#I don’t know how these two would be related like this but

[bwere]

WHAT'S AFTER PLAN B?

after missing your period, you decided to take a pregnancy test, whatever happens next depends on him.

feature: choso, gojo, geto | part ii: nanami, sukuna, toji, hiromi

content: 4.5k+ wc — not proofread + mentions of pregnancy, slight guilt trip, possessive sēx, light cm play, dggystyle, m!reciving, pssy eating, fluff, nastay

CHOSO KAMO

Choso had been enamored with you since the day you two first met, and ever since he had been by your side whenever he had the chance, like a lost puppy. 

However, he was no different during sex, but rather–worse. 

The day you graced him with the chance to even see her at all, never in his life had he been so hard that it hurt to move. In that moment he wanted to cum so bad—already having a pool of pre-cum seeping embarrassingly through the thread of his boxers. 

He never wanted to pull out of your tight hole, never dared to dream of a day he wasn’t fucking you after your first time together. The same hole that has his hips stuttering as he pounds into your tight cunt, drooling. every. time.

The same pussy that took his virginity, what else would he be if not obsessed? Nothing would ever relate to the way your insides claimed him. Not his hands, not ever any toys, not anyone else, just you.

You had him locked in a chokehold from the start—and the day you trusted him to take care of your insides was the day he swore he would do anything for you.

He fucks you like his only purpose in life was to please you—trying to get you pregnant, emptying every last drop he has in you. Never taking his dick out, giving you two a second to catch your breath, before hes fucking into you even harder.

Is it really so surprising as he now holds your pregnancy test while you wait for him to respond?  

“…Y-You’re?” he gulps as the weight of reality sinks in–his heart struggling to function at the sudden news.

You forewarned him numerous times, that if he didn’t stop cumming in you every time you had sex, that birth control wouldn’t even be able to stop the carelessness of his actions—that would only end up with you pregnant. 

“Pregnant, yes.” you bit your lip, looking down at your feet as the room shifts into silence. Leaving your mind to wonder until he begins to open his mouth. 

His eyebrows slightly furrow as he turns to face you, seeming taken aback. “Are you going to keep it?" he asks.

“I've thought about it.” you quip with a sigh.

His eyes map your face with attentiveness, looking for falter between the lines of your words. Sliding closer to you, making you feel the weight of the couch dip. “And?”

“Anddd, I want to know how you’d feel if we were to—possibly try?” 

A switch in Choso's mind flickered. The plush cushions yielded beneath his weight, and suddenly, you were lying flat on your back, pinned by the force of his body against yours. His chest pressed against your ribs, and your breath caught in your throat.

“Do you know how long I've wished to watch your belly grow? To let everyone know I'm the one who stuffed you full of my cum, made you the soon to be mother of our child?” 

“Well I-”

His eyes bore into yours, searching for answers. “Tell me,” he murmured, his lips dangerously close to yours, “How would you feel? Walking around while everyone knows you got fucked by me so good, that you ended up pregnant?”

You swallowed, your pulse racing. “I'd feel…” the words escaped you, lost in the intensity of the moment. “I'd feel proud letting everyone know you’re mine.”

Choso’s thumb brushed against your lower lip, and you leaned into his touch. his mouth hovered over yours, a breath away. “Don’t you want to make me proud?”

“Y-Yes…so proud,” you nodded.

Then without warning, his lips met yours—a collision of heat and longing. The couch bounced again, but this time, it was forgotten. All that mattered was the taste of him, the way his kiss ignited a thousand sparks within you.

Admittedly, making your pussy clench just from the tension. 

His hand cradled your jaw, thumb brushing against your cheekbone as if committing every detail to memory. When he finally pulled away, your lips tingled, and you struggled to catch your breath. 

Choso’s eyes bleeding into yours, dark and unreadable. The room felt charged, as if the air itself crackled with unspoken promises. “Then let’s make sure you do.”

You could feel his growing arousal against your thigh, reminding you of the very reason why you were in this predicament.

"I've been thinking about getting you pregnant constantly," he whispered, his hands roaming over your body. "I can't get enough of you, baby."

“C-Cho’ need it inside…please…” you felt your worries melt away as you surrendered to his touch. You’ve thought about it too, desperately, and he made sure you were gonna get just that. Your clothes falling to the floor, as you kissed and touched each other without plan. 

Choso positioned himself between your legs, looking deep into your eyes.

"I've been missin’ her," he said, stroking your thighs. "Seems like she missed me too,"

“Mnh—don’ tease Cho’….”

“H-Hah, how am i s’posed to say no to that?” positioning his throbbing dick at the entrance of your soaked pussy he slowly thrusted forward.  

Both of you gasped as you felt yourself being stretched and filled by his inconsiderable length. He paused for a moment, savoring the feeling of being sheathed in your tightness. 

"You like that, pretty?" earning a moan from the depths of your throat—meeting his thrusts with eager hips. 

"Y-Yes…!," you whispered, licking your lips. "I love it—f-fuck me, Cho’. Make me a mommy…mngha"

Choso began to move, sliding in and out of you with long, deep strokes. He watched as his cock disappeared inside you, only to emerge glistening and slick. You threw your head back, moaning loudly as your whole body trembled with pleasure.

Choso fucked your worries and stress as they melt away. You loved the way he made you feel—wanted, desired, and absolutely worshiped.

His breath was hot against your neck as he whispered dirty words of encouragement. "T-That’s it pretty, take it all, mnguh—” he grunted. "Your pussy feels s-suh good, s-squeezin’ my dick. m’ gonna cum so deep inside you..."

You knew you shouldn't encourage his reckless behavior, but in that moment, you couldn't bring yourself to care. You just wanted to feel him cum inside of you.

"C-Uhm for me, cho—ngh!” you begged. "Wan’uh feel it deep in my womb!”

“Oh f-fuck, she’s milking me so tight baby…mmmphn!” with a guttural groan, Choso obeyed, pushing deep till his load shot inside of you, his cock pulsating in the process.

His cum was seeping out of you and pushing you over the edge yet again. Crying his name like it was your first word, your pussy surrendering around him, savoring the last drop of his exhausted cock. 

“Mmgnh—you’re so pretty like this, stuffed full of my b-babies…shit..”

GOJO SATORU

ring ring ring ring

You paced around the kitchen anxiously awaiting for Satoru to pick up the call.

You were one week late for your period, and while dealing with Satoru physically trained you to be prepared with plan b at all times, this time it finally failed.

Satoru knew how to pull out sure, it’s the fact that he just never really wanted too. Yeah he loved watching his cum drip off your tits, painting your body, or slipping off his tip and resting on your tastebuds. He’s just much rather watch your tight pussy struggling to hold in his cum from leaking out. 

He'd continuously rearrange your insides and clean up any mess he left behind. Satoru won't acknowledge that he has occasionally wondered what you would look like if you were carrying his child. Your love handles would get doughier than usual, and your nipples, hard and lactating, the whole concept made him ignore the negative aspects. And while having a child is a blessing, his life's ambition was to have one with you.

Every time he saw your pussy strain to contain his cum, he secretly hoped that one day you would fall pregnant in order to bring downfall on your plan b pills. It’s not as if they were safe for you anyways, right?

What trouble could one child bring…

“Satoru? hello?”

“Yes, my love?” 

There’s a moment of calm static on the other end of the line. 

“I missed my period by a week, it didn’t even hit me until I looked at the calendar.” 

“Really? Are you sure?” with a smile that defies words, he asks.

"Yes, I'm sure—" you say, opening your mouth to let out a frustrated sigh, "and a little worried, too."

“Hey, don’ be scared, this could be a good thing. Can you imagine? A little one who has your beauty and my charm?”

“Satoru…” you groan.

“I know it’s a lot to take in, but I want you to know that i’m here for you, no matter what. We’ll figure this out together, okay?” trying to soothe your anxieties he speaks again, “Why don’ you use my card and get a test?” 

“So what happens if it’s positive?” 

“Then we can figure out the rest. If not, then my answer still stands.”

Before you speak, there's a pause during which you can hear his students' soft voices blending momentarily with the call's background noise, taking it as a sign the calls about to end. “I guess I’ll take one."

“Atta girl, look, I have to go but I love you and I'll see you when I get home ‘kay?” 

“Alright, I love you too, toru’ bye.”

beep beep beep—

Unusually quiet, the house remained hushed after you hung up. the next few hours, feeling like your mind was against you, terrible thoughts creeping in your head.

It felt like there was a war with your heart and mind that made your gut queasy. 

All you could think about were the amount of things that could go wrong. What if something happens that causes you to lose the baby? What if having a baby starts to hinder Satoru’s life outside of you? There’s too much at risk you thought.

You pick up Satoru's credit card and use it while you scroll through your favorite online grocery store. The familiar layout of the website distracting you with certainty to the whirlwind of emotions you’re experiencing.

You add your favorite snacks, the ones that always manage to lift your spirits. As you browse through the website, you remember the most important item - the pregnancy test. within a few more clicks, the test is added to your cart.

Once you’ve reviewed the order, you proceed to checkout. you enter Satoru’s card details, and with a final click, the order is placed. A sense of relief washes over you. Now, all you have to do is wait.

As you wait for the delivery, you decide to take a shower. The idea of the warm water feels comforting against your nerves. 

Dropping your towel as you stepped onto the ceramic flooring—turning on the shower head quickly after, you let out a sigh as the streams of water began to run down your face. 

You tried to calm yourself, letting the water wash away the tension in your position. The shower becoming a sanctuary, a place where you can let your guard down and just be. 

You lose track of time as the water envelops down, each droplet echoing your heartbeat. 

The steam fills the bathroom, creating a soothing atmosphere. As you let your thoughts wander, thinking about the future, about Satoru, and about the possible life growing inside you.

Until hearing the front door open and close—pulling you from your daze. Signaling, Satoru was home.

A few moments later, you could hear him dropping his keys on the nightstand in your shared room. Then quietly making his way to the bathroom and without a word, eventually joining you in the shower. 

"Satoru—" you started, but he cut you off.

“How do you feel now?" he asked, his voice gentle.

You hesitated for a moment before answering, "Um, alittle better, anything new happen at work?”

Satoru looked at you, his eyes soft but serious. "Don’t try changin’ the subject," he said, his tone firm.

You looked at him, surprised by his intensity, "M’ not, Satoru. m’ just... trying to process everything."

His head resting against your neck, as he caved his large frame behind you. “Some things you don’t need to process alone y’know,” 

You didn't respond to him. the sounds only the shower provides, shooting streams that drench you both equally. "I just don't want this to get in the way of your work," you confess, turning to face him. 

As the water continued to cascade down, Satoru gently cupped your face, his thumb tracing your cheek. His gaze was intense, filled with a mix of emotions - concern, anticipation, and most importantly, love. He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss on your forehead, a silent promise of his unwavering support. “Would’ve had a different reaction if I didn’t want this, you know that right?”

He cut you off before you could even reply, leaning in - to capture your lips with his. It was a gentle kiss, filled with passion. The romantic tension between you two was palpable, the air in the shower becoming steamy. But it was a sweet kind of tension, one that spoke volumes about the depth of your feelings for each other.

As you pulled away, you looked into Satoru’s eyes, clouded by his lust and love for you–now reflecting back to yours. “Do I need to show you just how much I want this baby?”

"Depends, how would you go about doing that, hmm?" 

“You tell me baby,” with a sly grin, Satoru wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer to him, pressing his body against yours in the steamy shower. His hands roamed skillfully up and down your body, caressing and exploring your every curve and contour.

You let out a soft moan as his lips found the nape of your neck, and you tilted your head back, melting into his touch. "I think–I have a pretty good idea of how you're going to show me," you breathed, your voice husky with temptation.

Satoru's eyes glinted mischievously as he smiled, “Then you must know what I want you to do.” 

You could feel how much Satoru wanted you, and to say you wanted him back was an understatement.

You gave in to his request without thinking twice, bending over and exposing yourself to him, spreading yourself just like he wanted. His hands settled softly on your hips as he drew you in, admiring the way you had yourself on show for him, relishing in the beauty of your form. 

His cock rested heavily as he chided against your pussy. He cautiously grounded your lower body while stroking your clit with his tip moving it back and forth. 

“Mmmn–toru’” 

“Aww…so wet f’me already?” he chuckles, breathy grunts in between.

“I-Its just the water mgnh…!–”

Satoru traversed himself beneath you and stepped in between your legs, gently separating them. you sighed softly as his fingers probed your warm folds and you felt an electric current flow through every nerve in your body.

He spoke in your ear, his deep voice resonating through you, "Whatever helps you sleep at night sweetheart,’’

Satoru put his hands on your hips and moved slowly at first, taking in every part of your body as he made his way inside. He picked up the pace, driving deeper and harder into you with each thrust, making you gasp at the feeling of him filling you up. “Ooh–fuck toru’ t’s too much..”

“Nothin’ you can’t handle mmmhmm- isn’t that right?” pleasure filled every inch of your body, and Satoru's eyes were fixed on yours, mirroring your own yearning. with each passing second that went by, you could feel the pressure inside of you growing. 

“–Mgnhmm, I can- toru’ fuck! I can handle it…!” 

“Baby–shit…your cunt’s s-swallowin’ me baby fuhck—no wonder you missed your period..” 

Your bodies well submerged in the soaking shower, Satoru pumped into you with all he could, his thrusts growing harder and faster. Making you cry out in exhilaration—begging him to make you cum–telling him how good he was making you feel.

“Y-Yeah? gonna c-cum too pretty…fuck! ughn, cum on my cock like you mean in baby…wanna feel them walls spasmin’” he panted. his fingers, tight on your face, drawing you nearer as he gave you a heated kiss. 

Satoru kept thrusting into you, his pace growing more erratic as you both were ready to cum, your lips never daring to leave each other. you were lost in pleasure, just as much as he was. relishing the feeling of his hard body pressed against yours, the sensation of his firm hands holding you tight.

“Mmmnuph!–toru’ pleash m’ cummin’!” 

Satoru looked into your eyes intensely, whispering sweet nothings as his hand caressed your face. "You did s-so good, baby," he murmured, "Your lil hole’ so full of my cum mmmh." his voice was laced with adoration.

“You look so beautiful,” his eyes ran over you, softly. "Honna look even better with my baby in your belly, aren’tcha?" Satoru whispered in your ear.

“Oh hush…Satoru.”

“Jus’ sayin,” he smiled widely.

Just as you and Satoru were reveling in the afterglow of your shared orgasm, there was a loud ring from your front door, startling you both out of your passionate daze. 

ding-dong

“What the hell?” Satoru groaned against your neck.

“Oops–I forgot about the groceries I ordered earlier.” you sighed, causing Satoru to chuckle at your antics. “I'll get them for you baby, just get cleaned up.”

GETO SUGURU

You both had been trying for a while now, and each month brought a mix of hope and disappointment. But he never let it bring you down.

He’d fuck your worries away if it mean’t you’d never have doubt - and hell, he did it anyway. 

These past nights ending with you being fucked out on his cock–struggling to keep up with his endurance for hours. He’d come home and fuck you, wake up in the morning and fuck you, finish dinner and fuck you. He’d fill you so good, he was sure your pussy was a supervillain—sucking his orgasm straight from his soul.

You knew these things take time, and so did he. But, Geto on the other hand—was more than happy, getting to fuck you relentlessley every night, having a reason ignore your whimpers for him to give you a moment, only for him to remind you, “We have to make sure you get pregnant baby, isn’t that what you wanted? To grow my child in your lil’ womb hmm?”

And after those same nights, you would lay in bed with Geto, his arms wrapped around you, whispering sweet words of encouragement after he just fucked you unwalkable.

 “We'll get there, baby,” he would say, pressing soft kisses to your forehead. “We just need to be patient.”

You were both lounging around the house, enjoying the lazy day. Geto was reading a book while you were trying to decide what to make for dinner. opening the fridge, you sighed.

 “Sugu’, we’re out of almost everything,” you called out, staring at the nearly empty shelves.

Geto looked up from his book, raising an eyebrow. “Really? I thought we just went shopping,” he replied, setting his book down and walking over to join you.

You shrugged, stepping aside to let him see for himself. “Guess we forgot to pick up a few things,” you said, watching as he scanned the contents of the fridge.

Geto hummed in agreement, closing the fridge door. “Well, we can’t have that, can we?” he said, turning to look at you. “How about we go to the store? We can pick up what we need and maybe grab something for dinner too.”

You nodded, appreciating his willingness to help out. “Sounds like a plan, Sugu’,” you replied, grabbing your wallet and keys. “Let's go.”

He picked up a shopping cart as soon as you both entered the store and began navigating the aisles. Geto took the lead, pushing the cart while you walked beside him, a shopping list in hand.

After getting most of the things you needed, it came time to check out.

Unbeknownst to Geto, you had secretly picked up a pregnancy test and slipped it into the basket. Your heart racing as the cashier picked up the test, scanning it without a second glance. You held your breath, wondering if Geto had noticed. But he remained silent, paying for the items and chatting casually with the cashier.

The sun was starting its slow descent, casting a warm golden glow through the kitchen window as you returned home.

Your heart was pounding in your chest, a secret hidden within those shopping bags you carefully placed on the counter. You busied yourself, unpacking the groceries, your hands slightly shaking as you tried to appear calm and collected. But Geto, ever observant, noticed your nervous energy from across the room. 

He watched you for a moment, a knowing look in his eyes, before quietly making his way over. Sliding his arms around your waist, he pulled you back against his chest, his palms roaming across your hips, caressing the curves of your body. You let out a soft gasp as his touch sent a jolt through you.

He leaned in close, his lips brushing your ear as he whispered, his warm breath tickling your skin, "Wanna tell me what this is all about, baby?" 

You froze, your heart pounding in your ribs. Of course, he had seen the pregnancy test. "I just wanted to be sure, Sugu’," you replied, your voice soft and hesitant. "I didn't want to get your hopes up." his hands stilled on your hips and you could feel his eyes on you as he waited for you to turn and face him. 

"Why didn't you tell me, sweetheart?" Geto asked, his voice gentle and full of understanding. "We've been hoping for this. I know it's a big deal, but we're in this together." his palms were gentle as they slid up your stomach, his thumbs brushing the underside of your breasts.

"No secrets, remember?" he murmured, his lips now placing soft kisses along your jaw. 

Turning in his arms, you found yourself face-to-face with him, his eyes searching yours. "I know, and I'm sorry," you whispered, your worries melting away under the intense gaze. 

His hands continued their exploration, sliding up your thighs now, drawing you closer against him so you could feel his cock against your belly. "Let me make it up to you," you breathed, your eyes dropping to his lips. 

without another word, you dropped to your knees in front of him, running your hands up his powerful thighs. you could feel his eyes on you as you undid his belt, your heart pounding with anticipation.

His hands kneading the back of your neck as you pulled his zipper down, freeing his thick, hard cock. You paused for a moment, looking up at him, before taking the tip into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the head, tasting his pre-cum. 

A soft groan escaped his lips as you took more of him into your mouth, slowly working your way down his length. Your hands rested on his thighs for support as you took him deeper, your nose nuzzling his pubic bone. He filled your mouth completely, and you relaxed your throat, taking him all the way down, your lips brushing his balls. 

He let out a sharp breath, his hands tightening in your hair. "Fuuuck, baby, that feels so good," he grunted, his hips beginning to move gently, thrusting slowly into your wet, warm mouth. 

You looked up at him, your eyes smoldering, as you began to bob your head, sucking and licking, taking pleasure in your power over him. 

He tasted so good, and you wanted to pleasure him, to show him how much you cared. You slid your hands up his thighs, gripping his ass, pulling him deeper into your throat as you moaned softly around him. 

His movements became more urgent, his cock sliding in and out of your mouth with a wet, sucking sound. 

"Keep goin’ princess," he grunted, his hips stuttering as he held you in place, his cock thrusting deep into your throat. you relaxed and took him, your nails digging into his thighs as he began to cum, spurting hot and salty into your throat. 

“Mmgnhguk–!” you swallowed around him, milking him with your mouth, drawing out his orgasm. as his hips stilled, you slowly pulled off him, licking your lips, a satisfied smile on your face. 

He ran a hand through his hair, his eyes clouded with wanting. "That was…that was amazing, baby. But now, I needa’ to taste you." he pulled you up, crushing his lips to yours, kissing you deeply, passionately, tasting himself on your tongue.

His hands roamed your body, cupping your tits, squeezing and teasing your nipples through your shirt. You moaned into his mouth, your hands fumbling with his buttons, needing to feel skin on skin. “Mmngh–Sugu’..”

He broke the kiss, breathing heavily, as guided you onto the counter, spreading your legs. As he knelt before you, his eyes hot as he pulled your pants down, revealing your wet, eager pussy. "So fucking gorgeous," he murmured, his breath hot against your sensitive skin as he leaned in, placing a soft kiss on your inner thigh. 

You let out a soft whimper, anticipation coiling tight within you. Then - his tongue was on you, licking slow and deep, teasing your clit, making you squirm. 

His hands gripped your knees, holding you in place as he feasted, sucking and lapping at your sweetness. 

“Su-Suguru…mmnh!” you moaned his name, your hands tangling in his hair, holding him against you as your hips bucked gently.

"Mmm, you taste so fucking good," he hummed against your pussy, sending vibrations through you as his tongue delved deep, then circled your sensitive clit. 

"Cum for me, baby, I want to feel you cum, fuckin’ need it baby." his fingers now joined, two of them sliding inside you, curling and stroking that magic spot deep within your pussy. 

You cried out, your body tightening around his fingers as your orgasm hit. He held you through it, his tongue relentless, lapping at your juices as you rode out the waves of pleasure.

"That's it, baby, let go f’me," he mumbled, his voice a soft purr. As the tremors began to subside, he slowed, placing gentle kisses along your sensitive slit. Leaving you panting, your body sated, a satisfied smile on your face as you looked down at him. 

He stood, both of his palms facing flat by your sides, kissing you deeply. "You did so good, pretty girl." he smirked against your mouth, his hands holding you close. "I could say the same to you handsome," you grinned back, pressing your lips to his. 

[girlgenius1111]

instincts

alexia x reader mila verse :) having a newborn is, notoriously, not easy. it catches up to you. alexia is there to pick up the pieces and make sure you know how loved you are. angst + fluff! 🙂

-------

When Alexia entered the house, it was to the sound of the baby crying, which wasn’t an oddity; babies cried. What was weird was that Mila’s little voice sounded raw, as though she’d been crying for a while. Alexia sighed, expecting that it had been another rough day for you. Mila had been going through a sleep regression, and would truly only sleep if she was in either your arms or your wife’s. You were exhausted, neither of you getting much sleep at all. Alexia, though, got to go to training everyday and get out of the house. You, on the other hand, spend all day with the baby, the crying baby who barely let you put her down. 

You’d been struggling in the past week, and Alexia couldn’t tell if it was exhaustion, related to PPD, or something else entirely. There hadn’t been a ton of time for the two of you to talk, but as Alexia heard her daughter wailing from the nursery, and your soft voice shushing her, she knew, somehow, that you weren’t okay. 

She was proved correct when she walked into the nursery and found you in tears, cradling your daughter close to you. Mila’s head was laid on your shoulder, her face red from crying, though she quieted slightly upon seeing her Mami. 

“Please, Milabear, please stop crying, honey, I don’t know what else you want,” you choked out, not wanting to further upset Mila with your emotions. 

“Amor, give her here,” Alexia said softly, catching your attention when she walked into the room. 

“She hasn’t slept all morning, Alexia,” you began, your wife nodding sympathetically, and taking Mila from your arms. Mila looked exhausted, her eyes flying open every few seconds, fighting sleep desperately as little whines left her mouth. 

“I’ve got her, mi amor, go relax, go take a shower,” Alexia told you, frowning as you tearfully left the room. She had to take care of Mila, first, so she could give you her full attention. 

-------

Mila had quieted slightly in the time it took you to get to the bathroom and turn the shower on, which really just made you feel worse. Was it you? Were you the reason she was so upset and refusing to sleep? The warm water washed over you, mixing with your tears, as you wished desperately that you were a better mother. More like Alexia. It was so effortless for her, so easy. Mila loved Alexia more than she loved you, you were sure. The thought only brought more tears to your eyes, until you were sobbing on the floor in the corner of the shower. 

-------

Alexia got Mila to sleep ridiculously easily. Likely, the little baby was picking up on your overwhelmed emotions, and couldn’t settle down enough to sleep. Alexia was calm, though, hadn’t spent the entire morning trying to get Mila to sleep, so obviously, she managed it in just a few minutes. 

“Sí, there you go Milabear, sleep mi bebé,” Alexia whispered, rocking back and forth on her feet, tracing lines over the baby’s small forehead. “You have to give your Mama a break, hmm?” 

Alexia normally loved to talk to Mila, though she obviously expected no response. Now, however, Alexia ached to go after you, and make sure you were okay. As soon as the baby was soundly asleep, Alexia settled her in her cot, flicked the baby monitor on, and slipped out of the room. 

You were still in the shower when your wife walked into the bedroom, hearing the water run through the door. And though she wanted to open the door and check on you, she knew better. You’d had such few moments alone recently, barely any privacy. Alexia hadn’t really either, but you definitely had it worse, and she didn’t want to overwhelm you. 

She wished she’d gone in, though, 10 minutes later when you exited the bathroom, dressed in a pair of Alexia’s shorts and a shirt that looked bigger on you than it normally did. You were still crying, just barely, but your cries picked up again when you saw Alexia waiting for you on the bed, her soft gaze meeting yours and breaking any strength you’d managed to muster up in the past few minutes.

“Oh, mi niña,” Alexia sighed, standing and opening her arms for you. You all but collapsed into them, hands fisting themselves in Alexia’s sweatshirt, clinging on for dear life. You felt so small next to her, so protected, but for once, it didn’t make you feel better. Alexia’s shampoo scent flooded your senses, and all you could think was that Mila preferred her to you, and that she always would. 

You cried, you sobbed, into your wife’s chest, much longer than Alexia thought was humanly possible, until you were wheezing in a breath after each sob, your whole body trembling against hers. You were stressed and frustrated and exhausted, but most of all, you were sad and you were terrified. Terrified, that you’d never be good enough for your perfect daughter. 

Nothing Alexia was doing seemed to work to calm you down, not her sweet words whispered in your ear, not the soothing motion of her hand on your back. You just got more and more worked up, until Alexia regretfully pulled you back a bit, taking your face in between her hands. 

“Amor, breathe,” she instructed you, nodding encouragingly when you tried to do so. It didn’t work right, your chest just spasmed and you made a choking sound, now looking up at your wife in alarm. “Hey, you are okay, mi amor, I have you,” Alexia comforted, guiding you to sit on the edge of the bed, standing just in front of you. 

“Can’t-” you gasped out, shaking your head frantically as tears continued to fall down your face. 

“You have to breathe, bebe, you are going to make yourself sick,” Alexia sighed, grabbing one of your hands and pressing it to her chest. “Inhale… venga mi niña, inhale.” She insisted, getting a little firmer in an effort to make you listen. 

You inhaled a full breath, finally, using the air instantly. “Ale,” you cried, not really sure what you were trying to convey to your wife; you just needed her. 

“I know, I know,” she whispered back. “Inhale and exhale, with me. You are safe, you are okay.” You were calming down slightly, but as you did, you grew more tearful, gasps replaced by quiet whimpers as you did everything you could to breathe with Alexia. You were desperate to feel her closer to you, for some assurance that every awful thought you were having about yourself wasn’t true. 

“Ale, please,” you mumbled, grabbing her arms and wrapping them around you. She got the message, sitting on the bed next to you and pulling you in close to her chest once again. Her shirt was slightly damp against your cheek from your tears, but Alexia held you steadily, safely. She had you, you were okay. You were okay. 

You had begun to relax, just slightly, lulled into a calmer state by the sound of Alexia’s heartbeat in your ear, when a piercing cry echoed through the house. You were brought to tears instantly again, pulling away from your wife to go grab your baby. Alexia shook her head insistently, though, gently guiding you back onto the bed. 

“No, amor, I will check on her. Try to relax, everything is okay.” She said softly. 

“Bring her here? Please?” You asked, tearfully looking up at your wife. 

Alexia looked conflicted, having just intended on putting the baby back to sleep, and returning to take care of you. You needed her, and Alexia didn’t want to divide her attention between the two most important people in her life at the moment. “I’ll just put her back down,”

“No, Ale, please, I need her here, please, I’m sorry, please just bring her,” you cried, and alexia was quick to shush you, wiping a few tears off your cheek. 

“Okay, okay. If that’s what you need, mi amor. Take some deep breaths for me, okay? I will be right back with pequeña.” 

You nodded, eyes falling shut when Alexia leaned down to kiss your forehead, before she was disappearing through the bedroom door. You tried to follow her instructions, focusing on slowing your heart rate down, hearing the cries coming from the nursery continue. 

Alexia’s voice came over the baby monitor, and you were momentarily distracted from your misery by how soft she was for her little girl. 

“My little troublemaker. Are you just jealous that your Mama is getting all the attention? I’ve got you too, bebe, don’t you worry. Let’s go find your Mama.” She cooed, Mila’s cries only quieting slightly as Alexia picked her up and carried her down the hall and into your room. 

“Hey, shh, Mama is right here.” Alexia cooed, bouncing Mila in her arms gently, giant tears sliding down the baby’s very small, very red face. Upon seeing you, Mila’s cries slowed to sniffles, and she reached out for you. Alexia kept her daughter close, though, sliding onto the bed next to you, before laying Mila easily down on her chest. “See? We are all okay.” 

You weren’t really sure what to do. Mila was calm once again, drifting off happily in her Mami’s arms. And it was ridiculous, but you wanted Alexia to hold you, too. The blonde seemed to be able to read your mind, though, shifting Mila over a bit, gently so as not to wake her up, before lifting her arm and nodding at you to scoot closer. You did, burying your face in her shoulder, clinging on tightly to her sweatshirt. 

You were so exhausted, but everytime your eyes fell shut, they would snap back open again, frantically looking to make sure Mila was okay. It was completely instinctual, you knew Alexia had her, you just couldn’t relax.  

“Rest, amor, you need to sleep. I have Mila, and I have you.” 

You let your eyes slide shut, finally, so deeply comforted by the feeling of Alexia’s fingers running through your hair. She had Mila, and she had you.

-------

When you woke, you knew a decent amount of time had passed. Your head was resting on Alexia’s thigh, now, and you realized that your wife had changed, now wearing shorts instead of the track pants she’d come home in. The room seemed slightly dimmer, and you could hear the sound of a football match on TV. You kept your eyes closed for a bit, just listening. It was the Barça men’s side playing, and Alexia was keeping up a running dialogue for Mila, as she always did. 

“Sí, and when you are a big girl, you can play football just like me. Or you can take pictures like your Mama. You can do anything you want, bebe. Anything that makes you happy.” Alexia paused, and you heard her sigh happily. You knew she was gazing down at your daughter, an expression filled with love on her face. “It would be fun if you played football though.” She whispered, as if she was telling a secret. 

You rolled off of your wife, onto your back, though you turned your head in her direction and opened your eyes. Alexia was sat up against the headboard, in a cozy pair of pajamas. Mila was tucked under her arm, sitting up too. The blonde was effortlessly holding a bottle to the baby’s mouth, her eyes flicking back and forth between her daughter and the TV across the room. Mila looked like she’d had a bath, her wispy hair a bit damp, and she was also in her pajamas, a light pink onesie with small lions on it. A gift from Mapi, of course. 

Alexia looked down at you when you rolled over, though, the smile on her face not at all hiding the concern and worry that overflowed off of her. 

“Hola mi niña perfecta,” she whispered, reaching out to run her fingers through your hair. “How are you feeling?” 

“Better. Less tired.” You croaked, clearing your throat slightly when your voice came out all choked. “What time is it?” 

“Just after 7.” You’d been asleep for upwards of 7 hours, then. “Mila has taken her bath, had another nap, and finished an important meeting with her lawyers.” Alexia said, chuckling to herself at her own joke. 

“Oh no, is she getting sued again?” You asked, looking reproachfully at your daughter. “She has to stop running people over with her car.” 

“It is a bad habit.” Alexia agreed, grinning down at you. The smile fell from her face, though, when she noticed how upset you suddenly looked. “What is it?”

“I’m so sorry for before, for freaking out. I don’t know what happened to me.” 

Alexia shook her head. “No, no apologies. You are exhausted and stressed and you spend all day at home with Milabear. A screaming baby is a lot for anyone. You were overwhelmed. It is completely understandable.” 

“You’d just got home from work though,” you argued tearfully, but Alexia shushed you. 

“Stop, amor. We are both Mila’s moms, sí? We are both responsible for her, and we are both responsible for taking care of each other. I haven’t been doing a good enough job, I see that now. You need more help, and I need to give that to you.” 

You nodded begrudgingly, biting your lip when it began to tremble. 

“Talk to me, bebe, por favor.” Alexia pleaded, running her thumb over your bottom lip. 

“It’s stupid.” You began, ignoring the frown on your wife’s face. “I’ve just missed you.” 

Alexia felt her heart shatter. “Oh, mi amor. I’ve missed you too. I haven't been around enough, and I am so, so sorry.” 

“It’s work, Ale, I get it,” 

“That is not an excuse. I already talked to my manager. I am taking a step back from brand deals and commitments. I am focusing on football, and my family. On you and my Milabear.” 

“I can’t ask you to do that, Ale,” 

“You are not asking. I am doing it. You need more from me. I don’t like to see you so upset. I am happy to do this, mi amor. I promise. You are my priority, my family is my priority. Always.” 

You nodded gratefully, but Alexia could tell by the slightly preoccupied look on your face that there was more that you were upset about. It wasn’t just being exhausted and overwhelmed. You looked insecure as you fixed your eyes on Mila, who was beginning to drift off in her spot in the crook of Ale’s arm. 

“Hey.” Alexia said softly. “Come here.” 

You sat up like she wanted you to, leaning your head on her shoulder. 

“Something else is bothering you.” She noted, pairing her words with a gentle kiss to your temple. 

“No, there isn’t,”

“Yes, there is. Tell me.” She encouraged, removing the bottle from Mila’s mouth and sitting her up on her legs. She did it so effortlessly, everything so effortlessly. Alexia was an incredible mother, and you felt like she had instincts that you just didn’t have. 

“Do you think I’m a good mother?” You asked finally, letting Mila grab onto your hand and start to play with your fingers. You felt Alexia’s eyes burning into the side of your head after you spoke, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at her. 

“How can you ask that?” Alexia said incredulously. “You are the best mama.” 

You sighed. “Mila is perfect. 

Alexia blinked, trying to keep up with the sudden apparent subject change. “She is perfect.” 

“I don’t think I’m perfect. I don’t think I’m good enough for her. She deserves so much better than me.” 

“No, no no no.” Alexia said frantically, standing to lay the baby on the play mat next to the bed so she could turn her attention fully to you. She practically dove back onto the bed, resting against the throw pillows as she pulled you fully into her arms. “No, mi amor. You are good enough for Mila, bebe, you are perfect.”

“I just feel like I can’t do anything right. This is so much harder than I was expecting it to be.” 

“I know, cariño, I know. It is hard, but you are doing so well. I am so proud of you, and I am so sorry that I did not realize you were struggling sooner. So sorry, amor.” Alexia cooed, running her fingers through your hair. She was doing anything she could think of to bring you some comfort, to make you feel even slightly better. 

You snuggled further into your wife, trying to get as close to her as you could. “You’re better at this than I am. I think Mila loves you more.” You whispered, your cheeks burning from embarrassment, knowing you were being a bit ridiculous. 

Alexia shifted, trying to get a look at your face. She looked so devastated to hear how you were feeling, and you almost felt guilty for being honest with her. Almost, because you knew she was about to put those insecurities to rest. 

“Mi amor, no. You spend all day with her, you are around so much more than I am. It is inevitable that she will be upset around you more than she is around me, just because of the timing. And, amor, it is not like she does not cry with me. She is normally so upset when she wakes up at night, and the only way to get her back to sleep is to put her next to you. Mila lights up when she sees you, baby. She loves you so much. You brought her into this world, you are exactly what she needs. You are good enough for our baby, amor, and you are good enough for me.”

You were tearing up, but right on cue, a soft cry rang out into the room, emanating from Mila’s play mat. Your wife grabbed the baby, picking her up and bouncing her gently in her arms. Mila just cried harder, though, her face turning red as she reached her little hands out towards you. Alexia easily shifted Mila into your arms, and you cradled her to your chest, pressing kiss after kiss to her tiny forehead. Your wife pulled you both back into her arms, a soft smile on her face. 

“See? She knows you are upset, and she wants to make you feel better. Because she loves you.” Alexia murmured, resting her chin on your shoulder, shutting her eyes as she nuzzled her face into your neck. “And I love you. You are the best Mama, and the best wife, and I love you.” 

“And you, Milabear. Te amo, mi niña pequeña.” Alexia whispered, looking adoringly down at your daughter. 

You relaxed into your wife, feeling a thousand times better than before. You were happy, completely overflowing with joy and adoration for your little family. You’d never be sure what you did to deserve such perfection, but Alexia made you feel worthy of it everyday. Worthy of her love, and worthy of the most perfect baby on earth. 

--------

it's been a bit since i've written a mila fic. enjoy and let me know all your thoughts 🙂🥰🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

[stargirlinterludefr]

1 STEP FORWARD, 3 STEPS BACK: Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

Based off of the song 1 step forward, 3 steps back by Olivia Rodrigo

TW: Toxic relationship, emotional & verbal abuse, drug usage, references to sexual relations but no smut, addiction, heavy angst, small amount of fluff, guilt tripping for not having sex (I do NOT condone any of this, you should never be made to feel guilty if you don’t want to sleep with someone!), Rafe being an arsehole

Word count: around 3,500

‘Called you on the phone today

Just to ask you how you were

All I did was speak normally

Somehow I still struck a nerve

You’re laid down on your front, hand mindlessly plucking at your lilac coloured blanket as your other hand holds your phone close to your ear, waiting for your boyfriend to answer your call.

“Hello?” Rafe’s deep voice rings through the other end, cutting out the ringing sound that you’d been listening to whilst waiting on an answer.

You smile softly, “Hey baby, just thought I’d ring, not heard off of you in a few hours.” You say, still plucking mindlessly at your blanket as Rafe sniffles down the phone before he answering.

“Uh yeah, been busy with Barry sorry, what’ve you been up to?” He asks, and while deep down you know he’s distracted and probably doesn’t even care about what you’ve been doing as long as you’re not out flirting with other boys or…out doing anything at all.

“Barry? I didn’t realise you were hanging with him today, is he doing okay?” You ask sweetly, kind nature shining through despite how much you disliked Barry for continuing to get Rafe involved with dealings.

“Why you sound so mad about me hanging with Barry, huh?” Rafe snaps back and your heart plummets to your stomach as you pause your mindless ministrations on your blanket.

“Wha- I’m not mad, baby, I was just asking-“ You start but you don’t have the opportunity to finish as Rafe is quick to cut you off.

“Well fucking don’t! I don’t wanna deal with your bitchy attitude, it’s like you- you’re judging me or something so just cut it out a’ight? Get enough of that from my fucking dad, didn’t know my girl would be all up in my business to.” He says, voice agitated and slurred making it clear to you he’d been snorting up lines like there was no tomorrow.

You stay still in your place, eyes laced with tears that were on the verge of falling if you didn’t swallow the lump in your throat.

“What, you gone mute or something?” Rafe snaps and you jolt slightly, clearing your throat as you answer.

“M’ sorry.” You mutter, voice strained and quiet as though he’d zapped every inch of energy and happiness from you in a matter of seconds.

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” He scoffs, the sound of beeping ringing through your speaker signifying that he’d ended the call and as you slowly lower your phone from your ear, silent tears stream down your face and instead of picking mindlessly at your blanket you bury your face into it.

You got me fucked up in the head, boy

Never doubted myself so much

Like, am I pretty? Am I fun, boy?

I hate that I give you power over that kind of stuff

Parties had become something you dreaded immensely.

Rafe would usually leave you as soon as you arrived, seeking out people to sell his stuff to and snorting so many lines of it that you’d be left to deal with either his raging temper or his raging boner.

Despite that fact, you made sure you looked your prettiest each time. At the start of your relationship, Rafe showered you in compliments each time you’d get all dressed up but now he’d simply complain about how long you took and then he’d go flirt with some other look or touron making you seriously question whether you were even pretty enough anymore.

And at this particular party? You felt the burning pit of insecurity like it was etched onto your skin.

You were sat beside Rafe, two other kook girls across from you who were alongside Kelce and Barry.

Rafe was pouring out some coke from a small baggie, organising it into lines as he glanced toward you briefly.

“You want some?” He asks, pupils blown as wide as spaceships.

“No, I’m okay.” You say immediately, you’d never wanted to indulge in things like cocaine as you’d drawn the line at weed and alcohol.

“Oh my god, you’re like no fun are you? Live a little, girl.” One of the kook girls hanging off Kelce’s arms says, making the surrounding people laugh in response as their eyes dart to you.

And the worst part? Rafe laughs along with them.

“Alright then.” You mutter quietly, making the same girl holler in excitement as Rafe smiles, gesturing to the lines of cocaine he’d organised.

“All yours, baby.”

And as you sniff up the line of coke, you wonder when you’d let Rafe have so much power over the way you perceived yourself.

‘Cause it's always one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

The next morning you woke up to a regretful Rafe, the boy showering you with a million apologies for essentially forcing you to do something you’d never been comfortable doing in the past.

You’d assured him it was okay but he still preached his guilt, continuing to spend the remainder of the day spoiling you with a shopping trip and ending it with a walk on the beach.

The day had you feeling hopeful, Rafe had promised earlier on that he’d atleast stop doing cocaine around you so you wouldn’t be forced to.

This was progress…wasn’t it?

The hope you felt quickly diminished when you caught sight of your old friends, JJ and John B.

And JJ would be damned if he didn’t say hello to you, while you never talked much to the Pogues anymore JJ’s loyalty was impossible to extinguish. If the Maybank boy cared about you, he wasn’t ever going to let those feelings diminish.

“Ain’t this a sight for sore eyes?” A voice calls from behind you, making yours and Rafe’s heads whip around as you come face to face with JJ who is lightly jogging toward you both. John B trailing slowly behind as he adjusts two surf boards under his arms.

“How you been, y/n/n?” He asks, head cocking to the side as his messy blonde hair moves softly with it.

You open your mouth to speak but Rafe quickly cuts you off, hand tightening on your own “She’s good.”

JJ’s face immediately drops as he narrows his eyes, “Don’t think I was asking you, bro.” He says dryly as Rafe clenches his jaw.

“You gonna answer then?” Rafe spits out, making you look at him with pleading eyes, knowing by the look on his face that he was going to end this in a fight with you.

He simply gives you a glare and you turn to JJ, eyes not daring to meet his.

“Uh yeah, I’ve been good, you?” At your words Rafe lets out a scoff and you bite your lip anxiously, praying to whatever god that whatever has him mad will be resolved quickly.

“You know me, I’m always a’ight, you should uh come by the Chateau soon so we can catch up with ya…we’ve missed you.” JJ says, eyes trained intently on you as he ignores Rafe’s looming presence.

“Yeah, that sounds real nice.” You say, smiling softly and before you can say anything else Rafe is tugging you away.

“Yeah, real good to see you JJ, always a fucking pleasure!” He shouts sarcastically, ignoring how the blonde boy calls out your name when John B finally makes it to his side. You send an apologetic smile over your shoulder as Rafe’s hand detaches from your own.

“That sounds real nice?” Rafe parrots your words, eyes wild with anger as he scoffs to himself continuing his rapid walk back to the truck.

“What else was I supposed to say?” You ask desperately, running slightly to keep up with Rafe’s fast paces as he refuses to slow down for you.

“Rafe!” You call out when he doesn’t respond, the two of you now all but five meters from his truck.

That’s when he spins back to face you, face scrunched in anger as he points at you.

“I’ll tell you what your fucking problem is, y-you can’t be happy with what I’m giving you so you put on the sad kicked puppy act when Maybank is around for what? Huh? You fucking him or something?” Rafe shouts in anger, now towering over you as you all but freeze in your place.

“What? No I’m not fucking Jay, Rafe. I haven’t seen him in months, ever since you told me to stop hanging round with my friends!” You say, voice trembling as you attempt to hold back tears of frustration not missing the way Rafe’s eyes flash with more anger.

“You might as well be fucking him, you got nicknames for him and shit?” He states mockingly, letting out a dry laugh when you go to correct your mistake as a force of habit from your childhood, he spins back toward his truck before you can even respond. “Go hang with Maybank for all I care, prove how much of an attention seeking whore you are.”

Your brows furrow as Rafe rounds his truck, clambering into it as you step forward.

“Rafe?” You call out, listening to him start his truck and rev the engine. You begin walking toward the truck but Rafe reverses so quickly that sand flicks up leaving you to shield your face when he spins the truck around,leaving you stood there.

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

You receive an abundant of text messages from Rafe later on in the same night as your pacing the small space of your room, nibbling anxiously on your nails.

Rafe 💜: am sory baby

Rafe 💜: Pogue get me soooooo pissed

Rafe 💜: I lobe u so moch ❤️❤️

You let out a groan of frustration at the words, your mind spinning as though you’d experienced whiplash. You didn’t know how to keep up anymore, you didn’t understand.

No, I don't understand

You: I love you too 🤍

And maybe in some masochistic way

I kinda find it all exciting

Like, which lover will I get today?

Will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?

Your sat reading on the dock at the back of your house, one foot dangling into the water when your phone buzzes.

Rafe 💜: coming over.

Your stomach churns with an excited sort of nervousness, mind reeling on how Rafe is going to be today.

His emotional imbalance had made such an impact upon your own that you didn’t know how to feel anymore, whatever you felt was never right in his eyes.

you: okay, on the dock <3

When you hear Rafe’s footsteps drawing closer you don’t dare look up, pretending to be engrossed in your book to see how he would react.

Whether he’d be his teasing normal self that you’d fallen in love with or the coked up angry Rafe that you’d grown to hate.

Rafe steps grow dangerously near and his voice comes along with them, “That book so interesting it mutes your hearing?” He asks, voice boarding on teasing as you look up at him a few meters from you.

You smile and shrug, “It’s a good book.”

Rafe cocks a brow, coming to a standstill in front of you as locks down upon you.

“That good book better than my presence?” He asks, and some part of you sighs in relief at his calm demeanour and undiluted pupils.

“Not a chance.” You say, holding your hands out for Rafe to pull you up and as he does he picks you up into a tight hug and spins the both of you around as you squeal in delight.

It's one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

“Come on baby, please.” Rafe pleads with you, hands tugging at the waistband of your pants in the country club bathroom as you give him a pointed look.

“Not here Rafe.” You say softly as he groans, head on your shoulder.

“We’ve done it here before.” He says in response, lips suckling on your neck as you laugh, gently prying him away from you.

“Yeah, when we weren’t at a business party with your father here.” Rafe then stands to his full height, his jaw ticking and your stomach immediately drops at the quick shift in demeanour.

“My father’s never seemed to bother you before.” He says, referring to the abundant amount of times the two of you have fucked in the house while Ward was just downstairs.

You sigh softly, “We’re at a business party, baby, I promise when we get home-“

Rafe withdraws his hands from you and runs one through his bangs, “Whatever.” He mutters, moving swiftly toward the bathroom door as you reach out for him.

“Rafe, talk to me, what’s wrong?” The boy in question turn his head and rolls his eyes.

“What’s wrong is my girl is more interested in my father than me.” He says simply, shrugging as he goes “I didn’t even wanna fuck anyway, you make it to much work.”

And like a child who’d been refused his favourite toy, Rafe leaves you stood there swallowing the all too familiar lump in your throat.

No, it's back and forth, did I say something wrong?

It's back and forth, goin' over everything I said

It's back and forth, did I do something wrong?

It's back and forth, maybe this is all your fault

Instead it's one step forward and three steps back

Rafe had been giving you the silent treatment since you’d gotten to Tanny hill, only exchanging a grunt in response to you when you placed a kiss to his head as you sat beside him.

Your mind was raking over whatever it is you’d done wrong as you sit on his bed, anxiously waiting for him to come off of the phone to see if he’d talk to you.

You’d be a fool to yourself if you said this wasn’t a regular occurrence, Rafe constantly gave you the silent treatment in response to something.

And then he’d act like you were stupid for thinking such things.

You’re mind couldn’t pin point a thing you’d done wrong nor could it pin point anything you’d said wrong.

You should know by now that this is Rafe’s way, when he’s annoyed at everyone else he takes it out on you. When he doesn’t want to face his own emotions he pushed them onto you so you can face them. Like his own personal punching bag, you should know it’s not your fault yet you feel like it is every time.

When Rafe re emerges from the balcony, he lies down on the bed beside you as you remain sat up trying to find the courage to ask him the question that often leads to him essentially biting your head off.

“Are you mad at me?” You blurt out, turning to look at Rafe who sighs loudly in annoyance.

“Not this shit again.” He groans, rubbing a hand over his face as you fiddle with your fingers.

“I- you just seem quiet today s’all.” You point out and you can predict Rafe’s response before he even says it.

“What? I can’t be quiet now? It’s all good when you wanna be quiet but when it’s me I’m suddenly mad at you?” He asks rhetorically as you shrug half heartedly, avoiding his gaze as he sighs again bringing himself to a sitting position as he places his chin on your shoulder.

“Stop asking me stupid shit, a’ight?” He says and all you can do is nod numbly.

And I'd leave you, but the roller coaster is all I've ever had

As youre walking out of Tanny Hill, face wet with tears due to another screaming match with Rafe, a voice calls out your name from behind you.

You’re quick to wipe your cheeks when you realise it isn’t Rafe, it’s Sarah.

You turn, forcing a smile onto your face as she approaches you, and by the look on her face you know she heard.

“Hey Sare, everything good?” You ask, voice hoarse due to the amount of shouting and crying you’d done.

“I should ask you that, are you okay?” She says softly, brown eyes so kind that your heart nearly breaks to think of how much anger her brother’s blue ones hold.

“You heard, huh?” You ask, watching as she nods, “Look, he- he’s just had a long day and-“

“Y/n, he’s always either had a long day or he’s had a fight with our dad, that doesn’t justify the way he treats you.” She states, deja vu hitting you remembering the similar conversation the two of you had but in that conversation she’d been cautious with what she’d said to you but it was obvious now that caution had gone out of the window.

You stand silently, biting your lip as you look at your former friend “But he loves me.” You whisper, as if that justifies anything.

Sarah’s face breaks out in so much empathy that you swear you can hear both of your hearts break, “Love isn’t supposed to be that hard.” She says and you suck in a harsh breath, “He does love you but…not in the way you deserve.”

Tears roll down your cheeks once more as you respond, “How am I supposed to know what I deserve? I’ve never known anyone else’s love apart from his.”

Sarah immediately brings you into her arms, hugging you so tightly that you have no choice but to let yourself fall into the embrace.

Yeah, it's one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy

I don't understand

You and Rafe sit silently together at one of Rose’s infamous parties, your eyes trained intently on both Sarah and John B as the Routledge boy spins her around whilst watching her with such a lovesick expression that it makes your stomach churn.

You don’t think Rafe has ever looked at you in such a way.

Not even Ward argued with the fact that Sarah was dating a Pogue, JB was so fiercely in love with his daughter that everyone with eyes could see it. He worshipped the ground she walked on making you come to realisation that Rafe had never been that way with you.

Your head turns to said boy as you speak up, “Do you love me?” You ask, making Rafe slowly turn his head toward you in return, the motion slow due to how high he is.

You don’t think he’s been sober properly since you got together, and you know he won’t be sober any time soon.

You’d helped him in every way you could, he threw it all back into your face.

He needed to figure his shit out for himself now.

“You really asking me stupid shit again?” He asks harshly, yet this time, you don’t waver in your response and you chose to ignore the lump in your throat.

“It’s a simple question, Rafe.” You state calmly, eyes twinkling with such a small amount of hope for whatever thread is hanging on in yours and Rafe’s relationship.

Rafe simply stares at you, as though he can’t bring himself to say the words he’s always eager to say when he wants to get you into bed.

You nod, hope dying out as the thread finally snaps and you unlatch the necklace he’d given you, signifying you breaking free of the prison he’d had you in for over a year.

“I hope you get better Rafe, but I don’t think you’re ever going to do that when you’re with me, I don’t want to be the thing that takes on all your shitty emotions…you need to face them for yourself.” You say, gently prying apart his clenched palm and placing the necklace there before you stand up.

Rafe is quick to follow, calling out for you as you walk away, ignoring the multiple gazes on you and the attention drawn toward you at Rafe’s desperate shouts.

Somewhere in the crowd, Sarah and John B watch with small smiles, happy you’d finally made the first step for yourself.

No, I don't understand

Two weeks later and you’re sat on the front porch at the Chateau, hair flowing softly in the morning breeze as you watch the sunrise.

Rafe had been non stop texting you during the duration of your split, words of love and hatred that you still couldn’t begin to understand no matter how hard you tried.

You did come to the realisation that he’d never even allowed you to understand him, despite how hard you’d tried.

He’d attempted to come to your house but you’d made the wise decision to crash at John B’s, rekindling your friendship with the Pogues as they welcomed you with open arms. Eyes filled with immense guilt for not realising how bad things had gotten with you and Rafe but also with so much love that you’d felt overwhelmed, you didn’t realise such love still existed.

You smile softly to yourself, eyes dancing over the colours coating the sky and you decided things would be okay.

You’d be okay.

[formulawolff]

i. alkaline - t.w.

pairing: female driver! x toto wolff

word count: 2.7k

warnings: cursing, significant age-gap, power imbalances, slow burn, eventual smut, inappropriate work relationships, mentions of infidelity, drug/alcohol use, use of common fic tropes

synopsis: as the first american female driver for formula one, you are thrust into the competitive world of racing. when you are approached by a team principal willing to make a deal, you presented with the opportunity of a lifetime.

author's note: this is my first f1 related fic, so i may have made some errors in terminology. the title is based on the song alkaline by sleep token. i recommend listening while reading! please, please, please let me know if you like the fic! i plan on making this my first f1 series :')

racing was never in the cards. 

well, racing a nearly 1,800 pound car was never in the cards. 

especially at speeds reaching two hundred miles an hour. 

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

yet, here you were, shaking james’ hand, beaming as the cameras flashed. there were a flurry of voices, all of them nearly trembling with excitement, relief, and well, hope. if you were able to accomplish eighth place today, what did that mean for the future of williams racing? 

would williams be a sizable contender for the 2025 constructors’ championship? would they be able to squash the disbelief? the doubts? hell, if you kept this up, there was a chance that you could get williams into the top ten of the 2024 championship. 

were you what they had been missing for so long? 

were you the key to their future success?

“great job,” james’ voice is nearly hoarse, more than likely from all of the celebration, “you wouldn’t believe what they’re saying about you.” 

“probably nothing great,” you scoff, rolling your eyes slightly, “i’m sure that everyone is claiming i didn’t deserve it.” 

“quite the contrary,” a chuckle bubbles up from his throat, “they all adore you.” 

“was it because i gave the camera the finger?” 

“no,” there is a slight twinkle in his eyes, quite the contrary from what you were used to, “they love you because you’re you. there is no one in this sport who is quite like you.

there’s an authenticity that cannot be replaced. it’s obvious you have a true passion for racing. it shows on the track. good job, today.” 

heat flourished into your cheeks, tears welling up at james’ words. after years of being ridiculed by team principals, attacked by fans, and bashed by the media, praise was something to be cherished. it was always welcomed warmly, your heart swelling as james brought you in for a sweaty embrace. 

“thank you, james,” the words are slightly muffled as he squeezes you gently, “you know how much that means to me. thank you for believing in me.”

“of course,” james murmurs, rubbing your back ever so slightly, “great job, american girl. you deserve this. go do some interviews, flash that beautiful grin of yours, and then get some rest. you need it.”

“no partying?” you arch your brow, “i think i deserve a drink or two.”

“maybe a little bit,” another chuckle rings out, “i just don’t want to see any press about it in the morning. that’s the last thing we need after our victory today.”

“right, right,” you nod your head, saluting the principal, “aye, aye captain.”

“it’s principal,” james shoots you a wink before turning to several engineers, the group getting swept away into the chaos. 

no matter how well the team did, there was always chaos after a race. it was typical, routine even. there was always the pit crew cleaning up, shouting to one another as the fans trickled out of the stands. engineers milled about, tablets in hand, murmuring to one another, pointing out aspects of the car that needed improvement. there was always some piece of the car that could be adjusted, a slight tweak or advancement. it could make the car faster, or it could only lead to inevitable disaster. 

exhaling, you stroll out of the paddock, the dread of facing the press weighing down every step. 

you could turn around, and hide in the paddock. 

however, this was part of being a driver. simply a requirement of the job. press was an essential aspect of formula one. how else would the world know how you felt after that race? how else would information about driver contracts, car modifications, disqualifications be shared?

how else would the world have known about the first american female formula in formula one?  

you had to at least thank the press for that. 

even if it was shared before your official announcement that you were joining williams racing for the 2023 racing season. 

“there she is!” a voice calls out, light and airy. 

the corners of your lips tug into a smile as you see daniel ricciardo jogging towards you. before you know it, his arms are wrapping around your frame, holding you tight. he’s sweaty, per usual, but you accept the gesture, suppressing a giggle as he sways you back and forth. 

“i knew you could do it! i knew you could do it!”

“don’t puncture her lungs, please,” another voice chimes in, “i would like to keep her around, you know.”

daniel releases you promptly, placing a swift peck on your cheek, “no need to fret alex. i’m not that mighty.”

“i’m more worried about contracting any diseases from the land down under,” scrunching your nose, you wave your fingers at daniel, earning yet another laugh from the australian. 

“the only disease you’d contract are my insanely good looks.”

“here we go again,” alex rolls his eyes, “are we ready to face the press or what?”

“i think so,” daniel shrugs, “go ahead, alex. we’ll follow you.”

alex shoots you an inquiring glance, but begins to walk in the direction of the conference room. once he was a reasonable distance away, daniel clears his throat. 

“someone seemed a little jealous.”

“i wouldn’t say jealous,” you can’t help but defend alex, “he’s probably a little bitter.”

“fifteenth place is nowhere as good as eighth,” daniel points out, the notes in his tone solemn, “he’s been there a few years and seen subpar results. you came in last year and have pretty damn good ones. i’m sure he can’t help but feel a little bit of envy.” 

“maybe he just had a bad race.”

“you say that every–” daniel begins, but he’s swiftly cut off as you pull open the door to the conference room. 

all around, cameras flash, reporters chirp out questions, and phones are immediately pointed in your direction. sucking in a deep breath, you settle on the couch next to daniel, max verstappen across from you. he shoots you a thumbs up, complemented with a wide smile. alex was on your right, fiddling a loose thread. 

confusion consumes you momentarily once you realize that max was the only one from the podium to remain in the conference room. checo and carlos were not present. so why was he still here? 

daniel passes you the mic, placing it on your lap. a shit-eating grin plasters his face, and you grimace. of course he was going to make you speak first. hesitantly, you pick up the mic, clearing your throat. 

“hello, everyone. any questions?”

immediately a reporter butts in, “how does it feel to not only be one of the only women competing in formula one, but the first american woman to place in a race?”

your hand tingles as you hold up the mic, trembling slightly. public speaking was never your forte. fuck you, daniel. 

“w-well,” you curse yourself for stuttering, “i take a lot of pride in the way i compete, especially as such a trailblazer for women who love the sport. i’m aware that there is a lot of unrest and outcry concerning my gender and how i’m not ‘supposed’ to be competing with the men–”

“i think she’s a worthy opponent,” max’s voice interjects, “she competes at the same intensity as we do, if not more. she is going to be standing next to me on a podium in a matter of weeks. i’ve never met someone so driven to win or passionate about the sport. 

we pay no attention to her gender. it doesn’t affect us. we pay attention to her character. i do not want to speak for her, but i am sure she would appreciate it if you all refrained from the gender based questions. ask her about the race.”

as he finishes speaking, his eyes drift back to you, sparkling ever so slightly. his cheeks were tinged a pink hue from the passionate sentiment, and you couldn’t help but just sit there, frozen with disbelief. 

max verstappen, three time world champion, one of the best drivers to ever step foot on a formula one track, publicly praised you. in a room full of journalists, no less. 

sure, you were friendly with max. since there were only twenty drivers, most of you were close, on and off the grid. you had exchanged numerous conversations with max over the last year, but you were still a little intimidated by the dutch driver. 

of course, who wouldn’t be? he was a dominant force on the track, winning nineteen of the twenty-two races last season. 

so yeah, when he just did nothing but send you the uttermost praise in a room bustling with the press, you were going to a little starstruck.

“do you have any additional remarks to maxs’ comments?” a reporter snaps you out of your trance, “you appear to be a little off-put by what he just said.”

blinking, you bring the mic to your lips, “no, i actually appreciate what he said. maybe that means you guys will finally take me seriously.”

“are you under the impression that formula one does not take you seriously?”

as the reporter baits you to respond, a twinge of frustration brews in your stomach, churning it into a knot. sucking in a sharp breath, you focus your attention to the reporter. 

“no, that is not what i said. it is the simple fact that i have been working my ass off this last year to be a competitive racer. i’ve worked tirelessly with williams racing to place. i’ve been trying to earn points for my team because i believe in my team and i want us to succeed. yet nearly every day i wake up, someone on social media posts some bullshit or bashes me for competing. 

i’ve been making a name for myself, and look where it has gotten me. you all are more concerned about my gender than the race i just had. i think it’s a bit frivolous to be more invested in my gender than my racing. so yeah, when the three time world champion says something good about me, i would hope that you guys listen to it.”

there’s a few gasps from a few reporters, and you can’t help but notice all of the beady red lights on the cameras. of course that was all recorded. of course it was going to be blasted all over social media these next couple of days. 

so much for good press. 

setting down the mic, you lean over to daniel. the words are low enough so that only he can hear, “i’m done here.”

“i don’t blame you,” the aussie plucks the mic out of your hands, “get out of here. cool down. i’m sorry about that prick.”

“don’t worry about it,” you mutter, cheeks burning hot with sheer anger, “i’m leaving before i cuss them all out.”

“atta girl,” daniel winks, “i’d like to see that, though.”

“not now,” you bite your lip, “i need to bite my tongue.”

as you get up, max’s gaze is full of sympathy. alex’s mouths, i’m so sorry, disappointment painting his features. walking across the stage, daniel’s words drown in your ears. 

balling your fists together, the tingly sensation resides as you march towards your motorhome. tears blur your vision, strings of curses filling the air as you walk. after that little incident in the press room, james was not going to be happy. of course, after everything you accomplished today, it was diminished somehow. 

by an asshole reporter, at that. 

flinging open the door to the motorhome, you resist the urge to just scream. it would not help much, but god would it be cathartic. however, there were more important things to be addressed. you needed to decompress and settle down. 

as much as you wanted to celebrate with a few drinks, a shower, some comfy clothes, and your bed were more appealing. 

maybe a glass of wine in bed wouldn’t hurt. 

as you unzip your fire suit, a knock at the door disturbs the silence. 

shit. just as you were finally getting settled. 

groaning, you spin on your heel, making your way to the door. 

“daniel, i swear to fucking god. i don’t want to talk right now–”

however, it was not daniel standing at the entrance of your motorhome. 

before you was torger wolff, also known as toto wolff, team principal of mercedes-amg petronas. 

donning a white team button-up, the sleeves were rolled to his elbows, showcasing his muscular build. inky black slacks were on his lower half, making him appear taller than he already was. fluffy brunette hair stood up on nearly all ends, messy from the stress and chaos of the race.

however, there was no denying he was handsome. with sharp, angular features, and wrinkles scoured in his face over the years, it gave him a powerful yet stoic aura. 

like his name suggested, he was like a wolf, poised and eager to pounce.

yet, you were more focused on his eyes. a brilliant, warm, mocha-hued gaze framed by thick, dark lashes. and they were peering right at you, taking in the sight of you in your half-zipped fire suit, a black long sleeve underneath. 

your eyes widen, a hand covering your mouth. sheer embarrassment courses through you, heat flooding your cheeks, trickling down your neck, “i – oh my god. um, oh my god, i am so fucking sorry.”

clearing his throat, he arches a brow, “did i come at a bad time?”

“no,” you shake your head, perhaps a little quickly, “no, no, no. please, come in. how rude of me.”

there is no readable expression across the austrian’s features, his lips pucking ever so slightly, “it won’t be long, i promise.”

swallowing a lump in your throat, you step back, inviting the principal in to the motorhome. you lead him to the kitchen, gesturing to a barstool, “you can sit here if you’d like.”

he glances at the stool, yet does not sit. your brows furrow as he remains standing. leaning against a counter, you fold your arms across your chest. 

“is there a reason you stopped by?”

“as you know,” toto begins, “lewis is leaving mercedes after the 2024 season. he will be joining ferrari in 2025. to put it simply, i am on the hunt for my second driver.”

your lips purse, “i’m not sure why you came to me. you would have better luck with carlos. he’s looking for a team. i made a verbal commitment to james. i’ll be staying with williams through 2026.”

“is that so?” toto inquires, taking a step towards you, “and why are you choosing to stay with a team that limits your potential?”

the question takes you aback, “i’m not sure you what mean.”

rolling his eyes, he tuts, “williams racing is nowhere as near as competitive of a team as ferrari, redbull, mclaren, or mercedes. for years they’ve been piddling around, finishing at the bottom of the championship. yes, their drivers are talented, but they are not given opportunities to thrive.”

his comment sends another wave of anger coursing through you, your fists balling at your sides, “you have no idea what you’re talking about–”

“actually, i do. i’ve been around a long time. i’ve seen a lot more than you ever have. james is a great team principal, but you are not going to compete if you stay at williams. eventually, you’ll be like alex. you’ll finish with mediocre results. you’ll lose faith in the team who you once cherished so deeply. you’ll be ridiculed even more by the world of formula one, even more so than you already are.”

gritting your teeth, you take a step forward, “i think it’s time for you to leave.”

“what?” toto cocks his head, “did i say something you didn’t want to hear, little dove? did i strike a chord?”

“i think you’re just projecting,” you maintain your composure as the principal scoffs, “that’s exactly what happened to lewis, and you’re afraid it’s going to happen to george.”

“you’re a smart girl,” it takes a moment for you to realize how close the two of you had suddenly gotten.

he was in very close proximity now, only a few inches apart, looking down at you with a wickedly smug grin, “and i know that you’re very aware that formula one is a business. i have to maintain the mercedes reputation and acquire a driver who will bring us home podiums.” 

“i think you’ll have that luck with carlos,” breaking away, your gaze settles on the door of the motorhome. 

fingers grasp your chin, tilting your head upwards. 

“but i want you to drive for mercedes. i want to make you a world champion.”

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖✩₊˚.⋆

please let me know if you would like to be tagged! thank you for reading! <3

[shootingstarwritings]

A Beta makes, an Alpha takes

TW: homophobic slurs

Eduardo Garcia was a content creator who, like many others in his field, lived in the SolCal area. He was a self-described ladies man and an amateur pick-up artist. Most of his videos and livestreams focused on giving life advice for men. That night was the same as it always was, with Ed saying his catchphrase, “A beta makes, an alpha takes,” to his impressionable audience.

Once the stream ended and he counted his donations, Ed made his way to the bar. It didn’t take long for him to find another girl to screw. His type was always the same: eager young women new to town and looking for something deep and steady.

After a long and sensual session, the girl whose name he forgot asked if what Ed wanted for breakfast that morning. She had wanted to cuddle, but Ed’s protests kept her at bay. Ed pretended to think for a while before saying, “I’ll treat ya. It’ll be a surprise,” before kissing her.

Around five the following morning, Ed snuck out of her apartment having lost zero winks of sleep that night. ‘Not my fault there’s so many suckers in this town,’ he thought to himself, grinning the whole way back to his apartment. ‘They wouldn’t fall for fellas like me if they had a lick of common sense. I just do what I do. If they don’t wise up then it’s on them.’

That morning should’ve been like all the other ones for Ed. He was in a fantastic mood to grab a quick bite and then spend some time in the gym after scoring as hard as he did the night before. However, just as he reached the floor his apartment was on, he caught sight of his neighbor standing unusually still.

Carlos was exactly everything that Ed hated about the SolCal area. They were in the same field as influencers, but Carlos focused more on “Affirmations of the self,” and “Queer rights,” and other stuff Ed had long-since forgotten about. Carlos had gone to great detail to explain, but Ed had mostly tuned out whatever didn’t relate to Carlos’ follower count or the cash he was making. Knowing the two would never get along, Ed preferred to avoid Carlos altogether, even if he did secretly wish the two would collab so that Ed’s follower count would grow.

Yet, on that morning, Ed couldn’t take his eyes off of Carlos. He stood in front of his apartment door, staring blankly ahead. A few moments passed, but the man didn’t even blink. Ed knew he should just leave him along and mind his own business, but a nosy part of him urged him forward.

“Hey man,” Ed called out, “You okay? You’ve been standing there for like an hour or something.”

Carlos’ head immediately snapped towards the direction of Ed’s voice, causing the latter to nearly jump out of his skin. “I was unable to court another female,” said Carlos in a stilted, unnatural tone. “I was reviewing what I did wrong. Forgive the intrusion.”

‘Court another female. So the fag’s trying to get with chicks, now?’ thought Ed before being struck by a genius business idea. “Good on ya, man!” Any prior concerns about Carlos’ odd behavior were discarded to the wind as Ed wrapped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed. “Good to see ya swinging for the right team. ‘bout time you dropped all that fag shit,” he said, pointing a thumb to the pride flag hanging on Carlos’ door.

“Fag shit…?” echoed Carlos, but he didn’t offer any resistance as he was guided to Ed’s apartment.

“You came to the right place, my friend. Nobody knows how to pick up the ladies quite like this lady-killer.”

“You kill them?”

“Ha-ha! Aw, ya crack me up, big guy. C’mon, I’ll give ya a few pointers.” For Ed, giving Carlos several of his lessons and even showing him the streaming setup was an investment. He was gaining much money from doing this, but all he needed was to win Carlos’ trust over and he’d be swimming in new subs and a brand new market to sell. There just had to be guys who played for both teams on Carlos’ faggy audience, he assured himself.

After about half an hour of coaching, Carlos repeated Ed’s lessons like a college student cramming for a final. “A beta makes, an alpha takes.” For whatever reason Carlos seemed particularly fond of that phrase.

“We’re the men. The providers! That’s why we gotta remind this pussified society who’s really in charge. The alphas,” said Ed, flexing his bicep to punctuate his point. His body was one of the few things he had worked honestly for. Steroids and diets were a frequent topics in his online rants. To Ed, if one couldn’t get a body like his naturally, then they couldn’t call themselves a real man.

“And this has worked to acquire mates?”

“Mates? Bro, I’m swimming in pussy. And soon you will too,” said Ed. He lightly tapped Carlos’ chest. “With a bod like this? It’ll be even easier. Stick with me and I’ll get you laid. Just, uh, don’t forget ‘bout that collab I mentioned.”

Carlos, after what seemed like an eternity of stone-cold stoicism, finally cracked a smile. “Yes, I would love to collaborate with you.”

“Awesome! Lemme get something to celebrate.” It was still early in the morning, but it was always five o’clock somewhere, right? Ed made hi way over to his fridge and pulled some of the quality beer. The cheap stuff was reserved for those rare moments he had a girl over. “We gotta celebrate this new friendship of ours, my man. I got--!”

Carlos tackled Ed as he walked back to the living room. The two crashed onto one of his couches in a mess of struggling limbs. “Yo, what the fuck, man?!” cried Ed. He tried to push Carlos off, but froze as he saw Carlos’ body convulsing and his eyes rolling up, showing the whites. Seizure? Stroke?

Before Ed could reach for his phone in his pocket, Carlos leaned forward and locked lips with him. As soon as the two made contact, a slimy creature flowed from Carlos’ mouth into Ed. Once the substance made contact with Ed, his body began unresponsive. He tried to struggle and push Carlos off of him, but his arms remained heavy and limp. More and more of the slime pumped into Ed until Carlos’ body, unconscious yet still convulsing rolled off of the couch.

Ed couldn’t move but he could still feel a chilling sensation spread throughout his body, filling him up. The slime crawled down his throat and began to expand inside of him. Most of it traveled down his esophagus and began to assimilate his core, arms, legs, and toes. Each limb seized and shook as it became corrupted by the invader.

Ed tried to scream as it fell the creature fill his head and coating his brain, yet he could do nothing but endure the sickening yet pleasurable feeling. It was filling him up, and for whatever reason, Ed couldn’t help but enjoy the way the creature dominated him. His body, still unresponsive to his pleas for help, merely humped the air and sensually moan as it was taken over.

Eventually, Ed blacked out. The last thing he perceived was his hands touching his face and his own laughter.

~~~

‘Please, give me my body back,’ whined Ed.

“Give it a rest, Ed,” the creature possessing Ed said, grinning to himself. “Thank you for providing this impressive specimen, by the way. I quite enjoyed the takeover.” He tilted his head as he read the magazine. “Hmm, you are well-endowed, indeed. Perfect for my mission.”

A few days had passed since the creature slithered into Ed’s body. Ed had woken up to see his body piloted by some kind of foreign invader. Despite Ed’s pleads, it refused to give up control, saying, “I’ve been needing a strong and virile specimen to breed and spread.”

‘You can’t fucking do this to me! It’s not right,’ Ed begged from the recesses of his own mind. ‘I’m a human being. I don’t deserve this!’

“Your mind is intact, is that not enough for you?” the creature said as he jerked Ed’s cock in the couch. “You could have ended up like my previous experiment. Right, Carlos?”

“Right you are, my alpha,” said the thing inside of Carlos. Ed tried to look away from Carlos’ naked and puppeted body, but the creature didn’t have the decency to give him that.

Carlos was not the creature’s first victim, but it was the first that didn’t suffer massive brain damage from the creature’s invasive efforts. However, the creature still hadn’t quite managed to access Carlos’ memories and personality. It had managed to figure out the basics and just needed one more attempt to do a proper possession. Ed was the creature’s first success, and it wouldn’t be the last.

“What else do you wish, my master?” said Carlos as he eagerly marched over to Ed, swaying his hips and sticking his ass out as he spoke. “Do you want to breed me once more? Fill me up with more of your spawn so I may go and spread?”

While Carlos hadn’t suffered brain damage, but the trauma of the invasion caused him to become catatonic. To remedy this, Carlos was the first one to received the creature’s spawn. The creature, riding high thanks to Ed’s disgust at the homosexual act, fucked Carlos’ body and let one of its children pilot the still-living husk.

“Please, act a bit more like your host would. Keep reviewing the videos.” Ed mentally screamed to himself as his invader forced him to say that. Even if the creatures had little idea as to how to blend in society, the sheer amount of content that Carlos and he made would guarantee that they had plenty of references for impersonating them. “Later, I’ll pump you full. I just… need to explore this body of mine a bit more.”

Carlos cleared his throat before giving a sweet, nonchalant smile. “No prob, my man. Later we should go out, though. Get familiar with the area.” He winked and said, “Later,” just as Carlos always did.

‘Please, let me go,’ Ed tried once more. The idea of the creature doing this to his friends and family, acting like him the whole time, was a hell he couldn’t bear. ‘I-I’ll even hook you up with another better. Better bodies, just please let me go…’ Ed internally sobbed.

“You’re quite pathetic,” the creature sneered as it violated Ed’s body once more. “Where’s your bravado, Eddie~? You were swimming in pussy just a few days ago. Now you’re pounding men and craving cock.” Ed’s body let out a malicious laugh as ropes of cum erupted from his stolen dick. “It’s like you always said. A beta makes, an alpha takes.”

[ladyazurith]

So both of my current hyperfixations are Disney related. (Twisted Wonderland and Lorcana). And because of this I can’t help but think of the Lorcana cards in relation to Twist. 

If you don’t know what Lorcana is, a brief explanation is that it’s a TCG (Like Magic the Gathering, Pokemon Card game, Yugioh etc) but Disney themed. And it has three types of character cards, Storyborn, Dreamborn and Floodborn. 

Storyborn is basically the characters as they appear in their canon story. Dreamborn is basically what they dream of becoming. Easy enough (There are cards for instance where Maleficent wins)

Floodborn, is where the characters have been altered by the ink. Their story changes completely. That's how you end up with things like “Gaston: Intellectual Powerhouse” where he’s a mechanical genius. (one of my personal favorites because of how funny it is.) 

There is also Lady Tremaine who became queen: 

My absolute favorite Floodborn story is Cinderella’s. In her Floodborn story, she becomes a royal knight. Given I am a believer of the Caterella theory, it opens up a lot of possibilities for that dynamic. 

And while I know the only thing the two projects have in common are that they are both Disney IP’s, It’s easy to imagine Twist as part of Lorcana, an entire Floodborn world where the character’s stories were altered, giving us the Great Seven. Esteemed heroes of their world, rather than evil villains.

There are a lot of other examples too, and all would be fun playing with the different Twist characters.

This one would be very relevant for Silver:

And this one just absolutely screams Vil :

Anyway, I've always enjoyed AU's so Lorcana is definitely fuel for that fire where Twisted Wonderland is concerned. Also wonder if there is anyone out there who plays both games like I do.

[crescentpaws]

sims updates from yesterday:

- downloaded some more packs & stuff but i haven’t really tried them out yet (rlly want to make a mermaid with island living but idk how to make it kotlc related…. maybe tarina can be a mermaid or something? 💀 idk.)

- i got one of those calls from bronte that was like “oh i think fintan is going to propose what should i do,” but for some reason he called tam???? no idea they were friends but ok. so i made tam tell him he needs to decide for himself because. he is a teenager and i don’t know if he’s the best person to ask here. but then i got THIS message and i started laughing so hard 💀

LEAVE TAM ALONE LMFAO

- next time i went to play as fintan tho it said that the two of them were engaged so like??? clearly he said yes. also mad that he proposed without me there 😒 bitch

- HE’S FUCKING BACK. WHAT THE HELL!!!!

GO AWAY!!!! can’t even kill a guy without him coming back to haunt me smh.

- fintan does not know how to play piano

- built a cottage (aka i downloaded one from the gallery and edited it) because i got the cottage living pack & i’m planning on having the gay ass elves move there once they’re married 🤞 because it’s not super close to any other house so i think they’d like the isolation.

- had fintan go there to check it out & i got so excited because i saw wild rabbits and they were so cute ><

he has a complicated relationship with this one though.

(also the house i downloaded came with chickens and they are evil for some reason??? which i wasn’t expecting but fintan would definitely have evil chickens so.)

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Some replies! Mostly about weird dicks and ehh having kids I guess…

characharing asked:

''Is Ruggie's grandma packing?'' OF COURSE SHE IS, ANON, GILF RIGHTS

Yesss!! POWERFUL GRANDMAS OF TWST!!

Anonymous asked:

Somtimes i feel like when I leave this blog for a few days, idia gains like, 270 new kinks

Exactly, now imagine how Idia feels. Every new day should feel like a holiday, but he sure is struggling lol

Anonymous asked:

Yesss, Riddle gets to savor all the exotic dicks whether he likes it or not as the Queen intended. Wonder which one he'll like the most? I feel like Deuce might also join in but probably by accident

I am a romantic at heart, so I would assume that Riddle’s favourite one would be the long, supple and slippery eel one. It just sounds right. 😌 It’s also probably the most unpredictable because it moves, and Riddle hates unpredictability, so we get a perfect match.

Deuce would definitely join in by accident, and he would probably feel kind of guilty for enjoying the exotic dick so much… maybe because of how much adrenalin and panic he felt when he experienced knotting for the first time, but his body reacts very strongly to Jack now. And experiencing one of the tweels would feel so weird that it would actually fry his brain for a couple of hours…

Che’nya should visit NRC more often. For no reason in particular, he just should.

Anonymous asked:

On the topic of parents, I was asking myself who would be the most likely to raise a kid together in canon in the future, and I think that if Kalim has kids he will definitely rope in Jamil, no matter the kind of relationship they have. His life would be even more at risk as the head of the Asim, so I can imagine he would try to get someone he can trust to become the legal guardian of his child/children in case something happens to him, and we all know that there is no one he trusts as much as Jamil. "And when I'll die you'll take care of them" "When!?". I don't know, it's just kind of funny to think about how even without Kalim, Jamil would still be stuck with the kalimlings (who probably don't even get along with da-, I mean, uncle Jamil)

Oh there is absolutely no chance for Jamil to get away from nurturing another Kalim, even if the first Kalim hires 10 nannies for the kid. For the sake of protection too.

“When I’ll die” lol so ready to kick the bucket and leave Jamil with kalimlings…what a word 😭 Jamil’s entire life is Kalim. Even if Kalim is gone, Kalim is still there. Maybe Kalim will do what his father did and leave 30+ kalimlings behind just so uncle Jamil doesn’t get lonely.

Anonymous asked:

out of the twst cast, who do you think would selfishly ~baby trap~ their partner? like tbh i don’t see floyd as the type, if anything a baby would make him fuck off lol

Yeah, a baby would absolutely make Floyd fuck off lol Which is ironic, because while I don’t see Riddle as someone who would necessarily do it, he gets pretty unexpectedly unhinged sometimes… I don’t see it, but I don’t not see it if that makes sense. It wouldn’t be a premeditated decision; it’s more like a crime of passion. If he manages to make a baby with magic somehow… the chances are super low, but considering how unstable Floyd can make him, never zero lol

To answer your question properly, I can’t think of many options to be honest, but two characters who came to mind first would be Malleus and Azul. My reasoning for Malleus: lay an egg => demand attention.

And Azul would do anything to tie a person to himself if he needs to; a baby would bring a lot of unnecessary expenses, but if nothing else works, putting a bunch of eggs inside his lover’s body is always an option. Wow, both of them are egg related…

We are talking about the boys here, but I feel like even if Azul was a lady, he wouldn’t want to get pregnant herself. The world would hear the most menacing “I’ve already paid the surrogate, Idia-san” ever.

Ortho could do it in a yandere scenario, I think. Sebek and Kalim are also suuuuper not likely, but somehow more likely than the rest of the boys.

[bifronse]

The Outsiders social media headcanons except they’re still boomers

Since Pony is writer, he has multiple platforms but primarily uses twitter. Pre-Musk, he’s verified and is relatively active on it. He’s used the internet since the advent of it so he’s the most familiar with internet culture and lingo. He migrates to Bluesky after the Musk takeover

Pony’s fanbase skews young because of his heavily character-driven novels, so he has a hoard of teenagers that always bug him

Darry makes a Twitter to follow Pony. Rarely updates and is the most dad twitter you can think of. Posting pictures of his grills and family, as well as occasional updates about his construction company. A chunk of Pony’s followers found him and jokingly hype up all his tweets, no matter how mundane. He doesn’t know how to feel about that

Two-Bit is on Facebook and follows all sorts of humor groups, and he is blissfully unaware that over half the content farm shit that shows up on his feed is AI. If you tried to tell him about AI, he’d just laugh it off because “I don’t get that stuff”

After Pony leaves twitter Darry vows to stop using socmed entirely because he doesn’t want to bother learning how to use another one, Twitter was bad enough. He fails miserably once Pony sends him a Bluesky invite because he’s still The Worrier and Needs to know what Pony’s up to

Steve has a Facebook and most of what he posts is either just reposts of articles he finds (being a retired drug counselor he’s always keeping tabs on drug-related research), simple life updates, or strong opinions about current day cars

Steve eventually mutes Two-Bit because the reposts of content farm slop became too incessant. He swears up and down that it’s nothing personal

Steve and Pony have a constant tension over politics. They both like and hate the same things but Steve is significantly more apolitical. As an example: Pony hates Musk for being a scumbag billionaire, Steve hates Musk because he hates Teslas. So whenever they talk IRL, afterwards they take to their respective platforms to throw vagues at each other. Thankfully they’re on separate platforms otherwise it’d be a nightmare

The Curtises are, eventually, pushed into making a Facebook so they can all keep up with each other. Pony’s page collects dust but Darry ends up using it more than he ever did Twitter because, well, his posting style was made for Facebook. He’s also able to properly promote his construction company on there

Pony had a tumblr that he had to stop using ~2017 because the asks got too aggressive. Why that happened is up to your imagination

Bonus resurrections:

Johnny is one of those older guys that somehow gets sucked into streaming video games. You know the ones. He’s decently popular despite not actually talking much

I’m a Dally Optimist so he’d be one of those guys that goes around on different platforms to spread awareness about the dangers of gang life and prison conditions

Soda may be in his late 60s/early 70s but that will NOT stop him from fucking it up on Instagram and TikTok!!! He’s handsome so that obviously makes the old man fuckers go crazy

Soda would catch wind of the “hyping up Darry’s boring tweets” and join in on it, so Soda’s crazy thirsty followers would find Darry. It is Darry’s personal hell but he secretly finds it hilarious. Get it grandpa!

[thewitchescreatures]

The Vagabond Pt. Three

Ayo! I got it done~ I have once again way overestimated how long a story was going to take me. I travel for work and thought that with all the city hopping I would be doing this trip I would not have time to actually sit down and work on the Vagabond thoroughly. But here we are! Wanna read the other parts? Check out my Masterlist here

Tag list: @kyoko-neko @strawberrypoundtown

....................................................................................

Werewolf!Oscar "Oz" Vi x Fem!Werebunny!Reader

Warnings: NSFW, cunnilingus, steamy shower time, lil hair, tail, and ear pulling, unprotected sex

You let out an awkward sigh as you locked your fingers together and rested your hands over your sternum. “So…” You began.

Oscar groaned as he supported himself on his elbows above you. It had been twenty minutes since the two of you wrapped up your hook up session. But much to Oscar’s mortification the swelling of his knot had not yet gone down and therefore he was still stuck inside you.

“This has seriously never happened before?” You ask. Skepticism is still dripping in your tone.

“(Name), for the hundredth time, no. My knot has never done this with anyone before.” Oscar grunted.

You laugh softly. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just… it's hard to believe you've never had this happen before in your… how old are you again?” You ask.

“Twenty six.” Oscar sighed heavily.

“Dude, how have you lived twenty six years and not had your knot swell up?” You question. “Like you've never even had this happen during a rut?”

Oscar groaned in frustration. “Can we stop talking about my knot, please??” He wheezed. His face felt hot with embarrassment.

“Okay, geez.” You giggle. “What's your family like?” You ask.

Oscar let out a dejected sigh and shot you an unamused glance.

“Oh what? Don’t give me that look. We are stuck like this, the least you can do is talk to me instead of pouting and whining about being stuck.” You grunt back at him.

“I don’t really do the whole… Talking thing, sweetheart.” Oscar sighed.

You suck your teeth slowly and loudly. “What’s your family like?” You ask again.

Oscar groaned loudly. “My mother is all I got.” He said. “My mother is the alpha female of our small pack, but she’s really the only blood family I got.” He said.

You frown. “Oh, Oz.” You whisper. Guilt washing over you. You mentally scold yourself for being pushy.

“Don’t feel bad. My parents were dumb college students when I came about.” Oscar said quietly. “But you know, I turned out okay without the old man around.” He added.

“You call this okay?” You ask and raise your eyebrow.

“What are you, a fuckin therapist?” Oscar snorted.

“No… But I could be. I’m a great listener.” You shoot him a playful smile.

Oscar bites his lip, trying to avoid smiling at your retort. “I'm good, sweetheart. Like I said, I don't really do the talkin thing.” He sighed again. 

“Maybe you could change that? Talking helps you know, Oz.” You smile warmly at him.

Oscar chuckled softly as he gazed down at you. “And what makes you think I am gonna change that for lil ol’ you?” He asked and cocked his head to the side.

“Well, your knot did swell for me.” You smirk.

Oscar’s smile drops. “That don’t mean shit.” He snorted.

“Suuuure.” You laugh.

“It don’t.” Oscar grunted.

“Uh huh.” You say in an amused manner. “I won’t push you into talking more, but you feel so inclined to share more… I will listen.” You said quietly.

Oscar exhales heavily through this nose as he runs his tongue over his canines. “You really want to listen to me talk about my life?” He asked.

You shrug. “If you feel so inclined to share.”

Oscar rolled his orange eyes. He looks off towards the wall for a moment. “My mom was nineteen when she had me.” He said. “She’s a good woman, a real “stay wild, moon child” type a’ woman.” He said. “She did her best to maintain our small pack and raise me.” He said.

“You said your mom is your only blood family, I thought werewolf packs were always related to each other in some way shape or form?” You ask curiously.

Oscar chuckled. “Usually, yes.” He said softly. “But the Vi pack is a little different. Aside from my mom and I, everyone else are wolves who lost their old packs in one way or another. My mom’s real big on that “found family” shit.” He said.

Your eyes sparkled with curiosity and awe. “I think your mom is a really strong and wonderful woman for doing that. Especially as a single mom.” You spoke softly, matching Oscar’s quiet tone.

Oscar laughed. “Yeah she’s a tough nut, emphasis on the nut.” He rolled his orange eyes.

You laugh. “She can’t be that bad.” You say and smile.

Oscar pursed his lips. “She’s got her quirks.” He spoke with a soft smile on his face.

You shift a little beneath Oscar. “Hey- I think you can-”

Oscar groaned and was already pulling out of you. “Oh thank fuck.” He mumbled as he sat up and stretched his arms.

You prop yourself up on your elbows. “Dramatic much?” You tease.

“Listen, as great as your pussy is…” Oscar paused.

You gasp playfully and place your hand over your heart. “Oscar Vi, are you implying that you do not like me?” You ask in mock hurt.

Oscar laughed. “Your pussy is great sweetheart, but not so great that I wanna be stuck inside you for the rest of my days.” He smirked.

You pout and whisper. “Rude.”

Oscar leaned forward and captured your lips in a chaste kiss before getting up from the bed and walking towards the bathroom. He nods towards the door. “Care to join me?” He asked.

“What? Don’t wanna talk about your life anymore?” You playfully chastise him.

Oscar groaned and leaned against the doorframe. “Are you going to take a shower with me or not, sweetheart?” He asked.

You giggle as you get up from the bed. You grab your phone from the desk to check the time. “Hmmm… I suppose I have time.” You say with a cheeky smile.

“Then what are you waiting for?” Oscar asks with another cocky smirk as he enters the bathroom to turn the shower on.

You quickly follow Oscar into the bathroom, your feet padding softly against the tile floor as the steam floods the bathroom.

“Listen.” Oscar began as he pulled the hair tie out of his dark brown locks, letting his hair fall to his shoulders. He then stepped into the shower wetting his face and hair under the hot water. “I don’t usually let girls stick around after sex, so don’t go getting any ideas.” He chuckled. “I’m just being courteous.”

You roll your eyes. “Don’t worry, Oz. I’m not gonna go and get attached to you just cause you invited me into the shower after hooking up.” You laugh as you climb in behind him.

Oscar shifts to the side of the cramped motel shower allowing you to pass him and step under the water to wash the sweat and cum away from your body.

Oscar stands behind you, which prompts you to turn and face him. Oscar brings the bar of soap and washcloth to your breasts. As he gently washes your chest he leans down to start kissing your neck.

You let out a soft groan, tilting your head to the side. Oscar’s teeth gently nip at your soft flesh. He drops the washcloth and soap to start fondling your soapy breasts.

“Oz.” You giggled breathily as his thumbs gently flicked your nipples.

Oscar sinks his teeth into the side of your neck, adding another hickey. You squeal in response, prompting Oscar to lick and kiss the bruise.

“Oz.” You groan again.

Oscar pulls back from your neck, admiring the bruise before slowly dropping to his knees. He places his large, strong hands on your squishy thighs and leans forward, running his tongue through your folds.

“F-fuck.” You moan out as you brace your back against the wall of the shower. Your hands tangle themselves in Oscar’s wet hair.

Oscar groaned as the hot water now washed down his body. He didn’t really care about being drenched by the hot water though, your taste was too good. He nipped and suckled on your clit like it was the best piece of candy he’d ever eaten. Savoring the taste of your sensitive bundle of nerves.

Soft moans continued to escape you as you gripped his hair. You then gasp loudly as Oscar reached behind you and grabbed your fluffy cottontail, tugging on it. You can feel him smirk against you as he continues to eat your pussy and tug.

Your legs tremble. “O-Oz.” You whine, pulling his hair a bit.

Oscar grunts as he runs his tongue through your folds. Eager to taste as much as he can. He then lifts your right leg and puts it over his shoulder for easier access to you.

You let out a soft squeak. “O-Oz, I’m gonna fall.” You whimper.

Oscar pulls back just enough to talk. “No you’re not. I won’t let you slip.” He chuckles before diving back into your pussy, lapping up your juices that mix with the shower water. One hand still pulling at your tail, the other thumbing your clit in small circles all while his tongue prods at your entrance.

Your legs continue to shake. Soft groans escape your throat, and your hands are now thoroughly tangled in his thick brown hair.

Oscar growls against you as he starts to lick faster. “Come on baby.” He groans against your aching pussy. “You know you wanna come again.” He chuckles as he presses his thumb against your clit.

You whine loudly and pull his hair, prompting another growl from Oscar. He brings his mouth up a bit and moves his thumb to nip at your clit.

You cry out in pleasure, yanking his hair some more as you come undone from his mouth.

Oscar laughs softly as he pulls away from your pussy.

Oscar stands up and turns you around. You brace yourself on your hands against the shower wall. “Oz!” You whine.

Oscar groans as he prods at your pussy with his throbbing cock. “One more time, one for the road.” He groaned as he leaned over and bit your shoulder before pushing himself inside you for the second time that night.

You moan loudly. “Condom?” You manage to groan out.

“Don’t worry baby.” Oscar groans against your shoulder as he begins to thrust. He stands behind you, one hand gripping your hip and the other gripping your long floppy ears. He yanks on your ears a bit and smirks as you whine and moan loudly. “I won’t… Push my knot in.” He moaned as he continued to thrust while gripping your body tightly.

You moan in rhythm with his thrusts, feeling too good to even argue with Oscar. You really can’t get over how good he is. How he manages to make simple actions feel incredible.

The way he pulls on your long floppy ears with each thrust, the way he squeezes your hips, the way his god damn cockhead smashes against your cervix. It all drives you insane, it makes your mind feel hazy and loud moans spill from your mouth.

“Oh- fuck- Oz. You. Feel. So. Fucking. Good.” You moan in a raspy wheeze. Your eyes roll back in your head slightly.

Oscar smirks through his own moans as he continues to pound into you against the wall of the shower. His hips meeting your ass with vigorous thrusts. He wants so badly to shove his knot inside you again. To feel your tight pussy squeeze his knot with all you’ve got. His instincts are screaming at him to knot you. To say “the hell with the pull out method, spill your seed damn it and breed her.”

These tempting thoughts are interrupted when you cry out loudly and your knees buckle slightly. Oscar was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t realize his knot was pushing against you. He gulps and grunts as he just barely manages to resist the urge to shove it into your needy cunt.

You wheeze. “O-Oz.”

Oscar lets go of your hip and supports you by your belly with his hand. His other hand is still pulling at your ears as he continues to thrust into you. “D-don’t worry, sweetheart.” He moans in your ear as his thrusts grow sloppy. “I’ll- Fuck.” He hissed as he quickly pulled his cock out of your pussy and spilled his cum all over your ass.

You whimper and shiver at the hot sensation. You pant and wheeze heavily as Oscar supports your body with his strong arms.

Oscar groaned as he buried his face into your shoulder.

“I take it…” You pause to catch your breath. “You don’t use the pull out method often?” Oscar panted softly and chuckled against your shoulder. “I do not.” He admitted as he reached around you to shut the shower water off.

[toothpaste-for-the-skin]

I’ve been stuck in my room for the past 3 days bc I’m still sick so here’s some pony(?) stuff

Largely inspired by this post that’s been living in my head rent free for a bit now. I really like drawing mlp stuff but I’ve never actually drawn seaponies or kirin and stuff before.

(Also I did have some ideas for the other ninja/Ninjago characters so I might do more of these if people like it)

[bleetusmcyeetus]

Oh my god I was NOT expecting to leave the Sun & Foxy fake date ep. mildly shipping Puppet and Foxy?? Help when I clicked on it I was kinda thinking “oh. More fake kidscove stuff. That’s always fun :)” but then everything happened and???????????? Huh??????? Like I don’t really ever ship TSBS characters just cuz it feels weird to me but?? Oh my god

[nightcrawlerzincorporated]

“Charlie left so suddenly without saying goodbye, he must have been pissed off!”

Haven’t you ever been at a party or social event especially for work and the “I must be home right now or I will die” instinct hits so you just leave? The ol’ Irish Goodbye? The Nurodivergent Shuffle? My social battery is completely drained so I’m yeeting myself immediately?

[lilgynt]

still sobbing my eyes so never having a weed free night again

[pepprs]

meant to post abt this yesterday and ik it’s kinda mean but i think the counselor i have rn is the worst one ive ever had possibly even worse than (or tied w) the one i had over the summer who kept ending our sessions well before the full hour was up when i was going thru a horrible time and kept spending the sessions mostly talking abt herself and her own problems. actually no now that i write that out she was probably the worst (though she was one of the warmest / nicest and our personalities meshedreally well so i feel bad saying that she was the worst). but the one i have now is so…. lke idk. my experience w the worst counselor made me rly want to work w a clinical intern again bc i wanted someone who would like. actuallytake things seriously and give me the time i was paying for and spend all of it talki ng abt the things i was paying to talk abt and draw from the most recent / cutting edge info instead of entirely personal experience (WHICH AGAIN I FEEL SO BAD ABT BECAUSE. my work is all abt healing each other by sharing things like that and i realt did like her but it just wasn’t appropriate i guess bc it was a counseling relationship!) but my current counselor is so… rigid and restrictive. like i think he is trying too hard to apply what he’s being taught and he seems like nervous and talking out of his ass and he masks that by taking up SO much space and spending like 3 minutes responding to every one minute i talk and literally like strongarmimg the convos and deciding what we’re going to talk about and moving us on to a new topic abruptly before i feel ready to move on and like taking time out of our sessions to do paperwork / admin stuff so he doesn’t forget later (and a lot of the time i think he’s doing it while im talking bc i see his eyes moving around his screen and the light on his face like he’s not even listening to me). and it fucking sucks. i want to crack him like an egg so bad and make him realize it doesn’t have to be this way but i know that’s not my responsibility and in our session last night i basically gave up trying to create enough space for myself and just let him steer things bc i was having side effects and it was just rly unsatisfying

[gyudons]

despicable

updates as of 22 oct

Travis Dermott knew that he would draw attention with his actions in the Coyotes’ home opener against the Anaheim Ducks at Mullett Arena on Saturday. The Arizona defenseman just hoped that the spotlight might shine on the issue that he was addressing, not on him.

“You don’t really want to go against rules that are put in place by your employer, but there’s some people who took some positive things from it,” Dermott said. “That’s kind of what I’m looking to impact.

“You want to have everyone feel included and that’s something that I have felt passionate about for a long time in my career. It’s not like I just just jumped on this train. It’s something that I’ve felt has been lacking in the hockey community for a while. I feel like we need supporters of a movement like this; to have everyone feel included and really to beat home the idea that hockey is for everyone.”

“I won’t lie,” said Dermott, who is playing on a one-year, two-way contract. “From the outside, it’s easy to see that I’m putting my career on the line for something. I definitely went through some emotional ups and downs that night, not regretting anything by any means, but I’d love to have maybe done a couple of steps a little different by making sure that everyone was aware of what was going on before I did it.

“I don’t want to put my teammates or my coaches or my GMs or the equipment managers in any kind of bad light when it’s their job to kind of look out for something like this happening. It was definitely something that I did just by myself and was prepared to kind of deal with whatever repercussions the league decides to push towards that. I’m not going to back off and say that this battle is won, but we’re going to find better ways to do it.”

As Dermott noted, LGBTQ+ inclusion is an issue that he has supported for a long time. Without getting into specifics, Dermott said the issue is personal for him because it impacts people close to him.

“I’d be lying if I said I haven’t shed tears about this on multiple occasions,” he said. “So yeah, it’s something I’m definitely very passionate about.

“I’ve met a lot of people that from the outside, it looks like they have everything going right in their life and they have a smile on their face every time they talk to you. But sometimes when we get closer to people and get comfortable enough for them to open up to you, you can see that there’s some pretty dark stuff happening to some good people. It doesn’t take too many times encountering something like that for it to really change someone.

“I’ve been blessed to have some of those opportunities put in front of me to really change my view of what being a good person means; what being a good father and a good example and role model means going forward. You really see how people are hurting and it’s because of a system that maybe no one’s intentionally trying to be malicious about, but until you’ve really had that first-person experience seeing people hurting from it right in front of you, it’s tough to kind of take steps.”

It would be a surprise if the league handed down any sort of punishment. The optics alone would add to the public relations damage that the original ban created. Even so, Dermott reiterated his desire to bring the entire franchise into the fold before he takes similar actions in the future, but he also made it clear that he will not be silenced on the topic.

“It’s not like I’m shutting up and going away,” he said. “I know more questions are going to be coming. We’re just going to be as prepared as we can be to just spread love. That’s the thing. It’s gay pride that we’re talking about, but it could be men’s health. It could be any war. It’s just wanting world peace. Everyone’s got to love each other a little bit more.

“Like my parents said growing up, ‘How awesome would it be to be the guy that people look up to?’ That’s what really hit home when I was a kid, especially from my mom. You want to grow up and be that guy. You want to be the guy that’s having the impact on kids like NHL players had on you. If they had been racist or bigoted, that’s going to have an effect on you.

“With how many eyes are on us, especially with the young kids coming up in the new generation, you want to put as much positive love into their brain as you can. You want them to see that it’s not just being taught or coming from maybe their parents at home. They need to see it in the public eye for it to really make an effect.”