#(You too Hermit Archives)

[coral-kryptic]

posted this on twitter and decided, you know what im gonna put it on tumblr too

so here is pearl

[siunytoons]

ZOMBIE CLEO

(hermit archives edition)

(sorry if the quality is balls LMFAO)

[rurus-kadoo]

No thoughts, just him

[canacaeli]

fuck deciding what fear mr scar goodtimes would serve what if we just put him in a blender with all the fears and see what comes out

[intrawebs]

A list of misc. Hermitcraft/Life Series fics from someone who loves AUs

There is no smut on this list

❤️ = Angst  💜 = Fluff 💛 = Fic I recently added

No Romance and Romance Optional

❤️Hermit Hybrids (In Progress Series) by Flickersprout - "Loosely connected fantasy AU with background dystopian elements. Mostly exploring the Hermits as a magic found family and all their different ways of being nonhuman." Can be read in any order! I'd suggest starting with The Colors of Friendship cause it's the earliest chronologically, ZombieCleo's great, and it's a good introduction to the world.

❤️the sanctity of the mundane (Completed Series) by crabbunch - “Snippets of life on the Double Life server; mundanity can reveal the most interesting things about people, after all.” This series makes me crazy. The only happy pairs are Boat Boys and Ranchers hell yeah

From the Archives (Completed Series) by Sixteenthdays and zeph - “A collection of statements from the archives of the Void Institute.” A Hermitcraft/Life Series Magnus Archives AU with Grian as the Head Archivist and Pearl, Mumbo, Scar, and Impulse as his assistants. Can be read with no knowledge of the Magnus Archives.

Interlude From Another Reality: Peacock's Eye by Sixteenthdays and zeph - “‘My assistant,’ announced Scar Goodtimes, newly-promoted Head Archivist of the Peacock's-Eye Institute, to nobody in particular except maybe the paused audio recording software on his laptop, or perhaps the small pile of tape recorders his predecessor'd left piled on a shelf in the corner, or arguably the little peacock-feather eye logo that dotted the office as haphazardly as it did the entire Institute, ‘is weird.’

(In which Scar is Grian's Archivist, and Grian is Scar's assistant.)” Sort of an AU of the Magnus Archives AU? Haha. But it’s completely divorced from the canon and can definitely be read stand alone.

❤️Shining and Polished (But Never to Plan) by SaltyServal - “A cough makes Grian freeze in his tracks, shakes him to his core. Despite all the signs, of all the things he was expecting to find in this cave, a truly sentient creature was not one of them. That’s what scares him the most.

He turns, grabbing his dagger and pointing it at the newcomer, who simply smiles at him, fangs and all.

‘Why hello there.’

tldr; Grian is an avian desperate to keep his wings, and he'll do whatever it takes to save himself. Even if it means stealing from a dragon.

(It turns out there's more to the dragon then he thought).” A fantasy AU with bird!Grian and dragon!Scar

oh captain (let's make a deal) by birrdie - “No one on these shores knew Scar’s name. Aside from Tango, of course. No one feared the humble, white-sailed ship docked on the south side of the port. This, like the tides, would eventually change with time. They would know his name soon enough. The greatest pirates all rose from humble beginnings like a phoenix from ashes. Scar was no different from them; that much he was sure of. And it would not take him long to prove it.

Or; Scar is a Captain of a humble pirate crew of one. That is, until a discovery on the shore shakes things up a bit.” A heaping helping of greedy pirate Scar and mysterious crewmate Grian, with evil Boat Boys and innocent Solidaritek as a garnish.

❤️starry eyes stare through me by whatcaniwriteinthis - "'You know,' he says. 'Gotta have a good show: high stakes, violence—' He nods at the room, at the 24 children learning how to use weapons, how to start a fire, how to find food that won’t kill them.

'An unlikely allyship,' Scar finishes, smiling a little. Grian smirks back.

–

Grian is this year's male tribute from District 9. Clearly, the odds are already not in his favor. But he has to get home to his sister and to do that he has to play the Games. Give them a show. Stay alive. Remember to step out of line is to threaten Pearl. Don't get too attached to the Career that agrees to be his ally, but not to put a damn shirt on." Angst without a happy ending. Made me cry

❤️Stained Glass Sunlight (In Progress Series) by Cosmic_Retribution - “The Watchers had seemed so nice, is the thing. So… disarmingly hospitable.

When they’d set out for the ruins, they’d gone in search of some magical beasts reportedly plaguing the area, according to the flyer they’d taken. What they’d found instead was an empty city and a group of mages and scholars studying… something. They’d been cagey about what. Certainly not the history of the place— the Watchers arrived long after the fall of Dogwarts, content to live and work inside the city’s corpse with no special reverence for the grave it lay ruined in. They had no stake in its fall, or its future, or the preservation of its once-hallowed legacy— but its bones, certainly, served as protection enough for their studies.

The beasts were the only thing troubling the Watchers’ work, or so they’d said. Strange, then, that Grian and his party never once saw a trace of them.

How long after, until his friends realized Grian was gone? That they weren’t safe?

—

Two decades ago, the city of Dogwarts met its demise. Today, a traveler meets god wearing the mask of a merchant, looking for a miracle.

These two things are not as unconnected as they appear.” Grian and Scar’s version of the lamplight AU(below). Featuring bored god Scar and oblivious paladin Grian.

Lamplight (In Progress Series) by skelew - “Welcome to Lamplight, a DnD/Fantasy Third/Last Life Renchanting AU. Ren is a god stuck in the form of living fire. Martyn is his sole follower. Martyn and Ren help free one another from imprisonment by the Watchers and are now traveling the world on a two-man adventure of fond companionship and occasional arson.” There’s angst but really just in the first fic. The main series has no shipping but skelew has written some treebark one shots that are also in the collection.

❤️dandelion wishing by skelew - “The white lily is known to symbolize purity, innocence. It is also a symbol of mourning, a popular choice to decorate the casket at a funeral. This is due to their beauty, yes, as well as the fact their smell can cover up the scent of a decaying body. Dandelions are best known for their magic, but no dandelion survives a wish.

The King of Dogwarts is not dead.” A Martyn and Ren centric fic about coming back from the dead.

❤️Wooden Mausoleum by skelew - “‘To take the life of one you love an agony Martyn understands far too well. It’s not something he’d wish on anyone—not on his worst enemy, and certainly not on his dearest friends.

Least of all would he wish it on Ren.’

Or, for the Red King, there are fates worse than death. How fortunate he is that his Hand will never let him meet them.” Dogwarts makes it to the end of 3rd Life but Martyn has a betrayal arc.

💜Performance Evaluations by glossyblue - “From The Desk Of His Majesty’s Most Private Of Areas: A True And Accurate Evaluation Of Growth Opportunities For The Knights Of The Square Table, The Loyal Court of Ren the King, As Suggested By The HR Department. (Note to self: when did we acquire an HR department? Ask Bdubs.)” Super cute and funny performance evaluations of the knights from the King Ren Hermitcraft arc.

The H.T.G.Y. Files by glossyblue - "Research scientist Cub didn't intend to make a person. He just came up with the plans. But when a competing team looking to make a supersoldier gets hold of the genome he invented, Cub is pulled in to stop them screwing up—and whatever he expected to find, it wasn't someone like Scar." This is part of a series called Lab Escape but the other fic has a ship that's not in this list so I can't put it in. But I really recommend the whole series!

💜The Government Institute for Ghost Supervision (G.I.G.S.) by glossyblue - “HIGHLY SENSITIVE: G.I.G.S CLASSIFIED. Audio logs for a team of supernatural agents investigating reports of a ghost at a local high school.GRIAN: Yeah, Skizz, why did you let Scar set something on fire? Pretty irresponsible.

SKIZZ: [noise of incoherent outrage] You try stopping him, buddy.” Goofy GIGS story

fixed and dilated by iamsolarflare - “Anything waterdwelling knows from bait.

---

Or: xBCrafted deals with the people around him, and a secret he's been keeping for one hell of a long time. Not the ‘old enemies hunting him down’ type, no - this should be fine, as long as nobody pries. It's the way you should deal with secrets like this, really, just don't let people know. No questions, no answers.

Hypno never got that memo, apparently.” An xB and Hypno fic where neither are human and neither wants to talk about it. Even if you don’t watch them I recommend it.

on the getaway mile by Odaigahara - “‘You want me to do what?’ the civilian asked disbelievingly, and Scar’s body language shifted to that of an impatient trainer, one whose fuse was running short. It was a precursor to bad things, like being tased or forced onto a treadmill for hours; Mumbo flinched even knowing it was an act, and the civilian cut off with a squeak, so Mumbo knew he felt the same way.

Or possibly that was the gun. Scar having a gun seemed more likely as an explanation, now that Mumbo thought of it.

Stealing the car would be better, but they had no idea where they were going, and neither of them was familiar with road laws. What if they hit a person while driving? What if there was some sort of kill switch in the car that the owner could flip to blow it up with them inside? Anti-villain tech had to be wild, from what the Foundation had on hand– and they were villains now for sure. Not just for defying the Foundation, but for this. Heroes didn’t take the actions he and Scar were taking.” Heroes Villains Scar and Mumbo take civilian Grian hostage for a road trip! It's not as bad as it sounds

💛counterclock by scarabies - “When it’s over, Impulse finds him in the throne room.

(or, Bdubs and Impulse chat after a rebellion ends. Can be read as either platonic or romantic.)”

Scarian

💛Through the Sky-Blue Cracks (In Progress Series) by Amethystfairy1 - “This is a compilation of all the pieces that take place within my Over-City/Under-City AU, which is also a Hot Guy/Cute Guy Superhero AU, though that's not the only thing that'll be going on!”

❤️coliseum by artanogon - "Grian is on a mission: kill the Red King of the Third Precinct. Unfortunately, when he travels to the capital where the king resides, he lands in a spot of trouble with a local merchant when he accidentally destroys the merchant’s shop. After he enters into a contract to help pay off the damages, he discovers that there might be another side to Scar under the silver-tongued salesman— and that he’s not the only one who wants the Red King dead." This one made me cry. Happy ending but it gets worse before it gets better.

Picture Perfect, Trapped in Eternity by CloudySkyFlight - “Grian's an architecture major in college, minoring in art history, and when the largest, and supposedly most haunted, collection of royal portraits in the world is displayed in a museum only a few hours away from his dorm, he gets up early to go see it.

Scar's been dead for centuries, living in a royal portrait he cursed to hold his memories and soul, waiting for the moment his best friend would come back to him. Several centuries later, he wakes up to see a brunette that has the looks and soul of his friend, and Scar knows that he cannot let Grian leave without him.” Starts out with Scar sort of kidnapping Grian? But the mood quickly lifts from there

and everything is you by eastwards - “‘Oh my gosh. I’ve got paint on your face.’

Grian moved to wipe the paint off, but Scar shook his head, ‘No the other side, here let me-’

He held Grian’s head steady with one hand, the other carefully brushing across his jaw. With an affirming noise, Scar nodded and bid Grian farewell, as he wandered back to his station in the studio. Grian held his hand up to where he had touched him, feeling his head begin to warm. How troublesome.

–

artist au w/ scarian wooo”

somewhere between the surface and the seabed by LovesickPrince - "It's a classic tale of love: Grian, a mer from the depths of the sea, makes a deal with a sea witch to exchange his voice for a pair of legs and go visit the human whose life he had saved. Only in this case, Grian is more interested in the sea witch than the human.

(If only someone had bothered to tell Scar, the sea witch in question, about this divergence)."

💜Dead Heat by glossyblue - “Jimmy's having a meltdown, Ren and Martyn are flirting outrageously, Tango gets cruelly betrayed and Grian and Scar are being unrepentantly weird about each other in every shot. It's the nation's favourite no-holds-barred elimination game. It is, of course, the Great British Bake Off.”

A Certain Je Ne Sais What by glossyblue - “Literally any one of Grian’s friends would be a better soulmate than Scar, and Grian is going to prove this scientifically.

Grian’s already felt it, a pinprick in his thumb. He’s familiar—he’s so painfully, unforgettably familiar—with the way Scar sees something and is already reaching out to touch it before he’s asked questions like 'what is this' and 'is it bad news' and 'is it going to hurt me, Scar, and by extension the unwilling bystander my physical sensations are now linked to'. Scar just immediately reaches out.” Grian tries to convince himself that anyone else would be a better soulmate than Scar while proving that Scar is the best soulmate for him.

❤️wait the worst is yet to come by glossyblue - “‘Grian is smirking at him. ‘I know, Grian, I know,’ Scar says. ‘Trade by name and trade by nature–okay, Scar by name but still trade by nature–we are going to be in business, opening soon, special rates for favorite customers of course–’

‘But have you done it yet,’ says Grian.

‘No?’ Scar says. ‘We only just started.’

Grian bounces on the balls of his feet, delighted. ‘Okay. Okay, okay, so. You need to know how it works, then, don’t you? Kiss me.’” Scar centric Last Life AU where you transfer lives by making out. There’s a sex scene but it’s not smut. Angst without a happy ending.

heart under your sleeve by Anonymous - “Scar was easy to love, as mortifying as that was to think. Grian didn’t think he was in love with the artist, it was far too soon for that, but he knew it would be easy for anyone to love him.

In the back of his mind, he wondered if Scar had met his soulmate, then shook his head to dispel the thought before it could fully form.

“Look, we can’t bring in a live panda, but if you want, we can try and connect with a zoo in the area so that they can set up a live stream of their panda exhibits,” Grian compromised and Scar brightened again. He ignored the sweeping feeling of relief in his chest as he opened his laptop, typing in a quick search for nearby panda exhibits. “Maybe we can even get one of their handlers in to give a talk about pandas.”

“Perfect!” Scar agreed, putting on a bright grin. Grian smiled to himself in turn.

—

Soulmate AU: You are born with a birthmark, similar to a tattoo, that is shared by your soulmate. Grian is a curator for an art museum. Scar is an eccentric artist who is just as attractive as he is infuriating to work with. Everything goes sideways when Grian realizes they're soulmates.”

💜If you like it… by GoodTimesWithScar - “‘Hello,’ slurs Scar, ‘you wouldn’t happen to know where a man such as myself… would find… an eligible bachelor to spend a little bit of time with?’

Grian blinks. ‘Oh, you are plastered.’

or, the ‘you got so drunk you asked your husband if he was single’ trope, but with added mumbo being 100% done with this nonsense.”

💜Well It’s Not Quite Narnia, But- by Raichett - “It’s just past seven in the morning when Grian opens his built-in wardrobe door to find a man dressed in something close to a green and gold matador outfit standing inside.

---

Or: Grian is not giving up this dirt-cheap rent flat for anything, not even the strange (if fun) goings on around the place and the elven king coming in through his closet.”

💛my ever after / is holding you by LovesickPrince - “Grian has been many things.

A servant of a respected noble family. A survivor, with bruises on his skin and hidden wings tied down to his back. A rebel, sneaking away for a night of wonder in the heart of the kingdom - and a curiosity, gawked at by all as the King himself swept him into his arms and spent hours by his side.

When Scar spent days tracking Grian down and helping him escape the cruel grasp of the Watchers, Grian thought his life couldn’t surprise him anymore. Pledging his life to serve Scar was all he could do to thank his King.

Of course, being the personal servant of the King comes with its' own risks - and now Grian could add ‘hostage’ to his list of titles.

Or; someone decides kidnapping King Scar’s beloved servant was a good idea. It really wasn’t.”

i live in a hologram with you by remrose - “‘Anyone in there would be lucky to be graced with your company.’ Scar told him. His face was calm but at his sides, his hands tightened and knuckles went white.

‘Stop trying to sweet talk me, I've already caught you fleeing.’ Grian stalked another pace forward, eyes alight with mischief and excitement. ‘Where are you going?’” Scar’s bad end in the treesekai AU (which you need to have read to understand).

Treebark

💜love goes toward love as schoolboys from their books (In Progress Series) by GoodTimesWithScar - “treebark theatre kids au, with ren as the male lead and martyn as the very distracted spotlight operator!”

💛Through the Sky-Blue Cracks (In Progress Series) by Amethystfairy1 - “This is a compilation of all the pieces that take place within my Over-City/Under-City AU, which is also a Hot Guy/Cute Guy Superhero AU, though that's not the only thing that'll be going on!” The first treebark fic is quite a ways down (It’s called Dagger and Rose), but I believe in yalls ability to figure out the setting through context clues.

❤️Sgt. Pepper’s Broken Hearts Club Band by harpydora - “The sign next to the door just reads, ‘Support Group,’ which frankly doesn't leave a great impression for the gathering inside. Martyn double-checks the Facebook event on his phone, but he's unfortunately certain he's in the right place: a support group for people whose soulmates are no longer with them.” The double life broken hearts club in a modern AU.

wild things can't get comfortable by donnerstag - "Ren and Martyn steal what small moments of comfort they can get.

Several loosely-connected scenes from Dogwarts as Ren struggles with his feelings towards the Hand of the King."

Scribbling the lines (from you to me) by Siri_Spy - “Martyn and Cleo are soulmates… but what exactly does that mean for them? And with Martyn starting to fall for the over-the-top president of his RPG club, and Cleo starting to realize that they might be a little late to the ‘disgustingly in love’ phase… something needs to change.

What will that something be? Well don’t look at me, I’m the one who wrote it. Look at yourself, and ask yourself: Why don’t I know?

Exactly. That’s what I’ve been wondering. Anyway, what are you still doing here? Go read!” A really sweet modern AU about Cleo and Martyn.

not the ghost by csillagvizsgalo - “Martyn tags along with his friends on a ghost hunting trip (he has seen people who had weirder hobbies anyways) for fun in an old run-down castle museum that has definitely not been kept properly. It's all fun and games, and he definitely doesn't believe in the supernatural, so it's not scary at all, until he starts noticing things lying around in areas that nobody has been to in ages, that remind him of memories of events that he never experienced, hundreds of years ago. The voices aren't helping. Well, the one Voice.

The Not Ghost of the Castle (he is a very dedicated cosplayer, thank you very much) takes a liking, and possibly some recognition, to Martyn, and while he spends the night terrorising Martyn's friends, the two of them build an unlikely bond and friendship.

The Red King just wants to rest, and so does Martyn. But not everything is as easy as it first seems.” Ren pulls out all the stops to try and intimidate Martyn but Martyn is a little rude to him and completely ruins it.

Wild Life: A Conservation Podcast by donnerstag - “Ren and Martyn, hosts of a popular little nature and conservation podcast, go camping together as part of a season finale special; discussions of the future, for both the show and themselves, ensue. Featuring: a campfire! innuendos! and even a little bit of kissy, perhaps?”

💜Dead Heat by glossyblue - “Jimmy's having a meltdown, Ren and Martyn are flirting outrageously, Tango gets cruelly betrayed and Grian and Scar are being unrepentantly weird about each other in every shot. It's the nation's favourite no-holds-barred elimination game. It is, of course, the Great British Bake Off.”

A Romance Route For The Doomed Villain?!? by skelew - “These days, Martyn doesn’t really have a lot going on. This is where the dating sim comes in.

Granted, if Martyn knew he was going to die so soon, he maybe would have tried a little harder at, like, holding down a job. Or maybe not. It's not like he has a lot of time to think about it.

Or, Treebark Isekai Romance Parody Which I Spent Far Too Much Time On.”

❤️I Think I’ve Seen This Film Before by GoodTimesWithScar - “In which Martyn fails to get the guy - but he doesn't let that stop him for long.” Set in the treesekai AU (the fic above), which you need to read to understand.

💜I should’ve known it would be you - water/woods by theorionsound - “Martyn sort of expected to fall in love with Ren eventually.

—

On their bi-annual hiking trip, Ren and Martyn get lost in thought. Mainly about eachother.”

❤️To Sit in Hell With You by dirtybinary - "Ren pulled Martyn close, breathing in the smell of soot and cinders still clinging to his clothes. 'You never kept secrets from me, back at Dogwarts.'

'Sure.' There was something knife-bright in Martyn’s eyes. 'And I’m a good little Southlander now.'

Martyn's playing every side in the death game. He's a loose cannon, he's a wild card, he's a selfish bastard who's going to betray everyone in the end, even Ren. Probably. Most likely. Any minute now."

Solidaritek

💜Red Bandit AU (In Progress Series) by scribblingdragon - “A Empires Season 2 AU with Jimmy as the Sheriff of Tumble Town, and Tango as a local bandit that is slowly, forcefully, being domesticated. Shenanigans ensue from there.”

❤️💜Hels To Pay AU (In Progress Series) by aquaquadrant and lunarcrown - “Angsty Tango-centric Hermitcraft/Double Life SMP AU”

❤️The Highwayman by EnvelopedByOblivion - “Fate walks many paths - but for each person, it only wears one face. Sheriff Jimmy Solidarity’s fate is a handsome red-eyed highwayman who saves Jimmy from a group of bandits. Despite being on opposite sides of the law, something keeps bringing them together, tangible as gravity and inevitable as death.

Which will get to them first? What will win out – a growing relationship between them, or their obligations to the life they’ve chosen for themselves?”

💜Let Me Show You Everything I Know by MassiveWaffle - "Jimmy Solidarity is an ordinary guy. He goes to his grad school classes during the day, works at the campus library in the evenings, and neglects his friendships a little too much. Then, engineering student Tango enters the library for some help, and Jimmy finds his friend group growing, and his life inexplicably changed."

A Nestcommunication by YacintheMorning - “Tango just wants to make the ranch a home for both him and his avian soulmate. Unfortunately, he knows almost nothing about avians. But the least he can do is try, right?” In which Tango is accidentally way too forward.

💜A Lesson in Listening by YacintheMorning - "Grian's brother is moving to town and staying with him while he house hunts. While introducing him to his friend, however, Jimmy and Tango seem to make quite a connection. Determined not to suffer through the pining, Grian and Impulse attempt to play matchmaker."

💜He loves that horse by ThatTallQueerBassist - “Tango uses his horse training knowledge to get Oreo back in shape after all the drama of being stolen back and forth.

Unfortunately, this panicked Jimmy at first.

He quickly calms down once he finds Tango training Oreo just outside the walls of their ranch.

They chat, and everything is well in the world again.”

SmallEtho

There’s, like, no AUs for these two!

❤️The Best Soulmate by BlocksRuinedMe - “‘But everyone else didn’t know that - it was possible even Bdubs didn’t know that - and yet he carried on like that, all the time. All about Joel’s soulmate. Bdubs didn’t respect Joel, and fuck that.

Fuck that.

Joel had been fantasizing about killing Bdubs for weeks.’

—

The Boat Boys have made it to the end of Double Life, standing with Impulse and Bdubs, watching the divorce quartet crumble. Joel has a plan to make Etho win Double Life, whether Etho likes it or not.” Joel being an unreliable narrator because rage clouds his thinking is really something I wish there was more of. You definitely want to read the tags before diving into this one btw.

Holy Father, judge my sins by giddyfenix - "Joel and Etho as the seven deadly sins. After all, what were they if not corrupted?" The lust chapter has a sexual scene, obvs, so skip that if you so wish.

A list of facts and problems by giddyfenix - “Joel had never realized it was possible to feel someone in your bones until Etho came along.”

Amores anacrónicos by giddyfenix - “Don’t be further than 10 blocks from Etho for 10 minutes. One attempt only.”

You held his hands, it felt like flying by Prudent_seer - “Etho doesn't believe in soulmates. Doesn't believe in fate, destiny or an invisible little string tying two people together indefinitely. It was ridiculous, maddening even to think of two people who were made for one another; made perfect for each other by the "universe's almighty will". With that being said, he had someone in mind that was pretty damn close. So when Grian threw them in a world where these soulbounds did in fact exist in a tangible form, where health and pain was shared with someone else, he sought out the person whom he thought was his match. Only to literally fall into the life of his actual soulbound.

It was Joel. And with that Etho cursed the universe for its twisted sense of humour.

//

Creative rewrite of double life through the eyes of Etho, who learns to love his soulmate.” There’s sex but it’s not smut, you know what I mean?

when everything burns, they burn together by TheYesterdayShow - “No one for Joel because he's always been a loner. For as long as he can remember he's been on his own in these games—in the first one he had his cottage on the hill (so long ago that he can barely remember what it looked like, he can only remember it burning and the flames licking up at him and melting his skin and the smell of his hair and he has to put it out—), and in the games since, he's been alone. Alliances that last little more than a week, here and there, and somehow he always ends up at Grian's side at the end of things, but he's never actually teamed up with anyone else.

He doesn't want a soulmate.”

etho has said parkour tag! by panch_owo - “Neither Cyan or Aqua make it to finals, which means the rest of the event is unimportant!

And instead of dwelling on their non-team, they go on another round of tag because it's them.” No smut but a lot of innuendo

More Powerful Than Fear Itself Is The Will To Win by smoothlikebutter - "After a devastating crash ends Etho’s racing career with the McLaren Formula One team, he’s forced to take significant time off to recover. While his fans are eager to see him again soon, what they don’t know is that Etho’s crash was worse than reported; he had to re-learn how to walk and talk before he could even think about racing again. But the desire to get back in a racing car is a strong motivation, so Etho pushes himself to his limits… However, his team couldn’t wait forever. His replacement is talented and the endless competition of motorsports is ruthless. Now Etho has to prove to his old team— and to the whole world— that they were too quick to forget about him. And what better place than the 24 Hours of Le Mans?

ConCorp is eager to snap up a big name like Etho. They’re entering under the Garage 56 innovative category this year, and their CEOs aren’t interested in much more than publicity so the pressure is low. But they’ve also signed Joel, a ruthless pro endurance racer who isn’t about to settle for anything less than the top step of the podium and a champagne shower at the end of the race. And honestly? That’s exactly the kind of teammate that Etho needs." Had me dancing around my room with excitement. Etho's character arc is amazing.

We're a Couple of Freaks by smoothlikebutter - "Joel is a weapon. Etho is also a weapon. They're professional monster hunters, and they've got a job to do tonight: clear out a ton of undead from an abandoned old mansion. Simple, right? This could only possibly go wonderfully well.” Epic Smalletho Souleater AU

❤️Blurring The Lines by FountainPenguin - “Dad always goes overboard with presents. They're never something traditional that a kid would ask for, either. It's always something he had left over in the back of his truck after a project or something stupid he bought after sipping a few too many potions and regretted sober.

One year for Scar's birthday, when he and his cousin Grian were playing in the sandbox out back, Dad and his friends arrived unannounced with four oak saplings. Dad didn't grab his arm or anything (Dad basically never touched him except on rare occasion to brush sand from his hair before loading him in the car; he always said it would make Mom mad), but he used words and praise and empty promises to drag Scar away from his and Grian's game to plant them right away.

Maybe Dad gave so many gifts because he was never around in summer. As early as April, he spent every weekend out fishing with his cousin on his houseboat...

AKA - That Scar-centric standalone piece about the Clocker family in contemporary suburbia.”

And goodness you’re bleeding (What a wonderful feeling) by knightinshiningarmor - “When the relationship burns, Etho feels an intense burst of emotions that leads to a revelation.”

[riacte]

“You ignore me!” False complains like a petulant child. Ren is nervously shifting around, his eyes darting between her and the innocent bystander Joe. “You went past me and you ignored me!”

Ren gasps, upset because she’s upset. “No! I was trying to be sneaky!”

“—And then I came over and you’re talking with Joe! You ignore me,” False bursts out crossly.

Ren takes a step closer. False takes a step back.

-

Vignettes about all the times and universes in which Ren ignores False.

-

This genfic is exactly 10k words because I painstakingly edited it lol. Featuring a couple of king + guard scenarios, a hermit guild fantasy AU, a dash of Space Opera AU, memory loss, superpowers, and too many MCC related scenarios to count :D

[philchy]

Haunted House - The Hermit Archives

The inspiration for this post is Haunted House by Neoni, I strongly advise you to listen while reading!

So, in short, this is a small episode from the life of Scar from Hermitcraft/TMA au. I was very inspired by the work of @sixteenth-days on ao3, if you like this post, don't be lazy to look there too!

Oh, right, spoilers for FTA are also present!

To briefly describe all the events, then in the course of research, Grian needs to investigate the situation in an abandoned house, and for this he recruited assistants to his team, and Scar turned out to be the most suitable for the job. He had already looked into the Archives to beg another day off from Grian, but he only got more work. With a heavy sigh and an ordinary positive smile, he heads to the place.

Finding the mansion comes out quickly enough, although its condition does not inspire confidence, as does the suspicious frosty fog around the building.

Armed with a flashlight, Scar enters the building, and before he has even taken a couple of steps, the door slams shut behind him. Hah, it's going to be a fun walk!

He hears suspicious rustles from every dark corridor, and the shadows, recoiling from the light as well as from the fire, become more emboldened and get closer, more often remind him of the night of imprisonment at the Institute just a few months ago.

At some point, he even has to hide in a room, where Scar finds a polaroid with a bunch of pictures scattered on the floor. He can't see anything on most of them, especially with his half-dead flashlight, but Scar still hurriedly takes all the finds for himself, realizing that he has already been discovered.

The chase drives the poor assistant to the other end of the building, he even rejoices when he has time to react and not get hit by the debris of the beam falling on him, but this joy is instantly punished, because the rotten floor under him collapses, revealing a viscous abyss of emptiness and darkness.

He wakes up in the backyard, under the blinding sun. Scar doesn't have time to get up, as he realizes that he has been right on someone's grave all this time. A nervous laugh somewhat brings him to consciousness, and another pun about death pops up in his head. It's a pity that the mysterious ghosts, if there were any at all, decided to keep his brand-new cane. Unlucky...

He returns to Grian with a walking stick in his hands and a polaroid, and his appearance leaves much to be desired.

Well, it's no problem for The Archivist to link new evidence with a common cause, while our researcher goes home for a well-deserved rest.

Initially, this idea came to me as a fairly dynamic animatic, but I'm unlikely to pull out the creation of such a complex project, so let it be at least this! I hope you enjoyed it <З

[yloiseconeillants]

MAYNCIENT :: Day 10 - Promise

"I told you I'd be back for them."

Mnemosyne (angel) belongs to @hermits-hovel. The explanation of this sequence got *very* long so I'm putting it under a cut but MASSIVE ARIADNE LORE DUMP LMAO

Amaurotine social conventions discourage the expression of extreme emotions, which could make the processing of things like grief and alienation difficult when there isn't a cultural framework to acknowledge those feelings in the first place. Ariadne, who lost her brother, Midas, in an accident, has a very difficult time adjusting to his loss - most Amaurotines have only experienced death through the deliberate choice of returning to the Star, which is universally considered a beautiful and respectable event. This disconnection between the grief that Ariadne felt at his passing was at odds with the pride that she was expected to show, and she withdrew from almost every aspect of her life - stopped going to theatre rehearsals, barely showed up to her classes, avoided her friends and loved ones (there was a fairly dramatic breakup with Hades at this point after he refused to fetch her brother from the Aetherial Sea - he didn't understand why she felt so despondent about Midas' death which. Boy howdy does that become a Plot Point Later) (he did try to help but he absolutely was not equipped to do so).

Over time and with the very patient help of her mentor, Halmarut, she slowly rejoined society after graduating by taking on a student-teacher job at Halmarut's personal request. She still wasn't fully comfortable being open with other people after her withdrawal and instead developed a sort of party-girl persona to interact with others. As long as she was having Fun, she didn't have to think about everything she had lost in the meantime. She met the rest of her eventual friends and lovers in the GAP at this point, starting with Timoria, who she first met in a bathroom at a party while she was crying and Mori and Ari's woo-girl energy fed off each other as they navigated Amaurot.

Of course, new interpersonal relationships and dynamics means More Feelings and Ariadne still hadn't really ever stopped grieving so she ends up easily overwhelmed by her emotions, which caused her to act out in erratic and sometimes self-destructive ways, including the ever-green clown daughter favorite Causing Problems on Purpose. When the inevitable consequences of these actions backfire on her in small or less small ways, she tries to drown them out by escalating the FUN and attempting to block out her own memories to get through the day, first by narcotics and when that doesn't work, she pressures her friend Mnemosyne, whose literal job is preserving memories, into the experimental field of removing memories. She isn't necessarily just banking sad memories, but anything that causes her to feel what she determines is Too Many Feelings.

(yes we're doing a self-inflicted eternal sunshine of the spotless mind kind of thing uwu)

Mnemo is uncomfortable with this, as it's not really what he is supposed to be doing with his powers, but Ariadne assures him that she will eventually come back to collect the archived memories, which Mnemo preserves in a crystal he developed for this very purpose. She spends years not coming back for those memories, though, instead compounding the problem by increasingly dropping memories off with Mnemo until it becomes clear to her girlfriend, Minthe, that something is terribly wrong with Ariadne's memory. Minthe confronts Ari about this, and Ari promises that she'll go and fetch the memories from the crystal (we've been affectionately calling it Ariadne's cringe compilation crystal) (there's a playlist).

Going back for the memories had its own issues and inevitable fallout, but Ariadne did try to regain those memories and work through them with her friends - one at a time, based on what she feels she can deal with. She doesn't manage to get all of them back before the End of Days - meaning that there's a memory crystal floating around with some Very Strong Feelings that's a repeated McGuffin through the eras in blorboverse.

ok i did it i wrote up the lore huzzah thank you for reading

bonus: also also this whole thing about her brother dying is why ariadne is obsessed with death and rot and decomposition and amaurot's refusal to acknowledge what is ugly about death thank you i have written enough

[jjlovesgoodies]

`“Look, Zed I’m not really good at this sort of thing,” Grian said, watching as the parrot perched on a shelf. It really didn’t seem to like Zedaph.

Then, another parrot suddenly flew over, and landed on Grian’s shoulder.

“Well you’re already doing better than I,” Zed comments, watching as the parrot passively looks at Grian, and chirps in a much nicer tone to the rest of them. Grian narrows his eyes at it for betraying him as Zedaph smiled hopefully.’

—

When Zedaph finds himself in possession of way too many parrots, he can only think of one Hermit with the skillset to help keep an eye on them

Wow I’ve actually written something for once!! Yay!!

I wrote it for @flamingspud for our bday which was on the 20th, go check her out she has so much fun amazing Life Smp fics you should check out

I had a lot of fun writing this lol

[pookasluagh]

Zee whispered to Crowley, “I’m sure you looked incredible in eyeliner. Even imperfect eyeliner. Wish I could have seen it.”

“Never did figure out how to do it properly. Lucas had impossible standards.”

“His loss.”

The look Crowley gave him was almost startled. He blinked a few times and then crashed his lips into Zee’s.

After spending so much of his adult life trapped in enforced reserve, Zee was flustered by the sudden embrace. To have Crowley simply put their lips together and slide his tongue into his mouth, in public, in front of friends, without warning—it churned up a complicated mixture of feelings. Anxiety and giddiness, fear and longing, embarrassment and wonder. It wasn’t like he hadn’t kissed Crowley publicly, or even in front of some of these same people. He wasn’t ashamed. He was simply…unpracticed.

Crowley’s friends continued chatting, completely ignoring the two of them as the kiss lingered. Slowly, Zee’s body started to melt into something less guarded. He was soothed by the feeling of those long arms wrapped around him. Grounded by the familiar tickle of stray curls escaping from where Crowley had tied them back. Crowley brushed light fingers across his jaw as he pulled away and smiled.

“Hi, darling.”

Zee couldn’t stop himself from blushing. “Hi.”

“You’re gorgeous and I really like you.”

“You’re ridiculous and you’ve had too much to drink.”

“Haven’t. Only two glasses, see?” Crowley said, one arm gesturing toward the table with enough exuberance that he nearly knocked over Zee’s glass. Zee caught his hand before he did any damage, then raised an eyebrow at him. Crowley sat back, grumbling. “M’not drunk. Just clumsy and in love.”

***** Chapter 14 is up! Halfway through this book now.

Fic description: Zee (Aziraphale) Marsh is a widowed hermit who secretly writes bestselling romance novels under the pseudonym Bella Swansea. His life is rigorously controlled until his new downstairs neighbor arrives. Anthony Crowley causes something to come alive in Zee that he hasn't seen in over twenty years, but Crowley brings with him some of his own very dark secrets. // Human AU, dark fic, E rating.

[imaginethat0327]

"The Convergence" as coined by Joe Hills

“Who are we waiting for?” Xisuma frowned, spinning to look at the others. “It’s good to see everybody else but we technically just needed you admins, right?”

“Well…” Scott started slowly, but then their communicators pinged, then pinged again, and again, and Noxite said happily, “Right on time!”

Xisuma looked down and felt himself grow slightly dizzy.

EvilNotion joined the world

Astroz0an joined the world

Br0dyman joined the world

MisterJoker joined the world

Skizzleman joined the world

TheEndless joined the world

Out of the blue, Xisuma watched in shock as an entire spaceship appeared on the horizon. The perfect, picturesque shape of the classic flying saucer, it hummed over their heads and came to settle some ways away. But the pings on the communicator didn’t stop. 

MumboJumbo joined the world

Inthelittlewood joined the world

Iskall85 joined the world

Stressmonster joined the world

Welsknight joined the world

“Oh my-” Xisuma was tearing up. There were excited yells from the players around him - several ran back into the spawn building to greet the newcomers, but Xisuma was rooted to the spot, staring at his communicator as the list grew longer and longer.

Hypnotized joined the world

BigBStatz joined the world

DanTDM joined the world

iBallisticSquid joined the world

ThnxCya joined the world

Thinknoodles joined the world

“Hold on!” Scott swiveled to stare at Fwhip. “I thought you said you were just inviting BigB. Those are the Shady Oaks members!” 

“I was just inviting BigB!” Fwhip stared in shock at his communicator.

HBomb joined the world

Illumina joined the world

NettyPlays joined the world

PauseUnpause joined the world

Pungence joined the world.

This was too much. Xisuma unsteadily lowered himself to sit on the ground, feeling a bit numb with shock as the list of names continued to grow.

Fruitberries joined the world

WilburSoot joined the world

TommyInnit joined the world

Ranboo joined the world

Aimsey joined the world

Bekyamon joined the world

Technoblade joined the world

Sapnap joined the world

GeorgeNotFound joined the world Also known as the Hermits and Emperors have a CRAZY number of connections, and when things get tough, help will always come. -Imagine

[kelp-my-beloved]

If you asked any of the hermits to describe Pixlriffs in one world, they would probably struggle for a long while until they settled on "Noticeable".

It's not because they had never thought about it. After all, He had been there almost from the beggining, and mysteriously decided to stick around, not with them, but near enough for His presence to be felt at all times.

Back on that first year they would have told you "Terrifying". They had never heard of something quite like Him, and tried their best to ignore the weight of His eyes following them wherever they were.

Changing worlds didn't stop Him. With time, like most things, the quiet fear turned into a healthy respect, and shortly later mild curiosity.

Anyone who tried to go with "God-ly" would change their mind in a week's time, when they heard His voice reciting their archivents and failures with the outpost devotion. No, because if there was anything godlike in their relationship, Pixlriffs would be the one doing the praying.

The word "Stable" would almost escape their lips, except that it wasn't always Him watching them, narrating. Other eyes would focus on them too, but with a presence similar of that of Him that they would understand them as His friend.

A "Mistery" was for very long the first choice, until a Rift opened in Grian's basement and showed them a whole new world, with Pixlriffs there to welcome them.

He had smiled at them, showed them His world, and even joked with them, as if they were old friends. As if nothing about their relationship was odd or in some way terrifying.

It wasn't until the Hermits tried to go back home that the word "Welcoming" was crossed, when they found him at the other side of a broken bridge and a sword in hand, claiming that they were to stay in his world.

He was almost a "Friend", for a while, when He finally met them on their home. He was a "Guest" until they saw He had no need of their help.

All pretense of godliness or reverence were dropped on those weeks too, the more they got to know him.

He was just Some Guy, after all.

Except that He wasn't. His eyes still followed them even when He wasn't in the room with them.

None of this was brought up, and their questions were never addressed.

And then, when it was finally time for Him to go, as He said His goodbye, they could feel that His words weren't meant only for them. Could feel something, someone else watching.

They blinked away as soon as He was gone, and Pixlriffs's old watch fell over them once again.

Just as it had always been. Noticeable

[theladyheroine]

Types of Wizards! ✨

❥ This was just a fun idea since I’ve been reading lots of fantasy headcanons, I wanted to try! Plus I don’t see too many for magic-y stuff out there so this gave me a good idea!

❥ Also! Most of these are female centered but some of this can be for boys too! I just prefer the term wizard because it sounds cooler lol. But thank you! Enjoy!

Storybook Wizards 🤎

Usually has an owl or sparrows as a companion.

Quills are made from barn owl feathers.

Wands are made from cinnamomum trees, elm trees, or hazel trees.

Likes to feed the crickets that sing on the bookshelves. Some think it’s gross but they’re very nice!

Uses golden wax seals for nearly everything.

Collects old trinkets they find or receive from friends. They don’t work anymore or are just old, but has tried fixing them up.

Loves both books & scrolls, but thinks books are easier to hold onto. That one friend who decides to read one more chapter, but ends up reading all night.

Loves to wish on stars or dandelions but is too embarrassed to tell anyone.

Seems like a bit of a hermit, but is actually really friendly! Loves to interact with people & exchange different interests, quite talkative at times.

Either works at an archive or some kind of library, has a special little key that works only for them.

Weather Wizards 🌩️

Usually has a bird of prey as a companion, but don’t worry they’re friendly 😅🙏

Quills are made from crow feathers.

Wands are made from maple trees, pine trees, or baobab trees.

The ultimate bird parent!! Birds love them & they’re always putting out bird seed feeders or scraps of veggies.

Lives alone in a tall tower in the middle of the woods. Only goes to town when necessary & will turn into a grumpy pants if you knock on their door.

Sometimes storm clouds or rain will swirl around their house, usually due to spell testing or potions.

The weather is actually pretty nice when they’re around! Cool breezes, clear skies, warm sunny days; tries to deny it’s their work until the sunshine gets brighter.

Collects clean water in mason jars or glass bottles when it rains.

Likes to climb rooftops & chart the stars.

Can always sense when a storm is approaching, doesn’t matter what kind they’re spot on. Likely their job is to keep them at bay as a guardian or lookout.

Love Wizards 💝

Usually has a dove or a type of songbird as a companion.

Quills are made from white swan feathers.

Wands are made from cherry trees, camellia trees, or jasmine shrubs.

Has an easier time communicating with fauna.

Ladybugs are automatically attracted to them & will usually bring good luck to them throughout the day.

Stores their potions in old perfume bottles but will make perfume as a small side job. Has to label everything though.

Has a small rose bush growing outside of their window; likes to talk to it & believes plants have feelings.

Super affectionate! Either the mom friend or the cutsey clingy child friend.

Never forgets Valentine’s Day!! (I’m sorry I know it was last week!) Goes over the top every year & everyone either gets a bouquet or a little goodie bag. The size of the gift depends on who you are sometimes.

Business is a postal service for relationship problems but gets a lot of love letters to proofread. A bit embarrassed receiving one addressed to them.

Swamp Wizards 🐸

Usually has a crane or even a heron as a companion. But sometimes that makes it hard to get in them the house...

Quills are made from duck feathers.

Wands are made of mangrove trees, dogwood trees, or lilypad stems.

Defined as the oddballs of wizardry. They are known to travel a lot but usually live alone.

Uses an old timey ferry boat to get around, but has to use magic to get the paddle wheel moving. It’ll creak & stop like an old engine.

Probably the most experienced in floral/nature magic & their house is like an absolute jungle. Will even let moss grow out because “it wants to be there.”

Has tried more than once to kiss a frog & see if it’ll turn into their true love, but carries medicine around just in case.

Really loves milkweed flowers & will set up cute bundles in their home to make it smell good.

The best cook in the world but mostly uses magic to help.

Probably the friendliest person you’ll meet! Will tell all sorts of stories about their travels, the different kinds of people they’ve met, where to find the best berry bushes, how to care for tadpoles— It might be awhile before you can introduce yourself…

[hermitfic-ao3]

recs:

You Could've Applied Online (archiveofourown.org/works/47834815) - a brilliant work (and series), everyone should read it, it's that good

The New ConVex (archiveofourown.org/works/24511930) - a fun take on the convex and S7

the last days of the free angel of carrows (archiveofourown.org/works/41524917) - a really really good urban fantasy au

You Could’ve Applied Online by Anonymous

Rating: M

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Pairings: Etho/Bdoubleo100 (Kind of…), SolidarityGaming/TangoTek, Smallishbeans/LDShadowLady

Summary:

“Twelve hours? Where do you work that makes you work twelve hours straight?” Bdubs asked incredulously. “Wait no. No we can’t pick this up! We’re talking about murder here!”

“Yeah, and now I'm gonna have to find a new roommate because of this. You owe me. Maybe tomorrow won't work. Let's schedule it out for…next week?”

Bdubs stuttered over his words, hand holding the knife tensing around the handle as he looked around the room. Was he being pranked? Did Scar do this? He couldn’t think of another conversation that had confused him more than this. Etho’s eyes crinkled around the edges, mouth subtly changing into what Bdubs imagined was a smile as he felt irritation creep into his mind. “You’re joking right now.”

Another shift under the mask. He was definitely smiling now. “How’d you guess?”

Or: Bdubs kills someone (on purpose), makes people angry (NOT on purpose), and somehow gets a boyfriend in the process. Or was he a bodyguard? Bdubs doesn't really know himself.

Oh, and Etho just wants to pay his rent on time. Preferably without another dead roommate.

mod note: this fic is so delightful. i am absolutely OBSESSED with this fic. it’s a modern with magic AU/hitman au/alien AU it’s genuinely so so so good!

-mod nox 🌙

The New ConVex by LeopardMask

Rating: G

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Summary:

The Vex sighed. Their old subjects had abandoned the cause, in this new world. Granted, they had essentially let the subjects go, with no new goals assigned, but now the Vex were bored. They wanted someone to play with.

Of course... there were 20-odd other people in this world. It could be time for some... recruitment.

the last days of the free angel carrows by Bee_4

Rating: T

Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Summary:The Atsign Agency: run by Joe Hills and the zombie Cleo, they're here to solve all of your supernatural problems, hauntings, magical accidents, and also just about any contracting work or errands you need if you're willing to have it done cheaply by two unqualified odd jobbers struggling to make rent. After over a decade together in the city of Carrows, the two of them frequently see things and deal with things that are probably a bit too ridiculous to name, and have the experience to handle it, if not particularly frequently the money.

When the mysterious (and clearly very rich) Pearl Moon walks into their agency, offering them a massive payment for a simple job, what are they to do but accept?

Yeah, they may be about to regret that one. This job is going to be anything but simple, and the entire City of Angels may be at stake. Careful, Atsign Agency: the past is watching.

mod note: only tagging the main characters/pairings for the first and the last fic, the middle one has a lot of cameos of different hermits and i don’t want to clog the tags :)

[cephalog0d]

Batfic - "Haunted AF"

HAPPY SPOOKYWEEN here's some silly Batkids! (Shoutout to @dangerousdan-dan for motivating me to finish this even though it's very last minute XD)

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Category: Gen Characters/Relationships: Cassandra Cain & Dick Grayson & Duke Thomas & Jason Todd & Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake Additional Tags: Humor, Ghosts, Dick Grayson is a Troll, Jason Todd is a Troll, Batkids Being Batsibs

Summary:

“I mean, would you want to spend Halloween in a haunted fucking house?” Jason asked. He received a collection of blank stares and frowns for a second before anyone realized what he meant. “Jason, the Manor is not haunted,” Tim said with a truly impressive eye roll.

“Has Bruce worked out Halloween patrols yet?” Steph asked as she flopped sideways into an arm chair. “I mean I assume there’s going to be some kind of catastrophe to deal with.”

“Last I heard he was still narrowing down leads. I think I’m supposed to review some data scrapes from Babs later,” Tim said, frowning absently into his mug. Either because he was remembering the work he had to do or because he’d just realized his drink was gone, it wasn’t entirely clear.

“Ooh, fun,” Steph said with a smirk.

“Yeah, well. Failure to prepare is preparing to fail and all that.”

“What, did you swallow a motivational calendar?” Jason asked without looking up from his book.

“Too blessed to be stressed,” Tim intoned flatly.

“Hashtag blessed,” Cass corrected him with a grin. Steph made a choking noise and clapped a hand over her mouth to avoid spraying her drink all over herself while Jason shot both of them a look of outright disgust.

“Does the Manor get, like, trick or treaters and stuff?” Duke asked thoughtfully. “I mean it’s way out in the middle of nowhere.”

“I dunno, actually,” Tim said with a frown. “Nobody’s usually home on Halloween anyway, considering…” He gestured vaguely at all of them in a way that was apparently meant to indicate “being a vigilante in Gotham on Halloween”.

“I mean, would you want to spend Halloween in a haunted fucking house?” Jason asked. He received a collection of blank stares and frowns for a second before anyone realized what he meant.

“Jason, the Manor is not haunted,” Tim said with a truly impressive eye roll.

“What, are you kidding me? It’s Gotham. Gotham is hella haunted-”

“Don’t say hella.”

“-just in general and the Manor is definitely included in that. You know how old that place is? How many people used to live there before Bruce turned into the Bat Hermit? How much tragedy those walls have borne witness to?”

“‘Borne witness’?” Cass repeated softly to herself.

“There are no ghosts in Wayne Manor,” Tim said firmly. “I’ve never noticed anything strange. Or, you know, strange compared to our normal level of weird.”

“You barely lived there. I saw all sorts of weird shit when I was a kid. Stuff getting moved around even though no one was home, doors opening and closing on their own, weird shadows that shouldn’t be there moving around. That was the worst. Headed up the stairs in the dark, seeing someone lurking up ahead, assuming it’s Bruce, and then nope, he’s behind you and nobody’s there. Scared the shit out of me when I was little.”

“So a bunch of stuff that’s easily explained as a child’s imagination?” Tim asked, unimpressed.

“There’s also the mirror.”

“The mirror?” Steph repeated in a mockingly serious voice.

“One of the bathroom mirrors back in the back hall would always have handprints up in the top corner no matter how many times we cleaned it. Alfred just thought it was me and Dick messing with him. Eventually he decided it must’ve been stained somehow and just replaced the mirror, but the handprints came back pretty much immediately.”

“You are so full of shit!” Steph laughed loudly. Tim was silent but the hard stare he was directing at Jason was more than eloquent.

“I heard yelling, what’s going on?” Dick said from the hall, poking his head around the doorway.

“Just telling them about the ghosts,” Jason said evenly. Whatever reaction the others expected of Dick (probably either rolling his eyes or sternly telling Jason to knock it off), they didn’t get it. Dick just nodded, entirely unsurprised, as if that was a perfectly reasonable answer, eliciting another round of Looks between the kids as he wandered over to stand by Jason’s chair.

“Oh, yeah,” Dick said matter-of-factly. “The attic one who breaks glass at stupid o’clock in the morning or the one who leaves creepy handprints in the downstairs bathroom mirror?”

“Wait, that’s real?” Tim demanded incredulously.

“Yeah, and that thing in the tiny guest room that blows on your neck if you stay there too long.”

“Ugh, I hate that one,” Dick agreed with a shudder. “So creepy.”

The other four exchanged a complicated series of looks.

“Okay, so you’re both full of shit,” Steph said with less conviction than before.

“Believe what you want,” Jason said levelly. Dick just looked slightly confused at their skepticism.

“I...need to check something,” Tim said as he hurriedly packed up his laptop and phone.

“Oh, yeah, you want some help?” Steph offered.

“Uh, sure, I’m just gonna…” Tim did not actually finish explaining what he was going to do as he left, Steph and Cass trailing along behind him. Duke watched them go, glanced at Dick and Jason, then shrugged and went to follow.

“They’re totally going to spend all night ghost hunting,” Jason said once they were gone.

“Yup,” Dick grinned, holding out a hand in Jason’s direction. Jason rolled his eyes, but fist bumped him anyway.

“Should we make sure they find something?” he suggested with a smirk. Dick blinked at him, looking slightly confused again.

“You don’t think they will?” he asked innocently. Jason narrowed his eyes suspiciously. That was absolutely one of Dick’s “I’m full of shit” voices.

“Of course they won’t, because the Manor’s not haunted,” Jason said slowly. “That was all bullshit.”

“Oh, right! Of course,” Dick agreed with a (fake as hell) easy smile.

“Dick.”

“Do you think Bruce has finished his patrol schedules yet?” Dick asked as he headed out of the room.

“Dick! You said you made it up! Dick!”

[silverskye13]

That xisuma fic was absolutely incredible! If you have any more specific headcanons about android!X I would love to hear them! The idea is amazing and you wrote it so well!

Hai-yo! I'm glad you liked the writing snippet! ^_^

Oh boy, headcanons. How dare you make me organize my thoughts! Let's see.

Android!X is a server that one day decided to stop running in the background. Where I think most of the hermits were "born" on a home world that they can return to, it's more like Xisuma goes into his own mind. Similarly, if someone were to plot a course in the universe to Xisuma's home world, they'd just end up standing in front of him. [I feel like this also means between seasons X just kinda floats like a spaceman in hyper sleep through the void, go you funky little robot go!]

His body is made of circuitry and nanobots? In a way that isn't in any way functional to real life. But it's like he's a beehive almost. He has a living, moving body, but it's built for finesse and life-like expression. That kind of detail needs constant maintenance, so he has a fleet of little drone nanobots constantly doing repairs.

On that note, I think metallic/cybernetic/redstone components don't respawn like organic matter does on death. If it takes damage, it has to be repaired. Hermits like Doc are only mildly hampered by this, since any time his mechanics break, only parts of him are out of commission. For X though, anything that doesn't kill him outright has to be repaired. His nanobots help this, especially with small bits of damage accrued throughout the day, but anything that does significant damage requires him to power down to focus on repair and rebuild, where his nanos can run rampant while he rests. [He's never not productive though. Normally he uses this time to catch up on writing memory transcripts and other general internal housekeeping.]

Android!X is functionally smart but because everything he's ever done has had to be coded, a lot of things slip between gaps in his logic. He's a very smart computer, but he's still a computer. Common sense things slip between the cracks because common sense on regular people is mostly pattern recognition and intuition. Xisuma's only intuition is something he's hand-written in a table in a file somewhere. If he's never had to write/code it, and it's unique enough to not show up in a basic dictionary/archive search, it's a blind spot for him. He can query and in a millisecond give you data facts about the deep dark and still forget that the clicking noise his thinking pattern makes would attract a Warden. This also means he sometimes has weird hang ups in social situations sometimes. Yeah sure, Etho and BDubs are having the same friendly debate from last week, but this time BDubs is 30% louder [possible difference in altercation severity?] and Etho is on hazardous ground [standing on scaffolding, increasing height, personal endangerment? Posturing? Intimidation technique?], which means this situation is actually totally different and he's never coded protocols for it. He's gotten pretty good at reading other people's reactions to gauge his own, but when he's alone, he sometimes has an error he's affectionately labeled a "social short circuit". Good thing they're all hermits and understand when he sometimes just... walks away from things.

Even X doesn't know where his emotions come from. He knows he can augment them [He has a database for complex feelings like "happy and also sad" and "lonely but content", as well as for tonally dissonant scenarios like "feel worried when Cleo says 'its fine'."] and he has on a handful of occasions been able to shut them down when he was too overwhelmed or in a tense situation. But he has no idea where the emotions originally came from, and his ability to control their intensity [and turning them off] is so non-existent it's nearly random.

Xisuma has been trying to code a way to feel pain for a long time. Most of the hermits think he's crazy when he talks about it, but he thinks it would cut back on a lot of his time spent on damage assessment. It's much easier to tell if something is broken if you can feel it break. Currently his only indication something is wrong is if a circuit is actively frying or something stops working -- or if his nanos sniff it out.

Xisuma doesn't eat, but he tells his friends he eats redstone. It cuts back on some of the unnecessary worry about his well-being. It also means when they think he's distressed, they leave him little gifts of redstone, and he finds that endearing.

Xisuma likes to dress up his cybernetics. It started out with trying new paint jobs and slowly escalated to building new body casings with fancy cosmetics. He's very proud of his bone mage cosplay. The little dragon helmet has glowy-eyes and smoke comes out of its nose and everything. Tango, Joe and Cleo like to help him design things, and he lets Doc and Grian go ham trying to stress test [ie ruthlessly destroy] the parts to make sure they're durable before he commits to a design.

And that's about all I've got for now I think!