#I know for sure I’m nonbinary but I’ve been thinking a lot about being agender or genderfluid......I DUNNO

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hello!!

How are you?

I’ve been feeling stressed out about a lot of things recently and everytime I’ve felt like this in the past it’s you who always helps me out! So I’m back… (not sure it’s a good thing)

Ok so firstly let’s discuss my sexuality. So for the past 3 years I’ve identified as bisexual. I basically like all genders but do have a preference. For example, I am more attracted to masc presenting people than fem presenting people, but I also prefer queer people more often than not. Does this make sense?

This makes me bi, right? Bc I have preference?, bc sometimes I wonder if I could be pan, but pansexual is with no preference (?)

Alrighty, second thing on my mind is the dreaded gender. I’ve been questioning for about 10 months now and I feel like I’ve made progress and I wanted to talk to you about it! So I was that anon and go was spamming your asks back in like December and January bc I was so confused about what gender identity I could be. I asked about almost all of them and you truely helped me so much!

I thought I was faking it as I’m like older than most people when working this stuff out (19), but you reassured me that I wouldn’t be faking it if it was keeping me up. You also said I could be genderfluid, like you. I remember you said you had similar experience to what I was describing: I did look into that and it’s still something I think about. I know I’m not cis. Sometimes I do relate to being a ‘girl’ (as uncomfortable as that makes me feel, it’s the truth). (I am afab). I know I’m definitely not a man. And I had thoughts that I could be agender.

I’ve come to conclusion that I am non-binary, possibly genderfluid, in which fluctuates from agender to demigirl to nonbinary. (Still discovering it all though). I just wanted to come on here and thank you so much for all the help and guidance that you provided! It really means a lot and you are the most amazing human in the world for that! 🫶🏼

Ok now lastly I am a uni student, and I have placement in 2 weeks. I’m going to a school to teach… yes I’m going to be a teacher (like you!) Clothes were the initial issue with placement as clothes always make me feel dysphoric, but you helped me with that as well! The thing that’s keeping me up lately is the title of what the students will call me. Most teachers go by Ms/Miss/Mrs/Mr and then their last names. I don’t want that. I know I’ll end up being called Ms ______, which makes me sad. What do students call you? Do you think it’s bad if I just tell them I want to be called by my first name or is that unprofessional? I know this is silly and I shouldn’t be overthinking it but it’s making me feel uncomfortable and sad so I thought I’d ask you for advice. (I also don’t know how I feel about Mx being used for me).

Again Cas, thank you for all the help you have provided me these last few months! I am so glad I found your blog when I did bc you have helped me in more ways than I ever could have imagined! I am so so grateful for you and I hope you have everything you want in life bc you deserve it!

Enjoy your day/night :)

Hi!!!

Yes, I remember you!

Okay so for sexuality...I think this is a matter of opinion, to be honest. Like, I've read completely different things and I am by NO means an expert. But in MY opinion? If you have the ability to be attracted to anyone, regardless of gender, that would be pan. Even if you have preferences. But if you're strictly only looking for certain genders, that would be bi. I hope that makes sense? Like there's a difference between having a preference and not being attracted at all.

I'm so glad I could help you with your gender! With teaching, have you ever considered just going by your last name? I think it might not be a good idea to go by first name, just because that brings you on a 'friend-level' and some kids will take advantage about it. But just your last name isn't gendered, and also give you some authority.

I'm so so glad I could help you, and please feel free to write again!

(Also I am naming all the anons who write to me in case they want to write in the future, and I am using a random positive affirmation generator to do so. So I dub thee: impressive anon. Enjoy your free tag!)

[majoringinsarcasm]

The thing about TERFs is that they’ll talk about the issues women face and how things are unfair or not designed with women in mind and how society was shaped around men and how it still is like that in many many places.

But instead of seeing that as a system that needs to be changed, they take all of that as Inherent and Biological when that’s not the case. And in fact is just adhering to what the system has been from the start.

More rambling underneath idk I’ve just been thinking about stuff lately

“Men are born hating women. They are born with this instinct to harass and assault and it’s only a matter of time before they do. You cannot transition into a women because you are not socialized the same was a them. You didn’t suffer what they suffered. You don’t know all the True Ways of being a women so anything you do is a mockery.”

And I just have to wonder. Who taught you about women hood? I don’t mean what did society tell you or show you. Who taught you as an individual why being a woman meant To Them.

Because there are a lot of women in this world who wake up and are so happy to be women. Who feel pride in not just their body but their mind and goals and ideals and dreams. Who see womanhood as something to strive towards. Not one thing to earn by doing the right things but panting to gain For The Self. The way they carry themselves and treat others, the way they see and want to shape the world.

I am not cis, but not because I was scared or felt that I was failing at being a girl. I didn’t feel like one. All of that Inherent and Biological stuff I was meant to feel as a girl and future women wasn’t clicking. All the talking points that TERFs and transphobes make about this or that. It wasn’t clicking. I was a Girl no doubt, because I wasn’t a boy and those were my only options. And it was fine for me because I wasn’t taught to hate it. I was surrounded by women who enjoyed being women. I don’t reject my upbringing bc it’s the only one I had. It was fine because My Life more or less wasn’t filled with that kind of suffering.

I do not define my identity by suffering. I tried to once and that almost killed me. I was taught by other queer people that I had to hate my body or I wasn’t really trans. I’ve never been assaulted for being queer but I’m not out at work. I don’t feel safe and I know I don’t look any different. It took me ages to just be okay with My Body being a trans body I’m not sure when I’ll be ready to take that next step. But I’ll make it in my on time if I ever do.

But I’m trans bc I LACK the euphoria of being a woman. There is no joy or pride. I was a Weird Girl bc no other word existed for me back then. I was a human but a girl. I was a person but a girl. And when I discovered there were other words I felt happy. I didn’t need to be a Different from the rest girl or a Late Blooming girl. Nonbinary came along. Trans came along. Agender came along. I had new words to try out and they fit me in the way Weird Girl no longer needed to act as a placeholder.

I say All of this just to reiterate how stupid those biological talking points are. On both sides mind you because the queer community from what I’ve seen is not kind to AMAB people and that upsetting. Because there is no inherent evil of birth sex or body. There is no way to tell who is Good and Safe and who is Harmful other than their actions. This is not me ignoring society structure. This is me saying that

“You don’t know my pain so you’re not a real X”

Sounds a lot like

“If all you need to be X is the desire and genuine euphoria with identifying as such to the point of choosing a scary series of events and possible hatred from others, all because you will be happy at the end of the road, then My suffering doesn’t mean I’m worthy of this title. I am just someone who suffered.”

And it’s fucked up the way we live now. And there is no blank slate. And we STILL act as a group on these issues. But it doesn’t need to stay that way. We as individuals can make that change day by day until we don’t need to fear or resent each other to feel safe. Where we won’t have to fight over scraps. But we won’t get there by listening to people who wish us harm or who make up criteria that even other cis people don’t meet.

[solradguy]

i don't know if you're still accepting character asks but if you are; testament

Testament? More like BESTament AYYYYYY. When Testament was announced for Strive, I was listening to a lot of Testament the band at the time. It felt like I’d summoned them haha 

💀 Overall opinion of them:

I gotta admit that I wasn't really interested in Testament until they got added in Strive. Their original design isn't something that usually appeals to me, but I love their Strive redesign a lot!! It's cool seeing them back again, and that they're happy with themselves too. As a fellow LGBT humanoid, any LGBT character getting a good ending is instantly a favorite for me. Guilty Gear having at least TWO (3, if you count the Justice mistranslation) nonbinary characters right from the start with Testament and Baiken back in friggin 1998 is so goddamn cool. Even if Daisuke didn't know the correct terms for everything back then he still at least tried. Thank you Daisuke and ArcSys 🙏

💀 Gender/sexuality headcanons:

Testament is musei, which I think the ArcSys English team decided to translate to agender? I’ve never thought about what their sexuality might be though...hmm... Other than a few close friends, it kinda feels like they enjoy being alone. Maybe they’re aro/ace or demisexual? 

💀 Favorite moment in canon:

Strive reveal trailer with their new design 😩💖💖

I hope we get the bit of lore where Testament realizes they’re not under Justice’s control anymore and can have hobbies and a life of their own again. That would be really nice. 

💀 Favorite line, in canon or otherwise:

Ahh... A lot of Testament’s dialog is just like “DIE MONSTER I HATE YOU” until Strive... Their intro dialog in a mirror match in Strive is pretty good though:

(P2) "You there, arms up a bit. It's more graceful."

(P1) "Is that so? I was just thinking lower would be better."

💀 Characters I love seeing them interact with:

DIZZZYYYYYY. I think Testament would get along with Ky pretty well too. Maybe the three of them have regular tea dates together? It would be cool if Testament and post-Strive Sol got to have a conversation and work out their differences too. Testament seems to have/had a lot of resentment towards Sol because he was close with Kliff while Testament kinda got pulled out of the picture when the whole Justice thing went down. 

💀 Last thing before sleeping headcanons:

Testament’s been confirmed as being a bubble bath enjoyer so they definitely take nice long pre-bed bubbly baths when they have the time too, with music, candles, tea, and a book. The whole shebang, ya know? When they don’t have time for a bubble bath, they still have a pretty lengthy nightly beauty routine. There isn’t a place in this meme template to put it so I’m gonna put it here haha I like the imagine that one of Testament’s hobbies is making their own clothes. One of their hobbies is confirmed embroidery and a few of the others are pretty crafty too. Maybe before bed Testament enjoys browsing fashion boards for outfit inspiration ideas and has a scrapbook of ideas they’d like to try out some day. 

💀 Sleeping habits headcanons:

Probably Testament has a pretty standard bed (though one with a huge canopy) and sleeps like a normal person would, but Gears are FREAKY and I think it would be much funnier if they slept hanging from the ceiling by their feet or something wild like that. 

💀 First thing after waking up headcanons: 

Morning tea, absolutely. Then breakfast. I think Testament enjoys trying new recipes when they can so if they aren’t in a hurry that day, they try something different each morning. Testament feels like the type who would subscribe to all kinds of different topics of newsletters, several of which are from recipe/cooking sites. They have neatly hand-written index cards of recipes they tried and liked that they bring out when guests come over. 

💀 Favorite locations headcanon:

Out in nature for sure, but mostly resting by streams in forests or in the shade on a beach where they can catch up on reading and planning new projects or trips. They don’t like the mountains as much because it’s too windy that high up and it makes it hard to keep the right page open in their book. 

[emilee-3d]

Thoughts on Gender #1

I think about my gender very infrequently these days. That's probably why I came to the conclusion during this pandemic, while I was alone and with myself and my own thoughts for extended periods of time, that I'm some flavor of agender/genderfluid/genderqueer/nonbinary. I'm not really sure what to label it as I don't particularly care (okay I care a little). I'm just me, that's it. I don't think I need more of an explanation than that. I use she/they pronouns interchangeably, femininity and androgyny/genderless...ness just kind of mingle around in me with no real leaning toward either. But while I don't really think about my gender now, everyone else does. And when I was a kid they did A LOT, and I did too. Like I was always the kid that wanted to do the same shit my brother did, because my brother was a boy and got to do things I wasn't "allowed" to do because of some arbitrary guidelines based on my body's presentation to the world. Gross story, but I remember asking my mom when I was a little why my brother could pee outside and I couldn't and she said "well... because he's a boy, he's got different parts than you, it's something he can do that you can't," and I took this as a challenge to PROVE to her that duh, of course I can pee outside, see it's easy, I don't see what the big deal is. And I did and she dropped that argument shortly after (lol). I think my mom is one of the few people that never really limited me because of my gender. She certainly has SOME gendered shit that I'd prefer she drop (but I think it's some kind of parental love that drives those things), but she never really said "oh you can't do that because you're a GIRL." Meanwhile, my life (much like a lot of queer folks) was marked with a myriad of "you can't do that because of your gender" bullshit. Can't play baseball, but you can play softball. Can't join football, but you can be a cheerleader. Can't date girls because you're a "girl", can't be loud, can't be too quiet, can't be weird or strange or artsy or have short hair or wear clothing outside your genders limited closet choices, can't be sad or angry or depressed but you can certainly fake and ooze tremendous amounts of insincere happiness and positivity! I have never understood WHY I got this treatment. I consistently proved that I could do literally everything I've been told I couldn't do. Yeah, maybe I'm BAD at doing those things (cough sports I'M SHORT SUE ME cough), but I CAN do them, and my gender doesn't really factor into why I can or can't do those things. I think that's what always got me, it wasn't about my body, because boys with a similar body type to mine were allowed to do things I was banned from doing. It was about my GENDER. It was an arbitrary, completely non-issue thing to me that I was constantly having to fight against. And why?! My assumed gender is constantly brought to my attention by people that don't even care to know what I'm good at, what I can and can't do, what I'm capable of. People stare at me, assume I'm a woman, and from there they follow the standard dialog options of how to treat a woman. It's always been a brief glance at a feminine figure and a split-second judgement that forced me into a binary that deep down I never thought myself a part of. And I shouldn't play dumb, I KNOW why people treat people the way they do (patriarchal systems of power, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc etc take your pick y'all), but it doesn't make it less frustrating when I go through my daily life and I some stranger makes an assumption about me and now suddenly I'm forced into the role of "woman" against my will. I guess what I'm saying is, I don't need a gender to feel valid in the person I am. Femininity and being identified as a woman for so long shaped the person I am, and it will probably continue to shape me for the rest of my life. But I don't DEFINE myself as a woman, and I don't think I ever have. I define myself as just... me. I guess. And I like me. And me is good and cool and funny and weird and hot (lol). I am not a woman or a man or some 3rd gender. I exist comfortably in my body and present as myself. I don't know what that makes me, but I'm just glad to be here. . . . . . Afterword More thoughts to come I suppose?! I'm new to this whole "not having a gender" thing so I'm kind of just working things out in my brain and writing things out feels cathartic. I really don't think about it that much, but I'd like to because I don't know, maybe other people can relate or give me advice or share their experiences with me too. GENDER IS WEIRD AIN'T IT.

[genderqueerq]

Do cis people have a sense of gender / “feel” their gender somehow or do you only notice when something’s “not matching up” or when it’s fluid and you can actually compare?

I’m mostly just curious, because being afab and kinda feminine/more androgynous/definitely not masculine and having no gender dysphoria, I always thought, obviously I’m cis (and I still think that).

But since identifying as queer in terms of orientation, I’ve been learning more about gender and noticed: I don’t actually “know” I’m a girl or “feel” it somehow. It’s not a big part/not any part of my identity as a person. But I also don’t “feel” non binary or male or anything else. I just don’t or don’t care about it if that makes sense. I’m equally comfortable with she/her and they/them, my style is pretty androgynous, I have short hair, etc. If someone assumed I was non binary and used they/them I probably wouldn’t correct them. It’s not important to me to be perceived as a girl. Though I don’t like he/him or being/presenting masculine, that might just be my personality/style preference and me being very used to being a girl. I think if the choice is “typical” girl or “typical” boy, then I definitely fit better into girl, but that might just be being raised as girl with mostly female friends?

Sorry for the long ask, basically the question is: Does this mean I’m agender, something else or just cis and not stereotypically female and looking too much into it? Am I supposed to “feel”/“know” I’m a girl or is being afab and being “fine with it” enough?

I would be very grateful for any tip or thoughts or if you’ve heard about similar things from other cis/not cis people. Thank you! <3

to address your first question, i think cis people experience a range of feeling into their genders just as much as trans people do; i think for some people their strong commitment to their gender leads them to experience transphobia and homophobia - prejudice against those they perceive as "not doing gender correctly". others may feel more neutral or apathetic about their gender - going along as they were assigned because it's comfortable enough that they don't feel any strong desire to change either way.

sometimes cis people do think deeply about their gender and come to the conclusion that yes, the one they were assigned does feel best to them. one of my partners, a cis man, went through a period of questioning when his wife began her gender transition, and ultimately found that he felt right at home in his masculine body. cis people can learn a lot about themselves from these kinds of experiences just like many trans people learn from the same kind of introspection and trying new things.

judith butler writes a lot about "doing gender"; you might be interested in reading some of their work (i'd recommend gender trouble (1990)). i'm no butler scholar and haven't honestly read them in years, but one thing that stuck in my mind from the time i studied them was the idea that all of us, cis and trans alike, are performing our genders. since gender and sex are both socially constructed ideas, gender presentation is a choice we are making every day about how we want to show up in the world.

having a neutral/feminine gender presentation as a woman is just as valid as having a neutral/feminine gender presentation as a nonbinary person. a she/they woman is just as valid as a she/they agender or genderqueer or non-gendered person. women can be androgynous and masculine and nonbinary people can be feminine! the label you choose to use is less important than expressing yourself in a way that makes you happy and comfortable.

(this is getting long and i'm not sure i actually answered your question; definitely hop back in the ask box if you have any other thoughts to share on this or if i can explain something better lol)

[leg-made-a-thing]

quick content warning here for discussion of identity, race, sexuality, gender, and all that good stuff. also it gets very rambly after the first paragraph so if you’re not into that, maybe don’t with this one, yeah? :^)

gonna be honest i’ve been thinking a lot recently about the fact that infernocross (my main worldbuilding/fiction-writing thing) has, like, no female characters in it. like… violen is agender and caliber’s nonbinary, but i can’t think of a single character i have that isn’t at least male-presenting… and the worst part is i can’t figure out if it’s a problem or not.

on one hand, i want my works to be accessible to and able to be enjoyed by as many people as possible, and i’ve heard it’s a big deal for people to have characters they can resonate & identify with, but on the other hand, i really don’t want to have diversity for the sake of diversity, y’know? like… going back to violen and caliber, violen is agender because he was raised by his asshole father to one day take over as the ruler of hell, which included a lot of stereotypes and expectations about being male being forced on him pretty aggressively, so to not identify as male is freeing to him. caliber is nonbinary because he just doesn’t understand/care to understand his gender beyond “labels are bullshit and i do not vibe with the one i’ve been given”. to give a more “externally-perceptible identity” based example (for lack of a better term, even though the term i used probably makes zero sense), beetle raider (specifically the guy in the suit) is black (correct me if i’m wrong but i think that’s the correct word, given the context? idk, i’m referring to the actual description of skin tone, not the culture surrounding it, if that makes sense. i swear i’m not racist.) not just because a lot of my other characters are either white or not human and i didn’t want to accidentally imply there was a mass genocide or eugenics movement between the nuclear warfare that destroyed civilisation and the start of the series, but also as a reference/allusion/whatever to static shock, cyborg from the 2005 teen titans series, and the red SPD ranger, because dammit if those three didn’t shape 3-year-old me’s taste in superhero shows, then idk what did.

what i’m trying to say, i guess, is that there’s a reason for all my characters to have the identities they do, whether that reason be in-universe, or irl. but i can’t think of an organic way to have a female or at least feminine character in the story without having it be like “oh it’s so-and-so’s ex/girlfriend” or whatever. like… am i actually sexist and i’m just not aware of it? do i not know how to write a female character? i mean, maybe. i’m not a woman (i don’t think) but i know how not to write them, i’m pretty sure.

idk. is this even really an issue? maybe i’m overthinking it too much. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i’d appreciate any thoughts on the matter, if you’ve got any. if you got this far, thanks for reading through my ramblings. i’m gonna go let my brain cool off for a bit. writing this was hard.

[selfrinsert-archive]

I have no idea what my gender is but just know I'm never heterosexual

[curryswirl]

higurashi headcanons.

notes under the cut

Satoko is a trans girl. While I think she could be bi, i think she has a particular struggle with her attraction to women once she reaches high school and accepting it is a huge part of her early adulthood. I also love looking at Satoko’s exaggerated “proper lady” bit as a way for her to connect with and have fun with her gender euphoria. See Satoshi’s notes for more details about Satoko’s transition.

Rika is a lesbian, (barely a headcanon) and though I didn’t write it down, I think she considers herself agender, but femme aligned for sure. shrug. I think Rika, being so disconnected from Hinamizawa’s cultural rules, would be ultra supportive of anyone in her life who was a budding queer. She has a large hand in helping Satoko discover this. I think that Hanyuu’s alien origin also opens her mind to the fluidity of gender extremely early in her life.

Mion is a trans girl, and bi. I think that Mion’s deep insecurity about being percieved as a “girl” even though she has “boyish” (ie rowdy) traits has always felt very Gender to me. I think Mion might have began transitioning pretty soon before the story, definetly some time late 1982. I think that additionally, Mion’s crisis wrt Keiichi giving the doll to Rena could hit Shion harder if she was reminded of the general transphobia of the village, seeing as I headcanon Satoshi as an nb trans man as well. More on that in his section.

Shion, being Mion’s identical twin, is also a trans girl. Being exiled and feeling alone for her whole life probably has given her a lot of time to self reflect and I think that Shion began her transition much before Mion. The Sonozaki’s largely ignored this/chose not to acknowledge it/let it fuel their distaste for Shion for sure, but she found acceptance after Mion began her own transition, as Mion is the golden child and her conviction toward her identity impressed Oryou, who essentially dictates everyone’s opinion on the matter anyway.

Hanyuu is a gender fluid person who uses she/he/it. Originally being an incorporeal space creature, I don’t think that Hanyuu’s race had much of a perception of gender, but Hanyuu found euphoria in womanhood and manhood while adapting to human life. Also she’s huge. Which means Eua is even huger.

Keiichi is a he/him lesbian!! I’m not sure why but I’ve been so drawn to this HC lately. Maybe because it makes most of the love interests in lesbian ones if so :P Anyways, Keiichi grew up in the city where I think he was more able to find queer education despite being lonesome and it being the 80′s, especially if he had any awareness of American politics at the time. I think he may be the type to use he/him confidently with friends but have a hard time getting his parents to remember his pronouns because he’s not a trans man.

Satoshi is a trans man, though!! My idea for Satoko and Satoshi is that when their parents died and their Uncle and Aunt took them in, they managed to switch names and go stealth since their Aunt and Uncle probably didn’t give enough of a shit about them to know who was the older one prior to being saddled with them. I imagine they were very ostracized anyway, and Chie is definetly supportive of trans identities, so the transition went well for them both. Rika assuredly help pay for both of their wardrobes with her inheritance, and Chie helped change their legal documents (illegally I think because of laws in Japan but it’s a tiny town, so it wasn’t too hard hehe.)

And finally Rena, who is nonbinary!! I think Rena has a very unique idea about what is “cute” and coupled with their parents being fashion designers i think they would experiment ALOT with their presentation, and eventually land off of the binary spectrum. I like the idea of them gravitating toward their Dad because of his support for them in this regard. Rena definetly reads a lot of queer literature and history!!

[dirk-has-rabies]

Gender variance and it's link with neurodivergency

Okay so this is it going to be another long one

All quotes will be sourced with a link to the scientific journal I took it from

Okay Tumblr, let's talk gender (I know, your favorite topic) my preface on why this topic matters to me is: I'm autistic ( diagnosed moderate to severe autism) I'm nonbinary trans ( in a way that most non-autistic people don't understand and actually look down on)  and I went to college for gender study ( Mostly for intersex studies but a lot of my research was around non-binary and trans identities) I will be using the term autism as pants when I have experience with however when ADHD is part of the study I will use ND which stands for neurodivergent and yes this is going to be about xenogenders and neopronouns.

autism can affect gender the same way autism can affect literally every part of an identity. a big thing about having autism is the fact that it completely can change how you view personhood and time and object permanence and gender and literally all types of socially constructed ideas. let me also say hear that just because Society creates and enforces an idea does it mean that it doesn't exist to all people it just me that there is no nature law saying that it's real and the “rules” for these ideas can change and delete and create as time and Society evolves and changes.  gender is one of those constructs.

Now I'll take it by you reading this you know what transgender people are  (if you don't understand what a trans person is send me an ask and I'll type you up a pretty little essay lmao,  or Google it but that's a scary thought sense literally any Source or website can come up on Google including biased websites so be careful I guess LOL) anyway to be super basic trans people are anyone who doesn't identify as the gender they were assigned at Birth (yes that includes non-binary people I could do a whole nother essay about that shit how y'all keep spreading trying to separate non-binary people from the trans umbrella)  some people don't like to use the label and that is totally fine by the way.

now autistic people to view the world in a way differently than allistic (neurotypical) ppl do.  we don't take everything people teach us at 100% fact and we tend to question everything and demand proof and evidence for things before we can set it as a fact in our brains. This leads to why a lot of autistic people are atheist (although a lot of religions and this is not bashing on religious people at all I am actually a Jewish convert)  this questioning leads to a lot of social constructs being ignored or not understood At All by a lot of autistic people and personally I think that's a good thing.  allistics take everything their parents and teachers and schools teach them as fact until someone else says something and then they pick which ones to believe. autistic people study and research and learn about a topic before forming an opinion and while this may lead to them studying and believing very biased material and spitting it out as fact it can also lead them to try and Discover it is real by themselves.

because of this autistic people are more question their gender or not fall in a binary way at all as the concept of gender makes no sense to a lot of us. “ if gender is a construct then autistic people who are less aware of social norms are less likely to develop a typical gender identity”

no really look: “ children and teens with autism spectrum disorder ASD or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder ADHD  are much more likely to express a wish to be the opposite sex compared with their typical developing peers” That was posted in 2014. we have been saying this stuff forever but no one wants to listen. the thing is gender variance (being not cisgender or at least questioning it)  has always been closely hand-in-hand with autistic and ADHD people I'm even the doctor who did that study understood right away that it all made sense the whole time: “ Dr. Strang said they were initially surprised to find an overrepresentation of gender variance among children with ADHD. However, they later realized that prior studies have shown increased levels of disruptive behavior and other behavioral problems among young people with gender variance”  SEE YOURE NOT WEIRD YOURE JUST YOU AND YOURE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!

5% autistic people who did the study were trans or questioning. it was also equal between the Sexes fun fact. that may not seem like a lot till you realize that the national average is only .7% that's literally over 700% higher than the national average. That's so many! and that's just in America.

 in Holland there was a study in 2010 “ nearly 8% of the more than 200 Children and adolescents referred to a clinic for gender dysphoria also came up positive on a assessment for ASD” they weren't even testing for ADHD so the numbers could be even higher!

now I want to talk about a  certain section of the trans umbrella that a lot of autistic people fall under called the non-binary umbrella. non-binary means anything that isn't just male or just female. it is not one third gender and non-binary doesn't mean that you don't have a gender. just clearing that up since cis people keep spreading that. non-binary is an umbrella term for any of the infinite genders you could use or create. now this is where I'm going to lose a bunch of you and that's okay because you don't have to understand our brains or emotions To respect us as real people. not many allistics can understand how we see and think and relate to things and that's okay you don't have to understand everything but just reading about this could be so much closer to respecting us for Who We Are from you've ever been and that's better than being against us just for existing.

now you might have heard of my Mutual Lars who was harassed  by transmeds for using the term Autigender (I was going to link them but if it gets traction I don't want them to get any hate)  since a lot of people roll their eyes at that  and treated them disgustingly for using a term that 100% applied correctly.  Autigender  is described as " a neurogender which can only be understood in the context of being autistic or when one's autism greatly affects one's gender or how one experiences gender. Autigender is not autism as a gender, but rather is a gender that is so heavily influenced by autism that one's autism and one's experience of gender cannot be unlinked.” Now tell me that doesn't sound a lot like this entire essay I've been working on with full sources…..

xenogenders and neopronouns are a big argument point on whether or not people “believe” in non binary genders but a big part of those genders is that they originated from ND communities and are ways that we can try to describe what gender means us in a way that cis or even allistic trans people just can't comprehend or ever understand. Same with MOGAI genders or sexualities. A lot of these are created as a way to somehow describe an indescribable relationship with gender that is so personal you really cant explain it to anyone who isnt literally the same as you.

Even in studies done with trans autistic people a large amount of them dont even fall on a yes or no of having a gender at all and fall in some weird inbetween where you KINDA have a gender but its not a gender in the sense that others say it is but its also too much of a gender so say youre agender. And this is the kind of stuff that confuses allistic trans people and makes them think nonbinary genders are making stuff up for attention, which isnt true at all we just cant explain what it feels like to BE a trans autistic person to anyone who doesnt ALREADY know how it feels.

In this study out of the ppl questioned almost HALF of the autistic trans individuals had a “Sense of identity revolving around interests” meaning their gender and identity was more based off what they liked rather than boy or girl. That makes ppl with stuff like vampgender or pupgender make a lot more sense now doesnt it? We see that even in the study: “My sense of identity is fluid, just as my sense of gender is fluid […] The only constant identity that runs through my life as a thread is ‘dancer.’ This is more important to me than gender, name or any other identifying features… even more important than mother. I wouldn't admit that in the NT world as when I have, I have been corrected (after all Mother is supposed to be my primary identification, right?!) but I feel that I can admit that here. (Taylor)” and an agreement from another saying “Mine is Artist. Thank you, Taylor. (Jessie)” now dont you think if they grew up with terms like artistgender or dancergender they would just YOINK those up right away????

In fact “An absence of a sense of gender or being unsure of how their gender should “feel” was another common report” because as ive said before in this post AUTISTIC PEOPLE DONT SEE GENDER THE WAY ALLISTIC PEOPLE SEE IT. therefore we wont use the same terms or have the same identities nor could we explain it to anyone who doesnt already understand or question the same way! Participants even offered up quotes such as “As a child and even now, I don't ‘feel’ like a gender, I feel like myself and for the most part I am constantly trying to figure out what that means for me (Betty)” and also “I don't feel like a particular gender I'm not even sure what a gender should feel like (Helen)”

Now i know this isnt going to change everyones minds on this stuff but i can only hope that it at least helped people feel like theyre not broken and not alone in their feelings about this. You dont have to follow allistic rules. You dont have to stop searching inside for who you really wanna be. And you dont have to pick or choose terms forever because just as you grow and evolve so may your terms. Its okay to not know what or who you are and its okay to identify as nonhuman things or as your interests because what you love and what you do is a big part of who you are and shapes you everyday. Its not a bad thing! Just please everyone, treat ppl with respect and if you dont understand something that doesnt make it bad or wrong it just means its not for you. And thats okay.

[dathen]

I cannot emphasize enough how much exclusionism harms LGBT ace and aro people.  There is no such thing as “well those aces are allowed, I’m just worried about straight infiltration” because they’re not actually doing shit to include even the aces that they give their free pass to!

I am asexual, aromantic, and agender.  While a lot of people would say that being nonbinary/agender doesn’t count as trans, but for the sake of theory let’s say it does.  By supposed exclusionist theory, one of these identities allows me to be included in queer spaces--my gender identity.  By their logic this should mean I have nothing to worry about, right?

Except I can’t check my asexual and aromantic identities at the door.  I may have three separate words to define myself, but in reality they’re so intertwined I can barely tell where one ends and where another begins.  I was best able to explore being agender when around other aromantic and asexual people, who had similar experiences as me.  I can’t put into words how beneficial this was in a very dark time in my life.

LGBT aces are not accepted by exclusionists in any real sense of the word.  We constantly see your mockery and your ace cringe compilation posts, we constantly see the “I hope ace people have a bad day--gays and lesbians only!” shitposts.  We’re told that half of our identity is embarrassing and childish and humiliating, don’t talk about it, pretend it away, only hype the attraction we do have (if any).  If you’re a trans aroace person like myself, you’re completely out of luck--it’s difficult enough for the community to remember that trans people exist and don’t also need to justify their place in the community with LGB attraction.  Hell, I remember seeing some using the term “queer trans people” to separate them out from straight and aroace trans people, to make sure the rest of us know we’re not welcome.

It erases the extremely important space to talk about the intersection of being ace and LGBT.  People shouldn’t have to talk about their sexuality while bottling up how being ace or aro affects it.  People shouldn’t be made to think that being ace or aro makes them a diluted form of queerness.  I shouldn’t have to untangle the jumble that is my identity, peel away and discard the threads of asexuality and aromanticism and how those have affected my life, and somehow try to talk about and relate to my gender as a stand-alone thing.  

This is NOT “acceptance.”  This is NOT “oh we’re just trying to keep straight people out.”  

When I first started considering I may not be straight, the first resources I found were LGBT blogs that said that asexuality was just people with so much internalized homophobia that they couldn’t accept their own attraction.  I tried forcing myself to have attraction, training myself to warm up to the idea of having sex, and just traumatized myself further.  I still don’t think I’ve recovered from this almost ten years later, and I think the extent of my sex repulsion came from these self-corrective behaviors.  While I’ve seen people who formerly identified as asexual later decide a different identity fits them better, stating this is fact for everyone who doesn’t experience attraction is unspeakably harmful.

I’ve been in this game for a long time, well before the backlash that caused aspec resources to vanish, back before “discourse” was even a commonly used word.  I used to try to play along with what everyone told me to do to be a Good Little Ace.  Avoided calling myself “queer” because only people with attraction can call themselves that, right?  So if I made a post about the struggles I had with self-worth and suicide ideation as an asexual person, in hopes to reaching other asexual people with similar struggles as me, I was still staying within the lines!  No mention of being part of any community or calling myself “queer” or “LGBT” or anything!  It didn’t prevent me from getting so much harassment I had to deactivate my blog, half of involved accusations of “you’re just pretending to be oppressed so you can infiltrate the LGBT community!” even though I hadn’t said a word about it in my posts!

I am so discouraged by young people who are already so deep in exclusionist rhetoric, and who would rather swallow up and parrot unquestioned hatred rather than think about the harm they’re doing.  If your attitude is “I’m not an aphobe, I’m just an exclusionist,” please stop and think of the actual effects of your beliefs.  Listen to the people this affects, listen to how this has affected our entire lives.  This isn’t an announcement that we’re more oppressed than you, this is a call to recognize we’re with you and that giving us space and companionship and support can be literally life-saving.  I am begging for people to listen to each other’s experiences, see and hear us as people, rather than just a jumble of letters to unfeelingly sort.  

[honeyandbloodpoetry]

Gender Thoughts Pt 1 and 2

The first time I put a binder on, a little under a week ago, I felt euphoric. Ever since I hit puberty very early on, I felt uncomfortable with my breasts. They never felt right on me, and even though I’ve come to love them sometimes, they still don’t always feel like they match up. I hated how people always looked at them, pointed out how much they showed in low cut shirts when I never even noticed they were--or even wanted them to. They were just there. I liked the way low cut shirts feel and look on me, I just can’t help these giant sacks of flesh that sit on my chest. 

Except...now I can! I ran my hands over my smooth chest, feeling bright. I looked into the mirror, and felt something warm wash over me. I put on my new masculine clothes, letting my partner clip on my new suspenders. I realized that I was shaking as I looked at myself again… I looked like a boy. I felt like a boy. Like a man. And I liked it. I wanted it. Admitting that to myself was like coming home. 

I remember being in sixth grade, walking around the track for my civil air patrol class. I had been slotted in with the rest of the girls, the boys walking ahead of us. I remember feeling uncomfortable being shoved in with only girls, and looking at the gaggle of boys ahead. The exact thought that whispered in my brain was “I wish I was a boy. I want to be like them, with them.” I never forgot that moment, and how strange it made me feel. How it was easier to shake that thought away, and dismiss those feelings. Except they never really left, did they? 

I remember sitting on my bed, crying with my best friend kneeling in front of me. I remember telling her how I didn’t like feeling like a woman all the time. That I wished I could be a black shadow, monstrous, androdynous. Specifically like Venom. She took my hand, did my makeup all in black and helped me pick out the perfect black outfit to achieve that dark, gothic look. I was so incredibly happy and validated. But I still felt like something was missing. 

I remember going into an Adam and Eve for laugh, not expecting much since I am an asexual with a low libido. I remember seeing packers and feeling my chest tighten. I never liked my genitalia--I had wished for a cloaca or something akin to that, but since that was biologically impossible for a human… I sometimes wished I had the opposite of a vagina. I frequently imagined what it would be like to have a penis. I frequently lamented the fact that I didn’t have one. I took the box up to the counter to ask some questions, my dress swishing as I went. The cashier told me it was for trans people only, and a girl like me couldn’t have it. She didn’t know what asexuality was, and had tried polyamory once but decided it was bad when her girlfriend kissed her boyfriend. I was upset, disheartened, and left the store empty handed feeling frustrated and lost.

I remember finally cutting the long, curly locks that had frustrated and imprisoned me for so long. Seeing all of my hair fall to the floor, staring into the mirror as the barber buzzed the back of my head… It made me want to cry tears of joy. It was the first time in my entire life that I had looked at my hair and was happy. The first time I could look in the mirror and feel like myself. Then I remember wanting to go shorter, and my barber encouraging me to keep it a little longer so I didn’t look manly, so I could still be soft and feminine. The way my stomach dropped and the sick feeling in my chest only increased when he began to make fun of the gay men who came down the street near his favorite restaurant. I never saw that barber again. I instead found a nice local place down the road from my apartment, where the kind lady cut it all off without question, other than “Why?” and accepted my warm “It makes me happy. It makes me feel beautiful.” 

But wearing that binder for the first time? It was as if a beam of light had funneled its way directly into my heart. I felt like a handsome man, with just a little bit of striking man boob, and it felt so right. My partner called me a dashing boy and my heart began to race. I still feel his hand tracing my jawline as he called me handsome, and the butterflies it sent up through my belly, even after more than eleven years. 

I love my partner--he identifies as agender and primarily masculine, and has been on the lookout for a good pair of size thirteen shoes to wear with a dress. They also wear joggers and flip flops and graphic tees and can’t seem to stop talking about the ocean and outer space. They’re probably one of my biggest inspirations for finding myself, and being authentically me. 

I’m not super sure who or what I am right now. I’m still figuring that out, but I’m pretty sure I’m somewhere between agender and genderfluid. I feel like me more than anything else, but all pronouns make me feel good. I feel like all of them and none of them at once, but I swing between wanting to be feminine and masculine pretty strongly, though I enjoy being masculine most of all--even when I’m wearing dresses and pink. I feel like a beautiful person in a dress or a button down, no matter what gender I feel like today or tomorrow. 

I am me. And I am one dashing boy, and one beautiful girl. 

4 July 2021

XXX

Since first writing this little essay, I’ve been doing a lot more examination of my gender. I have come to the conclusion that I am transmasc and nonbinary, and am shaky on the title of genderfluid. I am feeling less and less like a woman--if anything, occasionally adjacent to a woman rather than actually being one. I love feeling like and presenting as a man. I have my first appointment with a gender services doctor at my local community clinic for consultation on starting hrt testosterone. I am planning to start with low dose first, and see how I feel. 

I am still unsure of my exact identity, but I have found great euphoria with being and presenting as a man. I love being a man and everything that entails. I have loved myself like never before. Being with my partner is amazing, and he has been endlessly supportive--even recounting little things they had noticed throughout the years. One of the funniest being that I only ever referred to my body parts--my belly, hands, hair, genitalia--with masculine pronouns. I always seemed to see my body as male even if I had a certain sort of dissonance from it. 

Coming out has been difficult. I have had both positive and negative experiences from it. I have been told going on testosterone would be self harm, and that I can’t be something I’m not. I’ve had coworkers I trusted out me without my permission. But I have also had positive affirmation, polite questions, and discussions. I am terrified to tell my mother and her boyfriend--I have no idea how they will react and am terrified that I will be disrespected and disowned. 

But I am prepared to do whatever it takes to be my happiest and most authentic self. 

I have been binding a lot more often, wearing sports bras for long shifts at work, and occasionally going without either when I feel like letting my man boobs hang free. I’ve had the delightful experience of going to a men’s big and tall store and finally wearing pants. I grew up as a fat girl and felt as if I had to perform high femininity to be taken seriously and be treated well--and had been told by someone I trusted that I was too fat to wear pants, which I heavily internalized. So I had completely cast them away in favor of dresses and skirts, bows and gaudy jewelry. Realizing that I could wear pants was...totally wild. That I could be comfortable and look good in pants and shorts, and that it didn’t matter what people did or thought of me was life changing. Maybe I’ll feel like being feminine again someday, but right now this masculinity and masculine clothing, with perhaps the added spice of funky earrings, feels like home. 

I also grew up autistic and with PCOS, both which I think have affected my gender identity. Being autistic, I truly struggled to connect to others socially, and especially to understand societal norms. Being a proper woman felt like I was making up for everything else I was lacking--I may have been awkward, semi-verbal and weird with no friends, but at least I was cute and girlish. I never connected to womanhood though, and always felt out of place no matter how hard I tried. With PCOS, I had heightened testosterone, which meant wider breasts and shoulders, a lack of periods, and excessive body hair. I recall the endocrinologist asking high school age me if I had excessive body hair around my stomach, breasts, etc. and my mother jumping to say no I didn’t...even though I did. I remember suddenly feeling very self aware and ashamed of something completely natural, and even something I started to enjoy. I started shaving my entire body then. 

I even remember being in middle school, and thinking nothing of my hairy legs. In fact, I loved my body hair and how it felt. A rude girl began making fun of me though, tutting her tongue as she cooed, “Aw, does your mommy not let you shave?” Among other things, all throughout many years of severe bullying and abuse. I remember feeling ashamed, but not knowing why, and immediately shaving my legs, covering them in nicks from my shaky and unsteady hands, that same night. 

So many things set me back in my gender expression. So many things contributed to me willful ignorance and denial. I remember wanting to be butch, and everyone in my life laughing at me and saying I was too soft for that. That sweet, sharp ache in my chest. I remember going to a salad bar with my mother, wearing a button up and telling her I wanted to wear some more boyish clothes around that same time--I had already told her that I was bi sometime earlier. I remember her lip curling, looking uncomfortable, and telling me that I better not become one of those boy girls. My late father was very vocal in denouncing homosexuality and specifically men loving men--something which always sat horribly wrong with me on a deeper level. 

I think I might ending up being a trans man. I am still unsure and figuring myself out, but I struggle greatly with the autistic need for sameness vs. the trans need for change. My sapphic love of women has always been very important to me, and fully becoming a man rather than genderfluid is scary for that very reason. I am still navigating my identity and what it means to me and my reality--but no matter what, being a man, being masculine is integral to who I am. 

I was called a “sir” at a job interview for the first time the other day, and nearly began to bawl from sheer joy. The gender euphoria from that and so many moments is worth so much more to me than the years of suffering and ignorance and my ongoing struggles with dysphoria. I finally got a packer and have had help from my partner in learning to position it properly--I am thinking of cutting my hair even shorter. I have almost perfected a pretty basic tie tying skill. Okay, not really, but I’m getting there. I feel deep inside that even though my father loved me, he would not like who and what I am. Still, I wear the last watch he ever wore, and hope to be a good man like him--and to learn from the toxic parts of him to be an even better man. 

I am very excited to start hrt. I am terrified of hair loss and vaginal atrophy, but I look forward to so much more. I cannot wait for bottom growth and body hair, for the voice drop that will hopefully get me misgendered less. I have always felt disconnected from my voice and look forward to getting to know it better as it changes with me. I look forward to meeting with new facial hair. Working out and growing muscle. I just look forward to my second puberty and becoming more like myself. I look forward to navigating and exploring my gender even further, both with loved ones, support groups, and myself. 

More than anything, I am just happy to be me. 

25 August 2021

[thechekhov]

Hey, so I have a crush on someone who’s non-binary but it’s very confusing for me. I just wanted to know what your explanation of non-binary is because I’m quite confused by it and I’m not sure how to feel about liking a non-binary person? Like what sexuality would that make me, you know. For context, I’m a guy and I’ve been trying to stop liking people other than girls but it obviously ain’t working, and I’m just trying to know more about it I guess, but I don’t wanna offend them?

The fact that you want to learn more about the person you have a crush on and care about their gender enough to ask is, first of all, super kind of you. I wanted to mention that. As a non-binary person who ended up with someone who ISN’T nonbinary, let me tell you… having that person respect your identity and presentation feels like a warm blanket around your shoulders every day. 

Okay, now onwards to the actual explaining. 

I think you probably are already somewhat aware but as a general blanket idea, non-binary people are people who don’t feel like their gender identity fits within the gender binary. 

The gender binary is a word we use to refer to the two.. hm… for lack of a better word ‘traditional’ genders - men and women. 

Everyone sees it a little differently, but personally I subscribe to the theory that gender IS a social construct. That isn’t to say it’s not real - it IS. But gender is not a set standard in society. Never has been. The roles, expectations, social status of men and women across the years has always been in flux. (How does each gender dress? What is ‘expected’ of each gender? etc) And across a variety of cultures and communities, humans have always had gender identities that HAVEN’T been ‘men’ or ‘women’ but instead identified as something else - either something in-between, or something removed from that binary altogether.

Since gender is a socially constructed and maintained identity, some people DON’T fit into the ‘traditional’ parameters and prefer to define their experiences in their own way. 

What this means, simply speaking, is that you MAY have grown up, been raised in the identity of ‘boy’ - and that feels comfortable for you. You are satisfied that other people view you as a guy, you are set in this part of your identity and it (presumably) affects how you act with other people and what you expect from yourself. Maybe that means being masculine. Maybe it means being a good boyfriend to someone and cooking them meals. Maybe it means moving to the countryside and raising sheep! Who knows. 

In the case of non-binary people, this default gender they are assigned at birth (the one based on genitals) is not actually in line with their personal expectations of themselves. They don’t identify with the blanket idea of being a ‘man’ or being a ‘woman’. They don’t feel like the label of ‘man’ or ‘woman’ defines the role they want to take in society accurately. 

There’s a sort of ‘mind game’ many people use to think about gender and stuff that goes like this - “Imagine you’re a guy and you wake up tomorrow in a woman’s body. How would you feel?”

It’s meant to put you into the shoes of transgender people and make you think about how society interacts with you when your gender identity and body don’t match. And it has some value….. to an extent. 

Personally I feel that it’s more accurate to put it this way: 

Imagine you wake up tomorrow, and nothing changes. You get dressed in your regular attire and go about your day to run errands or go to work, but people keep casually referring to you as ‘Blue’ and commenting that your clothes are odd and aren’t the right color. You go into a store and people give you weird looks. Some old lady comes up to you and says ‘Why are you out in public wearing green and khaki? Don’t you know you’re giving other Blue children the wrong idea?’ 

You feel confused - you just put on a shirt that’s comfortable, and it happened to be green. Other people around you constantly talk about their assigned ‘color’ and what it means to them. You have no idea what anyone is talking about, but you quickly figure out it has something to do with your eye color being blue. You try to go along with it for a while but it ends up being exhausting. You want to wear and do things you like, you have a personal connection to, but almost everything is influenced by your being ‘Blue’. 

Colored contacts are an option, but they bother your eyes and they’re expensive - plus if someone noticed you wearing them, they tend to get violent. Some people even suggest that if you don’t identify as blue, you could get eye surgery and change your eyes to green or brown. But you don’t want that either - it’s dangerous, and besides, you ultimately feel that none of these colors fit you, specifically. 

This is kind of a metaphor, as I’m sure you guessed, but it’s what I’ve personally felt like since I was a young child. I’m agender (part of the nonbinary crew) and I personally have NO idea what the fuck gender feelings are about. I know people HAVE them - I know people care about gender a LOT. People have tried to get me to adhere to the standards of my assigned gender since I was little and have been emotionally devastated on my behalf when puberty did not ‘gender me up’ as much as had been expected. And despite all this, I feel no sense of belonging to either of the binary gender roles. If I woke up tomorrow in a body with completely different genitals I wouldn’t give a single shit beyond the obvious logistics of like… having to change information on my driver’s license. I would feel absolutely no more ‘at home’ than I currently do. 

Your non-binary crush MAY or MAY NOT experience the world this way. Maybe they have different feelings about it. Thinking ‘this person doesn’t want to be identified as a man or a woman’ is a good place to start, but it’s not the end-all-be-all.

So what does that mean for your sexuality?

Well, that’s up to you! If you’re worried about not being straight, that’s fair (I feel like that’s honestly a given in a society that STILL associates non-straightness with a variety of negative stereotypes). But remember - just because you’re attracted to a non-binary person doesn’t mean to HAVE to reinvent yourself. You’re still you, you still have the same preferences - you maybe just discovered that your attraction scope is a bit wider than you thought. 

You can define your identity in a variety of ways - straight with some exceptions, bi-curious, pansexual... I know many people jump to say ‘if you’re in a relationship with a non-binary person that relationship is already NOT STRAIGHT, YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT’ but I personally see no positive benefits to defining people’s relationships for them.

I’d gather that for the time being, the best thing to do is to keep getting to know your crush - not as a gender, but as a person! See what they’re into, see what they like - how they like to spend time, what they prefer to be called, what they want out of life. Don’t focus on their gender unless they want you to. If and when the time comes to discuss your attraction and define it, then you can ask them to help you figure it out. :) 

Unfortunately necessary disclaimer: As I’ve mentioned, all things here are my own personal experiences, and are not meant to be statements defining of the community. If you disagree with how I parse gender, feel free to make your own post and explain YOUR ideas! Please be kind in the comments - we’re all just trying to make it to the end of the decade. :) 

[roxzania]

My Wisdom

So, I get asked quite frequently on my LGBTQ+ Roblox Community about a lot of LGBTQ+ stuff. It's kind of awesome to help people out on that platform, but also a bit risky since you can (and most likely will) get banned for saying positive things about the LGBTQ+ community. People who tend to say bad things are less likely to get in trouble compared to the people who are sending positivity, making avatar accessories, LGBTQ+ friendly "experiences", and so on. Overall, the outcome of the staff being really anti-LGBTQ+ (and I still have the emails telling me I cannot upload LGBTQ+ flag decals and accessories) has put a damper on my mood for the past few months. And in spite, I turned my old avatar accessory stuff into IRL merch. So they can suck it! | My DNI List | (mobile version)| With that said, I have quite a lot of questions from the group which is about 600+ people now. Still growing and lots of questions almost weekly, and really good questions that I wish I could explain more about. So... this is kinda what I'm going to do here. This is a butt load of Q&A;

I get this question quite a few times: What spectrum or umbrella is genderfluid classified as? Genderfluid can fit under many umbrellas and spectrums because of how fluid it is. The majority of the time, it's mostly labeled under the Transgender, Nonbinary, and Multigender umbrellas and spectrum. But it can include various other umbrellas/spectrums, including Agender, Xenogender, and Demigender (possibly even more) depending on how an individual feels about their gender identity. Of course, since it's a part of so many it can be considered on its own in a way. Again, it's all up to the individual, since everyone experiences it differently.

"If I went from demiromantic to akoiromantic in the span of a few weeks, and I sometimes feel less romantic than other times, would that be Aroflux?" Aroflux is when someone fluctuates across the aromantic spectrum and sometimes even into the alloromantic spectrum too. So, if someone were to feel their romantic attraction fluctuates mostly on the aromantic spectrum, Aroflux would be a term to describe that feeling. And it never has to be the entire aromantic spectrum, it can be specific terms or feelings instead. But I wholeheartedly recommend doing research on your own to figure out if you really identify with Aroflux or any other term. Sometimes reading through the aromantic spectrum list helps people.

"Is it normal to have multiple orientations?" Yes! And it's very valid! When most people think of multiple orientations, they think of the different attractions. For example, someone being Biromantic and Asexual. Or Demisexual and Lesbian. But you can also have multiple terms for the same kind of attraction! You can be mspec lesbian or mspec gay, those are valid (don't believe anyone who says otherwise)! People generally use multiple orientations to fill in the gaps one term may leave for them, as not everyone has the same definition or feeling for a term. The difference should be respected because it's important for some people and that matters the most!

"do you have any tips on coming out?" I've only come out to my closest family and all my friends pretty much know beforehand. But I know it depends on who you're trying to come out to. And age sometimes matters (like if your young and under guardianship still), because it's not very safe for youth to come out when their guardians are hostile towards LGBTQ+ members. Even though, I dislike letting people have to hide or feel fear of the idea... I do want to look out for people's safety. I don't want people to get hurt in any way. And sometimes waiting to come out is a better option. If you know your family is conservative, be a little cautious. Think about your plan of coming out. Maybe ask questions to get an idea of what they think about LGBTQ+. For example; "Do you know what Pride Month is?". Sometimes that sounds like your seeking answers to curiosity without outing yourself before you know their thoughts. I know a bit from experience, cause I'm still waiting to come out and some of my family is conservative. This is sort of my plan to work up the courage and know it's safe to come out to them. And as someone older and still hearing what family says, it sounds a lot different once you understand what they're talking about.

"I have been in the Nonbinary umbrella a while and I kinda think I am still a girl but I am not sure since I don't like the girl title on me..." It's up to the individual in the end. But also, pronouns do not equal gender. And gender does not equal physical appearance. So, if that's your main concern you are still valid no matter what gender identity you identify with. Dress how you want and use the pronouns that make you comfortable! But if you still concerned, I do again recommend some research. But there are many types of non-binary genders out there. You can even use multiple to define yourself! If it's an intensity fluctuation where you feel like a girl strongly at one moment but then not at all another moment, it could be similar to a Demigender. There's also Paragender, similar to Demigender which is to describe more of someone who feels more like one gender but there is still a small part of them that feels like another or a combination of others. But those are only two of the many many options out there! There are tons of genders that are feminine/female/girl-aligned, close but not quite feminine/female/girl, or even just a tiny bit feminine/female/girl-aligned, while also still being nonbinary in some way. Nonbinary is a rather large umbrella, so there is a big list to research and choose from!

This is a two-part question and I had a little help answering it with @orlan-the-sapphic on my group's wall. It was an awesome question and really interesting! "Can Demigirlfluidflux be a thing? Or am I just really indecisive? I'm really confused on which I am it's all mixed up for me" Orlan's reply: "I'm pretty sure it's possible. I mean there's already a term for Demifluidflux but without the girl or something female part. I mean you could probably make the term of the identity yourself if someone hasn't already if that's what you find for who you are or for others too". (I love Orlan's reply, couldn't have said it better myself). I definitely believe Demigirlfluidflux is a thing. I'd imagine it's probably a combination of Demifluidflux and Girlflux, or maybe Demifluidflux and Demigirl (possibly even all three?). I'm unable to find a definition for it, but it's probably similar to Demifluidflux but with female being static (stationary or main, not meant to mean strictly binary) gender alongside possible other genders and intensities. It would make sense since demigirl is a label based off of demigender but defines more of the female-aligned experience. But coming back to what Orlan said, if someone wants to they can make their own term. This might including making your own flag (whether it's a combination or completely new)! "I have another question... does Agenderfluix mean both fluid and flux with any gender? And if not is there a Agender term for being fluidflux with only demigirl and demiboy?" Agenderfluix, from my understanding, is mostly considered Agender however similar to how Fluidflux fluctuates in between different genders and different intensities. There are many ways for it to fluctuate and can experience many genders as it's a mixed term of Genderfluid, Genderflux, and Agender based off of the wiki page I linked. As for another term for Fluidflux, I couldn't find one with just demigirl and demiboy. I would imagine it's probably a mixed term like Agenderfluix. Maybe named something like Demibifluidflux? A mixture of Demigender, Bigender, and Fluidflux. It would be something I recommend searching up. If nothing pops up, again people can make their own terms to help identify themselves the way they want.

And last but not least; "Is it possible to just not identify as a gender? I find it annoying finding it out and I identify as Agender now, but I don't know if that will stick. My gender switches between most genders and then sometimes I don't identify as one..." That is a possibility and it's really up to the individual on how they want to identify or not identify. As someone who is Genderfluid, I often feel like this. Either I; switch between many genders, don't know what I am, only switch between certain ones most of the time, just don't want to deal with the hassle of figuring it out, or feel like nothing at all. There have been so many feelings about gender I've experienced over the past 4ish years of knowing I was Genderfluid, plus more before knowing (which was really confusing at first). And the thing about Genderfluid is that it's not always a broad spectrum. You can be specific genders throughout your entire experience, either fluctuate regularly or in the past. It happens to some people and that's okay! Sometimes it is just a hassle to call it something, so it's okay if you don't use a term. You don't need a label to be valid! Genderfluid is probably one of the broader terms to use when someone experiences a fluctuating gender. But there are of course many other types of fluctuating terms, including ones that describe intensity on top of fluctuation. Again (probably gonna say this a million times), something to look up on for yourself.

I found those questions rather neat to answer, plus I enjoy helping people out when I can. Remember; no matter if your identity or orientation changes over time, you're still valid! And you are the sole person in control of deciding who you are and how you want to label yourself (or even not at all)- Roxzania💙

[bronte-deserves-better]

So this has probably been done before but imagine Sophie coming out as agender to Bronte

So i may have gotten a little carried away and written a whole short fic about this-

ahem. anyways. I wrote this late at night and didn’t edit at all, so if you see a grammar error no you don’t <3. Also I might put it on AO3 if I figure out what to call it but I’m way too tired for fic titles so fuck that.

(Tw for swearing and mentions of transphobia.)

"Miss Foster, are you paying attention?"

Sophie's head snapped up from where they had been studying the table, worrying about what Grady and Edaline were going to say if they ever came out. Logically, they knew their parents were supportive and kind, but...none of the elves they had met had ever mentioned trans people. Let alone agender people like Sophie. 

"Miss Foster?" Bronte asked again.

This time, it was harder to contain their flinch. "Oh, uh, yeah, sorry, I was just thinking. About stuff."

"Alright, well I do understand you have a lot to worry about, but try to stay focused, please."

"Okay," Sophie muttered. The word came out rougher than they intended, more tired, and Biana shot them a concerned glance across the table. Which they proceeded to ignore. "What were we going over again?"

"The importance of building good relations with other species in our fight against the Neverseen, but I think we might as well stop there for the day." Bronte's gaze was piercing. "It's been a long day for all of us. Good job, you five, we can keep talking about this at next week's meeting." 

That was all it really took for Team Valiant to leap to their feet and start packing up their stuff. Like Bronte had said, it had been a very long day. And a whole lecture from him about interspecial relations hadn't helped much, although Sophie guessed it was probably good for them to be learning about all the things Bronte had been teaching them. Relations with the trolls, ancient rules and tricks of elven combat, more info on the Prime Sources, some parts of elven history that weren't taught at Foxfire, how to dress formally while still being able to move freely, the proper greetings for every rank of elves and every foreign leader...the list went on.

"Miss Foster, do you mind staying after the meeting for a bit?"

Sophie internally groaned. "Sure, Bronte."

Biana cast them a sympathetic look as she left. "See you in bit, Soph!"

Bronte waited until everyone had left before he spoke again. "Right. Sorry to keep you longer than necessary, but I noticed you seemed off today, and I wanted to check in."

"I mean, thanks for looking out for me, I guess." Sophie stared at the floor. "I guess I've just got...a lot on my mind."

"Hmm. I know the feeling. Does any of what's on your mind have to do with the term 'Miss Foster'?"

Sophie couldn't help but flinch a little, again. "Maybe."

"If you have a problem with it, I can stop calling you that."

"That would be great, actually. It's just...really...formal. Yeah."

"Is just Sophie an appropriate level of formality?" Bronte looked startlingly uncertain. "I must admit to still struggling with knowing when to address people more casually."

"Sophie is great."

He nodded. "Sophie it is, then. Any other reasons why you dislike that name?"

“No,” they said, too quickly.

"Hmm. Alright." Bronte didn't say they could go yet, taking a breath as if steeling himself for something. "I won't pry any further, but...I hope you know that you're always welcome to talk to me about anything, provided that 'anything' only involves mildly illegal activity. I- well. I suppose you should know I struggled with the term 'Miss Pyren' myself in my youth. Not that a lot of people addressed me with respect," he added dryly.

“You're trans?" Sophie blurted, and then instantly regretted it.

"Yes, I am. I'm not very open about it due to...past experiences, but yes."

"Do I need to go after some transphobes?"

Bronte cracked a small smile. "There are far too many for you to take on alone, mi- Sophie."

"Fuck that, I might as well try." They hesitated. "Do the elves have a concept of nonbinary?" To Sophie's surprise, the word for that was right there in the Enlightened Language. They didn't even have to use English.

"Yes, they do, and have for years. Why?"

Sophie took a deep breath. "I'm nonbinary- agender, specifically. I just recently figured it out, and I've been worrying about people's reactions ever since."

They caught a flash of deep, long-held sorrow in Bronte's ancient eyes. "I understand far too well, but I promise you're safe with me. What are your pronouns?"

"They/them."

"And are you changing your name? I know some of us do and some don't."

Of us. Their community. Bronte's community. "Nope, I like the name Sophie."

"Alright, then." Bronte offered another faint smile. "Would you like me to use she/her around people you aren't out to for now? I can use Sophie over Miss or Mx. Foster regardless."

"Yes, please." Sophie fiddled with their sleeves. "Thank you for being so nice and accepting about this, and- and outing yourself to me so I'd feel safe to be out."

"Of course. I was lucky enough to have someone to do that for me when I was your age, a mentor who taught me the word trans and what elixirs trans elves used back then and how to navigate the system. And I've known too many elves who weren't that lucky. I would hate for you to face all of this alone.”

Just by the enduring pain behind those words, Sophie believed him. "Still, thank you. You're the first adult I've come out to, actually, which is like, a really big thing."

"Oh. Well, I'm glad you felt safe to. Does the rest of Team Valiant know?"

"Yeah."

"So I'll use your proper pronouns around them."

"Yeah, thank you."

"Don't thank me yet," Bronte muttered. "I still haven't made this world safe enough for kids like you."

"You can't blame yourself for everyone who's shitty," Sophie told him. "Plus, you made the world feel a little safer for me just now, so that's something."

"That’s something." His voice was a little rough, eyes misty as Sophie made to pick up their stuff. "Maybe not enough, but something."

"A really good thing. Do you- do you need a hug?"

Bronte looked like he was starting to shake his head, and then nodded, hesitantly.

They threw their arms around him carefully, feeling him tense for a moment before relaxing into the hug. 

"Thank you, Sophie."

"Anytime, Councillor Grumpypants."

"Hey!"

Sophie giggled as they pulled back and picked up their bag. "I'll see you next week, I guess. Thank you for all the support, and the lessons are interesting too."

"Oh, I'm glad. They're important things to learn."

"They seem like it. Now I'm going to go get some dinner!"

[gay-jesus-probably]

Bisexuality didn't "feel right" as a label because you're biphobic and will do anything to distance yourself from bisexuality. Get well soon, the bi community will be here when you're ready.

Are you the raging homophobe anon back for round two or a new guy? ...It doesn’t really matter, you people are all the same.

If you are the same anon, then now I’m extra pissed off at you because do you have any idea how difficult it is to make fun of your messages? You’re making this really hard for me. First you send a five word ask declaring me a homophobe with no details, and it took a lot of thinking to come up with a vaguely funny response to such a lackluster prompt. You’re a really bad improv partner.

And now you send me this shit. Sorry everybody, no jokes today, now I’m actually just fucking furious.

Let me tell you a story, anon. When I was an innocent little twelve year old back in the far of reaches of 2011, I first discovered Tumblr, and soon enough I was learning about different genders and sexualities, and began exploring my own identity. As you already know since you’re sarcastically quoting me talking about my own fucking feelings, I’d been having a minor sexuality crisis for several years at that point, since gay, straight and bisexual were the only label I’d known before then, and none of them fit me. Despite me trying all of them. Multiple times. You condescending piece of shit.All this was resolved by me stumbling across a post defining pansexuality, and that being the first and only sexual identity that’s ever actually felt right for me. It clicked instantly, and has continued to be my sexuality for literally a decade now.

But back when I first started entering the queer community, pansexuality was actually pretty controversial. So was bisexuality. The two were just lumped together actually, because according to the exclusionists back then, bi/pan people are attracted to the opposite sex, and therefor are basically just straight. Actually they rarely cared enough to bother differentiating between bisexual and pansexual people, they just lumped us all in together as a bunch of heteros pretending to be gay for attention and oppressing the real gays. What a bunch of special fucking snowflakes, pretending to be gay for attention. So there I was, a twelve year old queer kid with a brand new identity, being welcomed by a bunch of exclusionists angrily yelling about how I was definitely just a hetero faking it for attention, and being pansexual was Wrong and Bad. But it was okay, because the exclusionists knew better than me. They knew how I really felt, and what my real identity was. They could fix me. I just had to agree with everything they said and become the person they decided I was supposed to be.

I didn’t do that.

Let’s jump forward a few years. I was older, and still perfectly confident in my identity as a pansexual. I hadn’t considered any other parts of my identity. Why would I? I just never really thought much about gender. Then shortly after my fourteenth birthday, I watched a short film online about a trans boy figuring out his identity and working up the courage to come out to his mother. I don’t remember what it was called or most of the details. All I remember was the last scene where the boy and his mother got into an argument about him not feminine enough, which ended with him screaming that he wasn’t a girl. And then I unexpectedly burst into tears because neither was I.

So that was a fun surprise. Once I pulled through that unexpected sobbing breakdown in the middle of the night and re-evaluated my entire life, I realized that yeah. I really wasn’t a girl. I wasn’t a boy either. Fortunately by then I knew that nonbinary people were a thing, so I had plenty of options. I spent awhile feeling things out and experimenting with different labels and pronouns before finally settling on agender and they/them pronouns. Which was great! I felt better than ever, and was confident that I had my identity down and everything would be fine. But everything was not fine. Because I’d been so happy about the biphobia dying down that I hadn’t quite noticed the exclusionists switching targets. Now the nonbinary people were lying. What a bunch of special fucking snowflakes, pretending to be queer for attention. The ones who wanted to medically transition were declared to actually be poor confused trans people who couldn’t get over their internalized transphobia to accept their True Identities. And the rest of us... well, we were just a bunch of cishet special snowflakes playing at being trans for attention, and oppressing the real trans people. I wasn’t agender. I was a cis girl making up fake identities for attention, and calling myself nonbinary was Wrong and Bad. But it was okay, because the exclusionists knew better than me. They knew how I really felt, and what my real identity was. They could fix me. I just had to agree with everything they said and become the person they decided I was supposed to be.

I didn’t do that.

Step forward a few more years, now to eighteen year old me. There’s no dramatic revelations or long struggles this time, just a slow realization. Because I’d been single for years, and I wasn’t bothered by that. I actually enjoyed it. Marriage didn’t sound very appealing. Neither did dating. I’d dated people before, but I wasn’t sure if I actually wanted to; it was just... the thing I was supposed to do. I found people attractive, sure. But I hadn’t wanted to flirt with anyone. Actually, now that I was thinking about it, had I ever felt romantically attracted to anyone? I didn’t even want romance in fiction! So I experimented. Went on some dates just in case age made it more appealing (it didn’t). Began calling myself aromantic, and was pleasantly surprised to find that the longer I used it, the better it felt. It was right.

But once again, the exclusionists were back and even angier than ever. Because now aphobia was in full swing. After all, asexuality wasn’t really queer. It’s just not having sex! It’s basically straight! What a bunch of special fucking snowflakes, pretending to be queer for attention. And the aromantics, oh the aromantics who weren’t asexual were even worse. Because everyone knows that love is what makes us human. How could someone not feel romance? Us aro people weren’t just lying about our identities, we were pretending to not have feelings so that we could get away with using people for sex without commitment. Being aro meant I was an abusive sex crazed monster taking advantage of all the poor innocent allo’s. I wasn’t aromantic. I was a sexual predator making up a fake identity to take advantage of people, and even though I wasn’t actually sleeping around calling myself aro was Bad and Wrong. But it was okay, because the exclusionists knew better than me. They knew how I really felt, and what my real identity was. They could fix me. I just had to agree with everything they said and become the person they decided I was supposed to be.

And I didn’t fucking do that.

Look. I’ve been here for a very long time, and I have dealt with so many versions of exclusionist bullshit. Every aspect of my identity has been met with random fucking strangers online smugly informing me that I was wrong about myself and they were right. And that’s just the ones that wanted me to pretend to be something else; about half of the exclusionists didn’t make any attempts at conversion therapy, and instead skipped straight to suicide baiting. I’m not even getting into the actual homophobes I’ve had to deal with, or the TERF’s that have come after me under the assumption that I’m a trans woman. My point is, I’m pretty fucking used to this sort of thing.

This just hurts a little more, because like I said earlier, the first round of exclusionism I faced was just expanded biphobia. And the bi/pan community banded together in the face of that. We weren’t the exact same identities, but we were being treated the same, and we were similar enough that nobody really minded the difference. It was wonderful. Bi and pan people were a tightly knit group, and that was a sense of community I desperately needed when I was young. I’ve been seeing this coming for awhile. There’s been increasing amounts of bi people getting drawn in by exclusionist bullshit, and I’ve seen anti-pansexual sentiment growing. I just... really hoped it wouldn’t get this far. It’s sad, y’know? It feels like losing an old friend. I’m really disappointed that you think trying to force people out of their community is right. It’s fucking pathetic, and I hope that someday you’ll rediscover basic compassion and realize how much damage you’re doing to yourself and others. This sort of thing doesn’t help the bisexual community. It drives people away. It’s like the damage that TERF’s have done to the lesbian community; this sort of thing poisons the whole well. I hope you re-evaluate what you’re doing and find a more healthy mindset.

...But also at the same time: Who the fuck do you think you are? Take your condescending bullshit and shove it directly up your ass you fucking waste of oxygen. How the fuck dare you. Do you realize the fucking audacity it takes to claim to know someone's identity better than they do? You self centered egotistical douchebag. Your parents should feel ashamed for having raised such an utter failure of a human being. I’d tell you to go fuck yourself, but I can already tell you beat off twice a day to how fucking clever you think you are. If you ever darken my inbox again you’d better be damn sure you keep it anonymous, because if I find you I’ll kick your fucking teeth in, you smug piece of shit.

[yikesharringrove]

So, I had this idea, but I'm not really good with writing Harringrove, so I thought I could share it with u. A modern au where Steve nd Billy are streamers in L.A. Like, maybe Billys a gaming streamer nd Steve is a v chill streamer nd basically half of their live streams consist of Steve sitting in Billys lap nd the two of them cuddling while just talking nd one day they get a donation question like, "Are the two of u dating wtf" nd they just go "duh" also. femme/nonbinary steve

I love the idea of Steve being jenna marbles-esque, just like sweet and kinda weird and super loved.

And y’all know my love for nb Steve.

Based loosely on this post. Mainly just the gif.

Watch me make up twitter handles lol

This is v soft and includes many of my headcanons for these two living their lovely modern lives.

-

“Bill!”

Steve was yowling like a damn cat out in the kitchen, interrupting Billy’s stream. “Billy!”

“Stevie! I’m streamin’, Baby!” Hear could hear Steve’s feet plodding down the hall. The chat started going crazy as they appeared in the stream behind Billy, wearing a too-big sweater, thick wool socks on those perpetually cold little feet. Their hair was a fucking mess, and they were wearing their glasses, the big ones Billy loved.

They climbed on Billy’s lap, settling their face into his neck.

“What’s up?”

“Just wanted some lovin’.” Steve’s voice was soft, but they always put their face on the side Billy’s headset mic was on and the audience would go wild over the quiet things they said. Billy rubbed their back before going back to his game.

“Everyone welcome Stevie to the stream.”

He kept playing as usual, Steve a warm little puddle in his lap.

“Okay, Babes. I’m signing off for today, Steve is definitely asleep on me right now and I gotta put them to bed. Love you all, stay safe.” He had to awkwardly shuffle Steve around in his lap to turn off the stream, picking them up to take them to the room across the hall.

They had gotten a two bedroom when they were still friends, pretending they weren’t fucking in love with each other. They had moved into the bedroom formerly known as Steve’s, setting up Billy’s old room for streaming and video editing.

Steve snuffled as Billy took off their glasses, sliding into bed behind them.

-

Steve was sitting on the floor, laughing at the monitor.

They had been doing a series of Quarantine Madness videos, doing crafts and silly makeup tutorials.

They were currently trying temporary hairdye, had their hair sticking up in all directions.

“This is so fucking stupid, oh my god.” They had electric pink in their hair, Billy had gotten roped into it with dark blue.

“If you destroy my hair for YouTube hits, I’m gonna cry.” Steve had their thin fingers in his hair, rubbing the dye in.

“Oh, worse comes to worse you get ridda that fucking mullet.”

“You love this mullet. It’s my trademark.” Billy’s hair wasn’t supposed to be a mullet, was originally a shag that had grown in weird, but Billy had become known for it, and he had kinda grown to like it.

“The whole premise of this video is to get you to shave your head.” Billy laughed. “Okay, so we gotta wait like twenty minutes and then we gotta wash it out.” They looked at memes while they waited, figured Steve would edit all this waiting out of the video anyway.

They washed the dye out in the sink, scrubbing at one another’s heads before getting in the shower to clean off the patches on their skin.

They ended up getting a little distracted in the shower.

Steve had blow dried both their hair to see the color. The pink was subtle in Steve’s dark hair, the highlights they had gotten a few weeks before quarantine picking up more of the color.

Billy’s hair was bright fucking blue, and neither of them could stop laughing at it.

“I kinda, kinda love it on you, Bill.” Steve was brushing their fingers through Billy’s hair, making him lean into the touch like a damn cat.

The video ended up being wildly popular.

-

“So, you all tweeted us some questions, and we’re gonna answer them over live stream. We each picked a bunch to pose to one another, so yeah.” Steve shrugged. “Billy, @.DustinHendy wants to know why you’re such a little bitch.” Billy cackled, planting his face into Steve’s shoulder.

“Tell Dustin he’s a little garbage human.” Billy winked at the camera, making the comments along the side of the screen go crazy. “Um, I thought this question was interesting, @.llittlebug says: you two are so touchy. Are you together, or are you just close friends? We’re gal pals, actually.” Steve laughed, loud and bright.

“Two bros chillin’ in the hot tub, five feet apart ‘cause we’re not gay.” Steve sang, making them both crack up.

“Yeah, we’re very much in a relationship, have been for four years now.” Steve was giving him that soft smile Billy loved so much. He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to that sweet little mouth. The chat was going insane, people sending comments along the lines of I knew it! and so happy for you both!

Steve’s cheeks were flushed.

“So, uh @.bigyikes asks, how did you two meet? Well actually, we went to high school together, and fucking hated each other when we first met, got in a big fight, worked our shit out became friends, moved in together, and fell in love like big dumb losers.”

“So bold of you to claim I ever hated you. I literally was fucking in love with them from the first time I ever saw them but I was, uh, going through a lot, and was kind of the worst back then.” Steve’s arm was on his shoulder, playing with the long hair by his neck.

“You’ve gotten so much better. And I’m proud of you.” Billy planted a kiss to their forehead.

“Next question before I fucking cry, @.imaloser wants to know our sexualities and gender expressions. I mean, you’ve been plenty open about all that.”

“Well, yeah. I’m pansexual and agender, which is under the nonbinary umbrella, but I like to typically present femme. And I use they pronouns, most of you know that, of course. I’m pretty open.” They turned big eyes on Billy.

“These days, I just identify as queer. I’ve always identified as a gay man, but I haven’t dated a guy in a long fuckin’ time.” Steve curled into his side.

“It’s been a learning process for both of us. I mean Billy’s the first person I dated seriously after I came out, and there was just a part of me that felt lowkey misgendered every time he said he was gay.”

“Oh, there was a lot of learning in those early days for sure. And I think we’re both still doing that. I hope I am.” Steve poked his stomach.

“You’re good to me, Bill.” There was a slew of sweet comments in the live stream.

“@.folks asks when did you get into makeup?” He turned to Steve.

“Growing up, most of my friends were girls, and I just always loved playing dress up, and getting make overs. When I was like, fourteen I think, I started playing with makeup myself, learning from YouTube tutorials, and just like, messing around with stuff. I always loved just feeling really pretty, so that’s why-” they gestured at themself, one of Billy’s shirts tucked into old worn out jeans, soft white cardigan. They had put on a full face of makeup for the stream.

“I think you’re the prettiest.” Steve laughed, headbutting Billy’s shoulder.

“Okay, so @.imstruggling wants to know who’s a better cook.” Steve turned dramatically to the camera. “Me, bitch!”