tiny-italian-danger-noodle

[tiny-italian-danger-noodle]

in this latest installment of me being too invested in the idea of professor danny...i love the idea of danny not being able to find a detective position when planning his move to hawaii, so he shifts gears and remembers 'oh shit i have a degree unrelated to police work let me see if i can find a job with that for now.'

so he moves to hawaii and he has to adjust to teaching instead of solving crimes, but he ends up actually kind of enjoying it, he gets along with most of his coworkers and his students seem to really like him(apparently they had a shitty experience with the guy that came before him). he works regular hours which helps him look more reliable than he did as a detective when going to court over custody, and yeah maybe its a little less exciting than chasing criminals but that's fine.

and he meets john mcgarrett(how they meet im not sure yet) while out with grace one day and grace of course manages to wrap him around her little finger immediately and john makes a few suggestions on things danny and grace can do for fun after danny tells him they're fairly new to the island. so then john and danny become something close to friends(john misses his kids...danny misses his parents it just works)...and then john gets killed and danny starts hounding the police to see if they're making any progress on his case(he annoys tf out of them) and then steve comes and before danny can offer any type of condolences steve is basically interrogating him on why he's so invested in his fathers case. this of course somehow ends with danny still getting dragged along with steve to investigate, (he doesnt have to follow him…this is definitely not his job but for some reason he cant help but get drawn in by the crazy) and steve ofc knows danny was a detective(he did his research) and still convinces(forces) him to join the task force(the task force steve agreed to head solely to force danny help him solve his fathers murder) and sure danny misses being a detective but he's also developed a flow as a teacher so he agrees to be a part of the task force but only part-time(he does a lot more research than canon danny). this of course leads to steve just walking into dannys classes and waiting for him in there when they have a case. all of dannys students think they're married and after learning they aren't are still convinced that they SHOULD BE

once his students learn steves name they jokingly call danny ‘professor mcgarrett’

[tiny-italian-danger-noodle]

“not all men” you’re right. superman would never do this.

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"why did you stop writing your story!!! never stop writing!!!!!!!!!!!" well you see the character had to drive one mile to a new location and the sentence "she got into the car" was quite simply my undoing

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i rise from the dead to give you kid jack and bunny before returned to the depths of uni hell, istg guys ill be back in like 2 wks

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Ok Dick biting Hal as a kid has got to be one of my favorite headcanons of all time. Like atp it IS canon to me. But now I’m imagining Dick biting all the members of the JL at least once because they’ve done something that’s either pissed him off, or pissed Bruce off. Hal is obviously bitten first and everyone thinks he’s exaggerating or being a big baby about how much it hurts. Then Clark gets bitten because Bruce got hurt on a JL mission where Clark was supposed to be watching his back. And to be fair, Dick growled at him before he bit, which was far more warning than Hal had received. When Dick sinks his teeth - some of which are still baby teeth - into Clark’s meaty, Kryptonian arm, it shouldn’t hurt. But somehow Clark is tearing up as he lets out a pained howl. It takes both Aquaman and the Flash to remove Dick. Clark doesn’t use that arm for two days, wincing every time he jostles it. How and why Dick bites the others is up for interpretation. Eventually, once all of them have been bitten, they call a meeting about it. Not to get him to stop or anything, just to figure out why it hurts so fucking much. They’re all throwing out various theories when someone says “No seriously, what hell does that kid put into his bites?” when Dick emerges from the shadows and says, deadpan, “Vengeance.” before cackling evilly and disappearing. They all shudder before deciding to never piss him off or talk about his biting ever again.

Also now I’m kind of imagining Dick and Slade fighting for the first time when Dick is just a little gremlin and Slade is like “pffft as if this fourth grader could beat me” only to panic when said fourth grader sinks his teeth into him so hard that he still has the scar years later.

I'm imagining Bruce seeing how Dick's go-to attack is to bite people, and he immediately makes a specialized mouth guard for him. It perfectly molds to his teeth, but it's extra sharp and leaves a different imprint than Dick's actual bite. Mostly so no one can compare dental records or anything to the scars that Dick will no doubt leave on many, many people. It has to be updated regularly when Dick is still young because of him losing his baby teeth.

The first time Dick bites Superman is because he brought Batman back to the Batcave in terrible shape. They'd been on a mission together, it was supposed to be quick, easy, no big deal. And now Dr. Leslie and Alfred are working on him in the Batcave medbay, and Dick just turns to Superman with tears and rage in his eyes. And he launches himself at him and attacks.

Clark yelps as soon as he realizes ouch, he can feel that! What the hell!

"Dick! Dick, let go!"

"You promised you'd bring him back home safe!" Dick cries, but his words are muffled, his teeth still sinking into Clark's arm. "He got hurt!"

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Clark says quickly. "But he's going to be fine, Dickie, it's mostly just a broken arm and a concussion!"

Dick is growling and hanging off Clark's arm, until Alfred comes out and announces that Bruce is ready to for visitors. Dick unlatches quickly, then scampers over to Alfred, still sniffling. As soon as he catches sight of Bruce, he starts whining and crying and cuddles next to him on the bed.

Clark never makes fun of Hal for the ankle guards again. Dick really does have crazy sharp teeth. Clark's arm is bruised for days around the puncture marks, and he's left with a scar on his arm in the shape of Dick's mouth.

A few months later, Dick has started hanging out with Garth a lot. They become pals. Very good friends. Best friends, almost.

And Garth hangs out with him one day and looks so glum and down in the dumps and says how Aquaman was mean to him during training, but it's okay, it was Garth's own fault. That doesn't sit well with Dick. No one makes his friends upset and gets away with it.

The next time Dick accompanies Bruce to the Watchtower, Dick locks in on Aquaman and chomps right on his arm. Like eating a fish stick. Aquaman yelps and tries to pry him off, asking him what happened and what's wrong and why the hell is Robin biting him?

"Don't be mean to my friends!" is all Dick says before he stomps off to go back to Batman's side. Before he reaches Batman fully, he turns and locks eyes with Aquaman, making that creepy I've got my eye on you gesture. It sends a shiver down Aquaman's spine.

He bites pretty much every other JL member for various reasons between the ages of 8-11. When they eventually call a meeting for it, Batman just stares at all of them with an unimpressed look.

"Perhaps you should try not upsetting him," Batman tells them, then turns on his heel and leaves. Dick, who'd been hiding under Batman's cape, grins at all of them and sends a taunting little wave before the cape covers him up again.

Dick first encounters Deathstroke at the ripe age of nine. During said encounter, Dick is terrified. Deathstroke is talking about wanting to make Dick his apprentice, how he's going to steal him from right under the Bat's nose, and Dick panics.

And he resorts to biting the exposed skin he sees when Deathstroke tries to nab him by his cape.

He damn near bites Deathstroke's hand clean off at the wrist. It startles Slade so bad that he shouts, throws Dick off to the side, and is distracted just long enough for Dick to run away and get back to the Batmobile.

Dick is panting and a little freaked out as he relays the story to Bruce from the safety of the Batmobile as Bruce drives them home. Bruce reaches over and pats Dick's head, his own heart beating so hard in his chest.

"Good job, chum," Bruce says softly. "Use every weapon you have. Always."

Dick nods his head, wrapping his cape tight around him.

[tiny-italian-danger-noodle]

AU where some new villain made a truth serum formula and captures Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, and Robin. This villain somehow knows they’ve all been Robin at one point and decides to use the truth serum to try and drive a wedge between them all so that they stop working together. He starts with Robin, asking him who he thinks was the best Robin (Nightwing), who he thinks is the worst (Red Robin) and why he thinks that (Red Robin is annoying and arrogant). He does the same with Red Robin and Red Hood and gets varying answers that, while somewhat mean, are not enough to break the dynamic between them. Then he gets to Nightwing, who claims (truthfully) that he doesn’t have a favorite or least favorite Robin. The villain is displeased with this so they start to come up different questions to try and start an argument between the boys.

Eventually the villain asks “Which Robin is closest to the original? Closest to your Robin? Which one reminds you the most of yourself?”. Dick tries to fight the serum for a while, before finally biting out “The fourth one.” They all turn to look at Damian, and the villain scrunches up his brows, asking “Him? Really?” It was somewhat of a rhetorical question but Dick is forced to answer anyways. “No, not him. He’s the fifth Robin.” It takes a second before it clicks into place. “The girl Robin? Seriously?? I heard she didn’t even last a week!” Before anything else can be said, Batman busts into the villain’s lair and manages to take him down.

When they get back to the cave, the boys try to question Dick about it, slightly offended by the fact that he considered Stephanie’s Robin to be the most accurate to his. Dick, however, manages to evade them until the serum wears off. Dick himself isn’t quite sure how he can explain it to them. He’s not sure how to tell them that while he’s proud of all the work they’ve done as Robin, he never shared their reasoning for becoming Robin. He’s not sure how to point out the fact that the main reason they got into the vigilante game was for Bruce, not for themselves. He’s not sure how to explain that Robin might’ve been given to them for them to find light and happiness in, but that initially Robin was born from his darkness.

He’s not sure how to tell them that when Bruce told him about Steph, about Spoiler, about how she designed her own suit and went out to stop the man she has a vendetta against, he was so violently reminded of himself that he hung up immediately and didn’t speak to anyone for two days. He’s not sure how to tell them that when Bruce came calling a little while later, telling him about Steph being in-over her head, about him firing her, about her going off on her own only to end up tortured and dead, it was like staring in a mirror of his own relationship with Bruce, and that he’d punched Bruce so hard he’d nearly broken a finger. He’s not sure how to tell them about the quiet nights he stayed up talking with Steph, when Bruce was lost in time and it was just her, Damian, and Alfred around. He’s not sure how to tell them about how when Steph had told him about her relationship with Dean, he’d been reminded of his relationship with Liu so much he’d nearly thrown up. He’s not sure how to tell them that when Dick had opened up about his guilt about what happened in Blüd, Steph hadn’t given him any false placations, and talked about the guilt she felt over her role in the gang wars instead.

He’s not sure how to tell them that while all of them have felt like failures to Bruce, none of them had felt the harsh sting of Bruce ripping Robin away from them, the pain of Bruce telling them how incompetent and unworthy they were as Bruce fires them. He’s not sure how to tell them that while he may their older brother, he was only ever Bruce’s ward. Bruce never adopted him, and despite how far they’ve all come to work as a family, Dick still feels like an outsider sometimes. He knows Steph gets it. She feels like an outsider too.

[tiny-italian-danger-noodle]

I actually do feel like the "unemployed friend on a Tuesday" meme actually helps de-stigmatize unemployment because it frequently affirms that when you don't have a job you're more likely to be getting up to some weird shit rather than just lazing around. But I also feel like the unemployed friend is frequently up to some random shit because there's a whole pile of miscellaneous life tasks that full-time employment keeps people from. The unemployed friend is helping their cousin move, or babysitting, or checking in with a neighbor with mobility issues. The unemployed friend is a walking thesis on the inflexibility of our current labor landscape and just how much work exists outside of work.

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Suddenly you’re 21 and you’re screaming along in your car to all the songs you used to listen to when you were sad in middle school and everything is different but everything is good

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me, eating a pile of nuts, cheese, and apple: mmmm tasty

the medieval peasant in my head watching me eat: thou knowst what would MAKETH this meal? dried fruits.

me, getting out the raisins: god damn, etheldred, you are SO right

the medieval peasant in my head: yet thou art still not heeding mine words regarding the blasphemy

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*taps microphone* is this thing on? Okay…

🎤 THIS IS A REMINDER THAT ALL OF THE ROBINS ARE SMART, GENIUSES IN FACT. THEY ARE IN A FAMILY OF DETECTIVES. THATS LIKE THEIR WHOLE THING. ALL OF THE ROBINS (AND THE REST OF THE BATFAM TOO) ARE CLEVER, STRATEGIC, AND CAPABLE, NOT JUST TIM. (No hate to my boy Tim, though. I love Tim.) YES, EVEN THAT ONE. Thank you. 🎤

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y’all ever have those lines in songs where, when they finally sing it, ur heart just goes !!!!! and you become very happy because that one line in particular is just so wonderfully and artfully crafted?? like sometimes it’s the tune, sometimes it’s the lyrics, sometimes it’s a key change, sometimes it’s a long note, sometimes it’s something hard to explain!! i live for these lines tbh, sometimes i’ll listen to particular songs just to hear a specific line lmao

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I just think that a live action Batman movie should just be 2 and a half hours of Bruce trying and failing to get everyone to come to a debriefing session. It'd be full with subplots, like a story inside of a story thing where it's cutting between Bruce and whichever kid and crazy thing /

The haters will hate it because Bruce is the only one who doesnt suit up or get a fight scene

[Gotham Harbor]

Steph: *taking down Kite Man on a sinking stolen fishing boat*

Steph: Good thing I followed you down here. I knew something was fishy.

[Batcave]

Bruce: None of them are here yet? The meeting starts in fifteen minutes.

[Crime Alley]

Jason: *shoots a henchman*

Jason: I've burned through your last reserves. It's just you and me, Sionis.

[Batcave]

Bruce: *paces back and forth while checking the clock*

[downtown]

Dick: *in a motorcycle chase with the Riddler*

Dick, into his comms: Oracle, update on the bomb threats?

Barbara, from the Clocktower: I've located both bombs inside the bank vault. I'm dispatching Huntress and Batwing to diffuse them while Flamebird and Azrael are on crowd control.

Dick: You're the best.

[Batcave]

Bruce: *checks the computer*

[Gotham University]

Bernard, whispering into his phone: Punchline is holding the chem lab hostage.

Tim, watching from a rooftop: I have eyes on the situation. Bluebird is scoping the perimeter as we speak.

[Batcave]

Bruce: *takes a bathroom break*

[Kahndaq]

Cass: *staking out Lady Shiva's new hideout from over a dune while munching on chips*

[Batcave]

*toilet flushes*

Bruce: *comes out with toilet paper stuck to his shoe*

[Nanda Parbat]

Damian: *fighting Ra's and a bunch of assassins one-handed while while dangling off a mountaintop*

[Batcave]

Bruce: *checks his watch again*

[Iceberg Lounge]

Kate, in disguise: You sure about this?

Selina, also in disguise: I know Penguin. Just follow my lead.

[Batcave]

Bruce: This is seriously not like them.

[space-time continuum]

Duke, falling through the multiverse: AAAAAAAAHHH!

Duke: *faceplants in another dimension*

Miles Morales: Wrong universe?

Duke: How'd you know?

Miles: It happens.

Miles: *hits a button and sends him back*

[Batcave]

Bruce: *has his back turned*

Dick: *rides in on his bike*

Tim: *swings in*

Jason: *walks through the door, wiping blood off his helmet*

Steph: *picks a sardine out of her hair*

Cass: *shakes off the sand*

Kate and Selina: *toss their disguises aside*

Damian: *sheaths his sword*

Barbara: *patches in over video*

Bruce: *turns around*

Bruce: Excellent, you're all on time.

Bruce: Wait.

Bruce: *does a headcount*

Bruce: Where's Duke?

*portal opens in the ceiling and Duke falls out*

Duke: Present.

Bruce: Good. Alfred, pull up the briefing.

Bruce: *looks around*

Bruce: Alfred?

[post-credit scene]

Alfred: *sipping a coconut on a beach*

Alfred: I needed this vacation. I have been nonstop working since 1944.

MCU elderly Steve Rogers: You and me both, pal.

[tiny-italian-danger-noodle]

you know what’s a trope that never gets tired is when theyre bouncing around in the plot and suddenly an important name crops up- it’s blorbo bleebus. and some dude is like who the hell is blorbo bleebus. and we immediately cut to our new friend blorbo bleebus pulling the most absolutely buckwild shit you’ve ever seen

[tiny-italian-danger-noodle]

Pineapple and Heists

Title: Pineapples and Heists

Relationships: Steve/Danny and Rusty/Danny

Archive Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Words: 11k

Chapter 4/?

Summary: Danny raised an eyebrow. "Something I should be worried about?"

Steve stared at him for a moment before speaking. "Who's Turk Malloy?"

Chapter 1 | post

Chapter 2 | post

Chapter 3 | post

Chapter 4

[tiny-italian-danger-noodle]

Why does he need a- … oh