#(...maaaaybe)
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peristalsis - v



selkie!soap x reader. depression. strangers to "lovers." shower sex. cunnilingus. smut. manipulative soap. oysters as an aphrodisiac. unstable narrator. . Running away from life to the Scottish Hebrides, you meet a man who won't leave you alone. . Masterlist. Ao3.
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You watch him over an open book.
It’s an old romance, something from the eighties. Classic bodice ripper, billowing sleeves, tight corsets, mullets and heaving bosoms and all. Naturally, it’s set on a pirate ship, the heroine as the unlucky spoils of a merchant ship raid and the hero a lusty captain able to pierce her virgin’s desire for sexual depravity.
It could only have been more pointed at you if it had been set in the North Atlantic—it isn’t—but you glare at Soap’s back anyway.
He must be able to feel it, because he stands straight at the wheel, shoulders thrown back, occasionally flexing.
The freak.
You’d realized the joke he’d been making, once your heartbeat had slowed. Hiding the pelt somewhere obvious enough for you to see it. You live in the age of the internet—you know what it’s supposed to mean.
And you kind of hate him for it. Now, post-coitus, you can’t shove it away into a box—he is the most attractive man you’ve ever encountered. Rugged and handsome, competent at everything you’ve seen him do, seemingly at home wherever he finds himself. Everything makes him smile. Nothing seems to disconcert him.
And a nice big cock he actually knows how to use. Certainly the best lay you’ve ever had.
What every woman traveling solo, you think, longs to encounter on a solo trip across the world, but will never acknowledge looking for. An answer to an unaddressed desire; proof that satisfaction is out there to find, if it’s searched for.
A lover with no conditions. Someone willing to strip your inhibitions away, knowing your protests are only token.
You had not been searching. You’d given up searching.
And now he mocks you—with every satisfied glance he throws over his shoulder.
“Good book?” he asks, all casual and pleased. “S’ one a’my favorites. Tell me when you get to the naval battle.”
You frown. “You haven’t read this.”
He gives a little huff of amusement. “Read all of ‘em, bonnie.”
No, this is where you draw the line. A good cook, a good fuck, and a romance reader? No. No, you absolutely will not take this.
“Sure you have, Johnny,” you grouse, “you read every single stupid book on that shelf. Sure. Hell, you’ve read books that aren’t on that shelf. You’ve read every new release from the last six months, even. Why not.”
He looks at you again over his shoulder, mouth curled. “Aye. Needed ideas, once a’knew you were comin.’”
He says it matter-of-factly, with only a little bit of pride. As if it was a natural step in the process of getting ready for your arrival—renovate the croft. Stock the fridge and pantry. Plan some island excursions.
Study the erotic mind of the average woman to divine how best to seduce her.
Your frown deepens, and you lift the book higher, making it a barrier between you and him. Loser. Couldn’t he just go to the mainland for a few days if he wanted pussy? Not like it would be hard to find, for him.
You resolve to ignore him for the rest of the trip. A petty endeavor, maybe, but it’s the only one you can make.
But six hours is six hours, and you can’t read the whole time. Periodically you have to get up to stretch your legs, and the windows wrapping around the bridge draw your attention to the sea outside.
Johnny drives the trawler at a remove along the coastline, keeping close enough to the islands for easy viewing. The denizens of the Hebrides are out en masse, enjoying the clear weather, joyfully populating the land- and seascape in the absence of human interlopers.
Porpoises, so much smaller than you might have expected, periodically catch the wake of the boat, swimming alongside, playful and curious. Gulls loop in the air above the dunes, fronds of grass fluttering in the breeze. Gannets, stark white, arrow down into the waves, wings folded back pin-straight as they spear their quarry—silvery fish that boil the surface of the water in their frenzy.
Some removed part of you enjoys their pleasure secondhand. The normally-grey ocean is vibrant in the sunlight, crystalline and sparkling and as blue as Johnny’s eyes.
He seems to be in a good mood, too, although that could just be because you let him fuck you. You feel his eyes on you even as you refuse to look at him, dancing along the curves of your body the same way his fingertips might.
At one point—“Bonnie, I know you’re sulking an’ all, but c’mere.”
He gestures you over to the cockpit, and—embarrassed at being called out—you join him. He brings a hand to the small of your back, stepping behind you and pointing over your shoulder.
A gray wall of passing cliffs, and crags of rock jutting up from the churn at their base. You see ten or twelve grey-and-white seals lounging across every available flat surface, some cuddled in groups of three or four, apparently unbothered by the periodic spray of breaking waves.
“No’ where I’d choose to have a kip, personally,” Johnny says, sounding amused.
You turn your head to look at him, hard. His eyes soften when they meet yours, and he tilts his head to kiss you, undeterred even when you flinch away from it.
His hand tightens across your back, fingers digging in. He sucks your bottom lip between his and caresses it with his tongue, as he edges beneath the hem of your shirt to spread his hand across the warming skin of your back.
“I’m mad for ya,” he murmurs when he pulls away, blush high on his cheeks.
“It’s been two days,” you deadpan.
He presses up behind you, open hand sliding around to press into the low part of your belly, right at the sensitive crest of your mons; you can’t help your gasp when, at the same time, his erection nestles into the cleft of your ass.
“No’ to this,” he purrs in your ear. “Feels like it’s been forever, for this.”
When his fingers start making their way beneath the waistband of your pants, you grab his hand and wrench it away, scoffing.
“You’re just a fucking horndog,” you sneer, betrayed by the heat spilling through your core.
“Aw, you break my heart, bonnie,” Johnny simpers, but there’s a mocking edge to it. As if he knows exactly what you’re hiding.
You step away from him, folding your arms across your chest and staring out at the basking seals instead. Then—
“There’s one in the water,” you say.
A few meters away from the rocks, a round head pokes up from the surface, bobbing with the rise and fall of the waves. Its eyes are slitted closed, nostrils dilating.
“Aw, he’s bottling,” Johnny says affectionately, when he comes over to look. “Look at his wee face.”
You remember suddenly your encounter of the previous day—another lone seal, resting apart from its fellows.
“I saw one on the beach,” you say, “yesterday, after you dropped me off. A big one. You didn’t say they might show up.”
“Male?” he asks, and you nod. “Peripheral male, then. I’m no’ surprised.”
You sigh. “And that is…”
As if magnetized, his hands find you again, this time settling on your waist. It seems that Johnny’s touch is something impossible to escape, in his vicinity. He drags them down over your hips and back up almost idly, as if he’s not even thinking about doing it.
“There’s dominant males, and then there’s the rest of ‘em. Only the dominant ones get to breed at the rookeries, see? And the rest of ‘em have to wait around for the females to leave to have their chance.”
He leans into you from behind, nose in your hair, and you hear him inhale as his hands tighten.
“Once a peripheral male finds a female alone, separated from the colony, ready to go back out to sea—well, that’s his chance to pounce.”
You frown, mostly to yourself. “No matter how the female feels about it.”
“We’ve been over this,” he chides.
He brings his lips to the curve of one ear, then the soft spot behind it. His nose finds the juncture of your neck and shoulder, where the capillaries that he broke with his teeth still throb whenever you press your fingers to them. He inhales again, deeply.
“Why do you do that?” you grouse, unwilling to give him the win.
“Like how you smell,” he says, doing it again.
His tongue caresses the bruise before he closes his mouth over it—but he goes no further than to kiss your neck twice more before returning to the wheel. It leaves you reeling, half-dizzy with arousal, and when you stomp back to your seat with a frustrated growl, he only glances over at you, smirking, and laughs.
He finds a berth in the early evening to park the trawler, and at that point you’re thankful for any kind of solid ground to set your feet on, as well as enough open air to disperse whatever pheromones have saturated the enclosed space of the bridge.
You’ve been half-tempted the whole time to make him drop anchor and drag him belowdeck toward the nearest flat surface big enough for the two of you to share; as it is, you’ve simply stewed in your own juices instead, hot with angry arousal and ignoring the slick pooling in the gusset of your underwear.
Johnny steps out into the cooling air in his usual kilt and sweater, and you once again huddle in his jacket, aromatic with his musk, as he leads you onward. This time, unlike the last excursion, he insists upon holding your hand the whole way, callused fingers worming their way between yours, the captured air hot and humid between your palms.
Callanish turns out to be a henge of standing stones.
Meters-tall megaliths, squarish and narrow like broken teeth, surrounding a burial site and extending in two directions as if lining a road. Inevitably evocative of its cousin Stonehenge, with the notable exception that you are allowed to go up and touch the stones with your bare hands.
“They used ‘em for that TV show,” Johnny informs you as the two of you circuit the main ring. “Well, no’ these, they probably had styrofoam for that, but they got the idea from these.”
You lay your free hand on the nearest stone; it’s cold, and rough to the touch, a day’s worth of sunlight evidently not sufficient to warm it. Tiny spots of moss and lichen cling to the old stone, green and eggshell white.
“Why are we allowed to touch them?” you say. You think of bronze statues, rubbed to a golden gleam by millions of tourist hands.
“That’s Lewisian gneiss, bonnie,” says Johnny, laying his hand, much larger, next to yours. His thumb teases the side of your pinky. “Doubt you could make much of a mark on it. This rock here? Three billion years old.”
You look at him, seeing his profile. The expression on his face is soft—not unlike the way he looked at you earlier, on the way here. He spreads his fingers over the stone, tendons furrowing down the back of his sun-weathered hand.
“No’ just older than us,” he continues. “Older than what we used to be, a’fore we were us. Was there when we first made fire. Was there when we came down th’ trees. Was there all the way back when we left the ocean for the first time—”
He looks at you, then. The setting sun catches in the dips of his irises, setting jewel blue aflame.
“An’ it’ll be there, bonnie, when we go back.”
The wind curls around the stones with the chill of the oncoming night. Even despite the jacket, despite the walk up to the site—you feel it penetrate beneath your skin, deep into your bones.
You choose derision, to reject the shiver.
“And you have this all memorized,” you say.
Johnny doesn’t respond. He continues to stare at you, mouth in a relaxed, but inscrutable line.
You suddenly remember that you do not know this man; though he’s told you enough about himself to fill out his background—you don’t know him. You don’t know how he feels about most things, what’s important to him, why he may find one thing or another meaningful. Not the way you’d have to, in order to understand why the gaze he fixes on you feels so significant.
Whatever you’re supposed to understand in the way he looks at you now, you don’t have the ability to discern. The only thing that occurs to you is that, perhaps, you’ve finally managed to offend him.
It does not satisfy you as much as you might have imagined—
In fact, the thought drops through your belly like a rock.
Again. You did it again.
In the one place you thought you’d never have to face this—you did it again. Here is someone who seems to like even the worst of you, and you somehow found an even uglier side of yourself to show him, a squirming thing that cannot help but sling itself around with no heed for the damage it can cause.
But when you open your mouth to say something reparatory, something that certainly won’t fix what you’ve broken no matter what he might say, his expression softens into something thoughtful.
“Visited when I first came here,” he says. Completely unbothered. “After the discharge an’ all.”
You blink. Sharp heat and the numbness of cold, warring across your face.
“Why?” you ask.
“Dunno.” He shrugs, and lifts his hand from the stone, smiling ruefully. “I was a bastard back then. Didnae wan’ anything’ to do with anyone anymore. Mad at the world, a’was.”
Shucked like an oyster; scaled like a fish. Heat wins out, even in the growing chill. Tender skin scalding itself.
“And what,” you say, reflexively nasty, panic whirring up behind your breastbone, “you thought—you’d get some sort of, magical insight here?”
Johnny laughs. “Naw, a’was just pissing my money away, bonnie. Thought I’d come up here an’ try t’ knock one over.”
Tight chest. Can’t breathe. You step away from him, far away, hide it like you’re looking at another of the standing stones, but a stabbing pain spears upward through your diaphragm.
In—count—hold—out—
“Could you?” you ask, wringing something like a normal tone out of your voice.
“Nope. Paid for it later, though.”
He says it casually. He hasn’t noticed. You reach out to the new stone, drag your fingers overtop of the rough surface, imagine every little bump flipping the friction ridges of each print like pages of a book. Cold—the rock is cold. The wind is cold, and sharp with the smell of rain. The jacket is heavy on your shoulders.
The jacket smells like Johnny.
“I’m sure the park wardens weren’t happy,” you say, feeling your heart slow in your chest.
“No,” he says, and—with the silence of a lightning strike—“I drowned, afterwords, first time I went to sea.”
You look back at him. The wind picks up, ruffling the ends of his mohawk; on the horizon, a rind of darkness splits the clouds from the earth.
“You drowned?” you repeat.
The hem of his kilt flutters and dances. His gaze is intense—the angle of his brow unreadable.
“Aye, bonnie. I did.”
Your ears begin ringing—as you stare at him, you get the sense of dreaming. There’s a distinction to Johnny that contrasts the landscape framing him, a sharpness so focused that everything else lenses around him.
“Why—why are you here?” you find yourself asking, though you’re not entirely sure why. The question leaves you as if surfacing on its own power.
The corners of his mouth quirk—although for once, he doesn’t smirk at you, the way he always does.
“You tell me,” he murmurs.
He holds you in the tilt of his head; in the depths of his eyes, currents pulling you downward. You inhale, and expect, for some reason, water to pour into your lungs.
Then a gust of wind buffets the two of you. Johnny turns, surveying the sky. Breaking the spell, he says, “Come on, let’s get back. I don’ like the look a’that storm.”
Halfway back down the path, the front overtakes you; rain begins sheeting down, ice cold, needle-precise into your hair and down your collar. Johnny grabs your hand again even as you start worrying about slipping, and though the torrent veils the way, the both of you make it back to the trawler in one piece.
Back on the bridge, a red light blinks on the panel by the wheel. While Johnny attends to it, flipping a switch and bringing a microphone on a curly wire to his mouth, you squeeze your hair out over the sink nearby.
“This is Soap on the vessel Sea Ghost,” he says, and waits for a response.
“Soap. Drop anchor somewhere. Looks like a storm’s coming in,” a gruff voice comes in.
“Yeah, Cap, we noticed,” Johnny says with a laugh, turning and smiling at you. “We’re moored, dinna fash.”
“Good. Looks like it’s just for the night. Clear enough in the morning.”
“Barry. You got everything? Shops’ closed tomorrow.”
“Never will understand why. But yes.”
“It’s a holy day, Captain,” Johnny says pleasantly.
Price grumbles something about damn Catholics and their damn rules, which just makes Johnny laugh.
Then, “Gaz is here. Made it in after you left.”
Johnny’s posture shifts. Similar to a dog hearing the turning of a doorknob; amorphous attention coalescing, finding a target to point at. Anticipatory. Tail twitching, winding up to wag.
It’s a new reaction, to you—you’ve never seen it before.
Johnny lifts the transmitter to his mouth. He holds it there for a silent moment, before saying, “And Simon?”
No response from the other end of the line, pulled taut, as if snagged. Then Price responds “Haven’t heard yet.”
Something passes over Johnny’s face. Some flex of the muscle in his jaw. An expression held in check.
That’s—
That’s familiar.
“Alright. Back tomorrow then.”
“See you.”
He replaces the mic on its hook.
Thunder claps somewhere over the distant, open ocean. The trawler creaks and groans as the wind swirls around it. Yellow lamps illuminate the warm, wooden space, but are unable to penetrate the lowering blackness outside.
Tension—you can feel it drawing tight, see his shoulder blades shifting closer together. It aches in the muscles of your own back. He faces away from you, like you’re not there—
He turns to look at you. He’s smiling, but it doesn’t look quite real. As if he’s forcing the expression on his face.
“Poor bonnie,” he croons, looking you up and down. The tenor of his voice is saccharin-sweet and thick. “How’s a hot shower sound to warm up, hmm?”
Your belly pinches. “Sure.”
He leads you down a steep flight of stairs into the stomach of the boat, showing you into a single bedroom. The space is cramped, wedge-shaped—barely enough room for the double bed shoved into the middle of it, sheets and blankets gathered in rumples across the top. The unique musk of its occupant wars with the smell of lacquer; the walls are lined with orangey planks, evoking the sailing ships of old.
Directly to the left of the entrance, an open door leads into a small bathroom, into which Johnny guides you, hands on your hips.
“Go’ plenty a’ drinking water stored upstairs so take all the time you like,” he says. “Here, lemme show you how the taps work.”
You half-expect him, after the instruction, to stand there and watch, waiting until you undress. And he does hesitate for a moment, hovering in the threshold, before giving you a practiced grin, telling you to enjoy yourself, a closing the door behind him.
You stand in the middle of the tiny room for an uncertain heartbeat. Assumptions lurching. Almost—hoping.
His heavy footsteps climb back up the stairs.
So, you peel off your damp clothes and drop them into a pile on the floor, stepping naked into the shower. It’s far less mildewed than you might have worried of a single man living alone. Hot water chases cold out of your hair, streaming with pressure far superior to the cottage’s installment.
You realize your toiletries are still above deck, in your bag, beneath the two paperbacks Johnny packed that you haven’t gotten to just yet. You could step out after him—
You don’t do that anymore. You promised yourself.
The floor sways as the shifting sea rocks the trawler in its berth. You reach for the bar on the wall to steady yourself.
One version of yourself is sometimes able to fool the other. The truth is, you could have told him to stop at any time. Put your foot down, hard. Just because he owns the house you’re staying in doesn’t mean he gets to decide what your entire vacation is going to look like.
You scoff at yourself, without any humor. Vacation. Like you’d ever believed this was anything more than self-imposed exile.
The truth is, water takes the shape of the container it fills.
There’s a chill still present in your hair follicles. Impossible for you to identify until now; live with an ache long enough and it stops registering, until it’s balmed with a moment of relief. This is where the addicts begin; experiencing, for the first time, a complete absence of pain, as if it had never been there in the first place, and, once that pain is restored, the ruthless pursuit of its elimination.
Cold rain outside, warm rain within. You stand in the flow, listless. Steam rapidly clouds the empty spaces around you, gathering in droplets on the wall, drizzling down again.
That’s where the mistake is. Pain is never defeated—only deferred. Its panacea provides only diminishing returns, until it’s useless. Until you might as well be swallowing sugar pills or drinking seawater to assuage your thirst.
But you keep doing it. You remember too well how it felt. You chase it down because now you know how it feels.
At some point you have to understand that it always ends poorly.
The bathroom door opens again, and then the shower door, spilling yellow light into the shadowed recess—
Johnny.
The expression on his face is inscrutable; mysterious, as his gaze moves down your body, following the streaming water. Your arms curl around your chest in a perfunctory attempt to conceal yourself, even despite the futility of the effort.
He’s naked, and half-hard, a refrain on the previous night. One hand holds the travel-size soaps and gels that he must have dug out from your bag. He steps in behind you—enclosing the two of you in together.
“Sorry, bonnie,” he murmurs soothingly in your ear. “Had t’make sure we were tied up for the storm.”
The space is not even suggestive of being big enough for two people. You hear the squeak of the shower wall against his shifting back, hot skin slipping against yours as his hands draw you back against him by the hips.
“Dinnae want you t’slip an’ hit your head,” he murmurs, massaging the fat of your pelvis, as if there’s any reason to make excuses for what he’s doing.
Half-raised hackles petted down too easily. You relax into his touch, even as you disdain it. Your heart tremors in your chest.
“What’s going on tomorrow?” you finally ask. “Who’s Simon?”
Pathetic. A jealous lover, after less than forty-eight hours.
“Old task force,” he answers, kissing the back of your head. “Little reunion, food an’ beer, mostly.”
You half-expect him to go immediately for your breasts, or maybe your pussy. His cock is stiffening against the small of your back. But instead, he opens one of your bottles, squirts some pearly body wash into the palm of his hand. Rubbing a little to lather it, he puts his hands back on your hips, and begins massaging it into your skin.
Inward, up your stomach. Pressing into the soft parts of it, with the water slicking his way. His mouth touches the back of your neck—softly. Tenderly. With all of the languor you rejected the previous night, and not enough space for you to slap it away again.
His lips press inward, looking for the bite he left, which he lays his tongue on as if in contrition, licking it like a dog with a wound. The comfortable warmth of the shower swelters with his added body heat; the steam pulses in time with the heavy beats of your heart.
One hand slides up your body, fording your thoracic arch, the wedge of his hand ascending the length of your breastbone. He cups your jaw, bubbles between his fingers, one of your breasts nestling between his bicep and forearm.
He tilts your head to the side as he cranes his head further into your neck, lipping at the space behind your ear, kissing delicate, sensitive skin, as his other hand drags soap around your ribs, beneath and over both breasts, up into your pits and back down again.
A doll in his hands, bent along the shape of his will. He shifts his hips, frotting his erection against you.
“Johnny,” you breathe. “Johnny, this isn’t anything. This doesn’t mean anything.”
“Aye, bonnie,” he hums. “Whatever you say.”
He licks a hollow in your throat.
His other hand dips lower, sweeping down into the crease of one thigh to round the lower swell of your hip; then back up again, fingers spreading.
The stall compresses your arms close against you; the only space you have available to lay your useless hands is on his arms. The dark hair you find with your fingertips is coarse, wiry, plastered to hot skin with water. The spray seeps between the both of you, streams in the runnels of flesh pressed together.
Between your legs, your clitoris heats, awakening even though untouched. You give a small whine, and Johnny huffs a little chuckle in your ear, suckling your neck as his fingers make the descent back, rinsed in the falling water, teasing your pubic hair before nudging your folds apart.
He finds you slick and aching. He only dips lower briefly to wet his fingers, and then, as he settles a light touch over where you’re most desperate for it, relief razes through your nerves in a sudden wash.
You search for the back of his head, slotting your fingers into the ends of his mohawk at the nape of his neck. He hums against you, hand dropping down from your jaw to cup one breast in his palm, weighing it, thumb flicking around the pert nipple in the same tight circle he draws around your clitoris.
Orgasm, usually so obvious on approach, sneaks up on you, quick and quiet, but when it takes you it floods you, rather than knocking you down. You tremble all over, the follicles on your scalp standing on end, the nerves down your back and sides bending like dune grass to a wind.
Your long, breathy cry reverberates against the shower walls, and you lean heavily back against Johnny’s body, grip tightening where you have your hands on him.
He twitches against your back, but he makes no move to chase his own climax. He only turns you carefully, when you recover, and lays his hot, open mouth on yours, tugging your hips close enough to trap his cock against your belly. This time, the wall is cool at your back, the crown of your head moving against it as Johnny angles himself deeper, sliding his tongue between your lips.
“C’mon,” he says, when he finally pulls away. His pupils are huge, black dilation swallowing the blue. The spray fills the empty spaces between the strands of his mohawk, fluffing the hair a little as it courses down the shaved sides of his scalp. “Need to get my mouth on you again, bonnie.”
This time, when he eats you out, he does it at his leisure. Licking honey off a spoon. So lightly that you whine at him, find the energy to bitch at him to do it like he means it, but tonight he does not indulge you.
No—he mouths at you, eyes closed, curly lashes against his cheek as you lay belly-up on the rumpled sheets of his bed. The heat of his tongue in your cleft is the only source of warmth you have as the rain lashes at the outside of the trawler, but the hot shower still lingers in your skin—
Humid. Sticky. Sweat gathering beneath Johnny’s palms where he holds your thighs to his ears, as if mimicking the way your sex will clutch around him when he enters you. Slick and tight and viscous.
When he crawls up your body—nosing at your belly, your breasts, inhaling as if your musk is something he’s trying to get drunk on—he fucks you slow and deep. You stop being able to tell if it’s the storm rocking the boat, or the weight of his hips rolling against yours, one of his hands on the headboard for leverage and the other on your mons, pressing down with the heel of his hand to feel the head of his cock moving in you.
Tacky skin catching on the grind; heart speeding up as he grins at you from above, thumb tapping your clitoris. Enough to wind you up. You reach for his hips with your clawed hands, digging your nails into the meat of his ass—firm, muscle tensed, twitching every time he bottoms out.
“Johnny,” you finally beg, on the edge of a sob, “please, Johnny, please—”
Breath leaves him like a steam valve turned, pressure carrying an uninhibited moan. He ignores your plea, hips rolling slow, forcing you to feel every inch of him in and out of you, every ridge—every vein pulsing on the surface of his cock.
His eyes are closed still; when the widest part of him catches the rim of you around him again, his mouth drops open, lips pink and bitten.
Lost—he’s lost in pleasure, in the feeling of you around him, pulling him in. You watch his chest as it heaves, the flex of his stomach as it tightens—the twitch in the muscles of his arms as the impact of each thrust ripples up his body.
Look at me, you want to say. Look at me. I’m right here. Look at me.
“Again,” he groans, choked, restrained, hands gripping your hips. “Say it again, bonnie—”
“Please—” you whine, on the edge of a sob, “please, please, please—”
Thumb metronoming at a quick tempo where you need it—you seize, back arching, tightening around him so narrowly you could force him out—
He snarls, sharp and hard, thrusting into the resistance, hands falling to fist in the mattress. Breath coming rough and fast, sweat dripping from his forehead into the cups of your collarbones and down between your breasts. Hard and fast now, pushing in as far as your body will let him, and a final, long moan tears from his parted lips, liquid heat flooding you as Johnny goes rigid with a climax following only moments after your own.
Pelvis flush with your thighs. He doesn’t let a drop escape, pushing against you, lifting your hips from the bed.
“Tha’s right,” he slurs, eyes hazy when they open. “Tha’s right, that’s where it belongs.”
He collapses on top of you, almost crushing you with his weight, as he seeks your mouth out with his. He moves his hips against yours with shallow thrusts, whining in his throat.
“Didn’t you—” you pull your lips away, too hot, too cold, buzzing and exhausted, “didn’t you just finish?”
He tongues at your cheek instead, and then down your neck. “Doesnae matter, is no’ enough. C’mon, bonnie, wrap your legs aroun’ me, please…”
After he is finally spent—long after you’ve had enough energy to do more than lay beneath him and let him use you as he pleases—Johnny diverts briefly to the galley, bringing back with him a plate of oysters and a pry knife. It’s his bed, so you don’t complain about shell fragments, but you resolve to make him change the sheets anyway, shifting uncomfortably to find a spot that isn’t soaked.
“Was on this boat,” Johnny says, as if picking up the thread of a conversation only recently dropped. He picks up one of the oysters and shucks it open. “When I drowned.”
The way he says it, you’d think it was a casual thing, something he barely thought about anymore, but the line of his brow is low and serious.
He hands you one half; you bring the shell to your lips and tip it upward. Brine slides across your tongue, flesh smooth and buttery. Johnny watches you with soft eyes before having his own.
“Price was with me. I told him to fuck off, but he said he wasnae gonna let me take it out alone the first time ever. I was a bastard back then, I told ya. We went out in a storm, like this one, even though any eedjit could take a look outside and know it’d kill him.”
You flick at the edge of the shell with your fingernail, looking down at your hands. “Why’d you do it?”
“Dunno. Had somethin’ to prove, I guess.”
“That you could still do stuff like that?”
He doesn’t respond, so you look back up at him. He angles his gaze toward the mess of your hair—the new hickies he’s left on your neck—the bead of your nipples in the cold. The hard angles of his face soften.
“All my life,” he says, measuredly, “all I wanted to be was a soldier. An’ I couldnae anymore. Even though I was better. Hell, I was better than better. But I couldnae go back. That was it. It all wen’ on withou’ me.”
He breaks open more oysters as he talks, hands steady and deft around shells and knife. When he finishes, he slides the plate into your lap, and reclines to face you on his side, propping his head up with his hand.
“We wen’ out when the waves were as tall as a man, an’ us hangin’ onto the railing for dear fuckin’ life,” he continues. There’s a faraway quality to the tone of his voice. “Only life wasnae so fuckin’ dear, was it? I could’ve held on tighter, I think. I fell off.”
“And Price pulled you out?”
That feeling again, meeting his gaze; caught in the arms of a whirlpool, being dragged down. A vial in a centrifuge, constituent parts separating.
“No,” he says, “he didnae.”
“Then…”
“Eat, bonnie.”
There’s a stillness to him that feels unnatural. Johnny is a man who should be constantly in motion, gesturing with his hands, bouncing on the balls of his feet, tapping any available surface with rolling fingertips. Instead, here in front of you, he’s still as a statue. Chest softly rising and falling, but otherwise completely placid.
He gazes steadily at you, down at the plate, and then back up. You sigh, and pick up another shell.
“I don’t remember exactly what happened. I remember getting pushed down deep, real deep, then getting forced up again, on a current or something. Not far enough to get any air, mind. I thought, I’m gonna die out here, an’ I didnae want to.”
He shifts then, a little forward toward you.
“That seemed important, you know? I didnae want to die. Dinna think the sea would’ve given me up f’ I did. It knows. Sometimes it doesnae care. But I guess that time, it did, ‘cause after I blacked out, next thing I know I’m wakin’ up on the shore.”
Something hard shifts in your belly.
“Cap found me a bit later, bringin’ the boat in. Gave him a real scare. Think it turned some of his hair gray overnight. After that…a’was no’ the same. How could y’be, after that?”
You—you don’t want to know any of this. You don’t care. You didn’t ask. His story drops expectation on your shoulders, heavy, custom-tailored, laden with understanding that sands your abraded nerves.
All of this is too much. The damp sheets beneath you, the food, the sex. The fact that you picked the last place in the world thought you could ever meet anyone, let alone someone who—
“And now you have a seal fetish,” you sneer.
Who understands.
Indulgent. This is indulgent, reckless, idiotic in the extreme.
Soap reaches out, and wraps a large, sun-brown hand around your wrist, the one still holding the oyster. Pulling it towards him, he opens his mouth and then tips the flesh from the shell. He slurps it down, noisily, mimicking the sound of his mouth and tongue on your pussy.
“Something like that,” he says, with a sharp, cocky grin.
He changes the sheets. Dims the lights. Plasters himself around you as the storm blows itself out, arm heavy over your waist, thigh and knee nested inside yours.
He’s warm at your back, musky with the mingling aroma of dried sex and sweat.
Sturdy. More real than anything that’s ever put its hands on you.
Johnny, who the sea loved so much it spat him back out. So treasured by the world that a bullet to the brain couldn’t even take him away from it.
Who, by the sound of it, means so much to the people in his life that they would follow him to the middle of nowhere just to keep an eye on him.
Bile churns in your stomach.
next chapter early access
a/n: two chapters left!
#soap x reader#soap x you#john soap mctavish x reader#john soap mctavish x you#john soap x reader#john soap mactavish x reader#soap mactavish#john soap mactavish x you#soap mactavish x reader#soap mctavish#john soap mactavish#mwritessoap#madi writes#selkie soap#peristalsis#'i'm going to write shorter chapters' writes this monstrosity#i am so not happy with this but we forge ahead nonetheless#hopefully I can get 6 up in EA next week. maaaaybe a double posting since the epilogue won't take long to edit. i think.
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Krang infection 46
PREV
Masterpost
NEXT


#rottmnt#krang infection comic#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt donnie#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt leo#my art#krangified donnie#ok I thought this was going to be the last update#but no lol#was I inspired by pinetreevillain?#maaaaybe#although this is like the budget version#1 dollar store quality#due to me being lazy and not knowing what I'm doing
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i think it was fated to be this way
Jimmy - Scar - Joel
Lizzie - Ren - BigB
Skizz - Impulse - Etho - Tango
Cleo - Bdubs - Gem - Mumbo
Lovers - Fortune - Death - Judgement
#trafficblr#life smp#3rd life#last life#double life#limited life#grian#scott smajor#pearlescentmoon#inthelittlewood#rendog#zombiecleo#carrot art#maaaaybe ill do more? if im up to it
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jared padalecki and jensen ackles boston con 2025 - gold panel
cheerleading and (allegedly non-existent) short shorts
#j2#j2 cons#boscon#boscon 2025#if bring it on (2000) taught the general public anything about cheerleading it's you need dudes for big stunts#and it's doesn't mean anything about anything other than a chance to hang out with girls#and get to toss them around. and hopefully not be a creep about it#jared padalecki#jensen ackles#j2 gifs#jacheer#like i mentioned in the alt i don't know what Jared was using air quotes for#i.... see how it could be interpreted as casting doubt on it being his gf-which i don't think is the case#but i'm coming up blank on other reasons. doubting she was the captain? lol#j2gifs#mygifs#i was a cheerleader in high school and i was a base aka the person throwing and catching people#my arms were basically constantly bruised from being stepped on for basket tosses#my school was very small then though and i'm pretty sure we didn't have a key club - which apparently is affiliated with kiwanis#which i had no idea. i'd heard the phrase before but had no clue what it was#they do have one now along with a million other clubs because the school quadrupled in size since i went lol#i was originally gonna get the uncle jared bits from this panel. and then the double triple quad banger bits#but got overwhelmed and ended up in this section so here we go#public service announcement that jensen was not a cheerleader but did help with stunts occasionally#jared joked about using ai to make a picture of jensen in hs cheer short shorts out of the cannon but plz no ;(#and as a former cheerleader (aka a total expert 🤪) i agree that no he wasn't a cheerleader#helping with stunts occasionally during football games a cheerleader does not make#maaaaybe a little thank you credit on the yearbook page :p
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HIII HIHIIHI I MADE AN ARCHIE AU!!!!! i read the comics obsessively as a kid and have a collection of the digests so you know your girl had to combine them. yn is archie and sun is betty and moon is veronica ofc. except their personalities dont really align (i didnt want to make moon a stereotypical rich girl) so its basically just like teen romance shenanigans from the 1950s. they are silly i love them
also chica is jughead btw
#i have so many ideas for them#sun and moon brawl methinks#or maaaaybe i should just keep the original concept of the comics and make it so theyre bffs going after the same guy. thats also funny#yes the s just stands for sun#my art#sun fnaf#fnaf sun#moon fnaf#fnaf moon#moondrop#sundrop#archie comics#idk if i should tag it as that im tagging it anyway#archie au#sun x y/n#moon x y/n#dca fandom#the daycare attendant
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can you believe i also drew these almost a full year ago and then never finished them because i was convinced they absolutely had to be in full color? crazy. anyways. sword of fate part 1.5
part 1 here
#once again. thought these would never see the light of day but i maaaaybe kind of drew a bunch of new pages today#so now i need to post these for context for when i hopefully post the new ones#anyways. wow hi#loz: sword of fate#skribbles
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I humbly ask that when you get the chance, should u want to, please draw Dorian and Astarions wedding. If not, that’s completely okay and regardless I hope u have a good day!
ask and you shall receive <33
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#astarion#tavstarion#they're so special to me#maaaaybe i'll do a full set for this because i love it#and also the whole party in formalwear would be everything#now i need to draw the poor bastard meeting dorian's family
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Pynch Fic Rec Wrap-Up
35 fics you would be doing yourself a favor by reading. divided into 5 (+1) neat categories for your convenience.
GOATs
the best to ever (ever ever) do it.
Free as a Bird by pinkhorizon rating: M | wc: 31k (10 chapters) | musician au this fic is at the very top of this top tier list not because my heart was pounding and I was giggling and teary-eyed and overwhelmed and emotional throughout it - although it's all true; but because I obsessed over it non-stop for a week after reading it, and still think about it with alarming frequency. this is, truly and embarrassingly, my roman empire. if you ever read an au from this fandom, please dear lord: let it be this one.
Ronan is the lead guitarist of the Ravens, and Adam is a roadie. Romance ensues.
Friends We Keep by pinkhorizon rating: M | wc: 56k (10 chapters) | non-magical future this section of the list only has three recs, and this is the second one by pinkhorizon. this is not by mistake. in this case, ronan and adam are occasionally friends with benefits but continuously deeply in love; this fic gives you the kind of good pain that puts a lump in your throat but keeps you so, so hopeful for that happy ending because it earns it. for bonus points, it deals with mental health issues and trauma and just all the heavy stuff from canon in a truly superb way.
Adam doesn’t know what he wants, and Ronan wants whatever he can have.
Fall Back by flightspath rating: E | wc: 14k (6 chapters) | college au unlike free as a bird, I didn't fall into obsession with this fic immediately. I read it once and enjoyed it, found myself craving a reread shockingly soon thereafter, and loved it more and more each time. I only noticed how special it was when I easily passed the 10+ rereads. much like adam and ronan in this fic, friends with benefits whose feelings creep up upon, my deep pure love for this fic creeped up on me.
Adam, at the library, scanning books with a pen behind his ear. Adam, trudging across the quad in the snow. A recurring dream, all throughout fall semester, a bright spot in Ronan’s days.
Canon Compliant
* compliant with the original series; I tend to ignore td3's existence.
Of Being the Tenders of Gardens by shaenie rating: E | wc: 85k it's honestly beyond my comprehension how this fic isn't its own classic in this fandom, if only for its arguably unparalleled focus on the magic system and adam's powers and the connection to cabeswater. in short, it's a post-canon take on adam and ronan trying to bring cabeswater back, but not by dreaming a new one.
It's Adam Ronan takes to what he thinks might be a remnant of Cabeswater first.
Rock Me Like by zephfair / @zephfair rating: E | wc: 6k I read many fics about different aspects of adam and ronan cohabiting during the summer after high school, but I specifically liked how this fic alludes to their different upbringing in the more practical ways.
When bad weather threatens the Barns, Adam does his best to take care of his loved ones.
negative capability by smileymikey / @smileymikey rating: G | wc: 3k the general consensus is that these two find it easier to communicate through touch than through words, so I really liked how this tackles the way touch may present its own issues as well.
If Adam were poetic, he and Ronan would be spinning planets, constantly drawn together by gravity and the sheer power of the universe, sometimes aligning so they would be both at the furthest points of their orbits at the same time with millions of miles of emptiness and dust between them, but sometimes aligning so they would be at the other edge of their orbits, hovering inches away from one another, the dust between ionised and pulsing with tension. But he’s not. So they’re just assholes.
lavender and burning skin by deathlessaphrodite rating: E | wc: 8k very early in their relationship, spending time in the barns with the lynch brothers and fumbling around sex and communication the way god intended.
To: Adam Parrish From: Ronan Lynch Subject: (no subject) come round tonight? not if you’re working obv r. Adam stared at the email for several seconds before he could even begin to comprehend it. Ronan Lynch and email did not belong in the same sentence.
Between Eternities by BeautifulSoup / @thebeautifulsoup rating: T | wc: 12k (10 chapters) actually fucking brilliant vignettes of moments from the year after trk ended.
The world is waiting for them. Not the world they saved last night, but the other one. The solid, undreamt and undreamlike world of Aglionby and Ganseys.
Wringing Out the Hours by quietcoast / @sentimentalspiders rating: T | wc: 8k one of the very few future fics which gave me that exactly-right feeling.
It felt irresponsible to leave. He had willed the thought away, and breathed in the sleep-sweat of Ronan’s neck instead. He thought about the scratch of Ronan’s jaw, and the soft fury of his mouth. He thought about how far into the drive his first exit would be. He thought about Opal, who had hidden herself in the enthusiastic buttonbush that grew alongside the house; she had taken to crouching there whenever it looked like Adam and Ronan were doing things related to Leaving, and had gnawed an entire branch clean. She watched them as they swayed and whispered, and Adam had thought she would stay in the bush and not come see him at all, but he was wrong: at the last minute she had been unable to stand it, and had burst out to wrap herself around his legs. It was impossible to leave them. He had gotten in the car.
The hang of being alive again by Goshen (applecrumbledore) / @goshen-applecrumbledore rating: E | wc: 13k I can say with a good amount of authority that I've read every single iteration of immediately-post-canon pynch, and every single take on their first time, and this is just the most heart-stopping and disarming and gorgeously written one of them all.
Falling for Ronan had felt like going to speak at the same time as someone else after a long silence, two people bumbling over their words to say, no, sorry, go ahead before one of them says what they were going to say.
Roses in Between My Thighs by orphan_account (*) rating: E | wc: 6k I marked this with an asterisk because technically speaking, it's not canon compliant - it was written before the series was completed. but its grasp on the characters is so good that it's honestly impossible to tell it wasn't written post-trk, so I'm counting it.
Four things that could have ruined them but didn't.
Canon Divergence/Non-Magical
where the setting is close enough to the original universe, with minor changes.
Never Knock by burn_it_slow / @burn-it-slow rating: E | wc: 28k | non-magical adam goes off to college and unintentionally loses touch with his best friend ronan, all the while realizing he's in love with him. a summer later they meet again. also: all the emails adam never sent, but probably should have.
“We good here?” Ronan sweeps a knuckle across his lower lip and glares at Adam as if daring him to say something about… any of this whole situation. Whether it’s the destroyed car, the forgotten phone number, or the gratuitous kiss from a super hot dude with an expensive motorcycle, Adam can’t exactly determine.
A Strange and Complicated Thing by ungoodpirate / @ungoodgatsby rating: T | wc: 39k (12 chapters) | non-magical a retelling of select parts of a non-magical canon if adam and ronan started sneaking around to hook up first and became friends and boyfriends later - with a slow and excellent build of emotional intimacy.
Didn’t Adam Parrish deserve nice things? Didn’t Adam Parrish deserve to be pushed against the back wall of Boyd’s and be kissed like he was addictive by a boy who had the cheekbones of a model? Didn’t he deserve hands grasping at his waist with an eagerness to be held close that Adam had never known? Adam Parrish didn’t have many nice things in his life, and he wasn’t going to question this one that had happened unanticipated this one random, Saturday afternoon.
every dream i've ever had has been of myself by cloverspies / @parrishh rating: T | wc: 8k a different version of how their first kiss could've gone that literally had me breathless and kicking my feet.
Chasing down a mysterious address left behind by a dead psychic was much more attainable than getting ice cream, which was all sorts of messed up but also the truest thought Ronan had had all day, so he shifted into reverse and peeled out of the two spots the BMW had been taking up without even bothering to glance at his mirrors. He was already burning rubber, practically drifting around the corner of the parking lot exit, when he asked, "Where to?"
Every Stupid Little Thing by Diana_Dreams / @diana-dreams rating: M | wc: 10k a canon-divergence vaguely placed in the timeline in which floundering teenagers struggle through expressing their emotions. more importantly, this has a first kiss car scene that still lives rent free in my brain.
Courting. Jesus. It sounds like an awful joke. Parrishs don't court. They get girls knocked up and beat the shit out of the people they're supposed to love.
Alternate Universe
A Moment in Time by pinkhorizon rating: M | wc: 132k (20 chapters) falling in love, getting together, breaking up, pining, getting back together, all crafted by pinkhorizon's masterful hand. if you're still not convinced to read all of their works: why, and also, do.
Ronan likes being alone. Adam's looking for summer work.
(i’ll clean up) the mess that you are by ecoterrorism / @bartskull rating: M | wc: 5k there's just something about baseball au's and soulmatism.
It will work because Adam willed it so. Even when Ronan doubts God, he still knows better than to doubt this.
go running by thesehands / @ahotknife rating: E | wc: 72k (5 chapters) emotionally unavailable rich professional adam starts having kinky sex with his co-worker's brother ronan and somehow convinces himself there are no feelings involved. then it blows up in his face.
most of the time, ronan takes his crucifix off when they have sex. sometimes, he doesn't. sometimes, adam thinks he might be ready for a relationship. most of the time, he doesn’t.
light by paintedpolarbear rating: T | wc: 3k a paramedic au with the tangible sort of attraction that makes you want to read meet-cutes in the first place.
When the tones drop at four in the morning, Adam briefly entertains the fantasy of rolling over and getting more sleep. Then he puts his boots on.
seek ye the living by charactershoes / @charactershoesfic rating: T | wc: 40k (9 chapters) a fleabag au that I enjoyed with all my whole ass self despite committing the cardinal sin of not really enjoying fleabag. this deals with grief and religion and god-slash-magic and purpose versus autonomy in a way that changed my interpretation of trc forevermore.
Ronan says, “What’s the church’s stance on fratricide?” “Frowned upon,” says the almost-priest. He’s got a remote, orphan-eyed face like something off a prayer card, but his voice is as Henrietta as cicada song. “Although there’s precedent.”
gets late early by charactershoes / @charactershoesfic rating: G | wc: 18k I've already made my point about baseball au's and soulmatism, so let me add this: there is just something about authentic depictions of teenage boys and their repressed emotions. also, like, essentially everything by this author is gold.
That year, Ronan was Declan Lynch’s Little Brother, The Kid With The Dead Dad. That year Adam Parrish was The Public School Kid. That year Adam Parrish was God’s Gift To Southpaws. That year they went to the league championship and blew it badly. Next year, Ronan was Academically Ineligible. Next year, Adam Parrish was gone. Now, Ronan is a senior and starting catcher on the Aglionby Ravens. Now, Adam is back on the clubhouse bench, tightening the ragged laces on his cleats.
A stillness at once awful and sublime by Wisteria_Leigh / @purrincesscatitude rating: T | wc: 18k adam experiences a crisis and applies to be a fire lookout on an isolated mountaintop in montana. this is a truly remarkable lesson in interweaving canon into a completely alternate setting, which manages to be both beautiful and poignant.
It’s a momentary lapse of emotional regulation, if one is generous. An absolute fucking meltdown, if one is honest. When Adam comes back into his body, he’s lying on his bed, empty styrofoam staining his duvet with red chili oil, blank-eyed scrolling through his LinkedIn feed of job openings at Harley-Davidson for motorcycle engineers. He doesn’t want to work for Harley; he’s got brand loyalty to Honda. Also, being a mechanic again would be backsliding, and he is absolutely, most certainly, not backsliding. No, he just needs a sabbatical. A break from reality. Something temporary. Remote. Far from Virginia. Then he sees it: "Fire lookout."
The Course of Certain Stars by quietcoast / @sentimentalspiders rating: T | wc: 9k truly an exemplary take on adam's characterization and the existence of demons and the catholic church.
Once upon a time, Adam Parrish had not - if you’ll pardon him - given a good God damn about God or the devil. At eleven, Adam took for granted that praying did not mean an answered prayer. At twelve, he understood that devil was just another word for the man who lived in his house and shared his eye color. At thirteen, Adam realized that, actually, he was fucking wrong, that the devil was literal and maybe so was God. He knew this because one day, a demon crept into his parents’ trailer. As an adult, unmaking the rules of good and evil consumed Adam Parrish. Proving his experience was the undercurrent to everything he did. That was why it was so absolutely fucked up that when he did finally encounter a demon for the second time, he wasn’t even trying to do it.
Careful the Tale You Tell by shinealightonme rating: T | wc: 26k (4 chapters) if there's one thing I like, it's trope subversion. this had that misty, fairytale-like grimms vibe and incredible relationship development, but more notably, it managed to not be at all what I was expecting.
Ronan makes a deal with a witch. It's okay, though. He'll never have to go through with his end of the bargain.
This Is Canon To Me
a collection of short fics-turned-headcanons that you could not pry from my cold dead hands.
How To Train Your Fire-Breathing Reptile by pinkhorizon rating: T | wc: 1k if you weren't hoping for this during the end of tdt, idk what is up with you.
If you asked Adam, Ronan's latest dreamthing is absolutely not a dragon. (If you asked Ronan, it totally is.)
worship by ssstrychnine / @oneangryshot rating: T | wc: 1k do you ever remember that ronan canonically worships adam like his god. because I sure do.
ronan dreams stained glass.
oreos and peanut butter by lizpaige / @lizpaige rating: G | wc: 1k this is actually bronan in a pynch disguise, and I fully mean that in a complimentary way.
Adam shows up at Monmouth after work and Gansey is breathing into a paper bag while Blue pierces Ronan's ear with a sewing needle and an apple Parent Trap style.
Dog Days by cheeryos / @cheeeryos rating: T | wc: 1.5k I legitimately wondered about this while reading trb and was sad it never came up again.
Ronan picks up a surprise for Adam.
Unfold Me by cherishadamparrish / @cherishadamparrish rating: N/A | wc: 1k the idea of ronan pulling embarrassingly mushy things out of his dreams, especially after they have sex, is so important to me (you can also find this scenario referenced in another fic on this list, and it's great both times).
The entire bedspread was covered in a canvas of rose petals.
like a dog with a bird by charactershoes rating: G | wc: 3k so many attempts have been made at what this conversation would be like, but none have stuck with me quite as much as this one, so this is the Canon one to me.
The bruises at Ronan’s neck are fading, the pools of dark green and purple dispersing. Adam knows intimately the phases of a bruise, how the brutal press of fingers washes out dingy and yellow. Still, if he looks, he can discern where his nails bit in, where his thumbs pressed hard against Ronan’s windpipe. “I’m sorry,” he says. His hands shiver. “Don’t start,” Ronan says.
out of the dark day, into the brighter night by York / @ellipsesetcetera rating: G | wc: 4k I always wished we'd seen more of their st. agnes sleepovers and their burgeoning friendship moments.
"Blink and you'll miss it. I'm not doing this shit all night, so when it does happen, don't be fucking daydreaming and gripe about it later like some —" "I won't miss it," Adam promised. "It's not a circus act." "Ronan. I won't miss it."
Honorary Mentions
made me laugh / surprised me somehow.
i told the moon about you by broyals rating: T | wc: N/A (10 chapters) mixed media fic, told through fake social media images
ronan lynch and adam parrish grew up together on the set of the strange case of jane armstrong, and as their careers took very different paths the media couldn’t help but compare them every step of the way, creating a rivalry that wasn’t quite there. as they accidentally feed into the rumors, they must now get along publicly to dispel them, and get to know each other once again.
vanitas vanitatum, omnia (pro Adam) by JayJEx rating: T | wc: 11k in a truly unhinged post-canon universe that somehow almost feels plausible, ronan becomes instagram famous.
“You can’t really blame him,” Ronan hears Adam shifting on the other end of the call, like he’s moving into a more comfortable position. “You’re using your phone. Willingly. That’s gotta be, like, a sign of the apocalypse, or something.”
should've left my phone at home ('cause this is a disaster) by shinealightonme rating: T | wc: 4.5k the only thing you need to know is that I laughed out loud through the vast majority of this fic.
Most of the interesting customers that Adam meets are terrible interesting rather than fun interesting. The hot guy who can't keep a cell phone alive might be both.
#pynch#trc#the raven cycle#pynch fic rec#I finally did the thing!!!#let's play a fun game where I give you all these banger recs and you tell me what you learned about my taste in fic :-)#spoiler alert: when you're a seasoned reader you can usually tell within 10 secs of reading the summary and maaaaybe the first sentence#if it's a work you're going to enjoy#I am by my nature predictable in the things I like#v:text
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Teacher: Sorry for being late, in exchange, we'll end the lesson earlier
Jason Todd, aka 'Robin': (●_●)
(internally: *appalled* how can the lesson be shortened when we already began later, the math doesn't add up)
----
Jason Todd, aka 'Red Hood', being particularly mad at the Batfam over something: Sorry for being late for the mission. In exchange, I'll end my part of it earlier
#jason todd#red hood#robin jason todd#batman#batfam#batfamily#incorrect quotes#batman incorrect quotes#dc#dc incorrect quotes#incorrect batman quotes#incorrect batfamily quotes#incorrect jason todd#what he means by 'ending my part earlier'?#well nothing of course. it's just a joke#it's just a joke...#...ok#maaaaybe he'll just storm in there and take on the guys himself#remember that time when robin!jason stormed a drug lab and nightwing stepped in and got him out without shutting the lab down?#because they didn't have enough “evidence”?#jason was so appaled. why not arrest them right then and there?#oh btw the quote is based on a true story#a professor of mine said that#he also didn't care if we did the assignments or not. they weren't a part of the grade
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i know we keep saying “for us jews it’s still october 7th” but from the bottom of my heart i cannot process the fact that it’s been more than 8 months. literally my brain has blocked out all of it. i know logically so much of my life has changed in these 8 months but every single change, every good or bad experience, has been tainted with the massacre and the war since. i cannot feel normal, i can’t even process time normally. and i am a jew in the Diaspora. i can’t even imagine what it’s like for israelis, jewish or otherwise. geez.
#it feels like it’s been…. like maaaaybe two months#because every day feels the same. antisemitic incident. university protest or encampment. another soldier dead. more innocent palestinians#dead. another video of a hostage released. another north american politician says dumb things. more antisemitism.#and on and on and on.#judaism#jumblr#i/p#bring them home now#israel
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HAPPY HARERUYA WIN 🎃🎃🎃
#kamen rider#kamen rider geats#kr geats#kamen rider punkjack#win hareruya#tokusatsu#fanart#artists on tumblr#HAPPY HAREWIN DAY I GUESS??? can i call it his bday already? lol#had to pull sth out of my hat asap this week jhgfsdfgh#and i still have an extra up on my sleeve but i hope i can be done with it in proper time#btw i'll schedule this for midnight my local time bc morning over here is a terrible timing#so maaaaybe i'm posting on 30th depending on pov but bear with me on that
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pre angelic revelation, the hotel crew goes looking for Vaggie about some managerial thing and regularly finds her kickboxing in a spare room, beating the crap out of a dummy dressed up in an exorcist's gear and mask
a totally normal way to blow off steam, and one that they sometimes also find Charlie spectating at-
("Aren't you supposed to be against all this violence and shit?" - "Yes! But no actual exorcists are being hurt during this stress relief slash training session! So it's OK!" - "Yeah right. And you think your girlfriend looks hot punching stuff huh." - "Hm? Sorry Husk, I wasn't listening- what did you say?" - "......")
which all well and good!
until AFTER the angelic revelation.....
Charlie: "Vaggie. Please don't tell me that's actually YOUR exorcist armor."
Vaggie: "...."
Charlie: "Don't say you've been punching your old exorcist mask, imagining your own face under it."
Vaggie: "......"
Charlie: "I do NOT want to hear that you've been beating up on your past self this entire time- while I was watching! -and using punishing yourself by proxy as a way to cope when you're stressing over feeling like you're not doing enough here and now."
Vaggie: "........."
Charlie: "Vaggie why aren't you SAYING anything!?"
Vaggie: "You told me not to!"
Charlie: "ARGH!!!!"
post revelation, Husk goes looking for Vaggie in the training room like usual, and finds her standing helplessly in front of the exorcist training dummy as a tearful Charlie clings protectively to it with a full body hug
husk decides restocking the bar can wait. he's not getting paid enough to deal with This
#hazbin hotel#vaggie#charlie morningstar#chaggie#incorrect quotes#husk hazbin hotel#silly headcanons#listen hotel battle vaggie was great at unarmed combat she HAD to be training SOMEWHERE and with SOMETHING#like maaaaybe#that pile of exorcist gear she knew exactly how to find#the idea of charlie getting protective of Past!Vaggie tickles me#no one is allowed to beat vaggie up over who she used to be#not even vaggie!!!#meanwhile husk will NOT touch this gay drama until they start paying extra for his day job as the hotel counselor#good for him
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The end of October should be tomorrow actually.
#dragon age the veilguard#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age#dav#dragon age veilguard#lucanis#last year i said 'fuck it we ball' and bought a pc to play bg3#with a slim hope that maaaaybe new dragon age comes out at some point#little did i know
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maybe it doesn't entirely track with the way louis kept them in after redecorating the penthouse, but sometimes i wonder if those high bookshelves that louis can reach with a ladder, but that armand can reach much easier by floating, were a decision rooted in something like that first "arun/maitre" exchange: armand holding the umbrella for louis, and louis throwing his lighter away when armand lights his cigarette for him. it's like, "i could do this myself, but i'm staying with you, so i don't need to." an affirmation sorta thing, it symbolises "we're sticking together." louis can reach the books himself with a ladder, but if he wants one he can just tell armand to get it for him, and he will.
#maaaaybe not...... but maybe#it's an idea#also symbolic of armand's devotion/duty as part of their dynamic#it's armand's honour to serve and all that#i can see merit in all sides of the discussion about these shelves#iwtv#loumand
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my sincere heartfelt belief that the reason clara has been absent from all the official functions iruma and alice go to isnt just because shes lower rank/status comparatively but because she will inevitably meet with a 13 crown/any high rank demon and when they try to talk down to her about the importance of the netherworld it will just play out like this

actually if clara even did get talked down to she is unironically the most charismatic of the love trio so she will undoubtedly get some kind of high rank support (she already has amuchan!) the way iruma and azz have and i dont doubt that down the line she will be one of the trickster plan candidates
itd be funny as hell bc sullivan bachiko and mephisto are all banking on iruma (+ most of the crowns with him stopping a civil war) and amuchan would still want alice to compete (clara would be her second choice) so maybe down the line we have all the dramatic trickster plan candidates revealed and then the camera pans back and we see clara chewing on mephistos head and hes like "hi yeah this is my candidate both iruma and asmodeus would be sad without her so shes filling the vacancy. I've lost control of my life"
#that and also my theory on claras wings being actual angel wings + her maaaaybe being a diety/part diety#i just think it would be in line with the series' humor + iruma kun trio made up of all races (human/demon/diety#zerav meta#zerav meme#mairimashita! iruma kun
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Woe, half-italian Wolfwood headcanons be upon ye! Happy Wolfwood Wednesday! :D
Vashwood bonus because if I don't draw them what is the point:

#trigun#vashwood#nicholas d. wolfwood#vash the stampede#wolfwood wednesday#Was it just an excuse to make him swear in italian? Maaaaybe.#chronart
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