#HOW DOES TUMBLR NOT HAVE A DRAFT RECOVERY THING

[ya-killin-me-smalls]

tumblr ate this ask when I saved it as a draft but I screenshat it so we're good. anyway

spicy 2BHankmos headcanons under the cut

- it goes unspoken that anytime all three of them are on base at the same time, they spend the night together

- Doc almost always takes the lead, in part because he gets flustered way too easily otherwise, and in part because he likes watching his partners get each other off

- between Hank and Deimos it's always a battle of wills via heated makeout, a battle that Deimos usually loses but it's not uncommon for Hank's impatience to get the best of him

- Deimos gets passed back and forth like a blunt at a party, Hank determined to make him cum as hard and as fast as possible, and Doc content to edge him for an entire hour at times before turning him back over to Hank. poor guy can't catch a break

- as rough as he is, Hank is actually very affectionate during the act. he likes to hold his partners as close as possible, nuzzle his face into them, gentle lovebites

- Deimos has the praise kink of the century and Doc exclusively cashes in on this when Hank already has him mid-orgasm. is it mean? maybe. unfair? for sure. worth it every time? absolutely

- when Hank does end up on the bottom he tries his damnedest to keep quiet and not make it too much fun, but Doc knows all his tells and Deimos has an ever-growing score to settle, so his resolve only really lasts so long

- Doc tends to be a little more hands off, enjoying the show far too much sometimes. he's a kinky fucker though and knife play happens to be a favorite. it's rare but there's nothing he likes more than having Hank and Deimos bound and on their knees, letting him trace every scar, every ridge of muscle, every soft area with a blade, only ever breaking the skin when someone squirms too much. it leaves Deimos a sweaty, shaky mess and Hank more often than not doesn't need any other stimulation to cum, the knife enough to bring him over the edge

- there has been exactly one time where Deimos begged, and pleaded, and bargained, and made the most extravagant promises in order for Doc to bottom. exactly once. he ended up taking both of them at the same time, an absolute mess between them, louder than Deimos ever was. Deimos tapped out first surprisingly but still put his mouth to work, determined to get everything out of Doc that they could. if one of them brings it up Doc will insist it never happened, no clue what they're talking about, going as far as checking Hank for head trauma just to prove a point after he mentioned it near other SQ members

- of course, they aren't always together all at once

- Hank and Deimos, adrenaline junkies at their cores, spend more time doing it in places they absolutely shouldn't than the actual bedroom. missions, stakeouts, and anywhere on base that's secluded enough to get away with it. it's fast, hard, and always ends with either Hank's hand over Deimos's mouth to keep him quiet or an arm around his neck in a chokehold, whatever is easier in the moment

- when it's just Doc and Deimos, the praise kink comes out in full swing and Doc would swear Deimos is insubordinate the other 98% of the time just so he can all the more be told how good he is. and he is, willing to let Doc do anything he pleases as long as he gets what he wants. Doc made him cum seven times in a night once, and even though his legs were jello and he couldn't walk properly the next day, every gentle kiss and "good boy" whispered in his ear that night just made him want more

- Hank and Doc tend to take things slower with each other, enjoy each moment for what it is. this is in part because Hank is usually on recovery, grievous injury seemingly the only thing that can bring them together for any substantial amount of time. as soon as he's able to walk without ripping any stitches though he pulls Doc away from whatever silly computer thing he's doing and kisses every inch of his body

- Deimos has debated nipple piercings on and off. Hank is 100% on board but Doc likes to remind him that those can and will snag and can definitely be ripped out if he isn't careful. and he isn't. someday

- Hank has bit both of his partners hard enough to leave a scar. he hasn't said it out loud but it's his own little way of marking them as his

- there is not a surface in Doc's office that hasn't been defiled by one of them

[ofsappho]

This might be kinda a weird question… so I’m aroace and I’ve been drawn to the Theoi for a long time so I’ve been on my HelPol journey recently and sometimes like… I guess I wanted to get some general thoughts since you worship Aphrodite? I recently saw a post about Aphrodite Pandemos that was kind of relieving and inspiring talking about love in more broad terms than we generally talk about in society. So I wanted to ask from your experience do you think there would be any problem with me trying to build a relationship with her being aroace? Idk it’s just an anxiety I have I guess and idk who to ask about this.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!

Hey Anon, I'm really sorry, I just spent like an hour or so writing a very long and detailed answer to this ask only for Tumblr to eat it up. I can't find it in my drafts or anything which tells me all of it is gone now. I will try to rewrite it the best I can. (I actually might start crying because the post was very detailed and labor-intensive. Boo.)

IM SO SORRY ITS TAKEN ME SO LONG TO SIT DOWN AND ANSWER, I HAVE BEEN VERY TIRED AND BUSY. BUT HERE IT IS.

I'm glad my post about Aphrodite Pandemos resonated so much with you! That was definitely the intent. I have Very Strong Feelings about how I feel that Aphrodite has been reduced down solely to her romantic and sexual aspects by the modern day pagan/polytheist/witch/etc community at large. This both does her an immense disservice as a god and is emblematic of the western capitalist hyperfixation on monogamous romantic + sexual love. Which we should be leaning away from, not into.

But you definitely came to the right person with this ask. I have never worshipped Aphrodite in either her romantic or sexual aspects.

So, specifically, I am devoted to Aphrodite Areia, or Aphrodite the Warlike. And along with Aphrodite Areia, I also worship Aphrodite Hoplismene, or Armed Aphrodite, and Aphrodite Nikephoros, Aphrodite the bringer of victory.

She has never interacted with me as solely a goddess of romantic love or sexual love.

In my experience, she is truly a goddess of love and war, love for war and battle and bloodlust, the instinct to fight and struggle, and a representation of ALL facets of the human emotional experience, love and hate. And given that emotions and feelings are what make us human, I view her as goddess of humanity itself. Emotions and relationships are the literal backbone upon which civilization and communal living is made possible, and she governs them. No matter who wants to discredit that. And so she is one of the most important gods to humanity as a whole, thought highly underrated (to me, this is UPG)

As someone who has struggled with (and is now recovered from) borderline personality disorder, finding and worshipping Aphrodite Areia has been instrumental in my recovery and my path to an overall higher quality of life. BPD takes regular emotions and regular emotional responses and amps them up to ridiculous, hyperintense, overwhelming amounts. And that is so hard to live with and so destabilizing. Obviously I’ve done copious amounts of DBT and I’m on good meds now, but we live in a society that not only shames the expression of emotion but also greatly stigmatizes any expression of mental illness that is not “cute” or “harmless”. And one of the things that Aphrodite Areia has led me to do is accept my great capacity for goodness and harm without feeling shame. This is the way I am, and while I can choose to move away from being destructive and I can choose recovery, that doesn’t mean I am bad for being this way. To worship her was to love myself in all my facets.

I am capable of good and harm and that makes me powerful. And to someone like me, who has spent a lot of life either literally powerless or feeling powerless, recognizing your power is one of the best feelings ever.

And I’m not going to lie to you and shy away from her association with specifically war and violence. I do enjoy fighting. I do enjoy the parts of myself that aren’t optimal for living in a society with others. I view these qualities as a part of the animal I am, that cannot and should not be changed, and Aphrodite Areia helps me redirect them into more positive and productive goals. My life has not been easy and I suspect it never will be. Everyday has been a fight and I take the parts of me that long for a fight and apply it to getting up in the morning. I throw myself at my trauma and my life circumstances and my struggles with all the tenacity and ferocity of a soldier going into battle. And so far, I have won.

This is also the same impulse that induces me to do shit like bodycheck cops at protests because they won’t hurt me the same way they will hurt other protestors, that makes me yell back at guys being violent and aggressive on the bus, that spurs me on to fight for a better future everyday. Because in order to sustain a lifetime’s worth of struggle towards equity, towards decolonization, towards the end of white supremacy and racism, towards something better, you have to love the fight.

On a TW note, I was raped last year and since then, my relationship towards love/sex has obviously never been the same. She has been a comfort there too, helping me fight my trauma so my rapist will never truly win, in the end. I have also prayed to her to avenge me, and while I have no contact with him, I like to think that somehow, someway, she’ll get him.

So to return to your actual question, I think there are absolutely zero problems with you being aroace and building a relationship with Aphrodite. And anyone who tells you otherwise is, quite frankly, wrong. You just have to find the facet of her that rings the truest for you and your relationship with Aphrodite is no one’s business but your own. To be honest, you probably will be pretty disconnected to most (if not all) communities online and offline for Aphrodite worshippers and devotees because they are all unilaterally about her romantic/sexual aspects. it drives me up the wall and is the reason I don’t engage in any of these communities, because i don’t really have much in common with other worshippers and there’s no value for me in sharing space. i just do my own thing in the corner of my blog/life. But don’t let that deter you if you truly feel like this is a relationship you want to grow and nurture. In my beliefs and experience, Aphrodite is there for everyone, even if people devalue emotions/relationships and devalue her. You can find your own way and you can build an incredibly meaningful worship of her if that’s what you want and need. She has a million different aspects and they are not all about romance and sex. Please feel free to message me again if you’d like, anon, I’m happy to talk more and answer any further questions you have!!!

[viiisenyas]

i accidentally deleted my draft for the next chapter I-

[queer-adhd]

TW disordered eating ; TW neglect ; TW self harm mention

I was wondering if you or your followers have advice for me, since you have so many neurodivergent followers. I've already got a dietician helping me out with the food part, but I'm struggling with the autistic/ADHD part.

At the age of 31 I found out I have a ton of food allergies and intolerances. Apparently I've also developed a histamine intolerance along the way.

This suddenly put a lot of things in perspective: I've always struggled with food, and I realised this is because my parents/childhood environment didn't take these issues seriously and just continually told me to stop making a fuss and finish my plate.

I think I ended up developing ARFID because of this. Seemingly everything I ate made me sick so I just stopped eating unless I was on the verge of fainting, or unless my ADHD made me seek out dopamine (back when I was still unmedicated). I think the fainting thing might be hypoglycemia? I was always told that's a diabetes-only thing but the symptoms match up with how I felt the majority of my life and I recently read it can also be caused by eating disorders.

Thanks to my dietician, I now know what I can digest and what I can't and it's had a major positive effect on my health so far. We've been working on these issues for a year or so now. She's been amazing for the food part, but doesn't know anything about neurodiversity.

I keep getting stuck on the brain part of recovery. I've regained my ability to distinguish nausea from hunger, but I still constantly forget to eat. I've trained myself my entire life to ignore hunger. My sense of time is really bad, so a day will pass by and I'll only realise I forgot to eat all day around dinner time. My ADHD meds probably diminish my sense of hunger too. I enjoy cooking but executive dysfunction makes it hard even though I know I need fresh foods for the histamine thing. My ADHD makes me crave things I can't have whenever my menstrual cycle makes my meds less effective: I make sure I don't have any around, but the dopamine seeking thing makes it hard to eat something else at those times. Autistic sensory issues give me trouble with some safe foods which makes having a balanced diet difficult. I've also just been struggling to find safe foods in general because the various allergies are hard to combine and it takes a lot of research/focus to find new things I can safely add to my diet.

It's also taken me a long time to accept this is a type of eating disorder. Most doctors I talked to about these issues basically reacted the same way my parents did before I found my current dietician. So while I objectively know it's not my fault, I still constantly have to remind myself that I'm not just being difficult and that I really do need all of this. I try to do this with CBT techniques, but I also noticed a problematic trend: I don't seek out allergic reactions, but whenever I do react it feels like a validation of my struggles being real now that I know how to identify an allergic reaction. While I think I'm dealing OK with this at the moment, I'm kinda worried this has the potential to turn into a type of self-harm if my mental health were to take a bad turn in the future. I've already told my therapist, but she's not entirely sure how to deal with this either. (She's looking into it though.)

I can't be the only person struggling with issues like these? Given how ADHD/autism and allergies/histamine issues are comorbid. Does anyone recognise this situation? Any tips on how to deal with it? Or Tumblr/Discord/Reddit groups that talk about this? Or should I just give it more time?

END TW

-

Thank you for running this blog, by the way. Seeing other people's asks here and at Rouke's place has helped me figure out a few other minor health issues too. Your blogs seem to have had a positive impact for a lot of people. Really makes me appreciate the power of community.

So guess who had a response to this in his drafts and then got punched in the face by life repeatedly. Sorry! Here's what I had in drafts:

Ahhh I'm really glad that we've been able to help, even if it's just by linking people to other people who might know how to help better than us.

So I can't offer help on everything but I can confirm that ADHD also makes me forget to eat, and having a structured life kinda helps. I bring lunch to work with me and lunch break is a set time every day where everyone in my office stops to eat, so I don't forget.

I also think that possibly one of these might be helpful:

It's a vibrating wristwatch; it's got ten different alarms, so they're most often used for medication reminders but they're also honestly great for reminding you to eat. They're physical so they don't get silenced when I put my phone on do not disturb, and they haven't set off my sensory issues.

The lights are usually off unless you click the button to check, so the battery life is good and it's rechargeable via micro-usb cable instead of battery replacements.

Also, generally speaking I'd say that a safe food is better than no food or not enough food. Even if you're not managing to eat super healthy or whatever, jump on the opportunities you get where your brain or body says yes, particularly if they're rare.

Regarding the self harm aspect, I've definitely struggled with something similar. It's hard. Feeling validated like that is something very appealing, even if it's objectively miserable. I'd say that as long as you're not seeking them out, it's not too much of an issue. Maybe try and keep track of how often you find this happening; if there's an uptick, then it's time to break out the CBT and also potentially address any stressors in your life that might be contributing.

Also yes ADHD in general can be a contributor to disordered eating; our dopamine pathways are fucked. Food can be a major issue because of that.

As per, please anyone who knows more or has any insight chime in?

[bondedtrauma]

angel. i feel like i always come back and just apologize for my absence lol — i appreciate everyone who has still stuck around :) ! ive had a really traumatic summer, to put it lightly lol. im having to work very hard to keep myself healthy, and it’s really draining most of the time. i took a break from tumblr because it was bringing me a Lot of anxiety, and to be honest, it still does a little ;; i just needed as much help as i could get in recovery, and being here wasn’t it.

my notifications are all off, so i’m sorry if i missed your draft/ask/msg. i love you all bunches still!! i hope to get back to them soon C: i know i don’t need to explain myself, but i just wanted everyone to know that this blog isn’t abandoned. i still write, and enjoy doing it — i’m just having to take my time in returning back to how things used to be. i’m going to be starting classes again in a few weeks, so i think that’ll help throw me back into my typical routine. i’m going to work on coming back sooner, but i don’t want to make any promises im not able to keep. i don’t want to clog anyone’s following with my lack of activity, so i felt like i should put this post out here !

[hold-our-destiny]

so i thought since im not really writing much lately, id put a big list of all my ideas with brief summaries and if you guys wanted to see any in particular i could try to write a small oneshot of it.

1. basically peter having a long conversating with tony about the struggles of having his enhancements and explaining how he cant even kill himself because of his healing (like the scene from avengers)

2. Endgame au- “Hey peter? Its Tony- We did it. We won, pete- we won. Please Peter” then when peter’s in a coma he listens to a voicemail left by him before he left for the field trip (saved on insta) at some point peter says “i just wanted to be like you”

3. V slow (almost) major character death- three quick gunshots and a thump- peter worrying about tony’s head wound.

4. peter and harley falling in love (3k words) in tumblr drafts for harley

5. tony breaking down in the middle of a fight

6. Stony soulmate au- sharing scars.

7. “I didn’t think you cared about me”

8. Peter dragged underwater

9. Steve reading bucky’s journal in civil war

10. peter tries to help tony in siberia but gets hypothermia way more than tony does. after like a week steve comes back and tony screams at him cause peters in a coma, maybe steve finds him in the medbay

11. Parkner last words soulmate au

12. peter gets infected with anthrax

13.steve and peter kidnapped thing- peter bring scared of tony cause they used his tech against him

14. parkner hanahaki but with recovery and peter coughing up the rest of the flowers= whump. basically peter loves harley, passes out cause he can’t breathe and nearly dies, tells harley, and has to spend a week throwing up the rest of the flowers and being so tired he can’t stand

15. tony faking his death and peter and steve getting mad when they find out he’s alive

16. rhodey tony falling in love+ going to warrrr

17. okay so tony maybe almost dying and peter crying about it? 

18. peter gets kidnapped after an argument saying “i know- i know you’re mad but- p-please Mr stark- please help m-me, i’m sorry” cause he thinks tonys mad at him.

19. steve helping peter with harassers- drafts

20. tony whump being kidnapped and refusing to give info on spiderman and peter saves him with rhodey and gets shot but because of adrenaline they don’t realise until they’re outside and peter collapses

21. the scene where he gets shot from enola holmes but it’s irondad- peter has a bulletproof vest on and gets shot by a shotgun and tony thinks he’s dead cause he’s oncounscious from being thrown into a wall

22. okay so what about a situation where tony and peter are at a press event and peter gets shot. just imagine what tony would be saying as he catches him and slowly lowers him to the floor.“it’s okay, i gotcha. holy shit- you’re gunna be okay, kid. come on, eyes on me-“ keeping on talking until the medics get there, still not leaving the kids limp form. Peters eyes never leave him, glazed over but never closing.Of course, when he wakes up later, Tony will be a little teary eyed sat by his bed, probably making a joke about “god kid, you’re not supposed to outlive your old man” Peter not wanting to be alone when he dies

23. tony and peter on a mission and tony goes to find peter cause he’s not responding and he’s unconscious cause of poison- tetrodotoxin B

24. Peter put in a cage thing with bucky when hes triggered into being the winter soldier and being on comms with steve and the others.

25. 5 times tony and peter thought they lost each other and the one time they nearly did.

26. Degloving

27. parkner voicemail with peter almost dying, end is him coming home. season 2 ep 3 of 911

28. soulmates rhodyetony can feel each other’s pain. rhodey knowing tony’s alive in im1

29. parkner enemies to lovers only one bed nightmare

30. character study of the mcu, ned, sam, wanda, mj, bucky, 

31. harley thinking peter is dead, dealing with grief after a kidnapping 

32. Prompt 885: Stephen and Tony were together before Afghanistan. They hit a rough patch when Stephen has his accident and the Accords are proposed. The stress causes a huge fight where Tony tells Stephen to get out and never contact him again. Stephen is crushed and leaves for Kathmandu the next day, leaving only a voicemail saying goodbye and asking Tony to not blame himself. The general consensus is he committed suicide. CA:CW and DS happen, and Tony runs into a changed Stephen in Greenwich Village.

33. basically incredibles- steve’s taken by hydra and peter and tony are in a plane when hydra attacks them, tony’s telling them to abort and steve slowly realises he could lose his family, then it blows up and tony calls a suit to peter. peters got broken ribs and bruises because of moving around and tony sends out a signal to the team

34. peter nearly dies on a mission, tony’s yelling at him and he breaks down crying when he realises what could’ve happened

35. peter nearly gets kidnapped/ sold and he’s really shaken up about it he won’t leave harley or tony

36. peter and tony are kidnapped, peters conditioned and at one point the kidnapper gives him a truth serum and asks intimate questions/ he’s not conditioned and it’s either ask the questions or take the punishment- 

37. bucky getting back from hydra and coping? steve feeling sad, finding out bucky can feel his arm and tried to rip it out, tony helping? the scene in the woods with the trigger words and steve being there really sad and shit- also thinking pierce was steve

38. peter flinching during an argument

39. bucky having to pretend to be winter again in a mission

40. Peter telling tony about skip

41. ya know the hypothetical about hydra training bucky to give people guns incase they need to ‘execute’ the soldier, and him giving steve a guy.

42. peter being trapped in the soul stone when he gets snapped, him being the only one there because of his mutation or something (his soul was too strong to be broken for the time so it had to be contained) plus dissociation when he gets back

43. peter and bucky kidnapped together, tony and steve both worried as hell and having to work together and bond to get them back

44. soulmate mind talking- peter getting into trouble/kidnapping? make collection for soulmates

45. peter and tony are running from kidnappers, peter gets caught in a bear trap. maybe include steve.

[conscious-love]

This blog is an accumulation of quotes, resources and advice for moving on from a breakup, how to recognize when a relationship is healthy or unhealthy, and the importance of having a good relationship with yourself first.

Love Letter to My Followers 💙

My links page (socials, etc.)

20 journal prompts for breakup healing

Content

love + relationships

breakups/heartbreak

codependency

attachment theory

abuse + recovery

personal development

mental health

self-compassion

Alternative Text / Transcription

Tumblr allots space for only 200 characters in alt text, so for photos with large amounts of text, there would not be enough space. Due to this constraint, photos will not be embedded with alt text — not even photos with text containing less than 200 characters, because adding alt text plus a transcript would be redundant/annoying for people using screen-readers. For transcribed versions of these photos, click to see the notes of the post (as the transcript will be reblogged) or follow @iamstrongallonmyown-accessible Please allow up to a week at least for me to get to transcribing, as I don’t do it immediately upon posting (because posts are queued). If reblogging with the transcript is important to you, you can save the post to your drafts and check back periodically to see if I’ve added the transcript yet, or just follow the accessible blog.

Advisory

I am not a therapist (yet), so if you’re in crisis and in need of someone to talk to about it, please seek out a mental health professional and/or a loved one. I’m open to giving mental health advice, but there are some issues I will not address (this is at my discretion, and I decide on a case-by-case basis). This is not a clinical setting. Tumblr can be helpful, but it is not a replacement for therapy/treatment.

If a post mentions a specific gender, it probably does not apply to only that gender.

Many posts are made with monogamous relationships in mind, but are often applicable to polyamorous relationships as well.

Many posts are made with romantic relationships in mind, but are often applicable to platonic and familial relationships as well.

I do not support cancel culture. I share quotes regardless of who wrote them. This blog is not political, it is meant to offer helpful resources. Sometimes, people we don’t like have good things to say.

None of these photos/quotes belong to me unless otherwise stated.

None of these posts are sponsored.

About

Posts are queued and posted once daily.

27k + followers

Est. 2015

Tags

Content that belongs to me is tagged:

# Bella Love Coach

+ signed:

~ Bella ✨💙 or Bella Love

Asks I answer:

# ask bella love

Posts I reply to:

# bella love responds

Personal posts:

# bella gets personal

Advisories/reminders

# bella gets serious

Photos I create using others’ quotes:

# remake

Occasionally, you will see curse/swear words. Such posts will be tagged:

# curse words

Occasionally, you will see posts on sexual education; sometimes, this will include sensitive subjects such as abuse/assault. These posts will be tagged with the appropriate trigger warnings.

If you’d like me to tag certain content or words that are triggering for you, just send me an ask or a dm and let me know, whatever it is. Even if the trigger is “odd” or something others might not consider a valid trigger. Your triggers are valid here.

Triggers/words I tag: curse words, sex mention, drug mention, self harm mention, suicide mention, death mention, abuse mention, rape mention, medical mention, religion mention, God mention

Rules for Interacting

Reblogging is preferred over reposting to avoid the spread of uncredited art.

If you repost, please include the source, as the artists I share on here deserve to be credited for their work. Each of the artists whose art I share have given consent to their work being reposted, so long as they are properly credited; they either stated it publicly (such as in an Instagram Story Highlight), or I messaged them directly to ask for permission to repost.

Harassment or abuse of any kind will be deleted, and perpetrators will be blocked. And depending on the severity, perpetrators may be reported as well. You may disagree, but you may not be cruel.

Reblogs and comments promoting violence will be deleted, and depending on the severity, perpetrators may be reported and blocked.

Cursing in reblogs/comments/asks/messages is fine.

This blog is not the place to search for dates/hookups; do not comment on posts for this purpose; they will be deleted, and you will get blocked and possibly reported as well.

Do not comment to fish for sugar babies or you will be reported and blocked.

Help Me Out

If you see someone commenting spam or inappropriate content, please send me a link to the post and let me know!

If you notice content by an “unknown” artist and you know whose it is, please let me know so I can credit the artist.

If you notice I’ve reblogged from someone on Tumblr who reposts without credit, please let me know, as I do not want to support these blogs.

If you notice that I’ve shared your intellectual property and would like it removed, or would like the post modified in some way, please let me know and I’ll have no problem doing so.

When I can’t find the source of a quote, I tag it with #unknown. If you’re good at finding stuff and enjoy doing so, I would really appreciate the help! I use Google Lens to search for stuff but sometimes I just can’t find the original source.

Suggestions/Submissions

I have the ‘submit’ feature turned off. If you’d like to suggest topics, resources, book recommendations, or other relationship/breakup related stuff, send me an ask or message. If you have music suggestions or want to share videos about relationships/personal growth, submit them to my Spotify playlist.

I track the tags: breakup, heartbreak, recovery, healing, moving on, self compassion, personal growth + many others (check any of my posts to see the other tags) so if you’re a content creator and wanna be reblogged, this is another way for me to see your posts! You can also just send them to me via direct message to make sure I see them.

Asks and Messages

Asks and messages are welcome; I will answer as soon as I can.

If you’re not looking for advice, let me know cause I don’t want to give unsolicited advice. If it’s in my ask box, it’s implied that my insight is wanted, but I’d prefer to be given explicit permission. I want you to feel heard, not talked at / preached to.

If you send an ask and it’s not anonymous, I will assume that you’re okay with my response being published publicly. If you’d like my response (and your ask) to remain private, please tell me.

Contact Me

Tumblr via Ask or Message

Instagram @bellalovecoach

If you’re in an abusive relationship, you can message me on here or on Instagram @bellalovecoach. My capacities to help you are limited, but I can offer a listening ear and help you come up with a plan.

Mailing List

Subscribe to my mailing list to be the first to know about new features, content, services, promotions and more!!

Breakup Recovery Coaching

I help heartbroken, growth-oriented people detach and heal from their breakup, adapt to and thrive in singlehood, transcend the patterns that sabotage their love lives.

I believe that breakups are one of our greatest opportunities for deep healing and personal growth, as well as increased interpersonal wisdom.

My program,

Heartbreak To Breakthrough

includes:

Weekly 1:1 coaching calls with me

Daily messaging access

Weekly check-in/progress forms

Worksheets, journal prompts, self-assessments and more, to help you gain clarity about your breakup and deepen your relational self-awareness

Together, we will sort through your grief and unpack its lessons, so you can move forward with a clear heart and clean slate, and be ready for healthy love when it finds you — and it will find you. 💙

As a bonus, you can add a 5-10 minute guided meditation at the beginning of any and every coaching call.🧘‍♀️ Starting off each session centered and calm gives you a headstart in deepening self-awareness and healing.

If you’d like to work with me, click here to fill out an application form so we can figure out if we’re a good fit. If we are, you’ll be able to schedule a Clarity Call to ask any questions you may have, and to discuss your goals in more depth.

I can’t wait to meet you and I’m so excited about the progress we’re going to make together! 💙

Promos

$5 for a shoutout/recommendation of your blog/website or content (writing, art, etc.) IF I am willing to endorse what you’re sharing.

Support me 😊

If my blog has helped you (and you’re able to), you can donate to support my work! 🥰

You can:

Buy me a coffee

Buy me a Kofi

Donate via PayPal

Thank you so much! Your generosity means so much to me. Your donation contributes to costs such as Canva, Spotify, website and tech costs, future projects and more 😊

Other blogs

@unconditionally-bella-love-light

@sacred-stillness

@growth-success

@bellalovecoach

~ Bella✨💙

[gatheringbones]

writing ask! you've said that you've been writing in a notebook lately... the thought definitely appeals to me, but don't you feel that it slows down your writing at all?

Yes, it does slow your writing down. 

It slows your thinking down as well; which is why I was so glad that I was devoting so much time to writing by hand during my most anxious days in the spring of this year; everything slowed down. Every thought that I had had to conform to a very specific rhythm and a very specific speed because it was dictated by the pace of my own body. I also got so much better at writing by hand the more I did it that at some points it felt like I was writing exactly as fast as I thought and as a bodily sensation that’s just, to me, thrilling. I also began to succeed almost entirely in cutting out that obnoxious stage where you think of something to write and then pick it to pieces and silence yourself before you can get it down on paper. No criticism, no judgement, just good old fashioned victorian automatic writing with a story in mind and several concepts that lit my whole brain up with excitement every time I thought about them too hard. Since I wasn't judging what I was writing or worrying too badly about how this piece fit sequentially with all the others, I could write down exactly what I meant to say when I had the words to say it better, knowing that some future, smarter version of me (who was not currently reeling from the deaths of one hundred and twenty thousand dead americans) would look upon them kindly and supportively and know how to say the very important thing I didn't know how to yet. I had to nurture my belief in this very kind and talented future version of me and gosh what a comforting exercise that turned out to be. 

it also divorced the sensation of writing almost entirely away from a side effect I've noticed of having been on tumblr for so long which is that every time you hit Post on this hellsite you brace yourself for a raging onslaught of abuse from every broken soul who wants to project all of their pain onto you at once. Writing on tumblr makes you nervous and hesitant in ways that I would love to see spoken more openly about, but it wasn't until I switched to a form of writing that wasn't typing that I could notice what was happening. 

see also: transcribing. On a day where I don't feel like writing I can always transcribe what I've written by hand and I'm not allowed to change a word of it. If it's an obvious spelling flub I'll correct it in the moment but every long rambling run-on sentence full of me trying out concept after concept gets its place of honor in the record. I'm not allowed to judge it or compare it or improve it: it just is what it is. The time for reformatting and advanced drafting is later; this is what I'm doing right here and now and absolutely nothing else. I'm deeply anxious and I have a history of behaving very abusively towards my own writing to the point where my shame cauterized any motivation I ever had to write until I just plain couldn't do it anymore. re-teaching myself had to go hand-in-hand with all of my other trauma recovery work; I had to be kind to myself, I had to find ways to stay grounded and acknowledge the sensations happening in my body, and I had to find ways out of those episodes of shame/blocked writing so I could build the neural pathways to allow me to process shame easier on the whole. 

being in a writing body, for me, with good paper and a pleasing pen, somewhere nice that smells good, feels good. I have worked so hard to build rituals around my writing that make writing feel good, because that's one of the only things that will convince my traumatized brain that writing is safe. That, and writing consistently using whatever method suits me best, even though it doesn't always feel good, because the other thing I'm trying desperately to learn is that not feeling good does not always equal not being safe.

[never-not-ever]

Can you share your story with us? You can do it ❤️

Thank you! It wasn’t that bad… The 8th graders this morning were paying attention which was nice but no one asked questions in the end so it was like a little awkward lol. But after that at the high school I was a part of 5 periods where the kids would shuffle in and me and my co peer mentors would sit at the front like a panel. Since there was a bunch of us we didn’t all have to present each time but I ended up doing mine twice!

Also just to preface this, my story is not the full story. The first draft I sent to the coordinator was like 10x long and over time we shortened it and tried to not make it as descriptive/triggering… but here ya go!

“Freshmen year of high school, I was sitting in class joking with my best friend about how it was going to be my last day in school. I had an annual physical with my doctor later that afternoon. This was my first doctors appointment since I started self harming. Back then I thought that the second she saw my arm I was going to get taken away by two men in white coats. I didn’t go to a psych ward that day. Instead, she asked me if I was okay and I replied “I’m fine, it was a stupid thing I did, I promise I won’t do it again”. She handed me a little white card with the name and phone number of a therapist. I often wonder what would have happened if I actually called that therapist and got help back in high school. Would the self harm have stopped? Would the suicide attempts have been prevented? Would I have graduated from college by now? Who would I be if I got help back then?

I think I had a pretty normal childhood. I didn’t have a mom and a dad but I had my Nana and my Aunt. My Nana got custody of me when I was 2 and she and my Aunt raised me my whole life. My Aunt was like my mother and everywhere we went people thought I was her daughter. I have no memory of my father. He was an alcoholic and left before my mother lost custody of me. My mother has her own problems with mental health as well as a drug addiction. We tried to have a relationship but as I grew up I saw who she really was. By the time I turned 15 I wanted nothing to do with her and I haven’t spoken to her since.

Growing up I was really close with my Aunt, she was like a mother to me, a real one. My Aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was in middle school and she was constantly in relapse and remission. For months it would disappear and then all of a sudden it would come back again. I went to a small middle school with probably about 15 kids in my class. I was the biggest person in my school. At the 8th grade dance all the other girls wore cute dresses and I wore pants and a nice shirt. That wasn’t my style but I was just way too self conscious to ever wear a dress. In high school I was once again the biggest person. I had a couple close friends but I hated being around people, always fearing that they were judging me for my size. I had a friend online who introduced me to self harm. He was always bullied so he starting hurting himself as a way to cope. You see I was never bullied. I was always overweight but no one ever called me names or made fun of me, at least to my face. I was the bully. To myself. I hated the way I looked, the things I said, the way I interacted with other people. I hated everything about myself. I always scolded myself for saying or doing the wrong thing. I started self harming in my freshmen year. Back then I didn’t see a future for myself. I was so depressed that I wasn’t thinking about the consequences I’d later face because of my self harm. My depression, along with my extreme self hatred, turned my self harm into a way to punish myself.

After high school my depression and self harm got worse and I started feeling suicidal. My Aunts cancer was back and had traveled throughout her body. She passed away in April of 2012. She died at home and I watched her take her last breath. Right after she passed I ran up to my room and tore apart the suicide notes and threw away all my self harm supplies all while telling myself “I have to be there for my Nana, I can’t leave her too”. My Aunt’s death made me feel selfish for feeling depressed and suicidal. It made me think of all the people who have it worse and here I was so depressed and wanting to end my life? It didn’t make sense. But I wasn’t choosing to feel this way and I had every right to feel the way I did. It took me a while to realize that but I know now after feeling such joy and happiness I wouldn’t chose sadness and depression, no one would. For a while after my Aunt passed away I thought maybe she was watching over me and so every time I had that urge to hurt myself it was easily pushed away. The day my Aunt died it was like I put this shield up and I automatically started comforting everyone around me so I wasn’t actually grasping the fact that she was gone. Later on that fall I tried to go back to school but my depression got worse and the reality of my Aunt’s death finally came to the surface and so I ended up dropping out. The self harm started up again and it was now a full blown addiction. 

Almost a year after my Aunts death I saw my first therapist and later that summer my first psychiatrist. I spent a year in therapy while working part time. I tried once again to go back to school but for the third time I dropped out. I was severely depressed, self harming and binge drinking alone in my room. I was soon admitted to a psych ward at McLean Hospital. I was there for a week and on the day I discharged I went home and attempted to end my life. The memories of that day will haunt me forever. Back then I didn’t think about how my death would effect the ones around me. When I hear suicide survivors talk about their lost loved ones it hurts to think I could have put my friends and family through that.  

For years after that I started this cycle where I would feel fine, happy even, for months at a time. But then out of nowhere I’d slowly start to feel depressed again and the self harm would start up. Depression looks different for everyone but for me it’s not wanting to get out of bed. It’s pushing away friends and family, always feeling like a burden. It’s staying up until 4 am and not waking up until the late afternoon. It’s binge eating and gaining weight and climbing up past 300lbs. It’s hating everything about yourself and the person you’ve become.

I’ve had to go back to the hospital a couple times since my suicide attempt. There were no scary men in white coats like I had thought. Going to the hospital is needed if you’re in danger of hurting yourself. It’s a place to go if you can’t keep yourself safe. A couple years ago I was feeling suicidal and I vaguely talked about it on Tumblr and thankfully someone called the police. Back then I was so angry at that person but looking back they probably saved my life. During one of my hospitalizations I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder which was something I had never heard of before. BPD is a mental illness that consists of intense mood swings, self harm, suicidal thinking, bad body image and impulsive behaviors. 

Finally I reached a point where I wasn’t constantly thinking about ending my life. I started Dialectical Behavior Therapy, the most successful therapy for helping people like me. This type of therapy can be done outside of the hospital so it allowed me to go back to work and school. It teaches you skills to help manage your emotions, maintain healthy relationships and handle stressful situations. I’ve done many different types of DBT therapy, residential, partial programs, groups and individual therapy. But I’ve finally gotten to a place in my recovery where all I need now is just therapy. It’s become a weekly place to check in and talk about any red flags before they become another spiral.

McLean hospital and DBT have literally saved my life. I mean, I saved my life but DBT taught me the skills to not destroy my relationships and myself. Today I’m in a healthy, stable relationship with my girlfriend and we’ve been together for 3 years. We just moved in together last summer and adopted two little black kittens. Last fall I passed my first classes since 2015 and I know now that I want to work in the mental health field some day. I’ve lost a lot of weight and I’m starting to feel more comfortable in this new body scars and all. I work full time as a florist manager and I’m now part of this amazing peer mentor organization. I might not be here today if someone didn’t call the police back then. I wasn’t able to reach out for help so I’m grateful that someone else was able to do it for me. It sounds cliche but it does get better and if you had told me that back then, I would have laughed in your face. After 12 years I still have urges to hurt myself and sometimes I hear a song that reminds me of the day I tried to end my life and all I want to do is sleep to escape those feelings. But it passes. The urges and the sadness and the hopelessness. It all passes. I think of my cats and how amazing it is to feel the sun on my arms. I think of things that help me chose recovery instead of resorting back to old behaviors and that’s how I know things are different now. Thank you.”

[ask-de-writer]

DARING DO and the ADVENTURE of the X'IBIAN VASE! : MLP Fan Fiction : Part 2 of 21

Return to theMaster Story Index

Return to MLP Fan Fiction

DARING DO and the

ADVENTURE of the X'IBIAN VASE!

by

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck) @ask-de-writer​

And

Carmen Pondiego @askcarmenpondiego​

Cover Art by

Doctor Dimension

52630 words

© 2020 by Glen Ten-Eyck

Writing begun 08/26/15

All rights reserved.  This document may not be copied or distributed on or to any medium or placed in any mass storage system except by the express written consent of the author.

//////////////

Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

Users of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights.  They may reblog the story.  They may use the characters or original characters in my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical compositions, provided that such things are done without charge.  I will allow those who do commission art works to charge for their images.  

All sorts of fan art, cosplay, music or fictions is actively encouraged.

///////////////////////

The partners opened the door to enter impressively.  They tripped headlong on their own wastebaskets! She made a point of looking up disapprovingly and said sternly, “Please be seated.  I will be with you momentarily.”

She continued to study and sip the expensive juice.  Shaking her head in mock frustration, she glared up at the dismayed partners.  “You really do need a better translator for X'ibian.  This farrago is nearly hopeless.”

Before any of them could respond to the multiple outrages that they were experiencing, Daring Do snorted, “Don’t like it when the intimidation is happening to you? Neither do I.  The difference is this.  I DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT IF I GET BORED!

“To business.  Now.”

“Um, that is my chair, Miss Do.”

“And you may have it back as soon as the conference is over, Mister Tyranny.  Along with it, you may have the juice, if any is left.  The longer that this takes, the less you get.”  She pointedly sipped more from the snifter.

“The FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS will be the payment of the sum of fifty thousand golden bits directly to my account at Equestrian National Bank.  This is repayment for your clumsy break-in of my office.”

“Now, Miss Do, you are making wild accusations that cannot be proved at all!”

Raising her eyebrows in amusement, Daring Do retorted, “Really, Mister Overthrow?  I know that this will not hold up in court because no warrant was used to obtain it.  Trust me, I have more.  Enough to put both you and Mister Robber into jail.”  

She shuffled through the stack of purloined documents and held up a map and a parchment, both sealed by chop and brush written.  The parchment was in Chineighese and the map notes written in X'ibian.

“Besides these, I have your accomplice who used a key to open my door, already in custody under the Royal Wing.  In Celestia and Luna’s Evidence are certain other things that can be traced to you both.”

Outraged, Mister Tyranny demanded, “What puts a minor break in at the University under the Royal Wing?”

Smiling sadly, Daring Do replied, “The fact that the broken figurines that were on my shelves were genuine antiques belonging to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.  They were gifts that I gave them and are formally recorded in the Royal Register.  That is where the bulk of the damages come from.”

Hardening to solid steel, her voice demanded, “NO CHECKS OR DRAFTS ON YOUR FIRM!  No PERSONAL ONES, either.  Irrevocable gold transfer orders to the Bank, now! The Princesses have already given the Bank their authorization for the size of the sum.”

“We will need to confer on this!”

“Confer away!  Just do not take too long nor leave this room for any reason.  The building is already surrounded by units of the Royal Guards backed up by the 23rd Airborne Armored Pegassi and the 4th Royal Armored Heavy Infantry.  Don’t believe me?  Just look out the window at the streets.”

They looked.  And shuddered. “What happens if we do the transfer, Miss Do?”

“It will reduce the issue to an out of court damage settlement.  The evidence will be kept in the case of violation or future charges from other misconduct.”

Glumly, Tyranny tapped codes into the Magic Net mirror built into his desk.  He spoke briefly and bitterly.  A few minutes later, Overthrow reported, “The armor is pulling back.”

There was a signal from Daring Do’s mirror.  She spoke briefly.  Looking up brightly, she reported, “The transfer is done and the military units will withdraw completely after our business is done and I am safely out of the building.”

Tyranny’s brow clouded with fury.  “We have paid!  Don’t you trust us?”

With an angelic smile, Daring do returned, “You are LAWYERS.  NOBODY in their right mind trusts you!

“Now, about this business that you wanted to hire me for.”

The three partners glared at each other first and then unified their hateful stares at Daring Do, who responded by by pouring another shot into the snifter and sipping appreciatively.

It was Robber who snapped, “After this extortion, why would we even consider you for anything?”

“You broke into my office, faking the breaking of the dead bolt and the frame to obtain information that you have totally failed to get.  You did find this map which you could have got a copy of for only five silver bits from the Antique Sites Registry.  You also stole a letter from my friend and guide, Sang He.  I suspect that you took it because it was in something looking like Chineighese.  It’s not.  This is modern X'ibian written with Chineighese characters.  Sorry.”

Sourly, Tyranny said, “That map has the exact location of the artifact that we are looking for. It is at the X.”

Daring Do almost spit out her juice, she was laughing so hard.  “You have marked the ancient Imperial city of Hong Wa!  Do you have any idea what the scale of this map is?  Your X marking the exact spot covers a radius of 15 kilometers from Hong Wa!”

Glaring at Daring Do, sitting in HIS chair, sipping His expensive juice, and laughing at him was not to be borne!  He haughtily informed her, “It is buried in the necropolis, a graveyard, just out of the city.  All that is needed is to find the appropriate tomb or grave and dig it up!”

Daring Do stopped laughing.  She was staring at Mister Tyranny as if she was looking at a retarded colt.  Jaw dropped, she asked, “Are you serious?  You should have bought the map from the Antiquities Site Registry.  You would have gotten the main site list along with it.

“Inside the radius of the X on the map, there are 14 necropoli, each housing over 2000 tombs and shaft graves.  This does not count the simple burials.  If you extend the search radius only a little, you also include the cliff burials. We cataloged over 300 caves, both natural and carved into the stone. The caves that we sampled had upwards of five hundred skeletons each.”

It was Mister Overthrow who dropped the bomb, so to speak.  “It should be easy to locate.  It is in the tomb of Im Farst, the founding emperor of the X'ibian Empire.”

Daring Do put a hoof over her eyes.  “You do know that that Im Farst is basically a partly documented legend, don’t you?  His tomb is RUMORED to be somewhere within three days walk of Hong Wa!  It has never been found.  Over a hundred legal expeditions have spent more than 3.5 million golden bits trying to locate it without success.  Luna alone knows how many illegal ones there have been.

“Among the over 2,000 artifacts that are supposed to have been interred with Im Farst, what precisely do you want found?”

Mister Robber growled as he held out a picture.  “This.  The small blue, green and white vase in the corner of this wall painting.”

Daring Do took one look and nearly fell out of the chair, laughing.  When she got herself under control, she chugged a big slug of juice before snickering, “The Heart of Discord!?  You want that!?  That wall painting is the ONLY record of its existence from the Ancient X'ibian Empire!  All of the mentions of it and claims about it and its mystical powers date from just after the Second Nightmare War, over 750 years after the Heart was supposedly buried and lost for all time!”

Tyranny gave Daring Do a squinty eyed stare.  “IF you can find it, we will not quibble the cost. Let us know how much you will need to mount the expedition and we will give you 50 percent up front and not worry about the recovery of it if you fail.  We do know your record for finding things that others have sought and failed to locate.

“If the Heart is found, we will pay the full balance and add ½ million gold for your service. Just sign this payment agreement and non disclosure document and we will be in business.

Daring Do took the papers and neatly folded them.  “I will keep things confidential, gentleponies.  I will have MY lawyer look them over and advise me about proceeding or not.

“If I go ahead with this, I will deliver this and my expedition workup to Horsetense, the receptionist in the lobby.  Please please be prompt with the payment.”

Getting up and leaving, she said over her shoulder, “Your chair, Mister Tyranny.  I am afraid that there is little of the juice left.  It was excellent.”

Down in the lobby, Daring Do asked a shaken receptionist, “I do hope that the Armored Infantry were polite to you?  I told them to be!”

“They were totally polite, except for setting up the sixty mm Mage-Mortars over in the park. That was not too reassuring.”

“I can see that.”

Daring Do left the building and sauntered up to the Colonel in charge.  “Very well done, Sir.  I will see that the Princesses get a truly favorable report of this action.”

He nodded with a smile.  “Thank you, Miss Do.  If all is in order, we shall withdraw at once.”

A while later Daring Do was staring at her mother’s Canterlot Headquarters.  She shook her head. The building itself, in the poor light of evening was nearly black. It loomed  above the street.  No other word would do; it loomed. There was a relatively huge planter/light box on the front of the building.  It was a pale purple, almost white.  The lights in the box illuminated huge letters spelling out, V.I.L.E.  The V was red over a gray circle with an off white interior.  The remaining letters were the same purplish off white as the circle’s interior.

<== Previous    Next==>

Return to theMaster Story Index

Return to MLP Fan Fiction

[deathbysquats]

FMLS90 Challenge - Week 0

I intended to do this last week but I got so busy with work and I had issues with Tumblr drafts only saving half of what I wrote. So here’s all of the first week of the FMLS90 Challenge.

9/30 - Intro Post - Tell us who you are.

My name is Jess, I’m 25 and I live in Central Queensland, Australia. I’m a full time radiographer and I really enjoy my job. Outside of work I like walking, hanging out with my friends, and watching good television shows (The Good Place is my favourite at the moment). I also have a 14 week old border collie called Gracie who keeps me on my toes.

10/1 - Tell us about your fitness Journey so far.

It’s a pretty typical story. I was always a bit bigger than me peers as a child but my weight started to get out of control when my mental health declined when I was around sixteen. I quit all sports and didn’t leave the house for a very long time, and with the crap I was eating, I gained weight. At my heaviest I was 100kg/220lbs (for reference, I am 166cm/5′5). I thought there was no point in trying to lose weight as I didn’t think I would be alive enough for it to have an impact on my health. But with time I got better and in 2017 I made a lifestyle change. I’ve lost about 26kg/57lbs through the ‘common sense diet’ and being moderately active; walking, going to the gym, and playing football. I’ve been stuck between 73-75kg for the past year and I am desperate to find something to change things up and lose the last 10kg.

10/2 - What are some of your high level goals for the rest of the year?

My main goal for the rest of the year is to lose about 5kg and gain muscle. Obviously in addition to using the scale I will take body measurements and pictures to track my progress, as the scale doesn’t tell the whole story. I will lose 5kg by meal prepping healthy lunches, dinners and snacks on the weekends, going to the gym at least twice per week, and taking brisk walks. I will also get another gym program soon as doing whatever in the gym just isn’t cutting it anymore. Posting regularly (a few times a week, as I know I probably won’t post daily) will keep me accountable.

Another goal is to regain more movement in my finger. I broke my finger (dominant hand) pretty badly and needed surgery to fix it in August. Recovery has been mostly smooth however movement is not coming back as quickly as I’d like. I need to continue my OT exercises so my hand will be functional again.

10/3 - Talk about your support structure. Who are your champions?

My gym buddy, Emma. We go for walks and to the gym a few times a week and we have been motivating each other lately to go more often. Aside from her, I talk about my fitness/nutriton to some friends at work. I also have Tumblr, too.

10/4 - What are some of your unique challenges? How do you plan to overcome them?

I work full time with very inconsistent hours including call, which makes getting settled into a workout routine really, really hard. I will overcome this by keeping a gym bag in my car with workout clothes, so I can go to the gym straight after work. I can also plan my workout days ahead of time when I get my roster.

My main physical challenge at the moment is obviously my finger. You wouldn’t think having one finger out of action would impact you too much, but it really does. I don’t have full function of my hand yet which does impact the type of workouts I can do. There’s quite a few exercises I used to do that I can’t right now. I will get that exercise program at the gym and the PT will give me exercises that will improve my fitness while accommodating my hand.

10/5 - How public or private are you as a person? How much of your fitness Journey do you plan to share here and with your friends and family?

I’m quite a private person when it comes to telling people in my life.  Because of the anonymity of Tumblr, I do feel like I can share more here. I do want to be more open about it in real life as telling others keeps you more accountable and likely to stick to goals.

10/6 - What are you looking forward to over the next 90 days?

I’m excited to get back into the swing of things with my exercise and fitness. I am also looking forward to documenting it all on this blog, and hopefully talking about it with others here so we can all help each other. Mostly looking forward to the feeling in January when I can look back and be proud of what I’ve done.

[kierarutherford]

I know you have a few published works and a ton of stuff on AO3... how did you get started on your writing, and are there any tips you would give to someone that was interested in pursuing that?

Thank you so much for the question! Wow, alright so I actually started in fanfic when I was about 16 (eek aging myself). I played a video game called Knights of the Old Republic and I was mad. So mad. I wanted a more in-depth romance between the main character and Carth Onasi. A grizzled military man, disillusioned with life. Eager to seek revenge and save the galaxy. ALSO voiced by pure sex Raphael Sbarge. Known best for his more modern role In Mass Effect as Kaidan Alenko. *Ahem* loved him too. 

So I sat at my little shitty computer, in my bedroom and I re-wrote the whole damn thing. I was so proud of myself, I printed it all out, punched holes in it and put it in a binder. (I STILL have it!) 

For years, I wanted to write creative stories but life wasn’t entirely kind in that regards and I ended up in a shitty relationship. Which is when I died. Literally. After some recovery, I found strength in my favorite series: Dragon Age and Mass Effect. 

Inquisition came out, and OMG Cullen!!! I couldn’t get enough of him. Seriously, obsessed! So much so I wanted to change things again. I wanted an Inquisitor that didn’t follow the lines, didn’t stick to a repeat process (I’d beaten the game roughly 30 times before I got to this point.) Then, I stumbled upon fanfics when I was googling Cullen related things. I was instantly like, “shit, I can do this! It’s not some weird closet stuff?” (ahem, again I’m 32... ) so I sat at my much better computer and I applied to AO3, and set up a tumblr. 

I started with Kiera Lavellan. Her story, which to be fair wasn’t as well thought out as I had hoped. I needed someone different to play with and I toyed with AU’s until I fleshed out Diana Trevelyan. She was my fire cracker where Kiera was a logical girl, an elf who wanted to be human. Because, why not? 

I read and read and read until I ran into an incident. I wrote a piece because I had seen SO many three some ideas that I wanted to make one. So I thought about an idea that made sense to me and wrote it. Some time after someone claimed I ripped off their idea. It was a horrifying event and I nearly quit. I took about a month off, and got angry. Clicked open a new doc and wrote. It flowed like fire from my fingers and I stopped reading other people’s stuff. I felt horrible not being able to share in people’s amazing work. But over time I realized one MAJOR thing: there are no original ideas. Only original styles and twists. We’ve all written “the coffee shop” or “a hallmark movie” type event, but our words, our style and characters make it unique. 

I read rarely now, I guess a part of me is still terrified. But I have some little mental things when I write. For one, I am mindful not to start off sentences with the same word repeatedly. IE: He, she, they, I. I try not to use the same descriptor in a row i.e, “They walked through the woods. Taking a path less walked upon.” Walked and walked sound strange like that so I do: “They walked through the woods, taking the path less worn by travelers.”

Other than that, I am still learning. I think writing is always about learning, and developing your style. Read your work back, out loud, word for word. Does it flow? Would you speak like that? Does it sound strange? Is there a better way to put that? Then, I post. For original content, I do a rough draft and walk away, sometimes for several months. I have a friend I verbally read it to, and we discuss. From there I’ll edit again and leave it to sit. Repeat above and then publish. It’s not easy, but I find it very rewarding. 

Thanks again for the questions I hope that answered them. My BIGGEST tip: Write. Even if you think it’s absolute garbage, write. You will never improve if you never do it. 

Cheers!  

[ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff]

Author’s Note: Update on Hiatus

Do not reblog this post. I don’t want any “discourse” from it. Fair warning, this is a long post. Tl;dr at the end.

Unfortunately, within the last few months especially, I received a number of hateful messages concerning Jack Lowden’s relationship status. They were rude to me for not believing their “evidence” that he might be dating someone else when I said I didn’t want to assume, and hating on my writing in general. To say the least, this was very disheartening.

To make it clear again: yes, I do have a crush on Jack. I am not entitled to anything from him just because I like him and his work. I will not be going on a jealous rage that leads to harassment and hate should he date someone. I simply admire him from afar and take inspiration from his media persona as a muse of sorts.

However, due to the amount of messages and their content, I began to associate Jack with those anonymous messages. I would feel sick with anxiety for hours because all I would think about would be those messages. Someone who is a small hero of mine was ruined by hateful people who didn’t even have the guts to show their faces, who had nothing better to do than to insult a blog they could very easily not look at. Writing, my everyday hobby, was soiled because my most frequent muse (Jack and all his characters) was tainted with hatred. I could no longer do something I loved or think of someone I respected without having an anxiety attack.

So I went on hiatus with his tags filtered and accounts unfollowed so that nothing would trigger me. Sporadic posts on my blog are simply to entertain myself. I still used Tumblr to talk to my friends and they have been very understanding. The fear that I would lose relevancy faded in favour of boosting my health because I want to be able to enjoy things and I’ll do whatever it takes to do so.

As of now, the messages have stopped. More recently, I’ve attempted to ease myself back onto social media. No longer do I feel overly sick or anxious when I see a post Jack has made. This of course does not mean I’m better, merely that I am on my way to recovery.

I will be returning to writing; I will do my anniversary blurb prompt list and 1k follower blog recommendation too. I just don’t know when. I have had the posts in my draft for a while. I hit 1k followers two weeks ago but I was not ready to make it known and receive any messages.

Once they are both done, requests will be to a minimum. Instead of constant requests, I will upload my own fics and the occasional request if I feel inspired. There were times I wrote requests I was uncomfortable with and I’m not proud of that. I don’t know if I will delete them. To delete would give the impression it was never there and I have a perfect record – obviously not true, I’m only human and I make mistakes. However I’m not so comfortable those staying up to reflect me.

I’ve already made it known that I don’t accept requests for certain people due to age and marital status but that their characters are fine. This might apply to all those I write for in future in terms of RPF. It’s a creative choice – sticking with characters that I can interpret as I please, established or OCs. But I’ll keep you updated on that.

When I get back to writing, I will not be uploading every day. It was fun and I loved almost being a frequent writer but it slowly grew unhealthy, where I would avoid real life interactions to meet a “deadline” and my happiness would depend on how many notes I got. That is not the motivation I want. I will upload as I please. Any messages that only ask when I’m updating will promptly be ignored and deleted. I’m setting boundaries for myself so that I don’t render this hobby to become unhealthy and so that I can focus on my education and my work.

If you did send those messages, insulting my work or abusing the use of anonymous messaging to plague me for not believing your “evidence” of someone dating another acquired through invasive action, I forgive you. But I won’t forget you, and if you do come to my inbox again, I will block you without hesitation.

Thank you if you read this whole thing. I just wanted to make it known since I never made it officially known I was on hiatus. 

tl;dr I had a break for mental health reasons, I’m doing better, I’ll get back to writing in the future but I don’t know when, requests will be bare minimum, I’m hyped to see MFM in a month and a bit.

[lubdubsworld]

Tumblr Prompt ( Min yoongi * OC)

arranged marriage angst. okay, so Yoongi comes back by popular demand. let’s watch him struggle to win her back. okay... lights camera, action.

....Read the rest of the stuff here : 

Part 1         Part 2         Part 3       part 4

~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 5/6

“This is one of the first pieces i designed. it’s called ,  Aeturnum. which is the Latin word for eternal. The necklace is made of sterling silver, something that has long been associated with magic . The stone used here is a ‘ Cat’s eye foiled cabochon. It looks like its holds the galaxies in it, doesn’t it? And it also looks so warm and full of love? and i thought, if anything is eternal, it’s the universe we live in. And the love that we fill it with...” 

I finished nervously , nodding at the applause. So far the room, filled with about 50 to 60 of the leading antique jewelry collectors in the country had been silent. they had reacted positively to most of the pieces. And I knew that this last one would be the most important. 

it would also be the most difficult . 

i took a deep breath. 

“People talk about recovery often. there are so many books describing how you can build yourself up. But no one talks about the fall. Because no one wants to relive it. “

I swallowed, taking a small sip of the water on the table. 

“A year ago, I thought i  lost something very.. valuable to me. i spent weeks trying to get it back. i wanted to go back in time and redo everything till i had that... thing again.  But funnily, what i never realized was that it had never been mine to lose.” 

I carefully shifted around, pulling the lever that would make the lots fall in place, revealing the extravagant necklace in lapis blue. The colors flashed bright in the dim lighting and i felt my heart lurch, as i remembered the tears i’d spilled, the broken syllables of his name just stuttering out without my permission as I slaved over that perfect cut. 

“this one is called fulgur which is latin for lightning. it describes the moment you lay your eyes on that special someone. it’s like you’ve been hit by a flash of lightning, something that has changed you forever. No matter how things work out, you’re no longer the person you were before you saw him/her. you’re changed , forever. it’s aquamarine, lapis lazuli and sapphire. ” 

I hesitated before grabbing the second lever. 

“This one is called  mirage. Which we all know is nothing but an illusion. it’s when you see things that don’t exist. You see meaning in meaningless touches and you convince yourself that what you’re seeing and feeling is real. when in fact it isn’t. when in fact, you aren’t really as important as you think you are. this stone is called the margarita stone. There’s a rhinestone pin set in the center with rose cut diamonds all around.  “ 

I took another look around the room before composing myself. why was this so damn difficult. 

“the third one is called error, which is latin for delusion. it’s when you feed your illusion, so much so that it starts becoming a delusion. you start giving parts of yourself to this person, convincing yourself that he loves you , just the way you love him and so you start losing parts of your soul, not knowing that when he leaves he’s going to take those parts of you with him and you’re just.. never going to be complete again. “ 

 just get this over with.

“ And finally... This is called Supernova. This is when all you mistakes come together and explode, destroying all your delusions and leaving behind a black hole of emptiness. You’ve lost everything that mattered to you, because the only thing that ever mattered was him , and now that he’s gone you can’t function. This is just Obsidian Stones. pure black and nothing else. “ 

I caught sight of movement out of the corner of my eye and went completely still when i saw the figure at the side entrance, leaning against the ornate door. 

And there he was, looking so good that my breath hitched and my jaw went slack. i stared at him, the lean frame, the broad shoulders. The perfectly styled ash blonde hair and the iridescent complexion. He was staring right at me. Dark eyes heavy as he watched me. 

 i saw the way some of the women turned around to get a second look. a better look. Because Min Yoongi was the sort of person, who made you look twice. 

With Yoongi , once would never be enough. 

you couldn’t just look once and ignore someone like that. You had to go back and reassure yourself that yes, he’s real. it’s not a dream after all. He’s real and he;s perfect and he’s there....  . 

My Lightning. My illusion. My delusion. My mirage .

Of course he’d be back. the moment i’d heard from a friend that Min yoongi was back in Seoul, i’d known that he would be back. 

with Yoongi once would never be enough. 

Not even when it came to breaking my heart. 

“The entire collection speaks of the crash. Because while healing is beautiful, heartbreak can be too. the crash and burn of emotions that go uncontrolled. Wild fire that burns down whole forests. And something beautiful , can come out of something tragic. Like these pieces. i hope you will recognize it for the sentimental value it carries and cherish it accordingly. “ 

As the exhibit ended and everyone began mingling freely, i slowly started putting the pieces in place. I knew he was making his way towards me and i was proud of myself for not turning tail and running. 

“Y/n.” He said softly and my name... on his tongue was just as sweet as it had always been. i smiled as i turned to look at him. His cologne still hit me like a truck and the sight of him, so close and so... reachable. touchable. it did things to me. i wanted to touch. To reach out, unbutton this shirt and press my palm to his chest, feel the warmth of his skin , the vibrato of his heartbeat and the heat of his muscles, firm beneath my fingers. 

it was like being hit by lightning , all over again. 

But i wasn’t an idiot.

“Did you enjoy the show, Doctor?” i said softly. He hesitated. 

“Y/n....”

“It was inspired by you after all. “ i said , still smiling and he flinched. 

“I should go.” He said stiltedly. 

i nodded. 

“You really should.” i said coolly, before turning back around to fix the jewelry. 

When I turned again, he was gone. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From : unknown.  10:43 PM

 Did you really have to do that, baby?  A bullet would have been kinder, if you were trying to kill me.

To : Unknown  10:45 PM

 yoongi?

From : unknown. 10:50 PM

Yeah.. it’s me... I... Hi. 

 I stared at the words , feeling helplessly lost and miserable. 

He did not have the right to do this to me. He really didn’t. But then... this was Yoongi. And without thinking too much i typed out the first thought that came into my head. 

To : Yoongi  10:55 PM[ unsent]

Why did you leave ?? [draft]

 i didn’t send it of course. A few minutes later my phone pinged again. 

From : Yoongi. 11.00 PM

i know i don’t have the right to say this... but... I’m sorry. i know the words don’t mean anything. i know you hate me and i won’t ask you to forgive me. i don’t deserve your forgiveness but.... I’m just... i’m happy. that you seem happy now. You’re successful and I know that you’re dating Seokjin. I’m happy for you. i really am. 

 I gripped the edge of my pillow biting my lips hard in annoyance. 

To : Yoongi 10:55 PM [ unsent]

Why did you come back?? [draft]

From : Yoongi. 12.50 AM

Good night, sweetheart. 

~~~~~~~~

“After spending an year in one of the prestigious universities in the World, Dr. Min Yoongi returned to Korea, last  week, only to have a mammoth fall out with his parents , who hold major shares in the Min Super Specialty Hospital in Seoul. The cause of the disagreement hasn’t been made public but close associates speculate that this has something to do with Dr. Yoongi’s very public divorce earlier this year.

The elder Min made it very clear that he did not approve of the divorce. But their personal feud spilled into their commercial life when Mr. Min announced that he would be withdrawing his support to the Hospital, from March.

As of today, Dr. Yoongi officially has announced that he intends to buy out his parents from the board of Directors to take full ownership of the hospital.

this is both extremely reckless and unwise, because the Mins have a net worth of 200 Billion Won ( approx 20 million USD ) in terms of shares and there is no doubt that this move will pauper Dr. Min Yoongi , especially because his hospital specializes in offering free and top quality healthcare to children...”

“ Y/N!! What are you watching?”

I moved to turn the TV off but it was too late. My sister stepped into the room, caught a glimpse of Yoongi’s face on the screen and her nostrils flared.

i jumped when my sister pulled the plug out of the outlet, causing the TV to fizzle out. She turned around to glare at me, eyes flashing with so much anger and annoyance that i recoiled.

“unnie... i was just...”

“what did i tell you about this?”

I sighed.

“He’s in trouble... i can’t just...”

“Can’t what? Can’t throw him away? Well, here’s news for you. He did the throwing! He threw you out like last night’s dinner and walked out of your life. So, it’s time you stopped watching and thinking and fucking caring about him...”

“I.. i don’t care about him..” I lied softly and she scoffed.

“No. Hell no.You do not have any excuse to watch this crap.  i will not sit here and watch you fall into that fucking rabbit hole again Y/N... he divorced you. He left you without so much as an explanation... he does not deserve that look you have on your face right now, alright. He does not... . it’s over. you do not have anything to do with him anymore. “

it’s not that easy. it’s not easy because this isn’t him. this is something bigger and stronger and more important than any heartbreak i may have experienced.

“I’m not going to do anything stupid, I just... he can’t possibly scrap up 20 million USD.” i said impatiently. “ it’s not for him.. it’s the hospital. You know how important that hospital is unnie.. So many kids and families depend on it and I just... i don’t want Yoongi to lose the Hospital...”  

And I don’t want Yoongi to lose his dreams.... i don’t want hurting. Did both of us have to be unhappy? I was suffering as it was so did he have to suffer too? It didn’t seem fair somehow....

“Are you serious? You want to help him now... after everything he did to you...”

“i want to help the hospital. There’s a difference. A huge difference. And i just.. i have an idea. “

“Y/N... Are you out of your mind? You actually want to see him again, that makes no sense..”

I sank into the seats, feeling defeated. Did i want to see him? No. Not really. At least not in the way my sister thought. I wanted to see him, just to remind myself that he was happy without me. That perhaps, letting me go had been good for him.

I thought that might help me move on.

But it didn’t work that way. i still loved him . Maybe more than he deserved. But then when was love a quantified commodity? If we only ever got the love we deserved, would anyone ever be loved enough?

If you only loved someone because they loved you back, how many people would you find to love anyway?

“I want to help him. I’ll always want to help him.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Maybe move the amethyst and jade on to the left? I think the rhinestone necklace and the bullet cabochon need to be on the second set of exhibits.” i said, scribbling down the instructions on a piece of paper, and watching one of Seokjin’s men carefully move the pieces as instructed.

“This is pretty damn amazing. all the tickets are sold-out. Not bad for a first time exhibition. “ Seokjin winked, giving me a one armed hug , his smile wide and happy.

I grinned and stretched my neck up to kiss his cheek.

“all thanks to you and Chae Rin unnie.... You guys really didn’t have to do this.”

“Come on, it’s the least we can do after you helped us out with Chae Rin’s show last month.”

Chae Rin’s fashion festival had hit a rut when her jewelry designer had taken ill all of a sudden. I’d designed jewelry for her entire line in a short time and in repayment, Seokjin and his sister had sponsored my first exhibition in Seoul. i was still completely overwhelmed by the attention and the flooding reviews and orders. it was surreal.

With Chae Rin endorsing my brand , almost the entirety of Seoul’s elite had become potential customers and long time clients in the space of a few weeks. i’d just shifted to a bigger studio last week, and the orders were still coming. I still worked alone though so most of those piece had a three month waiting period and amazingly the clients really didn’t seem to mind. Apparently, they absolutely adored the thought of wearing something that was handmade and customized , just the way they wanted.

“i think this is going to be a good show. “ i said with a smile, grabbing the clipboard and running my finger through the pieces, feeling a bit like I was dreaming. A dream that i could perhaps reach.

in the wake of that thought came a sharp searing pain right in my gut.

a dream..  

But not the one I’d dreamed so hard and so long, i thought bleakly.

“He’s back.” I said softly. Seokjin frowned.

“what?”

“Yoongi. He’s back in Seoul.” I sighed.

Seokjin looked surprised.

“i think he’s in trouble. I just.... I know i shouldn’t care but Seokjin... is there anyway you could help me meet him?”

Seokjin looked torn.

“Y/N...”

“it’s just.... there’s something i think will help him... help the hospital, I mean. i just want to make sure that he doesn’t have to lose out on the hospital...”

“Please tell me this isn’t about the...”

“We could make it an auction...” i said desperately. i didn’t really want to talk about Yoongi with Seokjin. this thing with Seokjin was still new and budding and i didn’t want to wreck it before it even began.

“Y/N! it’s your first exhibit... You can’t just make it an auction and...”

“of course we can. Look, i have it all planned out. I’ll have a pre-show,  during which i’ll talk about each piece and tell it’s story. anyone who buys it can get a one on one consulting with me and i can tell them exactly how and why the necklaces were made. Women like that. if they realize that the jewel has a special meaning, they’ll pay more for it. . Trust me, it will work. i’ll work hard for it... i can..”

“Y/N ...is it even worth it to...”

“Please..just... please Seokjin. Let me do this.” I felt my breath hitch. “ Yoongi saves lives. He saves helpless children. Nothing can be worth more than that....”

Seokjin sighed, gently wrapping his arms around me in a hug.

“okay, sweetheart. But that bastard better fucking apologize for the shit he pulled. You’re too good for him. You need someone who will cherish you for the amazing woman that you are. ” he said fondly, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead. 

I hesitated, hating the way it was Yoongi’s face that flashed through my head , everytime Seokjin kissed me. 

[ricekrispyjoints]

author about me

Tagged by @frenchibi​ !!!

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

no it’s not about weed my dad used to call me ricekrispies because of how easily i can crack a lot of my joints. he said i “snap crackle and pop”. so that’s me !

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

my absolute fave iwaoi piece that i’ve written, Learning to Walk (So that We Can Run) i’m so proud of it and so glad that it’s gotten so much love

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

it’s a manga cap of oikawa going “so fun~” bc i love my son xD

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

i’ve had a few people who will like, go through and read all my stuff in one go? and tbh i don’t get a lot of comments so really my favorite is everyone who decides to actually comment xD

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

There’s like. so many. i have literally over a hundred haikyuu fics bookmarked alone.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

according to ao3 i have 12 pages of subscriptions xD some of those have been abandoned i fear but i refuse to unsubscribe in case they return from the dead! bookmarks i have..... idk probably about 200 across all fandoms? the majority of that is haikyuu, but my yoi collection is growing.

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

i’m not really sure... lately i’ve been working on a lot of trans hc’s, but of my published stuff idk if there’s really a pattern

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

116 user subs, 1936 bookmarks

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

at this point i’ve already crossed into writing smut, which was like fear #1 xD

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

I just want to get more stuff written and published! i have so many more ideas than what i’ve actually put out there because I tend to bite off more than i can chew with some AUs...

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

i feel like i write majority iwaoi but of my published stuff it’s only 5/14 haikyuu fics?? xD my drafts folder, on the other hand.... i have a couple “rarepair” ships that i’ve written for (kurodai, hanamatsu) but i think the majority is popular ships

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

19 (but i orphaned a bunch of old johnlock fics lolll): 14 haikyuu, 3 snk, 2 yoi

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

uhhh 122 for fanfic, 84 original

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

usually write them down, but sometimes i like to leave them in my head while i kind of play with different ideas, before it becomes a solid story

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

not yet, but @frenchibi​ and i are gonna do something together !!

16. How did you discover AO3?

probably through tumblr? bc i was living my life on ff.net until suddently ao3 was like. everywhere xD

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

lmao no not at all xD

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

pfft no

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

i don’t really remember? i’ve been writing (non-fandom) since i was a kid, but i don’t know what got me started. childhood is kinda hazy for me D: now, my friends have been a huge inspiration to keep me going, helped beta things for me, bounce ideas around... that kind of thing :)

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

start small. i mean yes, there are people who are successful at like “this is my first fic ever! it’s an 80k wip!!” but i highly recommend starting with shorter stuff. get a feel for world building, character development (esp if it’s original writing!), and oh my gosh endings ?? the worst.

also just write what you love. if you want to hc everyone in the entire show as a bunch of trans gay people, then do it. who cares if that’s “unrealistic”. who cares! if it makes you happy, do it.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

depends. for short one shots, it’s usually like “oh what if this happened!” and then i just write it all out. for longer things or multi-chapters, i like to outline where i’m going, major plot points, etc. for my longest fic to date (152k) i had a separate like 20k document of backstory, character info, etc.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

happily, no. i’ve had a couple of comments with like, suggestions or polite criticism, but never of the work in general and always really kind and well-meaning.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

smut continues to be a challenge, tho i like to think i’m getting better at it? and angst. i love to read it, but i don’t think i’m so good at writing it.

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

currently editing my nanowrimo project, rising, which i have now posted chapter 1 of!

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

i have so many pans in the fire it’s crazy but i do prioritize one particular story at a time

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

honestly no. during nanowrimo i did, but i’m in grad school and unfortunately personal writing has taken a back seat to that

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

oh my gosh yes yes yes. a million times. i started when i was like. a child. i have read some of my old stuff and Y I K E S. cringey.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

definitely my knee surgery recovery fic, but followed closely by an original piece i wrote about my mental illness.

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

um anything i wrote for the bbc sherlock fandom i orphaned many moons ago. xD

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

i want to get back into a little of my original stuff again, but hopefully continue writing fanfic.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

sometimes when you just get into the flow of it and it feels like no time has passed but you’ve written like 4k in one go xD

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

endings. i don’t know how to finish a story. two of my nanowrimo projects (original fiction) just. are sitting on my comp. unfinished. it hurts :(

33. Why do you write?

because i think language is amazing and i like bending it to what i want to express

thank you so much for tagging me, this was fun and a great way to procrastinate my homework

i don’t really know a lot of authors?? so if you are an author and want to do this, i am officially tagging you :D

[jackpot807]

So what’s going on with this tumblr?

The whopping one or two people who have asked themselves that question (and that’s an optimistic estimate) have good reason to do so. I say I’m ‘starting back up’ and a bit under a year later there’s literally nothing at all. Well here’s why:

To make a very long and complicated story short, I have had the worst year of my life. A lot of things have happened. Most of this past year has been spent simply surviving. There have been moments where I sit down and try to get the words out, but they never come. There’s just simply too much happening.

But things have calmed down, now. Hilariously enough, when I say calmed down, I don’t say that with happiness. It’s more like, amputating a rotting limb. You wish you had it, but at least the rot is gone.

The past few months have been a recovery process.

So, now that you know, in vague detail, what’s up, you might be asking, “So what happens now?” Well let me explain the future of this blog. And there is definitely a future.

But that future is not now.

See, in September, I am enlisting in the Marine Corps. This is a decision I have spent over a year deciding, and I decided to finally take the plunge. It will shape me up into the man I always wanted to be. I can firmly say that I am not afraid. 

So what does that mean for this blog? Well obviously it’s going to mean more nothing. And that’s a blessing and a curse. Curse because, you know, no content, and blessing so that I can further hone my artistic talent in writing. And believe me I have definitely been doing that. I’ve been listening to a ton of audiobooks. I’m almost done with A Song of Ice and Fire but I’ve been listening to a lot of Cormac McCarthy as well. George RR Martin’s writing has certainly wiggled its way into my own. There’s a couple drafts for the next chapters of warrior and wander that I have in my google docs, and I can tell that I’m emulating his writing, and honestly I think it’s a step up from what I have been doing. 

When I’m away I am going to further develop the ‘structure’ of Wander. And at the same time I am going to somehow get Act I of Warrior down on paper. See, Act I is almost completely political, and I have absolutely no idea how to do politics. So I’ll be spending the time at boot camp understanding that, and building the narrative around it. With some luck and effort, I might just have a draft for all of the first act of Warrior ready. After that, everything else comes easy.

So anyways that’s that. TLDR, there’s still going to be radio silence, but I promise I am not forgetting this blog. Even if only I am reading this, my mind always comes back to this, and I will never sleep easy until I complete the projects I have set out to make.

Thank you for staying with me, and have a pleasant fall.

-Jackpot