.

even when you were so wrapped up in the book you were reading, or whatever else had your full attention, you would immediately notice when vinnie was no longer around you. it was like he took a piece of you every time he wasn’t in your presence. his presence is what kept you whole.

sometimes you would spend your evening laying outside, head rested on his lap, while you stargazed, pointing out different constellations every so often. 

other times vinnie would pick up your favorite snacks and you would cuddle in bed all night while watching different shows or movies, most commonly anime.

you didn’t always have to be going on elaborate dates or buying expensive gifts to make your relationship better, it was already great. you loved each other tremendously and that’s all you really needed.

[wildercrow]

Hi and happy DADWC! I'd love to see something for the prompt "❛ no offense, but you look terrible. ❜"

I do noooot have spoons to get this up on AO3 tonight, so this is like... even more slapped together than usual, but here have some Bethany & Carver featuring me projecting my health problems onto Bethany for @dadrunkwriting!

No major content warnings that I can think of for this one. Just a T-rated chronic pain fic. Enjoy!

~Nuri

~*~*~

“No offense, but you look like crap!” Carver’s voice startles Bethany out of her half-awake stupor with a yelp, sending her temporarily abandoned woodburning project clattering to the floor from her lap.

Carver tilts his head to read it. “’If I were a bird, I know who I'd shit on,’ huh? And who would that be?”

Bethany opens her mouth to answer, but the pain radiating up from her neck is so intense that she can’t think of anything clever to say, so instead she focuses on straightening her posture and tilting her head from side to side as slowly and gently as she possibly can in hopes of convincing her neck muscles to relax even a tiny bit. They’re so tight that numbness is beginning to creep into her jaw, and her head can barely tilt to the right at all without being met with a sickening crunch.

“What’re you even doing out here in the living room at four in the morning?” Carver asks, picking her woodburning project up off the floor and gently setting it down on the coffee table beside her tool kit before plopping down next to her on the couch.

The motion jars her neck so much that she has to bite down on her tongue to keep from crying out. She takes slow, deep breaths in an effort to hold back the tears stinging at her eyes. Crying now would be a surefire way to make her pain truly unbearable for days to come. Not to mention embarassing.

“Bethy?” Carver asks, concern seeping into his voice. “Did something happen? If you need me to beat up Fiadh, I will. I bet I can take ‘em in a fight!”

She barks out a laugh that she instantly regrets when pain reverberates through her head like someone hammered a chisel into the base of her skull. “You could definitely beat Fiadh in a fight,” she replies in a whisper, “but please don’t. They’re lovely. I’m out here because my neck hurt too much to stay in bed, and I can’t exactly woodburn in the dark.”

“Isn’t sleep supposed to decrease pain, not increase it?”

“You try sleeping with a neck that turns itself into a fucking brick every time you lay down for more than ten minutes!” she snaps.

“Hey, hey, calm down.” Carver holds his hands up in a placating gesture. “I wasn’t second-guessing you. I was just telling your neck to get its act together.”

“Oh,” she replies with a sheepish smile that tugs at her ear and makes her feel a bit nauseous. “Sorry. I… haven’t really slept all night.”

“Well, guess that answers my next question, which was gonna be ‘how long have you been up?’”

“Why are you up, anyways?” she asks.

“Time for my morning run!” he responds, flexing dramatically.

Bethany responds with an unimpressed snort. Or at least, that’s her intent. What actually comes out is more of a soft huff than an actual snort, but… close enough.

“But, uh…” Carver’s demeanor softens, “if you’re bored out of your skull, I can hang around here this morning instead. I’m running errands later, which is plenty of cardio for the day.”

“I’ve got my woodburning. I’ll be fine,” she says with a yawn that feels like it’s going to pull her eardrum right out of her head.

Carver raises an eyebrow. “The woodburning you were working on by… sleepily holding it in your lap with all the tools put away on the coffee table? That woodburning? So uh… tell me, how much woodburning have you gotten done, tonight?”

“I did a little!” she defends.

“Uh-huh,” he drawls. “Well, if you wanna keep doing that for another two hours until the rest of the house starts waking up, be my guest…” He mimes preparing to stand up.

“Alright, fine,” she says with a sigh. “I wouldn’t say no to the company.”

Carver’s face breaks into a victorious grin that Bethany would be rolling her eyes at if only the slightest eye movement didn’t make her head feel ready to explode.

“Not sure what you’re planning to do now that you’re here, but welcome to the un-slumber party,” she says dryly.

“I dunno, uh… I could give you a neck massage, I guess?” he proposes.

“No.”

“No? Why no? Neck massages always help me when I’ve got a stiff neck.”

She takes slow, even breaths to suppress her frustration, but even so she can feel her neck tightening in response to it. “Yes, well, this isn’t exactly an ordinary stiff neck. As we’ve established.”

“I mean, yeah, but a massage couldn’t hurt, right?”

“Poke my neck.”

“What?”

“Poke it.”

He scrunches up his face in confusion reaches out to hover a tentative finger a few inches away from her neck. “Uh… where?”

“The back. Or the side, really. Doesn’t matter much because it’s kind of everywhere. Just poke it.”

He gives her a dubious look but does as instructed. Almost as soon as his finger makes contact, his expression transforms from skepticism to horror as he recoils in alarm. “Eugh, that feels like hundred-year-old jerky! How do you live like this?!”

“Badly!”

“Seriously, are you sure you aren’t injured? Maybe Anders should—”

“Yes, I’m sure. It gets like this all the time. At least a couple times a month. More if I’m stressed. Fiadh’s uncle, the healer one, says it’s from when—” she cuts herself off, looking down at her lap and dropping back down to a whisper, “from when I hit my head…”

It’s not exactly new information. Carver knows most of her health problems are from that one fateful day more than a decade ago when her family left her for dead while fleeing the Blight. She’s told him it’s not his fault, because it isn’t. But she knows he blames himself, anyways. So it’s not often she talks about it so directly.

She takes a shaky breath and continues, “Something about my brain not healing quite right, so now it gets confused and tells my neck to tense up until it’s practically petrified itself.”

Carver’s brow furrows as he takes all this in. After what seems like an eternity, he says, “This… really fucks up your life, huh?”

She nods. Her neck disagrees with the movement, so she has to bob her entire upper body instead of just her head.

He scowls, but when he speaks he sounds more hurt than cross, “Why don’t we ever talk about this? We used to talk about everything.”

She thinks for a long moment. Not about the answer – she knows that – but about whether she wants to answer honestly. Finally, she makes up her mind and replies quietly, “I guess it’s just… I don’t always have the energy to reassure you that it’s not your fault, you know?”

His scowl deepens. “You don’t need to reassure me. That’s a me problem. C’mon, Bethy, I wanna be a part of your life again, even if it means I have to think about hard stuff sometimes. You gotta trust me to be able to handle my own shit.”

She casts a sideways glance in his direction, unable to really turn her head enough to make eye contact. “You’re sure?”

“I couldn’t be more sure if I tried! Seriously, how many other health problems have you been sweeping under the rug to spare my feelings? Gimme the whole laundry list! Out with it!”

“If you insist,” she says with a quiet puff of laughter at his enthusiasm. “Do we want to pick a day to do some catching up, or…?”

“How about, uh… as soon as I get us some breakfast?”

“Oh! You mean out with it now, okay. I mean… sure, why not? Not like I have anything better to do. Though I don’t know how much luck I’ll have with breakfast. My face hurts too much to chew.”

“Oh, I can solve that, easy. Lemme make you a protein shake! No chewing required.” Carver beams. She has to admit, that’s a clever idea.

“Okay, okay, make me one of your weird protein drinks and then I can tell you all the fun ways my body is broken. Perfectly normal morning here in the Hawke household!”

“One protein shake, coming right up!” Carver announces, already on his way to the kitchen.

“Don’t forget my straw!” she calls after him, then flinches at the ensuing pounding in her head. Despite the pain, though, a smile creeps onto her face, because at long last things are starting to feel a little more normal with Carver.

[fairytaleslive]

What are your top 12 favorite fairy tale princesses/heroines?

@ariel-seagull-wings Thank you for this question! <3

I admit that this was harder to narrow down than I thought and I am sure that tommorow I'll remember some childhood favorite that I forgot to mention, but here I go:

1) Kate Crackernuts She is the "less bonny" sister who runs away from home, visits the fairy kingdom like it's nothing, single-handedly saves her sister and saves her Prince. This girl has done it all. I wish there were more adaptations though. The Czech one from 1993 is decent but it focuses more on the love story between Anne and the young king, so Kate doesn't have as much space as I would prefer. And with the book retellings being on the rise in the past years, I am surprised that no-one dared to tackle this story…. (there is a book by Katharine Mary Briggs, I've tried to read it but the language-wise it's a very difficult and frankly, boring read)

2) Allerleirauh I love nearly all variants of this tale, be it German Allerleirauh, English Cap-o'-Rushes, Catskin or Czech Princess With the Golden Star. I definitely prefer versions that go with forced marriage to an evil king, rather than to the Princess's own father and many of my favorite adaptations choose this path as well, be it Russian "Donkeyskin" (1982), Czech "Princess With the Golden Star" (1959) or Czech "You're a Princess, Láďa!" (1979) - which is a more comedic version where the Princess crossdresses as a boy and becomes a kitchen helper.

3) The girl (Bohdanka) from The Seven Ravens I like The Wild Swans and The Six Swans variants just as well, but I very much prefer the Czech version where the siblings are not royal and Bohdanka only becomes a Princess by marrying the young king. I love the 2015 Czech adaptation (Netflix), the 1993 is a bit too dramatic for my taste and takes the spotlight from the heroine which I think is a shame. Märchenperlen's The Six Swans from 2012 was on the other hand very well done, with the story concentrated on the bond between the siblings and the love between the girl and the King, as it should be.

4) Cinderella She was my favorite when I was a child and I always enjoyed Němcová's version* which is actually similar to French "Finette Cendron" and has Cinderella killing ogres before the whole shenanigans with balls and slippers even start. *Božena Němcová (1820–1862) was a Czech collector of folk fairytales I need to talk about my favorite adaptations some other time because this post is already getting way too long :).

5) The heroine from East of the Sun and West of the Moon As with Allerleirauh, I like all the variants of this tale I've read so far, I love how it gender reverses the usual trope and it's the heroine who sets off to save her lover who is, for the most part, more of a passive character (ok, special shout out to Black Bull of Norroway, who literally slays a devil/dragon)

6) The Princess from "Fearless Mikesh" Doesn't matter if we're speaking of the written tale by Němcová or one of its film adaptations, such as The Brave Blacksmith (1983) or Fearless (1988), the core story is the same: a young man sets off to learn how to fear and decides to find a kidnapped and/or enchanted princess that disappeared from her kingdom. The princess secretly helps him on his way, often in different forms (as a fox dwarf or an old hag), to test his skills and to lead him to the magician who cursed her. (cool girl, shapeshifting powers probably borrowed from the evil wizard who kidnapped her, helps the hero to save the day)

7) Růženka (Rose) from "The speaking bird, the water of life and the three golden apples" by Božena Němcová (gets magical objects, saves her brothers, resurrects her mother, reunites her parents and calls it a day) Recently a variant of this tale was adapted by Sechs auf einen Streich series: Three Royal Children/Die drei Königskinder from 2019.

8) The Peasant's Wise Daughter from the fairytale of the same name (outwits the king, fights for justice for the lower class)

9) The Princess from The King of Seven Veils ("Il Re dei Sette Veli", collected by Antonio de Nino) It's kinda like gender swapped King Thrushbeard or Němcová's Punished Pride: instead of a proud princess refusing a perfectly nice king, here we have a beautiful but vain king who refuses a lovely princess. And she does what any other girl in her position would do: sets off to the world with a regiment of soldiers (they always come in handy), in one kingdom she saves a princess, in another she saves a queen, before finally arriving the the land of the King of Seven Veils. He falls in love with her and she embroiders his veils with a picture of a monk and a nun (because he said he won't marry her unless he becomes a monk and she becomes a nun), but he doesn't take a hint, so she leaves him an actual written note and returns to her kingdom, so he can pursue her :D. I just had to include at least one Italian fairytale, I love how active the heroines in Italian fairytales are, many of them just literally go around the world and save random people before returning home/finding true love for themselves. And I love this one especially because it was loosely adapted as a Czech 1999 TV fairytale film "The Princess of Rimini" which I adore to bits <3

10) The Frog Princess/Vasilisa the Wise While the Princess from Fearless has magic because of her curse, Vasilisa seems to have magic independent of Koschei's powers. And I am always here for witch-princesses, we need more of them in our fairytales. Shout out to Mila Sivatskaya as Vasilisa the Wise in The Last Warrior (2017) who is literally a kick-ass apprentice of Baba Yaga in this adaptation.

11) Beauty from Beauty and the Beast No, it wouldn't be fair to omit "Belle" whom I loved from Jeanne-Marie Leprince de Beaumont's version even before I've seen the timeless Disney movie.

12) Princess Desirée from The White Doe/The Doe in the Woods by Madame d'Aulnoy She is not a particularly active character which might make her a strange choice among the others I named, but I was always fascinated by her curiosity of the outside world and later by her free life in the woods where she's a doe during the day and a human by night. As a child, I thought it was a cool deal and I was disappointed when she got "saved" by the Prince and left the woods where she's been so happy.

Honorable mentions: Fanta-Ghirò the Beautiful, Molly Whuppie, Sorfarina, Janet from Tamlin, youngest princess from Salt Above Gold, Tatterhood…

[bleachbleachbleach]

7/29 - 8/6/2023

I started last weekend really excited about writing Renji 2, and had a good time with that. And then proceeded to have no writing time past last weekend. =_= I just need to chill out and accept that life is going to be about driving and People and racecars and the Women's World Cup rn and not about my blorbos and stories. Not that I don't also like the aforementioned but also MY BLORBOS AND STORIES THO. ):

As excited as I am about this chapter I'm still not sure if it ~works because Renji is just infodumping about 79 different things, and the part I wrote was about written vs. actually-followed easement policy in West Rukongai and how long it takes to run places. Which on one hand, Renji Why, but on the other, Why Not, Renji.

Something I have done a lot of this week, though, is driving—more in the last 7 days than in the last 7 months, to be specific—and I got reacquainted with my nemesis, audiobooks. I still don’t think I actually like audiobooks, but all of the books I listened to were very enjoyable in spite of the format, and I recommend all of them! This is especially exciting because these choices were guided by "what is currently available at the library."

The week’s roadtrip audiobook selections:

H is for Hawk, Helen MacDonald (2014)

Psalm for the Wild-Built, Becky Chambers (2021)

Orange World, Karen Russell (2019)

The Nickel Boys, Colson Whitehead (2019)

H is for Hawk, Helen MacDonald (2014) I’ve been wanting to read this book for a long time, but I’m glad I didn’t get a chance to until now, because coming off of condor!Tobiume this book was especially exciting. I didn’t realize until listening that it drew so heavily on The Once and Future King (and TH White’s biography in general) as intertext, which has really made me want to re-read that book, since I haven’t read it since the summer after I graduated high school. H is for Hawk is a falconry memoir, and it is quite a bit about birds—the goshawk Mabel in particular—which I figured would be a good time, from a creative nonfiction, ecology writing POV, two genres I generally like. But oh my god it is so much better than I already thought it was going to be! MacDonald has such strong analysis of masculinist, neoliberal cultures past and present, and the kinds of mythologies falconry comes from with regard to class and gender (and sexuality, re: TH White), and her own parsing of these things as she grows up. I want to read this book again.

Psalm for the Wild-Built, Becky Chambers (2021) I am OBSESSED with this book and I keep recommending it to everyone I see. It’s about a tea monk on a future moon where, in the distant past, robots developed to work in human factories gained sapience and left the human places to go live freely and separate in the wilds. Yearning for something missing from their life, the tea monk sets off into the wilds and encounters a robot who has been sent out to check in on the humans, and to answer the question, “What do humans need?” I don’t know that I am usually a robot person—but I am a traveling tea monk person haha—but I love these robots so, so much. They name themselves for the first things they see, so they all have plant/animal names. They hyperfixate on watching stalagmites grow, for centuries. This book is so soft and thoughtful and incredibly thought-provoking. It’s about a future that doesn’t rely on post-apocalypse; nothing overtly dramatic happens but everything is gripping.

Orange World, Karen Russell (2019) This is collection of short stories—I was able to pay attention to some far more than others, but Russell had the most interesting prose for me. There were lines where I was like, man, I wish I were reading this so I could copy this down.” Really strong sense of region and place in each story, and the world building (as one might hope of a book titled Orange World) is superb. I was familiar with Russell conceptually but hadn’t read anything by her before. My favorites were the story about Plains State/Midwestern storm farmers, who captured, husbanded, and rented out storms of various stripes—and now their industry was being affected by climate change. And the story about four sisters who are gondoliers, and use echolocation (of a sort) to navigate the span of a short story.

WIP-wise, I guess LOL I’d love to write as beautifully as Karen Russell does!! But more seriously I guess it’s about being bold about the mechanics of a world and how much it is possible to accomplish even in the span of a short story.

The Nickel Boys, Colson Whitehead (2019) I’m only halfway through this one, but it’s historical fiction about a reform school in the South during Brown v Board of Education, and the false promises experienced while attempting to integrate the South.

As far as where this could be WIP research, Whitehead does a great job of minor timeskips across the parts of the novel, including skips of actually writing out major precipitating events, which makes me feel more embolden about how I’ve structured some of this WIP.

[gokucarrot]

Rest in Peace, Akira.

I was actually going to come back to writing soon, but it may be a little later than expected now…

I don’t know how to make memorial posts, especially for someone I don’t know personally. I really don’t know how to react… I know I’m heartbroken and devastated though. To anyone who may be reading, I’m sorry if this is how you found out, though I have a hopeful feeling it won’t be.

On March 1st, 2024, Akira Toriyama passed away at the age of 68, due to an Acute Subdural Hematoma. The announcement was made by Bird Studio on March 7th/8th, or the day of writing this. 

First let me say; Rest in Peace, Akira Toriyama. You’ve given a family, a successful career, art, and fully fulfilled stories. One story of which has given life to a continuously blossoming community of people who want to share your work with the world. A story that I doubt hasn’t touched a huge amount of countries, and the people’s hearts. Your legacy will live on. I’ve had many criticisms of his work, and possibly his character (related to certain works) and do still feel weary of them. Regardless, I’m still a huge fan, and am honestly in a bit of distress writing this.

For many people, his works are just something that they have a lot of interest in. Maybe it was their childhood, or their adulthood, something to help them get their mind off of the hard things in life. Or maybe, you’re like me. Honestly, all the options I stated are probably way more healthy than how it affected me. I’m a little embarrassed to share what I’m about to say. Regardless, here I go. 

When I discovered the Dragon Ball series and read it for the first time, I knew it was the start of something wonderful for me. I was in a lot of turmoil at this point and needed something to help me cope. I really liked the way anime/manga looked but never got into it, so I thought I’d start with a classic, the original Dragon Ball. I immediately fell in love (somewhat overlooking the… interesting jokes that happened), I was reading it everyday and every night. Then I watched it, then I drew it, I daydreamed about it, I sang the songs, I wrote about it, I fully immersed myself into the fandom. It even helped me to finally gain the courage to learn Japanese, even though I had already been interested in Japanese! If I were to be honest and blunt, it took over my life, almost quite literally. First, it was just my special interest, then my Maladaptive Daydream issues made it all I daydreamed about, and then slowly became part of, what I best would say, *possible*, fictives of a system. I think my friend @favszamasu (on instagram) put how I feel best, “Dragon Ball was a great escape for me. It’s my second life and for a long time I acted like it was my first”. Despite this, I honestly don’t mind. My love for this series has been fulfilling in so many ways. It has helped through my darkest days, my weakest hours, and so much more. You’re very much allowed to call me dramatic, as I mean it quite literally; there is no way to express in words the way Dragon Ball has helped me, or how much I love it. My room is filled with plushies and figures, my bookshelf is almost completely dedicated to the Dragon Ball series. Yet even saying this, does not fully express it.

I mention all this to give an example of the effect Akira Toriyama has had. His works have reached so many different corners of the world, so many people look up to him, there are literal festivals that he inspired. His death is one that possibly thousands will mourn, and are mourning. I can’t even imagine how his family is feeling. I wish the best for them and I hope they find some peace in life right now.

Rest in Peace, Akira Toriyama, Rest in Peace.

[nohoperadio]

He set his china cup down in the fine dust and went to inspect his elderly record player. On it he found an elderly recording of some Vivaldi wind concertos, set it to play and sat down. He waited again to see what he would do next and suddenly found to his surprise that he was already doing it, and it was this: he was listening to the music. A bewildered look crept slowly across his face as he realised that he had never done this before. He had heard it many, many times and thought that it made a very pleasant noise. Indeed, he found that it made a pleasant background against which to discuss the concert season, but it had never before occurred to him that there was anything actually to listen to. He sat thunderstruck by the interplay of melody and counterpoint which suddenly stood revealed to him with a clarity that owed nothing to the dust-ridden surface of the record or the fourteen-year-old stylus. But with this revelation came an almost immediate sense of disappointment, which confused him all the more. The music suddenly revealed to him was oddly unfulfilling. It was as if his capacity to understand the music had suddenly increased up to and far beyond the music's ability to satisfy it, all in one dramatic moment. He strained to listen for what was missing, and felt that the music was like a flightless bird that didn't even know what capacity it had lost. It walked very well, but it walked where it should soar, it walked where it should swoop, it walked where it should climb and bank and dive, it walked where it should thrill with the giddiness of flight. It never even looked up. He looked up. After a while he became aware that all he was doing was simply staring stupidly at the ceiling. He shook his head, and discovered that the perception had faded, leaving him feeling slightly sick and dizzy. It had not vanished entirely, but had dropped deep inside him, deeper than he could reach. The music continued. It was an agreeable enough assortment of pleasant sounds in the background, but it no longer stirred him.

It feels like it must just be me idealizing the thing I was obsessed with when I was 13, but every time I've ever gone back to Douglas Adams it's struck me as a bit sad that his cultural legacy is mostly a handful of one-liners and in-jokes that nerds of a certain generation like to quote sometimes, in the same bucket as Monty Python and the Holy Grail or whatever. Not that that's a bad thing to be, but unless nostalgia is making me very delusional--and I have put this to the test several times in my adult life--he's just one of the best novelists in general I've ever read. Most of the jokes are also wonderful pieces of poetry and/or psychology, on almost every page there's one or two moments where he's trying to make the English language do some new thing I've never seen before, his sense of what's ridiculous and also what's astonishing in the world, and his ability to hold both in mind at once, is unlike anything else I've been able to find.

(I get the sense he's often thought of as being roughly interchangeable with Terry Pratchett--I will admit to having only read Mort, but if that's at all representative I'm confident in saying they are not remotely interchangeable.)

For how very famous he is, I don't think the form his fame has taken is really communicating what's special about him at all. Which is probably true of all writers to some extent. I probably don't have much of a point really. Just that I bet a lot of people who would strongly vibe with this guy's stuff don't pick it up because they assume they already know basically what his deal is, and I can imagine a version of myself who wasn't lucky enough to discover him as a kid doing that, and it makes me sad.

[The passage quoted above is not actually an ideal illustration of what I'm saying and I'd probably take the time to search for something more apt if I thought anyone was going to read this; the chain of events was, I stumbled upon a photo I'd taken of this passage on my phone in December 2019, was struck with a sudden impulse to record it here, and then was struck with some thoughts about Douglas Adams in general along with the impulse to also record them here.]