#I LITERALLY NEED TO FIND THIS OR MY LIFE IS INCOMPLETE

[amylilly]

OKAY SO I DONT REALLY LIKE ASKING FOR HELP BUT LIKEE I KINDA NEED IT (also im shit at explaining sooo, sorry)

So anyone who reads sanders sides fanfics (or just in general) I NEED HELP FOR FINDING THIS ONE FANFIC THAT IS STUCK IN MY BRAIN AND IF I DONT READ IT IMA EXPLODE

My memory is kinda shit but ill try to recall as much as i can

the fanfic was about logan, patton, virgil, roman, and maybe thomas too?? getting kidnapped?? sucked into a game/rpg?? and they had to find some items to defeat the boss and stuff. I remember that they had weapons but idk what they were. i think one of them got their arm broken, and i think they were spilt for a bit (like 2-3 chapters if i remember correctly) i don’t remember how they escape exactly but i remember they woke up, talked about for a bit and went along with their days? i might be remembering wrong for some parts. The fanfic was on ao3 and it was multi-chapter. i think LAMP was also in the tags but idk

if anyone can find it lemme know please its been stuck in my head for days and i had no luck finding it so far.

and now ima head out bc i spent too long thinking about this fic and i really need to do my homework like rn

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

Four to Tango (poly!Mates Bat Boys)

Pairing(s): Rhysand x Reader, Cassian x Reader, Azriel x Reader

Warnings: foursome, smut, just a reason to create smut where three gorgeous fucking men rearrange your organs, cunnilingus, fingering, p in v, never ending orgasms lol, overstimulation, all three of them are utter teases, polyamorous mates, no jealousy, rhys loves to watch his brothers fuck you stupid, my emotional support bat boys, i desperately need them rn, foursomes are hard to write ngl 🫠

Words: 5836

Summary: Three of them at the same time? You may not make it out alive.

Life before your three mates had never consisted with as much sex as it does now. In fact you were a virgin when you met the Illyrian trio. Not for lack of trying to get into a relationship. There were other concerns for you to attend to that distracted you from finding a partner.

Then Azriel literally fell into your lap. Followed by Cassian descending from the sky while laughing at the other who was blushing furiously and trying to scramble off of you with a string of apologies. Rhysand, with a flap of his wings touches down to the ground with an entertained grin. Until his violet eyes noticed you. Really noticed you. Almost reading into your soul.

Had it really been only four months since then?

Thinking about it had you blushing into your pillow. Four months of mind shattering orgasms and lavished with never ending affection. You must have really been good in your past life to receive these three as a reward.

Rhys shifts beside you. Voice husky from sleep but practically purring when he wraps his arms around you. "Seems like its been longer than four months, huh?"

His palms flatten against your midsection. Warmth immediately spreading across the plane of your skin. You wiggle closer to him and in reply, Rhys buries his face in the juncture of your neck. His lips pepper small kisses along the soft skin of your jugular.

He took turns with Cassian and Azriel as to who spent the night with you. It was only fair. You told them that you cared for them all equally and it didn't matter to you. You'd accept whatever they could agree upon without there being any jealousy.

Rotating was tricky in the beginning. Giving them each the same amount of attention to prevent feelings of being left out. And maybe you were starting to get greedy with their love because you couldn't help but feel incomplete without the other two when you were in one's bed.

Your inner musing catches Rhysand's attention; seemingly waking him up. The arm laying on top of you is removed when he sits up. Did you unintentionally offend him with your thoughts?

"Would you be interested in all three of us here?" He questions.

You turn to address the high lord of the Night Court. Beautifully and sinfully sexy the way he leans on his elbow to gaze at you. Tousled black hair shifting across his brow. What an alluring sigh the made. Tattoos and scars marking the smooth surface of his tan skin.

"All three of you in this bed?" It had been done before when you wanted to cuddle with all three of your mates. Rhys' bed nearly broke, not large enough to support two extra heavy frames.

"More than that." Rhysand's thumb brushes a stray hair out of your face. The depth of his tone had a warmth shooting down to your core. Thighs press together, you melt under his attention. "All three of us feasting upon you. At the same time." A growling undertone hits your ears. Your breathing becomes shallow as he holds your gaze.

You gulp, mind already racing when you whimper out "A-All of you?"

Rhys reads each and every one of your dirty thoughts, his lips curling sinisterly. "Can I take that as a 'yes', love?"

A furious blush overheats your cheeks and the tips of your ears. "I-I. . . How would that even work out?"

He leans in and nips at your already burning shell of your ear "You leave that to us."

Ever loving to tease you, he leaves with that promise hanging in the air. Claiming he had work to do but that he'd see you for lunch. For a while you lay in bed, thinking of the dark glint in your mate's eyes.

Surely, all three of them would be way too much for you to handle. Each of them were terrifyingly well-endowed. Especially Azriel. It took several tries to get more than the head of his cock inside of you. In the end he had to ease it in slowly over several dates until you could fully sheath him.

It became your hyperfixation throughout the day. As you went about the House of Wind to when you were out in the town market.

When you bump into Mor back at the townhouse, she manages to make you squeal on what Rhys had brought up earlier that morning.

Mor lets out a low, impressed whistle. "You have got to be the luckiest female in all of Prythian. What are you sweating about?"

"I can barely handle one of them at a time, Mor. I fear they'll kill me. Death by cock. I don't want that on my tombstone."

"Death by cock doesn't sound too bad." she hums but it turns into a snort when she catches your distressed expression. "Quit fretting. They'll take good care of you."

Chewing on your bottom lilp you knew you probably came off as silly to her.

Mor's hand caresses your upper arm. In a short amount of time, Mor had become the big sister you never knew you needed. She became your confidant and would keep all of your secrets; take them to the grave if required. "They're dumb males but they love you. Never in a million years would they ever dream of doing anything to hurt you."

That was clear to you since day one. The Cauldron destined all three of them to be your mates for a reason.

And it could be fun.

Who were you kidding, you knew it would be fun. Having sex with them individually always reduced your bones to pure pudding. They were overly generous lovers. Always making sure you climaxed first. Treating you not like a queen but a divine entity to be worshipped. Their faces, your thrones.

Talking with Mor did you good. You felt absurd at your previous concern. This would be the experience of a lifetime. Getting to love all three of your mates at once had you giddy.

After Mor leaves, you're constantly checking the clock. Almost lunch time. That meant your boys would be home at any minute. Your heart felt like a energetic bird in a cage, banging against its bars in desperation to get out.

You debate going upstairs and changing your underwear to something sexier when you stand to head toward the stairs, that's when the front door opens. Poking your head out from around the corner, you confirm it to be your boys. You were still getting used to the feeling of the mental connection that connected you to your three mates. Cassian and Az are in the middle of a conversation behind Rhysand when the trio walks in. Rhys grins at you before grabbing the attention of the Illyrians who stop their chatter.

Never one to be subtle, Cassian struts past them and pulls you out into the entry hallway. He swoops down to capture your lips with his, picking you off your feet unintentionally. His kisses always took all the air out of you, making your head delightfully light and floating. Cassian's eyes hold specks of glittering gold when he returns you to the ground.

"Welcome home." you breathily greet him. You swear Cassian puffs his chest out like a proud parrot every time he can get your vision to go starry with his kisses.

"You should've moved in a long time ago. I like coming home to you." Cassian's voice is smooth, deep as if purring.

Rhysand chuckles at your swooning thoughts toward the general. "Easy Cass. Get her any more riled up and we may not make it to the bedroom in time."

The cool caress of Azriel's shadows slithering up your legs accelerates the 'lub dub' of your chest.

"Aw, am I exciting you princess?" The general gets an immediate reaction when he picks up the scent of your arousal dripping from between your legs. Dark delight curls Cassian's lips.

Rhysand and Azriel appear to smell you as well. Hunger straightens their backs and their pupils blowing out. Azriel's serpentine shadows squeeze the fat of your upper thigh, another prods curiously at your clothed pussy, asking for permission inside. "Now sweetling, you wouldn't want anyone to come upon us and ruin our fun. Be a good girl and head up those stairs."

"You heard him." Rhysand reinforces Azriel's command when you hesitate, your face beet red. His chin tilts up, gesturing to the staircase on your right.

They looked like three wolves before they pounce on the poor unsuspecting lamb. You go up the stairs on wobbly legs. Every inch of you tingled with anticipation feeling the heat of the boys at your back. They're basically panting behind you, forced to watch the sway of your hips and ass as you go up one step and then another. Its a race to the bedroom door. You're the one to twist the knob, but its the flat of three palms against the door's smooth frame that shove it wide open. Cassian scoops you up, the ground slipping out from under you.

Cassian twirls you around before settling you down on the mattress like the treasure you were. If he possessed a tail, you bet all the riches in Prythian that it would be wagging fast. His lips are placing kisses all along your exposed legs, having flipped your dress skirts up. You uncontrollably giggle when he reaches the upper insides of your thighs, so close to your core.

You catch Rhysand's dark chuckle, the door closing shut follows after.

"Impatient as ever, Cass." Azriel comments and moves to one side of Rhys' bed while Rhysand stalks toward the other.

Hovering over you with his hair tickling your face, Cassian smirks and gifts you one last kiss before allowing you to sit up. With your three mates in front of you, you couldn't help feeling a little shy. Individually, you'd become sexually confident with them. But to have three pairs of lustful eyes all focused in on you. . .

You fidget and squirm, feeling the space between your legs flutter. "S-So. . . how is this going to work?"

"Nervous?" Rhysand reaches his hand out to gently stroke a lock of your hair.

"A little. I mean, to have the Night Court's high lord, general and spymaster all together is a bit intimidating. But I trust all of you." You grip Rhys' hand and move it towards your lips to kiss his knuckles; swearing that you hear him sharply inhale as you do so. You spoke the truth when you said you trusted them. They had you feeling confident and bold with the lavish amounts of love that they bestowed you with each day. How they made you feel like you could take on the very world itself as long as they were by your side.

Letting go of Rhysand's hand, you start to undress; overtly cognizant of their heated stares. Fully naked, you decide that Azriel's been so patient in waiting for attention. He grins when you crawl onto his lap and cup his jaw to pull him into a fervant kiss. His wings twitch and the shadows that perpetually clung to him push you closer against his form. In the background, you hear Rhysand and Cassian shuffle around. You wonder if they'd talked about this often.

"Oh, we have." Rhysand grins. "Many times. Sweetling, you have no idea the of the plans we've devised."

Azriel bites your lip in the moment making you gasp. Those powerful hands of his grip your ass tightly, forcefully moving you in a grinding motion against his hardening cock. Not caring that a smear of your arousal shined on the fabric of his pants.

"All the ways we can absolutely devour you."

Behind you, sharp teeth graze your shoulder making you squirm even more on Azriel's lap.

"The delicious thing that you are, it was necessary to. . . coordinate our moves." They move from your shoulder to your neck.

Your moans are unrestricted, they simply go directly into Az's mouth. He greedily feasts on them, tendrils of shadows softly gliding down your calf and to your ankles.

Now, Az.

You're not spared even a second before you're flipped around. Azriel takes hold of your wrists, splaying you out in front of Rhysand and Cassian. Their tattoos free from the confines of their shirts. And of course their well endowed shafts were already hard.

Rhysand is on his stomache, creeping closer to your pussy lips to brush his mouth against it before nuzzling with the tip of his nose at that little bundle of nerves that had the muscles in your thighs twitching. Teasing at first until his tongue lazily toys with it.

Azriel has you completely restrained. Nowhere for you to run or hide.

Fingers rub along your labia that was coated in your slick. Rhysand uses his fingers to gently pull your lower lips apart.

Your hazy gaze falls on Cassian who is gently stroking himself. He sends you a wolfish grin when he catches you. "Feel good, princess?"

All you can give out in response is a kiltered mewl. Rhysand was making his circles larger and larger around your clit. The tip of his finger starts to tickle at your entrance.

"A-Aahh-" Head lolling back, it falls against Azriel's shoulder. He's kissing the length of your neck, definitely leaving love bites.

Inch by inch, Rhysand inserts his index finger in you and ever so gently begins to curl his finger from inside of you. It's featherlight but enough to send an electric jolt through you and up your throat. Between your legs, Rhysand is constantly changing his speed and pressure. You squirm when Rhysand easily slips another finger inside of you and picks up his tongue speed on your clit.

You're trying your best to gyrate your hips to a near grind against Rhysand's face but Azriel's pesky shadows simply wouldn't allow it.

"Please!" You moan with another pathetic thrust of your hips.

Rhysand's lips smirk against your pussy.

"What do you say, general? Should the high lord let our well mannered lady come?" croons Azriel as he nips at the soft spots on your neck.

The tip of Cassian's cock is blushing with the most perfect bead of precum like a pearl. His lips curl in a smile when he catches your pretty eyes staring at him. He makes a show and swoops his thumb over the tip of his cock, dilated pupils observing how your mouth unconsciously opens with want to take in Cassian's member. And he would love to shove his cock down your throat, but that would have to be another time.

Instead, Cassian chooses to cock his head in scrutiny. "Too soon, don't you think?"

You desperately shake your head in disagreement but behind you Azriel laughs. "You're a cruel bastard aren't you?"

Shrugging indifferently before turning a wicked smirk your way, Rhysand returns to teasingly feasting on you as you squirm to shove your pussy closer to his mouth. He reduced his tongue strocks to pathetic kitten licks that had you wanting more.

Replacing Azriel's hands was the cool grip of his shadows as his hands now grip your tits. Scarred finger pads toy with your nipple until both are erect. Between your legs Rhys continues running the flat of his tongue up and down, dealing little rolls of the tip of his tongue against your clit occasionally. Just enough to keep you on the edge.

You're a whimpering, moaning mess. Half lidded eyes are barely able to make out the now fuzzy image of Cassian as he strolls to your other side. He puts one knee on the bed and leaning on his hands for support, he bites at your free tit that isn't being tortured by Azriel's loving pinches. His mouth latches on instantly.

Focus all over the place, you're lost in your own heady bliss and while you were denied your orgasm, your whole body was trembling from your mates' individual actions.

When Rhysand sits up, you nearly scream in frustration and pull at your shadowy restraints. "No!!"

They laugh at you and the bucking of your hips against empty air. You find yourself being manhandled once again, your tummy pressed against the mattress with your ass high in the air. Instead of Azriel's cock springing in front of your face its' Cass'.

Not needing any instructions, you take him into your mouth. You feel Cassian twitch against your tongue.

"See what a good girl she is, Cass? Come on. She deserves to come." the High Lord runs his hand along your flank, giving the globes of your ass a small squeeze. "Accidentally" slipping his thumb past your pussy lips.

Just to show Cassian what a good girl you were, you swallow more of his girth down your throat and hum. The vibrations that jolt up his cock has Cassian jerking his hips with a groan and threading his fingers into your hair. Rolling his head back, Cassian feels the walls of your throat tighten.

Through the warming of his face, Cassian trains his eyes back on your face.

"I think to sweeten the general up, perhaps our good girl should make the general come." You barely hear Azriel's smooth voice over the pounding of blood vessels in your ears. The entirety of the bottom of your face is covered in your own saliva and Cassian's precum. Your breathing was labored as you even struggled to inhale through your nose. Determination burning you up from the inside as you enjoy Cassian's cacophony of moans. Fueling the inferno in your core that has you wantonly feverish.

Obscenities made up of wet gagging noises coming from you and Cassian's own erratic growls fill Rhysand's master bedroom.

If anyone were to walk by outside-

"Don't think of that." Lightly scolds Rhysand. "There is no world except for the one in this room." His tongue licks from your clit to your perineum making you shiver and moan with your mouth full of Cassian.

There's a tug from Cassian's hand in your hair, pulling you back to the present matter at hand. He grinds his hips against your face. You're more than happy to forget about any sense of decorum or shame.

Your thoughts please Rhysand as he practically purrs against your pussy before he starts a full on make-out session with your lower lips. Your pitiable moans that send pleasurable quivers through Cassian's cock was enough to have his grip tighten in warning before shoving you off. Immediately follows the ribbon of cum shooting from his tip

"F-Fff-Fucking good girl" Cass' tone sounds like a curse but his red cheeks and heaving chest told you plenty. In a appreciative gesture, you run your fingers through the tantalizing streak of his happy trail, skating over the ridge of his cum gutters and up the mountain of abs.

It's all you can do as Rhysand spears that exquisite tongue of into your pussy while also stimulating your clit.

Alright, the general has spoken, sweetling. I'll give you a big reward.

Rhysand makes sure to keep his hands attentive to your messy, wet pussy when he pulls his face away. From the mess you left on his hands, Rhys uses it to coat his cock and and gently taps the tip against your entrance.

All the while Cassian brushes a few strands of hair out of your face before cupping it in his massive, callused hands. He always held you like you were a fragile egg. Intently watching every twitch of your face as Rhysand slowly pushes the blunt end of his cock into you. Inch by inch, he sheathes his member; like a sword with its scabbard. Your mouth parts, forming a soft 'o' shape as you feel your gummy walls accommodate his girth. For even Rhysand its a snug fit but being patient rewards him. Strong hands keep your hips in place.

Need to make sure I stretch you out a little before you take Az.

You're surprised you have a bit of your whits with you as you numbly think Where is Az?

"I'm right here, princess." Azriel sits on the bed once again, this time matching everyone else's nudity.

Again you're taken aback by how truly lucky you are when you gaze at Azriel and Cassian with half-lidded eyes. Cassian was already at half-mast in a matter of seconds thanks to the way your tits bounced when Rhysand fluidly slid his cock in and out. The powerful lines that composed their physique. Each muscle a testament to the trials and tribulations they have survived through. Your mates.

"Yes." He picks up his pace while swiping his thumb over your clit. "We're all your's sweetling." Heat radiating off of Rhysand makes your back start to sweat. Especially when he leans his forehead to press against your shoulder as he nearly folds over you, his thrusts becoming more animalistic as he neared the pinnacle of his own pleasure.

It's ridiculous how hard Rhysand can make you come. Overwhelming that your own small body could hardly contain it in your physical vessel. You can't help the tears that warm the backs of your eyes as you feel a thousand stars burst from inside of you. Stardust blurs your vision as your pussy walls clamp down on Rhysand mercilessly in your orgasm.

You're grateful that Rhysand solely is keeping you up. Your own body fails you as muscles spasm and every bare inch of you grows overly sensitive to Rhys' tightening grip.

Searing heat fills your core. The only sign that Rhysand has reached his climax as well besides the vicious bites he leaves all over your shoulders.

Your boys laugh when you face plant into the mattress, a heaving mess already and Cassian nor Azriel have had their fun yet. You will your arms to lift you up.

Red faced Rhysand takes pity on you and wraps one arm around your midsection to help you at least sit up enough to focus on the other two males whose chest are heaving just as much as yours'. Azriel's pupils have swelled till they took over his natural eye color. They'd look terrifying if it weren't for their raging cocks.

Well. . . the sight of those impressive members were slightly terrifying but also thrilling. Surprised when you felt your sticky pussy clench with need. Spoiled your cunt had become. Utterly spoiled by your three indulgent mates.

Cauldron grant you strength.

"Az and Cass will take care of you while I get you some water." Rhysand breathily tells you as he attempts to catch his own breath. You pout slightly when he moves to leave. He kisses your lips to placate the pout. "I'll be back. You'll be good. Won't you?"

"Always." You beam up at him. It has Rhysand melting, debating on staying and sending for one of the wraiths to fetch you water, but he knew you loathe the idea of anyone hearing your moans besides your mates.

With another promise of being prompt, Rhysand takes a second to at least put some pants on before leaving the room.

That's when Cassian unexpectedly pounces on you, pushing you back down against the mattress as you squeal your surprise. His lips are all over you, nips and kisses alike.

"Remember, we have to wait for Rhys." Azriel pipes up much to Cassian's chagrin as he shoots the spymaster a tampered down glare. While he's not too bothered with waiting, that doesn't mean he wasn't going to play around with you a little bit.

"Yeah yeah I know." Cass grins, his face leans down to hover over your tits before he takes on in his mouth. His teeth gently tug at your nipple making you warble. He hollows out his cheeks to give it a good suckle. "You'd probably do with a good tit sucking, Az." Comments Cassian once he removes his lips with a loud 'pop' noise.

"Then quit hogging them." Grins Azriel and pushes his brother's face away from your chest. Actually he nearly shoves Cassian off of you in his haste to latch his lips around your pert and abused bud. Imprints of Cassian's front teeth could be made out on the delicate skin of your breasts. Cassian doesn't put up a fight and watches Azriel swiftly clamber atop of you.

His giant wings block out the rest of the room, encasing you so that you could only focus on the spymaster.

He slithers down onto his tummy, his face making a slow ascent to your tits. Biting at the undersides, soft and tender and already baring red marks from Cassian's previous nibbling. Azriel's palm goes to cup at your heated pussy, still slick from your orgasm and leaking even more now with their touches.

You grind against his bare hand, absolutely drooling at the deep growl that rolls through him when you do so. Feel your lower lips spread against his palm, Azriel lets out another debauched groan that was now being muffled thanks to your nipple in his mouth.

Wrapping your arms around Azriel's head, you pull him closer to your chest and weave your fingers into his dark hair. In response his suckling becomes louder, the sensation shooting a thrill to your pussy. You coo praises with your head thrown back and your legs wrapping around Azriel's waist.

"Uh-uh sweetheart." Azriel lifts his face when he feels you trying to wiggle onto his cock. "Cassian has to stretch you out next."

"I've taken you before though. I can do it without any prep." Complaining, you're basically whimpering when Azriel peels himself completely off of you. You want to bite your tongue off for even saying anything.

"Looks like she's about to have a tantrum." Teases Rhysand when he opens the bedroom door to slink back in, but it was true. Azriel had worked you back up and now you were in need of another cock inside of you.

At least he's able to stop your pouting when you hands you water. You didn't realize how parched you were until the first splash of cold water hits your tongue. Guzzling it down, you're not paying attention to your bat boys having a silent conversation. One that you were not allowed in on.

Rhysand winks. Distracting you from Cassian sneaking up and lifting you high up onto his shoulders, smashing his face right into your pussy. Your fingers claw at his shoulders for stability as you feel yourself teeter to and fro.

"Cass!" Squealing, you can't enjoy his tongue fucking into you since you're doing your best to not fall.

Doesn't help when you can feel the vibrations of Cassian's low chuckle.

Its hard to forget just how powerful your mates are. Reminded consistently by their massive muscles. Cassian's hands never quivered in holding you up above his face.

You shiver and go slack jawed.

There you go.

Shadows help you to steady yourself on Cassian's hands, giving him your absolute trust.

When he's satisfied with how wet you are, Cassian slowly moves you down onto his lap. Each inch of him you took in, you let out sweet little cries. Lewd squelches emit from your singing pussy, Azriel and Rhysand watch with rapt attention at the general's cock splitting you open.

Your high lord nudges at his spymaster.

Azriel obeys and right in the middle of a cry provoked by a particularly hard thrust on Cassian's end, Azriel shoves his cock into your wide open mouth. The back of your throat is punched by the tip of Azriel's cock, enticing your gag reflex to choke you. Corners of your mouth ache when your lips have to widen even more in order to take Azriel's fat dick. Your eyes burn with dewey tears and a silver string of saliva dribbles down your chin.

Cassian continues to fuck you harder and your muffled cries has Azriel's spine tingling and his cock twitching in your mouth as his hips continue to thrust in and out.

Even with Cassian supporting all of your weight, you find your thighs trembling and hips quaking every smack of Cassian's pelvis meeting your ass.

Surprisingly, Azriel's own rhythm matched that of Cassian's. They really did plan this out. Impressive.

"We had to plan things out. You could get hurt otherwise." Rhysand replies. He couldn't explain the immense arousal it gave him to watch his brothers spitroast you. To watch the veins in your throat bulge and your red face streaked as pleasure induced tears slip down your cheeks. Quite the sight to behold and the most beautiful image in the world to Rhys.

The same time your head was bobbing, so was your ass as Cassian lets out possessive growls that outwardly had him appearing vicious. Cass' grip on your thighs told him otherwise, it was one of assured strength that he would not let you fall.

He knew you always thought yourself to be the lucky one in the relationship. Lucky to brag of your three strong mates that could rule all of Prythian's courts if they developed the taste for it.

In all honesty, they were the ones who felt like the luckiest bastards.

A mate wasn't something they ever thought would be bestowed to them. Blood trailed behind them. Brutal childhood years that physically and mentally scarred them for life.

You were their reward for all those horrible years.

And he couldn't imagine sharing you with anyone else but his lifelong friends that were basically brothers to him.

You're slapped across the face as another climax seizes control of your limbs. Spasming against Cassian's face that was now utterly demolished by your slick that gave his lips a shiny glaze.

You don't give Azriel an opportunity to pull his member out of your mouth before he too is creaming against your tongue. Thick, long ropes that coats your esophagus.

Abruptly, Azriel rips his cock out of your mouth as Cassian flips you onto your back and with one hand, holds your knee ditch in place and truly pounds into your pussy that had your tits bouncing uncontrollably from the velocity. He's smacking your wet, overly sensitive clit using the flat of his fingers. You shriek, feeling your back swallowed up by the mattress below you. Cassian could crush all of your bones and you wouldn't give a flying fuck in that minute.

With one last, devastating thrust, Cassian spills his warmth into you.

Giving yourselves extra time to come down from yet another post-coital high, Cassian slips out from you and gently places your legs back down. He pats your flank like you're a brood mare. "Atta girl."

Unable to conjure the energy to laugh, instead you wheeze out a scoff and half-heartedly swat at his arm.

He casts Rhysand and Azriel a teasing grin. "She's ready."

Azriel, your usually sweet and gentle Azriel suddenly has a predatory glint in his eyes. "Spread her."

Working together, Rhysand and Cassian grab hold of one leg each; parting them so Azriel can lewdly examine his prey.

"Look at this." Azriel hums and swipes his finger along the slit of your pussy, collecting a bit of Cassian's cum on his index finger. "Already stuffed. I wonder if my cock can even fit in there with both Rhys' and Cass' cum."

Despite your heated blush that made you dizzy, your lips quirk up. "The only way to find out is to try."

With all of the mixed liquids coating your cunt, it was pretty easy for Azriel to slide half of his cock into you. The rest he eased in with a few rocks of his hips. A growl that comes from the pit of his stomach is ripped out of Azriel, his wings flaring out when he takes you. His brothers continue to possess a secure hold on your thighs as their eyes focus in on the contorting features of your face.

The pressure of his cock is enough to pin you down. Overwhelming even but you'd taken his shaft before and you were determined to do it again.

In order to do so, you will your body into complete, ragdoll obedience that relaxes your entire body; even the death grip the walls of your cunt had on Azriel. It garnered him more wiggle room to start bullying his cock further into you.

Rhys actually breathes out a soft laugh "Wow. . . is that what being 'cock drunk' looks like?"

Cassian groans and using his free hand begins to fist his dick. "Cock drunk on Az's cock, princess?"

Unable to laugh, instead Az's lips twitched into a grin; one of his hands roam to stroke your cheek. You're thoughtlessly nodding along to whatever Cassian was saying. All you understood were the two words "Az's" and "cock".

For a second, you really do fear that Azriel will split you in half when his length pushes past the sensitive roof of your pussy and rams its head against your cervix.

Each love tap had your toes curling inward and your eyes rolling back.

Another?

Greedy girl. Do you even know how many times you've come?

You squeal, hips meeting Azriel's in perfect synchronicity. They can taunt you all they wanted. As much as they made you cock drunk, the three of them were completely pussy whipped.

In retaliation Rhysand gives your nipple a harsh tug. "You'll pay for that later, sweetling."

Exhausted was an understatement.

All four of you lay in a disgusting heap of limbs and collective sweat. Half of Cassian's body hung off the edge of the bed. He didn't mind. At least he was able to cool off even his foot was basically touching the ground and put a few inches between himself and Azriel. You lay between the spymaster and the high lord. Waters were retrieved after the fun was officially over.

Now you lay with your mates sated and unspeakably happy.

Your inner musings have Rhysand smiling. He turns your face toward him using but his fingers on your chin. "We live to make you happy." Rhysand languidly kisses you, enjoying the flavor upon your lips. A combination of everyone's juices. They would help you get to the bath. Eventually.

"I'm taking it the princess was satisfied?" Cheekily grinned Cassian.

You laugh though it costs your body to wince in slight discomfort. "Yes. If you didn't notice, I quite enjoyed myself."

Azriel nuzzles his nose along the length of your neck. Mentally you make a note that you'd have to visit the dressmaker so that they could alter your gowns to make them cover your neck and chest. Without context, many would assume the red marks all over your body was a sign of disease. Showing up to a professional meeting with hickeys all over your body wouldn't bode well either.

"Lets try double penetration next time!" Chimes Cassian.

Mother be good, these boys were certainly going to be the death of you.

@enchantingcupcakecollectionfan @a-courtof-azriel

[lizzy06]

Atsumu Miya x Reader Fic Recs!!

(Tumblr/AO3/Wattpad)

Haikyuu! Fic Rec Masterlist

Inarizaki Fic Rec Masterlist

A Debt Repaid✨ by matchumu (oneshot, sibling love)"Just keep the money." Atsumu repeats. "Don't think of it as a charity. Just think of it as a debt repaid."It was Miya Atsumu who bought the first Onigiri Miya store. [COMPLETED]

a world without you by my side by farozaan (oneshot, happy ending, waking up in alternate au, time travel) He wanted just a single day without his brother all around him. That would be paradise. Miya Osamu makes a wish and regrets it. [COMPLETED]

shrimply in love ✨ by @caelivir (oneshot, fluff) atsumu wholeheartedly prayed that you forgot how you first met, and for a while he believed that you did. that is until he finds the literal token from that day.[COMPLETED]

MSBY! Soulmate x Reader by @watevermelon (oneshot, fluff, slight angst to fluff, mutual pinning)You knew all about his personality, whether through the rumor vine or the numerous warnings your friends gave you. But there was no avoiding it - he was your soulmate after all .[COMPLETED]

The Boy Next door by @quirrrky (neighbors, humor, enemies to lovers, fake dating, friends to lovers) Your new neighbor is everything you’ll never ask for. Your life starts changing for better and for worse when Miya Atsumu rents the apartment next to you. The most unfortunate part? Everything about him. With his annoying good looks and equally irritating charm, how can you not resist the boy next door? [HIATUS??] <this is a lovely fic but has not been updated in a while, but I am still putting it up here !!>

In Screaming Color✨ by moonmayhem (oneshot, soulmate au, fluff)A soulmate AU where, if you dye your hair, your soulmate's hair changes as well. [COMPLETED]

an epilogue of sorts by mooshys (oneshot, fluff, humor)Atsumu wants to prove that he definitely knows his way around the kitchen by opting to cook dinner for you to celebrate your one year anniversary together. Thing is, he needs a little help if he wants to impress you tonight.[COMPLETED]

Shower Friends ✨✨by just_j(fake dating, enemies to lovers, fluff, angst)The dorm you live in has co-ed bathrooms. Why that’s even remotely a good idea is beyond you; and recently, your precious shower time is being interrupted by a certain blonde haired setter for the volleyball team. And when he lies to his teammates that he has a girlfriend, somehow you get roped into his scheme to convince them he does. [COMPLETED]

A Genius mess by @mimi-cee-hq (oneshot, fluff)Atsumu insults you, the quietest girl in his class. But as he gets to know you, your few words often leave him blushing.[COMPLETED]

(un)loving miya atsumu✨✨ by alicemitch09(angst, Unrequited love, Jealousy, Happy ending)You were 9 when you first met the Miya twins when you moved to Hyogo. The two boys would eventually turn to be your closest friends, as much as rascals the two can be. you loved one twin more than the other - a love that was more than friendship. Sadly, Atsumu obviously loved your big sister more. Of course he did, she was everything you were not.[COMPLETED]

incomplete song ✓✨ | angst, post break up | one shot | by @tooruluv

Hecklin' ✨by Airomi (fluff, humor) according to your experience, bothering someone so much that they fall in love. [COMPLETED]

Call You Mine [Miya Atsumu X Reader] by tsumusamu(friends to lovers, fluff, angst, mutual pinning)Being in unrequited love with your best friend sucks. It's even worse when the friend you're in love with is Miya Atsumu. [ONGOING]

That's My Girl by wttcsms(oneshot, smut) Atsumu Miya gets jealous.[COMPLETED]

Jealous atsumu ✨ by @etherrreal (oneshot, fluff, comfort)atsumu swears he’s not the jealous type, until the pictures you post with his brother prove him wrong.[COMPLETED]

little changes ✨by kuroopaisen (enemies to friend to lovers, past roommates )Miya Atsumu is the bane of your existence. but, that means different things at different times of your life.[COMPLETED]

Mind Boggling Pt 1, Pt 2✨ by @seokiloquy (soulmate au, fluff, humor)At particular times (Once a year/ certain age/ hours/ or randomly) soulmates swap bodies for some time.[COMPLETED]

“These Words”  by @myhaikyuuthings (oneshot, soulmate au, angst)soulmate au your soulmates last words ever said are on your body, they turn red when said, first words ever said to you are on another part of your body, they turn gold when said.[COMPLETED]

with our fates tangled together by @chunhua (oneshot, angst to fluff) soulmates are bound together by a red string.[COMPLETED]

Unexpectedly yours by @love-nishinoya-yu (Soulmate au, oneshot) You have the same tattoos.[COMPLETED]

nice receive✨   by @tsumusamu (oneshot, fluu, humor) eight months into your relationship, atsumu takes you to meet his family. things don’t go as planned, but of course, everything ends up alright in the end anyway. alternatively, miya atsumu adores you and his family thinks it’s easy to see why.[COMPLETED]

I’m Here, So Sleep by @dokifluffs (oneshot, fluff, comfort) Warnings: anxiety towards school and life, overthinking, insomnia. [COMPLETED]

Set the Bar High by BeansNCornbread(enemies to lovers, fluff, smut, angst)A college AU where you work at an off campus bar and when Atsumu finds this out, he never leaves you alone. Classic enemies to lovers storyline with serendipity, snide comments, and a whole lot of sexual tension.[COMPLETED]

you're not the one✨ ✨ by heartcondemned (fake dating, strangers to lovers, fluff and angst) How to make your lifelong crush jealous and like you back? Easy.Fake date one of his friends. [COMPLETED]

So...What do Ya say? by @yourstarvic After finding your fiancé you have been with many years cheating on your best friend. You tried to confront them but they never showed up…So what do you do? You drink at the bar trying to figure out what to do. And who else there to help you if not the good looking stranger you met at the bar? [COMPLETED]

Email Me Why✨ by @yourstarvic(oneshot, fluff, humor)Atsumu needs to come up with the perfect email to go on a date with his captain's little sister. [COMPLETED]

You okay? by @yourstarvic (oneshot, angst) It's your wedding day, atsumu is sad. [COMPLETED]

lazy texter by myhugelove (fluff, humor, online friends to lovers) a short fic in which a schoolmate who is not on his phone much suddenly becomes great at texting when it comes to you. [COMPLETED]

you found me✨ by Amy_stark117(fluff, angst, eventual smut)Miya Atsumu had his life goals set - volleyball, fame, and success. Nothing could stand in his way. You threw all that out the window, simply by sitting next to him in class. [COMPLETED]

7 Reasons by Channelei(mutual pinning, fluff, humor)in which you realize why you fell in love with your hot headed, over-confident, cocky, arrogant asshole of a best friend.[COMPLETED]

then the moment came by @justauthoring (oneshot, soulmate au, loosely based of silent voice) It just never was the right time. Not then, not later, until it suddenly is and everything’s… different.[COMPLETED]

Diligence ✨by kaientai (friends to lovers, childhood friends, requited unrequited love) Diligence requires the courage of a fool who wouldn't think twice before walking into an open flame, and in the span of a few months, your childhood friend Atsumu proved that he truly is one of the biggest fools to date. [COMPLETED]

Forget me,too ✨ by @saintobio (oneshot, angst, hurt/comfort, past lovers) after a series of broken promises and unresolved arguments, perhaps all atsumu needed is to hear you say good bye for one last time.[COMPLETED]

sweetner ✨ by flying_raijin(fake dating, fluff, angst, humor)you're just being petty. Faking a relationship with the first guy in sight after the love of your life dumps you out of nowhere? [COMPLETED]

How He Shows You Affection by @jayeray-hq(oneshot, fluff)[COMPLETED]

He’s My Best Friend by @jayeray-hq(oneshot, fluff)[COMPLETED]

White noise ✨ by 1keshi(childhood friends, friends to lovers, slowburn, fluff, angst) you force a therapist to listen to the story of how you fell in love with your childhood friend, because what else are you supposed to do? [COMPLETED]

A Bit Yours ✨by Declaraso (fake dating, enemies to lovers, humor) Atsumu's clumsy with words. You think he's a jerk. But for some reason, you both agreed to go through such a stupid plan.[COMPLETED]

The Breaking Point✨ by melremade(smut, oneshot)They say there’s a thin line between love and hate. When it comes to Miya Atsumu, it might as well be a brick wall topped with barbed wire and surrounded by a minefield. [COMPLETED]

Perfect Union by wttcsms(oneshot, fluff, smut, friends to lovers)[COMPLETED]

Laws of Motion by miyachondria (friends to lovers, slowburn)First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage -- according to every other person.[ONGOING]

(1) One Missed Call by satorini (teetorini)(smut)You work for an anonymous phone sex business on campus, and you would have never guessed that your first client would be the Atsumu Miya—most popular guy on campus who sits three seats ahead of you in calculus. And you're pretty sure he doesn't even know you exist. [ONGOING]

One Day by flying_raijin()When you get asked by Vogue Japan to be the star of their "Day in the life of a Pro Volleyball player" video, you agree because you don't think there's much that could go wrong. Unfortunately, your boyfriend is an absolute menace, and decides to act as such for the whole world to see.[COMPLETED]

FWB by flying_siphonophore(fluff, smut, angst, mutual pinning)What comes after a kiss that shouldn't have happened in the first place?[COMPLETED]

lovestruck, watching over you by strawberricream(fluff, mutual pinning)in your second year of high school, you catch atsumu’s eye. he tries to get to know you when he realizes that it didn’t take much work to open you up. in your third year together in the same class, he realizes that the hard work came from elsewhere.[COMPLETED]

Storm Chaser by sunmoonstarsrain()Being with Miya Atsumu is like chasing a storm - equal parts exhilaration and danger. After all, it's impossible to tame a storm.[COMPLETED]

A Second Chance by Gremlin_Lord (Unplanned pregnancy, angst, fluff) Atsumu broke up with you 3 years ago. But fate had other plans and decided to reunite the two together with your kid along. [ONGOING]

[starglow-xx]

star's blue lock fic recs!

below the links are my own personal notes with a short plot blurb! a heart means it’s one of my personal faves! (but actually i just love all these fics so, so much)

im a heavy isagi simp so rn it's basically all him oops but i'll eventually add my fave fics for other characters too hehe

want more fic recs? see fic rec master list post here! all fic masterlists will be updated randomly!

✧.* Challenge Accepted : ̗̀➛ ao3 link

ᰔᩚ isagi yoichi you are a star

ᰔᩚ in which isagi is used as a chess piece for the jfa for more money and views by placing him in an exhibition match against ichinan high school with a certain someone taking his old spot as forward.

OR in which isagi yoichi proves he isn't just a lucky shot

ᰔᩚ status: complete! 3 chapters & 17,021 words

💗 More Than A Memory : ̗̀➛ ao3 link

ᰔᩚ sobbing over little isagi he's the cutest thing i just wanna pinch his little cheeks :(

ᰔᩚ isagi gets to meet his idol noel noa on his birthday and everything comes full circle 10 years later

ᰔᩚ bonus! the blue lock boys find out it's isagi birthday and chaos breaks loose as isagi and noel noa have a heart to heart

ᰔᩚ status: complete! one shot with 7,107 words

✧.* A Reason to Celebrate : ̗̀➛ ao3 link

ᰔᩚ isagi yoichi you are so, so loved & deserve nothing but the best

ᰔᩚ in which ego lets everyone know it's their favorite striker's birthday

ᰔᩚ status: complete! one shot with 6,371 words

💗 That's My Ego : ̗̀➛ ao3 link

ᰔᩚ AKSSVNSL i adore this fic sm, they're so cute i cannot

ᰔᩚ blue lock with a fem! isagi! some others are gender bent too but see fic for more hehe

ᰔᩚ sports with shoujo! follows the blue lock plot but has hints of romance as a side (?) plot mwah mwah

ᰔᩚ status: incomplete ; last updated april 19, 2023 ; 16 chapters & 85,024 words

💗💗💗 Butterfly Flutterby : ̗̀➛ ao3 link (but can also be found on quotev!)

ᰔᩚ this fic has my heart 10/10, i always reread ; i will never not recommend this fic, it’s honestly one of my faves of all time ; still patiently waiting for the next update :((

ᰔᩚ fem reader insert! the interactions with the blue lock boys are always so cute and so is mc i wanna squish her (our??) cheeks (author refers to her as rea-chan in the notes so sometimes i read it as an oc fic teehee)

ᰔᩚ mc gets chosen to be a manager for the blue lock program, competing alongside other managers facing risk of elimination like the boys

ᰔᩚ slight hints of romance/possible pairings but very minimal ; focus for now is being friends/a good manager

ᰔᩚ status: incomplete ; last updated march 19, 2023 ; 12 chapters & 64,042 words

ISAGI YOICHI

✧.* Hometown Hero : ̗̀➛ ao3 link

ᰔᩚ need more fics abt reuniting with isagi post blue lock bc man the angst potential is great :(

ᰔᩚ fem! reader where mc and isagi, her childhood friend, reunite but he's a bit different than how she remembered him

ᰔᩚ some angst but has a happy ending!

ᰔᩚ status: complete! one shot with 2,862 words

✧.* Fake It 'til We Make It : ̗̀➛ ao3 link

ᰔᩚ fake dating! do i need to say more

ᰔᩚ no pronouns! gender neutral reader!

ᰔᩚ a bit of angst but happy ending! :D

ᰔᩚ status: complete! one shot with 3,270 words

💗💗 if i had a choice : ̗̀➛ tumblr link

ᰔᩚ crying bc i want isagi to want me too :((

ᰔᩚ post u-20 match! fem! reader reuniting with isagi having already accepted soccer takes priority in his life right now

ᰔᩚ angst with a happy ending!

ᰔᩚ status: complete! one shot

💗 happily always after : ̗̀➛ tumblr link

ᰔᩚ ASDSVN i wanna marry isagi :(

ᰔᩚ a misunderstanding regarding a proposal causes you to distance yourself a little

ᰔᩚ hurt/comfort with a happy ending!

ᰔᩚ status: complete! one shot

💗💗 home visits : ̗̀➛ tumblr link

ᰔᩚ he's literally so sweet im going to die, isagi marry me pls :((

ᰔᩚ where you visit isagi's parents at his house and seeing some baby photos make you think of the future

ᰔᩚ fluffy fluff fluff, you'll get a tooth ache

ᰔᩚ status: complete! one shot

💗💗 as close as strangers : ̗̀➛ tumblr link

ᰔᩚ ASNVLS oh to have a meet cute with isagi yoichi :(

ᰔᩚ you go with you sister to a bar to meet her newest boy toy but end up getting rescued by a stranger when you get some unwanted attention

ᰔᩚ fluff fluff isagi yoichi pls marry me

ᰔᩚ status: complete! one shot with 1.4k words

[waltzingwithyourenemyattheball]

PICK A CARD: HOW WILL YOU MEET YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE?

Top Left: 111 ; Top Right: 222; Bottom: 333

Disclaimer:

Take what resonates and leave the rest.

The disclaimer in pinned post applies here too.

No one is allowed to copy my work under any circumstances.

DM for personal readings.

🥀111🥀

You could meet your partner through a woman, (be it a mother, friend) an expressive and creative woman. She could be a  neighbour, married women or someone who has light within them and the ability to spread light, a woman in love with life, could paint or do arts and crafts, could like sewing too. You guys could meet in some class/workshop you both are taking. One of you may not want to be here. You could meet at an art exhibition, museums, while shopping etc. Another possible location is at the park, where you run or jog. Either or both of you are into fitness, if not you will be at the time you meet them and will be taking care of yourself. Definitely at a public place, could be party where they are your friend’s friends, there is dancing, food and things fun, people will be taking among themselves. Happy positive energy, one of you likes to talk. Yes, I am seeing you’ll meet them when you are satisfied and fulfilled with how your life is going, could be 9 months from now. You could also meet them in march or May next year. You are confident, vibing, and they will show up suddenly when you least expect it. First meeting, they’ll notice you for a while before approaching you, they come across flirty, graceful, and put their best foot forward. Definitely a pleasant meeting. The meeting could end up being open-ended, like you may not have set a time to meet again, no one’s asked anyone out on a date, simply exchanged numbers/social media’s. You two might also end up going at the same bakery and meet again. They do have an offer for you but it will take some time before things become official. Don’t be disheartened, this is your future spouse so you guys definitely do end up together. 

Comment ‘111’ to claim.

🌸222🌸

In class, a learning institution, could have meet in school, colleges, coaching centres, any hobby classes you take etc, but you are definitely here to learn and practice. These could be online workshops/certificate classes as well. It took you blood sweat and tears to pay for this course, it is something you have wanted to do for a long time, you know you are good, naturally talented. I am getting Annabeth from Percy Jackson, those vibes. You could meet at a martial arts academy, or even the gym. He is the new guy. Again, someone struggled to get where they are today(at the point you meet them). I am getting the same messages again, learning centre, through teachers too. You might be in the same group/team for projects, paired up together every time. You both will learn together, grow together. You will learn giving people benefit of the doubt, and becoming soft, not always having your guard up. You will be passionate about what you are doing, love is not even on your mind and you’d rather just focus on something else but it will creep up on you slowly, like the sea touches the shore take a step back before merging again, during the course of time the lines will get blurry, from I had dinner with them because practice ran late to ‘Hey, you want to get dinner together?’ With no compulsion of any situation. Slowly you will reach out to them, it will morph into a friendship with a small crush to your partner for life, it’s a slow burn but it’s worth it. 

Comment ‘222’ to claim.

🌻333🌻

It will take a way for your union. Right now you need to develop into your authentic self, become more of yourself and express that. You feel unfulfilled and incomplete, you think finding a partner will solve all things, some of you are up and down the curve, on one day you literally can’t live without your soulmate and are dying for them to magically appear in your life to who cares? I just want to focus on me, my career, and money. There is  loneliness in your heart. I hear that your future spouse is not currently decided which is a good thing, the more you evolve, the more evolved person you will attract as your future spouse. You could meet them during grocery shopping, buy plants, getting your salary, when you are living the life you want to life like in an apartment with many plants, some art, mainly white with pops of color all around. I am seeing Europe for some of you. You could meet them after a life changing decision you took, it could be pack up your bags and move across the world. You will not be staying where you are right now that’s for sure. You are taking a chance on life and loving it. After this everything will start to get better, feel better. You are buying flowers for no reason and getting your chai/coffee, dressing up everyday. Everything is so colourful suddenly, that’s when you meet them. This is a new person, no toxic exes here. You literally are living your best life, laughing, hanging out with friends, genuine happiness, good bed time, someone who can’t wait to wake up to their new life, that is when you’ll know your future spouse is ready to come into your life and they ARE MATCHING YOUR ENERGY.  

Comment ‘333’ to claim.

-

EL TAROT

[stars-in-a-jam-jar]

Moar Buddy Dawn Shit in relation to this post

Buddy was dead for about 10 to 15-maybe-20 minutes. Kristen and Gorgug at the top of Freshman Year were only dead about 3 to 5 minutes and they still got some form of time in the afterlife, (side note: Gorgug not knowing what Orc Heaven looks like and being Deeply Fucking Terrified and shellshocked by the entire experience is So Juicy To Me, like. Something that should by all rights be familiar to him being foreign. Of deep spiritual significance, but not in the way it was 'supposed to be'; he didn't even know how it was 'supposed to be' at the time or after he learned it, he's still not really sure if it was ever a 'supposed to'.) so I'm quite sure Buddy experienced Something beyond the grave and chose to leave it for this nameless aspect of Ankarna. The version of her which exists as a result of her complete death and incomplete resurrection/preservation.

In that 10 to 15 minutes, Buddy passed into the place he was going. Perhaps some cornfield out on the edge of Helio's domain where Helio figured 'I'll get to him or he'll find me sometime, there's literally infinite time here'. Perhaps as a petitioner on the Astral Sea- wait, no, I'm thinking about Rolling With Difficulty cosmology, the Astral Realm is not a sea in Fantasy High. (also go listen to Rolling With Difficulty) Regardless of if he went to the afterlife the adults all told him he'd go to if he'd been a good boy or to some more limbo-like place, he had just enough minutes for the reality to sink in that he's Dead. He's dead and the feeling of a hand gripping his shoulder as if to hoist his assailant high enough to slit his throat presses like a cold weight on his skin. As if this body has skin, no, he's just a solid soul given form in this place.

So jarring. Resting dead in some corner of the cosmos like finding the one empty room at a big loud party where you've mostly been taking things in, sticking close to people you know, not doing anything you're not supposed to. Sitting down on the unfamiliar furniture or swaying idly in place as you listen to the murmur of this foreign world around you. Only it's not like that, not truly at all. You're not at the party anymore, the echoes of your life aren't some thing you're taking a break from to rejoin or building up the nerve to excuse yourself from to get a proper change of scene. There is no going back or moving forward.

He's dead. Buddy Dawn is dead.

How many minutes did it take him to lose composure? Did he even? When the ultimatum was posed to him, did he harden his heart to any regrets about abandoning his original faith, or did he relax into knowing he could live again, in service of something that reached for him and he reached back towards?

Why was he so chipper saying 'Dang, y'all, I worship a nameless god of rage.'? He didn't sound horrified by his decision in much the same way he didn't sound in touch with reality when he said 'Sometimes I raise my hand and magic that burns folks to a crisp comes out, but that's just the lord Helio working through me.' His death didn't change him so much as it fixed his gaze onto something new.

He is still a Cleric. Through and through. His soul needs a divinity to latch onto. And this is the first time he has latched onto a divinity wholly and completely for himself. He was not taught how to live for himself. He was taught how to live and die for a cause. For Helio. He earns a nice afterlife via sacrificing his autonomy to whatever the church tells him is good and right.

But he doesn't want a nice afterlife.

He wants another life.

And he no longer has faith that Helio will deliver him from any hardship, because even after he's just barely grasped how dead he is and has been for the past 11 minutes, his soul is wrent into an ultimatum by a different power. Go back to his body and continue living under a new banner, or be trapped in a dark, solitary purgatory which his soul may never be free from.

It's an easy decision, really. Barely requires any thought, only following a feeling. He no longer wants to stand by the god who allowed him to die so unceremoniously and so unfairly. He honestly feels more betrayed by Helio than he does by Kipperlily. Kipperlily hardly made any promises to him, just asked for him to be the party's cleric. He never expected her to do that, sure, but... His whole life he was promised that every bad emotion he ever felt in response to every wrongness in his life would (should, must, has to) simply evaporate away in the golden light of the corn god. And it's been an eternal 12 minutes, but he only feels worse and worse.

And if all Helio could promise him was a flat expanse of farmland overseen by someone who didn't even properly greet him when he walked in (if the celestial bureaucracy were even doing their jobs and funneled the soul of Helio's cleric to Helio instead of some cosmic waiting room or other), but this nameless deity can promise him a life for himself? Then by god he's taking that ultimatum, come back to life, sit up with a slightly surprised little smile and announce to the world (as he has been taught is right to do when you are devoted to a god) 'I worship a nameless god of rage!'

And he'll be happy with this choice-that-is-not-a-choice which he was betrayed and coerced into. Because it truly feels self indulgent to choose anything. To choose ragefully living for himself instead of obediently dying for an unfulfilling promise. He'll choose the intensity and the darkness because the gentle constant pressure cooker of walking in the light gave him nothing but sunburns and a slit throat.

[thirdsaltyhunter]

Crawl Home to Her

Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean thinks back on the times he died but found his way home to kiss you

Warning: mentions of death and dying, drinking, talk of alcoholism, cursing, kissing, angst, Dean self hate, takes place in season 10 so spoilers.

A/N: This is inspired by Work Song by Hozier and written in Dean's POV with lyrics acting as Dean's thoughts, lyrics in italics. NOT PROOFREAD ALL MISTAKES ARE MY OWN

Dean's POV

I don't want to get out of bed. I couldn't have woken up more than three minutes ago, but I'm so tired. Though that's been a pretty consistent occurrence for most of my life. I'd have a hard time remembering the last time I woke up feeling rested, and to make it worse, these past few months- few years, have been grueling. Hell, in the past few months I inherited the Mark of Cain, died and came back as a demon; I don't know how much more I can take. I want this to be over, but it's not, it's never over. The Mark still on my arm is a reminder of that. I'm glad I have Y/N, I don't think I could go through all of this alone. She's still with me even after everything. She makes it all worth it.

Boys workin' on empty

Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat?

I just think about my baby

I'm so full of love I could barely eat

As if she could hear me thinking about her she emerged through our bedroom door with a smile that always seems to melt away my worries and two mugs of coffee in hand. That explains why she wasn't lying next to me when I woke up. I release the breath I've been unconsciously holding since waking to find her not beside me. "Good morning my love" she says softly, handing me one of the mugs and sitting next to me on the bed. "Mornin' sweetheart". She cups my face and kisses me, soft and sweet. I kiss her back, with a wanting for something I don't deserve.

There's nothing sweeter than my baby

I'd never want once front he cherry tree

'Cause my baby's sweet as can be.

She give me toothaches just from kissin' me

It's still hard believing that all this is real. I was supposed to be dead. I did die. Yet here I am, waking up another morning, another morning with her. I remember hearing her when I was fading from the stab wound. I heard her begging me to stay with her and it made me fight. Evidently I wasn't strong enough to win the initial struggle against death, but I made it out alive and came home to her. Despite how ugly the road back was.

When my time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her

I think back to before we were together, back to when I came back after getting dragged to Hell. I wanted to shut everyone out, even her, and bury myself in a new grave of alcohol and guilt. Sam and Bobby had tried to get me to open up, tried to get me to talk about the literal Hell I had been through, Y/N never did. She somehow always knew when to push and when I needed to be left alone. So many nights I stayed awake, unable to sleep through the waves of guilt. Guilt over what I did in Hell, what I put Sam, Y/N and Bobby through, guilt for leaving them. My mind was so loud these nights, I drank until I blacked out. It was after one of these nights that I had woken up with a killer hangover in the bedroom that she usually slept in at Bobby's. Incomplete glimpses from the night before flashed through my head. Remembering how Y/N had found me in my drunken stupor and hauled me up from my seat at the kitchen table. How she managed to get me up the stairs and into bed by herself is beyond me, but I've learned over the years of knowing her, to not underestimate what she's capable of.

Boys, when my baby found me

I was three days on a drunken sin

I woke with her walls around me

Nothin' in her room but an empty crib

I had drug myself out of bed and wandered downstairs, unconsciously searching for her. I found her curled up asleep on the worn out sofa in the library. A new wave of guilt washed over me. I hadn't even pulled my head out of my ass long enough to ask her how she was, and now she had gone out of her way, given up her bed, so I could be comfortable. I didn't deserve her. That's why I kept my feelings for her to myself for so many years. I moved past her to the kitchen quietly, as to not wake her. I wanted to have a pot of coffee ready for her when she woke up, it was the least I could do. I was going to bring her a cup but she heard me moving around in the kitchen before the pot was even done brewing. "Hey" I saw her rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, her hair disheveled. My heart swelled at how cute I thought she was when she was like this, though I would never tell her that. Not only because I thought it might ruin our friendship, but also because she would probably stab me for calling her cute. "Hey" she responded, voice still thick with sleep. "You want a cup of coffee? ", I asked as I poured a cup for her, already knowing what her answer would be. "Please", she said with a tired smile. That morning over coffee I had told her some of what I went through in Hell, that I had broken and tortured souls. She listened, without judgment, without fear and without asking questions I didn't feel like answering at the moment. The fact the she didn't push me made me comfortable to tell her everything.

And I was burnin' up a fever

I didn't care much how long I live

But I swear I thought I dreamed her

She never asked me once about the wrong I did

And now almost 6 years later, I'm still doing the same thing. I put her through all that again. I made a stupid decision that got me dead but I made it back, only to try and shut her out. But now that we're together I know she's not going to let me do that and I'm too tired and I love her too much to fight her, even though everything in me is telling me to stay away from her. I don't know how she can even look at me let alone still be with me. I tried to kill her and Sam when I was a demon and there's more terrible things I did that she doesn't even know about, though I'm pretty sure she knows and isn't telling me. After her and Sam cured me, I tried to keep her at arms distance, tried to tell her the list of reasons why she shouldn't want me anymore. How could anyone forgive me after everything I did. But she took me into her arms and kept telling me it wasn't really me, that her and Sam still love me and all that matters is that she has me back.

My baby never fret none

About what my hands and my body done

If the Lord dont forgive me

I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me

She spent all of last night kissing away my pain. I want to take away her pain too. I set my coffee on the nightstand and reach over to take her cup too, setting it beside mine. "What'cha doin'" she looked confused until I turned back, grabbing her and pulling her to lay with me. "Fixing it", I whispered, knowing it wasn't an answer that made sense, but I was going to kiss her until it fixed her broken heart. I moved to hover over her and just looked at her, holding her face in my hands. Even in the low light of the early morning, she's still breathtakingly gorgeous. She pulls me down to kiss her and I get the feeling she knows what I'm trying to do. I pour everything I'm feeling into kissing her, how sorry I am for leaving her, for all the heartache it caused her. I don't think I'll ever erase from my mind, the sound of her crying as I was dying. The memory has me blinking back tears. I turn to hide my face in her neck and trail kisses along her shoulder. Her arms wrap around my back and I can't help but melt into her, breathing in the scent of her perfume. The weight is off my shoulders for once, I can breathe easier, and nothing matters outside of us.

When I was kissing on my baby

And she put her love down soft and sweet

In the low lamplight I was free

Heaven and Hell were words to me

It's moments like these that make me fight so hard. Fight to be better, do better. Fight for her and fight to stay with her. I roll over onto my back, pulling her with me to lay her head on my chest. "I promise that no matter what happens I'll alway find a way back to you". It was a promise I was making to myself as much as it was to her, and I intended to keep it.

When my time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her

[being-addie]

Habits I've successfully developed since my first post🤍

If you've been here since the beginning, you'll know of my first and most popular post where I discuss developing certain habits to improve my life.

Here it is: https://www.tumblr.com/being-addie/714114582776610816/healthy-habits-im-developing-for-2023?source=share

So far, I've managed to do a lot and I'm so proud of myself. If you did some of them too, I'm really proud of you <3. It's difficult but we did it!

Here's what I managed to accomplish:

⭐Got my sleep schedule right: I FINALLY am sleeping 7-8 hours a night and it's so much better because I wake up at 5:30 am every morning and I'm more alert these days.

⭐Working out: Started going to the gym 5 days a week. I'm also looking into some hip-hop classes in the evenings.

⭐Water: I've tried drinking more water, and it's certainly working. I'm not perfect, but we're getting there!

⭐Digital detoxing: I did it. I successfully deleted social media and I'm so freaking proud of myself. It's 100% not easy and while I do get the occasional bursts of jealousy and FOMO, I'm getting better <3

⭐Creative work: I've started to learn how to crochet, and I'm planning on starting knitting soon. I also want to begin making my own jewellery (possibly try my hand at making clothes as well)

⭐Portfolio: I've begun work on my portfolio and I'm really excited with all the ideas I'm getting.

⭐Clean room: My room is so much cleaner now that I'm tidying up on a regular basis.

⭐Friendships: Currently in a really great place with two separate friend groups who value me, and I'm really grateful to past me for cutting out people I thought were my "friends".

Of course, I'm not perfect, I will be struggling with some things. I did particularly have problems with some of these:

💛My to-do list: More often than not, my to-do list lies incomplete because I just don't want to do it lol. Discipline is key, and I'm working on it.

💛Food: I've had to go out so much, and I've been consuming less-than-ideal healthy food. It's been difficult because I'm out so many hours due to classes that I literally need to buy those sugary protein bars to eat. 10 hours a day of nonstop commuting, sitting for 2-hour classes is no joke. We've also had a ton of birthdays and outings so I'm trying not to give into temptation and buy a bag of chips on a whim.

💛Self-care: I was so busy, I burned out, oof. I overworked myself to the point of a mental breakdown, and I'm still so busy, I'm finding it difficult to set aside time to even do my Everything Shower. I'm going to try and cut my day into manageable chunks so I can decompress.

Learning myself over the last few months has been interesting, to say the least. Paying attention to your mind and body's cues allows you to be more aware of what you're doing and WHY. Here's your sign to start implementing habits you've been sleeping on.

Don't wait, just start. xoxo

<3

[yuurei20]

Hello, hello! First of all, happy holidays! And a huge big major thank you for all your posts. Your translations and info compilations are not just really interesting but also literal life savers, as a fanfic writer. I appreciate them a lot 💜

Recently I've started keeping the Japanese honorifics in my fics because it's just as you said in one of your posts: they're great ways to show relationship progression without needing many words and also speaks tons about the characters and their relationships. The one issue I'm finding, though, is actually finding the right ones. Aside from Rook and Floyd, there aren't many good lists out there. The appellations pages in the wiki are severely incomplete for most characters. So I was wondering if you'd have any good resource to point to on that? Or if you'd be willing to make a list of them?

Thanks for the attention in advance 💞

Hello hello!! Thank you so much for this question, and I am so glad to hear that these little collections of screenshots can be helpful sometimes! ♡ You are too kind!

I have made the list! :> It is very much a lot of information and I am not sure how to share it without spamming 22 posts at once, so I think I will try gradually posting it to this blog and then compile into a reference post separated by dorm, which will then culminate into a master list of everything--I hope this will be okay!

Starting with Riddle:

Riddle does not use any honorifics with Trey, Cater, Ace or Deuce.

Riddle also does not use any honorifics with any of the first-year or second-year students.

Riddle uses the "-senpai" honorific with the third-year students.

Exception: Riddle typically uses "-senpai" with Leona, with the (thus far) one-time exception during Book 2 where he dropped the honorific from Leona's name in the panic leading up to Leona's overblot.

・Trey and Honorifics ・Cater and Honorifics ・Ace and Honorifics ・Deuce and Honorifics

[dduane]

Diane, I am wondering something about writing and you are very wise and very kind.

For context, I've been seeing a therapist for a few months and just saw a psychiatrist Sunday night and they both used the phrase "dissociative daydreaming". It started when I was about 13 and I'm 28 now and it is getting in the way of my life. I'll be having a one-on-one conversation with someone alone in a quiet room and completely miss a few seconds of what they say, and I zone out a lot when eating at restaurants and it creeps people out. The psychiatrist says we are going to work on getting this under control in the next couple months.

The thing is, I like writing fiction and I do a lot of my imagining while I'm in this "zoned out" state. You know, that being a major part of dissociative daydreaming. So I'm wondering, sorry for assuming (assuming makes an ass out of you and me), but if you do not also dissociative daydream, or any other fiction writers here do, how do you think about your stories? Do you just sit down at your desk and say to yourself "I shall write a story now" without leaving your unoccupied body staring at a wall?

First of all: my apologies for having taken so long to get to this... my ask box is so piled up with overdue stuff right now. (sigh) And thanks for the nice words. I don't know about the "wise", and sometimes I screw up the "kind", but I do what I can with what I've got.

Anyway, re: "Do you just sit down at your desk and say to yourself 'I shall write a story now' without leaving your unoccupied body staring at a wall?"

...Yeah, pretty much. Here's how the story-building process usually goes for me.

First I outline. (As detailed here.) The outlining is for me the equivalent of drawing a blueprint, or doing the measure-twice work that comes before taking a saw to the materials you're going to use to build a bookshelf. For this part of the process, as I assemble the underlying framework of the story, I've found it vital to be as completely present, alert and aware as possible. This is where the order of physical action gets laid out, errors of reasoning get caught, blind alleys get erased from the blueprint, useless character transactions get identified and thrown away, and hunches / incomplete ideas get incorporated.

While assembling the outline, if I find my concentration drifting or somehow compromised, I stop work as quickly as possible and put it aside until I can find time to deal with it when I won't be distracted by other stuff. Much experience has taught me that if I get sloppy about this, I may well wind up being really annoyed about it later on... secondary to having missed something vital about character interactions, or screwed up some important sequence of physical action. The writing time lost in fixing careless errors of this kind infuriates me... so I take my time with the outlining.

It's after the framework of the story is in place that the vaguing-out stages of both writing and thinking about the writing come into play. Over many years I've found that the shower, in the morning, is one of the best places for this. Usually when I'm in active writing mode on a project, the first thing I'll do after waking up (while still in bed) will be to look over the writing done the previous day, and—if there's need—check the outline to see what I was planning to do next. Then I hit the showers.

That's where the ideas really start to flow while I'm unfocused: scene descriptions and action sequences in particular. I don't know what it is, but running water really seems to do it for me. (One time I was up at this place for a writing trip, and plotted about six novels one after the other, over a week. Those tubes in the picture dump a liter of hot water per second onto your head. Very, very effective for me.)

...I'm also absolutely horrified to have to admit that one of the very best places for me to be in order to have dialogue arrive is at the kitchen sink, doing dishes. Possibly because there are few other situations in my day to day life where I more desperately want to have my mind be somewhere else. Anywhere else. (But also: running water again...)

In between these two modes of composition lies a hybrid "full-spectrum" writing mode in which I can switch pretty much seamlessly from total immersion in the scene presently unfolding to a more analytical examination of what's going on: a constant realtime adjustment of format issues, timing, pacing, and a lot of other things. When in this mode I can vague out when necessary, inventing new stuff as needed or refining material that was already there, and then snap back into the mode where I'm keeping an eye on paragraph lengths or whether there are too many em-dashes popping up. :)

...Anyway, that''s how it goes for me. The usual caveat applies here: other people's (entirely successful!) processes will not necessarily look anything like this. ...Meanwhile, I absolutely wish you good results in your upcoming brainwork, and the better management of your own process.

[watanabes-cum-dump]

Kou's AO3 ffxiv fic rec list

I am so insane and I literally have only been reading FFXIV fanfics for like the past four or so months so here r some of my favorites

I will split it up into three categories: reader inserts, WoL OCs, and then yk fics with only the characters.

WARNING: I read lots of unsavory shit so please heed the tags in the links as I will not be going over those in this list.

*length of fics will be rounded to nearest thousand

Reader insert's

The Rise of Emperor Solus zos Galvus by amandaterasu

(Emet Selch x reader) Length: 25k Status: Complete (one shot) Review: You don't understand I think about this fic at least once a day oh my fucking LORD. 25k words just GONE in an instant I read this in like under an hour. Actually gigging and kicking my feet this shit bro liiiiiike the way this author writes Emet Selch... ouuuuughhh. I love it when a man is just so insane for his woman that he finds her in another life and immediately starts courting her. Honestly, this shit is just so good it reads almost like a historical drama in the best ways possible. Yeah it's romance (and smut) but it's also politics (kinda) and idk about you but those are my two favorite things. I now need a full length novel about Emet Selch's rise to emperor of Garlemald but yk what this shit is just as good. Bonus points for this author for introducing me to fanfic reading extensions to replace certain terms I will be using this from now on.

Tremble, Duck, & Weave by OwlEspresso

(Estinien, Aymeric, Haurchefant, Urianger x reader) Length: 31k Status: Incomplete Review: This inspired my current big project, Hellbound and yeah idk something about Ishgardian politics man. I'm gonna warn you right now a lot of these reader insert recs WILL be yandere/yandere-adjacent with a lot of unhealthy themes, general debauchery, and doves ranging from beaten to dead so uh... yeah. That aside, this is just a really fun time. Seeing everyone interact with the reader insert and all the different ways they show (or think about) their twisted affections... hnnnng it makes me a little insane okay. Also, shout out to pervert Haurchefant you will always be near and dear to my heart. We were ROBBED in the English translation

Captivate by samsaur

(Aymeric and Estinien x reader) Length: 41k Status: Incomplete Review: Remember what I said about doves ranging from being beaten up to dead? Well, the dove is definitely dead here, but it's rlly juicy because this shit really does feel like a horror story. I am not qualified to speak on it, but I think this is a great portrayal of Stockholm syndrome and the way it's written really puts you into the shoes of the reader insert and you kind of feel that hot and silent shame of being held captive like this. Also, one of my favorite niches of FFXIV fanfics is apparently villain Aymeric. Idk why but he is so good as a villain probably because he had every single reason to turn out one, and he would be a far more terrifying villain than Thordan. If Aymeric wasn't our ally during Heavensward, he would undoubtedly be a huge threat to us and this fic kinda takes that and dangles it over your head. Because, yes, Aymeric is holding the reader captive but he is also helping Alphinaud and Tataru out. It's this balancing act where we know Aymeric is capable of really fucked up things but he is still playing at the perfect image of our noble ally. You find yourself yelling at everyone else not to trust him because you, the reader and his captive, know that he is a piece of shit in this AU and I think it's glorious. Uhhh Estinien is there too ig. It's no fault on the author's part but I just don't really vibe with Estinien as a love interest. Though, his dynamic with Aymeric and the reader is extremely interesting to me. I can't say too much without spoiling all the fun, but I think in a way Aymeric has him trapped under this thumb too.

I'd Ask For Your Soul, But It's Already Mine by Dotharl

(Zenos x reader) Length: 29k Status: Incomplete Review: Guys it's fucking Zenos PLEASE read the tags on this one. Anyways I love my porn kjakjfjkjakhshjfjhk. Okay but genuinely I always say this, but Zenos is surprisingly genuine as a love interest because he doesn't put WoL up on a pedestal and just loves them for all of their worst bits and THAT is the appeal of enemies to lovers. This fic plays with that, especially with the reader insert being a Dark Knight WoL where Fray talks some sense into them and helps them recognize their self worth. I won't lie to you, this fic starts out with VERY fucked up Yandere fuckboy Zenos energy with all of the dubcon included, but I kinda don't care + it's just genuinely well written at times. The dynamic between WoL and Zenos is very nice here, bc yeah it starts out... like that and then it evolves into mutual respect when the reader realizes that Zenos would treat them well and not yk use them as a weapon. Albeit, it does go kind of quick but eh, it's like 4 chapters so I can't fault the author THAT much. Besides, not to diminish the fic, but it IS pretty clearly just kind of a pornfest and that is A-Okay with me! This shit was also last updated in like 2022 so I'm pretty sure it's abandoned.

Not a Champion, Just a Knight by Kei_Cordelle

(Haurchefant x reader)

Length: 23k Status: Incomplete Review: This one is in kind of a weird position because this is an AU where WoL dies at the Vault instead of Haurchefant, so there isn't exactly any HaurcheWoL action to speak of. But, WoL definitely haunts the characters' actions. Bro, when I tell you, the worst part of this fic is actually Alphinaud being very NOT OKAY bc WoL is dead. He is just a baby what the fuck do you mean he watched his friend, confidant, and hero die in front of him???? Yeah sorry I love Alphinaud a normal amount. (that is my SON) Anyways, this is written in first person which is weirdly a turn off for some people? I don't get the hate tbh, because first person just opens up so many fun opportunities! You can break the fourth wall much easier and directly address the reader, and you can also have the vibe that this is a retrospective of what the character saw. The later is definitely the vibe this fic gives. It's like, if the Heavensward memoir was written from Haurche's perspective in this AU. To me, I like to think that this fic is Haurchefant telling the tale of his greatest love and regret in writing. I feel like the action scenes could use some work but they're not terrible. It's just that they're literally one to one recounting of the Heavensward trials and it's just not the best. I think there's also the issue of the cast becoming slightly bloated so it is a bit rough to account for everyone's actions during fight sequences. I really do love this fic though because I think it's really interesting to see how everyone is unraveling. Obviously, we as the WoL take on a lot of things that are almost impossible for everyone else so to see them take on the monumental burden of the hero is very interesting. How would our companions react to certain things? Since during most trials in canon we take it on alone, how does everyone else fit in? Are they all doing the mechanics correctly? All in all, solid fic and I am holding out hope for that fated final fifth chapter since the last time it was updated was back in January and it was started back in 2022 so one day I hope that this will be complete and I get to see the final mental breakdown as the squad completes Heavensward with the legacy of WoL looming over them ✨

WoL OC Inserts

Coerthan Traitor by Cascanora (@cascanora here on Tumblr)

(Zenos x OC, a bit of typical Emet Selch and Azem reincarnation messiness) Length: 190k (GOD DAMN-) Status: Ongoing Review: The author of this fic is highkey like a celebrity to me bc I gobble up their art like it's fucking Christmas morning. Imagine being God's favorite and being blessed with the ability to draw AND WRITE??? Fucking insanity bro. Also, their OC, Crow is fine as hell like one chance ma'am pleeeeeeaaaaaseeee goddddddd- Anyways onto the actual fic, I am admittedly only on the first arc which is kind of like the childhood arc ig. But I really love it so far because I've just never seen anyone really write Zenos being kind of young and vulnerable and playful? That's a lie, I think I've read like one Zenos fluff that I'll have to dig through my AO3 history to find again (bc you'd best believe none of my bookmarks are fluffly...) so I just really like the change of pace. Zenos is obviously always put in more enemies to lovers type scenarios so I kinda like this different angle because yeah maybe he was something resembling normal at one point. Obviously he's very fucked up for a reason, but he was a kid too. He didn't always go off about biting jugulars and drinking blood or something, he got fucked up. I am so far absolutely living for a lot of the political stuff bc as I've said before, romance with a side of politics (or vice versa) is my cup of tea and nobody pulls this shit off better than fanfic authors. I'm really interested to see where the political stuff goes but it's like 2am (sheesh) as I'm writing this so I will have to delve further into this fic later. Anyways can I take a moment to talk about Crow and Zenos? Because they're so fucking cute I love themmmmm. I feel like I'm coming at this as someone who has seen a lot of Cascanora's art so I see when Crow and Zenos' relationship develop into when they're adults, so seeing the early stages of it is really cool to me. I don't quite know how to explain it? But anyways I am raving about this fic bc I think it just builds them both up so well and again, I don't see Zenos written to be playful and yk act his age the way he does around Crow. They just work together so well and while at the point of the story I'm at they're definitely just friends, I think that's the beautiful thing about friends to lovers. Regardless if it's romantic or platonic love, Zenos and Crow are a package deal. Also, Emet Selch/Solus in this fic is perfect. I LOVE my geriatric old man telling stories about his past. I would go off about how I am very captivated by the whole Galvus family dynamic but I will save that for the other fics bc this review section is already super fucking long and you had BEST BELIEVE I'm scouring the internet for Galvus family fics. I lied I will talk about this a little more because this strikes an odd chord with me as someone who wrote a lot of my own longform OC x Canon growing up. I kinda shamed myself off doing that kinda stuff as I got older, but diving into FFXIV where everyone becomes fucking Shakespear with their WoLs has made me let go of my fears of being a cringefailure and embrace the OC x Canon. To see really well written and thought out OC insert stuff is very comforting to me bc I often worry abt my own OCs being shitty and not really fitting in but fics like this assure me that hey, maybe I can make cool shit and that really is the most beautiful part of fanfiction and fandom in general. Fandom is this incredible loop of finding amazing shit and thinking "wow, I wanna do that too" and it's just really rewarding.

Save the Last Dance For Me by lalahganaja

(Alphinaud x WoL OC) Length: 11k Status: Complete (yatta!!!!) Review: ALPHINAUD MY BEAUTIFUL SONNNNN AAAAAAAARRRGGHHHSJGFKJGSGKHJHJF. This fic is so delightful bc it feels like I'm cheering on my children to kiss. A'tahja is so fucking precious and her and Alphinaud just bounce off each other so well. This fic also has the other Scions making an appearance and I fucking love it so much. Found family will never NOT make me absolutely batshit insane. Like yes, Y'shtola mamma cat <3 anyways *chews on Alphinaud and A'tahja* This is just so insanely fluffy and it made me slam my desk every few minutes bc cute teenage love story!!!! How can I not!!!! Alphinaud just acts like an adult a lot of the time and gets put in a lot of adult situations, but in this fic he just gets to be a little guy. A'tahja too, obviously as the WoL she's often off doing insane shit that no teenager should ever have to do and bearing burdens that are too much for a little skrunkly such as herself. But here they just get to be silly little kiddies who are very down bad for each other and it's adorable. I think another thing I really liked was A'tahja getting more in touch with her femininity? Idk how to put. But basically she had really short hair for most of her life bc she pretended to be a boy while in poverty, so to see her be A) pampered and B) learn to take care of herself and be more girly was super cute to see. Also, I am just always really surprised whenever I remember that Alphinaud can drink lmao. Like no, you are a baby (I was the same age as Alphinaud when I started playing this game) put the beer down and go sip on a capri sun or smth. God. Kids these days...

Canon character fics (?)

and i'm your clone, your strange creation by egg(strwpup)

(Fortemps familial angst from Artoirel's pov) Length: 6k Status: Complete (oneshot) Listen to me, I love this fic beyond words, but for the sake of my mental health I will NEVER read this shit again. My daddy issues go fucking DEEP like this is utter insanity. Don't get me wrong it is beautifully written and I love complicated family dynamics- but by god this fucked me up so bad. See, I like to personally believe that Edmont was a good, albeit flawed father but his sons know that he loves them and they love him in turn. But I know deep down in my heart of hearts that it is so much more complicated than that because you know, we can't have nice things here at Square Enix. It just personally fucks me up because I too, like Artoirel in this fic, am a momma's boy at heart and I... kinda hate my dad lmao. Basically, I kin Artoirel in this fic. Oldest child who has it out for my father + hates that I'm kinda like him. He loves his mother but holds contempt for his father, perhaps unfairly but can you blame him? (yeah I'm not only describing Artoirel here...) Edmont is a less than stellar father in this fic but you can tell he loves his kids and aaaaaaaaa I'm tearing up again. The complicated family dynamics + the drama of what happened in Heavensward is just so fucking delicious bro. 10/10 this fic destroyed me in every sense of the word and I do not want to go through that emotional reckoning again. However, I will be writing Edmont as a shitty dad in my fics now. Sorry but I am always just so insane for that sweet sweet eldest child and father dynamic because it's always so disastrous. Having parents is just so strange.

mon corps, le mien; mon coeur, le tien by steelthighsvoideyes

(Aymeric x Haurchefant x Estinien with a side of angst + Haurchefant survives the Vault AU) Length: 43k Status: Incomplete Review: I also started tearing up while writing this review because Haurchefant just does that to me okay? I feel like with a lot of Ishgard trio ship fics Haurche is always kind of left out? Or, he feels a bit tacked on to the Estimeric dynamic. That, or he's just sitting there with unrequited love bc clearly this man has not suffered enough. With this fic however, it definitely feels a lot more balanced. Like yeah a majority of the fic is just Haurchefant and Estinien bonding in the hospital, but Aymeric still feels present because of their shared past and how it's constantly being brought up. (in a good way) All three of them get the spotlight so you don't really lean towards one pairing. Romance aside, I really like the Ishgard trio's established dynamic in this fic because they're just guys being dudes. Besties who were in the military together. Like, Aymeric balances the trio out, Haurchefant is the sort of boisterous youngest member and Estinien is gruff and sarcastic and the banter between the three of them just flows so naturally. It's an actual friendship dynamic that serves as a solid foundation for what will hopefully be a romantic dynamic later on. Once again, friends to lovers is so good for this reason because the foundation is already there. You appreciate them as a person and you are aware of their flaws from the get-go, so when it turns romantic you skip a lot of the awkward exploration phase and can just be comfortable with each other. Anyways as for the crying part- the Fortemps familial drama follows Haurche throughout this fic and it does make me a little, tiny bit crazy. Not gonna spoil it, but the way Haurchefant feels about his family in this fic is just so real and visceral because of course it's super complicated. Once again, I like Edmont being a good dad, but realistically, it's shades of gray. Another thing about Haurchefant that not only this fic does but a lot of other people also head canon, is that his selflessness and willing to give can be self destructive at times. Once again, not gonna spoil, but it's just super heartbreaking to read Haurchefant be almost hypocritical, telling his friends to take care of themselves only for him to almost completely disregard himself. That's kind of what he does at the Vault in the first place, like that man died knowing that he did the right thing and protected his friend and oh god I'm gonna cry again I should stop talking... (I am not even kidding when I say that I will eventually write a Haurchefant character essay...)

Unicorn's Favor by Neyasochi

(Aymeric x Haurchefant x Estinien, yet another Haurche survives the Vault AU) Length: 34k Status: Complete Review: So, this is one of those fics where I feel Haurchefant is kinda just taped onto the Estimeric dynamic, and that's fine, it's whatever, I'm here for the porn and the banter. The premise of this fic is that Haurche helps get Estinien and Aymeric together and then smutty gay things happen. And that's all well and good BUT I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE FORTEMPS BROTHERS IN THIS FIC!!! *holds them gentle* For me, the best part of this fic was Haurchefant's relationship with his family which for a change, is NOT super angsty and complicated. It's all very heartwarming to see how in this fic the brothers get along very well (contrary to canon where unfortunately we know they were never very close) and to see Haurchefant really appreciate that he's still alive and gets to be around the people he loves more. It's just super cute and fluffy and now I just need fics like this in general. Yeah whatever it's not canon that the Fortemps bros actually like each other this much BUT IDC!!!! YOU NEVER SEPERATE TRIOS!!!! Speaking of trios, the Ishgard trio dynamic in this is yk it's fine it's whatever. In this particular fic, I find it quite cute that Haurche had a crush on Aymeric as a kid, so even if they aren't all buddy buddy in this fic there's still that lingering admiration and it's cute. I also completely swear by pansexual Haurchefant bc that man does NOT discriminate. Okay enough abt the French I will talk about the Italians (Romans) now.

Far colder on the earth than in the heavens by Altimas_Bane

(Galvus family things) Length: 7k Status: Complete Review: I told you I love my familial angst. No, I'm NOT okay. It DOES make me absolutely rabid that Emet Selch as Solus couldn't help but have some hope for the sundered because of Lucius because can you fucking imagine that??? Your son who gave you a little bit of hope for the broken, shattered people who replaced your brethren dies and that is the nail in the coffin. That is what makes you fully believe that they are unworthy. It was briefly mentioned in the short story "Through his Eyes", but Emet Selch had a little bit of hope for Lucius, and he was probably distraught when his son died. This fic goes over that agonizing feeling of watching someone slowly waste away from sickness. It is slow, it is painful, and it is gut wrenching. Idk man, just read it.

Son, Father, Emperor by January Blue

(Varis reflecting on his life and especially his relationship with Zenos)

Length: 12k Status: Complete Review: Heyyyyyy do you bitches remember when I said that Varis probably loved Zenos when he was younger but eventually held contempt for the monster he created? You all probably thought I was crazy for reading them like this BUT I'M NOT!!!!! Anyways fatherly angst strikes again (I am in shambles and this fic goes onto the list of fics that I will never read again for the sake of my mental health) LISTEN TO ME AND LISTEN WELL; Varis and Zenos' relationship isn't so black and white. No I'm not defending Varis- but come on the entire Galvus family is fucking crazy man. Anyways, to quote the comment I left on this fic because I do not want to repeat and retype it myself: "Varis, in a lineage of men that are strong, born into the arena that is politics, is WEAK because he is EMOTIONAL. Solus/Emet Selch calls him emotional in the cutscene he was introduced in (unless I'm hallucinating) and that SENT me because I was forced to rethink all of the information we had been shown of Varis until then. I wrote him off as a shallow villain but I did some digging and Varis is surprisingly the most empathetic in the Galvus household and it SHOWS whenever Solus berated him in cutscenes." Varis had emotions, he had morals he had a line that he would not cross. He has been shown to be merciful (when we parlayed with him in the Ghimlyt Dark) and it's known that he at least cared for his late wife, Zenos' mother. Obviously, he would extend that to his son at one point, right? Perhaps when he was still young and unmarked by the world- right???? See, I really like this fic because it frames Varis' absence from Zenos' life as unintentional, but at the same time, it does not absolve him of the fact that he is a terrible father. I don't want to say too much because I would very much like it if YOU, my dearest reader, took as much emotional damage reading this as I did- but I digress. Varis and Zenos' relationship is not as simple as "Varis hates Zenos" there's obviously some shades of gray here. I personally believed that there's no way Varis hated Zenos because Zenos' mother died in childbirth, and clearly, other people think the same. Listen, you don't just hate your own flesh and blood, at least, not from the very beginning. It's a slow process, and I know it in my heart of hearts that Varis regretted what he let happen to Zenos This fic is just so wonderfully written and I was actually kinda bouncing around my room reading this. Once again, major daddy issues, so maybe that's why I like believing that Varis loved Zenos once upon a time. Something, something, father's love their kids until they grow a mind of their own.

And that's my list! In the future as I make my way through fanfics I have marked for later due to spoilers, I might make another one of these because I think people need to read this shit!!!!

If one of your fics is on here please send me an ask so that I might go back and edit this to tag you!

[phantomoftheorpheum]

The Bear Season 3 Thoughts

Okay, I first want to say that obviously these are opinions! They are subjective. This is also quite a casual compilation of my thoughts, I didn't spend a long time trying to perfect my wording, which I think will be pretty evident.

Anyway, I love The Bear, I remember watching that first trailer and I was so excited for season 1 to drop, I just knew it was gonna be my kind of show. This is a show that makes me laugh, cry, stress, etc. However, like every other show in existence, it's not a perfect show, and I think season 3 in particular showcased some decisions/issues that I'm hoping will be handled a bit differently in season 4. I have some popular opinions and some unpopular opinions, but that's everyone, right?

Just a warning, this is long. I have a tendency to ramble.

*Spoilers from 1x01-3x10 of The Bear

The Good Stuff First!

The Tina Episode!!! I loved "Napkins" and even though Tina's antagonism at the beginning of season 1 was already understandable, getting these layers of her home life, the foundation of her relationship and loyalty to Michael and The Beef, her fears for her job stability, her jealousy of the opportunities of youth, etc. was just incredible. And Ayo directed it beautifully! I have cried over Tina's emotions multiple times in every season. Liza is so fantastic and can give you so much emotional complexity with her face. Gorgeous job as always. I hope they continue to spotlight her in future episodes, because she brings such a lovely balance of determination, hopefulness, warmth, and humor to her scenes.

I also loved getting to see this side of Michael in 3x06, since what we last saw of him was so, so dark. I think it's very interesting to get to see Michael through various people's eyes, because they see and remember different sides of him. The way Carmy remembers Michael is different from the way Tina does is different from the way Richie does. And that's how real relationships are. We don't show every side of ourselves to every person. I also really liked getting to see Michael talk to someone who doesn't know Carmy about Carmy, because it made me realize that Mikey very much had as incomplete of an understanding of Carmy as Carmy did of him. I think it was already very evident that Mikey cutting Carmy out was something he did as an attempt to protect him (and likely also due to shame/not wanting Carmy to know about his struggles), we've been able to gather that since season 1. And in a lot of ways, it worked. Carmy got out. He excelled, and dreamed, and learned, and succeeded. But it also damaged Carmy a lot more than I think Michael ever realized. Carmy saw it as a rejection, as not being good enough, as Michael not believing in him, and he's been trying to prove him wrong ever since (and still, clearly, is). We might be able to see what Mikey did ultimately as an act of love, but that is not how Carmy experienced it, and that's valid, too, even though Carmy's desperation for validation (which is literally impossible for him to ever earn from Michael at this point) is not an excuse for how he has treated others around him. Carmy clearly needs to find a way not to only view himself through the lens of other people's validation (or lack thereof). Easier said than done, obviously. Anyway, 3x06 was fantastic in every way and it's my favorite individual episode of the season.

In what feels like an unpopular opinion, I actually really liked 3x01. I know it was a divisive episode, and I can see where the criticisms are coming from, but I really enjoyed it. I liked the nonlinear timeline, the minimal dialogue, finally really piecing together Carmy's journey. I just enjoyed it. I also appreciate the fact that The Bear isn't a show that is afraid to try things. Sometimes those choices will land more with the audience than others, but it feels very refreshing in an age where so much of what is made plays everything incredibly, exhaustingly safe. I don't think it's a show that has ever intended to speak to everybody, and 3x01 is a good example of that. On a personal level, it ticked a lot of boxes for me as an editor, and I found myself so fascinated by the choices and time/craft that I know went into them. This was not something you see everyday, and I liked that, but I can also see why some people didn't. It really requires a lot of patience from the viewer, and it's a shift from what we're used to from this show itself.

Richie, Tiff, Frank, and Eva. Richie is such a great character, and I really liked getting a little more of a glimpse of his family situation in this season. I hope there's even more in season 4 (I hope we get to see the wedding). The amount that he has grown, while not being a completely different or perfect person (struggling with his place in his daughter's life, self doubt still being big for him, how hurt he is by Carmy's words, his stubbornness in his fight with Carmy & disagreeing with him even when he agrees just to spite him, etc.). I love how his relationships with Natalie and Sydney have grown so much. I loved watching his scene with Tiff this season, because I think it shows how far Richie has come and how much he really loves his daughter and Tiff. I also think this storyline is so relatable to a lot of people. Navigating a divorce and a new relationship with children is tough, but it's something a lot of people go through. The fact that they seem to be making it work, despite how hard it is for everyone, is really nice. And I love the showcase of "Just because you love someone a lot, that doesn't mean your romantic relationship will or should work out." Richie is just a great, beautifully flawed character.

The return of Donna. In a season where a lot of storylines were left completely up in the air, getting some kind of emotional resolution with Donna and Nat felt really important. It's not that their relationship issues are fully resolved, obviously, but the tension of "is it even possible for Natalie to have any kind of relationship with her mother?" is finally addressed. It's never going to be a perfect relationship, but there is hope in it. I've also seen this episode criticized for "nothing happening," but I think a lot happened! It's just that it happened internally. And internal progress is just as important (sometimes more important), than external progress. Watching this episode felt very cathartic to me because I felt like we got to see Nat do what Carmy cannot (in this season), which is to look at her relationship with her mother, which is not a good one, and understand that neither she nor Donna will ever be able to change the past, but they can try to move forward. It may or may not work, but they can try. And Natalie can be brave enough to open herself up for potential disappointment (and hopefully establish healthy boundaries), because the risk is worth it to her. Loved that. Both actresses were also phenomenal in this episode, imo. This is another episode that requires some patience from the viewers, but I think it is richly emotionally rewarding if you let yourself just be in it.

Olivia Coleman (Chef Terry)! I feel like that's explanation enough.

Carmy & Marcus. Personally, I haven't seen people talk about this much, but I feel like Carmy's relationship with Marcus, while only getting a small amount of time, was such a key part of the season because of how they are alike and how they are different. They're characters who are both passionate about what they do, both have a tendency to get at least a little lost in it and neglect other things/responsibilities, but Marcus has this beautiful ultimately positive outlook on life that Carmy lacks, while Carmy has the knowledge and experience that Marcus really respects and hopes to one day achieve. I feel Carmy's kindest moments of the season come during his support/mentorship of Marcus. Carmy is able to instill more confidence in Marcus, and give him space to explore, and Marcus is able to look past some of Carmy's worst character flaws and appreciate his artistry and passion. Since Carmy is so low this season, him having these encouraging/supportive moments, where we see that he did pick up some of the really good lessons in mentorship from some of the chefs he worked with (and not just the bad), with Marcus felt very important to me. While we didn't get a full Marcus-centric episode this season, I thought he was very good when we did see him. I wonder if Marcus may eventually (like possibly at the end of the show, depending on how long it runs) get an opportunity to go to an esteemed culinary school. He's always shown a lot of interest in the experimental, techincal, and academic side of the craft, as well as the artistry, so I could see him jumping at an opportunity like that.

The acting in general! Another season of fantastic performances! I really don't know what else to say about that.

The commitment to continuing to really flesh out side characters. Obviously the biggest example of this in this season is Tina, followed by Donna, but I love the small moments we get with characters like Ebra, Pete, Sweeps, Luca near the end, and even Fak (Neil).

Luca. I really like Luca and feel like he is a character with a lot of potential! I would totally be on board with him being a regular cast member. I think he has great energy and chemistry with everyone, and it was interesting to see the nerdy and less confident side of him (when surrounded by esteemed chefs), adding another dimension to his character. I feel like he already has a lot of potential to be involved in several storylines (Carmy's, Sydney's, Marcus'). I don't know if there's any chance of getting him as a regular in season 4, but I would love it. They did mention he's sticking around for a while, so I hope that's what that was foreshadowing.

A dive into Carmy's trauma/dysfunction. Okay, so I'm going to be talking a lot about Carmy in my critical section, so before we get there, I want to acknowledge what I liked about his arc (or half of one) this season. I feel like I get Carmy. I relate to a lot of his negative qualities. I, too, am a perfectionist with obsessive tendencies who has impossibly high standards for themselves. I, too, often get stuck in a negative feedback loop, where I avoid conflict and hyper-fixate on something else to justify it. I, too, struggle to open up to people in a meaningful way, to be genuinely emotionally vulnerable, and kind of shut down when I'm hurt. And I, too, know all of that about myself, can recognize it from a distant, theoretical standpoint, but still struggle to not fall into that kind of behavior when put under stress. I also have a complicated relationship with my older sibling, so there's that. I get Carmy. I have a lot of empathy for Carmy. I think he sometimes doesn't get enough credit from the fans for his positive qualities, because his negative qualities are massive, driving forces in each season. So, aside from the deep dive into the unhealthy ways we process trauma, here's what I think is positive about Carmy's arc this season- I think the writer's know what they're doing with Carmy, even if I don't totally agree with how they've paced it. For a little while, I was concerned that maybe they had lost sight of how to handle Carmy and pushed him too far, just as a character in general, but the last 2 episodes of the season reaffirmed to me that they are, at the very least, aware of how far they have pushed him, and they know exactly where they're going with him. Does that mean I agree with the pacing of this now? No, I still think this could be improved significantly, but at least it feels intentional. Maybe I'll change my mind when I see how things play out in season 4.

This is a show that cares. It isn't always perfect, but it always cares. One thing that I've seen as a criticism, I actually thought was perfect (maybe I'm the one reading the scene wrong, you can let me know your thoughts), but I saw people say that the details were sloppy this season, and specifically citing the fact that Sydney makes a fennel salad in season 1, but is served something else by Carmy due to a "fennel allergy" in this season. When I saw this in the episode, I thought it was brilliant attention to detail, because my reading of the scene was that there is no allergy, Carmy just says that so he can rebel against Chef David's orders and serve the dish the way he wants to. I assumed the fennel allergy was chosen by the writers specifically because, if we notice, it is a confirmation that Carmy is lying. I still think that's the point, but maybe I'm wrong.

Another thing I really respect about this show is that I don't think they make really many (or any) of their creative decisions based off of fan response. Now, don't get me wrong, I think there is a lot of value in flexibility and willingness to adjust when something isn't working or when it receives solid constructive criticism. I respect being able to raise your hand and say, "hey, you're right, that wasn't the best," and make a change. But I also really respect not allowing loud opinions to fundamentally change the story you're telling, just for popularity points. I think The Bear, due to a lot of attention on social media and the awards circuit, has grown past the audience that it is really made for. There are a lot of people watching (or trying to watch) who absolutely never would have if they didn't see so much chatter about it online. And that's fine! I have certainly tried shows out of my comfort zone for the same reason. Some worked for me and broadened my horizons, and some didn't. But The Bear does not seem to care about adhering to "popular" tropes, storylines, filming style, editing style, etc. just for the sake of mainstream validation. When it does do those things, it very much feels like it does so because the creatives behind the show want to, not because of external pressure. And that's going to alienate some people. That's not always going to land well. It's probably going to come off (or even just be) pretentious sometimes. But I would always rather watch something that was clearly a passion project, even if I don't really get it or it ultimately doesn't really work for me, than something designed specifically for mass appeal and without a soul. So, to me, this is a huge net positive.

The Less Good Stuff

Let's talk about the elephant in the room- "To Be Continued..." The double renewal for season 3 & 4 clearly changed their approach to the pacing/storytelling this season, and I'm not personally convinced it was for the best. I love that there's going to be a season 4, and I love that they got an opportunity to leave some big things unresolved because they knew it wasn't going to be the end, but... this really is just 3A and 3B and the fact that it ends with "To Be Continued..." means they absolutely know this, too. I guess it's better that it's an intentional choice, but it does make season 3 feel incomplete, and it doesn't really stand up on its own. It may be 10 episodes, but it is half of a story. That's not necessarily a bad thing (I think this isn't usually such a problem once it ages, because people who are watching in the future will be able to jump from season 3 straight into season 4, and it won't feel as grueling), but it is a different thing from the first two seasons. And I don't love it. Personally, I think they could have paced some of the storylines a bit differently, so we were closing a few more smaller arcs out to give the end of the season a sense of resolution, even with big things hanging over our heads. The fact that the season has left nearly every storyline completely up in the air is a bit much, imo. I think season 3 is the weakest individual season so far, and it's really all tied back to the pacing.

Okay. Time to tackle Carmy. I love Carmy. I actually, really do. He's very flawed, very layered, and feels like a fully realized human. However... I am, quite frankly, tired of Carmy being so low. I know he's the main character, and therefore a lot of the driving drama centers on him, but he's been in a downward spiral for (imo) a bit too long now, and I just need... some little ray of hope for him. The season 2 finale felt like a low, but then all of season 3 just got worse. And I am tired. I think this pacing is on purpose, but I am too tired, and I think a lot of people feel the same way. I will say, the last two episodes gave me some hope that he has seen the light (a little). I hope it will not take the entirety of season 4 to mend some of these fences and face some of his actions (I don't expect him to suddenly be a different person, but I don't want to spend 10 episodes of season 4 with him only dealing with stuff head on at the end), because he genuinely becomes difficult for me to like, despite all the empathy I have for him, by the midpoint this season. Again, I think they meant to do this, but I also, personally, think it's a little too grueling. And if this is the pacing they wanted to go with, I think it would have been nice to see at least a few more glimmers of Carmy's positive qualities, to remind us why we like him in the first place.

Carmy & Richie, Carmy & Syd, Carmy & Claire, Carmy & Nat. I think one of the reasons I'm struggling so much with Carmy throughout is that absolutely none of his closest relationships make any positive forward progress this season (this is part of the reason I feel like the Carmy & Marcus scenes were so important, because he doesn't get a lot of other vulnerable moments with anyone else this season), and, again, I think it's just a little too much. I understand that Carmy basically shutting himself off from his life is part of the arc, but I think that could have come across and still moved at least one of these relationships a little bit forward. I get why they didn't want to resolve Carmy & Claire yet (they knew they had season 4 and based on the falling out they had, there really did need to be time away from each other). I get why Carmy & Sydney are in a rough place, it's important for her storyline, and so I get that, but... Carmy & Nat are also not communicating this season. I feel like even at serious low points in previous seasons, Nat would still tell him what's what. And here's the thing, I get that she's distracted and has her own stuff to deal with, but it still stretches the believability a bit for me because the restaurant is her job, too. It's not as if she is working elsewhere and having a baby and just doesn't have time to deal with Carmy. His behavior is literally central to her job and having negative impacts on literally everyone around her. That she would just bite her tongue when this puts her and nearly everyone she cares about in a precarious position just feels off. In this season, everyone who would normally confront Carmy about his choices basically just completely give up on that after 3x02, and this feels to me like a choice made for the plot, not necessarily reflecting the established character relationships. But the big one for me that doesn't land is Carmy & Richie. Because they are handled by being separated entirely. I wish they had more scenes together. Would those scenes probably be arguments? Yeah, okay, mostly. But the fact that they basically don't speak after 3x02 takes one of the best dynamics of the show out of play for an entire season. Personally, I think Carmy & Richie reaching at least some stable ground this season could have really improved things, and given us some sense of resolution, when so many other storylines are up in the air. Even if they didn't clear the air entirely, but they came to a kind of grudging truce, that would have helped, imo. Even if all of Carmy's other relationships were still on the rocks, if we got a really cathartic, vulnerable moment between Carmy & Richie, I think it would have helped inject just a little more hope into this season.

Too many Faks (AKA, too much of a good thing). I love Fak (Neil) and I even like Ted, but I think Sammy was a bridge too far. Not only was the choice of guest star a bit too jarring, imo (it just feels like he's in a different show from everyone else? and unlike the other cameos, I was never able to let go of the fact that I was watching a celebrity), I think they spent way too much time on it. I did like the duck bit, but overall, it felt tonally off. The extended scenes about "haunting" didn't really hit with me, and I feel like Fak (and/or the Faks) is at his best in small, strange, chaotic doses. I didn't mind their uncle, though, because his scene didn't take that much time. When we finally got around to the "haunting" conversation with Carmy (about Claire), I felt like I finally understood why this whole thing was even a thing, but I also felt it was just a clunky/poorly paced way to do it. A ton of set up for minimal payoff.

Sydney. Okay, before you get upset with me, this is not me saying Sydney is bad this season, this is me saying I don't think they've totally done her character justice with the writing and pacing of this season (the, "this is really just 3A," thing strikes again). I have rewritten this section over and over because I'm really struggling to put into words what I mean here. I think the closest I can come is- I want more of Sydney's screen time to be about Sydney. I feel like a lot of her time this season went to scenes that were in service of other character's arcs. And it's not that I don't want any of those, like of course her relationships with other characters are important, and of course she can be in a scene that is mostly about someone else and that scene also be furthering her arc, I just felt like her individual arc was a little stalled out, and (basically same complaint as Carmy's, except for Sydney is much more enjoyable than him this season) due to how they paced this, it felt a bit too slow to me. However I have a lot of hopes that season 4 will be more Sydney-centric and faster paced in a lot ways, both in what we see from her, and how her choices (I am assuming that she will take the job, though I hope she doesn't leave The Bear forever) have a huge ripple effect on the other characters. I hope that means in season 4, we'll have more scenes where other character's are in service of Sydney's storyline and not the other way around. I think I completely get Sydney's storyline in 3, I just don't love the pacing of it (how many times can I say that I don't agree with season 3s pacing?). But I am so hopeful for Sydney in season 4. I think there is a ton of potential for a big showcase of Sydney growing, exploring, struggling, failing, persevering, and just generally discovering what she really wants, and I'm excited for it. I really love Ayo, and that last scene of Sydney this season gave me chills, so I am ready to see what she delivers in season 4.

The editing/pacing of the finale. Obviously I find a lot of the storylines too dragged out and slower than they should be, I've mentioned that a lot, but this is a more specific complaint about the last episode. As much as I praised The Bear earlier for having an artistic and creative vision and not compromising that for mainstream appeal, I definitely felt like the dinner at Ever could have been a lot shorter. It almost felt like, "hey, we invited all these real chefs and we don't want anyone to feel slighted, so we have to make sure to really feature all of them," and while it did relate to things Carmy & Sydney are feeling/thinking, it just dragged quite a bit. I also think some of the better lines got buried by so many different people making so many different points. It was slow. And hey, maybe this is one of those moments where the show isn't for me, and that's okay, but it doesn't make me like this scene any better.

Lack of warmth. I think one big thing missing from a lot of this season is the warmth that the first two seasons exude. Some of this is literal, the color palette at The Bear has shifted to mostly cool tones, so there is a visual coolness, but also the chaos feels cold. The chaos in the first 2 seasons had an endearing (though still stressful) quality to it, but the chaos in season 3 is largely just stressful. Again, I think this is an entirely intentional choice. It wants the atmosphere to feel clinical and impersonal and detached, it is reflective of Carmy's mental state, but the loss of that vibe just makes the show less fun, imo. And yes, the show is not about fun, but the higher highs of seasons 1 and 2 gave some much needed levity and contrast to the lows.

The Stuff I'm (Theoretically) Neutral About

Claire. It seems like everybody on the planet has a strong opinion about Claire. They hate her, think she's the worst/most boring character ever. Or they love her. Or they feel the need to fundamentally pit her and Sydney against each other and use one to tear down the other. Or they complain about her even existing. I don't mind Claire. I don't love Claire. I don't hate Claire. I still haven't passed judgement on Claire as an individual character. That feels like an unpopular opinion to have. Is anybody else neutral on Claire? I think she plays an important role to what they decided to do in season 2. She is Carmy's dream girl, she's been Carmy's dream girl for years. I think Claire is the living, breathing example that we get to see in real time of how Carmy romanticizes people that he feels intensely emotional about, and fails to see fully realized versions of them. He did it to Mikey, and then he does it to Claire. Imo, she seems "perfect" and 2 dimensional in season 2 because we only see her through Carmy's eyes, and he's romanticizing her and their relationship. I don't mind that in season 2. And she's barely in season 3 (even when we do see her, a lot of it is flashback and so is still solely through Carmy's eyes), so I don't feel like I can make any new judgments of her character. I think she genuinely is a nice, lovely person, and whether or not she interests me as a character is still up in the air. If she begins to play a larger, more present role in the narrative individually, then I'll expect them to reveal more layers to her. For now, I'm neutral. I'm not super for or against her. This kind of leads into my next point, which is-

Shipping. I'm not against shipping for this show, and romantic love is a dynamic that is great to explore. I'm just not personally all that invested in romance in this show in general. So, like, I love it from the standpoint of how it reveals things about the characters (like the scene with Richie and Tiff where we see Richie's familial love overcome the pain of his romantic love not working, or the lovely background stuff with Tina and her husband) and how it fits into character's overall arcs, and I'm open to exploring different romantic dynamics with different characters, I just don't feel super strongly about who those characters should be. It's very much on the back burner of my mind. I think they're definitely setting up Richie & Jess for something in that regard, that feels like a question that needs to be answered (even if the answer is no). I can see little hints towards several potential relationships, and I'm willing to walk down any path they want to go in this regard, as long as the show stays what it is and doesn't become a clichéd romantic drama (I don't think it will), but I just don't have strong feelings around this. That's open to change, but that's where I'm at right now.

My Season 4 Hopes

The Bear. I have some specific hopes for the restaurant. I think it's quite evident that things can't stay the same. What Carmy is trying to do is completely unsustainable. I do hope the restaurant is able to stay open (like it would be quite sad to lose the place, after so much work to keep it open and improve, etc.), but I also hope it goes through some major changes, obviously in the way it's run, but also in the way it looks. There's a gorgeous shot of Richie and Carmy in the penultimate episode, with Carmy in the kitchen and Richie in the dining room, and it is absolutely stunning. And it is also absolutely blue. Ever's light is very cold as well, and I don't mind that for that restaurant, but when we meet The Beef, it's this warm, chaotic, dirty, ugly mess. But it's also got a soul. The Bear in season 3 feels soulless, a lot of the time. And the shift from the warm yellow dominant tones of the first two seasons, to the cool blue dominant tones of season 3 creates this kind... unwelcoming feeling to viewers. Sure, it's intentional, absolutely, but I hope it isn't just going to be like this moving forward. I think the restaurant needs to stop trying to be Ever, stop trying to be all these other places Carmy has worked at, and get to some middle ground. Not quite The Beef, but also not quite The Bear (as we know it right now). Which, honestly, is what Carmy needs as well. I think there's a lovely opportunity to physically shift aspects of the restaurant to match Carmy's internal journey, which will hopefully have some positive movement in season 4.

Sydney-centric plot! As previously mentioned, I have a lot of hopes for how Sydney's storyline is going to go, and I hope we get to see more elements to her story, because even though she had a lot of screen time, so much of that is devoted to just building her frustration, but very little outside of that.

Cicero episode. Oliver Platt is awesome, and with the little bits we got about Cicero's money troubles, and how much he loves the Berzatto kids, I think I would really enjoy a Cicero episode.

A second character focused episode. There are a lot of options for this, but I want at least two episodes that spotlight character who we haven't gotten to see too much of yet.

Carmy sees the light, and not in the season 4 finale. I just think we need to start building him back up ASAP (doesn't have to be linear progress, but I gotta see something), because his season 3 was completely grueling and exhausting to watch.

Richie & the wedding. I love Richie's dynamics with his family, and I think this would be really fun. Particularly since it might be a chance to see a lot of the main characters gathered at a non-work related event (I don't know how close Tiff is various characters, but based on the Christmas episode, she has some kind of relationship with a lot of them, plus Tina mentions going to a Berzatto Christmas in season 1). The wedding feels like it could be an incredibly fun bottle episode.

If you're still here, hi and thanks for reading my very informal, very off the top of my head thoughts. I definitely feel like this season has been quite divisive and while I certainly have my criticisms, I feel like how they stick the landing in season 4 (or don't) will, in the more long term view, ultimately play a big part in how I feel about season 3.

As always, shoot me an ask if you've got thoughts to share!

[jawz]

i wish detrans narratives weren’t centered around looks, appearance. i want them to address the way it feels to live in pain in a surgically altered body- no, i need that to be addressed.

it’s not about aesthetics at the end of the day for me. or, the part that cares about aesthetics, that’s like 10% maybe, it’s an add-on. sure, it’s difficult to have a beard. and i have empathy for a young woman who finds herself suddenly half bald. like, that’s really fucking tough. but it is reversible or “fixable”. you know what is not reversible? what cannot be lasered away or covered with a wig? a mastectomy. I cannot just take estrogen and re-grow my breasts. and i am not left with a flat chest (i.e. a male chest, or a pre-pubertal female chest): there is too much tissue missing. it is an incomplete chest. the skin stretches tight over bone (bones which were slightly warped from years of binding, incidentally). My heart beats far too strongly against it. It’s as though you packed up boxes and forgot to insulate the breakable items with newspaper, bubble wrap, or cloth. there’s no buffer there. and the nerves are haywire, i often feel a deep below-skin itch on the bone itself but in order to scratch it i have to touch a piece of skin five inches to the left.

honestly, some of this verges on body horror territory, in my opinion. and i think that’s what ‘detrans allies’ et al, not to mention those who dismiss or ignore us, need to understand… opposition to surgical transition doesn’t, in my case, come from some political, anti-gender motive… it’s literally about physical comfort. it’s about the ability to live life in a body that works. and i care about this not just for detrans women, but for trans men too, or anyone who seeks a “gender affirming” mastectomy: i want people who have suffered dysphoria like me to live our lives in bodies that don’t hurt. sometimes the hurt isn’t clear until 5, 10 years later. sometimes you didn’t know how much it hurt because you took so many pills or had so many drinks you just couldn’t feel it anymore.

if there was a surgery like this that didn’t cause this kind of hurt, i’d support it wholeheartedly. I’m not sure how much clearer i can be.

[itsclydebitches]

It astounds me that CRWBY can have the whole volume's 'character arc' resting on the idea that Ruby doesn't need to be perfect and that her friends aren't expecting her to be, only for her heroic entrance in the climax to be followed by her team mates basically going "If she wasn't perfect, we wouldn't follow her.". They've already failed to effectively establish a character arc and somehow STILL manage to undermine it.

Unfortunately, that's RWBY's go-to writing style: put forth a straightforward character arc, but then fail to consider how everything surrounding it may undermine that journey. RT seems to continually believe that The Message of the show is separate from everything else we see on screen, rather than realizing they're two sides of the same coin; a fictional series of evidence supporting a fictionalized argument. You can't have a character proclaim, "I've learned to be charitable!" and then show numerous scenes where they're being unnecessarily stingy. That's a head and a tails that simply don't fit.

Cat: You’re broken! You break everything you touch! I call Humans… weak! Confused! Incomplete! Weiss: No, you’re wrong. Yang: She’s never been any of those things. Blake: That’s why we follow her.

Unlike my above example though, RWBY is usually a bit more complicated. Here, the Cat tosses out accurate and inaccurate accusations, making it that much easier for viewers to simply ignore the ways in which this moment doesn't support Ruby's arc because look, some of what he's saying is nonsense. Personally, I disagree with "broken" and "incomplete"—especially with those two descriptors leveled partly at Yang—but confused? Frequently. Weak? Yes, that's a part of life; a challenge to overcome. Breaking everything they touch? Not everything, but a large part of Volume 9's reflection was supposedly them acknowledging how massively they messed up in Atlas. So... yeah. Things have been broken, on a literal and metaphorical level. Why would the heroes deny that in the final hour?

The purpose of Ruby's arc was meant to be accepting her flaws to the point where she can work to move past them. There's a fine line between acknowledging that people are imperfect while likewise acknowledging our responsibility to continually improve. It's not an excuse or a pessimistic declaration, yet Volume 9 started by denying the impact that their failure has had on others—Who cares that an entire Kingdom is gone? We tried our best and that's all that will ever matter!—and ends with the girls denying that those flaws exist at all. "You're wrong... She’s never been any of those things." Ruby has never been weak? Or confused? She's never fucked up? Huh, I thought this arc was explicitly showing how weak and confused and a failure she's been, to the point where those emotions drove her to a magical suicide. Worse than simply erasing Ruby's (already near non-existent) growth though, this moment—as you say, anon—suddenly paints Ruby as perfect when the whole POINT was for her to realize she didn't have to be. Her team turns her into an archetype on a pedestal, rather than a living, breathing, flawed person who needs support. Ruby is never confused. She's never weak. She's never lacked anything within her sense of identity. She's never made horrific mistakes. She is the PERFECT leader and that is why we follow her. Insert the implication here that a flawed Ruby would be abandoned by her team, AKA the very fear she expressed earlier that day:

Ruby from a few hours ago: "Why do I have to be the leader, anyway? Why do I always have to be the one to pick people up? What about me? ... Gotta find someone who isn't going to just screw everything up! Gotta stay positive, right? Smiles all around!"

RWBY is so frustrating because we have these scenes where multiple narrative problems are combining. I hate that they have Ruby complaining about being leader when she continually demanded that responsibility, to the point of actual Kingdom-wide destruction, and I hate that she's simultaneously right to be upset with how her team has been treating her. RWBY fails on both fronts by giving us a hero who is incapable of acknowledging her own screwups without making a whole production of it (Ruby's breakdown, though understandable, puts her in the position of a victim in need of comfort, rather than the responsible party who needs to own up to those mistakes) and it gives us a hero who expresses a need to be treated like a human being... only for her team to turn around and deny a large chunk of what makes her human.

None of which even gets into the iffy human/faunus dichotomy and how these definitions of humanity apply to Blake...

I love you just the way you are, says Summer, talking to a literal toddler who has not caused irreparable damage in a war. What about me? screams Ruby, someone who has made it all about her since she ignored Qrow's advice and ran after Cinder. We never expected her to be perfect, says Yang, and she's kinda right because the story has consistently shown Ruby demanding this responsibility, not having it placed on her shoulders. We follow Ruby because she's perfect, says the team, obliterating this Volume's arc that was already contradicting the rest of the series. This show is a MESS, says Clyde, banging her head against the metaphorical wall.

[lunar-serpentinite]

very incomplete thoughts because im just pulling shit out of my ass at this point but honestly i feel like dark!harry would be dangerously nihilistic. the stress and heavy burdens of being the Chosen One who is also being unheard by the rest and slandered every other day or so would drive him to one final breakdown before he decides he has finally had enough

we know that harry is the type to feel a lot. he is regularly driven by his emotions and his morals and his wishes to actually help. so when he's had enough, he could just straight up not feel anything. after all, his feelings dont really matter in the big picture. why should he bother anymore ?

now we know that suppression of Magic, whether through conscious choice or to cope with abuse, can result in an Obscurial so it won't be too far of a stretch to say that excessive suppression of emotions can also result in something as dangerous for wixen.

so picture this : harry's had enough. he wants out of literally everything he's going through right now. and in the midst of his distress and slowly fraying sanity, he wishes hard enough to "stop feeling anything" that his own Magic obeys

harry goes from feeling too much to feeling nothing at all . there's a void in his chest where his emotions should be, and he finds that it really doesn't bother him at all. he feels the most peaceful he has been in a long, long while. the void in his chest grows larger still and slowly, he begins to think that nothing really matters in the end.

he thinks about everyone. they tout and scream to the rooftops that hes the chosen one, that hes supposed to stop voldemort, that he is destined for greatness. but then they treat him like a child, like a fragile little thing who cant do anything right. they dont believe a lot of what he says, and would rather be swayed by the words of dumbledore or the prophet or skeeter. he doesnt really matter all that much to them, he supposes. hes just their little symbol of hope, there to sit pretty and wait til the final duel.

well. none of that anymore. they can deal with voldemort by themselves. doing anything for or against them would mean nothing anyways. he's an immature child in their eyes anyways, so an immature child he will be.

harry doesn't notice that the void hes been feeling in his chest has started to affect him and his surroundings as well. it's like he has become a small black hole, draining the life and the magic of everything around him. and if someone comes close enough to him, he'd be draining their emotions as well.

he and his magic have effectively squashed any and all feelings he has besides apathy. all he cares about now is getting the rest he deserves and letting the world fall to ruins. they can figure it out, he thinks, not like they ever needed him anyways. and i feel like with the absence of his emotions and morals, he'd be more inclined to using crueler spells just to keep his peace.

he still has a bit of his dramatic flair so harry probably lays himself to rest somewhere like beneath the rubble of his family's home, which is the closest he can be to "resting with his parents beneath the snow". he pulls a bella swan, lays there all numb and uncaring, and lets the world pass him by

meanwhile, the void in his chest grows larger and stronger still. it feeds from the remains of harry's emotions and the vitality of the environment around them. eventually, it grows enough that it becomes capable of manifesting outside of harry and it becomes somewhat like an Obscurus, shapeless and near invisible but capable of dealing large amounts of damage. however, it stays in place and only acts when it perceives a threat to harry's rest, which is pretty much anything that moves within their vicinity

potter cottage becomes a little bubble of nihility. it eats at anything that comes near and people become horribly numbed if they come too close. sometimes harry can hear his friends call out to him from within, but hes getting the rest he has been wanting for so long. they can figure things out by themselves.

so

yeah

that's the thought

[tbgkaru-woh]

Please, I am begging you on my knees, I need to know all your headcanons for the 4 fierce corpses under Nie Huaisang's control. Please, do share if you feel like it, I would love to know all your thoughts concerning that incredible piece of art!

aah, thank you for the compliment :') alrighty let's see, strap in! It's only half-way thought out but if i gave it one more minute i'm sure i could polish some details (mostly regarding jzx and sl). NIE MINGJUE

after learning about Wen Ning, Nie Huaisang's goals for ressurecting WWX weren't just out of friendship justice or revenge for his brother- he needed him back. It's what he made WWX know that WWX owed him after they find the pieces of NMJ and stitched him back together, whether WWX wanted nothing to do with demonic cultivation anymore or not. WWX obliged but NMJ's resentful energy was too strong to properly control, but his presence was too important to NHS and so he kept him chained head to toe, right by his hall's throne. Everything was easier with him there and NHS's delusion, he dressed him, styled his hair, talked to him and only tssk-ed when the feral corpse tried to bite back.

WEN NING

WWX also passed his demonic cultivation knowledge onto NHS, as NHS was always curious about it since Gusu days (donghua), and also left Wen Ning with him when he himself left with LWJ. NHS wasn't the kindest to him, as one tends to with whoever carries the name "Wen", and mostly treated WN as the main "guard dog" of the place, as he didn't want to risk NMJ for anything.

JIN ZIXUAN

there were few background moments in the show where NHS bowed to JZX who ignored him or when NHS gave a smile to JZX and i just imagined the solidarity these two noble lonely dudes could have had were they to ever interact after jzx got his shit together (or before Gusu days). I could see NHS adore JZX in a way, see him as a peer, see him as deserving of second chance at their potential friendship. JZX's fierce corpse would be EXTREMELY timid, incomplete, no need for chains, but also he was too weak as he was transformed late (was he NHS's first attempt before he decided he needed WWX to make sure NMJ comes out "proper"?) so he's literally just kept as an ornament, for the company. NHS would have gossp-y "sleepovers" with him, do his hair, perfume him, draw him, live the life that was good before everything went to shit.

SONG LAN

Let's pretend Song Lan still stayed a fierce corpse (CQL) and NHS found him kneeling by XXC's grave unmoving. NHS had no ill-will towards SL, if anything, he knew him as someone to be respected and adored, even found all pathetic like this. Song Lan would be mostly timid, with agressive bursts that required some amount of chains for its unpredictability. Song Lan was mostly used as servus around the Nie residency, mostly to stroke NHS's ego to have someone once so great work for him now.

altogether, this NHS took the petty psycho route further than in the story and lives in delusion where he gets to be the "old" self he lost thanks to everyone around him. All 4 corpses are found by his side whenever someone -who's allowed in- visits.