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#I had meltdowns because I felt so overwhelmed all the time back then. but I did get a lot done. I did what I was supposed to do and I did it
penisbilt · 5 months
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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I've been having some very.. not so good days.
and I just put it together that I've also been playing a new to me game (Timberborn) a lot every day for a few days. hm. am I doing that because I'm feeling bad (= unable to do anything creative or productive), or is this (part of) what's making me feel bad?
it's probably a bit of both. but I do know that doing that for like 5-8 hours a day without any breaks definitely makes me feel worse. so maybe I need to try not doing that.
I'm going to a couple thrift stores with my mother and my niece tomorrow - that should be fun (very exhausting probably, but I think it'll be good to just go out and do something). hopefully I'll have enough energy left to do something else when I come back.
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misspygmypie · 25 days
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Spring Rolls For Lando
Pairing: Lando Norris x reader, Max Fewtrell x reader (besties) Words: 1620 Summary: Y/N’s attempts to make spring rolls for Lando to make him feel better and Max saves the day. Masterlist
Please do not repost, thank you, and leave some feedback :)
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Y/N stood in the kitchen, feeling increasingly overwhelmed as the ingredients piled up around her. She had watched countless YouTube videos and read recipe after recipe but nothing had prepared her for the chaos unfolding before her eyes. The rice paper wrappers kept tearing, the vegetables were unevenly chopped and the dipping sauce didn’t taste anything like it was supposed to.
Max Fewtrell was leaning against the counter, watching his and Lando's best friend, trying his best to hide his amusement. "You sure you don’t want to just order these? I can make the call in two seconds."
"No, Max," Y/N replied, her voice wavering as she struggled to keep her composure. "Lando loves these and after the weekend he had I really want to do something special for him. He’s always so supportive of me and I want to be there for him too."
Max noticed the slight tremor in her voice and softened his tone. "I get it, Y/N. But… you look like you’re about to have a meltdown. Are you sure this is worth it?"
Y/N swallowed hard, feeling the pressure building in her chest. "I just… I just want it to be perfect. He deserves something nice after this race I thought this would be easy, but…" Her voice cracked and she blinked rapidly, trying to keep the tears at bay.
Max’s grin faded as he realized how upset she was. He moved closer, gently taking the knife out of her hand before she could accidentally cut herself. “It’s okay. It doesn’t have to be perfect."
Y/N shook her head, her frustration spilling over as tears welled up in her eyes. "But everything is going wrong, Max! The wrappers keep tearing, the sauce tastes awful and I’ve made such a mess. I just wanted to do something nice for him and I’m screwing it all up!"
Max quickly wrapped her in a hug, rubbing her back soothingly. "Shh, it’s okay. You’re doing great, Y/N. You’re trying and that’s what counts. Lando is going to appreciate this no matter what."
Y/N buried her face in his shoulder, trying to calm down. "But what if he hates it? What if it just makes him feel worse?"
"There’s no way he’s going to hate it. He cares about you and he’s going to see how much effort you put into this. Trust me, it’s going to cheer him up."
She sniffled, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "I just don’t want to let him down."
"You won’t," Max assured her. "Besides, if the spring rolls don’t turn out, we’ll just distract him with something else. Like ordering pizza. That always works."
Y/N managed a small laugh, feeling a bit of the tension release. "Thanks, Max. I’m just… I’m so bad at this and I wanted it to be perfect."
Max smiled and gently wiped away a tear that had escaped down her cheek. "Perfection is overrated. And honestly, it’s pretty amazing that you’re doing this at all, considering how much you hate cooking."
Y/N sniffled again, finally allowing herself to smile. "Yeah, I guess I don’t have the best track record in the kitchen, do I?"
"Not exactly," Max teased, "but that’s what makes this so special. You’re doing something outside your comfort zone because you care. And that’s what’s going to mean the most to Lando."
After calming Y/N down Max glanced at the mess on the counter and rolled up his sleeves. "Alright, let’s do this together. We’ll make these spring rolls the best they can be."
"You’re going to help? I thought you were just here to laugh at my misery,” Y/N looked at him, surprised.
"Laughing was fun but seeing you this upset isn’t. Let’s turn this around."
With Max’s help, the kitchen felt a lot less chaotic. He took over the trickier parts, like handling the delicate rice paper wrappers, while Y/N focused on chopping the vegetables, much more evenly this time under Max’s watchful eye. They worked together, laughing as they went and slowly but surely, the spring rolls began to take shape.
"This isn’t so bad when you’ve got someone to help," Y/N admitted as she watched Max expertly roll up another spring roll. "I might actually survive this."
Max grinned. "Teamwork makes the dream work, right? Plus, I’ve made these a few times before, so I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve."
"Of course you have," Y/N said with a smile, shaking her head in mock exasperation. "Is there anything you haven’t done?"
"Cooking is all about confidence," Max replied, handing her a finished spring roll to place on the plate. "And a little bit of improvisation."
Soon, they had a plate full of neatly rolled and fried spring rolls that looked almost professional. Y/N couldn’t believe it. "We actually did it," she said, a mix of relief and disbelief in her voice. "These look so much better than the ones I tried to make on my own."
Max gave her a playful nudge. "See? Told you it would be fine. And look, no tears and no fires. I’d say that’s a win."
"Thanks, Max. I couldn’t have done this without you."
"Anytime," Max said with a grin. "Now, let’s get this place cleaned up before Lando gets home and thinks we fought a war in here."
They quickly tidied up the kitchen, hiding the evidence of Y/N’s earlier disasters. Just as they finished they heard the front door open. Lando was home.
Y/N exchanged a quick, nervous glance with Max who gave her a reassuring nod. She took a deep breath as Lando walked into the kitchen, looking tired but happy to be home.
The moment Lando saw the plate of spring rolls on the table, his eyes widened in surprise. "You made spring rolls?" he asked, almost shocked. "They look… amazing!"
Y/N blushed, feeling a mix of pride and relief. "Yeah… well, Max helped a lot."
Lando turned to Max, raising an eyebrow. "You helped?"
Max grinned and shrugged nonchalantly. "What can I say? I’m a man of many talents."
Lando shook his head in disbelief, a smile spreading across his face. "I honestly didn’t think you’d be able to pull this off. Not after last time…"
Y/N laughed, feeling the tension finally lift. "Yeah, it was touch-and-go for a while there but Max saved the day."
Lando walked over to the table, picking up one of the spring rolls and examining it with curiosity. "These look perfect. I can’t believe you guys actually did it."
Max leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms with a satisfied smile. "I told you, teamwork makes the dream work."
Lando took a bite of the spring roll, his eyes widening in surprise and delight. "These are really good!" He turned to Y/N, his expression softening. "Thank you, Y/N. This really means a lot."
Y/N smiled, feeling a warmth spread through her chest. "You’ve had a rough race and I know how much you love these."
Lando reached out and pulled her into a hug. "You’re the best, you know that? And Max," he added, glancing over her shoulder at their friend, "you’re alright too."
Max chuckled, waving off the compliment. "I try."
As they sat down at the table Lando couldn’t stop smiling. The spring rolls were more than just food, they were a reminder of how much Y/N cared about him. He picked up another one, savoring the taste, and looked over at her with a softness in his eyes that hadn’t been there earlier.
"You know," Lando said, his voice thick with emotion. "I’ve been feeling pretty low after this weekend and this… this is exactly what I needed."
Y/N smiled, her heart swelling with warmth. "I'm just glad you like them, I was worried they'd turn out horrible."
"They’re perfect," Lando reassured her grabbing her hand, his gaze never leaving hers.
Max, who had been watching the exchange with a smirk, finally chimed in. "You know, Lando, this whole thing was Y/N’s idea from the start. She was determined to make these for you, no matter what. I was just here to stop the kitchen from burning down. She even got a bit emotional when things weren’t going right."
Y/N shot Max a playful glare but Lando’s expression softened even more. "You really did all this… for me?"
Y/N nodded, feeling a bit shy under his intense gaze. "Of course, I did. You mean a lot to me, Lando. I couldn’t just sit back and do nothing after the weekend you had."
Lando let go of her hand, but only so he could pull her into a tight hug. "Thank you, Y/N. For everything. You always know how to make me feel better, even when I don’t deserve it."
Y/N hugged him back, resting her head on his shoulder. "You always deserve it, Lando."
Max watched them with a grin, leaning back in his chair. "Well, I’d say my work here is done. You two are disgustingly cute, you know that?"
Lando laughed, finally releasing Y/N but keeping one arm around her shoulders. "You’re just jealous, Max."
Max pretended to think about it for a moment before shaking his head. "Nah, I’m just happy I got a free meal out of it."
Y/N rolled her eyes but she couldn’t help laughing along with them. Lando kept sneaking glances at Y/N, his heart full of appreciation for her. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have someone who cared about him so deeply, someone who would go through so much effort just to see him smile.
________
AN: Something not Noah/Lando related for once lol I just had to write a little comfort piece, he looked so sad in the cool down room 😥
Taglist: @barcelonaloverf1life
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hoe4sports · 1 month
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Nobody likes the angry girl
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A note from the author: I saw a video that hit home. It was a tiktok about being told that “nobody likes the angry girl”. I was the angry girl as a child, and by now you probably know that this is a fic based off of my life. I am not enabling this kind of behaviour, but I’m trying to show you how it can feel to struggle with trauma. Traumas need constant work, love and attention.
If you are struggling with the same thing; you are not a monster. You will get there. It’s not your fault. I love you.
Credits: This is based off a tiktok that I saw, you can find it here. Courtesy of @young.Riley on TikTok.
Warning: Trauma, anger, anxiety
Summary: Your childhood has caused more damage than Alexia could ever believe.
⚠️If you feel easily triggered or overwhelmed, read with caution and take breaks. If you need to, please seek a mental health hotline.
“Nobody likes the angry girl”. That was a sentence that would be thrown after you as if it was a knife. Your mother would use it when you did something she didn’t like. Speaking up for yourself, telling her how you felt, wanting her love or being upset. She would describe you as angry if you weren’t a pleasure or the quiet girl.
Alexia however, she is patient with the angry girl. She understands the angry girl because she took her time to understand her. She asked the questions and listened to the stories. She knew what caused you to become the angry girl. How your mother’s words cut through your back causing scars in your heart. Alexia knew that the angry girl carried her heart outside her sleeve. She loved the angry girl with every cell in her body.
The Spanish heat was flowing in through the kitchen windows. You breathed in the air filling your lungs all the way up. Your body felt sweaty after working in the garden for a while. It was mid day, and you had gotten the week off. It was a nice change, your workplace had decided to work on their employees wellbeing giving all of your colleagues a week off. You see, that was the recipe for a perfect week. Only, whenever you got too much time off: your mind and unconsciousness would deep dive into your childhood making your mood miserable and leaving your emotions on edge.
You decided that the best thing to do was to head into the shower, so you approached the bedroom where you pulled out a pair of black athletic bike shorts and a blue athletic long sleeve. Just as you were about to close the door to the wall in closet, you noticed that alexia had left clothes in the floor. Not just on the floor, but right next to the laundry basket. The mishap itched you the wrong way. “Of course”, you mumbled to yourself, “of course she would leave me to pick it up when she knows that I hate when she does that.” You reached for the clothes before chucking it into the basket. It made you feel annoyed. Like your blood was boiling. But you pushed it down. You didn’t want to have a meltdown, not when Alexia had a stressful week.
When you entered the bathroom, you quickly started the water making the shower heat up before getting undressed. That was when you noticed the toothpaste on the mirror. Your face dropped when you saw it. Jesus, you thought, you just cleaned it yesterday. It made it feel like Alexia didn’t appreciate your hard work of trying to keep the house in shape. You grabbed a rag after spraying the mirror, washing the full length of the mirror. You couldn’t just was the one spot with toothpaste, because then it would cause streaks. And you hated streaks. When you turned around to feel the temperature of the running water with your hand, you stepped into cold water with your socks. It made you feel furious. “Oh my god” you mumbled to yourself. You took a deep breath with your eyes closed. Then, your hands reached for a dry towel to wipe up the water that Alexia had left for you to step on.
But, your hand didn’t find anything. You turned your head to see that there were no towels. You took a quick deep breath feeling as if you were about to explode. The robe that was hanging on its hook came to use when you wrapped yourself in it heading into the linen closet to restock towels. Alexia knew that there were fresh towels in the closet. They were neatly folded, white cream towels made out of bamboo. You grabbed the bunch that were sitting on the shelf before stomping your way into the bathroom. The towels got placed in its shelf before you wiped up Alexia’s mess from earlier this morning.
You see, the thing about being the angry girl is that it becomes your identity. You are never smart, talented, beautiful or a joy; because in your mother’s eyes, all you are is the angry girl. When she gave you silent treatment as a 5 year old and you cried for days begging her to speak to you. The first thing she said when you sat there, tears filling your eyes was that nobody likes the angry girl. It hurt like a gunshot. And whenever she used it, it felt like you got shot again. And again. And again. And again. Even though you don’t talk to your mother anymore, you are still the angry girl in her eyes. You will never be anything more.
After your shower, you sat down on the toilet while drying off. Your hand instantly reached for your phone which lead you to watch TikTok. It was childishly enough the only thing that would give your brain a pause. Some days, you had to take yourself on a timeout to watch TikTok with your headphones underneath your blanket it your dark bedroom. Maybe it was the feeling of overwhelming that hit you and maybe that was why this became the solution? Or perhaps it was because whenever you said anything about your feelings, your mother would tell you to go to your bedroom?
You kept watching TikTok before you reached for the toilet paper. And, lo and behold, there was no toilet paper. You could’ve sworn that your eye twitched for a second. But you reached out to the cabinet underneath the sink and popped the new roll on the holder before getting rid of the empty roll.
After feeling the anger building up inside you like a tidal wave, you decided to try to have something to eat. Perhaps, you thought, just perhaps you are hangry and it will all pass once you’ve had some food. Then you remembered that you had leftovers from Lasagna in the refrigerator. You peered into the kitchen and opened the big fridge door before feeling your heart sink. No lasanga. Alexia had brought it with her to practice. It made you frown because you knew damn well that Alexia had all kinds of food in the Barca cafeteria that she would eat from. Even fresh lasagna.
In a need to calm yourself down, you decided to go for a drive to the grocery store. You put on some makeup and do your hair all nice before grabbing your purse and heading out. You press the keyless start button in your car and there is a flashing sign. You are out of gas. Alexia borrowed your car yesterday. You feel your blood boiling. You hop out of your car before smacking the door as hard as you can. Then you stomp your way upstairs to the bedroom to hide from the world and your own problems. You stay hidden in the bedroom for hours. Hiding underneath your weighted blanket hoping that you will fall asleep. That’s one of the angry girl strategies, sleeping. She will close her eyes and keep them shut for hours to avoid confrontation.
But, the attempt to calm down is quickly paused. Your eyes peer open when you hear Alexia’s familiar footsteps in the hallway. “Hola, amor!” She calls out. You can tell that she’s in a good mood. The kind of mood that makes you feel sick to your bones when the angry girl is out. You tuck the blanket around your head so only your face sticks out. “..Amor? Are you sick, no?” Alexia asks softly when she opens up the door to the bedroom. You huff out in response hoping to keep the angry girl away. Alexia sits down next to you on the bed. She gives you the most loving look. It makes the angry girl scared. God, you think. You are so unloveable. Your eyes starts to look like glass, but Alexia dosent seem to catch it. “I’ll go make you some tea. Blueberry?” she askes before placing a kiss on your forehead. You nod in response.
Why is the world against me today, you think. Keeping your head calm when the storm is flaring up isn’t easy, the angry girl inside you is peeking out from the heavy blackout curtains she normally is forced to hide behind. You see, the angry girl looks big and scary. She’s hiding behind curtains as she takes up the whole room. But, the angry girl isn’t a big girl. She’s small. She’s little. She looks big because of the shadows from the lights, but she is small. She is so small. She’s easy to hurt. And she’s sensitive.
The angry girl comes out with a bang. Alexia drops the cup in the kitchen causing you to practically jump out of bed. It scares you shameless, and the angry girl feels put on the spot. You stomp into the kitchen, your face strained and your body tight. You look at the cup on the ground. Or, what was left of it. You instantly recognise it. That is what causes the angry girl to jump out. “ALEXIA!! Seriously?? My moomin mug? From my grandmother?? Seriously?? You are so clumsy, so irresponsible! God, you are so fucking annoying! Why do you ruin everything!” The angry girl yells out feeling heat rush to your cheeks. Alexia looks caught off guard before her looks softens. “You are right mi vida, i shouldn’t have dropped it. Lo siento mucho princesa” she speaks softly. Her body slowly moves towards you. When she dosent get angry back, the little girl feels scared. For some reason, that causes the angry girl to feel threatened. “Don’t fucking touch me, Alexia! Don’t you dare to fucking touch me!” The angry girl yells before turning around and sprinting to the bedroom. Your hand quickly turns the lock before your throw yourself on the bed, face looking into the wall as tears of anger swells in your eyes. You can hear Alexia outside of the door. “Leave me alone!! God, will you ever fucking learn? I should just move out!!” The angry girl screams before pulling the blanket over your head. You lay completely still with your eyes squeezed shut causing you to fall asleep within minutes.
The angry girl haunts your head monthly. It used to be weekly, and in periods; even daily. You don’t purposely let the angry girl out, but sometimes she claws her way out of the deepest darkest rooms where you normally keep her. The angry girl is a result of trauma, event though you sometimes let yourself believe that she is who you are. A part of your personality. A part of you. The angry girl hurt you for years. But you, Alexia and your psychiatrist worked together to get you where you are today.
The thing about the angry girl is that she isn’t really big. She’s a little girl. When the little girl comes out to play, she gets scared. She hides in the bedroom in fear that someone might yell at her. Or disown her. Or not talk to her. To hide is how so stays protected. Her talent is hide and seek. She tiptoes into the bathroom at night, terrified to wake someone up. She sneaks snacks when nobody is watching and god forbid someone catches her: she always ask if she’s allowed food. As a young little girl, she craved love, she craved to be seen and she craved to feel wanted. But she wasn’t allowed to feel those feelings. She was starved of the feelings. She creeps along the shadows of the hallway avoiding showing herself until she is trapped in a corner. That’s when the little girl becomes the angry girl. When she is trapped, and there is nowhere to hide and it feels like the world is about to end. But because Alexia is there, the world doesn’t end.
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An hour later, you wake up by someone softly playing your hair. You can hear the low buzz of the bedroom tv. The slow beats of Alexia’s heart. The warmth of her lap. The embarrassment and the sadness fills your body. Tears make your eyes glass-like. You move your hand slightly. “Feeling better amore?” Alexia hums at you, not stopping her comforting movements. “I’m so sorr-“ you speak before your voice breaks and your body fills with regret and embarrassment. You feel so angry with yourself. Why are you like this? Why can’t you just communicate instead of letting everything blow up? You don’t know how to stop it, and you are terrified that it will drive Alexia away. “You don’t deserve this..” you mumble moving your hand to alexia’s knee.
“Mi amor, it’s not your fault that you were treated badly as a kid so don’t be sorry for breaking something that you didn’t break. You will get there with time and patience, and I’ll be with you every step of the way. Te amo mucho and that is never gonna change. Vale?”
Alexia looks down on you smile long softly before kissing your head.
«Vale, te amo, Ale. Te amo mucho”
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writtenbymoonflower · 3 months
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hello! I'm not sure if your requests are open, but could I ask for some hurt/comfort with poly!marauders with an autistic reader?
maybe reader has a meltdown because of sensory overload and they help her through it?
thank you so much! I love your writing xxx
thank you so much for requesting! poly!marauders x autistic fem!reader
cw: description of sensory overload, autistic meltdown/panic attack, brief mentions of unsafe stimming
943 words
By the time your building was in sight, you felt every ounce of adrenaline leave your body. You had been holding on by a fraying thread all day, taking every searing feeling of overwhelm in stride. Your hands were raw and scraped from digging your nails into your flesh, and your jaw was tight and aching from being permanently clenched. 
Usually, work wasn’t this stressful for you. There were difficulties for sure, but it was familiar and predictable. Today however, there had been a company mixer involving all of the branches of your company. The building was hot and crowded with bodies, everyone was talking over each other, there were new people constantly trapping you in mundane conversation, and it was all just too much. It felt like every aspect of the event was scheming for your demise. You made it, though. You were as friendly as you could muster and you hoped your simmering discomfort was mostly imperceptible to your coworkers. Unfortunately for you however, the come down was worse than the overwhelm itself. 
You kicked your pinching shoes off the minute you stepped through the door, wanting to rid yourself of all sensation. You rushed to your room to undress. All of your clothes were itching painfully into your skin and it was enough to make you want to scream. You tugged your blouse off, not even bothering to throw it in the hamper. Your hands were so shaky that you pinched your fingers in the zipper of your skirt. You were already close to tears, but when you punctured your stockings while tugging them off, it all caught up to you. You crumpled into a heap on the floor, shivering from the biting cold in the room. You rolled yourself into a ball as small as possible on the floor, shaking as tears rolled down your face. Everything was too much. You weren’t sure how long you had stayed like that, rocking back and forth and shaking your hands, as if you could shake off the crawling on your skin. In your overwhelmed state you didn’t notice the door open, or the footsteps rapidly approaching your room. 
“Baby?” A voice was panicked, rushing over to you and crouching on the floor. You recognized the smell first, Sirius’ woodsy and fruity scent. His hands reached out to grab you before quickly retreating, not wanting to add to your state. “Baby, did you hurt yourself?” You shook your head rapidly, still choking on sobs. You winced as Sirius yelled. “Prongs! Moons!” They appeared in the doorway almost immediately, recognizing the urgency in his voice. 
“James, get the blanket.” Remus ordered. They had seen this happen a few times before but it didn’t make them panic any less. It was difficult for them to see you in pain, especially when there was no visible injury to tend to. You were still shaking, biting your hand compulsively. Remus was firm but kind as he kept you safe from yourself. “Honey, I need you to be gentle, okay?” You didn’t respond but still obeyed. Soon, a warm and heavy blanket was placed over your shoulders, it helped to calm your shaking, but you were still crying. 
“Will a hug help, lovie?” You nodded, craving the pressure. James pulled you onto his lap and squeezed you tight. The compression was wonderfully grounding, as if you could feel all the pain being juiced from your system like a lemon. He released you too soon, but you knew he was just being cautious. You tended to not know when pressure was too much, especially when you were in this state. It wasn’t rare for you to have bruises on your hands from squeezing or sitting on them when you got stressed. Still, you now felt calmer. 
“Remmy, can you turn the lights off please? The buzzing hurts.” You winced. He scrambled up to do so, in a way you knew likely hurt his aching joints. Your brain began to quiet down, your system being cleansed from the unwelcome and intrusive sensations of the day. “Thank you.” You mumbled, playing with your fingers. 
“Don’t thank us, baby.” Sirius wrapped the heavy blanket further around your shoulders. “Did something happen today?” 
You shook your head. “Not really, just a bunch of little things. It was just a lot, I didn’t expect it to affect me so much.” You said the last part with a bit too much shame for the boys liking. 
“Sometimes you don’t know until it’s happening.” James said gently. “I’m sorry it was a hard day, lovie.” 
“Is there anything more we can do?” Sirius said restlessly. He hates that this happens to you, it makes him wish he could wrap you in warm, quiet darkness and hold you to his chest, shutting all the pain out. 
You thought for a second. “I think I’m hungry. I haven’t eaten yet today. I was too distracted.” You knew the boys were still feeling especially tender, since you weren’t scolded. 
“Why don’t we order a takeaway?” Remus suggested. “That way we can just relax for a bit.” He stroked your exposed knee with his fingers.
“I think that Greek place is open.” James said before you could answer. “I’ll get the menu.” 
“Do you wanna move to the settee, sweet girl?” Sirius wrapped an arm around your shoulders. When you nodded he helped you stand up and ushered you to the sofa, wrapping you in more warm blankets when goosebumps rose. James handed you the remote. 
“Pick what you want, lovie.” James sat on your other side, caging you in wonderfully. You were again covered in sensation, but this time it was welcome and comforting.
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candiehearts · 1 month
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Domestic Peter Maximoff headcanons???? I,,, I'm love the silver boy and yearn for domesticity with himmmm thank you, bye.
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“I LOVE OUR LIFE.” -> Peter Maximoff
Paring: Peter Maximoff x Wife Reader
Summary: Everyday Peter falls more in love with you, and everyday he loves your life. It’s hard not to get caught in the moment.
Warnings: Mostly just rotting fluff.
Taglist: Just ask to be added.
It is very rare for Peter to wake up before you, however on the off chance he does — he doesn’t hesitate to let you sleep in.
He would make you breakfast in bed, and wake you up with a kiss. While you would complain about how he shouldn’t kiss you with your morning breath. Something he can’t help but roll his eyes at.
The very first thing he does in the morning is check that his wedding ring is still on his finger.
He had accidentally lost it one night while you two were sleeping, and had a whole meltdown. (It was under his nightstand.)
Also, he always sleep and does everything with his ring on, always even though he knows he shouldn’t because it can get damaged. It’s mostly just cause he forgets it.
Loves your cooking, absolutely is divine in his opinion. However he loves your baking even more.
He’ll do the classic move of hugging you from behind while you mix the brownie batter.
And while you lean into his touch, he’ll sneak a finger dip of the batter. It’s a 50/50 chance of being caught. He
He doesn’t know what he’d rather have, you not noticing and him cuddling you while getting a sneaky bite. Or you scolding him with that glare of yours that he always finds himself getting hot to.
When you get pregnant with your first child he is over the moon, however he does not how exhausting being pregnant is.
When you belly bump started to form he would always placed his hand on it and rub affectionately, with your permission to touch you of course. (He knows how easy it is to get over stimulated.)
When he lifts up on your bump, it reliefs so much pressure of your back and body. You can’t help but cry as you can feel yourself decompressing.
“Oh, my sweet baby. It’s okay I got you.” He muttered in your ear as placed your hands on his — his wedding band cool against your skin — while he gave you such relief.
“Thank you, I love you so so much.” You replied, so grateful for having him as a husband and the father of your child. “It’s the least I can do, while you’re baking my boy.”
“It’s a girl.” You felt him smile against the shell of your ear, and you couldn’t stop the grin on your face. “Nuh uh.”
When your water broke, he freaked out, speeding all around the house, grabbing all the things you needed. (he overpacked)
When your girl was born he felt such love enter his heart, as he stared at his two beautiful girls.
When you felt comfortable with trying to get pregnant again, it wasn’t long before another bun was in the oven. He wanted his boy. He wanted to be the father he never had.
Over the years, Peter loved everything about your life, yes the two of you got overwhelmed sometimes. Especially during the transition from one kid to two.
However he wouldn’t trade it for the world. He loved the late nights you two would have, as you stayed up together once the kids went to bed.
He loved teaching his baby’s how to write and draw.
He had to admit though, he was a sucker for those rare lazy morning where you two woke up before the kids, and just spent time with each other. Holding one another.
Peter felt himself slowly start to wake up peacefully. A very rare thing, with three toddlers. He felt a soft hand pushing his messy hair away from his face, your fingers brushing it out.
He felt his eyes flutter open at the feeling of you putting your hand on his cheek, your wedding band cold against his skin.
He felt blessed when you leaned over him, tracing his face with your thumb. A loving look in your gaze that could only be rivaled by his. “Good morning, bolt.” Bolt, a stupid nickname you gave him. You got it from watching the dog film — where the dog was literally named bolt. Though he loved it when it came from your pretty lips, lips he was desperate to kiss.
“Morin’ baby.” He leaned up to you, capturing your lips with his. He didn’t waste a moment before grabbing your waist and pushing you onto the bed. Switching positions. “Baby, I haven’t brushed my teeth yet.” You made a weak complaint, that didn’t matter at all while he kissed down your neck.
“Honey, I’ve walked in on you using the bathroom, I’ve been with every birth with you, I’ve held your hair back with your throw up. And for the love of god…” he gave your throat at little nip, causing a gasp to leave your lips. A gasp that he took as he replaced his lips rightfully on yours with a loving kiss. “… I’ve kissed you every morning — with our morning breath.”
You didn’t try to contain your smile, as you let out a little giggle. “Oh? You think I’m funny.” You knew that teasing look is his eyes, and before you could tell him no he was already at your ribs. Tickling you until you screamed out his name in pure laughter, trying to be serious.
Though your little tickle fight was caught short by the sound of the door slamming open and three little minions running to get on your bed.
“Daddy! Mommy!” Your little girl squealed when she saw her parents, something she always did when she saw one of them. A habit you hoped never stop.
“We wanna play too!” Peter didn’t waste a second before grabbing all three of them. “Well come here and meet the tickle monster!”
Navigation — other works!
Peter Maximoff Masterlist.
A/N: I hope I did the request justice. Thank you for the ask!
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1d1195 · 4 months
Text
Ding - Round 6
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Read Ding here | ~6.3k words
Warnings: some smut 18+ only, oral, fingering, cockwarming if you squint; angst, car accident, trauma dumping, sucky parental figure. Please read with caution. You might also see one of my cliffhangers.
From me: I feel like the beginning is messy to read--almost like it's out of nowhere? But it's pretty intentional, tbh. I hope it doesn't detract from the story. Hope you like it 💕
Summary: Cupcake and Harry are busy. Harry has his big fight. Cupcake was right about throwing her life out of balance by adding in a boyfriend. They miss each other. They don't know how to deal with that either. At least not while they're apart.
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It was not Harry’s fault. Even though he thought it was.
But to be fair, it wasn’t her fault either. Even if she felt it was.
Harry grew into adulthood knowing he was stubborn. Everyone in his life told him so. It was obvious. He didn’t get to be an undefeated champion without grit. His entire gym was named as a near synonym of the word. But she continued to surprise him, and it was clear that he had very much met his match—she was competing for his crown of stubbornness. If Harry wasn’t so mad about his current state, he might even acknowledge that she was winning.
At first everything was new and completely fine. He was enamored with her. Finally she was all his. He took her on a real date—several real, authentic dates. He danced around with her in the bakery kitchen. Brought her food for movie nights in her apartment. (He also licked her when the movie lost his attention, and she looked too good to be sitting there without his head between her legs.) He even brought her bouquets of flowers simply because it was Monday.
She stayed at his place, wrapped close to him. It was as if they had done it for years. When he woke up early for a run, she joined him, assuring him to go ahead and circle back for her since he ran way better and faster than she did. But he enjoyed the way she massaged his muscles in the shower most. (The way she wrapped her hand around his dick most of all.) She made him breakfast before they left for work and Harry thought if the bakery wasn’t to her liking she could open a breakfast place as a second choice.
She chatted with Sarah while he worked out and trained. Without any kind of asking, she helped clean equipment when he needed to focus more on training. She organized his desk in his office because it was a disaster and it stressed her out. Whenever she cleaned, she hummed and didn’t notice. It made Harry fall deeper in love with her. Every moment he was with her was magical.
Until she was exhausted.
He missed her. For the first time in his life, he had felt completely in love with someone. The way he wanted to be in love. He finally had that. They were inseparable. Nights spent cocooned under Harry’s covers. His finger tracing her features in the dark. “So pretty,” he murmured.
“You can’t even see me,” she whispered.
“S’how I know you’re so pretty. Can feel it.”
So not having that for two weeks was like trying to swim through cement.
She had what could only be called a complete meltdown. Frosting and cupcakes everywhere. She was overwhelmed—said yes to too many functions in a row and spread herself too thin. She was frustrated with Harry and his time training and just missed him.
But she didn’t say it.
Because Harry was frustrated too. He tried to help her, but she didn’t let him in. There was the whole not knowing her family—even though she had effectively wormed her way into Mum and Gemma’s heart. Though he wasn’t surprised in the slightest; honestly, he thought his niece liked her more than Harry and she had only met her twice.
So, when she exploded, for lack of a better word, it was magnificent. It was nothing he had ever seen before. The exhaustion in her eyes, the worry on her face, the tears that spilled down her cheeks. Harry was sick with worry and frustration just to hear her cry but was nearly impressed. The cupcakes overturned on the floor were nothing in comparison to the way she cried.
“Cupcake, you are overreact—”
“Do not finish that sentence,” she hissed at him. That was entirely on him. Gem had taught him better than to tell a woman she was overreacting.
“Lemme take something off your plate, kitten,” he tried instead. He was ignoring her frustrated tears even though he wanted to brush them away. “Tell me what’s going on,” he figured it had something to do with her dad because she kept checking her phone and she hadn’t mentioned going to see him in over a week. But her car was overdue for an oil change, and she didn’t want to drive it that far but hadn’t a moment to deal with it. She also complained about something regarding her eyebrows, but Harry didn’t fully understand it because quite honestly, he had never thought about her eyebrows.
But if it meant caring for herself, he wished he pushed further.
Their schedules hadn’t lined up in two weeks. No more than an hour or two alone. She saw him plenty while she chatted with Sarah at the gym while he trained or worked. He and Maeve had started a competition of who could sprinkle the most cupcakes in fifteen minutes (Harry was willing to admit defeat once in his life—he would never beat Maeve) even though she didn’t like that they were having fun when she was stressed.
They hadn’t practiced her self-defense moves in nearly a month.
So, it felt like her fault.
But what she hadn’t anticipated was Harry’s sour attitude reflecting right back at her. Harry didn’t take her frustration lying down. He snapped back at her which felt so heinous to do but he was grumpy.
But he was tired of arguing with her. Tired of feeling frustrated, begging her to let him in when it was obvious she didn’t want to. So, for the first time in his life, he stopped fighting.
It pained him to no end. He could see in her eyes that she was exhausted. It hurt him so badly. Each time he said, “Whatever, Cupcake,” he felt like the worst boyfriend in the world for not taking her frustration away. But she wouldn’t let him in. She wouldn’t let him take away her frustration. It was like she wanted to argue with him. It was entirely unfair, but she was mad about his indifference. It didn’t make any sense for her to be mad when she had just as much blame to take for his sour mood.
“Why don’t you just go home?” She suggested. Bitterness coated every word.
“Yeah?” Harry looked up at her from his phone, his eyes narrowed. She could see his muscles tense like they were in the ring, and she was aiming for his head. “Jus’ leave?” He repeated.
“Obviously you don’t want to be here,” she muttered.
He slid back from the table, the chair scraping against the floor with a screech that made her teeth hurt. “No, cupcake,” he shook his head and made his way for the door. She hated itwhen he said the sweet name like that. She knew it wasn’t her nickname when he said it. It wasn’t filled with the love he liked. It was sarcastic. Mean. It hurt her more than an actual punch would have, she was sure. “You don’t want me here,” his voice was low. She closed her eyes, trying to keep as calm as possible. It was hard because she was anything but calm. But she said nothing. “You don’t want me in your life,” he snapped finally letting all the emotion out that had been building over the last week. “You keep things from me. You build up walls that I can’t break down. Every time I get to the top y’add another layer of bricks.”
She stayed silent.
“Go on, cupcake. Say m’wrong,” he challenged. “Say y’let me in.”
But both knew she couldn’t say it.
It was eerily quiet in the kitchen. The pinch of Harry’s brow made her sad. She wanted to smooth it out with a kiss. “Tell me to stay,” he whispered quietly.
But she couldn’t say that either.
“Yeah,” he sighed and turned. “S’what I thought.”
*
Maeve wondered if her best friend was going to have a heart attack a lot during her time at A Pinch of Sprinkles. The opening in town nearly sent her to the ER. She was running on fumes at the time. Christmas always made her anxious. Anytime they were chosen for a wedding also had Maeve worrying about her medical history. But in comparison, those were nothing. If Maeve had known what not talking to Harry would do to her, she would have told her that Christmas was a tropical vacation.
Harry stopped coming to see her.
“Did...” she swallowed, nervous to infuriate her best friend further but out of care for her, she had to know. “Is... Harry still...”
She glared at the cupcakes she was frosting, squeezing the icing bag a little too tightly. “I don’t know,” she grumbled. She hadn’t gotten a text from him nor seen him in a week after she told him to leave.
Maeve’s heart cracked. “Babe,” Maeve murmured softly.  “He... he adores you... what happened?”
She shook her head unwilling to go over it again. The nights were filled with tear-soaked pillowcases, and she was exhausted from stress and crying. “I just can’t be in a relationship. It’s too much.”
Of course.
Maeve was sick of her best friend’s loneliness. “That is bullshit,” Maeve rolled her eyes. “Did you push him away?”
“Maeve, shut the fuck—”
“Oh, good luck pushing me away, babe. No,” she shook her head and grabbed the bag of frosting from her hands and threw it at the sink to gain her attention.
“I was wor—”
Maeve ignored her words and continued on with her own. “I might not be a boxer, but I can take a punch or two all the same. You pushed him away. Now you’re sulking. You’ve been punishing yourself for so long because you think you don’t deserve to be happy. Harry did nothing but love you and try to help you and you wouldn’t let him—”
“I am going to fire you,” she muttered bitterly. Harry never said he loved her anyway. How could he love her after all that? How could he love her if he didn’t even know the truth?
Maeve continued anyway, immune to her threat because she knew that wasn’t true at all. “You deserve to be happy, and Harry made you happy. That scares you,” she finished.
Angry tears filled her eyes and she ground her teeth together.
“You’re not going to say anything?”
Maeve was her best friend and knew more about her and her family than anyone. “I don’t get happy things.”
“But you do. You have me, number one,” she snorted, fortunately. The tension eased just the slightest bit. “You have this bakery. And more importantly, you have a guy that is so crazy about you, he has been calling me every night to make sure you’re home safe and sound.” Her heart fluttered. She didn’t know that.
“Every time I love someone, they go away,” she whispered.
Maeve felt nothing but sympathy for her sweet friend. “You have to give Harry a chance. You have to tell him why you’re doing this. I have a good feeling about him,” Maeve reminded her. For the first time in a week, she felt her body untense.
“He calls you?” She asked.
“Every night.”
She bit the inside of her lip. “That’s nice,” she whispered.
Maeve nodded. “Really nice,” she agreed. “Plus, he’s like super hot. Did you even sleep with him yet?” She blushed at her words and reached for a new frosting bag out of the fridge. “You bitch! You didn’t tell me?!” Maeve screeched. She smacked her arm repeatedly. “Tell me everything! When did you do it? Where did you do it? Harry must have a massive dick, right? I feel like he’s—”
“Maeve,” she laughed. The first time in a week. It felt good to laugh. “I...”
“No, you have to spill. Something.”
Her cheeks were flaming. “I think I’m addicted to it,” she whispered.
“Thank. God.”
*
Harry refused to go back to the bakery for the rest of the week uninvited. His workout sessions were horrific. Louis yelled at him for missing his marks and he felt everything about his footwork was sloppy. The way she ignored him made him feel terrible. But naturally, he didn’t help either. He hadn’t texted her in over a week.
But it didn’t stop Harry from waking up to a call at eleven thirty at night.
“What?” He grumbled. He didn’t want to fight. He was tired of arguing with her and was tired of being frustrated. She would have to do the work if she was going to try and fix this when he needed sleep.
The sound of her shaky breath snapped his eyes open. “Can you come get me?” She croaked.
That did him in within seconds. The vulnerability in her voice. “Cupcake, s’matter?” He was awake instantly. It wasn’t sarcastic. It was her name. The one he used that made her feel adored. It was sweet and made her feel better almost as if he was already at the bakery. He quickly slid into trainers that he didn’t even untie; the back of the heel was smushed down and uncomfortable against his foot, but it didn’t matter. Her sniffling made him insane with worry. It was like the last few weeks hadn’t happened. “Kitten, talk to me,” he ordered. His heart racing and his fear taking over. He wasn’t sure he locked his door, and he was lucky he even remembered to grab his car keys before he descended the stairs to the parking lot.
“I’m alright,” she promised, tears filling most of her voice.
“Y’don’t sound alright.”
“I’m fine,” she repeated.
“Cupcake, I swear t’God,” he threw his car into drive before it was fully turned on.
“I just miss you. I’m sad and scared. Okay? I’m physically fine, but I’m a mess. I want you here,” her voice wobbled, and Harry felt like he was breaking. “Please,” she sniffled.
Harry felt crushing relief and he watched the needle on Clay’s speedometer lower from a felony charge to a healthy speeding ticket.  “M’five minutes away, kitten. Stay put.”
“Okay,” her voice was quiet, sad but Harry didn’t mind.
“You’re okay?” He repeated. She nodded. He couldn’t see that though. “Cupcake?”
“I’m okay,” she promised, it was punctuated by a sniffle.
His heart felt so broken feeling the anguish in her voice. “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he whispered to the phone. “I wasn’t nice,” he mumbled.
“It’s hard,” she whispered. The remainder of his drive was silent. Just her sniffles and the hum of his tires on the road to accompany the small miles between them. Harry sprinted to her bakery door. She was there pacing the front and unlocked it as he approached. Harry dropped his phone right inside the entryway, the bell signaling his arrival, finally.
Within one second of crossing the threshold, she was in his arms. The door only clicked shut once he was around her. His face buried in her hair, his arms tightening around her like he was trying to keep her afloat in the middle of the ocean. “M’here,” he hummed. “M’here, Cupcake,” he promised. She squeezed her eyes shut, her heart finally slowing after so much anxiety had plagued her over the last couple of weeks.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know, baby, I know,” he assured her. “S’okay.”
“It’s so hard,” she repeated, herself from the phone call. Harry wished they were home. Even though it was late and private Harry wanted the comfort of her bed or his sofa to let her fall apart. The bakery was warm, but he wanted pillows for her head and blankets for her body to comfort her while she whispered secrets to him.
“I know, kitten. I know s’hard. But I... I adore you, Cupcake. Don’t y’know that? What do y’think all this is between us? I want t’meet your dad. He’s obviously a huge part of your life... and keeping secrets from me? S’not fair.”
“I know it’s not fair.”
“You know everything ‘bout me. S’like I don’t get t’know anything ‘bout you. Do y’think I’m suddenly not going to like you? I assure you that’s never going t’happen.”
“You don’t know that. You don’t know what I did.”
“What could you possibly have done? You’re made of sugar, Cupcake. You have to let me in. I told you everything. You know my family. You know my friends. You know why I bought Driven and why I have been fighting since I was ten years old. You have kept me out of everything. I don’t even know why you opened A Pinch of Sprinkles. I know you have a dad. You never talk about your mom. I don’t know about your childhood best friend or your favorite pet. There are these walls you keep up and I don’t know why, and I don’t know how to break them down.”
“You don’t eat cupcakes when you’re sad,” her jaw shakes as she pulls from him. The space between them feels worse than the last few weeks without her combined. It’s cold and lonely. More so than not speaking to her. More so than not sleeping beside her. His heart hurt instantly. But not as much as it hurt to watch her lower lip move almost independently of the rest of her face.
“Cupcake, what does that have t’do—”
But before he could finish his thought Harry could see it did have to do with what he just asked about. The way her eyes were shining with tears. It felt like someone clipped his vocal cords. All words escaped him, and he just stared at her as she continued. “You eat them at baby showers, weddings, and at birthday parties,” she listed. Harry stayed quiet. “You don’t eat them when your mom leaves when you’re six years old because it’s too much to be a mom,” her voice was so broken as she spoke. Harry felt her pain in the air. Like needles stabbing every inch of his exposed skin. It seemed impossible that someone wouldn’t want her. To willingly choose to leave her. Her mum no less. She was looking at her hands like they were going to give her the answer to a test she forgot to study for. “You don’t eat them at funerals or when you break your arm,” she continued. Harry wondered who had died and which arm she had broken and how. “You eat them when you get a good grade on your math test or on an anniversary.” Harry’s heart was breaking. He always wondered about the things she kept hidden in her personal life and she laid it out right there for him. In the one place that she probably loved more than anywhere else on earth. “You don’t eat them when you’re sick or sad. They’re for when you’re happy. You can’t be sad while eating sprinkles.”
It clicked effortlessly. Obviously. “A pinch of sprinkles,” he murmured softly. He crossed the space that separated them. Immediately, he cupped her cheeks in his hands, they felt cool compared to the warmth that emanated from her skin. Hot, frustrated tears started to spill over. He swiped at them with his thumbs below her eyes in tandem. He caught as many as he could but there was an overwhelming number of teardrops. It was impossible for him to keep them all from falling in rivers down her face.
She nodded. Her tears continued to spill over, rolling down her cheeks and sliding down his thumbs as he tried to stop them. “A pinch of sprinkles,” she repeated softly. She inhaled sharply. Turning against his hands holding her in place. A new wave of anguish crossed her face that Harry didn’t know could exist on someone’s face—especially not her perfect features. All the art museums he went to in university for his art history requirement made sense. The distortion of features on someone so beautiful was right before him. He understood. “You don’t eat cupcakes when your dad is in a car accident and becomes paralyzed from the neck down because you were too tired to drive even though you were the one that wanted to go to the drive-in and the only thing you can do is bring him to an entirely new town with a place to help him the way he deserves because it’s never going to be enough to thank him or repay him or—” the words were cut off by sobs that she could no longer control. Her heart was breaking right in front of him.
Harry knew how to fight. He knew how to stand with poise and grace that no one would expect a boxer to have. He knew how to throw punches that could knock a grown man out in one hit. The correct form to kick was ingrained in his mind from when he was ten years old.
Harry didn’t know how to begin to fight her sadness.
“Cupcake,” he whispered. She covered her mouth and the noise that came out of her body was so sad, so broken. Harry wondered how she could still be standing. Harry always thought he was pretty tough. That stubborn nature of his thought he was one of the toughest people in a room.
But he wasn’t. Not even close.
The pretty, sweet girl who was constantly covered in sugar and frosting—she was the strongest person he knew.
He couldn’t begin to imagine what she went through—how she still coped with it. It was a miracle she got in a car ever again. She was braver than he ever was or could be. “And he doesn’t hate me,” she whispered through her sobs. “My mom left him because of me. He is in a wheelchair and unable to live a normal life because of me.”
“Kitten,” he warned worried she would work herself up too much beyond his ability to help her. Harry was an idiot for making her feel this. He couldn’t leave well enough alone. If he only knew...
“Why doesn’t he just hate me?” She whimpered and Harry finally pulled her into his embrace. Her tears immediately soaked his shirt. She got snot all over him and Harry just kept her close to him he let her cry for longer than he ever wanted her to, but it felt good to hold her again. Regardless of the pain.
“How could anyone hate you, Cupcake?" he asked after a minute.
“I hate me,” she whispered. The question was rhetorical, but she responded anyway.
He kissed the top of her head. “If I had a kid like you... S’not anything I wouldn’t do for them. Your dad doesn’t regret that.”
“Of course he does,” she sniffled. “I couldn’t even take care of him.”
“It wasn’t your job, Cupcake.”
“But it was my faul—”
“Take me t’meet him,” he interrupted.
She blinked, confused. “What?”
“Take me to meet him. Y’go every week, yeah? Take me,” he asked. She felt so vulnerable. Her heart felt heavy.
“Meet him?” She whispered. Harry didn’t even comment that she repeated him again.
He nodded. “He saved your life for me, Cupcake. M’sure of it. S’least I could do t’meet him.”
Her heart felt something dangerously close to hope enveloping it. It was too good to be true. Her dream job, a cute apartment, a best friend, and the perfect guy. “You don’t hate me?”
He scoffed and buried his face in her neck. He missed her smell—vanilla and sugar (although he wasn’t sure that was truly her natural scent but merely from spending so much time in the kitchen). He missed her voice and the warmth he felt just holding her in his arms. “Christ, Kitten. Course not.”
“But I was so... awful. And I... I ruined his life. I'm cursed or something. I'll... I'll ruin your life too.”
"Sweetheart," he cooed. "Y'don't really believe that, do you?"
"I'm not a good luck charm, Harry."
"You are, Cupcake. You are the luckiest thing s'ever happened to me."
She looked at him miserably. "I've done nothing but made your life confusing and hell."
He pulled back a little so he could get a clearer look at her face. He smiled. The first genuine smile he felt in a week. “I can take a punch every now and again,” he promised. “Think Louis would say I could be knocked down a peg or two every once in a while,” he winked.
It wasn’t fixed. But she looked slightly less broken. She felt a little more whole. Harry’s smile did wonders for her.
*
The next day, Harry stood in the hall outside of the dining room. Other residents were in various activities, but her dad sat in his chair, slumped slightly, and he smiled at her entrance.
“Dad,” she said softly sitting across from him.
“Busy week you had it seems,” he smiled.
She blushed. “I know. I’m so sorry. I should have called. It was one thing after another—it’s no excuse I should have been here, and I was—”
“Honey,” he shook his head slightly, one of the few movements he retained from the crash. “You’re living a life. It’s okay.”
Her heart broke to see him in his chair. Unable to live the same kind of life.
“I... brought... something.”
“Something or someone?”
“How do you know?”
“I don’t see a cupcake box, so this must trouble,” he joked, smiling brightly.
“Harry is here. He wanted to meet you,” she explained.
“He wanted to? What about you?” He asked. She looked at him nervously. Her eyes said everything she didn’t say out loud. Her dad continued to smile. “Well, it’s about time, honey.”
She rolled her eyes and waved him over. Harry hurried, stepping right beside his wheelchair. Without hesitating, he grabbed her dad’s limp hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you sir,” he said shaking it firmly with both hands. When the handshake was through, Harry ever so gently placed his hand back on the arm rest of his chair.
Her dad smirked and winked at the sweet girl. “I’d offer you my seat, Harry, but I’m afraid I’m stuck in it.”
“Jesus Christ,” she covered her hand over her eyes.
Harry chuckled, taking the seat on the side of the table between them. “No problem, sir,” he assured him, taking the joke in stride. Adoration for them both squeezed around her heart. “Cupcake, do y’mind getting us some water?” She blinked in surprise. Normally, Harry wouldn’t let her lift a finger.
“Oh... um... sure,” she said and hurried off to find a nurse to help.
“Cupcake?” Her dad repeated.
“Yes, sir. She’s quite sweet like one,” he smiled gently. Her dad stared Harry down for a moment. Not maliciously. Just watching. Waiting. If they were in the ring, they would have been eyeing one another waiting for someone to make a move.
Her dad made the first one. “She said you wanted to meet me.”
Harry nodded. “I adore your daughter. With everything in me. M’going t’protect her every moment of every day. I wanted you t’hear that from me. I wanted you t’know that.”
“She can be a little feisty sometimes,” he warned, but the smile didn’t leave his face.
“M’aware,” he didn’t want to tell him about their stalemate over the last few weeks. That didn’t matter anymore and it wouldn't paint either of them in a good light.
“She said you have a big match coming up.”
He nodded. “Yes, sir. Biggest one of m’career.”
“Think you’ll win?” He asked.
Harry was confident. But he didn’t like to let his confidence overinflate his chances or make himself sound presumptuous. Anything could happen. But he was going to try his hardest and best. That would be good enough for him. “I believe so. I’ve worked hard for this. I want it more than most anything,” he promised.
“Most?” Just like his daughter, he caught the key word.
“Most,” he repeated. There was a significant pause as Harry considered his next thoughts. The words he didn’t want to explain but what he wanted her dad to know anyway. “Did she tell you about Jack?” Harry asked quietly.
The name didn’t ring a bell. He shook his head. “No. She doesn’t always tell me everything.”
Harry smiled sadly. “At least she’s consistent,” he murmured. “My manager Louis and I teach self-defense classes... she joined one several months ago,” he let another pause tell her dad the words he didn’t want to say. The story he probably shouldn’t be telling him in the first place. “M’confident she could protect herself. But m’hoping she won’t ever have to. M’going t’keep her safe,” he assured him. “I promise.”
He could only imagine the wave of emotions that took over his brain. Harry obviously wasn’t a father, but he didn’t need to be one to know he would murder someone for his daughter. Paralysis or not. “And you?” He asked quietly. Digesting the bit of information Harry alluded to.
“Me?” Harry repeated.
“Are you going to hurt her?”
“Never,” he assured him. “I’d... I’d take a bullet for her,” he promised.
“Speaking from experience, that might hurt her more than just letting her take the bullet,” he chuckled and winked. Harry snorted but nodded.
“Understood.”
She returned with three glasses of water and an extra long straw for her father. “You guys sharing war stories about me?”
“I was jus’ ‘bout t’tell him how you’re trying t’fatten me up with raspberry lemon filling,” Harry stood and held her chair out for her to sit.
“You are more than capable of saying no to cupcakes, Harry.”
“I beg to differ, honey. It’s a sin to say no to them,” her dad smiled. “A sin to say no to you,” he winked again.
*
Their reunion in Harry’s home was carnal to say the least. Harry missed being inside her. He wanted to fall asleep with her wrapped around his dick. Harry had spent many years of his teens taking care of his own sexual needs and yet somehow the weeks apart from her were worse than all those years combined.
Perhaps it was the noises she made. Begging Harry for a release. Her body craved his. It felt like a part of her had been missing for the duration of their silly stalemate. It may have only been a few weeks, but it was a few weeks without orgasms made possible by Harry’s mouth, fingers, and dick.
“I wanna stay inside you the rest of m’life,” he moaned into her ear in the middle of the night. They would both be tired in the morning. Louis would probably hate her (even though Harry assured her that was impossible) but it was worth it.
*
They started going over her self-defense moves again in between dinner and TV shows. Harry was encouraging. Making sure she followed the right move and not her instinct. Correcting her form and making sure she knew he would always be there for her. She told him more secrets that made Harry feel so whole.
She watched him train. Harry walked her to her car after falling asleep on the table in the bakery kitchen. They hadn’t spent a night apart since Harry met her dad. They fell asleep watching a movie or show nearly every night. Harry would simply lift her in his arms and carry her to the bedroom. She would coax him out of his slumber and snuggle up to him as they made it to a more comfortable position in bed.
That was the case one week prior to Harry’s big fight.
He had fallen asleep in her lap (after he had lazily brought her to orgasm with nothing more than stroking his finger messily around her clit. Simply because he could and thought her sleep shorts looked lonely without his hand inside them). Now he had an arm wrapped around her waist, face nuzzled against her T-shirt. “I love you, Cupcake,” he mumbled sleepily. She ignored it. Thought that maybe he was asleep because surely someone so big and strong—someone so scary yet boyish—couldn’t love her after all she put him through. No matter how good her mouth was on his dick. “Hear me, kitten?” He asked rolling to look up at her.
She smiled, blushing. “I heard you, thought you were sleeping.”
“Well, I love you in m’sleep, too,” he turned again, rubbing his nose against her shirt. She giggled, rubbing her fingers through his hair and massaging scalp. She was so enamored and so surprised she felt speechless. “So you’re supposed t’say it back,” he turned and looked up at her. “Unless...y’don’t feel the same way...or I said it too soon or something and it’s—”
“Oh no way,” she assured him. “I love you very much,” she laughed and brought her face down to his and kissed him.
*
The morning of his fight, they woke up early. Harry headed into the shower, and she followed right behind him. With a sleepy smile he enjoyed the feel of her mouth on him as he always did, gripping her hair in his hands while he thought about how a $100,000 would change his life and allow him to spoil her.
But after a healthy breakfast (and another blowjob from beneath the table while he ate because she simply thought he deserved a relaxed morning) there was no use denying it.
Harry was grumpy.
By the time they got to Driven, he snapped at her a few times (more than a few times) and she took it like a champ. In fact, she was planning on ignoring it entirely. It wasn’t his fault. Stress was natural on a day like today. His warmup wasn’t supposed to be heavy the day of a massive fight like this even though he tested Louis’ patience to no end.
“Again,” he snarled at Louis. Louis looked at her for support.
“Baby, you need—”
“I said, again. I know what m’doing,” he growled ignoring her.
Louis let him have one more round of practice. But it was Louis’ comments on his attitude that he found her around lunch time in his office setting up a light lunch from one of his favorite restaurants nearby. Tail between his legs. “M’sorry I snapped, kitten. S’jus’ the nerves.”
She smiled. “I know, baby. It’s okay.”
“S’not okay, though.”
She shook her head grinning at him. “I’ll yet at you later when you eat the frosting off my cupcakes.”
He nodded. “M’gonna hold you to that,” he promised.
“I know it’s silly to say. But don’t be nervous. You’re going to win, I can feel it,” she assured him and draped herself in his lap while he ate his carrot sticks.
“Course. M’good luck charm will be there,” he brushed his finger on her cheek.
“You know, I hate when you get hit. It's been my least favorite part of this whole experience.”
He shrugged. “So, I won’t get hit,” he smiled knowingly.
She laughed. “I don’t think I’m much of a good luck charm when you were already undefeated when I met you,” she reminded him.
He felt everything soften in him. The tenseness, the anger, and the frustration all disappeared. “Oh, kitten,” he shook his head. “You have been m’good luck charm for so much more than boxing matches.”
*
Louis was ready to explode with anger. Part of her wondered if he had ever followed through on his threats of getting in the ring to throw punches at Harry. She thought it might be cathartic for him. Before she can blink, the introductions are over. The sound of the bell chimes through the arena room.
Ding
Round one was over and she was holding her breath so she seriously considered the idea that she had blacked out and missed it. But Niall had murmured to her that he didn’t get hit once and she felt so proud, so excited. The kind of money Harry was going to win would do incredible things for his life. Maybe in addition to holding her breath, she had squeezed her eyes shut and turned to Niall.
His opponent was big, strong. He wasn't facing Harry because he wasn't good. It terrified to think the kind of damage an opponent like him could do to him.
“Looks like he forgot extra towels,” Niall murmured to her bringing her back to reality. She could see the irritation in Louis’ eyes and Harry holding his hands up with the gloves. How did y’expect me t’grab them? She could imagine him grumbling back only further irritating Harry. There was enough for the time being but she knew they would go through a stack of them in no time at all.
“I’ll get them,” she offered standing waving at him in some silent sign language neither discussed but Louis knew what it meant. He looked the slightest bit more relaxed by her standing. Part of her thought for the first time in their relationship he didn’t hate her. Even though Harry assured her repeatedly that he didn't. (He was utterly kind to her throughout the self-defense classes and when Harry reminded her of such, she alluded to the fact that she paid for that kindness.)
“Cupcake, you’re the best,” Niall squeezed the back of her arm as he stayed put. “Want me to come with you?” He asked.
“No, I got it,” she smiled. “I’m going to use the bathroom and hit the concession stand too. So, if I’m not back at the end of the next round I didn’t fall in the laundry basket,” she promised. Niall chuckled and waved her off.
After going to the bathroom and making her way back to the locker room, flashing her badge around her neck, she found the extra towels laid out. The noise was deafening—even from inside the locker room. She grabbed an armful's worth and made her way toward the entrance to the arena.
When she turned around, the last person she ever thought she’d see was waiting just inside the door. The volume behind him hadn’t changed. But she swore in that moment, the crowd, the bell, the thudding of her heart, everything got louder.
She knew he was trying to intimidate her just by standing there. There wasn’t a single person around. Everyone was in that arena. Her legs felt like lead, but she walked forward anyway. The towels in her arms provided extra space between them as she started to walk right past him. “Excuse me,” she muttered.
He’s just trying to intimidate me. She repeated to herself.
“Round two is about to begin!” She heard announced from behind the door followed by a delighted cheer.
It was nothing.
Jack was just trying to scare her. She hadn't done anything wrong.
All she needed to do was walk by him confidently. Then she would watch Harry win life-changing money. She was home free. Leaning into the door, the metal bar squeaking as it released the hold on the frame to let her through to the main room.
But at the last second, the towels fell from her arm in a heap as he grabbed her arm and yanked her away from the door. “I don’t think so.”
Round two was starting.
Ding.
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lollytea · 1 year
Note
Please, your finale Huntlow thoughts, my liege. We poor peasants beg of you, our bowls are empty and your tables full; if we might have but a crumb of your succulent meal to fill our bellies in these cold December nights.
ASGCDHBDJNK JESUS FUCKING CHRIST OKAY
I got a few asks about this but I guess I'll answer this one cuz it's phrased the funniest. I just wasn't too pressed about giving my Thoughts about finale Huntlow because I am fully a part of the Huntlow hivemind. Like I feel the way everyone else feels. I'm ecstatic, I'm delighted, I'm overwhelmed, I'm emotional, I'm so happy for them, I got everything I could have wanted. I won. We won.
(I HAVE TOO MANY PICS. I'LL RB WITH PART 2)
First of all this scene is so special to me, you have no idea.
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It isn't inherently romantic but it's still so sweet and shows how much these two care for each other. Here's Willow, who's spent the last special Atlasing and repressing and refusing to rely on anyone else. But then she had her breakdown in front of Hunter and he realized just how stressed and scared she's been this whole time. She's visibly anxious and upset here, likely worrying up a storm because she hasn't found her Dads yet. And Hunter is right here beside her. He's seen her meltdown, he's felt her pain, he's heard her cry. He knows that Willow is in a fragile state at the moment. He knows she's been holding in a lot. He knows she's scared. I love that he's not only standing by her side and helping her search, but holding her too. It could be that she vocally expressed how worried she was to him, or maybe he just saw it on her face, but he probably placed that hand on her back to comfort her, let her knows he's right here, grounding her. And Willow, who's still learning how to depend on others, is letting him.
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The way Hunter lights up when he sees Harvey and Gilbert, thrilled by how happy he knows she's going to be and his soft smile when he points them out to her. And then THIS!
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Like Hunter is devastated. He feels alone and out of place here. He really thinks he has nobody. But Willow being happy can still bring a smile to his face. He just loves her so much!!!
And I know I already talked about the grom photo but UGHH!!!
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I got a pic in better definition. I'm pretty sure this is Hunter's first grom. So likely a few months after the events of WAD. And it's so cute to think about Hunter and Willow very awkwardly but eagerly navigating a romantic relationship. I love how grabby and flirty Willow looks here, messing with his bowtie. She clearly LOVES the floral suit, thinking he's like the hottest man alive. She needs to smooch him and NOW. Or she's just like "Oh my, what a nice collarbone you have!!" Idk the ambiguity of what exactly Willow is doing here but the vibe and general intentions being very obvious is my favourite part of this pic. You can speculate for years on this. Oh and Hunter's face, I love it so much. His dumb little blush is like an old friend. He's fucking THRILLED that he's getting so much attention from her. He's very excited about where this is going. But he's also like. So nervous he's gonna pass out. But overall he's having the time of his life. Bi rights!
Also epilogue Huntlow....guys....guys epilogue Huntlow....are you guys still listening to me at this point?
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God I love this scene. Its so natural and smooth, giving the characters a chance to breathe and exist and providing a glimpse of how they go about their daily lives. It's soft and lighthearted but it establishes so much about where Willow and Hunter are currently at in their relationship. They've been dating for like....3 years at the very least. And they're clearly very happy together!!
The way Willow casually slides on to the scene, giving the impression that she's often dropped in on him while he's working. And why wouldn't she? That's her sweetheart. What if she requires emergency smooches? What then? And of course, there's Hunter beaming at the sight of her. Seems he never gets tired of his girlfriend stopping by to visit. Or maybe he's sick to death of Willow the menace showing up to distract him while he's trying to work and he's just excited about the prospect of Luz's party. Either way, it's an adorable expression.
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Something else I love about epilogue Huntlow is how equally distributed the affection is between both of them. Back when FTF dropped I gushed about how sweet it was to see Hunter taking initiative with Willow and the significance of something as simple pressing his backhand against hers during the pinky hold. And God, this sequence here says it all. From what I can tell, as Hunter runs towards her, they both reached out at the same time and linked hands immediately, implying that holding hands has become the automatic gesture for them whenever they meet up. They're in love, you're honor.
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I love the huge carefree grins as they skate down the hill (still holding hands). They might have grown a lot since we last saw them but they're still young adults, they still love to have fun doing dumb reckless stuff. And even better, they love to have fun doing dumb reckless stuff together. All the handholding and fluffy cuteness is wonderful but I also love knowing that they seem to genuinely enjoy just hanging out and spending their youth with each other. Zeno was right, they ARE besties. Who knows how much shit Hunter and Willow get up to together? Being a pair of thrill seeking athletes, it's probably a lot.
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This part is just so silly and ridiculous. After they go stumbling, Willow's first instinct is to grab Hunter and hold on for dear life. Her intense scrunched up expression is just so funny. "I will protect you, my love. No big dumb hill is going to harm a hair on your pretty head. Your girl is here." And Hunter barely acknowledging it (it probably happens a lot) because his life is currently flashing before his eyes. GOD they're just such nerds.
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Oh and this frame is just SO adorable. The way Willow's hold on him lingers for a moment before he walks towards the grave, Hunter's heart eyes. They're clearly still so soft and touchy with each other. And this is after three years. I know they were insufferable when they started dating as teens.
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wandamaximoffsbadgirl · 3 months
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autistic reader x mommy wanda where reader has a meltdown about something (your choice) and wanda has been with us long enough to know how to deal with it, but still gets shaken up every time it happens
Mommy!Wanda Maximoff x Autistic!fem!reader
Summary: It's been a long day and Wanda asking you about dinner is the final straw
Word count: 666
Warnings: reader has a meltdown, stims (rocking)
Authors notes: So I am autistic and wrote this from experience of my own meltdowns, which even when I'm done with the meltdown, the feelings linger and stick with me for a bit.
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The day had been long and exhausting, the kind of day where every social interaction felt like walking through quicksand. You had been masking all day, trying to keep up with the expected social norms, and now you were home with Wanda, your safe haven. You were hoping to finally relax and be yourself without the weight of expectations.
When Wanda asked, "What do you want for dinner, lyubov?" It was the last straw. It was too much for you to process at the moment. Your chest tightened, and you could feel the meltdown coming. You started to cry, unable to hold it back any longer. The familiar sensation washes over you: the need to stim, the overwhelming emotions, the feeling of being out of control.
Wanda, as always, was right there by your side. She guided you gently to a more comfortable spot, her hands cold and reassuring, you could feel each ring on her fingers. She spoke softly, her voice a constant, soothing presence, even though she was inwardly panicking. She hated seeing you like this, feeling helpless because she couldn't just make it all stop.
"It's okay, moya lyubov," Wanda whispered, using the nickname she always did when you needed comfort. "I'm here with you.”
You rocked back and forth, stimming to help regulate the chaos inside your mind. Wanda stayed close, letting you cry and release the pent-up tension. She wished she could do more, wished she had the power to take away your pain completely. But she knew that just being there, just letting you be yourself, was what you needed most.
After a while, the storm inside you began to calm. The tears slowed, and your breathing became more even. Wanda continued to hold you, her presence a steady anchor in the aftermath of the meltdown.
"I'm sorry," you whispered, feeling the lingering weight of guilt.
"Don't be sorry, Lyubov," Wanda said gently. "You never have to apologize for being who you are. I love you, all of you, and I'm here to support you."
Her words were like a balm to your weary soul. You leaned into her, feeling her warmth and love. It had been a rough day, but with Wanda by your side, you knew you could face whatever challenges came your way.
"Can I just have dino nuggets?" you asked with a sniffle, staring at the floor. The question felt small and safe, something familiar amidst the chaos.
Wanda smiled softly, relieved to hear you voice your preference. "Of course, lyubov. Dino nuggets it is."
She gently squeezed your hand before getting up to head to the kitchen. The sound of her moving around, opening cabinets and starting the oven, was comforting. It was a reminder of the routine and normalcy you both cherished.
You took a few deep breaths, grounding yourself with the familiar sounds and smells. The kitchen light cast a warm glow, and you could hear Wanda humming softly as she prepared the nuggets. It was a song she often hummed, one that always made you feel at ease.
After a few minutes, Wanda came back with a plate of dino nuggets, setting it down in front of you. "Here you go, lyubov," she said, her voice filled with love and concern. "Take your time, okay?”
You nodded, taking a nugget and biting into it. The taste was exactly what you needed, simple and comforting. Wanda sat beside you, her presence steady and reassuring. She didn't press you to talk, just stayed close, letting you know she was there.
As you ate, the tension slowly eased, replaced by a sense of calm. You were grateful for Wanda, for her understanding and patience. Even though she couldn't take away all your struggles, she made them more bearable just by being there.
When you finished, you leaned into her, feeling the warmth of her embrace. "Thank you," you whispered.
Wanda kissed the top of your head. "Always, Lyubov. I'm here for you, no matter what.”
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fuzzymakercloudduck · 3 months
Text
Paige Bueckers x reader
Fluff! Comfort!
I’m sad, wrote this out of the fact I needed it
This is so self indulgent btw
Dusk till Dawn
I have come very far in my career for a twenty two year old, I knew that, but there is a twinkling feeling that chases me for so long, a feeling of failure as if I will never be good enough, it’s exhausting having to fight your brain in a endless battle day to day.
Through the years it got easier, I have found friends that were there for me, my family, my job which I love, and then Paige who has become my sunlight. But sometimes the things I went through, the mental stress I was once caged in comes backs crumbling the steps I took so far.
And it was exactly what was happening right now, an overwhelming takeover of anxiety, I have been overworking myself lately, the fear that I will be a failure knocking down my walls, trying to drive properly as tears blur my vision was not a easy task when I literally couldn’t even breath.
For some miracle I get to the building safely, but I just couldn’t push myself to even get my belt off, I sit in the car and just fall apart, remembering everything, the times in my teenage years I wished I were gone for good, and I know it wasn’t right but I got myself wondering if I done enough to deserve to have lived, if I suffered enough to deserve to have happiness, to deserve Paige, to deserve anything good that I got.
I dry my tears and try to look put together as I bring myself up to Paige’s dorm, hoping the other girls weren’t there so they wouldn’t see me in this state, I just needed to be in my girlfriends arms.
Thankfully once I open the door, the living room was empty so I was able to just go straight to Paige’s room.
Once I standing in front of her door I take a deep breath before knocking.
“Baby, it’s me” I noticed my voice being raspy because of the meltdown I had so I try to cough discreetly as I hear Paige opening the door.
“What happened?” Her face is of immediate concern as she look my face up and down, I was stupid to think I could just pretend everything was fine, at least to the one who knew me the most, and that realization instantly made me have new found tears streaming down my face as I let out a sob, the feeling of stupidity filled my whole body as I hide my face in my hands, right away I felt Paige’s arms around me pulling me in as she closes the door behind my back, her smell sinking me in.
“shh, it’s okay, I’m right here” I feel her guiding me to her bed as she sit us both down, her words made me melt into her embrace then my tears came for real, it felt like hours of simply crying and sobbing as Paige’s hand went up and down my back soothing me down, she kept silence, knowing me well enough to know I need to formulate my feelings before anything else.
“I’m right here for you baby, d’ya wanna talk about it?” her voice was low as she kissed the side of my head. I take a deep breath as I hold tight onto her before saying anything.
“I just felt so overwhelmed lately, with work and within myself really” I let out a sob before continuing, “it makes me so anxious that those feelings I felt when I was in the deepest stage of my depression will just come knocking down everything I’ve done, all the way I crossed, I’m just scared” I finish and feel her arms falling from around me to now her hands holding mine as she look in my eyes.
“You have no idea of how strong you are, and I understand is so scary to know you ever felt that way, but the difference is that you were dealing with all that all by yourself, you don’t have to do it anymore, whenever you feel like you lost just remember I am right here with you, as well as so other people that love you, you’re not alone anymore, and you’ve come so more far than you even realize.” Paige whips the tears that spill out of my eyes as second nature and then pull me into her chest laying both of us down, suddenly all the unsafely mindset evaporate, being drowned out by the comfort of the person that loves me.
“And I need you to promise me that you will always talk with me when you feel like this, ok?” She look in my eyes as she say this, Paige was one of the only people that I shared my past history with mental health medicine and the darkest side of my depression. “Doesn’t matter where or when, the moment you need it I am right here, you do not need to be strong alone, I love you”
“I love you Paige” my eyes were so heavy because of the tears,I knew this would be a bigger conversation in the morning but for now I really needed to drift in sleep in her arms, my safe space, my home. “Thank you for just being you” she held my tightly as she grabbed the blankets to throw over us once she realized my eyes closed.
“I’m here from dusk till dawn” I feel a kiss pressed to my forehead right before I stumble in sleep.
*NOT PROOFREAD, ALSO ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE SO DO NOT COME FOR ME
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angelatsumu · 7 months
Text
simon as your allistic husband
hello friends, i am autistic and i wanted a little allistic husband for my own comfort. this may be slightly unrelatable because autism is a spectrum and autistic people experience overwhelm and meltdowns differently. here is my interpretation of my experience (a very small picture of it).
cw: none, autistic reader x allistic!husband!simon riley<3, johnny is a bit overwhelming, overstimulating stimuli + potential meltdown
simon had always been your self-proclaimed protector. he was like a devotee the way he watched you, always keeping an eye on your mannerisms and responses. simon was on his knees before you with just one beck and call, and you knew this to be true in your heart of hearts. your lover, your beautiful simon, was privy to your disability and the way it could render you helpless with no regard for your plans for the day. in an effort to be an “adult”, you might overwork yourself directly into overstimulation or autistic burnout. if you had tried to mask well past your limits in social situations, you found yourself stimming in secretive but painful ways, and perhaps even losing all social awareness as a whole. you constantly cursed yourself for not getting a service dog to help you through these scenarios, but why would you when simon was at your side so quickly? simon knew you like the back of his hand, easily detecting the signs fo your withdrawal or teetering on the edge of insanity. Simon was so equipped to care for you, constantly studying your fidgeting and tone in any situation.
tonight was no different. Simon had asked if you felt comfortable with a small gathering of the Task Force after a bit of time apart, and you willfully agreed. you thoguht you’d checked all of the boxes to prepare yourself for the evening; you’d rested all day, gathered your stim toys and fidget rings, remembered to drink water (with several small reminders from simon), and you even ate an appropriate amount of foods to fuel you for social interaction. Simon was sure to allow you time to indulge your special interests and give you space without overwhelming stimuli. you’d felt pretty equipped for the night, especially since simon had ordered your comfort foods and even prepared a special nook incase you felt a bit overwhelmed. with earplugs in ears and a comfort outfit, you felt far more prepared with the help of your understanding lover. the overwhelming dread that usually accompanied social gatherings seemed to melt away with your anchor who was more than helpful in refilling your cup and taking care of you.
just as everyone was arriving, Simon was sure to dim the lights in the bedroom and set aside a bottle of water with your favorite stims to allow you a safe place. He hated to assume that you might approach metldown territory, but he’d learned that preparing for it is far better for you than simply hoping for the best. He’d taken the liberty of safety proofing the room, giving you a sensory swing and a cushioned corner to prevent you from harming yourself if the meltdown is to worsen beyond his control or interventions. He hummed as he made easy work of it, being sure to charge your headphones and queuing up a playlist you adored to allow you less work during a time of distress. goodness, he loved you so much. he loved doing this gentle and domestic work for you, and he loved the safety that came from his efforts.
it’s now well into the get-together, and Simon has you nestled into his chest. you find the smell of him grounding, and the compression of his arms squeezing around your torso makes you feel safe and comforted. your ears began to sting at the constant and overwhelming timbre of Johnny and Gaz’s bickering, seemingly infiltrating your brain and sowing seeds of hate. you’d tried to fidget with Simon’s dogtags or the hem of his shirt, but the constant booming of their voices had begun to sink its teeth into you. Simon was never loud, and he certainly never yelled in your vicinity without warning. your chest felt tight as you began to feel your clothes rubbing wrongly against your skin every time Simon had a hearty laugh at his coworkers. you squirmed in an attempt to regulate yourself, to move the painful energy you’d been harboring since your nervous system began to fray. the interaction was tiring, draining you of all your humanity as you had to pretend to be interested in the topic of conversation. your breathing shallowed, breaths quick and uneven as you tried your hardest to stave off the boiling under your skin. suddenly Simon’s skin against yours felt wrong, like your nerves were set aflame and stealing the little reserves of normality you’d been clinging to. you didn’t want this happen, you never did. you’d spend every waking moment post-meltdown crying and begging the skies above to “fix” you, to make you less susceptible to these painful experiences. you didn’t want to feel lie this anymore, to hurt anymore.
Simon feels the shift in energy, having stealthily been observing your descent into uncharted territory. he knows where your mind space is, knows that your mind is ricking you into believing you’re too much and that things were easier without you. the way you slightly fled his touch led him to slowly and sneakily withdraw his arms from you, placing them behind his head to allow you to be freed from his grasp. he relishes in the sigh you let out, the way you teeth latch onto his shirt and begin to chew away to calm the nerves. Simon calmly reaches to his right where your spare ear defenders are tucked away, and he slowly slides them over your head. he makes quick work of tying back your hair to lessen the amount of stimuli you had to process. your lover lessens his own chatter, reducing himself to careful nods and short sentences or small laughs to allow you a full realm of recovery. he gives you two taps to your back, a silent inquiry to your current state. you respond with a head shake, signaling that you were far beyond your capacity. simon could tell that your thoughts were being unkind to you, but he was certain he could help you through this difficult period. “they alright,” Price asks, eyes kind as they fall on your frame in Simon’s grasp. the men knew you were autistic, and they were more than supportive to you. Simon sighs, eye soft as he looked at the men and back at you. “Yeah, i think they're just pushing toward overload. ‘m gonna take them to the room, let them get this out,” Simon hums softly, timbre of his voice lowered to create less strain. He gives you another silent tap as a request to carry to your bed, and you nod softly against his chest. his chest dims the lighting of your living room, lessening the stimuli you’ve been taking in. Simon scoops you into his arms and carries you to your bedroom where he gently sits you on your bed. the lights have been dimmed, and Simon slides your weighted blanket closer to you. “Blanket’s here love. ‘M gonna let you have some space, but i’ll be back to check on you soon. ‘M so sorry this happened lovie, but I love you. You’re safe. I am not angry with you, and you’re allowed to feel these things,” He comforts you, placing your stims within reach as your eyes fix on the floor in front of you. He knows words have left you, and he hums before leaving the room to allow you time to process.
thank you for reading! if this experience does not feel very cloe to yours, please feel free to send a request with a different scenario of autism reader x allistic simon <3
266 notes · View notes
icarustypicalfall · 1 year
Text
REQUESTED!!
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Cod boys reaction to reader having a meltdown\overstimulation of adhd\autism.
warnings: sfw, pure fluff. mentions of stress, anxiety, pet names, no y/n only you.
word count: 1k
cod boys x gn! reader
NOTES
thanks anon to this beautiful request <3
note that i myself don't have adhd or autism, everything is purely fictional and the signs, triggers and solutions I picked were mostly from Google. I apologize if it's not accurate, I'm open to learning more and It's okay to tell me if need to change something ❤️
i feel like i forgot someone, if i need to add anyone tell me!!
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Phillip Graves
He knows about your ADHD\Autism case. He knows how to deal with it and surprisingly very good at it. You and him were at his base. He had an arm around your waist while he chatted with a large group of Shadows. Big old men who decided it's cool to chat all at once and  the same time. When Graves noticed how your muscles became tense, your breath shallow. He escorted you out of the group to his office. He helped you calm down and apologized for the behavior of his soldiers.
"m sorry darlin'.. breath deeply alright? "
John price
He was oblivious since he couldn't talk to every soldier and get to know them. Although, he tried his best for you and searched for informations with the help of Gaz.
You and him were sitting one night after a rough Mission, you had to dive in for intel in a pretty old mansion. The smells were intense and by the time you were back, you were feeling sick. Price was smoking his famous cigar beside you. He noticed your discomfort and dissiness and rapidly threw the thing away, apologizing for forgetting and helping you calm down.
"i apologize, love, lil old me forgets sometimes"
Simon Ghost Riley
You and him had to go undercover in a party to find your target. The party was extremely crowded, with loads of people chattering and laughing. By the time the other soldiers got the target. You were in a corner, trying to focus on your breath and calm yourself. Simon was by your side, squeezing your shoulder and keeping you away from the crowd.
"i have a joke love"
Kyle Gaz Garrick
He had many friends with the same case, he knew about it. Gaz himself got overwhelmed sometimes and he knew what it felt like. He noticed your discomfort after putting on the rough new uniform. He helped you cut the tag and make the material softer, less irritating to your skin.
"it's alright, you know, they should've kept the old uniform, but hey, at least this one is bad ass"
Johnny Soap Mactavish
You are a civilian. Not used to the weapons and it's noise like him. You were keeping him company in the shooting range. The repetitive sounds made you irritated. You rapidly became upset, covering your ears and shutting your eyes.
Soap noticed, and felt bad for making you uncomfortable. He took you for a walk outside the base, showing you the pretty forest and the dogs outside.
"see, 'm not dump lass\lad, i know how you feel"
Alejandro Vargas
You and him were having a brunch in a cafe. A construction zone was nearby. You could barely focus on the conversation, you had a high sensitiviness to the noise that made your brain fog. Alejandro felt bad for not realizing sooner and took you to another Cafe, you two had a lovely day that made you forget the morning's incident.
"I've never been with someone as interesting as you are, amor, you're a perfect piece of art"
Rudy Parra
Rudy noticed how overwhelmed you were because of your assignments. You were dealing with your laptop for several hours which made you tired. By the time you ended, you had a headache.
He reassured you, run a bath with essential oils for you, put a calm playlist and let you relax. He whispered sweet nothings in your ear and stroked your hair.
"you're so smart, mi cielo, i admire you. you did great today.. you deserve some rest"
König
He hated your boss for always making you breathless with work, stressing on daily basis. When he brought you lunch at work one day and saw you having a meltdown in your office. he helped you calm down, comforting you and patting your back.
for your boss, let's say he wasn't bugging on your back anymore after a 6'10 military man threatened to snap him in half if he made you stressed again.
"mein Engel, don't feel ashamed, it's not your fault and it's totally okay"
Horangi
He took you to a concert during his time off. He noticed your discomfort even with the ear pieces. He walked out with you and kept a hand around your shoulder for comfort and support. You and him sat outside the gig, you could still hear the music and enjoy the concert away from the crowd and loud noise.
"well.. i think i like this spot more.. with only you and me"
Alex
He knew how stressing your work is, being the assistant of a famous stylist made you stick with her everywhere. The flashing lights of cameras and the big crowds of people wanting to see her were too much for you. When you reached your house, you could smell your favorite food being cooked. Alex in a pink apron hugged you, telling you how good you did today and how you should think about quitting if you feel really bad. You eventually found a better job that didn't trigger you and made you more relaxed and happy.
"it's not late to change, love, you deserve the best"
Roach
You and him were attending a wedding of a friend. people made you feel uneasy with the stares. The loud music, the lights and sudden fireworks were too much for you. He was concerned about you when you started to breath shallowly. He insisted on leaving early and took you for a walk in the calm city. You eventually felt better. He knew how he should act and was extremely attentive and caring.
"you know, i think the moon is pretty tonight"
Keegan
He noticed you were stressed for several days, overwhelming yourself with many tasks and chores. He brought you some water, wrapping you in a weighted blanket and keeping you in a calm spot. He finished the chores for you. Smiling as you tried to wiggle from the burito like wrap to eventually give up, thanking him.
"what, you look like a huge burrito, so fluffy"
(the last line was so cheesy 😭)
little reminder that it's alright to have those meltdowns, you are a human and you have the right to feel this way. Don't blame yourself for anything. Focus on yourself and love yourself 🫶🏻
338 notes · View notes
the-milk-monarch · 10 months
Note
hello hello! I really like your writing! can I request a Mal x autistic reader but all good if not. Have a nice day/night!
☣︎ omg yes I wanted to write sth similar but I felt like it'd be too self-serving lmao I hope you don't mind I added Mike in there as well
[𝙰𝚄𝚃𝙸𝚂𝚃𝙸𝙲 𝚂/𝙾]
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Summary: Mal pretends to be Mike but Reader picks up on it. After the reveal, Reader has to spent a cold night out with Mal as a challenge + dating headcanons.
☢︎ | Total Drama | 6k words | gender-neutral reader ♡ | Mal | Mike ⚠ | Mal being an ass, reader having a meltdown
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[𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎]
Ever since you joined the Total Drama show, you knew you had to get an ally if you were to win.
Your social skills weren't the best, but you had your good problem solving skills to make up for that. At least you hoped so.
You were a little anxious while interacting with other contestants, hoping they wouldn't notice your a bit different approach to conversations.
But there was one boy who didn't seem to mind your awkwardness. On the contrary, he was a bit awkward as well, which filled you with adoration.
Mike was always so kind and respectful you never felt anxious around him, even with your quirky way of speaking.
Or the fact that you avoided eye contact while you spoke.
And when you cringed at yourself whenever you tripped on the flat ground, he didn't think of you any less, he was just worried whether you hurt yourself or not.
You could say you caught a small crush on Mike because of how comfortable you felt with him, but you knew he was interested in Zoey.
Although you were unsure about some small gestures received from him. "Was he just nice or is it his interest?" played in your head, although your mind told you to assume the worst and not hype yourself up.
That didn't stop you from simping from afar though.
What you loved the most about Mike was his willingness to listen to you ramble about your special interest.
You were really worried about being annoying around other people, knowing you might get a bit too excited the stuff you like and it'd be "inappropriate".
But Mike seemed to be into it, asking follow up questions and overall being engaged with you talking.
Your trust towards Mike was put to a test once you got a bit too overwhelmed in the middle of a challenge.
This particular day you seemed to have extra clumsy coordination which pissed you off a little, as it was important for you to win this time, given how strict the criteria for losing were this time.
"God, I have enough-" You desperately and a bit irritated announced while trying to tie a knot.
The challenge Chris McLean decided to do today was a scout obstacle course. Each person had to partner up with someone and do some scout activities, which included tying knots into various shapes shown on the picture.
The rope fell out of your hands for the 5th time while you were almost done with it and it made you forcibly exhale in irritation.
Mike had just finished his part of the activity and he noticed you had some troubles.
"Um, what is it?" He asked carefully, looking at your closed off body language.
"My hands don't listen to me and I can't tie these damn knots-" You tried not to make a scene, hating how much a simple, stupid task made you upset.
Your breathing got slightly heavier as you tried to suppress your rising emotions. You knew you had the right to express it, but not now. Not in front of Mike.
You took a step back from the ropes laying on the ground helplessly and given up, wanting to get some space from the irritating item.
Mike had noticed your change of attitude and immediately sensed you were losing it a bit.
"Hey, it's fine- I'll do your part." He suggested quickly, hoping to give some reassurance. "I-it's just ropes, right? We can still win!"
You felt a bit silly but you had no power to complete the task. You meekly nodded.
You stood there, just looking at his hard work until he finished.
"Okay, let's go!" Mike announced as he was done with your both parts.
At the end of the day, you and Mike managed to avoid elimination and after the challenge ended, you had some alone time to yourself.
Once you had a chance to be alone for a second, you quickly escaped the large crowd of people, wanting to get some space after such tiring situation.
You were chilling on a bench until you noticed a familiar face appearing on your radar.
Mike had managed to find you.
You quickly changed your way of cross legged sitting on a bench due to fear of being perceived as weird, even though you knew Mike probably wouldn't bat an eye on that.
You politely smiled as he approached you.
"Hey, there you are-" Mike reciprocated your smile a bit nervously.
"I hope I'm not disturbing you, but I noticed you kind of- disappeared from the rest earlier, did something happen? Are you alright?" He asked with worry on his face which made you soften your expression. Did he really care about your wellbeing so much he came after you?
"No, no, you're not disturbing-" You said, halfly honest. You wanted some time alone for yourself, but you couldn't say you didn't appreciate him coming here.
He came up to the bench you were sitting on and sat beside you, keeping a respectful distance.
You didn't even notice when you started slightly bouncing your leg as you spoke.
To a keen eye (or even not so) it was clear that even though your face was calm, you had some bottled stress inside.
Mike was mindful enough to notice it, so he proceeded carefully.
"So- you're fine, just wanted to- chill out alone for a second?" Mike gently asked, looking at your face, even though your eyes avoided his.
"Yeah. You know, people overwhelm me a bit sometimes-" You admitted a bit bluntly.
"Oh, yeah, it's fine, I get what you mean-" He assured you with a smile. But then his smile faltered a little in worry.
"Wait, since you wanted to be alone, aren't I a bother?" He asked again, ready to stop bugging you in case it wasn't welcomed.
You softly smiled at his politeness.
"No, I said you're not a bother. I don't mind you being here, and- I like that you came here, actually." You admitted with a bit awkward and coy smile. You weren't used to speaking your mind freely like that, in case something came out wrong, but you concluded your response was acceptable.
Mike grinned bashfully as he remembered your previous words.
"Right, right, sorry heh." He scratched his neck as he showed a toothy grin.
"So..." He started after a few seconds.
"Tell me if I'm crossing any boundaries here, but I felt like there was some shift from you since that, um, knot situation." He carefully said. "...Are you- mad at me? Did I do something?"
You cringed internally at yourself.
"Oh, eh- no-" You quickly chimed in. "No, I'm sorry if I came off that way-"
"I just got a bit overwhelmed because I'm so clumsy- But I'm alright now." You assured him with a half smile while your leg continued to bounce. Until you noticed the movement and promptly stopped.
Mike had noticed all of your quirks but never commented on them.
"Hey, it's alright- I didn't mind helping you." He gave you a warm and a calm smile.
You waited a bit before thinking about saying something.
"I- I dunno if you know what a 'meltdown' is...?" You carefully started. You never explicitly stated you're autistic, nor you wanted people to treat you like a child whenever they found out, but you trusted Mike wouldn't do that.
Mike blinked once before tilting his head slightly.
"A meltdown... Uh..." He looked at the ground, trying to think about it.
You explained before he could say anything else, saving him from an awkward silence.
"It's an autism thing, I just kinda shut off for a moment there. I know it's not really useful in a competition." You bluntly admitted, waiting for his reaction.
Mike then seemed to get the idea "Oh, right! Yeah, yeah I know what is it." He nodded to emphasize.
"You- You don't have to worry about that! I know how it is to get overwhelmed sometimes-" He chuckled nervously.
"Just so you know, it doesn't change anything." He showed yet another reassuring smile which made the corners of your lips move up as well. "I'll help you whenever you need it!"
"...Thanks." You hoped the shine in your bashful eyes didn't expose your feelings too much.
["𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎"]
After several days on the island, you noticed something changed. Mike seemed off to you.
Others didn't seem to notice, but your eyes caught some discrepancies in the way Mike acted.
His whole demeanor changed in an uncanny way.
You were used to being very chatty around him due to his always reciprocative stance, but recently Mike started to seem annoyed.
Worries flared up immediately once you noticed he might get bored of your ramblings, so you decided to ask him about it.
"Hey, uh, Mike? Can I ask you a question?" You tried to casually introduce the topic.
"Hm? Yeah, sure. Go on." He answered with fake investment in his voice, smiling.
"Am I talking too much? You can tell me to stop if you got bored or something-" You awkwardly informed him, hoping you weren't a bother after all, waiting for the confirmation.
He stopped for a moment, showing an unsure but cheery smile.
"Oh, no, no- Of course I love listening to you- But I'm just a bit tired today, so maybe you could tone it down a little today?" He tried to be as gentle as ever while shutting you up.
He wasn't very disrespectful but it kind of hurt you. Even though you knew he had the full right to politely ask you to stop, you thought he enjoyed the discussions with you.
You tried once again a few times, but all you were met with was subtly seeping annoyance from his responses.
"Oh my, that's interesting- But tell me, do you have anything else to talk about?" He asked while smiling and pretending to be invested.
"Uh- yeah. If you want I can-"
"Cool. Then talk about something else." He abruptly cut you off.
So with time you slowly shut up with the ramblings, which Mike seemed to be happy about.
You couldn't believe he just changed like that, as if it wasn't him. But you also felt like you had any right to force him into listening to you.
The changes in his behavior didn't stop at that, as you also noticed some remarks coming his way, which you had trouble deciding whether it was sarcasm or not.
He also seemed to get a bit more demanding, not being as keen to help you with things now.
You didn't take Mike's kindness for granted of course, but you knew something changed.
You had a bad feeling.
Your logical thinking made you come up with theories on what happened.
You knew about Mike's D.I.D. and wondered if it was maybe someone else. But you also knew Mike's alters well enough to know it wasn't any of the ones you were acquainted with.
Only thing that stopped you from outright asking him about it was your common decency. It would be rude to just assume.
So you decided to test something.
You once again started your favorite topic, one that Mike had a lot of questions and discussion about while he still acted like himself.
"Hey, Mike, I recently thought about that one tv show we talked about recently and I forgot to tell you some trivia. Wanna listen to the facts about [character] or [character2]?" You asked with halfly casual tone, wanting to check his reaction. You mentioned Mike's favorite action movie, so you believed he would reply with some enthusiast about it.
"Wow- um- Yeah, [character2] sounds good." He responded with pretended interest but you caught some annoyance from him, "per usual".
"...I thought you didn't like [character2]?" You asked a tricky question. The character in question was his favorite one. At least Mike's favorite. You purposefully asked an untrue question.
"Eh- I mean- Hate-listening is a thing, right?" He tried to get out of the hole he fell in due to not listening previously to you. His attempts at trying to be casual were obvious to you now.
You stopped for a moment to look him briefly in the eyes.
"Actually, you mentioned [character2] being your favorite." You tilted your head and raised your brow a bit accusatory.
He looked to the side, as if caught in a lie, but still tried to save face.
"Well tastes change, don't they?" He crossed his arms in a bit of annoyance because of you poking holes in his story.
"That's really rude of you." He furrowed his brows in slight irritation as his patience was running out.
That was it, you knew Mike wouldnt' just tell you that! Or, at least you hoped you were right about it.
You took a leap of faith as you also crossed your arms in a defensive state, staring at him.
"You're not Mike are you?" You asked bluntly.
He got a bit surprised at your boldness.
"What?" He chuckled a bit patronizingly, as if you said something stupid. "Of course I'm Mike. Why do you say that?"
"Well- I didn't wanna assume, but looking at your behavior recently I noticed you got a lot less enthusiastic about spending time with me. So obviously something's up." You concluded, still sticking to your belief. You hoped you weren't wrong.
"God you have to overthink everything, do you?" His tone changed to a slightly deeper one.
You noticed him gracefully swish his hair in a way which made his bangs cover his eye.
"Are you usually this annoying? How did Mike even managed to deal with you?" He expressed his thoughts freely now while you were under his judging eye.
Your eyes widened a little - you were right, it wasn't Mike.
"Wow, okay- Who are you then?" You asked now without any restriction.
"I'm Mal." He responded with arrogance.
"And if you tell anyone I'm not that nerdy freak, you're done." He added with an undertone of threat.
"Hey, what's with that hostility?" You tilted your head and asked a bit bluntly but still remaining polite.
"I am simply direct. I don't have the time or patience to deal with any of your foolish questions." Mal's cold and serious persona was quite intimidating, but you managed to stay calm.
"Okay- I'm direct too, but I don't have to threat you while at it." You pointed out calmly.
"I'm not threatening you. I'm simply telling you what will happen if you reveal my true self to anyone else." Mal's words echoed a threat without any hesitation.
You sighed, sensing some mixed messages from him. "Alright- Uh, so- Why don't you want me to tell others you're not Mike?"
"It's not your business." Mal's face displayed no change in expression, still remaining as firm and strict as ever.
You waited a bit before shrugging. "...Fair enough."
Mal stared at you, showing no reaction whatsoever. "Anything else?"
"Uh- Since you're obviously not Mike, why don't we start again?" You tried to make something out of this unusual situation.
Mal raised his brow skeptically, trying to sense your intentions with that question.
"And what do you mean by that?" Mal's demeanor stayed unchanged, keeping a sharp and indifferent look on his face.
"Like- I know nothing about you, but- I'm opened to still hold an alliance, you know?" You shrugged, hoping he'll agree.
"I'm not looking for any kind of alliance with you." Mal's words sounded harsh and blunt. He never cared for any relationships, especially with people he doesn't even know.
"Okay, harsh." You bluntly put it, a bit awkward he wasn't keen on it. "But- uh, why not?"
"Because there will never be any mutual benefits here." Mal's statement was short and concise, showing no further interest in their current conversation.
"Uh- How so?" You continued.
"You have nothing worthwhile to offer me. No one else has anything worthwhile to offer me either. It's why I'm alone." Mal's words sounded as cold and harsh as ever, as if you weren't even there.
"…Isn't it a bit lonely?" You didn't wanna push the matter further, but without Mike or anyone else in an alliance, you felt lonely yourself. That's why you tried to save the situation you had before.
Mal stayed silent for a bit. "Lonely? Yes. Do I care? No." Mal's face showed no visible change of expression, staying as cold as ever.
"It doesn't matter to me if I'm alone. I can survive on my own, I don't need any friends. I never have and never will."
Your face showed a bit of concern as well as mixed emotions.
It was hard to get to him, but you still had some hopes.
"Well- I'm not saying you need them, but- since I already know you're not Mike, why can't we be at least on a positive terms?" You tried your best to seem an appealing friend.
Mal stayed silent for a bit, considering your words. He remained indifferent and unamused, but your words at least reached his ears.
"You don't even know me, yet you want to be on positive terms with me… Are you that desperate?" He looked at you patronizingly amused.
"I'm trying to be nice here." You bluntly said, a bit discouraged by his unwillingness to cooperate.
"Nice, you say? Do you even know what 'nice' means? To my knowledge, 'nice' is something you do to manipulate people and get their trust. I'm not interested in those kinds of games." Mal's words were cold and sharp, as if challenging you to answer him.
You stood there a bit dumbfounded at his definition of "nice". "No- And I'm sorry you had this experience if that's what you think it means. But I hold no malice towards you, really."
"Well you're either lying, or you're just a fool. I haven't decided yet." Mal didn't make an effort to hold back his words, just letting them slip with his usual bluntness.
You rolled your eyes slightly, but you were determined to change his mind. "Look, I know you have no reason to trust me, like me, or even believe me, but- let's say it makes us even then? We get to be in an alliance, and I don't tell your secret?" You didn't like blackmail, but you had to save yourself somehow.
"…Let's say your offer interests me… What would be your goal of this alliance?" Mal's demeanor changed slightly, becoming noticeably more analytical and entertaining the possibility at least slightly.
"Well- First off, a buddy is always nice to have on the competition, second reason- I like Mike. And you're a part of Mike So- I also wanna be friends with you. And- I hope that's reasonable?" You put it in a honest way.
Mal chuckled out loud before looking at you entertained and looking as if he was about to burst your bubble. "But I'm no Mike. If you think I'm gonna act like him then you're mistaken."
"No, I don't." You quickly disregarded his words. "That's why I suggested a fresh start."
You waited a bit before elaborating more. "Yes, I know that probably sounds stupid, but I'll be blunt. I just wanna make a friend and stay in the game. And I suck at social interactions." You knew how desperate you probably were to him, given his indifferent approach to you, but you had no other idea what to do.
Mal was clearly entertained by your responses. He couldn't help but chuckle at their naivety and the sheer persistence of being his 'friend' or something similar. "…You're one odd individual. I must say."
Mal stood silently for a moment, pondering the possibilities for an alliance between you two. He sighed before responding. "…Very well" Mal's face looked serious now, having a proposition in store.
"Should you fail to respect my boundaries, or try to manipulate me in any way… you're dead meat." Mal's tone of voice changed a bit too, now sounding as if he weren't joking anymore.
"And I also want you to not interfere with any of my plans. Understood? I can tolerate working with you for the time being, but only for the sake of mutual benefits." Mal's words were harsh and intimidating, but there seemed to be a slight tinge of… skepticism.
That was a good thing, you thought, because at least he was considering your request.
You nodded.
[Mal at the confessional]
"I can't decide whether they're planning something I didn't give them credit for, or are they that stupid to think I'm really gonna be in a real alliance with them." Mal chuckled to the camera. "Probably the latter." He added with a smug smirk. "That naive pawn… it's too easy to manipulate them. All that talk about "friendship…" nonsense." He obnoxiously mocked your words with a hand gesture as his look held entertainment. "As if that mattered to me… or anyone." Mal thought to himself out loud. "No one ever mattered to me, and they never will. People are merely tools in my eyes, and I will use them to get what I want..." His expression seemed to stay serious and pondering for a moment before the video cut off.
[𝙼𝚊𝚕]
You had very mixed feelings about the situation.
You were very well aware Mal probably didn't respect you and only agreed to it for his benefit, you weren't stupid.
But you also had some hopes he would come around with time.
Your relationship proceeding further was very rocky, as Mal didn't really treat you with kindness, which you kind of expected, but weren't happy about.
Still, he didn't try to vote you off, and for the time being it worked.
You were a bit lost about what to do, but the days on the island didn't let you have a break to think about things, and the challenges proceeded as usual.
Today's challenge was a camp-out one. People in the team had to partner up with someone and then spend a night outside, in the forest.
"Easy enough", you thought, but you noticed some eye-roll from Mal.
Obviously you and Mal ended up being partners, due to the "mutual" alliance you had.
Once the teams had chose their respective campsites and you were alone, Mal swooshed his hair so it fell on his eye once again without a comment, seemingly more comfortable with this hairstyle instead of Mike's usual standing hair.
"So- How about this place?" You pointed out to a simple area that didn't have a lot of pinecones on the ground, offering a softer ground to set a tent on.
"Whatever, can be." He briefly acknowledged your words without any further interest.
You were a bit tired of his apathetic demeanor but you let it slide.
You placed your backpack on the ground, preparing to take out the necessary equipment.
Mal sat on some available tree root, expecting you to do all the work.
It took you some time but you were determined to set out the tent properly, even under Mal's judging eye.
To no avail. Without an instruction, it wasn't your strong suit to just "wing it".
Mal raised his brow unamusedly while crossing his arms.
"God that's pathetic." He commented without any hesitance.
"Okay then, you do it." You crossed your arms as well, now looking at him.
You heard a "tch-" from him. "Really? You're that helpless?" He smirked.
"It would appear so." You just bluntly admitted, gaining some surprise from Mal, which quickly disappeared after a moment.
"Weak." He murmured to himself, making sure you also heard him. He walked up to the tent, setting it up without much resistance.
You plopped down on the tree trunk Mal was previously sitting on, watching him work.
After he was done you didn't want to be useless, so you got up with an idea of gathering some wood. What's a camp without a camp-fire, eh?
Mal saw you leave but didn't comment anything, choosing to go sit in the tent he just set up.
You were really trying to be nice and respectful to Mal, but he was slowly draining your willingness to do it.
As you were collecting random twigs from the ground you were thinking about him though.
No one was mean without a reason, and given Mike's situation, he probably went through lots of stuff to get to his current behavior, which made you feel sympathetic towards him.
You came back to your little campout, noticing Mal lazily sitting inside the tent, holding a knife in his one hand that was carving the wood he held in the other. You wondered where did he get it from?
"I brought wood." You announced, letting the twigs fall onto the floor.
"Congrats, you made yourself useful." He commented briefly, but mostly ignoring you.
It was a start at least.
Soon enough the air became colder, forcing you to make a fire.
You gathered some rocks and formed them along with several pieces of wood, trying to set the fire with 2 rocks, as you had to do with Mike on scout-type challenge, until Mal took out a match with unamused expression and started the fire.
You blinked as you saw the fire appear, then looked at Mal. "How did you get a match?"
"I stole it." He replied carelessly without a hint of shame.
"...Okay, that works." You only managed to say.
You both got near the source of warmth in a careful distance away from each other, you sitting on the tree trunk nearby, him sitting in the tent.
The challenge was going pretty smoothly, until it began to pour.
The rain quickly took out your fire, making Mal groan in irritation.
As you felt the droplets of water on your clothes, you quickly went into the tent where Mal was taking most of the space, but he reluctantly moved to the corner once he saw you coming.
You stayed silent as you observed the aggressive change of the weather, with Mal not making a peep either, only keeping his outward display of annoyance towards the rain visible.
It was getting dark and cold, with the weather having no plans of going back to the sunny afternoon it previously was.
Mal backed out into the tent, sitting quietly and looking outside with an upset expression on his face.
There was a long, awkward silence that got to you internally, but you didn't want to risk annoying Mal with bringing up "annoying" topics to talk about, as you had no other ideas.
You came to the show with quite a thick jacket with a hood on, so the cold didn't bother you that much, but you observed Mal pressing his bent knees to his stomach in attempt to keep warm.
There was no sign of struggle from his side though, as he made a good job of sitting still, acting like it wasn't bothering him, with the exception of subtle trembles of his body once in a while.
It was obvious he felt cold with only a short-sleeved shirt to keep him warm.
"Are you cold?" You asked hesitantly, even though you knew the answer.
He shot you a death glare. "I'm fine."
You waited a second, looking at him briefly and thinking about your options. You decided to press further.
"You have short sleeves though." You pointed out, looking at his face getting agitated.
"So fucking what? My fault this moron can't dress properly?" He barked at you with hostility, as if you were pointing out his misfortune.
"No." You responded a bit taken aback by his tone, but you remained calm.
"But- We can share." You made your intentions clear as you took off the jacket, handing it to him.
He looked at you with skeptic and confused eyes as if you had some hidden intentions behind that move, but he accepted the gift without any comment.
You noticed his grumpy expression soften slightly but still keeping that distrustful glare, avoiding your eye as he put the jacket around his back.
You judged his reaction as a positive one though.
After a moment you scooted closer to him, touching his side with yours, to which he raised his eyebrow at your "audacity".
"What are you doing?" He muttered, looking at your movements with mixed feelings.
"You're not the only one cold here. I'm also freezing." You explained a bit lightheartedly, hoping to ease the thick tension between you two.
Mal only briefly looked at you and let out a "hmph" noise as an acknowledgement as he looked away from you, yet he didn't move away, letting you stay in this position.
You sighed contently for the first time in a few days now.
You watched the rain fall in silence, but at least it wasn't as overwhelming now.
Finally the exhaustion caught up to you both as a product of several hours of walking and doing stuff.
Mal let out the first yawn and so you asked him whether he wants to go to sleep.
He shrugged, still keeping his indifferent behavior but accepted. "Sure, whatever."
You both moved to the far away corners of the tent and layed down, feeling the fabric of the tent soften the hard ground halfly. Chris didn't pack you any sleeping bags, that would be too easy.
All you had was your jacket as a make-shift blanket.
You noticed Mal laying on his side, in a way that wouldn't make him face you.
You offered him a part of the jacket but his ego didn't let him accept this time.
"I'm fine. I don't need it." He harshly turned down your offer.
You sighed. "Fine."
Mal remained stubborn, even though the cold was biting his ass, he managed to fall asleep.
You however couldn't, due to the uncomfortable place of sleeping.
You laid on your back for a few seconds, staring at the ceiling of the tent, before deciding to take a look at Mal.
His breathing let you notice he was asleep, although his shaky body was visibly cold.
You didn't have the heart to let him freeze, so you very carefully moved near him, putting a part of the jacket on him to cover him up.
You pressed your back very slightly against him, craving some additional warmth from his body that would benefit you boths
Fortunately he didn't wake up.
You managed to fall asleep after some time as well.
Mal woke up after several hours, thoroughly confused about the state of his being, as he expected to wake up cold, but he was quite- cozy.
His expression changed as soon as he noticed you very close to him.
He cringed at your proximity, with your front facing him in a blissful state of sleep, hair over your eyes as if in rom-com movie.
He was about to forcefully shake you off him, but he decided against it for some reason.
Perhaps it was his self-preservation finally speaking, instead of ego getting in his way of survival. Your position was both comfy and warm, after all.
He only turned to lay on his back, letting out a heavy sigh, furrowing his eyebrows slightly as it was now his turn to look above without any particular reason, just to think over the situation.
As soon as you started to wake up, he immediately backed off, putting the whole jacket on you.
"Finally you're awake." He said as if it was a big bother.
You softly rubbed your eyes, yawn escaping your lips as you done so.
"When did you wake up?" You asked with a bit of haze still.
"Doesn't matter." He sharply shut down your question, although his tone was just slightly different than his usual bitterness.
After you both past the challenge timer of staying and ready to leave the place, you noticed Mal taking down the tent, without you having to ask him for it. Huh.
[Mal at the confessional]
Mal stared at the camera with crossed arms for a longer moment, having an ambiguous expression on his face. After some time he finally decided to open his mouth. "God, they're so helpless. They can't even set up a damn tent." His scornful tone made it obvious he was making fun of you. "How would they even make it so far without me?" He once again made it clear to the recording device that he was needed for your victory. Yet another few seconds passed by before his thought was said out loud, this time his face turning less arrogant and more figuring out what he's gonna say. "...They're so naive." He reiterated once more, as if to reassure himself what to think. "But- Maybe with my help I'll be able to use them to my advantage." He finally found the correct direction of his further words. "I'll make sure no one gets between me and Y/N getting a chance at winning the money." "Of course, just for me to forcefully take the victory away from them, later." He said confidently, but he felt the need for a clarification on that last part. He lingered in the confessional for a moment more, before getting to his final words, looking straight at the camera. "And if anyone plans to interfere with that, they're gonna go down."
[BONUS - DATING HEADCANONS]
Of course if you and Mal become a thing, he'll be more keen about tolerating your quirks and listening to you ramble about your hyperfixations.
He won't be as invested in them, but he'll treat you in a way he'd treat a cat enjoying it's favorite toy - "You do your thing sweetie. It's stupid but adorable to look at."
Once he gets used to your true thoughts and trust you, he'd also think your honesty is refreshing.
He thinks neurotypicals play too many complicated emotional games.
He can also play them as a form of manipulation, but if it comes to trusting each other he appreciates you always being blunt when it comes to what you think.
It's obvious Mal most probably has ASPD and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, so he's not a stranger to people not liking his attitude and way of thinking.
He might be a bit too harsh on you at first, not used to having someone caring about him (or vice versa) but with time he'll learn to not go as hard on you.
Like with your 'special needs', not tolerating some textures and foods, your obsession about only on topic at a time, or stimming, which might be distracting to him.
He might panic a bit inside once you have a meltdown first time around him though, not knowing how to act around you in that state, as only thing he knows it's hostility, so don't expect him to be much help.
He might listen to your requests how should he act later on, though.
He will also be more straightforward around you when he notices your "denseness".
"Do you- want my jacket again?" You asked, looking at Mal. "No, let me freeze to death." He remarked sarcastically, expecting you to pass him the jacket again, but you just blinked, unsure if he wanted it or not after your previous similar encounter with him being reluctant to accept it. He looked at you a second more, now elaborating a bit annoyed. "Yes, I want it."
Even more so after Mal became less insecure about showing his interest in you.
"Aren't you cold?" He asked, looking at you expectantly with a hint of tease in his voice, obviously wanting you to come closer to him so you'd need him as a source of warmth. "Kinda-" You responded casually, yet still did nothing. Mal waited a moment before finally sighing and pulling you closer to him in a smooth manner, making you a bit surprised. "That means come here." He reiterated slightly more greedy about your presence. That amount of possessiveness made you a bit stunned, but in a kind of positive way. He wasn't negative towards you anymore, after all. "Do I really have to spell out everything for you?" He asked halfly serious. "Well- apparently." You admitted a bit embarrassed at your lack of clue. He rolled his eyes, pulling you closer. "Okay then. You're mine now."
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r4cc0on-in-tr4shcan · 2 months
Text
Caseoh x reader (platonic maybe romantic????) I thought of instead of sleeping
context: you are another popular streamer thats good friends with Case, but recently you got into some "beef" with Case that was just a joke, which chat tells you all types of insults about you and even telling you to kys and Case has to interveine (i dont think I spelled that right. Keepin' it gender neutral. maybe a bit of romance at the end if you squint and tilt your head. MAY OR MAY BE CRINGE. DID NOT PROOF READ)
It was really stupid but it started when you made a comment while playing a game on horror game on stream and the monster was... odd looking, to say the least. You jokingly said: "Chat, look! It's Case!" You say looking at a very divided chat. One part of chat is laughing about it, another part is saying that it's not funny and defending Case, and the rest of chat just start saying hella mean and rude comments about you. You try to ignore the hateful comments for now but that was hard to do when that was the majority of the chat. You then say, after a few minutes "I'm joking, I'm joking." You genuinly meant it, but chat was not buying it. The chat became more hateful, some people even saying to kill yourself. You didn't know what to do. You couldn't end stream because people will think your trying to run from the situation and the hate, you just know that you have to stop the "drama" as soon as possible. "Chat, I was joking. Me and Case joke like that all the time, even when we stream together! Me or him would say a joke like that and we'd both laugh, we've both said that we're fine with the jokes." You say a little bit before ending stream. You just wanted to cry. You hated shit like this, everyone just swarming you, not letting you breathe. You felt overwhelmed. Case started streaming an hour and a half after you ended stream. You heard the discord notification from his dicord server saying he was live. You open up his stream, to distract yourself from just having a meltdown, and he starts with his usual "WHAT'S GOOD CHAT?!" making a little smile appear on your face until it immediately drops when you see 3/4 of the chat starts asking about the "drama" and what you said about him. Case obviously saw those messages so he had to respond. "Oh here we go... Chat, imma be real with yall, it ain't even drama, yall was being dramatic." He pauses, reading chat for a second before continuing, "Yall was being dramatic over nun'." Like magic, his whole chat was saying "RIGHT", "FR", "W" as if someone those people typing those things weren't the same exact people that told you those things about your appearance and to kill yourself. Case continues, "Nah, chat, there's probably some people in this stream right now that said all'at stuff to them." His mom even pinned a message in chat saying "Even if it was something worse no one should tell anyone those things!!" which Case responds with a, "Yeah. It was just a joke and yall had to do all'at. They ain't even done nun', they made a joke and yall overreacted." As you watched you couldn't help but tear up from the words. The feeling of having someone actually care about your mental health and well being, it overwhelmed you with happiness and he didn't make it a big deal, he just talked about it and left the topic. You texted him saying "Thanks Case that was really nice of you, I owe you one" Case then checks his phone "OO someone textin' me!" and when he reads it he has a huge, stupid grin on his face as he texts back "No problem, anything for you" (DID NOT PROOF-READ. Not sure if it's accurate but I tried! 👻 not sure how to feel about this one buttttt yeah👍I was just bored.) (ALSO PLEASE ASK BC I GOT DONT GOT NUN TO DO AND I WANNA WRITE)
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banquetwriter · 7 months
Note
I saw you were taking requests for Carl grimes so maybe a fluff with Carl and reader who has ADHD and they’re in Alexandria but she’s like hella overstimulated and overwhelmed because everybody and everything’s new and like “better” and she genuinely just does not know what to do with herself. You don’t have to do this btw! Have a wonderful day/night!
୨୧ Breathing ୨୧
pairing: Carl Grimes ♡︎ Fem!Reader
warnings: ୭̥⋆*。 crying, some angst, one mention of sex (incredibly mild) small mentions of canonical violence, reader has panic attack
summary: ʚ after being overwhelmed your favorite grime’s comforts you ɞ
Words: 1374
AN: RAAAHHH thank you sm for the request, i tried to focus on how i personally feel when i get overwhelmed and overstimulated. i didn’t make her very bubbly or stereo typically “adhd” however i tried to model it after mine lol
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You hated everything about the apocalypse. You hated never feeling safe, never having enough food, and never being clean ever. You hated being on the run always. You fucking hated it.
But still, you found yourself anxious. A nice woman named Deanna sat you down and Interviewed you. Your heart was racing, it had been for a long time. It was the same feeling you felt being adopted by Glenn and Maggie, the unofficial daughter of the couple.
Feeling like you might start crying but you can't pinpoint your feelings. Being so light-headed the air feels like it is made out of cotton candy. You had stayed quiet to avoid any meltdowns in front of anybody.
You had been assigned one big house. Michonne and Rick take one room, Daryl another, and you bunker with Judith. You found her little coos and cries comforting sometimes. They grounded you when you felt clueless.
Judith and most importantly her brother Carl were what got you through everything. Glenn’s death, a man who was your father. Carl had since you got to the prison. It was hard not to fall in love with him. Even if it wasn't the right time or place. You couldn't help it.
It's how you accepted the prison. It's how you accepted what happened at Terminus, and it was going to be how you accepted this new world you found yourself in. Carl got his own room. You weren't upset by it.
He needed his space. He had been through too much. It was after dinner. You were sitting on the stairs. It was all too much. It was going to go away at some point…
You knew it. Nothing was safe forever. You knew that, you weren't some stupid child. The feeling was back of unintelligible panic. The feeling of horror creeping up your throat. The dizziness, and now you couldn't help but cry.
The cool air of the nighttime clung to your skin. You were sweating even though the night was cold. Hot tears streamed down your face. How could you help these people? How could you possibly help? Hell, you were fear-stricken over being someplace new.
You let out a sob you had been holding in for weeks. Everyone was in the house either cleaning up or windowing down for bed. You told them you needed to go on a walk before bed.
‘You were too restless’ that's what you told them. But here you were sitting down on the steps. A full belly, sobbing your eyes out. Carl had noticed of course he had.
You heard the door close behind you. You stood up, the hot tears still streaming down your face. “Hey, woah,” Carl said, clicking the door shut and walking up to you. You couldn't say anything, fear holding your heart.
You speedily tried to wipe the tears away from your face. His hands come down to your shoulders. His fingertips ghost your skin and shirt. “I-I'm sorry,” you mumble out before the tears start spilling from your eyes again.
“Hey hey hey,” he whispers, pulling you into his chest. His strong hand finds its way to the back of your head, the other snaking around your torso. There it was again. His heartbeat thumped through his chest reaching your ears.
“I'm scared,” you whispered. He pulls away from you keeping his hands secured on you. “I-I know you are y/n. I am too. But it's going to be ok, trust me.” he said, his hand coming up to your chin and holding it up. “How do you know we are going to be ok?” you ask, shaking my head.
“I just know,” he said, his voice soft and comforting. “Because I am here. Because you're here with me.
Judith is here, so is my dad, Michonnee, and Daryl…” he said. “We are all here with you. I know how scared you are because-” he started. He shifted his weight on his feet.
You looked up at him. Your eyes are full of tears. The sight alone broke his heart. He promised himself he would always protect you. After you got separated from the prison. He was never ever letting you out of his sight again.
“Because I'm scared too. This place could fall, or not be safe. I'm scared too.” he says leaning much closer to you. “That's not it. It's all so new. Everything is better. I don't even know what to do. I don't remember how not to be so broken.” you whispered.
Your words hit like a confession to a preacher. “Y-Your not broken,” he said trying to comfort you. “No Carl I am. I think we all are. And I don't know how I'm going to do this.” I said, feeling the tears start to slip out.
“You don't have to do this alone, or even right now. Taking it one day at a time would be a good place to start,” he said, trying to wipe your tears away. “Ok.” is all you said, the heat radiating off of him calming your rapid and hyper thoughts.
“Tonight, how about you sleep with me? In my room?” he asks. “Really? What about Judith, what would your dad and Michonne say?” you ask, pressing your body against his. Time seemed to stop. His blue eyes shine into your soul.
“We can keep Judith in there too. Two people watching her is safer anyway. And don't worry about my dad ok? I will talk to him.” he says, moving both of his hands to your cheeks. Placing a small kiss on your forehead.
You swore you could feel your heart soar high above all the clouds and skies. You silently nod your head, “Go and get ready for bed and meet me in my room ok?” he says nodding towards the house. You smiled walking in.
The group looked as you rushed past them. Carl followed suit walking into the house. His hands were on his hips. “Y/n is going to stay with me tonight. In my room.” Carl said, looking at his dad.
Michonne’s eyebrow shot up. She looked at Judith with a smirk and turned around leaving the boys to discuss. “Carl-” Rick says in his stern voice. “It's not like that Dad,” he says, putting his hand out. Rick’s head turned to the side.
“She is scared, Dad. And I made a promise to protect her. She doesn't trust this place yet. I'm not gonna let her go.” Carl says, his face staying stern. He wasn't going to take ‘no’ for an answer. You were all that mattered to him right now.
Rick rubbed his chin, “Look alright. She can stay in your room as long as you take Judith with you.” he said, walking up to his face. Rick used his pointer finger and used it to tap his son's chest. “If I hear any funny business-” he says in full seriousness.
“Ew. Gross dad.” Carl says, rolling his eyes. Walking past him and running up the stairs to the bathroom. He gave a small knock on it. He heard your voice waver out a Small “Yes?” he smiled.
“It's me, Carl. You ready for bed?” he asked you. “A-Almost. Got distracted again,” you shouted from the bathroom. Carl felt his smile grow wider. “I'm gonna put Judith down now ok? Join me when you're ready,” he says, starting to walk away.
“Ok! Thank you!” you shout from the bathroom, continuing to get ready to sleep. Carl brought his baby sister and a crib into his room. Making it all nice for her. That's when you walked in. You were so beautiful.
In a plain new outfit. Eyes red and puffy from crying. You still were the prettiest thing he had ever seen. You silently sat on the bed. Carl smiled at you, something you returned. He took his hat off, placing it on the bedside table. He crawled on the bed and behind you. Beckoning you to join him under the covers.
Something you did with ease. The comforting smell of Carl Grimes fills your nose. As his hands snake around your torso to hug you. His nose gently rubs against your neck.
“I love you.”
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megalony · 1 year
Text
Overload
This is an Eddie Diaz imagine requested by anon, thank you for this it was so fun to write. I hope you all enjoy.
Taglist: @lunaticspoem@butlegendsneverdie@langdonzvoid@jennyggggrrr@rogmeddows@radiob-l-a-hblah@rogertaylorsbitontheside@chlobo6@rogertaylors-lipgloss@sj-thefanthefan@omgitsearly@luckytrashgooprebel@scarsout@deaky-with-a-c@killer-queen-ofrhye@bluutac@vousmemanqueez-blog@jonesyaddiction@milanosaurus@httpfandxms@saint-hardy@7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls@mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me  @hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27@avyannadawn@noonenuts@sleepylunarwolf@coverupps@justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway
911 Masterlist
Summary: Chris is invited with the 118 to Denny's birthday party and he has a great time, until things start to overwhelm him. Then a meltdown ensues.
Enjoy.
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A smile lit up Christopher's face and he reached his arms out towards his dad, pointing up at the present that Eddie was just about to get out the boot of the truck.
"Be careful then," Eddie handed the present down to Chris, guessing that he wasn't going to be using his crutches today by the look of things.
He grinned madly and took the rather light box that rattled whenever it moved. Chris had taken the liberty to pick some dinosaur wrapping paper and he had stuck the large green bow on top of the present after he watched his mum expertly wrap it up ready for Denny. And Chris wanted to be the one to carry it in and give it to his friend on his birthday.
Hen had asked all of the team if they wanted to come over for Denny's birthday party today. She knew Chris would panic if there were a lot of other kids here who he didn't know and because Denny was very set on Chris coming along, they only invited two of his close friends from school. Chris knew everyone at the squad so he was comfortable around them and he knew Athena's son Harry who he was also comfortable around.
It was a close knit party which is just what everybody wanted and needed and Chris had been excited about this for the past three days since he found out they were coming here.
"Remember, don't tell him what the present is," (Y/n) kissed the top of Chris's head as the three of them set on a slow walk up the drive towards Hen's house. The last time Chris went to a friend's birthday, he had been very excited to give the present over but he accidentally told his friend Andrew what they had bought him. Andrew didn't care, he had laughed and still looked surprised when he opened the gift, but it was a gift and it was always nice to have a surprise present.
She felt Eddie's arm loop around her waist as they approached the door and he gently grabbed Chris's shoulder after he knocked on the door. Chris had a tendancy to try and walk in houses without or straight after knocking, he didn't quite grasp the part about waiting to be invited in. He thought it was like with his own home or his grandparents house, he could go straight in and the door would be unlocked and people would welcome him in.
"Hi! Denny will be thrilled you're all here, come in." Karen opened the door, a wide smile on her face as she ushered them inside. "Everyone's out in the garden."
They followed Karen down to the kitchen and out the back door where the noise level raised and the chaos ensued.
There were a lot of balloons tied around the fence, to the few tables outside and placed around the garden with weights to keep them from floating off into space. A banner of Happy Birthday was pinned against the fence on the right side of the garden above the buffet table.
(Y/n) could see something that would grab Chris's attention towards the back of the garden. A paddling pool. Chris was very sensory and he loved the swimming pool, if they weren't careful he would be straight in there in his clothes and they wouldn't be able to get him out. And next to the pool was a sandbox that was usually closed up but today was wide open with spades and buckets and a signpost that (Y/n) couldn't read from this far away.
They didn't get very far before Denny spotted them and it was heartwarming to see his bright smile when he realised Chris had finally arrived. Chris was the person he was desperate to be around and play with.
"You're here!" He bounded over to them, almost stumbling when Chris pushed the present out towards him with a cheesy grin and his eyes almost closed.
"Happy birthday,"
"Thank you," Denny carefully took the present and looked up at his mum who nodded and took it from him so it could be put with the rest of the presents inside for him to open later.
"It's lego."
"Chris!" Eddie tilted his head back and brought his hand up to rub his eyes, trying to smother his groan with a laugh. He knew it. He just knew Chris wouldn't be able to contain the excitement and keep the surprise. When it was his own birthday, Chris loved surprises and opening presents but for anyone else, he had a fixation on telling them what it was.
Leaning back, Chris pushed his shoulders back into Eddie's legs and tilted his head back, giggling up at his dad as he bit down on his thumb.
"Come on, mum's gonna open the scavenger hunt," Denny took Chris's hand and walked slow enough so they could trot side by side towards Hen, Harry and two other friends from school. They were all stood near the sandbox that made Chris's eyes light up.
"Scavenger hunt?" Eddie tucked his free hand into his back pocket as he and (Y/n) followed Karen over to where Athena, Bobby, Chimney and Maddie were all sat with drinks and the radio blasting music.
"Hen's buried sweets and little fidget toys in the sandbox. They'll have to dig around for buried treasure. And Buck, being the big kid that he is, has decided to help supervise them." Karen gestured to the drinks table near the rest of the team so they could help themselves to something. All of them knew that Buck would be the one to join in the games and the fun with the kids. He was a child at heart, a kid trapped in an adult's body. It was why all the kids were drawn to him and loved him playing around with them.
"One sec," Leaning over, Eddie kissed (Y/n)'s temple before he jogged towards the sand box where the kids were all eagerly looking round. They were waiting to be told when they could get in and start digging as Hen was going through the rules of the treasure hunt. "Buck,"
"Yeah?"
"Can you keep an eye on Chris while he's in there?" He pointed towards the sand, already feeling the unease washing through him.
"Don't worry, I know where all the treasure is," Buck winked and clapped his hands, he wasn't getting what Eddie meant.
"No… he's got pica and sand is sensory, he'll try and eat it if you don't watch him. It's a different texture."
Chris had been diagnosed with Pica when he was three, it was a condition that meant he would try and taste, eat or just put random things in his mouth that weren't food. He understood he couldn't eat things like sand or mud or paper but they were so sensory that he couldn't help putting them in his mouth. Chris did it for the texture, not to try and eat them or because he was hungry or desperate. It was a fixation, a sensory feeling, putting things in his mouth was Chris's way of getting a sensory fix and feeling textures.
Eddie had had a lot of arguments with Chris's last school when they didn't watch him closely and Chris started to eat the sand and either made himself sick or it came out in his nappies as a child. It wasn't safe or nice for him and he had to be watched.
When he was five (Y/n) had been doing the washing and Chris came up behind her and stuffed a handful of wash powder in his mouth because it felt grainy and fluffy and itchy. It was a bi sensory feel in his hand and he automatically put it in his mouth, then threw it up.
"I'll watch him." Buck grinned and nodded as if it was no big deal or nothing new and it made Eddie relax. The team never seemed surprised or shocked or put off when they learned about Chris's conditions, especially Buck. He took it all in his stride and he strived to make Chris comfortable and understood and help him however he could.
When Hen said the boys could start digging, Buck reached down and picked Chris up and sat him down in the left corner of the sandbox, right near a bag of sweets he knew Hen had buried there. She had planted enough so that each kid could get at least two mini bags of sweets or a little fidget toy.
"Find me some treasure," He whispered to Chris as he kneeled down on the grass beside him with Hen a few feet away, watching the other four kids.
With a smile, Chris tucked his left hand down into the sand and spread his fingers, curling his fingers to his palm and spreading them again to move the sand and get the sensory feel. He held the dark blue plastic spade tight in his other hand and started to pat and scrape at the sand until a mini pack of Haribos was uncovered.
"Uncle Buck's treasure," He giggled and tossed the pack onto Buck's lap, grinning when he turned to look over at his parents.
He could see Eddie giving him a thumbs up and (Y/n) smiled at him from where she was sat on Eddie's lap.
Tilting forward, Chris dropped the spade and rolled until he was laid on his stomach on the sand with his legs kicking out behind him. He burrowed his hands down into the sand, grabbed fistfuls and pulled his hands back up. He watched, fascinated, as the sand fell through his fingers like droplets of rain.
He grabbed some more sand and tipped his head down until his chin was perched on a mountain of sand. His lips parted in a cheeky smile and he locked eyes with Buck just as he poked his tongue over his lower lip towards the sand.
"Ah-ah, your dad told me what you're like. If you wanna try something, try a sweet." Buck held a sweet out towards Chris who kept laughing but took the bribe anyway.
(Y/n) tilted her head back on Eddie's shoulder, nuzzling her face into his neck as she looped an arm around the back of his neck while her free hand held her cup of juice. She crossed one leg over the other, trying hard to focus on the conversation but she couldn't keep track. All she could focus on was Eddie's hand that had drifted up beneath the hem of her dress and kept gliding higher and higher up her thigh.
And when she looked over his shoulder every now and then, she could see Buck laughing at Chris who was spraying sand everywhere along with Harry. It looked like all the boys had found the buried treasure they had been digging for.
"Alright, who's up for musical statues?" Hen gave a sceptical look around the team who were all sat chatting and watching the kids have their fun in the sand box.
"I'll control the music," Bobby tapped the radio that was sat next to him and caught the CD that Hen expertly tossed over to him. He wasn't so good at musical statues but he could be fair and impartial with the music and turn it on and off for the kids.
"Up, up up you lot. You can all join in,"
A few groans rumbled past their lips but all of them got up and moved towards the centre of the garden as the boys hurried over. Chris stood so he was facing both parents, stood near to Denny who was clapping and smiling in anticipation. And (Y/n) shared a look with Eddie, they both knew Chris wasn't very good at this game and he probably wouldn't try to play, he would just go along with the music.
"Okay, when the music stops, you all freeze. Anyone still moving when it stops is out. Off you go," Karen stood in front of them all, playing the role of referee as Bobby started the music.
As predicted, Chris seemed to switch off to the rules and what was happening and he went into his zone with the music.
The CD was a new pop chart with all the latest music and it was Chris's sort of thing. He held his arms out at his sides and started to shake his hands, a new stimming technique he had picked up recently. He didn't exactly move his legs or his feet but he swayed and rocked back and forth very rapidly like he was being blown about by the wind.
Every few seconds, Chris did a quick round of clapping before he went back to shaking his hands and laughing. This was his sort of party game. It wasn't often that other people danced with him and when he looked up and saw his mum and dad dancing, it made him squeal. Whenever he clapped, his mum rose her hands in the air and clapped with him and he could see his dad mumbling along to the lyrics while his hands were on (Y/n)'s hips.
Maddie and Chimney stood near them, waving their arms up and down and bending down to shimmy and sway along to the beat like they were doing a new dance routine they had memorised.
Buck was dancing with the boys and Hen, and Athena and Harry were towards the back clapping and swaying about to the beat.
As soon as Bobby paused the music, almost everyone stopped.
(Y/n) kept her arms high in the air and tried to tense her elbows so she didn't move or waver. She could feel Eddie's chest pressed up into her back and his fingertips squeezed into her hips as he tried to stay perfectly still behind her. But when both their eyes moved to lock onto their son, they grinned.
Chris was still rocking. He had his eyes snapped closed, his thumb between his teeth morphing his grin and he was almost violently going back and forth as his other hand was stimming and shaking at his side. He didn't quite grasp the rules and he didn't want to stop, he just wanted to dance and move about and have everyone laughing and dancing along with him.
"Chim, you're arm moved. You're out."
"Damn," He stomped his foot into the ground before he moved over towards Bobby to sit with a drink and watch the game plan out.
Karen looked between Chris and his parents for a second, a bright smile on her lips as she turned to check everyone else before Bobby pressed play. They couldn't tell Chris to stop dancing and sit out, he was having too much fun and he wasn't trying to play a game or win the game. He could keep dancing away and rocking in the corner, they would continue the game around him.
The music continued for a little while, Bobby timed it just right to stop the music when Harry and Athena were in the middle of their jam session and both of them wobbled on their feet before stumbling two or three paces.
They were out.
Right as the music stopped for a third time, Buck was in the middle of his dance, one leg up in the air and his arms out at his sides. (Y/n) gasped, holding her arms out when he stumbled on his back foot and fell towards her. His arms swung out, grabbing (Y/n)'s shoulder and taking her down like a domino. She slipped and felt her back knock into Eddie's legs, swiping them from under him so that he went down with them.
"I'm afraid you're all out now," Karen leaned over them with a grin and (Y/n) sighed dramatically, flopping her head onto her husband's chest.
With a manic laugh, Chris finally stopped dancing and trotted forwards until he could slump down onto Buck's chest.
"You lost Buck,"
"Have you had enough, baby?" (Y/n) tilted her head to the side as she looked up at Chris when he walked over to them.
All the boys had been sat very close to the buffet table in case they wanted seconds. They had been sat in a big circle on the grass to have their dinner while the rest of the 118 were in the chairs near the radio, finishing off their food.
(Y/n) knew Chris was a fussy eater and if he looked at the buffet, there would be too much choice for him and he wouldn't be able to choose anything, it would overwhelm him. So she had gone along the table, picking out a few tiny bits that she knew he would definitely eat and grabbed the pack of crisps from her bag she brought. He was particular on what kind and brand he would eat.
"Finished," He whispered quietly, handing over the plate so she could see he had eaten at least half of what she had put on the plate, and all the crisps she gave him.
"Good boy," (Y/n) put the plate down on the grass next to her and opened her arms so he could sit between her legs. She was sat down between Eddie's legs, her head resting on his thigh and his legs squeezing her sides lovingly. Every now and then he kept leaning down to kiss her head or card his fingers through her hair.
She curved her arms around his middle and pressed her lips to the top of Chris's head, swaying them side to side between Eddie's legs.
"You okay?" (Y/n) whispered quietly into his hair when she noticed his hands that had come up to hold her arm were twitching. He was trying to stim, he didn't usually do that when he was having a cuddle.
"Hm,"
"Mum said we can go in the pool, are you coming?" Denny hovered by the side of them, a hopeful look on his face that brightened even more when Chris grinned. He had been waiting for them to say he could jump in the pool ever since he noticed it.
"Yeah… mummy?"
Chris turned around in (Y/n)'s arms and lifted his arms towards her so she got the silent message. She smiled down at him and gently lifted his top over his head and put it down next to her bag that had all of his things in.
"You can go in your shorts baby, I've got spare clothes in the bag," (Y/n) didn't see the point in Chris taking off his shorts and sitting in his underwear when he could just get them wet and change into the spare outfit she had packed for emergencies or food disasters.
With a lasting look towards his parents, Chris swiped off his glasses and dropped them onto Eddie's lap before Denny took his hand and they headed towards the paddling pool. Eddie rolled his eyes and hung the glasses around his neck to keep them safe. The last time Chris had put them down and forgot about them, Eddie had sat on them and broke them. He wasn't making that mistake again.
Chris flopped into the water like a penguin sliding off the ice and the moment he was sat up in the water, he threw his arms out and splashed the water until it was spraying around him and bubbles started to appear between his fingers. He wasn't expecting it to be so cold but the shivers it caused and the way it made his legs jerk had him in fits of giggles.
When one of the other boys jumped into the pool rather close to him, Chris shuffled back until he was in his own little corner of the pool. He smiled when Denny handed him one of the spades from the sandbox so he could splash properly and flick the water up.
He shovelled up the water and started to stim, flicking his wrist so the water sprinkled slowly over the edges of the shovel and rained down onto his legs.
As soon as another boy started to skid and jump around the pool, Chris turned to the left so his side was pressed up into the plastic edge of the pool and he was facing away from them.
They were starting to become rowdy.
They were laughing and babbling too fast for Chris to understand what they were talking about and he didn't really want to know either. He wanted to listen to the CD playing over near his parents but even the songs sounded much too fast. It sounded like they had been sped up and the volume wasn't loud enough, he wanted it louder to drown out the sound of everything else.
He could hear beer bottles clinking together and a lot of gruff laughter and one of the boys he didn't know was shouting along to the music, ruining the song for Chris.
Chris tipped his head down and started to rock back and forth, trying to concentrate on the music he could barely hear over the loudness of everything else. His fingers tightened around the spade and his blurry eyes moved until he could see a bright green balloon a few feet from the pool.
Hen had blown up some normal balloons and put them around the garden in case the boys wanted to play with them or play throw and catch or kick them around. Chris liked balloons, he liked it when his dad would play don't let the balloon touch the floor with him and they would jump up on the sofa to hit the balloons around.
Someone popped one.
Lurching forward, (Y/n) felt Eddie's hand tighten on her shoulder and she turned around between his legs. She leaned her arms up on his thigh and pushed up between his thighs as his arm moved around her shoulders as he turned to look behind him over at the pool.
Chris didn't like loud bangs, especially not balloons popping.
"Boys, be careful please-"
"Christopher no!" (Y/n) thrust her drink out towards Buck who was sat next to Eddie before she stumbled to get up and hurry over to the pool.
As soon as another balloon popped, Chris screamed. He started to slam the spade down into the water causing waves to roll around his legs and water to sprinkle up around him. He whacked the spade down so fast and repeatedly that he started to hit himself in the knee and the thigh but he didn't care. Another scream left his lips as his eyes screwed shut and he bashed back and forth, waving his hands out at his sides.
"Baby I'm here, mummy's here it's alright. Give it to me," Reaching the pool, (Y/n) knelt down beside the edge and reached over to try and grab the spade off him, he was making his legs blotchy red and sore.
His scream pierced through her ears and when she grabbed his hand, he jerked his arm back and accidentally smacked the spade against her neck. (Y/n) leaned back, swallowing a hiss because she knew Chris didn't realise he had caught her, his eyes were still shut tight.
She pulled it out of his hand and tossed it out the way on the grass before she tried to wrap her arms around him and calm him down. She didn't want him to have a full meltdown here, not when he'd been having such a good day so far and enjoying himself. He rested his forehead against her shoulder, but only for a second before he started to thrash his head into her arm and moved his hands to scratch his nails up and down his arms.
"Come on,"
"NO!" He kept rocking back and forth and moved to kick his legs out when (Y/n) tried to pick him up.
He couldn't keep having a meltdown in the pool, (Y/n) had to get him inside so he was somewhere quieter, safer and secluded so no one could see. It wasn't fair for everyone to see him like this and it was Denny's party. But (Y/n) could already hear the music had been turned off and everyone was as quiet as a mouse. No one moved closer and all the boys got out the pool but stayed close in case there was something they could do to help.
None of the boys, or even the team, had ever seen Chris get overstimulated and go into a meltdown before.
"Eddie…" (Y/n) looked up at him with pleading eyes as her husband hurried over beside her and leaned over the pool.
"One, two, three." They carefully took an arm each and stood up, pulling Chris out of the pool and lowered him down onto the grass. "Good lad," Eddie muttered when Denny silently handed him a towel.
Eddie knelt down beside Chris and held both Chris's wrists out in front of him with one hand while he draped the towel around him with the other. Once it was tight around his body, he let go of Chris's hands so he couldn't scratch himself anymore. As soon as it was around him, (Y/n) picked him up and got to her feet. She shivered at feeling Chris scream into her neck and she could feel his nails puncturing into her back from how tightly he was clinging to her but she didn't care.
Her eyes stayed on the ground as she tried to be quick, rushing from the pool towards the house to get him inside and away from the party.
"I'm sorry, I think it's an overload, he's had too much stimulation," Eddie looked at Hen with an apologetic smile while he leaned down to grab (Y/n)'s bag so he could take it to her.
"Don't be sorry, he's not done anything wrong."
"You can turn the music back on and carry on, don't let this spoil their fun. Once he's calmed down he'll be fine." It wouldn't be fair on Denny and the boys if they kept the music off and effectively stopped the party. They were all having fun and the party wasn't over yet, they could go back to their games.
This was normal for Chris and it didn't mean anyone had done anything wrong. He had too much stimulation with the sand, the games and the water and then all the different noises and music. He needed a quiet zone to calm back down and go to normal again.
Slinging the bag on his shoulder, Eddie tried to smile at them all and waited for Bobby to turn the radio back on before he headed over to go in the kitchen where (Y/n) had gone.
"Shh, alright baby, mummy's here."
(Y/n) leaned her back up against the kitchen cupboard and bent her knees out to the sides to accomodate Chris who was curled up between her thighs. He burrowed his face into her stomach and kept his hands pressed tightly over his ears. His knees were bunched up to his stomach, the towel was wrapped around around him and (Y/n) was slowly swaying them from side to side.
"Daddy's back, look," Her hand rubbed up and down Chris's arm and she tried to nudge him to look over at Eddie who knelt down in front of them.
He rummaged around in the bag until he managed to find the dark green headphones tucked away in there. They were large oval headphones that were noise-cancelling for emergencies like this. If they were out in public and the music or the voices were too loud and overwhelming, they could slip these on Chris and he would calm down and wouldn't have to leave.
Eddie carefully nudged Chris's hands away and put the headphones on him before he tilted his chin up so he could kiss his forehead.
He dug back into the bag and found the purple dinosaur crammed at the bottom. The moment he held it out towards Chris, his eyes stopped darting from side to side and he gingerly took the teddy, pulling it into his slightly damp chest and binding his arms around it.
"There we go, all better." Eddie shuffled around from his knees to sit down on the floor just in front of them.
He spread his legs out around either side of (Y/n), caging her thighs between his and he looped his hands under her legs and lifted them up. He gave a small tug and pulled her closer until her legs were hooked around his waist and Chris was curled up between them. Chris moved down so his head was on (Y/n)'s thigh, arms still bound to his teddy and his legs splayed out over Eddie's thigh.
The shaking subsided quickly with (Y/n)'s fingers running through his hair and Eddie's hand smoothing up and down his arm, coaxing him into a rather sleepy state. He had exhausted himself.
Reaching out, (Y/n) curled her fingers around Eddie's hand, smiling up at him until he closed the gap between them and pecked her lips.
"Hey, how we doin' in here?" Hen held the door halfway open and leaned in, smiling gently down at the couple. When she peered her head a bit closer, she could see that Chris had his eyes closed and his thumb pressed between his lips. He was falling asleep.
"We're good, looks like we'll be heading home though." Eddie hadn't expected them to stay for hours today, he knew at some point Chris would either be too tired to stay or he would get fidgety and irritated and want to go home. They hadn't been expecting a meltdown, but at least it was over and he had tired himself out. They would have to suffer another bad mood later when they woke him up for his tea and bath but he would certainly be in bed earlier tonight.
"Are the boys okay?" (Y/n) tilted her head back and looked up at Hen, she felt bad for them, especially Denny, it was his party and he had to see Chris have a meltdown for the first time.
"Please, they're hyped up on cake sliding in and out of the pool. Everything's fine as long as Chris is alright. Denny's really enjoyed spending time with him."
Chris had had a good day, they would just have to be a bit more cautious next time.
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