#I will not trust how I feel about my life at 1am I will not trust how I feel about my life at 1am I will not trust how I feel about my life

[tempestclerics]

.

[isitthemoon]

"So if my love is not enough

And I forget it all instead

Say that you'll try to keep it in your mind

So it never breaks, so it never fades

Write it in the stars, write it in your heart

Forever mine, forever yours

So no matter what goes, promise me so:

Please, remember, please, don't let me go"

- a small piece/poem about my fear of forgetting.

[bestnottoask]

From Laughter to Love {Part One}

{Masterlist}

Other Parts -Haven't written anymore yet but am thinking about at least writing a part 2

Pairing- Satoru Gojo x Fem Reader

Request- No

Summary- You are in you third and final year of jujutsu Tech, and the person who had helped you through it all is your best friend Satoru Gojo, whom you’ve seemed to fall in love with over the years. But little to your knowledge there may me more to the flirtatious jokes and constant teasing he constantly throws at you. After a night of truth or dare in your dorm many feelings begin to arise between you too. Should you both address them? Or is it not worth the risk of compromising your friendship

Genre- Fluff, Slight Angst

Warnings- Casual swearing, Suggestive implications, mutual pining, friends to lovers eventually, kind of slow burn?, I think that all for now.

●Ambiguous Ending. Probably will make more parts

A/N- I Love this but also kind of hate it. Most of it was written between 1am- 4.40am so that's probably why. Let me know what you think.

Word Count- 3.3k

As a third-year student at Jujutsu Tech student your life was pretty full and pretty stressful. So, to keep your head clear you often went on short runs at night around campus; and tonight was no different. Or at least it started off no different from any other night.  

You went on a run for about 30 minutes around the school campus. The cold icy air pricked at your skin and made you nose tingle. You liked seeing the school like this. So cold an empty. Describing it made it sound scary or lonely. But really, it looked peaceful and calm like this. A large contrast to the noise and chaos that persuaded during the day. 

Once you had finished your run you made your way back to your dorm room. But to your surprise you found a tall white-haired man sitting on your bed leaning against the wall, while mindlessly scrolling on his phone. He had already made himself comfortable with one leg over the other and his shoes thrown on the floor. To be fair you really shouldn’t be surprised at this point, Satoru was always making his way to your dorm room, invited or not.  

Satoru and you had been very close friends since you both started at Jujutsu Tech. You were always quite nervous, especially around him, but he didn’t seem to care, he just clung to your side until you began to open up to him. He was the person you trusted most in the world and the person you had the most fun with. You both would banter with each other and were both very comfortable with one another; often pushing the usual boundary of platonic. It was mostly him though, due to his usual lack of understanding personal space and how he tended to be quite flirtatious especially with you. 

Over the years you had come to realized that you developed feelings towards Satoru, but you knew better then to admit them to him as it would only complicate your friendship and leave you with heartache. He was the strongest after all; who came from money and power and had girls throwing themselves at him left and right. Hence, you figured there was no chance he would ever reciprocate your feelings. You should just be grateful for the wonderful friendship you already have with him. 

“Hey there” there he says, barely acknowledging your presence as if this were a public place and not your dorm room.  

You sigh closing the door behind you and take off your shoes before falling back onto the bed starring at the ceiling. 

“You know it would be really nice to come back after a run and have my bed to myself to relax " you said not bothering to move your gaze from the ceiling. 

“What can’t I check in on my favorite girl?” He chuckled softly, putting down his phone and turning to look down at you. 

“Well, if you're going to be here at least make yourself useful and order us some food” You responded with a smile as you got up to grab some clothes before heading to your bathroom to get changed. 

“As you wish” he responded “but you owe me one” he winked at you with a smirk just before you closed the bathroom door. 

Satoru had a habit of mindlessly flirting with you, and no matter how much he did it, it always still seemed to make you a bit flustered. You knew it didn’t mean anything and he was just teasing, but you would be lying if you said it didn’t pull at your heart strings. 

You came out moments later wearing a black singlet and some shorts. Despite the cold nights the weather was getting warmer and you and Satoru were close so you didn’t mind showing a bit more skin when it’s just him, and you didn’t want to wake in the morning sweating once the sun hit your room. But as you exited the bathroom and put the clothes you had just removed into your laundry basket you couldn’t help but feel his gaze on you.  

“What?” You said noticing his stare. 

“Just enjoying the view” Satoru shrugged with a small grin as he leaned back placing his hands behind his head, eyeing you up and down looking at the way your clothes hugged your figure. 

“whatever” you rolled your eyes. But you couldn’t help a small smile creep onto your face. 

“So, when’s the food getting here?” you question taking a seat next to him. 

“Wow so eager to get rid of me” he places a hand on his chest pretending to be offend, to which you shook your head at and smiled. 

Amused by your reaction a grin spread across his face. “How about we play a game?” 

“What did you have in mind?” you asked. 

“Truth or Dare.” his voiced was laced with mischief so you knew he was up to something, but you were intrigued so you agreed. 

“Fine” 

“Right let's begin” he said turning to you. 

“Truth or Dare?” He said poshly, for his own amusement. 

“dare” you said without hesitation, confidently smiling at him. 

“Ah adventitious I see, no worries I’ll keep it simple for the first round. How about… you give me a kiss on the cheek.” He pointed to his right cheek while playfully fluttering his eyelashes at you.  

Even though you know it doesn’t mean anything and he’s just doing it to mess with you, you can’t help but blush a little. 

“Fine come here” you sigh. 

You quickly cup his face with one and pressed a kiss to his cheek before pulling back, resuming your position across from him. 

Little to your knowledge, as soon as your lips made contact with Satori’s cheek, a spark of electricity ran through his body. He closed his eyes briefly, savoring the feeling. When he opened them again this gaze locked with yours.  

“That was… acceptable” He drawled out, trying to regain his composure. 

“Now I pick truth” he said before you even asked the question, hoping to distract you from the faint blush on his neck. 

“Hmm… what’s your favorite nickname I use for you?” 

Satoru loved all the nicknames you used for him. Or more so he loved the fact that you’d use nicknames with him. Some were cute, some were funny, and some were down right insulting, but none of them ever failed to make him smile. Though his favorite would have to be ‘Toru’. It was simple but cute; and it was the first nickname you’d ever used on him. 

“Well, that’s easy” he began “It’s definitely ‘Toru’, I don’t know why, I just like hearing you use it”. You hummed in response mentally noting it down to use that one more often. 

“So, truth or dare?” Satoru continued. 

“Mm truth” you replied. 

After a short moment of silence Satoru asked “why me? why do you put up with all my bullshit?” his voice was more sincere this time. The question hung heavy in the air, and Gojo’s gaze searched yours for an answer while you processed his question. 

“What do you mean?” you asked softly tilting your head slightly in an attempt to better read him. This question was a bit out of character for him. He usually held his head high with confidence and an arguably inflated ego, but right now you could almost feel the insecurity coming off him. 

“I mean” he started, his tone was thoughtful, “We’ve known each other for years now, and yet you still hang out with me despite all the crap I pull. Why?” 

“Because were friends Toru” you began looking into his eyes “yes you pull a lot of crap and can be a real idiot sometimes” you chuckle “But that’s what I like about you. Sure, you can annoy me, but you also make me laugh. Much more than anyone else I’ve met”. 

Now you were the one searching his eyes, trying to see if he understood what you said and what he means to you. As much as his doubt in himself and your friendship hurts, you appreciate that he is willing to share those doubts and insecurities with you. Showing you a more vulnerable side of him that many don’t get to see, or even know exist.  

His expression seemed to have softened at your words, a warm glow spreading through his chest. He hadn’t expected such sincerity in your words or you voice. He rarely allowed himself to be vulnerable, so to hear you say such things when he did allow himself, made his heat flutter.  

“So, you like that about me?” His voice was soft, and you responded with a nod and a smile. 

“I’m Glad” a smile started to grow on his face. “Really Glad” he chuckled now with a toothy grin. “Guess this means I can tease you even more!” He laughed. 

“Well now hold on” you laughed.  

“Nuh, too late you already said it” he cut you off with a chuckle 

“great” you groaned burying your face in your hands. In reality you were very happy with Satoru’s demeanor going back to his playful self, even if it means he’d be teasing you more.  

Gojo snorted at your reaction before the laughter slowly died down. “But seriously, thank you” he said softly. 

“Of course,” you responded. Even in the silence it was never uncomfortable between the two of you.  

“So, where were we?” he asked breaking the silence. 

“I believe it was your turn, so truth or dare Satoru?” you replied. 

A smile formed on his face. He’d hoped you’d suggest to continue the game. It gave him more opportunities to learn more about you and have fun. 

“dare” he declared. “And make it a good one” he said with a challenging stare. 

“okay” you said narrowing your eyes at him trying to think of a good dare. 

“When the food arrives, you have to eat it without your hands” you declared with a smirk.  

Satoru’s face fell at your words. “But I ordered Ramen, it's going to be such a mess!”  

You laughed in response “well you shouldn’t have picked dare” 

“Oh, come onn” he groaned dramatically, but couldn’t help laugh along with you. 

As if on cue Satoru got a notification stating the food was here. He dramatically groaned as he got out of bed and went outside to collect it. When he got back you were sitting on the floor crossed legged eagerly waiting. He sat down across from you and began to unpack the food handing you your serving.  

“enjoy” you said with a playful smirk and you used your chopsticks to eat your ramen.  

“You’re going to pay for this” he said shaking his head and holding the bowl to his face. He took a deep breath preparing himself for the task ahead. He glanced longingly at his chopsticks, so close yet so forbidden. 

With a sigh he leaned his head into the bowl and began his task. Slurping noises filled the room and when he came up for air you couldn’t help but burst out laughing looking at the state he was in. Broth dribbled down his chin, wetting his shirt, and a small noodle stuck to the edge of his nose.  

he couldn’t help but smile as your laughter filled the room, encouraging him to continue. Despite the mess and embarrassment, Gojo found himself enjoying the attention. He continued to chow down in his ramen, determined to complete the dare.  

“Ha! take that” He exclaimed triumphantly, lifting his head from the now empty bowl. He wiped his chin with the back of his hand and he sat back proudly. “Not bad hey?” he smirked proudly. 

“Yeah, but look at your shirt” You giggled gesturing to the shirt that now had ramen broth falling down the neckline. 

“Guess I won’t be winning any fashion awards tonight” he said with a shrug “but hey, at least you can’t say I ever backed down from a dare” he said with a shit-eating grin.  

Gojo then proceeded to pull his shirt up and over his shoulders, then tossed it into your laundry basket like it was a goal. His casualty surprised you for a moment, as you stared at his bare chest. His skin was smooth and pale, with a bit of it glistering near his neck, no doubt thanks to the ramen.  

“Now look at who’s enjoying the view”. His voiced snapped you out of your thoughts and pull your eye-line up to meet his. You instantly blushed at him catching you starring and tried to play it off cool by rolling your eyes. 

He laughed at your eye roll before continuing.  

“You know, when we first met you used to be much more closed off. I guess I do grow on a person” he said smugly. 

“More like wear them down, but okay” You laughed, and he laughed along with you at your comment. 

“Well, it’s still sounds like progress to me” He smiled. 

You giggled at you collected the packages that the food came in and turned to place them on your desk. Gojo snuck up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, while placing his head on your shoulder. 

“What are you doing Toru?” 

He just shrugged his shoulders before tightening his grip and lifting you up before throwing you on the bed despite your protests. But as he threw you on the bed you managed to grab his arm, consequently bringing him down with you. As he toppled on top of you with a loud ‘oomph’ a loud burst of laughter erupted from the both of you. 

“Hey! what was that for?” despite his words, there was no real anger in his tone, only mild surprise and playful annoyance.  

“that’s what you get. If I go down, I’m bring you down with me” You laughed. 

Gojo then lifted his head from the sheets leaning on his elbow. It was only now that either of you noticed the compromising position. He was on top of you, knee between your legs, hips pressed to yours, and faces inches apart. You could feel the warmth of his breath on you.  

After a moment of silence, it seemed realization of your current position pinned beneath him, hit him. “Ah shit-sorry” he stammered lifting himself off of you. Yet despite the awkwardness, there was something undeniably thrilling to him about being having you in that position so close to him. His mind raced with thoughts and possibilities, each more enticing than the last.  

“Uh its fine really” you assured him trying to ease the tension. He sat next to you on the bed, both of you looking forward. The silence was defining. He pursed his lips together and looked around the room trying to find something to talk about.  

“I think some of that ramen went up my nose” he said finally breaking the uncomfortable silence. 

“That’s your segue?” you questioned looking over at him. 

“Well, you use what you got” he shrugged causing a soft laugh to escape your lips easing the tension a bit.  

“that’s so gross” you replied. 

“It’s not like I snorted the whole bowel, besides it adds just a little extra flavor yeah?” He grinned as you made a face of disgust. 

He leaned back on the bed, propping himself up with his elbows. “Anyways, it’s your fault, you dare me to eat ramen without using my hands” 

“You told me to ‘make it a good one’” you defended. “And it was a good one. Good for my amusement, not your hygiene” you laughed, to which he rolled his eyes at.  

“True, true” he agreed with a nod “but usually people dare someone to, I don’t take an item of clothing off or something” he smiled 

“Well in the end you did do that” you gestured to his bare chest. 

Gojo glanced down at his exposed torso, a sheepish grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Well technically that wasn’t apart if the dare, but hey, who am I to complain” he raised his hands “I love seeing you blush” he said with a wink. 

“Please, I was not blushing” You defended yourself 

“Oh, come on,” he teased gently, smirking at your denial “you were basically eye-fucking me” 

“Excuse me?!” You raised your eyebrow playfully. 

Gojo chuckled, finding amusement in your embarrassment. “I’m serious, your eyes were practically glued to my body” 

“What, like how yours were earlier when I got changed?” You said accusatory  

“Hey, at least I admit when I check someone out” he said raising his hands in defense. 

“whatever” You just softly chuckled and shock you head. In reality the fact that Satoru had admitted to checking you out made your heart flutter. 

He pulled out his phone and check the time, feeling disappointed that it was getting late.  

“Well,” He sighed lifting himself up from your bed “as much as I would love to stay here and have you tell me all about how hot I am” He said while gesturing to his toned torso “It’s getting late so I should get going. Don’t want to be late for class tomorrow” 

“Alright, later Toru.” You said ignoring his comment “thanks for the company” you smiled as you walked him to your door. 

“anytime” he winked.  

Just as you were about to close the door he spoke up. “Oh, and next time, you don’t have to dare me to eat ramen without using my hands just to see me shirtless, you can just ask and I’d be happy to abide” He smirked before turning on his heel and making his way down the hallway.  

You smiled before closing your door and letting out a large sigh. This crush of yours's was getting out of hand, and only seemed to grow more each day.  

On the other hand, as Gojo made his way back to his dorm room he couldn’t help but feel a warm tightening feeling in his chest at the thought if you. Once he entered his room, he threw on the nearest shirt and then collapsed on his bed staring up at the ceiling. He had known about his feelings for you for a while, but after tonight, he knew there was no going back. He needed you in his life, and he craved being more than just your friend more than he craved any sweet known to man. You made feel safe and happy. Just your smile sent electric shots throughout his body, and hearing your laugh would make is heart swell. You were the best thing that had ever happened to him; and he wouldn’t know what to do without you.  

He wanted more than anything to tell you how he feels. How you consume his every thought. He wants to hold you in his arms through the night and be by your side every second of every day. He wanted to shower you in the endless love he felt for you and never let you go. But he was scared. Your friendship already meant more than the world to him, and he was so scared of ruining what you two already had. He knew he’d never forgive himself if he did something that compromised your friendship. But he just couldn’t seem to get you out of his mind; and the idea of moving on from you and seeing someone else seemed unthinkable. Maybe it was time he let you know his true feelings. 

[skwpr]

10 Rules to Stay Focused on Studying

Here are my very own tips and tricks to keep you focused on studying:

1 . Hydrate to stay focused on studying

This is a tip that my friend gave me a long time ago.

When your mind begins to wander while studying, take a sip of water.

It works because it turns your focus to drinking and feeling the sensation of water hitting your system.

2 . Remove all distractions

You can’t focus on studying because your phone is right next to you.

There are so many distractions in the world today.

I was writing on my laptop while the TV was playing in the background, but my phone was playing YouTube at the same time!

If you want to focus on studying, you need to remove all distractions.

Turn off your wifi on your phone.

3 . Start a stopwatch

This is my very own tip to stay focused on studying.

All you have to do is start up your stopwatch on your phone.

Remember that it’s a stopwatch, not a timer! All it does is track how much time you can focus on studying before you get distracted.

It really helps me. It might sound weird but try it out.

4 . Make studying fun

Studying is boring and a lot of people hate studying. Those are the facts.

If you want to focus more on studying, switch things up.

5 . Fix your mindset

Stop studying just to get good grades on your next exam.

Change your mindset.

Become a person who studies every day just because.

It’s not about the exams anymore. Live and breathe studying.

That is when you can focus on studying better.

Think of it as a journey, not a means to an end.

6 . Resign yourself to your fate

What do I mean by this?

I mean that you need to understand that studying is an inevitable part of your life.

You are going to have to focus on studying. So, stop being stubborn and study right now.

Be practical and stop studying at 1am when your exam is at 10am – you drink coffee to stay up but all it does is mess up your system!

7 . Take breaks to stay focused on studying

Breaks are very important to focus on studying.

A break can be as simple as standing up once every 10 minutes and stretching.

Stop slouching and hunching over your books for 1 hour and then complaining when you can’t stay focused on studying!

Take more breaks.

8 . Guided meditation to focus on studying

If you can’t focus on studying because your thoughts get in the way, it might be time for you to try out guided meditation.

What is guided meditation?

Go on youtube and type it into the search.

It is a video where someone tells you what to think about. It reduces distraction in your head.

9 . Get enough sleep

I have done experiments on sleep. If you sleep late, trust me you won’t be able to focus on studying.

Forget 8 hours of sleep! If you are a young student, you need 10 hours of sleep. 8 is the minimum.

10 . Eat right to focus on studying

If you don’t eat the right amount of calories for your body, you can have trouble focusing on studying.

If you keep eating things that your body hates, you won’t be able to stay focused on studying.

My body hates milk and coffee. Trust me when I say I won’t have any of that!

I need to take care of my body to keep it at its best.

[insidefernweh]

Well, hello.

A couple months ago one silly woman (me) decided that it’s time for creativity to take a hold of her and let something cool into this world.

And that’s how I decided to give birth to…a The Amazing Devil blanket. Or I might have dreamed it whilst being feverish. Who knows.

It’s been three months of stitching, embroidering, sewing, unmaking the mistakes, cursing, saying ‘waahheeey’ at the end of the complete step, cursing again and enjoying the hell out of the process of something being made into the realness. 

It is literally the embodiment of me. I love it and hate it equally. It has got my favourite quotes from the songs. Yes, that’s me — your favourite girl with maelstrom of lyrics instead of a brain. It also has got some of my blood somewhere along the stitches (did i do it on purpose to please the fae gods aka Joey and Madeleine? you’ll never know. hashtag blood magic.) I wanted to get it done for the Ruin Appreciation Week (though it contains lyrics from all albums) so that was me last week because it was very FAR from being done:

I’m posting the bigger picture + close ups of smaller details and songs’ lyrics. Please feel free to reach out if you want to see a better close up or just to pat me on the head.

I’m posting a video too. It’s silly so enjoey. (ha! see what I did here. that was a typing accident. it’s 1am now. forgive me my jokes.)

warning: the video include some probably offensive actions to the professional seamstresses. i’m only a humble ignorant person who decided to sew for the first time in her life. i do hope you’ll like it.

references used:

the central embroidery: TAD’s old picture from some posters back in the love run era + some sage and forget-me-nots

top right and left bottom corners: pictures of joey and madeleine

songs: secret worlds, the calling, inkpot gods, drinking song for the socially anxious, chords, farewell wanderlust, not yet/love run (reprise), that unwanted animal, battle cries, elsa’s song, wild blue yonder

UPD: A few of you have been asking about the quotes I used on my blanket/quilt and why I chose them so here I am:

If you ask me for my fire, just watch me burn — you know what, I recently started to interpret this line in a positive way? It was a recent thing I understood about myself. I always thought I was good at working/doing things well in the long run, when you have to do it patiently and for years but in my journey of self-discovery I realized that in reality I’m much better as a sprinter — someone who does an incredible job while being under the vast amount of pressure and when you need to do it in a restricted period of time; I will give all of myself to this project/work, every bit of passion I have, every bit of patience. So yeah. If you ask me for my fire — just watch me burn. But then I’ll hibernate for a month. 

Can’t you hear it howling? — OKAY HANDS DOWN PROBABLY MY FAVOURITE LYRICS/MELODY SECTION FROM THE WHOLE RUIN ALBUM. Even not the part that is sung by Madeleine, but the back voices Joey’s harmonies sing in the final chorus at 4:28 and till the end. OOOOH WHY SO GOOD.

If I don’t make it back from where i’ve gone just know I loved you all along — this is such a beautiful closing of the song. also such a tormenting thought. i love it.

Such endless blue — I’ve always been drawn to the dark blue colours, especially when I paint. I always run out of the blue watercolour because contrary to this song, it’s not endless :D I’m manifesting an abyss of blue watercolour for myself here lol

You say the words so often but I barely know the meaning — okay so Elsa’ Song is primarily pretty heartbreaking right? The more heartbreaking part being that it is sung as a lullaby. Who didn’t have that moment when the meaning of the words you’re saying slips through your fingers just because you said them too often? Who didn’t have that sad awakening moment of losing trust in a person just because they always promised something and never did it?

After summers of fasting I feel hunger at last — I’ve been thinking about tattooing this quote for quite a while now. It reminds me of my depressive state which very often returned to me in summer and every time it slowly creeped away, I felt the hunger for life in the early autumn.  Every time felt like an eternity. 

Is nought but fumble-falls and guns and tumbleweeds, love, run — my favourite quote from the superior use of the English language that is that section in Love Run. I am in love with it. All the phonetic twirls makes me shiver sometimes.

Well, hello my hollow Holofernes — ALLITERATION SUPREMACY!!  

I’ll sing silence and ask my glass of wine for guidance — i love to sit at home alone and stare into my glass. it doesn’t answer though. what about it. and again — to sing silence? OXYMORONS GIVE ME THEM

Go tell me how we fucked you up and oh my god, it’s so unfair — ah. the hardship of parenting/teaching. I was there, I remember it all too well. 

Let’s us waltz for the dead — the oxymoronic style of this line IS JUST A CHEF’S KISS. WALTZ? VERY SOPHISTICATED THING? FOR THE DEAD? NOT THAT PLEASANT TYPE OF A THING? mister batey let me boop you affectionately on the nose you are so clever.

[xkaidaxxxx]

Yusei Fudo x Reader

Mentions: minimal angst, foul language, fluff, happy ending

Sorry for errors 1am story.

“Yusei! Yusei! Jack let me go!” You yelled calling out to Yusei. “ I told your parents I’d fucking protect you! Now stop you dumbass.” He held you close taking you along with him to domino.

Jack started his road to power and fame. He’s the Champion of Turbo dueling. You both have it all. “I’m skipping lunch today and your duel.” You spoke. Jack wasn’t happy about that. “You’re having lunch and you’re going to my duel. Do you understand!?” You held your tears back as he forced you to sit down on the chair beside him. “ y-yes Jack.” you ate your lunch while you cried silently. Jack was feeling horrible. He was only forcing you to be with him almost at all times because he doesn’t trust anyone in the city. Only you. He wants to keep you safe even if it meant hurting your feelings. “I’m sorry. Alright don’t be such a baby about it..you know I care for you. Loser.” He said wiping your tears away. You stayed silent not knowing how to respond.

As time passed by Jack was still his loud and arrogant self. He did have a soft side for you. He started being less aggressive on how he acted with you. He knew it would only drive you insane.

When you heard Yusei was in the area you couldn’t help but ask Jack to give you a day where you can go out by yourself. He did just that but had security follow behind you. As you drove the duel runner Jack bought you (you dueled as well but lost interest along the way) , you got away from the security team. You were going fast. You love the feeling. You love how the wind blows against you. It made you feel alive. You had forgotten how much you loved turbo dueling and this made you want to do it once again. “ Wooo hoo!!” You shouted. After a while you came to a stop as you saw his runner. You quickly turned yours off and ran inside the building. “Yeah Thanks for the help. I appreciate it.” Yusei said speaking into a small mic headset. Your heart skipped a beat. You couldn’t believe it. “Y-Yusei?” You called out. Your body was shaking. He turned around and felt shocked. He was only a few feet away from the love of his life. He ran up to you and held you close. Tears ran down his cheeks. You cried with him. Both of you didn’t want to let go of each other. “Y/n how did you find me?” He asked. “I..just drove fast..didn’t think about anything but you. Now I’m here.” You replied pulling away. He wiped your tears away and placed a soft kiss on your lips. “ I love you so much. I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner. God it’s been a long ride in this city.” He spoke holding your hand and scanning your body. You blushed as he checked you out. “Beautiful as always.” He said. “You think so?” He nodded in response. “Has Jack..been taking good care of you? I’m not upset about him taking you. He did promise your parents to protect you..it was right for him to take you even when it broke my heart.” Yusei couldn’t help but running his hands up and down your arms. “He has been taking care of me…he was aggressive at first but he slowly stopped. Even though he was harsh I knew he did it because he wanted me to be safe. He did let me leave without him but he had security follow me. Yeah I got rid of them.” You replied and giggled afterwards. “That’s my wonderful girl.” Yusei said playing with your hair. You both felt to happy. “Once all this craziness is over we’ll be able to relax as a family.” You were shocked on how he said family. “F-Family? As in…we..like..or?” You stuttered. He chuckled pinching your nose softly. “Yes as in us together forever. I understand we’re young but still I want to be with you.” “As in tying the knot..or?” You questioned once again not getting the freaking message. You both were 18 and of course he meant only engagement. “Yes y/n. As in tying the knot. Marry me please. I love you more than anything. I’m so in love with you.You complete me.…I don’t have a ring…but once things sort out I’ll definitely buy one for you.” He said feeling bad about the ring. He wanted everything to be perfect but things don’t always work out that way. You laughed gripping his hand and holding your stomach with the other. “Y-Yusei! Hehe! It’s alright. I’ll marry you. I love you as well so much. You don’t need to buy me a fancy ring. I’m so in love with you. I’d marry you with paper rings.” He smiled and poked your cheek. You both shared a passionate kiss with tears running down your faces. You both knew you’d struggle with everything that’s going on but..you’d do it together. No matter what.

[stopxplease]

so uh i just realized how much of a BANGER Maps by Maroon 5 was and also realized its very jovier core

hear me out girlies

john misses the gang not for what they did, but for the sweeter things like the conversations they used to have.

while john is searching for "a song", he is "changing the stations" to find it. the song he is referring to can be taken literally as a song javier used to sing, or can be taken as being javier himself.

at the time, the gang was the best thing to happen to john and living free and on the run could be seen as having it all to him, especially when they were 'fighting for the greater good'.

when john gets shot off the train during the train robbery in chapter 6, he comes back to the gang and says to dutch "you left me to die", but frequently throughout the first game he says javier also left him to die, which would mean he feels betrayed by javier for not sticking up for him in that moment and siding with dutch, thus running away from him.

throughout the game, during most of the campfire talks where javier opens up about some very personal stories, john is usually there for them and listens to javier. john and javier also seemed to be very close, drinking with each other, and doing lots of things together. buts its obvious by the events of rdr1 that john's feelings for javier have switched dramatically.

john's worst can be seen as either when he gets shot off the train or when he goes to prison. either way hes still bitter about having trusted javier to have his back.

honestly, this line kinda confused me on how it might work with jovier because im very dumb, but i think it could reference how john feels like javier is stuck in the past, and the road javier is taking is coming back to john in a way, because now that john is being forced to capture or kill javier, it has come back to them.

its a literal map john is using to find javier, or could be the map they "drew to a better place", which could be seen as their life together if they werent outlaws.

(btw there is only one real line i wanna talk about after the chorus so wawomp)

john is hearing javier's voice like how he hears the camp noises if you go back to the previous camps during the epilogue.

the temptation is him wanting to stay with javier and running away together.

the "strange" thing coming over john could be how he is being forced to hyperfocus on javier.

and now john cannot get over the fact that he doesnt know why javeir left him to die.

sorry if this is absolute hogwash, its like 1am, i did not proofread this, and i just wanted to quickly ramble about my babies.

[autisticempathydaemon]

Song I'm fixated on: 1am freestyle by Joji - I like listening to his music to relax and that song is really beautiful and sad. Idk what that says about me

Enneagram: my basic understanding is a six idk this system well

Video essays: not my thing, after about an hour I'm bored even if it's an interesting topic

Imaginary friend: I don't remember any specific ones but I can tell you about my first oc from elementary school which feels basically the same - she was a ninja and a cool older sister who was always traveling for secret missions... and that's about the extent of my memory

Fall asleep: usually I can just fall asleep after imagining the scenarios in my head, but when I really struggle I put in headphones and listen to classic ASMR

Name change: I'm pretty cool with my name but if I had to pick a new name I would probably pick something with deep symbolism. Thing is, I'm terrible at coming up with names so this would take forever

Favorite redacted vid: one of my favorite playlists is Vega, I just let him talk and talk and talk and get so relaxed. If I had to pick a video, questioning a sadistic demon is nice to listen to

No appeal: sorry not sorry.... it's hush. I don't get it.

Movie: frozen, but not of my own free will

Platonic redacted boy: Asher is cool, just not really my type. He's goofy asf so I think we could be friends

Sleepy ramble: I don't think I ramble when I'm tired...? To give you something when I'm drunk I ramble about how much I love my friends though

Gas station: I want either a mango arizona, the tropical citrus vitamin water, or a liquid death and chips

Favorite playlist: I have a chill/jazz/lofi playlist I've been playing a lot at work lately, easy listening type stuff

Guilty pleasure media: am I allowed to say redacted? If not, I secretly watch those dumb reality shows about rich people to make myself laugh

Hmmm… Something about you makes me want to put you in the DAMNily. I think you’d make good friends and integrate with them really well as Damien’s partner.

Type Sixes are characterized as being responsible, trustworthy, and loyal, aiming for security and support in their lives to aid them in achieving their dreams. Damien, and the family that you’d become a part of by being with him, would more than give you that. I also like the chill vibes you and your music choices give off, which I think would be a good counterbalance to Damien’s more driven temperament.

The two of you would have such a lovely life together built on trust, cooperation, and support. I could see the two of you quietly working side by side, sharing your playlist with Damien. I can see the whole group stopping by 7/11 for snacks at Damien’s behest and you two being the only ones that got any water. (He also strikes me as a Liquid Death fan.) I can see all y’all going out for drinks and Damien pretending to be done with the way you fawn over him and your friends but actually thinking it so charming and heart-warming.

Song:

We can talk here on the floor/ On the phone, if you prefer/ I'll be here until you're okay/ Let your words release your pain/ You and I will share the weight/ Growing stronger day by day/ It's so dark outside tonight/ Build a fire warm and bright/ And the wind, it howls and bites/ Bite it back with all your might

I like this song for y’all for two reasons. One, a song about trust and vulnerability, about only having to be the truest version of oneself fits Damien and any partner of his really well. Two, the soft, melodic cadence of Cavetown might appeal to you and be good for working!

Runner-ups:

In the same vein of you fitting in with the DAMNily, I think you and Huxley could be a good pair; he’d also be a good match for a Type Six. Outside of that vein, Aaron and you would be cute, because y’all would have the same taste in fun, comfort tv.

note: thank you for waiting 💕

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[therealgchu]

Snippet Sunday - Iris

i need a meme of trying to fall asleep, and your brane goes, "here's 1,000 story ideas at 1am!"

anyway, here's a story idea that almost wrote itself. one of the fastest write-ups i've done. will publish the final on friday. for now, it'll be a one-shot, but i may fold it into the main fic.

it's called Iris, after the GooGoo dolls song. prolly one of those things that baked in my noggin for so long from the coemancer crew doing song inspirations.

sneakage with the peekage

She laughed, “I know, I’ll teach you how to waltz,” and she ran over to the stereo to change the music. The Skaters Waltz started playing, and she ran back to Sam. “Place your right hand here,” and she placed his on her hip, “and your left hand in mine, like this,” and she lifted his hand up to his shoulder height. “Now, you’re supposed to lead, Take a step to the side with your right leg, then follow with your left, then another step with your right. Remember, it’s all about 1-2-3,” she counted.

Sam tried to follow her movements, but kept staring at his feet. “Eyes up,” she said, lifting his chin, “or you’ll trip.”

“I don’t want to step on your feet,” he explained, with his head bobbing up and down trying to pay attention to both his feet and keep his eyes up.

“It’s actually harder to dance if you’re constantly looking at your feet. Trust me. Just feel the music; feel the swing, 1-2-3,” she counted.

“One-two-three,” he counted under his breath, head still bobbing up and down, attention split. Mid-way through the song, he bonked his forehead against her head as it was bobbing up and down. “I’m sorry!” he shouted, flustered.

Hwa laughed, “It’s fine. It’s not the first time I’ve had my head hit while dancing.”

“You know what, this song sucks. I’ve never much liked classical,” Sam griped.

“Alright, I have a better song then,” and she ran back to the stereo. Acoustic guitar started coming out of the speakers and Sam gasped.

“This is a waltz?” he asked. Hwa ran back to him and nodded, resuming the partnering position. His face took on a far-away expression. “My mom used to sing this song all the time. She loved it,” he whispered.

And I'd give up forever to touch you 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't want to go home right now

Hwa smiled gently at him, and he took a step forward. He stared down into her eyes, mouthing the lyrics. His steps became more confident as the song progressed.

And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life And sooner or later, it's over I just don't wanna miss you tonight

They waltzed across the floor of their home, both staring into each other’s eyes, Hwa’s eyes soft, smiling the smile she had only for him; Sam’s eyes intense, the usual soft blue color darkening. 

And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

He softly sang the chorus, his gravelly voice highlighting the last two stanzas. The couple gracefully moved across the floor to the swinging rhythm of the old song.

[thecranewivesrpf]

vent it's 1am

sometimes I see posts about people's parents being supportive of their interests, and I wonder what I could've had about that.

instead I'll sit in my room, smiling, laughing at a funny video, chatting with my friend, having fun and enjoying myself in my little safe space and I'll hear my dad laugh from downstairs and I'll wonder if it's at me.

why do I like the things I do? isn't it pathetic you're so invested in fucking minecraft roleplay? these creators will never know your name, but you still hold the time jimmy briefly said your name out loud on stream dear to your heart despite the fact you didn't even clip it, it just plays in your head sometimes. hi chewby, he said along with a long list of other names. he doesn't think about it and yet it felt like you existed for a moment.

it's unreasonable and incredibly paranoid, but sometimes I get scared and look through my phone for keyloggers that might've been installed, try and dig around my room for cameras and get scared new people I meet are my dad trying to fool me into trusting someone to tear it away and laugh. Point at the heartfelt messages I said to them and say isn't that pathetic? you trusted someone that much so quickly, this thing you said was so stupid. why did you say that? what's wrong with you? you're a fucking freak.

my mom says she tries not to let him have an effect on her life, don't be mad, stay apathetic. I would if I could. I'm terrified.

my only safe space had been torn away before, and it was one of the worse periods of my life. I was so disassociated I can't really tell you what happened in that time. I remember seeing a wildflower growing between the fence on my way home from school and crying. that flower got me through that day. I'm so scared of that happening again.

I pretend to nod along, I agree with every horrible thing he says, I have an entire horrible transphobic and bigoted story written out for how I use each social media I do use, and it's all to make sure he's happy and okay with me. I don't genuinely give a shit what he thinks, but I consider his opinion on everything I do to make sure I have a decent cover up story or way to hide it. I've done a lot, even as a kid to keep up that innocent perfect kid persona, even if then I didn't have a real reason to. I have zero respect for that man and yet I bow to him because I'm terrified. sometimes I wish I could've smiled and told him about the lmanburg flag I was sewing 2 years ago, and he would've smiled and listened to me talk. I think that conversation was ammunition. I hate talking about myself already, and I have extra internalized fear about my interests now. I assume everyone thinks I'm pathetic outside of my bubble, and it surprises me every time I see someone outside of the mcyt community not clowning on us or putting dni in their bio, thinking we're just weirdos. we're wonderful weirdos, I love what we've made here, but it's been ingrained into me to hate myself for what makes me happy.

I wish I didn't have to filter my thoughts. have cover up interests, pretend I'm so invested in a video game I haven't played in months. I've picked up my sister is masking and sucking up to him too. I feel bad for her.

im tired. I escape here and it's so wonderful, I can talk to people that make me happy and understand and won't lecture me and make me feel pathetic over the tiniest slip of my words. people will cheer with me, make me feel not alone, I love you all so much. you'll listen to me be happy, think about things that make me happy and interest me. even if I'm incoherent, even if you don't know what I'm talking about, even if it's too late and I'm making too many typos, I love you. I love you I love you I love you.

[maybeebeee]

Won't You Stay With Me, My Darling?

weeeee i'm writing again? i started writing this like two months ago and finished it at 1am so...do with that information as you will haha but I've been thinking about this au for aaaages and am glad that i finally finished writing something for it! hope you love it like i do :)

Pairing: Layla El-Faouly/Marc Spector, implied Layla El-Faouly/Steven Grant

Rating: G

Characters: Layla El-Faouly, Marc Spector, Steven Grant, Jake Lockley (mentioned), Khonshu (mentioned)

Tags: AU - Star Wars universe, Jedi Layla El-Faouly, bounty hunter Marc Spector, mutual pining, fluff, first kiss, idiots in love

Word count: 2301

Summary: A Jedi and a bounty hunter face a moral conundrum. In other words...Jedha is a cold planet, and Layla doesn't do well in the cold.

Read on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Despite being a desert moon, Jedha is freezing all the time, which Layla had not been expecting the first time she had stepped out of her ship onto the planet’s surface. It’s been six months since then, and every time she’s come back it’s been just as much of a shock — and yet she still finds herself coming back again and again.

Of course, that’s mostly thanks to Marc. Or more specifically, Khonshu demanding that Marc keep coming back. The skeletal avian creature keeps promising just one more contract, and then the bounty hunter will be free, but there’s always something else, and Marc is bound until Khonshu decides to withdraw whatever hold he has on his already-fractured mind.

Layla still feels uneasy around the alien — ever since their first meeting when she had sensed the way the very air around him was almost stained with the dark side, she hasn’t trusted him. She trusts Marc, and Steven, and even Jake now that she’s met him a few more times, but not their…employer. Anyone who uses the dark side to indenture people can’t be trusted, no matter how “beneficial” the work they send them to do is.

And it’s true that Marc’s work is generally for good, it’s why Layla joined him on his travels in the first place. Taking down Imperial cells across the galaxy — especially those operating their own further very illegal and unethical programs within — is what she had already been doing herself, as a way to honour all of her fellow Jedi that had given their lives trying to do the same before the purge took them away. 

It’s nice to have someone else to fight alongside again, even if his employer is an untrustworthy bird creature who fell off the Jedi path centuries ago and has been using the dark side to bring people back from near-death and force them to serve him as his own personal bounty hunters until he feels like letting them go. 

It’s not like that’s Marc’s fault. 

In any case, Layla doesn’t mind coming back to Jedha regularly. It’s one of the few places in the galaxy she feels truly safe as a Jedi these days, and the hum of the Force through her veins when she’s here is always a source of comfort.

She’s trying to focus on it now, sitting on the floor of the small, draughty room she and Marc are staying in this time, but the cold nips at her even through her layers of clothes and makes it hard to keep her mind fixed on her meditation. It’s been hard enough to meditate since Master Taweret was killed — though Layla had been a fully-fledged Jedi Knight for several years before the purge, the loss of her old master had left a hole in her heart that she’s still not sure will ever fully heal, and reaching out with the Force had been almost impossible for weeks after Taweret’s death. She’s still getting used to it now, though it’s been nearly three years. 

People always spoke of how hard it could be to reconnect to the Force after the loss of their master, but nothing could have ever prepared her for how hard it would be after the loss of her entire Order. Not only is Taweret gone, but so is anyone else who could have helped her through this.

And then there’s the Marc issue. 

Her whole life, Layla had been taught detachment. Never letting her feelings compromise her work as a Jedi. Loving people and being compassionate but never allowing deep attachment to one person to occur. Even her very familial-like relationship with Taweret was on a knife’s edge of being too attached in the Council’s view, which was partly why she had been pushed through her Trials at only nineteen. And romance was absolutely off the cards.

Now though…the Order is gone, and Marc is here. Marc, and Steven, and Jake. But mostly Marc.

Layla’s been drawn to him from the first moment they had crossed paths, and it seems fateful to her that they’ve stayed together this long since then. The Force drew her to him, she’s sure of it, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t still conflict in her mind about it. 

She loves him, she has for some time now. She hasn’t admitted it out loud, but she senses that he knows, and it’s clear that he feels the same too. And although she’s made her peace with it, it’s something she’s still unsure of navigating, something that brings…not fear, per se, but an uncertainty that she’s not used to.

The Jedi had tried to keep everything so black and white. Light side and dark side. Since the fall of the Order she’s seen so many ways that it can co-exist and intersect — like in Khonshu even, someone who is so far into the dark side the Jedi would have written him off a long time ago if they’d known he was still alive, and yet he wants the Empire gone as much as anyone Layla would see as more typically light would. Granted, he has very questionable ways of going about his work, and she’s certain it’s more out of self-interest than the greater good, but…he’s still helping, in some strange way.

Layla’s grown less afraid of her feelings in the past months. She knows she’s doing work that the Jedi would be proud of, even if she’s not necessarily doing it the way they would’ve wanted her to. She’s confident, not afraid of igniting her lightsabers and fighting in the name of peace and justice; and not afraid of admitting, at least to herself, that her feelings for Marc are there. 

That doesn’t make it any easier to act on them, although her own hesitation is starting to drive her mad. It’s like she just can’t shake the hands of the Council on her shoulders, warning her that acting on her feelings could be a path to the dark side. She knows it won’t be — if losing Master Taweret taught her anything it’s that love has only made her more determined to stay on the path of the light, but…maybe it’s just that this kind of love feels like a violation of rules she’d been directly instructed not to break.

“You’re thinking so loud,” Marc comments from the doorway, where Layla knows he’s been standing for at least a few minutes, “I thought meditating was supposed to stop the thoughts.”

“It’s supposed to clear the mind,” She corrects, not opening her eyes, “But I can’t concentrate when it’s so cold.”

He finally moves toward the makeshift bed they’d set up in the corner when they’d arrived — it’s his turn to sleep on the floor, and thankfully he’s not complained as much as usual this time — and plops down on the pillows. He’s quiet for long enough that Layla finally gives up and peeps open one eye, enough to catch him staring at her.

She sighs and leans back to lay on the cold floor before she can think better of it, and a shiver runs up her spine immediately, “Alright, I give up. How long has it been anyway?”

Marc shrugs and holds up a tracking fob before just as quickly tossing it into his bag. “Long enough to debrief the bird and get my next job. We can go in a few days. Steven wants to get some supplies from the markets, which probably means he wants new clothes—” 

His gaze shifts towards the window for a moment, where Layla can sense Steven’s presence and almost picture his indignant expression, “Yeah, I’m onto you, no more ponchos…” Marc shakes his head, “Fine, but it better not be on me when I come in, ever. Anyway,” He glances back at her, “I think we’re all overdue for a good sleep. So…let’s do that first.”

Layla stands up and stretches out her stiff limbs — sitting down for that long really doesn’t do wonders for the joints, she thinks. “Good idea. Meditation is rest, in a way, but it’s still…taxing on the mind and spirit.”

“Again, thought the point was to clear the mind.” Marc imitates her with a half-smile, to which she shoots him a withering stare as she sheds her outer layers of clothing and climbs into the bed, “Sorry. Yeah, you get this look when you’ve been meditating, like you’re awake but you’re not really there again until you’ve slept. I do notice things sometimes.”

She purses her lips at him, fighting the heat rising to her cheeks at the notion of being so known by someone. By Marc. “So you do.” She muses and drops her head to the pillow, “Good night.”

“Sleep well.”

Layla tries, she really does, but it’s so cold. There’s several blankets piled on top of her and she’s still shivering despite her best efforts to stay perfectly still in the spot she’s already warmed with her own body heat. Thoughts of warmer planets swirl in her mind, of deserts with actual desert heat, or jungle planets with humidity that makes her hair frizz up something terrible but at least keeps her cocooned in warmth and relative comfort — at least compared to the bone-biting chill of Jedha.

It’s probably been twenty minutes by the time Marc speaks up again from his spot on the floor.

“Layla, I can hear you shivering.”

“I’m fine.”

Layla hears the telltale rustle of blankets and knows that Marc is standing, staring. She pointedly keeps her own gaze fixed on the ceiling. A beat longer, and another pile of blankets is dropped on top of her, on which she can faintly smell Marc’s familiar metallic, smoky scent. The man himself is still standing beside the bed, so she finally turns her gaze towards him. Even in the dark she can see how earnestly he’s looking at her, and it makes her heart leap up into her throat. Neither of them say a word. 

Layla is a little shaky as she lifts up the covers in silent invitation, never mind the cold air it lets into the bed with her, if only for a brief moment. Any hesitation she had been dwelling on before is gone, throwing caution to the wind and deciding for once in her life to follow her heart. Stars, the Council would be so disappointed in her. But it’s now or never.

Marc nods, wasting no time slipping in beside her and pulling the blankets tight around them both. Layla finds herself drawing close to his warmth immediately, curling an arm around his waist as his own hand presses tentatively into the centre of her back. They’re chest to chest, sharing the same breath in the almost nonexistent gap between them, and it’s so warm. 

Layla can sense his nerves — although she doesn’t need the Force to tell her that, with the rabbiting of his heartbeat thrumming through her so clearly she might’ve thought he’d pressed his own heart right into her chest in silent offering. It’s clear that their unspoken line has been crossed, they’ve gone beyond the threshold without even having to say out loud, “Come in.”

She reaches up with her other hand to trace her fingers over his cheekbone, and he lets out a long breath as he leans into her gentle touch.

“How long have you—” He starts hoarsely.

“Since the beginning,” She breathes, “Always.”

Marc leans in to press his forehead against hers, bumps their noses together with a quiet, disbelieving laugh, “The whole time. I was thinking this whole time that I was the galaxy’s biggest idiot, falling for…well, anyone really, but especially a Jedi who wouldn’t love me back. Hell, even Steven’s been telling me that. He’s…sort of in on this too, but it’s not like he would’ve done this, right? Honestly, I’m surprised I did it.”

Layla smiles warmly, presses a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth, “I’m glad you did. I’ve been trying to work up the strength to tell you for so long, but you know it’s…complicated, with the lessons I had drilled into me by the Council for so long. But,” She punctuates with another soft kiss to his dimple, “This Jedi does love you back.”

His exhale is shaky, but he tilts his head to catch her lips with his own, and oh, Layla is well and truly done for. His hand is strong on her back, his mouth soft and warm and tasting vaguely minty — she never wants to taste anything else if she can help it — and all too soon he’s drawing back, though now his other hand is cupping her cheek just as she’s doing to him. She wonders vaguely if he can feel her blush under his fingertips, just as she can feel his. 

“You’ve stopped shivering.” Marc points out, but pulls her closer all the same.

She huffs out a laugh, “You’re warm.”

He sneaks another kiss before replying, “No more cold nights for you, hm? You let me in once and you’re probably not gonna get rid of me, or Steven when he finds out, just so you know.”

“I can live with that.” She smiles, “You’re all good company.”

Marc’s expression mirrors Layla’s, and it’s a while longer trading kisses and whispered stories of their many realisations of love for each other before they finally start dozing off, clinging to each other like they never want to be separated again. The galaxy is a tough place, and there’s still so much fighting to be done for the Jedi and bounty hunter pair before all this will truly get easier. But for now?

Layla is warm in Marc’s embrace. And that’s enough for her.

[lonelyrambles]

I know that I'm not meant to trust how I feel about my life after 9pm/11pm/2am/1am/whenever

[thegeminisage]

time for a star trek update. sunday we watched ds9's "dax" and tng's "tapestry," and last night* we watched ds9's "the passenger"

*times changed as always i am actually typing this up at 1am and scheduling it to go up later

dax (ds9):

i feel like we sorely needed this episode bc we havent gotten much out of dax yet, except for how she (he? to refer to the old one right) and sisko fucked twins together or something (and good for them)

i like the ethical questions it presents. IS jadzia responsible for crimes curzon committed? she both is and isn't the same person, but who she is can't be split down the middle, so how can you be fair to both halves?

WWWILD that people fight for the honor of being possessed by a worm. i think that sounds horrible. not everyone has to agree with me, of course

i like whatever sisko and dax have going on. "you used to be way older than me and my father figure and we fucked twins one time but now you're a SUPER hot young woman who i both know very well and also don't know at all and one time you touched my face oh So gently." like, what the hell was that, firstly, and secondly, he can't even decide if he's attracted to her or not. the upshot of it all being that if jadzia was only jadzia she would, hilariously, be way too young for him

kira didn't have much screentime in this episode but i like when she and sisko instantly and nonverbally worked out that she was gonna be a shit about bureaucracy simply to get dax's ass out of the frying pan. and she smiled the whole time she did it!! i love i love i LOVE that she smiles when she's angry. one hundo percent my fav thing about her

they didn't exactly answer any of the questions they set up in this episode bc dax got off on a technicality (didn't do the murder) but i kind of like it better that way. like, you really CAN'T answer where dax ends and jadzia begins, that's the point of it. if i was ranking ds9 characters from most to least favorite (adn trust me i WILL get to that), dax would probably be near be near the bottom, not bc i don't like her but because usually she's very closed off and not interesting, but this was fascinating af. good for her

tapestry (tng):

this episode fucking sucked ass

firstly, q didn't add anything to this episode. like he didn't save picard from danger, or affect change in any way whatsoever. picard coded but lived. that's the exact same thing that would have happened had q not interfered. so what did he even do that for? normally he gives a reason even if it is a bad one but this time it's ???

way too few moments of q wanting desperately to fuck picard while picard wants desperately to be away from him bc he a wretched little man. i bet he watched picard fuck that girl though

which by the way is sooo weird. she's too young to be kissing sir patrick stewart, love and light

the story picard told about getting stabbed to wesley was actually one of the cooler moments of that episode, but seeing it acted out, especially by the actor who played young picard, made it...less cool. sir patrick stewart did a better job because he's sir patrick stewart, but i was so done with the episode by the time we got there that i didn't care

what was the message of this episode exactly? it's dumb to have regrets? you should always get into bar brawls that can kill you and you're a bad friend if you don't do it? don't attempt to initiate a romantic relationship with a girl you've been crushing on who has stated that she likes you back? picard's like "hey maybe we shouldn't provoke these guys who can kill us over a fucking game" and suddenly everyone in his life thinks he's a bad person?? like he was afraid for his life and his friend was just bulldozing over all his concerns THAT GUY is a bad person. not picard?? for once??

johnny nickname stupid. actually picard's whole younger self persona sucks. it's like what society thinks captain kirk was, because of KIRK DRIFT. he's a caricature. and old present day picard is a pussy who never leaves the ship and told worf to kill himself?? is there no middle ground???

oh yeah and isn't it a little insulting to be like...my god, this LOSER who carries around papers all day and does nothing else, this life is a fate worse than death! it's better to be DEAD than in a body of a low ranking science officer. If You Don't Get Stabbed In Bar Fights No One Will Ever Notice You You Will Never Be Offered Opportunities

like sorry who did they think watched star trek...surely not people with day jobs which involved carrying papers to superiors

at least we have dom jot. it look sooooo fun i was utterly captivated by it i wanna play it in REAL LIFE

anyway. bad episodes when we not only don't have the side characters doing nothing but they straight up arent even here. SIGH. i want tng to be good so bad please please please let the next ones be good

the passenger (ds9):

HELLOOOOOO this one served SOOO much cunt. like, first of all, i want that twink obliterated

it's increasingly funny to be watching julian get shot down by dax. it's like the vibe q and picard have but more grounded and less horrible. and you can tell she really likes him but not Like That, more like a "aww this is my pet twink who keeps hitting on me hes so funny" kind of way. she thinks he's adorable but wouldn't fuck him.

I HOPE. i'll be crushed if he has any romantic entanglements because i want to exclusively imagine him with garak but also because whatever he has going on with jadzia is really funny

also, whatever speech he was making to kira in the shuttle about how fucking great he is when this is his first field assignment. he is so unwell and also funny. her giving up in sheer incredulity and playing along for the bit because he's so stupid you can't even be insulted was like. really good.

odo my beloved...he was really autistic in this episode. he was like, i need to know exactly what my duties are and who's in charge and know that i won't be undermined here. considering the xenophobia he's dealt with i absolutely get it. AND!!! he gave that annoying yellowshirt guy full credit where it was due even though he was being annoying and a big meanie earlier. i loved also that sisko was straight with him, said he liked him, AND!!! stood up for him behind his back. picard never supports his people like this he's too busy telling worf to kill himself ro whatever it is that he does

i also like, of course, all that he has going on with quark. "i'm always watching him" or whatever he said. so true. not to be space racist, but if you'd told me before i watched ds9 i'd have so much fun with the ferengi i'd have thought you were out of your fucking mind

anyway, i haven't decided if anyone in ds9 is my specialest little princess yet but odo, sisko, and kira are currently my top contenders.

oh, speaking of that annoying yellowshirt guy, i was SOOO sure the bad guy had jumped in him bc of his personality transplant but he really did just get his act together and the bad guy was in bashir instead. LOVED that twist bc star trek so rarely manages to trick me, but also i solved it ahead of time because of Clues so i got to feel tricked AND feel smart

the guy who plays julian certainly did act. in those scenes. he opened his mouth so wide to enunciate. he spoke so slowly. it was so fucking hilarious

i like when he got back and he was like it's me, don't shoot! they shot his ass anyway. i literally want that twink obliterated

anyway 9/10 great episode the only thing i missed was o'brien

NEXT TIME: tng's "birthright," parts i & ii, hopefully at the same time lol

[unbrcakablc-hcart]

sleep, chronic, relaxation, stress

all about health meme (answered ooc cuz vash would never share any this shit)

sleep: how many hours a night does my muse sleep? do they take naps? how restful is their sleep? do they experience nightmare? if so, how often?

{honestly, for vash, it varies... a LOT. in extreme cases, he gets as little as 3 hours (which is thankfully rare), and on the other end, he's been known to sleep for 12 hours straight (which generally means he's about to fall ill). most of the time, he falls between 6-8 hours, due to the fact that he wakes up between 7-9am no matter how late he falls asleep, which ranges anywhere from 10pm to 1am. it doesn't help him feel any less tired most of the time.}

{if he thinks he can get by with it, he DEFINITELY takes naps, and it's something he's started to do a lot more now that he's travelling with a group and feels safe enough to. he did it occasionally when he was on his own, but usually when he was between towns; he otherwise felt like he was being lazy and wasting time that he could be spending helping other people, and it's still hard to fight the feeling sometimes.}

{his general sleep quality HAS improved though, because now that he sleeps with wolfwood and the rest of the gang every night, he feels like it's relatively safe to take off his prosthetic arm and that they'll probably protect him long enough for him to put it back on if something were to happen.}

{but he still isn't very restful when he's asleep; he shifts around a lot and finds himself waking up slightly through the night whether he really registers it or not, typically because of chronic pain. on top of that, he's a light sleeper anyway; he used to be a deeper sleeper, but he's kind of trained himself out of it... in that he has so much anxiety. all the time. and knows it's never really safe to get TOO deep in sleep.}

{he's also... pretty nightmare prone. he tells himself he's used to it and for the most part, that's true, but god knows there's a lot of shit he just REFUSES to process and acknowledge that his subconscious dredges up when he's asleep and they've just gotten worse the longer he's been alive. he has nightmares more nights than not, and he tends to remember the more intense ones.}

{this man is honestly so sleep deprived please help him.}

chronic: does my muse have any chronic health conditions / illnesses? how do these affect them from day-to-day?

{so first of all. by this point vash definitely has chronic fatigue. and he definitely has a form of chronic pain. i'm tempted to give him fibromyalgia on top of everything else he has going on because it's something i personally have and idk what it's like to NOT have fibromyalgia honestly.}

{if you were to ask vash, he would tell you that it doesn't affect his day to day life much. and probably he's not entirely wrong, because this is just... The Way He Lives Now.}

{but he looks perpetually tired and almost always looks like he's in a little bit of pain, but he's gotten good at playing it off and hiding it. it's a small part of why he wears his shades All The Time; if he does things right, no one can notice the circles under his eyes and the wrinkle between his eyebrows that reveal these things.}

{he also tends towards having a bit of a limp when the pain really starts to get bad; he can force himself to ignore it, and usually he puts forth an effort to hide it so no one will notice enough to either worry, or take advantage of it.}

{vash is a very paranoid little man who hates giving off signs of weakness or vulnerability and if he starts to actively complain, he either trusts you a LOT, or you should worry. most likely, both.}

relaxation: what does my muse do to relax? do they find it easy to carve out time to relax?

{answering this one for lostcompact!!}

stress: does my muse handle stress well? what is a surefire sign for others to tell that they’ve become stressed? how does stress affect them mentally / physically?

{vash can handle short-term stress pretty well; if it's something he knows how to handle, and he feels like he's helping someone, he almost relishes the stress and is pretty in control of the situation. it's why getting shot at doesn't REALLY bother him anymore, at least in the moment; it's afterwards where you have to worry.}

{the more stressed he gets, the more vash fidgets and squirms idly. this can be hard to detect if you've just met him because the guy already naturally fidgets, but if he starts to mess with his handcuff or if he starts to mess with his hands more than usual. he usually only really touches his handcuff when he's getting VERY nervous.}

{and, of course, he starts to whip out the empty, hurting grin.}

{in terms of behavior, he kind of goes... just about everywhere, but he makes an even more concerted effort to be funny, like SEE WOULD A DEPRESSED PERSON DO THIS [becomes the worst most annoying clown of a man no man's land has ever seen], but he's also got a tendency to just start crying at the drop of a hat without even knowing why, usually the moment he stops being busy and stops performing for people. this habit is one he hides the MOST.}

{stress especially results in him eating less frequently, feeling more nauseous, starting to shake, and having a harder time putting his thoughts together. if he's stressed AND feeling useless and worthless, his self-care just walks off a cliff to die, much to the chagrin of literally everyone he travels with, and he's being forced to learn to stop doing that.}

{his mental issues... also generally get a lot worse. his depression and anxiety ESPECIALLY.}

[idyllic-affections]

hii, i've always been watching you from afar and just wanted to say that your achilles heel has to be one of my FAVOURITE series to note! (for the life of me, i can't remember if you've posted a part 2 for it). pantalone hasn't been a very notable character for me, yet not only did you manage to portray his character well, but you also provided such a great dynamic between pantalone and the reader, which made it SO interesting to catch up on and go "what's next? what will be next?" you made me feel interested in a character that i literally feel nothing towards, and i'm sure i can say this for many of your followers!!

he's supposed to be this rich madman that cares naught for anything else, or at least, that used to be my general understanding of him as a character (haven't put much thought into him!) but reading through your fics and rambling really has opened my eyes to him! your platonic fics, like the entirety of them, really feels so natural and right, i'm always in awe at how well you manage to properly describe how it would feel to be so, so close to these characters in such an intimate, yet familial bond. keep up the good work, and i hope you continue to write what makes you happy! have a good day!

(wrote this at nearly 1am, hope there's no mistakes!)

ahh hello dear!! thank you sm <3 i did post part 2 and i'm quite happy with how it came out! and i appreciate that so much. my interpretation of pantalone is always changing and developing, because really, i don't have much to go off of. so i have to fill in the gaps with what i think he'll end up being like based on the few bits of information i can find... and a lot of people seem to enjoy the way i write him! which is something i'm very happy about. there's a lot of potential to be explored with a character like that.

i do my best to show people that intimacy does not have to be romantic and does not have to have romantic undertones. platonic intimacy is often overlooked, whether in a familial context or just in a generally nonromantic context. and i like being able to bring attention to it in this way. in some cases, it helps me work through personal issues. in others, it's just because i feel an astounding amount of platonic love for a character, and people do seem to share that love! it means a lot that you think so highly of what i write <33

i find that portaying trust and intimacy is never as simple as saying "i trust you." actions do speak louder than words sometimes, after all. it's the little things. in the case of achilles heel, it's pantalone's inclination to take off his gloves when he knows he'll be in physical contact with [name]. because those gloves create a safe barrier between him and the blueblooded nobles he has to associate with, between him and his coworkers, between him and the world. but he doesn't want that barrier in between him and his child--if anything, he wants them within that barrier. there are other ways too, but that one is the most important.

but thank you!!!!! you as well, dear 🫶🫶🫶

[gb-diesellok]

Honestly like to think.. I'm thriving despite being a train forced to pretend I'm human.

Sometimes I feel....I really believe it. Sometimes I forget how fucked up my mental state is.

I told my boyfriend about why i was so upset. But i forgot. Earlier today, when I woke up. I had a combination [grief/ jealousy/ depression/ feral rage] mental crisis because it's not fair I don't have either of my previous partners, Dinah or Golden Spike, in my life anymore... I don't know. I was fucking unhinged for like 4 hours because I saw [redacted for anonymity and mysteriousness]. Like what the fuck I got so triggered over nothing.

I know it's dumb but I can't help it..But I feel better. I feel good... I feel good. I'm normal... Just kidding. Never trust how you feel about anything at 1am.

Maybe I'm still mad as fuck because I miss my 'wife' and I miss my 'husband' so fucking bad it feels like shit. I see her face. Dinah, I loved you so much and I can't have you in this one. So close. So far. You can't understand. It is fucking haunting but I can't keep away... I LOVE HOW HAPPY I FEEL ... WHEN I WRITE...

I dont know, gang. Maybe this post crash/wreck, post losing my 'wife' and 'husband', i lost everything I knew and loved. It destroyed me. This mental shattering that i keep duct taping together desperately is probably part of my alluring charm now...because I mean. Fuck, it probably isn't my charisma anymore....please stick together. Please stay together. . I want to be kept together. I don't like when I break . .