#BUT I’M NOT COMPLETELY SURE THIS WILL HAPPEN I’M MOSTLY PARANOID. and it’s possible i suppose

[sherbetyy]

uhhhhh btw if i randomly disappear from this site forever/deactivate my account out of nowhere and don’t respond to messages, don’t think i’m dead (unless i am but i highly doubt that). it’s hard to explain but yeah it might happen eventually. unfortunately.

[crazylittlejester]

Can we hear about "the other Wars"? 👀

ABSOLUTELY

i dont really have anything I can really share for this one, it’s in very rough shape and mostly just jotted down notes, but it’s the idea I mentioned ages ago about wanting to write a fic where Wars was a villain. And i dont mean just an asshole, I mean at some point in the war something happened and his need for control led him to believe the only way to save everyone and ever feel safe again was to gain as much power as physically possible and essentially do everything himself. in his mind he’s protecting the people of hyrule, but he’s actually become a dictator. and once he WINS the war and defeats ganon and cia and everything is over, he can’t let that power go because it makes him feel safe and it’s all he can rely on, and he’s taken over the kingdom at that point and Lana, Zelda, Impa and all the others have literally had to leave because they can’t get rid of him from right next to him and he sees them as threats. And he just grows more and more paranoid that people are going to take his “safety” away so he becomes a worse and worse person. But in HIS mind he’s doing it to protect people he loves and also himself, because his fear has made him selfish but he’s unable to see that. its not that he doesn’t still care about the others, because he DOES, but his perception of reality has been so fucked up and twisted he can’t comprehend the harm he causes

HOWEVER: REGULAR GOOD OL WARS IS ALSO JUST THERE IN THIS FIC. THERES TWO OF THEM. Because Evil Wars ended the war HOW he did, the timeline didn’t heal, so he’s in his own timeline continuing to fucking suck, and a portal spits out the chain in THAT era. So Regular Wars and Evil Wars will at some point comes face to face

and the whole point of this fic is that I want to highlight that YES, (Regular) Warriors is a deeply traumatized character who’s terrified of betrayal and just wants to feel safe and to protect others, and yes sometimes his fear and his worry can come across as him being harsh to the others, but he is not cruel. He was never cruel, not at any point in his game. His over confidence does not equate to him being unkind, in his game he got a bit of an ego, sure, but he was a kid and he learned his mistake. His trauma does not make him abusive, he IS a kind and caring person, and he chooses to be one despite all he went through because he has compassion for others and lives his life serving the kingdom and its people that he loves so much

…basically i’m petty and i hated seeing so much of Asshole Wars that I decided I was going to create Evil Wars but STILL make him human and not completely cold hearted. DONT GET ME WRONG EVIL WARS STILL FUCKING SUCKS, but also he exists (in part) to highlight the gentleness and love Regular Wars treats others with, EVEN when he’s stressed and/or scared. Because Wars is not a fucking asshole and shouldn’t be used to create more angst for the other members of the chain and i lose a year off my life every time i see that happen thats my biggest pet peeve like yeah sure its your fanfic do whatever you want but oh my god im falling to my knees and screaming at the sky

[kivaember]

i wanna write a oneshot about the yaoi bench in smtvv so here's a rough teaser for it:

-

While Da’at didn’t have a climate as such, it did have periods of atmospheric unrest, of sorts. With so many powerful demons traversing across the land like ponderous Category 5 hurricanes, it was inevitable that the sheer power they emitted would clash against each like makeshift air currents. Winds would pick up, whipping the fine sand of Da’at into a lethal whirlwind that could leave cuts even on the Nahobino’s armour. When these events happened, Rin would be forced to hurry to the closest leyline and vanish into what he called ‘Demon Haunts’: the few oases within Da’at.

This ‘oasis’ was nothing more than a crevice between two half-collapsed skyscrapers, leaning against each other to create a facsimile of a lean-to, chunks of cracked cement function as makeshift seats… for the few demons Rin had in his employ. For Rin himself, there was an actual bench, sitting innocuously within the shade of the half-collapsed skyscrapers, despite the fact that its presence made no real logical sense.

Rin didn’t think too deeply on it. Da’at was a little weird at times, its layout not a 1:1 match to Tokyo in its prime. Aogami theorised that the nature of Da’at meant that distance shrank or expanded randomly in places because of… uh, netherworld space fuckery, which then fucked up Netherworld Tokyo’s map by adding lots of dead space, or jumbling up two locations into one, resulting in benches being in places they shouldn’t be.

(Well, Aogami hadn’t said those exact words, but that was what Rin had read between the lines of ‘superstring theory’ and ‘Calabi-Yau manifold’.)

That was all Rin needed to know, and he had sat on enough of these benches to rule them out as sneaky Venus Flytrap styled demons waiting to consume him whole (anything is possible in Da’at). So, as his few demons found their own comfy spots within the shelter of the leaning skyscrapers, the gaps between them showing nothing but a howling sea of cutting sand, Rin beelined for the bench.

“Ugh,” Rin groaned as he flopped onto said bench, his body tingling from the lingering aftershock of his separation from Aogami. His nerves always felt prickly for a few seconds, electrified almost, like his entire nervous system had experienced an unpleasant but harmless static shock. “Tired…”

“Because you’ve been pushing yourself,” Aogami murmured. “This is your first rest since we arrived in Da’at today.”

Rin opened his eyes from when he’d instinctively closed them, peering up at Aogami from beneath his eyelashes. His partner was standing in front of him, rather than taking up his usual position behind the bench or sitting beside him, and his expression was set into that of a concerned frown, a faint downturn to his mouth and a furrow in his brow, his golden eyes alight with keen focus as he scrutinised him.

It made him feel… Rin wasn’t sure what he felt, really. He didn’t like people looking at him so intently - his skin usually crawled - but beneath Aogami’s gaze… it was different. He felt his stomach tighten and his pulse jump a bit, but not from anxiety - nerves, maybe? But not in a bad way.

Er, mostly. Rin knew he wasn’t exactly well put together right now. He had sand everywhere, and there were definitely sweat patches on his school jacket (he could feel the shirt stick unpleasantly to his back from sweat), and his hair was probably a complete mess too (windswept, sand). In direct comparison to Aogami who always looked utterly pristine, Rin felt so… grimy. He wasn’t much to look at, and he was paranoid that Aogami would realise that too, staring at him so closely.

“I guess,” he mumbled, finding himself a little tongue-tied. “Um, it’s okay, though. I feel tired but it’s normal tired… I’ll be fine after a few minutes.”

“I’m sure, but… please allow me to assess your vitals, for my own peace of mind,” Aogami said. He held out his hand slightly - unobtrusively, but the silent question was there.

Rin didn’t trust himself to speak, so he nodded instead, raising his left arm. Aogami gently grasped his wrist, and Rin was so viscerally aware of his touch - every millimetre of it, the warmth that hand carried - and swallowed thickly as Aogami gracefully knelt before him, nestled between his spread legs.

It was how demure Aogami looked, despite his size, despite his strength. Rin knew that if he felt like it, Aogami could probably pick him up like a kitten and swing him around as easily as one - yet he was so gentle with him, so- subservient wasn’t the right term, too skeevy, and neither was submissive, but it was - something along those veins. The fact that someone as big and strong as Aogami knelt at his feet and touched him with such gentleness and never once toed a boundary line without express permission, it was-

It ignited something in Rin he had no words for. He set the boundaries, and Aogami obeyed them. He set the pace, and Aogami diligently kept to it. He called the shots, and Aogami deferred to him, always. Despite his strength, despite his size, despite his experience, Aogami conceded everything to him. That understanding, that knowledge that Rin held this… not power, not sway… influence, it made a part of him he never knew existed before purr in satisfaction and want.

It also prompted his hormone-driven mind to conjure up certain thoughts not suitable for polite company.

“Hm…” Aogami’s fingers tenderly brushed against the inside of Rin’s wrist, where his veins were stark against his skin. Rin fought down a shiver, his breath hitching in his throat. “Your pulse is slightly elevated…”

Pure thoughts, Amagami, pure thoughts.

“I’m- it’s- I’m just catching my breath, still,” Rin half-stammered, almost wincing when Aogami glanced up at him with a piercing look. He was pretty certain his face was bright red. “That’s… that’s all.”

“I see…” Aogami said, not believing him in the slightest.

“And it’s hot here! You know, desert. Hot. Sun. Well, no sun here but, an approximate of it. Still hot.” Shut up. Shut up. Stop talking! “So that’s why. Yeah… yeah, that’s all…”

“Rin.” Oh. Oh no. That was unfair. Whenever Aogami said his name like that, it made Rin just putty in his hands (literally).

[neet0]

1, 7, 15 and 16 for the writer asks please?

1. give short descriptions of all your current WIPs.

Revelations (Hellsing) -- Christ it's impossible to summarize this epic well, so I'll just be glib: Alucard and Seras get their own happily ever afters, but they gotta earn that shit first. Leads in with a romance and bait-n-switches to epic fantasy. Lots of worldbuilding (mostly of the vampire world), reckoning with past trauma, and larger-than-life supernatural political strife. Remember, you can refuse The Call of Destiny, but The Call knows where you live!

Carolinas (Hellsing) -- After a spate murders, Seras goes to the South Carolina swamps to investigate and finds a vampire man living there. He's not the one killing everyone, but he knows who is. Romance ensues.

Nightcap (Hellsing) -- Short PWP one- to two-shot, Female Reader dares Alucard to come seek her out after he's all worked up from a successful mission, and finds out that a bloodlusting Alucard doesn't bluff.

Subtext of You (Stardew Valley) -- The angst of Revelations got to be too much so I made a sugar-sweet side project where Elliott and a shy Female Reader fall in love. There’s not really a plot here but I try to shoehorn one in.

Highway (Original Work) -- Narrator finds a gas station in the middle of the desert that appears to be open with people inside, but there are no cars anywhere in the lot. Squid Games/Lord of the Flies eldritch horror ensues.

7. what books have shaped the way you think about writing the most? why?

God, that’s a tough one. Overall I’m often inspired by the things I don’t see often in modern fantasy/sci-fi/horror, but there are certainly books I hold up as aspirational examples, such as the impressionist, avant-garde storytelling in Mark Z Danielewski’s House of Leaves and the simple but tense storytelling in tales such as Penpal by 1000Vultures. Ray Bradbury’s The Martian Chronicles was also a formative work for me, and I aspire to write simple but beautiful prose as well as he does. I’m probably a very long ways off but hey, it’s good to have goals, right?

I also have a number of really great writing references I own that have been invaluable.

15. what do drafting and revision look like for you?

Every story starts with an outline of the major plot points and maybe some scenes in between, if I have a really strong idea of what they look like. This part involves a lot of lengthy discussions with my beta to make sure everything makes sense.

Then on to the first draft. This part is the hardest for me. I basically try to shit out as many words as possible without stopping, starting with laying down the dialogue. Real utilitarian “just describe what’s happening” stuff, with no regard for the art of writing.

The magic is in the editing, of which there are many rounds. First round is go back and tweak physical action descriptions. Then another round to add narrative introspection. Then another round to add any narrative exposition, though I try to limit this. Then another round for setting description. Then another round to correct grammar, word choice, spelling. Then another round to correct for rhythm and flow (NaturalReader app is invaluable for this). Then I send it to my beta reader for corrections and suggestions, then incorporate those. Then a few more rounds because I’m paranoid. Then I get tired of fucking looking at it and kick it to publishing.

16. to what extent do you research for your writing?

Way too much. I’m one of those people who likes to try to put as much realism in my fantasy as I can, even for shit that probably no one will ever notice. Like really, just look at my recent posts. Calculated a whole ass lunisolar calendar for a fictional horoscope that may or may not be valid in-universe, because it’ll bother me if the timeline is off. My most recent Google search was how fast an elevator and a bullet train can travel, respectively, because I needed to calculate a realistic depth for the underground vampire city.

I can’t help it, though. It’s a labor of love.

[ink-on-the-brink]

Okay yes sorry for like putting in another but my goodness you’re great!! I hope it’s okay if I ask another but like, what would happen if the guys of your choice saw their partner hurt? Platonic or romantic up to you (:

No problem at all! Ideas are always welcome. Especially since I've had a bit of time on my hands! (aka I'm procrastinating on my other stories but shh)

Anyway! Here's Engie, Scout, and Soldier when their S/O is hurt because I put names onto a wheel and they popped up so yeah.

These are gonna be general headcannons that can be taken as either romatic or platonic.

Engie

If Hurt By Your Own Stupidity

Chances are you were messing around with a machine he told you not to touch.

If it's a small injury he'll scold you, telling you to listen to him next time. He won't help you. You have to learn your lesson somehow and if that means you have to drag your way to Medic, embarrassing yourself in the process, then so be it.

If it's a rather big injury he'll be rightfully angry. He's picking you up and carrying you to Medic with a string of mumbled curses at how stupid you had been and that you're lucky he was watching otherwise you might be dead. Even though he's angry you can still see the very clear concern on his face. Once you're all fixed up he's not letting you into his workshop for a while and becomes rather paranoid every time you have to.

He just doesn't want to see you hurt over a machine he built. He would probably never forgive himself if that's the way you ended up dying.

If Hurt By Something Else

Probably while helping him. Grabbing tools, maybe fixing up some wires if you're experienced enough.

Small injuries happen all the time. I mean you're messing around with electric wires and sharp objects here, it isn't exactly the safest thing. He always has an extra medkit in the room and won't hesitate to help you with a small cut or electric burn.

Larger injuries are an entirely different story. He goes blank, immediately carrying you to Medic. He won't leave until he knows you're 100% fine and afterward he'll be deathly quiet. You can see rather clearly that he blamed himself for you getting hurt and that he wasn't about to just forgive himself for it. Afterward he has a hard time letting you help again and finds excuses for you to do something else.

It might just be better if you stick to smaller ways of helping, not just for your own sake, but his.

If Hurt In Battle

If he sees it happen he knows it's better to ignore it. That's what happens in battle and at least during battle you guys have respawn. He'll most likely move his dispenser to where you are to help you out as best he can. He likely won't think twice about what happened...

That is unless whoever hurt you did so in a rather cruel way, enjoying seeing you in pain rather than working to complete an objective.

If that happens the person who harmed you becomes his main target. He won't compromise the battle with the urgency to kill them but it's pretty obvious that given the choice between them and killing anyone else, he'll choose them.

If he were to get close enough, and no one else is around, he'd hurt them and then just kinda sit there, letting them be in pain a moment while he maybe sets up one of his machines. If caught doing this he has about a hundred likely excuses. It was a Spy and he didn't want to deal with his dead ringer, he thought they were dead, another person came along that he had to deal with, pretty much never getting caught for doing it. Basically one of the only things that keeps him calm when he sees you hurt is the thought that he's going to make them suffer later.

Engie's a calm man but that doesn't mean he doesn't know how to dish out revenge or hold grudges.

If Hurt By Someone On The Team

Ooooh boy, this isn't going to end well.

It was most likely not meant to be you who got hurt. Being Engies right hand(or left hand rather)meant you always helped him to de-escalate fights. Which meant you were probably only hurt in the crossfire.

That, however, does not stop the anger flowing through Engies veins.

A small thing is enough to get him angry. He rarely yells but in that case he will, silencing everyone immediately before going on an absolute tirade about how stupid they were all being. At this point people would be shocked enough to stop, meaning the goal was achieved but not without some sacrifice.

If you get really harmed though...

Engie's a calm man but he has limits. That just so happens to be one of them. He won't even stop the fight. He's immediately taking you to get fixed up. It's afterward that the consequences come.

He will talk to whoever was involved alone. No one's sure what happens but no matter who ends up seeing that side of Engie they always come out a bit shaken up and not willing to talk about it, though seemingly unharmed.

It's likely to never happen but if it does everyone will become just a little bit more cautious when around him or you.

Scout

If Hurt By Your Own Stupidity

You were trying to toss a baseball as high as you could into the air and catch it to try and impress him.

If it only managed to hit just a little bit of sense into you, aka your throw is weak, then he'll most definitely laugh, telling you to leave it up to the professionals.

If you managed to knock yourself out because your toss was godly but your catch was dogshit then he'd burst out laughing for a good five minutes. It's only after his laughing fit that he thought to help you. You'd have to give him a matching bump to keep his mouth shut about it.

If Hurt By Something Else

You two were probably setting up a prank and something went wrong along the way.

If only a little hurt he'd hold in a laugh and ask if you were alright, to which you'd glare at his hidden grin and say you were fine.

If you were actually hurt he'd go into a bit of a panic, quickly bringing you to Medic. The two of you most defiantly had to lie to get away with what you two had been doing. Unfortunately you were both really bad liars. Medic wasn't convinced but he also didn't care, thankfully.

You'd often bring up how scared he looked when you got hurt every time he tried to act like he didn't care about you that much. It never failed to get his tongue stumbling.

If Hurt In Battle

He's not one to care about a few bumps and scratches. He'll likely tell you to try to be as tough as him(he saids as he calls for medic over a splinter). He sees his job more as a game then a battle so it's rare he holds a grudge against anyone. He's maybe a bit more competitive from that point foward but not obsessively so.

Larger injuries and he's quick (litteraly) to dive into the heat of battle to help. More than often he ends up dead beside you but when he does manage to save you he's super macho about it. He'll say stuff about how much you needed him and how you'd never survive a day without him Even though most of the times you're the one pulling him out of those situations...

Just let him have his moment.

If Hurt By Someone On The Team

It was most definitely because you had annoyed someone, most likely Soldier or Heavy. This happens quite often.

If it looks like you're winning the fight he'll cheer you on. No need for him to get involved if you've got it handled.

If something really starts to go down though, he's on your side. There isn't a time where only one of you was beaten to shit, it always had to be the both of you.

Soldier

If Hurt By Your Own Stupidity

You were trying to rocket jump.

Literally just...Why did you think you could do that?

A small injury and Soldier won't even acknowledge it. Be that a bloody nose or a sprained ankle he's going to act as if you were perfectly fine, mostly because he seldom felt pain anymore and he had a hard time trying to recognize it in other people.

If severely hurt he's most likely going to explain to you everything you did wrong and you'll have to either scream for Medic or wait until he carries you there after his lecture.

You do dumb shit you deal with the consequences.

If Hurt By Something Else

Likely a sparring match that got out of hand or possibly a malfunction of a rather precariosly built weapon.

A small injury and he isn't going to care. If you make a big deal out of it he'll tell you to 'man up' and deal with it though it's more so in good fun rather than antagonism.

A large injury though and he's quick to help. He's calling for Medic and asking you to count how many fingers he's holding up. You'll say three, he'll begin to panic, saying that you must have broken your eyes.

He was, in fact, holding up three fingers...

Just don't question it

If Hurt In Battle

Small injuries are victories to him. If you're not at least a little banged up then are you really in a war?

If you for some reason can't walk though he's the first person at your side. Doesn't matter how many bullets he takes as long as you're brought to safety. He'll say something to the effect of 'don't die on me soldier! No, I am not talking to myself!'

After you're taken care of it's revenge time. He's gonna rack up a killing streak, your injury giving him the last bit of encouragement to win the round most of the time.

If Hurt By Someone On The Team

Defending honor! Whether it's yours or his, you are there to defend it and if that means getting a bit rough in the process then so be it.

If you're less injured than whoever you're fighting then, like Scout, He's cheering you on with probably a few insults to the other person as well.

If it looks more like you're losing he's still not going to intervene. He believes in you! You've got this!

If you end up knocked out though he's going to beat the shit out of whoever it was that defeated you. For your honor! (And because he just likes a reason to beat people up)

[amnesiacwarden2]

So, questions about your Primal AU.

First, what sort of physical changes are there? We know Palina has tails, and it appears that Sabi has wings in your Braivary sketch, but I can't help but wonder.

Second, what sort of ending did you have in mind? I'd assume it involves quelling Primal Dialga and Primal Palkia, and hope it involves the Clans making peace with each other.

Third, what happens to the masks after a Warden recovers? Is it gone for good, do they keep it around? What?

Finally, what happened with Iscan and Palina? I've left my thoughts under the break if you're interested. Apologies in advance for the detail I go into, the two of them happen to be my blorbos so...yeah. Don't worry, I'm not going to contest whatever choices you make (especially regarding shipping), but my ideas do assume their canon pairing is maintained. (Hopefully I'm not making any incorrect assumptions about what you're thinking with her and Melli.)

As much as I hate to say it, I see no reason to think their relationship didn't take a turn for the worse when the Clans started getting at each other's throats. Not to the point where they'd kill each other, but enough that there would be arguing.

There's no way of telling how that'd impact them while Primal. After all, Violet either had his feeling about Adaman completely reversed - or just is angry because of that "I Told You So" moment you hinted at.

Admittedly, we only know Palina goes Primal - Iscan might not. Assuming that is the case, I'd imagine Vixen would be...curious, about the fish-man. And perhaps less aggressive towards him than other Diamond Clan members. Alternatively, if you want to go the angst route she could basically be hunting him down for...something.

It might also be that Palina didn't die from, well, inter-clan warfare but instead from the storm that claimed Lord Arcanine. No clue if Palkia was enraged back then, but if so then I think it'd be perfect. Maybe Vixen sorta-remembers how the weird fish man tried to save her? He's last on the "To Hunt" list for some reason, even if she doesn't know why. Dying from the storm could also explain why she's sequestered the young Lord away - fleeting memories of his near-death, tangled up with her own, could make her paranoid.

I also think that one of the key memories for Vixen to recover would be that storm. Whether it was killed her or not, Iscan saving her (or at least trying to save her) is a key point in Palina's life. Recovering that memory could be what leads to her finally remembering who she was. No idea if it'd be possible for both Iscan and Palina to end up Primal, but if so that would lead to interesting situations. Maybe they're constantly at each other's throats? Maybe they're reluctant allies? Maybe they have this odd flutter in their heart when they see each other?

Maybe they have to regain their memories together? Not sure how that'd work, but it would be a neat touch.

Admittedly if Palina DID die because of Iscan, I...honestly think Iscan should end up Primal also, likely because of Palina.

Either way, Vixen and/or Primal Iscan regain their memories, the relationship would start being repaired.

wow 0.0- I’m gonna be honest I wasn’t expecting this in an ask but I’m super happy you did this!! And I’m more than happy to answer!!

So for the first question physical changes are mostly minor like increased body size, sharper teeth, tough claws(feet and hands), and some fur, or in a serious case like Violet or Vixen the two both are capable of spewing out fire or poisonous smoke which is common to the species they try to copy. These effects stay behind but only much weaker than before like Melli randomly spewing small purple clouds when upset or Palina spitting little embers at people. For Brave(Sabi) however the wings are connected partially to the suit and can be disconnected at will (probably won’t be removed even after the events that transpire)

second question: The ending does involve Palkia and Diagla but Volo makes an appearance with his followers and uses Giratina to restrain the two to take over the spared who have lost themselves completely at this point because of two pretty major things 1) The gods are panicked and linking themselves to ALL of their spared which is like a summoning to them 2) Giratina is attempted to over take the two control but is unable to because of a third entity drawing their attention away…

third question: (personal favorite) The masks do remain even after the wardens recover but are only summoned if the warden relapses from a traumatic memory that occurs from a memory of the attack or something that happened before example): Sneasler trainer who attacked Melli and captured Skuntank causes a relapse and Violet/Melli (it was a combined effort) almost take him off the census permanently… The guy doesn’t make through the month from a slow acting poison that brought him immense pain and Violet/Melli refused to help him despite Adaman’s attempts (the relapse can cause both feral and human mind to merge and the two can speak to each other in public it is a very unnerving thing for the rest of the clan however and Violet takes advantage of this a lot-)

fourth question: I’m gonna be serious with you… I respect your love of the two blorbos and I too care deeply for them. the two were in a relationship yes and still technically are- but Iscan can’t find Palina and is and has been aware of Vixen for a while partially why he warned Adaman of the dangers with Melli but as you can guess it didn’t work out… Iscan is a honorary spared to Vixen and Violet they respect him and will retreat from his generally space if they feel he is uncomfortable with their presence. The clans only started back at each other’s throats when Palina was announced missing and Iscan had been found nearby and they blamed him so the two weren’t really tense… His scent is all over the cliff side and it does intrigue Vixen as to why this man-who-smells-like-fish is walking around their territory

fifth question: this is a very important part of the story I will be honest with you… Violets anger and hatred stems from Melli’s feelings of betrayal and hurt that came from Adaman over looking important details and evidence that the other wardens brought to him to try to prove it and Melli had been injured when they went to talk to him but was immediately shut down by their older brother figure because he felt they were exaggerating the threat. These feelings grow into hatred and rage when Violet is “born” the confusion with these emotions and how bad it makes them feel makes Violet more violent towards their former leader and the trust that Melli had in Adaman will never truly be regained after it Melli basically d*ed a horrible and slow lonely d*ath of blo*d loss and hypothermia from a lack of protective clothing from the attack from the sneasler and the wounds they had Melli is physically and mentally scarred from that experience and can’t look Adaman in the eyes because they see him as untrustworthy with their feelings and events that occur around them because he might shoot their warnings/feelings down along with the fact that they almost lost skuntank because of him… and that’s not something Melli takes lightly trust me.

Back to Vixen and Iscan gonna say this first Iscan does go feral but it’s a little bit more into the story like about when the research trio meet ingo kind of into it Vixen hunts them down(Rei,Akari,Fate(OC) down and gives them a free trip back to cobalt coastland where Iscan is seen wearing a basculegin mask and squaring off with the local alpha Waldron and winning calming him down takes a little while but eventually he leads them to a small cave where Violet lies injured and unconscious Diagla had overtook Iscan(while alive) to use as a replacement for Violet while they healed(Diagla was upset with them for losing a fight with Vixen/Palkia during one of their full moon all out brawls) but released him soon after and he joins Vixens pack the two are close at this point but it is a respectful close even with the mixed (nice) feelings the two feel in close proximity to one another

When Iscan went primal a memory was triggered that woke up a feeling deep inside of Vixen and helped to slowly wake Palina up and Vixen and Palina did converse together for short periods of time and the two helped give Iscan his primal name Soul which Soul/Iscan liked very much

Palina’s “d*ath” actually happens from blunt force trauma her young lord witnessed it and it effected him badly and is much more skittish than canonly out of fear Palina was attacked by another Volo follower and was pushed off the cliff side by a alpha bravairy and it’s trainer Palkia warped space and brought her back to life as Vixen after she passed from the realm

when Palina has recovered she immediately books it from the med bay in Jubilife village hugs Melli as a thank you for being a good friend and honorary packmate and keeping them all safe knocks over Adaman and Irida in haste(you thought she was tall then she got even taller now) and runs-

THE-

WHOLE-

*SS-

WAY-

to cobalt coastlands to see Iscan(who recovered very fast due to a shortened link to Diagla and not being technically “needed”) out of a conscious/subconscious need to see him and didn’t even break a sweat (Fate blames Palkia and Diagla for the wardens random “energy rushes”)

trust me though Melli and Palina were and stills are in no way interested with one another the two respected one another for their own strengths and we’re more than happy to join together to protect the research trio from Volos followers even after it all the two are often found conversing together in cobalt coastlands or in jubilife village when the two aren’t busy or have given their lords free roam out in the open(something they discovered is beneficial for themselves and their lords)

(I am pretty sure I answered everything- but please let me know if I didn’t completely explain something I am trying to be a bit vague with my explanations as this is still a work in progress and I am attempting to respect canon as much as possible in this au)

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

For each member of the Cullens, what do you think it would take for them to realize the extent of how unhinged Edward is and what do you think they would do about it, if anything?

Well, we’re going dark places today, aren’t we?

Alice

Alice is already fully aware of what Edward is, she simply doesn’t care.

There are visions that Alice misses, Edward thinks Alice misses the vast majority of Biology due to being hyper focused on Jasper (and likely missed the school massacre that Edward was seriously planning) but there is a lot she doesn’t miss.

Every time Edward thinks about how great it’d be to smash Mike Newton’s head like a watermelon, every time he considers devouring Bella, every time he enters her room unannounced to stare at her while she sleeps unawares, the time Edward considers genocide of the Quileute Tribe because of Jake’s telling Bella a story he doesn’t even believe, Alice knows.

It changes nothing for her.

She roots for Edward and Bella’s relationship, not because she knows for a certainty it will work out, but because it might. And that slim might, where Bella Swan might survive and become Edward’s lover as well as her own Barbie is worth everything they put Bella through to get there.

Also damningly, Alice cares very little for how good Edward is for Bella just as she cares very little for Bella period. Bella is Alice’s excuse to party and a dress up toy, but Alice will cut contact with her to a) please Edward b) prove a point to Edward.

Worse, Alice will take Bella to Italy, a city where she knows Bella will be killed with a 90% chance upon entry, on the slim chance that they might prevent Edward’s suicide. Yes, she vaguely explains the risk Bella’s taking, but she doesn’t say it in clear terms nor does she waste much time arguing.

Edward is far more important to Alice than Bella.

What I’m getting at is, thanks to her gift, Alice is intimately aware of just what Edward is capable of. She doesn’t care. And yes, there’s something to be said that Edward, more often than not, does not act upon these futures and he shouldn’t be condemned for choices he does not make. However, he does make some of them, and Alice knows.

There’s nothing I think Edward could do to either inform her that she was gravely wrong in how she perceived him or drive her away. Alice would be disappointed he’s thrown the family into such disarray but most likely would try to steer him away from whatever choice would cause such a rift.

She would aid, abet, and enable him because that is what will keep the Cullens together. Which is something Alice very much wants.

Carlisle

Carlisle lives in a river in Egypt, the water is made of double think. There are strong hints that Carlisle’s family is not quite as gung ho or altruistic about the diet as he is. Instead of being appalled, Carlisle quietly lowers his standards, and gives enthusiastic applause when Edward does things like choose not to brutally murder the serial rapist who nearly raped Bella. This is big growth for Edward! He also takes measures like sending family members who have accidents to their victims funeral, in the hopes that something, maybe, might make them see humans as people worthy of life.

If you asked him though, he’d talk about how amazing his family and the Denali are for the diet, and how he’s so proud to be a part of this community that values human life. LOOK HOW MUCH THEY VALUE IT.

When it comes to Edward, I think Edward holds a special place in Carlisle’s heart. He was not only the first person he turned, but Edward left and came back, to Carlisle this signaled that he’d found meaning and purpose in preserving human life. More, Edward... is very good at hiding what he is and is desperate that Carlisle above all others never see it.

Rather than have a conscience, most of the time, what stops Edward from “you name horrific action” of the day is the thought of “What would Carlisle say?” 

My point being, from the outside, especially to Carlisle, Edward truly does look like a noble soul. There are... flags, but they’re easily ignored or written off as issues with Edward’s emotional maturity.

Where Carlisle starts getting concerned is with Bella. Edward leaves for Alaska, great, Carlisle’s proud he was able to make that decision and know his limits. ThEn EdWArd CoMeS BaCK.

Edward comes back, in a week, nothing has changed, and he refuses to leave. Carlisle talks to him, Edward’s thinking he’s better than Hamburger and he can’t let her win, what he actually says to Carlisle is something along the lines of “I can’t run from my fears” Carlisle does an upside down smiley face then says, “Yes, you can, please do” And Edward doesn’t.

Things with Edward and this girl get progressively weird, but Carlisle is very proud that Edward sees the value of human life and not murdering a girl for being nearly hit by a van (this is how low Carlisle’s standards have become), and then Alice goes, “Oh, by the way, Edward is in love with this girl!”

Carlisle just sits there, “Alright then” and quietly puts aside his dreams of moving to a town where Edward doesn’t eat Bella Swan.

But I’m getting off track, this isn’t about canon where Carlisle can explain Edward’s actions away as noble but extreme, emotionally immature, and misguided.

Eating Bella’s not enough. Carlisle will see this as a tragic accident, something he foresaw, but something he assumes will haunt Edward for eternity. And, as it will haunt Edward for eternity (though not for the reasons Carlisle assumes) there will be nothing to make Carlisle question Edward’s character. He was young and foolish to think his limits were endless, but this was a tragic accident.

And it’s something, that in canon, Carlisle is hoping won’t happen but expects with helplessness.

I think there are a number of things that could do it. Had Edward eaten Biology, had he decided to defy Volturi law by eating Saint Marcus’ Square, but staying closer to the realm of possibility...

Had Edward forcibly aborted Bella, murdering her and her child in the process, or else if Renesmee didn’t have her gift, and Edward murdered her after her birth (assuming Jake didn’t get to it first).

Those actions cannot be excused away nor cannot be seen as tragic accidents. They are premeditated and evil, and yes evil is a strong word, yet here we are. This is Carlisle staring in the face of madness.

And that’s what it will take.

If Edward cheats on Bella, then while Carlisle is sad and disappointed, affairs happen and passion fades. More, Edward and Bella married awfully young and barely knew each other, this perhaps isn’t surprising.

If Edward eats a human Bella on the day she’s supposed to be turned, in very suspicious circumstances right at the last minute. Carlisle will know, deep down, but never allow himself to believe it. He’ll think Edward is utterly devestated and had let his guard down on that last day in anticipation of Bella’s turning.

This though, there’s no denying this.

I don’t believe Carlisle can kill Edward. Murder is not in his nature, and more, Edward is so dear to him. And now that this has happened, Carlisle would blame himself in part because surely, the human Edward Masen would never have become this. 

He’d likely reach out to Aro. Eclipse has happened, but not Breaking Dawn, and more everything is in question. He has to know the truth from a man who has seen Edward’s very soul. He goes in person, likely tells Edward his plans, and Edward rages but that doesn’t stop Carlisle.

Rosalie (more on her below) would never forgive Edward, ever, she is done. She and Emmett likely go with Carlisle to Volterra to hear the truth of what Edward is. Esme stays behind with Edward, torn in half, but unable to leave his side in this time of crisis. With that, her and Carlisle’s marriage completely dissolves on the spot. Alice stays with Edward as well, which means Jasper does to, though this likely starts the gears in head and he begins to contemplate leaving his wife. Though I imagine he won’t act for some time.

By the time Emmett, Rosalie, and Carlisle reach Volterra the coven is broken.

If Bella survived, if Edward murdered Renesmee while she was out of commission for three days, then I imagine she too goes to Volterra. Not for truth, but so that Aro can murder her, because there’s no point in living anymore.

Emmett

It would have to be beyond the pale extreme because Emmett gets more hints than most of the family (i.e. Carlisle and Rosalie).

Edward doesn’t really confide in Emmett, per se, but he does say some pretty damning things on their hunting trip in New Moon and give off varying vibes of crazy. Rather than realize that Edward, perhaps, is dangerous, Emmett only gets the feeling that Edward might not be alright in the head. Mostly, Emmett doesn’t want to think about it.

So he gets to listen to Edward raving about how Bella could be crushed by a meteor, wondering why Edward even cares when two days ago he didn’t give a flying fuck about this rando tasty human.

To Emmett, Edward has been laughing madly to himself for days, is now a  paranoid wreck, and is starting to creep him out but... Maybe if he ignores it, Edward will go back to normal?

Not helping is that Emmett doesn’t care about human life. He’s constantly telling Edward to treat himself and eat Bella, in a manner that suggests he vicariously wants to live through the delicious experience (as well as get Edward to calm down). 

If Edward eats Bella, Emmett will slap him on the back and say “Good job, bro!” If Edward eats Bella after the whole “love” thing, well, that’s weird, but, uh, “Sorry, bro?” If Edward murders all of Biology...

Then Emmet might do a double take and think, you know, maybe something’s not right with Edward.

I think he’d suggest he and Rose take a very long vacation and wait for things to calm down. Hoping that, if he ignores this, it will go away and Edward will return to a... saneish person.

What Rose thinks is a different story.

Esme

There is nothing on this planet that could tear Esme away from Edward. Esme’s purpose in life, the thing that gives her joy each morning and each night, is her family which you can condense down to Edward: the best and brightest of all of us.

We see it in canon.

The day after Edward decides he’s in love he acts like a lunatic. The car smells like Bella, as he kidnapped her for a ride home (Bella did not realize she had, in fact, been abducted. Edward does for two seconds then says to himself, “No, no, this is--completely necessary. I’M A MONSTER”

Jasper, Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett get to ride home in this Bella smelling car. Edward keeps laughing, like he’s in an opium den, it’s fucking weird. Edward offers no explanation, the car always smells like Bella, what are you talking about?

Edward then skips to the piano, giggling to himself, and sits down to compose. An action he hasn’t done in years. He’s still grinning and giggling to himself, by the way. Alice joins him at the piano, being equally cryptic and weird as usual. For some reason, Rosalie leaves the room in complete humiliation and shame. This is never explained to anyone watching.

Esme is sitting in the room, taking this all in, and thinks nothing. Instead she smiles, at beautiful Edward, and asks him to play the song he composed for her. She’s so glad to see him filled with joy again. She tells him that he is the best and brightest of all of them.

Esme later gives Edward her pretty much express permission to eat Bella if the girl is causing him such pain and misery. Luckily for Bella, Edward’s in love. So he passes on that and assures Esme the most wonderful thing has happened, he is in love.

My point being, Edward could drop the corpses of the students he murdered in Biology so he could more efficiently eat Bella at Esme’s feet and she wouldn’t blink. It wouldn’t even process for her. Esme would continue carrying on as Esme, nothing changing, while the rest of the family stares agog at the city Edward just murdered.

There is nothing Edward could do or say that would ever change Esme’s mind and she will always treat him as her favorite child.

Jasper

With his gift, I imagine Jasper suspects. Edward loathes Rosalie, despises him, and his feelings for others are... strange. He holds indifference and contempt for mankind and when it comes to Bella. Woof, what a cocktail.

He has no proof though, but I imagine if the smallest thing comes into his lap, that suspicion would become a certainty.

As for what he’d do, it’s hard to say.

I think, in most scenarios, he’d look the other way. Yes, Edward is a monater, but Jasper to is a monster if for different reasons, he has no room to judge. More, Edward is in many respects the heart of the Cullens, far more than Japser himself is. If Jasper goes causing strife, making accusations the others may or may not believe, then the coven could collapse.

This place, these people, are what Jasper thinks he’s been searching for all his life. For the first time, he knows peace, and is trying to live a life where he doesn’t persist in agony every time he succumbs to eating. Jasper is not going to risk that falling apart, even if he finds Edward unpleasant.

And if Edward keeps it to himself, or if the occasional human is the victim, then that’s a price Jasper is willing to pay.

Jasper might actually get concerned when it comes to Bella. For all Bella’s not very close with him, he holds her in very high regard. He nearly devoured Bella, and she forgave him, she forgave him his monstrously brutal past and has never flinched from him. She is a reminder of what humanity can be and why it’s important.

If he realized the threat Edward is to Bella, not just in eating her, but on a level much darker than that, then he might start to act and would probably try to get Bella to leave while she could. However, he also likely knows Bella would never listen, because she doesn’t see what Edward is and nothing would convince her otherwise. Not to mention, as soon as Jasper knows, Edward will plot against him so that no one in the family will ever listen to a word he says.

Not to mention that Alice, of course, must know and doesn’t care. That will be quite the blow to Jasper taking any action.

Barring extreme circumstances, Jasper does nothing, he just watches and waits to see what the others do.

Rosalie

For all that Edward doesn’t bother to be nice to Rosalie, and is ready to lay into her at a moment’s notice, he’s very dear to her. He is, in all regards, her brother and she cares for him deeply as she does the family as a whole.

Rosalie has no idea what he truly is and it would take a lot for her to accept it. More, unlike Carlisle, although she prizes human values and tries to hold herself to human standards her morals have slipped enough that she genuinely advocates murdering Bella Swan in her sleep so that Rosalie won’t have to move.

Murdering Bella won’t be enough, Rosalie will see it as the accident that could have been avoided if Edward hadn’t insisted on being a fool. 

I think, for Rosalie, the best way to drive it home would be a sexual crime. Had Edward forced Bella’s abortion in Breaking Dawn, that would have done it. First, it’d be such a messy, bloody, affair at that point and would look like a horror show (which means Edward’s more than likely to eat Bella in the process). Second, this would be Edward taking the child that Bella wanted, tearing it from her and murdering it, and performing the most vile action that Rosalie can likely even contemplate.

I don’t know what she’d do, I don’t think Rosalie’s capable of killing Edward, she cares for him too much, even after something like this. However, I think she would make an ultimatum to Carlisle “either he goes or I go” and then would never speak of Edward again, he’s dead to her.

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

So I was showing my sister your amazing Q-A posts, when I came across Peter's. I realized that you just keep mentioning the incompetence of the Order, and how they're just a bunch of babysitters who don't do anything throughout many posts, but never actually wrote a rant about them and their members. Can you do that, while stating all the things they did/didn't do and their uselessness to the Order? What can I say I love your rants!

Caveat that it has been a while since I’ve read books 5, 6, and 7 of Harry Potter. I have a fantastic memory but some things may slip my mind. If I grievously offend anyone and it turns out the Order does actually do something, anything, of any vague importance then feel free to let me know and shame me on the internet.

With that, the story of why I think the Order of the Phoenix is a ridiculous organization that was mostly there because Dumbledore felt the need to have a guerilla resistance group (you’ve got to have a guerilla resistance group! Or, if Tom has a secret cult, I must have one too! BUT WITH BIRDS! COO COO KACHOO TOM RIDDLE!)

First, let’s look at our lineup.

Yes, we have a few aurors in the midst, but even with them the lineup is... worrying. In the first war we knew that key figures had presumably just graduated Hogwarts and joined the Order (James and Sirius). For all we know, they were recruited even before graduation. This makes sense as James’ is a big financial win for Dumbledore and was probably, perhaps with Longbottom, in charge of funding most of their operations. That and he and Longbottom give Dumbledore a voice in the Wizengamot (which so far as I can surmise is the only real governing body in the country, the ministry exists, but it all boils down to the Wizengamot). 

The point being, James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Lily are all barely squeaking out of Hogwarts not only when they join the Order but also even by the time they die. More, it could be because the books are from Harry’s point of view and he has a serious thing about worshipping James, but James in particular is made to sound very vital to the Order’s operations. A twenty-one-year-old who charged Voldemort without a wand (I really shouldn’t give James shit for this, it was a desperate situation, an attack they had not anticipated, he’s young, and panicking. I will still give James shit for this.)

Otherwise we have Mundungus Fletcher, who gives strong vibes of being an alcoholic and is just a generally unreliable, shady, dude who will steal your silverware and pawn it on the black market when you aren’t looking.

We have Molly and Arthur Weasley, whose only use I can possibly think of is being moral support and... I don’t know... providing safe houses maybe? Seriously, we have no indication they’re good at dueling (less so as Harry’s shocked when Molly takes on Bellatrix and miraculously wins). We know Arthur’s not a very intelligent guy. Arthur and Molly have no sense of... Well, suffice to say, if Dumbledore gave them any real information they’d run away screaming. They throw Percy out of the family for becoming Fudge’s secretary, I’m sure Dumbledore was just internally screaming and begging them not to do it so he can make Percy a spy. But he can never say as much as such a notion would horrify Molly and Arthur. Molly and Arthur are also presented as vital members of the Order by the way. Molly and Arthur. ARTHUR.

We have what remains of the Marauders in the second go around: Remus and Sirius. Remus, while a competent wizard, nobody can quite trust for the reason they couldn’t quite trust him last time: he’s still a werewolf and has no reason to support the current government. Sirius is recovering from ten years in hell and is in no condition to do anything, knows it, loathes it, and is clawing at the walls of the safehouse he was pretty much forced to provide the Order.

We then have the aurors. Kingsly seems competent enough but more than him we have Moody and we have Tonks. Tonks is young and seems very very green, she was a good enough duelist to get into the auror corps but we know she’s dreadfully clumsy and often seems to treat Order business as this very exciting super secret mission she’s on. Moody, is a paranoid wreck who is almost comical for his utterly ridiculous skepticism of everything and seems incapable of making any true plans or taking any real action.

Looking at the Order of the Phoenix is kind of like watching “Dodgeball”, you just have this really weird collection of people who try to dodge wrenches, only the Death Eaters aren’t much better, so it kind of evens out. 

But onto why I think they do nothing... It’s because we see them do nothing.

We don’t get much information on the first war but at best it seems like there were a few minor skirmishes in the street now and then. I always imagine something like the Sharks and the Jets in Westside Story. They’re walking along the streets, spot each other, dramatic music ensues and a rumble begins, then they scamper away when the aurors come in.

Remember that these guys aren’t a legitimate organization and really don’t have the structure of one. Back in the day they were probably, essentially, a street gang.

We get a little more evidence of what we see them get up to in the later books. And it’s all just kind of sad.

Remus is sent on the world’s most ridiculous and hopeless quest to recruit werewolves. Why do I say ridiculous and hopeless, what the hell does Remus have to offer these guys? Werewolves are ridiculously oppressed by the current government, they cannot obtain an education, they cannot hold jobs, they’re desperately unemployed and people routinely talk about wiping them out. Remus comes up to them and says, “Hey guys, come support the guerilla movement that supports the government that talks about killing you all the time! It’ll be great!” They’ll either put Remus’ head on a pike or if they’re nice just laugh at him until he leaves. I’d say it’d be worth it, except that it’s an exceedingly dangerous task that probably would end with Remus’ head on a pike. As it is, it ends in embarrassing failure. And this is one of the more legitimate Order missions.

Hagrid, similarly, is sent to talk to the giants and it ends in equally embarrassing failure for the same reasons (why would the giants ever support the ministry and or Dumbledore who promises them nothing). Also, sending Hagrid to talk diplomacy, with anyone, ever. Surely, there’s no way that could possibly go wrong.

Otherwise their big task seems to be to babysit Harry and transfer him from the Dursleys to the Burrow/Grimmuald Place. The first, they fail at, Mundungus gets put on the job the one day something actually happens and it’s a complete disaster. The second, they also fail at, as I never understood why they couldn’t just portkey him where they needed him to go or at least closer by. The polyjuice flight across the sky was... really unecessary. 

You can tell by the seriousness with which most Order members, i.e. Tonks, take the babysitting Harry duty that this is a very serious task for very serious people. Given this, Tom’s lack of overt action in the fifth and sixth books, the fact that we don’t seem to see them do anything even in the seventh book... Yeah, this and keeping an eye out for that prophecy are their most exciting jobs.

Remember that rescuing Harry from the Department of Mysteries wasn’t really Dumbledore’s idea. That was an emergency situation where he had to pull out the stops, more, I suspect Sirius went “CHAAAAAARGE” and gleefully rushed out into glorious battle with the Order directly behind him and Dumbledore going, “Well, shit.”

I guess the last thing I’ll say is that we also see that Dumbledore has very little confidence in the Order. He gives them nothing important to do and, more, gives them virtually no intelligence.

He never tells the Order about the horcruxes (their existence or Harry, Hermione, and Ron’s super serial mission to track them down and destroy them). He never relays to them that Harry himself is a horcrux. He never reveals the suicide ploy with Snape or that he was in fact dying before that point. He never reveals Malfoy’s assassination attempts. Dumbledore doesn’t tell them jack shit.

If he relies on anyone, usually when he’s forced to, it’s Severus Snape. This I think is not only because Snape is forced in a way to be loyal thanks to the life debt to Harry as well as his own overwhelming sense of guilt but also because he’s the only really intelligent and competent one there.

The Order’s just... if you need someone to pick up Harry or else keep an eye on him when Mrs. Figg is busy: they’re your guys. Otherwise, they make Dumbledore feel good about himself?

[aerltarg]

Maybe this is a stupid question, buuuuut:

I just can't imagine a world that Rhaegar comes back from the Trident, wins the war and becomes king. No, I'm not a anti Rhaegar, matter of fact I like him very much, I'm just can imagine how would Lya, little Jon, this whole affair, would settle in the capital. The norm that fics (at least those I read) tend to follow is to make Rhaegar:

1. A douche, paranoid and destiny-obessed king.

2. Completely incompetent, aloof monarch, that deep down has a heart of gold, but can't really be understood.

I mean, isn't he supposed to be a scholar since he was a kid? What's are your thoughts about it?

oh, yeah, i can totally understand this! it's is the whole point in canon actually, "the wrong man came back from the trident". you would expect a hero win against his antagonist and have a happy ending w his lady love but it doesn't happen. instead the subversion happens to them with rhaegar being killed by robert who becomes obviously a shitty king and lyanna dying after him. they were never supposed to have happy ending, they were created as tragic and doomed and dead from the beginning for the whole plot to start, jon to have his parentage mystery and dany to take the passed baton as the last dragon, prophesied savoir and the heir who has to carry entire house on her back now.

as for the realistic rhaegar wins aus that's the difficult question. tbh we just don't know enough abt their situation, plans and wishes. you see, e.g. in agot we can be right in ned's head and see his motivations, what he was thinking abt, what he was planning, what he was hoping to do. but if his story was told the way rhaegar's was i bet he would have his own crowd of haters and ~intellectuals~ jumping out every two seconds w their "hot takes" how actually all hints abt what rlly happened (ned being a good man w his own sense of honour, justice and experiences affecting him and the deal w cersei's children) doesn't matter and he was an ambitious prick, planned to grasp the power by being joffrey's regent and make his daughter sansa queen. (you can actually insert there any bullshit and still don't reach the level of stupidity of such "hot takes" this fandom loves so much lmao). also he would be blamed to the hell and beyond for being too stupid and not foreseeing the future and actions of other ppl bc ofc after everything happened it's so easy to say what was so obvious to notice. also they would say that the deaths of his men and horrible fates of his kids are 100% his fault and even straight up say he killed them lmao. i can rant abt it for hours so yeah. this is a situation w too many unknown variables bc it depends too much on actions of too many characters we don't know enough abt. the only thing it's possible to tell for sure is the fact that there couldn't be any perfect solutions since things got too complicated at this point.

such fics as you've mentioned tho are just a part of this dumb fanon where rhaegar is "too prophecy obsessed"/"incapable of love"/shrodinger's rhaegar both smart and stupid at the same time/whatever/all of this combined lmfao. the man was notably intelligent from the early age as you've absolutely rightly mentioned, his guesses abt himself being tptwp have nothing to do w egocentrism as some parts of the fandom would want us all to believe unless he wouldn't be so reasonable abt it and later on, after so many years, wouldn't have changed his mind and thought his son could be tptwp.

and literally fuck all antis that think you shouldn't consider prophecies that hold real power in this fantasy world lol. you know, aegon the conqueror was said to be motivated (or at least partly) to unify westeros by the prophecy and still got the treatment of perfect/maximum close to perfect figure of a leader everyone should look up to from the narrative and grrm. prophecy obsessed much, huh? i don't even talk abt all these parallels between him and rhaegar grrm put there not for bitches to ignore them completely! and i will never get tired of reminding that dismissing prophecies is UNWISE for targaryens of all people. the house whose story is built on the dream of young daenys and her father aenar that listened to her despite common sense (or what local "anti magic"/"anti prophecies" clowns consider to be common sense). targs would be as dead as the rest of dragonlords if not for daenys the dreamer. who else in the world has as many reasons to take prophecies seriously as them?

yet antis out there act as if rhaegar is one dimensional weirdo whose every character trait is abt mf ~prophecy obsession~. like how can they miss one of the main points so badly?? the game of thrones distracts ppl from the real danger beyond the wall, yk, the one rhaegar was aware of and meant to deal with. there wouldn't be such a problem if he became king and had as many years of head start before ice zombies apocalypse as ignorant bobby b did. rhaegar had to die just for westeros to sink in shit and our main heroes to save everyone to make this story more epic LMAO

so yeah, too many ppl portray rhaegar as this one dimensional robotic creature without any knowledge of what feelings are idk even for what reason. it seems these ppl can't read for real bc rhaegar was not only intelligent af as well as dutiful ("it seems i must be a warrior" but "he loved his harp more than his lance") but also. ugh emotional?? my boy had constant emo sessions w brooding at ruins of summerhall, sleeping out there beneath the stars all alone and writing songs that made all women cry. does it sound as someone who "isn't capable of love" lol? folks act as if he was completely heartless from the day he was born (bc he didnt play w other kids ig??) but in reality their emotional range is less than the one of a spoon in comparison to rhaegar's lol. i'm not even gonna address the horrible attitude of demonizing him for his implied depression, vile clowns never listen to themselves when they talk abt targaryens and their "madness".

tldr; these fics are mostly lame af and suck at characterization if they're making rhaegar like that lol. anyway his character isn't abt being a good or a bad king, it's abt being a would-be-king for characters in books and readers in reality to sigh over his tragic aura and pretty aesthetic abt how it could've been. however, grrm clearly doesn't write rhaegar as evil or incapable as some parts of the fandom would want to try to persuade others. realistically speaking in the scenario where he wins there couldn't be any perfect decisions but it's a territory of speculations on thin air and lit nothing more since canon doesn't provide us with enough information to rlly theorize anything instead of building biased headcanons some ppl call "analysis".

but remember what barristan said about rhaegar while practically watching him all his life, from a literal baby to the man grown:

“I know little of Rhaegar. Only the tales Viserys told, and he was a little boy when our brother died. What was he truly like?”

The old man considered a moment. “Able. That above all. Determined, deliberate, dutiful, single-minded.” (ASOS, Daenerys I)

“Prince Rhaegar’s prowess was unquestioned, but he seldom entered the lists. He never loved the song of swords the way that Robert did, or Jaime Lannister. It was something he had to do, a task the world had set him. He did it well, for he did everything well. That was his nature. But he took no joy in it. Men said that he loved his harp much better than his lance.” (ASOS, Daenerys IV)

[plus-size-reader]

Those Eyes pt.2

Bucky Barnes x Plus size!reader

Word Count:1421 words

Warnings: bit of an AU, anxiety, panic attack, PTSD

Summary: The answers come to the reader, but it isn’t really as simple as just the truth. 

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You could feel a scream pulling at your lips as you stared at the now rather alarmed looking man. However, there was no room for any explanation from you because there was currently no air in your lungs.

All you could do was stand there, shaking, as you tried to calm your racing heart.

There was no way that the man standing in front of you was the same man who killed your parents but if you could suspend logic for a moment, you were sure. You were beyond sure that those were the eyes you'd seen all those years ago.

The eyes of a man who spared you, even though he butchered your parents.

It was possible that it was some kind of combination of exhaustion and stress but you simply didn't think so. You knew that there was something completely and totally wrong, but the words to explain just didn't exist.

Running through your veins right now was a fear you hadn't felt in a very long time, a real fear that nothing else had ever been able to rival.

"Is everything okay? Do I need to get you something? Do you need to sit down?" he asked, reaching out gently to try and stabilize you which certainly didn't help. As soon as he reached out toward you, you screamed.

It was a blood curdling scream, one that could only rival the woman in those terrible horror movies Tony would make you watch every Halloween. Not only did Bucky back up at that though, but a gaggle of others came running toward the sound.

Unsurprisingly, your brother was the first to reach the door, swinging it open without a second thought. He was greeted with quite the sight, between the broken glass on the floor and you practically shutting down.

Even still, he didn't skip a beat.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here with you, just breathe" Tony cooed, wrapping his arms tightly around your frame to try and keep you from shaking even more, trying to coax you into your breathing exercises.

These were things he'd learned as a young man, when he had to learn how to navigate the childhood trauma you'd experienced after the accident. You used to have random panic attacks just like this one all the time or terrible night terrors that he had to talk you down from.

While it hadn't happened in a long time, evidently it was like riding a bike, he had never really forgotten how to do it.

"What happened?" Steve asked in a hushed whisper, looking over his best friend as if something had happened with him. As far as he knew, Bucky could have been having an episode of his own. After all, he wasn't the only one left bruised and paranoid over the events of that night.

Not that you knew that.

"She panicked, I don't know. She didn't say anything" the dark haired man tried, rattled in his own right over the way you'd reacted. As far as he knew, he hadn't done anything to set you off but maybe it wasn't something he was aware of.

Thankfully, Tony was quick to step in to explain, as you were no longer in a position to even stand on your own, led alone talk through what you were thinking. You were probably going to be nonverbal for at least half an hour after this.

"Are you okay to go with Nat while I clean this up?" he asked you, waiting until you gave a small nod to gingerly hand  you over to the red head, who helped you down the hall so that you could sit down.

Once you were out of the room, Tony got to work with his explanation. "Don't worry about it, it isn't you. She's had a really hard time since mom and dad passed, certain things just set it off" he tried, hoping that was good enough to calm the man.

He knew how sensitive Bucky could be to those sorts of things and didn't want him to feel guilty like it was his fault, if only he knew.

See, you knew full well that there was something about Bucky that no one else knew but that was the difficult part. Not even Bucky himself had any recollection of what he'd done on that night in 1991.

All he knew was that something was terribly wrong, and that he owed you some kind of apology for whatever it was he'd done.

Natasha and Pepper spent the next half an hour or so talking you down from your panic in hushed, soft whispers. They made sure that you were keeping your breathing level and that you weren't thinking about it anymore until you were finally able to communicate again.

Once that moment came though, you still weren't sure what to say.

"I'm okay now, thank you" you tried, taking it slow as you sat up from where you'd been just laying down on the couch. Going too fast after something like that could trigger another panic attack but you knew that you were okay now.

You had been caught off guard was all, that had to be it. You must have just been tired, and that made you think that you aught to apologize for that poor man you probably traumatized.

"Can I talk to him for a second?" you asked, approaching the lab slowly once again, finding the shards of glass now nowhere to be found. The man in question didn't move when you spoke, looking instead between Steve and Tony for some kind of guidance.

"Are you sure that's a good idea kid? We still don't know what triggered it the first time" Tony warned, knowing what could happen if something spooked you again. Still, once you nodded, he didn't ask again.

You were an adult now and if you felt like you could handle it, he wasn't going to tell you differently. "I'll be okay, I'm good now" you assured, taking a seat across from where the brunette had been sitting, wracking his brain to try and figure out what he'd done to upset you so badly.

There was a moment or two of silence between you as you tried to organize your thoughts, not daring to look him in the face at first.

"I'm sorry that I scared you. When I was a little girl, there was an accident and I've had nightmares ever since. I guess something about you just reminded me of them" you explained, hoping his wouldn't be offended by that.

That wasn't exactly the best thing to say while making a first impression but it was the truth. There was no use lying after what you'd done anyway, not that you could even come up with a convincing lie in your current state.

"I think it's your eyes"

That came out after, without you even meaning to let those words slip from your lips. Bucky didn't say anything, not at first. Instead, he just let you talk, mostly because he didn't know what to say.

It wasn't until a few more seconds went by without any more words from you that he ventured to speak to you. His words were unsteady and shaky when he tried to ask you what he so desperately wanted to know, but he wasn't even sure why.

He couldn't place it, but he felt like he'd seen you somewhere. Though, like most of his memories, the truth was likely buried away from him in the distant sands of time.

"What about my eyes?" he sounded almost afraid when he asked, but as if on cue, you looked up at his face, taking in the look there. You barely let your own gaze focus on those blue eyes, feeling your stomach turn at the sight of them.

Still, as you tried to avoid his burning stare, the more you found your eyes brought back to his own. There was something almost magnetic about the look you found there, once you worked past the abject rejection you felt toward him.

You found that his gaze held an almost opposite affect. You just felt deep down in your soul that he knew the truth about what had happened, even if he didn't even realize he had the power.

A few more seconds ticked by while you gathered your thoughts before you spoke again. "They're the eyes I saw the night my parent's were murdered" and then, feeling as if your business was done, you stood and left.

[maleyanderecafe]

Yanderes and Entrapment

It has been a really long time since I've written any analysis for yanderes, mostly because I can't really think of anything to talk about, but my recommendation drafts are piling up, so I might as well talk about yanderes and their favorite way to keep someone by their side- entrapment! We'll be talking about both physical and mental/emotional entrapment for yanderes.

Physical entrapment, such as being locked up in a cage, chained in the basement, or just physically being unable to leave the house due to fear are pretty popular in all yanderes, both female, male, and everyone in between. However, from what I can tell trapping someone is a lot more common in male yanderes than it is in females. This is probably due to the fact that males are generally physically stronger, so it's more likely that they'd used their strength to trap the person they love. I'm also going to chalk it up to the popularity of Toma from Amnesia, since he was a huge part in making cages in yanderes more common, at least in the otome spheres. That's of course not to say that females yanderes don't also cage their s/os, but it is a lot less common when compared to male yanderes, which is something that I find pretty interesting.

A lot of the time, physical entrapment comes in the form of kidnapping, which makes sense because usually, their s/o is not keen on being trapped in a basement or a cage (if they're normal), though I'm sure in some cases they'd be okay with it for kinky reasons. Physical entrapment is pretty common for possessive yanderes because they believe that their s/o is their object. If their love is beyond sight from other people, then there's little to no chance that they can be taken away by someone else or have their attention brought somewhere else. A lot of times, I see this kind of trap happen in bad endings of yandere manga, or in some cases very abusive types, and it's usually to "punish" the s/o for talking to someone or trying to cheat. Physical entrapment doesn't have to be necessarily bad for the s/o, however. For yanderes that are more stalker-like, or have a bit more empathy for their s/o, the entrapment is more in the form of making a palace for the s/o that they can't leave. This has more benefits to the s/o's state of mind as it's usually done in a way that often makes the s/o less likely to rebel against the yandere. Usually, in these cases, the yandere wants to protect the s/o from something and thus tries to make it as comfortable for the s/o as possible. The s/o usually ends up suspecting something but will often be distracted by the things inside of the palace and are less likely to rebel if they feel that the yandere is doing this for their sake. Mixed in with manipulation, it can also make them feel guilty in the process.

Physical Entrapment often comes in the form of violence, which, while unfortunate is pretty common when it comes to yanderes. Whether or not they want to hurt the s/o or not, physical entrapment usually requires at least a little bit of force on the yandere's part, especially if they are reluctant or fight back. In worse case scenario, they could cause the s/o to be unable to move, somehow damaging their spine, breaking their legs or arms or even worse, killing them. Obviously, in terms of the yandere, it makes it a lot easier to keep an eye on the s/o as well as less worrisome for the s/o to escape. Of course, depending on how willful or vengeful the s/o is, it might just make it more difficult for the yandere, especially if they were able to break out. It would be very interesting to watch the s/o break out and struggle with whatever injuries they have, and come back to the yandere with a burning vengeance. If the yandere has some sympathy over the s/o, they may feel guilty for hurting them and try to remedy it by begging for forgiveness or trying to treat them. If the s/o is good at manipulating the yandere, it might end up with the yandere feeling so horrible that they let the s/o go. In some cases though, the yandere might only notice what kind of horrible things they've done to the s/o when they're completely broken. By that point, it's already too late and they may feel despair over what they've done and either end up killing themselves or becoming so deluded that they believe that their s/o is still alive. Physical entrapment like this is usually done for the sake of horror, either some sort of bad ending for the s/o, or something that the s/o has to try to escape from. For instance, in the manga Kedamonotachi no Jikan the s/o is kidnapped by the yandere and has to face not only being raped but being stuffed in a box for most of the day. The story shows the kind of psychological trauma that both characters have and shows their strange relationship with each other. Whether or not the female s/o will escape or even want to escape is another question, but it does show an interesting cause of what a story is like when it focuses heavily on the kidnapping. In an inverse story, it might be interesting to see a version where it initially seems like the s/o has kidnapped the yandere, but we see that the yandere is actually the one trapping the s/o without her knowledge.

The other way of trapping someone is with emotional entrapment. Usually this comes in the form of manipulation, though the kind is dependent on the yandere itself. A lot of times, these kinds of yanderes tend to be more obsessive than possessive, either because they're lacking the strength to properly kidnap someone, or they're more likely to talk their way into someone's heart. Either way, these kinds of yanderes are much likely to be emotionally intelligent and can very easily get their s/o to do what they want. If they are able to manipulate their target correctly, they won't even have to do anything and will eventually train them to do what they want. For the s/o, it often comes in the form of separating the s/o from their loved ones, whether it be friends, family, pets or mentors. It could be in an emotional way, perhaps causing a huge incident that showers the s/o in a bad light, or bringing up bad scars that push the s/o to become angry over something or just simply murdering them. Obviously, depending on the emotional strength of the s/o, it may be more difficult or easier to break the s/o depending on how well adjusted they are. I imagine s/os that are more well adjusted are harder to break or convince since they're a lot less likely to just simply be with the yandere and cut off connections with others. It's very likely it will be incredibly hard to push this kind of s/o to the brink. On the other hand, if the s/o is very fragile emotionally, it would be much easier to force them to become dependent on the yandere. By trapping their mindset to believe that everyone is against them, nobody cares about them, and/or believing that other people aren't worth being with, the yandere is able to trap them mentally with them. Now of course, the yandere might be a little bit more heroic if they were simply extremely protective. If the yandere believes that the s/o would be harmed in any way, for instance, the s/o has a history of being hurt, running into danger, being kidnapped for power, cursed, or is destined to die early, then the yandere might become extremely paranoid over who the s/o may be with and might try to convince them that the only way to stay safe is with them. Whether or not that's actually true or that they even believe it is another story, but it is in essence, another way to try to push them to the edge.

Anyways, sorry for such a long lull when it comes to recommendations. Mangadex is currently still down, so a lot of my manga access is still frozen. I'll still be on Mangago finding some new things though! Thank you for reading this analysis.

[rubykgrant]

I’m gonna write out little high-lights of my RVB Monster AU for Halloween reasons~ Things happen in a mostly normal-world modern setting, but obviously with monsters/fantasy creatures and such. Things plot-related happen almost the same way, but some stuff is earlier/later, shuffled around to work for my own purposes (so some of the key moments still happen, but occasionally in a different order). Here is the beginning, which as always, starts with two morons asking a big question-

“Hey?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you ever wonder why we’re here?”

“Well, that’s one of life’s great mysteries, isn’t it?”

The two men were standing on the rooftop of an old warehouse. The building had gone through several owners, being used as a storage facility, a garage for fixing up cars and various vehicles, a shipping business, a veterinary clinic for large animals and livestock, a recycling center… and possibly some kind of drug lab at one point. It was none of these now, but if a stranger saw the inside, they would assume the new owner was a combination a mechanic/pet doctor, using the left-behind equipment (and considering how shady everything appeared, a stranger would also probably assume this was a front for yet another drug lab). It was still none of these things. In truth, it was much stranger.

One man stood slouching with the late-afternoon sun on his back. The other was leaning against a vent that came out of the roof, in the shadows. He had a red long-sleeved button-up shirt on (despite the hot temperature), and black jeans. His shirt was neatly tucked-in, and his matching red hair was trimmed short in what was decidedly a “going to a job interview” style. His eyes were two different colors. Once, they had both been a soft brown, but now one was glass, the color of the iris some kind of magenta… or maroon. The other eye (the one that was still organic) was a golden-yellow. He looked like somebody who had gone through a growth-spurt some years back, and still hadn’t settled into himself; too lanky and gawky for his own good.

His companion in the sun was a little shorter, and considerably larger, but completely at ease with his shape and his weight. His skin was mostly a warm copper brown… but he had several patches of mis-matched skin tones on his left side; around his eye, his chest, his arm, his leg. Each area also showed several scars, signifying that it was the result of surgery and skin-grafts. His dark brown hair was parted in the center, falling down around his shoulders in long curls, and stubble on his chin. His eyes were so dark, they almost looked black. He wore an old faded baseball shirt (once white with orange on the collar and short sleeves, now a dingy-peachy color), and loose gray jeans that were worn-out at the knees. They were quite the odd pair, opposites in many ways that were obvious (and more that were evident in their interactions), yet it was clear they were used to each other’s company.

“Why ARE we here?” the man in the sun continued, answering the question from his friend in the shadows. “I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a god watching everything? You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night…”

“WHAT?” the other man stood up a little straighter, but remained behind the vent. “I meant why are we out HERE, in broad daylight? Sarge KNOWS it’ll burn me, and there’s not even anything for us to do! The only reason he sends us out to keep watch is because there’s that building over there he thinks is haunted, but we can’t see anything from here… and if there WAS anything going on over there, like ghosts or whatever, they could definitely see US! We don’t have any cover on the roof, but whoever might be over THERE is hidden behind the windows!”

“Oh… uh, yeah…”

“What was all that stuff about god?”

“Nothing,”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,”

They both decided to just skip it, and move on.

“But seriously, why ARE we out here, and why does Sarge care about that building so much?” the taller man waved his arm, gesturing to the building in question.

“I guess he wants to try catching ghosts next, or something?” the shorter man shrugged.

“Then we should just GO OVER THERE, right?”

“Pfff… nah, are you kidding? Just standing around, looking at a building? This is the easiest job I ever had,” he sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Grif, you- OK, first of all! This isn’t a JOB, we aren’t getting paid! Second, you don’t even remember most of your life before a few months ago, you have no basis of comparison!”

“Fair point, but come on Simmons… seriously? What job could I have possibly had that would be easier than this?”

From his spot in the shadows, Simmons looked away for a moment, thinking.

“Hmm… well, I remember reading about people being paid to take part in sleep studies. You just nap and keep a dream journal, or whatever…”

“Oh man, are you kidding!? I WISH that was my life!” Grif kicked at an old rusty can, causing it to fall off the roof. “Instead, here I am, stuck in this stupid building, in this stupid town, in this stupid canyon-”

“Where we have to look at a potentially haunted building, at random intervals, day and night…” Simmons added.

“All because Scruffy the Vampire Slayer is paranoid!”

Despite himself, this caused Simmons to snort laughter. Grif grinned, pleased that his pun was appreciated.

“Even if that building IS haunted… it doesn’t seem like something bad, you know? I never see anybody running out of there screaming bloody murder. If we just ignored it, what would happen? Nothing. It would just be a boring building with boring ghosts, and we’d just be another boring building with boring… whatever we are,” Simmons leaned once more on the vent, glaring up at the sky that was still dangerously bright.

“I think monsters sums us up pretty good,” Griff suggested.

“Right, monsters who don’t do anything. Over there are ghosts who don’t do anything. Whoopty-fucking-doo…”

“You gonna actually SAY that to Sarge? Hmm? Gonna finally stand up to him, use your big-boy voice, and tell the crazy old man you don’t wanna follow orders anymore? Is this beginning of your rebellious phase?” Grif reached over, shoving Simmons lightly on the arm.

“Well… no… but! I’m gonna remind him that me being outside in the day is a bad idea! YOU should get the day shift, and I should get the night shift. It just makes sense,”

“Aww, but Simmons… then we wouldn’t get to spend quality time together, having all these deep and meaningful conversations!” Grif gave him a look of fake-concern, like he was hurt and might start crying.

“Oh, right. I forgot. We’re philosophers discussing the secrets of the universe, life’s great mysteries, right?” Simmons smirked.

“Exactly… like, if you could only taste one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? No matter what you ate, it has the same flavor?” Grif asked.

“That’s a stupid question for a vampire, man. Everything I eat DOES have the same flavor now. It all tastes like blood, because guess what? I have to drink blood. Because I’m a VAMPIRE,” Simmons shook his head.

“No, but I mean, if you could magically taste something ELSE, whether you were drinking blood or eating a salad, or whatever, what would you pick?” Grif pressed on. “I’d want everything to taste like chocolate. Milk chocolate. That’s my favorite, and I’d never get sick of it…”

“Jeez… it would’ve been impossible to get you to chill out if you tasted chocolate every time you tried to eat a person!” Simmons replied, remembering how it had been with Grif when they first found him.

“Yeah, I don’t know what those other zombies were on about… brains and human flesh is GROSS. Chocolate, though? MMM, I could do the zombie-shuffle-walk for days to get some good chocolate,”

“Uh-huh, and  that’s EXACTLY how we caught you!” Simmons almost reached out to return the arm-punch, but managed to hesitate and stop in time… Grif was still in direct sunlight, and Simmons would get scorched if he left his little patch of shadow. Grif seemed to realize this, in that quiet and easy way that caused both of them to somehow pick-up each other’s habits. Grif leaned over to nudge Simmons with his shoulder, and they both laughed together.

[marshmallow-phd]

Bottom of the Glass

Genre: Bodyguard!AU, Angst

Pairing: Jinyoung  x Reader

Summary: It’d been almost ten years since you left the life of glitz and cameras behind, never looking back. But someone refused to let go. When danger comes knocking, your father insists on hiring the best to keep you safe. Reluctant, you agree. Park Jinyoung is constantly by your side, but as the stalker gets closer, will he be able to keep you safe without getting too close himself?

Part: 1 I 2

**

Dan pouted at your lack of enthusiasm to go along with his joke. Jinyoung seemed to find it somewhat amusing, given the smirk on his face. But he got over it fairly quickly.

“If you don’t mind, Daniel, I would like to talk to Miss (y/n) about the measures we’ll take to ensure her safety.”

“Absolutely,” Dan agreed. He looked at you and then back at Jinyoung. “I’ll leave you two to discuss… safety measures.”

You rolled your eyes as your friend’s retreating back. Not waiting for Jinyoung to start his no-doubt rehearsed speech on how he was going to upend your life, you went back to your desk and cleaned off the food and napkins that covered the surface. You finished your glass of wine and sat down in the chair. Jinyoung remained standing, the smirk gone, nothing left but a blank, distant expression. With no prompt from you, he got started.

“Your father has already provided me with a key to your apartment and I’ve met with the security staff there. I will have access to the cameras from my phone both for the apartment building and the hotel. I will drive you wherever you want to go, but for the time being you should limit your activities to work, home, and grocery stores. If you can work from home, that would be even better. There are agencies that will pick up your groceries and deliver them. That should be an avenue to utilize. I’m currently running background checks on employees, apartment staff and your close friends.”

“What?” A few drops of the water you had taken a sip from to counteract the wine you’d chugged found their way down the wrong pipe in your throat. “You’re looking into my friends?” You scoffed. “That’s how you knew about Dan’s line.”

“One can’t be too careful.”

“It’s Dan. He runs away from fireflies and organizes his clothes by color than by season. “Fake, pig, or otherwise, he wouldn’t have the stomach to go anywhere near blood.” If there was one person you could trust not to be behind all the phone calls and the bloody package, it would be Dan. And you refused to let this overreaching, overpaid babysitter make you paranoid and isolate everyone in your life.

Jinyoung shrugged, unmoved by your argument. “It’s the job. I can’t rule anyone out, no matter who they are to you.”

“Who’s next? My cousins?”

The silence was enough of an answer.

Leaning back in your chair, you closed your eyes and rubbed the space between your brows. “Listen. I am not working from my apartment. I have too many meetings and too much work to stay on my couch in my sweatpants. If there’s a function that requires my presence, then I’m going to go.” To let him know that you were completely serious, you opened your eyes and held his gaze. “You’re here at the insistence of my father. I’m tolerating this for his sake. But - and I will keep saying this - I’m not going to let that weirdo who is obsessed with a long forgotten past mess up my life now.”

Seconds of silence ticked by. Jinyoung kept your gaze, unmoving and unreadable. The more you stared back, the more you saw what Dan possibly saw.

This bodyguard was nothing like you had expected. He was on the shorter side, not intimidating at first glance. If you looked too long at his face, as long as he wasn’t smiling, then maybe he could insight… some sort of emotion. But you felt nothing. Nothing but annoyance, that is.

As both an actor and a director in this company, you’d learned to read people. You’d learned to search their faces for the emotions hidden underneath, to pick apart what they otherwise wanted to hide. But it was baffling to you how cutoff Jinyoung was. You saw nothing in his eyes that gave away the thoughts in his head.

Shifting minutely, he finally said, “But what is a life that’s a little out of order compared to no life at all?”

A bit of... an eccentric way to put it. “Poetic.”

He let out a fairly short laugh. “It’s been known to happen.”

You were still skeptical. You still didn’t want your life to be whirled around like you were caught in a tornado. But he had a point - the winds were already coming. And you couldn’t outrun a storm.

Crossing your arms and legs, you gave a smirk of your own. “You are certainly… not a cliché.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What were you expecting?”

“I don’t know. Something more of a Dwayne Johnson type?”

“You need speed, not strength.”

“Did you just insult The Rock?”

Over the direction of the conversation, Jinyoung sighed. “Are you done for the night? I need to inspect your apartment.”

Oh, gosh. You rarely had strangers over. Was your place even clean? Were there dishes in the sink? Fresh clothes that still needed to be put away? It didn’t matter if your apartment was pristine or in shambles like a hotel after Spring Break, you knew the bodyguard was going to force his way in. So you gave way, nodding and standing up from your desk. What was left could wait until tomorrow.

 A short car ride followed up a brief yet heated conversation in the parking garage as to who was driving. Jinyoung all but implied that he was the better driver with faster reflexes while you insisted that no one knew your car as well as you did. A pitiful argument. Your car didn’t have special modifications or a tricky gear. It was a standard, newer model that drove basically like any other motorized vehicle. It was nothing more than your first powerplay – and Jinyoung had won.

If your stalker wanted you to feel like that teenage actress again, they were succeeding.

Back then, you weren’t allowed to drive either. Too risky since teenagers had a tendency to get into more accidents and – whether it was your fault or not – whatever fender-bender you got into would end up in the tabloids. Add in the fact that you were usually in cities that you weren’t entirely familiar with and it was just best to be chauffeured whenever possible. At least this time you were able to sit in the front seat.

You handed Jinyoung the keycard that granted access to the parking garage and guided him to your assigned spot. No more words were spoken as the two of you got out of the car and headed inside.

The lobby was the only entrance to and from the garage for “security” (a word that you were going to get really tired of here soon). Once your feet hit the transition from concrete to polished tile, you headed for the elevators. Jinyoung, however, steered you away with a hand on the shoulder. His destination was the front desk where the doorman sat behind a marble barrier.

“Ah, you must be Park Jinyoung,” Walt, the doorman, greeted with a smile. He stood from his chair and leaned over the barrier to shake Jinyoung’s hand.

Walt was the doorman that you liked. He always wore a smile and had a gentle, uncle-like feel to him. The kind of uncle you enjoyed being around, not the annoying, obnoxious kind that you steered clear from at family gatherings. That title belonged to Newman, who mostly worked the late-night shift. For good reason.

“Your firm head met with us yesterday and went over the broad stroke of things. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to sit in on the meeting with our security staff earlier today with you present.” Walt didn’t seem effected by the news of your new bodyguard in the slightest.

“That’s alright,” Jinyoung nodded. “I’m sure they went over the briefing with you?”

“Absolutely. All packages for Miss (y/n) are to be collected here and left for you to inspect before being passed on to her. I’m to notate any strange behavior I see, both from strangers and from other residents.”

“Good. Good.”

“How’s your mom, Walt?” you asked, hating the feeling of being talked about like you weren’t standing right there. You just hoped that no one else living here was overhearing this conversation. You doubted that they would take too kindly to being watched and investigated like this.

Walt smiled. ��She’s doing good. Has her bad days though where she forgets what year it is or that she’s not in the country anymore.”

“I’m sorry.” Your heart went out to Walt. His situation wasn’t the easiest to handle.

“Alzheimer’s?” Jinyoung guessed in a tone that still managed to be sympathetic.

Walt nodded. “It’s slow going, though, so that’s a small blessing.”

“That’s good.”

“Have a good night, Walt,” you said. You were currently fighting back a yawn. Wine always made you tired. You don’t know why you let Dan talk you into having a glass at the office. Maybe it was the stress of your predicament that made you give in so easily.

“Good night, Miss (y/n). Get some rest.”

The smile dropped from your face as soon as the elevator doors closed. Now more than ever, you just wanted to slide between your sheets and go to sleep. There was even a little bit of hope that you would wake up tomorrow and this would all be a dream and Jinyoung would just be a face that your brain chose after seeing him in some designer clothes commercial. If the bodyguard noticed your change in posture or expression, he made no mention of it.

Getting your key into the door was a struggle, but eventually the lock clicked, and you were able to go inside your home. A sense of relief flowed over you when you closed the door behind you.

“You should get some rest,” Jinyoung suggested. This, you would not argue over. He started making rounds through the apartment, looking out the windows and checking the shelves for things you preferred not to think about. 

Grabbing a fresh towel from the hallway closet, you entered your bedroom and straight for the shower. It was twenty minutes of uninterrupted thought-processing. You talked yourself into temporarily thinking that maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

Yes, it was going to suck. Yes, you were going to get annoyed and probably fight with Jinyoung a few more times. But this was just another obstacle life was placing in your way. It was going to be a long hard climb, but you’d make it over sooner or later. As far as you were concerned, this “stalker” would eventually get bored and move on to some other has-been.

Much more relaxed, you got out of the shower and slipped into your sleepwear before going to check on Jinyoung. You found him out in the main living room fluffing up a pillow on the couch. His shoes and jacket were off but you didn’t see them in the immediate vicinity.

“What are you doing?”

He didn’t seem surprised by your sudden appearance, not even looking up at you as he answered, “Getting ready to sleep.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Out here?”

“Yes.”

Maybe he thought that the couch was his only option. Obviously your bedroom was off the table and down the hall. “I have a guest bedroom.” Well, two really, but one was being used more as an extra office-slash-storage space.

“If someone breaks in, I’ll know sooner and can respond better out here.”

You weren’t even going to try and argue. You shrugged. “Okay, have it your way.”

Not being completely heartless, you went back to the hallway closet and got out an extra blanket.

He revealed a small grin when you handed it over. “Thank you.” He sat down on the couch, eyes roaming over the room. His gaze lingered on the entryways and windows. You always kept the curtains closed, except for when it was raining or snowing. Regular sunlight was too bright for your liking and created a glare on the TV. Also… you didn’t like the idea of someone in a building across the way possibly looking in.

Okay, so maybe a little part of your brain had always been paranoid, and you just never wanted to admit. You still refused to do so out loud.

“You can go to bed,” Jinyoung chuckled. “You don’t have to watch over me. That’s my job.”

“Right.” Could you be even more awkward about this situation? Turning to go, you almost took that first step to head to your room, but then another thought jumped into priority. “Are you seriously going to sleep in your suit?”

Jinyoung looked down at his shirt and then back up at you. “Yugyeom will drop my suitcases off tomorrow. This will do for tonight.”

You snorted. “Let me guess, your luggage will contain all white button downs and perfectly tailored slacks.”

“That’s the uniform.”

Shaking your head, you turned to go. And then whipped right back around.

“I can look after myself, you know.” It was your last-ditch effort to get him to ease back. Pointless? More than likely. But you wanted Jinyoung to understand that you were not a poor damsel in distress who couldn’t tie her own shoes. You were used to taking care of yourself, doing what was best for you. The decisions in your life had been yours, for the most part.

Jinyoung’s usually stoic expression softened, if only by a fraction. “No one is doubting that. But two sticks are harder to break than one.”

Unsure of how to respond, you nodded. Now you made it to your room. Leaning back against the door, you blew the air out of your lungs. You still weren’t completely on board with this. You flipped back and forth between accepting it and wanting to fight it.

You had control issues; you can admit to that much. That was what made working in your father’s company so much better for your personality than acting. Or maybe it was because of your famous youth years that you were now obsessed with maintaining control. Whatever the reason was, that didn’t change how you are.

Bright side, (y/n). Think of the bright side.

At least he didn’t seem brutish. He was going to be stubborn on doing things his way, but he wasn’t cruel about it. So far.

He’s just doing his job.

That you didn’t necessarily hire him for.

But your father did. And it eased his worry and therefore would be better for his overall health.

“Just think of it as another acting project,” you told yourself, cringing in the process. “Act like you’re okay with it. Maybe eventually you will be.”

Eventually. Yeah, okay.

Pushing off the door, you shuffled over to the bed and slipped between the covers. It took almost an hour of tossing back and forth, crumpling your sheets and tucking your comforter in the process, but you fell asleep. Eventually.

**

Noise from the television woke you up the next morning. With a groan you flipped over to check your phone that was charging on the nightstand. It was only five-forty in the morning. Who the hell in their right mind was up this early?

Unable to fall back asleep, you gave up and crawled out of bed. After a quick maintenance run in the bathroom, you ventured outside to the living room.

Jinyoung was sitting up on the couch, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. His brow was furrowed from concentration. The news didn’t seem like anything out of the ordinary to you, but Jinyoung was entranced. The anchor was giving an update on the military conflict in another country. It was sad and depressing. You tried not to think about it too much.

“Did you actually sleep?” you asked in an effort to distract yourself. Still waking up, you wrapped your arms around yourself and let free a yawn.

“Eight hours,” he replied. You had a hard time believing that. Next to him, the blanket was folded with precision, lying neatly on top of the throw pillow. Tonight you would have to remember to get him a real pillow from the guest room to sleep on.

“It doesn’t feel like it.”

Jinyoung glanced at you over his shoulder. “You can go back to sleep.”

You shook your head. “I can’t sleep with noise on.”

“Sorry. I’ll mute the TV.” He started to reach for the remote.

“It’s alright,” you stopped him. “I’m hungry now and won’t go back to sleep with a growling stomach. Have you eaten yet?”

“Not yet.”

“I’ll make breakfast.”

“Thank you.”

You shot his back a curious glance before continuing to the kitchen. Although there was no reason to, you’d expected him to decline. Oh, well. Making breakfast for two shouldn’t be much harder than breakfast for one.

It took about fifteen minutes to put the food together. By that time, your stomach was growling viciously, and you could feel your blood sugar dropping dangerously low. To help stabilize it, you shot down a glass of orange juice. That calmed the stormy waters long enough to finish up. You took a plate out to Jinyoung first, along with silverware. He thanked you for the meal.

“Do you want anything to drink?”

“Do you have coffee?”

You nodded. You were already brewing yourself a cup. “What kind do you like?”

“I’m usually an Americano guy, but I’ll take whatever you’ve got.”

“I can do an Americano,” you said. You, erm, splurged on a nice coffee machine that basically does it all. You like your coffee fancy, as embarrassing as it is. Plain black with just creamer or sugar wasn’t enough for you.

The Americano was easy enough to make. You even had a little teal to-go cup with a lid and straw for Jinyoung to use. He half-scoffed, half-laughed at the thing when you brought it out to him, but he thanked you nonetheless. Now it was your turn to sit and eat. Usually you ate at the table, but Jinyoung was still out in the living room and you felt too awkward to eat in there when he was out here, so you joined him, taking a spot on the recliner. Tucking your feet under you, you began to break your fast. The news had moved on to a lighter, humanitarian topic, so you gave it part of your attention.

Knock, knock, knock.

Jinyoung froze. Slowly and quietly, he put the plate down on the coffee table. His hand slid under the pillow and pulled out a firearm. Now it was your turn to stiffen.

He walked slowly over to the door and peeked through the small peephole. Then his shoulders relaxed. Sliding the gun between his waist band, he opened the door with a huff.

“You’re supposed to call that you’re on your way.”

In stepped a much taller, lankier man than even the one that came with Jaebeom the other day. Though still in a suit, this bodyguard was still very boyish, smiling and giggling as he came into view. His black hair wasn’t perfectly smooth like Jinyoung’s. “I forgot. Bambam was in a hurry to get to his favorite café.”

“Now isn’t really the time for him to be flirting with the baristas,” Jinyoung deadpanned. He reached out and took the suitcase that the other one had rolled in.

“You’re just jealous that he’s better at it than you.” Noticing you, the other bodyguard waived. “Hi! I’m Yugyeom!”

You waved back sheepishly. “Hi.”

“If you get tired of this one watching you,” he jabbed his thumb in Jinyoung’s direction, “I’ll gladly take over. I’m much more fun than hyung here.”

“Yugyeom….” Jinyoung warned.

Yugyeom was undeterred. “He’s already got you up early. He tried to do that with me and Bambam, but we like sleeping. You know, like normal people. Next time, though, you should try to get up before him. He may look scary now, but when he’s sleeping, he’s actually kind of cute—”

“Yugyeom!” Jinyoung snapped. “Don’t you have a briefing to get to?”

The latter checked his watch. “Not for another hour, but I should probably wrangle Bambam away from the café before he busy the place out.” Still giggling, Yugyeom waved to you. “Nice to meet you, (y/n).”

“You, too,” you said with a laugh of your own. Jinyoung all but shoved the poor guy out the door. Once it was shut, he sighed, leaning his forehead and forearm against the wooden barrier.

“One day, I will kill him,” he whispered.

You would be lying if you said that you weren’t enjoying this a little. Jinyoung huffed and turned back to you.

“Eat your breakfast.”

He rolled the suitcase down the hall to the spare bathroom and shut the door. In a much better mood than how you woke up, you picked your silverware back up and ate happily away. If Jinyoung ever got on your nerves, you knew exactly who to contact.

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

Sweet Pandemonium - Gally (The Maze Runner) Part 10 of 16

Wow, I updated. What a shockerrrrr

~~~~~~~~~~

You bounced on the heels of your feet, anxious and excited, waiting behind the front door of your shared apartment with Teresa.

She somehow convinced Ava Paige to let you roam around the city for a few hours, saying that it would be helpful for you. You had no idea if that would be true, but you were grateful anyway. Although, you were going to be guarded the entire time. 

You understood why, but it didn’t make it any less annoying. 

“You ready?” Teresa smiled at you.

You nodded. “Yeah, ready to leave this place for once.”

“Just be careful, okay? Listen to the guard, and don’t try and escape. I won’t be able to do anything for you if you misbehave.”

You rolled your eyes. “Right...”

There was a loud knock on the front door, opening it to reveal your guard for the afternoon, dressed in casual attire so he wouldn’t draw too much attention to himself.

“Love you...”

You looked back at Teresa, slightly scowling. You tried not to scoff as you exited the apartment.

As soon as you left the building, you went wide eyed at how different the Last City looked from the ground. You had only seen it from that window, but now you were actually experiencing it for yourself.

Mostly everybody walking around were wearing masks, probably paranoid about getting the Flare. But you frowned when you saw how many children were walking with their parents, and infants in strollers.

You couldn’t help but almost tear up at the thought of all those kids dying from the Flare. You thought of your baby sister, how you would’ve done anything to save her and your parents if you had the chance.

But you forced yourself to think back to Minho, to all the kids that W.C.K.D. were torturing. You could never condone what they did, what they’re still doing. 

From the corner of your eye, you saw something that almost made your heart skip a beat. But you just decided it was your imagination. It had to be, right?

You looked to your left, and you realized it couldn’t be your mind playing tricks on you.

Thomas?

You went wide eyed when you saw him, in the middle of the street, no less. He gave you a smile, his eyes telling you to follow him. But with the soldier that was assigned to guard you, you knew it wouldn’t be so easy.

You wished you could tell him you needed to come up with a plan first.

It took so much convincing and begging from Teresa just for you to leave your cell. Trying to convince Ava to allow you to walk around the city, even for your mental health, was damn near impossible.

So how the hell were you going to ditch your guard?

You quickly surveyed the area, seeing different types of shops, company buildings, and restaurants of that sort.

Then suddenly, the idea hit you. You could almost feel the metaphorical lightbulb going off above your head. You turned back to look at your guard. “I literally have to take the biggest shit right now.”

You guard cringed in disgust. “Can’t you wait?”

“Do you want me to shit my pants, dude? The tower is so far away, I won’t be able to make it. Please.” You begged, trying to pull the best puppy dog eyes you never thought you’d ever do in your life.

The guard sighed. “Alright, fine.” He led you into some clothing store, going to the very back where the bathrooms were. “Try to hurry.”

You quickly entered the bathroom, grinning to yourself as you immediately noticed the window at the back of the room. It wasn’t too small. Thankfully, you weren’t too large. It would be a squeeze, but you’d make do.

You locked the door, pushing the trashcan in front just in case. Hopping up on the toilet seat as quietly as possible, reaching up to open the window. You jumped, thrusting yourself into the opening, trying not to groan in pain as the edge put pressure on your stomach.

You looked down to see the window was in the middle of an alleyway, away from the busy street. Huh, how lucky...

You fell very ungracefully out of the window, landing on the concrete with a thud, the impact knocking the breath out of your lungs.

“That definitely could’ve been executed better.”

You jumped at the voice, hopping to your feet, but slowly relaxing when you saw Thomas smiling softly at you. And just like that, all the pain you endured from Teresa, all the hopelessness you felt while trapped in that tower, it all seemed to fade away, just from that one smile.

You ran to him, quickly enthralling him in a tight hug. You heard Thomas chuckle breathlessly from the force of your embrace, but he held you back just as tightly.

Memories of laughing together played over and over again in your mind as you held onto him. You already cared for Thomas, but having the memories back...you couldn’t explain it. He felt more and more like a true brother as the seconds passed.

Reuniting with him just felt like a breath of the cleanest air in the world, almost like how it felt after it rained in the Glade.

“Are you okay?” Thomas asked once you pulled away.

“I am now.” You tried to smile, but it only came out forced.

Thomas frowned when he looked you over. Your eyes were dull, almost sunken in, like you hadn’t slept in years. You were well fed, but you still looked malnourished due to how pale you looked.

“What happened to you?” His voice was quiet, almost like he was afraid to ask.

“It’s a long story...a story we don’t have time for, I’m afraid. My guard is waiting. So, whatever you have to say, make it quick.”

Thomas smirked, making you confused. “You underestimate me, Y/N. You don’t have to worry, I’ve taken care of it.”

You cringed. “Should I even ask?”

“Come on.” Thomas grabbed your hand, leading you out of the alleyway and to a van. You stopped, looking to him with hesitance. “It’s okay.” He smiled reassuringly.

You sighed. “I’m trusting you, Thomas.”

You hopped into the back of the van with Thomas, and it quickly took off. During the whole ride, he had a content look on his face. It couldn’t help but make you feel uneasy. Where were you even going?

The van soon came to a halt, and Thomas turned to you. “We have to walk from here. For our safety and yours, you’ll have to be blindfolded until we get there.”

You shook your head. “Wait, no, Thomas-”

“I’ll be with you the entire time, okay? You’re gonna be safe, I promise. You said you trusted me, right?” You nodded reluctantly, and with that, Thomas gently put a cloth bag over your head, completely obscuring your vision.

You both exited the van, Thomas holding your hand as he led you through wherever you were. You were almost sure you were cutting off his blood circulation with how hard you were squeezing his hand, but he kept telling you that you were okay.

“Okay, we’re here.” Thomas removed the bag and you could finally see.

You looked around to see that you were in some sort of abandoned church. Why here?

“Y/N...”

You froze, heart pounding so hard you could hear it in your ears...you knew that voice, that voice was in your dreams every single night. But, no, it couldn’t be possible...he was dead.

You slowly looked up to see who the voice belonged to. You felt a sudden chill go down your spine as you couldn’t believe your eyes. Was this a dream? A nightmare? No, it couldn’t be real. You were still at W.C.K.D. You must be. They must be trying to trick you into believing that you escaped.

But still, knowing that it wasn’t real didn’t stop you from shedding tears. “This is so sick...even for them.” You cried.

Thomas took a step forward, but you immediately recoiled. “Y/N, what’re you talking about?”

You quickly shut your eyes tightly, placing your hands to your ears to try and block out the booming thuds in your head. “This isn’t real. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.” You kept telling yourself. “Please, stop this. Wake up...”

“Y/N, stop. You’re okay. You’re not dreaming.” Thomas tried to console you.

You felt like you couldn’t breathe, like a whole Griever was sitting on your chest, putting intense pressure on your lungs. You couldn’t control the sobs that rattled in your chest, making you tremble.

“One, two, seven, five, three...three, five, seven, two, one...”

You soon felt a pair of arms wrap around you. Thomas tried to calm you down, but it wasn’t working. You heard him order everyone out of the room.

This is such an elaborate simulation...

“Y/N...” Thomas whispered. “You’re okay. You’re okay, you’re not at W.C.K.D. This is real. I’m real. Me, Thomas.”

You looked up at Thomas, almost expecting him to turn into some horrid monster from the twisted imaginations of the people that experimented on you. But he didn’t. He just stared at you with the utmost concern in his golden brown eyes. You were so afraid to speak, you wanted this to be real so bad.

“You’re real?” Your voice broke.

Thomas nodded, smiling through the pain of seeing you in such a state. “Yes. Yes, I’m real.”

You exhaled a shaky breath, keeping your hold on Thomas. “Wait...but that means...”

Gally was alive?

After a few more minutes of trying to pull yourself together again, Thomas thought it was finally safe to bring everyone back in one by one. First, Newt entered the room.

“Newt.” You walked to him, quickly engulfing him in a hug.

“You’ve looked better, love.” He joked, well, it sounded like a joke to you, but he was really concerned.

“So have you.” You replied. “You need a haircut.” You tried to tease, but it didn’t make him smile.

Frypan couldn’t wait that much longer and entered the room and ran to you, giving you a huge bear hug that startled you, but you didn’t expect anything less when it came to your friend.

Then, Brenda and Jorge came out. “You’re still alive?” You asked her, shocked that she hasn’t turned into a Crank by now.

“Disappointed?” She smirked, pushing you softly before wrapping her arms around you while Jorge gave you a friendly smile.

And last but not least.

He walked in slowly, so slowly that it almost looked like slow motion. He didn’t want to scare you, certainly didn’t want to give you another panic attack. He wasn’t expecting that reaction. But he guessed it was reasonable, considering that seeing a person you thought was dead was suddenly not dead, but very much alive.

You felt more tears brimming your eyes again. The feelings of being in a simulation coming back, but this was real. He was real, and he was here. He was alive somehow.

“Gally?” You whimpered pitifully.

“Hey, Y/N...” Gally said, tears of his own brimming his eyes.

“You’re alive...”

Gally wanted to run to you, hug you and never let you go. But he knew how sensitive you were right now. So, he stayed where he was. “Yeah...I am.” He chuckled softly.

Almost like something clicked in your brain, you finally one hundred percent believed that this was all real. You didn’t wait one more second, you went to him. You ran to Gally and threw yourself on to him, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders. “You’re really here...” You cried, squeezing even more tightly than you already were.

Gally wrapped his arms around your waist, placing his face to your neck to breathe you in, making sure you were really there with him as he almost didn’t believe it himself.

The both of you stayed that way, almost four whole minutes of keeping in each other’s embrace. The only reason you pulled away was to look at him. He had a buzzcut, and he felt even stronger than he was in the Glade. He had a couple tears rolling down his face as he looked at you.

“How?” You stuttered. “How are you alive?”

Gally smiled. “Long story.”

His voice. You missed hearing his voice so much. You missed everything about him. His eyes, they were just as blue as the day you left him. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you, Gally. Not a day went by that I didn’t think of you.” You declared, the tears not even slowing down.

Gally reached up and caressed your face, and you leaned into his gentle touch. “I never stopped thinking about you. The thought that I might see you again was the only reason I could wake up in the morning.”

Gally pulled you back into his chest, but from the corner of his eye, he saw Thomas starting to walk over to the two of you. One glare from Gally was all it took for him to back off. He was not going to let that Greenie ruin this moment.

“I never thought I’d see you again...” You hiccupped.

“I’m here...I’m here.” Gally cooed. “And I’m never leaving you again.”

~~~~~~~~~~

 bruh finalllyyyy 😭 

[ouyangzizhensdad]

RE: WWX and his arc being about trauma. I got into the fandom through CQL and the first time I saw it I actually read a lot of his actions post the burning of Lotus Cove as being influenced by his trauma. He's paranoid even before getting thrown into the burial mounds. He seems to be self medicating with alchohol (which WQ kinda calls him out on). He over-reacts to a lot things, which seems to me like a nasty case of emotional dysregulation as a result of PTSD. He avoids all kinds (1/3)

Of reminders of his tramua, his sword being the greatest example but there were other little things. He never gave much of a fuck about propriety but the way he completely igonres it (and the possible social fallout) later speaks to me less about not caring and more about not *having* the emotional capacity to care, much like what happens with depression. Plus, a lot of his behaviour can be read with various shades of being self destructive, and there are just in general a lot of points (2/3)

Where it's made clear that he's in a pretty bad headspace (him crying about being useless in the burial mounds for example), but none of that ever really gets dealt with so all of those issues are still hanging under the surface even if they're not apparent all the time. I mean, this is just my take, but at least imo WWX ticks a lot of the checkboxes for PTSD in the drama and it explains a lot about the way he acts and the bad decisions he makes. Hope this was helpful! (3/3)

I'm only referring to the drama btw, not the novel (which I haven't read yet). My memory is terrible so I'm not sure if I made it clear or not lol. Anyways, have a good day ^^

Hi there, 

I am always curious when people who have only engaged with CQL end up engaging with my novel-only meta blog but perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised: if CQL posts end up in the mdzs tag, why not the opposite? I’ve seen some of my novel meta reblogged and tagged with “the untamed” and “CQL” so maybe the answer is already out there, staring at me in the face! 

I’ll start by saying that I do not wish to really argue with people’s interpretations of CQL since I consider that MDZS and CQL are very different works because so many changes were made in the process of adapting the novel, and I personally have no interest in analysing CQL except wrt  how it can help us better understand the novel (seeing certain elements removed or changed may help us understand why they mattered in the first place or what their use was). So I will speak to the arguments that could be applied to the novel and why *I* don’t think WWX’s arc in the novel is about trauma, and why I don’t think that picking up certain behaviours that can be exhibited by people with PTSD (but not exclusively by people with PTSD) is enough in itself to support the idea that a character’s arc is about trauma/shaped by PTSD. That does not mean that my interpretation is the only acceptable one--I am aware that a lot of people disagree with me on this and see trauma as a central theme/central part of WWX’s arc--and so I expect that a lot of people will disagree with my points (hopefully after they’ve read this post in good faith). And that’s perfectly fine: how likely is it that we can find another person who will agree 100% with our own interpretation of a work of fiction? And having divergent opinions floating around the fandom, or having to develop counter-arguments is a good way to strengthen our own pov if we don’t find ourselves convinced by that other interpretation, so it’s all good. 

So first, I’ll address the biggest point of my argument before moving to address more specific points you raise in your ask. For me, WWX’s characterisation is not about trauma but about resilience. 

So first, let’s clarify some things. Going through adversity/experiencing a situation that is difficult =/= experiencing trauma. Trauma is a concept referring to a potential response to going through adversity/experiencing something distressing or disturbing. In short, trauma as it is conceptualised and understood is not universal: not only in the sense that is a spatiotemporally specific concept used to make certain experiences intelligible, but as the reaction to difficult events (as well, what is considered to be an experience that falls under that concept is not itself universal and can take many gorms, and the behaviours and thoughts associated with trauma are generally not exclusive to it, ie having certain behaviours/thought processes is not an automatic proof that someone is dealing with trauma/ptsd). So after all this word vomit I want to clarify that my intent is not to suggest that WWX doesn’t go through experiences that are likely to cause trauma, but that to me, what is being portrayed is a different reaction to these events: resilience (if a slightly more “fictional” portrayal of resilience than what it would be presented in psychology/psychiatry). 

Resilience refers to how people adapt or recover successfully from adversity/distressing situation/stress. That does not mean that people’s first reaction to adversity/distressing situations will be not defined by negative emotions, of course. For instance, I don’t think WWX’s heightened paranoia/emotional state directly after the fall of LP when he goes to look for JC is an indication of trauma because at this point WWX is still deep in the middle of that moment of adversity: he’s still a fugitive in the middle of a war, in the middle of danger. This also doesn’t mean that people cannot still have some temporary negative reactions to things that happened to them, afterwards: WWX having to pause when JC presents him with Suibian after he returns from Mass Grave Hill is not inherently an indication of trauma as it can be read that his sword a reminder of the difficult sacrifice he made--and the consequences he faced as a result (just because a situation was not traumatic doesn’t mean we enjoy revisiting it).

Why I think that WWX’s arc or characterisation is about resilience rather than trauma is because of many things, but mostly I want to point out two sections of the novel in particular. 

First, this characterisation of WWX through JYL that we get relatively early in the novel:

Most memories from back then were already blurred. Yet, Jin Ling’s mother, Jiang Yanli, remembered all of them, and even told him quite a few. She said that, after his father heard of the news that his parents both died in battle, he had always dedicated himself to finding the child that these past friends had left behind. After searching for a while, he finally found the child in Yiling. 

The first time they met, Wei Wuxian was kneeling on the ground, eating the fruit peels that somebody tossed on the ground. Yiling’s winter and spring were quite cold, yet the child only wore thin layers. His knees were already tattered, and on his feet were two different shoes that didn’t fit at all. As he was looking down, searching for fruit peels, Jiang Fengmian called him. He still remembered that there was a “Ying” in his name, so he lifted his head. Although his cheeks were both red and chapped from the cold, he still wore a smile. 

Jiang Yanli said that he was born with a smiling look. No matter what unfortunate thing happened, he wouldn’t cling on to them; no matter what situation he was in, he would be happy. Although it sounded a bit heartless, it really was not bad.

This refers to a time of his life that is extremely difficult: he lost both his parents suddenly, at a young age, became suddenly homeless with no means to feed himself except to beg, and yet the only trauma he seems to carry from this experience is related to dogs. To me, this is a clear move from MXTX to position WWX as the kind of protagonist who can face a storm and keep his smile on his face. I can imagine that some people take it perhaps as a subversion, as the text telling us that WWX is weathering it all with a smile but underneath it all he is just a bundle of unaddressed trauma. And that’s certainly a possible interpretation, but it’s not mine. In this case I think the text is being straightforward. What we see of WWX also seems to support that: the way WWX just rolls with being brought back from the death, how easily he finds a way to adapt to things, etc.

I also find it meaningful that the novel choses to include in its ultimate chapter this discussion as part of its wrap-up of WWX’s journey and of Wangxian’s relationship.

After they left the shop, Wei Wuxian still sat on Xiao Pingguo while Lan Wangji held the reins in front.Swaying left and right atop the donkey, Wei Wuxian took the flute from his waist and placed it by his lips. The limpid notes flew across the sky like birds. Lan Wangji halted and listened quietly.

It was the song he sang for Wei Wuxian when they were stuck in the Xuanwu cave. It was also the song that Wei Wuxian just so happened to have played at Dafan Mountain, the song that enabled Lan Wangji to confirm his identity.

When he finished, Wei Wuxian winked his left eye towards Lan Wangji.

“How was it? Beautiful, huh?”

Lan Wangji slowly nodded. “For once.”

Wei Wuxian knew that ‘for once’ referred to how his memory was good for once. He could not help but smile.

“Don’t always be so angry about it. It was my fault in the past, alright? Besides, my terrible memory should be accredited to my mom.” Wei Wuxian propped his arm on Xiao Pingguo’s head, spinning Chenqing in his hand. “My mom said you have to remember the things others do for you, not the things you do for others. Only when people don’t hold so much in their hearts would they finally feel free.”

This was one of the only things he remembered about his parents.

Of course, this is not a direct reference to resilience as it is explored in psychology. But to me it speaks to that idea: one of the biggest lesson WWX has kept with him, one of his only memory of--and thus legacy from--his parents, is this idea that we should not hold so much in our hearts. It also reframes his bad memory as being the result of a philosophy, of an approach to life that not just about being grateful/paying your debts to others, but also a form of resilience, in a sense. 

As well, I find that a lot of people who go with the trauma interpretation see WWX’s actions and thoughts processes dyring his YLLZ’s days as being the result of his ptsd, where I personally read it as the influence of modao. I am aware as well that some people do not think that modao actually harmed WWX during that period of his life, but I don’t think that LWJ would have been worried if there were not reasons to believe it would:

One against two, Lan Wangji still refused to back off. He gazed at Wei Wuxian, “Wei Ying, for cultivating an evil path you would eventually have to pay. Throughout time, there has not been a single exception.”

Wei Wuxian, “I can pay.”

Seeing how unconcerned he seemed to be, Lan Wangji lowered his voice, “The path would not only damage your body, but your heart as well (此道损身，更损心性。)”

So now, onto the specific points you raised in the ask.

Self-medicating with alcohol: WWX is shown to enjoy and drink large amounts of alcohol before the fall of LP and after most of the events of the novel have unfolded. In the novel, while WQ tries to make WWX stop drinking, it is as likely to believe that it is for his health (now that he doesn’t have a golden core) than it would be because she was worried he was self-medicating. As well, heavy drinking is a very normalized behaviour (although most physicians don’t think it’s a good thing) in a lot of cultures and times, and considering WWX’s higher tolerance and his general demeanor while imbricated, his drinking is not shown to have a negative effect on his ability to live his life. The line between “self-soothing” (normal aspect of being humans dealing with emotions and hardships) and “self-medicating” (pathological) is hard to trace with alcohol consumption. As well, just because people with PTSD may self-medicate with alchohol doesn’t mean all people who self-medicate with alcohol do it because of PTSD. 

He's paranoid even before getting thrown into the burial mounds. As I mentioned briefly before, WWX is at the time a fugitive in the middle of a war: he’s still in the middle of those stressful events and his paranoia is not necessarily a maladaptive response since they are still very much fugitives in the middle of a war. Trauma is not really your reaction during but in the aftermath. It would be more telling if WWX were still exhibiting signs of paranoia in situations where he would have no reasons to. 

He over-reacts to a lot things, which seems to me like a nasty case of emotional dysregulation as a result of PTSD. I’m not certain at which reactions you are referring to here, but especially considering that some of this might be chalked up to acting choices since this is based on CQL, I probably won’t address this one point too much in relation to the novel. I do want to emphasize though that we’ve seen prior to Sunshot campaign that WWX can be quite impulsive in certain situations (hitting JZX for insulting Shijie, which he does both before and after the events of the Sunshot Campaign). As well, I do think it’s important to remember that he is still in the middle of the war during the Sunshot campaign, and that he is also hiding something pretty important from the people close to him and living a sort of double life, on top of experiencing fatigue/hunger in a way he hasn’t for years due to the loss of his golden core. In short, there are a lot of things going on that can be used to explain what can be seen as “over-reactions” without necessarily going with PTSD.

avoids all kinds  reminders of his trauma, his sword being the greatest example but there were other little things. I’ve broached in my previous discussions, but it’s also pertinent to remember his mom’s philosophy: we can also see this as WWX trying to leave in the pass this difficult sacrifice he made in order to move forward. 

He never gave much of a fuck about propriety but the way he completely ignores it (and the possible social fallout) later speaks to me less about not caring and more about not *having* the emotional capacity to care, much like what happens with depression. I have to disagree with that interpretation of WWX and WWX’s actions, but again this might just be a case of CQL-only vs novel-only interpretations of the character. One thing WWX thinks about being reborn in a “lunatic’s” body is that he’ll get to have fun, the way he never could when his actions reflected on others. So while at times WWX flaunts propriety, he is aware of how his actions can impact others and show in different situations that he is aware of propriety. His choice to protect the Wen Remnants goes against that, for sure, but it isn’t necessarily a case of not understanding the possible social fallout so much as putting other things (ie his life-debt towards WN and WQ) before propriety, as we can see for example in this exchange.

Jiang Cheng, “I’m the one who fucking wants to give you a thrashing! Yes, they helped us before, but why in the world don’t you understand that right now any remnant of the Wen Sect is a target of criticism! No matter who they are, with a surname of Wen they have committed a most heinous crime! And those who protect the Wen are at risk of being condemned by everyone! All the people loathe the Wen-dogs so badly that the worse they die the better. Whoever protects them is against the entire world. Nobody would speak for them, and nobody would speak for you either!”

“I don’t need anyone to speak for me.”

[...]

Swords unsheathed, the two stared at each other for a while. Neither was willing to take a single step back. A while later, Jiang Cheng spoke, “Wei Wuxian, have you still not realized what the situation at hand is like? Do you really need me to say it out loud? If you insist on protecting them, then I won’t be able to protect you.”

“There’s no need to protect me. Just let go.”

Jiang Cheng’s face twisted.

Wei Wuxian, “Just let go. Tell the world that I defected. From now on, no matter what Wei Wuxian does, it’d have nothing to do with YunmengJiangShi.”

“… All for the Wen Sect…? Wei Wuxian, do you have a savior complex? Is it that you’ll die if you don’t stand up for someone and stir up some trouble?”

Wei Wuxian stayed quiet. A while later, he answered, “So that’s why we should cut ties right now, in case anything I do affects YunmengJiangShi in the future.”

a lot of his behaviour can be read with various shades of being self destructive Which ones, specifically? I’m not trying to be obtuse, but I’m not sure which ones you mean. 

he's in a pretty bad headspace (him crying about being useless in the burial mounds for example) It needs to be said that the crying is only in CQL (it was an acting choice by XZ). My memory is playing tricks on me, but I think pre-rebirth we only see him cry after he kills JZX and after JYL’s death? Someone please fact-check me on this. 

Since I don’t believe it was MXTX’s intent to make WWX’s characterisation and arc about trauma, I do feel like interpreting the different behaviours as signs of his PTSD might lead us to miss out on other potential interpretations or meanings behind these choices, if we put aside the PTSD angle. It may also lead us to deny the text the possibility to signify something different through these behaviours and signs, especially on a thematic level--to explore something about how events and emotions shape us in a manner that exists outside of modern psychiatric classification.

TLDR (because god this got long): My point is not that WWX is unaffected by the things that happened to him or the things he’s done during this portion of his life: of course he is! Especially as they are happening to him, or when he is still stuck in a very difficult situation. But I don’t think his character and his arc is about trauma but instead about resilience. That, at the end of MDZS, WWX is still the person JYL described: No matter what unfortunate thing happened, he wouldn’t cling on to them.

[hood-ex]

Hello there! So, I saw you answer an ask earlier about the Batfam, and I agree with that user that you have a really good grasp on their relationships/dynamics. So, I've got a question for you pertaining to reactions for them, aka how they react to things. (sorry for long ask)

I'm writing a fic where Dick dies of "natural causes" (Batfam believe this) and I'm trying to figure out how/if the Batfam would react to this. Bruce is honestly the hardest to figure out for me, because I feel like Jason obviously messed him up because he was fairly young when he died (along with Damian, even though it was a bit different), but in this au, Dick is almost 30. Personally, I believe that Tim wouldn't believe he's dead (kinda like with Bruce and his whole time travel thingy), Damian would be kinda/hella depressed without support, and Jason would want Dick to r.i.p because he knows what that sh*t is like along with coming back to life.

All this to say: How do you think the Batfam boys (Bruce, Jason, Tim, Damian) would react to Dick's death? DC never really explores that imo

If Dick died very suddenly then I think Bruce would run every test under the sun to determine what the cause of death was. He’d factor in everything. He’d figure out where Dick was leading up to his death. He’d check to see who Dick was in contact with leading up to his death. He’d check every little thing to make sure that Dick’s death wasn’t caused by an outside source. 

@bigskydreaming has actually mentioned his take on how Bruce would react to Dick’s death, and I found it very interesting. I’m gonna paraphrase what I remember of it (Kalen, come yell at me if I remembered it wrong.) Basically, his idea was that Bruce wouldn’t be able to acknowledge the fact that Dick was dead. To preserve his own sanity, he would go on pretending that Dick was just on a never-ending mission. Basically, he’d live in denial. 

I think that’s an interesting way to think about it. It would be kinda like one of those fics where the author makes you think a character is alive, but then once you get to the end of the story, you realize that the character has actually been dead the whole time, and the narrator was pretending they were still alive or was talking about them as if they were still alive. 

On the other hand, we’ve seen how Bruce reacts when his family members die. With his parents, he became Batman. With Jason, he became depressed and reckless. With Damian, he brought Damian back to life. With Alfred, he let go of his responsibility as head of the family. (So his reactions are a bit extreme.)

If Bruce found out that someone had killed Dick, I think he would 100% go after them with the intention of killing them. He did it when Jason died, and he attempted/threatened to kill the villains when he thought they had killed Dick (I’m referencing Alexander and Luthor). Also, recently, he beat the absolute shit out of KGBeast after Dick got shot in the head. He left KGBeast to die in the snow knowing damn well that KGBeast couldn’t move because Bruce had broken his back. 

If Bruce genuinely thought Dick died from natural causes, I think he would become obsessed with making sure his other kids didn’t fall to that same fate. That could mean doing way more medical screenings more often. Making sure everyone is eating properly and exercising. Becoming extremely paranoid about things like head injuries that could cause unexpected side effects. 

I think Jason and Damian would both find it shocking and ridiculous that someone like Dick would’ve died randomly rather than dying in the field. I could see Jason making some insensitive comments about Dick to hide his real feelings. Stuff like, “Wing was always good at dodging bullets. Heart attacks? Not so much.” 

I don’t think Jason would really want to talk about it. Him and Dick weren’t super close, but I think Dick’s death would still bug him considering their history together. So, yeah, he’d think about Dick but wouldn’t really bring him up unless he wanted to hurt Bruce. Like if him and Bruce were really going at it over something, I could see him throwing Dick’s death in Bruce’s face (kinda like when he taunted Bruce over Dick most likely being dead after Chemo fell on Bludhaven.) 

I could also see Jason muttering about Dick under his breath when he was alone. Just kind of like a one-sided conversation. Essentially stuff like, “You would have had this figured out by now if you were here” and “Did you hear what Bruce said to me? Fuckin ridiculous. You would’ve cussed him out.”

Tim would be similar to Bruce in that he would want all the answers. He’d want to know what happened to Dick and how it happened. 

Now Dick and Tim haven’t been as close in Rebirth so I can’t accurately determine just how impacted Tim would be by Dick’s death. But if we’re talking about a Post-Crisis Dick and Tim relationship then Tim would be completely devastated. 

I’m talking like... getting choked up seeing Dick’s empty spot at the dinner table. Going through all the voicemails Dick left for him on his phone. Getting really depressed whenever he needed to talk to someone because the person he used to always go to is now dead. On the inside he’d be a crying river and on the outside he’d be a wall of stone. 

Tim would possibly contemplate using a Lazarus pit to bring Dick back. He tried to use one in the later Nightwing issues to bring his parents and friends back only to be stopped from doing so by Dick. I don’t know, maybe he’d throw the idea out there to Damian. 

Like Bruce with the Joker and KGBeast situation, Damian’s instinct would be to go after the person who killed Dick if he found out that someone was responsible for it. In the scenario where Dick dies of natural causes, I think Damian would mostly just be depressed and have a lot of repressed emotions. I could see it all boiling over one day and Damian either letting his anger get the best of him or his sadness overwhelming him to the point of tears. 

Lately, Damian has been reflecting on Alfred a lot since Alfred died. We’ve seen him have some flashbacks of good memories with Alfred. I think Damian would try to find comfort in good memories with Dick, and then reality would hit him like a punch to the face, leaving him in either a bad or depressed mood. 

I think Damian would also feel guilt. Guilt for not hugging Dick more when he had the chance. Guilt for never telling Dick how grateful he was or how much he loved Dick. On the flip side, I could see him being irrationally angry too (like he was when Dick was shot in the head). Muttering stuff like, “Tt. You were Batman, Richard! You were supposed to be untouchable!”

But, yeah, that’s basically how I think they would individually react to Dick’s death. Since Dick has such an important part in the family just like Alfred does, I think the batfam would find it really hard to put the pieces back together after losing him. Dick was essentially a mediator between Bruce and Damian as well as between Tim and Damian. Those three left on their own without Dick to balance them out would not be pretty. I mean, look what’s happened recently since Dick’s had amnesia alkjda. 

Of course, we saw that the family got along when everyone except Bruce thought that Dick was dead during the Agent 37 shtick. I think one of the key reasons that seemed to work is because Bruce knew Dick wasn’t actually dead. He wasn’t feeling any real repercussions from Dick’s death like other members in the family were. So if Dick had stayed dead during that time then I don’t think the batfam would have gotten along as well as they did since Bruce would have been acting completely different. 

Anyways, hopefully that helped!