#One of the most supportive things he ever said

[hannieehaee]

MAIN THING

18+ / mdi

summary: after years of insistence from soonyoung, he finally convinces resident social butterfly seungkwan to introduce him to his unrequited crush; a fellow idol at hybe who he has not been able to take his eyes off since moving to the company.

content: idol!hoshi x idol!reader, simp!hoshi, he's down horribly bad, seungkwan is fed up with hoshi, afab reader, smut, oral (m receiving), penetrative sex, etc.

wc: 11k

a/n: finally wrote a long hoshi fic everyone cheer

masterlist | kofi/patreon

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"Just introduce me to her. Please," whined Soonyoung for the nth time that week.

"I already said no! Just go talk to her yourself like a normal person," rebutted Seungkwan, attempting but failing at disregarding his insistent friend.

"He can't do that. Last time they made eye contact he ran to hide behind Mingyu," snickered Jeonghan, invested in this conversation whenever it was brought up.

"I just need you to get the ball rolling. Please, Kwan-ah," he pleaded as he got up in Seungkwan's personal space – a thing everyone knew not to do.

Rolling his eyes, he sighed, "She already knows who you are, you know. There's no need to introduce you," he muttered under his breath.

"Wait, what. She does? Like knows knows me? Or just knows of Hoshi of Seventeen?", his eyes widened in shock, grabbing onto Seungkwan's shoulders to get his full attention.

"She knows Kwon Soonyoung, dumbass. She's one of my closest friends, why wouldn't she know of you?", he grumbled, attempting to shake off his friend.

Soonyoung sighed at the short-lived hope he had of you having maybe taken an interest to him and brought him up in conversation with Seungkwan, just to have confirmation (yet again) of you simply knowing him as Seungkwan's groupmate.

It had been two, no, three years since Soonyoung had first developed a special interest in you. Thinking back to when Pledis was first acquired by Hybe, Soonyoung still remembered the first time he saw you in person very vividly.

Instantly, he developed a crush on you from the very first glance, only falling further any time you'd cross paths in the building.

He had known of your existence before that, of course, but had never truly acknowledged his obvious crush on you until he first met you in person.

Unfortunately for Soonyoung, he was far too shy and introverted to ever actually engage in conversation with you, much less slide his way into your life the way Seungkwan so easily had – Seungkwan, who had become one of your closest friends. On the contrary, Soonyoung would actively go out of his way to avoid you, never even so much as making eye contact whenever Seungkwan would bring you around.

It was easy for him to become the mockery of the members due to this. Leave it to him to have his years-long crush become best friends with one of his best friends, leading him to your constant, nerve-wracking proximity.

At some point he decided that maybe he should break out of his shell – the shell he had created specifically to shield himself from his feelings for you. He decided that instead of avoiding you, he'd do the next best thing ... which was to ask Seungkwan to officially re-introduce you to each other.

You were blissfully unaware of Soonyoung's crush, he knew that much. Did you know of his existence? Barely, as you'd only interacted a handful of times, with those always being brief and impersonal interactions. This gave Soonyoung the perfect opportunity to start brand new with you. Except he'd need the help of his most extroverted friend, who just so happened to be your best friend.

After begging Seungkwan to please work his social butterfly magic on him, he found himself unsuccessful. Seungkwan would merely scoff and tell him to grow up, leading Soonyoung to be mocked by one of the other eleven members, and then the cycle would repeat. Currently, it was Jeonghan's turn to snicker at Soonyoung's misery, it seemed.

Taking note of Soonyoung's pouty lips and saddened demeanor, Jeonghan took pity on him and clapped his hands decisively before speaking up again.

"Okay, how about you let Hoshining here take your place in doing the TikTok challenge for maestro with Y/N? If they hit it off, then you've done your due diligence, and if not, Soonie can just go get fucked. Everybody wins," he suggested as he shrugged at Seungkwan.

Soonyoung lit up at this, choosing to completely disregard the last two sentences of his suggestion. This was more than enough for him to get the ball rolling.

Immediately joining in on the plan, he turned to Seungkwan once more, ready to beg again.

"Don't say anything," Seungkwan shushed him with a lift of his finger, opposite hand now digging into his temple in what Soonyoung hoped to simply be exaggerated annoyance, "I'll do it, just, please grant me twenty minutes of silence," he pleaded.

That worked well enough for Soonyoung.

"Okay, fuck, I don't think I can do this."

"Are you fucking kidding me?", Seungkwan practically growled.

"What he means is that he's a little nervous. Right, Soonie?," Jeonghan tried to alleviate, standing behind Hoshi and rubbing his shoulders in an attempt to soothe him.

"You've been begging for this for weeks. I already told Y/N you'd be meeting her at her group's floor. You're doing this," huffed Seungkwan, not truly angry but just easily riled up by his friend's needless anxieties.

"I know! I'll do it, just- I need to hype myself up for it," he took a deep breath.

"C'mon, Soonie. You look great, all you have to do is go up to her and impress her with your dancing. Your natural chemistry will do the rest," reassured Joshua, who had been let in on the situation by Jeonghan just a few days prior.

Although most of the members were well aware of Soonyoung's embarrassing crush on you, not all of them truly took an interest. Jeonghan and Joshua seemed to want to keep informed simply for entertainment purposes. Soonyoung didn't care as long as they helped ease his nerves somehow. He needed all the support he could get as he attempted to calm himself down enough to go face the love of his life (How he got to that conclusion, he was unsure, but the label felt right at the moment).

After about twenty more minutes of annoyed groans from Seungkwan and occasional breakdowns from Soonyoung, the four boys finally made their way to your floor, with Soonyoung's members joining in just for emotional support, or maybe to mock his nerves from afar.

Spotting you as you leaned against the wall next to your practice room, Soonyoung gulped, blinking rapidly to make sure the sight was correct. You weren't even wearing anything out of the ordinary, yet Soonyoung was enamored by how pretty you looked in your usual rehearsal attire. He could picture you lounging around his house in a similarly comfortable outfit, maybe waking up early to make breakfast as he came up to you and pressed up against you, breathing in your shampoo and-

"Soonyoung! Go!," whisper-yelled Seungkwan after a few moments of Soonyoung freezing in the hallway, letting his imagination take over for too long.

"C'mon, go say hi, Soonie," said Hannie, seemingly sincere in his encouragement.

You hadn't spotted him yet, seeing as they had barely entered the long hallway and you were standing on the opposite end. However, just a few steps and the sound of his footsteps would likely catch your attention. The thought made him sweat. Despite having briefly interacted with you before, he just couldn't imagine a one-on-one with you. He knew for a fact that he'd crash and burn the moment you shared a smile with him.

It was too late now, though. He was already moving towards you, creating a distance between him and his members while decreasing the distance between you and him. That was when you heard him coming, turning to face him and immediately offering him a smile, waving him over to you.

It was obvious to Soonyoung how you and Seungkwan had become friends so easily. You were both so friendly and outgoing, welcoming anyone who'd come your way.

"Hey, Soonyoung-Ssi. I was waiting for you," you smiled, meeting him halfway through the hallway.

With an awkward smile, he gave you a light bow, which you returned. His hand went up to rub at the back of his neck right after, an easy tell of his nerves, "Hah, sorry for keeping you waiting, I, uh, just lost track of time."

That was believable enough. He was known to lose track of things quite often. Sometimes even getting lost himself. However, he did not want to give a bad impression, so he felt slightly bad despite your demeanor not expressing any disappointment.

"That's fine, don't worry about it," you reassured him before peaking behind him into the length of the hallway, "Uh, why are your members crowding by the elevator?", you chuckled.

Fuck, were they still back there? They were supposed to drop him off and leave right after.

"Oh, they're just-"

"Hey, Kwannie! Guys! Come over here!", you called out to them in your usual friendly demeanor, turning back to face him afterwards, "The fans would love it if we all do it together," you smiled at him, clearly unaware that Soonyoung had meant to get you alone.

And that's how his plan got ruined within less than a minute of alone time with you.

"Oh, uh, yeah, for sure," he mustered a smile at you – which was mostly genuine, as he couldn't help himself in smiling when you were so likable.

The guys looked thrown off by you calling them over, but followed through with your direction regardless. In only a few moments you were all inside your group's designated practice room as you propped up the staff-assigned phone and turned on the speakers in order to learn the short dance.

"So, who wants to help me with the dance?", you asked.

"I, uh-"

"Hoshi's an amazing teacher. He can show it to you!", interrupted Jeonghan before Soonyoung could stammer his way through an answer.

Being practically pushed towards you by both Joshua and Jeonghan, he awkwardly stepped forward, dumbly lifting a hand to uselessly wave at you shyly as he nodded.

You giggled(?) at this, scrunching up your face in what he believed to be cuteness(???), nodding at him in return.

"Yeah, we actually gotta go. We have a shoot coming up. We were just dropping Soonie off," said Jeonghan again, lying through his teeth.

Soonyoung knew that Jeonghan's original plan had been to spy on him as he fumbled his way through interacting with you, but since you'd spotted them, now Jeonghan had to come up with an excuse to leave Soonyoung alone with you. At least he was following through in wing-manning him.

Pouting, you okay'd Jeonghan and Joshua's departure, bidding goodbye to the two boys whom Soonyoung knew you considered to be friends of yours (unlike himself), leaving you alone with Kwannie and Soonyoung.

Seeing as Seungkwan was your best friend, it was unlikely you'd buy any excuse he had to leave you alone with Soonyoung without him having to at least allude the boy's embarrassing crush on you, – something that was completely out of limits – so now Soonyoung was stuck with a chaperone for his interaction with you. It wasn't what he was expecting, but it also took some pressure off him. Kwannie was a natural mood-maker.

After a few minutes of warming up together, Kwannie gestured at you to get into positions so Soonyoung could show you the dance, with Kwan following along in order to help your learning process quicken.

You got the majority of it pretty quickly – or at least for the most part. There was one complicated part of the footwork you seemed to be having a bit of complications with, causing Seungkwan to intervene.

"Hoshi, why don't you help her out? Come here," he gave Hoshi a look, eyes gesturing at him to come stand by your side.

Dumbly, he followed along, never in the state of mind to deny you (nor Seungkwan, apparently). With a nod of confirmation from you, he stood right by your side, slowing down his movements in order to break down the moves required for the dance.

You audibly awe'd at him and his skill, making him blush and look down, not wanting you to see his reddened face. Seungkwan snorted lowly in the background, something you luckily were too distracted to pay mind to, too into Soonyoung's dancing to notice.

"Uh, did you get that or should I go slower?", he asked after the fact.

"No, that's perfect, Soonyoung-Ssi, thank you," you gave him a casual bow of your head, "Wow, you're insanely good. Sorry if that's too informal to say," you praised him, not realizing such compliment would take him all the way to another universe.

"Ah, no, it's nothing, hah-"

"No, really! You should be a teacher. I think I got it all now. Look," you insisted, stopping to do a quick run-through of the 15-second dance in absolute perfection (at least if Soonyoung had anything to say about it), giggling by the end of it.

Seungkwan interrupted once more before Soonyoung could shower you with compliments over your dancing, "You know, he comes up with a lot of our choreos. He teaches us them, too."

Seungkwan hyping him up to you was very out of character, but Soonyoung was willing to take anything that could get you the tiniest bit interested in him. And it seemed like it worked, as you audibly gasped at that bit of information, turning to compliment him once more.

"Really? Wow, that's insane. Can I- You should show me sometime," you suggested, "I try to help with the creative process of my group's choreos sometimes, but it all gets meddled in my head. I could really use some pointers."

Soonyoung would be willing to make entire choreos for you on his own if you so much as asked, so of course he'd jump at the chance to help you with anything you needed. If you wanted him to cut his day short right this moment and drop everything to help you out, he'd do it without a second thought. Any motive to spend time with you one-on-one sounded more than reasonable to him.

"Yes, o-of course," he nodded enthusiastically while Seungkwan made a face in the background.

The next twenty minutes or so were spent recording the short video, attempting to get a perfect take in order to hand over to staff for posting. You stood in the middle while the two boys danced next to you. Hoshi was smiling like an idiot all throughout as he thought of the concept of the two of you dancing together on video. Maybe after this it could become a more common occurrence.

"Well, I'm gonna go now," said Seungkwan after it was all said and done, having settled on one of the many recordings you'd taken, "Gotta go have lunch with Gyu. I'll see you later Y/Nie," he gave you a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek as goodbye. Hoshi hoped his jealous grimace wasn't noticed by you.

You furrowed your brows at his sudden departure, but made no comment about it otherwise.

"Okay, Kwannie. Call me later tonight?"

"Sure," he agreed, then turning to Soonyoung, "Send me some of those videos," he said as one last statement before leaving.

"Oh!" you exclaimed, "Send me them too? Here, I'll give you my KakaoTalk," you reached out your hand to silently ask him to hand you his phone as you walked over to his side.

Fuck. Your number? He was going to have your personal contact info on his phone?

Granted, he could've just asked Seungkwan or one of the other guys for your number, but he wanted to get it out of your own volition. And now he was currently standing next to you, faces far too close as you both leaned down to look at his phone screen watching you type in your info. He could've sworn you leaned even closer when you heard him gulp, but it was probably just wishful thinking.

"Here," you said when you were finally done, handing him his phone back – and gracing his hand with your own in the process, a detail Soonyoung found extremely important to fixate on.

He thanked you with a nod, putting the phone away and wracking his brain to think of anything he could possibly say to extend your time together. With Seungkwan around, he hadn't even had the chance to talk to you at all.

"Hey," you spoke up before he could, "We're announcing our comeback next week- oh, uh, don't tell anyone, by the way," you giggled at your own interjection, "Do you think maybe you'd like to do our choreo with me for a TikTok?", you asked, "You know, just the two of us?"

The last question really threw him off guard. But what threw him off guard even more was the look you gave him afterward. Your eyebrows were lifted and your front teeth were softly biting onto the plush of your bottom lip. It was suggestive, but not too obvious. Soonyoung was unsure of how to read it, but considering the fact that he was already head over heels for you, the mere implication of your gaze on him had his heart accelerating and his head inflating like a balloon.

"O-oh, yes. I- Yes. We can totally do that," he agreed far too enthusiastically, "You can just call me- or- or text me, if that's better for you," he stammered.

You bit your lip again, but this time it was to try and fail to hold in a giggle. Nodding at him, you thanked him, letting him know you'd be contacting him soon.

"Let me know when the TikTok gets posted, okay?", you said afterwards.

"It'll probably get posted today or tomorrow. You'll see it on the official account-"

You interrupted him, "Text me either way, yeah?", you spoke again, now in a slightly more direct way, giving him a look that made him realize you were conveying some sort of hint to him.

He wasn't sure what you meant by this, but he nodded dumbly at you, not willing to pass up an opportunity to talk to you again. This was when the two of you finally bid your goodbyes, with you catching him off guard by offering him a quick hug before walking him out of your practice room.

Slightly dumbfounded, Soonyoung slowly walked away, heading towards the elevator through which he'd come in less than thirty minutes ago, trying to process what'd happened during the last five minutes of his visit.

Sometimes he hated how easy it was for things to fly over his head, but there was just absolutely no way you'd been flirting with him just now, was there? You were friendly, as you always were, but the very subtle looks and the suggestion of texting each other – and even hanging out alone next time – gave him the tiniest of hopes that maybe you'd taken an interest to him.

He decided to shrug this off for now, entirely too sure that there'd be no way for you to flirt with him, much less like him when he was always such a stammering mess around you.

Within a day, the TikTok had been posted, garnering excited reactions from fans who enjoyed both of your groups. Unlike the endless times before, you had not done the dance challenge with Seungkwan but also with Hoshi, causing a bit of extra excitement among both of your fans. This made Soonyoung giddier than he'd like to admit. Knowing your fans enjoyed seeing you together made him smile far too hard.

As promised, he knew he had to text you about the TikTok. It was likely you'd already seen it, as it'd already been a few hours since its release. However, Soonyoung was not about to miss the opportunity to start a thread of communication with you. This would be the first step to consistent communication with you (or so he hoped).

After mulling over it for a few hours, he landed on a simple text, one that did not showcase his excitement to be speaking to you – Jeonghan had said that that might scare you away – but simply informed you of the release of the TikTok.

hey, it's hoshi :)

the video got posted on seventeen's official account. the fans really like it ㅋㅋ here's the link

[TikTok link]

Surprisingly, you had responded quite quickly, making Soonyoung somehow fall even more enamored with you by the way you texted.

thank uuu hoshi nim !!!!

we look so good omg :D

i'll let u know when we can do my group's tiktok okay ? ill see u soon !!! <3

It'd be odd for any other guy to sigh so adoringly at their phone at such simple messages, but none of the guys gave him too much shit for how often he stared at your messages with awe in his eyes. You just sounded so enthusiastic to speak to him, and- Okay, he knew he was overthinking it. You were probably just someone who conveyed their emotions through text (he was too!!!). He just liked knowing that he was now somewhere in your KakaoTalk, ready for any time you wanted to message him. And that heart? He was swooning over the simple gesture, but that was something he couldn't get to without going on ten different tangents about how much he liked you (His friends had already heard them all).

~

"Oh, really? She wants to see you again?", asked Seungkwan later that same day upon hearing that you'd asked Soonyoung to meet later on to record alone.

It was the usual time for dance practice, though currently it was just a few of the members in the practice room as they waited for the rest to show up. These moments would usually be taken up by life updates on each other or by a few overly-competitive rounds of badminton.

"Hold on. Y/N?," asked Chan who just happened to be walking in, "Congrats, man. You've been crushing on her since forever," he gave him a pat on the back in encouragement, joining in on the conversation.

Seungkwan pouted to himself, "She asked you? She always asks me," he didn't seem actually sad, but just whiny as usual.

"C'mon, Kwannie. Give them some time alone. It's young love," interjected Jeonghan, always the proudly designated Soonyoung-supporter.

"Hah," Soonyoung chuckled shyly, looking down, "It's nothing. It's not like I asked her out or anything," he added.

"Well, this is your chance," encouraged Joshua, who had previously been toying with a racket to offer up a round of badminton to the guys, "She gave you her number completely unprovoked. You just need to open up a bit and let her get to know you."

It was all good advice. Great, even. Except that Soonyoung was an anomaly of a guy. Despite how outgoing he seemed to everyone around him (even his fans), he was actually quite shy and reserved when it came to people he wasn't familiar with. You being someone he didn't know too personally and his years-long crush simply did not help matters.

"Yeah, I'll try, just- Fuck, she makes me so nervous. I don't wanna be too obvious," he expressed one of his many concerns.

"Too late," Seungkwan murmured lowly, looking away to act as if he hadn't said anything.

"What do you mean ...," asked Soonyoung with widened eyes.

"Dude, you kept staring at her the whole time we were dancing. And every time she tried to speak to you, you stumbled over your words like an idiot. If she didn't clock that you liked her in those twenty minutes, then she's an idiot – and I'm saying this as her best friend," rambled Seungkwan, letting his friend in on how his interaction with you looked from a third person's point of view.

Soonyoung liked to think that he had enough self-awareness to assess how he was perceived by others. Realistically, however, he knew he lacked the skill to hold in his emotions like the average person. He had fears of being too obvious whilst in your presence, so knowing that he had been too blatantly enamored by you made him cringe internally. The last thing he wanted was to embarrass himself in front of you.

"Fuck, does she-"

"No, I don't think she actually knows. She probably just thinks you're a weirdo," reassured Seungkwan with a sigh, "But isn't that the goal? I mean, for her to know you like her?"

"Yeah, but I have to swoop her off her feet, not make her think I'm some loser who's obsessed with her – I mean, I am, but she doesn't need to know that yet," Soonyoung rambled exasperated.

Joshua, Jeonghan and Chan snickered all at once, finding their friend's ridiculous thought process to be far too funny. As much as they were rooting for him to finally ask you out, watching his strange way of coursing through his crush was something they treasured as a form of entertainment and would be sad to let go off anywhere in the near future. But despite that, they continued their encouragement to get the boy to finally get your sights on him.

"So, what's your plan? Other than pestering me to get her to hang out with you – which, by the way, clearly didn't work," deadpanned Seungkwan.

"I'm just waiting for her to call me so we can do her TikTok challenge. Fuck, should I text her first?", he pondered out loud.

"She told me her comeback's this Friday, but her music video's already out" added Chan, making them all turn to him in question.

"You talk?", whined Hoshi.

Chan nodded slowly as if it were the most obvious thing, "Yeah, we're friends."

Joshua and Jeonghan cackled like hyenas at this, finding Soonyoung's shocked facial expression adorable.

"Am I the only one she's not friends with?!"

"Maybe if you hadn't actively avoided her for years-"

"I didn't mean to! I'm just shy!", he complained, hands lifted as he sighed in frustration, "But no longer! I'm texting her tonight, okay? Next time you see me, I'll be on my way to a situationship – or if luck goes my way, a relationship," he assured.

"Really? Are twenty minutes spent dancing going to make her fall for you? You already tried that, and it failed," deadpanned Seungkwan, "But, I'm rooting for you. Maybe this way you'll finally leave me alone."

That was good enough.

"Any pointers?", asked Soonyoung, "Any intel you guys can give me since you're apparently all part of the 'fuck Soonyoung' club?"

"Just don't do anything stupid," said Seungkwan, all the other boys nodding along.

That was easy enough.

It was one day later that Soonyoung received a text from you, entailing the time and place in which you'd be needing his presence to record a short TikTok video for your group's newest comeback. As luck may have had it, since your comebacks were so close together, you were attending a music show on the same day. This meant that Seventeen would perform right after your group.

The plan was to meet in the backroom in between shootings, just before your group left to their next schedule of the day. Even if it meant that Soonyoung would get no time to prepare for his own performance, he was confident enough he didn't need the extra practice – plus, meeting up with you took priority in his mind.

On the day of the comeback show, Soonyoung felt nerves he hadn't experienced in years. He had prepared for you as much as he could, taking time out of his day to practice your choreo as soon as your group's music video came out in preparation for your meeting. Dumbly enough, he didn't bother to ask you which part you needed for your TikTok, opting to learn the whole thing instead. He had also asked his stylist to go a little extra hard with his hair and makeup (the thought made him feel like a teenager, but he just wanted to look extra good for you).

It was only some time upon his arrival to the venue that he received a text from you asking for his presence.

meet me in the back ? ;)

The blush that arose from his cheeks couldn't be helped.

The two of you had only texted a handful of times since you'd first given him your number a few days ago, but he always found himself blushing and kicking his feet when you'd text him using your adorable emojis. In his delusional mind, he was the only one you sent those cute hearts and smileys to.

With a nervous intake of breath, Soonyoung walked over to the back of the building – an area idols would sometimes visit for a smoke or to hang out behind anyone's view (even staff). He looked around, finding you leaning against the stairs as you waited for him.

You were still wearing that pretty outfit you had worn during your group's performance (which soonyoung made sure to watch as soon as he arrived). It was adorable, but also dangerous for someone like Hoshi. Donning a cute set that consisted of a pink cropped top with a matching fluffy mini-skirt, your look made Soonyoung almost salivate. You were the perfect mixture of adorable and sexy, reminding him all over again why he had first developed a crush on you (that, and the million other reasons).

Upon spotting him, your face lit up, walking over to him with pep in your step, clearly excited to see him (God, take him now).

"Hoshi-Nim!", you called out excitedly, rushing over to his side and offering him a side hug (Fuck).

Hesitantly returning it, he gave you a shy smile and looked down, too timid to hold eye contact for too long. Noticing this, you giggled.

"Is this a bad time, or do you need to go-"

"No! Seventeen's performance isn't until twenty minutes, so I'm good," he interrupted.

"Okay, great. Uh, do you think you'll be able to learn the dance in that time?"

"Oh, I already learned it," he said surprisingly nonchalantly.

"Huh? What? Like, the whole thing?", you asked incredulously.

Scratching the back of his neck in bashfulness, he nodded, "Yeah, uh, just wanted to save you the trouble?", he chuckled breathlessly.

Your eyes widened as did your smile, furrowing your eyebrows at the unnecessary (but highly admirable) amount of effort Hoshi had put into the basic concept of learning what was supposed to be a short TikTok dance for you.

"God, you learned my whole choreo while doing your group's own comeback? That's ... Wow, that's insane, Hoshi-Nim," you praised in disbelief, "You really didn't have to do that."

Soonyoung couldn't lie. He was reeling at the praise. You seemed both surprised and impressed, which were both reactions he wished to draw out of you more often. Sadly, he felt overwhelmed by the attention you were giving him, so the most response he could give you were shy nods and bashful smiles.

Suddenly, you spoke up again, "Actually, Hoshi-Nim, I, uh, I need help with something else, if that's okay?", you looked up at him with a shy smile, reaching out for his hand.

He nodded numbly, surprised at the request for his hand but knowing he'd agree to anything you asked without even needing to know what it was.

Grabbing his hand, you turned around and began leading him somewhere, "It'll just take a moment, I promise. Just ... just really need your help," you sounded breathless, leading him to believe this must've been far more important than the dance. This made Soonyoung the more willing to help you.

Before arriving to your destination, you hesitantly looked back at him as you both walked over to a closed door, Hoshi unknowing of what you needed from him. It appeared as if you were in distress, pondering about something, but saying nothing to him.

Leading him to a small and empty waiting room in the back, you pulled him in, closing the door behind you before turning to him. Before he could verbalize his curiosity, you jumped at him, pulling him down as you stood on your tippy toes and connected your lips in a frantic kiss.

His hair was grabbed at and pulled at in ways that had his eyes rolling. His tongue was sucked at and lips were nibbled at, pulling breathy whines out of him. The quickness in which he fell into the kiss was a bit ridiculous, not even bothering to question what was happening before whining into your mouth and enclosing his arms around you, pulling you even closer.

Pathetic breaths of your name escaped his lips and entered yours. He found himself unable to stop himself from following your every whim, molding his body to your own as you pulled him closer and took all you needed from his lips.

His mind could not process what was happening, so he let his body take the wheel and seek every bit of pleasure he could from yours. His hands were too timid to feel you up the way his body ached to, so he simply let them lay limp on your hips, squeezing any time your kiss became particularly nasty that he couldn't help but react.

Suddenly you began pulling away, pulling a high-pitched whine from his lips as he attempted to follow you, breathing out a tiny 'please' when your tongue came out to give his lips one last swipe.

"Fuck, I'm sorry, I-", you began, "I just- Was that too much? Fuck, I should've asked-"

He shook his head almost aggressively, "N-no, you can do whatever you want! That's- It's totally fine. You don't have to ask, just- Fuck, never ask."

Your hands went up to caress at his cheeks, distress still in your eyes, "I just- I know that you like me, and I just couldn't hold back anymore," you gulped, "You're just so sweet and, shit, the fact that you like me so much makes me- God, I can't think," you rambled.

"You ... you knew? I- How? Did I- Was I so obvious?", he gaped at you, though did not react too much as he did not want to cause you to take your hands off him (He needed your hands on him).

You giggled a bit, "Well, yes, and, uh," you winced in anticipation for your next statement, "Kwannie might've let it slip while we were drunk a few months ago ..."

"He what?!"

"He didn't realize! I don't think he even knows he did it," you defended your friend, "Plus, it's a good thing, since, you know," you smiled at him, hands going from his cheeks to the back of his head, toying with the hair there, "Now I can have some fun with you ..."

The atmosphere changed entirely for Hoshi when you said those words. The lust was back in your eyes and he completely mirrored it – though a little more sheepishly.

"Oh, I ..." he chuckled shyly, "You ... Fuck, you want to have fun with me?"

You nodded, biting your lip.

"W-what type of fun?", he blinked, breathless.

"Can I show you?"

"Fuck, p-please ..."

Your proud smile was the last thing he saw before you closed the gap once more, trapping his lips in another heady kiss. Bonelessly, he followed your rhythm, though in a much more timid manner. While your hands felt and pulled at every inch they liked, his own remained respectfully on your hips. Despite how much his carnal side wanted to take over, he was in such absolute awe of you he couldn't bring himself to think straight and act.

Luckily for him, you were far more proactive than him.

Grabbing onto his rigid hands, you led them down to your ass, encouraging him to feel you up as you had been doing to his chest and hair. At this, he moaned into your mouth, hands now achieving a newfound confidence, beginning to feel you up all over. His hands went over and under your fluffy skirt, occasionally going up to squeeze at your breasts. His actions were rewarded by breathy sighs of his name into his lips, something which he had only ever dreamed about before.

"Soonie ...", you breathed against his mouth, "Is it okay if I call you that? Soonie?"

"Call me anything you want, just- don't stop kissing me," he groaned, making a beeline right back to your lips.

"But ..." you barely managed to get out as his lips chased your own needily, "I wanna- wanna suck your dick," you moaned.

Fuck.

His brain stopped computing for a moment. His heart stopped and his knees buckled. No part of his being worked accordingly as he attempted to process a visual of what you'd just said.

You on your knees, his dick in mouth?

It was borderline pathetic the way in which he moaned into your lips, attacking you with a wet and wanton kiss that could barely meet your lips as he nodded desperately and panted a chorus of 'yesyesyesyesyes' into your mouth.

You found him entertaining, or so it seemed going by your giggle in response before dropping down to your knees. Undoing his performance outfit, you pulled down his pants just enough, only to find an achingly hard cock.

"Just from kissing?" you teased with another wicked giggle as you began to put him in hand.

"I'm so fucking obsessed with you," he whined without thinking, "I'd get hard from you just looking at me."

Soonyoung could feel the shudder that passed through your body at his words.

Oh. You liked his desperation? His pathetic want for you? Luckily for you, Soonyoung had an endless amount of desperation ready to feed you with.

"Tell me more," you said before tilting his cock towards your mouth, beginning to teasingly kitten-lick at the tip.

Now it was his turn to shudder, visibly shaking at the barely-there contact.

"You- you're so fucking perfect ..." he breathed as you continued to lick at him, "I think about you all the time, I- Just have you on my mind every day," he revealed.

"And what do you think about?", you pondered out loud, "This?", you asked before enveloping him in your lips, suckling at the tip of his cock.

"T- think, f-fuck- Think about how pretty you are ... How talented and funny, and- and how much I wanna impress you," he panted out truthfully, whining when he turned to look down at you and found your drooling face staring back up at him as your eyebrows scrunched up in effort.

The sight only made him cry out harder, churning out even more embarrassing confessions.

"A-and I think about how h-happy I could make you ... I'd give you everything and ... and I'd make you feel so fucking good ..." he panted out.

You only went deeper on his cock at the slight allusion, gagging around him with purpose in your eyes. His strangled gasp in response caused you to repeat this movement repeatedly as your hands went up to toy at his balls, stimulating him far too much for a guy who had stupidly assumed all he'd be doing with you today would be dancing.

"Please ... please, can I cum? I need- need to cum. Can't hold it back, y-you're so fucking pretty," his hands wrapped even harder around your hair, destroying the well-crafted hairdo your stylists must've taken an hour orchestrating.

Finally pulling away for air, you gasped to take in as much air as possible before licking at him again in order to slowly regain your breath.

"Just one more minute, Soonie? Be good and wait, yeah?," you murmured, "Tell me what else you've been thinking about, baby. Then I'll let you cum," you requested before wrapping your lips around him again.

Nodding with an empty head, he did as you instructed, wanting nothing more than to cum (even though it was embarrassingly fast).

"Thin-think about how fucking sexy you look on stage, how ... how confident a-and sure of yourself you are ... N-no one's ever made me feel this way. So nervous when you're around. Can't think, can't breathe, can't- oh, oh, fuck. Please, I- F-fuck ..." his rambles detailing his infatuation were halted by your sudden increase of speed in movements, causing his orgasm to break through without any warning.

Soonyoung had no time to feel embarrassed over how little he'd lasted with your mouth around his dick when you'd so enthusiastically continued to suck at him throughout his orgasm, humming at every drop you swallowed.

Crying out in sensitivity (both at the feeling and sight), Soonyoung's teary eyes met your own, sniffling as you finally pulled yourself away from him and stood up to attempt and meet his height again. Wordlessly, you wiped at the few lone tears that strayed away due to the suden impact of his orgasm, kissing him softly as you did so.

He wantonly licked into your mouth, whining when he was able to taste himself in your tongue. Continuing to kiss you, he chased after your lips when you attempted to pull away multiple times, causing you both to chuckle breathlessly at each other.

"Was that what you hoped when you thought about me?", you asked whilst biting back a smile.

Nodding enthusiastically, he agreed, "That was perfect- you're perfect."

"Sorry if that was too much, I just-"

His hands went to hold at your arms, halting your speech, "No! Never apologize. You can do whatever you want to me. Always. Trust me," he insisted with a serious yet air-headed look in his eyes.

Giggling, you gave up on apologizing for having jumped him so suddenly just minutes ago.

"Wait, fuck!", he suddenly let out, "I have to be on stage in like five minutes. Shit, I need my hair redone and- oh, wait, we didn't get to do your TikTok. Do you wanna-"

"No, it's okay, Soonyoung. Go get ready. We can just meet up later for the video, okay?," you reassured him, leading him out of the room you'd cornered him in and beginning to walk towards where he needed to be, with you having to push him along, as he was too distracted.

"Yeah, okay. Great," he began walking away from you before turning back, "Can- Can I call you? Later, I mean?", he cringed internally at how not smooth that was.

You giggled at him again, nodding, "Yes, Soonyoung. You can call me any time. Good luck with your stage," you took a few steps and planted a kiss on his cheek, finally walking away for real after that.

Leaving a wordless Soonyoung behind, he finally began processing what had just happened, gulping at the thought.

Had he really just hooked up with you in a lone room buried in the basement floor of Inkigayo?

Had he really confessed to his crush whilst she knelt before him, cock in mouth and watery eyes staring up at him?

Fuck, how was he supposed to perform now?

"No way."

"You're lying. There's literally no way that happened."

"She let you hit?!"

"Well, uh, not exactly," Soonyoung scratched the back of his head awkwardly at all the attention he was suddenly receiving from his friends.

As the loudmouth he was known to be, he had made the mistake of airing out what had happened between the two of you earlier that day. After a few takes of their comeback performance, his group and staff headed back to Hybe, where Soonyoung and some of his members arrived to practice.

Although Soonyoung had not shared the explicit details of what had happened, – nor had he meant to in the first place – he had made the mistake of implied that you had done something. Okay, yeah, maybe he did use the word 'hooked up' without realizing the implications it could have. Could he be blamed? He was still on a high from you even giving him the time of day!

"What happened, exactly?", asked Seungkwan with a groan. Two minutes into the conversation and he was already fed up of Soonyoung. The usual.

"I'm not sure if I should say," he started.

No part of him wanted to air you out for any promiscuous activities you may take part in – even if they had been with him. He also did not want to disrespect your trust. Seungkwan was your best friend, though, so he'd know eventually. Right?

"Dude, just spit it out!", demanded Seokmin, yet another member who had been let in on the situation at some point.

"We kissed ... and uh, other things ... maybe," he added after a pause, almost unable to hide his sheepish smile at the memory.

Jeonghan was the first to react, followed by Joshua. Both their eyes widened as they approached Soonyoung to dap him up, hyping him for his accomplishment.

"Okay, no more details, please. I don't want to think about my best friend in that way," cringed Seungkwan, still offering Soonyoung a congratulatory pat in the back whilst sporting a disgusted grimace.

"And then what happened?", asked Chan, cocking his head to the side.

"Then I had to leave to perform."

Then there was a short pause.

"Dude!"

"Are you serious?"

"You just left??"

They all took turns in shifting the atmosphere to one of annoyance rather than congratulating him like they had just been doing.

"She told me to leave," he clarified quickly, "Fuck, should I call her? I said I would. What should I say? What do you say after your crush sucks the life out of you in a basement? Shit, should I have stopped her?", he rambled with questions, a worried look in his eye.

"First of all, chill," started Seungkwan, "second of all, if she did it, it was because she wanted to. I know her, she would've told you to fuck off if she didn't like you. Just be a man, for once, and call her," he reprimanded.

"Fuck, okay, yeah. I'll call her – now. I'll call her right now," he nodded decisively, beginning to gather his things to leave, "Uh, you guys can practice without me for today. Oh, and Seungkwan?", he added before leaving.

"What?"

"I owe you one!", he said with zero context as to what he was referring to, leaving a confused Seungkwan behind to ponder what he had meant.

Maybe one day he'd remember to formally thank his friend for accidentally confessing to his crush on his behalf, but for now his mind was muddled solely with thoughts of you and calling you to see if maybe you'd be willing to see him again as soon as possible. Today, maybe? He needed to confess to you formally, not as he pathetically came in your mouth before leaving you to perform.

~

"Hello?"

"You picked up! Okay, good. Hi."

"You know, you're way less smooth than I thought," you laughed.

"Are you saying I have no rizz?", he pouted through the phone.

"Maybe. Depends what you're calling me for?", your tone shifted to a more suggestive tone.

"Fuck, please walk me through this. I have no idea how to talk to you," whined Soonyoung, deciding to lay all cards on the table. You already knew he was pathetically into you, what harm could it bring?

You hummed as you pondered what he said, clicking your tongue, "When are you free?"

"For you? Any time," he replied with a quickness.

"So, tonight?"

"Yes," he said without a second thought.

"Shit. You really like me, huh?"

"So fucking much. I could go on about it forever. Just, you know, maybe not while you're making me lose my mind on some public basement," he laughed airily, wincing internally at how pathetic he must've sounded earlier that day.

"Yeah? Wanna come over and tell me more about it?", you dared.

"Please text me your address and I'll be there within the next hour," he practically pleaded. On further thought, he still sounded pathetic while speaking to you. Maybe some things just could not be helped.

"I'll see you here at ten, okay?" you made a kissy sound to him and hung up before he could say anything else, sending him a text with your address just moments later.

Soonyoung sighed as he let himself slouch back on the couch he'd been sitting on, still finding himself at his company's building, as the need to call you was too big for him to arrive home before doing so. For now, he'd be able to make a stop home before heading over to your place. It was still early and he needed to bathe and wash and pamper himself to the best of his ability (Just in case his visit was going to be as suggestive as your voice had been on the call).

Having a chance to think over the past day on his way to his home, he realized that his debilitating shyness around you had died off the moment you kissed him, instead becoming a newfound sense of neediness he didn't know he had in him. He accepted it – specially since you seemed to like it. However, he had hopes that he'd be able to talk to you a bit – and maybe finally get to ask you out –tonight at your place.

From what Seungkwan had said (along with the way you interacted with him), he believed there was a chance you liked him back. You wouldn't have kissed him (nor given him the head of his life) if you didn't like him at least a bit. You also wouldn't laugh so much while talking to him (nor smile at him so often) if you didn't feel anything for him.

These were his thoughts and hopes throughout the night as he readied himself for you.

~

A few hours later and he now found himself in front of your gated home. It had taken some effort to get here, seeing as it was rare for you to give out your address (As a fellow idol, he understood), but he was still on time.

He knew that the cool thing to do would've been to arrive a little late or maybe even skip it altogether to get your curiosity about him to heighten more, but he was too excited to see you to even think about playing any games. With some treats in hand (which he knew you liked, as per Seungkwan's input), he rang your doorbell and awaited your arrival.

Upon seeing you, he gulped. You weren't wearing anything particularly racy – just some loungewear. Unfortunately for Soonyoung, he had a thing for you in loungewear, apparently. You donned a white tank top and some sweats, which somehow managed to contour your body perfectly for his viewing. The comfort that radiated from you also made Soonyoung feel a mixture of softness and want for you. His feelings for you at the moment were complicated – all he knew was that he wanted you; whether that was in a pure or filthy way, he wasn't sure.

"Hi," was all he could bring himself to say.

"Hi, Soonyoung. Come in?", you moved to the side to let him in.

He walked in, taking in your place and how much of you it contained. Or well, that's what he planned to do until you grabbed his hand and prevented his wandering, leading him over to a large couch in what he assumed to be your living room.

Wordlessly, you took the treats from his hands and sat him down decisively, immediately going to straddle him and placing your hands on his shoulders. He was intimidated by your straightforwardness, but immediately too into it, whining into your lips the mere moment your mouths connected. His hands were less timid this time around, holding onto your hips and attempting to pull you closer to him.

"Fuck, I've wanted you all day," you sighed into his lips.

"I've wanted you for years," he breathed against your own, following your lips any second they were away from his.

"Are you gonna show me?"

"Yes, fuck. I'll do anything you want, however you want," he promised as your lips went down to his neck, sighing at every kiss against his skin.

"Fuck, why did you wear so many clothes?", you groaned at the jacket that was in your way, also referring to the thick jeans he was currently sporting under you.

"I- I thought we were just going to watch a movie or something," he explained shyly.

As stupid as it sounded the second he said it, he truly was not expecting you to jump him for a second time in the same day. He had truly expected the two of you to talk or simply hang out before your next sexual encounter. However, he was unable to find any complaints regarding his current situation.

His statement must've given you some sort of reaction, as you disconnected your lips from his neck and leaned back to face him with a look of awe in your eyes.

"Soonie, fuck, you're too cute," you groaned, hand going up to his cheek as your thumb caressed the skin there, "You almost make me feel bad for wanting you so bad," you muttered before going back to your regular volume of voice, "I promise we'll talk, baby. I just- I've been wet since I sucked you off today," you explained, giving him no time to respond before kissing him again.

The couch you were currently sitting on squeaked at the brand new movement above it as you began softly grinding against Soonyoung, damning any layers in between you.

"I- I wanted to return the favor, I swear!", he managed to pant out, mind leaving him a little more every time your hips connected with his, "I had to go, I didn't- I didn't mean to leave you like that," explained in deep breaths.

"I know, Soonie. Which is why you're going to make it up to me. Right, baby?," you coo'd against his lips, licking at them when he pouted and nodded in response.

Only a few more moments of making out and dry humping took place before you began growing restless above him, whimpering any time your cunt would grace against the harsh button of his jeans. Your sweats were thin enough for Soonyoung to know that the mutual humping of his hips must've been getting you off (at least going off by the increasingly high cries you were breathing into his mouth).

"I want you to fuck me," you suddenly said when you pulled back for air, messily getting off his lap and dragging him with you, hard dick standing up and all.

Almost robotically, he followed you to your room, surprised when you sat down this time, seemingly directing for him to be on top. Before he could begin to crawl over you, however, you stopped him with a palm to his chest, nodding at him to take off his clothes.

"Clothes off, baby. I'll take mine off too."

He stood frozen for a second at the mention of you getting undressed, staring down at you as you nonchalantly threw off every item, leaving you fully naked in front of him as you sat back on the edge of the bed.

"Soonie? Clothes?", you asked.

"O-oh, right," he stammered, eyes still not leaving your breasts.

Despite having had no higher education during his twenties, he was sure he could write a whole dissertation on every curve of your body. Every freckle and line of your skin had him too distracted to take off his clothes without tripping every few seconds. You might've been giggling at the sight, he wasn't too sure since his eyes, ears, and entire mind were in tune to the view from your shoulders and below.

Finally undressed, he hesitantly walked over to your spot on the bed, only to be beat by you when you suddenly crawled further on the bed, somehow conjuring a condom from under your pillow as you turned around and set yourself in all fours, presenting him with your- oh fuck.

Soonyoung could've sworn he lost his mind the moment you arched your back just a little more as he approached you, almost dropping to his knees at the sight. He felt like an animal in heat, while also having an understanding of what it must be like to be a starving man in search of his next meal. His body was begging him to grab that condom and insert himself as deep in you as it was humanly possible, hammering into you until he cried at the stimulation.

It was the weaker part of him, however, that won.

His shaky hands reached for the condom you'd placed on the highest point of your back, struggling to put it in due to the sheer need running through his veins. After that, his hands finally went to your bare hips, feeling them up and down in absolute awe. One of his hands came to the arch of your back, toying with the thought of pressing it even lower and audibly groaning when you actually followed through and ended up pressing your ass even further against him.

"It's stressing me out how badly I want you," he cried out, sniffling, "I'm going to burst the moment I'm inside you," he verbalized his fear.

"Me too, Soonie ..." you sighed, "Been waiting for you all day ... Need you to fuck me already," you practically pleaded. Pleaded, as in pleading for him. He was sure you wanted him dead.

Nodding to himself, he began lining himself up, unable to resist the temptation to let his tip toy at your folds despite how such sensation made his eyes roll back in pleasure. His groans got louder at your own reaction – even more pleas of his name to finally fuck you.

Unable to hold back any longer, Soonyoung finally penetrated you, instantly regretting it, as he knew there would be no way for him to ever feel such pleasure ever again.

It was mixture of his feelings for you paired by the natural desperation he felt at having all these years of anticipation come to a close. Having dreamt about you for countless nights, he'd torture himself with unachievable thoughts of you. Now that he finally had you, pretty and stuffed under him, his mind could not process how tight and hot and wet you felt around him.

"It's so good, oh, fuck, it's so- you feel so fucking good," he panted out in strangled breaths, beginning to hump against your ass.

The slaps of his hips against your ass sounded so filthy to him in that moment, but it only heightened his drive even more. He was known to have a tiger's stamina for a reason.

"Mphm, t-tell me how it feels," he pleaded after some moments of not hearing much from you. Suddenly a wail released from your lips, making his cock twitch inside you at the sound.

"C-can't, it's too good. So big, fuck", you gasped intermittently.

"Right? Made for me ... Right? She's just for me, isn't she? So wet and tight for me," he knew that maybe personifying your pussy mid sex could be a turn off for some people, but was pleased when the sudden tightness of your pussy confirmed that he'd been correct in assessing you – you were a freak just like him.

"She needs more, Soonie," you begged.

How was he to deny you when you'd been so good? When you were the girl of his dreams, granting him access to the pussy that starred every single one of his filthiest dreams for years?

His hips sped up, likely bruising your ass with the intensity of the skin slapping. You had no complaints, though, continuing to occasionally cry out his name accompanied by babbles.

He was not doing any better, practically drooling both at the sight and feeling of you.

"Tell me you like me," he suddenly pleaded, knowing his orgasm wad approaching, "Please."

"So much, Soonie. So- so sweet for me. Like you so much," you confirmed in between hiccups of pleasure.

"Oh, fuck, thank God," he sighed in relief, hips going even harder at the confirmation of you liking him back. This meant that he'd get to have you again and again, and not only that, but he'd also get to hold your hand and put a heart next to your contact name and bring you over to meet his mom and-

"I'm so close, Soonie," you interrupted with the prettiest breath of desperation Soonyoung had ever heard.

"S-say it again," he cried, using his last efforts to prolong his orgasm long enough to achieve yours before he finally broke down.

"I like you s-so fucking much, Soonyoung," you repeated, "You're so handsome and sweet, and- and you like me so much," you explained in between gasps every time his hips would hit that spongy spot inside you that had your eyes rolling back.

Every word went straight to his cock, breaking him and bringing forth his orgasm sooner than he had anticipated. In sheer desperation, his hand went under you, rapidly toying at your swollen bud in order to get you there with him. There was no way he was going to cum without you twice in a single day.

Crying out uncontrollably, he became a senseless mess, hips having lost all their rhythm and nonsensical babbles filled with praise leaving his lips. He hadn't realized your orgasm had arrived until he felt you tighten up impossibly tightly around him, having been too into his own to notice. Regardless, his inner instinct commanded him to buck into you as you went through your high, ignoring any sensibility he may have felt. Your pleasure was his priority, now and from then on.

"P-please, Soonie, it's too much, it's- Oh, fuck. Like that. Just like that, Ah!", you moaned for him up until your arms gave out, forcing you to fall against the bed and bury your head in the sheets, muffling every whimper Soonyoung dreaded to miss.

He reasoned it was fine. Now that he knew you liked him back, he'd be able to draw orgasm after orgasm out of you. A sinister part of him was bugging at him to flip you over as soon as your orgasm subsided and force at least three more out of you as he buried his face between your legs, but he didn't want to scare you off with his sick addiction to you just yet.

That, and the fact that his mind was only seconds from melting away as your cunt insisted on sucking him in, disregarding how sensitive his cock was. The only thought in his mind at the moment was constant silent praise to your cunt and to yourself for having allowed him access to your bare body.

"Shit .... God, I really wasn't expecting that," you panted out after your orgasm had ended, gasping when he finally pulled out without warning, "You're kind of insane for someone so shy," you added as you caught your breath.

Chuckling as he helped you lay on your back, he reached over to some tissues on your end table and cleaned you up a bit, proceeding to remove his condom and getting up to throw it out along with the tissues. When he made it back to the bed, you were already laying under the covers, laying on your side and staring up at him with a suggestive smile.

Giggling at you, he giddily got under the covers. It was insanely hard to control the gigantic grin that took over his face when you instantly cuddled into him, letting him nuzzle his face into your breasts. If there was a heaven, this was it.

"Was I good?", he mumbled into your skin, not able to help himself in laying a few kisses here and there.

Your hand felt heavenly as it scratched at his scalp, allowing no space in between you as you cocooned him against you, legs wrapped around his waist holding him hostage.

"Are you serious? I think you broke me. Wasn't expecting you to be so ... horny."

"I'm always horny for you," he said nonchalantly.

It was amusing to him how easily he found comfort in you so soon. Only a few hours prior, he was a stuttering mess, yet he his nose was now deeply buried between your breasts, hands on your as as he held you against him, a feeling of ease floating around the room.

"Stop," you dragged out the vowel, laughing at how ridiculous his answers always were, "You're gonna make me like you even more."

"Not more than I like you," he rebutted, squeezing you closer in some sort of act of defiance, "Let me take you out?", he then asked, poking his face out of chest to stare up at you with wide eyes.

"I'd be an idiot to say no," you started, "Yes, Soonyoung. I've been waiting for you to ask," you added, scooting down on the bed so you could finally be face to face with the boy.

Gaping at you, he opened and closed his mouth a few times, "Oh my God. How long have you liked me?"

"Ever since Seungkwan told me, I've been trying to get you alone, but you'd always run away," you giggled, "Realizing you'd always avoid me because you liked me just made me so ... endeared. I was so happy when Kwan told me you wanted to do that TikTok dance with me," you revealed, kissing at his cheeks by the end of it.

Groaning, he nuzzled into your tits again, humming at the vibration of your body as you laughed at him again, "Fuck, I know I should've just asked you out. You just made me so nervous."

"Well, we can make up for the lost time now," you assured, cuddling into him, "You still need to take me out."

"I'll take you out every day," he hummed, "But first, I owe Seungkwan a drink," he added, drinking in yet another giggle from you.

to read short 3.4 word continuation you can go join my monthly tier on kofi or patreon!

content: sub!soonyoung, body worship, hoshi being down horrendously bad, afab reader, smut, oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, etc.

wc: 888 (teaser); 3425 (full drabble)

sneak peak:

"Can you get off my friend?"

"Do you mean my girlfriend?"

"It's been like half a day, stop saying that," groaned Seungkwan, staring you and Soonyoung down as you lounged around the hardwood floors of their practice room, cuddled up as if you hadn't just had your first date yesterday.

Soonyoung hadn't had the pleasure of knowing you on a personal level for too long (meaning he'd literally only made eye contact with you for the first time less than a week ago), but he had grasped your humor and boundaries pretty quickly. He knew you had no issue with how intense he was with his feelings for you, simply giggling along with him when he'd call you girlfriend or even wife. You said you found his crush cute and as a great ego-boost, specially since the crush was pretty much mutual (your words, by the way!!).

Seungkwan had been a mixture of elated and annoyed at the news of the two of you dating as soon as he'd seen you walk into the practice room hand by hand. Apparently you had texted him right after sleeping with Soonyoung, entailing your escapades together. Both mortified and proud of his friends now being privy to that information, Soonyoung took it as a welcome to begin parading you around as his girlfriend.

Your first date took place on the following day, manifesting itself as a simple at-home picnic late at night, followed by a sheepish 'first date kiss' at the end of the day and leading to this morning, where Soonyoung begged you to make a stop by his practice room before going to your own.

Your quick stop became a long visit as you became entertained by your friends and Soonyoung, who refused to let you leave. So now you found yourself being hogged by your boyfriend whilst your best friend feigned annoyance at the sight.

"Are you just not going to join us for practice?", Chan eventually approached you after having gone over the choreo a few times with some of the other members.

"I need to make up for lost time," whined Soonyoung, somehow nuzzling further into you.

"How are you not sick of him?", Minghao asked with a lighthearted eye-roll, kicking at Soonyoung's foot on his way by.

"Come on, he's cute," you spoke in defense of him, causing a muffled giggle to vibrate against your chest, a few pecks being left in his wake as a silent thank you.

"Then take him home, he's useless here! Some of us still need to practice," added Seungkwan, joining Minghao with an eye-roll of his own.

Turning to Soonyoung, you nudged him, "What do you say? Want my driver to give you a ride home?", you began leaning up against his wishes, giggling at the way he attempted to keep you cuddled up next to him, "C'mon, Soonie. Your members need to practice."

Getting up, you managed to drag him with you, turning to Seungkwan after the fact.

He pouted at you, giving you a hug goodbye as he usually liked to do, "You don't actually have to go, I was just being annoying," he said into your neck.

"It's fine, Kwannie. Soonyoung said he wanted to head home earlier, I don't know why he dragged me here anyway," you smiled at him before getting pulled away by your touchy boyfriend, who was sticking his tongue out at Kwan in defiance.

"He brought you to show you off," interjected Jeonghan, earning a scowl from Soonyoung.

"Anyways, never again! You can all keep your eyes," he turned to Seungkwan, "and hands off my girlfriend now. Thank you!", he stated like a petulant child, hand sliding down your arm and into your hand before beginning to pull you to the exit.

You giggled at his antics, waving goodbye to your friends before walking away with him.

"Hey," he called your attention once you were out in the hallway.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ... Can I come over to your place instead of having your driver drop me off?", he asked, uncharacteristically shy.

"Hmm? Yeah, of course. Is something wrong?"

He shook his head, "No! Just ... It's been two days since we, you know, and we've been spending all this time together. I didn't want to, like, scare you off or anything ..." he trailed off.

Although he was facing you, his eyes were avoiding your own, likely out of bashfulness. This made you crumble.

"Soonie," you coo'd, taking hold of his cheeks in your hands, "You're not scaring me off. I'm sorry I haven't been as forward about my feelings," you pouted at him, earning a pout in return, "How about you stay over tonight? We can have watch movies and have some fun together? I'll get you a ride back to the company tomorrow morning. What do you think?", your hands went to the back of his neck, lightly pulling at the treces from his mullet.

The slight suggestion to sex was there, but you hadn't meant to highlight it. You mostly just wanted to spend time with him; try to reassure him you enjoyed his company as much as he did yours.

He nodded enthusiastically, "Really? That sounds- that sounds fun," he practically reeled, following along without a second thought when you grabbed at his hand again, pulling him to the elevators.

...

find the 18+ continuation on kofi or patreon!

if you have trouble finding it on there, just let me know!!<3

[glitterfairy-21225]

"Plus, your father will probably forgive you eventually and want you back," is the most insulting thing Colin could have said to Cressida, and he didn't even realize because his own father would not have even considered casting out one of his kids, even for something as big as lying about Whistledown. That kid would have already been forgiven. But also, Edmund and Violet would never have to deal with such a thing, because none of their kids would ever be driven to take desperate measures without going to someone for help first.

Because someone would help them.

Eloise is often criticized for not realizing her own privilege, but Colin's talk with Cressida made me realize that none of the siblings can fully grasp how alone a person could be, especially in that time period, bc they've literally never had to worry about being alone. Even without their father, they've always had wealth, a loving mother, and a large number of siblings to lean on. That's an uncommon amount of support.

[pandoa]

eyes of your beholder

rook reassures you that you are still the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, no matter what your insecurities are

rook hunt x gender neutral! reader

requested by @yvonne67~✰

“Rook… honest opinion…” your voice rang through the decently sized dorm room of a certain Pomefiore vice housewarden. With a hint of hesitation to your tone, you leaned your back against the young man’s pillows and bed as you turned to look at him from his spot seated in front of his desk.

“Do you think I’m… too loud whenever we’re together?” 

Rook, upon hearing the hesitance in your voice, immediately set down the pen and paper in his hands, giving you his full attention, “Hm? Whatever do you mean, mon amour?”

“You know… I am more on the rambunctious side when it comes to personality, and it doesn’t help that my image doesn’t really correlate much with the standards Pomefiore builds as a dorm. People talk, you know. I’m not oblivious to their stares and whispers… I’m also more average when it comes to my looks so…” your sentence trailed off as you avoided the way Rook had been looking at you at that moment. Almost as if he were studying you with each sentence you said.

“You’re beautiful through and through, (Y/n),” he answered back with a sure expression, “But… Why do you ask?”

“It’s nothing—”

“It is never nothing, (Y/n).” Rook took a small step towards you, gently grasping your hands as the emerald of his eyes bore into you as if he were gazing through a crystal window to your thoughts. He held your hands delicately, voice now soft and whispering, “Mon ange, please tell me what is going through that radiant mind of yours.”

At that, his words were enough to make you feel as if you were about to crumble. Crumble into a pathetic pile of dust, dirt, and envy which gnawed at your conscience as your true intentions shone past the defenses you placed moments before. Your defenses collapsed all at once with a single utterance from the man in front of you, and he could see you clearer than ever by now. The imperfections and clouded insecurities. The damaged self-confidence and unease. 

He knew what made your mind spiral and twist and turn. What caused that heavy pit in your stomach whenever you would catch yourself glancing at another student at Pomefiore, gaze lingering a little longer than what was socially acceptable as a mere accident. He knew… yet he still hoped that you would be the one who told him directly.

This man… is too observant for his own good, you thought to yourself as you noticed Rook beginning to gently rub his thumb over your hands in a comforting motion, sending a warm flutter through your senses at the reassuring action.

“I just… I was just wondering if there was something that—” you paused for a split second as you pieced together your thoughts prudently, “—That I could perhaps fix about myself. To meet the kind of standards you all set for both yourself and the people around you. Just to, you know, maybe fit the part as your significant other a little better. That’s all.”

“Fit the part?” Rook repeated in disbelief, “Mon ange, you have nothing you need to be proving to others in order for—”

You glanced back up at him with a firm disposition, your stance unwavering and disbelieving in his words, “But there is, Rook. There is.”

“I can assure you there is not,” Rook smiled with a gentle curve to his lips as he took your hands he’d already been holding and guided you off of the sinking mattress of his dorm room, leading you somewhere away from his bed. “Come with me.”

“Where?” you asked as you reluctantly sat up and practically let him pull you to your feet. You had no idea what the huntsman had planned for you this time, yet you still gave into his wishes as he supported your form once you stood up. Albeit, with at least half as much enthusiasm compared to him—but still.

“Just trust me,” Rook’s smile slowly formed into a grin as you both began walking across his dorm room. Passing by the wooden furniture of his desk beside his bed, treading through the soft texture of his white, polka-dotted rug, and past the neatly hung bows and arrows in his room, you and Rook made your way on your short journey and into the familiar doors of—

… The bathroom?

“Now, mon trésor, what do you see?” Rook asked as he guided your shoulders and had you face both of your reflections into the dorm’s gold-accented looking glass with Rook standing slightly behind you.

“The mirror,” you answered back dryly.

“Be serious.”

A sigh escaped your mouth at his insistence for an answer, “Myself…”

“C’est exact! It’s you,” the hunter grinned as he gave you a small applause, glancing at you through the mirror, “And what else do you see in the mirror?”

“I see you.”

“Correct again. I see you, and you see me. A beautiful exchange, don’t you think?” “Rook, what’s the point in all of this—” You tried turning around to face the young man, only for him to promptly grasp your shoulders again and turn your frame to face the looking glass once more.

“And like this beautiful exchange, because you, mon ange, are my beloved partner and lover, we get to see, discover, and adore the things that make us the individuals we are today. To love someone is to see them…” Rook tenderly took hold of your hand again, reaching from his place behind you to grasp it as his voice was laced with an ardent urgency to tell you these words. His eyes bore into your heart as his ability to see things beyond the surface spoke to you in gentle touches and confessions of adoration. 

Then, after Rook had ensured that you were listening to every word, every syllable, and every consonant he uttered, he continued.

“...And I see you each and every second of the day, (Y/n). The world can say what it wants, your mind can continue feeding whatever worries which flood your mind so often, yet absolutely nothing will go so far as to blind me and prevent me from seeing the enchanting parts of you which I so adore.

There is nothing you need to do or change in order to be deserving of the love which I give to you freely. No superficial standard, no judgemental comment, no part you have to play… Nothing.”

“I only want you. Nothing else.” 

Rook finishes his passion-filled explanation, allowing more time for you to take in all that he said and let it imprint itself into both your mind and heart. You watched as Rook’s reflection in the mirror had diverted his gaze from the looking glass and onto you, seeing through you again and again in ways you could not even comprehend. It was almost unfair how he was able to reach you in the deepest depths of your mind. Never giving up on you whenever these waves and storms of emotions struck you. It was almost unfair how he pulled you out of these storms each time, piecing you back together like a beautifully broken piece of artwork.

“Now, if that fact alone still does not satisfy you,” the huntsman then continued as his voice held a much more lighthearted tone to it, “then I will gladly go through every detail about you which I oh so adore, as I have previously mentioned. And once I name each and everything, I will then give an even more detailed reasoning for why I love those parts of you, starting with your eyes, lips, face, nose, cheeks—”

You shook your head hastily, not wanting for him to over do his affirmations, “No, Rook, that isn’t very necess—”

“—eyebrows, eyelashes, waist, legs, voice—”

“Rook, wait—”

“—the little beauty marks and stray marks which decorate your skin, your scars, your hair no matter where it is—” He powered on despite your objections.

“It’s okay, really—”

“—the way your lips shift into a certain expression when you’re thinking, the way your arms never fail to bend at a one hundred thirty-seven degree angle every single time you pull me into one of your spell-binging embraces, the way you—”

Oh, Sevens. You have the dear hunter going off on a tangent now.

a/n: i really pulled out a protractor to try and measure the exact angle my arm would bend hugging a hypothetical rook hunt

[thisapplepielife]

Happy 1st Anniversary, Tuesday's Gone With the Wind.

Twenty-nine years ago in fictional history, Corroded Coffin's plane crashed into the woods of Louisiana.

Thanks and so much love to anyone and everyone that has given this fic a read over the past year. Thanks for braving beyond that opening author's note. Thanks for the love you've given it. Thanks for making me feel seen. You made me feel like this thing that I spent months solely focused on, deep in research, was worth the time invested. You made me feel that it was a story worth telling.

It's my favorite thing I've ever written, and the one that still occupies my thoughts on the regular.

One year ago today, I finished posting it. It's not my most popular fic, not by a long shot. But I don't think it needs to be. It might not be for everyone, and that's okay.

It was for me.

And if it was for you, too, please know how much I appreciate you for reading it, recommending it, or championing it in any way. The audience it found may not have been huge, but the response from those that did read it, was so beyond overwhelmingly supportive and positive.

I said in the beginning that this was a love story. I'll double down on that now, with a year of distance and the continuation of their story in Wildflowers, under my belt.

It's many love stories.

And I miss these versions of them, and the love they all shared.

I miss Eddie Munson, with his big heart that fell fast and hard and forever. I miss Sweetheart and Dragon Slayer. I miss the Eddie that loved wholeheartedly, and despite all the problems he had, that never changed. Steve Harrington arriving in his life was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he knew that, from the start. He was all in.

I miss the young and flawed Gareth Jones, and his love for Di that he sometimes squandered like a goddamn fool. I miss his ride or die friendship with Eddie, that feels as real in my heart, as anything I've ever seen on screen. Gareth has changed how I listen to music, fundamentally. The drums snap to the forefront, now. And sometimes, I'll smile and think, damn, Gareth Jones would play this like a motherfucker.

I miss Jeff and Goodie, and their lifelong friendship, from the cradle to the grave. Jeff, for his even keel and ability to be part of the solution, instead of part of the problem, and Goodie for being exact opposite. The dry-witted, fanner of flames, that often made things (and let's be real, Gareth) a little bit worse, just because he could, for fun.

I miss Road Manager Steve Harrington, with his red milk crate and his unwavering competence and love. If love could have kept that plane in the air, Steve's love for them all would have been enough to do it, without a doubt.

If you haven't read it, and might want to, amazing, thank you. You don't have to read it unspoiled, and I'll even answer spoilery questions by DM if you want me to, but I'll always stand by the option to read it unspoiled existing, for those that do want to just dive in, and see where it lands. Or crashes, as it were.

I can only hope that you get, or have gotten, something out of reading it, because I absolutely got something out of writing it.

They changed me.

Thanks, boys.

Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally, golly what a day.

[anundyingfidelity]

SENSE OF DOUBT — Dean Winchester

Summary: Dean is gone, but one day he shows up at your door to see you one last time before it's over.

Pairing: Dean x female reader.

Word count: 596.

Notes: this is part of @artyandink Jensen's drabble marathon!! Also I'm barely on season 8 of spn but he died on a hunt in this fic (sorry for killing him again😩), also heavily influenced by 'The Winchesters' because it was the first thing I ever saw and now I'm hooked up with the whole spn universe, so thank you to that show and because Dean looked so fucking good

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

GEN MASTERLIST!

The knock on your door startled you for a moment. You were not expecting anyone at this time. It was night already, and you were going to bed soon, just to wait for another day of your miserable life. Ever since he was gone, keeping up with the future was an unbearable pain that you had to learn to control. For him.

Or else, you knew you'd be dead by now, because you were brave enough to kill yourself to die by his side.

It was a hard hunt you got into. Dean wasn't able to get out alive and for months you blamed yourself for it.

Sam used to be there for you, before he got married, letting you cry on his shoulder and cling into his arms. You mourned together, until somehow you were able to go through the sorrow together.

Your eyes filled with tears and a soft gasp left your lips once you opened the door. Seeing him there almost got you thinking it was a dream; one of those you used to have when the rain was pouring and the sadness and grief took over the most.

"Hey," he said, smiling softly. He had the same soft look on his eyes you loved so dearly. Dean noticed you froze in place, and walked even closer to you as you reached his hand to confirm he was real.

He was there. As if nothing happened.

"Dean?" you whispered, feeling the tears sliding on your cheeks. He cupped your face with his hands, wiping them off your skin as he nodded, pressing his forehead against yours in a lovely gesture. You sobbed, smiling through. "How?"

He pressed his lips on yours with love and care. "Just a last hunt."

With bright eyes, you were startled at him, watching every freckle and wrinkle on his face, memorizing his bright green eyes, just to think this was how you would have ended if things were different.

Maybe you would have retired already from hunting. You could have married, then have a family just like Sam did, visit him and his son and wife every weekend, have what neither you or Dean and his brother never had. A real family; something to protect and take care of. Too sad 'what ifs' were not real and all that was a long gone dream buried deeply in the back of your head.

You started to doubt for a second. You had very vivid dreams before, but this was different. You could feel the warmth coming from his body, his heart beating, and his touch was exactly how you remembered. Dean was exactly how you remembered him. And you accepted he was finally there.

"I missed you so fucking much, you don't have any idea," you mumbled, kissing him anew.

You pulled him inside your apartment after breaking the kiss, closing the door behind your back.

"You're gonna tell me everything," you said, hand on his stubbled cheek. "How much time you have?"

He arched a brow. "Being honest, I don't know... I've been around for some time, I guess I lost the count."

There was a glimpse of sadness in your eyes he noticed, but you swallowed the pain and nodded.

"Then we gotta take advantage of it before it's over, right?"

He nodded this time, softly grabbing your wrist as you continued to caress his cheek. "Yeah, we'll do, sweetheart."

Dean taglist (some of them can't tag them sorry 😩)

@thesilmarillionblog

@onlyangel-444

@daisy-the-quake

@jackles010378

@cassieriddle713

@deans-spinster-witch

@feyresqueen

@drasticemotions @stoneyggirl2

@sapnaploves

@k-slla

[hwere]

Sydney and the winds of change.

Expanding on some thoughts of mine that I mentioned here.

Syd and Tina:

Starting with them ‘cause their friendship fills my heart with so much love and warmth.

Tina’s initial stance of animosity towards Sydney derives from the fact that not only she’s used to being the only woman in the kitchen, but the same generational fear as Richie: of being replaced by someone new, younger. When Syd arrived at The Beef, the crew viewed her as one of Carmy’s peers. While the others (Ebra, Marcus, Sweeps, etc.) seemed curious about her, Tina braced herself for the worst; she treats Sydney harshly because she believes that Syd – young and a professional chef – will either replace her or look down on her.

Sydney, though, viewed all of them as equals (except for Carmy). That is why it is so beautiful to watch Syd disarm Tina by complimenting her food and encouraging her to do better in the kitchen, instead of joining the dick-measuring competition. Syd showed Tina that there’s no need for competition; there’s room for both and they can be friends who uplift and inspire each other.

Later, we see Tina outright saying this to Ebra when he came back to the restaurant after going AWOL due to his insecurity regarding the school; passing down the lesson.

Syd and Marcus:

Their friendship has a different vibe since they’re closer in age.

Marcus feels inspired and supported by both Syd and Carmy to chase his dreams, to put himself out there, to experiment, to learn and to fail/make mistakes. Which is only possible because Syd’s goal and mindset is to provide this type of environment in the kitchen (“I think this place could be so different from all the other places we’ve been at. But, in order for that to be true, we need to run things different”).

In turn, he inspires her to be more considerate (“There was just a hat in it?”) and calm/patient (that’s the way he carries himself in general, which makes his outburst after being rejected so much worse), showing to her since The Beef that she’s no longer alone in her garage running a business all by herself, she has people to rely on now and that is fine to accept/ask for help.

Syd and Richie:

I do feel at times that he’s a bit of a misunderstood character. Of course, there’s no excuse for his actions towards Syd – that’s not even up for debate. His apology to her, as he did to Natalie, is overdue.

Like Carmy, he’s dealing with a lot: the end of his marriage and being a co-parent; the suicide of his best friend (which could be seen as some sort of betrayal, made worse by the fact that Michael left the shop to Carmy, not him); his creeping fear on being left behind, on old age and aimless existing under capitalism and all its implications (“I'm about to have this kid. I don’t wanna be wrapping up sandwiches for the rest of my life”).

He can be a massive asshole when he wants, but he’s not a bad person at his core (his strongest features are his love and loyalty). Most important: he can change. Watching him stepping up to offer Sydney help, after Carmy got stuck in the walk-in, meant a lot to me, honestly. He still has a long, long way to go, but he’s finally trying and opening himself up to learn (which doesn’t mean the road there will be clear and linear, as we glimpsed in the trailer).

It was Carmy’s idea to send him to Ever, but his growth was only possible because of Sydney’s positive influence all around them.

Syd and Carmy:

Then, there’s everything between her and Carmy. How they mirror each other at times; their parallels; yin-yang and all that jazz (I’m not about to recapitulate the entire show). The man said so himself and I couldn’t summarize better, “I couldn’t do it without you. I wouldn’t even wanna do it without you. You make me better at this.”

He wasn’t lying, though.

If Sydney never came back, of the two, one: either he wouldn’t even try to open The Bear – just use the money to improve The Beef (after all, his dream was to open a restaurant with his brother); or he would try, but for obvious reasons it wouldn’t be the same thing – with Syd around he didn’t think twice before slipping back to his old mentality and persona, imagine if she wasn’t around at all?

Carmy has spent far too many years working out of spite, chasing the approval of his brother, centering cooking as his life (something something porcupine dilemma something something the Berzatto curse). Sydney reminded him that there’s more to cooking than this (“I’d look at them like they were competition, like I’m gonna smoke this motherfucker / […] the deeper into this I went and the better I got. And the more people I cut out, the quieter my life got” vs “You love taking care of people / It is a partnership agreement, so that you can push me and I can push you”).

He gave her a second chance with The Bear and has been pushing her to be a better chef since before they met (“it was Carmy’s”) and also be more patient (both directly “Chef, it’s not ready yet” and indirectly [as in dealing with him and his bullshit]). But like Richie, he still has a lot of work to do with himself (as someone with similar mental issues: you have to put in the work to become better and you have to find healthy ways to cope with yourself and the world around you; mental illness explains some things, but doesn’t excuse them).

For their partnership to become perfect, they need balance.

And lots of love.

Sydney Adamu:

As to what makes Sydney so beautiful as a character: she’s so human and alive on our screens. She’s awkward, bit of an asshole/messy, creative and funny; eager and talented, but still harbors insecurities; isn’t afraid to speak her mind or stand her ground when necessary; although she doesn’t shy away from arguing/bickering, she’s not a conflict-driven person; her initial reaction is always to shut in, but if you know how to approach her, she’ll open up to you (as we saw so many times with Carmy); and she, overall, has such a beautiful heart (“Why can’t we put everything that we have into everything that we can?”).

As the seasons progress, we watch all those characters (both main and secondary) evolve and unravel right in front of our eyes. To me, that’s the beauty of The Bear and Sydney is right in the center of it.

[silentcryracha]

Having their first serious argument/fight with Seungmin pls 🙏🙏🙏

HIII ty for the request hun! ~

Pairing : Seungmin x reader (tried to keep it gn)

Summary : Based on prompt: "Having their first serious argument/fight". Requested by anon.

Genre/ Warnings : Other members are mentioned and have girlfriends, some angst, very brief mention of intimacy, use on Yn like twice for ncessity, that's it

A/n : Hello again after like...months. Been having quite a rough time at the start of the year and then I had to work/catch up in uni. Anyways, I opened requests to get me back into writing and thanking you for the support (y'all are almost 1k tf), so feel free to look at the list and send me a prompt + a skz member! You can add a few details, like the vibe or if you specifically prefer gn or f reader.

ps: No beta. Do NOT repost on other socials. Leave feedback if you feel like it, otherwise enjoy! ♡︎

masterlist

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

ONE MONTH AGO

For you it was just another shift at the University's library. Countless students coming and going, sometimes a few teachers too. Around the start of June, when the weather became hot and humid, people were coming in sweaty and all red in the face. It made you feel sorry for them, so you decided to place a big icy carafe of water on the reception counter, so that you could offer clients a glass as they put their signature on the register. Many accepted gladly.

One of them was a quite tall guy, around your age, with dark short hair and bangs, and equally dark brown eyes. You've never seen him before, you thought. Not that you've worked there long, anyway. You greeted him with a polite smile, offering him the water as you asked for his signature. He gave you a small nod and a tight lipped smile back as he politely declined.

'Of course, it'll still be here later if you want. Have a nice time.' you said as he gave back the signatures list.

'Thank you.'

And with that he walked a few tables to the back of the room, with the sunlight hitting right on the desk. He settled with all his books and notes, and then immersed himself in studying.

Out of curiosity you looked down, and saw that his name was Kim Seungmin.

-

During the following days Seungmin came in to the library every day. Sometimes for just a couple of hours, then came back again. Other days he just straight up parked himself at the same table from late morning to closing time, which was around nine pm.

It happened a couple of times that he needed some information, so you gave him it and he always responded politely and then came back to his station. Sometimes he even accepted that glass of water.

But nothing out of the ordinary, which is why it definitely took you by surprise when your co-worker came up to you and, whispering, said 'That guy's been checking you out for a while now, should I worry?'

'What? Who?' you replied, genuinely confused. He nonchalantly nudged his head towards the left side of the room. Your gaze followed, falling exactly on the only male guy sitting there.

'Seungmin? No way!' you exclaimed-whispered back. His eyebrows shoot up, a small smile appearing on his face.

'Oh so you know him?'

'No- yes- I mean, not really. He's been coming here often to study. I only know his name because I saw it on the register. And he asked a few directions, that's it.' you shrugged, crossing your arms.

'Well, whatever it is, he has a hundred percent been checking you out. I started to notice like, three days ago. I thought you did too.' he said, as it was the most obvious thing in world. You didn't know what to say for a few seconds, uncertainly sneaking a look to Seungmin.

Your co-worker stifled a laugh and took over what you were doing, giving you a small push.

'He's cute. I would try it out. You know, to see if he's a creep or just embrassingly shy.' he winked.

FOUR WEEKS AGO

Ever since your co-worker implied that Seungmin might have his eye on you, you were never the same. You also started to make a few 'organizing' trips back and forth to the shelves, sneaking looks here and there. He did seem to be actually working, but you also did catch him at least a couple of times staring back.

So you got kind of excited but then went like, 'What if I am being creepy and he just noticed?' so you got insecure. You even exposed your concerns to your friend, but he swore that he started doing it first. And called you both fools.

It was undeniable that ever since you both locked eyes those few times, now your greetings were a bit more awkward. Until finally, after like four days of this push and pull, you decided to start a conversation. Unless he shut you down immediately, which would sting a bit but at least you'd stop deluding yourself.

So around eight forty pm on a Thursday evening, you approached him. He was still sitting at his designated table, a hand in his, now, messy hair and the glasses slipping a bit on his nose as he looked down.

You swallowed, feeling your throat a bit dry, then cleared it. Seungmin looked up, mouth slightly agape. He waited for you to speak, which you didn't realize at first, so you scrambled trying to save yourself.

'Uhm, hi, It's- uh- it's almost nine. We have to close up.' he closed him mouth, at the realization and quickly stood up, making the chair squeak a bit.

He cringed at himself as he gathered his books and papers.

'I'm sorry, I lost track on time, I'll be out in two minutes.' he apologized. You smiled and waved your hand dismissively.

'Don't apologize. You've been working hard. I'm sure that whatever you're studying for, you'll do great.' your words made him slowly stop in his tracks. He looked up at you with a small smile. Grateful, like he secretly desperately needed some encouragement.

'Final exam. I'm having some trouble with a subejct in particular so I'm...working my ass off, I guess' you chuckled, nodding.

'You definitely are. I'd rather make 1000 work shifts than figure out a subject that I don't get.' he smiled at your honesty. He put away the last book in his leather bag.

You walked him to the exit, but he stopped another second.

'I'm sorry I haven't introduced myself yet, I'm Seungmin.' he extended his hand to you. 'I know', you thought.

'I'm Yn.' you smiled, shaking his hand.

'Thanks for the small talk back there, by the way. I don't remember the last time I didn't speak with a fellow panicked student.' he gave you a lopsided smile, a little shy.

'I understand, don't thank me.' , you paused for a second then decided to shoot your shoot.

'If you're gonna hang around tomorrow around lunch break time, I'll bring a coffe for you too on my way back. I noticed you like it.' you planted your nails in the palm of your hand, cringing. 'Shit, did I just expose myself?'

But, surprisingly, he didn't flinch in disgust and run away. Instead, he took his bottom lip between his teeth, trying to suppress a smile, and nodded.

'Yes, I do. Perhaps too much. But thank you, I'll take that offer gladly.' he responded, 'I like it black with two small sugars, see you tomorrow Yn' he waved you goodbye, leaving you standing there with a stupid smile on your face.

THREE WEEKS AGO

The day after, which was a Friday, as you promised, you showed up to work with two iced coffes. As soon as you arrived you quickly fixed yourself up in the bathroom. The heath and humidity messed up your hair and smudged your make up a bit. You made note to be quick since the coffes were fresh and you didn't want them to melt.

After that you came back out to the counter, avoiding the gaze of your other co-worker, older and with whom you were not close at all, and made your way to Seungmin with the drinks. He noticed you coming right away and smiled shyly, standing up from his chair to greet you.

'Hi' you said, smiling back. You handed him the coffe and he bowed his head grateful.

'Hi. Thank you so much, yn'

'You're welcome, enjoy Seungmin' as you were about to walk back to the counter, he stopped you.

'Hey, do you have time to sit down a while?' you looked around, then back to your co-worker, which didn't seem to be paying attention. Then finally you took a quick glance to the clock on your phone. You still had five minutes before the actual end of lunch break.

'Yes, I have a few minutes'. you exchanged a small smile.

--

Those five minutes were over way too fast. You asked Seungmin how it was going, and he responded that it certainly went better than two weeks ago. He said that he didn't have much left, so you congratulated him and once again reassured him that he would do fine. And you genuinely thought that, because as you were able to understand from your talks he is great student.

You talked about your families, where you grew up, shared some school experiences, how you ended up working at the library and how he ended up choosing his major.

You mostly talked during your breaks or sometimes you would arrive a few minutes earlier than your shift, or as he arrived he'd stop at the counter before going to his table.

If you were honest, it had been a pretty natural evolution. Like your crush was. Oh absolutely. You couldn't tell wether Seungmin also shared your feelings, but he certainly seemed to appreciate talking with you. As friends, if anything.

Until he didn't come at the library anymore. On the first day, while you were kinda disappointed, you just thought that he finally took a day off from studying, or maybe he was just busy somewhere else.

On the second day, well you were even more disappointed. You still tried to focus on work and play it off, 'he just came here to study 'we just made small talk...for like a week straight'

It's obvious that it stung. Your mind was going 100 miles a minute, and you felt stupid for it. Stand up, for God's sake. So you at about the third theory your mind made up, you just went 'what will be will be'. And went on with your day.

On the third day, he still didn't show up. The idea that this was just a random pleasant meeting was starting to settle in your mind, so you kept on focusing on living like you did a week prior. Well, not actually, since you have 'known' Seungmin by sight for at least three weeks? But you didn't really speak.

A sudden rush of embarassment shot through you for some reason, making you pretend you didn't see him. Or were (not) secretly waiting for him...

You almost made yourself laugh at how you started to gaslight yourself into thinking that you actually made the conversations up. Would be a pretty funny, sad or creepy script. Depending on point of views.

That is, until five forty pm that same afternoon. You almost dropped the books you were re-organizing on a shelf when you recognized the young man enter the library with the corner of your eye. He was looking around. For you...maybe?

Your eyes went back on the books in front of you, as you resumed your task.

"Yn?" ah, shit.

"Seungmin? Hi!" your head turned towards him, as you tried to not betray yourself with your voice.

"Hi. You busy?" he asked with a smile, then caught himself before you could reply "Ah, sorry. You're working, of course you're busy. Eh"

You couldn't help but chuckle at his bashfulness, waving a hand to dismiss his statement.

"It's a Saturday, we close at six. So I have about...twenty-ish minutes 'til I'm off." you replied, then adding "You need some info?"

He looked lost for a second, like a puppy, but after a couple of seconds it hit him and his shy smile came back.

"Ah no, no. I'm done. I gave the exam so I'm done a hundred percent." you squealed a bit, jokingly.

"Congrats! Did it go well?"

"Yes, it did. Very well. Did not get the highest possible grade, but enough on the higher scale to consider myself satisfied. It was a tough one." his pride showed in his tone, which made you smile.

"It was all thanks to my magic daily coffe, actually" his eyebrow rose and his mouth slightly gaped in shock. Then he laughed.

"I'm sure it was" , his expression turned a bit more serious "So magical, I think you should show me this wondrous place." his tone hinted at something. Something that of course you didn't grasp, because instead of flirting back, you pulled out Google maps.

"Sure, let me just look it up-" his hand came up, almost touching yours holding the phone, but then retracted. Seungmin emitted a small, embarassed, laugh.

"No- I meant- I.." he laughed again, dragging a hand across his face, "I'm not the best at this but, okay. I was asking you out. That's- yeah that's it."

The hand holding your phone dropping to your side slowly as he talked, mainly for shock. Damn, you were hoping for it but that was actually more straightforward than you would've expected from him.

"Oh!" you exclaimed, also laughing. At this point out of nervousness or embarassment, you didn't know.

"Seungmin I'm literally so stupid, I'm sorry. The heat and exhaustion must've took its toll on me" you replied, trying to play it off, then quickly added "Yes, by the way. I would love to spend some time with you."

He bit his lip to stifle a chuckle, then nodded with a smile at your response.

"I'm very glad to hear it", Seungmin responded, "How about tomorrow afternoon? We could meet up here and walk together if it's okay with you."

"Yes, sounds perfect", you smiled shyly.

ONE WEEK AGO

You and Seungmin have been officially seeing each other for two weeks now. Key word officially. If you count the meeting, sneaking looks and finally talking like normal people, that would count as almost a whole month.

Ever since your first, cute, coffe date, you have been seeing frequently. You were often working, while he was now free, so he was the one to come to you most times.

That would happen every day at least once. He'd either come see you for a while, giving you company as you worked. Or he would accompany you hom when your shift ended. Aside from the real dates, of course. You've been out for breakfast, lunch and dinner, you went to the movies, walked in the city park, went for ice cream.

And one day, he surprised you. Last sunday he told you to get ready wearing something comfortable and fresh, and just bring yourself. So cute, you thought. And he did not disappoint!

When he picked you up with his car, he drove you to a park. Not your usual city park, which was still beautiful but quite crowded. He brought you to another park, about five minutes away from the city, that was huge and near a lake.

Some people were there, families and couples or simply loners. But it could not compare in fact of crowding and it also felt quite...untouched. Aside from a few benches and drinking fountains, there was nothing man-made.

With one hand he held one of yours, and with the other he was carrying a large bag, like a gym bag.

"Min, it's so beautiful here" you commented dreamily as you watched the pretty ducks and a couple white swans swimming peacefully in the water.

"One of my friends organizes group studies here sometimes. But it's so romantic, I'm sure Hyunjin took his girlfriend here a few times. He's a romantic." he explained, poking a little fun at his friend, making you chuckle.

"And are you?" he turned to gaze at you.

"What?" he asked softly, finally stopping to a perfect spot. Under a huge willow that provided some shelter from the sun, as well as being a few meters awauy from the water.

"Are you a romantic?" you smiled a bit as you watched him bend down to take out the stuff from the bag. He stifled a smiled, then shook his head.

"Nah, I don't think anyone would describe me as that. Quite the opposite actually." you bent down as well to help him set up the picnic.

"You sure? I mean, you did bring your girlfriend to a surprise picnic in the park with swan view so..." you shrugged, jokingly. He rolled his eyes as he settled on the blanket, holding out a hand for you.

"Maybe it's the girlfriend influence. Put a spell on me." you chuckled, sitting down beside him.

"Maybe." you exchanged a sweet look.

-

That same day, around nine pm when it was finally getting dark, you packed up your stuff and Seungmin brought you back home. He then accompanied you to your doorstep, like a true gentleman.

"Thank you so much for today. It was amazing. You, are amazing." he shook his head gently, looking down as you said it.

"Ah, don't thank me. It was just some sandwiches and some grass." he responded, but then cringed at himself. You couldn't help but give him a light slap on the chest and laugh at that.

"Oh, well. there goes mr. romantic I guess!" he laughed along.

"Told you!"

"Well," you repeated ironically, "Thank you for whatever it was. Food and grass or whatver, 'kay?" he gave you a small smile, nodding.

"Okay, I'll take it. Thank you for spending time with me.", he paused, then shyly looked down and up at your face, "I have one more surprise. If you close your eyes."

Your mouth went slightly agape as you looked back into his sweet dark eyes. You didn't respond, instead just nodded and then closed your eyes as he asked.

After a few seconds you felt him step forward, closer. Then he took one of your hand in his, while placing the other on your cheek. So light you barely felt his skin.

And then, finally, he slowly, but not too much, leaned in and pressed his lips on yours. Again, the touch was so light, like he was afraid to hurt you. So you took matter in your own hands, pressing completely against his lips and bringing your free hand to his cheek as well.

You exchanged a sweet kiss, not longer than a couple of minutes. Lips moving, but not more than that. It was your first ever kiss. It was perfectly fine for that time.

As you parted lips gently, you both found yourselves smiling and blushing so hard. Maybe a bit too much for being twenty years old, but who cares. You were who you were, and things were still quite fresh. Maybe you didn't want to rush it like some others did, and that's okay-

Seungmin made sure that you got in your parent's house okay before driving away with a stupid smile on his face.

--

A couple of days later you meet up at your, now favorite, coffe place to pick up a drink as you took a stroll and figured out what to do. Neither mentioned the kiss yet per se, but you were definitely a bit more giddy around each other. Like you were in your little, cute, pink stained, bubble. Which was broken as you were standing in line.

"Hey, Min!" you both turned to look back, hearing a guy's voice call out for him. It was two young men, surely your age. One had ginger long-ish hair and the other had shoulder lenght blonde hair. As they walked closer, Seungmin released your hand.

You looked up at him, but he seemed to not have noticed. He looked taken aback. The guys exchanged half hugs, while you took a step back.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Seungmin asked them, both hands suddenly in his jeans' back pockets.

"Well...it's a coffe shop. We're here for coffe. Or iced tea, in my case. You know I don't like that bitter shit." the blonde one replied, a bit sarcastically. The ginger one suddenly seemed to notice you, standing a bit back, waiting patiently for your drink. And maybe something else.

"What about you? You here alone?" he proceeded to ask. The dark haired guy, also seemed to get whiplash, and got a bit confused when he turned to the side and didn't see you there.

He extended his arm, inviting you to step forward.

"Felix, Jeongin, this is yn. Yn, Felix- " he gestured to the blonde guy, "- And Jeongin. My friends." he finished the introduction pointing to the redhead. They both smiled at you politely, offering their hands. You shook them and gave a polite, but unfortunately slightly fake, smile back.

"Nice to meet you." of course you heard about them. Well, Seungmin did name-drop a few people and talked about various different episodes, but didn't quite get into detail about any of them.

"Nice to meet you, too" Jeongin replied, eyes sharp because of his dimply smile.

"Are you the 'someone' Seungmin is seeing, then?" Felix continued, addressing you both as his gaze traveled. He was humorous, but not in a mocking way. Yet, you did not respond. You wanted to see what he was gonna say.

"Yes, she is my girlfriend, you asshole. Like there would be anyone else." you looked down, suddenly feeling his warm palm back in yours. You smiled a bit, relieved. Your mind was already about to start stirring up nonsense.

"Min, you know how this piece of..." Jeongin spared you a quick look before changing his vocabulary.

"This piece of work...is." with that being said he gave his friend a pat on the back and congratulated you both. Just as you were thanking him, the names associated to your orders were called, so Seungmin rushed to the other side of the counter to pick them up.

"Hey, yn, it's actually funny meeting you both here since I wanted to plan a cuples kinda date at the Festival on friday. It's a fair like thing, you know, finger food, rides and shit." Felix explained lazily, "And I wanted to ask Seungmin if you two were up for it. But since you're here, I'm asking you. What do you think, yn?"

"Yeah, why not. You said on friday, right? Perfect."

TODAY, FRIDAY

It was finally fair day. You were nervous, if you had to be honest. Because you'll be meeting new people. Because you'll be meeting people that already know each other. And because you're gonna do it with your boyfriend. Ever since that interaction with Felix and Jeonjin, and Seungmin's reaction...you've been a bit off. Of course you and him kept all your dates and stuff, and there didn't seem to be any difference in him. So maybe, once again, you asked yourself "What if it's me? Am I paranoid? Am I just insecure?". And yeah... you were insecure with yourself, in general.

Whatever it was, you tried to calm yourseld down as much as you could. Blasting music as you picked an outfit, did your hair and make up. You pampered yourself a bit, as they say.

At eight pm sharp Seungmin rang you phone, and you answered with a quick 'be right there' and hung up. You dropped your phone in your perfectly outfit-matched purse. Then took one last look at yourself in the mirror to check for any issues, but there weren't any, so you sighed deeply and walked down the stairs repeating your pep talk to yourself.

Then when you were finally out of the house, Seungmin was waiting outside of the car, leaning on it while looking at his phone.

"Let's go" you said as you walked down to the car, opening the door to the passenger seat. Seungmin quickly joined you inside on driver's seat. He carefully watched around as he got out of his parking spot and then he started driving.

--

The car ride was quite silent. Not necessarily uncomfortably so, just quiet. As soon as you got there Seungmin made sure to get your door for you this time. He opened the car door and then offered you a hand. You accepted it as you got out, fixing your skirt.

You could already hear the music, the loud voices and even the sweet smell of the food from the fair. You must've been quite close.

"C'mon, Felix texted me that they're waiting just at the entrance." He said, and you nodded.

You walked together and we're soon met with the sight of not two, but three couples. In total, from your perspective, a group of six strangers. You took a deep breath.

"Hey, sorry, there was some traffic" Seungmin apologized, exchanging his usual greetings with his friends. One of them, you didn't know.

"Yeah, 'traffic'" one of the girls laughed, clearly implying something more intimate caused the delay. But it was just, in fact, traffic. That made you feel uncomfortable.

Seungmin must've felt the same, so he brushed her off.

"Anyways, this is Yn, my girlfriend. Yn this is my friend Jisung, the other two you have already met. And those are their partners." He introduced you to Jisung and you shook hands with all of them.

After that you all just kind of went around the fair, from sellers stands, to precision games, strength games, a few stops for salty and sweet food. You were having a pretty nice time.

You didn't talk much, but it didn't bother you. You were shy, and you were not part of this already established group. You and Seungmin though...you barely exchanged a word. And it's not like he was ignoring you for someone else either. He was also quite shy and non talkative.

But the thing that actually put a little crack in your heart each time it happened, is how you noticed the other couples being so different from you two.

From the way that they had no issue teasing each other to no end, be handsy and touchy, sharing clothes when someone was cold, sharing food in intimate ways, jumping on each other to play around. They looked really happy.

So you couldn't quite put a finger on what was most upsetting for you at that moment.

Was is the fact that none of those typical couple behaviors were replicated by Seungmin? Was it the fact that seeing people being so close to each other made you feel like you shouldn't be there? Did you feel left out? Were you jealous? Did you want what they had or were they overwhelming you?

Your head was starting to heat up, and just as you were about to say that you needed some 'uncrowded' air, Seungmin spoke first.

"Hey, me and Yn are going for a ride on the ferry wheel. You guys don't wait for us, alright?" Everyone nodded and acknowledged his words. Then they waved to you both.

You shyly waved back as you walked away with your boyfriend.

"Thank you...I need some air" you said, to which he responded by wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

"Me too, let's go relax in the sky a bit, okay?" You didn't answer back as it was a rethorical question.

You spent a couple of minutes in line, until a new round was announced. So Seungmin gave the man a ticket and then helped you step up the platform. The assistant prepared a two seat carriage for you, then helped you secure it and settle in.

"Have a nice time"

--

As soon as you were high on the ferry wheel, the first pause was called. So you were stuck. You were still silent, looking over the view and basically trying to relax.

"So...are you having a nice time?" You scoffed at his question. Seungmin was confused.

"Am I having a nice time? Really?" You retorted, bitterly. He frowned, dead serious.

"Is it such a weird question to ask? Is something wrong?" He kept going. The more he opened his mouth the more annoyed you got. He really didn't realize how he has been treating, or well, not treating you?

"I should probably ask that to you. Is something wrong?", you mocked, " What is it, uh? Are you embarassed of me? Is it because we so painfully and clearly didn't fuck yet? Is that why? "

Seungmin widened his eyes in shock. He doesn't think he has ever heard you talk like this. In fact, you have never even had an argument before. Is that what was happening ?

"Yn, call down. What are you talking about? Why would I be embarrassed of you, are you crazy?" His bitterness was starting to match yours.

"Crazy? Nah I'm quite sure I didn't imagine you not making the slightest effort to make me feel included, or simply cared of all night." Your eyes were starting to well up with tears, so you had to look down as you talked, trying not to full on cry.

"You didn't even try to do a single thing that the other couples did. Didn't offer me your jacket, hell didn't even ask if I was cold in the first place." , you shook your head in disappointment, " Didn't offer nor share food, didn't hold my hand. Kiss my cheek. Kiss me. You didn't even introduce me as you girlfriend. 'Yn'. Who the fuck is even yn, I could well be your damn cousin for all that matters!" when you were finally done getting everything off your chest, you just turned away from him, hiding your trembling lips with your hand.

There were a few minutes of silence after that. The only sounds that you heard were the screams of happy kids on the rides, laughter, general confused conversation and music. But it was quite far. Like you were watching it all unfold from high above. Which you were, but the ferry wheel wasn't that tall. It was mostly about the feeling of alienation.

"I'm sorry Yn." Seungmin's voice startled you a bit. You remained alert but didn't turn around, yet.

"I know you won't believe me, but I didn't even notice. Or, well, I noticed how they were behaving. Of course I did." , he paused and sighed, "I guess that I couldn't make you feel included because I, myself, didn't feel like it.” at that point your turned around, still not looking up. But you wanted him to know that you were listening to him.

"You know, I wasn't kidding when I said that I wasn't a romantic. You are my first girlfriend. Not first crush, but first real girlfriend. I finally thought that I was man enough to be what a girl deserved to have at her side, but now I realize sadly that maybe I am still that cynical, scared to express his feelings, child." He spoke with sadness and disappointment in his voice.

You desperately wanted to hug him and comfort him, but you knew that now it was important for both of you to have this conversation. And for him to open up.

"I noticed you. I noticed how uncomfortable you seemed to be, and that made me even more anxious and sad. But I would've never thought that it was because you thought that I didn't want you here or I was embarrassed of you. I honestly thought the opposite. Maybe because of the confidence and freedom and chemistry they have."

"But we have it too, yn. They are full on fireworks, volcanoes. They shine so bright because they had the time to get there. We are merely a delicate, little candle. Our little light that has yet to grow. And I don't know if maybe you expect more or wanted more from me, but I am happy to go at our place if you are." He sniffled a bit but tried to catch himself quickly, "Please forgive me."

And at that point you couldn't hold it anymore, you cried as you hugged him tight. He hugged you too, caressing your hair with one of his hands to soothe you.

"I'm so sorry I was shit to you" you cried on his chest. His chest trembled a bit, but it wasn't from crying. He was laughing softly.

"No you were right. If I made you feel like shit then it's your right to tell me. I'm sorry." He kissed your head, " I am not embarrassed of you. You are stunning, educated, smart, funny and you're perfect for me. We understand each other, do we not?"

"Yes, we do." You replied, leaning back to look at his face. He still has shiny eyes but he didn't cry. You placed your hand on his cheek, and he nuzzled it gently with his nose.

"Everything that you said it's true. We are still so new. We only had one kiss, for god's sake. And not even with tongue!" He chuckled, squinting his eyes in bashfulness.

"We don't need to conform nor fake for anyone. We have out own pace and that's okay. And no, I was never once disappointed in you Seungmin. I'm so fond of you. I love the way you think, the way you speak, the way you treat me with so much respect. That's why I think tonight was a bit of a whiplash."

"I'm sorry" he repeated, but you shook you head and took both of his cheeks in your hands. His eyes found yours.

"Enough of that. I'm actually really glad that we talked like adults and sorted it out. You agree?" He nodded, a small smile appearing on his lips.

"I'd really like to say something right now, but I want to save it for another occasion." He said, and you nodded as well, understanding what he meant.

"It's okay, I agree"

"I would like to show you my affection in another way, though. If you'll have me." His knuckles caressed your cheek. You smiled, taking the lead.

"I think I know what you mean..." And with that you leaned in and closed the space between your lips.

He smiled in the kiss and cupped your face, starting to move his lips. But this time, from lips, you moved on to tiny licks, soft bites and then a full on make out session.

Both of you were so lost in the moment, probably releasing the tension, that you didn't hear the announcement that the ride was over.

Instead, you got startled by the carriage moving down. So much in fact that you hugged each other tight, then laughed. You were so happy at that moment, you didn't want to break your happy bubble again.

"How about we go home and spend a cozy night in with movies and snacks?" You asked, leaning your head on his shoulder.

"Enough adventures for today?" He joked. You nodded and he chucked, kissing your head.

"Alright. I'm gonna text Jeongin that we're wrapping up. Then we can go home and do again whatever we were doing now." He stated, making you giggle.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Hope you enjoyed! Interact if you did, you'd do wonders for my writer self esteem lol

See you at the next! 🤍

[longing-for-rain]

Playing Soldier: How Sokka’s Arc is Misunderstood

Katara: Ever since Mom died, I’ve been doing all the work around camp while you’ve been off playing soldier!

There seems to be this idea among certain fans that Sokka acted as a “father” or “older brother” figure throughout the series, but this is a very shallow read that neglects Sokka’s arc and the intricacies of it.

While yes, on the surface, Sokka is literally the older brother of Katara, I think her description of his role at the beginning of the series as “playing soldier” is spot-on accurate. I also think it’s significant that this is said directly after the audience is introduced to Sokka’s misogyny, another key part of his mindset at the beginning of his arc. These things are very much related, and I don’t think this gets discussed enough. Misogyny isn’t a minor character flaw; it’s a toxic mindset that influences how a person acts.

You see, much like the fans who perceive Sokka as the authority figure of the group, Sokka himself perceives his role this way. He holds himself as the protector and leader of his tribe, despite doing hardly any of the real, tangible, day-to-day work to support the tribe in comparison to Katara. He’s the man, so in his mind, this means he holds the authority and that his ideas and tasks are inherently more important. We even see this in the opening scene—he ignores the fact that Katara has pretty much already caught a fish using her waterbending because his way is correct, he’s more important, he’s the man, then he messes up and disrupts Katara in the process. And then, promptly jumps into a sexist rant against her blaming her for ruining his moment.

Before someone jumps on my back about bashing, I’m not. I’m addressing how Sokka’s canon character was in the beginning. There cannot be growth without a suboptimal starting point. I’m addressing the fact that initially, Sokka has a misogynistic attitude which fuels his idea that he’s the leader and the most important person despite…not doing a lot.

What we do see Sokka doing is very much what I would describe as playing soldier—just like Katara accused him. He ultimately is just a kid, he has no idea how to actually lead, so he’s emulating behaviors he’s observed.

This is pretty blatant in the show. His “soldiers” and “watchtower” are a bunch of kids and a snow fort. He quite literally is playing. It seems silly at first, but we see the tragedy in this when a real threat actually arrives.

This is Sokka’s moment. His first real test. He dresses up in full regalia, prepared to fight and defend his tribe as the great protector he’s professed himself to be. And then…he gets effortlessly swatted aside by Zuko. He’s so little of a threat that Zuko doesn’t even need to firebend to defeat him.

Because, at this point, all Sokka had ever done was play soldier. He hadn’t faced a real threat, and as a result, could do absolutely nothing when one arrived. He’s fortunate that Zuko lacked the cruelty of other Fire Nation commanders like Zhao and kept his word that he cared about finding the Avatar only. If it was Zhao? Sokka and many of the villagers would have been killed.

However, despite this initial humiliation, Sokka clings to this idea that he is the “leader” and should be listened to by virtue of being the oldest…and being male.

I do like the Kyoshi Warriors arc and believe it’s significant, but “Suki beat the sexism out of Sokka, he’s all better now!” is far too simplistic. It’s not realistic at all for a deep seated attitude like that to change, and it continues coming up throughout the series.

There are many incidents of this throughout the series. For example, in B1E10: Jet, where Sokka demands that the group travel on foot because he’s the “leader”…and promptly leads them straight into a Fire Nation army camp. It’s the same theme of the very beginning—Sokka puts himself into a role he isn’t prepared for, and makes a blunder. He’s still playing soldier.

While, again, often played for laughs, this behavior is fairly consistent with Sokka. He has his moments, but more often than not, we see him trying and comically failing at his supposed role of protector and provider.

Meanwhile, as I’ve discussed in much more detail before, it is Katara who is truly carrying the group, despite Sokka generally having a dismissive attitude towards her and the work she does for others.

However, on some level, even Sokka himself recognizes that Katara is truly the one serving the parental role.

Sokka: I'm not sure I can remember what my mother looked like. It really seems like my whole life, Katara's been the one looking out for me. She's always been the one that's there. And now, when I try to remember my mom, Katara's is the only face I can picture. (B3E7: The Runaway)

This is closer to the end as well, and even though it isn’t particularly explicit, I do believe that Sokka gradually learning humility gave him a compelling arc to become the person he was at the end in comparison to the insecure misogynist in the making he began as.

It’s gradual, but I think the best representation of it is in the Sokka episode: Sokka’s Master.

Sokka: And I know one thing for sure: I have a lot to learn.

This is what ultimately convinces Piandao to accept Sokka as his student, and narratively it is significant to Sokka’s character. In order to truly grow and develop true skill, Sokka has to acknowledge that he isn’t the person he has been holding himself to be. He has to acknowledge that he isn’t his father. He has to acknowledge he’s been…playing soldier.

And that’s the beauty of Sokka’s arc, to me. Because he wasn’t a father figure, despite the fact that he was very clearly trying to emulate his father. He was forced to grow up too fast, but he wasn’t parentified like Katara. He tried and failed to assume that role and this made him insecure.

Sokka’s arc isn’t about parentification, and it’s certainly not meant to show that he actually was a father figure. No; Sokka’s arc is learning that he has his own worth because of who he is, not from trying to measure up to someone else. He finds his own unique identity and skill set in a world of magic and benders. That’s an insightful and interesting arc, and feeding into Book 1 Sokka’s delusions that he truly was a father figure looking out for everyone else really overlooks that.

[patriarchyslut18]

I'm a proud gender traitor, even to my own friends. Story time...

Most of my friends don't know i've abandoned feminism and actively crave and support right wing, misogynistic men. I got lunch with a long time friend a couple months ago who started complaining about her boyfriend, apparently she thought he might be cheating on her and to top it off, she says that one time she was blowing him, he held her down on it without air while he came, despite her fighting to push him off. She said how it was basically sexual assault and how she wanted to break up with him because he was becoming more and more abusive due to a porn addiction. Slapping her during sex, spanking harder, choking her, spitting on her etc. I kind of nodded along with her, still trying to not expose my real thoughts to a close friend.

Fast forward a few weeks, i go out to drinks with this same friend. She was telling me she'd started withholding sex as punishment to him, they'd gone from sex most days to once a week and she said it was working, he was tamer during sex, less abusive and she was starting to enjoy it more. The whole time i was thinking about this poor man, this entitled bitch (one of my closest friends) thought she was better than him, that she could control him, a man. I hate women like this now. She is what's wrong with the world. So as the night goes on, we drink more and more, get pretty wasted but i encourage her to have more than me and she's not a girl who needs much encouraging to drink, so she gets blackout wasted, i'm pretty drunk but not so bad that i can't function. I call her BF and ask him to come pick us up from the bar, i can tell over the phone he's pissed that she got so drunk. He arrives and helps me put her in the back seat, out cold. I get in the front and we drive back to their place. I was angling my cleavage to him the whole ride home, flirting, telling him how great of a boyfriend he was to help her. Praising everything about him.

We pull up to their apartment block, we both carry her to the elevator, to their door and into their apartment, taking her and laying her in the recovery position on their bed. As we put her there, he's gotten sick of the work it's taken to move her and i took the opportunity to fan the flames. Apologizing to him, agreeing that she's selfish for making him baby her and that i feel sorry for him, that he doesn't deserve to have to put with it. That she doesn't deserve him. That she's become more selfish and entitled lately and i don't know why i'm still friends with her. Saying anything to connect us against her. I finally get what i want, he calls her a bitch, i agree without hesitation, encouraging him to let his hate for her flow. We go back and forth, talking about the things she does that annoy us, every little bad thing she's ever done. I'm so close to him on the couch by this point, my legs up resting against his. My hand on his leg, he puts his hand on my knee, i start to make out with him, straddle him, grind on him as we do. I was insta wet from his big hands groping at my ass. I slide down, taking his pants with me, kneeling between his legs and get to work sucking his cock. i didn't hold back, i gagged myself without him needing to, told him to slap me, he did, i told him harder, he almost knocked me over. I kept sucking, trying harder the rougher he was to me, wanting to reward him for abuse, make him forget all the shit my friend was trying to teach him. He grabbed my head with both hands and fucked my face without me even asking, i could tell he had so much pent up aggression and desire that my bitch firend wasnt letting him release. He pulled me off his cock and threw me over the couch in one motion, even though he's much bigger than me, his strength still surprised me, i felt like a ragdoll. He moved behind me and fucked my brains out, spanking me red, pulling my hair, choking me. I moaned the types of moans you just can't make up or suppress, the type of moans you only get from being completely lost in the moment. This whole time we can hear my friend snoring from the bedroom, the door was open and neither of us cared or made any effort to try and be quiet. Neither of us cared if she woke up. She deserved this, she did this to herself, thinking she was better than him. He didn't even warn me before he buried himself balls deep and pumped his load inside me, choking me with both hands as he did. He didn't have to, he knew i was his toy.

Finally he pulled out of me and i could barely move, leaking his cum, my whole body in a mixture of overwhelming pleasure and pain. He told me i was better than her which gave me such an intense feeling of pride and happiness. I told him he deserved a girl who would submit to his needs.

Eventually i slept on the couch, he went to bed. Two weeks after, i get messages from my friend telling me she's sure he's cheating, he's gone back to his old ways of being disrespectful. I showed him these texts the next time i saw him (that day) and got him to read out the whole conversation while i sucked his cock. He was fucking me on the side almost every day since that night. Every time i encouraged his abusive side to come out, made him know that it was okay, that is was his right as a man to do what he wanted. We would laugh at her behind her back.

Fast forward to last night. I get a tirade of messages and missed calls from my long time friend. She found out i was draining her man's balls religiously. It was his apartment so she got thrown out (lol), i ignored her and went to be his toy again that very night, finally staying the night.

She may have been one of my best friends for nearly 10 years, but I can get new friends, and i'll probably fuck their boyfriends and husbands too. I think i've developed a homewrecking kink from this. Nothing turns me on more than betraying my own gender and serving superior men.

No friendship, no matter how close or long it is, feels better than serving an alpha male's throbbing abusive cock.

[satubby]

[Once upon a dream: Where you were happy]

As once in the dream, where you forgot your memories by my side, I will still be waiting for you, so please just don't forget who you were … My precious daughter of man - Malleus Draconia

[Disclaimer: This may contain errors so I'm sorry if they bother you or confuse you when reading. I didn't think this would be so long, I will finish part 3 in a few weeks. Thanks for your support, credits to the fanart I use, if I find their artists I'll post them.]

Morning was rising outside but the curtains cast shadows in your room, then the doors opened and the maids came into your room, they were all making as much noise as ever, you sigh exhaustedly refusing to look at them. "Come on princess, get up, today is your 16th birthday" One of them said, pulling you out of bed.

"I'm coming, I'm coming... It's too early for this" You sigh, getting up and heading to the powder room, you swallowed your bitterness smiling like the 'worthy and pretty princess' you were, then the maids. did their job starting to comb your hair. Your gaze was distant and you constantly clutched your dress, you were beautiful yes, but you honestly didn't care.

"Ouch, damn it" You whisper, feeling their eyes constantly on the back of your head. 

"Watch your mouth princess" murmured one, they continued brushing your hair and making you presentable, they always made sure you looked good. As you sat there, the doors opened again and a tall figure walked in. It was the housekeeper serving the queen, she entered haughty and powerful, all the maids in your service began to murmur. "Please hurry princess, you wouldn't want to embarrass the emperor and empress, would you?" 

You almost wanted to wring his neck but you knew better than to do stupid things. So you stood up without paying attention to his 'reprimand' and bowed your body politely, bowing your head as well, after all, you were a princess without any power.

 "Yes, thank you for letting me know...I assure you I only wish the best for the kingdom and the imperial family" She looks you with that very, very stiff and bitter face. After that incident like every morning, you moved towards the emperor's castle because you lived in the empress castle, farther than any other room, you used to live in the basement where they put weapons and old stuff but it was something. 

Walking down the hall, your arrival is announced, with trumpets and a red carpet. You know they're just pretending, no one gives a shit if you got in or not.

"ATTENTION!!! THIS IS THE INCOMING HEIR PRINCESS!" closing your eyes you enter with dignity as you were taught, you felt the pressure on your being before those judging eyes of the pompous nobles, so you tried not to look bad. Some looked at you with barely concealed disgust, others simply didn't look at you and the rest whispered like silly little birds cackling incessantly amidst rumors and gossip. 

Your strides echoed with the sound of the floor as you walked towards the rulers of this place you hated to call home; the looks they gave you were either filled with disgust or filled with envy as they stepped aside to make way for you. The hall in front of you slowly filled with people after you walked away and approached the throne on the platform. 

The emperor was sitting upright on his throne, next to him was the empress, looking majestic and presumptuous, as always. The empress smiled slightly as you knelt before them, both extended their hands waiting for a kiss from you, most of all it was the woman before you who gave you that silent command.

The empress stroked your hair with false kindness when you complied with her order, still with her smile on her face she continued to enjoy your humiliation, it disgusted you to look like a mere dog... And the emperor didn't even do anything, he never really cared about you. 

"Happy sixteenth birthday my dear.... Now I hope you won't do anything to make us sad; or would you like to see her highness disappointed?" Her lips brushed your lobe warning you with sincere malice, then she walked away from you smiling as if nothing had happened, you didn't even react, you knew what she wanted, you wouldn't give her that.

"Thank you for- Your worries, your highness and beloved emperor.... I wish you good vibes and I hope you live long!" With those words, you forced a forced smile swallowing your little pride and the bile in your throat felt bitter. You sincerely praised yourself, since you were good at acting, you had to do it if you wanted to survive. 

Again the emperor looked at you without interest and gave you permission to leave, so you did and like every year, you were alone on your birthday, the gifts were not really for you, much less was this party... And honestly you had long ago stopped giving it importance. 

Once he gave you permission to leave, you could leave the throne room and get away from this heavy atmosphere that only made you feel sick and want to vomit because of so much hypocrisy in the air. Although before you managed to get out of sight you could hear the nobles start whispering and gossiping behind your back. 

They were noisy, much louder than a rooster would be at morning crowing time, but what could you do? Nothing and just thinking about them gave you headaches. You continue down the halls, with a couple of maids walking behind you who don't care for you either. They never really liked you, so they just followed you as their job ordered, even you wouldn't want to be with yourself, you were a bitter mess. 

"Please leave me alone, okay? I need air" You turned around stopping at the entrance towards a balcony. They look at you confused but they care so little about you that they better bow and leave, you on the other hand headed for the nearby balcony, stretching your legs and leaning your body against the marble railing.

Looking down at the ground, you let out sighs and snorts, then unleash your usual attitude of resignation and rebellion, only being alone you can say or do the little you can, the little freedom you had.  

 "Fuck those fucking nobles, I didn't even want to come— Fucking loudmouths, they're just vultures hoping I'm wrong, honestly... GO TO THE FUCK THEM ALL!! That fucking housekeeper, the emperor and the fucking empress!.... Anyway, I hope this day ends soon"

You let your head fall on your shoulders, looking resigned to your situation, you were sick of following these stupid rules. A lady doesn't do this, a lady doesn't do that— You are at your limit and yet you can only complain to yourself or suffer your punishments. 

Your eyes unconsciously looked at parts of your body, you bit your lips in frustration.... Those scars still hurt, but you had to bear them because that made you a princess- Although honestly you always had that doubt, Did princesses really do that? In your stories it was something else. But laughing, remind yourself that they are just that, stories annnnd, since you were a child you didn't know who you were before coming here, you were always told what to say or do, as you were foolish and naive, you blindly followed in fear of that damned bitch of an empress. 

You were the puppet in her theatrical play, used and punished if something didn't go her way. Sometimes you wanted to kill her, but you'd rather keep your neck in your body. No one would help a dirty blood like you, a stupid girl with no connection or power whatsoever plus your stupid insignificant elven powers weren't even strong you could only heal scrapes or make little lights because according to rumors; your dead mother wasn't a complete elf. 

"These heels burn so much, maybe I should throw them away... But that damn woman will punish me if I do. It's a real shame my birthday sucks and the weather is so nice, which is ironic because I'm a mess."

You drop your body onto a nearby table, playing with your fingers, you didn't know at what point you started to fall asleep. 

While you were dozing on that table, lost in a kind of dream, you began to feel like you were floating in the air, reality became a dream and vice versa. At some point you opened your eyes in a strange place, it was all white and there was only you, but your body was shining, as if the stars had given you their remains to make you shine.

Your thoughts are interrupted by the giggling of a little girl, a very familiar one, that hair and tattered clothes were familiar even though you couldn't see her face. 

"Hello? ... How strange, I swore I heard something-"

You scratched your eyes thinking you were still hallucinating. You had just fallen asleep and didn't know how you got here. 

"Haha... Nyum!"

There it was again, that childish giggle attracted you again, then turning towards where it came from, you saw a completely white silhouette standing in the middle of the void. 

"Hey girl, what are we doing in this place and-? Wait!" You exclaimed starting to follow her, as she started to run, the emptiness started to change. 

The more you ran, the more it changed, the ground felt soft as you now stepped on clouds. Tall mirrors filled your vision like a maze, then again you heard the girl's giggle. 

"Haha! You can't catch me.."

Your eyes followed her silhouette in confusion, she was as energetic and elusive as... You, from childhood. You didn't know why, but you began to follow her, all these hallways of mirrors reflected both figures. 

"Girl don't run! Ugh, just tell me what this place is, fuck I just wanted to sleep and I ended up here!"

Sighing tired from so much running, you stop to rest, however something caught your attention; some mirrors were worn or broken, others simply had nothing to reflect. 

And the farther away you went the darker this place became, you two glowed as the darkness swallowed you. Then you see her entering a specific mirror, it was full of thorns and wilted roses, this place was silent, her giggling stopped being heard, slowly you went towards that mirror. 

"That girl- How strange, she took me all this way just to see this mirror?"

You whisper without understanding this strange dream, if it was one to begin with. 

So lost were you in your thoughts, that you don't even notice when your hand goes through the mirror and you are swallowed by it, unlike others, this mirror is dark as much as the the glass it was made of as its withered wooden frame. 

Screaming as you fall, you feel the air seep into your tresses shaking and making a mess of it, your dress suddenly changed as you landed in a brutish thump.

With pain in your body, you slowly got up spitting grass, that strange fall made you feel like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. Slowly you could stand up on your own feet, you were without shoes which seemed strange but what did you expect? This dream is strange in itself. 

"I must stop getting so much in my head— come to think of it, where did that mirror take me?"

You turned around looking at your surroundings, however the girl glimpsed out of the corner of your eye again, laughing at you and making you angry. 

"HEY COME BACK HERE YOU SHATTERING BRAT!"

Now you felt like the empress every time you yelled at the silhouette. Fuck! Some habits stick with people. 

She kept running into the mist of this dark forest, with you following behind her, the branches on your feet and the wildlife of the place making you scrape, but it didn't matter. You wanted to know how to get out of this place. 

"Jijiji! I'm faster than you..." Whispered the brat, her silhouette running and when you finally came out of the dark forest, the light filled her eyes blinding you. When the effect passed, you stopped thinking for an instant, this whole place was magnificent and magical, but the girl was gone. 

In its place, the vast tulip field filled your view, in the middle of it and far away on the hill, lay a beautiful oak tree the size of the most pompous castle presumably held by royalty. 

Mesmerized by this magnificence, you walked down the hill, it was a few more meters but something guided you to the oak tree. The closer you got, you heard a deep and melancholic voice singing.

Its beautiful whistling caught your attention, the closer you got the better you saw someone's back and— That little girl sitting next to her. 

Never thought that you would be Standing here so close to me There's so much I feel that I should say But words can wait until some other day

Both were relaxing on a chair made of wood and flowers as a handle, the stranger kept singing; for some reason his voice gave you a familiar but pleasant peace, you didn't know why or how, but you keep watching them swinging. 

It's been a long, long time Haven't felt like this, my dear Since can't remember when It's been a long, long time You'll never know how many dreams I've dreamed about you Or just how empty they all seem without you

The wind was blowing away the colorful petals of the field full of those tulips, you standing still in the tall grass, mesmerized by the whistling of that stranger, still looking at the girl, they seemed so comfortable with each other.

It's been a long, long time It's been a long, oh long time

And then that song stopped, breaking like a spell as well as your illusion, for just as the figure turned, his face could not be seen for he silenced you, causing thousands of tulips to cover your vision. 

"WAIT PLEASE! Who are you—" 

With an abrupt silence, you were left in the emptiness of before, broken glass halves scattered on the floor surrounded your feet, the girl was gone, only you and that hall of mirrors remained. 

Sighing, you pick up several pieces and your fragmented reflection looks back at you.

Your thoughts stop when you feel someone pull you out of that place and your eyes open as you feel the pain of a slap. Your eyes immediately went to those responsible for that: The maids in the service of the empress, who don't even look sorry for having done such a thing.

"Hey, you know you shouldn't sleep like that in public, you should be ashamed of yourself? What if the nobles gossip about you? hahahahaha." 

You clutched your reddish cheeks due to the hard slap, you growl silently wanting to do something but you just bit your lip in anger and swallowed it with 'dignity', which was the only thing you really had left; nothing belongs to you nor did anyone in this palace seem to take your position seriously.

You are just an ornament for the empress and a sack of potatoes for others to vent their frustrations. You had nowhere to go, if you left they would surely kill you, because the dirty blood should not live. 

"Please, couldn't you be less rude, Tsk! If you were seen slapping me, wouldn't you go unpunished? I'm still the emperor's daughter. It's frowned upon for a commoner to hit a noble, let alone royalty like me" You sneered with measured sarcasm, if they wanted to pull shit against you, you'd mess with them, it's all or nothing.

Your joke made them turn pale, the other maid behind gasped and took a step back. The one who slapped you swallowed as she quickly pulled herself together. They did not want the wrath of the empress if such rumors began to circulate, their necks, and perhaps yours, would roll. 

"You should be grateful princess because I have not yet reported your attitude to our noble empress, be good and we can forget about this incident" They said with a smile on their faces, the other nodded his head as the speaker held his face confidently, as if he had all the power in the situation, but his eyes reflected the fear and falsity of his words.

If they did that, they would pay more than you, a simple spanking would not be mere punishment for commoners like them, on the contrary for you, who you would be 'disciplined' for your indecency as a noble, 

However, you were interrupted by the empress's housekeeper (that damned boot-licking spy) She advanced towards you and all the maidens present bowed in fear, the two in front of you also trembled. 

"Now ladies don't make a fuss in the middle of the balconies and princess let's avoid making a fuss, please if you are not going to do anything at the party then go back to your room. As for you as maids, you have permission from the empress to discipline her, but don't overdo it..." She looked at you with cold condescension, as if she were superior. Biting your lips, you force a smile crumpling your dress in anger but swallow it all, smiling politely and standing up, wiping your dress and bowing.

 "Thank you, I will follow that sage advice, as you always know what to do, with your permission." Annoyed and frustrated once again, you left in anger and your footsteps echo loudly through the empty corridors of this place, listening to the maids laughing at you, as always.

Those damn maidservants, they always had something to say, didn't they? Laughing and talking behind your back every chance they got. Then there were those damn nobles, they were all the same, looking down on you. They always had something to comment on, whether it was your looks, your status or how you behaved. In the end you were just a trophy to them. A princess just to show off, nothing more.

Your thoughts were diverted by the sounds of the party, soon the second waltz would begin. But even if you were to go there, you would not be welcome, which is silly and ironic because this party is for you but no one actually congratulates you, the bitch empress steals every birthday you had, only to receive praise for her benevolence towards you... A bastard with dirty half elven blood.

 "Phew, at least this day is winding down." 

You sighed again as you vaguely thought about your dream, but you were more curious about that stranger, you didn't understand why he sent you back to reality, nor did you know why that girl led you there. In the end you walked down the hallway ignoring the lights and the drunks, it was like that every year, just nobles inflating their egos and gossiping behind each other's backs.

Hallways full of drunks were nothing new to you. Every year the parties ended the same as the others, with drunks and gossiping nobles. You couldn't wait for it to end, you always found it exhausting and annoying. Yet here you were, standing in the middle of the hallway with all these drunken fools around you... Surely there were some fucking and eating with lust around. 

"Hello princess!" 

A voice called out behind you, one you sadly recognized from all the years you had lived in the palace living with the nobles.

The stupid, disgusting son of Marquis Duboff, that dog rather than a man, always insisted on touching you and then complained when you refused. Snarling at fate, you tried to run away from him but he grabbed your hand and cornered you on the wall almost going out to the stairs. "Come on princess! Don't be like that, the other time I saw you flirting with other men, maybe the little slut can't help strutting around and wanting to fuck cock? You can't fool me, I know you like it—!" 

Drunk breath filled your nose, you wanted to vomit. His smell and everything about him disgusted you, so when he held your wrists, you kicked him in his private parts, you were irritated beyond belief.

"Tsk! When are you going to understand that I HATE YOU? You're a garbage existence, so.... If you'll excuse me, m-a-r-q-u-i-s!" With those words, you fixed your dress, you could be cheeky and follow orders for your own survival... However, you weren't going to play along with his games, that human excuse was a stubborn and pathetic being because you didn't want to call him a man when the vacancy was too big for him. 

This one knocked you down putting his hands in your hair, you in defense tried to shake him off but in the end between pulls, he knocked you down hitting you in the face and calling you an ungrateful bitch.

The blow threw you to the ground and to the side, sending you stumbling into a wall, you almost died if you fell badly down the stairs. You clutched your cheek as a groan of pain escaped you and, of course, the pathetic bastard was still standing there mockingly.

"You're not going anywhere princess, even though you act like an ungrateful bitch...I'm sure you'll soon come to your senses when you see that I can be gentle..." 

He sneered at you as he looked down at you from his elevated position holding an entire bottle of wine. His smile grew as he took a step closer to you, striding over and drinking. 

Then he started fighting you when you pushed him back wanting to leave, and he had the audacity to call you a spoiled brat, when IN YOUR LIFE! You've had some of that, anything you wanted was squashed and used as an excuse to make you less or crush your spirit. 

"STUPID BITCH!", you hear him yell as you poked his eye with your fingernails, in an attempt to stop him from taking your clothes off. He finally smashes the bottle on your head, making you blurry and blood dripping from your wound. 

You couldn't stand it any longer and you ran away crying, not out of sadness or helplessness (maybe it was that, but you would never say it out loud) but mostly it was rage, pure and undiluted. You felt pathetic, a fragile doll that broke for someone else's enjoyment.

"Fuck all of you... Ick! You guys are assholes" You clench your fists drawing blood from your wound with a torn piece of cloth from your now torn dress and head to your room, well, those fancy furnishings and decor really couldn't be called a room, it wasn't yours to begin with, just a guest room modified to mimic that of a room for royalty. 

Still, you decided it was better to go to your old, dirty and abandoned 'room', which was just the basement where they kept junk and rusty weapons. As you enter, you close the door, dropping into a crouch and hugging your legs, enclosing your face in your dress breaking that elegant facade into sadness and anger. 

You were exhausted and tired, very tired of everything, of everyone. Running away from the damn marquis, from the empress, from the nobles. You just wanted to be free, to be happy and find a place to just... be, instead of being a princess forced to live in a damn box and be judged or belittled for every little action.

Sighing as you sat there in that dusty old room, tears streaming down your face as you hid in your dress, you continued to wander in your thoughts. You felt alone, cut off from anything good or happy in this damned place, if there was any happiness in the falsehood of nobility to begin with. 

Your snot was running from your nose, your makeup was smeared and you didn't care at the time, you just wanted it all to be over. Sometimes you were angry at your dead mother, you blamed her for your useless elven blood running through your veins. You would even cut yourself to try to get it out and stop being a dirty blood, but all you get were injuries with punishments from the empress, you honestly don't know when was the last time you smiled or if you ever did, 

You wanted to keep hating her, she's a mother who never saw you grow up, but you didn't want to be like them, just another human, someone who pretends and discriminates against others just because. It would be hypocritical of you to do so, but sometimes you just want to scream and hate them freely, but it's stupid to do that and you just put your anger aside.

"It's useless, everything is the same every year, what did I expect this time? Mother, is my existence wrong? They just use me and throw me away when I'm not useful. I'm getting tired, how much longer can I go on with this performance?" You cried rubbing your eyes and wiping your smeared makeup with your dress, it was ruined anyway. 

Your eyes wandered around the room, looking at old dusty furniture and consumed by time, now they are blurred memories. If you think about it, in the past for some reason, you used to write letters to someone, hoping they would take you away from this place, but those hopes are ephemeral like happiness. 

You continued to sit there and cry, your feelings of hopelessness and anger pouring out. The makeup on your face was ruined, but you didn't care, it would be just another reason for the empress to call you a savage, mocking you. 

The zero memories of your childhood or the existence of your mother, your life here, everything came over you. It was very hard to face it all, very hard to hold out hope for any kind of happiness for yourself. After all, you were nothing more than a princess in a cage.

For a moment, the sensation you felt in that dream made you think of the stranger, and the memory came to mind, the magical and serene sight. It is contrary to how you felt now.

The moonlight illuminated the old dusty room, your eyes for some reason went to the old table, many broken drawings on it, for a moment you saw yourself as a child writing right there, however something blinded you like a light in your eyes. Curious you get up going to the table, the last time you were here living and sleeping you were exactly 11 years old, so you had left everything the same as when you left. 

"What the hell—?" Your gaze went to the pieces of paper, then moving them you coughed through the dust that was released after years in neglect and, shaking it with your hand— A strange piece black as darkness received you, the one that has accompanied you in your life since you are conscious until you forgot it, and if not for today you would still be in oblivion of its existence. 

Then, when you took it, an energetic discharge came from the tip to your head, giving you headaches and like a vague memory, you were pulled towards that vision, but it was blurred, what you knew was that you were in a forest. Your hands were small but you did not control this memory and this childish body.

Your ears perked up as you heard your own voice laughing, but it sounded more animated. Sometimes you think the current you is so different from your childhood self, less bitter and miserable. 

"M■□ll■s-sama, it's unfair that you always let the human win!" 

Another voice interrupted your diatribe and in turn you recognized that it was male, of course with a youthful and scandalous touch. A familiar laughter made you open your eyes in this dream(?), then that stranger whose name you did not fully understand, answered the other man, strangely you did not see who they were, because in this memory you were still hiding behind a tree.

"S□b■k, don't be hard on her, besides I don't want to make her feel bad, my ■□■■■□ is important" Your giggles kept coming out as your eyes made you expectant in this strange dream, just sharing vision with this uncontrolled childish body. The strangers behind the tree, shrouded in mystery, continue to argue. 

'What are they talking about?'

You thought to yourself, not your dream self, just your current self. Strangers are still looking for you, you looked like you were 5 years old by the size and high pitched giggles you let out. And that was before you came to the palace, what was not clear to you about this situation and your past self which you didn't remember much, so you are not understanding anything.

The two voices kept talking as the you in this memory peeked out for seconds, unable to really see their faces due to the speed at which you were hiding. You were looking from your childhood perspective, hiding in a tree and laughing to yourself, it all seemed less difficult if you thought about it. The other two males seemed to be looking for you, still arguing as they looked around the area.

Your childhood self seemed cheerful, again you wondered if she was really you or if she was just a past fragment. You looked happy, as if you were having fun playing some kind of game with these strange men. What were they talking about, and why did it seem so familiar, you didn't know, but it hurt your chest to hear yourself laugh. 

Since you came to the palace the childish games were over; so seeing this broke you in a certain way. Then you felt big hands taking the shoulders of your childish self, you laughed and named the stranger, but again the seemingly important words or names were cut off and erased, fragments remained of that stage of yours, which you did not know. 

"T■un□■ta□■u! hehehe you found me.... You were 3 seconds faster, though it's unfair because S■b□k always complains" Your words and voice were lively, sweeter and in comparison to the bitter words for this life you were leading. The stranger whose face was covered by the sunlight because you were in his arms, his shadowed face looked at you, his fanged lips smiled at you. 

His fangs glistened as a smile broke out on his face, laughing at your childish words. His voice was soft and warm, but no less gravelly and elegant, almost like the glow of the incandescent sun on you in the dream.

"You were well hidden, I could hardly find you. But I know your usual hiding places, little ch□■dr□n ■□ m■n." He said with lightness in his voice. One of his big hands moved to stroke your head, tousling your hair as he said this. Even though it was hidden behind the blinding light of the sun, you could still make out its outline....

It had a rather strange silhouette, horns coming out of its head and long wings behind it, something you only saw in forbidden books.... A dragon, but it didn't make sense that it was humanoid. 

In fact this whole situation confused you, unfortunately you came back to reality when the darkness swallowed you and you fell to the ground with a sharp blow, the dragon's scale no longer shining as brightly as before. You got up carefully, you were a mess in every sense of the word if you looked at yourself in a mirror. 

Picking that thing up carefully, you wonder if this is what made you see that. Are those your memories from when you weren't here? But it didn't make sense, the empress said she found you with two elderly brothers who were farmers, so why - why were you having these weird flashbacks? 

You sat on the old bed, holding the dragon scale in your hand and looking at it. Your head was throbbing and your thoughts were a mess. That vision... it was so vivid, like a memory... But how could it be a memory? You come from those farming families, the empress herself had said so... Though knowing her character, she could lie to you as she did about your mother's death. 

Those two men in the vision, you couldn't make out any details about them. But why did you feel so close to him in that dream? Besides you had already seen him when you fell asleep on the balcony, is everything connected...?

"Phew, I better go or I might get punished... But I can't leave this here, if they come to clean up, which is rare, they might see it, maybe I should take everything left of this old place" You put the dragon scale in your secret pocket inside your breasts, just when you were about to leave, you also saw the letters hidden under so much trash and dust. Some were torn and some were stained with ink. 

Your look is nostalgic, really when you were a simple and silly girl you didn't know how to hide things. So you took them, on your way out you took caution in looking both ways down the dark subway corridor and when you saw the shores clear, you left.

You exited the subway, making sure that no one was there, before leaving. As you did so, you returned to your room as quietly as possible. You hoped that the party was over and everyone was too drunk to notice your absence... 

As you walked through the halls, your mind kept thinking about that memory, if it was one. You had so many questions about it, about your past self and who you really were before you turned 6. It was so clear, so real... But who were they? What if... Was it all a strange fantasy of yours? Now you have a faint fragment of hope in you, even if it's vain and selfish. 

Your thoughts are interrupted by the empress waiting for you in your room, you panicked hiding the old letters and anything suspicious, she looked at you with false elegance and the lunar shadow did not help your fear to diminish.

"W-what are you doing here? I thought you were with the emperor"

You whisper avoiding looking at her, she stood up, unaware that there was your faithful maid. A maid who barely entered months ago and quickly befriended you with insistence; but that doomed her like many. Now she's dead on the floor, again you lost another ally, though you tried to prevent anyone from coming to you, trying to be nice when you couldn't afford that, it's a weakness the empress would exploit. 

Said woman continued to look at you with a cold stare, the false elegance on her face unchanged.

"Watch your tone of voice, princess." He said in a cold voice. His cold green eyes scanned you, observing your ragged and disheveled appearance with an almost mocking look on his face.

"I heard about what happened between you and the marquis earlier, my dear." You swallowed bile cursing everyone and her for that false sweetness in her voice. She took a step towards you and her tone quickly changed to a higher pitched one.

"You know how much I despise it when you embarrass me like that."

Her hands went to your bare, messy shoulders, your hair was ragged and that only added to her condescending tone, mocking your messy appearance. You bit your lips, she knew everything, she always does. You're more sure that damn dog Duboff made a fuss complaining about you, you just expected the worst in situations like that.

 "W-what's wrong with it, Your Highness? I only defended myself, or are you afraid of rumors? For example... That you don't take good care of me, and even if I AM THE EMPEROR'S DAUGHTER! You still treat me badly-" Her nails finished digging into your skin as a warning but you were so fed up that you continued.

"And yes I did, I don't give a damn anymore anyway, that dog deserved it! He's a scumbag, he wanted to abuse me, hahaha you don't even care about my image, only yours and your ego-Urgh!" A slap echoed in the empty room. The empress snarled with a contorted face, you laughed internally as you watched her lose her composure, she was a fucking bitch to you. 

It was quite satisfying to see the empress lose her composure in this way. Her face contracted in anger, a complete contrast to her normally reserved and cold demeanor. She had just slapped you, leaving a red mark on your cheek.... but you couldn't help but laugh at this. Seeing her lose control like this was almost funny.

The empress snarled at your laughter, the anger and irritation clear on her face. She moved closer to you, grabbing your hair and tugging on it. 

"How dare you talk to me like that... You're a dirty bastard blood!"

The empress's face was now contorted with anger, frustration and humiliation. After all, how dare you speak to her like that, especially at a party meant to celebrate her benevolence? You should thank her for even existing, but here you were like a brazen rat. 

"You ungrateful, insolent bitch!" She spat, tugging at your scalp and grabbing your cheeks hard so you could look her in the eye. 

"How dare you speak to me like that, I who have given you everything! Your position as princess, your meals, your clothes, let it be clear to you that you are inferior to me, without my help the emperor wouldn't care about you!"  

"... I didn't want to be this! Do you know how many nights I starved to death just because you and those maids wanted me to? You don't know anything, my life is not really mine but I'm running out of patience, even when I wanted to run away, you didn't let me... I begged you, but no more!"

"You're a-" Her hand reached up to hit you again but when you tried to pull away she only abused you more until it hurt all over, then complained about your rebelliousness and savagery.

He continued to prattle on about your insolence, debating whether he should kill you or not, but decided to leave, only punishing you by locking you in the room and ordering that no one was to come in or go out to feed you for a week. 

You got up when she left, she might as well kill herself and you wouldn't care. After a while, you changed your clothes after a relaxing and decent bath, no insults or dirty water. You were self-sufficient enough, since you were treated like a maid when you first arrived, you did everything. 

At the end of the night you lay staring at the letters on your bed, those letters written by you that for some reason you don't quite remember why you did it. "Ahh... what a day this was." 

You were left in your room, alone once again. The empress had left you with a burning cheek and a week of hungry solitary confinement. But it didn't matter, you were used to it.

With slow steps to the bed, you plopped down on the bed and then settled in, your eyes drifting to the old letters scattered on the bedspread. They were written in childish scribbles, but somehow they had some meaning. Why did you write this? And to whom? You had long forgotten the reasons behind it... You had priorities, like not dying for that woman's whims. 

With nothing to do, you decided to read them, starting with the one with the oldest date and paper. The letter began somewhat disorganized, it read like this:

March 23, first date of the solar calendar.  'It happened again today, I miss you Tsunotarou so much..... Mairy yelled at me again, you know, I know I'll never give you these letters but I hope someday to see you so I can read them for you, although I think it's more for convenience.  Nobody wants me here, I shouldn't have run away from home, Uncle Lilia was right. Humans are not the same, much less easy to understand. They are like me, physically they are but they don't act like I thought they would. Everyone says I'm a dirty blood worse than a commoner, Sebek was right when he said we are bad, but I'm not like that.  

Your expression softened but mostly out of confusion and the feeling that comes from reading this. So that's what the nickname you were talking about in the dream was... That silhouette was Tsunotarou? You didn't know but your head hurt thinking about it and even for some reason you got stuck trying to say that nickname, but still you continued reading.

 April 16 of the solar calendar  'I'm very sad, I hardly remember Uncle Lilia anymore, I'm very afraid. Tsunotarou... what if I forget you too? I don't want that, so I'll keep writing letters, so maybe my adult self will read them, I hope everything gets better, because today they made me mop the floor and the housekeeper punished me for something I didn't do. The older maids threw water and cow dung on my floor, when I had already cleaned it, I really want to come back to you Tsunotarou'.

Your expression became somewhat inexplicable, you felt the tears fall again for no apparent reason, you did not understand this feeling. Perhaps compassion for your previous innocent self, who was hurt and crushing your spirit to become what you are today.

The cards only continued to get worse. Your past self was young and innocent, so full of optimism and hope, but instead was only met with suffering. She was treated like dirt, forced to do tasks she wasn't cut out for, and others around her bullied her...and no one did anything to stop it. Your heart ached as you read the letter from your past self, and tears streamed down your face as you read it.

You clenched the letter tightly in your hand, your heart felt heavy in your chest... You didn't know if you wanted to keep reading because you were honestly so devastated by the constant abuse you've normalized, but reading all this just makes you feel sorry for yourself. 

Still, you catch a glimpse of one letter in particular lying on the corner of your bed, it's crumpled and musty as if it had been wet. Trembling you pick it up reading it and it just opens up another memory you had blocked out for yourself.

XX December of ... ??? 'Tsunotarou... I no longer remember why or why I am writing this, who are you, that I am writing this to you? I don't know, maybe it was all a dream and you, Tsunotarou whoever you are, don't exist. Last week I was caught trying to escape, but I don't remember the reason for it. Honestly it's all confusing so I'll stop writing these meaningless letters. I just know I've been hiding them, so I have to respect that about myself.... Well, this is goodbye. 

Now you remember! This is the last letter you wrote, you only know you finished it because of the first line, that nickname, you wrote it weeks before and you don't remember much. Suddenly your head starts to hurt and you get a lot of cut memories that make you cry in pain.

As you read that last letter, you were hit with a flood of memories. They came back vividly, but it was still a little fuzzy in your mind. 

You remembered why you wrote the letters. You were writing to him, that man you played with in the woods in your dream. You remembered him... and you remembered his nickname. Tsunotarou. Even the mere thought of it made your head throb. But as the memories slowly came back, you couldn't help but sob at the truth of all the events and the realization of it. 

What little you know of this is due to the only clues you had. With determination, you were determined to seek the truth behind your whole life and your lost happy childhood, so these days where the empress locked you up, you would flee through the secret corridors you had discovered in this room since you lived in it. 

Wandering the aisles of the library in the middle of the night, you were looking for books on magic or creatures of that kind, which were burned years ago by the wars, it was hard to find them. 

Despite feeling so tired, your heart was beating with determination. You knew you had to find the answers behind everything. It was time for you to find out the truth about your past and the real reason why you were here. You had so many questions running around in your mind....

But it was already late and you could already feel the tiredness invading your body after searching the library, so you walked with your books in hand through the corridors until you reached your room. With a tired sigh, you lay down on your bed, thoughts still running through your head as you slowly drifted off into an intermittent sleep...

And so for the rest of the week, you went to the basement to see if there was anything else but there was not. Then you rummaged through the housekeeper's room finding the strange bag that you now had in your room, in front of you. 

There was a strange old stuffed animal, some exotic flowers you didn't know about, a map crumpled and yellowed from years but most surprising were the many dragon scales in a jar. 

This was definitely yours, but why would you have this here? It didn't make sense and besides there were 2 books downstairs, one had drawings of 4 men, three of them with pointed ears and one was like the silhouette in your dream, with horns. 

The other was a human like you but wore a uniform; also, the second book had strange spells in it. The spell book was like the few pieces of page you found in the library on the hidden side. Thoroughly checking between pages, you saw a piece of paper with something written on it, there was also a drawing made by you most likely, underneath the apparent lullaby. 

Something about the drawing of the horned man seemed strangely familiar to you, though you didn't know why. Maybe there was a connection between him and that man in your dream... Curious, you read the writing on the paper, although due to the bad handwriting and scribbles on it, it was difficult to read.

You let go of the paper from your hands because your head started to hurt, a male voice echoed in your erased memories. It was a quiet place, a comfortable bed and finally you saw black tinted lips and fangs, he sang you that song but again, his face was blurred. 

You gripped the paper once again tighter, your head throbbing from the strange memory that came over you. The memory was fuzzy, but it was still clear enough that you could make out the vague silhouette of a man, fangs and lips tinged with black. He was singing that song to you, his voice soft and comforting.

Te agarraste la cabeza, tratando de recordar más, pero el dolor de cabeza sólo pareció empeorar. ¿Por qué tus recuerdos volvieron repentinamente a ti una vez más, y fue realmente Tsunotaoru, el hombre que te parecía tan familiar...? No lo sabías así que simplemente te volviste a dormir, cayendo profundamente

The breeze on your face welcomes you back, dazed you open your eyes seeing that you were now on a marble table near the oak tree. Confused you wake up and this time you see that you are not a teenager, more like a girl, this confuses you a lot.

Walking aimlessly, you hear in the distance in the same oak tree or further on, in the tulip field, someone singing, that same song you read in that paper.

I know you I walked with you once in a dream I know you That look in your eyes is such a familiar gleam. And I know it's true, that visions are rarely what they seem.

The tune was different, but undoubtedly it is the same voice and the same place as when that little girl in the dream led you there, the same person singing that lullaby. 

But I know you I know what you will do You will love me once and for all As you once did in a dream

You kept moving forward, the smell of flowers filled your nose and as if taking the place of the girl who you assume is your inner self, you continue moving towards the figure on the hill, standing among so many flowers looking at the sun.  

But I know you I know what you do You love me at the same time As you once did in a dream I know you I walked with you once in a dream 

The wind was soft and cool against your skin as you walked through the tulip field. The sweet smell of flowers filled the air and the sun hung high in the sky, casting a warm glow over the surroundings. As you continued walking, you heard that familiar song echoing in the air.

 "Who are you really?" you whisper in that childish little voice, this time you control this body and even if you expected an answer, there is only silence.

The closer you got, the more your heart pounded in your chest. And then, you finally saw it: a tall horned figure standing a few feet away from you.

Something in his majestic, magical and calming presence made you cry. At this moment you became a little girl taking the place of your inner self, now you just wanted to hug that man and run in his arms, like a game.

"Tsunotarou... that's what your name is?" those simple words made the horned figure look at you, with a slow step he walked up to you bending down to look at you.

The stranger smiled at you as he bent down to your level. He gently wiped away your tears with his thumb, his gaze warm and affectionate.

"Yes, it's me" he whispered in response. 

"I have missed you so much." This time your inner self spoke for you, since you wouldn't be able to understand its identity or the feelings it provokes in you, but you don't want to push it away either.

The man dressed in black hugged you tightly, squeezing you close to his chest. It was a protective embrace and you could feel the love and affection in his touch.

"You have no idea how much I've wanted to see you again, the clues I left you in your dreams, do you still have doubts my little girl?"

You nodded as you let yourself be carried by him, all your stress or bitter attitudes gone. There is only you and that lost innocence. 

"Sorry if I don't understand anything, it's just that I forgot you and that frustrates me" This time you spoke from your heart, with the truth. Without lying to anyone much less yourself and he seemed to understand. 

"Everything will have an answer, but I've missed you too, I can't be near you because I wouldn't know how to control myself, I may lose control if I see you more than I should" His whispers sounded melancholy and plaintive, but deep down his tone threatened to overflow into madness and rage. 

"Then why didn't you come for me? I don't remember but I feel like I sink into a sadness thinking about you" This time he kept silent, his face you couldn't see but you felt the tension in his body. 

"...There were reasons beyond my power that prevented me from that, besides if I went after you I could have accidentally killed you in my rage looking for you."

Despite his words you felt disappointed with him, you still decided not to hate him, you didn't want to be a bad person, no matter how bitter you were. 

"I understand... But could you answer me something, why don't I remember you well? I know you had something to do with me however, I don't remember, much less know who I was before what I am now."

The strange man again took your face in his hands and you saw why you couldn't see him, there was a mist blurring his face. 

"I don't think it's time yet, but I assure you that in a few weeks you will know... Until then, I will see you and answer your questions, my little daughter of man. Because we saw each other in a dream-" 

You wanted to keep asking but he kissed your forehead and you fell into a dream within your dreamlike sleep, finally waking up hyperventilating. 

"... Fuck I couldn't ask him his real name."

[jordyn14]

It Has Always Been You • Joe Burrow Mini Series

Chapter 2: “He wants to take my v-card, should I let him?”

It was finally Joe's first game of the season which meant all of us got to go to the game to cheer him on and support him. I'm not going to lie, this was one of my most favorite days of the entire season, it may even top the playoffs. For starters, it is almost always extremely warm and sunny, the atmosphere is unlike no other because it's the first game back with all of the starters playing, no matter if it was a good year or last year better, the season starts off amazing because it's a clean slate for everyone; the players, coaches, fans, and the family of the players. Another amazing thing about going, the outfits. I absolutely love dressing up in cute clothing and going to watch my best friend's brother live out his dream.

When we arrived, we all got there super early like always so we could go and tailgate before since Robin and Jimmy always have a tailgating spot for every home game. They are literally the best. We were drinking and having fun tailgating with some fans for a while, but after a while Arthur and I headed into the stadium before it got packed. We loved getting there early so Arthur could see his brother before the game and talk with him and catch up for a few minutes. We headed down the stadium stairs where we saw a bunch of players already starting to warm up without their jersey's on yet. "Do ya see him?" Arthur asked me who was in front of me, turning his head to look at me as he talked. "Uhmm..." I said and started to scan the field for Joe. "No, but I do see Mars." I said as me and Ja'marr made eye contact.

Immediately, Ja'marr stopped doing what he was doing and started to jog over to me. "Maise! My favorite French girl!" Ja'marr called over to me. I walked past Arthur as a few fans started calling out Ja'marrs name, wanting to talk with him. "Mars!" I laughed a little bit at our nicknames. The first time I ever met Ja'marr, it was so incredibly hard for me to say his name with my accent that I just decided to call him mars instead since it was easier. Plus, when I said Ja'marr with my accent it didn't sound like Ja'marr at all. Since I gave him a nickname, he decided that I also needed a nickname, so he stuck with Maise since he said May was too simple.

When Ja'marr got over to me with a big smile, I leaned down and dabbed him up. "Maise, what's up?" He asked me. After I dabbed him up, I leaned my hands on the railing and glanced up to see Joe walking over to say hi to Arthur. "Oh you know, the usual. I'm excited to watch you guys kick some ass I hope." I laughed. Ja'marr nodded and winked at me. "Don't you worry about that, we got you...we're going to be...winners." Ja'marr said, trying out some French which ended up sounding amazing. "Ay, look at you go Mars. You are a natural." I told him and tilted my head a little bit, wondering if he practiced a little over the offseason like I told him to. He tried his best to translate what I said and I couldn't help but smile at his concentration face. "I said you are a natural, but I guess I spoke too soon." I laughed. "Apparently." He laughed.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Joe staring-no-glaring, at both me and Ja'marr with a slight scowl on his face as him and Arthur talked. His brows were furrowed and his jaw was clenched, but as soon as he looked over at me with a glare and we made eye contact, he quickly looked away and continued his conversation with Arthur, though he kept glancing over periodically. What the hell was that about? What the fuck was that look for? "W-well, good luck, I'll probably see you after the game." I said with a smile and backed away a little bit. "Alright Maise, see ya later." He said and started to jog back to the field so he could continue what he was doing. Joe watched him jog away and then glanced back up at me and then Arthur. "I'm going to head up to the suite, I'll meet you up there?" I said to Arthur, making sure not to look at Joe in the process. "Sure, sure. I'll grab us some drinks too." He said. "Perfect." I smiled at him and turned on my heel.

No matter how much I tried to push Joe out of my head, I couldn't. The look he gave me and Ja'marr was stuck in my head. When he was looking at us, he looked pissed...was it jealously? No, no way he could be jealous. We grew up together just like me and Arthur. What does he have to be jealous about? Maybe him and Ja'marr were in a little fight. Plus, it didn't matter anyways, he was off limits. But damn, the way he glared at Ja'marr while we talked was- no, stop. My mind was racing with all of these thoughts and I had to keep reminding myself to stop thinking about him and what he could have been glaring at Ja'marr for. Even then, the word jealously was stuck in my head and I hated it. I was so fucking delusional. Why did I always do this to myself?

All of a sudden, I was torn from my thoughts when Arthur walked into the suite with two drinks in his hand. One was a beer and the other was a fruity drink since I absolutely hate beer. "Oh my gosh, you're a saint. Merci." I said. I grabbed the fruity drink and took a big sip of it, hoping it would calm my thoughts of my best friend's brother. "Damn, calm down girl. You look stressed." He said with a laugh and sat down next to me. After kicking off my uncomfortable shoes, I turned to him with a small laugh. "Hey, this is the first game of the season, this is excitement mixed with nerves." I said, somewhat lying. I was in fact excited to watch the game so I wasn't fully lying. Arthur just nodded a little bit and took a sip of his gross looking beer. "Alright, alright. Touché." He chuckled.

For a few seconds, Arthur just stared out onto the field, looking like he wanted to tell me something. "Spill." I said and elbowed him in the arm. Arthur quickly looked over to me, not excpecting the sudden hit and sighed. "Okay, so you know the girl I've been talking to for a while now?" Arthur asked me. For about 3 months, Arthur has been talking to a girl I used to hang out with in college, Mia. They've hung out a bunch of times and have gone on dates and whatever, but they aren't official yet and Arthur's to blame. In college, I was weary of them going out together when she asked me if she could have his number. If there's one thing to know about Mia, at least in college, was that she definitely got around, especially with the football guys. She always wanted to hook me up with people but I always said no.

But she changed quite a bit after college and no matter how many times I try and convince Arthur that I'm 100% okay with them officially dating, he's been hesitant. "Of course I know Mia. I don't know if you remember or not, but for the past 3 months you've been talking we've gotten closer and are now good friends. Do you live under a rock?" I asked him. Arthur look over at me like I was crazy and said, "damn. I was just trying to say that this week I'm going to ask her to be my girlfriend." He said with a small blush on his cheeks. "No way! Finally! How are you going to do it?" I asked him. "You haven't even been in a serious relationship since your junior year of high school. I don't even wanna hear you say 'finally.'" He said. I jokingly scoffed and threw my arms up a little bit.

My freshman through junior year of high school was spent with a boy named Kyle. At first Kyle was kind, sweet, caring, but no where near as good looking as Joe. Shit. Why did I think that? That man was always in my head no matter how much I tried to convince myself that I didn't still have feelings for him. "Kyle cheated on me, okay? Plus the year after he cheated on me he knocked up some girl. I take that as a win." I said with a 'hmph.' "Oh yeah, I forgot about that," Arthur laughed, "anyways, we're going to dinner this Wednesday and I'm just going to come out and ask her." He said. From hanging out with Mia more, I learned that she was actually a really sweet person, despite sleeping around a little bit in college. Plus, I can tell she makes Arthur extremely happy, and that's all I want for him. "You don't even know how happy I am right now, this is amazing. Plus...I also have a date on Wednesday, what a coincidence." I said, trying to hold back a smile when Arthur gasped.

"What! Maisie Moreau is going on an actual date on Wednesday? Who's the lucky guy?" He asked me. I let out a small giddy little giggle and opened up Instagram on my phone. A boy DM'd me one random day because he saw that we both spoke French and we have been talking for about 4 weeks now. Yesterday, he finally asked me on a date, which I'm super excited about. "It's Max, the one I told you about," I said and scrolled through some of our dm's and pictures of him to show him what we've been talking about so he could get a general idea of who Max is, "so yeah, we'll see how this goes. This will be my first date in 2 fucking years. I'm kinda nervous." I laughed. "Yeah, well, he better treat you right. That's all I'm saying. The second he says or tries something weird, call me and I'll come pick you up." He said.

"Yeah no. I will not be calling you. I wouldn't do that to Mia. And anyways, I can take care of myself." I said with a shrug and took a sip of my drink. After I said this, Robin and Jimmy both walked into the suite with huge smiles on their faces. We all watched the entire game in the suite and cheered so much. For their first game of the season, they did incredible. Joe threw 4 touchdowns, 2 of them after connecting with Ja'marr, and threw for 412 yards. The whole team looked incredible as well; the defense only allowed 1 touchdown and a field goal kick. The energy was insane as well and for the entire game, not a single person stopped cheering when the defense was on the field.

But that night, I still couldn't get Joe out of my head. It was like his face was imprinted in my head and I didn't know what to do about it. For most of my time being Arthur's best friend I've had a crush on Joe. When I was younger, though, it was nothing other than a stupid little girly crush on an older boy who was cute, but this felt way different. It wasn't just his looks that I was wildly attracted to, which made is worse. Joe was seriously an amazing person. He is compassionate, he takes time to interact with fans when he can, he has a great sense of humor, he is smart and nerdy, he is supportive of his brother and even me, he is great with kids, and lastly, he's my best friend's brother.

In this crazy world we live in, it's so rare to find someone as special as Arthur and Joe, and the fact that I have found two people like that in my life is insane and incredible. I never thought I would have feelings for one of those people as much as I do right now. In my head, I have always had rules for myself like always give Arthur the first slice of cake on my birthday and always tell him my secrets, but I also have that Arthur's brother is off limits and to not catch feelings, and I did just that, I caught feelings. They sort of just crept up on me after all these years. I needed to figure out a way to push those feelings down and think of him as just my best friends brother again before Arthur finds out and I ruin everything, but I didn't have a any ideas.

~

When Wednesday finally came around, I was so excited. I went to Arthur's house to help him prepare for asking Mia to be his girlfriend which ultimately consisted of helping him pick out his outfit, what flowers to get, and lastly how he should ask her. It was so cute to see him so nervous and flustered. What I didn't know was that he also asked Joe to come and help him since he has more experience in the girl department. I went all week with not really thinking about him and then boom, I was face to face with him unexpectedly. How great. At least Joe was there to help Arthur though, that's all that mattered.

“Okay, I think I'm ready to go pick her up." Arthur said with a little nervous smile. "Holy cow, my little brother is finally doing it." Joe said with a chuckle and started to rub the top of Arthur’s head, messing up his hair. I laughed at how Arthur's face flushed red while pushing Joe away from him and then fixed his hair. Rolling my eyes at them, I reached over to grab my purse. "Good, I was getting worried that you would make me late." I told Arthur. Walking towards him, I gave him a hug and said, "you're gonna be great." Once I pulled away from Arthur, he let out a deep breath and nodded. "Late for what?" Joe asked curiously, probably thinking I had a modeling shoot or something with my clothing brand. I turned towards him with a small smile and said, "for the first time in 2 years I'm going on a date. To say I'm nervous is definitely an understatement." I laughed a little bit.

As I looked into Joe's eyes, he cleared his throat and nodded quickly. "Oh- well have fun." Joe said, accidentally making it sound like more of a question than a statement. There is was again, that hint of jealousy in his face and voice. Why did he have to do that? Joe and I held eye contact until I cleared my throat and headed for the door. "Joe, it's time for you to step up. You are 3 years older than us and you're the only one without a date tonight." I said with a laugh, trying to break up whatever just happened. Both Arthur and Joe laughed and Joe rolled his eyes and said, "oh shut up." I said bye to the guys and then opened up the door and headed for my car.

Once I got to in my car, I put my forehead on the steering wheel with a groan. "Why?" I asked myself. Was he acting weird around me or was it my mind playing tricks on me? It's been way to long since I've even been around a man whose thought about me romantically that I've apparently forgotten all of the signs and turned into a dummy. The only thing I knew for certain was that he was acting different, I just didn't know what that difference was or if it would ever go back to the way it was.

On the way to the restaurant I tried to clear my head of Joe considering that I had a date with a man who isn't him and it would be weird to think about another man while on a date, but it was almost impossible. Not only were there memories surrounding places like Jeff Ruby's, the stadium, or the place Arthur, Joe, and I went to celebrate Arthur when he got his first big boy job, but there were pictures of him scattered around; someone even had a flag of Joe Burrow on their flag pole below the American flag. There are far too many reminders of him in Cincinnati. Why does he have to be loved by so many people?

Thankfully all of that ended when I pulled into the bar parking lot me and Max were getting dinner at. I liked this bar because there were booths around the place, but also a bar for us to go sit at after dinner where we could order some drinks and get to know each other some more. Plus we figured that since we've never met before, a formal place like Jeff Ruby's would be far too much for a small get together to get to know each other.

After I walked inside, I was put at a small booth in the middle of the bar and ordered myself a drink, hoping the alcohol would calm some of my nerves. Five minutes turned into ten, ten turned into fifteen and then when I looked at my watch again, I realized that he was twenty minutes late and still wasn't anywhere to be seen.

"Should I take the drink away?" The waitress asked me, gesturing to the beer that I ordered for Max fifteen minutes ago. "Yes please. Would you mind bringing me some fruity drink from the bar?" I asked her. She nodded with a small smile, understanding what happened, and grabbed the beer and my empty drink from the table. "I'll keep them coming too. I love your accent by the way." She said. I looked up at her with what would be probably the only genuine smile I gave anyone today. "Thank you so much." I said. With that, she walked away with the glasses in her hand and went to the bar to put in my drink Order.

After I sat in my thoughts for a few seconds, contemplating what to do, I went on my phone and called Max, wondering if there was some other reason he stood me other than a lack of interest. As soon as he answered, I didn't give him any time to talk. "Why the hell did you stand me up? I really hope you have some wild reason why." I said quickly, but tried to stay calm and not get too mad at him. "Look, I'm sorry. Okay? I think you're amazing and insanely gorgeous...but I don't mess with girls with boy best friends." He said. I scoffed immediately and rolled my eyes. Boy best friend? You've got to be kidding me. It was never a problem before now. "You really stood me up because of Arthur? You really are a dick." I said, getting kind of mad. What was supposed to be my first date in two years turned out to be such a terrible day. "I'm sorry." He said. "Whatever. It's your loss, not mine. But a little word of advice, maybe tell a girl you don't like girls with boy best friends before you ask her out on a date." I said and hung up the phone and practically threw it down on the table.

Just like clockwork, the waitress came back with my drink and I told her that I would be taking up residency at the bar instead. What's better than drowning my sorrows in some alcohol? It's been too long since I've indulged in more than one drink in forever too, so I deserved this. Two drinks turned into three and then they turned into shots. By the time I got to my 5th drink and 4th shot, I forgot all about being stood up and was starting to have some fun. "Hey gorgeous." An older man said as he sat down next to me, smelling like straight cigarettes and alcohol. I looked over at him after swallowing the big sip of alcohol I had in my mouth and smiled. "Why hello Mr. How are you tonight?" I asked. "I'm good but Damn...that's a hot accent you got there. Where are you from?" He asked me and looked me up and down.

"Why thank you. I'm Maisie. I'm from Monaco." I said and reached out my hand to shake his. With a chuckle and an eyebrow raise, he grabbed my hand firmly and shook it. "Michael. Are you planning on going home with anyone tonight? If so, I volunteer." Michael said with a somewhat creepy smile. "Probably not. I'm a 22 year old virgin...so I'm not  into that kind of stuff. I'm sure you could find someone better at this bar." I said with a shrug and started to look for people in the bar that he could go home with instead of me. While I looked, I picked up my drink and downed the last sip. "Oh come on, I'm sure you wouldn't regret it one bit. I'll make you feel so nice." He said. I looked back over to him, trying to hold back a laugh. "Thank you for the offer, but I'm going to call my bestie to come pick me up, one second." I said.

Going on my phone which I almost dropped, I scrolled through my contacts and as soon as I saw the last name Burrow, I called him. "Here, take a shot." The man said and passed me a shot that he bought from the bar. "Thank you!" I said and grabbed it. The man just chuckled at me as I threw the shot back. With a slight sour look on my face, I shook my head and set the glass back on the table. As soon as I put the glass back on the table, Arthur answered the phone. "Arthurrr. I know I said I wouldn't call you, but I need you to pick me up," I said and realized how much I was fumbling over words, "wow I need to stop." I giggled. "Maisie this is Joe. Are you drunk?" He asked me. Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit. "Oh shit. Wrong brother. Sorry!" I laughed.

"So is he picking you up?" The man asked me. "Maisie who is that next to you? That doesn't sound like the man you were supposed to go on a date with." Joe said. I looked at the man with a smile and then focused back in on the conversation. How would he know what max sounds like? "It's just some random guy at the bar. He wants to take my v-card. Should I let him? He does look experienced." I asked with a giggle and looked the man up and down. "Don't go anywhere with him, you hear me? Where are you?" Joe asked me in a slightly worried tone. "Well, Max stood me up so I left, wait no I didn't leave. I'm still at the same bar." I said, not even realizing I accidentally spoke in French. "Maisie I can't understand you, just calm down and tell me where you are. Please." Joe said.

"Wow...you're bilingual too? That's so fucking hot." Michael said next to me. "Really? Thank you." I giggled and jokingly winked at the guy, although I didn't think he thought I was joking. "Maisie!" Joe raised his voice a little bit, getting my attention. "Please tell me where you are." Joe said. "Oh, right. I'm in that bar next to the one restaurant we went to for Arthur's 22nd birthday." I said, really stumbling over my words. "Don't drink anything else and don't go home with that man either, alright? I'll be there in like 10 minutes." Joe said. From next to me, Michael said, "let's get another a round for the whole bar!" and put both of his hands on the bar. "Yeah! My treat! Give us your most expensive shot." I said to the bartender who nodded and went to get shots. Everyone who was seated at the bar started cheering a little bit. This wasn't even my first time buying a round for the bar.

"Fuck-Maisie please don't go anywhere with that man." Joe said. I could faintly hear a car door shut and then Joe's car skidding out of the driveway from the other end of the phone. "I won't, but please hurry. My head feels weird." I said and then hung up. When the bartender gave us all shots, I drank it with everyone else but before Michael could drink his, I snatched it away from him and was about to down it when I started to really not feel good. All Michael did was laugh and shake his head down at me. I leaned back in my chair and started to fan myself a little bit with my free hand. "Phew, is it hot in here or is that just me? I'm burning up." I said and grabbed my napkin under my drink to help fan myself. Michael just chuckled and took the shot from me and downed it before I could. "You're either about to blackout, pass out, or both." He said.

I laughed a little bit, but started to get a little scared. "I'm a little scared." I said, breathing heavily. Everything around me was spinning and I felt like death. My eyes were so slow to move and I felt so fucking weird. I put my head down on the bar for a few minutes before sitting back up and looking to Michael who was still drinking. I groaned a little bit and was about to stand up when I felt two hands go on my shoulders. "Woah." I said, startled and a little scared since I didn't know who was touching me. "It's just me, Zie. It's okay." The second I heard Joe's voice, I breathed out a sigh of relief and the tension left my body. I was so thankful that he was here right now, especially with how terrible I felt.

After I heard his voice, I started to scoot out of the bar stool. "Here's my card," Joe said and handed the bartender his card. "It's over 200 dollars. Even when she wasn't drinking the alcohol, she kept buying it for other people." The bartender said. "Whatever the cost, just put it on my card instead." Joe said from behind me. Once I got off of the bar stool, I turned around to look at Joe but my legs felt so weird and my head felt so fuzzy. "I don't feel to good." I said, getting scared. The last thing I remember, I was stumbling over and Joe caught me in his arms. Then everything went black.

Taglist: @wickedfun9

[one-idea]

I just realized that I misswrote something on the post the other day about the whitebeards assuming that fem ace was pregnant.

But it gave me another idea:

The whitebeards assuming that Ace and Deuce are married due to their antics.

(Mainly because of Deuce having that fond and kind of gleeful expression whenever ace destroys things and them sleeping together all the time)

Listen!!!! Everyone knows Deuce is in love with Ace. There is no secret there.

No if we are staying in the Whitebread mistaking Ace for being pregnant after she meets Sabo again (see post here)

Deuce is being super sweet and supportive. He’s trying his best (along with the other spades) to shut down any rumors about their former captain.

Until one day he goes to drop of Ace’s dinner and he tries to talking to her again. “You know I’m always here for you. No matter what. I know we’re on a new crew but you will always be my captain and I will always be YOUR 1st mate. I will be by our side no matter what.” Deuce trying to be comforting even though Ace hasn’t looked at him in weeks.

Ace, who has spent the past month think about her brother what was supposed dead for years only to be alive and forgotten their bond. Questioning if she’s even worth remembering. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Even the strongest bonds fade over time. No matter how strong they were or how much they promised.”

Deuce, for the first time wondering if the rumors are true and his best friend/crush did fall in love and get pregnant only to be abandoned. What else could make her feel this way? She always believed in her bonds with people. Her younger sibling Luffy being the most important. And as far as Deuce knew Luffy was fine. “bonds might change but my loyalty to you never will. If you need me I’ll be there. No matter what.”

Ace actually turns to look at him. She’s crying again and she wants so badly not to cry anymore but Sabo is alive and wants nothing to do with her and it’s been so long since she’s felt this worthless. “Stay with me?”

Deuce stays. They’re not doing anything just taking and sleeping. But the rumor mill goes crazy. People talking about how Deuce finally got the girl. How he’s stepping up for Ace and they’re proud of him. Some wonder if it was a lovers spat all along.

But some a ruder about it. And one poor soul, probably Teach because he sucks. Says something about Deuce being so pathetically in love that he’d take a ruined woman and her bastard. Deuce hears it and it’s the first time he’s ever punched a crew mate before. Not because of what they said about him but because of the disrespect and latent sexism towards Ace. (Who again is not pregnant)

Whitebeard is big stressed. He’s got so many rumors flying. A possible grandchild on the way. A possible father as a revolutionary to hunt down. And one of his doctors just broke his hand from punching another one of his son’s in the face. (He proud once the whole story is explained but why him)

When Sabo shows up everyone one of the gossipers is ready for a show down only to be slack jawed because 1) that’s Ace’s brother! 2) she’s not pregnant!

And somehow Deuce and Marcos get roped in (Ace asked them) to giving Sabo a full exam (he was just tackled to the ground) main to insure he’s memories are all right.

Once again quite a confusing day for all.

On the other hand if we’re talking about another story entirely when fem Ace and Deuce are assumed to be married.

The Whitebeard’s are the biggest gossips. You do not have a crew that big that’s all “family” and not get into each others business.

And deuce is so obviously in love with his formal captain. He watches he burn down enemies (a terrifying thing to witness) like it’s a work of art. He is warm to her and goes out of his way to make sure they still see each other as much as possible.

But Ace does to. Their stand offish little sister is warm to her former crew in general but it’s obvious that Deuce is special. She goes out of her way to see him. Even hang out in the infirmary when he can’t leave. A place most commanders avoid like the plague.

The two used to share a room on their old ship and it’s not uncommon for Deuce to spend the night in Ace’s quarters now.

All the Whitebeard’s think they’re married. Heck most of the Spades think they’re married. It’s only the original crew that knows they’re not. They don’t correct anyone because they have so many bets on when the two idiots will actually get together and refuse to have any of these idiots speed up their time tables.

It isn’t until Ace is hanging out with the other commanders on night and Izou asks Ace if she’d like to invite her husband to join them. (They wouldn’t mind him joining them, sure it’s normally commanders only but they can make an exception for the only married pair.)

Ace looks are him supper confused, but before she can speak Marco does. “My fault. I scheduled Deuce to work tonight so I could join you. Next time I’ll put someone else in charge.” He directs the second point to Ace almost as if he’s apologizing for incovining her.

Now Ace is very confused because “I’m not married to Deuce.”

“You’re not!” They all yell at once before looking between each other.

“Do you want to be?” Thatch asked and Ace started sputtering. And that’s it. The commanders are looking between each other. It’s game on. You ever gets Ace and Deuce together wins.

Once Ace leaves they establish rules. They can have help from their divisions. So if one of the nurses convinces Deuce to propose then Marco wins. What do they win. Being Whitebeard’s current favorite. He’s not a man who ranks his children but he was there for the whole conversation. If Ace and Deuce aren’t married and decide to get married guess who is marrying them! Thats right Whitebeard. He’s pumped. The winner gets unofficial title of favorite plus a week off.

The game is on.

Meanwhile Ace is now looking at Deuce completely differently. She had never thought of him in that light before but now… her whole world view has shifted.

She’s trying to navigate this monumental shift while getting pushed into increasingly crazy scenarios with Deuce.

Meanwhile Deuce has always known he had a crush on her. He knew Ace didn’t see him that way so he had decided to ignore it and be friends. Ace’s friendship was enough. But now Ace is acting weird around him and they keep getting stuck together and the nurse and doctors have started telling him how cute they would be together and he feels like he’s losing his mind a bit. It’s not going to happen and he’s okay with that.

It’s a lot of shenanigans

[bella-rose29]

Domestic Sweetness - part 2

this one is a bit shorter but it's just as sweet, and it's pretty much all lockwood doing stuff but it sets up the third and final part really nicely!

word count: 2.1k

warnings: George is mean about lockwood's culinary skills, a few swear words, and that's it I think

Anthony Lockwood was many things: charming, professional, the leader of a successful business, caring, supportive, and dedicated to his friends and his job, but ‘baker’ was not one of his attributes. 

George Karim, on the other hand, was completely at home in the kitchen. It was his domain, the other being the Archives, and so when he got back from said Archives on a Tuesday in May and heard somebody cursing about kitchen utensils he was immediately on guard. Sure, it was Lockwood’s house, and he had grown up with the appliances in that room, but from what George had seen of his friend’s cooking skills Lockwood was definitely better off being an agent. 

He pushed open the kitchen door and took a breath, hoping that the sight that greeted him wasn’t too horrible. 

Lockwood stood by the table, apple-patterned apron tied around his waist as he stood with his hands on his jogger-covered hips staring at a mixing bowl. He looked up when George sighed at the mess: the bag of flour was opened on the table, the contents scattered in a light film across the thinking cloth, eggshells had been cracked and crushed underfoot and butter was in small patches on the counter. 

“Ah, George, there you are. Where’s the uh… the… hang on,” Lockwood broke off, peering at the recipe in front of him. “Oh, the vanilla extract? I was sure we had it in the top drawer over there but I can’t seem to find it anywhere.”

“Oh I moved it. It’s in with the spices now.” He paused for a moment while Lockwood retrieved the ingredient. “… What are you doing?” 

“Baking a cake. Or trying to, anyway.” He frowned. “It’s trickier than I thought it would be. I can’t find the scales so I’m having to guess.” George thought a part of him died a little on the inside. “Y/n’s not feeling great so I thought I’d try and make something to cheer her up.” Just how much the thing that Lockwood was creating would cheer his girlfriend up, George wasn’t sure. He supposed she would care more about the fact that Lockwood had tried than anything else. 

“Right. Do you… need any help?” He desperately hoped that his friend would say yes, just so that George could sort out the atrocities that were happening in the kitchen. 

“Probably, but I’d like to try and do this on my own if that’s alright. It might be a mess but I’m sure she won’t mind.” If Y/n had any sense then she absolutely would mind, and she would throw the cake in the bin. 

“Fine,” George sighed, pushing his glasses up his nose. “But if this is the reason she breaks up with you then don’t come crying to me, Lockwood.” There wasn’t much weight behind his words, and Lockwood knew it. They were quite possibly the most disgusting couple George had ever seen, despite the fact that PDA was kept to a minimum, and Y/n was just as hopelessly in love with Lockwood as he was with her. They would never break up, and even if George didn’t outright say it (he often pretended to gag and told them to get a room, although unfortunately recently the couple had taken to doing just that) he desperately hoped that he was right about their relationship. 

“Alright, George. Whatever you say,” Lockwood smiled, amusement clear in his features. George would have to clean up the mess later, since he was absolutely certain that Lockwood in his love-struck state would be too busy thinking about delivering the cake to actually do it himself, and he turned and left the room so that he could stop looking at it all. 

He had barely made it to the first step of the stairs when a loud smashing sound came from the kitchen, and a small “…Oops,” followed it. 

~~~

Buses were awful. 

Normally when Lockwood saw a bus it was practically empty, just a few pensioners travelling further into the city and the odd young person going to work, so he felt personally cheated that the bus he was currently on - with his precious cargo in both hands - was packed. 

He sighed, casting a worried glance at the large tupperware box he was carrying when the bus went over a particularly large pothole, and hoped that at least one person would get off at the next stop. He still had about an hour to go on this bus, and while he wouldn’t complain because he was doing it for his girlfriend, he really wanted to sit down. 

Ten minutes later he started complaining. 

Internally, of course, because he didn’t have anybody to talk to and he wasn’t about to become the person on the bus causing a scene, but he was very angry in his head. Not only had nobody got off the bus, but more people had got on, and to top it all off the traffic had worsened. 

The bell dinged, signalling that someone wanted to leave, and the bus slowed down. Lockwood looked around in an attempt to find anybody that looked like they were preparing to move, but there were too many people in the way. They pulled into the bus stop, the doors opened in a whoosh, and all at once passengers stepped off. Just when he thought that everyone had cleared from the bottom level, more came from the top deck and thundered down the stairs so that they didn’t get left behind. As soon as a seat opened up Lockwood rushed for it, sighing in content at the lack of weight on his feet. A few people got on, but since many seats had now become available it wasn’t anywhere near as crowded as it had been. 

“Excuse me, young man, you don’t mind if I perch here do you?” Lockwood looked up to see an old lady with her scarf wrapped around her neck (despite the warm weather they were currently having) and a tight grip on her tartan patterned trolley. She was gesturing to the seat next to him that he was currently using as a resting place for the cake box, and he quickly moved it to offer up the whole seat. 

“Of course not! Here, let me help you with that,” he said, balancing the cake on one leg while he manoeuvred her trolley to lean against the railing in front of their seats. 

“Oh, thank you,” she beamed, pinching his cheek. “Your parents have raised you well, young man. So sweet and kind. They must be so proud of you!” Lockwood tried to hide the pang of sorrow that he felt at her words, and plastered on his classic ‘customer service’ smile. She saw through it almost immediately. “What’s wrong, dear? You’ve got a far away look in your eyes.” Her voice was kind and quiet and inviting, and everything about her made Lockwood want to tell her everything about him, but something held him back. He still choked up a little thinking about his parents, and this lovely old lady didn’t need him crying on her shoulder on a bus. 

“Ah, just thinking about…” he floundered for a moment, unsure what he could be thinking about. “My girlfriend,” he finally settled on. The old lady frowned, looking down at the box he had in his lap. “She’s not feeling well at the moment and I just hope she’s alright.”

“Aw, you just keep getting sweeter, don’t you! Is that what this box is for then?”

Lockwood lit up, sitting straighter in his seat and twisting his body more to face her. “It is, actually! I phoned her this morning to see if she wanted to go out for lunch, but she said she was feeling really awful and couldn’t go anywhere, so I baked her a cake and I’m taking the date to her.” The old lady smiled fondly at him and patted his hand. 

“She’s a very lucky girl, then, whoever she is.” Lockwood felt himself blush, his cheeks growing warm and his stomach flipping over. 

“I’m the lucky one,” he started. “I really don’t know how I ever managed to get her to agree to a first date. Or a second.” He felt that his confusion was justified since when they had first met he’d nearly impaled himself on his rapier after getting his long coat stuck in a fence. He’d tell anyone that listened that he’d tried avoiding stepping on a slug on the pavement, but in reality he’d stumbled after seeing her smile. This old lady didn’t need to know that rather embarrassing story, but she was already moving on to her next sentence. 

“Well, it sounds as though the pair of you are happy. My husband was quite like you when he was around.” She smiled softly. 

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Lockwood said, smiling back. The old lady frowned in confusion, tilting her head a little. 

“Oh, he’s not dead, dear. He’s just fucked off to France! He used to be so sweet and loving until he went on a business trip ten years ago and decided he would rather live in France with the girls there than with me, the bastard.” She continued cursing him out, much to Lockwood’s amusement, and threatening to do all sorts of things if her husband ever returned. 

Lockwood was wondering if Y/n would enjoy a holiday in France when the old lady switched subject, going on about… ketchup? Or possibly gardening? He was sure she had mentioned tomatoes at some point, but she was talking so quickly he was struggling to keep up.

It was around forty minutes later and many changes in conversation with the old lady (who was called Ethel and had four cats and two dogs, and chickens in her back garden, and a horse in a stable just outside of London, and a very large fish tank) that the bus lurched over a pothole in the road. Instinctively his arm shot out to hold the old lady in her chair, steadying her so that she didn’t go flying over the metal bar in front of their seats. His other hand clutched the cake box while his core muscles clenched to stop his own body going sprawling. “Are you alright?” he asked, scowling out the window in the direction of the pothole. 

“Oh yes, thank you. You’ve quite the strength, haven’t you!”

“Ah,” Lockwood smiled, feeling heat creep up his neck. “Comes with the job, really.”

“Job? What is it that you do, dear?”

“Oh, I’m an agent. I have my own agency, actually. Lockwood and Co, if you’ve heard of us?” Ethel’s face lit up as she settled back into her chair. Lockwood retracted his arm and quirked an eyebrow in question. 

“My granddaughter knows a lot about this stuff, and come to think of it she has mentioned a company with that name. Sings your company’s praises, she does. I’m not sure why - I don’t really understand most of this modern ‘agency’ stuff. I do what she says which is to put up my lavender and stay indoors when it’s dark! But she works in a café, you see, so she often gets the closing shifts since she’s still got some of that… oh, what’s it called - no, don’t tell me… Talent! That’s it. Not much, mind you, which is why she’s not in the field, but it’s enough to mean that she’s safe at night. I give her little trinkets, too. I doubt they’re much good, but even if all she does is chuck a silver pendant at a ghost and runs away, it’ll make me feel better that she has it. Oh, I think this is my stop!” She reached for the red ‘stop’ button, pressing it firmly so it let out a ding, and she grabbed a hold of her trolley. “Would you like a cup of tea, dear? I think I’ve got a thermos somewhere for you to take some ready-made for your girlfriend if you wanted!” Lockwood hesitated. This old lady was so lovely and sweet, and he was starting to feel a bit parched from the long bus journey, but he really should be getting on. 

He had just opened his mouth to politely decline when he noticed what street they were on, and he decided that he could probably get away with it. “Alright then, but only one cup. Luckily this is my stop too, so I can head on to my girlfriend’s house right after.”

“Perfect! Aw, well I’ll bring out my nice teacups,” she said, wheeling her trolley around and heading for the bus doors. Lockwood cast a glance behind him, checking and double checking that he had everything (the cake box was in his hands) and followed her out, saying a bright “Thank you!” to the driver. 

tag list:

@strawberryloveyyy, @chameleon021, @genderfluid-anime-goth, @cottagecore-babe, @anthonylockwoodandco111, @a-taken-url, @ahead-fullofdreams, @aislinrayne, @anathemaloren, @anthgoldenhrry, @augustisintheair, @aysha4life, @briar-rose23, @curseofhecate, @dangelnleif, @edible-rat-vomit, @el-de-phi, @ell0ra-br3kk3r, @ettadear, @fearlessmoony, @fudosl, @idkbubs, @imaginebeingmentallystable, @informedimagining, @karensirkobabes, @lady-ashfade, @light-23, @locklyebrainrot, @locklyle1kanij, @locknco, @magicandrosewaters, @mentallyillsodapop, @mischivana, @mitskiswift99, @mrsklockwood, @mrsyixingunicorn10, @newbooksmell777, @no-morning-glories, @novelizt, @phlooper, @ran23sblog, @reggiepeterss, @simrah1012, @somethingrandomwatzit, @star-of-velaris, @superpositvecloudshipper, @t2sh0, @taygrls, @tournesol77, @whistle1whistle, @whenselenefallsinlove, @wordsarelife, @y0urm0m12, @zoom1374, @asyouwish-fromcabin3, @rhysand-devorak, @a-candle-maker, @h0lyheck, @apple-bottom-jeans6, @icantwaittoliveandlearn, @moonlitcanvas, @cielooci, @35-portlandxrow, @laumire, @isimpfor-everyone, @furblrwurblr, @midnight--raine, @anniemay4557

@neewtmas, @bobbys-not-that-small, @avdiobliss, @demigoddess-of-ghosts, @maraschinomerry, @lewkwoodnco, @uku-lelevillain, and of COURSE @oblivious-idiot for the request

as always, if there is anybody who wants to be added to my lockwood tag list, then please go here!

[ikamigami]

Rant incoming, I apologize in advance for the length

I still see people trying to say Moon was never loved, that everyone gave up on him, or that saying New Moon is worse than Old Moon is a bad accusation since New Moon doesn't have a body count, or that he's "suffering" and "everyone ignored it" or "nobody tried harder after he said no once"

Like, first off, Moon was loved, Sun has not stopped loving him and refuses to make the choice as to whether or not to either lobotomize or KILL Moon because he doesn't want Moon hurt or killed, in that one episode if you cut out the flashback it is just Sun crying non-stop in his home alone, and when Puppet tried to force him to decide he immediately burst into tears, Earth made it clear in the newest episode that had Moon told them about any of this they would've helped him, she said that nobody really expected him to fix Solar because they all accepted his death, HECK! She even said "I was thinking about forgiving you for what you said" referring to him insulting her in P&S, her comment about him being like the Creator was a bit yick cus the only person that can top the Creator on the villain meter is Ruin but whatever, Lunar was also a bit whatever but he's also dealing with Tauros, the closest thing this world has to a god, and the one who's apparently been gunning for his death up in space court, is coming to earth which FUN

And for the accusation thing, Old Moon was an awful person, hurt his family, Sun especially, killed a lot of people, did lots of unethical things, yes, in the sense that he doesn't have a body count and committing random acts of terrorism New Moon is better, but the closest Old Moon ever got to killing anybody from his family was threatening Sun or punching him, meanwhile New Moon fully went for the kill because he didn't care and had Puppet not intervened she would've fully died

Even if Moon was having a problem, New Moon promised to not make some of Old Moon's worst mistakes, mainly lying about his problems, going behind people's backs, doing things impulsively, and pushing people away, New Moon had the full support of his family and Earth said so, yet he started lying he was okay and not hallucinating, which we all know Sun would've helped him with since Sun suffers from hallucinations, he went behind their backs and started making plans, pushed them away with insults and its clear now by how much he clearly doesn't care about his family that those weren't just bluffs to get them to leave but actually how he thinks about them, and is willing to weaponize what hurts them most to get them out of his way

I get being annoyed at Earth for not pushing harder, or Lunar for just not getting involved, I do not like it either, however, Lunar is currently distracted with the Astral thing, and Earth, who was there from the beginning to nurture and care for Moon and who helped fix Sun and New Moon's relationship, having Moon take her worst insecurity and stab her with it, and we now know he fully meant it, imagine being as close as they were, with Moon doting on her and her offering 100% of her support and allowing him to be vulnerable about his deepest insecurities, to him straight up trying to obliterate her and when she said "you're going to kill me too?!" HE SAID "I don't care", and she was still going to forgive him for what he said before, she told him Moon still had a chance to fix things, Moon still had his family, right up until he decided to murder his own sister who he claimed to love so much because she just happened to be in his way, he didn't even bat an eye and go "wait what have I done?" when half her body got damaged in the blast he was just angry Puppet denied him the satisfaction of blowing up Bloodmoon It wasn't just that "Moon said no and they gave up", he lied to them, broke their trust, took their insecurities like "you aren't a real therapist" and "oh look your Eclipse is showing" and shoved it in their face, and refused help or a better alternative multiple times, and now this

The final point is the reason why I am the most angry, because both Old and New Moon have/developed this problem, it is the impulsivity, when they get an idea in their head they go forwards with it consequences be damned, we see it here, it wasn't just that people didn't want Moon going with this plan because he had to kill someone, also ironic he was so torn up about having to sacrifice somebody only to turn around a few weeks later and do this, but Puppet, Monty, Eclipse, and several people some of whom would know because they are a dimensional entity or who went to a world where someone else did the same thing and it failed, all told him there were many serious consequences for doing the plan, like the Astrals bringing down their wrath, cutting the universe's life short, Moon bringing some monster back instead of Solar, some residual nonsense from whatever Dark Sun did to Ruin or Eclipse carrying over and killing Solar, heck when Ruin pointed out using Bloodmoon would only bring half of Solar back Moon went "Huh, didn't think of that", it is this blind impulsive desire for a goal and getting furious when denied despite being given a hundred reasons not to is so frustrating, part of the reason he tried to kill Earth was that she just so happened to be in the way of what he wanted and he didn't care if she was collateral damage, he was given other options to bringing back Solar, options that as far as we know completely lacked any of the drawbacks, but he refused, I am not going to say ego because I don't think that's it is, it is just single-minded obsession

Also, if Solar does come back, I doubt he's going to see Moon the same way anymore, because his Moon was so single-handedly obsessed with bringing his own Sun back he kept tearing Solar down for parts and putting him in worse bodies, and when Solar fled, Solar's Moon burned everything down, Solar had to deal with his Monty, who blamed him for Moon's rampage, and Moon, who he had to put down himself, how could he look at our Moon now and not see the same thing?

Moon was struggling with grief, yes, but if he had made a single better decision along the way things would've turned out better, at any point he could've told his family "I am hallucinating", "I am not doing well", "I am having angry, bad thoughts", there is no doubt in my mind they would've dropped everything to help him, when Moon cried himself to sleep in Sun's arms Sun took care of him, it wasn't that they didn't try hard enough, Moon became so obsessed with this idea that he cut away everything else, he even ignored the hallucinations of Old Moon and Solar, both of whom told him to stop, and even if what Solar said made him upset, clearly it wasn't enough, not even Solar is enough Moon says they left him no choice and now "he's the bad guy", he always had a choice, and he didn't have to be

This arc is frustrating for all of the above, everyone being out of character, Moon especially as it is so baffling that New Moon, who was so kind and had love and integrity, would become this, it's sad as I loved New Moon even when he got angry or sad before, seeing him be happy with his family, helping Sun and Lunar heal after the past, giving Solar a home, and his family caring about him in return, joking, watching movies, getting up to nonsense together, playing games, supporting him, but this? The needless angst and character assassination, and feeling like a hole has been dug so deep there's no way out, even if they reveal something like a virus, some things were done that cannot be taken back

Anyways…I had a lot of thoughts this rant was so freaking long, if anybody has other ideas or thoughts feel free to add or contradict

You're speaking facts, dear anon 👏

The only thing I disagree with is that you said it isn't an ego.. but I think it is..

Egoists often act like their ideas are the best ones and they don't want to listen to anyone else..

From what we've seen Moon seems to be doing this only because others said him "no".. and egoists often act like that..

Moon even wants to be a villain rather than admit that he was in the wrong and take responsibility for his actions..

And also you're right that Moon proved in these eps that he's worse than Old Moon cause he hurt his sister even though he could've easily just let Ruin help her get out especially considering that Bloodmoon didn't plan to run away..

So what was the point of being so so stupid? But Moon like typical egoist doesn't care about anything other than "I'll do what I want and how I want"..

I personally think that if Moon is infected with a virus which I'm sure he is he still has a chance to get back to his family if he'll decide to take responsibility for his actions if he'll try to atone for what he did..

Maybe I'm too hopeful but idc.. until VAs will prove me wrong I can still hope that things will change for better..

And you're right that what Moon told Earth hurt her so much because they were really close with each other just like you said..

And with Lunar it's the same, he's occupied by a threat that is hanging above their head.. and who would be able to function normally in such situation? I bet that it'd be hard for anyone..

And also Lunar is hurt by Solar's death as much as Moon, I bet.. but he just can't let the emotions to cloud their mind because he needs to control themselves in order to control their powers.. because if he won't he'll die..

And I think that you're right about what Earth said that Moon is like creator.. but I think that she was hurt and tried to hurt Moon as well but also I think that she also thinks that Moon is egotistic just like their father.. and because she doesn't know too many people she just said the person she knows and knows that they're egotistic..

And not surprisingly even that didn't work on Moon.. he just doesn't care.. the only thing he cares about is that he's hurt that no one let him do things like he wanted them to do and that others constantly told him what he can and can't do.. like typical egoist..

And about Sun.. yeah you said that right.. he was crying almost non stop from just thinking about the possibilty of Moon being dead.. and for whole this time - three days that's what Sun told Puppet.. and we know that he was crying a lot because even when Dazzle came to him he was crying beforehand.. he even sounded on a verge of tears..

I'm scared to see how Sun is doing cause such excessive crying isn't good for anyone.. Sun can barely function.. it already doesn't seem good but what will happen when he'll find out that Moon didn't care that Earth would die from the blast of star's power! Sbksnsksksjs

I can't imagine Sun being okay after this.. he'll most definitely spiral.. things will only get worse..

I don't have much to add to what you said..

I just really wish for Moon to finally take responsibility for his actions.. this is all I want..

I feel you, dear anon and I understand your frustration about what's happening in these shows 🫂

[quietlyrebellious01]

The first time I came out, and mind you this was before I even knew there was a word for being trans or that it was even an option, I was in 4th grade. We'd just learned about The Chromosomes, so just imagine:

My father, chilling on the easy chair watching some local nature/outdoors program on PBS.

His 10 year old daughter son, gets home from school, marches into the living room and just says "Wrong chromosome dad!"

And then marches back to the kitchen to do homework with no further explanation.

(To his credit, he did raise me as a son in everything but name after that, even though it took me 17 years to get my junk figured out and put a name to it)

[cerise-on-top]

Ghost with a Transmasc!S/O

I've been wanting to write this since last week! I'm not exactly happy with how it turned out, but maybe someone else can enjoy it as well!

When you’d approach him, all nervous and fumbling around, he’d just stay quiet. Sure, he’ll tell you that, no matter what, you can tell him anything and he won’t judge you, but he won’t pressure you into telling him what’s wrong either, even if he is pretty curious. If you need an hour until you can tell him, then he’ll wait that hour, reassuring you that it’s alright. Once you tell him that you’re a man, he would only be half surprised. He’s seen how you eye other men. While he may have thought that could have been attraction at first, once you come out to him, all the pieces fall into place. You weren’t in love with them, you were admiring them. However, he won’t judge you in the slightest, but will talk to you about what’s okay for you and what isn’t. Are you alright with him bringing up the past? Are you alright with him referring to certain body parts? If not, then he’ll keep that in mind. He’s never really been dysphoric before, so he doesn’t really know what you’re going through, but he tries his darndest to be supportive of you.

In fact, you coming out to him as a trans man makes him think about his own masculinity. What does it mean to him? How would he define it? What makes him feel masculine? Those are things he never really questioned before since he’s never seen himself as anything but a man, he always took it for granted. Although he may not say it, or even realize it at first, I think he might grow more comfortable in his own masculinity as a result.

But that aside, the first thing he does would be taking you to a clothes store to buy you some new clothes. He doesn’t really have an eye for aesthetics, and menswear being usually rather dark in color doesn’t help that much either, but he’ll pick out some shirts and pants for you that would fit you and that you might like. He’d also pick out some boxer shorts for you, the same brand that he uses since those are of a higher quality and will last a bit longer. If you’re extremely nervous about it, then he’ll even go to the cashier and pay for you. You don’t even need to pay him back. As long as he can help you out somehow, he’ll pay any price. Will also buy you some men’s body wash and deodorant. Probably the same he uses since he’s familiar with it.

If you’re alright with it, then he’ll break anyone’s nose who dares to misgender you. Especially on the days where you’re feeling a bit more dysphoric. Naturally, he won’t out you to people when there’s danger involved or when you tell him not to, but he’s not above getting into a fight for you. Especially when some transphobe decides they need to be mean to you for no reason. He’s a scary man, he can intimidate most people with his resting face alone, which he uses to his advantage.

If you can get the approval for your surgeries and testosterone the regular way, then he’ll congratulate you and celebrate with you even. However, if you were denied such, then he has acquaintances who can get you the permits. Nikolai is a good lad, he can get you just about anything. Ghost will fight for your clinical reports.

Once you start going on T, he’ll actually be overjoyed with you. As silly as it may sound, he wants to record you saying something, anything at all, so he can compare your voice now to how it develops later on. He’s pretty good with faces, he probably has a few pictures of you on his phone, even if they aren’t plenty, so he’s confident he’ll be able to tell you how you’re slowly growing into a body that is yours. If you let him, he’ll even administer your shots or rub the gel onto your shoulders. It actually makes him incredibly happy when you do, it’s a sign of trust to him. He gets to watch you be giddy, he gets to spend time with you, he gets to make you feel good. If it was up to him, then he’d hug you every time afterwards.

If you don’t know already, then he’ll teach you how to fight. He’ll teach you how to beat someone bloody and how to get up with a broken nose. Although he may go easy on you at first, he won’t forever. He’s a top notch soldier, so there’s a good chance you won’t ever be able to beat him properly, but you’ll learn. You’ll be able to defend yourself and you’ll have a pretty nice outlet for your anger as well. If you’re okay with it, then he’ll involve Soap in your fighting sessions as well. It’s absolutely animalistic when he joins, so you really don’t need to worry about any sort of etiquette when he’s around. It’s just beating each other into submission and then patching each other up.

If you don’t already know, then he’ll teach you how to ride a motorcycle. For some reason, motorcycles are very masculine to him, so he thinks it would make you feel good as well. One day, you’ll be riding one together, with him being the one to hold onto you. He’s looking forward to that day.

On the days where the dysphoria hits harder than usual, he’ll remind you that you’re a man. You’re the most perfect man in his life, and he wouldn’t want to have it any other way. Holds you close and reminds you that you will become your most ideal self, it just takes time. Either way, he won’t leave you, he won’t think of you as less than a man just because you had to put in the work to get to where you are right now. You’re his most ideal man, and he would go through all the torture he’s gone through once more just to be with you. He’ll support you through your highs and your lows. You’re a man. A darn good one at that, because not anyone can go through what you’re going through and still be standing. He admires you greatly for your strength and will remind you of that fact as well.