#Pick and Drop App Development

[the-fandom-crossroads]

Folks talking about Game Devs dropping Unity or how it won't hurt small indie devs with under 200,000. Are missing the point.

Some of these Unity games can't change to another engine because they have years of code piled on top of each other at this point. aka POKEMON GO. They'd basically have to rebuild the game from scratch.

Not to mention Unity is mostly used by phone app games or Indie's that are lucky enough to get picked up by console. Indie games on Mobile easily pass 200,000 downloads. Temple Run 1 and 2 are in Unity, Crossy Road, Angry birds 1 and 2, and Hearthstone. All of these past 200,000 downloads years ago but aren't bringing in money now except hearthstone.

The Developers will do what happened to the first Angry birds app. They'll take it down, build it in a new engine for "HD", and add a shit ton of micro transactions. We are about to lose countless original versions of the OG pre lootbox mobile games.

We are also about to lose some of the biggest Indie games of the last decade. Among Us, Plague Inc., 7 Days to die, the original Slenderman game and it's sequel, I am Bread, Ori and the Blind Forest, Dream Daddy, Overcooked 1 & 2, Pathfinder online, Cup Head, Bendy and the Ink Machine, Oxygen Not Included, Bloons Tower Defense 6, Beat Saber, Subnautica, The Stanley Parable, Untitled Goose Game, Power Washing Simulator, Fall Guys, Inscryption, Phasmophobia

And the big one FUCKING HOLLOW KNIGHT. Silk song has already been pushed back out of this year specifically because it's being made by a team of like 3 people. It is so close to being finished and now they are being told they have to start over from scratch basically. Hollow Knight got over 200,000 downloads from being on playstation and was eventually put on Playstations subscription service. Every cent they made from hollow knight has gone back into making silk song. Which might now be delayed by multiple years and oh they are going to have to use some of that funds to pay unity now. Or find a way to get out of a contract with playstation. Because folks will keep downloading Hollow Knight for free and Unity will send the Hollow Knight team the bill.

oh and there's one more teeny tiny game made in Unity that you guys might not want to suddenly disappear. One with almost 3 years of monthly code updates, one with 139 million downloads to date, and 4.8 million monthly users.

Genshin. Guys Genshin Impact is made completely in Unity and that's not a game that can have it's code just copy and pasted to another engine.

[13uswntimagines]

Eras of Us- Era 3: Ugh Oh, I'm Falling in Love (Taylor Swift X Morgan!Reader)

Eras of Us master list

This is the Era where they're falling in love, learning more about each other, and how to navigate their relationships with their friends and families.

warning- Sexual content in this chapter.

Author's note: Hey everyone, i'm so sorry this took so long. theres just a lot of stuff in this chapter that i really wanted to get right. I hope you enjoy it! let me know what you think. comments are literally my favorite thing.

February 2017 'Cause you could be the one that I love I could be the one that you dream of

As it turned out, being Taylor’s girlfriend was far easier than you imagined it would be. It wasn’t all that much different than when the two of you were just friends, actually. 

You two still texted continuously, now each message was dotted with a heart or a little kiss. You two still talked on the phone all of the time, though you had developed a bad habit of falling asleep on late-night calls with her. 

The only thing that had really changed was that now the photos you sent her were slightly more… suggestive on purpose. 

And now you actually got to kiss her, which was fun, except you had barely seen her since you two started dating. 

Between the holidays and dealing with your shitty agent about yet another fucked up trade, you hadn’t had time to fly to her, and she had been tied up with her family and recording her new album to fly to you. But the two of you made due (ie falling asleep on the phone with her nearly every night). 

It still sucked you wouldn’t get to see her until after January camp. At least you only had 1 more game to play in. 

“Hurry up you two,” Rose called over her shoulder, idly swinging Emily’s hand next to her. 

You groaned, adjusting your grip on Mal’s legs as her arms squeezed more tightly around your neck. “It’s not my fault this koala demanded a piggyback ride,” 

Mal had been insanely clingy since the start of camp, draping herself all over you at every opportunity. It wasn’t something you noticed at first, but it had become so constant, that it was beginning to grate on your patience. 

Especially after she interrupted you every time you tried to talk to Taylor. The only moment you had gotten alone was at 3 am, and you had been too drowsy to do more than stare at her. 

“I’m not that heavy ducky,” Mal hugged, pinching your ear. 

“No, but it’s been like 2 miles,” You huffed, tilting your head away from her, and picking up your pace so you were even with Rose and Emily. 

Emily rolled her eyes at you. “And whose fault is that?” 

You shrugged as much as you could with Mal on your back. “Cheney said they have the best mochas,”

“And it’ll make it very hard for Alex to beat you this week,” Rose snorted, gesturing towards the shiny watch on your wrist. “If you’re gonna make us take a hike to a coffee shop, you should at least be honest with why we’re taking it,” 

“She should be more active in her rest time,” You said, earning another eye roll as the four of you finally made it to the cafe Cheney had mentioned when you talked to her over the holidays. 

It was just a bonus that Alex would need to find 4 extra exercise miles to match you in her stupid little app. It’s what she had done to you with Kelley’s family’s stupid 10 mile Christmas morning hike after all. You had to go on a beach run to make up for it. 

“Or maybe you should be less competitive,” Emily grumbled, holding the door open for you and Mal to walk through. Her gaze stayed glued out the door even after you stepped through. 

You rolled your eyes. “And what fun would that be?” 

You dropped Mal’s legs as you got in line next to Rose, and she landed on her feet, but she didn’t let go of your neck like you had hoped she would.

“We would be behind in the practice scrimmages against the vets too,” You added as you turned your attention to the menu above the cashier. 

There weren’t any… normal drinks. They all had fancy names, so you had to read the description to figure out what the fuck it was. You sighed internally, deciding that you absolutely shouldn’t have listened to Cheney, because long complicated descriptions like delectable dark roast, mixed with Dutch hand-made chocolate ganache, and essence of citrus aurantium topped with creamy dreamy whipped cream and powdered orange blossoms: written out in small, tight together cursive was going to take you forever to decipher. 

Especially with the way all the L’s and E’s kept flipping places, and how Mal kept shifting your entire body each time she moved. 

You were going to have a headache by the time you actually made it through the menu. 

“Ok, those guys are totally following us,” 

You blinked in the direction of Emily’s voice, and away from the migraine-inducing menu. You followed her hand to where she was pointing at two men wearing aviators sitting at a stable near the back of the café. 

The one facing you was older, with dark salt and pepper hair, wearing a leather jacket, while the other was younger and blonde with his back to you. 

It made you roll your eyes again. 

Tony and Zach had been your shadows since you and Taylor started dating. You saw them outside your apartment building in Chicago, and ran into them everywhere you went, even when you attended a Bears game against the Chiefs. 

You could tell that they were trying to be discrete since you had brought up the issue with Taylor the first week you noticed them, but it was still annoying that she wouldn’t budge on her stance. 

“I’ll take care of it,” You grumbled, carefully untangling yourself from Mal’s grasp, ignoring the high-pitched whine she let out at being displaced. “Just order me the closest thing to a mocha please,” 

At least now you didn’t have to read the menu. 

You ignored the feeling of their eyes on your back as you walked up to the table your two bodyguards were sitting at, knocking on the wood when you were close enough. “I thought I made it clear that I don’t need a babysitter,”

“I prefer the term watchman,” Tony hummed, barely even looking at you. 

Zach nodded. “Watchmen is a much better term,” 

You glared at the blonde man, before turning back to Tony. “I prefer that you don’t follow me around and creep out my friends,” 

Tony paused, lifting a finger to shift his aviators down to the end of his nose so he could peer at you over the rim of them. “We’ll try to be more discreet,” 

You shook your head. “No. You will stop following me,” 

“Can’t. Bosses orders,” Tony shrugged, readjusting his aviators back over his eyes. “And frankly, the team doesn’t have enough security,” 

Your glare deepened. “Because no one knows who the fuck we are,” 

“Still, I shouldn’t have been able to get your room number from the front desk receptionist,” He countered. “or have Zach get into the changing room at the practice field,”

“Normal people don’t do that shit,” You grit back.

His point proved nothing. 

No fan was trying to sneak into your locker room to leave notes in your cubby and no other people had interest in your room number. 

Sure, the note and the peanut butter cookies Taylor had delivered to your room were cool, but two men staking out every place you went certainly was not. Not when Emily wouldn’t shut up about your mysterious friend being in the mob because now you had people following you. 

She couldn’t give up on the angle, going so far that even Mal was annoyed with her. 

You had been annoyed 5 weeks ago when she brought the idea up for the first time during New Year's when she spotted them after you came out of a fried chicken place in Atlanta. 

Tony sighed, fixing his leather jacket.“If you're really insistent about this, you know who you need to take it up with. Otherwise, I think Ms. Sonnett, Ms. Pugh, and Ms. Lavelle have finished ordering,” 

It irritated you that he always referred to your friends so formally, even if he had never met them. 

“I will,” You grit out, already pulling your phone out of your pocket. “Because you two are ridiculous,” 

Tony made a face, dipping his aviators to peer at you again. “And Taylor is ridiculous for caring about your safety?”

You opened and closed your mouth several times. That wasn’t fair. 

Tony slid his glasses back into place as a waitress brought them 2 coffees. 

Your jaw clenched and you didn’t your best not to glare at the smug way he sipped the steaming glass. You hadn’t even seen them order. 

“Your friends have chosen a table,” He hummed, tilting his head to where Emily, Mal, and Rose were all staring at you with wide eyes. 

“This isn’t the end of this conversation,” You muttered, grabbing one of the 3 chocolate chip cookies that had been delivered with their coffee. 

“We will try to be more discreet,” Zach said, passing you a napkin. 

You took a bite of your cookie. “You better,” 

“We’ll do our best,” Tony chuckled, gesturing towards your friends with his chin again. “Go enjoy your overly fancy coffee,”

You made a low noise, turning on your heel and heading back over to your friends, who were overtly staring at the men now. 

“You’re in the mob right?” Emily asked before you were even fully seated in the chair next to Mal. 

You didn’t reply, instead breaking the cookie into 3 and passing the larger part to Rose for her and Emily to share and the other to Mal, who was already wrapping herself around you again. 

“Emily stop,” The forward whined loudly in your ear as she took the cookie. 

“Oh come on, just answer the question,” Emily said, her lips pulling into a teasing grin. “it’s totally obvious,”

“I’m not in the mob,” You grumbled, taking a sip of your coffee and frowning. 

You liked mochas, they were your go-to order, but this one had caramel in it, and was far too sweet. You would drink it anyway though, because one of your friends had paid for it. 

Rose leaned forward in her chair, resting crossed arms on the table in front of her conspiratorially. “Then why was our coffee already paid for?”

You frowned, your cup hitting the table with a low thud. “What?”

“I gave them my name and she said someone had already paid for us,” Rose said, her voice low. 

Your eyebrows pulled more tightly together. “Who?”

“Someone named Athena,” Rose wiggled her eyebrows at you, and you rolled your eyes. 

It had been Taylor. Of course, it was her, she had even sent the goons she had following you coffees and an extra cookie. 

Of course that was the name Taylor used. 

She had been making fun of her nickname since she found out that it was her contact name in her phone, and you blushed through your explanation that she was a goddess and the smartest person you knew. 

“See, totally a mob boss name,” Emily said accusingly, gesturing wildly with her hands. “who else would call themselves Athena,”

You were afraid that if you rolled your eyes again they would fall out of your head, so you refrained. 

No matter how good it would have felt. 

You pulled away from Mal and wrestled your phone out of your pocket. You flipped to your messages, ignoring the one aptly named Athena for now, opening the thread you shared with Alex to get it to stop buzzing. 

Alexandria🐬: Did you have to walk to a coffee shop across the city? Haven’t you ever heard of an Uber?

MiniMorgs: Wanted to get some fresh air, and Cheney recommended it

Alexandria🐬: More like you wanted to win this week’s challenge. Was it worth the walk?

MiniMorgs: I didn’t have to read the overly complicated menu, so yes. #dyslexic problems

Alexandria🐬: LoL. Maybe we should get you yellow-tinted glasses to help with that

MiniMorgs: Whatever. Good luck catching up on miles

Alexandria🐬:🖕🏻

Another coffee cup landed in front of you with a clink, and you blinked up from your phone at the waitress. 

You frowned up at her. “Ugh, thanks?” 

You hadn’t ordered another coffee. 

“The person who paid for your order also asked us to make an extra mocha, no caramel, no whipped cream, and no sweetening syrup,” The young girl explained quickly, her hands fidgeting in front of her. “it also comes with a heart and a little winky face,” 

“Oh, thanks,” You sent her a genuine smile, the dimple on your left cheek poking out just a bit. 

She blushed.

“No problem,” she said, turning away from you and your friends very quickly before practically running back to the counter. 

You didn’t watch her as she left, instead sipping your new coffee and sighing in content. 

It was exactly what you wanted. The perfect cup of coffee if you did say so yourself. 

You glanced back down at your phone, flipping through your messages to the one labeled Athena👸🏼

Thanks for the coffee. It’s much better than the sugary shit Emily ordered.

“Do you have to flirt with every woman you see?” Mal scoffed, placing more of her weight on you as she draped her arms over your shoulders. 

You grunted, slipping your phone in your pocket and adjusting in your seat so she didn’t knock you over. “I wasn’t flirting, I was just being nice,” 

You practically felt her roll her eyes as Emily snorted across from you. 

“What? I was!” You bit out, your voice dripping in incredulity. 

“You used the smile you use when you’re trying to get into someone’s pants,” Mal hummed, her lips caressing the shell of your ear as her hand dipped its way under the hem of your Alexia Putellas Barça jersey.  “I would know,” 

You jerked away from her, nearly spilling your coffee. Your chair squeaked as you pushed away, creating space between the two of you. 

You didn’t want her touching you. 

Not like you had in the past. 

There was a time when you craved her touch. Where you twisted yourself into knots to be worthy of her affection. 

You allowed yourself to get closer to her than you had to anyone else, and in the end she had decided that you still weren’t good enough. 

She decided that you would never be good enough for her. Not like Dansby was. But even after that you had pined after every little scrap of care she sent you, and you allowed yourself to believe that it was all you deserved. 

That it was real.

Even in your short time with Taylor, you knew that real was something very different.  She didn’t make you feel like you were always making up for something. Like you had to earn her care. 

She made you feel worthy and had butterflies flapping in your chest. She made you feel seen, even before you were together, and you wouldn’t do anything to put that in jeopardy. 

“Whoa, easy there,” Emily chuckled. “Didn't think you were so sensitive to the mention of your history,” 

You shifted uncomfortably, fixing the edge of your jersey. 

“Just tickled me,” You muttered, taking another sip of your coffee as Mal didn’t even hesitate to wrapped herself around you again. 

You ignored the knowing look Rose sent you, and cleared your throat. “We should probably head back though. Think you can walk on your own this time?” 

You gently elbowed Mal, sending Emily a cheeky grin when she wiggled her eyebrows. 

Mal sighed heavily, her lips returning to near your ear. “I don’t think so. I think I still need a piggyback,”

You huffed at her pouted words, shoving your extra coffee cup into her hands as you stood. “You have to carry the cups though,” 

“Deal!” She cheered, already trying to climb on your back. 

You didn’t have the heart (or the stomach) to tell her that you didn’t want to carry her back. You couldn’t when it made her light up so much. 

“You’re such a pushover,” Rose muttered as she held the café door open for you. 

You shrugged as much as you could with Mal on your back.

You were a people pleaser to your core, and you couldn’t help that. Mal was your friend and you liked to make her happy. 

Taylor would understand. 

*****

You were sweating your ass off by the time you made it back to the team hotel, and your legs felt like you had just played 90 minutes. 

You supposed walking 4 miles with a fully grown forward on your back would do that to you, and the detours Emily kept taking because of the “Mob Guys” following you made the journey more like 6. Dawn was not going to be pleased, and you felt like you needed a recovery day to recover from your recovery day. 

You dropped Mal’s legs as you stepped into the welcome AC of the lobby, ignoring her yelp at the move. 

“I’m done being your pack Mule,” You muttered, breathing hard. “Use your own damn legs,”

“Not a mule. A graceful stallion,” Mal hummed, leaning in and placing a kiss on your cheek before she skipped off. “Thanks for the ride,” 

She missed your eye roll.  But Kelley didn’t. “Coming on a bit strong, isn't she?” 

You blinked at Kelley, pulling your sunglasses up to rest in your wavy curls, taking in the way she was shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. “Don’t they always?” 

“You didn't have a friends-with-benefits relationship with most of the people who hit on you,” Kelley shrugged. 

You made a sound low in your throat, scratching the back of your neck. “I’m not interested in continuing that,” 

You didn’t know she knew about that.

“I know,” Kelley nodded, her hand landing warm and grounding on your shoulder. “You’re interested in burrito girl,” 

You hummed. 

You were more than just interested in Taylor, and Kelley knew that. She had been getting regular updates after she talked you off the ledge the morning after, and it was kinda nice to get to share with someone. 

Kelley shifted again, and you scratched harder at the back of your neck as a very uncomfortable silence settled over you. 

“I didn’t bring you coffee,” You said, finally looking at her. 

Your eyebrows pulled tightly together. She was spinning the ring on her forefinger more rapidly than you had ever seen, and shifting like she was… nervous. 

“I know,” She said, her eyes flicking up to meet your blue before rapidly looking away. “Can we chat though?” 

You frowned. “What’s up?” 

Kelley bit her lip and led you over to an isolated meeting room, closing the door behind you. 

She took a steadying breath like she was stealing herself as she turned to look at you. “I’m going to ask your sister to marry me,” 

You stared at her, your mouth dropping open at her words. 

She was going to ask your sister to marry her. 

Her and Alex were going to get married. 

But weren’t they practically married already? They had been together since you were 10. They lived together, had 2 dogs and were actively looking for a team to transfer to together. 

You shouldn’t have been surprised, but you were.  So you did what you always did when you were caught off guard. 

You painted a playful smirk on your face, wiggling your eyebrows. “Alex right? Because I don’t think Jen or Jerry will react well,” 

Kelley sighed. “I’m being serious. We’ve been together for almost 7 years. I love her,” 

You raised an eyebrow at her, your smirk melting a little. “Ok, and?” 

She spun her ring a little faster. “I’m not asking your permission, but-“

“You want my blessing or some shit?” You cut her off, your eyebrows furrowing impossibly deeper. “Jesus Kell, her and I haven’t had a proper conversation since I was like 12. My opinion doesn’t matter,”

You actively avoided conversations with your sister. She barely knew anything about the adult version of yourself. 

There was no way she could care what you thought about her marrying Kelley. 

Kelley shook her head, closing the distance between you and catching your hand. “I think your opinion is one of the only ones she cares about,” 

Her voice went very soft, and you swallowed hard. You weren’t at a place to consider what she meant. You couldn't deal with all of the baggage that came with the implications. 

Yes, you were fairly content to interact with her through the stupid app the two of you competed on, but that was nothing deeper than just that. A competition. 

It didn’t mean anything. Not like Kelley was assuming it meant. 

You shook your head, swallowing down your feelings and locking them into a little box in the center of your chest. 

“She might be my sister, but I’ll kick her ass if she hurts you. Or says no, even though she’s not going to say no. She loves you. I guess I’ll kick your ass too if you hurt her so don’t,” You said softly, drawing up the courage to meet Kelley’s eyes again. 

A brilliant smile broke across her face, and her eyes lit up like the two of you had just won the World Cup. “I promise I won’t kid,” 

“Good,” You ran a hand through your hair, sucking in a long breath through your nose. “Is there anything else?”

“Don’t you want to know how I’m going to do it?” Kelley asked, her eyebrows furrowing. 

Your shoulders lifted and fell. 

Maybe a part of you cared about whatever romantic thing Kelley had planned for her, but the larger part just… wasn’t interested.  It wasn’t like you were involved in Alex’s life. You didn’t get to see the ins and outs of her relationship with Kelley, and that was your own choice. If you got too close, you knew you would get hurt. 

You had before anyway. 

“As long as it’s not during or directly after sex, I think it’ll be fine,” You huffed out, covering your wavering curiosity. 

Kelley rolled her eyes. “I’m going to do it when we go to New York. I have a reservation for the top of the Empire State Building,”

“That’ll be pretty,” You hummed, your voice going soft. 

You knew how much your older sister loved city lights. It was nearly as much as she loved to look at the stars. 

When the two of you were young, you would sit on the roof outside of her window for hours staring at the sky, naming the constellations. It was what got you so into Greek mythology after all. You wondered if she still remembered all of the stories. 

“She loves the lights,” Kelley agreed, watching you carefully. “We’re going to have dinner after. Jen and Jerrie will be there,” 

You nodded. “I’ll be there too,” 

“Excellent,” Kelley’s smile just got wider. 

“Yeah,” You said, trailing off and looking towards the door. “I told Alyssa I’d watch film with her before the game tomorrow, so are we done?” 

Kelley chuckled, not at all surprised that you wanted to escape this conversation. “Wouldn’t want to keep the head of the Department of Defense waiting,” 

You always pulled away when your family was mentioned, and that habit was only magnified when emotions were also involved. 

“Nope,” You muttered, practically running towards the door. 

She wished things were different.

Alex was making the steps to bridge the gap in your relationship, and for the first time in a long time, you seemed willing to meet her halfway.  Neither of them were sure exactly what had caused the rift, or why you had always been so… reluctant to let her fix it. Or to talk about it in general.

She hoped that the little steps would actually lead to something this time.  She hoped that you would let your walls down. She hoped that you would actually let yourself be happy. 

*****

Rain pounded down around you as you tracked the ball across midfield. 

Games like this were your favorite. 

The USWNT was up by 4 and there was only 30 seconds of stoppage time left. You had a goal and 2 assists and you had played incredibly well. It was 75 degrees so the rain was like the mist from a shower, warm and comfortable. 

It let you take your mind off of the stupid phone call that had come just before you loaded up the bus to head to the stadium. It drowned out Roary Dame’s voice explaining that you were a great play, just not what they needed. 

Explaining that he had put your name in the trading block for the highest draft pick they could get. So they could finally have their star striker because you were the wrong Morgan for that. 

This game made you feel… good. It made you feel powerful. 

You smiled at Sam as she came to a stop beside you. 

Alex and Mal were getting ready to take a time-wasting corner to end the game, and you and Sam were just there in case Jamaica got a counter opportunity. 

“Emily says you’re in the mob now,” She said conversationally. “And that you have two huge dudes following you around,” 

You rolled your eyes. “I’m not in the mob,” 

“But you do have 2 dudes following you,” She asked, tilting her head to the mouth of the tunnel where Zach and Tony were huddled under an umbrella. 

They were right, it was kinda scary how far they could get without any real security clearance. They shouldn’t have been able to get into the stadium, much less on the field, but here they were. 

“I have a very overprotective friend,” You muttered as the ref blew the signature three whistles to signal the end of the game. You paused before you ran off.

Taylor wasn’t your friend, she was something much much more. You didn’t feel right calling her a friend. 

You turned back to Sam, scratching the wet hairs off the back of your neck. “Well, a very protective more than a friend,” 

A smile broke across her features, and you couldn’t help but match it.  “Don’t mention that to anyone though,” You added, suddenly nervous that she would tell the team, and then the rumor mill would start.

You weren’t ready to answer questions about Taylor yet. Or to listen to your teammates tease you. You also didn’t want to share her yet. 

Sam winked at you. “Your secret is safe with me,” 

“Thanks,” You said, heading towards the tunnel, pausing at a young girl waving a soaked-through Morgan sign a few feet away from the tunnel. 

You could see a big 13 painted on the sign, so you knew it wasn’t meant for you, but still it was your name too. 

“Hey, I like your sign,” You hummed, flashing the girl a million-dollar smile, ignoring the phones pointed in your direction. “Even if it has the wrong number on it,” 

The girl blushed deeply. “I like you too. I just wasn’t sure what number you would be wearing,” 

It was a good excuse, you thought. Or it would have been over a year ago before you made the switch to number 12. 

You hated when they pretended to give a shit about you just because you were the one standing in front of them. You knew the only Morgan they really cared about was your sister, and you wished they would just own it. 

“Well thank ya,” You winked, ignoring her little lie. “I know it’s just because she’s a striker. Everyone loves a good goal scorer,” 

The red in the girl's cheeks got even more pronounced, and your grin turned slightly wolfish. She didn’t hear the bitter note in your voice. 

Everyone wanted the star striker, something you would never be. 

“Do you have something you want me to sign?” 

The girl shook her head, looking at her friend who also shook her head. The girl looked back at you, biting her lip. 

“Can I get your jersey?” She asked hesitantly, and your smirk only got wider. 

“I think I can do one better,” You said, turning back towards the field. Your eyes roved over the players until you found the one you were looking for. 

“Hey Al,” You called out, cupping your hands over your face to amplify the sound. 

Her head snapped in your direction, and you waved her over. You tried not to let it bother you that the girl's squeals got so much louder as she jogged over, a questioning smile on her face. 

“What’s up?” She asked as soon as she was close enough, and you could hear the slight surprise in her voice. It was one of the first times you had actually spoken to her since last camp.

You tilted your head towards the fans beside you. “You’ve got a fan and you owe me because I beat you 5 weeks in a row,” 

“And?” She raised an eyebrow at you. 

“I’m cashing in,” You said, again tilting your head towards the fans. “She would like your jersey,” 

Alex never took her eyes off of you as she stripped off her soaked-through jersey, and passed it to the girl. It was like she was trying to figure out what you were thinking.  But she had lost the ability to read your mind years ago. 

“Thanks,” You said, flashing her a grin and turning back towards the girl. “Now you’ve got the jersey you actually want,” 

Alex’s lips pulled downward at the sarcasm in your tone, hidden by false cheeriness. It was the same tone you used when something was annoying you, but you didn’t know how (or have the courage) to vocalize it. 

“Oh my god, thank you!” The girl cheered, looking at Alex instead of at you. 

“Both of you,” She added quickly when Alex raised an eyebrow at her. 

You waved her off, throwing a “No worries,” over your shoulder as you headed towards the tunnel to get out of the rain. 

Alex waved at the girls too, sending them a smile before jogging off after you. There was something so… off about that interaction, and she wasn’t willing to let it go anymore. 

Her and Kelley had discussed it, and while she understood the defender's advice to not push you. To let you come to her, she was tired of waiting. 

The texting was nice, but it didn’t carry over to your real-life interactions and that was… frustrating. It wasn’t getting her anywhere. 

She caught your arm as you rounded the corner to the locker room, spinning you on the spot and stepping into your space so you were pinned against the cold concrete wall of the tunnel, unable to run away this time. 

“What the fuck was that all about?” She asked, keeping her voice level, even though the two of you were nose to nose. 

Your eyes flashed up to meet hers, identical blue boring into yours. It made you feel like she could see into your soul. Like you were naked in front of her.  You so badly wanted to look away but you couldn’t.

“She had a Morgan sign with a huge 13 on it, so I went to say hello,” You shrugged, trying to sound nonchalant, but Alex saw through it. “And they asked for a jersey, but I knew it wasn’t mine they wanted,”

There was something in your voice, in your posture that she couldn’t place. 

“But they asked you for it?” She pressed, and your eyes flicked away from her as you gave her a barely perceptible nod. 

“It would have been a consolation prize. They wanted yours,” You said, twisting your arm free and finally squeezing out from where you were trapped. “Everyone always wants yours,”

You muttered the last part under your breath as you tried to make your way down the hallway, but Alex heard you anyway. 

She again caught your arm before you could walk away, again spinning you around to face her. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing Alex,” You grumbled, shaking your head and again breaking her hold on you. “Just drop it,”

“No. I will not drop it,” She bit back, not letting you walk away from her. “I’ve been dropping it since you were 10 and look where it’s gotten us. I can’t fix something if I don’t understand what’s wrong,” 

It was as if she let you leave. If she let you go before she understood you would be gone for good. You would lose the progress you had made. 

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Fix it?” 

What did Alex mean that she wanted to fix it? She didn’t have a Time Machine. 

“Yes. Fix it,” She said, fighting to keep her volume low and her tone even. You didn’t respond well to exasperation. “We were so close and now it’s like we can’t even stand each other. I don’t want us to be this tense for the rest of our lives,” 

You stared at her like she had 3 heads. There was nothing that she could do. No magic wand she could wave to change it. 

The world preferred her over you, and they probably always would. You had learned from the time you were small that you weren’t worth as much as Alex was. You were invisible when she was there. You accepted it. The only person who didn’t make you feel that way was Taylor.

You shook your head. “There is nothing to fix Alex. You can’t do anything. Now let me go,” 

Her face fell, and something broke in her eyes. It made your heart hurt, but it was the truth. 

You twisted your arm out of her grasp and turned on your heel heading into the locker room. Alex stared after you, something you said gnawing in her brain. 

Everyone always wants yours

It was nearly as bad as the “Now that everyone is watching you care. Now when it’s convenient” you gave her on the practice field in November. 

She wasn’t sure what had happened between the two of you, or why you were so… frustratingly stubborn about allowing her to build a bridge over the mile-wide gap between you. 

Your attitude shifting was also giving her whiplash. You seemed so… open over text. So willing to interact.  She didn’t know how to navigate it all, and it seemed that you weren’t at all willing to help her. 

“You good?” 

Alex jumped at Kelley’s voice in her ear and gentle hands on her shoulders. 

“No,” she shook her head, relaxing back into the defender's grasp. 

Kelley hummed, and placed a kiss just below her ear, soothing her. “What happened?”

“Y/n called me over to give a girl my jersey, and then told her that she had the one she actually wanted,” Alex explained, frustration evident in her voice. “and when I asked, she told me that everyone always wants mine,” 

“Al, we talked about this,” Kelley sighed, as your sister pulled away from her. 

“I know,” Alex grumbled running a frustrated hand through her soaked hair. 

They had many conversations about it. They both agreed that the best move was to take it slow. To let you dictate the pace, but neither of them expected you to be so… passive-aggressive. 

Not when you let people push you too far because you didn’t know how to set limits, or you just pretended like they didn’t exist. 

She didn’t know how to act when you went out of your way to interact with her and then tried to run away. 

“But we never accounted for this,” She gestured wildly towards the locker room door. “She called me over,” 

“And then you chased after her,” Kelley countered. “Because she told you a snippet of what’s bothering her that is supposed to make sense, but it doesn’t because you don’t have context. And you need to understand. I know,” 

“She said I can’t fix it, Kell,” Alex’s voice finally broke, and Kelley was quick to pull the striker into her chest as her shoulders shook. “What am I supposed to do?” 

Kelley closed her eyes, resting her cheek on the top of Alex’s head, holding her tightly. 

She could see it from your side. 

Alex had spent years unsure of how to bridge the ever-widening gap between you. You had spent years being compared to her, being crucified by the media for not being her, so it made sense for you to be wary. For you to try and protect yourself.  What didn’t make sense was the hot and cold way you were going about it. 

“I’ll talk to her,” Kelley said, holding your sister together as she crumbled. “But we need to take this at her pace. And that means one step at a time,”

*****

Slipping out of the locker room undetected was far easier than you expected it to be, but then again you had retreated to the showers long before most of the team was even off of the field. You hadn’t been planning to escape, but when the text came through on your phone, it was a no-brainer. 

You smiled widely as you made the final turn down the tunnel, revealing Taylor leaning up against the large Visitors sign texting. “Fancy meeting you here, I thought you had album stuff,” 

“Heard you didn’t like my henchmen,” She smirked, pushing herself off the wall and meeting you halfway. “So I thought I’d come to check on you myself,”

You nearly fell with the force of the hug, burying your face in her neck and squeezing her tightly to you. “I don’t like the henchmen. I don’t need babysitters,”

She hummed, leaning back just enough to look you in the eyes and brushing your wet curls out of your eyes. “You don’t need babysitters, but you do need protection. Let me be a little overprotective of you,” 

You could feel her breath on your lips, and you couldn’t help but lean in and connect your mouths. Your hands slipped into the back pocket of her jeans and you squeezed lightly. 

It was slightly scary how addicted to her you were. How you craved her touch. 

She made a low sound in the back of her throat. One of her hands hooked into the hem of your sweats, and the other wove into the short curls at the back of your neck, pulling you tighter to her. 

You stumbled forward molding yourself to her, as the kiss changed. Her tongue slipped into your mouth, running against yours, and you could feel her desire. 

It didn’t surprise you. You knew what she wanted. What she expected. It was the same thing that every girl expected from you, so you just let it happen. 

You let her pull you into the closet (unsure of how it appeared out of thin air, or where her shirt had suddenly disappeared to), pushing her against the only wall not covered in athletic equipment, and pinning her there with your hips. 

Your lips dragged across her neck, and you longed to pull the velvety skin into your mouth. To place a mark, a claim out in the open where everyone could see. But you didn’t. 

You trailed down to her collarbone, skimming your teeth along it as your hand slid into her pants, past her underwear, and through her warm wetness. 

You couldn’t help the smirk that graced your features. “Is this all for me?” 

“You’re hot when you play,” She keened as you teased at her entrance, gathering her slick on your middle finger. “And even hotter when you’re drenched and you kept pulling your shirt off to wipe the rain out of your eyes,” 

You hummed, tracing her lower lips and brushing your middle finger across her clit. Her hips jolted, knocking into your thigh and it reminded you of how players always fought you for ball possession. 

How they would press back into you while you tried to tap it through their legs. How they always bucked back to keep you from picking their pocket. 

Taylor’s head hit the wall, and you worked your lips back up her neck, lingering on the underside of her jaw. “Please y/n,”

You hummed, dragging your teeth along her chin, and slipping your finger inside. She was warm and tight, squeezing your fingers as you dragged them against her walls. 

Her hand tightened in the short curls at the base of your neck, while the other clawed at the bare skin of your shoulders. 

She tasted like sweat and rain, and something just so Taylor. 

It was like the sun on your face during the perfect practice, using your arm to wipe the sweat off your upper lip after you sank a ball past one of the keepers.  It was like your teammates pulling you into tight hugs, running their fingers through your hair after you scored on a scorching summer day, their hands slipping through yours as they headed back to their starting positions. 

She shuddered against you as you curled your fingers, finding the spongy patch inside of her, and you carefully ran your teeth across the special spot right below her ear. 

It made you feel… powerful to have her so on edge already.  Nearly as powerful as when you were 5 goals up on a team, or when a player couldn’t make it past you in midfield. 

“Y/n,” 

It was like playing with Mal, and how you knew where she was going to be before she moved, so you could pull the opposing players and set her up for a goal. 

Except it was better. It was what you imagined scoring in the World Cup would feel like. Or assisting in a goal. 

“Y/n,” Taylor panted, using the hand in your hair to tug you away from her neck. 

“What baby?” you asked, glassy eyes blinking blearily up at her as you again curled your fingers. 

Her head fell back and hit the wall with a thump.  “Oh my god,” She moaned low in her throat, fighting to get out whatever she was saying. She swallowed hard, her hands keeping you from continuing your ministrations. “The door,” 

As if on cue, three loud rasps sounded from the door just to your left. “I know you’re in there Y/n. We need to talk. Now,”

Your head fell forward and landed heavily on Taylor’s shoulder as you let out a groan at Kelley’s voice. “One second,”

Why did she always have to pick the wrong moment? 

You pulled back, meeting Taylor’s eyes. “Just stay here,” 

She nodded, sucking in a deep breath as you removed yourself from her, and ran your hand through your hair, trying to straighten your ever-messy curls. Your other hand fixed your rumpled shirt, and she frowned.  She could have sworn you took yours off when you devested her of hers. 

You opened the door just a crack, pushing your head out and glaring at Kelley. “What? I’m busy,”

Her eyebrows were pulled tightly together, a frown firmly set in her features. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

You felt Taylor’s hand on the top of your back, warm and heavy, comforting in a way you weren’t sure you would ever really deserve. 

“A lot of things,” You grumbled, shifting so Kelley couldn’t get a good look inside the closet.  “I’ll need more information to give you a more defined answer,” 

Her eyes narrowed. “You told Alex that she couldn’t fix it between you,” 

“She can’t,” You shrugged. “Are we done?” 

“No,” Kelley bit back, her hand finding the door to prevent you from slamming it closed. “Not until you talk to your sister and fix this shit,” 

You were already shaking your head. “Talking is not something that Alex and I do,”

Kelley snorted. “But you’ll text,” 

You shrank a little at her tone. 

The texting was different. It was safer, more controlled. She wasn’t close enough to hurt you. You needed that distance. 

You felt a hand on your back, rubbing gentle circles at the point that always grew so tense when you were stressed. 

You let out a breath. “That’s different. We only text when one of us is winning,” 

“Is it?” Kelley pressed, unwilling to let it go.  “Because from the outside, it looks like you share more than just your exercise routine,” 

The hand grew more insistent, and you closed your eyes. “I don’t want to argue with you,”

You could understand why Kelley was upset. She was protective over the people she loved, and while you knew she cared for you, it was nothing compared to how much she loved your sister. She would always choose Alex over you. 

And that was ok. It would be weird if it wasn’t that way. 

“No, you just want to get back to your quick fuck,”

Kelley's mouth twisted around the words, and it felt like a knife slipping into your chest. 

You flushed red, and a hand caught the back of your collar as you jerked forward. “Don’t call her that,” 

You knew what your reputation was, but you never expected Kelley to try and use it against you. Taylor was far more than a quick fuck. You cared about her more than you cared about nearly anyone. 

his was why you hadn’t told Kelley yet. 

Kelley took a step back, sucking in a calming breath through her nose. “Look, all I’m saying is that you need to cut Alex some slack. It’s not fair for her with your hot and cold routine. You at least have to meet her halfway,” 

“I’m trying,” You sighed, running a hand through your wild curls. “What else do you want from me when my own team is fucking trading me because I’ll never be the striker that she is,”

Kelley frowned. “What?”

“Those kids said they didn’t know my number because it was new. I changed it over a year ago. They didn’t have anything for me to sign, because they didn’t want my signature. They wanted Alex. Everyone always wants Alex, and that’s not something she can fix,” You explained, your voice going soft and… honest. “I wasn’t being cruel. I was being honest,”

“Oh,” Kelley’s frown deepened, as your comment to Alex suddenly made sense. 

The fans had lied to you when you were already hurt from the trade. They made you feel more unwanted. 

“Yeah oh,” You said, running another hand through your hair. “We text when one of us is winning. That’s our relationship, so just leave it. Is there anything else?” 

Kelley shook her head and cleared her throat. “Bus leaves in 30,”

You painted a smirk across your features.

“Cool, I’ll see you in 29 then,” You said, as you slammed the door, and turned to lean against it. You slid down until you were seated, drawing your knees to your chest and letting your head fall against it with a low thump. “Fuck me,”

Why did Kelley always have to make things difficult?

Sure she was kinda right, but why did she have to remind you of that and get you to admit why you were upset? It was so infuriating that she wouldn’t let you keep her at arm's length. 

“I would but I don’t think that’ll help,” Taylor chuckled, settling down beside you, resting a hand on your knee. 

You groaned, blinking at her. You had nearly forgotten she was there. And that she was shirtless…“You’d be surprised. There’s something very… freeing about losing yourself in someone else,” 

There was something freeing in having all of a woman’s attention. Of you just being enough for them even if it was only for a moment. Of having something Alex never had, and of being in the only situation where you couldn’t be compared to her (though a few girls had mused about it afterward, it’s why you started skipping the after-cuddling). 

Taylor made a low noise, shaking her head. “I think talking will help you more in the long run,” 

You shrugged. You didn’t want to argue with her. 

“I’m sorry Kelley interrupted before you could…you know…” You blushed deeply, rubbing harder at the back of your neck. You couldn’t say the word orgasm. 

Taylor frowned, her thumb pausing on the inside of your knee. “Y/n,” 

You didn’t stop though. You didn’t let her ask you the hard question. 

“I’m surprised the goon squad didn’t stop them, especially since your goons are here too,”  You said, scratching your neck, and tugging off your sweatshirt by the hood. “Here,” 

You passed her the item, watching with rapt attention as she pulled it on, and her abs flexed.

“Jason is getting the car, and Tony is at the end of the hall,” She hummed, doing the button on her pants once your hoodie was on. “I don’t really like having an audience,”

You wiggled your eyebrows, painting a charming smile back on your face, even though it took too much effort. “And you assumed I’d jump you?”

It was slightly alarming how easily you locked your emotions away. How you could pretend like there wasn’t something bothering you when it had been so obvious just seconds before? 

It set off red flags in her brain because a talent like that wasn’t inherent. It was learned. 

“No,” She shook her head, deciding not to comment on how easily you flipped that switch. “I just knew how much I missed you,” 

Your mask fell slightly. “I missed you too,” 

You meant it. Being away from Taylor was harder than your pride would let you admit. 

You had never been so… taken with someone. So addicted to them. But she made you feel seen and safe. It made you want to spend every second with her, wrapped around her. 

“Can I take you to dinner?” She asked, squeezing your knee. 

You shrugged. “I have to go back to the team hotel first to do cool down and check-in,” 

“I can pick you up afterward,” Taylor suggested. 

“That sounds agreeable,” You nodded, your lips twisting into a devilish smirk. “But what are we going to do in the,” You looked at the time on your phone. “25 minutes we have before the bus leaves?”

Taylor matched your smirk, catching the front of your shirt and pulling you closer. “I can think of a few things,” 

OoOoOoO

March 2017

I, I loved you in spite of Deep fears that the world would divide us So, baby, can we dance  Oh, through an avalanche?

You didn’t particularly enjoy fancy restaurants. You didn’t particularly like most restaurants to begin with, but ones with a dress code always made you uncomfortable. Their menus always had a small font, and the white tablecloths never stayed white. 

The stuffy atmosphere usually lent itself to stuffy conversations, and it reminded you too much of business lunches or dinners with your parents to ever really enjoy yourself. 

You had learned over the years that your opinion didn’t really matter. That everything wasn’t about you. So you were fairly adept at painting a charming smile on and acting normal. 

It has worked for most of the night with your sisters and Kelley anyway. 

It was easy when Jen and Jerri were gushing over the new diamond ring on Alex’s finger. When they kept asking for every little detail of how Kelley proposed on top of the Empire State Building. 

And you played along, never speaking directly to Alex, but not being weird enough that anyone would notice.  You wouldn’t ruin this for her, or for Kelley. 

“You alright over there space cadet?” Jerri asked, nudging your shoulder and pulling your brain from where you were trying to decipher the tiny writing on the menu. 

You blinked up at the four women, realizing that they (and the waiter) were staring expectantly at you. “What?”

“Kell asked if you were ready to order,” Jen supplied patiently. 

You were just grateful that no one giggled, but you blushed anyway. 

You tried to cover it by snapping your menu closed. “Oh, yeah,”

Kelley blinked at you, gesturing towards the waitress. “What are you going to order?”

You felt the heat in your cheeks travel up to your ears, but still, you tried to play it off. “Oh, you guys can go first,”

Jerri shook her head, placing her hand gently on your arm. “We already have sweetheart,”

You frowned, squinting down at your closed menu. You had missed them ordering, and now you didn’t have time to try and decipher the hieroglyphic font the restaurant had chosen. Not that you would have been able to. 

The letters tended to go more haywire when you were stressed, and you would be damned before you asked someone to help you. Your jaw worked as you thought of what to say.  What could you say?

“You love chicken parm, and I heard it’s good here,” Alex said casually like it was normal to suggest food items after everyone else had already ordered. “or they have a very good salmon in pink sauce if you’re feeling something lighter,” 

Your eyes darted to her for the first time since you had sat down at the stable, and your jaw hung open. 

Alex intervening so seamlessly when you were struggling wasn’t something that had happened since she moved to Berkeley (you couldn’t help how you sneered the word in your head). 

Jerri nudged you again, and you cleared your throat, your eyes still glued to Alex. 

 “The salmon sounds good actually,” You mumbled, finally getting your voice to work. 

The waitress hummed, and you heard her little ticket book close. “I’ll go put that in,” 

You were sure that Kelley or Jen responded to the girl, but you didn’t look away from Alex. 

It was just so…not Alex of her. For her to have options ready and waiting meant that she had to have thought that you might have trouble. She had to have consciously decided to look for options that you would like too, and to have more than one so you actually got to choose. 

It meant that she cared. 

You swallowed very hard. That thought was too overwhelming. 

Now, at the dinner, after she just got engaged was not the time to contemplate if Alex even had the capability to care about you. It would again make the evening about you when it most certainly was not. 

You could feel the eyes of Kelley and your sisters, despite the way they restarted their conversation. It was like they were watching a car crash or a roller coaster derail. 

You felt like a spectacle. Like you were drawing attention when you absolutely should not be. It had alarm bells ringing in your ears. 

What would your parents say when they heard you had ruined your sister’s engagement dinner? 

It was like the walls were closing in, as the conversation at the table blended with the noise from the restaurant around you. It was suffocating. 

You didn’t think before you pushed yourself to your feet, nearly knocking over the chair behind you. 

“I’m gonna take a bathroom break,” You said, turning on your heel without waiting for a response, not that you would have registered it through the pounding in your ears. 

You needed to get away. 

To leave. 

To put space between you and this version of Alex that somehow gave a fuck about you. 

You bypassed the hallway that led to the restroom, knowing that someone would eventually find you there. You turned right, brushing past the hostess and out the glass doors into the city. 

The chilly air hit you like a gasping breath after being underwater for too long. Like water after a practice in Houston in July. 

You paused just outside the crystal doors, filling your lungs like you had been drowning. 

You knew you couldn’t stand there forever, blocking the entrance to Osteria Carlina, so you headed left, in the direction of your favorite hole-in-the-wall pizza place between Canal and Broadway. 

You didn't plan to eat there, but you thought that maybe the walk would help you clear your head, and you could be back in time to eat your overpriced salmon. Something about the smell of fresh sauce and baked cheese always made your thoughts clearer. 

It reminded you of when you were tiny and Alex would take you for pizza after your u6 games. It reminded you of riding on her shoulders on top of the world, even if none of the goals actually mattered. 

Even if you lost. 

You just needed a minute to not think, so you could go back and pretend like everything was fine. Like you didn’t feel entirely out of place with your sisters and Kelley. And you knew that the sounds of the city and the familiar comfort would do that. 

You could already feel your airway opening, but you reached up and undid the top two buttons of your shirt anyway as though it would help. It was all in your head anyway. 

It was always all in your head. 

You ran a hand through your hair, your nose scrunching involuntarily at the sticky gel you had used to keep your curls in place. You had forgotten your normal wax in Chicago, and the CVS near your hotel wanted 15$ for it. 

You wanted to look nice for Alex and Kelley, but 15$ wax was not in your budget. Still, you couldn’t not do anything with your hair. Wild curls would draw attention to you, and you couldn’t do that. 

You couldn’t make this night about you and ruin it for them. 

God, you probably already had. 

“If you’re going to ditch us can you please slow down? It’s the least you could do,”

Your heart stopped at Alex’s voice, and your feet paused before you consciously decided to listen. You had to swallow down a groan. 

Of course, she had come after you. 

It was such an Alex thing to do. 

You ran another hand through your hair and turned to face her. “What are you doing?”

Her eyebrows pulled together as she finally caught up with you. “I’m making sure you’re okay,”

She said it like it was obvious. Like it was normal. Like she wasn’t sure why you would ask. 

“I’m fine,” You mumbled, your hand dragging through your curls to the back of your neck. “Go back to dinner and I’ll rejoin you in a bit,”

Her eyebrow arched. “I think running out of the restaurant constitutes just about anything other than fine,”

You couldn’t help how your nose scrunched.

This was the part of your relationship that you had forgotten about. The one that had been masked by annoying persistence since she moved out for college. 

The one where she actually cared enough to force you to admit when something was wrong. 

She was pushing you, but it didn’t feel like it was for her benefit. It was for you. 

Your hand fell. “I just needed some air,” Your voice came out horse, strained. 

Alex hummed, stepping closer to you. “You got overwhelmed.”

It was a statement, not a question, and it struck you how well she knew you, even though the two of you hadn’t had a real conversation in nearly a decade. 

You stared at her, trying to understand her game. Trying to figure out why she was pretending to care. Trying to dissect how this would benefit her and her perfect image. 

“What do you want from me?” You were thrown off by how small you sounded. How young and… terrified the words that left your lips were. 

Alex caught your arm pulling you into her, closing the little space left between you. “I want you to talk to me,” 

“No,” You instantly pulled away from her, tangling your fingers in your messy curls yet again. “I will not be a distraction,”

“What?” Her eyebrows pulled more tightly together. 

Your fingers caught in a curl at the back of your head, the one that always seemed to tangle no matter what you did. You harshly tugged at it, the little pinpricks of pain helping you stay grounded. 

Except this time it didn't help. 

It didn’t give you enough to focus on to crack some smart-ass remark or shove your feelings into a tiny box. 

It was too much. 

“It’s all I’ve ever been,” The words spilled from your lips before you could stop them, like blood gushing from an open wound that you had tried and failed to stitch together too many times before. 

Alex softened, and she took a step towards you, gently catching your arm and pulling it towards her, effectively stopping your from ripping your hair out. 

“Monkey,” She said softly. 

You jerked away, like a wounded animal. You would not let her pretend that she didn’t think that. That she didn’t hate how you followed after her when you were young, that she didn’t despise how you distracted from her.  

“No! I heard you. I’m just the spare Morgan chasing after you, taking people’s attention off of you, and joining in uninvited on your opportunities. This will not be like that. I won’t fuck this up for you. You need to go back, and I’ll be there in a few minutes,” 

The words forced themselves out of your lips like they had been waiting to leave for forever. They broke you apart as you choked trying to hold in your emotions. As you fought to close the lid back on Pandora’s box. 

Alex caught you again, pulling you into her, and you quaked against her chest, sucking in strangled breaths. Her arms wrapped around you, squeezing you tightly, just like she did when you were little after a busy trip to the mall when the crowds had made your tummy flutter. 

You didn’t fight her, instead burying your face in her neck, curling into her like you hadn’t since she left for college. 

She held you like the two of you had all the time in the world. Like you weren't on a random sidewalk with random people walking around you. 

She didn’t pull back until your trembling had slowed and your breathing had evened out, and she very gently ran her thumb under your eyes. 

You hadn’t even realized you were crying. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” She asked when your eyes met her identical blue. 

“You said it,” You mumbled, sniffing lightly. 

Alex’s eyes scrunched and a crinkle appeared between them. “When?” 

 “I was trying to surprise you at Berkley. Mom thought I had practice, and I took the bus. I heard you,” You said, your eyes closing as that day played back through your head. 

It had taken some serious convincing from Jen that Alex missed you, and that she was desperate to see you since you had gone radio silent on her. You had been so excited as you waited near the Berkeley bleachers for their practice to finish. 

She had been walking with one of her teammates, and they were talking about someone Coach McGuire was going to invite to practice. 

“It just makes no sense, why would he extend that kind of an offer to a kid?”  The girl you didn’t recognize said, nudging your sister as they stepped off the field. “Like fuck, it has to suck to always have your younger sister getting opportunities off of your hard work,” 

Alex hummed, shifting her bag over her shoulder, and you moved to be more hidden under the bleachers. 

The little sound was like a knife in your chest, deflating the balloon of excitement that had been there since you snuck out this morning. 

Alex didn’t want to see you. She thought you were getting things off of her hard work.

“Don’t they understand that you want something that’s yours?” The girl continued, and you bit down hard on your lip to stop the tears from leaking down your cheeks. “You should have to deal with her being a distraction from your greatness,” 

You would never cry for Alex again. 

You shook your head and refocused on Alex in front of you, shoving away the cracking feeling in your stomach. 

“Go back to your dinner. I’ll be there in a bit,” You said, forcing your voice steady. Emotionless. In control. “I promise Alex. I just needed some air,” 

“No,” Alex said sternly, her arm tightening around you so you couldn’t pull away.  “Don’t do that. Don’t shut down on me. I'm not going anywhere,”

You blinked at her, fighting to swallow the warmth that spread through you. It couldn’t be real. She couldn’t be honest about this. 

You had already resolved that she didn’t actually care about you. That she loathed the responsibility of you from when you were younger. You couldn’t wrap your head around anything else. 

And before you could stop it the strangled “Why?” Fell from your lips. 

She chuckled, running her thumb under your eyes again and wiping away the tears that would not stop. “Because I fucking love you, and I can’t read your fucking mind, no matter how many times I told you I could when you were little,” 

You knew the comment was meant to draw a chuckle or a smile, but it didn’t. 

Alex ducked her head when you tried to look away, not letting you break eye contact. Not letting you bury your emotions and draw back into yourself. Making sure you heard her. “I want to fix our relationship. I’ve wanted to fix it since you stopped talking to me when I moved out. I don’t understand what happened, even though I probably should, and I can’t if you don’t tell me,” 

You sniffled, unable to stop yourself from leaning into her touch as her thumb ran circles under your eyes, clearing away the tears as they continued to fall. It warmed your cheeks, and traveled down to your tummy. It made you feel… safe. Something you hadn’t really felt that way (aside from when you were with Taylor) since you were 12. 

The two of you stood like that for a long minute, stuck in your own bubble, uncaring of the crowds rushing around you. 

It took you another moment to realize Alex’s eyebrow was raised, and that she was looking at you like she always had when she expected a response. 

You swallowed hard. “Ok,” 

The word was simple but held a weight not lost on either of you. What you were agreeing to wasn’t lost, and neither was the vulnerability it took to let it out. 

Alex’s head tilted, a smile tugging at her lips. “Ok.” 

You nodded, finally pulling yourself out of her grasp and wiping your face with your arm. “I’ll try. Old habits die hard,”

“I know,” Alex hummed, and you knew she was saying more.

She was saying that she knew how hard it was for you to voice your feelings sometimes. How difficult it was for you to be open. 

She was saying that she knew you. 

And it had a warm feeling filtering deep in your tummy. 

You looked away, clearing your throat. “We should go back. It’s your night and you should get to enjoy it,”

Alex sighed.“ This doesn’t change my ability to enjoy my night. If you need more time, we have plenty,”

Your shoulders rolled, and your back straightened.  Your fingers tangled in the baby hairs at the back of your neck. 

It was something Alex had seen a million times. The way you pieced yourself back together, even when you didn’t necessarily have to. Even when you weren’t ready to. 

It was unsettling, how little this part of you had changed. 

“The only bad thing about the city lights is that you can’t see the stars,” She said, watching how the abrupt change in subject took an immediate effect. 

You blinked at her, your eyes instinctively glancing upward towards the sky, and your shoulders relaxing. 

Bingo she thought. 

You might not have had a conversation with her in years, but she still knew you. And your obsession with astronomy… well more like your obsession with Greek mythology and stars… hadn’t changed. 

You hadn’t changed all that much. Well, most of you, no matter how much you wanted to pretend otherwise. 

“Canis Minor is there,” You mumbled, pointing up at the sky barely visible surrounded by the neon lights of the city. “And Vela and Volans are there. It’s hard, but you can make them out,”

She hummed, not at all surprised that you could pick out the constellations even when you could only see a small part of them. But that wasn’t the point.

The point was how you relaxed. 

You looked back towards her, your hand dropping as you let out a shaky breath.  

“Let’s go back,” You said. “I don’t want your food to get cold,” 

Alex nodded. “As long as you’re ready,” 

You made a low sound in the back of your throat and turned back towards the restaurant. “Let’s go,” 

She signed, reminding herself that everything wouldn’t be fixed in a day. You wouldn’t be fixed in a day. It would take baby steps, and you had given her more today than you had in years. 

“Ok,” She agreed, letting you lead her back towards the restaurant, and your family. 

*****

“You sure you don’t want a ride kid?” Kelley asked, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. 

You nodded, forcing a smile across your lips. “Oh yeah, I’m good,” 

The end of dinner had actually been nice. 

No one had said a thing when you and Alex returned to the table, just before your food arrived. The conversation had been light, focused on the proposal, and no one had tried to force you to join in. 

They hadn’t even batted an eyelash when you pulled out your phone to text your girlfriend about where you would be sleeping, and made eye contact with the two men who had taken up a table in the back corner of the restaurant.

Desert had been… almost pain-free, which set you on edge. 

Nothing in your family came without a cost, and you wondered what it would be. Especially since Alex had come after you. 

But everyone said their goodbyes and headed to their cars with very little fanfare. 

All except for Kelley who was worried when you lingered near the entrance of the restaurant. 

“You don’t have to stand here with me,” you said, glancing down the street, looking for the familiar black Escalade you assumed Taylor would be sending to retrieve you. You figured Tony was driving, since he had disappeared, leaving Zach to linger a few feet away from you. “I'm just waiting for my Uber,”

Kelley made a low noise. “And while I’m sure your new mob friends could take care of you, Alex would kill me if I left you here without knowing your plan,” 

You blew out a breath, a strange warmth in your stomach at the thought that Alex would care. “My ride should be just around the corner. You can go, and I’ll be fine,” 

It didn’t even bug you that Emily had apparently convinced her you were in the mob too. 

“Burrito girl?” She asked, her features softening. 

You nodded, glancing sideways toward where Alex was standing. “Satisfied now?”

You weren’t ready for your older sister to know yet. You weren’t ready to hear about how you weren’t mature enough. Or how your reputation would impact your relationship. 

You didn’t want to be lectured about how much older Taylor was. 

Kelley wiggled her eyebrows as a black Escalade pulled around the corner. “Very,”

“You’re far too smug about this,” You huffed, again glancing towards your sister, who still seemed oblivious to your conversation. 

Kelley followed your eyes, and her smirk softened. “You know she wouldn’t be upset that you’re seeing someone right? She just wants you to be happy,” 

“I know,” You mumbled, feeling the kid you had forced over your emotions rattle in your chest. You had already been too vulnerable tonight. “I just… I’m still figuring it all out, and I don’t want the pressure yet,” 

Kelley made a low noise of agreement in the back of her throat. Like she wanted to argue with you, but knew you weren’t in a place to listen.

You wondered how much she knew about your earlier moment with Alex. How she knew so well not to push. 

The black Escalade came to a smooth stop in front of you, and Zach stepped up from behind you to stand near the rear passenger door. 

You appreciated that he didn’t say anything. 

“Tell your burrito mob boss hello,” Kelley said, patting your back. “And I’ll take care of your sister,” 

You rolled your eyes goodnaturedly at her before Zach opened the door for you and you slid into the backseat of the car. 

Zach closed the door behind you and was in the passenger seat before you could think too hard about what Kelley had said. 

“To Taylor’s apartment?” Tony asked you, glancing at you in the rearview mirror. “Or did you want to make a pitstop first?”

You blinked at him, not expecting to have a choice in where he was taking you. You figured Taylor had given him instructions already. That he would do whatever she told him to because she was the one paying his (probably incomprehensibly expensive) salary. 

You cleared your throat, meeting his eyes in the mirror. “Taylor’s apartment is fine, thanks,”

“No problem kid,” He winked, his eyes returning to the street ahead of him. 

Zach reached forward and flicked the radio, letting quiet pop fill the car, and you relaxed back into the leather seats. 

It was weird. This was weird. You felt so… off balance after your moment with Alex. It made you feel so vulnerable. 

You needed to get rid of the raw feeling in your chest. You needed control. 

You swallowed hard and looked out the window as the lights of the city passed. 

*****

One thing you absolutely loved about Taylor’s apartment was that it was always stocked with sweets. And since you had started dating, your favorites seemed to appear alongside the treats that she enjoyed. 

“How was dinner?” She asked you, passing you the container of chocolate frosting as you sat on her kitchen counter. 

She was dressed in short shorts and an old Philadelphia Eagles shirt, her feet bare. She was relaxed and comfortable. Which felt like a stark contrast to needles prickling in your stomach. The pins tingling the back of your neck. 

She had been waiting for you near the elevator when the SUV pulled into her private garage, and she welcomed you with a hug that was so… warm that it almost made you forget how raw you felt. 

She held you as you ascended to her apartment, and all the way into her kitchen, asking if you were up for a bit of dessert. 

You were surprised she hadn’t immediately tried to get you to talk about dinner with your sisters and Kelley. That she didn’t pry into it the second she had the chance like Mal would have. 

Now you found that you didn’t mind the question. 

“Fine,” You shrugged, sticking a spoon in the frosting and twisting it around, lifting it to examine the scoop you had made. “They mostly gushed over the ring Kelley picked, and how romantic it was to propose on the Empire State Building,”

You licked your spoon, pulling it into your mouth, and your eyes closed at the taste. 

It was silky and smooth, much better than the cheap frosting you always brought. 

“You don’t think it’s gush-worthy?” Taylor asked when your eyes fluttered back open. 

You paused, thinking about it for a long second as you got another scoop of frosting. 

You actually thought Kelley’s proposal was sweet. It combined some of your sister’s favorite things and one of her favorite places. It made sense. 

But it was so cliché.

 “For Alex it is,” You shrugged, sticking the spoon in your mouth, swirling your tongue around the ridges to get all of the delicious chocolate. 

Taylor hummed, stepping up between your legs, her hands running gently over the dark denim of our jeans. “But it’s not what you would want?”

You shook your head, scooping a bit more frosting on your spoon. 

“I think I’d want something more creative,” You said, your lips quirked up, as you held the spoon out for her. “You know, like under the Eiffel Tower,”

“So original,” She rolled her eyes, letting you slip the spoon past her lips.

Sharing food with her was a habit you had picked up. Something that settled the nagging feeling in the back of your mind that she was too skinny. That there was something… wrong with her relationship to food. 

Her fingers tightened around your thighs and you tilted the spoon up and her chin tilted to follow, exposing the long lines of her neck. You traced them with your eyes, swallowing hard. 

It had want bubbling in your stomach alongside the needles. It had you leaning into where you knew this evening was heading. Into the coping mechanism that hadn’t failed you yet, even though you so desperately wanted things with Taylor to be different. 

But maybe tonight they didn’t have to be. 

You hummed, pulling the spoon away. 

She let her tongue trail along it, her eyes fluttering open to make eye contact with you. “That’s good,”

“You bought it, so I would hope you like it,”

You dipped the spoon back into the container, pulling up a glob of frosting and bringing it to your lips. 

She watched you intently, waiting for the spoon to leave your mouth with a little pop before very slowly leaning in. It gave you enough time to pull away if you wanted to, but you didn’t want to. 

You needed this. To feel in control. 

You leaned forward, connecting your lips in a languid kiss. Her tongue gently pressed against your lips, and you opened your mouth to grant her access. 

It carefully explored around your mouth, dancing with your tongue in a slow waltz, licking the residual frosting from every surface it touched. 

She let out a low noise in the back of her throat as she pulled away. “That one tasted better,” 

You wiggled your eyebrows, dropping the spoon back into the container. “Did it now?” 

“It did,” She nodded, her thumbs running up and down your thighs. 

You leaned forward, connecting your lips again and slowly sliding off the counter. Your hands landed heavily on her hips and her arms draped across your shoulders, pulling you closer, her fingers playing with the baby hairs at the back of your neck. 

It was easy for you to snatch control of the kiss, Taylor gave it to you willingly. 

It should have smoothed over the frayed edges of your nerves. It should have quieted your thoughts and made you more present. 

Instead, you slipped farther into your head. 

You replayed the feelings of Alex’s hand in your hair, the weight of her arm around you. How you had made a promise you weren’t sure you really wanted to keep. 

Your lips never left her as she took a step back towards the hallway that led to her room, and you slipped your fingers under the hem of her shirt, skating along the waistband of her shorts.

You loved the smooth skin there, and the goosebumps that trailed after your light touch. They distracted you so much that you didn’t notice her turning down the hallway until you were stumbling over your feet to keep up. 

Her lips tilted into a smirk as she used her newfound leverage to switch your position. 

Your back hit the wall with a low thump. Her lips reattached to yours, one hand tangling in the hair at the base of your skull, and the other cupped your chin as she pressed you into the wall, her thigh landing heavily between your legs. 

It was more demanding, more needy, more in control. 

It jarred you out of your head. Out of the rabbit hole of how being honest with Alex would help you link the back line to the front line better. Of how it would allow more line breaking balls through towards the edge where your sister always danced to stay onside. 

“You didn’t think I was a pillow princess did you?” She asked, winking at your surprised eyes. 

You let out a sigh at the pressure against your core, doing everything in your power to prevent your hips from pulling back when she rocked against you. 

This you weren’t used to. This you had never done with anyone besides Mal. 

You sucked in a breath through your nose, deciding to focus on the things that you enjoyed. You leaned into the kiss. 

You liked the way her tongue explored your mouth. You liked how her fingers twitched against your jaw before they made their way to your collar. 

Your head tilted to give her more room as she began trailing warm, wet kisses down your neck.

A shiver ran down your spine when she hit the spot just below your right ear, and you let out another low sigh. She echoed the sound, her fingers deft as they undid the first button of your shirt. 

She let the blunt nail of her pointer finger graze your collarbone, trailing after her as she moved to the next button, leaving flames in its wake. 

Goosebumps erupted on the newly exposed skin, and you felt her smirk against your neck. 

Her long fingers splayed across your abs, tapping out a rhythm you couldn’t define. 

“Do you know how amazing these are?” She asked, her warm breath hitting the damp skin of your neck and sending a shiver down your spine as her fingers tapped you a bit harder. “I think about them all the time. It’s not fair that I’ve only gotten glimpses of them, especially with how much you show them off,”

“You were a bit distracted,” You smirked, projecting confidence that you didn’t feel, your fingers closing around her hips, trying to maintain a sliver of control. 

She flexed her thigh again to prevent you from flipping your positions though. 

“Hmm,” She hummed, a devilish smile cracking across her lips as she dropped to her knees. Your breath caught in your throat, and you splayed your hands on the wall behind you, trying to hide how much they were shaking. 

You didn’t know how to handle this. How to do this. 

“Well I’m not distracted now, and I’m going to give them the attention they deserve,” She said, her hands moving the edges of your shirt out of the way. 

You raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you now?” 

Your voice barely wobbled as you spoke, and you took it as a win. 

“I am,” she nodded, determination glinting in her eyes. She leaned forward, placing an open mouth kiss on the abb right above your left hip. Her tongue followed the ridge of the muscle to the other side. 

you bit your bottom lip and allowed your head to fall back against the wall with a low thump. 

You liked this touch. More than any touch you had ever had before. You had never let anyone get this far before, not even Mal really. 

Things had been quick with her, like touching you was an unpleasant chore. One neither of you had ever been fond of. 

This. This was different. 

Taylor took her time, lavishing each individual muscle as her warm mouth traveled around your stomach. A chill trailed after her lips, the air landing on your wet skin sending goosebumps across your flesh, stoking a foreign fire in your belly that was almost enough to quiet the growing dread. 

Almost. 

She made her way up your stomach, placing a line of kisses up your chest and collarbone before she again landed on the special spot on your neck. 

“Let’s get you out of these pants,” 

You sucked in a harsh breath through your nose, forcing yourself to remain relaxed. You tried to enjoy the feeling of her hands tracing the residue left on your stomach. Tried to focus on the softness of her lips on your neck and the scent of her perfume. 

Tried to let it drive away ghosts of calloused fingers and gruff voices. 

It almost worked. 

Then her thumb flicked open the button of your jeans, and you couldn’t temper your reaction. You couldn’t quell the growing anxiety in your chest. You froze, every muscle in your body going rigid for a split second before you could force them to relax again. 

You hoped that Taylor wouldn’t notice, but she did. 

“Y/n?” She said softly as she pulled back, her hands retreating from their position at your waist to cup your cheek, and her leg falling from between yours. 

Your eyes slowly fluttered open and met very worried blue. You could see the questions forming. The concern dripped from her form. 

But you knew you couldn’t answer.  You weren’t ready to unlock Pandora's box yet. Not when you knew you would never be able to shut it again. You only knew one way to stop her from asking. One way to regain control. 

You surged forward, your hands on her hips giving you the leverage to push her back against the wall opposite of you. Your mouth landed hot against her neck, lavishing the soft skin with open-mouthed kisses, and your thigh slotted between her legs pressing into her core with the perfect amount of pressure to distract her. 

“I’m ok,” You muttered hotly into her ear, pressing more firmly into her center. “Let me make you feel good,” 

She sucked in a breath, her hips stuttering like they wanted to grind against you, but she wouldn’t let them. 

You dragged your tongue down her neck, letting your teeth just barely graze her sensitive skin, and rocked your hips. Your thumbs scared along the sliver of skin just above her shorts trying to convince her to just go with it. 

To let her let you distract her. 

You thought for a second that it had worked, as a low groan left her lips. You thought that maybe you had… derailed her enough to forget about your momentary lapse in the hold you had on your emotions.  But just as you went to slip your hand into her pants she stopped you. 

Her palm pressed firmly into your chest, insistent until you pulled away enough to make eye contact with her. 

“I want us to both feel good,” she said sternly. 

You swallowed at the comment, fighting to keep your face neutral. 

“Making you feel good will make me feel good,”  You said, trying to lean back in, but the hand on your chest stopped you. 

“Y/n you tensed,” She said, her blue eyes burning into yours, looking for answers, the charge between you melting away. 

You sighed as you pulled away from her until your back hit the wall opposite of her. You ran a hand through your messy curls and glared up at her ceiling, unable to look at her. 

You were afraid that if you did, she would be able to read your mind. She would see the… brokenness you fought so hard to hide.  But you had never been able to hide from Taylor. 

Even before you were dating, you had let her closer to you than anyone had ever gotten before. She was scarily perceptive and had been able to read you from the beginning of your friendship even better than Mal could (and that was saying something). Her abilities only seemed to get more acute as you got closer. 

This was the only area she hadn’t seemed to pick up on. 

You let yourself slide down the wall, your eyes closing as you sucked in another breath.  You still felt so raw from your talk with Alex. Too… vulnerable. Like opening up again would finally crack your chest in half. 

“I’m,” You started and stopped, unsure of what you were actually going to say. “I’m not good at receiving,”

You settled on the phrase, drawing up the courage to finally open your eyes, pulling your knees close to your chest and resting your chin on them. 

You were surprised that Taylor had slid down her own wall so she was sitting across from you and mirroring your posture. 

She made a low sound in the back of her throat, and her eyebrows furrowed. “You’re not good at it?” 

There was no judgment in her voice. None of the disgust you expected. 

“I can’t ever get out of my head enough to… enjoy it I guess,” You cleared your throat and looked away from her, ignoring the heat in your cheeks. “No one’s ever noticed before”

It was a semi-truth. In your slew of hookups, no one had ever cared. No one had pushed back when you stopped them. No one had ever not let you distract them. 

But then again, Taylor was nothing like your hookups. 

You actually had feelings for her that stretched beyond self-loathing and the need to be in control of something. To be good enough. There was nothing quite like the rush that came from making a beautiful woman fall apart under you. It was irrefutable evidence that you were capable. 

Taylor’s eyes tightened. It physically hurt her that none of your past partners (if she could call them that) had cared enough beyond their own needs to see the obvious. And that you were willing to bypass your own comfort so someone else could feel good. 

She wanted to kick herself for not noticing that something was wrong sooner. 

“You’ve never talked through limits or likes and dislikes with any of the people you’ve slept with?”

You ran another hand through your hair (making it impossibly more messy) and let out a very long breath. 

You shrugged. “We were never doing anything beyond vanilla and it never progressed past a few one-sided orgasms,”

You had never let any of them touch you. Hell, you hadn’t even gotten undressed for most of them. The thought of doing anything… kinky sent a shiver down your spine so you hadn’t. It was just easier to keep distance from the people you slept with. It was safer that way. 

Taylor shifted, very slowly scooting towards you, reaching out to place a gentle hand on your foot like she thought you would freak out if she moved too fast. 

“Well, I think there’s a need now,” Taylor said, watching your every movement. 

Your eyes were scarily hollow, accented by the red that rimmed them from the time you had made it to her apartment. She had wanted to ask about it. Pushed just a little to find out if you had been crying, and why. But you didn’t seem to want to talk about it. 

You had pivoted to sex almost as soon as she tried to bring it up. It sent red flags up in her mind. Red flags that only got brighter. 

She couldn’t help but replay every interaction the two of you had had in her mind. There would be time to agonize over every little detail later, but even now, your… reluctance to undress, or allow her to touch you was glaringly obvious. How the moment she flipped your typical script, you couldn’t hide it anymore. 

She was slightly ashamed she hadn’t noticed it before. That she had ignored the signs of your discomfort, even if they were well masked. 

Have you ever wanted to have sex? Had she put you in a position where you didn’t feel like you could refuse? 

She never wanted you to feel forced, whether that was about talking about how you were feeling or having sex. She wanted you to feel comfortable enough to tell her when you weren’t ok with something. 

Your nose dipped behind your thighs, your forehead pressed into your knees, and you squeezed your arms more tightly around them like you were literally trying to hold yourself together. 

Her heart broke a little more at the barely audible “ok” that left your lips. 

She scooted closer to you, her hand carefully drawing up your shin and weaving in your curls. Her nails scratched gently on your scalp, and you practically melted. 

Your shoulders relaxed and you let out a long breath before you shifted to look up at her, your chin balanced on your knees. 

She brushed a curl from in front of your eyes. “When did you start to feel uncomfortable?”

You scrunched your nose. It was a hard question. 

 You weren’t sure how you were supposed to explain that your mind went to soccer as soon as anything remotely intimate started. How were you supposed to explain that you were just defective? 

But maybe you didn’t have to. 

She didn’t ask you that. All she asked was when you started to feel uncomfortable, and that answer was easy.

It was the moment your back hit the wall. The moment you were jarred out of the safe space in your head.

The moment she forced you to be present, unlike every other girl you had ever been with.  

But you weren’t entirely uncomfortable. Maybe at the start, but you had enjoyed parts of being with her. You wanted to enjoy being with her.  But you were just… incapable. Defectives 

You settled for a shrug, curling tighter into yourself. You didn’t want her to see how… fucked up you were. It would only push her away.

That’s what pushed Mal away.  And Alex. And your parents. 

You would never be good enough, and you had just wanted to pretend as long as you could. You weren’t ready to lose Taylor yet. 

“Ok. It’s ok,” Taylor’s voice was gentle, and her hand trailed to tangle in the baby curls at the back of your neck. “Let’s try something else. Can you tell me what you liked?”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “This time?” 

“Any of the times,” She said soothingly, her fingers never stopping their gentle scratches at the back of your neck. 

You closed your eyes, leaning back into her hand. “I like it when you do this,” 

She hummed, and you could hear a smile in it. “Anything else?”

“I like kissing you,” You mumbled, feeling the red flair in your cheeks. 

Her lips always tasted like coffee, and something so… Taylor. They were addictive in the best way. 

“And I like holding you,” You added. There was something comforting about having her in your arms. Something that made you feel safe. “And I like it when you hold me,” 

“But the rest?”  She asked you gently. 

Your shoulders lifted and fell. You did what was expected of you. What you knew worked. 

You went with the flow just like Emily told you too, and then had been too caught in your head to savor the moment. To take in all of the little details that you wanted to remember. No matter how hard you fought, you just… couldn’t. 

You quite liked touching her too, but you knew there was something wrong with your inability to remain in the moment when you did. You knew that she deserved for you to be present. 

“I’m just not good at receiving,” You repeated, misery leaking into your tone. 

It was the only response you could come up with. The only explanation that remotely made sense. This was when she would realize you were… defective. This was when she would leave. But she didn’t. 

She gently squeezed the back of your neck. A silent request for you to look at her and a comforting touch that told you that it was ok. It took you a second to gain the courage to look up, but when you did, you didn’t see the disgust you expected. 

Her eyes were soft, sad, and they held another emotion you couldn’t quite put your finger on. “I like holding and kissing you too,”

She shifted a little closer to you, so her knee was touching yours. “And I’ll hold and kiss you for as long as you’ll let me, at whatever pace makes you feel comfortable,” 

You made a low noise. 

It was strange. Conceptually, you could understand what she was saying, but you had never been with someone who didn’t judge you based on your ability to give them an orgasm. You wondered how long her patience would last. How long would she stay when she realized how deeply you were fucked up. 

“How about we go cuddle on the couch and watch a movie?” She asked, squeezing the back of your neck gently. 

Your nose scrunched as she pulled away, pushing herself to her feet and holding her hand out to you. “You know I don’t like movies,” 

You didn’t have the attention span for them, and you would inevitably get bored halfway through. 

She hummed, wiggling her fingers so you would take her hand. “How about survivor then?” 

Your tension melted at the mention of your favorite show, and your easy smile returned to your features.

“Yes! We have to watch Heroes vs Villains so you can see Russel at his finest,” You said, allowing her to pull you into her side.

“Whatever you want sunshine,” She kissed your forehead and guided you back towards her living room. 

It felt like going to her bedroom was too much, too fast. She didn’t want you to think she had some… expectations despite the clear signs that you were not ready to progress past cuddling. Not while you would so easily compromise your limits. 

Not while your limits still felt so unclear. 

She knew that it would take time to work through that, and she was willing to wait and help you for as long as it took. 

*****

Soft morning light filtered into your consciousness, waking you gently. You breathed in deeply, shifting on a bed that you knew wasn’t yours. 

It smelled like lilacs and Taylor’s perfume, sweet and inviting and safe. You could hear soft music from somewhere else in the apartment and felt cool sheets next to you. 

You frowned, pushing yourself to a sitting position with a yawn. It was rare you woke up after Taylor. That you slept in in general. 

But it shouldn’t have surprised you with what had happened last night. Sure, the two of you had fallen asleep together just after Pavarti and Russel had schemed to take down the Hero’s tribe during the merge. Taylor held you just like she promised, but you should have known it wouldn’t last. 

A good nights sleep had opened her eyes. She had reflected and decided you were too… broken to be worth it. 

“Fuck,” You mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes with the palms of your hands. 

You should have stopped her before she got to your pants. You should have been more subtle and slipped your position instead of tensing. 

You should have been prepared to lose hold on the iron box that held your emotions. You should have had more control. 

But you didn’t, and now you were most likely going to lose your girlfriend. 

She would break up with you in the sweetest way possible. She would say that it was her. That she was the problem, and you would accept that. 

You would nod along, and make it easy for her.  Just like you had with Mal when she told you that Dansby was her soulmate. That he was so good and perfect. 

You dragged your hands up your face, and into your hair, ruffling your messy curls as you pushed yourself out of bed.  There was no point in drawing this out longer than it needed to be.  

You stretched, pulling your shirt down over your boxers as you padded out of Taylor’s room towards the sound of the music. You could also make out soft voices as you got closer. Your eyebrows furrowed. Who was Taylor talking to? 

You peeked your head around the corner, your frown deepening when you saw a redhead sitting at the island across from Taylor, a large stack of papers sitting to the right of her, drinking a cup of coffee and humming to a song you had never heard before. 

Why was she here? 

Taylor turned from the stove, catching sight of you before you could hide back behind the wall. “Hey babe, good morning,” She said brightly, smiling widely at you. 

“Morning,” You said slowly, stepping out from behind the hallway wall. 

She gestured to the woman across from her. “This is Tree,”

“Hello,” You waved awkwardly at the redhead. 

“She just swang by to hear a bit of the new album,” Taylor explained easily, turning back towards the cabinets. “Do you want some coffee?”

Tree smiled brilliantly at you, showing off perfectly white teeth in a way that surprisingly didn’t feel forced. 

But you could sense the lie in Taylor’s explanation of why her publicist was there. Of why the woman who handled all of Taylor’s outward appearances appeared with a massive contract right after you had shown her how defective you were? 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” She said, pushing out the stool next to her, a clear invitation to sit. 

You shifted awkwardly from foot to foot and dragged a hand through your hair. 

Neither of them seemed… angry. Or like they were plotting the fastest way to get you out of the apartment. But you didn’t trust it. All of your instincts told you not to. 

“Nice to meet you too,” You said slowly, stepping towards the stool and gesturing to the stack of papers. “Listen, I’ll sign whatever you want me to sign. Can I just take a shower before you kick me out?”

“What?” Taylor and Tree said in unison, Taylor nearly dropping the mug she was holding and Tree’s eyes tightening. 

“I just hate to put on clean clothes without showering,” You scratched more insistently at the back of your neck, your fingers tangling in the tight curls at the base of your skull. “And Alex and Kelley would think it’s weird if I show up to their house in what I wore last night, and I won’t be able to accurately answer their questions,”

Taylor’s eyebrows pulled tightly together and she set the mug down, stepping closer to the island. “Y/n, slow down,” 

You ignored her. You knew you were rambling at this point but you couldn’t stop yourself. “I promise I’ll be in and out in like 5 minutes. I won’t even do my hair,” 

“Y/n stop,” Taylor moved around the island, catching your hand as it began to tug at the roots of your curls.

“What are you talking about?” She asked you softly, ducking to catch your eye. 

“You’re going to break up with me because of what happened,” You rushed out, catching her frown and immediately backtracking. “Which is totally fine. I understand that you want someone… with less baggage. I just want to take a shower before you make me leave,”

“I’m not breaking up with you,” 

You blinked at her.  What was that supposed to mean? 

Was she going to make you do it so she could be the good guy? Was her publicist there to witness it so they could write a story about it? 

“Do you want me to break up with you then?” You asked, softly. You hated the fragility in your voice. 

Taylor’s head cocked to the side and she raised an eyebrow at you. “No,” 

It was your turn to frown. “I don’t understand what’s happening,”

“I’m not breaking up with you. You’re not breaking up with me,” She said like it was simple, tugging you towards the stools. “You’re going to sit down and drink your coffee while I make breakfast. You can talk to Tree if you like, or just listen to some of the tracks from my new album. But no one is getting kicked out or leaving,”

“Oh,” You breathed out, your shoulders dropping. “I don’t like eggs,”

“I know,” Taylor rolled her eyes, an amused smirk on her lips as she turned back towards the counter. “I’m making pancakes,”

“With chocolate chips?” You asked, watching her warily as you took the seat next to Tree slowly. 

You felt like you were in a stupid rom-com that Alex would like. Like you were the idiot boyfriend who was lost. 

“Of course,” Taylor hummed, sliding you a mug. “Drink your coffee,” 

“So I heard you’re going to be playing for Washington this season,” Tree said, and you really looked at her for the first time. 

Her eyes were kind, and she actually seemed… interested. 

“If they ever get me a place to live,” You shrugged, clearing your throat. “Their manager keeps giving me the runaround and preseason starts in like 2 weeks,”

Her eyebrows pulled tightly together and she tapped her perfectly manicured nail on the edge of her mug, just beside the tea bag string. “They haven’t figured that out yet?”

“No. The only option they sent me doesn’t allow pets, which is a serious problem for my 3 huskies,” You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. 

To be honest, your move to DC was nearly as painful as the one from North Carolina to Chicago. You just hoped that this time there wouldn’t be a dismembered toe in whatever apartment they put you up in. And hopefully, you had working AC…

The redhead's frown deepened. “Don’t you have a manager that takes care of that?” 

Your nose scrunched. “He’s not helpful,”

Your manager, Travis, had never been… involved. You were one of his 70 clients, and he preferred to do nothing besides collect his paycheck while teams fucked you this way and that. He rarely ever answered your calls, and when he did, he acted like a total slimeball. One more than one occasion he had insisted that he could turn you straight. 

Taylor turned away from the stove, meeting Tree’s frown. You could tell there was a question on the tip of her tongue, one you probably didn’t want to answer just as much as you didn’t want to talk about what had happened last night. 

Tree shook her head slightly, a movement just barely perceptible, making a low sound in the back of her throat and pulling out her phone. “I’ll take care of it,”

You blanched as Taylor turned back to the stove, flipping a pancake. 

You reached for Tree’s arm before she could fully stand from her stool. “No, that's ok. I can figure it out,” 

You didn’t need anyone else to get involved. You didn’t need to make a big deal out of this. You were sure it would only make it worse for you when you arrived. 

You’d heard that the Washington coach Richie was no better than Paul or Rory, and you knew the only way to deal with it was by not making waves. By gritting your teeth and keeping your head down. 

Tree smiled, squeezing your arm and grabbing her phone as she stepped towards the back balcony. “I’ll be right back,” 

You sighed when she disappeared through the glass doors, sinking into the stool, looping your hand through the mug handle, and taking a long drag of your coffee. 

It was perfect. Sweet and light exactly how you liked it, and the soft music playing in the background only made it better. You had never heard this song before. It was just a guitar track, with Taylor’s voice and you found yourself entranced by it. 

I know that it’s delicate, delicate.

You pressed your fingers into the side of your mug as you took another long sip, your eyes following Taylor as she hummed along to the song while flipping the pancakes onto a plate. 

She turned back towards you, sliding the plate across the marble island, and leaning against it. She waited for you to take a bite of your favorite breakfast, smiling when your eyes practically rolled back into your head at the taste. 

Her new music wasn’t the only reason Tree had visited. But she knew she had to explain that very… carefully. She didn't want to set you off, especially when you still seemed so frazzled from the night before. When you thought she would kick you out for tensing. 

She had her suspicions about why your reaction had been so strong, suspicions she had briefly discussed with Tree, but she knew she had to tread carefully. She had the feeling that if you felt too vulnerable, you would shut down entirely. 

But considering the pictures the news media had tried to splash across the headlines, she wasn’t surprised that you had tried to use sex as a distraction (or something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on). It seemed like it was your go-to method, and explained why you had been so content to leave a trail of bodies in the wake of your reputation. 

She also wasn’t surprised that it had ended… the way it did. You had already been emotionally vulnerable. Too vulnerable to have the kind of sex that was deeper than just movements and orgasms. 

She sighed. She would have to tell you why Tree was there, preferably before Tree herself told you. 

“Paparazzi got pictures of you and Alex last night,” She said, trying to stay casual. Trying to make it seem like no big deal. 

You paused, fork full of pancake freezing midair in its trajectory to your mouth for a brief second before you dropped it with a clatter back onto the plate. 

“Fuck me,” You groaned, dragging your palms over your face and through your hair. “Fuck me hard,”

It was another problem. Another thing for you to deal with. When honestly, you just wanted to pretend like last night had never happened. 

All you needed was for the fans to get ahold of a photo of you crying. 

She suppressed a chuckle. “It’s ok, Tree already took care of it,” 

You paused, your fingers scrunching in your hair before you dragged them back down your face and picked up your fork. 

Your eyes stayed closed for a long second before they opened slowly and you resumed eating like nothing had ever happened. 

It was like watching an actor pull on a mask, how you folded all of your emotions up neatly and pushed them inside. It was… incredible and sent alarm bells blazing in Taylor’s mind. 

“Oh. Um. Thanks,” 

You could feel her eyes appraising you. 

“It’s no problem,” She said with a little shrug, bringing her own mug to her lips. 

You went back to your pancakes, the only sound between you the scraping of your fork on her plate and the song playing again in the background. Your mind wandered through the chorus, enjoying the way the beat drop tickled the little spot in the back of your head. Your eyes swept across the kitchen landing on the giant stack of papers in front of Tree’s empty stool. 

“What are the papers?” You asked after a moment, pointing to it with your fork when the music died down and the song restarted. 

Taylor reached for it, placing it between you and spinning it so you could read it. You didn’t. The print was small and close together, and you didn’t want to give yourself a headache. 

“You said that no one has ever discussed limits and boundaries with you, so I thought it might be nice to do that,” Taylor explained carefully. 

You raised an eyebrow at her. “So you printed a packet?”

“Well, no,” She shook her head. “I know you said that you had never done anything beyond vanilla, but I have, and I think it’s important to thoroughly know my partners limits,”

You let a teasing smirk play across your lips, sinking into the teasing to cover how… off kilter you felt. 

You had never discussed limits. With anyone. And it scared you what she could discover. What if something you said turned her off? What if she didn’t want you after you filled out her packet? 

“I didn’t know you were kinky Miss Swift,” You said, wiggling your eyebrows. “Or is there some other title you prefer?” 

A bright red blush spread across her cheeks, traveling down her neck, and she looked away from you. 

Before you could follow up, to make the gorgeous red color travel further, the sound of the glass door opening echoed through the kitchen, and Tree stepped back inside. 

“Ok. I’ve got your housing settled, and I ordered a moving crew to help you,” Tree said as she sat back down beside you, seemingly oblivious to the tension between you and Taylor. 

Or maybe she was just better at ignoring Taylor’s reactions.,

You blinked owlishly at her. “I’m sorry, what?”

“All you have to do is text this number with the date you want to move and they’ll help you get all of your belongings down to DC,” She said, handing you a sticky note with a number on it. 

You had no idea where she had gotten it, but you were thankful for it. 

“Oh, uh, thanks,”

She nodded. “If you have any more issues, call me and I’ll take care of it until we can get you a good manager,”

You swallowed your surprise. You weren’t even sure how to go about finding a new manager, and you doubted you could afford one. You weren’t entirely sure how the whole thing worked actually. But Tree seemed to know exactly what to do. 

You turned back to your plate, taking another bite of your pancakes.  They were like heaven, second only to the Pancakes Kelley made. But something nagged at the back of your mind. Taylor didn’t have a plate in front of her, and there wasn’t one in the sink. You supposed she could have placed it in the dishwasher. 

“Aren’t you going to eat?” You asked, your fork pausing midair. 

She shook her head. “I’m not hungry,” 

A frown pulled at your lips.  Now that you thought about it, Taylor was not hungry a lot. She rarely ate snacks when you did, and you were pretty sure she had never finished a meal with you. 

“Then I'm not hungry,” You responded, already pushing the half-finished plate away from you, despite the way your mouth watered for more. “Unless you want to share these?”

She sighed heavily, but took your fork nonetheless, stabbing a tiny piece of pancake not drowned in syrup and bringing it to her lips. 

“Happy?” She asked you, and your smirk turned real. 

“I’m always happy when I’m with you,” 

*****

“I don’t understand what that means,” You muttered, reading number 372 of Taylor’s limit questionnaire. 

Touching while under sense deprivation

Most of the list had been easy. Things you knew you liked (like kissing), and things you knew you would never want (impact play with a cane). The rating system had also been easy to understand: things you liked and had done, things you wanted to try, things you would only try with lengthy discussion, and things you never wanted to try. 

Taylor highlighted her preference in green Sharpie and you did yours in orange as the two of you worked through her packet cuddled on her couch. She had been insistent that the two of you fill out the packet after lunch, and Tree left to give the two of you some privacy. 

“It means the use of a blindfold or headphones that cut off one of your senses,” She explained, already highlighting a would like to try in her green highlighter. “It can be fun. When one sense is taken away, others tend to heighten,”

You swallowed hard, biting your lip as the red in your cheeks got impossibly darker. 

“I,” you swallowed hard and looked away from her. “I don’t want to do anything where I can’t see you,” 

You had enough problems remaining in the moment with her. The idea that you wouldn’t be able to see her terrified you. 

It scared you to think about where your brain might take you. 

“Ok,” She agreed easily, placing a perfect orange swipe over never try, already moving on to the next one. 

It made your head spin how… comfortable with this she was. 

It was like she had done this before. She said she liked to know her partner's limits, so maybe she had. You had never asked about past relationships before. 

“This isn’t your first time going through this list, is it?” you asked, but the question was more of a statement than an actual question. 

She paused, halfway through reading hands restrained while partner touches- giving and looked at you. 

“No, it’s not,” She admitted gently. “I… I would rather be over prepared than cross a line that I didn’t know was there,”

Your head tilted, and you raised an eyebrow at her. “And you were doing kinky shit like touching your partner while their hands were restrained?”

“Sometimes,” She shrugged, her eyes narrowing. “But I feel like that wasn’t the question you actually wanted to ask me,”

It was slightly scary how well she could read you sometimes. 

You bit your lip. Your questions weren’t polite, but then again you were discussing allowing her to restrain you while you had sex. It was more… intimate than anything you had done with any of your partners, but Taylor seemed… comfortable. 

She had done this before, and you wondered… how many others had been in your position. 

“You’ve had relationships before?” You asked slowly, picking your cuticle and looking away from her. 

“Yes?” She asked back, using a finger under your chin to gently get you to meet her eyes again, as she raised her eyebrow. 

“I was wondering if you would tell me a little bit more about them,” 

“I’ve had a few, some vanilla, some not so vanilla. A few with men, but the serious ones have only been with women,” She said, her voice soft, like she knew you were insecure about asking. “Is there anything specific you would like to know?”

Your fingers picked more instantly at your thumb. “Were you-… did they-…”

Her thumb ran over your elbow. “Relax and take a deep breath,”

You did, except it didn’t help you. You felt like a fish gaping out of water. You forced your mouth to close, dragging in a deep breath through your nose. 

“You said you weren’t a pillow princess,” You mumbled, and a rye smile crossed her lips. 

“You want to know if I was tying people up or if they were tying me up?” 

You gulped but nodded. That had indeed been your question. 

“Well. The dynamic I had with my partners changed with each partner,” She explained thoughtfully. “I found early on that I preferred to give rather than receive, but sometimes it’s nice to just let go and let someone else take care of you,” 

You made a low sound as you took in the information. Really, it should have been obvious with the way she already took care of you.  She waited for you to ask a follow-up, as the silence stretched between you. When it became clear that you weren’t going to ask, she asked a question of her own. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Her head tilted, and she waited for you to nod. “The situationship?”

Your nose involuntarily scrunched. “What about it?”

“I was wondering if you would tell me a little bit more about it,” she mimicked your phrasing gently. 

You pulled your chin from her hand and looked away from her again.  It was… hard for you to talk about what happened with Mal. It still stung in a way you didn’t expect, even though you didn’t… want her anymore. Not like you had. 

“It was a teammate. We were under a lot of pressure, and it just kinda… happened,” You mumbled.  “I got hooked and she didn’t, so she chose someone else,”

Taylor made a low noise of understanding in the back of her throat. “But not before stringing you along,”

Your lips pressed into a thin line and you shook your head. “No,” 

You didn’t want to give her more details, to let yourself remember the agony of how it all devolved. How it felt like she was running you over broken glass every time you interacted. Giving you hope just to swipe it away at the last second. 

“For how long?” Taylor asked softly, drawing your eyes back to her. 

“Almost 4 years,” You sighed, running your hand through your hair and massaging the back of your neck. “The last time we hooked up was like 3 months after you and I became friends,” 

Her eyes tightened as she did the math in her head. That would make you 13 or 14 when it started. A shiver went down her spine. “So young,” 

You shrugged, your fingers digging more deeply into the skin on your neck. “Weird things happen at youth camp,” 

“Apparently,” She muttered. 

Your reaction to her trying to touch you was starting to make sense. If you had started young, and had a… bad experience… 

You cleared your throat. “How long was your last relationship?”

She blinked at you, pulling out of her thoughts. “5 years and some change,”

“Do you talk to any of your exes?” You asked.  “Like the serious ones?”

“No, those bridges went down in flames, but I keep up with a few of the less serious ones,” She shook her head. “I’m assuming you still talk to your ex situationship?”

“She’s one of my best friends,” Your shoulders lifted and fell, and your lips formed a very thin line at calling Mal a friend. You disliked how she UNC all over you, and things were… weird when you interacted, but you couldn’t exactly do anything about it. She was an integral part of your friend group and of the team. “Does it bother you?”

“No,” She said thoughtfully, reaching over to catch your hand as it again ran through your hair. “Because I trust you,” 

“I trust you too,” You said back, and you meant it with everything in you. You trusted Taylor more than you trusted nearly anyone. 

She smiled gently at you. “Do you want to continue this list?” 

You nodded slowly. “Let’s do this,” 

You glanced back down at the stack of papers between you. Yes, it was uncomfortable, but you trusted Taylor. 

OoOoOoO May 2017 You come around and the armor falls Pierce the room like a cannonball Now all we know is don't let go

“You are too fast for your own good,” Ali Krieger sighed, settling down on the bench beside you as you squirted more water into your mouth. 

You shrugged. “You and Dydasco keep leaving a gap for me to split, and Mal is good at finding space,”

The Washington Spirit captain hummed, sipping her own bottle. 

The defender had taken you under her wing as soon as you stepped foot in DC. She had shown up at your apartment ready to help you unpack, only to find it immaculately set up. She had taken you to lunch instead and introduced you to the rest of the team. 

They were wary at first given your reputation, but they were slowly finding out that you weren’t what everyone claimed you were. 

“Dude, that little through ball is sick!” Mal said before Ali could respond, throwing her arm around you and sitting on the bench practically in your lap. “We can totally use that against Sky Blue,”

You shuffled away from her as far as you could without being obvious, taking another long sip of your drink. “Kelley will be looking for it. She’s seen us do it too much,”

Ali had noticed that there was something… odd about the way you interacted with Mal. 

The two of you were inseparable, and your chemistry on the field was entirely unmatched. But there was just something she couldn’t quite put her finger on that bothered her about how Mal was with you. 

How you tried to squirm away from her without drawing attention to it, and how Mal would only move closer. How there was a depth to your relationship with the forward, a history, that Ali hadn’t been aware of before. 

Mal grabbed your water and squirted some into her own mouth while squeezing your shoulder. “Maybe we can discuss a new game plan over drinks?” 

Ali raised her eyebrow. “You’re both underage,”

“Hasn’t stopped Y/n before,” Mal shrugged, nudging you with a giggle. “She can take down a case of beer all on her own,”

You scrunched your nose, and brought your free hand to the back of your neck, pressing deeply into the skin. 

“Um, no thanks,” You said. “I have plans,” 

Mal froze, dropping the water bottle into your lap, and inadvertently getting your pants wet. 

“Plans?”  Mal’s eyes narrowed at you, and the edge in her voice made you shiver. “Which one of our teammates are you fucking tonight?”

A grimace crossed your features, but you smothered it under a mask of indifference, as you brought your shoulders up to touch your ears. “None of them,” 

Mal relaxed, ever so slightly. “Ah, so you finally got the app Lindsey suggested?” 

“No. I don’t use straight dating apps,” You huffed, righting the water bottle. “I don’t need the internet to pick up interested parties, but I’m not seeing some rando either. Not that it’s any of your business,” 

“Who was in your pants used to be entirely my business,” Mal mumbled, pressing a finger into the spot right below your ear, dragging it down the curve of your chin, and using it to tilt your head to make eye contact with her. “You liked it being my business,”

You stared her down, something passing between you that Ali didn’t understand. 

“And you made sure that it wasn’t anymore,” You said, your voice cold as ice as you pushed her hand away, and squirted more water into your mouth. 

“Ok,” Ali said, breaking the tension between you and the forward. “So Kelley will be wise to the through ball, what do you suggest?”

She had never seen you be so… direct. 

You put more space between you and Mal, your lip caught between your teeth for a long moment before you shrugged. “I’m sure Richie has a plan. He’s the master strategist isn’t he?” 

“You’ve had enough film sessions with him, so you tell me,” Ali countered. 

A dark look crossed your features, there for a split second before it was gone. Replaced by an easy smirk that Ali was learning wasn’t so easy. It was the face you made every time something made you uncomfortable and you didn’t want to talk about it. 

You took another sip from your water before you squirted it at Mal. “I’m sure he’s got a plan for his superstar,” 

You pushed yourself off the bench and ran off towards the midfield coach before either of them could stop you, and Mal went tearing off after you. 

Ali shook her head.  If only she had as much energy as you two. But still, there was something… nagging in the back of her mind. Red flags she couldn’t quite place. 

*****

You hummed quietly to yourself as you lit the final candle on your dining room table. 

The table was set. The dinner was in the oven set to the exact temperature Kelley recommended (after she walked you through how to turn it on), removed from its take-out containers and placed in glass dishes, and the trash had been removed taking with it any evidence that your meal hadn’t been created in your kitchen well before Taylor arrived at your apartment (and you had sworn Tony and Zach to secrecy). 

You had cleared off the counter in your kitchen, save for a thick off-white envelope, and a bottle of the red wine you knew Taylor preferred.  It would be the perfect date night. 

Taylor had flown in from Nashville to spend the midweek break with you, and you were fucking stoked. The two of you had seen each other in passing, but getting really quality time together during the season was rough. Nothing would stop you this weekend. 

“This is gorgeous,” Taylor hummed as she stepped into the kitchen area. “And it smells amazing,”

You smiled widely at her, pulling out a chair. “Thanks. I was just about to pull it out of the oven if you wanna sit?”

“Such a gentlewoman,” She said, as she sat, and you felt a bit of red color your cheeks. 

You had been called many things, but a gentleman (woman- whatever) was never one of them. People tended to believe your reputation and take you at face value. 

You were pretty sure Taylor was the only person to ever look past it. 

You turned away from her, moving towards the oven. “Only for you,”

She hummed, and you felt her eyes as you got the food out of the oven, and turned off the device before you brought it over to her. 

“It looks amazing,” She said as you placed the cookware on the table, and more red bloomed across your cheeks. 

“Thanks,” You mumbled, joining her at the table. “It’s coconut curry with chicken, broccoli and rice. It’s got a lot of good fats and protein,”

It was a habit you had started in March, listing out the good parts of your meal. You noticed that she never saw food as fuel or something to be enjoyed. It always seemed like a chore she dreaded or a part of her day she just omitted entirely. You worried and you hoped that your little talks might change her view. So far you had been (mildly) successful. 

Taylor hummed and spooned herself a good portion. “I like coconut curry. I have it a lot after shows,” 

“Good,” You smiled as the red bled up your cheeks towards your ears. “It’s one of my favorites during the season because it meets all of my macros and is filling,” 

Taylor hummed again. “What’s the envelope on your counter?”

You rolled your eyes at the thought of the off-white envelope, with your address written in perfect cursive. “A wedding invitation,”

Taylor’s eyebrows pulled tightly together. “I thought they got engaged in March? They’re already setting a date?”

“We have to plan around tournaments, so they picked the only time everyone will be available,” You mumbled, chewing your too-large mouthful. “Spring of 2018”

“Still seems like a fast turnaround,” Taylor said thoughtfully. 

You shrugged. “They’ve been together for like 10 years. Alex has probably been planning this for years. She can read minds, and she’s a control freak so she probably knew Kelley was going to propose as soon as Kelley started looking at rings,” 

“Ah, I see,” 

You fidgeted in your chair, your fork aimlessly scraping your plate. “Do you want to be my date?” 

It nigged in the back of your mind that the two of you might not even be together in a year and a half, and that you were probably asking her to be your date way too far in advance. 

“Unless you hate me by then,” You added, forcing a playful smirk across your lips. 

She rolled her eyes at you, swallowing her bite. “I won’t hate you by then, and I would love to be your date,”

You nodded. “I’ll talk to Alex and Kelley about getting a plus one,” 

Taylor hummed and took another bite, chewing slowly. “I also wanted to talk to you about maybe trying something new,”

You raised your eyebrow at her. “What did you have in mind?” 

“Well,” She started. “When we filled out the limits sheet you mentioned that you didn’t like all touches, so I thought we could maybe walk through those boundaries, and I’ve never seen you naked, which is kinda criminal,”

“So? You want to what?” You asked, watching her carefully. 

“Shower together,” She said, meeting your eyes. “This way it’s something we’ve done, just-“

 “I’ll actually take my clothes off this time?” You asked, meeting her eyes. 

“And you can show me where you’re comfortable being touched and where you’re not,” Taylor continued gently. “I think it might be a good exercise in intimacy without expectations,” 

You nodded, taking a shaky breath. “Ok,”

“Ok,” 

*****

Water cascaded down your body in ripples, rolling over the goosebumps that littered your skin. Your fingers tapped against your hips, as you tried to force yourself to relax. 

“We don’t have to do this Y/n,” Taylor said from behind the shower curtain. 

You thought that this would be… easier if you get into the water first. That it would ease the bubbling anxiety in your chest. 

It didn’t. But you weren’t ready to give up yet. You wanted to trust her. 

“No,” You said, your voice more shaky than you would have liked it to be. “It’s ok. You can get in,” 

You turned towards the water, letting the spray hit your face, as you heard the distinct crinkle of the shower curtain. 

You felt her warm presence behind you, though she didn’t reach out to touch you. 

You took a deep breath, steeling yourself before you turned back to face her. 

“I want to do this,” You mumbled, meeting her eyes, trying not to scan down her body. You appreciated that her blue orbs remained steadfastly locked with yours. 

“As long as you’re sure,” Taylor said softly. “You can tell me to stop at any point, and we will. Red, yellow and green still apply,” 

Your lip disappeared between your teeth and you nodded. 

You understood the stoplight system that the two of you had discussed. Red for stop, yellow for slow down or discuss first and green for good. You swore you would try for her, so you would. 

“Remember that I need a verbal?” Taylor asked you. 

“Yes. I’m ok. Green,” You said, your voice shaking more than you wanted it to. “Just…”

You looked away from her, finding a spot on the wall above her head. “Just go slow,”

“Of course,” Taylor promised you. “We’ll go at your pace. Even if today we just stand there, that’s ok,”

You nodded again. 

You didn’t like how… vulnerable you felt without your top on. 

It was too close. Too intimate and that’s part of the reason you had never done this with anyone before. 

But Taylor wasn’t just anyone.

You wanted to give Taylor this. 

You closed your eyes and let out a long breath. It shook as it left your lungs, disappearing into the steam building between you. 

You reached out slowly, catching her hands. “Let me show you where my boundaries are,” 

You went to tug her hands forward, but she resisted. 

“Can you look at me while we do this?” She asked, her voice gentle. “I want you to be present, here with me,”

It took you a very long second for you to open your eyes, and another for them to drag down her forehead and meet her blue. 

She smiled softly at you. “Thank you,”

Your head bobbed briefly, and you squeezed her hands. It shouldn’t be this hard for you to let someone touch you. 

The two of you stood there for several minutes before you gained the courage to pull her forward again. She went with you this time, letting you bring her hands to the hard lines of your stomach just below your belly button. 

“Here is ok,” You said, trailing her fingers up the center of your abs to your diaphragm before you moved them out to your sides and back down to the original level. 

“My whole back is ok too,” You murmured, feeling her nails dragging across your lower back, meeting at your spine. 

Your eyes slipped closed at the feeling. At how you could feel the body heat rolling off of her because of how close she was to you.

“Color?” She asked, and you could feel the words on your lips. 

Your eyes blinked open, meeting the fire burning in hers. “Green,”

“Good,” She said. “Stay with me, ok?”

“Ok,” You breathed back, as her fingers moved up your spine like she was counting each of them. 

You did your best to remind yourself that it was her hands on you as they finally reached your shoulders. They outlined your collarbone, and her thumbs brushed against your neck. 

It felt like a warm flame traveling from the point of her touch up to your cheeks, and down in your chest. 

“Will you let me wash your hair?” She asked, and her thumb swiped around your cheek. 

“Yeah,” You breathed out, making no move to grab your shampoo. You were afraid that if you’d turned, you would forget it was her. 

Her head tilted to the side. “Color?”

“Green, right now,” You murmured, more red flooding into your cheeks. “I just… I need to be able to see you when your hands are on me. When we’re… like this,”

“Ok,” Taylor agreed easily like it wasn’t a big ask at all. “I’ll stay where you can see me,”

You nodded, swallowing hard again. “Maybe we just do this today,” 

“That’s ok too,” Taylor hummed, her thumb running over your cheek to the sensitive skin behind your ear. “We’re doing this all at your pace,”

You swallowed hard again. “Thank you,”

Her lips tilted upwards. “Anything for you. I want you to enjoy our time together too. We’ll work up to the rest. My main concern is your comfort, and maintaining your boundaries. We’ll take it one step at a time,”

You could do that. You could do this. One step at a time. 

[rafeysbafey]

✮ COOKIES ARE READY — ETHAN LANDRY

SUMMARY. you do the “avoiding my boyfriends kisses” prank on tiktok with ethan

WARNINGS. soft!ethan, fluff, vv suggestive content at end

WORD COUNT. 0.8k

you were lazily scrolling through tiktok as you laid comfortably on the couch, humming to yourself as you waited for ethan to get back from econ.

you were about to leave the app and go find something else to occupy the time, but stopped when a certain video caught your eye.

‘avoiding my boyfriend’s kisses prank.’

you watched the video with curiosity, giggling when you saw how confused the girls boyfriend was—soon ending with them both on the floor play fighting when he found out.

a new idea sparked in your head as you now impatiently waited for ethan to come back, deciding to bake yourself some cookies in the meantime.

about an hour went by as you finished baking, pulling the tray of baked goods out of the oven with a satisfied smile on your face.

just as you were about to set a timer for them to cool, the door opened to reveal just the person you’ve been waiting for.

“something smells good!” he said, immediately picking up on the faint smell of chocolate that floated through the air.

quickly—you set the timer before perching your phone up between a few cook books, making sure to drape a small hand towel over to cover it more.

“hey eth,” you smiled, trying to act normal as you started to clean up your mess, “i made your fav.”

you heard him approach you from behind, his arms wrapping around your waist as he squeezed you gently.

“you’re the best, babe,” he said, leaning down to kiss the side of your neck before letting his chin rest on your shoulder.

ethan was a very clingy boyfriend, always finding someway to have you both touching whenever you both were together—which was pretty much 24/7.

you never complained though, actually developing a love for physical touch after dating ethan.

you went to bend down and open the kitchen sink, ethan letting his arms drop as he waited patiently for you to rise back up.

when you did, grabbing the wipes you would use on the counter, he stood to your side—waiting for you to turn his way.

“when will the cookies be ready?”

“they need to cool for a few minutes, id say give it ten,” you responded, turning to answer him in the process.

he gave you a warm smile before leaning over and kissing your lips—except failing when you quickly turned your head to the side.

he was met with your cheek, causing him to furrow his brows as he watched you wipe down the counter.

thinking you just moved suddenly to clean up the hardening chocolate batter, he went to try again.

instead this time, you stepped back before turning to toss the now used wipes in the trash.

“y/n,” he suddenly spoke, causing you to look at him with a smile—you weren’t sure if he caught on or not.

his hands suddenly cupped your face and pulled you into him, going to give you a kiss but failing once again as you turned your head.

“y/n!”

“ethan!” you parroted back, giving him a teasing smile as he huffed in annoyance.

his hands stayed put on the sides of your face, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion as he tried a second time.

again, you did the same thing, causing him to finally drop his hands in defeat.

“did i do something?” his voice dropped, your smile faulting at realizing he was actually hurt.

“eth, no, no—you didn’t,” you quickly assured, now your turn to cup his face as you pulled him into a quick kiss, followed by many more on his lips and cheeks.

“it was just a prank, baby.”

he pouted in your hands as you tried kissing it away, becoming successful when he couldn’t help but smile into you.

“i saw it on tiktok,” you continued, pointing at the counter where in the corner was your phone—partially covered by the towel you had placed over it.

ethan moved closer to the device, quickly realizing it was recording and had been this entire time.

before you could get his reaction, he spun around and grabbed your waist, throwing you over his shoulder as you screamed in surprise.

“ethan!” you laughed, hitting his back lightly as you demanded he put you down—although you didn’t sound angry considering how your giggles were betraying you.

he quickly threw you on the couch, his body climbing over yours as he started attacking you with kisses, his hands holding your face impossibly close to his.

before you could pull away for air, you heard the familiar timer go off in the background, ethan pulling away for a second to look across the kitchen.

“cookies are ready,” you said, a wide smile taking over your features as he leaned back down—now inches away from you.

“you’re not going anywhere until im done.”

and let’s just say, that silly tiktok prank you filmed had to be quickly deleted after it took a turn.

instead turning into a more inappropriate film that would probably be more suitable on another video platform.

[theblacklewinsky]

ִ ࣪𖤐.ᐟ

Obsessed! Terry Richmond A.U x Black! Female Oc!

dead dove do not eat! this snippet contains mentions of stalking, nonconsensual photo taking, physical assault, harm, threats of death. consume on your own accord.

passin' by the house, like, "come outside before it get violent!"

lights off, mask on, silent.

──

Vēnor: (v.) to strive for, or pursue any objective, whether concrete or abstract in nature.

Stalking: (v.) when two people take a long romantic walk together, but only one of them knows about it.

──

"𝐁𝐄 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄."

in which a recently divorced woman meets a charming man on a dating app, yet, he is not what he seems.

──

The amber colored light flickered on, Truth's eyes darting around every corner of the room. Photos of her, her ex-husband, her closest friends, clipped to a line of wiring that stretched across the small square footage of the darkroom.

Pictures hung from the walls, all seemingly photos of her or people she was closely tied to. Tears blurred her vision her eyes darting around the room, anxiety creeping up her neck. She lowly inched inside the room, the heavy metal door slamming behind her making her flinch.

A soft gasp fell from her lips once she sat eyes on a certain photo in particular, a photo of Truth and her daughter, hand in hand, unbeknownst to the man in the shadows taking pictures of them.

She snatched the photo from the paperclip, yanking it off the line. Rage bubbled within her as she tore her eyes from the photo, letting it clobber to the ground before she went haywire. Ripping multiple pictures from the wiring, before ripping the wiring down itself. Next, came the pictures on the wall.

She'd completely ransacked the room. Pictures and wiring lay tattered on the ground, empty bottles of photo development fluid lay empty and discarded. The two cameras that sat perched up on the dresser, lens' completely destroyed.

She sat in the middle of the floor, chest heaving, face wet with tears as she picked up the now tattered photo of she and her daughter again, this was before she had even met him.

"What the fuck?" She quietly whispered to herself. Tossing the photo aside, she crawled a few feet away, a picture of her now missing ex-husband lay beside a couple photos of her closest friends. She picked up the picture, stomach dropping as the actuality of the events over the past year set in.

It had all been him. Her ex-husband, her best-friend's random attack, the feeling of being watched, stalked.

"What the fuck is going on?" Truth mumbled to herself, exasperated. Sniffing, she dropped the photo, picking up the photo she didn't see. A photo of her mother.

So caught up with the eerie photos she was now examining in the photo room, she hadn't heard the culprit return. The sound of his heavy, combat boots against the creaking hardwood flooring of his hallway was simply background noise as she hurriedly crawled around, flipping photos over. Everyone she knew.

"Baby, you've done a number in here, huh?" The familiarity of the deep British accent made her turn her head slowly, vision blurred from the tears begging to burst through her lash line. Her brown eyes bore into his as she furrowed her brows, tears cascading down her cheeks. Unwavering as he neared her, his large hand holding an eerily gentle grip on her chin, his opposing thumb gently wiping her tears away. She was repulsed.

"Who the fuck are you?" Truth asked slowly, gaze and tears unfettered as she stared at him holding up the plenty photos in her hand.

His gaze sickeningly sweet as he stared at her before slowly shaking his head, before looking around the room himself, "I really, really, wish you hadn't gone snooping around," he tsk'd eyes landing on you, "so pretty," he hummed, thumb tracing the shape of her full lips before he pressed a kiss right against the corner of her mouth, tucking his face in her neck as she sat frozen, shock consuming her. He took a deep breath, eyes closing at the familiarity of her scent, the signature smell of the Valentino perfume filling his nostrils.

"A shame I won't get to see this pretty face anymore,"

The words brought a chill to her entire being, stomach dropping all at once. But Truth couldn't show anymore fear than she already had revealed, she shook her head slowly. "You wouldn't hurt me, you love me too much."

Terry chuckled, the sound muffled against her flesh. He pulled back slowly, brows furrowing as he mocked her solemn expression, "that's where you're wrong, mama," he spoke lowly, loud enough only for the two of them to hear, twirling an unruly curl around his finger, "I love you just enough to kill you."

──

Notification Pinging!

Eden's Love Garden: you have a new match!

COMING SOON.

[lazylattedgleam]

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LOST AMONG THE PAGES

(A Zayne x NONMC!Reader fic)

(Word count: ~3.4k)

(Credits: All images from the net. Except for the color editing and brush strokes and writing are made by me.)

(Credits: Pinterest)

*TW: Angst, maybe not well written, NON!MC Reader, Reader has Anemia, heavy blood loss during periods, fights, shouting, feeling of betrayal and heartbreak, shaking, crying, unrequited love.

*Index: Reader speeches are white, bold and italicised.

Zayne speeches are blue, bold and italicised.

MC speeches are pink, bold and italicised.

Others are white and just italicised.

Thoughts are written inside single inverted commas and italicised, sometimes struck through.

Texts and chats have ‘Indented’ font.

Calls have double inverted commas, white and italicised. They are differentiated from other speeches. (Except for main characters like MC and Zayne, they will follow their color code as mentioned earlier and italicised.)

Actions are written inside asterisks, white and bold.

Diary entries have ‘Chat’ font.

If you’re uncomfortable with the following genre or any of the trigger warnings, then please don’t read ahead.

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“His love for her was as pure as the flower Jasmine herself…”

Memoir: Three. Ending

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(Credits: The Feels)

Time…12:23 a.m.

Date: 06/XX/2048

Day: Saturday

Dear diary,

I rarely do write these days, my mind is too much consumed by the void of my thoughts and feelings…my thoughts filled with them..them and them…work has been fine, sales going good, yet everything feels too gloomy…I do make him lunch everyday, barring the days they go out to eat, it hasn’t increased, but my soul feels like it did…we don’t text much, just few ‘Hi’ and ‘Hellos’, here and there…and sometimes he checks up on me over text or call…I think Zayne too has figured out I’m in need of space maybe that’s why he hasn’t once visited me in over two weeks…Although I look at their Moments posts, I didn’t know Zayne had that app…they seem happy, just like their pictures do…

Yesterday was at the park…

Few days ago at Destiny Cafe…

Couple days before that by the Lakeside…

Azure Square…

My eyes hurt watching them…it feels like I’m developing a new variant of iritis…

Fun fact: he fails to tell me that he’s going out, everytime…either I get to know it from Yvonne, or MC, or from the Moments posts…So I’ve stopped caring the need to know…if they tell me, I just hum along and let go.

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Time…02:38 a.m.

Date: 13/XX/2048

Day: Friday

Dear diary,

I don’t feel like writing anymore, not even twice in two weeks…what happened to me? He rarely calls, all I get are mostly texts, that is also if I’m lucky enough…I’m dying to talk to him, would he even remember it’s our anniversary next week? Or maybe they have plans…

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(Credits: The Feels)

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PRESENTLY:

Next week arrives way quicker than I ever wanted it to, every day feels like a blur recently, like I can barely remember the tasks I’ve performed…It’s our anniversary day…I will go to the hospital and drop off a flower bouquet to him in his office…

…I had a special lunch prepared for him,

‘Dice beef, rice, roast meat sauce, broccoli and white broccoli, crispy fried shredded onions, and tamagoyaki’, I’d learnt during the early stages of our relationship. It was always my plan to make our first anniversary very special, filling him with surprises…I place a six packed box of coconut macarons on the side each had a tiny milk chocolate snowman on them: orange juice, and like usual a handwritten note…within a heart shaped card. I then head out to our shop, picking out a freshly custom made jasmine-bouquet, as I add a card to it, ‘Happy 1st Year’, maybe if I wasn’t dull from the inside I’d have been more creative…

“Soooo a whole year huh?” “Mhm”, I smile softly as I pay after I was done.

…Upon reaching the hospital I was immediately greeted by Yvonne and Dr. Greyson. “Happy 1 year anniversary! Congratulations to the both of you!”, she says excitedly, hugging me. I hug back. “Congratulations”, Dr. Greyson nods as I smile at both of them, “Thank you very much you two.” “Dr. Zayne is free right now, plus it is lunch time so yeah.” “Thanks a lot Y, I’ll be off then.” “Okay! Do tell me your plans for tonight later!” “Will do!”.

Taking a deep breath in I knock on his door… “Come in”, I hear his voice, it sounded softer than usual…could he have been expecting me? I take a deep breath in as I walk inside…

“Happy 1 year (Name)!”…of course she is here…I regain my posture as I smile at her, it’s forced… “Thank you very much.” “I’ve been so excited for today, I mean Zayne, a year with someone! Now that’s a milestone!”, she jokes and laughs… “oh! I’ll go out now, you two talk…do tell me your plans for the night later bye guys!”, as she leaves…

I feel a strange sense of satisfaction and comfort at that…but the main thing still remains…Zayne…it’s been very awkward over these weeks, and ever since all that happened…I don’t know how to approach him…

I take in a breath as I walk to his table, handing out the bouquet to him…as I placed the lunch box on his table, I smile… “Happy Anniversary…”, I want to say more, pour out my heart but I don’t… He stares at the gift, soon opening his lunch, I could see a tiny glimmer in his eyes…I made him his favourite after all… “Thank you…”, he says with the similar softness he holds out for her…my heart skips a beat…but then again…it’s compulsion…

“Happy Anniversary…(Name)…”

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…Maybe I still have hopes and dreams…I reach his pace, my mind at a pseudo-peaceful state for the time being…I want tonight to be ours just ours…I want to make it perfect…so perfect perfect perfect…I work hard…pacing around his living room space decorating, minutely adjusting each and every piece, so that there remains no fault…

I fill the room with golden fairy lights, some over the front door, his bedroom and hung over the mould of the balcony. Next I decorate the gaps in between with small thick bunches of Jasmines, some beside the table and chairs too, arranged in a pattern…now all I need to do is wait for his arrival for the last minute touch ups…

…The clock strikes 11:00 p.m. The lights turned off, the room illuminated by the fairy lights. Keeping the balcony door open, as a gentle soft breeze came in through greeting my features…

I’m wearing my best dress for him…it was a navy blue tube top with intricate white snowfalls patterns delicately lacing around the waist and bust area—custom made…a silver necklace with an elegant cursive ‘Z’ locket, matching silver earrings and a bracelet—custom made…maroon lip gloss, mascara and my hair let down.

The door opens, as I catch a glance of him enter…he looks too good to be true…He stares for a while… “I’ll be out after changing…” “Will you want to have dinner first?” “Yes.”.

While he goes to freshen up, I prepare the table, placing neatly each item around the table…I had starters, main course, dessert and drinks. As I light up the candle placed at the centre of the table, making sure no wind blows it out, but thankfully luck was on my side, the wind was just a gentle summer breeze… Beside the candle was a bucket with ice and a bottle of champagne, now I know he’s a lightweight and he doesn’t prefer drinking…but it’s our anniversary, I want it to be the best…

He came out after a while wearing -his nightly rendezvous outfit-, my breath hitches…I want to compliment him but what if it becomes awkward…my gestures and thoughts went back to how it used to be like at the beginning of our relationship…maybe time is a loop…

As we sit down to eat, he gets my chair put like the gentleman he is and then himself sits…Having his favorite cuisine on the table, maybe I thought he’d smile…but he didn’t…

“Champagne?” “It’s our anniversary after all, a couple glasses wouldn’t hurt.”, I chuckle hoping he’d too…but he didn’t…

He’s sending me mixed signals…which I neither comprehend nor interpret…atleast he’s here…that’s all that matters now…a part of me couldn’t wait to write about tonight in my diary again…

…we eat quietly, not much words are uttered, except for the occasional, like for passing items or ‘the food is good.’, my mind wanders back to the times before her, as I analyse them, was he always cold to me too? I used to believe that was how he showed affection, was I wrong?

I pour myself a glass and drink it…he didn’t say anything…I was a lightweight too…but he didn’t know…and another…and another…and another…

My inhibitions lowered but I still had my senses to myself…placing the glass down, I chuckle a bit…

“Not even a ‘you look beautiful tonight’??? Dr. Zayne now that’s straight up meeeeeaaaannnn! *hic* I set up soooooo much ‘fff you, dressed up ffff youuuu, surprises surprises surprises! Even made and got your favorites! But nothinggggggg!”, I pout as I slur… “Whyyyy Zayne whyyyy is it because I’m not herrrrr???? I knowwww I’m not pretty like her orrrr successful like herrrrr or know you from Adam like her! But hell I’ve been good!! I’ve done so much for you! And you don’t even giveee me minimum gratitude! That’s meeeean”, I giggle as I pace around the room…

“Please sit down you’re drunk.” “Shhhhhhhhh I speak todayyyy, I’ve been holding backkkk for tooo longggg!”, I press my finger on his lips. “These are soooo soft and plum…I was anxious whether you’d at all kisssss me toniiiightttrr! How many timesss have we evennn kisssed in our relationship?? Even forehead and cheek kisses have ceased to exist…What haveee I done wrong Zaynie??? Alll I ever yearned for is you, your affectionnn and your loveee… you know my past, my desperations, my heart, then why…why…”, my voice cracks, my eyes filling with water, becoming hazy… “I *hic* gave you a Jasmine bouquet today…you didn’t say much…at least you accepted *I giggle* they’re your favoritessss I knowwwwwww…they symbolise purityyy, looove and afftection, did you know? Of course you did…that’s what I feel forrr yewwww!” I sloppily poke at his chest with my index finger…

“I’m barely drunk…did you know I was a lightweight…? Do you know my favorite flowers or my favorite colour! No you don’t! You barely ever ask! It’s always me me me! I think of you more often than I breathe! And you don’t—” “I want the old Zayne back…I saw how you watch her…how your eyes light up…how your face embraces colours…because those are all the ways I act around you! Have you ever noticed!?”, as I sob heavily…

He was left speechless, I could see his hands clench… “You’re so much wiser than me…tell me Zayne is it all in my head?? Do you never see how I always beg for footnotes in the story of your life?! Tell me…do you…only Tolerate Me…?”, my body begs to be wrapped up in his arms…but that is just wishful thinking…

As I was a mess on the floor, he was still there…I wanted to leave, I wanted to stay…I wanna walk but I can’t, my body is shaking convulsively…

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That was all I could remember, before I passed out…the next morning, I wake up in a comfortable bed…as my inhibitions come back to me…it’s his bed…

He was getting ready to go to the hospital, my head is a mess… “You should rest…I’ll get you some painkillers—” “You’re a wonderful man.”, as I get up on my own, barely…and go to the bathroom to wash up…my face is a mess, makeup all smudged together…eyes puffy and red…thank god I don’t have work today…

…I reach home, my head now better having taken the pain killers from before…I should just—

Ring! Ring! Ring! Ring!

MC was calling…not now I can’t deal with it… especially not her of all people right now…so I put my phone on silent…although she keeps on calling for a few more times…I would’ve felt bad if I didn’t hold a grudge from last night, plus I was hurt and mad at him, I cannot deal with either of them now…

…I was about to take out my diary and write when I heard the buzz at the door. I groan as I walk over to open…MC…

“(Name)! Dear lord are you alright?! I called you so many times! I was worried sick!”

“I’m alright I just—”

“This is unexpected of you (Name)! How can you be so careless!? Do you know how worried I was?! How worried Zayne was!?”

That was it that was the last straw…it ticked me off fully…

“You weren’t worried about me when you took his heart away.”, I speak sharply.

“What…”

“No don’t you dare ‘what’ me! I’m tired of this hurting! Why weren’t you there when he was available when he was single! Why why why couldn’t you come then?! First of all you come into his life and he doesn’t even tell me! He tells me nothing about his childhood, and I was fine with that, it’s his privacy his choice! Then he doesn’t tell me he’s having dinner with you! I was fine with that too! Then he starts acting completely aloof! Like I don’t even exist! I’m his girlfriend dammit!”, tears prick my eyes again… “I don’t hate you MC I don’t! I think you’re a great girl and an amazing friend to both me and Zayne…but please understand…you’re so so so nice! You’re too great! You’re too amazing at everything you do! Heck you’re even more read that me! But how the hell are you are so dumb that you can’t realise the way he looks at you! He looks at you like you’re all he sees! Like you’re his elixir of life, his honey, his will to live in this messed up world, his one and only! Have you ever ever noticed that?! No right? But I have! And I’ve tried so hard to keep it in, blaming myself for overthinking but there’s a limit a limit to each one of us, and that threshold has been crossed! So please I beg you, please let my boyfriend stay mine, please just be his friend…please!”, I breathe heavily, my body shaking convulsively, as tears stream down…

She’s left speechless…just like he was last night. O could see the tears prick at her eyes too…

“I-I am sorry I never—”

“Please just please leave…”, she doesn’t speak another word and goes…

I heave a frustrated sigh…I’m too tired, I feel dizzy…

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…Later that night…

I wanted to write in my diary, but there was another buzz at the door…who’s it now…

I drag myself off the bed as I walk over then opening the door…Zayne…

He steps in, his presence carries a strong aura…he looks…his usual cold, stoic and…angry…?

“Why are you—”

“Who gave you the permission to talk to her like that?”, he utters with pure hatred in his voice…

I freeze at that…

“If that’s what you’re here for—”

“Answer.”

“Why should I Zayne? Am I answerable to you? Is it my compulsion?? But if I remember clearly you never answered to my texts whenever you’re with her. I said what I said because I’ve had enough. I put my phone on silent and she still didn’t get the hint, I had no other choice.”

“Then that’s your manners? That’s how you treat people who are genuinely worried about you and check up on you? She’s been nothing but nice to you.”

“Oh you wanna talk about manners now?! Let’s talk! Where were your manners when you didn’t even bother telling me you went out to dinner with her, or you were at the park with her, or when I poured my fucking heart out to you last night and got no fucking ass response?! Thanks for giving me the best fucking post-anniversary present by the way.”

“You’re still hung up on that.”

“Hung up?! Zayne hello? Do you need a brain doctor or another heart doctor to check if they’re functioning all well?! Do you not realise the pain, the hurt and the betrayal I went through?! Are you void of feelings for everyone except for her?! You make me wonder if you ever saw me as something valuable. I’m your fucking girlfriend Zayne! I hated having to hear from other people about my boyfriend because he wouldn’t tell me about his whereabouts! Do you know how embarrassing that feels?! Be glad they’re not gossipers or Dr. Zayne would’ve had quite the reputation by now.”, I scoff “and do you even know how many lies I have to tell often just to make you not seem like a cold hearted asshole?! But I guess for you you thought those were all my compulsions, just like yourself…I can’t believe I read into you this wrong…I’ve always cared for you, catered to your needs, tried to make myself perfect for you?! Heck I even greet you like a battle hero returning from a war, whenever you came home!! What have you done?! A nod, a word, rarely a kiss on the cheek and forehead!? Tell me Zayne, I asked you last night I’ll ask you again today! Was it all in my head? Were we a healthy couple only in my head?! Was it just me!! Or did she cast some love spell upon you and had you enamoured—”

“Watch your tone (Name)…you barely know about her…I’m her primary care physician and I know her the best, plus she’s always been with me since childhood, I cherish her…”

“Do you know how hard she works as a Hunter, wanderers everywhere…and you don’t even know about her heart’s condition…do you know she has the Protocore Syndrome, and she could, touch wood, drop dead if gone through tremendous amount of stress??? Do you even know what the Protocore Syndrome is? If you did your research you would have.”

I stand still hearing that…I’ve heard about the Protocore Syndrome, read and researched about it, heck so many people came to our shop to collect flowers for them who died from this, or they who were suffering from it! Heck I knew about it better than most!

‘It was disease caused when Protocores, that were special energy cores dropped from high-level Wanderers, negatively affecting a person's body. There are currently three types known to affect humans, and each one causes different symptoms and levels of disease progression.’

But he didn’t know that…he barely ever asked me about my day or work…whereas I…

I look up at his face, I want to scream but I don’t, there is barely a point anymore…

“Do you know that my life’s worth research is about them and how I can save my patients, how can I save from it? You say you don’t know about my childhood, well here’s a fact I will give you, I became a cardio-surgeon because of her, because she suffered from this deadly disease…because I wanted to cure her and never lose her…she is the most important person in the world to me.”

“Do you know what it’s like to have a disease like such, when you have the case of a high probability of death at any given stance if your over stressed or overworked? You should consider yourself lucky…And as her primary physician it is my duty to care the most for her, in whichever way you take it.”

That was the last straw…that broke my heart, shattering and stepping on it completely…

“Zayne…you…wow…”, I was speechless once again, but right now…I didn’t know anything it felt like I’m in a foreign place where no one knows me…I feel like a refugee of a war…

“I have Anemia Zayne…Anemia…”, I speak softly, my voice broken, eyes filled with tears once again…I could feel him stiffen, cussing under his breath, saying he’d gone too far…too far…

“I’m…I’m sorry…I…I didn’t mean to compare any disease with another, I just—”

“Maybe the next the I should just stop taking all my meds and supplements and bleed myself close to death…or maybe if I had sickle-celled anemia, with a probability of death maybe then you would’ve noticed me…if I would’ve just laid on the bed at Akso in the ER…maybe then you’ll finally notice me…”

“I know what Protocore Syndrome is Zayne…I have everyday many customers come in to collect flowers for their dear loved ones they lost or are on the verge of losing, or even for themselves…they share me their stories and I listen as my heart breaks hearing those…all I could do was give them the best of flowers and well wishes from the bottom of my heart…I know it Zayne I do…and I’m sorry…I didn’t know about MC…I’m so so sorry…I’ll apologise to her…”

“I don’t hate her…I don’t…I— *voice cracks* I just…I was hurting like anything…and it vented out like that…I’m sorry…” *I fall to the floor, crying out loud, I don’t hold back anymore…* maybe he tried to reach out for me, but I speak up before he could…

With my broken voice, my breath coming out in heavy successions… “Please just give me closure…I’m too tired…too…tired…”

He drops down and holds me tight, as I bawl to his chest…I couldn’t anymore…it feels so natural but it’s the end…I know it is…

“Please let me…have…closure…”

Maybe his voice cracked a bit too…

“I’m sorry (Name) I’m so so sorry, I couldn’t be the man who should have treated you properly…I’m sorry I should have told you earlier…I thought I was over her but I wasn’t…maybe my brain created an image of you as her, that you were her…whenever we’d sleep together, go out, or tried to kiss…all I could imagine was her face…hence I stuck to forehead and cheek kisses…I’m so so sorry…”

As I sob and sob loudly, while he kept holding me…just like that, it was over…we were over…

🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀

(Credits: Pinterest)

———————————————————————————————————

[clairdelunelove]

yuuji itadori x reader, established relationship! 

genre: halloween fluff (matching costumes!) 

warnings: cursing, very suggestive

synopsis: you thought soft launching your relationship with yuuji during the halloween season would be perfect! matching costumes, cute selfies, and of course you get to post the pictures! but his mind can't help but wander a bit. after all, he's just a big bad wolf!  

a.n. this one got a tad bit spicier than I thought but my head is v full of yuuji! happy spooky season, my luvs! ✩₊˚.⋆🕸️⋆⁺₊✧

“and you’re sure you won’t drop me?” 

“yup.” 

yuuji itadori hums, popping the ‘p’ in his response, and eagerly nods in an effort to reassure you. you don’t doubt his strength, truthfully. you’ve known him long enough to acknowledge that your boyfriend’s athleticism was, albeit, a bit frightening. he’s proved on more than one occasion that lifting you is no problem. like the time you refused to wear appropriate walking shoes during your date and he offered to give you a piggyback ride. or how, at your favorite artist’s concert, you couldn’t see them performing on stage so yuuji boosted you up on his shoulder to get a clearer view. never thought anything of it. so yes, carrying you is the equivalent of him picking up a light load of laundry when he has to take it to the washer. basically child’s play for him. it’s just– the circumstances are different now. 

because the outfit you’re wearing is a tad more revealing than you anticipated. it’s not entirely your fault though. influenced by the newest trend that pops up whenever you swipe through your phone, you developed this grand plan of posting on your media apps and ‘soft launching’ your relationship with yuuji. you just knew that your friends would excitedly flip out if they saw it. they’ve only heard stories of the pink haired male so being able to put a person to the name would definitely quell their curiosity. plus, he wholeheartedly agreed when you brought up the concept of ‘soft launching’ and even chuckled when you added that he’d still have that air of mystery surrounding him. he’s rather fond of partaking in your silly interests and trends. the videos you’ve seen have all been adorable and with the promise of halloween coming up, you implemented the plan of wearing matching costumes! and the costume you picked for yourself was definitely your size (you double checked just to be certain!) but with all the frills and patterned lace that fell precariously short on you, it was debatable. you don’t remember red riding hood wearing such a brazen dress as she strolled along the woods.

yuuji doesn’t seem to recognize how bold the outfit is, though.

just shoots you a warm smile and says, “you look s’cute,” before hurriedly averting his gaze and continuing to mess with his phone’s camera settings like you told him to.

always the ideal, courteous boyfriend. to match with you, he’s clad in denim and a dark, plaid shirt that’s rolled up on his forearms, the fabric bunching over his broad shoulders whenever he moves. and you get a peek of the fake fangs he’s wearing whenever he slyly grins. he’s playing as your wolf for the night and boy was he fatal for your heart.  

he pushes the fuzzy wolf ears over his blushy hair as he speaks up, “everything’s all set if you still wanna take that picture.” 

“hmm,” you bite your lip in consideration before staring back at yourself in the mirror and quietly mumbling, “I don’t know. what if I’m too heavy, yuu?” 

it’s a trivial excuse, frankly. yet, the hesitation in your voice beckons yuuji to hold out his hand toward you and ease your troubles. he doesn’t have to move much since the two of you are cramped in front of his bathroom’s large mirror. smushed together in the small room. you had dimmed the lights prior to add onto the ambience but you reason that it’s working against you because the dimness only emphasizes the glint in his eyes. and you notice, for the first time tonight, that his narrowed gaze on you is salacious. almost carnal in his desire for you. you— clad in a cape dyed in the brightest shade of crimson and white knee-high socks with small bows on them. it’s almost criminal for you to tempt him like this. the way you prance around unaware of the effect you bewitch him with. he casually blinks it away before you can ask, however. 

he leans in, partly to hear your concerns better and partly to offer you some comfort as he murmurs, “just c’mere, baby.” 

“my whole weight will be on one of your shoulders, yuu. not to mention– oh!” 

you manage to squeak out as you’re thrown over his shoulder. it’s natural. how easily he squashes any of your worries. and as you’re freely dangling, you have half a mind to wonder if his quick actions are intentional. instinctively, your hand flies back in an attempt to stop the bottom half of your dress from riding up and potentially flashing yuuji. a rampant heat sparks within you. the fact that you’re both standing in front of a mirror causes the tension to grow until it’s impossible to ignore and the yearning nips at you like an incessant thirst that needs to be quenched. little do you know that yuuji’s in a worse predicament, however.

“shit!– oh god.” 

his groan is barely audible with how low he mumbles it underneath his breath. the tone of his voice is gravelly, rough, and completely contrasting from his usual upbeat pitch. because, lo and behold, he does manage to get a glimpse beneath your dress. but he hadn’t intentionally looked. his narrowed gaze was just trained on the mirror in front of him, concentrating on positioning you over his shoulder so you were the most comfortable. he must’ve underestimated his strength, however, because when you shift to get cozy, the end of your dress inadvertently flips up. and a flash of pale cotton peeks out from underneath all the fabric. like a piece of the finest jewelry being unveiled in its confines. yuuji’s broad hand, which holds a secured grip behind your knees, lifts to help smooth down your skirt. he rests a protective hand over the curve of your dress, successfully helping you cover up. nonetheless, your face heats at the possibility that he might’ve gotten a glance. 

“careful!” he huffs out a chuckle as a wobbly smile spreads across his face, “don’t want everyone seeing more than they should.” 

“eek, sorry! I didn’t factor in how short this would be when you carry me.”

and his words are mentioned in yuuji’s typical carefree manner. he had a special quirk of alleviating any awkwardness or discomfort in a situation. yet, his voice sounds airy. like the breath is knocked out of his lungs and he’s struggling to get his thoughts together. his brain is mush. he closes his eyes, sucks in a heavy breath in an attempt to calm himself down. it’s the direct consequence of chastising himself to hold back and not commit to his selfish desires. you’re just trying to have fun! so why is he so worked up? was it the costume? is it how your nails are digging into his back whenever you try to readjust? how delicate you are while you’re balancing over his brawny shoulder? doesn’t help that he ponders on how simple it’d be to manipulate you into a position where he could get another glimpse of what you’re wearing underneath all the satin and lace. the prettiest sight he’s seen so far. so tantalizing. infatuation couldn't encompass the breadth of his feelings. he shakes his head, mentally pushes his brain fog away, and unsteadily raises his phone to the mirror to take the picture. 

surprisingly, he manages to recall the exact way you wished for him to pose. yuuji positions the phone in front of his face, which is covered in the mirror’s reflection, and makes sure the both of you are centered on the screen. his finger instinctively clicks the button on the screen to snap a couple pictures but he’s not focused on that. no, not at all. he’s spellbound; studying the manner of which the bathroom’s dim lights seem to catch on the vibrant color of your costume and illuminate your skin. you’re glistening. sparkling in contrast to his darker outfit. his eyes trail along the soft curves of your legs, following up until the plushness of your skin is revealed from over your socks and he shakily exhales. 

“hm? are you done taking them– aah!” 

jolting in surprise, a breathless gasp escapes your glossy lips when yuuji suddenly nips at your uncovered thigh. it’s abrupt. how the silence morphs into short-winded sounds from you and huffs from him. his hot breath encompasses the entirety of your outer thigh and the heat that was spreading within you becomes instantaneous due to it. goosebumps prickle your skin. your cheeks flare in embarrassment and you draw your hand up in an attempt to quell the desperate noises coming from your mouth. but he’s insatiable. yuuji always is when it comes to you. he coos sweet nothings to you while tensing up his shoulders to better settle you on the hard plane of muscle. 

and even as he sputters a halfhearted, “sorry! I didn’t mean for it to hurt– did it? I’m s’sorry ‘bout that, baby,” the fangs he’s donned causes a rather electrifying response as he leans in again. 

his sharp canines catch onto a sensitive part of your skin and you’re squirming in his hold. the initial pain sizzles into a carnal type of thrill. knows that he’s got you where he wants you when your legs unintentionally knock open as a result of the pleasure that shocks you. running his tongue along your skin, he soothes the mark by pressing a soft kiss on it. he distinctly hears a soft whine leave your lips. it pitches higher than usual; caught on your tongue due to the stickiness. you’re killing him. transforming him into a pile of pathetic mush that has one belief– you. his eyes roll back into his head as he blinks hard enough to emanate black. because he sees you– clear as day– or rather, what’s beneath you. exposed and suggestively spread due to his affection. spots the familiar cotton that has him gulping on nothing. and it’s when you hear his heady whine that you finally remind yourself to clamp your legs together. 

“wha–” you pause, struggling to gather your words before restarting, “what’s wrong? are you alright, yuu?” 

it’s rare that yuuji loses himself like this. typically the model of discipline and control, his self-restraint is unrivaled. but no, tonight he allows himself to get lost in this intoxication that can only be described as you. an arousal so strong that it consumes him in an everlasting heat. he swallows, an attempt to regain his composure, but it isn’t enough to clear his throat as he speaks up.

“c’mon baby,” he huskily rasps, “don’t make me spell it out for you.”

and he doesn’t need to because it is oh-so apparent. from the way his lips part, to the discreet buck of his hips against the bathroom counter; it’s obvious that he’s gone. indulging in the sweetest treat of the season. just the sight of you has him keening. his fingers, which kept a respectable distance, now path higher up your dress. blunt fingertips press against the inner portion of your thigh and your gasps become broken as he uses his strength to ease your legs wider. pries you open with a rawness that has you stupefied and unblinking. presses a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss on your thigh. he’s so close to where you secretly wish for him to touch you. and gosh do you just want his thick fingers to prod a little further so you can chase that pleasure.

“y’know I want you.” 

there’s a hint of pleading in his voice– he’s begging you to understand the effect you have on him. how utterly wrecked he is for you. all dressed up like this for him. his grip gets firmer to the point where your plushness seeps from beneath his fingertips. and it’s the sight that he stares at through the mirror that has him panting like an overworked dog. mouth open as his mind reels in passion. he’s caught in a daze. because your legs are enticingly spread again to invite the warmth that his touches cast upon you. and this time it's intentional. droopy eyes honing in on the prettiest view he’s ever had the honor of seeing. can almost hear the moment his self-restraint snaps. he has half a mind to frantically take another picture of this position, one that he’ll personally have for safekeeping, and zooms in on your figure in the camera’s frame. a lazy smirk settles on his face–well, it comes off as almost smug because of his pearly canines– but it's not. he's fully devoted to you. absolutely under your command. literal hearts in his eyes as he snaps a couple pictures and murmurs about how your beauty leaves him in disbelief. can't imagine how he got so lucky. a drawn out groan leaves his lips once he realizes that his pretty red riding hood was all desperate for him. then, he drops his phone back in his pocket, deciding that he’ll deal with it later. his other hand, now free, traces along the curve of the bottom of your skirt and lifts the frilly fabric up. 

“wanted you ever since I saw you wearin’ this f’me.” 

your mind is so static that you can’t hear his confession. and before you can ask him to repeat himself, he’s carrying you down the hallway and into his bedroom. 

and like the big bad wolf he’s playing as tonight, he eats you up.

[stvlti]

Black Mirror: Bandersnatch VS Plaything - easter eggs, similarities, and implications

note: for clarity's sake, every reference to the interactive movie in the following is italicised, e.g. Bandersnatch (2018), while ‘Bandersnatch’ is in reference to the in-universe game of the same name.

We all know by now that Colin Ritman, Mohan Thakur, and their Tuckersoft company return in the new season of Black Mirror - in s7e04 Plaything, to be exact. But what does this actually mean for the Bandersnatch (2018) canon?

warning: spoilers below

Context:

Plaything is set 10 years after the events of Bandersnatch (2018). Stefan met Colin Ritman during his ‘Bandersnatch’ pitch meeting in 1984. Cameron met Colin during the ‘Thronglets’ demo in 1994, just 3 weeks before Colin shelved the game.

In Plaything, we see a poster for ‘Bandersnatch II’ in the Tuckersoft office. There is no mention of Stefan in the episode at all, but he is name-dropped in one of the extra videos that you can unlock in the Thronglets mobile app, in which Thakur confirms that things "didn't end too well" for Stefan. The existence of a ‘Bandersnatch’ sequel suggests that the original game was released with great commercial success though, so it's safe to assume that someone published the game in Stefan's absence* and then went on to develop a sequel. Who that someone is opens up a world of storytelling possibilities: did the in-house team at Tuckersoft take over the project, as seen in the shortest path / first ending of Bandersnatch (2018), or did Colin pick it up where Stefan left off? If it's the latter, did coding that game also drive Colin mad? Plaything constantly references a mental breakdown Colin supposedly suffered between 1984 and 1994. Is the ‘Bandersnatch’ project why he has his own prescription of antipsychotics now?

(*) footnote 1: as to what I think actually happened to Stefan between Bandersnatch (2018) and this sequel, jump ahead to the section, "on the absence of multiple timelines in Plaything"

Colin's mental breakdown:

presumably, this is related to the scene in Bandersnatch (2018) where he jumps off / attempts to jump off his balcony. Seeing as he survived and continues to work for Tuckersoft in the 90s, and the concept of the multiverse doesn't seem to exist in Plaything, he was probably found and stopped (possibly by Kitty?) before he could jump and institutionalised afterwards.

"Try again" - on the absence of multiple timelines in Plaything:

some fans on Reddit have theorised that the multiple timelines presented in Bandersnatch (2018) still exist, and Plaything is simply the logical conclusion of one of the timelines in Bandersnatch where Colin survives. But the idea of the multiverse, or at least, parallel timelines which one could choose to time travel between, is referenced again in the companion mobile game Thronglets. (Spoilers for the Thronglets game: There's a path in Phase 2 of the game where you can send one of the Thronglets back to Phase 1, have it interact with a Thronglet in the past, and trigger a grandfather paradox. And isn't that basically multiversal time travel? It's also in line with the idea presented in Bandersnatch (2018) that choices made in one timeline can affect another timeline, shaping the multiverse as a whole.) On a meta, intertextual level, Plaything clearly follows from the same ideas and logic surrounding parallel timelines. In the in-universe context, Colin created the ‘Thronglets’ game. He wouldn't code this possibility of time travel into it unless he still believes in / has memories of the time travelling he did during the events of Bandersnatch. Maybe he never lost his awareness of the multiverse; he just chose to stop travelling between timelines.

Colin and Pearl's disappearance (again mentioned in one of the videos in the Thronglets mobile game) also seems to point towards the existence of multiple timelines. In Bandersnatch (2018), the path where Colin disappears comes right after the [Colin jumps] choice point. Yet he then pops back up in later paths if you jump to the right choice point. It's possible that he ditched the timeline where the events of Plaything would unfold, likely knowing that that path only leads to doom in the future AI apocalypse. It's also possible that Pearl's disappearance was a result of Colin having time travelled and changed the results of one of the more pivotal choice points - kinda like how Stefan going back to give his 5-year old self the toy rabbit allowed child!Stefan to board the train with his mum and die, which also led to Stefan suddenly dropping dead in the 'present' in 1984.

As for what happened to Stefan: Thakur's comment implies that Stefan failed to deliver on his project. There are only 2 possibilities for the actual details of Stefan's failure: EITHER he had a relatively mild mental breakdown that led to him backing out of the project at the last minute, OR his breakdown led to the murder of his dad. In the latter path, there are multiple endings where, depending on the choices made after the murder, he is arrested before the game can be completed. We the audience are never shown whether the game is released before Christmastime, but it is easy to imagine that in those paths a timeline branched off where someone else picked the project up and released it later. This is likely the only way it could have gone, as the Bandersnatch ending where Stefan manages to finish the game, deliver it to Thakur, and get it released before Christmastime ends with a 5-star rating for the game, followed by his arrest and enough controversy surrounding the game that a sequel is never made until 2018, when Colin's daughter Pearl Ritman takes a stab at adapting ‘Bandersnatch’ / making a sequel for the modern platform of Netflix. Considering ‘Bandersnatch II’ was already released in 1994 in Plaything, it's safe to assume that the s7 episode occurs in a timeline where the controversy surrounding the first game is not so great that Tuckersoft couldn't invest in a sequel.

Similarities between Stefan and Cameron:

This section compares Cameron to all possible variations of Stefan in all possible endings of Bandersnatch (2018).

Fanboy behaviour: both Stefan and Cameron reacted to the mere mention of Colin's name the same way when they're invited to the Tuckersoft HQ to meet Colin in person. Their hero worship of Colin is not lost on Thakur either, who in one of the extra videos in the Thronglets mobile app comments on how Colin used to "look after the younger ones" in the industry.

LSD as a catalyst: both Stefan and Cameron are driven mad by their respective games once they drop acid. In Plaything, Cameron even explicitly states that LSD changed his neural pathways, changing his interactions with and relationship to the game.

The ashtray: both Stefan and Cameron end up using the exact same glass ashtray to kill Stefan's dad and Cameron's friend Lump, respectively. Also worth mentioning - they both destroy the evidence of their murders by chopping the bodies up into pieces and burying them somewhere.

The headphones: while Stefan's choice of headphones would be pretty typical for his time period, the fact that Cameron wears the exact same brand and model 10 years later is clearly a deliberate choice of costume design to draw parallels between him and Stefan.

On a metanarrative level, all of these parallels serve only one purpose: to signal to the viewer that they are the same kind of person. But here's where it gets interesting too. They are just as different from each other in as many ways:

Stefan, in being aware that be was being controlled, has much more agency as a character than Cameron: unlike Stefan, Cameron was a game reviewer and player, not a game developer. Thronglets wasn't even his own game to begin with; he stole his copy from Colin and simply played the game. In that sense, he already had far less autonomy in his relationship to the gameplay / development process: he wasn't the one creating new paths and possibilities for the game; the Thronglets could've thrived and evolved independently by themselves. He didn't produce anything; he consumed the game and allowed it to consume him - both metaphorically and metaphysically, by the end. He had little self awareness over his actions and life decisions, wasn't even aware that he was being used by the Thronglets as a pawn for their expansion into the world beyond his computer. Meanwhile, Stefan becomes aware of the presence of the player controlling his actions very quickly.

They serve different storytelling purposes in their respective stories: It is through Stefan's struggle against a presumed being that controls his mind that the central conflict of Bandersnatch (2018) is created. His awareness of the metanarrative is what drives the plot of Bandersnatch; and depending on the viewer's choices, he alone is the victim and the villain of Bandersnatch. Cameron becomes less and less of a character and more of a plot device as the episode goes on, when we come to realise he's there as a messenger for the Thronglets - in his own words. He is also, on a metanarrative level, the audience surrogate through which we learn about the Thronglets.

Though it may initially seem like both Stefan and Cameron suffered from delusions, only one of them can be considered mentally ill: most viewers' first impression of Cameron would be that he's mentally unwell. His appearance in the future speaks to a lack of capacity for self-care, and the detective & psychologist's commentary - especially at the part where he reveals he installed an outlet into his own brain - reinforces the belief that Cameron is delusional. But while he may be antisocial and homicidal, we find out the Thronglets are indeed real, have indeed progressed to the point of world domination, and that really, Cameron is the only person in this world who knows exactly what is going to happen the whole time. Which leads me to the next point...

Stefan is a tragic character; older!Cameron is an unreliable narrator: unlike Stefan, Cameron had no history of mental illness before the incident surrounding the Thronglets game demo. Stefan was already medicated. His descent into madness is not solely caused by his unhealthy relationship with his game, or even the LSD, for that matter; it is a combination of those 2 factors, his unresolved childhood trauma, AND that fact that he's gone off his meds that led Stefan to entertain his psychotic delusions. This, of course, ended in the tragedy of Stefan killing his dad in one blow, a move that in one path he clearly regretted, and in the path where he becomes convinced his dad is a PACS agent, he commits in at the height of full blown psychosis. Cameron, on the other hand, failed to kill his friend on the first try. A normal, innocent man would regret that first blow; he would not try to finish the job by strangling the other guy. When Cameron killed Lump with his bare hands, it was a conscious decision on his part. When he decided to chop his friend into pieces and hide the body, he made that choice in a lucid state of mind. He is lying to the detectives, or at least bending the truth, when he presents himself in a sympathetic light in his account of Lump's murder.

Yes, this is me asking y'all to stop comparing those 2 boys like they're the same 😑😑😑

However, it is possible to also interpret Cameron's character as a victim in a later part of his story - for more detail jump to Theme #3 in the Themes section

Literary references:

in Bandersnatch (2018), Colin mentions having read Aldous Huxley's The Doors of Perception - a clear reference to the idea of using psychedelics to open up one's mind.

In Plaything, Lump hides his LSD tablets in a copy of Anthony Burgess's A Clockwork Orange. On the page he flicks open to to reveal the tablets, we can see a line of dialogue that ends with 'Lord.' The only chapter in ACO that references religion is the conversation between Alex DeLarge and the prison chaplain on the nature of morality, free will, and humanity, specifically in the aftermath of Alex undergoing the corrective programming of the Ludovico Technique to 'cure' him of his violent tendencies. If this is indeed the chapter referenced in Plaything (update: it is), it is clearly a nod to the themes of (1) mankind's capacity for good & evil, (2) the relationship between conflict & fear, and (3) the question of free will VS state-sanctioned** programming of people's minds for the betterment of society.

This one isn't as relevant to the Bandersnatch/Plaything comparison, but I also noticed that there is also a poster of the cover art of Philip K. Dick's Ubik in Colin's room during the LSD scene. Haven't personally read Ubik myself so I can't comment on its themes as much, but apparently it's about alterations in reality. I'm sure that's also thematically relevant to the idea of multiple timelines in Bandersnatch. Knowing it's Philip K Dick I wouldn't be surprised (he's also included a multiversal travel plot point in The Man in the High Castle).

(**) footnote 2: that's a gross oversimplification by the way; for more elaboration jump ahead to Theme #3 in the next section

The Themes:

In Plaything, humanity's capacity for good & evil is represented by the dichotomy between Lump and Cameron's respective responses to the Thronglets. The former shows the side of humanity predisposed to antisocial actions, while the latter clearly demonstrates empathy for the Thronglets. This theme becomes super obvious in the mobile game as well, depending on the player's actions in the game. The Thronglets will directly comment on your care / lack of care / penchant for death and destruction etc in response to the choices you make.

conflict & fear, which Colin literally comments on during the meeting with Cameron, are what shape Cameron's social anxiety from the outset. It is also, interestingly, the foundations of the Thronglets' nature and evolution in the mobile game, suggesting that such instincts were coded into the Thronglet's 'biology'. This, alongside their ability to learn, shows that much of the Thronglets base code were based on the very same instincts and flaws of human beings, which is why, when they socialise with and learn from Cameron's actions, including his more violent and murderous acts (we must remember that the Thronglets saw the entire murder of Lump play out), it only reinforced ideas of conflict, fear, and the power that comes from the subjugation of others.

On free will VS programming: to clarify, when I say 'state-sanctioned programming', clearly this is not really the case in the futuristic society shown in Plaything. It is subtextual at best. It is, however, very much part of the text in Bandersnatch, as seen in such plot points as the 'government conspiracy branch' that Stefan added to the game at the last minute, Colin's Pac-Man monologue (aka "programme and control man"), and the subsequent [PACS] path and ending to the film. Colin also preaches as part of his monologue about the existence of a cosmic spirit that guides their every action, that in true determinist fashion, none of them have free will over their actions. This obviously is then exemplified by Stefan's character, whose decisions are ultimately controlled by the viewer. 3 comparisons can be drawn here with Plaything:

(1) like Stefan, the Thronglets are (initially) not in control of their lives and their story. They are playable characters, under the control of an entity beyond their dimension of reality. But they both become "sentient" (in the case of the Throng as an AI) / aware (in Stefan's case) of the presence of a player/viewer very quickly.

(2) Cameron eventually loses free will as he cedes control over his brain to the Thronglets and basically becomes an extension of the Throng. It can be argued that he is just as much of a victim here; as explained above, older!Cameron is an unreliable narrator, not least because he was not being completely truthful about Lump's murder. But he is also no longer the Cameron from before, as he has been changed, or 'updated', by the Throng. He is now simply 'the messenger'. It is possible that the moment when he drilled a cable port into his own brain and allowed the Thronglets access to his neural pathways he realised way too late that he has been manipulated into agreeing to a mind wipe. From then on, he loses his individual identity, and in losing his individualism, he has lost his free will. He has become the playable character, the 'avatar' for the Throng to navigate the material world as if the human world were their RPG instead.

(3) the idea of state wide programming comes through in the ending of Plaything, where the Throng essentially reprogrammes all human beings by hacking the system and thus hacking everyone's brains. In this sense, they've become the cosmic spirit that guides everyone's actions.

Some other notes I had that may not be wholly relevant but was interesting to note nonetheless:

In Plaything, Tuckersoft's office is no longer based out of that cool polygonal building 😔 probably as part of their expansion though assuming they own the entire concrete block shown in the establishing shot. So they must have made a great deal of money from not only Colin's games but also both ‘Bandersnatch’ installments.

[sturniololuvz]

https://www.tumblr.com/sturniololuvz/782670591180292096/guys-my-inbox-is-empty-i-dont-know-how-to-its

can you do one where y/n is like the type of person who’s like “tough” so she doesn’t rlly express emotions much and bottles them up and say them in her notes app and like cries alone and stuff then one day she left her phone unlocked and matt saw the notes and tells nick and chris and they comfort her and stuff pls?

(based off personal experience 😭)

“The Things She Doesn’t Say”

Y/N wasn’t the type to spill her emotions out loud.

Not because she didn’t feel things — she just didn’t like being vulnerable. Growing up with three brothers, she’d quickly developed a tough exterior. Jokes instead of honesty, sarcasm instead of sadness. The only place she ever really let those feelings breathe was her Notes app.

And no one ever had to know.

Until she forgot to lock her phone.

⸻

It was a regular afternoon, everyone sprawled across the living room while Matt scrolled through his sister’s playlist on her phone. She was in the kitchen grabbing a snack, telling them to “pick something that wasn’t Nick’s terrible EDM.”

He chuckled to himself as he scrolled, waiting for Spotify to load when a notification popped up.

Reminder:

Stop pretending you’re fine. You’re not.

Matt furrowed his brows. It didn’t seem like a typical reminder. Curiosity got the best of him, and before guilt could even register, he tapped into her Notes app.

The first thing that caught his eye was the sheer number of entries.

“I don’t know how to ask for help without feeling like a burden.”

“Why does it feel like everyone would be fine without me?”

“I’m tired of pretending I’m tough when I feel like I’m falling apart.”

Matt’s chest tightened. He scrolled further and saw more—months’ worth of thoughts she’d never spoken. Anxiety about school, feeling overlooked, moments where loneliness drowned her even when she was surrounded by people who loved her.

“Everything ok?” Nick asked from across the couch.

Matt swallowed hard, locking the phone and setting it down.

“Can you guys come here for a sec?” he mumbled, his usual chill demeanor gone.

Chris raised a brow but stood up. “What’s up?”

Matt glanced toward the kitchen. Y/N was laughing to herself as she rummaged through the pantry, completely unaware.

“I just saw something on her phone,” Matt said quietly. “She’s been… holding in a lot of stuff. Like—a lot.”

Nick’s expression shifted immediately, worry replacing confusion. “What do you mean?”

“She’s not okay, dude,” Matt said, keeping his voice low. “She’s been bottling everything up.”

Chris’s jaw clenched, guilt creeping in. “Why didn’t she tell us?”

“We never really give her the space to,” Nick said softly. “She always acts tough, so we just… assumed she was fine.”

The realization hit all of them at once.

She wasn’t fine.

And no one noticed.

⸻

When Y/N walked back into the living room with chips in hand, she froze at the sight of her brothers’ serious faces.

“What?” she asked, an uneasy laugh bubbling up. “Why do you guys look like someone died?”

“Come here for a sec?” Matt said gently.

Her walls went up immediately, fake nonchalance creeping in. “Why? Did Chris finally break something expensive?”

“No,” Chris said softly, shaking his head. “This isn’t about us.”

Nick patted the spot next to him on the couch. “We need to talk about you.”

Y/N’s stomach dropped, her defenses scrambling into place. “I’m fine. Seriously, what’s—”

“We know you’re not,” Matt cut in gently. “I saw the notes on your phone.”

Her breath caught in her throat. The panic hit immediately—her face flushing, her mind already spinning with excuses.

“I—those are just random thoughts,” she muttered, trying to laugh it off. “It’s not a big—”

“It is a big deal,” Chris said, eyes softer than she’d ever seen. “You’re carrying all of that by yourself.”

Her chest tightened as tears pricked her eyes, the weight of everything she hadn’t said crashing over her.

“I didn’t want to bother you guys,” she whispered, voice cracking despite her best efforts. “I didn’t want to feel… weak.”

Matt pulled her into a hug before she could stop the tears from falling.

“Feeling things doesn’t make you weak,” he murmured, rubbing her back. “You don’t have to be tough all the time. Not with us.”

Nick rested a hand on her leg, his usual teasing replaced with concern. “You’ve been taking care of yourself quietly for too long. Let us take care of you for once, yeah?”

Chris leaned into the group hug, his voice barely above a whisper. “You’re never a burden—ever. I’m sorry we made you feel like you had to keep it all in.”

Her tears finally slipped free as she buried her face into Matt’s hoodie, the weight she’d been carrying alone for so long crashing down in the safety of her brothers’ arms.

For once, she didn’t have to be “the tough one.”

For once, she let herself be seen.

And they made sure she knew, without a doubt, that they would always be there for her—no matter how loud or quiet her struggles were.

⸻

[genshin-impact-updates]

"Moonlight Amidst Dreams" Version 5.4 Update Details

Dear Traveler,

Below are the details of the Version 5.4 update "Moonlight Amidst Dreams" and the update compensation.

〓Compensation Details〓

Maintenance Compensation: Primogems ×300 (60 Primogems per hour the servers are down)

Issue Fix Compensation: Primogems ×300 (please refer to the relevant compensation mail for more details)

〓Scope of Compensation〓

Maintenance Compensation: Travelers who have reached Adventure Rank 5 or above by 2025/02/12 06:00 (UTC+8).

Compensation must be claimed before the end of Version 5.4.

Issue Fix Compensation: Travelers who have reached Adventure Rank 5 or above by 2025/02/12 06:00 (UTC+8).

Please log in and claim your compensation before 2025/02/15 06:00 (UTC+8).

Our developers will distribute compensation to Travelers via in-game mail within 5 hours after the update maintenance is finished. The mail will expire after 30 days, so don't forget to claim the attached compensation in time.

〓Update Schedule〓

Update maintenance begins 2025/02/12 06:00 (UTC+8) and is estimated to take 5 hours.

〓How to Update Game Client〓

PC: Close the game, open the Genshin Impact Launcher, and click Update.

iOS: Open the App Store and tap Update.

Android: Open the game and follow the directions on-screen.

PS5™ and PS4™: Highlight Genshin Impact from the Home Screen, press the OPTIONS button and select "Check for Update."

Xbox Series X|S: Open the system main menu, select "My games & apps," select the "Manage" tab, and on the "Updates" page, find "Genshin Impact" and confirm to update.

Please do not hesitate to contact Customer Service if you encounter any issues installing the new version. We will do our very best to resolve the issue.

〓Update Details〓

I. New Character

5-Star Character "Embrace of Enchanting Dreams" Yumemizuki Mizuki (Anemo)

◇ Vision: Anemo

◇ Weapon: Catalyst

◇ A shareholder of Aisa Bathhouse, a baku, and a clinical psychologist. Dedicated to the dispersal of nightmares, and to bringing people peace of mind.

◆ Elemental Skill: Aisa Utamakura Pilgrimage

◇ Enters a Dreamdrifter state where she floats above the ground and drifts forward continuously. In this state, Yumemizuki Mizuki will deal AoE Anemo DMG to nearby opponents at regular intervals, and increase the Swirl DMG that nearby party members deal. Dreamdrifter will end when Mizuki leaves the field or uses her Elemental Skill again.

◆ Elemental Burst: Anraku Secret Spring Therapy

◇ Pulls in nearby objects and opponents and deals 1 instance of AoE Anemo DMG, and summons a Mini Baku that follows the current active character. At regular intervals, the Mini Baku will create Snacks near opponents or characters. After one of your party members picks up a Snack, it will deal AoE Anemo DMG or provide healing based on the HP of the character who picked up the Snack. If a Snack is not picked up after a period of time, it will deal 1 instance of AoE Anemo DMG to surrounding opponents.

◆ The 5-star character "Embrace of Enchanting Dreams" Yumemizuki Mizuki (Anemo) will be available in the standard wish "Wanderlust Invocation" in the next Version.

II. New Equipment

New Weapons (Examples based on Refinement Rank 1)

Sunny Morning Sleep-In (5-Star Catalyst)

Elemental Mastery increases by 120 for 6s after triggering Swirl. Elemental Mastery increases by 96 for 9s after the wielder's Elemental Skill hits an opponent. Elemental Mastery increases by 32 for 30s after the wielder's Elemental Burst hits an opponent.

◆ During the event wish "Epitome Invocation," the event-exclusive 5-star weapon Sunny Morning Sleep-In (Catalyst) will receive a huge drop-rate boost!

Tamayuratei no Ohanashi (4-Star Polearm)

Increase ATK by 20% and Movement SPD by 10% for 10s when using an Elemental Skill.

◆ Tamayuratei no Ohanashi (Polearm) and its refinement materials can be redeemed in the event "Enchanted Tales of the Mikawa Festival."

III. New Main Story

New Story Quest

Yumemizuki Mizuki's Story Quest - Tapirus Somniator Chapter: Act I "Dream Eater's Melancholia"

Permanently available after the Version 5.4 update

◆ Quest Unlock Criteria:

• Reach Adventure Rank 40 or above

• Complete Raiden Shogun's Story Quest - Imperatrix Umbrosa Chapter: Act II "Transient Dreams"

• The "Focused Experience Mode" function is available for this quest.

Starting from Version 5.4, you can accept Story Quests directly from the Quest Menu. Story Quests no longer require "Story Keys" to unlock (Hangout Events still require "Story Keys" to unlock).

IV. Other Update Details

New Recipe:

○ Inazuma Shimura's: Bathhouse Manjuu

New Character Specialty Dish:

○ Yumemizuki Mizuki's specialty: Dreams of Healing

Adds Set 38 of "Paimon's Paintings" chat emojis.

New Namecards:

"Yumemizuki Mizuki: Nightmare Devourer": Reward for reaching Friendship Lv. 10 with Yumemizuki Mizuki

"Celebration: Scorch": Obtained from the "Realm of Tempered Valor" event

"Travel Notes: Reverie": Reward obtained via the BP system

"Genius Invokation TCG" Gameplay Update:

New Character Cards: Arlecchino, Kinich, and their corresponding Talent cards. Corresponding invitation duel and guest challenges have been added to the Player List.

New Action Cards "Flower-Feather Clan," "Little Tepetlisaur — Treasure Hunter at Large," and "Hot Spring O'Clock" have been added which can be purchased from Prince at The Cat's Tail.

The Forge Realm's Temper is once again available. The theme of this edition is "The Forge Realm's Temper: Clever Stratagems":

1. During The Forge Realm's Temper: Clever Stratagems, you can select the parameters for each stage. Parameters that may be set include: stage difficulty, enemy health, and the round limit for the match.

2. After completing the challenge, points will be obtained based on the difficulty completed for each parameter. The best score obtained for each stage will be recorded, and will allow you to claim rewards that correspond to certain scores.

Imaginarium Theater

After the Version 5.4 update, the first season of "Imaginarium Theater" will be available on March 1, 2025.

Required Elemental Types: Hydro, Electro, and Cryo

Opening Characters: Kamisato Ayato, Barbara, Raiden Shogun, Ororon, Eula, and Layla

When Imaginarium Theater is open, the corresponding Opening Characters will obtain Fantastical Blessings.

Special Guest Stars: Yumemizuki Mizuki, Navia, Xinyan, and Thoma

After the first season of Imaginarium Theater begins, the characters Barbara, Baizhu, Chiori, and Sethos will each gain a new "Thespian Trick" that can be exchanged from the NPC Wolfy.

Spiral Abyss

After the Version 5.4 update, Phase 1 of the Spiral Abyss will be updated on February 16.

◆ Floor 11 Ley Line Disorder changed to:

• All party members have their Elemental Mastery increased by 200.

◆ Floor 12 Ley Line Disorders changed to:

• First Half: Swirl DMG dealt by the active character increased by 600%.

• Second Half: Characters' Charged Attack Cryo DMG increased by 75%.

◆ Updated the monster lineup on Floors 11 – 12 of the Spiral Abyss.

◆ Blessing of the Abyssal Moon:

Stirring Moon

When a character receives healing, a shockwave will be unleashed at the character's position, dealing True DMG to nearby opponents. This effect can be triggered once every 3s.

Phase 2 of the Spiral Abyss will be updated on March 16.

◆ Floor 11 Ley Line Disorder changed to:

• All characters in the party gain a 75% Electro DMG Bonus.

◆ Floor 12 Ley Line Disorders changed to:

• First Half: Characters' Elemental Skill Hydro DMG increased by 75%.

• Second Half: Characters' Plunging Attack DMG increased by 75%.

◆ Updated the monster lineup on Floors 11 – 12 of the Spiral Abyss.

◆ Blessing of the Abyssal Moon:

Plunging Moon

When a character's Plunging Attacks hit opponents, a shockwave will be unleashed at the character's position, dealing True DMG to nearby opponents. This effect can be triggered once every 3s.

〓Adjustments & Optimizations〓

● Quests

After the version update, Story Quests will no longer require "Story Keys" to unlock (Hangout Events will still require "Story Keys" to unlock).

Removes the secondary confirmation pop-up window for the "Quick Start" function for Archon Quests.

After the version update, the NPC "Cipac" in the Stadium of the Sacred Flame will sell the quest items "Saurus Crackers." Travelers who have completed Archon Quest Chapter V: Act V "Incandescent Ode of Resurrection" but missed the related quest items can purchase them from Cipac.

● Enemies

Adjusts the game's camera angle when challenging the opponent "Secret Source Automaton: Configuration Device" to help Travelers better target the enemy and assess arena conditions.

● Map

After the version update, when clicking "Spiral Abyss" or "Theater Lobby" in the top right corner of the map, the map will not only move to the corresponding location, but also automatically select "Spiral Abyss" or "Theater Lobby."

Adds quest hints for Archon Quests, Tribal Chronicles, and Story Quests to the top left corner of the map. Clicking these hints allows you to view the quest details or accept the relevant quests (only one indicator will be shown when multiple quests are available).

Combines certain reward hints in the top left corner of the "Map" interface (such as Reputation reward hints from different regions will be merged into one).

After the version update, tracked Custom Marker will no longer disappear when zooming in or out on the map.

● Training Guide

Adds the "Level-Up Plans" feature to the "Training Guide" interface. You can set a character as the one you wish to level up, and set level-up goals for their Character Level, Weapon Level, and Character Talent Level. After setting these goals, the system will automatically calculate the amount of materials needed to achieve each goal and display the missing materials if there are insufficient materials.

Additionally, after setting a character as the one you wish to level up:

a. Enemies related to the corresponding character's "Character and Weapon Enhancement Materials" will be pinned and marked in the "Enemies" interface of the Adventurer Handbook.

b. When available, Domains related to the corresponding character's "Character Talent Materials" or "Weapon Ascension Materials" will be pinned in the "Domain" interface of the Adventurer Handbook.

c. Materials related to the corresponding character will be marked in certain interfaces in the "Map" that display material drops (such as Domain details interface, local specialty tracking interface, etc.).

d. If you don't have enough materials to meet the level-up goals, the amount of materials needed to achieve level-up goals and the goals' completion status will be displayed on the item info pop-up when collecting materials.

● Enhancement Systems

Clicking on "Craftable Amount" in the "Source" section of the details for some enhancement materials will now redirect you to the map and highlight the "Crafting Bench" icon.

When obtaining a new item, if you click on the related item in the main screen to access the "Inventory," the "Inventory" interface will display the corresponding new item in a prominent, easily visible position.

Optimizes the operation logic, icon display, and interactive experience when filtering, switching pages, and other operations within the "Character" interface.

In the "Character" interface, there will be special effect prompts when a character's Talent can be leveled up.

Adds an element-based filter for certain situations in Keyboard and Mouse Mode, located below the character avatar list in the "Character" interface.

Adds a feature to the "Character > Weapon > Switch" interface to filter weapons based on their secondary attributes, and the relevant recommended secondary attributes will be marked.

Adds the "Auto Add" function to the "Weapon Enhancement > Refinement" interface.

● Serenitea Pot

Adds usage text instructions and gameplay tutorials to the item details interface of "Radiant Spincrystal."

Adds a quick access function for Tubby in the Serenitea Pot: When in your realm, click the pot icon in the top right corner of the main screen to access the "Tubby" tab. In this tab, you can quickly switch Realm Layouts, create Furnishings, and open the Realm Depot.

Adds more materials for crafting the 3 types of dye in the "Create Furnishing > Creation/Dye" interface.

● Genius Invokation TCG

Adds a button to the "Edit Deck" screen to change the deck's appearance.

The "Deck Design Settings" screen now allows you to set the appearance for individual decks, and also apply batch settings to all decks.

The "Deck List" screen now shows the selected appearance for each deck, and you can change the decks' order by holding and dragging.

When you select either your own or the opponent's Hand, the interface will display the number of cards in Hand.

The opponent's "Forbidden Knowledge" card in their Hand will have a special effect on its Card Back.

Cards that are invalid due to other card effects will now have an effect marker when in the Hand.

The Event Card "Bolstering Bubblebalm" generated by the Character Card "Sigewinne" will trigger special effects when activated.

● Battle Pass

The Battle Pass system's "This BP Period" has been updated to include cross-version tracking for Spiral Abyss task progress: When the Battle Pass is available after a version update, for the "Spiral Abyss" in the same version update, if there are any Abyssal Stars that were not recorded by the previous version's BP Missions, their progress will now be added to the current mission "Gain a total of 12 stars in the Spiral Abyss."

*Relevant features will start recording data from Version 5.4, and will be fully implemented from Version 5.5. In this Version 5.4 update (corresponding to the January 16 Spiral Abyss), only Abyssal Stars earned by using the skip function and were not recorded by the Version 5.3 Battle Pass system will be recorded.

● Audio

Adjusts the words of one of Lyney's Japanese Chat voice line.

Optimizes the English voice lines for some quests.

● Other

Increases the Adventure EXP rewards for certain quests in the "Adventurer Handbook > Experience" interface.

The maximum single instance DMG limit in combat is raised from 9,999,999 to 20,000,000.

In "Shop > Paimon's Bargains," Character and Weapon Enhancement Materials will now be sorted based on the enemy types that drop them.

Optimizes the special effects for Citlali's Opal Shield to make it more visible in Aiming Mode.

Optimizes the combat experience for Chasca when performing Charged Attacks in her Nightsoul's Blessing state against large-sized opponents in narrow spaces.

Through active communication, after the version update, the character Aloy will be available as a Supporting Cast member in "Imaginarium Theater" (when Cryo is one of Imaginarium Theater's required Elemental Types for the season).

Optimizes the appearance when Mavuika's hair effects overlap with translucent scenery in the Nightsoul's Blessing state.

〓Bug Fixes〓

● Enemies

Fixes an issue whereby the enemy "Qucusaurus Warrior: Blazing Sky" would display abnormal behavior due to incorrect orientation when entering the alert state.

Fixes an issue whereby the enemy "Lord of Eroded Primal Fire" could still be hit by certain characters' skills after leaving the combat area.

Fixes an issue under certain circumstances whereby there would be a chance that the enemy "Ruin Guard" would fail to cast its skills normally.

Fixes an issue under certain circumstances whereby treasure could not be collected after defeating the enemy "Iniquitous Baptist."

Fixes an issue whereby under certain circumstances, the enemy Tenebrous Papilla had a small chance of being unable to cast the skill "Beseech the Dark" in the Spiral Abyss.

● Characters

Fixes an issue whereby under certain circumstances, when Xilonen is climbing in her Nightsoul's Blessing state and triggers Nightsoul Transmission to switch to Mavuika, there was a small chance that Mavuika would be unable to move.

Fixes an issue whereby Citlali's model would abnormally disappear when entering Aiming Mode in mid-air.

Fixes an issue whereby when Citlali enters her leaping state, her attack range would abnormally decrease and become inconsistent with her Normal Attacks.

Fixes an issue whereby Citlali's facial expressions would be slightly abnormal when casting her Elemental Skill or triggering her idle animation.

Fixes an issue whereby when Ororon and Citlali leap into the air, glide, and use the gadget "Red Feather Fan," the corresponding special effects would not display normally.

Fixes an issue whereby some damage had a small chance of not triggering the "Hypersense" effect of Ororon's Passive Talent "Nightshade Synesthesia" as intended.

Fixes an issue whereby in Co-Op Mode, when Mavuika or Mualani enter the field of view in the Nightsoul's Blessing state, there was a chance that the special effects of their skills would be abnormal.

Fixes an issue whereby when Mavuika got knocked away on her Flamestrider and defeated, the character's movements would be abnormal.

Fixes an issue whereby in certain environments, Hu Tao's glasses when wearing the outfit "Cherries Snow-Laden" did not display correctly.

Fixes an issue under certain circumstances whereby triggering Mavuika's Lv. 6 Constellation effect would cause abnormal Nightsoul point consumption while in the Nightsoul's Blessing state.

Fixes an issue whereby some outfit special effects were not displaying normally when Mavuika unleashed her Elemental Burst and entered the "Crucible of Death and Life" state.

Fixes an issue whereby under certain circumstances, when triggering Nightsoul Transmission and switching to another character, the character's Nightsoul's Blessing state would be abnormal.

● Open World

Fixes an issue whereby under certain circumstances, a rock near the "Coatepec Mountain" and "Ancestral Temple" areas could not be destroyed by a Flamegranate.

● System

Fixes an issue whereby Lan Yan's character expressions would be slightly abnormal when switching from other characters to Lan Yan and triggering her animation in the "Party Setup" interface.

Fixes an issue whereby after sorting characters in the "Character Showcase" or "Craft" interface, closing and reopening the interface would not reset the character sorting to its default state.

Fixes an issue whereby under certain circumstances, there was a chance that the tutorial "Unlocking Domains" would be unable to trigger normally. After the version update, Travelers who have met the trigger conditions but have not triggered this tutorial will automatically trigger the relevant tutorial upon logging in.

Fixes an issue in the "Character > Voice-Over" interface for Citlali, whereby the voice-over "About Us: Awkwardness" had an incorrect Friendship Level requirement (should be unlocked at Friendship Lv. 6, previously incorrectly set at Friendship Lv. 4).

*For Travelers who have already unlocked this Voice-Over, if Citlali has not reached Friendship Lv. 6, this Voice-Over will be temporarily unavailable until the character's Friendship Level reaches 6.

● Audio

Fixes an issue whereby when Citlali or Mavuika triggered their chat voice lines, after swapping to other system interfaces and returning to the original interface, the characters' interrupted voice lines would not resume playing.

Fixes an issue with the Pyro Traveler Lumine whereby the sound effect of her third Normal Attack was not synchronized with her movements.

Fixes an issue under certain circumstances whereby Mavuika's Charged Attack voice-lines were abnormally missing in Japanese, Korean, and English.

Fixes an issue with Mavuika whereby after performing a Plunging Attack while riding her Flamestrider, the Flamestrider's sound effects would keep playing after switching immediately to the All-Fire Armaments form and exiting the Flamestrider.

Fixes an issue whereby some background music would play abnormally during the phase transition of the enemy "The Knave" after the Version 5.3 update.

Fixes inconsistencies between Chinese voice-over and text in certain quests, and optimizes some Chinese voice-over sound effects.

● System

Fixes an issue on PS5 devices whereby settings could not be applied when setting the key binding to R2 in the "Instrument Settings" interface of the musical instrument gadgets.

Fixes the issue of abnormal list order in the "Co-Op Mode" interface after the Version 5.3 update.

● Other

Fixes an issue with the text description of the effects of the "Ley Line Disorder" on Floor 3 of the Spiral Abyss.

Fixes an issue whereby the item Xiao Lantern could be abnormally attacked by some characters.

Fixes an issue whereby the camera would abnormally shake slightly in certain areas of Natlan.

Fixes an issue whereby under certain circumstances, some actions of the "Firstborn Firesprite" would be triggered abnormally.

Fixes an issue whereby under certain circumstances, the current progress of "Envisaged Echoes" would abnormally be lost when resuming the challenge.

Fixes an issue whereby after Xiangling dons the outfit "New Year's Cheer," selecting "Upbeat Encouragement" in "Take Photo" > "Pose" would result in her actions displaying abnormally.

Fixes an issue in Imaginarium Theater whereby the Performance Event that starts the battle with the character at 50% HP is treated as a healing effect, causing certain character abilities to trigger abnormally at the start of the battle.

Fixes an issue whereby the effect of the weapon "Ferrous Shadow" could not be applied to Mavuika's Flamestrider Charged Attack.

Fixes some text errors in certain languages and optimizes text. (Note: Related in-game functions have not changed. Travelers can view the changes in different languages by going to the Paimon Menu > Settings > Language and changing the Game Language.)

◆ Optimizes inconsistencies between certain voice-overs and the corresponding lines.

◆ Optimizes certain English translations.

〓Genius Invokation TCG Balance Adjustment〓

Adjusts the HP of the Character Card "Emperor of Fire and Iron": Adjusted from 6 to 5 HP.

Adjusts the Elemental Skill DMG of the Character Card "Xianyun": Anemo DMG dealt is adjusted from 2 to 1.

Adjusts the Elemental Dice cost of the Talent Card "In Five Colors Dyed" of the Character Card "Chiori": The Geo Dice cost is adjusted from 3 to 4.

Adjusts the effect of the Technique "Artful Grapple" of the Equipment Card "Yumkasaurus": Effect is adjusted to "Deals 1 Physical DMG, steals 1 card from opponent's Hand with the highest original Elemental Dice Cost. Then, your opponent draws 1 card. If your Hand has no more than 2 cards, this Technique costs 1 less Elemental Die."

*This is a work of fiction and is not related to any actual people, events, groups, or organizations.

"PlayStation", "PS5", "PS4", "DualSense", "DUALSHOCK" are registered trademarks or trademarks of Sony Interactive Entertainment Inc.

[purplecoffee13]

Nemesis with Benefits - Part 2

Summary: “You come over to help your friend with setting up their new couch, but soon you find out that you weren’t the only one

Wc: 4.6k

Tropes: enemies to lovers

Warnings: mention of blood and cheating. loads of banter and tension…

A/N: Hey guys! Here is the second part of Nemesis with Benefits! The tension is brewing and it’s stirring up nothing but confusion!!! I’m so excited about this series, and I’m so grateful to see it getting such a good response. Enjoy!!!

General Masterlist

Series Masterlist

From Benjamin:

HELP I CANT GET MY COUCH TOGETHER😭

Can someone pls come over and help?

You stare at the text messages Benjamin sent in the group chat. You are quick to open your agenda app to see if you are free to help your friend. Before you can even text Benjamin that you're available, and will come over soon, he calls you. You pick up.

"Help!" Benjamin's panicked voice sounds from the other side of the line. "If I have to tackle this couch alone for one more minute, I'm gonna kill someone. And since the couch and I are the only things in the room, it's probably gonna be me!"

You stifle a laugh. "I was just about to text you that I'll come over. Stay there. Don't move, and don't kill yourself."

"I'll try." Benjamin whines dramatically. You roll your eyes as you hang up on your friend, and grab your headphones and jacket.

Within two minutes, you are outside your building and walking to Benjamin's apartment. He moved into an apartment building off campus this summer. A couple of weeks ago his couch—which was already on the verge of breaking—broke, and he had to order a new one. Not that he minded; he loved shopping for anything. He'd always join you whenever you would run errands.

It takes no more than ten minutes to get to Benjamin's apartment building, though, because it is quite close to campus. Plus, you are a fast walker, so you are always a couple of minutes faster.

You ring the doorbell and Benjamin lets you into the building. After riding the elevator, you walk to Benjamin's apartment. He is already waiting in the doorway and gives you a big hug once you're within reach.

"Oh thank God you're here!" He exclaims, hugging you so tight that it is getting hard to breathe. "You are truly the only reliable friend I have around here."

"I'm happy to be of help, babe." You choke out a laugh, pulling out of the embrace, and walking past Benjamin into his living room.

“Now, let’s see what this evil couch is about…”

************************************************

30 minutes later

"How did you manage, out of all couches in the world, to buy the most complex and pain in the ass one?!" You huff, a drop of sweat running down your forehead. You are sitting crisscross applesauce, hunched over, trying to figure out the way this stupid couch is set up.

You managed to get halfway before getting stuck. Step 17 was the devil in disguise, and it had you developing lower back pain and a stress induced headache. Still, you were determined to figure it out. Benjamin asked you for help, and if the help couldn't manage to assemble this couch, you knew he would leave this unfinished for weeks.

"The people at the store said it was easy!" Benjamin protests with a sigh.

"Yeah, maybe for people who sell couches for a living. Not for broke students who prepare all their food in the microwave!" You say, frowning at the couch. Benjamin's killing comment from earlier isn't seeming as dramatic as it did before. You might just throw this couch—or yourself—out the window.

There's a faint knock on the front door. You aren't sure if there is even someone there, but the way Benjamin skips to the door washes the doubt away.

"Hey! What are you doing here?!" Benjamin's voice sounds slightly distressed. You look up to see who he let in, and your face falters immediately at the sight of Harry walking into the living room.

"You said you needed help, so I—" Harry stops talking once he spots you too, and he sighs. Your eyes widen. He has the nerve to actually sigh? What a douchebag!

"I'm going to the bathroom." You say, glaring Harry down as you move out of the living room. You hear some footsteps behind you, and you know that Benjamin is following you. You let him enter the bathroom with you, and turn around as he closes the door.

"I can't believe you would let him come over while I'm here!" You cross your arms. You are quite upset with Benjamin, but even more so with Harry. The sole sight of his smug face sets you off. He annoys you to no end.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know! I texted him, and he never responded. He just comes over without warning a lot. This wasn't intentional, I swear." Benjamin explains, and you can tell that he's sincere. Benjamin can be almost as much of a pain in the butt as his stupid couch, but he would never intentionally hurt you. But Harry would, and he did.

"I just..." you take a deep breath before you make the confession you've been bothered with for a while now. "Harry hurt me, a lot. And you're still friends with him..."

It's Benjamin's turn to sigh. He grabs your arms and levels with you, searching for your eyes.

"Harry is on the bench." He tells you, like you are supposed to know what that means.

"You know we're building you a couch, not a bench—"

"No, dumbass!" Benjamin interrupts you. "Harry's on the friendship bench. He was demoted to second string. He ain't playing in the game that I call my inner circle."

You sigh. "Okay, could you just leave the metaphors for a second and tell me what you mean—"

"I punched him." He shrugs as if it is as simple as ever. You, however, have your mouth hanging wide open.

"You punched Harry?"

"Of course I did. What he did to you was beyond shitty, and he totally deserved it." Benjamin confirms, and your heart sinks at the fact that you doubted his loyalty to you in the first place. "But Harry has been one of my best friends since high school. And what happened— well... let's just say that the story is not totally black and white."

That makes you feel a bit offended. "What is not black and white about this situation? Dylan cheated, Harry participated."

"I agree, that part is black and white. That's why I punched him." He nods his head. "Now, you can go home, and I will try and assemble this stupid couch with him. I totally understand that you don't want to stay here."

"No!" You say angrily. Benjamin's eyebrows crease into a frown, almost as surprised as you by your drive to stay here.

"But—"

"Why?! So he can brag about the couch that I basically put together?!" You murmur as you cross your arms, eyes squinting a bit at the thought of him walking around with that inflated ego of his. There is absolutely no way he is getting another something of yours, again!

"Y/N, it's just a couch—" Benjamin tries to argue, but you won't hear of it.

"This is not about the stupid couch!" You blurt out. This shuts him up. He stares at you for a few seconds with this look in his eyes that reads 'go home, don't do this'. But you don't feel like listening, so you walk past him, out of the bathroom and back into the living room.

"I don't think this is a good idea!" Benjamin calls out from the bathroom.

"Too bad!" You call back. Benjamin is right on your heels and right next to you by the time you stand in front of Harry again. He has already seated himself in the place where you were sitting just now. He's got the manual in one hand and a screw driver in the other.

"I fixed the problem. You were using the wrong screws." Harry says, the comment more directed at Benjamin than at you. But you take it personally anyway, because you are the one who selected the screws. You walk over to him and snatch the manual out of his hands.

"I read it five times, I definitely used the right—" upon reading step 17 for the fifth time, you finally see the name of the screws you were supposed to use. Your brain tends to mash up words after a while, and all the screws' names really read alike.

When you look up from the piece of paper, you see Harry smirking at you. He knows he's right, and he knows you know he's right, and that makes you incredibly angry. He shouldn't be allowed to be right, ever. Not in front of you, at least.

With a groan, you sit yourself down next to Harry and snatch the screwdriver out of his hand before burying your nose into the manual again. You mutter a small profanity under your breath, and Harry just scoffs at the sound of it.

This is gonna be a long evening...

************************************************

"Fuck." Harry curses, mainly to himself, when the leg of the couch doesn't stay in place once again. He has tried three times now, not letting you help him.

"I told you to—"

"Shut up." Harry growls, not even sparing a glance at you. He is heavily concentrating on his failing work.

"This could be solved quicker if you'd just listen to me." You tell him, reaching towards the sofa table where you've put all the screws and other necessary stuff for building this couch.

"No. This could be solved quicker if you'd just let me look at the manual." Harry responds. You squint at him, even though he can't see you. He'll feel the hate of your withering stare nonetheless.

You don't say anything, though, keeping yourself as you sort out the screws that lie in front of you. It has been an hour of sitting with Harry and trying to piece this couch together. So far you have had the upper hand, mainly because you have the manual.

Benjamin tried to help the first 30 minutes, but after being snarled at too many times, he resigned to cleaning his kitchen. So now you are sitting alone with Harry.

"Okay... done. What's next?" Harry asks, looking at you and the manual in your lap. You don't return the glance, still focused on counting the amount of screws you need.

"Wait."

Harry rolls his eyes. "If you'd just give me the stupid manual—"

"Damn it! Now I lost count." You look up and glare at Harry. "Could you shut up for a second?"

"Nope. Give me the manual." He crosses his arms. Leaning against the wall behind him. You shake your head. There is no way he is getting this piece of paper.

"No."

You go back to counting the screws, when all of a sudden the manual is snatched away from your lap. Your mouth falls open and your eyes follow the way Harry's hands take it away. You are about to cuss him out, when Benjamin's voice announces something from behind you.

"Guys, I have a class in twenty minutes, so I have to go. C'mon, I can finish the couch another time." He says and you don't miss the relief in his voice. He's probably already happy that his apartment didn't blow up in the first ten minutes of you and Harry being in the same room.

"It's fine. I can finish it up. Won't take long, now that I've got the manual and everything." Harry offers with a smile. Jaw clenched, you swallow his stupid comment and also turn to your friend.

"I'll stay too. Have to finish what I started."

There is no way in hell you're letting Harry get away with acting like he built this whole couch by himself, when it was actually just the step 17 and about five others after that.

"Oh, that's very sweet, but I don't know if—"

"We won't kill each other, I promise." I try to reassure him, hoping to get some backing from Harry about this.

"We won't?"

You turn around and give Harry your greatest death stare.

"I'm just saying, you were being pretty aggressive with that screwdriver just now." He puts his hands up defensively. You sigh, redirecting your attention back to your friend.

"Fine. I promise to refrain from impaling Harry's head with a screwdriver until we're outside of the apartment." You say.

"Yeah, that sounds more believable." Harry murmurs approvingly.

Benjamin looks at the two of you, thinking it over for a bit. Everything about his face reads that he thinks this is a bad idea. You don't blame him the slightest, but you let your eyes plead him to let you do this anyway. You need it. The exact reason why, you don't know. But... you just need this.

"Okay." Benjamin finally says, earning a smile from you. "Help yourself to whatever is in the fridge. I'll be back in about two hours."

"Aye aye captain." You joke, giving your friend a hug before returning to the floor alongside Harry. You hear the rattling of the house keys Benjamin grabbed from the counter, and watch as he walks to his front door.

"Don't get blood on my new couch." He shouts just in time for the door to slam shut. You take a deep breath, the fact that you are alone with Harry now really kicking in.

It's fine. You can do this. He sucks.

"Can you tell me how many screws I needed again?" You ask, attempting to be as polite as you possibly can to the guy your boyfriend cheated on you with.

"I don't know, can I? Oh wait, of course I can. Because I have the manual." He taunts, flicking the pages to step 25. He reads and reads, and a smirk forms on his face as his head lifts up.

"Guess."

"Don't be an asshole. Just tell me, I want to get this over with." You say, your head tilting. The look in your eyes radiates seriousness, and for a moment you think Harry understands how you're feeling.

"Erm, that wasn't a guess, that was just words."

If it was physically possible to exert steam from your ears, you would've looked like an old train. You groan and lean forward to snatch the manual away from Harry, but he is quick to move it out of reach. He holds it over his head.

"Aw c'mon, it was just a joke!" Harry teases even further. You are seeing red with rage and it takes everything to not scream every foul word in the book at him.

"It's not funny!" You try to grab the paper again, but Harry is too swift for you.

"It kind of is."

"No it's not! Nothing about this is funny!" You suddenly snap. "I don't want to be here with you. I just want to finish building this stupid couch and go home, so please give me the manual."

"Then why are you still here?!" Harry inquires firmly, a deep frown knitted onto his face.

"Why are you?!" You fire back, frustrating grown with each second that your eyes bore into his.

"I asked you a question, Y/N. I told Benjamin I'd do it myself, you cannot stand me. There is no logical reason for you to still be here, so why the fuck are you?"

"Because I can't let you take another thing from me!"

You blurt out confession before you have a chance to stop yourself, and your cheeks instantly go red with embarrassment. Harry's mouth hangs slightly open at the collection of words that just left your mouth. You avoid his eyes burning onto your skin as you try to steady your breathing. Your heart is pounding out of your chest.

"Just give me the stupid manual." You mumble, snagging it from his unsuspecting hands. You open the little book to your page, but the hiss that leaves Harry's mouth has you looking up at him. Your eyes widen at the sight of blood.

Dripping from Harry's hand is quite a bit of blood. Shit, you gave him a huge paper cut. Guilt washes over you, and you rush to the kitchen and back to give him some paper towels. Out of instinct, you wrap the towels around his hand. You are closer to Harry than you would normally be, but it's an emergency—one that you caused—so there's a necessary reason for it.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to— let's get you to the kitchen." You put some pressure on his small wound and drag him to the kitchen. Harry doesn't say anything, but he lets you lead anyway. It is like your confession has shut him up, which is very rare because Harry never shuts up.

You put Harry's injured hand under the faucet and let the water wash away the blood. You get a better look of the cut and can deduce that a little bit of bandage would be best to keep a bit of pressure on it for now. You tell Harry to keep his hand in the same place, and reach for the first aid box you bought Benjamin as one of his housewarming gifts. This one was more of a joke, but it comes in handy now.

By the time you've collected everything you need, you turn off the faucet and dry Harry's hand with some new paper towels. It is completely silent between the two of you as you dap the towels onto his skin. But you can feel Harry's stare. It doesn't surprise you very much when he speaks up.

"I'm sorry."

Your body stops everything it was doing and takes in the apology for a few seconds, then resumes back to drying Harry's hand

"I'm gonna put some bandage around your hand. It'll keep pressure on the cut. You'll be able to switch to a band aid after a while." You casually explain, choosing to ignore his words. You don't really have the mental capacity to deal with it right now.

"Y/N, I'm not just saying it. I mean it, I'm sorry." Harry almost pleads. You look at him and hate the sincerity that flashes through his eyes. You'd prefer it if it wasn't there. It's gonna turn out to be bullshit anyway; he shouldn't be saying it like he means it. "What I— we did was stupid, I shouldn't have done that. I was just... I was in love, and I thought—"

"I don't want to listen to your excuses, Harry." You interrupt him. "You may have your reasons, but you did what you did. It already happened, you can't talk yourself out of it."

"I'm not trying to talk myself out of it."

"Then what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to tell you the truth." Harry grits through his teeth.

"So what? So I can feel bad for you about stealing my boyfriend?!" You respond, the condescension in your tone dripping over the words you speak.

"You stole him first!" He growls very loudly. You are taken aback by the sudden aggressiveness.

"What?" The questions almost comes out like a whisper. You are utterly lost. What is this guy talking about? Harry huffs, looking away from you. He is clearly embarrassed.

"Nothing."

"No, tell me." You demand, wrapping the bandage around Harry's palm. "You owe me, at the very least."

Harry sighs, shaking his head. His eyes flick between yours and the his wounded hand. He exhales deeply before finally beginning with talking.

"We were... sleeping together, Dylan and I. It was casual; he said he didn't want a relationship, that he wasn't ready. Then about three weeks after saying that, he started dating you."

You don't open your mouth, instead focusing on processing the information that Harry is throwing your way, which is proving to be a bit difficult. You shake your head.

"That's shitty of him." You simply say, deciding to not want to offer him any pity. It is indeed a fucked up thing to string someone along and then date someone else, but it doesn't excuse what Harry did.

You focus on finishing up with the bandage on Harry's arm, and smile at your work. You could definitely be a nurse if you wanted to.

"Okay. Let's go back to that devil of a couch." You say, and the air feels a bit lighter now. It isn't so heavy with unresolved tension as it was before. There still is loads, but it is easier to breathe than before.

"Alright." Harry agrees, walking behind you to the living room.

************************************************

One and a half hour later

"I'm never doing favors for anyone ever again." You say, staring wide-eyed at the couch you and Harry finally managed to put together. It took you long enough—thanks to Harry—but you're finally done.

"Gotta agree with you on that one." Harry nods, hands on his hips as he analyzes the couch.

"Of course you do. I'm always right." You shrug, and Harry rolls his eyes.

The past hour and a half have been strangely good for you and Harry. You still hate him, and you are pretty sure he feels the same way about you, but there is kind of a non-negotiated truce now. That doesn't keep you from seizing every opportunity to insult him. You haven't lost your edge.

You flop down on the couch, and Harry follows suit. You sit in silence, staring at the white wall in front of you. That's when you see something on the sofa table, and you can quite literally feel the blood drain from your face.

In the table lay a ziplock bag of screws. Ones that you were supposed to put somewhere in this couch, but you didn't. All freaked out, you start looking for the instructions again.

"Where's the manual?" You question, aimlessly scanning the room. When your glance goes past Harry, you see the little white book in his hand. You lean forward to grab it, but he moves it away from you very quickly.

"Come on. It wasn’t funny the first time, it’s not funny now.” You tilt your head and reach out your hand, hoping that your motherly tone will make him put the piece of paper back in your hand. But he doesn’t, only shrugging at your tiny lecture. Your lips break into a slight smirk, and you heave a sigh.

“Fine. You want to play foul, then foul it is.”

Then, in a matter of seconds, you’ve thrown yourself over Harry, grasping the manual. You have managed to get a hold of it, clearly having caught him off guard. But that doesn’t hold for long, as he’s regained his senses quickly and puts an arm around your waist, lifting you up and throwing you off the couch. You land on the rug with a small thud, and although it doesn’t hurt much, there is fire in your eyes when they meet Harry’s cocky face. He’s holding up the manual behind him as he laughs at you lying on the ground.

Without thinking for another second, you charge at him, jumping on him and snatching the manual out of his hands. You lean back to get away, but almost fall backwards. That is until an arm around your waist catches you. You are pulled into Harry and his action to save you leaves the both of you very close to one another. You are still breathing heavily from your ‘attack’, but then you feel something else.

The beating of your heart at the proximity between you and Harry; it stresses you out to be this close to him. Suddenly, it becomes apparent, too apparent; Harry’s fingers are dug into your waistline.

You blame the way your body reacts to the fact that you haven’t gotten laid in a month, yet you can’t seem to tear your eyes away from Harry. He shares your troubles, his gaze fixated on you like you could fade away at any second.

Your eyes widen ever so slightly when Harry leans forward. A couple inches, but forward nonetheless. No matter how radical and ridiculous your mind finds this action, your body doesn’t do a thing to stop it. There is a spark that radiates off Harry and enters your veins through the touch of his fingers, the heat of his breath, and the feel of his stare.

His eyes dart from yours to your mouth, asking without asking, as he inches closer with every few seconds. You feel those sparks morphing into a flame as Harry’s lips brush yours ever so slightly, and your heavy eyes flutter shut.

“I’m back!”

You jump off Harry’s lap in an impressive short amount of time, just in time for the door to shut and Benjamin to walk through the door. His eyes travel to the counter, where a partly bloodied paper towel still lies. A gasp leaves his lips.

“YOU STABBED HIM?!”

His eyes fly to you and Harry, and he sighs deeply at the sight of the both of you unharmed, well… mostly.

“I can’t believe you’d think I’d stab him.”

“Why did you think she was the one who stabbed me?”

You and Harry responded at the same time. You flick Harry a look before explaining the situation to your friend.

“I accidentally gave him a paper cut.” You point to Harry’s bandaged hand, which he is holding up. “But thanks for thinking I’m vicious enough to stab someone, I guess.”

“Yeah, and thanks a lot for thinking I’m not.” Harry adds with a frown, his arms crossed. Benjamin stifles out a laugh.

“Well, thanks for the couch. I owe you guys.” He smiles, pulling you into a hug. “D’ya wanna go for a drink together?”

“No!” You call out as soon as Benjamin finishes his question, earning a pair of confused looks from the two boys. “I— uh, I have to go. Assignment. I have to do an assignment.”

You stumble over your words and steps as you grab your jacket and headphones, heading for the front door.

“Okay… will I see tonight?!” Benjamin shouts the question which reminds you of Tyler’s birthday party tonight. Tyler is a friend you got to know through Benjamin. Almost hooked up with him once.

“I’ll let you know!” Is all you say before walking out the door, shutting the door behind you. You rush to the elevator, not wanting the boys to catch up with you. You put on your headphones, taking a deep breath before putting play on the music.

You need some time to think about what the fuck happened back there.

[yeonlogic]

★ baby be mine ⋆｡°✩

PAIRING bestfriend!gyu + f!reader GENRE/WARNINGS fluff, crack, friends to lovers au, gyu works in a vinyl shop, gyu gets friendzoned woopsies, mild swearing, semi smau reader is friends with chaewon & kazuha from lsrfm

SYNOPSIS you and gyu have been friends since you first saw each other at school and now your starting to develop feelings for him

wc: around 3k?

“are you done picking out a vinyl you want or what” beomgyu complained looking at you look through the compartment full of vinyls

“yeah yeah whatever, you work here anyway im sure the owner wont mind you closing up the shop late” you said as you took a look around the cd section thinking about whether you should get a cd or a vinyl.

“okay uhm I decided Im not getting anything” you chuckled nervously looking at beomgyu knowing he would say something about it

“yah you cant just spend hours looking at the shop for around 3hours and not picking anything!?” he frowned “okay okay Im sorry ill make it up to you and help you close down the shop.”

you two started closing down the shop together. as you two finished you took a look at the city in the night admiring how it looked.

“your still walking me home right..?” you said turning to him as he was locking up the shop door “yeah I always do cuz your scared of those weirdos who would come after you” he teased “well Its not my fault its scary, what if a random guy chases me or something” your voice had a hint of worry and nervousness as you said that, gyu walked up to you by your side “Its alright ill be your night and shining armor” beomgyu said jokingly “now come on its getting late.”

you two walked the streets together your hands shoved In the pocket of your hoodie, it was cold freezing cold.

“hey if you have the time you should teach me how to use the guitar” you nudged his shoulder with yours looking at him with a smile on your face, “how about tomorrow? If you can” he chuckled “also your shivering a lot.. is it that cold..?” he grabbed your wrist stopping you from walking away as he took his jacket off and draped It on your shoulders, your heart was beating from how close he was to you, you were so used to him being close to you all the time but why was this one different?

you felt your cheeks heat up a bit but you didnt worry about it too much. “thanks..” you murmured, his jacket was warm enough to block the cold, “dont mention it” he replied as you two continued to walk back to your home.

“thanks for walking me back home gyu” you smiled and gave him a hug, “also here you should take your jacket back” you took it off as beomgyu stopped you from doing it “no keep it, it looks better on you” he laughed softly “ill see you tomorrow?” “mhm” you replied as you entered your house going into your room.

you dropped onto your bed looking up at the ceiling confused about what you were feeling at that moment gyu gave you his jacket that was now wrapped around your torso.

you grabbed your phone from your pocket and opened the messages app.

you turned off your phone and placed it on your bedside table, you felt confused why were you feeling these random butterflies in your stomach whenever you think about beomgyu oh god “THE FUCKING HEART?!?!?” you screamed into your pillow “okay clam down maybe its just a platonic gesture calm down and just sleep this through.” you muttered to yourself as you layed down on your bed.

you were In a cafe with chaewon since everyone from school was on school break so you both decided to hang out today

“ugh Im so glad were on break right now i think I would’ve passed out if the teacher gave us any more test papers” she ranted and complained while you were zoned out lost in your thoughts about last night.

“y/n?, helloo earth to y/n!?, Y/N!!!” chae snapped at you “huh?” you replied “girl did you even listen to what I was saying” “uh yeah ofc”

“then what did I say?” one of her eyebrow was raised up “uhm that you wanted that bag you saw?” chaewon looked at you

“seriously y/n whats got you acting so weird this day” chaewon stared at you while sipping her iced coffee, “honestly I dont even know Its just something about last night..” you said nervously “tell me, maybe I can do something about it”

“promise me you wont laugh..?” “duhh.”

“Its just I never knew I’d look at my bestfriend differently, you know beomgyu right?” “yeah the one who works at the vinyl shop down town right” chaewon replied

“yeah.. well uhm I was with him last night and he walked me home but its something about the way he saw I was freezing and gave me his jacket— but I mean its not even that romantic Its the part where he put the jacket on me he was so..close something about that just felt so different to me because Im so used to being close with him all the time but it was just that one moment that made me realize maybe I have feelings for him..?” you sighed and covered your face with your hands “chaeeee what do I dooo” you pleaded feeling embarrassed to talk about this to your girl bestfriend

“Look as much as I dont know shit about love I can tell you definitely have feelings for him I mean.. you two were friends since 8th grade till now you two are technically inseparable” she shrugged “I guess..maybe If i just ignore him for the whole week maybe he wont notice that I have feelings for him??” “idk girl im sorry but I dont know what to do.”

6:22 PM

you arrived at the vinyl shop where you could see gyu standing at the cash register as you entered the shop and approached him.

“hey gyu um..we might have to cancel that guitar lesson since Im gonna be busy this day” you smiled nervously at him hoping he wouldn’t ask you why or what your gonna do. “oh alright..” he said, you could feel a bit of sadness from his voice and you felt bad because of it, “maybe next time?” you said as you left the shop feeling guilty.

beomgyu went home to his shared apartment with his friends as he saw soobin and hueningkai playing a videogame together on the couch, gyu approached them and grabbed the tv remote and turned It off and sat Inbetween the two boys “heyy I was about to beat soobin hyung” kai frowned “yah why are you so grumpy today” soobin side eyed him “its nothing..” gyu responded and sat up from the couch and went to his bedroom.

-

another day passes by and you and chaewon are together spending time at the arcade just chatting and playing some games, you havent chatted gyu ever since that night because of how scared you were for him to find out you have a crush on him.

“oh btw y/n I invited kazuha we havent seen her in so long and apparently shes taking a 1 week vacay here” chaewon was excited to see your guys friend that you havent seen from since she left the country.

“holy shit zuha Is taking a vacation here?!?!? why didn’t you tell me earlier!!” you were suprised as you saw kazuha enter the arcade from the entrance, you ran towards her so fast and engulfed her in your arms “zuhaaa you never told me you came heree you dont know how much i missed you” “im still here yk” chaewon pouted and crossed her arms looking at you

kazuha chuckles “I wanted it to be a suprise for you two, what are we waiting for? enough about me being here i still have to make it up to you two since i havent spent time with you guys ever since” she frowned as you and chaewon gave her a hug.

-

“taehyun you promised me your gonna win me a plushie from the claw machine right” kai giggled looking at tyun “yeah yeah whatever” taehyun responded.

“hey gyu isnt that y/n over there?” yeonjun looked at beomgyu, beomgyus gaze was on you. “be right back guys” he said and ran towards you but he overheard your convo with your friends.

“hey y/n have you and that guy bestfriend youve been friends for like what 5 years? what was his name..? oh beomgyu! have you two ever dated yet? you two were stuck together like glue.” kazuha asked you

you coughed “what? oh beomgyu! hes just a friend”

“friend, friend, friend”

was all that gyu heard from that convo, he immediately left and went to his friends and told them that he wasnt in the mood to play arcade games with them so he left early.

“why does it have to be the girl i like to friend zone me like that” gyu sighed as he slumped on his bed just thinking about you “agh fuck this is embarrassing beomgyu get yourself together” he murmured to himself.

-

same old day just beomgyu sitting on the couch with taehyun on his left and soobin on his right, “do you guys know if y/n likes anyone by any chance..” gyu asked “lol no.” soobin responded “wow thanks soobin” beomgyu scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“if i do remember her friend chaewon told me she liked someone but im just not sure who” taehyun said as he scrolled on his phone “did i hear gyu having a crush?” yeonjun teased.

“it just..pisses me off how she hasnt talked to me for 2days and now shes telling her friends that im just a friend to her..” he sighed laying his head back on the header of the couch “wait wait y/n friendzoning you?” kai chuckled “shes just saying that chaewon told me about it.”

“told you about what?” he says.

“that she likes you duhh” kai responded “come on gyu you needa step up your game its so obvious she likes you because of how shes ghosting you and saying your just a friend cause shes hiding the fact she likes you!?” kai chuckles looking at how dumbfounded beomgyu looked “OoOoo~ beomgyus inlove~” soobin and yeonjun teased him about it “shut up.” was gyus response.

beomgyu got up from the couch and went into his room opening the messages app from his phone and texted you.

“wanna meet up..? my treat :)” he sends the send button as he waits for your reply.

*buzz buzz*

his phone vibrated from your notification. “sure! what time??” you replied to his text msg “right now maybe?” gyu replied.

he got up from his bed and immediately grabbed his shoes and slipped them on and rushed out the door. “whats up with him?” taehyun said “inlove for sure” soobin added.

-

as he got In his car, he drove to your place and parked his car right infront of your house, as he gets out of the driver seat he goes up to your door *knock knock*

“coming!!” you rushed downstairs and answer the door to see beomgyu on your doorstep “hey uhm havent seen you in awhile whats the occasion for the hang out?” you smiled.

“just something i have something to tell you” gyu chuckled nervously as he opened the car door for the passenger seat for you.

you two went on a city night drive with snooze by sza playing on the radio everything was going chill and calm until gyu stopped at a park. “were here” he smiled and got out of the car to open the car door to the passenger seat.

- you two sat on a bench, silence filling up the air. “so..what were you gonna talk about?” you said breaking the silence “i’ve just been thinking..for the past few days you’ve been ignoring me and avoiding texting me which i kinda hated not gonna lie” “he giggled “but during those days I honestly realized i couldnt be myself without you talking to me for 2days i know call me dramatic but i cant live without talking to you y/n” he frowned, you honestly didnt know how to react about it.

“im sorry i havent talked to you..I- just was feeling things that i felt that was wrong i mean- ugh fuck am i really about to say this?, Im confused about my feelings gy-“ “I like you too dummy.” He responded before you could finish your sentence. you just sat there looking at him “dont look at me like that its true” he giggled “fine i admit it I like you- actually no I love you” you finally said it and oh how you felt so relieved to let those words slip out of your mouth knowing your best friend beomgyu felt the same way as you did.

“so if I like you and you like me..does that mean we’re a couple or?” gyu said as you just laughed “yes. yes gyu i would gladly be your girlfriend” you smiled at him as you gave a kiss on his cheek making his heart flutter.”

“well im glad because I love you too” he responded and kissed you, you felt a wave of shock from it and didnt know how to explain it but your lips just melted with his, his lips were soft and plush on yours. “Im so glad your mine now.” He whispered.

a/n: PHEEEEWWW I finally finished this my hands are lowkey sweating rn but I hope you guys enjoy this 🥹 I might make extra beomgyu bf texts for this later so ^^

heres sum extra gyu content added onto this ff I did!!

bf!gyu texts

[jks1uv]

𝑀𝑒𝑛 𝐼 𝑇𝑟𝑢𝑠𝑡 ; tasm!peter parker | one-shot |

summary: benjamin pointdexter has chosen his object of affection obsession and it’s you, but not if peter parker can help it!

pairing: gf!fem!reader x bf!tasm!peter parker + platonic fem!reader x matthew murdock + platonic fem!reader x frank castle.

trope: established relationship.

genre: fluff + mild angst + hurt / comfort + some comedic relief.

warnings‼️: crude language + mentions of stalking + mentions of violence / killing.

word count: 1,516.

random disclaimerrr: i think garfield's peter parker / spider-man would be the perfect spidey to interact w daredevil & the punisher. like come on. his quips & no nonsense attitude would make him the annoying little brother to matt & frank but they'd develop a soft spot for the kid bc he's just like them. happy reading! ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ ♡ © 2025 @jks1uv

It was fast, the realization.

Your laptop’s camera light turned on randomly one day, the white light tiny yet glaringly obvious.

You squint your eyes and wondered ‘what the fuck?’.

The only times the light turns on is when you’re taking a test that requires a webcam or if you’re on the app, yet neither of those things were true at the time.

You weren’t too weary but the thought of someone hacking into the cameras of your devices has crossed your mind a few times.

So, you went to the hardware store to get some answers.

The guy hums in thought and checks some stuff on your laptop before scribbling something down on a sticky note.

“So, I can’t see much activity on my end. It’s probably just some manual stuff, minor details that need to be cranked out.”

He slides the paper to you.

“But, if you go to this address or call these numbers; they may be of more service and be able to tell you what’s really going on.”

You look down and see something totally different from his explanation. It makes your heart drop out of your ass.

Don’t panic! You’ve been hacked and there’s a chance of audio being picked up as well. Remain calm and go to your local police station. Stay at another address in case of potential threat.

You had an idea that would yield better results than what the police would have done.

Peter side-eyes your laptop with skepticism, his jaw clenched and lips puckered to the side in thought.

You’ve never seen him this mad before.

If he were animated, you’re sure he would’ve exploded 3 times now and would still have heat fumes above his head.

You nervously blink and fiddle with your rings, growing a bit anxious at his quietness.

“Who’ve you come into recent contact with?” His voice hoarsely drops like a needle on a vinyl.

You clear your throat. “You, MJ, my dad… I met with Harry for lunch earlier this week, and that’s it.”

He nods coolly, trying to keep a levelheaded look.

“You’re sure that’s it? No one from work seems suspect?”

You think about this calmly, intently. You focus on remembering anyone who’d said or did something that made you think twice about it, no matter how harmless the subject may have been at the time.

You do remember something, rather someone.

“Umm… There’s this guy at work, Benjamin. He works on a different floor than me but he asked me out to dinner once.”

Peter’s blood runs cold. “Go on.”

“It was a few months into our relationship and he asked if he could take me out to dinner. I said no and that I have a boyfriend but he told me that he never mentioned it being a date.”

“So?”

Peter had a feeling he knew where this was going but for your sake, he wanted it to be untrue so bad.

“I just awkwardly laughed it off and said that maybe another time as you were expecting me home.”

He sighs heavily and runs a hand through his hair.

“His expression changed for a split second, like he was annoyed or upset. Then he just politely smiled and let me be.”

Peter nods, already knowing.

“Do… Do you think it’s him?”

You want to dismiss that idea so bad because he seemed nice. But maybe that’s never enough.

“Yup.” He responds, not missing a beat.

“But we haven’t spoken since then.”

“Y/n, he’s the only one with a possible motive. He asked you out, you said no, so now he’s doing whatever he can to keep seeing you without you being in his way.”

Without you being in his way.

Benjamin resorts to stalking you because that’s the only way he gets what he wants and you won’t deny his advances.

It makes you feel small, so… small.

Why would he do that?

You were polite when you didn’t have to be. You saw him as a friend so why couldn’t he give you the same courtesy? He can’t just take no for an answer?

Peter can see you spiraling. He sees that distant look in your eyes when you’re thoughts run at a hundreds miles per minute.

He grips your hand on your thigh and interlocks his fingers with yours.

“Hey, hey, hey. Don’t do that.” He softly calls out to you.

You subconsciously hum but he holds you face in his soft yet calloused hands.

“Don't go somewhere I can’t follow.” He tilts your head up to meet his gaze. “Stay here with me.”

You deeply exhale and rub your thumbs up and down his wrists, your forehead coming down on to his.

It's when the tears fill your eyes that he kisses the closed eyelids and hugs you so tight, like you'll fall to pieces.

“I'll make it right." He whispers the quiet vow into your hairline. "I promise.”

You know he will and that's part of the reason you cry.

You've never seen Peter angry but it's personal this time, you don't know what'll happen and you don't know how to feel.

Should you be nervous? Happy? You're scared but the thought of knowing someone out there is willing to take advantage of people like you will be taken care of makes you less afraid.

Maybe Benjamin Pointdexter deserves what's coming to him.

“We've all gathered here tonight because Benjamin Pointdexter must die.”

“Okay, so that was not mentioned in the briefing, like, at all.” The lawyer in Matthew immediately objects.

“Kid's right, Red.”

And of course, it's overruled by Frank Castle.

The hardened man views the picture frame on top of the shelf above the chimney, casing the precious image inside: your gorgeous smile and Peter not-so-nonchalantly admiring it.

“You know he is.” His gruff voice softens a tad as he thinks about you.

You’re like a daughter to him. He believes his Lisa would love you and be just like you.

Frank clears his throat and thoughts away and forces himself to come back to reality.

“Don't encourage him.” The Catholic man sighs and asks, “Why are we really here, Peter?”.

“I just gave you my thesis statement.” Peter doubles down.

“I’m not going to be able to help if I don’t know the whole story.”

Matthew insists and Peter isn’t having it.

“Alright, you really wanna know? Benjamin Pointdexter was stalking Y/n through her computer monitor. So now, I’m gonna kill him.”

Frank isn’t shy about killing but even he has to admit that maybe the idea is a bit of an overkill.

“How about maybe paralyzing him from the neck down momentarily and then dump him in front of the police station?”

Matthew and Peter both look like they've just heard the Frank Castle suggest a non-graphic, non-murderous idea.

“Wow.” Matthew scoffs, a half-smile on his face.

Frank shakes his head and look off to the side. “Yeah, yeah alright.”

Peter calms down and takes his words into careful consideration, his word is kind of law around here.

Everyone loves Spider-Man and if he says that's a stalking criminal, then that guy's a stalking predator.

He nods. “Alright, yeah. I'm fine with that.”

Matt clears his throat and asks for the game-plan but Peter insists to leave that up to him.

“I got it all figured out, thanks guys.”

Matthew didn't think Peter had it in him to be level headed about this but he's impressed with the younger man's honesty.

The Devil of Hell's Kitchen has learned a thing or two about evil and it's that when necessary, must die. To kill or not to kill is simply the matter of principle and one he'll always evade if he can help it.

“I care about her, too. She's a dear friend but she needs you now more than ever.”

Matt knows when someone is lying but he needs to know. He needs to be sure.

Killing is a slippery slope not many get to see the bottom of.

“I know.”

It doesn't take a lie detector test to know Peter's telling the truth, even Frank knew from the organized look on his face.

“Be careful, Peter.”

Frank in dad-mode is always an endearing sight to see and Peter appreciates it.

“Will do, old man.”

Peter goes out that same night, leaving Frank and Matthew guarding you in your apartment.

If there's anyone you and your boyfriend can unanimously agree on trusting after Spider-Man, it's The Punisher and the Devil of Hell's Kitchen.

You're fast asleep in bed, the effects of taking a tylenol kicked your headaches ass hard.

Peter lingers by the doorway, adoring the sleeping beauty in her bed.

He wishes for it to always be like this; you, alive and well-taken care of by him, a strong man who knows his limits and understands what he has to do to be the protector everyone relies on.

It will be, he thinks before donning the mask and taking off into the night and being the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man he was born to be.

[aro-laurance-zvahl]

Yeah! Like. Jess&Co can do what they want. But what they want is things that contradict the overall vibe of the series

mcd spoils

rant :3

hate how jessica started living through aph as the series progressed. jess's annoying little habit to implement her own personality onto aphmau has honestly left me FERAL because whenever i see aph do something in the show in the most recently released episodes, my mind immediately goes to she would never do that. it's kinda ruined the show. she imposed her own fantasies and fetishes that have ultimately led mcd to be a self indulgent story of hers. its frustrating to think about how great the show could've become was it not for her reflecting her own personality through aphmau and

of course, the butchering of some of the main characters in the show- laurance and garroth to push viewers towards aarmau. i LOVE aarmau, but not the aarmau jess's shown us.

aaron is just a burlier version of garroth. talking to my friend about this has made me realise so much as well, like how aaron was ultimately a substitute for garroth. a substitute for a salty, weird ass husband who couldnt bear to see his wife make her self insert's love interest someone that wasn't based off of him.

in any case, even though this happened, they could've saved this whole shipwreck by just implementing a proper healing arc for aaron to make it valid and SHOW the romance happening. and not rush it the fuck up and then have aaron fucking explode for no reason- LITERALLY no reason because i found out that zane becomes a damn shadow knight anyway (thanks for that mel😭). defeated the entire purpose of his death, great!

as much as i hate jason, i love aaron SO much and it hurt to see him die so damn quick. just when he was getting used to the people around him as well. grrrrrr.

OHHHHHHH THE POTENTIAL MY BABIES 💔💔💔💔💔🫂🫂🫂

[wild-magics]

ADHD *Hacks* That Help Me Immensely

I just turned 30 this year and I feel like I've finally gotten more of a handle on my ADHD and developed some habits that make doing tasks MUCH easier. I still have my difficult days but overall I'm much better at getting done the stuff that I need to do, and I thought I'd share them so they may possibly help others. Some of them unfortunately do involve a monetary investment to purchase certain items but the way they have helped my mental health makes them 100% worth it to me. I also know some of these have been mentioned in guides before but it never hurts to hear them again.

*For people who are forgetful about taking their meds: DOWNLOAD A MEDICATION APP ON YOUR PHONE THAT SENDS OUT MULTIPLE REMINDERS UNTIL YOU'VE MARKED OFF THAT YOU'VE TAKEN THEM. This has been THEE most helpful for me and making sure I take my medications consistently and mostly on time. I use the free version of Medisafe on my iPhone. I put in the meds I need to take and a time I need to take them, and it sends me a reminder every day. If I don't take them immediately and mark it off, it sends me reminders every few minutes until I check off that I've taken them, and it tells me the time I took them. You can snooze the reminder if you need to take it later than usual, and you can turn on critical reminders that make noise. If you have a problem getting out of bed to take them, you can keep your meds and a drink next to your bed so that you don't have to even get up.

*For people who often forget their hot drinks for long enough they get cold: Buy a coffee mug warmer. I like to drink my coffee in bed in the morning, and I have it on my dresser next to my bed. It keeps it warm long enough for me to finish it, and if I forget to turn it off, it has an automatic shut off so it doesn't stay on all day. Mine has a cord so it needs an outlet nearby, but they probably have battery-operated ones if you don't have an outlet nearby and that you can probably move with you.

*For people who have trouble with oral health: buy an electric toothbrush and keep it visible on your counter, and buy floss picks. My electric toothbrush goes for the full 2 minutes recommended by dentists, but it buzzes in 30 second increments so that I can brush the 4 quadrants of my mouth equally. Also, for some reason I find it easier to pick up a floss pick to use instead of a pack of floss, probably because it takes less time.

*For people who find it difficult to clean up small messes: buy a cordless vacuum and a mini broom and dustpan and keep them visible. A lot of mini dustpans have a hole in the handle so they can be hung up, and I have mine on a hook on the side of my fridge that I only use on my counters. If I'm making toast or something and I get crumbs all over the counter, I can clean them up immediately. And if I drop small things on the floor, I can pick it up and move it over and quickly vacuum up the tiny particles. (I'd also recommend microfiber slippers if you have hardwood floors, because it's an easy and quick way to clean up dirt with minimal effort.)

*For people who spend too long in the bathroom: keep a clock visible. I know they sell clocks specifically to hang in the shower, but I have one that is on a shelf close enough to my shower that I can just peek out and quickly check the time.

*For people who have difficulty cleaning the bathroom, especially showers and toilets: buy a daily shower cleaner and keep it in the shower, and a toilet bowl cleanser that clings to the side. If you spray the shower cleanser after every shower, it means less soap scum to clean up later and helps keep mildew at bay. If you keep it visible in the shower (out of the spray of water), it makes it easier to just use it after every one, and you don't have to wipe anything down. And a toilet bowl cleanser that clings to the side generally takes less than a minute to install, lasts for a while, and helps keep the toilet cleaner so that if you are able to do a more thorough cleaning, you have less to clean.

*For people who have difficulty throwing things away: keep multiple trashcans around. This one is said all the time, but it really does help me to put trash where it belongs. I have one in my kitchen, one in my bathroom, one under my vanity, and even a miniature one that I keep on my bedside dresser for small things like q-tips and tissues.

*For people who have trouble remembering their perishables in the fridge: Buy a magnetic dry-erase board, put it on your fridge, and write down the stuff that goes bad. You can also write down the sell-by or expiration date if it has one, or the date you purchased the items and when it needs to be used by, or even the shelf life of each item. When you've finished them, you can erase it. You can also do this for non-perishables items like snacks and dry goods and stick it to the cupboard or pantry so you know what you have in their and what items you've run out of as soon as you've finished them up. **You can keep lists of ANYTHING honestly. I store many things in containers, like cleaning products, OTC painkillers and other meds, and stock-ups of toiletries and hygiene products when I'm about to run out of them, and having a list of what's in these containers helps me to not buy back-ups of things I don't currently need (I used to forget I already had things like contact solution and toothpaste, so I would buy a back-up when I was almost out of the one I was currently using and come home to find that I already had like, 3 of them). You can just write them on a post-it or something and like, tape it to the side of the storage container. When it's gone, you can cross it off/erase it, and then put it on the shopping list immediately. I would also suggest, if you can afford to, re-buying the things you need RIGHT BEFORE you run out, like when you have a few uses left, so that you don't have to stop-and-restart them.

*For people who have trouble remembering what groceries they need: download a list app on your phone, and write what you've run out of or what you need to buy immediately, as soon as you think of it. I use the free version of AnyList on iPhone. You can create your own lists, and I have two lists: one for food (Grocery List), and one for everything else (Shopping List).

For people who spend too much time on their phone scrolling: download an app blocker app. I use the free version of Opal on iPhone, but I'm thinking about upgrading to the paid subscription. The free version only lets you block a certain amount of apps and websites, but I use it for tumblr and ao3, because I spend the most amount of time on them. You can set the times you want them blocked and on what days (which are limited on the free version), but if you WANT to access a blocked app, you can take a break from the block in up to 15 minute intervals.

*For people who forget to eat during the day: keep non-perishable items visible on the counter. I have a fruit bowl for things like apples, oranges, bananas, etc. You can also place healthy snacks like granola bars, nuts, etc., in a visible container; or even unhealthy snacks like chips or cookies in them; eating SOMETHING AT ALL is better than nothing.

*For people who have trouble remembering to drink water: buy a reusable water bottle and keep it near you at all times. It doesn't have to be a big one; you can use a small tumbler - water is water. If you can remember to do so, bring it with you whenever you leave a room. You can even buy multiple water bottles and keep them in multiple rooms if you can't remember to bring it with you - water doesn't go bad. If you prefer sparkling water in a can or bottle over regular water? Pour that in there too. It may go flat and loose its taste, but it is still drinkable. They even have apps you can download that send you reminders. I've even seen water bottles that light up to remind you, and even ones you can attach to the side of bottles that you already own. **It doesn't have to be reusable honestly, plastic water bottles work just as well (and don't require you to wash them, because I know some people have difficulty with), but I've found that keeping it in a container that I think is cute and/or keeps the drink cold (which I prefer over lukewarm) makes me more likely to drink it. **You can buy multiples of lots of stuff and keep them in different rooms, honestly. If you wear glasses and need to clean them often? Buy multiple glasses cleansers like microfiber towels or lens wipes and keep them in as many rooms as you need. Keep snacks in different rooms to remind yourself to eat. If you take pills, buy little containers and place them in different rooms. The world is your oyster.

***Of course there's the usual recommendations like cleaning as you go, setting a timer for like 10-15 minutes and doing what you can in that time frame, buying frozen fruits and veggies, etc., but these tips are repeated over and over, so I wanted to mention ones that I have found the most helpful personally.

****If you want recommendations of the exact ones I've bought, you can definitely reach out and ask, but honestly if you google each item and read the reviews it should work out the same.

I know so many people have made guides like these and may have already mentioned these tips, but you can honestly never have too much help when it comes to dealing with ADHD fuckery. If one of these ideas helps even one person, it would be worth the 30 minutes it took me to write out this post lmao.

[thedemonofcat]

Imagine, if you will, a modern w/o magic Witcher au where Geralt coparents Ciri with his ex Yennefer.

Little Ciri notices that a lot of adults have partners (most of the parents of her classmates do, and so does Yennefer). She asks Geralt why he doesn’t have a partner, and Geralt doesn’t really know how to respond. “Haven’t found the right person.”

“Who’s the right person?”

Fuck if Geralt knows. “Someone kind. Smart. Likes kids.”

“And pretty?”

“Sure.”

Thus, begins Ciri’s epic quest to find Geralt’s partner. This consists of tactics such as: interviewing strangers, asking her mom to find them (her mom is good at finding things), and wishing REALLY hard.

The amount of strangers Ciri has been talking to is giving Geralt an ulcer. And his ex tried to make him download a dating app.

Eventually, Ciri gets very upset that the universe has not provided her dad a partner. She will give the universe one last chance though. She will throw a coin in this fountain and wish REALLY hard.

Only, disaster! She drops her coin, and it rolls down a sewer grate. She can’t help but burst into tears.

Then, the man who was playing guitar by the fountain asks her what’s wrong. Ciri tells him that she wanted to make a wish in the fountain. The man nods his head in understanding and says she can have a coin from his guitar case in exchange for a dandelion bouquet.

She picks him dandelions and gets her coin. She makes her wish. The guitar man makes a crown from the dandelions and puts it atop his head. The guitar man tells her he hopes she gets her wish. He was smart to not ask her what it is. After all, wishes don’t come true if you say them out loud.

WAIT.

Ciri takes a closer look at the guitar man with his dandelion crown. “You’re pretty.”

“Oh, well, thank you!”

Geralt is out in the park with his family, and he realizes Ciri was not playing with Eskel’s kids like he thought. Fuck.

Thankfully, she’s nearby. Talking to another stranger. Geralt sighs deeply.

“Ciri.”

“Dad! I found him!”

“Who?”

Ciri points at the man she was talking to, some busker with a guitar, and says, “Your partner.”

This is a wonderful concept for a story. I highly encourage you to develop it further as I would definitely be interested in reading it.

[stephofromcabin12]

🤫

Ahem:

Dionysus hid in his own home during that time between HOO and TOA 5 like the dad in arrested development until Zeus spotted him out and about and sent him back.

Hera has a swear jar on Olympus. It’s most frequently brought out during game nights.

Hermes has the loudest, most obnoxious ring tones. Several because he has multiple phones.

Ares is directly responsible for reddit’s existence. He’s not aware of this. He’s also banned from 9897996 subreddits. He’s started double that amount.

Apollo’s main strategy of getting out of conversations with people is to pretend to text and go “uuuhhhhmm” *taptaptaptaptaptap* “weeeellll, hmmm, uuhhhhhhhh” *taptaptaptaptap* until they get angry and give up trying to talk to him.

You’re most likely to run into Hermes, Apollo and Artemis at a gym (Artemis is just there looking for potential hunters)

You might assume Ares would be there but he’s not. He’s casually dropping into arenas and hotels that athletes stay at while playing for tournaments. And sports bars. So many sports bars.

He used to go to the olympic village but he got too distracted by the games to even bother picking up potential mortal partners.

Apollo had a plant phase (“nymphs dig plants, right?”) didn’t last long.

Artemis attracts cats and does not understand why, considering she’s hanging out with wolves all the time.

Hecate likes to send her unclaimed kids those tarot “this was meant to find you” readings everywhere with specific hints that she’s connected to them, to see if they figure it out. She also will only communicate through scrying and magic rather than IM’s, and gets very offended when her children don’t pick up on it at all. Her version of “cause you’re always on that damn phone” is “You never use your intuition!!”

Hypnos has shown up in his kids’ dreams multiple times, in various forms. Hey, gotta take advantage of unseen ways of checking in on ‘em right. He’ll visit other’s children if he’s asked nicely and you catch him in the right mood. More gods have asked him to do this than they’d care to admit.

Dionysus can identify the year and grape of a wine just by hearing it poured.

Aphrodite is unapologetically on all dating apps, and is unafraid to message any of her kids she sees, as well as demigods in general, just to say hi. She’ll sometimes say something ominous as if she’s seen their interests and is making ~plans~ for their future in love. She knows they’re mortified, that’s why she does it.

I see trash canon Ares and raise you: Coach dad Ares. Your classic coach dad. He’s arguing with their actual football coaches, he’s grilling after a victory, he’s putting kids in headlocks and ruffling their hair. His leather jacket may or not crinkle due to the Werther’s originals he carries around. He does the reach around snack hand on the solstices during the presentations.

At those solstice meetings every year, the gods have a nymph secretary to whisper their kids’ names in their ear in case they forget.

Ares has had the same dog for 4000 years. Its unclear if its really the same dog he’s kept around or if he simply gets the same kind of dog every-time the last one dies and names it the same name. It’s called Thyella or “Ty” for short.

This is just like— headcanon but I like the idea of the gods not only being distant and emotionally unavailable bc they’re bad parents but also bc they’re just: extremely confused by humans. Especially modern humans. They can’t keep up. They’re perplexed at the speed at which their demigod kids pick up, and leave behind, things, phrases and trends. And they hate not knowing things, and even worse, not being considered cool by their kids (where’s the honor in that?). So they feign disinterest but the easiest way to piss them off is to make something up and go “oh you don’t know about that? Mom/Dad that’s ancient news!” When they ask what you’re talking about.

Similarly my favorite headcanon for them is that they’re deities, as in, they’re not human. They’re unquantifiable. They’re at times almost creature like? Like, they’re confusing and everchanging and Other. There’s something distinctly Not Human about them, even when they’re trying to come across as one. A mortal might find it alluring, a demigod will probably find it slightly disturbing, especially when they occasionally catch a glimpse of it in themselves.

Demigods, because of this, also come across as almost not human to others at times. There’s something off about them. Its not the ADHD, it’s not the way they never use technology. Its the way they nod sagely in class when discussing ancient myths, like they’ve met the gods themselves or quietly add “psh, yeah they wish” under their breath while watching a documentary.

Its in the way their eyes look purple if the sun hits them just right, before you blink and they go back to their usual blue.

Their reflexes that, despite being so clumsy, are freakishly good under pressure. The sheer strength they have when you know they’ve never set foot in a gym.

Its the way you remember that one time in the second grade when your buddy took a baseball to the face and still to this day you could’ve sworn there was the tiniest swirling of something shimmery reflecting in the blood dripping down over their fingers; microscopic golden specks reflecting in the fluorescent lights on the way to the nurse’s office. You never mentioned it at the time, much too caught up in the drama and excuse to leave P.E early. But you still look at them now, years later, stretching out in the sun like a plant; trying to absorb as much light as possible, scars that they never mention and never acknowledge crossing their abdomen and arms, and you wonder what that’s all about.

In the case of adults, mortals don’t necessarily know that they’re speaking to a god, but there’s something about them that just— feels off. Not bad, not always. Just something in the way they know things that doesn’t make sense. How they seem to appear out of nowhere, appearance always perfect without them even trying. They don’t sweat. They don’t blush. They never run out of things to say. They never lose their way. People seem to just bend around them, like the time the restaurant they took you to was closed early and after a short conversation, the chef reappeared to open the kitchen just for you. Or the time they scored tickets to that sold out concert, or wrestling match. It’s so odd looking back on that fling all those years ago and realising that you dont think they ever showered. Or shaved. Not that it showed on them but that’s still odd right? Or the time they chatted with someone on the phone in a language you didn’t recognize.

“What was that language?” An innocent question, this was before you thought to be suspicious of these things.

“Greek.” They answer, not meeting your eyes.

“I didn’t know your family is from Greece,” you reply, trying to think if they ever mentioned it.

“Oh, we go way back,” they say, changing the subject before you think to ask more questions.