#again i am STILL so behind on reading tagged fanfic and answering messages

[reputationbarbie]

❝i might just give you a bite.❞

part 1 of this fic

A/N: This is for my besties who don’t go out on Saturday nights but read fanfic in bed. Before we start this chapter, I will explain the AU a bit so it’s not confusing when you read this. The characters included will be mostly from TLOU2, so SPOILERS. Although there’s no outbreak, and it’s modern-day Joel, Sarah still dies. TLOU characters will be referenced (deaths, reasons they’re not around, etc.) The only person who is not the same age as they were at the end of TLOU are Joel and Tommy because I didn’t want to write a big age gap. They're still equally daddy tho. So characters: mainly TLOU 2, but Joel and Tommy are a bit younger. This also hasn't been edited, so ignore any mistakes. enjoy ★ ˙ᵕ˙ liv

Chapter Summary: the sweetest baker celebrates barbieween.

Chapter Warnings: death of parents (mentioned), death of a child (mentioned), language, alcohol and drugs (mentioned), slight age gap (F!MC and Joel are 6 years apart), symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Key Tags: chef! Joel, single! father Joel, no outbreak! Joel Miller, Joel x Ellie x Reader, slow burn, fluff, flirting, friendship, eventually established relationship, eventual smut, original character, black!fem!MC, no y/n.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖  series masterlist, joel masterlist ⋆ spotify playlist ˖ ݁ 𖥔.

⋆ word count: 6.3k ⋆

October 31st

Adding a final sugar bat wing to the specialty cupcake, I tuck a stay curl behind my ear with a huff. After 2 hours of baking and decorating, I decide it was time for a break. Taking my headphones off, I turn towards my neighbor’s little sister, Dina.

Dina's ponytail bounces as she bops around the front with her headphones in, making sure the bakery is ready to open in an hour. She’s only 15, but she’s been a massive help with the bakery. She works part-time shifts, but I’m paying her holiday pay for being here since 6 a.m. at her age. Waving my hand through the open window between the kitchen and the register, I grab her attention. “I’m gonna go grab a coffee. Do you want anything?” I ask.

Dina shakes her head and smiles. “No thanks,” she says.

I shuffle around the kitchen grabbing my things. “Okay, I’ll take you to school when I get back,” I accept her answer. Dina’s probably stuffed from me feeding her croissants and donuts this morning.

Dina beams, seemingly grateful she doesn’t have to take public transit today in the city. “Cool. Do you need help after 4?” she offers.

Shaking my head, I secure my bag on my shoulder. “No, Dina. Go out and have fun. There’s gotta be a party or whatever you young kids are doing these days,” I argue. No one I know should be working on my favorite holiday. It’s the best time of the year.

Dina’s nose crinkles and she leans on the counter. “I don’t really party,” she confessed.

Nodding, I think about the fact that Dina's sister is probably working the E.R. night shift tonight. “Do you want to come over tonight? I’m just handing out candy and probably watching a movie later,” I offer her someone to hang out with.

Dina happily nods, accepting the offer. After reminding her that I’ll text her sister, I turn the handle to the door. The cool autumn air nearly whips me in the face as I step out onto the small threshold. 

Staring down at my phone, I start to formulate the message to Talia. I only take two steps before I bump into a small figure. Setting my hands out on the tiny human’s shoulders, I look down and notice a brunette girl peering up at me. Her face twists in anger and she shrugs my hands off her shoulders. “Ow, fuck. Watch it,” She puts me in my place with so much attitude, it reminds me of myself when I was a kid.

Taking a deep breath, I try to compose myself. The younger version of me would’ve given her a piece of my mind, but it’s the best day in the world. Halloween. “I’m sorry, tiny human. I wasn’t paying attention,” I apologize and try to move past her to get coffee.

She steps in front of me again with her arms crossed. “Hey, I am not tiny,” she counters.

“Don’t take it personally. I call anyone under the age of 18 a tiny human,” I placate her.

She huffs before shifting a bit. “Well, now that your main concern should be avoiding a lawsuit, maybe you’ll hear me out,” she snips.

My head tilts in confusion at her statement. “Lawsuit? What do you mean lawsuit?” I ask in disbelief.

Her eyes roll in response to my question. “You know? I got hurt at your business & you discriminated against me. You should pay me or something,” she explains as if I should know this already.

I’ve spent enough time with tiny humans to know when one wants something from you. “Smart, but we’re on the sidewalk. It’s public property,” I break the news to her, gesturing to the cracked concrete beneath our feet.

The brunette teenager’s face turns red as her eyes dart down and then back up at me. “Shit, maybe I should’ve done this another way,” she thinks out loud.

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I daydream about a vanilla latte with almond milk. “Look, I need some coffee. Can we walk and blackmail me at the same time?” I ask.

She gnaws on her bottom lip, shifting back on her heels. “Well that’s the thing…” she pauses and waits for my name.

“Ginny,” I inform her.

She nods, seemingly internalizing every syllable. “Ginny. I have a class in 30 minutes. My da–” she stops herself, cursing under her breath. She squeezes her eyes shut right and takes a deep breath. “Anyways, he forgot to pick up the order last night. It might be under my name or his,” she blurts before opening her eyes.

I usually don’t allow customers to pick up orders a day late but the kid looks like she’s going through it. “Okay, how about you come inside and we figure it out so you get to school on time,” I say.

Her face instantly softens and a smile replaces her frown. “Cool. Thanks, Ginny,” she replies.

I open the door, motioning for her to step into the shop ahead of me. “What’s your name?” I ask her.

She looks over her shoulder and watches as I lock the door. “Ellie,” she beams. 

Nodding, I start to walk with Ellie toward the back of the bakery. “Nice to meet you, Ellie,” I extend my hand and she shakes it.

When we get into the kitchen, Dina is sitting in the corner with her backpack at her feet. “That was fast,” she comments, ready to stand.

I motion for Dina to not get up with my hands. “I didn’t get coffee yet. Ignore us, I can handle this,” I chirp, breezing over to the iPad.

My fingers tap the screen looking for the list of pick-up orders. “Okay, let’s do this by process of elimination. What’s your last name so I can look you up?” I ask Ellie.

“Williams,” Ellie states clearly.

Typing the letters into the search box, I press enter. “Well your name isn’t in the system so let’s try his name next. Last name?” I try to move on to the next name.

“Miller,” Ellie replies.

Miller, that name sounds familiar. Miller, Miller, Miller. It’s on the tip of my tongue.

My brows twist as I try to place the name. “First name?” I finally give up and ask.

“Joel,” the name rolls off Ellie's tongue as sweet as lilies in May.

Shit. That’s why the name was so familiar. Maybe it’s not the same Joel. “Joel Miller? The chef?” I ask for clarification.

Ellie's brows furrow and she nods. “Yeah. Do you know him?” she counters.

Nodding, I click Chef Miller's order. “Yeah, I didn’t know he had a kid.” Not that’s it a bad thing. It makes him more attractive knowing he has the patience to be a support to a teenager.

Ellie rocks on her heels, looking over her shoulder at Dina. “Joel’s my adopted dad,” she mumbles.

“You don’t have to explain your relationship with him. I get it,” I chirp, turning to grab a box for the first half of the order. “It looks like you need 20 cookies. I haven’t put them out yet. Did you want to come to the rack and pick them out?” I ask Ellie, pointing to the back corner.

Ellie’s face lights up and she nods. “Fuck yeah. But I have to be quick. Art is first thing this morning,” she informs me.

“Let’s go, then,” I smile, waving her in my direction.

My eyes flood with tears as I weep in my office around 3 p.m. My body jolts when the office door slams open against the wall. “Ginny,” I hear my employee Grace start to say. I swivel towards my chair, wiping the tears from my face. “Woah. I’m sorry,” she apologizes with wide eyes. I understand, I probably look like a hot red mess right now.

Motioning with my hand for her to ignore me, I take a deep breath. “You’re okay, what did you need?” I ask.

She nods, shifting to lean on the other leg uncomfortably. “There’s a customer in the front saying he had an order but we can’t find it. Can you help us?” she asks.

Nodding, I stand from the chair. “Yeah, I’ll be right there,” I chirp, trying my hardest to plaster on a fake smile. Grace gratefully takes this as a sufficient answer, turning on her heels to hurry back out to the front of the bakery.

My pink heels carry me over to the cabinet where I grab a pack of baby wipes. A sharp pain shoots up my soles as I shuffle over to the floor-length mirror in my office and I smooth my hands over my dress. My hair still looks perfect, which I'm grateful for. Grabbing some of the wipes, I try to clean my face as best as possible.

Once I deem my appearance acceptable, I toss the used wipes in the trash. The click of my shoes fills the back kitchen as I make my way up to the front. When I round the corner I see the back of a man with salt and pepper hair. “That’s the boss,” Chloé, another employee, says loudly over the noise in the large room.

My brain sparks, mentally preparing myself for the worst as the tall man slowly turns around. When I see his face, my tense body instantly relaxes. “Oh, Chef Miller. Hi,” I sigh and smile, genuinely this time.

Chef Miller looks me up and down while I close the large gap between us. My nose crinkles when I stop in front of him and he still hasn’t said anything. “Hi. I - um- I’m sorry,” he stammers.

Feeling confused, I break eye contact to look down at my outfit. There’s no flour on my costume but I’m suddenly feeling insecure. “Is everything alright?” I capture Chef Miller's chesnut irises again. 

Chef Miller inhales sharply, letting his arms fall to his side. “Mhm, just didn’t know you owned this place is all,” he informs me.

Thank fuck. I thought I had a booger front and center. I suddenly remember forgetting to call The Austin after Ellie came in, as promised. “Yeah, and shit. I meant to call your restaurant and tell you. Ellie came in earlier and I gave her the school order,” I try to ease his mind. 

Chef Miller lets out a heavy sigh, doubling over. “Oh lord. I forgot ‘em once and thought I forgot ‘em again. Been so busy at the resteraunt, I –” he cuts his rant short. The denim shirt seems to constrict and I notice his shoulders rising and falling rapidly.

My eyes go wide and I step a little closer to the chef, putting my hand on his back. “Chef Miller, are you alright?” I ask.

Chef Miller nods with his face still towards the pink tile floor. “I’m fine. It’s just the cold air all of a sudden,” he lies and I feel the bass of his voice in my palm.

My hand instinctively rubs circles on his back. “Chef Mill-”

“Joel, sweetheart. Call me Joel,” Joel cuts me off.

“Joel,” I say, and the name almost feels foreign on my tongue. “Do you want to sit down for a second? Try a Halloween brownie?” I offer, hoping it’ll keep him from going down this continuous spiral.

Joel shakes his head and slowly starts to stand, straightening his back. “No, thank you. I don’t want to take up more of your time,” he acknowledges the long line of customers in the bakery.

Taking a step back, I clasp my hands in front of me. Something about Joel intrigues me, and I quickly think of an excuse to keep him in the shop. “How about you sit because you’re saving me from the joy of interacting with rude Halloween patrons,” I practically beg him.

He peers over his shoulder at the case with the sweet treats. His eyes return to mine with a gleam in them. “Okay, deal,” he agrees with a small smile.

Nodding, I feel the heat rush to my cheeks. Joel picks a booth to sit in while I scurry to grab him a brownie and a glass of water. When I get back to the booth, I’m out of breath from trying to function in the pink block heels. “Here, it’s on the house,” I suggest, pushing the items towards him.

Joel shakes his head, pulling out a 10-dollar bill. “This is all the cash I have on me but, I can offer two redo meals for the price of one,” he proposes, sliding the cash over towards me.

Shaking my head, I slide it back over towards Joel. “It’s not a big deal,” I argue.

“No, it is. You saved her from embarrassment. I should be tipping you 10 fold,” Joel contests, pushing it back across the table.

Getting frustrated, I reach out and push the cash back in his direction with finality. “Put it in the fucking tip jar. For Christ's sake, Joel. I don’t need it. My staff will split it at the end of the shift,” I declare trying to convince him I do not need the extra cash.

Joel looks down and grabs the cash, tucking it into his back pocket. “Fine,” he mutters under his breath. “So, how was she?” he asks a bit louder.

My head tilts in confusion. “What do you mean?” I ask for clarification.

Joel picks up the brownie, examining the spiderweb marshmallows covering the dessert. “I mean what was she like? Just trying to make sure she’s on the right track is all. Happy and everything,” he explains before taking a bite. 

My eyes squint as I study Joel chewing. Every muscle in his jaw flexes and he closes his eyes. “Mmmm, this is good,” he moans and I feel the color drain from my face. My stomach flutters and I try to force the bile back down my throat. 

It’s platonic, Imogen. Not even that. We’re acquaintances. “She reminds me of when I was a teenager. Didn’t think I’d ever meet someone that swears more than me,” I finally answer him.

Joel picks up the water, taking a sip of the cool liquid before setting it back on the table. “I told her no more goddamn swearing in public,” he complains.

Pursing my lips together, I try not to laugh at how ironic the scenario is. “Um, Joel,” I say, trying to fight a snicker while Joel takes another bite.

Joel's eyes flick up to mine and I almost crumble. He hums for me to continue while he chews.

Clearing my throat, I try to think of the best way to put this. I don’t want him to think I’m trying to tell him how to parent his kid. “If you want her not to swear in public, you have to lead by example,” I advise the mesmerizing man sitting across from me.

Joel instantly stops chewing and takes a big gulp. “Shit, you’re right,” he swears again and I stifle another giggle.

The desire to spend more time with Joel creeps up my spine once again. “Can I ask you something? And you can say no,” I start feeling a slight warmth in my chest.

Joel nods, wiping his mouth with a pink napkin. “Yeah, sure,” he confirms before going in for the last of the brownie.

My fingers tap the table beneath me, feeling anxious about what I’m going to suggest. “Did the two of you have plans tonight?” I investigate.

Joel takes a few moments to finish chewing while he shakes his head. “No. It’s Ellie’s first Halloween with me, too. I didn’t know what to do so I didn’t plan anything.” he addresses their plans.

A small smile creeps onto my lips. “Well, I’m closing the shop early. My neighbor’s little sister is coming over to hang out and watch a movie. You should bring Ellie by for a little while. Maybe they’ll end up being friends,” I ramble.

Joel’s face brightens as he processes the information. “I think that’d be good for her. I took off work and she should be out of school in an hour or two. I’ll get her fed and we’ll be on our way,” he voices before finishing the glass of water.

A few drops of water slip past his bottom lip onto Joel's beard, and I resist the craving to reach up and fix him. “Sounds good,” I note his plans while I slide out of the booth. “Look, I have to get back,” I tell him, seeing the line grow in size.

Joel nods and waves, following suit behind me. As I glide away, I feel something gnawing at my insides. He’s so worried about Ellie and I just want to reassure him. “Joel,” I grab his attention before he gets too far away from me.

He turns around to face me. “Yes, sweetheart?” Joel asks so kindly, I could melt butter on his words.

“You’re a really great dad. I mean, you’d have to be blind not to see that. She’s smart, beautiful, and healthy. I don’t know about happy but, what teenage girl is?” I sincerely express to him what I’ve observed already.

I can tell Joel’s trying his best when he gives me a half smile. “That’s sweet of you, darlin’,” he husks.

Shrugging, I try to push away the flush creeping into my cheeks. “It’s just the truth. And she loves you too, Joel,” I add.

Joel chuckles, shaking his head. His head hangs and he stares at the ground for a moment until a customer needs to pass his large frame to get out of the store.

Joel moves to the side, seemingly regaining his focus. “Thank you, fuck. I needed that,” he swears.

Smiling, I reach out and caress his arm. “I know. I’ll see you tonight,” I wink, spinning on my toes and floating away from the door.

“See you later, Ginny,” he returns the farewell, pulling open the door to my shop and exiting. The lingering smell of his cologne dances in my brain as I try to refocus on the current customers.

“Happy Halloween!” I cheer, scooping the last of the candy into small bags.

It’s always been my favorite holiday and this year, I’m dressed head to toe in pink as Baker Barbie. Once the rush of kids passes, I turn to join Dina in the booth next to the window. My heels click across the floors as I strut towards her. 

We opted out for pizza pickup after school and I let the closers handle shutting the store. She made quick work of packing her back at her sisters when we stopped by, having already picked out her Tinkerbell costume.

Just as I make it to the booth, I hear the doorbell jingle. “Hey, Ginny,” I hear a familiar voice.

Turning around, I face the short brunette girl dressed as Wednesday. “Oh! Hi, Ellie. I love your costume. Where’s your—“ I start to ask when my thoughts are cut short. Joel Miller grudgingly saunters into my bakery dressed in a black t-shirt that tightly hugs his body. 

Just like the first day we met, I felt my body start to heat up. “Look! I made him dress up as Ken since you don’t have one today,” Ellie proudly points to the pink ‘Ken’ lettering in the middle of Joel’s chest.

Blood rushes to my cheeks when I think about the possibility of us being together. Of him being my Ken. But I know it’s just my delusional thoughts.

My feet involuntarily move forward towards them so I’m not shouting across the bakery. “Oh that’s, well,” I stammer over my words trying to ease myself out of a bootleg Parent Trap. “You did a fantastic job with his costume,” I compliment her smoothly.

My legs almost give out when the corners of Joel’s mouth curve into a small smile. Ellie’s face lights up and she hits Joel in the chest lightly with the back of her hand. “See, Joel. She said you’re Kenough,” she jokes with him.

His brows knit together and he turns towards her, placing his hands on his hips. “The hell is that supposed to mean?” he questions her.

Standing next to him, my hands slide under his arm, tugging him towards the booth in the back. “Don’t think about it too much,” I giggle, trying to ignore the electricity I feel beneath my palms.

His bicep is so muscular, that I find myself wondering if he could pick me up. I make a mental note to charge both vibrators so I can fantasize about him later tonight. “Cupcake?” I offer pointing to the case, trying to dust the dirty thoughts out of my head.

Joel relaxes under my touch and I use him to stabilize myself in the tall heels. “I’ve had ‘nough sugar for today,” he grunts. 

Tutting, I smile up at him. “Joel Miller, you can’t expect to come into a bakery and not get any sweetness in your life,” I challenge him. I can’t be upset though, he did try my brownie and my croissant earlier.

A small smirk creeps onto his lips. “Don’t think I have to eat anythin’ for that,” he flirts and my eyes nearly pop out of my head.

Shifting my attention to the teenagers awkwardly standing within a mile distance of each other, I try to form introductions. Dropping my grip on Joel’s arm, I cross the space to the booth. “Ellie, meet Dina. Dina, meet Ellie,” I babble, pointing back and forth between the girls.

“Dina is my neighbor,” I say for the two of them, but mostly for Joel's sake. The likelihood of the teenagers caring about our relationship is none. Sliding into the booth, I wave my hand inviting them to join us. Ellie softly smiles and she lifts her hand, awkwardly waving. “Hey. You look familiar,” she greets Dina.

Dina blushes, seemingly wanting to hide behind me. “Hi,” she mumbles.

A small girl dressed as a gymnast does a back walkover outside the window and my face twists. The city sidewalk is fucking disgusting. “Shit, shit, shit,” I hear Ellie start to panic.

My face is plastered with confusion as Dina scoots over toward me. “What’s her problem?” she whispers.

My face turns towards her and I shrug with my eyes wandering back to Ellie. She looks as though she’s about to crawl out of her skin.

Joel leans across the table and puts up his hand to cover his mouth from Ellie’s view. “She has an irrational fear of gymnasts,” he rasps lowly.

Nodding, I try to think of a way to peel Ellie away from the window. “Okay well. Dina, why don’t you and Ellie go grab some cider while Joel and I catch up,” I suggest.

Dina’s face turns red and she nods. My hands make contact with the cold table as I use it to slide out of the small booth. 

Ellie looks unsure of what to do. “Joel?” she looks up at him with nervousness and asks. 

“You’ll be fine,” Joel reassures her, following suit across from me and the girls disappear into the kitchen.

A smile creeps onto my face as I watch Joel awkwardly readjust his t-shirt. “So…” I start, pausing to awkwardly gnaw on my lip.

Joel seemingly notices how awkward I feel, leaning forward towards me. “How long have you owned this place?” he asks, tongue laced with curiosity.

Slouching a bit, I remember the reason why I started this career path. “A couple of years now. I opened it after my parents passed away,” I let him know.

His eyes dart down towards the table. “I’m sorry, darlin’. I didn’t mean to offend you,” he apologizes.

I reach across the table and grab his calloused hands. “It’s okay. I wanted to do something I loved and so I found and bought this space a couple of months after,” I explain.

He doesn’t flinch and the heat radiates in my palms. “So it’s just you running things? No partner?” he inquires.

The realization that I just grabbed his hands hits me, and I drop them like they’re a hot potato. His nose crinkles and I think I catch a grimace from him. “No partner,” I answer.

He leans back into the pink pleather booth and the seat beneath him crinkles. “Wow, that’s impressive. The Austin would probably crumble,” he acknowledges. 

A giggle slips my lips. “Well, Daylight Bakery is not gunning for a Michelin Star,” I point out.

He tilts his head to the right and raises his eyebrow slightly. “You could do it,” he muses.

My left hand waves him off. “You flatter me. But can we stop talking about me? I’m getting embarrassed,” I express, feeling particularly vulnerable when talking about the success of my business.

Joel lifts a brow, looking at me with a surprised expression. “I thought Barbie doesn’t get embarrassed,” he points out.

Shaking my head, I smile at him. “She doesn’t… wait. You’ve seen The Barbie Movie?” I ask him. Honestly, I’m astonished.

He nods, brushing his hair back with his hand. “Mmmhm.  I do have a daughter,” he elaborates.

The urge to ask him about his situation with Ellie creeps up my back. I want to know how Chef Joel ended up adopting a teenager who swears like a sailor. “About that. I hate to be nosey but, I can’t help it. How did you end up adopting Ellie?” I blurt out the compulsive thought.

He grunts and my eyes wander down to his shoulders. His whole upper body looks tight and uncomfortable. “Long story. Had a daughter, Sarah. She passed a couple of years ago,” he starts, voice laced with sadness.

My face softens and I fight the urge to cry again for the millionth time today. I can’t imagine how it must feel to lose a child. Worse than any pain known to man. “Oh, Joel. I’m so sorry,” I apologize. 

Sadness glows in his eyes and I feel the desire to jump across the table and embrace him. “It’s okay, I was able to grieve. Still grievin’,” he adds.

My head bobs up and down, processing the information. “Yeah. I totally get that,” I voice quietly.

I try to stay silent to allow him to continue if he feels like it. The air between us feels solum. “After she passed, I put all my energy into the restaurant. Ellie’s birth mother died givin’ birth to her, and her mom’s partner worked at The Austin,” he notes.

“Worked?” I question him. I assumed she was still working there. 

He rubs the scruff on his jaw and lets out a heavy sigh. “Yeah, she uh. She has an addiction. She was doing well for Ellie's whole life and then, somethin' happened and she relapsed. Asked if Ellie could stay with me for a while. Never came back,” he expands.

Shaking my head, I feel like a house is sitting on my heart. No one deserves to be left like that by someone they love. “That’s, wow. Poor girl,” I express sympathy for Ellie.

Joel shrugs as if it’s no big deal. “Yeah. What was I supposed to do? Say no?” he chuckles, running his hands over his face.

My lips press together and my eyes capture his bloodshot ones. “No,” I murmur.

“Right. After a while, she just became mine I guess. She still reminds me I’m not her dad every once in a while,” he vents.

Tucking a stray curl behind my ear, I shift a bit in my seat. “Is it when you fight?” I query.

Joel looks away, staring off into space behind me in deep thought. “Mmmhm,” he recalls.

My body relaxes when he confirms my suspicions. “She’s just a regular teenager with teenage angst. She nearly said ‘my dad’ this morning,” I try to appeal to him.

His ears perk up and his eyebrows raise. “Really?” he nearly gasps.

My face twists and I look at him with confusion. Why would that be such a surprise to him? “Yeah,” I confirm.

His eyes gradually widen while he stares a hole through my soul. “Woah,” he breathes.

My head moves slightly to the right to make sure he’s still looking at me and not just processing. His gaze follows mine, so I continue, “Has she never said that before?”

Joel rubs the back of his neck. “No, not to me,” he grunts.

Nodding, I blink slowly. “Give her time,” I advise him.

A loud bang interrupts us and when I turn my head, I see Ellie scrambling out of the kitchen with Dina attached to her hip. “Joel, can we go watch a movie?” She asks pointing up towards the ceiling.

Joel’s brows furrow as his eyes follow her finger. “Why are you pointing up, kiddo?” He asks.

I lean across the table so I’m a little closer to Joel. “They’re asking if we can go watch it in my living room,” I elaborate to clear any confusion he may have.

Joel’s head turns in my direction. “You live above the bakery?” he digs.

“I do,” I reveal. It was easier for me to buy the whole building and split it into half residential than to buy two separate properties. Dina and her sister rent a condo in the building next door, so all 4 floors are mine.

“That’s convenient,” he comments toward me before turning his attention back to Ellie. “I don’t care, but it’s not my TV or my place. You’ll have to ask Ms. Scott,” he gives her permission, gesturing to me.

Ellie rocks back on her heels, rotating her body in my direction. “Ginny, can we watch the movie now?” she stammers, excitedly. 

“Ms. Scott, Ellie. Mind your manners,” Joel corrects Ellie.

I reach out, putting my hand on Joel’s forearm. “It’s fine, Joel. I told her to call me Ginny,” I state, hoping it’ll save Ellie from a lashing.

Before he can say anything, I remove my hand from his arm to grab my keys from the table. “Here, catch,” I chime, tossing Dina the keys. 

She successfully catches it, tugging Ellie towards the back with her free arm. “We’ll be up there in a second. No tequila, no weed, and no wine, Dina. I mean it,” I warn Dina.

“Buzzkill,” Dina grunts as they reach the pink double doors.

“Thanks, Gin– I mean, Ms. Scott,” Ellie beams over her shoulder.

“For fucks sake. Drop the Ms. Scott, Ellie,” I call back to her just as the doors close behind them, leaving me and Joel alone once again.

Fidgeting in my seat, I swallow my impulse to confess my crush to the southern gentleman. “Happy Halloween,” I cheer.

The stairs creek with each step we take down them as Ellie and I creep downstairs. Dina left a few minutes ago when Talia picked her up from work. The only ones left in the bakery are Joel, me, and Ellie. “Hey, Ginny. Can I ask you a favor?” Ellie breaks the comfortable silence.

I nod sleepy, praying my feet carry me back up the steps. I am not above sleeping in a bakery booth as opposed to climbing 3 flights of steps. “Mmm,” I hum for Ellie to continue.

Just a couple more steps, Imogen. “Can I come to the bakery after school, you know, just to hang out and sketch? Joel doesn’t get home till 11 pm most nights,” I hear her practically beg.

“Of course. Dina’s sister, Talia, is the same. That’s why she works the afternoon shifts,” I tell her.

I have no problem with her hanging out here in the afternoons. And besides, Dina and Ellie found out they go to the same school today. Why would I want to separate the budding friendship?

Ellie clears her throat, stopping once we get to the bottom of the steps. “Yeah…” she murmurs.

Suddenly, I’m wide awake. “Oh, you…” I start, searching her eyes unsure of how to phrase my words. “That's great, Ellie,” I attempt to telepathically communicate with her that as a queer child, she’s always safe with me.

Ellie’s eyes flicker with fear. “Please don’t tell Joel,” she quickly begs.

As if we spoke him into existence, Joel comes from around the corner at that moment. “Tell Joel what?” he interrogates us.

My breathing quickens and I feel sweat start to collect above my brow. There’s no fucking way I’m going to out Ellie to her dad, or anyone to anyone for that matter. “That she hates your steaks too,” I say as convincingly as possible.

Joel shrugs on his jacket, not bothering to adjust the fit. “Is that so?” he smirks.

Ellie shifts from one foot to the other. “Um, yeah. It’s shit, Joel. Sorry. I didn’t want to tell you,” Ellie rambles and I nudge her to stop talking. The more she talks, the more details we have to remember about this lie going forward. Fucking tiny humans.

Joel chuckles and I glide past Ellie to adjust his jacket for him. The air between us is electric when I tug his jacket up slightly. Ellie snickers, and I assume it's because I'm practically fluffing her father. Once I deem my styling of Chef Ken perfect, I flick on the lights in the bakery. “Maybe that’s what’s keepin’ me away from a star,” I hear Joel complain behind me.

When I turn around, Ellie is shrugging. “Maybe. Let’s go home,” she blurts, anxiously pulling her dad towards the door.

My feet shuffle across the floor in my slippers behind them. “Oh, Joel. Wait,” I call after them, attempting to catch up. “Ellie’s gonna hang at the bakery after school days and do homework. I can hire her next year if you want me to," I huff out of breath.

Joel’s smirk melts away and he turns towards the mini version of him. “Ellie,” he scolds her.

Ellie puts her hands up in defense. “What?” she asks.

Joel shakes his head with disapproval. “Ms. Scott’s very busy. I don’t think she’d appreciate havin' you here 5 out of the 7 days in a week,” he paints a picture of Ellie overstaying her welcome.

I don’t want her to ever feel like she can’t come here, especially after she was so vulnerable with me in the stairwell. “Actually, it’s fine. We have an empty wall right there,” I point to the blank canvas, ready to be explored. "Maybe you can paint something on that. Like a mural," I suggest.

Ellie’s jaw drops and she bounces slightly on her toes. “Holy shit! Really?” she buzzes.

Joel shifts, crossing his arms. “Ellie,” he repeats.

Ellie scoffs, looking at Joel as if she’s saying are you fucking kidding me? “I’m sorry. Holy fuck, really?!” she regurgitates with a worse swear word.

I smile at her excitement. “Really,” I whisper as if it’s the best-kept secret.

“Can it be space-themed?” Ellie counters.

Nodding, I try to imagine what a space-themed wall would look like. Maybe she can incorporate cupcakes. “It can be anything you want. Call it ‘Ellie’s Wall’ or something,” I encourage her.

Ellie nods, finally calming down a bit. “That’s awesome,” she marvels.

Ellie looks up at Joel with the worst puppy dog eyes I’ve ever seen. Not that it matters, because he’s crumbling by the second. “You can do it. Long as you’re on top of your schoolwork,” he permits her to spend time here.

Ellie smiles, moving closer to the door. “Okay, okay. I’m going before you take it back. Bye, Ginny,” she boasts confidently while yanking open the door.

I chuckle at her antics. “Bye, Ellie. See you tomorrow,” I bid her goodbye.

The door shuts behind us and a faint jingling sound enters the room. Joel steps closer to me, slightly trapping me in the small doorway. “So,” he starts, cutting himself off.

My eyes snap away from his to the floor. I can’t fucking look at him. Not when he’s this close looking good enough to eat. “So,” I murmur.

Joel bends down a little bit, forcing me to look back into his coffee-colored irises. “Thank you. For everything today,” he smiles, putting a hand over his chest.

God, I’m probably as red as a tomato. I want to sprint as far as I can away from this conversation. “You’re welcome,” I voice so low, it’s almost a whisper.

Joel reaches for the door handle right next to me. So he wasn’t trying to kiss me. “Guess, I’ll be seein’ you tomorrow when I pick up Ellie,” he smiles, opening up the door.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed but I try to push it to the back of my mind. We’re just acquaintances, Ginny. “Thanks for coming. I had a great holiday,” I squeek.

His mouth curves up into a smile. “So did I,” he chuckles, stepping out of the door.

My delusional brain grabs the door behind him before he pulls it shut. Maybe this is it. Maybe he has a crush too. “Goodnight, Joel,” I melodically bid him goodbye.

Joel smiles, awkwardly waving. “Goodnight,” he murmurs, pulling the door shut. 

Joel stands directly outside and peers through the window, pointing down at the lock. “Now,” he mouths, and I click the metal switch.

Shaking my head at his antics, I spin around to trek back upstairs. Once I’m in my living room, my feet drag across the floor to shut the window facing the street. I scratch my head when I hear two voices screaming at each other below. “You didn’t kiss her? What the hell, dude?” Ellie chews out Joel and my cheeks burn.

“Ellie, no questions,” I hear Joel snip at his daughter.

Curiosity killed the cat and Ellie, apparently. “Why didn’t you kiss h–”

“Damn it, Ellie. Shut up and get in the car,” I hear Joel grumble before a car door slams. I giggle, shutting my window and thanking the gods above for such a great Hallows Eve.

sweetest pie series

[silvfyre-writings]

I don't want to worry you (BSD Fanfic)

I think bramran is a fitting way to end the year, don't you?

I do believe that this will be my last fic of 2023 unless I can finish the other one that I'm working on, but uhhhhh, I don't think I will, so yeah, here we are!

I am so in love with this ship, and playing around with their dynamic is fun, and something I'm enjoying a lot!! And this was my first time writing from Bram's POV, so I think I did okay.

So without further ado, I HOPE YOU ENJOY!!! Leave a kudos or a comment or both as well!!!!

Bram stares at his phone with such an intense look that it’s a surprise that the device doesn’t catch on fire. He knows that staring at it won’t do anything, that it won’t make a new message appear on the screen no matter how desperately he wishes for it. He eyes the read nine days ago tag attached to the last message he’d sent, and tries not to worry. After all, his lover works hard at his job, and often forgets to reply when he gets focused, and normally Bram wouldn’t worry, but normally, Ranpo doesn’t send him one worded answers, or brush him off when he tries to organise a date, but recently, that’s what he’s been doing, and as such, Bram worries.

There are few things that he actually does worry about, mostly because it takes a lot to make him worry in the first place, but his lovers wellbeing is one thing that makes him worry a lot, hence why he’s been staring at his phone all day in the hopes of getting a response to the last message he sent: Ranpo, are you okay?

Bram tries not to worry, telling himself that Ranpo is fine, and that he’ll simply message him when he gets time; he remembers Ranpo telling him about a big case that’d come through, and that it was all hands on deck—even his. But it’s been nine days, and no matter how difficult a case is, Ranpo has never needed more than three to solve one. And sure, Bram could reach out to Ranpo’s friends and co-workers, but he doesn’t want to distract them from their work, doesn’t want to make them worry either since they already worry enough about their head detective.

He sighs, and checks his messages again, even though he knows that no new ones have come through, and his gut churns as he, once again, focuses on that nine day old tag, because it’s not normal, and although nothing about him and Ranpo is normal to begin with, their communication is the most normal thing about them, which is why Bram knows that something is up, and that perhaps, he shouldn’t wait any longer this time, that maybe he should be the one to take initiative this time.

It’s decided. He’ll go to the Agency and check to see if Ranpo is there, and if he isn’t, then he’ll stop by Ranpo’s home and check there.

Bram stands up, swipes his phone off the counter and strides over to the coatrack he’d been gifted by… someone—Dazai he thinks, but to be honest he isn’t sure, since it just turned up in his apartment one day without his knowledge—and pulls his coat off of it, and then tugs it on. Once he makes sure he has his keys, he leaves his apartment behind and sets off down the street. He has a vague idea of how to get to the Agency without using his phone as a navigation aid, no thanks to said Agency making him study the maps of Yokohama since he made the decision to stay.

A decision he was still adjusting to, but so far, hadn’t regretted it.

The walk to the Agency is peaceful, and gives Bram a chance to think over what he plans to do. His main goal of course, is to find out where Ranpo is and why he’s been ghosting him this entire time, but he also wants to do so in a way that doesn’t worry anyone else. Because if there’s one thing that Bram’s learnt since meeting Ranpo, it’s that the genius detective doesn’t like being fussed over, no matter what. Ranpo could be bleeding out, or suffering from some kind of plague, yet he would still insist that he’s fine—thankfully, his fellow detectives were on top of things, and did their best to stop Ranpo brushing them off, but sometimes, he did manage to fool them.

Before he knows it, he’s at the Agency, and climbing the stairs, only to run into the Agency’s doctor halfway up. Bram stops and stares at her, eyes widening just a little, and Yosano’s mouth drops open a little bit at the sight of him. “Bram, what brings you here? Is Ranpo alright?”

Yosano’s words cause Bram’s own question to die before he can even voice it, and he frowns, because why is she asking him about Ranpo? Ranpo’s been at work, hasn’t he? Bram thinks, and then elects to just speak the truth. “I haven’t seen Ranpo in two weeks, and I haven’t heard from him in nine days. He told me he had a case, so I assumed he would be here, working.”

Now it’s Yosano’s turn to frown, and she shakes her head slowly. “No… Ranpo called out sick a couple of weeks ago, said he’d be back once he felt better. We simply assumed he was staying with you while he got better.”

So Ranpo had lied to both Bram and his co-workers… but why? Were they in danger from a new threat, and Ranpo was trying to protect them? Was there something going on with Ranpo that he didn’t want those closest to him to know about? There were so many possibilities, and Bram couldn’t stop running through them in his head, trying to figure out which one is the most plausible. But not one possibility calls to him, which makes him think he’s wrong, but the churning in his gut makes him think he’s also on the right track.

“Is… there someone closer to Ranpo than either of us?” Bram asks after a moment of silence. He knows that Ranpo has people closer to him than just Bram—he knows that Yosano is one of them, and that the president of the Agency is another, but other than that, he has no clue. He in Ranpo are still in the ‘learning about each other’ stage of their relationship after all, it makes sense for him to not know everything yet.

“Well, there’s Fukuzawa—he’s known Ranpo since he was young after all.” Yosano brings a hand up to scratch at her chin in, deep in thought. “And well, me and the rest of the Agency, but we already established that that’s not helpful… maybe Poe? He’s a friend of Ranpo’s, and I know that Ranpo sometimes visits him.”

Bram nods, and files away the information for later. He feels like he’s been told this before, since the names feel familiar, and then a bit of guilt wells up inside him that he should already know this, but he squashes it down and blames it on the worry he’s feeling. “Would it be possible to speak to Fukuzawa?”

“Sure, he’s in his office. First door once you get up the stairs.” Yosano points behind her and then steps past him, calling over her shoulder. “Good luck, Bram!”

Her abrupt departure leaves Bram alone on the stairs, and he watches after the doctor until she disappears from sight, just blinking from how short and simple the conversation was. Usually conversations with any of the Agency members took several minutes—sometimes hours if stuck with certain members—and not… a minute. But no matter, the conversation had given him a starting point, and that was what mattered, so he turned on his heel and made his way up the stairs, spotting the office he was supposed to enter the moment he got to the top.

Bram paused outside the door, wondering for a moment if he was being too forward, and that he’s bothering someone who is busy just because he’s just a little worried, but once again, he squashes that feeling down, knocking on the door.

The door swings open after a few seconds, and reveals the man at the head of the Agency—and a man that Bram realises is familiar, and that he’s met before at a recent dinner that Ranpo had dragged him to; some kind of family dinner that Bram vaguely recalled as also serving as an introduction between him and one Fukuzawa Yukichi.

Fukuzawa is shorter than Bram, so he has to look down to meet the older mans eyes, and for minutes, the two stare at each other, with no words being spoken.

Bram is the one to break the silence, giving a polite bow as he’d been taught was custom. “I do not mean to disturb you, Fukuzawa, but I have come to ask you of something.”

“You wish to know of Ranpo’s whereabouts.” It’s not a question, but a statement, and Bram blinks, surprised that Fukuzawa is aware of what he’s after—which means the man also has the answer he’s seeking.

“I am. I haven’t heard from him in several days, and I am growing worried.”

Fukuzawa hums, his eyes closing as he thinks.

Bram simply waits patiently while he does.

After a while, Fukuzawa opens his eyes again. “He’s currently staying with me. He’s been… unwell lately, so I’m keeping an eye on him.”

“But you are here.” Bram says.

Fukuzawa nods. “Ranpo insisted I still come to work because he did not wish to worry anyone. I was about to leave to go and check on him, but I won’t begrudge you from going in my place if you would like to soothe your worry.”

“That would be much appreciated, thank you.”

Fukuzawa gives another nod before reaching into his sleeve to pull out a key and his phone. He holds out the key towards Bram, and taps away at his phone. “This is the key to my apartment, and I will text you the address—Ranpo gave me your number after dinner.”

Bram nods, and pulls his own phone out of his pocket once the message tone goes off. “Thank you. I will do my best.”

“I know you will, Bram.” Fukuzawa gives him a soft smile, one that makes Bram feel warm inside. “You care for Ranpo deeply, and that is something I appreciate.”

Bram didn’t know what he was expecting when he steps into Fukuzawa’s apartment, but total silence isn’t it. Fukuzawa had said that Ranpo was unwell, and Bram distinctly remembers the last time that Ranpo was sick; he’d laid on the couch, filled with complaints and glasses of juice, watching whatever was on the television at the time. And yet, here, there is no Ranpo in sight, no mess to even indicate that he’s even here in the first place. But he has to be, because that is what the Agency president had said, so Ranpo simply must be elsewhere in the apartment.

With that in mind, Bram steps further into the apartment, barely remembering to pull of his boots in time, and looks around. The apartment is neat and tidy, freshly cleaned from the looks of it, although there is a bottle of water, and a couple of what looks to be medicinal pills next to it. Underneath the bottle is a note that must’ve been written by Fukuzawa before he’d left that morning:

Take your medication please, Ranpo. You know it helps. I’ll be by to check on you at lunch.

- Fukuzawa

Bram studies the note, and then eyes off the water and medication, before grabbing both and continuing on his search for Ranpo.

It doesn’t take long to figure out where Ranpo is, since there are only two other rooms in the apartment, and only one of the doors is closed, which means that the younger detective must be there. First, Bram knocks on the door, but when he doesn’t get a response, he quietly opens it and steps into the darkened room, closing the door behind him with a click.

It takes a moment for Bram’s eyes to adjust to the darkness—not total darkness, because even though the curtains are drawn, there’s a light plugged into the wall, providing a glow that allows some visibility—but once they do, his attention is drawn immediately to the lump in the bed, currently drowning in blankets. Bram steps closer to the lump, making sure that he can be heard so as not to spook Ranpo when he sits on the edge of the bed. “Ranpo?”

The lump under the blanket jerks, and then shifts before a head slowly appears with tangled hair, and eyebags so heavy that it makes Ranpo look like someone has punched him in the face. Even his eyes, which are normally so green and bright, and full of life, look nothing more than decaying herbs as they seem to stare right through Bram, unblinking, until Ranpo lets out a sigh and drags the blankets back over his head. “Go away…”

Ranpo’s reaction stumps Bram, who has never seen his lover as anything other than cheerful and energetic, so he’s not entirely sure what he’s meant to do here.

But then Bram remembers Fukuzawa’s faith in him, and his determination returns full force—he needs to do good; he needs to be helpful; he needs to take care of Ranpo.

“I will not.” Bram says, reaching over to tug the blankets down until Ranpo’s face is visible again. “It’s been nine days since I last heard from you, so I got worried, and it seems like I was right to worry in the first place.”

Ranpo grunts, refusing to look his way again. “How did you even get in? Fukuzawa isn’t home.”

“I went to the Agency to see if you were there, because you told me you had a case.” Bram said, watching Ranpo’s head turn the tiniest bit to look at him. “I ran into Yosano, who directed me to Fukuzawa, who told me you were unwell, and then he gave me a key.”

“Of course he did.” Ranpo sighs, eyes disappearing from view again. “Well, you’ve seen me, so you can go now.”

“No, because something is wrong and I want to help.” Bram says and places the water on the bedside table next to an empty cup, and grabs the medicine from his pocket. He taps Ranpo on the shoulder, until Ranpo groans and just rolls over to face him. “These were on the kitchen bench when I got here, you should probably take them.”

Ranpo eyes the pills, and Bram turns to grab the water, holding both out to his lover. He watches the younger’s eyes flit from his hands to his face, a variety of emotions crossing it before resignation settles there, and he pushes himself onto his elbow to take them from Bram’s hands. Ranpo throws the medicine into his mouth, and swallows the pills with a mouthful of water; then the water is being pressed into Bram’s hands again, and Ranpo turns back to face the wall.

A silence falls between them, Bram using that moment to study Ranpo carefully. Aside from the bags under his eyes, and a pale complexion, there isn’t really anything that says Ranpo is sick; he’s not coughing and his skin is free of fever-sweat. Which leads him to think that whatever’s going on, it’s something else and being sick is just the coverup excuse. Injured? No, I’d smell blood if he was wounded. Maybe the illness is something else…?

In the end, Bram just decides to ask. “What’s wrong with you?”

Silence, and then a huff that could have been a laugh. “That’s a bit of a blunt question.”

“You told me you preferred me being blunt.” Bram shrugs.

Ranpo hums, but doesn’t say anything more, not even to answer Bram’s question, which he thinks means that he can continue with his observations.

“You do not seem to be sick in the way that you were the last time you were sick—”

“That’s because it’s not your usual sickness.” Ranpo interrupts, and then curls up into a tiny ball. “’m just a little bit sad, that’s all you need to know.”

“Ah, I understand.” And Bram did understand. After all, one doesn’t exactly handle just being a head and a body for so many years by being happy, and even before that, when the people of his homeland turned against him and called him a monster, no matter how many times he tried to tell them that he wasn’t the one responsible for their people dying, one wasn’t exactly happy about that, especially when it ended in your near death. And those were just the ones with reason; there’d also been times where, seemingly for no reason, he’d felt less inclined to getting out of bed that day.

So he did understand.

And it tugs at his heart that someone important to him is going through such a thing.

Bram stands from the bed, and in no more than a few seconds, he’s pulling all the blankets off of Ranpo and lifting him from the bed.

“Wha—hey! Put me down!” Despite his protests, Ranpo doesn’t try to fight him.

“No.” Bram says, adjusting his grip on Ranpo so he can carry Ranpo easier. The moment he does, arms come to wrap around his shoulders, and Ranpo hides his face into the crook of Bram’s neck.

“Please put me down.”

“No. You are suffering from… I think they call it depression now, so I will do what I can to help you deal with it easier, and that means taking care of your physical needs so you can fight the demons in your mind.”

Ranpo sighs and tightens his hold, but he doesn’t say anything as Bram carries him from the room, which is fine with him, since he would much rather Ranpo not fight him as he tries to help.

It’s silent between the two of them as Bram carries Ranpo into the bathroom—not after struggling to find it in the first place—and seats him on the edge of the toilet seat so that he can get the shower ready. Ranpo’s head droops where he sits, his hair hiding his face from view as the rest of his body trembles; it looks like it’s taking all the energy that Ranpo has left to stay upright, and it tugs at Bram. He steps away long enough to turn the shower on before returning to kneel in front of Ranpo, raising a hand to cup his lovers cheek, running a thumb over Ranpo’s cheek.

Ranpo’s eyes flit to him.

“You don’t need to do anything, alright?” Bram reassures, leaning up to press their foreheads together. “Just let me take care of you, and I’ll do the rest.”

For a moment, Ranpo stares at him, and then drops his head to rest on Bram’s shoulder. “… okay.”

Bram nods, pleased with Ranpo’s answer, and sets about doing as he said he would; helping. He pulls away slowly, and stands, gripping Ranpo’s arms with his own and guiding his lover to his feet. He continues to hold Ranpo up with one arm, and with the other, he unbuttons Ranpo’s shirt, and tugs it off the others body. Next come the pants, and it’s the only time Bram asks Ranpo to help, continuing to hold his love upright as he shrugs off his pants and the underwear underneath, and then, it’s time for the shower.

He doesn’t hesitate to step under the spray, ignoring how his clothes become soaked in an instant and stick to his skin because it’s not important. It’s much more important for him to take care of Ranpo right now, since his love has been struggling to take care of himself if the state of him is anything to go by. It makes Bram wonder what exactly Fukuzawa has been doing to try and help the situation, but he tries not to judge—in situations such as these where the person important to you is suffering, you simply do the best that you can, and sometimes that means taking each day as it comes. Depression is ugly at times, he knows this from experience, which is why he’s determined to try and help. Bram doesn’t expect to magically fix how Ranpo is feeling right now, but he hopes to make him feel a little better at least.

With that in mind, Bram guides Ranpo to sit on the floor of the shower, following him down to kneel behind him. He reaches behind him, grabbing blindly for the shampoo until his hands knock into the bottle and that of the conditioner beside it. It only takes him a second to decide on grabbing both, and brings them into his view; he elects to just squirt the shampoo straight onto Ranpo’s head, and begins to drag his nails through tangled black hair, taking care to get the tangles out in a way that won’t cause Ranpo any pain.

Ranpo lets out a sigh, and shifts to rest his head on his knees, eyes closed as he gives in to Bram’s ministrations. It’s hard to see his expression from here, but Bram imagines it to be a little content, but emotionless all the same.

“Tilt your head back.” Bram says once he’s finished, and places a hand on Ranpo’s forehead to encourage him into following his words. Then, he rinses out the shampoo and starts the process over again the conditioner.

Once that’s done, Bram stands and turns the water off before guiding Ranpo up again and helping him out of the shower. And like before, it’s done in silence, and Bram doesn’t break that silence as he grabs a towel and drapes it over Ranpo’s head. He starts to dry it, only to have Ranpo’s hands come up to grasp at his own.

“I can do this…” Ranpo says, looking up into Bram’s eyes. “You go get changed. Fukuzawa has spare yukata’s; he won’t mind if you borrow one.”

“You are sure?”

Ranpo nods.

“Alright.” Bram leaves Ranpo to finish off, going to hunt down a yukata and get out of his wet clothes. In hindsight, getting into the shower without getting undressed first was a poor decision, but Bram hadn’t exactly been thinking when he’d done it. But what’s done is done, and now all that’s left to do is get Ranpo fed, a task that seems simple enough considering how much the detective likes to eat on a daily basis, even if it is mostly sweets.

But that was when Ranpo was feeling good.

Because right now, Ranpo is refusing to eat anything that Bram offers him.

“Why not just some toast?” Bram suggests after having yet another meal shot down, now dressed in a fresh yukata that’s a tad too short for him, and he’s pulled his damp hair into a bun.

Ranpo pulls a face and shakes his head. “I’m not hungry…”

Bram hums, worried, because he’s pretty sure that Ranpo hasn’t eaten anything in recent days—it doesn’t take a genius to see that his love has lost weight since he last saw him—and while he’s resigned himself to not getting Ranpo to eat an actual meal when he feels as terrible as he does, he refuses to let Ranpo eat nothing. “What does Fukuzawa usually do when you aren’t hungry?”

The expression on Ranpo’s face tightens even more before it just disappears entirely and is replaced with defeat. Ranpo stretches out across the table. “He usually cuts up an apple… or any kind of fruit, really…”

“Apple it is then.” Bram moves towards the fridge, quickly finding the apples, and from there it only takes him a couple of minutes to slice it up and put it on a plate. He slides into the seat next to Ranpo and picks up one of the slices and holds it out. “Can I ask a question?”

“Yeah.” Ranpo shrugs, and after eyeing the slice of apple carefully, takes it and nibbles on it.

“You could have stayed with me if you were feeling like this, I would not have judged you, so why did you not tell me?”

For a while, Ranpo is silent, and Bram thinks that he’s not going to get an answer, but then Ranpo shrugs and begins to speak. “I don’t know. Didn’t want to burden you or worry you, I guess, so I just lied and hid.” Ranpo gives an empty laugh. “But I failed anyways.”

“I care about you.” Bram argues gently, choosing to be soft instead of blunt for a change. “So of course I was bound to worry when you stopped talking to me.”

Ranpo hums, and picks up another apple slice. “You don’t need to worry, I’ll be fine. I’m safe here.”

Bram understands the implication of the words without having to question them, and it makes sense why Ranpo chose to come to Fukuzawa rather than himself. Fukuzawa has known Ranpo for years after all, has probably seen this side of Ranpo many times over and knows exactly how to handle it, unlike Bram who is witnessing this side of the person he’s chosen to love, for the first time. And while he trusts Ranpo’s words when he says that he will be fine, Bram also wished that Ranpo would accept help just a little bit more; it might make these days more bearable.

“I understand that you come to Fukuzawa because he is familiar, and understands you best,” Bram begins to say, reaching over to draw Ranpo into a one-armed embrace, pressing his lips to Ranpo’s crown, “but I ask that the next time you feel this way, that you let me know. I want to help you when you cannot help yourself.”

Ranpo flushes, and turns to bury his face into Bram’s chest, hands coming up to clutch at the yukata he’s wearing. He makes a noise like he wants to say something, but then falls silent.

Bram doesn’t hesitate to wrap his other arm around Ranpo and draw him closer. “You don’t need to answer. I don’t expect one. Taking in what I say is enough.”

“… thank you.”

When Fukuzawa steps into the apartment late in the evening, he certainly didn’t expect it to be silent—well, he did, because his apartment’s been silent for the past two weeks—but somehow, the silence seems different this time, and he’s almost certain it’s because of Bram. He’s not sure what Ranpo’s boyfriend… partner… lover—he’s not entirely sure what the two have labelled themselves with if he’s being honest—has done since he sent him over, but he knows that something occurred here.

If not for the apple scraps on the bench, and the fact that Ranpo’s meds are gone from where he’d left them on his way out of the apartment that morning, then it would be the sheets that Fukuzawa had been trying to change for days, hanging on a rack, freshly washed along with two towels, that gave it away.

Quietly, he makes a beeline for Ranpo’s room, since neither he nor Bram are within his sights, and he’s rewarded when he opens the door and sees the two of them crammed into Ranpo’s too small bed, asleep. Fukuzawa’s lips twitch into a smile as he observes the way that Ranpo is curled against Bram’s chest whilst Bram holds him protectively; Ranpo’s head is tucked underneath Bram’s chin, and Fukuzawa can see from his spot that Ranpo’s hair has been washed, and he gives Bram a silent thanks.

Getting Ranpo into the shower when he was in the midst of a depressive episode was a battle that Fukuzawa seldom won, so he’s grateful that Bram’s somehow achieved that.

A noise from Ranpo catches his attention, and it sounds like he’s about to wake up, but then Bram’s arm moves to run up and down his back in a soothing manner, as if he’s had to do this before, and Ranpo falls silent, face softening back into sleep. Bram’s hand slows until it stops, but not before he tightens his grip on Ranpo.

Fukuzawa’s smile widens a little, and he carefully shuts the door as he leaves the two to sleep.

Love doesn’t cure all, but it can certainly help ease one’s pain, and that is what Fukuzawa clings to as he goes to make himself some tea.

Tea for three.

[wille-zarr]

15k!!!! 😯😮

I’m excited!! 😁

Yes- 15k because imma ✨o v e r a c h i e v e r✨

AND IM SO EXCITED/SCARED/NERVOUS YOU HAVE NO IDEA

And I know it sucks 15k takes so long for me to write, but I (hope?) the payoff for readers is worth it? 😬

I’ve gone back and forth a lot on whether to post quicker- yet shorter- chapters, but the comments I get back are always the same-

Yall doods love the long chapters lol

Thoughts?

But anyway, I do want to tease a little bit on what to expect in chapter 9... I decided against posting a teaser, as I’d rather everyone go in not knowing a thing. 😌

(Extremely) OUT-OF-CONTEXT HINTS FOR CHP 9:

-✨a n g s t ✨ p a i n✨and a ✨m a s k✨

-cut the tENSION with a k n i f e

-we had a deal

-roller coaster plot WEEEEEE

-FAST FAST SPEED SPEED OH WAIT STOP

-<my existance is but an illusion>

-HE’S GOING TO KILL US

-kiss me, you bantha brain

-But i CAN’T SING

-you old man

-IF YOU DROP ME i will AAAAHHHHHH

-umm.... who are you?

[catz4ever]

"Edge of Darkness"

Brother Day and Reader Fanfic

Chapter Four is officially published!

I would like to dedicate this chapter to my dear friend and fellow Lee Pace/Brother Day fan, @omg-hellgirl . She was the one who convinced me to start this fanfic and has inspired me to keep going. We've talked for hours about Day and our shared passion for him and Lee. I know all of you love him as much as we do and I am so grateful!

**The explicit chapter you have all been waiting for is next, so hang in there!**

I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I did writing it!

As always please feel free to leave comments about your thoughts or message me if you want to chat about this chapter! I'd love to hear from you and see what you all think!

I'm working on tags currently, so please be patient!

@bellevox @purplerainiris @coopsgirl @bang-kim-bap @briefgalaxycat @lafleurose @designfailure56 @curiouswildi @icarus-waxenwings @monmonuwu @levikra

CHAPTER FOUR: "Silent Confessions"

As the minutes passed, Day's grip on your  hand began to loosen. He was weakening, and you had a sinking feeling that he may not last the night. For the first time since meeting him, you were not the one weak and vulnerable. He was now half dead and completely at the mercy of your hands. Remembering Dusk's threat of execution at the event of your failure and Day's cruel assault back on the ship, the thought of ending the emperor's life crossed your mind several times. So many quick and painless options for a merciful death were available to you as a practitioner. He was most likely going to die, why not end things early and be done with him? As much as a small part of you wanted to, you were unable to force yourself to kill him. 

Your eyes traced the perfect lines of his profile as sweat continued to gather on his cheeks and forehead. As he breathed in, his lungs staggered, causing his chest to shake as it rose. Every now and then, a small moan escaped his lips as he struggled to get oxygen into his body. Taking the damp cloth from his forehead, you scanned his temple again with the thermometer, and still it read 104° F. Noticing a few damp strands of hair that had fallen onto his face, you moved them aside and tucked them neatly behind his ear. You soaked the cloth again in the cool water and brought it back to his brow. Small droplets of water escaped the cloth and traveled slowly down the side of his cheek and into the pillow supporting his head. You didn't bother drying it up as it was probably a welcome relief to his fever-ravaged body. 

After what seemed like ages later, Brother Dawn jogged into the room carrying a bag filled with what you assumed were the supplies you requested. As he made his way up to the bedside, he looked sadly at Day's motionless body. 

"Has he improved at all?" he asked shyly, a hint of concern in his voice. He handed the bag to you and caught your gaze for an answer. 

"It's only been a few minutes since you left, young Empire," you replied,"but hopefully, some of the items you found for me will improve his condition."

Reaching into the bag you found a wrapped group of tall plants with a long stalk and yellow flowers blooming at the top. 

"I see the gardeners had no trouble finding this mullein leaf," you said with a smile and began to unravel the twine holding them all together. Searching the room with your eyes, you saw scattered medical equipment left behind by the doctors who had been chased out of the room earlier. On the floor lay a stone bowl with a smooth rock next to it. You looked up at Dawn and pointed at it.

"The flower will need to be ground into a fine powder so we can administer it to him," you said, breaking the stalks of the flower in half. Dawn walked over and picked up the two items and brought them back to you.  You continued to break the stalk of the plant and carefully began to scrape the leaves and flowers from the top of the plant until they laid in a large pile on your lap. Taking the pile in your fingers, you rubbed it between the both hands as the smaller pieces fell into the bowl. You took the rest of the warm water from Day's washing basin and slowly added it to the powder. You looked up at Dawn, who seemed ready to cry. 

"Did you want to help me with his treatment?" You asked, forcing a warm smile. He nodded timidly and offered his hands to take the bowl and grinding stone. You motioned with your hands how to properly mix the solution. He mimicked your demonstration and worked the water and the mullein powder until it became a thick green paste.

"How is this going to help him?" he asked, his voice trembling as he continued to mix the paste. 

"Mullein leaf is a plant that has very potent effects on the respiratory system. It helps open up the lungs and promotes increased oxygen intake to the bloodstream. It works as an anti-inflammatory herb but is mostly used to assist in making strained and painful breathing more tolerable for the patient," you explained, grabbing a clean cloth from the bag he brought. 

"We need to pour the paste over this to ensure all of the string fibers are separated and strained. Can you hold the cloth for me?" you asked, handing it to him. 

"Of course," he replied, taking it from you, a small smile forming on his lips. You gently poured the paste onto the tightened cloth and watched as the fibers collected while the paste fell freely back into the bowl. Once it was emptied you took the bowl in your hands. Gathering a small amount on your fingers, you reached across to Day's head and began to apply the green mixture to his neck. Dawn set down the cloth and leaned in to watch you work. Your eyes met as you looked over at his nervous expression. 

"It's really easy to apply, did you want to give it a try. You look eager to help," you said, holding the small bowl out to him.  

"I... I'm afraid...I don't w..want to hurt him," he said, his hands shaking. You set the bowl down on the bed and took his trembling hands in yours. 

"I promise this won't hurt him. He's been given a nerve block so even if you did accidentally cause him pain, he wouldn't feel it,"  you explained, nodding down at the bowl," why don't you give it a try?"

You guided his hands down into the thick green paste and allowed him to gather a generous amount in his hands. 

"The key is to cover the front of his neck as much as possible, this will stimulate the throat muscles to open his airway," you said, encouraging him to continue. His hands became less tremorous as he brought them to his older brother's neck. He gently began to spread the paste evenly on Day's neck, careful not to press too hard. Smiling over at him you nodded in approval at his work. 

"I'll take over from here. Well done, Empire," you said proudly, "I think it's best that a professional carefully massage the neck muscles." 

With a slow and gentle movement, your fingers glided over the small muscles lining his neck. Feeling for the inflammation, you moved the paste along his skin, allowing the medicinal components of the solution to be absorbed. You worked with careful precision as the tightened muscles slid under your hands. Slowly, you positioned your hands so that you were cupping Day's chin. You used your pointer fingers to press into the corners under his jaw bone, searching for the lymph nodes. When you found them, you gently tapped them in a circular motion. Holding his neck steady, you watched for a response. Almost immediately, the emperor took in a deep breath of air as the muscles controlling his throat released their tension. His breathing began to regulate again and his lungs didn't struggle. Some of the paleness of his face began to fill with color as his body was granted a fresh helping of oxygen. 

"That was incredible!" said Dawn, happy tears in his eyes,"where did you learn to do that?!"

"My father taught me," you replied, smiling up at him, "as promising as this looks, it's his fever that worries me. Most infections burn out the body's functioning systems to the point of exhaustion. A steady fever means that the disease has progressed. His breathing and lung function are definitely improving, but it's the high temperatures in the body that can be fatal. "

 He returned a smile and allowed a stream of tears to travel down his face. You took one of the clean towels and wiped off the paste leftover on your hands. He was scared still and you could see his nimble body shake with anxiety. Realizing you made a mistake describing Day's condition to him, you held out your arms offering an embrace and he happily accepted and buried his head in your shoulder. 

"Shhh...it's ok. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said all of that to you," you cooed, stroking the small curls of hair on the back of his head. He continued to cry into your collarbone and held you tightly. 

"No. It's alright...I...I...I'd rather understand what's going on then pretend everything is ok," he answered through muffled sobs. You held him close to your bosom and comforted him the best you could. While sitting there with Dawn, you glanced back at Day, the dark rashes still glistening under the sweat on his skin. He lay there, completely still except for the soft rise and fall of his chest when he breathed. A few times, you thought you saw his head move on the pillow, but came to the conclusion your eyes were tired and playing tricks on your sight. Dawn began to calm down and backed away, drying the leftover tears from his eyes. 

"Why don't you find something to eat and take a break for a while? I'll stay here and watch over him," you said, placing your hand on his shoulder. He looked up at you, clearly concerned. 

"You promise you won't leave him?" he asked, voice still trembling from his crying spell. 

"You have my word, Empire. And if his condition changes I'll send for you," you replied, reassuring him with a timid smile. He nodded and headed out of the room, closing the door behind him. You turned your attention back to Day, who had remained motionless during your conversation. The rashes on his chest were starting to blister, forming small purple pockets.

 Reaching into the bag Dawn had brought you, you searched for the bottle of yarrow leaf ointment that was requested. Finally, your fingers found it and pulled the small container from the bag. You unscrewed the cap, which also served as a medicine dropper and squeezed the top, allowing a small amount of ointment to collect inside. You also gathered some large pieces of gauze bandages to keep nearby. Then, with bottle in hand, you began the tedious work of dispersing small doses of oil onto his festering rashes.

 Starting at the top of his collar bone, your steady hands gently allowed the oil to drop onto his skin. A few seconds later, the blister began to leak and sizzle slightly as the fluid escaped. Dabbing it tenderly, you allowed the rest of it to drain, and placed a soft piece of gauze once  the pocket was dry. As you worked your way down his torso, you couldn't help but admire the sculpted fibers of muscle that wove together in perfect alignment. You gazed at the length of his rippled abdominal muscles and were surprised to find the absence of a belly button on his stomach. Out of curiosity, you placed your fingers in the space where it would have been and marveled. Hearing the doors swing open behind you, you quickly took your hand away and continued administering the ointment. One of the men chased out of the room by Day earlier that morning entered the room, carrying IV bags and a small case in his hands. 

"Brother Dawn mentioned that you may need fluids for Empire's illness," he said, placing the supplies at the foot of the bed, "I'm sorry we could not get them to you sooner, they needed to be prepared."

"Yes. Thank you for delivering these to me," you answered, continuing to work. He bowed slightly and exited the room, looking around anxiously, as if he was expecting the Emperor to chase him out a second time. You opened the case and found the sanitizing pen and a fresh unopened IV needle. Taking the pen, you found a spot on the inside of his forearm and cleaned the skin. You removed the IV needle carefully from its packaging and lined it up along a thick vein visible from underneath the skin. Carefully, you slid the sharp point into his arm until it successfully entered the vein. You found a lead to one of the pouches, attached it to the IV in his arm, and hung the pouch on a post of the bed, allowing the liquid to drop slowly. As you taped the needle securely onto his arm, you could hear a slight noise coming from Day and he moved slightly. His eyes barely opening into small slits, he looked at you, his face expressionless. 

"Wha...what are you doing?" he asked in a raspy whisper, his chapped lips struggling to move. 

"Your body is severely dehydrated from this fever, I'm providing a fluid replacement therapy to remedy this," you answered, making sure the tape was placed properly on his arm. He glanced down at the bloody pieces of gauze on his chest from the blisters. Tears began to stream down his cheeks and he grasped tightly to the bed sheets. Through his sobs, quiet whimpers also emerged from his lips. 

"It's painful, I know. I'm sorry Empire, but I cannot give you anything more for the pain. I'm afraid you're going to have to fight through this fever," you replied, and took the cloth from his head to soak it again in the cool water basin. You wrung it out and returned it to his forehead and delicately dabbed his temple, hoping to provide some relief. He continued to cry and moan in a silent agony.

 Having suffered through the same illness yourself, you understood the intense pain he was experiencing. A fever that made your skin feel like it was on fire, and the rashes, blistering as if your body had been washed in acid. Aching muscles begging for relief so much that they would often twitch in disapproval.  You truly felt sorry for him and his current condition. Voluntarily, your free hand reached across and cupped the border of his cheek. Caressing his cheek bone with your thumb, you began to hum a simple melody; a song your mother once sang to you as a child. The notes were melancholy at best, but they were deep and soothing tones. At the sound of your voice, his eyebrows curved into a surprised but relieved expression. He looked up at you, eyelids struggling to stay open. The dry lines of cracked skin on his lips stretched slightly as he opened his mouth. A long exhale of oxygen escaped his body and he began to cease crying. He tried to speak, but was unable to find the strength to do so. 

"Shhh…, you need to sleep. Rest is the best medicine you have right now, Empire," you said, forcing a small smile. You continued to hum the somber tune, and he reached up to where you were holding his cheek and placed his large hand over yours. He applied a weak pressure as if to hold your hand in place on his skin for comfort and let out a small deep whimper. Slowly, his eyes began to close as he drifted off to sleep again. His hand slid from its position and landed softly at his side. Once he was asleep, you scanned his body again to get a reading. It beeped and a red 104°F blinked on the screen yet again. Your heart sank and out of frustration, you threw the scanner across the room. 

For the next hour or so, you jogged your memory for anything else you could think to try that your father had taught you. Nothing was coming to mind, besides the obvious: forcing the body to cool off. There were a few cases you remember back home where your father had his patients brought to the cool cave pools in the desert mountains. The change in climate was cold and encouraged the fever to lower at a slow and steady pace. Normally, you would let a fever run its course since it was the body's natural way of fighting illness. But at the high temperature the emperor's body endured for most of the day without fluctuation, it was becoming dangerous. Seeing the emperor in nothing but his skin was the last thing you wanted to do, but a cold bath was the last resort you had. Moments later, Brother Dawn walked in carrying a plate of food and walked towards you. 

"Here, it's nearly evening, I thought you might be hungry, doctor, " he said, handing the meal to you,"I'm sorry I did not come sooner, I lost my protection amulet in my rush to fetch you this morning. I did not want to return without it, my brothers would not have approved."

"You are too kind, thank you, empire," you said, and began to eat the hot meal in your hands. Time had passed so quickly you were in disbelief that you had forgotten to eat. You saw Dawn look over at his sick brother.

"Any change?" he asked, a hopeful glint in his eyes. 

"No. I'm sorry Empire. He did wake up in a daze a little while ago but has gone back to sleep since then. I've made him comfortable but I cannot give him another dose of pain medicine for another few hours," you explained, hungrily finishing the food on your plate. 

"If only I had come to you sooner...I...I...maybe he would be ok…." he said, tears filling his eyes. You set your plate down and offered your hands to him. He unlocked the amulet, releasing it from his wrist, allowing you to touch him. You took his hands and looked at him sternly.

"None of this is your fault, Dawn. I have you to thank. If you hadn't come to find me, Day would have died this morning. None of the doctors thought to search for me. You did. You are NOT responsible for his current condition. This is an illness caused by a microscopic organism. It's no one's fault and it's nothing that you did," you said to him, forcing a small smile. He returned a similar expression and squeezed your hands in response. 

"I am most grateful that you agreed to help him. I'm so sorry he acted out so violently against you," he said in a somber tone.

"Pain has a way of pushing us to do things we normally wouldn't. Believe it or not, I've dealt with more unruly patients in the past," you said, chuckling quietly to yourself. Dawn laughed along with you and wiped the rest of the tears from his face. 

"I can imagine!" he said in response. During your conversation, you could hear Day moan quietly in his sleep. On occasion, he slowly turned his head back and forth in discomfort.

"I have one more tactic I want to try. But I'm going to need your help. Can you draw a cool bath for him and mix these in the water? It's an epsom salt to help calm and soothe the muscles. I'm going to try to force his temperature down by changing the environment he's in. I'll also need you to help me walk him over to the water," you explained to him, capping off Day's IV lead and removing the oxygen tubing. 

"I can, but how are we going to get him over there if he's too weak to walk?" he asked, a confused look on his face. Reaching into the bag you brought from your room, you pulled out a small syringe and showed it to him.

"This will give him a small boost of adrenaline to get him moving. We can support him together but he'll need to walk over as we help," you explained, beginning to remove some of the sheets from on top of the Emperor's body. Dawn walked over to the corner of the room where Day's bathing pool was and prepped it for use. Luckily, you could change the temperature of the water via a small panel on the wall. The bath itself was built into the ground and had stairs leading into the water. Dawn came back over to you and sat on the bed beside you. 

"His reaction may surprise you at first. This can jolt him awake, just be prepared," you warned and turned towards the emperor. You took his hand in both of yours and spoke softly. 

"Empire...I know you're trying to rest, but we need to cool you down. I'm going to administer something to get you up. It's going to give you a boost of quick energy and I need you to walk as best you can. Can you do that?" you asked, leaning in closer to his face. He forced his eyes open and confirmed he was willing with a slow nod. 

You exposed the small needle and looked over at Dawn, who was surprisingly calm. 

"On the count of three. One... two…three…" you said and injected the adrenaline liquid into his bicep. The emperor sat up quickly and his breathing increased to large gasps of air. You and Dawn sat on either side of him and lifted his arms into both of your shoulders. Day began to moan loudly. The drug boosted everything in his nervous system including the amplification of any pain. He turned his head towards you and tears began to fall as he cried from the agony. 

"It hurts…" he said, almost whispering in a raspy deep cadance through his sobs. 

"I know, I know, empire.  But I promise once we get you into the water you'll feel much better," you said, trying to calm him down. He kept his gaze fixed on you, and for a moment you looked into the deep green hue of his eyes. They were filled with regret, pain, and anger; despite his clone status, you realized he was, in fact, as human as you were.

 At the same time, you and Dawn helped the Emperor to his feet. He whimpered in disapproval and pain but you both encouraged him to keep moving. By the time you reached the edge of the bathing pool, he was ready to collapse from the effort. His limbs were shaking and he was quickly losing strength. Stepping into the cool and refreshing water you helped Dawn lower his brother into the bathing pool, careful to make sure his IV arm rested on the ledge to keep dry. Day exhaled a loud sigh of welcome relief as the cool tide of the bath touched his skin. Looking down, you realized his pants still had to be removed. If there was any chance that this worked, his entire body from the chest down would need to be exposed to the cooler temperature of the water. 

"Empire, with your permission I'm going to need to remove the rest of your clothes for this to work," you asked timidly. He responded with a slow nod and weakly raised two fingers in approval. You took a deep breath and reached under the water, searching for the clasp to his pants. Finding it, you undid the hook of the clasp and the rest of the buttons lining the opening.  For a brief moment you closed your eyes, and mentally prepared yourself. Then, carefully, you took hold of the waist bands of his pants and undergarments and began to pull them down. He was seated on a concrete bench under the water that bordered the pool, making the back of his pants difficult to remove. Knowing you had to get a little bit closer than you were comfortable with, once again you took a deep breath. You halfway straddled him and reached behind to the small of his back to the back seam of his pants. Once you got a good hold, you tugged down. Regrettably, you had to lift him slightly from his hind quarters to fully remove the fabric. You paused only for a second and felt the toned muscles under your fingertips as they slid across the soft skin of his gluteus muscles. The fabric easily slid down to his knees. Closing your eyes, you went under the water to remove the pants the rest of the way. Thankfully, they quickly floated to the surface of the water. 

Day gave a deep sigh of happy relief as the rest of his body was exposed to the cool refreshing liquid of the bath. He instantly relaxed and started slipping under the water partially. You waded over and sat in place next to him, supporting his weight with your shoulder to keep him upright. While he breathed, small quiet  moans of relief occasionally came from his lips. Dawn, who was also in the water, sat next to his brother on the other side. He looked over at you, a more relaxed expression visible on his face. 

"Is this going to work?" he asked, in a soft voice. 

"We won't know right away. It will take a few minutes for his body to fully respond to the temperature change," you explained, "I do have an aloe solution in my bag if you want to grab that, it is a cooling agent."

Dawn carefully stepped out of the pool and went to fetch the aloe. As he did, you glanced down at the clear water below. As the ripples settled, you caught a quick glimpse of the emperor's groin. Surprisingly, he was well-endowed and a great deal larger than you had expected. Realizing that you were staring longer than was appropriate, you shook your head and quickly looked away. Dawn returned and handed you the bottle of aloe solution and a towel. Folding the towel into a neat rectangle you placed it on your shoulder, allowing Day's head to rest comfortably. Taking some of the aloe oil in your hand you began to tenderly apply some to the emperor's forehead. Thankfully, his body began to shiver a little bit but you kept his head steady on your shoulder. You could hear his teeth chatter together as he continued to shake. He moaned softly to himself, clearly uncomfortable. Holding him in place, you rested your cheek on top of his head to provide some support. 

"Easy, easy, Empire...your body is starting to cool down, shivering is just a side effect," you said softly into his ear. Dawn was still sitting on the other side of his brother, keeping the arm with the IV attached out of the water. 

"So, it's working? Is he going to be ok?" Dawn asked, a small smile on his face. 

"Yes. Shivering is a positive response and the one I was hoping for. I believe after this, your brother will be on the mend," you answered, gently cradling Day's head in your hand as he endured the temperature drop. 

"You were amazing, Doctor! I've never seen a physician as dedicated as you are," said Dawn, praising you for your efforts. 

"Most of this was trial and error, but I am very pleased with the outcome," you replied, motioning for him to grab one of the large towels by the edge of the bath," we'll need to get him out of the water soon after his shivering improves to avoid the possibility of shock to the body."

 Day became more awake and aware than he was previously and looked up at you, still shivering. He seemed perfectly comfortable with you sitting there, his entire body exposed to you. 

"Are you ready to try and stand up? We have some clean clothes waiting for you. Dawn can help you dress while I arrange for fresh linen," you said, preparing to help him stand. He nodded and slowly stood, limbs still a tad weak from the fever. He supported most of his own weight but still used you as a source of balance and security. As you both climbed the small stairs out of the bathing pool, you grabbed the scanner that had slid close to the bath's edge when you had thrown it earlier. Once Dawn got to you, he quickly helped his brother dry off while you scanned his forehead. To your relief, the fever had gone down to 99°F, and you sighed happily and laughed. 

"Did it work?!" Dawn asked excitedly, wrapping the towel around the Emperor's waist.

"It did indeed. It's truly a miracle that he's survived this. He still has a low grade fever but his body can manage this until it breaks completely," you explained, helping Dawn walk Day to a large chair near the bed. Quickly, you found clean bedding to replace the sweat soaked sheets and tossed them to the floor. Making the bed, you looked over at Day, slightly slouched over in the chair as his younger brother tended to him. He was still weak but much more lively than earlier today. Once the bed was made and Day was dressed in new lounging pants, you helped Dawn assist him back to bed. When the three of you sat, the emperor turned his head and glanced over at you. A timid smile formed at the corner of his mouth, as if to say thank you. You returned a smile and nodded in response. Gently, you supported his back as he lay down in the freshly made bed. He sighed a long exhale of relaxed relief and lay there looking up at you, eyes half open. 

You reattached the lead to his fluid line and allowed the solution to drip into the IV, continuing his hydration therapy. His breathing was slow and normal again and you felt a huge sense of relief. 

"Well done, Empire. Well done," you said as you took one of his hands in yours. He squeezed it gently and held on, wrapping his fingers around the back of your hand. You grabbed a new damp cloth and placed it on his forehead. You made eye contact with him again and smiled proudly at what a feat his body had accomplished. He returned a smile, and let out a small quiet laugh from his throat. Dawn also laughed in response, through tears that ran happily down his face.  He looked at you, glistening eyes full of relief and joy.

"Thank you so much for all you've done...I don't know what I would have done if I lost him today. You are truly a marvel when it comes to medicine, doctor," he said and threw himself at you in a strong embrace, forcing you to momentarily release your grip on Day's hand. You laughed and happily returned his embrace, with tears welling in your own eyes. 

"You are most welcome, Empire. I am honored to have been of service to you and your brothers. But I think it's time you went and got some rest. It's been a long tumultuous few hours," you advised, placing your hands on his shoulders. He nodded and looped his metal amulet back around his wrist before leaving the room. 

"You can come and visit him tomorrow morning, I promise. I'll keep watch over him tonight," you said and watched as he left the room. Turning your attention back to Day, you took a hold of his hand and watched him fall asleep, waiting for his fever to break. Only minutes passed after he fell into a deep sleep when your own eyes became heavy and you drifted off, resting your head in your arms at the side of the bed. 

As soon as you fell asleep, it seemed like the warmth of the sun touched your skin as the morning quickly approached. You ignored it and continued to rest. While you did so, you were unaware that Day had awoken before you, his fever broken and gone. He looked down at your exhausted face as you lay there, your mouth open, almost snoring as you breathed. Sitting up, he stretched and relaxed, propping himself up against the pile of pillows supporting his back. His eyes had a tender and concerned look in them, and he smiled, lips almost trembling as if he was about to cry. Reaching across, he softly stroked the loose strands of hair at the side of your head. The sudden sensation woke you and you slowly blinked your eyes in response. Surprised to see him so alert, you sat up quickly in disbelief. 

"You...you've been here this entire time?" he asked, his voice still weak from his illness. 

"The entire night, yes, Empire," you said in response, reaching for your scanner. Placing it up to his forehead you saw the tiny droplets of sweat that had formed. The scanner displayed a green 98.7°F and you grinned. His body had sweat off the rest of the fever on its own. 

"Your temperature is back to normal, a perfect number actually," you said, placing the scanner on the bed. 

"I...I am most grateful for you, doctor," he said, a small tear trailing down the side of his cheek. 

"I was only doing my job, Empire. It was nothing," you replied, drying the sweat from his brow. He gently took a hold of your wrist and looked at you sternly.

"But it wasn't nothing...you saved my life," he said with a somber tone to his voice. He released your wrist and reached the same hand up to the side of your face. His expression changed into a gentle smile. This was different from the demeaning smirks you had seen from him before. It was kind and compassionate, free of intimidation and ill intent. He meant this, and you could feel the sincerity emanating from his face. 

"You are most welcome, Empire," you said, bowing your head in reverence. He removed his hand and placed it at his side, still smiling up at you. You took his hand in yours again and gently stroked the side of his thumb. You had treated so many patients during your career that you had lost count. Many you grew close to, but this was different. You felt a need to be beside him, a quiet commitment to his well-being. Despite his sadistic treatment of you before, something had shifted within both of you. Perhaps this man of power wasn't so menacing and devious as you had originally thought. He had a hidden kindness you had never seen come to the surface and you felt a connection with him as you held his hand. No matter how you tried, you could not explain it. 

"We'll need to wean you off of these fluids. How about we get you some real food to eat?"  you asked, tilting your head to the side. 

"I think I'm up for it," he said, an even larger smile forming on his face,"as long as you're staying here with me."

"Of course, Empire. I never leave my patients," you said with a laugh and grabbed the small intercom to send for his meal, "perhaps we should tell your brothers the good news? I'm sure they'd love to see you."

"Of course," he said in response, and laid back into the pile of pillows at the head of his bed. He kept one of your hands in his palm and laced his fingers in-between yours. He slowly drifted off, his head turned sideways as he fell asleep, a satisfied grin formed across his lips. 

[nitannichionne]

If He Was YOUR Fan, Chapter 5: Top of the World (Henry Cavill x Reader Fanfic)

You finally stop in front of Westminster Abbey and you gasp.

“You said you hadn’t gotten around to it,” Henry gives a shrug so small only you can feel it since you’re holding him.

“Ohhhhhh,” you whisper, sliding off.

He takes your hand and leads you inside. There is an evening tour going on.

“Oh, we’re late--?” You gasp, about to step toward them, but Henry squeezes your hand slightly. You step back and see a young man walking toward you.

“Mr. Cavill?” he says, extending his hand. “I’m Gordon, your guide this evening.”

“Hello, Gordon,” Henry nods, shaking the man’s hand. He introduces you and you all take off in another direction, but not before some of the people in the back of tour group start to notice you. You cringe as a few phones swing your way, but unless they are using zoom, probably got nothing.

You nod through the tour, but then you finally reach it. “Yes!” You move quickly.

“Ah, so you know Poet’s Corner!” Gordon smiles.

“Yeah!” you are excited and start reading names and telling what they wrote to catch your attention. “You see, from junior high on, I started reading these people. They were such a comfort, such a getaway, so inspiring, you know?  I absolutely loved them.” Your eyes are bright with tears.

“Your favorite English poet?”

“I don’t know, they all said things that struck me,” you say. “I mean, like Elizabeth Barrett Browning-she started writing when she was eleven! I was twelve!” you laugh, shaking your head. “Thomas Hardy—but not his heart, it’s with his wife, and then—” you sigh. “then there’s Herrick…” your face tears up. “He was the one who made me feel like I was beautiful no matter what—”

“Not Shakespeare?” Henry asks.

“No!” you laugh. “I love Shakespeare, but there is this poem called ‘Delight In Disorder?’ Or ‘No Fault In Women? No?” you take a breath. “He talked about how our imperfections make us beautiful. I mean, men don’t act that way, but I thought, if one can see it, maybe there was hope—” You stop, realizing you were about to say something terribly personal, and turn back to the memorial, hugging yourself. “It’s a beautiful place, really!” You gaze upon the entire monument of graves, tablets and busts, trying to memorize everything, but your vision blurs with tears. “You probably think I’m silly—” You turn and see Gordon and Henry standing and smiling. “Yeah, you do.”

“No, madam,” Gordon nods respectfully. “I think you get it.”

Henry puts his arm around you. “Need more time?”

“Oh, I could stand here forever—” But from a distance, you hear a group coming in and you look up at him. “We should go. It isn’t going anywhere, right?”

Henry nods slowly. “Right.”

You finish the tour and Gordon walks you to the door.

“It’s been an honor, sir—” Gordon nods to Henry who nods back, then looks at you and half bows. “and a great privilege, madam.”

“Thank you,” you whisper.

You walk away, and Henry pulls you closer to him as you walk out. “I think you made his day, pet.”

You gasp softly. “Why? What—”

“Not everyone loves literature and writing as you do,” he smiles down at you. “people like you are why Poets Corner is there-to remember and inspire the present and future with the past. I am quite sure he’ll never forget you.”

Your cheeks heat, feeling embarrassed. “I have been there before, but…it’s so, so, so—”

He kisses your temple. “Nothing to explain, darling,” he whispers. “nothing to explain.”

You move on and once again, Henry has made a reservation:

“Oh, my God, what a beautiful view!” you breathe as you ascend in the London Eye, looking at London from a bird’s eye view via ferris wheel. “This is great!”

You look at the virtual guide, which is a map of the city from on high with buttons one can push for information. Henry steps behind you and presses each one, systematically giving you a quick overview of downtown London. His voice is smooth and cultured, his words measured and articulate, total poetry in motion as he tells you about each site by heart. You try to listen, but the feel of his body behind, you the firmness and warmth of it, the softness of his lips as they brush your ear perhaps accidentally, the sound his voice that causes you relax against him, makes you a poor student at the moment.

At the height of the wheel, overlooking twinkling city of London and the moonlit river, Henry slowly turns you toward him and kisses you. You’ve been waiting for this; your first kiss was hot and branding, and you craved more, even that reckless and delicious yet aching feeling that he started in the pit of your stomach before. He doesn’t disappoint, and you arch to him again, his arms on either side of you and hands on the sightseeing console trapping you in his embrace. You rake his back, your finger tips digging into the small of his back, and he lifts his head with a small gasp as his hips surge forward compelling you to widen your stance.

“You have really got to stop that,” he smiles down at you with hooded eyes, his breathing quickened once again.

You are panting. “I’m not sure I can.” You do it again, and love the feel of him. His eyes are smoldering. Not here, you think. Not here. Ever?

But the answer was in his eyes as you private car starts downward. “Let’s…head to my place. Still got all that food from Godfrey’s.”

“Oooh, and olives!” you say excitedly, running your fingers through his hair. “I saw wine in there. We’ll make appetizers.”

He frowns slightly and nods, a small smile forming on his lips. “Alright, then. Sounds like a plan…when we get down from here.”

“We’re heading down,” you remind him, feeling a bit nervous now that you feel the wetness of your own arousal, your heartbeat thudding in your ears. You are beginning to ache for him, and you hope he doesn’t know that your heart and body are having a hard time being reined in by your mind and good sense.

“Got about ten minutes,” He whispers. “I’ll think of something…” He lowers his head to recapture your mouth with his and you arch again to his caresses, allowing yourself to surrender to his embrace knowing the night hides you and that reality would come before your ultimate surrender when you reach the ground.

@mistress-of-ward​ @nuggsmum @messyinsomniacbookgirl @jencanbeyouryengeralt​ @sweetdreamsofgelato​ @maryann84 @omgkatinka​ @the-soot-sprite @viking-raider @keanureevesisbae​ @henryobsessed​ @summersong69​ @kinbhot4henners​ @sunshine96love​ @michelehansel​ @radofrivia @thelastsock​ @michelehansel @tumblnewby​

Thanks for the follows and the messages! I’m really having fun with this and it makes me happy you are, too! Let me know if you want to be on the tag list.

[redisriding]

The Right Swipe - Chapter Five

A Court of Thorns and Roses Modern AU Fanfic

All character’s belong to the wonderful Sarah J Maas.

Tag List: @superspiritfestival  @duskandstarlight @perseusannabeth​ @courtofjurdan​ @omg-aelin​ @keshavomit​ ​ @rainbowcheetah512​

Azriel’s hands trembled as he punched the numbers into his phone. He had said he would call at this time. His promise, more to himself than her, the only thing holding him to actually going through with the call. Two hours ago he had told Cassian he was coming down with a migraine and had retired to his room. He had lay on his bed, as darkness slowly consumed the room, counting down the time until the call. Thinking up excuses to get him out of calling. Only to talk himself out of the excuses and into going through with it. 

There was one thing that Azriel wanted more than anything and that was to be in love. He often wondered that if the lie, the illusion of love he had lived for ten years had felt that good then what would the real thing feel like? When someone you loved, loved you back in the way they were meant to. 

There was a part of Azriel that thought he wasn’t worthy of such things, that there was nothing especially appealing about him that would make someone fall in love with him, the real him, not the fame and not the money. 

But another part of him, the logical part, knew that everyone was deserving of love. That everyone would find their person when the time was right. That included him. 

He also knew, however, that if he wanted to find his person, or let them find him, he needed to put himself out there and not cloister himself away in his apartment. No matter how safe he felt. 

So, hands shaking, heart hammering, Azriel pressed the call button and placed his phone to his ear. 

Time seemed to slow. The ringing in his ear going on forever. 

In reality however, she picked up on the third ring.

“Hello?” She answered. 

Adrenaline spiked through Azriel. For all of his anxiety about making the phone call, he hadn’t actually thought through what he would say when she picked up. Maybe he hadn’t really believed that she would.  

He felt sweat prick on his lip, his heart now pounding so hard it threatened to break free of the cage that were his ribs.

They had called to have a conversation, to get to know each other better than they could over messages, and yet every single thought emptied from Azriel’s head. What on earth did he say to her?

“Hello?” She repeated. 

Say something Azriel he screamed at himself. 

“Ugh…hi.”

Smooth. 

“Azriel?”

He closed his eyes. Her voice was light and airy. Soft. Kind. His name sounded nice falling from her mouth. 

“Yeah…Elain?”

“Yes! Hi!”

“Hi.”

Silence descended between them again. Azriel desperately tried to think of something to say. To try and remember something from their Swipe conversations, and still he was drawing a blank. 

“This is a bit awkward, isn’t it?” Elain giggled. 

The sound was so light and infectious that Azriel couldn’t help but huff a laugh. “Just a bit…I, ugh, don’t really know that to say.”

“Me neither.”

“I’ve never done this before.”

“Called some random woman from Swipe?”

“Ugh…talked to someone I don’t know on the phone.”

“No one?”

“At all.”

“What about when you order pizza?”

“I use an app.”

“What about when you have to call a plumper or your bank?”

“I have people for that.”

Elain laughed again “Ooooh okay Mr Bigshot? What do you mean you have people for that?”

“Ugh…well…I have an agent who looks after my affairs.”

“Oh wow, you really are a big shot.”

“No, not really.”

“So, are you some sort of Ward of the State?”

It was Azriel’s turn to laugh. “No, I’m perfectly capable of looking after my own affairs…I just don’t.”

Silence fell between them again, but there was less panic coursing through Azriel now. 

“Azriel,” Elain whispered after a moment.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to video call?”

“Eh—.”

“So we can actually see each other’s faces, it might be a bit…less weird?”

Azriel paused for a moment, considering. Actually, maybe it would be easier if he could see her face, read her expressions. “Yeah okay.”

“Okay. I’ll call you right back.”

“Okay.

“Okay.”

There was another pause, and Azriel was sure he heard Elain take a deep breath before the line went dead. 

He pulled his phone away from his ear and stared at it. His world somehow seemed greyer after speaking to Elain than it had before. Like she was the colour and light he was missing. 

In an eruption of light, startling Azriel and causing his just settled heart to again pick up its hammering, his phone displayed and incoming call from a number he presumed belonged to Elain. 

He punched the accept button. “Hey!”

Elain’s face filled the screen. 

Azriel’s pounding heart skipped for a second. 

She was stunning. 

Soft brown-blonde hair fell in waves framing her heart shaped face. Her eyes were big and brown, doe-like. With high cheekbones and soft pouty lips her beauty was soft, adorable. 

Azriel felt the binds he chained around his heart loosen. 

“Oooh,” she squeaked, “You’re in the dark?”

“Oh sorry,” he said as he stumbled from his bed, to try and find the light switch.

“Azriel?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you not want me to see your face?”

“Ugh—.”

“Because your profile pictures seem purposefully obscured. You suggested calling rather than meeting up at first. You hesitated when I asked if you want to video call. Now your room is dark?”

“No, I—.”

“If there is something wrong with your face, if you have scarring or something, I don’t—.”

Azriel’s fingers found the switch, light illuminating the room. He grinned at Elain’s sweet face twisted in a frown, her expression then turning to one of surprise.

“Oh!” She whispered, “Very beautiful.”

Azriel only grinned wider as she caught herself, even on the screen he could see the pink blush that flooded her cheeks. 

“I mean,” she stumbled over her words, “Not beautiful, just that…well…eh…not that it's not beautiful, just that…there’s nothing wrong with—.”

“Elain?”

“I just mean that I don’t see why you would hide your face,” she finally exclaimed. 

“Thank you,” he said, chuckling at how flustered she had become. 

“Why did you hide your face?”

“Oh eh…”Azriel hesitated. 

Elain didn’t appear to recognise him. He didn’t want her impression of him to change if she knew what he did for a living. 

Then again, hadn’t he lectured Cassian only yesterday about how it was important to be his authentic self. And wasn’t Cassian, not having taken his advice on board, now sitting on Azriel’s couch watching endless reality TV and eating chocolate? 

“Yeah, I didn’t want to make myself too easily recognisable just in case.”

“In case of what?”

“So…I don’t really know how to say this without sounding pretentious so I’m just going to say it.”

“Okay?” There was a lightness to Elain’s voice, like she was laughing. 

“Do you know who I am?”

“Eh…aside from the guy I matched with on Swipe, no. I don’t know anything about you.”

“Good! That ugh…makes a change. See Elain, a lot of people in this town know me…I…do you like hockey?”

“Hockey?”

“Yeah.”

“Not especially.”

“So you don’t follow the Velaris Black Wings?”

“No.”

“Oh…well…I joined the team this season. It was kind of a big signing, publicity-wise.”

“Oh my gods!” Elain exclaimed. 

Azriel felt his stomach drop. This was going to go either one of two ways and both were bad for him. One, she was going to be wooed by his money and fame. To want to get close to him because of that. Not give a damn about him as a person. The second option, was that she would want nothing to do with him, because of the money and the fame. Not to be able to see past those things to the person he was. 

He held his breath waiting for Elain to say something further. To reveal which of the two she was. 

“You’re such a liar.”

His heart sank. 

Gods this was impossible. 

Maybe he should give up on the whole dating thing until he was retired and happily back hiding in the Illyrian mountains. Although from Cassian’s reports, there wasn’t much hope there either.

“Elain—.”

“You are a Mr Bigshot!” 

Azriel paused, the breath leaving him in a sudden rush. She was neither enamoured or repulsed…she was joking with him?

He smiled at her shyly through the screen. 

“I can totally see, why you would want to keep your identity private,” she continued. 

“Yeah, I just don’t want to attract a lot of attention if I can avoid it.” 

“Makes sense.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They lapsed back into silence. An easy one this time, as they smiled at each other. 

It was Azriel who broke it, “Nice plant.”

“Oh this?” Elain moved to look at the leafy thing that was sprawling behind her shoulder. “Thanks, I’m nursing it back to health.”

“Forget to water it?”

“No, I found it in my sister’s coffee shop, dying. I asked her to smuggle it out for me so I could save it.”

Azriel chuckled, those chains around his heart slackening once more. “You like plants?”

“I love to grow things. To see little seedlings emerge from the soil, so brave, to grow into trees big and tall, or flowers bright and beautiful,” she shrugged blushing slightly, “It’s nice.”

“Maybe I should get some plants to liven up my apartment, it’s pretty grey…minimalist apparently.”

“Oh you absolutely should!”

And with that Elain launched into a discussion about which plants did best in what environments and which ones might suit his apartment best. 

Azriel leaned back on his bed, head against the pillow, content to listen to her talk for hours. 

[a-forgotten-spirit]

Love Isn’t An Illusion (5)

Pairing: Todoroki x Bakugou, Todoroki x Reader x Bakugou, VERY SLOW BUILD

Summary: Studying, exams and lead up to the practical exam

Words: +-6600

Warnings: Anxiety, stress, overthinking, feelings of pressure, over working, unhealthy habits, over studying, not eating, not sleeping, getting thinner, (aggressive) caring Bakugou, Monoma, angy boom boom boy, fear of failure, swearing

Tagged:  @kittycatspervertedheart​ @lemorrite​ @gwendlynn​ @marleps​ @thicctati2​ @saitamastamaticsoup​ @succulent-momma​ @aurorahoneybuns​ @imjusttireddudes​ @misconceptualised​ @ochabby​ @katsukisuwus​ @gayverlinq​ @star-witchs-blog​ @fallbb123

A/N:  I wrote this for the fans. I do not own My Hero academia or the characters, I don’t own most of the plot for this story, I had watched the show and re-written the dialogue and plot as if the reader was the main character. Everything is centred around the reader. Please comment, makes me happy. Ask if you wish to be tagged. I’m thinking of making a patreon for exclusive fanfics and commissions, comment/ask/message your thoughts.

Masterlist

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

_______________________________________________________________

Chapter 5 Y/N P.O.V

Once Aizawa left the room Kaminari and Mina were yelling within seconds “It’s true we haven’t had much free time” Tokoyami but in. I’ve had heaps of free time, you just cut out sleep and boom like 9 hours of studying ready for you. I had come first in the midterms so I couldn’t fall behind now.

“As someone who ranked in the top ten I'm not that concerned” Mineta smiled spinning in his chair. It was quite often my brain ignored that he was athletic and semi-decently smart. Though his personality ranked quite low in the class so overall he wasn’t doing exceptionally well. 

“What you’re tenth in the midterms” both Kaminari and Mina yelled out in unison. They were the bottom two, I couldn’t imagine the stress of that. I can’t deal with being first not to mention being last. I think I was going to faint, just thinking about it sent shivers down my spine. 

“Ashido, Kaminari. We still have time to study and we’ll all get to go to the training camp together” he had ranked fifth I had completely forgotten about the camp far too focused on not failing I must have excused that from my memory. I was glad Midoriya brought it up, now I was forced to converse with my parents at a later date. “Right” he questioned with a smile, hands clenched and happy.  

“Yes, as class rep, I have hopes we will make UA proud” Iida was in third place in the class. How was he holding it together, I wanted to ask him for his secrets. To give me guidance. I needed the help, I needed to train. I had so little time. 

“It’s pretty hard to fail if you just pay attention in class, isn’t it” Todoroki’s voice was so bland and he spoke, his words were true. Like there was no way I could fail, right, right? I could feel my heart beating so quickly. Todoroki had ranked sixth in the class, how was he being so calm. I was stressing beyond belief.

“Why you gotta cut me down like that” Kaminari was holding his chest, kneeling on the floor. I nodded, I felt the same. Everyone in the top ten seemed to calm and here I was in first place having a small crisis. I thought I had gotten over my nerves but not at least not for my education. 

“Hey don’t worry you two, I can catch you up to speed on certain topics if you want” Yaoyorozu was so nice, maybe I would ask if I too could join. She ranked second, I needed to ask her as well as how she wasn’t stressing. Was it the fact she wasn’t number one? Was it something else? Did she not care? Anyone give me an answer. I had study sessions but they slowly died down with the class. I was collapsing and I needed support. Mina and Kaminari took her up on the offer. “I’m afraid I won’t be any help when it comes to the practical though” she sulked, an aura radiating off her from the corner of the room as she sat down in her chair. 

“I’ve been studying but can you help me out too, I’m having some trouble understanding quadratic functions,” Jirou asked holding up her book. I too had struggled with them, a whole night of rewriting them, listening to a youtube video about them and then reading about them had solved that issue. Jirou ranked eighth in the class.

“Tutor me please, classical Japanese is killing me” Sero had his hands above his hand in a ‘praying’ formation, he ranked eighteenth. Classical Japanese was a lot of work but again some videos and all-nighter. I think I had got it to a T, though what if I had missed something… My lord what if I had missed something.

Ojiro walked over his shoulders slouched and hand in the air like he was volunteering “Is their room for one more, I’m falling behind a little” at least he was honest. Ojiro ranked ninth so he was still in the top ten but I could see his stress. I was listening in from my desk as my hands shook. 

They all asked in unison for help and Yoayarozu looked stunned for a moment, her hands coming to her lips as her eyes sparkled “This is wonderful” she shouted, her seat moving back as she jumped up, hands in the air happily. How could she be happy at a time like this? “Yes let’s do it, ok we can hold a study session at my residence over the weekend” she smiled hands clasped together. 

“Seriously, I can’t wait to see your fancy digs” Mina smiled as she bounced over. Yaoyarozu looked so happy, a blush forming along her cheeks, hands fisted near her face. Her smile was beautiful, she was beautiful. How could she be smart and pretty?

“I must call mother and ask to set up the great hall, it’ll be the perfect spot” Did she just say great hall, she was joking right. She didn’t have that kinda space just laying around. “What kind of tea does everyone like, I'll make sure we are stocked” everyone looked about as shocked as I was, sure I knew she was rich but this was just wow. She continued to go on about what her family drank and that if it wasn’t to your liking she would buy some. Such a good host and we were still at school. 

“Sounds like I should be studying with her” Kirishima smiled at the group forming at the back of the room, he was ranked sixteenth. I couldn’t blame him, she seemed so confident and wise. How was she so happy, how was she able to make time for other people when she too had to study. Sure I could do it a few weeks ago but right now? A week before the exam, how was she doing it?  

“Think I don’t know enough, maybe I should beat the lessons into your skull” Bakugou growled out, he ranked fourth. He was another I forgot was smart. He was always so loud and angry but he did care dearly for his education and becoming the best so it made sense why he was like that. Bakugou looked so angry teeth grit and eyes wide, was he mad that Kirishima even suggested going with someone else. 

“I'm counting on it,” Kirishima smiled and nodded happily to the seething Bakugou. I don’t often see Kirishima without a smile, he was always so happy. Give me tips, please. I was on the verge of passing out, whether it be from stress, sleep deprivation or the four cups of coffee wearing off I wasn’t sure. “God I wish I was Y/N. Not a care in the world” Kirishima sighed and I watched as everyone turned their attention to me shaking at my desk. 

“Yeah I know right” Sero agreed his head down, I heard a few more agree. Lord if only they knew how fast my heart was beating at the thought. “I don’t know how you can even get 100%” there was so much pressure, my head was spinning as I felt faint. 

My hand rose, shaking as I shook my head “I am very stressed” I stuttered and everyone stopped turning to my shaking figure as I went to stand and my legs wobbled. “I think I’m about to have a heart attack,” I said calmly and sighed out unevenly. 

“What, why, you’re so smart. Our study sessions were like you were a teacher. I don’t know how you find the time” Mina jumped to my desk as I stood up straight, my hands coming to rub my cheeks the end of my sleeves dragging along my skin. 

“Yeah, you are incredibly smart” Kaminari agreed. “I could never come first” he sighed and everyone slowly walked over. I was rubbing my face still, slowly and shakily. They all thought I was so smart, I had so much pressure. “How do you have time?” he asked. 

“I don’t sleep” I looked up, my eyes baggy and black. I might as well have been a walking corpse. “I studied over 300 hours for the last test. I can’t even imagine the time I’ve put into this one” I shivered and saw wide eyes and feared looks. “Am I allowed to the study sessions as well?” I asked slowly. 

“I think you need some sleep” Yaoyarozu spoke and came to rub my back calmly. I could fall asleep to this, I could fall asleep standing I was so tired. “But if you want to come you are more than welcome” she smiled nodding. “I’ll make you some nice calming tea” 

I grabbed her hands bowing my head “Thank you” I whispered and looked up seeing her happy face smiling, she was pretty “If I could marry you, I would” I whispered and she flushed as I heard some laughter. “I’m not joking, the idea of studying with calming tea is marriage material and no one can tell me otherwise” I bowed again. She blushed more and bowed back. 

Then came lunch, we all walked to the lunchroom and sat down. We all sat at one big table and when I sat down I brought out my notes books and pens. This was half an hour I got to study, the lords are truly smiling upon me. As I began to write I could feel eyes on me. 

“Are you not eating?” Mina asked slowly pointing down to my book “You can take a half an hour break to eat Y/N” I looked down to my book, I was hungry. When had I eaten last? I wasn’t sure yesterday, maybe. The day before. I was far too stressed and busy to eat. 

“Well it’s an extra half an hour” I answered and saw the looks I was getting. “I have to do my best you know” I clicked the lid of my pen to the bottom of it and began to write again. 

“When was the last time you ate,” Bakugou asked and I turned, we were sitting next to each other. He had asked me last time as well. He took a lot of care for his body, his athleticism was proof of that. Why was everyone so worried for me?

“Um,” I paused and tried to think about it “I had some rice, Saturday” I questioned and shook my head “I’m fine though, really” I smiled but even that was using energy my body didn’t have. 

“Are you kidding?” Kirishima asked and I looked down shaking my head “I could never” he whispered and looked over my body. I too looked down, was I getting smaller? I pulled on my UA jumper and then flattened it to my body. There was a lot of excess fabric but I liked my jumpers bigger. 

I saw a bowl placed in front of me as books were moved out of the way “Eat” Bakugou demanded and I looked down to the bowl of rice with soup and noodles, odd but it looked good. I shook my head and smiled about talking when I was handed some chopsticks. “I said to eat” he growled. 

My stomach growled loudly, I hadn’t noticed just how hungry I was “Thank you” I whispered and placed my hands together in a thank you for the food. Picking up the bowel I began to eat and saw him eating something else he had brought. A few mouthfuls and I placed it down. “Thank you again” I went to grab my book but my hand was stopped. 

“Eat it all” he ordered and moved the bowl back “You look dead” he added and took another bite of his food. I touched my face, did I look that bad. The noodles had a nice spice to it and were about to shake my head once more when I was glared at. Giving up I continued to eat until a loud banging was heard. 

“Oh sorry, your head is so big that it’s hard to miss” it was the preppy boy from 1-B, the one who was a real jerk ward. I lowered Bakugous’ bowl and watched how this would play out. He was rude and had a grudge against 1-A. Maybe he hadn’t gotten in or maybe he just didn’t like us. 

“You’re the kid from class 1-B. Um. Monomo right?” Midoriya asked rubbing the back of his head with wide eyes. Had he hit him, from the sound I thought it was the table, it was quite loud? Why was he talking to our class again? “That hurt” Midoriya yelled as he continued to rub the tender area at the back of his head.

“You guys stumbled across the Hero Killer” Now I was more interested in the conversation, the whole table was. “Just like in the sports festival, class 1-A isn’t happy unless they are the centre of attention but you know you aren’t in the spotlight because people think you’re good heroes, right?” even his voice was annoying. Did he only come here to make fun of us, was that it? “It’s just that you keep getting into so much trouble. Here’s food for thought someday the rest of us might get caught up in your mess and then we will all become victims as well” his smile was wide and menacing. He did have it out for us. “What kind of horrible villain will you bring down upon us?” he continued. 

“Are you done?” I asked my eyes slowly looking over to him, too slowly to not be creepy. He seemed to sense it too. “I’m not in the mood to deal with your insecurities right now” I continued and he looked offended. Wait, did I say that out loud?

“Excuse me” his eyes widened and he huffed turning his eyes towards my own, trying to explode my head, or maybe he was constipated. I rose and eyebrow in confusion as some of my fellow class chuckled. “Say that aga-” he was cut off. 

I watched as the redhead walked up, slapping him upside the head within a second he was on the floor holding the spot, now he knows how Midoriya felt. “That’s not funny Monoma, you heard what happened to Iida, chill out” 

“Kendo” Iida called out his hand up about to respond again. She seemed to be everywhere the little rascal blonde went. I was about two seconds away from sticking him in an endless cube for twenty minutes. 

“I apologise for him. I’m pretty sure there’s a hole where his heart should be'' she began, he should apologise for himself. Though when I looked down I should see him dangling in her grasp, did she knock him out? “So I was listening about what’s going to be on the big final practical. I heard it’s going to be combat against robots like the entrance exam” everyone straightened up now far more intrigued with the new information “One of my friends who is a few grades up filled me in. You know, cheating but oh well” I could beat them, right. I got in on recommendation so I didn’t know but I fought them in the festival and they seemed pretty easy. 

Midoriya began to mumble to himself as I picked the food back up and looked down to my notes, the book was closed seconds later. Bakugous’ hand retreating as he pointed to the food in my bowl. I continued to eat, he did care about people in strange ways but still cared nonetheless. 

“What kind of idiot are you Kendo” so the preppy boy was awake again. My eyes rolled by themselves this time. “You just gave away our whole strategic advantage” he whispered angrily his head rising, eyes wide as his smile. Was he ok? “This was our chance to finally pull ahead of that class full of idiots” another slap to the back of the head and he was out, being pulled out by Kendo who was calling him an idiot. A true saviour to class 1-A. Before lunch ended I made sure to give Bakugou his bowl and chopsticks back, thanking him again and asking if I could come to his study session. He agreed, a shrug but still agreed. 

After lunch, everyone was talking about how the practical would be easy. It was only the exam they were now worried about. I was still stressing about every second but that was my problem. “It shouldn’t matter whether it’s robots or actual people, why are you morons so excited” the question was directed to Kaminari and Mina, they were offended by what he said but their words died down when he began to shout “Shut up” he got angry so quickly, I don’t know how he did it. “You need to learn how to control your quirk, you got it” I had to admit he had a point, they did need better control and out of everyone in the class, I think he was in the top for harnessing his quirk. “Hey Deku” his voice growled, this was the most I had heard him talk in a while. “I wanna know what’s going on with your power. I saw the way you’re using it now and I want you to know it’s seriously pissing me off” his eyes were narrowed and hands in his pockets. The training exercise, just like how he moved, had he been bottling this up for a few weeks? “I won’t have another half-ass fight, like the festival, we will be getting individual scores in the upcoming finals. New rankings” his teeth grit and his hand rose quickly pointing to the scared looking male “So we will all know exactly where we are standing. I’ll show you how much better I am and Todoroki, I’ll kill you too” with that he walked from the room, the door slamming shut. 

My hands came to my cheeks once more “Am I not seen as a threat” I whispered and saw a few faces at my stress. “Oh my, does he not see me as a threat” I whispered “I was the one who beat him” I added and sighed “Although not through physical strength” Bakugou didn’t see me as a threat. I fell into my seat, my head on the desk. “Oh no,” I sighed my forehead against the wood. 

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen him that worked up,” Kirishima told the class then walked over and I felt a hand on my back “I’m sure he sees you as a threat, the other two are just” he paused and I rose my head slowly “people he doesn’t like” my head came crashing back to the table. 

-

When the weekend rolled around, a group of us met at Yaoyarozus’ place, it was massive. Sure, I knew my house was big but this was something else entirely. We stood in awe, I had managed to get some sleep the night prior, regretted it in the morning but I had a bit more energy for the day ahead which I didn’t regret. 

“I knew her family had cash but I didn’t know she was this rich” Kaminari voiced all our thoughts, we all nodded in unison. It looked like her house went on for acres, and I didn’t doubt it did. 

Moving forward to press the bell a voice came through and the gates were open. All six of us walked to her house, large and beautiful. I didn’t understand the need for space but I could appreciate it. We were moved into the ‘great hall’ and we all sat down. Jirou, Kaminari and Sero on one side and Mina, Ojiro and I on the other books ready and awaiting our host. 

It was strange seeing the others in normal clothing and I looked down seeing the baggy jumper, black ripped jeans and boots I wore on my days off. Though the boots I had to imagine, taking off our shoes before entering the house. I wouldn’t want dirt in here either. 

“I could not feel any more out of place right now” Ojiro voiced and I nodded and Sero agreed verbally. It was a beautiful house and well taken care of. I couldn’t believe this is what Yaoyarozu came home to every day. 

She walked in pushing a tray of tea, she was wearing a red shirt and white shorts. Even though they were ‘normal’ clothes she still looked proper in every way. She was so nice to let us over to study, honestly a gift to my week. Hours of studying went by and I got ahold of everything, I needed to do more. I was given calming tea as I shook and stressed. 

“Marry me” I turned my eyes wide and hopeful. Yaoyarozu was a goddess in the body of a human. She had laughed and continued with the lesson. Over the weekend I met with that group of a day and Bakugou and Kirishima at night. A little over twelve hours of study with other people a day and then my study at home. 

“How are your notes so neat?” Kirishima asked leaning over to look at my notes in the booth, having met in a cafe. I looked down, my notes were mostly colour coded for different things, having many pens and highlighters. 

“I have a fear of failure” I stated and he nodded. I helped the two organise by colour coded and it seemed to help Kirishima get the hang of a few things “Look, cover, write, check” I wrote down on a posted note for him, sticking the paper to his book neatly. “The motto I live by, or just keep doing it until it’s engraved in your brain for eternity” I smiled and Bakugou nodded in agreement. 

“So manly” he nodded and started my technique, this went on for a few hours until we parted ways and I let him borrow one of the study books I was done with having memorized it. He looked about ready to cry “I owe you my life” he bowed and I laughed. 

Going home, eating something and then back up to my room to continue studying. Every day this week I had worked on my quirk. Expanding my area, how long I could do it for, how many things I could create, size, density. Everything had to be perfect. I worked night and day to be the best. I was going to stay in the top spot. I could do this. I hoped, begged. 

The weekend went quickly but the night before the exam I slept more hours then I did the whole week, waking up I felt ‘refreshed’ and ready. I practically sprinted to school my head high and my mind ready. I had an illusion of the answers beside me, to make sure I didn’t forget anything. Answers I had studied and worked my ass off. The first exam was long and I powered through the answers, seeming to know every single one. I didn’t stop writing for the entire time, I was proud of myself. 

The third day was finally over, I felt my heartbeat again “Alright pencils down, the last person of each row bring the answers to me” My page was collected and I felt a weight off my shoulders. I was breathing again, was oxygen always this good?

Yaoyarozu was then bombarded with Kaminari and Mina thanking her, I said it but I wouldn’t bet she could hear me over them. They had answered every question which was good to hear. They gave it a go. Later that day Kirishima had asked why I thanked Yaoyorozu and then the class was surprised to know I went to both sessions with the groups and then studied more at home. 

The practical was still to come, I looked down at my hands. Was I ready? I had trained so hard every day, was I ready for this? I shook my head then nodded, yes, I was. I had gone up against villains, murders, Nomus and won. I can beat a few robots… There were no robots. 

We were all in our hero costumes standing in front of the teachers. I was shitting bricks, to say the least. “Now then, let’s begin the last test, remember it’s possible to fail this final. If you want to go camping, don’t make any stupid mistakes” Aizawa warned. I was petrified, were all the teachers going to watch us?

“Why are all the teachers here?” Jirou questioned, good now I didn’t have to talk, a small sigh left my lips in relief. I thought it would only be Aizawa, maybe All Might if we were lucky not all of them.

“I expect many of you have gathered information and believe you have some idea of what you’ll be faced with today” I froze, we weren’t fighting robots were we? Of course, it would change for our year, why wouldn’t it?

“We’ll be fighting those big metal robots” Kaminari shouted leaning back as if to allow as much sound from his body as possible… he most likely did do that. His hands were out and Mina joined in happily smiling. 

I watched as Aizawa’s scarf ruffled then Principal Nezu popped out “This year's test has been changed for various reasons” he smiled, I felt my heart sink. I was right, I was too right. Why was I right, why couldn’t we just fight the robots? “The test now has a new focus” he lowered himself with Aizawa's’ scarf and the help of No.13 “It’ll be hero work of course but also teamwork and combat against actual people. So what does that mean for you, your students will be in pairs and your opponents will be one of our esteemed UA teachers. Isn’t that fabulous” I was going to throw up. My hands were shaking as I put my hand over my mouth to try and get myself together. 

“Additionally your partners and opponents have already been chosen” I was mad at that. If I lost because of my partner I was not going to be impressed. “They were determined under my discretion based on various factors including fighting style, grades and interpersonal relationships” this wasn’t going to end well. I was so sure, I was going to win but the idea of having to not only watch myself but someone else was a lot of work. “First Yaoyorozu and Todoroki are a team” he smiled pulling his scarf up “Against me. Then we have Midoriya paired with Bakugou” they turned to each other and I could feel the tension circle our group. “And their opponent is” 

A loud bang and there was All Might in all his glory suited up and ready to fight “I am here” his fist was out and my heart fluttered in fear. I was so glad I wasn’t them. It was good to know I wasn’t going to be fighting the top hero and a little insulting knowing I was the first by grades and in the festival. I tried not to take it personally… I took it personally. “To fight” first Bakugou and now the teachers. “You’re going to have to work together boys, if you want to win” his smile only grew with a chuckle. 

-

Teachers P.O.V (third person)

The teachers began to talk about the exam, explaining why it needed to be changed and how. Some teachers were against the idea but the topic of the league of villains attacking once more quickly changed their minds, why wouldn’t it? The heroes in training need to be ready if anything ever happens. Hero Killer Stain may be gone, but for how long, how long until someone takes his place? Everyone was now on the same page about the students fighting the teachers. 

“Right, now let’s talk about the teams” Aizawa held a pile of papers in his hand, looking down at the first team “First, Todoroki, he’s doing quite well generally speaking but relies too much on brute force. Yaoyorozu is an all-rounder but lacks the ability to make spur of the moment decisions and apply them. Therefore I’ll erase their quirks and take advantage of their weaknesses” with the simple explanation all the teachers had agreed happily. It was fair, one liked to take control while the other feared to make decisions by erasing their quirks they would have to work together. “Next for Midoriya and Bakugou I’m leaving them to you All Might,” said male looked confused a little taken back by the conclusion of his pair. “In this case, I didn’t pair the two based on ability or classwork, I went with relationships. I know you’ve got a soft spot for Midoriya, please ensure that they learn something” Aizawa pointed out and. 

“I will do my best” All Might nod in affirmative. It would be hard for the number one Hero, he did have a soft spot for the green-headed successor but he also had a soft spot for the explosive teen who loved to cause damage. He was nervous but would do what he needed. 

“The next group is Anyama and Uraraka, I picked this pair based on relationships as well. I have never seen them talk and in the hero world you will need to pair with random heroes, they need to learn to pair with whoever” Aizawa explained then looked to No. 13 “I have paired them with you, both their quirks will be easy to fend off with your own and they will need to think outside the box” 

“I see” No 13 pondered then nodded “I look forward to facing them, I hope they can work well together” she concluded with the other teachers agreeing. As she was given the papers to learn more about them and how their quirks worked. 

“Forwarding on, Ashido and Kaminari this pair is based purely on grades. They are the lowest in class but seem to work well together. They both need work on their quirks so this is why I'm pairing them with Nezu. They need to think outside the box and quickly as well as together” Aizawas’ eyes turned to Neku who was smiling and quite happy to take the pages of the two students' information. 

“Very good thinking” Nezu nodded his eyes growing narrowed and smirking “I am quite excited to face these two in the exam” everyone knew Nezus’ past and his slight dislike for the human race. 

“Moving onto Tsu and Tokoyami both strong quirks but both are long-distance fighters, preferring to stay back. Relying heavily on their quirks. So Ectoplasm” Aizawa’s eyes moved to the Pro who nodded indicating he was listening. “Your clones will provide close combat as well as distance. They need to work on thinking quickly as well and not relying on their quirks” 

“Understood” his creepy voice spoke out into the room, a man of few words as many knew him. The pages were handed over easily and his eyes began to scan the information. Sure all the teachers had taught them but any extra information was useful. 

“The next pair is based purely on fighting style and speed, Ojiro and Iida. They work well in teams and can talk to anyone, they rely on speed and technique. This is why I'm pairing them with Power Loader because they will have to move faster, think as one and make sure they watch what is going on around them all at once” another explanation down. 

“This will be interesting” Power Loaded nodded and Aizawa knew he had a smile on his face even though this headgear was stopping most from seeing. Aizawa had spent a lot of thought and time working on these pairs.  

“Kirishima and Sato are with Cementoss, I paired them on strength and they have close grades as well as their quirks are both short term. Both friendly and enjoy working in teams. Let’s see how they fare against Cementoss who can change the location outlook in a matter of seconds” Aizawa smirked to the fellow Pro who thought for a moment and then nodded. 

“I wouldn’t hurt them as much as the other students if I go for a hit and they need to work on speed and agility. A very good pairing Eraserhead” Cementoss nodded and took the papers. He too began to look through the information provided, he had taught them and only saw Kirishima at the festival using his quirk. 

“Koda and Jirou are with Mic as they both rely on sound to use their quirk, it’ll be hard to use sound when someone is yelling over the top of them” this pair was easy to see the potential for a fight. “Koji will be required to talk more and build teamwork, Jirou will be tasked with helping him”

“Yo yo that sounds awesome Eraserhead. Perfect pair for me indeed” the loud hero smiled and nodded bobbing to music that wasn’t playing as he grabbed the papers and put them down in front of him with ease. 

“Shoji and Toru will be placed with Snipe. Their quirks are stealth-based and with someone shooting at them it will be hard to stay quiet and move in silence” Aizawa conducted putting the two pages together and hitting them against the table to make them even before handing them over to the hero who only nodded. 

“That leaves just me” Midnight smiled and placed her head atop her hands, her smile turning into a smirk “With Mineta and Sero am I correct,” she asked licking her lips. 

“Correct. I put them with you as Mineta can get” he paused shaking his head “Distracted while Sero is mostly speeding. Both with different fighting styles and outlooks on being a hero plus I found out they both look up to you” Aizawa answered with ease handing over the last pair of pages. 

“I do look forward to breaking them” licking her lips again she nodded and sighed out. Placing the pages down “Are we done? So soon” she questioned, that was a short meeting but if the pairs were decided it was to be expected. 

“No, there is one more student” Aizawa sighed and everyone was paying full attention “Y/N” he breathed out and everyone nodded. “Her quirk can be used in any situation and against any quirk, plus they can become physical. She could simply put an illusion of herself and no one would know the difference” he looked down to the paper seeing her face in the picture “I don’t know what to do” he answered honestly “She was first in the festival and first grade-wise, I heard the other students. She hadn’t slept in days to study for the test” the teachers all nodded. 

“Her quirk is a problem, she could easily get past any of us” Cementoss nodded adding his input into the conversation. Everyone sat in silence as Aizawa looked down to the paper with all her details. She was a perfect student for UA.

“She athletic as well” everyone turned to Snipe, the teacher who had taken her as a sidekick for a week. “She beat me in hand to hand” that stopped the teachers. “Her quirk works on thinking, she showed me something that” he paused and shook his head and licking his lips behind his mask “She had a conversation with me while also talking to a coworker at the same time. Her mind was doing two different things simultaneously while also keeping up the illusion” 

Midnight shook her head “That takes extreme power, in the festival her illusion looked so real. I believed it” She added nodding her head, a hand coming to her chin to think. Cementoss agreed. 

“She doesn’t rely purely on her quirk but also does. No matter who she went against, if it was a formal and acknowledged physical fight, if someone managed to beat her, I would be quite impressed” Snipe nodded as the other teachers agreed. Snipe was the only one who knew of her ‘weakness’ but he would never tell and even if he did it wouldn’t matter she knew everyone here. 

“I have an idea” Principal Nezu spoke up thoughtfully and all the teachers were open ears for the suggestion “What if we all went against her at once. It would prove she’s been working on her quirk, how many things she can create at one given moment. How quickly she can think and act” it was a good idea but the idea of it was unfair. “It may seem unfair to the child but we don’t have another option” all the teachers agreed, though some not looking as determined as others. “Though she has one rule” why would she have a rule and no one else, her test was already quite unfair. “She must show at least one teacher her true self during the exercise, she needs a challenge” the teachers felt bad but it was for her good. They had to test her as hard as they could. Even if she took down two maybe three teachers they would be impressed. 

“Then it’s decided, Y/N goes against all of us, at once” 

-

Y/N P.O.V

Once all the names were called out with their pairs I looked around and was confused. I was guessing they put a group of three, had they forgotten about me? Was I not seen as a threat that much that they just excluded me? “Um” I put my hand up and the class stopped talking turning to me. “I wasn’t paired,” I said slowly smiling as I did, an awkward smile and I could see the confusion of my peers. 

“You’re a special case Y/N” Aizawa looked me dead in the eyes and I nodded slowly, my eyebrows drawn in confusion as I waited for an answer pursing my lips. “You will be fighting” I nodded and smiled, OK, so I wasn’t getting kicked out or something. 

“OK” I nodded slowly and looked around “Am I joining a pair or something” I looked around and saw pleading faces for me to join groups. I had to be joining a group, there was no other way to complete the test or was someone going to have to do it twice, would I do it alone? 

“You will be competing alone” Aizawa added carefully and I felt my hands shake slightly, I could beat them. I nodded still confused. All the teachers were taken. What weren’t they telling me?

“Am I getting a teacher brought in or something or is a teacher doubling up?” I asked looking over everyone before landing back on Aizawa for the answer. Everyone was silent as the teachers waited for the answer and my peers listened in. 

“You are very strong” Aizawa began, this didn’t sound good. Bakugou and Midoriya already had All Might who was the top hero. Was I going to be fighting Endeavor or something, Best Jeaniest maybe? I felt my heart begin to race “After some talk and decision making we decided that you” he paused and then looked straight at me with a smirk “Will be fighting us all at once” I felt my eyes grow wide and gasps were heard behind me as my heart sank. 

I was going to be fighting them all… at once. Alone. Someone catch me.  ________________________________________________________________

Chapter 6

[goodluckdetective]

Fic: Letters to Nowhere 1/3

Ship: Destiel, Sam/Eileen

Fandom: SPN

A03: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27829108/chapters/68131141

Warnings: Grief mostly 

Tags: Angst with a happy ending, angst, found families

Characters: Dean, Sam, Castiel, Eileen, others in passing or in clips

Rating: PG-13

Length: 2k this chapter

Summary:

AU Post Inherit the Earth

After God is defeated, Sam decides to text the one person they're still missing with regular updates. Castiel can read them when he gets back. Because they are getting him back. 

This isn’t Chuck’s story anymore. They’ve lost too much to him as it is. They’ve won: it’s time they feel like it. And act like it too.

Author’s Note:

It’s 2012 again, here’s Wonderwall. 

This fanfic is not canon compliant after “Inherit the Earth” cus this is my city now. It’s been a really long time since I watched Supernatural, let alone wrote fic for it, so this is a bit like getting on an old rusty bike for me. I was dragged in with the news like everyone else, and because I am a firm believer of "fix canon yourself" here I am, writing fic for a fandom I only wrote for twice in my teens. 

I wanted a Destiel reunion as much as anyone, but there are a lot of fics about that with the focus so I wanted to do something that also looked at Sam and Cas’ friendship. So this is a ship fic and a found family fic because I have two hands. I wanted this all to be a one shot, but it's 7K already and that's wild, so multi-chapter here we come. I hope to have this complete by the end of the year with an update weekly.

Fic below the cut:

He sends out the first one on the ride home from what should have been the end of the world with a dog in the backseat and the radio set to blast.

His phone has been beeping non-stop since Jack turned the lights back on. Dean’s too, though he can’t answer since he’s driving. Some messages he gets are from hunters he hasn’t heard from in years, folks he thought might have died on the job. He’s shocked they even remember what happened. The rest of the world didn’t. It’s such a departure from the last times they saved the world with nothing but silence and a new crisis to await them. 

Eileen’s text to him causes his breath to catch. It’s a single sentence.

“This is real.”

If Dean notices him tearing up, he doesn’t mention it. He’s all eyes on the road, heading back to the Bunker like this was a regular job. After fifteen minutes of calls and messages, Sam opens his contacts to reach out to the one number he hasn’t heard from. His thumb lingers over “Castiel” about to press down when he remembers.

He looks to Dean, considering saying something, then decides better of it. The jubilation of their win sours in his head, the reminder that one person isn’t here to see it a depressing note on what should be their happy new beginning. They’d asked Jack to bring Cas back too, of course, but apparently his Godhood has limits when it comes to the empty. All he’d been able to provide them with was some leads to opening a portal and a wish of luck. No angel, no promise of resolution. 

“Chuck would love this,” Sam thinks. “We can never have a victory without a loss to ruin it.”

Rage boils in his gut at the thought. This isn’t Chuck’s story anymore. He doesn’t get to dictate their life as an endless repeating tragedy. They’ve lost too much to him as it is. They’ve won: it’s time they feel like it. And act like it too.

He sends off the first message a few minutes later.

***

Hey man, it’s me, Sam.

I know this is kinda stupid: it’s not like you get bars in the Empty or anything. I don’t expect you to get these there. But when you get back, you should still have your phone (Dean said it went with you) and I plan to keep paying the bill so 1. You don’t have to ask someone for payphone quarters and 2. You can easily catch up on what you missed while you wait for us to pick you up.

We won. We are going to get you out of there. Promise. 

***

So we won. Chuck is human now. Score one for Team Free Will 2.0.

But, Jack is gone. Not dead: he sorta became God. It’s a long story. Anyway, apparently Godhood means an anti-interference policy or something, so yeah he’s gone. I’m sorry you didn’t get to say goodbye.

He’s happy though. Which I guess is what matters, right?

We asked him about getting you back before he went hands off. He said he couldn’t grab you himself (something about the Empty being its own thing who knows) but he gave us some leads to start looking. Good leads too. And we’ve done more with less.

***

Eileen is waiting for them when they get back to the Bunker. Sam almost trips over his own feet to pull her into a hug. She laughs and hugs him back, and Sam was so sure he would only hear that laugh again on his voicemail that he starts crying on her nice jacket. She cries on him too, though Sam’s jacket is so covered in dirt and blood that the tears might actually make it cleaner.

Dean doesn’t say a word, just walks past them and mouths to Sam “I’ll be inside, loverboy” with a wink. The dog follows him. As soon as he vanishes behind the bunker door, Sam pulls Eileen into a kiss that is considered impolite to have in front of your sibling. 

After they’ve both calmed down a fraction, Sam fills Eileen in on what she missed, signing as much as he knows. She looks devastated when he tells her about Cas, and Sam remembers that the two of them were starting to become friends. When he tells her about Jack she asks quite a few follow up questions trying to wrap her head around it all. Sam doesn’t blame her: he’s trying to wrap his head around it too.

“So, is it thank Jack now?” She signs, using the hand sign they came up for Jack’s name. 

“I don’t think he’ll care either way.”

She walks towards the bunker, and Sam keeps step with her so she can see his face. “How’s Dean?”

“I don’t know,” Sam signs. “It’s hard to tell with him.” That feels like a massive understatement. Sam is sure he knows Dean the best out of everyone on the planet, but still his brother manages to surprise him. Sam can read through Dean’s bullshit better than most and he’s faster to get a clue when something is up, but figuring out how Dean is doing often feels like decoding a spell. Sam can get the general idea from just looking at it, but for the particulars, he has to put in legwork to decipher exactly what’s on his brother’s mind. All he knows at the moment is that Dean is not okay. The rest is a guessing game until Sam has more clues or Dean spills his guts.

 They walk into the door and head down the stairs. Sam can see the dog, a giant ball of white fur, running around the wooden table in the middle, tail wagging.

 “The dog is a surprise,” he signs. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Castiel and Jack’s names carved into the table and feels a pang of loss. Eileen walks up to the dog.

“Really?”

“I thought he hated them. They have bad history.” History is perhaps an understatement, but Dean’s trauma from Hell is not his to tell. He reaches down to pet the dog behind the ears and they bark happily.  The dog makes a pitiful noise when Sam stops petting them to sign to Eileen. “I’m going to see where he went.”

Eileen nods, bending down to spoil their new furry friend. Sam heads down the hallway towards Dean’s room. When he doesn’t find him there, somehow, he knows where to look. Dean told him where it happened. Past the bookshelves and the door with Cas’ blood on it is Dean, staring at the wall. His palm is against it, head bowed. 

“Dean?” Sam says, voice soft, trying not to startle. Dean keeps his pose for a second then turns around to take in Sam, a fake smile falling across his face. Sam knows it well: it’s too large, too tight at the edges, and it doesn’t reach Dean’s eyes. It’s the kind of smile they put on to talk to civilians on cases, the one to disarm and encourage the feeling that “everything’s alright.” 

Sam has always hated seeing it directed at him. It’s a clue that translates to “something Dean doesn’t think Sam can fix.”

“Sorry, just taking a minute,” Dean says. He walks past Sam before Sam can say another word. “Do you know if Eileen is hungry? I think it’s time for dinner.”

Sam watches him go then turns back to the wall. He knows the significance of this room without being told, just from the sigil on the door and the upturned books. This was where Castiel died. Where the Empty took him. 

“What the hell happened here?” Sam asks the empty space. He doesn’t get a reply but it’s not like he expected one. He knows Cas can’t hear him, but just in case, he closes his eyes and directs the question as a prayer, though the wording is slightly different.

“Cas, what the hell happened to you?”

***

[A photo is attached of a large white dog with floppy ears, lying on a bed next to a sleeping Dean. Both dog and man are drooling, the latter onto his pillow, the former onto Dean’s shirt. A dog bed rests in the corner of the room, unused.]

So Dean has a dog now. Her name is Miracle. She’s been here for two days and she already runs the place. Dean even let her have some of his bacon. I checked to make sure he wasn’t possessed just in case. He didn’t think it was funny.

I was shocked Dean wanted to keep her. You know how he is with dogs. But he insisted. And I guess it’s working out because well...you can see the picture.

Might start calling myself Uncle Sam to get on his nerves. I’ll report back on how that goes should I survive. 

I’m looking into a book Jack told me to start at. There’s a spell in it, one to summon someone who might be able to help us help you. Don’t worry, no deal making required. 

Hope to see you soon.

***

Dean is the one to tell Claire. Sam offers to do it for him, but Dean blows him off, gets in the Impala and drives down to deliver the news in person. He refuses to let Sam come with.

“This isn’t shit you should hear over a phone,” Dean says. “It’s my fault he’s gone. I should at least tell her myself.”

Sam is on edge the entire time he’s gone. When Dean comes back, he looks like absolute crap, and when he falls back in a chair, Miracle is quick to run to his side and place her head in his lap. Sam watches Dean pet her half heartedly behind the ears.

“That bad, huh,” Sam says. Dean reaches to pet Miracle under her chin.

“Kid lost enough. Don’t blame her for lashing out at the dude who cost her more.”

“Dean it’s not your-”

Dean looks up at him and his expression is stone. Sam’s words die on his lips. He knows better than to try to talk to Dean when he’s like this. Not unless he wants it to go badly. 

This is another clue, he thinks. Dean blames himself for whatever happened and not just in his general “the world is my fault” way. Dean confirms it himself the next second he speaks. 

“You don’t know what happened. And it is. Trust me Sam, it is.” He stands up and pats the dog on her head. “And it will be until we get him back. So any leads?”

Sam takes the distraction, but he makes a mental note not to let the conversation go. For now.

***

[Text is from a number belonging to contact “Claire Novak, FBI Cell”]

Fuck you for leaving me too.

***

Went to clean up your room a bit so it doesn’t get too dusty. Found it already in good shape. I think Dean has been keeping the cobwebs away. He really misses you, you know? He’s taking this...hard. I’m worried. I’m always worried but you know what I mean. 

Also, I saw your collection of IDs. Agent Lizzo? Really? Did anyone buy that? 

When you get back, we should make you some ones with some artists who aren’t as conspicuous as a lie. I’m shocked you didn’t get busted. 

The ingredients for this summoning spell are kind of nuts, and they’re going to take time to gather. I’m using Rowena’s stash to make up most of it, but the real problem is making a lyre out of some petrified wood.  We have to steal some from a National Forest Preserve. It’s an easy heist, but it’s kinda weird to be trying to con just some Park Rangers.

Also, do angels know how to play a lyre or is that just a stereotype? I’ve been up for over twenty seven hours reading this thing and I have to know. Tell me when you get back.

Also, what do you know about Orpheus? 

[maggyme13]

Sugar (8/?)

AN: Next one up XD Let me know what you think^^

Masterlist

Sugar- Masterlist

Sugar 7

Four hours later you entered the main room of the flat, one big bag of cosmetics and similar things in hand, while Bucky carried the other three bags of goods. Those mostly contained casual and basic clothing, you unsurprisingly could not buy in the boutiques Bucky drove you first.

It was so ´bad´, he had to drive you to your ´usual´ stores to shop.

“Can you place them next to my room please? I will put them away and then make some-”, the ringtone of your phone interrupted you, it was Mr Laufeyson.

“Hello.”, you greeted him once you had accepted the call.

“(y/n). Are you still out with Barnes?”

“No, I just came back a minute ago. Why?”, you hummed, offering the man a bottle of water, who declined.

“Good. Quill invited us for dinner. Apparently he want to apologize to you in person. He swore he will behave himself.”

“Oh- okay. When and where?”, you asked , though did not sound very thrilled.

“I understand if you-”

“No, it is okay. As long as he jeeps his hands to himself.”, you sighted, your head tilted back.

“He will. Are you really okay with it? I can attend on my own, telling him you felt ill.”, the CEO answered and you could hear his frown through the phone.

“It really is alright; and my mother raised me to always give second chances and allow someone to at least try and apologize. My Ma would have my hide if I were not to allow that.”

Though that does not mean I have to accept that apology.

“5pm. And we have to meet  there. I will send Barnes the locations. Wear something  chick. It is an italian Restaurant.”, he explained further.

“Alright. See you there?”

“See you there. And if you change your mind, let me know.”

“Will do. See you this evening Mr Laufeyson, bye.”

“What is wrong?”, came Bucky´s worried voice from behind you.

“Ego invited us to an ´apology dinner´ at 5. Mr Laufeyson will send you the address. And now I have to get ready. Yayyyy! Motivation!”, you fake cheered.

“Boss makes you attend?”, the Bouncer asked in disbelieve.

“No. My upbringing does. Ma always said to allow someone to try and apologize, though to have a good way to politely decline. My Ma would kill me if I would not attend. So, if you excuse me, I have to get ready. And that means to find an appropriate dress, I actually would wear. And then there is make-up and hair and – just be glad you are a dude.”, you groaned.

“Well, have fun. I will be downstairs in our flat. Just call me when you need anything.”

“Will do, thank you for everything today.”, you smiled and entered your room.

There is that one black dress I could have worn at the club. It shouldn´t be too warm for a restaurant….. Yes sounds good, and now the make-up. Sigh lets see- two hours to go.

You took a quick shower (with the glass turned opaque), before drying you hair and body with one of those huge soft towels, only to put on some simple make-up and do your hair.

One and a half hours later, you were rather satisfied with what you were able to pull off and chose the most comfortable pair of lingerie (that would fit the dress) and then the dress.

Waiting with the shoes until the very last second, you walked around the apartment to get used to the way the fabric would move around you body.

It was comfortable and was long enough for you not to feel exposed in any way.

Knock Knock Knock

“Ready to go?”, it was Bucky.

“Yes. “,and with that the two of you were off.

____

My number is saved on your phone on speed-dial. Nr 6 if I was informed correctly. Just dial it and come and get you or send someone. Thor made me your personal bodyguard, together with Sam. Depending on whom is working at the club. I will wait until Pietro arrives with Loki and then get to the Bifrost. “, your friend spoke from the drivers seat.

“Personal Bodyguard?”, you repeated his words.

“Yes. You thought you would not get protection? Think again.”, he shook his head, “Tomorrow we are going to save your ´safe word´ in the security system. So think about one till then.”

“Okay. Any idea what?”, you hummed, looking at the passing streets on the other side of the car window.

“Any word you can remember well, but you do not usually use.”, he answered in a matter of fact kind of way.

Professional, even.

“Oookay. Do you know anything about the restaurant you are escorting me to?”

“It´s high class, but not too stuck up. Portions are decent sized , so you will at least not leave hungry.”

At least something

“Am I to wait in the car until Mr Laufeyson arrives?”, you wondered, not used to any situation like this.

“Uhm-no. He is already here, see?” Bucky answered, pointing to the window of the restaurant , only for you to notice the man in question with Ego.

It was that moment that your phone buzzed, indicating you got a message.

“Just tell the Hostess your Name. She knows you are with me and will escort you to our table.”

“We just arrived. Will do.”

“Well, let´s go.”, you mumbled to yourself and waved Bucky a good-bye, leaving the black SUV.

A young woman greeted you with a typical customer-service-smile.

“I am with Mr Laufeyson. My name is (y/n) (y/ln)”, you greeted her with a smile in your voice.

“Of course, please follow me.”, she answered with a monotone voice and motioned towards the dining area.

“Please lead the way.”, you nodded and followed her to your table.

Am I too late?

There were three people seated, with two being Ego and Mr Laufeyson, while the last one was a young woman, with fake blond hair, a skirt that barely covered her ass and a top that did the same for her breasts.

She sat on a cushioned stool, and not like the men on real chairs.

There was a stool for you next to Loki as well.

Seems like I have to sit on one of those as well.

“Ah, the final guest has arrived. And right on time. We only ordered drinks for now. Please take a seat.”, Ego smiled like nothing had happened and you had to forcefully suppress a gagging reflex.

“Thank you. And thank you for your invitation.”, you smiled instead and took the designated seat.

It was obvious, that those seats meant to show your position was not equal to the men.

“Good choice with the dress. I took the liberty to order a bottle of white whine for the two of us. But feel free to order whatever you like. And if you want to leave at any time, let me know and we will.”, Mr Laufeyson leaned towards you and spoke only for you to hear.

“Thank you. Will do.”, you whispered back just as quiet as he did.

Not three seconds later a menu was placed in front of you.

You thanked with a smile and started to look over it. Reading the offered dishes, you decided on some Pasta with creme-sauce and vegetables.

“Excellent choice.”, your companion hummed, seeing the dish you pointed at, like you were asking for his approval.

“We will take the Pasta and the Chicken-Breast, with a side-dish of bread-sticks as appetizer.”, the CEO ordered for the two of you.

“My Pleasure, Mr Laufeyson. What can we prepare for you Mr Quill?”, the servant inquired.

“ A salad for Puppy and the Black Angus Steak with Truffles for me.”

“With pleasure.”, and with that he disappeared just as unnoticed as he had turned up.

“So, Loki, I hope you got home after our last meeting without any problems. I was sad about your sudden departure; it was a quite interesting and fun evening.”, Ego smiled and you nearly choked on the sip of water you just were about to drink.

Excuse me?!

“Yes, but you know exactly why we left. And I believe that was your reason for this invitation.”, Mr Laufeyson smiled back with a pointed voice.

“Yes, yes. Of course-”

Do I get my apology now or not? WTF

“- Why don´t we talk about our business ideas while we wait for the food?. Puppy, why don´t you fresh up a bit?”, the other man literally ordered and the other woman stood up with a smile and walked away in a slutty way.

It was like an accident, you had to follow her with your eyes even though you did not want to.

Ego harrumphed and send a questioning look at you.

“(y/n) can stay if she wants to.”, his voice was stern and dark, “and I still believe you still own us something. Otherwise we are leaving.”

He sighted.

“Yeah, yeah. My apologies for my behavior. Satisfied Laufeyson? “

“Mmmmh. What do you want to talk about?”

That´s it? WTF? I can´t believe it!

Anger made your blood boil, but you tried to keep calm or to at least  not show your state of mind.

The next couple of minutes continued with business-talk you were not really interested in.

That was until Puppy returned; her hips and tit´s swinging from one side to the other. She let her fake ´claws´ brush over her ´companions´  shoulders, earning a loud smack on her ass for it.

She giggled.

You nearly puked. Again.

Soon after, the food arrived; it smelled and looked amazingly and you had to really use restraint to not dig in at once.

You had been raised to wait until everyone was served after all.

Loki received his food last, and once he had, you wished ´bon apetit.

The food was even more delicious than you thought.

Part 9

AN2.0 How will this turn our for the reader? And will her family make an appreance again in later chapters?

REBLOGS and comments are appreciated:)

Thank you very much.

~MaggY

Taglists:

Permanent:

@jadepc​@pacifyhxlsey​ @thankyoukarenclifford​

@thankyouforanonymity​  @punkrockhufflefluff​

@scarletraine @buckycaptspideypool  @markusstraya @graveyard-groupie @markusstrayya @randomgirlkensy @the-soulofdevil

@marshyrebelcloud

MCU:

@yknott81​    @banner-and-bucky-are-life​ @forext20​ @dyanlzbb​  @so-finster-die-nacht @emmii4​ @bitchwhytho​ @ladyofmyst​   @jilldsumner​ @momc95​ @appreciating-fanfics​

Sugar:

@bits-and-bobs-and-kawaii-stuffs @mimmie666​   @fullranchwolfoperator

@cluelessnitwhit​ @youknowitsclouds @his-paradox @purplerainharry​

@spootgaai2000 @iamsuperjenna​ @nikkipea​   @alexakeyloveloki @timelordy-fangirl2 @girrafeeeeeee @emilyjane44x

I couldnt tag a few of you… sorry.

Want to get tagged as well? Comment, Reblog or send an ask to let me know.

[hecohansen31]

Rules To Interact With This Blog:

Interacting With My Posts:

If you liked a fic/ask/drabble of mine, I’d suggest that you also let me know through a comment or reblogging it with something written either in the comment section or the tags (I am not saying this for my ego, but it is absolutely proved that the more you’ll interact with my posts, the faster I’ll feel like writing something more of that genre).

If you were tagged in a  fic/ask/drabble of mine, you should definitely comment (leaving feedback and simply reblog with something said in the comment part, because let me tell you... reblogging without saying anything is just plain dumb). 

Taglists are honestly nightmarish and I understand, not only Tumblr being annoying with not notifying you but also you needing to take your time. 

But please do understand that to ignore somebody who took time, at your request, to put you in a taglist is rude.

And I’ll be deleting people on my taglist that don’t interact anymore with my stuff, after three times they ignored it.

If you ask me write you a fic/ask/drabble/ship, you should feel morally obligated to leave at least a ‘thank you’, if not some support/feedback, because I spent time working for something that brought at least a smile to your face, so it’d be nice to leave even the smallest comment, but DO LEAVE IT.

Feedback On My Posts:

It is completely understandable that you might want to give some constructive criticism, but I’ll ask you to know a few things before you do:

I am not a paid writer, I do this as an hobby in my free time, and English is not my first language, so do keep in mind that there might be some mistakes, some I just don’t see because I have neither a paid ‘beta-reader’ or the willingness to proofread perfectly everything I write.

So, do remember to be kind when giving constructive criticism.

And please avoid doing it anonimousl.

It isn’t anything against nonnies, but many times thing that you say may be mistaken as worse than they are, hurting people and also making them angry, so if you noticed something that you don’t think that is proper, do come in my DMs so that we can start a dialogue.

Also do remember that some things are just typical of the author and the fanfic, hence we can’t change them (such as the fic length, our portrayal of the character and our own setting and knowledge...).

So, if you end up not liking the fic/ask/drabble for this reason, I’d suggest that instead of sending us an angry anonymous asks, you just change writer and fic, because those things are linked to your own taste and not ours.

Not every fic is always for you, and maybe mine might not be your cup of tea!

Sending Asks:

From now on I won’t be accepting asks that don’t contain either ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ or both. 

This is because one of the thing that has brought my mind not to feel at ease anymore when post is the fact that I constantly get treated like a writing machine and not a person on here, almost as if I am valuable only for hmy writing skills and nothing more.

And as much as I recognize that that is what I am ‘famous’ for on here, I’d like to take a step back and be treated like a person behind a computer from now on.

Which means that I won’t be taking asks unless I feel treated like that.

If you don’t know whether my requests are open or closed, don’t straight up send me a request, but simply ask me whether they are or not.

I’ll try to answer fast enough (I am saying this because it has happened to me that many sent me asks even when they were closed, adding the ‘if the requests are closed, ignore this’ but like... the people pleaser in me... can’t and will write your fics and send myself in overburn... so please avoid).

Also do feel free to either ask me through my inbox or my DMs whether I’d write for something, if you are not sure whether I’d do it or not.

Again don’t straight up send me something like ‘do it only if you are comfortable’ or similar.

Don’t send me random asks, that maybe got refused by other writers and youthen  sent to me, without following me, knowing anything about my blog and my writing, because I can see which ones are which... and believe me it is annoying to receive this kind of asks.

Finally... don’t comment on how much time a writer takes on writing out your ask/fic or anything else.

Avoid at all costs comments such as ‘when are you going to...’/’oh I thought you had forgotten about my request’/’can’t you speed up’, because not only you appear extremely pushy but also in most cases I am not simply ignoring your asks, I just have something going on in my own personal life that might stop us from properly replying.

Also on this note, avoid asking for fic updates, again please don’t ask ‘when will this be uploaded?’, as I have said before... it is possible that we aren’t uploading it for own personal problems and receiving a message like this will in most cases (at least with me) make us feel uncomfortable and lazy and push us to write, although we aren’t in the right headset

If we notice that it is taking us quite some time, we’ll let you know, personally, why the fic isn’t getting updated and when it’ll be, please don’t spam us with asks of this kind.

Interacting With Others:

Avoid tagging me in fics/asks/etc, when I haven’t actually told you to.

Please don’t do it, because although in many cases I don’t ask to get tagged for my own personal shyness or because I forget, sometimes I just am not interested in your whole writing and I prefer to only follow what I like.

Also some of your writing might be potentially triggering for me, which is the reason why I’d prefer not to be straight up tagged in a fic, without giving my permission.

I’ll let you know through a warning if you have wrongly tagged me, but if you keep on doing it, I’ll block you.

You can absolutely come to me if you want to have some feedback on your writing, but I’ll ask you to please not waste my time, disregarding completely my suggestions.

You are obviously free to deny my suggestions, because I mean... who’d take suggestions from me, a clown... ? But I’d like you to be straightforward with me, telling me immediately that you don’t think my suggestion would be proper for what you write.

If you don’t like my suggestion, it is completely alright because it is simply a suggestion and I understand, as a writer, not liking them or not feeling them fit for what you wrote.

In the end you are the writer of the piece, not me.

But please don’t tell me ‘oh yeah yeah, thanks’ when I give you the suggestions and then after you pubblish the piece completely ignore my suggestion as if I hadn’t said it.

So please, if you aren’t seriously looking for feedback but validation, don’t waste my time asking me to check your piece.

I’d also prefer if we were mutuals in doing this, because many times I have had to proofread pieces that weren’t mine from people that didn’t even follow me, and completely disregarded all my work, (even worse was the fact that these people were pushy and didn’t seem to accept a ‘no’ although I told them I was very busy at the time).

I do understand being good and everything, but I’d still like to remind you that support goes two ways, so if I helped you, it’d be nice of you to give back that help when it is needed and not only when it is comfortable to you.

I’d also like to discuss about crediting me for using my ideas, imagines and set-ups.

I totally understand that some of my concepts aren’t original, but it has happened to me that many times after talking with somebody about a specific idea or giving them a personal suggestion, they used it without even crediting me or asking for my permission.

So, please if you are going to use one of the ideas I came up with when talking with you or the set-up of my blog and fics, I’d ask you at least give me credit or ask me in my DMs for my permission.

I am always attentive to giving the proper credit when needed and I’d like you to do the same.

I’d also like for you to be honest with me.

An example is the fact that although many people said they’d take part in my writing challenge, not even half of them actually did.

As much as I understand the hardships of life and tumblr, I’d have liked very much these people to come forward and tell me they weren’t interested/had problems, because personally it was very disappointing to work so hard on a thing, get all excited for it and then get ignored.

Again, I do know that life isn’t easy for many of us, butI what I ask for is nothing more than a simple DM/ask clarifying the status of things, in these cases.

Finally: I’ll start supporting only people that support me.

I don’t mean to be rude but as I have already said: support goes two ways.

Again, it is completely understandable for some people to arrive late to reading fics and commenting them, because we are all busy, but I do think that sometimes we make too many excuses for not supporting writers and then act all shocked when they say they are tired and won’t write.

With this being said, I’ll stop bitching.

If you have any ask about the new rules, I am here.

I highly encourage you to follow them to help me feel more at ease on my blog.

If you don’t, you’ll receive a warning and then if it keeps happening I’ll block you.

Have a nice day!

-Heco Hansen.

[sweet-royalty]

Never Been in Love

Summary: Patton is alone at home and is enjoying this time dancing and filling himself with pride (Extremely self-indulgent but at this point all my fanfics are like this and I have no shame at all so yeah xP)

Genre: Songfic (Will Jay, Marina and the Diamonds and Moses Sumney)

Word Count: 3371 words (9 pages)

Pairings (All of them are heavily mentioned but they are not the focus of the story): Queerplatonic LAMP, Romantic Analogince and Romantic Dukeceit 

Content: Slight Angst w/ Comfort; Human!AU; Aro!Patton; Closeted Aromantic; Virgil, Roman and Logan are romantically dating and each one of them are Patton’s QPPs; Fluff; Just pure fluff despite many things; Sympathetic Deceit; Sympathetic Remus; Hoh!Deceit; Sign Names mentioned for 2 characters; Hoh experience written by someone who is not hoh (read as “please tell me if I’m doing something wrong”); Non White Sides;

Trigger Warning: Nudity (without sexual content or genitalia description), Snake mention, Amatonormativity (the characther is not actually arophobic, he just doesn’t know Patton is aromantic) (Tell me if I forgot to tag something)

Disclaimer: I couldn’t find a hand sign for “vitiligo” other than actually spelling it to make as Deceit’s sign name so his sign name in this story might not be so good. If you have any other suggestion for his sign name and explain how to sign it I’ll really appreciate it!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Don't you want somebody to never let you go? Knowing someone's body better than your own Don't you want a family with a white picket fence? Tell me when's the wedding, the names of all your kids” Will Jay – Never Been in Love

Being alone at home was always one of the best things that could happen for Patton.

Not because he doesn’t like his family but because he enjoys the freedom of being alone. And this time, the house would be all his for the whole day. His parents were taking his brother to see if they could fix his hearing-aid or buy him another one. And after that they would take him for a sleepover at the twins house and go out to celebrate their marriage birthday. It was simply P E R F E C T.

Patton noticed his brother walking in the room and sitting on the sofa in front of him while their parents were going back and forth taking everything they need. He knew what that meant. That’s usually what they do when they want to talk privately. Patton paused his music player and left the cellphone behind.

- Sorry about your hearing aid, D - he signed with a sad face.

The last sign made him sulk

- I adore when you call me like this - he said rolling his eyes when pointing his index and middle finger to the side and touching his heart so Patt would know he was being sarcastic. He giggled.

- Ok, can you teach me the s-n-a-k-e sign again, please?

D made a two with his fingers, pointing to Patton, brought his hand to his chin then lowered it with a zig-zag movement like a snake moving. He repeated the movement but instead of a two he rised his index finger and touched the other ones together forming a “d” with his hand.

He gave him the thumbs up. D’s love for snakes made him really happy for being given this sign.

- Don’t worry about my hearing aid - he showed his broken aid, hand painted as a snake – I’ll paint a new one if we can’t fix it

- What are you doing with this one then?

He shrugged then placed his index and thumb together under his nose and slid it on his upper lip before crossing his fingers. “Mustache” followed by “R”.

The sign he gave to one of the twins.

- Remus asked if I can give it to him if we can’t fix. Maybe he wants to open it? I don’t know

Patton smiled and gave him a malicious face.

- You will be cuddling with your boyfriend!

- Remus is not my boyfriend! - he sulked while grunting.

Patton tried not giggling too loud, since D could still hear something from his right ear.

- Ok, he’s your crush. I hope you’ll have fun

He rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything else to defend himself.

- You’re lucky you don’t have a crush. I’ll make your life a living hell when you do!

Patt snorted.

- Good luck

 “… with that” he meant.

 “I'm not missing someone that I've never met Maybe a little scared, still I don't care” Will Jay – Never Been in Love

Patton took some of his clothes off having just a baby blue long T-shirt covering his brown-skinned body, feeling the wind from the open window run through him. He spinned around the room and laid down to the sofa, grabbing his phone and scrolling to see if there were any new messages for him.

Roman (7:01 AM): Good morning~ Who is ready for today?

Virgil (7:02 AM): Ro, it’s 7 in the fucking morning

Virgil (7:02 AM): Lemme sleep

Roman (7:02 AM): I’m sorry, lil sunshine

Roman (7:03 AM): But if you actually were sleeping you wouldn’t be answering it!

Virgil (7:05 AM): Ooooor maybe I WAS sleeping but then a stupid bird sound woke me up!

Roman (7:05 AM): Not my fault if you sleep with your phone glued to your face!

Logan (7:05 AM): Can you stop bickering this early in the morning?

Logan (7:05 AM): We’ll be ready when the time comes, Roman. No need to rush.

Roman (7:07 AM): Oh my lovely nerd

Roman (7:07 AM): I meant to ask if you were excited

Roman (7:07 AM): Not if you were literally ready.

Roman (7:08 AM): The movie is only at 7 PM

Virgil (7:08 AM): I’m extremely excited, your highness

Virgil (7:09 AM): Now would you please stop texting here and let me sleep?

Roman (7:09 AM): As you wish, my love <3

Virgil (7:10 AM): -_- <3

Virgil (10:23 AM): Ok, now I’m up

Patton (10:30 AM): Good morning, my dears ^_^ <3

Patton (10:30 AM): Are you going to the movies today?

Virgil (10:33 AM): Sup, Patt

Virgil (10:35 AM): Yeah… I kinda won 3 movie tickets…

Virgil (10:35 AM): We’d call you but the movie isn’t really your type

Virgil (10:36 AM): I’m so sorry, Patt :( I didn’t mean to exclude you or anything…

Patton (10:36 AM): No no! I didn’t feel like this at all, love!

Patton (10:37 AM): Don’t worry! I’m happy that you’re goin out!

Patton (10:37 AM): Send me pictures of you once you meet, I wanna see your pretty faces <3 <3

Virgil (10:38 AM): Are you sure? :/

Roman (10:39 AM): Patt, you’re just as important as any of us. We don’t want to make you feel like a third wheel.

Logan (10:39 AM): Just because you’re not involved with us romantically that doesn’t make our platonic feelings for you less important.

Virgil (10:40 AM): Just tell us if something is bothering you, ok?

Roman (10:40 AM): Yes, if you want we can try to see each other earlier so even if you don’t go to the movie we can at least see each other

Logan (10:40 AM): Yes, we’d gladly do this for you

Patton’s smile got wider. He was being sincere when he said he wasn’t feeling excluded and he knew how genuine that invitation was because they all genuinely loved him as much as he did and in the same way he did.

As strong as everything he could feel.

They were the friends he never wanted to miss, they were the people he could always count for and know they’d do anything to help him just like he’d do anything for them and they didn’t need to be in love with each other for it.

Patton (10:43 AM): You’re amazing, loves <3 But really I’m not feeling like going anywhere today. D went out with our parents and I’ll be alone the whole day, I think I’ll spend this time with myself here at home ^_^ But I appreciate it, really. I love you so much ;u; <3

Roman (10:43 AM): Anything for you, my dear! Enjoy your day!

Virgil (10:43 AM): We love you, ok? We’ll make sure to include you next time.

Virgil (10:43 AM): Promise

Logan (10:44 AM): Tell us if you need something or change your mind

Patton (10:44 AM): I love you too <3 Don’t worry

Patton swiped the chat group off and searched for something to listen while baking some cookies

“I know exactly what I want and who I wanna be. I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine I’m now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy” Marina and the Diamonds - Oh No!

Patton was mouthing the lyrics while scooping the cookie dough. His shoulders wiggling with the song’s catchy rhythm as he felt every beat controlling his body.

Patton didn’t really listen to Marina and the Diamonds so often but Roman successfully made him addicted to this song. Last time he came to sleepover they danced together the whole night and without noticing they were practically lip-synching this song, which was so amazing and powerful that Patton never left this rush go.

He turned the stove on, started the chronometer and just left the music flowing through his body

Patton twirled off the kitchen, the wind following his movements filling his legs with a chilling sensation that would only make his movements more and more powerful.

He was throwing his head back with his eyes closed, shaking it so hard that Patton could feel the curls of his hair touching his cheeks making him smile as bright as the sun.

That’s what he likes the most about being alone. As long as nobody could see he could be as cheerful, loud and expressive as he wants without any judgement. He could manage to make his entire body feel happiness and express it in it’s own way.

He could shake his as weird and as careless he wanted.

His thoughts were cut off by a loud ringing.

- Oops! Almost forgot my cookies!

 “Oh yeah I'm tired of falling Oh yeah For someone else's story 'Cause he gets the girl and I get ticket stubs I guess it's time to write my own personal version of love” Will Jay – Version of Love

Patton (6:34 PM): Hey, Dee! Are you already at Remus and Roman’s house?

DD (6:40 PM): Hey there. Yeah, we’re watching the Saw movie for the 4th time this year -_-

Patton (6:40 PM): Wow…

Patton (6:41 PM): Why you never tell him you don’t like this movie?

DD (6:42 PM): No one likes to hear him beaming about the deaths and all the gore stuff.

DD (6:42 PM): And it’s funny to hear him laughing when that woman tries to reach the keys and ends up trapped

Patton (6:44 PM): Awwwww

Patton (6:45 PM): It’s cute that you do that just to see him happy

DD (6:50 PM): -___-

DD (6:51 PM): If you wanna see it this way

DD (6:55 PM): At least the movie don’t make me feel uncomfortable so it’s more bearable

Patton (6:56 PM): Yup

DD (7:00 PM): Hey, Patton

Patton (7:01 PM): Yes?

DD (7:02 PM): I think I’ll try to tell him tonight

Patton (7:05 PM): Tell what?

DD (7:02 PM): Don’t worry, I’m hidden in the bathroom. He’s not seeing our messages.

Patton (7:03 PM): Oh, ok!

Patton (7:04 PM): Well, good luck! ^^ I’m pretty sure things will turn out fine

DD (7:05 PM): I’m not worried about it

Patton (7:05 PM): Pfff

Patton (7:05 PM): Sure ;)

DD (7:06 PM): urgh

DD (7:07 PM): You should tell Roman too

Patton sighed. There we go again.

Patton (7:07 PM): D, I told you before. I’m not in love with Roman…

Patton (7:08 PM): He is my best friend, just like Logan and Virgil.

DD (7:08 PM): Well, I never said you were not in love with them TOO

DD (7:09 PM): Look

DD (7:10 PM): I know talking to mom and dad will be hard

DD (7:11 PM): It is hard for me too

DD (7:11 PM): But you don’t have to talk to them if you don’t want to

DD (7:12 PM): None of us have

DD (7:13 PM): I’ve always hid my relationships very well, and you know that

DD (7:13 PM): I can help you so they won't find anything out too

DD (7:14 PM): Or… Idk, protect you if they react badly about it

DD (7:14 PM): Just know that I’m on your side, ok?

DD (7:14 PM): I’ll never judge you for being who you really are

DD (7:14 PM): And polyamorous relationships usually go great

Patton didn’t know how to answer. It wasn’t the first time they talked about it.

No matter how many times Patton would say he’s not interested in anyone, D would try to say that he’s in love with Roman or one of his boyfriends.

Or act like he will be in love with someone someday.

But Patton highly doubted that and was pretty fine with it

Patton (7:15 PM): I know, D

Patton (7:15 PM): I love you

DD (7:16 PM): I need to go back now, I’ll talk to you tomorrow

Patton (7:16 PM): Good luck!

He never told his brother about being aromantic and all this talk actually makes him less inclined to do so. He knew he means well despite everything, so Patton never felt like yelling or fighting with him for insisting on it.

But at the same time…

He was so DONE.

It was already difficult for him to find out who he really is.

It was already a huge pain to see that the fact that he doesn’t feel OK with the idea of being romantically attached to someone. That this whole thing actually makes him feel sadder, empty and chained just by the simple thought of it because “that’s what everyone needs to feel”.

It was already difficult for him to see how he can explain his relationship with Logan, Virgil and Roman.

Yes, they were made for each other.

No, he never wants them to go away.

Yes, he loves them A LOT.

But his love was not romantic.

His 3 partners were dating each other romantically but they all see Patton as someone just as important in their lives, even if they don’t see him as a boyfriend.

When they found out about Queerplatonic Relationships it was like big realization and a good way to include Patton in their lives that was not just a simply “he’s my best friend”.

And that makes him so happy, special and wanted he didn’t need or wished anything else.

But it was almost like the whole world was revolved in romance and that was the only way for anyone to find happiness. Like not having a romantic partner meant you’d be “alone forever” as if that was the worst thing ever.

Patton was not alone.

Patton was not unhappy.

Patton was not repressing feelings anymore.

Patton was free. Patton was Patton.

And that was everything he needed.

Why wouldn’t anyone get this? Why was everyone so fixated on it? Why-

- No! – Patton murmured before eating one last cookie and getting up from the sofa and turning his TV off – I’m not letting this ruin my day. I’m gonna take a shower.

“Am I vital If my heart is idle? Am I doomed? … If lovelessness is godlessness Will you cast me to the wayside?” Moses Sumney - Doomed

Ok, maybe choosing this album to listen while taking a shower wasn’t a very uplifting choice. Not that his songs are bad. But they were not the type of songs for you to feel good, it’s more like a song to give you a relatable feeling. Something might make you say “yes, that’s what happens to me".

But the shower did gave him some good, since the cold water mixed with Moses’s voice echoing through the walls were relaxing and almost swooning, like meditating. Logan taught him how to fixate his thoughts in one single thing until he could slowly focus on the sensations of his surroundings and Patton particularly enjoyed doing this in the shower.

Patton threw his naked body in the bed and turned to see his own reflection in the mirror close to it.

He stared at his freckles, covering his entire brown body, and smiled as he remembered how Virgil made a small comment about how much he likes it because as a child he used to look at people with freckles and try to form constellations with them and it was like they have a little piece of the sky with them. That was the best “non-intentionally” cute comment he ever made.

He sat on the side of his bed and stared the mirror, giving more attention to his own details. He looked through his whole “galaxy body” passing some of his fingers through them, mentally picturing the whole sky moving around it. He never knew why but sometimes imagining things like this made him feel so good and at least for a second forget about everything else.

- Let’s see this galaxy dance.

He picked up his phone, chose the first song that came with shuffle mode and got up.

“You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable You are not a robot You're lovable, so lovable But you're just troubled” Marina and the Diamonds – I Am Not a Robot

This time he danced slowly and with his eyes closed.

His arms embracing his body and his movements had no shape or choreography.

It was just free and random.

Patton’s hands were running through his arms gently, like a self-cuddle, having this short moment to love himself.

He was moving his shoulders inclined his head behind and instead of just mouthing the lyrics, Patton allowed himself to actually sing.

He definitely was not.

He was a human being.

A lovely human being.

“It's okay to say you've got a weak spot You don't always have to be on top Better to be hated Than loved loved loved for what your not”

Later that night, now completely undercovers and almost ready to sleep, he received a photo from the chat group of Roman, Virgil and Logan in the cafeteria after watching their movie.

The image of the latino man and the black goth kissing each side of the ginger haired nerd made Patton smile fondly.

Patton (11:12 PM): Omg, you all look so adorable <3

Patton (11:12 PM): I’m happy you enjoyed your movie :3

Virgil (11:14 PM): Yeah, it was really cool

Virgil (11:15 PM): Logan and Roman wouldn’t stop geeking around it after the movie, they almost didn’t finished their meal

Roman (11:16 PM): Oh, come on! There were many things to think about after that

Virgil (11:17 PM): I’m not complaining, charming prince. It was cute seeing you theorizing things.

Roman (11:17 PM): UwU

Roman (11:20 PM): But hey! I guess we were not the only one who had a good movie night ¬u¬~

Roman sent a picture of his twin, laying on the living room’s couch, sleeping with his mouth open and his eyes slightly allowing to see his sclera as a short man with a small vitiligo around his left eye was sleeping on him with this arms embracing the rat man. Patton cooed upon the vision of his brother in such a lovely state.

Roman (11:22 PM): @Patton Morales blackmail? >:)

Patton (11:23 PM): Pffff come on, Roman. We both know none of us would do this xD

Roman (11:23 PM): Urgh, yeah you right…

Roman (11:23 PM): Ah to be a poor honest man, who loves his brother too much

Roman (11:23 PM): ú-ù

Virgil (11:25 PM): Say this for yourselves, I have no sympathy for those dirty little sinners

Roman (11:25 PM): omg VIRGIL!

Virgil (11:26 PM): Urrrrrrgh alright alright, I’m the one who’s not allowed to be a jerk. Sorry.

Roman (11:27 PM): I’m afraid some sins shall not be forgiven, sweet pudding… ú-ù

Virgil (11:27 PM): Tsc, fuck you then. I want my Nightmare Before Christmas DVDs back

Patton (11:27 PM): Omg, dears. Not this late at night xD

Virgil (11:28 PM): lol ok, Patt. Don’t worry, I was just kidding

Virgil (11:28 PM): I highly support your brothers

Virgil (11:29 PM): I love you all

Roman (11:29 PM): I love you too, storm cloud <3

Patton finished to curl up on his bed, hugging one of his pillows like a teddy bear and smiled to the phone screen with his lovely partners texts

Patton (11:30 PM): Hey, loves?

Virgil (11:30 PM): Yeah?

Roman (11:31 PM): Yes, Patton?

Patton (11:32 PM): I know this will sound random but… Thank you

Patton (11:32 PM): Thank you for being with me for so long

Patton (11:32 PM): Thank you for accepting and understanding me

Patton (11:33 PM): Thank you for being so kind and so nice and for having me in your lifes

Patton (11:33 PM): Having you as my partners was the best thing that ever happened to me and I don’t know how I’d be able to live without any of you

Patton (11:34 PM): I just have a lot of feelings hehe

Patton (11:34 PM): Anyway… That’s it. I’m going to sleep now but I had to say it.

Patton (11:35 PM): I love you, dears!

[elejah-wonderland]

I found Love/Fanfiction

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

Fanfiction

Elijah Mikaelson x OC (Elle Alexander)

TVD/TO AU one shot

a/n: This is a one shot - fanfiction challenge as a celebration of @xxwritemeastoryxx 1k followers celebration

The prompt was the song ‘ I found’ by Amber Run

Thank you so much for tagging me for this fanfic challenge @xxwritemeastoryxx​. It means a lot. (*ˊᗜˋ*)/ᵗᑋᵃᐢᵏ ᵞᵒᵘ*

Thank you for reading - I hope you will like it. xoxo

Premise: Elijah Mikaelson is a recluse, living in New York after a witch killed all of his siblings and cursed him, taking away some of his powers.

🦋💕

"Time", Elijah Mikaelson thought as he closed his eyes listening to the nature around him. His thoughts flew back to his family, friends, lovers, times long gone. And he was still there cursed to live and remember.

"Nature has its way of making things right" another thought wondered in, something his mother once said when he was a child.

***

New York

Elle Alexander sat down on the terrace of her stepfather's mansion trying to process the message she had received some time ago. Life was everything but peachy.

"You will make a deal with the vampire?" Jake said as he approached the terrace.

Taking a sip of her coffee, the brunette replied, "Yes."

Her on and off boyfriend Jake hated when she would act secretive, completely excluding him. But that was her nature. Even though she had a big heart, at times her behaviour puzzled him, as well as her mother and her friends.

"What are you doing here, anyway? I thought you'd be all wrapped up in Lola?"

"Elle, please - it was - just a hook up. Meant nothing."

"It meant nothing?! Right." Elle stood up, nodding a little.

"Don't act like you actually are hurt now and you care! You are all wrapped up in that ancient vampire"

The doppelganger sighed. It was true. Since the day she met Elijah Mikaelson, her whole life, her feelings got jumbled up.

Flashback

A few months back

Nina knocked on the door of a house at the edge of town. She waited and as no one answered she knocked again. Suddenly, like a ghost, a man appeared standing right behind her asking, "What is it that you need?"

The woman turned around and the Original's heart  jumped up astonished as she said, "Elijah Mikaelson?"

"Elena" he slipped.

"No, Elle. Elle Alexander" the woman said.

Elijah stood still with no reaction feeling like  his mind was playing tricks on him. All his senses were going wild, the sound of the voice, the smell, alarmed all of his senses, making him burn up with a strange kind of joy. 

"Elle?" he now said making a gesture with a hand,"Please, come in."

Elle walked into the house and the vampire followed. 

Entering a very quaint, but formidable family house, she could not but feel it being completely the opposite of what she would expect from an ancient vampire. The both entered a living room.

Elijah tried to silent his heart, but somehow it was not an easy task. Never in his wildest dreams could he have imagined seeing another doppelganger again. The line was ended with Elena Gilbert, as she had died together with her husband Damon in a car accident, leaving no children behind. How was a doppelganger now standing in his house, so far from the world? Had he now completely lost his mind, he wondered.

"How do you know of - us?" Elijah now asked.

Elle now turned around to face him, replying, "A Grimoire."

"Ah, what witch?" Elijah wanted to know.

"Bonnie Bennett" Elle replied.

Elijah's heart now quivered with more astonishment. The coincidence of her being in possession of a Grimoire of that particular witch was astounding.

It didn't not escape the doppelganger's eyes and she now said-

"Was she a good or evil witch?"

"She was powerful." Elijah replied.

"Really?"

"Yes. What do you know of good and evil witches? And how does this Grimoire survive?" the vampire asked.

"I know all about the witches. And the day of reckoning. And the  balance. The trinity blood- all the vampires dying, except for one, that became cursed and crippled." Nina now looked at the Original and added, "I am sorry if I am - I guess you don't know about the new sire lines."

"New sire- lines? Elijah said.

"Yes. When I was twelve, a woman came to our house, pretending to be a nurse and took my blood. Of course, I didn't know then that it was a witch, who took the blood to start a new sire line of vampires. Then, I didn't know that I have something that is called mystic blood and that I am a doppelganger. That I found out a year after when my mom and I moved to New York, and I made friends with Coco Bennett, whose dad was a witch. But he never practiced. Coco also didn't know anything much until one day we went up the attic and found this Grimoire. And there were all these different spells and a part that looked like a strange diary, with a lot of pictures of people, and me- well, Elena, that's what it said. The name you mentioned- there were a few other books about the day of reckoning." Nina explained.

"Elena Gilbert" Elijah now said with a nostalgic import in his voice. 

"It said you knew all the doppelgangers" Elle said.

"I did. Well, except for one. She lived in the ancient times, before I was born."

"It's like so crazy. I am still processing that I am one- and it's been so ten damned years."

"Processing" Elijah repeated and it took him straight back to the conversation he and Elena had a long time ago.

"Yeah- I really didn't care about it. Neither did Coco, but then, two years ago, a friend of mine was turned and she was killed by my boy-friend, a werewolf, and Coco had to restrain him. Things got worse, because the vampires started to multiply like pest, and the werewolves packs started killing them, and it turned into full gang war. Coco found other witches to try and stop them, but we need to make a hunter, and we know it could be done. And we tried, but something was missing. My blood was not enough. One ingredient was missing. Blood of an Original witch."

Now it was clear to Elijah why the doppelganger was there. 

"You want to make a vampire hunter?!" Elijah asked.

"Yes. And we looked hard to find the ingredient- and - it led to you." Elle said. 

"Hm" Elijah muttered. It one point or the other there was this something that had brought her to him. "How did you find me?"

"You are made from the mystic blood- and Coco did a spell- but I saw you in my dreams- long before I read about - you- and your family-" Elle replied and added,"You know the dreams where future and past come together."

"I know." Elijah said in a low voice. 

And there was silence for a moment. Elijah seemed to have yet again slipped somewhere like into a ghost- like dream. Elle looked at him as if she also had transcended in one of her dreams. The meeting was bizarre enough, but now she felt like it moved into something that was like an out of body experience. So many times she had woken up and it felt like the dreams would linger with her even when she was wide awake. She now looked at his eyes that were blinded by magic, and they were like dark clouds had descended upon them. 

"Maybe Coco can do away with the magic that has made you blind. I can't promise anything." the doppelganger said. 

He had known all the doppelgangers being straight forward and bold with him, but Elle exhibited such familiarity that he could not completely grasp. And once again he thought that this was some kind of magical ploy, but the witches who made him into the shadow of a vampire he once was. 

"What?" Elle uttered.

"For me to agree to whatever you need, you have a witch up your sleeve."

"Nothing comes free in this life" Elle said. "Trust me, I know it so very well. I have never seen anyone do anything out of the goodness of their heart. There is always something. Name your price"

"I will do it." Elijah suddenly said, "I just want one thing in return."

"Name it" Elle said.

"I want your witch to kill me."

Elle looked at the vampire surprised at the request, but then she said, "It's a deal."

"It's a deal." Elijah muttered. 

Nina got up from where she was sitting and giving him one more look said, "I will see you tomorrow."

The doppelganger walked out of the house. 

Elijah moved to the window and even though he could not see her walking away, he listened to her footsteps as long as they could be heard. He revoked the sweet heartbeats that played like a song.

She put the phone in her jacket with her mind echoing the intense moment they had last night. All the other doppelgangers felt a profound connection to him. Was it the mystic blood that bound them? Or was it something utterly cosmic? She, who has never been stirred by anything in her life, now was puzzled. Though she tried hard to shake him, she knew already that he already got deep under her skin.

With a slilent sigh, she got up and walked into the house. And there he was appearing in front of her like a ghost. Elle jumped a little, taking a step back.

“Did I startle you? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you - I was just -” Elijah said gesturing to the desk by the window, ”I thought I had left my phone here”

“There is nothing on the table” Elle replied, biting a gulp back. A strange feeling of nervousness took over her and though her mind was telling her to turn around and leave, she stood there, like she was frozen in the moment.

“What is it? You’re trembling? Is everything ok?” Elijah said, sensing the weariness exuding from the doppelganger.

The doppelganger looked at the Original silent, biting a gulp back as she battled with her heart and the feelings now crackling in her blood. And then she closed the gap between them, puttomg both of her hands on his cheeks. With feather light touches she slowly brushed over his facial features whispering, "I know that you are hurting -but- I can’t let you go - I can’t let you die- Elijah - this is all crazy I know - I agreed - we had a deal - but I’m breaking this deal"

l use you as a warning sign That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind And I'll use you as a focal point So I don't lose sight of what I want And I've moved further than I thought I could But I missed you more than I thought I would And I'll use you as a warning sign That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind

Elijah now put his index finger on her mouth to stop her from talking further, even though he would gladly listen to her forever. His fingers now played all over her face. Whatever nature had in mind by bringing the doppelganger to him yet again, his heart now could not stop but flutter again as her scent, her trembling, her touch, her nearness, her pounding heart jumping up with joy.

Lips on lips blossomed like a stream of thunder, wedging the fire that resonated all inside of them.

And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be Right in front of me Talk some sense to me

Easing out of the kiss, Elijah now smiled, whispering dearly, “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here to stay.Always and Forever”

[mfackenthal]

The MFackenthal Show with Guest Star @usuallyamazinglyaverage!

banner by @whenyourheartskipsabeat

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Megs:  Hello Hello Hello!!!  Oh my gosh, I cannot believe it has been so long since my last show.  It’s truly so wonderful to see all of you here!  Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to catch up on my old shows and to encourage me to continue with them!  But enough about me, I am not why you are here today.  Today, you are here to meet another AMAZING guest.  Please help me welcome to the stage @usuallyamazinglyaverage​!

Mar shyly walks on the stage and gives Megs a hug.  They sit down on the couch facing the audience, their bodies angled towards one another. 

Mar, I am so glad that you are here today.  Thank you for agreeing to be on the show! 

Mar: Megs, I am delighted and simply honored to be here.  I can’t believe I am on The Mfackenthal Show! 

Megs: And I am so glad you are here.  You and I connected over a shared love for one Ethan Ramsey and I have loved watching you grow as a writer! 

Mar:  Awh, Megs!  I think I’m blushing! 

Megs: Oh stop!  You’re an amazing writer.  And we’re going to talk all about that shortly, but first, can you tell us when you joined the fandom and what brought you here? 

Mar:  Well, I officially joined in mid-april 2019, when I created my blog, but I’ve been following the choices fandom for much longer than that. While I’ve been a part of other fandoms before, this was the first time I really wanted to join in.

BRRRRRING!  BRRRRRING!!! A phone rings from somewhere backstage. 

Megs and Mar look at each other with questions in their eyes.  Megs looks behind her for the source of the sound, but when it stops, she just looks at Mar and shrugs.  

… I discovered the choices app by chance in the Apple store one weekend, while looking for something to distract myself with. I always loved games that featured in-depth romances, so of course my interest was peaked immediately. The first book that got my attention was Big Sky Country. I was instantly hooked. After I read that one, I browsed through more books and found Open Heart. Pixelberry had just released the first few chapters - and that’s when the real fun began! Hospital drama? Interesting plot? Quite a few really cool love interests? Sign me the heck up!  Of course, the one who got me really into it was our resident smartass doctor, Ethan Ramsey... Which is why I looked through tumblr right after finishing chapter 3, to see if a fandom for this strange and wonderful game existed. The rest is, as you say, history.

Megs: And just about a year later, you’re still here!  And so is Open Heart 2!!  Eeek!  That last chapter you wrote with Ethan helping MC work out and then showering.  Damn girl!  If you haven’t read it yet, folks, check out the link at the bottom of your screen: 

https://usuallyamazinglyaverage.tumblr.com/post/612091098044792832/two-more-minutes-ethan-x-mc

While Megs is pointing out the link, a red phone booth is rolled out onto the left side of the stage beside the couch.  Mar just glares at it.  Megs doesn’t seem to see it at all because it’s behind her.

Megs:  The fandom is an interesting place.  What do you love about the fandom?  What do you dislike? What would you like to say to the fandom? 

Mar:  The better question is, what don’t I love about it? There is so much talent and kindness in this fandom, it’s sort of mindblowing! I was welcomed with such enthusiasm and I have made many (hopefully) lasting friendships as well. But, like all fandoms, we have our problems. Some people will never get over the fact that the opinions of others will often differ from their own. That kind of toxicity is a part of every fanbase, unfortunately. 

The phone in the phone booth starts ringing.  Megs jumps up and practically into Mar’s lap. 

Megs: What the hell?!  

Megs and Mars just hold each other for a moment. 

The phone keeps ringing.

Megs:  Umm, should we answer it? 

Mar:  Not it! 

Megs:  What?!  They’re probably calling for you!

Mar:  Megs, this is your show.  I’m guessing it’s for you. 

Megs:  Hmm, that is strong logic.  Let’s just ignore it and see if it stops. 

Mar:  Sounds good to me. 

Megs:  Okay, umm, what were we talking about … 

Brrrrrring!  

Megs:  damn it! Why is it still ringing?!  I guess phone booths don’t have voicemail, huh?  Okay … umm … shakes her head … okay, tell me, what do you do when you’re not producing work for the fandom; what do you do for fun?

The phone stops ringing.

Mar:  Oh, the silence is wonderful, isn’t it?  Well, when I’m not writing for the fandom or interacting with other fans, I go to school. I’m currently finishing up the first year of my apprenticeship, to become a nursery school teacher/educator. The whole thing is super stressful, but it’s my dream to one day work with kids and teens. So I endure, haha!  

As for fun, You already know that I love writing and reading, of course. I also play a lot of video games, they have played a huge part in life since I was about seven years old. I also meet up with close friends, when I have the time. 

Megs: Speaking of writing - I totally got sidetracked by that damned-

Brrrrring!  The phone starts ringing again. 

Megs: looks down dejectedly - phone.  Ugh!  I hate phone calls.  How about you, Mar?

Mar:  Oh Megs, the truth is I’m a dork! I can interact with people under normal circumstances just fine, I am usually quite confident. But talking on the phone? Nope. Job interviews? Total nope. Flirting? Absolute no go. I’m a social disaster when it comes to that kind of stuff.  The phone is the worst. 

Megs:  Awh, well, you’re doing great on my show.  We would never have known any of that!  I’m guessing you told my producers about hating the phone and they decided all these phones would be funny because I also hate the phone.  I was really hoping you’d want to answer these phones ... but I guess our shared hatred that means it would be really mean of me to ask you to answer this phone then, huh? 

Mar:  In fact, it would be. 

Megs:  Hmm … well, I have an idea … 

Megs goes into the phone booth and picks up the receiver and then just drops it back on the base.    

Megs:  There we go - we can just say we got disconnected.  .  

Mar just laughs while Megs looks very smug and proud of herself. 

Megs:  So, let’s talk some more about writing.  What’s your favorite work that you have written?

Mar:  Mhhh, I actually think that changes every time I post something new! My more recent works are the ones I often enjoy the most, because I can see the improvements I made, I can see progress in my writing. People may have noticed that I write a lot of smut - which is also a favorite pastime for me. Something about writing it just tickles my fancy, I have so much fun doing it!

Megs:  What a healthy attitude!  Can you share with us your writing process? 

Mar:  To be honest, I don’t really have one. I write when inspiration strikes and when I feel up to it. When an idea excites me, it usually takes me a lot of time to get it done, because I want it to be just right. What I do need for writing is music that fits the topic of the fic though. If it’s something fluffy, I’ll listen to romantic songs. If it’s something smutty, I’ll listen to sexy songs. It helps me get into the right headspace for whatever I’m about to write.

Megs:  What advice do you have for other writers? Especially other fanfic writers? 

Mar:  Best advice I can give is not to think too hard about it. Just go with the flow, write what feels good. When the words won’t come, step away from your work and take a breather. Eat something. Do some sit-ups. Watch an episode of your favorite show. Just come back to it later, your inspiration will strike eventually.

Megs:  That is sage advice. 

Mar:  Now Megs, I have a question for you.  How and where did you get the idea for the interviews? I’ve never seen anything like this on tumblr!

Megs:  That’s a great question, Mar.  The idea was the brainchild of a group of people.  It started with me trying to find a way to add something to the fandom that didn’t involve me writing a fic.  At that time, I said I wasn’t a writer.  I read and I left reviews and that was as much writing as I was willing to do.  I was gaining followers though and I wanted to do something to give back to the fandom.  Through the help of people who are no longer with us, but also @maxattack-powell​, @lizeboredom​, and a few others, I learned that people were truly interested in learning more about each other but the connections could be hard to make.  I figured this was where I could help the fandom.  While I hate the phone, I love messaging people via text and I have no fear in messaging someone and asking questions.  If they don’t respond, that’s okay!  So I came up with a set of questions and wrote the first show as though I was just at a bar or something.  When people really enjoyed that, I came up with the idea of serializing the show and here we are!

And that’s the end of today’s show.  Mar, thank you so much for coming on today’s show.  To everyone in the audience, thank you for coming to today’s show!  I look forward to seeing you on our next show!!

The phone starts ringing again. 

Megs:  I bet that’s my producer calling to remind me that to say that tickets can be purchased online or over the phone.  Luckily for you, I won’t be the one answering the phones.  Because this is what that would look like:   

Megs gets up and this time she picks up the receiver and instead of putting it back on the base, she just lets the phone hang.  It swings back and forth.  

Megs takes Mar’s arm and together they walk off stage.  

~~~~~

And now for the tags.  I’m only tagging people who have specifically mentioned an interest in The MFackenthal Show.  If you want to be added to the tag list for these or removed, please let me know!

@hopefulmoonobject​ @queen-among-writers​, @hopelessromantic1352​, @lilyofchoices​, @msjpuddleduck​, @theroyalweisme​, @lady-kato

[raspberry-arev]

And there was only one bed! (Snowbaz fic)

I know this is a very overdone trope, but I also happen to be a complete sucker for it. Hopefully someone will share my sentiment. (Also, this is my first fanfic. And first story written in English. Sorry if it’s not as good as I thought, haha)

Summary: Simon and Baz still share a room at Watford. Simon’s nightmares are getting unbearable… and one night, his magic sets fire to his bed. What will happen next will shock you!!1!

Word count: 7.5k

Tags: angst, sharing beds, cuddling, fluff, Baz being a tortured soul

Baz

It all started with fire.

I would assume about two hours had passed since my return from the catacombs. I had been exhausted enough to fall face-first into my pillow, not even bothering to change out of my clothes before I fell asleep. It had been a long day… and by trying to avoid Simon Snow, I had made it even longer.

He was already snoring lightly with his mouth open when I came back. He looked stupid. And he was still asleep as the smell of smoke woke me up. 

I guess I heard him whine in his sleep, too, but I didn’t pay attention anymore. It was an unwritten rule between us that we pretended we didn’t notice the other having night terrors; one of the few remaining lines even I haven’t crossed. Which speaks volumes. I’m proficient at being an asshole.

Yet, this time, I could tell something was different.

Worse.

He was tossing in his sheets, head twitching from side to side, stifled moans getting stuck somewhere in his throat. His hair was damp with sweat. And it looked as if… as if his edges were getting blurry and shaky. As if he was dissolving into pure energy.

Then it hit me, right before I breathed in again, tasting the smoke on my tongue.

Simon Snow was catching fire.

I would rather be in this room with a bomb than Snow as he is losing control of his magic. Especially considering that I was made to be burned alive.

“Snow,” I hissed sharply, swinging my legs over the edge of my bed.

His breathing was getting more and more ragged, chest rising and falling at an incredible speed.

“Snow,” I spoke up. Didn’t really feel like shaking him. That would probably make matters worse. “For Morgana’s sake, Snow, it’s just a dream. Snap out of it!”

Smoke was rising from underneath his body. His body barely looked like a body anymore – just a buzzing, shaky mess, power and heat solidified. A thought formed in my mind, of running out of the room as fast as possible and leaving him behind. He was so not my responsibility…

But of course, I didn’t. I like to flirt with death at any given opportunity. Instead of escaping, I just so managed to grab my wand and shouted: “Simon, wake up!”

I must have instinctively put some magic into that order.

Simon’s eyes flew open and he gasped for breath –

As the bed burst into flames with him in it. Like a fucking funeral pyre.

I screamed in terror before all spells used to put out fires in all languages I know came pouring from my lips. To my own shock, Snow rolled out of the burning bed to my feet, not a single scratch on him. He started slapping his pajama bottoms that have, unlike him, caught on fire in some places, and I just yelled something along the lines of “Alaister fucking Crowley fucking help me”. A Snow-made fire was not easy to tame. And at any moment, I could step too close and I would light up…

But eventually, I found myself standing in a dark, quiet room, the blackened remains of a bed frame right in front of me. And Simon Snow beside me. Still shaking, still breathing too fast… and in his hand that bloody sword. What was he going to do? Stab the fire to death?!

“Do you think you’ll ever manage to stop being a useless excuse for a magician,” I growled at him, “and take out your wand before that primitive pointy stick?”

“I just – I – what happened?”

“You fucking went supernova, o Chosen One, that’s what happened!” Now that we were both safe, I had to resist the urge to punch him square in the face. “As if it’s not enough that I have to breathe the same air as you, now I should worry that I’ll burn to death in my sleep?!”

“Well, sorry,” he snapped. “It’s not like I had any control over what happened!”

“Oh, don’t worry. I would never think you are capable of having anything under control.”

“Why are you always such… such a complete prick?”

“It’s what I do best. Kind of like you with putting people in danger just by being alive.”

His eyes were like an open book for me to read in. I clearly saw the flash of hurt that my words have caused. Hit a sore spot, have I?

My job of making him feel miserable was done. I turned my back and remarked: “If you have no other plans to roast me alive, I’d like to go back to sleep.”

Snow stayed silent. Only a huff of air made it clear to me that he was frustrated. I didn’t even manage to properly lie down before he spoke again.

“Is there any spell to repair the bed?”

“After you have turned it to ashes?” I laughed at him. “No.”

“I bet you wouldn’t tell me even if you knew, huh.”

“Ah, maybe you’re not so daft after all.”

I made myself comfortable in the sheets, very aware of Snow’s look that bore into my back. He did look very shaken up just then. But I forcibly silenced that small part of me that was concerned for his wellbeing – there would be no asking whether he is alright. I’ve made it worse for him, haven’t I? So why would I care to ask questions I already know the answer to?

Just as I closed my eyes, I heard him speak again.

“Where the fuck am I supposed to sleep then?”

Although he was swearing… It almost sounded like a plea.

I gritted my teeth and spat out: “In the bathtub for all I care.”

A second later, the bathroom door loudly slammed shut.

I hated myself.

I hated myself for doing this, I hated myself for feeling guilty for doing this, I hated myself for how desperately I wanted to save him just moments ago.

I gave in for just a small moment and imagined Simon Snow crawling into my bed, into my arms. So warm and irresistibly alive.

And then I imagined us both burn.

Just as it should be.

***

From what I’ve heard, the Watford administration was very different while Mother was still in charge of the school. In a way that there was actual work getting done. She imposed order and structure and put thought into choosing competent staff members. Of course, it was no news to me that everything has been falling apart since the Mage rose to power… But now I had just another fucking bone to pick with him.

As I came back to our shared room the next evening, I expected to see a new bed waiting for Snow and all signs of the fire magicked away. But what was waiting for me there was the same mess that was there the night before. Half-burned wall, blackened floorboards and the stench of smoke still in the air, despite all windows being open. The only difference was that someone had got rid off the discarded bedframe. But that might’ve been Snow himself.

I would have thought the Mage would rush to make his favourite boy soldier comfortable again.

Maybe he didn’t care much after all.

Snow’s barely noticed that I had made my entrée. He was sitting at the table, legs folded strangely underneath himself. The torn, tattered pages in front of him appeared to be his homework, but he clearly wasn’t paying attention to that either. He kept staring out the window.

I didn’t even have to look at his face; the air was already heavy around him, the stillness of an unbearably hot summer day you can’t wait to be over. This is what his magic did when he was moping.

I took a stride to my bed. Slowly, I let the blazer fall off my shoulders. Then I hung it neatly over the unoccupied chair and sat down on my bed, breathing out just loudly enough so it would send a clear message to Snow: I have a bed to relax in. You don’t.

He was at the very edge of my vision now… but I could his shoulders hunch a little. Pretty sure he was gritting his teeth at me.

I could have just looked at him – I had reasons to be convinced that with a horrible posture like that, his back muscles would be visible through the shirt, that was always quite a sight. But I decided not to be completely pathetic… today. There was a time and place for everything.

Plus, Mother was probably rolling in her grave as it was.

Perhaps I could go check one of these nights? Her undead son hunting rodents in her tomb had not woken her up from her eternal sleep. But maybe, if I sat down and told her about the boy I have a crush on, she would rise just to personally drag me into the pits of hell.

I felt my brows furrow at the thought.

Time to pass on some of my misery. Was planning on it, anyway.

“Are you going to clean up after yourself?” I asked in the coldest tone possible. “Or should I hire a maid?”

Hearing my voice so suddenly made him jump. He tried to cover it, but playing cool was decidedly not one of the three things in life that Simon Snow was good at.

(Those were, not necessarily in this order: swinging a sword, taking orders from the Mage and being way too bloody attractive for anybody’s good.)

(Oh, and eating like a pig. So four.)

He turned half-way and said: “I got rid of the bed.”

“Lovely, would you like a medal?”

Exasperated sigh. “Just… just what do you want, Baz?”

I stabbed at the burnt wall with my eyes, then looked back at him. “So this shit is now a part of the interior design?”

He brought his hand up and pulled on his hair.

I kept on pushing. “Maybe you’re used to having your living space look like a slum, Snow, considering the hole you crawled out of. But I suggest you get off your ass and fix it. Right now.”

“I – I thought – look, wouldn’t it be better if –”

“If what? If I did it for you?” I arched my eyebrow. “You’ve got to be fucking joking.”

“No! Just let me speak!” he bursted. Then he immediately took a breath in, determined to keep his composture.

Right. That was not going to happen.

This was a game. A game that could only end in my driving him so mad he wouldn’t manage to put together a coherent sentence. Possibly even cry, but maybe we were too old for that now. What a shame.

“Look,” Snow mumbled, “I’m gonna have it fixed. Soon. If… If I tried to do anything about it, the whole wall could just… disappear.” His voice full of shame, he added: “Things like that happened before.”

Was I supposed to feel sorry for him?

“You really are a sorry excuse for a mage,” I told him.

Snow’s face scrunched up like a child’s before he turned his back.

“But you do keep surprising me with how much worse you can get.”

“You say,” he blurted out.

“Great comeback,” I laughed at him, gaining momentum with every word. “Tells a great deal about your intelligence, just like the fact any twelve-year-old with magic could clean up after himself… but here you are. Waiting on other people to fix your fuck-ups as usual.”

“Stop.”

“Why don’t you run to papa Mage and bring him here? I’m sure that would make me stop. Or you could tell him you’re having bad dreams, he could come and tuck you in every night.”

“You –”

“I imagine he doesn’t want to spend more time around you than absolutely needed. Who can blame him. I’m stuck here with you and I feel my braincells dying every time I hear you speak.”

“Crowley, just – why – what are you –”

“Oh, there they go again. Gone. With every single word.”

“Jesus Christ, leave me the fuck alone,” he boomed, apparently at the end of his wits. (Whether he had any wits to begin with was disputable.) I could feel my lips sealing on their own as he stormed across the room and slammed the door so loudly the walls shook.

I sighed and relaxed into my mattress.

Finally. I had hoped to get a chance to nap in solitude.

 ***

That evening I decided to pass on the hunting. The nap I took left me all blurry and cranky and unwilling to move from my bed. I was sure I had drunk quite enough the previous night.

Besides, I couldn’t miss Snow coming back to the dorm room. I had to let him know how laughable his little tantrum was.

And yet, when he did return… I couldn’t bring myself to make a single comment about it.

Not because my heart had grown too gentle to torture him – as if that would ever happen. It was because Snow looked like hell. He did try to hide his face. But his eyes were all red and puffy. Morgana, was this real? Had I actually made him cry, just like when we were kids?

Maybe I was really getting soft. Because the thought made me feel guilty. Come to think of it… Snow had been having nightmares as long as I’ve known him, but these couple of weeks were positively more intense. He jolted awake multiple times a night, often almost catching me midnight snacking. The circles under his eyes grew deeper, darker. Like bruises.

Snow stomped to the wardrobe and started to pull out items of clothing at random, clumping them together. I was not worth a single look to him. Still, I put on a condescending expression, just in case.

I could feel a strange emotion grow in my chest. He was clearly on his way to sleep in the tub again – moron, he could’ve made a king-sized bed if he had learned to use his power properly – and I just couldn’t stop thinking about… things.

No, not those things. Crowley. More like Snow bursting into bright orange flames again. Locked in the bathroom. Devoured by fire…

It shouldn’t bother me. Fuck. It really shouldn’t. A dead Mage’s heir should be the best case scenario.

But it really wasn’t. Not to me.

I just… I was afraid for his life. I was a disgrace to my family and their values, I was the stupidest bastard alive… But I didn’t want Snow dead. I knew damn well why that is. Deep down. But just for the sake of my pride, I pretended it was because I had worked way too hard to end Snow for him to kill himself. Accidently, in his sleep.

Snow turned to me at the stupidest possible moment. I scrambled to get my expression under control. Who knows if it worked.

“You need to use the bathroom?” he spat out. “Or can I go lie down?”

I kept staring into his eyes, motionless.

Frankly, it did not happen very often that I’d find my morality challenged… since I had none. Now, my chest felt stuffed. And I wasn’t entirely sure what to do.

I didn’t like this.

Snow curled his lip and soon after, the bathroom door slammed shut behind him. There was a soft click of the lock. At the exact same moment, I caught myself reaching for the doorknob.

I grabbed my own arm and retrieved it. I shook my head; what was I thinking? I mean… there was a spell, of course… but even if Snow would’ve wanted my help, which I was sure he wouldn’t have, what good would it do? At the end of the day, he was still the Mage’s pet.

I couldn’t be the one saving The Simon Snow. No matter how many feelings for him I’ve harboured, we were at the opposite ends of the barricade. Actually, no – we were going to be the first to come through the barricade to try and take the other’s life.

I sat back on my bed.

I would leave him be, I decided. Wellbelove could kiss his pain away the following morning for all I care.

If he is alive the following morning, my mind opposed.

Aleister Crowley! What was happening to me?!

What I wanted to do, truly wanted to do… it wasn’t clever. It didn’t profit me or anyone I cared for. But there was, jumping to my feet and going back to the bathroom door. Taking a deep breath.

Then I called: “Snow?”

“Sod off,” he yelled back.

“Oh, save it,” I roll my eyes. “Just come out. I want to talk.” That was not true. I wanted to talk as little as possible. Solve the problem of the missing bed and say little to nothing about it.

“Ask if I care.”

Impatient, I knocked on the door multiple times just a little too strong. “I don’t have all night,” I rose my voice. “If you want to sleep in the tub so badly, then suit yourself. But there’s another way, so just get over yourself and open the damn door.”

There was only silence on the other side.

Then I heard steps. The familiar click of the lock. Two blue eyes looked up at me.

I swallowed.

I couldn’t believe I was doing this.

“So?” Snow asked, wary, but curious. “What is it?”

I narrowed my eyes. “Just to be clear, I don’t want anybody hearing about this,” I warned him, “or else I will find you and hex you. Understood?”

Snow shrugged, and his fingers found their way to the cross necklace he was wearing. I always found it annoying when he fiddled with it. I found it annoying that he had it in the first place. Yet another fuck you just for me.

“Alright, and…?”

It was especially hard to find words to explain what I was about to do. For… For him. To think that I’d be helping Snow instead of making his life even more hell…

Instead of speaking, I just took out my wand.

I knew what to do.

To my defence, it had not been my idea to watch Normal shows. It was Aunt Fiona, who found the Normal world really entertaining for some odd reason, that had me sit through four seasons of Doctor Who. After that, I eloquently explained that I thought it was kind of dumb. She still made me try out multiple spells that she’d invented after binge-watching the entire thing.

Now, I pointed the wand at my bed and cast a spell: “It’s bigger on the inside.” For this one to work, you had to mimic one of the Doctors’ accents. I was more than ready to murder Snow if he had laughed at me.

“I didn’t know that one,” he pointed out the obvious.

“Of course you didn’t.”

“What did it do though?”

I decided to demonstrate. I sat on the bed and scooted back to the wall, further and further, until my legs were stretched out in front of me. Which, obviously, was not supposed to be possible. The bed was not wide enough for that.

The trick was that whatever you used the spell on looked the same, but it got as spacious as needed. You could get infinite storage space without visibly enlarging the wardrobe, for example.

Considering this single bed… well, I suppose the entire football team could sleep on it and they wouldn’t even touch.

This spell was a bit of an eyesore, unfortunately. I could see Snow blinking in confusion. He saw the same thing I did – my legs laying comfortably on the mattress, and yet, the bed stayed the same size. Visually, my legs didn’t shrink, the bed didn’t get bigger… both realities existed at once. It was a bit much for the mind to handle.

“It’s as big as needed,” I explained briefly, not looking at him anymore. “You can sleep here just this once. And make sure it doesn’t have to happen again. Got it?”

“I – I mean –“ He looked shocked. Amazed, even.

“Speak, Snow.”

“Yes,” he nodded. His eyes got a completely bewildered look in them, I couldn’t keep the eye contact. “I – yeah.”

“The blanket is mine,” I informed him coldly. I would not pamper him like that. It was enough that I had just invited him into my bed.

Fuck’s sake. It’s going to smell like him, too, isn’t it? My mouth went dry at the thought. This was probably the stupidest idea I’ve had in the last ten years. Completely off the charts idiotic.

Good thing I had already changed into my pyjamas. Without a word, I lay down and slithered as close to the wall as possible; I felt as though I was never going to reach it. I covered myself with the blanket head to toe.

Nothing in this world would make me confess how nervous I was about the whole premise of Simon bloody Snow sleeping in the same bed as me. As I was laying there, a lot of memories came rushing to my mind. Of being fifteen and dying over how much I wanted Snow’s body on mine. How many fantasies of him getting up in the middle of the night and crawling into my bed had kept me up for hours? Smelling of firewood, his hands roaming under the sheets and his stupid mouth following suit…?

No.

No, this was not something I wanted to bring back. If he touched me, even by accident, I was pushing him onto the floor.

But still, I just knew where he was, how far from me exactly. I listened to him change from his clothes, the fabric rustling, floorboards creaking under his feet. Eventually he turned off the light and lay down somewhere behind me. So far… and yet so awfully close.

There was complete dead silence for a while.

Before Snow cleared his throat.

“Baz?” he sighed silently. “Thanks.”

I closed my eyes.

“Shut up.”

 ***

When I heard Snow whimpering in his sleep, I thought the events of last night had just come creeping into my dreams. This couldn’t be real.

Then came the burning smell. The air got thicker and every hair on my body stood up. It made me lift my head from the pillow to check on Snow.

It was the same as last time. Only I was closer. All the twitching, his body crackling with energy. Almost glowing with it.

My drowsy brain took about a second to know Snow was having terrors again. And another one to deduct that he was about to blow up my bed, taking me with it. He might’ve made it the last time, survived the magickal fire he started. Me? Not a chance there.

I was not ready to meet my fate.

I could feel panic rise in my throat and I pushed it down. In a millisecond, I calculated my chances. Snow will blow up, set me on fire. I die. Everybody in the dorm would be in danger. I couldn’t reach my wand, left it on the bedside table. No use talking to Snow, wake him up. No use trying to get out. He was getting all blurry again… his power made my mouth taste of smoke and blood.

The realisation dawned on me.

There was nothing I could do that was sure to save me.

In what I considered to be my last moments, I instinctively did the thing I wanted to do the most, just to keep the theme of being a pitiful, lovesick fool. Reaching across the bed, I took Snow’s hand. Closed my eyes.

I knew you would rid this world of me, I thought at him. It seemed to me like I was thanking him for the deed.

And then…

There was no fire.

Snow just squeezed my hand so tightly I felt my joints crack and curled around it like a small, frightened child. He was still breathing way too quickly… but the air got colder. The smoke was scattering.

I could not believe my eyes. Snow was holding onto my hand. I felt my pulse shoot up as I took in the view.

Something was telling me there was more. More I could do. And I felt like it must’ve been my destiny to die that night, because if Snow hadn’t killed me before he wakes from his nightmare… he sure would after.

Either way, I grit my teeth and came closer to Snow and our joint hands. I pulled the boy to my chest, all touches soft as velvet. His cross was buzzing between us, just another point of tension.

Snow’s bare skin was feverishly hot. I wish I wasn’t cold as a corpse. I wish I was alive.

Nevertheless, I tried to make the hug as comforting as possible. I ran my fingers through his hair; I saw Wellbelove do that once at the dinner table and Snow looked like he was just about to start purring. I kept my eyes on the black void of the opposite wall, a reminder of what I was trying to prevent here, and cautiously scratched snow’s scalp. Just like I had seen his girlfriend doing it.

He relaxed against me almost immediately.

His hair was incredibly soft. I’d never got to touch it before, although I’d always…

My throat got tighter. I had to stop the train of thought immediately.

I was just going mad because of him, wasn’t I?

As if he had heard that, Snow twitched in his sleep and I brought him closer, petting his head, letting him drool onto my shirt. A giant murderous baby, that’s what he was. And I was just the moron that was stuck cradling him. And I was indulging in it. And I wished I could erase the memory of what it felt like to be so close to him after this moment…

I sighed and scratched Snow’s head again.

At least this bloody thing worked.

If nothing else, it was a good call to try and calm him down like this. He was getting more stable by the second.

“Shhh,” I found myself cooing. This night was not going to get any stranger at this point, no matter what I did. “It’s okay. You are going to be okay.”

Snow didn’t register that I spoke to him. Fortunately. He was fast asleep in my arms. I kept absentmindedly stroking his hair before I finally drifted off as well…

“Baz…?’”

What… What was that? I felt so hot…

“Baz – what the hell are you – what is happening?!”

Crowley.

Oh no.

My eyes flew open just to meet Snow’s. He was so close. And so extremely confused, trying to push me away. I saved him the trouble as I scrambled away in panic. He grabbed his arms like a lady that had just been harassed.

I regained false composure in a bat of an eye. I would have been completely red by now if I had any fresh blood left in me. Good thing I hadn’t drank this time.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Snow.” I made a mildly disgusted face. “I was trying to save my life from a certain pyromaniac.”

His eyes widened. First, there was understanding. Then shock.

“So you… you just… cuddled me?!”

“Fuck’s sake. It worked. Don’t be an idiot!”

I aggressively threw the blanket over myself and turned to face the wall.

I fucked up. I fucked up. I fucked it up so badly. Now the entire school’s about to learn that I cuddle my arch nemesis in my sleep. Snow is undoubtedly going to tell everyone, just as he’s been trying to convince the whole school that I’m an undead vampire that is planning his downfall. (Which is more or less correct, but that’s not the point.)

“It’s not – I mean – sorry,” Snow blabbered behind me. “And thanks again. Not – not for that, for stopping me. Er. Sorry.”

“You’re fucking welcome.”

“Baz – I –”

“That was not an imploration to keep talking, Snow. I’m going back to sleep.”

I felt him sink into the mattress.

When he took a breath to speak again, I thought I would rip his head off.

“It’s just… the terrors. They are getting worse.”

“You wouldn’t believe,” I sighed, “how happy I am to hear that.”

It shut him right up. Didn’t even call me evil, which was a first. It really must have bothered him… I was cursing at myself internally, but I asked anyway: “What are they about?”

“Huh?”

“The dreams. What are they about?”

Snow paused.

When he answered, his tone was flat. Dark.

“Everyone dead. Because of me.”

 ***

We said nothing about any of that in the morning. Who knows what Snow was thinking.

All I did was take the memory of him in my arms that was tingling in my skin and lock it somewhere deep inside of me. I would reach for it, I was sure, at those times when I would muse about how utterly miserable my entire life was. How I could never love anybody else but him. And how that doesn’t even matter because we were bound to destroy each other from day one.

 ***

“Look – er, I’m sorry, I really tried to get hold of someone, but –”

“Why am I not surprised?”

“Sorry, Baz. Come on, don’t look at me like that, I really am sorry. I can go back to the bathroom, you know, if –”

“If I would rather you didn’t set me on fire?”

“Technically. Yeah.”

I sighed. I thought that would be a one-night-only issue. The bed. But apparently, the universe has a wicked sense of humour.

“Why don’t you just tell your little sidekick Bunce to come here and take care of it? I assume a single bed wouldn’t be much of a challenge for her.”

His eyes darted around the room. “Penelope can’t come here. She’s… a girl. That’s impossible.”

“You must be daft as a troll to believe I didn’t know.”

“I – er – I don’t – Penny never –”

“Save it.”

His ears were red as a beat. He didn’t look at me again, just pulled as his hair and stuttered out: “Uh – will you be taking a shower? Or can I…”

There was no need for me to protest. I knew that. I could’ve just refused to share my bed again. That’s what I would do if I wasn’t just a little too desperate and eager to torture myself. But I had convinced myself that this thing – Snow in my bed, but not the way I wanted it, never the way I wanted it – was something I fully deserved. Why wouldn’t I?

I did not deserve nice things, that was for sure.

I did not deserve the golden boy. He was not for me. But I could borrow him one more time.

I made my way to the door. “I’ll be back,” I said, looking him up and down, “but you’re not sleeping in the bathroom.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because it’s nonsense. The spell hasn’t worn off yet, It would be… a waste of magic.” Crowley, how was that making any sense?! I really was becoming dumber by the minute.

“But… but…”

“But, but, but,” I mocked him. Snow frowned at me and finished: “Why are you helping me like this, Baz?”

I turned my back.

“I’m not.”

“You are. Why?” he kept pestering.

“Maybe I want you to trust me for a bit, so I could kill you in your sleep.”

“I would never trust you,” Snow assured me… and I hated the way my stomach sunk to the floor. “And besides, you can’t kill me here. Anathema, remember?”

One foot out of the door already, I smirked: “Well, guess I am just going to shave off your eyebrows.”

 ***

Upon my return, the room was dark and silent. Snow had curled up with his back to the wall, lips slightly parted, his hair an ocean of curls… on my pillow. For a brief moment, I considered snatching it from underneath his stupid face. But that would just wake him up and I didn’t want to talk to him. I also didn’t want him to move away from the wall. That way, if he starts setting fires again, I have a chance to roll out of bed and leave him to it.

I went and took a shower. I really needed it. Changed into my pyjamas and laid down on the very edge of the bed, facing the room and not… him. Good thing I was so tired… I let my eyelids fall on their own, that was all it took…

And all it took for my eyes to swing open again was the sound, the feeling, of Snow shuffling closer to me.

Before I realized what was happening, I had two arms locked around my waist. And his body pressed into mine. Firm. Hot. So fucking real. He let out a relieved sigh – a huff of air against my bare neck. I could feel myself going pink in the face.

This was not a situation my mind had the capacity to process. Snow, I mouthed silently, eyes wide in shock. But I did not speak. What was I going to do? Wake him up? Throw a fit, ridicule him?

Simon Snow was holding me. He did it. He initiated it. Aleister Crowley and all mages that came before me, what was I going to do with this?!

But…

Really…

Fuck, I didn’t want to make a scene. Or wake him up. Or move an inch. This was all I would ever get. Snow… Simon… He wasn’t gay. Probably not even bi. I could never have him. And this was not conscious, and he would feel incredibly embarrassed in the morning.

He was holding me now, though.

I couldn’t give it up.

So I relaxed into the embrace. I hovered my hand over his for a moment, wondering whether I should… but no, no, that was too much. I let it fall onto the bed.

Snow was breathing on my neck, sending little shivers down my spine. I was never this close to anybody before. Never this aware of somebody else’s presence, skin, breathing.

With every rise and fall of his chest against my back, I thought: I love you, Simon Snow.

I wish I could only feel love for you.

I wish that was all there is to life.

 ***

Snow woke up first. He slipped away from me and said nothing. Which was odd.

I almost let myself hope. Almost believed he knew what he did and did it on purpose. Almost lost myself in fantasies of a great secret romance with Snow.

But when I arrived at the dorms that afternoon, I found it clean, tidy… and there was a brand new single bed waiting on Snow’s side of the room.

I ran out and into the catacombs so quickly I forgot to close the door behind me.

Hope turned out to be the worst thing that could’ve happened to me.

 ***

I roamed the underground for hours, trying to get lost and failing miserably.

Seriously, what was I thinking? That I might get a few more nights? A week of snuggling close to the person I was supposed to be fighting? Did I think he would kiss me? Did I think he would touch me?

I was a naïve fool. Simon Snow was going to fight for the Mage, as he always had, against the old families. Against my family. I had to protect my own, I had to do what was expected of me, and so did he. We had no future. Maybe one of us would live, but not both. Not together.

I thought I had understood a long time ago.

I thought I could control myself. Refrain from imagining stupid, unrealistic scenarios.

I was wrong. And useless. Noted.

I just wished Snow had never touched me. I would never forget all the things I would miss out on. It was better when I had no idea.

This was probably when I started crying.

 ***

It was almost dawn when I stumbled back into the room.

At first, I though I was just hallucinating. That I was this far gone.

But Snow’s bed was empty.

He was cozied up in mine.

I got inexplicably angry at a snap of fingers. I slammed the door and exclaimed: “Snow?!”

That scared him awake.

“What the hell,” he mumbled and rubbed his face. “What time is it?”

“Time for you to get out of my fucking bed!”

“Crowley, stop yelling,” he complained. “I, er… was waiting for you. Fell asleep, I guess.”

Waiting? In my bed?

Why, why would he do that?

He had to stop. I would not let him give me false hope anymore. I whipped out my wand and pointed it at him. His hands flew into the air.

“Get out now,” I hissed, not putting any magic into my words… yet.

“You can’t curse me.”

“Snow.”

“You’d be expelled out of Watford.”

“Try me. Maybe I’m willing to sacrifice my education for an easy kill.”

“Oh – come on –” He rapidly stood up. “See? Your bed. I just… wanted to talk to you. I mean, not originally, but now…”

“There is nothing to talk about.”

“I just though… the spell is still working and…”

“And what? You have your own bed. Problem solved. What the fuck are you on about?” I threw my blazer onto a chair and started angrily removing my tie.

Snow kept standing in the middle of the room like a lost lamb.

But when he spoke, his voice cut clear through the room and into my weak, weak mind.

“You hugged me the other night,” he stated. “And held my hand.”

I had a hard time coming up with a comeback to this that wouldn’t include physical violence. So I ignored him… only making it worse.

“And yesterday, I… I hugged you. But you didn’t pull away. You were awake, you let me do it.”

I abruptly turned on my heel and in a second, I was staring him down, face only inches from his.

“You leave me the fuck alone,” I growled. “I never did those things. Touch me again and I break all of your bones.”

“You know I’m telling the truth!”

“You are not. You are a sorry little attention-seeker and nobody will believe you.”

“Stop trying to manipulate me, it won’t work!” he retorted. “And I haven’t told anybody. Never will. I only want to talk to you about… everything.”

“Right. Before you try and blackmail me.”

“No, listen –”

“See, Snow, if there are some feelings you are repressing, I suggest you keep that to yourself. I want you five feet away from me at all times.” Then I spat at his feet. Snow winced.

It wasn’t fair of me. I’ve had my share of repressing emotions. But since when was I the one to play nice? Simon Snow truly was the source of most of my problems in life. Him and his fragile feelings could go fuck themselves.

“You’re disgusting,” he told me.

“You’re annoying.”

“Could you just hear me out for once?”

“Could. Don’t want to.”

“Crowley – just admit it –”

My hands flew to his neck before he could finish the sentence. But he caught them and fought me, even though I was physically stronger than him.

“Knock it off. Baz! I said knock it off!” I felt his magic rise to his panicked voice and make the air crackle with power. I couldn’t help it, I had to step away.

Snow was shaking, visibly upset at me. Maybe he would go off on me. Maybe he would be expelled for that immediately after. Delightful.

Snow’s rage was delightful too.

“I can’t fucking believe you,” he exclaimed. “I hate you so fucking much, you are just evil!”

There it was.

“Likewise.”

“What’s your problem, seriously? Why wouldn’t you just admit what happened between us –”

“Nothing happened, Snow,” I cut him off. “That’s it. Solved the mystery for you.”

“If it was nothing then why are you so scared of having me in your bed? I slept there before, you could’ve just left it!”

“I’m not scared. You are just bordering sexual harassment,” I shouted back. I was positively losing it. Did he… know I was queer? He couldn’t. “Do you have any idea what this all sounds like?! Why would you want to sleep in my bed anyway?!”

“Because I liked it!” he boomed.

Silence fell.

The sky behind the window glass was turning yellow with sunrise.

What… what the everloving fuck did he mean by that? He was just probably trying to use me. Pushing me just to see proof that I have a thing for him. No, never in a million years…

“I – um,” Snow cleared his throat.

I don’t think I’d ever seen anyone blush so much.

“It’s like… I’m not saying I understand what it was. What it… means. But…”

He stepped closer, biting the inside of his face. I couldn’t move. If I could, I would run away in the speed of light.

“But I like this,” he finally admitted, and his gaze fell to his feet. Fuck, it was adorable. “The two of us. Close. Just… sleeping. Nothing else.”

I stared at him in utter disbelief. I tried to accuse him: “It’s some kind of a trick.” My voice was way too shaky though. It didn’t have the effect.

Snow softly shook his head.

“You’re the one who’s always plotting,” he pointed out. “I’m just the guy swinging a sword.”

“I still feel like there is a catch.”

“There isn’t.”

“How?”

“I don’t know. There just isn’t. I’m being honest.”

I wanted to tell him to go to bed, his own bed, but the words got stuck in my throat and wouldn’t come out. Snow, standing dangerously close to me at this point, hurried to add: “We don’t have to talk about it. We really don’t. Besides, nobody knows that we… you know. I haven’t told a soul.”

He talked like we’d been snogging or worse, not like we’d just… spooned. (But considering our history, that was strange enough.)

“Why not?” I asked him. Like a dumbass.

“Didn’t want to, I guess. Have you told anybody?”

“Crowley, no. I have a reputation to uphold.”

Snow nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

He looked me in the eyes again. “Let’s just… try and get some sleep.”

I was confused as in what to do with… well, all this. I watched him get back into my bed and scoot back, leaving me enough space to join him.

“I like to sleep closer to the wall,” I blurted out without thinking. And immediately regretted it. There goes pretending like his suggestion disgusted me. Snow yawned as he got back up, gesturing me to get into bed first. This morning was about to be the first time in my life I would be grateful for being a vampire… if I were not, he would see exactly how flustered that had made me.

“I still can’t tell what you’re trying to achieve here,” I frowned.

Snow shrugged, and the corners of his mouth tugged up. “I think I’m just going to shave your eyebrows off when you’re asleep.”

That almost made me snort.

I gave up. I took off my shoes and laid down. Snow followed me right away. Seeing how tense I am, he repeated: “We really don’t have to talk about any of this, ever.”

“You sound like a broken record. We are already talking about this.”

“Well, we don’t have to.”

I rolled my eyes at him… And noticed the colour of the sky outside.

The day was creeping up on us. But Snow was so close. And… he wanted this. He was all sloppy about it, but he wanted this. I didn’t even know what to think…

“Baz?”

“Mm? What?”

“Could… I hug you now?”

“I just decided. I don’t want you to talk about it.” Yet, he kept waiting for an answer. Honestly, he was just too good for me. Just for him, just this once, I let down my walls, closed my eyes and said: “You… can.”

And he did. Pressed me to his chest like a stuffed animal. I tried to let go of the stiffness in my muscles, to let myself rest, but how could I? He was so bloody hot. (Both in the temperature sense and attractive sense. As per usual, he slept without a shirt on.)

(His cross was nowhere in sight. Just like yesterday, I realized.)

“Your arms won’t fall off if you hug me back,” he remarked.

“Shut up, Snow.”

“Just do it, will you.”

There we were. A knot of limbs, circles under our eyes and deep breaths.

Maybe this really could be all there was to life, at least for the nights and early mornings.

Maybe we really didn’t have to talk about it.

[wetookanoath]

personal struggles, the fate of this and other blogs and apologies.

This year so far has been strange and not good for me and this blog. Some of you know my long history with hate in this fandom and while it’s always nice to hear your kind words, the hate I get is every day worse to the point I had to take off the anonymous option on this blog, my personal, the Library, the writing events and even the damn porn blog.

A few months ago I said I was gonna delete all blogs, and as promised I also deleted my twitter account, passed the instagram account to someone else (who hasn’t done anything with it yet), deleted other b*zzf*ed related blogs I ran, and left others I helped in.

I answered to every and all asks on this blog and the porn blog (most asks now on queue or drafts, waiting to be posted slowly to not spam), finished the event that didn’t went as good as it seemed and passed the administration of the Library to my personal account to never left it die down.

During this time, something happened in my personal life and I found myself in a very dark place I never thought I would go back to after it happened to me many years ago. But it did, and I had to dealt with it all over again, but this time there was a difference, this time I knew were to start and it helped me because I was able to ask for what I needed and get help.

I’m on meds again. I’m not proud of it and it... makes me angry that I’m ashamed to admit it. I’m making less money, lost a person, stopped writing, entered a rehab therapy for two weeks for depression (I didn’t tell anyone but my family, which won me a very long fight with my best friend and two of my best friends online), ended in the hospital last month. 

That long period I spent away from this blog, forgetting to answer replies I got e-mails for and the days of check-in and whatnot for the Exchange, god they were so good even with all that mess going on. I watched and read so many things, even if suffered not writing and other physical things. But I felt good, I really did. Which I think it’s why I was happy to get back here, just to find hate on my inbox yet again (from the same person as always, by the way. This woman really is the saddest person on the planet. Yes, it’s about you. I know you are reading this), and I really thought “why do I keep doing this to myself?”

And then weeks ago I finally realized why. And it’s because I like this show so much. I like the pictures and the stories, the chat group I’m in even if sometimes I feel like they don’t like me, and most important, in spite of all the hate we get here, I love the stories I write for this fandom, and my ship. I’ve never wrote this good, gotten the chance to improve and learn better english too.

I love the writer I am in this fandom and I have wrote so much these past few weeks, and all because I started to write shy*n again. 

So what do I do?

There are days when I forget this blog exists. It’s been so boring, this hiatus and how things have changed, the lack of content makes things dry and easier to forget. I just forget it exists, but then when I get in, it’s fun when there’s no hate. I find it entertaining to go into my blogs and tag everything properly, organize tag pages and make lists of films based on things, make edits, answer old asks I didn’t have time for before.

Since now that anonymous is off I don’t get any asks, I had have the chance to answer in depth so many things I had left behind before, it’s been fun. Like it used to be, January-July of 2018 came again to remind me of how things were before The Change. I enjoyed preparing this blog for my deperture, and I found myself not wanting to go.

My first thought after that revelation? “People is going to hate on me on anonymous for changing my mind”. Isn’t that fucking sad? That I have to condition everything I do so people won’t hate me on anonymous and say horrible things just because I complain bout things, then calm down and change my mind like any other normal person does on a daily basic... on my own, personal blog? 

So, so far, this is what will happen:

The blog reminds, since it’s also kind of an archive for this fandom with how much has been posted that I know it’s resourceful to people for all kinds of things.

Anonymous will perpeturally be off in all my blogs. The Library’s inbox will remain closed.

I’m still going to take my long periods of ignoring this blog, so I’m sorry if you sent me any qs and I don’t answer right away.

It will be on perpetual semi-hiatus, since I will come back once a week to answer things, tag stuff, stock the Library’s queue and the one on this blog.

About the updates, I’m just going to post things I would like to archive myself.

New fanfics/chapters of fics coming every Saturday until I’m done posting everything I wrote these weeks. I’m still writing, so I guess my day of the week to check replies, messages and asks will be on Saturday.

I don’t think I will be around for the new season, not the way I used to. I’m so gonna watch it, but no posts from me anymore. This is a big maybe, since I’m not sure of many things right now, especially with my health as fragile as it is right at the moment.

There’s, so far, 131 original posts on queue. These are: lists that were requested on this blog on such things like all episode Shane called Ryan ‘baby’, personal favorite shyan moments with links (I worked so much in this one, I ended up hating it), etc., edits from many things, included shoots found in old articles and so on, the ongoing ‘fave insta pics’ series of Ryan, Shane, TJ, Sara, Kelsey and the boys in other people’s instagrams, more favorite fanfic edits, and more buzzships edits. Also, a few headcanons, rec lists and solo recs.

Queue will post three posts a day, one original text, one reblog, one original edit. Texts are less than the edits, so when they are over, it will be two edits and one reblog. I will be stocking the queue during my weekly visit, so I don’t know if it will eventually run off original posts or not. 

Library reminds what it is, inbox closed until further notice.

Writing Events is over, though. I’m too tired for that. At least for a long break.

This really all depends on my health and how things are once the show is back. I miss the interaction a lot, so having lost the anonymous option it’s really a big bummer for me, and maybe to the people who did like to interact with me and the blog’s content in a positive way via this option. We’ll see.

And finally, I want to apologize not only for the long of this but for my negative reactions months ago. It was wrong, childish at times and out of character. I didn’t realize I was getting bad, and when I did it had already gotten worse. I can now look at all those desperate posts and see how bad I really was at keeping it together and how desperate I was to be okay. 

While I still believe I didn’t deserve the harassment I was getting, I should had never given onto it and answer back. I shouldn’t. It was not only bad for me, but to the people who followed/follows this blog and engaged into the negativity too. 

I caused that by acting exactly how the hateful people wanted me to, and instead of showing myself as the imperfect human being I am, all people saw was a crying girl asking to be appreciated and loved back. And the reality is that forcing those things to happen won’t make it any better, on the contrary, it makes it worse.

All those times I said, “why does people have to insult me for you to care about me?”, it was because I made it happen. I decided to posts those answers and reply to the hate, and it made people, worried by my answers and the tone of them (yeah, I was pretty suicidal and paranoid, I didn’t realize until recently), send their support. It made it look like that was the case, that I needed to be hurt for people to appreciate me.

But now, I don’t post those things. Had to shut down anonymous asks. And last week I got one ask, just one, of someone saying they love this blog. There was no reason for it, just someone who saw me online and send in their positivity. And it was the best thing in the world, those short words, the best ones.

So yes. My sincere and deepest apologies to everyone, involved or not, for having acted, well, toxic in the past months. Hopefully, it won’t happen again. Meds, no anon and semi-hiatus will make a difference, I hope. And things will be fine.

Thanks for the support, the kindness and the love. And thanks for reading this bible.

Love you,

Nina.

[lady-olive-oil]

Work Out: Chapter 3

What up what up! It’s that time again, and you already know! It took a me a good minuet ti get this done and edited, but it’s here and I am currently working on the next chapter along with BSB. Critique is greatly appreciated along with likes and reblogs. If you’d like to be apart of the Lil Nastie’s tag squad, let me know. Here we go!

Warnings: none but fluff, tension, language

WC: 5.1k [not sure how this went about but i did it]

Lil Nasties: @themyscxiras || @maddiestundentwritergaines || @designerwriterchic || @honeychicana || @chaneajoyyy || @jojolu || @dc41896 || @titty-teetee || @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove || @ljstraightnochaser || @mimigemrose || @crushed-pink-petals || @fumbling-fanfics || @madamslayyy || @amelatonin || @screamingdrago || @sparklemichele || 

(Five, four, three, two, one

Leggo! (watch me)

Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up Level up, level up, level up, level up, level up All this on me, so yummy, all this oh so yummy You know you want this yummy, yummy all in your tummy)

Groaning to sounds of my alarm on my phone, that only meant one thing. I had to get my cute self out this queen sized bed and get ready for school. Not too much left to do for graduation. Good thing I had enough gas in my car. Leggings and a T-shirt was all I need, along with my braids in a bun and sneakers. Turning off the alarm, I gathered myself together. Looking like a bum for school was what everyone was gonna get from me.

Taking classes to become a physical therapist, were anything but easy. Especially taking it a second time, but being more advanced. Go back to school to become a physical therapist they said, it’ll be fun they said. 8 am classes ain’t no joke, yet I thought I’d be done with it all. Nope! Still taking them. Only taking three classes anyway, graduation ain’t far behind. Anatomy, general chemistry 2 and biology 2.

As I made my way to the lecture hall, I saw one of my classmates walk past me. She looked happy as hell and I wanted to know why.

“Hey Layla. Why do you look so pleased?” Leaning against the brick building that held the campus library, I got her attention.

“Oh, hey Geneva. You didn’t hear about class being canceled?”

“Uh nah. Was it in the- damn. The group me. I have got to turn the notifications back on.” Feeling embarrassed, I checked the chat and it was true. Class had been canceled, well I’ll be damned.

Waving goodbye to Layla, getting back to my car, I contemplated my next move. 

Well it is 8:45, I have no others classes today. I could either run those errands I was gonna do. Talking to myself in my head, as I planned my day out accordingly, I got a message from the devil.

Jake: Are you free for lunch today? We need to discuss some things.

I know this negro did not just- cool it down Gege. Inhale, exhale, let it go. Thinking of what to respond back to him, he messaged her again.

Jake: I know you read my message, Geneva. Don’t play these games. Be an adult.

That was the last straw. I winded up calling him and putting him on speaker phone.

“Nigga, what do you want?” The obvious sass coming from my voice, lack of sleep from packing up the rest of his shit last night.

This divorce was taking longer than I had planned and it wasn’t making my life any easier. It caused me to have sleepless nights; not eating as much as I should’ve been and just tuning things out. Yet I initiated the divorce.

“Ouch. Language my love. Listen-”

“Not your love, and it’s Genevieve to you and your little pile of sand you call a girlfriend. Now answer the damn question: what do you want?” The irritation was getting to me, I had to calm down somehow.

“Leave Mandy out of this please, she’s not my girlfriend. Cool it with that shit. Anyway, I just think we should meet up to discuss the divorce. Say over lunch at that pizza parlor in Times Square?” He suggested with a gentle tone, I could feel the smirk on his face through the phone.

“You a whole ass child coming at me with that stank attitude. Ha! You got me twisted, thinking you can talk to me just any old kind of way.”

“Are you done? Cause clearly the dude you’ve been running around with don’t look like much either.” His tone was dull and irritated.

“Are you done? Clearly you don’t get the point of a divorce: sign the papers, get ya shit and leave. What don’t you get Jacob? Leave Florian out of this too. He’s just a friend, nothing more.” I haven’t said his full name in a minute. Why did it hurt to say that Florian was just a friend? Jesus be a fence.

“This is just a misunderstanding. Look, just have lunch with me. We haven’t talked since you gave the papers to me.” He did have a point, just this one time.

The deep sigh that left my lips, caused my body to hum in frustration.

“One lunch. That’s it. The next meetings we have will be with our lawyers present. This needs to be done and over with already.”

“Oh come on. I know you miss me, baby girl.”

I nearly gagged in my mouth when he called me that. The only time it meant something, was when we first started dating. Once the lies started in our marriage soon came the infidelity; the over charging in our joint account. The list goes on.

Did I really want to get dressed again, out of my leggings and Nike T-shirt? He just gonna have to deal with what I present to him.

“Let’s get something straight, ok?” I started and grabbed my phone to make my statement clear.

“First of all: We ain’t meeting at the place we went on our first date. Ain’t happen captain, you ain’t slick. Second of all: whatever I got on, is what I have on. I look like a bum so that’s what you’ll get. And third of all: we’re meeting at a neutral spot which is yours. You’re paying for my food, for wasting my time” he owned a little cafe on Times Square. Only thing going for him is his business degree.

There was a poignant pause, a heavy sigh followed. He tried it.

“Deal. It’s just you right?” He didn’t want any surprises. He needs to get over himself.

“Just me. Get over yourself. See you in 15.” I hung up before I could hear him say bye back. I had enough of his bullshit anyway. I didn’t even want to do this meeting but I had to get it over with.

Before I could even leave the parking lot, I got a message from Florian. Which made my body freeze and a smile stretch across my face.

Florian: good morning gorgeous. I hope your morning has been well.

This man knows how to woo a woman. I just don’t know how I ended up with him being back in my life. Responding back, I had to be honest. Pretty sure he could read right through me.

Me: it’s been going, could be better. Class today was canceled but. My ex wants to met up with me for a chat. Sadly.

Everybody I came in contact with knows that I no longer desire any time to be around Jake Austin, anymore. I have wasted the last 4-5 years of my life over some dude who can’t keep himself in his pants.

Waiting for him reply, I was anxious for his response. Knowing he didn’t care did Jake much either.   

Florian: it’s only a chat right? I’d hate to come up there to save the Princess from evil.

Me: well aren’t you a charmer. I’m a big girl I can handle myself love. I appreciate it though. Definitely looking forward to tonight too~

This man was something. From the top of his head, to the soles of his feet. There was no way he was real. Making my way to the cafe, I started to think about what could Jake possibly want to talk about this time. Could be an intelligent conversation. Not.

The place was packed but luckily, a spot was available for me to snag. Hearing my phone buzz one more time, I bit my bottom lip in concentration.

Florian: if you ever need me to become backup, let me know. I’m looking forward to tonight too. Tell me, which sounds better: fancy dinner or Dave and Busters?

He really going for it. I like a man who can take charge. Walking into the cafe I saw Jake behind the bar with Alejandro, his bartender, and they both waved at me. I hadn’t seen Alejandro in a minuet, so seeing him made this meeting better. The place had a it’s moments, some great and bad one's. But they were moments.

I couldn’t help but think back to when he first opened this place. He was so happy and full of energy, that he couldn’t fathom any of it. One of the only times where it was good, but the bad outweighed it all. It finally crashed down when we moved to Orlando. My phone buzzed again, from Florian.

Me: let’s do something fun; Dave and Busters. I’m gonna need some fun tonight. You’re just the person to give it to me.

I didn’t think I’d be this bold with talking to anyone, let alone a man. But hey, it’s working out and confidence boost is needed. My phone buzzed again, taking me out of my concentration as I took a seat by the window, across from Jake.

Florian: oh I’ll give it to you alright. See you tonight princess.

“Well damn.” I muttered to myself while looking at my phone, knowing that Jake was giving me a death glare. I didn’t care either way, so I sent Florian my address and then put my phone on the table.

“Care to share with the rest of the class?” He asked in a smug tone, leaning back to show up. Which he didn’t have much to show off.

“None of your business. That’s what I want to share. So why am I here?” Not in the mood for his shit, I cut right to the chase.

“Nice to see you Jake, how are you? Oh my good Geneva thanks for asking.” He rolled his eyes and scoffed at me.

“I have plans today, so hurry up. Why did you want to discuss our divorce?” I didn’t want to be here any longer than I already was.

“Well there’s been a little upset happen and I figured I’d tell you now, rather than wait and hide till the final day.”

“Quit stalling. I’m sure you have to get back to Mandy, she has you on a tight leash.” I took a sip of strawberry margarita and eyed him carefully.

“Leave her out of this. That’s your problem, always wondering about who I’m messing with. You need to check yourself.” He eyed me back.

“Uh oh, little Jake got some bass in his voice. And FYI, I watch everyone I mess with. Now tell me why am I here?”

“I have a child now.” He went right out with it. There was a poignant silence in the air.

“A what? Is Mandy your baby mama?” I arched a brow in curiosity.

“Yes she is the mother of my child. And, why does it matter?” He confessed. He looked comfortable about it too.

“So let me get this straight: you mean to tell me she had your baby? And you want child support from me?” This was about to hit left.

“Not child support, more of alimony. Settle the divorce. To help out.” 

“Nigga is you dumb? We sighed a prenup for a reason.” And it went way left.

“Yeah we did. I still have my half of what I came with, you do too. I just need more to help out with the baby.” He sure was talking out the side of his neck.

“Is it crack? Is that what you smoke?” I asked in a hushed tone, leaning against the table.

He looked at me as if I was the crazy one. He has the wrong one when it comes to legal matters.

“Genevieve, I need your help with this. I can’t-”

“You can’t what? Stop gambling your money away? Spending it on strippers and what not? You can, you absolutely could stop. Cause I’m not giving you dime. She gave you something I couldn’t!” That memory still haunted me. The day I lost the baby and how he made me feel as though it was my fault, I still can’t sleep at night because of it.

“I- know, and I’m sorry for all of that.” He sounded so sincere and I almost fell for it again. He reached for my hand and I drew it back.

“No you’re not. You’re looking for a goddamn handout again. I’m not the one to mess with Jacob. Have a good day, see you in a month.”

I grabbed my belongings and headed to my car. I couldn’t believe him, the audacity of him to think he could do this to me. I needed a change of scenery bad.

Message to the girls:

Meet me at the salon. I need to vent and look good for tonight.

Sending the message, I drove as far away as I could. I had to get my head on straight.

-The salon-

“Hell no. He got some nerve asking you to give him some hush money to help him and his raggedy ass baby mama.”

Destiny went off her rocker when I told her and Cynthia about my altercation earlier. We were all getting our hair and nails done, at Bon Bon, to release some stress. I had to get beautified for my date at least.

“He wants you to give him more money from the divorce, to help raise his baby. Nah, hell no. This divorce is going on long enough. He needs to sign them.” Cynthia wasn’t having it either. It didn’t make sense to her either. Josie came in just in time, already knowing the rundown.

“He’s a damn fool. I have to tell Florian what happened today, can’t start a new beginning with a lie or secrets.” I sighed gently, thinking of how he��d take it. The look I got from them three was priceless.

“So, you and Captain Romania huh? You two seem pretty close.” Cynthia arched a brow, as her nails were getting done.

That caused my face to heat up a little, just thinking about the late night conversations we’ve been having. He’s really easy to talk to; great listener, makes me laugh. He’s just too good to be true but he’s real.

“Yeah we’ve been talking a bit. Hung out a few times before skate night. I’m just nervous about going on my first date in a year, and on top of it all dealing with Jake’s broke ass.” Letting Evangeline curl my hair a bit, was checking my phone.

Looking at Instagram, occasionally glancing at my feed, I see a new post from Florian. The picture looks like it’s me, at the skating rink. Holy shit..

“Uh ladies. Did you check Florian’s recent post?” I asked the room and they all checked their phones. Within the next 2.5 seconds the rook erupted with a fit giggles, oohs and ahhs.

“Girl! You got him smitten! ‘There’s something about a grown woman in roller skates, and slow jams.’ What did you do to this man? Got people asking if you’re his lady or not, and what’s your Instagram.” Josie squealed happily, as she kept reading through the comments.

“All I did was stand my ground to Mandy; roller skate with him and kissed his cheek. That’s it.” I explained gently, trying not to grin so hard.

“Girl! That’s uncharted territory!” Destiny tapped my shoulder.

“Ok, ok! Maybe I felt daring, and I may feel daring again tonight too.” Handing the money to Eva, I checked myself out in the mirror. Damn I looked good.

“Keep us posted!”

“Please do!”

“We need to facetime later!”

“I got y’all. Don’t worry!” Blowing them all a kiss, I headed out the salon feeling better than ever. Something about getting your hair done makes you feel powerful. It was only a matter of time before the big night.

-Geneva’s Condo-

Boxes on top of boxes. I still have yet to unpack and I’ve been here for about nearly a month. Luckily my clothes were in the walk in closet.

My orange camouflage pants were in the dryer; my white sneakers were in their box still and my black lace bodysuit was in the closet.

“Ok. I need to shower and shave yo cause ya never know.” Checking my phone for the time, it was 6:45, he’ll be here soon.

My shower wasn’t long anyway; pinned up my curls in a bun, quick shave and lather in cocoa butter lotion. All the essentials needed for a perfect date.

Hearing the doorbell ring, I paused before applying my snicker doodle lip-gloss.

“Coming!” I hopped down the stairs to get the door, and was met with a tall Romanian teddy bear that held a bouquet of sunflowers.

“Florian. You shouldn’t have.”

“I insist, and besides it wouldn’t be a date without flowers?” He handed me the flowers, then placed a gentle kiss on my cheek.

“True. I’m almost ready, I just need to get my sneakers on and my jacket. Then we can go, make yourself at home. Sorry about the boxes.” I kissed his cheek, upon seeing him get flustered a bit, I set the flowers in a vase then I headed upstairs to get my things.

“Take your time draga.” He smiled gently and sat on my couch.

Did he just called me dear? Hmm, if only he knew I can speak Romanian fluently. Studying abroad in Germany had its perks for a semester, from the second year of college. Slipping on my sneakers and grabbing my jacket, I skipped down the stairs.

“Ready to go?” I asked, catching him off guard from his selfie. I’m pretty sure I got in one.

“Yup let's go- you look amazing.” Florian bit his bottom lip and gave me a once over. The heat rushed to my cheeks as he spun me around a bit.

“Florian, come on now. We’re gonna be late.” Smiling sweetly as possible, I grabbed my keys and headed for the door with him in tow. Making sure the door was locked, I sighed in relief and continued on.

“Alright, Alright. Let’s go have some fun.” He opened the door for me to get in.

“Ever the gentleman. Scoring points so far, Flo.”

“Good to know, I aim to please.” With a wink in my direction, he slid into the driver seat and had us rolling to our date. Watching as the city moved past the window, I noticed that he held my left hand as we drove on.

It all just felt right being here in this moment with him. Our fingers were laced, vibing to some R&B without a care in the world.

-45 min into the date, after dinner-

“This is nice. Just the two of us, finally.” I was nervous ok? Who wouldn’t be with a man like him? Scooting closer to him in the booth, I felt a bit better.

“Yes it is. I’m glad you said yes, to coming out with me. I have to admit, I was going to be really upset if you didn’t.” As if his eyes weren’t enough to sway me, he added the puppy dog pout with it. This man is going to be the death of me.

“No you wouldn’t. The Florian Munteanu, would’ve been upset if little old Geneva, turned him down? Flo you could have any woman you want.” I took a sip of my 1st bottle of Angry Orchard, trying not to smile so hard.

“But yet I want you. You see past all of the fame, and that’s what I admire about you, draga. Hell, my parents only met you once and yet they can’t stop asking about you.” He smiled at me sweetly, causing my face to heat up a bit. His green eyes were like emerald jewels in a crown, that would shine with every passing glance.

“All I did was keep them company while you filmed your scenes. They were real easy to talk to.” The look on his face was priceless when I said that. I leaned back to see what he was going to do.

“Easy to talk to? How did you talk to them? Do you speak Romanian?”

“Mhm. I went to study abroad in Germany, they gave us a choice to either learn German or Romanian.” I confessed with a smirk.

“Say something for me.” He encouraged with a hopeful look. It only made me giggle a bit.

“Ok, um let’s see. tu ești cel mai frumos om pe care l-am cunoscut vreodată. Este o rușine că nu ați fost răpit încă.” I looked him dead in his eyes, while caressing his cheek, which turned red.

{you are the most handsomest man I’ve ever met.It’s a shame you haven’t been snatched up yet}

“There’s no way you’re real. You’re a nurse going back to school for a physical therapy degree; you’re a personal trainer, you speak 4 languages, took jiu jitsu and kickboxing at age 12 and you sing.” Easy to say he was intrigued by me even more. Normally I don’t talk about myself but he made it easy.

“Yeah that’s me. Genevieve Leona Shaw.” I was more comfortable with him now and all self doubt went away.

“Well princess Geneva, why don’t we play some games? Air hockey?” he offered his hand to me to take, and i slid out the booth.

“You’re on.”

-15 min later-

“Cheater! You cheated!” I was pouting a bit as Florian won the 3rd game of air hockey. We had a bunch of food, good drinks and great conversation. So what better way to top it off with a few games, even a bit of hookah.

“Prinţesă, how can one cheat at air hockey?” The sly smirk that graced his face, made the butterflies come back.

“By doing shit like that. Let’s go play pool.” I chuckled, grabbing my angry orchard and heading towards the pool table room. Of course we had gotten each other some prizes from the winners circle, and took them to his car real quick. I held on to the little koala in a hawaiian shirt and sunglasses.

Racking up the balls, and grabbing my pool stick, I leaned against the table eying him. I hit the rack and the balls went in various directions.

“Eyes up front Flo. Don’t need you getting distracted.” The tone I used with him was smooth as chocolate and slick as eco styler gel.

“I’m not distracted draga. You’re just enticing is all.” He admitted and gave me that look that would make any woman melt. I had to stay strong regardless, and not crack.

I rounded the table, looking at him fiercely. My hands grazed his hips and he froze.

“Sorry love. Your go.” I smirked back at him leaning against the other side, just checking him out. He was a sight to behold.

He took his turn, gracefully hitting the balls against the others. He looked as if he was etched in marble, tall like the statue of David in a prestigious museum. You’d want to touch so bad, but know you’ll get in trouble for it. I am a grown ass woman, if I want to get in trouble I will.

“See something you like Geneva?” They way he uttered my name was so suave and delicate. The look in his eyes was predator like, drawing me in further into his trap.

“I do. I might need help with this trick shot though, think you can help?” I asked curiously, watching him walk behind me and grab a good of my hips to position them right.

“Like this.” His voice was hot and heavy, tantalizing even. The deep bass of his baritone voice was like a warm blanket, by the fireplace, on a winter New York night.

Feeling his broad chest against my back again, just as if we were at the skating rink all over again, I felt secure and protected. It had been a while since I’ve felt like this, and it’s foreign to me. I didn’t want it to go away.

On instinct I bit my bottom lip, having his hands on mine to hit the cue ball. Making the last balls ricochet and sink all in their pockets.

Squealing happily I turned around, hugging him tightly. We both fit so perfectly against each other, it was maddening. Pulling away gently, resting my head on his and breathing deeply, we looked into each other’s eyes. His scenery was intoxicating, like teakwood from Bath and Bodyworks and when the rain stops. I wanted to stay like this forever.

“I uh- I should be getting home. I have a lot planned this week.” I broke the tension a little and saw his shoulders relax a little as he still held me close to his body.

“I’ll take you home. Don’t need a pretty girl walking home alone.” I nodded at him gently, feeling like shit for not kissing him right then and there. Holding his hand, as we walked out of Dave and Busters, I felt like I messed it up.

The drive back to my house was a long and quiet one. I had to think of something fast.

“You doing anything tomorrow, Florian?”

“Other than going to the gym, possibly hanging out with the guys. Why?” He made it in front of my house and I knew what I wanted to do.

“I wanna go to the gym with you. I just gotta get my bag from upstairs and I’ll be right back.” Without thinking, I leaned over, pecked his lips and got out the car.

I looked back, and to my surprise he was in shock. With a sweet giggle, I went up to grab my gym bag, that had extra clothes in it. It had all my essentials in it anyway. By the time I came back down, he was so flustered by the little kiss I gave him.

“Florian. You ok? You look flustered.” I rubbed his face gently, as he drove to his hotel room. He let out a sweet chuckle.

“Well I was caught off guard, by a princess giving me a kiss. Maybe later tonight, we could continue it?” He was very charismatic as ever. Pondering the thought in its entirety, I wondered if I could.

The journey up to his room was nothing but comforting and understand. Once inside, he handed me one of his shirts to sleep in, which looked like a dress and we chatted a bit. He was shirtless and in a pair of grey sweatpants.

“So back to what you said earlier, you’ve been singing since you were 10 or 12, right?”

“Yup. I gave it up when I met Jake. He told me I should just focus on school and not on some pointless dream.”

The more I explained it the more hurt he looked. Pulling me into a tight embrace, I finally got the chance to breath him in again. He was really intoxicating and it was down right sinful.

“If you still want to peruse it, I say go for it. I'm in your corner. I’m not gonna let him be anywhere near you ever again, I promise.” He mumbled into my hair, rubbing my back in a tender manor.

Just hearing him say those words to me, the words I’ve been wanting to hear for years, made everything I do seem worthwhile.

I just held on to him, as tight as I could and the tears fell. Lifting up my chin to look into my eyes, I knew this was coming. I wanted it too, so I let him lead us to his bed and just cuddled him.

“Draga, you can just rest on me if you want to-” I shut him up this time. It was now or never, and I chose now. My lips crashed on to his in desire, on their own accord.

“Flo, I’m sorry. I don’t know-”

“Why are you apologizing? Come here.” This time he pulled me closer to his body, which was warm and inviting, kissing me again.

Our lips moved in sync as the kiss grew hotter by the second. He lifted me up by my hips, on to his waist and drew me closer by the back of my head. I didn’t know what else to do but to hold his face in my hands and just rub my thumbs against his cheek. His hands rested on my hips, and the kiss grew hotter.

I could feel his heartbeat increase under my hands, once I moved them. We fit so well like a puzzle piece, it was uncanny. Once it was broken, we looked into each other’s eyes again, taking it all in.

“Wow.” He smiled like a Cheshire Cat as he pulled the blankets over us both. I didn’t feel like moving, he was too damn cuddly underneath all that muscle.

“Wow I right.” My face was nuzzled into his neck and I felt at home for the first time since I moved back. Maybe Florian is the one. I don’t want to scare him away at all, but this new journey was worth it.

I started to hum lightly, and he caught me.

“You should sing me to sleep. Think of a song you’ve finished.”

“On the spot Munteanu?” I traced a few shapes on his chest and thought.

“Yes Printesa. It’s ok, it’s just me.” Kissing my head for reassurance, he gained a smile from me.

“Ok ok. Lemme think. I got the verse done but not the rest. Is that ok?” I asked nervously.

“Go ahead.” He closed his eyes and concentrated on the sounds of my voice. I scooted up closer to his ear, and held him close to me.

“If you keep on putting it down, you gon' make me love ya. If you keep on putting it down, you gon' make me stay. Ain't no competition, you that man by far. Maybe you the best, got me going so hard.”

My voice carried itself as I saw him smile sleepily a bit, holding me as if he’d lose me.

“And if this isn't love, why do I feel this way? Why does he stay on my mind? And if this isn't love, why does it hurt so bad? You make me feel so mad inside. Something about your love that's got me staying. Something about you boy, don't know what it is. And all you did to me, I'm steady fallen…”

He was sound asleep with me against him, holding on for dear life. Placing a kiss on each closed eyelid of his, i too fell asleep in a peaceful slumber. He wasn’t going to lose me, I was going to make sure of that.