#why can i only think of good shit when im too tired to wanna write it downn

[leighsartworks216]

> Stopped writing my fic because I got too tired

> Laid down in bed

> Cannot stop thinking about my fic

> Keeps working on it in my notes app

[bloomries]

I'm not sure if you write angst or not, but if you do can you write the brothers (separately) and mc get into a big argument like a very heated one and the brothers says something like "im so fucking tired of you blah blah blah the next time i see you better be at your funeral" and then like a few hours later mc either dies or is like almost dead but survives you can pick 🫶🏿🫶🏿 FEEL FREE TO MODIFY(?) MY REQUEST AT ALL !! you don't have to write all of the brothers

regretting his words.

includes : lucifer, mammon, satan, and belphegor.

summary : getting into a fight with ___, him basically telling you he wishes you were dead, but he'll soon find himself regretting those words when you get fatally injured.

warnings : gn! reader. heavy angst. serious & intense arguments. death (reader dies/nearly dies).

note : thank you for the request! i totally didn't cry i did! i don't write angst often, so i'm not sure how good it is but i hope that it suffices! please enjoy!

LUCIFER

You were just happily chatting away, telling Lucifer about your day when he slammed his hands on his desk, standing up abruptly as he glares at you with those terrifying red eyes. "Stop. Speaking." His voice echoes off the walls.

"W- What-"

"I said, stop speaking. Fuck, all you do is talk. I can't wait for the day you finally cease that incessant yapping!" You're too stunned to say anything else, faltering between wanting to cry and to yell, instead Lucifer continues. "Leave, now! And don't come back unless you decide you can be quiet." He points to the door, and you scamper off without a word.

If he had known that would be the last time he got to hear about your day, he would've bit his tongue and set his pen down to listen. However, he stands beside your lifeless body, staring at it with a bitter taste in his mouth. Was this... his fault?

If he hadn't shouted for you to leave, then you wouldn't have left the house, and wouldn't have been attacked by a drunk demon. "H... How- How do we get them back-" He lifts his head to look up at Diavolo, who hesitates.

Oh.

There was no getting you back. "No... W- We brought them back before, we can do it again. Do it again!" He demanded, although when he realized how loud his voice got, he faltered. Yelling, again. Why was he always yelling? He can't remember...

Diavolo leaves, to give Lucifer some time to process and time to say what goodbyes he needs to. The moment the door closes, Lucifer drops to his knees, holding back tears as he lightly holds your hand. "I- I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... Tell me, please. Tell me about your day, I want to hear it. Please." Despite the desperation in his hoarse voice, no words are given back to him, and he realizes he'll have to come to terms with the fact he'll never hear your voice again.

MAMMON

"Get off of me," Mammon shoves you away, sneering at your pleading expression. "If ya don't wanna support me then just go." You knew it would be a hard task, to get the demon of greed to stop gambling, but you had tried relentlessly either way.

"Mammon, I just think-"

"Here we go again, I don't wanna hear your naggin' again, 'kay?" You rush to grab hold of his arm, holding him back from leaving.

"Please, just stay in and-"

"Fuck, can you get off? I'm so fuckin' tired of this shit," His eyes glowed as he glared down at you, anger coursing through his veins, "I don't wanna see ya again, not less it's at your funeral, got it? Now just leave me be," He finally shook you off and left, slamming the door and leaving you in darkness.

Darkness that Mammon would soon return to, only the apartment he left you at was set ablaze. His heart was hammering in his chest as he rushed past the crowd, swerving through the fire despite the cries from the crowd for him to stop.

Pushing open the door, his heart hammered in his chest as he seen you, on the ground. He couldn't care about the smoke, even as he hacks his lungs out, as he checks your vitals desperately.

You were still alive, although barely. As he picks you up, a paper falls out of your hand. He picks it up and his world stops moving.

'Next time we'll kill them. Pay your debts.' He knew exactly who it was from, those damned witches. Cursing under his breath, he carries you out of the burning building, and on the ride to the hospital, he's blubbering apology after apology, begging for your forgiveness, even though you've yet to wake.

SATAN

"You can't do anything right, can you?" Satan hisses out, snatching the book in your hand away from you. You thought you'd try and be helpful, to organize his books for him since it had gotten so messy, but instead you were met with his fury. "Damn it, you messed everything up!" He groans at the sight of his books being put back in their place. He had a system! And you ruined it.

"I have to reorganize all of this now!" He swiped all the books you had put on the shelf off, them all clattering to the ground with heavy thuds. You slowly backed yourself towards the door. "The only thing you knew how to do right was die." The memory of dying by his brothers hand was painful, but nearly as painful as his words.

You choke on a sob, tears spilling down your cheeks. "I- I'm sorry," You whimper out, before leaving. It takes Satan a few hours to calm down, and once he does, he feels incredibly guilty. He should apologize, he decides, embarrassed as he opens the door- only to be met with a frantic household.

"Satan! There you are! What the hell!" Mammon is the first to notice Satan and his confusion.

"What's going on?" Satan asks, peering down the hall. "Where is [Y/n]?" Mammon falters, awkwardly shifting in place.

"No one told you...?" Satan gave him a look that read 'told-me-what?' and Mammon frowns, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"They got into an accident. We're all heading to the hospital but..." Satan's heart sinks at the grim look Mammon holds. "It doesn't sound good, s- so hurry!"

An accident? You got into an accident? He doesn't bother to wait for his brothers, rushing to where you're being held, and when he gets to you... Your body is bruised and battered, and your vitals are weak but at the very least stable.

"No... Please, no..." He takes your hand in his, "Y- You have to wake up, okay? So I can apologize properly, so you can hate him. I need you to wake up and hate me, okay? Curse me, hex me, I don't care just wake up..." He holds back the bile crawling up his throat. "Don't die, I can't... I didn't mean it. I can't lose you, so please... Don't die."

BELPHEGOR

"Damn it, when you came back I should've just killed you again." He grumbled, swatting your hand away. He rolls over in his bed, his back facing you. "Stupid humans, good for nothin'..." Belphegor grumbles, closing his eyes. He just wants to sleep now.

"You're so mean..." You hold back tears, going to leave. "I'm not gonna bother to ask you if you wanna join ever again!" You huff, and he rolls his eyes, snuggling further into his bed.

"Don' care, never talk to me again for all I care." With that, you left (promptly slamming the door) and he fell asleep without a care.

And it's not until he's being shaken that he wakes again. "Damn it, wake up, Belphie..."

"Ugh, I thought you said you weren't gonna talk to me anymore," He groans, slapping at the hand shaking him. Except, as he wakes up some more, he realizes it's not your voice but Asmodeus. "Huh? Oh, I thought you were..." Belphie's words die in his throat at the tear-snot drenched face Asmodeus had. "What-"

"You idiot!" Asmodeus shrieks, "Do you even know what's going on? Of course you don't!" Belphie rolls his eyes, thinking Asmo is being dramatic again.

"I don't have time for this-"

"They died." Belphegor freezes, his blood running cold. "They died, and it's all your fault! If you had just joined us, then that dumbass demon would've been too scared to approach 'em, and wouldn't have hurt 'em!" Wait hold on... You died? No, this had to be some dumb prank, right? Right!?

"Asmo, what the fuck are you talking about?"

"Come downstairs and see for yourself!" Belphie follows apprehensively, and sure enough, there you lay, in your bed as if you were asleep, but you weren't. He couldn't hear your heart, that heartbeat that always lulled him into his most peaceful slumbers.

"No, not again..." His hands were shaking as he approached you, "How could I... I did... this?" He looks at his brothers, who shamefully turn away from his gaze. "No, I... I was just sleeping... I..." Tears spill down his cheeks. Curses and shouts erupt from him as he flips your desk, throwing memorabilia, and the such- energy his brothers haven't seen from him in quite some time. It was going to be a while before he accepted your death, once again dying because of him— And this time, there was no reset option.

[angelismmm]

mmmm i can only think of hsr men dancing with me in masquerade ball a.u

twirling and dancing about and then w take a break and sip some wine ARGHH

╭╯ ❝ 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞? ❞ ✦

┊𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧'𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱﹕ an anonymous man asks you for your hand at a masquerade ball that your friend hosted. originally you never liked going to parties, hell why even attend a ball when you can take a rest at home?! but, you know, 1 ball isn't that bad.

╰ ꒱﹒ 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥'𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐝𝐞﹕ no warnings, just masquerade ball shenanigans :3

一 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬﹕ i've been pondering, and pondering, and pondering when to write on this account istg.. anyways im back and school was great?!?! also YES NEW LAYOUT WOOO

一 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧﹕ luocha, welt, blade x gn!reader (seperate)

luocha 一

he really knows his way around the dance floor, whether or not it's his first time, in his free time definitely learned how to dance! so graceful with it too. amazing hand placement 100%

he knows very well on where to step, on where to place his hands on you, makes sure you're comfortable with what he's doing as well!

genuinely loves to twirl you around when you dance with him, like he finds it so amazingly satisfying for some reason, so expect quite the smug smile whenever he does twirl you

as for his outfit, the classic all white suit decorated with gold on his jacket and tie. and doesn't wanna be so anonymous, but probably lets his hair in a low ponytail and a mask that only covers his green eyes. the mask is white and like gold on the very edge of the mask, ykwim?? like the brims of the mask are with yellow, gold, all that good stuff

will make sure you both have very often breaks, he knows how tiring dancing can get, whether your forehead is covered with your mask or not, by the end of the night, it'll be kissed <3

and for the matter that you both stop for wine, he controls his alcohol very well! considering he is a doctor, he knows the amount he can handle.

probably the type of guy to hug you from behind every chance he gets.

originally tells you, you should go with your friend who got an invite that mentions they could bring a plus one, just for him to end up going and steal you away to show everyone what a true star you are, and how bright you can really be.

a blonde-haired man, his hair was in a low ponytail, walked up to you. disguised with a beautiful mask, approaches you from behind, and whispers into your ear, "may i have this dance?"

welt 一

same as luocha, he knows how to dance, and to add onto that, he dances very well. probably the one who invited you to the ball with him, helped you decide on what you'd wear since he wanted, or atleast hinted he wanted to match with you

matching masks as well>>> it's a need to him!!

literal blushing mess as soon as he sees you wear what he suggested for you to wear to the ball, he's genuinely a blushing mess, like his legs lowkey tremble

i like to hc that he writes a ton too

so like he'd write about the moment you stepped out of your room

he's giddy about the idea

literally in love with you all over again

would definitely have you in his arms, as in his arms around your waist, his head on your shoulder hugging you from behind, while it's just the two of you out in the balcony of the place where the ball was held ahh <3

literally just wants to show you off to everyone.. nicely. like he'll sway you all around the dance floor and everyone else attending the ball is watching how graceful you both are, and he's just smirking, all smug n shit behind his mask.

easily calms himself down, and knows the way to truly embrace you and your beauty as you glide on the dance floor, would probably carry you by the end of the dance, and kiss you on the nose, and lastly hug you close.

himeko took pictures of that exact moment, nonstop teasing from her as well.

blade 一

lowkey shy, but confident at the same time, acts like he doesn't know who you are, but at the same time, he knows what colors fit you, and colors you prefer on your clothing

if you took his suggestion on what to where to the ball when you asked him, will lowkey blush too一 really subtle, but since his mask would only cover his eyes, you could see a subtle blush on his face. you might not see it, but its there.

of course, kafka probably helped hum pick stuff out for his outfit, even though he knows what he clearly would like on his suit. probably waa flashier than expected because kafka is so cool

recognizes you instantly, but like i said, he'll act like he doesn't know, just asking a random person onto the dance floor, very well aware that he's dancing with you.

so i headcannon him to be a man with spectacular taste in fashion, knows exactly what fits a person, probably only the closest of his friends or loved ones knows this.

fast forward to the next day; you are talking to your close friend, blade, about going to a ginarmous masquerade ball last night, he'd just nod and be an active listener to your story, amazing listener to all your stories actually.

while you ramble about the man you danced with at the ball, saying how well he swayed along the smooth, and shiny tiles of the ground, and probably was the best dancer in the room. to your shock, he mentions he attended the ball as well as his business genius friend; Kafka's assistant, to follow along with her.

kind of just is flushed while you find out he was the one you danced with. will slightly hesitate if you ask him to teach you to dance like him, but will dance with you either way.

10/10, would dance with again fr

一 took me 1 month to write again, lmao

[thedivineflowers]

hi!!! Love you works they’re so silly and good😜but sad😔 anyway I hope you’re doing well! I wanted to ask for when the boys (idk how many you’ll take but I think if you need a limited amount go with the first years😭) but yea when the boys say something plain ass bitchy and mean to middleschool!reader, like how were magic-less useless kid (looking at you Ace😡) saying some shit about our family or babying us too much till it become insufferable or smth and then when we get rightfully upset and cry or get upset (leaning on crying for more drama, angst and guilt😘) they realize how bad they fucked up and apologize, I feel like we would be a little stubborn about the apology depended on who it is to😭 but yea my goofy ahh request take your time and you can switch up the characters it’s your writing I don’t care! Love you works<333

YEHAHAHAHAHAH I LOVE THIS IDEA SM AND I LIKE DONT REALLY HAVE A LIMIT UNLESS I COULDNT REALLY THINK OF SOMETHING SO EYEYEYEY

OKAY IMA ETART IM SOMEZCIYED

I ONLY DID THE FIRST YEARS BECAUSE IT WAS GONNA TAKE SOME TIME AND I DIDNT WANT TO KEEP YOU WAITING SO HERE 😆

Ace: he’d always tease you. And during the first few weeks when he was warming up to you he’d diss you by saying that you were nothing without magic. He even referred to you as the useless and magicless kid for some time. Even after months he still referred to you as that and one day you just bursted. “Why can’t you shut up about me being magicless?! I know I’m at a disadvantage but I’m tired of it! The jokes dead now why can’t you get it!? If I could I’d just make a portal by myself to go back to my world so I don’t have to listen to you all damn day but guess what?! Im just some useless and magicless kid!!” You shouted at tears ran down your face. You stormed away and he tried running after you but you quickly maneuvered away from him. Because of his pride he didn’t apologize for days and stayed quiet when around you. One day after he was given a reality check by Deuce he apologized because guilt was really eating away at him. You still avoided him for a bit just to make sure but your friendship came back together.

Deuce: he kinda has a temper (to me he does) and he’ll let it out sometimes making him call you shit like Ace. But because he is trying to be a good student (and a good friend) he’d be very quiet if he’d call you things but you always manage to him whisper it to himself. One day you two were alone in the classroom doing detention because you two got into a fight when a guy mocked you. “Hey, Deuce.” You called him with an empty tone. “Do you really wish that I had magic. That I had someone to look after me so you didn’t have to stick around me all the time?” You asked as you eyes were glued to the table in front of you. Barely managing to answer the first question on your math homework. “I see how you look at me when I mess something up because I lack magic. I just wanna know.” You said as there was a pressure on your throat. Like you wanted to throw up and let out a yell at the same time. His answer only made the pressure worse as your breathing became short. Did he really think that it’d been better if the magic mirror didn’t pick you? That you’d only stay as the schools janitor? You quickly walked out leaving everything behind to go to the teachers bathroom that you had access to. Everyone thought the same thing about you so why were you throwing up in the sink and crying your eyes out? Because you thought of him as different? No. Deuce came to your dorm later that evening with your completed math homework and backpack. He sighed before apologizing about what he said earlier and the things he’s called you. After some talking your friendship was alright but with rockiness

Jack: At first because you were obviously magicless he’d be very overbearing to you when it comes to things like flying your broom three feet off the ground. He’d chastise you when you used simple spells by waking you up the morning and running with him. He’s trying to protect you but it seems that he underestimates what you know you can and can’t do. You’d get frustrated and try to express that you didn’t need to be babied but the words would just stay stuck in your throat because you knew that he was just trying to look after you. “I can do this Jack! You need to stop worrying about me with small things like having the damn ladle stir itself in the pot! I’m not gonna get hurt with it and I know you’re looking after me but you’re making me uneasy like I could die from just touching a book about small spells! You’ve seen me fly a broom around and be perfectly fine in Mr. Crewels class so what is it that makes you think that I need you breathing down my neck all the time?! Is it because I’m magicless and from another world? Is it because I’m still a kid?” You bubbles over and spewed at him one day while you were making yourself dinner. Jack stood there as he awkwardly looked to the side trying to find an excuse. “I-“ “Im not as fragile as you think. If I was I would’ve been dead.” He’d been contemplating how much magic you could handle and he knows you know that he’s watching over you but he doesn’t know that it was getting overwhelming for you. He avoided you for a bit before apologizing and admitting that he had protected you because he feared you were weak because you were still a kid. You nodded in understanding and forgave him.

Epel: he had a small ego boost because he heard that you were magicless and a child who still knew nothing. He’d also heard Vil chatting away about you and saying mean things even when you were around. So he thought that you wouldn’t mind if he did too. You tried getting along with him at one point but he just pushed you away. “Is there something wrong with me that makes you stay away from me? I know that Im nothing like you but I’m trying to make an effort to get along with you!” You cornered him one day in the hall with small tears about to well over. He had almost nothing to say but a small peep “Does me being magicless and from another world disgust you? If it does then just say it already so I can leave you the hell alone and stop wasting my time trying to make an effort!” You demanded “I- no, not at all! I just…” He cleared his throat away of his country accent. “I thought that a kid like you couldn’t go through so many things and not have anything to hold onto yourself, ‘thought it was silly and that everyone and you were bluffin’ so I pushed you away because I thought you were way over yourself before I even got the chance to talk you properly…” he trailed off as you wiped your eyes and looked at him in understanding. Over time you both tried holding conversations to get to know each other and get warmed up so the same mistake doesn’t happen again. (It is hot in my damn room help 😭)

(The ones from diasomnia don’t really know you here)

Sebek 😈: He’d always talk about it was ‘impossible for a child with nothing to their name’ to even do anything in a world where they didn’t belong when he wasn’t stuffing his mouth with praises for Malleus. How ‘Their parents clearly made a mistake in raising them’ because you couldn’t cast a spell in class without needing help or looking at the instructions again. He’d even insult you in front of Malleus when you do someone like walk past their table “That child has no grace when they walk! Even in the presence of my lord himself! Utterly disgusting!” He’d say and the other three wouldn’t really respond because they hardly know you. One day Mr. Crewel had you two paired in a project so you two went to a secluded place to start (I mean he walked away while you followed after him.). “For the hundredth time that species will poison you! Can’t you understand?! Sevens I don’t know how you’re alive when you can’t even memorize stuff like this.” He muttered as he pinched the space between his eyes. You then slammed your fists in the table with tears of Frustration boiling up. “Can’t you understand that I can’t get a grasp of things here?! I’m only (age) and I’m in the (grade) grade! No sebek I cant understand anything because I’m not from here! I’m not supposed to be here making spells or talking to you because I’m supposed to be in a world where I get shut out like you have done to me because of shit like this! I don’t have an identity but only my face as proof of my existence! I don’t care about this project anymore you can blame me all you want I’m leaving.” You concluded before shoving papers in your bag and hastily walking away before he could even speak. After he had complained of what you said to him to Lilia he suggested that he look at it from your view and apologize. So he did. Which earned him nothing more than a smack on the face and a door to his nose. It’s up to you if you forgive him.

[deedala]

🍃w e e k l y t a g w e d n e s d a y🍃

thank you to @energievie for writing the game this week and thanks for tagging me!! also thanks for tagging me for this and also for the pinterest game which im putting down below @lingy910y @gallapiech @suzy-queued @creepkinginc @thepupperino @blue-disco-lights @crossmydna @jrooc @heymacy @wehangout @mybrainismelted @xninetiestrendx @heymrspatel XOXOXO all of you 💖💖💖

Name: deanna

Age: noel-aged

Location: ooohiooo

And now...

What is your DJ name? i dunno, when i worked in college radio it was something about a fish... okay wait yes, lets go with DJ Fishy 🙃

If you were a genre of music, what would it be? whatever chappell roan's the rise and fall of a midwest princess is

What would you title your biography? Wellp

What are the first three things you'd do if you were invisible? i like this idea of sneaking onto expensive modes of transportation. i would do that assuming i had no where else to be and no responsibilities to see to 😆 and i would also rob rich people... and maybe i would go for walks int he middle of the night by myself and feel safe lol

What subject do you wish was taught in every school?  all the important money and personal finance basics that they used to teach but then stopped because it made it easier to prey on adults who didnt know how to manage their credit and debt or do their taxes correctly 😜

When was the last time you tried something for the first time and what was it?  uuhhh...the only thing i can think of right now is a lavender flavored matcha drink that was recommended a few months ago? ive gotten it again a few times (including today!) and its very good. im so happy i know what lavender tastes like now 😆

What is the most underrated city you have ever visited?  this is very hard...i dont even really know how to know how most cities are rated anyway?? i feel like all the cities ive been to and loved are pretty universally rated highly lol. uhhhhh...i dunno.. Heidelberg, Germany? Luxembourg City? one of those.

What day in your life would you like to relive? uuhh i dunno, im going with wedding day because i barely remember any of it, it was such a blur. i would be less responsible and have more fun 😅

If you could eliminate one thing from your daily routine, what would it be and why?  i really love sleeping and going to bed and falling asleep. but i hate waking up and i hate losing the time to unconsciousness. so if i could stay alive and not be tired and never sleep that would be so cool.

How long would you last in a zombie apocalypse?  i like to think i could last pretty long because i am a huge wimp and have great Nope It's Time To Go instincts. Also im good at climbing.

What would be the most surprising scientific discovery imaginable? uuhhh backwards time travel

If you could have any view out your office window, what would you choose? puget sound with the olympic mountain range in the distance

☀️pinterest tag game☀️

i was tagged to do this pinterest game where you search Fashion, Pantone, Mood, and Food and post the first pin from each of the search results. gotta be honest buddies i dont really use pinterest very often and when i do its for random photo references sooooo...

x x x x

i do not know what is happening with that outfit. that is not really a color i would pick but its fine? the mood is pretty but looks kind of melancholy. that last photo though??? oh my god let me climb into there i wanna sit in the cozy rustic kitchen and eat pastries pleaaaaassseeeee!!!!!!

and now to tag in more folks to play either or both of these games!! 💖💖 @michellemisfit @darlingian @too-schoolforcool @the-rat-wins @lee-ow @mmmichyyy @iansw0rld @transmickey @burninface @loftec @metalheadmickey @gallawitchxx @gardenerian @vintagelacerosette @palepinkgoat @sam-loves-seb @samantitheos @sleepyfacetoughguy @sickness-health-all-that-shit @sleepyheadgallavich @rereadanon @mikhailoisbaby @mickeysgaymom @themarchg1rl @callivich @softmick @captainjowl @howlinchickhowl @spookygingerr @spoonfulstar @steorie @whatwouldmickeydo @burninface

[wastelandlovingscenarios]

undeniable | porter gage x female! sole survivor

a/n: am i finally back on my bullshit, uploading on a random sunday night? this is different from what i usually write, but hey! im definitely writing something. im too tired to revise or edit this bc its 12 AM, so ill look it over in the morning. just thought i'd post something silly.

♡ based off a modern au where gage and the sole survivor are childhood bestfriends in another life.

For as long as Gage can remember, she’s been a burden. Being nearly five years older than her and her guardian -- or her best friend, as she likes to call him -- he’s always felt inclined to watch over her. He doesn’t know why, he knows he doesn't necessarily need to, but the thought of abandoning her feels wrong. So he tries to find reasons as to why -- was it because they both grew up in terrible conditions together and only had each other? Or was it because he knew the moment he let her dumbass go into the real world alone, she’d somehow get herself killed? 

He shakes his head. Finding a reason was nothing but a waste of time, his mind overworking itself more than it already was. He dumbs it down to simply getting used to the routine of caring for her since they were children. If he fucks up his schedule now, he’d have to go through the trouble of rearranging everything around once again and readjust to his new lifestyle. 

‘Yeah,’ he thinks to himself, unlocking his apartment door, twisting the knob, ‘It’ll be nothing but fucking trouble.’ 

Once he pushes the door open, his boots thumping against the tiled floor of his apartment, he sees her sitting on the couch, distracted by the show playing on the television. His eyes darted over to the coffee table in front of her, papers and open textbooks strewn across the poor thing, obviously untouched and just displayed prettily to mimic the idea that she was being productive. 

With a low grumble, he tosses his bag on the counter nearby and takes off his boots before grabbing the remote lying on the couch. She’s so invested in her little show that she barely even notices him walking in with a scowl and an annoyed sigh. Sole jumps when the television shuts off suddenly, a gasp leaving her lips before turning her head to the side. 

“Hey, I was watching!” she whines, already rising from the couch to pick another fight with him. He doesn’t show any reaction and instead, crosses his arms with an unimpressed expression while he holds the remote hostage. 

She tries her best to grab it from his hand but he rolls his eyes, gently pushing her back down onto the couch. 

“Quit watchin’ and start studyin’. Yer not gonna get shit done like this.” 

She huffs angrily, her eyes narrowing at him, “Gage, a little break wouldn’t hurt every once in a while.” 

“And what have you accomplished since I left for work this afternoon?” 

Sole swallows nervously, her mouth going dry at his questions as she opens and closes it, trying her best to stand her ground. He raises a brow, giving her a chance to respond and redeem herself, but he already knows. She was a fool for thinking she could get away with such a lie, knowing that Gage knew her better than anyone else.

“Thought so,” he stuffed the remote in the back of his pocket, “Now be a good girl and finish yer damn work. I’m not paying yer tuition for you to fuck around.” 

Sole groans but listens obediently, pulling the coffee table closer to her. She grabs her laptop and unlocks it, opening her notes before reaching over to snatch one of her textbooks. 

“I don’t understand why you’re on my ass about my studies so much, Gage,” she complains, highlighting something in her book a bit roughly, “You didn't even finish high school, so why does it even matter?” 

He doesn’t spare her much of an answer, walking over to the kitchen to find something to cook for them, “Exactly my point. You wanna be better than me.”  

“But you make so much money, you’re able to provide for both of us!” she throws her hands in the air, desperately trying to prove a point to her stubborn roommate, who seemed to be firm on his words.

“That’s only because I got connections. Now shut your mouth and study.” 

He doesn’t find much in the fridge nor the cabinets, silently setting a reminder in his mind to do a grocery run first thing tomorrow before work. Eventually, he decides to heat up some leftovers they had for lunch and cut up some fruit for her to snack on while she did her work. It’s shit, he knows, but it’ll do till tomorrow. 

He makes his way back to the living room, plopping on the couch next to her and setting the food on the coffee table, maintaining a good distance between their dinner and her work. The last thing he wanted was to spill anything on her laptop and notes -- it would only give her another reason not to be productive. 

He doesn’t say much, but his eyes flicker over to her for a moment, a small smile on his face at the sight of her seemingly focused on her work now, a sense of satisfaction overcoming him. Gage leans back on the couch, pulling his phone out to distract himself while he kept her company in the living room. He takes a few bites of his portion of the leftovers, glancing at Sole here and there to ensure she was still on track. 

It’s a peaceful few minutes, he can’t recall how long, as they both sit in silence, her music playing softly in the background to fill up the white noise. Suddenly, he hears a sigh, sounding a bit defeated, and his eyes set on her sulking figure. 

“Gage, I know that you want the best for me, but I’m nearly twenty-three and you still treat me like a kid.” he stares at her, not showing any reaction but notices how she refused to make eye contact with him, her eyes glued to the screen of her laptop. 

When she doesn’t get a response, she closes her eyes before turning her body towards him, her expression serious, but he can see right through her. She’s pleading, but not in an annoying bratty way like she usually does, so he decides to listen to her troubles. 

She scoots closer to him and he watches, his phone long forgotten in his hand, “I’m really grateful for you and all that, but you need to trust that I can do well in school and balance my time. You can’t take care of me forever.” 

Instead of getting a response like she’d hope for, she was met with the usual silence he often provided her when she tried to set her boundaries. With an irate expression, she turned back to her laptop, her face flushed in embarrassment, feeling like her words vanished into thin air. 

She should’ve known better than to talk to Gage — he was a man of few words and she didn’t know why she expected him to at least say something to show that he at least cared about her feelings one way or the other.

Before she could continue studying to hide her embarrassment and anger, she hears his voice and freezes. 

“I know.” his voice is gravelly, a bit of exhaustion mixed into it, and her head shoots to him, a bit stunned at his broken silence. Her eyes are wide, body paralyzed at the sudden response. There’s a slight flush on his face but she convinces herself it’s the lighting. 

Definitely. 

He knows she’s waiting for more than just that and he sighs, crossing his arms as he makes eye contact with her the best he can without losing his shit, “Just want you to have a good future. Want you to live a better life than what I’m giving you right now before I send you off.” 

Suddenly, she’s overcome with guilt and she immediately leans over to him, her hands finding his as she cuts him off, “No, that’s not what I meant!”

With another breath, she composes herself before speaking. 

“Gage, you’ve given me everything I’ve wanted and needed, the last thing I’ll ever do is criticize your care for me. I don’t plan on leaving your side, even when I get a better life.” 

His heart twinges and his feelings for her resurface, but he pushes it down. 

She pulls on the sleeves of his hoodie, playing with the fabric with her fingers, “I just want you to trust me more. I know I’ve been slacking a bit, but I’d never fail school, especially when I know you’re working hard to provide for both of us and paying for my tuition. I’d never do that to you.”

“Wouldn’t say I’m working hard,” he downplays it, not wanting her to fret about such a miniscule matter. 

She groans, “You work twelve hour shifts everyday. Sometimes fourteen!”

He shrugs nonchalantly and Sole pouts at his stubbornness, smacking his arm with annoyance. Gage bites back a smirk, amused by her behavior and catches her wrist midair, her eyes rolling. Instead of providing her with a response, he digs in his pocket and hands her the remote to the TV and her eyes light up, a smile forming on her pretty face. His heart aches at the sight. It was such a small action but it was more than enough to validate her feelings. 

“Thank you, you’re the best!” she jumped over, throwing her arms around his neck as she embraced him tightly. 

His face flushed heavily and tried to seem annoyed to cover it up but the stutter in his voice and the tenseness of his shoulders gave it away. Gage pushed her away with his hand as he groaned quietly, “I get it, don’t need to be so damn happy about it.” 

However, she pecked his cheek and he froze instantly, his body paralyzed and his voice raising in embarrassment, “Q-Quit it!”

She giggles and doesn’t take much offense to his words, knowing that he was nothing but a big softie for her. As she released him, she smiled at him happily once more before turning to the TV and putting her show back on. 

Gage rubbed the spot where she kissed, his face a deep red as he tried to regain his composure. Suddenly, he pushes down the real reason of why he refused to leave her side for the millionth time, reminding himself that there were several other possibilities other than that. 

‘What a damn burden,’ he thinks to himself, desperately trying to fight back his feelings for her, his eyes glued to her gleeful form next to him. 

Suddenly, her kiss lingered on his skin a little too long, the feeling of her arms around him marking his skin, and he’s left absolutely horrified, realizing that he could no longer convince himself otherwise. 

Maybe accepting it was better than constantly running and Gage thinks it over for a moment but ultimately shakes his head, wanting to do anything but that. 

‘Just a stupid thought. Some stupid fucking feelings,’ he settles for that answer but knows deep down that he’s already lost the battle, his heart hammering in his chest. 

[preciadosbass]

28/7/14 [draft from yesterday]

woke up at 11:47 to my parents in my doorway. mum started putting stuff on my bed but i though it was just stuff of mine that id left around the house but it turned out she’d bought me some stuff which is really nice. she got me socks [because i only have one non-fluffy pair], slippers [because our dogs hair is everywhere and my pyjamas end up getting the hair all over the house, even after the place has been hoovered], and purple trainers [because beforehand i only had my converse + knee high converse, and they were both getting muddy and causing me blisters when i go on walks.] i feel extra bad about the argument we had last night now.

i was super tired and my eyes still felt like they were glued shut but i decided not to go back to sleep. i got a little anxious when i saw my ex bestfriend was sad so i sent him a message telling him that i’m here for him and stuff. i still care about him so much, even if we don’t talk anymore. i watched a mikey way complication and listened to a podcast with the way brothers on up until 1:20 when i had a nap [im lazy, i know]

i should mention, i had the weirdest dream. so excuse how bad this explanation is going to be. me and kellin [quinn] were both teens and we were at a restaurant. he had tacky plastic skates on and started doing backflips in them? and running on the spot and joking about being chased? it was such a strange dream to have, especially because i haven’t had one in ages. also, my dad was there for some reason lmaoo

i woke up at around 2 and stayed with boris until 3:20 before i had something to eat and started researching a few crime cases. id been thinking about reading a bit of my sylvia plath book but i got in another argument with my parents [not really with my dad] and practically went into sensory overload so i went in my room and scrolled through ed related things on reddit. although i just wanted to have a conversation with them.

my dad lets things go easier, but mum tends to start saying ‘maybe you’d be happy if i’m not here’ and stuff like that, which i have never and would never imply to her. it just makes me feel like shit, she acts like i’m not allowed to be mad. and i feel absolutely terrible writing this, especially because of the whole gift thing from earlier, and i know shes probably just stressed, and i love her, but nobody acknowledges that i am too. they never do, whatever i do seems to anger my mum. anyway, i spiralled writing this and i don’t wanna turn it into a complete vent post, so let’s carry on.

i carried on scrolling through reddit until like 8 where i went on a walk with all of my family [which we haven’t done in at least a year]. didn’t get off to a good start because the second i walked outside my sister dropped her phone on our rock driveway and smashed her phone to pieces.

she was arguing about paying for the damage up until we got to the park when she went back home with my dad. me and my mum carried on walking while we did would you rather because anything else was starting an argument. we ended up doing so right before we got home but at least i walked for an hour today, i wish it’d been more though. also at one point she asked me if i was questioning my gender like WHAT?? why didn’t i take the opportunity to tell her ffs.. when i got home i obviously said hi to boris and then scrolled on twitter for a bit.

one of my acquaintance’s [i call anyone my age that i know that, because i know people, but they’re not nice to me whatsoever, we don’t hang out, they bully me, i don’t consider them a friend etc] was being their usual self again. i try everything i can to politely escape them/avoid them but i just don’t know how. id feel bad cutting contact with no explanation but if i told them all the disgusting things they do they’d deny it. but i know i have to at some point, they’re such a bad person and i’m tired of putting up with them.

anyway, i feel like i seem like a bitch for not liking them, and the problem in every scenario i’ve written about today so let me know if anyone actually reads this and wants to know what makes her such a bad person. after seeing that i listened to some evanescence and i was just about to put on my fight club dvd i got from a bootsale a while ago when my dad said he was ready for me to ask questions about boris soon so i went up to their room.

we actually didn’t argue tonight because i was able to get on with it quite quickly so i did my teeth and said goodnight to boris around 3. he again started purring before id even started stroking him, he’s so precious. also went over my cals by like 60 today so that sucks

have a good day/night -_<

[guerrillateezsworld]

Rory Keaner dom and sub headcannons

-a/n- hey hey long time no see. i’m back for now but i probably still won’t be writing as much. my friend begged me for this though so i guess all do it

warnings- nsfw, dom and sub rory, normal smut/suggestive stuff

here’s my opinion on dom and sub rory! ALL FAKE AND A PART OF MY IMAGINATION!!

made for @memog1rl

——————

SUB RORY

-sweet

-WHINY OMFG IM TELLING YOU

-honestly, rory is probably a lot more freaky than you’d think.

-some of his kinks:

-mommy OR daddy kink (depending on his partner)

-he likes having his partner handcuff him idk why

-BLINDFOLDS!!

-soft sex because it’s rory. when he’s a sub, he’s all needy and whiny(bratty) and just needs your affection or anything to satisfy his

-PRAISE KINK!!

-DEGRADING KINK!!

-others

-be nice to him, be respectful. even if he likes being degraded, just don’t be extremely mean about it

-he’s a really emotional person and you can tell

-depending on his mood, he can be very BRATTY or OBEYING. just depends on how freaky he’s feeling lmfao

-if he’s bratty, ur in for a ride!!

-if he’s very obeying, make sure you let him know he’s being your good boy

-pet names like baby, babyboy, cutie, sweetie, etc. gets him going!!

-call him a good boy!!! (unless he’s being bad, just don’t be too mean)

—————

DOM RORY

-well shit… have fun!!

-just because he’s on the smaller side doesn’t mean he can’t manhandle you

-he’s still really soft and caring but yk.. yeahhh

-HE IS SO POSSESSIVE OMFGGGGG

-when he’s a dom, it’s usually rough sex unless he’s tired and he just wants to make you feel good, he doesn’t care abt his release

-some kinks:

-BITING!! yk, since he’s a vampire, ofc he has a biting kink duhhh

-not really a blood kink but it is cuz he’s a vamp, but when he kind of sinks his fangs, he’ll always suck the blood duh. but not too much, like barely because he really really doesn’t want to hurt you. if you don’t wanna be bit, he’ll NEVER EVER force you AT ALL

-HICKEYS OMFGGGGG. he loves it so so so much. when you guys are done, you’re definitely COVERED. if you don’t want them noticeable, they’ll be where usually only he can see them. or on your thighs and stomach, maybe even your back. but always expect to have hickeys no matter what

-SHOWER SEX!! he’s a lot stronger than you’d think. so he’s able to hold you so you don’t fall. but you’ll always be left sore no matter what

-others:

-bite marks everywhere. kind of like hickeys but bite marks. sometimes he’ll use fangs but he also no fangs

-when you’re wearing a dress, he’ll make you sit on his lap

-or he’ll 100% always have his arms around you. hands on your thighs, hips, arms, yeah

-he’s a really good brat tamer tbh… so make decisions wisely!!

-he loves when you’re so obeying. like you’re his and he’s glad you’re so sweet and listen to everything he says

-he calls you his good girl (or boy)

-if you’re comfortable with it, he loves calling you his slut. like it’s just natural instinct tbhhhh

—————-

anddd done!! i hope you all enjoyed it and thanks for reading❤️❤️

[vivaladicamillo]

Okay so I don’t know why but I’m just so fixated this idea? I can imagine a female reader, being the first and only girl in the jackass crew and also being apart of wildboyz. Her, Chris, & Steve-O are all attached at the hips obviously and maybe one day after filming for Wildboyz they all go back to the hotel and clean up, have a big smoke sess and it just leads to these two tag teaming her while there all high as hell? (Which btw I feel like it’s very much a common occurrence 🤭 especially if they’re in like a poly relationship)

STEVEO/READER/CHRIS PONTIUS IMAGINE

im literally so obsessed with this idea, know that chris and steve-o were so close anyways it always makes me giggle. sorry i didnt get to do this sooner i have had a kidney stone and have been super sick bc of it, welp enjoy!! this is also my first ever like actual written out smut so sorry if its absolute shit but i have the writing skills of a idiot so….

WARNINGS: cursing, drinking, talks of drugs and alcohol, and smut

—————————————

ok so u, steve-o and chris have always been pretty close

yall all met through the first season of jackass

u were good friends with steph so she invited u to go watch her and the guys do stupid shit

and ofc u wanted to participate

so u go onto set looking around for her

instead u see two half naked men just chillin, standing around

after some first awkward glances u meet with steph and watch everything unfold

everyone was in the middle of a type of field with a huge loop that ppl were trying to ride with skate boards and bikes and shit

it was actually super cool

after a few hours of filming in the hot sun u pretty much were beat

u walk over to ur friend to tell her u think ur gonna head out for today

but little do u know the two guys from earlier are also friends with steph

so the four of yall get to talking

and u learn that the one man whos tan, in pretty good shape and is now wearing bunny ears and a flower bra is chris pontius, and the other bald man wearing a cheetah speedo is steve-o

they both invited u to join them to get ihop after the shoot

and just like that a trio was born

the three of u were always together

either just chillin, partying, or filming

u guys were never apart

u were the only one out of the three who actually had an apartment

so the two mostly (basically) lived at ur house

after the seasons of jackass ended steve-o and chris ended up doing a spin off called “wildboyz”

obviously u were still gonna be with them

u do hella cameos in wildboyz

u do all the shit that the guys are too pussy to do

swimming with alligators, sharks, bears rlly anything

also when steveo didnt wanna jump off the bridge with wings on, u def did

so lets set the scene

after doing some filming in australia, the crew and u three decide to go out on the town in melborne

just doing some bar hopping

eventually the crew gets tired and drunk and go off back to the hotel room

not the three american idiots tho

u steveo and pontius are just having a grand ol’ time drinking, goofing around and just having fun

it seems awesome

until pontius ends up fist fighting with some random guys which leads to steveo also getting involved

that gets everyone kicked out the bar

after some mumbling and complaining from the two u bring up a solution

“hey lets just go back to my room, i brought some weed we could go smoke or something..”

it was a absolute yes

who says no to weed?

the three of u go back to ur hotel room and smoke 2 whole joints together

yall were HIGHHHHH

the three of u guys were just in a cluster on the cheap ass hotel rug, giggling and cracking jokes till way into the night

the thing is, when ur high, u tend to get a little touchy

so little touches on chris’ chest while laughing here and accidently touching steveos thigh there

totally innocent touches

things start to get a little intense tho

longer eye contact from chris, steve-o trying to make u laugh more

and just like that steve-o has u in a bear hug, ur back to his chest while chris is next to u guys

after u calm urself down from having a giggle attack

u look over at chris

“have i ever told u, u have a pretty face y/n” chris says

u kinda had to stop in ur tracks a bit, only bc ur surprised

“yea, ur right chris, i also never say how good u smell dude, its like heavenly” steveo chimes in

u start to get a little nervous

yea u thought ur two friends were super hot but u werent gonna tell THEM that

“yea its probably because i actually shower, unlike u two” u giggle trying to ease the tension

“im serious y/n, ur actually gorgeous, ive just never told u like out loud in person before” chris says

ur face starts to turn bright red

“guys wha-“

“aweee chris ur making them blush” steve-o chuckles

at this point ur beat red, and a little sweaty

ur just baffled bc u know all abt the type of ppl chris and steve-o go for, you the last person u would ever think they would even come close to saying that stuff too

“hey, lets put a proposal on the table” steveo says, snaking his hand around ur waist

“its been a hell of a night, why dont we end this shit off right, chris? y/n? u down?”

“LIKE SEX?” u blurt out in ur intoxicated state causing the two guys to burst out laughing

“yes y/n, like sex” chris says

welp who knew this was gonna happen

ur two best friends wanting to fuck u??? like what?? how did this happen

i mean u were already in steveos lap, having his hand wrap around ur waist as his head rests on ur shoulder and chris on the opposite side of u playing with ur hair, curling it in between his fingers

“fuck it” u say, turning to chris

chris leans in and starts kissing u

eh well not kissing

more like very drunkly making out

steve-o starts kissing and licking on ur neck

all this is making ur face bright red

and tbh making u hella turned on

u eventually crawl out of steveos lap straddling chris

he runs his hand up ur shirt and up the small of ur back, steveo then helps chris take off ur shirt and ur bra

steveo then starts massaging ur breasts while whispering sweet nothings into ur ear

u pull away from the two

“guys i really think we shouldnt do this on the gross ass hotel room floor, the room comes with a bed for a reason” you say

the two look at eachother then look at u and nod

chris throws u over his shoulder while steveo runs ahead and plops down on the bed

chris then puts u on the bed, leaving u in ur jean shorts from ur guys night on the town

chris then unzips ur shorts and looks up at ur for permission

u nod and he starts kissing down ur stomach, taking off ur jeans and panties as he does

chris starts to eat u out while u push ur back into steve-o

u go to tangle ur fingers into chris’ hair

steveo quickly takes ur wrists into one hand

“awee come one sweetheart ur giving him all the attention” he chuckles

u turn to him, not even able to make out a word bc of how good chris is doing

who knew that he could eat pussy like THAT

u lock lips with steveo and u both moan into the the kiss

chris pulls away from u

he gets up and crawls onto the bed with u and steveo

damn good thing u got a king bed with ur room

u turn to straddle steveo, grinding against him as u do causing u both to groan

u pull away helping steve-o get his pants off

u look over at chris and hes already intensely watching u too, dick in hand

bc thats just how he rolls

u take steve-os cock out of his boxers, lick up his shaft then get on top of him

u put his tip at ur entrance and slowly sink down onto him

u both moan at the feeling

as u start to ride him, u turn to chris once again and hes slowly stroking his dick, once u really get a look at it u realize how big he is

“hm what? u like what u see sweetheart?” chris mumbles in between moans

u nod, still riding steveo, feeling urself slowly creep towards release

steveo then pulls u off him

“i feel like this isnt fair, i shouldnt have to keep ur gorgeous body all to myself, thats just selfish.” he beckons chris over

“turn around” steve-o says

u do as he says, chris now on the bed in front of you

“whats wrong darling? u look like u want something, dont be shy” chris says caressing ur cheek to make u look him in his eyes

god u couldnt get enough of his big beautiful eyes

“yes..” u say lowly

“what was that? i cant hear u?”

“yes chris, please.” u say glancing down at his dick

while this is all happening steve-o is just groping ur ass

“ohh u wanna suck me off dont u?” he rubs his thumb across ur bottom lip “ofc u can, anything for u”

u lean down to his dick, putting it in ur hand and giving it small licks here and there

as ur ass is up in the air, right in front of steveos face, he pushes himself back into u, fucking u from behind

u start to take all of chris into ur mouth, moaning as u feel steveos hand reach for ur clit

the room was just filled with moans, groans, and the sound of skin slapping, steve-o and chris just making intense eye contact the whole time

“ah fuck y/n just like that” chris mumbles as u take his whole length down ur throat, gagging

steveos thrusts start to speed up quicker and u feel like ur going to cum and minute now

u pull off chris’ dick with a pop, jerking him off in place of ur mouth

“shit, im-“

u dont get to finish ur sentence before u feel urself cum all over steveos cock

steveos fucks u through ur high, pulls out and cums on ur back

then a few minutes later chris came onto ur face

after the three of u have calmed down from ur highs, chris gets up and grabs a towel from the bathroom to clean u guys up

well mainly u

after u three all get into bed and fall asleep, u cuddling into chris’ chest and steveo spooning u from behind

“man we should do that more often” steveo says

and u guys sure did

after that night u three all kinda agreed to be a thing, u recommend a poly relationship which they didnt know much about but were completely down for

they both are in love with u (and lowkey eachother) so it was a win for everyone involved

———————————————————

ok hope yall enjoyed! as u can tell i cant take smut srsly at all ive never rlly written smut before at this detail level so i just kinda went with it, hope its not too bad. im also way to lazy atm to read over this for mistakes so ima just got with it, please keep recommending stuff for me to write! its very fun!

[neuvistar]

MARYSE IM SONASORRY BUT MINOR SPOILERS IN THE BLUE LOCK MANGA !!

there was this one momeny where isagi was abt to be kicked by a particular guy and then he was kinda saved by chigiri, and bachira came n started cracking his knuckles n he was probs abt to beef w the dude cuzzz 😍😍 like he was like “if you wanna go, i’m down” LIKEEEE 😍😍😍 he’s soooo..

— 🍨

MINOR SPOILERS EVERYONE <33 oh my days. i’ve started the manga a few days ago n yk continued on from where i finished in the anime n now i’m very far into it LMFAO so so fast! i think i know what you mean, it was with shidou right?? I THINK I SAW THAT. I WAS FREAKING OUT HE WAS RLLY GETTIN READY LMFAOO <33 he’s so cute, he deserves a writing from me! here you go 🍨 anon, didnt even request for it but it’s fine i love my anons!

maryse from the future ^.^ — MY OTHER BELOVED ANONS I SQEAR ILL FINISH OTHER WORKS I SWEAR I APOLOGIZE

FOR YOU AND YOU ONLY.

— featuring . meguru bachira x fem!reader

— warnings / content warnings . sfw. cringe warning cringe warning waha!! bachira bein there for you how sweet of him, a lil bit of she/her pronouns, perhaps reader is hinted to be a lil shorter in height, hints of violence but i promise it’s not that bad ૮꒰⸝⸝´ᜊ ˋ⸝⸝꒱ა, um kinda ooc maybe?? IDK i gave up halfway and this may be a lil short n terrible but oh well it’s ALRIGHT i’m tired overall sfw content, not much warnings woohoo !! tell me if I should add / missed a few things ໒꒰՞ ܸ. .ܸ՞꒱ა

ੈ‧₊˚ “i’ll be willing to do anything to protect you”

✦ MEGURU . BACHIRA

frustrated. bachira was frustrated at the sound of chuckles and loud chattering from the men he was a few feet across from, gosh.. do they have to be this loud? it was just a few minutes after his game ended, he was exhausted and these two people weren’t helping at all, he grew more frustrated by the second. he glanced at the two for a good two minutes, cocking a brow. now hang on.. those were the guys that were speaking ill about you!

“the lady that gave him the bottled water? she’s his girlfriend?! quite the taste meguru bachira has.”

“nuh uh quit lying to yourself, she doesn’t look too pleasing. if anything, i’ve seen better looking women. see now, i don’t even know why bachira picked someone unattractive like her, i thought he’d have a better taste when it comes to women.”

“well it appears he doesn’t”

bachira’s heart dropped to his stomach, just what the hell were they on about? he bit the inside of his cheek, running his fingers through his hair before crossing his arms clearly upset at what the two guys had to say about you. he was getting even more and more frustrated by the second, who are they to tell him if his partner looks attractive or not, that isn’t their decision to make! fuck.. he couldn’t take it anymore. bachira stood up, making his way over to the two boys talking ill about you. “ahem.” the duo looked at each other then back at him, letting out a few laughs here and there. he’s basically told everyone around him about you, so much even people know about you both but these two guys don’t seem to get it. bachira knew how sensitive you were, he knew how quick you can take insults to heart, he wants to take matters in his own hands at times and protect you.

“to me, it seems as if you both seem to have the guts to talk ill about someone you don’t even know personally, thinking i wouldn’t hear what was running in your mouths.” he glared at the two, taking a step forward towards them.

“shit dude why are you so angry, can’t take a joke?”

“yeah, we were just joking. you’re getting all aggressive n defensive for nothing”

bachira’s body tensed, clenching his fists. did they really have to edge him on even longer? he was losing his patience, he wanted to tell these boys to scram already. unfortunately, the duo did not speak my further, attempting to walk out only to be stopped by bachira himself. “listen here, if i ever hear you both run your mouths about her once more, i’ll show you how aggressive and defensive i can get” “trying to sound all tough are ya? what are you going to do huh?” he smirked, cracking his knuckles. “guess we’ll have to find out.”

— buuuwwep !! ૮꒰ྀི >⸝⸝⸝< ꒱ྀིა

“meguru!” you ran up to your boyfriend, wrapping your arms around his neck as your nose picked up his scent, lips curving into a smile. “missed you so much, y’know that?” he grinned, hands resting on your hips, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead. you’re too sweet.. even though his mood changed when he saw you, he still can’t help but repeat whatever those guys said about you in his head, he exhaled lowly and grabbed your hand, kissing it before holding it tightly against his own. tilting your head and looking up in curiosity, you couldn’t help but sense something unusual about your boyfriend, “something the matter, meguru?” bachira tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, leaning over to kiss your cheek.

“ah. . nono it’s nothing, how about we go cool down with some ice cream? it’s kinda hot, isn’t it?” “of course, let’s go” deep inside of his heart, he couldn’t help but feel upset for you. who do those people think they are? they think they can just walk in and talk ill about someone as sweet as you are? most people have no human decency, he thought. he cant let you know about anything, he was willing to block all kinds of negative things from you, protect you from anything that tries to harm you in any way.

“if i’m being honest i never expected her to even get together with bachira, she doesn’t really suit him.” a voice can be heard from the opposite direction from where you and him were walking, he sighed to himself. if only he could protect you from everything, but sometimes he can’t always be your knight in shining armour, and that’s frustrating to him. if only he was always there by your side, he wanted to be by your side, he wanted to always be there for you but he is aware he can’t always be there beside you, someday he knows that you’ll overhear something from others.. someday and somehow. but regardless of anything, bachira is willing to prevent you from hearing ill things about you, he is willing to do anything to protect you, for you and you only.

This is so rushed omg i’m so sorry it’s late at night i’m losing my mind ૮ ྀི◞͈ ˔ ◟͈ ྀིა — Maryse

[justagalwhowrites]

hii bestieee im back annoying you with why taylor writes for them lmaoo soo i was listening to come in with the rain and i realize that it’s soo their song😭😭 especially the part that says “i’ll leave my window open cause im too tired at night to call your name, just know i’m right here hoping that you’ll come in with the rain” bc doc is def tired of him and his bullshit but she would still let him in again and again if he wanted to, if he were to do the bare minimum she’d still welcomed him with open arms and honestly she shouldn’t let him in bc he has treated her like shit and she deserves more but bc she still loves him she’ll just take the little things he gives her, good or bad😢(which is why they’re also very tolerate it and i’ve said that before!!) so joel better grovel on his knees !!!!

another part that i think it fits is “i got you down, i know you by heart but you don’t even know where i start” i think it works for both of them to each other bc pre outbreak they knew every single thing about the other but when the outbreak happened and the years went by they changed so when they reunited again they thought they could work again and pick up where they left on but they couldn’t! they were different people and they didn’t know each other anymore which is also why i think their break up was necessary, you know, they need to learn everything about each other again, they need to open up again and build their relationship again, they need to really trust in each other again so they can work out

anyway this was longer than it needed to be lol sorry bestie and AMAZING chapter i just 😧 so good !!!!!! and the story just keeps getting better and better

ps i just realized that i only use sad taylor songs for them damn 😭 they need a little happiness in their life again

OMG HI BESTIE! I love your Swift Analysis so much!

So true on Come In With The Rain, like all he'd really need to do would be say "I wanna try again" and maybe "I'm sorry for murdering innocent people for half a decade I guess" like the bar is ON THE FLOOR and she keeps leaving the window open for him. But he does do things like torture her rapist to death so I guess he gets SOME points.

I love these song insights, 15/10 do apply. So glad you're enjoying the story!!!!

[playboynanners]

i wanna start off by telling u i am sorry!! i wanna tell u about all this crazy shit in my head, and want to open up and want to talk about my feelings but no matter what, i just cant make out the right words...? like it feels like cant properly put my thoughts and emotions into words i guess??

all i want to do right now is cry and scream and let it all out because its killing me inside. i cant take it anymore. i feel weird. i dont want to do anything. i always feel tired. i dont have any energy. a part of me broken. something is def weighing on my heart. i just feel so fucking suffocated. i feel like i am so far behind in life that i will never catch up. everyone is doing so many things with their lives. and i am just here. i really dont think i can do this its getting dark again. and im afraid. im too tired to carry on. i want MYSELF back bro is that too much to ask for? i deffff know its getting bad because even sleep and music dont help and i feel sick all the time and i just want to disappear. i really feel like there is no happy ending for me . thats why getting through the days is hard rayen i honestly from the bottom of my heart know its all for nothing. u guys are waiting for me to get over it, to finally do something with my life, and i know u guys are getting impatient. but what u guys dont know is that im already gone. i dont like who i am. there is nothing good about me. i am sick of wasting my time. i am worn out. i so fucking tired. the anxiety consumes me at times i feel like i cant breathe i cant think straight intrusive thoughts of self distraction consume my mind i am sooo fucking sick of this version of myself!!!!! im fucking tired of the poor choices i keep making. i truly believe i have hit rock bottom. this is the humblest i have ever been because my ego has nothing to be proud of. i know i knowww it is important to be gentle with myself but its also crucial to be honest. im not taking care of myself. im doing drugs, im on social media all day. i either dont eat healthy, or i dont eat at all. i dont exercise. i watch things that arent positive and go to sleep and wake up late. i am sick to my stomach as i write this. i just want to go up from here because i cant live this way anymore. i dont wanna live this way anymore. but like if you never felt like the way i do right now... the drained , depression . WORTHLESS feeling ... then u cant say shit about me "getting better starts with yourself bs" LIKE UH ? YEAH I HATE MYSELF AND DONT GIVE A FUCKKKKK ABOUT NUN SO WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??? like i honestly didnt even think i would be alive at my age i thought i wouldve been dead by 20 so u can only imagine how lost i feel lol. i dont know what to do with my life and i feel like im just wasting away most days. and i dont fucking know how to fix it. maybe this is my time for me and im supposed to be enjoying it for exactly what it is? like i dunno i just know i always fucking ruin EVERYTHINGGGG . i casually sabotage all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesnt feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring. i really want to kill whats inside of my head. i hate living like this day after day. i just want my pain to end bro . i see how everyone looks at me like i’m a burden, how they fake concern only to switch up at me the next second. i don’t want to be this way, im so lost and alone and i just don’t see the point anymore. this is the loneliest i have ever felt. i don't have a shoulder to cry on when im sad, i have got legit no one to go to. i have noooo tears left to cry dude. my heart hurts so much. my insides are burning. i dont know how to help myself. i legitimately try and i make it worse. i wanna scream all this hurt and pain out. can i just lose my memory just so i can take a break from feeling this way? im not sure how long i can handle this alone anymore all honesty .

AND i wouldnt say im "addicted" to drugs and alcohol (JUST YET lol) butttt what i hate about liking them is that once you know how that high feels and the break from reality you get from everything you will FOREVER know how good it felt and thats the problem. u can be days, months, years of being clean. but i know when you quit its gonna be hard years down the road. i would take it alllll back and not start doing any of it. it turns from "just one time trying it" to "i promise this is the last time" but all honestly i dont know how to stop or be normal in this world sober anymore.

and to sum it alllll up i just want / need someone who can hug me and tell me that im not as worthless as i think i am i feel so fucking empty sometimes and its so exhausting to feel nothing and everything at the same time.

[skinnyravs]

Being mis-understood.

Do you ever get the feeling that people just Mis Understand you?

Like, you make a joke and they give you that vibe like: man you are an idiot. Or the times when you say something, and the reaction you get is someone if offended.

Well; I can tel you this happens to me. A lot. Why? I have no clue. I wonder if it has something to do with the different era I grew up in, or just the type of people i used to interact with that are either similar to me or different. But their different still made it easier to mingle.

I know, that I am not the most social person, ever. Like it is a struggle. I am just naturally very shy, very timied and very sometimes I guess you can cal it...off?

I have always seen myself as the silent, observant type that takes it all in and makes up her own mind. Yes sure I may judge but that's because I can only go off what I see. me and talking and being social is not a thing. So its quite a crappy thing that other poeple can do that easily and I'm stuck in the whole eh i dont wanna be social at all. Perhaps this is a bad thing but maybe it isn't.

Not everyone is going to be the social type. Some of us, like me just wanna do stuff and not talk to much and enjoy. Maybe that is why i seem like such a recluse or perhaps come off as being a little arrogant. Trust me, it is not on purpose. I reckon it is simply a personality trait.

Another thing I make very clear ot people is that, I am not going withstand bullshit. From anyone. There was a time, growing up I just ignored shit be it in school and even sometimes work. I would just be like eh whatever. But over the years I could see that a lot of people took advantage of that and I jsut had enough. Eventually, when you work in a medical feidl you come across some ass holes,a nd there are two things happen. - Either stand up for yourself or - let them continue to talk down to you.

Eventually i wasn't having that ad I started to bite back. Sometimes maybe more then I could chew, but I certainly think that was a big thing for me. I didn't want to take a back seat. Sometimes, I think I had always been wanting to just tell people where to go.

My family's history (and it is not a nice one by the way) is what also led me to just be a total bitch sometimes. And if you knew the whole story you might get an idea why sometimes I am.

It is fair to say I am a big believer in standing up and saying what I think. I can be wrong or right it doesn't matter if you are wrong. Sure, the flip side of it, is if you don't like something don't say it. I do also believe that too. But there will be certain situations where; you know what, say it don't hold back. LOL, funny how that is the title of the whole blog as a whole. DON't HOLD BACK. And I mean that.

Just because I ask someone not to do something should not be immediately taken as: Oh she is trying to control me.If I am telling you I do not like what you are doing its because I don't like it and think its inappropriate. How that can be seen as control .makes no sense. There is quite a big difference between: Please don't do this I don't appreciate it. isn't that being polite and not control?

I'm finding this hard to explain; but recent events came up and I have asked for stuff to be stopped. I jsut don't like it and yet it is still being down. For me it is like a total lack of respect for a request. Apparently Im not allowed to do that, because people are saying I'm being rude, controlling and giving htem order. haha...um...what?

If someone came up to me and said: Don't write this and post is. I will ask why amd if they gave me a good reason Id be like: ook i understand your view here but please understand that this needs to be said. And they can either go: oh all right that's ok you explained it that's if ein. Or they could be a total ass hole and say: your an idiot just shut up and move on.

I'm so tired, of everything I say, or do is always being taken the wrong way. Makes me sad that I can never truely be myself anymore and this it just leads to a lot of frustration, anger and disappointment. I, just wanna be able to be myself again. Like I used to be. I lost that along th way because nobody seems to try and understand my point of view anymore. Yet i seem to be the only one trying to work shit out.

It sucks.

[coridallasmultipass]

Vent personal medical long post

So the shit week continues. No new painkillers, i took the last expired hydrocodone, so if im still in pain tomorrow im gonna have to cut a morphine in half and see if i can tolerate it (i took a whole 15mg one on sunday when my back pain first went out, and while it helped it was way too much painkiller and i got so nauseous. The hydrocodone is 1/3 of the morphine dose, and i dont know how to cut this tiny fucking morphine pill into 3. I dunno if its even big enough to be cut in half!!)

The specialist did get me a back xray which was normal (as expected), and physical therapy, which is good, except i can only attend if i get an appointment within 2 weeks, because after that i wont have a ride, and the distance to walk there is 2.5 miles steep downhill (fine. Ive done that walk before. It would suck because of the pain.) But coming back home after the appointment would be 2.5 miles steep uphill when im probably extremely sore and can barely walk after physical therapy (has always been the case whenever ive gone to pt) and i dont think i can fucking do 5 miles. I can hardly walk the stairs in my house. (Warned u bout the stairs dogg) The occasional 3 mile round trip that i do to go to the post office when i dont have access to a car is bad enough that it puts me out of commission, especially bc its all uneven terrain no sidewalks.

I tried calling anyway and its voicemail so theyre probably at lunch right now. But it still sucks. Im so fucking tired of this.

I hate having to rely on other people - doctors or family. I hate having to make and attend so many appointments. And im not even fucking doing everything i need to. I saw this pt place has pain management (i didnt think there was any in this area so i gave up on that) so i can try asking for that too, but again, thats more appointments i need to coordinate, and last time i did pain management they basically said "see a psychiatrist for antidepressants or try medical marijuana bc we cant do anything else for you" lmao (i did the mm despite never having tried it before. It helps but its not enough lol). My current psychiatrist has exhausted every medical option for my depression. So its either they give me painkillers or something else idk what, or i just stay home and continue to suffer.

And thats a whole nother thing the rheumatologist today was like "oh why did you stop antidepressants if youre in so much pain??" My duDE I WAS SO MISERABLE AND COULDNT DO ANYTHING AT ALL. FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS. Once i stopped antidepressants, i was able to start exercising regularly, i started drawing and writing with more enjoyment (had not drawn with regularity since 2019!!), i am more present in life, like... doing antidepressants was the worst fucking 5 years of my life. None of them helped my depression, they only made me worse. I tried every branch of them and not a single one helped. Im still fucking depressed and anxious as shit taking methylphenidate but hard evidence points to it being a great help compared with anything else ive ever taken. God that fucking "treatment resistant depression" diagnosis was the worst fucking thing. Theres like nothing else to try except super niche experimental treatments that insurance wont cover and they dont accept secondary insurance (which is the one that i could probably get to cover a new treatment but it takes a lot of coordination on both parties, like what im doing for my tmj problems and getting aligners). Ughhh. I dont wanna fucking do experimental shit either. Unless someone wants to donate me an ayahuasca vacation or something lmao. (Joke, i dont have a passport and i dont wanna pause all my other meds)

It sucks that none of my medical problems are treatable. I got permanent depression/anxiety/ocd/whatever other things that are undiagnosed despite my requests for testing. Permanent endometriosis (no cure and my body isnt accepting the medical or sugical treatments). Lifelong teeth problems (unknown if this new treatment will help my teeth or jaw yet but like.. arthritis is also lifelong and damage is damage). Arthritis thats lifelong but Mostly managed, at least during warm seasons. Permanent untreatable fibromyalgia (the antidepressants are the only medical treatment for it and never helped with pain, maybe even made it worse, and no one wants to give me painkillers anymore since like 2015. Sucks that old people can get painkillers like candy but because im young and hide my pain really well i get treated like an addict. My mom was like 'your gramma gets painkillers all the time!!' Yeah but im not in my 70s. Theres age bias here.) I got chronic untreated gerd (well, i take otc meds, and my attempts to treat it got canceled bc thats when covid was rampant, and the doc stopped prescribing me stronger meds bc i hadnt seen him in a while, bUT I LITERALLY COULDNT GET IN BC OF COVID. I just dont eat any of my favourite acidic foods anymore. I miss tomatoes. Sometimes i gotta eat them and just triple up on 3 different antacids and deal with the sore throat the next day). Well, was gonna say i got chronic insomnia but thats probably the only thing thats fully treated by 2 meds and sometimes weed. (But like. Im a nightowl. Its just that i have to fit in with society to get up in the morning for appointments. I have that like delayed body clock issue lol. So in a way it kind of is still a chronic issue, but at least im getting a full night of sleep when the body pain isnt extreme.)

But yeah. It sucks to be me. Dunno where im going w this post. Its just so frustrating when youre telling the doctor you're in constant pain and hes like 'i know. See you in a couple months.' Rheumatologists are supposed to treat fibro. But i always get hot potatoed to the next doctor. Like i get it, i am untreatable, but someone please do something! Ugh. Like theres really no options besides painkillers or weed, and i can only use weed in the evenings bc my family doesnt approve (literally said the most vile shit when i mentioned the pain clinic recommended it), plus cant use it if im gonna drive somewhere - in theory, i dont have a license lol but the point is i shouldnt have to take an intoxicant during the day!! Painkillers at the lowest dose do not intoxicate me, and in fact, make me more lucid bc it lifts the fucking fog of pain!! Wish doctors would understand how much they helped me in the past. When i was on the combo of painkillers and the arthritis med im on now, i was literally going for jogs every fucking day. I have proof of it. I probably couldnt do that now bc im a lot heavier and a lot sicker, but the point is i can be more active if im not in pain, and being active helps both the arthritis and fibro! Ughhhh.

Online is like "painkillers have not been shown to help fibro" bull fucking shit. Maybe im an odd one out. But ive been diagnosed since i was 12 and fit the fucking symptoms. They fucking help and ive been off them for so many fucking years now while all my health has deteriorated. Do you know how miserable it is to find out you have fibromyalgia affecting the nerves around your teeth? On top of my tmj problems!! I can barely eat anything since starting the aligners because my mouth is in too much pain!!

The only thing painkillers havent helped was the fucking endometriosis, which ironically, is the only reason i even have painkillers on hand for my back injury.

And god fuck i do not want to think abt the endo. Theres no quality of life when im panicking every day about when the next flare up is gonna happen. Theres no hope there bc theres no treatment that works for me. I already had a hysto but it was probably too late since the endo spread. Idk if im gonna survive the next flare. Especially because i have to stop taking the med that was possibly helping since ive been on it too long. The doctors ive been seeing have just been like "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" which is just causing more anxiety because the bridge is like. This next month. Whenever theres a flare up, i have to stop ALL my arthritis meds just so i can take advil since thats the only thing that provides me some relief (and thats terrifying bc advil has given me an ulcer before! Because of taking it during a period and i was in too much pain to sit up for 10 minutes after taking it. Fuck endo.) Idk what to do.

Anyway. Thats the sitch. Ill try calling for pt again since this took a while to type. If theyre still closed, well, i guess ill just go fuck myself.

[blissfullybloomed]

Yeah, it's been a while, but today felt like the right day to write again. I missed it. 

So let's get all the updates out of the way since my last post(Dec 2023). Oh man…it's a lot. 

I spent New Years with my boyfriend(yeah we're still a thing), and his best friend. Had to go home early though…cause like…im old, and we work in the mornings. 

February I picked up a few extra gig jobs to pay off school. I delivered for Instacart, Spark, Shipt, and Amazon Flex. While working two other jobs. I had to pay it off and I was tired of waiting for money to just appear….cause that's totally not a thing. 

March was my man's birthday! The first one I got to spend with him. Gifts that I got him don't matter…like i'm not gonna sit here and list them off…just his face was all i needed. That look of just you didn't have to do that..but he was glad I did. 

I started therapy to heal from a relationship with a family member that I actually never really understood until very recently. I'm learning that , in the words of Taylor Swift, “Hi, it's me , I'm the problem”- I know that now. I know a lot now actually. 

Started reading a book that has helped immensely with my healing as well. I won't mention the title in this blog as it's specific to one person in my life…but I will say this: No one is perfect, no matter the title they hold in your life. Additionally titles don't mean shit. We're all human and that's the only title I care about…unless you're an alien…then like, can we be friends. 

The Medical Board of Ohio gave me my massage license, and I have signed a lease for my own business and actually have two clients ( sister and friend.) Yeah…Blissfully Bloomed is actually a real , tangible thing now. 

I moved in with my boyfriend. Yup, the WHOLE sentence! It's been about 3 weeks , and let's just say we are slowly adjusting to the new. The animals are a little testy, but we love them all.Spray bottles are in every room now. LOL!  He has been incredible throughout the entire process. I even know how to plug my tire now. He is patient, and kind. Even on days…i don't want to be human…he is still right there. I will tell you this- I never knew love could feel this deep…this solid…this safe. He truly is the person I was supposed to find. Someone in my life once told me a long time ago,  “he has brought back what the locust stole”- When it was told to me the first time it didn't make sense, and in hindsight…I know why it didn't make sense. Now…I understand the phrase…I understand what a healthy and honest relationship looks like. I understand that MEN operate completely differently when they too feel safe and understood.  I love you like crazy baby. 

I started a solid vitamin regimen…and boy oh boy has it helped immensely. My anxiety only peaks during stress, and unknown areas of my life now. It's not at the forefront anymore. Vitamins, therapy, massage, counseling, coloring, legoing, and being surrounded by motivated individuals who only want to better themselves have been the key to my success. Sure I have days just like everyone else where I just don't wanna. But as my boyfriend says”it's allowed, just have to find a balance”- So i'm working on it…BUT vitamins are so good! 

So I think that covers it for the updates…Lets chat about whats to come! 

Moving through all of the above has required high energy and focus to obtain a goal. The focus was definitely fueled by my sister jessica. My sister was the entire inspiration to become a Massage Therapist. What's crazy…I had a client last week…she was a nurse at Nationwide in the pediatric unit….I think she would have worked with Jess at some point, and she was on MY table. Small world sometimes ya know. 

Massage gave me my heart back and I've said that since school…you can't be heartless and be a massage therapist. It's impossible. We comfort through the power of touch. We calm anxiety, recirculate blood to all the necessary parts of your body, we hold space for others to relax. Coming from someone that was very very selfish in her past life…to be able to have people on my table is a gift I will always attribute to my sister Jess. Man do I miss her. What I wouldn't give to wheel her into my massage studio and give her some relaxation for a brief moment. She showed me native american flute music too. I love ya sis. We all do. You can come visit me anytime anywhere. I love you. 

Okay well, on that note…I'm crying. So I think it's a good time to get ready for the day. I have three clients. One of which lost their mother last week. Like I said, massage is so powerful. It truly brings joy and I am able to give joy to others now. What an absolute gift. 

Thanks for listening to my ted talk- see ya on the flippity flip! 

[maurenislife]

Theres only so much self hate i can acquire

Or guilt like im still processing alot of other shit that will have to get added 2 the queue

Also idc that he found this page or even if he go share it or laugh or screenshot or whatever he may do cause honestly thats my fault for ever thinking like i was so comfortable im like omg somebody trying to get me nahh its a tactic and love make u see beyond game but a man game is on regardless its all a game

Everybody says weird shit that u truly feel like u just like the idea of me

Projection

You just want me for my energy and space

Projection

Everything projectile cause in stats in statistics That could b labeled as false

If my sugar daddy said u are using me etc. he would be 100% correct cause if we check stats along with situation it adds up completely

When a man my age starts playing that game

Subconsciously but a game

I just have to sit and ponder

Cause only thing they used was time and maybe they had to feel pathetic for loving but love is quite pathetic cause it DOESNT exist among relationships with somebody who you are not kin too,

Cheat steal use and the good times make up for all the bullshit thats a relationship

Most relationships pple lie and cry alot

Alot of fights too alot of disagreements all cause some person or both are lonely

Rather have a bunch of bullshit cause maybe this gets better or good eventually

The only love that truly exists between mothers and grandmothers thats so unconditional they dnt wanna argue n fight just cause maybe at the end of the road there will b a worthy exchange for pain

They love n argue cause they want the best for you there is no reward in the love they show they show it cause dammit they love you and ive always shown that kind of love

Well i thought i have

Probably didnt but i tried

Cause if its not the correct puzzle piece or information that connects to the right button or switch bitch u otw out

And soon this will be laughing material for most, i think what alotta people dont realize is my life has been laughing matieral at all stages not just this one so

It could b worse i mean who wants to look thru a bunch of manic and emotionally charged posts 4 fun?

Even the ones I write with a clear brain

It could be source of entertainment

But i write this post all to say if he still watching im still using this page whether its the guise of a sudden audience member or if im still shouting into a void

Pple know i dont care

They say they dont care but I truly dont care, i came up alone ive been in violent situations alone nobody came 2 help so if a nigga wanna take entertainment out a chunk of my life im glad i could be a source of happiness and healing in reading thru everything that gets 2 me

Ive had niggas say they gone come kill me

Gun to my face

Stomps on my head

Ive been raped multiple times from a young age

My mom dgaf bout me i mean what more could u possibly do to me for me to feel slighted im chronically slighted

Paper cut is how most shit feel to me now

There’s nothing fun in being afraid of nothing, always said u tryna to b hard

Idk what way 2 be soft with a endearment cycle like mine. Everything comes out harsh cause how do u say things with a softness ?

How do u live softly? If u not using softness as a cover as a straight up lie cause u know deep down its not pink jeeps and white fur carpets face masks and femininity is a JOKE!

I got extremely tired of covering up who i was cause it got to be a second job

If not being me was the first one

If i gotta b scapegoat for being authentic this merely a example

Dont be honest, every girl has told me that and have been 1000% correct

Nobody ready to truly break 4th wall and be candid be deeper than words beyond thought and to disect where the orgins lye

I had a hole in my underwear lmao right

I didnt care cause like im in bed who gaf

But he did n i tried to explain why i didnt care,

Nuance

LAYER 1

have these underwear since middle school cause my mom bought them 4 me at a time where she still gaf i still got em I still wear em

LAYER 2

Im behind closed doors nobody sees me but me or you idc

LAYER 3

Holes are holes and underwear is under clothes so its not seen im not seen

On top of that im embarrassed like wtf

Cause then i think bout them posts that get seared into brains of many like hygiene politics

And i have good hygiene so i didnt gaf

Idk just know imma still post on here

From my pov my raw pov no matter if my page get found or not we out chere 😇🤷🏾‍♂️🕳️