#'youre doing xyz thing because youre trans'

[veggiesforpresident]

i think a useful example of like, “both things can be true at once” is like... im a cis woman and ive always been drawn to wearing mens clothes, i would borrow my dads ties and shirts when i was a teenager, but i never actually considered buying something for myself until college, when i heard another cis woman talk about shopping in the men’s section for just like, tshirts and boxers and shit. that was my “oh shit you can do that?” moment.

meanwhile, a trans friend of mine cites wearing their dads shirts and wanting to be like their dad for some ~~inexplicable reason~~ when they were a kid as like, a real Egg Moment that they realized looking back on.

idk where im going with this exactly. overlap in experiences is neat and its interesting how we all come to different conclusions about it.

[gibbearish]

are we really back to "oh you support (blank)? name ten people who (do/are) that right now or else youre lying for allyship points and everything you have to say should be disregarded". i thought we left that back in like. 2012 misogynist nerdbro culture

[charliethemanticore]

.

[corvid-on-the-rock]

my hottest tranny take has to be that I'm strongly anti-binder. I know, i know, dysphoria and all, but every single binder company is selling lies. It's not safe to bind long-term (as in multiple days, weeks, months in a row even if you only wear it for the recommended period of time each day). It just isn't. And the illusion binding creates, makes dysphoria worse when not wearing one for most people, encouraging them to bind (and buy) more, thus compounding on the inherent risk of binding and also pushing the idea that you have to have a flat chest to be a dude.

Don't get me wrong, if you like binding I'm not telling you to stop. I just think it is unethical market them as "trans care" instead of "optional undergarbs" and it is unethical to sell them period, especially to children. Due to the whole, they're still growing thing. Especially if the kids are on testosterone, their bones will try to get wider.

like i know saying all of that makes it sound like I'm agreeing with a certain kind of talking point but, i feel like we've all known for a long time that binders are not the solution.

[starlooove]

when a trans person calls someone a terf don't u think it's usually best *not* to side with the accused?

I mean I’m trans so I just disagree with that person in general, like the original post says that the way some of y’all specify trans women feels transphobic. For me it depends on the scenario but ig I’m letting shit I’ve seen on Twitter and Tiktok influence my opinion here, bc it’ll be a post saying “men suck” and someone will reply with “not trans women tho” and that feels grimy to me. Like you saw men and automatically thought trans women? And it’s not every case bc a post saying “good morning to women but GREAT morning to trans women specifically” is perfectly fine so to me personally it depends.

However my MAIN problem is that the person who replied has been saying weird shit on the original persons commenter all day 😭 like calling age regression sexy kinda weird. It’s obvious to me that even if that person genuinely thinks the original poster was saying something transphobic, that at THIS point they’re literally just targeting them, which no hate to u anon u prolly didn’t know that but that’s just my reasoning.

[powdermelonkeg]

Random thought.

You know that thing that happens with transgender before/after pictures? How people will joke about how "before pic looks like the most miserable guy to ever exist, after pic looks like the most beautiful woman I've ever seen" or something like that?

I think that there's an extra layer to it that goes unnoticed, beyond "oh, they're in the gender they wanted to be, of course they look better, they're happy now."

The biggest hurdle with being trans is doing away with what I'm going to refer to as "nonsense expectations." When you're living as a cis person in our current world, being your assigned gender is a series of maintenance and trends and norms you have to constantly restructure.

Women don't have body hair. Men don't shave their legs.

Women need xyz makeup. Men shouldn't have long hair.

Pink and silk are for girls. Racecars and flames are for boys.

If you don't like what you're told to be (and oftentimes, even when you do), that's EXHAUSTING. You feel guilty about wearing or doing things you like, or foregoing routines you personally don't want to keep up. Everyone looks down on you and it's an uphill battle.

It's nonsense expectations.

One of the biggest parts of being trans is that you look at those nonsense expectations, and you come to terms with the fact that you'll never fit them. They're dumb. They're overbearing. You never actually liked half of them, and nobody's going to praise you for keeping them up.

So when you DO transition, when you DO start presenting however you want, you build that out of things YOU like to do, rather than what society categorically assigns as "masculine" or "feminine."

Your appearance goes from being a chore to being a hobby, because you're building it out of things that make you happy.

That's also why I think the "cis+" phenomenon happens; when you toy around with gender, then go back to being the one you started out with, with the confidence that that's what you want to be, and it feels different. Because you've done away with the nonsense expectations, and now you can pick out which parts of femininity or masculinity you ACTUALLY want to do with a lot less guilt and anxiety.

It's all made up, and you can play the game with your own rules.

Anyways that's my two cents on it.

[drdemonprince]

can i ask for some sex advice? im a bisexual trans guy, i’ve been with cis women and had hookups with a cis guy where he just went down on me. i’m generally attracted to all genders, but sexually i find myself turned off/repulsed by penises and cum so i’ve only pursued hookups with ppl with vulvas (so far cis women and other ftms) or situations where i don’t have to interact with the penis. totally fine with trans women and femmes who are post-op, etc. i’ve just been worried that i’m gross/transphobic/a chaser? even though im bi i feel like a shitty person for not being into dick.

Hey, thanks for the question. I think it is a good thing to be asking oneself. I think that even if you were to conclude that your attitudes were transphobic, I don't think the solution would be pushing yourself to have sex you didn't want to have or trying to force yourself to "get over" the associations that you have. That won't work, and it's not your fault for having them. What matters is how we treat people, not what fleeting thoughts and emotions we might have privately, which is part of why it is so annoying for cis people to act as if they are persecuted for having a "genital preference" or whatever. The problem isn't their feelings. It's their exclusionary, cruel, often violent actions and the words they express publicly.

I think it's worth contemplating that many trans femme people have absolutely no desire to use their penises during sex, or can't because of various medical issues, and do not produce cum that looks anything like the way most cis men produce cum. How would you feel about a trans woman who does have a penis using a strap-on on you? About you two fisting each other? About you using a hitachi magic wand on her? How do you feel when you see a trans guy with a post-phalloplasty cock? Try to reflect on questions like these with curiosity and not judgement.

Maybe you will explore your feelings and find that there are still barriers; maybe for example you wouldn't feel comfortable going down on someone's penis, but would be happy to be fucked with a strap-on by someone who has a penis, or to fuck them. That's okay. Lots of trans women want exactly that kind of sexual encounter anyway. And lots more are open minded and recognize that T4T sex is experimental and free-floating and doesn't have to involve any specific sex acts. Negotiating these things should be done delicately and respectfully, but it is always fine to say "I don't do [xyz]" or "I don't want to do xyz right now."

I relate more to your question that you might know, albeit from a different direction. I have a lot of dysphoria about having a vagina; though PIV can feel good, what I most picture myself as having in my mind's eye is nothing at all between my legs. I hate receiving oral, as I've talked about a lot, but I'm also dysphoric about and disturbed by giving oral to a person with a vagina. I have also experienced a lot of sexual trauma that involved a (typically cis male) partner forcing or pressuring me to have sex with cis women. That's happened to me many times over the course of my life. It's also made facing any pressure whatsoever to have sex with women (either cis or trans) deeply triggering and upsetting to me.

All of my own personal hang-ups and traumas have left me feeling funnily very much like that one line from Saltburn, "Women are too wet. Men are so lovely and dry."

I do get into my head about it being super transphobic of me sometimes. But I have also had fun, carefree, experimental, gratifying, hot sex with trans men with vaginas. I might not be able to eat them out, but there's lots I can do. I can finger them, put my hands in them, eat their asshole, take their strap, suck their strap-on, kiss them, fondle them, play with their nipples, be fucked alongside them, writhe atop a single hitachi together with them, slap their ass, put a dildo in them, whatever. I just don't want to eat them out or have them eat me out, for the most part.

It would be highly understandable if a trans guy felt invalidated by my feeling that way or didn't want to have sex with me given those limits. that's fine. I understand this stuff is fraught and sucks sometimes. I don't talk about my feelings around this topic publicly often because it is so contentious and I don't want feelings to be hurt. But in my heart I'm comfortable with where I am at. I know which limits I have that seem immovable and I don't really want to push them ever again. Having those limits pushed is what traumatized me. At the same time, I know it's not connected in any way to seeing trans men as lesser than cis men, or as less attractive, and I know it's not a barrier to me having sex with trans men if the moment and our interests both align. I'm not a bad person for feeling this way. It's actually really hard to be trans and to be wired this way. But I'm doing the best I can with it to both grow, and not be an asshole, and also to find fulfillment.

[paradoxcase]

Someone posted on one of the reddit asexual communities a bit ago saying that they thought they might be ace for XYZ reasons which were completely sensible reasons to think that, but that the idea that they might be ace made them feel sad because they felt like they wouldn't get to experience sex or sexual attraction the way most people did, and was that feeling sad thing an indication that they weren't really ace? And a bunch of us responded that, nah, actually that's a pretty common experience

But it made me wonder, like, is that actually a primarily ace and/or aro experience, because those identities are kind of necessarily about things you don't experience, or do other queer people feel this way, too? Like I've heard of people who start out with negative thoughts about being queer, but it's usually stuff like, I'm afraid I will be the victim of a hate crime, I'm afraid my parents will kick me out of the house, I'm afraid I won't have enough money to transition. I haven't heard as much stuff that's like, I'm sad that I didn't live up to my expectations for being "normal". I don't mean like self-hatred stuff, either, like not stuff like, there's something wrong with me, or I'm broken, or I'm gross, or I'm sinning against god just by existing, but just like, I'm sad, I'm mourning some life experiences that I thought I would have that I probably won't have after all

So, I'm curious what other people's experiences have been. Polls have limited options, so I necessarily had to condense a lot of identities into a few groups, hopefully most people are included here. If you have felt that way about multiple labels, pick whichever one you want. If you have never experienced this, just pick the group you identify most strongly with if you identify with multiple

Please reblog this, because if it only stays on my part of tumblr probably like 90% of responses will be from ace people

[anameistoohard]

Oh boy, lets open that can of worms

There's a LOT of discourse with endo vs anti-endo stuff (endogenic system=plural system not formed by trauma if you don't know 🙂). Like, death threats coming from both sides kinda thing. We try to stay out of it. But it's easy to accidentally stumble into it if you're not familiar with some of the nuance. So we want to share some observations as like, a crash course. (And apparently we had a lot to say lol.)

This post isn't really to debate how plurality forms. Just to give some context as to why so much hate is flying between these two groups.

Basically, you have 2 extremes. (And everyone in between obviously)

On one side you have people making up extra rules on top of the diagnostic criteria to exclude and gatekeep anyone who doesn't meet "their level" of disordered. (I've literally heard people say "you can't be a system, you're not as traumatized as me"). A lot of accusations of faking come from this bunch. Too much internal communication? Faker. Too many non-human alters? Faker. Too many or not enough alters? Faker. You can't win with them even if you have a diagnosis.

We've noticed a lot of parallels between this group and transmeds. You need to have x level of dysphoria to ride this ride. You can't be trans if you don't want xyz treatment. You need to reach my arbitrary bar of "trans enough". Enbys and everyone else are fakers. That kind of bs.

But on this side you also have a lot of people who just want to be taken seriously. They want to be validated by their diagnosis and feel hurt when people say or do things that they think will compromise that validity. They, at least initially, come from a place of sincerity not malice. But they fall into the trap of trying to be "one of the good ones".

On the other extreme you have the wild west. Things people treat as fact aren't codified with the same scrutiny as the DSM-5 or ICD-11. This breeds its own confusion and misinformation. We've seen people conflate plurality with things like maladaptive day dreaming, lucid dreaming, adhd, and (applying it to other people with ferocity to the point of harassment) metaphors of all things.

They have a spaghetti at the wall approach that reminds me of a less extreme MOGII (an attempt to define just about every possible form of gender and sexuality). It's a messy patchwork of ideas. We've seen 8 different labels that all mean the same thing and are being used by exactly no one. Redundancy and hyperspcificity, that's the name of the game. But frankly we like this if for no other reason than we want to see what sticks, what becomes mainstream.

We've seen people from this group attack people as badly as the anti-endo group. Openly mocking people for having trauma or saying vile shit like "traumagenics kys". They feel threatened by the exclusionary nature of diagnoses. But instead of taking their frustration out on the systems of power they take them out on normal people. After all if you're diagnosed, you "represent the system"... I guess. Equally bull shit.

But this is also where the edge cases go, the exclusions, those that don't fit into a neat little box. The DSM excludes people whose plurality is accepted as part of their culture or religion. These people don't suddenly stop being systems just because they're accepted, but they're distinctly not disordered. They don't meet the clinical definition of DID or OSDD. Same goes for someone whose symptoms are mild enough to not cause "clinically significant distress". You also have people who don't want to be pathologized or have been failed by the medical system.

So lastly, a warning: When dealing with plural stuff, it's very easy to go stumbling into a mine field.

Tldr: I would always rather land on the side of letting too many people in than exclude people who needed the support. However, no matter your in-group, some people take things too far. Like, ffs don't attack people. 

-Taylor & Mark

[decolonize-the-everything]

I'm so tired of logging on seeing queer discourse (among other kinds).

They are banning books, self expression, and HRT outside. You realize this? Our government is building cop cities, increasing police budgets, and bloating the military budget. They dropped affirmative action, disability lawyers don't want to bring forward lawsuits because they don't want to provide the supreme court an opportunity to gut the ADA because even they know it's hostile towards disability rights, NYPD interrupted BLM over their permit to celebrate Juneteenth.

I do not know how to make it more clear that literally none of us have room to fuck around and those of us are that are seriously wanting to make some change are watching y'all like teachers in a room full of kids that haven't got the hint to be quiet.

And before y'all say "we can care about 2 things"

Good for you, but as a community if one thing has been made very clear it's that as a collective we can not split our focus. When we do shit like this happens:

And that's just the attacks on queer rights! And that's just this year so far.

That averages to over 100 bills per state targeting the queer community and our rights.

•••

Can we please focus on our collective oppression and solidarity instead. We all have shit to work on okay? Nobody is a perfect ally, even people in your community and yeah that's messed up! But maybe we can set that aside for the sake of our literal rights and lives. At least for a bit.

like is it just me or does it seem tone deaf as fuck to be calling members of your community ignorant bigots for having internalized xyz (that they weren't even fully aware of) when there are powerful, financially backed think tanks and white supremacist orgs currently spending every dime they have on elections and to spread as many hateful policies as they can? Esp when those policies are having devastating real life effects on real people and costing lives?

Like idk.

Yeah the lesbian cashier who assumed my gender is an asshole, but I think it'd be a better use of my time to address the crowd outside that's discussing whether or not to blow up the Queer Store I'm standing in. I will have my whole life to check queer assholes and educate and accuse other people of not being good enough allies to me specifically, but that's only if I do everything I can to save both our lives first.

For the record, because I know someone is reading this in bad faith: I'm not saying the transphobic lesbian should be let off the hook or ignored. I'm saying that her education is secondary to the much more urgent need to work together and save our lives.

Likewise I'm so fucking tired of seeing of the transphobic lesbian whine and complain about how her space is being invaded by evil trans customers when there is literally a crowd outside that wants to kill them both.

[problemnyatic]

Do you know if avery has a new blog/is planning to? I totally get if it's supposed to stay lowkey for safety for now btw

given that the last three anons in my inbox are TERFs gleefully misgendering her and accusing her of being a rapist, I'm not gonna be the one broadcasting that information.

Also to the nolife TERFs slinging shit at me about your favorite target: I don't care how vile she purportedly is. She got completely ERASED. harmless images, silly memes, every image she EVER POSTED got stricken. As far as I'm aware? This kind of extreme prejudice has NEVER been seen before.

There's no excuse. You don't just fucking retcon a trans woman because she purportedly did xyz bad thing. I've seen confirmed nazis get hit with less. I've seen nazis get let off the hook a lot, actually. This is a transphobic attack, plain and simple. Go fuck yourselves with barbed wire.

[doctordeathawaits]

hihi!! wld u mind transocd or transhoh ?? hav a beetl 🪲 -( :3 ) aawwfh ty !

TRANS - OCD . . .

Fun fact - we have cisOCD ! So this is mostly from our experience :)

There are a couple of types of OCD , its all up to you which form you choose ! Yet most include intrusive thoughts !

So , after you choose your types , let's try to think of an 'intrusive' thought ! Example : let's say a dollar will disappear from your wallet if you don't do xyz , write it down to remember ! Remind yourself , that every second you don't do said thing , a dollar goes missing !

Really surround your day with the thought - anytime you reach for your wallet , convince yourself that something is missing ! Start to count the money often to check if it's always the same amount - but no matter what , try to convince yourself that it's never the same ! Basically - be paranoid if xyz isn't done !

Start to do xyz , do it in the morning when you wake up and not think about the bad thing that would happen ! Do this for a couple of days , make it a routine of yours ! Then , don't do it for one day , and try to make yourself as paranoid as possible - every little thing that went wrong that day was BECAUSE you didn't do xyz !

Continue to do xyz for a REASON - that if you don't do it , the whole day will go horribly , and blame every little bad thing that did happen that day on the fact that you may haven't done xyz correctly !

Try to correct yourself on how xyz is supposed to be done , example : we always feel like we have to knock on wood when something hypothetical is said - if we knock with one hand , if feels like it didn't count , if we add the other hand , we feel like it doesn't count because of the time difference , so we then have to knock with both hands that the same time for it to count ! So make rules for xyz !

Do not let anyone interrupt your xyz - remember why you are doing what you are doing ! Be paranoid and frantic , convince others that the reason you're doing this is to help !

trans hard of hearing link

I hope this has helped , even just a little bit !! Stay Safe and Happy Transitioning !

[transmonstera]

I was telling a friend abt you and they were like "isn't he a truscum" and i - am wildly surprised by that concept. You seem very, "Everyone Should Be Trans" - and not at All "if you do xyz you're not Really Trans"

Anyways have a good day :)

this is absolutely hilarious because I have made Many A Post about how truscum and transmeds are chronic losers who have no friends. the amount of transmeds I used to get sharing my work and calling ME a fake a trans person while ripping the piece to shreds (usually pieces surrounding trans joy lol) so the idea anyone would think I'm that is very funny to me because while yeah a lot of my work features hormones and surgery... my work is oftentimes personal and I am on hormones and am post surgery so of course that's gonna be there. that doesn't mean I push the idea of if you're not on/doing these things you're not as real as me, it's oftentimes just a fun visual motif or for a specific narrative in a piece that's against the taking away of those aspects of transitioning

I have always said and will always say, doubting someone else's gender will not make yours feel more real so you can't waste time measuring people's "validity" by how miserable or self hating they are. transness is not about hating yourself, it's about loving yourself enough to live not just exist

something something everyone should be trans and everyone can be trans, validity or seriousness be damned. we have a rough time as it is we may as well have fun where we can

[roblogging]

Its not that i dont agree because i do but theres bigger conversations to have

I think theres bigger things in the world and your world than the reboot and those are conversations you could be having ie Gaza?

hi anon !!

i am SO glad this has started a conversation !! so fucking glad !! i've seen a lot of people discussing it on tiktok now (a lot of my mutuals too so ily). i'm glad we're talking about it now because as i said in another post here on tumblr (the one where i had 47 trans people reach out to me and tell me about the transphobia they've faced in the fandom) this is bigger than a reboot.

and i do have bigger worries in my world, you're so right. my world is so messy in so many ways.

which is why i discussed how to make This world, the marauders fandom, feel safer and more inclusive. because i don't want to be arguing with my hormone clinic about the prices being raised, as i do every two months when they're raised to try and steer me off of it, and then come home and "relax" in fandom to see people hyping up something that profits jkr. i think that's valid.

i think this is a valid discussion for this space, right? i think the "what about xyz" view of conversations is actually more harmful?? we absolutely can discuss more than one thing at a time but i do also think that the hyping up of a reboot of the franchise on which our fandom is built upon but claims to be entirely against the franchise creator? i think that's a very big discussion that absolutely does need to be had in a queer-based fandom that a lot of trans people engage in.

and because, as stated, we can discuss more than one thing at a time:

here is the link tree that is accessible via my tiktok (and has been for months). here you can find gofundmes for palestinian families that have reached out to me for support, charities for palestine, information on gaza, and resources for congo, sudan, and trans rights (also putting together a lebanon section <3)

here is a link to my "🇵🇸river to the sea🇵🇸" playlist on tiktok . the videos that i have made for palestine are all in there, and they all have resources in the comment sections (such as exchange rates, families to follow and support, and people within the fandom that are offering buddy systems for donations)

here is the link to my public favourites folder full of videos to boost, families to support, informative videos, ways to indirectly support etc.

and if you go to my tiktok here and check the third pinned video, that is for Haneen and her family who still need as much support as we can offer <3 (gofundme here: please be wary of exchange rates !! NOK is a very weak currency, hence why the amount of donations is so high but funding isn't)

i will continue to discuss what i believe strongly in, regardless of how many conversations that takes. there is no limit on support, and there is no end to change, and it is possible to discuss the things that harm us personally, and those that harm others at the same time.

what a silly thing to say i fear

[cannibalisticdespair]

https://www.tumblr.com/cannibalisticdespair/756868066294497280/a-lot-of-people-dont-understand-how-legal?source=share

This doesn't really make sense to me can you explain it please (only if you wanna)

Absolutely. A law requires legal logic. You have to defend it from challenges in court, and then if that defense is accepted that defense becomes legal precedent for anything else. It’s consistency. “It promotes [illegal thing here]” would be the defense in court. Whether or not that’s true isn’t important; what’s important is whether the court can be convinced that 1. it is and 2. that that it overrides the first amendment. It’s sorta like “screaming fire in a crowded building”, which is illegal and has gotten such a ruling. The first amendment is overridden by there being a belief it serves the public good.

So if the court rules “because we believe that this speech promotes xyz, it can be outlawed”, you have now established legal precedent that a form of art or speech can be outlawed if it promotes committing crimes. This is a nebulous case where there’s no proof it does, so any case where instead the media is explicitly saying “do this crime!” would 100% be screwed.

If you establish that as precedent for outlawing something, it gets to be used over and over again. Does your usage of free speech explicitly promote illegal protests? Revolution? Smoking weed? Any other drugs? Punching a Nazi? Shoplifting? Supplying HRT to minors where it’s not allowed? Minors being trans without their parents knowing where that’s not allowed? Literally anything else that is outlawed? Well then, they can pass laws against that speech with such a legal precedent. They could make it illegal to make, say, a song that promotes smoking weed. Or a drawing that promotes violence against cops. Or a social media post that promotes revolution. You see the issue? They can ban promoting breaking the law. That’s not possible right now. It’s illegal to break the law, but it is not illegal to promote breaking the law. You can have a record company publish a song by a band explicitly called “Puncha Nazi” that promotes physical assault, a crime, and it’s not illegal.

Then, when you challenge those laws, it goes to the courts. The Supreme Court has already set a ruling, which is then used by the federal courts as guidelines on how to rule. The federal courts thus will rule that those laws are legal, because the Supreme Court has ruled that it is legal to override the first amendment if speech promotes crime. The Supreme Court is unlikely to hear those cases and will leave those rulings standing because they’ve already said that doing it for that reason is legal. The established legal precedent set is that if speech promotes a crime, it can be outlawed.

The reason lolisho is the block is because it’s the only situation where this isn’t extremely politicized. You could get general support across ideologies for this, which means it would be the hardest one for public outcry to oppose. Consider the climate and all that. Preventing that law from passing would prevent it from going to court which prevents the ruling. Once the law is passed, it’ll be challenged, so it goes to court, so a ruling is made. Furthermore, it’s one of the ones that’s most likely to get a ruling like this from the Supreme Court.

It’s generally a small, niche thing, but successfully banning it would be the death of literally any speech or art that promotes breaking any laws. And we do not want to lose that. Any time you promote piracy, shoplifting, revolution, illegal protests, doing drugs, or anything else illegal, you are benefitting from the same protection. If you take away that protection, nothing is stopping them from outlawing all those too, because now it’s been set as legal to outlaw those. And you know they would love to outlaw all those and more.

[justapixelthing]

Something I think some fans forgot about Link

Link was created as a Link to the player. While the games do give certain hints at certain directions, Nintendo never confirms these outright. That means his sexuality, gender, even who he ends up with and a lot of other aspects are up to you.

Your headcanon for Link? Your (legal) ship for Link? Valid. Canon? No, nothing of that is canon in the general sense. Nintendo doesn't even confirm the most obvious Zelinks. Why? Because they aren't going to take that choice away from you. It would ruin the purpose of Link being the link to you.

He might have gotten more personality over the years, but still. If you see Link as autistic? As trans? As in love with xyz character? That is the way you link with Link. The canon of these things is what you make of it. Again, anything else would ruin the purpose of Link.

If more people understood this, maybe they would see that there isn't the need for fights over headcanons and these toxic shipping wars.