geureuda

[wattemeer]

IDK I'm obsessed with snake Luci sobs

[lycheefruiit]

Pepito just came up to Foolish, said 'awelo' and dropped this

[paleghostinthecorner02]

I would raise my dad from the dead just to murder him with my own two hands to have this as a plushie. I don't care if the joke is her eyes are creepy, she's adorable and I'll take ten.

Credit to chocolate duckling on TikTok

[coffie-coffieraptorstudios]

OKAY BUT I WAS KILLED ON THE SPOT TWICE WHEN HE MADE THAT FUCKING SQUEAL OF JOY NOT ONCE- BUT TWICE

CAN I PLEASE GET THAT CLIPPED I NEED IT FOR PERSONAL REASONS

[weeping-vintage-toes]

I am going to meet Jesus rn

[a-treatise-on-velociraptors]

Why is Lord of the Beans such a genuinely good little LOTR parody though

[tuiyla]

sending this in advance so i don’t forget: final two episodes of tslocg s2, tell me all the thoughts -dan

bestie I'm processing 😭😭

God I feel like there's so much to cover with all the girls, all their season 2 arcs coming to a close and setting up season 3 (which is happening!!) Overall I have to say the story left something to be desired? Not even the story beats themselves but the buildup. I'm fine with where we leave the girlies but I don't feel like all the storylines were developed properly. I feel like I need to do a post on all four separately (after you also share your thoughts gimmeeee) I probs won't but might elaborate on Leighton lol

Buuut okay to summarize long thoughts succinctly:

Leighton's development, while golden, wasn't built up properly so I can't enjoy properly. She hadn't even mentioned the women's center this season and then BUMM oh hey besties I missed you also I get what you're on about now and I'm spreading the word xoxo. Like, that's a nice thought but just this season Leighton was rolling her eyes at angry feminist crap and hadn't mentioned the women's center since. And I'm not against her and Alicia getting back together but I'm sorry, Tatum was done dirty to enable this sudden-feeling development for Leighton. It feels like season 2 didn't quite pickup the Leighton development where season 1 left off but in the last two eps we were acting like it did. Sure, Tatum was being an ass and like Leighton was in season 1 but it feels harsh to leave her like that after Tatum was nothing but supportive in eps 7 and 8. It's like, oh yeah we don't need her anymore since Alicia's back, okay byeeee. Again I have lots of thoughts on this but in summary: Tatum was done dirty, the idea behind Leighton's arc good but lackluster execution. I do like the sorority storyline finally going somewhere and fuck if I didn't looove the scene between Leighton and her mom, but again it just felt a liiiitle bit unearned. happy she's by far the most content at the end of the season I just wish I could be more satisfied with how it went down.

Bela's arc, on the other hand, was much more meticulously done and though that one ends on an opposite, downer note, at least it was following up on things established throughout the season. I feel bad for girlie but after hitting this lowest point at least she can try and pick herself up again. She's living with the consequences of her own actions and needs this low point to emphasize the consequences of actions, but she'll also need the girlies to help pick her up. It's brutal but at least it's engaging on a storytelling level and doesn't feel like a copout. Thankfully season 3 is happening and we're not leaving her at the lowest point, we can actually go on to build from here. Bela's exercising more self-reflection here and all she needs is to not run away from the problems but look within herself, and love herself. I think that's beautiful, as hard as it was to support her wrongs this season. Solid stuff; not the happiest, but good stories don't equal constantly happy stories.

Whitney had good stuff all this season, not the strongest hitting but a sort of rebuilding of her foundations and I loved that for her. I... don't quite know where I stand on the now love triangle with Canaan and I do feel like the season just leaves her hanging at the end there. Not as happy as Leighton, not as far fallen as Bela. I'm glad she found herself this season but the decision to then end her in a love triangle and moving to Kappa feels more like a catalyst for general drama than in advancement of her own story. We'll see what happens though.

Kimberly had her big storyline in the first half with the financial problems and selling her eggs, and I guess that was that? So now in the second half she was free to exist outside that financial stress but apart from episode 7 it didn't feel like they knew what to do with her. While I'm not nearly as sorry about him as Tatum, Jackson also feels like he was done just a little dirty after all the buildup the two had. And for what, Kimberly and Canaan? I don't hate it, but I also don't have strong feelings either way. Like with Whitney, it feels more like drama for the sake of drama than an organic development. Kimberly was the most stable of the four in this second half and then this happened. I'm trying not to think the idea of a love triangle including two of the girls is inherently bad but I have a few bones to pick with how other storylines got executed. Soooo that doesn't exactly inspire confidence.

Despite being divided into the four main parts that feels messy lol, sorry. But I hope you're ready to share alllll your thoughts because I'm super curious. Even after writing this I'm still processing. I'm just happy we're for sure getting season 3 and will try to just, move on until next November lol. Well I'll also be rewatching the whole show soon, but, you know, after that. I did enjoy the finale and the whole season, the jokes were great and I liked the vibes. Some things just felt rushed in these two episodes and that's not justified imo when season 1 packed a lot too and when season 2 had eps that were more filler than anything.

[bruciemilf]

I’m on the second episode of My Adventures With Superman and I KNOW I know, this deserves to be Clark’s show, BUT HEAR ME OUT A SECOND.

Imagine the Waynes didn’t die and Thomas is trying DESPERATELY to buy the Daily Planet from White, but to absolutely no avail.

“For the last time, Wayne, you can have this company when the Gotham Knights win a Stanley Cup.”

“Y’all cheated last year and you KNOW it, White! Come on! We knew each other for 20 years—“

“Not true.”

“You gotta have ONE nice thing to say about me! You saw my charity records? My trip to the Amazon? I found a goddam dinosaur, for Pete’s sake!”

“And you sent it to the Gotham museum.”

“…Well yeah, it looked real pretty.”

“Look, Wayne. I can either give your ego the stroke of the century, or keep Lane and those two idiot interns in check, but I can’t do both. Now get out of here, or—“

Clark clearing his throat, holding two cups of coffee in his comically large hands, “Uh, the coffee machine broke, so I had to run to the store. Is this a bad time?”

Thomas whistling, because what the FUCK. “Christ, boy, how tall are you? How tall is he, White? You a security guard? You WANNA be a security guard?”

“Uh, Clark Kent. Idiot intern,” Clark introduced himself politely despite Perry’s grumbling.

Needless to say, Thomas Wayne is…Intimidating.

“I’ve heard about your research on metahuman physics, Mr. Wayne. It’s brilliant.”

“Oh, that? That was all my boy, really. He’s got all these ideas about reinventing the healthcare system for everybody or something like that. Hell, he wants to invent some bandaids for that Superman fella. “

“That,” Clark blinked, “Actually sounds amazing.”

“Right?. The other day he came to me like, ‘Can I have 30,000 for a research expedition?’ You should’ve seen him in his little lab coat, — cutest thing. Hold on, I have pictures.”

Clark expected a particularly eccentric 10 year not, not a — gorgeous— adult man in what looked to be a great amount of eyeliner and one hell of a scowl. “He’s…” gorgeous, “He seems interesting.”

“Ain’t he? You should meet him sometime. Hates talking to the press, but, I’m sure we can arrange something. “

“Good luck with that. I tried interviewing the kid alone for 10 minutes and Mr. Wayne here kept getting in the way. Probably because he has something to hide.”

“Bruce ain’t really made for the camera, so I had to step in, ya know how it is. He ain’t really the independent kind.” Thomas shrugs. “I know, I know, — you gotta leave em to fly sometimes, and while I bet he’d look cute tryin’,”

Thomas chuckles, but it doesn’t sound amusing. At all. “No bird leaves MY nest.”

—

Clark finds out why Perry can’t prove Thomas Wayne is Batman. It’s because he’s wrong. He’s listened to Batman’s heartbeat before. And Thomas doesn’t stutter.

Bruce Wayne does, thought.

[algae-tm]

LOVE STORY

Max Verstappen x Author!Reader

Author’s Note: IM BACK!! To put things into perspective, I started this smau when Alex’s insta was still private! Tbh I started writing it cause I like love her, I can’t call her mother cause she’s like a month older than me, but that’s cousin right there. Anyways sorry for the hiatus i was spiralling due to a man 😔😔 it happens to the baddest bitches, and also sort of writers block so pls give me requests! But to make up for the fact that I’ve been gone, this fic is fat as fuck so enjoy

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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alexandrasaintmleux: gorgeous gorgeous girls are published authors!!!! y/n, y/n! I remember when you used to force me to read when I wanted to play princesses and now you’ve written a goddam book!!! In awe of u 📕🥰🥰

(tagged y/nreads)

view all comments

yn.reads : ALEXXXX!! my gorgeous sister! I couldn’t have done it without you!! Love you endlessly!

— user1 : wait r they sisters???!!

— user5 : no! hope this helps.

— user6 : pls use your brain

— user7 : they’ve known eachother forever! y/n moved to Monaco when she was 4, so they refer to eachother as sisters.

charles_leclerc: bravo y/n! Well deserved

maxverstappen1: 👏🏻👏🏻

— user43: 🤨🤨

— user10: wait do they know eachother?

— user15: not as far as i know…

— user12: Max doesn’t even follow Alex, why is he here?

— user17: interesting 🤭🤭

— alexandrasaintmleux: very interesting…

yn.reads just posted

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, maxverstappen1 and 110,000 others

yn.reads: @alexandrasaintmleux thank you for letting me shake ass on your yacht, and cosplay as a rich monegasque while doing it! Your support has meant the world to me, you’re the reason Everything I Know About Love was written, cause you have taught me everything I know about love, friendship, life! You can purchase my book in just under a week guys!!

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alexandrasaintmleux: I’m so proud of you baby xx

— yn.reads: i love you so much alex, i had to write 124,567 words to express it

— alexandrasaintmleux: 🥹🥹

—charles_leclerc: am i intruding on something?

— yn.reads: yes!

user12: no but Alex and y/n’s friendship is literally my favourite thing

user11: is y/n not a rich monegasque?

— user10: she’s not even from Monaco, and she grew up with a single mum who I’m p sure just has a normal job so no

user14: not y/n using Alex for her money

— yn.reads: do y’all never get tired? Or is hating on the internet like your job?

— user14: no I have an actual job you should try it sometime…

— yn.reads: girl???? I just wrote a book?????

maxverstappen1 : I will read this book

— yn.reads: thank you max verstappen, current f1 champion

— user16: 🤨🤨🤨

— alexandrasaintmleux: what am I witnessing rn

— yn.reads: 🙃🙃

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yn.reads just posted

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yn.reads: BOOKLAUNCHBOOKLAUNCHBOOKLAUNCH

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lewishamilton: 👏🏾👏🏾

— yn.reads: WHAT THE FRICK LEWISHAMILTON??? What are you doing here??????!!

— alexandrasaintmleux: girl you good??

— yn.reads: am I good?? AM IGOOD?? Lewis freaking Hamilton knows I exist!!!

— charles_leclerc: please stop embarrassing me in front of my coworkers

— yn.reads: kick rocks leclerc

pierregasly: well done, me and kika already have our copies

— yn.reads: 🥺🥺 thank you pear and kiks

alexandrasaintmleux: so proud of you mon ange

— yn.reads: I love you so much alex

— user12: their friendship is so cute I can’t

— yn.reads: friendship?? We’re lovers!

— user12: wait are you actually???

— charles_lecelrc: NO

— yn.reads: don’t be jealous sharl

charles_leclerc: well done I guess

— yn.reads: thank you I guess

— alexandrasaintmleux: aww my two favourite people getting along ❤️🥺🥺

— user12: I need my doctor to prescribe me whatever the fuck Alex is on EXPEDITIOUSLY

user14: girl no one gives a fuck about your book launch, we want to know wtf happened at the after party??!

—user15 wait, did I miss something what happened?

— user14: it’s all over social media but it starts with max and ends in verstappen

maxverstappen1: simply lovely

— user14: well well well

— user15: and she didn’t even interact with his comment

— user14: very interesting…

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maxverstappen1 just posted

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maxverstappen1: I’ve got a NYT bestselling author teaching me how to read

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charles_leclerc: I made this happen everyone! It was me! I did it!

— yn.reads: yes well done percy, we’re well aware

— user12: wait a minute Charles did something nice for y/n?

— user14: my moneys on the fact he was just trying to get rid of her so he could spend time with Alex

— charles_leclerc: what if i told you im a mastermind 😎

yn.reads: it isn’t much but it’s honest work 😔

— danielricciardo: has he learnt his abc’s??

— yn.reads: just about he gets stuck on x, it’s a very difficult letter

— danielricciardo: happens to the best of us 😞

— yn.reads: @/danielricciardo hey I actually have a question for you??

— maxverstappen1: NO!! Y/N DO NOT ASK UR QUESTION

— yn.reads: ☹️☹️

user16: is this a hard launch??

— user14: Idek anymore 😭

— user17: like knowing y/n she might actually just be giving him reading lessons

— maxverstappen1: guys of course I can actually read

— user16: yeah sure you can! That’s the spirit!

yn.reads: I bagged the baddest bitch y’all

—maxverstappen1: 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️💅🏼💅🏼

— alexandrasaintmleux: I thought I was the baddest bitch???

— yn.reads: oh my god… OH MY GOD, I didn’t think this through… @/maxverstappen1 what do you think of a throuple??

— maxverstappen1: NO

— charles_leclerc: NO

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

TAGLIST

@forevercaffeinated-lee

@callsignwidow

@a-beaverhausen

@emryb

@c0deincrazy

@dontworryaboutitokie

@c-losur3

@chuxk-lerclerk

@silkenthusiasts

@ietss

@sp1rl

[pomefioredove]

Okay okay, hear me out. Lilia with the quote “trouble never looked so goddam fine”. I can imagine as the parental figure of Diasomnia he tries to set a good example even with his playful behavior. No clue if you write for him so this is a bit of a shot in the dark. Have a lovely day/night ♡

I write soo much lilia 🫡 this was a really fun prompt!!

summary: "trouble never looked so goddamn fine." type of post: short fic characters: lilia additional info: romantic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu, flirting is MAYBE a little suggestive if you want to read it that way, reader flirts back a liiiittle bit

"And... please... no trouble," Silver says, already sounding weary at the thought of the night to come.

Lilia tilts his head to the side, feigning innocence.

"Me? Trouble? Never," he says.

"...Though I'm wounded by your lack of faith! You know I wouldn't do anything to scare them off!"

Silver sighs. "Alright. They just mean a great deal to Malleus, and I'll be busy watching Sebek all night so he doesn't deafen them,"

Lilia chuckles; he's tempted to tell Silver to relax a little, it's just a small dinner with Malleus' new friend, nothing to worry about!

...Though, he has to admit, he is very much looking forward to meeting this mysterious individual.

"They're older than I expected," Silver mutters, looking towards the door as Malleus leads you inside.

Curious, Lilia thinks, though he only responds to Silver with a nod.

Malleus pulls out a chair for the prefect like a proper gentleman. You thank everyone for having you over. How cute.

"...I do hope you've met Sebek, being in the same year. Next to him is Silver, another one of my knights-in-training, and this is Lilia Vanrouge,"

Lilia waves, his mind wandering to a dangerous place as he smiles at you from across the table, cradling his chin in his palm.

Malleus starts explaining the architectural history of the building, and you nod along, making a valiant effort to listen.

...Though (and much to his delight), Lilia still catches you stealing glances in his direction.

He knows he's supposed to behave, but trouble never looked so damn fine.

Silver asks something about the statues on the building, and sets Malleus off on another tangent about the differences between gargoyles and grotesques...

Something you've probably heard before, if your silence is any indication.

Lilia takes the opportunity to make his move, tentatively nudging his shoe against yours from under the table.

Your eyes dart towards him, perhaps expecting an apology; he smiles, giving you an open invitation instead.

You glance between him and the others, then return the nudge.

Oh, this is fun.

Lilia hasn't felt so restless in ages. Having to stay relatively still and discreet is killing him.

But he is nothing if not patient. He has all the time in the world.

He leans against his elbows, teasingly rubbing up the side of your leg while you try to answer a question, flustered.

You're quite the entertaining thing, he'll give you that.

Lilia could easily take this a step further, and he's almost tempted to do so. Then-

"Fa-Lilia, are you listening?" Silver says, momentarily stumbling over his words. You raise an eyebrow at the slip up, but are apparently too polite to ask.

"Hm?"

"Malleus asked you to tell the Prefect about your travels,"

Malleus nods, smiling softly. "I think they would enjoy them, they're quite interesting,"

You return the smile, turning your attention back to Lilia. "I think I would,"

He tilts his head to the side, almost intrigued by the mysterious lilt in your tone, before he feels you returning the teasing gesture from earlier.

"Go on, I'm at the edge of my seat,"

[oldmannapping]

Mama - a Red Hood fanfic

Directly inspired by this post by @webshood

Excerpt:

You don’t jack a car in Crime Alley. And you definitely don’t jack a car in Crime Alley that almost certainly has a child in it.

The “Welcome To Gotham: 10 Things You Need To Know” pamphlets that Harley Quinn earnestly distributed to newcomers to the Gotham underworld were very clear about Red Hood’s list of Dos and Don’t.

Among the top Don’ts were:

Crime in Crime Alley

Crimes against women in Crime Alley

Crimes against children in Crime Alley

Mama

It wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t been so goddam cute.

Felicia Aidia, barely a year old. Couldn’t quite walk yet, but she could stand unassisted for five seconds of startled jubilance before her own shock at the situation would send her flopping back on her adorable diapered butt. Huge almond eyes that were nearly black, wispy black hair and full pink cheeks, she looked altogether too cherubic to be real.

Felicia had been strapped safely in a booster seat, poking at the condensation on the window of the rideshare car she was in with her babysitter, when they were carjacked by an idiot with either a death wish or less situational awareness than a stoned beetle.

There was no other excuse for why this man jacked a She-Share, one of the brightly-marked cars in a fleet that was famous for being Gotham’s first rideshare company to boast child seats in every one of their vehicles at no extra cost.

They were famously affordable and primarily utilised by single parents in low-income areas such as Crime Alley.

You don’t jack a car in Crime Alley. And you definitely don’t jack a car in Crime Alley that almost certainly has a child in it.

The “Welcome To Gotham: 10 Things You Need To Know” pamphlets that Harley Quinn earnestly distributed to newcomers to the Gotham underworld were very clear about Red Hood’s list of Dos and Don’t.

Among the top Don’ts were:

Crime in Crime Alley

Crimes against women in Crime Alley

Crimes against children in Crime Alley

The car thief had shoved the driver and Felicia’s babysitter out of the vehicle but utterly failed to notice the giant car seat and the appropriately-sized child occupying it.

A city-wide Amber Alert was out within minutes, which honestly was pretty good considering it happened in Crime Alley and Gotham police liked to pretend that area was just a mysterious Bermuda Triangle kinda place where people just mysteriously went missing, who can say why, oh well, what can you do.

The police were fast but Red Hood was faster.

The vigilante was leaping across rooftops with the speed of a panther. One police helicopter pilot completely forgot their assignment and started following him instead of the stolen car. People livestreamed blurry videos of the car careening around corners that hadn’t yet been blocked off, panning up to catch a glimpse of red metal and brown leather streaking across the sky in pursuit.

The end was anticlimactic. Hood crashed onto the roof of the car from the awning of a deli like a feral beast and punched straight through the driver’s side window. He knocked the driver out and wrested control of the vehicle until it skidded to a stop a few blocks away from the official police cordon.

Before any officers got there, Hood had hogtied the unconscious car thief and carefully extracted Felicia from her carseat.

She let out a small, uncertain wail at the sight and sound of cheering locals, crowding close to film and too boisterous with relief to realise they were scaring a baby.

Felicia pouted. It had been loud, and then fast, and then unfamiliar, and then loud again, and suddenly she was outside, and she was supposed to be napping, and she didn’t know any of these people.

Wait, yes she did. The man cradling her protectively with one arm and holding the other out to the crowd, telling them to, “Back off, back off, give her some space,”, she’d seen him before. She didn’t know how but he was familiar. His big red face (no eyes, very strange, no mouth too! How did he suck his thumb?) wasn’t scary. He was the man on the wall painting! The big wall near the playground had a picture of him painted on it. The playground was safe, and he reminded her of the playground. He was holding her protectively and he was all nice and warm.

Felicia didn’t know many words. But she did know the word she used for the person who felt safest.

“Mama!” she said loudly, clinging to the red man’s arm. “Mama!”

“It’s okay, kiddo,” he said in a very soothing voice for someone without a mouth, “We’ll get your mom.”

A police officer arrived and tried to take Felicia away. She did not appreciate it.

“Mama!” she cried louder, torn between frustration and fear. No one ever listened to her! She reached for the red man. “MAMA!”

Well. Like we said. She was so goddam cute. All eyes were on her fat little face, her adorable, freshly-rescued, chubby little hands reaching out to Red Hood. Everyone was filming her on their phones.

And she called the Red Hood “Mama”, in a perfectly clear, tiny, adorable little baby voice.

Of course it went viral.

For a while, it was a fun in-joke between Gothamites. People playing vigilante bingo to see who they’d spot each night would jokingly ask each other if they’d seen “Mama” down by the docks. Goons blustered amongst themselves that “Mama” didn’t scare them, as they kept their heads down and prayed he didn’t notice them. One bold news website captioned a picture as “Red Hood/Mama” in a story about Felicia’s rescue, while the commenters lost their minds either rofl skull skull skull dying laughing or warning the editors that they should be careful in case the trigger-happy vigilante didn’t have a sense of humour.

Closer to Hood’s home though, the reception was different. And, to him, wholly unexpected.

It started with Felix, the 16-year-old who’d been a sex worker until Hood cleaned up the under-18 scene in the Alley, and who now helped shuttle street kids to the lowkey safehouses Hood and his team had set up. Felix was a good middleman the kids trusted to take them somewhere with food, water, electricity, and no one called CPS. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a good compromise until Hood could clean the stink out of the city’s social services.

Felix was smoking on a stack of crates one night, chatting to a couple of his friends, when Hood strolled over.

“Hola, Mama,” Felix greeted casually, taking a drag of his cigarette as his friends choked.

Hood just sighed. “Not you too.” With a weary exhale, he got to business. “I got those extra blankets you needed for the safehouse on Cedar. They’re at the Warehouse B if you want to run them over tonight. Sheila knows you’re coming, she’ll sort you out.”

And so, with Felix not dead and two witnesses with big mouths to tell the tale, word spread. It was open season on Red Hood’s new nickname.

“Hey, mama!” called the girls on the corner as Hood checked to make sure none of the johns had gotten too rough.

“Mama’s here!” crowed the gays and theys across the block as he dropped off condoms and hot soup.

“It’s mama!” announced the receptionist at the shelter when Red Hood stopped by to do an inventory check.

Everywhere he went.

Whatever. It would pass. People’s attention spans were shot to shit, and the loudest viral jokes always burnt out the fastest. At least, Hood was pretty sure. He wasn’t really online much but it was impossible to exist in the world without hearing a few meme references, and they always seemed to die out fast. When was the last time anyone talked about Baby Shark? Or that kid who said “corn” weird? This would blow over.

Granted, it was taking a bit longer than Hood initially expected.

When Dick gleefully changed his name in the Family Chat, Jason ignored it. He never replied to that thing anyway.

When Red Robin said, “Mama, you’re clear,” in perfectly neutral tones during an otherwise routine surveillance operation, and several comm lines immediately muted themselves, Jason ignored it.

When Damian’s new black kitten, with huge blue eyes and a white streak on the forehead, was named Mama, Jason started to get annoyed. Even DAMIAN?

When Roy answered his call with, “Mama, I missed you!” followed by thirty seconds of unhinged cackling, Jason hung up the phone and didn’t speak to Roy for three days.

When Cass used the ASL sign for Mom to relay information to him during a mission brief, his shoulders dropped.

When Alfred gave him an exquisite pink cupcake on the second Sunday of May, Jason thanked him, left the room, walked into the nearest bathroom, carefully put the cupcake on the bench, and screamed into a towel for six minutes.

When Duke finished a story about growing up in the Narrows with, “Mama knows what I’m talking about, right?”, Jason was defeated.

Fine. They win. Everyone wins.

He worked so hard on a legacy. He dug out of his own GRAVE. He clawed himself back from insanity and anger and reclaimed himself, reclaimed Red Hood, reclaimed his home. He carved a new space for himself, not quite a vigilante, not quite a villain. He made his own rules. He built an empire.

And now, he’s FUCKING Mama.

Life isn’t fair. Sometimes the Joker kills you and you sever heads and butcher bad guys and build up a reputation and then one goddam adorable child says two goddam syllables and you’re fucking MAMA for the rest of your goddam life.

Fuck it. He’s going home. He’s too tired for this shit.

[prettyboypistol]

TF2 x M!Reader|| How The Mercs Get Jealous!

You and the merc have just started dating, and have kinda kept it on the down low for the time being. While at a neutral zone bar, the Scout from the opposite tram decides to try and shoot his shot with you.

No dadspy.

Scout

He already doesn't like the fact that he is at a bar where BLU is drinking at, even if it was a neutral day! But what really got to him was how blatantly his (obviously inferior, duh!)counterpart started hitting on you! First it was a shot that he covered, then it was a joke that made you laugh a little too loudly. Jeremy bit the inside of his cheek and got between you two rather quickly.

"Hey. Back off freak! Like he'd ever want some knockoff, halfwit, loser lookin' Scout like you!"

You couldn't help but choke back a laugh as the BLU Scout gave Jeremy a once over, then backed away with a sneering of something under his breath.

"Hey, whaddya say!? Say it to my face, punk!" Jeremy shouted. Before he got up from his spot next to you to beat the BLU's face in, you put a hand on his shoulder.

"Jer, please. Like you said, why would I want a knockoff over the #1?"

Jeremy turned to you with a look of confidence- but you knew him well enough to know that he was clearly hiding a but of insecurity.

"You're my Scout." You assured sweetly, "accidentally" brushing your hand against his. That seemed to put his spirits back up.

Soldier

"NOW YOU LISTEN HERE, SON! THIS MAN RIGHT HERE IS RED PROPERTY! IF YOUR SCUMMY BLU HANDS EVEN TOUCH HIM, YOU'LL WISH SOONER THAT YOU TRIED FOR OUR INTELLIGENCE!"

Scout gave you both a weird look and backed off, hands up in a sign of defensiveness. You nudged Soldier's shoulder before quickly whispering in his ear.

"Solly! You're gonna get us to lose bar privileges this week!" You remind him, rather sternly. It had been a while since you had socialized in a neutral zone, after all!

"Why? That Scout was clearly looking to upset the neutral agreement!"

"He asked me about weather probabilities to see if he was going to have to fight in the rain tomorrow! We broke BLUS weather detection, remember?"

"Hmph! Sounds like worming his way into our intelligence! You're lucky I was here to stop him, private!"

You rolled your eyes with a tired smile as you went back to your drink, but felt the hot breath of Soldier in your ear as he bent over you to whisper.

"I caught him making eyes at you and I didn't like it. I don't trust him."

Aww, you couldn't help but find that sweet.

Pyro

You know that one scene from the comics where Pyro cuts a goddam bear in half? Yeah, same thing here. They see you and Scout at the bar, just casually chatting, then when you turn away, the Scout bites his lip and looks at your ass blatantly. To Pyro, Scout morphed into a big, bad wolf. You? You sprouted cute little sheep ears! Pyro wasn't about to let the cute little sheep get eaten, so they lunged at the Scout out of nowhere, the only thing that stopped them from decapitating the poor guy was you swiping the axe from Pyro's hands at the last second.

You profusely apologize to the Scout as you pull Pyro off of him and whisk yourself and your partner away to one of the more quiet corners. You hold Pyro by the hands and direct them to breathe. Once, twice, and a third time, before you let them start to explain themselves.

Once the situation was explained, you kissed their forehead and nodded in sympathy. You knew your partner thought you were in danger, and hell- you would do the same if you saw Pyro in danger they didn't notice! Nonetheless, you thanked Pyro for the protection and talked them down from their worries. You asked your Engineer to explain the situation to the enemy Scout, who refuses to even look at you again.

"Thank you for protecting me, that means a lot that your first instinct was to look out for my safety."

Pyro nodded and pulled you into a hug. They were just worried for you! They knew that there wasn't a good chance that the danger was real- but Pyro was not about to take that chance. Not after they had lost that gamble before.

Demoman

He slammed his hand down between the both of you as Scout leaned in for a whispering in your ear and announced a drinking contest. Whoever lost had to pay the tab! Yeah, the RED Scout was annoyed, but noreso at your blatant advantage! Demoman probably had your insane Medic sew him an auto-recovery from alcohol! That wasn't fair!

So, you and Scout decided to pace yourselves against each other, with Demoman as the judge. As the flirtatious tension morphed into that of competition, Demoman seemed to smile proudly at his work. He didn't mind if people lusted after you- that was a compliment to the fact that he snagged you first! It was only an issue when you didn't notice. That's when he felt he had to intervene.

You had scraped the win by a hair. While you clearly had a lower tolerance than the Scout, you had remembered a few tips and tricks to keep your wits about you longer that the judge himself had taught you! Although, there was no satisfaction of RED paying your tab, as you both had forgotten that the night out was a Mann Co. Sponsored event.

The next morning, Demoman tended to you extra sweet with little possessive nicknames such as "My boy", "my champ", and "Blu's finest". He never mentioned why, though, so you assumed that it was to apologize for the wicked hangover you had.

Engineer

He sits back and watches, but not without ill intent. No, this man plotted that little twig's demise at least 10 times in his head as you two sat a little too close together, as you two got so lost in conversation that you switched beers by accident, how you two seemed to get on a little too well. In fact, Dell had only realized that he was stewing when his mechanical arm cracked off a bit of the table that he had been grasping for dear life.

The noise certainly got both of your attentions, and if it didn't, then the loud curse in a familiar southern accent did. Engue usually kept an air of politeness about him, so you automatically knew something was up as he walked- or rather stormed up to the two of you.

He greeted the Scout with a forced and sickly sweet smile, and he introduced himself quickly before he asked to steal you away for all but a moment. You excused yourself quickly and followed Engie to the bathrooms, where your boyfriend started rambling things you couldn't quite hear. All youu knew was that whatever it was, it wasn't pleasant and it was all directed at that Scout.

"Dell, what's going on? Did that Scout fuck with one of your sentries?"

"No, no. I-" Dell took a moment to compose himself before he spoke again. "No doll, he was making googoo eyes at you, and I don't think I appreciated that kinda disrespect."

You nod, with a hum of acknowledgement. Now that you thought about it, he was acting rather familiar...

"Sorry, I guess I didn't realize how close we were while it was happening. Do you want me to steer clear of him for the night?"

"Well-" Dell said, clearly wanting to say yes. "You're your own man, I don't wanna step on your toes or nothin, it's just that- he uh, he's got some bad intentions with you. I can tell."

You smile sweetly as you give your boyfriend a gentle kiss. "I'd much rather spend the night with you, anyways."

Heavy

Scout barely had the time to get a word out to you as your Heavy scooped you up in a seemingly sudden victory cheer. In one of his hands was a drink, so you assumed that your boyfriend had wanted to congratulate you on something that you had done recently to impress him.

"Tiny man! Come here, I have gift for you for being best teammate!" Heavy announced as he brought you over to a booth and started speaking to you in Russian. Yeah, you could swing your way around Russian well enough to understand certain words. You could make out "no", "bad", and "dangerous" vaguely, but the body language made more sense to you. Heavy didn't trust that Scout too well. He seemed fine with you talking to the RED Engineer, but not the Scout?

"What's wrong?"

Heavy kept his voice low and quiet, for your ears only.

"Scout wanted to make sex with you. Look at his eyes." He muttered with a quick glance to the lithe man. He was more built than your scout, speckled with more freckles and dark blue eyes instead of your Scout's light blue eyes.

"I'd smash his head in if he made a move on me, I promise." You assured your boyfriend sweetly, a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"No no, I will bash his little brains in." Heavy assured.

Sniper

Stalks both of you like a shadow. He allowed Scout to buy you a drink, he allowed him to entertain his boyfriend, hell- he even allowed Scout to put his hand on his boyfriend's shoulder! With a downing of beer, a fast and powerful dart knocked Scout's hat off his head and pinned it to the wall. The look Sniper gave nearly made the Scout drop dead from the venom.

"Missed."

Scout knew damn well that he missed his head, not the dart board. Scout nodded you a quick good evening and scampered back to his team as Sniper looked to the outside. He just wanted to talk, in private.

As soon as you followed Sniper out of the bar, he grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you into the alleyway, pressing you up against the cold brick wall as Sniper kissed you deeply.

You were only given a small moment to breathe as Sniper leaned close to your ear. "Don't you ever let someone touch my boyfriend again, got it?"

"God, you're hot when you're jealous."

"I'll drag you back to my camper if you keep misbehaving." Sniper 'threatened', smiling far too excitedly to be angry at the idea. You took your opportunity to grab him by the wrist and drag him to his van.

Spy

He found it funny and cute in a way, how the RED Scout tried to hit on you. A young man with laughable experience tried to charm a man who had the best of the best that gave him attention? Spy had nothing to worry about. Although, the accepting of the invitation to dance drunkenly made his stomach turn sour. You and Scout laughed and stumbled around each other haphazardly, moreso slapstick joking rather than dancing. At least Scout kept his hands to himself.

Scout started to ask you genuine questions over a calming drink, and that is where Spy snapped. He sauntered over to you with a look of importance as he tapped you on the shoulder.

"Ah, I must steal you away. Miss Pauling had an important message for you." Spy whispered into your ear, his eyes glared with a gloating essence at Scout.

"Well, I'll catch you later, okay?" You smile sweetly to Scout, who waved you goodbye as Spy whisked you away to the other side of the bar before he cloaked himself as he pressed you against the wall. His body was flush against yours, with his hot breath on your neck.

"So, younger men catch your eye? I can be him for a night, if you're curious?" Spy hummed, as you practically heard the Cheshire grin of teasing in his whispered tone as you blushed red. At least you could blame it on the booze.

"No Spy, he's just an old friend. Coincidence that we both work at Mann Co." You whisper back as Spy worked his hands over your body, brazenly groping your chest, legs, and ass while he remained unseen.

Medic

Medic watched as the RED Scout performed a silly little knife trick to impress you, and Medic knew exactly what he was doing. Scout was a puffed up bird, trying to gain your interest. Really, even Archemedes had more of a pretty routine than Scout did! In fact, Medic approached you, with Archmedes on his finger to lure you away from the failed suitor.

As you cooed and doted on the dove, Medic shot Scout a scarily smug look as you were completely distracted with the bird that absolutely loved your affections.

"You know, you're the only one Archemedes ever loved for affection from! Well, aside from me of course! I think he's got a little crush on you!"

You giggle, scratching behind the dove's head with little kisses to his soft feathers. "Ah yes, the bird love of my life. He's so caring. I'd be a housewife for him!" You teased to Medic with a little wink. "He's almost as jealous as you, with how he puffs up when I kiss you."

"You have two jealous men vying for your affection, whoever will you choose?" Medic hummed dramatically.

"Well, Archemedes would never take blood samples to see if we are biologically compatible."

"That was only once!"

[theplushiefox]

HELLOOO?? YOU CANNOT EVEN IMPLY THEY'RE NOT HOLDING HANDS

I SPOILED THE "You have changed" SCENE AND THE "These fuckin angels won't stop coming" FOR MYSELF YET NOBODY TALKED ABOUT THIS CUTE LIL SCENE??

I guess there were too many adorable scenes with these two but COME OOOONNN

(yes I did watch Hazbin Hotel, new hyperfixation is Huskerdust, my favorites are Husk, Emily and goddam Lucifer, so expect some art too)

[cheeeeseburger]

Dream girl Part 1

Next part

Sidney Crosby x Reader

Masterlist

A/N: This is so cheesy and if this happened in real life, i would run away lmao. But that's what fanfics are for, right? Anyway, English isn't my first language, apologies for the mistakes!

He wants you. He observes from afar, admiring your smooth curves, your pretty smile, the hint of cleavage shown by your short dress. Your dress is perfectly appropriate for an event such as this one, but to him, it’s obscene. He just wants to rip it off you. Watching you is better than porn.

Sidney wants you so bad that he isn’t even listening to his teammates trying to talk to him. He nods, not even registering the words. But then he sees him, and suddenly, he is very attentive.

The rookie walks up to you, and you greet him with a beautiful smile and a warm hug. Sidney’s heart skips a beat. His knuckles turn white, and he is fuming inside. You don’t know it yet, but you’re supposed to be his girl.

His his his

He watches as your boyfriend barely pays any attention to you, not even bothering to introduce you to his teammates. The stupid rookie doesn’t even grab your arm or your hand, doesn’t reach for any kind of contact between your bodies.

If you were his girl, he would have an arm snaked around you all night long and he would be so fucking proud to show you off. He would leave hickeys on your collarbones and smudge your lipstick with a kiss so everyone would know that you have a man.

The worst thing is, he had seen your boyfriend talking to a few girls after an away game. At the time, he had congratulated him on his catch, thinking he was single. Now Sidney just felt sick. He didn’t really like the rookie in the first place but now, he wanted to hire a hitman on him. Or even better, change career to become a hitman.

Soon, the rookie dared going closer to talk to him. Sidney barely even acknowledges him, instead insisting on getting to know his charming “sister”.

“Oh no, that’s not my sister. She’s actually my girlfriend.” Quickly corrected the young defensemen. Sidney already knew that, of course. “Really? I could have sworn you were single.” Sid’s words are sharp, and his teammate’s smile drops.

But you’re so sweet, and so naive, so you stay standing at your boyfriend’s side like a good girl. You should be his good girl.

He directs the conversation on you, not bothering to pretend to like the rookie. He learns many things about you. First of all, you’re so goddam young, you probably weren’t even in kindergarten when he got drafted. The math makes him feel old, but it also just adds to his desire.

Also, you’re so smart, and kind, and gentle and sweet. You’ve only spoken a few sentences, but he knows you’re his dream girl. No one will ever compare to you, and he hasn’t even tasted you. Yet.

He thinks you wouldn’t mind tasting him. He notices the flush creeping on your neck and cheeks every time he smiles at you. It makes him feel all giddy inside, live a lovesick teenage boy. He wants to give you a card that says: Be mine? Check yes or yes.

Sidney drags the conversation with the rookie for way longer, trying to keep you close to him. He talks more to you than him, and after awhile, your boyfriend slips away completely. Good. But Sid doesn’t miss the sad look in your eyes. The fact that your boyfriend doesn’t kiss the ground you walk on is mind-blowing to him. He wants to commission a thousand portraits of your face and carry your picture in his wallet.

The strap of your dress slips. Oops. Sidney puts it back in place. He wants to use his teeth, but since you’re in public, he only uses his fingers. That doesn’t prevent you from turning bright red. Cute. You can’t stop yourself from admiring his hand that leaves your shoulder. Sid wonders if you want him to use it as a necklace for you. He certainly wants to.

“You know, I used to have a crush on you. I stole a hockey card of you from my brother and I kept it under my pillow” you confess sheepishly. You add: “I was eight!” after you see the look on his face.

“Used to? Come on gorgeous, you’re breaking my heart!” You flash him a smile that could melt the ice he skates on and yeah, his heart is definitely broken.

“Sorry. You were quickly replaced by Justin Bieber, another Canadian icon.” He throws his head back in laughter, and it’s quite a sight to see. You wish you had a remote to press replay again and again.

The conversation flows so easily that it makes your head spin. Or maybe it’s just that he smells so good, and you two are getting closer and closer. Sidney is now certain: you’re the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He just needs to prove it to you.

You had completely forgotten about your boyfriend but to be fair, he had probably forgotten about you, too. Anyway, why would you need him when you’re head over heels for Sidney Crosby? You had lied to him: your crush didn’t stop at eight, it only faded when you turned 18. Right now, now a few years later, it was stronger than ever.

Sidney notices you’re wearing all gold jewelry. He wants to buy you a ring. He had never wanted to get married before, but now he wants to elope and also have the wedding of the century. He knows he is absolutely crazy, but that’s love for you, eh?

He thinks you’re into him, too. Your eyes can’t help but trail his large shoulders and his strong jaw. Your stare a second too long at his lips and he stutters. He doesn’t know how you’re able to hold such an intelligent conversation when you’re both in a silent contest of who can give the best bedroom eyes.

All is well until your boyfriend comes along to pick you up. So, he hadn’t forgotten about you after all. Sidney notices the sudden guilt in your eyes. Even though you had only talked, something definitely happened between you two. Your boyfriend must sense it, because for the first time tonight, he puts a possessive hand over your arm. The two hockey players are seemingly in a staring contest, until your boyfriend suddenly gives a very icy goodbye to his captain and drags you away.

Sidney watches you leave, and he feels a bitter wave of jealousy taking over him. He knows it’s wrong, but he’ll have to make you his.

When he sees you turning back to look at him, he knows he’s already halfway there. He's going to be your dream man.

[weeping-vintage-toes]

I'm okay

[sakumz]

a/n : me rn. the lecturer is a liar OMG we were given time to make presentation slides and it's group work not individual so we could constantly ask him to check bro checked everyone's group and the other day I asked how to up my grade since he said he'll give everyone a C for standard and then we just work our ways to up that grade and when I asked him how he gave advise and I follow with it. mf still give me a goddam C. sorry for the rant lmao

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[ a. rayne x fem reader ]

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frustrated. that's the feeling you felt at the current moment, clutching hard on the paper your professor handed you. the poor paper crumpled beneath your fingers. the magical students around you were clearly aware of your ominous aura.

" what's wrong? " max whispers on your ear as you jolt from his sudden presence.

" that stupid professor is a liar. he said I could up my grade if my report was about a rare mystical beast, it didn't matter if I could study its behaviour physically. just from a book research is fine. there's obviously no change from the grade! it's still the same C from last exam too. " you ranted off as other students too, felt bad for you. you were just following what that professor said, he should've done you better.

" hey. is it true? what y/n said, " rayne questions, standing tall behind the professor.

" w-what do you mean? " the professor cowers in fear for his head.

" you know what I'm talking about, the research report. ring any bells or must i hit you on the head to make you remember. im sure other students have fallen trap to your grading system. " he says with truth.

" fine, everyone gets a free A! " the professor pushes away the partisan sword near his face as he made a run for the door. the class cheers and thanks rayne before leaving.

leaving you, max and rayne alone in the classroom. rayne makes his way over.

" thanks for what you did earlier. " you flash him a smile.

" yeah I'm surprised you would do all that. aren't you afraid if this gets reported to the other divine visionary? they could take away that title, its like abusing your title! " max spoke.

" it's not really abusing my title, I'm just bringing out the truth and besides what he did was wrong. he lied to his students, he shouldn't be a teacher if he can't keep his promises. " rayne replies.

" aw you're so cute, " you stood up from your seat and gave rayne a pinch to his cheeks, he blushed at the sudden contact but smiles.

" he likes you, you know. " max whispers to your ear, loud enough for rayne to hear as max makes a dash out of the classroom.

" what, really? " rayne couldn't help but uncharacteristically blush harder.

" n-no-..."

" I like you too, " you confess, giving him a kiss to his cheek as he calms down a little.

" thank you, I will protect you and I love you alot. " he pulls your body close, giving you a hug.

" also is it true, you have rabbits in your dorm? let's go I wanna see. " you grab his hand, pulling him out of the classroom.

he didn't say no but walked infront to lead you to his room. the day was spent playing with the rabbits as both awaits for max to return. rayne would put on a good show and beat him for embarrassing him infront of his crush.

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ngl after writing this I feel very cheated on omg fcking lecturer 😭😭😭😭 anyone wanna be moots just drop your discord in my inbox or sum o want moots to talk to HAJSJSKAKS