Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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Danny, due to his biology of being half dead, can eat very questionable things and not die.
He decides to start a youtube channel with this.
He buys obvious shitty supplements online, clear and obvious scams, and takes them as directed for a month.
Then he reports what they did to him, and sends the samples to get tested. He's gotten more than a few scammers arrested by providing solid evidence that they used hazardous materials to make their product.
He gets away with this by claiming to have the power of abnormal metabolism, or an "iron stomach", so toxins aren't as likely to hurt him.
One of his viewers sends him an unmarked bottle of pills, saying that if he doesn't take the entire bottle on a livestream, they'll blow up a city.
Danny does his livestream, and goes out of his way to use the entire bottle of pills in extravagant recipes. By the end of it he's created a five course meal, all with the pills cooked/melted in, and it's become a mukbang.
The villain who sent it is watching the livestream pissed off, because they didn't specify how to take the pills, so this technically counts. The heroes they have trapped are losing their minds with concern.
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"our sergeant keeps kissing us when he's drunk, how do we tell him we'd like for him to kiss us while he's sober as well." -TF 141
TF 141 x very affectionate while drunk male reader
All fluff!
Building off of my old drunk clingy reader thing..
You have too much affection for the task force in your heart for your own good. When you're sober you at least hold it off, suppress it, unsure on how your friends would think about it. At most it's an arm around the waist or shoulder. Trying to not be too affectionate in fear of making them uncomfortable. Unbeknownst to you, they absolutely live for it.
When you're drunk all that self restraint goes away, other than clinging to their side you also very much enjoy giving them little pecks all over their face.
You have Soap leaning on your front, his back connected to your chest as you turn his head around to kiss his face, smooshing his cheeks as you do so. Kissing all the way from his brow to his jaw, rubbing your cheek against his and then resting your head on his shoulder and nuzzle your head into his neck as you leave him a blushing mess.
And when you're sticking next to Gaz, your hands wrapping around him, trapping him in your embrace as you leave kisses on his cheekbones and kiss the tip of his ear. Your lips touching every surface that you can get your hands (well lips) on. Leaving kisses on his shoulders as well.
Ghost sitting facing you as you intertwine your hands with his, and slowly lift said hands to your lips, kissing each knuckle and moving up to his covered face, placing kisses where he can still feel it through the fabric of his balaclava, like his cheeks and his chin. Maybe even his ear. You can't see it but he's beat red from his face down to his neck.
Sitting on the couch together with Price, your thighs touching and you have an arm on his shoulders, you can't help but keep staring at the man and as he turns to look at you you place a small kiss in the middle of his eyebrows, moving to kiss the corner of his eyes and moving your other arm to grab his face and smoosh his cheek in to your lips and give him an audible kiss and moving your lips to kiss the corner of his mouth. Only the best for your captain.
The next day always follows you furiously apologizing to the team, hoping you didn't make them uncomfortable but they always brush it off, always assuring you that it was fine and they don't mind it. They don't mind it at all, in fact, they're patiently waiting for the day you'll kiss them without having the help of alcohol.
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Willow: since we're trapped in the Human Realm and have time to kill, we've been thinking that it'd be great if you could show us some of some of the human 'movies' you're always raving about!
Luz: oh man I'd love to show you guys some of my favs! but uh, a lot of my top ten picks are horror movies so maybe we should start with something less scary
Gus: pfft, Luz, come on. after all the stuff we've been through together, what could these 'horror movies' possibly have in them that could scare us?
Luz: yeah, I guess you're right
*cut to the Hexsquad frozen in horror in front of John Carpenter's The Thing while Vee & Luz eat popcorn*
Luz: oh man you guys, this is the best part coming up!!
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