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diejager · 10 months

Note

Hallo! Truly loved the MonsterAU stories! Wonderful, amazing writing!

Would it be possible for you to write: what if human!reader was turned into a chimera?

Akin to this:

Feel free to ignore!

Chimæra

Pairing: Monster 141 x Chimera!reader

Cw: science experiment, human torture, human testing, gore?, blood, canon-typical violence, unethical human experiments, kidnapping, child abuse, malnutrition, child neglect, tell me if I missed any. Wc: 3.6k (A/N): credit to @bluegiragi’s monster 141 designs.

They were tipped off by an anonymous source that some shady and highly illegal things were being done in a small and remote town near the border of Belarus, their ongoings unknown to both the government and public of their country, but someone had given Laswell a file containing all the horrific tests conducted within the closed walls of the innocuous-looking compound —a laboratory dressed as a simple military base. The folder held snapshots of emails and files sent between scientists and researchers, small indications of what was being done to both humans and monsters, yet withholding important intel about certain things. It disclosed the location, the names and faces of every worker and leading figure in the compound, the number of security and their schedules, and what was done, but not what was truly happening, it left small clues, sublet words here and there with hidden meanings —never clear images, blurry ones as if the person was in a rush.

Despite not having clear indications of the illegal activities, Laswell had enough to have 141 sent to take it down, to bring the dehumanising lab to its ground and burn it down. She didn’t have trouble convincing them, it was telling enough to let them read the condensed files for them to read, to see themselves the monstrosity being done to children and monsters they took, kidnapped from around the world to be left at the deceitful hands of crazed scientists. There wasn’t much to be found outside it, the base wore the facade of a benevolent patron, bearing the crest of kindhearted investors wanting to rebuild rundown houses and reconstruct rough and broken roads and paved streets in the town they took to hide. It worked for the most part, they profited from this by acting without raising any suspicion from anyone, neither the authorities nor the people.

“Christ,” Gaz swore, looking down at the words in the file he received, the teased truth and the dreadful treatments through a thick layer of secrets and subtle wording, the only clear intel was from the straightforward emails sent to and from researchers and the heads of the facility, unabashed and shameless bragging of their success and the narrative to which these subjects could be used. “Why did it take so long?”

A recurrent theme of these was about a certain subject, it was about C34, spoken with such pride and joy about their creation, the work of the new world and the future made within these walls. Most emails were the exchanges between them about C34’s training, the ongoing treatments and every successful mission and exercises, they spoke of C34 as if they were a dog, a rabid mutt they captured and took on the task of domesticating it. It was demeaning, degrading and cruel, to look at another being as something lower, something needing domestication —it went against every rule and law put in place to protect humanity, the many conventions sworn to protect the goodwill and security of the innocents.

“We’ve had our suspicions before,” Laswell sighed, the images of the screen switching with the small click of her control, laser pointing at the images of various weapons cache and illegally procured weapons. “There was a slip up in the shipping, it was dropped here-” she motioned to a circled area in the map, a closeup of a secluded road near the town, “and we were able to retrace it to the facility. We needed more intel about the facility before acting and we needed to know what we're facing here, if we should send a team or send you.”

“What now?” Price tilted his head back, smoke leaving the sides of his frown, a deep and unpleasant one. He couldn’t even look at the intel given with a straight face, the shadowed truth of cruelty and dehumanising acts done by humans. “Figured you send us after seeing this, Laswell?”

Laswell nodded, jumping to another slide, showing blurred images of subject C34, a blurry figure, tall and imposing in every way possible. They stood high, stature seemingly one belonging to a monster or hybrid: on four legs and the wide, familiar shape of wings, everything about C34 cried monster. Perhaps one they captured as a child, taken from their mother and kept in this cell. There were many pictures of this one, blurry and disfigured, but others had smaller shapes, the size of children with various characteristics.

“Steamin’ bloody Jesus!” Soap spat, disgust dripping from his tone in waves, unending as were the other’s curses, each holding their level of horror and repugnance. His face was wound tight, brows dipped lowly and lips pursed, he balled his fists, anger rising within him with every image he saw, the deplorable conditions and the care given to the monsters —what could they even expect from this shady company engineering monster and human DNA to fit their preferred narrative, for money, for reputation, for strength. “We ‘ave tae do somethin’ about this, Price!”

Soap - Johnny - had always been the more emotional one, letting his good heart lead his decisions when the situation seemed to fit it. His wolf made him more susceptible to emotional attachment, a pack mentality driven deeply into his mind and heart, he was viciously loyal and wore his heart on his sleeve, uncaring of how he’d be hurt by a betrayal, he simply saw the best in the world, something many couldn’t after a while, but Soap could, Johnny was a good man at heart. That’s why he reacted the most out of everyone, voicing his distaste and hate, his need for revenge and the sanctity of the lives being stolen in the facility.

Soap pushed Price to agree, seeing no reason not to lead the breach, to uncover everything done to innocent lives. His eyes connected to the man hidden in the darkness, his blue eyes gleaming with fierce justice, a contrast to the wraith who lay in silence, abhorrent and seething quietness. Ghost peered at him, head tilted up with white pupils darkened by black eyes, death layering off him with calmness. He gave Soap a curt nod, affirmation for him to continue to voice his mind, to help those in need.

“Seems like it’s been decided, Kate,” Price gave her a lopsided smirk, amber eyes narrowed with what could be read as anger, teeth sinking into the girth of his cigar, ash falling. “When are we going?”

Her lips parted in a proud grin, eyes gleaming with something dark and wrathful. She leaned on the table, head held high and shoulder broad while she flicked off the projector:

“Wheels up at 1500 tomorrow.”

You stared down the man before you, watching him tremble under your cold gaze, steps hesitant to approach you despite being seated, body prone on the hard floor you called a bed. He was new, possibly recently employed and his boss - or his direct manager - played a dirty game with him. It was some kind of rite of passage for every new employee courageous enough to accept their recruitment, all bright-eyed geniuses wanting to build their place on earth with forthgoing discovery, desperate and narcissistic; yet they were so easily tricked into you cage, locked in by cackling and grinning guards and coworkers.

He smelled young, fresh-faced and a bit nervous, most were when they first saw you. You remembered everyone who walked in, the smell of fear and anxiety, the disgusting scent oozing off their bodies, rotten and putrid like a rotting corpse. You would’ve gagged and choked if you weren’t used to it, having grown close to the smell of death, calling the reaper your friend. You weren’t bothered by him, only the cart he was wheeling over, a big and heavy cooler that smelled fresh. He was made to bring you food by his boss, a cruel joke played on every new scientist who was always so eager to meet you before cowering in terror once the lock clicked.

Standing before your third cage, he unlocked the small hatch and, with effort and a loud grunt, pushed the cooler into the hole, big enough for a big cooler but small enough to fit your arm through it. You waited until he stumbled away, distancing him from you before reaching for the container, it was light, weighing little in your palm. They fed you raw meat, sometimes buying the fresh catch of a Belarus hunter, usually an elk or a wild boar, but if they were lucky, a bison or a bear, other times they would have conserved meat shipped from outside the town, bigger cities or outside the border.

Today was an elk, the meat cold and free of rot, it smelled as good as a fresh kill did, bloody and heady. You ripped into it without care, tuning out the loud retch from the scientist as you gorged on your meal, claws tearing it in half and biting into the bloody meat. Blood rolled down your lip, painting your cheeks crimson and staining the cream-coloured rag they considered a shirt. It would be changed after your meal, as it always was. Despite the elk weighing around six hundred kilograms, you finished it quickly, with pointed teeth cutting and pulling flaps of meat and ligament, blood spraying and dirtying the metal ground near the hatch.

It was filling, albeit cold. You cleaned your hands of blood, licking it off like a grooming cat, tongue laving over the sharp edge of your claw and under your blunt fingernails. You peered at him from under your lashes, eyes gleaming in the darkness. You watched - pleased with yourself - him shudder, face growing green with unnerve at your show. You knew he was desperate to leave, to get a breath of fresh air outside of your cell, you understood his fear and wanted him to suffer for helping your owner, the man watching over your training, but you wanted him gone before he emptied his stomach on your floor. So you pushed the cooler out, clawed arm breaching past the hatch to leave it farther from your cage.

He left hastily, legs shaky and face pale.

“I want a bison next time,” you growled, words rolling off your tongue huskily from its rare use.

It looked as inconspicuous through the NVGs as it did in the pictures, a few grey buildings built lowly to hide an immense labyrinth dug into the ground, secret passages crossing unending halls with locked doors and tipped with surveillance cameras to watch over the whole facility. They studied the very walls that made this place a secret fortress, from the body to its heart, like mounting a brigade against a castle, Laswell’s team found the few hidden entrances that connected to the lesser-used passages, winding through many hallways and wide vents, big enough for humans but too tight for monsters the size of C34. Task Force 141 led the mission, infiltrating the base under the darkness of night where they could crawl and slink through shadows to catch what they hunted. They were joined by Marines, all experienced and skillful, wearing scars like a badge of honour. It would either be a quick in and out, or a long and strenuous infiltration.

Price took Gaz and led half of the Marines through the west, breaching the lab from above. They pushed in steadily, relaying information and physical cues to Watcher - Laswell - with a body cam recording everything they saw, the facade they wore above ground, hiding their dark enterprise. Ghost, as usual, has Soap watch his six, following closely behind him with puppy-like loyalty and the other half of the Marines. Team Two’s - Delta - mission started through the underground passage they sniffed out, a long and unwinding hall that went straight through the heart of the facility. Ghost’s team went dark, needing the cover of silence to stay hidden in a highly protected area of the base to run this clandestine mission. They spoke only when needing to, to make calls, to reaffirm intel or to let both Bravo and Watcher know a change, the tech team in the temporary safe house a few miles away from the compound watched through the cams, from the subtle change in the air to a jarring lead to what was happening.

While Price and Gaz worked on creating a distraction, taking a load off team Delta’s shoulders, they could work through the system faster and more efficiently with the fire taken off their backs and front. It was controlled chaos for both teams, creating a mass discordance within the enemy lines: panicked higher-ups at the sudden attack, while they had a small squad of personal soldiers, they were unprepared, taken by surprise by both teams attacking on two fronts; and confused mercenaries, their quiet and boring schedules made them lose the edge of suspicion, of wariness towards what awaited them and the sheltered job with little to no action apart from a few failed escape attempts by the subjects.

“Delta 0-1 moving in,” Ghost mumbled into the coms, his team following him closely, rifle held tightly with the muzzle pointed forward as they crossed the threshold of section C, heading towards the one holding the monster subjects.

They left behind them groups of bodies, slumped over the walls or limp on the ground, blood painting the sterilised and glossy walls, turning the once white hall into a grotesque place, dead bodies covering the length of the corridor like the ones they walked through before, leaving the stench of death that even the Marines could sniff out. It wasn’t clean - they weren’t aiming for it to be clean - but they wouldn’t need it to be clean when the Laswell would send a clean-up team to deal with this, Ghost would steal a bite before they arrived, quenching his hunger for revenge with them.

A few guards stayed to watch over the cells, doors unlocked by a keycard that most guards kept in their back pocket, Ghost would have to take one off a dead body. Under Ghost’s cover, Soap dashed to the other side of the hall, taking a few with him to corner the mercenaries, boxing them into a closed hallway until they all died. Despite a few of the Marines taking shots, bruising the skin under their plate, black and blue blossoming like a bloody flower under the thin layer of skin, they kept their heads high and minds clear, moving forward without a misstep or hesitation. Soap swiped a few cards from the bodies, throwing one to Ghost.

“Delta 0-1 to Watcher, can you hear me?”

“Solid copy, Ghost,” Laswell voice rang out clearly, reaching his ears in seconds.

“We found the cells,” his eyes roved over them, white paint over thick, cement walls to hold whatever they locked into the cells, perhaps the children the saw or the big one, C34.

“Do you have the keycards?”

“Affirm,” Ghost growled slowly, hearing Laswell's confirmation to continue. “Going in.”

He tapped the pad, a loud beep ringing in their ears as the lock’s mechanism creaked to life, unlatching from its metal hold to let them in. Both he and Soap walked in, leaving the others to watch their backs while they surveyed the first room. It was dimly lit as it was bare of any decorations apart from a visible toilet, a small sink and a few metal beds. It looked like any usual cells they came across, made barren and empty of anything useful to prevent the prisoners from escaping or causing a ruckus, but the people they kept in these cells were children. Soap swore under his breath at the sight of children huddled together, seemingly no older than 12, he lowered his rifle. They were backed into a corner, three older kids holding a younger one in their arms, protecting her from them, from whoever meant to harm these children.

They looked malnourished, left to slowly rot in these cement boxes until the scientist found something worthwhile in them, their cheeks sunken in, eyes droopy and swollen with bruises - they were beaten, it made something ugly rear its head inside Ghost dead heart - and lips dried. One was armless, having wings that they used to cover both of their cellmates, naked with only feathers covering their body, this one looked more like a harpy than it did human. The two others had arms, both having the lower half of a mammal, neither of them was sure which four-legged mammal it was, but one had a pair of wings, while the other’s back was bare of anything.

“We’ve found the children.”

You could hear the chaos from your cell, the blaring alarm and the smell of death. The building shook from its foundation, vibration emanating from both the ground floor and the basement, just farther from your hall, the closed and sectioned-off area. They separated you from the defective ones, all your young mistakes they made after achieving success —you. They tried to recreate it, but it never came out how they wanted it. Maybe it was a mistake on their part or maybe it was the lack of a certain gene in their DNA, a subtle difference that you and the rest had. You didn’t want to know and you didn’t want them to succeed a second time, it was painful, the shift, the tests and the change, the storm of pain, terror and confusion weren’t worth this power.

You could hear the booming sound of gunfire, a loud ricochet of the bullet when the nitrocellulose sparked and sent the bullet outwards, finding its destination in the warm flesh of human guards. You usually enjoyed this kind of chaos if you knew what started it, and laughed when something caused trouble for your captors, but you were cautious of this one. You neither knew who thought to disturb the peace nor did you know who was behind this, their scents strange and the sound of steps unknown. All you knew was that their steps were heavy, out of breath but pushing their way into - what you thought to be - section C. The place they kept the young and willful.

You might be blinded by your cell, but the guards outside your confinement knew how to talk, their chatter and barking orders loud enough for you to hear through the thick walls. From them, you knew they were strangers, unknown players on your board of pawns. You didn’t know their goal, whether they were here to let you out or keep you in a cage of their making, but you knew they were a gamble on your fate. As the noise got closer, you sat down, crossed your paws and waited, cautiously awaiting to see what your verdict would be.

Strangely enough, there was a different section, separated from the other one by many gates and stricter security, but they were able to break through it. Security was concentrated in one hall as if the monster they locked at the end of this hallway was of big importance. It had higher security, stronger and thicker. Ghost wondered if it was to keep the monster in or keep people out, either way, this meant that they found the thing they first came here for: the trained and dangerous subject C34.

Ghost was apprehensive about opening this metal door, built taller than any doors he’d seen, it was as wide as it was tall, metres over what would be considered normal for a human or monster, similar to the wide gates that protected British castles, tall and imposing, but the most worrying was it’s vast amount of security measures. He thought back to the blurrier giant he saw in the picture, their shape indescribable and otherworldly, almost alien-like. His eyes met Soap’s reassuring ones, standing steadfast and unyielding to do good in the world. So with a nod, Ghost worked through the locks and scans of the heavy, metal door made to keep this cement cage closed. This door clicked loudly, echoing down the hall with ominous intent, foreseeing something damming and destructive.

Yet they hadn’t expected to see another cage within the cage, a box made of reinforced glass, large and robust and inside of it was another cage, a rough metal one with bars for walls, a sick joke of a bird’s gilded cage. It would’ve seemed almost exaggerated to have three layers - three different cages - to keep one subject safely locked up until he caught sight of the monster. Lying on the cold, metal ground with legs folded in, tail curled around them and staring at both him and Soap with cautious curiosity. It looked like a gryphon if it were more reptilian than a mammal, this monster had a human torso, a head wearing a stoic expression, dressed in rags. Where there would normally be legs was the body of a bird, an eagle perhaps from the golden-brown plumage and reptilian legs from the knee down, followed by a fully scaled back, hind legs and a strong tail. Each toe was tipped with a sharp claw, big and deadly if it got its hands on someone, it could easily rip into anyone without putting in much effort. The biggest thing about it was the folded wings, feathered and equipped with a talon. If it could fly, these wings would be powerful.

He understood why they kept it locked, it was neither man, monster or hybrid. It was a beast of human creation, a creature made to be at the peak of its condition. It was smart, he could see it, the glint in its eyes and the pursed lips, mien kept monotone and calm —observant.

What did Laswell sign them into?

Taglist: @craxy-person @crowbird @dead-cipher @iwannabealocalcryptid @iizx7y @mxtokko @yeetusspagheetus @capricorn-anon @perfectus-in-morte @sae1kie @yeoldedumbslut @tallmanlover @distracteddragoness @konigsblog @vxnilla-hxrddrugs @havoc973 @angelcakes-22 @cassiecasluciluce @ramadiiiisme @ramblingsofachaoticthinker @ki-cant-spel @im-making-an-effort @love-dove-noora @jinxxangel13 @daisychainsinknots @0alk0msan @mul-pi @danielle143 @dont-mind-me-just-existing-sadly

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0sbrain · 1 year

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here's a list of mozilla add-ons for all of you tumblrinas out there to have a better internet experience

also, if you like my post, please reblog it. Tumblr hates links but i had to put them so you adhd bitches actually download them <3 i know because i am also adhd bitches

BASIC STUFF:

AdGuard AdBlocker / uBlock Origin : adguard is a basic adblock and with origin you can also block any other element you want. for example i got rid of the shop menu on tumblr

Privacy Badger : this add on will block trackers. if an element contains a tracker it will give you the option to use it or not

Shinigami Eyes: this will highlight transphobic and trans friendly users and sites using different colors by using a moderated database. perfect to avoid terfs on any social media. i will explain how to use this and other add-ons on android as well under the read more cut

THINGS YOU TUMBLINAS WANT:

Xkit: the best tumblr related add on. with many customizable options, xkit not only enhances your experience from a visual standpoint, but provides some much needed accessibility tools

bonus: if you are into tf2 and wanna be a cool cat, you can also get the old version to add cool reblog icons

AO3 enhancer: some basic enhancements including reading time and the ability to block authors and tags

YOUTUBE

Return of the YouTube Dislike : pretty self explanatory

Youtube non-stop: gets rid of the annoying "Video paused. Continue watching?" popup when you have a video in the background

SponsorBlock: gives you options to skip either automatically or manually sponsors, videoclip non music sectors and discloses other type of sponsorships/paid partnerships

Enhancer for YouTube: adds some useful options such as custom play speed, let's you play videos in a window and most important of all, it allows you to make the youtube interface as ugly as your heart desires. I can't show a full image of what it looks like because i've been told its eye strainy and i want this post to be accessible but look at this <3

PocketTube: allows you to organize your subscriptions into groups

YouTube Comment Search: what it says

FINDING STUFF

WayBack Machine: you probably know about this site and definitely should get the add on. this allows you to save pages and access older versions with the click of a button. while you can search wayback using web archives, please get this one as well as it allows you to easily save pages and contribute to the archive.

Web Archives: it allows you to search through multiple archives and search engines including WayBack Machine, Google, Yandex and more.

Search by Image: allows you to reverse image search using multiple search engines (in my experience yandex tends to yield the best results)

Image Search Options: similar to the last one

this next section is pretty niche but... STEAM AND STEAM TRADING

SteamDB: adds some interesting and useful statistics

Augmented Steam: useful info specially for browsing and buying games

TF2 Trade Helper: an absolute godsend, lets you add items in bundles, keeps track of your keys and metal and your recent trades, displays links to the backpack tf page next to users profiles and more. look it tells me how much moneys i have and adds metal to trades without clicking one by one oh may god

IN CONCLUSION: oooooh you want to change to firefox so badly, you want to delete chrome and all the chrome clones that are actually just spyware and use firefox

HOW TO USE MOZILLA ADD-ONS ON YOUR PHONE

if you already use firefox on android, you'll know there are certain add-ons compatible with the app, some of them even being made just for the mobile version such as Video Background Play FIx. while most of them are pretty useful, some more specific ones aren't available on this version of the browser, but there's a way of getting some of them to work

you need to download the firefox nightly app, which is basically the same as the regular firefox browser but with the ability of activating developer mode. you can find how to do that here. once you've enabled it, you need to create a collection with all the add ons you want. i wouldn't recommend adding extensions if the creators haven't talked about phone compatibility, but XKit and Shinigami Eyes should work

also, don't tell the government this secret skater move, but you can try using both the regular firefox browser and nightly so you can have youtube videos in a floating box while you browse social media.

see? i can block this terf while Rick Rolling the people following this tutorial. isn't that tubular?

#zezo talks #firefox #internet safety #accessibility #id in alt text #this will get tagged as tf2 because mine heart desires and its mentioned like twice #tf2 #long post #but it's worth it i promise #tumblr

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sillyjpeg · 2 months

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BOOK OF BILL WEBSITE CHANGE

this contains MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE WEBSITE CHANGE. if you want to find shit urself, dont read this!!!

also this is part one of probably many bc i cant fit everything in here. curse you image limit

i wont be going over alot of the not as important stuff, but still go explore the website for it because i got alot of good laughs!

RIGHT OFF THE BAT. In the top right corner of the screen when the lightning flashes, there are words revealed carved in the wall. it reads: VALLIS CINERIS. when this is typed into the computer it gives this video:

haunting. really giving me analog horror vibes. wasnt sure what else to do with this though.

I also noticed that on the candle in the right side of the desk, there is a code

this is decoded used the rune code, and translates into CURSED. when put into the computer, this is what is given back:

interesting.

One of the first things me and my friends did was go through the main characters names. the most interesting one of these for me is definitely Stanley, but i want to go over Pacifica first because Stanleys is LONG.

When you type in Pacifica you get this:

I love her signature btw. BUT if you type in Platinum Paz, you get somethin very, very interesting.

This may not be in the right order so forgive me, but at the end of that code, if you use a shift decoder (im so smart sue me)

it says: "STAY AWAY FROM HER CIPHER. SHE HAS THE PROTECTION OF THE LUMBERFOLKS SPIRITS"

pacificas character development has always been special to me, and this was honestly chilling. in the book of bill we see that she has nightmares about the lumberjack, and this shows how much guilt she carries. her finally finding her peace with what happened made me smile :)

but as nice and heartwarming as this is, were moving on to STANLEY PINES! and oh BOY are the stanley lovers having a field day. so first of all, if you type in Stanley, it will take you to a few different links. including gold chains, brass knuckles, an 8 ball cane, a fez, and a colonel neck tie. funny right? if you keep entering his name, this pops up:

Below this is a bunch of things with the label of being shameful. one of them is very interesting but im gonna put some lighter stuff first for the sillies.

i need alex to show us the photos from the hunky drifters catalogue alex can you hear me please i mean WHO SAID THATTTT WHO SAID THATTTTTT

ALSO NO ONE COMING TO HIS FAKE FUNERAL EXCEPT HIS MOM :( she loved her little free spirit stanley

ALSO- him stripping for flour in Tijuana, again, i need photographic evidence.

his ex wives list also made me giggle. he was MARRIED TO OLD GOLDIE????? also Marilyn being Eda made me giggle, i love the fact that they got married at some point. get them back together please. also stan having smaller hands than ford and being self-conscious about it stan i love you mwah mwah mwah

ALSO FILBRICK TRYING TO SELL STAN FOR GETTIN AN F- PLEASE

anyways now onto the section at the bottom of the Wheel of Shame page!

Its titled : HOW HE BEAT ME. im not adding a photo bc ur guy is running out of room :(

you have to click on this repeatedly to get anything good out of it, so i took the liberty of milking it for all it had!!! i didnt take screenshots of everything because some of it was redundant, but here are the interesting and or funny bits:

just reiterating, this is not all thats in there, im just putting parts that stood out to me. please take the time to go through all this urself bc its a TREAT.

now into the crazier stuff

hes obviously having some sort of breakdown, just like we see at the end of the book of bill. the last page i decoded myself, and i got this using all the different decoders:

"THROUGH LQS SFSE CN EVERYONE IVE EVER"

for "LQS SFSE CN" i used the original bill cipher code, and im not sure why it gave me this. a smarter, better decoder probably has the answer.

i can theorize a few different things on what this could possibly mean even with it not being all decoded. the one that comes to mind is "I can still see through everyone ive ever met" maybe knowing too much? but without the middle part decoded i cant say much. if you have the solution for this please leave a comment as any help would be greatly appreciated. this all did drop a few hours ago so i doubt many people are working on decoding all this.

UPDATE!! I TRANSLATED IT WRONG.

IT SAYS “THROUGH THE EYES OF EVERYONE IVE EVER”

this makes alot more sense. bill can see through others eyes so it most likely is refering too how he possesses people and sees through their eyes. In the book of bill he shows how angry he is having to watch the Pines family be happy.

It says that when he closes his eye, he can still see through the eyes of everyone hes ever…possesed? probably. So can Bill still see through Ford, or maybe Dipper, and he cant turn it off. Whenever he closes his eyes he is haunted by the happy life he failed to destroy. To see through their eyes.

This poem using gambling as a way to describe Stan's life choices really struck me. the more i thought on it the more it made sense. he gambled that Ford's project would probably still work, gambled with all of his sham products. His entire life has been a betting game. The most interesting thing about all this is the end of the poem. It reads

"IM STILL ON YOUR MIND"

this has been a theory for awhile in the gravity falls community that if stan got back all his memories, including ones about bill, wouldnt bill come back? for me this confirms the theory, and opens up a whole new can of worms which i will talk about later.

I have reached my image and video limit, but expect more posts!

stay weird yall :)

#gravity falls #bill cipher #book of bill #fiddleford mcgucket #stanley pines #stan pines #ford pines #decoding #weird #this took me an hour dont flop #save me stan

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shorthaltsjester · 4 months

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the thing is that the “laudna or delilah” debate i think actually misses the complexity of laudna as a character — which i think actually gets magnificently illustrated when marisha talks about and chooses her actions as laudna. like in the game, she tends to act comfortably as laudna even in those delilah filled moments once the initial indication has been made by matt that laudna feels that presence particularly in a given way. but the vehicle of a ttrpg as the medium in which laudna exists and interacts means that there is intractable ambiguity in the “did laudna do this or did delilah?” because the answer is always at the same time that both of them chose it as it is that laudna did, because matt always brings in delilah as a reaction to the choices made, either by laudna in the narrative or by marisha as the creator orienting laudna’s choices. like tonight, marisha certainly didn’t say I’m Looking At This Sword Appealing to Delilah, but she did have laudna who was traumatized by that sword engage with it while also engaged with an action she has pointedly and continuously accounted as a coping mechanism from years of solitude with nothing but the voice in her head. laudna didn’t choose to have delilah in her mind, but she did choose to ask for more power, she did choose to act without orym’s input, she did choose to use her form of dread, whether or not she chose the form which it took. especially with the the indicators that this is a storyline alluding to addiction (something i’ve long suspected but has now been affirmed by marisha in the cooldown), it is extremely compelling that laudna is both insistent of her own responsibility when it comes to intentions but is absolutely avoidant to the point of absolute denial when it comes to consequences. this was especially apparent when imogen asked if laudna’s choices and actions were all her own and laudna insisted they were, but then ended the episode with a form of dread the image of delilah briarwood fading from around her as she repeated “i didn’t mean it.”

it is particularly interesting when she is alongside imogen because i think the thing that is the most compelling to me about them right now si something that laura (iirc) alluded to in the cooldown about how imogen has chosen a significant turn away from predathos at the same time laudna has leaned in hard to delilah. in a lot of ways imogen has been very like laudna when it comes to the importance of intentions vs. consequences, at least insofar as her experience with her powers led to a different kind of isolation than laudna’s but still led imogen to experience situations in which she was confronted by the cruelty of thoughts much more expediently than she was with the cruelty of actions. and while laudna has experienced the cruelty of actions, she ties those intensely to bad intentions as well — cruel actions come from cruel thoughts. i mean, that’s what fun scary refers to — in that first interaction with those kids, we get a clear though undoubtedly unintentional insight into the perspectives that laudna and imogen both have on the cruelty that the world contains. laudna sees no harm in the fear she instills in those children because she loves kids, her intention was fun, her actions can’t be truly harmful if she never intended it. and interestingly, imogen disagrees that laudna is fun scary at all, she actually points out that laudna is scary scary, but in a good way.

and so we have this dynamic between two characters who have been the balms to one another’s solitude — which, as has been expressed in other posts, in both cases emerged from their commitments to their outlooks: laudna continued to appear as a witch on the outskirts of town, likely engaging in haunting behaviour if her actions throughout the campaign have been any indicator, and continued to run until, interestingly, someone who could read her mind was the first person to truly realize she meant no harm. imogen isolated because she was inundated with thoughts and turned misanthropic because of how often those thoughts were negative and cruel, until someone (who partakes in actions that can very easily be considered at least appearing to be negative or scary) had thoughts that were good. and they fell in love — with a confession scene where laudna raised concern that she might be a bad person, because she herself had ill intentions in reaction to bor’dor (absolutely mediated by deliliah, but her own emotional reaction that prompted that mediation). and imogen’s rebuttal isn’t a reference to laudna’s choices or her actions but to the thoughts she’s had that imogen has been witness to.

except. except it’s been months and imogen has a mother who had the best of intentions to start with . intentions that look a lot like imogen’s own, but now she stands at the side of a man willing to risk the entire world so that he can (ostensibly) no longer have to deal with divinity. imogen’s mother who allows the murder of countless people, of every member of the hells themselves except imogen, of oryms family, to get the answers and the solution that imogen herself is looking for. and as imogen has gotten further in the journey, the role of thoughts and intention has become apparent in its limits. because it’s true that they are important, it marks a difference between ludinus and liliana absolutely when it comes to likelihood that they might have a path for redemption, but it doesn’t mark much of a difference for the lives lost. and imogen has become much more concerned with this, i think maybe most clearly in her decisions around her last few predathos diving dreams because her hesitation hasn’t been that they need to consider the sides more, it’s been that, regardless of her intent to come back to the hells, to get information for their mission, her will might still lose the fight against the pull of predathos and if she’s forced to be this vessel which might allow it free, it might not matter as much what her intentions are when she dreams.

and at the same time. laudna has been confronted with the same evidence that her worldview might not paint a complete picture, but she’s still looking at that incomplete image as the whole. as is clear in her reaction to liliana, where she sets up her position to imogen by referring to her own love for her — for laudna, liliana must not actually love imogen, couldn’t possibly if the outcome of her actions is imogen growing up without her mother and liliana aiding and abetting (even if occasionally Maybe limiting) exandrias mage criminal of the decade. except, as imogen who has started to be checked on her flawed thoughts > actions perspective points out, that inconsistency isn’t one that laudna is immune to — laudna loves imogen and the hells and undoubtedly wants to see them live in a world they can thrive in, but she’ll also give up pieces of herself and make decisions without their input that have implications for those she chooses to exclude as evident in her choice with the sword,

and so tonight’s everything was delicious . when marisha’s interparty conflict beam hits it hits and it did tonight but the conversation between laudna and imogen was truly truly fantastic and so compelling because you get both laudna so locked into the familiar comforting behaviour that thinking that her intentions are all that matters is and being confronted by the fact that right now the consequences seem so enormous that the comfort is cold and imogen realizing that the thing that she’s been struggling through with her mother — and don’t get me started about imogen’s response to her mother saying she’s made her choices for imogen and the fact that laudna’s first explanation of why she chose this was a similar appeal to protecting imogen — is the same thing that has a hold of the woman she loves, though in different forms. and god, not to add another unnecessary sidebar, but laura is truly so good at coming up with heartwrenching prompts? dialogue? i dunno what to call it but the way that taliesin is insane with one liners, laura is like that with setting up conversations and then eventually spiking them into my heart because jesus the “i just watch. [as she plunges a dagger into her heart]” “i’ll always love you, i just don’t know what to do with it” “i didn’t mean it” “i know” because that’s the thing, that’s the struggle . ethel cain voice directed at laudna and liliana. imogen temult loves you but not enough to save you. because it doesn’t matter how much anyone loves laudna if she still believes in the necessity of delilah, it doesn’t matter how much anyone loves liliana if she still believes her presence at ludinus’ side is a requirement. and that’s not to reduce the degree to which they both have undoubtedly been trained to believe those things, but it is to say that both in the text and in the real world situations to which people love to refer when reducing agency to make characters more girlboss or whatever — it’s actually explicitly the role that laudna ascribes to her own emotions and choices and value that will lead her to a life where delilah does not have full reign.

the ambiguity and complexity is that as long as laudna wants (which translates to a need for her) her power, she wants delilah and whatever words that delilah will feed her to validate the need for and/or increase that power, which means that her actions are always her own, and the consequences are always hers to bear. the messiness is her continued insistence on separating intention from consequence — because laudna never means harm, for her it’s about protection, even power doesn’t seem to be power for its own sake. even with orym tonight it was about protecting orym from the sword, but also of course about finding power for delilah so that deliliah might also grant her more power so that she can help save imogen and the hells and the world. but that means when she explains to others she can make claims like i didn’t mean to, or that the choice was all her own because as incorrect to anyone else, laudna has completely committed to her founded belief that intentions matter more than anything else when it comes to the judgement of someone and their actions.

#laudna #imogen temult #liliana temult #imodna #cr3 #critical role #cr spoilers #laura bailey #marisha ray #imogen + laudna #cr meta #apologies for typos or half thoughts i’m writing this on mobile with half asleep brain cells

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lelanida · 5 months

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The dualism of Sky. A small essay.

Vincent Diamante, maestro, we don't deserve you. Music is the heart and soul of Sky. It's not the face of the game, no. Music does not try to attract attention and force you to interrupt the gameplay in order to enjoy it. Instead, it works for the atmosphere, not just without overriding everything else but also giving other aspects leadership positions. Sky's music is patiently waiting for you to pay attention to it. And since we're all here, let's appreciate it.

Sky has two main leitmotifs. The first is the theme of our first flight on the Isle of Dawn. It also plays during the loading of the game during the daytime. The second is the "Flight" by Aurora. Not many people pay attention to this, but these two melodies accompany us (in one form or another) in a bunch of other compositions. "The first flight" sounds at moments of special emotional uplift and "Flight" at moments of decline. You may think: "Well, what's the big deal? The music, written at a time when lore was still important, contains an interesting subtext.". But it's not that simple. I listened to the rest of Sky ost. I have tracked the use of these leitmotifs, and I can say with confidence that these two themes never play together. The composition either uses only one of the leitmotifs, or both, but at different ends of the song... ...I was thinking until I listened to the soundtrack of the season of prophecy.

The theme that sounds when you complete the trial. In it, both leitmotifs are woven together.

This is the ONLY theme in the entire game built in this way. I sat in a stupor for a while and was about to bury this musical analysis. But then it hit me. What was the season of prophecy about anyway? No, not about the trials. NO, not about the extra candle cakes. The season of prophecy was about Alef.

The theme of passing the trial is the theme of Alef. And it combines two opposing leitmotivs.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, get ready for madness because this simple detail puts everything in its place.

As soon as I found out about the existence of the Megabird in lore of Sky, this character immediately interested me. I liked how she was essentially detached from the whole action, but at the same time, incredibly tightly woven into it. Megabird is Sky's phenomenon whose potential TGC is afraid to exploit.

I have always been confused by the generally accepted image of a Megabird. She is always portrayed as a powerful, very wise, prudent, and merciful being. The true and only ruler of this world. Everyone was pleased. But not me. And the most important thing is that I couldn't explain why! Something inside me subconsciously resisted the concept of monotheism within the framework of Sky, but there was no specific reason. I had a feeling that it was simply... wrong. And now I realized: This is indeed wrong! Megabird, as the only deity, will actually break the whole system!

Sky is steeped in dualism. It's always one thing against another. I mean:

Life and death.

Nature and machine.

Sky and ground.

Descendants and ancestors.

Children and elders.

Light and darkness.

In this, Sky is different from Journey. In Journey, you didn't have a clear enemy. Journey taught that you can become your own enemy. The ancient civilization destroyed itself, not someone from outside. And the messengers must step over themselves, and themselves only in order to be reborn. Journey taught you to look into yourself. Sky is about something else.

Even though the concepts of these games are similar, Sky is a fundamentally different game. Sky is about joining up with others. Therefore, Sky sets a clear boundary between "we" and "they". And I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Otherwise, this system simply would not have worked. In Sky, everything has an opposing force. The other side of the coin, if you please.

Megabird just can not be the only deity. This contradicts the whole system, starting from philosophy and ending with music. Someone, something, sentient, unsentient, there MUST BE SOMETHING on the other side. That's why I made Angst.

Let's return to the topic of the two leitmotifs and the Alef. The system of confrontation between the two sides can give us an answer to another question.

What is "the void"?

We know that after the explosion of the crystal, Alef fell in a kind of "void", from which he still has not found a way out. But what kind of place is this? Many people used to think that this is something like a dimension of darkness. But I can disagree with this.

At first It is logical: Alef was imprisoned in a darkstone crystal and fell into darkness. But I have a question: Why does this "darkness" charge us?

The void is not darkness. If it was the darkness, it would have extinguished the skykids' cores in the blink of an eye. The void is the place BETWEEN light and darkness.

Alef, the child of light, was imprisoned in a darkstone crystal, the gift of darkness. Together, they created a new, third kind of energy. Chaotic, unpredictable, wrong. Alef has united in himself, things that, according to the laws of this world, cannot be combined. Therefore, it is his theme that connects the two main leitmotivs of the game. The Alef was on both sides at the same time.

But you can't be on two sides. You're either light or dark, or you're not on anyone's side, like ancestors were. At the moment of the Shattering, Alef literally tore the fabric of the Sky universe itself. That's why he got into the void. After all, if he does not obey the fundamental law of this world, then he has nothing to do in this world.

The void is the space between light and darkness. Like a number divided by zero, the void is negligible, but at the same time infinite. It is a mirror that doesn't allow energy to mix. Therefore, the floor in it charges us. The void reflects our own light back into the cape.

That's why the Megabird sends us to die in Eden. With our sacrifice, we repeat the same shattering on a reduced scale and fall into the void to the Alef. But Alef sacrifices a fragment of his former power to bring us back to the side of light. And when that happens, the void just pushes us out.

Something like that.

#sky children of the light #thatskygame #sky cotl #that sky game

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lover-of-mine · 5 months

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Welcome to the use of blue and green with 911 couples is not confined to clothing and how I believe this applies to buddie since season 2, a masterpost. (this does contain an explanation of the use of blue and green in the more obvious way, the clothes, so even if you don't believe the other elements of the scene part, this could still bring some clarity on the way blue and green is important)

Okay, so, after 706 a lot of people said they thought about me with the buddie/bathena blue and green scene, and I LOVE THAT, but a few people also came to ask me to explain more about the blue and green in general and why that is important and I realized my blue and green thoughts are scattered into multiple posts because I did figure out more stuff since I wrote the first one and season 7 is giving me more things to support the 2 main color theory theories I have when it comes to buddie/Buck, so I decided I need to write one long post about it all, including thoughts on 706 specifically.

Okay, so easy pattern to spot first, the blue and green thing is used with a lot of couples throughout the show, core couples, adjacent couples, random people in calls, the blue and green is used in a major piece of clothing in a couple, a shirt, a jacket, a dress, after s6 the use of pants was introduced more explicitly, and that has transferred to s7, but it is something heavily used since s2 (I can't find a conclusive example in s1 and the first obvious example is madney's first scene in 206) (this will have a bunch of tiny images because I'm trying to stay within the image limit, but if you click on them you can zoom in if tumblr doesn't decide to hellsite, I made them high quality enough)

And it is not just about meant-to-be couples, it's literally just a way to exemplify romantic connection. And while it is used a lot with most of the couples we see, the easiest couple to track is madney, since they have a lot of blue and green scenes, tracking back all the way down to their first scene, but bathena also have quite a few scenes. I love the scene at the station in 308 (last column, 3rd row down) because the cutout of kid Bobby makes it so there's a double blue Bobby there.

So the clothes element is very easy to track. It is a very real aspect of the show. And that is interesting when you consider the actual color theory aspect of it, because blue and green are analogous colors, which means they are right next to each other in the color wheel, and that's a color scheme used to create a harmonious look, it's about cohesion, creating visual unity, and it is what this accomplishes, the couples look balanced even if we don't fully register why, they just naturally work well together and that translates even if you don't know color theory.

This is the part we know exists in the show, but the thing is, I don't believe the show only uses that with the clothes, and again, madney is the easiest way to track that.

I noticed this while making a 512 set for the hiatus rewatch since I was focusing on the scenery to pick the shots I wanted because something about that episode is that it is green in nature since it is a Saint Patrick's Day episode. But everything about madney that episode is blue and green even when madney isn't dressed in blue and green. Pretty much everything about it has blue or green elements.

Maddie is wearing blue in the video, Chim is wearing green when he watches it, she's in blue while she's alone (even her hospital gown is blue, and that's not a common thing for the show), he's in green when he's alone, so we are still in the color scheme, there is a lot of green in the background that makes Chim and his vest stand out, we have green walls, that green bench, the blue red sox merch on the walls. But when they meet again, they are in neutral-colored clothing, contrasting with the background, and when Maddie tells Chim she wants to go home, both of them have blue and green shirts that are covered by a jacket, so the blue and green are not a focal point even if it's there, probably because they are not back in a place where they can get back together yet, and they are explicitly in blue and green in 601 when they do get back together.

They also did the whole make the episode blue and green with 706.

The backgrounds are very blue or green or both, a lot of the people are wearing blue or green, Maddie's phone is green, Chim's car is blue, there is a lot of blue and green happening there.

Something else about madney being blue and green is that their house has a lot of blue and green decorations. So, I definitely wanna say that the blue and green are being completed by other elements of the scene.

But I obviously have examples with other couples.

While doing the rewatch sets for 606 I noticed there are a few examples using Henren and other elements of the scene, 606 is also the episode that allowed me to include pants into this madness.

The thing about henren is that they don't have a lot of blue and green scenes, the 2 we had before s7, because s7 did gave us a few more, are in when they decide on fostering and when Eva comes back the last time, but since their color palette is based on patterns a lot, I decided maybe I should expand my definition of what counted, that gives us one of the flashbacks, because Karen's pants are patterned in green and Hen's shirt is patterned in blue, they also have Hen in green pants for one of the dates and there's the blue lighting, there's the scene with Hen in a blue hoodie and the green background. So more elements of the scene were being employed there.

Another couple is Eddie and Shannon. I will be honest, it took me a WHILE to clock they had an explicit blue and green moment in the form of Chris' birth. BUT, looking at them season 2 and the flashbacks in Eddie begins, they have moments where Eddie is blue or green and Shannon has blue and green detailing, her jewelry, her nails, her car, background of a scene. Also when they are fighting about Eddie reenlisting, they keep switching holding blue and green stuff. Shannon has a blue cup, Eddie is holding a green bottle, the rag on Eddie's hand is blue, the oven mitt next to Shannon is green, so even though Shannon is never a fully blue or green character, she always has blue and green accents.

Randon addon, but Thomas and Mitchell, the gay couple from Buck, Actually that is the couple that shows Buck what love is supposed to look like, they have a lot of blue and green details in their montage, the car, the driveway, the transition from a green cake to a blue cake, I just love that.

Now that we have all of this established, let's talk blue and green applied to buddie.

So, using the established, just the top, point of focus of the outfit, buddie has 3 blue and green outfits, technically 4, but we will talk about the hangar later, because I have a lot to say lol, the loft scene in 613, the station scene in 617, the hangar scene in 704, and the dispatch scene, the street scene, and the wedding in 706 (I will also talk more about 706 later)

One thing about buddie in blue and green is that they tend to have similar shades to past scenes with past love interests.

I don't know why they repeated the shooting combo, I guess it's just because Taylor's greens tended to be less earthy than Eddie's usual shades, but, I was scrolling through bucktaylor blue and green scenes to see if I could find a match for the hangar, and I do think that works, but I was fully ready to go full delusional here and say Buck's hoodie in 706 matches Shannon's nails in 207, because they do, BUT, that one seems to be a double kill and I don't have to sound all that crazy, because it seems like it is a bucktaylor combo from 509 too (the lighting on the loft is obviously different from two scenes in natural sunlight, but they are similar enough)

(Wait last minute addition that you don't know it's a last minute addition and can read more about here, but all thought s6, Buck and Eddie have matching blue and green phone cases, and the 706 scene seems to also somewhat match the shade of the phone cases from last season)

And these are the explicit ones, I would say the 706 scene is even more on the nose since bathena are also in blue and green right next to them.

Now, for other elements of the scene tho, we can go back down to the beginning. As in the you can have my back any day scene.

(Yes, I know the blue is because of the sirens, and it will eventually be red, but since red is such a prominent color for Buck, I can't really mind that all that much because I also have a color-theory theory that deals with the idea that Buck is red in scenes about doing the right thing about love and what more right for Buck than Eddie?)

But since I'm trying to stay within the image limit, let's rapid-fire some scenes here. If we ignore the uniform (I am choosing to because they don't have a lot of room with the uniform, it is what it is, and sometimes a scene will happen in the firehouse) Eddie is wearing blue after the tsunami and the will reveal, Buck's wearing blue after Chim goes after Maddie, Buck's wearing blue in the kitchen talk in 511 (and yes he's wearing blue because Taylor is wearing green, but he's still in blue), the shirt Buck has under the red jacket during the breakdown is blue, Buck is wearing something blue(ish) when they talk about the couches, Eddie is wearing blue on the poker date, Buck is wearing green on the cemetery. In the Carla scene, when Eddie shows up, they're not in the kitchen, and the backgrounds behind them are somewhat neutral. But funnily enough, it's only green behind Eddie there. (if you read my eddie fell first essay, you know I will die saying this is the moment that Eddie is done for so, love when an insane thought solidifies another lol), after the tsunami, we have green scrubs dude behind Eddie when Eddie sees Buck, even though most scrubs in the show are blue and everything behind Eddie is white, we have Buck and the blue of the tent, when they turn around, there's the green thingie behind Eddie and Chris, and the scrubs behind Buck are blue. Grocery store, the toilet papers behind Buck are blue and the outside along with the flowers behind Eddie are very green. Shooting, whatever that green thing behind Eddie is, Mehta's uniform, more blue uniforms, and a green medical person. 511 I just think are funny because Buck is wearing blue in the kitchen but everything about Eddie is white, and that's a fun contrast to the Carla scene and 517 is funny the way one side of Chris' room is mostly green and red and the other is yellow and blue and how Buck is on the green side and Eddie is on the blue (including his shirt). And the poker date, Eddie is in blue and the tables and chairs are green.

Considering using the pants, we also have the post-tsunami talk, the will reveal, and the 504 talk where Eddie has green pants on. Sure, the post tsunami talk, Eddie is both blue and green and there are no blue elements on Buck, but the will reveal, Eddie is both blue and green and the wall behind Buck is blue, and the 504 talk, Eddie has green pants and Buck has a blue hoodie on, considering the way the season 6 had the pants being in used with henren in 606 and with the girls from the oil well (both queer couples, I might add), I kinda wanna say that the 504 talk is traditionally blue and green lol

We also have my Roman Empire, aka the cemetery scene.

Because here's the thing, the sky is only blue behind Eddie and Buck is dressed in green. And also considering the way that they were being pretty consistent with Eddie being green and Buck being blue and the general breakup feelings surrounding the cemetery scene, the fact that bucktaylor switched colors mid-relationship, aka, when Buck tells her he kissed someone else, this is very interesting to me, because the colors in that scene feel like something that was accomplished on post-production, so they are like that on purpose.

This is also something that is used in the gym scene in 705, because Buck is wearing a green coat and Eddie completes the blue and green with the towel and the bottle, and considering green is Buck there is something wrong color and Buck is beating himself up for lying to Eddie, the switch in colors when applied to Buck usually means something.

With all this, let's talk blue and green in 706. Bathena is in 2 different blue and green outfits, the Buckley parents are in blue and green, bucktommy and buddie.

The bucktommy blue and green is very interesting because for one I had to swatch the color of Tommy's shirt and also because when talking about the blue and green in general, the shades tend to match, so to have Buck in a very light mint green and Tommy in a very dark, almost black blue is... a choice, especially considering that bucktommy did match during their date in 705, and Buck is in green, Buck in green is never a good sign (meta on that here), and considering Buck switches colors during crisis, I'm curious as to why they already switched the colors for them, since green is Buck's breakup color.

And the buddie of it all, well, they spent the whole episode matching, literally with the costumes for the bachelor party, but they also stay in their blue and green combo for the duration.

And to have buddie matching even in the bachelor party when the dude Buck is dating is there during the madney wedding episode is definitely a choice, even more, when you consider the way that Eddie is the one who is supposed to be the third wheel, in the costume design of it all Tommy was the one who was the odd one out, and considering the general married behavior buddie was exhibiting during the episode, it's a choice.

And since I'm already here, let's talk hangar scene.

For starters, with this scene, we had a blue and green scene for buddie 3 episodes in a row, which is something on its own, BUT, I will say that I watched the clip of this scene before 704 aired and said "oh, buddie just went canon", because here's the thing, for starters they are in blue and green and Tommy is in shades of beige, so the color on their clothes is the focus, but they are not really the focus, and they do match, but we have to consider the way Buck is wearing a maroon hoodie under his blue and Eddie is wearing a black jacket over his green. That clearly meant some sort of development was coming they're just not fully there yet. For me at least. Because the show has Eddie in the army green armor and Buck in the red jacket of love, and to have Eddie in the army green but with something over it, not using it to protect himself is something, and Buck not being in his brighter reds is also something.

To have this was very interesting for me, Eddie most of all because he's wearing black a lot and I have theories but I can't figure out why. But those are all colors used when Eddie is protecting himself and Buck is trying to understand something, so interesting. And then there's the actual dialogue of the scene "wait, you're not thinking about jumping ship?" "uh, no, I'm just, you know, keeping my options fluid." There is literally no more on the nose way to say don't jump ship than to literally have Eddie say don't jump ship. All that paired with the very obvious blue and green, definitely meant a plan was just set in motion for me.

I will link my Buck and the use of green and red again if you feel like reading more color theory theories. And also a theory about the use of blue and yellow this season.

Anyway, I think this is all, if you read this I love you 💜

tagging the ones of you who asked me about this or interacted with the post I asked about this: @dangerpronebuddie @missmagooglie @steadfastsaturnsrings @millymaki @inell @bella-bothered-and-bewildered @sparkedblaze @frihetstyrke @ilostyou @your-catfish-friend @estheticpotaeto @marmarthehatterverse @planetlet263 @mirrorbuck @lolpuppy

#this is SO LONG OH DAMN #i need to sleeeeep #but yeah #heres the long ass blue and green post #911 #911 spoilers #911 meta #buddie #buddie meta #oh final count of screenshots before i narrowed down to this ones was 302 :)

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freedomfireflies · 1 year

Text

Guide Me*

Summary: An extra for Teach Me*

Your best friend Harry wants to experiment with something else in the bedroom. A collar...and a leash.

The only catch?

He wants them both in your hands.

Word Count: 3.9k

*Contains Mature and Explicit content! Please only consume what you feel comfortable with!💞You are so much more important!*

“I’m sorry, you want me to what?”

Harry grins as he tosses the bag aside and steps closer. His large hands grip the leather collar and leash with reverence and intrigue as he studies it, raising it slightly so you can get a better look. “Come on, don’t tell me you’ve never considered it before.”

“I have,” you agree, eyebrow raised as you glance over the object he’s offering to you. “I just didn’t expect you to.”

His broad shoulder lifts and falls in a casual shrug. “We’ve tried a lot of things together. Figured this shouldn’t be any different.”

You take the collar and weigh it in your palms. Feeling the soft but dangerous material as you notice his eyes get a bit bigger. “And you want me to use this…on you?”

He nods. “Thought about it when I was at the store. How it would look in your hand. Wrapped around your pretty fist as you kept me close to you.”

There’s a drop in his voice. Dark and somewhat dangerous. Yet laced within the devious instruction…submission.

You can see it written all over his face. That desperate, insatiable need to be taken care of by you. To see you in control of him. To be yours.

And you aren’t opposed to the idea. You love this side of him. Love getting to see him all fucked out and needy. It’s one of your favorite things in the world, and he does it so well.

You’ve no sooner begun to consider this proposition when he suddenly and slowly begins to drop to his knees before you. Those big, beautiful eyes following you all the way down, filled with nothing but lust and adoration.

Your breath hitches as he starts to pull on your hands, bringing you and the collar closer while his lips part with wonder. Silently pleading with you to trust him. Have him. Ruin him.

“Please, baby,” he whispers, and it makes your stomach drop. “Just wanna feel you. Feel you pull on me. Feel you lead me. Want you to make me good for you. Want you to use me anyway you want.”

The idea is tantalizing. The image in your head of his shaky hands and pliable body. Eager to please you. Make you feel good.

“Wanna be buried in you,” he continues. “Want you to keep me trapped between your thighs. Want you to wrap it around that pretty fist, no slack. Until I can’t breathe.”

You bite back your own whine.

“Want you to tug on me,” he says, and it’s the most beautiful sound in the world. “Put me where you want me. Guide me. Yank on me. Make me kiss you so you can taste yourself on my tongue. Make me do whatever you want me to do.”

The world shifts on a dime as you stumble over a deep breath and stare at him.

He’s far too good at this.

You slip your fingers free of his grasp to delicately ghost them down his cheek. “Yeah?”

His lashes flutter at your touch. “Yeah. Please, Bee. Make me good for you.”

He continues to guide the items toward his throat, hoping you get the hint, and your pulse stumbles as he shifts on the floor.

“Please,” he says again. It’s a gentle whimper, filled with hope, and it forces the last of your resolve to crumble.

Overwhelmed by excitement and desire, you nod once, and his entire demeanor shifts as he grins up at you. Tugging on your wrists until you’re forced to bend down and crash your lips into his.

He thanks you through this kiss, sighing against your mouth as he melts beneath you. Already submitting to you before you’ve even obliged his request.

But you do oblige, fingers fiddling with the buckle until you can loosen it and make sure it’s ready.

And once it is, you check with him, wanting to make sure he’s still all right.

His expression softens when he sees the slight hesitancy on your face. In turn, he brings your palm to his mouth so he can leave a chaste, reassuring kiss before nuzzling his cheek against your hand.

“I love you,” he whispers. “And I trust you. And I want to do this. Wanna do this with you.”

It’s what you’d needed to hear. The confirmation that he’ll be okay. That this is truly what he wants. And not what he thinks he should want.

It gives you the confidence to continue, slipping the leather around his neck before fastening it and making sure it’s just right.

You feel his breath catch as your fingers graze across his throat. The way he swallows, Adam’s apple bobbing beneath the collar while he looks up at you longingly. As if you put the sun in the sky.

You grin. “How’s it feel, baby?”

“Good.” He places his hands on his thighs, fingers curling into his pants. “Perfect.”

“Good,” you echo before pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Where do you wanna be? On the bed?”

“I wanna be wherever you want me,” he says, and you feel your thighs clench. “Tell me where to go. Take me where you want to go.”

You smile at this before hesitantly bringing the clip on the leash toward his neck. “Are you sure?”

“Very,” he replies instantaneously. Almost before you’ve even finished the question. “Guide me, Bee. Please.”

Your eyes search his. “And you know what happens once I put this on?”

He says nothing, instead waiting for you to tell him what happens. Like the obedient boy you know he is.

You dip down, lips hovering near his as you clip him in. “You belong to me. You’re mine. Your hands, your mouth, your cock. It’s all mine.”

“Yes,” he exhales, scooting up as if impatient to be closer to you. “Shit, yes. Always.”

Your heart feels like it explodes in your chest as you kiss him again and straighten up, nodding for him to do the same.

You take his hand and lead him to the bed, pulling him down after you as you crawl back toward the headboard, and he crawls between your thighs.

And once you’re settled, he reaches for the leash you had let drop and shoves it back into your palm.

You aren’t used to holding it, you realize. Aren’t used to guiding him in such a way, and he seems to understand this as he squeezes your fist closed around the leather and smiles softly.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs again, attempting to reassure you a second time. “S’okay, baby. Just need you. Fucking need you, Bee. Please”

You want to do this for him. Want to do this for both of you, and you allow yourself to grow comfortable with this role as you give him your consent and grip it tight.

It’s new territory for you both. A strange sort of dominance you aren’t quite sure you know what to do with. But you love it. Love the way he looks at you as his body now bends to your will. The way he settles onto his hands and knees like he was always meant to be there.

Warily, you make the first tug, bringing him closer so you can kiss him again. Needing the taste of his lips to help you through.

He obliges. More than willingly while squeezing your hips three times to remind you he loves you.

And as the scene officially begins, you finally find your nerve.

You jut your chin toward your legs and softly command, “Take them off.”

He does, instantly, hands reaching for the zipper on your pants to tug them down. He works fast, ridding you of the material within seconds, and you feel slightly enamored watching those hands of his you love dance with such determination.

He then moves for your underwear but hesitates when he realizes he doesn’t have the explicit instruction.

You smile. “Go ahead.”

He does. Ripping them down your thighs until he can toss them aside.

The cool air sends a shiver down your spine as you watch him gaze at your cunt like it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. Even when he’s seen it a hundred times.

His eyes then flick up to yours, desperate and willing. Silently begging you for more as you readjust your grip on the leash and tug again.

You remember his previous suggestion and wrap the leather around your knuckles a time or two until there’s no slack. Until he has no other choice but to stay stuck between your legs.

And as you stare at each other, you feel exactly how much he appreciates you in this moment. How much he loves you. Trusts you. Feels enchanted by you.

It’s everything in the world you need.

“Go,” you finally whisper, and his hands tighten on your legs. “And don’t stop until I tell you.”

With that, you allow him to dip down and chase after your pussy with his mouth. Surging forward to capture your clit between his lips as if it’s all he’s been wanting. Which you imagine it is.

You watch his head bob with each lick to your folds. Each suck, each wet kiss, each whimper from your taste. He loves this. Eats you like fucking dessert, and your thighs clench in his hold as he goes.

You know his technique well. Know what he loves to do the most. How he loves to tease. Like the way he’ll slip the tip of his tongue inside your fluttering hole just to pull back and lick beside it. Above it. Anywhere but where you need him most.

He does this now. Repeats the torture until you can hardly stand it. Then, he takes hold of your clit with his teeth and makes you cry out his name.

He pushes your legs into the bed. Holds you down—traps you. Makes sure you can’t squirm away from him the way you’re so apt to do.

Everything about him is perfect, you realize. His hair, his nose, his fingers. The rings and the way they shimmer beneath the soft light of the lamp in the bedroom. His chin, and the way it glistens with your arousal. His body and the way it rocks into the bed from how hard he must be.

Then, he pulls back just enough to pucker those pretty pink lips and spit directly onto your already soaked pussy. Using his tongue to spread it around and allow the sounds of your drenched cunt to echo between you.

“Harry,” you mewl again, and out of reflex, your arm jerks. Yanking on the leash and collar until Harry is wrenched forward.

He moans, louder than you think you’ve ever heard, and it’s so lewd. So deliciously pornographic that it makes your stomach quiver as he’s pressed right up against you, nose and mouth buried deep within your cunt.

You imagine he can’t breathe now, exactly like how he’d wanted. But he doesn’t seem to mind as he takes you into his lungs. Nipping, kissing, and sucking on you with such zealous fascination that you wonder if he’ll ever stop.

His arms loop beneath your legs and hips until he’s nearly pulling you through him. Groaning appreciatively as your eyes roll back.

“Shit…shit, Har,” you whimper, toes curling into the duvet as your free hand lands in his hair. Scraping down his scalp while his lashes flutter.

He makes another noise that vibrates across your clit, and it’s a symphony of sex and pleasure that almost kills you. But you do it again just to memorize the sensation one last time.

“Please,” you faintly hear him whisper, and it makes your heart leap as you look down. “Fuck, please, Bee. Please come for me. Want you to come. Want you to come so bad.”

And you know he does. Not because he wants to be through or because he wants his own satisfaction but because feeling you come, seeing it, tasting it…is his favorite part.

Especially because it means he can make you come again.

“Need it,” he says now, and you feel his nails curls into your hips as your grip on the leash gets tighter. “Need it, baby, please…please—”

“I know,” you pant, back arching from the bed as your legs push against his hold, desperate to close around his head. “M’almost there. Doing so good for me.”

The praise makes his submissive and needy noises louder before he drives his tongue back inside your hole. Groaning when you clench around him, and growling when he tastes you. Swallows you. Indulges in you.

And when you finally come undone, it nearly wrecks you. Rips your body in two, violent and unforgiving. Your entire being recoils away from the overwhelming rush as the leash is pulled tight in your hand.

But Harry doesn’t mind. He presses his face into your thigh and watches you. Mesmerized and infatuated. Grinning happily as his tongue runs over his lip to collect what’s left.

And once you’ve caught your breath, he squeezes your hips three times.

Before going again.

Remembering your instruction not to stop until you’ve told him, he moves back to your pussy and presses his mouth into the swollen, sensitive nerves.

His name rips from your throat as you scrape down his scalp once more. Overwhelmed by the feel and the look on his face.

Soft, kitten licks are laid against your folds before he grows a bit more determined. Pressing and flicking anywhere he can reach.

He blows on your clit to make you cry out before thrusting his tongue back in your hole. A devilish pace that has you seeing stars before you’re coming again.

And as you’re unraveling for the second time, he moves back up. Sucking you into his mouth before using his teeth to tease you. Gentle, of course, but enough to activate your pain kink.

You writhe, the leash clutched tightly in your hand as you attempt to loosen your grip. But you can’t, not with the way he’s overstimulating you, and the moment your third one hits, you gasp, “Stop.”

He does, instantly, pulling back as far as the restraint will allow to watch you fall apart for him.

You’re almost dizzy, lost in the euphoria and in the look on his face.

He moves his mouth to your thighs this time around, kissing the skin tenderly as his lashes flutter shut.

When you finally feel strong enough to sit up, you shoot him a smile, and delicately yank on him until he’s forced to bring his kisses to you. Which he does, eagerly sharing your taste while you both sigh.

You find comfort in the feel of his body as it settles atop yours. In his strong arms, his warm skin, his effortless ability to make you feel safe.

And he seems to feel the same as he makes a home above you, worshiping every inch of your body his hands can roam.

The room is much quieter now. Broken only by the sound of soft breaths and lazy kisses. You simply exist together. And it’s the most wonderful thing in the world to be loved by him.

Then, he shifts, and you hear him release a rather wounded sound.

Worried, you glance down, only to see his rather obvious and presumably painful erection now pushing against his pants.

A bit relieved but mostly intrigued, you begin to smile as you catch the way he subtly rocks his body into your leg. Desperate to find some sort of friction and release.

“Please,” he suddenly whispers into your neck, lips nuzzling under your jaw as though to hide. “Please…”

Pretending to be oblivious, you ghost your lips across his forehead. “Please?”

He exhales a shaky breath, as if it physically pains him, and the sound almost breaks your heart. “Need you…”

“Oh, honey,” you coo, brushing your thumb along his cheekbone. “Does it hurt?”

He nods, and the knowledge that he gets so worked up just from having you makes your chest swell with adoration.

“I bet.” You brush back a rogue curl from his temple as you study his pained expression. “Bet you wanna make it go away, hm? Wanna make it feel better?”

He nods quickly, the leash shaking in your hand as a result, and you grin a bit bigger.

“Think I should let you?” you ask, and his eyes grow wide. “Think you’ve been good enough to come?”

He nods again, pressing his mouth into your thumb as you trail your finger across his lip.

“Maybe I will,” you murmur, and you can almost see his heart leap into his throat. “Maybe I’ll let you come for me.”

“Please,” he soughs, scooting closer in an attempt to kiss you, but you swiftly tug on the collar to keep him back.

“But if I let you come…” you add, “…you do it alone.”

His features twist into a different sort of pain now, and it almost hurts you to do this to him—to both of you—but you carry on.

“I won’t touch you,” you tell him. “If you wanna come, you make yourself come. You be good, and you do it for me.”

It’s obvious that the idea of not getting to feel you kills him, but the throbbing in his pants is unmistakable. And you know he’ll take what he can get.

So, with a rather pretty pout, he agrees to your stipulation and moves to pull his jeans down.

You watch eagerly, ready to see the sight of him, mouth almost drooling.

He fumbles around for a minute, clearly too worked up to really think straight, but eventually, he manages to pull himself free.

It’s hard, and heavy, and so very red. Angry and swollen, desperate to be touched, and you almost cave. Almost wrap your lips around him to taste the precum dripping, and it takes every ounce of willpower you don’t have to resist.

Tentatively, his hand wraps around the base. He starts with soft, gentle strokes, his head dropping back and his mouth opening in bliss.

It’s so very beautiful. Like artwork in a museum and you clench pitifully at the sight.

Struck with an idea, you tug on him again, capturing his attention as his curious eyes find yours.

You gesture toward your cunt, feeling rather breathless yourself as your legs slide open. “Go on.”

He instantly understands, nearly melting while quickly reaching forward to run his fingers through your arousal. Collecting it in his hand before bringing it back to his cock.

He smooths it over the tip before dragging it down, and the noises that rip from his throat are unholy. Dangerous and devilish. Sex in a sound, and you swallow a moan as you watch him work himself faster.

He braces himself with a hand on the bed beside your thigh. Close enough that you can feel his body heat, but far enough that your bodies never touch.

It’s as painful for you as you imagine it is for him. But it’s so worth it to see him touch his cock so reverently. Lids squeezed shut as he pictures whatever it is that gets him off. As the sweat begins to form along his hairline from the steady but anguished pace.

“S’it feel good?” you whisper, and he nods quickly. “Yeah? What do you think about when you touch yourself, hm? You think about me?”

He leans forward, almost as if the weight of your suggestion is going to knock him over, and you smile.

“Think about fucking me?” you continue. “Think about the way I love to ride this pretty cock? Until you can see it in my tummy? Like to see it, don’t you? Like to feel how deep you are?”

He steels himself from the thought, soft, anxious whimpers slipping free as he squeezes the tip.

“Or do you think about how I love to take it down my throat?” you ask. “Fucking love to swallow around you. Lick you clean, taste how good you are for me.”

Another groan, louder and more depraved.

“S’my favorite cock in the whole world,” you tell him, and you can see the rush of emotion on his face. “Wish I could taste it now. Or feel it, stretching me open. Love to feel you stretch me, baby. Love to bounce on you. Make you feel good.”

“Bee,” he breathes, and you swear your heart skips. “Bee, please…please—”

“What?” You tug him closer, bringing his lips only inches from yours. Close, but not close enough. “What is it, honey?”

He whines, hand desperately running up and down his cock that now lies centimeters away from your cunt. It would be far too easy for him to slip inside, and he knows this. The wounded expression returning as he stares down at your pussy with regret.

“Please,” he tries again, hoping to sway you. He knows the drop in his voice is your weakness. Knows how to play you like a fucking violin and you swallow thickly as you readjust beneath him.

“Please what?” you taunt, gripping the leash tight in your hand, trapping him where he is. “You wanted to come, baby. And I’m letting you come.”

He groans, but it’s so very sweet. A beautiful melody of his despair, and when he sees the way you clench from the sound, his eyes nearly roll out of his head.

“Bee, please,” he nearly wails, trying to get closer only to be stopped by the leather around his neck.

“No.” You trail your fingers along your inner thigh before moving for your cunt. Fanning the flames as you dip through the collected wetness to bring it to your mouth.

And he watches you suck yourself off your fingers. Watches you revel in the taste as you make a noise of appreciation.

The veins in his arms push desperately against his skin and you feel oddly giddy to see the physical reaction to your teasing. Beholden by his beauty.

“I’m…m’close,” he suddenly gasps, as if running out of air. Out of time, out of patience. “Please…please—”

“Yeah?” You glance down, noticing his sloppy pace. His willingness to give you everything he has. “Think I should let you?”

He nods quickly, tugging on his lip so hard with his teeth that you can see the skin tear.

And you know he’s been good for you. Know he’s done everything you’ve asked of him, and truth be told…you need him to come more than he probably does.

“All right,” you finally agree. “Go ahead, baby. Come for me.”

He does, almost instantly. As if trained by the sound of your voice, and the sight of him painting his hand, his stomach, your cunt, and your thighs with his release is mesmeric.

The moment he’s given you everything he has, he collapses in your arms. Needing to be surrounded by you in order to come to.

And you smile as you run your fingers through his hair. Loving the feel of his lips on your throat. The way he kisses you tenderly as he whispers, “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

It’s everything.

But when he leans back to see you, you offer him a devious smile. “Where you going, hm?”

You yank on the leather until he’s forced back down between your legs. Now eye level with his come as it drips down your pussy.

He begins to grin as he looks up at you.

Then…you tug.

“You aren’t done yet.”

(Inspired by the wonderful @1800titz who was gracious enough to let me spin off her amazing idea!!😭💞)

Next Part:

~ Take Me*

Previous Part:

~ Use Me*

- Full Teach Me Masterlist

~ Other Harry Blurbs

~ Full Masterlist

Tags: (Since this is an extra, I have no idea if you guys want to be tagged in it, but if not, please let me know! And I will remove you promptly! But if you are okay with being on this list, then welcome back, I've missed you🥹💞)

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#harry #harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles blurb #harry styles request #harry styles fan #harry edward styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles smut #smut #harry styles teach me #teach me #harry and bee #harry styles concept #imagine #sub!harry #subrry

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felassan · 1 month

Text

Thoughts on DA: Vows & Vengeance -

[info compilation post link] [more info on the podcast]

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this post is rather unstructured : )

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I know what BW said about how there won't be official transcripts, but I hope that they decide to post official transcripts of each episode if it's possible, as it's rly important for accessibility & inclusivity.

I like the title - the alliteration is fun, and the concepts of vengeance and revenge are a DA thematic staple atp. it's neat that it's free and the spacing of one episode per week until mid/late October will help pass the time until launch (the last podcast episode releases 2 weeks before DA:TV Release Day). it's also cool to see DA expand into new forms of media, and I'm excited that we will hear lots more lines from each of the 7 Veilguard companions. 👁️

here is one of the podcast writers, Jeremy Novick, on Twitter.

I’m really looking forwards to Taash and Davrin’s episodes of the podcast in particular ◕‿◕ it feels like we don't know much about them or their backstories relative to the other DA:TV companions at this point in time.

Nadia Carcosa, Drayden and Elio are described as being "podcast-exclusive" characters, I guess this means they will not appear in the game itself (which helps the podcast storyline stay self-contained and the podcast to remain as optional listening). but it would be cool if in the game there is some references to them here and there, like in dialogue and/or codex entries/notes etc. 😊

in the background image of the teaser trailer and what looks like the thumbnail for the podcast[?] on podcasting sites, the two faction symbols shown are the Mourn Watch and the Shadow Dragons. is this a coincidence/just since their symbols look cool, or are these two factions the factions with the biggest roles in the podcast storyline relative to the others? the penultimate episodes are the ones that focus on Emmrich and Neve 🤔

"revenge, redemption, and love": these themes mixed together often produce regret. and there was a quote somewhere in DA:TV marketing materials that said “For DA:TV [the game itself], from the start one of the biggest themes has been regret; how regret shaped peoples’ lives, how people deal with their regrets, how people maybe move past their regrets.”

Mae Whitman previous credits include: Avatar: The Last Airbender, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World Brigette Lundy-Paine previous credits include: Bill & Ted Face the Music, Atypical, I Saw the TV Glow Armen Taylor previous credits include: Diablo IV, Octopath Traveler II, Vinland Saga

I wonder when the podcast is set? maybe in the weeks to months before Varric, Harding, Neve and Rook go to Solas' ritual site in the game's prologue? I also wonder what lineages Nadia, Drayden and Elio are? If Drayden has a mysterious connection to the Fade, they're most likely to be human or elven, right?

cat burglar, thief, scoring jobs like the one described in the podcast's plotblurbs - these kind of plot beats remind me of what we learned about an earlier concept of DA:TV when the game was more about stuff like heists and spies.

Nadia being a thief unknowingly employed by the Dread Wolf to track down a powerful ancient artifact before finding herself tangled up in everything: this reminds me sm of one of the 'here's what the DA4 PC's backstory could be and how they could end up caught up in the narrative of the game'-speculation ideas I used to wonder about hhh.

a retired cat burglar.. maybe Nadia has ties to the Lords of Fortune? some of them seem to be more thiefy. although, being wanted by Tevinter authorities for crimes of theft, high treason and murder maybe points towards Shadow Dragons instead.

two lovers going on a job to get an artifact reminds me of Irian Cestes and Vadis from TN. "burglar" also gives me Hobbit/LOTR vibes :D I imagine that over the many years since DA:I, the Dread Wolf has employed many such people [unknowingly to them] on jobs like this.

Elio being "seemingly" banished to the Fade is interesting wording.. so is "banished" actually. (Elio's Fade banishment also makes me think of foreshadowing Solas' subsequent entry to Fade Jail in DA:TV.) ((shoutout to left-in-the-Fade-Hawkes' LIs who I can also imagine desperately searching for answers on a rescue mission across all of Thedas after learning that Hawke was left in the Fade in DA:I...))

Carcosa

I'm reaaally curious about what Drayden's mysterious connection to the Fade is all about and entails.

"a few [answers] they wish they hadn’t" 👁️...

the question is, what the powerful ancient artifact is, and why does Solas want it? if he wants it it's probably ancient elven, right?

On the trailer itself

"This chamber, it feels different from the cave. I can sense something. The Veil is thin here." - I'd guess this speaker is Drayden. it isn't Nadia, as we hear her later on. the speaker can sense the thin/thickness of the Veil and Drayden is said to have a mysterious connection to the Fade. at this point they're in some kind of, well, chamber, as the speaker's voice echoes and you can hear water dripping down the damp walls.

The announcer's voice is so deep hh!

To be wanted by Tevinter authorities for crimes including high treason, maybe Nadia is from Tevinter? treason is "the crime of betraying one's country, especially by attempting to kill or overthrow the sovereign or government." so to commit treason in Tevinter context, you're probably from Tevinter.

"Who the hell is Nadia Carcosa?" - this sounds like Varric. :>

"So, what's the mark?" - I'd guess this speaker is Nadia. they sound scrappy/seasoned (Nadia is nearly retired), and the speaker is probably asking for more details on the job they've just acquired to do. does she sound like she could be a dwarf to anyone else or is this just me? :D maybe that's just my daydreams hhh

"The Eye of Kethisca" quote: presumably the middle man who Solas hired to hire someone, thereby keeping his own identity secret

The Eye of Kethisca itself: this must be the "powerful ancient artifact" from the text blurbs. there are no hits for "Kethisca" on the DA Wiki, so this is a new name/thing. it must be creepy-deepy, because when it's mentioned in the trailer you can hear creepy voices whispering ominously. :D "Kethisca" doesn't sound elven, but you could easily have an artifact that's e.g. ancient elven but acquired another name or been called something else by others in the centuries since.

"The Eye was made from a rare gem mined here in the caves beneath us. It was crafted centuries ago by a powerful Dreamer." - Solas speaking. I wonder how oblique/lies of omission/technically true (you know what I mean? that thing he does) Solas is being here.. like maybe the Dreamer was an ancient elvhen Dreamer not a human Tevinter one, like maybe the centuries ago were centuries and centuries and centuries ago dating back to Elvhenan rather than later on temporally at say, a more recent time in history like the height of the Imperium. "Eye" makes me think of spherical things, "gem" makes me think of how lyrium (Titans' blood) is a mineral. caves makes me think of dwarfy things and the Deep Roads. as for "mined":

"The runes say the Evanuris fought the Titans. They mined their bodies for lyrium and... something else. It's not clear."

what if the Eye is the heart of a Titan, a foci? Solas' Orb was spherical and the hearts of Titans look spherical here in the Death of a Titan mural. the way he frames it makes it sound like the mark is a rare jewel mined from caves by a Tevinter human dreamer long ago before being crafted into something, but I wonder if it was, more technically, the heart of a Titan mined from the body of a Titan even longer ago by, say, a member of the Evanuris, before being crafted into a foci. Solas needed his own foci in DA:I to carry out his plans, and then it was broken. there was more than one foci in ancient Elvhenan; after DA:I and Trespasser, I could see a world/storyline in which, during the long years between then and DA:TV, Solas at some point learns that another one of the foci artifacts survived into the modern day, and decided to try and get his hands on it so that he can carry out his plan using another foci instead. and since the foci can do Fadey/Veily stuff, that could be how Elio got yeeted in there. reminds me a bit of the scene when the Inquisitor yeets Cory at the end of DA:I. (here I'm just speculating wildly for fun hhh. Solas' Orb doesn't really look like a gem etc. and the Lyrium Knife tears the Veil, so maybe this storyline was set before he got that or sth)

also I wonder where these caves are? beneath Minrathous? Solas has a hideout beneath Minrathous, as we know, and the deeper you go the more elfy things get.

Magister Andante: I think this is our first time hearing about this character. their name reminds me of Andraste.

"Magister Andante? It's about Nadia. She's about to do something quite reckless." - this sounds to me like Neve speaking. it kind of sounds like she's meeting the magister clandestinely, at night. she seems to know Nadia.

"Listen to me, you've been tricked. This isn't a simple grab-and-go for the money. There are bigger forces at play. We have to put this back and leave." - I'd guess this speaker is Elio. it sounds like at this point he and Nadia have found the Eye and taken it, but he's trying to get her to see reason/warn her. it's a tense moment with the sound of battle all around them.

"I'm sorry, but I won't let you pay for my mistakes." - Nadia refusing to listen to Elio. the sounds of battle get louder and it sounds like there's an explosion or something? plus the dragon roar. maybe Mr dragon is breathing fire everywhere. :D I wonder as well if it's Elio grunting in pain at this point. I'd guess this is the moment where Elio is seemingly yeeted into the Fade perhaps?

"Nadia, I presume. I am Solas, and I am, I believe, the one that you seek." - Solas again obviously, only this time sounding way more godly and Fen'Harelly in persona (booming) than he did when he was talking more demurely/plainly about what the Eye is.

"The name I seek is the Dread Wolf" - Nadia again obviously :) so something in the job went wrong, she figures out who hired them, and goes to find the Dread Wolf presumably because she either blames him for Elio being stuck in the Fade and/or she thinks he might be able to get him out or tell her how.

"The Eye will destroy you" - and this sounds like Neve again maybe?

#dragon age: the veilguard #dragon age: dreadwolf #dragon age the veilguard spoilers #dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #da4 #dragon age #bioware #video games #long post #longpost #solas #dragon age: vows & vengeance #dragon age: tevinter nights

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piscespetals · 11 months

Text

summary: in which sevika becomes your roommate. read part two here

content: this fic is 4-5 chapters long. i'm still trying to figure out if i should condense it to 4 or keep it at five. mostly gay pinning, fluff, angst and small slivers of smut (not very good at smut writing but i'm trying)

word count: 5k

thanks for reading!

Chapter One

It all started when your best friend told you she was moving out…

You both shared a flat, and for the last near decade or so, everything had relatively been good.

Until it wasn't.

“I know it's kind of bittersweet but,” Mel shrugs, looking down at the ice cream cone in her hand. Remnants of the vanilla treat gather above her top lip. You almost say something but she licks it away with one clean swipe of her tongue. “Alicia has been talking about this for almost a year. And I think it's time we take the next step.”

Alicia is Mel’s long-term girlfriend. Honestly, you should’ve seen it coming. It's a miracle that they haven't already moved in together considering how long they’ve been in each other’s lives. You should be happy for them. You really should. But a part of you keeps thinking about the upcoming renewal of the lease and the empty space that’ll fill up Mel’s side of the apartment once she leaves.

The two of you have been living together for a huge chunk of your adulthood. Honestly, the thought of returning home to Mel has been your norm for almost as long as you’ve been filing tax returns.

And now—she’s moving.

Leaving.

Just like that.

“Oh,” She croons. Her ice cream cone nearly falls as she scooches closer to you. “Don't cry.”

Your tears drip down your cheeks before trailing the slope of your jaw.

You aren’t surprised. This reaction is warranted. You aren't good at goodbyes.

Actually, no—this isn't quite a goodbye.

But it sure as hell feels just as painful.

There's not enough breathing exercises that’ll prepare you for the life transition that's doomed to happen. A chapter of your adulthood is closing right before your eyes. Mel will move out, marry Alicia, and have annoyingly cute babies. You’ll be the designated bestfriend–turned–aunt that will always feel stuck; left behind.

It will be horrible.

“Nothing will change,” Mel comforts. She tries to multitask the art of devouring her ice cream while slinging her free arm around you. Her bubbling optimism is nearly comedic compared to your wallowing spirits.

“Everything will change!” Your voice cracks, body jerking as your lungs cause you to inhale sharp uneven gasps. “You've replaced me with Alicia as your roommate. Is she asking for the best friend title too?”

“Oh god—babe,” Another lick of her ice cream. She's trying to contain her laughter. The nerve of her! “I’ll always be your best friend. You know that.” She squeezes your shoulder. “Everything will be okay. I promise.”

Your eyes burn more and another melodramatic wail leaves you.

The image of you–old and decrepit–in a nursing home comes to fruition. You're in the bed, smelly and miserable, while Alicia and Mel stand before you. They're old too, but far more beautiful. Far more accomplished. Less lonely. Still married. Still happy.

Oh, and their kids are probably there in the room too; asking Mel why “their Aunt hasn't been properly groomed?”

Mel is absolutely wrong.

Everything will certainly not be okay.

After a few days of sulking, you have a change of heart when Mel says, “I think I’ve found you a new roommate.”

Suddenly, the imminent doom of Mel moving out doesn’t seem so harrowing. Of course it still saddens you–she’s your best friend after all–but you’re no longer burdened with the stress of trying to find her replacement.

You and Mel butt heads about a ton of senseless things, but she never disappoints you on the most important matters.

So if she thinks that someone is suitable enough to be your roommate, then you have hope that she’s right.

“Who?” Your head snaps up as you look at her. She stands on the other side of the kitchen island, elbows leaning against the wooden countertop and chin resting in her palms. You were mopping the floor–a truly rare occurrence for you–when Mel came out of her room to announce the good news.

“You know how Alicia goes out with her teammates every now and then?”

Your memory travels to the brief conversations of Mel mentioning this in the past. Alicia used to be a college athlete during her undergrad. Apparently, she still has a budding relationship with a few of her old teammates, and likes to go to dinners with them to catch up every few months.

“Well,” Mel continues. “Her friend, Sevika, hasn’t been able to come to the dinners these last few years because she lived up north for a while. But she’s back in town. And I guess she doesn’t like the place she’s at. Apparently, it’s too close to the city. Too hectic. She’s been looking at places in our neighborhood. And when Alicia mentioned it to me, I just figured...”

You nod slowly in understanding, “Oh.”

“I mean, it’s kind of working out perfectly…rather coincidental but I just thought it would make you feel better if your next roommate wasn’t a complete stranger.”

“Do you know her well?”

“I’ve hung out with Sevika countless times before she moved away.” The brown irises of Mel’s eyes become distant; as if she’s drifting off to another time. “God, that feels like so long ago somehow... But I think you’d like her.” Her lips pull into a small smile. “She seems a bit remote at first but it’s all fun and games. I promise.”

“Okay,” You shake your head, trying to wrap your brain around it all. “And you’re sure that she’s–I mean, not that I don’t trust your word. I’m just nervous, I suppose. She isn’t like–”

“Sevika’s good people,” Mel laughs, gazing at you with understanding. “But I get it. So here’s what I was thinking… We can host a brunch and invite her over? That way you can meet her formally and get to know her. Maybe show her around the place? As much as I want this to pan out great, it’s still your decision to make at the end of the day.” She pauses a few beats, trying to gauge your reaction. “What do you think?”

Your hands fiddle with the top of the swiffer handle as you weigh your options. You had put together a more elaborate and time consuming plan prior to today; which would have consisted of flyers and roommate interviews and even Facebook posts. Of course, posting to Facebook would have been the last resort; an addition to the plan that you only added out of mere desperation. But it was a plan nonetheless.

Mel’s offer is more tempting.

“Okay,” You sigh, squeezing the handle of the swiffer. “But if this doesn’t work out, then you owe me ice cream.”

She beams, clapping her hands together excitedly.

“And not the cheap kind,” You add. “I’m talking Cold Stone.”

Mel doesn’t appear to be fazed. Instead, she turns on her heels, making her way back to her room. “I’m gonna call Alicia and let her know!” The exclamation has a song-like lilt to it; a clear indication of her delight.

You bite the inside of your cheek, fighting off a grin while you carry the swiffer to the trash can.

Your thumb absentmindedly plays with the stringy bracelet decorating your right wrist; a gift that Mel gave you over ten years ago when the two of you first became friends. It’s nearly falling apart now, but still a staple piece in your daily attire. You find yourself looming over the possible outcome of tonight’s gathering–for the ‘nth time–as your stomach stirs with unease.

It’s not like you haven’t been obsessively ruminating over this very evening. It’s all you’ve been able to think about ever since Mel helped you plan it last week. But despite all of the preparation, your mouth still remains dry.

You’re seated at the dining table, with Mel to your right and Alicia right across from her. Sevika faces you directly, which is a circumstance you tried to desperately avoid upon Mel’s suggestion.

“How do you guys like the food?” Mel asks. “I can proudly say that I’ve managed to keep the kitchen intact while I was preparing it.”

Alicia’s eyes twinkle when she glances at her girlfriend. “It’s good, honey. Thank you.”

A pair of alert grey irises flicker to you: Sevika’s.

The woman studies you with a gaze that is piercing and direct. She takes you in fully–something that she’s been doing all night–which makes you feel as if you’re under inspection. You can’t decide whether or not you like that about her.

“It was nice, Mel.” You reply. You wolfed down your food the minute your plate was served. So now you’re just awkwardly waiting for everyone else to finish their meal.

You usually don’t eat so quickly, but the task gave you something else to distract yourself with, rather than Sevika’s scrutiny.

But despite doing everything possible to avoid her stare, you can’t help but notice the calm and leisure way she eats her food. From what you’ve gathered, she doesn’t seem fond of mixing meals with conversation. But there’s still a pleasant way that she dines.

The oscillation of her jaw, especially with every chew, is a trait that you find particularly distracting…

“So, are you enjoying your return to town?” Mel inquires, turning to Sevika. She’s always had the talent of conversing with the least willing.

It takes a few seconds for Sevika to shift her gaze away from you.

You feel your muscles relax when she does.

“Yeah, it’s been good,” Sevika’s voice adopts an amiable timbre; a pattern you’ve picked up on every time she addresses Mel. “The traffic sucks on the east side, but that's nothing new.”

Mel hums in understanding. “Well, I think you’ll like it here.The people are quieter. Life is slower.”

That’s when Alicia takes that as her cue to wrap her arm around Sevika’s shoulder. They’re both nearly the same height, only Alicia is leaner.

“It’s good that you’re back home,” Alicia butts in. “You’re getting wrinkles. You’ve been frowning too much.”

Sevika rolls her eyes. “I’ve been perfectly fine.”

“Is that so? I heard…”

You’re ripped from their conversation when Mel wraps her fingers around your bicep. She leans into your ear, whispering, “Let’s go to the kitchen.”

You follow her without question.

It’s not until you’re grabbing the fruit salad out of the refrigerator when she says, “How are you liking her so far?”

You bite the inside of your cheek while carrying the dessert to the counter.

“I don’t know.” You try to sort through your feelings to find some sort of opinion–anything–that can help you identify your stance. But it’s to no avail. “She’s a bit intense, don’t you think?”

“Well,” Mel snickers. “I suppose.”

You glance up at her, noticing the way that she’s covering her smile with her hand. She flutters her eyelashes coyly, “But is that not a good thing? You’ve been staring at her all evening.” She continues, wiggling her eyebrow.

“Please don’t.”

“What? I’m just saying…”

“There’s nothing that needs to be said.”

“...the tension has been palpable ever since you laid eyes on her. You don’t have to make it into a bad thing, babe. You both are grown adults here.”

Your jaw is clenching when you mutter, “Well, you're off-base on this one.”

You think you hear her laugh again, but you don’t have the energy to entertain it. Instead, you turn around and march back to the dining room.

Your eyes are slightly droopy from the combination of wine and dinner that sloshes in your belly.

Under the haze of the ceiling lamps, you stand with your arms folded across your chest.

“This would be your room,” You’re mumbling. Sevika hums beside you, only a few feet away. She’s so far yet so close. Too close.

Yet not close enough.

You feel silly for thinking such thoughts.

It must be the wine.

The floorboards creak underneath her weight as she inspects the room. It has a fair amount of space in it. It’s larger than your room for sure. The connecting bathroom is smaller than yours though–a bargain that you and Mel made over a decade ago.

Sevika travels to a nearby wall, inspecting the paint job for a few seconds before peering at you.

Despite the warmth emanating from the heating system, a cool shiver runs through you.

Your voice dips with humor when you explain that, “Mel painted it a while back.”

You examine the way she pushes her tortoiseshell glasses up the bridge of her nose. A vein from her right forearm flexes due to the movement.

She smiles, poised and reposeful.

“Figures,” That’s when you notice the fullness of her lips—her prominent cupid's bow, and how well they look when spread into a grin like that.

She stretches her arms above her head, back arching as she seemingly holds back a yawn. You fight the urge to do the same, eyes trailing over her physique before you can stop yourself. Sevika looks strong–really strong. Her arms are thick bands of pure muscle and her broad shoulders barely concave from the movement.

She’s wearing a long-sleeved button up, which has a toffee silk-like material. You don’t realize how low her black slacks are sitting on her hips until the hem of her shirt rises. A happy trail peaks through, as well as deeply grooved muscles.

The sight feels sacrilegious and simultaneously pious. Your eyelids are heavy, droopy, when her muscles relax and her arms fall to her sides. You draw your attention back to her face. She’s caught you, eyebrows lifted and lips pursed to the side–an attempt to mask her amusement? You don’t know. Or at least, you don’t want to.

With the sudden pounding of your heart, you gesture behind you, “I can show you the laundry room?” Your desire to escape has never felt so prominent until then.

You're beginning to realize that she makes it hard for you to breathe when you’re around her.

Laughter rings in the air between everyone–Sevika, you, Alicia and Mel–while Alicia tells a funny story about a customer she had a few days prior. You’re wearing one of your nighttime sweaters now, a glass of wine in your hand, while all of you sit in the living room.

Sevika cards her hand through her hair. It’s no longer in its bun, meeting the sides of her face with buoyancy. The length is much longer than you initially thought, stopping a few inches below her neck; a feathery cut that frames her face quite perfectly.

She sits with her legs parted, left arm resting along the back of the couch. Her fingers lay a few inches from your right shoulder. With a mere flex of her hand, she’d be able to touch you.

Amidst the ring of Alicia’s voice–she’s going into detail about another story now–you turn to Sevika and ask, “Are you a heavy sleeper?”

You receive a better angle of her chiseled jaw when she tilts her head, expression contemplative while she thinks of an answer. You aren’t sure why it takes her so long since it’s not necessarily a loaded question to ask, but still—you allow her to think.

“Not really,” Her eyes dart back to you. “Is that a deal breaker?”

“I'm not sure,” You blink through a daze, overcome with an unexpected wave of tranquility due to her regard. “I listen to music sometimes in the middle of the night. It helps with my insomnia.”

“...Well, is it loud?”

“Not all the time. But you may hear it faintly.”

A nod. “Then that’s fine with me.”

You swivel the wine in your hand, “Besides going out for work, a lot of my hobbies consist of me being at home. You’ll probably see me a lot.”

“Not a problem.”

“I’m not incredibly messy or dirty but…” Your palms sweat from the loose confession. “I’m not a neat freak. And I don't like mornings. I'm really grumpy any hour before 11. Like—I will not speak if I can avoid it. And I’m a terrible cook.”

She looks away from you momentarily, lips rubbing together as her hand flexes. You grow rigid at the motion; she’s only inches away from coming in contact with your shoulder. Then her fingers relax. She looks back at you. Her lips part, “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

“Depends. Is it working?”

Her left eyebrow twitches. “You call the shots. If you don't think it’ll work, I can look into renting somewhere else.”

“I'm just trying to be transparent with you as much as possible.”

You don't want any surprises. The last thing you need is the false hope of thinking this will work just to ultimately have the infamous roommate disagreements that you've heard too much about.

You got lucky with Mel.

For 13 years, you’ve managed to have the best roommate dynamic. But now she's leaving soon. And you fear that those 13 years have just been a fluke.

If Sevika is truly serious about moving in, you need to make sure that it'll be a right fit.

“Do you have any kids?” You find yourself asking.

She lets out a gusty breath; a dry chuckle mixed with a hint of disbelief. For a second, you fear that you've offended her.

But then she's replying, “God no.” She grins with her head slightly shaking. You swear she leans a few inches closer as she adds, “Do you?”

You blink. You swallow. You try to not get distracted by the swirling grey of her irises. They're quite pretty. Too pretty. Unbelievably pretty.

“Definitely not.”

Her grin widens, “Okay, so we at least have that in common.” She allows her eyes to flicker to other features of your face; your eyebrows, then your cheeks, then your nose. “Are there any other incriminating questions that you have?”

“Of course.”

She laughs again and her eyes fall shut. There's a part of you that wants to draw closer to her at that moment. But you remain where you are; as if you’re resisting the tug of a rope.

“Okay,” She mutters, voice a gentle hum while her lips remain pulled into a grin.

“Does that annoy you?” You find yourself asking. It’s a silent test. You want to know if this will turn her away. Is she willing to answer your long list of questions? And if she is–will you find something about her that you don’t like?

“No, I don’t mind at all.” Her eyes flutter open slowly, blazing a stormy grey when they land on you. “Ask however many questions you need.”

Her hand flexes once more. This time you feel it. It’s the slightest graze, and too fleeting for it to feel real. The tip of her forefingers brush against the material of your shirt, at the very top of your bicep, before she’s running her hand through her hair. It could have been an accident–a mere sweep due to her close proximity–but you guess you’d never truly know.

Your breathing falters. She blinks at you with a placid expression, seemingly unfazed.

“Okay,” You clear your throat, shifting your weight restlessly. You try to put more distance between you two by subtly scooting a few inches to your left.

“...Going to get some more wine. Be right back!’ Mel calls.

The bubble around you and Sevika bursts.

You’re submerged into the sound of the TV playing an Old Navy commercial. Alicia stares at the screen with droopy eyes, feet propped up in the recliner chair and hands clasped together as they rest on her stomach. She hums lazily at Mel’s announcement. Faintly, you begin to hear Mel rummaging through the kitchen: the clanging of silverware, the rush of running water, then the thump! of a closing cupboard. The calming livelihood of Mel and Alicia’s existence buzzes around you. But you somehow find yourself turning back towards Sevika because, although you don't want to admit it, she’s a new enigma that’s hurdled into your life.

She beholds you with remarkable patience, elbow now resting against the back of the couch as she cradles her temple with her hand.

“So…” She says, voice laced with an expectation. She’s waiting on you.

“Right,” You nod. You shake your head in an attempt to clear the brain fog. Must be the alcohol... "Do you smoke?”

Sevika does smoke; she has a preference for cigars.

She’s a tattoo artist, which you never pinned her for. But after a few seconds of contemplation, it makes sense. She tells you that it’s been her career for a long time now.

She’s quite the morning person and a bit meticulous about her living environment. She likes to cook and happily divulges in burning incense. She doesn't have very many friends, but the ones she does have are practically her family—who, she assures with an unwavering gaze, are people that, “You will love.”

She doesn't watch much television, but she does have a knack for sports. “I like to have my friends over on game days,” She admits, sending you a sidelong glance. “Would that be something you're okay with?”

Not much time passes before you're nodding your head yes.

Sevika has no siblings and no parents. Her parents passed away a while back–a fact that you seemed more saddened by than her–and left her their house, which is why she moved out of town a few years ago.

When you ask her why she’s decided to return, she doesn't answer.

It’s your only question that makes her come to a full stop.

When the night ends and she’s getting ready to leave the apartment with Alicia quickly behind her, it’s the only question that's lingering in your mind.

And after Mel closes the door, bolts it shut and asks, “Any red flags from Sevika?”

It’s the sole reason why you find yourself hesitating, wanting—for some strange reason—to tell Mel yes. Even though every fiber of your being knows that the true answer is no.

Sevika’s vehicle is exactly the sort of car you’d picture her in. A sleek black Ram 1500 sits in front of you. Your eyes are wandering. You can't help it. You don't want to make it into a thing. It's only a truck after all…

But you've always admired cars, especially the big shiny ones.

“I would have showed you this days ago had I known you’d be so pleased,” Sevika muses. That's when you draw your attention back to her. "I didn't know you liked cars so much."

She's gazing at you with the smallest form of a smirk on her face. You want to wipe it off; you feel vulnerable somehow. Exposed.

Your blink wordlessly, breath shallowing and palms clamming up.

How is she so infuriatingly good looking?

Then, as if you've suddenly become aware of everything else about her, you're taking the rest of her body into account. Her bulging biceps are flexed due to the moving box in her arms. Small beads of sweat collect at the base of her neck…some sliding into the dips of her collarbones. Her hair is pulled into a low bun, highlighting the clenching of her jaw as she chews her gum; minty breath wafting towards you. Your stomach dips.

“Shut up,” You mutter.

Her grin widens. She laughs. You struggle to suppress one yourself.

She doesn't say anything else.

You stand awkwardly by her truck as she turns to walk into the apartment.

A part of you doesn't know what to make of this. Here you are, moving a woman that you've just met into your apartment, with no idea of how this will turn out.

You feel like you're floundering through life. Surely, everyone else your age is settled down with a family and a secure living environment—not stressing over the prospect of a new roommate. This situation feels too…juvenile. It would make sense for a younger version of yourself to be facing roommate insecurity. It would make sense for your younger self to grow uncharacteristically flustered and perturbed around someone like Sevika.

But not now. No—certainly not now.

The sound of Sevika’s footsteps pull you from your reverie. When you glance in her direction, the first thing you notice is the quirk of her eyebrows. You shift your weight, wringing your hands as you work up the courage to say, “I can help,” You clear your throat. “If you want.”

She’s in the middle of grabbing another box from her car but stops mid-reach from the sound of your offer. She cranes her neck, lines appearing in her forehead as she mutters, “I’m good.”

You take offense to that. Does she think you're weak? That you're not strong enough to carry a few stupid boxes? Or worse—has she already found a reason to dislike you?

Goosebumps trail up your back.

“I’m strong enough, you know.” You find yourself tilting your chin up defiantly.

“Is that so?”

“I may not be ripped like you,” You fold your arms across your chest and you hear a snort. A fucking snort! “But I don't do pilates for nothing."

That's when she stands upright, two stacked boxes now in her arms. She manages to rest them on her left hip, closing the back door in one swift motion.

"Yeah?" Then she’s tilting her head slightly, appraising you with an expression that nearly sets you on fire. "You think I'm strong?"

The world around you spins and you're nearly knocked off balance.

There's a part of your spirit that uncurls. Heat plants a seed in your gut then burns, burns, burns.

Perspiration has gathered at the base of your neck, and one bead of sweat drips down the slope of your spine. Then another. You're scowling at her, a reaction that she seems to enjoy, when you feel the drip of one more.

She takes your silence without question. Her irises trail down to your crossed arms then back up to your face before continuing. “You don't have to lift a single one of those pretty fingers for me.” Then you feel her warmth—her touch—at the tip of your chin. It's a small brush with her index finger, yet strong enough to tilt your head before she's pulling away. Then she's grabbing the boxes with both of her hands, snickering under her breath while adding, “But since you seem like the adamant type—be my guest, darling.”

Your legs tremble when she brushes past you.

For the rest of the evening, you allow her to settle into the apartment without your help.

“Sevika?” Your voice is scratchy from lack of use. “Can you help me?”

You're frustrated because you can't find your favorite mug. The entire kitchen is spotless—a sort of clean you haven't seen in ages. You're grateful for Sevika—truly, you are. But due to how organized it all is, you now have difficulty locating everything. The way she cleans and sorts through the apartment is completely different from your way.

Irritated, you call her name again. But no answer.

You know that she’s in her room because her door is closed. It’s only been a few days since she’s moved in but you’ve started to notice that she likes to leave it open when she's not in there.

You sigh, storming to her room. You have a taste for tea, something you've been craving all morning. And now that you've finally finished your work, you’d been so excited to drink it.

But now you're completely turned about by the state of the kitchen. Nothing is where you usually keep it.

“Sevika!” You practically bark, voice growing thin. “Are you awake?”

You're about to knock on her door—a disturbance that would surely wake her if she's in a deep slumber—but then it flies open. And there she stands, wearing a pair of boxers and a tank top. She appears to have just showered, hair seemingly damp and towel in her hand. That familiar woodsy scent of hers hits you like a tide wave, but this time it’s tenfold stronger than what it usually is.

“Is there a reason why you're shouting my name at 10 AM?”

You swallow thickly. Your mouth has suddenly become dry. “I can't find the mugs.”

Sevika blinks slowly then mutters, “What?”

“The mugs. They're a type of cup, cylindrical in size? Often used to drink things like coffee, tea, hot ch-”

“They're in the cupboard by the refrigerator.”

“...”

Your eyebrows furrow. “Why are they in there? I’ve never put them there before.”

“You could barely reach the cupboard they were originally in—”

“That's why I have a stepping stool!”

“So I figured it would be easier if they were moved to one that's more accessible for you. I told you about this Tuesday. Do you not remember?”

“...You never told me that.”

“Yes,” Her jaw grinds. “I did. You were talking to Mel on facetime and nearly ate shit when grabbing that awfully gaudy mug you like,” Oh. “So I told you that I would move it to the cupboard by the refrigerator,” Oh. “And you looked me right in the eye, smiled and said you thought that was a great idea.” Fuck. “...Do you not remember that?”

That’s right.

You did say that.

Your heartbeat skips from the piercing silence.

God, she's going to think you're crazy now.

Sevika sighs.

Shoving down a mountain of guilt, you shift your weight, “I’m sorry. I don't think I actually processed that conversation when it happened.”

She isn't quick to reply, and you're not sure where to go from there. So you add, “Um, would you like some tea?”

As a peace offering, you make Sevika a cup of tea the next morning too.

The third day is when you have to go back to work, so you force yourself awake earlier than you want. There's still a small chip of guilt weighing on your shoulders that morning, so you fix Sevika a cup of tea again.

You also do it for that following morning because it's Saturday. Who wouldn't want tea on Saturday?

Sunday is a lazy day for Sevika. But somehow she's already in the kitchen when you stumble in at a harrowing 8am. She's waiting for the toaster oven to sound when you pull two mugs out of the cupboard. Even after the appliance dings, she lingers with you in the kitchen, silently eating her toast while you prepare the kettle. Ten minutes later, she’s drinking her tea while her elbows lean against the island counter.

You hold onto your mug tightly and listen to the chirping of the birds in the distance. The only other sound that is audible are her even breaths.

You don't know how you've settled into such a routine after 8 days of living with her. But somehow, standing in the middle of the kitchen together with nothing but comfortable silence, you think that you’ve found the oasis of serenity.

#au writing #piscespetals writing #fanfic #sevika #sevika x reader #arcane au #arcane netflix #fluff #arcane women #divorced!sevika #sevika x y/n #sevika pls marry me #sevika x you #roommate!sevika

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foreverisntenough · 4 months

Text

‘OURS’

Summary: You were his and he was yours but what would it be like adding one more? Thrust into a whirlwind romance you never could’ve imagined that became your forever love. You continue building a new life across the pond with a very beautiful Scouser. A sequel to the ‘You’re Mine’ fic.

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Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestion, smut (unprotected sex,) pregnancy, parenting, self doubt, body image, mention of the word ‘daddy,’ kind of angsty, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! Try not to nitpick with any real pregnant logistics it’s better if you just read along happily :)

- this chapter contains mentions of body image issues -

Chapter 11 - More of You | ‘Ours’

You tucked Teddy into her car seat. She was a little fussy but it was fine. This is what you and Trent had discussed. Spending more time together was important so you planned to drive with Trent to training this morning, Teddy in tow. She wasn’t the best in the car you thought it was mostly due to the fact that Trent was focused more on the road than her. As weeks went on your insecurity about her preference to Trent and indifference about you only continued to grow. You dropped him off at AXA and he said goodbye to you with a kiss as you got out of the car to switch seats to drive home. A tearful Teddy pulling on his heart strings as he walked into the building. You got home and you needed to give her a bath. This season had flown by. Having a child just made the days blur together and tomorrow was suddenly the last home match. To your surprise, Teddy actually really enjoyed baths, you wanted her to like them. It was much easier to do things when she enjoyed them. It was obviously important to keep her clean. You gently lowered her chubby tanned skin into the infant tub. Most of her body and face well above the water for safety. You poured warm water over her frequently to keep her from getting cold. You felt like you were constantly walking on eggshells around Teddy though. Anything to keep her happy, anything to get her to like you. You washed her with gentle soap and massaged her hair clean. She seemed happy. You plucked her out of the tub and wrapped her up in a fluffy warm towel. She looked adorable. You took a few photos of her now clean and bundled and sent them to Trent. Frankly, you were just relieved you were getting through another day but it was an added benefit when she looked so cute.

‘She’s perfection. Thank you for taking such good care of her. We’re so lucky to have you, mummy 😘’

“Hi…” you giggled as you woke up Sunday morning to Trents lips on your neck.

“Morning, baby. I have to get going but I’ll see you at the stadium.” he whispered in the quiet stillness of the morning. Trent had to head off to meet the team at the hotel down in the city centre before the match. You rolled over to face him and pressed your lips to his.

“Proud of you.” you whispered back and he smiled. Liverpool had a good season. It didn't go exactly to plan but they were finishing in the top 3 and Trent had done a great job his first year as vice captain. You were really proud of him. “Love you, T.” you cooed as he got out of bed and began to get dressed. He winked back at you while he pulled a white long sleeve LFC t-shirt over his head. After he left, you got Teddy up and sat and had breakfast with her. It was another day of mashed fruit, today, bananas. She made a mess. It was becoming a bit messier everytime she ate now as she was getting more accustomed to dictating her own movements and control of her motor skills. It was annoyingly cute to clean it all up every time but you were proud of her for doing her best just the same as you were proud of Trent for doing his.

For the final time this season you pulled the tiny #66 jersey over her curly hair and put her in the matching shorts. Every single time you saw the ‘daddy’ jersey it made your heart skip a beat. Even though you were struggling with your own things you really did love Trent and Teddy’s bond. For your own look, you went for something fairly simple a Loewe tank, a pair of printed Cargo pants, and white trainers. You put your hair back into a sleek bun because lately Teddy was loving pulling on your hair and it was driving you nuts. You brought one of the first Chanel bags Trent had gotten for you. You remember opening the box like it was yesterday. You were sat on your apartment floor in New York with Lauren.

You opened the box and undid the tissue paper painfully slow for her, picking up a dust bag before removing a silver metallic Chanel 22 handbag. Your friend audibly gasped as your hand grazed over the shiny calfskin. Neither of you were strangers to designer items, shopping being a favorite hobby of yours but again… to receive this from a man was different. A card was sat in the box and she grabbed it quickly before you could even try.

It was also the first time he invited you to come see him play at Anfield. Now, you were on your way in a car to see him play three and a half years later with your daughter. Trent’s whole family was there, some of his friends as well. It was nice to share these types of moments with them but also nice to have extra helping hands with Teddy at matches. Marcel loved being with Teddy. You had a built-in babysitter when he was around. He held her in the stands on the final sunny day at the stadium. Thankfully but expectedly Liverpool had won the match. After a few farewells to players that were departing the club you and the whole family made your way down to the pitch. You waited on the touchline next to Dianne holding Teddy. Trent ran over and wrapped his strong arms around you picking you up.

“Another one in the books” you cooed before you gave him a kiss. Trent hugged Dianne and then took Teddy to hold. You walked the perimeter of the pitch as Trent clapped thanking the fans for their support this season.

“Thank you for being so amazing this year.” he whispered in your ear, pulling you closer to him by your hips as you walked. “Couldn't do this without you.” he pressed a kiss into your hair.

“You’d be just fine” you giggled hearing the stadium sing ‘The scouser in our team’ as you processed by them. You took a billion photos. Memories you’d cherish for a lifetime. You held Teddy as Trent stood behind you posing for a photo.

“Did I tell you how good you look today? Almost had me distracted during the match.” Trent whispered cheekily as the photographer snapped away. You turned your head to get a better look at him.

“Don’t lie to me” you teased back. Teddy obviously wasn't going to let you flirt with her dad for long without an interruption. Her tiny hand grabbing Trent’s jersey to pull his attention off of you and to her. “Yes, Teddy girl, Daddy is still all yours, don’t worry.”

“C’mere baby bear” Trent grunted, lifting her up high as she squealed. “I'm still yours, baby.” he pecked your lips with his before he spun around with Teddy eliciting a fit of giggles from her. Trent, Tyler, Marcel, George, and a few other boys hung around on the pitch kicking a ball around. You loved football as much as the next person but truthfully you're not sure there was anyone who loved it more than Trent. He had just played 90 plus minutes and a whole season and that still wasn’t enough. You sat on the grass with Teddy in between your legs watching them for ages. You stayed for a long while out on the pitch with all the families and friends. It was always such a nice way to close out the seasons. It was definitely better if there was the trophy involved but this was still really nice. The club had organized a party after the match at a hotel down in the city centre the team used to meet before home matches. It wasn’t a formal event so you stayed in your clothes, Trent just changing into more comfortable Liverpool gear. You walked into a red decorated room. It was fun and you were happy to be out. You planned on having another good night celebrating with the team.

“This is my fiancé” Trent cooed introducing you to a man that had interviewed him a couple months back. Every time he said the word it felt like he was asking you all over again. When the conversation lulled you looked up at him.

“So we’re telling people, huh?” You giggled intrigued after he boasted all about your proposal to the man.

“Well we’re not hiding it are we?” He laughed pulling you in for a kiss.

A few days later, for one final time you were celebrating the success of this season with the club. The team was hosting a big dinner party for just the players and their immediate families. There were still a lot of people but it was much smaller than the party after the final match. There would be no media or outsiders. Only you and Trent were going. You had decided not to bring Teddy so Dianne had come over to watch her. You wanted to have a fun night out together. It was a fairly formal dinner. You wore a tiny little black Jacquemus dress and a Bottega gold heel. Simple but effective. Trent popped on white knit polo shirt and tan trousers. You were stood at the mirror of your foyer getting one last look before you headed out when he came over. He cheekily squeezed your ass and rested his chin on your shoulder.

“You look way too good. Are you sure you want to go?” he cooed, inspecting the way your tits pressed together held by a flimsy gold metal charm. He ran his warm hands up your exposed back.

“Mmmmm are you sure you want to go?” You spun around and ran your hands over his chest fixing the collar of his shirt. His scent was heavenly. You felt like it sent you into a haze. You weren't sure you wanted to even go when he looked like this. “We could be a little late.” you whispered looking up at him. Trents eyes lit up excitedly until you heard Dianne calling for him. She wanted to double check where something was for the dogs.

“I can't believe I’m saying this but we should probably go.” Trent spoke walking back to meet you at the front door after going to assist his mum. He ran his hands over his face disgruntled that he was essentially turning down your offer to mess about.

“It’s okay, I’m really hungry anyways.” you giggled lacing your fingers with his. “Let’s go pretty boy.” you cooed before you went to say bye to Teddy heading out for the night. You had lied. You sat at a large table next to trent on your one side who kept his hand high on your thigh. You picked sparsely at your food the whole night. To your right, Andy’s wife sat. You’d definitely gotten closer since you moved to Liverpool. She had kids and was a nice confidant when it came to navigating the family and football crossover. You yapped about the engagement as she peppered you with questions about the wedding plans. You definitely had started thinking about things but really had made no movements. As it got later into the evening you started to get a little anxious. Your maternal worries about not saying goodnight to your baby setting in.

“You alright?” Trent asked subtly not wanting to draw attention to you. You looked at him and really could only see her face in his. Even though you felt a tensness about her affection towards you, you still missed Teddy and wanted to be with her.

“I know she’s fine with your mum, I just miss her. I don’t want her getting used to going to sleep without one of us there.” you tried to explain quietly to Trent.

“I understand, but it's just one night, baby. Relax a little.” he tried to comfort you but it kind of felt like the wrong thing to say. His hand squeezed your bare thigh.

“T…” you whined looking at him not really happy with his response. “I need to get home to her. You stay honest. I’m sorry. Do you mind?” you gave him a sad smile. You felt guilty wanting to leave the celebration but you weren't going to be much fun with all this anxiety weighing you down.

“I’ll go with you, yeah? I just want to spend my time with you anyways.” Trent cooed, adjusting his position in his seat as if he was going to stand up right away. You placed your hand on top of his resting on the table. You shook your head ‘no.’

“No, baby. I will see you when you come home. Have fun for me. I want you to have a good night.” you tried to reassure him. He felt uneasy about the whole thing but you were adamant about leaving alone. Andy’s wife gave you a hug goodbye. She understood what you were feeling and after you left she made an effort to tell Trent it was all fine. You went home to Teddy. Dianne was surprised you were coming in alone but she didn’t say anything. Trent had done well and deserved to let loose with his teammates. You sat in Teddy’s nursery listening to the white noise and her tiny snores as she slept peacefully. You were cross legged on the couch and began to rethink your decision. Your heart was much more at ease with eyes on your baby girl but your brain was running rampant at the thought of Trent on a night out. You trusted him wholeheartedly. He had been texting you since the moment you left but you just felt off. You initiated this. You left him. You told him to stay so as you laid in your shared bed, it occurred to you that the feeling of annoyance you were experiencing was completely self inflicted. It bothered you that he was out, having a good time while you were worried about your little girl who no doubt would be more excited to see him in the morning than you. You were jealous.

Trent came home, late, loud and drunk. You shoved your annoyance down and gave in to his incessant need to be closer to you in bed. It wasn’t his fault. You woke up the next morning and went about things as usual. A normal day although not so normal because football was now on pause until preseason began in a few months time and a few England international friendlies that were also on the schedule. You went into your town to get lunch with Trent and Teddy wanting to get out of the house and take advantage of the nice weather. You sat outside at a restaurant and picked at some chips while Trent bounced Teddy on his knee when an older woman had approached your table.

“Just wanted to tell you how gorgeous your family is. She is absolutely stunning. Looks just like her dad.” she smiled complimenting you all. Trent entertained the women as he gushed about how great Teddy was already. You smiled and nodded a long. A tinge of your heart hurting that everyone noting just how much she looked like him and never you. Before you returned home you ran a few errands. You were in the queue at a shop to check out when Teddy began to cry in her pram.

“Hey, hey, teddy girl, what’s wrong?” it was so sudden you didn't understand. She had been so good all day. You picked your head up to look for Trent because you were next in line. Between your crying child and the waiting cashier you were getting overwhelmed. It occurred to you that Trent had stepped out the door to answer a phone call and that was what triggered Teddy’s fit. Daddy had left. You shut your eyes frustrated and sad. You apologized to the cashier. The girl at the register gave you a soft sympathetic smile watching you struggle to pull your credit card out from your wallet as you simultaneously tried to sooth Teddy in your arms.Trent walked back in and rushed over.

“What happened?” he asked inquisitively and confused. He plucked her out of your arms and she began to calm. Her cries quieting, her movements stilling.

“Nothing. It's nothing.” you snapped a little at him. He was so lost. Why were you all of a sudden mad at him? You walked to your car carrying the bags aggressively.

“Let me take them, baby.” He offered seeing you struggle with the weight.

“No” you blurted out again quite harshly.

“Hey… what the hell is going on? What did I do? I thought we were having a good day? Is this about last night? I thought you wanted me to stay, I was doing what you told me to.” he began to ramble as you stood in the car park.

“No! It's not about last night. It's about literally every single night and day.” you began to cry. Trent instinctively pulled you into him. He just wanted to calm you immediately but you had worked yourself up too much. His arms wrapped around you tightly and securely. You heaved against him. “She loves you so much more than me. I don't understand. I carried her for fucking 9 months and all we ever hear is how much she looks like you. I feel horrible.” you pulled away suddenly though realizing what you had just said. “Oh god, I’m fucking terrible. I didn't mean it like that. She’s beautiful, you’re beautiful and I know you do so much for her and us and you deserve all the love she gives you. Ugh!” you sighed frustrated. “I’m sorry. I’m just jealous and it’s making me really sad.” you pouted as the tears continued to run down your face. Trent's face was almost blank; he was so taken aback by the sudden outburst but he wasn't exactly surprised with the way you were feeling. He saw your body language shift every time someone told you Teddy looked just like him, everytime she wanted to be with him, all the times your daughter clung to him every second that he was around her. She refused to let her daddy go, breaking your heart all done with an adorable grin and a soft giggle.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I wish you didn’t feel this way but I respect the fact that you do. It’s been really hard, this adjustment. I can’t do as much for her as you do and I know that. I wouldn't be able to handle this without you, I can’t even feed her the way you can and it kills me when you feel like she’s rejecting you. I know you might not see it or feel it but I know she appreciates you so much. She relies on you. She loves you, baby. I love you. She needs you, I need you.” he cooed, brushing his thumb over your cheek.

“It's not fair, I just want her to smile at me the way she smiles at you. I want her to want me. I do so much for her. She takes up my entire life and then.” your breath started to hitch and rapidly increase. “And then she takes you away from me.” you started crying more.

“Aw, Y/N. C’mon.” he pulled you in for a kiss. “C’mere. No one could ever take me from you. You always have that number one spot. It’s just different, baby. You don’t think I’m jealous you give her all your attention?” he laughed at his own admission.

“I don’t know…you shouldn't be. You’re always mine. She’s just… ours. We have to pay attention to her. You can usually feed yourself, you know? She can’t” you giggled.

“She’s ours but you’re just as important in my life, alright? You make everyday possible. Teddy and I couldn't survive without you and certainly wouldn't be able to laugh if we didn't have you.” he told you earnestly.

“I like those laughs. They’re my favorite sound to hear. I just get envious of how much more she laughs with you.” you hesitantly continued explaining your insecurities to him.

“Well, I’m very funny.” he joked before he picked up Teddy from her pram. “I’m kidding. C’mere, baby bear. We love mummy so much, right?” he asked her and she giggled like she always did with him. “That’s a certified, yes.”

“Okay, can we go home? I’m really embarrassed I just cried in a Waitrose car park.” you hid your face in the nape of Trent’s neck. He laughed a little at you and squeezed your waist before you alll got back into the car to head back to your house. When you arrived you put Teddy down for a nap.

“Do you want to sit out in the back garden? I feel like maybe we should have a longer chat.” you sheepishly asked Trent to come and sit with you. You had to get some things off your chest. You felt so sad you needed to confide in him but you were nervous to confess how you’d been feeling.

“Yeah, course. Go on, I’m following you.” You always envied the way he didn't give off a nervous energy. He was just calm all the time and here you were were practically shaking. “Want to sit with me or do you need the space?” You sat down on a lounge chair across from the couch he was sitting on silently answering his question. “Alright… baby, I love you.” He took a deep breath pausing. He was taking the reins here. As much as you’d been struggling, things had been weighing on Trent as well. “I want to talk here but you’re gonna have to be honest with me. You’re crying in bed at night. I know you're not eating enough, you’re making me nervous and I don’t know how to help you.” Trent’s calm demeanor you so admired dropped as he spoke. He looked at you desperately showing just how concerned he had grown.

“T… I….” you stumbled around the words not sure what to even say. You knew he wasn't oblivious but you had no idea he was even paying attention to certain things especially your eating habits. “I’m sorry” you said, choking back tears.

“I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to be happy. I thought I was making you happy.” he looked across at you confused and heartbroken. He wanted you to come sit with him but he didn't want to push his luck with your boundaries right now.

“I am just having a really hard time. You give me everything. I promise you make me so happy. I'm so in love with you I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Everything just feels so difficult though. I feel like a stranger in my own body. I feel sick when I look at myself in the shower. I feel like I’m disappointing you.” Your tears began to fall. You watched your hands shake as they rested on your knees.

“Stop… nothing is wrong with you and you could never disappoint me. I wish you realized that you are an absolute dream to me. I wake up everyday in bed with you and I genuinely am amazed I managed to pull you. You’re the most beautiful, loving person. You take such good care of me and Teddy. Baby, I am so in love with you. Please, do not forget that.” he pleaded but you just couldn't hear it. You couldn't wrap your head around it.

“I just don’t feel that way…” you croaked out scared to even admit it. You felt guilty the moment the words left your lips.

“You don’t think I love you?” Trent was immediately put off and offended. He felt his heart drop. “Y/N, I’m being patient here but are you fucking kidding me?” He transitioned into an angrier voice. He was really trying to be supportive but how many times was he supposed to try to convince you he loves you.

“No, it’s not that. I just don’t know why you do. I don’t get it. I'm scared and overwhelmed.” you quivered fearful of his change of tone.

“Scared of what? I just don't know why you can’t accept that I do. I don't get it.” he snapped harshly using your exact phrasing to throw your comments back at you. “Baby, what do you want me to do here?” he sighed, feeling frustrated. “I need you to be healthy. I need to make you happy. How do I do that? I asked to marry you and you said yes but it’s like you don’t believe it” He stared at the ring on your finger catching some of the sun's rays.

“I don't know…” you whimpered, standing up on shaky legs and walking over to him. Even though you were mid fight all you wanted was to be comforted by him. “I’m sorry.” You cried. Laying on him. You sat next to him and pressed your forehead against his arm.

“Come here.” he wrapped you in his loving embrace. “Got to get you to see what I see. I need you to know how amazing you are for yourself, for me, for Teddy. Hmm?” He pulled your forehead off him and pressed his lips to your skin. “You wanna know why I love you? Why I want to marry you, why I wanted a baby with you? I wanted more of you in this world. That's how perfect I think you are. I wanted one more bit of you out there. I have the most beautiful daughter in the whole world and everyone can say she looks like me all they want but that's not the first thing I think of when I look at her. All I see is you. Her nose is just like yours, her laugh is starting to sound just like your childish giggle. The way she feels in my arms reminds me every bit of you. I love her because of how much I love you. And as much as I want more Y/N in the world, I’m selfish and greedy and there’s only one of you to go around so I’m not letting you go. I’m fucking marrying you. You’re mine, baby. All mine, made just for me and I’m made just for you.” You began to cry pressing your lips against his. The summer heat and his words warming your cheeks.

“I love you so much, T. Thank you for loving me.” you waffled

“I’m always going to but I just need you to love you, please. You're hurting my heart here. We’re eating good from now on. Me and you gym dates. Getting this ass in moving.” he squeezed your hip. “None of this water for breakfast. I’m not having my baby girl growing up around it. You’re beautiful and you're perfect and she needs to know that and so do you. I’m not doing enough if you don’t know how gorgeous you are. I think about this body, this face all day. I dream about you even when you're in my arms. You need to know that.” His eyes watered a little with his sincerity looking longingly into your eyes.

“Baby…” you whimpered out cowardly. You felt terrible that he felt he was doing something wrong when in reality this was a problem that had been planted long before you even met him. It was complicated. “The way I feel about myself is a culmination of a lot of time feeling really scant. Social pressures from everyone around me, the people that were supposed to love me, didn’t. I promise you, T, you have healed and helped me in so many different ways. This just isn’t something I can just turn off all of a sudden.” You leaned further into him feeling saddened by your own reality.

“I won’t ever understand but I can try. Just let me in at least. I’ll be here with you. It’s my job to take care of you. Would you want to spend some time in the gym with me? Gainz season, innit?” He squeezed your wimpy bicep teasingly.

“Okay, okay, okay. I’ll go as long as you’re there.” you couldn't help but crack a smile at his persistence as well as some memories you’d had made a few cheeky times down in the gym of your house.

“I’m gonna be there.” he replied, running his hand up your thigh. You knew he was asking you from a perspective of wanting you to feel confident and strong not in an effort to change anything.

“Shirt off, please.” you requested with a giggle, grazing your hand underneath his t-shirt. You dragged your nails over his abs.

“Oh yeah? It's like that now?” You nodded cheekily. He scooped you up as if you weighed nothing. Carrying you into the house.

“Where are we going? It’s nice out.” You complained but not minding being in his hold. It would've been nice to enjoy the weather though but maybe inside wouldn't be so bad.

“You think you can put your hands on me like that and I’m just gonna move on. We’re going inside. You’re going to lay down on the couch f’me” he whispered to you as his lips ghosted over your ear and he began nibbling on your earlobe.

“Really? What am I doing on the couch?” you giggled excited now, definitely not upset you were not staying outside.

“Shirt off, please” he teased, mocking what you said to him before he kissed you. The feeling of his lips on yours sending shockwaves through your whole body.

“Mmmm more.” you pursed your lips for another kiss craving more of him as he walked you inside.

“You wanna know how much I love you?” He cooed, laying you down on the cream colored couch in the big living room. You leaned back into the cushion before you moved forward eagerly towards him.

“I can feel how much you love me…” you practically moaned, grazing your hand over the bulge in his shorts now. He began to peel your clothing off piece by piece. There wasn't much on you to begin with so it didn’t take long. He pushed your legs upwards, bending you in half bringing your knees all the way up to your tits. His mouth watered looking down at your glistening pussy begging for him. Trent dragged his tongue through your drenched folds. He dipped in and out of you. His cock twitched at the way your jaw slacked in pleasure. He began to circle your clit before he pulled away with a cheeky grin. He looked so unfairly gorgeous beneath you. You felt dizzy watching him. Your slick glossing all over his perfect pink pretty pout.

“Tell me what letters you feel, baby.” he commanded you before he dove back into your pussy. A dangerous smile curling on his lips. He dragged his tongue in the form of the letters of his initials on his fiance’s pussy. You moaned out the letters he drew and well, hearing you moan out the initials of what was going to be your own last name soon was simply a bonus.

“T… ah fuck. A… A” you cried out. You weren't exactly as innocent as you presented but you liked when he treated you like you were. You knew exactly what you did to Trent as you pulled on his hair now or when you dragged your nails up his abs moments ago outside.

“Say my name baby.” he cooed and you practically melted. You fell apart. Trent loved you. He loved you so much it almost hurt. Everything about you just shattered him into a million pieces. Watching you cum right now only amplifying that feeling. The way your lips curled into the perfect little smile. He loved the way you whined when he touched your body, the way you reacted to him.

In swift movements, he was aligning his cock with your sopping entrance. His abs rubbed against you, he crushed you blissfully with his weight. He looked down at you fucked out of his mind madly in love with you. He collected enough spit in his mouth before he made you open yours. He spit his saliva into your mouth. You swallowed diligently with a moan.

“Such a good girl f’me.” he gripped your chin looking longingly into your eyes. He loved everything about this. Being in control of you. You letting him control you. You wanting him to control you. He tucked his face in the nape of your neck. He nibbled on your sensitive skin. His hair tickling you. Hoarse grunts escaping him as you soaked him. He hit that spot deep inside you, only he knew. All you could think about was the way he hit that spot again and again, continuously. He felt so good when he dropped his hand between you to rubbing your throbbing clit. He knew how to make you cum and he was going to do it well. “Tell me what I want to hear, baby” he whispered in your ear. Tears ran down your cheeks from pleasure and emotion.

“I know you love me. I know you love me. Fuck! T, you’re gonna make me cum.” you were a total mess beneath him looking gorgeous to him cumming all over his cock. Trent couldn't help himself from stuttering. The sex became sloppy and lovesick. He thrusted into you sporadically. You felt him begin to twitch inside you. “Cum inside me, baby. I want you to fill me up, please. T, Tell me you think I’m sexy.” you begged as you listened to Trent’s breathing became more labored. The knot in your stomach tightened when he spoke again.

“Fucking hell, you’re so sexy. You’re the sexiest woman in the world. Perfect for me. This pussy’s perfect for me. It’s all mine.” You couldn't keep it together any longer when he kissed you passionately. He groaned before he pumped his cum inside of you. “Jesus christ, baby. So good.” he breathed out as his pelvis grinded against your throbbing clit.

“I think I believe you now.” You began to giggle as he buried his face in your tits.

“Yeah, that’s all it took? Which orgasm was it? I particularly enjoyed hearing you as I spelled my initials on your clit.” He breathed heavily on top of you with a cheeky grin.

“T! You laughed embarrassed by his crass bluntness.

“Don’t get all shy on me now.” he cooed, peeling his slightly sticky body off yours. He pressed his lips sweetly to yours. You hummed at the sensation. He ran to the kitchen to get a cloth to clean you up. After he did, you went upstairs and woke Teddy up from her nap. You came downstairs holding her as he sat on the couch since turning the telly on while watching something. You talked to Teddy like you would a girl friend your age.

“I know, and then daddy told me I was beautiful so I kissed him.” You spoke loud enough to her for him to hear you babble on.

“Are you talking about me behind me back?” he sat up on the couch looking at you two lovingly.

“Just telling her how much daddy loves mummy.” you giggled squishing Teddy to you and kissing her cheek. You walked towards him carrying your little girl.

“Glad we’re on the same page then now.” he pulled at your arm dragging you down clumsily falling into him. You laughed carefully checking that Teddy was okay. “I love you.” He kissed your forehead. “I love you.” He kissed Teddy’s forehead. And you knew he did. He meant it.

You fell into the ease of the summer. Things were calm between Trent’s workouts preparing for the upcoming season and Teddy growing up painfully quick. She was almost 9 months old which was insane. Where did all the time go? She could understand instructions and was beginning to imitate your words using gestures. You spent the summer months lazing around trying to get comfortable with your body and motherhood.

Trent had an upcoming England international match. It was an odd one away in Moldova and you mutually agreed it wasn't worth you and Teddy traveling for. It was too much of a fuss. You sat with her before bedtime the day he traveled. When Trent was away the favorite part of his days were when you called with Teddy. A Facetime he just starred into missing you both, screenshotting everytime Teddy did something cute. Which felt like every minute. He had a folder in his camera roll dedicated to just Teddy’s cute little face. Teddy sat on your hip leaving toothless bites on your bare shoulder.

“Can you say night night to dada.” you muttered quietly as she sleepily let out a yawn.

“Miss my girls so much. Gonna watch tomorrow f’me Ted?” You confirmed she would and reminded him of your plans for the next day. You were headed down to London tomorrow to watch the match because Lauren was visiting the city for a brief moment and you wanted to catch her. You had planned to go to a viewing of the game at a pub you agreed upon prior. You were running late as you hurried through the tube station with Teddy getting off near Covent Garden. Lauren arrived before you and was sat at the bar saving a stool for you. You opted to bring Teddy in a baby carrier because it was easier for you to navigate instead of pushing your pram by yourself. You maneuvered your way through the crowded pub. You squeezed Lauren from behind, greeting her.

“Helloooooo my Laur” you cooed taking a seat next to her, a couple on the other side of you sat with matching England kits on.

“Oh my goodness! Hiii!!! Look at this big beautiful girl.” Lauren said, pinching Teddy’s cheek before helping you get her out of the carrier. England’s pre game warm ups flashed across the screen. “Is that daddy?” Lauren asked Teddy as she got settled on your lap.

“Oh isn’t daddy so handsome “ you giggled gawking a little bit at Trent’s physic as he wiped some sweat off his face pulling his jersey up towards his brow revealing his toned abs.

“God, he’s so hot…” Lauren sighed when the camera panned to Jude after Trent passed him the ball. You laughed at her. She leaned her head onto your shoulder. The women sitting next to you laughed as well hearing Lauren’s comment.

“Mood.” she concurred. You all had a little laugh but the mans she was with was a little less than impressed. Trent and Jude seemed to have a polarizing effect on other men. They wanted them on their footie teams, loved them for winning matches but almost loathed them for the way girls flocked and talked about them so blatantly.

“So I’m assuming you’re going to see him after this?” you cooed quieter to just Lauren looking at her. Interested in her plans.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to overstep but are you Y/N?” the girl next to you asked butting in before Lauren got a chance to answer your question.

“Oh, gosh yeah, I am. That’s me.” you were taken aback anytime anyone recognized you. It was still so foreign. You didn’t really merit any recognition of fame but you understood the intrigue people had wanting to know more about Trent’s life.

“I follow you on Instagram! I love you and Trent. You’re the perfect couple.” she cooed. The man with her leaned forward now interested hearing you were in a relationship with Trent. “Is this your daughter?” She asked. You got a little nervous. You had kept Teddy fairly out of the public eye to date.

“Mmmmhmm. This is my Teddy girl.” You cooed, holding her on your lap with one arm smushing a kiss to her cheek. You subtly spun the ring on your finger to turn the diamonds underneath to hide it out of the strangers next to you’s view. You felt really exposed all of a sudden. You wanted to keep the engagement private for the time being. Trent told you weren’t hiding it but you felt scared. You barely even got to celebrate it yet. Things had been so hectic and tense lately. Now didn’t really feel like the best time to put your personal life out there one random day sitting in a pub.

“Is that daddy, baby?” you cooed filming yourself and her on your front camera as the second half began. You panned the camera to show Trent on the screen. She squealed and giggled excited to see his familiar face. You sent the video to him. He responded an hour later once the match had finished. As much fun you had catching up with Lauren, you couldn't wait to get back home just for Trent to walk through the door again. You waited impatiently the next day for him with Teddy in your arms.

“Oh my goodness! Look who’s home! Is it dada?!?!” you cooed softly rocking her back and forth walking towards the font entrance when you heard him. Trent dropped his bag at the door, the way that drove you mad but you couldn't care less at this very moment. You were so happy he was home. Teddy excitedly gasped and kicked in your arms eager to get to Trent but unable to do so on her own. Trent pressed his lips to yours and you felt your heart falter a little. It was the kiss from someone who really, truly loved you. Loved every bit of you and every bit of the little girl he scooped up out of your arms. He kissed her chubby cheeks and pouty lips and she squealed.

“Missed you so much, my beautiful girls.” he cooed, pulling you into him, wrapping you and your daughter in his secure, warm embrace. He held Teddy in between you both as her giggles filled the room as you simultaneously kissed each of her cheeks.

•

Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter … 🤍

Next part - Chapter 12 xx

#trent alexander arnold x reader #trent alexander arnold #trent alexander arnold imagines #taa x reader #taa66 #oursfic #footballer x y/n #footballer x reader

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artificial-transmutations · 1 month

Text

Out Now: Dam Breakers

Hello everyone! I'm extremely excited (and, quite frankly, more than a bit nervous) to announce that I finished my fantasy romance novel Dam Breakers!

For the very TLDR-version: It is available here! Be sure to read the disclaimer below, though.

First of all, thank you! Everyone who reads my stories or likes them shows me that there is at least some interest in my mediocre writing. And even though the novel is not exactly like my stories here (more to that later), it gives me hope that you and other people might like it.

Now, for the actual novel!

Dam Breakers is the tale of Jared, a rather normal modern day college student, and Aleron, an apprentice mage living in a secluded tower with his teacher. One fateful day, they meet and are drawn into a maelstrom of magic, change and love - and dark secrets threatening to destroy everything they loved.

With over 120000 words, this is not only my longest story yet, but also my most carefully crafted one. I will attach an image of my Obsidian graph for the story at the end of the post.

Disclaimer:

As I have mentioned, it is a bit different from the stories I usually post here. First and foremost, it's a lot tamer. This novel isn't meant as a porn piece, but as an intriguing fantasy and romance tale. While there is love, desire and sex, of course, it's way more sparse and less explicit than, for example Closer Than Flesh.

It also features transformation themes, and the concept of change is one of the main focus points of the book, but, again, don't expect 500 pages full of transforming bodies because of it :)

And, finally, for a multitude of reasons, it does not contain AI generated images. I wouldn't be able to generate any that do the story justice, anyway.

Now that you know what not to expect, here are some things you MAY expect:

Transformation. Both in the sense of bodily changes but intriguing character development as well.

Gay Love. This is a story about two men from different worlds falling in love with each other, and their stony road to being together.

Magic. It's a fantasy story, and a truly enchanting one at that, with a fresh concept of magic and change.

Story. Last, but certainly not least, it's a good and interesting read, at least according to my opinion. Since I might be a bit biased here, let me tell you that my beta readers agree.

If you still want to read it (and I hope you do!), then you can grab your copy here:

If you are not in the US, you can just replace the .com with, for example, .co.uk to go to your local Amazon marketplace

I have not forgotten, of course, that I promised a special condition for you folks at Tumblr. Since Amazon makes it a bit difficult to actually implement that, I plan to offer a time limited discount or giveaway in a few weeks. I'll announce the exact time here on my blog beforehand.

If you really want to support me, it would mean a lot to me if you could leave a review on Amazon. That influences the algorithm a lot and helps the book get visibility, which is incredibly important . So, please, if you like the book, leave a review.

Teaser / Preview (mild spoilers)

And here is a short look into the book, from chapter 4. It contains some mild spoilers, but nothing too important. I also added an AI image, which is not in the book (see above).

[...]

Even though the weather was unstable, Jared enjoyed the journey through the vibrant spring land. It was a closeness to nature he had never experienced. Even back home with his parents, in rural Texas, the land had seemed different. Back there, the wilderness had been tamed decades if not centuries ago. There was no wonder, no adventure. Here, there were hills and forests, rivers and bogs, and who knew what else. It was as if Jared was seeing the world for the first time. Not to mention the smell. Jared could not remember a time when he had smelled the spring air like this.

In addition to the landscape, Jared's traveling companion also played a big part. Aleron was an intelligent and witty conversationalist, and Jared learned a lot about his new friend. They spoke of everything under the sun, and Jared told stories of his home, of modern inventions and the differences between this world and his. Even though Aleron was fascinated by his tales, he was also clearly skeptical about some of them, especially when it came to the more complex topics. That was only fair, though, as Jared himself had a hard time believing the fantastic stories of this world, even after having experienced some with his own eyes. Dragons, for example. It didn't matter how often Aleron recited what little information he had about those magnificent beasts, something in Jared resisted fully believing in them. He hoped that he would be able to see one of them for real - although Aleron repeatedly stressed how dangerous they were - in order to be able to fully believe in them.

While Aleron's world was certainly magical, it wasn't all like in the Lord of the Rings. There were, for example, no other humanoid races, as Jared learned. No elves, dwarves or orcs, at least to Aleron's knowledge, which, to be fair, mainly included the Kingdom of Myrthien. Although the Whispering Woods were not technically a part of Myrthien, and were generally considered wilderness, it was clear that they were no part of another nation either. The closest neighboring country to the Whispering Woods would either be the Golden Isles beyond the coast south of Eldoria or the Verdant Lands to the west. According to Aleron, the Verdant Lands couldn't really be considered a nation, too. It was more of a loose confederation of tribal communities, living in the characteristic dense forests of that region.

As Helena had promised, Luminara wasn't difficult to find. The capital of Myrthien was well known and if there was a sign post somewhere, it was sure to point to Luminara.

There was no shortage of smaller and bigger settlements, and about every third or fourth night they were able to sleep in beds. During the other nights, they made camp a bit off the road in order not to attract too much attention. It was one of those nights, about two weeks after they had left Eldoria, that Jared woke up in the middle of the night. Aleron, who was sleeping next to him, was moving in his sleep and occasionally made a sound, which had caused Flicker to gain a bit of distance to the sleeping man.

It was clear to Jared that his friend was dreaming, and he briefly considered waking him up from his nightmare. However, judging by the sounds, Jared began to suspect that Aleron was not having a nightmare but quite the opposite, although the dream seemed to be just as intense.

Quietly, he left the tent, careful not to wake the sleeping mage. Outside, he was greeted by the stars and a clear sky with an almost full moon. The campfire was almost dead, just a few embers and ashes were left. It was a quiet, peaceful night, and Jared decided to go to the nearby lake to drink. Aleron had never once shown a single sign of sexuality before, except for demonstrating a certain uneasiness around nudity and related topics. He never had commented on any woman - or man - in a suggestive way, so Jared had been half- convinced that this whole topic didn't have any relevance to the mage at all.

Of course, for his own reasons, Jared had avoided the subject as well, so, perhaps Aleron thought the same about him. Jared didn't mind that. As magical as this world was, he had yet to encounter a single sign of same-sex attraction. Perhaps this wasn't a thing here, biologically, or perhaps it was socially frowned upon, like in his world's medieval ages - or rural Texas, present day. In any case, there was absolutely no reason to bring that topic up, so he didn't. Not bringing up his sexuality was a sport he was very experienced in for 9 years straight now, after all.

As Jared neared the lake, he was feeling weird and tingly all over. It was not entirely unpleasant, but it stirred a vague memory in Jared. He had felt this feeling once before, but he couldn't quite recall when.

When he bent down to scoop some water into his hand, he stopped before his fingers touched the surface of the lake. The moon was bright, and Jared could see his reflection in the mirror-smooth water quite well. The only problem was that it was not him who was looking back at him.

Of course, there was a strong resemblance, but the details weren't right. His face looked somewhat stronger, his jawline a bit squarer. His hair a bit lighter and styled like the day he first stepped out of the mirror. On his chin, there was a short well-groomed beard even though he had shaved just last morning. It wasn't just his face, though. As he looked down on himself, he looked fitter than he should, as if he was visiting a gym regularly. In fact, the definition of muscle on his torso increased further, just as he was watching. Suddenly, the wonder was replaced by fear. He had felt that way before, and now he remembered when. It had been during his first visit to Aleron's world, when his body was 'destabilizing' as Aleron had put it. Given, the feeling had been stronger then, but it was definitely the same. And now, his body was changing again, and he was weeks of travel from the magic mirror.

Half-panicking, he sprinted back to the tent, not caring about being quiet anymore. Perhaps Aleron knew what to do! He ducked into the entrance and called out to the mage.

"Aleron, wake up!"

Almost immediately, the apprentice jolted awake. "Jared? What is wrong?"

"I... don't know, it's me. Look at me!"

After a few words of encouragement, Flicker began burning brighter, allowing them to see in the tent as well. Aleron looked at the half-naked Jared critically for a few moments before asking: "Okay... what am I looking for?"

"Can't you see? I'm..." However, as Jared looked down on himself, everything was fine again. He was looking at his plain old self, just as he should look like. The tingling feeling was gone, too.

"Oh." Jared felt incredibly stupid all of a sudden. "I... must have been imagining things."

[...]

If you liked the teaser, be sure to give the whole thing a read :)

Let me close with another whole-hearted Thank You for your continued interest!

Stay awesome!

And here, as promised, a peek at the creative complexity of the story:

#male transformation #muscle transformation #romance #not a story

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