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king-bumis-armpit · 4 months

Note

hihi, let me just say i love ur writing omg it’s so good

i was wondering if you could write a maiko fic about fire lord Zuko and fire lady Mai, post war, where zuko was put to do business and he comes back early after finding out mais been attacked by another assassination attempt (obv) and he goes borderline insane even if she’s just really chill about i, you don’t have to ofc just thought it was an idea 💗💗

You're my Peace

Summary: “Kiyi! It's good to see you again. Where are Mai and Izumi?” The Fire Lord was eager to see his wife and daughter. He had been forced to travel urgent diplomatic business, and it had been nearly a week since he was home.

Kiyi refused to break their embrace, “Izzy’s with mom and Mai… is okay. There was another attack.” Zuko’s world shifted. His inner fire turned to ice. His mind stopped.

Author’s note: HELLO!! Thank you, @darkacdemiasworld I absolutely loved this idea! Thank you so much for suggesting it <3 And thank you for your kind words! Zuko is such a protective person and if there’s one thing we all know about Mai it’s that she doesn’t need any protection, lol. I changed the premise just a tad. I thought it would be more dramatic if Zuko didn’t know what had happened until his return. But I hope you enjoy! Again, thank you so much for the ask!

My inbox is always open! Sometimes I take a while to respond, but I love all of the ideas!! I’m terrible at writing from scratch so they really help me.

ALSO! Thank you to everyone who's reading right now. It brings me so much joy that I can share what I write with all of you. So thank you <3

This fic is cross-posted on Tumblr and ao3

TW: Stabbing, strangulation, death of a side character, and one raunchy joke.

Expanded warning: Somewhat detailed description of an attack on Mai’s life and the resulting injuries, specifically stabbing and strangulation. It is also mentioned that a minor character dies. If these topics are triggering, please sit this one out. I’ll be posting something fluffy on Thursday or Friday for everyone to enjoy.

WC: 2,798

“Zuko!” His youngest sister barrelled into his arms as soon as he entered the palace. It was hard to believe she was already twenty.

“Kiyi! It's good to see you again. Where are Mai and Izumi?” The Fire Lord was eager to see his wife and daughter. He had been forced to travel to Yu Dao on urgent diplomatic business, and it had been nearly a week since he was home.

Kiyi refused to break their embrace, “Izzy’s with mom and Mai… is okay. There was another attack.” Kiyi finally pulled back and Zuko could see the anxiety in her eyes. His world shifted. His inner fire turned to ice. His mind stopped.

— —

“I need you to take a deep breath, Zuko.” Kiyi clutched the long sleeves of her robes so she wouldn’t fidget. She didn’t want Zuko to think she was upset, even if she was.

“Where is Mai?” His voice sounded calm. Impassive, even. But Kiyi knew better. She could see the slight quiver of his bottom lip. He was blocking out every emotion in order to deal with the situation as quickly and efficiently as possible. It was a coping mechanism he’d picked up from his wife.

“Mai’s okay. She's gonna be fine.”

“Good,” he was grinding his teeth. “Where is she?”

“It was another assassination attempt. The assailant was one of her father’s most loyal followers. All that stuff with the New Ozai Society happened so long ago that he wasn't even on the watchlist anymore. But–”

“Kiyi!” Zuko interrupted, “Where. Is. Mai.”

She put on her stern voice. “Fire Lady Mai told me to debrief you before letting you go to her. She said she would be too tired to answer all of your questions.” Zuko humphed but Kiyi could tell this put his mind at ease a bit. He knew that Mai was conscious and communicative at least.

“This guy held a serious grudge against her for betraying her father. His journal had a bunch of misogynistic stuff about how she should have been prepared to sacrifice everything in her father's name.”

He grabbed her shoulders, “Please, just get to the point!” Zuko was begging now. Kiyi really didn't need to be going into so much detail. She hated keeping her brother in suspense, but she was hoping he would regain some more of his composure before she told him what happened. And Mai really had asked her to explain everything to Zuko before she saw him. She didn’t want to make her sister-in-law relive her own attack in another round of questioning.

“He posed as a member of the kitchen staff, and took a tea tray up to Mai’s office. It seems she had fallen asleep at her desk. He stabbed her in the right shoulder, but Mai woke up before he could remove the knife. He– he tried to–” Kiyi felt tears sting her eyes. She had wanted to be the one to tell Zuko because she knew that if anyone else did he would probably light them on fire, either on accident or intentionally. But she hadn't accounted for her own feelings. She loved Mai too and this awful man– “he tried to strangle her. She has bruises…”

By this point Zuko's face was buried in his hands. He let out a strangled sob, and repeated his refrain, “Where is Mai?”

“She's in the spare room in the West Wing of floor 2.” The location was chosen because it was private and easily defensible, but still close to the Royal Healer’s office. However, Kiyi did not have the opportunity to explain as Zuko was already moving in that direction. Kiyi watched her brother run, formal robes trailing behind him, and she said a silent prayer to Agni that everything would be okay.

— —

He ran with abandon and burst through the door. “Mai!”

“Zuko, you're back.” She sounded as unaffected as ever. Hearing her voice for himself again jolted his world into focus once more. He stopped to catch his breath. Mai was sitting in the center of a large bed that he remembered well. This was the very same room where Mai delivered their child. So much pain, but in the end even more joy.

He couldn’t say the same for today. Mai was wearing a white robe so that the healers could spot it if she began to bleed through her bandages. The wrappings peeked out through the collar of her clothing, and he wondered how far they extended. As Kiyi had said, Mai had haunting bruises on her neck. He could almost see the patterns of fingers. He inhaled sharply and looked away.

Azula and Ty Lee were in the room as well, sitting on either side of his wife. There was another chair halfway between Azula and the door, but Zuko strode past it and perched himself gently on the edge of Mai’s bed. He didn't want to cause her discomfort, but he would also die inside if Azula was sitting at his injured wife’s beside while he was relegated to the corner. He sat on her left to minimize disturbance to the wound.

“Are you really okay, darling?” Zuko searched her face for the slightest bit of pain, but as usual her expression betrayed nothing.

Mai gestured for him to move closer to her. “I'm truly fine. I trust Kiyi filled you in?”

“She gave me the basics. I was… eager to see you.” Zuko forced himself back into composure. He needed to be strong right now. For Mai. He gently tucked her hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead.

“Bleh!” Azula made a face. “I thought you two would grow out of your sappy phase.” In the past years, his sister had a change of heart morally, but her attitude remained intact.

Zuko clenched his fists and felt his anger invigorate his chi. “I can and will have you escorted out of here right now!”

Mai took his right hand in her left and brought his knuckles to her lips for a quick kiss. “It’s okay, Zuko. Azula and Ty Lee have been looking after me.” She moved their joined hands into her lap. Zuko felt awful. His poor, injured wife was comforting him because he couldn’t keep it together around his sister.

Ty Lee stood from her place. “A calm aura is important for convalescence. I’ll have the servants bring us some–” she remembered the manner of Mai’s attack and her face went pale.

Zuko felt queasy, but Mai laughed. “Oh c’mon, we can’t let this ruin tea for us. What will Iroh say? The assassin could have just as easily been bringing dinner and I would still eat.”

Azula nodded, “We can’t project fear. In the next few days, we will have to make a public statement about the incident.” She eyed her brother warily. “Do you think you’ll be up to it?”

“Of course,” he stated with more bravado than he was feeling. “But I didn’t really let Kiyi explain the whole thing. When did this happen?”

Mai looked down at their hands. Azula answered for her, “It happened two nights ago. The day before yesterday.”

Zuko blinked. “You– you didn’t send word to me immediately?” He tried to keep the hurt out of his voice. He didn’t want Mai to feel guilty or anything, but he also felt genuinely confused.

Mai leaned into his side, not meeting his gaze. “We didn’t want the public to know, and you were coming home so soon anyway. I didn’t want to worry you for nothing.”

Zuko pursed his lips. He wasn’t satisfied with that answer, but he also knew that it wasn’t the time to argue.

“Okay.” He managed a small smile and tilted Mai’s chin up so she was finally looking him in the eye. “Do you want me to write to Aang and Katara? They can probably be here in a day or two.”

Mai bit her lip, and Ty Lee piped up. “We already did. According to their return message, they’ll be here in a few hours.”

She told them before she told me. Am I really so useless as a husband? Zuko pushed the thoughts away. “That’s good. Hopefully Katara can speed up the healing process a little bit.”

He let his eyes wander to the bruises on her neck once more. Rage lit a match in his heart, and it took like dry kindling.

Mai, sensing the shift in his mood, reassured him, “Really Zuko, I’m alright.”

“As long as you’re alright, Firelily, then everything is fine.” But everything was not fine. He was going to visit that man in prison and light every single hair on his head on fire until he told him everything he knew about everyone who could be a potential threat. And then he was going to find those people and he would–

“Izumi missed you,” Mai said calmly.

Some of the heat left Zuko’s body. Their baby girl was only six, and Zuko despised being away from her. Ever since her birth, his absences were few and far between. Of course, an assassin would capitalize on the opportunity. “I should check on her before bedtime. Poor thing. I’m sure she’s worried about you.”

“She is, but she acts so brave. I talked to her as soon as I was stable so she could see me, but I don’t want her to spend too much time in here. I don’t want her fixating on my injuries and having bad dreams.”

“Have you seen her today?” Zuko asked.

Mai nodded, smiling in the radiant way she reserved for talking about her daughter. “We had breakfast together. She tried to feed me with her chopsticks so I wouldn’t have to move my right arm.”

Zuko felt tears welling up in his eyes again. Family breakfast was such a mundane thing. He didn’t realize how much those moments meant to him until he was faced with the prospect of their end.

Ty Lee was still standing awkwardly by Mai’s side, unsure if she was joking about wanting tea. But Azula took control of the situation. “How about we all have a family tea? Ty Lee, you can bring the tray. Zuko, you and I can get mom, Noren, Kiyi, and Izzy. Mai, you’re due for a check in with the royal healer. They said they should be able to dress you in something more substantial by now. If you’re feeling up to it, we’ll regroup here when the Healer leaves.”

Mai nodded again. “That sounds really nice, actually. Thank you, Azula.”

Zuko wished he had his sister’s confidence and calm. He should have been the one to think of that and get everyone in order. It was a very Fire Lord-ly thing to do. He, on the other hand, was about to cry or commit a felony. (Could you commit a felony as an absolute monarch? He was going to find out.)

— —

As he and Azula made their way through the palace halls, he realized she was leading them off course. “Where are we going?”

She looked at him sharply. “We’re taking the long way. You need time to pull yourself together. I’m not taking you back to Mai until you’re fully under control.”

He huffed. “I thought I was doing a good job, all things considered. I had half a mind to march to the prison myself and find the pathetic–”

Azula raised her hand, stopping his tirade. She had led him to the fountain, where he had tackled Mai as children. His heart seized. If his sister was trying to make him less emotional, this was a bad choice.

“He’s not in prison, Zuko. I killed him,” Azula reported in a disinterested tone.

That brought him up short. “What– When– How– Are you… okay?”

Azula shook her head dismissively. “Of course I’m okay. Ty Lee and I were entertaining Izzy, but she started getting fussy. I volunteered to go find Mai. When I opened the door, that bastard had his hands on her throat. She pushed him off and I… I filled him with enough lightning to arc across the ocean.”

Zuko’s mind was racing. He hadn’t been there, but Azula was. Would he have been able to do what she did? To take a life? In his anger, he’d thought about it, but he had never followed through. Even in the war. When Uncle spoke about his experiences, he could tell they haunted him.

He put a hand on Azula’s shoulder. “Umm… Thank you. And I’m here if you need to talk.”

Azula rolled her eyes. “Mai’s my friend too, remember? Even without you, she would still be a sister to me. It was the least I could do after everything in our past.”

Zuko withdrew his arm. “I know that. But I’m still grateful. If you hadn’t been there…” He choked on his words. “Azula, I wasn’t there! I’m her husband and I wasn’t even there! She didn’t even tell me. I don’t understand. Doesn’t she trust me? Why can’t I do anything right?” The tears were flowing now and he collapsed on the ground.

Azula lowered herself awkwardly beside him. Comfort was not her strong suit. “Listen, Mai loves you very much and she trusts you completely. Why she does those things is beyond me.” Zuko shot his sister a watery glare, but she continued. “But she made the decision to not contact you because she’s the Fire Lady. She knew you would be forced to choose between her and your duty to the Nation.”

Zuko took several deep breaths until he trusted himself to speak. “I still don’t get it, Azula. Doesn’t Mai know that I will always choose her over everything else? I took a vow before Agni to put her first in all things.”

Azula patted his back, hesitantly. “Yes, I think she knows that quite well. In fact, I think that’s why she made the choice for you. Whether she was right to do so or not, Mai wants what's best for you and for the country more than she wants what’s best for her. She’s not someone who thinks of her own pain as consequential. Her wounds aren’t fatal, so she’s hardly taken account of them.”

Zuko sighed. When did his wife get so altruistic? No, she was always like that. She always put him first, even when they were angsty teens who hated the world. When had he stopped noticing? He needed to be attentive and start listening to the words that she left unsaid. When she was fully healed, they could have a long conversation about communication. Again.

He wiped away his tears. Mai was alright. The man who hurt her was dead. His family was safe. And Azula… was empathetic now? Perhaps life wasn’t so bad after all.

“Change of plans,” Azula’s voice brought him back to the present. She was standing above him now. “I’ll find Ty Lee and tell her to delay tea. You go back to your wife and sit with her for a bit. But we’ll be joining you in an hour so don’t do anything obscene.”

Zuko rolled his eyes. “She’s injured. Have some decorum. But, thank you. That was almost sweet.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Azula offered a hand and helped him off the ground. “Don’t get used to it.” She punched his arm, harder than playful, and the two went their separate ways.

— —

When Zuko was readmitted to Mai’s room, he found she was indeed wearing a slightly heavier red robe. He took it as a good sign that the bleeding was under control. The healer had also secured loose bandages on her neck, purely to hide the marks.

“Hey,” Mai greeted him with a small voice.

“Hi.” Zuko resumed his place next to her on the bed, even though they were now alone and the chairs were vacant.

“Are you mad at me?” Mai asked. “I didn’t want to hide anything from you but I knew you would worry and get all worked up for nothing.”

Zuko didn’t think an attack on her life was nothing. He took a lock of her hair and twisted it around his finger. “I could never be mad at you. Not really. I’m angry at myself.”

His wife looked surprised. “Still? After all this time?”

“No,” he laughed humorlessly. “Again. I wish I was better at anticipating your needs. I want to always be exactly what you need. I wish I could have been by your side and prevented all this.”

Mai held his cheek. “You are always exactly what I need. You’re Zuko.”

“And you’re Mai. My fearless Fire Lady.”

“And we’re still here.” Mai brought him in for a kiss, and for a few minutes he felt peace.

#atla maiko #avatar the last airbender #atla #zuko #mai #atla mai #atla zuko #maiko #mai x zuko #zumai #atla fanfic #azula #redeemed azula #ty lee #kiyi #Izumi is mentioned #fire nation royal family #fire siblings #fire lady mai

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dominimoonbeam · 1 year

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Hi, first I wanted to say that I really love your writing and thank you so much for sharing it.

You're amazing and so talented and you made me addicted to your writing. The way you write characters is so real and your way of writing scenerios in general makes me so Invested in the story.

Another thing, I don't know if you accept requests and if you don't feel free to ignore it:

Can I please ask for Sam comforting darlin after a long week when they basically shut down from stress? (Can you tell I'm projecting?😅)

Please don't feel pressured to do it, I know you're working on a lot of stuff now too so maybe just keep the idea for the future?

Anyway I wish you a happy rest of your week, take care of yourself and rest if you need to!

Anon! Thank you so much for all the kind words! You're not the only one needing some comfort and care lately! I think something about this season has been rough for people for a bunch of different reasons, myself included. I've got you! Or at least, I tried. Hope you like it! And I hope things turn up and go smoother for you soon!

Sam/Darlin comfort fic below the cut. Will probably reread and post it on ao3 later on.

They were tired.

Dead tired. Like they wished they were dead. No, no, that was bad. They didn’t wish that. They just… It had just been such a long fucking week and it felt like everything was going wrong. Nothing big enough that they could point it out or complain. Just, off. And they hadn’t been able to sleep. And it seemed like the longer it went, the longer they hid it well enough that no one pressed for an explanation they couldn’t begin to come up with, it got heavier rather than lighter.

When they got home that night from a job, they were actually relieved Sam wasn’t back yet. The last thing they wanted to do was to drag him down with them. God, he deserved so much better than them. They tossed their keys on the side table, toed off their boots, and hung up their jacket. The side of their face throbbed. They’d gotten hit with a fucking bat. David thought their cheekbone was broken and had only finally allowed them to go home because he knew Sam would take care of it.

Darlin sat down in the big chair, their favorite chair, and told themself they’d just sit for a minute. And then they’d shower, see if their face was really that much of a mess, and if it was, maybe they’d drag their ass over to the clinic and get a healer there to fix it. They felt bad making Sam patch them up all the time, but they also hated the idea of anyone else touching them let alone mending them.

They could put an ice pack on it. Maybe the swelling would go down on its own.

They sank back in the chair and closed their eyes. Just a minute.

Sam was still at the Solaire house when he got a call from David.

His heart always lurched high in his chest when he got a call from David, his first thought always that frantic fear that something had happened to Darlin. Why else would David call him instead of Darlin or instead of using the group chat?

Sam stepped away from the big table of squabbling younger vampires and a very amused William.

“David?”

“Hey Sam,” David said, voice gruff but easy, instantly relieving that tension in Sam’s chest. “I just wanted to check in and see how they’re doing.”

The tension was back. “What?” Darlin had been off for almost a week, barely talking but not willing or ready to tell him why. He wasn’t sure they knew themself, not yet. But somehow he didn’t think that was what David was talking about.

The pause stretched. “Are they not home yet?”

Sam was already grabbing his jacket and waving heading for the front door. “They might be, but I ain’t. Why?”

David sighed. “Sorry. It’s not an emergency, Sam. The job got rough and they took a bat to the face… I would have taken them to a healer but they insisted—”

“Yeah,” Sam said, nodding. Of course, they would. “I’m heading home now. I’ll let ya know when they’re patched up.”

He called Darlin in the truck but they didn’t answer, which conjured a mess of panicked thoughts. What if they’d passed out behind the wheel? The thought of his Darlin in a twisted wreck was hard to push away and almost immediately replaced by other tragic imaginings.

He exhaled small relief when he saw their car in front of the house.

The front door wasn’t locked. Darlin never locked it when they were home. And there they were, asleep in the big chair. He sighed and put his keys down with theirs. Another step inside and their eyes opened. Well, one opened, the other was swollen shut.

“Damn…” Darlin winced as he closed the door. They sat up with some effort. “Sorry, I think I fell asleep… What time is—”

“Don’t you dare stand up,” he warned when they were starting to tip forward. He was already in front of them, gently catching their shoulder to ease them back. He kept his voice in a low hush, thinking their head had to be hurting inside and out. “You shoulda called me, Darlin.” He knelt beside their leg, carefully fingering hair out of their face. The bruising was new, like it had only just begun, and the swelling was bad. It looked like their cheekbone was broken. “David said you got hit with a bat?”

Darlin sighed, shoulders slumping. “I wasn’t paying attention and this guy… Yeah.”

Sam clicked his teeth to keep from snarling at the idea of ‘this guy’ whoever the hell he was. He reached toward their face but they caught his wrist and pulled it gently down to their heart instead. “I’ll be gentle,” he promised, surprised.

Darlin smiled weakly, eyes already closed again. “I know. You always are, cowboy. But I don’t…” They sighed, their smile gone. “I don’t want to cost you anything right now, you know?” Their voice had gotten small, like they were far away inside themself.

Sam kept his hand to their chest, feeling their heartbeat through his palm. He leaned against their thigh, so they’d feel him right there next to them, practically leaning into the chair with them. “You never cost me anything,” he whispered back. “Healing you is a privilege. It makes me feel like there’s something I can do for you. I love you, Darlin.”

Their face pinched, not a wince but close, and he thought if they opened those eyes, they’d be teary. His other hand stroked up the side of their thigh, squeezing them gently. “Tell me what it is,” he said gently. “Tell me what’s going on in your head.” He said it quietly, like it could be just between them.

Darlin sighed and he heard all the exhaustion and strain in that breath. “I don’t know. I just… It’s been a bad week. It’s everything. I just feel… Everything. And I’m tired and I hate myself and I can’t… I can’t take things from you when I feel like I’ve got nothing to give.”

Sam watched them the whole time they choked out that barely audible confession. They’d never told him these things, but they didn’t shock him either. They hurt, because he never wanted them to feel like that, but they didn’t shock him. “Do you trust me, Darlin?”

That good eye opened enough to look at him, surprised. “Of course. I love you.”

He stroked his thumb against their collar, above their heart. “I’m going to heal you and then we’re going to take a bath. You can talk or you can relax. We’re going to get some well needed sleep and I’m going to order your favorite food. And every step of the way, I’m going to remind you that you’re incredible and all the reasons I love you, all the reasons your pack loves you, and all the reasons my clan loves you. You get to feel however you feel, Darlin, but that voice in your heart telling you bad shit, that’s asshole is lying.”

A tear rolled off Darlin’s lashes, even though their mouth was set in a stubborn line, like they refused to acknowledge it.

He reached up slowly, so they could stop him again if they needed to argue about this more, but he also couldn’t leave their face like that. His fingertips brushed the edge of the bruising and Darlin’s eye closed as that warm magic slid through their skin, spreading out. The delicate bone in their cheek healed and the swelling went down.

They exhaled relief when they opened both eyes and blinked at him.

He could see an apology building in their eyes, trying to form on their tongue. He took their face in both hands and leaned in, touching his forehead to theirs the way he’d seen the pack do. “Trust me,” he pleaded. “I ain’t ever going to lie to you, Darlin, and we’ll get through bad weeks together.”

Darlin stayed tense for another few seconds, like they might push this comfort away, but finally they sagged. Too tired maybe?

Sam smiled when they tipped their face into his, brushing a soft kiss against his lips. He kissed back and then pulled them to their feet to lead them to the bathroom. He had to make a dash back to his jacket to send a text off to David, telling him Darlin was fine but they were taking tomorrow off.

#thank you anon!#sam/darlin #redactedverse #comfort fic #dark feelings #angst #hurt/comfort #<3 #dominimoonbeam

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chubsonthemoon · 2 years

Text

Binderary 2023 Wrap-Up!

Binderary 2023 is over, and I come bearing some stats, thoughts, and a compiled list of my QOTD answers! :3

Stats:

Books planned: 7

Books completed: 7/7 (woohoo!)

Fandoms: 3 (Yuri on Ice, Harry Potter, and The Sandman)

Total word count: 340,654

List of books (from left to right):

Maybe sprout wings by @moorishflower

Flower King by @landwriter

The Politeness of Princes by @aboxthecolourofheartache

Uncertain Results (also by Box!)

I'm caught inside every open eye (also also by Box :3)

Not pictured (on account of them being given away as gifts!):

My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie (aka xxxbloodyrists666xxx) (community typeset by @renegadepublishing)

Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches by @kazliin (typesetting by @ziezie13 <3)

QOTD answers under the cut (and these are copied directly from our DW post, just with added tumblr @'s!)

1. What does Renegade mean to you?

Renegade has, in all honesty, probably changed the course of my life! That's not hyperbole--it's had such a huge influence on my hobbies, my friendships, my academic trajectory, even my career. I was still in undergrad when I found ASH's post on fanbinding, and I was very lost as to what the next steps would be. And like so many others experienced, the pandemic only made things even murkier and more isolating. Then I found ASH's manifesto in June 2020, worked up the courage to join the Discord in July 2020, and found a community of like-minded weirdos who were just as passionate (if not even more so!) about their favorite stories, and a craft that I fall a little bit more in love with every day (well, most days. fuckin printers man XD). I wrote my honors thesis thanks to Renegade; I've made lifelong friends thanks to Renegade; I have my current job, in a field I love, thanks to Renegade. (My first Rocky Horror Picture show at Havencon 2022? All thanks to Renegade :D) This really feels like my forever fandom home-- even when I jump around from fandom to fandom, there's always a wonderful and supportive community to fall back on. In short, I really love it here, I'm so pleased with what we've done so far, and I can't wait to see where we go! ❤️

2. Favorite Fic

As everyone else who answered this, this question is IMPOSSIBLE. However, if you put a gun to my head and told me to answer right now, I'd have to say Tell Me About the Big Bang (my binding of it here!) It's one of the fics that has touched me most deeply and which has probably had the greatest influence on my writing. It was one of the first fics I'd ever bound, and I really wanted to rebind it to see how far I've come!

3. One thing you'd like to learn more about

GOD SO MANY THINGS. Backing! Headband techniques. Chisel trimming. Edge gilding. Tiny books. More advanced Cricut techniques. More cohesive and professional-looking graphic design. This hobby is really a dozen hobbies in a trench coat, and there's so much to explore.

4. Paper!

For my textblocks, I use 20 lb. cream Hammermill paper! I order it in 11"x 17" and get it cut in half for short grain, like a lot of other folks at Renegade. Recently I've started experimenting with quarto-sized Legal (8.5"x 14")and fell in love. I also want to try a bunch of the other paper that folks have suggested (looking at @robins-egg-bindery Mohawk Via o.o). For my endpapers, I usually use scrapbook paper from those scrapbook paper packs you can get at Michaels and Joann's (and when they're on sale...WOOF)

5. Cloth!

DUO BOOKCLOTH MY BELOVED. God I wish I'd gotten in on the Renegade group order - but ah well. Big fan of making my own though! There are just so many options to choose from, so it really expands what you can do (again: a dozen hobbies and crafts in a trench coat)

6. The Glue War

LOVE me some PVA! I know that it gives you less time to do things, but I get impatient XD. Plus it's cheap and easy to find and ready to use right out of the bottle, which is great. I've tried my hand at making starch paste + PVA with very mixed (ha!) results, although I had a wonderful time with some methyl cell that @simply-sithel gifted me at Havencon last year <3 So mayhaps will have to buy more of that for a future project!

I also love my Cricut Explore 2, Charlotte! She holds up very well, although I think she's due for a blade refill soon. I've just been setting my pressure higher and higher LOL

7. Machines

Love my Epson ecotank! I recently bought it--for the first two years I was going to my local print shop because the quality was great and I had a discount card. Unfortunately the discount card eventually expired, so I decided to bite the bullet and get my own printer. I really love it! I didn't want to have to deal with laser and printing in color can get pricey--the cartridges are just so goddamn expensive, although I do think laser prints in higher quality. Mayhaps a future purchase, because I'd really like to experiment with foiling!

8. Favorite binding technique

Ooh this one is interesting! I know which part of the process I enjoy the most, which is sewing! Kettle stitch my beloved. ALTHOUGH I am a sucker for the French link too--it's just so pretty! And we just had a wonderful workshop put on last week by @queercore-curriculum on their...embroidered binding/long-stitch binding (??? I don't know if there's an official name for it yet), which I LOVE. Glueless bindings are SO cool and I would love to experiment more with them.

9. Your best tip/trick

Ooh! Hmmm...I'd say: never bind while you're super tired/hungry LOL. I've made many a preventable mistake very late at night because I wanted to get something cased in or glued before bed when I probably should've waited till morning XD That being said, on the flip side I think you should never be afraid to experiment! Go hog wild!!! Use those glitter pens!! Try out that fancy silk for your endbands!! Try that new binding style! And if you fuck up, remember that's okay too! These are handmade objects and those mistakes are proud proof of that, and of your journey as a fanbinder. Stick 'em in the channel on the Discord, laugh and (maybe cry a little XD) about it, and then keep going. tldr; ya live and learn!

10. Favorite Detail

Ooh, this one's hard! I love leaving little Easter eggs in my designs. I'd say my favorite is putting my maker's mark on things! My imprint is Moonham Press (a fun mix of my usernames, chubsthehamster and chubsonthemoon), and the logo includes a little crescent moon. I'd actually been binding for about two years when I finally made the imprint--I used to think that it was...idk, kind of weird to put myself in the book? Like I was taking away from the story inside it. But then I got to thinking--well, hey, I'm the one who made this book, right? If nothing else, putting my mark on it tells someone who may pick it up one day that I was connected to this story. Some conversations with some folks at Renegade during Havencon 2022 also helped me embrace this. So these days I put my imprint logo in the typesetting, and I also put it on the cover somewhere! My favorite spots are either on the spine, between the title and author name, or on the back cover, in the bottom left corner :D

11. Spines

Spines are the bane of my existence. Haha, jk. They're mostly just tedious, since they're one of the only parts of the process that still require precise measurement (I've cut templates for everything else by now, and I use my guillotine to cut boards, so that goes super fast). For my thicker books I use Bristol board; I actually still use the same sheets I bought in 2020 when I first started binding--I didn't know how much I would really need so I think I ordered four massive sheets which will probably last me for ten years LOL. For my thinner books, I use Davy board, which is a pain to cut but gives the book a really nice board feel. And for my paperbacks, the spine is just the cover, which I make out of kraft paper for the backing + the decorative paper (usually scrapbook paper or something I've designed and printed)

12. Mistakes/Fails

Ooh BOY are there many. My most recent was my experiment with making a hardback quarto letter. I made the hinge waaaaay too small so when I tested the case the textblock was sticking out of it LOL. But I've been pretty lucky--this is only the second case I've had to remake in my time as fanbinder *KNOCKS ON WOOD*, but my printer fuck-ups when I was trying to figure out how to print on legal sized paper (since my printer doesn't duplex) probably make up for the luck I've had in the case department XD. Casing in, though--I think I've had maaaaaybe...two or three case-ins where I was completely happy with the results. A large part of this is because my guillotine doesn't cut completely straight, so my squares are never even LOL. But hey, I'm not getting paid for this, and I'm having fun, so eh.

13. Process

Ooh, interesting! My process has remained largely unchanged--I think the only thing that has really changed is now the frequency at which I print. I used to print at a print shop, so I'd make typesets in large batches--usually two to four books, sometimes more (I think the most I've done at a time is five?), and I'd make a day out of it. Now that I have my printer at home though, I can do things in smaller batches! I can also test print things, so I've been able to get a lot more experimental with my books sizes and my covers. Everything else has remained largely the same--the first book I did I typeset in MS Word, but everything after that I've all done in Affinity Publisher. I typeset > print > bind > take pictures! I really like how different each step is (like I said, twelve different hobbies in a trench coat), so there's always something different to do if I get bored. My favorite parts are probably designing covers and sewing the signatures!

14. Storage solutions

OUGH. I have one of those rollaway drawer thingies for all my tools, a dozen scrapbook paper containers, several large baskets for my vinyl and cloth, a hanging stand for my larger sheets of decorative paper, a standing desk which holds my Cricut and printer (a few of the aforementioned vinyl baskets are under this desk too), another rollaway basket thingy that holds my printing paper and my press (also under the standing desk), another desk which holds both my two guillotines and cutting mats (and under that desk are all my scrapbook paper containers and Cricut mats), and a final third desk where I keep all my sewing stuff and where I do my typesetting and other sitting-down parts of the process. And of course my shelves for all my books! This doesn't really give a sense of where everything is, but it's actually fairly organized, and for the most part I know where everything is (except for my FUCKING bone folder god that thing is always ending up in places I do not remember putting it XD)

15. Your Workspace

Ah, see my answer to 14! I'll probably upload a photo here later XD

16. Dust jackets and covers

Oooh, I've never made a dust jacket before--I don't think my printer could handle the wonky paper size that it requires, but they look really cool and I'd maybe be up for making one someday! And covers! Both my greatest love and my greatest enemy. They're super fun to design, but this is one part of the process that always feels like an uphill battle for me! There are so many skilled and talented folks in Renegade with GORGEOUS covers, and it's always a mix of being incredibly inspired and getting some design envy--but either way it's very motivating to keep me out of my comfort zone and to always keep trying new things. I use decorative paper and scrapbook paper mostly for the base material (although I've begun experimenting with designing things digitally and printing them out on Epson matte presentation paper), and then the rest is fuck it, we ball. I usually design the cover last, so I have an entire typeset and title page already when I begin, which makes things a little easier since I have an already established aesthetic to work with. My font selection is kind of determined by how small the text for the title/author name is, since my Cricut isn't great at cutting super small sizes (Times New Roman, funnily enough, is one of the only fonts that it can do at smaller sizes LOL so a lot of the text on my covers/spines are in TNR). I'm excited to keep improving and experimenting in this area!

17. Published inspiration

Ooh!! This one's fun--when I first began making my Master pages in Affinity publisher, I literally grabbed the first few books I saw on my shelf and said 'alright, this looks good' and haven't looked back since LOL. Those books were Vintage's editions of Toni Morrison's novels, Picador's Gilead by Marilynne Robinson, Vintage's edition of Willa Cather's The Song of the Lark, Fall River's omnibus editions of Shakespeare and Sherlock Holmes's works, Penguin Classic's Deluxe edition of Jane Austen's novels, and a few others that I can't remember. I looked at all these books, found what they had in common (for example, a simple title page before the decorative title page, the use of a single graphic or design at the beginning of each chapter, etc.) and went with that! I don't usually take inspiration from specific books, EXCEPT for a project I'm currently working on which I'm super excited about :3 More TK here eheh (ADDITION 3/7: I was talking about Maybe sprout wings here LOL)

18. Illustrations

FANART MY BELOVED. I LOVE including fanart in my books, because it's such a lovely demonstration of the communal nature of these stories and it's so fun getting to collect all the pieces. For free use graphics my favorite sites are Adobe Stock images and Heritage Library. Heritage in particular has a beautiful selection of free vintage graphics packs that I've used for years now. And very occasionally, wingdings fonts will have something I really like XD

19. Favorite tool

Despite my gripes earlier about always misplacing it, I ADORE my bone folder. It's a funky lil dude and it makes all my edges nice and crisp! I can't wait for the retreat bone folder fufu :3 Also a very big fan of my guillotine, which despite its flaws makes my life a hell of a lot easier in the long run, as well as my presses, which were handmade by my dad and do their jobs very well (squiiiiiiish)

20. Favorite part of the binding process

Oooh, this one's fun! I really like the actual construction of the book--sewing sigs is always relaxing and has been one of my fave parts since the very beginning. Recently I've started to really enjoy designing covers, especially if there are a lot of physical elements (like layering scrapbook paper or playing around with Mod Podge).

I had the absolute privilege to hold @clovenhoofbindery's copy of Away Childish Things at Havencon last year. Literally every book Space makes I fall in love with, and her designs are a HUGE inspiration for me. Everything from the typesetting to cover design to physical construction--I lose my marbles every time.

21. Inspo: The binder that inspired you!

Ohhh this one's so hard! Literally every time I check the #show-off channel in the Discord I'm struck by so many beautiful books. I'm going to cheat and name a few people here, but this list is by no means comprehensive and doesn't even begin to cover everyone I could name.

Everything @pleasantboatpress binds is just so beautiful. Their color choices are always inspired and their headbands make me want to cry! Their bind of Unconditional in particular had me foaming at the mouth.

The quality of everything @zhalfirin-binds makes, likewise, always blows me away. Her books are so polished and professional, and her photos make me feel like I'm in a museum when I'm trawling her blog for inspo!

@simply-sithel's tiny books are literally the coolest things ever! I'm still working my way through the Binderary vids and I can't wait to get to hers. Six plays with form in mind-bending and truly innovative ways, and her blog is wonderland of tiny and fantastical book creatures.

@teleportbooks's binds are the definition of classy and refined. They're so good at designing their books according to the contents of the fic--their binding of Thirty-Three Lashes in particular is just the best design centered around fic content and title I've seen. Their designs always make me melt a little when I see them!

@no-name-publishing's endbands are to DIE for. Like fr I am in awe every time!!! And Kam's cover + title page designs are a huge source of inspo for me--forever in love with this bind of theirs, with the beautiful painted cover + matching endpapers T_T

And of course!!! I (and everyone else) wouldn't be here without our beloved leader, @armoredsuperheavy. He's the first binder that ever inspired me, and he continues to do so today!

22. Inspo: The fic that inspired you!

My original answer was also my answer for 27 ("First bind"), but I'm gonna say something a little different here! I usually know pretty quickly whether I'm interested in binding something, but very rarely has a fic gotten me hook, line, and sinker the way @that-banhus's King of Infinite Space did. Like, from the first line I was like "oh god I need to hold this one." And eventually I did! :3

23. Author spotlight: Someone you've bound

AHHHHHH this one is so hard too! I've bound a good number of authors over the years, many of whom are my dear friends, and to spotlight only a single one would be impossible. So I'm just going to poke @dodici12, whose killugon fic See You Upside Down is one of the best killugon reunion fics ever in my very humble hamster opinion. Hiiiii Tessa ilysm <333

24. Author spotlight: Someone you'd like to bind

OOOOOH. Many, many fics are in my queue. I'll keep them to myself for now, since I prefer to ask for author permission via DM, but atm I have my eye on a few Good Omens authors whose work I adore!

25. Favorite bind by you!

THIS ONE IS SO HARD AJLSKDJF. I love all my babies so much and I'm proud of what I was able to accomplish and what I learned from each of them. However, if you put a gun to my head and asked me to choose right now, I'd have to go with my most recent bind of Maybe sprout wings by @moorishflower. I'm really pleased with both its construction and particularly the curation of its contents, which includes the work of nearly a dozen people. It was my attempt at capturing the communal nature of fanfiction's creation and dispersal, and it was also my Big Project this Binderary. I'm ridiculously fond and proud of it!

26. Favorite bind by someone else!

THIS ONE IS SO HARD TOO HELP. Okay this is only one of my many many favorites, but dragging Space back out here again to say that her bind of Away Childish Things permanently altered my brain chemistry. Like, the cutout!!! The patronuses!!!! The title page cutout???? THE KEY??? Again, I held this book in my hands IN PERSON last year and I'm still not over it. The quality of the work is absolutely bonkers crazy incredible and I think about it Often.

27. First bind

The very first fic I ever bound was On Stranger Tides by @theroyalsavage. It's still one of my favorite fics ever today--it has the perfect blend of action/adventure, romance, humor, and fantasy. It gives me the good ol' "roaming the high seas with found family and magic and pirates" ache. It holds a very special place in my heart!

FINAL THOUGHTS

28. Latest bind

See 22! But for funsises, I'm also ridiculously fond of the binding before that, of @aboxthecolourofheartache's fic The Politeness of Princes, because I got to do lots of fun arts and crafty things with the cover!

This was my first year doing Binderary, and I had such a blast! It's so crazy seeing how far Renegade has come, from a little Discord for book shop chatting (ASH mentioned in one of the talks how it was just called, like, "Bookbinding Discord" at the beginning LOL) to now. We're well on our way to a proper organizational structure, with several yearly events, in-person meetups, and thousands of members all over the world. And we have so much more planned! It feels truly special, and I'm so grateful to everyone who makes this possible.

Okay!! That's all from me for today, folks. If you made it this far, thanks so much for reading! <3

#binderary2023 #fanbinding #bookbinding #ficbinding

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rainyfestivalsweets · 8 months

Text

2/4/24

The MLM hack list

Alright. So there are a bunch of MLM diet companies that make a shitload of money of of us and yet our obesity rates in developed countries are thru the freaking roof.

How many times have you gotten the messages on Facebook, Instagram or whatever and it's like: Hey girl, haven't seen you since high school, let's get coffee... OR... they just post the precopied message & ask about your goals, & proceed to add a flurry of hyperpositive social media messages, like my friend recently did to me.

Did anyone in high school like you? Not me! Do that screams danger from the start. I was horrendously bullied in elementary school. I was gone to a parochial school for a couple years so the only reason that I avoided constant bullying in high school was because... they forgot who I was.

Here are some ideas I stole from various companies, cheaper:

Herbalife: this company's stuff works, for 2 reasons- you replace 2 out of 3 meals with shakes. However, alot of people are not successful if they make their shakes at home and if they add in all the snack bars. People do, however, lose weight if they get their shakes from a "nutrition" shop. Why? Because they blend those shakes super thick with a metric shitton of ice & I think alot of them add sf pudding, which enhances the thickness. Also, you get an iced tea, normally with added fiber. So the answer is- you have 2 drinks that take a long time to finish AND give you added caffeine & fiber. So? Just do it at home: keep your shake calories low, make it extra large & thicker than a snicker, & follow with a caffeinated tea & add fiber to it. I like the herbalife brand but I order it off Amazon so I don't have to get the whole shpeel. Now brand has "prebiotic fiber" that is cheaper. There is also benefiber from Walmart. It is cheap, so why not?

Beachbody: you don't need to spend a billion dollars on protein shakes or meal replacement shakes. I do, however, love some of their workout systems.

Tai Slim: this company's great idea was the chocolate gluccomannon chews, I just didn't know ot at the time. I have tried to order it but have been unable to so maybe they don't make it any more. So my hack would be- the chocolate calcium chews, some gluccomannon tablets, & a large glass of water.

Modere: this company was all over tik tok & reels for awhile, while the reps were trying to schlep people into this scheme. The Golden Child was the liquid CLA chocolate, probably because it tastes like a chocolatey treat while it is actually a CLA supplement. CLA can be purchased at almost any health food store, way cheaper.

Plexus: the pink drink. More research needed on this, but I think it is just a fiber drink. Hack: gluccomannon powder & a Starburst all pink flavor packet.

Most of these companies often sell an associated "fat burner:" often something with caffeine, ecgc from green tea, etc. You can get something similar at a health food store for a fraction of the price. If you want something fancy, there is Ember from the Ambrosia Collective. Use the Google. MFINGCOO is a discount code that I think still works, but it isn't mine.

Buy In for then"tribe:" Weight watchers (not an MLM, just a diet culture sales supergiant but they still somehow acquire affiliates, idk if that qualifies as a True MLM), beachbody, herbalife are pretty cultish in nature-- they rope you into a bunch of meetings, calls, and online groups. If someone calls you to ask why you weren'tat Power Hour, you may have bought into a cult! It works by reprogramming certain thought & behavior patterns..... Basically a bunch of people are sharing ideas regularly and getting involved in their cultish antics.& promoting it on social media. (Example: OMG have you tried the new WW/herbalife/beachbody PROTEIN BAR?? Only $15 for 4!! What a deal! LINK IN MY BIO) You can do this on your own by finding your own people. You can get your own seminars by watching a lot of youtube. Anything that focuses on reprogramming you to cook at home and eat primarily whole foods will probably work. Join free groups. Disregard anything outside of what works for you ( I have to ignore a lot of dessert recipes because they cause bingeing for me).

Lipozene: pretty sure this is just gluccomannon. You can find gluccomannon tablets way cheaper at a health food store. Walmart also was carrying a generic version.

Hydroxycut: pretty sure the active ingredient here is HCA? I don't have a bottle currently to look. But isn't HCA just garcinia? So much cheaper at a health food store. I personally cannot take hydroxycut, it makes me RAGE. I like, get upset and freak out at work, so I don't even think I am willing to try it again.

It works: I think the skinny coffee would be comparable to the "slim coffee," which was cheaper but seemed to be chromium. You can just pick up a chromium supplement... & seriously, you can just drink coffee. Don't add calories to it.

Apple cider vinegar gummies: Just take shots of apple cider vinegar. You can buy a gallon at walmart, it will last a long time. Play with shot recipes, you can do good girl moonshine (ala Trim Healthy Mamma), & use it liberally for dressing recipes.

L-Glutamine: don't remember the company, but this is available at more health food stores, not for $100 a container.

Maybe I have bought so much shit so you don't have it. Is there an MLM company I missed? 🤔 let me know and I will check it out for future posts.

Remember- whatever you do, stay safe. Research your shit. Focus on your daily habits and remember that what you are eating outweighs almost any supplement you could buy. Eat whole food, walk, have an exercise routine & stop expecting a 30 day result for a body that took you 40 years (or whatever) to create.

I definitely don't think the ozempic trend is worth the cost, but if there is no other way for you & you have the money, it is worth a shot. Just don't expect your insurance to pay for it. Many insurance companies are currently not covering it, and I don't really know if they should consider it.

Surgery? If there is no other way and you want to, go for it.

The way that these things work though, is by changing what you are eating. Period. These are all systems to change what you ingest and you can change what you eat for free.

I am still on Nomorbidity & Alkemi from the Ambrosia Collective. I have not found suitable replacements for them but I am also not looking hard, they have a reasonable price point to me.

Edited: To reword, as WW is a diet culture vulture, not quite an MLM. Just a big money making company.

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voxofthevoid · 6 months

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Hi! I've been a long time reader of your works and we have like 3 fandoms in common (jjk, yuri on ice, mcu) which is the Dream for an average fic reader like me. Thank you for putting all these out to see. I love the way you write, it really pulls me in no matter the genre. Your mind is amazing.

On to the questions:

1.I kind of want to start writing myself, do you any advice for a beginner?

2.On average, for how long are you into fandoms? How much time does it take for the brainrot to take root in your mind?

3.What kind of media do you usually enjoy?

I hope I didn't bother you. Please stay healthy and safe!

That's delightful on my end too! Love seeing cross-fandom readers. And thanks so much ❤️

1. The advice I have is mostly social and technical. In terms of the writing itself, all the reading you do is likely to give you an idea of what you want to write and how to go about it, and practice will refine the process.

Given the fandoms you've listed, you're likely already familiar with how rancid fandom spaces can get. This depends on your disposition, but being braced to deal with shitheads is important, whether that comes in the form of puriteens or entitled assholes without a brain-to-fingers filter. This is mostly a case of "do as I say, not as I do" because *gestures* you know what my online presence is like, but I'd recommend the following:

(a) Make an account just for writing that's entirely divorced from any and all IRL information or even previous fandom shenanigans. It reduces chances of people digging through your history and other such demented things.

(b) Block liberally and, failing that, be enough of a dick that people will think twice about picking a fight—the more accommodating you are, the more these fuckers will act like sharks scenting blood. There's a reason I stopped accepting tag requests, slapped CNTW on everything, and generally adopted a "my way or the highway" stance toward everything I post. The alternative isn't worth it. YMMV, of course.

(c) Write whatever you want however you want, and don't show an ounce of shame or guilt. Even if you feel it, don't show it. Fake it till you make it. Like above, it's safer than the alternative.

The technical advice is to get a copy of the Chicago Manual of Style; there's an online version, a paper version, and also good old pirating. It may look intimidating, but it's got a beautifully indexed list of damn near every grammar and punctuation element (and a lot of other stuff). I started using it for work, and while I'm way more lax with my own writing than I am with editing, the CMOS still did wonders for my general understanding of the technical side of creative writing.

2. It varies based on a bunch of factors, but my usual pattern is to spend several months just reading while the obsession grows stronger and stronger, to the point I start getting ideas. And we know what happens when I get ideas 🤣. I generally don't stay in a fandom for more than a year. But there are exceptions! I was in the MCU for some three years. I started writing for JJK less than a month after watching it (though this is mostly because I couldn't find much to read—not because fics were low in number but because I was and am extremely picky), and I'm rapidly approaching my 1.5-year mark.

3. A mix of things, but so far, fantasy is the most common theme across various media. I enjoy most subgenres of it too.

And absolutely no bother! I had fun answering, though I may have gone overboard with #1. I feel a little protective of new writers these days because I keep seeing so much vile shit happening online.

#i love my anons #anon

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lonewolflink · 8 months

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hi! before reading your fic I’d only ever watched one hockey match at my local mall (there’s an ice rink) and it shook me for real. after reading your fic my interest in hockey has resurfaced, but I have no idea where to start. any suggestions?

HELLO!!! i'm sorry this response is so damn late; it's been hectic af around here (here being...my life).

i am genuinely so excited that you're interested in getting into hockey. it is such a fun sport to be a fan of.

*warning*: this is a super long post, because i wanted to answer you thoroughly and make a list of useful resources in case anyone else reading wsc also wanted to get into watching hockey and wasn't sure where to start.

generally speaking, my recommendation is to familiarize yourself with the basic rules of the game, and then maybe pick a team to start following. being a fan is most fun once you start getting invested in the players on the team and know their stories, their connection to the community, etc.

—basic rules of the game—

there are some more (and less) useful guides online to getting into watching hockey. i'll link you a few; peruse at your leisure (and note that some of these posts are pretty old; they're still overall solid though).

(1) i think this short guide is might be the best place to start. it's just some guy on his own personal blog, i think, but that (weirdly) is what makes it a better take than more "official" sports journalism outlets.

(2) this is a really helpful (and fairly short) guide to the different zones of the ice and what they're called, and some other basic concepts of the game. i think it's directed at parents of kids who are starting to play hockey, but still super useful!

(3) this guide doesn't give a ton of detail but it's solid re: concrete basic steps to take to get into hockey.

(4) parts of this guide are outdated (e.g. brendan shanahan no longer runs the department of player safety and is instead the president of the toronto maple leafs) and it's a little pretentious in the way hockey fans can sometimes be, but it gives a sense of the flavor of being a fan of this sport i think.

(5) more on this below, but 2024 began with a bang, as the Professional Women's Hockey League (PWHL) began it's inaugural (!) season. there are some differences between the NHL and the PWHL, some of which are covered here and here. if you're interested in watching women's hockey, that'll be useful!

—picking a team and how to watch—

[note: i am assuming you live in north america. if you do not, some of this might not apply, e.g. picking a favorite team based on geographic proximity]

if you're starting at a baseline of 0 hockey knowledge, you should probably know the names of three hockey leagues: the National Hockey League (NHL, the best men's league in the world), the American Hockey League (AHL, the NHL's minor league where their young prospects usually play for a few years before transitioning to the majors), and the aforementioned Professional Women's Hockey League (PWHL, literally brand new as of a month ago).

NHL Recommendations

—the NHL is a great place to start for watching hockey, largely because it has the best players in the world so the level of play is extremely high and entertaining, and it has some really great personalities in the game right now. i watch the NHL regularly. —if you live in an area that already has an NHL team (or at least one within 2 hours of driving), i'd recommend starting out as a fan of that team. this is bc part of sports culture is to support your home/local team, but also because that gives you more opportunities to see your favorite team play in person. here's a list of all the NHL teams. —watching the NHL on TV or your computer is actually kind of annoying, because the league is run by a bunch of idiots in its bureaucracy. you can watch most games (but for some reason not all of them) if you have ESPN+. here's the nhl's official guide for how/where to watch. —i am a poor grad student so i use other...completely...legal...means to stream NHL games online. they are, as i just said, completely legal (...). but um. nonetheless, if you want to know how to find and use these means...maybe just...shoot me a private message. —if you don't have geographic proximity to any of the NHL teams, there are a few ways to pick a team to follow. some classics:

1. as you learn about hockey and watch some games, you might find yourself starting to have a favorite player. you can start with their team! [message me or send another ask if you want some recs for players to look into!]

2. pick the jersey you think is coolest. it's how kids pick their favorite teams half the time, so why not us? here's a link to an article that that ranks the current home jerseys of teams. i STRONGLY disagree with these rankings, but the photos of the jerseys are high quality so you can see them well. you can also see each team's away jersey and third/alternate jersey designs here.

3. pick a fun, up and coming team to follow. some notes on this: —for example, if i were you and could pick any team, i would probably not pick my very own favs the washington capitals. they were one of the dominant teams of the last 15 or so years because our captain is the greatest goalscorer of all time. however, he is now 38 (ancient by athlete standards) and the team is on its decline. —by contrast, a team like the edmonton oilers is super exciting to watch; they're considered current championship contenders because they have by far the best player in the world, connor mcdavid (aka "McJesus"). they're kind of a heart attack to watch because they have insane offense but not amazing defense, so they score a lot and get scored on a lot. they're a team with amazing history (wayne gretzky's dynasty oilers in the 80s), but were TERRIBLE for decades until mcdavid came around. he's trying to bring the franchise back to glory from the pathetic ashes it turned into. —then there's teams like the montreal canadiens or buffalo sabres, who have been really bad the last while but drafted a ton of great young players who are on the verge of becoming superstars. they'll probably not make the playoffs this year (and maybe not next year) but they'll be on the cusp soon and getting into a journey like that with a young team early on is super fun. —in general, teams i'd stay away from being a fan of, if you have a choice:

-washington capitals/pittsburgh penguins/st. louis blues (formerly top teams in the league, now on the decline) -toronto maple leafs (the most tortured fans (and also somehow the most annoying and entitled), don't join their ranks) -arizona coyotes/columbus blue jackets (disaster franchises (sorry fans of those teams! it's true!!) traditionally have been poorly run) -chicago blackhawks (they do have the next great superstar in connor bedard, but they've had some really messed up scandals in their organization and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth) -new york rangers/islanders (unless you're from nyc...don't)

—recs for current good teams if you want to come in when they're already hot, they're all pretty fun teams tbh: -carolina hurricanes -colorado avalanche (recent champions) -new jersey devils -florida panthers -seattle kraken -vancouver canucks -vegas golden knights (recent champions) -edmonton oilers

—recs for up and coming young teams that will break out in the next 1-4 seasons, i think: -anaheim ducks -buffalo sabres -detroit red wings -montreal canadiens (would be my pick, i low key love them) -ottawa senators

AHL Recommendations

it can be super fun to follow an AHL team if you happen to live near one. tickets to AHL games are SUPER cheap, and the arenas are smaller and more intimate. you get to see some really talented players early in their career before they become superstars, and this can also help you pick a favorite player to follow (and thereby, later, a favorite nhl team) for their career! i love going to AHL games, and did that a lot in high school.

here's the list of AHL teams.

PWHL Recommendations

tragically, i have been so busy in 2024 so far that i haven't been able to get into the PWHL yet. however, i'd really like to, once i have a bit more time.

because the league is in its infancy, there are only six teams: -boston -minnesota -montreal -new york -ottawa -toronto

they don't currently have team names outside of the cities, but i think those are coming next season. for myself, i already know i'm going to be a montreal fan (i lived there for 5 years, and montreal's hockey culture is in my opinion the best in the world).

the pwhl is great for many reasons. -first of all, women athletes. let's fucking go!!! -second of all, we get things like two fiancees playing on the same team (on the same line!!) and celebrating together when they score a goal. -third of all, women's hockey has traditionally had a different ruleset from men's hockey to discourage the more...violent aspects of the sport. but the PWHL...has been honestly violent af so far, at least from the highlights i've seen. could be that hitting is still against the rules, but seems like the refs don't really give a shit, so the games are bloodthirsty lol -fourth, and perhaps most importantly, it is super easy and convenient to watch the PWHL. they stream every (!) game on their youtube channel for free!

for more info on the season schedule and how to watch, look here.

also, speaking generally, i'll probably be reblogging some pwhl content on tumblr so you can peep some of the people i'm reblogging and poke around until you find a team or player you like! :)

OK THAT'S IT SORRY FOR THIS LONG ASS POST I JUST WANTED TO ACTUALLY DO YOUR QUESTION JUSTICE, HOPEFULLY I DID AN OKAY JOB!! PLEASE ENJOY YOUR HOCKEY JOURNEY!!!!!!!!!! <3

#long post #sorry y'all #asks #yeddeongies #hockey #!!#hockey au #wheel snipe celly

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sad-leon · 1 year

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Hello again!

I did this lil silly survey a long while ago :)

I wanted to ask if you would mind to answer a few of my questions again :3

If not, that's totally fine! No pressure!

How many hours do you sleep per night?

How many hours are enough to get through the day and how many are a lot for your standard?

Is caffein (in any form) part of your morning routine or your 'last resort'?

How do you feel over the day before and after consuming caffein (if you consume any)?

For example: sluggish, foggy, awake, exhausted, grumpy, just tired, etc.

Thank you a lot for (maybe) participating!

If you want, I can add you when I post the results, but I can also leave you out :)

oooh more questions! i love answering questions!

Lately I've gotten about and average of 5-6 without melatonin, but with melatonin i get about 7-9

I'm always exhausted, but I get manic with only 2-3 hours and can do a bunch of stuff, but crash hard like 5 hours later. Anything less than 5 usually means I take an hour - two hour nap (whether i want to or not lol)

I've tried caffeine twice... it is not a part of my routine in any way.

My most recent experience with caffeine was a coffee that ended up with me staying awaye for 48 hours, then sleeping for 15... I think i tried drinking a bit of the coffee for the rest of the week, but it didn't have any effect.

I do drink ice cold water when I'm really eepy to shock me awake lol

I am curious about the results 👀

#rambles #asks #more eepy asks!#the only change to my sleep schedule is that i'm sleeping at night again alsdkfjs

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eusuntgratie · 1 year

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Okay updates on my hockey ~descent~

I've been reading a bit of bennguin and that was pretty good, I've been looking at some vids and I swear when Tyler got into a fight after someone took a cheap shot at Jamie 😭 like why do I care so much about that?? Anyway I have also just finished reading closed fracture by lightgetsin and it was so lovely <3 so looking for some more recs for sidgeno if you have them! (also why are there (((( all over the place sometimes? I've seen a few in fics and in tweets?) I do really like the Penguins logo and jerseys so maybe I'll follow them closer when things get moving a bit more, its the off season now right? Some other ships I'm a fan of is sterek from teen wolf, Sirius/Remus from hp, Macdennis from iasip, steve/bucky - just pretty basic ones lel 😬

oooooh i'm so excited to answer this okay okay. thank you for the update i love this!

tyler seguin is everyone's favorite slutty bisexual. go bananas in his tag (just #tyler seguin or #seguin) on tumblr and you'll find some great shit. that ship doesn't get as much attention anymore bc benn isn't fandom's favorite. i don't know enough about the stars to know all the reasons, but he did a very dirty and unneccessary hit on the vegas golden knights captain in the playoffs this year and that was enough to make me not like him. i can rec some stars blogs if you want - they are a great team with a solid fandom presence and a lot of young amazing players. and they have seggy :)

um, if you love boys being overprotective on the ice, i can definitely give you some pens moments but ALSO you should look into tknp (travis konecny/nolan patrick). i think i have a #protective tk tag on here you can browse bc the boy goes batshit insane anytime someone touches his boy. one of the big reasons a lot of us fell for that ship. you don't have to be a flyers fan to love them; tk is a fandom darling bc he's so tiny and fighty and wonderful.

also, any decent player is very protective of their goalie, so if you love that dynamic, you might enjoy some defenseman/goalie pairings or there's just some fun clips and gifs out there. i'll try to reblog some stuff for you. give my poor followers a break from the rwrb posting and tzp thirst 😂

DON'T GET ME STARTED ON SIDGENO OH GOD. okay i'll reblog a few posts for them because the things they say about each other are just. alright. you're in love. we get it. okay.

King and Lionheart is the fic that made me fall for sidgeno. There is an excellent podfic available as well.

I could give you a billion sidgeno recs and writers and blogs to follow. What kind of fic do you like? Fluff? Whump? PWP? Kink? ABO? Monsterfuckery? Sidgeno is the most popular hockey rpf ship at least by numbers on ao3; we got it all, baby! I read a lot of angst and porn, so I don't want to throw a bunch of recs at you without knowing what you like :)

((( and )))))))) are russian smileys... so you're probably reading Geno texting. So instead of texting (or tweeting - you can see these in some of his old tweets): i'll be there soon :) he would text i'll be there soon )))

we ARE in the offseason but hockey comes back (relatively) soon. preseason games (exhibition games that don't count towards playoff standings) start at the end of september and the season kicks off in October. The Penguins season opener is vs the Chicago Blackhawks which should be a VERY fun game to watch, bc Chicago drafted Connor Bedard this year, one of the best hockey prospects since Sid himself. Bedard is insanely talented and we are all very eager to see how he does in the NHL. Sid was Bedard's favorite player growing up (he is so many players' favorite player growing up) and they've met and they are both very sweet boys and anyway it will be an interesting game.

Stucky was my first ship since really diving into fandom and I spent a ton of time in Teen Wolf fandom! There's a ton of teen wolf on my ao3, mostly sterek, but i mostly write hockey these days.

feel free to keep sending me questions! there's a lot to learn when you first dive into hockey but i love the sport and love this fandom!!

#fightmillk #ask grace #i'll reblog some stuff for you!

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not-poignant · 2 years

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Lately I have been trying to learn more about story structure and have been rereading books I've enjoyed while trying to pay attention to the structure specifically. I reread The Gentle Wolf and was just wondering, if you don't mind answering, is structure something you make a point to think about along with character/plot while you're planning out novel-length projects, or is it more something that happens instinctually for you?

Hi anon,

Tbh the answer for both things is kind of true when it comes to novels? I've talked a lot in the past about how I use a 3-act structure, and A/B/C storylines, so you only need to go back into the pia on writing tag to see some of those posts that have more of an explanation.

But I also generally speaking look at wordcount. I work out that I want to write a 90k story (give or take 10k words) - which is a standard novel). I generally divide that number by 4.5k (average chapter length, give or take 1000 words) and that leaves me with knowing exactly how many chapters I have to tell my story in.

From there, I mostly focus on having each chapter not be too 'busy' (i.e. focus around one major scene. The only exception are what I call 'transitional' chapters, where time gets super non-linear and I just skip ahead through a bunch of smaller scenes), and cleanly getting through my plot points as much as possible. In the chapter plan, everything is extremely short-handed. An example of my The Gentle Wolf chapter plan looked like this (copy/pasting from my chapter plan):

AODHAN

Thomas visiting Little Star. Aodhan happy to see him. They chat, and Aodhan realises he likes Thomas (or has known for a while) but that it’s been 2 years and he’s probably missed the mark. Thomas expresses needing information for his museum and because Aodhan wants to establish more of a connection, he suggests his grandfather.

THOMAS

Thomas meets Aodhan at Iona’s house. Iona treats Aodhan badly and Thomas feels bad. Wonders how this is connected to Aodhan’s ‘absences.’ The information Aodhan has is good. Thomas marvels because he has zero connection to his own wolf family, as he was put up for adoption. Aodhan mentions loving shifting, asking if Thomas would ever do it with him, but Thomas redirects: ‘I don’t like the loss of control.’

AODHAN

Aodhan with Hunter, shifting, chatting about Thomas. Hunter says Aodhan should just tell Thomas that he likes him. Aodhan gets a call, and leaves to see his father. Later he lays in bed and decides the worst thing about him isn’t that he’s demisexual.

(These are chapters 1-3 - Tumblr's formatting is weird and I don't want to touch it, lol).

The entire chapter plan is 1000 words, and one or two chapter descriptions are only one sentence. When that happens, it means I know around that point I'll need 'more' but can't figure out what I need yet at the beginning of the story. I leave those chapters as kind of empty spots for me to put any extra stuff in that might be relevant at the time.

But anyway you can see from chapter 1 we establish the unrequited aspect of Aodhan's feelings for Thomas, as well as Aodhan's workplace, and Aodhan's family as historically significant. In chaptaer 2, we meet Aodhan's family, and we learn more about Thomas' issues with shifting. In chapter 3, we learn that Aodhan is struggling over whether or not to tell Thomas he likes him, etc.

The Gentle Wolf actually had pretty slow / gentle pacing on purpose. But I tend to go with chapter plans like this because I just want bare bones of the events that are happening, or the emotionally significant events. I've got friends who write really long chapter plans (they're basically just writing a skeleton draft), but I've always done it this way - leave them as short as possible, focus on how to make these basic points powerful.

I don't chapter plan most of what I write, and the more complicated a story is, the less likely I am to plan it out (with the exception of The Ice Plague). The reasons for that are that I've had 9 years of practice writing serials, and I actually feel like I'm stronger at winging it and creatively figuring my way out of dead ends, than I am at pre-planning a story. So that's where the 'both' part comes in. I will also throw out an entire chapter's description if I think of something better as I'm writing the story.

I would say overall structure is pretty innate in the sense that...I've read thousands of books. I've watched thousands of TV episodes and hundreds of movies. I've read thousands of fanfics over the years. And I've done university-level courses in Scriptwriting and Creative Writing. There's so many different ways to look at story structure (3 act? 5 act? 9 act? etc.) I am a character first writer always, for better or worse, and I am mostly just interested in following characters through a story.

I try and avoid reading too many books on 'how to write' but I do like Dan Harmon's Story Circle technique (I learned about it late though, not at the beginning) and I feel inspired by the way Studio Ghibli tells a story, and many fanfiction writers that I love reading. I also find books written by writers tend to be extremely rigid and 'do it this way or else' (which is annoying when you realise they're all teaching you different ways), and a little (or a lot - in the case of Stephen King) ableist. So I avoid em! I'm the first person to say I'm not a great writer, but I like what I write, and since the great writers aren't writing specifically for me (not enough hurt/comfort, not enough angst, not enough BDSM, not enough diversity, not enough sitting with characters as they just talk about stuff and figure stuff out, not enough non-sexual touch, etc), I figured I'd fill that gap ;)

If someone wants to be a successful author, I don't think they should write like me, so...I'm just going to leave on that parting note, lol. There's a lot of other authors doing it better out there, just be wary of anyone who says that their way is the best and/or only way.

#asks and answers #pia on writing #the gentle wolf #pia foxhall #perth shifters #the gentle wolf got criticised a bit for having pacing that was too slow #but i wanted it to be a slow and gentle story (hence the name)#so it's like... i think the criticism is valid #but i also think if i went back i wouldn't make it faster paced #i sometimes think there's something fundamentally wrong with what i like in a story vs what other people like in stories #but i'm trying to think that way less #because i know a lot of y'all feel the same way #and there's nothing wrong with you for liking what you like #therefore i don't think there's anything wrong with me either #asdklfjdsa but it's still frustrating lol #conventional novels actually make me pretty angry these days #some of the most lauded ones out there in SFF i'm like *angry face* at because i just #don't understand why we spend so little time with the characters and their growth and development #and i don't understand why lyrical descriptions of setting are now more important than like hurt/comfort dsalkfjasdfdas

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cipher-fresh · 2 years

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random asks just for fun, no pressure to answer <33

do you have any ocs? feel free to talk about them!!

what are your favorite movies? how about comfort movies, if they're different?

what's something you own that you think is really neat?

free space to share/promote any works that you've made !! have you made anything recently?

favorite smell in the world?

1. I have 3 main ones-

a Star Trek one that, as time goes on, is less and less of a self-insert: a Starfleet Captain named Adriel Kelfade. She’s an original species because I really wanted a species with wings.

a Doctor Who one, a future version of the Doctor. I call him the Sunflower Doctor and I wanted to use him as a general thing for DW stuff, so I didn’t have to worry about characterization for a particular Doctor. Designing an outfit was fun, and I also made him Hispanic because I’m predictable

From my own original story that’s 2 years old now is Vinra Arquiel, a 13-year-old boy who develops pyrokinesis. My thesis with him is presenting a healthy masculinity in young male character- he can cry, apologize, he’s open with his feelings, friendly, helpful and eager. My pinned post right now is art of him dancing with his back turned to the camera.

Specific asks about any of them to help me think and develop them more are fun

2. My favorite movies include The Lego Movie, Everything Everywhere All At Once, Upgrade, Into the Spider-Verse, Star Trek: Beyond, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Shazam!.

Comfort movies in my mind are like, eat-ice-cream-on-the-couch movies so the more comedic ones would be comfort movies- as funny as EEAAO is, if I was upset and watched this movie, I’d probably be thinking about relationship with my mom.

3. I have a BIG asexual flag on my wall over my bed- it’s angled a bit oddly but I think the dog more then makes up for it

[ID: A small white and brown dog standing with an asexual flag in the background. /End ID]

4. I’ve posted a few things on my AO3 in the last weeks, and I’m pretty proud of everything I’ve posted this year. I wrote a death scene for Ice Pick Joe that added to the Goncharov Google doc, and I even saw in a screenshot on YouTube yesterday. I think I’m most happy with my Doctor Who one, it’s my shortest one.

5. For some reason, I really love the smell of gasoline? If we pull up to a gas station to refill the car I’ll open the window. I’m not really a scented candle person so I don’t have favorites in a row or something. My sibling on the other hand has a bunch of scented candles and every few weeks a new one will waft around the house

#updates from cipher #image

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wndaswife · 2 years

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hi rae <3

i’ve come to realise that our last few talks were about me!

so i wanted to know more about u!!!

i remember reading once that u live in Canada? right?i assume it’s very cold there! r there a lot of moose around? we don’t have those here in new zealand. i think they brought them over but they went extinct :(

do u have hobbies? play an instrument?

oh! i seen u reblogged the post for a anonymous message saying what we think of u!!

sooo i’ll do it while i’m hereeeee

i feel u r a very warm person. u probably pay attention to the very last detail. your blog reminds me of the warmth from a campfire if that makes sense. i bet ur a very attentive listener. i like how u respond to anons and stuff because it feels u actually read what they said and took the time to responded accordingly. i find u very funny and omg ur writing!! very well done. trying not to overkill here but ur vv cool.

anyways i hope ur well <33

hello!!! :> we did talk about you in our last talks but there's nothing bad about that, though im happy to tell you anything you wanna know about me!! <3 im really rambling here too it's rly early and i have a lot of energy so this is a forewarning !!!

yep i live in canada!! it's relatively cold but not colder than other places that get regular winters and stuff. i live in the very south part of canada so im a bit warmer here, tho vancouver and especially the north like nunavut and yukon are very cold, so i also see why the entirety of canada is generally viewed as colder than most places

which actually may or may not be true idk but where i am it's not soooo bad, except we do get pretty intense winters here and there. actually this winter a lot of people in my region had a bunch of power/heat outages etc etc for a few days, so winters r usually very cold.. is that normal for people outside of canada?? like on average? 🧐 there is a funny stereotype where we live in igloos and stuff LOL in quebec there's a huge winter festival where people can go to ice hotels and stay there, and those desserts where people pour maple syrup onto snow and eat it is actually real tho i've never tried it

hehehehe that's funny about the moose 😭 i've never seen one!!! i think it's also a popular idea that there r a lot of moose! not around where i live but more secluded nature-y parts of canada, which is mooooost places i think?? i have a bit of an uneducated view maybe because i've always lived around toronto which is very city-like. they're huuuuugeee actually and run super fast god i would wanna see one in person but keep my distance for sure. i have a friend from new zealand! i've never talked to anyone from there before him and his accent was a real mix of things i thought, never imagined i'd hear scottish and australian sounding accents in one person! my friend and i were just talking about how weird it is how there r animals all over the world, like cats in russia or bunnies in egypt or something,, like how did y'all get there for real what are u even doing there (i mean the answer is obvious but it's a slightly weird thought)

ummmm hobbies ah i like to read and write uuuuhhhmm i like graphic design! like i used to do it on adobe photoshop tho i haven't done it in a while, i like to swim (even though it's very rare that i get to) and no i don't play any instruments! took piano lessons for a few months (ish?) before tho. what about you? do you play instruments and what r your hobbies?

thank you so much for saying that T_T that's really really nice of you to say and i think i do make an effort to put that energy across sometimes, it's just nice to be kind and it makes me rly happy to imagine being able to make people feel seen and comforted! i personally really value comfort as well :D ehehe thank u for saying you think im funny that's very sweet and im glad, i think sometimes my humour may not rly reach people 😭 😭 i think you r a really cool and very lovely person too <33

im doing well yes!! thank u for checking in and i hope you've been doing alright too 💓💓💓💓

#rae responds #anon

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ghostonly · 2 years

Text

FTM Top Surgery Q&A - Installment #2

1-Week Post-Op Recovery and Progress

Welcome to installment #2! If you're new here, I'm currently working on a Q&A / Series combo where I outline my experience with FTM top surgery as a large, disabled guy with ADHD and low income. I'll also answer any questions sent in to me. Currently, I haven't received any questions. If you have any now or when you're done reading this post, feel free to send them to me. I'll be taking questions all the way until May of 2023, when the series should be wrapping up.

If you want to know more about the series, check out the announcement here or visit the installment masterlist here.

For this second installment, I'll be covering the first week post-op, what it was like, what changed, and so on. There will be progress pictures included.

Content Warning: There are photos under the cut showing incision sites from as early as a couple of days after surgery. If you're squeamish or triggered by blood, scars, wounds, bruises, or just a generally beat-up looking part of the body, I recommend skipping to a later installment.

If anyone is interested in reading my notes without looking at pictures, please let me know and I'll copy the commentary to a new post with the images excluded.

This installment should be the longest of the bunch, since it introduces so much starter information. If the length is overwhelming, fear not; the others won't be as big.

So to start, here's me after I got home! Very tired and sore

Sore Throat

The worst part of the first few days home after surgery was the sore throat from the breathing tube. The best remedy for this was drinking tea constantly. I kept a bit of a side-bar on my bed with a folded up blanket where I had my med basket and set up a hard surface to keep drinks on and this spot was occupied by a glass of hot tea about 90% of each day and night.

I know a lot of people prefer cold on a sore throat over hot but, looking it up, I found a couple places saying warm fluids are more helpful in the long run. I found this to be true. Ice cream felt amazing in the moment because the cold numbed the area, but the hot tea relaxed my throat and made the soreness go away longer.

Pain Levels

I was on oxycodone-acetaminophine for the rest of the pain and it worked pretty well. Everyone I told about this (3 others who had had top) was like, "Oh, they gave you the good stuff," and then went on to say that they hadn't used the pain meds as long as they were allowed to, which I did not understand.

My pain levels after surgery seemed to be a lot higher than those of my friends who had had top done. The original prescription of pain meds was enough to last about 3-4 days and they gave me a second prescription as well. All in all, I was on those meds for about a week and I was in misery when I had to go off of them the following Wednesday. If this ends up being your experience, ask your doctor if there's a pain medication halfway between opioid and over-the-counter that they can prescribe. Mine prescribed me a synthetic opioid called tramadol. I was too late to pick it up for it to be there when I needed it, which is why I wish I'd known to ask for this ahead of time.

My pain levels were manageable, but not pleasant, even on the pain meds. Aside from my throat, the worst pain was actually the drain exits, followed by the nipple bolsters, then the incisions. I'll get to these in more detail in a moment.

The Compression Binder

After surgery, you get wrapped up in a compression binder. I think there are other types of post-op binders, but mine is plain white with one vertical end lined in about 2 inches of velcro (so it's strong and won't come undone)

Most doctors insist you wear this for a month post-op, ~24-hours a day, but some say 2 weeks or 6 weeks. It depends on what doctor you go to. Mine wants me to wear mine 6 weeks. By the end of week 2, I was about 90% sure I was not going to do this, but now that my drains are out, I think I probably will. More on that in the 3-4 week installment.

The Drains

While there are some cutting edge top surgeons who will operate without using drains, they're still the default.

Post-op drains are basically rubber bulbs with a thin, squishy, rubber tub that runs in through the skin and into the surgery site to collect fluids. This is because your body is pissed that it's been fucked with in this particular manner and sends all kinds of water and shit to collect there, presumably in an effort to heal it faster (which it doesn't).

The content of the drains has to be measured daily, which is a pain in the ass but, ultimately, not a big deal. They give you a little sample cup with measuring marks on the sides.

To measure the fluid output, you just pop the top off the bulb (the container at the end of the drains) and pour it into the sample cup. After checking the amount on the side, you dump it into the toilet. Then you repeat with the other bulb and write down the output on a piece of paper.

My doctor said that when I got to less than 10cc of output from each in a 24 hour period, I could get the drains out.

First Follow-Up - 24 Hours

Brutal as it is to make someone leave the house just under 24 hours after surgery, the first follow-up was the next day.

This follow-up, as annoying as it was to leave for, was exciting because it meant getting to take the binder off for the first time. They had me come in and lie down on a long exam chair (think something like a dentist's chair) and undid the binder.

There was a bunch of gauze packed in it from right after surgery, which I was told I could remove. They also told me that, if I wanted to, I could put on a shirt under the binder to help pad things and create a barrier between my skin and the binder (which is kind of rough and unpleasant).

With the gauze removed, here's what it looked like (taken the next day)

About the Pain Sites

I'll call each area affected by the surgery a pain site and cover what each is and what sucks about it in order of most to least suckiness.

Drains

So, the first pain site is caused by the drains. Generally, the only painful part of them is the exit hole. The drain tube is really soft and flexible, so it's not much of a bother where it's sitting inside. In fact, you generally won't feel it at all unless you squeeze out the drain tubes and create a suction, which can kind of sting. The drains run along the bottom of each pec, near where the stitches/scar are. They run all the way back, under the arm, and exit through a separate hole there. You can see in the image above where it's hanging from the exit hole.

The drain exit gave me a bitch of a time. First off, try your best not to accidentally pull on it like I did. I was conscious of this the whole time I had them in but, a few days after surgery, I lifted my arm, not realizing it was under the tube, and pulled on it a bit. The reason this sucked is because, at the exit hole, there is a stitch tightly looped through the skin and around the drain tube to keep it from coming out. You can imagine how good that felt :)

For the first week, the drains got progressively more and more irritated because your body isn't really a fan of having a hole in it that's not allowed to heal.

The most important part of keeping the drains from being a (pretty literal) thorn in your side is to ensure they're kept pointed back so that they're not pulling on the exit in a different direction than they're running. I used bandaids and then medical tape to tape them down. That way, if the tube tried moving downward, it would pull on the tape and not the exit hole.

Nipple Bolsters

The next pain site is the nipple bolters. These are the thick bits of padding that are stitched onto the nipples to protect them. They're both kind of hard and have stitches running through them to the perimeter of the nipples.

These aren't too bad. The really irritating part of them was that, because they stick out further than everything else, they're the first thing to pull when the binder moves. So, if you twist your core, the binder will want to stay in place and your nipples want to move with the body, creating some drag. This will tug at the stitches and hurt, limiting your core movement.

The other annoying thing is that, again, because they stick out further than everything else, the pressure from the binder pushes them in pretty hard. I was worried this would leave my nipples indented or something but it doesn't.

Incisions

Finally, there are the incisions. These are actually the least troublesome part of healing for the first week. They're pretty numb.

These are stitched with dissolving stitches on the inside and taped shut on the outside. In the picture above, it's hard to see, but there's a clear tape about 2 inches wide going from one end of each incision to the other. This tape is very very strong. It's like a solid piece of adhesive with mesh running through it. There's no apparent backing to it so it's sticky and obnoxious and stays there for a couple weeks.

Near the end of the first week, I started to regain some feeling in the scar area, mostly in twinges. If I moved too far or used my chest muscles too much, I'd get these tight pains. Otherwise, they weren't really notable. I was much more focused on the drain exit pains, since the exits really ached.

Range of Motion

So I was told by most people that you can't lift your arms past your chest for like a month after surgery, and this wasn't the case for me.

I'm not sure if this is because my skin functions and stretches differently because of the probable EDS, or if it's something else. I was able to lift my right, upper arm to about 120 degrees. Adding in the fact that I've got a whole forearm attached to that, I had a lot more reach than I thought I would. The key is just stretching very slowly so that if you hit a limit you notice right away. My left arm was slightly more limited for some reason - possibly because the incision seems to go back farther on that side.

Within a couple days of surgery, I was even able to put regular shirts on and off. The key to this was that the shirts I was putting on were either stretchy or a bit oversized, so they made up for what my range of motion lacked.

Movement

Another thing I wasn't sure what to expect on was how much I'd be able to move. It turned out, I could move quite a bit. It was the little movements that you can't really avoid that caused discomfort or twinges of pain. Getting out of bed and going to the bathroom and whatnot was no big deal as long as I didn't like, yeet myself out of bed.

Keeping a hand pressed to my chest for stability was helpful as well. The biggest thing is just making slow motions. Large motions that jostle things around is what leads to pain.

Binder Management

I had a bit of a hard time with the binder as someone with a belly and with asthma, so here's what I took from that.

Tightness and Position

For the first week, I don't think I had the binder tight enough. This was fine, generally, because the nipple bolsters prevented the chafing from causing any actual damage (even if it was uncomfortable).

I thought I had it tight enough because it felt snug, but I later realized that making it even tighter prevented some of the binder movement and chafing that was causing me trouble with my drain exits and bolsters. Part of the reason I didn't put it tighter was because of the size and position of it. I experimented with this a lot and have got some great advice for you.

The experimenting I did with the binder mostly had to do with folding it in different ways. The trouble with wearing something that goes down your torso when you have a belly is that your belly is pushing upwards on it. So, any time I sat up, it was pushing upwards on my chest and trying to move things that I didn't want moved.

The kind of binder I was given is made up of 4 panels that are sewn together. You can see what I mean in the first picture. These panels are sewn together with a lot of thread, but the thread is kind of weak, so it can easily be bent at those areas.

Folding one of the panels up made my shape less of an issue. However, there was still enough of the binder overlapping my stomach to cause discomfort when sitting. So, next I folded it in half. Trying to fold it in half upward was kind of difficult and would have ended up with the open side of the fold toward my face, which seemed irritating. Instead, I figured out how to fold it in half downward, before putting it on, overlapping the sides to secure it, then pulling up the top layer of the non-velcro side before securing the velcro.

I'm not going to try explaining that better because, in the end, it doesn't matter. The better method was, after okaying it with my doctor, cutting the entire thing in half the long way. Now I have, basically, two binders that are both only wide enough to cover my chest instead of chest and stomach. I also cut about 6 inches off the non-velcro end because it was a bit too long to secure tight enough with ease.

With a more narrow binder that covers just my chest, and a bit shorter so that I can easily secure it much tighter, I now have less chafing and less interference from other body parts.

The important thing when gauging tightness is to make sure you can easily fit a hand under it. If you can pull it out a bit, that's also good, as it means more expansion for your lungs and also the ability to adjust it while you're wearing it.

Asthma

So, my asthma is triggered by all kinds of stuff, including pressure on my chest and lying on my back. So, wearing a binder and lying on my back 24/7 after surgery was really great! :)

I was coughing almost nonstop for the first few days, both from asthma and from the sore throat. If you have asthma or have had asthma in the past, and don't have an inhaler, get one before you have surgery. If anything is going to bring it back up again, this is probably it.

If you don't think you have asthma, I would like to inform you that asthma is not the way it's portrayed dramatically in TV. Your throat doesn't just close off like you're going into anaphylaxis.

These are symptoms of regular asthma:

Wheezing or crackling sounds when breathing (most common after physical exertion or breathing outside in the cold) These will not be noticeable if you're breathing more shallowly, which you will naturally do if you start to have asthma. To check for wheezing, take a deep breath and exhale forcefully.

Difficulty taking a deep breath without coughing

Pain in your chest when you try taking a deep breath

Difficulty breathing in cold air

Continued cough that you can't think of another cause for

Phlegm (this is made by your lungs to try and catch whatever triggered the asthma)

Stuffed up nose in combination with cough (I don't know if this is for everyone, but when I have asthma, one of the first signs to me is that my nose is hard to breathe through. I'll exhale hard to see if I'm wheezy and find I've been having asthma without realizing it.)

If you experience these things, talk to your PCP before surgery. Getting an inhaler is usually covered by insurance, including medicaid, and will be your best friend if you start having asthma attacks after surgery.

Specifically because of the amount of asthma I had the first few days after surgery, I think it might have been better that I didn't have the binder on tighter than I did. As time passed, the pressure from the binder and the lying on my back caused less asthma. I think part of the reason it was triggering it before was some kind of subconscious panic response from my lungs because the position and sensation were unfamiliar and my lungs thought something was terribly wrong. After the asthma stopped being so persistent from the pressure and position, tightening the binder a bit didn't pose a problem.

My biggest advice is this: make sure you breathe deliberately every once in a while. Every ten minutes or so, take a nice slow, deep breath. If the pressure from the binder is inhibiting your breathing, this will help keep your oxygen levels up. After the first couple days of trying to remind yourself to do this, you'll just start to remember naturally to pay some amount of attention to whether you're breathing enough.

Shirt Under Binder

After the first follow-up, I was told I'm allowed to take my binder off for repositioning or cloth-baths. The first thing I did when I got home was take it off, use alcohol prep pads to try getting rid of some of the sticky shit surrounding the incision tape (not the tape itself), and put on a tank top under the binder.

Putting on a shirt under the binder is like, so necessary imo. The binder I got is kind of a scratchy material, so having it directly on my skin was crap. Plus, I wanted another layer between the binder and my chest and nipple bolsters after the gauze bandaging was no longer there so that there was something for the binder to slide against without directly rubbing against the surgical site.

I chose to use some shirts that weren't my most favorite, in case they got blood or adhesive on them that wouldn't come out. I don't think there was any blood on them, but they did get sticky with adhesive. I don't think any of that stayed on after going through the wash though.

When the fabric gets sticky after a day or so of being shoved up against the sticky incision tape, it loses that additional movement it was adding. So instead of moving slightly when the binder rubs against it, the friction would cause the fabric to pull at the skin where it was stuck. That was my signal for changing my shirt.

Food and Drink

If you don't have a personal assistant who's going to cook for you and bring you things, you need to prep for what you'll eat ahead of time.

Accessible Foods

The biggest piece of advice I can give is to plan ahead with accessible foods. Have a variety of snacks, both sweet and salty, wet and dry, so that when you need something to eat and don't have the energy to put different things together, you have something appealing on hand. Keep them within reach of your bed.

If you have a shelf or table, put it beside your bed where it won't make getting up difficult. If you've got a large bed you're not sharing, consider making some kind of spot on a wall-adjacent side to set things. I did this by folding up a big blanket so it's about 1x4 feet and a few inches thick and laid it against the wall next to me. This gave me somewhere to set my meds basket, a couple snack containers, and a hard surface for setting drinks. (Just be careful if you intend to set open drinks here. Spilling something in bed after surgery is like, one of those things that would straight up give me a breakdown lmao)

Prepare foods ahead of time. I picked all the meat off of some rotisserie chickens as well as cleaned and sliced a ton of strawberries. The chicken I ate in tortillas with some shredded cheese and tomatoes. That was one of my favorite meals in the first week because it could be prepped in about ten minutes, sitting at the desk, and it didn't make any mess to eat in bed.

Other considerations are frozen meals, ice cream, fruit drinks with some amount of natural sugar to keep your blood sugar up when you don't feel like eating, and things you can eat on crackers, like tuna. Tuna Creations pouches are great for this.

Fluids

As far as fluids go, I recommend keeping a water bottle with you and just chugging that shit as often as you can. If you don't have a personal servant fetching you things, 100% keep some kind of big water vessels with you for refilling.

I like tropicana bottles because they have a wide opening so don't Glug when you pour from them. They're almost 2 liters. If you're going to get some juice to drink beforehand and harvest the bottles from as makeshift pitchers, I recommend going with orange juice. For some reason the taste doesn't get into the plastic as much as something like the strawberry peach juice. Just wash it with hot water after you're done and keep the bottle aside for later. Remember to keep the lid off if you plan to have it sitting in wait so it can dry and doesn't grow bacteria.

Keeping some large bottles of water nearby means not having to get up as much and, if you live with stairs, not having to go downstairs as much. Frankly, if you're disabled, highly recommend just keeping these around regardless of if you're recovering from surgery or not. I have a mini fridge, so I also have the added perk of keeping them cold.

Next up, hot tea. 100% if you enjoy any kind of tea at all, keep it around. I had a box of sleepytime tea (which I just drink because it's a good blend) and I used the entire thing in like 5 days. Tea for the first few days is a life saver because of the sore throat. Personally, I have an electric kettle that I keep in my room, so making tea is really easy. If you've got an electric kettle in your kitchen, move it to your nesting area and bring a bunch of hotcups or mugs with you.

If you don't have a microwave or kettle near where you'll be nesting after surgery, I recommend changing that, but I know not everyone has the money to throw down on new appliances.

If you live alone and have a free-standing microwave in your kitchen, it might be worth moving closer temporarily if you have things near your nest to heat up, like canned soup. This is especially true if you have a mini fridge near your nest. This is more likely to be helpful if you live on a different floor from the kitchen and have a mini fridge. If you're on the same floor and don't have a mini fridge (thus, keeping all of your cold food in the kitchen anyway), it's more likely to just make more work.

Fighting Constipation

Anesthesia causes constipation. Pretty sure opioid pain meds also cause constipation, but could be wrong. Either way, after surgery, your body will not want to shit.

If you don't enjoy putting chalk stool softener in your drinks, I highly recommend having some fruit prepared and some coffee on hand.

I know it's not a universal thing, but I'm one of those people who coffee makes shit. If you are too, keep some on hand and start drinking it in the days following surgery. Be sure to drink lots of other water to offset the diuretic effect of coffee.

As far as fruit, everyone works differently but, for me, a bunch of apples worked pretty well. I know it's probably not like, the most healthy choice, but I found out a week or two before surgery that eating a bunch of apples in one sitting would definitely get the desired outcome, somehow with no stomachache, which is a rarity for someone with my digestive issues. I thought they would give me a stomachache because apple juice does, but empire apples and caramel dip did nothing but move everything along. I'm talkin' 4 apples in one sitting.

It sounds like a lot but if you slice them all up and eat them as a meal, it's not as much as it sounds. For anyone smaller than me, I'd recommend more like 3, since 4 was pretty filling for me. Stool softening powder can kiss my ass, basically.

Healing Progress

Finally, now that I've gone through all of the details, here are a couple photos of the healing progress about 6 days after surgery, one from each side:

The tape is more visible in these two because it's got some remnants of kleenex stuck to it that I used to try preventing my shirt from sticking to it (yum, I know).

And a selfie of me where I am very happy to be flat (but still tired asf)

Conclusion

I think that's about all I can think of for week 1. Let me know if you have any questions!

Here's another link to the installment list if you want to see what else there is but don't want to scroll back up. Follow me or the #ghostsurgeryseries tag to keep up-to-date on the next installments! the 2-week progress installment should be done soonish~

#ftm #ftm top surgery #top surgery #trans #transgender #queer #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbt+#lgbtq+#surgery #q&a #transman #transmasc #ghostsurgeryseries

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