#I'll make a better one with an ACTUAL useful topic to discuss

[kawa-goat]

This will probably be my stupidest post, but can anyone tell me I'm overthinking this?

These are screenshots from pages 66 and 67 of Waking Nightmare, respectively.

The focus here is the last few paragraphs (i.e., the ones highlighted).

When I first read this book, I thought that the reason Maritza's cheeks turned red was because she was angry at Nicky for keeping this hidden from her for so long (the event between Nicky and Mya happened a few months before this scene).

Think of it like this: Maritza was Mya's closest friend, and since her disappearance she's been going to the GAAP by herself despite Enzo's protest. Next to Enzo, Nicky is Maritza's closest person and really the only one she can confide in her burdens with the Peterson family. So when Nicky keeps such a crucial piece of information hidden from her like that, it's understandable why she'd be upset.

Besides, Nicky retorts defensively in an angry tone, further evidence for what I said before.

And yet...

I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm seeing things where they don't exist, but lately I've been thinking her cheeks turned red over something else (you know what I mean...) rather than, y'know, the explanation that should make more sense, IMO.

And then again, Nicky turned defensive for "no particular reason", or so he said. Which is... strange. If Maritza was trying to accuse him, shouldn't that be the reason why he turned defensive in the first place? Nicky is not stupid. He's very observant.

So maybe his reaction is because Maritza wasn't trying to accuse him? And her question was for... something else?

Man, wtf am I even writing.

I hope my first assumption is the correct one, because I hate love triangles (no matter how short-lived they are) and how they are poorly written.

At least, if the passage was implying in that sense, I'm glad Mya died before this became an actual thing, icl. /j

[un-fwuit-un-fwog]

HELLOOO👋🏻

Since your requests were open could you do a Leona x fem!reader??

Where the reader is initially wary of men due to past experiences back in her world. So when she's in twst world (more specifically in NRC) she's cautious around boys, but Leona notices and tries to gain her trust. Alot of people misunderstood him being a player, womanizer, mean cruel man etc when he's actually not like that. I guess you're my only hope for a Leona x reader request lololol 😭

Hope you have time to do this req!

Thank you for the request! I've been itching to write more Leona content, and you gave me an excuse to take a moment away from my The Rain series to do so! (I've had a somewhat similar idea rolling around in my head for months, but I'll save that for another fic ;))

I tried not to let the story or its themes veer too far off into. . .unsavory directions/topics, but some things have to be at least acknowledged in a vague way when discussing this topic. I tried to do so as respectfully as possible, but if I failed, please tell me so I can do better!

Synopsis: Fem! Reader who is wary of men grows to trust Leona.

TW: mentions of the reader having previous bad experiences with men, but I tried to keep it rather vague; reader has anxiety about being in a school full of men as well as having to stay with them in the events of book 3; reader gets chased by a guy that wants to beat her up near the end, but Leona steps in (I tried not to make it a princess in distress situation, but tell me if it comes off too much that way)

Being thrown into an unfamiliar world is awful. Being thrown into an unfamiliar world and being stuck in an all male school there? You had to question what kind atrocities you committed in your past life to deserve this fate.

It took you a while, but you managed to make. . .friends here. However, even those bonds were rather unsteady and fragile.

It's not that you hated men. You were simply wary of them. You had had past experiences that were. . .unsavory: being catcalled, the uncomfortable conversations with men who approached you in scarcely populated gas stations at night, the jokes no woman in her right mind would find funny, and even some experiences that to this day keep you up at night wondering what your fate would have been if you had done even the slightest thing differently.

You tried to trust the clearly good-hearted people who you logically knew had no ulterior motives hidden behind their kindness, but it was hard. Traumas are not easily forgotten or healed.

That's why, when the events with Octavinelle went down, you were on the verge of hyperventilating. You were friends with Ace and Deuce, and you trusted them as much as you could muster yourself to allow, but that was them. You didn't know, and certainly didn't trust, everyone who resided in Heartslabyul.

Jack's offer didn't seem much better to you, but when it came down to it, you didn't exactly have any other options.

The arrangement ended up being that you would stay with Leona in his room. You weren't sure if you'd prefer this over staying in a packed room with more people.

He barely acknowledged you, or, at least, it seemed that way at first. As your short time staying with him passed, you noticed some things. For one, Ruggie always complained that when he was waking up Leona, the lion wouldn't even wait for Ruggie to get out of the room to begin getting dressed, but Leona had always changed in the bathroom connected to his room for as long as you had stayed there. He also never got too close to you; and when anyone else did, he'd come up with a conveniently timed task for them to do. He didn't use his bathroom for anything other than changing while you were there, and instead used the dorm showers, leaving you his bathroom to yourself.

Don't get me wrong, he didn't go easy on you. He simply respected you and your right to space and privacy. You aren't sure if this was simply how he was raised, if he had noticed your wariness and acted so as not to worsen it, or if it was a mix of both.

By the end of your stay in Savanaclaw, you had somehow managed to find a sense of security in being there with the lion.

As time passed after your stay at Savanaclaw, you found yourself continuing to sit in the botanical garden during lunch. When Crowley decided you would be required to join a club, you joined the Spelldrive Club as a manager. On the rare occasion you had joint alchemy classes with Leona's class, he was unexpectedly present to class and would always 'begrudgingly' agree to be your partner.

However, what really cemented him in your mind as someone who could be trusted was the incident.

You had to stay after school as Grim had caused trouble again and gotten the two of you into detention. You were allowed to leave a bit early as you hadn't caused as much trouble, and you did because you had errands you had some items you needed to pick up from Sam's shop before it closed for the night.

As you walked through the hallways, you were distracted making a mental grocery list. In your somewhat spacey state, you bumped into another student.

He accused you of bumping into him purposefully and it soon became clear he wasn't planning to let you go unscathed. He was massive compared to you, so you knew that if things were to get physical you wouldn't have a great chance of coming out of things on top, so, you did the only thing you could do at the time and ran.

The other student shouted after you and took chase. You ran for what felt like an eternity. Your legs burned so bad you were astonished you were still managing to take steps, and your lungs felt as though they were on the verge of imploding. You weren't consciously thinking of where you were going as you ran, but you found yourself approaching the botanical garden with the other student hot on your heels.

Telling yourself that if you just gained a little more distance you'd be able to find a spot in the plants to hide without him noticing, you urged your legs to pick up the pace.

However, luck wasn't on your side, and, when you got into the garden, you tripped over an uneven brick on the path and toppled face first into the unforgiving stone. You skidded painfully across the bricks, your knees and palms being skinned in the process.

You did your best to scramble to your feet, but your legs had finally given out.

"Gotcha."

You heard a sickening voice not that far away as footsteps approached you at far too fast a rate for you to crawl into a bush before he reached you.

It was when you were searching the foliage on the sides of the path that you noticed what you had at first mistaken as a stick laying in the path, but upon further inspection you realized to be a tail.

You took in a deep breath before screaming "LEONA!" and praying it would be enough to wake the lion.

"The hell are you babbling about!" The voice of the other student snarled before you felt a harsh grip on your collar yank you up. "I was originally just gonna make you pay up for bumping into me so rudely, but after that chase you put me through, I think my fists have some anger pent up."

You ducked your head and braced for impact, but it never came. What did come was a soft warmth that caught you and held you up once the student's hand had finally released its grip on you. When you opened your eyes, you saw a clearly ticked off Lion.

He had one arm snaked under your shoulder and around your stomach to keep you up, and his other had a firm grip on the guy's wrist.

You were too dazed and hyped up on adrenaline to take in the words the two exchanged, but you swore you heard a crack moments before Leona let go of his wrist. The guy fled and were sure that if he were a beastman he'd have his tail between his legs.

You were torn out of your daze by an uncharacteristically soft, but still gruff voice: "Can you walk?"

It took you a moment to form words, but you eventually managed to reply: "I'm not hurt, but-"

Before you could finish your sentence, your legs were swept out from under you. A brief "'scuse me" left Leona's lips as he picked you up, and an unfamiliar feeling blossomed in your chest.

Seeing the shift in your expression, Leona sighed "Look, I know you like your personal space, but you can't walk and I'd feel like crap if I left ya out here, so I gotta carry you to the infirmary. I woulda asked, but it's not like I could get ya there any other way. You can punch me later if ya want."

The trip to the infirmary was silent. Thoughts raced through your head, but one of the most prominent was: "I called out for him."

You had no other choice but to come to terms with the terrifying realization that you trusted this man. For better or for worse, you trusted him. . .and while it scared you, it also bloomed this warm feeling in your chest.

You let your head fall against his chest as he carried you, and if he took note of that, he didn't let it show.

After you got checked out at the infirmary and reported the incident to Professor Crewel (because we all know Crowley is too incompetent at his job to do anything), Leona walked you back to your dorm.

The two of you never verbally acknowledged the events of that day again, nor did you talk about the feelings that came with them.

He was never not there after that, and you didn't mind the company.

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Miraculous vs The Power of Love

I've written several posts where I talked about Miraculous' poor use of the power of love trope and how that massively turned me off to canon. Three strikes and you're out! When this topic comes up I usually bring up Adrien and only Adrien. This has led to some anger at the fact that I didn't mention love failing anyone else as it absolutely has. I've also seen some anger over my desire for Adrien to defeat Gabriel's control and win the day since Adrien is a victim and that means that it's perfectly fine if he fails to beat his father's control no matter what the consequences of that failure are. After all, the failure isn't really on Adrien. It's on Gabriel. A sentiment I understand, but don't agree with since this is a writing blog. I'm discussing the message the writing is sending not which character gets the in-universe blame.

I'm not going to change how I discuss this topic since it is my honest opinion, but I can explain that opinion in depth to hopefully save us all from miscommunication! That's why I'm making this post! It addresses all of the above. I'll be linking to this whenever the topic comes up so that I can include some nuance without having to go into all of the detail I'm about to go into because - as you'll see - this is a long one which is why I don't go into this depth in other posts. It would just totally derail them. I'm also not going to go into the deconstruction aspect of things here because this is already really long, but I do have a post on that for even more nuance!

If you disagree with any of this, that's totally fine! I just ask that you keep the your counter arguments civil. Remember, we're talking about a badly written kids show that none of us have the power to change and the magical power of love isn't real so it doesn't actually matter if I'm right about this. Nor is Adrien going to thank you for coming to his aid. He doesn't exist and, as always, my issue is not him as a person. My issue is the way the narrative uses him as a storytelling tool.

What Is the Power of Love?

The power of love is a trope where either platonic or romantic love saves the hero from some type of conflict or upsetting situation. It's a rather broad trope that can be used in conflicts of any size, but even TV tropes acknowledges that it's primarily "applied in dire situations to make things better. In fact, in many Disney movies it's the solution to everything." That definition is how I approach the power of love.

To put it more bluntly, unless we're talking about a specific example, when I say "the power of love" I am thinking of a story's climax or, in the case of something like a multi-season show, one of the climaxes. More specifically, I'm thinking of the lyrics to one of my favorite cheesy pop songs:

There comes a time When you face the toughest of fights Searching for a sign Lost in the darkest of nights The wind blows so cold Standing alone Before the battle's begun But deep in your soul The future unfolds As bright as the rays of the sun You've got to believe In the power of love

If it's not the toughest of fights or the darkest of nights, then the power of love failing may disappoint me, but I don't consider it an unforgivable sin. In some cases, I'd even be disappointed if the power of love was brought in before the climax! The power of love is the ultimate cheesy move so it makes sense to save it for the last minute if using it earlier would lessen or even ruin that last minute epic save.

To show what I mean, let's talk about another trope that Miraculous has failed to use well, but that doesn't ruin the show for me. A trope that has led the show to do the exact thing we just discussed: ignore a small moment when love should have won to allow for a bigger win when all hope seems lost.

The Evil Clone Thing

[Image description: the Buzz and Woody meme with the words "Evil Clones. Evil Clones Everywhere"]

There have been an absurd number of episodes where the evil clone/evil twin trope came into play, but the three big ones are Ladybug, Optigami, and the season four final. In each of these episodes, we see a good character replaced by an identical evil version. We also see the good character's love interest fail to recognize that their crush/romantic partner has been replaced. That means that all three of these episodes see the power of romantic love failing. We also don't see a more platonic version of love show up to save the day.

The worst of these episode is the season four final where Marinette doesn't recognize that Felix has taken Adrien's place. That deception is how Gabriel steals the miraculous so it's obviously a pretty big deal and can be argued as a major fail for the power of love. I don't disagree. I think that Marinette's love should have let her see through the lies and dislike that the writers took this route to make her lose. However, I don't have this on my list of moments when the power of love needed to win for the story to work.

While Marinette failing to recognize Felix leads to her darkest hour, it does not happen in her darkest hour. Her darkest hour comes when she actually loses the miraculous which happens in a completely different scene from the one where she's deceived. It's also worth noting that Felix is not present in this moment of loss so there was no opportunity for the power of love to pull off a last minute win.

The loss of the miraculous leads to a scene where Ladybug is sitting alone in the rain, ready to give up all hope. And what happens next?

[Image description: Chat Noir standing in the rain, smiling, holding out his hand to Ladybug]

Chat Noir shows up to reignite Ladybug's will to fight via his love and support. She takes his hand, he draws her into a hug, and they stand together as one, ready to once again face their enemy:

Cat Noir: We're gonna get them back one by one…until the very last. And we'll make sure this never happens again. Ladybug: You...and me? Cat Noir: You, the best superhero there ever was... and me, your loyal partner.

A lot of people love this scene and it led to some major hype for season five which means that it's time to quote some more of that cheesy song that I brought up at the start:

Stand by my side There's nothing to hide Together we'll fight to the end Take hold of my hand And you'll understand What it truly means to be friends You've got to believe (you've got to believe) In the power of love

While I don't love the season four final, it is a B-tier execution of the thing I was talking about earlier. Canon let love fail in a small moment to increase tension and give Ladybug a "darkest night" moment. That darkest night moment then led to a semi-epic power-of-love comeback that understandably got a lot of fans super excited for season five because they assumed that it was going to be the season of Ladynoir. In other words, for a lot of fans, the power of love did its job in the season four final!

All of this is why I don't bring up Marinette when I talk about the power of love failing. It does fail her, but not in her darkest nights and toughest fights. Any time she's overwhelmed and ready to give up all hope, someone comes along to give her the will to fight on. That person is usually Chat Noir because he's her end game love interest so of course the writers use him! His "you and me against the world" moments may not be the most epic example of the power of love winning, but they are the power of love winning, so saying that the power of love fails Marinette feels like an overstatement of harm. She's never had a total loss.

The closest we get to Marinette truly losing is the season five final. That episode feels like an ultimate-level failure to many of us, on par with Ephemeral, but the writers clearly don't agree. For them, season five had a happy ending which makes critiquing that final fight tricky. I'll be arguing that Adrien lost hard in the next section, but I can't say the same for Marinette and this section is about her so let's focus on that for now.

No matter how much I hate the final, I can't look at the picture below this paragraph and argue that love failed Marinette because what did losing cost her? This isn't the season four final where she genuinely suffered. This is her getting everything she's ever wanted! The miraculous are back in her hands, she won the heart of the boy she loves, and no one is actively messing with her love life anymore. That's a pretty solid win even if she didn't win the actual fight.

[Image description: Adrien and Marinette at the end of the season five final, kissing in the spot that used to house Emilie's statue.]

This is further complicated by the fact that - as written - the season five final doesn't put Marinette in a position to use the power of love. She's never given a chance to save Adrien or even just talk to him. She doesn't know that's he's in trouble, locked up in a padded cell, suffering all alone! And Adrien's love can't rally her in her darkest moment when all hope seems lost because - for the first time ever in a season final - she never got one of those! She was a badass in the final fight! No pep talk or supportive teammates necessary! She would have had a total victory if the writers hasn't made her try to talk sense to the villain or sent her Adrien's ring just so Gabriel could make the wish, further adding to the problem of this show's absolutely vile messaging around love.

In other words, lack of love isn't why Marinette loses the final fight. She loses because the writers wanted love to empower Gabriel in his darkest moment, a move the writers have the audacity to call a mutual victory. (Gross. Abusive terrorist should not get power of love moments without a massive redemption arc first. It's yet another insult to the trope. Gabriel did not deserve peace while his son goes on to suffer.)

If you think about the episodes Ladybug and Optigami you'll notice a similar problem. The power of love failed to let Chat Noir and Alya recognize that their romantic interests had been replaced, but that failure didn't lead to their ultimate defeat. It didn't even lead the villains to a minor victory! Both episodes maintain the status quo.

This doesn't mean that I like those episodes. I would rewrite both of them to let love win because they're good examples of small moments where love can win without cheapening or ruining the season's big climax. I just don't view these episodes as times when the show needed to use the power of love if it wanted to honor its chosen genre. That requirement only applies when it's a darkest night or toughest fight.

Before we move on, please note that Ladybug was the power of Adrien's love failing, yet I never mention it when I'm complaining about the power of love failing. That's because I'm never purposefully listing every time Adrien's love failed and ignoring everyone else. I'm simply listing the moments when love needed to let the heroes win because we were in one of the show's darkest hours and that is the only time when I consider the power of love a true requirement. Love can fail in small moments to increase the tension, but if love fails at the moment when all hope seems lost, then why are we even here?

There are only three episodes that get that level of criticism from me and each one had a single character whose writing infuriated me: Adrien.

Adrien vs The Power of Love

There are three episodes where Gabriel's identity is revealed and the final fight goes down. Those episodes are Chat Blanc, Ephemeral, and the season five final. In each of these episodes, Adrien suffers on a scale that no other character has had to suffer:

In Chat Blanc he is akumatized and forced to use his cataclysm to kill both his father and the love of his life, dooming him to spend eternity alone in a dead word.

In Ephemeral he is akumatized and forced to use his powers to hand the love of his life over to his father, thereby allowing Gabriel to win and rewrite reality.

In the season five final, Adrien is left alone in a jail cell, tormented by nightmares while his father dies leaving Adrien an orphan. Adrien is then told some truly colossal lies about what actually happened, leading him to believe that Gabriel scarified himself to save Ladybug's life. Since Chat Noir's usual role in fights is protecting Ladybug, this is arguably the equivalent of Adrien being told that his failure to show up killed his father. I'm not even sure if that's the wrong message because Gabriel did die from a cataclysm and Adrien would understandably blame himself for that, too, so maybe this was a way to address that without going too dark for kids and why does that argument hold water? Wtf was this trash fire of a story line???

When you compare Adrien's treatment in these episodes to something like Marinette's treatment in season four final you can hopefully see why it feels like comparing a broken arm to a mortal blow. It's not that Marinette doesn't suffer. In terms of individual moments of suffering, Marinette beats out every other character! But while she may beat Adrien in breadth, he is the clear winner in terms of depth and the only one who never gets a true power of love moment.

Marinette's darkest nights and toughest fights ultimately work out so that she can go on to some new type of suffering, the old suffering fading away to nothing more than memory. Adrien's darkest nights and toughest fights lead to loss and suffering for which there is no cure other than rewinding time or rewriting reality. The season five final even has Adrien directly state that he's not worthy of Marinette's love:

Adrien: I'm not in my right mind. I'm too angry — at myself for falling short of Marinette's love, at my father for sending me here in London, at this stupid app and these rings that use my image... it makes me sick! This nightmare is giving me the horrible feeling that, if I transform, I'll get akumatized and destroy everything with my Cataclysm — Marinette, Ladybug... (Takes off the ring and hands it to Plagg.) Plagg: Surely Ladybug can help you. Adrien: If I ask her for help, I'd have to give her information that would jeopardize my secret identity... and I can't.

This is literally Adrien's last scene in the main story line. He doesn't show up again until the happily ever after epilogue where he and Marinette kiss. In other words, the show had Adrien directly state that he's unworthy of Marinette's love and then did nothing to counter that statement. I guess this poor unfortunate soul is just lucky that Marinette likes him enough to keep him around in spite of his many failings...

Writers, seriously, what the hell are you doing? This is the kind of dialogue that should lead into a power of love moment! How is thinking about Marinette leading Adrien to despair instead of strength? Why is Plagg just accepting this? Plagg is a magical being who was assigned to watch over Adrien. Shouldn't a character like that help Adrien rally in his darkest night? Where's Adrien's you and me against the world pep talk? That should go both ways!!! Have him break out, call Ladybug to tell her that he's not coming, only for her to rally him so he comes and at least fights outside in the city while she does her solo fight! Don't leave him alone to rot while almost every other character in the freaking show gets to fight!

It would be one thing if Adrien gave up because he was alone and scared, but Plagg is there and the writers directly bring up Marinette and love only to do nothing to show those as positive forces in Adrien's life!!! Instead, Marinette is the thing that keeps him from the fight because Adrien's nightmare is him getting akumatized and killing Marinette even though Adrien knows nothing about Chat Blanc.

[Image description: Adrien's nightmare where he's a blue haired version of Chat Blanc, holding Marinette's body in his arms having killed her with a cataclysm]

To be clear, in each of the three episodes I listed above, Adrien is undeniably a victim suffering at the hands of his main abuser. They're also some of the worst moments of abuse in the entire show. It would be perfectly reasonable for a real life person to give into despair if they were put into this situation, but real life people don't transform into magical cat boys who wield the raw power of Destruction. I was not looking for realism here. I was looking for hope and inspiration!

I wanted to see Adrien win! I wanted his love for Marinette and/or his friends to give him the strength to overpower his father's control because that's what the power of love is all about! When all hope seems lost, it's there to let the hero win because love is stronger than despair, hatred, fear, and magical remote controls! It is the bright light that blasts away the darkness in your darkest night! Unless your name is Adrien Agreste, then no love for you! Suffer, feather boy, suffer!

Example of what I wanted from canon

There are many ways to fix these three episodes so love wins, but to keep this simple let's focus on Chat Blanc and what the power of love winning might look like if we let canon play unchanged up until the moment where Adrien loses control of his powers:

Hawk Moth: Cat Blanc, I'm giving you the infinite power of destruction!! Together, you and I will seize Ladybug's Miraculous and awaken your mother!!! Obey!!! Cat Noir: (tries to fight back but fails) I'm sorry, Ladybug! (He succumbs his akumatization and transforms into Cat Blanc. Ladybug watches in horror at his transformation.) Hawk Moth: Seize her Miraculous, My Son!!! (Cat Blanc lifts his right arm to Ladybug, activating Mega Cataclysm.) Ladybug: No, Adrien! You have to resist!! (Cat Blanc whimpers as he changes his mind and points his arm to Hawk Moth.) Hawk Moth: How dare you!? Not me, Adrien!! Cat Blanc: (whimpering while looking to both of them) I... I don't know what to do!!!!!!

Instead of having the mega cataclysm go off here, we instead see this: Ladybug and Hawk Moth both realize that Chat Blanc is incapable of listening to either of them. Hawk Moth's reaction is to turn and run away, desperate to save himself. Ladybug's reaction is to run to her boyfriend's side, not caring about the danger. She wraps her arms around him, closes her eyes, and tells him that it's okay. That she's here and she loves him and she'll stay here and love him no matter what. It doesn't matter who his father is, it's still him and her against the world now and forever.

The more she talks, the weaker the mega cataclysm grows. By the time she makes her final vow, the mega cataclysm is little more than a flickering glow. A black clad hand touches both of her hair ties, disintegrating them, leaving her hair to fall free around her face since that was a thing in this episode. The minor wardrobe change makes her pull back and look at her boyfriend to see that he's back to Chat Noir, a purified akumas fluttering off in the distance. Chat Noir is crying, clearly distraught, but he's himself again because Marinette's presence allowed him to focus on her love over his father's poison. They won. Love won. Fear and abuse lost.

The couple embraces. Hawk Moth's big gambit failed and they now know his identity so the fight is almost over. Paris will soon be free.

From there you can have an epic battle with the temp holders where the butterfly and the peacock are recovered. Nino gets to punch Gabriel in the face a dozen times or so as a treat and Adrien gets to cuddle up with some treats, sitting the fight out since he's already done his part by surviving the reveal of his father's identity.

You could also have Gabriel just give up because he doesn't have any moves left and the full implications of what he did are smacking him in the face, sapping him of the will to fight. Anything that lets this asshole suffer is fine by me! Emilie's fate is up to you. I like to make her at least semi-decent and revive her to give Adrien a happier ending and Gabriel the horror of divorce papers, but that's just me.

Final Thoughts

As I said at the top, I'm going to continue to complain about the way that Adrien was written in these episodes. I don't consider his victim status a reasonable excuse for the way these episodes played out. If anything, his victim status is an even bigger black mark against the writing!

I come to family-oriented media for hope and happy endings! I want stories about victims being empowered! I want Gabriel's controlling nature to totally backfire on him and not in a mutually-assured-destruction way like we saw in Chat Blanc. I want Gabriel's choice to cost him everything and for him to suffer that loss for the rest of his life while Adrien gets endless love and support, allowing him to survive the reveal and go on to live a happy life. If that's not what you're selling, then I'm not buying thus me giving up on canon after the season five final. There's just no coming back from that kind of colossal writing failure.

I will try to remember to use the word "forced" when describing the problems (as in "forced to kill"), but that's the only thing I can change while still sharing my honest opinion since my main problem with these episodes isn't Gabriel's treatment of Adrien. While I don't like how far these episodes took Gabriel, you don't need to rewrite him to make the episodes work. It doesn't matter how far the writing takes Gabriel, he should never be able to successfully manipulate Adrien while threatening Adrien's supposed True Love.

As soon as Adrien knows that Marinette/Ladybug is in danger, it should be game over for Gabriel because love is supposed to be stronger than all of the awful things that Gabriel has done up to and including the sentimonster crap. In fact, the sentimonster crap just makes it even more important for Adrien to win! Gabriel should think he has victory in the bag because he views Adrien as a perfect doll, but love proves Gabriel wrong letting Adrien overpower his amok and win. The trope is called "love conquers all" not "love conquers the mildly inconvenient." The more dire the straits, the more important the win!

Unfortunately, that's not the message Miraculous is sending. By letting Adrien give into his father's control in the show's darkest hours, the message is that Gabriel's control is stronger than love. That Adrien will never be free. That he was Gabriel's perfect doll and you were silly if you ever expected him to be more than that. That's not a message that I'm that ever going to agree with and is yet another reason why I only bring up Adrien + these three episodes when I talk about the power of love failing.

You are never going to convince me that Adrien being allowed to give into despair was a good thing unless you pair that argument with some major changes to canon like love square not being together and/or Adrien not knowing that his actions would endanger Marinette. Even then you need to design that fix in a way that ultimately allows Adrien to win otherwise you are sending a terrible message to the audience. There should never be a scenario where the final battle ends the way canon had it end.

Gabriel is the show's big bad, Adrien is his main victim, and the theme of their relationship has been control. That means that, when it comes to the final fight with Gabriel, Adrien needs to be involved in a way that gives him agency. I'm not saying he needs to fight his father on his own or even at all! I'm okay with him sitting out the fight so long as you pair it with something big like Adrien being the one to learn Gabriel's identity or something more dramatic like my simple Chat Blanc fix.

However, Adrien sitting out only works if it's his own, freely-made choice. As soon as you pair it with something like magic nightmare dust you are once again sending the message that Gabriel's control is the strongest force in Adrien's life. I truly don't understand how anyone can embrace that message and call it good, especially when canon didn't ultimately do something positive with it like letting Adrien become stronger as time went on. He actually got weaker as the show went on!

Chat Blanc saw everyone lose because Adrien was able to at least try to fight back, denying his father total victory. Ephemeral saw none of that fighting spirit and Gabriel just outright won. Season five once again saw Gabriel win only, this time, the show didn't even let Adrien be part of the fight. What an uplifting character arc for Adrien! (That was sarcasm.) Play the episodes in reverse order and you might actually have something if you add a fourth one where he finally wins!

If you want to talk about more minor conflicts where the power of love should have won then I'm happy to do that! Canon has lots of options to pick from! But unless you specify that you want to talk about something minor, these three episodes are going to be my only examples of the power of love failing because they are the only times when love completely failed the character in question. Total loss, no silver lining, writers wtf are you doing?

Listing times when love failed Marinette or Alya in the same list as these three episodes just feels insulting to Adrien unless the context is something like a list ranking the failures from smallest to largest. I'll once again point out that I don't even list the other times when love failed Adrien because my issue isn't Adrien as a person. My issue is Adrien as a tool of the narrative and the asinine message that the Agreste arc sends to the young children this show is aimed at. I wouldn't even be okay with this in a show aimed at adults unless it was clearly marketed as a grimdark take on superheroes. Miraculous should not feel like a kiddiefied version of The Boys and yet here we are.

Why was Adrien granted magical powers and allowed to fight his controlling father for five seasons if Gabriel was just going to die without Adrien getting a decisive victory? Why focus season five on Gabriel controlling Adrien to such an extreme if Adrien was never going to be allowed to break free? Why make Adrien the main love interest and focus the entire show on romantic love if you don't have anything positive to say about romantic love? Why bother getting the love square together before every single final showdown in the freaking show if their relationship status was going to mean nothing? Where is my power of love always so strong?

(Btw, that song I kept quoting is from the original English dub soundtrack to Sailor Moon R - The Promise of the Rose. It plays as love and friendship save the planet Earth from an asteroid. The updated dub replaced the song with the original Japanese soundtrack and the comments are full of people complaining about the change because the song just takes this scene to the next level! I bring this up because Sailor Moon set many people's standards for the magical girl team show genre that Miraculous is clearly taking inspiration from, but failing to fully embrace. If you don't want love and friendship to be on par with nuclear weapons and asteroid attacks, then don't write a show about love and magic aimed at kids.)

[judysxnd]

hii can i have a request?

could you do a pedro x reader? bascially they are married, and one evening when the reader was washing the dishes, her engagement ring slipped off her finger and went down the drain (maybe from all the soap?) basically she gets all worked up and sad about it and pedro hears her and comforts her telling her its okay... you can decide how the ending is !!

thanks love! 🩷🩷🩷

hello hello, sorry for writing this so late! As I said previously, I work a lot and my crush changed so I don't follow closely Pedro anymore. I still have another request to write and then I'll be officially done with my requests! I mean I think so, idk why but Tumblr shows only two messages but says I actually five of them? Idk it's weird.

Anyway, there ya go!

It turned out better than I expected so I published it right away!!!

———————————————————————

You were peacefully enjoying dinner with Pedro in your house discussing any topics that would show up. You had some music playing in the background filling the silence while you were both eating. Those nights were your favorite. It was just you and him, nothing else, chilling, spending some quality time away from everything.

Now you were both done eating, you decided to put away the dishes while Pedro would clean the table and put the rest of the food and drinks away.

"remind me why we don't fix the dishwasher?" you sighed as you remembered that you had to clean everything yourself.

"because we're barely home and it's useless to spend money on that?" he said as he closed the fridge, looking at you. "I can do the dishes if you want" he suggested

"No it's my turn, you've been doing them all week"

"I don't mind" he said leaning on the counter

"I do" he smiled, moved closer to leave a sweet kiss on your cheek

"I'll dry them then"

So you started to clean the dishes. Before Pedro had to start drying them, he put the music a bit louder so that you could sing and/or dance. He always makes everything more fun. You've been married for three years and there's never a dull moment with him, even during moments like these, doing something as simple and little as the dishes.

You were rinsing a plate, singing and dancing a bit with Pedro when you heard something falling. It sounded like it was something small but metallic. You both looked around, not knowing where it came from. It's only when you heard the same noise but closer and deeper that you realised it was in the sink.

"What was that?" Pedro asked, looking in the sink.

"I have no idea but it's gone now" you joked, giving a plate to Pedro.

Around fifteen minutes later, you were all done. You grabbed another hand towel since Pedro was using the main one and started to dry your hands. When you moved around your fingers, something felt weird. As you removed the towel, you saw that your ring was no longer there. And it hit you. The noise you heard earlier that coincidently happened in the sink. It was your ring. You gasped, making Pedro suddenly turn.

"What?" he said, looking at you confused as he was drying a pan.

"my ring" you had wide eyes, touching where your ring used to be, looking at Pedro "I think that's what we heard earlier" you said now looking at the sink. Pedro looked around, realising what you had just said.

"It's oka-" you cut him off

"shit shit shit" you said going over the sink, trying to see if you could see it through the hole, like a delusional person.

"y/n it's okay we'll find it, or I'll buy you another one"

"no, no it's not okay" you turned towards him "it's- the ring you proposed with" you had tears forming in your eyes

"don't cry for that cariño" he said putting both his hands on your face "It's just a ring, it doesn't make the souvenir go away"

"I know, but still. It's so beautiful, it means so much"

"Maybe I'll offer you another one that means even more" he looked at you, reassuring you. And it worked, you smiled. "It also means I can propose another time, so double bonus" you laughed

"You think it's gone forever?"

"Maybe we can find it under the sink"

"Can we look right now? I feel terrible"

"we can, don't worry corazón" Pedro kneeled to open the cupboard and look for the ring. He unscrewed the pipe to see if it was there, but it wasn't.

"So?"

"It's not here baby"

"So it's gone gone" Pedro stood up once he put everything back the way it was

"I'll find another one. More beautiful"

"It won't be the same"

"I know" he hugged you "it will be better"

After three weeks, Pedro and you were in LA for some appointments you both had. You decided to join at the beach to have a nice picnic and watch the sunset. As it is predictable, it was the perfect moment where Pedro surprised you with another proposal. You were watching the sea, and Pedro got on one knee next to you.

"Pedro!" you gasped "no you didn't" you said as he opened the box, showing a big beautiful diamond ring, even more beautiful than the one you had

"I told you I would do it again. There's nowhere I'd rather be. Everywhere is home with you. We don't need anything to prove it, but I promised to cherish you, and seeing how loosing the ring made you feel, I got you another one." he said, not looking away once

"And you proposed another time" you said, tears in your eyes

"double bonus" you laughed "you still have to say yes though" he added

"are you sure? I don't know" you pretended to hesitate, both laughing. You stopped, looking at him more seriously. "I love you so much Pedro. You're the man of my life, making this crazy world the best place. You're my home. Of course I'm saying yes another time" you laughed. You gave him your hand another time so that he could put, once again, a ring on your finger.

You immediately kissed him after that. Simple moments. A sunset at the beach, washing dishes, whenever, wherever.

[transmutationisms]

Hey. So that claim that stimulants do completely different things for people who “have ADHD” and “don’t have ADHD” is obviously bullshit but I was wondering if you happen to have read anything I could refer to about that

Okay I want to try using this to break down how I would actually approach this type of question, inspired by some posts I've seen recently about how to read and analyse things that are wrong / bad / liberal.

I don't have, off the top of my head, a published & refereed source that discusses this particular claim. I'm pretty certain there is at least one such thing out there. But I'm also pretty confident it won't be very good. The claim it's responding to is relatively historically recent, & is cloaked in still-fashionable neurobiological terms. Also, the literature on ADHD is bad in general, and so is the general quality of the kinds of imaging studies that are cited to support such claims about 'brain differences.'

If I were writing a literature review or a historiography, here is the part where I would need to go find these things anyway. Then I would have to explain how they make their arguments and what's missing, and depending on the scope of the piece I might have to explain my own philosophical / political position, and advance my methodological critique of the literature I just spent several days finding & reading.

Fortunately I'm writing a tumblr post & my sense is your actual question is "how can I better argue against this obviously bullshit claim," so I don't have to do any of that. There's not really much point sinking that kind of time and effort into finding a source I already think is unlikely to adequately make the argument I'm looking for anyway.

Instead, I would now look at the claim itself. What must be true in order for it to hold?

ADHD brains differ from non-ADHD brains

This difference is relevant to the action/metabolism of stimulant drugs

Okay, claim two on that list requires dealing with psychopharmacology & very exact physiological mechanisms, which means a shitload more reading and most of it punishingly dry and technical. Sad & bad.

Fortunately, though, I already know -- from every reading ever, as well as my experience existing on earth -- that ADHD is not diagnosed by any sort of brain scan, anatomical observation, blood test, etc, but by subjective (yes, even if they made you do it on a computer) clinical observation. Hmm, that's super weird for something that is a 'brain difference.'

I also know that psychiatric categories are difficult to correlate with biological observations even where those observations do exist, because an imaging study on ADHD is necessarily only pulling the 'ADHD sample' from people already diagnosed with ADHD. It's circular. Philosophically this is the same problem I laid out in section one of 'What is an alien?' (which you can read & understand even if the main topic of the essay doesn't interest you).

And I also know that brain imaging studies generally are riddled with serious methodological flaws (post discusses the dead salmon study among others) and don't actually produce meaningful, replicable biological distinctions in any kind of correlation with psychiatric categories (also, variation within categories is also very high).

Oh, wait. Now the claim above looks like patent nonsense with zero philosophical foundations. The burden of proof is on whoever's making that claim, & the basic underlying principles are wrong. Yayyyy.

This exercise means 1) I've sat down and reasoned through my own opinion, giving me clarity on why I think what I do and what evidence would change my mind and 2) from now on, when I see someone else make the claim I'm responding to here, I'll know off the bat that they haven't done the same & are starting from a very credulous attitude toward very low-quality research. And I didn't do this by trawling the literature until I found the exact thing I was looking for, but by thinking through the arguments and evaluating a body of literature that is generally explicitly hostile to the kinds of critiques I make & respect.

[ms-demeanor]

if we're like, showing graphs and stuff, this is the type that i think a lot of people on tumblr are thinking of when they think about the economy.

Only one third of people with family incomes below $50k spent less than their income each month. I would guess that a lot of people on tumblr who get aggro about this topic (and the vast majority of people on r/povertyfinance, who discuss this sort of thing a lot) fall into this earning category.

Real wage increases only matter if you got a raise (one third of workers got a raise last year, which means that 2/3rds didn't - included in the economic wellbeing report linked above). Whether or not rent is outpacing wages only matters if you're not going to be rent burdened (more than a third of renter households are cost burdened in every state and 12 million rental households spend more than half their income on rent). Employment rates lose a lot of meaning when you're working multiple jobs to make ends meet (the percentage of multiply employed workers was falling in the US from 1996 to the 2010s, when it plateaued, then it started rising slightly then collapsed in 2020 and has been rising steeply since then and it's too soon to tell if it's going to go back to the plateau or keep going up).

Four in ten adults in the US is carrying some level of medical debt (even people who are insured) and 60% of people with medical debt have cut back on food, clothes or household items; about 50% of people with medical debt have used up all their savings.

Tumblr is the broke people website and yeah, people who are working two jobs to afford $900 for one room and utilities in a three bedroom apartment are not going to feel great about the economy even if real wages are raising and inflation-adjusted rents are actually pretty stable. "The Rent is too Damn High" has been a meme for 14 years so, like, yeah. Even if it's pretty stable when adjusted for inflation it is stable and HIGH.

It's hard to feel good about the economy when you're spending the last few days of the pay period hoping nothing unexpected hits your account, and it's VERY frustrating to be told that the economy's doing well when you've had to start selling blood to buy groceries.

Sure, unemployment is low, that's neat. It's good that inflation has stabilized (it genuinely has; prices are not likely to fall back to pre-inflation rates and eventually you'll likely be paid enough to reach equilibrium, but a lot of people aren't there yet).

But, like, it costs eight thousand dollars a year out of pocket to keep my spouse alive. I'd guess that we've paid off about a third of the 40-ish thousands of dollars he's racked up since his heart attack. His medical debt is why I don't have a retirement plan beyond "I guess I'll die?" So talking about how good the economy is kind of feels like being chained in the bottom of a pit that is slowly filling with water while people on the surface talk about the fact that the rain is tapering off. Neat! That's good! But I can't really see it from where I'm standing.

Inflation really is getting better. My state just enacted a $20 minimum wage for fast food workers. The Biden administration has worked hard to reduce many kinds of healthcare costs. A lot of people have had significant portions of their student debt cancelled.

But a lot of people are still having trouble affording groceries and it doesn't seem helpful to say "your perception of the economy is decoupled from the reality of the economy" on the "can I get a few dollars for food today?" website.

[tackykachowch]

OKAY CHAT I DIDN'T INTEND IT TO BE THIS WAY BUT THIS POST IS SUPER-HUGE. Read at your own risk lol

*taps the mic* Uh, welcome to Chili's. So, I mustered up the courage to finally make a post about how I view Silco and Jinx's relationship and why I think it is actually a lot better than it's commonly perceived. Please please please do not assume that I do this to specifically whitewash Silco or make him less morally gray, this is my genuine read on them based on my own experience and views. I do not claim that I don't have any bias at all, but I think that it didn't influence my opinion that much.

I am going to say this from the start: I don't have much negative to say about them and I don't think of their relationship as toxic. If this point of view is unacceptable to you, please disregard this post. However, if you want to discuss this topic with me and challenge my points, please be civil about it and don't insult me. I don't have any ill intentions, nor am I trying to normalize unhealthy behavior.

Okay, from this preamble to another. This analysis is going to be based entirely on season 1 and nothing else. Some of my points will address common perceptions about them in the fandom, some I'll write as a regular analysis.

Now let's start shall we (yes, this is going to be a one long post because they're so so important to me). In the second paragraph I said that I don't view their relationship as toxic. Let me explain. I think this is a very complex topic and opinions will vary from person to person. Considering that both Silco and Jinx are mentally ill this adds another layer to our already complicated cake. So, for me toxic relationships are those where at least one person almost always behaves in the way they see is right, disregarding other person's wants or needs. It also must include unhealthy/toxic behaviors, i. e. manipulation, gaslighting, possessiveness, control over other person's decisions, physical and/or emotional abuse etc etc. These behaviors must be routinely occurrences and not happen only once or twice. You can say: "But a lot of things you listed exactly describe how Silco behaves towards Jinx!" well. No but I'll get to this later.

There's also an elephant in the room we need to deal with: codependency. Now, I don't claim to be an expert on the topic or even well-informed, but I have a feeling that this term is a Bit overused. Terms, especially medical ones, are very useful for describing one specific thing. But as of late a lot of terms are used on things that are not. Well. The thing the term is describing. You don't need to go far for examples: hyperfixation, depression, panic attack, etc. When knowledge becomes widespread, things like that are inevitable, unfortunately. But back to the topic. Are Jinx and Silco's relationship codependent? I personally don't think so. One of the key characteristics of a codependent relationship is losing a sense of self and disregarding your wants/needs, and Jinx and Silco never display that. They are very self-driven characters. And while Jinx did do some things to impress Silco, it's not necessarily a symptom of a codependent relationship specifically. Again, I'll compare it to medical symptoms. If your right side hurts it doesn't mean you have appendicitis, if you have a short attention span it doesn't mean you have ADHD. Mental health problems Jinx and Silco have can be just that: mental health problems. Trust issues, low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, etc. They don't need to be a part of a bigger problem, even if there are some similarities. (Also just a side note: I got misdiagnosed with OCD this year, so I take correct descriptions and understanding of conditions/words very personally).

MAN THAT WAS TOO LONG. GET TO THE ACTUAL POINTS.

Alright. So first of all, Jinx and Silco are VERY trusting of each other. They both allow each other to enter their personal spaces, and feel comfortable and free in each other's presence. Silco allows Jinx to do his eye injections, to show him physical affection, he also trusts her with missions for his job, even when everyone else is against it. When Jinx in ep4 tells him that "(her screw up) won't happen again", he simply answers "I know". Despite Jinx's own insecurities Silco fully trusts her (sometimes even to his own detriment). And she fully trusts him as well (until the whole Vi shenanigans anyway), what can be seen in a way she's not afraid of his emotions or even to hurt him, because she knows perfectly well that he'll never harm her in any way (physical, I mean). And although there is a clear miscommunication between them in ep4 I don't think it's a common thing between them, and this specific case was caused by Jinx's deeply rooted trauma and low self-esteem, which Silco is unfortunately unable to fix.

Now onto the probably most common criticism of Silco specifically: that he made Jinx his weapon and raised her to be this bloodthirsty on purpose. And to this I say - no way. Silco DOES love Jinx and DOES trust her, but he's not blind and not an idiot. He perfectly knows that Jinx can cause a huge mess and potential troubles on the missions, his subordinates hate her, her mental state is unstable and therefore she's not the most reliable asset in the slightest, nor a necessary one. At no point do we get actual proof that Silco needs Jinx specifically for his operations, he seems to allow her to participate in them out of her own volition. After all, she does like being needed and included in the family business. You could argue that he needs Jinx for her gadgets and weapons, but nobody besides her uses them, so this option doesn't fit. "But he did request her to build Fishbones!" yeah. After Jinx stole the gemstone, again, out of her own choice. Silco is a swift strategist, if he sees an opportunity somewhere he takes it immediately. So there's nothing actually wrong with him asking Jinx to build a weapon with the use of gemstone. She didn't steal it for it to just. Lie there, after all. As to her bloodthirsty-ness I think he only nurtured what was already there. If you remember, in the very first episode Jinx made a bomb with NAILS in it. I don't think I need to tell you that it's just a horrible idea for a bomb, and she was only 9 at the time. As to Silco's "become what they fear" line. I don't think it indicates that he specifically raised Jinx to be a weapon, because he applied the same phrase to himself and we don't see him running around throwing glitter bombs at everyone (although it would've been cool to see ngl).

Next - Silco is very supportive of Jinx. His office is filled with things she drew all over, her inventions are tied to the ceiling. When Jinx is overwhelmed and upset about the failed mission he tells her to "focus on her gadgetry" and to "take some time". He clearly knows what she likes and what would put her in a better mood. He also doesn't restrict her self-expression, which can be seen in the way Jinx looks. I mean, you'd think that Silco would probably want for her to wear something more...classy? But he doesn't mind even one bit.

Another point I see a lot - that Silco loves Jinx but not Powder. I actually kiiinda understand where this point of view comes from, because the show does frame Vi and Silco as representatives of her Powder and Jinx persona respectively, but I don't think the text itself supports this. Let's take the river scene because it is the cause of this discussion in the first place after all. Silco tells Jinx that she needs "to let Powder die" and that "Jinx is perfect", but I don't necessarily agree that he meant it in a "choose between two of your personas" kind of way, because this conflict never existed between them in the first place. Vi does want "Powder" to come back, but Silco didn't show anything that would indicate of him disliking young Jinx in any way. He did adopt her when she was still Powder, after all. And even if she changed her name on the same night, her personality didn't, because that's not how humans work. So, he NEEDED to love Powder to raise her. Back to the river scene, he tells Jinx that she needs to let Powder die so "the fear of pain would no longer control (her)". "Powder" is tightly connected to Jinx's trauma of killing her entire family and Vi leaving her, i. e. the fear of pain of being betrayed again and the fear of messing up. In terms of psychology she really does need to live through this moment and properly process it, but unfortunately there's no psychologists in neither Piltover or Zaun, and Silco being mentally ill and not knowing better himself can only help her this way. "Jinx is perfect" also doesn't mean that he prefers Jinx over Powder, but rather "Jinx, the person you are right now, is perfect and strong. You need to let that weak part of you (Powder) die, so you can move on and become something greater". Jinx might've interpreted his line in the wrong way herself, but again, there's no actual evidence of Silco liking "Powder" less and only ever wanting "Jinx". And if we hop further into the finale, he literally says "YOU are perfect". Whatever seat she chooses, she will always be perfect to him. Even if she turns against him and everything he fights for, even if she kills him, even if she hates him, she remains perfect in his eyes. He might differentiate "Powder" and "Jinx" and a weaker/stronger part of her, but despite all that she's still his daughter.

Also. He's dealing with her mental health SOOOO great chat it's not even funny. I mean obviously he can't take care of it perfectly because again, psychology is non-existent in this world, but everything he CAN do he does just sooo good. He never lets other people berate or insult her, if he scolds her he only ever does this in private, he always tries to be patient and gentle with her, and the only time we seem him lash out at her is after Jinx stole the gemstone. He also seems to know what causes her psychosis and how to stop it, because he yells "Don't listen to her!" to Jinx when Vi triggers her, and then proceeds to try and shoot in Vi's direction to shut her up. We now know that this wasn't the best decision at all, but he literally goes feral when Jinx is hurt, so can you really blame him? There is of course an issue of him enabling her violence and letting her do everything she wants, but to cut Silco some slack he deals with a very mentally ill child, and as we saw in ep3 cutting Jinx off of something can easily cause her to have a mental breakdown. So I think partly his enabling was caused by his want not to hurt her.

Phew. I think we only need to get through the minor points now.

Manipulation: we only ever see Silco manipulate Jinx once, when he lied to her about Cait and Vi's reason for being in the Underground. Nothing indicates that he regularly manipulated her before.

Possessivness: I think this claim also doesn't have substantial evidence to back it up. We only see Silco being possessive of Jinx because of Vi, and even then it's not pure possessiveness. He literally doesn't want Jinx to be betrayed and possibly even killed like him. I think if Jinx just wanted to leave him on her own he would be a-okay with that. Also he doesn't watch over what she does/where she goes, which again reinforces his trust in her and him respecting her privacy.

Silco isolated Jinx from others: uhhh. See the end of the previous paragraph. If Jinx wanted to befriend someone she could've easily done that, and Silco wouldn't even know. The only person she couldn't befriend because of him is Ekko, but even he says to Vi that Jinx chose to be on Silco's side herself, so *shrugs*

And with that, I think I covered everything I wanted about their relationship. It's not perfect, but it's not bad either. Personally, I don't want to label it as anything, because minus the drug mafia and murders aspects they're just a regular father and daughter. There are no perfect parents, there are no perfect children, but if they try their hardest to love each other in a way they're both happy with, they're great in my book.

[redroomreflections]

Out of Office

Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Summary: R gets a special surprise to her office

The Loud House Universe (this is not an au of the au. This is real life =))

W/c:3.8k

Play this when you read it https://open.spotify.com/track/4isk4UYRcmslphcTq61xUg?si=1vKGqQ_uQ2-Go9CEdnRq_g

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI

One of the perks of being the Assistant District Attorney of New York City is having your own corner office. The large windows offer a stunning looking of the bustling skyline of New York City. Of course the perks go beyond just the offices. There’s the satisfaction of tackling high-profile cases, the thrill of courtroom victories, and the respect that comes with the title. Today, you’re enjoying one of those benefits that’s seeming to be more like a con.

This meeting was boring to say the least. The topic had been on a rise of criminal activity in the area and how to prevent it. Normally, you would have been all ears. However, this meeting was anything but normal. It was the first meeting after the holidays and your coworkers were still in the post-Christmas mood.

The usual professional atmosphere was gone.

You sit in a chair across from the head of the long table, listening as best you can to the discussion.

"How about we continue this tomorrow?" Alex Cabot, your DA and overhead suggested. "Y/n? Any objection to that?"

You look up in surprise, wondering if you had missed something.

"No, not at all."

Alex smiles at you and then at the other two women.

"I think that's a good idea." You agree. "I'll get back to you with my thoughts on the Coleman case."

The three other women begin packing up their bags and heading out.

"Thanks for the meeting." You say as you get up and gather your things. "It was very informative."

Alex chuckles, clearly seeing right through your fib. "You used to be a much better liar than that."

"I'm just trying to be polite." You smile. "After all, we are in a room full of lawyers."

Alex laughs. "That we are. I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Tomorrow."

You leave the room, feeling like you could breathe again. You head to your office and stop by your assistant's desk in order to check mail and messages. The meeting was supposed to be thirty minutes and lasted more than an hour. You were more than tired. You were ready for the day to be over.

"Hey Y/n, a message came in for you earlier." Your assistant, Haley says. "You still need to review the police report for Jones and Jones. Also, an interview with Cass Daniels."

You sigh and look down at the file you're holding.

"Great, I'm swamped. Is the file with the Jones's case available?"

Haley nods and hands you a brown folder.

"Anything else I can help with?"

You shake your head and smile. "Unfortunately, not this time around."

"Hey, y/l/n, “ Your colleague Doug Stone greets. He does a little jog over to the desk.

"Hi, Doug, " You return. "Just the man I was looking for."

He looks confused. "Really?"

You hand him the file. "I just spoke with Alex. She says she wants you to handle the Jones case."

"But what about the-"

"I already reviewed it and made notes." You interrupt. "Just make sure to check out the new witnesses and that'll be it."

"Okay, so no problem." Doug nods, looking unsure. "Anything else I can do?"

You smile and shake your head. "Actually," You smirk. Just to get under his skin.

"Oh no," Doug shakes his head.

"I need you to get me a copy of the police report." You finish.

"You have one."

You shrug. "I think it would be a good idea to double check."

Doug rolls his eyes. "You know I came over here to see if you could ask the misses to go ahead and make some of that special eggnog she made over the holidays. Special order just for me."

You move to rebuttal when you hear a familiar husky voice behind you. You turn to see your wife standing there with that familiar smirk on her face. Natasha stepped further into the floor, her presence commanding attention. She had chosen a slightly floral midi dress that hugged her curves, the soft fabric contrasting with her typical demeanor. With her red hair pulled back and her eyes sharp and observant, she exuded a mix of elegance and strength.

"You can ask me yourself," Natasha grinned. She stepped closer to you and wrapped her arm around your waist. You landed a quick kiss to her head before looking over at Haley with questioning eyes. She's supposed to remind you if something important like your wife visiting.

"Sorry," She apologizes, quickly. "I was just about to tell you."

"It's okay, Haley," You wave off, smiling. "What brings you by, baby?"

"Can a girl come visit her wife in her office? I'm sure Tammy comes to see you all the time right, Doug?" Natasha tilts her head.

"Uhh..um, yes," Doug stumbles over his words.

Natasha gives him a smile. "Good." She looks up at you. "So, how's your day, babe? I didn't catch you at a bad time, did I?"

"Not at all," You answer.

"Actually, y/l/n has some errands to run," Doug cuts in.

"And Doug has a case to take over," You reply. Natasha looks suspiciously between the two of you.

"We're not going to have a problem, are we?" She asks.

"Of course not." Doug assures.

Natasha nods and smiles. "I'd hate to have to break up this lover's quarrel you two are having. But I would like to spend some time with you before your lunch is over." By the look in her eyes, you know exactly why she's come to your office so unexpectedly.

"Not a problem," You nod.

"I'm free for the rest of the day," Doug says. You send him a glare. "I'll just get a start on those files." He adds before making himself scarce. 

You give him a thumbs up. "Perfect. Haley, cancel my meetings for the next hour."

"Sure thing,"

You take Natasha's hand and lead her down the hallway towards your office.

"I love it when you get bossy," Natasha whispers, biting her lip. You feel the blush creeping up your neck.

"That was nothing," You wave off. You walk before her into the office to clear up a few things on the couch. The last thing she needs is to see how messy you are at work. "Where's Luke and Paige?"

"I left them with my mom today," She says disinterestedly.

"Oh, that's cool then," You nod.

"Now do you want to hear about Luke's diapering schedule, or should we talk about other things?" She steps over to you. It's then you notice the heels she's wearing. Those sexy Manolo Blahnik pumps in a deep blue that accentuates all of her curves.

"I think I want to talk about whatever you want to talk about," You answer honestly. You place your hands on her hips and pull her close. She giggles, placing her hands on your chest.

"Good," She leans in for a quick peck. "You're in a good mood today."

"That's because you're here." You hum. "You taste good."

"Lemon and ginger," She smiles.

"That's what it was. You taste delicious." You lean in again and capture her lips in a deeper kiss. Your tongue glides over her lips, coaxing them open. "Mm, I think you should surprise me in the office every day."

"If only I could." Natasha sighs. "Your coworkers would get tired of me or become jealous of you."

"I don't care." You whisper against her lips. "I only care about what's happening right now."

"Oh, is that so?" Natasha bites her lip.

You nod and reach around, smacking her ass. "That's what you're here for right? You couldn't wait for me to come home?"

"Something like that." She grins. She leans forward to kiss you again. This time as a distraction while she unbuttons your silk button down with her nimble fingers. Her lips are soft and warm against yours.

You pull away from the kiss and smirk. "We can't have sex in the office."

"That's a first." Natasha chuckles. "Why not?"

"I don't know if I'll want to stop after one round," You sigh when her hands find bare skin underneath your shirt.

"Hmm, we'll have to be quick then." Natasha murmurs, pressing her lips to your neck.

"I don't know," You groan when her teeth scrape across your pulse point. "You're quite loud."

"I guess you'll just have to keep me quiet," Natasha bites down on your neck. You let out a whimper, your body shivering.

"Damn it, Tasha," You growl.

She pulls back and flashes you a wide grin. "Do you think you can keep me quiet?"

"I don't know if I want you to be quiet," You open your eyes.

"Oh, is that so?" Natasha grins. She pulls your shirt down off of your shoulder, revealing your lacey black bra. She moves to do the same to the other side.

"Natasha," You warn.

"I'm just looking," She says as her eyes roam over your torso. "Admiring."

"Yeah, admiring is going to get us in trouble," You shake your head.

"Fine, fine," She steps back, taking her warmth and heat with her.

"Are you pouting?"

"I am," Natasha lowers her hands onto her hips. "You're denying me what I want."

"Come here," You offer a hand. She takes it and you lead her over to the couch. You sit down and pull her onto your lap. She settles her knees on either side of your hips and rests her hands on your shoulders. You begin rubbing her thighs, smoothing your hands across the smooth nylon of her leggings before you rip them. The sound drowning out the harsh breaths both of you are taking. You're so glad this office is at the corner and also doesn't have glass windows. Of course, she always gets what she wants.

"I thought you said we can't have sex."

"We're not," You murmur, your eyes focusing on the swell of her breast. "But we can do other things."

"Other things," Natasha nods. "Like what?"

"Just sit there and let me touch you," You say, pulling her down for a kiss. "You don't have any objection to that, do you?"

"None," Natasha says softly, her breath fanning over your lips. At the first press of your thumb against damp panties, Natasha lets out the sharpest squeak deep from the back of her throat.

"Told you that you would be loud."

"Shut up." She moans, her hips canting forward, chasing the contact. You give her another rub through the soaked material, her wetness seeping through. "Are you going to tease me?"

"Yes," You answer simply, kissing the exposed skin of her chest.

"Fuck, baby." Natasha groans.

"Shhh," You tsk, "Be a good girl and stay quiet for me."

"I want you inside," Natasha lowers her head to look you in your eyes. She reaches behind her back to unzip herself. She lifts her dress over her head and drops it onto the floor. She leans back over you and presses her chest to yours.

"I have a feeling this isn't going to end well." You groan, your eyes focused on her soft and supple breasts.

"I don't think we're going to get caught."

"Maybe." You murmur.

"Y/n, are you listening?"

"Huh?" You snap out of your daze. It's then you feel another wave of arousal as she releases her hair from its ponytail. She leans back on her hands and gives you a smug smile.

"Are you listening, Mrs. Romanoff?"

"I'm listening," You swallow thickly. You can't help but take her in.

"So, how about it?"

You look at her confused. "How about what?"

"I knew you weren't listening," Natasha laughs.

"I was thinking about how gorgeous you are," You admit. "How sexy you are. All the things I want to do to you."

"Oh yeah?" She grins. "Like what?"

"Well," You start, running a finger across her cheek. "First, I would have you sit there and watch as I undress."

"I'm interested," She looks you over. You should probably take those pants off unless you want them to be ruined with her juices. Not that you would mind it that much.

"I would go slowly. I would leave on my heels and my bra."

"Your bra?" She arches a brow. "No, take off your bra."

"Are you going to be difficult, or can I finish?"

"I'm sorry, continue," She waves a hand.

"Anyway, I would leave my heels and bra on. Then I would lay back on the couch and spread my legs for you. I'd want you to use your mouth and fingers."

"Mmm," Natasha hums.

"I'd have you fuck me with your fingers until I came all over them." You whisper, tracing her lips. "Then I would do the same to you. Just how you like it."

"How many times would you make me come?"

"Until you can't take it anymore." You answer. "Then I would clean you up with my mouth. Would you like that?"

"Fuck, yes," Natasha moans, her hips bucking against yours.

"Are you turned on, Tasha?"

"I'm beyond that," She admits. "I've been thinking about this since this morning."

"Yeah? You couldn't wait to have my hands on you."

"No," She whines.

You tap her thighs, instructing her to lift up so that you can strip yourself of your clothes. You rush over to the office door, locking it to ensure you won't be disturbed.

"What are you doing?" Natasha calls.

"Just making sure no one comes in and sees you like this," You explain, stepping back over to her. "They can't see what's mine."

"Would you let them watch?" She dares to ask.

"No," You growl, pulling her into your arms.

"And here I thought the idea would turn you on." She teases, trailing a finger along your collarbone.

"It does," You answer truthfully.

"But," She raises her brow.

"It turns me on to know that they can't have you," You admit. "Only I can touch you and see you."

"Touching has been minimal," She raises a perfectly arched brow.

"You're right," You smirk.

"How about we fix that," She whispers.

You nod and sit back down, taking her with you. You help to slide her panties off, tossing them to the side, before you get an idea. You pull her over to your desk, her eyes following yours quizzically before you bend her over. Your hands rub against the expanse of her back. You can't take your eyes off her perked-up ass and pussy on display for you.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting an idea."

"For?"

"This," You say, sliding a finger inside of her. Her walls tighten around the intrusion, and you let out a low moan.

Natasha's back arches and she hisses. You know it's not a sound of pain but pleasure. She wasn't expecting you to do it but she for damn sure loves it.

"I knew you'd be turned on by this," You tell her. You pump your finger a few more times before adding another.

"I am," Natasha agrees.

"Is this what you want, Tasha?” You slap her ass. "For me to fuck you like this. Have you dripping all over my desk?"

"Y/n," Natasha groans. "Stop teasing and give me what I want."

"What do you want, Natasha?" You question, curling your fingers. Twisting them as you thrust back into her.

"I want you to make me come."

"Not yet." You tell her. "I want to hear you."

"Baby," She whines, her hips rocking against the desk.

"What is it?"

"You're driving me crazy." She pants. "You have no idea what this is doing to me."

"I have some idea," You say cheekily as you watch your fingers, glistening with her slick, slide in and out of her with ease.

"Stop teasing and fuck me," She hisses.

"You want me to fuck you?"

"Please, y/n." She moans. "I'm so wet for you."

"I know," You hum. You push her legs open a bit wider. "Stay still for me."

"Fuck," She whimpers.

You lean over and pepper her back with kisses. Her skin is so warm and soft. You wish you could take your time, but you're both already on borrowed time. You speed up then, using your hips to add the slightest bit of force behind your thrusts. You know she likes it, her body shivering beneath you.

"That's it," She coos.

You place a hand on her back and move your thumb to her clit. You begin rubbing it in slow, circular motions. Natasha turns her head against the cool surface of the desk, her nipples becoming hard pebbles against the wood.

"I love seeing you like this," You whisper. "Taking everything I have to give."

Natasha's only response is a deep whimper. Not good enough for you.

"You love taking my fingers," You taunt. "But not as much as I love giving them to you."

"Shit, y/n, fuck." Natasha's body begins trembling. Her breathing becomes uneven. Her pussy walls fluttering against your fingers.

"Are you going to come, Tasha?"

"Yes, fuck." She cries. "Make me come, baby."

"Fuck, I love it when you call me that." You groan. You add a third finger, pumping faster. Her body quakes as you hit the right spot. Her toes curl as her orgasm tears through her body. Her moans are unbridled now, and you reach forward to press a hand against her mouth. That seems to turn her on more. Her body shaking beneath yours. Her body jerking from the aftershocks.

"Are you okay, baby?"

"I'm better than okay," She grins. "But if you don't fuck me again in the next five minutes, I'm leaving."

"Turn around," You instruct her. You help her on shaky legs to turn around and sit on your desk. This is going to be a bit more difficult to maneuver but you do. You drop to your knees and grab her thighs to pull her to the edge of the desk.

"I've need to taste you all day," You murmur to yourself.

"Baby," Natasha whimpers, her fingers resting atop your head. "I need you."

"You have me," You reply before swiping your tongue through her folds. She's so warm and delicious.

"Don't tease," She gasps, her legs trembling.

You look up at her from your place between her legs. Your eyes never leave hers as you wrap your lips around her clit, sucking.

"Just like that," She adds the gentlest bit of pressure for you to bob your head. The slurping noises for added effect have her head dropping down she can't handle it. "So close, baby. Don't stop."

"Never," You murmur against her. "I love this. Love eating you out."

"Y/n," She gasps, her hips lifting off the desk.

"Come for me, Natasha," You coax her.

She's so close to the edge, and she can't help it. She's helpless against the orgasm that rips through her body. She can barely hold herself up as you suck her through the orgasm, lapping up the juices spilling from her.

"Fuck," She whimpers.

You stand and kiss her, your tongue tangling with hers.

"Let me," She finally pulls back. She pulls you down to the floor before she pushes you onto your back. Rug burn be damned.

"Tasha," You gasp when she wastes no time in slipping two fingers inside of you.

"You're so wet," She groans. "I love you." She nuzzles your neck.

"I love you too." You murmur, reaching down to guide her thumb to your clit. "Harder."

Natasha's body covers yours. Her lips latch onto your neck. Her teeth scrape along the flesh. You know you're going to have a hickey there tomorrow. It doesn't matter. You're hers and she's yours.

"Tasha," You groan. "Please."

"Shh," She whispers, her other hand caressing your breast. She pinches your nipple, delighting in the shiver that runs through your body.

"Please," You beg her. "Make me come."

"Anything for you," Natasha smirks, curling her fingers. She thrusts harder. Faster.

"Fuck, I'm going to come." You warn her, your body tensing.

"I've got you," Natasha tells you. "I've got you, baby." She coos as you whimper pitifully.

"Don't stop," You beg. "Oh my god, don't stop."

"Never," She growls. "Come for me, y/n. I want you to soak my hand."

You cry out as you reach your peak. Your back arches off the carpet, and you ram yourself onto her fingers. You don't want to lose this feeling.

"Fuck, I can't," You sob.

"You can," She whispers, her breath fanning across your lips. "One more. Come on, baby."

"I can't," You sob. "Tasha, please."

"I've got you," Natasha promises.

Your body begins shaking as a second orgasm rips through your body. You're unable to form words as you're consumed by your desire. You don't even remember that you're at work and the possibility that if anyone were to come by your office, they could probably hear you.

"There you go," Natasha smiles, her eyes focused on you. "I'm right here, baby."

"Tasha," You whimper.

"Right here."

"Don't move," You pant.

Natasha uses her unoccupied hand to open the bottom drawer of your desk and take out a towel.

"What are you doing?" You ask her.

"I'm going to clean you up," She says, gently wiping your inner thighs.

"Thank you," You whisper.

"Always," She smiles.

"You're so good to me."

"You're pretty good to me," She winks, kissing the top of your head.

"What time is it?"

"Time for us to get the hell out of here." Natasha laughs.

"You're right," You sigh. "Can we go home?"

"I was thinking maybe we could order a pizza, put on a movie, and have dessert later."

"I think I could deal with that." You nod. "I can't walk just yet."

"I'll carry you," Natasha teases with a smug look. 

"Shut up," You laugh, swatting her away. "You know you're a little cocky after we fuck."

"And you're cute."

"Stop," You groan.

"I don't want to," Natasha replies.

"What do you want?"

"You," She answers. "Always."

"I'll be yours forever."

"Forever," She repeats.

"We should go," You whisper.

"I'm ready when you are."

"Let's get out of here."

Coming out of the office would be a little awkward. You should probably open a window. Your cheeks heat up at the thought. It was some of the hottest sex you had with her, and you can't believe that it happened here.

"You look nervous," Natasha notes.

"I'm not," You say.

"Liar."

"Tasha, come on. Let's go home."

"Whatever you say," She grins, taking your hand in hers.

"You're annoying," You mutter.

"And yet, you still love me."

"Unfortunately," You grin.

"I heard that," She calls.

"I meant for you to hear it."

"Brat," She says affectionately.

You really do love her.

[russellsppttemplates]

A red thread tying you to me (Charles Leclerc)

There was something pulling you to him and Charles was ready to act on it

Note: english is not my first language. I loved the blurb and now we have a big piece too!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: mentions the death of reader's father's and Charles' father's deaths

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3

"The congress is just outside of Milan, the exact city and details are in there", your colleague Lucia offered as she flickered though the pages, "I've been a couple of times before and it's really enriching, I just know you'll love the students and the department head - she was my supervisor for a couple of years".

"It sounds great", you looked at the panel information and then the travel details, "it's such a shame you can't come with me though, but I also wouldn't want to risk your little dude showing up and have me as your midwife", you chuckled as Lucia rubbed her baby bump.

"You're capable of many things, Y/N, but I would prefer if the fate of my baby and my underparts was in the hands of a professional!", she bumped your shoulder, "and the area is really nice too, I'm sure you'll find something to keep you busy during the weekend".

"I have plans, actually, I'll be fine I think", you smiled.

Like Lucia predicted, you had a great time in the conference and the guest lecture you gave was applauded and discussed for nearly an hour after you showed the last slide of the presentation, topics going back and forth until everyone had to absolutely leave the room before the next lecture began. For now, you'd get to enjoy the region, drinking some wine and taking in the views you recognised.

The park where your father used to take you didn't look too different. The slides didn't look rusty anymore, and the swing was a bright red colour as you sat on it once you didn't see any other kid around who might want to use them and let yourself feel the breeze on your face and hair as you kicked your legs in and out. Your father used to make you feel like you could touch the sky with how high he helped you go, "you're going to touch the clouds, mia piccola stella", he would say and you would laugh loudly.

You missed him every single day, but over the years, your grief allowed you remember all of the happy moments you lived with him, cherishing them close to your heart. Spending the whole weekend in Monza and attending the race was something you hadn't done without him since he passed away. The circuit was your father's favourite - "it's the fans, Y/N, there's a thrill in the air that no other circuit has - Tifosi cover the streets, they're all you can see around town and it's magical almost" he would say to you, so when you noticed the conference was in the area and coincided with the Grand Prix weekend, both you and your mother agreed you should take the opportunity.

On your way back to the hotel, you stopped by the track, wondering what the preparations for a race weekend looked like after so many years. You still followed the sport, but you never got the chance to catch this on television.

"Oh my, oh my", you heard someone say beside where you were standing, "I can't believe my eyes, it's Y/N Y/L/N".

Turning around you spotted Salvatore, one of the mechanics your father worked with. He also had kids around your age and you would often play together whenever you were both in the garage for the weekend.

"Salvatore!", you cheered, giving him a big smile after kissing each of his cheeks, "you better believe your eyes then".

"It's been so long since I've seen you last", he recalled, rubbing your back softly. You and your mother had gone to Maranello for a tribute ceremony the team had for your father - that had been the last time he saw you.

"It has been, yes - I'm sorry", you apoligised. You told the team you'd be around and so much had happened since and you only watched it through a screen instead of living it in the flesh.

"It's okay, it was the time you needed - What brought you to Monza this weekend?", he wondered as he walked inside the paddock with you, scanning his card and getting you both in.

"A work trip actually - I finished a conference yesterday and I also gave a lecture at the university", you nodded, "and my father always loved Monza", you smiled at the memory, "he knew how cliché that sounded, but he always said there wasn't a better weekend on the calendar. And I've missed the rush, too", you offered, letting the tears flow freely and accepting them even though you were in the middle of the paddock, loud noises coming from every angle as the teams prepared the finishing touches for the upcoming race.

"He's very proud of you, I'm sure", Salvatore comforted, "and everyone will be happy to see you here - the little girl with the high pigtails is a grown woman now who attends conferences and gives lectures, who would've known?", he joked as you stepped inside the garage.

"Is this little troublemaker Y/N Y/L/N?", one of the oldest mechanics said after he applied a sticker to the halo.

When your father took you to the races, everyone knew they had fun guaranteed with you, always pulling pranks and laughing loudly, "my troublemaker days are over, I'm a responsible woman now", you chuckled, giving a quick wave to everyone before greeting everyone individually.

"Do you have tickets for this weekend?", Fred asked. Even though he had just met you, it was clear to him how much you mattered to everyone who worked with your father, "we can get you a pass, I'm sure".

"I have grandstand tickets", you stated.

"Silvia!", the team principal called the woman, making her approach him and rub your arm kindly, "do we have any guest passes left?".

"Let me check", Silvia mumbled, "we have one left, actually! Charles didn't even notice he asked us to save a ticket for his mother twice - I'll get it for you, it's in the meeting room upstairs", she smiled.

"Charles will also be very happy to see you around, did you tell him you were coming?", Salvatore mentioned.

"I haven't actually - I've been really busy", you mumbled.

You met the monégasque driver when he was Scuderia Ferrari's development driver and Prema Racing driver in Formula Two, accidentally running into him in the dining area of the hospitality and ending up spending most of his free time there throughout the whole weekend.

Quickly, it became a tradition to do so whenever he was over and whenever he was done with his Formula Two duties and you happened to be at the same track.

When you stopped attending races because the memories were too painful, you lost contact, opting to react to eachother's Instagram stories every now and again and sending quick messages through the social media app.

"The boys arrive today, but they're only coming to the track tomorrow", Fred added, "you'll have plenty of time to catch up".

Charles had finally arrived to the hotel after all the flights and drives, thankful that there weren't many fans around already and he could get inside without a hitch, checking in and getting his room keys.

"Hold it, per favore!", he said to the person on the lift, dreaming of the changing from his travel outfit and the bed waiting for him. When his hand helped him inside the metal door, he couldn't believe his eyes, "Y/N?".

He could remember the last time he saw you. He had just started his first season as a Formula One driver for Alfa Romeo and you had come back to the paddock for the first race of the season like you promised you would. He sat with you whenever he had a little break, you caught up with him and his early days as a driver with a seat rather than just watching from the sidelines.

"Charles, hi!", you gasped, hugging him and feeling him squeeze your body against his.

"I- what are you doing here? Are you here for the race?", he wondered. This couldn't be a mere coincidence. He hoped it wasn't.

"I had a work trip here that coincided with this weekend, and I thought of it as a sign", you explained, "you're staying in this hotel too?".

"Yes, the team are at the one where we usually stay for the weekend, but until Thursday, I'm staying here, yes", he smiled, "Goodness, I feel like it's both been forever and like it was yesterday", he chuckled, "do you want to get a drink? I have a nice selection in my room whenever I stay", he offered.

"I'd love to, Charles", you said, hoping that the tingly feeling on your tummy mirrored Charles' own excitement at this unexpected but valued encounter, "are you sure though? You just arrived".

"No, don't worry about that! My room is... 705", he checked on the card he was handed, "so you can join me now or maybe you want to set those things down first and meet me there?", he pointed to the bag you were carrying.

"Yes, this is quite heavy actually", you blushed, "my room is on this floor, so I'll meet in your room in fifteen? I need to freshen up because I've been walking around town all day".

Leaving the elevator on your floor, Charles waved at your before the doors closed andyou headed to your door. Stepping inside, you left the totebag with the books you bought in the chair before heading to the bathroom, brushing out any tangles in your hair and splashing your face with water to freshen up.

After getting yourself ready to go, you went up to Charles' floor, knocking on the door and waiting for him.

"Come in, come in!", Charles offered after he opened the door, "I've unpacked but kept it very organised still", he chuckled as you walked inside the room. It looked the same as yours did, only a different colour pallette for the decoration.

"How have you been?", you wondered once you sat down and shared some sparkling water, neither of you really feeling like drinking anything alcoholic.

"You surely know more about me than I know about you", Charles smiled, "but it's been good, this season has been great so far, I feel like we're in a really good path and things are working well", he took a sip from his cup, "the team have done such an incredible job".

"And the driver on the car doesn't have anything to do with that?", you squinted at his ever so modest take on things.

"I suppose I do", he blushed.

"I may have not been here, but I've watched every race - minus some of the ones at daft o'clock, I only watched those when my sleep was all messed up", you joked, "you're an essential part of this team, Charles, everyone can see that so you should give yourself more credit", you touched his arm.

Even though it had been years since you last saw eachother, you hit it off immediately and it seemed like no time had passed.

"And you? What is this work trip that brought you here?", Charles nodded.

"You're not the only one who gets to travel for work, alright?", you tsked, "I had to do a presentation on a conference and then the department invited me for a lecture, nothing big".

"Who's being ever so modest now, hm? That is fantastic, mon ange!", he congratulated before he noticed the words coming out of his mouth.

"When I noticed it fell around this weekend, I told my mum and she said that I should try and dip my foot here - I've been wanting to come to race sooner but...", you trailed off.

"I get it - it's hard going to the places that remind you of them", Charles took his hand in yours and squeezed it, "he was so cherished by the team, I'm sure everyone will be very happy to see you".

"Actually, I walked to the track today so I could see it up close before the race - I hoped it wouldn't be such a big shock once I got there on Friday -, and I bumped into Salvatore", you smiled, "he let me go into the garage and I saw everyone, it was really nice", you looked up so the tears on your eyes wouldn't fall.

"I can get you a pass, let me just text Silvia!", Charles said as he got his phone from his pocket with his free hand.

"She already did", you chirped, "apparently you booked two for your mother, so they had a spare one".

"You see, a couple of years ago, my mum was too late to tell me she was coming to the race and I was out of the guest passes, so I always have one on hold for her and I sent the list with her name on it as well", he admitted, "but it seems to have turned out just fine - meant to be even".

You ended up requesting room service for the two of you for dinner, neither feeling like going out of the room after feeling so comfortable there. Conversation was steady, vulnerability was easy to show and the butterflies were happily dancing on your tummy.

"I better get to my room, then", you stated once Charles told you about what he needed to do tomorrow once he was at the track.

"I didn't mean it that way - I'm fine!", he said after doing his best attempt at containing a big yawn, "I'm fine!".

"You're tired, and frankly so am I", you admitted as you got up from the bed.

"Would you like to come with me to the track tomorrow? If you don't have other plans that is", he mumbled the last part.

"I don't - I was just going to work a little bit, but if you find me a spot in the hospitality, I'll happily take my stuff there", you smiled reassuringly as you put on your shoes and headed to the door.

"I can take you to your room", Charles got up from the bed and followed you.

"No need, my room is just downstairs", you reasoned, kissing his cheek in a silent thank you still.

"That's right - so we'll go tomorrow after breakfast?", he rested his body on the door once you opened it.

"Yes, that works for me! Good night, Charles", you smiled before walking up to the elevator.

.

Walking inside the hospitalitynwith Salvatore and the rest of the team, he was quick to show you where you could set up.

"Charles likes to spend as much time as possible with the fans and it's right about now that they start becoming more and more and they're everywhere, too", he explained as he helped you in the table on the lounge area, "there's food and coffee in there if you need anything", Salvatore smiled, "if you need anything, just ask someone".

"Thank you - this is perfect", you assured, sitting down and working on your laptop and reading some of the books you had bought.

Charles and Carlos finally arrived at the hospitality, greeting the team and talking to them for a while before they headed upstairs for a meeting.

"You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend and you were bringing her here", Carlos told Charles as he poured some coffee on a mug after the meeting.

"I don't - I haven't brought a girlfriend here", Charles quirked an eyebrow at his team-mate.

"So who is that young woman you just smiled at and are pouring coffee for after giving her the heart eyes?", it was the spanish driver's turn to raise his eyebrows.

"Oh, Y/N!", Charles smiled as he mentioned your name, "she's an old friend! Her father was a mechanic before he passed away a few years ago - the older team members have known her since she was little, everyone loves her", he mused.

"Everyone loves her - I can see that", Carlos chuckled as he followed Charles to the table.

"We don't want to interrupt or disturb you too much", Charles announced as he set the mug next to your laptop.

"It's fine, sit sit!", you encouraged as you closed the books you no longer needed to make room for them, "I'm Y/N", you told Carlos.

"I'm Carlos", he smiled back, "nice to meet you", he said before you dove into conversation, discussing anything that popped into your minds and getting to know eachother.

"Don't let her fool you into believing she has always been a responsible, put together girl because she used to steal and hide all of our tools!", Antonio, one of the engineers pointed at you after he got himself a bottle of water, "Charles knows her tricks already but you, Carlos, don't fall for that!".

"You loved it every time I was on the computers and drew on Paint! You even had one of my drawings as the background for almost an entire season!", you threw at him as he approached you, patting the top of your head protectively.

"I'd like to see that! I've only known her since she was way older", Charles pouted.

"Jealous much?", Carlos teased, his voice above a whisper as Charles seemed to get flustered.

"Is it really that obvious?", the monégasque driver mumbled once you got up to get something to eat, "I've had a crush on her since I was a development driver".

"Why have you never said anything? She seems like she really cares about you too", Carlos mused as he thought to a few moments before where you too gqve him heart eyes. He would have to be blind to not notice it, and even then the energy between you too would still be felt.

"The timing wasn't right, I guess - her father passed away almost right after as I became a driver for Alfa Romeo, and she hasn't been in the paddock since. We have texted every now and again over the years and now she happened to be here for the race too", Charles offered.

"I'd say you should take a shot - trust me, she likes you back", Carlos patted Charles' shoulder after getting up, watching you go back to the table with a big smile on your face.

.

After Charles took pole position in qualifying, the team stayed a bit longer for the debrief, going over a few points of the discussion and the changes they still needed to make before the race.

"Y/N! We're having dinner at one of our favourite restaurants in town and I'm counting you in, okay?", Charles said as he spotted you in the garage, followed by Andrea, who had been keeping you company along with his brothers, Charlotte and Pascale.

"Your family is here for you, Charles, I don't want to intrude", you said as you got up, unaware of the Leclerc matriarch behind you.

"Chérie, of course you won't be intruding - we'd love to have you there!", Pascale chirped in.

"Well, in that case...!", you smiled, "just tell me where I should go and at what time, or are we going straight there?", you wondered.

"I was thinking we could go straight there if that's okay with you - you can can come with me and Andrea can ride with my brothers", Charles suggested, "unless you need to go back to the hotel", he quickly scrambled.

"No, I'm fine! Unless this outfit is not restaurant appropriate", you muttered as you looked down. Against all odds, you managed to not get any food stains on your dress. It was a midi skirt cut, flowy to allow your body to feel cool considering the warm Italian day.

"It's fine - you're fine, you look beautiful!", Charles was quick to assure you.

"Good, that's good then", you smiled before excusing yourself to go and get your things.

"You have to tell her, Charles - your affection is no use to either of you if you keept it in here", Pascale tapped her son's chest.

.

"Y/N", Charles called you before he had to go and get ready for the race, "I have something for you - we do", he said as some of the mechanics, including Salvatore, followed him.

"Oh, what is it?", you smiled.

"We commented with some guys back at the factory that you were here with is this weekend and they found something we thought you'd like to have", Salvatore said as he handed you a bag.

Looking inside, you noticed an old Ferrari cap and some embroidered lettering on the side, recognising it immediately. When you were a teenager, you decided to try different hobbies and hand embroidery was the one that stuck the most, so much so that on one of the race weekends, you embroidered caps for everyone on the team that asked you.

"My wife remembered the one I have at home and then the guys at Maranello found your father's and apparently one you did for Charles' as well", Salvatore offered as you took them both out.

"Dad always said he had plenty of embroidered things at home and this one was the one he had to travel with him", you chuckled as tears welled up in your eyes, feeling Charles soothingly rub your back.

"I remember getting this and loving it - I thought I had lost it!", Charles said, unaware if how close he was pulling you together so he could get a peek at the old caps.

"There's some loose string here", you chuckled, wiping the tears and fiddling with the red thread, "I didn't know how to properly tie it at the start, I kept losing it - I think I even glued it down at some point. Thank you for bringing this out", you smiled.

"Would you mind if I wore this for the driver's parade?", Charles asked you.

"I was planning on wearing my dad's while I watched the race", you offered, testing the fabric and placing it on your head before doing the same with Charles, fixing it on his head and looking up at him.

You never got over how handsome he was. The little scar on his cheek, his mole, the smile that never failed to make you smile, his beautiful green eyes. His kindness, his gentleness, his talent - there wasn't a way to deny how much you liked it. How much you liked him.

"We will be matching then!", Charles squeezed you against him before going to his driver's room.

Only when Charles was headed to take P1 on the grid did he hand the cap back to Salvatore and put on his helmet, giving you a wink before he left.

"How are you feeling?", Pascale asked as she sat next to you to watch the race. Over the last couple of days, she had grown close to you, not only because you had captured her son's heart and she wanted to get to know you, but also because Charles had told her how emotionally charged it was for you to be at the track, in Monza nonetheless.

"It's a lot", you admitted, "everyone has been so kind and warm, so all of the heavy feelings have been slowly infiltrating the good ones and it's been easier to deal with them like that", you blinked away a few tears.

"I get it", Pascale nodded, "losing someone is not easy, and I can't imagine what it feels like for you - the boys and I talk about my late husband every now and again and it gets easier to talk about it, I think that's what it is anyway".

"Yes, definitely like that. My mum and I have reached the point where we don't cry at every mention - despite what you might have noticed this weekend", you chuckled.

"It's emotional, chérie - I, for one, always cry whenever the boys achieve their goals. Hervé isn't here to see them, but I know he knows, and the boys know how proud he is of them", Pascale smiled, keeping some tears at bay too.

"You raised amazing young men, don't doubt that", you let out. At this point, you were sure she had noticed or had at least an inkling. As any mechanic for the red team who knew you since you were a kid would say, you were never a good liar - anytime you said you didn't touch something, they knew to look in your backpack first.

"Thank you, dear", she added, "you know, Charles is quite careful in who he lets in, but he's never been good at hiding how much he cares about someone and I can tell he cares a great deal about you".

"I care a lot about him too", you smiled before you were handed a pair of headphones each with the race about to start.

When Charles successfully kept the cars behind him away with a good gap, you clapped and watched the remaining laps number get smaller and smaller until there was only the current lap left.

Charlotte held your hand together with hers as you watched Charles be the first driver to see the checkered flag and when Xavi yelled "And P1!" into the radio, you did your happy dance, not having a care in the world about what others thought as you watched the Tifosi erupt in cheer.

"He did it! He did it!", Pascale clapped for her son, Arthur hugging her while Lorenzo did the same with his girlfriend while you softly touched your father's embroidered name on your cap with your fingers.

Running up to Parc Fermé, you stood in the sea of red, waiting for him to come back and hug them.

"You did so well, congratulations!", you said as you pulled Charles for a hug.

"Had my good luck charm with me!", he smiled back, kissing your cheek as he took advantage of you being shielded by the mechanics and engineers.

The team celebratory dinner was going really well, everyone happy with how the weekend panned out with both drivers on the podium and enjoying the meal on the restaurant's outside patio.

"If you guys want dessert, they're going to set them out on that table and you can grab as much as you like", Fred spread the message as you could see all kinds of sweet foods being brought out, a pudding catching your eye along with some raspberries.

You and Charles got the dessert plates and served yourselves, noticing the staff was already clearing up the tables, meaning you'd have to move to the bar area, many people opting to skip dessert and get some drinks instead.

"You can see the stars so clearly tonight", you mused as you looked up at the sky, setting your plate on the high table.

"My father always said that the stars did shine brighter here, and tonight the sky is very clear", Charles hummed in agreement, looking at your face. The moonlight and the dim lighting for the lamps and fairy lights illuminated all your features perfectly - your smile as you looked up formed the dimples on your cheeks, your eyes that were a tiny bit squinty and the way your whole body seemed relaxed.

The goosebumps on your arms caught his eye though, "here, have this", Charles said as he offered you the cardigan he had carried around all night since according to him his mother made him do it because it would be cold.

"Thanks", you smiled as you pulled the sleeves and folded them around your wrist so they would fit better, "this is really comfy, I might steal this if you don't ask for it back", you joked.

"I don't mind if you keep it, you have had my heart all these years", Charles stated. There it was.

"What?", you faced him, heart beating fast inside your chest.

"It's true, I've had a crush on you since I first met you, and these past couple of days have been amazing, and I can't believe it took me all these years to realize how I truly feel about you Y/N", he told you, no stutter or sign of regret on his face.

"I haven't been around, really, it's my fault", you fiddled with your thumbs before looking at him again, "but I can't lose you again".

"You never lost me, amour", he smiled as his eyes flickered between your eyes and your lips, his hand cupping your cheek your mouth pressed on his, ignoring everything and everyone around you.

Interrupting the kiss for air, Charles giggled as you hid your face in his neck once you heard the cheers and whistles, your lashes tickling him as his arms circled your waist and pulled you closer to him.

"He wins inside the track and outside of it, Charles Leclerc, P1 to Y/N's heart!", Carlos shouted before whistling again.

"Just so you know, I want an invite to your wedding!", Salvatore pointed his finger at you, "I still remember when you invited me for your wedding with Vettel!".

"You and Seb?", Charles chuckled once you pulled away from his neck.

"Sebastian was my favourite when I was little", you giggled, hiding your face on Charles' chest this time, "when he was back in RedBull still, I asked my father to ask him if he could take a photo with me and I cherished that for so many years - it was my most prized possession!".

"I can't promise you Seb, but I can promise you the very best of me", Charles said as he kissed the top of your head.

[santae-salt]

CJ, salties, genuine and troll commenters - we need to have a discussion about emotional boundaries and emotional manipulation.

What CJ did last night was highly unprofessional and unacceptable for someone fostering minors in his community. I think it's sobering to remember that individuals as young as 13 years old can freely join and play. They could be in the discord. They could have witnessed whatever that was last night and it could impact them negatively. It is highly inappropriate to trauma dump in his discord as an owner; I understand that he feel victimized and it's valid to feel feelings, I'm not telling him that he can't, but CJ as the responsible adult need to understand that he shouldn't use his pet site audience as his dumping ground. I understand that this may frustrate and piss him off, but he needs to understand the gravity of being the owner of Santae.

I also understand it may frustrate him that I'm not placing any share of the blame on the parties that he views as attackers. This isn't what I'm talking about right now, so I'm not touching on that. That's all.

CJ, to address you directly - you are not a regular player just like "all of you". You are a developer. You hold a certain power by that title alone that, when you act like you did last night, can be classified as emotional manipulation. By bringing your significant other into the conversation, how horrible you feel, how bullied you are - it gives the idea that you are actively searching for 1) immediate sympathy and 2) people to defend you. You overstepped a massive, and concerning, boundary last night. I'll keep repeating it because of how strongly I feel about it.

You may not mean for this, and I'm not making fun of you or attacking you for saying this. I want to make that clear. You need someone unbiased who doesn't know you personally to talk to, like an actual therapist or another outside completely unrelated source. Talking to anyone close to Santae (or you) results in an echo chamber that spirals and revolves and wraps you up in stress. There's no separation and that's hard for anyone's mental health. Users aren't there to buffer your feelings. They're there to be users.

And for what it's worth, this unprofessionalism has been a concern since Santae has first kicked off. If you search the Santae tag on Tumblr and read some of the comments on the older posts regarding issues (the ID request, artist issues, etc) you'll see people expressing their concern about the development team not being able to maintain boundaries.

One example: you sent an email when you blocked someone that was wholly inappropriate and should be addressed, quite frankly. You didn't maintain the boundary of just banning the user and blocking them like an adult who owns a pet site, you had to stoop down into your wounded feelings and wield that power one more time to try and harm them the way that you felt harmed. You're mixing your personal feelings with professional actions and this will not assure the longevity of Santae. At all.

"To take words and share them publicly, stripped of context and trust like everyone else chooses to do. For what, we may never understand what happiness or joy you and a select group choose to speak in a bad way on any topic without telling the entire story. is not only deeply disappointing, but also a violation of the standards we expect every member to uphold."

This is absolutely emotional manipulation, an egregious crossing of boundaries re: owner vs user, and just unacceptable. Santae is close to you, but an attack on Santae shouldn't be an attack on you. CJ and Santae are two different entities. It's troubling that you and Santae seemed so tightly intertwined that you can no longer tell the difference.

This has gone on long enough, so I'll wrap it up here. Fwiw, I hope your s/o feels better, genuinely. I really do hope you take this as a genuine conversation of concern.

I hope you figure it out man. Yeah, it sucks. But that's part of being at the top. It's gonna suck, but you have to hold onto the positive and try to figure out the change it's going to take to get yourself in a better headspace.

☁️

[bg-brainrot]

**BANGS DOOR OPEN**

I DO DECLARE IT BE HORNY HOURS!!

What is your opinion on Astarion’s fav positions?

Oh and what about him being a bottom!? (Pegging?)

**RUNS AWAY**

Ohoho! Don't run away, we have horny hour headcanons to discuss!

I do think this depends on spawn or ascended Astarion, so I split this up-- NSFW below the cut! CW: Astarion's past and trauma

Spawn Astarion

I've said it before in my headcanon post and I'll say it again and again and again: Spawn Astarion wants to stare into his partner's eyes during sex. Especially as he tries to grow more comfortable in sex, I think he would be open to trying out a few different positions, but ultimately find that he wants to be able to remain connected to them as best as he can, and that means seeing them, knowing that they're enjoying the experience as much as he is. After some time, he'd grow fond of other positions, but not for a while (see: The Thousandth Time).

That all being said, favorite position: missionary. I know people joke about this a lot but I think he really would enjoy it the most! He'd also be a fan of cowgirl/cowboy, and really any position that allows him to kiss his partner throughout, like sitting in each other's laps. He would hold their hand, press cool kisses to the sweaty sheen of their temple, anything to keep himself in the moment. It would be an active effort for a while, but soon it would become habit, effortless as he grows used to chasing his own pleasure without any thought at all.

Now top or bottom? I am of the opinion that Astarion is a switch with a preference to top at the start of his journey -- this is entirely because of the power dynamics at play. He'd been so used to being "on his back" literally and metaphorically that I think that first time in the woods is a moment of taking charge and one that he'd hold on to for a bit. Eventually? I think he would be comfortable as either top or bottom, and would certainly be willing to forgo some control if that's what his partner wants. It would really boil down to: 'I want us both to be happy in our experiences, let's figure what works for us both best' (so it would depend on his partner)

When the topic of pegging is brought up (either by himself or his partner), he would be cautiously excited at first, especially knowing how much his partner cares for him/his relationship with sex and how good it will feel. He's no stranger to being pegged, no stranger to enjoying the sensation, but it would be the first time in centuries that he actually wouldn't feel used by the end of it. So he enjoys it thoroughly that first time, all of his fears melting away with the way his partner coaxes the pleasure out of him, he may even make some noises he hasn't heard from his own mouth in years. Ultimately, it is one of the many ways he reclaims control and, for that, he can't get enough.

Ascended Astarion

Conversely: Ascended Astarion couldn't care less about eye contact during sex. In his act 3 romance scene, he only briefly makes direct eye contact, and it's mainly to get into a better position. To him, it's not about the inherent intimacy of sex, it's about the sensations that him and his consort both feel, that they both bring each other undone utterly and thoroughly.

So his favorite position? Doggy style. He likes deep penetration, and a position that gives him a lot of control. He sets the pace, the pressure-- he would feel every bit the lord he is while his consort begs for more beneath him. Another favorite position is 69, as he loves how he and his consort slot together so well, each heightening the others' pleasure throughout. To him, the more both he and his consort get out of it, the better, and if he can make them squirm with what a skilled lover he is at the same time? Delectable really.

Top or bottom is tricky here. Because I believe he starts out as a switch before Ascension, as Spawn Astarion does-- only I think his relationship with sex takes a different path than Spawn Astarion's, namely because he doesn't metaphorically lay his past to rest in the same way. As such, for a while he refuses to bottom. He sees it as demeaning, beneath him and, as his consort, his partner ought to understand and be willing to accept their place. Then, as he and his consort have more and more sexual encounters, he finds himself growing detached from sex. It becomes a rote power play in which he's more of an observer than an active participant. That is, until he finally lets go of some of that power. When he finally allows his partner to top, oh he enjoys it. A lot. Certainly more than he's willing to admit, but his consort would be able to tell easily enough, especially when Astarion all but demands it. That's not to say he relinquishes control entirely-- while he does enjoy being submissive to his lover, more than he expects, he certainly harnesses what it means to be a power bottom.

Ascended Astarion brings up pegging first, and it comes across as more of a casual topic of conversation than the excitement of a vampire lord ready to come undone. Again, his consort would know though. He wouldn't be able to hide the lustful gleam in his eyes when his consort agrees, he wouldn't be subtle about the way he whisks them away to their bedroom a moment later. He enjoys it in the moment surely, but is surprised by how little it entices him again. Being submissive is one thing, but he's left feeling oddly vulnerable afterward-- he doesn't care for that uncomfortable aftermath. When his consort next suggests pegging he shrugs it off, deciding to opt for something that focuses more on making sure that they get off instead.

Thank you so much anon 🫰🏽this was fun and hope you enjoyed horny hours!!

[letsgobarbs]

Did anybody ask for my two cents in the dbf!joel discourse??? No <33 but I'll give it anyway in the spirit of discussion and dialogue. I was really surprised to see dbf!joel as some sort of topic of discourse because... I love dbf!fics. I enjoy reading them (especially ones where it's forbidden, and Joel resists the connection while the reader pursues. I like it when there's build up and tension before the smut). And yet I think we've collectively lost the plot, and have forgotten that nuance can, indeed, exist.

Can people dislike the trope for whatever reason? Absolutely.

Can they post and "whine" about not liking that trope and complain that its oversaturated and how eeeeeeverybody is writing it? Absolutely, it's a free world— which also means freedom of speech and expression. We're allowed to complain and make fun of shit in good spirit.

Can they send anon hate to people writing age gap and dbf fics? No. That's insane. Don't send hate to anybody, that should be obvious.

Now, I will be very honest. Maybe it's just because of the space I have curated, but I haven't actually seen anybody get hate for this. Nor have I seen more than like two posts talk about not liking dbf fics?? And those posts weren’t even about joel miller, they were multifandom posts.

I think everybody's concerns about censorship, conservatism, patriarchy and racism are real and valid. We live in very difficult times.

But I do believe, that there's a fundamental misunderstanding of what censorship is. Censorship, by definition, cannot exist amongst two people, or even two groups of people. It exists between an authority— a social media platform, a school, a state, a government— and the people who are under their authority. People saying they don't enjoy dbf trope, isn't censorship. Censorship on tumblr at the moment is posts about queerness, politics, genocide, smut and art being thrown behind a "sensitive content" label.

Do I think that people not enjoying the dbf trope makes them somehow conservative or upholding the patriarchy? Absolutely not. I think people, me included, have very real reasons for not enjoying the dbf trope— specifically dbf!joel. I don't think a lot of us realise how invasive and encompassing patriarchy can be in our lives. Remember girl math? Girl dinner, girl this girl that? And we all had a lot of fun with it, until we realised that what was just girls having fun was now being twisted again to invalidate and demean them. Then we all moved on from it. Another example, is makeup. The opinion that makeup is an art and wonderful method of self expression can coexist with the idea that makeup is a tool for the patriarchy to police and regulate women and their self-expression. Similarly, the idea that policing what women write plays into the patriarchy can and should coexist with the fact that the dbf trope has a way of reinforcing the patriarchy because it often paints the idea that young, impressionable girls need an older man, a patriarch, to take care of them and their lives.

A very quick scroll through the dbf!joel tag, will show you predominantly skinny, young white girls in moodboards and in fics. Which brings me to the racism of it all. Many of the dbf!joel fics are in no way inclusive. Moreover, a lot of them are uncomfortable to read because they perpetuate the same old racist bias and fetishization of a man of colour. I have lost count of how many I've read with a big, rugged man of colour who's gaze is lecherous and dark and wrong, preying on a young, white, virginal woman who is asking for it but doesn't know what she needs— and she needs her daddy to show it to her.

I am all for don't like, don't read. It's a policy I adopt for my own interactions on here. However, I think we, as women, can hold each other to better standards. For ourselves. And for the actor we admire.

You can read and enjoy dbf!joel fics, I know I do. But it's important to be aware of the undertones of race and gender that line it. That trope is indeed a breeding ground for conservatism and racism. I have read so many of those dbf!joel fics pushing the trad wife agenda. It's just not cute.

A thing that personally makes me uncomfortable, are authors over 30s/40s/50s writing dbf!joel fics with young 18/19/20 year olds. They can do that, if that's the story they want to tell. But Joel Miller is a character where you could have a reader or an OC that's more grown in a dbf fic. I know these women have lived longer than me, seen more world than me, experienced more than me. So, I know they have more colourful stories to tell, rather than centre teenagers or people in their young 20s. Which is where I believe that people have started using tumblr as any other social media site to garner interaction and notes, rather than writing for themselves.

I've watched this entire discourse with pretty apathetic eyes, but there has been just one teeny tiny thing that on a personal level hurt me. There's this idea that many people have that racism is somehow a lesser issue than patriarchy. And I'm not gonna point fingers at any blogs because I have had no less that three separate interactions with people who believe that patriarchy is the top dog, last monster to defeat in some video game of life. That, sadly, is the most tone deaf take. There was even a creator who implied that woc must learn to coexist and dialogue with racist women because we cannot be divided against men who are the true oppressors. Just because you, as a white woman, have faced the patriarchy does not mean it's the biggest problem. BIWOC face the patriarchy as well as Racism, and they are both equally harmful.

Racism and other systems of oppression are not underlings or byproducts of the Patriarchy. More of us need to be aware of and practice intersectionality. Racism, Patriarchy, Capitalism, etc are all intertwined through Colonialism and they exacerbate each other and are seeped into our daily lives. Just as a practice, I want everybody who reads my post to read all the other posts on the topic of dbf!joel miller fics. And I want all of you to analyse the tones, the words, the sentencing and the way of communication. Because as I sat here forming my post, I had a ball of anxiety in my stomach as I thought and re-thought how every word would come across and whether I would be heard and understood rather than smeared for an opinion. I had to deliberately restructure and soften my opinion to be made palatable. While many other white creators didn't have to do that. Had a woc made a post with the tone, words and attitude that they utilised, the tone policing and hate anons would've been patrolling their asks. When a woman has to be conscious of how she presents in a man's world as well as a white world, then it is both those structures at play.

I know it's exhausting to many of you to always have to hear about these topics, but these are things we live with everyday. I know you don't want to have to think and discuss because fandom is a reprieve for you. But it is a reprieve for us too, and we deserve a more inclusive space. And it should not be made more difficult. Dbf!Joel fics in my opinion, were a non-issue that's being blown out of proportion when nobody was @ and nobody was sent visceral slurs and hate in their inboxes. If you have, that is sad and tragic. But this is an odd hill to fight over, when there are bigger problems in the world. I have ceased to tell people to go touch grass. I live in a country where protesting is illegal. Log off, step out for your community and for people whose voices can't and won't be heard. There are ways to bring out meaningful change, and you could be directing your energy towards that.

[lostiolite]

KAI CHISAKI - relationship headcannons

Wc- 1.6k not proofread

Hes an intresting one, sorry for any mischaracterization, I try to be as close to cannon as possible (or as close as i can considering chisaki being in a romantic relationship is very ooc.)

Love language - giving:

Physical touch: he isn't afraid of touch, he knows that he’ll have to use his quirk and by proxy touch someone when needed (example: healing kurono, convincing rappa to join), he just… Doesn't like it.

If you're fine without physical touch, yippie!!!

And if you are like me, someone whos main love language is physical touch, this would be a rather tricky endeavor for him. He’ll opt for touching you only when he knows you're clean. And it would be fleeting touches at most, moving your hair, or putting his hand on your shoulder. I think (more so hope) that he would ruffle or play with your hair once he's gotten more accustomed to physical touch- fresh out the shower. He likes the smell of your clean scented hair

Off topic (?) but I feel like he prefers woody, maybe minty and clean fragrances. I think he’d enjoy re-aranging both your shower items (shampoo, conditioner, body wash etc. ) to smell like each other , whether it be subtle or smelling the exact same. For example i really like fruity berries, so he’d probably adopt a woody-grapefruit fragrance, if you like vanilla, he’d adopt a bourbon vanilla scent. I dunno anything about mens fragrances. Also the highest quality hygienic items. Oh yeah if you're sick he’d overhaul you and make you better. Normally he wouldn't gaf but since your his partner he actually cares about your well being.

Acts of service: probably one of his strongest suits. Do you need something?- His lackeys are already doing it for you. You forgot something at the store? Don't worry, Setsunos is on his way to buy it. I think the idea of having Setsuno accompany you to go shopping and being ordered to steal anything you look at for too long is silly, and one I like. You’ve been craving something after a long hard day? Surprise!

probably has an assigned lackey, chauffeur and bodyguard just for you just for you. If you show the slightest disdain for them he isn't afraid to overhaul them, something you learned the hard way. I feel like some of the hassaikai would be fighting to be one of your assigned workers as you aren't as ruthless as Kai. He prefers to be the one accompanying you (unless it's dirty work) however, he's very busy. Is very happy to indulge in folding laundry, organizing the house or planning a date night. Probably organizes your stuff for you

OH YEAH, reaches for the tall cabinet for you (only applies if your short, #me)

Words of affirmation: something hes also very good at. He’s very charming and is good at improv, business deals and negotiations. Him speaking his genuine adoration for you isnt going to be difficult for him. He doesn't sugar coat things, he’ll speak whats on his mind. Kind of negative as he wont hesitate to insult you or be nit-picky, but plus side is that his compliments are genuine. I don't think he would outright say things like “i love you” often, moreso compliment you or say protective (?) things. “You're better than them”, “Don't do that, you’ll get dirty, have *insert lackey* do that for you”, “theres no need to exhaust yourself for that, i'll do it”. This is due to his emotonal constipation. Also doesn't use pet names 💔 though will use a nickname

Quality time: if your getting him to put his work aside that says alot about your relationship. His time is precious and he doesn't like wasting it on nonsense. Makes up for his lack of physical affection (if one of your main love language is physical affection) with quality time. Enjoys going on walks with you. Also enjoys teaching / playing shogi with you. Unfortunately he wont be doing cheesy things with you. However, will indulge in any intellectual/technical (?) conversations. Have a favorite piece of media? Discuss (or yap about) the writing and characters with him. Like the foreshadowing in aot, how the spider verse changed animation, or how arcane/lol is really good at writting and paying attention to small details? He is very attentive and listens to everyword you say. Would also read a book or two of your favorites. (Prefers books out of any piece of media).

Gift giving: speaking of, will get you things you want. Doesn't matter wether you're saying it directly or looking at it for too long. The hassaikai may be in need of money, but he has enough his ways (cough cough setsunos larceny). Matching earings…

I think he would pick out a book for you to read using his prior knowledge of your intrests. This ties in with quality time but if you arent a book person then he would explain the book to you. Theres no point in getting you somthing you arent going to use.

Love language - receiving :

Physical touch: yeah sorry no, unless he initiates it. Its going to take a long time before hes find with you doing it unprompted.

Okay being delusional and out ooc: might be fine with you cuddling up to him at night or clinging to him when your scared.

Acts of service: i feel like hes a big acts of service guy, but at the same time he doesn't want you doing dirty and then getting dirty. Hes also a very picky guy. So I guess small things like tidying up the living space, organizing his things for him, or handing him his coat before he heads out for day.

Words of affirmation: your words mean more than others to him. Actually takes what you say into consideration and wont take it as disrespect if you point out a flaw in his mindset (like kurono and him talking about bringing the yakuza to glory again). Hes pretty and he knows that. But when you call him pretty and fawn it has him feeling things lololol. Will stare at you as you yap about how pretty he is. Will let you use pet names behind closed doors, just dont use them with subordinates (its fine with pops, kurono and maybe rikiya) You do have to refer to him as overhaul during shie hassaikai arc though :(

Quality time: not much new to say, doesn't really want you getting involved in dirty work.

Gift giving: likes useful things that will improve his quality of life. Hes also fine with jewelry or books. Ooooh maybe buy him custom high quality shogi peices or smth!!!

GENERAL:

I don't think he’d get jealous, more so annoyed. He views himself as above most others. If anyone tries anything on you (or steps on his turf) he’ll overhaul them.

Matches with you, not cute sweatshirts but subtle things, like matching earings or your clothing. Gold and purple jewelry and a green top of your choosing !!! ヽ(≧∀≦)ﾉ.

I think he’d enjoy when you seek him out for protection. Hes your personal night in shinning armor! Just don't call him that because he doesn't wanna be called a hero.

Possessive, in an objectifying way, your his and his alone. His superiority complex yk?

Never been in a relationship before, so isn't completely sure how to act at first, but hes smart and gets the hang of things. This also has to do with the fact that you two will get to know each other before engaging in a romantic relationship.

I don't really think he’d listen to music, I guess hes fine with classical or traditional.

Wears his surgical mask with you instead of his plague one.

Would prefer you to be quirkless, but is fine with you having a quirk (especially if you work in the yakuza behind him), it’d preferably be something he finds useful.

I dont think he’d be so traditionally romantic, I guess there's hints of tradition and class but just a bit.

Big spoon (despite not cuddling often)

Not big on pda

I dont think he'd confess moreso things just.. Hapen

CHILDREN

OKAY…. I want children so im talking about children…… Uhmmm…….

He doesn't like them, they're dirty and don't know how to behave. And considering Eri, he couldn't give less of a fuck about blood relation. He would prefer his spawn over others because he gets to mold and shape his in whatever way he wants. This means the best schools and training so the little thing can succeed the hassaikai. He’d be absent for the first chunk of the child's life (ie yucky toddler). He’d really only interact with the child once they've become smarter and able to graso bigger concepts. This is when he’d essentially teach and mentor them. I dont think he’d really indulge in childish things with his child. He would leave that up to the other hassaikai. This obviously would cause them to have a bad relationship. I dont think they would consider chisaki their father. Im not saying the child would have a bad life, considering the other parent is active in their life, and they would probably find their own father figure in the hassaikai, and their quality of life is pretty nice. Its just that chisaki himself isn't really involved in the fatherhood aspect. Thats keeping cannon in mind.

However if you wanna live in a delusional domestic family life that's very ooc, i dont think he’d discipline his kid. Not because his kid is better (but they are), but because he has like no experience with kids and isnt sure if hes going to go too far. He grew up in the yakuza not a functional family (in the slighest). And doesn't want his child to hate him, cus in this au he actually cares. The same thing about best quality school and teaching applies. But this time he’d be more involved.

He’d teach his child shogi as their bonding time.

[mournfall-syscourse]

Persecutors are Smoke Alarms/Detectors

We've seen some talk about persecutors in systems, or similar stuff, lately, both on Tumblr and in some Discord spaces. Alters/parts/headmates/etc. that do harmful things within and/or external to the system/collective, typically for maladaptive and trauma-influenced reasons (though figuring out those reasons is easier said than done).

For simplicity, I'll be (typically) referring to these kinds of alters as 'persecutors', the behaviour as 'persecutorial', and so on, within this post. If that's not a label you like personally, consider inserting a more comfortable (but still fitting) label in place of the word, as you read. Though perhaps this post may shift your perspective on the label in general.

Persecutors as a topic is one that is rather close to our heart, as a system that is frankly quite heavily built on them. For the majority of our knowledge of being a system (including what we know from before our syscovery), we have had persecutor hosts (our current primary host is not, but a lot of our system in general still are). Realisation of this, early on in our syscovery, resulted in us having a bit of a soft spot for persecutors, both within our own system and within those of other systems we've known. We've always tried to treat persecutors with compassion, and as little judgment as possible. We've made mistakes along the way, especially with our own persecutors - we're not perfect - but we do our best. But the importance of persecutors to us is part of why we're making this post in the first place.

This is, of course, our own opinions and related to our own experiences on the topic. Maybe some of this will be helpful to you, reading this, maybe other parts won't be. Take what's useful, and leave the rest. Maybe some of this will challenge your views - it can be a good thing for those views to be challenged. Either they'll be changed, hopefully for the better, or you'll reinforce those views through that challenge. Either way, I hope that it helps you to read this. We are a CDD (specifically DID) system, so this will be from the perspective of that - I don't know how much of this will be relevant to systems that do not have trauma influencing any part of their systemhood, but maybe it'll still be insightful.

To avoid this being a massive wall of text in the tags or dashboard, the rest of the post will be below the cut:

The main things related to this topic that we want to address or talk about are:

Stigmatisation and demonisation of persecutors

Shame around persecutors specifically, but also how it relates to shame around any "imperfect" behaviour that comes about due to mental health issues, and the damage it can cause for actually recovering or improving

System responsibility with regards to persecutors and other alters who do harmful things, as well as responsibility with regards to mental health in general

Approaches to persecutors that we've tried (or heard about from other systems), and in general our own experiences (past and present) with persecutors in our own system.

Labelling in general, and how many alters or behaviours are mis-labelled as persecutors when that doesn't necessarily fit

Definitions of persecutor/persecutorial behaviour, and the ways that the system community has shaped that, and the good and bad parts of that - as well as how we typically define persecutors (and their behaviour) for ourselves

A lot of these things are rather intertwined, so rather than discuss them entirely one at a time, they'll generally be interspersed within the post, though some may be focused more than others at different parts. The post is long, so I'll include some kind of heading for different sections, to make it less of a giant wall of text.

Stigmatisation & Demonisation of Persecutors, and the Impact of Shame

I do want to kick things off with the stigmatisation and demonisation of persecutors. It's a really, really common thing to see in system communities of treating persecutors as "evil" or "irredeemable". That they're just abusive, or terrible. That they should be locked away or gotten rid of. This is a massive problem. It pisses us off, frankly. It's also just harmful to everyone in the vicinity that has a persecutor in their system. Yes, even you.

And I get it. I get why persecutors are treated this way, especially when people aren't informed of why persecutors tend to happen. Why they do the things they do. People see them as a problem, someone hurting them or their friends, maybe even using their own body or voice to do it, etc. depending on how things manifest. It's a knee-jerk reaction. The problem comes about when things never progress past that knee-jerk reaction, though. When people just label persecutors as bad and that's that. When it's all about shame and hurt. When the compassion is completely left to the wayside.

I think this problem varies in different parts of the community. In our experience, it's been more common in communities that focus more on alters/headmates as individual, separate people - especially those where system responsibility between alters is not as strongly encouraged. Now, to be clear, I'm not saying that treating alters/headmates as individual separate people is a bad thing - our system started out exclusively with that viewpoint, and it's one we've remained comfortable with, while also adopting a parts-based viewpoint simultaneously (the two viewpoints don't actually conflict) - I'm just pointing out that the problem is more common within communities that have that focus. I've seen this problem occur in parts-focused communities, too, it's just less common, in our experience. I could probably make a whole other post about the thoughts we have on this on its own, but that's for another day.

So why is it harmful to just say that persecutors are evil or irredeemable and that's that? It puts up a wall. A roadblock. It shuts down any potential for recovery, as long as that wall remains. It disregards why persecutors happen, why they do what they do. It treats the symptom as the problem, instead of actually dealing with the problem that's causing it in the first place. It also disregards the possibility that the persecutor is actually helping the system. It shames the persecutor for existing, for being the way they are. It shames the system for having the persecutor. It's counter-productive.

Shame, as a whole, is a stopping force. It shuts things down. Pushes people into silence. Into hiding. Into stopping a behaviour. It's built on fear and rejection. There are situations where shame is a beneficial thing, though I think that's far rarer than the situations where it is actively harmful. How often has shame stopped you from speaking up about something? From seeking help? From talking about what's hurting you or how you're suffering? From feeling like it's okay to make mistakes, to be imperfect? How often has shame made you beat yourself for messing up, for hurting someone accidentally?

This can apply to not just systems, here, though it definitely does apply to them, too. Think about how many mental health conditions are stigmatised, demonised. Ones people feel like you can't talk about, that you have to keep hidden. That people will judge you for having it, for having any kind of symptoms be noticeable. Will make assumptions about you if they know. How crushingly alone that can make you feel. Even with just being a system, disordered or otherwise, this happens.

Shame often results in a persecutor being even less cooperative. Trying to be louder, or more destructive. It's like trying to bottle up a problem. It might work for a time, but eventually that bottle is going to build up too much pressure and explode, and you'll have an even bigger mess on your hands.

Approaching Persecutors with Compassion and Understanding, and Taking (System) Responsibility

Why are we shaming each other, and ourselves, when we're hurting? What if we treated each other and ourselves with compassion and understanding, instead? The painful, 'ugly' parts of ourselves, the things we don't want others to see. Alters/headmates/parts that are persecutors, or who have persecutorial tendencies and behaviours sometimes. Why not try to treat them kindly? To understand where they're coming from, why they're doing what they're doing.

Now, this isn't easy. And I'm also not saying to just let them walk all over you and hurt you with no repercussions or without protecting yourself. If a persecutor is hurting you, do what you can to protect yourself and the others in your system. You also need to take responsibility for their actions. They're in your system. Whether you view them as an entirely separate person, or a part of you, or somewhere in between, you have to take responsibility for their actions. Yes, it hurts. You might be a victim of their actions, too. And it's not even necessarily your fault that they're doing what they're doing. But it is your responsibility. This is one of the ways that I think parts-focused viewpoints for systems can help, with having system responsibility come more easily.

This goes for all trauma and mental health conditions, and related behaviours that can come about because of them. Something triggers a fight response from you and you lash out at someone? You have a responsibility to manage that situation. Make amends with the person you lashed out at. Try to repair. Try to work on ways to manage the trigger and your trauma responses. What happened to you is not your fault. Your responses that you can't control are not your fault. But they are your responsibility to manage, to find ways to bring under control. And if you choose to not take responsibility for those, then your responses will become your fault, as a collective, through that choice. You have control over whether or not you will work on things, and how you go about it.

Remember that the persecutor is like you, too. A person, or a part, or both, or however you view those within your system. It's actually one of the ways that I think that people-focused viewpoints for systems can help quite a bit: Seeing a persecutor as a person. Someone who is hurting. Lashing out. Or maybe seeing a problem and trying to solve it in the only way they know how. Someone who is scared, or angry, tired. Yes, it sucks that they're hurting you, or the people around you. So, how can you help them? How can you ease their pain? Help them cope better? Work with them to find a better solution to the problem they're seeing. Maybe even help them see that the problem they're seeing isn't actually there. Persecutors are so varied in how they can be, why they are. Each one might need a different approach. For trauma that originates in childhood, especially,

For us, we've had persecutors that have held individual problems, related to trauma they hold or that is strongly influencing them, that is causing them to lash out or react in certain ways, or to hurt us; others have been created in response to a wider problem in the system, that they're the brain's way of trying to manage the problem. Sometimes they're aware of this, and don't want to do what they're doing but don't know how to manage things otherwise, or they lose themselves to their emotions. Other times they've been unaware that they're doing anything wrong in the first place. It varies. It's also not always easy to figure out which is which, so trying different approaches and seeing what works, can be a good starting point.

For things that are related to something the persecutor themself holds, trying to talk to them can help. Trying to understand them. If they're not willing to talk (to you or anyone else), then analysing their behaviours, looking for patterns. Getting a read of their emotions, where that might be coming from. Sharing a brain and body can help with some of that. Trying to figure out what the underlying issue is, and working out ways to manage it in a healthier way. You may not be able to solve it fully, especially not right away. You might need professional help, or simply time and effort. Take it step by step. Try to find ways for the alter to have an outlet that doesn't cause harm to others, or at least causes minimal harm. If it's a misconception caused by trauma, then helping them see how things really are, in reality, can also help.

For things that are more about a greater problem that the persecutor was formed to try and manage, then it's a similar approach. What is the problem they're acting on? Is it actually a problem, or is it something that trauma is making the system/persecutor believe is a problem? If it's actually a problem, what can you do to work on the problem? Are there alternatives to what the persecutor is doing to try and manage the problem, that could be done instead? Maybe degrees of solutions. Even analysing if the behaviour of the persecutor technically helps a bit with the problem - having it as a backup, just-in-case way of managing it, while you try other solutions. Sometimes the persecutor themself isn't actually helping the problem at all (even if they think they are), but serve instead to point out the problem in the first place, through their actions. If it's not actually a problem, then how can you work on teaching your brain that? Maybe you need to convince the persecutor themself, or maybe you need to help the system/brain as a whole learn that what you're doing that it's reacting to is actually okay.

We've had plenty of different types of persecutors, ourselves, though we tend to almost exclusively have internal-acting ones. It's been a long time since we had external-acting ones, those that would lash out at others.

Some of our current persecutors are capable of acting outwardly in a persecutorial manner, but we're aware of them and are trying to avoid potentially activating those tendencies. It's complicated - one of them is a part that would try and isolate us from everyone we know, if they felt it was needed, for our safety. The other is more inclined to prevent the rest of us from being able to talk to someone in our life that they deemed to be a threat to our well-being emotionally, restricting access, while discussing the problem (and not really being particularly kind about it) and working out if the people that they view as a threat are going to fix their behaviour.

As for our internal-acting persecutors, the host we had at the time of our syscovery, was quite internal-focused. She held a deep sense of self-hatred, in part so the rest of the system wouldn't have to. But it resulted in her being self-destructive. Hurting herself, making decisions that weren't safe. Self-harming behaviour, less obvious on the outside, that was indirectly hurting the rest of us. Self-sabotage, and the like. We helped her to find better outlets for her pain, and also to not keep it entirely to herself all the time, to share some of what she was holding with the rest of us, so that it wasn't so heavy on her shoulders.

Other internal-acting persecutors, like some that are currently still around, have taken rather aggressive methods to force us to deal with certain problems they've seen. Hurting us internally, quite drastically, to achieve that goal. Initially, they were incredibly secretive about it (and still are, at times), not really giving us an idea of why they were targeting certain parts, what they were trying to achieve outside of just hurting us. Over time, they came to realise that we wanted to work with them if we could, to try and find better solutions, so we now know why they do what they do, and have strategies for trying to mitigate the issue in a way that we can. They tell us who's in their crosshairs, with enough time to try and work on things before they feel like they have to act, and if we don't deal with things properly, then they'll still do what they do, as a back-up. Their method has helped, in a twisted way. It hurts, and it's not healthy, but it ultimately does the job, in a pinch.

Some of our persecutors, we still don't really get along with. They're hurting us, and aren't willing to talk about things to find any kind of resolution, and we also can't stop them from doing what they're doing, either. Maybe they will someday. Maybe we need help from our therapist. For now, it's something we need to manage the fallout from, it's all we can do, right now. Managing how we act in the emotional states that their behaviours leave us in. Oddly enough, some other persecutors are actually helpful in managing those, albeit in a maladaptive way.

And then, some persecutors do something we call "system-sanctioned" persecutor activity (not our idea to call it that, but it's what we use nowadays) - which is when they feel compelled by the system/brain to act in harmful ways, even if they don't agree with what they're doing. Sometimes this feels like them watching themself do something, their body moving on their own, internally. Other times, in the moment, their mindset shifts to suit what they're being made to do, only to return to clarity afterwards. Both scenarios typically result in the persecutor in question feeling an immense amount of guilt for it once they're in control of themself or have returned to their senses.

We could have done so much harm to our recovery, and the state of our persecutors, if we'd treated them the way we were told to treat them by people we once knew. People who, like some parts of the community now, treat persecutors horribly. Who push for the locking up, or "killing", of persecutors. We've seen those approaches go very badly. Sometimes they're necessary, we've done those before, to manage certain persecutors, but it's not a decision to be made lightly.

Locking up a persecutor is something that we think can be done in a good way. In the past, we've had a location in the headspace where we would confine certain persecutors to limit their influence. They'd be comfortable, and they'd still be able to front, to communicate, but their ability to cause harm would be far more limited. In some ways, it forced them to communicate more, as they knew they wouldn't get out if they didn't. We didn't do it to hurt them; it was simply a protective measure for the rest of us. Some of our persecutors went into it willingly, especially those who didn't like their persecutorial nature and wanted to improve, while others we did have to force into it, though we still did that carefully, and only when we felt it was absolutely necessary.

Labels are Tools, and Our Definition of 'Persecutor'

As far as the label of 'persecutor' itself goes, we view it as a constructive label, one to be used with compassion and care, a tool and a utility, instead of one of shame or to put an alter in a box. We don't do it to label someone in the system as a "problem".

Now, labels in general are a tool. They're something to be used if it helps you. People use labels all the time, for identity, for instance. It's a way to find community, people who are similar to you, who can relate to you. So, looking at the label of 'persecutor', does it help you to use it? What do you associate with it? If you associate being a persecutor with being a problem, something to be ashamed of, or any number of things that make you feel awful for being one, then the label isn't helping you. You could find a different label, if you want to, or you could change your perceptions and associations of the label. You don't have to use a label at all if you don't think it'll help.

For us, we view being a persecutor as an alter that acts on trauma in a maladaptive way, uses maladaptive coping mechanisms, that cause harm to the system or the people around it. Some may do it intentionally, others may not. Sometimes it's consistent behaviour, other times it's only occasional. Typically, the behaviour is destructive, but it may not be entirely so. Persecutors, through this behaviour, can often serve as detectors for problems, highlighting issues that the system needs to work on. Sometimes that's a specific issue that the persecutor holds within their part that needs to be dealt with, that can't just be kept behind a barrier untouched. Sometimes that's a wider issue that the persecutor was formed to try and deal with, to manage, or to shine a light on, so that the system can do something about it. Persecutors are smoke or carbon monoxide detectors. They detect 'smoke' or 'harmful gas' in the system - i.e. problems that need dealing with, often ones that have slipped under the radar or would be difficult to notice otherwise until it's too late - and when they do, they do so in a rather loud, disruptive, perhaps painful (to one's ears, to continue the analogy) way, often resulting in quite a headache. Sometimes they have false alarms or don't work quite right (like when a detector's batteries die, or when you burnt toast by accident - the house isn't on fire but the detector still goes off sometimes and you wish it wouldn't), maybe they've been calibrated incorrectly, but they're trying their best. There's frankly more nuance that could be included in this, that I don't fully know how to put into words, but that's the gist, and I kinda like the analogy/metaphor I came up with.

Sometimes people attribute being a persecutor incorrectly, as well. Whether or not an alter actually fits the label, really depends on the system and the alter, how you view the label, the situation you're in, etc.

For instance, a system that is overly non-confrontational (likely due to trauma, and may typically fawn) might view any alter that sets firm boundaries as being persecutorial, especially if that viewpoint is reinforced by people external to the system getting upset or angry, or even punishing the system, in response to this boundary-setting. However, this alter is more likely to be a protector, under normal circumstances. Perhaps 'persecutor' fits, temporarily, as the system isn't in a safe place to exhibit certain protective behaviours yet. Where something that would be healthy normally is actually harmful in the moment, due to the situation the system is in. If the system has left that unsafe environment, they may still mistakenly attribute setting boundaries as being persecutorial, when it's now healthy and safe to be able to do that, it's not maladaptive. At this point, the fawn response that kept the system safe might be more accurate to be considered as being persecutorial. A now-maladaptive coping mechanism that, while helpful in the past, is preventing the system from moving forward, or is maybe getting the system hurt again, either by people who take advantage of it, or by people who don't even realise they're hurting the system because the fawn response meant that things weren't communicated.

In the above scenario, if the alter that sets boundaries forms (or surfaces) after the system has gotten out of the unsafe environment, they still might be mislabelled as a persecutor. Trauma can make it difficult to feel like we're allowed to self-advocate, to stand up for ourselves. For many, setting boundaries can feel like we're being mean or hurtful to people around us, so often we avoid doing so, and this can lead to labelling an alter that sets boundaries for the system as being a persecutor when they're actually just being a protector. They don't even have to be a protector, they could just be an alter setting their own boundaries for themself, not struggling with the feelings around that. (As such, persecutor isn't the only label that can be misattributed or given incorrectly.)

System roles are things that can change, too. Not every persecutor is going to stay a persecutor forever. Alters can become persecutors when they weren't initially. These roles, these labels, come and go, and there's nothing wrong with that. Alters can and often do have multiple roles at the same time, too. Many of ours do - we have caretakers who are also persecutors, protectors who are also trauma holders, and so on. It varies a lot. Use the labels that are useful to you. Make up new ones if that works better for you.

Conclusion

This was a long post, longer than we really intended to write. I probably rambled quite a bit, but we have a lot of thoughts and feelings on this topic. It's important to us, and there's a lot to go over about it.

I hope it was helpful, enjoyable, or insightful to read. If it challenged your views and beliefs, remember that's not a bad thing, and it doesn't even mean you have to change your beliefs or views, either. It means that it got you thinking.

Please feel free to respond in the comments or in reblogs, or even in DMs or in our ask box, if that's more comfortable - I'd love to discuss this further with anyone who wants to. Share your own experiences, or ask questions. Debate with me if you like, too, if you disagree with something I've said - calmly and respectfully, please. Maybe you can challenge my views on something, as well.

[snarkformysanity]

Review: Captive Prince (Series)

Okay, I've finally finished the lot! And... much like with my review of the first book, I was pleasantly surprised overall. The second and third books are an improvement on the first, with the second probably being my favourite one not just because it's purple I swear. I think overall I'll give the series a B-. I want to give it a B, because there's really some goods things here which I enjoyed, but I do have some gripes which I'll go into below. Well, one gripe, really, but it's a big one. This review is not spoiler-free, so... you've been warned.

The plot of the series overall is fairly straightforward - our protagonist, Damen, Prince of Akielos, is captured by his half-brother during a coup and sent to the nation of Vere to be a slave for its crown prince, Laurent. The two hate each other, initially, but gradually become allies of necessity and develop a grudging respect, which blossoms into something more. While this is happening, they're trying to outmaneuver Laurent's uncle, the Regent of Vere, at various political machinations (which are surprisingly decent, for YA/NA), culminating in their making a play to win both their countries back.

I must say, the pacing throughout the series was very good. Nothing really felt like filler, which is always nice, and despite the relatively short length of each book, a lot manages to happen. I very much enjoyed the dynamic between our leads as it evolved and developed - they have legitimate grievances with each other, but at the same time, the series manages to build their relationship off a sense of actual growing admiration for each other (rather than just "he's hot", like in many other books I've had the misfortune to read). Like they're actually observing each other's personality traits. Very refreshing. And they do have some legitimately cute moments.

About my only gripe with the plot/pacing is that the ending felt a little... abrupt. I mean, I get why - their plans for the future which were alluded to (uniting Akielos/Vere) would take a smiiiidge longer than a chapter or two to resolve, but even so. We could have at least gotten Damen to the physician, surely. The man was stabbed ffs. I mean, we're told he'll be fine, but still.

I also didn't really mind the worldbuilding (with the caveats that I discussed in my review of book one regarding how it handles its darker topics). It's not an especially huge or deep world, but there's enough details to make the story work and make the world feel real enough. It draws very heavily on Ancient Greece and Late-Medieval France for Akielos and Vere, respectively, but does some unique and interesting things with them.

Honestly, apart from the book one caveats I mentioned (which, admittedly, are toned down a bit in the subsequent books), my single biggest gripe with the series is probably just the technical quality of the writing. Sure, it's better than, say, Twilight or Fifty Shades, but that's really not a high bar to clear. The prose is very, very basic, and sometimes suffers from awkward phrasing or odd, disconnected dialogue segues and such. More than once I legitimately had no idea what the characters were talking about, because they spoke only in weird allusions that just did not seem to be connected to anything that was going on.

Probably one of the most noticeable (and frequently-occurring) examples of this was with the use of pronouns (or lack thereof). And sure, it can be hard to be clear about who's doing what when 99% of the cast is male, and thus you're stuck using "he" all the time. But, if you find yourself using a character's name six times in a single (short-ish) paragraph, you need to go back and reword something.

When he returned, Damen let Laurent towel him down, with the sweet, unanticipated attentiveness that was also part of the way Laurent behaved in bed. He sipped from the shallow cup that Laurent provided, and poured water for Laurent in turn, which Laurent didn't seem to expect. Laurent sat awkwardly upright on the bedding.

Seriously. At least two of those "Laurents" could easily have been pronouns, and I'd even settle for an epithet like "the other man" just to break it up a bit. It's awkward and clunky. Pretty much any time I found myself pulled out of the narrative, it was generally because of the writing itself. It wasn't constant, but it was often enough to be annoying.

In the acknowledgements section at the end of the last book, I noticed that this series apparently started life as a web serial which, honestly, goes a long way to explaining both this and the sex-obsessed nature of the first book in particular. And, again, honestly, I'm surprised the rest of it hung together so well. Authors who made their names on the web have a bit of a reputation in this sphere, after all (Cassandra Clare. Sarah J. Maas. E. L. James. You get the idea). There was clearly a lot of love and care put into things like the plotting, the characters and their dynamic, and the setting - it honestly makes me excited to see what C. S. Pacat will do going forward, as they improve their technical skills in writing.

But, yes, it is the writing which drops it from a B to a B-. It's just really hard to justify rating it higher with the kind of clunkiness that crops up regularly throughout it. But, apart from that, and the YMMV nature of the series as discussed in my review of the first book, it's a solid series, in my opinion. It's entertaining. I was invested in the story and characters. And it holds together well.

[king-candybug-backup]

I saw a post recently about Roadblasters feeling like an NPD collapse for Turbo, and it got me thinking of a couple things I wanted to ask you, if that's ok? So 1, how do you do your research in regards to writing about NPD? I've done some casual googling about NPD before (just out of curiosity) but vast majority of the answers I get look like they're from people who blanket-statement the whole disorder or smth, like they appoint themselves an expert because of having experienced narcissistic abuse, but feels like they don't actually know what they're talking about. Example being smth like say I'll google "Can person with NPD change" and all answes will be along the lines of "No, they'll be awful forever because they're evil and incapable of love or improvement" (extreme example, but that's the underlying vibe coming off from a lot of what I see but it feels like a very shallow and uneducated take on it)

And 2, what would you say is the most challenging part about writing a character with NPD?

GHFGFGDSFCHG I SAW THAT POST TOO, OP is so based 😂

Okay, so, for the first question, I've had a lot of the same issues before while researching, as NPD is unfortunately still extremely stigmatized, as are pretty much all Cluster B disorders, so there's a looot of misinformed people out there throwing out random bullshit as if it's fact. Hell, even in the medical/psychology field, there's a lot of demonizing going on with Cluster B folks, so it's really about filtering out the obviously-demonizing stuff to try and find sources that are legitimately wanting to be helpful/educational. One thing I'd say for sure is, do not use Quora for this topic lmao, I'm assuming Quora is where you're getting a lot of those kinds of answers because Quora is FULL of that sorta BS. While there can sometimes be helpful answers over there, it's mostly just full of people who want to brand the entire disorder as "evil" because of their own negative experiences. And I don't say that to try and discredit the experiences of those who've suffered abuse at the hands of people with NPD, it's just that painting the WHOLE disorder as "pure evil" because of it helps LITERALLY NOBODY. All it does is worsen that stigmatization and make it WAY harder for people with NPD to actually get help if or when they need it. In a convo I've had about this with a few moots, they also made some GREAT points that, like, turning the disorder into some "boogeyman" that you can blame all the abuse on just makes people wrongly assume stuff like "Only people with [x] disorders can be abusive, therefore if I see these behaviours in people later on they must have [x] disorder" EVEN THOUGH THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS AT ALLLL, ANYBODY WITH ANY KIND OF DISORDER OR NONE AT ALL CAN BE ABUSIVE, STOP TURNING IT INTO A LABELS THING I BEG OF YOU, anyways I'm getting side-tracked, sorry lmao

One thing I would HIGHLY recommend is checking out the r/NPD community on Reddit, that community is specifically for folks that actually have NPD, and there's a lot of good discussions in there that can be helpful in understanding how it works a lot better. So like, next time you google an NPD question, try adding r/NPD into your search or something, and it should show you discussions about those topics more specifically. Listening to discussions about the disorder from people who actually have it is about as good as you can really get when it comes to this stuff, lol. I'm also lucky in that I have a friend who has NPD and has felt comfortable enough with me to open up about their struggles with it, as well as knowing an extremely talented and well-educated writer that is very well-versed in Cluster B disorders that was willing to help me out with some of the things I'd been struggling with. (I talked a bit more about that and about some general Turbo NPD stuff in this ask) Also it's important to note that people with NPD, just like anybody else, are all different and may interpret/react to things differently. (I know that may sound painfully obvious, but you would not BELIEVE the amount of people that actually think "You HAVE to behave exactly like [x, y, z] or else you don't really have NPD" unironically, lmfao)

You're also probably better off using Google Scholar search results for NPD rather than vanilla Google, since the scholar version has a higher standard of research and education involved in the kinds of results it shows you. (That being said, as I mentioned before, there's still a lot of stigmatization towards NPD even in the professional fields, so always take what you read with a grain of salt, and take into consideration the way in which people talk about NPD.)

As for the second question, tbh, all of it has been pretty hard, it's really difficult to write a character from such a different mindset that I myself have never experienced, but that's what the researching part is for, ofc! I think the hardest part for me is like, writing the "extremes" of NPD thinking in an accurate-feeling way? Like, the extremities between "narc high" and "narc crash", I feel like sometimes I put Turbo in too much of a middle ground, which isn't super accurate to how NPD generally works. 😭 (It can be easier to healthily cope with those extremes for those who've been formally diagnosed and given the proper tools and support to handle navigating this stuff more healthily, but given that I'm writing KCB from an undiagnosed/uneducated-about-it kind of angle, it doesn't quite match up as well as it probably should) Another thing that's also been kind of difficult to work with is like, Vanellope being pretty much the only one willing to hear him out and (try to) support him, because like, she is nine and should NOT be taking on that level of emotional labour, especially for somebody who wronged her so badly, and I don't want it to seem like I'm making it, like, her "responsibility" to deal with this dude's mental health problems, because it's also important to note that she really REALLY does not owe him ANYTHING and has already been WAY too gracious, all things considered asghdfjvh..... Like, yeah, part of her motivations are selfish in that "This guy is basically the only thing stopping Sinistar from eating me, I should probably stay on his good side" lmfao, but even still, it's like... yeah, just not an ideal situation, she should not have to be worrying about this stuff, lmfao. Anyways, idk man, I'm still likely getting a few things wrong here and there, I am certainly not an expert by any means, but I'm gonna do my best the whole way through, that's for sure