#You're a horrible horrible man Roman

[masquenoire]

★ 😘 - Sylvia / @shinebrightsweetdove

Send me a ★ and I’ll bold what applies to your muse.

“Don’t give me that look, Dove...”

I like you / I hate you / I dislike you / I love you / You are family / I would take a bullet for you / I would shoot you / I would lie to your face / I would say something cruel to you on purpose / I would say something cruel to you accidentally / I would cheat on you / I would physically hurt you / You annoy me / You amuse me / I’d laugh at you / I’d laugh with you / I’d manipulate you / You scare me / You confuse me / I wish I knew you better / I trust you / I don’t trust you / You inspire me / I consider you an equal / You are beneath me / You’re better than me / I would trust you with my life / I think you’re mean / I think you’re petty / I think you’re childish / I think you’re smart / I think you’re stupid / I think you’re a bad person / I think you’re a good person / I’m not sure what kind of person you are / I wish you would listen to me / I want to make you proud / I wish you would notice me / I want to impress you / I would hurt other people for you / I’m not sure how to make you happy / I’m a bad influence on you / You deserve better than me / We make a great team / I’d have a one night stand with you / I’d have a relationship with you / I would marry you / I fantasize about our life together / I would trust you with my most treasured belonging / I would tell you my darkest secrets / You disgust me / You intimidate me / I hope I intimidate you / I’d hug you / I’d let you hug me  / I’m scared of losing you / I don’t think you like me / I want to be better for you / I respect you / I don’t respect you / You’re my mentor / You’re my friend / You’re my best friend / I have a crush on you / I could easily watch you die / I’d get drunk with you / I’d party with you / I’d comfort you / I’d prank you / I’d spike your drink / I’d act behind your back / I’d abandon you / I’d hurt you to get what I want / I would choose my happiness over yours / I would choose your happiness over mine / I despise how much I care for you / I need you / I’m dependent on you / I don’t know what I’d do without you / I’m scared of you leaving me / I’d give my life for you / You frustrate me / I’d call for you in a time of need / I would protect you / I’d visit you in hospital / I’d carry you if you were hurt / I’d feel guilty if I hurt you / I’d let you be near me when I am vulnerable / I’d ignore a phone call from you / I’d call you at 3am / I’d break you out of jail / I’d get angry at you / I would shout at you / You’re too loud / You’re too quiet / You’re too sensitive / You can’t take a joke / You embarrass me / I feel nothing for you / You’re reckless / You’re bossy / You bore me / I would ask your advice / I would blame you for something I did / I would cry in your arms / You have the power to hurt me more than anyone else /

[floatyflowers]

Yandere First Husband Emperor Geta x Wife Reader Empress Lovestruck/Heartbroken x Yandere Second Husband Emperor Caracalla.

(I was so happy when I saw your requests were open! You're my favorite creator, I love all your works 🤭) (I love all things historical and I really fell in love with the trailer for Gladiator II and I'm looking forward to its release)

You are the wife of two emperors.

That's right, you are the wife of the emperor Geta and his brother, emperor Caracalla.

How did that happen?

Well, at first, you got married to Geta before the death of emperor Septimius Severus, but after his death, the two brothers are to share the empire.

And Caracalla had his eyes on you and wished to become your second husband, ignoring the Roman traditions.

You and their mother, Julia Domna, objected to this insane idea.

Julia Domna objected because it would be a scandal.

While you objected, because you are in love with your husband Geta and don't want to be with another man especially if that man is Caracalla.

However, your husband, Geta, agreed.

So, you got wed to Caracalla despite being already one month pregnant.

Your husband already knows, and also informed Caracalla.

"The child shall be mine"

Geta wanted to argue that he is the biological father but Caracalla shut him down.

"We both share the empire, and your wife, there is nothing wrong in sharing the baby too"

Realising the insanity of the situation, you decided to escape this madness, feeling heartbroken at how Geta is going along with all of that as if it is normal.

Your escape plan failed horribly, and you found yourself facing a betrayed looking Geta.

You stare at Geta in fear as he steps towards you slowly.

"Why have you betrayed me? when I was only trying to be the best husband for you."

"I love you from all my heart, but I cannot keep quiet anymore, I do not love Caracalla-"

Suddenly, you feel a hand grabbing your neck from behind, tightening its hold on it.

"Now now, brother, there is no need to stress our dear wife especially since she is pregnant with our child."

Your guts twist with disgust at the possessive pronoun 'our' used to state your relationship with the two emperors.

"But she needs to be punished" Geta argues angrily.

Caracalla walks up from behind you to stand beside his younger brother.

His eyes scans up your shaking body with a devious smirk.

"There are a lot of interesting ways to punish her without violence and she will be doing her duty as our wife at the same time"

[cakebatteronabrickwall]

Imagine being Roman Roy and anytime you accumulate some semblance of self-confidence, the most batshit horrible thing comes crashing in. Like... your Dad lets you handle a project by yourself? It explodes! You have a good line to potential investors and are sent to secure the deal? Hostage situation! You're essentially the only man left standing and for once your father likes you? Here comes the accidental dick pic! You handle the election and might have a shot at making your dead father proud? You're never gonna believe what happens next!

[chronicbeans]

Hazbin Rewrite - Angel Dust

I've made a few big changes here and made a few early concepts of Angel much more prominent (mainly his drag queen performances). For one, Angel is not under a contract with Valentino, but Val is actively pursuing a contract at the moment. That, and Angel is half Italian half Russian and lived in the USSR, which has an effect on his personality in the afterlife.

TW: Mentions of the USSR and Communism, Period Accurate Homophobia/Internalized Homophobia, Sex Work, VALENTINO, Mentions of Drugs, Brief Mention of Gender Dysphoria, I changed his real name to Anatoly to fit his new home country

In life, Anatoly worked as a drag queen and gay prostitute during the 1940s, sometimes stealing a few extra Russian Rubles from his clients when his family was in hard times. This was dangerous work, considering the USSR banned male homosexuality in the 1930s, and prostitution was already illegal, but he wanted to pursue it. It was his way of trying to make extra income for his family as well as try to express himself. He kept it as secret as he possibly could. He never really saw his homosexuality, sex work, and drag as a problem until he did get caught. He ended up passing away during his "5 years of hard labor". He was ratted out by his father, who got scared the rest of his family would be punished for housing him.

In Hell, his sins are homosexuality and sex work. However, it's important to realize that my rewrite's version of sin is individualized to what the person perceived as wrong or sinful in life. There's many people in Hell for things like sex work, homosexuality, or being transgender not because it is bad, but because they themselves perceived it as such. There's also plenty of of people in Heaven who are transgender, homosexual, or sex workers because they didn't see being those things as bad while they were alive. It just so happens that there's an influx of people during around the 1600's - 1900's who were taught that these things are sinful, so a lot of the people in there for things like homosexuality are from those time periods. In turn, a lot of the never generations or people from around the time period of ancient Greece or the Roman Empire who are a part of the LGBTQ+/sex workers are in Heaven, simply because they didn't get taught those things or never believed them when people tried.

So, while he may be in Hell for homosexuality, it's not because God sees it as a bad thing. God doesn't really care who you're attracted to, since He loves all his children. Angel is in Hell for homosexuality because he, himself, saw it as a bad thing when he died. Due to the horrible treatment given to him once he was ratted out, he began thinking that there must be something wrong with him if he "deserved" such treatment for it.

In Hell, Anatoly has taken on his drag name, Angel Dust, due to preferring to dress in drag rather than casual clothes when he goes outside. He also much prefers to go by "she" while in drag, even though he identifies as a cis man, because he plays up a character while in drag. A lot of people tend to mistake him for a trans woman because of this, but he doesn't mind because it proves to him his drag is good.

Angel Dust is not in a contract with Val currently, but Val is actively trying to get him into one. He's been saying his club is a safe space for all LGBTQ+ folks, saying that the pornographic material is their way of showing off their pride. In actuality, it's Val's way of profiting off of the fear and insecurities of LGBTQ+ people he comes across. Angel Dust, however, hasn't accepted it because of his own idea that he's somehow massively flawed for being gay. He does hang out with Val, though, due to Val making a safe persona and hiding his true colors from Angel Dust. So, Angel Dust doesn't necessarily see any reason to fear or stay away from Valentino.

Angel Dust isn't into any hardcore drugs while in Hell, nor was he while in life. However, he does smoke papirosa cigarettes, which in the USSR smoking was condemned, even if it wasn't necessarily illegal during the 1940s. It's mostly due to his life in the USSR being extremely strict, which has affected his afterlife heavily. He has many internalized fears, which as he overcomes them may spiral into him getting into drugs and accepting Valentino's contract.

Angel Dust is also a communist. He's from the USSR, so it's basically a given. This has a huge effect on his relationships with others in the Hazbin Hotel. Even if Angel Dust did do illegal activities while he was alive, he wasn't immune to any propaganda that the USSR spread to its citizens. So, when he meets actively greedy or capitalistic guests and staff members, he is much more likely to have a distaste for them or their ideals. Due to this, Charlie and/or Rebecca are often trying to diffuse fights between Angel and other members of the hotel, especially Baxter, Alastor, or Husk.

Angel Dust's native tongue is Russian, and due to having never learned English in life and good English classes being hard to come across in Hell, his English is slightly broken at times. In fact, he used the drag name Angel Dust simply because it sounded cool to him, without knowing the fact it was slang for drugs. His thought process was that he knew what angel meant, and he had heard from friends that dusty or dust was sometimes used by English speakers to describe how powdered blush felt. He has a thick accent, as well, making some of the other members have a hard time understanding his words at times. The only one who actively tries to figure out ways to better communicate with him is Husk, even though Angel often fights with him. Since Husk was alive and fought in the British Army alongside some USSR soldiers, he already has a slight advantage over others in understanding Angel both in terms of his personality and literal speech. So, whilst they have their differences and Angel may dislike him, Husk is still actively trying to get along with him.

Angel's form in Hell is humanoid, with an appearance similar to that of his drag persona. However, while in life he'd wear a chest piece to create a bust, Angel now just naturally has one, much to his slight dismay. It's caused a slight sense of gender dysphoria whenever he's outside of drag and people mistake him for a woman, which is another reason why he wears drag often. It gives him a reason to believe that they're mistaken not for his chest, but for the rest of his drag persona's appearance. He has four eyes, two where a human's would be, and two smaller ones at the edge of his small eyebrows. Then, he has four spider legs at this hips, which he uses as a hoop skirt when he wears more extravagant dresses. He keeps his pale pink hair long, which feels less like hair and more like fur. He also tries to wear blush to give color to his pale skin.

Fun fact: I originally decided to make him half Italian and half Russian just to give the guests a bit more variety in culture. However, once I remembered that I was keeping his death date in the 1940s, I realized I accidentally dropped him smack dab into the USSR 😭. However, I kept it because the idea of living in a society that hates you for who you are impacting someone so heavily after death was something I had already been planning for someone else, and it makes sense for multiple characters to go through such a thing.

[3d-wifey]

What are those WIPs looking like? c'mon pleaseeee 😩😩😩😩give us a list. ur my favorite writer and I read everything I write, I wanna know what I have to look forward to (if you don't want to that's totally okay)

December Wip List

This took me a fucking minute 😭😭 please tell me if any of you wanna be tagged for any of the following.

In-progress series (original)

And They’d Find Us a Week (Hunger Games) - Finnick x implied black!Reader

↳ You run cold, you always have, it’s just another thing to love as far as Finnick is concerned. He himself emits heat like a furnace on the best of days. He remembers cold hands touching his heated skin, cold toes shocking the skin of his legs whenever you lay together. But now, now Finnick feels nothing but a hissing heat as your mouths press together. Heat like a hot knife cutting into a block of ice, like a blazing star consuming him in a ball of fire, only to sizzle into a warm embrace. He melts into you, trusting that you’ll sculpt him back together with your glacial grip.

Or

After everything you and Finnick have gone through together, it only makes sense that you’ve grown a little attached.

↳Status: Ongoing; posted

The Female of the species (The Boys) - Various/Homelander x black!supe!Reader

↳ “So what? I was grown in a lab like a, like a—fucking Chia Pet?” You can feel the air around you become charged, molecules flying by your ears at top speed. Ashley rushes to catch her papers that she stupidly left loose. “Calm yourself.” Edgar drones and his lack of reaction to you turning the room into a small cyclone only aggravates you further.

Or

Both a woman who’s used to getting whatever she wants and a man who’s never heard no, created in a lab. What a horrible pair you two will make. (basically ‘I can’t fix him. I can fuck him though, maybe that’ll help.’ Says woman that is worse.)

↳ Status: Ongoing; not posted

All On His Mouth Like Liquor (Succession) - black!Reader x Various [Shiv, Tom, Greg?, Kendall, Roman?, Menkin, Matsston, Stewy]

↳ "Mmm. You know, I've got a pretty cushy job in the White House lined up. I might be able to get you on my team." Jeryd places a hand on the counter next to your hip, leaning into your space, but you ignore him in favor of fixing your smeared lipstick. "I'm not looking to be anyone's Monica Lewinski."  “You think pretty highly of yourself." You pause and glance down at yourself. At the way your blouse is just on the right side of too tight. The way leaving the top two buttons undone gives anyone interested a glimpse of your necklace dipping between your cleavage. You turn to the side and look in the mirror at the way your skirt clings onto your ass and thighs, curves modestly on display. You look back at him with an eyebrow raised. "Point." He concedes, eyes still looking you over.

Or

As her assistant, it’s quite literally your job to be a Shiv defender.

↳ Status: Ongoing; not posted

Please Don’t Go (I’ll Eat You Whole) (Scream) - Yandere!Billy x Reader x Yandere!Stu

↳"Do you…find me…attractive?" He drawls, words drawn out like you're an exceptionally stupid child. And, honestly, you're starting to wonder if you're suffering from brain damage.  This is insane. Seriously, how many unhinged things can happen to one person in 48 hours? "I, uh, I mean,” you shrug, staring over his shoulder at your wall, "yeah. But, Billy, a lot of people do, which is what I was trying to say—" "There's a difference between people and you." He sits up, leaning towards you. "Why didn't you tell me?" "Billy, it's really not that big of a deal." You sigh, moving to get up—unwilling to let yourself be embarrassed. But he stops you, grabbing your hand, and you realize in a panic that he isn't going to let this go. "It is to me." He pulls you back on the bed closer than you were before, thighs brushing together. "What would have happened if I did?" You roll your eyes. Why are you humoring this? "Well, I might have had a girlfriend who didn't find me disgusting." “I don’t…I…” You shake your head in disbelief, breath catching in your chest before rushing out a weary sigh. “How the hell am I supposed to respond to that, Billy? Wh–what am I supposed to do with that?”

Or

When you love someone the way Billy and Stu love you, well, what’s a little manipulation between friends?

↳ Status: Ongoing; not posted

Once More to See You (Bridgerton) - Anthony Bridgerton x Reader

↳ Anthony is not one for flowery musings. He isn’t a poet, nor does he spend his time admiring the arts or waxing poetics about beauty and such. No, he leaves that sort of thing to his brother. But as you peer up at him with expectant eyes, the lights of the chandeliers painting you in a soft yellow, he can understand why a war was waged over Helen of Troy.

Or

You’ve finally come home from France and you’re a woman grown—far too old to entertain the silly musings you had as a girl. You’ve been presented to higher society and your search for a suitable husband has just begun, but Anthony isn’t willing to be so easily forgotten.

↳ Status: Ongoing; posted

You Set My Soul Alight (House of the Dragon) - Yandere!Daemon Targaryen x Reader

↳ He presents the wreath to you and you have no choice but to take it. There is a pause before hesitant cheers erupt around you, building in confidence until the entire stadium is roaring. Prince Daemon is the champion and has crowned you the Queen of Love and Beauty, dedicating his victory to you—just like he said he wouldn’t.  He smirks up at you, his plan unfolding before your eyes.  It is the beginning of the end. 

Or

Perhaps it would have been easier on everyone if you had just told Daemon you were being betrothed before your father publically announced it.

↳ Status: Ongoing; not posted

She’s My Collar (JJK) - Geto x Reader x Gojo

↳ Oh, you don’t hate them. Hate would require a level of acknowledgment that you don’t bestow upon the two boys. You’d have to notice them to hate them, you’d have to care and you’re indifferent at most. No, it’s much more simple than that. Gojo and Geto just aren’t on your radar.

Or

Being the first of your clan in centuries to join the world of Jujutsu sorcerers, specifically Tokyo Jujutsu Acadamy, is sure to make waves. And with a cursed technique like yours, it’s no wonder the Strongest have taken an interest in you. If only it was mutual.

↳ Status: Ongoing; not posted

Imagine Being Loved By Me (Star Wars) - Anakin x Reader x Obi-Wan 

↳"I can train her." All eyes look to Master Skywalker's hologram. He sits reclined in his chair—or what you presume is a chair—as if he's discussing the weather and not taking you on as an apprentice. "No." Windu turns him down immediately and you frown, just as against the idea as he is. You're sure many other Padawans would jump at the notion of being trained by Anakin Skywalker, but it's completely unnecessary. "In fact, you are the last person that should train her."

Or

As a Senior Padawan, nothing can keep you from doing your part in the war, not even the untimely death of your Master. Yoda asking Obi-Wan to take you under his tutelage is surprising. Almost as surprising as Anakin volunteering to do it himself. 

↳ Status: Ongoing; not posted

Limerence (The Sandman) - Morpheus x major arcana nightmare!Reader x Corinthian

↳ You watch as Adam and Eve run hand in hand, far from the Garden Of Eden. Steps hurried, frantic as if worried God would change his mind and bring them back—lock them away in that pretty cage again. But they are smiling. There's not an ounce of regret within either of them. You search and find that their only desire is to be free, together. Love is such a strange thing, you think from your spot between Dream and the Corinthian.

Or

If you and Corinthian are two stars orbiting each other, then Dream is the black hole that birthed you—drawing you both closer and closer while tearing you apart. One day, he will swallow you both whole, and you will say thank you.

↳ Status: Ongoing; not posted

In progress sequels

Show em Who I Belong to pt.2 - Dom!Johnny Cage

Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You, Baby pt.2 - Manipulative/toxic!Erwin Smith

One-shots

Damon, Klaus, Elijah x reincarnated!Reader (TVD/TO) - 1989 is the worst year of your life simply because it's the year you met Damon and, consequently, the year you were reborn for the last time.  (might be a series)

Nick x Reader x Jacob (The Quarry) - A game of truth or dare has led to the last night of Summer going to complete and total shit. Having been bitten by some kind of beast and feeling like you're going to literally burst out of your skin, the only upside is being stuck between two hot guys who are desperately in love with you. It could be worse. At least you weren’t the only one bitten. 

Remus Lupin (Harry Potter) x Reader - You and Remus are quite competitive, always going head-to-head in your classes. It’s commonplace to compete for the highest marks. What isn’t commonplace, is the sabotage in the form of Remus’s wandering hands.  

Sirius Black (Harry Potter) x Hufflepuff!Reader - Sirius can’t help but feel like he’s the only person in the entire school that you hate. Probably because he is.

James Potter (Harry Potter) x Hufflepuff Quidditch captain!Reader - James Potter has been your sworn nemesis since your first year and now that you’re both captains of your respective teams, that rivalry has only grown. Now, if only Potter would get the memo.

Poly!Marauders x Reader (Harry Potter) - Honestly, in retrospect, you don’t know how you thought this would end without incredible irritation on your part. You thought the four of you had outgrown such childishness, that being the only reason you even invited them to the fundraising event. Had you known it would end like this, you would have declined the offer to volunteer altogether. 

Johnny Cage x Reader (MK1) - Johnny is too needy for you to wait until the awards show is over. Besides, he’s been so good for you, hasn’t he? Doesn’t that deserve positive reinforcement? You wouldn’t want him to act out, would you?

Himbo!Steve Harrington x bimbo!Reader (Stranger Things) - Steve was smarter than you, but only slightly. Not smart enough that he would ever hold it over you, but smart enough to know that the two of you shouldn't have been doing this in such a public place.

College loser!Mike x mean popular!Reader (FNAF) - “I promise I’ll be good, just…” “Use my thigh.” “What if I just leave you here, wet and needy.” “Clean my fingers, this is your mess.”

Manipulative proffessor!Erwin Smith x TA!Reader (AOT) - Erwin has a soft spot for you, his new TA.

Arthur Morgan x Photographer!Reader (RDR2) - "Sure." He takes a cursory look around at the towering trees before focusing his gaze back on you. His wide-brim hat shades eyes so blue that you’re certain the sky itself is teeming with envy.

Johnny Silverhand x Musician!Reader (Cyberpunk 2077) - It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to collaborate with Johnny Silverhand. If only he knew how to keep his mouth in check.

Luke, Han, Leia x Zeltron!Reader (Star Wars) - You’re not a Jedi. You don't know the Jedi code and you’re probably as Force sensitive as a particularly dedicated brick. Despite that, you’re pretty sure the Force isn’t supposed to be used like this.

Sebastian X Demon!Reader x Claude (Black Butler) - Your mistress is interested in doing business with Ciel Phantomhive. Who would have thought he had a demon on his payroll?  (might be a series)

NSFW Alphabets

Star (The Lost Boys) - Adding on to that poly Lost Boys Alphabet

Anakin

Obi-Wan

Negan

Damon Salvatore

Headcanons/drabbles

Earthrealm MK1 boys compete for Goddess!Reader’s attention

Paul (lost boys) eating you out while you’re both high

Dark/yandere Luke Skywalker NSFW headcanons

Yandere Targaryen men (Aegon i, Maegor, Aegon ii, Aemond, Daemon) x Reader - Being the pregnant wife of a close friend

Yandere Targaryen men x Reader - Finding out you’re being married off

More flirty intros (MK1 and MK11)

Dead By Daylight Killers x Obsession!Reader

Eren Jaeger with a breeding kink

Yandere/dark president Loki x Ironman variant!Reader

Possible ideas (I’ll take prompts on these/discuss these)

➔Astarion (BG3) x Reader : 

Smut for sure

Eat Your Young -  Astarion did try to stick to the plan, truly, he did. Some seduction here, a few implications there. It should have been enough to get him into your bedroll alongside your heart. It would have worked on quite literally anyone else, but you’re just so Gods damned oblivious! (might become a series)

➔John Snow (GOT) x Reader

➔Michael Myers x nurse!Reader (Halloween)

➔Veronica x Reader x JD (Heathers)

➔Sajanus Plinth x Capitol!Reader (Hunger Games) 

➔Poly!Lost Boys x Reader (The Lost Boys) - How you start dating

➔Bigby Wolf x fable!Reader (The Wolf Among Us)

➔Jerry Dandridge x black vampire!Reader (Fright Night) - You and Jerry have more in common than any of your other neighbors could possibly imagine. (might become a series)

➔Mischa x Reader (Ride the Cyclone) - You like to think you and Mischa are pretty close, you’d go as far as to call him your best friend. So why is it that you haven’t so much as seen a picture of this ‘Talia’?

➔Dennis Reynolds x Reader (IASIP) - Dennis is used to doing the chasing, so much so that he doesn’t even realize when he’s on the receiving end of his own system.

➔Will Graham x killer!Reader x Hannibal (Hannibal)

➔Rick Grimes x Reader (TWD)

➔Derek Hale x Reader (Teen Wolf)

➔Isaac Lahey x Reader (Teen Wolf)

➔Demon!Dean Winchester x Reader (Supernatural)

➔Castiel x angel!Reader (Supernatural)

➔Abed Nadir x Reader (Community)

➔Carlisle Cullen x Reader (Twilight)

➔Spike x Vampire!Reader (Buffy)

➔Kakashi x ex ambu!Reader x Tenzo (Naruto)

➔Sangwoo? X Horrible!Reader (Killing Stalking)

[hughiecampbelle]

Being Shiv's Twin With Depression Would Include:

Requested: Can I request a Succession headcanon for being Shiv's twin who struggles with depression, please? - anon

A/N: I love these requests cuse I'm a twin and I feel like I have inside knowledge lol like I have cheat codes. Anyways, thank you for requesting my love!!! Hope you like it!!! Feedback is always appreciated!!! 💜💜💜

Shiv is definitely the oldest twin

As the oldest, she takes her duties very seriously. From blowing out the birthday candles first, to reminding you that she's a whole year older for the amount of time it took you to be born, to protecting you from other kids at school when they're being mean

She loves you more than life itself, she would do anything to protect you. As far as Shiv is concerned, she's the only one who can call you names and push you around. Anyone else, even your brothers, are off limits. She's incredibly defensive over you. You could do no wrong, even when you do, it's never your fault

"Y/n hit me!"

"No they didn't!"

"Yes they did!"

"You deserved it then."

When Logan is cruel to you or dismisses you, Shiv is the one you cry to. She's the one who, in a moment of pure insanity, goes to Logan and demands that he be nicer to you. You beg her not to, but it's too late. He laughs in her face, dismissing her as well, but at least she gave it a good shot. She does it more as a reminder that she'd do anything for you, including standing up to him for you

"Don't listen to him, he's a mean old man."

"What if it's true? What if I'm stupid?"

"Are you kidding? You're the smartest person I know."

Your mother still goes on and on about how carrying twins ruined her body. You just share a knowing look, that for the rest of your lives you'll have to hear about what a burden you were before you were even born

You and Shiv are by far the closest siblings. You share everything: a room, secrets, even your own twin-language. You can still sort of speak it now, with a few words, which creeps everyone out. Your father made a rule at the dinner table that a language everyone knows must be spoken because Roman would get upset and Kendall would get annoyed. You don't need words though, just a look can tell you everything

Shiv is the Dandelion child, she can thrive under any circumstances. She doesn't mind the pressures, all the unspoken rules and tension. It doesn't bother her. You, on the other hand, are the Orchid child. You don't thrive in the Roy household. You're anxious and sensitive and when you're at school or with friends or even with your mother you're able to come out of your shell. At home you wilt, and Shiv is the only one who understands this, who sees this and tries her best to fix this

Where Shiv thrives in your teenage years, you start to feel this overwhelming sense of dread, this horrible exhausted, overwhelmed, terrible feeling you don't have a name for. You are riddled with insecurity, with self-doubt and self-criticism. It feels horrible. You feel like you bruise too easily, like everything hurts. You find it hard to get out of bed, to find joy in things, to be yourself. You're not showering or brushing your teeth. You have this overwhelming urge to hurt yourself to find relief. Shiv is the first to notice, but she doesn't know what's wrong or how to fix it

She doesn't have a word for it either. She tries her best to help you, planning weekends so you're not stuck in bed, helping you with deadlines and homework so you don't fall behind, so you don't suffer under your father's wrath. She wants to shake you out of it, hoping it's just a bug or a rut

It's not though and not long after you break down in tears in front of her, scared, exhausted, tired of existing like this, tired of existing at all. She knows she can't go to either parent about this, so she goes to the school guidance counselor and sets up a meeting. When you come out of it, it's the first time you say the word Depression. Neither of you knew anything about mental health. What your father says is mostly jokes or making fun of someone. Whatever Connors mother suffered from, he had her locked away because of it. You make a pact right then and there not to tell Logan. Shiv makes you promise when you feel this way, you talk to her about it. She'll help you figure it out

And you do. Nothing is off limits between you. When you lose your appetite, she's the one who sits with you and makes you eat. She brushes your hair and helps you get dressed. She organizes everything in the bathroom to make it easier to get washed in the morning. It pains her to see you hurting

Neither your father or mother notice anything different and though your brothers suspect something might be up, they know better than to interfere

For years this goes on. You meet with the counselor once a week and talk to Shiv when you feel like you aren't burdening her. Eventually she catches on to these feelings and reminds you often there is nothing you could do to bother her. Nothing

"I love you."

"I love you more."

"Not possible."

"Yes possible."

There are times when you don't feel any kind of depression and other times where it feels suffocating, like you'll never see the end of it. Either way, you know with Shiv by your side, you'll get through it

She worries about you to no end. It's her job as big sister to protect you, protect you from everything. How can she protect you from your own mind? She does lots of research. What it is, how to help, how it's treated, etc.

One you graduate and are out of the house, Shiv not so subtly finds you a real therapist, someone qualified to really help and diagnose you. For her, you go and it's there that you're diagnosed with depression. You're put on medication/s and go every two weeks

She checks in wirh you, seeing how you're doing, how it's going, how you're feeling

It's been under control for a while now, you've never felt better. It lingers of course, but you're finding ways to handle it, to cope

You know if you didn't have Shiv you wouldn't be here today

When your brothers find out years later, far into your adulthood, Shiv makes it known any jokes about it won't be tolerated

"Can I just-"

"If you like where you're intestines are, you'll keep quiet."

"Noted."

Connor feels terrible that you had to go through it alone, but you assure him you weren't alone. You had Shivy. You thank her for everything, every time she calls, every time she texts, every time you talk. She just shrugs it off like its no big deal, but it was, it is

When you're having an especially hard time you know her guest room is always available. Tom becomes used to seeing the two of you in there, asleep or talking. She makes it known that her place is also your place, that you're welcome anytime

"What about you, how are you doing?"

"You know me, I can thrive in any conditions."

"Shivy. . ."

"I know what you mean. I'm okay, really."

You're still as close as ever

You talk about everything, including your marriages, your brothers, Gojo and Matsson and the election. You're always the one who makes her laugh, really laugh and can take her mind off anything

"Where would I be without you?"

"Ohio, probably."

"Shut up!"

Shiv knows a lot about your depression, more so than anyone. She was there when it started and she'll be there til the end. She never judges or doubts you because of it. She knows it makes life a hell of a lot harder. You're doing your best, even when you don't feel like it, even when you feel like you're not. She loves you, you're her twin after all

[ericamagnus]

𝘏𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵

▎genre(s) : spicy

▎pairing : roman reigns & cody rhodes × reader

▎warning : swearings, polyamory, inaccurate event

⚓︎ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏summary: ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏a stranger tried to harass you on the dance floor, but two certain people came to save the day.

divider by : @cafekitsune

After you guys finished a house show in Philadelphia, everyone decided to go out and celebrate the completion of it. You also take your boyfriends along, even though they wants to go back to the hotel and sleep; but still they wants to accompany you just in case something goes horribly wrong.

After you all arrived on the scene, you and some girls on the roster decided to go dancing on the dance floor, while Joe and Cody stayed with the boys to chat. You can see some people dancing gracefully, regardless of their dancing skills being horrible or not; everyone enjoys it. As you are infected by the atmosphere of the dance floor, you decide to dance too.

During the dance, a guy approached you. He was a little bit handsome, and he was taller than you, but not as tall as Joe or Cody.

“ Hey gorgeous, are you alone here? ” That guy asked you.

“ No, I was with my friends. ” You quickly answered his question, while being aware of his presence.

Meanwhile, at the bar counter, Joe was talking to Colby (Seth Rollins), while Cody was chatting with Rami (Sami Zayn) and Kevin (Kevin Owens). They somehow saw you were with a stranger, it makes them very suspicious.

“ Joe, what's wrong with Y/N? ” Colby asked Joe.

“ I saw her talking to a guy right there, and I had a bad feeling about it... ” Joe answered while Cody continued watching the whole segment.

As they expected, that guy offered to dance with you, but you politely declined his offer. After he heard your answer, he became very frustrated about it and decided force you to dance with him.

“ Woman, I don't think you can refuse my offer. Do you know who I am? I'm the son of the high-ranking official. ” He began to brag about himself.

“ You're lucky that you're a girl; otherwise, I would have beaten the shit out of you immediately. Not only are you pathetic, but you're also a pussy too-- ” He pulled up your shirt and threatened you.

Meanwhile, Joe and Cody had seen enough, they decided to do something about it as they walked away from the bar counter. As that guy continued to harass you, Joe grabbed that guy shoulder.

“ What the fuck? Who the hell are you guys?! ” That guy shouted at them.

“ Y/N, are you alright? ” Cody asked you worriedly.

“ Joe, Cody... ” You mumbled your boyfriend's name.

“ Don't worry baby, we will handle this situation peacefully. ” Joe emphasized the word “peacefully”, but you knew they were going to do something they would not regret in the slightest.

Just look at their eyes; it looks like they could kill someone right on the spot.

“ Can you guys take her away from the scene? ” Cody asked Rami and Kevin.

“ Sure man. Alright Y/N, let's get out of here. ” Rami said as he and Kevin were readying to take you away.

“ You two, don't do something stupid, okay? ” You reminded them of it before leaving. Then, Joe and Cody watched you go. Afterward, they turned their attention to the guy who had been harassing you.

“ You--! ” Before he could muster his words, Joe pushed him lightly, making that guy trip.

“ Hey, don't you think you can escape for it. ” Cody reminded him.

“ Who the hell do you think you are, Joe Biden's son? ” Joe then said.

“ Motherfuck-- ” Both of them gave him a murderous stares before that guy can say something about it.

Why didn't they beat the hell out of that guy? Because not only are they celebrities, but you reminded them not to beat someone up.

“ We took it as an early warning; next time, if you harass our girl again, there will be no excuses anymore. ” Joe warned that guy coldly.

“ And also, don't tell anyone about this. ” After Joe and Cody finished dealing with that guy, they quickly meet you at outside of the bar.

“ You guys are back, did you beat up that asshole? ” You greeted them.

“ Nope, you told us not to do. ” Cody smiling at you as he answered.

“ And Joe? ” You look at Joe, which answered you almost immediately.

“ Nah, we just having a nice chat about it, don't worry about it. We didn't do anything stupid. ” He said.

Although you're afraid they might get into some sort of trouble, it's a good thing they came to the rescue in time; otherwise, you could have been kidnapped or something worse may have occurred.

A week later, you saw that asshole on the news. He had been arrested for kidnapping and harassment as he was sending to prison for good.

End.

͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏

[tozettastone]

I've previously mentioned I think it'd be fun to do a fic where Merlin is banished and has some adventures through Anglo-Saxon Britain (ideally landing me with a Gwaine/Lancelot/Merlin fic, as I deserve). I was thinking today it would be kind of fun to have him — as a physician's apprentice — very confidently put forward his ideas about humoral theory. As a treat.

So I wrote him stumbling into some mercenaries who are about to discover his magic and mcfucking kidnap him while bellowing "diiiibs!" and riding off into the sunset, like so:

(a warning for general battlefield-related grossness below)

---

"Oof," said Merlin, nearly tripping over himself at the force of his shove. Abruptly and horribly reminded of Arthur, he looked over his shoulder.

But however upset he currently felt, the huge and red-faced Egbert did not push him a second time. There was probably not much satisfaction in shoving Merlin, if you were roughly the size of a warhorse.

They both ducked into the cramped tent, which rendered it even more cramped. It, too, smelled awful, but marginally less than the field of battle outside — like, hey, perhaps nobody had died in here yet, so it was still more or less free of faeces.

Merlin looked down at the mercenary on the stained cot. Wilfrid, too, was a big man, with thighs like tree trunks, thick wheat-gold hair, and a reddish complexion. He was just as intimidating as his friend, even though he'd been stripped out of half his armour, and just the bloodstained padding and boots remained.

He was clammy, sweating, grim-faced with pain.

"Wilfrid? Hi. I'm Merlin. I'm a physician," sort of, "from, er, from Camelot."

Wilfrid's jaw was very tight and his breathing was laboured. He heaved in a breath and said, "You're a long... way from home."

"I s'pose. I've been exiled, though."

"That's, ha, that's comforting."

"Get on with it," hissed Egbert.

It was obvious what was the matter with him: there was a great bloody knife sticking out of his side. The wound was still bleeding sluggishly, a bright and healthy red.

Merlin swallowed hard and knelt in the dirt next to the cot to look, not just with his eyes, but with his nose, too.

The skin around the wound was swollen and streaked with spilt blood. More had dribbled free as the first wash was drying, and successive layers had left the skin a tacky mess.

"Let me have a look..." He said, and he glanced up to meet Wilfrid's eyes for a moment just before he laid hands on him. He proved the area around the knife gently and carefully with his fingers.

Wilfrid was apparently made of good Roman concrete, because his jaw flexed and he breathed out hard but didn"t make a noise.

Unfortunately, despite how it looked — clean red blood, good pink flesh — what Merlin could smell wasn't just the iron of blood or the reek of urine, but also the acid scent of half-digested onions. And that meant that the knife had penetrated Wilfrid's stomach.

"I think..." 'I think there's nothing I can do for this,' was what he was about to say. But... there probably was something, wasn't there? Something magical. He was no longer in Camelot, after all. The incantation to close the wound would be something as simple as gehælan, rendered in the speech of the old religion, perhaps. But...

But, well, as soon as the yellow bile leaking from his stomach mixed with his blood, its humoral characteristics would become so unbalanced, so significantly, that he would begin to show the symptoms of a catastrophic excess of hot and dry qualities: confusion, fever, and a thirst that would likely kill him.

"You think what?"

Merlin chewed his bottom lip. "I can stop the bleeding. But from the smell, the knife's got his guts."

"God's blood!" Egbert spun on his heel and kicked savagely at the ground, sending up a clod of dirt. It smacked into the heavy fabric wall of the tent.

Wilfrid unclenched his teeth long enough to say only: "Thought so. And I don't want to lie here and fade away helplessly like a woman in childbed. Egbert, go and get that damned axe."

Egbert swore again, but he stormed out, presumably to take the axe from his friend's saddle.

Merlin tapped the edge of the cot with his fingertips, drumming them nervously. He wasn't in Camelot anymore, which was — don't get him wrong — awful. But it meant there was less danger if he used magic.

And it wasn't like Wilfrid was staring down all that many options.

"Let's, erm, keep the axe as a last resort. There... might be something else we can try, first."

[loiteringandlurking]

okay so this is that self indulgent javey oneshot ...

it gets an eeny bit spicy towards the end but it's like only a little bit ...

consider this my bday gift to you guys !

Jack and David didn't realise it had gotten dark out until they could see their reflections clearly in the windows.

They weren't alone, of course, many other late night studiers still sat at their own desks, but Jack and Davey were lucky to be separated from most others by some rows of bookshelves.

And in the mellow lights from overhead, Davey's unkempt curls made shadows on his face, illuminating and accentuating his high cheekbones, sun-kissed freckles and roman nose. Jack watched the way his long fingers glided across the pages of his textbook, occasionally dropping to the desk to pick up a highlighter. Jack watched the way his eyebrows drew together as he reread a passage, the way his cool blue eyes blinked a few times.

God, he was inconceivably pretty. Jack is a very lucky man.

Davey glanced up at Jack, once quickly, as if to check what Jack was doing, then again, realising Jack's eyes were already on him.

Davey shot him a questioning look and a smile, and Jack grinned back. He watched Davey's tongue as it swiped across his beautiful soft lips, and watched those elegant fingers tuck a stray curl behind his ear. Watched as he parted his lips slightly, to sigh, resting his head on his hands, gazing at Jack.

God, what Jack wouldn't give to have his lips on Davey's right about now. It was a never-fail remedy after a long day.

Davey must have read Jack's mind, because he smiled, that downward-pointed smile that Jack loved and Davey hated, and stood, waiting expectantly. Jack stood too, wincing as the squeak of his chair echoed in the near-silent room.

He let Davey take his hand and lead him into an aisle of books- philosophy, judging from the covers.

See, their university was very old. Solid-oak-wood-shelves type old. So solid, in fact, that the only noise was a quiet 'oof!' as Davey turned, his back against a shelf, grabbed Jack's collar, and pulled him in close.

'Hey.' Davey whispered, smiling coyly.

'Hey.' Jack replied, feeling blush heat his cheeks. 'God, you're beautiful.'

Davey circled his fingers on Jack's shoulder, whisper-giggling. God, talk about seductive.

Jack let one hand rest on Davey's hip, the other on his cheek, and gently connected their lips. Electricity flowed through him, like it was their first kiss all over again. Davey smiled, pulling Jack impossibly closer as he opened his mouth, giving Jack's tongue entrance. Jack gladly obliged, running his tongue over the inside of the mouth he knew so well. He sighed happily against Davey's mouth, moving both hands down to the other boy's hips.

When Jack pulled away for breath, he took great care in memorising every detail of Davey's face. His lips, now teasing a new, slightly bruised look. His nose and cheeks, dusted pink. His eyes, storm-blue and horribly sparkly. His pupils, blown wide.

Jack lifted one hand just inside Davey's shirt, dragging his thumb over the jut of his hip-bone, revelling in the way Davey seemed to vibrate at the feeling.

'God, you're...' Jack whispered, unable to find the right words. 'Just incredible.'

'You too.' Davey sighed more than said. He gazed dreamily at Jack, making his heart skip a beat. 'Tu es plus beau que le soleil... j'ai besoin de toi.' Davey murmured, moving a hand to play with Jack's bottom lip.

'Fuck, Dave...' Jack whispered. 'You can't just talk to me like that.'

'Like what?' Davey asked innocently, snaking his arms around Jack's shoulders. 'Comme ça?'

'You know I think it's sexy.' Jack groaned, dropping his head into the crook of Davey's shoulder.

'Tu es adorable, mon amour.' Davey whispered in the most silky tone Jack had ever heard. 'Tu aimes quand je parle comme ça, n'est-ce pas?'

Jack had no idea what Davey could possibly be saying, but man oh man was it doing a number on him. And his dick. And it sure did not go unnoticed, seeing as Jack had pulled his hips flush to Davey's at some point.

A smirk tugged at the corner of Davey's mouth. 'Ah chérie, tu es déjà excitée?' Aha. Jack knew that one. Excitée. Horny. 'Juste d'après mes mots?' Davey took on a more teasing tone, which only turned Jack on more. 'Oh, mon beau garçon.'

'Oui.' Jack grunted, letting Davey rub his back, almost sympathetically. And Davey had the audacity to giggle, and it was just about the most sultry giggle Jack had heard from him.

'Dave.' Jack tried to sound stern, but it came out more pleading. 'Gimme a break.'

Davey leaned in close to Jack's ear, and whispered, obviously now trying (and succeeding, the little bitch) to sound seductive, 'Non, pas pour toi, mon amour.'

Jack physically couldn't contain it. He ground his hips up, into Davey's, slowly and needily. Davey gasped quietly, not expecting the sensation.

'Jack!' He sounded scandalised. 'We are in a library!'

'Oh, and the library was just fine when you were talking dirty to me in French?' Jack snapped back playfully.

'I was not talking dirty!' Davey placed a hand on his chest defensively. 'I had no idea it was having an effect on you!'

Jack looked pointedly down at his now obvious boner, pressed against Davey. Davey snorted. 'Okay, well, that is not my fault.'

'It is so your fault.' Jack frowned. 'Can we get out of here?'

'Only if you use my textbook to hide your situation.'

'Oh, you asshole. You're about to have your own situation.'

'Can I have my situation at home?'

'You asshole.'

Davey shrugged. 'At least I have a situation that's under control.'

'Say sorry. Right now. Or I'm taking care of my situation, right here right now.'

'Jesus!' Davey held his hands up placatingly. 'I'm sorry. .... Mon amour.'

'You ass.'

[tomwambsmilk]

When I was watching live last night my internet cut out just as Roman finished talking to Gerri and only came back in at the very end of Roman and Kendall's conversation with Willa when they get on the boat, so I missed Roman leaving the message for Logan. And then when Logan died and Roman asked about the messages everyone went "oh my god the messages... he thinks he killed his dad with that message" so I thought obviously he said something truly horrible and awful. He fucking lost it. He eviscerated Logan. What else would possibly give an old man a heart attack on the toilet. So to go back and rewatch and discover that the message was basically "uhhhhhhhhh I really hope this isn't like too mean or anything dad but um I think maybe it kind of sucked when you asked me to murder someone I care about and piss in their face? I feel like that was a lot? I don't want to be dramatic or anything please still love me after this but maybe its not cool when you do that. maybe i have thoughts and feelings and am a real boy then again maybe not only if you're cool with it. but also I'm not happy with you right now. but also please still love me okay daddy bye" like holy fuck send that boy to therapy

[romanreignsistheonlydaddy]

Resist and bite: part 1

Roman Reigns x Piper (OC)

I put it all in one and added to it.

My wattpad: crimsonprincess74

Warnings: violence, angst, romance, teleportation, errors I may have missed.

Word count: 2.3k

Tag list: @reignsangel444 @acknowledge-reigns @mindfulofmani

___

Romans POV

Seth was once one of the nicest people I knew but the moment he laid eyes on piper his attitude changed. I tried to read his thoughts but he had me blocked. It slowly got worse over time until the day Piper got away and Seth killed the servant girl.

Piper had come rushing to my apartment looking for a place to hide from Seth and I knew if I had gotten involved Seth would come after me as well but I felt bad for Piper. I let her inside and showed her where she could sleep. "Thank you Roman! I really appreciate this!" She smiled.

"Piper, we need to leave in the morning..Seth won't stop until he finds you and now that I've helped you he'll be after me to!" I said

"Where are we gonna go?" She asked.

"I have a friend. We'll be safe at his house for a While until we figure out what to do" I said "get a shower, get some sleep. We have an early start"

No one's POV

Seth had realized Piper was gone. His apartment was a wreck from his destroying everything she owned in a blind rage. "FIND HER" he yelled. "sir we don't even know where she could have gone!" Joey Mercury yelled back.

Seth looked around at the rubble and noticed a small notebook. Pipers address book. Opening it he saw a name he recognized. "Roman? She's friends with Roman?! How did you not know this?" He yelled.

"Sir I don't invade people's privacy!" Joey said.

"Well maybe you should START!!" Seth said pointing his finger into Joey's chest on the last word as he walked to the kitchen island. Joey rolled his eyes at how childish Seth was being.

"What's so important about this girl anyway?" Joey asked.

"She is the key to time!" Seth yelled "right now all I can do is bend it. If time is unlocked there is no limit as to what I can do!" Seth said, his tone growing more irritated. Joey still rolled his eyes. Greed. That's all this was about was Seth's own greed.

Piper's POV

I was so incredibly glad Roman had let me in. I almost didn't think he would. I brought a few things with me for the night. If he hadn't let me in I hadnt figured out what i was gonna do but thankfully I didn't have have to cross that bridge. I went into the bathroom to get a shower, taking my shampoo and other toiletries out of my bag along with a set of pajamas, took my hair out of the pony tail I had and turned the water on. I stepped in the shower feeling the hot water flow over my aching muscles and relaxed into it. The heat felt good. Being able to clean myself felt good.

Flashback

"Did I say you could shower?" Seth yelled.

"I'm sorry I just wanted to be clean! I've worked all day and I'm sticky and sweaty!" I sobbed.

Seth pulled his hand back and slapped me across the face "you can bathe when I say you can! Do I make myself clear?!" He yelled , walking out of the room.

I fell to the floor, my head in my hands trying to hold myself together. The torment this man has put me through was beyond inhumane and I had to get out of here.

End flashback

I remembered a lot of things I would rather forget. The shower washed away the dirt but not the horrible memories. I heard a knock on the door and jumped "Piper? Are you ok?" Roman asked.

"I'm fine!" I yelled back.

"I'm gonna be in the other shower so make yourself comfortable when you're done!" He yelled.

"Thank you!" I yelled back.

Romans POV

I wanted to run in there and scoop her up not caring that she was naked but after what she had just been through I knew it was a Bad idea. Piper was beautiful. How Seth could treat her so horribly I would never understand but Seth has always been hot headed and greedy.

Being his former partner I knew things about him no one else did and that gave me and by association Piper and advantage over him.

I went and got my shower And grabbed the towel off the rack, wrapping it around my waist and walked out into the hallway. I saw Piper in the kitchen looking in the fridge in nothing but a towel. I tried not to stare but it left little to the imagination. Piper was beautiful. Curves, flawless skin, beautiful big brown eyes. I would love to see more. She looked up from the fridge and stared back at me also in Nothing but a towel and bit her lip "like what you see baby?" I smirked.

"Yes! I mean no i-" she stammered "I should go. I'll see you in the morning. She said walking to her room and shutting the door.

I could kick myself right now "good job idiot! Probably scared her off!" I mumbled leaning against the wall. I sighed heavily "I should get some sleep! Maybe things will be better in the morning"

I laid down in bed and shut the light off.

"Roman" I heard a woman's voice whispering and at first thought I was dreaming. "Roman" I opened my eyes And saw Piper had the bed side lamp on in the room "Piper? Are you ok?" I asked.

"I can't sleep. I don't feel safe sleeping alone. Can I sleep in here with you?" She asked. Without hesitation I pulled the cover back for her. She didn't try anything she must've just needed someone else's presence in the room. What the fuck did Seth do to her?

Romans POV

I woke up the next morning with piper snuggled into me and my arm wrapped around her. Her hair was scattered all over her pillow and her face and I had t realized when she came in but she only had underwear and and a top on. She really felt safe with me. I don't know what Seth had done to her but whatever it was it must've been awful.

I slowly pulled my arm off her as not to wake her and got out of bed. I grabbed a pair of sweatpants out of the drawer And headed down stairs to make breakfast. It was gonna be small because we had to leave soon but it would at least be enough to get food in our stomachs.

I grabbed some eggs, bacon, sausage, and hash browns and decided to make breakfast burritos. Quick, eatable on the go. Perfect! I finished cooking and made the burritos and went to wake up piper but she was already at the bottom step when I reached it "good morning" she yawned "I smelled food!"

"Yeah I made breakfast burritos!" I smiled holding up a plate with some on it. "A man that can cook? That's hot?" She winked at me. I made a Mental note.

"We need to get dressed and head out soon" I said.

"What's the rush? If they were gonna find me here wouldn't they have by now?" She asked.

"Seth is sneaky and he'll make you think he doesn't know when he Actually does" I said

"Yeah I know" she said looking away. She put the burrito down "im not hungry anymore. I should go get ready"

When I find out what all that bastard did to her I'll tear him limb from limb myself!

Piper's POV

When Roman said Seth was sneaky it triggered bad memories. Things I thought I had buried but it seemed they were coming back to the surface. Things that would awaken horrible things inside of me that I never wanted to come back. The pain i felt from remember became to much and I stated sobbing uncontrollably.

I heard the door fly open and out of reflex I jumped because the room wasn't what it was before. It wasn't until I heard Romans voice that I realized he wasn't Seth and I wasn't going to get beat.

His strong Arms wrapped Around me "it's ok baby girl! I'm here! Shhh you're safe!" His words soothing and as deep as his voice was it made my body relax.

"Hey I know this may be a lot to ask but what happened with Seth? If you don't wanna talk about it it's fine and I'll be here when your ready" he said gently rubbing my back.

I sighed heavily "I saw him murder the servant girl because she protected me. I was under the bed but she told him I was with you. He picked her up by her hair and in last act of defiance she spit in his face. He told her she'd never know if I was safe or not and snapped her neck and threw her to the side before walking out of the room. How he didn't think to look under the bed I'll never know but after he left I got out of there and ran here"

"Piper I'm so sorry! I had no idea" he said hugging me.

"There's more... A lot more I'm just not ready yet" I said.

He leaned in and kissed my forehead "when you are I'll be here" he smiled at me.

Romans POV

In that moment I wanted to kiss her so bad but she was vulnerable and I wasn't gonna take Advantage of her. Eventually I would tell her how I felt but right now wasn't the time. I don't know how, why or when I fell in love with her but I had and seeing her cry because of Seth broke my heart. I wanted to protect her but I couldn't.

The sound of glass shattering broke me from my thoughts. A brick landed in the floor with a note. I picked it up and read it "I see you!"

"We have to go NOW!" I said running to my room and grabbing my bag and shoving everything I could into it. Piper had done the same before running down the hall "Roman where are we gonna go? There's literally no where!"

"There is!" I smiled "you see this?" I pointed to the ring on my finger "watch!"

I stuck my hand out and spun my Arm in a circle creating a portal "go! It's ok" Piper looked at me hesitantly but went through as I followed right behind her before closing the portal. The sound of honking busses and taxis filled out ears "where are we?" Piper asked.

"London!" I smiled "welcome to the UK!"

She smiled back at me "it's beautiful! How did you do that?"

"An old friend taught me" I smiled "speaking of which we're late to meet him! Come on, let's go!"

She followed close behind me walking up the steps of what looked like an old office building "this place looks deserted! Are you sure this is where we're going?" She asked.

"If we're trying to hide from someone do you really think drawing attention to ourselves is a good idea?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Point taken" she said

"Roman! Hello my old friend!" I je as Rd a familiar voice say.

"Steven!" I said giving him a hug.

"And who is this lovely young lady!" He smiled.

"This is Piper. The one I told you about" I said

"Pleasure to meet you Piper" he said giving her a hug. His cloak also hugged her freaking her out a little bit "does the cloak always do that?" She asked.

"The cloak of levitation is a finiky thing. The fact that it hugged you is a good sign!" Steven smiled. "Come we have much to discuss!"

He led us down a long hallway to another part of the building. The kitchen is in there if you're hungry but the staff have dinner ready usually around 630pm. Breakfast is at 730am and lunch is at 1230pm" he said

"A schedule? I like it!" Piper said.

"The staff will show you to your room or rooms whichever you prefer" he smiled.

"Room" we both said at the same time.

Steven smiled a knowing smile "very well"

His staff led us up the stairs and to a room with an old wooden door "Dr strange will see yoi downstairs in 45 minutes, to go e you enough time to get comfortable and any other activities you require"

I looked at piper and winked. Her face got bright red. The butler walked away before we walkes into the bedroom together and sat down on the bed. She looked at me with a smile. I cleared a strand of hair out of her face before resting my hand on her face, rubbing her cheek with my thumb. Without even thinking I leaned in and kissed her and she immediately kissed me back. I pulled her onto my lap, running my hands down her back and grabbing her ass. She moaned into the kiss before reaching for my bun and releasing it letting my hair fall down. She seemed to like my hair down better because she grabbed a handful and deepened our kiss. *Knock knock* the sound at the door made us pull apart instantly "who is it?" I asked

"Sir Dr strange will see you now" the butler said.

I looked at piper "we'll finish this later" I said giving her one last kiss and putting my hair back into its bun. She got off my lap and I got up before yelling to the butler "tell Steven we're in our way down!"

[oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat]

DarkSides Family AU - Uncle Roman

So, someone in the tags wanted me to add Uncle Roman content. Yes, I saw that. I always read the tags. Y'all make me smile.

Features some side mention of Patton, Emile, and Logan as well. But mostly about Uncle Roman.

OH, and trigger/content warning: mention of past child abuse (be careful y'all, not very descriptive tho), mention of sexual organ (it's Remus being Remus)

It's a few months after Virgil is officially adopted that he meets Roman

Remus has mentioned a twin brother a few times before, saying how he's always busy as a Broadway actor & occasional playwright, so not surprising that it takes so long to actually meet him

There's also the point of Virgil not being comfortable enough to meet him until months later anyway, so it panned out well in that case

Plus, Virgil's only other interaction with an 'uncle' was from his birth family and that went horribly (the uncle got thrown into jail, thank god) (dumb little uncle man, evil b*tch)

Anyway, though Virgil knows his current family is NOTHING like his birth family, he still feels anxious about meeting Roman

Both parents decide to take a day off from work (Janus has no urgent case, though he'd easily drop one for his spouse and son) and drive almost an hour to visit Roman

Roman has a break between plays, and invites them over cause he really wants to meet his nephew (like omg, his twin has a SON, omg I want to meet him)

It'd been Virgil who mentioned wanting to meet Roman, after Remus mentioned him inviting them all over for a day, and they all agreed to go together

So yeah, the drive up felt a little anxious for their son, but they distracted him by playing his fav music CD on the radio thing

They also were making fun of a particularly dumb plaintiff from a past case and Virgil couldn't help but snicker at the dumb-dumb's ignorance to basic laws

Like Janus says something like "Literally one of my easiest cases, they were so f*cking dumb." And of course, Remus cackles at that and Virgil snorts

And yeah, they help ease Virgil's worries (they already know a good portion of what his birth family did to him cause it was in his case file, and God did they want to kill them and Virgil's so-called uncle, that perverted bastard)

Side Note: Roman lives alone with a German Shepard dog named Liv (she is very cute and a cuddle-bug and actually pretty good around kids)

Anyway, Virgil's nerves slowly trickle back in as they pull up to this kinda bigger fancy house Roman lives in (what, is he rich or something?? Like wtf, it looks so dramatic for a house)

Remus and Janus take notice as they all exit the car, and they pull their son aside and tell him that they can leave at any time if he needs them to, like you're more important, okay? We love you and want to keep you safe, and although Roman IS safe, we'll go if you feel uncomfy around him (which makes Virgil want to cry cause he's still getting used to being cared for so he just settles for a nod instead, not trusting his own voice)

Janus hooks a finger with Virgil, keeping a firm hold so he knows he's there as a way to reassure his son

Remus goes up to the door, doesn't even knock, and just yells "HEY MF, OPEN THE DOOR B*TCH." which Virgil finds amusing as Janus sighs (in a fond way, of course)

Roman appears as he opens the door, an annoyed look there for a brief second before caving in and hugging his twin, saying a "Nice to see you too, you gremlin of a sibling."

Yeah, they're definitely siblings

And Virgil can see how they're twins, though appearances were a little different: Roman had no facial hair but they both shared brown curls and a wonder-filled gleam in their eyes and though Remus had a streak of white, Roman and them shared almost the same face shape (honestly, they probably pulled very believable twin pranks as kids, seeing as how similar they looked and seemed)

Roman's smile was warm, unlike Virgil's jailed birth uncle, and that put a little ease for the anxious boyo

As Janus and Virgil came up the steps, Roman let go of his sibling and greeted them two

He gave Janus a welcoming pat on the shoulder and asked him how things were going

Then Janus put calming hands on Virgil's shoulders and introduced him to Roman, which went like "Roman, this is our son, Virgil. Your nephew." And Virgil kind stood there awkwardly and gave the smallest wave hi

Roman's eyes lit up as soon as he saw the kid, excited to finally get to meet him, and gave a big grin and welcomed him

After a few minutes of basic catching up, they all went into Roman's house, and Virgil decided that this guy was definitely wealthy to some degree bc who tf has a like a million broom closets under their stairs?? Like why is there so many-

They all migrate to the living room and chill on the couches (yes plural, who owns this many couches?), and continue chatting

Roman sits on one of them alongside his twin, and Virgil sits on a different one near a corner by Janus (Janus is now holding Virgil's pointer finger in his own and Virgil appreciates the small gesture)

After a little bit, Janus decides to mention their son's school accomplishments like the proud dad he is

Like "Yeah, Virgil here has an A in algebra. He's very smart." Or even a "he likes art, and he's really good with comic stuff." and Virgil kinda blushes slightly in embarrassment at each compliment and cause of the attention on him

And yus, Remus joins in boasting about their son like "yes my son is very artistic and cool." And also like "he knows many things, and I taught him how to deck a b*tch if they ever get too close."

Side Note: at some point, after that whole bully situation (mentioned in the first post), Janus & Remus taught Virgil self-defense n sh*t

Roman makes a joke about him being a nerd and that he knows more than one now, which kinda makes Virgil uncomfy slightly, but Remus notices and shoots a quick glare at their brother like "stop that sh*t before I pummel you into a dickless form of agony" and Roman understands (kind of?) idk, he stops with the nerd jokes after that

Roman mutters a "sorry kid" and mentions how he knows someone that is very smart like that, like with math and stuff; thus he tells Virgil about his friend Logan who is an inspiring astronomer but currently works as a teacher at a high school, and how Logan was also smart even as a kid, and Remus laughs and is like "oh yeah, I picked on him all the time, that little smartass." And Roman kinda is like "lmao we both did, idk how he managed to tolerate us." And Janus silently knows the answer to that cause it's the same reason he himself married Remus and stayed friends with Roman: all thanks to love cause you just can't help but love the two chaotic twins

Side Note: Logan is a single dad to a pair of siblings, Patton and Emile, who were about a year apart in age but were a little younger than Virgil was, and he does his best as a single parent and his kids seem to love him all the same; Logan doesn't yearn for a partner, he's literally aro/ace, but sometimes he wishes for a co-parent or help now and then

Anyway, Virgil feels better at the mention of someone smart like him and the good memories the twins share, seeing the twins share memories and laugh with each other makes him smile a little bit

Some time passes and it's almost dinner time, so Roman offers to order pizza or something cause he was gonna have pizza anyway, and then three are like "yeah sure, why not" (Virgil is okay with staying a little longer since Roman has been pretty nice so far; plus free pizza)

Yeah, and as pizza is being delivered to Roman's place, Remus gets up to go piss or something, leaving Janus and Virgil with Roman

But then Janus gets a call from work and needs to step out for a sec, and looking to Virgil he says "I need to take this, are you gonna be okay with Roman for a few minutes, darling? I can always wait until Rem gets back." But Virgil shakes his head no and says it's fine, it's only a few minutes and Janus hesitates but is like "okay, but pls hollar if you need us, okay?" And Vi is like "okay" and Janus leaves to step outside and takes the phone call

Virgil didn't miss the grumbling Janus made before picking up the phone and going outside (he muttered something about "istg someone better be dying, this is my day off, like just let me be, b*tch")

And now Virgil half-regrets doing that cause he's in a room alone with an adult he doesn't know a whole lot and it almost feels similar to his birth uncle but not entirely cause at least Roman sits on the other side of the living room, at least there's that; you're fine Virgil, as long as he stays over there you're fine; and yeah, some anxiety starts to trickle in yet again

But then Roman does something Virgil doesn't expect, and says "I know you probably don't like being alone with someone you don't know, but I just wanna say that I'm glad I got to meet you and that I just want to make you feel comfy while you're here." which is surprising because hey, maybe he's not so bad, he's being kind at least

Virgil relaxes a little at that but not by much, and Roman notices so he gets an idea, and he whistles

Virgil is very confused until he sees a dog walking in, wagging her tail

Virgil's eyes light up at the sight of a cute little doggo, and Roman is very glad he has Liv

"Her name's Liv, btw. She likes kids." Roman says, as Liv spots Virgil and walks to him and sniffs him

Liv rubs her head against Virgil's hand so he pets her, and he does pet her and lets out a small giggle at the dog cause he f*cking loves dogs

And of course Roman is like "omg my nephew is adorable, I love him already, kskwsidks" with a little side thought of "God damnit, I sound like little Patton lmao"

And yeah, Virgil eases up a lot with Liv around him, and Liv decided to lay down with Virgil and cuddles him (which makes Virgil laugh again cause yus doggo is cuddling, so cute, yus, she is a good pupper, omg yusss)

Roman is glad to know Liv calms Virgil's nerves down (maybe Virgil would do good with an ESA?)

After a few minutes, Remus returns to see the cute scene of Virgil smiling at a cuddly dog and Roman chatting idly with his nephew (though Virgil only gives small answers here and there)

Remus is happy to see their son relaxed and comfy around their brother

Janus' call goes for a little bit longer than he originally thought, and it kinda irritates him cause he just wants to see if Virgil is doing okay with Roman or not, but this mf on the other end won't shut up like omg no one cares, Janus isn't gonna take a case on his day off, f*ck that sh*t

After his phone call, he goes back into the living to see Remus sitting with Liv and Virgil, a content aura in the room as the twins chat away again and Virgil chimes in a few times as well

That makes him smile and his foul mood is nearly gone

But he still just wants his partner so he plops down next to Remus and immediately leans his head against him

Remus understands and combs a gentle hand through the attorney's hair, getting a content hum from their husband

Yeah and the visit goes good from there and they have pizza and a good time

When they leave after dinner, Virgil feels a little sad saying goodbye to Liv but also to Roman, cause Romans turned out to be okay and generally safe

As they all say goodbye n stuff, Virgil surprises them (even himself) and gives Roman a quick little hug before heading to the car

And Roman kinda cries cause Remus and Janus mentioned Virgil not being touchy but he was okay with giving his uncle a quick hug, so yeah now Roman is crying cause that means Virgil feels safe with him on some level

Remus teases him like "bro you're so dramatic lmao" and Roman is like "f*ck off, he's so awesome, I love him already, he hugged me omg" and yeah Roman is a sensitive boi

Eventually the fam leaves and while in the car, Virgil blurts something out about liking Liv and that "eh, Roman was alright ig" even though they all know Virgil was okay with Roman and was just putting up a little front cause he be like that (blame trauma and trust issues, I'm going to murder that damn evil birth uncle of his, istg, cue author rage)

Side Note: Roman is still geeking out over his nephew cause he loves him so much, even well after they all left

Yep, I love Uncle Roman <3

There ya go, y'all. Wholesome interactions. I really like this au, so I'll probably write more about it.

[gabeorelse]

Not going anonymous cause I wanted to say hi over here officially!

I haven’t gotten the chance to ask you about your work yet! Tell me about your current WIP. What is it about, who are the protagonist(s) and the villain(s), what is your biggest inspiration behind it?

Hi!!! Nice to meet you :D I don't know if I ever introduced myself officially other than yelling at your posts but I go by Gabe (hey/they but either is fine!). Thank you for the ask!! So I actually have two wips at the moment - one is a high fantasy with horror and science fiction elements, and the other is a literary fiction with magical realism elements. I'll talk mostly about the first but I might give in and ramble a bit about the second because that's what I'm working on actively atm.

SO. My most recent WIP, which on my blog is called Empire of Death, is about an empire very loosely (VERY loosely) based on the Roman empire, wherein the upper class command necromantic powers by way of controlling eldritch gods.

The way this works: once, eldritch gods ruled, then a man rose up and defeated them. Of the two main gods, who were partners sharing the powers of life/death, he killed one and forced the other to give him his powers. From then on, he used these powers to expand his rule. Necromancy comes from these godly powers, but it's more like life/death manipulation. I'll try not to get into the worldbuilding too much, but a lot of the horror elements come from consuming: people consume godsblood to get necromancy, priests consume the flesh of gods to perform certain magicks, etc.

Several hundred years later, the emperor's line is ending and the entire empire is unstable/in slow decline. Valeria Atalusco, the last of the imperial line in a world where no woman has ever taken the throne, announces that she will attend the Thaedycrux, which is THE college dedicated to the top necromancers. Her goal is to eventually take the throne. It's an opportunistic thing; her brother, the true heir, just died, and she's kind of panicking because now SHE carries the bloodline powers.

Meanwhile, Adriel is a nobody in the empire: he's a 'diumo' (nonbinary), and part of a religious minority that the empire basically swallowed up. He would rather forget everything that makes him different, but his brother became a radical rebel (he thinks) and was arrested and sentenced to an eternal sentence in the imperial legions. So he hates the empire, but he also hates the rebels. It's complicated, and even more so considering he only gets by because his brother's mentor, Galeo Casaro, has kind of looked out for him.

But Galeo has a plan: see, he's a politician, but he's also part of a cult dedicated to bring back the VERY violent rule of the eldritch gods. So Galeo has been working with the two main gods who once ruled as a couple: one is enslaved by the imperial line, their soul passed down through each heir (So now it's in Valeria), and he's managed to get his hands on the other. He recruited Adriel's brother into his cult and planned to plant this soul into his body, then raise him through the ranks to overthrow the imperial line and take back the other god, but things went wrong, Adriel wound up (unknowingly) with the god's soul, and now Galeo is scrambling. He puts together a plan: send Adriel to this college under some lame pretext, and manipulate Adriel into winning Valeria over. He's been communicating with the god inside Adriel, who has assured him that they will take care of the finer details.

(This is so horribly confusing, I'm sorry.)

So if you're keeping track: Adriel's brother was not actually a rebel, but the empire blamed the rebels when he + Galeo got his hands on the soul of the god (the rebels do show up later lmao). Adriel and Valeria are possessed by two gods in love, and Galeo has manipulated them into the same place so that Adriel's god will take control of the situation and rescue Valeria's god. Adriel just wants to undo his brother's sentence, and Galeo has assured him that if he wins Valeria over to his side, she will definitely do that (yeah, right).

So what you have: a wild fake dating situation in which neither Adriel nor Valeria knows about the actual plan, which to be fair, is covered up by about three different other plans. Am I insane? Maybe. Galeo thinks he's in control, but Adriel's god is more in the 'I'll do whatvever the fuck I want to get my partner back' vibe. It's very weird, gory, violent, and according to those who have read parts....funny?

My inspirations: Gideon the Ninth is a huge one for me, but also a recent book I read called The West Passage (which I highly recommend if you love reading really weird stuff). In terms of political stuff, I've been inspired by Dune, Game of Thrones, and a lot of nonfiction too. I also am a huge fan of horror, so the more horror-y aspects come from some of my favorite horror aficionados like Mike Flanagan and some of Ari Aster's stuff.

Also I won't talk about my second WIP because this got WAY too long and I feel like I just dug a very deep, confusing hole with no way out, but I hope it all makes sense!! And thank you so much for the ask, I really appreciate it :D If you need a shorter, blurb type thing, I think I have one as my pinned post which probably makes way more sense.

[ariel-seagull-wings]

FICTIONAL CHARACTER ASK: GONZO THE GREAT

(Asked by popular vote on the polls)

@princesssarisa @salieri27 @softlytowardthesun @moonbeamelf @the-blue-fairie @themousefromfantasyland @fragglesesamemuppetz2 @angelixgutz @silverfoxstole @amalthea9 @anne-white-star @mx-piggy @butchlesbianwulfric @longagoitwastuesday @ardenrosegarden @parxsisburning @lioness--hart @lord-antihero

Favorite Thing About Them: I love the subtle journey they went from a lonely, frustrated performance artist resenting their audience, constantly melancholic due to being rejected in their romantic pursuits several times, to do their daredevil performances mainly to make themselves happy and becoming proud of their weirdness to the point that they gain an atractive sense of humour and confidence.

Also, they are probably the most versatile actor of the Muppet Theater, alternating between heroic and villanous roles with no difficulty.

Least Favorite Thing About Them: That they doesn't have a proper conversation with his chicken girlfriend, Camilla, to let clear if they want to pursue an open polyamorous relationship or if they want to be comited to her in a monogamous relationship.

Three Things I Have In Common With Them:

* I adore the color blue;

* I enjoy classic literature and music;

* I am going trough a journey to learn how to handle my frustration in a healthier way;

Three Things I Don't Have In Common With Them:

* I'm not dating a chicken;

* I'm not a daredevil who does dangerous stunts;

* I never worked as a plumber;

Favorite Line:

From The Muppet Show:

"Gonzo: Kermit, are you busy?

Kermit: Yes, Gonzo, but I can give you my ear for a moment

Gonzo: What would I do with your ear?

Kermit: Van Gogh impressions."

"Kermit: Gonzo! Have you no dignity?

Gonzo: Of course not! How long have we worked together? "

"Gonzo fiddles while George burns! "

"Madeline Kahn: And if there's anything I can ever do for you...

Gonzo:There is one thing.

Madeline Kahn: What?

Gonzo: Let me finish my song. "

"You wanna go to a movie, or grab a stake? "

"Ladies and gentlemen! I will once again defy death and good taste! "

"Camilla, you're sweeter than wine or vanilla, Camilla.

Come lie beneath this tree, it's a willa, Camilla.

Camilla, the night it grows stilla and stilla, Camilla.

You're prettier by far than Godzilla, Camilla."

From The Muppets Go to The Movies:

"Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to see the great Dudley Moore, in a colossal widescreen Roman epic! Lions attack innocent people. Slaves suffer public humiliation. Gladiators fight to the death. I've never laughed so much in all my life.  Roll film! "

From Muppets Tonight:

"We're the Muppets! Doing a bizarre musical number that no one wants to see is what we're all about!"

"Clifford: Gonzo, why do you need a rocket just to jump over chickens?

Gonzo: I give up, Clifford. Why do you need a rocket just to jump over chickens?

Clifford: No man, it's not a joke.

Gonzo: You're telling me, you should see my insurance premiums!"

"The Artist Formerly Known as Prince: You got the ugliest dog I-a ever did see! Wadda call it?

Gonzo: Well, before we painted it brown and glued ears on 'im, we called it an alligator."

"Gonzo: As many of you know, Muppets Tonight has been on the air for over 3.000 years!

Rizzo: That's not right!

Gonzo: Well, I'm aproximating."

From the Muppet Babies episode Dental Hyjinks:

"It must have been horrible! The pain! The suffering! Tells us all about it!"

This dialogue exchange with Baby Piggy from the Muppet Babies episode Gonzo's Video Show:

"Baby Gonzo: Have no fear, my sweet princess. Gonzolo is here!

Baby Piggy: Gonzolo?

Baby Gonzo: Who did they expect, Captain Kirk? Lets get em' boys!"

From the Muppet Babies Star Comic Books of the 1980s:

"Baby Piggy: Gonzo, you're weird!

Baby Gonzo: Aw, Piggy... you're just flattering me!"

"Oh Piggy, I'll be your knight in shining armor! Ow! No armor! Gonzo the Brave needs no armor!"

"You look like a famous queen, My Queen!"

This dialogue exchange with Scooter in the comic book The Muppet Show: Meet The Muppets:

"Scooter: Gonzo... I have to ask you something. It's driving me nuts. Tell me... please...  What the heck are you?

Gonzo: Oh, Scooter. I tought you knew. I'm an artist."

This dialogue exchange with Fozzie and Kermit in The Muppet Movie:

"Gonzo: Well, I want to go to Bombay, India and become a movie star.

Fozzie: You don't to go to Bombay to become a movie star! You go where we we're going: Hollywood.

Gonzo: Sure, if you want to do it the *easy* way."

"There's not a word yet

For old friends who've just met

Part heaven, part space

Or have I found my place

You can just visit

But I plan to stay

I'm going to go back there

Someday

I'm going to go back there

Someday"

From the movie The Great Muppet Caper:

"It's okay, I landed on my head!"

"Gonzo: STOP THE PRESSES!!

News Editors: Why? What happened?

Gonzo: I don't know. I just always wanted to say that."

"Kermit: I don't know why the cabs won't stop.

Gonzo: Just leave it to me. TAXIIIIII!

Kermit: AAH!... uh, that's very effective!"

Gonzo: Yeah, it's great when it works!"

"Yeah, well, photography's an art. You gotta have the right film, you gotta have the right exposure, and you gotta scream just before they get the food to their mouth."

This dialogue exchanges they have with Rizzo in The Muppets Christmas Carol:

"Gonzo: I know the story of A Christmas Carol like the back of my hand!

Rizzo: Prove it!

Gonzo: Alright. Um... There's a little mole on my tumb... and a scar on my wrist from when I fell off my bicycle."

"Rizzo: I fell down the chimney and landed on a flaming, hot goose.

Gonzo: You have all the fun."

This dialogue exchanges in the movie Muppet Treasure Island:

"Billy Bones: Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim! You've always been a decent sort to old Billy Bones.

Gonzo: I'm not Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim. *He's* Jimmy-Jim-Jimmy-Jim-Jim-Jim-Jim."

"Gonzo: It just feels so weird.

Rizzo: You mean that Mr. Arrow's dead?

Gonzo: Yeah, that... and my pants are  filled with starfish.

Rizzo: You and your hobbies!"

From the movie Muppets from Space:

"Noah: What are you, anyway?

Gonzo: Oh, uh, good question. Now technically speaking, uhh, let's say, put me down as a... 'Whatever'?"

"Gonzo: Now we can go meet my alien brothers at Cape Doom.

Kermit: Uh, what makes you think that aliens are landing there, Gonzo?

Gonzo: Oh, a sandwich told me."

"Come on, fellas. Take me to my leader."

"Ubergonzo: Gonzo, by surviving and thriving on this alien planet, you have proven yourself audacious, courageous, and distinctly one-of-a-kind. We welcome you back with our most ceremonious of ceremonies.

Gonzo: What's that?

Ubergonzo: We gonna blow you up, baby."

"Gonzo: What a great day.

Kermit: Mm-hmm.

Gonzo: That was probably the best day of my whole life. There's just one thing I still don't understand.

Kermit: What's that, Gonzo?

Gonzo: Why did they ask me to build a jacuzzi?"

From the 2015 ABC mockumentary sitcom the muppets.:

"Hey there! I'm Gonzo! Head writer on Up Late With Miss Piggy... I'm a pisces, I love long walks on the beach, volcanoes, leather, straps... Wait a minute!! Leather straps?! Who put my dating profile on the prompter?!"

"Gonzo: Christina Applegate brought a hilarious clip of Piggy. I knew you wouldn't aprove it, so I went over your head.

Kermit: I'm the boss.

Gonzo: Oh, that's right. So I went behind your back."

"Gonzo: I'm going to call it of, cause I don't want to be a sell out. It's not because I'm scared or anything.

Kermit: But, um, still. If you were scared, it would be okay.

Gonzo: But I'm not.

Kermit: But if you were.

Gonzo: But I'm not.

Kermit: But if you were.

Gonzo: But I'm not.

Kermit: But if you were.

Gonzo: A little bit.

Kermit: I know."

brOTP: Kermit the Frog, Robin Frog, Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Rowlf the Dog, Scooter, Skeeter, Animal, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew, Beaker, Sweetums, Sam the Eagle, Rizzo the Rat, Yolanda the Rat, Pepe the Prawn King, Statler and Waldorf, Clifford, Bobo the Bear.

OTP: Beautifull Day Monster, Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Rowlf the Dog, Skeeter, Rizzo the Rat, Camilla the Chicken.

nOTP: Madeline Kahn.

Random Headcanon: The background story of Gonzo's arrival on Earth has similarities with the japanese manga and anime shonen hero Kinnikuman, who is a comedic character inspired by Superman and Ultraman: in that manga the hero's father trows accidentally him aways out of the spaceship after mistaking him with a piglet that entered the spaceship during a brief visit to Earth.

In the case of Baby Gonzo, they were accidentally replaced with a baby turkey. Nanny was the one who found and adopted Gonzo, and as they grew up, Gonzo was the last Muppet to leave Nanny's house to take care of her as she got old, getting a job to survive as a plumber with an neighboring indian imigrant who introduced Gonzo to Indian Cinema. That was how Gonzo got the dream to become a performer in Bombay.

Unpopular Opinion: I think Gonzo's status as a Whatever wouldn't be erased if their status as an alien had remained legitimate after the idea was presented in the Muppet Babies cartoon series and  the movie Muppets from Space. Because while the other aliens have similar physical appearances and share with some interests with Gonzo (like cannons), they didn't have the formative experiences that Gonzo had living on Earth among Muppets and Humans: loving Earth's food, Earth's literature, Earth's clothes, Earth's music genres, Earth's performance art. The Muppet Babies picture story book What Is a Gonzo? presented this point pretty well, when Baby Gonzo crossed a mirror to find a world where all the people had the same face as them, yet who, just like their friends in our world, asked themselves what Gonzo was. At the end of the story, they go to an inventor, Professor Garbonzo, who created a machine called the Onzometer that answers all questions, and when Gonzo asks what they are, the machine answers: "You are Gonzo. Isn't that enough?".

Gonzo can brush their teeth and sing the Itsy Bitsy Spider song at the same time, they like tuna fish sandwiches with ketchup, they can blow a bubble shaped like a peperoni pizza. All those characteristics make them unique, both among aliens and earthlings, so their proud status as a queirky, weird whatever is not treatened with the idea that the character may have outer space alien origins.

Song I Associate With Them:

Nobody

Memory Lane

The Wishing Song

Won't Somebody Dance With Me?

Gonzo's Song

Jamboree

Act Naturally

My Way

I'm Going to Go Back There Someday

Favorite Picture of Them:

With Beautifull Day Monster (in a wig) back when Gonzo was first introduced as Snarl the Cigar Box Frackle in 1970's The Great Santa Claus Switch:

The car and hammer performance act:

Balancing in a tight rope with the chickens:

Smashed:

As Rumpelstiltskin in Muppet Classic Theater:

Illustrations of The Muppet Show Book

As Guy of Gisbourne in the picture story book Muppet Robin Hood:

As Lancelot alongside Camilla as Guenevere in the comic book Muppets King Arthur:

As a baby playing with a pillow and blanket fort

[thenightling]

The anti-Wiccan ranting among some occultists and Neo Pagans is so self-righteous and all over social media and all their rants about how "problematic" it is are things true in ALL forms of Neo Paganism.

And don't get me started on those that start calling you ill-educated, or stupid for considering Wicca a flavor of Neo-Paganism.

It's like they think the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn were doing things precisely the way the Ancient Greeks were. There's a reason that "Neo" is there. It means "new." Whether you like it or not all forms of Neo Pagan religion are cobbled together from scraps or re-invented whole cloth and, whether they want to admit it or not, borrowing from each other.

You'll find Diana worshipers using Gaelic symbolism, Morpheus invocations using the poppy flower as a symbol in the summoning. (Morphine's connection to the God of Dreams is a nineteenth century invention), and you'll find Asatru followers arguing with Greco-Roman Pagans about which religion came up with werewolves first, usually the Asatru insisting their religion is the source (even though the very word lycanthrope comes from the Greek myth of king Lycaon of Arcadia).

It's weirdly fashionable to be anti-Wiccan because of some of the questionable people who have been tied to it like Gardner and Crowley. Crowley's biggest contribution was the spelling of Magic with a k to differentiate between illusion and occult practice. That man has a very questionable history but sometimes not-so-great people come up with good ideas. And a quick visual distinction between illusion and spell casting is convenient, no matter who invented it. "But Wiccans culturally appropriate!" Annnd? Name a religion that doesn't. Borrowing aspects of faith from open religions is not "appropriation."

If it's your faith you believe it to be true, you're not "stealing it." We don't call it appropriation when a scientist adopts another scientist's theory because it has logic that makes sense to him.

Just because it's popular to bash something and call it bad doesn't make it right. I do not agree with attacking aging hippies for following the "wrong" religion.

It's shameful and I think a lot of the people doing this aren't self-aware enough to realize they are behaving like the very oppressive "Christians" that may have once told them that they were Satanic and going to Hell for following the wrong religion.

Yes, Wicca is a "New" patchwork quilt of old folk beliefs but that shouldn't offend you by their merely existing.

I have news for you. This is true with most religions and this is especially true with Neo Paganism. It's part of why there are so many Astru bigots, because the version INVENTED (yes, invented) in the late nineteenth century and later adopted by some World War 2 Nazis was cobbled together by a bigot.

And though it might anger you to consider Wicca to be a form of Neo Paganism, it is. Its conception is very similar to how most Neo Paganism was shaped a century earlier. Most true Ancient Pagan practices have been lost to history. It's all reinvention or borrowings now.

Stop looking for religions to hate. It's like watching the Pagan equivalent of "I'm Protestant and those Catholics are NOT Christians! Look at all the horrible things they've done as a collective. We've never done anything bad ever as a collective group!"

And then in a special kind of cognitive dissonance, you get the ones who don't like Wicca for the "Harm none" rule and think calling them the "Fluffy bunny of Paganism" is the great Gotchya to shame them. It's so strange to me.

[twoidiotwriters1]

The Curse of Oenone (Leo Valdez xFem!Oc)

A/N: LAST TWO WEEKS LET'S GOOO -Danny Words: 2,109 Series' Masterlist Previous Chapter // Next Chapter Listen to: 'Close Behind' -by Noah Kahan

LVIII: I Gotta Work a Lot Because Otherwise How Could I Afford Being Stupid?

"Blue Beetle and Spider-man would be best friends but only if they were both teenagers, Peter is like thirty-something now—"

"I thought we were discussing hypotheticals? I obviously mean teen Peter, I don't think adult Peter hangs out with kids—"

"Adult Peter hangs out with kids in a depressing way," Ara interrupts the conversation. "Look."

Percy spots the gods. "Yeah, that's definitely Apollo. I'll wait for you—good luck."

"Thanks, Nemo," Ara reaches for Leo's hand and takes him away.

"Your brother's acting pretty chill about this," Leo mentions as they go down the hillside. "More than you."

"Because I'm not the one with a death sentence..."

"Still," he shrugs. "He lets you handle the sea serpents and asks for your advice on things, it's a big change."

She nods, feeling secretly pleased about it. "We've talked a lot about how we feel with this... straining. We've been doing quests since children, but even if I like it more than he does, I relate to some of his discomfort."

"You're more pertinent with the way you go off on it now," Leo teases her. "Last December you were telling the fates to suck it..."

"Yeah well, after they threw my friends to Tartarus in retaliation, I kind of took the hint," Ara wrinkles her nose.

"Don't shoot!" Leo raises his hands in surrender as they reach the amphitheater, holding Ara's too so she raises it as well.

"There you are," Apollo says miserably. "We were beginning to wonder."

"So you were expecting us, then," Leo keeps a straight face. "I can tell, because you're both so excited."

"We were expecting to be found, bothered and tormented," Apollo pouts, messing with the ukulele in his hands. "We didn't know by whom. Can you not leave us to our misery?"

"You know they can't, brother," Artemis scolds him. "They require our help with their quest, even if the odds are hopeless."

"You two are full of good cheer," Leo replies. "Why are you hiding out here anyway? Shouldn't you be... I dunno, fighting giants or something?"

"Delos is our birthplace," Artemis explains. "Here, we are unaffected by the Greek–Roman schism. Believe me, Leo Valdez, if I could, I would be with my Hunters, facing our old enemy Orion. Unfortunately, if I stepped off this island, I would become incapacitated with pain. All I can do is watch helplessly while Orion slaughters my followers. Many gave their lives to protect your friends and that accursed Athena statue."

"Orion is the one hunting them?" Ara steps forward. "If you consider I need to join their group—"

"The praetor and her crew are still standing, you don't need to derail from your current plan. You and Saggio..." Artemis eyes her with pride and notices the way Leo keeps his hand wrapped around Ara's, and then her expression falls slightly. "Rarely disappoint me. I wish I could say the same about my brother."

"You wrong me!" Apollo gasps in despair. "I was misled by Gaia and that horrible Roman child!"

"Octavian?" Ara raises a brow.

"Do not speak his name!" Apollo plays his ukulele angrily. "Oh, Arae Jackson, you've always been a great devotee, honoring me in so many ways..."

"And yet I haven't got your blessing," Ara points out. "But Octavian got it right away."

"He filled my head with compliments! He told me of the great temples he would build in my honor!"

"You are easily flattered, brother."

"Because I have so many amazing qualities to praise! Octavian said he wanted to make the Romans strong again. I said fine! I gave him my blessing."

"As I recall, he also promised to make you the most important god of the legion, above even Zeus," Artemis raises a brow.

"Well, who was I to argue with an offer like that? Does Zeus have a perfect tan? Can he play the ukulele? I think not! But I never thought Octavian would start a war! Gaia must have been clouding my thoughts, whispering in my ear."

"So fix it," Leo shrugs with no sympathy. "Tell Octavian to stand down. Or, you know, shoot him with one of your arrows. That would be fine, too."

"I cannot! Look!" The ukulele becomes a bow and Apollo uses it to shoot up into the sky. The arrow flares with a pathetic huff, like an explosive with little gunpowder. "To shoot my bow, I would have to step off Delos, then I would be incapacitated, or Zeus would strike me down. Father never liked me. He hasn't trusted me for millennia!"

"Well, to be fair, there was that time you conspired with Hera to overthrow him."

"That was a misunderstanding!"

"And you killed some of Zeus's Cyclopes."

"I had a good reason for that! At any rate, now Zeus blames me for everything—Octavian's schemes, the fall of Delphi—" 

"What's that about, sir?" Ara asks promptly.

Apollo goes back to playing a sad tune. "When the schism began between Greek and Roman, while I struggled with confusion, Gaia took advantage. She raised my old enemy Python, the great serpent, to repossess the Delphic Oracle. That horrible creature is now coiled in the ancient caverns, blocking the magic of prophecy. I am stuck here, so I can't even fight him."

"Bummer," Leo says, looking completely unbothered.

"Bummer indeed! Zeus was already angry with me for appointing that new girl, Rachel Dare, as my Oracle. Zeus seems to think I hastened the war with Gaia by doing so, since Rachel issued the Prophecy of Seven as soon as I blessed her. But prophecy doesn't work that way! Father just needed someone to blame. So of course he picked the handsomest, most talented, hopelessly awesome god."

"Mhm," Ara crosses her arms. "What about my prophecy? You revealed it to Percy before time, didn't you?"

Artemis's eyes widen. "Brother, is that true?"

"Oh, don't give me that look!" Apollo said. "You're in trouble, too!"

"Only because I stayed in touch with my Hunters against Zeus's wishes—But I can always charm Father into forgiving me, he's never been able to stay mad at me. It's you I'm worried about if what our child of Olympus is saying turns out true."

"I'm worried about me, too!" Apollo pouts. "We have to do something. We can't kill Octavian. Hmm. Perhaps we should kill these demigods."

"Whoa there, Music Man." Leo steps forward. "We're on your side, remember? Why would you kill us?"

"It might make me feel better! I have to do something!"

"That solution would be a quick fix with no lasting effects," Ara responds wittily. "You kill us, you secure Gaea's victory. We have a better offer: You give us what we need, and I'll help you deal with the Python."

"We've got this plan," Leo continues. "Hera and Nike said we should come to you and talk it over."

"We need the physician's cure," Ara cuts straight to the point.

"The physician's cure?" Apollo tosses his ukulele dramatically. "That's your plan? I cannot help you! If I told you the secret of the physician's cure, Zeus would never forgive me!"

"You're already in trouble," Leo frowns. "How could it get worse?"

"If you knew what my father is capable of, mortal, you would not ask. It would be simpler if I just smote you all. That might please Zeus—"

"Brother," Artemis scowls, they lock eyes and then Apollo groans and turns away sulking. The goddess gestures at Ara. "Strategus, there are things you should know about the Twelfth Legion. As for you, Leo Valdez, Apollo will hear you out. See if you can strike a deal. My brother always likes a good bargain."

"Valdez is hardworking and intelligent," Artemis tells her as they walk up the hillside. "But he's still a man. I'm not sure he's worth the trouble."

"If he's worth killing, he's worth saving," Ara responds stubbornly. "But I'd rather we stick to business, my lady."

Artemis nods. "Very well. Octavian has been busy, he's purchased six onagers and made alliances with monsters in Gaea's army."

Ara scowls. "He's working with Gaea?"

"He believes he's got control over them, but the moment the battle starts, they'll turn against him and kill all demigods in reach."

"Which won't be that many if those onagers go off first—and I'm assuming that's his plan?" Ara raises a brow. "Octavian doesn't look like an upfront fighter to me."

Artemis nods gravely. "I know the situation with your partner occupies your thoughts, but your duty will not cease until all threats are neutralized."

"I know. And even then, I don't think I'll have any breaks," Ara sighs.

Leo comes back with a weird look on his face.

"What?"

"I—uh, I got the goods," he shows her a small flower. "The curse of Delos. A daisy."

Ara tilts her head. "Interesting."

"You know that thing I've been building since you told me your prophecy?"

The girl frowns. "No?"

"It's that thing I've been tinkering with for ages. I never knew what I was doing, but every time we talked my hands would work on it like my gut was guiding me."

Ara has seen Leo tinker with stuff countless times... but she does remember him building something, it just didn't seem important at all. "Okay... so what was it?"

"An overcomplicated music box," Leo puts the flower in his tool belt and they go to find Percy. "I called it the Valdezinator, a super advanced instrument. Apollo was drooling over it in no time."

"But a music box is hardly a worthy bargain for the cure of death?"

Leo frowns. "My music box plays no Für Elise—it had a special melody."

Ara raises a brow, deciding not to tease Leo over the fact that he knows the bagatelle's name, he would make fun of her for knowing what a bagatelle is. "Which one?"

"The one you sing when you're healing people," Leo shrugs. "Apollo went nuts and demanded to have the instrument since it's his song."

"Huh. I guess he's right. But it's crazy, you got the cure of death by giving him something you already had at..." Her voice dies midsentence.

"I almost didn't give it to him," Leo admits bashfully, unaware of her change of tone. "It didn't sound like your voice, it was mechanical—for obvious reasons—but... well, it felt like it was healing something inside me. It felt like you."

"Oh, gods..." Ara feels dizzy. "That's what this is."

"What?" He blinks. "What are you talking about?"

"It's not a punishment or a prize to pay. The fates know our curse is inevitable, it made us their safest bet!"

Leo stares at her. "I'm not following."

Ara tries to explain better. "The fates don't want the world to end, right? So they took us and our curse and placed us into the plot to be of use. Once you die, the world won't end, and you also break your curse."

"But why would they care about my curse?" He scowls.

"They don't," she replies. "We're just practical—breaking the curse is an accidental perk for us."

The boy stares at her still frowning. "I don't get it."

"Yeah, you do," Ara smiles. "It's what you keep telling me. I shouldn't fight the curse—right now, having it is the only reason we've been given this chance. We're supposed to let it run its course, with only one small tweak. This time, we get the Physician's cure."

Leo starts to understand. "So you're saying the fates didn't expect us to save ourselves, they are using us because we can't?"

"Exactly! You don't make a toaster and hope for pancakes, you make a toaster because you want toast. You don't choose someone who's cursed because you want them to break free..."

"You want them to die," Leo finishes, his face shifting to an expression of understanding. "Right."

"This might or might not break our curse," Ara continues, gently reaching for his hand. "But we are forced to let it happen."

Leo looks at her. "So you'll trust my plan?"

Ara hugs him. "Absolutely not. But if there's a chance I can save you... I love you, and I know you don't stay in places for long," the girl cradles his face adoringly. "So I'm following your lead, that way I might get to keep you."

Leo's hair starts to smoke, he looks at her with the softest eyes ever and his pulse picks up on her fingertips. "I love you so much."

They hold a meeting, and no one is happy with what they hear.

"You just sold yourself to another quest and this one isn't even over," Percy scolds Ara.

"Listen, buddy, we both know Apollo would've enlisted me to do it anyway, at least now I can pretend it was my idea," the girl scoffs, sinking further in her seat.

"What about the legions?" Hazel asks worryingly. "I don't think we can get there fast enough, Ara, we should find a way to warn your camp..."

"You think they won't notice the massive onagers?" The girl raises a brow. "They know what they're facing, we just have to ensure they don't have to face it alone." Ara stands up and ends the meeting.

Next Chapter –>

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