#‘differently abled’ language is SUCH A TRIGGER

[firefly-fez]

me at 8:00: yeah guys i can’t come out tonight. yeah got another insomnia flare-up, really need an early night. have fun tho!

me at 1am: how are we, as a society ever going to destigmatise disability if we won’t even let ourselves say the goddamned word. maybe the reason you think disability is an offensive term is because disability itself offends you. and of course it does, because it is offensive. The notion that a disabled person did nothing to deserve their disability and cannot achieve success the same way you can because of it offends the idea that you are successful because of your vitues, not your luck. It offends the pride you have in uour work, your success, your wealth and whether you truly earnt it. Disability is offensive only because the innate humanity of a disabled person offends the very propaganda our extractive capitalist society relies on to—

[thewriteadviceforwriters]

Master Dialogue Writing Techniques for Engaging Fiction (For Writers)

(Beware, long post!)

As fiction writers, we all know that effective dialogue is essential for bringing our stories and characters to life. After all, the way our protagonists, antagonists, and supporting players speak to one another is one of the primary ways readers get to know them on a deep, intimate level. Dialogue reveals personality, uncovers motivation, and propels the narrative forward in a way that felt narration simply can't match.

But nailing natural, compelling dialogue is easier said than done. It's a craft that takes serious skill to master, requiring writers to have a keen ear for authentic speech patterns, a nimble handle on subtext and implication, and the ability to strike that delicate balance between being true to real-world conversation while also keeping things snappy, dynamic, and laser-focused on the story at hand.

If you're someone who struggles with crafting dialogue that truly sings, never fear. In this in-depth guide, I'm going to dive deep into the techniques and best practices that will help you elevate your dialogue writing to new heights. By the end, you'll have a toolbox full of strategies to ensure that every exchange between your characters is as gripping, revealing, and unforgettable as possible.

The Fundamentals of Effective Dialogue

Before we get into the more advanced nuances of dialogue writing, let's start by covering some of the foundational principles that all great fictional conversations are built upon:

Reveal Character One of the primary functions of dialogue is to give readers a window into who your characters are as people. The way they speak — their word choices, their tone, their body language, their turns of phrase — should provide vivid insight into their personalities, backgrounds, values, quirks, and emotional states.

Think about how much you can glean about someone just from how they communicate in real life. Do they use a lot of slang and shorthand? Are they verbose and flowery with their language? Do they struggle to make eye contact or fail to respond directly to questions? All of these subtle linguistic cues are powerful tools for crafting multi-dimensional characters.

Drive the Plot Forward While revelations about character are crucial, you also want to ensure that your dialogue is constantly pushing the story itself forward. Each exchange should feel purposeful, moving the narrative along by introducing new information, triggering plot points, creating conflict, or prompting characters to make pivotal decisions.

Dialogue that feels aimless or extraneous will ultimately bore readers and detract from the forward momentum of your story. Every line should have a clear intent or function, whether it's uncovering a hidden truth, setting up a future complication, or escalating the tension in a high-stakes moment.

Establish Distinct Voices In a story featuring multiple characters, it's crucial that each person has a clearly defined and differentiated way of speaking. Readers should be able to tell who's talking just from the rhythm, diction, and personality of the dialogue, without any additional context clues.

This doesn't mean every character has to have an over-the-top, hyper-stylized way of communicating. In fact, the most effective character voices often feel grounded and natural. But there should still be distinct markers — whether it's word choice, sentence structure, tone, or speech patterns — that make each person's voice instantly recognizable.

Convey Subtext While the literal words being spoken are important, great dialogue also traffics heavily in subtext — the unspoken emotional undercurrents, power dynamics, and hidden agendas that simmer beneath the surface of a conversation.

The most compelling exchanges happen when characters are communicating on multiple levels simultaneously. Perhaps they're saying one thing out loud while their body language and tone convey a completely different sentiment. Or maybe they're engaged in a subtle war of wits, trading verbal jabs that reveal deeper wells of resentment, attraction, or vulnerability.

Mastering the art of subtext is key to creating dialogue that feels layered, lifelike, and imbued with dramatic tension.

Strategies for Writing Snappy, Realistic Dialogue

Now that we've covered the foundational principles, let's dive into some specific techniques and best practices that will take your dialogue writing to the next level:

Omit Unnecessary Details One of the biggest mistakes many writers make with dialogue is bogging it down with too much extraneous information. In real life, people rarely speak in perfectly composed, grammatically correct full sentences. We stumble over our words, interrupt each other, trail off mid-thought, and pack our speech with filler words like "um," "uh," and "you know."

While you don't want to go overboard with mimicking that messiness, you should aim to strip your dialogue of any overly formal or expository language. Stick to the essentials — the core thoughts, feelings, and information being exchanged — and let the subtext and character voices do the heavy lifting. Your readers will fill in the gaps and appreciate the authenticity.

Master the Art of Subtext As mentioned earlier, crafting dialogue that's rich in subtext is one of the keys to making it feel gripping and lifelike. Think about how much is often left unsaid in real-world conversations, with people dancing around sensitive topics, conveying hidden agendas, or engaging in subtle power struggles.

To layer that sense of unspoken tension into your own dialogue, consider techniques like:

• Having characters contradict themselves or say one thing while their body language says another

• Utilizing loaded pauses, interruptions, and moments of uncomfortable silence

• Injecting subtle sarcasm, skepticism, or implication into a character's word choices

• Allowing characters to talk past each other, missing the unspoken point of what the other person is really saying

The more you can imbue your dialogue with that layered, emotionally-charged subtext, the more it will resonate with readers on a deeper level.

Establish Distinct Voices As mentioned earlier, ensuring that each of your characters has a clearly defined and differentiated speaking voice is crucial for great dialogue. But how exactly do you go about accomplishing that?

One effective strategy is to give each person a unique set of verbal tics, idioms, or speech patterns. Maybe one character is prone to long-winded, flowery metaphors, while another speaks in clipped, efficiency-minded sentences. Perhaps your protagonist has a habit of ending statements with questioning upticks, while the sarcastic best friend always punctuates their barbs with an eye roll.

You can also play with differences in diction, syntax, and even accent/dialect to further distinguish how your characters communicate. The key is to really get to know the unique personality, background, and psychology of each person — then let those elements shine through in how they express themselves.

Lean Into Conflict and Confrontation When it comes to crafting gripping dialogue, conflict is your friend. The most compelling exchanges often arise from characters butting heads, engaging in verbal sparring matches, or working through deep-seated tensions and disagreements.

Conflict allows you to showcase the high stakes, unresolved needs, and deeper emotional currents that are driving your characters. It forces them to make bold choices, reveals aspects of their personalities that might not otherwise surface, and generates the kind of dramatic tension that will really hook your readers.

Of course, you'll want to avoid making every single dialogue scene a full-blown argument. But learning to sprinkle in well-placed moments of friction, confrontation, and clashing agendas is a surefire way to elevate the energy and impact of your character interactions.

Read Your Dialogue Out Loud One of the most valuable tricks for ensuring your dialogue sounds natural and lifelike is to read it aloud as you're writing. Hearing the words out loud will quickly expose any clunky phrasing, overly formal grammar, or inauthentic rhythms that would otherwise go unnoticed on the page.

Pay close attention to how the dialogue rolls off your tongue. Does it have a smooth, conversational flow? Or does it feel stilted and unnatural? Are your characters' unique voices shining through clearly? Are there any spots where the back-and-forth starts to drag or feel repetitive?

Actively listening to your dialogue — and making adjustments based on how it sounds in the real world — is an essential part of the writing process. It's one of the best ways to refine and polish those character interactions until they feel truly alive.

Hopefully, this can help you all!

The key is to always keep your focus on authenticity. Ask yourself: how would real people actually speak?

Hey fellow writers! I'm super excited to share that I've just launched a Tumblr community. I'm inviting all of you to join my community. All you have to do is fill out this Google form, and I'll personally send you an invitation to join the Write Right Society on Tumblr! Can't wait to see your posts!

[thatdeadaquarius]

About your language brainrot. I see your "Reader's writing can't match tyvat's long and flowery writing" and bring you "Tyvat isn't used to books over 50 pages long so a short story to the Reader is a whole dictionary to tyvat readers".

Seriously, have you seen how thin the books are? They don't wrote novels, they write short chapters formatted in the way really old stories are. As in, summarizing all the events down into one smooth story then adding a few quotes. Fanfiction writers are insane. They will willingly sit down and write hundreds of words at a time. To them, a proper modern day story of maybe, oh 10k words or so, would probably be like the Oddessy itself.

If we were to combine the two headcanons. It would end up as many historians being intimidated by this insanely long written scripture in the language of the forgotten.

I'm going to take this a step further and say that if the creator asked some people to proofread their things, it would establish a hiarchy of who is able to actually finish the book the creator read and who isn't.

NOW THIS, THIS IS MY FUCKING JAMMMM

I'm so sorry this is so old!! u probably all know this by this point that I've really slowed down as the year has gone on, but I graduated university and then got my first job so its been pretty crazy!

Sun: Reader (you/they/them)

Orbit: Headcanons-ish

Stars: dash of all the book/nerds of Genshin, heavy on Sumeru?

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: Cussing, 16+ Mature Audiences, Spoliers for Sumeru Archon Quests/Scaramouche, & Trigger Warnings: mention of shipping/characters shipping themselves with you.

Comment if any missed, please.

☆

FULL STOP.

THE AKADEMIYA, FONTAINE RESEARCH INSTITUTE, HAVE BEEN WAITTTINNGGGG ON YOUR ASS LMAO

You fall from the fucking sky like a 5 star, or pop out of the Irminsul or whatever

and immediately are mobbed by scholars. LMAO jkjk (not really, bc that's what it’d feel like)

can you even imagine the dread older stories(”the classics” to them), that was instilled in the poor students around Teyvat??

id like to think ur works are the most preserved over the thousands of years of Teyvat archeologists excavating them, in comparison to other authors (teyvat just likes you more, suck it William Shakespeare)

also, bc I cant resist language differences/world building I'm sorryyyy 😭 😭

the vocab of Genshin lang vs. ours, has significantly less vocabulary like their actual dictionary is 1/3 the size of ours type of energy

(Omfg all ur fanfics being considered like insanely long realistic romantic classics or tragedies like Jane Austen-level, and only the richest and biggest play companies put on plays about ur stories bc the script goes on for hours)

(ur plays only get put on for rlly big events bc of this, like Lantern Rite or like a Summer/Winter festival/your birthday, which is, yes, an international holiday)

dude the sheer power move of anything you’ve written being essentially “Journey of the West” to them, like Damnnn.

endless like adaptations, plays, Teyvat-short stories condensing it, (THEIR OWN FANFICTION ABOUT UR STORIES)

the power is, in fact, going to your head every time another scholar both deflates at how long ur stuff is, but also lights up bc they get to read it

speaking of scholars… you know who snatched you up first. you know. you don’t even need to read the next line.

Alhaitham.

sneaky bastard he is, absolutely manipulated, mansplained (and manwhored bc he knows he’s handsome, cheeky little shit) his way into getting you to sit down with him and interview you about both translating other classics, your own, giving your own analysis of others works and ur own, and picking ur brain apart of how/why you wrote urs, etc. its fucking endless,

Kaveh had to come rescue you bc u were starving to death after getting stuck with the Haravatat scholar in his office for nearly 7 hours of interrogation discussion about literature

and Alhaitham wasn't even nearly done, he’d informed you as you left that he already had another appointment for later conversation scheduled (how?? you don't even know ur own schedule??? you have a schedule???) and was looking forward to more of your “creative and enlightening input” :)))

(you’re never going to escape him, not even Nahida herself can save you from his stubborn ass)

On another note, Xingqiu is quaking when you agree to autograph his copy of your stories (of which he has all hard covers of the first edition translations)

Zhongli/Rex Lapis is known for having a near-lifelong passion for searching for your works specifically, and learning how to translate them better into Teyvatian vernacular

like the same way he can absolutely speak on Rex Lapis facts/rocks/adepti info, is the same confidence he speaks about knowing ur work lol

(yes he did also ask for several autographs and another sit-down talk about the works, tho a lot more sneaky then Alhaitham bc he just casually gets u guys into it during dinner)

Barbatos/Venti has written some of the most famous songs based on your stuff, he has his favorites too,

but he always claims the best songs are any that have been written in the story, like either when a character sings something, or there are like quotes from songs ur fanfics are based on lol

(he also demanded to hear what they actually sound like from you, yes, you have to sing them for him lol)

Venti also can surprisingly drunkenly ramble the entirety of at least one of ur stories, like, word for word lmao

(Diluc gave in and did give him a drink on the house for that one, just once, Venti doesn’t remember it lol)

(I forgot to mention, u guys still speak the same language, just like, different versions of it)

ur works being one of the few things all the Archons can freely talk about with each other, like it’s neutral ground bc they’re all fangirling about it lmao

Furina and Neuvillette have had like,, fierce debates over the decades about character dynamics and the general drama of ur stories, they’ve gotten into it enough they’ve stopped talking to each other for a couple days a few times lol

Albedo, Sucrose, Kokomi, Yae Miko, Ei, Raiden, have read every single work they’re gotten their hands on in Teyvat (it took them like a literal year or longer)

Albedo drew you fanart for every single story, bc he’s hyperfixated on everything related to you ngl,

Kokomi had commissioned smaller pocket versions of ur works (which later got popular thanks to Yae Miko) both the OG and the Teyvat shortened versions

THE HARBINGERS ARE THE MOST DOWN BAD LMAO

Childe has literally tried to recreate battle scenes from ur works lmao

and gets especially riled up about fighting someone who resembles any characters from them (esp villains, what a cutie)

You cannot fathom the amount of research throughout Teyvat that has been secretly or indirectly funded by Pantalone/Tsaritsa

from the experts to analyze them, to funding play companies to act them out, to actually excavating places to get more of ur stuff unearthed

(the Harbingers absolutely are the first group of people that got to read several of ur stories first bc of this, like the world’s most exclusive secret book club lol)

Scaramouche used to clown on Childe all the time about how he was too impatient to even “sit down and read the King’s classics”, and he was downright insufferable when he found out about Tartaglia’s habit of recreating battle scenes/that being what motivated him to fight sometimes lol

that being said, Wanderer surprisingly never forgot ur stories.

Even when his memories were wiped for a bit, he found comfort in these fantastical epics still sticking around, even when his old names did not

(he mayyyy or mayyy nottt have secretly namedhimselfafteroneofthetragicprotagonistsherelatesto- )

oh btw, Nahida also found joy and comfort in ur stories when she was trapped, they also helped her literally grow as a person bc she had ur stories to help her sort of process the world/what life was like outside of her dreaming prison 🥺💔❤️‍🩹

◇

OMFG

ANYWAY FULL TONE SHIFT LMFAO-

the ABSOLUTE SPIRAL-RED-STRING-CONSPIRACY-THEORY-BOARD ENERGY IF THIS WAS A BLUNT LANGUAGE AU LMAOOOO

like specifically how Teyvatians like to give all the context ever thru their words, but older deities/beings like you just do simple phrases that can have deeper meanings (whereas teyvat just explains all the meanings behind their words)

STOP there’s like an official display at the Akademiya and Fontaine Institute of red string theory boards 😭😭 (look what you’ve done to themmm LMAO)

for like every story of urs, INCLUDING THE FANFICS STOP

IMAGINE THE SHIPPING WARS IF U EVER WROTE ONE THAT WASNT EXPLICIT OR LIKE ONE OF THE MAIN ROMANTIC INTERESTS HAD CHEMISTRY WITH OTHER CHARACTERS HAHAHAHAA

that's actually what Akademiya scholars argue about the most viciously, it’s like politics you can’t just bring up ships from ur stories casually in regular convos 💀

(poor Cyno has to deal with a shipping war once a year bc someone always makes the mistake of reading ur work for the first time (without being told to not talk to others abt ships lol) and it starts an all out brawl in the cafeteria every time LMAO)

Also yes.

Cyno is a fanboy.

(he has read Creator x Reader-insert fanfiction.)

(As have most of the characters mentioned, and those not lol)

…

(I'm gonna make a whole Creator x reader fanfic post one day i stg lmao)

☆

an iced coffee? for me?? :0

ok but real talk…

wtf do you guys wanna see for new years!!

i didn't do a inktober/october days thingy bc i felt too unprepared (and bc id wanted to post that 1000+ followers eldritch au for Halloween)

but now i kinda wanna, at least for a few days :o

ill post a poll in a minute, so check it out!! but still, please feel free to comment some ideas here! :)

Safe Travels Deafening Dreamer,

💀♒

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks / @devilangel657 / @esthelily

[satyricplotter]

NSFW Alphabet — Dick Grayson, Jason Todd and Tim Drake

Be warned, I wrote this for myself but it got so long I was like, I gotta publish this, so a lot of the language is raunchy and joking. It's not polished whatsoever. It is also very fitted to my tastes, which isn't necessarily what I'd do for a story. Use of the second person, reader as gender neutral as I could, but I refer to a variety of scenarios with different genitalia.

WC: 6.7k

Triggers and tags discussed or mentioned: body image, biting, breeding, dubcon, noncon, cnc, mutual noncon, sexual assault (as a different category and a reference to Dick's canon) somnophilia, breath play, watersports, scat, blood, bondage, BDSM in general, pegging (implied), dildos, vibrators, toys in general, sensory deprivation, crying, crossdressing, porn, hentai, anal, PIV, cunnilingus, whatever the proper term for sucking dick is, cum, demeaning terms (cum dump, specifically), fingering, masturbation, exhibitionism, voyeurism, age play, pregnancy and birth control, thigh fucking, frottage, edging, cumming in pants... maybe more. I am tired of listing things. Simply beware.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Dick: somehow I don't think he has much time for aftercare. To me this dude always seems a little on the go and distracted by other things. Like, half the sex you have with him is quickies where upon his departure you gotta tidy yourself up, or they're hours long affairs with few breaks to think about moving. In these latter instances, he takes a long, long time to stand up and get moving after you're done. I think he's always secretly waiting for another last round even when it's clear you're both tapped out. He stays in bed and cuddles, uncaring for the drying substances on either of you. Most often he just kisses you, slow and tender, as he holds you. Eventually you gotta kick him out of bed and clean yourself up and then he's rushing to help you.

Jason: my man is methodical. This is His Job and he has His Way to do it. He keeps his bed crisp, towels at hand, water nearby etc etc. He's always the one to wipe you down, straighten you up if there's still clothes involved. You always whine you wanna cuddle a bit and he's like no. You'll get an UTI. Go pee. We'll cuddle after. And you shuffle sadly to the bathroom. The sheets are new when you come back. He dislikes being rushed and not being able to tidy, so you gotta be very strategic when you know you won't end up in bed.

Tim: Tim's a baby. Tim's the one you gotta clean up, the one you gotta lay down and tell him to stay put. He's very bad with being in the moment if he's got something else going on, so you gotta keep all electronics away from him. Mostly you gather him in your arms and run his fingers through his hair, while he absently traces circles on your skin, and then nods off eventually.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Dick: I think Dick really likes his forearms! A dark horse, of course, considering the stellar butt, but that seems to be a little of a sour point. I think he loves his figure in general, and the graceful line of it. For his partners, I'm thinking the waist to hip area—the tummy essentially, but also the lower back. He loooves to sling an arm around your waist and squeeze, loves to nip at the lower belly, loves a good pinch. He just likes grabbing. The sides of your thighs are always marked with his fingers.

Jason: man's an ass guy. He loves to watch that shit bounce. You can't miss with the bending over. He's behind you immediately, a hand on your hip like hey... As for himself, genuinely I think he likes his hands. They've gone through a lot. You can tell they're pretty banged up. But he's a maker, a fiddler—he builds his gadgets, he pulls the trigger. He's so into precision, I think he appreciates them a lot for the tools they can be. And his fingers pumping in and out of you are never a bad sight.

Tim: He's a cop out and would say brain. He likes his eyes best, I think. He doesn't strike me as the type of man who fixates on any part of his body but rather takes it in as a whole, and as such finds it difficult to like, separate it into pieces unless it's for a specific purpose. Oh, maybe his calves. They're nicely shaped. But his eyes are very pretty and he knows they're charming. As for you, he likes tits (big, small, pecs, etc). Just the chest area in general. Big fan of a nipple. Will suck and bite and twist until you squirm. If you're not sensitive, you simply haven't met him. He'll pavlov your nipples to harden upon seeing him and then smile evilly when you complain. A low cut anything is a direct challenge and he will take it.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Dick: nothing will stop this man from coming inside eventually. He'll wear you down talking about how good it will feel to fill you up, or you will eventually come to beg him for it and he'll take the opportunity with no complaint. If you can get pregnant, keep that birth control schedule TIGHT. Nothing he loves more than watching cum dribble out of you. Loves to stuff you with it, loves to rub it over your entrance, loves to watch it squelch as he goes back in to pump you full of more.

Jason: actually very normal about it. He doesn't believe in pulling out, so he wears a condom and disposes of it safely. He does love to cum on your face. That's very much a thing. It's a relatively safe thing to do, and he likes it a lot when you try to catch it all with your mouth but it ends up dripping off your cheek. When your eyelashes are sticky with it—ooh. He knows it hurts if it gets on your eyes, and he apologizes while he wipes it off, but he's already semi hard again so you can't quite believe him.

Tim: if he's topping, he's pretty normal about it. Doesn't feel any type of way about his own cum, though he kinda likes it when you mix it with your own and feed it to him, but that's mostly because he loves your fingers in his mouth. If you're topping (and if you can cum from that inside him), he's suddenly the nation's number one cump dump. Stuff my man up. He can take it. Ooh, he wants to take it. He really, really wants you to blow a load inside him. A lot of the times, it's the feeling of being filled up that has him coming himself.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Dick: he's, like, very into somno, but he hates to bring it up first. The thing with Dick is that he's so good at denying himself things he doesn't care about but the minute he really, really wants something, he struggles real hard not to go get it. And he really wants that pussy (gn). He's the king of guilty fucking. I honestly think he likes being a little ashamed of what he's doing, like it just... Brings flavour to the table. But he's an Upstanding Citizen so while he looks at your ass while you're asleep and imagines what it'd be like if he could just roll your pants down a little and rub the head of his dick against your entrance, he will not speak a word until you bring it up or you find him jerking off over you at the thought of it.

Jason: easiest man to get to sub for you. Doesn't look like it, doesn't wanna admit it, but you get him at the right moment? Oooh baby. He's so easy to unravel, blushing to the tips of his ears and wet all over. You can literally do whatever you like with him in that state. He bounces off your cock (gn) so pretty, though he doesn't enjoy bottoming regularly.

Tim: mfing stalker. He takes pictures of you all the fucking time. You don't know the half of it. And he jacks off to the weirdest shit because it's not so much about how you look in that picture, but the idea of your innocence being corrupted (so corny) (you'd look at it and be like, tim, I can take nudes, you know, you don't have to masturbate to a blurry panty shot taken under the dinner table, you can't even see shit).

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Dick: this is dick grayson we're talking about. Be real. He's been around. He knows his way around the human (and alien, shoutout to my baby Kori) body. Nine out of ten times, he's the most experienced person in the relationship. And not only does he know what he's doing , he's good at it.

Jason: there's about three universes or so where Jason's not a virgin when he meets you. The rest of them my boy's simply too fucked up and/or busy for love, so he just... Doesn't. It doesn't seem to me like having sex was a priority to him, and while I think he regularly gets propositioned, he's the type of dude that just blinks at you until you slink away in shame, so he simply doesn't get laid until he's in a relationship. At most he's fucked two people before he fucks you.

Tim: this is dick grayson 2.0. he pulled steph, he pulled kon, he pulled bernard. He has by far the widest breadth of knowledge about sex, although most of it doesn't come from first hand experience. He hasn't had that much freaky sex, but he knows plenty about it. He's very adventurous.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Dick: oh, eugh, this man think you're a contortionist. He thinks you guys are equals. It doesn't matter how much you tell him he's far more flexible than you, he loves twisting you up into the weirdest positions in the book, and you know what? He's right. You do feel him so much more with your leg up in space and the other one around his ankle.

Jason: doggy. Again, my man loves to watch it jiggle.

Tim: he loves being ridden. Just infatuated with the sight of his cock leaving and breaching your entrance, and your thighs quivering, and how it all gets so wet. I think he'd be more partial to the cowgirl/boy than the reverse bc tits, but yk. Loves to watch you go.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Dick: He's sooooo into getting a laugh out of you with a stupid joke so he can ram into you and watch it catch on your throat. Thinks it's grand. He's the goofiest of them all, but he likes to make you laugh, and doesn't entertain your attempts to be funny. There's only one clown in this bed ☝️ So annoying.

Jason: he can be giggly at the beginning, like laughing into your mouth, but once he gets going, he's pretty serious about it. Not withdrawn, but he doesn't want to joke or, like, have a conversation. He's just laser focused on getting you both off.

Tim: he's alright on the jokes, doesn't particularly bring it to the bedroom. He's a little snappy, but not keen on super goofing around? Rather, I think you'd wanna make him laugh, just to get him to relax, and he'd roll his eyes and scoff but smirk a little. (I'm rlly picturing this with kon rn lmao)

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Dick: he's got himself trimmed and pretty! I think he just cares about looking good. Not his main concern in life, but, you know.

Jason: he's kinda got to groom himself bc I headcanon that the pit let him some after effects so his nails and hair grows really fast. He doesn't like it, finds it a real chore, but it's like a real bush if he lets it go untamed. And he does it himself, of course.

Tim: I don't think Tim concerns himself much with that, but I also don't think he really needs it. He's the type not to grow that much hair anyway.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Dick: he is so romantic. He's the type to whisper things he doesn't mean, not because he's trying to gaslight you into thinking he has feelings, but because he gets caught up in the heat of the moment and also believes those things should be said. He's soft and coaxing, even when he gets mean, and he's very into small gestures in the sense that he holds your hand when you're going to come, he presses a kiss to your temple. Just loving, I guess, even if he doesn't, like, love you.

Jason: he is unbelievably, unbearably intense. You will not be able to shake him off, emotionally speaking. Even when he's trying not to be intense, he can't help it. There is always so much weight and deliberation to his touch. Under his fingers, you feel the skin of your body bloom with heat. And the eyes. Never stops looking. So sharp and heady. You can't look at him for you, but he forces you to look into his eyes when you're about to come, grabs your chin if you don't wanna.

Tim: it depends on how he feels about you. If it's casual sex, he is very casual about it. He's not one to make promises if they can be used against him lol but if he likes you... You can see the saw trap plans he's concocting in his mind to never get you off his dick again just coming alive in his eyes.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Dick: My take is that dick is so funny about this because he so absurdly prefers coming inside you or fucking your thighs or your tits that whenever he can't and has to resort to jacking off, he's kind of churlish about it? Like right at the beginning when he's just starting, you'd just see him pouting with a hand caressing his shaft almost disinterestedly. He's so funny. Then he gets going and comes and is like oh that was a nice experience actually.

Jason: When he begins to jack off while thinking about you, he's ashamed about it for the longest time. It's not the act itself that brings him embarrassment, but the fact that he used to do it kind of perfunctorily, like just... body upkeep, or whatever. A little impatient with it even, just to get it over with. And he didn't think about anyone in particular, just flashes of the stuff he was supposed to think about. Then one day, after he meets you, he's just going at it as usual and the image of you pops into his head. And he can't stop thinking about it. The question of what you look like, how you'd feel under his hands, how you'd sound—it consumes him. When he thinks about you looking at him slouched over his couch, smiling at him and kneeling between his legs, your eyes fixed on him as you offer to help and take him into your mouth—oof. He's never come so much in his life.

Tim: he is so so hot about it. He doesn't think about it that much and is the type to neglect his dick for ages until he has free time and suddenly he has to unleash two weeks worth of cum upon you. So he starts fisting his dick, shuddering at the feeling of finally getting some release, and thinks, I should share this, and starts recording, but because he is evil, he doesn't let you see. He places the phone on his desk (because he's STILL working, he just couldn't hold it any longer), and begins jacking off under his shirt. So you only see his flushed cheeks, the hair covering his eyes, and the way the wet spot on the fabric grows larger and larger as he goes. Near the end that thing's so transparent and sticky you can almost see the angry red head every time it pushes against the fabric—and then he splutters against the fabric with a cry of your name and doesn't even let it dry before he winks at the camera and cuts the video, just as he's going to lift the shirt. Evil.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Dick: well, I already said somno and breeding (I don't think he's into it for the children, like, seriously. Like if you can get pregnant and do, it's not going to be a nice surprise. He'll ride it out! But he's got commitment issues.) And thigh fucking. He's unbearable about it, particularly if you're wearing anything that gives him easy access.

Jason: My good honest man. He likes sense deprivation, I think, but he likes it being done to him. He's almost never not being in charge, however, so it doesn't come up often. If almost like a birthday special to him. He's also very into frottage, but I don't know if that counts as a kink? He likes coming in his pants a few times before the real deal.

Tim: is this a kink? He loves to make you cry. He just really likes bullying you to the point you're bawling. You can fuss and kick all you want, and it just turns him on, because the minute he removes himself, you're whining to have him again. I think that's his favourite way to make you cry, just to edge you unendingly until you're sobbing for him. He also likes age play, but he likes to play the younger part. I don't think quite mommy/daddy stuff (depends on the reader), but a bit of an emphasis on the age gap (think the blurry noona/hyung area in korean, when employed sexually. The terms are not translatable but that's the spirit of it).

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Dick: everywhere. Does not discriminate. Inside the house, I think he likes bothering you when you're chilling in the couch. If your lying down there, he'll starts running up a hand between your thighs and he'll stop if you can't carry on the conversation. Outside, I think anywhere that is mildly risky—possibly the park? Kinda loves shoving you between trees and eating you out, or fingering you. When he comes onto you outside, it's mostly to get you to come so you have to hang out there, all sticky, thinking of him. He gets really thrilled by you running out of patience and pulling him out of whatever situation you're in just so you can go home and fuck. Sometimes you don't even make it home. You "force" him to fuck in a bathroom or in the car — closest relatively enclosed space you can find. He really enjoys those releases.

Jason: the bed. Give my boy his space and his nightstands! But outside that, no joke, the kitchen. It's more often than not his kitchen rather than yours, so he's there most often and it's where you find him and put your hands on him. Also god forbid you take anything out of the oven. He just shows up, takes it from your hands, presses you against the counter.

Tim: no joke loves to have you suck him off underneath his desk. He thinks it's funny when you bang your head against the top lmao but he also just likes to see you cramped into a tiny space and all over him.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Dick: Hear me out. He likes implied corruption masked as salvation. That sounds dramatic: what he likes is the tension between helping you and succumbing to his own desires. He is very often the more knowledgeable, powerful, etc party, he almost always has some advantage over you, and he likes struggling against the feeling of giving you what you want and thereby taking advantage of you. It's a weird, false dichotomy, but he likes playing the hero a lot, and that makes him feel sometimes like what he wants is selfish, which means he tends to be secretive and manipulative in order to get it, and he winds up doing stuff that is suspicious and much closer to taking advantage of you than just being upfront would've been. And he unfortunately really enjoys those times. I associate him a lot with the "I can't help myself from doing this" sentiment. So to answer the question lol, when you look particularly put together and he gets to mess it up, or when you look at him with big, round eyes, or when you look really fuckable and are not aware of it, he really likes that.

Jason: He's a slow goer. You have to seduce him. He likes the motion of that, likes having you come onto him, likes it when you're flirty and a little risqué just for his benefit. Likes when you're self assured, and when you're a little mean with him. He could watch you forever, but to really make him spring into action, you gotta tell him how badly you need him. That'll bring him to your side in a minute.

Tim: milfs. No joke. I think he's pretty attracted to cheery people he can make fun of. Oh, he really likes riling you up. That shit gets him fired up in a second. You're arguing with him and he's got to adjust in his pants, and he won't go down without a fight. He really, really likes bullying you lol He thinks it's so hot when you're annoyed

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Dick: no watersports/scat/blood (vampire universe exempt), and so on and so forth. It's a bit silly that he gets grossed out by it when he's so into cum, but, you know. Another thing is, he can't really be demeaning. It's not that he doesn't want to, but it never... hits? Like, he's unauthentic about it, in a way, and he's much better at praise. So it's not that he won't do it, but that it's a little mid lol

Jason: I don't think he can do CNC. Even if you really wanna, he just can't play the part without going limp. It's not in him to do that to you. He can't bear to hear you plead with him over that, it makes him feel gross and uncomfortable. He'll talk bad to you if you wanna, though.

Tim: breath play. He doesn't like the feeling of his airways being cut off even when he's at his most mindless, it always kickstarts his survival mode, and he can't choke you either because he doesn't trust himself to stop.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Dick: my good man #1 pussy (gn) eater in the house. He will be there hours. His poor cock will weep unendingly and he doesn't give a single fuck. Matter of fact, that first load after he finally slides into you? Best part of the job. Would not like it half as much without the various orgasms he drew out of you. And he's good at it, obviously. Practiced. I think he's also a decent cock sucker (what an image), but he's way more practiced with a pussy.

Jason: he also likes giving more than receiving, but he is soooooo hot when he lets you suck him off. It's the way he can barely hold back, how he falls apart in your mouth. The way his hands fist your hair despite himself, the way he weighs on your tongue. You have to beg him to let you suck him off first, but christ, if it ain't a gift when he acquiesces.

Tim: receiving, I think. I love to think about him sucking a dick, though. Very pretty. But in general, I think he prefers to be sucked off rather than being the one to give. He's fine at it! And he's not one to shy away from it if you wanna, or offer it when in the mood, but he thinks he's better with his fingers anyway, and he wants his mouth free for your nipples.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Dick: he tends to go more for the slow and sensual. It's part of the romantic vein of his style. He gets really close to you. He is also evil and very rarely loses control of himself, so he will fuck you however he wants, not how you beg him to, and because he's got so much experience, he usually has the better idea of how to get you to come.

Jason: i love him. Can't go slow. Okay, technically, he can, but he's got to work really hard at it. He just likes being inside you so much, he slips into that excitement too easily. His way of fucking is very bruising, very felt, much like his feelings. And again. My man loves to watch it jiggle.

Tim: he's the one man who will listen to how you want it. Mostly because he likes being ridden so you're setting the pace. He usually goes for slower rhythms, though, and if he's toying with you, he goes excruciatingly slow. Also knows to speed up exactly when your patience is about to snap.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Dick: again, half the sex he has is quickies so yeah, he likes them lol. I do think they appeal to him as an expression of unbridled want, in the sense of we want each other so much we have no time to savour one another and we still can't help ourselves from having a fleeting taste.

Jason: he dislikes not having time and space to do everything he wants to do, so he is mostly opposed to them. And he is very good at waiting, though the longer he waits, the longer you end up spending in the bedroom. He's also pretty big so he wants to have the room, time wise, to prep you to take him so the slide is easy and pleasurable for you, and the quickies don't afford him the space for that. He'll do it if you come to him real wet, though.

Tim: he thinks they're fun but he's very bad at them in the sense that once he starts doing you, he is very disgruntled that he has to stop. And he always fucking forgets it so he needles you to let him stick the tip in real quick, c'mon, just five minutes and we're done, and then you're having to bite down on his shoulder to pry him away from you before whoever you're waiting for comes in. And he likes the biting, so it's 50/50 whether he actually comes off.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Dick: yep. He's a little more conservative with what he's willing to try, and he doesn't like everything or want to implement it regularly, but he's very open to at least trying it ou. He doesn't come up with a lot of stuff himself, and he doesn't spend time researching on his own, but he'll see something interesting and bring it up next time if he decides he likes it enough to play out.

Jason: Jason has... categories. He's very intuitive when it comes to sex. He kind of already knows what he likes and can go off that knowledge to predict what he will like or not. And he's good at making modifications on things he finds uninteresting to better suit his needs, if you still wanna try. He doesn't like roleplaying in general, for example, but he will pretend you're both strangers so you can pick him up at the bar. Likes bringing you to the bathroom stalls and fucking you there.

Tim: oh yeah. He reads a lot. He's very curious. He'll go on the internet and read manuals, read reviews, take tests, etc. He's also much more likely to fixate on a certain kink for a period of time, or to genuinely incorporate it to his regular sexual life.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Dick: mr. first robin have been a vigilante since i was nine, have never not exercised, etc etc. Yeah. He ain't stopping.

Jason: the fucking pit. He keeps dying and coming back and it's like they pump more cum in his balls every time. Enough said.

Tim: see mr. grayson. I don't know how the spleen affects him, but I doubt he lets it hold him back. He will stop you after a while if you're topping tho. Doesn't like to be sore much. Which doesn't mean he'll stop altogether, you know, he still has a dick.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Dick: he hates your dildo. He's horribly, terribly jealous of it. At first he'd use it to tease you, but then he liked you for real and that thing became his sworn enemy. He despises the fact that he's away so much you have to resort to using it, basically, so it'll always kind of have a place in your bed. He resent a vibrator even more. It's super fucking funny to me. He's game for everything else that doesn't fuck you tho.

Jason: Jay likes gadgets for their ingenuity but I don't really see them coming up too often. A few restraints, blindfolds, maybe a cock ring? He'd like them better if you used some on him rather than him using them on you. He prefers to do the work with his hands and mouth and cock. Good honest work

Tim: I think Tim's game on toys for either participant. He'll make you watch him fuck himself onto a tentacle-shaped dildo, if that's something you're into, and he won't let you touch him. He's a terror with a vibrator, though, particularly if you have a clit? Dude. A remote operated vibe. Anal plugs with tails attached. A fucking machine? Get away from that man. When I say saw trap, I mean it.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Dick: horrible. He is awful. Worst of all because he's also so very sweet, and tender, and he plays the fool to lower your guard, and then you're lying there, gasping around his cock for the umpteenth time because he will not let you come yet and nothing you say breaks his nerve, and he just. taunts you. He's also soooooo into walking around looking delectable and playing dumb about it. Sure, man.

Jason: this one is on me, but I love a reader who's just off-handedly disrespectful to him. I always pair him with the brats lol I think he handles that well, by which I mean he strips it down to bone raw frankness which is heady and intimidating (metaphorically, I mean, but also strips down as in naked, I guess). He's quippy, also, as a general rule, but that's two way banter so I don't count it.

Tim: horrible part 2. See: loves to make you cry. See: Loves using toys on you. See: loves torturing you. His nudes are not even explicit, they're just suggestive, but you know intimately what he looks like, so the mere suggestion is enough to drive you mad. And then his fascination with you is never ending. It's a cocktail for great and tortuous diversion.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Dick: soooo talkative this man will not shut up. You're like, my man, you've been speaking for two hours straight, doesn't your throat need any lubrication? And he's like, you're right and swallows when you come. He's a moaner, I think, but not any louder than average. Will play it up if he sees the neighbour eyeing you in the hallway tho lol

Jason: Grunts and gasps and overall very throaty. He murmurs a lot of stuff into your skin. He's not loud, but his voice is a spear right down your groin. He likes speaking against your ear and sometimes it's all you hear. If you top him, and with some very precise loosening, you can get him moaning so so pretty, but it's pretty rare.

Tim: bitch has the most obscene little whimpers. It activates apex predator instinct on you immediately, like a switch being flipped. It's impossible not to bite him when he starts giving the short, breathy moans. Sounds so needy, and when he gets like that, he can barely string a sentence together, which is just mind blowing considering who he is.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Dick: I think Dick has a COMPLICATED relationship with his body. Perhaps it's me projecting a little because I cannot imagine being such a beautiful man and being able to cope with it. First vector to the issue is the fact that this man knows his body from the tip of his toes to the last strand of hair on his head. He is much more in touch with every muscle in his body than the vaaaast majority lf the world, and he has been so since very early in his life. You know that quote from Ursula K. Le Guin, I think, about how dogs don't really conceptualise their size, and cats are the complete opposite, they know exactly where they begin and end and that's why they seem like water sometimes? And then she says dancers also know exactly what they look like, because what they look like is what they do. And that's exactly him, as an acrobat and as a vigilante both. And though he doesn't care much for it, he also knows exactly how well he is regarded for possessing the body that he does. It is flattering, yes, but it is objectifying also. There's not so much the worry that people won't look any deeper than his looks because well, most of the time he doesn't want them to look, and also his loved ones regularly bypass his handsomeness and treat him as a person, so he knows he can live beyond that. Then there is the matter of his continued sexual assault at the hands of Catalina, and the subsequent objectification she subjected him to for the weeks following that first time at the rooftop, which would irrevocably change his relationship to his body. I don't think she ruins it for him, but he does develop, like, a very deep awareness of the power he holds and how easily that can be taken away. There's a lot of deliberation behind his every move, and when he cannot put that much thought into his actions, he freaks. It's also kinda why I headcanon him being so enthralled by so many dub-conish situations, I think it provides him with a playground in which he can explore the extents of his desires and what acting on them means while acknowledging the harm they may create, thus liberating him from the pressure of the worry or the not engaging altogether. I think an instance of mutual non consent (or plain noncon of you, but I don't think most versions of him have it in them) would absolutely obliterate him, and do a lot of bad to his psyche in a way Jay and Tim could withstand much better. He'd think it a moral failure, in a way the other two could resolve, but he'd never forgive himself. It's a point of no return, for Grayson.

Jason: he finds porn really distasteful. He would honest to god rather pay to watch two people go at it than look at a film. He just can't appreciate it for what it is—the stories are corny, the dialogue is cringe, etc etc. I genuinely think my man is on the aspec to some level. He's got a healthy libido, he likes having sex, but it's very person specific. I suppose I'd say demisexual, but I do think he can have casual sex but it's a VERY rare thing for him to feel sexual attraction like that right from the get go.

Tim: he enjoys cross dressing, but he won't go out like that. It's a very personal thing, to him. He strikes me as a dabbler in genderfluidity. If there's something there, he doesn't really care to examine it. He's good at being a man and he's comfortable with it, too, so there's that. But with you, he can just try it out. Of course it's fun to fuck you with a skirt on, but it's not a sex-based thing. And, unrelated but he watches hentai unironically because man's a weeb.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

I don't rlly understand this question sbhdhd all those suits are skin tight I think you can tell. I assume this is about cock size cuz we all know Dick's got an ass and Jason's vice president of the perfect titties club with nic coughlan so.

Dick: I think he's a little bigger than usual but nothing that'd give you pause. Well, maybe a little. It's enough to think "that's just unfair" but not to be appalled. Very pretty. Leans slightly to the left. It's got some heft to it, but I wouldn't comment on its girth, and it's very expressive (shshdj?). It twitches a lot, is what I mean.

Jason: fat. So so fat. Fat, heavy, and uncut. Coupled with his full bush—instantly mouthwatering. This one does make you blink a couple times in astonishment. The type that makes you say I don't know if I can't take this but by god, I'm gonna try. He probably has to prep you a decent amount before you can both be comfortable with him inside you. It really fills you up, though and the stretch is craaaazy. Also good balls.

Tim: perfectly average length, longer than it is girthy. Oddly straight. Stupidly pink. Rosy as fuck. Looks like he paid for someone to do his blush this morning, etc. Circumcised. The head is perfect, you always fall for it when he asks you to let him put in just the tip because you like it so much.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Dick: high, like, a bit of a concern type of high. The thing with him is you get him started and you both got time? That's your day. Good fucking luck getting out of there. And then he's the sort of man that can't quite keep his hands to himself also, so it spirals pretty fast because it's hard not to want him when you know he's good and tasty and ready for you.

Jason: Pretty normal. He will be the one to say no, let's just cuddle a couple of times. I think he likes the moment of non-sexual affection a bit more, though they are not in competition. He's got a healthy libido and a fuckton of stamina, so it may seem like a lot at times. He'll fall hook line and sinker every time you set out to seduce him, but he'll drag out the start a lot. He's a fan of foreplay anyway.

Tim: Tim can go weeks without having sex if he's got something to be absorbed in. He'll forgo having sex if necessary, as well, even though he likes it lots. It's kind of how like people forget to eat or drink while they're working and then when they look up and realize they haven't eaten since breakfast and it's 8pm they're ravenous. That's Tim. He will blink and the onslaught of pent up horniness will hit him, and he's like, oh I gotta fuck you for several days straight now. You kinda have to needle him to fuck otherwise if he's got a project going on, and he always stops a moment to get you bouncing on his lap, but you're done and he goes right back to work. When he's got free time, he's such a damn distraction, though. God forbid you don't have any time for him.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Dick: Depends on how tired he's feeling. He usually really refuses to go and its kinda cute seeing him fight with himself when his eyelids are dropping and he's barely kissing you anymore

Jason: he stays awake waaaay past you, likes to watch you as you sleep against him or beside him

Tim: very, but again, you gotta cradle him and lull him

[neil-gaiman]

Hello Neil, how are you?

You get a lot of asks about how therapeutic good omens is for the queer community, and I thought you should know there is another therapeutic effect for this show and this fandom. I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling like this and I hope I will be able to explain it in a way that will do justice to the point I'm trying to make (English is not my native language).

So to the point - good omens have helped me significantly with my eating disorders and body image problems. I'm here lurking in fandoms for at least 15 years, most of them fantasy and comics related. And almost always the main characters are young, very fit with perfect bodies, whether in movies and TV or fanfiction. For years I have struggled with not being able to fit my body to the beauty standards of society and western culture. I don't want to trigger anyone so I won't elaborate, but I did everything I could and it never was enough. Therapy was very important and got me to the point I don't hurt myself anymore, but my mind still couldn't believe a person who looks like me can be attractive or romantically lovable. Then I got to know the good omens fandom. Where you chose to show characters that doesn't see food as the enemy or the pleasure from it as ugly or wrong. That can have love and support and being comfortable with themselves regardless of any 'gut' they 'need' to lose. And it continued and magnified in season 2, with your plot and casting choices. But also the fandom of good omens have helped immensely to enable the change in my perspective about myself. The way people talk and write about these characters and their relationships allows me to feel better about myself. It's amazing how reading stories about different types of bodies being accepted and considered as beautiful can make the reader feel more appreciative and even learn to love their own body. I wish I could see more of it on mainstream tv, movies and books.

So thank you neil and thanks to this entire community, for helping me learn how to accept, love and treat myself better.

I'm so very glad.

[strongheartneteyam]

A New Beginning.

Pairing: Neteyam Sully x female!human!reader/female!avatar!reader

cw: lots of fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, slightly sexual language, kissing, hugging, tsaheylu is mentioned, TRIGGER WARNING for brief talk of death (of Reader's human body), Jake and Neytiri being the best in-laws ever

@anika-rose-walker Here's your request after ages lol I'm so sorry, boo 😅

I changed the plot from what you asked a little bit (Neteyam and Reader are already together, instead of confessing to each other throughout the story) bc I had already written the beginning of it when I went back and read the rest of your request lol I hope you don't mind. I love you sm and I hope you like it, my lovely Kayla 💕

PS: in this story, going through a transference of consciousness from a human body to an Avatar is not as dangerous as it used to be because it has been done many times before. I have no idea if it makes sense but pls just go with it for the sake of it being easier to write 🥲 my wrist hurts so bad 

na'vi words: tsaheylu (neural bond that the na'vi make with their mate), yawne (beloved), yawntu (loved one), paskalin (sweet berry), muntxate (female mate), muntxatan (male mate), oeyä (my, mine), sevin (pretty), tawtute (human)

Not proofread. Sorry if some parts are a bit off but I can't fix it rn lol

༉‧₊.

The suns of Pandora were shining bright in the sky that day but nothing was brighter than your smile. You were overcome with happiness as what you had been anticipating for so long was finally gonna happen: you were getting your own Avatar, a body that would let you experience Pandora without that damn oxygen mask that held you back, not letting you breathe the fresh air and worse, not letting you kiss your na'vi boyfriend Neteyam unless you two were inside the lab. You were the daughter of one of the best scientists of the laboratory so you always spent a lot of your time there, but Neteyam was a busy young man and he couldn't visit you at the lab everyday which sucked. You were so addicted to him that spending even a single day without feeling his plump blue lips on yours, his soft and wet tongue lapping and sucking on your tongue felt like a kick in the stomach. You truly felt lovesick whenever it happened. Talk about a strong love and being needy for someone.

You were walking through the Omatikaya mainland, where all the people's huts were, and looking for your boyfriend. You hadn't told him you were gonna get an Avatar. You wanted it to be a surprise. Your brain could not comprehend that you would finally be able to make tsaheylu with Neteyam. Tsaheylu, man! Imagining being able to feel his affection for you through the bond, his need and desire, feel the pleasure he was feeling as the two of you mate… that felt otherworldly and so incredibly exciting. It's a connection beyond what your human brain could comprehend, honestly. Only your na'vi brain would be able to fully understand it.

Neteyam ended up finding you before you could find him. There was a sea of tall blue aliens around.

“Sevin tawtute!” He called out to you loudly, his voice excited 

When your ears heard that beautiful voice and your eyes saw his large figure, you ran to his arms and held him tight, your head only reaching his waist, so much taller he was than your human frame. You wondered the height difference you two would have once you were Dreamwalking.

“Oooh! I'm glad you're this happy to see me, muntxate!” Neteyam put his big hands on your head and pet your hair softly.

“Teyam, I got something wonderful to tell you!” You looked at him, as happy as a kid who just got a gift they'd been waiting for ages to get

Neteyam got down on his knees to cut your height difference almost in half.

“What is it?” He smiled, his fangs charmingly touching his lower lip

“My father just told me earlier today that my Avatar is ready.” Your eyes shone like stars in a dark night sky 

“Your what?!” His striped blue face betrayed his surprise

Neteyam's heart started beating fast. Was his yawne truly telling you what he thought she was?

“Are you serious, princess? Why didn't you tell me about it? My Eywa…” he chuckled, still incredulous 

“I wanted it to be a surprise! I wanted to see this beautiful surprised look on your face, muntxatan.” You look so cute. I love you so much.” Your eyes started to water

Neteyam smiled even wider. He took your oxygen mask off and quickly used both his large hands to grab your face and crushed his lips against yours, before putting it back on again.

❦︎

You opened your eyes and your vision seemed to be better as you tried to get used to the bright white artificial lights of the Avatar first testing room in the lab.

“How are you feeling, (y/n)?” Your hearing was surely much sharper as you heard those words coming from a nurse's lips in a much louder volume than you would in your human body. 

You moved your fingers and raised your hands up next to your face so you could look at them. Your fingers were blue and your wrist had some bioluminescent freckles on it. God, your skin looked much more beautiful now than it did in your human body. You were afraid you were already liking this body much more than your original one.

Your focus was so much on your new experience in your Avatar that you forgot to answer Julia's - the nurse - question.

“Can you hear me, (y/n)?” You got out of your trance and finally looked at her 

“Yes. Yes, I can! Really well, by the way.” You smiled at her. Your fangs touching your lip was a new sensation, a really cool one.

After the scientists and nurses ran some tests with you on your new Avatar, you finally were able to change from your hospital like clothes and went out of that cold room wearing some dark jeans shorts and a simple white sleeveless shirt made of a cotton like material.

You saw Neteyam sitting in one of the brown sofas in the next room. His beautiful face looked tense.

All his tension faded away as soon as he saw you. His pretty yellow eyes shone as he took your appearance in. Neteyam didn't think he could ever fall even deeper in love with you but that had just happened.

“Oeyä muntxate… you look breathtaking. Oeyä sevin yawne…” he walked slowly towards you, still enchanted by the sight of your Avatar body

Neteyam held you by your waist, bring you close to him and gave you the most tender of kisses. You kissed him back, your lips almost trembling with happiness and affection. Neteyam tasted your mouth, his tongue licking not only your tongue but your fangs too, exploring your new na'vi body. He loved how similar you were to him now just as much as he loved the differences between the both of you when you were in your human form.

❦︎

Some weeks passed and you had never been more happy. A short period of time lived being able to Dreamwalk and kiss Neteyam in the woods, on the Sully's hut and in any other place you wished to brought you much more joy than all the years you lived before.

You and Neteyam were standing in front of the lab. You two were about to say goodbye and you would wake up in your human body. But there was a feeling inside of you that you had been haunted by for some time now and it was getting harder and harder to fight it. You finally spilled it out.

“I think I wanna leave my human life behind and become one of the people. If they will have me. If you will have me…” somehow you felt insecure, as if you forgot how happy Neteyam got whenever you were by his side

Surprise was all over his face.

“Are you sure of what you're saying?”

“Yes, I am. I've never been more sure of anything in my life. I know it seems sudden… I'm tired of being human… I'd much rather be your mate and learn archery, learn to cook na'vi recipes, worship Eywa, participate in the sacred rituals, run free in the woods instead of worrying about human social rules, live among artificial lights, eat junk food - don't get me wrong, you know I love some good hamburgers” Neteyam laughed at your remark “but fresh hunted meat, seasoned with herbs and wild spices tastes much better. Also…” You looked into his large feline eyes “I wanna spend more time with you, I wanna live in our own hut… I wanna be always by your side, my Teyam. I hope you don't find me too needy.”

“Of course not, yawntu. The more you need me, the better ‘cause I need you too. So much.”

He stole a happy smile from you with those words.

“And, yawne… How could you ever doubt if I will have you be na'vi and always be with me, live in our own hut? Darling, that's all I've ever wanted. Only Eywa knows how many nights I've talked to her, wishing that it could happen one day.” His voice was full of heartfelt truth

You breathed out, relieved.

“We can talk to my dad about it. He's been through it himself before, I'm sure he can be of great help.”

You nodded and smiled “Okay.”

❦︎

After Neteyam took you to talk to the Olo'eyktan of the Omatikaya tribe, his dad Jake, his tired face lit up and he smiled, showing no teeth or fangs at first.

“You sure of it, kid? It's a big deal. Your human body is gonna die and that can be really traumatizing to your head."

“I know, Mr Sully. I've thought about that. I can deal with it if it means getting to live as one of the people forever.” You said sternly 

“You're also gonna make a big commitment by becoming na'vi. You're gonna have to learn to use weapons, to hunt, to be fearless. You're gonna have to prove yourself worthy and go through your Ikinimaya before being truly considered one of the people. Are you up for it?” He looked like a mix of a father giving some life lessons to his kids, like a military chief of some kind and like a fierce leader. All three were indeed a part of him.

“Yes. I will do my best to prove myself worthy of becoming na'vi.”

Neteyam watched the two of you, some tension inside of him, as he felt like maybe his father was being too harsh on you, but he also knew he was doing what he had to as the Olo'eyktan and as someone who had once made the same decision you were making now and knew very well what he was talking about.

“Then you have all my support!” Jake finally smiled wide and opened his arms towards you “give me a hug, kid.”

You gladly walked until you got to where he was squatting - not that far from where you were sitting cross legged before - and hugged your father-in-law.

Neteyam smiled too.

“Thank you, Dad.”

When it came the time to talk to Neytiri, things went smoother than you had imagined. It seemed like a dream, in all honesty.

“You do whatever your heart tells you to do, paskalin.” Neytiri smiled at you “I believe Eywa herself chooses every human who decides to become one of the people. How could you say “no” to a request coming from the Great Mother?”

Your brain could not come up with words to describe how happy and relieved those words coming from your mother-in-law made you.

❦︎

Talking to your dad broke your heart a little. Your mother had died and you were his only family now.

“I just don't wanna lose my little girl.” Your dad was now sniffing. You felt bad as you never saw him cry.

“I'm not leaving you, Dad! I'm gonna visit you all the time! You're always gonna be my Dad. And you can always visit me when you have some free time, too.” You tried to comfort him by holding his hand as the both of you sit in your bed, in your bedroom

“I know. It's just not gonna be the same. And I'm gonna miss your beautiful human body. I'm gonna miss the girl I've raised since she was a little child.” You felt a stab in your heart. You honestly had not thought how much of a shock it would be to your dad to see your human body die. You felt a little selfish.

“She's still gonna be here.” You touched the place where your heart was, inside your chest “My soul will not change. I'm still gonna be me.” You looked into his eyes, trying to convince him of that

“I know. I just want you to be happy and if that's how you're gonna find your true happiness, I'd never try to be on your away.”

“Thank you, dad. I love you.” You hugged him and he felt a little better

You eventually broke the hug.

“I want you to come to my transferring of consciousness ceremony. Can you try and find some time on your busy scientist schedule to come and see your daughter wake up in her new body?”

“I wouldn't miss it for the world!” He gave you a supportive smile

The next step would be your transferring of consciousness ceremony. Mo'at seemed utterly happy to perform it. She wasn't that affectionate but you could read her feelings in her big amber eyes.

That night you slept in peace, knowing that the next time you would go to sleep again, you would be in your then permanent na'vi body and inside Neteyam's arms, your mate, the love of your life, probably making tsaheylu, as connected as you two could ever be. As one.

♡

Taglist:

@criticallybella

@yeosxxx

[cheezeybread]

GOUDA!

DROP A PART TWO OF YUU OVERBLOTTING AND MY LIFE IS YOURS!

I'm not gonna lie, I was already drafting up a part two just for sillies hehe

I love writing characters to their breaking point, isn't it just the best? <3

As usual, Trigger warnings include crass language, possible violence idk, etc etc!

This ain't proofread lol

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

As the days passed by, the change around campus was...very noticeable. No one could function as well as they should have. Students were making reckless mistakes in class. Not passing tests, not even writing their own names on assignments, forgetting exam dates, putting ingredient A in a potion mixture instead of ingredient B.

The strangest part was the lack of magic in the student body.

For the Housewardens, especially, it was concerning. At first, the other students theorized that they weren't using magic out of some sort of protest for YN's conditions. But then, said students realized that they couldn't use their magic, either.

Professor Trein explained it best at the staff meeting a week after your episode.

"Magic is tied in directly with emotions," he had said, staring down at the table with an unusual air of solemnity "It isn't uncommon to see cases of powerful mages losing control of their magic after their partner passes away, or some other event. It's the main reason why scientists theorize that overblots are caused not only by an overuse of powers, but rather, mainly due to an excess of pent-up pressure inside a mage's heart."

"I don't know if you know this, Professor Trein," said one of the Mathematics teachers with an air of superiority "But this YN is not a mage, nor a magic user, at all!"

"He's not talking about YN in this case, you insolent dog!" Crewel shouted out, banging a fist on the table. Once the math teacher went silent, Professor Crewel cleared his throat and raised a hand to his mouth, attempting to regain his composure. His mood had been rather soured as of late...a result of his stress about the whole situation "I don't know if you know, but this meeting is not only about YN, but about the significant lack of magic in the student body! No one can use it at the moment. I'm not quite sure how you missed that."

"So...the students can't use their magic because of...emotional distress?" Coach Vargas suggested.

"Precisely," Trein nodded "YN has had quite an impact on all of the students at this school, whether we'd like to admit it or not, mainly due to the pressure Crowley put on them to step into other's problems," he cast a scornful look towards the Headmage, who looked suitable flustered "They've made friendships and bonds with the entirety of the student body, and even those who aren't friends with them are friends with those who are, so they're effected, as well."

The students were worried for different reasons.

While the staff was meeting, the Housewardens called their own meeting. Even the elusive Malleus managed to join them, and Idia came in-person, for once. Since the staff was holed up in their regular space, the Housewardens decided to gather in the Mostro Lounge. Surprisingly, Azul offered drinks free of charge, just this once. But no one felt too thirsty.

"I'm worried," Riddle started by saying, tapping his fingers against the side of his water that he hadn't taken a sip of.

"That's quite an understatement," Azul sighed, pushing his glasses up as he leaned back in his chair "No one else has been able to use their magic yet, have they? Not your students or anyone else?"

"No," Leona shook his head, looking greatly annoyed at this whole meeting. Although everyone could tell that there was an underlying emotion of concern on his face.

"Well, has anyone managed to talk to YN?" Kalim looked tired and worn-out, his normally sunny disposition replaced by an anxious look "Me and Vil tried to go to their dorm this morning with some of their favorite foods, but they didn't answer the door..."

"No, only Grim opened the door," Vil drummed his nails on the table, his brows furrowed slightly, unconcerned about the risk of wrinkles on his skin.

"Grim?" Interjected Idia "What did he say?"

"He only said that they weren't hungry..." Kalim shook his head "He- he said that they haven't slept hardly at all since it happened, waking up screaming after a few minutes whenever they have slept."

"And they haven't had anything to eat unless Grim could manage to force it down their throats, practically," Vil cleared his throat "He said that YN isn't talking to him, either, though. They're barely acknowledging his presence."

"But YN loves Grim!" Exclaimed Idia, looking bewildered.

"...Most likely, they merely need some time to themselves," Malleus said softly, speaking for the first time that meeting "They've been through so much, due to our mistakes as well as Crowley's. While we weren't the main cause of their stress, we undoubtedly had a great effect on it."

The Housewardens were silent, all thinking of the stress they piled up on you, all of their overblots, some of which they hurt you during. They had all made their mistakes. They had never once given you a proper apology, had they? Simple sorry's were said, but actions spoke louder than words, and their actions were minimal, at best.

"I say we try our best to apologize," Spoke Leona, as if he could hear all of their thoughts. He had the same one, after all. "And then we'll string up the Headmage by his shitty mask and fingertips and leave him for the ravens to eat."

They all agreed heartily.

════ ⋆★⋆ ════

You were terrible, a Grade-A mess.

Ever since your breakdown, you had been certifiably done with this school. Holing yourself up in yours and Grim's shared room, sitting on the bed staring at the wall.

You couldn't bring yourself to speak to Grim, feeling embarassed for the way you acted, but mostly feeling bitter traces of resentment towards him for his part in this mess. Although you knew the grudge was something you would have to get over sooner or later. Poor Grim had done his best to apologize in the only way he knew how, after all.

Saying "sorry" wasn't his style. The most he could do was not be a total pain. Seeing you not eat anything, he had brought you some of his hidden tuna cans, trying to balance a fork in both of his paws- without opposable thumbs, he made quite a mess after dropping it several times- and feed you. You tried your best to please him (although pleasing people is what got you to this point in the first place), opening your mouth and accepting whatever he could manage to get up to that level without dropping.

After you finished off a can, Grim looked at you with a sad look, and scurried off without a word.

When he saw you not sleeping, he tried to make you comfortable, bringing you whatever blankets and pillows he could find. The ghosts tried to lower their voices when speaking, and didn't try to scare you like they normally did. But you couldn't sleep. When you first fell asleep, you woke up to a sharp pain in your hand, discovering that you had been screaming and smashing your fists into the mirror over the mantle-place, the same mirror that had shown you visions of the Great Seven's tales. Grim had raised the Nurse's office and brought back band aids and disinfectants, while one of the ghosts did his best to patch up your hand.

After that, you tried not to sleep at all.

A week later, you found yourself drifting down the stairs to the lounge area, your head feeling a little lighter than it had before. Were you starting to heal? No, healing would take the effort of you unpacking everything instead of having a breakdown and shutting yourself off to the world. But maybe this was a sign that you could take the first steps to recovery.

Grim was overjoyed by your movement out of the room, taking it as a sign that you would be okay, finally. He tried to feed you one of your favorite foods out of a tupperware container- mentioning that it was brought over by Vil and Kalim- but you took the fork yourself with a smile, and ate a bite before your lack of appetite got the best of you and you had to put the food back up.

The doorbell rang, a deep, long sound. Did you feel like dealing with people? Maybe so. You'd have to start somewhere, somehow.

As Grim eagerly- yet cautiously- followed you to the door, you unlocked it and opened it, peering around the corner.

There stood all seven Housewardens, their eyes collectively wide at seeing a pale, (and frankly) sick-looking YN.

It was Vil who gained his composure first, bowing his head gracefully.

"Dearest YN, we have a letter for you. We thought it best to allow you to read it yourself, so you can have some time to think over it without any etiquette-worrying." The blond held out a folded piece of paper, and you slowly took it from his unsteady hand.

"Thank...you," you spoke quietly, your throat still recovering from all the screaming you did seven days ago.

"We'll take our leave now," Vil cleared his own throat, casting you a small look before he made a sweeping motion with his hands, turned around, and walked off of the property with the other 6 housewardens.

Watching them until they faded out of sight, you leaned up against the doorway, not bothering to close the door as you unfolded the letter and began to read

--

"Dearest YN, this letter is a collection of our thoughts for you. We as housewardens realize the amount of pressure that you have been through, and we regret that we were unable to see the signs sooner.

Throughout this school year, we began as seeing you as something less than. You were merely a magicless human, after all, who wasn't even able to be sorted into a proper dormitory. Instead, you were forced into babysitting a dire beast in an abandoned, trashy excuse for a building (pardon the insults, it really is a lovely dorm thanks to all the hard work you've put into it). Despite having no magic, you were expected to take classes, which added coursework into all you had to worry about. Crowley continued to make you work for him to pay off the imaginary debt he believed you to owe the school for bringing you here against your will. And then we, separately, went through intense overblots, hurting you physically and mentally, as well as forcing you to solve our own problems and unhealed traumas/resentments.

We leaned on you wholly for support. But we never stopped to think of your own wellbeing. A magicless human amongst mages and students, you were obviously in danger at every turn, yet we didn't offer to assist you with learning proper defense techniques. We expected you to solve all of our problems and disputes, because, after all, that was what we believed you to be there for. It was what you were good at, so we allowed ourselves the selfish pleasure of using you for your talents at healing us. You were overworked, everyone dumping their schoolwork on you knowing full and well that you wouldn't say no to someone in need of assistance.

We are all very sorry, and know that our words cannot heal what you've been through. We know that you miss your home, and we haven't been providing you with any comfort in making this place your home-away-from-home in the meantime.

So please accept our offers to help you now, if it's not too late.

Any coursework you have trouble with, I'll help you with. You've helped me to see that I'm only human, and I shouldn't be expected to achieve perfection. The loudest person isn't always the right one, YN, sometimes it's the most quiet one that has the most important opinions. Just like you.

-Riddle

Anybody that gives you any trouble, I'll make sure they're on the menu for our next barbecue at Savanaclaw dorm. Because of you, I can see that despite being a second-born, I can be something great, so long as I don't hold myself back.

-Leona

If you need a suitable job for pocket money, Mostro Lounge always has an available spot open for you. If that's not to your liking, I'd be more than happy to find you a job that's low-stress yet still provides enough of a paycheck for you to be satisfied with. Contract-pending, of course. Due to your interference, I know that I'm good enough, even without stealing powers and such.

-Azul

Anytime you need to destress and relax, give me a call! I'll happily help you anyway that I can, whether it's helping you with your workload or anything! Just name it! I'm at your service- just think of me as your humble servant! :D Thank you so much for your help with Jamil, I'm so sorry he trapped you in Scarabia for most of Winter break! You've given me a chance to really be his friend now, and for that, you deserve anything I can give you!

-Kalim

I can now see that being number one in the world isn't everything...I shouldn't be so stressed over everything that the public thinks in comparison to me alongside LeBlanche. I should simply be myself, as beautiful and perfect as I can be. The same applies to you, YN. You are beautiful and perfect in your own right, and should never look down upon yourself. Anytime you need a spa break or assistance with Alchemy, consider me your go-to.

-Vil

You've helped me be a little bit more social, better in public. You never made me feel like a freak for my interests. I'm sorry I can't say more, I'm totally blanking on the spot right now- but rest assured that I'll totally be making a bunch of technology for you to use, that way you'll be way more powerful than anybody else, even without magic!

-Idia

The Headmage is locked in the basement of Diasomnia

-Malleus Draconia

And as an additional note, we would like to officially claim that we believe Crowley's claim of it being impossible to return you home holds little to no merit...we shall be investigating this matter rigorously on our own time, until we discover a way home for you. If, The Great Seven forbid, we cannot find a solution, each of us are willing to accept you with open arms and make sure your time in this world, even after school ends, will be nothing short of amazing.

With all the love you deserve,

Vil (and co.)"

----

The letter made you smile so wide that your cheeks started to hurt. As you got further down, then began to reread it again, your eyes began to water, tears dripping down and landing on the paper.

Soon enough, you were a sobbing mess on the floor, the letter still gripped in one hand. But you were still smiling, despite the tears.

"YN! YN, Are you okay??" Grim asked worriedly, shaking your arm with a concerned look. He hadn't even called you his hench-human since the incident due to his concern for you.

You opened up your arms and wrapped up the cat-creature in a hug, burying your face into his fuzzy back. He made a small yowl of surprise, but didn't try to pull away.

"Not- not yet, Grim," You choked out, sniffling "But I will be."

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

[bambisnc]

fairy of shampoo [or, holding hands w riize]

pairing : ot7 x reader! genre : fluffiest fluff 2 ever fluff cw/tw : none! (some arent really hand holding im sorry guys ://) wc : 0.6k

seunghan : he's a simple guy but he's also a hopeless romantic; big sucker for interlinked fingers and all the symbolism that comes w it <3 his grip would be so, so gentle though.. unless on rare occasions you happen to trigger his slightly possessive streak where his fingers would unintentionally tighten around yours.. wouldn't hesitate to show off him holding your hands to the source of the jealousy~

wonbin : hand holding patterns would definitely differ but mostly he'd stick to the simplest kind : your hand over his (or visa versa if he's feeling particularly babygirl/wants to be comforted by you).. he's the kinda guy who'd gently stroke your knuckles with his thumb all the time but the second you do it to him he ends up so flustered.. (side note he probably swings your hands tgt when you're out on a walk or something ;-;)

sohee : i saw this one twt post where they said that he seemed to not be that used to physical touch and was slowly getting used to it with his members ... so i feel like he'd maybe be a bit hesitant, shy to initiate proper hand holding straightaway; but would still want to feel connected to you .. hence, interlocked pinkies <3 also whenever he can he'd raise your hands to his lips and place a lil kiss right on the tip of your finger,,

anton : hear me out - he gets kinda hyper excited when you're around him and because of both of you being busy with your respective works you don't really get a lot of time together.. but there's so much he wants to show you, to experience with you.. this is what leads him to grab ahold your wrist and almost feverishly drag you places + it gives him leverage to be able to casually bite your arm (it's his love language) once a while ._.

shotaro : prefers to keep his arm around your shoulder whenever he can rather than holding hands which is adorable but guys... he's a head bonker trust me..... likes to bump your heads together (like a littol bunny ;-;) when he has his arm around you. also it makes him feel overall really fuzzy and warm inside to think he's kinda "protecting you" and keeping your pretty head comfy as well,, adores the fact that this position more often than not ends with you having an arm around his waist >///<

sungchan : he's an all or nothing guy and if it's you he physically can't go nothing; therefore he must have one of your hands in his while your other rests on his arm. yes he knows that means your hands won't be free to carry/hold on to anything else but hey what else is he here for?? steals whatever your holding and holds out his hand to you like oh you want to hold something too? here, hold this for me please ^^. yeah i know it's my hand and what about it D: ?

eunseok : he's different he's not like other guys huge fan of wrapping a hand around your waist because he's generally not a huge fan of a lot of pda but this provides him a secure position right at the edge of casual affection, intimacy and can we go to the other room and makeout :/ please :/ this probably started out as just teasing you but he actually likes how he's kinda subtly making it known that you're each others' <3 oh and loves that he can tickle you whenever he wants :p

notes : haha. mai. mai hey if u see this im begging u to take away my motivation rn please the history textbook is calling out to me please </3 /lh... + the coloured text realllyy isnt visible on light screens huh. fml + [m.list]

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

want talk about how important have AAC in your language.

language of birth country, of family, big language, so many native speaker, even more second third learned language speaker. but, even that, is language not often seen in robust AAC apps develop by western countries—because not one of big western countries.

there only one robust symbol based (or TTS tbh) AAC app have that language: TD snap.

which mean. must make it work.

how important it is have AAC that fit your needs: right grid size, right motor plan, right access support (switch, eye gaze, etc), right editing, right symbols, right color & color coding & contrast, right everything. n so much of this, actual need, and not preference.

which why there so many english symbol based AAC apps, each with different logic to where words are, how word organized, what symbol use, what editing feature have, all backed by their research & tech development… you get choose. if one app not right for you, have others. sometimes is prefer one over other, but other times is, some apps unusable for you, conflict needs for you, cannot understand it (e.g touch chat for me).

TD snap organization not work for me. core word not enough, fringe word organized not fit way my brain work, n overall not enough words that match own daily life.

but have to make it work. because it between this, or not communicate in words with family & with world in country where everyone speak this language.

so, am deleting everything, all words, all boards, & remake, reorganize. trying make it work. begging make it work. pay no mind how it take tens even hundreds of hours (years in making, still not finished). …it my only option.

n, this lucky case scenario—

people who cannot, or not allowed to, edit their AAC in such big way. people who cannot use that sad one app that contain your language.

or, especially: there languages & speaker of those language who need AAC but have no AAC because there no AAC that support their language.

their voice robbed.

but that not all. for longest time still not able use AAC in birth country language. because have no voice go along.

want talk about how important have useable voices in AAC in your language.

in gender that reflect you, tone & personality that reflect you, pronunciation & accent & everything that reflect you.

using voice that not used to, already feel like speaking through someone else mouth. very odd feeling—it you speaking, it you communicating, but it coming out of someone else mouth, in their voice, not yours. where yours?

even with voice that like, still take me while fully connect with voice. with voice mere tolerate, always feel discomfort, not fully mine. with voice that opposite who you are?

averse. rather not talk at all.

not willing choice. but physical reaction, recoil, hate, uncomfortable deep under skin, disgust.

between acapella voice group & IOS voices, there maybe 5-6 voices for birth country language, all very gendered, middle age “karen” sounding, robotic unnatural, unclear, hard hear what trying say, tele-announcer tone. 5-6, but somehow all sound same.

and, make no mistake, 5-6 badly made ones. is lots. other languages, have 1, or 2. or none. this, lucky.

so, not communicate with words at all. completely nonverbal all the time, so gestures, noises, grunts, is what left. need parents with 24/7, because other don’t know why not talk, don’t even know can not talk, don’t understand what mean with all these body language noises/-n, by the way, parents is part reason have cPTSD, but have be around them, because nonverbal high support needs, what can you do, what other option you have?. and, still, frequent meltdowns n tantrum—because often no one understand.

have words that cannot use. in language that itself is trauma trigger.

today, found that apple/ios now expanded voices for birth country language. so many now! so many also have enhanced & premium options, that come with ios, no extra cost. so many different personalities, tones, inflections. and, sound so natural.

cried. because. finally may able communicate with words in birth country language again.

don’t know how explain to people who, never had go through forced silence, how important and huge and even life changing this is.

won’t take away communication disability, won’t take away other AAC difficulties, won’t take away trauma, won’t make birth country language any less of trauma trigger, but—

it there when ready.

—to all my AAC users who speak language that not commonly supported by robust AAC apps on market. especially those BIPOC, those diaspora and those from the country. those who speak language with few speakers. especially those nonverbal nonspeaking who have no other option. those who cannot type, who can only use symbol base AAC, so effectively stranded without one that support their language. love you all, see you all, even if AAC companies don’t.

[shakespeareanwannabe]

As You Wish, Epilogue

Summary: When arriving at Camp Silver Star, Abby Floyd was anticipating a summer of adventure with an ocean separating her from the three people she loved most: her mom, her Uncle Bob and her Aunt Natasha. But after a run in with Charlie Seresin, an extremely familiar looking and irritating camper in a different cabin, her summer plans take a turn that neither girl ever could have expected.

Trigger Warnings: reader's children are described as being blond with green eyes because genetics are wild and Jake's genes are strong, reader is canonically Bob's sister (but biological relation is never discussed), reader goes by Buttercup and is tattooed, references to babies, swearing, extreme happiness and sappiness, talk of babies, talk of pregnancy, talk of PPD

Seresin Family Ranch, Clifton, Texas, Twenty-Two Months Later

The pictures from the day would be displayed on walls, tucked into photo albums and pulled out to coo over for years to come, and a few would even manage to make it into a country living lifestyle magazine. There were the typical shots, of course. The bride and bridesmaids getting ready, the best man and groomsmen standing around while drinking with the groom, the ivory lace dress hanging against the lilac walls of the home office that had been deemed Team Bride Headquarters. Reminiscers would talk about how sweet the groom’s surprise mimosa brunch was, and some would sniffle over the handwritten love letter that the bride had given the groom to read on the morning of their wedding, preserved so carefully between the plastic protective pages in the photo album.

What the photos wouldn’t be able to tell them, however, was just how excited and nervous the bride was on the morning of her wedding.

The day had dawned more perfectly than anyone could have predicted. The birds were chirping, the Sun was quickly warming the ranch landscape, and the men in the field outside her window were giggling like schoolgirls as they played a round of Dogfight Football, shirts versus skins. The two foam footballs were flying back and forth, and the old aviators were showing Javy’s high school football players how they played football in the Navy. Those boys had been recruited to put up the tents, set up the chairs, and decorate the new barn with all the décor that had been so painstakingly chosen, but Buttercup couldn’t bring herself to be mad about the delay. They were all having fun, they had several hours to put up the décor before guests began arriving, and, more importantly, Jake Seresin was looking particularly good in the morning light. She could see his muscles rippling under his sun kissed skin as he pretended the football in his hands was a grenade, pulling the ‘pin’ with his teeth and tossing it over his shoulder, sending Javy, Bradley, and Mickey to the ground with the force of the ‘explosion’.

“Ugh…” Natasha muttered, appearing at her side to stare down at the impromptu football game from Buttercup’s office window. “Remind me why they get to be outside playing football and we have to be up here, getting poked and prodded?”

Buttercup giggled and let her curtain fall back into place. “Hey, Jake offered you a spot on Team Groom. Don’t blame me for choosing Team Bridesmaid instead.”

Natasha scoffed. “Like I would choose that dickhead over you.”

Buttercup rolled her eyes and turned from the window, her eyes catching on the clock that hung above her desk. They were two hours from showtime, and she felt her nerves catch in her throat before sinking to reside low in her belly.

“Watch your language, Nat.” Buttercup’s voice was soft, but with a biting edge that spoke to her anxiety.

“Seriously?” Natasha rolled her eyes.

“Oui,” Genevieve quipped, standing from the hair and makeup artist’s chair and sweeping towards them, looking like she had stepped out of the pages of Vogue. “I will not have my son picking up such nasty language.” Gen stooped to gaze down at six-month-old Mathieu, asleep in his Pack N Play.

“I hate to break it to you, girl, but your son has been hanging around ranchers, football players, and aviators since birth. If his first word isn’t a curse, I owe Mickey twenty bucks.” Natasha’s infectious laugh had a smile pulling at Genevieve’s stern frown.

“Non,” she replied with a loving look down at her son. “He will be soft-spoken. Like his father.”

Natasha’s voice dropped to a comedic whisper as she leaned towards Buttercup. “Has she even met Bob?”

This time, Genevieve couldn’t help her laugh. “Yes, I have met my husband, now stop distracting me. We have to get the bride dressed for her big day now.”

Natasha nodded, suddenly completely focused on her role as Maid of Honour. “Get over here, Buttercup. Let’s get you into this thing.”

Buttercup nodded and sighed before shrugging off her silk ivory robe, willing herself to relax as Genevieve and Natasha helped cinch her into the lacy ivory A-line dress. She looked…different. She felt different. Life on the ranch had changed her. She had loved her life in London, and she always looked forward to that quarterly week-long visit, but she hadn’t realized just how much it had taken out of her until she was looking at her old life from afar. The rainy weather, the big city, being asked to write and edit in a cramped office…it hadn’t been for her. She had made it work because she had needed the change, but she didn’t miss it. No, the Texan sun, the small-town living, the freedom to work and write from home made her feel more like herself than she had in years. And the man she woke up to every morning played a huge part in that.

She and Jake had started out living in separate rooms, but it hadn’t lasted long, especially since they often found themselves sneaking into each others’ rooms for some quality, private, adult time. But even when they were in separate rooms, she would wake up to find he had left a bouquet of flowers outside her door, or her favourite breakfast prepared in the kitchen. In turn, she left him little notes to find throughout the day. A scrap of paper in his Stetson that told him how much she loved him, a blue sticky note asking him out on a date stuck to his computer screen, a folded piece of paper under his pillow detailing how much she ached for him. Their marriage councillor helped them work through any remaining issues and communicate in a healthy way when they fell back into old patterns. Their family therapist helped the girls work through how they felt about everything, ensuring that they wouldn’t get their hopes too high in case things fell apart again. And they didn’t. Every day, their relationship grew and strengthened into something that couldn’t be shaken.

Six weeks after moving to Texas, Buttercup moved into Jake’s bedroom. Six months after moving into his bedroom, they dropped their marriage counselling to once every three months. Three months after that, Jake took her out to the gazebo, ate chicken parmesan with her under the stars, got down on one knee, and asked her to marry him. She had agreed through her tears, and they celebrated with 3 a.m. grilled cheese and a bottle of beer. And now, after almost a year of planning, she was about to become Mrs. Seresin again.

The ivory gown flowed around her feet as Geneveive expertly began lacing up the corset-style back and Buttercup held back her tears as best she could. She felt beautiful, worthy of standing next to Jake at the altar.

The door to the office opened and Abby and Charlie strolled in wearing their peach-coloured junior bridesmaid dresses.

“Oh my god…”

“Mum…”

Buttercup smiled tearfully at her teenage daughters. “Do you like it?” The girls had unfortunately missed out on wedding dress shopping because they had been at school while Natasha accompanied Buttercup back to London for a joint shopping/work trip.

“You look so beautiful,” Charlie sniffled, treading softly into the room to stand next to her mother.

“Like a fairy tale princess,” Abby tacked on, cuddling into her mother’s side and being careful not to smear her makeup on the light fabric.

Buttercup hugged both her girls close and smiled at them in the mirror. “I love you both so much.”

“We love you too, mom,” they chorused as a flash went off and Maryanne smiled at them from the doorway, lowering her phone.

The slightly older woman was already dressed in her rose-pink coloured bridesmaid dress and had been put in charge of wrangling the boys until the ceremony.

“Okay,” she clapped her hands. “Reuben has successfully trapped all the groomsmen in the cabin to get dressed. Javy’s football team have set out all the décor, Penny and Amelia are double and triple checking everything to make sure it’s just right, and the photographer is with the boys to get some candid shots. The officiant is here, the caterers are all set up, and the bartender is just arranging all their gear. DJ is in the barn and guests should start arriving in the next hour or so.”

Buttercup sighed in relief. “Maryanne, I don’t know what we’d do without you.”

“Don’t worry, honey,” she smiled as she took a seat on the plush couch on the corner. “We’re all here for you.”

As Buttercup gazed around the room, she felt a rush of love wash over her. This was her family. She had both her daughters in her arms. Natasha was as close to a sister as she had ever had. She felt so blessed to have Genevieve as her sister-in-law, and Mathieu was the sweetest nephew she could have ever asked for. Maryanne had been her rock through the whole wedding planning process, and Buttercup was more thankful than ever that both Mickey and Reuben had been able to be home for the wedding. The whole Daggers Squad had been able to make it out to the wedding, and Buttercup knew that, within the hour, the ranch would be swarming with people from Clifton, friends from London, acquaintances from the book world, and Navy personnel.

Buttercup sniffled as she smiled at the women in her life. “I love you all.”

Nat squeezed her shoulder and grinned. “We love you too. Now let’s go get you married. Again.”

Jake gazed around the crowded barn as friends and family from around the globe ate and drank and danced, and he felt at peace. It was a strange feeling, especially when he was surrounded by people, but it only spoke to how much he had changed since he had first been called to Top Gun. Back then, he had been all about himself, screw anyone and anything that got in his way of being the best of the best. But he had changed. Falling in love, being a dad, getting divorced, and working his way back into his Buttercup’s life had altered him on a fundamental level.

Speaking of, his beautiful bride was sitting next to him, leaning against him while nursing a tall glass of bubbly as their friends tore up the dance floor.

“Have I told you today just how beautiful you are?” he murmured, leaning in to nuzzle her ear.

“Maybe not in words,” Buttercup grinned up at him. “But your tears while I was walking down the aisle definitely got the message across.”

With a low chuckle, Jake reached around and gave her thigh a quick pinch through the lace of her dress. “Brat…” He rubbed the spot, soothing the sore as he kissed her cheek. “You’re the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.”

“Much better than the first time, right?” she giggled, placing her glass down to curl further into his side.

“I don’t know…” he teased. “I really liked that white sundress you wore in Vegas.” His smile grew as she scoffed and whacked him lightly on the chest. “But you deserved the big white wedding, and I’m really glad we were able to pull this together for you.”

“For us,” she corrected. “After everything we went through, we deserve a big celebration.”

“Mmm, agreed.” Jake nuzzled against her lips and kissed her softly, slowly. The crowd and the chatter and the music faded into the background as something inside of Jake settled. He felt lucky, so very lucky, to have her back in his life, and he would do whatever it took to keep her for the rest of his life. “I love you, Buttercup.”

“I love you too, Hangman.”

“Alright, you two, break it up.” Javy’s voice broke them apart and Jake rolled his eyes.

“Excellent timing, Coyote, as per usual.”

“Fuck off, man,” his Best Man chuckled. “You’re the one who put me in charge of making sure that y’all stayed on schedule. And it’s time for the bouquet toss. The DJ is gonna announce it at the end of this song, so I wanted to give you a heads up.”

“Shoot,” Buttercup sprang up and smoothed her dress. “Okay. Are you ready?” Javy nodded and she smiled so brightly at him that Jake melted. “Let me go get the other bouquet and I’ll get ready.” She bent down to kiss Jake softly before scurrying off to get the duplicate bouquet that she would be throwing.

“How you feeling, man?” Javy clapped Jake on the shoulder as they watched her go.

“Like the luckiest son of a bitch alive, Javy,” Jake returned the gesture as he stood. “What about you? You ready?”

“I’ve been ready, man,” Javy laughed. “I just hope it works out okay. Because if it doesn’t…” Javy flinched. “Shit man, that would suck for both of us.”

Jake laughed as his green eyes watched his wife trek to the middle of the dance floor. “It really would, man. But we’re not going to think like that. Thinking gets you killed, remember?”

Javy laughed and nodded. “It really does.”

“Alright, everyone, if I could get all the unmarried ladies onto the dance floor, please! It’s time for the bouquet toss!” the DJ called over the crowd, and the men dispersed while the ladies formed a loose ball behind Buttercup. All the ladies except Abby and Charlie, who ran over to the sweetheart table to hug their father.

“Hi honey.” He pressed a kiss to Abby’s perfectly styled hair. “Hey you punk.” He repeated the action on Charlie’s hair, still perfect but differently styled.

“Hi dad.”

“Hey old man.”

Jake rolled his eyes and hip checked Charlie. Some things would never change, and he loved that about his relationship with his daughters. Charlie would always be his little punk, always giving him a hard time and sassing him. Abby, on the other hand, was sweeter and more likely to curl up next to him to watch a movie. They were so different, and he considered himself to be blessed for getting to watch them grow up the last 22 months.

“You ready, Uncle Javy?”

“Born ready, girlies.”

Javy slowly walked to the edge of the dance floor as Buttercup pretended to throw the bouquet once…twice…before turning and handing it to Natasha, who looked like a deer in the headlights.

Buttercup hugged her friend tightly as she leaned in to whisper, “Just don’t break up with him this time, okay?”

Natasha’s face was the picture of confusion as Buttercup backed away to join her family at the sweetheart table…until she spotted Javy walking towards her purposefully.

“Don’t worry, Phoenix,” he murmured, a nervous smile playing at the corners of his lips. “I asked permission to do this at their wedding.”

“To do what?” she sniffled and hated herself for it. Natasha Trace did not cry.

“To do this…” Javy pulled out the green velvet box and knelt on one knee. “Natasha Trace, you are the biggest pain in my ass. You show me up in everything, you’re smarter than me, and, yeah, you were a better flyer than me. But all that makes me do is want to be better for you. I made a boneheaded mistake 13 years ago, and I have spent the past two years or so trying to make up for it. But I can’t wait any more. So, Phoenix, will you do me the honour of marrying me and putting up with my sorry ass for the rest of my life?”

Natasha couldn’t fight the tears as she nodded. “Yeah, you pain in the ass. I think I will.”

The crowd roared and cheered as Javy slipped the engagement ring onto Natasha’s finger. Charlie and Abby bolted away from their parents to congratulate their aunt and uncle while Rooster grabbed a few flutes of champagne from the bar and handed them to his friends.

Jake chuckled and picked up their own flutes, passing one to Buttercup before wrapping his free hand around her waist from behind and nuzzling into her neck.

“Did we make the right choice?” he asked.

“Oh yeah…” Buttercup sighed and leaned into him. “We put them through Hell. The least we could do is give him permission to propose at our second wedding.”

“Definitely makes it more memorable than the first,” he chuckled, watching Rooster, Bob, Mickey and Reuben hoist Javy up into the air. “No more shotgun weddings for us.”

Buttercup hummed, pressing her pink-painted lips to the rim of her glass. “That depends on your definition of shotgun wedding.”

Jake blinked. “What do you mean?”

Buttercup blinked back at him, joy and worry warring in her eyes. “Well, one definition is a last-minute wedding, one with minimal planning.”

Jake’s brow furrowed. “Yeah, that’s what I meant. I don’t care what kind of wedding they want; they’re not having an Elvis impersonator marry them in a Vegas wedding chapel. They deserve better. We deserved better too, but hey, at least you can drink this time.” When Buttercup didn’t speak, he felt worry begin to gnaw at his stomach. “Buttercup?”

With a sigh that rocked her body, she placed her glass down and turned towards him. “The second definition is when a couple gets married because the girl is pregnant. And…and I actually can’t drink this time.”

Jake blinked once…then twice. “But…you’re drinking right now?”

Buttercup shrugged shyly. “It’s sparkling grape juice. Unfermented. Non-alcoholic.”

Jake blinked again. “Does that mean…are you…are we…?”

Buttercup ran her hands over the lapels of his suit jacket. “I know we didn’t plan for this…but we haven’t exactly been careful either. And-and I know that you’re probably really worried that I’m going to relapse or something, but I’ve been talking to my therapist, and she recommended someone who specializes in PPD, so I booked myself an appointment and she’s going to help me make sure it doesn’t happen again. Or, if it does happen again, that I’ll have strategies in place to make sure it doesn’t get too bad and—”

Jake pressed a firm kiss to her lips, holding her tight and close as she melted against him. “Buttercup…” His voice was ragged from their kiss, but it held so much love and hope that she felt herself fall even further in love with him. “Are we having another baby?”

She sniffled and smiled at him. “Yeah. In about 8 months, we’ll have another baby Seresin running around the ranch.”

His smile was so bright that it was infectious, and Buttercup couldn’t stop herself from kissing him again.

“I love you so much, darlin’,” he murmured against her lips.

“I love you too.” Buttercup giggled as she wiped her lipstick from his mouth.

Turning towards the dance floor, she saw their family weaving their way towards them. Bob had his arm around his wife, looking down at his son like he held all the answers to every question. Rooster was being towed along by Charlie and Abby, who had him by the hands as they dragged him away from the bar and towards the sweetheart table. Javy and Natasha were strolled behind them, looking so in love that it was almost sickening.

“Buttercup? Can we not tell them yet?” Jake wrapped his arms around her from behind and cuddled her close. “I kind of want this to be our little secret for just a little longer.”

Buttercup smoothed her hands over his arms, folded so tenderly, so protectively over her abdomen, and could think of only one thing to say. “As you wish, honey. As you wish.”

A/N: And that concludes As You Wish, a strange little Parent Trap x Top Gun Maverick AU with a stupid amount of The Princess Bride references. I just wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for sticking with me through this fic. It's been my passion project for almost a year, and you all got me through it. Thank you for every comment, DM, reblog, and like. It means so much to me that you liked this story as much as I loved writing it. Much love to all of you! (Now someone cue up Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield so we can all jam out at Buttercup and Hangman's second wedding!)

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[spookypete-94]

Difficult Gratitude

GhoapxFem!Reader

Story I've had in my head for awhile now, and just needed to press it out finally.

Reader is female medic. Takes place during the mission of Soap getting shot. Implied established relationship between Soap and Ghost already. Reader very good friends with Soap, and Ghost still learning how to accept it. More then likely medical inaccuracies. Its fan-fiction after all. Will be a longer read, I didn't want to split it into a series (since in the process of writing one already) so strap yourself in. Trigger warning for smut towards the end. Language used as well. I started this about 345 this afternoon and just finished right around 10 pm, so I hope you like it lol..

MNDI!

Blood. Working with it every day made it seem not as grotesque to you as it used to be. The mass amount of it surrounding Johnny however, made your heart stop and breath hitch. He was lying in a large pool of it. You could smell the iron and wasn't even on top of it yet. Even with your nervous system short circuiting, your legs carried you as fast as you could to him. Sent with a different group of soldiers and TAC agents, you were kicking yourself in the ass for not urging Price for you to go with him and Johnny.

Kneeling over you saw a gunshot wound to his temple.

"Fuck," you hissed out pulling on the straps of his vest trying to get it off.

"He's gone." Ghost grumbled next to, as he had already been kneeling over Johnny. Ignoring him, you continued, laying your head on his chest trying to hear a familiar thump-thump.

Nothing.

You began to cut his t-shirt pulling an AED out of your bag.

"He's gone." Ghost said louder, next to trying to swat your hands away.

"I have to know I fuckin' tried." You snarled up at him matching his tone. Your eyes narrowed and teeth still bared at him. Fully looking feral.

The reaction from you makes Ghost scoot back, allowing you to do as you wished. Sure, you had worked with them for years now, but you've always been cheery and sweet. Sickeningly sweet, Ghost had thought. You wouldn't say you were close with Ghost, but Soap had always tried to make sure you knew you mattered to him. Out of all the unfortunate work you had to do, he was the beacon of light out of it all.

Ghost sat back, looking at Price who had approached finally. As the AED went to work, shocking Soap every so often after your set of chest compressions. Taking the time to start wrapping his head wound while it would scan him again before sending another shocking volt. Ghost finally looked up to Price, a silent plea to make it all stop. He couldn't handle watching his lover's body jolt one more time on the ground. After about 5 minutes total, you felt arms pick you up around the shoulders dragging you away.

"Thatsa' enough," Price grumbled into your ear.

"No!" you yelled, arms and legs flailing. "'M not done yet!"

"You've done all you can." He said arms on your shoulders as you put you back on the ground still holding you back. Looking at you like a father would after they had lost their beloved pet. Your eyes searched Price's as they welled with hot tears. The silence was broken however, as the AED machine made a beeping noise still connected to Soap... A faint noise and a line matched a heartbeat being read.

Pushing Price out of the way, you grumbled to him, a voice now full of gravel as you fought back the tears. "Call for a fuckin' bird." Kneeling back next to Soap, you could feel eyes burning into you. Refusing to look up you knew they belonged to Ghost. But you would be damned to meet him as you prepped Soap to be able to fly. Pulling an IV and a blood bag, you started hooking them in, all while watching the faint green line praying the cadence continued.

**********************************************

The flight back was rocky at best. You stayed with Soap, other paramedics now with you helping in all the ways they could. Task Force 141 not too far off as they watched their struggling brother.

A curtain was drawn splitting them off as a vent was used. Your worry came true as you watched the green line grow fainter.

"Losing him," someone said as they began to bag his airway until the vent was ready. You stood next to him at the side ready to start compressions again if needed, until another strong arm pulled you away again.

"Let them, you've done plenty." Gaz said soothingly trying to hold you to his side.

"I'm so fuckin' tired of you guys," you snapped fighting back once more.

"As your Captain you need to step back. Your nerves are shot. Compressions have taken it out of you." Price said pulling you back further away while on the bird. "Sit your ass down." Forcefully he pushed you down as he ran the belts to contain you in your seat. "I know this is hard for you, but you need ta' remember this is hard on all o' us righ' now. The entire medical team is back there, sit your fuckin' ass down." Accent getting thicker as he commanded you to sit still, all while trying to control his anger at your behavior.

And you couldn't help it. You slouched forward on your knees as the tears finally spilled over. "He's my best friend. The best one out of all of you." You said, your tone wanting to inflict pain back at them for pulling you off the resuscitation team. And the part that made you feel guilty was that none of them argued because they couldn't.

"He is," Price said agreeing with you, kneeling at your level, brushing your hair to the side of your face before doing the same motion again. "What will be will be now... You've done more then enough." You held your face in your hands, keeping the sobs at bay, refusing to fall all the way apart at the seams.

Ghost standing back and watching it all, heart in his throat feeling as if it was going to leap out his mouth and to his feet the entire time. Unable to say or do anything.

**********************************************

Everything else was a blur once landed. Peeking through your fingers, you watched as Soap was rolled out on the gurney. Ghost not too far away in tow, following the man he loved be rolled away towards the surgery room. Price unbuckled you once they were fully out and in the building. Was he worried you were going to chase after? If he hadn’t forced you to sit and calm down, you'd of been the one rolling the bed itself.

Seeing Gaz's hand reach out you to take it, standing up and letting him pull you into a hug.

"Proud of you." He said squeezing you, thankful you had fought back against Ghost and Price to save his friend.

Finally, you broke off the hug, heading towards the building and the surgical bay. Your footsteps felt heavy, but honestly you walked so quietly. Like if you made a singular noise, God would find you strike you down with lighting for fighting off the Reaper who was supposed to take your friend.

Having to take this walk many times with other patients you knew where to go. And to no shock to you, Ghost sat in the same hallway outside of the surgical bay already. Picking a seat across from him, you sat down and interlocked your fingers together and placed your head within it again. It pounded and hurt, fatigue finally settling in after your adrenaline rush.

Feeling the same sensation of the eyes burning holes into you again, but you refused to look up.

Ghost sat there in turmoil. He wanted to say something, to say anything. His tongue too heavy, as if it was made with the same lead that had struck Soap. Instead, he sat across from you, and searched you for any sort of emotion. Is that sleeping feral beast still in you? Would you snap at him again for trying to stop you? Or was that sickeningly sweet girl back...

Gaz and Price, both joined you both not too long after that. Both quiet.

Your knee now bounced with anxiety.

**********************************************

Somehow you had fallen asleep, head rolled back and leaned onto the edge of the chair. Blaming it on the adrenaline dump, you would never have been able to fall asleep in such an uncomfortable position and piece of furniture if you could call it that.

A light squeeze of your knee from Price as the OR DR. came walking through the doors to speak with you all.

"Bullets out and breathing with a vent for the time being." Ears perking up as he told you all. You shifted up higher in your seat, ready to pay full attention and ask questions where needed.

"Is he awake?"

"No, he will be in a medical induced coma for a bit until swelling goes down in his brain. Sleep will be the best method right now, and better pain management."

"Do we have a recovery window?"

A silent shake of his head, "No I'm sorry miss, this was an extremely evasive surgery and time will only tell with this."

"Can we see him?" Ghost asked, standing up ready to follow.

"Yes, you can see him. He won't be able to acknowledge you are there, but part of him will know."

The Dr. turned back to you, arm now on your shoulder.

"You should be proud of yourself. Your efforts are what saved him. No doubt a medal should be given in your honor."

The last statement inflicting rage. "You think I did this for a fucking medal??"

Oh, the feral beast in you was definitely sleeping and not dead. Ghost thought, as Price stepped in-between and you and the Dr. blocking your path from mauling the medical professional.

"Thank you, Dr., We will find him back there." Words rushed as he tried to send the Dr. on his way.

Gaz and Ghost slipped past the doors, waiting on the other side as Price tried to have a calming conversation with you.

"You gotta' keep it together. He just saved Soap." He said trying to comfort that angry monster lashing at its enclosure.

"Did you hear him?? I would give anything for Soap to be bullet free. Didn't do this for honor, I did it because he’s, my friend." you hissed back to Price in an angry whisper.

"I know, I know. Was something a muppet would say, but try to keep it intact yeah? I know what you mean and why you're angry, but none of us thought we would even get this far."

And how you wanted to correct him, none of them thought you would get this far, but you bit your tongue. No need to be spiteful. Soap was still on this side of the earth.

Walking in and seeing Soap in this condition was almost as hard as seeing him in his own blood. His head was fully shaved down, proud mohawk gone. Face was so pale from the loss of blood, but his chest raising and lowering even if it wasn't directly on his own will, made you feel at ease.

All picking a corner of the bed, and pulling up a chair, you sat up at Soap's upper left. You scanned his face for anything but knew that wouldn't come for a while. It stayed like this for a while before Gaz spoke up.

"Remember that time he broke the course record for clearing a building?"

"Was thinking about the time he did it and accidentally stepped in a small trash can and continued with it stuck to his foot." Answered Price laughing lightly, pulling his hat down over his eyes. You all knew he was hiding the descending tears.

"How he always calls us "Goat Heads", across the radio." You said lightly laughing, wiping your face. It was a stupid joke used in the place for "Go Ahead" meaning go with you radio traffic.

"The time he told me he could fix my problems if I took my mask off. How I knew I liked him." Ghost said, his hand running back and forth across Johnny's tenderly. You blinked looking away from the action, feeling as though you should never see something so delicate come from both men.

It continued like this for a while, telling small things that you remembered about Soap that had struck you. Until it was finally late in the night. You rubbed your eyes that were sore and raw from emotions that had racked up throughout the day, almost into the next.

"We should get some sleep. Ghost, I'll have them bring in a cot for you." Price said getting up extending his hand for you to take. Not wanting to be rude you took it, letting him pull you up. You gave Johnny a slight rub to his shoulder. Ghost might have been up and staring at you intimidatingly at you had it not been for the new fresh salty tears that pin pricked your eyes again.

"Night," you finally muttered to them all before stepping out and heading to your room. Your heart panged and beat against its cage. Once in your room, you stripped of your blood covered clothes and lay on the bed, turning and wailing into a pillow. You needed Soap to pull through.

**********************************************

Every day you took the time to visit Soap. Spending hours upon hours there with him. Taking in a radio so he could listen to his favorite music, sometimes rotating that to his favorite movies on a tablet. Ghost had come to figure out you knew a lot about Soap. It made him wonder how close you really are, if anything causing a spark of jealousy.

Ghost was angry, wanted to tell you that Soap's quality of life was your fault. Wanted to tell you that because of you, who knew if he would wake up from this coma. The Dr. had advised that they had stopped giving the medication to make him sleep 2 days ago... and he still hadn't woken up. Oh, how he wanted to say it was your fault that he was lying in this bed, unable to speak and move... but the alternative of his Johnny laying in the ground 6 feet deep, still unable to speak or move factures his heart more, so he kept his mouth shut. Instead, he holds on the small piece of hope that eventually Soap will open his eyes again.

It was hard for Ghost. Day in and day out he had watched as you did Soap's physical therapy. Instead of being out in the field as a working medic, you stayed back as his primary nurse. No one argued with you. Not even when Price left to continue his hunt for Markarov. Price had benched Ghost and you worried your emotions would get the best of both of you. In fact, if Ghost would of said all of those mean, hurtful things about it being your fault Johnny was bed bound, Ghost wondered if the dragon in you would wake again. He hadn't seen it since that day but knew better to question its status of it still being there. It would burn him alive if given the opportunity, and devour him whole. Ghost could feel the anger seep off you sometimes and wondered if you were thinking back to that unfortunate, bloody day. Did you hate him?

He sat in the chair next to the bed watching and listening to you talk to his Johnny. Raising his arm up and down to stretch the muscles so when he did wake, they weren't as stiff.

"I miss you stealing my pudding off my food tray. Wouldn't complain if you swiped it ever again, would just give it to you."

What else would you give him? Ghost thought darkly. There was no doubt that Ghost thought you were in love with Soap. Listening to all the stories you had, sometimes your favorite ones over and over. Now you were over at his right arm, picking it up, setting it back down.

"Thought about the time you were trying to help me pick a dress for the military ball, and said I would never take fashion advice from someone with a mohawk..." You said a whispering laugh afterwards. Honestly that made Ghost smile as well, but he would never tell. Thank God for this mask. The thought washing over and over in his mind.

"Soap?" The way you had said it made Ghost perk up. Looking up finally seeing your face change. It was full of curiosity. Your eyes flashed to Ghost's locking with his telling him something was for sure up.

"Soap, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand again." Ghost watched as the shells to his blue eyes fluttered, trying to open.

"Oh my god, Ghost," you said quietly, extending Soap's hand to him to take.

He took it from you, quickly.

"Johnny?" And he felt it too. A slight squeeze. "Johnny," Ghost cooed to Soap, causing the hand to squeeze over and over. A rhythm. Squeezing Ghost's arm, you slipped past him, running out the door asking for Dr.

Finally, blue eyes faced the world and locked with brown ones.

"Mornin' Si." Johnny croaked out squeezing his hand even harder.

**********************************************

Soap's recovery was lengthy to describe at best. The Dr. finally learned the extent of the damage to Johnny's brain from the bullet. Thankfully, most of it was only physical. Soap had to relearn how to walk and only struggled with words periodically. Ghost would work with him on his speech therapy, and you helped him with his physical therapy still.

Soap was persistent spending 2 hours with you every day. Ghost sitting back and playing overwatch, he had to watch the 2 of you interact. Your sweetness fully back. He watched as Soap would place his hands on your hips goofily smiling as you would pull them off and place them on the bars instead of the railing so he could support himself- you know like he should be instead. Something had happened to his Soap. He would lean in and smell your hair affectionally. He never did that before. Ghost knew Johnny still had eyes for him, still loved him. It was one of the things Johnny made Ghost practice saying first. Somehow Ghost couldn't help but wonder if this injury had rewired his brain, or maybe because he had almost died, he wanted all the things he could have out of life. It still hurt him to watch.

Your anger with everyone had mostly died off once Johnny had woken up. Johnny was all the good things out of this job, he was what made it worth it. If he had died, a large piece of you would have been buried with him. Maybe that was your fault for not being as close as you should be with some of the others... putting Ghost into a different light for you now.

Giving it a shot, you asked Johnny about things about him and Ghost. A way to bond and a way to test his memory. Where was their first date, his favorite thing to do with Ghost. And every time, Johnny answered with calling him Simon. He never once called him Ghost because that's how Johnny knew him. In away Ghost got to learn about you, interacting with Johnny, and you got to learn about Ghost. Johnny told you were his best friend because you were fierce and protective. So was Ghost. You stood up for what you believed in... and guess what so did Ghost.

**********************************************

"Didya' hear tha news, bonnie?" Johnny asked looking down on you as you helped him to the rails. He could do it on his own, but it was your part in PT to make sure he got there and didn't fall down. Policy.

"No, what news?" Your voice is light, airy, still a stark contrast to Ghost who sat in a chair not too far off.

"Makaraov is bagged and tagged." He said proudly, grinning. "Price and his team got him yesterday afternoon.

"No kiddin'?" Your world spinning off its axis for a moment.

Johnny gave a slight nod, hands bracing your hips again and pulling you into him giving a hug. His head placed on top of yours.

"What a fucking relief," you punctuated out, sighing heavily. The urge to cry hit you again but you fought it off. Instead, finally locking with the brown coals of Ghost's across the room. The first time you felt like he wasn't trying to set you on fire with a glance.

"Cannae hurt us again." He said into your hair.

"Thank God." you said the hot droplets finally falling down your face.

It stayed like this for a moment before you took a step back, hands bracing Johnny while you looked up at him and over at Ghost.

"Got news for you both too." Ghost stood up and approached to better join the conversation.

"I bought a piece of land, bought a tiny house, and I'm stepping out."

"You're leavin'?" Ghost asked crossing his arms over his broad chest.

"I can't do this anymore..." you explained feeling like you were being torn apart underneath a microscope. "What happened to you Johnny, changed me. I don't think I can do the job anymore... I have nightmares still." you admitted. Ghost's body language softening, shoulders rolling down, hands resting next to Johnny's who still gripped the rail. He didn't even think of the mental affect that it had on you too. Another thing you unknowingly had in common.

"Ya' cannae leave..." Johnny said hurt in his voice.

"You still got me, can't get rid of me that easily. I'll stay in contact. And you're doing great, I'd say you'll be fully recovered in no time."

"I'm comin' with ya'. Visit for a bit until I'm fully released."

"Johnny..." your voice light.

"No, yer ma' nurse. Cannae leave me. Si?" He said looking over at Ghost. Johnny knew Ghost would give him the world and never say no.

"Would be nice ta' get outta here, until he's ready to go." Head turning back down to you.

You sighed. "Fine, way to invite yourself, Johnny." You teased, smiling and shaking your head.

The happy blue eyes and toothy grin was worth it... even if you felt like space was being forcefully invaded.

You are glancing over, entranced with Ghost's smoldering brown eyes next.

**********************************************

The piece of land you had bought was in the middle of nowhere. Surrounded by tall pine trees, a clear vessel of water cut through it. Mountains towered in the back, ironically 4 of them. You had named them Price, Gaz, Soap, and Ghost. Feeling like it fits all of them somehow. Even though you were stepping away from it all, it was comforting to know you had something like them with you still. The air was crisp and clean, something you have not had in so long. No smell of a medical room, no smell of tar and tang from firearms. No smell of blood.

It was a good change... peaceful. Something you needed. You arrived at your new home first, readying it for your 2 guests. You decided it was best to put them in the master bedroom. A king size bed for 2 large men. How ironic that you bought it for you, and it won't even be used for you on the first night you have access to it. Once that bed was dressed for them, you made the guest bed. Finding the joke funny you were a guest in your home. Honestly, you were excited to have this transition with someone sure... but you knew things were off with you and Ghost. But if Johnny was here it had to be ok. You would make it work.

They arrived before noon. You went out to assist, but Ghost stopped you at the front of the truck. He opened Johnny's door, standing there to help him if he needed it, but Johnny climbed down on his own and teetered out with a cane.

He grinned his notorious smile at you. Large white pearls, blue eyes squinting with glee.

"Look at you," you said proud of him.

"All on my own." he crooned.

Stepping inside, you showed them around your tiny house. Not a whole lot to show them but wanted them to see where they would be sleeping and where the bathroom was less. The bedrooms were on opposite sides of the house. Theirs to the right when they walked in and through the kitchen. Yours just to left.

"Pretty close to the door... and far from us." Ghost said in the direction to your room.

"Don't think anyone will be looking or finding us out here."

A light rumble leaving his chest as he looked back down at you. It made your stomach burn. What kind of noise is that?

"If she gets lonely, she can just come join us, Si." Johnny said over his shoulder peeking into your room.

It left you baffled. Sure, there was some touching from Johnny, but you had always brushed it off to how he was altered from his injury.

Your face looking from Johnny, back to Ghost. Staring back at you and not saying anything. Strange behavior.

"Your guy's room will be over here." You said, leading them through the kitchen and into the master.

"Nice size room for a tiny house," Ghost concluded looking around.

"Nice size bed for us too," Johnny said. Not wanting another weird comment, you stepped away for a bit. Grabbing 3 glasses and a pitcher of lemonade.

"Why did you get a tiny house?" Ghost asked, "All this land, coulda had a big ol’ house."

"Always just pictured it as me. Don't need a lot of space."

Again, Ghost stood leaning against the door frame realizing you were more alike than you thought. You plan on being alone... just like he had until he met Johnny.

You watched an arm of Johnny's sneak around Ghost's waist, and you once more diverted your eyes. Did physical touch really bother you all that much? He wondered.

**********************************************

The night eased its way in. You spent most of the day still trying to get settled into your new home. You all were outside now underneath the stary sky.

For dinner you grilled steaks with an assortment of vegetables and mashed potatoes.

"Bett'r cook then yer' a medic." Johnny said in-between bites. "An' 'ats sayin' sumthin."

"Don't talk with yer mouth full." Ghost scolded. He had taken off his mask earlier in the day. You had seen him without it before, but it was hard not to look at him. His angled jaw, a broken nose from who knows when or what, a scar that runs over his mouth... but he was beautiful to you. It was your turn to burn holes in him.

He knew you were looking at him but took a page out of your book refusing to meet your eyes, trying to let you feel comfortable with him... for Johnny's sake.

Johnny started talking to Ghost about what they could do during their visit, leaving you to get up and take the dishes inside. Stealing a moment for yourself, you ran hot water and washed the dishes. You heard the door open, but knowing it was one of them you continued.

It wasn't until a large hand brushed your hair to the side exposing your neck. That was what made you turn around to look but was stopped feeling 2 arms pin you against the sink before pushing you back into it, leaving you stationary. Lowering their head down to the side of yours watching your shirt get tugged to the side exposing a shoulder. A warm kiss graced your shoulder before their mouth came back up to the side of your ear.

"I've never thanked you for it all," Ghost's voice rumbled in your ear, making you look up and out the window seeing Johnny at the table looking up at the stars. Your heart jumped and fluttered. Any much longer you were going to need the same AFib you had saved Johnny with.

"I'm grateful for you and all that ya've done. He loves you... And think I'm startin' to."

Thump-thump was what you were looking for Johnny's chest about 3 months ago. If someone were to stop and listen to yours it would sound like a double drum. He kissed your neck, before pulling your shirt back up on your shoulder and giving your shoulder a slight squeeze.

You didn't look back up at him as he slipped back outside sitting next to Johnny wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Standing there dumbfounded for a minute, you grabbed 3 new fresh glasses and a tumbler of good whiskey for the occasion, not sure if you were going to be brave enough to step outside. So, you took a couple shots from it yourself to make sure you would have the courage to join them again

**********************************************

It was here you found yourself laid bare in front of them in the warmth of the fire.

Johnny made the first move, pulling you into his lap after his 2nd glass of whiskey not being able to drink from his injury making him more brazen from the amber liquid. His hands had worked their way into your pants leaving you a squirming mess, Ghost sitting now turned facing you.

It made you uncomfortable, his eyes the same color of the whiskey you noticed. His hand leaning against his fist, face unreadable as he watched.

"Relax Bonnnnn," Johnny purred into your ear. "We've already spoke abou' this." 3 fingers of his rubbing against you through your panties. "Both wan' this. Both wan' you. Least we can do ta thank ya'." Making your body at ease.

"Both want this?" You asked, head turning against his.

"Mmmmm." Ghost rumbled. There's that fucking noise again you thought still not sure how to take it.

"We do." Johnny said still whispering into you, his other hand pulling your pants down.

Ghost leaned down, tugging them down further helping them off your legs and over your feet. Instead of taking your panties down, he kneeled in further, tonging you over your cunt. A large gasp leaving you, the sensation still overwhelming. Johnny removed his hands from there moving up your shirt where he slipped under your bra, lightly pinching your nipples. Friction makes you roll yourself against them. Ghost had picked up either of your legs, placing them on either side of his head and neck. Not even bothering to take your panties off, he impulsively pushed them to the side holding them with a finger. His tongue slipped past your folds and rubbed up through you making your gasp shriller this time.

“Ghost,” you hissed out.

“Call ‘im Simon, Love,” Johnny said rubbing your nipples again, making a whimper leave you.

Simon did the same thing, hoping for a different outcome from your mouth, and you called out to him. “Simon…” Fingers slipping into his strands of dark blonde hair.

“There ya’ go.”

Simon made you ride his face while you were sitting down essentially. Making your hips grind up into his mouth where he greedily licked through you over and over. Once he decided you were wet enough, he slipped one of his large fingers in you, leaning back up to watch you. Your head was rolled up onto Johnny’s shoulder. Johnny having slipped your shirt up along with your bra, leaving your chest exposed.

“Oh, pretty girl,” he grumbled slipping in another finger, your head now rolling up further to look at him. The fire only made his eyes burn more. “Savin’ the love of my life pretty girl. Realizing how stupid I was…” he said pumping his fingers a few times before slipping in a 3rd.

“Siiiimon,” you whined squirming harder. Simon leaned forward, kissing you, before breaking it off quickly. Looking up he said to Johnny, “She’s ready, you ready?”

Johnny nodded vigorously. Simon gently helped you off his lap and onto the picnic table, pushing you back softly so your back was against it, turning you so your legs dangled off the side without a bench.

He leant down over you again, kissing you once more. It was just as much tongue as he had used on your cunt, still hungry. His fingers lifted your shirt up over your head and behind you on the table. He took his off as well and placed it under yours. You realized he was saving you from getting splinters off the table.

While he pulled back, you stopped him, hand behind his neck. Your movement confused him until he realized you stopped him so you could kiss him this time.

“Oh bonnie,” Johnny said finally unbuckling his pants and pulling out his cock stroking it a few times.

“Makin’ this hard love, want him to go first so he properly thanks ya’… then you go and have to do something like that,” Simon says dry humping into you. The friction is almost too much at first making you groan.

“Get in there Johnny,” Simon said stepping aside, allowing him through and have access to between your legs. He was slow at first a little wobbly, this something he hasn’t done for awhile clearly. You used your legs and wrapped around his waist, helping him to align with you before pushing in. It made your head roll back, your hair bunching up behind your head, a loud filthy moan leaving your lips.

“Yeah,” Johnny said moving out and back in. Looking down, you saw Simon’s hands holding his waist giving him assistance in fucking you.

The sight was definitely alluring and attractive to you. Simon helping Johnny. Maybe this is what it was like for Simon watching you help Johnny, and you had it wrong the whole time. Maybe he wasn’t jealous… he was envious. It didn’t take long for you to come. Your legs gripping on Johnny trying to slow him, but he just pushed into you harder and faster. Simon holding his core. Your warm walls finally squeezing him and slowing him down. Your cunt fluttering so hard, all you could do was constrict on to him.

“Jesus,” Johnny hissed out finally leaning forward laying on your abdomen for a bit. Your hands rested on his shoulders smoothing out his hair, letting him lax on to you while he caught his breath.

Simon stood behind him before finally helping Johnny sit next to you on one of the benches at the table.

“My turn,” he said standing back up and taking position over you. His fuck wasn’t like Johnny’s, it was rough. Instantly ramming into you over and over, lifting your legs up to his shoulders again using his raw power. Something Johnny would have to work up to. Johnny leaned forward kissing you, talking you through it.

“Such a good girl, takin’ it so well, lass,” again tweaking a nipple and holding a breast as they bounced from Simon's pounding.

This went on for a while, and even then, Simon wasn’t done. He turned you over and propped you up on your knees, thrusting into you from behind, watching you come undone on him this time. His hands gripped your hips, pulling you onto him in a way that didn’t feel human… but it sure curbed that feral dragon in you. And that’s all he wanted.

**********************************************

Simon carried you inside and into the master bedroom before going out to help Johnny in. He had pulled the blankets back and set you inside them. You pulled the blankets back on the other side, making room for Johnny. Simon had an arm under him helping him walk into your bed. Simon then slipped in behind you, arm over your waist as he pulled you back into him.

Johnny rolled over to his side sandwiching you between him and Simon, hand in your hair stroking it.

“Did well, bonnie, good physical therapy,” he joked, thumb stroking your cheek.

You gave a small laugh, laughing harder once you realized you were in your bed tonight and not a guest in your home in the other room.

“Gonna need something bigger than a tiny house,” Simon matched back “gonna have little ones before too long.” His hand already over your womb, mouth on your neck again already.

Simon "Ghost" Riley Masterlist

[myownwholewildworld]

wherever you go (a joel miller's ff) - chapter 1

series masterlist | main masterlist | chapter 2

pairing: outbreak!2003!joel x f!reader.

summary: it’s september 29th, 2003, and joel cannot wrap his head around the fact that sarah is truly gone. as he’s about to put an end to his own suffering…

warnings: mdni. suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, deathwish. loss of a daughter / family members. please do NOT read if this is triggering for you. swear words. reader is female, no description given. no mention of age. no use of y/n.

a/n: this is my very first attempt at writing tlou fan fiction. please be nice >: one-shot (maybe?). mainly joel’s pov but then changes to reader’s pov. this is by no means lore-accurate. also this is my interpretation of how joel lost his hearing in his right ear and got the scar on his right temple ― he did imply he tried to end his life after sarah’s death so this is how i imagine it happened. finally, this is not proofread and english is not my mother tongue, so please excuse any mistakes you might spot. enjoy! (or not? cry with me pls).

w/c: ~1.3k.

Had life been any different, Joel would probably not be in this position.

He had lost everything he held dear. His very reason for living. He could not wrap his head around the fact that Sarah was gone. Truly gone. He could still feel the mud under his fingernails ― his vain attempt to undo the work Tommy had put into digging Sarah’s grave.

It still felt unreal. His baby girl was six feet under, just a few yards away from him. But in his mind, he was still hugging her closely against his chest, feeling her warmth. Tommy had tried to console him, but there were no words in any human language that could sooth his broken heart, so his brother left to run the perimeter and give him some space.

The last few days were like a whirlpool of pain and tears ― agony filling up his lungs, constricting his throat. Joel could not remember the last time he had cried, but he had done so many times in the last seventy-two hours. He could not contain his own emotion any longer. Such torment was too overwhelming. A father was not supposed to bury his own daughter.

It was thanks to his brother that he had been able to put his Sarah to rest. After hell broke loose in Austin and that damn official had shot at them, Joel could not bring himself to recall what had happened afterwards. From what Tommy had told him, they ran for as long as they could ― Joel still holding onto Sarah’s lifeless body. His brother was able to secure a vehicle and they drove out of the city to avoid any more unwanted encounters.

That was how they got to Sam Houston National Forest. Under normal circumstances, they would have gotten there in under three hours, but it took them almost three days. Sarah loved that nature reserve. They would vacation nearby in the summertime when Joel’s schedule was clear of contracting jobs. Sarah, always full of life, would push her dad down the hiking trail, giggling, teasing him and his old knees.

Paralysed by fear, pain and guilt, Joel had only been able to watch as Tommy put a shovel to the ground and started digging. He only snapped out of his stupor when his brother murmured something as he kneeled before him to take Sarah away from his arms. Joel could not comprehend what Tommy was doing until the younger Miller put Sarah in the hole. That was when he had completely lost it.

It had been hours and Joel had not moved yet. His back against a pine tree, hands on his lap. His eyes fixated on his daughter’s tomb. Tommy had fashioned a cross with wood branches to mark the grave, wildflowers surrounding it despite being September. The contrast between the blooming wildlife and Sarah’s burial pit was gut-wrenching. So much that Joel had to close his eyes to stop them from watering once more.

Tommy had assured him this dreadful feeling would lessen with time ― maybe even go away. Joel had just looked at him blankly in disbelief. He very much doubted it. There was no way he could feel his heart beating again when it had been ripped out of his chest. Emptiness eating him up, nothingness taking over his soul, dread engulfing his senses. There was no coming back from this.

Truthfully, he could not see the point anymore. The world was ending anyway, why postpone the inevitable? Joel was sure that he would only burden Tommy ― in this state of mind, he was not going to be able to protect anyone, let alone his brother. In fact, he would just guide him to his death, the same way he had led Sarah to hers.

Joel opened his eyes and looked down. Tommy had left a gun on the ground to his right while he patrolled the surrounding area, in case he was interrupted and in need of protecting himself. What he was thinking about doing could be considered as “protecting himself” ― from his own thoughts, his own breathtaking pain.

His right hand wrapped around the grip of the gun while his index finger slid towards the trigger. As Joel put the gun to his right temple, his eyes locked on the makeshift wooden cross. He hoped he could be reunited with Sarah in Heaven, God knew he had tried his best in this life and had still failed. It was not enough. He was not enough.

Joel took a deep breath, eyes closed, and pulled the trigger.

Houston was in shambles. You just barely escaped that godforsaken city and made it to the closest nature reserve you could think of. It was the best idea, you thought, as people would be scarce in the midst of nature. So, you walked and walked, until you came across two men who had set up camp off the main trail. You kept to the shadows, not knowing if you should trust them or not.

The youngest one left a few minutes after your arrival, so you adjusted your position in order to not be seen. From there, you could have a better look at the older guy, who seemed rather defeated, sat on the ground, his back resting against a tree. His eyes bare, his face completely blank. You assumed his crushed expression was because of the events of the last few days.

Or, at least, that was what you thought until you spotted the improvised grave in front of him.

Tears welled up, gathering at the rims of your eyelids. You knew that feeling damn too well. Not only the outbreak, but life had also taken some very important people from you. The feeling of loss ― you perfectly understood how hard it could hit.

But you could not reminisce about old times, not now, when your own life was hanging by a thread. You were alone in this world, and you knew how fucking dangerous that would be for a woman. Human nature scared you more than some goddamn virus.

So you were lingering. You saw those two men, and you pondered your options. Something was telling you that you could trust them ― if you could trust anyone while the world was ending.

You came closer, making sure you did not make a noise. That was when you saw the raw emotion painted on his worn-out face. There was something about him that drew you in. His gloomy look spoke of hurt, but also danger.

And then you also saw his hand holding a gun to his temple.

You just acted ― without any concern for your own safety.

“NO!”, a painful shriek left your mouth as you ran towards him, your knees skidding through the dirt as you stopped by his side.

You wrapped both of your hands around his wrist, trying to pull the gun away from him, when the shot went off with a loud bang. It grazed the skin on his temple and blood started to pool on the fresh wound.

“Oh, shit”, you said breathlessly, pressing the palm of your hand against the gash to stop the bleeding.

His brown eyes focused on you, a mixture of shock and disappointment.

After what felt like an eternity losing yourself in those irises, he mumbled:

“Why?”

You tried to talk, but the words would not leave your tongue.

“I…”, you started to explain yourself, but was quickly interrupted.

“What the heck was that?!”

You looked up and spotted the second man, the one you saw walking away a few minutes earlier, running towards you ― rifle on hand, pointing at you.

Blood rushed out of your face. Was that how you were going to die after all?

“Tommy, wait―”

[mischiefmaker615]

Bang Bang

Requester: @Laer111ee (wattpad)

Rating: R

Summary/Inspiration Song: Bang Bang by K'NAAN

Note: my goodness.. it may be my longest one shot

Loki’s POV

I’ve always known humans to be the weaker species, surely much lower than most of the nine realms of this universe. It wasn’t until I had really spent an.. annoyingly long amount of time on Midgard to realize I could still be surprised.

It was strange, how Midgardians have history books filled to the brim of war and chaos, caused by their own doing. Why is it that when I try to rule, they turn against the idea? They most certainly have no problems living with those elected to decide how they live; is it because I am the god of chaos that makes things different? That I am not human? All.. nuisance cast aside with how things went upon them sending their earth’s mightiest heroes, I did at least gain one positive aspect through it all.

Her.

Was wasn’t quite special, no powers running through her delicate yet capable feminine body. Just years, perhaps a great solid decade at most of hard-core training- that humans would consider hard core. Gods even I am picking up on their simpleton language. Nevertheless, whatever this woman has gone through to earn her spot amongst these Avengers, she was truly the first, pure human that could actually get my body to tense in battle, for me to actually have to concentrate, to be less.. cocky, as I’m told.

She keeps up.

“you have a nasty habit of running from the inevitable-‘’ she called, slowly walking through some abandoned building as I kept myself around the corner from her eye sight.

The SHIELD uniform hugged beautifully to her body, much more mesmerizing than The Widow. She quickly let her eyes flick down briefly to make sure she was carefully walking amongst the debris, going right back up to make sure I hadn’t appeared in sight yet. It was quite amusing, the serious in her face as she searched for me, this not even being the first time she’s sought me out.

Although this woman walked around half the time with a loaded shotgun, -though it was hardly enough to concern me, something about her seemed to make me feel like I could have no concern with whatever she would point at me. Like she wouldn’t be able to pull the trigger, though I wasn’t quite in the mood to test out the possible bluff. She seemed to shoot me straight in the heart anyway, and to my own surprise, it came with no pain..

Why they don’t send someone with heightened abilities, I am unsure. Yet she’s lasted this long, though most of our encounters I’ve held back a lot- and she knows it. I just tend to always look forward to our next encounter, and I can’t very much do that if she is in a recovery wing. I am not a fool though, and normally there is either one or two Avengers outside the building in which I sneak to, indicating that she is perhaps still being put to the test by going after me.

‘’and yet you still follow darling.’’ I chuckle, using the angles where my voice could echo rather than give away my location as I eye the gun clutched in her hands. ‘’tell me, how many times will your heroes send you before they finally think you’ll catch me?’’

Her E/C eyes narrow, her head moving to all directions as she pressed on, her nose twitched as she ignored the knocking feeling to sneeze with all the dust. Cute.

‘’perhaps I’ve been holding back as well, when are you going to have the balls to have a real fight with me?’’

I couldn’t help but smirk at her vulgar language, most likely using sarcasm to substitute her fear, though I did not smell any on her. I began moving myself through the halls, knowing from a birds eye view of the building, I was making my way around so I could be behind her. ‘’when I know you won’t break as soon as I touch you..’’ quite often, I’ve hinted at an inuendo. As I’ve pushed much of the thoughts down, it wasn’t new for the idea of perhaps laying down with her to cross my mind if even given the opportunity- though I do like my partners willing most of the time.

‘’how about you stop hiding like a coward then?’’

It was a weak answer, but I knew she just wanted me to keep talking to give away my position as I quietly turn the corner and was now getting an eye view of her backside- hips swaying with a sculpted rump. I have wondered if those heroes merely send her for me to be distracted in hopes that she could use that to defeat me.. it hasn’t quite worked yet.

“It could be fun if you stop holding back.’’

My brow raised at her last statement. Did she enjoy these pointless battles just as much as I did? I rather sought out her closeness, her sarcasm and fierceness though she was as harmless as a young mongrel. I could always smell her scent when we fought, almost seeing the oils and soaps she uses and there was only one time I could have sworn I could smell arousal. My cock twitched at the mere thought and brought me out of my thoughts as I slowed my pace behind her. Though this closeness now I just couldn’t resist.

‘’you want fun then? Let’s have fun..’’ I whisper in her ear, seeing her body tense at the realization of my whereabouts and I had just enough time to inhale, my eyes fluttering as I got what I wanted before I leaned back when she swung an elbow back.

She was quick, turning around and pointed her gun towards me in which I was quick to grab and yank free before I had to watch her other arm. Fighting Midgardians was almost like fighting something that moved in slow motion, and I was happy to play along as I let her hit my chest now and again though I could tell she had gotten stronger since the last time we’ve met.

‘’dare I say you also look forward to our little dance sweet Y/N?’’ I smirk, teasing her to throw off her concentration as she glares, increasing her speed as she keeps trying to find an opening.

‘’I look forward to finally seeing you behind glass again Loki’’ she snapped though I gathered no anger in her voice as she dropped down and I quickly stepped back from a leg swing.

‘’ah so you much prefer talking than our physical interactions out here?’’ I press before she humps back to her feet, ramming the top of her head into my jaw. It didn’t hurt but it was the force that had my eyes fly up and I had to regain my footing as she kept going at punching at my pressure points- trying through my armor at least.

‘’I prefer you putting your mouth to better use-‘’ she cut herself off, the surprise matching my own as her body stilled for a split second and she shook her head ‘’interrogation!’’ she added, trying to redirect her meaning as her mistaken inuendo had my humor triggers.

I laughed and something in my chest seemed to switch at how this woman made me feel in that moment where she was quick to try to correct herself by fighting harder. It worked.

For once she got the best of me, fighting rather dirty through her embarrassment and opted to quick me in the groin. My amusement was quickly replaced with pain and she had me on my back in an instant with her blade to my neck. My hands were up, palms towards her in a surrender position where we both caught our breath.

‘’let me know if the offer still stands,’’ I smirk, knowing any wrong moves she would press the blade deeper than it was as I felt the slight warm trickle of blood at my neck.

Her free hand moved to her thigh, my eyes watching rather mesmerized as my mind screamed to get me out of this situation. With her body on top of mine quick comfortably in a pin, my body had other plans and wished to remain as she pulled out her radio. Sound seemed to have left my ears, seeing her speak but I couldn’t hear anything as I watched her.

This woman was different..

That had been quite some time ago, perhaps a little bit over a year and It was only 3 months later of.. attempted interrogations, they even sent her, because they realized my “plans” haven’t been put into place yet, day saved if it hasn’t started yet. After those boring 3 months, I found out someone had requested and convinced me to remain house bound to the Avengers tower, participating in community service here and there if my magic needed to be put to use depending on the foe they were fighting that same day. Of course, they never let me out without a particular Asgardian bracelet my idiot brother brought back that would dull my abilities, ensuring my escape would not be easily attempted.

When I had arrived at the tower for my new living situation, I received the not-so-surprising welcome from those heroes, and I often wondered who convinced SHIELD to let me be housed here. When my eyes landed on Y/N, those features reddened and her eye contact wavered, I knew it was here. I never brought it up, but as we conversed here and there throughout my time, her kindness compared to the others was a define confirmation where I never really needed to ask.

And our friendship grew.

Reader’s POV

Loki and I were similar in many ways- not so much the fact that he killed people or tried to take over the world or that he was narssassistic.. okay perhaps not that similar. Though in many house-life ways we seemed to be two peas in a pod.

I knew from the start the Avengers had sent me first to try to take him down, to put me to the test, so to speak, during my training days. To everyones surprise, he and I weren’t the stereotypical enemies. I would never admit it, but Loki was right.. fighting him was almost something I would look forward to, because we knew we couldn’t bring ourselves to kil each other.

Weve grown in friendship since he’s arrived, I noticed long before there was something different about him.. so I spoke with Fury and although Loki hasn’t figured it out yet- to my knowledge, I was assigned to secretly ‘babysit him’.

Whenever he entered the room, I couldn’t help but look at him with the feeling that my lips wanted to curl into a smile. There was a strange flutter in my chest, almost a wanting that I hoped he would sit next to me, talk to me, anything where I was really in his attention. He strongly disliked everyone else, perhaps me a bit less so I hope that wasn’t the main reason why he would come over..

I don’t want him to hate me..

We sat across from each other in another meeting, hosted by Rogers as he yet again had to debrief us on how we could do better on the latest assignment. From the corner of my eye, I could tell Loki was staring and I shifted a little shyly by his intense gaze. Whenever I would move to look back at him, his eyes were quick to move on Rogers and sometimes I would question if he had really been looking over here or not.

Just to test that theory, I would sometimes lean forward against my forearms on the table, my clevage showing a bit more with whatever top I was wearing that day. From the corner of my eye I could see Loki seeming to study my skin, him taking a strained swallow as he shifted in his seat sutly. I couldn’t help but smirk as I ‘listened’ to Steve, loving to tease this man to get back at mild mischief he would throw around in the tower when he was bored.

I would only sit back in my chair when I notice Tony activitly leaning forward to stare down my chest, hearing a growl form Loki as he seemed to look jealous before I would roll my eyes at Stark.

He would after flirt, casually of course in a normal conversation and catch me off guard where he’d smirk at how red my cheeks would get. Often mentally preparing myself to see him every day I would usually beat him to it with a flirtation inundo where he then would either stutter or turn away to try to make sure I wouldn’t see his own cheeks redden.

Cat and mouse, taking turns on who would be played and the player.

That’s how our relationship was, flirting and conversing. The only one who could hold up an interesting conversation around here and get me to think. He had so many ideas, good ones, and thoughts where we’d lose track of time. Truth be told I think I have began to gain feelings for this god.. and it scared me to death but upon seeing how.. for lack of a better term, weak, I could make him, it also made me feel bold, powerful, and I liked the person I was when I was around him.

Yet it’s not like he felt the same.. I probably was just another weak mortal in his eyes, decent enough to kill time with if this was all the options he had..

Nobody’s POV

Loki’s footsteps slowed, moving with causton down the halls as soon as he heard slight sound coming from the kitchen down the hall. Exactly where he was heading to In the middle of the night, as one does.

He was bare chested, black boxers being the only article of clothing he had on and with a dagger formulating in his hand as he neared the corner. No one has been up this late, and judging the cercumstances of where they were, you could never be to sure with the enemies that could pop up. Yet when he peaked around the corner, there was no enemy..

Her.

She had on.. very short shorts, a tank top with no sign of bra on as she kept her back to him at the stove. The dim stove top light was the only lighting she gave herself as she stirred something in the pop while his body relaxed with the non-threat.

Why was she up at this hour? He was only fetching himself a glass of water..

The dagger slowly vanished within thin air, his eyes starting from her ankles and slowly working their way up as he leaned himself against the doorframe. He had seen her in varies outfits- from work, to casual but never sleep attire. His teeth captured his bottom lip, feeling like he hasn’t blinked as he shifted himself by the slight growing reminder at how he felt towards her. Upon pawing at his boxers, he exhaled in slight discomfort and as soon as he noticed her body tensed, his hand moved to his side as she turned.

‘’oh! Loki-‘’ she gasped, quickly hushing herself as she grabbed her heart from the surprise. Her eyes seemed to widen at the sight of him, not exactly having seen him in his own sleep attire before- let alone shirtless. ‘’what are you-‘’

Playing it off quickly as if he hadn’t been staring for long a moment ago, he casually shrugged and moved himself towards the fridge with his eyes forward. ‘’I am merley fetching a glass of water, I am more curious as to why you would be cooking yourself a meal this late in the night?’’ he asked, glancing over at the stove as she turned off the burner.

‘’sometimes I just wake up with cravings- I wasn’t to hungry at dinner time so I suppose my body makes up for it now’’ she smiled sheepishly and leaned herself against the counter, watching him.

Loki gave a mild hum and a nod, taking a glass and turning around to face her. ‘’well do not mind me, I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything’’ he smirked and slowly sauntered over to her.

He could notice her breathing picking up as he stood before he, having to tilt his head down a little to look at her as his height served as a reminder.

‘’n-not at all-‘’ she shook her head, sucking in a breath as he raised his arm while he held eye contact, their expressions steady at a stalemate before he reached around her, his arm gliding against her side before he pulled back with the water pitcher in hand. Looking embarrassed, her eyes moved over to the stove, checking on nothing which made him smirk.

‘’is there a problem?’’

‘’of course not- I’m just waiting for you to finish up.’’ She said with quick defense where he couldn’t help but chuckle, motioning around him as he poured into his glass.

‘’I am not in your way darling, unless of course you require things from the fridge but I do remember you favor that particular meal as is- plain package contents.’’ He said with no judgement- not anymore, he had wrinkled his nose the first time he had seem packaged ramen but held back his negative opinions when she had him try it one day.

‘’I know I just- am not used to working in the kitchen with someone around..’’ she said and rubbed her arm as she seemed to want to close in on herself.

‘’that is not try Y/N, I distinctly remember you having no issue working in the kitchen when one is present,’’ he corrects calmly and takes a sip of his drink, eyeing her before he sets down the glass beside him. ‘’I think you are merely just not used to one seeing you in quite the.. intimate attire..’’ he smirked and she picked up on his teasing, narrowing her eyes as she crossed her arms to seem stubborn but she really just tried covering herself.

‘’I am perfectly fine, Loki, with cooking in anything with anyone. I just enjoy my peace and quiet and wish to resume it as soon as you leave.’’

‘’quite the lie darling, how long will you be keeping it up until you remember what the god of I am?���’ he laughed, quickly lowering his voice as he leaned against the counter across from her, almost acting as a mirror as he rests his palms beside him on its edge just as she did.

He couldn’t help but notice her- not so subtle- eyes roaming over his chest in quick movements as if he wouldn’t notice. Did she admire him as much as he admired her?.. or wasn’t strictly just their forms they liked..

‘’..was it an innuendo?’’ he asked, seeming to surprise himself as the words came out.

‘’-what was?’’ she asked, raising a brow as she thought if she said anything right now that would make him think that but he clarified with a shake of his head.

‘’in our last fight.. when I was free.. before all,’’ he waved his hand around as his eyes slowly raised over to hers. ‘’this..’’ he cheeks reddened at the very pit he had dug himself but he had to ask. ‘’you told me.. that you would rather put my mouth to better use-‘’

‘’that was strictly involving interrogation-‘’ she said quickly, her cheeks heating up as she turned herself around, gripping the counter edge in her hands as she kept her back to him.

She was hiding, quite shy and although he was rather embarrassed himself upon asking the question, he quite liked the way he could make her squirm this was as she hid her face from him. ‘’all of it?’’ he asked slowly and she knew he was waiting to try to read on if she would lie to him.

Her eyes studied the countertop, her mouth searching for words while her mind raced before she closed her eyes and shook her head. ‘’no..’’

Loki’s heart seemed to jump in his chest, his eyes looking over her back.. backside to be exact while he listened to her answer. So she did want him.. he began to take a small step forward, watching how she stayed still as she kept her back to him but she was very much listening to his movement. ‘’as it may seem.. I want you to Y/N.. but not in just that way..’’ he took a breath, finding it easier to confess while she wasn’t piercing him with her eyes and he continued on.

‘’your not like the other mor- ..humans.. your strong, you help others, your not selfish and dare I say just as mischievious as me.. intreging.. I’ve often looked forward to the next time we got to fight if it so meant being just a little bit more close to you..’’

By now he was standing behind her, seeing how she kept her head low and her body began to shake as she drew in a breath. ‘’..i like you too Loki.. you make me feel like I’m alive.. you make me want to be better.. stronger.. free.. I knew since day one you were holding back in the fight for a reason..’’

He slowly rested his hands along hers, his body hovering just barely against hers as his chin almost rested against her shoulder. His eyes fluttered closed, taking an inhale of her sweet scent he loved so much while he shook his head. ‘’I couldn’t hurt a sweet thing like you.. it was you who told Fury to put me here, wasn’t it? Out of the cell?’’ he finally asked and she nodded a little, looking forward as she straightened a little, bringing her body up so her shoulder was resting now against his chin.

He took this as an okay to rest a little weight on her, his chin down on her shoulder while his hands moved to rest on top of hers. His body was so close to hers, he could feel her body heat radiating off of her skin and his cock throbbed as he could smell her arousal. Her sweet.. sweet scent..

‘’thank you Y/N..’’ he whispered, grateful every day to be stuck here if I meant being close to her like this. Glass between them didn’t cut it. His thumb gently stroked her smooth skin on her hand, his brows furrowing as the straining reminder and he took a shaky breath. ‘’..does the offer still stand?’’ he whispered, asking the same question he had asked a long time ago.

His body tensed, holding itself back to remain in control as she slowly nodded and whispered back, ‘’yes..’’

Moving ever so slowly, keeping in control and full prepared to stop himself if she would change her mind, he pressed himself up against her, his bulge resting against her ass while his chest pressed against her back. His hand slowly left her own and moved to her waist, his palm flat as it glided down her hip and moved so his fingers could dip under the edge of her shorts.

With one last hesitation as if she would change her mind, his hand moved into her shorts, dipping into her underwear and found out just how aroused she was. They both seemed to suck in a breath, her body beginning to shake as he buried his face against the side of her neck and hair.

‘’gods Y/N.. how long have you dripped for me..’’ he breathed and felt her body tense as she bit her lip.

‘’to long..’’ she whispered and felt the pads of his two finger tips began to rub lazy circles against her clit.

Her hips seemed to press forward into his hand, her head falling back to rest against his shoulder while his hand stroked through her folds. Her breathing was shallow and she arched her back a bit when he began slowly grinding his bulge against her ass, following the same rhythem of his hand.

His own body shook a bit, his breathing seeming to match hers as he nuzzled his cheek against hers, their eyes closed as they feel into the sensation of lust while Loki moved his hand so his thumb could take over her clit while a digit began ghosting her enterance, teasing her as he moved his finger barely in and out.

Her fists clenched as she bit her lip, the teasing slowly driving her made and she could almost see the smug look on his face as he waited for her to give him what she wanted. She wasn’t having that and instead, pushed her ass a bit into his crotch, pushing him a step back before pulling his hand out by her wrist before she turned herself around.

Loki smirked, following her intentions as his hands moved to her waist and helped her jump onto the counter, her legs spread while he made quick work to pull her shorts and panties off all in one go. He had to take a pause, the sight to beautiful to just admire as his hands gripped the counters edge alongside her spread legs while she rested back on her palms.

His mouth seemed to water at the sight of her cunt, ready and waiting while he sank to a knee. The care if someone would walk in was long gone for them both as Loki moved his hands to grip her hips before he dipped his head between her legs. The very taste of her had him pulling her forward so she was closer to the edge, her legs shaking to almost squeezing his head while her own rested back with her eyes up to the ceiling.

‘’fuckk..’’ she breathed, her fingers gripping the edge as he moaned, lapping her center while his vibrations helped her along to build her pleasure.

Silver tongue alright and he couldn’t get enough of her as he ate like a man starved. He lapped through her folds, taking turns suckling at her clit and tongue fucking into her center while her hand moved to his hair.

His locks were silky smooth, her fingers tangling themselves in his hair while she panted for her sweet release. His careful slow movements made her eyes flutter open, noticng how he slowed as soon as her cunt began clenching against his tongue and she bit her lip. Replaying his tongue with the pad of his finger, he kept her on that glorious edge while he rubbed into her clit, raising his head as he smirked up at her.

‘’say it.’’

She held her breath, cheeks heating up as her fingers gripped his hair, knowing he was to strong to pull him back down herself as his eyes pierced hers. With a shaky breath, she knew what he wanted.. she knew for so long what he wanted..

‘’please.. oh god please Loki.. please let me cum..’’ she begged, a whine in her tone as tears of sexual frustration build up pricked her eyes as he gave her that all to familiar smirk.

‘’as my lady commands,’’ he purred before moving his hand back to her hip and replaced it with his tongue, plunging it in and out of her center while the tip of his nose rubbed against her clit.

Her hips began bucking, her grip tightened in his hair before she threw her head back and moaned, shamelessly moaning his name as her eyes fluttered closed while she came. Loki wasted not a single drop as he drank her in, his hands rubbing up and down her thighs soothingly, almost like that alone was telling her good girl..

With shallow breaths, she felt his mouth slow its movements, helping her ride out her orgasm while her body shook. Pulling his body back slowly, he gave each inside of her thigh a kiss before he raised himself to be nose to nose with her, his palms resting beside her thighs as he smirked.

‘’how’s that for holding back?”

Her eyes widened as her hands moved to grip his shoulders. ‘’you were holding back??”

‘’do you think I hold back just in battle darling? I do not wish to break my fair mortal’’ he smirked and his eyes glanced over her before flicking back up. ‘’we are merely in the kitchen, if you wish for a proper.. fucking, then to the bedroom we go.’’

Her cheeks heated up and the realization that it gets 10000 times better- impossibly- made her eyes flick down to his raging erection. That piercing gaze of hers moved back up to his own and she mirrored his smirk as she moved a hand down to where he wanted her most.

‘’how about we put my mouth to use too..’’

Loki smirked and pulled her forward, her arms wrapped around his neck while her legs around his waist.

‘’..i will accept that offer in.. full.’’

DM a song for your own Musical Mischief one shot!

Tag List: @foxherder  @asgards-princess-of-mischief @fire-in-her-veinz

[thatdeadaquarius]

Ok but polygot reader who's like a pro singer who sings im all the languages they know all across teyvat cuz y not <3

Having a duet with yunjin and xinyan

Harmonising with barbara

Singing for nilou's dance

I WANNA SING LULLABIES TO MY CHILDREN SO BADLYYYYYYYY

Orah my beloved genius you <333

LMAO SORRY I JUST HAD TO USE THIS GIF

Orbit: Short Headcanons-ish

Stars: mostly Mond/Liyue characters, mentions of other singers/musicians

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: none known. & Trigger Warnings: none known.

Please comment if I missed any. /gen

☆

U get to sing a solo with Barbara yes!!

but u know whats more important? whos more hype abt ur songs/diff languages???

Venti.

Venti is.

Venti is vibrating with barely contained manic energy

poor guy is sick of always being familiar with songs, nothing is "new" to him, but ur songs?? they're from a different world, and he can't know any of them!!!

Venti's has a surprising amount of strength in those noodle arms bc ur suffocating in his hug rn-

He is constantly begging asking you to sing for him, sing in public, he'll put you on the Barbatos statue hands just so everyone can hear you,

constantly pleading politely requesting if he can lay in your lap under the Windrise tree while you sing slow songs

Hogs you from Barbara, Klee, and anyone else in Mondstadt who would want to personally hear ur singing/duet with you lmao

u had to bring in the cavalry (Rex Lapis/Zhongli) to get a week away from him lol

luckily the retired god was more than motivated to bring u to Liyue, after all he spends a fair amount of his time listening to operas/music

DUETS DUETS DUETS!!

Yunjin blew ur eardrums out of excitement the first time u copied her singing perfectly, kidnapped u for an entire week of festivities where u were the special singer guest <33

Xinyan looked at you like u hung the stars in the sky for both playing a little guitar/singing to her rock music (as she's used to instrumental rock so far bc its been just her)

Qiqi, Klee, Yao yao, Diona all ask (in their own ways lol) for lullabies,

they each wanted you to sing to them every night but it wasn't possible... so u got cloud retainer to invent a machine to record some lullabies you've sung in each of their countries languages so they can sleep 🥺<333

and the dancers.

you cannot escape the dancers.

Nilou, yunjin, eula, gaming, ayaka, doesn't matter, u cannot have peace.

u will sing for them all at some point, u will have repeated performances, u will attract crowds, u will be going on a world tour

(Lyney has also kidnapped u for his magic shows to show off ur singing in French)

☆

finally scheduled a post and am able to rlly get at my asks more frequently now thank goodness

im so ready to open ask box again 😭😭

hope u guys have a fun Tuesday!! :)

Safe Travels 0rah,

💀♒

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks / @devilangel657 / @esthelily / @justinsomniachild / @nanithefuck / @questionotmystopit / @chinuneko

@kiyomi-uchiha777

[03jyh23]

— facing the fear || choi jongho (part three of finding our way back series)

<series masterlist> <next>

ex-boyfriend!idol!jongho x ex-girlfriend!single-mom!reader

synopsis: five years have passed since jongho last saw you. your lives have taken drastically different paths, with jongho achieving fame and you focusing on raising your daughter, nari, in quiet anonymity. when jongho discovers he has a daughter, he's determined to be a part of her life.

genre: a slice of life, romance, fluff, some angst

trigger warnings: unplanned pregnancy, illegitimate child, single parenthood, mature language, sex mentioned (this chapter contains an open discussion about heterosexual and homosexual relationships)

words: 11.4k

reminder: what you’re about to read is purely fiction, so let’s keep it separate from reality.

!minors do not interact!

disclaimer: i believe that all my readers are open-minded individuals who support lgbt people and are not prejudiced in any way. i identify as a queer person, which is why i decided to include certain topics in the dialogues of this chapter. inclusivity is important to me, and i would like to be able to include such themes in my fanfictions without worry. before this chapter, i want to remind you once again that this is a work of fiction and in no way represents the true characteristics of the members of ateez.

— hi there!!! AM I SPOILING YOU GUYS WITH ANOTHER PART IN A SPAN OF 5 DAYS? ARE YOU HAPPY? thank you so much for the love i received! i can't describe how much it means to me and how happy i am to see you all enjoying my writing. i hope you will like this part as i'm well aware most of you have been waiting for what this chapter includes. by the way, i'm sorry if i confused the dorm arrangement! (according to my knowledge 1 jongho, hongjoong, wooyoung; 2 mingi, san, seonghwa; 3 yunho, yeosang) since my finals are almost over, i plan to post once a week, preferably on fridays(?). oh, also! please let me know how you guys feel about using korean phrases/words such as hyung/ya/maknae in fanfictions. i tried not to include it but sometimes it just feels weird not to.

love, monika ♡

taglist: @seventeenthingsblr @DALSUWAHA @treehouse-mouse @ateez-atiny380 @sleepy-kat-here @sndeoki @bomi-ja @dearinsaniiiity @vixensss @all-fandoms-rise @finnydraws @hyuckiesgf ♡

(if by any chance i forgot to add someone please remind me once again)

if you wish to be tagged let me know here

Jongho made his way back to the dorm, the small purple box Nari had entrusted him with gripped firmly in his hand. The quiet of the dorm seemed to amplify his growing anxiety. He knew he had to talk to the boys about Nari, but his day had already been filled with so many emotions. He felt a headache coming on, his head heavy with the weight of it all. Maybe it’s better if he waits a bit before talking to them. He took off his shoes and jacket and approached the kitchen. 

Once in the kitchen, he decided to make a cup of tea, hoping the warm drink would help with his headache and calm his swirling thoughts. He picked up the small purple box that Nari had given him, his fingers tracing the edges gently. A small smile began to play on his lips as he held the box, the weight of it in his hands bringing back the memory of the little girl who had given it to him. He was reminiscing about the way he held Nari in his arms, her little head on his shoulder and big eyes carefully watching him. He already loved holding her, feeling her small body against his. It was the first time he held his daughter in his arms, and he wished he could do it more often from now on. He didn't want to leave, but he knew better than to put his selfish desires first. It was strange, this sudden realization of himself as a father. The idea was still so new, so foreign to him. He'd spent his whole life thinking of himself as an individual, but now he was a part of something bigger, something more important than himself. He was a father. And, despite the fear and uncertainty that came with that thought, he also felt a sense of pride and responsibility. He was a father, and he was going to do everything in his power to be a good one. 

However, the happiness was fading due to one name constantly reappearing in his mind—Hyunwoo. Jongho's lingering thoughts about Hyunwoo began to tarnish his newfound joy, creating an undercurrent of unease that he couldn't shake off. Try as he might to focus on the positive, the thought of Hyunwoo continued to gnaw at him, threatening to overshadow the happiness he had found in Nari.

The sound of the kettle whistling brought him back to the present, and he quickly turned off the stove. He poured the steaming water into his cup; the scent of the tea leaves slowly diffusing into the air. As he sipped his tea, he found his mind drifting back to the day's events. Despite the uncertainty and the lingering questions, he couldn't help but feel a sense of hope. He was determined to face whatever challenges lay ahead, for the sake of his relationship with Nari and, possibly, with you. 

Jongho picked up his cup in one hand and the small purple box of cookies in the other and began walking towards his room. Just as he was about to open the door, he heard his name being called out. 

"Jongho, you're back?" A familiar voice echoed through the dorm. It was Hongjoong, his voice carrying from the confines of his room. The older boy's voice was soft, laced with a hint of concern. 

"Yeah, it's me," Jongho answered as he followed to Hongjoong's room. When he entered the room, he found Hongjoong sitting at his desk, as usual, engrossed in his work. The room was dimly lit, with only a small reading lamp casting long shadows on the walls. Jongho paused at the doorway, watching Hongjoong for a moment. His gaze softened at the sight of the older boy, his usually vibrant eyes now filled with a quiet seriousness, 

"Is everything okay?" Hongjoong asked, lifting his gaze from the laptop to meet Jongho's. 

Jongho nodded, slowly, "Yeah, just a lot on my mind." He knew he couldn't avoid the conversation any longer. 

"Does it have anything to do with Y/N?" Hongjoong asked as he closed his laptop and put his headphones back on the desk. 

Jongho hesitated for a moment before answering. "Yes," he finally admitted, his gaze dropping to the cup of tea in his hands. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the conversation he knew he had to have. Hongjoong's expression turned serious, and he nodded for Jongho to continue. He knew that when Jongho was ready to talk, he would. 

Just as Jongho was about to speak, his gaze fell on the small, purple box he had almost forgotten about. "This," he held up the box, "is from Nari." His voice was soft, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "She wanted me to give it to Wooyoung. It's cookies she made." 

Hongjoong's eyes widened in surprise, "That's really sweet of her," he said, a fond smile on his face. "Wooyoung will definitely appreciate this." 

Jongho nodded in agreement, "Yes, he will" he replied, a hint of sadness in his voice. It was clear that he was still lost in his thoughts, the earlier conversation with you clearly weighing on his mind. 

"I know you held a company meeting today," Hongjoong started, he leaned over to pat a chair next to him, a clear invitation for Jongho to sit down. His eyes held a glimmer of understanding, as if he knew that Jongho had a lot on his mind and was ready to lend a listening ear. Jongho took the invitation and sat down, setting the cookie box aside. Hongjoong reached out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Wanna talk about it?" he asked gently, his eyes filled with concern. 

Jongho stared at him for a moment, then let out a sigh. "Yes," Jongho confessed, finally releasing the words he had held back. "I need to talk about it. I need to talk about Y/N, about Nari... and about a man named Hyunwoo." His voice was heavy with a mixture of confusion, longing, and a trace of fear. 

Hongjoong's eyebrows furrowed at this. "Hyunwoo?" he echoed, a hint of surprise in his voice. "Who is he?" 

Jongho sighed, his gaze dropping to his hands. "I don't know," he admitted, his voice barely a whisper. "But he's close to Y/N. I saw a text message from him on her phone. He referred to her as 'love'." His voice faltered slightly at the end, the words leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. 

Hongjoong was silent for a moment, processing the information. The atmosphere in the room was heavy, "Have you talked to Y/N about this?" 

Jongho shook his head. "I didn't get the chance. And even if I did... I wouldn't know what to say." He looked up, meeting Hongjoong's gaze. "What do I even ask? How do I bring this up without sounding like I invaded her privacy?" 

Hongjoong thought for a moment. "Firstly," he began, "you didn't invade her privacy. You found her phone and saw the message. It's not like you went snooping through her texts." He paused, giving Jongho a reassuring look. "And as for what to ask... Just be honest. Tell her what you saw and how it made you feel. It's better to talk things out than to let your thoughts spiral." 

"I don't think it's a good idea to talk to her about how I feel," Jongho said, his hands tapping nervously on the table. "She's reminding me all the time that we are doing this for Nari, yet I can't help but feel all of these emotions when I am with her." 

"What emotions?" Hongjoong asked. 

Jongho paused, searching for the right words. "I don't know... I feel... confused, I guess? And I can't help but feel a bit jealous when I think about this Hyunwoo guy. And there's more... I feel a connection with her, it's like something’s drawing me towards her. It's hard to explain." 

Hongjoong nodded, understanding in his eyes. "It sounds like you're still in love with her, Jongho." 

"How can I be in love with her? It's been five years," Jongho almost whispered, emotion threatening to overwhelm him any moment now. 

"Love doesn't just disappear, Jongho," Hongjoong replied, his voice filled with understanding. "It can lie dormant, waiting for the right moment to resurface. And seeing Y/N again, meeting your daughter... those are powerful triggers." 

The words hung in the air, heavy and undeniable. Jongho didn't respond immediately, his gaze fixed on the floor. Finally, he looked up at Hongjoong, his expression vulnerable. "Maybe I am. But what does it matter? She has someone else in her life. And even if she didn't, it doesn't mean she feels the same about me." 

"Jongho," Hongjoong began, his voice steady and calm. "Feelings are complicated. It's completely normal to feel the way you do. You and Y/N have a history together and now you have a daughter. It's natural to have feelings for her." 

"But what if she doesn't feel the same? What if I'm just holding onto something that isn't there anymore?" Jongho asked, his voice heavy with worry. 

"Then you'll deal with it," Hongjoong stated simply. "You can't control how she feels, just like she can't control how you feel. All you can do is be honest with her and with yourself." Jongho nodded, taking in Hongjoong's words. His heart was still heavy, and the fear of the unknown still loomed over him, but he felt a bit calmer, a bit more ready to face whatever was to come. "Jongho, you don't have to choose between focusing on Nari or pursuing your feelings towards Y/N," Hongjoong continued. "I am not a father but…" At these words, Jongho chuckled, looking at Hongjoong. The older boy had always been like a father figure in the band, always looking out for the others and guiding them when they needed it. Hongjoong laughed softly, catching on to Jongho's thoughts. "I mean, I'm not a real father," he added, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. "But I believe that if you want to create a family with Y/N, it can't be done in separate stages," Hongjoong continued, his words filled with understanding. "You can't simply discard your emotions and solely concentrate on being a father. It's not that straightforward. These two aspects are linked and need to grow together. You're not just a father, Jongho, but a man who still loves the mother of his child. And that's okay. It's okay to allow yourself to feel this way, to explore these feelings while also focusing on being a father to Nari. It's okay to be human and not have everything figured out. This journey you're on, it's not just about parenting, but also about healing and growing as a person. And part of that growth involves acknowledging and understanding your feelings for Y/N. So, don't try to separate the two. Let them happen at the same time." Hongjoong's words hung in the air, heavy with truth and understanding. Jongho felt a strange mix of relief and fear. The idea of allowing himself to experience these complex emotions was daunting, yet it also felt right. He understood that he had been trying to separate his feelings, handling one thing at a time to keep control. But life, as he was quickly learning, was rarely that simple. 

Jongho nodded, acknowledging the truth in Hongjoong's words. He felt a sense of gratitude towards his friend for offering a perspective he hadn't considered. "You're right, Hongjoong," he admitted, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I guess I've been trying to simplify things, to make this all more manageable. But I can't ignore my feelings for Y/N. And I won't." He paused, letting the words sink in. "I need to confront this, for Nari, for Y/N, and for myself." 

Hongjoong returned the smile, his eyes reflecting a sense of understanding and support. "That's the spirit, Jongho," he encouraged. "Facing our emotions may be scary, but it's the only way to truly understand ourselves and move forward. And remember, you don't have to do this alone. I'm here for you." 

Jongho felt a surge of gratitude. He was lucky to have such a supportive friend. He knew the road ahead wouldn't be easy, but with Hongjoong’s support, he felt ready to face whatever came his way. 

Feeling lighter than before, Jongho allowed a genuine smile to reach his eyes. In a playful tone, he joked, "I aspire to be as good of a father as you, Hongjoong." This comment earned him a small punch in the arm from his friend, who couldn't help but break into laughter at the compliment. 

Their moment of levity was suddenly interrupted by Wooyoung's voice. "Who wants to be a father?" the boy, who had just woken up from his nap, asked. Standing in the doorway with tousled hair, he looked at them with curiosity. 

Caught off guard, Jongho and Hongjoong exchanged a glance, both momentarily at a loss for words. "For how long have you been listening?" Jongho asked, his playful demeanor from a minute ago long gone. 

"Well, it's just that San woke up and wanted me to grab him a glass of water, and I just left my room," Wooyoung yawned. 

Hongjoong gave Wooyoung a quick glance before returning his gaze to Jongho. "We were just talking about...things," he said vaguely, not wanting to delve into the details. Jongho nodded, appreciating Hongjoong's discretion. 

"So, San is here?'' Jongho asked, his gaze shifting briefly towards the direction of Wooyoung's room. There was a hint of curiosity in his voice, a subtle shift in the atmosphere as he awaited Wooyoung's response. 

"Yeah, he is," Wooyoung answered, rubbing the sleepiness from his eyes. He stifled a yawn before continuing, "He couldn't sleep well last night, so he came over earlier to catch up on some sleep."  

Jongho nodded in understanding then turned to Hongjoong, seeking his opinion. "Should we just call the rest of the guys then?" he asked, his eyes searching for reassurance in Hongjoong's gaze. 

Hongjoong considered the suggestion for a moment before nodding. "Yes, I think it's time," he agreed, a sense of determination in his voice. "We should all be on the same page about this." 

"What are you guys even talking about?" Wooyoung asked, clearly confused, as he leaned into the doorframe. His eyes flicked between Hongjoong and Jongho, searching for answers in their serious expressions. But before Jongho could open his mouth to explain, a loud voice from Wooyoung's bedroom caught them all off guard. 

"Ya! Wooyoung, do you want me to die of thirst?" San's voice rang out, filled with exaggerated distress. The three of them turned towards the direction of the voice, a look of amusement passing between them.  

"Quit being so dramatic!" Wooyoung shouted back, rolling his eyes but not able to hide the smile tugging at his lips. He then pushed himself off from the doorframe and finally made his way into the kitchen. 

"I thought separating those two would earn me some peace," Hongjoong sighed, his gaze following Wooyoung as he made his way into the kitchen, "But what was the point of dividing us into three different dorms when San is always here." He shook his head, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Despite his grumbles, it was clear that he wouldn't have it any other way. The bond they all shared was unbreakable, and no matter how often they bickered or teased each other, at the end of the day, they were family. "I'll send a message to the rest of the boys," Hongjoong offered, pushing himself up from his chair and stretching his arms above his head. He looked at Jongho, a determined expression on his face. "In the meantime, you should go and grab some food for us. We'll need something to keep us going while we discuss everything." He paused, a smirk playing on his lips. "Ever since Yeosang moved in with Yunho, I swear those two live off air and video games. I bet they haven't had a proper meal in days." He shook his head in mock disapproval, his tone dripping with dramatic exaggeration. 

Jongho chuckled at Hongjoong's dramatic performance, acknowledging the truth in his words. "Alright, I'll pick up some food. Any preferences?" he asked, standing up from the chair. 

"How about something spicy? The spicier the better," Hongjoong suggested, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "I bet that would wake San and Wooyoung up pretty quickly." 

Jongho laughed, shaking his head at Hongjoong's antics. "Spicy it is then," he conceded, pulling on his jacket. As he was about to leave, he paused at the door, turning to look at Hongjoong. "Thanks, hyung," he said, his voice filled with genuine gratitude. 

Hongjoong simply nodded, a warm smile on his face. "Anytime, Jongho. We're all in this together, remember?" 

Jongho smiled at his older friend and nodded, "I'll remember that" he said, his voice filled with gratitude. 

"Hey, San! Rise and shine, sleep is for the weak!" Hongjoong shouted with a mischievous grin as he entered Wooyoung's bedroom. 

Jongho smiled to himself, pulling on his jacket. His conversation with Hongjoong had left him feeling a little lighter, a little more hopeful. The road ahead was still unclear, filled with unknowns and potential challenges, but he was not alone. He had his friends, his brothers, standing by his side, ready to face whatever came their way together. 

Just as Jongho stepped out of the dorm, he fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed your number. As he made his way towards the nearest restaurant, he could feel the nervous energy coursing through him. He still hadn't fully processed everything that had happened, and despite the reassurance he got from Hongjoong, he was still filled with a sense of unease. He wanted to call you to discuss the decision he had made about telling the boys about his newfound fatherhood. He felt he needed your consent to move forward with this, and he was hoping to get your approval. He waited for you to pick up, each ring echoing in his ears, amplifying his anxiety. Just when he was about to end the call, assuming you were busy, he heard the phone being picked up. However, instead of your voice, he was met with a male voice, catching him off guard. 

Jongho's heart skipped a beat as the unfamiliar voice echoed in his phone. "Hello, Y/N's phone. Who is this?" the voice asked, a hint of curiosity lacing his tone. 

Jongho cleared his throat, trying to keep his voice steady. "This is Jongho," he replied, his mind racing as he tried to figure out who the person on the other end of the line was. 

"Oh, Jongho? Y/N's mentioned you," the voice replied, sounding slightly surprised. "This is Hyunwoo." 

The mention of the name sent a shock through Jongho. This was the Hyunwoo he'd been worrying about, the one whose name had been haunting him. He struggled to find his voice, the shock leaving him momentarily speechless. 

"Is Y/N there?" Jongho finally managed to ask, his voice barely above a whisper. 

"Uh, she's in the shower. Can I take a message?" Hyunwoo offered, seemingly oblivious to the tension on Jongho's end. 

"No, it's... it's okay. I'll call back later," Jongho replied, quickly hanging up the phone. His mind was a whirlwind, the implications of the call leaving him breathless. He stood there for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts, before continuing his walk to the restaurant. 

Jongho tried his hardest to shove the thoughts to the back of his mind, but they kept creeping up, filling his thoughts as he mindlessly entered the restaurant. He ordered the food, his eyes glued to the menu but his mind somewhere else entirely—on Hyunwoo, on you, on Nari. The anxiety was clawing at him, the gnawing feeling in the pit of his stomach growing with each passing minute. He couldn't help but imagine Hyunwoo there with you, spending time with Nari while he was away. These thoughts consumed him as he waited to pick up his order, his heart pounding against his chest in rhythm with the ticking of the clock. 

Finally, he left the restaurant, his hands clutching the bags of food tighter than necessary. He was about to enter his building, his mind still swirling with what-ifs and worst-case scenarios, when his phone rang. It was you, calling him back. He felt his heart skip a beat, the sight of your name on his screen both comforting and terrifying. He took a deep breath, bracing himself for the conversation that was about to follow. 

Just before he picked up the call, he steeled himself, reminding himself that he needed to focus on the bigger picture. With a deep breath, he answered the call, his voice steady as he greeted, "Hello, Y/N." 

"Jongho you called earlier? I just got out of the shower. Is everything okay?" Your voice echoed in his ear, a mixture of concern and surprise. 

"Yeah, everything is fine," Jongho quickly reassured you. He paused, trying to figure out how to approach the conversation. "I just... I wanted to talk to you about something." He could hear the hesitation in his own voice, his mind racing with thoughts of what your reaction might be. 

"Sure, what's up?" You asked, your voice filled with curiosity. Your calm demeanor helped Jongho to steady himself. He realized he needed to be honest, to talk to you about his feelings and the decisions he had made. 

"I... I've decided to talk to the boys about... about Nari," Jongho confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. He held his breath, waiting for your response, the silence on the other end of the line amplifying his anxiety. 

After what felt like forever, you finally responded. Your voice, when you spoke, was soft, filled with understanding. "Jongho... I think that's a good idea," you reassured him, your words lifting a weight off his shoulders. "They are your family. They deserve to know." 

Jongho let out a sigh of relief, his heart pounding in his chest. "Thank you, Y/N," he whispered, gratitude flooding his voice.  With your consent, he felt ready to face whatever came next. Yet, Jongho was dying to ask about Hyunwoo, to understand who he was in relation to you. Just as he was about to give in to the urge to know, he heard Hyunwoo's voice in the distance, calling your name. His heart skipped a beat, the sound of Hyunwoo's voice serving as a stark reminder of the complexity of the situation. 

"Love, are you still on the phone?" Hyunwoo's voice echoed in the background, his tone casual and familiar. The sound of his voice sent a sharp pang of jealousy through Jongho, stirring up a whirlwind of emotions that he struggled to keep at bay. 

"Who was that?" Jongho found himself asking, the words escaping his lips before he had a chance to fully process them. He could hear the curiosity lacing his tone, a direct reflection of the whirlwind of thoughts swirling in his mind. However, as soon as the question left his mouth, he immediately regretted it. He could feel a sudden rush of apprehension washing over him, a stark reminder of the delicate line he was treading. This was not a conversation he wanted to have over the phone, and certainly not one he wanted to rush into. Knowing that he had stepped into a territory that he was not ready to traverse, Jongho quickly tried to deflect his previous question. "Actually, never mind. It's not important," he said, his voice filled with a forced casualness. He didn't want to pry into your personal life, at least not yet, not when he himself was still trying to figure out his own feelings. 

There was a brief silence on the other end of the line, making Jongho's heart pound in his chest. He could almost feel the wheels turning in your head, deciding how to respond to his sudden withdrawal. "Jongho, it's okay," you finally spoke, your voice gentle, almost soothing. "Hyunwoo is..." 

However, before you could finish, Jongho, eager to end the call, interrupted you. "I'm actually about to talk to the guys now." There was a certain finality in his voice, a determination that suggested he had made up his mind and was ready to face whatever came next. "We'll talk more later, Y/N." With that, he ended the call, his heart pounding in his chest. He took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves. 

Upon reaching the dorm, Jongho paused at the entrance to gather his thoughts. He took a moment to look at the bags of food he carried in his hands, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Here goes nothing," he whispered under his breath, drawing in one long, calming breath before he pushed open the door. 

Inside, he was greeted by the familiar faces of his friends. Their expressions were a mix of curiosity and concern. His gaze naturally found Hongjoong, who gave him a reassuring nod, a silent message of support that eased some of the anxiety Jongho felt. 

Taking a deep breath, Jongho broke the silence. "I brought some food," he said, setting down the bags on the table. His voice was steady, but the members could sense a hidden tension beneath his casual demeanor. 

Yunho immediately stood up and walked over to Jongho. "Let me help you," he offered, taking some of the bags from Jongho. With Yunho's help, the food was quickly spread out on the table. 

"But before we start eating," Jongho began, setting down the plates and chopsticks. His voice had turned serious, causing the members to pause mid-conversation and look at him. "There's something important I wanted to discuss with you all." 

"What's up, Jongho?" Seonghwa asked, his brow furrowing in concern. The atmosphere in the room had noticeably shifted, the air charged with anticipation. 

Jongho paused for a moment, taking in another deep, steadying breath. His heart pounded rapidly, echoing loudly in his ears. The reality of what he was about to reveal made him feel as if he was carrying an enormous, burdensome load. He looked around at everyone gathered in the room, their expectant gazes only adding to the pressure he was under. Summoning every ounce of courage he had, he finally spoke up, his voice steady despite the nerves. "I have something important to share with you all," he began, his words hanging heavy in the air. He took another pause, letting the seriousness of his statement sink in. "Something... significant." 

The members exchanged curious and worried glances. "What's going on?" Yunho asked, instinctively sitting up straighter, his eyes keenly focused on the youngest. Jongho momentarily hesitated, his lips parting as he searched for the right words to convey his news. 

"Are you okay?" Mingi asked, his voice filled with genuine concern. The members had picked up on Jongho’s hesitation, their worry for their friend evident. 

Jongho nodded his head affirmatively, his eyes reflecting a sense of calm acceptance. "Yes," he began, his voice steady and reassuring, "I'm perfectly fine." He paused momentarily, gathering his thoughts before continuing. "Recently, I found out that..." His expression softened, a hint of vulnerability seeping through. "I... I have a daughter. A beautiful little girl who has made me see the world in a whole new light. Her name is Nari." The room seemed to swallow itself in a stunned, thick silence, as if the air had been sucked out in one fell swoop. The boys, taken aback, could only stare at Jongho, their gazes boring into him as they grappled with the enormity of the revelation he had just made. 

"A daughter?" Wooyoung repeated, his voice barely above a whisper, the word reverberating around the room. His eyes were wide with shock, disbelief etched into every feature of his face. His mind was spinning, trying to comprehend the unexpected news. "Since when?" He finally managed to stammer out, the question hanging heavy in the air. 

Jongho nodded again, his eyes meeting each of theirs in turn. "Yes, a daughter. She's going to be four years old soon. I only learned about her, well… yesterday." 

Struggling to comprehend the situation, San managed to stammer out, "How... how did this happen?" His facial expression was a perfect illustration of his bewilderment and surprise. 

Wooyoung, attempting to alleviate the tension in the room with a quip, scoffed and said, "Did you seriously just ask him about the birds and the bees?" His attempt at humor served as a brief respite in the heavy atmosphere. 

Jongho chuckled nervously at Wooyoung's comment, appreciating the attempt to lighten the mood. "It's... complicated," he admitted. "But what's important now is that she's here, and I want to do right by her." 

Yeosang, who had been quiet the whole time, finally spoke up. "Jongho, this is huge. How are you handling it?" 

Jongho sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's overwhelming, to be honest. But I want to be a part of Nari's life. That's why I needed to tell you all. I need your support and understanding as I navigate this." 

The members were quiet for a moment, processing the news. Then, Yunho spoke up, his voice gentle. "We're here for you, Jongho. Whatever you need, we'll support you." 

Seonghwa, who had been quietly absorbing the revelation, finally voiced his thoughts. "What about your daughter's mom?" he inquired; his tone full of worry. "Don't tell me you're married!" His terrified expression was somewhat amusing. 

Jongho laughed lightly, shaking his head at Seonghwa's worry. "No, no, I'm not married. Her mom is Y/N. We dated a while back, but… let’s just say things didn't work out." He paused, the mention of your name bringing a soft smile to his lips. "But despite everything, we're trying to work together for Nari's sake." 

"I can't believe there's a mini version of Jongho walking around this earth," Yeosang exclaimed, his eyes wide with astonishment. The room, previously filled with shock and concern, lit up as the other members burst into laughter. 

"Yeah, imagine a tiny Jongho running around, breaking apples left and right," San joked, grinning widely. 

Jongho found himself caught up in the infectious laughter, his shoulders dropping as some of the tension he had been carrying seemed to melt away. He said, "She's got my eyes," a clear note of pride resonating in his voice. 

Yunho, his expression painted with curiosity, tilted his head slightly, "Does she also have your voice?" he asked. 

A warm smile spread across Jongho's face as he spoke. "She's definitely got some musical talent. Y/N told me she loves singing along to our songs." 

"Looks like we've got a future idol in the making," Hongjoong remarked, a twinkle of excitement in his eyes. 

Seonghwa leaned in, a playful smirk on his face. "So, Jongho, when are we going to teach her the choreography for our next comeback?" 

"One step at a time, guys," Jongho chuckled. "First, I need to actually get to know her better." 

Mingi nudged him with his elbow. "You know, this means you'll have to take her to one of our dance practices. She must see her dad in action." 

"She would love that," Jongho admitted, his heart warming at the thought. 

"I honestly thought Seonghwa, with his baby fever, would have a baby first," Wooyoung laughed, resulting in a smack from Seonghwa. 

"Ya, Wooyoung!" Seonghwa responded in mock outrage, though the corners of his mouth lifted into an amused smile. "Just because I like kids doesn't mean I'm ready to have one yet." 

Hongjoong couldn't resist joining in on the friendly banter. "And who in their right mind would want to have a child with Seonghwa?" he teased, a playful grin spreading across his face. 

In response, Seonghwa fixed him with a mock stern look. "Watch it, Hongjoong," he warned with a playful glint in his eyes, "Or I'll make sure you're the first one to babysit." 

The room filled with laughter again, the light-hearted teasing helping to diffuse any lingering tension. 

"You know," Wooyoung said, still chuckling, "if Seonghwa did have a kid, that kid would be the most spoiled child on the planet." 

"Only the best for my imaginary child," Seonghwa retorted with a smirk. The room erupted in laughter again, the playful banter easing the tension even more. 

Jongho couldn't help but laugh along with them, feeling a deep sense of gratitude for his friends' support and humor. "Thanks, guys," he said, his voice filled with emotion. "I really appreciate all of you." 

"Seriously, though," Mingi said, looking at Jongho with a sincere expression. "We’re all here for you. Anything you need, just let us know." 

"Yeah," Yeosang chimed in. "We’re Uncle Ateez now. We'll spoil her rotten." 

Jongho’s heart swelled with gratitude. "It means a lot to me. I was nervous about telling you all, but your support means everything." 

Hongjoong nodded. "We’re a family. We stick together no matter what." 

"Plus, we can teach her all the important things," San added with a mischievous grin. "Like how to prank you." 

As the teasing and laughter continued, Jongho felt a profound sense of relief. His brothers' acceptance and support meant the world to him. It gave him the strength and confidence he needed to face the challenges ahead, knowing that he wasn't alone. He had his family by his side, ready to support him as he stepped into his new role as a father. 

Wooyoung grinned, trying to lighten the mood. "So, when do we get to meet her? I mean, she's part of the family now, right?" 

Jongho cleared his throat, feeling a sudden rush of nerves. "Actually... you've already met her," he confessed, his gaze dropping to the floor. 

The announcement was met with a stunned silence as the members stared at him, their eyes wide in disbelief. "What do you mean we've already met her?" Yunho asked, his voice filled with confusion. 

Jongho nodded, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Y/N was at our fan meeting with Nari." The memory of the fan meeting caused a wave of realization to wash over the members. They remembered seeing a little girl there. 

"That little girl... That was Nari?" Mingi asked, his voice barely above a whisper. 

Jongho nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Yes, that was Nari." 

Wooyoung, who was completely dumbfounded, finally broke the silence. "Wait, so you're telling me the sweetest little girl who jumped right into my arms, that pure angel... is your daughter?" His voice was filled with astonishment as he stared at Jongho, the realization slowly sinking in. 

Jongho chuckled lightly at Wooyoung's reaction, appreciating the humor in the situation. "Yes, that's right." 

Wooyoung laughed, a mischievous glint in his eyes as he declared, "It's over for you bitches! I'm already her favorite." His confident assertion was met with a burst of mocking laughter from the other members. They playfully booed and wooed him, their friendly banter echoing throughout the room. The energetic atmosphere was infectious, and despite the weight of the revelation he had just shared, Jongho found himself joining in the laughter. 

"Well, I made her laugh," San argued, crossing his arms indignantly, "Everyone knows that laughter is the key to a kid's heart. So technically, I should be her favorite." 

"Laughter, huh?" Wooyoung retorted with a smirk, "Well, I actually got a hug from her. Physical contact beats laughter any day." 

Yunho decided to chime in, "Guys, I think we're all forgetting that I'm the one who gave her a high five. So, I'm pretty sure I'm her favorite." 

Jongho couldn't help but laugh at the ongoing friendly competition, feeling a sense of warmth spread through him. "Guys, it's not a competition," he finally managed to say, his voice filled with amusement. "But it's great to see that you're all excited to be a part of Nari's life." 

"Of course we are," San responded, his voice sincere. "She's part of our family." 

Hongjoong, who had been silently observing the playful chaos, decided to intervene. "Alright, that's enough," he declared, a playful smirk on his face. "Jongho, you need to tell us who her favorite is. A man's pride is at stake now." Wooyoung looked at Jongho expectantly, a triumphant smile already forming on his lips. 

Jongho sighed, wishing he didn't have to say this, didn't have to admit that indeed Wooyoung was her favorite. But he needed to end this friendly debate, so in a dramatic tone he stated, "Alright, you got me. Wooyoung... you are indeed Nari's favorite." A collective gasp filled the room followed by Wooyoung's triumphant laughter. 

Wooyoung's laughter echoed through the room, his chest puffing out with pride. "I knew it!" he exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air. The other members rolled their eyes at his display, but their smiles betrayed their amusement. 

The atmosphere in the room had lightened considerably. What started as a serious and nerve-wracking discussion had somehow turned into a friendly competition. Jongho couldn't help but feel grateful. His brothers, his family, had not only accepted his news but were also excited to be a part of his daughter's life. 

San, still grinning at Wooyoung's antics, turned to Jongho. "We're really happy for you, Jongho." His words were sincere, his gaze soft. "And we can't wait to be the best uncles Nari could ask for." 

Mingi nodded in agreement, a smile spreading across his face. "We'll be here for you, every step of the way." 

Jongho felt a lump form in his throat, his heart swelling with gratitude. He never doubted his friends' loyalty, but hearing their reaffirmations was comforting. It reassured him that he wasn't facing this journey alone. 

"Thank you, everyone," Jongho said, his voice choked with emotion. "I'm really lucky to have you all." The warmth in their eyes was all the confirmation he needed. He was surrounded by his family, ready to face the challenges of fatherhood together. 

"Do you think we will be able to properly meet her soon?" Seonghwa asked, his gaze filled with anticipation. 

Jongho nodded, a hopeful expression on his face. "I've been talking to Y/N about it, and she agrees that it would be good for Nari to get to know all of you. We just need to figure out the right time and place." The members nodded, understanding that this was a big step and one that needed to be handled with care and consideration. They all agreed to be patient and wait for Jongho to make the arrangements, knowing that this was a sensitive matter. 

The atmosphere in the room was filled with understanding and support, but Seonghwa finally voiced the question that had been lingering in the back of his mind. His tone was gentle, not wanting to intrude on Jongho's privacy, but curiosity and concern for their friend prevailed. "Jongho," he began, his gaze steady and kind, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but... why didn't things work out between you and Y/N?" Everyone in the room turned their eyes towards Jongho, waiting patiently for his response. It was not a question asked out of idle curiosity, but rather one rooted in genuine concern for their friend's well-being. 

Jongho took a moment to collect his thoughts, appreciating the gentle way Seonghwa posed the question. His gaze fell to his hands, fingers lightly drumming on the tabletop as he sought the right words to convey the complicated history that existed between him and you. "I met Y/N before our debut and… well, you can imagine how that was," Jongho began, his voice trailing off as he lowered his gaze to look at his hands. Speaking about it was more difficult than he had anticipated. He had spent countless nights pondering over whether he should've allowed himself to get so close to you, especially right before ATEEZ's debut. He knew he had risked not just his career, but also the harmony within the group. However, he also understood that honesty was crucial. If the boys knew about Nari, they should also know about his past relationship with you. 

Mingi broke the thoughtful silence that had settled over the room, drawing everyone's attention to him. "So, the infamous dating ban?" he asked, his voice echoing softly in the quiet space. 

"Yes, the dating ban," Jongho confirmed. There was a trace of melancholy in his voice, his lips curling into a sad smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. 

Wooyoung let out an exaggerated sigh. "Dating ban was such bullshit," he complained. Jongho chuckled at Wooyoung's dramatic sigh. He found a sense of solidarity in Wooyoung's words and nodded in agreement, his response a silent testament to their shared sentiments. 

"Well, if there's anyone here who should be talking, it's definitely you," San interjected, causing Wooyoung to furrow his brows in confusion, not quite grasping the implication of his words. Without skipping a beat, San continued, "I mean, I believe we all remember that you had a boyfriend back then. It's not exactly a secret, is it?" 

Wooyoung's eyes widened, a look of surprise flashing across his face. He opened his mouth to respond, but no words came out. He glanced at Yeosang, who was trying to suppress a grin, and then at Mingi, who simply shrugged, a knowing smile on his face. 

"Wait, you knew about that?" Wooyoung asked, his voice filled with disbelief. 

"Of course, we did," Yunho replied matter-of-factly. "You weren't exactly subtle, Wooyoung." 

"Yeah," Jongho added, his grin widening. "Your secret rendezvous weren't as secret as you thought." 

Wooyoung groaned, burying his face in his hands. "I can't believe you guys knew all along and didn't say anything." 

"Well," San said, trying to suppress his laughter. "It wasn't our place to say anything. And besides, it was kind of fun watching you think you were getting away with it." 

Just as Wooyoung was gathering his thoughts, preparing to open his mouth to speak, Yeosang, with a sly grin on his face, suddenly interjected. He smoothly diverted the conversation to a memorable event, saying, "I remember this one time when we were recording the music video for Deja Vu." Yeosang continued, his tone teasing, "You came to set sporting this huge hickey, it was impossible to miss." He laughed and added, "You really thought you had fooled us when you blamed it on the stylist, claiming that you were accidentally burned by a hair curler, didn't you?" 

Wooyoung's face flushed a deep red as he stammered, trying to find a way to defend himself. "I... I mean... it... it was a believable excuse, wasn't it?" He blurted out, his voice wavering slightly. The room erupted in laughter, each member clutching their stomachs as they bent over in mirth. The memory of Wooyoung's failed attempt at deception amplified the hilarity of the situation, and even Wooyoung himself couldn't help but join in the laughter. 

Mingi decided it was time to share his piece of information. "Well…" he began, drawing out the word to create a sense of suspense among his friends. After a dramatic pause, he continued, "Wooyoung wasn't the only one in a relationship." 

As these words left his lips, all eyes in the room turned to him, their attention now fully captivated. After enjoying a moment of being the center of attention, Mingi finally added the crucial piece of information. "Yunho was dating too," he revealed, his voice echoing in the sudden silence that followed. 

The room fell silent for a moment, all eyes turning towards Yunho. The surprise on their faces was comical, but the atmosphere was far from tense. There was no judgement in their gazes, just a mild shock and a lot of curiosity. Yunho simply shrugged, a small, sheepish smile spreading across his face. "Yeah," he admitted, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment. "I was seeing someone back then too." 

The announcement was met with a range of reactions. San whistled, a playful smirk on his face. Seonghwa, on the other hand, let out a light chuckle. "I knew it," he said, pointing a finger at Yunho. "I could tell there was someone on your mind." 

"So, the girl with pink hair, right?" Yeosang asked, a wide grin spreading across his face. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, his eyes dancing with amusement. His gaze was fixed on Yunho, who was visibly taken aback by the sudden inquiry. "The one who was our assistant when we were shooting Kingdom?" He continued, the question lingering in the air, adding an element of suspense to the conversation. Yunho shifted uncomfortably in his seat, the unexpected spotlight making him squirm. He scratched the back of his head, a nervous chuckle escaping his lips as his eyes darted around the room, meeting the curious gazes of his bandmates. From the corner of his eye, he could see Jongho trying to suppress a grin, clearly enjoying the sudden turn of events. Yeosang leaned back in his seat, the satisfied smirk on his face signifying his victory. 

"How did you... know?" Yunho asked, his eyes wide with surprise. His voice echoed softly amidst the silence that had fallen upon the room. 

San, a grin playing at the corners of his mouth, turned his attention to Yeosang, who was enjoying his moment in the spotlight. "It seems like Yeosang knows everything," he voiced out, a note of amusement in his tone. His words hung in the air, drawing a round of chuckles from the other members. 

Yeosang, a smirk tugging at his lips, leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes sparkled with amusement as he met San's gaze, clearly enjoying the unexpected attention. His laughter filled the room, a sound that was contagious, causing the other members to join in. His response to San's comment was delayed as he tried to control his laughter, the sound echoing off the walls of the room. Once the laughter died down, Yeosang finally addressed San's statement. Still chuckling, he nodded in agreement, a playful glint in his eyes. "Well, someone has to keep tabs on you guys," he retorted, earning a round of laughter from the others. "But to answer your question," Yeosang began, his smile broadening as he turned his gaze towards Yunho. There was a playful twinkle in his eyes that prompted a round of chuckles from the other members. "I just have a good eye for detail," Yeosang responded with a shrug, a smug grin on his face. "It was pretty obvious with the way she looked at you, Yunho." He concluded, causing Yunho to blush at the accurate observation. "And let's not forget those late-night 'phone calls' you used to have," Yeosang added with a wry grin, air-quoting around the words 'phone calls'. "I mean, I didn't know phone conversations could get so... intense." His words, filled with playful insinuation, caused another wave of laughter to ripple through the room. "And let's not forget the mysterious 'noise' that came from your room during those late-night 'phone calls'," Yeosang added, a teasing glint in his eyes. "I mean, I didn't know phone conversations could get so... loud." He concluded, causing another round of laughter to fill the room. 

"Alright, alright, that's enough," Yunho finally managed to say, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "I get it, I wasn't as sneaky as I thought I was." 

"I guess the Dating Ban was bullshit for all of us," Wooyoung quipped, earning a round of laughter from the others. 

In a moment of sudden revelation, Hongjoong, with a hint of disbelief in his voice, asked the room, "Was I really the only one not involved in dating?" 

Nonchalantly, Seonghwa, with a teasing glint in his eyes, responded in a humorous tone, "Well, you were sort of dating... you were totally absorbed in your work." Hongjoong's question was met with a round of laughter, Seonghwa's quick wit lightening the mood even further. 

"That's true," Hongjoong admitted with a chuckle, "I was indeed dating my work back then." 

"Wait a minute," Yeosang interjected, an intrigued look on his face as he turned towards Hongjoong. "Weren't you seeing this one guy from Balmain? You know that guy with really cool tattoos? I remember you mentioning something about him right around the time they were considering lifting the dating ban." The room fell silent as everyone turned to look at Hongjoong, their eyebrows raised in surprise and curiosity. Caught off guard by Yeosang's unexpected revelation, Hongjoong found himself at a loss for words. "I mean... it was... what I'm trying to say is," he stuttered, pausing as he tried to gather his thoughts. "It was way later than the others…" he finally managed to say, the admission hanging in the air amidst a room full of intrigued pairs of eyes. 

Before he could recover, Mingi, who had been quietly observing the exchange, suddenly burst out, "Wait, hold on a second! Was Hongjoong the reason they decided to lift the ban?" He pointed at Hongjoong accusingly, his eyes wide with disbelief and shock. Hongjoong spluttered, his face flushing a bright red as he scrambled to deny Mingi's claim. The room erupted in laughter at his flustered reaction, the seriousness of their earlier conversation forgotten. 

"No, no, that's not how it was at all!" Hongjoong exclaimed, his eyes wide as he tried to explain himself. He paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts before continuing. "I had absolutely no idea that the company was even considering lifting the dating ban when I started seeing him. It was all just a coincidence, nothing more." Hongjoong looked around the room, his gaze meeting each of his bandmates in turn, hoping they would believe him. 

Despite the surprise that had initially taken over them, the members of the group couldn't help but join in the laughter at Hongjoong's flustered state. A tinge of amusement was evident in their eyes. San, with a grin spreading cheekily across his face, chimed in, "Alright, Hongjoong," His tone was teasing but friendly. "We believe you...for now." 

Wooyoung, still unable to completely stifle his chuckles, moved towards Hongjoong. With a comforting pat on Hongjoong's back, he tried to reassure him. "Don't worry, captain," he said, his grin never leaving his face as he looked at Hongjoong, "Your secret is safe with us." His words, filled with sincerity and a promise of trust, hung in the air, solidifying the bond among them. 

"Let's just get one thing straight, Hongjoong," Jongho began, his voice carrying a serious undertone that instantly caught everyone's attention. His gaze was steady, his eyes reflecting the confusion and a hint of resentment that had been brewing inside him. He wished he didn't have to disrupt the light-hearted mood that had settled in, but he found himself compelled to voice the question that had been nagging at him for far too long. The room fell silent. The laughter that had been resonating just moments ago seemed to have evaporated, replaced by an air of anticipation. All eyes were now on Jongho, waiting for him to continue. He took a deep breath, preparing himself to voice out the question that had been weighing on his heart. "If we were all, at some point or another, involved in dating despite the ban..." he said, his voice steady despite the serious topic. His gaze never left Hongjoong, seeking answers in the leader's reactions. He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts before he continued. "Why was it me who had to give up on Y/N? Why did you force me to break up with her?" The question hung in the air, raw and potent. It was a question that dug deep, unearthing a past that Jongho had tried to bury. A past filled with regret, heartache and unspoken words. The question was met with silence, the members exchanging glances, each lost in their own thoughts and recollections. Hongjoong looked taken aback, clearly not expecting Jongho's question. He opened his mouth but closed it again, seemingly struggling to find the right words. The silence that followed was deafening, all eyes now turned towards Hongjoong who sat quietly, his gaze steady on Jongho. 

"Jongho," he finally started, his voice steady and calm. "Our situation back then, it was... it was different." He paused, carefully choosing his words. "We were only rookies. The risk was too great. It wasn't just about you, or me, or any of us individually. It was about ATEEZ." His words filled the room, silencing any potential objections. He looked around at his bandmates, his gaze lingering on each of them as he continued. "We all made sacrifices. We all had to give up something, or someone, for the sake of our dreams. It wasn't easy, but it was necessary." The room was silent as Hongjoong's words sunk in. Each member was lost in their own thoughts, reflecting on the sacrifices they had made and the choices they had to live with. "I know it was hard," Hongjoong added, his gaze returning to Jongho. "And I'm sorry you had to go through that. But we made it, didn't we? We're here because of the choices we made, the sacrifices we made. And I believe it was worth it." Jongho remained silent, his gaze fixed on Hongjoong. He understood where Hongjoong was coming from, and he knew that the decisions made back then had shaped them into who they were today. But that didn't make the pain of losing you any less real, any less raw. The laughter and friendly banter that had filled the room just moments ago seemed like a distant memory now. All eyes were on Hongjoong, each member taking in his words and the weight they carried. "I know that I am partially to blame for your absence in your daughter's life," Hongjoong continued, his voice laced with a palpable regret that filled the silent room. "I realize now that my actions and decisions back then have had a profound impact, not only on you, Jongho, but also on a little girl who deserved to have her father by her side. For that, I am truly sorry." Hongjoong cleared his throat before continuing, "If I ever hurt any of you with my actions or decisions, I am so sorry," his voice filled with raw emotion as he looked around the room, "As a leader, I'm the one responsible and I wanted nothing more than for all eight of us to be successful." His voice trembled, and he was on the verge of tears. And then, in a voice barely above a whisper, he made a confession that hung heavy in the room. "I... I gave up on someone too." His confession was met with silence, a solemn moment of understanding passing through the room. Hongjoong continued, his voice barely above a whisper, the attention of the boys fixated on him in the quiet room. "She's married now. She found someone who makes her happy, someone who was there when I couldn't be. I genuinely am happy for her," he paused, his gaze falling on his hands as he battled with the emotions welling up inside him. "But sometimes I find myself thinking 'what if.' What if circumstances had been different? What if I had made different choices?" His voice trailed off, leaving the unsaid words hanging in the tension-filled room. Each member was lost in their own thoughts, reflecting on the sacrifices they had made and the choices they had to live with. 

"Hongjoong, I don't blame you," Jongho interrupted, his voice firm yet gentle. His heart ached for his friends who were shouldering an immense burden of guilt. "We both didn't know Y/N was pregnant," he continued, his gaze softening as he tried to reassure Hongjoong. "We were all in the dark about her pregnancy. None of us could have predicted what was to come." The room fell into a contemplative silence as Jongho's words echoed, a reminder of the unforeseen circumstances that had led them to this point. "And while it's true that I missed out on some moments in Nari's life," Jongho added, his voice steady with conviction, "I'm here now. And I'm ready to make up for lost time. We all are." His words were filled with resolve, a promise to do right by his daughter. 

Hongjoong nodded, acknowledging Jongho's words. "We're with you, Jongho," he said, his voice filled with sincerity. "We'll support you and Nari every step of the way." 

"And if anyone tries to mess with our niece," San added, a fierce determination in his voice, "they'll have to deal with all of us." His words were met with nods of agreement from the other members, their faces reflecting their shared resolve. 

"And Jongho," Hongjoong began, his voice heavy with the weight of his words, his gaze locked onto Jongho's with an intensity that demanded his undivided attention. "We all made sacrifices. Each of us, at one point or another, had to let go of someone we deeply cared for, someone we loved." He paused, letting the gravity of his words sink in, their echoes filling the room with a solemn silence. "Considering all the sacrifices we made, for the sake of our dreams and for the sake of ATEEZ," he continued, his voice steady despite the heavy topic, "you owe it not just to yourself, but to all of us, to fight for Y/N." His words were punctuated by a determined nod, an unspoken pledge of support hanging in the air between them. "You have to muster the courage within you, fight against the odds and fight for your love. You have to fight for the chance to be with Y/N, to be a father to Nari, to build the family that you clearly want." He concluded, his gaze softening as he offered Jongho a reassuring smile. "Because at the end of the day," Hongjoong said, his voice softer now, "love is a battle worth fighting for. And I want all of you guys to know," Hongjoong voice carried a seriousness that instantly drew the attention of his bandmates. "That even though our personal lives are evolving, we still need to stay focused on our work. We've been doing such an incredible job, and I couldn't be prouder of each and every one of us." He paused, allowing his words to resonate in the silent room. Hongjoong continued, "But moving forward, let's make a pact to be honest with each other. Let's not hide our feelings or our relationships out of fear." His gaze swept across the room, meeting the eyes of his friends who listened attentively to his words. "We shouldn't be scared of a scandal or of what others might think. We should remember that love is what makes us human." He took a deep breath, the weight of his next words hanging heavy in the air. "So, for the love of God, guys, let love in. Embrace it. And most importantly, talk to us about it." Hongjoong concluded, his voice filled with sincerity and a hint of urgency. "We're a family, and there should be no secrets between us. Let's support each other in all aspects of our lives, personal or professional." 

Mingi, who had been quiet for a while, cleared his throat, drawing the attention of his bandmates. There was an air of anticipation as they turned to face him, the room falling silent as he prepared to speak. With a small, nervous smile on his face, he looked around at his friends and admitted, "Actually, I'm... I'm seeing someone now." The eyes of his bandmates widened in surprise; their gazes fixated on Mingi. His words hung in the air, creating a moment of stunned silence. "It's still really fresh," Mingi continued, his voice filled with a mix of nervousness and excitement. "But I really wanted to tell you." He took a deep breath, steadying himself before continuing. "I'm... I'm dating a guy." His confession, delivered in a soft voice, echoed in the silence. The room remained quiet for a while as his words sunk in, each member processing the revelation. The atmosphere was one of uncertainty, as Mingi waited for someone to break the silence. Then, slowly, smiles began to form on the faces of his bandmates. Nods of understanding and acceptance started filling the room, each member expressing their support for Mingi in their own way. 

Wooyoung was the first to react, his surprise quickly turning into a wide grin. "That's great, Mingi!" He exclaimed, his enthusiasm breaking the silence.  

San followed, a soft smile on his face as he nodded at Mingi in agreement, "We're happy for you," The atmosphere in the room had shifted from shock to acceptance, and soon enough, it was filled with a renewed sense of brotherhood. The bond they shared as a group was stronger than ever. They were not just bandmates; they were a family. And in a family, love and acceptance were all that mattered. 

In the aftermath of Mingi's revelation, Hongjoong directed a playful question towards the group. "So Jongho is a father, Mingi is a taken man... Is there anything else you guys are hiding?" His tone was light, but there was a hint of curiosity in his eyes as he scanned the room. 

Seonghwa, with a broad grin on his face, let out a chuckle that echoed through the room, breaking the silence that had momentarily settled. "Well, we all are uncles now, that's a new one," he remarked, his words drawing a round of laughter from the others. The thought of being 'uncles' was still a novelty to them, a new role they were more than willing to embrace. After the laughter had subsided, Seonghwa added another revelation, his tone teasing. "And Yeosang might just be a part-time detective," he said, earning a surprised look from Yeosang and another round of laughter from the group. "With the way he's been figuring out everyone's secrets, he might as well consider it as a second career." His comment was met with nods of agreement, each member recalling Yeosang's uncanny ability to notice the smallest of details. 

"And we can’t forget San's newfound addiction," Wooyoung chimed in, a playful look on his face. "Protein shakes, protein bars, protein everything!" His comment drew laughter from the group. San responded with a playful smack on Wooyoung's arm, his face flushing with embarrassment but a grin on his face. 

"Hey, it's not an addiction, it's a lifestyle," San retorted, trying to defend himself amidst the peals of laughter. His attempt to justify himself only made his friends laugh harder. 

"Guys let's also not forget one of the most entertaining aspects of our group dynamics," Mingi chimed in, a playful glint in his eyes. He paused for dramatic effect, causing the room to fall into a moment of anticipatory silence. Then, with a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, he finally revealed his thoughts. "If only San was gay, Wooyoung would have already married him by now!" His words, delivered with impeccable timing, caused an eruption of laughter to fill the room. The members doubled over, clutching their stomachs as they laughed. 

Wooyoung, upon hearing Mingi's teasing comment, was left speechless for a moment. He then burst into hearty laughter, his face flushing a deep shade of red, but there was a twinkle in his eyes that revealed his amusement. He managed to retort between bouts of laughter, "Well, if San would have me, I wouldn't say no!" His comment added to the hilarity, earning another round of laughter from the group. 

After the laughter had died down, San, still grinning from Wooyoung's retort, chimed in. "Well, I guess we'll have to see about that," he said, winking at Wooyoung. His comment elicited another round of laughter. Then, with a mischievous glint in his eyes, Wooyoung made a kissy face at San, causing the room to burst into another round of laughter. San responded with a playful roll of his eyes. 

"But let's not forget," Yeosang added, his eyes glinting with amusement, "Mingi is saying all this as if he wouldn't risk it all for Yunho." His statement, filled with playful insinuation, hung in the air, causing another round of laughter to ripple through the room. 

Yunho, who had remained quiet for a while, finally chimed in with a chuckle. "Well, I guess we all have our secret crushes... or not-so-secret, in some cases." His comment, accompanied by a teasing look towards Mingi, added another wave of laughter to the room. 

"Thank you guys so much," Jongho started, his voice carrying a heartfelt note in the room filled with his bandmates. "I know that this is the beginning of something new for me. Things are going to change, my life will definitely take a significant turn." He paused for a moment, his words hanging in the air as he collected his thoughts. "But to know that I have the support of my bandmates, my brothers," he continued, his voice stronger now. "It means more than I can express. It gives me strength and confidence to face the challenges that lie ahead. To know that I'm not alone in this journey, that I have you guys standing by my side, it means the world to me."

"Eight make one, right?" Mingi smiled at Jongho, his words echoing the sentiment they all held close in their hearts.

"That's the spirit!" Yeosang chimed in, his smile matching the warmth in his voice. "We're a team, a family. We've been through a lot together and we'll continue to face whatever comes our way, together." The room was filled with nods of agreement and smiles around. The atmosphere was light, yet filled with a profound sense of unity and resolve. They were more than just a band – they were a family, bound not just by their shared dreams and experiences, but by the love and respect they held for each other.

"Let's continue to work hard, for ourselves, for ATEEZ, and for ATINY," Wooyoung voiced out, his tone determined yet filled with heartfelt sincerity. His words were met with a chorus of agreement, each member expressing their shared commitment to their dreams and to their fans.

"We've come a long way, haven't we?" San mused, a nostalgic smile tugging at his lips. His words prompted a round of nods, each member reminiscing about their journey – the struggles they had faced, the victories they had celebrated, and the countless memories they had created together.

"And we still have a long way to go," Hongjoong added, his voice ringing with determination. His words were met with nods of agreement, the resolve in his voice reflecting in the eyes of his bandmates.

"But as long as we have each other, we can face anything," Yunho concluded, his gaze meeting each of his bandmates in turn. His words, filled with conviction and unwavering faith, hung in the air, solidifying the bond among them.

"I hate to say it but could we maybe... do a group hug?" Jongho suggested his voice barely above a whisper. He hadn't even finished his sentence when Wooyoung, unable to contain his excitement, was already all over him, pulling him into a tight embrace. The others quickly joined in, forming a tight huddle around Jongho, their laughter and chatter filling the room.

In the comfort of the group hug, each member felt a sense of relief and unity. They were there for each other, through thick and thin, a testament to their unbreakable bond.

"Eight makes one team!" Hongjoong shouted, his voice echoing in the room. The rest of the members joined in, their voices blending into a chorus that filled the room with a sense of unity.

[girlactionfigure]

ANTISEMITIC BIAS 

Many antisemites don’t consciously dislike Jews. They might even think highly of Jews. For example, they might believe “positive” stereotypes of Jews, such as that Jews are good at business or good with money. They might have Jewish friends. They might like “some” Jews. But they still cause tremendous damage to the Jewish community. 

“Biases” can be defined as “an inclination or prejudice for or against one person or group.”

Unconscious biases are known as implicit biases. We all have implicit biases (whether negative or positive) in the way that we interpret the world around us. Conscious biases (such as, for example, the Nazis outwardly believing that Jews were “the inferior race”) are known as explicit biases.

Because antisemitism is everywhere in our world — in our cultures, our languages, our folklore, our literature, our entertainment, our media, and more — it’s impossible for us not to internalize at least some antisemitic biases. These biases, however, exist on a spectrum: from unconsciously assuming that most Jews are wealthy (implicit bias) to believing the white supremacist conspiracy theory that Jews are enacting a “white genocide” (explicit bias) to everything in between.

Because antisemitism is so old and so deeply embedded into our society and institutions (e.g. religion, language, literature, education, and more), that means that there is a lot of antisemitic bias in our world, most of which you might not even be able to see. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. 

ANTISEMITISM IS A CONSPIRACY ABOUT THE JEWS

Antisemitism can be tricky to spot because it works very differently than every other form of bigotry. While other bigotries see their victims as “inferior,” antisemitism sees Jews as both “inferior” but also “superior” or all-powerful, capable of causing every calamity from wars to natural disasters to diseases to controlling the weather. 

Societies project whatever they dislike most onto the Jews. In the Middle Ages, Jews were Christ-killers. In Nazi Germany and McCarthyist America, Jews were communists. In the Soviet Union, Jews were capitalists. In Nazi Germany and during the rise of the scientific racism period, Jews were the inferior race. To white supremacists, Jews are not white. To left-wing anti-Zionists, Jews are white. For centuries in Europe, Jews were untrustworthy foreigners from Palestine. But today among anti-Zionists, Jews are Europeans colonizing Palestine. We are whatever makes us the perfect scapegoat at any given time. 

It’s no coincidence, then, that antisemitism tends to surge most when societies are in upheaval. After all, the leaders need someone to blame. Examples of this include the Germans’ blaming Jews for Germany’s suffering post-World War I, as well as the rise of the “Deadly Exchange” conspiracy which blames Israel for police brutality in the United States, following George Floyd’s murder. 

Antisemitism moves through conspiracy theories. Most notably, since to the antisemite, Jews are all-powerful, the most prevalent and deeply ingrained antisemitic conspiracies have to do with Jews and wealth and power. In the Middle Ages, for example, Europeans believed that Jews aimed to subvert Christendom. Since the 1920s, antisemitic leaders in the Arab world have rallied their followers behind the conspiracy that Jews intend to destroy Al-Aqsa Mosque and usurp Islamic lands. White supremacists — and far left anti-Zionists — today believe the “Zionist Occupied Government” conspiracy, which accuses Jews of controlling and manipulating the American government for their benefit. 

Given the pervasiveness of conspiracies regarding Jews and power, antisemitism is nearly impossible to address without triggering more antisemitism. If an antisemite faces consequences for their actions, antisemites will use this as “proof” that it’s the all-powerful Jews that have imposed these consequences. This makes antisemitism a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

BIGOTRY WON'T ALWAYS BE OBVIOUS TO YOU

Most of us want to do the right thing. The problem is that bigotry — whether antisemitism or something else — doesn’t come with a flashing neon sign that says “this is bigoted! Call it out!” Instead, bigotry persists because entire societies convince themselves that their bigoted worldview is somehow justified. This is especially true of antisemitism. Antisemites throughout history have long persecuted Jews under the guise of seeking justice. 

For instance, since the Middle Ages, Jews have been periodically persecuted on the accusation that they killed a Christian or Muslim child for ritual purposes. In other words, antisemites were seeking “justice” for these children that the Jews allegedly killed. This antisemitic trope is called “blood libel” and has led to the deaths of millions of Jews. It’s safe to say that these murderous antisemites fully believed that they were doing the “right thing.” Some examples of historic blood libels that have resulted in violence against Jews include the William of Norwich blood libel (1144), the Damascus Affair (1840), and the Kielce Pogrom (1946). 

During the Bubonic Plague, Jews were persecuted under the false accusation that they were “poisoning the wells” and sickening the gentile population of Europe. Once again, the persecution of Jews was seen as just.

During the Nuremberg Trials, high-ranking Nazi officers testified that they believed that Jews were a danger to the safety of the German people and the German nation. In other words, they justified their mass extermination of Jew under the guise of “protecting” the people of Germany. 

The list goes on and on. Is it possible that today you too have been made to believe that violence against Jews — Zionists, Israelis — is a just cause? 

THE NAZI FALLACY

A few years ago, the notorious antisemite Shaun King argued with a Holocaust survivor on Twitter. When accused of antisemitism, he retorted, “I can’t be an antisemite. I fight Nazis every day!” But anyone even remotely familiar with antisemitism or Jewish history will know that Nazis were far from the Jews’ only historic oppressors. You don’t have to be a Nazi to be an antisemite. In fact, most antisemites are not Nazis.Not even close. 

Nazism is just one manifestation of antisemitism. It’s a deadly one, certainly, but it’s also far from the only deadly manifestation of antisemitism. Jews have been killed by the thousands — sometimes by the millions — by a multitude of other oppressors. Some, like the Nazis, the KKK, and other white supremacists, are far-right. Others, like the Soviet Union, are far-left. Others are somewhere in the middle, and others oppressed us so long ago that their ideologies long predate the left-right political spectrum as we know it today.

The horrific images of Nazism and the death camps are seared in the world’s collective memory. It’s easy to think that if it doesn’t look like Nazism, if it doesn’t look like Auschwitz, then it’s not actually antisemitism, or perhaps it could be antisemitism, but it’s not serious antisemitism. In reality, though, antisemitism doesn’t go from zero to Auschwitz. Instead, antisemitic tropes, conspiracies, and stereotypes fester and proliferate, operating under new euphemisms and adapting to whatever society they’re in. Many of the same antisemitic conspiracies that drove the Nazis nearly 100 years ago are the exact same conspiracies that are driving “protestors” to violently harass Jews in the streets of New York City today. 

For many years before the gas chambers, antisemitism in Germany, which once was home to the most assimilated, well-integrated Jewish community in the Diaspora, proliferated in university lecture halls, justified and explained away in academic language. It wasn’t deadly yet, but it soon would be. When you dismiss any sort of antisemitic rhetoric because it doesn’t mirror the deadliest days of the Nazi regime, what you are actually doing is that you are contributing to the sort of hostile, conspiratorial environment that eventually made the Holocaust possible in the first place. 

THE GASLIGHTING

Antisemitism and the gaslighting of Jews go hand in hand. If an antisemite faces consequences for their antisemitism, it simply reinforces their antisemitic beliefs. Because antisemitism always places Jews in the role of oppressor, it’s nearly impossible for Jews to seek accountability or justice without being accused of exaggerating, crying wolf, playing the victim, or otherwise having nefarious intentions. 

After the Holocaust, for example, the second in command at the Red Cross, Carl Jacob Burckhardt, decried the Nuremberg Trials, calling them “Jewish revenge.” Others, like the Palestinian newspaper Falastin, did so as well. 

Antisemitic bias oftentimes makes it impossible for some people to see Jews as victims. If an antisemite loses their job for espousing antisemitism, they will then blame the “powerful” Jews — or Zionists, or another euphemism — for taking their job. In that way, they turn the victim into the victimizer. This is a classic gaslighting tactic, which creates a catch-22 and is one of the reasons antisemitism can be so hard to combat. 

For example, in the lead up to the Holocaust, American isolationists of various political persuasions accused Jews sounding the alarm on the treatment of Jews in Nazi Germany of trying to instigate a war with the Germans. 

Sometimes we are even accused of provoking or exaggerating antisemitism for our own benefit. There are a number of conspiracies, for example, that the Zionists worked with the Nazis to instigate the Holocaust to justify the creation of a Jewish state. 

An example of the accusation that Jews play the victim is when we are told that we talk about the Holocaust “too much” — contrary to the statistics that demonstrate people are woefully misinformed about the Holocaust — or that we should move on because we “got reparations” (not exactly true, but that’s a different topic). 

Then there are the accusations that we brought antisemitism or antisemitic violence onto ourselves — something that we’ve seen on a grand scale following the Hamas massacre on October 7. 

WHAT YOU CAN DO

(1) Listen to Jews. I don’t mean just listen to your Jewish friends, or to the Jews you personally agree with. I mean listen to the Jewish community as a whole. Jews don’t often agree on much, but at the end of the day, we are a community, and only the Jewish community can fully describe our own experience. 

Don’t listen just to the Jews who validate your views. Listen to the Jews that challenge you. Don’t shut yourself off from learning because it might contradict whatever ideology you follow. Learning is a lifelong process. I promise you you don’t know everything there is to know about antisemitism (I don’t either! I’m always learning). But it’s your responsibility to open yourself up to new information so that you can do better. 

(2) if Jews are telling you something is antisemitic, then your first instinct should never be to distrust us.Can Jews weaponize accusations of antisemitism? Sure. Anyone can weaponize anything. Is it likely that that’s what’s happening? No. Antisemitism worldwide has skyrocketed to the highest levels since the end of the Holocaust. It’s a very real threat taking lives. You should take accusations of antisemitism just as seriously as you take accusations of other bigotries…even if initially you don’t see it. 

(3) I can’t stress this enough: do your best to educate yourself about antisemitic conspiracies, stereotypes, and tropes throughout history. The euphemisms may change — sometimes we’re “globalists,” other times we’re “Zionists” — but the formula remains the same. To be able to spot antisemitism, you have to learn to spot it. I recommend reading my post “The World’s Oldest Hatred” for more. 

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