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pt 1

hi, my partner's been experiencing mild gender dysphoria since summer '22. it's mostly on and off - some days he's distressed by it but a lot of days he doesn't think about it at all. he doesn't want to transition and currently doesn't have access to therapy. he's trying not to think about it, but it worries me that it comes back everytime. i think it would be best for him to address his feelings though.

"pt 2

i would have no issue if he ended up identifying as a woman, since I'm bisexual and would love him anyways. but obviously being trans and undergoing medical transition is extremely hard, so he would love to try to accept his sex assigned at birth, do you or your followers have any advice/resources for this? thanks a lot, hope you're having a nice day <3"

Hello! A good question and I think not uncommon. Many folks can experience discomfort with identifying differently than they previously thought or express a struggle even figuring out how they identify. It's nothing your partner should feel ashamed about or scared of. It sounds like you are doing the most you, or anyone else, can for your partner. You're creating a safe and supportive environment while encouraging them to seek additional help and resources. Being trans doesn't mean someone needs to undergo any kind of transition. It is not a requirement to seek medical transition or anything else. Most do because of the dysphoria, but not required. There is also a massive spectrum of gender identities out there and maybe your partner doesn't quite fit with "transgender", but perhaps somewhere in between?

I think the best advice I could provide would be to encourage your partner to join communities on Reddit, or other online forums (I'll be honest I don't really know of others) and talk with people who have experienced the same thing. It may provide some clarity, or at least a safe space where they can feel understood. Perhaps some followers have had similar experiences and can chime in!

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A wonderful Redditor created this ever-updating prosthetic review list.  Check it out and if you have questions or want to see something, drop it in the comments - the Redditor is monitoring the post!  (Posted with permission).

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Athlete Ally on Instagram (@athleteally) is putting a call out for transgender athletes to share their stories.  Link to the original post on Instagram.

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Transgender Day of Visibility. By tai.draws

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I don’t even remember when I posted about this originally, but I was reminded by someone reblogging it (thank you!).  MyTransHealth is now up and running, but only available in select major cities in the US.  Folks (adult, young adult, or youth) can find medical and mental health providers near them who are “culturally competent”.

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This is a new biweekly podcast about the queer experience.  Hosted by three wonderful queer folks.  They cover a lot of different topics and listening to it feels like you’re just sitting and hanging out with friends.  I especially like that the hosts hold each other accountable if one of them says something incorrect or ignorant.  It’s just a very refreshing podcast to listen to and this is not my typical genre of podcast.

Give them a listen!  And if you like them, check out their Facebook page and write a nice review.

Facebook Page

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“Here’s some stuff I’ve learned in my ~12 years since I started transitioning”

*Posted with permission from a Redditor who chooses to remain anonymous.  I am over 10yrs into my transition and agree with most of these points.  Thought this was a great share to help our younger transmen.

I’m 26 and I started transitioning at 14. I recently passed my 10yrs on T recently and I figured I’d pass on some random knowledge I’ve accumulated in my experience.

Physical stuff:

-Be prepared to outgrow any clothes you buy in the first 5ish years on T. You might think you’re in the clear after a couple years, you’re not. That includes shoes.

-Looking at your father and brothers for an idea of what you might look like on T isn’t always accurate. My dad and brother don’t have much body hair, I’m a damn werewolf. On the other hand, they have full heads or hair. My hair has decided to migrate from my head to, well, everywhere else.

-Mature hairlines are a thing, doesn’t necessarily mean receding. My dad has the former, I have the latter.

-Not all hair follicles grow at the same time. Your beard after not shaving for 2 weeks is not the same as your beard after not shaving 2 months and then trimming it to that same length. Ive had a thick, full beard since I was 20. I had to shave for a neck surgery and for the first month I was back to my patchy teenage beard. Right now, wearing a mask is a great opportunity if you want to try growing it out without looking ridiculous.

-Still train all of your body if you’re trying to get a more masculine physique. You may worry about having a bigger butt or thighs but trust me, it’s still important. Also, it’s not all about shoulders, chest, and arms. The lats and traps are often overlooked.

-Penises sit lower than you think and are smaller than you think. Take that into account when packing. I haven’t been in the market for many years but I pray that there are more options now that aren’t 5+”.

-If you get a hysto, hold a pillow over your belly when you cough. Trust me.

-If you have surgery in general, you’re probably going to be thirsty when you wake up. Go slow when they finally let you have water. I’ve puked on a few nurses… sorry guys.

-If you have bottom surgery with urethral lengthening, you might have extra drops of pee that get stuck. The way your urethra is situated has a different angle so more pee gets trapped in there. Press up on the gooch to get it out. Some cis guys have to do it too, it’s called the taint tap.

-Athletic fit pants are great for big booty bros.

Social/emotional stuff:

-It can be hard to see it sometimes, but plenty of cis guys have the same features you’re dysphoric about. Baby face? I’ve got male coworkers older than me that look like teenagers. Wide hips? Some dudes are bottom heavy. Short? If you pay attention, there’s short guys everywhere. The average guy doesn’t look like Channing Tatum.

-There’s a thin line between dysphoria and dysmorphia. What you see in the mirror could be totally different from what people see when they look at you.

-It’s fine to pee in the stall. Standing or sitting. Nobody gives a fuck. Even after phallo I pretty much exclusively pee in stalls. Less splashback, privacy, and pee time is me time.

-There’s another step to transitioning you might not realize: becoming confident in yourself as a man. It’s easier said than done and it can be a pretty long process. You are a manly fuckin man (or a feminine man, but you’re still a Fuckin man) and you are no less of a man than any other. You will be much happier once you can say that to yourself and truly believe it.

-You don’t owe anything to the trans community. There’s no denying there can be negativity. If it’s taking a toll on your mental health or causing more dysphoria, it’s ok to step back. You’re not obligated to involve yourself just because others in the community have helped you. You owe yourself happiness. It took me way to long to learn that. I pop in online once or twice a year in places like this sub where it typically is a civil environment but I limit it to that.

-Along the same lines, it’s ok to be stealth. You are more than your gender and it’s ok if you don’t want others to define you by that. Again, you don’t owe anybody anything. You can support the trans community without disclosing. Vote in support of trans rights, call people out on their bigotry, donate to charities, etc. And unfortunate as it is, your voice is sometimes more heard as an ally than as a trans person.

-Even if you finished the required therapy to get hormones/surgery it’s good to stick with it if you can. I know it’s not possible financially or time wise for everyone, but if you can, you should. All of your struggles don’t magically disappear when you medically transition. It’s good to have a professional help you process everything. I honestly think most people in general can benefit a lot from therapy.

-You could still have some dysphoria even when you have fully transitioned (whatever you define that as for yourself). Many don’t but it’s not a guarantee. I’m sorry to break that to anyone who is just starting their transition but it’s important to realize. If you recognize it, you can learn to cope. I still feel some dysphoria occasionally about the things I cant change. Mainly that I can’t be the biological father to my children. I have to remember that it’s not genetics that makes a father, it’s love and care.

My experience obviously isn’t going to be the same as everyone else’s but I hope this can help someone a little bit.

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I changed my name and sex marker 10 years ago and I finally got around to updating my passport... all that’s left is my sex marker on Social Security.

Being buried in paperwork is the edgiest

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This is what 10yrs of testosterone looks like.

Yesterday was my 10-year anniversary of starting T.  I’ve accidentally kept all these bottles - it was never my intention to keep them, but I’ve just used the same box to hold all my supplies for the last 10yrs and never threw things out.  It’s interesting to look at it all and then calculate how much T that actually is (it comes out to slightly more than 10 tablespoons).

The last 10 years have been a rollercoaster and I never thought I would make it to this point in my transition.  

For the record: I’ve now thrown all of those out since my box was full.  I did keep my first bottle, though.

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A Packing Underwear Discovery

Hey folks,

*This post is not sponsored by any company or person, just me sharing a discovery.

I’ve recently discovered a new kind of underwear that has been pretty useful for packing.  It is not a trans-exclusive underwear company and was not developed for packing, but it works great!  Let’s talk about the “ball hammock” briefs...

The company is called Shinesty and they make and sell “ball hammock” underwear for men (they also sell underwear for women and some other random things).  Basically, it’s a pouch in the front of the underwear intended to hold a cismale’s junk.  Well, it holds our junk, too!

These boxer briefs are super comfortable - like I forget I’m even wearing them sometimes and I’ll wear them even if I’m not packing.  The designs are pretty fun, too.  What I love about them is that it’s not a “trans thing”.  It’s a guy thing.  Being able to buy something that is marketed for cismen feels really good.

They are a small company right now, but their customer service is amazing.  They offer a monthly subscription or you can purchase by-the-pair (though it’s actually much more affordable if you do the subscription).

I’ve been able to pack without using any kind of harness or anything and haven’t had any issues.

If you’re interested in giving them a try, or just seeing what I’m talking about, you can use the link below to save 20%.

Shinesty!

Update June 2021: Hanes also has boxer briefs like this which are equally comfortable and probably more affordable, as you get many more pairs for a lower price than if you were to purchase the same amount from Shinesty.  They do not, however, have fun patterns.  I also prefer the feel of the Shinesty ones to the Hanes brand, but if you want to check out Hanes, here you go: Hanes total support pouch boxer briefs

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Transthetics has giveaways every once in a while.  Here is another one.  The winner gets to choose any product currently in the Transthetics shop.  Submissions close on Feb. 20, 2021. 

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Packer Crochet Pattern

A stranger on Reddit (they prefer to remain anonymous) has created a crochet pattern for making your own packer.

Pattern below!

PACKER: The penis and balls are both worked in the round. You will need to know how to chain, single crochet, double crochet, decrease, slip stitch, and crochet in the round. Supplies: acrylic worsted weight yarn, size H (5 mm) crochet hook, and a small amount of stuffing to fill it.  Penis portion measures 3.6″ long; the average size of a flaccid penis.

HEAD OF THE PENIS: Chain five, connect into a loop. 

Row 1: chain one, then single crochet seven times into the loop. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch.

Row 2: chain one, then single crochet twice in the first stitch, once in the next stitch, once in the next stitch, twice in the next stitch, once in the next stitch, and once in the next stitch, and twice in the last stitch. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch. 

Row 3: chain one, then single crochet in every stitch. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch. 

Row 4: chain two, then double crochet in every stitch. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch. 

Row 5: chain one, then single crochet in every stitch, working through the post of the double crochet stitches from the row before. This creates a new row of stitches that appears to sit inside the previous double crochet row. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch. 

Row 6: chain one, then single crochet in every stitch of the inner row only. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch.

SHAFT OF THE PENIS: Row 7 and beyond: chain one, then single crochet in every stitch. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch. Repeat this row until the penis is 3.6 inches long, or desired length. Tie off the yarn and weave the end in.

Fill the penis with the stuffing until it reaches the desired firmness. Set aside.

FIRST BALL: Chain four, connect into a loop. 

Row 1: chain one, then single crochet six times into the loop. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch. 

Row 2: chain one, then single crochet twice in each stitch. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch.

Row 3: chain one, then single crochet twice in the first stitch, once in the second, and repeat all the way around. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch.

Row 4: chain one, then single crochet in every stitch. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch.

Row 5: chain one, then single crochet in every stitch. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch.

Row 6: chain one, then single crochet in every stitch. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch.

Row 7: chain one, then do a decrease in the next two stitches, single crochet in the next stitch, and repeat all the way around. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch. (How to decrease: insert hook through stitch, yarn over, pull back through the stitch, insert hook through next stitch, yarn over, then pull through all three loops.) Tie off the yarn and weave the end in. Set aside.

SECOND BALL: Chain four, connect into a loop. 

Row 1: chain one, then single crochet six times into the loop. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch. 

Row 2: chain one, then single crochet twice in each stitch. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch. 

Row 3: chain one, then single crochet twice in the first stitch, once in the second, and repeat all the way around. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch.

Row 4: chain one, then single crochet in every stitch. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch. 

Row 5: chain one, then single crochet in every stitch. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch. 

Row 6: chain one, then single crochet in every stitch. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch. 

Row 7: chain one, then do a decrease in the next two stitches, single crochet in the next stitch, and repeat all the way around. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch. (How to decrease: insert hook through stitch, yarn over, pull back through the stitch, insert hook through next stitch, yarn over, then pull through all three loops.) 

Row 8: with a new piece of yarn, hold the two balls next to each other and connect them with four slip stitches where they touch. 

Row 9: with your original yarn, crochet around the outer edge of the balls. Chain one, then do a decrease in the next two stitches, and repeat all the way around. Connect to the first chain with a slip stitch. (How to decrease: insert hook through stitch, yarn over, pull back through the stitch, insert hook through next stitch, yarn over, then pull through all three loops.)

Fill the balls with the stuffing until they reach the desired firmness.

ASSEMBLY: Row 1: pinch the opening of the penis flat to make a seam. Pinch the opening of the balls flat to make a seam. Slip stitch through both "seams". Tie off the yarn and weave the end in.

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“Why do you have scars on your chest?”

I’ll be near family who have never seen me shirtless soon (even though I had top surgery 7 years ago).  Among them are kids aged 7-12 who do not know I am trans, while the rest of my family does.  In preparation for the inevitable questions about my scars, I asked a group of siblings and an internet forum for suggestions.

Here are my favorites:

“Two people were fishing next to me and both hooks got caught on my shirt but they still cast and that’s why you have to be careful when fishing.”

“I’m actually 184 and have to have all my organs replaced every 20 years through these quick access holes to stay youthful!”

“Thanks, it has pockets!”

“Oh, these are my gills.  For swimming.”

“I thought it would look cool.”

“I ate some watermelon seeds and had to get the watermelons surgically removed.”

“I fought off a shark in this very lake many years ago.”

“I was born with extra ribs and had to get some removed.” (An added suggestion of getting some rib bones from a local butcher shop.)

“Don’t knit and skateboard.”

Some more serious ones:

“I had some unhealthy tissue removed.”

“I had surgery, but I don’t really like to talk about it.”

*The reason I don’t want to tell the kids I am trans is because I live fully stealth.  It’s not that I don’t think they can handle it, it’s that I only disclose that information for legal and medical reasons.  There is absolutely zero benefit to me to tell them I am trans, so I have no interest in doing that.

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You're such a strong individual and I respect you so much for accepting who you were born to be. I saw that statistic about how many trans people have attempted suicide. I really hope you won't ever be a part of the percentage.

*Resources at the end of this post*

Unfortunately I, and I’m sure many of these readers, are part of that statistic.  But we’re all still here.  Despite the difficulties and the pain and the dark times, we are all still here.  

For some, they’ve made it through those difficult times and are in a better place now.  For others, they are currently sitting under the clouds trying to get out.  For many, like myself, it’s a lifelong rollercoaster of ups and downs.

There’s no shame in being part of that statistics of people who have attempted.  There is no shame in talking about mental health.  There is no shame in asking for help from others.  There is no shame in having feelings.

If you feel that you don’t have anyone you can reach out to, here are some resources.

Trans Specific:

Transgender Pulse (formerly Laura’s Playground) - offers forums, chat rooms monitored by a trained crisis intervention team

Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) - A crisis and suicide prevention hotline for trans and gender non-conforming individuals, staffed by trans and gender non-conforming individuals.  Available in the US and Canada (1-877-330-6366)

LGBTQ+ Specific:

The Trevor Project - Hotline, text line, and online chat support for youth (under age 18)

oStem Crisis Textline

LGBT National Help Center - Offers hotlines for youths, adults, and seniors, peer support chats, and weekly youth chats.

Non-LGBTQ+ Specific:

IMAlive.org - Online crisis chat

(US) National Suicide Prevention Hotline (1-800-273-8255)

Crisis Text Line (available in US, Canada, UK, and Ireland)

List of Suicide Prevention Hotlines for Several Countries

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Sometimes i think i might be trans and then this voice at the back of my head just screams at me like "STOP IT. NO. YOU'RE JUST A BORED CIS GIRL LOOKING FOR ATTENTION. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU'LL OFFEND IF YOU EVEN QUESTION YOUR GENDER?????" and then i just shake my head and try to forget it

Trying to figure out your identity can be very confusing and frustrating, but it’s something only you can discover.  Reading others’ experiences can be helpful in relating to feelings (or not) and finding comfort to know you’re not alone.

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What do you think of using genderev(.)com(/)pronouns as a resource for trying on pronouns? I think it would be useful for a lot of people.

Interesting website!  I’ve not heard of it before.  Thanks for sharing.  

I’m not sure what the main purpose of this website is, but the pronoun page allows you to put a name into a box and choose which pronouns you’d like, it generates a short paragraph using that name and pronouns so you can “try them on”.

GENDEREV

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Hello. I am a transsexual male and I'm 15 and pre-t. I really need to go on HRT and I'm scared that if I don't go on it soon I might kill myself. It's legal for me to start HRT and 15 here, but I would most likely need permission from my parents. How do I ask them for it? They have been very supportive but I'm unsure of what their reaction to me wanting to start t at my age might be.

Hey!

I totally understand the urgency to start T.  I was the same way when I was your age (but I did not end up starting until I was 18 due to being a minor with unsupportive parents).

It is awesome that your parents have been supportive of you!  I think the best advice I can give you is to just talk with them.  Think about how they might react and be prepared for whatever that is.  

Maybe they will want some more information on it before making a decision, so help guide them to resources that will help them (for example, here’s a quick guide on what to expect with testosterone).  Express to them why it is important for you to start it now versus later.

Above all else, find ways to move forward with your life if you are unable to get it right now.  Even if they do say yes, there could be complications in getting it (or a delay).  You need to have coping mechanisms in place to continue forward in life.

There are ways to feel more comfortable in your body without T, like (safely) binding or wearing masculine clothing.  Maybe you’re already doing some of those things and that’s great!  If not, here are some tips on safe (and some cheap) binding options: Safer Binding Options