#I guess it was a small enough amount that it just made my stomach hurt instead of making my throat swell but

[cookinguptales]

the nice thing about being back on my ketamine treatments is that I can bargain with myself re: takeout by being like "OH NO, GETTING INDIAN CURRY IS A MEDICAL NECESSITY..."

it cleans out your sinuses real nice, which is helpful before taking a medication nasally lmao.

anyway, I guess what I'm saying is that chicken makhani should be covered by my health insurance.

[its-in-the-woods]

'Down the Rabbit Hole' Chapter 1

Chapter two chapter three Chapter four

Pairing: Walton Goggins x You

Rating: None for this chapter future ones will be adjusted.

Slow build like novel damn length okay, Very Fluffy, Pinch of Angst, Relationship Development, Hurt/Comfort, Older man/ Younger(30s) women, Alternative universe, fictional work (IDK WHY BUT I AM PUTTING IT) Probably more as I go.

Synopsis: Working in film as a make-up artist is hard enough, but then Walton Goggins requests you, well it's way too easy to fall down the rabbit hole.

Note: they are both single, all for fun.

WARNING I do not have this all written out, I do have it plotted out, but it may be a little slower for chapters to come out. Please bear with me. If you know a Beta to edit please send them to me.

Getting the phone call that you're working with Liz again is surprising. You had encountered Liz several times, mostly as a day call trying to get hundreds of extras through a small window of time. She was well-known in the industry as being a giant pain in the ass. Though you had gotten along somewhat well with her, you had never quite felt like the women would have picked you as a second.

Sitting down in the production office you start to fill in paperwork. There is always so much paperwork. Thankfully this would have you working for the next four months. Four months of not having to fill out forms or wonder when your next job would come. Granted you had made a favorable impression with several other heads of department. But if everyone was honest the biz was saturated with less skilled artists who would bend over backward, or forwards, just to get a day in. You flick over the paperwork refilling the same information for the fifth time. 

“Hey, can I talk to you for a second,” It's Liz, done up to the nines as always. Touches of grey hair starting to show against the dirty blonde. She wears all black with a horrid mix of silver and gold jewelry. 

You follow the woman back, completely prepared for her to tell you that you will not be seconded to her. That you'd be moved to 2nd unit or something much more fitting for someone with just “five years of experience”. 

Walking into the little office you place the paperwork on your lap as you sit across from her. The walls have headshots of cast along with information underneath.  You don't pay attention, if you're working a different unit chances are you'd never see them anyway.

“Nice to see you again,” Liz says, you get a feeling that she was putting on a bit of a show. She’s put on a weird smile that doesn’t meet her eyes, not that you could tell she won’t look at you. 

“Likewise, hope you've been doing well,” You reply, you can't stomach being a kiss ass.

Liz makes a humming noise as she flips through the large binder. One of the the few things you both agreed on, is hard copy beat digital work. 

“At the moment you're not going to be seconding with me, you've been requested by the lead.” She gestures over to the wall.

You look over and see Walton Goggins’ face staring back at you. You chew at your lip, you've worked with him twice. Mostly while doing smaller rolls, he had always been easy to work with and hilarious.  

“Ah, I see.” You reply, trying not to act a little flustered. You'd never had an actor request you, it was probably one of the biggest compliments you could get.

“You and Trevor will be working together with Mr. Goggins. I've taken you've read the script?” Liz looked at you through heavy mascara eyelashes. You nodded at the question. “Good. It's pretty straightforward, anything with large amounts of blood will be dealt with by the FX crew. You're basically babysitting and making sure he doesn't wander off covered in gore.”

You can't suppress the laugh at the comment. You could picture the man getting driven away looking like he had murdered a small town. The Teamster would have a fit about cleaning that.

“Sounds good, I am guessing I can increase my pay and kit rental?” You push, requested or not you knew your kit was far better stocked than most. Whether Liz agrees or not would be a moot point.  You could always approach production for a pay raise. Running it through Liz first just kept accounting from jumping down your throat.

Liz stares at you for a moment, her mouth a thin line. For a second you think she may try to argue the wage. Instead, she flicks her eyes back down to her binder.

“Yes, Production has already approved a pay raise for both. As well as sending in a small request for certain products he’d like.” Liz passes you the paper without looking up. On the top is your wage and kit fee, along with product allowance. It's much more than you anticipate, but you keep that to yourself.  

“You can drop your stuff off at the trailer and then go grab what you need. Start things off slow.” 

***

Paperwork done and handed in, you grab timesheets, start packs and, any other office stuff you think the trailer may need. Driving down the narrow alley you park your little Honda Accord beside the make-up trailer. You unload several bins beside the steps before parking. Inside the trailer is pretty sparse. You set out to fill your drawers, stocking the place with all the necessities. Trevor shows up as you're starting to finish up. 

“Heyyyy,” He chirps, coming in with his own kit. The man is tall, slim, with a wicked smile, green eyes, and a riot of brown curly hair. He is a major flirt who loves to chat about anything and everything.

“Hey, Trevor. How have you been?” You give him a hug. The two of you had both started out at the same time and he was as close to a friend as you had in the industry.  

“Oh yah know, just living the dream!” He rolls his eyes, waving his hands in the air.

“Nice we get some space to spread out. Feels homey” You smile as you place paperwork into holders. 

The trailer was a newer model, with four stations, four chairs, mirrors, lights, and shelving. There was also a sink and hair sink. It was nice to have your own space. Often times you were allotted a small tent and much else. But here you had access to everything and it was warm against the never-ending rain. 

“Not to mention getting requested.” Trevor wiggles his eyebrows. “Like I didn't think that would ever happen.”

You both chuckle at the situation. You finish up and make sure all your bits and pieces are laid out. You’d print any notes for tomorrow and get them into binders. Also, need to make sure you are connected with everyone’s clouds. Digital wasn’t your niche but it was necessary. 

“Do you want me to grab anything for you? I am hitting up the usual haunts for goodies.” You ask, grabbing your purse. Downtown would be a nut house but having all the requested products was important. 

Trevor pauses the comb on his chin. “How about I text you the list I need? I think I need like four things?”

“Yep, that sounds good. I will see you tomorrow for camera tests”

***

You do three days of camera testing and running over lighting making sure everyone looks their best. It’s always a flurry, trying to find an easy groove that you all could work with. Liz took the first chair, Katie took the second chair, you were in third, and fourth was slated for fx. It was tight once everyone was in there and warm, but it worked and that’s really all you could ask for. 

Now near the end of the week came the first shoot day. Liz barely makes eye contact with you besides a ‘Good Morning’. You didn’t care, you knew what you needed to do, a detailed email had been sent out last night. Besides Walton, you had three other actors to take care of. Not surprisingly they were all male, Liz’s actual second was Katie. A petite woman with pin-straight blonde hair, a heart-shaped face, and a big personality. She loved doing anything cute and fun. So you got stuck with the rough end of things, but if you were honest that was your wheelhouse. Bruises, cut lips, red-rimmed eyes, bloody noses, looking a bit more disheveled and run down. Yep, all things you could do quickly and efficiently. Hopefully, the AD wouldn’t be too pushy. The first two men are easy enough, you and Trevor fall into a rhythm. Blasting some 80s music as you both drink Red Bulls and dance away. Katie joins in the fun as you all pretend to sing karaoke

The third man doesn’t show, which is annoying as hair in cream blush. You radio the AD who already sounds annoyed. He tells you he will bring Walton over ASAP to you. You let out a sigh and rub your face. You crack open another redbull and take a deep sip. The trailer ran on redbull, which was the preferable alternative. 

“Stepping up!” Yells a familiar voice. Walton comes in with a flurry, coffee in hand, sunglasses pushed up. He wiggles his way through everyone with polite hellos and hugs. He comes over and squeezes you into a tight embrace. You hug back your cheeks going a little pink. The man is striking both in looks and presence, his aura is calm and confident. His hair was jet black with silver sideburns, deep-set hazel eyes, and an infectious smile.

“Oh, it is so good to be back filming. Finally!” He flops himself into your chair crossing his long legs. He is already in costume well fitting jeans and a green button-up. 

“Nice to see you again.” You smile and get to work, “How’s the day treating you so far?”

“It’s been lovely, though I do miss the sunshine. Does it ever stop raining here?.” He chatters on. 

You finish skincare and get down to covering minor blemishes and making sure his eyebrows aren’t too wild. Trevor chitters back with the man as he sorts his hair into something a little neater than the fluff it was before. 

“There you are looking fantastic as always,” You croon and step away from the mirror. The man makes a shocked sound and inspects his face.

“Darlin’ you always make me look as pretty as a painting,” Walton giggles in a higher feminine voice, looking himself over in the mirror. 

“Oh hush,” You giggle back, “get your tight butt to set.” You shooed him out the door, he wiggled his butt and gave you a kiss on the cheek before swishing out the door. 

“That man is hilarious, it’s going to be a fun show,” Trevor stated with a chuckle as he prepared his set bag. “Do you think number three will show?”

You let out a sigh,” Probably not at this point, the AD is going to murder us if we don’t get to set now.”

***

Number three was standing on set, you felt anger roll over your shoulder. He was of average height with a face that looked as if he had a permanent scowl. At least you had brought an extra set bag. You grab the man’s arm firmly, hauling him away to stand under a set light. Trevor immediately trailed after you. He huffs and stands mostly still. You can smell weed on him, and judging by his red eyes he was stoned out of his mind. You hand him eyedrops, and the man sneers at you but puts them in. Letting some of the liquid spills on his face, you sigh.

“Look, nerves are normal.” You mutter more to yourself than anyone. “But coming here stoned and avoiding makeup and hair is not going to win you any brownie points.”

“I don’t need a lecture from you,” The man bites out, walking away as you tuck your brush back into your bag. You grumble and move over to your chair, you make eye contact with one of the AD’s who scoots over to you. 

“I apologize about Arnold not coming to your trailer, I didn’t realize he was here.” The man lets out his own sigh, “It won’t happen again.”

“He doesn’t like us at all. Going to make things a little tricky.” You reply trying not to call him a complete ass about him. 

AD nods his head, “I know. It will be dealt with.”

You walk over to the video village peering at the screens as you say hello to familiar faces. Everyone looked good, even Arnold, at least his eyes weren’t completely bloodshot. You take a particular look at Walton who seems to be letting himself get into character. Something flits in your heart as he looks up at the camera from under his brow. 

***

The day ends and you cycle through secondary actors, Arnold all but running out the door once he is done. You can’t help but glare at the man, the least he could do was say thank you for cleaning his dirty mug. 

You flop down in the chair as the rest of your coworkers clean their things. The buzz of your coworkers is somehow relaxing, you take a sip of cold coffee and clean your brushes. Another knock and you turn to see Walton walking in, he has run his hands through his hair so that it stands straight up.

You let out a chuckle, “Did you stick a fork in a socket.” Getting up to let the leading man sit in the chair. 

“Oh, this?” He says pointing at his head, “I thought it was supposed to look like this.”

The room erupts in laughter as he makes his eyes cross and sticks his tongue out pretending to be electrocuted. Shaking your head you get to work, skincare was just as important as the actual makeup. You were ever grateful the man thoroughly enjoyed being pampered and preened by everyone. Made your job so much easier. 

*I am definitely nervous about posting this. But I hope it's fun and cute. It's going to be a slow build and a lot of back and forth. But I promise it will be fun cute and a little moody. Just a pinch of angst cause why not. *

Chapter two

[tojiscumdumpster]

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ vii. reader

⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⭑๋࣭ summary page

please refresh your memory of the content warnings that's mentioned on the summary page. this chapter will include vi0lence.

 For some reason the takeout I ordered is taking longer than usual, which is strange for a Tuesday night. I was told a forty-five minute delivery time, but they’re fifteen minutes over. 

 Now that I think about it, they did sound pretty busy over the phone, so I guess a couple of minutes won’t be too bad. Hopefully they hurry because I am dozing off a bit, and I’d like to take advantage of my weariness since Toji isn’t here to comfort me before bed. 

 Just being without Toji for three days puts me on edge, however, he reassures me that Naoya is on standby if I need anything or if I feel unsafe. Not like I can while being in our home. Living in a penthouse has its perks. Great security. Code required entry. I think I should be fine. And after the party a few weeks ago, I don’t think I’ll ever see Suguru again. 

 I curse myself everyday for succumbing to the temporary pleasure he provided me those two times we had sex. Honestly, I feel embarrassed. I knew Suguru was a bit clingy but I didn’t think about it at the time because I wanted attention. The desire. The chemistry. The mind blowing sex and how he practically worshiped my body. All of it felt good. Now, I feel disgusted.

 It’s been almost two months since I met Suguru, and a month since I told Toji about my infidelity. He has admitted how much it hurt him that I stepped out on our marriage, but decided to work on forgiving me and move past it. I can’t say our marriage is perfect. We still have our small arguments, especially about me cheating, and I give him the space to express how he feels. I mean, there’s nothing I can say. I cheated. 

 Quite frankly, I’m surprised Toji and I are still together. Maybe something in me thought when I told him I cheated that he was going to use that as a way to finally divorce me. Because again, I thought he didn’t love me anymore. However, Toji made it clear that our love for each other should never be questioned.

 I know that now.

 A yawn escapes my mouth and I begin to wonder where the delivery driver is. I grabbed my phone to call the restaurant but before I was able to, a message from an unknown number came through:

Hi. This is your delivery driver. What is the access code?

  Finally .

Hi, it’s 02315.

I go to the bedroom to grab some cash from our safe and hear the doorbell ring. I just know as soon as I eat a good amount of food, I’m going straight to bed. Tomorrow I have to meet with Teresa to do some nursery shopping (maybe clothes and shoes, too) and I need all the energy for our early morning. 

 Although I know it’s the delivery driver at the door, paranoia causes me to look through the peephole and I see the delivery guy from the restaurant, in uniform, waiting for me. But the moment I open the door, my heart nearly sinks to my stomach seeing the delivery guy coughing up blood and behind him is Suguru, pulling a knife out of his lower back. 

 He falls forward, food spilling everywhere along with broken glass from the pop that I ordered. He’s… he’s dead. 

 Suguru killed him. 

 I gasp, and numbness finds its way to my knees that feels like they’re giving up on me but manages to give me enough strength to put distance between us. How he slowly locks the door behind him while giving me a sardonic smile fills nausea in my stomach. 

 Suguru’s purple irises darken to the color of midnight as he looks over my body. I feel violated. Disgusted. I’m trying to control my mind to prevent me from thinking about throwing up, but the more he ogles me, repulsion flares in my gut. 

 A man, that I had sex with, that doesn’t know what no means, is now standing in the middle of my home with a bloody knife and an intent of I don’t know what. I turn on my heels to run toward my phone, however, he breaks the distance in three long strides to grab me by my coils and pull me to him, causing me to yelp from the sharp pain I felt. 

 My breaths softly burst in and out, and salty tears trickle down my cheeks just thinking about what’s going to happen to me. 

 Will Suguru kidnap me? Kill me? The possibilities are endless as they spiral in my mind, but really all I can think about is Toji. 

 “Shh, don’t cry, sweetheart,” he whispers, kissing the shell of my ear that causes the slightest hint of vomit to rise up my throat. “I won’t hurt you. I would never do that.”

 “You’re hurting me now.”

 Suguru lets out a breathy chuckle, almost as if he’s mocking me. “Funny. I don’t remember you having an issue with me pulling your hair when my cock was inside of you.” 

  What was I thinking? 

 “What do you want?” I ask, trembling. 

 “I just want to talk, baby.”

 There’s one of two things. I can play along and listen to what Suguru has to say to give me time to think of what I could do. Or, find a way to get to my bedroom to get the gun out of the safe. 

 The former is my best bet for now.

 “Okay,” I answered. “We can talk. Just let go of me.”

 “Will you run if I do?” I shook my head, and although Suguru hesitated, he released my hair.  “I miss you, Y/N.”

 “You have a weird way of showing it.” I move to the other end of the couch to create a greater distance than before. Suguru attempts to come closer, but I put my hand up to reassure him. “Give me space.”

 He nods. “Anything for my pretty girl.”

 There was a time when hearing him call me his pretty girl made my stomach flutter.

 I loathe it now. 

 “How the fuck do you know where I live?”

 “Hm, coincidence. But be more careful giving out your code, angel. It’s dangerous.”

 “Are you sick in the head?” The question was rhetorical, but Suguru felt the need to answer. 

 “Love can make you do crazy things, Y/N.”

 I scoff. “ Love? Do you… think that I love you? That you love me?”

 “I do love, angel-”

 “We fucked, Suguru!” I yell at him, anger ripping through my throat and breaking past my tears. “I don’t know you, and you don’t know me.”

 He shakes his head, eyes softening. “That’s where you’re wrong, Y/N. I do know you.” He slowly walked toward me and I began stepping backwards. “I know your favorite bakery. I know that makeup store that you love going to every Saturday. I know how much you love reading. How much you love ordering from this takeout place. Oh, and don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll order you some more.”

 “Why? So you can fucking kill the next delivery driver?” I retorted. 

 “In my defense, he wouldn’t cooperate with giving me your order. I told him I was your boyfriend and the fucker didn’t believe me.” Suguru laughs menacingly while pulling out a handkerchief to wipe the blood off his blade. “Says he knows your husband. Your fucking husband that’s a pain in my ass.” 

 Clingy wasn’t the word to describe Suguru. Crazy. A complete psychopath. He’s fucking delusional. For all this time I’ve known him for, the very little that I know, he’s been building this illusion in his mind that we’re meant to be. That we’re in love. 

 Where did he get this from after sex and a few conversations about sex? 

 On the outside, it seems like I calmed down, but inside? Fear gnaws me. If Suguru claims he’s not going to hurt me, why is still holding the blade in his hand after he wiped it clean? 

 I need to find a way to get past him. Think, Y/N. Think. 

 “There’s other ways to show me that you love me, Suguru.” Reassuring him to make it seem like I’m interested in building a relationship is worth a try. “You don’t have to kill to prove that you love me. I feel it. I know you do. I’m sorry for doubting you before.”

 His brows raise in relief. “You do?”

 “I do, Suguru. I do,” I say softly. “You were there to make me feel special when Toji wasn’t.”

 “Don’t say his name, angel. He doesn’t deserve your breath.” Suguru comes closer to me and reaches for my hand. To keep the act that I’m on his side, I allow him to touch me. If I make it out alive, I remind myself to scrub my body hard next time I shower. 

 A slight shiver races through my spine as he caresses my face and sniffs the scent of my hair. Behind me there’s a bottle of wine I planned on drinking with my meal, and while Suguru takes his time embracing me, I grab the bottle and smash it against his head. 

 I don’t wait to see his reaction. My legs move on their own to where my phone is and I rush upstairs to my bedroom, but before I could make it to the fourth step, Suguru pulls me by my leg. And you would think he would be furious, boiling because of my betrayal, his anger is masked with a sadistic smile. 

 “You lied to me, princess. Why. Did. You. Lie. To. Me?” He asks me through gritted teeth. 

 I kick at him, hitting his chest and face to let me go, but he doesn’t budge. “Let go of me you fucking psycho!” 

 Suguru slices the back of my leg with the knife, deep enough to inflict damage, to which I scream in pain. But I know the pain is temporary. 

 While I continue to kick him, I throw my phone up the stairs and yell out to the digital assistant installed in my phone to call Naoya. I’m not near to know if it worked, but after hearing calling Naoya out loud, it’s dialing. 

 I managed to stand up on one leg despite Suguru still having my other in his grip, kicking him in his eye socket where it’s still bruised from Toji’s beating. Every bit of my power is used to jab my heel into his eye until he winces in pain and eventually releases me. 

 My steps are wide when running up the stairs, two at a time, to reach for my phone and rush into my bedroom. Naoya is still on the phone and I want to let out a breath of relief, but I can’t. Not with this fear rushing through me. 

 “Naoya? Naoya?” I call for him frantically, tears returning to my eyes. 

 “ Y/N, what the hell is going on? ”

 “Please come. He’s here, he’s-” I yelp and my body flinches from the abrupt banging on my door. 

 “Angel, come outside. Don’t make this harder for us. You know I don’t like scaring you.”

 “ I’m on my way now, Y/N. Go get the gun ,” Naoya orders.

  The gun. Right.  

 I ignore the excessive banging on the door and head to the walk-in closet, going deep back to where the safe is. My hands tremble when putting in the code, but I was able to get it open. I hate using the gun, let alone holding it, but it’s the only chance that I have at defense until Naoya comes. 

 “ Y/N, talk to me. What’s going on? ” I almost forgot that he was on the phone. 

 “I have it.”

 “ Okay, I’m fifteen minutes away, I’ll try to get there in five ,” he tells me. “ Just stay in the room. ”

 When I’m back in the middle of my bedroom, it’s quiet. I no longer hear the excessive force on the door nor him yelling. Something doesn’t feel right. Nothing in my mind will lead me to believe that Suguru just gave up, but what is he doing? 

 Is he thinking that the silence will bait me? That he left? He returned downstairs? No. The quietness is making me uneasy.  It’s too loud. Loud enough for me to hear how shallow my breaths are, and the thumping of my heart. 

 “Naoya…” I cautioned. 

 “ What happen- ”

  The balcony.  

 We live on the highest floor alone, so there was never any reason to lock the doors. My head whips to the window to find Suguru with a sinister smile on his face, waving at me with the hand that carries his knife, like everything is peaches and cream between us. 

 I drop my phone and hear Naoya repeatedly calling my name, however, I tune him out. Shooting through the window is useless when they’re bulletproof, so I cock back the gun and wait until Suguru steps inside. 

 “Stay right fucking there,” I demanded. 

 “Don’t you think this is some pretty intense foreplay, angel face?” 

 “What I think is that you’re a disgusting piece of shit that deserves to die.”

 He sighs, shaking his head. “I don’t think that’s a nice thing to say. We shouldn’t be hurting each other, princess.”

 “Stop fucking calling me that!” He steps closer but halts his steps from seeing me apply pressure to the trigger. “I swear on my life I will put a bullet through your head if you keep fucking with me.” 

 “You don’t mean that,” he says, solemnly. 

 “Want to try me?”

 He looks up in thought and I feel mocked for him actually considering taking a chance to step toward me. I can no longer be surprised by the extent Suguru will go just to prove he’s worthy to me, even if it potentially costs his life. 

 My reaction wasn’t quick enough to shoot him in the head when he charged at me, but I managed to get a shot in his right shoulder, causing him to drop the blade. It’s like Suguru is a beast and I am his prey, ignoring the pain that I inflicted on him to smack the gun out of my hand and pin me to the ground. 

 I try to fight him off of me, but my strength against him is no use. 

 “You’re being a bad girl, Y/N,” he rasps. “A very fucking bad girl. Why do you have to act this way, huh?”

 “Get off of me, Suguru!”

 “No! Why can’t you understand that I love you? I’m better than he is, sweetheart.” He lowers his face against my neck and breathes my scent in, whispering,  “Ask me. Do you need me to kill him? Is he in the way? Just tell me, angel. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

 At this moment, I fear for my life. I think of all the stupid decisions I’ve made throughout my life and hooking up with Suguru at the bar two months ago is my biggest mistake. As I cry out hysterically, I call for Toji like if I continue to do so, he’ll appear. 

 And for the minute I am hallucinating, thinking it’s Toji that’s calling back to me, it’s Naoya still on the line. I didn’t get a chance to respond to him before Suguru grabbed my phone. 

 “I’m sorry. Y/N isn’t available to speak right now,” he says, throwing my phone against the wall, which breaks. He then returns his attention to me. “Anyway, princess. Where were we?”

 Hell. . . That’s exactly where I’m at. 

previous chapter | next chapter

[astraymetronome]

Chapter 3

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 4

Sorry, this took so long to get out! I've gotten busy! My job actually just promoted me and I got my nose pierced.

His lungs were screaming as he ran. Flying was one hell of a risk considering that he didn’t want to rush through the potion in his system. He only had one of each and, even if it was faster, he couldn’t risk it. Tommy needed to get somewhere, anywhere, he could hide and act like he didn’t have a living thing in his stomach. Nausea was swelling up his throat as he ran but Tommy was well aware he wouldn’t actually purge his stomach or anything similar. 

The teen could feel the snow under his feet, he could feel the cold sapping through his entire body as he rushed from the city towards a cabin set deep in the snowy tundra. Making a journey completely unprepared was dumb regardless of everything, but doing it into a snow-covered land was even more ignorant but that wasn’t what Tommy cared for.

All he needed to do was run until his head was clear and he reached his destination! Techno was far enough away to be hard to locate which was a good thing, but the worst thing was that he was rough to reach in a bad situation. 

Tommy panted as he gave a very sheepish whine, his nausea was getting worse from the combination of stimuli. His feet hurt, his stomach hurt, his lungs hurt, Fuck. Everything hurts! He figured it wasn’t a good sign, considering his ungodly pain tolerance. He just needed to get to that shack in the middle of the forest. 

The middle of this fucking huge snow-ridden forest!

He got so caught up in his head, the thoughts of his discomfort and the uneasy pit in his torso, Tommy didn’t know how to feel when, out of nowhere, a heavyweight collided with his back. A squawk left his throat as he tumbled forward, wings flaring in response. He fell into the snow as the thing on his back buried its teeth into the fluff of his cape.

The creature behind him was warm and heavy, a growl building from its throat. He felt fear wash through him for a moment before the weight shifted enough he was able to unclasp the lock around his neck and roll away from the cape. He mourned the loss of its warmth but he was quick to pull a sword from his inventory, ready and completely prepared to shed blood to protect himself. 

Tommy’s eyes landed on a medium animal, it was mostly gray and white with a small amount of tan dressing its mussel. The animal’s eyes were narrowed, a red glint resinating in the black of its pupils as his eyes drifted down. A nice deep blue collar sat around its neck as the dog growled once more. 

“Liz?” He found himself whispering. The canine’s ears perked up at the word as it left his lips, her eyes shifting from a glare to a gaze of recognition as her tail began to wag away and a small bark left her mussel. She bounded forward, acting like a puppy that hadn’t seen their mother in years. 

Despite the cold digging into his body and his knees, Tommy didn’t hesitate to chirp as he opened his arms and eagerly embraced the dog. He smiled as Liz seemed to relish in his contact, barking loudly as she was pet and he scratched behind her ears. Her warmth was welcomed with how freezing his limbs felt from the surroundings. 

A pressure hit the side of his stomach, clearly some kind of swing or hit from the man inside Tommy held in a groan as he continued to embrace the animal. It didn’t take a genius to guess what the reason behind the attack was. Dream probably was still angry and confused about the situation going on outside, plus he also had a reason to show his discontent with the teen. A sharp whistle interrupted his situation as Liz’s ears shot up. She jumped off of him, quickly turning to face the source of the sound. Tommy recognized the pitch and knew who had made the high call. 

His eyes drifted upwards, a familiar mask slipping into view as he noticed the hulking figure stepping closer. Red eyes slid through the holes in the skull, showing the person behind it. A nice watermelon pink draped over his brother’s shoulders, the braid of hair resting over his right shoulder. Techno was still wearing his signature white dress shirt and black slacks. The jabot around his neck was still ruffled and ironed in the way it always was with the green emerald pendent still just above his clavicle. His red cloak, just like the one normally draped across his own shoulders, still holding the bloody shade of crimson and the white fluff of his collar hugging his neck and meshing well with the golden clasp. His tail swished out to the side, peaking out from under the draping fabric as it slipped through the snow.

“Tommy.”

The piglin’s voice seemed surprised and confused but, ultimately, it was guarded. The blonde wasn’t going to judge him. His brother deserved to feel skceptical and unsure about his presence considering their past relationship and how the avian had treated his older brother. He had betrayed his flock, Techno’s sounder had betrayed him and that was considered unforgivable for a brute. He didn’t deserve any forgiveness or anything of that related sort but he still cared for his brother and the hybrid deserved to be aware of what he was doing. 

“Hey… It’s... It’s nice to see you Technoblade.” He told his older brother, the look of hesitance steeling as the brute lifted his crossbow. Tommy lifted his hands, trying to show he meant no harm. Liz glanced back and forth between the two of them, the confusion visible in her little face. She seemed drawn to the tension between the two of them, tempted to join her human and grow defensive but also desiring to go love and cuddle with the boy she hadn’t seen in about a year. 

“Why are you here, Theseus.” The tone in his voice as it passed by his brother’s tusks left no room for argument or even an attempt to lie through his teeth. Tommy simply sighed as he looked up, he got up, picked up his sword, and put it in his inventory, before holding his hands up with a small anxious smile. 

“I know as of right now, it looks like I just need help. I do, but that's not the main reason I’m here.” He told him as he looked up at his older brother. Tommy could feel his nerves flooding his body and causing a slight tremble in his lip as he fought the instinctual desire to cling to his flock and beg forgiveness. He was bound to eventually but, he couldn’t give in until he was completely sure that everything was understood. Techno had a look in his eyes, one that said he was curious and unsure of what he wanted or even needed to know. 

The small tilt of his brother’s head was enough to tell him to keep going, so he listened. 

“Dream.. It involves Dream. Since you already paid back what you owed to him, and I promise I’m not here to cause trouble! I figured you were the only person I could go to about this…” He explained kind of periodically. He also brought his hands close, despite the desire to talk with his hands he made sure to keep them in sight and where they wouldn’t be seen as a threat or anywhere near that. 

“And what makes you think I’d help you with anything involving that homeless prick.” The brute specified as he looked at his little brother. The older hybrid looked angered as he went ahead and moved forward to do something, what that was Tommy had no idea but he wasn’t gonna just take it.

He could feel his nerves spiking as he gave an anxious noise before speaking once more. “I trapped him!” He said quickly. 

Techno seemed to pause at his admission. The piglin paused as he blinked a little, clearly confused and it showed. “Heh?” The man exclaimed as he looked down towards the dog near his side. Liz simply looked back at him, being the same as she ever was, just a confused little dog who seemed happy to be around two of her favorite people. His older brother gave a sigh before he simply lifted up his crossbow and reached a hand out. 

“We can talk about this at my cabin. You’ve got no shoes on, Theseus.” Tommy found himself blinking at that, he felt confused but he looked down and, just like Techno said, he’d forgotten his shoes in his rush to get someone else. The hybrid let out a chirp, his gaze drifting back up as he watched his older brother.

promise.

The brute chuffed in response and the avian’s instincts took that as confirmation that they would be talking this out. Techno didn’t hesitate to pick up the cape in the snow, holding it out towards the blonde without a second thought. 

Tommy took it after just a second as he made sure to adjust how he stood and tried to keep his feet close to eachother. Liz didn’t hesitate to move forwards and wind her way between his legs and forcing them to have a more reasonable distance. 

He began to fall in step behind the brute, watching his brother’s back as the cape over his shoulder’s moved in motion with his body and his tail. If the avian was honest, he wanted to just cling to his older brother due to how badly his instincts screamed. Tommy straight up had someone he wanted to hide from inside of his fucking body. His mind was pissed at him for being so chill about having his abuser inside of his stomach, his instincts were also torn, still feeding off the imprint he’d formed throughout exile. 

No one knew about it. 

Not Techno. Not Dream. Not even Phil. 

<em>Not a single person was going to know.</em>

He brought his hands to his chest, fighting with his flock desire to hold onto Techno. 

They’d been walking for about five minutes before the piglin gave a sigh, sounding exasperated as they both came to a stop. “Come here, kid.” Techno said without much room for argument. Tommy felt confused, looking at his older brother as he stepped closer. 

The moment Tommy was within arm’s length, his older brother pushed his crossbow into his inventory before his arms moved and…

Scooped him up.

A startled chirp left the avian as he was picked up. He was not used to being treated like a small child, considering he hadn’t really been around his older brother. Tommy was very used to being treated as younger than he was, it was the reason he held such a defensive response when being called a child or something similar. Despite how much he wanted to yell and hit as he was picked up, he didn’t have the energy. 

“Put me down, Techno..” He whispered as he was held. Liz looked up at him, tail wagged faster as she perked up. it almost seemed as if the canine thought they were playing around. His brother simply shook his head as he spoke.

“You’re walking barefoot in the snow. I should have done this sooner. Calm down, Theseus.”

Tommy couldn’t argue with that. 

____

Dream could feel everything around him shift. The walls against his back and knees were warm, in an uncomfortable way, and slick. It stuck to him every time he had to move his body. The hybrid couldn’t believe where he was sitting right now, a part of him was preening at the probabilities and possibilities this could open up for kinds of torture and manipulation. The other half was screaming at how unnatural this was!

He held back the desire to scream and yell until he got Tommy to submit. He wanted out of the teenager! He didn’t want to be stuck in some stupid bird’s stomach or even close to this environment. The sound of his own heart pounding in his ears was drowned out by the teen’s heart among the sounds of his stomach and the wooshing of his every breath. 

His surroundings were moving without breath, clearly Tommy was being active with the amount of acids that pooled around his hips. “When I get out of here, I’m gonna fucking kill you!” He barked out, his ears twitching as acid dripped down from the fundus above him. Dream moved his hands to the sides, pushing them into the rugae in order to ground himself. 

He shifted his weight, moving onto his lower back as he braced himself with one leg. The sheep hybrid was panting as he reared back a leg, quick to try and kick the wall in front of him. It didn’t come to fruition as he was thrown around, hearing a grunt come from above. A smirk spread across Dream’s face, a sick satisfaction growing in his gut at the teen’s pain. 

“Suck it.” He muttered to himself.

____

Tommy could still feel Dream kicking and pushing around inside his abdomen. It was causing more nausea to grow, more than he’d like to admit, but the good thing was that he was at least close to having this all taken care of. He knew the pots were still working in his system, able to feel it under his skin, but he had a feeling it wouldn’t be lasting much longer. 

The arms that were wrapped around his body were nice. Techno hadn’t held Tommy on his back, which should have been expected, instead literally holding him in a bridal carry. It wasn’t uncomfortable.

Not in the slightest.

The brute was warm in comparison to the freezing cold of the snowing biome around them. Piglin’s were naturally warmer than humans because they lived in the nether, so it made sense for hybrids to have a higher temperature as well. Tommy wasn’t going to complain regardless.

Once they got to the cabin, he felt tired. So much had been going on today, a mix of mental and physical stress that really caused him to feel this exhausted. He had a feeling he’d be sent home tomorrow. No matter how mad his older brother got, Techno was not the monster everyone assumed he was. The hybrid wouldn’t force him out into the snow without shoes or proper clothes. 

“Technoblade?” Tommy mumbled, looking up at his brother. Liv had rushed to the porch, eagerly waiting outside the door as her tail thumped loudly against the wood boards below her. His brother hummed, the sound rumbling in his chest as he showed his attention. 

“Why?” He asked as his brother set him down. He watched as the boar pushed his hand into his pocket, pulling out a key with a swift motion. 

“Let’s talk inside.” He said simply. Tommy found his eyes drifting up towards the mask. He locked his gaze with the man as he gave a small sigh. He probably should get inside before the hybrid changed his mind. 

As the door closed and the lights were switched on, Liz barked as she ran towards where the other dogs were curled up. A handful of the ones Techno had left were all over the living room. He couldn’t help but smile as he took a step towards them before a hand was placed on his shoulder, leading him towards the kitchen instead. 

His nerves were screaming as he stepped towards the area. His stomach shifted with his nerves, the organ squeezing around the small form that sat inside. He couldn’t help but hug his abdomen, feeling self-conscious of the lump that sat under his shirt. It was pretty impalpable, the smallest of bumps settled just under his rib cage where his stomach sat. He gave a wince, feeling bloated despite the fact he was well aware he wasn’t. 

Tommy stepped towards the counter, instinctively plopping himself onto the cold tile. It had been a pretty common occurrence back when the avian had been living with his older brother. Their dad had explained it as a desire to be in high places, something all bird hybrids were wired to enjoy. The teen found it strange, it wasn’t like sitting here made much of a difference for height but he liked it. Though… this did get him thinking.

“Where’s Phil?” He asked, keeping his arms around his belly in order to feel a sense of privacy. He couldn’t help feeling exposed since he was well aware Techno was far more perspective than others on the server. 

The brute seemed to sigh at the question, it was almost as if Tommy wasn’t the first to ask it. Techno simply walked towards the oven, placing a pot on the burner and turning it on. The blonde watched his older brother get out some cocoa, milk, and sugar before beginning to combine them in the pot. “Dad is on vacation. He’s had enough of the cold.” 

That… actually made sense. The only reason his brother enjoyed the Arctic was because it helped him regulate his hibernation and keep a proper internal clock. It was weird to think such a cold environment would help a nether hybrid live an easier life. Either way, Tommy was glad Techno had a way to live comfortably. His brother deserved it after… everything. 

“Either way, we’re not going to ignore what you said in the forest.” The older man said simply as he began to stir the concoction he’d started to make. Tommy knew it wasn’t going to be avoided but he didn’t know how to word it. It would be pretty weird to just blurt what he did out loud but, he didn’t see any other options. It was gonna have to be told sooner or later. 

“I don’t know how to say it Tech, it’s… weird.” Tommy found himself mumbling as he looked towards his feet, kicking them slightly. He didn’t know how to continue, but Tehno’s next action surprised him. A hand settled on his knee, giving him a reassuring squeeze before a mug was pushed into his hands, warming the frostbitten fingers. The avian took notice of the blood pooling around his nail beds, which explained why his hands were hurting. Tommy knew he had a bad habit of ripping them from his fingers, it used to be nail-biting in Logshire and it had developed into something worse.

“That’s okay, I’ll listen regardless.” The piglin said as he took Tommy’s free hand and began to look over his fingers. The blonde was well aware his brother wasn’t happy with what he saw, but he also knew Techno would’t judge him for the bad habit. 

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he let his eyes shift from the mug to the red ones in front of him. He was unsure how his brother would answer but… he no longer had any excuses to avoid the topic.

“I ate Dream.”

[crimsonfic]

Sanemi Shinazugawa Fanfiction- Turbulence

Foreign Musician Y/N

Subjects: Angst, Fluff, Smut, Violence, Gore, Death, Blood, Vulgar language, Mature Language & Content, other sensitive subjects

8 Chapters

Chapter 3

Chapter Includes ⚠️: Angst, Fluff, Smut, Explicit language, Vulgar language, manhandling, (degradation could be triggering for some readers,) Mature Language

You stood outside the large two story home shuffling your foot back and forth over the tiny pebbles making up the pathway from the gate.

You had knocked already but received no answer. With how big the house was, you weren't sure how long it would take for him to make it to the door.

The surprise you felt when you heard the gate open was nothing compared to the shock to your bones seeing how disheveled and bloody Sanemi was.

"Hey." He gruffed out to you as if it was just a normal morning.

You watched slack jawed as he passed you and opened the door to his house. He only stopped when he made it halfway to the middle of the hallway.

"Uh...you comin?" His stormy eyes landed on yours.

"Y-yeah. Sorry." You answered finally following him, making sure to close the front door behind you.

Silently he led you into a room with a very large and plush futon in the middle of the floor. "Have a seat, I'll be back." He spoke casually as he strode into the bathroom.

You were still shocked. He had a new cut going across his chest, it was thin, but he also had blood coming from his left ear and his clothes were tattered also. You could've overlooked something else too.

Was he even okay? You thought to yourself as you stood still in the middle of the room.

"You're still standing." He said matter of factly when he appeared in the doorway, naked and no longer bleeding.

You should probably feel some sort of shame from how quickly your mood shifted.

He was so breathtakingly hot.

Sanemi smirked at you knowingly. "That's more like it. Come here." He motioned for you.

Never one to hesitate, you closed the distance between you two. "What are you wearing today for me?"

Cute you thought to yourself. He thinks you wear lingerie for him. He's not completely wrong.

"Mm...I guess you'll find out when you take my clothes off."

"Oh?" This was almost a grunt. He gathered your dress in his hands, bunching it up around your hips before pulling it over you.

He didn't say anything but his eyes said enough. Your body temperature increased tenfold from the way his eyes devoured you.

"Like it?" You asked quietly.

You were wearing just a black lace teddy. It was quite tight honestly, but you figured since you would have to take it off anyway it wouldn't hurt to wear it for the short amount of time it took to get there.

"Yeah." Sanemi grunted as he dropped your dress on the floor and pulled you flush against him.

The way your eyes searched his face with an excited glimmer made his stomach flip. Causing him to frown. Why were you making him feel all these new things?

He let his hands roam to your ass before squeezing lightly. Your outfit obviously not covering your cheeks, making him that much more eager to turn you around.

"You're something else." He spoke, almost mumbling to himself.

"Why?" You smiled.

"You might as well not have worn anything under your dress. Your ass is out."

Your smile widened. "I'll keep that in mind for next time." You answered, leaning into him more.

A small smirk graced his lips. He turned you around suddenly, his lips now beside your ear and his hands clutching your hips.

"You're a fucking minx." He said, his tone low and oozing sex appeal.

"Yeah?" You asked laughing lightly although it was breathy due to the effect he was having on you.

"Mhm." He said taking a step forward, forcing you to move with him.

He walked you over to the bed, hands groping your breasts as he lead you there. "I'm gonna rip this." He warned before you felt him tug the fabric apart. Surprisingly it didn't hurt you at all.

"That costs a lot of money." You giggled.

"I'll repay you for it." He said before pushing you forward signaling for you to get down on the bed.

You obeyed silently, getting onto your hands and knees.

Sanemi was right behind you, adjusting himself at your entrance. You were pleased that he wasted no time with foreplay as he pushed into you.

"Fucking perfect." Sanemi said lowly as he bottomed out inside of you.

You, spurred on by the compliment arched further into the mattress, now using your elbows to prop yourself up. When you felt him pull back you pushed back into him, not giving him a chance to pull out.

He let out a noise between a growl and a hiss, slapping both of his large hands on the sides of your hips.

"Stay still."

"Why?" You teased bouncing back on him.

You're trouble. Sanemi thought to himself. But outwardly he lightly slapped your ass.

When he felt you bounce back on him again he met you with a thrust of his own, making you cry out with a pornographic moan. Reaching back to grab his wrist.

Sanemi shook his head. Your were definitely a minx. Probably a brat. Beneath all of that bravado and confidence, you want to be roughed up.

He could do that. He wanted to do that. You could handle it. You liked it. He really could let go with you.

And that's exactly what he did. Ramming into you and you met him thrust for thrust. For a moment he faltered thinking he had to be hurting you, but you never slowed or pulled away.

Much like last night, you went until you couldn't anymore. Your arms were sore and weak, thighs trembling. Sanemi was flushed. When he finally pulled out you let your body fall to the bed, unable to hold yourself anymore.

Sanemi collapsed beside you, doing much better at catching his breath than you were.

"Sorry." You said breathlessly "I'll get up in a minute."

"Alright."

After maybe 5 minutes you moved to push yourself off the bed.

"You good?"

"Yeah." You replied with a nod and a smile. "I'm using your bathroom." You added before walking inside.

He didn't respond, just covered his face with his arm as he relaxed.

You couldn't stop yourself from looking around his bathroom. He had an amazing view. There was floor to ceiling sliding doors with a view of a small hot spring and garden. It was completely private with a tall gate closing out anything else. You noted that because the large sinking tub was in front of the doors. You would kill for a bathroom this relaxing.

You cleaned yourself off and left the bathroom to grab your dress.

"I'll be going now." You said as you slipped it over your head, letting it fall down your body on its own.

Sanemi moved his arm slightly just so he could look at you. "Come back tomorrow."

It wasn't a question. But it wasn't exactly a command either.

"Same time?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. See you tomorrow."

"Uh huh."

Without any hesitation you turned to leave. Although you wanted to get to know him better, you respected the no strings request he had. You wouldn't make him uncomfortable.

���——

That was how your intense sexual routine with Sanemi began. Every morning you met him at his house, or sometimes he came to yours. Two months of mind blowing and passionate sex had only made you crave him more. No matter how tired, or how sore you were you always met. When on your period you would just let him use your mouth. You've never been one to shy away from sex but if you weren't getting anything in return you usually had no interest.

Not with Sanemi though. You wanted to make him feel good. You wanted him to use you. You loved the way he responded to you. You loved being the one who brought him pleasure. You loved being the best he ever had. It was a title you accepted gladly, and fought hard to keep.

You'd like to think you've gotten to know him better. Despite him not usually talking much, you think you know a lot about him. You could guess at least.

He had a rough upbringing. That one was obvious, if his scars were any indication. You think he has a brother. He's rough on the outside but so soft inside. He has a little insect he takes care of. It's quite peculiar but because it's Sanemi, you find it cute. He works hard to stay fit. Sometimes it amazes you just how beautifully chiseled he is. He's cocky. With good reason probably. He's also kind of mean. Obviously when you first met him you learned that though.

The most important thing you learned about him, was that he was broken. Deep inside he was holding himself together. His tough exterior and sometimes jarring attitude were barriers to keep people out and to keep his true feelings in. Safe.

You know this because you've been there. So you saw the signs. Over time it made you yearn to talk to him. Which is now why you have begun to hesitate to leave. You've invited him to stay over to sleep instead of leaving when you were done. He never stayed. You've begun to linger at his house when you finished only leaving when he gave you that knowing look. The one that said, "don't even think about it." Or "no strings woman." The whole two months he never slipped up and kissed you again. You would sometimes position yourself in such a way that made it easy but he knew what you were up to. He'd turn his head, bury his face in your neck, turn your head away from his, or sometimes he's even bit your jaw. There was no way you could lure him into kissing you and man did you want it so badly. Honestly you crave it.

So you would get home and feel incomplete. You would miss him.

It was unlike you, but you couldn't say that you minded. Sanemi was alluring honestly. He made you feel all types of new things.

————

Today was a particularly rough day for Sanemi and you only knew because of the way he was handling you. You had gotten to his house after him and as soon as you knocked on the door he pulled you inside. He practically slammed you into the wall beside the front door before he ripped your dress apart. The sound of tearing fabric echoing through the room.

"Sa-"

You were cut off by a rough nip on your neck as he grabbed your chin in his hand, tilting your head up so he had full access to your neck.

It was more pain than pleasure as he bit and licked roughly on your neck, pressing his body into yours. You brought your hands up to his waist, in a way to gain some stability but hoping to try and ease him a bit.

A grunt left his mouth as he released his hold on you, moving his rough love bites down to your chest.

You moved your hands to his hair, hoping you could coax him into being more gentle with you. Tugging lightly to pull him back, he obliged.

A frown on his face and lips swollen from his attack.

"What?" He grumbled.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm perfect."

You held each other's gaze for only one second before he grabbed you, throwing you over his shoulder before walking to his bedroom. As he rushed you to his room your mind was just reeling. He tore your underwear off of you quickly not even faltering in his step.

He was definitely upset about something. As much as you wanted to know what was wrong and you preferred for him to be calmer you were just going to shutup and let him be as rough as he needed to be. You could do that for him.

To your surprise he threw you down on the bed and immediately went for your core.

Your breath was stolen, you had the wind knocked out of you coupled with his ministrations of slurping and flicking.

It would be a lie to say it wasn't slightly uncomfortable. He was still being quite wild. You closed your eyes and focused on the bit of pleasure that was there. You could handle a little discomfort.

It took longer than usual for your orgasm to happen but that's to be expected in this situation. Sanemi wasted no time turning you over and pulling you up to your knees. You were hardly stable when he pushed inside of you. Of course that too was more painful than you've ever felt with him.

He began thrusting into you like a mad man. The sound of skin slapping filling your ears. You couldn't keep up with him this time.

"Let me fucking hear you." Sanemi all but growled from behind you.

Of course that's all it took for a wanton moan to leave your mouth. His voice truly was your weakness. He could insult you and you'd probably like it.

"That's right. Don't fucking hold back from me." He replied with a hard smack to your ass.

His voice coupled with the pain made you cry out once again.

"Hm." Sanemi grunted. "All this fucking ass...and you're that sensitive?" He let his fingertips graze the newly raised bumps and welts from his strike.

You responded with a small whimper. The gentle touch both soothing and provoking the pain.

Sanemi pulled and prodded on your ass, lifting your cheeks to watch himself disappear inside of you.

"You're so fucking messy. Look at you, creaming all over me."

Holy fuck. You thought. His voice was so sensual.

A small dark chuckle came from him. "You love being praised. You always clench around me when I tell you how perfect your cunt is."

It's true. You felt yourself grow wetter at the compliment too.

"Look at you milking me for all I got." He groaned.

When he grabbed your neck you were both surprised and turned on. However it was short lived when he pushed you down into the mattress roughly. As feral as Sanemi was he never gripped you this tightly, he never handled you too roughly. He usually grabbed you passionately. This was not. This was....domineering.

"Fucking whore." He mumbled before slapping your ass once again. He picked up the pace of his thrust, the angle of you being all the way down allowing him to perfectly hit your sweet spot.

You felt tears prickle your eyes. You had to quickly remind yourself that he was upset. That he was looking for a way to release that negative energy he had inside. He wasn't insulting you. He wasn't being mean to you. His anger was not meant for you.

His grip on your neck was almost distracting enough to completely numb out the pleasure he gave you. You handled it well you think, the minute of his strong grip on you. It was nothing however compared to the way he pulled you up to him, pausing his thrust deep inside you.

"Why can't I hear you?" He asked, his lips grazing your ear, his voice low and dangerously taunting.

"I-"

He stuffed his fingers in your mouth, almost making you gag.

"Suck." He commanded.

And although you were taken by surprise you followed his command. The titillating groan he let out making you shiver, as chills ran down your spine.

He pulled his fingers from your mouth and brought them down to your clit and began rubbing fierce circles. The moan you let out surprising even you.

"Keep making those sounds for me slut. You better not stop." He thrusted into you pointedly when he said 'better'.

You felt heat grow in your chest as embarrassment soared through you as you actually moaned for him. You couldn't help it. He was expertly bringing you to your peak with his timing.

All you could hear were your gasps and the sound of your slick.

You were sure after all of his repeated ministrations you were about to cum but then he stopped. You were so so close you grabbed his wrist.

"Please." You whined, starting to roll your hips chasing some friction. The hand that was on the back of your neck slid to the front.

"Please what?"

"Please don't stop."

He only laughed breathlessly before playing with your clit as he began to fuck you again.

"Don't stop? Then you better be able to take it." He added right before he slipped his finger further down.

You blanched as you felt his finger tip trying to push into your hole.

He felt you tense up and squeezed his hand around your throat a little harder.

"Uh uh, I said take it." He responded as he continued  pushing his finger into you alongside his dick. You were struggling to relax your body. Truth is it stung and hurt like hell.

"All the fucking dick you take and you can't handle a couple of added fingers? What kind of whore are you?"

You took a deep breath and tried to relax into him. You tried to lay your head back onto his shoulder and breathe through the stretch but it was short lived as this angry Sanemi shoved his other fingertip in beside the one, making you scream out quietly.

"Come on bitch, open up." He growled.

If it had not been for the slight tremor of his voice everytime he spoke, you might not have thought he was enjoying the sex. His tone almost completely disguising his pleasure and enjoyment. That's what you held on to though. That you were helping him feel good.

You took a deep breath, trying again to relax but with every centimeter he advanced that burning pain grew.

"Fuck this." Sanemi muttered before just shoving them in. You could feel the way he wrapped his two fingers around the side of his penis.

"Mm, fuck." He groaned. Your cry was stuck in your throat. You couldn't even make a sound between how tightly he choked you and how dry your throat had become.

If it didn't hurt so badly you would probably be so turned on by the fact that he's actually holding on to himself inside of you. It's so carnal.

"Look at you dripping down my wrist." He moaned before his tight grip on your throat released. His grip now being placed in your hair. His strong fingers gripping despite the pins you obviously had in your hair, some of them falling out and some of them now poking into your scalp. He didn't seem to notice, or maybe he just didn't care. You hissed in pain as he pushed your head forward, angling you to look down.

Through the squinting and wincing you could see his wrist glistening.

"See that?" He mused.

"Mhm." You replied again blinking back tears that were now threatening your vision. You still had not gotten used to the stretch, and now the pain radiating in your head? It was making your head spin and you were becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

By some miracle Sanemi pulled his fingers out. The burning didn't go away completely but it had gotten better.

When he stuck his fingers in your mouth you gagged, not expecting it.

"You've never done that before." He said.

You ignored the comment, obviously, and composed yourself, licking and sucking his fingers clean. There was a coppery taste. You didn't see any blood but you were certainly tasting it.

He took his fingers from your mouth and pulled out of you at the same time. It was a relief honestly. However, that tight grip he had in your hair didn't loosen at all, in fact it did the opposite.

"Put that pretty little mouth to good use." He said as he pushed, yanked, and maneuvered you until you were facing him. He pushed you down until your mouth met his penis. You were in the most uncomfortable position, on your hands and knees with your movement restricted thanks to his hold on you. You didn't have much leverage but you did your best.

It obviously wasn't good enough because Sanemi got impatient and began fucking your mouth. For only 10 seconds were you able to keep up with him then he completely began to go crazy.

You were gagging with every thrust. He was moving almost frantically the way he fucked your throat and the way he held you tightly in place with both his hands grabbing your hair.

For the next 60 seconds you were choking on his dick and it appeared that he loved it. His movements didn't even falter the closer he got to his release. The only sign he was done was his hot cum spurting down your throat.

"That's it. Drink up like the good whore you are." He mumbled with his head thrown back. His breathing erratic still.

You've been called much worse. You've been handled much more brutally. This was nothing. Or atleast that's what you told yourself. But yet and still, you found yourself holding back tears.

He yanked your head back roughly. "Show me."

With your head bent towards him you opened your mouth, showing him your tongue.

"Good girl." He almost cooed. But it was dark. It wasn't comforting, it was almost malicious and demeaning.

Abruptly, he let you go and pushed you back down on the bed. "Now open the fuck back up for me. I'm not done."

Surprised, but determined not to show it, you obeyed. Laying back and spreading your legs for him, he wasted no time plunging right into you. It felt like he hadn't even had a orgasm less than 30 seconds ago, he was rock hard.

You could feel just how sore you would be tomorrow. His sculpted hips crashed into you, rocking you back roughly. Once he noticed he had to keep moving forward to stay buried deep inside he grabbed your legs, his strong fingers digging into the plush of your thighs as he pulled you toward him, making you yelp at how deeply he had just thrust into you.

"Come the fuck here." He mostly mumbled to himself. His brows furrowed in anger and frustration.

You already knew he was mad, but it was beginning to overwhelm you. Over the weeks of you and Sanemi having sex, he was never too rough with you. It was always perfect. Just the right amount of grit and manhandling. This time he was bruising you and hurting you. He's never left a single bruise on you. He's never hurt you.

"Sanemi." You squeaked out, your breath coming out in huffs from the action of his thrusts.

He didn't answer, his eyes remained on where he was disappearing inside of you.

You wanted to ask him to be gentle, but you couldn't bring yourself to say it. That anger was still burning brightly behind his beautiful stormy eyes and you wanted him to release it. No matter what it meant for you, you would just endure it. Which meant you had to suffer through the feeling of your organs being pushed into your diaphragm. There was no other way to describe the immensely full and painful feeling you had in your abdomen, timed with his relentless strokes.

You bit your lip to hold back your sounds as your breaths had begun to sound like pained whines.

"You like that?" Sanemi asked misreading your sounds.

That's okay, you simply nodded. A small lie.

"I bet you do, you fucking whore. Can probably take a couple dicks at once." A dry laugh followed. Short and cut off by his breath hitching.

Another mean remark. It was sneered at you. You tried to take it like a champ though.

His hands let go of your legs, finding purchase in your hair once again. He pulled you up, directing you to look at how your "slutty pussy" was swallowing him whole.

After a couple long brutal minutes of him wearing you down he pulled out abruptly, yanking you over so he could cum in your face. His hot load staining your skin messily. You had to squeeze your eyes shut.

When he finished it's like he lost all his energy. "See yourself out." He said as he flopped down on the bed beside you. His head turned away from you.

That was it for you. That's what did it. That's what broke you.

You felt humiliated. Embarrassment strong and overwhelming as it filled your chest.

With shaky and heavy limbs, you stood from the bed and headed to the bathroom.

You quickly shut the door behind you and leaned against it to steady yourself. You wanted to shed so many tears but you willed them away. This should be nothing. Again, you've been through worse. So why couldn't you handle this? Why was this feeling so painful?

You walked to the sink and began washing your face. Your hands shook and trembled the entire time. Once you were free from his mess, you looked at yourself in the mirror. Your hair looked like a rats nest. It was tangled and pulled all kinds of ways. You began to slowly pull the pins that were sticking out every which way, wincing every so often as your scalp was sore in numerous spots thanks to his yanking.

You looked terrible. It looked like you got into a fight with a squirrel and lost. You inhaled slowly, ready to take a deep breath when you hiccuped. Quickly you covered your mouth with your hand.

No, no, no, you thought. You were not going to cry. Not even a little bit.

When you were sure you weren't going to shed any tears you cleaned yourself between your legs. It was only then that you realized that you didn't have anything to wear. He tore your dress, and ripped your underwear. You were left only with the lace corset you had on.

You felt panic rise in your chest before you pushed it down, shaking your head. You could just tie your dress around your hips, and if you walked quickly no one would see through your corset. It was still early, maybe you wouldn't run into a lot of people.

That's what you told yourself.

It was the only way you could step out of the bathroom.

You walked slowly and quietly through the bedroom to the living room. You picked up your dress tatters and tied them together before wrapping the fabric around your hips. It just barely covered your ass and privates but it would have to do. Stepping over to the entry way, you slid you shoes on. When you put your hand on the door handle, Sanemi's strong scarred hand landed on the door, preventing you from opening it.

Neither of you spoke. You remained standing facing the door while he stood behind you.

————

Sanemi's POV

My eyes widened when I realized what I did and who I'd done it with.

Quickly I got up from the bed and went out to the living room. I couldn't let her leave.

Seeing her standing at the door with her dress tied around her made me feel majorly stupid. When she went to reach for the door I had to stop her.

She was standing in front of me now as I reached passed her to keep the door shut.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't have the words to speak after all of the words and images of what just happened flashed through my mind.

I was mean to her. I was harsh. I was rough. It was nothing to be that way, came naturally really, but I don't want to do that to her.

Not her.

Never her.

"You can't leave like that."

"I'll be fine." She threw a swift smile over her shoulder.

My eyes widened. If we weren't similar, I might have fell for it. I might have thought she was okay. But I'm not stupid. And I can see right through her. I see that fake look everyday when I look in the mirror.

"No." I answered when I recovered from my initial shock.

Dropping my arm from the door I grabbed her hand. Then I pulled her back into my room, straight into the bathroom.

"Stay put." I said before running the bath. I put my usual soap in. She would just have to smell like me, I didn't have any girly shit for her.

As the water ran I walked over to my cabinet grabbing the fluffiest towel I own before setting it down on the counter.

Finally I turned toward her, facing the damage I've done.

Her hair, her beautiful hair was messed up. Pulled from how nicely she had it laid and swooped and curled or whatever you call it. I reached out to touch it and she flinched.

She flinched.

Because of me.

"Sorry." She said quickly.

"What for?" I asked trying to control my temper.

"I didn't mean to flinch."

I took a deep breath. Then I tried again. Slowly this time.

She didn't flinch but she did wince when I grabbed a tuft of her soft strands.

"That hurt?"

"Yeah." She replied. "My scalp is sore. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

"Sorry."

She doesn't listen.

"Sorry." She replied again at my pointed look I gave her.

"Show me how to take your top off." I told her, ignoring her hair for now.

She turned around, turning her back towards me before she unhooked the bottom of her lacy thing.

"How did you get this on?" I asked her as I continued the way she demonstrated.

"Muddy."

"Muddy? Your roommate?"

"Yes."

I couldn't even stop myself from saying what came out next.

"You two fuckin or something?"

"Of course not."

"Hm." I mumbled, secretly relieved.

"He's the only one who knows how to do it right." She replied with a small smile blossoming on her perfect lips.

I'm sure I could do it better. Perfect even.

But I said nothing. One I got it unsnapped I let it fall to the floor.

The mark on her back, was burning a hole into my brain. I felt horrible. Seeing that, reminded me of just how fucked up I was with her. She didn't deserve to be spoken to the way I spoke to her. She'd been through too much to have to put up with assholes like me after leaving that hell hole of a country.

I turned away, no longer wanting to think about it, and turned the now full bath tub faucet off.

"Get in." I said turning to look at her.

She didn't say anything as she obeyed. Once she sunk down into the tub I could visibly see her relax as she sighed. Her eyes almost twinkling with happiness.

"I might fall asleep in here." She giggled softly.

"That's perfectly fine." I said.

You could hear the moment she stopped breathing. Looking at me with wide surprised eyes.

"What?"

"You heard me." I told her, careful with my tone however. "Sleep if you want."

She didn't respond she only turned her attention away to her hands beneath the water. "Do you have an extra sponge?" She asked absently.

After the way I was just so rough with her, I wanted to make it up to her. I will make it up to her.

"I do. But just...relax." I told her sitting down beside the tub after grabbing the extra sponge from the counter.

Again, she quieted. And I know why. I'm not stupid. Obviously.

I've never let her sleep here. Not even so much as a quick nap. Hell sometimes when she's all exhausted and drained from the good dick I've given her, I pull her up and walk her to the door myself.

I'm very adamant about us not sleeping together. Was anyway.

Because it doesn't matter anymore. She's already got feelings for me, although I've kept her at arms length and don't tell her shit about me or my life, she still got attached.

Doesn't even phase her it seems like. She still looks at me with those perfect pretty eyes, all adoring and shit. Like she loves to talk to me and is so intrigued to hear whatever I say. She touches me so soft. Caresses my scars, kisses them. She's just slowly warmed herself up to me on her own.

It pissed me off, but I couldn't stop seeing her. She's so good. So perfect. A literal fucking minx who gives so freely and takes so much so easily. It sounds dramatic as fuck so I'll never say it out loud, but she's perfect for me.

That’s why I didn't push her away even though I saw her getting attached.

That's why I feel so shitty inside for what just happened. I spoke to her like she meant nothing to me. And she doesn't deserve that. It's not true anyway.

I looked over her once more. He gorgeous body slightly obscured by the light patter of bubbles. I could see a bruise forming around her neck from where I grabbed her.

She turned her head to look at me at the sound I accidentally let slip out.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah." I lied. I was so disappointed. I wasn't thinking clearly earlier.

"The sponge?" The sound of water falling from her hand back into the tub snapped me out of my reverie.

"I've got it. Just sit back and let me do it. Alright?" I asked. My tone a bit more irritable than I would've liked but I couldn't help it. I was feeling embarrassed too.

Her eyes widened briefly before she nodded her head.

That was all I needed to dip the sponge in the water. I started on her neck. Figuratively washing away the harsh touches by replacing them with gentle ones. As I made my way around her neck an image crashed into me like a freight train.

An audible groan left my lips as more and more disappointment welled inside my chest.

I fucking came all over her beautiful face. Fuck! it was hot but I didn't even ask! The fuck is wrong with me?

Quickly I wet the sponge once more and then gently began wiping her face. It was clear she already cleaned it but I wanted to do this. Needed to do this. Once I figuratively washed away my actions I turned her head to me. Looking over her face.

Fuck.

She was the most stunning woman I've ever laid eyes on.

I let go of her chin and went back to the task at hand.  I could feel her eyes boring into me as I worked on cleaning her body. She was relaxing more and more as time went by, although I noticed the way she flinched when I touched her hips and her thighs. I already knew I held her too tightly there. She remained silent though.

Once I finished I sat the sponge down and locked gazes with her.

"I'm washing your hair." I told her.

Those inviting eyes of hers widened. No surprise there.

"I um...you don't have to."

"I'm going to."

She nodded, giving me a soft smile before she positioned herself deeper into the tub.

I have to be gentle. She already mentioned her scalp was sore thanks to me.

Reaching over her to grab my shampoo jar I took a moment to look at the damage I caused once more. I've never touched her hair, her head even, because she always has her hair styled impeccably. But of course, I fucking ruined it this time. You could see the tangles very clearly.

I sat some shampoo atop her head and then added some water before slowly, carefully, working it into her hair. Her hair was the complete opposite of mine. I don't even know that I'm doing it correctly but I'm trying. As I continued, I watched as her hair curled tighter and somehow shrunk underneath my hands. It was fascinating honestly.

She closed her eyes as I massaged her scalp. Leaving me the opportunity to stare at her openly. She was so naturally beautiful. Every little detail of her face was flawless. Perfect and so distinctly her. She was a masterpiece.

I got so distracted admiring her she opened her eyes, which were noticeably heavy with exhaustion. "Gonna rinse anytime soon it's been atleast 5 minutes?" She asked sarcastically but with a smile.

"Lean back." I cleared my throat. Shamed to be caught checking her out like that.

She listened, pulling herself further into the water and dipping her head. I rinsed all the shampoo away before telling her she could get up.

I met her with the towel, as she stood from the tub. The water cascading down her sinfully statuesque body just highlighting how absolutely mouthwatering she was.

I helped her dry off before picking her up and setting her down on the counter, so I could dry her feet and hair. She didn't say anything but I could see her surprise. I ignored it.

"Stay here." I told her before walking out of the bathroom and then into my room to change the covers on my futon. It took me all of 5 minutes to get everything fluffed up and perfect for her. When I came back into the bathroom she had styled her hair in a way I hadn't seen her wear before. I made no comment as I walked over to her and picked her up from the counter, carrying her into the room bridal style. She was being surprisingly pliant, saying nothing at all, and holding onto me as I carried her.

Gently, I laid her down on the newly fluffed comforter and pillow. "Get some rest." I told her before going into the bathroom. I couldn't truly face her. I didn't want to see her stupid gorgeous face twist up in surprise again.

I busied myself with emptying the tub and cleaning it out to run my own bath water. Staying inside with the door closed the whole time.

When I finally came out, she was snuggled into the bed so comfortably. Lips in a cute pout with the softest little breaths.

Fuck. I'm losing my mind.

I quickly and quietly grabbed some clothes to change into and then grabbed every article of clothing of hers. I had something to do.

*****

Prev | Next

[heyidkyay]

I guess I’ll take this pain, instead of your name |

Part Twenty-Three

A/n: 😅 Been a while, but I have reasons! I am sorry for the long wait though on this next chapter, especially with that last cliffhanger... Still, this is just a cute little pause before we get into the heavy shit so I hope you like it, and hope it's up to standard too, feels weird to be writing again tbh. Let me know what you think though!:) X

Summary: In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer.

Warnings: Mentions of sickness/vomiting.. but nothing too extreme, just be wary:)

Masterlist

--

I’d woken up with the most violent headache- the kind that made brain-freeze feel like a trip around the fairground- and the second I opened my eyes I knew that this one was a lot different compared to the ones I’d had previously. This headache made me want to curl up and die, just shrivel up into a ball then and there. But I couldn’t, because before I could even think to act on the action I was up and tumbling out of bed, headed straight for the bathroom and chucking up what ever strange concoction remained in my stomach.

I don’t know how long I’d been there, gagging into the dirtied bowl of the toilet, before I felt the door to the bathroom open ajar. The creak of its hinges had me wincing, as did the faint trail of light that followed.

I couldn’t bring myself to look up from where I’d since sprawled myself out on the floor, the tiles cold against my sweaty skin- the only thing giving me an ounce of reprieve- but did squint my eyes open a smidge to find a pair of socked feet planted before me. 

I groaned just as someone squatted down to check on me, a hand pressed to my cheek then to my forehead.

“What’s up, muggins?”

Ross. That was Ross’s voice. Which made sense seeing as the bathroom was sat opposite both our rooms. I must’ve woken him.

He carded a gentle hand through my hair and spoke again, “Figured it should be me here instead of you, what with the amount I put away last night.”

I cracked the tiniest of smiles for him, but my throat hurt and my mouth was so dry. I couldn’t offer him a proper reply and he frowned in turn.

“Fucking hell, Y/n.” Ross mumbled, having just caught sight of the makeover I’d given our shared toilet. He took a deep breath and I focused on what he was saying next when my head begun to pound again. “Let’s get you back to bed, hey?”

It was with a careful grip that Ross manoeuvred me about with, swiping my tired body up off the floor with a practiced ease. I attempted to refuse his manhandling, claiming I could walk, but he only shushed me with a roll of his eyes and trudged his way back into my room. I didn’t fight him much more than that, having just gone more than three rounds with the toilet and lost, I was too drained to even bother.

Ross laid me back on my bed, tossing the duvet back over me, and I listened faintly to him walk about my room. He opened the dresser drawer that was nearby first and then something else I couldn’t quite make out, he was quiet when he approached again.

“Here, try and change out of those before I get back.” He told me and I opened my bleary eyes again to see that he’d tossed me a pair of linen shorts and a large t-shirt to replace the ones I'd ruined. “Gonna grab your medicine, alright? It still downstairs on the counter?”

I hummed non-committedly, too focused now on the thought of having to move again. He left and pulled the door behind him.

I changed, albeit slowly and not without wincing at every strain, but I did eventually do it. And soon enough, just as promised, Ross reentered, carrying with him a large bowl, a glass of water, my meds, as well as a small fan. He dropped the bowl beside me and stationed the fan on the bedside-table before he handed me the water and my tablets. I heard him head back out again, though he returned only a minute later with a cold, wet flannel in hand. I smiled sincerely at his kindness.

“Thank you.” I rasped out as he placed the damp cloth on my forehead, soothing the heat that drenched the entirety of my body.

Ross merely waved me off and took a seat beside me on the mattress. “If that don’t work, I’ll grab you some ice. Numb the pain a bit.”

My forehead wrinkled beneath the flannel. 

“How’d you know?” I couldn’t help but ask him, wondering how he’d already known that my head was the thing causing me the most pain.

He chuckled softly, mouth quirked to one side. “Well, besides from the way you were trying to dig your nails into your forehead when I found you, I also read up on that thing the doctor fella said you had a bit ago.”

I pinched my brow at him and he seemed to take it for the silent question it was.

“Yes really, twatface.” Ross drew out exaggeratedly, then scratched at his cheek as he glanced me over. I must've looked pretty fucking pitiful for what he had to say next, “That car really fucked you up, didn’t it?”

I glared back at him in retaliation, but he simply laughed.

“What? It did! Doesn’t mean you didn’t win though.” He retorted in good jest, grinning down at me with that sly smile of his. The kind I couldn't hate. “You, you fucking walked away from that car like it was nothing. Most don’t get the chance to get back up afterwards, you know? Like they break both their legs, or just… I don’t know, die I ‘spose.” He shrugged after saying that last bit and I couldn’t help the amused snort I gave at his nonchalance.

I immediately regretted it though, grimacing at the harsh pain and sharp nausea that rolled its way through me all at once.

Ross smiled sympathetically down at me and squeezed my ankle, “Get some rest, yeah? I’ll tell the lads to keep it down once they all wake up- the lazy cunts.” He muttered the latter under his breath as he rolled his eyes and I had to fight not to laugh again. 

I moved my hand out from beneath the covers, my eyes falling shut now as I did, and squeezed his hand in return. My way of telling him thank you, once again, for everything he’d done for me. Because he hadn’t had to, he just did. Without anyone even needing to ask. 

It was a very Ross thing to do.

He got up from the bed after and promptly pressed a chaste kiss to my temple before he quietly padded his way out of the room, leaving me to burrow myself further under the covers, praying that the medication would soon give me some relief. Because honestly? Fuck my life.

…

I must have fallen asleep at some point because I wrinkled my nose as I woke once more, grimacing at the light pulsing I still felt in my head. I groaned groggily and rolled over in attempt to bury all the pain inside my pillow. 

But obviously that didn’t work and so I huffed and flipped myself back over, which had ultimately been the wrong move to make because my stomach rolled without warning and I was yucking up into a bowl I hadn’t even reached for. 

Although the sudden appearance of it confused me, I was too busy throwing up what little my stomach had to give to care.

It was only as the sickness ebbed that I could finally breathe a little better and I felt my head start to hang in exhaustion.

“Hey, hey.” I heard someone say faintly from above me, but my bad ear was ringing again. Both of them now actually. And so I couldn’t pay much attention to the tissue that was being cautiously wiped across my mouth and chin, nor the kind hand that had taken to holding my hair up out of my face.

I wasn’t sure how much time passed before I finally managed to pull myself back together. Broken piece by broken piece. But the ringing had dulled and the throbbing I felt grew less and less prominent. I breathed slowly. In and out. Out then in. 

“Hell of a holiday.” I croaked defeatedly to myself, but was surprised by the soft titter that followed, it pierced the air. 

I lifted my chin and was a little startled to find George perched on the edge of the bed, he was staring down at me, the smallest of smiles on his face and trying to hide the worry that was etched into his eyes.

“When’dyouget’ere?” I slurred, squinting up at him, hating that he, of all the people cooped up in this stupid villa, had to see me like this. I didn’t want to think too much about it. 

George shrugged a single shoulder at me, looking a tad abashed. “Came to check in on you when I woke up a couple hours ago, didn't I? Ross let me know you were feeling shit when I headed down and found him.”

I nodded slowly. A couple hours…

George seemed to sense my sudden odd shift in mood then because he hurried to continue on, “Matty came in a bit ago, he’d just woken up though. Gave me a weird look and said to come get him if anything happened. Reckon he went back to bed though to be honest. Hann had Ross bring you up some more water too- it’s up there on the side- they went to grab some food not long ago. Matt’s hanging, as is Hann, so they all wanted a proper fry up.”

“And you?”

His brow furrowed at my question, not quite getting it. “And me, what?”

I grimaced at the intense throb my head made then and took it as a sign to never think again. But that wouldn’t be happening anytime soon, so I proceeded to solider on. 

“And you stayed here.” I stated, it wasn’t a question of why. 

“Um, yeah. That alright?” George asked me, looking a little uncomfortable, like he’d overstepped without meaning to. “Figured it’d be best, someone keeping an eye on you.”

He didn’t have to explain himself, but I sort of liked having the upper hand here. I smiled at him as I relaxed further into my mountain of pillows. It was nice of him to have stayed. 

“It’s fine. And thanks.” I replied hoarsely, he just shook his head.

“None of that. Just wanted to make sure you didn’t choke on your own sick or summat.”

“Oh, cheers.” I rolled my eyes, a sudden fondness creeping into my words.

“You know what I mean.” George huffed with a chuckle, though a silence settled shortly after and, even now that I had my eyes closed, I could tell that he was watching me. “Do you, uh, do you need anything else? Or, I can leave if you want.”

Behind my fluttering lids, I rolled my eyes again whilst biting back a smirk, then shuffled over slightly to make room on the mattress. I patted the sheet next to me twice.

A full minute must’ve passed before George finally moved to follow my invitation but I didn’t comment on it, not sure if I’d regret this later on when I felt a little more like myself. His weight caused the bed frame creak beneath us and I felt my shoulders loosen somewhat when he settled in beside me, barely five inches away.

“You okay?” I questioned quietly when he said nothing after a while, a tad bit anxious when I couldn’t even hear him breathing.

He exhaled heavily then though, like he'd been holding his breath- the drama queen. 

“Yes, yeah. Yeah, I'm okay.” He attempted to rush out, but I could feel how rigid he was beside me. Like he was too fearful to even move a muscle, to push his luck.

“Good.” I replied, not thinking about the line we were crossing.

The nausea had subdued somewhat now and I was simply left with a dull throb on the left side of my head. I kept on taking deep measured breaths though, not wanting to strain myself like I had before and chance the fate of me spewing again.

I still felt tired, which was funny seeing as though I’d just woken up, just so drained of all my usual energy. Even the thought had me yawning and I lifted an arm up to cover my mouth as I did so but, by complete accident (I swear!), I ended up wacking George in the face with my elbow. He hissed loudly and instantly I turned to see him, having felt the connection even through my cast. 

“I’m so sorry!” I blurted out, now using my hand to cover up my blatant shock as I stared down at him with wide apologetic eyes.

George rubbed at his wounded eye, wincing at the unexpected blow. “No, you’re fine, you’re alright. Just the shock that got me is all.”

“I’m so sorry.” I repeated again, unable to say much else really, watching as George shifted on the bed to squint up at me, he gave a crooked smile. It was one that made me huff a small chuckle.

“Don’t fuckin’ laugh!” George retorted, but his words didn’t hold much worth when he’d begun giggling away too. “I mean it! You’re proper nasty, you know. Tryna knock me out, or what? Like being hit by a club with that arm of yours.”

“I didn’t mean to!” I laughed in reply, glad that he was up for making jokes, showing me he wasn't too hurt, and shuffled closer to him to get a better look at the side of his face. I reached out towards him, “Here, lemme look at it.”

“Sod off!” He responded with a chuckle of his own as he swiped my approaching hand away, “You might assault me again.”

“I won’t! I promise!” I grinned at him, hair falling out from behind my ears and brushing against the collar of his t-shirt. “Just let me check that I ain't given you a matching concussion, will you?”

George relented with a tiny lopsided smile, removing his hands from his face to nod at me. I breathed out a sweet chuckle and moved closer to examine the eye I’d hit, careful as I prodded the now reddened skin. He winced and I breathed out a faint sorry once more, before tilting his head up towards me. His gaze found mine in that next moment but I tried hard to concentrate on the task at hand.

“Did I catch you right there- on the corner?” I asked him quietly and he hummed in reply. It looked okay from what I could see, just a little red and the skin a tad bit raised from where I'd caught him with my cast. “Might puff up in a bit or bruise a little later, but you should survive.”

I glanced down at him, realising then just how close we were, and my brain immediately started calculating every part of us that touched. My knees were pulled up by his side, practically tucked under his waist. His arm was laid out to the side after having made room for my intrusion, I felt his light hairs tickle the smooth skin of my calf. My eyes zeroed in on the way my dept fingers danced across the bone of his freckled cheek, brushing by his temple in an attempt to soothe the injury I'd given him.

My lips parted when his brown eyes met mine though, they were warm, fond, familiar. But sad too almost.

I went to speak, to say something which would break the tense silence we were swimming in. But he beat me to it.

“I’ve missed this.” He told me, but I didn’t offer him a reply. I think George already knew that I wouldn’t because he just ventured on, not missing a beat as his soft voice filled the quiet space of my room. “Missed you, really.” He admitted, and his arm grazed my lower leg just as he reached up to tuck a stray strand of hair back behind my ear. I tried not to shiver at the all too intimate motion.

His gaze jumped up to my own as he did so, skirting back and forth between my eyes. I struggled to breathe. Air trapped in the very back of my throat.

“Spending time with you. Just having you there.” He murmured, almost whispering now as he admitted these simple things to me. “There’s pieces of me only you know. Parts of me that only you will ever see.” He added next on an exhale and then he swallowed, I watched the lump in throat bob up then down before my eyes darted back up to meet his. “I really messed up, but I’m gonna fix it. Yeah?”

Those brown irises of his were drowning beneath a shallow pool now and he wet his bottom lip just as he dropped his hand from my hair, thumb gently skimming the side of my jaw before it trailed up my arm to where my touch still cradled his own face. His palm stretched out over the back of my hand, my fingers tucked safely under his. The gesture was so familiar it hurt.

“That promise I made you, last night? I thought about it a lot, hardly slept just thinking about it. But in truth, I always knew my answer, Birdie.”

My heart was racing now, its pounding had replaced the painful rhythm which had earlier burdened my head, muffling any kind of logical thought I could’ve had. 

I couldn’t look away from him. I didn't want to.

“I want to tell you. I want to explain.” George told me, his thumb stroking the back of mine, “If you’ll still give me that chance. I want to fix things between us. ‘Cause I don’t think I can go much longer with you keeping me at arms length, Birdie. I can’t just pretend like you’re not everything I think about. Everything that makes me feel whole. Like you’re not meant to be mine. And me yours. Like we weren’t ever supposed to meet.”

My eyes were stinging, and I was barely even breathing as I stared back at him. Too afraid that if I did, or if I even blinked, that he’d be gone and this would all be some sort of feverish dream.

“I love you, and that ain’t going nowhere, B.” 

He tightened his hold on my hand.

His words played on a loop in my head.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

Everything I’d longed to hear for over a year now. I love you.

But did he? Did he really?

My mouth moved to ask, but the words wouldn’t escape. They wouldn’t just get up and jump out at him.

Instead, I was stuck looking into his eyes. At his face. Analysing every detail that had changed. Everything that hadn’t.

I love you.

“I fucked up. So bad I don’t even know if I can fix it, but I-“ He inhaled sharply, “I’d really like to try. If you’ll let me.”

And then it was up to me again. It was my time to decide.

Only I'd never felt so far from myself.

Part Twenty-four>

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: hold the bright moon in my arms, ch. 4

Relationships: Niè Huáisāng & Wèi Yīng | Wèi W��xiàn, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn

Characters: Niè Huáisāng, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Original Characters, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī

Additional Tags: Pining, Feelings Realization, Illnesses, ennui, Found Family, Porn Reading, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Manipulative Niè Huáisāng, Memories, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn Needs a Hug, Post-Canon, Pining Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Friendship, Niè Huáisāng Is A Little Shit, POV Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, POV Third Person, Qi Deviation, Resentful Energy, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Panic Attacks, Triggers, Fainting, Anal Sex, Getting Together, Love Confessions, Grief/Mourning

Summary: Wei Wuxian must face Lan Wangji.

Notes: see end

First fic

1-2 | 3

AO3 link

——————

Wei Wuxian woke slowly to the sound of guqin music, played in that refined way he would always recognize as Lan Zhan’s style, and he let himself drift on the music for a while, a song of clarity powered with Lan Zhan’s qi, gently bolstering his own to promote calm and healing.

It was a strange parallel to how he woke in the Cloud Recesses after his resurrection, his mask removed while he was unconscious, but Lan Zhan’s playing then had been different, more hesitant, and he knew now how their miscommunication had harmed him. He could remember how disheveled Lan Zhan had been then, and knowing the reason now made his heart ache, that he had caused him so much grief.

“I think he’s awake,” came a too-loud whisper, definitely Jingyi, and the teen’s presence would make him smile if not for the worry threaded in the cadence of his voice.

He finally opened his eyes, the lids heavy enough that he knew he must have terrible bags under his eyes, not that he could remember a time without them. Sometimes he wondered if he was resurrected with them still following him from his past life, just as everything else followed him.

Lan Zhan was seated on the floor, looking serene, with no hint that he had just flown from Gusu to Qinghe in barely a day, just as put together and—

Wow, how had he never actually realized how much he admired Lan Zhan and that there might be more behind it? So much for being a genius.

Jingyi abruptly blocked his view, kneeling beside the bed with all his windswept messiness making it clear he just journeyed by sword, and Wei Wuxian almost smiled at the dichotomy.

“Wei-qianbei, when the letter arrived about your qi deviation we flew all the way here right away, with no stops at all! Sizhui is still with the Gho— I mean, with Wen-gongzi in Qishan or I’m sure he’d’ve come, too!”

He sounded so earnest and worried that Wei Wuxian felt a wave of fondness, but for Lan Zhan more than Jingyi.

“Aiya, Lan Zhan, how did you raise such empathetic juniors?”

Lan Zhan’s expression was almost the ghost of a smile when he responded, Jingyi having moved to the side so Wei Wuxian could see it, deferential to his seniors.

“I considered what Wei Ying would do.”

The compliment twisted at something inside him uncomfortably, his sincerity almost painful for more reasons than Wei Wuxian cared to explore in mixed company.

“Spare this delicate man, Hanguang-Jun,” he finally managed when he was able to speak again, too overcome for a real response.

A healer came in, likely summoned by Jingyi’s exuberance. Once she assessed his meridians, she cleared him to attend lunch, but added even more restrictions, banning any use of even small amounts of spiritual energy and urging him not to stress his body too much, which basically left him with no distractions for the foreseeable future.

Somehow this was all Nie Huaisang’s fault.

The song ended, leaving a pregnant silence, and Wei Ying felt heavy and discombobulated, but then Jingyi’s stomach rumbled loudly, the poor boy likely starving after his flight, and Wei Ying couldn’t help but laugh.

“I guess we should get lunch before you fall over,” he teased the youth, easing himself into a sitting position.

He caught Lan Zhan’s gaze and the amusement in it, hidden by his normal deadpan face, filled him with unspeakable fondness, and he grinned.

“I’ve practiced inedia,” Jingyi muttered, slightly petulant, but then his stomach gurgled again, and this time he joined in when Wei Ying laughed.

Lan Zhan, still the picture of grace, busied himself stowing his guqin in his qiankun sleeve, then rose in a single smooth movement, striding steadily to the bedside to offer his hand to Wei Wuxian.

He felt frozen for a moment by his zhiji’s steady gaze, and then he took the proffered hand and allowed himself to be helped up, something he normally would eschew, too focused on standing on his own back then to recognize that Lan Zhan was right there.

Though not touching, Lan Zhan was close enough beside him to feel his warmth as they made their way to lunch, distracting enough that he barely noticed Jingyi impatient with their pace behind them. He kept up a safe ramble about what he’d been doing in Qinghe since his arrival, eventually commenting on how ridiculously big his quarters were. Much of his last life he had made do, only having had particularly large quarters during his time in the Burial Mounds, which had been significantly less comfortable with far fewer amenities.

“Honestly, they’re almost too big for one person,” Wei Wuxian said idly, then went quiet as he realized that was on purpose, damn Nie-xiong, and he’d just blurted it out like a fool.

Lan Zhan shifting to glance at him as they walked brought him back to himself, and he forced a smile, but let it drop when he noticed the concern in his eyes.

“I’m just not used to that sort of thing—they’re much bigger than even the ones I had back…”

He tripped over his words, having instinctively almost said ‘home,’ when there was no returning to Lotus Cove, the one that had once been his home no longer in existence, razed with its people slaughtered, a shade of what it had been haunting his memory.

“Well,” he tried to salvage, “back before the war, anyway.”

Back before the world had largely stopped making sense, before indoctrination, before Jiang-shushu and Yu-furen had been killed and Lotus Pier burned, before he’d given his future to Jiang Cheng and fallen into darkness.

The attempt to salvage was, unfortunately, a worse verbal blunder than the one he’d started with, and on more levels than he cared to count. Of all the possible times for his mouth to move ahead of his brain, of course it was this one, when he had very little face left to save but just enough that it made him feel uncomfortably open.

Thankfully, they reached the dining room before he had to find more words, before he had to address the look of steady compassion Lan Zhan was giving him, the one that made his soul itch in this body that was disturbingly not quite like the one he’d worn when he died.

The surprise presences of Nie Hengxiang and Nie Yingwei helped distract him further from the need to find more words for Lan Zhan, as he used the opportunity to introduce them. They greeted him as ‘Wei-qianbei,’ which earned what sounded suspiciously like a hissed ‘yes!’ from Jingyi, and a curious glance from Lan Zhan.

Nie Hengxiang was easier to introduce, in a way, as the capable junior Nie Huaisang sent to protect him, the story of their meeting falling easily from his mouth, how he’d essentially woken up to find he’d been saved from assassination, and then learned it hadn’t been the first, just the first to get close enough for the struggle to wake him.

Lan Wangji only nodded in appreciation, but Lan Jingyi was a bit more exuberant.

“Thanks for protecting Wei-qianbei,” he said, bowing appropriately, but with a grin that was far less decorous. “You’d think people would leave him alone since he was proved innocent.”

He seemed frustrated, his tone almost a scoff, affronted on Wei Wuxian’s behalf, and it warmed him that the boy held him in such regard, more so by Nie Hengxiang’s agreement with the sentiment. He knew well enough that Jin Guangyao’s machinations didn’t fully exonerate him, that the path to his downfall had been cleared by his decisions and actions, as well, but it was nice to be seen in a positive light by the younger generation after being so reviled.

Nie Yingwei was harder to explain because Lan Zhan would no doubt hear the significance of the name. He also didn’t want to blunder ahead and overstep what she might and might not want public. He wound up introducing her as an adopted member of the Nie clan, with her courtesy name and a gesture toward Nie Huaisang to put him back in the hot seat so he could feel less on the spot.

It was his turn, anyway.

If saving someone made one responsible for them for a lifetime, surely bringing a man back to life (in part to do one’s dirty work) made one indebted enough that Nie-xiong could do him this favor.

Of course, Nie Huaisang handled it smoothly, telling him of the crèche, introducing Nie Yingwei as the first ward adopted into the clan through it and the reason for its development, his tone matter of fact, with just enough information that Lan Wangji would be able to come to the conclusion himself the deeper reasons he had been moved to save her to begin with. Wei Wuxian didn’t dare look at either of them, not able to face their shared grief and the implications of conversations had during the years of his death that he couldn’t even begin to guess at.

He didn’t know how to address any of it, now that he was alive again and cognizant of that sixteen-year grief, which understandably wasn’t magically erased just because he was back. Eventually he’d have to deal with it, but until then Wei Wuxian knew the value of a good retreat to conserve and build the energy it would require.

As they were escorted to their seats by the servants, Wei Wuxian was glad to focus solely on his lunch, full of yin foods—a millet congee with pork belly, duck eggs, and a bok choy, clams in black bean sauce, and a plate of fresh fruits, sliced and ready to eat with a drizzle of honey, all of which smelled delicious despite being devoid of peppers. Lan Jingyi joined several other Lan disciples, ones Wei Wuxian recognized from the Yi City incident, the plate on his tray piled with the fried chicken he was so obsessed with, once again showing Nie-xiong’s use of intelligence.

Wei Wuxian was taking a sip of a rather lovely fruit tea to cleanse his palate before the meal when Nie Huaisang finished explaining the crèche, and Nie Yingwei decided to contribute.

“Zongzhu named me after Wei-qianbei,” she said blandly, and Wei Wuxian only barely managed not to choke. “He started the crèche to honor him, so fewer kids would grow up in the streets.”

Nie Huaisang wasn’t quite quick enough to hide his blush behind his fan at the point-blank revelation, something Nie Yingwei seemed to take pride in.

Lan Jingyi choked slightly and whispered, “Sizhui!” to himself far too loudly.

Wei Wuxian realized all at once that A-Yuan’s courtesy name was… eerily similar, if much deeper and suggestive of a different sort of grief. He felt raw.

Lan Zhan studied Nie Huaisang for a moment, as though weighing how it altered his opinion of the Nie sect leader, before nodding in approval.

“It is a noble endeavor,” he said simply.

“Cultivation isn’t my strong point,” Nie Huaisang admitted ruefully, “so I had to find another way to protect the weak.”

With exactly no more patience for etiquette, Wei Wuxian decided the best way out of this situation was to simply start eating ahead of Nie Huaisang, who wouldn’t be offended and might even understand his need to not be present for this conversation. Lan Zhan would adhere to his reliable rule of no speech while eating. Hopefully they wouldn’t somehow circle back to it after lunch.

He wasn’t running away from it so much as delaying, but Wei Wuxian would take what he could get.

The faux pas of eating even a piece of fruit before a sect leader led to a pause in conversation, but it was weirdly devoid of judgment.

Nie Huaisang laughed, but thanked him for starting.

“Nie-daifu would have my head if I delayed your meal any further, and of course our visitors have traveled swiftly and need a good meal.”

Wei Wuxian distinctly heard Jingyi mutter “Finally” under his breath, and was glad at least he appreciated it—he’d probably been waiting to eat since Lan Zhan arrived, poor kid.

He knew he’d have to face Lan Zhan later, and do so more clearly after that because apparently coming back to life was complicated, but for now he could just focus on eating and leave that problem for future him to deal with. Wei Wuxian had always done his best thinking while otherwise occupied, so he focused on his meal, starting with the clams, enjoying the flavor the Nie cooks had brought into the bean sauce.

When he glanced at Nie Huaisang he was in the middle of making some sort of expression at Lan Zhan, as though he was trying to have a silent conversation, and he quickly hid his face behind his fan when he saw Wei Wuxian looking; Lan Zhan, on the other hand, gave no indication he noticed Nie-xiong, though Wei Wuxian made sure he kept his eyes on his food when he turned toward him.

Lan Zhan had concerns for his health, and they were probably complicated by his knowledge of Wei Wuxian’s jindan. He’d died without one, after all, and having Mo Xuanyu’s, but in a body apparently his own, was unprecedented. Lan Zhan would of course worry for his health, he was so good.

The truth was, though, that after lunch he would have to face that worry, and the underlying emotions that Wei Wuxian was now aware of, both in himself and Lan Zhan. The cause of his small qi deviations was emotional, not anything else, and he couldn’t allow him to keep worrying about his health when it was as easily resolved as a conversation.

So he made sure to finish the food on his tray, knowing the healers had decided portions and hoping to fortify himself for the inevitable discussion. Normally he’d talk through the meal, but the thought of coming up with the words was daunting, so he kept his attention on his food, eventually picking at the last bits of fruit, not trying to delay further, but not speeding toward it either.

Once, he’d have spent half the meal flicking melon seeds at Lan Jingyi just for his own amusement (and because Jingyi couldn’t complain or retaliate with Lan Zhan right beside Wei Wuxian), something that seemed to be too much trouble right now. Wei Wuxian knew this likely worried Lan Zhan, too, but it was really just that he was tired. As it turned out, qi deviations were exhausting, and he had spent more time asleep than awake since his, so perhaps the worry was unavoidable.

Nie Huaisang eventually ordered the Nie disciples to show the Lan contingent to their quarters and around the Unclean Realm if they so desired, announced that Hanguang-Jun’s quarters would be ready after the evening meal, and then promptly excused himself to “attend to sect business,” using the appearance of servants to clear the trays as a distraction to enable him to disappear through a side door before Wei Wuxian could even react, the little shit.

Lan Zhan stood smoothly, unruffled, and turned to the juniors.

“You have pushed your cores in the trip. Please use the afternoon to rest and meditate,” he told them as he dismissed them.

Lan Jingyi looked relieved enough that he could have fallen over in exhaustion, but he immediately saluted with his peers and let the Nie disciples lead the way out. He made sure to stop by Wei Wuxian and wish him a good rest of his day, punctuated with a yawn.

Lan Zhan’s expression when he turned to Wei Wuxian, holding out a hand to help him up, was almost unbearably soft, full of emotions he wasn’t sure he was ready to face, but he knew it was long overdue. He took the proffered hand and let himself be pulled to his feet, feeling much like a maiden being courted.

Wei Wuxian could feel heat rush to his face, and knew he was blushing like just such a young maiden. He was actually relieved when Lan Zhan took his flushed cheeks as something the healers should check to be certain he was well, pulling him toward the infirmary. Relieved and a strange combination of guilt and happiness, regretful for putting Lan Zhan through more worry, but also seeing the evidence of his care…

The healer, of course, said he was fine and was pleased he had eaten his meal and looked much better than earlier, sending them off with several pouches of tea to enjoy.

With the medicinal tea in hand, Wei Wuxian was only able to delay so much before they inevitably wound up in his quarters for a conversation he didn’t even know how to start, but he valiantly led the way through a garden on the way, using a koi pond as a nice excuse to dally.

He knew full well that Nie Huaisang had manufactured the delay in accommodations for Lan Zhan to meddle, and he wasn’t sure whether to be irritated or grateful.

Irritated, he decided when they arrived at his quarters to find the large stone tub off the main room had been filled with steaming hot water, with flower petals sprinkled atop in a way he could play off as a medicinal bath, but he wasn’t going to insult Lan Zhan’s intelligence by attempting to lie.

Lan Zhan took the bagged tea for him and had him sit at the low table, which was at least stocked with snacks, going to brew it himself, and Wei Wuxian settled in to watch him, not able to do anything else, his eye drawn to his zhiji’s graceful motions. Then Lan Zhan looked up as he set the brewing teapot on the table and sat in a smooth motion, and he was helpless to look away.

“Your qi deviations?” he asked, his soft voice concerned, as usual wasting no words.

“Ah… as it turns out strong emotions can disrupt qi, especially in developing or damaged cores,” Wei Wuxian said, trying to adopt the intonation of a scholar discussing something mundane.

The explanation did not ease the concern that was emanating from Lan Zhan, who reached forward to take his wrist, glancing up at him as though to ask permission, which Wei Wuxian gave with a nod, before sending a small stream of his qi though to check himself. He tried very hard not to shiver at the feel of Lan Zhan’s qi singing though his meridians.

“Which?” he asked, his voice strained, and Wei Wuxian realized with a start that Lan Zhan, though he knew he had died without a core, wouldn’t know if the core Mo Xuanyu left him had been damaged, and so his attempt to explain had only worried him further.

“Mo Xuanyu’s core is weak, but undamaged,” he said, feeling off-balance in the discussion. “It’s barely a foundation, just enough to cause trouble.”

He felt off-balance in the discussion, in the way it felt like it was already going sideways, with him worrying Lan Zhan again by speaking without thinking, and he distracted himself for a minute pouring tea for each of them and taking a sip, breathing in the steam wafting from his cup and hoping it could ease some of the stress he felt.

“You will refine it, as you did before.”

The confidence in his voice helped, his faith in Wei Wuxian’s abilities and determination, the acknowledgement of his capabilities–and he had always had faith, even in the darkest times of the war, when Wei Wuxian was drowning in resentment and Lan Zhan worried for his health.

In some ways that made it worse since, as he had told Nie Huaisang, he’d known from the moment he was dropped into the Burial Mounds that his days were numbered. As terribly as he’d died, it had honestly bee something of a relief to be freed of it all by the time it happened, and he knew full well that, past or not, that would make Lan Zhan worry more about him, and he’d done quite enough of that for two lifetimes.

“It won’t be easy, but I’m used to attempting the impossible,” Wei Wuxian said after a moment, then tried not to wince at using the Yunmeng Jiang motto when he definitely isn’t part of the sect.

He was certain Lan Zhan noticed—he didn’t comment on the matter of the Jiang clan and Jiang Cheng (not that he ever would vocally), but a brief shift in expression reminded Wei Wuxian that there was a lot of unpleasant history between Lan Zhan and Jiang Cheng that wasn’t likely to ever change because they both held grudges.

“Treatises exist regarding the link between emotion and qi disruption, particularly in developing cores,” Lan Zhan said instead, his way of asking gently for information.

“It’s troublesome; just things from before, things I never had a chance to think about because things got messy.”

The end of his first life had involved the Siege of the Burial Mounds and being ripped apart by fierce corpses, after all, and there were large holes in his memory, spans of time that were missing, when he knew time was passing and the world kept moving, but he had no recollection of any of it and he didn’t even know how to begin to find the words to discuss it, as much as he talked.

“Water can carry a boat and also overturn it,” Lan Zhan said.

Though Xunzi intended the sentiment to refer to the need for rulers to consider the needs of the people, Wei Wuxian could see how it applied—he couldn’t ignore his own needs anymore without capsizing.

“That’s why I left to travel, kind of, but I can’t do that dodging assassins.”

Nie Hengxiang had been following him for some time, and he had no doubt he’d witnessed Wei Wuxian struggle—he had difficult nights thinking about Shijie and Wen Qing, other ghosts from the past, unable to keep from poring over his own memories of the last few months of his first life, and at least one difficult night he had gotten ahold of some Lotus Breeze and had been lost in grief. It was a minor miracle that the young man hadn’t been scared off, but the Unclean Realm had already had to clean up after him, and he knew at some point he’d feel stifled, and he wouldn’t be able to leave until the assassination issue was dealt with.

Or, more realistically, others would fuss if he even tried, and it was only a matter of time before he wound up blowing up his workroom out of sheer boredom, at least once the Nie puzzle was solved.

“I will speak with Nie-zongzhu,” Lan Zhan promised.

Wei Wuxian was filled with affection. All his life, or lives, he had fallen and, with no one to catch him. He’d lost his fear of falling long ago, but hitting the ground hurt. If someone was there to catch him…

Lan Zhan had made it a point to stay by his side after his return, and had tried to before he’d died, when Wei Wuxian hadn’t let him. In this life, he had quietly offered unwavering support, even carried him. Now Lan Zhan had again flown to his side as though to catch him, offering the sort of soft landing he craved.

Impossible as it seemed, Wei Wuxian wanted nothing more than to never be apart from him again.

“Nie-xiong has it in hand, I’m sure.”

He knew Nie Huaisang likely would deal with the issue of stopping whoever was sending the assassins in whatever way he saw fit, and he knew better than to request details from him. Wei Wuxian would prefer not to know, and tried not to feel guilt at the same time—Nie Huaisang was capable of much, probably as much as he was toward the end of his first life, but perhaps less foolish about it, and he had enough blood on his own hands. Where ignorance was bliss, it was folly to be wise.

“I’m still trying to make sense of what I do remember, and it turns out my memory is poor.”

Lan Zhan leveled him with a flat look that made him laugh; after all, he had boasted of his memory, and yet it had taken him most of their travels to remember where he had heard the song. He was still owed its title.

“I know. My memory has always been poor, like I have only one hazy memory of my parents and the donkey.”

“Little Apple?”

Wei Wuxian smiled fondly at his zhiji; who else would make that sort of connection?

He’d planned at first to night hunt his way out of jianghu, never to return, and when he saw Little Apple it was such an odd convergence with the beginning of his last life, just seemed right to take her. Clearly her owner, who left her saddled and tethered on the street in the middle of the night, didn’t appreciate her, and he liked to think he’d at least given her a more interesting life.

Though he hadn’t managed to leave the jianghu, Wei Wuxian wasn’t sorry. Lan Zhan leading while he rode Little Apple was a little like that snippet of memory, and many times their quest he was struck by the odd parallels, wondering what they meant, but he’d figured it out finally—for all his loss of family, he had Lan Zhan.

“I have holes in my memories of my last life, it seems, and it got worse especially toward the end—Nightless City but not how I got back to the Burial Mounds, and very little of the months before the Siege.”

Lan Zhan’s focus on him sharpened abruptly, and Wei Wuxian distracted himself from his nerves by pouring them both tea, the medicinal blend bitter but in line with the fare at the Cloud Recesses. He also poured dried seasoned mushrooms from the fresh bag the servants had left on the table for him.

“I returned you to the Burial Mounds,” Lan Zhan said.

Wei Wuxian nearly dropped the plate, startled by the admission, and he could do little more than stare at him. The memory of the scars on his back, discovered not long after his return, rose unbidden, and he felt ill at the knowledge that this was likely the reason for them. And then he’d gone and died despite Lan Zhan’s efforts, leaving him to heal from what had looked like an obscene number of lashes while grieving.

Likely it was more complicated; surely Lan Qiren wouldn’t have him whipped so viciously for so little. But Wei Wuxian wouldn’t ask, knowing he would share the details if he wished, partly because he was afraid to know. He wanted to say Lan Zhan shouldn’t have, but he knew that would belittle his sacrifice, even if he felt strongly that he hadn’t been worth it.

He’d known he was headed inexorably toward death, and he hadn’t meant to drag someone as bright as Lan Zhan with him into the dark. He’d tried to push him away so he wouldn’t be caught up in the fallout, but he was too good, would never abandon him willingly.

“I’m sorry, I don’t remember,” he said finally, tracing the rim of his teacup with one finger.

“No apologies or thank yous between us,” Lan Zhan reminded him.

They had agreed to that before Wei Wuxian knew how much he had hurt Lan Zhan, how much he needed to make up for. He remembered telling Jin Ling that someday he would wind up saying both through tears, then remembering Wen Qing’s final words to him as he lay paralyzed in the Burial Mounds.

“I thought you wanted me to go with you to Gusu for punishment,” he said heavily, an apology. “I wasn’t really thinking rationally.”

A part of him had thought he deserved it, for daring to manipulate resentful energy, for daring to survive the Burial Mounds no matter what the cost. Mostly he had just expected censure from the jianghu, and hadn’t figured on surviving the war; waking up several days after the final battle had been a somewhat unwelcome surprise, and Lan Zhan’s entrance and insistence on trying to help him by playing the guqin, regardless of how fruitless it was, had been a welcome, if bittersweet, distraction.

“I know you wanted to help, now, but while everything was happening…”

Wei Wuxian sighed, not sure how to broach the subject even after time thinking about it, and he delayed further by taking a sip of the ridiculously bitter medicinal tea, unable to keep himself from pulling a face at the taste.

“I couldn’t be your equal anymore, like fate without destiny,” he finally said.

He knew Lan Zhan would understand the romantic undertones of the phrase, though he felt like a coward for confessing in such a roundabout way, and moreso because he didn’t dare to look at him, particularly when Lan Zhan’s breath caught briefly.

“We have the destiny to meet across a thousand miles,” Lan Zhan murmured after a long moment, his voice rough, “and beyond death.”

The rejoinder, using another proverb about love, made Wei Wuxian look up, and the way Lan Zhan looked at him, the obvious love, pulled at his heart and undammed his mouth, bringing everything out in a rush.

“Lan Zhan, I have a poor memory, and I didn’t understand how I felt back then. You’re really great. I like you, or in other words, I fancy you, I love you, I want you, I can’t leave you, I whatever you. I want to night-hunt with you for the rest of my life. I don’t want anyone but you—it can’t be anyone but you—”

Wei Wuxian wasn’t able to let out another sound, as Lan Zhan pushed the table aside and embraced him tightly, pulling him to his feet and silencing him with his lips and tongue. Though he had always been a little weirded out by the idea of another person’s tongue in his mouth, with Lan Zhan he thought perhaps this was what he had craved all his life.

Breathlessly between lingering kisses, Lan Zhan repeated his words, and he could feel the intense beat of his heart, his own throbbing in his chest as well.

“I didn’t know,” Wei Wuxian said, letting a note of apology slip into his voice before he was silenced again by a more insistent kiss, Lan Zhan’s teeth biting his lip, surprising him with how good that felt.

Normally he would have felt trapped, pushed with his back against the wall, the heat of Lan Zhan’s body pressed along the front of him in a delicious counterbalance to the cool stone, but instead he felt almost absurdly safe. Lan Zhan tasted better than the finest wine—even Emperor’s Smile couldn’t hold a candle. He couldn’t wait to taste more of him.

“Ah, you stole my first kiss,” he panted when they broke for breath. “Take accountability.”

“Gladly,” Lan Zhan huffed, claiming his lips again and shifting against him in a way that pushed something hot and unmistakable against his belly, large enough to feel clearly through all the layers of robes, and his own cock jolted in response.

He had thought Nie Huaisang’s porn had been overestimating, but instead Lan Zhan was even more well-endowed than the artist had assumed.

“You’re so big—how is that supposed to fit?” he gasped as Lan Zhan moved to suck on his neck, leaving his mouth free, and the comment was clearly well-received. “Ah, how is it getting bigger?! Lan Zha—”

Lan Zhan swallowed any further words, though Wei Wuxian happily made other use of his tongue and kept up a litany of filthy comments whenever his mouth was free, enjoying the way it made him even harder.

They didn’t make it to the bed, yanking each other’s clothing half off, desperately rutting in the friction of their robes, eventually both of them in Lan Zhan’s hand, making a mess of each other in the best way.

When his knees went weak in the aftermath of his orgasm, Lan Zhan carried him to the bed and worked to rid them of their clothes, his cock already at attention again. He looked like carved jade, his skin smooth and glistening with sweat from their exertions, though Wei Wuxian knew if he turned the whip scars would be visible.

The Wen brand on his chest, in the exact location his had been in his first life, engulfed his attention, and he couldn’t stop himself from reaching forward to trace the shape with his finger.

“Is this related to me, too?” he couldn’t help but ask, acutely aware that the other scars Lan Zhan bore were on his behalf.

“Nothing. I was drunk,” Lan Zhan responded after a moment of silence, and then surged forward, pushing him back on the bed and caging his body with his own.

Wei Wuxian was suitably distracted when he learned Lan Zhan didn’t know about the use of oil, and quickly educated him, both verbally and demonstrably, leaving both of them panting with arousal. The stretch hurt enough that he didn’t want to think of how it would have been without the oil.

When Lan Zhan was fully sheathed, pressing him into the bed with his weight, he shook slightly with the effort of staying still to let Wei Wuxian adjust to the pressure and heat, his cock throbbing with his heartbeat, and Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but laugh.

“Lan Zhan, what would your uncle think, doing this without being married! He’d surely drown you in a pig cage!”

“I have considered us wed since the Cold Spring cave,” Lan Zhan replied.

He didn’t give Wei Wuxian any time to process the statement before he began to thrust, the pace punching his breath from his lungs, a jolt of pleasure rippling across his body and down his spine unexpectedly.

Wei Wuxian’s brain took a moment to catch up, overwhelmed by sensation—Lan Zhan’s big hands gripping his ass as he pulled him into each thrust, his calloused fingers pressed into the flesh so hard they might leave bruises, the loud erotic slap of Lan Zhan’s thighs against his buttocks with each thrust a distraction, the growing heat between them.

The headband… Lan Yi… and the bow.

Of course he’d accidentally eloped with Lan Zhan back then, the most important moment in his life unknown to him. And so when he’d said Lan Zhan looked as though he was mourning a wife… it hadn’t been far off from the truth. Not that they’d ever consummated the marriage back then.

“We could’ve been doing this when we were fifteen?” Wei Wuxian squawked, outraged that so much time was wasted. “Ah, we should do this every day.”

Lan Zhan’s response was to increase the tempo, as though to make up for the lost time, and Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but tease him about when he first wanted to fuck him, making a game of listing the different times they could have been doing this during the lectures and beyond. He could feel himself spiraling with the waves of pleasure, begged Lan Zhan to slow down, wanting this to last longer.

“Ah, softer, it’s my first time. Be nice.”

Though he eased a bit, Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but tease him more, about how Lan Zhan could have Silenced him in the library so he couldn’t protest, and it was clear his words were stoking his lust, as the pace increased again.

By the time he came, Wei Wuxian had resorted to begging, and then Lan Zhan continued, fucking him through his orgasm and into an almost painful overstimulation, his body trying to come again even though his cock was already spent. His body twisted, moving without his will, and eventually a deep wave of undulating pleasure washed across him, leaving his limbs limp. Lan Zhan’s thrusts turned erratic and a hot wet warmth filled him as he came.

Wei Wuxian came back to himself when Lan Zhan lifted him from the bed and the warmth of the bath water enveloped him. He had to thank Nie Huaisang for his forethought, the warmth easing muscles that were unused to exertion but would surely build quickly.

They bathed languidly and then took advantage of the tub to fuck again, neither of them caring about the growing puddle around the tub, the suction of the water with each thrust too delicious to resist.

Lan Zhan, ever the gentleman, dried him with a strange sort of reverence, though perhaps not so strange if Wei Wuxian considered how long it had taken them to get here, two lifetimes, and then settled him at the table with a fresh pot of tea while he stripped the soiled bedding.

He thought it a waste, as they’d just soil them again later, but when Lan Zhan carried him to the bed he was happy they were fresh and soft against his skin. It was an entirely different sort of pleasure to sprawl with him naked across the bed, skin to skin in a different form of intimacy. Lan Zhan let him doze, simply holding him, and his nap was blessedly peaceful, as though his zhiji was a talisman against nightmares.

Later, when they eventually left the room for a much-needed dinner, they found a silencing talisman affixed to the door, a stack of them tucked into a parcel on the floor, a not-so-subtle message that made Lan Zhan’s ears turn red.

Surely a coincidence, none of the juniors, Nie or Lan, could look at them in the dining hall. Poor Lan Jingyi’s face was so flushed he looked like he’d been dunked in rouge, and Wei Wuxian amused himself talking to the teen, finding it fun to fluster him by just reminding him of his presence.

Nie Huaisang, on the other hand, looked ridiculously smug and he didn’t bother to hide it behind a fan.

Wei Wuxian had to concede he was very much entitled.

————

The phrase “fate without destiny” is often used when breaking up or ending a relationship, so Wei Wuxian is confessing he no longer felt he could be beside Lan Wangji. The first part of Lan Wangji’s response is also a proverb, though the last bit is added because he wants to make it clear his feelings have not lessened.

This is the end of this fic, but not the series. I’m not sure when I’ll start the next installment, as I’m participating in the WangXian Winter Solstice Gift Exchange again, and I have all the other in-progress fics to work on as well.

Writing has been slow lately. I’ve been put on a biologic injection for my autoimmune disease, and it’s helping but the help is painful right now. My brain is often really foggy, so I’ve been doing loom knitting when I can’t do anything else. I have a rheumatologist now and am being tested to find out if I have other coexisting autoimmune issues.

Personal life has also been pretty chaotic, which is also slowing my recovery. The sheer amount of drama my family can generate is a little amazing.

So mostly I’ve been writing when participating in Six Sentence Sunday and WIP Wednesday on Tumblr, slowly and deliberately, then fleshing out that when I’m able.

Thank you for your continued patience, and thank you adrian_kres for the beta!

[cobiehaven]

Eagle — Lee Sangyeon

SYNOPSIS; where sangyeon wants to seal away the readers curse.

PAIRING; hero!sangyeon x villain!reader

GENRE; drama, short story

WORD COUNT; 0.5k

TAGS/WARNINGS; cocky!sangyeon, reader is a dragon, cringe asf, mild language, has the most cliche ending.

AUTHORS NOTE; does this count as beastality? 😭.

the deep inhale and exhale was almost enough to blow sangyeon away as you watched him through the darkness of your widened cave. you could hear him from a mile away as he made little to no effort to be quiet with his steps.

you supposed that he already knew you were aware of his presence.

with the brush of his large torch, your eyes glowed with anger as the man dare step foot into your lair. the heat from your inner flare starting to build up in your stomach as he reeked of the towns village bread.

the village that you once were apart of and abandoned many years ago. you ended up here in some unfortunate circumstances due to a deep curse that was placed on you, turning you into an ugly beast that banished from the square. now you live here, away from people, where you prefer to be. those unworthy humans didn’t deserve to be fed of their selfish satisfaction.

“so, are you the beast everyone has been gossiping about?” sangyeon asked, as if he didn’t already put two and two together.

you looked down at him, he was so small from where you were. “if you’ve come to challenge me, i suggest you turn around and go back to that putrid village you reek of.”

“so you know of my hometown?”

the small talk was starting to piss you off.

you didn’t answer. your hardened glare was enough for him to get the answer he needed. but to much of your surprise, he just smiled. “what is it? have you come to mock me?” you asked, your deep breaths making it hard for him to keep his balance. “nothing. its just, you have no idea why exactly i’m here,” he chuckled. “that’s exactly what i’ve been asking you for the past 5 minutes you’ve been here.” he just continued to smile like an idiot. it really really started to piss you off now. that was until he said his next few words. “i’m here to cure you.” it took you a second to register what exactly he said but once you did, your eyes widened to meet his chocolate ones.

“…what?” you were in disbelief.

“you heard me.”

“but.. what? how? there is no cure! i’m sure of it!”

“but that’s what you think.”

you narrowed your eyes at this man, was he being serious? how was he possibly going to cure you? “to lift the curse..” you were hungry for the answer. “you have to fall in love with a human.”

the long pause was so thick with tension that someone could cut the air and get seriously hurt.

“in the fairytales i’ve read, the hero enters the cave to slay the dragon. not to join them,” you said with the most amount of sass you could add, resting back on your legs as you were tired of hearing this hero’s nonsense.

“i guess it’s a good thing this is our fairytale instead.”

© cobiehaven 2023

[doublesidedgemini]

11/24

My Thanksgiving outfit hehehe :-) I always like to dress up!!

tw: no food log today but major convo about purging

I’m guessing I was at around 3,000 cals yesterday. I tried to log as best I could throughout the day, MFP has me at 2,866 but I figure I’ll round up a bit cos I didn’t measure out everything 100%. I did purge unfortunately but idk how many cals that got rid of honestly.

I genuinely didn’t want to purge yesterday. I told myself not to. But I ate so much at dinner, and even though I ate slow, I ate way more than I normally do and it fucking HURT. Plus I was wearing tights and my waistband did not help 😂 My stomach was genuinely uncomfortable at being so full and I felt relief to get some of it out. I didn’t force myself to keep going until it was all gone, just enough to relieve some pressure…. So there’s that at least.

I guess it’s fucked up my stomach already can’t handle a full plate of food — I didn’t overload it like crazy or anything. I guess it’s fucked up I felt relief after purging. I guess I’m fucked up. I told myself not to and it happened anyway. On the one hand, I guess this means I really am sick and not just doing this to myself for funsies. On the other hand, did I only start getting sick BECAUSE I wanted to? I don’t know.

Anyway. At least I looked cute yesterday, except I hate my fucking calves. I think my thighs look okay though. I haven’t been able to wear this dress in AGES cos it was so fucking tight on me, but now it fits me nicely :)

I’m trying not to log ANYTHING at all today, and just eat whatever I want but eat small amounts throughout the day so my tummy doesn’t hurt so bad. It honestly felt like a waste to throw up my dinner last night, and I felt sad after lol :( I don’t want that to happen again today. I want to ENJOY the food I fucking made dammit. I might even make another green bean casserole cos we barely have leftovers and it’s my fave!! One casserole won’t kill me. A few servings of food won’t kill me. I’ll be okay. I’ll be okay. I’ll be okay.

[finderseeker]

HERE’S MORE. I GUESS

the, uh. Previous part, for context. Yeah and there’s a tag now. For stuff related to the actual… “plot” of this. It’s #seeker/tempus storyline (hopefully that works on mobile,,)

This was not supposed to turn into a thing. This cannot become a whole thing I need to get back to my actual fic—

*sigh* But. Here we are. 4000 words of,,, whatever this is. I namedrop the other skeletons and then it’s Tempus ruminating and then him and Seeker crying at each other

Papyrus and Sans were, as one might expect, surprised Seeker tried to leave suddenly, especially without saying goodbye. WD only had part of the story when he went to tell them, after dropping her and Tempus off at the house. (He may have omitted the part where he initially refused to help Tempus stop her from getting killed.)

When the brothers all return to their house, a couple hours later, Seeker is curled into Tempus’s chest on the couch, and there’s a small pile of crumpled tissues on the floor. She’s since fallen asleep from exhaustion, but as tired as he is, Tempus can’t find it in himself to sleep too.

She said she loves him. It made his entire SOUL feel bright to hear that returned. He wishes they had been able to tell each other under better circumstances, but it remains a truth regardless, doesn’t it? Still, the joy is muted by fear and hurt. Does it make sense why she wanted to leave? Yes. Did she actually intend to leave him behind forever without ever saying goodbye? No. But it keeps replaying in his mind, the look on her face when he burst in to plead with her: the way she tried to ignore him. Yes, alright, she was probably focusing on not getting hit, but— there was just something about her expression. Something that stung like rejection. Would she not have told him her intention, even then, if he hadn’t directly interfered? She later told him that she didn’t know if she’d be able to come back, had she made it to the surface. What did that mean? Was there a version of this where she left and couldn’t return and he would have just never known why?

He pushes the thought away best he can and tries to redirect his attention.

It feels good to be able to hold her like this. To comb his fingers through her hair. To experience all the weird things close-up, like her heartbeat, and swallowing, and stomach noises.

…As happy as he is that she’s alive, and here, and loves him back, he’s a little upset at her, yeah. Yet how can he be? If he were in her shoes, wouldn’t he miss his family the same? And she wanted to help everyone. She wanted to help. It made sense to try to leave and come back—

But why was she so determined not to talk to him first? Maybe he wouldn’t have been happy about it, but…

And not only did she try to leave, not only did she try to ignore him when he came to find her, not only did she refuse to give any kind of explanation— she tricked him. Since the day they met, before he even knew her, he trusted her with his eyes. One of the first things she had learned about him was that he could hardly see more than blurred colors without his glasses. Sure, he took them off himself plenty of times, whether for his safety goggles, or to look cool in shades, or for some other reason, but that was different. She threw his glasses. She made him think she was relenting, coming to him in trust, and she tore them off his face.

Was everything else not enough without that on top?

She knew he wouldn’t stop otherwise. That was a correct assessment. She was convinced that what she was doing was necessary. That made her do things she otherwise would not have.

But did she have to twist the knife?

No amount of reasoning through it can pull out the seeds of doubt and fear that have begun to take root in his heart. No matter how long he spends sitting there absently stroking her hair and staring at the wall, no matter how much he reflects on what she told him, the thoughts of “she would leave if she could” play in perfect harmony with that background music in his soul that he rarely even notices anymore: a perpetual fear of abandonment.

And so when his cousins come home later, with Seeker asleep on his chest, he is sure the tracks of tears on his cheeks are still visible— as if the hollow expression on his face and equally hollow glowing of his eyelights isn’t enough to tell them he isn’t up for talking.

For once, no one tries to kick him off the couch for the night.

Papyrus brings them a blanket. At one point, without him noticing, Sans (presumably— since no one else can move that unnoticed) leaves a bag of takeout from Grillby’s next to the couch. Tempus eats his feelings in the form of then-cold fries. When he and WD catch each other’s eye at one point, Tempus looks away. Never one to push, WD leaves him alone.

In truth, he’s kind of pissed at his cousin. No, that’s not true. He’s livid. Sure: WD took him to the castle, and brought them home, and healed them. But he saw Seeker leave and wasn’t going to say anything? He knew full well what would have happened. He would have let her be killed. Even knowing how Tempus feels, even knowing she meant no harm, even knowing she thought of him as a friend! A human may be powerful, but not only is it blatantly obvious that Seeker would never kill, if WD had any doubt that Asgore would prevail, he would not have let her go.

He knew, he knew that he was letting her walk to her death. And then he tried to convince Tempus to let it happen.

WD is a nervous guy, and fears humans. As comfortable with Seeker as he had allowed himself to become in the last few months, none of the other skeletons were under the mistaken impression that he liked her very much. Even still, Tempus had thought it was more out of fear of being discovered or reported, out of fear for his reputation maybe, out of a lifetime of only focusing on humans’ potential for harm. Never, not once did Tempus think that WD, the cousin he was closest to, would just let someone die. And not just anyone— someone Tempus cares about.

In the end, is this how it really is? Not even the people you love care enough to tell you the truth unless you force it out of them. If it weren’t strictly necessary, would anyone actually tell him anything? Could he even trust them when they did?

Slapped in the face twice in one day.

…These fries taste awful cold.

- - -

Seeker wakes up late at night, when it’s dark in the house and everyone is quiet. Her head hurts like she got hit with a bat. …Why does it smell like fries? And what is she laying on? She sits up.

Oh.

Tempus.

Everything comes rushing back all at once and the guilt almost makes her vomit. He’s sleeping, but must not have fallen asleep too long ago because he looks like he’s been crying. It makes her heart twist so painfully that her eyes water a little. He was crying. And it was her fault. Gosh, he deserves so much better than her. When she thinks about everything he’s done for her, and how she’s repaid him…

A sharp, bitter laugh tears out of her before she can stop it. She still owes him $20.

Her stomach gurgles. She knows she’s hungry, and needs to eat, but the idea of eating is utterly repulsive with the nauseating guilt. Instead, she leans over Tempus again. He fell asleep with his glasses on. Wait, didn’t she have hers on too? It only takes a split second to locate them on the side table next to the arm of the couch where Tempus’s head rests. He must have taken them off for her. It’s never comfortable to sleep with them on, after all. She moves to do the same for him, but freezes just before. The scene from earlier plays in her head, so vivid it’s like it’s happening in front of her, and she flinches away to cover her face and claw at her hair.

“BAD bad bad bad—”

It’s a tendency— or perhaps a compulsion, because she can’t always stop herself— when unpleasant memories intrude like this, to hiss something at them in a frantic whisper. To make them go away.

“I’ll do better I’ll do better—!”

It’s not the first time. It won’t be the last. But usually it’s older memories, not fresh ones.

She doesn’t try again to remove his glasses.

As much as she enjoys the thought of cuddling with him, she doesn’t feel totally comfortable with the idea of sharing a sleeping space just yet. She fell asleep on him in her exhausted misery, and she doesn’t blame him for not wanting to leave her alone. He probably didn’t think she would sleep so long, or that he would fall asleep too. But now that she’s awake, the best thing to do would probably be to sleep elsewhere.

…She very much does not want to leave. It’s cold outside, even just to get to where she’s claimed a “room” in the shed. And there’s nowhere else in the house. Well, there’s the floor. The floor would be alright— she can fall asleep just about anywhere, truthfully. But she’ll need another blanket. And maybe a pillow, if she can find one.

Seeker slowly moves to get off the couch without disturbing Tempus. She’s fairly certain she’s successful, too, until she turns and makes to step away.

“Seeker—! Don’t leave,” comes his voice, pleading and scratchy with sleep and tears, as small as she’s ever heard it. “Please.”

She spins with a pang in her heart to see Tempus’s outstretched hand reaching for her, eyes burning hollow periwinkle and already brimming with tears.

“Stars, please, Seeker. Please—”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she rushes to reassure, on her knees beside him in an instant with his hand in hers. “Just getting another blanket.”

He blinks at her, seemingly all the way awake now, then laughs bitterly and covers his face with his free hand, knees coming up as he curls. “Blanket.” He sighs, and smiles grimly through what she assumes is embarrassment. “Of course.”

“I’ll… be right back.” She squeezes his hand, then lets it go.

A moment later sees her return with a blanket and pillow. Tempus is sitting upright now, feet on the floor, with his face in his hands and his glasses pushed up to his forehead rather than taken off. Seeker slowly lowers to the couch beside him, pillow and blanket set to the side.

“I’m sorry,” she says, quietly. “I should have… done it differently.”

“You can get a blanket if you really want to,” Tempus mumbles, rubbing his sockets with the heels of his hands. “If that’s what you… But a heads-up woulda— Just, anything not to scare me so bad.”

She swallows. “I just… I don’t know if I could’ve…. still brought myself to get up, if I’d woken you up first.” She wrings her hands. “I would’ve felt awful, because I wanted you to be able to sleep. I thought I could go and get it with you being none the wiser. Okay maybe just… just a little colder for a minute, but then—”

“You really thought I’d be none the wiser!?” Tempus snaps suddenly, turning to look at her. “If you just disappeared!? With no explanation!?”

Seeker flinches away. With his lip curled in a snarl and his eyelights flared, he looks like a wounded animal. But it’s gone in an instant, and the anger gives way to hurt as he looks away again. But it’s done, and she’s retreated from him to the far side of the couch, curled in on herself and holding back tears again.

He’s right. (Because she knows he wasn’t talking about the blanket.) It was selfish. And she hurt him. Of course he’s upset. No matter what he said earlier, it was stupid to think he wouldn’t be, just because she was still here, and alive. He was just putting it aside for her sake. Because of course he’d do that, he’s Tempus. Lord, why was everything he did all for her?

“I’m sorry,” he says, and it’s a whimper. (‘Stop,’ she begs mentally, ‘my heart is going to break at this rate!’) She blinks back tears as she stares into his wide eyes, no longer flared periwinkle. “Didn’t mean to snap at you,” he rasps in apology, too fast, “y-you’re still…”

Seeker shakes her head and scoots closer. He turns his head away from her once again. “No,” she murmurs, “I should’ve handled it differently. It was— It was selfish.”

“You wanted to help everyone,” he counters, “that’s not selfish.”

“I shouldn’t have just left,” she presses, hoping the remorse is clear in her voice. “I should have talked with you guys.” She pauses. “With you.”

It’s quiet.

It’s quiet for a long time.

The blue darkness feels so big and so small; The whole entire world is somewhere in this dark, and at the same time there’s nothing in existence but this room and this janky green couch and the two of them. The empty fullness of it feels its own sort of alive.

“‘t’s hard to believe you,” Tempus murmurs after a while. After it’s been long enough that Seeker isn’t sure he’s talking about the same thing anymore.

She swallows nervously, afraid of the answer to what she’s about to ask. “That I regret how I handled it…?”

His head is still turned away from her, in the quiet. He doesn’t answer right away. The hesitation is palpable, the held-back energy full of so many reasons for being so. When he finally does answer, his voice shakes, shudders.

“That you love me.”

Seeker feels her heart break right in half.

“A-And I know, it’s not the time—!” Tempus throws a hand up as he continues, voice finally breaking as it all comes pouring out, and it’s so thick with tears and the same distressed smile he keeps forcing. He looks at the ceiling. The next part comes out with a laugh that’s trying very hard not to be a sob. “Ya just lost your family, this— this isn’t gonna be somethin’ you can deal with right now. I get it!”

She reaches toward him, hand hovering over his shoulder as he breaks down.

“But—”

Her hand curls around his arm, and he spins around to face her with an expression that shatters what’s left of her heart.

“—But to leave a-an’ then not even talk to me when I came runnin’! Ya kept your eyes shut every time I tried to getcha to look! And when I finally— When ya did, it—” He swallows a hiccup and shakes his head, looking somehow even more hurt. His eyes are lit again. “You tricked me,” he whispers. “Cuz y’know I can’t see.” He lets that hang in the air for a moment. “A-An’ then, when ya realized ya can’t leave, then,” he laughs, almost incredulously, “then y’tell me ya love me.”

Seeker can barely look at him, but he deserves to be looked in the eye. He shakes his head. “I-I wanna believe you so bad, Seeker, but what’m I s’posed to think?”

It does sound worse, like that. It was a given that he’d be upset, but she hadn’t thought about how confused he must be. How contradictory her actions must seem. And lord, it crushes her to see him hurting like this. She’s overwhelmed, unsure how to proceed, weighed down by her own grief and still processing the fact that she almost died today, on top of all of this with Tempus. She only wanted to reassure him when she told him that she felt the same, earlier, with all he had done for her. But instead all she did was make it worse. Lord, she always makes everything worse, no matter how she tries to make things better.

“I-I—” She’s utterly at a loss, searching his watery eyes with her own damp ones and wanting nothing more than to somehow clarify everything, fix everything, make him feel like he’s hers and she wants him and loves him and it’s real, it’s all real!

Not knowing what else to do, what she could possibly say, she reaches for his hands and intertwines their fingers as she leans closer. “I do,” she insists, urgently. Frantic, almost. “I’m so bad at everything about this and I did a really, really terrible job of showing it, but I do, I do!”

Her heart is in her throat and tears are burning her eyes and the longer she looks at him the more pieces her heart breaks into.

“Everything you do is for me, even though I’m oblivious, even though sometimes I’m crappy to be around, even though I’m so bad at being a good friend, even though you haven’t gotten anything back for it but hurt. I-I thought if I told you how I feel the same way, after everything you did for me today, th-then it would be reassuring that it wasn’t for nothing. But I made it worse!! I’m so sorry, Tempus, I’m sorry for all of it! But I meant it—” She sniffs and drops her head. It’s a small thing, but maybe it will mean something; she brings his knuckles to her lips.

“I do… do love you,” she insists, softly. “I’m bad at it, but I wanna- I wanna prove it.” A sniffle. “I just need… a little time. T-To grieve.”

Tempus sniffs too, and when she looks up he’s still crying but his cheeks are flushed. He nods a couple times before finding his words, between the occasional hiccup.

“That’s fair. ‘M… ‘m sorry, I didn’t want t’… bring all this up. B-But it…”

Seeker shakes her head. “No, you’re hurting too. That should get talked about.” Her fingers tighten around his. “I’m sorry your feelings keep getting put on the back burner.”

“They’re not as im—” He’s cut off by her head whipping up and the intensity in her eyes.

“Don’t say that! It makes me feel awful!” she cries. His mouth clicks shut. Seeker leans in close, one hand untangling from his to hover close to his face as she looks him over with so much heartache. “Everything about you is important. Just as important as anything about anyone else.” She swallows. “And— and more. Important. Than stuff about anyone else. T-To… To me.”

He stares at her in bewilderment, and then his eyes go periwinkle— solid, with white centers this time— as a fresh wave of tears hits. Another hitch in his breathing, and he leans his face into her hovering hand and presses over it with his own hand.

“You have every right to be mad at me,” Seeker murmurs, miserable at the idea despite knowing it’s her own fault. “But don’t think I did any of this because I don’t care. Or- Or because you’re not as important.”

His eyes search hers, and his mouth opens like he wants to say something, but he changes his mind, and as he turns his eyes away, they fade back to just white. Still, he holds her hand to his face, and she thumbs away some stray tears.

“Tempus,” Seeker begins again, her voice still wobbly, and he glances back up. She makes sure she’s looking at him. “I’m sorry I took your glasses. And I’m sorry I threw them. That was…” She gulps. “That was a really shitty thing to do.”

She doesn’t like to swear, but occasionally there really is no other word that fits. This is one of those times. Tempus doesn’t even flinch at hearing it from her.

“…Yeah,” he whispers back, looking down. “It was.”

All the guilt she feels is deserved, she reminds herself. He doesn’t owe her forgiveness, either. And there’s more to apologize for.

“A-And I’m sorry I tricked you.”

His face scrunches up painfully and he almost turns away.

“It’s not an excuse,” she continues, “but in the moment I really did think it was the only way. Doesn’t make it okay, or right, but at- at least know it’s not because I didn’t…”

Didn’t what? Didn’t care about his well-being or safety? Obviously she must not, if she did that! Didn’t want him there? She didn’t, though, or she would’ve told him her plan ahead of time. There wasn’t a single good reason. Everything about that action betrayed a lack of respect. What could she even say?

“L-Like I said, I… should’ve handled the entire thing differently. And I’m sorry. F-For everything it implies.”

“Y’know I can’t see,” he whispers, an echo from earlier. Still doesn’t look at her.

“Y-Yeah.” She won’t try to avoid taking responsibility. Her hand squeezes around his. “It was too far. Way too far.” Seeker’s chest aches and it comes out in her voice. “I will never do anything like that again.” He finally looks back up at her. “You deserve more respect than that. I’m sorry. It doesn’t feel like enough, but I am.”

Silence as he searches her eyes, silence as she hopes he sees her earnestness in her expression, in her tears. Silence as he lowers his gaze and her heart drops with it.

“Promise.” It’s more of a question, a request, than a demand. Spoken so quietly she can barely hear.

“I swear to you.” No hesitation.

He pulls away from her hand on his face but doesn’t let go of it, and instead turns further to face her, leg up on the couch, and drops his head to rest against her shoulder when she turns too. He holds her hand against his face once more. Seeker lets go of his other hand to wrap her arm around his back.

“Okay,” is all he murmurs.

Is it acceptance, or resignation?

She rubs his back, slowly, up and down, tracing over the flattened spines down the middle when she comes to them. His little tail, sticking out from the bottom of his shirt, sways back and forth in time. Rather than say anything more, Seeker closes her eyes and presses her face against the top of his head. She’s so fortunate that after everything, he’s still here. Maybe he won’t want to be, once everything settles. That’s well within his right. But he’s here right now, and he wants to be close despite it all, and for never having acted on their feelings before now, really, holding him feels so natural.

Undoubtedly, he can feel her teardrops on his skull, but he doesn’t say anything. Seeker reflects on the irony of the whole situation: in a bid to save everything, she lost almost all of it. No more family. No way home. Maybe she could have coped with those facts better if she’d known sooner, and had her skeleton friends’ support. But instead it went like this, and she betrayed all of them, almost lost her life, almost lost Tempus— might still lose Tempus.

But he’s here for now. And she deserves whatever he decides to do, but right now, she just wants him to know, more than anything, that while her well-intentioned attempts to do the right thing were very misguided, while she was (and still is, even) prepared to give up who she cares about for the greater good—

“I love you.”

Said right against his skull, like she could somehow whisper it into his very being. She feels his fingers curl in the back of her shirt.

“I don't think… I could be very good to you. Right now. But if…” She swallows. This a lot to ask. She can hardly so much as whisper it. “If you'd wait… I’ll get better.”

Silence.

“J-Just think about it.”

He must be exhausted. Emotionally, mentally, physically. She feels his weight begin to sag against her– and while not especially so, he's heavier than she had once thought a skeleton would be. Maybe, maybe she can make an exception to her sleeping rule. These are extenuating circumstances.

“C’mere.”

With the pillow and blanket from earlier behind her, she shifts them around with one hand and holds Tempus close with the other. When it's sorted out, she leans back and pulls him with her. He doesn't fight it, instead adjusting himself as they move to better fit around her. Hesitantly, he finally removes his glasses, and reaches to set them on the arm of the couch behind her. It all ends with him half on his side, half on his stomach; half on her and half beside her. But the important thing is that his head is tucked under hers, and his arms are around her, and hers are around him. She pulls the blankets up over them.

One last little sniffle, and she squeezes him gently. “Get some sleep, Tem.”

He hums some sound at the nickname, but whether it's in approval or not, Seeker can't tell. In either case, he turns his face into her shoulder. She rests a hand on the back of his skull.

“I’ll be here when you wake up.”

[its-in-the-woods]

The Woman Who Couldn’t Die Part 3

master list

Part 1 , Part 2,

Pairing: The Ghoul/Cooper Howard x Original Character 

Alternative Universe where I make things up cause I can only research so much

Synopsis: His hands found their way to her hips, when was the last time he had looked at someone? Someone that he wasn’t trying to use, or kill. Her eyes roved over his, he kept waiting to see disgust or disinterest, instead her eyes just held his. A small smile played over her lips, as she glanced down

MINOR GET OUT. Rating/Warning: This is based on fallout expect Canon typical: Drug use, dEath, graphic viOlence, suggestions of SA, NonCon (not by the mc) suggestions of non con bodily harm, body horror, angst, hurt/comfort, death or people and animals, ptsd, drugs and alcohol use, addiction, slow build, angst with no comfort

Note: These will be spaced out as I am heavily editing and researching them. Each chapter will be 2-3+k words. Tags will be edited based on the chapter, please make sure you read them.

Also note that I will not be spoiling any of the reading. I will keep my tags relevant without spoiling what is happening in the story.

Jade didn't expect to feel suffocated as they entered into the settlement. The place was busy, people rushed back and forth, and there was an air of uncertainty. Mutters of raiders hanging around had the men at the gates asking a lot of questions. They were almost turned away until the Ghoul had fished out a handful of caps. The guard had taken a second before snatching them and letting them in. The place was the usual, several ramshackle buildings shoved together and surrounded by piles of trash that stood as walls. People gave them both the side eyes as they moved through the different kiosks and grifters. 

The Ghoul didn’t say much just moving off towards a ramshackle pharmacy, Jade sighed at that. Guessing that their deal was now done, dead raiders or not she had only paid him to get here. The movement of people made her skin itch, too many people, too many eyes, too much of everything. She pushed back that crawling feeling that was poking at her neck. If she was gonna lose it she needed to be somewhere private, outside town. For now, she just needed to get some new clothes that actually fit.  She saw a small shop with various clothes peeking out through some dust-covered windows, the place looked mostly empty which would be a good spot to try and clear her head. 

Her heart slowed as she made her way into the buildings going through the racks of pieced-together clothing. Hoping to find something that fits a little better than her current attire. Her stomach was still knotted from her breakdown in the woods. Kill or be killed, was how she had lived most of her life, but seeing the raider beg for his life just to end it, had snapped something in her. The raider couldn’t have been out of adolescence, just a kid really, they all were just kids. Trying to somehow survive in this world. She wondered if they would have even attacked them, but they would have. The Ghoul had several rounds in his shoulder to prove that, and the raider he had skewered as he jumped out of the bush would have cut her throat just the same. Going soft over the dead would help no one. She needed to keep pushing forward or she’d end up dead. 

The woman at the front was watching her closely, as she pulled out a shirt, a pair of cargo pants, and a heavier jacket. She had managed to grab a small amount of caps from the raiders. It won’t be enough but maybe a trade could be brokered. 

“How much for these?” Jade asked, undoing her bag and putting it at her feet. The woman at the front wore a scowl as she came up to the counter. 

“Eighty caps,” The woman chewed, her eyes looking Jade over. She was slim, like most folks, skin tanned by the never-ending sun, wearing a handmade dress. 

“Could I do thirty caps and trade you some chems?” Jade asked, pulling out a few of the chems she’d snagged off the raiders. 

The woman looked over the chems in front of her, eyes narrowing at the different bottles. Lips screwed up as she assessed each vial. She held them up to the skylight above her. 

“Where you get these?” The woman prodded, standing back and putting her hand under the counter. 

Jade backed up immediately, only grabbing her bag and putting it in front of her like a makeshift shield. Hand resting on her pistol behind the bag, she wasn’t the quickest draw but she wasn’t gonna let scrawny get her without a fight. 

“There were raiders outside the town, just took care of them. Scounged what I could, like anyone else,” She swallowed eyes looking at the vials of chems still on the counter. As the women twitched staring daggers at Jade. 

A familiar click sounded and Jade turned to see the Ghoul standing there with his gun pointed at the woman. His face was tight underneath the wide brim of his hat. His clothes fluttered around him as he stood there like something out of one of the old West novels Jade used to read. 

“The girl was just doin’ what we all doin’,” He said, moving around to grab the vials of chems off the counter. “You don’t like her deal, just say so.”

The woman moved slowly, putting both hands on the counter, her eyes wide as she watched the Ghoul move. Her hands shook slightly as she looked over the man. 

“Just had a lot of raiders around Ghoul. Don’t need my shop known for dealin’ with unsavory characters, such as yaself,'' She sputtered, “If the girl wants the clothes I will trade her what she offered.”

The Ghoul turned to Jade who had backed up even further, nodding his head at the women. The younger woman moved to drop the caps on the counter, turning to take the chems back from the Ghoul. She placed those down and grabbed the pieces of clothing.

“Thank you, for the trade,” Jade said briskly, turning to make sure the Ghoul was following her out of the building. His gun was still pointed at the cashier as he moved through the doorway, the way he moved was more cat-like. Fluid, quiet, and with ease. 

Outside the Ghoul grabs Jade’s shoulder and spins her around as she tries to move away. She stifled a squawk looking at his face, a hardened mask, eyes searching over her, was he looking to see if she was okay?

“Figured you’d have ditched me by now,” Jade said quickly, tucking her clothes into her bag and placing it back onto her back. Looking around to make sure no one else was gunning for them. A cold weight pressed against her stomach. 

The Ghoul sighed, turning away from her, “You’re welcome too, Pips-squeak.”

“I am going to go see if there is any work, maybe make enough to get a room,” The woman stated before walking towards the building with painted INN on the front. Underneath the awning was a board with several dozen sheets of paper pinned to it. 

Stopping, she was surprised to feel the Ghoul stop a few feet from her, “I can’t pay you anymore, the last of my caps were used for the clothes.”  The words felt bitter against her tongue, despite only knowing the man for three days, she had grown fond of him. They worked well together if the Raider incident was any indication, but she was certain that they’d be going their separate ways here.

“Ya, tryin’ to get rid of me, tiny?” The Ghoul chuckled, “Pretty sure you’d be radrat bait if I hadn’t walk’d in there.” 

“Just figured the contract was up,” She licked her lips, eyes scanning the flyers. Not much was actually sinking in, Jade had very little knowledge of how any of this worked. 

“Said ya wanted to be a bounty hunter.” The man said casually, Jade could see from the corner of her eye that he was staring at her. 

Jade turned, her hands tucking around the straps of her backpack as she looked at him. That prey feeling washed over her, “Yeah I did. What are you suggesting?”

The crooked smile came across his face, which made her stomach flutter, “Why not let me teach ya? Best bounty hunt’r around.”

She narrowed her eyes at him, moving slightly closer to him. “The best for now.” Trying to hold his eye contact and not let the fear and sudden arousal eat at her. 

He let out a short laugh, grabbing a flier off the wall. “Come on, got some roaches to kill.”

***

The Ghoul rests against a tree trying to wipe his face of the green guts from the radroach. Jade wasn't far from him flicking her hands of the viscous liquid. Stuff was everywhere and on everything, thicker than molasses on a cold day.  

They had traveled for a day to get to the farm, the farmer had been a bit too welcoming for his liking. Something about him was shifty, that and the fact there seemed to be no one else on the farm. That said he did give them half the caps before they even went to look for the roaches. It took an additional three days of searching to finally find the den, which ended up being much more than a den. It was a hive.

Both of them had run out of ammo, instead moving to machetes to cut and slaughter the never-ending swarm of beasts. Jade had got cut up several times. Nothing that stitches and stimpak won't fix, but it had made his heart clench to see the girl covered in both green and red blood. If she had died it would have made the whole thing much trickier, at least that’s what he told himself. They had managed to get all the way to the queen. A fat rotund thing that never stopped howling. Jade had climbed over the piles of dead bodies and decapitated the thing as Ghoul continued to fend off the last of the swarm. The woman had looked triumphant holding the things head in her hand, like some kind of warrior Queen.

Now out of the cave system, the Ghoul was unsuccessfully trying to get the slim off his face. It was becoming clear that some of the goop had gotten into his nose hole. It wasn’t the first time stuff had gotten up there, unfortunately he was fresh out of cotton swabs. 

“Fuck,” He growled, pulling his gloves off with his teeth and slapping them on the ground.

“What’s up?” Jade said coming over and plunking her bag down, the queen’s head strung up in a tree. Didn’t want to draw any unwanted attention to the thing, plus it was proof they’d done their job. 

The Ghoul felt around the edges of the cavity trying to figure out if he could dig the sludge out. Letting out a frustrated sigh, knowing his fingers would do more damage than good. He leaned forward and tried to shake it free but nothing came out.

“Do you have roach guts in your nose cavity?” The girl said, with a small chuckle as she diug around in her bag, and pulled out some cotton swabs.

He tried to wave her away, “It’ll come out on its own.” 

“Oh hush, and hold still,” She said, grabbing his chin to look at her. Her hands worked skillfully to remove his hat so she could see what she was doing. The fading daylight is just enough for her to see into his nose cavity. 

He froze, despite the number of scars she had. Her hands were soft, her grip on his chin firm as she tipped his head more to see what she was working with. He hadn’t been this close to her before, her eyes weren’t just brown. But brown with shots of green through them, her face mostly unmarred by the abuse she had suffered. Her hair slicked back into a ponytail full of roach guts. Her fingers worked quickly as she used the swab to scoop out some goop. He squirmed slightly, it was not painful but an uncomfortable feeling

“Shit, did that hurt?” Jade asked shifting so that she was nearly sitting in his lap.

The Ghoul just shook his head, he could feel how warm her body was. The way her thighs rested against his, her body almost pressing against his chest. His heart was pounding so loud he thought she’d be able to hear it. The Ghoul could hear her heart beating. Her hand loosened its grip on his chin and moved to rest on his shoulder.

“Almost got it, there is a little more, just hold on.” She whispered skillfully, grabbing another swab and inserting it carefully, he felt it brush inside his nose. Making him feel like he might sneeze for the first time since losing his nose. She pulled it out and flicked off the goop into the bush. She turned back and looked at him. 

He couldn’t help looking up at her, her features were so soft and delicate. His hands found their way to her hips, when was the last time he had looked at someone? Someone that he wasn’t trying to use, or kill. Her eyes roved over his, he kept waiting to see disgust or disinterest, instead her eyes just held his. A small smile played over her lips, as she glanced down at his lips. Leaning in to kiss him. 

His heart rate shot up as he felt her push her lips against his, mouth opening to lick across them. His hands gripped onto her hips as her hands gripped against his shoulders. Mind going bank as he pushed her off of him. He stood up, this was not happening, walking away from her.

“Wait. Stop” Jade shouted after him, but he kept moving forward away from her.

His mind was ablaze, he hadn’t kissed someone in years. A flash of a memory, the bombs dropping, holding Janey on Sugarfoot as they rode away. Her face as she screamed in the arms of soldiers dragged her away. Look on his wife’s smug face as they drove away. The moment he shot Sugarfoot because the animal was starving. His skin blistered in the neverending sun, and watching as his body changed, every time he got a cut or nick it would gnarl and twist. The look on a soldier's face when he came looking for help. The first taste of radaway, med-x, rad-x, and a laundry list of other drugs. The first time he had to kill someone just to eat. The first time he saw himself in a mirror, his nose sloughing off, skin a dirty meaty red. Begging for help and being shunned away. Called a monster, a creature, a zombie, a killer, a murderer. A Ghoul. He was a Ghoul. The word echoed around in his head like a bell chime.

His lungs were screaming and he dug around his duster pockets pulling out the inhaler. He pushed it into his mouth taking a shot back. His eyes rolled into his head as his brain went foggy before he collapsed onto the ground. His hands dug into the soil, the feel of soil under his fingertips. The sound of birds moving in the trees, bugs buzzing. He focuses on that, on the numbing sensation spreading from his lungs out. Coughing and spurting he pushed himself onto his feet, leaning heavily on a tree, mind finally quiet. He took two more puffs before the numbest finally stamped out the fire of the memories. 

***

Jade watched him stumble away, her ass in the dirt baffled at what had just transpired. It was just a kiss, and here he was acting like she had asked him to fuck her. She spat some bug guts that had fallen from her hair, out of her mouth. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, before pushing herself up and off the ground. They had spent over a week living out of each other's pockets, it wasn’t like he was a bad-looking man. He was better looking than ninety percent of the men around this hellhole. Just cause he was a Ghoul didn’t mean she wasn’t attracted to him. She sighed going over to his bags to find a needle and thread, she’d needed to at least try and stitch herself up. The one on her left wouldn’t be too bad, but the cut that went across her back would have to wait. 

She grumbled biting into a piece of stick as she sewed it up, her teeth clenching as the needle pulled in and out of her skin. Done, she grabbed a stimpak and jabbed it in with a small sigh as it numbed the pain. If the Ghoul ever came back she’d ask him to look at the other wounds. She cleaned the needle and tucked it back into his bag. 

Her mind wandered over the day, the week. The unavoidable haze that was before that. Stomach knotting as she looked around the empty forest. It was mostly blank, she remembered some stuff and saw some of the marks on her. Luckily the stimpaks and whatever else they fed her had kept her body mostly intact. Even the places below the belt, how that whole area was okay was beyond her. The memory of the first time she had let herself feel down there flooded in.

One night while they were looking for the roaches, she disappeared to go pee. Had taken a moment to actually feel around there, something she had been terrified to do since she had left the outpost. Expecting to find scaring, tears, and more damage, but there wasn’t much. There were dozens of scars on her thighs, ass cheeks, two scars that had actually slit down each side of her cheek. Even so, maybe one day she’d be able to enjoy that part of herself again. One day, but that wasn’t something she’d really been concerned about till tonight. 

Letting out a sigh she rubbed at the back of her neck where that tingling feeling still lay. That tingling feeling had spread and overwhelmed her when she had shot the Raider kid. It was always there, trauma, suppressed memories, things trying to crawl towards the surface. 

“No, Nope, we aren’t doing that Jade,” She said out loud to the forest, “We are here right now. We are okay. We are okay. Just killed a bunch of radroaches, and got enough caps to get a bed for the night. Ghoul will come back, no way he’d leave his bag here. The bag means more to him than anything. Also the hat, the bastard would melt without his hat.”

Jade takes a few deep breaths, bringing up good memories. Looking after the calves on the farm, bartending at the Lazy Susan, the way the forest sounded, killing radroaches. She imprints those memories at the forefront. Focusing her mind to push everything back into the hole it had popped itself out of. 

“Anything else doesn’t matter, we just keep going. We got this.” Jade says finally, shaking her arms and hands. Letting the feelings flow out of her like dust behind her. 

The sun had started to set, as much as she wanted to light a fire it would be too dangerous alone. Grabbing her jacket she slipped it on, the cut on her back stung, she’d have to deal with that later. Instead, she gathered up their things and moved herself more central to the clearing. She also took a moment to cut down the head of the Queen. Grabbing some rope and tying it to the bag for easy pickup. 

Briefly wondered if she should try to climb a tree to camp out overnight. Most of the trees around her were too small or didn’t have low enough branches to climb. The center of the clearing would be safest, and hopefully. the Ghoul would be back soon. Asshole anyway, Jade felt resentment at the fact she had let herself rely on him. Even with his gruff lone wolf bullshit attitude, something under that hard shell had made her feel safe.

As if he had heard her, the man sauntered through the forest, his marred features evident in the rising moon. He walked right up to her without a word snatching his hat off the bags and tipping it back onto his smooth head. He didn’t say a word, as he re-gloved his fingers and shouldered the bag. Before starting to walk off in the direction of the farm.

Jade huffed but packed up, and followed after him. Muttering to herself about him being a giant dickhead, she struggled to keep up with his pace. Her body ached from the various wounds that rub as she moved.

part four

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*more to come, this is fully plotted just a lot of editing and additions..

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[looooooooomis]

FINAL GIRL | FIVE

You were his final girl.  And there was no chance in hell that anyone or anything was going to mess that up.

p a r t   five  |  t h e  c a b i n (part I)

masterlist here

pairing: Billy Loomis x f!reader word count:  5.6k (I’M SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY) warnings: s m u t (18 +!!!!!)

A/N: after 8 months of MIA, SHE’S BACK BABY!!! this is part 1 of 2 of our fav couple being at the cabin x next chapter will have soft moments I promise lmao 

You should have been paying more attention.

If you’d been paying more attention, you wouldn’t have had five sets of eyes currently watching your every move, waiting for an answer you didn’t have. Why had you thought it was a good idea to stay up as late as you had packing your overnight bag for the cabin? If you had gone to bed at a reasonable hour, you wouldn’t have been as braindead as you currently were and, if you hadn’t been braindead, you wouldn’t have wound up in whatever ring of hell you were currently stuck in as your friends stared at you as though you’d grown a second head.

You pleaded with your tongue to say anything, pleaded for your brain to register a decent enough lie to make this uncomfortable silence end but nothing came out of your mouth. Only a pathetic hum and a gusto of forced laughter.

You wanted to die.

It should have been an easy enough answer to what was an even easier question. One that you’d practiced answering for the last two days and yet, as the moment for the lie came and went, you were left scrambling like a fucking moron.

You didn’t dare look at Billy as Sid curled into his side knowing if you managed to catch his coffee-coloured stare, you’d only be met with something between terror and amusement as you royally shit the bed. So, instead, you did the next best thing. You replayed the question over and over again in your head until you were driven mad.

‘Are you up for a movie this weekend?’

It was a simple enough question, one you’d managed to decline easily enough but, as Tatum frowned and asked the one question you were expecting to hear, your mind went blank.

‘Why? What are you doing?’

The answer you were supposed to say: I have to babysit my cousin in Santa Rosa all weekend. The answer they got? Silence. Pure, awkward as fuck, silence.

“Earth to Y/N,” Tatum laughed, brows furrowing. “Are you alive?”

“Sorry,” you huffed out a quiet laugh and shook your head, “I barely slept last night, I’m braindead.”

While it wasn’t a lie, you were still on edge. You’d think after months of sneaking around with the asshole sitting in front of you that you would have chilled out a little more but not today. Maybe it was the nerves of a full weekend away with Billy Loomis as his girlfriend hosted a fucking movie night sans her boyfriend and best friend – but something was making you stumble over what should have been second nature to you.

“You feeling okay?” Sid, the angel she was, asked with a small frown. Your stomach twisted in the familiar way it always did when your sweet friend showed concern. Concern which you most definitely didn’t deserve. “You seem…off.”

It would have been so easy to confess your dark little twisted affair with Billy right then and there. To just open your mouth and let the truth of everything you’d been doing behind her back play out. But you knew it would break her heart and, more than that, you were a fucking coward.

“I’m fine, Sid,” you smacked on a small smile and leaned into your locker. You had one more class until you were home free. Free of your friends’ inquiring eyes, free of Biology, free of Woodsboro. If you managed to get through this incredibly uncomfortable moment. “And I would if I could, trust me. I have to babysit my little cousin in Santa Rosa.” You feigned disappointment with a small frown. You could see Stu’s lips tug up in mild amusement out of the corner of your eye. “She’s nine, so if I don’t come back on Monday, know that she annoyed me to death.”

Randy scoffed and casually threw his arm around your neck. “Every day I’m thankful I don’t have any snot-nosed kids in my family. Losing my weekend to babysit? I’d rather rot.”

Despite your guilt, you managed a small smile as you looked across at him. “I think the kid would rather you rot, too. You’d be a terrible babysitter.”

“She’s right,” Tatum smirked, “you’d show the kid one of your weirdo movies where a girl with big tits is running helplessly away from her killer. It’d scar the kid for life.”

“Or,” Randy mused, “prepare them for the real world. Put some hair on their chest and all that shit.”

“Furthering my point, Meeks, you’d be a shit babysitter.” You laughed. “But, yeah, I’ll be suffering at the hands of a nine-year-old, so you guys have fun without me.”

“How about you, lover boy?” Tatum asked, looking across at Billy. “Will you be joining us this weekend?”

You should have averted your eyes. Should have done anything besides wait, with bated breath, to see what Billy would say. Slowly, those brown eyes tapered over towards you just briefly before looking at Tatum. With a casual shrug of his shoulders, Billy shook his head and leaned into Sid. “Can’t,” he merely said, “I’m going up north with my dad. He wants to get some of his affairs in order or something, I don’t know.” He ran a hand through his hair. “All I know is I was promised free beer if I helped him. So, I’m helping him.”

If Sid caught onto his lie, her face didn’t betray her once. And, as she looked up at her boyfriend with doting eyes, you couldn’t help but feel that pang of shame slice into your gut once again. She believed him. She always believed him. Believed you. Regardless of how good it felt to have Billy, that shame of knowing just who it was unwittingly hurting in the process never dissipated.

“You sure you guys won’t need help?” Sid asked, further digging that knife of shame into your chest. “Besides this movie, I’ve got nothing else going on this weekend.”

“Real nice,” Randy teased. “She’d rather watch Billy’s dad punch away at a fucking calculator then sit down with her nearest and dearest.”

Billy ignored Randy entirely as he glanced down at the brunette. “I’m sure,” he affirmed, giving her a quick squeeze. “Enjoy the movie night. I’ll be there for the next one.”

He lied so effortlessly, so casually, that it should have unnerved you. But it didn’t. Because for as good of a liar Billy Loomis was, you were right here with him. This dangerous little game the two of you were playing was becoming second nature to you and for as much as it pained you to see Sidney get lied to, you couldn’t help yourself.

You loved Billy. Billy loved you. Right person, wrong time. Only rather than wait like you knew you should have, Billy’s glow was much too enthralling to miss. You were both moths to each other’s’ flames and no amount of guilt or shame was strong enough to outweigh the otherworldly affliction the two of you had for one another.

The bell signifying your final class rung out, snapping you out of your brief reverie as you blinked and focused on pushing Randy off of you. “Want to drive me to the bus station?” You asked him. “I don’t want to drive all the way to Santa Rosa, so I bought a bus ticket.”

“Tonight?” Randy considered it briefly before shrugging. “Sure, I guess. I’ve got a shift tonight at seven, though. When’s your bus leave?”

“Six thirty,” you lied, mainly doing this so that should anyone drive by your house this weekend and see your car still neatly parked in your driveway, they wouldn’t bat an eye. “I owe you.”

“Yeah, you do,” Randy agreed. “And, lucky for you, I accept a lot of different payment options.” He wriggled his brows, earning a playful smack from you and an annoyed glare from Billy. Thankfully, Randy didn’t catch onto the latter. “Pick you up at six?”

You nodded. “Perfect.”

With your eyes flickering to Billy’s once more, you managed to shoot everyone a quick smile before disappearing down the hall towards Biology. Just how you’d managed to dance your way out of what could have been an incredibly awkward moment, you didn’t know. But as you felt that weighty stare of Billy’s on your back as you walked away, there was an air of excitement that swallowed you whole.

No matter how much guilt you felt, no matter how sick it made you to see Sidney get hurt, even if she didn’t quite know about just yet, there was a much larger part of you that couldn’t wait to get Billy alone.

Because for the first time in the seven months since you’d started this torrid little affair, you were finally getting Billy all to yourself. No prying eyes, no secret kisses, no having to hide every part of your relationship with the man. None of that.

This weekend, it was you and it was Billy.

And you couldn’t fucking wait.

»»-------------¤-------------««

Randy, being the superstar he was, had dropped you off at the station a little after six-fifteen and by six-thirty-two, just around the time the actual bus was leaving for Santa Rosa, you were scrambling into Billy’s car with a wild grin on your face.

Just how the pair of you had managed to pull it off, especially given your brain lapse earlier in the day, was beyond you. But, as Billy tore off down the main street leading to the freeway, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of freedom engulf you the farther and farther you got from town.

It was exhilarating.

And, as you glanced at Billy, who couldn’t have looked more like a movie star with his dark locks blowing with the wind cascading in through his open window, you couldn’t help but reach across the divide to gently squeeze his jean-clad thigh.

“Thank you,” you found yourself muttering and as those brown eyes met yours, you couldn’t help but grin. “For your stupid key proposal. In hindsight, it was very sweet.”

The dimple in Billy’s cheek deepened as his own grin grew. “Glad you let me steal you away?”

You loosened your seatbelt momentarily and leaned across to give him a kiss on the cheek. “Very glad.” You made a move to pull away but stopped when he gently grabbed your chin with the hand not holding the wheel. “What—”

The kiss, while dangerously stupid, was short and sweet but the emotion behind it, the genuine happiness that exuded out of Billy in those few seconds was palpable. “I really do fucking love you, you know that?”

“You’ve mentioned it,” you hummed and slinked back into your seat. When his large hand found your thigh, he gave it a firm squeeze that sent shockwaves throughout your whole body.

“Not going to say it back?” He teased, giving you a sidelong glance as he drew nearer to the freeway.

“I’d rather show it.” Rather than put your seatbelt back on, you shimmed in your seat and leaned into him as your fingers scraped along his thighs towards the button of his jeans. “Eyes on the road, Loomis.”

Easier said than done, Billy thought, torn between watching the road and watching you unzip his jeans. Raising his ass out of the seat just long enough to allow you to tug his pants down his thighs, the second Billy saw yours eyes light up as his now somewhat erect cock sprung free of his jeans, keeping his eyes on the road seemed impossible. But, the second he saw that pretty mouth of yours perk up in anticipation, it was game over. “Are you trying to get us killed?”

A low chuckle escaped your lips as you began to pump his length with your hand. “Focus on the road, Billy.”

“You say that like it’s easy.” Not being able to keep his hands off of you, he reached for your nipple and gave it a pinch through your shirt. “Take your shirt off, baby.”

“Shut up and drive.” You chided him, shimming in your seat so that you were on your knees leaning over the console. His cock was rock hard now and, as you ran your tongue alongside his length, from the base of it all the way up to coax your tongue along the precum that had gathered along his head, you felt him shiver beneath you.

“Fuck,” he hissed, tangling his fingers through your hair. You were too fucking good with that mouth of yours.

Still pumping the base of his cock with one hand, you swirled your tongue along the tip of his dick again before taking that perfectly girthy cock in your mouth. His grip tightened on your hair and your eyes watered as he pushed your head down to fully take the length of him inside of your mouth. He heard you gag on him but even as his grip eased up, you continued your pursuit of deepthroating him.

His breathing was shallow as he felt your hot mouth all over him. Between the sounds of your wet mouth taking him in and the occasional gag as you choked on his length, Billy was in heaven.

But having you this close as you fucked him with your mouth whilst still fully clothed was killing him. He needed to feel you. He wanted to feel your juices on his fingers and running down those perfect fucking thighs as he fingerfucked you. He wanted to hear you moan, feel you moan on his cock as he made you feel as good as you were making him feel.

He wanted all of you, needed all of you.  

Trying his damnedest not to shut his eyes as your mouth brought him closer to the edge, he reached beneath you to work on your own zipper but when that proved to be impossible, a frustrated growl tore out of his lips. “Undo your pants.” He hissed through bared teeth.

You hummed against his dick which nearly sent him into the other land of traffic. “No,” you purred, “I want to make you feel good.”

With one hand on the wheel and the other now gliding up and down your back as you fucked him with your mouth, Billy couldn’t help but buck into your mouth as you began to massage his balls. He was going to bust and soon if he wasn’t careful.

You were too fucking good and he was too fucking in love with you not to get lost in the way you made him feel.

“Touch yourself, at least,” he breathed out, desperate to see that pretty cunt. “Please, baby.”

Not granting him the satisfaction, you simply dug your nails into his thighs and moaned onto his cock and the sensation of it alone was almost enough to make him come down your throat. It seemed to slither around his cock, making him twitch and buck into your mouth.

But it was the second you moaned out his name as you swirled your wet mouth along the head of his dick one final time, swallowing back his precum with a contented hum, that Billy blew his loud inside of your mouth.

For a good five seconds, he didn’t care if he crashed the goddamn car as he watched you swallow his seed. He was bucking into your mouth, his breathing was ragged, as you guzzled him back and, as you finally released his cock with a pop, Billy almost lost it.

With a devilish grin, you simply wiped a finger along the edge of your lips and leaned back into your seat with a satisfied glimmer in your eyes. You knew you’d be in for it once he got his hands on you at the cabin, but for now, as you watched him lamely try and pull his jeans up his body to cover his slowly softening cock, you couldn’t help but laugh.

“What’s the matter, Billy?” You teased, fastening your seatbelt back up. “You look a little rattled.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he simpered, not bothering with the zipper or button of his jeans. Instead, he reached across the divide and grabbed for your hand as he ghosted his lips across your knuckles. “Just wait until we get to the cabin.”

With your suspicions confirmed, you couldn’t help but beam across at him as you drove further and further away from Woodsboro. That was definitely a threat and good god were you excited for its execution.

»»-------------¤-------------««

By the time you’d pulled into the Loomis family cabin, it was pitch black outside.

The moon was too high in the sky and only a sliver of its light poked through the tall pine trees that surrounded the small house but, even with the low light surrounding you, the shadows that danced along the lake was enough to bring out a small smile as you quietly made your way out of the car. You didn’t need full sun to see the beauty surrounding you and the smell of the fresh air mixed with the spice of pine made any ounce of nerves filter out of you.

You were happy.

Unreservedly so.

Glancing across the roof towards Billy, he seemed almost distracted as he looked around at the familiar surroundings. You couldn’t quite tell if he was feeling as happy as you were in those brief moments, but you couldn’t quite blame him for that. The cabin held a lot of memories within it, many of which you knew included his mother. Where you felt freed and excited, you could tell the weight of his current whereabouts was heavy on his shoulders.

“Hey,” you muttered, slicing into the quietude around you. Walking around the front of the car, those brown eyes found yours as you circled your arms around his middle. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” he assured, but his voice was low and distant. All the same, however, his strong arms enveloped you as he kissed your hairline. “Lost in a memory, I guess.”

You nodded into the crook of his neck but said nothing. He needed time to decompress, to familiarize himself with a house he hadn’t been in since his mother left. So, you’d give him that time.

For what must have been minutes, the two of you simply stood at the helm of porch holding onto one another. It wasn’t until Billy placed another quick kiss to your forehead that you felt his arms slowly fall only to grasp your hand in his own. “Come on,” he hummed. His grip on your hand was firm as he walked up the steps leading to the wrap around porch and as he stuck the key inside of the lock and opened the front door, the smell of cedar surrounded you.

The cabin was gorgeous. Wooden slats covered every square inch of the small house and a small fireplace sat at the front of the house with a worn-in couch and chair facing it. It was obvious nobody had come to visit for quite some time judging by the dust lining most of the countertops and shelving units, but you didn’t care.

To you, it was perfect.

Your own little oasis with the boy you loved without any sort of outside interruption.

You released his hand to take a brief look around the small living space but you could feel his eyes on you with every step you took. You knew he was looking to get even with you after your little stunt in the car, but you also knew that he hadn’t quite been expecting the swell of emotions to hit him upon driving up to the cabin. So, you continued to wander around the cabin to both grant him the space he may or may not have needed and, simply, to snoop around.

There were family pictures lining the tables and one in particular made you smile as you caught sight of a young Billy swinging from a tire swing. With a quiet laugh, you picked the frame up and surveyed it with a fond smile on your lips. “Cute,” you remarked, looking across to catch his stare. “A little model, eh?”

Billy watched you carefully place the frame down on the table before continuing on with your self-guided tour. No matter how hard he tried, regardless of the bittersweet memories swirling around inside of his brain, he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. Not that he ever really could, but there was an ease rolling off of you tonight, coming off of you in waves, that drew him in.

“I’ve been thinking about this all week, you know that?” He remarked, leaning against the back of the couch as he watched you pick up another picture frame. “Just me and you. Out here alone in the woods for an entire weekend.”

“Sounds like a scary movie when you put it that way,” you goaded with a wink. “Or a really niche porno.”

“Why not a bit of both?” His molasses coloured eyes glimmered mischievously as you walked up to him and stepped between his legs. The second you were close, he pulled you flush against his chest and kissed the tip of your nose as he pushed your hair back and away from your face. “Both could be fun.”

You grinned. “I’m down for anything,” you shrugged. “So long as you promise to take me on an actual date tomorrow. We’re not just fucking like bunnies inside of the cabin all weekend.”

“Heaven forbid,” he leaned in and gave you a slow, torturous kiss.

“I’m serious, Billy,” you moaned.

Pulling away from your mouth, Billy nudged his nose against yours and nodded. “The entire population in Bumfuck, California will know you’re my girl by the end of the weekend,” he avowed, skimming his hands down to your ass to give it a firm squeeze. “I promise.”

“Oh, yeah?” You hummed, kissing him again.

His calloused hands slipped beneath your shirt and scraped up your side. “Yeah.” Digging his hips into yours, he gave you one last kiss before nodding towards the bedroom. “Take your clothes off.”

You giggled as he slapped your ass to steer you down the narrow hallway. “And if I don’t?”

“I’ll rip them off of you,” he simply said, “so either they remain in one piece or I ruin your outfit.”

You glanced down at your jeans and tank before frowning. You looked cute tonight and you’d be damned if the bastard ripped them. So, being the good girl you were, you held his stare and slowly slinked out of your clothes. His eyes seemed so much darker as he watched you strip and the small smirk he wore slowly fell into a hungry thin line as you then perched yourself on the edge of the bed, completely nude.

“You just going to stand there looking pretty or are you going to do something about this?” You slipped your fingers between your thighs and ran your fingers along your swollen clit. A low moan slipped out of your lips at the sensation. “I’m already so wet for you, Billy.”

Slowly, Billy stepped towards you and undid his belt. Leaning down, he kissed you, hard, and steered you backwards on the bed beneath you until your head reached the soft pillows. You could feel his cock straining against his jeans but rather than grant himself any sort of reprieve, you watched him gently grasp your hands and raise them above your head only to wrap his belt around your wrists.

In the blink of an eye, you were tied to the bedposts.

“Is this payback for the car blowie?” You laughed, looking up at your restrained wrists. “If it is, I can’t say I’m mad about it.”

“You wanted something between a horror movie and a niche porno, remember?” He hummed against your skin, placing sloppy kisses along the vein that ran along your neck as he pinched your nipple. “God, you’re fucking perfect. You know that?”

He bit down on your collarbone, kissing his way down your chest until his warm mouth wrapped around your nipple. You could feel his teeth slither along your breast as his tongue lapped expertly on the sensitive bud. You hissed, arching into his mouth as your wrists, on instinct, fought for freedom. “Hardly.”

His eyes met yours as he slowly released your nipple. You were in nothing, of course, but he was still fully clothed, and you hated him for it. You hungrily eyed the bulge in his jeans as he propped himself up on his arm, letting his other hand glide up your chest and neck until it cupped your cheek. His nose brushed against yours, nudging it up to allow his lips to hover just over yours. Close enough that you could almost taste them, but much too far away to satisfy the hunger you had for the man.

“I love you,” he whispered, thumb stroking the apple of your cheek as his warm, brown eyes swallowed you up. “You know that, right?”

“Yes,” you swallowed hard and tilted your head up just enough to finally catch his lips. But, just as quickly as it happened, the man pulled away and let his hand begin to roam down your body. His mouth was at your ear now, nibbling at your earlobe as his hot breath slithered against your neck. You shivered. “I love you, too.”

His voice was gruff in your ear. “I’d kill for you,” his hand continued its journey down your throat, brushing past your nipple, down the length of your stomach until reaching the small smattering of hair along your mound. He was careful to keep his hands from dipping any lower, tormenting you as best to his ability, which just about killed you, if you were being honest. “You know that?”

Bucking your hips up, you nearly growled at the lack of attention you were receiving. You were soaked and touch-starved for him. His fingers, his mouth, the erection currently poking into your thigh, anything. “I wouldn’t ask you to do that,” you managed a quiet laugh. “But I appreciate it.”

His teeth bit down on your neck again. “But, I would. I’d do anything for you, sweetheart.”

His hand slipped further down to your sopping cunt and as he slowly slipped his fingers through your wet folds, the moan he got in return nearly killed him. “Billy,” you whispered desperately. It felt as though you were going to die if you didn’t feel him inside of you. “Please.”

His lips hovered over yours and on instinct, you caught his bottom lip between your teeth and bucked your hips against his hand. He snarled as you bit down on his lip but as the metallic taste of blood met his tongue, it was as though Billy was transcending. His pace on your clit quickened but it was still too slow for you and he knew it. He was torturing you, killing you, and he was enjoying every second of it. Struggling against the belt, your struggle was all for naught as it didn’t so much as move an inch.

“You’d love me, no matter what, right?” He asked, slipping one of his fingers inside of you as he kissed his way down to your chest. Lapping at your nipple, Billy was gentle at first before biting down hard enough to draw blood. Tit for Tat.

“Yes,” you moaned. Your entire body was on fire as his fingers brought you closer to the edge. “But I’d love you even more if you fucked me. You’re killing me, Loomis.”

Licking up the small trail of blood off of your tits, Billy hummed against your nipple and added another finger inside of your pussy. He’d fuck you soon but right now, he needed to feel your entire body light up the way it always had when he drove you into that fit of madness. You were a woman unhinged in the bedroom, he knew as much, and he knew exactly how to get that animal inside of you out.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he admired, reaching his hand up to coat your tit in your own slick. When it was sufficiently wet, he licked your juices off of your breast and growled. God, you tasted so fucking good. “You’re my girl, Y/N, you’re always going to be my girl, right?”

You looked up at him as those words fell from his lips. His brown hair hung down his forehead, his neck red from the strain of having to watch you writhe beneath him without doing a damned thing about it. But what struck you was the look of vulnerability in those brown eyes. That longing, far-away look as his eyes searched yours.

He wanted nothing more than to hear you say that you wanted him. Needed him. Just as much as he needed you.

“Always,” the answer tumbled out of your lips before you so much as thought twice. “I’m your girl, Billy.”

His mouth caught yours in a bruising kiss. Finally, his pace quickened inside of you as met your throbbing core with his dept fingers. With his thumb circling your clit, he dipped two fingers inside of you and grinned against your mouth as you let out a low, desperate moan.

It happened so fast after that. One moment, you were the one tied up on the bed and the next, he’d released you, stripped himself naked, and managed to flip you over so that you were the one on top of him, straddling his waist. Pulling away from you mouth, Billy’s eyes darkened as he saw that familiar glimmer in your eyes. That animalistic side of you was out in full force now.

“Get up here.” He demanded.

You smirked and leaned across him so that your lips hovered over his. “Why would I want to do that?”

He leaned up, the veins in his neck swelled against his neck as he caught your bottom lip between his teeth. “Get. Up. Here.”

Releasing your lip, Billy watched you smirk and crawl up the remainder of his body until your pussy was less than an inch away from his mouth. Grabbing onto the metal of the headboard you’d just been tied up to, you gasped as Billy’s tongue slid into your folds. Finding your clit instantly, you moaned and allowed your eyes to fall shut as you reached down to play with your hardened nipples.

Fuck, what Billy could do with his mouth should have been illegal.

He sucked and lapped at your clit as you rocked back and forth against his mouth. His fingers dug into your hips, so much so that you knew there would be bruises in the morning but, blinded by the pleasure between your thighs, you couldn’t care less.  

The moans that were coming out of you were raw and guttural and, as you played with your own tits, envisioning his hands being the ones to squeeze and nip on the swollen buds of your nipples, you saw stars.

“Fuck,” you moaned out, “Billy, baby, fuck.”

He pulled your hips further down so that you were sitting on his face. Not just hovering but sitting on that perfect mouth of his as he held you in place. You knew it must have been hard for him to breathe but he was adamant and as his tongue continued its assault on your throbbing cunt, you came devastatingly hard and incredibly loud.

Stars danced behind your eyes as you continued to ride out your orgasm. When you couldn’t take another second of Billy’s skilled tongue, you climbed off of him only to feel his large hands take hold of your hips again.

Swinging you around so that you were on your back and he was the one hovering over you, Billy wasted no time in slipping his rock-hard erection into your soaking pussy.

He was thrusting hard and the sounds of your juices squelching with every thrust of his cock would have been off-putting if it hadn’t been for the raw, primal need coursing off of the pair of you in waves. He was kissing your lips and biting them and suckling your neck as he continued to rail into you with all of passion in the world. You weren’t sure you’d ever seen him this riled up and you had to admit it was inherently sexy seeing him so affected by you.

Not surprising in the least, it didn’t take him long to come. You’d riled him up to the point of no return in the car and, as you felt him come inside of you, you all but laughed when he dramatically crashed on the bed beside you.

Sweat glistened over every inch of body and the sheen of your juices was still on his lips as he kissed you. This kiss was slow, methodical. Sweet. And you felt yourself fall even harder for the man as he broke the kiss and gently brushed your hair away from your now damp forehead.

Wrapping one arm around your chest, Billy held you against him as he propped himself against the headboard. You were both naked and sweating and while a shower was something you both definitely needed, neither of you found yourselves all too willing to move out of the other’s embrace.

“Is it hard being back here?” You asked, listening to his heart beating in his chest.

“For a second, maybe,” he admitted, soothing your hair down. “Not now.”

“What’s changed?” You asked with a small smile. “The sex was that good, huh?”

A quiet chuckle shook his chest as he kissed the top of your head. “I think horror meets niche porn is my new favourite genre.”

Kissing his naked chest, you grinned into his body. “Same.”

[scarlvtbitch]

Angry

summary: reader gets turned on when bucky gets aggressive with zemo 

warning: shower sex 

gif credit: @august-walker

MASTERLIST

“I prefer to keep my leverage.” As soon as you saw Bucky getting up from his spot in the couch next to you, you knew what was coming. He calmly walked over to Zemo until he reached him, grabbing the glass from his hands and throwing it across the room, in a very agitated matter. The action made Zemo flinch.

“You wanna see what someone can do with leverage.” You shifted in your seat as your core searched for the tiniest amount of friction. The way he acted and talked has never turned you on more. But you couldn’t let your need for him get the best of the situation.

“Okay.” You got up and stepped in between the two men, putting a hand against Bucky’s broad chest. “That’s enough, Buck. You can’t hurt him...at least not yet.” You winked at him and when he looked down at you, his gaze went from a deathly stare to a gaze of admiration, adoration. You knew he was still enraged, but you were right. He had to keep it together. He stepped away and murmured something about showering.

Few minutes passed before you snuck away from the living room. Sam searching what the latest news was on his phone and Zemo was preparing himself another tea. The perfect opportunity for you to get a quiet moment with your boyfriend.

You walked down the hall and found the bathroom. You assumed it was because you could hear the shower running. You didn’t even bother knocking. You had to bite your lip to keep yourself from gasping loudly at the scene before you. The shower was surrounded by glass. Enabling you to see everything. Bucky’s back was turned towards you. He was currently standing with his hands pressed against the tiles, as the water ran down his body. His perfect muscles rippled and flexed in all their glory, from his broad shoulders to his thick thighs. You gulped as you shed your clothes from your body. 

He hadn’t heard you come in yet because he was currently with his back facing you still. You slid inside the shower and carefully closed the glass door. You didn’t waste any time and slid your hands around him, your hands meeting his tight abdomen. You heard him give a small gasp. You pressed your body against his as you lightly caressed his chest and then his abdomen, you kept the same rhythm until he relaxed against your touch. You pressed your cheek against his shoulder before you started kissing the freckles there. He then turned his body so he was now facing you. 

You couldn’t help but instantly gaze down at him. Your mouth watered at the sight. He was always mesmerized by your beauty and body, today was no different. His arms went around your waist and pulled you to him. He roughly placed his lips upon yours and groaned at the taste of your lips. He could make out the taste of your strawberry chapstick. His lips then found your neck and started nipping and licking until you were begging under him.

“I need you, Buck, please.” You managed to grit out. His fingers drifted down until he reached his destination. He gasped when he saw how wet you were for him, and it wasn’t because of the water currently running on you.

“For how long have you been this soaked, doll?” He said as he rubbed your clit just the way you liked. Then he slipped his fingers inside very easily, his vibranium arm holding you steady, because god knows you could easily fall if he didn’t have a far grip on you. That’s how weak he made you.

“Ever...ever since you threatened...” You let out a moan when he started curling his fingers against your walls. “You-you threatened Zemo.” You rushed the words out, your brain lost in deep pleasure. 

“You like seeing me like that?” You nodded as you screwed your eyes shut when you could feel your release tingling at the base of your spine. “Bad girl, Y/N.” He tsked at you and then retreated his skillful fingers from your pussy. His next action was what truly had you melting down in seconds.

He brought up his fingers to his lips slowly and started sucking them in a very seductive matter. He closed his eyes and moaned at the taste of you.

“You taste like candy.” Now it was your time to moan at his comment. Before you could say anything he lifted you up against the wall and roughly pushed you against it. He slid home in an instant. He mercilessly pounded into you, he fucked you so hard that you were almost sure he had the ability to break the wall, leaving the view opened from the other room. 

Your moans started low but eventually they got higher and louder. He brought up his large hand to your lips in an effort to shush you

“Shh, doll. You gotta be quiet for me, can you do that?” You furiously nodded as you felt your stomach tighten in the familiar way it always did when you were on the brink of an orgasm. He glanced down at the place where you two were joined and groaned at the sight. His thick, long length fit perfectly in you. 

“I’m gonna cum, Buck.”

“Come for me, doll.” He reached down at rubbed tight circles on your clit. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you finally reached your peak. You contracted around his girth, tightening around him in the most delicious way. He was quickly right behind you. He gave one last thrust before his seed was pouring itself inside you. He buried his face in your neck and let out grunts mixed with a light moan. Your hand came down to his toned back, panting as you struggled to catch your breath. You unlocked your legs from his backside and he gently set you down. 

“Guess I should be angry more often, huh?” He teased.

“Oh, yeah. But not with me.” You teased but you knew he would never even think about doing something like that to you, he’d die before that happened.

“Never.” He kissed your temple before you exited the shower. The running water was long forgotten when Bucky had you perched up on the counter as he buried his face in your folds.

[jacobsnsfw]

thighs, sapnap

MINORS DONT U HAVE PAW PATROL TO WATCH? FUCK OUTTA HERE.

PAIRING cc!sapnap x afab!gn!thick thighed!reader

WARNINGS somnophillia, praising, vaginal penetration, slight degradation ( the word 'slut' a few times ), thigh fucking.

SONG REC pillowtalk, zayn

WORD COUNT 859

NOTES pls don't read if you're uncomfortable  with the topics above<3 he has a tongue piercing in this because i said so

wattpad ao3

     THE TWO OF YOU laid cuddled up against each other, you were in a peaceful dreamland while sapnap's hips rocked slightly in between your legs, silently trying to get himself off without waking you. it was around five forty-five in the morning, you had a scheduled stream at nine and you'd be getting up soon, but his hand just wasn't cutting it for some reason tonight. his mind wandered to the time you told him to in your own words "fuck me in my sleep", but he decided your plump thighs would be enough.

you stirred slightly and his hips came to a stop watching your face contort as you mumbled about something in your dream most likely. when your body stilled again and the babbling that escaped your parted lips ending, he continued thrusting his clothed erection against your bare thighs, sleeping in panties might not have been your first choice, but god was sap happy you chose them.

your thighs were pillow-like sapnap always found himself admiring them, when you walked they would jiggle. he didn't know why, but they just were so hot to him, he daydreamed about being in between them all the time. he knew if he told you how he felt you'd slap his chest with that smile that never failed to make his cheeks turn pink in a matter of seconds, the smile that was present whenever you would mention something lewd, you'd shoot at him, or when you called him 'daddy' jokingly and he looked at you shocked it was always there.

his head fell back and an unintentionally loud moan spilled from his lips that made him clamp a hand over his mouth in not only embarrassment but, in fear he'd woken you up. your eyes blinked a few times adjusting to the tiny bit of light that peeked through the blinds when your hips moved and your legs stretched out sapnap flitched. "you okay?", it was a simple question, sapnap had no clue how to answer, he hummed and pulled himself further from your touch, that made you frown in confusion, your bottom lip poking out in a pout as you shimmied your body closer to him.

something was pressed against your leg, you both knew exactly what it was too. "why's your dick out at.." you glanced at the small black alarm clock on your nightstand that displayed it was five fifty-seven am, "almost six am?" you weren't trying to make him uncomfortable, that was never the goal but what the actual fuck, was he really beating his meat right next to you, you've had sex (the best you ever had was with him) before many times, but the bathroom wasn't far at all or he could've just asked you would have gladly sucked him off.

he stuttered trying to think of an explanation, but his mouth was just spewing out words, "slow down" you spoke your hand coming up to cup his cheek with a knowing smile. sapnap sat up from how he was laying, leaning against the headboard, and pulled you into his lap, "you just looked so pretty before bed and i didn't want to wake you up, baby", his words were soft-spoken, his calloused hands came to your thighs palming the flesh.

your lips met his in a kiss, that you intended to be short and sweet but when you went to pull away his hand met the back of your head pulling you back into him.  his tongue danced around your bottom lip, asking for permission to shove the muscle in your throat. you obliged allowing him to explore your mouth, your teeth clanked together almost like he's in a rush. the cold metal of his tongue piercing brushed against the roof of your mouth.

sapnap smirked at the dazed look on your face, "you look so fucked out and i've barely touched you, baby" he pouted kissing your forehead. his hands sat on your hips and your thighs pushed together trying to gain any amount of friction you could, his shoulder muffled the disappointed whine that escaped your throat. your hand wrapped around the base of his cock, desperately trying to get him to fuck you, to ruin you until you were a babbling mess, you had no idea where this sudden burst of horniness came from, but sapnap was liking it, a hell of a lot.

the red lacy panties you had fallen asleep in were disregarded by sapnap, with a simple lift of your hips, they were on the bedroom floor soon to be joined by yours and sapnap's still worn garments. your lips met again in a kiss that was more heated than the last one. his head lolled back slightly when your fingers danced over the tip of his cock, and an almost inaudible 'fuck' passed his swollen lips. 

the thing is, he didn't want to come in your palm, definitely not, he wanted to fuck his cum deep into you so deep that you were able to feel it for hours or maybe so much as days, his hand came to stop your quickening actions with your hands, to lay you down onto the bed underneath him, and positioned himself between your thighs, his cock brushed into them smearing pre-cum onto the soft skin, making a shiver run up your spine and goosebumps arose onto your body.

he ran his fingers down your soaking slit, fishing for a reaction of any sort from you, when his fingers play and pinched your puffy clit, you practically keened and threw your head back into the pillows, "oh- sap-! please fuck me~" you ask and you shall receive i guess. in a quick motion, his cock was being pressed into your clit as he teased your wet cunt.

he stopped his movements, clearing his throat, and calling out to the alexa on your bedside table, "alexa," he paused thinking of an artist "shuffle songs by chase atlantic". the robot replied saying something about how she was shuffling the songs on his apple music. one of yours and his favorite songs played through the speakers at around level seven, 'slow down' to be exact.

his cock continued teasing you when the song lyrics started, running his hands along your thighs again, and squeezing them. his tip tapped against your pussy, pushing himself into you ever so slowly, your legs quivered from the stimulation of his skilled fingers and his dick pressed into you. your pelvises were both pressed together in no time, he had worked you through the stretch, despite having sex on numerous occasions, it still slightly hurt when he was fully settled inside.

when you glanced down at your lower stomach you could see how deep his cock was inside, he spoke up with immense amounts of pride in his tone, "can you feel me right here, baby? hm?" sapnap pushed his hand against your belly, watching your face contort in pain, pleasure, and how you were quick to try and push his hands away from the area. "my little cock slut, yeah." it wasn't a question, it was in fact a statement and true one at that.

"open", you did exactly that, and he pressed his thumb against your tongue, that you swirled around his finger treating it like how you'd treat his cock. his thrusts were slow and so fucking deep, you had barely been awake a few minutes ago, but here you are getting slowly railed to chase atlantic at six o' clock in the morning in your lover's best friend's house

you felt like you were floating on the euphoria of his hips meeting yours not too fast and not too slow. every little thing he had already done in the last few minutes or so, continued to play in your head like some broken cassette tape that was stuck on a loop, the thoughts of him playing with your pussy, him trying to fuck himself against your thighs, that and his continuous slow, antagonizing thrusts had you moaning embarrassingly loud and arching your back off the bed.

sapnap grabbed your hips and lifted them, a whole new chapter of feeling bursting throughout your entire body, just a few more thrusts into that exact spot deep within your velvety wall would have you spurting onto his cock in absolutely no time. "right there?" he asked, you couldn't get the words to leave your mouth, so instead you nodded squeezing his cock so tight that you could feel the veins and ridges on it.

he kept on brushing his cock against that spot waiting for- "cumming-! i'm coming " yep, those words, sapnap felt his release inching closer and closer, you could feel his cock twitch deep inside your walls, as he came inside, he barely moved for a few moments just groaning into your neck about how much of a good slut you were for him.

a pat on his shoulder made him sit up, and you attempted to walk to the bathroom, but as soon as you stood up your legs felt like they were going to collapse right under you. sapnap just laughed, kissed the side of your neck, pulled on a pair of boxers and old basketball shorts, and walked out the room to get you some water and a washcloth. you laid back down onto your side of the bed staring at the ceiling and thinking about you were going to cancel your stream today, maybe they'll believe the whole "i have laryngitis" thing.

[samuel-de-champagne-problems]

I’ll Take X-pecting for 200, Alex

Summary: Dr. Spencer Reid plays a trivia game at the request of his wife, Y/N, but he’s in for more than some heaving hitting questions. 

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Wife Reader 

Word Count: 1.5k 

Author’s Note: I really don’t think that this summary does this justice

I’ll Take X-pecting for 200, Alex 

Shuffling the cards with a shake in her hand, Y/N tells herself to just breathe. This is something that Spencer and her have been looking forward to, dreamed about, and constantly discussed. Regardless of how much she knows Spencer loves her, there’s a lingering seed of doubt that only grows with the sound of Spencer walking into their house. 

“Y/N!, I’m home, darlin’,” Spencer calls from the hallway, dropping the “g” because he knows that Y/N finds it endearing. 

“Baby,” Y/N yells from the table. “I’m in the dining room. I made us a trivia game! Come play with me, I need your brains,” she finishes, smiling at her husband, who has been away for nearly two weeks.

“You know do I love trivia, Y/N,” Spencer says. He takes a seat next to his wife, but before he can kiss her, she pushes him out of his chair and motions for him to take the seat opposite of her.

“Before we start, how was the case? Everyone make it home in one piece?” Y/N asks concerned over the wellbeing of some of her closest friends. 

“Everyone’s fine, Y/N. The unsub ended up being a team. Two women hellbent on getting revenge for their children’s murders. One of them got away,” Spencer explains, solemnly. 

“Oof,” Y/N says, letting out a sigh. “It’s at times like these that I’m glad I don’t have your job. I’m kinda glad she got away, between you and me.” 

“It’s hard, sometimes we don’t really know who we’re bringing justice too. But, I’d do anything to protect my future children, and you. Anything I needed to do to keep you safe,” Spencer tells her, leaning across the table and kissing Y/N’s hand. She gives him a sheepish smile, but inside her mind is eager to get this trivia game started. 

“You’re a charmer, Dr. Reid,” Y/N flirts. 

“Just for you, Y/N. Now you mentioned something about trivia,” Spencer says, clapping his hands together excitedly. 

“I just thought you’d like to rest your brain after a case but shifting though all those facts you got stored up there. And I always said you should try out for Jeopardy,” Y/N says as she collects the cards with the clues. 

She spreads out the categories, Child Psychology, Children’s Books, Labor & Delivery, Nursery Rhymes, X-Epecting, on the table. They were all handwritten on different colorful pieces of cardstock and decorated with baby animals and block letters. Y/N read the categories aloud to her husband, allowing herself to steal a glance at his face while he concentrated on the categories, as if he already could answer the questions. 

“All right, Spencer, you pick first,” Y/N says, in her best Alex Trebek impression. 

“I’ll take Child Psychology for $200,” Spencer chooses, looking up to smile at Y/N. 

“This is the substitute mother that baby monkeys formed an attachment to in Harlow’s psychological experiment,” Y/N asks.

“Terry-Cloth,” Spencer interjects. 

“Not uh, Spence, you need to answer correctly,” Y/N teases. She looks up at him expectantly to choose the next clue. He rolls his eyes at her, but secretly he enjoys the playful banter they still share even after all these years. 

“Um, Children’s Books $200,” 

“This is the story of the clever spider that can weave words in her web,” 

“What is Charlotte’s Web?” 

“Correct, pick again please,” Y/N says, as she tries to maintain a stoic composure. 

“This is the average of days that newborns keep up their sleepless parents,” Y/N asks, sure that this question would stump her genius husband. But to no avail, Spencer answers the question correctly. 

“Okay! Next time try-outs are around, I’m forcing you to take the test,” Y/N says running over to kiss Spencer on the cheek. 

“You know judges are supposed to remain impartial, Y/N” Spencer tells her, putting his arm around her waist as if he’s signally her to sit in his lap. 

���I can’t help it, how about you win kisses every time you get a question right, Spence,” Y/N proposes. 

“I guess it’s worth more than fake money,” Spencer teases.

“You offend me, baby!” Y/N pretends to be hurt by Spencer’s words, but urges him to continue the game. 

“You only got a couple more left, Spence,” 

“Okay, how about X-Expecting for $200,” Spencer chooses. 

“This chromosome is linked to the baby’s mother,” Y/N quizzes, finding it difficult to keep her smiles and secrets at bay when Spencer’s arm tugs around her waist tightly and his fingers draw patterns under her shirt. 

“What is X-Chromosome,” Spencer answers before Y/N can even finish the clue. 

“You know that you’re supposed to wait until the clue is read, Spence. I should redact kisses,” Y/N fake threats. 

“No! Y/N I’ll die without your kisses, please!” Spencer cries out in pretend disain. Much to his amusement his goofy behavior leads Y/N to plant small pecks on his forehead. 

“There, that should hold you over,” 

“I doubt it, Y/N. I miss you already,” Spencer mutters into her shoulder, as if he’s trying to get closer to his wife more than he could already be with her sitting on his lap. 

“Two more clues till Final Jeopardy,” Y/N announces, ignoring the fact that she’s bypassing the rest of the clues and totally disregarding Double Jeopardy. 

“Hmm, let’s go to Nursery Rhymes for kissing for the rest of my life,” Spencer picks, peppering Y/N’s shoulder with kisses. 

“Huh! Look at that, Spencer, you got the Daily Double, so whatcha going to wager?” Y/N asks, knowing she’s pulling this Daily Double straight out of the air, but Spencer’s affection for only one lifetime is not nearly enough for her. 

“I’ll make a true Daily Double, darling. That means double the amount of kisses,” Spencer tells her, ticking the sides of Y/N waist. 

“Here’s your clue, Jack is urged to be nimble & quick, helping him do this,” Y/N reads from the card. 

“What is to jump over the candlestick?” Spencer guesses, closing his eyes to be assaulted by Y/N’s eager lips. 

“Yay! Double kisses!” Y/N yells happily as she pecks Spencer’s eyelids and nose, causing him to laugh at her light affection. 

“Next question, it’s the last one so you don’t get a choice, but I have so much confidence in you, my genius husband. These are the names of the 3 stages of labor?” Y/N questions, looking over her shoulder to get a glimpse of Spencer’s mind at work. 

“What are dilation, expulsion, and afterbirth,” Spencer answers, once again perfectly. 

“Okay, Dr. Reid you’ve accumulated a total of double kisses for the rest of our lives. Your Final Jeopardy category is, Ready For It…” Y/N announces. 

“Last one,” Spencer says, and Y/N wonders if Spencer’s figured it out by now. She hands Spencer the small cardboard box. He looks at it curiously and Y/N can feel her heart in her stomach. He must know by now, she thinks. He’s brilliant, but sometimes he can be a little clueless when it comes to things like that. Y/N thinks back to how they danced around each other for years before Derek practically had to force them out on a date. He must know. 

“You’re clue is inside the box, Spence,” Y/N tells him, her voice shaky and unsure. 

Spencer carefully opens the cardboard box and reaches in to pull out the small pregnancy test that lay hidden inside. He looks it over, reading the test twice, three times, maybe even four times. He honestly can’t remember taking longer to read something. Spencer looks up at a terrified Y/N. 

“You’re pregnant? We’re going to have a baby?” Spencer asks, desperately wanting to believe what he holds in his hand. 

“You’re gonna be a daddy, Spence,” Y/N tells him, her smile struggling to conceal itself in between the bouts of happiness and joy that courses through her veins. 

“A baby! Oh Y/N. A baby!” Spencer shouts rushing over to where his wife stands in between the entrance from their kitchen to their dining room. 

“You’re happy, right Spence. You want this with me-” Y/N starts, a sudden rush of fear lodging itself in her heart. 

“Of course I’m happy, Y/N. I’m so happy to be a dad. You’re going to be a mom! You’ll be the best mom, Y/N. I love you, Y/N,” Spencer says, crouching down to rub his hands on Y/N’s belly. 

“Hi sweet baby,” Y/N says softly, looking down at her belly and covering her hand over Spencer’s. “I want you to meet your daddy. He’s going to take care of you so well, he might talk a lot but you get used to it” 

“Hey, baby. It’s your dad,” Spencer murmurs quietly into Y/N’s belly. “I’m so glad that mommy told me about you. You gotta do some growing in there before you can meet us, but we love you so much, baby,”

“I really love you so much Y/N,” Spencer says as he sits up to kiss his wife. 

All his life Spencer’s loved science. He loves discovering the undiscovered. Memorizing all those theories and facts and methods could never prepare him for the awe that sat before him. He realizes that he’s looked at science all wrong. There's a beauty in science- a natural, unadulterated beauty that’s so rare to find. But he’s found it and he’s never letting go.

Thank You for Reading!

Taglist: @calm-and-doctor​ 

If anyone wants to be tagged in new posts, feel free to comment and I’ll be thrilled to tag you <3

[ericspinkhair]

quarantine longings

pairing: best friend!kevin x fem!reader

word count: 3.2k

synopsis: you and your best friend have sex because quarantine made you horny

warnings: best friends to lovers, takes place during the pandemic, spoiler of 356 days (but not the end, just generally the plot), no use of condoms but only the pill, creampie, sexual fantasies, fingering, hand-job, sex, slight angst at the end if you squint

a/n: I would literally die for kevin, I love him so much. I'll be writing a multiple parts series about him after I'm done writing scenarios for every member first.

requests are open!

masterlist + requests

you slammed your foot hard against the wall and cursed in pain. you hopped on one foot to your bed, holding your other leg in agony and tasted blood as you bit your lip to keep the volume of your suffering groans in check. someone knocked on the door.

'are you okay?' your roommate asked concerned.

'no, leave me alone, kevin,' you croaked out. you wanted to suffer by yourself.

there was an awkward silence and then you heard him sigh. soon after, the door next to your room closed shut.

why were you so frustrated, one might ask? well, the pandemic was kicking your butt and you just couldn't take it anymore. when the news of the virus had first spread, no one thought it would become this serious. but suddenly everyone was walking around with masks and spent most of their time staying at home.

after graduating high school, you and kevin had decided to move in together for college because both of you were broke and couldn't afford to live alone. you had been best friends since middle school and had been convinced that it was a smart idea at the time.

and everything went smoothly for the first one and a half years. however, after not seeing anyone else since the start of the pandemic over a year ago, it became increasingly difficult to share an apartment, but not in the way one might assume. you were neither sick of each other nor did you fight a lot. to tell the truth, it was quite the opposite.

earlier, before you had kicked the wall in anger, the two of you had painted together. kevin was majoring in art and, since you didn't have anything better to do, you joined him while he did projects for his classes. you might have been majoring in journalism but you had always liked drawing and painting, even though you weren't particularly skilled. you were a naturally clumsy person, always tripping over air and dropping things. today you were hecticly moving around your hands while telling him about a stupid video you had seen and you accidently let go of the brush in your hand. it hit the side of kevin's face, leaving a wide splodge of red paint on his right cheek.

to get back at you, he jerked his paint brush and splattered some green color on your white shirt. you saw this as a challenge and soon both of you were both drenched in the colors of the rainbow, laughing hysterically on the floor, not caring that you were spreading the paint on the poor carpet.

you turned your heads to look at each other and you felt absolutely in peace. you loved this man and couldn't be more glad that it was him and not anyone else you were stuck with inside of this apartment.

he stood up to take off his stained shirt and your smile quickly faded off your face. your lips slightly parted and you couldn't help but stare at his now exposed biceps and abs.

your mouth watered and you felt heat pooling between your legs as you took your time to study his architecture. thoughts about how badly you wanted him to thrust into you while his strong arms held you up invaded your mind. you tried to shake them off but it was impossible.

occasions like this were slowly becoming a common occurrence for you.

having mostly stayed inside for over a year, also meant that you didn't have sex for that long. it's not like you were the horniest person on the planet but you still had needs that were being neglected. with kevin being home all the time you didn't even dare to masturbate, scared that he would be able to hear you through the frustratingly thin walls. you must have gone insane with all the lust building up inside you and that's why you suddenly craved to have sex with your best friend. this whole thing was destroying everything. it was hard to act normal when he was making you this nervous and heated but you tried to pretend that everything was fine anyway for the sake of your friendship.

that was the reason why you were angry and had hurt yourself. you hated the way you felt about your best friend and you hated the pandemic for not giving you an outlet to escape so you could recollect yourself.

what you weren't aware of was that kevin was no stranger to the exact same frustration.

he would need more than his ten fingers and ten toes to be able to count the amount of times he had to run to the bathroom to hide his boner because he had done so much as look at you bend over or stretch. he didn't want to make you uncomfortable but it was a challenge to try and calm down his hormones.

whenever he jacked off, images of you flashed through his mind; your sweet curves and pink lips drove him insane.

last week, you two were cooking together and you had asked him to get the salt. he stood behind you to reach for it on the highest shelf. he was forced to press his crotch against your butt cheeks and his dick hardened against his will. he quickly handed you the salt, excused himself and ran off before you could figure out what had happened.

he might not have known the cause of your sudden outburst but he sympathized with your fury because he had a lot of pent up anger towards covid as well.

he lay in his bed and tried to focus on the book he was reading but he couldn't tune out the groans coming from the room next to his. he cursed.

'stop it!' he was panicking as he saw a familiar tent forming in his pants. your sounds triggered some weird perverted part of his brain that sent signals right to his genitals. his dick was hardening and he saw no other solution to his problem than to give in to his subconscious desires.

he pulled down his pants just far enough so that his cock had enough room to spring out. it only needed a few strokes before it stood tall and angry. kevin pressed his head into his pillow and moved his hand fast. he wanted to get over with it quickly. he emptied his cum on his stomach while imagining your greedy little mouth being stuffed by his cock. he lay there panting as yet another round of shame flushed over him.

'get yourself together,' he whispered, mentally slapping himself.

***

'do you want to order japanese or italian?' you asked kevin. today was friday which meant it was time for your weekly tradition of ordering take out and watching a movie.

'definitely italian. we've already had japanese for the past four days. I need something else for a change,' kevin complained and shuddered at the thought of having to eat sushi again. the japanese restaurant prepared absolutely delicious food but he just couldn't stand it anymore.

you laughed at his pained facial expression. 'fine, italian it is.'

within twenty minutes the doorbell rang and after about half a minute kevin came back with two huge boxes.

he opened them on the small table situated in front of your couch and the smell of freshly cooked pasta seasoned with basil made your stomach growl.

kevin wanted to dig in already but you stopped him. you had to choose a movie first.

'let's watch tall girl. I saw everyone hate on it on tiktok,' you suggested.

'I think we should watch 365 days, that was all over my for you page as well,' kevin argued. you hadn't heard of it so you weren't sure whether it would be the right movie for you. the rule was that it had to be as bad as possible.

'according to what I have heard, it's apparently even worse than 50 shades of grey,' kevin added which piqued your interest. the both of you had watched 50 shades about two months ago and you were honestly shocked by how awful it actually was. you couldn't understand why everyone had been so obsessed with it when it was first released. if 356 days was really worse, then you'd hit the jackpot. you clapped your hands.

'fine, you win. I swear if the movie isn't as horrible as you say it is then you owe me something!' he intertwined his pinky with yours to promise.

watching horrible movies was way better than watching good ones. making fun of bad storylines, stupid characters or horrible editing was one of your favorite past times.

'I guess I'll have to add are you lost, baby girl to the top 10 worst lines ever spoken. who thought ah yes this is sexy, let's have him repeat it over and over again', you complained, shoving some pasta into your mouth.

'so he's like I won't do anything without your permission while he is literally groping her boobs against her will, like make it make sense, massimo', added kevin, ruffling his hair in frustration. he almost completely forgot about the food.

'so let me get this straight: he drugged her, kidnapped her, tied her up, hung up a painting of her just because he saw her face when his dad was shot?'

'totally relatable.' both of you giggled.

you were enjoying complaining about the plot. it was horrible.

there were plenty of erotic scenes but they were honestly so funny and kinda gross that you could bare it without really being affected by them. kevin, on the other hand, had placed a pillow over his hard-on to hide the embarrassing fact that these terrible, smutty scenes had turned him on.

and then the infamous boat scene came.

massimo and laura had a huge fight, she fell of the boat, he saved her and now she was suddenly so in love with him that she begs him to fuck her. which he does.

you felt your panties become increasingly wet as the couple had steaming hot sex.

'this is embarrassing but I'm so horny,' you admitted but in a way that should have suggested that you meant it as a joke. something about this statement stirred something in kevin.

'well, what can I say?' he replied and lifted the pillow. your pupils widened at the sight of your best friend's bulge.

his eyes darkened and he looked at you with lust clearly written on his face. you reciprocated his stare with the same intensity. you tried to focus on his dark brown orbs instead of his boner but the image you had just seen was present in your mind.

his gaze shifted to your lips and, before you knew it, kevin climbed above you and pressed your back flat onto the couch.

your lips locked and you immediately buried your hands in his hair to pull him closer. you moved in sync, his lips fitting perfectly onto yours. you bucked your hips up against his crotch and earned a moan from kevin. he opened his eyes in shock as realization hit him. he quickly pulled away and jumped off the coach.

'I'm so sorry, y/n. I shouldn't have just done that. I don't know what came over me,' he apologized profusely, staring at his feet. did he really think that you didn't want this?

'give me your hand,' you told him and held out your hand.

'why?' he raised his eyebrows in confusion. you rolled your eyes.

'just do it.'

you took his hand and led it to your crotch.

'what are you- oh my god.' your juices had completely soaked through your panties and your sweatpants. 'you are so wet.'

'for you,' you added. 'there's no need to apologize. I'm literally begging you to continue.'

you didn't have to say that twice before he pulled you closer to him by your hips and engaged you in another desperate kiss. his hands were groping your butt while you let yours slide under his hoodie. you felt his naked skin and toned abs, as you rubbed his stomach. you lowered your hands and bravely palmed his boner through his clothes.

'y/n,' he hissed out against your lips. you hooked your thumbs in the elastic of his pants and underwear, and pushed the material down to his thighs. he struggled to get them off.

you stroked his hard dick as he slipped his hand into your panties to massage your pussy at the same time.

he slipped one finger inside and began working it in and out. you finally were getting the relief you had been desperately craving for for so long. kevin was skilled and your walls were trying to swallow his slim finger. you were quickly coming close to your orgasm after having abstained for more than a year. you pulled his hand out.

'I bet you can make me come even better with your dick,' you challenged kevin.

'you bet I will.' he was confident.

'let me just look for a condom.' he was already turning away to go search in his room but you held him back by the arm.

'forget about it. I'm on the pill and I want you raw. I want you to come inside me and not spill into a stupid condom.'

the idea of this sounded very tempting to kevin. he picked you up and threw you back onto the couch, drawing your hips closer to him so he could pull off all the pieces of clothing that were hindering him from accessing your pussy.

he propped up his arms next to your sides and spread your thighs apart. strings of arousal were hanging from your folds and he saw your hole desperately clench around nothing. his dick hurt from how much he wanted to finally be inside of you. he wanted to find out how close he had been able to imagine how you would feel around him.

your hole took him in easily, welcoming him happily by embracing it tightly. kevin swore he could've cum right here and there.

he went slow at first to give you a chance to adjust but you were already fully ready, rocking your hips forward to meet his thrusts.

he crashed your mouths together and you kissed him like he was oxygen and you were short of air. you smiled and your eyes rolled back, satisfied with how things had played out today and the prospects of coming looked fairly promising.

desperate for release, kevin picked up the pace, his eyes closed while fucking into you like a horny animal. he couldn't help himself and all the 'faster's and 'harder's spilling from your mouth only encouraged him to drive himself deeper into you.

you wrapped your legs around his torso in an attempt to regain the control you were losing.

'fuck fuck fuck,' you cursed, feeling your muscles starting to contract. kevin brushed away some hair that was stuck to your sweaty forehead.

'it's fine, I'm coming too,' he announced and it took only a few more thrusts before a body shaking orgasm flushed over you, making you see only white. this drove kevin over the edge too and he spilled inside you, filling you up with his hot cum. he continued to slowly ease his dick in and out of you, fucking his semen right back into you until you had ridden out both of your orgasms. he let himself fall onto the couch right next to you, panting hard.

'I very much needed this,' you sighed in content.

'same, I wasn't sure whether I could hold out any longer without having a proper orgasm.' he watched his cum drip out of you.

'we should've thought of this sooner,' you said. 'this was a great idea.'

kevin hummed in agreement.

***

so now you and kevin were having sex on a regular basis, your high score being five times in a day. it felt good to finally live out your sexuality and not having to restrict yourself. sure, you guys did it more than necessary but it was a great way to pass time and it felt fucking amazing.

today you had done it in the shower after waking up, then on the kitchen counter and you had just finished having sex in his bed.

he was spooning you from behind, his cock still placed inside of you. he nuzzled his nose into your neck.

'stop, that tickles,' you chuckled.

'sorry.'

after a while of comfortable silence you heard him let out a big sigh.

'what's wrong?' you asked as he pulled out of you. you turned around to be able to look at him.

'I don't think I can do it like this anymore,' he confessed.

'what do you mean?' you asked. 'are you talking about us having sex?'

he nodded. your heart dropped and you started feeling dizzy. you tried to search for answers in his eyes but he avoided looking at you.

'w-why?' you stuttered, trying to hold back the tears that were welling up in your eyes.

'it was amazing at first,' he started and finally raised his head to meet your gaze, 'and I went into it without much thought. I went crazy during quarantine and began fantasizing about having sex with you. then it became reality but now I understand that was probably wrong of me. I've always thought of myself as a gentleman, yet I slept with you without much thought. you see, my issue is this…'

suspense hung in the air and you were impatiently waiting for him to get to the point.

'I like you.'

you quietly gasped in surprise. you had been expecting him to say you were bad at sex and that he regretted everything but not this.

'I shouldn't be sleeping with you unless you were my girlfriend,' he finished off his ramble. you felt immensely relieved.

'do you want me to?' you asked him.

'want you to what?' kevin was confused. he had been a hundred percent sure you'd immediately jump out of the bed in disgust when he confessed.

'be your girlfriend. after all, I like you too, you moron.' you realized that you had known this for a while. you might have even been crushing on your best friend since way before the pandemic struck but it was kind of hard to track your feelings. still, you were sure you liked him too. now that he had admitted his feelings, you were able to admit yours not only to him but to yourself as well.

'wow, I didn't expect this,' kevin confessed surprised. you laughed.

'yeah, we should've realized this sooner.' he pulled you closer and kissed you. it was different than the other times. his lips moved softly against yours, in contrast to all of your rough and passionate kisses you had exchanged these past few weeks. he conveyed his emotions through the kiss.

'you're ready again?' you groaned as you felt kevin's dick harden against your upper thigh. he chuckled.

'sorry, you just turn me on so much.'

so then you did it for the fourth time. that day, you set a new record of having sex six times. you might have been happy now but still just as horny.