#I am in the most simple terms genderqueer

[sirenium]

Hi my gender is

H̶̨̧̛͎̯̰̻̮͗̂͆̓̋̂̍̇̃͘S̵̛̋̽̔͑͒̐͂̾̒̅͝͝��̜̞͚͇̻̩̱͕̩̞̦͜Ĥ̷̡̜̙̝͕͍͊́̿̆̑̉̌͘S̸̹̯̩͈̜̰̰̘̠̟̾͛̏̄B̶̛̦̳͆͆̂̀̇̓́̊̀̉̕͝S̵̼͈̟̭̘̎̿̕̕͝J̸̛͎̾̔́̎̌̔̀̅̐̕͠͝S̴͚̫̪̝̖͍̘̦͓̺̭̭̗̩̐̑̆̽̃̾̃͋̄̎̆́̈́̍B̶̨̦̖̻̹̱̂̀͜S̶̺̱͎͇̘̺͈̯͎͒̃̊̈̎̾͝ͅJ̵̣̗̼̎́̎̌̿̅́Ś̷̹͍̥̈̎̾͂̔̎̅̌͒̚͝͝B̶͚͈͈͖͔̪̣̰͍̜̒͊͆͛͘͝S̵̢͇̼̻̦͕̮̪̖̍ͅJ̵̨̻̗̯̬̩̻͒̈́̚͘S̶̢̛̺̣̞̟̓͑͆̌̓͐ͅN̴͉̤̠̺̻̟̖͉͋̓͜S̵̻̞̜͙̃̑̓́̏̂̈͂̄̚J̸̛̣̠̦̭̪̫̼̺̐̒͝ͅͅḘ̶̩̣̼̈́̆̓͛̀͋̐͜$̸̗̳̻̽̽̋̽̎3̸͖̮̌̽&̸̢̫̼̜͍͓̦͉̗̘̣̙̑͜:̵̢̨̭͍̠̦̱̦̈́̆͒̇̓̿͌̾̏́̅̾́̆̌!̶̢͎̪̓͆̉:̴̭̫̟̜͙̮̞̫̩̈͊͜ͅ9̵̡̫͕̩̰͍̞͙͎̻͇̯͆̾͂͂̃̓̈́͐̏̽͊ͅ2̶̨̡̙͕̪̳̩͎͍͕̠̤͕͕̟́̓̓'̴̠̱͙̬͎̥͔̟͔̥̼͘͠w̵̨̭͉͍̄͋͜ķ̴̧̨̱̫̼́͒͛̓̚͜w̷͈͊̏̾̔͗͘͝n̶̢͕͙͖̘̟̙̦̣̳̜̺͇̳̍̋͐̈́̇̋͋̅͛̽̍͘͝e̶̢̥̠̜̟̟̭͛͊͒ͅķ̶̡̛̩͚̱̼̲̮̯̫̺̺͎͔̈́̄̒ḙ̴̲͎͎͉̠̖̪̟́̄ṉ̷̨͠e̴̢͖͍̮͌͋̎́̾k̵̝͍͑̂̐w̴͔͇̣͈̳̍̉͋̌̿̔͘͝m̸̨̩̟͙̬̹͉̩̣͔̠͓̞̹̉̈̀̈́̊̄̈́̀̓̈͐͝ͅs̷̢͇̖̻̭̣̜̫̙̈̄͗̀̽͗͜ͅḳ̸̛̿̑͋̽̍͒̀̅̎̀͊͝x̷̨̛͍̟̯̺̦̄͊̇̈́̓͛͠n̶̢̢̠̣̱̣̲̮̱̳͖̘͈̾͑̑́̀̀̾́̈́̕͜͝ͅe̷͎͕͎̘̖̫̭̱̝͛̌̾̄̃̕͝͠k̶͙͙̣̖̓͊̿e̶̢̧̨̩͍̤̲̦̺̥͕̼̫͆̃

Hope this helped!

[homocidalpotat]

Intro post under the cut! (because it's quite long and I don't want it to take up my entire blog)

Please read it though, I sorted it out so it's very simple to read :3

Basic introduction

The rest of this post is probably on the boring side, mostly personal stuff, and it's all grammatically correct (I think...).

URL stuff: I'm Homocidalpotat (Jokingly. I won't be killing anyone... probably. And, apparently, I am a human not a potato?! What a scam...). Currently on the search for EVERY potato blog!

Name: Call me Jasper, my chosen name, it gives me so much euphoria

Pronouns: They/them mostly but I'm happy with it/its, he/him and zey/zem

MBTI: INTJ

Basic DNI: Terfs, radfems, vent blogs, pedophiles, trans/homophobes, horny blogs, general haters, etc

Other blogs/side blogs/accounts

Link to a list of the whole lotta them!!

Please do have a look/follow at these!!!! <3

Note about some things I do not want to see on my blog

I won't post anything discriminatory on this blog. It upsets me and other people that might see it. I'm talking racism, homophobia, aphobia, sexism, terfs, nazis, all the horrible things and people that spread hate. I don't want it. Anyone in their right mind does not want it. Don't send me asks/DMs, or tag me in anything with that content. And please, for somebody's sake, correctly tag content like this. If you are posting about your hate for anything, tag it with 'anti-' before it or something along the lines of that. my

Note about me being a minor

I am a minor, so don't tag or show me anything that might not be appropriate. Literally anything NSFW. Anything 18+.

Please don't harass me (with spam, in my DMs/askbox, about ANYTHING)

Donations/gofundmes

As I'm a minor with no money I can't donate to any funds for any of the wars or any other things like that. However, I am very happy to reblog posts with funds etc, because that is something I can do to raise awareness and prompt other people to help financially (if they can). I might not reblog donation posts if there are triggering subjects on it. Please don't send me asks/DMs for donations/help, here is why I have said this

Credits

My header image is a screenshot I took of Tears of the Kingdom :) and I made my profile picture. Credit to @magicalboything for making the divider in this post. Thank you!

Gender identity, romantic/sexual orientation and a note about my interaction with genderqueer people

I am on the asexual spectrum. I am also genderqueer, so I don't mind what terminology or pronouns you use on me but I prefer more neutral ones. Thanks!!! I'm not sure how to label my sexuality, but I'm very much queer and very much in love with my partner, Erin- @names-confuse-me (they are very nice, you should say hi). Sometimes I use unlabeled for my gender and romantic orientation. Or just queer. I'm queer and I'm here, pretty much.

I will always respect your pronouns and identity and I am a safe person to speak to about this (and most other things). If I don't know your pronouns I will use they/them until I find out. I have also been known to use more gendered nicknames (eg. dude, man, girl, etc) but if you don't feel comfortable with one or more of those names, just shout :3 I don't want to make people feel upset. If I do use these more gendered terms, I mean it in a gender-neutral way more often than not.

Note about my Mental Health

I am officially diagnosed with autism, and I might have OCD. My parents think I have ADHD as well... But in short I am neurodivergent, so would really appreciate a safe environment for me, if you can provide it!

I also have vivid hallucinations, panic attacks, I self harm, etc. I have a vent blog so I won't mention it here, and I always use trigger warnings. So... I guess DNI if you aren't comfortable with that.

I am not as mentally stable as you may think from a first glance. I am not doing well. This means I might spend weeks offline or days clinically online. It also means that I might be a bit sensitive or fragile but I don't think I have had many major incidents online.

Here is a post I made about my boundaries for people coming to vent to me: link

Here is a post listing my triggers: link

Note about my content

Sometimes I might post something rash, rude or wrong without realising. Please call me out on this sort of thing, and I'd really appreciate it if you do so calmly. I am neurodivergent, which might excuse me for posting something like that, but it won't justify it.

I make a lot of typos.

Everything I say is gender neutral (e.g. dude, bro, girlie) but I will always use your preferred pronouns and be as affirming for you as possible. It's also all platonic (unless you're Erin).

Pretty much entirely SFW. I don't often reblog things that are NSFW (depending on your definition of NSFW, I might never have), but if I think something is even slightly inappropriate or triggering, I will tag it <3

My tags, that I will try to use:

Original posts: jasper did a thing

Reblogs: jasper saw a thing

Conversational reblogs: jasper is doing the speech

Asks: jasper spreads their limited wisdom

Being romantic with my partner: channel simp

Interests, fandoms and ships

Stuff I like: Nature (yes! all of it... except most molluscs), music, being whimsical, understanding the world around me, being gay (and doing crimes), making other people feel happy, my dog and two rabbits, being creative, dinosaurs, geology, going exploring anywhere, big long walks, my partner, i-will-add-to-this-list-when-i-can-think-of-stuff

My ships include, but are NOT limited to, Ineffable Spouses (Good Omens), Sidlink (TOTK/BOTW), Johnlock (BBC Sherlock) and BlackBonnet (OFMD), Lumity (TOH), Raeda (TOH), a bunch of other TOH ships, etc

Media I might post about (or media that I like. I don't always see some of these) includes, but are not limited to, Legend of Zelda (specifically TOTK, BOTW and Skyward Sword), Good Omens, Our Flag Means Death, Jurassic Park/World, the Hunger Games and the Owl House, the Lord of the Rings, Gravity Falls, She-Ra, Brooklyn 99, the Good Place, Heartstopper, Doctor Who, What We Do In The Shadows, Portal, Delicious in Dungeon, Green Day

I don't always post a huge amount of some of these fandoms/ships/medias, so if you plan on following me for them, maybe just have a snoop around my account for a bit first. You might find that I hardly ever interact with the content. Maybe if you prompt me to I will.

On this blog you can expect posts/reblogs about the fandoms in, memes, shitposts, the (very occasional) vent post, and just a friendly face to chat to. I love asks! I'm always happy to receive one (PLEASE send me asks I'm lonely).

Mutuals

I will add your username to a Google Sheets, where I list whether or not I can tag you in certain things. If you haven't checked it out already, please respond to this post, mutuals! It's purely for your benefit! I will try and update the document every time I get a new mutual but I don't always remember.

Side blogs of my mutuals that I am listing to help get them more interactions: @a-poetic-apollo-kid (role-play blog for their OC, Asher, based on the Percy Jackson franchise), @the-forgotten-apollo-kid (role-play blog for Lee Fletcher, Percy Jackson franchise), @all-time-alt-country-singer (role-play blog for Naomi Solace, Percy Jackson franchise), @cabin7-chaos (ask blog for Apollo's cabin from the Percy Jackson franchise)

I hope I can add some more amazing tumblrinas to that list! The community here is delightful <33

[domesticated-whores]

hello, I've decided to do a thing that no one asked for, solely for myself. and that is heavily over-analyzing random bullshit about myself. starting with

over-analyzing the fuck out of my gender

get ready for so much useless information about the inner-workings of how I identify... longish post.

I think a lot (if not most) nonbinary/genderqueer people have a simplified gender that they publicly identify as and a different, more complex gender that they identify as internally or in queer-specific spaces.

I'm pretty open in general about being genderqueer. I don't really identify as nonbinary, it isn't my preferred term for what I am, but since I understand that it's a more common term that most people outside of queer spaces know at least at a surface level I'll use it sometimes. I don't usually get any deeper than that. I'll tolerate she/her pronouns (I'm afab and generally feminine, and I'm incredibly aware of that), if asked for my pronouns (rare, I'm very feminine presenting) then I'll say "I'm cool with anything, slight preference on they/them" because that's a lie, but it's simple and I don't care quite enough to fight anyone on it. I was out as he/him transmasc for a little while before it got to be not worth it to explain presentation =/= gender or trying to look uncomfortably masc in order to be taken seriously, so there are still people that use he/him pronouns for me irl which is nice, but I don't get *enough* dysphoria from being misgendered to try to get others to use them.

But I do have some specific shit for my gender, also. I've been studying the hell out of this shit for maybe 10 years. I'm autistic as fuck, I like researching and labeling and categorizing things, so I put a lot of thought and reflection into my gender and I really have no place to share it because no one really cares to have me deep-dive into the details for them.

First and foremost, I'm cassgender. In case you don't know what that is, it's when someone feels indifferent to their gender or generally feels it's unimportant. Different from something like agender because cassgender people still can *have* other gender identities, it isn't lack of gender identity, it's just that there isn't a super strong connection to it.

To me, I don't care if I'm misgendered really at all. I do have a preference on how I'm referred to, I do have a gender, but I also don't really think it matters in the grand scheme of things. If it's more convenient to me, I have zero issues pretending to be a cis woman. Am I? No. But I don't think much would really be different if I was, so I don't see why it really matters. I personally use almost all "gendered" words in a gender-neutral way (unless someone tells me they're uncomfy with it, where I still see the words themselves as gn but respect people enough not to use it for them), I understand gendered connotations but genuinely fail to see how they matter. Again, full respect that they matter to most people, but I personally don't see it so I won't act like I do.

Even when I did care more about my gender identity and being out publicly, it wasn't because of strong attachment to my gender. It was more of a sense of "I researched for so many hours finding the right labels, I'm going to use them openly dammit!!"

I'm also a transmasc femboy. I use he/him pronouns for myself and generally prefer those (though, again, I'm cool with any), but I'll use almost any gendered terms for myself interchangeably/by situation. For example, I tend to prefer feminine familial terms (I'm my cats' momma, I'd be an aunt if my brother had kids in the future, etc.) while I usually opt for more masculine basic terms (man rather than woman, masc pronouns, boyfriend if I'm in a relationship, etc.) and alternating on terms of endearment or authority (god/goddess, sir/ma'am, daddy/mommy, prince/princess, king/queen, etc.). If it's in lighthearted/meme terms, anything flies (girlie, "I'm just a girl," feminine urge, "girls don't want men, they want--" etc. isn't misgendering because it's silly and fun).

I'm afab, feminine as hell, and not really looking to transition medically at all, so I don't at all mind feminine shit because, uh, obviously. I wear dresses and eyeliner sometimes and have long hair and a petite, slight hourglass body and all that shit. My regular outfit is leggings and a crop top, it's a very titties out look tbh. I don't bind (use to, might start experimenting with it again when it gets colder but I can't with the tops I like for warm weather and I don't like using tape) or anything. If I could magically look more physically androgynous in the ways that I want, that'd be sick as hell, but I can't so I don't mind my body that much. I was on t for maybe 3-4 months and I got some minimal bottom growth and slight voice changing, but I was getting too many changes that I didn't really fuck with for my preferred brand of androgyny and a lot of things I wanted t didn't help, so I stopped. Like, if I could get free and easy top surgery or a reduction and somehow grow 4-6 inches in height that would be splendid, but one of those is too expensive to justify how mild my discomfort is and the other is literally impossible so I can live with what I have.

I also really think drag would be cool as hell for gender reasons, but unfortunately I'm something of a broke bitch and even being thrifty with it is out of my budget at the moment. Which is fine, I keep it on a back burner in case I have money to invest into a new thing that I might get burnt out on before it's even worth what I spent. I'm just not touching that when I'm struggling to do anything beyond pay rent and feed my cats. But it's certainly a gender thing that I put a lot of thought into.

I don't know. Again, I'm cassgender so I don't really care heavily about any of this, I'm just an overthinker so I know it because of that. It was just information sitting in my brain that I didn't know what to do with, so I'm dumping it here. I mostly want to deep-dive into my sexuality and romantic orientation, I just had to post this first because it is really connected to gender things. I have an essay-worth to say on my sexuality because I actually care a lot about that shit and I'm just at the end (I believe?) of still figuring it out, while I was pretty sure on my gender for a while and just had to settle on accurate labels for it mostly.

[find-your-queery]

hey so i usually use the label bisexual for convenience (most people understand what that means), but i don't actually have a label i use for myself! idk if i want to use a more specific label, but it'd be nice to know if there is one out there!

so i'm transmasc but my attraction to women feels incredibly sapphic if that makes sense? i used to identify as lesbian before i transitioned, however i have realized i am also attracted to men. i have heard of mspec lesbian labels and i would totally use that if i was a woman, but since i'm a man i don't know if that would really fit? and this without even getting into my gender (might ask about that in a separate ask) but in simple terms i'm a genderqueer femboy

anyways basically my ask is if there's mspec sapphic identities that can apply to non-women aligned folks?

Hi there! This answer starts a bit different from the previous queeries so that I can say that it's totally fine to still identify as an mspec lesbian even after transitioning! I've seen a few trans men fit this criteria, and it's totally fine and valid if you feel it still fits you!

That being said, the terms I can best associate with your queery are Gyne/Womasexual, Omnisexual and Polysexual!

Gynesexual or Womasexual people feel attracted to women, females, and femininity! This term can be used without specifying one's gender! (The man, male, and masculinity equivalent of this is Androsexual/Masexual)

-reources used: lgbtqia.fandom

Omnisexual people feel attraction to all genders, but gender still plays a role in the attraction. This may show as either a preference for a certain gender, recognition, or different attraction for certain genders. Though it can be compared to Pansexual, the main difference is the recognition of gender involved in the feelings of attraction for Omnisexual people, whereas Pansexual is attraction regardless of gender.

Polysexual people are also similar to Omnisexual people, though the difference being that a Polysexual person may not be attracted to all genders, while an Omnisexual person is. Again, gender still plays a role in this orientation!

- - -

If you disagree with this answer and/or think there is a better label/term that fits the inQueery, that's okay! Kindly let us know so we can learn together!

[your-bigender-big-brother]

hi so I’m very confused do u have any advice or terms u could give me? :(. sometimes I feel like a binary guy but then sometimes I feel abinary. maybe it’s fluid or maybe it’s flux.. when I say I feel fluid that feels right but also wrong.. and same when I say flux. both at the same time maybe but the intensity of which I feel varies. sometimes I maybe feel kinda like a (nby) girl but idk so let’s not touch on that. most hyper specific terms I don’t like using. they don’t feel right even if the definitions fit. and I don’t like most of the names. I like genderqueer, xenogender, abinary, nby, and guy. however. these are too vague. I want my abinaryness and binary guyness to be highlighted. I don’t want what genders I am to be up for interpretation. When I say I’m abinary I don’t want to feel less of a guy (although I also DO bc I feel abinary!! but I don’t want my guyness to be forgotten and seen as lesser). but when I id as a guy I don’t want my abinarynes to be forgotten either. genderflux probably fits but it’s vague. “abinary guy” makes me worry ppl will see my guyness as lesser bc abinary is in the front of it. xenogender I love and want to use as a stand-alone term in a way equivalent to abinary and being outside of human understanding. But it’s never understood as a stand-alone term so I feel like I can’t and will be misunderstood. like if I say “genderqueer xenogender guy” I will be seen as a binary guy that user xenogenderS but that’s not what I want. I don’t want to be unlabeled either. I really want a label that sounds good, looks good, isn’t extremely uncommon and specific, but also is specific. I’m very contradictory. but I can’t help what feels right and wrong on me. so I’m not sure what to do and what label to use. any help?

There are a lot of labels that can somewhat fit this, but I think I might make this simple: Try neoboy. See how you feel about that one and go from there.

Gender will always be very complicated and when we don't have a word that can encompass every aspect of our genders, the best thing we can do is find just one word that can be summed up. People will ask what "neoboy" is. You can simply say that it means you're a boy, but your experience with boyhood is complex. People may either leave it at that or ask further questions. Have a label for yourself that sparks questions, then you have a reason to lay out all the details about being abinary, xenogender, genderfluid, genderqueer, etc.

I hope you find something that works for you! - 💙💚

[an-inkling-of-life]

Entry 05: November 13, 2022

Why the heck not? The flags are listed by order by the way.

Progress Pride

The two versions of the progress flag had been subject to scrutiny due to people thinking that these designs look cluttered. Frankly, I agree, BUT I began to prefer them over the plain rainbow flag due to the type of infighting I have seen in the community.

I've seen so many transphobes and anti-intersex rhetoric even amongst other LGBT+, so I think the progress flags communicate my stance better.

Agender, Neutrois, Abinary, Nonbinary, Genderqueer, Xenogender (specifically Monstergender & Eldrigender), Agirl

I primarily refer to myself as agender/genderless due to this being the most accurate simplified sum of my gender identity; however, beyond the lack, how my genderlessness feels specifically is more complex.

The neutrois identity pretty much describes how I feel neutral towards my lack of gender. Neutrality and nonexistence pretty much blur to me. Being an abinary nonbinary emphasizes how my gender identity isn't strictly male or female and how it isn't within the spectrum between male and female at all. Genderqueer appears to be a much older term that's very similar to nonbinary, but I understand why not everyone may desire to use it, because of having a slur in its name. I personally love reclaiming slurs, so this descriptor is something I fully identify with.

I also consider myself as xenogender and xenic-aligned. In its most metaphorical sense, I experience my genderless identity in a way that makes me feel like my human body is only a vessel or form that's like clothing rather than something innately me. Gender envy manifests as wanting the ability to shapeshift. Gender euphoria comes when I represent myself as a monster. It's everchanging in shape and desired expression, but the sense of gender is continuously absent still. I don't think people will understand what bodily forms I actually want access to and how I view my living body. Basically, the absence of my gender is replaced by a sense of inhumanity (monstergender), and I can never really know why so and maybe fully understanding it is impossible and headache inducing (eldrigender) seeing as how I can relate so many words to a simple sense of nothing.

For now, I have the body of a woman. I don't hate this body. It just feels like one of many forms. I like expressing femininity but still feel heavily disconnected to womanhood but indifferent to it most of the time. Having a perceived manhood makes me feel heavily dysphoric. I suppose this makes me an agirl.

That said, just because I'm an agirl doesn't mean I will tolerate being maliciously misgendered. My indifference comes from disconnect, a laziness to explain my identity in most circumstances, knowing that not everyone I meet knows who I am, and seeing words as gender expression rather than actually gendered depending on the context of use. I am feminine and not a woman. Transphobes better not play dumb, because context can be observed, and I will know if you impose me as the latter rather than as the former.

Femininity and womanhood are not the same. Femboys/Rosboys are still men even when they are feminine. My femininity doesn't stop me from being agender.

Aspec Bisexual/Biflux (Demiromantic Graysexual)

I think the funniest part about my sexual and romantic orientation is that I actually debated with myself, going back and forth with identifying as bisexual and aromantic asexual. It turns out that both are technically correct terms as I'm in the aroace spectrum. 99% of the time, I am aroace, but slightly more so on the aro part. I don't really recall feeling romantic attraction towards someone other than my current boyfriend. He's my first genuine crush and I was 18 by that time. I never felt the same for anyone before or after and I'm 20 now. He's also the only person other than my mother that I feel immense emotional attachment to. As for sexual attraction, I have very rare but insignificantly weak ones where I don't recall the specifics. I guess that makes me demiromantic graysexual. The bisexual/biflux end is that in the very rare occasion that I do feel sexual attraction, my preferences tend to fluctuate.

Ambiamorous

I can feel happy in both monogamous and polyamorous arrangements. Although, I may appear functionally monogamous to some due to my very rare interest in others. I do have to say that I feel a lot more comfortable with dating a polyamorous person. I just saw too many people sucking at monogamy that I'd rather my partner tell me they date multiple people than lie to me about being "the only one" and then cheat on me.

[independentzaun]

Where do you fall under the queer umbrella? Just curious!

Alright so first let me say I’m not mad at you, or think you are a bad person for asking this question or anything else like that. However I am about to go on a rant despite the fact I woke up with my shoulder hurting because this is important to me.

I am going to leave aside the fact I still don’t understand the current trend of “make your personal details public, and privacy is dead so you can prove you belong” because I got onto the internet during a time when A/S/L was still a thing, and you didn’t share things easily. People please stop making it easy for others to stalk, dox, manipulate, or in short use your information to harm you. Now with all of that said.

There are many reasons I like the term “queer”, but the most pertinent one as of right here and now is that to be blunt it tells a stranger all they need to know. Since the person who sent this in sent it on Anon I can only approach this as though it’s from a stranger. Me calling myself simply “queer” makes certain things (to me) obvious. I don’t fit within Heteronormativity, the end. Maybe I’m bisexual, maybe I’m ace, maybe lesbian. Maybe I’m a transwoman, maybe I’m genderqueer, maybe I’m agender. Since I’m deliberately using the term “queer” there’s a good chance I’m a mix of different things. Queer, to me, rejects this growing attempt to have everyone placed into neat little boxes at all times so strangers can figure out exactly how to treat someone instead of acknowledging the simple fact that life is messy. When I call myself queer and someone who for all intents and purposes approaches me as a stranger to ask me for more information that doesn’t read to me as someone that wants to know more about me to be friendly. That reads to me as someone who has read my deliberate effort to be inclusive, to stay out of boxes, to let people know I’m not heteronormative but that I don’t feel like offering a lot of information up… and has decided to ask me for all intents and purposes what box to put me into. I don’t know who this person is and they have asked me to label myself beyond the point I’ve already established.

Let me ask this. Why does it matter? Why does someone feel the need not just to ask for all intents and purposes “where I fit”, but to ask that on anon as a stranger? Where do I fit? Not inside the cis straight boxed normalized world where people like to pretend everyone can be precisely categorized.My statement that I’m queer is a statement I don’t fit, and that a stranger doesn’t need to know anything more. Also allow me to make something clear. I’ve been here on this hellscape of a website long enough to see people harassed off of it because they were asexual. I’ve seen the rounds of biphobia. I’ve seen the bullshit TERF rhetoric. I’ve seen all of it. I’ve seen the effort for people to be “nice and proper and safe in a box” turned into a weapon. I know how much sharing private details can end up hurting a person. So when I say bluntly and openly “I am queer” why exactly do I almost immediately afterwards get someone requesting I offer more details?

Why. Does. It. Matter? Why does someone approaching as a stranger feel the need to place me in a box? Why does “just curious” give anyone any right at all to any information about someone else? I’m queer. That’s all people need to know.

Also let me be clear about something. There’s nothing wrong with figuring out your own identity and finding comfortable boxes you feel safe in, and learning more about yourself and those boxes. That however doesn’t mean you can’t keep those boxes safe within a much larger box.

Now with all of that said I’m about to shock you with some personal details.

I am a Transfeminine person who uses she/her/they/them pronouns who is transitioning, and is butch. Yes Butch trans women can be a thing. My sexuality is complicated in that I am into women, and people that to be blunt, fuck with gender. There are some nonbinary transmasc people or Transfeminine or just people that said fuck gender, and others whose identities I absolutely respect and that I also happen to be attracted to as an example. So I’m into women, and people that mess with gender to make themselves who and how they feel they really are and should be. For a while I thought I’d call myself a lesbian, but I realized that could be insulting to some people I happened to be attracted to so I personally decided not to use that label. Also I’m demiromantic which is generally considered to fall under the aromantic spectrum.

So another reason I call myself queer is because I cannot possibly be bothered to explain all of that on anything even remotely considered a “regular basis” to anyone at all.

So where do I fall under the umbrella? Oh sweet heart. I’m queer. The end.

[northwest-cryptid]

it feels wierd to say but would you say it counts if I use different pronouns depending on what level of familiarity I have with someone? it's probably due to a lack of wanting to share too much, but just.

they/them for "I ain't telling you shit"

I want to preface all of this by saying that I'm by no means a voice of authority or anything so like, my opinions on this are not some kind of binding contract of "yes this is exactly how it should be" I'm just a person with my own experiences and my thoughts are my own. However I was literally having this conversation earlier today so I think this is actually a great time to share.

So short answer, yea that counts 100%

Long answer, I have gone on a wild journey with gender and the idea of gender as a whole. What it boils down to for me is that I constantly go between saying I'm NB/Genderfluid/Genderqueer because I honestly don't like labels for it. I am comfortable with almost any label but I think the labels are more for external interpretation than internal personification.

What I mean by that in like, really simple basic terms is that to say I am more masc or fem or whatever would be kind of nonsense to me. I am me, at the end of the day that's all there is to it. However I ALWAYS tell people to use They/Them for me when I don't know them yet and the biggest reason for that is that I am amab.

Years ago when I first started questioning my gender identity is was because I spent a lot of time on tumblr and saw a lot of hate towards "men" in general. I was basically told men are abusive, men are controlling, men are overly sexual and view women as exclusively objects for consumption. Any time I would speak up and kinda say "hey I am SURE there ARE men like that but... I'm not like that so what does that mean?" I'd get thrown in with every "not all men" person on the internet and told I'm in the wrong.

So I started to reflect on that, I began to think I must be a MtF because I wasn't what everyone was saying a "man" was and no one was willing to talk to me about it. I knew good men, I thought I was a good man; but I was told every chance I had that good men don't exist and that good men were secretly bad men.

So I hard pivoted to being trans, literally forced myself to become trans at one point because I REFUSED to be considered "a man" and that's when I realized I didn't care about being woman, I didn't care about being a fucking man. What good is gender? What does it mean? What's the point?!

It was around that time that I organically and naturally landed on the identity I have to this day, I am me; for better or worse whatever that means. Gender has so little to do with me it's not worth talking about. However, how do pronouns work then? Well I sort of think of it like this.

if my cis amab / transmasc friends call me he/him I'm like "oh shit I'm doing it, I'm presenting masc today :D"

if my cis afam / transfem friends call me she/her I'm like "oh shit I'm doing it, I'm presenting fem today :D"

HOWEVER

If my cis afab friends call me he/him I have a minor panic attack where I'm just like "OH SHIT, I'M PRESENTING MASC?!"

UNLESS I happen to know that individual doesn't have negative views of men.

Now I know where I'm saying this and all, but try to understand.

Most cis women I know have a distaste for men as a whole, even if they mean "men who aren't you" I don't even identify as a man exclusively or anything, but it feels like they're identifying me as a man, and identifying men as a bad thing.

So when someone he/him's me and I don't know how they feel towards men generally speaking; or worse if I DO. It sort of sets me off in a weird way. what I'm saying is that the way I see the most commonly talked about relationships between cis men and women absolutely comes down to "Women are victims of men, men are vile evil creatures." This is obviously not my personal view, I'm saying I literally see it discussed this way a lot.

Gender identity doesn't matter to me as much as how I'm perceived by my friends and others matters to me. If I'm told by this person that "all men are vile creatures who are the scum of the earth and don't deserve to breath the same oxygen as me" and then I'm "He/Him'd" by that person, I immediately know/feel like I know how they view me.

Which honestly is why I dislike when people I've only just met tend to exclusively use He/Him if I've told them I prefer to go by They/Them with people I don't know. Because it tells me how they see/view me.

At the end of the day, I don't mind if someone uses he/him she/her or they/them for me.

That being said I will always tell people I use They/Them pronouns, especially with people I don't know yet.

The tl;dr is: if I count myself as a They/Them when I am also okay with She/He pronouns, then I think anyone who uses They/Them pronouns in any capacity should "count" if that makes sense.

Hopefully that makes sense.

[quiet-in-the-wild]

I guess I get introspective when I have insomnia

I am really interested in exploring my gender. I feel like so much of what I felt I either suppressed or overcompensated for.

When I came first out I identified as queer. I told one my friends and she asked innocently if I was also genderqueer or trans. And that shoved me so far back into the closet in terms of my gender. She definitely didn’t mean any harm. It was like I got a glimpse of something that I was avoiding in myself - and I panicked

I was only queer for a few days. Then I identified as a lesbian. I pushed hard into that identity but it was hollow. But I could hear myself saying things I knew I didn’t 100% agree with. I feel like fear was a motivator. I made my whole life about women. I was a lesbian woman married to a woman. I studied women artists & feminist art.

Which none of those things are bad or wrong. It just was false for me. It was an act.

For a while I was very strongly anti-man. It was such an overcompensation. Looking back I want to shake myself and be like who were you performing for. This isn’t you. But I felt like I had to defiantly prove how much of a woman I was. I loved women and hated men. Because I didn’t want to admit something to myself

I don’t hate men. Actually upon reflection I identify at times as a gay man. There is no way around it. I can’t hide from it anymore. I can’t ignore that part of me. It’s just as much a part of me as anything else.

Even now there is some fear or at the very least hesitation. Fear of being made fun of or told that I’m looking for attention. Fear that there it’s too complicated to explain- how can someone who looks like me be a gay man.

Its complicated but it’s also simple. That’s what the beauty of gender fluidity is to me. I am who I am.

Does this change anything. No not really. But also yes. I’m married to my absolute best friend. She’s my whole world & the most important person to me and always will be. So it changes absolutely nothing. But yes it changes so much because I’m accepting myself as I am. I’m not performing, hiding, denying, overcompensating. I’m letting myself feel the feelings I have & appreciating them for what they are.

I literally want to cry because of the vulnerability but also the relief. This is definitely something that I’ve tried to keep hidden.

It would show itself though. In my love of drag. My love of gay characters & romances. My affinity towards gay men.

I feel proud that I’m finally able to name it. That I’m able to embrace all parts of my gender fluidity without fear.

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

hiii

i wanted to ask your opinion about a thought i had released to Harry's gender and bc you are the one person who I've seen analyzes lyrics and a lot of the time on a gender queer lense and also are genderqueer yourself i thought you might help answer my question as a simple cis person.

the other day i was on Twitter and i saw a video of beautiful prince hair harry singing and dancing to steal my girl and the caption was something like “i would also write songs about her” or something like that and then my brain thought:

would it be possible that hearing all the songs Louis was writing about him but with she/her pronouns helped harry in a way to realize or accept the fact that he maybe liked being referred to that way?

idk I've always assumed that it was most posible that it was around that time when harry started to question more his gender expression and identity, when he started expressing himself a bit more with clothes and even sometimes wearing nail polish...

i hope I'm not being disrespectful, like i said, I'm cis so i have no idea but i just liked the thought that something that could've hurt him like having to hear the songs that were written for him changed to fit the closet they are in, ended up actually somehow helping him coming to terms with another part of himself he was just finding

hey!! you're not disrespectful at all, i actually love this question, bc it's 100% something ive thought too!

it's clear from back then that harry loves the songs written about him, especially steal my girl. it must have been something that was growing and they were discovering, and i do think it must have been a push and pull in terms of emotions around pronouns in songs!! it could have been a bit of a joke at first, to write so explicitly about a girl - basically making fun of their own discography then - but then harry clearly loved it. he adores that song and revels in the fact that it was written about him, and not in a "haha this is a joke" kind of way, but really in a "i am the girl!! it's me!!!" kinda way. i do think louis picked up on that way before harry even knew what it meant, hell, even way before louis knew what it meant. so he wrote his possessive anthem to the long-term love of his live, his cute little princess. and that freedom to play with those pronouns, that femininity, even if it was under the guise of keeping the boyband as straight as possible, must have been an enormously powerful gift for harry. it probably made it a lot easier for him to recognize the positive emotions he had around gender!!

[1800queeragenda]

“Children Won’t Understand”

I really need to talk about something that happened to me this morning, and I figured that this story might touch a few other queer individuals out there.

So I was getting my haircut with my grandma, and she was watching over one of her great-granddaughters, AKA one of my cousins. The hairstylist was trimming my hair, and she was complimenting how short it was and how it framed my face better, that kind of thing.

Because of this, I mentioned that I liked the hair because it made me look and feel more masculine/boyish, and she chuckled out a “nooooo!” like she figured I had to be joking. I said I wasn’t, and when she asked why, I answered “I’m Genderqueer!” I wasn’t offended or anything. She was around my grandma’s age so y’know, I expected her to react like that at first.

For me, Genderqueer is a label I use to describe the very complicated feelings I have with my gender identity. A lot of times I can barely understand myself and my very emotions due to my mental illnesses. My identity feels like it very vaguely fluctuates between “femboy softchild” to “Ah yes, gurl” to “brrrrrrrrrrrrrr” to “everyone who likes me is gay.”

I don’t feel comfortable identifying as genderfluid or multigender or any mono-gender because most feel limiting for me in some way, and I’d identify with a micro-label but it’s hard to get pride-merch for the ones that I feel fit me the most. I started identifying as genderqueer because it’s a very wide umbrella term that describes both nonbinary genders and gender-non-conforming men and women. It’s also a political identity, and I’m all for tearing down gender-norms and making queerphobic cishets cry.

To simplify all this, genderqueer for me basically means “I have no idea what I am at this point, but I’m probably not completely cis. I am a deity and I reject your binary labels.” This part of my identity is a lot more established and a lot more important to me.

So imagine how I felt when my grandma looked at me and said, “Let’s not talk about that in front of the child.”

“Why? It’s not a bad word or anything.”

“I know, but children won’t understand it.”

Children won’t understand it?

Children aren’t nearly as stupid as adults think they are, and explaining identities other than “male” or “female” in a simple manner is not nearly as impossible either. You want to know how I would have explained to my cousin my identity? “You know how some people are boys and some people are girls? Well, some people can be both and some people can be neither. That’s what being genderqueer and/or nonbinary is!”

You don’t need to perfectly explain what being nonbinary is to a child. That simplified explanation will suffice until they grow older. To avoid the discussion of nonbinary genders in front of a child is just being queerphobic, plain and simple.

I love my grandma, I do, but what she said really, really hurt my feelings. I have a pride flag hung up in my room; she helped me hang it up actually. She’s also seen my genderqueer flag. She knows I bind sometimes. She has never really said or done anything like the incident above until now.

I want to talk to her about it but I’m too nervous to do so. I stayed quiet after that brief conversation. I got to vent to a co-worker of mine so I feel a bit better now, but at the moment, it still stings. I’m also worried for my cousin, she was right there when my grandma said that.

[therianimal]

On Constructs and Models

In my opinion, none of our alterhuman narratives are some kind of Universal Truth. Neither is the Western transgender narrative, or the inclusive plurality narrative, or the exact categories used to define mental illness. All of these things are constructs, models, and tools. They are ways of viewing ourselves and the world, and can be extremely helpful in doing so. These ideas are based in meaningful experiences and legitimate psychology, but it would be possible to create different labels and models based on the same information. I don't think there's any model that could perfectly describe the experiences of every single person on Earth. Some models are more inclusive and supportive than others (for instance the "gender is a spectrum" mindset vs. the traditional gender binary), but none are perfect. We all craft boxes, words and stories to help our existences make sense, and the fact that these ideas are socially constructed does not make them illegitimate or “fake”.

In my opinion what this arbitrariness does mean is that people should be allowed to define themselves as they see fit, even if their definitions fall outside of the typical community models (which include concepts like species identity, kintype vs.heart-type, shifting, and voluntary vs. involuntary). We should acknowledge the choice that individuals have to adopt or reject labels, or to choose between them when there's ambiguity. Using labels like "otherkin" and "therian" is optional, using the "I was born this way" contruct is optional, defining one's traumatic plurality through the medical lens is optional. These models change over time - the way therianthropy is processed today is different from how "weres" viewed themselves a few decades ago. And if someone wanted to define themself based on the old “were” narrative, I see no problem with that.

We don't need to compromise the models themselves - aside from gradual organic changes definitions can be maintained. But when it comes down to an individual, I support freedom and choice. I didn't choose to be multiple nonhuman species, but I can choose to prefer simple terms like "nonhuman" over "polytherian". If someone has experiences that fit within both the nonbinary and genderqueer labels, but they choose to only call themself genderqueer, I'm not going to contradict them. Self-definition is something that belongs to us as individuals, and it's Power. No one can tell me based on their own experiences that I must be *factually* [insert label], because none of this has a universal or factual basis. We have a common language because the models we have make sense for most of us and allow for community and communication. But I have no right to push the way I define MY experiences on to someone with similar experiences (ex. "I define my attraction to men, women, and nonbinary people as bisexual rather than pan, so you need to do the same!").

Generally questions like "Are people who have voluntary experiences still otherkin?" are answered as if the concept of "otherkin" is a physical, provable truth. If anything, the more accurate question is "Should people with these experiences be included within the otherkin model, or should a separate model be created?" So many people subconsciously believe that a therian is *objectively* a therian in some material way, that there is a mythical Essential Truth that sets our experiences and internal realities in stone. And unfortunately some of these people belief THEY are the arbiters of that truth, a belief that is the very foundation of gatekeeping.

Due to my philosophy on social constructs I am very much a "live and let live" kind of person. If someone speaks for the whole community and says "otherkin is a coping mechanism" - then sure, I'll respectfully point out that that definition is not congruent with how the majority of otherkin define it. But if someone says "My kintype originated from coping, but my experiences are most similar to otherkin so I choose to use that label and spend my time in that community" I'll say "Sure, do what works for you. It’s none of my business, it's your life and I don't know you better than you know you". Some people will insist that someone is “actually” a therian or “actually” otherhearted, but ultimately I believe there is no “actually”. Only subjective experiences and the way we choose, collectively AND individually, to define them.

Ultimately, the models we make to describe our identities and experiences are incredibly valuable. They're worth gold, when it comes to the power they have to empower, validate, and bring us together. But treating them as fact and refusing to acknowledge their arbitrariness undermines the people whose experiences fall outside of them - and no matter how good a model is those people will always exist. The “fact” mindset ignores the power of choice that we have when it comes to self-definition, and the validity of exercising that choice in a unique or unexpected way. It also implies that anyone who is knowledgable about the basic models can know how what a stranger's identity "really is". And I will fight fang and claw against the idea that one person's identity is within the jurisdiction of anyone else.

[hellomynameisbisexual]

I’m writing today from a place of frustration and aggravation. I am writing because I am exhausted by having bisexual people be disregarded, ignored, and redefined. I believe we can do better to support and care for our bisexual community.

I was at a training recently coordinated by a national organization for educators about creating LGBTQIA+ inclusive school environments. While most of the training was helpful, the organizers shared definitions of terminology for use with elementary students. Among those was this definition of bisexual: People who love people of two genders.

THIS DEFINITION IS COMPLETELY WRONG AND IT IS HARMFUL TO BISEXUAL PEOPLE.

A simple and correct definition of bisexual is: People who love people of more than one gender. This definition aligns with community definitions from organizations including the Bisexual Resource Center, Bisexual Organizing Project, and BiNet USA. Why does the definition matter? My experience has been that there have been attempts to more narrowly define bisexual people.

Why did the incorrect definition make me so upset? I’ve been self-identifying as bisexual for over twenty years. I recognize my gender as genderqueer. The number of genders I acknowledge and have loved has never been something I’ve needed to restrict to any particular number for myself nor for acceptance in the bisexual community. The idea of there being a number of genders or a limit to my capacity to love within those genders is as nonsensical to me as proposing that there’s some number limit possible for how many or what kinds of cupcakes I might want to eat. Hearing and seeing that definition of bisexual left me feeling like my story, my community, and my life was being erased. I was very hurt that this incorrect and harmful definition clearly written without bisexual community input was being transmitted to elementary schools across the country.

It’s important to point out that there is nothing wrong with the pansexual identity or the definition of pansexual given at the training: People who love people of any gender. I radically support individuals making and choosing their own terms. I also recognize that the decision to self-identify as bisexual or pansexual is deeply personal, can be fluid, and may also be informed by a person’s race, class, gender, age, or where they live. This applies similarly to any of the other more than fifty identity labels that may be used by people who love others of more than one gender. I use the word bi+ for this big umbrella that includes bisexual, polysexual, omnisexual, and many more.

It’s also critical to acknowledge the commonalities of experience among bi+ people, using whatever personal identities fit them best. This matters in making policies and programs that support the needs of bi+ people. We need a larger understanding of who is in the bi+ community in order to effectively advocate for bi+ people.

According to MAP’s 2016 report on Bisexual people, Bi+ folks experience more erasure and invisibility than straight and homosexual peers. They are less likely to be “out.” Bi+ people in the MAP study, on average, reported poorer outcomes than those who are gay or lesbian. Of particular note, for example, is the very high rate of sexual violence experienced by bi+ girls and women. Bi+ community leaders point to bi+ erasure and harmful myths about bisexual people as contributing greatly to these poor outcomes.

To move forward, I urge accepting the many different labels that LGBTQIA+ individuals identify with regardless of how similar their definitions may sound. The purpose of these identities is, I believe, to create ever more possibilities for understanding ourselves and others. I urge community definitions and listening to those who identify with those terms. Let bisexual be defined by the bi+ community for our community!

Clark Hoelscher, Ph.D., they/them is an educator and community leader in St. Paul, Minnesota and a member of GLSEN’s Educator Advisory Committee.

[thebigqueer]

Solangelo - "Self-Discovery is Really Beautiful" - One-Shot

Summary: Nico asks Will about what it means to be nonbinary.

Word Count: 1380

IMPORTANT NOTE: I myself am cisgender, not nonbinary, so I am not trying to speak for the nonbinary community. I had two genderqueer friends read through this for me and they believed it looked fine to them, but again, I'm aware everyone's experiences are different. I strayed from trying to speak of Nico's experiences directly for the very reason that I would not be the best person to speak of them. Instead, I only tried to talk about their confusion with what nonbinary means. I would like to formally apologize beforehand if I've offended anyone, because that is not my intent. Happy Trans Day of Visibility!

Read on AO3

A warm breeze whispers past Will and Nico as they lay in the Strawberry Fields, bathing in the golden sunlight. Will’s fingers twirl around with various leaves and flowers in the hopes of making a flower crown, while Nico leans against him, running his fingers through the grass. Thoughts swirl in his mind, rocking his brain of all its beliefs.

Will looks over at him, concern threaded into his heart. He elbows Nico gently to get his attention. “Hey,” he says, “everything alright? You look like you’re thinking a lot.”

Nico offers a wavering smile. “At least one of us can think,” he says. But there’s a film over his eyes, like he’s lost in a different world.

Will rolls his eyes. “So funny.” He stops playing around with the flowers and looks Nico in the face. “What’s wrong?”

The son of Hades shakes his head. “No, it’s not anything bad. You don’t need to be worried or anything.”

Will pokes the side of his head gently, his fingertip lightly grazing against Nico’s temple. “Then what’s going on in that head of yours?”

Nico hesitates for a second. “What does nonbinary mean?”

Will blinks in surprise. He shifts in his seat so that his entire body faces Nico’s. “Why? Did you hear that somewhere?”

Nico’s shoulders rise and fall gracefully, flashing in the sunlight. “I just heard some of the younger campers say it.” Panic sparks in his eyes. “Why? Is it a bad word?”

Will laughs. “No, not at all. I was just curious.” He strokes his finger against the ground, thinking about all the ways to answer the question. Nico watches him curiously.

Will begins, “Well, I guess the best way to put it… So you know how there are boys and girls?” When Nico nods in agreement, he pushes further. “Yeah, so a lot of people call themselves boys and girls. But there are some people who don’t exactly fit with either. They’re called nonbinary because they don’t exactly fit with that ‘binary,’ if that makes sense.”

Surprise sweeps over Nico’s features; his eyebrows jump and confusion sparks in his eyes. “Wait, there are more than two genders? But… I mean, like, aren’t we all just born with two? Like, our sex?”

Will smiles. “Well, that’s your sex. But sex and gender don’t have to be the same. And, besides, there are some people who don’t even neatly fall into one sex; some of them are born with characteristics from both.”

Nico tilts his head. “So you’re saying that, like, the sex I was born with… doesn’t have to mean I am a boy?”

Will shakes his head. “Nope. It can, though. If your gender aligns with your sex, then that means you’re cisgender.”

Nico nods. “Okay. But also, like… can you talk about nonbinary again? What exactly does it mean?”

“Well, like I said, there are some people who don’t really identify with either boy or girl,” says Will. “Some people identify as both; some people are in the middle; some just don’t identify as either of those. Gender in general is just a spectrum. There is a lot more than just girl and boy. Nonbinary itself is kinda like an umbrella term, but it’s also a term that lots of people identify as. Overall it also fits into the trans umbrella, but it really just depends on how people view the labels.” Will shrugs. “In the end it’s just up to the person.”

Nico’s eyes glaze over as he processes this information. Behind his eyes, Will sees the gears turning in his head, creaking as they take Will’s words and try to comprehend the meaning. Silence falls between them for a few moments.

“Okay,” Nico says quietly. “I think I might understand. But what pronouns do nonbinary people use if they don’t entirely fit as boy or girl?”

Will leans back on his arms, soaking in the last drops of sunlight as it starts to set over the camp. “Well, the simple answer to that is many of them use ‘they’ and ‘them’ pronouns.” He opens his hands in a placating gesture. “But not all of them do. The thing is that pronouns don’t always have to equal gender. Like, we use she-her pronouns for girls and he-him for guys, right?” When Nico gives his nod of understanding, Will continues. “I think most common is that people who are nonbinary use they-them pronouns, but that’s just an overgeneralization. I think something you need to know is that pronouns are more of a reference to someone rather than something that indicates their identity. Pronouns don’t have to equate to gender. They can, but the point of pronouns is to call to someone, not to tell their gender, if that makes sense.”

Nico nods his head slowly. “I think so.”

“So, like I said, a lot of nonbinary people use they-them pronouns. But not all of them. Pronouns can change for everyone. Some girls use he-him pronouns; some guys can use they-them. Lots of nonbinary people can use she-her, he-him, whatever.” Will brushes his hand against his jeans nervously; he wants to make sure that he’s offering Nico the most informative words. “But, also, there are things called ‘neopronouns.’ They’re pronouns, too, but they’re especially not indicative of gender. They kind of fall out of gender-association in a language. Like, one example is ze-zir-zirself. ‘Ze’ is a pronoun.” Will shrugs. “And I think it’s important to note that you can use more than one pronoun. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that it doesn’t matter what kind of pronouns someone uses; you can’t ever tell someone’s gender until they tell you, basically. Like, pronouns can indicate it, but you may be wrong.”

Nico falls silent for a few moments, once again taking the time to soak up the information. Will waits patiently, eyes narrowed in Nico’s direction. When the child of Hades still says nothing, he adds, “You know, we can also hit up the library or the computer in the Big House if you want to learn more. There’s a lot more stuff to learn; I just gave you a brief explanation.”

Nico nods, a dazed expression on his face. His mind reels under all the words, all the phrases, all the information. There’s a click in his chest, and for the first time in a long while, Nico feels like he’s been seen and heard.

Will leans in. “What are you thinking?”

Nico looks up. “I… I think that made sense. I could use the research though.”

The son of Apollo smiles. “We can go right now.”

Nico nods. “Okay. But, also… Will, I…” There’s an anxious buzz in his chest. He takes a deep breath. “Would you mind using they-them for me? I mean, he-him still works, but… I think that made a lot of sense. Like, I’m still a little confused, but I feel like… a little more light, I guess? I feel like something’s clicked in.”

A bright grin flashes across Will’s mouth, painted golden in the sunlight. “Yeah, of course! Do you want me to use them interchangeably? Like ‘This is my boyfriend, Nico, and he’s so pretty and amazing, and they’re also emo’?”

Nico nods. “Yeah, that seems fine. But… Actually, don’t say ‘boyfriend’. Just ‘partner’.”

Will threads his fingers into Nico’s, pouring his warmth into the child of Hades’ skin. “Sure.” He starts to lift himself up, but there’s a tug in his chest, an urgency. He wants to tell Nico something.

Will leans closer to Nico and wraps his arms around them. Nico flinches in surprise, but soon his own limbs circle around Will in a warm embrace.

“I just want to let you know that I’m happy for you,” Will whispers. “I know that discovering new things about yourself can be scary sometimes, or overwhelming. It’s just a lot to handle sometimes, and it can be really confusing. But I want you to know that you have me, and Kayla and Austin and Lou Ellen and Cecil and Chiara all your friends here to help you, if you need it. You can always ask us for help.” Will leans away and brushes his thumb over Nico’s face. Smiling, he adds, “Self-discover is really beautiful.”

[transratsactivist]

i don't know how to communicate to people that my gender really has absolutely nothing to do with the genders man and woman but for two different reasons i will still use the language associated with men and women:

a) it's fun to take all these words that mean things and twist them into something delightfully genderqueer. i am a simple man. i am an eldest daughter. i am a lady of a man and a gentleman of a woman. i am that bitch. i'm a boygirl and a girlboy. i am effeminate and i am butch.

b) less fun, but i live in a world of people who project maleness or femaleness onto me all the time and sometimes i need to use words to decribe how that affects my life.

i am so used to avoiding this whole gendered vocabulary because, frankly, it made me dysphoric. but it didn't make me dysphoric because of some inherent quality of those words. the dysphoria stems from the fear that people will hear me use these words and they will stick and override their perception of me as having a gender independent from man or woman. that's already a perception i have to fight so hard for and i worry that no matter how casually i use these gendered terms, the words will have so much weight that they'll start seeing me a sort of a man or sort of a woman instead (but let's be honest, most people probably never saw me as anything else than sort of a [man/woman] in the first place).

and i'm kind of sick of that - the whole overthinking and censoring my expression to earn people's respect for my gender. so i'm gonna do what's fun and if other folks don't get me, that's for them to worry about.

[ineedhelpdotorg]

Another thing I would like to speak about this is my opinion I don’t want to talk over other trans people or the community I’m not speaking for the community as a whole this is just my personal opinion and I would like to state that I respect you and please respect my opinion and the opinions of others. Thank you. Here are some topics brought up that I’ve seen and I want to jsut state and voice my opinion if I offend you in any ways your are free to scroll. I value your opinions your thoughts but please be mindful and respectful of others.

THIS IS HELLA LONG BTW SORRY IN ADVANCE

(But please read the whole thing you don’t have to if you don’t want to)

1. "The vast majority of the individuals who have been examining this are cis, which is an issue first thing"

It truly isn't, there is no issue with this. There's nothing amiss with cishets imparting their insight, since anyone can have an assessment on anything. I see what your saying in some cases the don’t but as you saw on my other post they do in some events and cases the have a freedom to voice there opinions though.

2. I still can't seem to see a 'genderbent' rendition of a male character who needed bosoms and a dfab body. This is the first and most clear motivation behind why 'genderbending' is innately transphobic - it accepts that actual characteristics and sex are something very similar, and that you can't be female without additionally being dfab. (I will say AFAB)

Indeed, more often than not genderbent characters are not given characteristics and such generalizations. In any case, what's the issue with that? There's no issue playing into generalizations. You presently can't seem to see a genderbent adaptation of a male character who needed bosoms and is AFAB. That is narrative, and individual stories can't be acknowledged as obvious proof. Regarding why, the banner appears to introduce their conviction of actuality, when it clearly isn't. There's a lot of male genderbend characters (genderbent to be female) who do need bosoms, yet for what reason would it be advisable for it to significantly matter? Generalizations or not, there ought to be no issue here.

"It expects that actual attributes and sex are something very similar, and that you can't be female without likewise being AFAB." This is indeed another supposition, not a reality. Actual characteristics in sexual orientation are not something very similar, but rather it plays into the reality and generalization that actual attributes in sex jobs/sex generalizations are something very similar, to which they (as a rule) can be. You can be female without likewise being afab, and (expressed by and by) there are numerous characters out there that are trans and were being genderbent (tragically, however we shouldn't actually genderbend trans characters since it eradicates their sexual orientation except if when they're genderbent they're as yet trans, the exact inverse way.) and you could discover numerous trans characters being genderbent or such in games, manga, and media by and large.

3. "This is cissexism, and this is transphobic. The message that 'genderbending' says is that you should have bosoms and a v/gina to be female, and you should have a penis and a level chest to be male. I ought not need to clarify why that message is transphobic."

This isn't cissexism. The genuine meaning of cissexism: "Cis-sex-ism. Noun. Prejudice or discrimination against transgender people.” Stop twisting word’s definitions to fit your appeal and opinion. Stop believing threads such as this when they can’t even use the original definition properly. Genderbending is as simple as twisting someone’s gender so they fit into the stereotype. (a majority of the time, at least.) Biological genitalia are biological genitalia. Gender is defined by your brain, but we obviously cannot show that fact if there was a genderbend, because humans brains quite obviously do not show outside of the skull.

4. “The way 'genderbends' are completed likewise has unmistakably transphobic suggestions by they way it changes out the actual attributes of characters to make them 'the contrary sex' (The notion of there being ‘opposite genders’ is some fresh bullshit that I’ll cover later in this post) For instance, by giving a male character curves and breast’s while 'genderbending' him, the message is evident that this character was cis regardless."

This is being made way deeper than the notion actually is. Switching out physical traits to play into gender roles and gender stereotypes is not bullshit whatsoever. Giving a male character breasts and curves is as simple as what the action actually is. Genderbending, nothing more, nothing less. Nobody is actually reading into how detailed this is besides the original poster. But my issue is, what’s wrong with the message that the character is cis? Is there something wrong with cis people or there being cis characters? Trans people can still fit into these categories, and assuming trans people look different from cis people (whether in fiction or not) is transphobic, not characters fitting into the ‘cis’ category in your opinion. Once again, there is the assumption that the character was cis to begin with (unless the character has been stated on their wiki or in canon to be cis, to which most aren’t usually.

5. "'Genderbending' naturally infers that all characters are cisgender of course, and deletes any chance of these characters being trans. this isn't as plainly transphobic as the main point, yet it is hurtful to trans individuals inside being a fan spaces, as the presumption that all characters are cis until unequivocally expressed in any case pushes us out of media and eliminates whatever portrayal we may attempt to make for ourselves. "

Genderbending doesn't suggest anything, the first banner (and rebloggers) are indeed assuming. This obliges the hurried suspicion false notion, which is a coherent error that shows when a argument I’dbadly made. Genderbending doesn't suggest that all characters are cisgender as a matter, however it infers that the individual who composed this accepts so. There are cis looking trans individuals, and there are so to state, "trans looking" cis individuals. It doesn't eradicate any chance, in light of the fact that there can even now be trans individuals with genderbends, just as the way that there is trans genderbends out there. (despite the fact that it's avoided upon, obviously) It isn't unsafe to anybody at all, considering genderbends are quite often for no particular reason or investigation, there is no supposition that all characters are cis until expressed something else. (also, regardless of whether there is, the thing that's the mischief in that. there's no damage in having cis individuals not be expressed and trans individuals being expressed, on the grounds that cis individuals are the greater part.) It doesn't eliminate any portrayal at all, and I'd prefer to check whether operation really had any sources identifying with that, considering this has no sources at all and explicitly lies on striking allegations and suspicions.

6. "The third issue with 'genderbending' is that it is reliably cis male and cis female, and that is it. I have never seen people 'genderbend' characters by making them nonbinary or intersex. I have never seen a genderbend of a female character which made her a trans male in light of everything. 'Genderbending' proposes that there are only two choices concerning sex: cis male and cis female. There is nothing of the sort as nonbinary individuals inside this philosophy. Intersex individuals are bizarre, best case scenario. Agender individuals are minimal better than a far off fantasy."

Prior to anything: Agender doesn't exist. Non binary isn't actually viewed as a gender what I am saying is Non-binary is not technically considered a gender Non-binary (also spelled nonbinary) or genderqueer is a spectrum of gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine‍—‌identities that are outside the gender binary and there is no “opposite” to genderbend a non-binary person there is no "inverse" to genderbend a non-paired individual. In the event that somebody endeavored to "genderbend" a non-binary individual to a male or female, individuals would get vexed regardless of what they wanted. There is indeed, nothing amiss with male and female genderbends. YOU (conversing with operation and the individuals who concur) continue expecting that they're cis, which is more transphobic than what you guarantee is transphobic. You can't "genderbend" a non-binary nor intersex character, or it would be designated "transphobic" or "eradicating their personality" to which it's definitely not. You could ensure that something contrary to non-parallel is intersex (since individuals who are intersex are hermaphrodites, brought into the world with both genetalia logically) however that would likewise recieve more disdain. It doesn't infer anything, and without fail, you expect that a character is cis. For all you know, they could be stealth trans, or openly trans but you never looked at their wiki; or they could not have their gender specified on the wiki or in canon. Agender does exist what I am saying is the gender your trying to portray or the norms when you look it up Some people's gender changes over time. People whose gender is not male or female use many different terms to describe themselves, with non-binary being one of the most common. Other terms include genderqueer, agender, bigender, and more this is. That is what I am saying in that area that people don’t identify as any gender as he/she or some are fluid. yes you could do “opposite” to genderbend a non-binary person. But if someone attempted to “genderbend” a non-binary person to a male or female, people would get upset despite it being what they wanted. But that would be transphobic and defeating the purpose of there identity as a whole. Sorry some of my Japanese was switched out and there are some words do not exist in English I apologize if anyone got offended. Yes you can genderbending a cis male/female to a non-binary individual but that wouldn’t be called genderbending would it?

7. “‘Genderbending’ ignores that it is impossible to make a character ‘the opposite gender’, because there is no such thing as an ‘opposite gender’. Gender is a spectrum, not a binary, but you wouldn’t know that from the way fandom spaces treat it.”

Gender is binary, however binary doesn't mean two. Gender is chosen in the brain. It IS difficult to make a character that is non-binary or intersex the contrary sex on the grounds that there is no opposite gender of non-binarynor intersex, at any rate in the event that you would prefer not to be called transphobic or more. You can make a cis individual a non-binary person but that wouldn’t be called genderbending?? The frigidity of genderbending is when a character's gender is changed. Usually in fanfictions or fanart. The name should be changed since it is heavily confusing since genderbending also means in other definitions gender bending is sometimes a form of social activism undertaken to destroy rigid gender roles and defy sex-role stereotypes, notably in cases where the gender-nonconforming person finds these roles oppressive.

8. “Of course, there are some reasons for ‘genderbending’ cis male characters into cis females that will always get brought up in discussions on the politics of ‘genderbending.’ The most frequent is that cis girls, who only see themselves as one-dimensional characters in media, want to have characters like them who are just as multifaceted and developed as the male characters that we are given, so they make their male faves female to give themselves the representation they desire. This is a decent reason for ‘genderbending’, but it does not excuse the fact that the way in which ‘genderbending’ is done is inherently transphobic, and it gives fans yet another excuse to ignore female characters in favor of focusing on their male faves.” This whole spot I shouldn’t even have to explain. This is once again being read into way too much, there is no ‘politics’ of genderbending. There is just genderbending, plain and simple. Cis girls can want to see stuff in genderbending, as can cis guys when they genderbend a female character male to see how they’d react and such. Genderbending has no politics, besides that it’s “transphobic” to some.

9. “Another reason for ‘genderbending’ that I’ve heard is ‘it’s for the sake of character exploration - like, what if this character had been born as male/female instead?’ This excuse is cissexist and transphobic from first blush. The idea behind it is that someone ‘born as female’, aka with breasts/vagina will automatically be a cis female, allowing fans to explore what that character’s life would have been like if they were female. Why not explore the possibility of a character being designated female at birth, but still identifying as male? Why do you need a character to be cis for you to find their personality and life interesting to explore? Why do you automatically reject the notion of your fave being trans? If you want to explore what it would have been like for your male fave to have struggled with sexism, consider them being a trans woman, or a closeted afab trans person.”

Yes, character exploration. It’s not cissexist nor transphobic. Whether the character was genderbent cis or trans, it’s not about their genetalia to ‘explore’ the character, but that’s just what you thought it was. Character exploration in this case as in “How will people treat them differently due to possible sexist/misogynist laws and/or character behavior that’s normally in males inside a female, or vice versa? How would people and the law treat this female character who’s shy, if she was a male? How would people and the law treat this male character who’s obnoxious and loud and determined, if he was a female?” Not “How different will this character’s life be because they have a penis or v/g?” You reducing character exploration down to genitalia is blatantly transphobic more so than you think, as well as just downright rude.

10. ‘Genderbending’ does harm trans people. It perpetuates dangerous cissexist notions and the idea of a gender binary being a valid construct, erases nonbinary and intersex people, and others trans people. These are what we call microaggressions - they are not as dangerous as outright harassment and assault, but they enforce and support a system and ideology in which we are other, and we are worthy of hate and violence because we do not fit in.

Genderbending does not harm all trans people inherently i am talking to a group of people which is moderately huge but I am not speaking for all of the community whatsoever, considering trans people also like to genderbend characters. It plays into stereotypes and you thinking gender is a spectrum is more harmful that getting upset that someone thinking “How would people treat this character if he/she was the opposite gender?”. It does not erase non-binary nor intersex people, because you could throw them in if you really wanted to, but you’d also be the person who would call that act transphobic or ‘erasing their identity’. This is not a microaggression whatsoever, but rather a personal grudge based on assumptions you think are true, and treating your opinion as fact. That is all.

I don’t see or think why genderbending as a whole is transphobic the name should be changed though but genderbending as a whole is not bad sure they’re are issues but It is not transphobic.