BLIND EYE
A/N: i've had this idea stuck in my head for a while and im kinda satisfied with how it turned out! hope you guys will like it too!
WORD COUNT: 10k
WARNING: sexual content, lots of misscommunication, its an emotional rollercoaster
SUMMARY: Harry thought everything was going well in his marriage. Right until one day his wife left with no explanation and not he is stuck in the dark, waiting to find out how he can fight for what matters the most to him.
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“Will this bloody rain ever stop?” Harry grumbles under his nose as they finally reach the front door of the townhouse that’s covered from the pouring rain. His hands are buried deep in his jacket’s pockets as he impatiently waits for Mitch to open the door so they can finally escape the monsoon that’s been nonstop pouring for the past three days. Mitch chuckles softly as he turns the key in the lock.
“Aren’t you supposed to be used to the rain? You spent way too much time away from here.”
“Just because I’m British it doesn’t mean I have to like this shitty weather,” he scoffs, following his friend into the home Mitch and Sarah are renting for the upcoming weeks. Harry and the band are now located in London to record as much new material as possible before they need to get on the road again soon.
“If you say so,” Mitch huffs out a small laugh as he kicks his wet boots off his feet, Harry doing the same with his trainers.
“Sarah’s not home?” he questions, hanging his jacket up. Mitch grows cautious at his question, though he made sure his wife would be out by the time they get here. It’s not that Sarah is trying to avoid Harry. It’s impossible, since they work together, but she has made plans with someone who is actually actively working on not running into the singer.
“Uh, no. She is out with James,” he says, picking up a toy on his way to the living room, dropping it into the basket next to the couch. “I’ll put my phone on the charger, can you make us coffee? You know how the machine works, right?”
“Yeah, sure,” Harry nods and as Mitch heads upstairs to the bedroom, he walks into the kitchen, moving around like it’s his home.
For a bit, the espresso machine’s noise cancels out everything else, Harry stands by it, staring out into the pouring rain through the sliding door that leads out to the small, lush green backyard. The townhouse is well-kept, Mitch and Sarah have rented it out several times when they had to spend more than just a few days in London and Harry thinks it suits the little family perfectly.
Looking around in the kitchen he finds little reminders of the baby they welcomed not long ago, the bottles on the drying rack, the portable highchair they usually bring on tour as well and toys left scattered here and there. James has been a true blessing and Harry’s chest swells with pride every time he sees the little lad, knowing that he brought his parents together by recruiting them into the same band.
When the machine stops working, Harry hears muffled voices coming from upstairs. Voices, as in not just Mitch’s.
He grabs his black coffee and curiously walks over to the bottom of the stairs, only to hear Mitch talking to his wife somewhere upstairs. So Sarah is home.
“Mitch?” he calls out, taking a small sip of his coffee. He hears footsteps and his friend appears on the stairs a few moments later, rushing down to join him, but he looks tense this time. “What’s up? Did I hear Sarah?”
“Yeah, she had to come back for something, but she’ll be leaving any minute. Come on, let’s settle in the kitchen.” Mitch gently grabs Harry’s arm and pulls him away from the stairs, but he resists, yanking his hold off of himself.
“What’s happening? I can’t see Sarah?” He chuckles with a puzzled look.
“No, no, it’s just–”
And then he hears it.
Harry would recognize her voice from a million others, it’s burnt into his mind and memories, and though it’s been a source of happiness and joy for long years in his life, now it makes his stomach drop and his throat goes dry.
“She’s here?” Harry frantically asks his friend.
“H, don’t. She doesn’t–”
Harry doesn’t let him finish, he rushes up the stairs without a second thought, looking for her. The door of the master bedroom is open, Sarah is standing there with James in her arms and when she spots him, her eyes widen.
“Harry–”
“I want to see her,” he pleads, slowly approaching the drummer, who is now walking towards him. She places a hand to his chest to stop him and he comes to a halt, though he is constantly trying to look over her shoulder, hoping to get a glimpse of the person in the bedroom.
“It’s not a good idea.”
“Sarah, I haven’t seen her in a month. I need to… Please!” he begs as panic is spreading through his veins from the thought of missing the chance of stealing a glimpse of her. It’s been the longest he had to spend apart from her and given the circumstances of how they parted the last time they saw each other, he is desperate to win some time with her.
“But she doesn’t–”
“It’s fine,” comes a voice from the bedroom and a moment later she steps out into the hallway and Harry’s vision blurs out everything around her.
One month felt like an eternity. After being joined by the hips for years, Harry lost contact with the person who means the most to him: his wife.
Sarah looks back at her friend, who just nods to reassure her she can leave them alone, though she glances back one last time before going down the stairs and giving them some privacy.
Harry feels like it’s the first time he is seeing her all over again. She is still just as gorgeous as he remembers, wearing a simple pair of jeans with a red knitted sweater. She is barely wearing any makeup, so he notices the circles under her eyes and his heart breaks all over again. Has she been having trouble sleeping? Was she recently sick? Is she not taking care of her? He has so many questions, but he knows he can’t just spill it all on her.
“Hey,” he breathes out instead, taking a hesitant step towards her, though they are still several feet apart. He is fighting the urge to reach out and touch her, caress her cheek, pull her into his arms and kiss her…
“Hi. Sorry, we weren’t supposed to be here, but James was a little cold so we came back for an extra jacket for him,” she explains, nervously crossing her arms over her chest and Harry feels like it’s her way of keeping him away and locked out of her private space. It hurts, seeing her act so cold towards him and knowing that he can do absolutely nothing about it.
“Don’t apologize for running into me. I’m glad to see you,” he softly says, taking another step forward, but this time she backs one too, hinting that she wants him to stay right where he is.
Harry clenches his jaw and bites his tongue, knowing that commenting on her cold act would just worsen his situation and it’s bad enough already. He fists his hands, but then forces himself to loosen the grip, not wanting to look like a threat in any way.
“How… How are you?” he asks, ignoring the millions of questions he wants to ask her.
“I’m fine,” she nods, but her voice is flat, lacks the brightness he is used to and it concerns him. “How are you?” she asks, more likely only out of politeness.
“I’m good. Just… working, you know.”
“Yeah, the usual,” she nods with a weak smile.
There’s a few moments of awkward silence, something that never really happened between the two of them, not even when they were just getting to know each other back in the day.
“Alright, I’ll just go–” she moves to walk past Harry, but he stops her, placing a hand on her arm, the touch taking both of them by surprise.
“Wait, Y/N,” he pleads and her eyes look down at his hand on her. He moves it right away, hoping he didn’t overstep the boundaries that have been quite blurry lately. “I just… I don’t understand,” he admits, exhaling sharply.
“Harry…” she sighs. “I told you that I need ti–”
“Time, I get it. And I respect that. But I want to know what’s happening. You left me in the dark and I’m just…” he breathes out, so lost and desperate to find answers. “I want to know what’s happening. I can wait and give you time and space, but I need to at least know what I’m waiting for. What I can expect.”
She closes her eyes, a tortured frown plastered across her face as she bites into her bottom lip to stop her from crying. The past month has been tough for her as well, not just for Harry.
“I-I don’t… I don’t know what to say,” she shakes her head.
“Tell me a reason, Y/N. There has to be a reason behind this, right?” he demands, but she just shakes her head again.
“I can’t do this now. I’m sorry,” she blurts out before running past him and down the stairs. He immediately regrets for pushing her and though he goes after her, she is fast and out of the house before he could catch up with her and when he reaches the end of the stairs he is met with Sarah.
“Don’t go after her, okay?” she pleads with a gentle hand on his chest. Harry wants to ignore her and just chase after Y/N, but deep down he knows he should stay back.
“Sarah, I can’t fucking do this. She wouldn’t say a word to me,” he breaks down, his throat closing up from the wave of emotions that are washing over him.
“I know, but she needs time. She will come around, just be patient.”
“I would be patient if only I knew what I’m waiting for! Don’t you think I deserve to know why she suddenly wanted to be separated from me? She is my wife, Sarah.”
He is a mess, has been since one day he came home and found Y/N’s suitcase gone with some of her stuff, a note on the fridge.
“I need some time to think things through. I’m staying at my brother’s.”
That’s it, nothing more. When he frantically called her, she could barely get a few words out, just told him that she needs time and she wants to be separated for a while. She didn’t say why, she didn’t say how long and Harry could barely get him to accept it, but he wanted her back, so he knew he would have to do what she asked.
It’s been one month and Harry barely heard from Y/N. They exchanged a few occasional texts about technical things, but nothing more. Harry has been in the dark ever since and he is reaching the end of his limit.
“I know and I’m sorry,” Sarah softly says as she takes James from Mitch. “She’ll tell you when she’s ready.”
Harry’s eyes snap at her.
“So you know why she’s doing it?” he asks with wide eyes. Sarah opens her mouth and closes right away as she realizes how she just gave herself away. “Sarah, you need to tell me.”
“I can’t, I’m sorry.”
“Please, I’m begging you.”
“H, stop,” Mitch places a warning hand to his shoulder as Sarah takes her bag and heads towards the door.
“I’m so sorry, Harry,” she sighs before walking out.
Harry stares at the door for long moments, as if he was waiting for Y/N to come back, but it remains closed. When he turns around to face Mitch, he looks like just the shadow of his old self. He is not himself without his better half and that’s Y/N.
“It’s gonna be alright. You trust Y/N, right?” Mitch asks, as he gently ushers Harry back into the kitchen.
“With my whole life,” he answers without missing a beat.
“Then trust her now too.”
Harry can’t say a word to that. His mind is racing, memories with Y/N and anything that could possibly drive her away from him occupy his mind, but he can’t bring up anything. He thought things were going great, they even talked about trying for a baby soon. She took a 180 out of nowhere and she is like an enigma now, when Harry thought he knew his wife better than anyone.
He keeps telling himself that he needs to keep his faith and believe that she’ll come back. But at times when she can barely speak a few words with him he can’t help but think that his marriage is falling apart right in front of his eyes and he can’t do a single thing about it.
The days pass by painfully slowly and Harry finds himself sitting on an emotional rollercoaster. Some days he can barely keep himself from calling her or showing up at her brother’s place to talk to her. Some days he fully accepts that he needs to wait it out and she’ll return to him eventually. And the day between the two might be the worse, when he can’t decide how he is feeling or what he wants to do.
He only hears about her from Mitch and Sarah, though they only throw crumbles of information about her. Harry hates that they are so good friends to her as well, because now it’s not in his favor. Though Sarah keeps it from him most of the time when she goes to see Y/N, Harry is not stupid. He knows they meet up regularly and he’s never been more jealous of anyone.
Harry plans out a birthday dinner for Anne and sends the details to Y/N as well. After all, she is still his wife and he knows how close Y/N and Anne are. His mother would have been disappointed if he didn’t even invite her.
He doesn’t get an answer though. Harry is tempted to ask her whether he should be expecting her on the morning of the dinner, but he talks himself down at last.
He invited all of his mother’s friends, his bandmates and anyone that matters in his mother’s life. It’s a bit of a surprise, because Gemma brings her to the restaurant, but she doesn’t know who’s gonna be there, so when she sees all the guests she is shocked and touched.
“Thank you so much!” she hugs Harry, tight and warm before kissing him on the cheek.
“Of course, mum,” he hums with a small smile.
He catches her looking around, as if she was searching for someone and his stomach drops when he realizes that she is probably looking for Y/N. She doesn’t comment on the lack of her presence when she doesn’t see her, but Harry can see the disappointment in her eyes.
Anne is still making her rounds of greeting everyone when Harry goes to the bar and checks up on the first round of drinks. The bartender is already finishing up the last few cocktails when Harry sees a familiar figure walking into the restaurant and his stomach drops before he even looks at her.
Y/N looks around hesitantly before she spots the group in the back, only after that does she see Harry standing by the bar and she stops in her tracks.
Harry is frozen, he wasn’t expecting her to come, not after she left him on read, but here she is, wrapped in her fuzzy coat and a black dress underneath. She shoots him a tight-lipped smile before approaching Anne who jumps into her arms when she sees her. He watches his mum hug his wife and a few months ago, this would be a lovely scene, but now it just pains him, knowing he doesn’t have the privilege to do the same.
He can’t hear what they talk about and he fights the urge to lurk closer as he returns to the table and takes his seat next to his sister.
“You’re not gonna make a scene, right?” Gemma leans over to him.
“Why would I?”
“I don’t know, you’re staring at her like a maniac.”
“Oh, piss off!” he rolls his eyes at his sister. “I haven’t seen her in weeks, of course I’m gonna stare,” he mumbles, just when the waiter places his cocktail in front of him. He grabs the drink in an instant and chugs down half of it at once. “I’m watching my own wife like a stalker. Pathetic,” he whispers, more to himself than to Gemma, but she catches his words clearly. Reaching over he gives his hand a squeeze.
“It’s gonna be alright.”
“Are you a traitor too and you know why she is doing it?” Harry scoffs.
“She didn’t tell me. But I know you both and I know that she loves you,” Gemma says.
“So then what do you think is happening? If she loves me, why can’t she tell me—“ Harry cuts him off when he realizes that he is talking a bit too loud. He clears his throat, making it sure no one was listening, but everyone seems too busy to pay attention to the siblings. “She is not talking to me, so I must have done something, but if she doesn’t tell me, I can’t make it right,” he continues, keeping his voice down.
“Maybe… you can’t make it right.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” he frowns. “If I did something so terrible, I would know about that, don’t you think?”
“Then maybe it’s not something you did,” she shrugs. “She asked for time, just give her that.”
“I’m fucking done with everyone telling me the same thing,” he growls and stands from the table and steps out to the back area that’s reserved for smoking, feeling several stares on his back as he exits.
He knows he shouldn’t have left like that, but he was losing his temper and he truly didn’t want to cause a scene, not on his mother’s birthday. If he smoked, he would be lighting a cigarette vigorously right now, but he is just staring up at the dark sky as he is waiting for his anger to die down. He hears the door open close and when he looks behind him, he sees Anne approaching him.
“Hey baby, everything alright?” she asks and as she reaches him she brushes a few curls out of his forehead.
“M’sorry, just needed some air.”
Anne nods, knowing well what he meant by that. She hates to see him like this, so broken and lost, but she can’t help him this time. Not in this fight.
“I think it’s a first step that she came. She knew you’d be here, but she still came. Why don’t you come back and show her that you appreciate her presence. That you’re happy she’s here.”
“I am happy that she’s here, but it’s still hard to be around her,” he exhales tiredly.
“I know, baby,” she nods. “But you have to be strong. I know you can do it. She needs you.”
“Does she? She is shutting me out, mum,” he scoffs.
“She needs you to support her by giving her time and space. I know it’s hard to do it, but she told you what she needs.”
Harry sighs and nods.
“Let’s go back,” he mumbles. Anne smiles up at him and kisses his cheek before the two of them return to the table.
Harry tries his best not to stare at Y/N for the rest of the dinner. She sits on the opposite end of the long table between two of his cousins. She seems less bubbly and lively than usual, but that’s all Harry can notice from the handful of stolen glances he allows himself throughout the evening. He’s heard the same thing so many times from different people that he just needs to give her what she asked for, but hearing it from his mother it finally sinks in. His patience that’s been shortening with every day spent apart suddenly becomes never ending and he realizes he’ll just have to wait for as long as she needs him to.
When the guests are starting to leave one by one, Harry can��t help but keep an eye on Y/N. When he sees her getting ready to leave he decides it’s time to get moving as well. He approaches her, making sure he doesn’t get too close so he is not scaring her away.
“Hey,” he softly says and she looks up with doe eyes.
“Hi,” she breathes out as she grabs her coat from the rack behind her.
“Let me help,” he offers and she hesitates before letting him take the coat and help it onto her.
“Thanks. And… for inviting me as well. I’m sorry I didn’t answer, I just—“
“You don’t have to explain yourself. I’m just glad you came. My mum too,” he adds with a tiny chuckle. “Are you heading home?”
“Yeah, I have to be up early tomorrow. It’s great that I can just walk home from here.”
Harry chews on his bottom lip, trying to decide whether to ask her what he’s been planning all evening and at last he just shoots his shot.
“Can I walk you home?”
Her lips part as she stares back at him and Harry knows she is about to reject him, but he speaks up first.
“We don’t have to talk. Just let me make sure you get home safe. Please, Y/N. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
She clenches her jaw and stares back at him for what feels like forever and Harry is already bracing himself to get rejected, but then she nods.
“Okay. But I really don’t want to talk.”
“No talking. Not even a word,” he agrees eagerly, feeling like on top of the world. “Let me just pay the bill.”
He practically runs to settle the check, paying for everyone’s dinner and drinks. He keeps looking back to check if she’s still there and hasn’t left without him. She’s talking to Gemma, patiently waiting for him.
He grabs his coat too and then returns to her as fast as possible.
“It was nice seeing you, Gem,” she smiles. Gemma’s eyes move from her to Harry, a curious, questioning look, but she doesn’t comment on why Y/N’s leaving with him.
“You too. Take care,” Gemma smiles before returning to the remaining few guests.
They say goodbye to Anne as well, Harry tells his mum to stay for as long as she wants with her girlfriends, he paid for a few more drinks in advance. She thanks him everything and Harry doesn’t miss the smile on her lips when she sees him leave with Y/N.
It’s tempting to break his promise, but Harry keeps his mouth shut as they walk next to each other. Y/N’s brother’s apartment is just a few blocks away from the restaurant. It could have been a mere coincidence, but Harry would be lying if he said he didn’t think about how she might be more likely to come if she didn’t have to travel too far.
He is nervously fidgeting in his pockets as they are walking in silence. The walk is about fifteen minutes and he feels like a clock is ticking above his head, counting down the time he gets to spend physically close to her. When he spots the building that’s their destination, he is trying his best to push down his panic at the thought of not seeing her again for weeks. They’re almost there when he breaks his promise.
“You looked beautiful tonight, by the way.”
He awaits his punishment for speaking, expecting her to tell him off or just speed walk into the building, but her actual reaction is a total shocker.
She laughs, shaking her head.
“I knew you wouldn’t make it,” she sighs, but doesn’t sound upset.
“You know me too well,” he chuckles, but his heart drops when he realizes that they arrived. Taking a deep breath he just continues to talk. “I’m sorry for the scene last time. I was just not expecting to see you and I panicked.”
“It’s okay. I didn’t handle it too well either, so… I’m sorry too.”
Harry waits a few seconds, hoping that she might tell him more, but he is out of luck again. Tonight won’t be the one where she finally explains it all to him and he needs to accept it.
“I’ll give you the time and space you asked for under one condition,” he says. She inhales shakily.
“What’s the condition?”
“Promise me you’ll talk to me when you’re ready. I need to know that I will get my answers. It doesn’t matter when, whenever you want to.”
She curls her lips into her mouth as she looks to the side, folding her arms on her chest. When she looks back at him he holds his breath until she finally speaks up.
“I promise.”
Harry feels like he is breathing for the first time ever since she left. It’s a short relief, but he will probably think about this feeling for the next week.
“Okay,” he breathes out. “I’ll be waiting, Y/N. For as long as you need me to.” Chewing on her bottom lip she just nods. “Alright, I’ll go now. Thank you again, for coming tonight.”
“Bye, Harry,” she quietly says, walking up the stairs to the door.
“Bye, Y/N.”
Trouble in paradise?
Harry Styles tied the knot with Y/N Y/L/N just a little over a year ago. The couple had been going strong for five years when the singer popped the question and the intimate wedding was held exactly a year later. They’ve been praised as everyone’s favorite celebrity it couple, but their marriage might not be as strong as it appears from the outside.
A source close to Styles said the ex 1D member and his wife have been separated since the end of august, but there’s no talk of divorce yet. It’s unknown why the lovers decided to spend time apart, but fans have noticed that Y/N hasn’t been spotted anywhere near the singer lately. The couple is known to keep their private life hidden from the public, but they’d been spotted strolling around, running errands every once in a while. However, the last time they were seen together was back in July on their trip to LA.
While there hasn’t been any confirmation about the alleged separation, speculations have been thriving about the possible reasons behind the issues. Some even go as far as accusing either the singer or Y/N with cheating.
Thunderclouds are gathering over London when Harry is heading home from the studio. It’s been a long day, but they got a lot done and they might be able to finish with recording earlier than they planned so everyone can have some time off.
As he walks into the empty house he gets rid of his mask and kicks his trainers off, padding his way into the kitchen to get a plate for his dinner he picked up on his way home. He used to eat at the kitchen counter, because Y/N liked to bake or cook so she spent a lot of time in the modern kitchen that was formed entirely to her taste. He loved sitting on a stool and watch her work, they talked about their day and then Harry asked to help, but eventually, she would just tell him to leave, because he could never keep his hands away from her.
Now the kitchen reminds him of her way too much so he avoids spending time there. He pours the pasta to a plate, grabs himself a fork and takes his dinner to the living room, hoping to find something to watch on TV so the house is not entirely silent. He has barely dug into the food when his phone starts ringing on the coffee table. For a second he thinks about ignoring it, but then he catches a glimpse of the caller ID.
Y/N’s smiling picture is displayed on the screen and he barely drops the plate as he snatches the phone and answers the call.
“Y/N, hi!” he breathes out, his heart hammering in his chest. There’s a sniffle on the other end of the call and he switches into alerted mode in an instant. “Y/N? What’s wrong?”
“Harry, can you… Can you please come over?”
He is already up from the couch, the pasta abandoned on the coffee table as he’s running to get his keys and put his shoes back on.
“What happened, talk to me! I’m on my way, just talk to me, alright?”
“Mason is out of town a-and I’m alone and the lights went out,” she explains and Harry doesn’t even need more. He knows she hates the dark and scared to even touch the electrical fuse, she always fears she would get electrocuted. The power used to go out all the time in their previous home and it was always Harry who had to check the fuse while she stood behind him, scared as if he was dealing with a bomb.
“Okay, do you have candles? A torch?” he asks, jumping on one leg as he pulls his trainers back on.
“J-Just my phone.” A thunder is heard from the other end of the call and she exhales shakily.
“Alright, put me on speaker, turn on the light on your phone and sit down on the couch by the window. The lights are on outside on the street?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, then it’s not entirely dark. Great, just hold on and I’ll be there soon.”
They stay in call while Harry jumps into his car and speeds over to her brother’s place that’s your temporary home now. Halfway there the sky opens and rain starts pouring down. Arriving at Mason’s place he jumps out of the car and soaks to the bone in an instant as he runs up to the front door. Y/N opens the door right away and lets him into the dark house.
“I’m sorry f-for calling you, I just didn’t know—“ she starts apologizing immediately, but he just shakes his head, ridding himself of the wet jacket.
“Y/N, it’s okay. I’m glad you called me,” he smiles softly, even though she probably can’t see it in the dark. When he’s kicked his shoes off he runs a hand through his wet curls before turning on the light on his own phone. “Alright, where’s the fuse box?”
“Here, let me show you,” she says and holding her own phone she leads him to a little nook underneath the stairs. It holds a few brooms and cardboard boxes and the fuse box is on the wall across from the door. “Please be careful,” she says as Harry leans closer to take a look at it, holding his light next to his face.
She watches him fumble with the switches, turning back on several ones before the lights finally come back on in the house, relief washing over Y/N.
“There. It’s all good now.” Harry closes the door of the nook and turns off the light on his phone before facing Y/N again. Now he has the chance to look at her, she’s wearing a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt that was once his, but she stole it from him a long time ago. It makes his heart flutter, knowing that she is still wearing his clothes.
“Thank you,” she breathes out relieved, but then her expression changes. “I’m sorry, I feel so helpless,” she says with a wobbling bottom lip and Harry acts without even thinking.
Stepping closer he takes her face in his hands as he shakes his head at her words.
“You’re not helpless, Y/N. A lot of people are scared of electricity, it’s a dangerous thing.”
“It’s not just about the fuse box,” she whimpers, tears rolling down her face, but he wipes them off right away. “I-I don’t… I hate it…”
“Come on, let’s sit down. It’s okay.”
He pulls her into the living room and they settle on the couch, Harry has wrapped his arms around her and she’s buried her face in his chest. He feels selfish because part of him is enjoying holding her like this, it’s the most physical touch they’ve had in a long time, but then he remembers how shaken up she is and his joy quickly gets pushed into the back of his head.
“It’s okay, baby. Just take a deep breath,” he gently soothes her, running his hand up and down her back and arm until her breathing slows down and she is not fisting his shirt anymore. “Tell me, what got you so upset, hm?”
She remains silent and Harry patiently waits for her to speak up.
“Do you think I’m helpless on my own?” she asks in a weak, quiet voice without lifting her head up from his chest.
“Of course not. Why would you think that of yourself?”
“Because… I can’t even switch the lights back on by myself and I’m an adult.”
“That doesn’t make you helpless. Everyone has things like this, I promise.”
“What’s yours?” she asks, finally lifting her head and looking him in the eyes. Harry hums as he thinks about what he should bring up.
“I don’t use matches, because I’m always afraid the fire might get to my fingers too fast and burn me.”
“Really? You never told that to me,” she says with raised eyebrows and he just shrugs his shoulders.
“Because it’s not that important. Like I said, everyone has fears like this, it’s okay.”
He dares to brush her hair behind her ear and run his fingertips down the side of her face. He can’t believe there was a time when he took these tiny touches for granted, when he could touch her whenever he wanted to without overanalyzing what could go wrong.
She looks him in the eyes and holds his gaze for long moments. Harry is continuously expecting her to move away, to take the privilege of holding her away, but it never comes. He feels like he is the closest to her he has been since she left.
Placing a hand to his thigh she pushes herself up, her nose almost brushing against his and he stops breathing for a moment, thinking it was just coincidence. She’s still looking at him, one hand on his chest, the other one on his thigh while his arms are circled around her frame.
And then she kisses him.
They freeze for a second, both of them caught by surprise by the action, but then time keeps moving and Harry doesn’t waste a second of it as he opens up his lips and kisses her back fiercely, as if he was trying to make up for every missed kiss from the past months.
She moves up, never breaking the kiss, devouring her husband after the starving. She moves around until she is finally straddling his lap and he loses his control, his hands finding her ass, grabbing it hard and making her grind against him. She moans into his mouth and he swears he could come just by the sounds she is making. Her heavy breathing, the soft whimpers, he missed her so much, it’s a miracle he could hold out for this long without her.
He can feel how needy she is, how much she is seeking relief, but his conscious is still there in the back of his mind, telling him to be careful and he knows that if they had sex now, that might trigger her and she would end up pushing him away even more. They can’t take this step until there are so many unsaid things between them, but he wants to please her still.
Holding onto her hips he guides her until her core is pressed against his thigh and he urges her to grind against it.
She moans loudly at the sensation, her head falling back and he takes the opportunity to kiss down the column of her neck, tasting her like she is his last meal. She starts moving on her own and Harry lets her use him however she pleases, all he wants is to satisfy her. His hard cock is bulging in his pants, but he is ignoring his own desires, this moment is about her.
“Feels good, baby? Hmm?” he murmurs into her ear as she keeps grinding against his thigh.
“Yes,” she answers breathlessly, curling her arms around his neck, pressing herself against him tight.
“Use me, I’m all yours,” he growls, feeling satisfied already just by watching her.
The time spent apart seems to have one perk, Y/N’s orgasm comes fast and hard after months of drought, she comes gasping for air, clawing at Harry’s chest and shoulder, her face pressed against his, lips mushed together as he steals a few more sloppy kisses.
There’s a few minutes of bliss, she’s like jelly in his arms, his heart slowly getting back into its normal rhythm. He prays to stay in this moment for as long as possible, it’s the most he has gotten with his wife in months and he doesn’t want it to end.
But the cloud of passion slowly clears out of her head and she realizes what just happened. He can almost see the switch in her as she pushes away from him and climbs off of his lap, moving to the far end of the couch.
“Y/N, don’t shut me—“
“You should leave,” she cuts him off dryly, staring ahead of her.
“Let’s just talk, I can’t—“
“Harry, leave!” she raises her voice, jumping up from the couch, rubbing her face with her hands. “I need to be alone.”
“Don’t shut me out, Y/N. It’s not the end of the world, we’re okay, let’s just talk, please!”
“No,” she shakes her head vigorously. “I-I need to be alone. That’s what I want, I need to figure it out,” she says, but it sounds like she was talking to herself rather than to Harry.
“Figure what out? Just talk to me!” Harry begs her, standing up from the couch, but as soon as he takes a step towards her, she backs away, keeping the distance between them.
“Not now, please not now!” she whispers, a tortured frown on her face.
“If not now, when? I’m trying to be patient, but we just jumped at each other five minutes ago and now you can’t even look at me! I really am trying, but fuck!” he growls, running his hand through his hair that’s got messed up by her finger in the heated moments. “Y/N, we’re married! And you wouldn’t even talk to me anymore! How long are we going to do this?”
“I don’t know,” she whispers, shutting her eyes tight.
Harry takes a few deep breaths, calming himself down and regaining composure before he speaks up again, this time with a lot more control over his voice.
“I’ll go now. But I want answers soon, Y/N. Do you understand me?” She nods.
Harry sigh, rubbing his chin as he walks out of the living room to put his shoes on and leave while Y/N keeps standing in the exact same spot. When he’s got his trainers and jacket on again, he is almost out of the house when he turns back.
“We’re married, I vowed to fight with you. But I can’t do that if I don’t know what I’m supposed to be fighting. I still love you and I would do anything for you, Y/N. Let me be your partner or… Or have the guts to leave me. If you want to divorce just say it. Anything is better than being in the dark.”
And with that, he walks out into the storm, leaving Y/N alone, just like she wanted.
It’s no surprise that Harry doesn’t sleep that night. He doesn’t even go near the bedroom, because he knows it would make him lose his mind. Sleeping there on his own has been hard enough these past months, but after last night… he knew he couldn’t take it.
He paces the floor, fills up dozens of pages in his diary vigorously, leaving notes he can’t even make sense out of minutes later. He turns into a hot mess and when he thinks about the last things he told her, he almost throws up.
Divorce.
He’s been ignoring this word like crazy since Y/N has left, because he simply couldn’t accept it was an option for them. She was and still is the love of his life, there was no chance for him to let them end up with ending their marriage.
But the way she’s been pushing him away actively probably broke something in him after having her so close and then losing her just seconds later. The words left his mouth before he even thought them through and he regretted them the moment he stepped out into the rain. Almost turned around to go back and beg her to forget what he said, but he just left.
By the time the sun comes up Harry feels like he has lost all of his sanity and he knows the only thing that would bring him even just the tiniest bit of peace is if he tells her that he will fight for their marriage and won’t just accept defeat that easily.
It’s barely past seven in the morning when he is throwing on a hoodie he found on the floor of the bedroom and he’s frantically looking for his keys that he angrily threw somewhere upon arriving last night, but his search is interrupted by hearing the front door unlocking. He sprints out into the hallway and almost trips in his own feet when he sees that Y/N just walked in with her own keys.
“Uh, I’m sorry, I thought about ringing the bell, but… it felt weird,” she explains, holding up her keys that still has that pink, fluffy keychain Harry bought her years ago.
“No, of course. It’s your home too,” he nods, still taken aback by her presence. “What—Uh, what can I… Are you…”
“I came to talk,” she says, dropping the keys to the side table and then nervously fidgeting with the sleeves of her jumper.
“Great! Amazing, I was… I was actually about to go over to you as well. Come on in, let’s… I’ll make us tea,” he stutters, heading into the kitchen with Y/N following right behind.
He puts on the kettle and she looks around before settling on one of the stools, watching him move around, grabbing her favorite mug and the kind of tea she loves the most.
“Thank you,” she murmurs, when he hands her the warm drink and takes the stool next to hers. Harry decides to just blurt out everything he’s been piling up since the last time they met, starting off with what he said before leaving.
“I don’t want to get a divorce, Y/N. I’m sorry for what I said, I was just… mad and couldn’t think straight. I hope you don’t want it either, whatever we are going through, I hope we can work on it first before we call it quits.”
He is talking fast and he’s nervously fidgeting with his nails and she sees that they are completely bare. Reaching out she takes one of his hands and takes a better look at them.
“Your nails are not painted,” she observes.
“Because you’re the one who paints them. I don’t want anyone else to do it for me,” he softly says and she seems stunned by his words. Letting go of his hand she clears her throat and drops her own hands into her lap, staring down at them.
“I don’t want to get a divorce,” she then says and Harry feels like he can finally breathe for the first time in months. “But… I need changes.”
“Okay, what kind of changes?” he asks, ready to hear her out and do anything just to have her back. She exhales shakily and he can tell how heavy whatever it is that’s weighing down on her.
“I don’t… I don’t know,” she admits, her eyes tearing up.
“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, we can figure it all out.” He slips off his stool and stepping closer he takes her face in his hands, his touch gentle and soft. “Tell me what you know.”
She nods, wetting her lips before taking a deep breath and speaking up again.
“I realized that… I don’t know who I am.” She is talking slow, thinking her words over carefully. “I’ve been Harry Styles’ girlfriend and then wife for so long, I slowly… started to lose myself.”
Sniffing she rubs her eyes before continuing.
“I have been struggling with this for a while, but I couldn’t figure out what exactly this feeling was, I just knew that something was off. We were on the move all the time, traveling the world and don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for everything I got to experience with you. But… It’s all I’ve been doing and… I had plans.”
“Plans?” Harry asks.
“Like, before we met, I wanted to go to college. I wanted to learn and get a degree, but then I met you and we became serious so fast that I felt like I had to follow you to make it work. And… I got stuck in it and put everything else on hold. Now it’s been over seven years and I’ll be thirty soon and didn’t do anything that I wanted before. But then I thought about it… and I realized that I’m not even sure I want them anymore.”
Harry can feel a whirlwind of emotions raging inside him, listening to her, but he keeps his mouth shut and lets her tell everything at once before he speaks.
“I started to question everything. I had to realize that I have no idea what I want, I’ve been just going with the flow for years and I couldn’t even tell anymore who I was. I was the mysterious girl Harry Styles was dating and then I was known as your girlfriend and then your wife… I wasn’t my own person. I was always just Harry Styles’ someone.”
She takes a deep breath, wiping away a tear that escaped her eye before she carries on.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love being with you, I love you, more than anything. But I started to feel like I was just a… carry-on luggage, someone added to you and not an individual above all. Then you brought up trying for a baby and I think it triggered me. I was afraid that I would just become the mother of your child and lose the last pieces of myself, so I did the first thing that came to my mind. I ran.”
She looks up at him and sees how broken he is over her words, finally hearing what you’ve been struggling with all this time.
“Why didn’t you tell me, Y/N? Why didn’t you talk to me about all of these?” he asks in a whisper.
“Because I felt ashamed,” she sighs. “I’m living this amazing life, I travel the world with you, anyone would be lucky to live a life like ours and I’m here…” Her voice dies down and a sob escapes her lips. Harry moves out of instinct, cradling her in his arms as she buries her face into his chest. “I’m here whining about it. I hate myself for this,” she cries into his hoodie.
“It’s okay, baby,” he murmurs softly, holding her tight in his embrace.
“I’m so sorry, Harry. I don’t know what’s happening to me,” she sobs uncontrollably, fisting his hoodie, holding onto him for dear life.
“I know. It’s alright. Come on, let’s lie down, I bet you didn’t sleep much either, hm? Let’s just get you to bed, you’re barely holding yourself up.”
He softly helps her off the stool and the two of them head up to the bedroom he avoided all night long, but returning with her in his arms feels more right than anything ever before. He sits her to the edge of the mattress and then helps her get comfortable before walking around the bed and taking his usual side. She moves over to him in an instant, her whole body gravitating towards his warmth and he welcomes her in his embrace again gladly, holding her wrapped tight in his arms, right where he thinks she belongs.
“Do you think I’m crazy?” she croaks out, her head lying on his chest that’s rising and falling in a soothing rhythm.
“No. Not at all. I just wish you talked to me instead of fleeing.”
“I thought I had to think things through away from you,” she admits.
“Why? Are you scared to talk to me?” Harry asks, his heart breaking at the thought of his own wife not trusting him enough to tell him what’s been bothering her.
“I’m not scared. I just… I honestly don’t know. I was afraid I would just talk myself out of it and dig myself deeper into this hole… I was afraid that I would want to please you so badly, I would agree to anything.”
“Like having a baby,” Harry adds, mostly disappointed in himself that he didn’t notice a thing of what was happening right in front of his nose.
He should have thought about her, she’s been bending her own life around his since the very beginning, always the one to work her schedule to fit his and he never even questioned it. He’s been a selfish bastard. He remembers her telling him about wanting to go to college when they first met, but then she didn’t mention it again and he just assumed she changed her mind. He assumed way too many things. That traveling around the world is all she wanted, that she was fine with the way she’s been perceived by the public, that she was fine with living the life he chose but she was just pushed into. So many things that he just turned a blind eye to, only because he loved having her with him all the time.
He feels like he failed as a husband, a partner, a lover.
“I do want to have a baby with you, Harry,” she speaks up, pulling him out of his self-deprecating thoughts. “But I don’t think I could be a good mother when I’m so lost about myself.” Her words turn into another sob as she starts crying again and Harry tightens his hold around her.
“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out. You need to rest, we can talk more when you wake up,” he breathes out, placing a soft kiss to the crown of her head. She doesn’t protest or tries to talk more, and only minutes later Harry notices her body relaxing, her breathing evening.
She fell asleep.
Though Harry could use some sleep himself too, he can’t get his eyes to even close. He lies awake for god knows how long until he carefully gets out of bed, tucks her in and heads downstairs to let Y/N get some rest while he is raking his mind for an excuse why he let all of this happen knowing well he won’t find any.
He has never felt more ashamed in his life and it’s been like several slaps across his face, listening to everything Y/N just shared with him. He let his wife suffer alone and didn’t notice a thing for so long, while he happily lived his rockstar life and dragged her along without second guessing.
Hours pass by and she is still asleep when Harry decides to call Sarah. He sits by the kitchen counter, leaning onto the countertop as he holds the phone to his ear with a permanent frown on his face.
“Hey, what’s up?” she answers the phone and he immediately hears James’ playful babbling in the background.
“So you have a minute to talk?” he asks, not wanting to interrupt on precious family time.
“Of course, give me a sec.” She tells something to probably Mitch before moving to a different room where she can talk comfortably. “Alright, I’m listening.”
“I fucked up, Sarah, and I didn’t even notice a thing.”
Sarah stays silent on the other end of the call before speaking up.
“She told you.”
“Yeah. We had… Some things happened last night and in the heat of the moment I told her to have the guts to tell me if she wants a divorce. I didn’t mean it, so I was getting ready to go over and talk to her in the morning when she showed up here and told me everything. Now I feel like the biggest idiot in the world and I have no idea how to make it right.”
“Do you want my honest advice and opinion?”
“Of course.”
“Okay. Don’t make it about yourself. Yes, you made mistakes, she did too by not speaking up, but this is about her. What you just said, I only heard you talk about yourself. Focus on how you can help her finding herself and getting comfortable in her own life again instead of putting yourself into the spotlight.”
And just like that, it’s another slap across his face again. He knows Sarah is right and that she just gave him a pill that’s probably the hardest to swallow. He can’t turn this on him, he needs to put all his energy into helping Y/N find her peace again.
“You’re right,” he whispers, closing his eyes.
“I know it’s hard. She is going through a crisis where she is questioning all of her decisions, even the ones she made about you. But it’s normal and you’ll just have to support her through it, let her figure it all out without bringing yourself into the equation. You’ve been the center of her life for almost a decade, you have to accept that might change a little, but that doesn’t mean she won’t love or need you anymore.”
“Fuck, Sarah, when did you become a therapist?” he chuckles sadly, her words weighing on his chest heavily. “Did you go through something like this too?”
“Kind of. It’s hard to keep in touch with yourself when so much is happening around you. I had my own doubts about Mitch and our life too, but here I am, happily married with a baby. You’ll get through it too, you love each other and that’s all that matters.”
“Thank you, Sarah.”
They talk a little more before her mom duties call her. Harry takes some time to reflect on everything he’s learned and tries his best to get himself into the right mindset to start this long process he is facing.
When Y/N wakes up he is right next to her, sitting against the headboard, scrolling on his phone. When he sees her sleepy face, he puts the phone aside and lies down on his side to face her.
“You didn’t sleep?” she asks groggily, rubbing her eyes.
“No. I had a lot to think about.”
She opens her mouth, but then closes, scooting closer to him.
“I’m so sorry, H. I didn’t react the right way and should have talked to you instead of running away.”
“Don’t apologize. We… we both made mistakes. We should talk about how we could move forward, yeah?”
She nods.
“First of all… Do you think you’re ready to come home? I really… I miss you, Y/N.”
“I miss you too and I want to come home. I thought I would be able to think clearer if I’m away from you, but it’s been hell.”
“Alright,” he nods relieved. “We can get your stuff today and move it all back.”
“That would be amazing,” she smiles weakly.
“I talked to Jeff while you were asleep. I can’t cancel the upcoming tour, but we talked about a longer break afterwards.”
“How long?”
“However much time we need, baby.”
“I don’t want to keep you away from your career.”
“You are my priority, Y/N. You spend years of your life dedicated to me. If I have to take time off from my career to make sure you’re okay… I won’t hesitate for a moment.”
“B-But I still don’t know what I should do…”
“It’s okay. We will figure it out and then I’ll make sure we can do whatever we have to do.”
She is touched by the way Harry is treating her. She was afraid she did irreversible damage to their relationship by leaving, but here he is, being so patient and accepting with her even after she shut him out so violently.
Moving closer she kisses him to show her gratitude, they wrap around each other, feeling contented that they are finally reunited. It’s all they both have been yearning for and this is where they belong.
“I love you,” she whispers against his lips.
“I love you too,” he hums back. “I want to make you happy Y/N. That’s all I want, let me make you happy.”
“I’m happy when I’m with you. I just need to be happy with myself too.”
“Let me help you with that. You’re my everything, baby. Let me take care of you the way you always take care of me. I will always love you and nothing can change that.”
She just quietly nods, swallowing back a few of her tears before pressing her lips against his again and again and again, making up for all the time they lost.
Harry Styles is making a comeback!
The thirty years old singer is finally back in the business after spending two years away from the spotlight. When Styles announced his break from work in 2022 fans were terrified it’s going to be another never ending hiatus that ended One Direction back in the days. The singer wrote a heartfelt note to his dedicated fans that was posted on his Instagram, which has been silent ever since, talking about taking time to focus on his private life, family and friends. The announcement came right after he finished touring his third studio album and rumors were spreading about his marriage before he hit the road, talking about alleged cheating and a possible divorce from his longtime lover, Y/N Y/L/N.
However, the couple debunked those theories when Y/L/N was caught joining Styles on the first part of his tour. A source close to them confirmed that she returned to London earlier than her husband to enroll into King’s College London and start her bachelor studies.
The couple was caught several times during the singer’s hiatus strolling around London alone or with friends, seemingly making the best out of their time off duty. Styles has not made any official appearances since his last show and word has been traveling around the internet that even when he comes back, he will be slowing things down, making more time for his family.
At midnight last Monday a countdown showed up on his official website, followed by his first ever post on his Instagram since his break. It has not been confirmed, whether it’ll be a new album or just a single, but it’s been enough for fans to wake up from hibernation and pull out their colorful boas from their closet. The countdown is expected to hit zero at four pm on Friday. Stay tuned to find out more about the latest news about Britain’s number one man!
Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!
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you'll be alright (no one can hurt you now) chapter three
✰ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Lucy Chen & Tamara Colins, Tim Bradford & Lucy Chen, background Tim Bradford x Lucy Chen
✰ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Lucy spends her first week of maternity leave ignoring everyone but Jackson and Nolan. Tim comes back to work and questions where his rookie is, but no one will tell him anything, even Lucy. Lucy finds out some news about Tamara, and has to make a decision.
✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: canon divergence, autistic!Tamara, Tim Bradford would do anything for Lucy Chen, Lucy is a hardcore swiftie, adoption, finally Tim makes an appearance, low-key basing Tamara off of my one month old bc im obsessed w everything she does as I didn’t get this experience w my first,
don’t forget to read and reblog, and i do not give permission for my works to be posted anywhere other than tumblr. thank you.
Lucy laid Tamara down in her bassinet, one hand on her back, and one hand on her belly. She removes her hand from underneath her, and rubs her belly, watching as the 2 week old infant stretches, yawns, and closes her eyes, falling into a deep sleep.
Lucy sighs, rubbing her hand across Tamara’s forehead, before leaning down and pressing a kiss to her nose. The past two weeks had been a lot, but Lucy wouldn’t trade it for anything. She was loving being Tamara’s guardian.
Was she exhausted? Yes. Had she not had a shower in over a week? Also yes. But it didn’t matter. Knowing Tamara is taken care of, safe, and loved is more valuable to Lucy than all the good night sleeps and hot showers she’d ever taken are.
Lucy turned on the sound machine and the baby monitor, taking the portable portion with her. She slowly shut the door, and then turned to look at the state of her apartment.
It was a disaster. There were empty bottles, take out containers, coffee cups, and laundry everywhere. The dishes were piling up, and the garbage needed to be taken out. She sighed one more time, clipping the baby monitor to the pocket of her sweat pants, before she started picking up things, wanting to get the apartment in order for when Jackson and John came over after shift.
Jackson had been her number one supporter the last two weeks. He came over on his lunch break and helped her bathe Tamara for the first time on her own, and had ran out to the store for formula and diapers and wipes more times than Lucy could count. John, on the other hand, had yet to meet Tamara. He knew of Tamara, and that Lucy took her in, but he had been so busy with adjusting to his busy schedule and maintaining his contact with his son that time for him to come over and cuddle a baby while Lucy ate something was limited.
Tonight, however, was a free night, and Lucy could tell John was excited. He had texted her in the morning, asking if they were still on for tonight and if she needed him to bring anything, followed up by a text gushing about how he couldn’t wait to meet her. It made Lucy happy, knowing that she had such a great support system already, even though it was small. She had yet to tell her parents, as she knew that they would call her irresponsible and foolish for doing this, but then again, what did they know about raising children properly? All they did when she showed any sort of emotion was stick her in a therapy session.
So while her support system was small, it was strong, and was filled with people who would support her how she needed, not how they thought she needed it.
She had just dragged Tamara’s baby bouncer that Jackson had brought her a few days ago into the bathroom when she heard Tamara start crying in her bedroom. Lucy smiled to herself, and made her way into the bedroom. She turned off the baby monitor and the sound machine before approaching the bassinet, where Tamara was moving her limbs around in her sleep sack, eyes searching the room for Lucy.
“Hi baby girl.” Lucy said gently, not wanting to startle Tamara. She unzipped the sleep sack and cooed when she saw Tamara’s limbs scrunch up in a stretch. “Did you have a good sleep?” She asked as she lifted her up, making sure to support her head.
Tamara instantly settled down when Lucy held her against her chest, and carried her over to the change table. She laid her down and unzipped her onesie, her heart hurting when Tamara let out a cry at the air of the room hitting her bare skin.
“I know,” Lucy said gently, trying to be quick about the diaper change. “I know, Mama Lucy is trying to be quick.”
Once she was changed and her onesie was done back up, Lucy cradled her against her chest once again, and carried her into the bathroom, strapping her into the baby bouncer. Tamara cried again briefly, but quickly settled when Lucy hit the on button and it slowly began rocking her back and forth.
Lucy sighed, and stripped quickly, turning the shower on and hopped in. She kept the shower door open slightly, just so that she could peek out at Tamara every so often. She knew Tamara would be fine for a few minutes, but it made the anxiety in Lucy’s chest settle if she could just peek at her every once in a while.
Lucy finished her quick shower, and dried off, dressing in record time. She had just pulled on her leggings and sweater when Tamara started crying again. Lucy checked her phone and deduced that she was most likely hungry, as it had been almost 3 hours since her last bottle.
She scooped Tamara up, and carried her into the kitchen, where she grabbed the bottle with 3 ounces of formula, and warmed it up before carrying it over to the couch. She was about to sit down and feed her when the doorbell rang.
“It’s open!” She called to Jackson and John. Jackson opened the door and walked in, followed by John.
“Hey,” She said, smiling at her friends. “How was work today?”
John nodded with a smile, his eyes fixed on Tamara.
“Do you want to feed her?” She asked, and John nodded.
“If you don’t mind,” He said, looking at her for permission.
“Be my guest,” she said, holding out the bottle in one hand, and Tamara with her other arm. John scooped both baby and bottle from Lucy and sat down on the couch. Lucy sat down next to them, with Jackson sitting across from the two of them, on the chair that he had claimed over a year ago.
“How was work?” Lucy repeated, wanting to know what was going on while she is gone.
“Oh you know,” Jackson said with a smile. “Its work.”
“Yup,” John agreed. “Absolutely insane.”
“Glad to hear nothings changed,” Lucy said with a smile.
“Well, one thing has changed,” John said. “Tim came back to work finally.”
Lucy nodded. “I figured. He’s not mad that I’m off, is he?”
Jackson shook his head. “No, not mad. He’s definitely confused, but don’t worry, we haven’t told anyone the real reason you’re off.”
“Thank you,” Lucy said sincerely. “I really do appreciate that. It’s not that I’m ashamed of her or anything, but I don’t know how long she’ll be with me, so I don’t want everyone to get attached and then have to say goodbye.” She explained.
Both boys nodded, and John went to open his mouth to answer, when Lucy’s phone went off. She looked down, and saw the name ‘Stacie - DCFS’ flash across her screen.
“Hold on,” she said to the boys, grabbing her phone and walking into her bedroom.
“Hello?” She said, answering the phone.
“Hi Lucy, its Stacie.” Stacie said in her cheery voice.
“Hi Stacie, how can I help you?” Lucy responded, trying to control her breathing. She knew that this call would come sooner or later, and no matter how much she told herself that she had to do what was best for Tamara, she still dreaded hearing that they found her family.
“Well, I’m just calling to inform you that the search for Tamara’s family has been unsuccessful. We were unable to locate any relatives who are able to take her in.”
A smile spread on Lucy’s face, which then caused a pang of guilt inside her. She shouldn’t be rejoicing over this. Them being unsuccessful means that she does have family out there, but they aren’t able to take her in, meaning she once again, in her short 2 weeks of life, has no one.
“Oh, okay.” She answered. “So what happens next?” She asked.
“Well,” Stacie said, a smile evident on her face. “You have a choice to make. We can either search for a permanent placement for Tamara with another family, or you can start the process to adopt her.”
Tears filled Lucy’s eyes. There was no question in her mind about what she was going to pick.
“You can take a few days to think-“ Stacie began, but Lucy cut her off.
“I want to adopt her.” She said.
“I had a feeling you’d choose that option,” Stacie said warmly. Lucy could hear keys clicking in the background. “So, I will contact a family lawyer for you, and get the process expedited. If all goes well, which I know for a fact it will, she should officially be yours - at the very latest - by the end of next month.”
“T-thank you,” Lucy said, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Thank you so much.”
“You’re so welcome, Lucy.” Stacie said. “Because of you, that baby is going to be raised in a wonderful environment, by the most wonderful mom. I’m so glad that you are the one who found her.”
Lucy and Stacie traded thank you’s once more, before saying goodbye and hanging up. Lucy sat down on the bed, and sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve. She took a deep breath, before the door opened.
“Everything okay, Lucy?” John asked, carrying Tamara.
“Y-yeah, great actually.” She said, looking up at her baby girl in the arms of her friend. “That was her social worker.”
Jackson walked in to the room, and took a seat next to her. “And?” He asked.
“They couldn’t find any family when are able to take her in, so we have started the process for me to adopt her.” She said with a smile, and laughed when both Jackson and John exclaimed in happiness, Jackson wrapping her in a hug.
“That’s amazing!” John said, sitting down next to her. “You’re officially a mom.” He said, handing Tamara over to her.
“Yeah, I am.” She whispered, looking down at the sleeping infant. She then wrinkled her nose, after getting a whiff of poop.
“Oh yeah,” John said. “Yeah she definitely pooped, so she’s all yours, Mama.”
—-
Later that night, after Jackson and John had left, and Tamara had been laid down for the night, Lucy was laying in bed, facing Tamara. She was going to be hers, officially, and she couldn’t be happier. She had always wanted to be a mom, and now she was one, to a little girl who deserved a mother the most.
Just as Lucy went to close her eyes, there was a knock at her door. Lucy sighed, and climbed out of bed, trudging to the door. She peeked through the peep hole, and her heart dropped seeing Tim. She gulped, and opened the door.
“H-hi,” She said apprehensively.
“Hey.” He said, looking concerned. “Why aren’t you at work? Grey said you’re on leave for a few months, and no one seems to know anything.”
“What, are you worried?” She said jokingly, hoping that Tamara would stay asleep.
Tim rolled his eyes. “No, Boot, I just wanted to know if you were dropping out of the program or not so I don’t waste my time waiting around.”
Lucy rolled her eyes. “No, sir. I am not dropping out.”
“Then why are you on leave?” He demanded.
“Look, Tim, theres been few…” Lucy began, unsure how to word her explanation without giving anything away. “Changes in my life recently. Changes that I don’t feel at liberty to share with people, especially not my training officer. Not at the moment at least.” She explained.
“I just need a few months to adjust and find my footing, and then I’ll be back.” She said, and Tim nodded in agreement.
“Good.” He said simply. “I’m going to hold you to that, Chen.”
Lucy smiled warmly. “I know, sir.”
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