londrya

[londrya]

Brucie Wayne comes out with his own cosmetic line.

When asked about it during an interview he responds, “Why let the girls have all the fun?” before winking at the camera, kissing some reporter on the cheek, and disappearing while the camera pans to the bright red lipstick mark.

His kids do the bulk of the promoting, sending out packages to people on youtube and tiktok and instagram. Tim has them all try out a few looks on their social medias. There are a few “collabs” that Bruce is grateful he doesn’t have to appear in.

The fan favorite of the promos is a youtube video called My Siblings Do My Makeup, which is just Tim subjecting himself to the chaos. Steph and Dick’s looks are as always, unfairly good. Jason goes for a drag look and Tim is happy to complete the makeover when Steph lends him an appropriate dress. Cass and Duke do well but they go for straightforward and not overly complicated. The video ends with Damian’s look, everyone sitting stunned. He hadn’t gone for the obvious troll they’d been expecting. In fact, Tim thought it might be his favorite look of the video. When pressed, all Damian would say on the subject is, “I have seen my Mother prepare for far more dignified outings than the galas you subject me to.”

It’s an absolute hit. Especially in Gotham, where people have frequent encounters with rogues that love leaving their victims with “reminders” that aren’t easy concealed. There are reddit pages dedicated to people suggesting the brand for covering up scars and other noticeable markings.

There is even a video, shaky and badly lit, of Nightwing shouting at Two Face during a rooftop pursuit asking if he’s tried out the sample he sent him. The video ends abruptly with some shouted curses punctuated with gunfire. The following morning, from a burner twitter account, was a single image of someone in a red helmet holding Harvey Dent for the camera, both sides of his face looking like he did just before the accident, although far angrier.

[londrya]

one of the funniest batkid tropes has to be the older kids constantly getting mistaken as the younger ones parent, especially when there’s literally like. a two year age difference between them like jason with tim. but even funnier is when it starts to get layers to it and the entire family tree gets fucked up.

-Tim and Damian out shopping-

Damian: here, buy these for me.

Tim, who has the credit card: *sigh* alright, c’mon then.

Tim, as he hands the stuff to the cashier: but after this we have to get food, you haven’t eaten all day.

Damian: tt. you are overbearing.

Tim: no, i’m doing my job by making sure you don’t die.

Damian: *rolls his eyes and leaves*

Cashier: aw, don’t worry, i had my first when i was young. you’re doing great!

Tim:

Tim:

Tim: . thank you.

-Jason taking Tim to the movies-

Jason: alright, what was it you wanted to see?

Tim: that new crime one, there. can i get the sweet popcorn too?

Jason: sure.

Movie theatre worker, handing over the tickets: here you go! enjoy the movie guys, and can i just say it’s so lovely to see a father and son spending time together like this.

Jason, has been mistaken for Tim’s dad so many times he no longer blinks: yeah haha, anything to get him out of his room, see you later.

Tim, as they walk away: so does this make you Damian’s grandfather?

Jason:

Jason: what?

-later-

Damian, bored as hell: so Todd, if you are my grandfather, and you have slept with my mother,

Jason: do not remind me

Damian: then mother is your ex, which means my mother is my ex grandmother.

Jason: …huh.

Dick: and if she went back to Bruce after you left the league, then your ex and Damian’s ex grandmother, is also your mother and damian’s new great grandmother.

Jason: no no no, do you not remember how many times you were called my dad before i died? Bruce is my grandfather, which means my ex is also my new grandmother and Damian’s… great… great grandmother? right? if i’m his grandfather and you’re his great grandfather then- yeah. Talia’s his great great grandmother.

Tim: Steph got called my mom once. we were dating at the time so that was weird.

Dick: Tim a lot of people seem to think you’re a young child. maybe it’s time to up the nutrition intake.

Damian: so after my grandfather broke up with my now-great great grandmother, he got with his son’s mother. so Brown is now my grandmother.

Dick: so Steph is my daughter-in-law?

Jason: wait wait why do i have to marry her? can’t we just be separated co-parents? isn’t she with Cass anyway?

Damian: so… you broke UP with your son’s mother, and now Drake has a father and two mothers, one of whom is his ex.

Dick: also i’ve had multiple people think me and Cass are twins, so.

Tim: My dad really can’t keep a woman.

Jason: w- hey people have thought me and Roy were a married couple, so maybe i can’t keep a woman because i’d rather a man!

Tim: so is lian my sister then?

Dick: somebody thought Roy was my cousin once, back when we were in the titans together.

Tim: last gala somebody assumed me and Duke were an item, so Damian is also Duke’s son.

Damian: so do i have the N word pass?

Tim: adopted son.

Jason: actually come to think of it, i knew Duke and his parents back when i was a street kid, and a lot of people who saw us hang out thought that i was his adopted older brother.

Dick: so Duke is… Tim’s… uncle? turned husband? and also Jason’s brother turned son? so he’s my son turned grandkid?

Tim: OH and once somebody thought Steph was Dick’s girlfriend.

Jason:

Dick:

Damian:

Damian: we need to get the whiteboard out for this-

Tim: -gonna make a graph-

[londrya]

There has been this idea floating around in my head, of little robin dick, who would trip people when he gets angry.

Like, imagine him, angry because he didn't get the last cookie or something, and just slipping into a shadow in a crowded place. And every time someone comes by who he doesn't like or just feels like tripping, he sticks out his little foot and they stumble over it. Only for them to turn around and don't see over what they just stumbled.

[londrya]

reblog if you are ASEXUAL, support ASEXUAL PEOPLE, or SECRETLY A DRAGON IN HUMAN FORM

[londrya]

[londrya]

Dick (getting a call from an unknown number while at a JL meeting): Uhhh... Excuse me guys, but I think I got to take this?

Flash: You think?

Dick: I got a hunch." Hello?"

*Damian's school*: Hello? Is this Mr. Wayne?

Dick: No I'm his son. What's up?

*Damian's school*: Well, Damian got in trouble, and we needed his guardian to pick him up. He gave is this number to call his Baba?

Dick: Oh, yeah, that's me. I'll be there in 20. Or, wait no. His dad can be there faster. He'll be there in 10.

*Damian's school*: Oh. Ok. We'll be awaiting Mr. Wayne then.

Dick: Ah. No. My husband will come pick him up. Ok? Bye *hangs up*

JL, slightly confused: uhhhh

Dick: Walls? Can you go and pick up dami? He got in trouble.

Wally: Yessir! *Saps of*

JL: ?????

Bruce *grumbling*: Why does he never call me?

Dick: Because the last time you had to pick one of us up from school, the secretary fainted and the school was flooded with reporters for the next MONTH!

JL: ???????

[londrya]

Please Reblog is Your Blog is Safe for Non-Binary People.

If my mutuals can’t rb this then we can’t be mutuals

[londrya]

Wally: Hey B! Is Nightwing here?

Bruce: Hn

Wally: Oh. OK. Then I'll talk to him later.

Barry (Who was just sitting on the couch, enjoying a snack): Ayo wtf.

Wally: What's up?

Barry: First of all, B? How did you get away with that? Second of all, how did you understand his Hn?

Wally: Well, he's been B for... Idk... Seven years now? And, well, there's a list of his hn's.

Barry: Seven yea- THERE'S A LIST?!?!

[londrya]

Tim: Shotgun!

Dick: No! I'm the oldest brother, I get to ride shotgun!

Jason: Oh, we are still not through with THAT argument!

Steph: What argument?

Tim: Dicks the oldest, but not the oldest brother.

Dick: Yes I am! I am with Bruce the longest and am the oldest!

Jason: But you weren't adopted until like, three years ago. Ergo, I'm the oldest.

Tim: With that logic I'm the oldest though. Since, you know, you were legally dead for a few years.

Damian: I'm the oldest.

All: Huh?

Damian: I was born before any of you where adopted.

Jason: But he didn't know about you until recently.

Damien: Still his son.

Duke: Does it really madder that much who is the oldest?

All: Yes!

Dick: Someone has to get oldest brother privileges.

Cass: Can I have them?

[londrya]

Steph: Has anyone seen Cass? We wanted to go to Babs in half an hour, and I can't find her.

Dick: Have you checked in her room?

Steph: Of course I have! I'm not stupid

Dick: What about the kitchen? I heard Alfred is baking.

Steph: Checked there already. Alfred said to ask you.

Dick: He did? Why?

Steph: Apparently she wanted to find you about ten minutes ago.

Dick: Ohhhhh.... Have you checked my room then? She likes to curl up under the weighted blanket I keep here.

She was indeed there.

[londrya]

jason: *turns corner after stopping a mugging and sees he's actively getting tire-jacked*

jason:

street kid:

jason: *getting prepared to just let the kid have the tire* any chance you're gonna put that back on?

kid: *eyes narrow* maybe. your name red hood?

jason: uh . . . yeah? *gestures to hood* i'm decently sure

kid: *screws tire back on* here ya go then, mister. sorry about that. i didn't know this was your bike.

jason:

kid:

jason: *hands her a flier for a shelter* ya can go here, kid. they'll help. call me if you ever get into any trouble, okay?

later:

jason: dickie i'll tell ya, in that moment i gave up, ya know? i fully accepted it. i looked down at the kid and i thought, "ive been runnin from bein bruce my whole life, maybe its time to give in". i was fully ready to take the kid to the nearest adoption agency by tomorrow. i was plannin' out the kids room in my apartment, stuffed animals and obnoxious night light an all. an then the little gremlin REJECTED ME

dick . . . by giving you back the tire he stole

jason: *crying* exactly

dick: did it ever cross your mind that she did that because she liked you? not the other way around?

jason: of course not! if she really liked me she would have hit me with the tire iron, not given me back the tire! what kind of backward thinking is that???

dick:

[londrya]

The Bat kids all have at least one hobby that the press knows of.

It's to cover where the injuries come from.

Dick obviously does gymnastics. But he sometimes joins Damian when the boy goes fencing. Dick doesn't stand a chance. But he isn't there to beat Damian. He's there to spend time with his baby brother. (His child. Damian is his baby)

Damian does fencing. But most of his supposed injuries come from horse riding. He really likes animals after all.

Jason used to dance. (What kind of dance is up to you) But later started to boulder.

Tim skates. That's basic knowledge. But he also enjoys surfing.

He rarely goes. But when he gets the chance....

Cass dances ballet. She sometimes also joins Damian when he goes horse riding. But even then, she most of the time does dressage.

Steph does everything above. She rarely needs to find an excuse for her injuries, but when she does, she just randomly picks one of the things the others do. (She joins them regularly too, so it's not like it's a lie.)

Barbaras Go to excuse was parkour.

Duke just gestures vaguely into the direction of the others, who most of the time are currently doing something ridiculously and stupid.

The reporters never question him

[londrya]

Random woman at a Gala: Oh, you've grown up since I last saw you! But Tell me dear, why would you wear a suit. Those are for men. You are a lady. Wear a dress.

Tim, visibly confused: Huh?

Random woman: Oh, you're not Cassandra.

Tim, now offended on her behalf: No I'm not.

The next gala all the Bat boys show up in dresses. Cass wears a suit. She gets confused with Tim very often that evening, and everyone is very confused when she points them in the right direction.

Steph is there too for some reason. Tim is pretty sure it's because she likes to fuck with people.

[londrya]

*The kitchen in Wayne Manor*

Clark, drinking a coffee: And then I was like, i don't need....

Jon walking in, not fully awake yet: Morning...

Clark: Morning? What are you doing here? You where supposed to be at kon's?

Kon walking in with Tim in tow: Well technically he is with me.

Wally sapping in to get something from the fridge: Wow, in what kind of family reunion did I stumble into here?

Roy, also there to get something to eat: I dunno man.

Bruce, appearing out of nowhere: The real question here is, why tf you all are at my house.

Alfred: It seems like the boys had a sleepover. Just like old times.

Roy: Hah, tell that to the hickeys on Jason's neck

[londrya]

Bruce: It's been awfully quiet today...

Alfred: Is that so Master Bruce?

Bruce: Something is wrong

Alfred: Whatever could that be?

*crashing in the distance, accompanied by screams*

Jason: You bitch! Get back here!

Damian: Brother, why is your white streak yellow?

Duke: Run for your life!

Bruce: Ah, there it is.

Alfred: Should I ready the glitter traps, incase of another prank war?

Bruce: Yes, please. I'm not sure how to get dick out of the vents otherwise.

[londrya]

A little head cannon of mine is, that the Justice league has a collective good luck charm.

It started as a little friendship bracelet Dick made, when he was around nine and still robin.

He was really sad when he realised that only one person could wear the bracelet at a time.

So the JL decided to wear it in a rotating order. There were exceptions, of course, like when one would go on a mission. Then they had the right to it as a good luck charm.

But after a while they would start arguing who had the right to wear it.

So they came to the conclusion to keep it at the tower.

Since then many people have added to the, by now, little good luck shrine.

There were a few batarangs, one of the very first strings of Ollie's bow, an ancient sea shell, and many other little things.

It is custom now, to take a moment in front of it before a mission. Some even pray.

By now, the friendship bracelet, made out of yarn, that dick had given the Justice league, was more or less buried under other charms.

And if it really did give good luck. Maybe even only because it came in contact with so many different types of magic, then no one was the wiser.

[londrya]

Imagine at a JL meeting.

Batmans Phone rings and he pulls out a fucking Nokia.

Superman just stares, and flash is trying really hard not to laugh, while Green lantern is openly whaling on the floor of laughter, because, Batman uses a brick to call people! THE Batman, with the most advanced technology, uses a NOKIA!

Every member of the batfamily owns a shitty old Nokia phone.

They all dropped their much more expensive modern-day phones from a few stories up mid Vigilante-ing at least once and now they're no longer allowed to have their Good Phones on their person during crime fighting.

At least one thug has been domed in the back of the head by a Nokia lol