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tygerbug · 10 months

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DOCTOR WHO: The Star Beast (2023): It's great to have David Tennant and Catherine Tate back on Doctor Who. That's enough to give this a good review; little else matters. It's a return to form (or format) for the series, and should delight fans of the 2008 incarnation of Doctor Who. The things that are bad about it were also bad in 2008, and might seem nostalgic by now. Tate and Tennant have funny and touching moments, and are still a great team. It's like they never left. It's also about as subtle as a croquet hammer to the face. This is not necessarily a complaint. This is Doctor Who, after all.

It's the 60th anniversary of the venerable British sci-fi series, which follows a sort of Sherlock Holmes from space, a hyper-intelligent Time Lord from Gallifrey, travelling in his blue police box, the TARDIS, on adventures through time and space, battling monsters and saving the day. Originally running from 1963 to 1989, the series was revived by Russell T Davies in 2005. Series star Christopher Eccleston left after one series. He is a man of strong principles, who had a terrible first shoot as the producers and directors were still figuring the show out (and putting the cast in mortal danger quite by accident). Perhaps he disliked the producers, and their phony praise and positivity. Perhaps he disliked the sex criminals in the supporting cast, John Barrowman and Noel Clarke. Or maybe he couldn't see himself as part of a franchise selling action figures.

Eccleston said later: "I could not get along with the senior people. I left because of politics. I did not see eye-to-eye with them. I didn’t agree with the way things were being run. I didn’t like the culture that had grown up around the series … I thought to remain, which would have made me a lot of money and given me huge visibility, the price I would have had to pay was to eat a lot of shit … My face didn’t fit and I’m sure they were glad to see the back of me. The important thing is that I succeeded. It was a great part. I loved playing him. I loved connecting with that audience. Because I’ve always acted for adults and then suddenly you’re acting for children, who are far more tasteful; they will not be bullshitted. It’s either good, or it’s bad. They don’t schmooze at after-show parties, with cocktails."

The revived series was a hit, which became a culture-shifting phenomenon in the UK during the tenure of David Tennant as the Tenth Doctor. There were endless toys and spinoff series (including The Sarah Jane Adventures, Torchwood, and Doctor Who Confidential). Steven Moffat took over as showrunner in 2010, for series with Matt Smith (and later Peter Capaldi). Matt Smith's series got a big promotional push in America, but in the UK, viewership peaked during David Tennant's later series and specials (including his guest appearance with Matt Smith for the 50th Anniversary special). By viewership figures, David Tennant was the Doctor for a generation. Russell T Davies had also cultivated a female fanbase who enjoyed this more romantic take on the Doctor, and who didn't connect quite as much with Peter Capaldi's Doctor later on.

The series has its issues, its weak points you can criticize it for. Almost all of these involve the writers. None of these problems involve the lead actors. Doctor Who is a meaty role for any actor to play, and every actor has given an interesting and unique take on it. David Tennant, however, cast a longer shadow than most. He felt like the actor that Russell T Davies had been writing for the whole time. Arguably, Christopher Eccleston and Peter Capaldi based their portrayals on Tom Baker, the fourth Doctor. But Matt Smith and Jodie Whittaker were interpreting what David Tennant had done.

Russell T Davies' tenure was criticized for its lack of subtlety, with loud music by Murray Gold and over the top emotional content. Plus whatever was going on in Torchwood, the sex pest spinoff of Doctor Who. There was a hint of sex pestery in Steven Moffat's Doctor Who as well, along with misogyny, and it wasn't nearly as clever as it pretended to be, a problem which affected later seasons of Sherlock (with Benedict Cumberbatch), and that 2007 Jekyll show. These shows presented complex puzzle-box mysteries that the writer had no actual answers for, and then openly called the audience stupid for asking for those answers.

In spite of these issues, Russell T Davies and Steven Moffat produced a lot of excellent television during this time and are some of the best and most consequential writers the show ever had. It has been said that every Doctor Who writer has one Doctor Who story within them, that they are going to rewrite over and over again, and that the show needs to switch writers and lead actors every few years in order to avoid repeating itself. The Davies and Moffat years eventually did repeat themselves, and needed to move on to something new.

The series has suffered declining viewership since its heyday around 2008-2010, even taking the years of 2016 and 2019 off for budgetary reasons. There were long stretches between new episodes, and social media was not as interested in the series as it had once been. Chris Chibnall's tenure as showrunner, beginning in late 2018, and starring Jodie Whittaker as The Doctor, was not as much of a cultural force as the show had been a decade earlier. There wasn't much press coverage, and very little merchandise. In Tennant's day, every minor character seemed to get an action figure, even a "Faceless Grandma" and the metal frame that previously displayed minor villain "Cassandra." This time round, only the Doctor and a few of her friends got toys. There was even an incarnation of The Doctor that didn't get a figure- Jo Martin's Fugitive Doctor. It also caused a civil war within the older Doctor Who fandom that the lead character was now played by a white woman, and a black woman. Most of the older fans on social media came out as openly racist, sexist and transphobic, declaring that the show had lost its soul and had been ruined by "wokeness."

Meanwhile, other Doctor Who fans, who are not raving bigots, struggled with this incarnation of the show for other reasons. Personally, I found it rather dull. While Jodie Whittaker herself is a delight, writer Chris Chibnall was less so. He introduced more women and people of color into the cast, and gay themes, but the result was hardly explosive. As a white Doctor Who fan, he wrote these characters as if he was afraid to break them. Canonically, Doctor Who becomes a woman and has a lesbian romance with a woman of color, and that should be more interesting than it is. In practice, the love interest is a police officer with no character traits, and the two barely hold hands, or show any affection toward one another. At one point, Doctor Who, herself, has more sexual tension with a frog on a chair. Many scenes consist of one of Doctor Who's friends telling another friend how wonderful they think the other friend is. This was the introvert's Doctor Who.

Chibnall wrote with subtlety during his first year, not wanting to bring back classic villains, and preferring to let this incarnation of the show have its own vibe. For the second year he attempted to be Russell T Davies and bring all the villains back. Then he did whatever Flux was. There's a big, overarching story where they retcon the Doctor's lineage, basically to fit the backstory hinted at in novels in the 90s, and in some of the last stories before the show was cancelled in the 80s, where The Doctor is a more ancient figure than suspected. It's nerdy, and a bit "woke," as Doctor Who often is. This was a little controversial and they leave that plot thread hanging. It's unresolved by the end of Chibnall's tenure, making me wonder what the point was. Oh, and Chibnall has clearly watched the Russell T Davies episodes but not the Steven Moffat ones, so for anyone still paying attention, the Doctor's home planet of Gallifrey gets destroyed and restored and destroyed and restored and destroyed and etc, because the writer has lost track of the series lore. I guess 90s lore from novels when the show was cancelled was more important than the last few years of actual episodes, which normal people would have watched.

This incarnation of the show wasn't bad, exactly, but it wasn't enough either, at least not for me. Doctor Who has always been a silly show, and it's allowed to be good or ridiculously bad, as long as it's interesting. There's not much room for bland subtlety, and Chibnall didn't do "over the top" all that well. The Sacha Dhawan version of The Master, for example, could be a bit much at times.

"Come back, Russell T Davies, all is forgiven?" There is no such subtlety in Russell T Davies' interpretation, for better or for worse, and I'm thankful for that. Russell has invited Steven Moffat to return, and I wouldn't be surprised if he brings Chris Chibnall back as well, to get the three flavors of current Doctor Who. For all the bigoted fan complaints about Doctor Who becoming a black woman, and the show becoming "woke," Russell T Davies' writing here is about as "woke" as the show can manage. Yes, the Doctor is a familiar white man again, with a familiar white woman as his supporting player. But the supporting characters are basically just talking into the camera and giving speeches that boil down to "Trans rights," "Queer rights," "Nonbinary rights" and/or "rights for the disabled." There's a good-guy UNIT soldier in a turban, and women have a particular superpower. It is as subtle as a croquet hammer to the head.

Is that a good thing, or a bad thing? Well, politically it's a good thing. Transphobia has taken over every newspaper in the UK like a disease, and the average British journalist has a position on trans rights indistinguishable from that of Adlf Htler. So it is important to say these things without equivocating or "listening to both sides," since in the UK this is the great civil rights battle of our time. (The US is having a similar battle, but not one where the bigots control the newspapers entirely, and pretend to be left-wing feminists. In the US, wanting to exterminate the queers Dalek-style is generally considered to be a right-wing position, rather than a feminist one.) At one point, back in the day, Russell T Davies wanted to do a David Tennant Doctor Who story guest-starring Joanne Rowling. Guess that's not happening now. That would be scarier than the Daleks.

In practice it's a bit clunky, and the characters of Rose Noble (Yasmin Finney) and Ruth Madeley (the wheelchair-using Shirley Anne Bingham of UNIT) end up feeling underdeveloped, like day players saying political slogans, as if they're in a commercial. At least they're pleasant enough, and in a Doctor Who context one welcomes the lack of subtlety. But I'd have also welcomed a few rewrites. Who is Rose talking to, when she's saying this? Doesn't firing a gun cause kickback that would send someone on wheels flying backward? Is no one asking these questions? As has often been said about Doctor Who, a Doctor Who writer needs someone to stop him, someone to say "no."

Oh, but these are not questions for a Saturday Doctor Who. This is nit-picking a family adventure show which was never designed to hold up to such scrutiny. The onscreen representation is saying "Trans and non-binary and disabled people are good," and there are just enough little human moments here and there to make that feel lived-in and relevant. These characters were designed to be cosplayed. Rose faces bullying from her schoolmates, and Donna gets most of the good lines about it. Maybe the problem is that these characters aren't Doctor Who or Donna Noble. We don't know as much about them, and they're not allowed to be as funny.

Because, hey, have we mentioned, David Tennant is Doctor Who again, with Catherine Tate as Donna Noble, fifteen years later? Tate was a television comedian and they're still a funny team together, returning to these roles as if they never left. Tennant's glee at being back in the role is infectious, and seems to multiply tenfold in his scenes with Tate.

Tennant had returned for audio plays by Big Finish, with both Billie Piper and Catherine Tate, and the Tate ones are better. Billie Piper, as Rose Tyler, was really the star of Doctor Who for its first two "new" series. She's good, but it pushes Tennant into a romantic role, almost as a supporting character, which is tougher to play. Tennant was more secure in the part by 2008, and he and Catherine Tate have great chemistry as a comedy team, something they also did onstage in "Much Ado About Nothing."

The character of Donna Noble was originally a one-episode celebrity guest star, having a terrible wedding. Donna proved too memorable not to bring back for a full series. There's something honest and real about Donna, and Tate's performance. Russell T Davies seems to delight in writing bitchy middle-aged women. Incidentally Jacqueline King is back as her mother Sylvia.

Donna Noble also has unfinished business here, and Russell T Davies is all too happy to finally undo her bittersweet ending. (Whether Martha Jones will even get a mention is still up in the air. The poor girl ended up with Noel Clarke's Mickey Smith, and Torchwood, a nasty fate indeed.)

Rachel Talalay is also back in the director's chair, after doing several excellent episodes with Peter Capaldi's Doctor. Murray Gold is also back, doing his usual loud job on the music. Bombastic and overpowering, but memorable. They've done something different with the theme tune! It's kind of weird! But it's fine! It has chewing noises!

The Star Beast is also the first onscreen appearance of Beep the Meep, a creature who first appeared in Doctor Who comics (starring the fourth Doctor, Tom Baker) in 1980 (and illustrated by Dave Gibbons, who is credited here). A practical character enhanced with some CGI, Beep the Meep looks very impressive onscreen, and instantly becomes an iconic Doctor Who creature. Miriam Margolyes is the celebrity guest voice. (Stuntwoman Cecily Fay also performs the character.)

Yes, it's a return to form for the series, as it was intended to be. It feels like a 2008 episode, apart from the murky, dark, contrast-free, cinematography which has infected most television these days. (See: any Disney+ event show.) The show has struggled with budget and cultural relevance lately, and bringing back a popular Doctor for three specials feels like exactly the right move for its 60th anniversary. They've partnered with Disney+ for this run of episodes, a move that I hope they don't regret. And you see it in the budget, including an astoundingly large TARDIS set, which Tennant's Doctor visibly loves running around.

Davies and Tennant already did a five-minute comedy scene for the Children In Need charity this year, where we see Davros, creator of the Doctor's evil arch-enemies The Daleks, without his famous mutation and disabilities. Oh yes, it's the "woke" agenda again - Davies felt it was in bad taste to show an evil disabled character alongside an appeal for disabled children, and will apparently present the character this way going forward (at the cost of his familiar design). Since The Doctor is always meddling in time, any continuity errors between stories in the show's long history can technically be explained away by the timeline changing. And for example, the James Bond series has a long history of associating disability with villainy. There were complaints about the change, of course. The short is funny and cheeky, playing off of older Doctor Who lore while demolishing it at the same time. "I am allowed to do this," Davies and Tennant seem to be saying to the viewers, "and I am having fun doing it." Well, as long as you're having fun.

Jodie Whittaker's Doctor Who didn't get as much press coverage and merchandise, nor did Capaldi's, and maybe this is the shot in the arm the show needs to be a cultural force again. This is not a knock against these actors, who did good work in the role despite my nitpicks.

The original anniversary specials for Doctor Who involved bringing back the second Doctor Who, Patrick Troughton, whose layered and mischievous performance inspired every Doctor that followed. Bringing back David Tennant, the second Doctor Who of the New Series, feels very similar. It worked ten years ago, for a special in 2013, and it certainly works now.

This is an attempt to get the general public to say, "Wow, Doctor Who is back." It's big and silly in a very specific way that you'll remember from 15 years ago.

And yes, Doctor Who is back. Oh, and this isn't David Tennant as the Tenth Doctor. It is, somehow, David Tennant as the Fourteenth Doctor. Older and unshaven, The Doctor remembers being female very recently, and it has changed the character's perspective on things.

Some of the ending sucks, and some of the middle involves Tennant doing schtick apparently written for Tom Baker, who is a different actor than David Tennant is. (The 1980 comic was adapted for audio in 2019.)

I believe that two more specials will follow, followed by a series starring Ncuti Gatwa as Doctor Who. This promises to be extremely "woke" and "queer," if we're lucky.

Neil Patrick Harris will also be playing The Toymaker, an incarnation of Michael Gough's famous villain from a now-mostly lost 1966 serial, who was always teased to return, but never quite did. An 80s version, "The Nightmare Fair," has been recorded for audio. The original serial is so old that the character has slightly racist Asian undertones, and the N-word is said by a supporting player. It's not a great serial, but Gough is good in it, as a seemingly all-powerful puppetmaster, playing deadly games. The show considered writing (an ailing and cranky) William Hartnell out of the program here, using the Toymaker's powers. The Doctor would "rejuvenate" instead in "The Tenth Planet," later established as the "regeneration" powers of a Time Lord, which cause one actor to become another. Convenient. It's also the crucial reason why the show has lasted as long as it has. The show's format is fairly repetitive, but it can switch out lead actors and headwriters at will, and interpret the character in a different way, every few years.

Oh, but we miss them when they're gone. Most of the actors who have played Doctor Who and his friends have come back for audio dramas presented by Big Finish (and, occasionally, the BBC). There has also been the occasional anniversary special. But David Tennant coming back as the current Doctor is something a bit different, something unprecedented. They should do this with the other actors as well. They won't, but they should. Especially since Paul McGann and Jo Martin never actually got to do series as the character.

In the same week, we saw two special presentations. One was 2013's "An Adventure in Space and Time," made for the 50th Anniversary and starring David Bradley as the first actor to play Doctor Who, William Hartnell. For this rerun, dialogue from the first story "An Unearthly Child" has been cut, as the son of credited writer Anthony Coburn is currently having a months-long racist shit fit on Twitter, claiming that the BBC killed his father and is "woke" and gay, and withdrawing rights to that classic first adventure. All of classic Doctor Who is now streaming as part of the online "Whoniverse", but not that story, due to Coburn's meddling. A lot of the series is also streaming on Pluto TV. Ah well, you can still get the old DVD, which also includes the unaired pilot for the 1963 series. (About 100 early episodes are missing and only exist as audio. Many have been animated.)

The 2013 film has also been cheekily updated for this airing. A scene in which William Hartnell imagines seeing 2013's current Doctor Who, Matt Smith, has been reshot to involve Ncuti Gatwa. This fixes a small continuity error, as the background for Matt Smith's greenscreened closeup was identical to his medium shot. Maybe they should shoot one of these with Tennant, Capaldi, Whittaker, and Martin as well.

Meanwhile David Tennant, and presumably Ncuti Gatwa, become the latest actors to remind viewers to subscribe to the official Doctor Who Youtube channel, in what is becoming a tradition, or at least a meme.

(The 2013 film spends a lot of time on the production of the first episodes of the series, but gets sketchy toward the end, having very little time for the later episodes of the series, and the "replacement" actors that William Hartnell was less keen on. A cameo by Reece Shearsmith as Patrick Troughton is unconvincing, and Mark Gatiss was also onset as Jon Pertwee, as a joke. This was elaborated on later, with Bradley reprising the role for Big Finish audio dramas, and the Peter Capaldi episode "Twice Upon a Time." Scenes from Hartnell's final story "The Tenth Planet" were reshot for this episode with Bradley, as a flashback, but largely cut from the final product.)

The week's other special presentation is "The Daleks," the second ever Doctor Who story, which has here been colorized and reedited to be much shorter, in a "feature film" edit with new music and voice work. It's a bit of a hack job but gets the point across. Back in 1965, this was also adapted into the first of two color feature films starring Peter Cushing, and intended for a younger audience. Bernard Cribbins turned up in the second, decades before appearing as loveable grandpa "Wilf" in the 2008 Doctor Who. Cribbins is expected to appear in these specials somewhere, having taped an appearance before his death, and this special has Tennant's Doctor giving a heartfelt tribute to him.

There's also the matter of "Tales of the Tardis," in which some of the past stars of Doctor Who return for brief segments inside the TARDIS, introducing and reminiscing about their past adventures. It's a nice excuse to involve actors who would be hard to shoehorn into these specials otherwise. They've returned for audio plays from Big Finish, and in-character trailers for the Doctor Who Collection series of Blu-Rays, and even the final Jodie Whittaker special "Power of the Doctor." But this goes a step further, and is designed to feel like catching up with old friends. It also accomplishes what the first series of "Doctor Who Confidential" did. That was a series about the making of Doctor Who, whose first series also spent time talking to the stars of the classic series, and attempting to sell the classic series to young viewers who might not be familiar with it. You could get something similar by watching the classic Doctor Who DVDs, but presenting them alongside the making of the new series really gave a sense of perspective, and made Doctor Who feel like the long-running cultural icon it is, rather than some cruddy low budget relic. "Doctor Who Confidential" (and its kids counterpart "Totally Doctor Who") did a lot to sell Doctor Who as a cultural phenomenon, past, present and future, to audiences in 2005, and that sort of hype has been conspicuously missing as the series has gone on. Oh, they've got a "Making of Doctor Who" show again? Yeah, I'm thinking they're back.

It looks like Doctor Who fans have a lot to be happy about this year. And Doctor Who fans have a lot to write about, and worry about. And complain about. Doctor Who fans are very good at complaining. The Star Beast isn't perfect, but what Doctor Who story is? It is good fun, and a return to form for the series. And a lot of so-called fans will hate it. And that's a very good thing.

#doctor who #the star beast #david tennant #catherine tate

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variousqueerthings · 11 months

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I mean, yes, there's a lot of nostalgia to the 60th anniversary, but I think people will conflate that with "automatically a bit shit" because a lot of nostalgia Stuff isn't that great after a glut of lazy nostalgia-based media over the last x amount of time, but that assumes that it was bad because of it being nostalgic, and not because it was irony-poisoned, self-conscious, and unwilling to interact with the changing times and therefore a poor copy of the said thing it was being nostalgic about, rather than continuing a story. the familiar phrase by now of "all nostalgia, no sincerity"

when I'm not a fan of what one might call "nostalgia"-stories, it's not because referring to the past is automatically bad writing, it's because the writing is stale and really often it's because it reveals that whoever made the new thing definitely didn't get the same out of the classic thing that I did, and at the same time is patting themself on the back for idk. something. doing the same thing again, only this time around worse (often it's that surface level interaction with tropes, rather than themes that outs them -- and yeah, that's in the trailer, but specifically the trailer is giving very little away, so knowing they're hooking people in with a bit of allons-y or the slap or donna being sassy, while keeping the things I'm really excited about a bit more mysterious, I mean... that just makes sense?? Yeah, I recognise the callbacks, but the really important things aren't being revealed yet, like the inverse of terrible movies that show all their biggest set-pieces in the trailer, because that's all they have to offer)

and I don't see people pre-judging the potential 60th on those criteria, just on the word "nostalgia." I mean, obviously we can say this might be bad, but it's sort of a nothing-statement, and it seems kind of unfair to say that rtd would do this, when he's not done that before, specifically on a show that is super nostalgic to begin with (that is, the longest-running scifi show of all time), of which rtd was a massive fucking nerd

I assume because it's three specials with dtennant and catherine tate, but also yeah, why the hell not be nostalgic both about classic!who and the series that you created that rebooted the show (the answer is "because ten isn't the only doctor that matters," and personally, again, rtd being a massive fucking nerd, feels a bit like putting words in the man's mouth that he's never said, specifically about a show that he's super nerdy about)

feels like people are putting the stance out there that they're ready to hate it and then they can always go, "oh it was surprisingly good, actually," in case it is good, rather than be just excited going in and risk disappointment, but it's a bit boring to be honest

tempering excitement is all well and good, until it makes you the irony-poisoned one, where all nostalgia is kind of stupid really, you don't even care that much, and you know this is going to be shit, and actually looking back rtd was never good if you think about it, and ten is overrated, and david tennant isn't even a good actor actually, and catherine tate was just a shitty comedian, and you've preemptively decided to refuse to enjoy yourself

it's an anniversary, that's when the nostalgia comes out, and has done since the 10th anniversary in (checks notes) 1972!

#rtd #doctor who #dw #russell t davies #i mean there's things id be unhappy with too #i may not be a fan of moffat or chibnall as showrunners but i dont want those stories erased #because that's a kind of cruel + ego-fueled thing to do and those stories matter to a lot of people #and for me personally that's the timeline and i wouldn't want it fucked with esp capaldi and whittaker #who are very very underrated in each their way #but why in the world would rtd do that?#also i was upset when moffat did Exactly that with rtd's run to begin with i wouldn't want it done again #and i wouldnt want the stories to be meaningless or boring (which.. again why would they be?)#and i wouldnt want it to become too marvel-ised (i take heart in rtd absolutely slamming loki for poor rep)#(and that in the past he's talked about the love of Creating for screen for amateurs AND he's brought back confidential/unleashed)#(AND that he's still heavily inspired by classic!who while also casting a boatload of queer actors)#and i dont want ncuti gatwa to be overshadowed but again again again again... why in the world would rtd do that?#actually fuckit im making a post about things im excited for for the 60th

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emblemxeno · 4 years

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Opinion on ‘Grey Morality’ in FE3H

Something that I find ironic-and this is coming from a very opinionated point of view-is that most of the “everyone’s a war criminal/done bad things and the story is morally grey” stuff is made usually in defense of Edelgard, but I’d argue that not only does the game not really do morally grey stuff that well, but the best it does it is with Rhea and the Church.

This message and defense of grey morality in this game can’t really be applied that well because Claude is squeaky clean and only considers doing shady stuff, Dimitri only commits acts of extreme violence and malice when he’s succumbing to his mental illness (something he has no control over and his actions aren’t even that awful in the grand scheme), Edelgard aligns with an underground terrorist group and fights for subjugation of autonomous nations and Byleth barely has a character.

The choices you have from the above group are Good Guy #1, Good Guy #2 with a twist, Emperor who enables actually evil people for a terrible cause and a blank slate. That’s really not good grey morality, and you don’t need it for a great story, but I really think it needs to be said because it’s pretty much a hot take considering how many people would probably disagree with me lol.

However. I find that Rhea and the Church in general are actual good examples of grey morality, because yeah Rhea did shady shit, the Church members can have questionable ideologies, etc. But all of these have reasonable justifications and the playable members of the church realize that they aren’t that squeaky clean. Seteth recognizes the problems the church has, Catherine doesn’t want people idolizing her for her job, Shamir is just a realist merc who understands the world, and Rhea outright fucking admits that she’s done horrible things when trying to lead the world away from another tragedy.

The church faction is probably the most grounded and well written depiction of a morally grey faction within Three Houses, and I think it’s a shame that a lot of people are just convinced they’re evil because “Church in JRPGs = automatically evil”, even though FE barely does that trope itself.

#fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe3h #rhea fire emblem #seiros fire emblem #church of seiros #seteth fire emblem #flayn fire emblem #catherine fire emblem #shamir fire emblem #shamir nevrand

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couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name · 4 years

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Ya know, I truly hope Miss Renesmee Carlie Cullen fully dedicates herself to just....being as out there and iconic as possible

first things first- ANYTHING with the loch ness monster on it, she owns. Posters, shirts, jackets, shoes, folders, buttons, iron-ons, there is always at least 5 pieces of Nessie merch on her at all times

once she gets old enough to start high school, the cover story is her and Edward are siblings that Carlisle and Esme took in, and sometimes her classmates will ask her what her biological parents were like and she will flat out be like 'oh, they're vampires' and Edward and Bella are like. 5 feet away trying not to scream

every Halloween she'll show up to school in an elaborate Nosferatu costume

goes out of her way to photobomb people in increasingly ridiculous ways so there will Always be a photographic record of her and in like 100 years she can get a huge kick out of teens on the internet trying to make a conspiracy about her

joins as many school clubs as she can, even if she has no interest in them- she just Really wants a concrete record of herself to exist lmao

ICONIC at school theater though. One of those demon theater kids that come to rehearsal purely to cause chaos and nothing else, but her voice is incredible so she secures every lead. One time she somehow managed to star in a show while also playing in the school band for it- her classmates still have no idea how she pulled it off

Always brings blood out in public in a CLEAR THERMOS and it stresses her family out so much but everyone else thinks she's just like, weirdly into tomato juice so the Cullens can't stop her

to everyone's surprise...her biggest chaos enabler is Jasper lmao. everyone thought he'd be a logical, responsible uncle but they're just. A Problem together. He'll 100% assist her in any prank she wants to pull, he gets her fake id's when she wants to sneak into a club with friends, he bails her out of jail without telling her parents, they figured out if she gets high and he reads her feelings he'll get high too and it's. So fucking funny.

she's always carrying some random instrument around school- like for a while it's a guitar or a harmonica, fine, but then she'll start lugging a cello around, a tuba (she doesn't even play, she stole it off a guy who was annoying her) and it escalates until one day she's wheeling a piano around the building. no one's even sure how she got in in the doors of the school. She keeps running kids over in the hallway with it

You know the Catherine Tate Lauren Cooper skit with David Tennant? Where she's being a terrible student and then perfectly recites Shakespeare? 100% Nessie

when she starts getting dates Jacob keeps trying to wing man and be over supportive and give her a ton of girl advice and it's embarrassing as hell so one day when he was on a spiel about How To Woo A Lady she looks him in the eyes and goes 'oh really? did that work on my mom?' and the Cullens fucking LOSE IT. Jacob had to go live in the woods for a few days because he couldn't cope

Emmet and Jasper: arrive to school in their jeep. Rose and Alice: arrive in a convertible. Edward: arrives in his dumb volvo. Bella and Jake: arrive to school on motorcycles. Nessie: arrives to school on a unicycle while juggling

one year she ended up getting nominated for prom queen and Edward read the minds of the teachers tallying the votes so he knew she won and he and Bella were so excited!! they're like we're gonna take so many pictures of our baby looking like a princess! And then she emerges from her room, actually drenched in pigs blood. Like she just did it to herself and went to the dance and accepted her crown like that

she regularly commits crimes against fashion. If she comes out of her room and sees Alice contemplating turning herself over to the Volturi, she KNOWS she's picked a great look

somehow gets ahold of Aro's cell number and sends him selfies of her blatantly breaking vampire laws captioned 'whatcha gonna do'. he keeps blocking her but she keeps managing to get through to him somehow

she illegally sells soda out of her locker and does people's homework for cash, while also paying other people to do her homework for her. she organizes every single senior prank. she's never gotten a detention in her whole immortal life because every teacher just Adores her for some reason

had 100% used her powers for deserved evil before. Like, if someone's being a dick at school, she'll sneak into their room at night and give them nightmarea threatening them to be a better person lol

sometimes she'll show up at the hospital unannounced and ask Carlisle, in front of his coworkers, 'yo can I raid the blood bank?'

her bedroom looks like a library. every wall, floor to ceiling books.

she's been publishing trashy romance novels under a fake name for almost 40 years now and no one in her family knows

one birthday Jacob takes her on a trip to vegas and they get wasted, at some point they were laughing about how ridiculous their lives are and they're like 'wouldn't it be fucking hilarious if we had a baby'. they then black out, hangover style, and wake up like a week later with a payment on her card to a fertility clinic. Jacob's like 😱 and Ness is just like 'you get to be the one to explain this to my parents'

Their kid is absolutely hilarious, they were correct, and at some point they realized 'wait...drinks blood..doesn't sparkle...can shape shift...we've somehow created a classic pop culture vampire' lmao

Edward had to threaten them to get them to not name the kid Vladimir

Also to be clear: Nessie and Jacob have the EXACT same dynamic as Will and Grace. that's canon.

says its her goal to star in a live action all female production of mamma mia and Carlisle is like 'honey you know you can't do anything on broadway or in hollywood' and she's like, 'no, in real life. I'm gonna go to greece and attract a bunch of women with abba songs' and he's like,,,,,ah

she loves all music but she goes out of her way to Only play stuff she knows Edward hates lmao

one day she remembers she doesn't need to breathe and can see under water and just. books herself a ticket to scotland and Finds The Loch Ness Monster

she actually personally finds a lot of monsters and cryptids like her hybrid aura just attracts all kind of weird shit and she LOVES it. She stops writing trashy romance novels and starts writing autobiographies of her traveling and hanging out with paranormal beings and everyone just assumes its fiction so she becomes a best selling fantasy author lmao

100% she's very into witchy stuff and only like...half in a trendy way. She's like what if on top of everything I've got going on I can cast spells? Think I deserve that power

when she's a couple decades old she catches Edward looking grossed out one day and she asks him what's up and he's like 'I really dont need to hear what creepy teachers think about my daughter' and she's like. oh. Dad we are gonna get SO MANY pedophiles arrested shdndjdn she gets him to expose teachers and she baits them then calls the police. queen.

She finds out she can get tattoos but they fade completely out of her skin within 5 years so she's always getting crazy tats

posts selfies on social media of her just like. hanging out with mountain lions or chilling on top of the space needle. her classmates think they're all photoshopped obvi but it drives her family insane

imagine you're 15 and you're on a nice hike in the woods and you come across your one classmate half naked, sacrificing a bear in some ritual, blood dripping down her face, bigfoot chilling on the rocks behind her filming the ritual on her phone...like on one hand, what would you do, but on the other hand. you've known this girl for a bit and you aren't surprised at all

anyway. stan Nessie Cullen.

#twilight saga #renesmee cullen #nessie cullen #breaking dawn #twilight #molly mumbles

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collectivefandomstuff · 4 years

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It starts one evening when Bruce is off-world and Alfred has invited (ordered) everyone to the manor for a cup of tea. Predictably, this soon devolves into bickering which somehow morphs into all the kids sharing stories about their time in the manor, trying to out-do each other. Here, Alfred starts telling them stories about the people who have lived in this house before; generations of Waynes long gone. One in particular, he tells them, a young woman called Catherine, suffered terribly through her life and died at the hands of a scorned lover in this very house. Sometimes, Alfred claims, you can hear her ghost wandering through the halls, singing sorrowfully or weeping.

Damian scoffs at this and says that it’s “clearly nonsense”.

And that’s when it truly starts, with one of the kids having the idea that “a few weird noises here, a fluttering curtain there... it should be doable to convince my pseudo-siblings that there’s a ghost.” Except this is the batfamily who are all complete trolls so it’s not one of the kids. It’s all of them. Even Damian figures that “Drake is gullible” and it would be worth the trouble to scare the shit out of Tim.

And so the great ghost-campaign of 2012 begins. Tim and Steph quickly pair up for maximum effect; with Tim putting speakers in the vents that plays a track he found online called “ethereal crying” and Steph taking on the role as “Catherine”, sweeping down the halls in a wig and a floaty gown and fake crying into a handkerchief.

Damian, being tiny, crawls through the vents, playing recordings of a woman crying near wherever Tim is at the moment (doing this he actually manages to break one of Tim’s speakers. He doesn’t notice). When Tim is caught without airpods and actually hears Damian’s recording, he thinks Steph must really be working overtime on the ghost thing.

Dick spends hours crouched on top of beams and chandeliers making sniffling noises, and leaves silk gloves with the initials “C.W.” embroidered on them on everyone’s pillows. Damian is the only one who notices, since only he and Tim actually sleep at the Manor and Tim is always way too sleep-deprived to either take note of or care about what’s on his pillow.

Damian decides that Tim’s the one who left the glove and vows to double his efforts. Tim remains oblivious to the crusade against him.

Jason sneaks into the Manor at night to leave fake blood on the floor outside the west wing. Cass finds him and convinces him that fake blood won’t cut it and they both get way too involved and end up “donating” their own blood to the cause. The blood is mopped up by Alfred before any other sibling can find it.

Damian places portable air-conditioners on the coldest setting over Tim’s favorite spots in the Cave and Library. Tim starts wearing scarfs.

Dick dresses up as a Victorian Lady and stalks the halls of the manor, lamenting “her” fate. In the dark, a been-awake-for-48-hours and high-on-caffeine Tim mistakes him for Stephanie and greets him way too loudly with “diD You GeT A nEW DResS?” This freaks Dick out entirely and he falls out of the open window he had been sadly mourning his death in front of.

Jason and Cass get really stuck on the whole blood thing and leaves a torn-up, bloodied white dress on a hook in the library. Stephanie takes one look at it and thinks that someone has stolen HER dress and ruined it, and takes it as proof for a later date.

Damian, slightly departing from the “ghost persona” in favour of torturing Tim, starts leaving thorny roses where Tim will step on them with bare feet, which is mostly in the shower.

Tim starts questioning his sleeping-schedule and resolves to maybe dial back on energy drinks. He also puts everyones shoes in the freezer when they come over and return them to the hall before they leave, so they’ll think a cold chill has just passed along the floor.

On the whole, they’re all too busy to actually notice what everyone else is up to -or get frightened by it. Bruce however, is not.

Newly returned from off-world, he starts noticing things. Voices in the vents, drafts in the cave, blood on the floor outside the west wing (that he has Alfred mop up). All the kids are fine, but obviously someone is breaking into his house. Obviously.

This leads him to scour the cctv footage where he sees a strange, crying woman meandering through the halls at night. When he investigates the blood, the camera shows him a shadowy figure standing right where the blood was (Cass, geared up because both she and Jason takes this way, way, too seriously).

His paranoia now fully woken from its (very light) slumber, he tries to find the hole in the Manor’s defenses. Late one evening, when he’s coming back from patrolling the grounds, he sees a victorian woman fall from a second story window with a scream and land in a heap of skirts. When he gets there, she’s gone (Dick made himself scarce, not wanting to be discovered by Tim), but a few days later, he thinks he sees a bloodied, ripped dress on one of the cameras in the library. When he gets there, it’s gone. Meanwhile, Titus keeps bringing him silk gloves with strange initals on them and he hears sniffling cries and singing everywhere. Finally, he reaches a logical explanation.

“I have seen stranger things” he tries to comfort himself, even as he’s putting up fifty new cctv cameras and lines the corridors with salt for good measure. “aliens. demons. the Court of Owls.” He researches ghost-prevention techniques and contemplates whether martial arts would have an effect on a non-entity. He buys iron and re-watches Ghost Busters. Finally, he believes himself both well-equipped enough to handle the threat, and well-informed enough to accurately decide what it is exactly (a ghost born of tradegy, not vengeful but possibly dangerous if crossed).

Confident that he now has the situation back under control, Bruce holds a briefing with all the kids to explain and assign roles for the mission to get rid of the ghost. For years after the fact he vehemently denies this meeting ever taking place and tries (unsuccessfully) to track down all copies of the photos and videos his children took during the six hours of ghosthunting he led them on before one of them (Dick) finally lost it enough for Bruce to notice.

#Duke stays away from this whole mess b/c he actually has a life #long post #batfamily #batman #Damian Wayne #Alfred Pennyworth #dick grayson #Jason Todd #Tim Drake #cassandra cain #Stephanie Brown #request #dc #humor #bruce wayne #ghosts #ask #I would say asked and answered but honestly anon I don't know if I answered your questions at all

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manet-boleyn · 4 years

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The Spanish Princess Top 5 Characters

Back at these Top characters list again. This is my second, the first one I did was The Tudors. That had Top 10 characters, however since there is a smaller cast of characters since TSP is much more shorter, I will only be doing 5 characters. This show was actually enjoyable to me much more than The Tudors since it was shorter and I knew the cast of people much more thn idk... Gardner (I don’t really interested in Parr’s time as queen, planning to change that) and that musician boy from the first season. I will go on more of this in a different post how The Spanish Princess does better with characters than The Tudors in a different post. Anyway, these are my 5 favorite characters in TSP, let’s take a look.

HONORABLE MENTIONS-

Mary “Rose” Tudor

Cardinal Wolsey

Charles Brandon

Bessie Blount (before TSP made her nasty since they realized she was too nice to go against Catherine)

Oviedo

Edward Stafford, Duke of Buckingham

5. Arthur Tudor, Prince of Wales

Before I even watched TSP, I was already interested in this portrayal of Arthur. A few months, in fact. I always commented on his silly hair how it made him “Willy Wonka”, but from all those jokes and comments, he definitely become very close to the start of this account by just making fun of the wig. So when I was watching The Spanish Princess episode 1, I absolutely fell in love with this dork. The actor is also cute and I feel like he is a good Arthur, Angus Imrie makes Arthur very timid and unsure of Catherine, which I mean I would too since Catherine is an awful character. But each time Arthur appeared on screen, I was so happy since his character was just amazing and he gives off so much bookworm vibes. I definitely relate with this character since I’m really awkward too. I love how he interacts with Margaret Pole’s children and with Margaret herself, it is like they have a little family. I love how he tries to be tough against his brother, but automatically failing since he is very shy while Henry is very full of himself. I hate to say it but the sex scene with Catherine also shown his character as well, a fucking sex scene. Heck, ever scene he is in shows his character well. From the start you can tell he wouldn’t be that good of a king by just how awkward he is, while his brother is straight forward. You can say Arthur is an oddball and that makes me love him even more. This was one of the best acting in the show, props to Angus Imrie.

4. Lina de Cardonnes

Obviously, most of Lina’s story is made up since the real Lina was a servant and not Catherine’s closest lady-in-waiting. However I am guessing Lina is supposed to replace Maria de Salinas, the real Katherine of Aragon’s closest best friend. However, I still love the character of Lina. She still supports Catherine throughout the show, however will tell her if the thing she is doing is wrong, say like lying about how Catherine bedded Arthur and other things. However, she will still help Catherine no matter what. This kind of disappointed me, that Lina is so kind to Catherine in some points even though Catherine is a huge dick to her sometimes. It was so great to see her finally leave England in the last episode, it’s like a big “F U to Catherine for me”. But not fully though, Lina still comforts Catherine the last few moments she has with her. I started to understand that was her character though. Rosa did really risky stuff (of that time period) that Lina told her not to do, and she had to suffer the consequences, Lina still decided to help her. Lina is the character that will comfort anyone who is need of it. that is what i like about her character, she is an extremely sweet character and I am so happy that she got out of England before it started to go down to shit. She had suffered to much and finally got her happiness by leaving with her family, and I am so glad she got a happy ending. Stephanie Levi-John played her very well.

3. Margaret Tudor, Queen Regent of Scotland

First of all, I want to make it clear that out of Henry VII’s four children, I know about Margaret the least. I knew she was married to the King James of Scots and had a son who would become the next King of Scotland and had a daughter named Margaret Douglas. So obviously, I really do not know who she is. However, the Spanish Princess made me really want to research about her. I have not done that yet, but I will since it made me feel interested in her. I thought she was going to be one of the most boring of the characters since I watched a review of The Spanish Princess Season 1 and it said she didn’t do much. Which is correct, she wasn’t present that much in the first Season. However, from all the characters that i wasn’t familiar with that much (Elizabeth of York, The King’s mother, etc.) she was quite, interesting, Then Season 2 happened. In Season 2 she becomes much more important to the story and her acting is so great. She looses a husband that she loves, whom at first she was scared to not even like. She looses her sons to her terrible husband and becomes somewhat mad that she has to stay with him. Before i watched the last two episodes of TSP, I saw a post on Tumblr where it stated she welcomed Anne Boleyn in full arms and watching TSP and how it portrays her struggle with trying to get an annulment, I can understand why she did it and I think Georgie Henley played her very good. She made Margaret very complex and at the end where she absolutely hates her brother and his wife, it makes so much sense. Plus, she loved Mary Tudor and said “ a girl is still a child and she is so beautiful” while Catherine was just like, “it’s a girl, ew”. She definitely is one of the really great characters in the show and I’m interested if they will show her character in Becoming Elizabeth.

2. Thomas Boleyn, Earl of Wiltshire

First of all, I just like his character? I don’t know? I really liked it when he said that daughters was also a blessing just like a son? I think i just like him since i really do not like Thomas Boleyn portrayals. Many portayals make him look like a pimp that pimps out his daughters. Thomas also does this too somewhat, but I genually see that he loves his daughters, what many portrayals of Thomas Boleyn lack of. We don’t see him get angry at his daughters at all, when he tells Anne to get the king’s interest, I feel like it just isn’t forced. We don’t see Anne ever get angry at his father at all. You can say she has barely any character in this like other portrayals, but just seeing Thomas not be angry to his daughters just is different for me, I don’t know why. Plus, he is one of the people I’m very sure that is very stand offish of Margaret Beaufort after she literally orders a man to die even though the King is dead. he is in the background a lot but he makes his presence, I really hope he is in Becoming Elizabeth, this character needed more of a presence since he was an utter joy to watch. He’s also high on the list since I am a simp. I’m sorry. It’s just like Thomas More.

1. Rosa de Vargas

Yes, very unexpected, right? Rosa is so underrated and I wish more people talked about her. She was one of the main characters for Season 1 and shown up two times in Season 2. I used to be kind of annoyed with her. She takes a lot of risks by becoming Edward Stafford’s mistress and I somewhat agreed with Rosa that she was being dumb. But when you see her in Season 2, she is different. She is more mature and looks more mature and that is when I realized that she was only a teenager in Season 2. Or young adult, but she is still young still. Then everything made sense, of course she took those risks since when someone is a teenager, they take risks, not matter the cause. I started to like Rosa when she is pregnant , the utter worry she got made me really sympathize for her. She decides to keep the baby and I grew more and more in fear as she tries to get Stafford a home for her for the child and Stafford constantly ignores her. But then Rosa sadly has a miscarriage and she is destroyed by it. You can really feel how upset she is, she really wanted to have a life with her child. She is so compassionate and it is s shame that she is only a young adult having all of this horrible things happen to her. Yet, she still has the happy girl vibe, she cares for her friends and I was quite upset that she had to leave, I grew close to her character and I didn’t want more time of Catherine. But then we see her in Season 2. She’s older now, she has a family of three daughters. She went through so many hardships, she finally gets her happy ending. She also has a loving husband, you can tell how happy she is as a mother and wife while Catherine really isn’t. Rosa is the character that actually fully convinces Catherine that she could care for her daughter, even though she is not a boy that will become king. And Catherine takes that information. Rosa, the girl who lost her child when she was a teenager, teaches the one of the most bitter characters in the show to actually become a mother and love her daughter. In my opinion, Rosa has most impressive character arc of the show. We barely see her in Season 2, but she has changed so much, in a positive way too. She used to be so timid and sad, but now she if a confident mother that shines. She even accepts the apology form Stafford and the way she does it the watcher can see so much growth. And in the end, she helps Lina leave England to go to the Ottoman Empire. Rosa at the start got help from Lina, but now she is the one that helps. She finally sets Lina free from the painful state of England. To me, Lina is the one that got the true happy ending in The Spanish Princess. She went from an awful beginning into a character that i respect so much and I wish people see her growth. Rosa is a minor character, yes, but she is the one to make Catherine become a parent, she is the one to make Mary actually have a parent that cares for her well being, and she is the one that helps Lina escape. She is so beneficial to the plot and easily should be loved by the fan base just like Margaret, Mary “Rose” Tudor, and Anne Boleyn. I really hope Nadia Parkes has a successful career soon.

Anyway, that’s my Top 5 characters in The Spanish Princess, what is yours?

#tw miscarriage #the spanish princess #Katherine of Aragon #thomas boleyn #rosa de vargas #margaret tudor #lina de cardonnes #arthur prince of wales

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mrs-nate-humphrey · 4 years

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aight aight, real shit; let's say you got the chance to rewrite the entirety of gossip girl exactly how you want. make a brief description of what would happen in each season. (you can decide whether there's a fourth season or not)

oh i LOVE this ask, and i am so flattered to be asked this, haha. i have SO many thoughts, i’ve been thinking about this non-stop, but i’ll try to be as brief as possible. also, disclaimer, i don’t remember all the seasons equally clearly. like i barely remember s2. haha, whoops.

season 1: i love this season as is, for the most part. i think the tone of it was actually very serious and involved? like the show was actively trying not to be frivolous with heavy topics, and the way we were getting to see the characters seemed like they were trying to bring out character depth and the complexities of their lives in very deliberate ways. nate’s whole thing with his parents gets so much focus, and it’s not something the show glorifies, it’s something that is meant to make you uncomfortable and worried for him.

i would have nate be less of a dudebro, jenny & nate’s friendship being a little more solid, dan being a little more involved in jenny’s problems + helping her find her space, vanessa/nate to happen earlier - after nate breaks up w/ blair and realises she looks happier, i would have him not try and get back with her (lol, dude, the fact that she’s happy after breaking up with you means you probably shouldn’t be dating her.) more exploration of eric’s mental health. more dan and blair friendship. i would keep chair the way it is this season. i would not have a derena breakup - i’d have them take a break after the georgina reveal and get back together during the summer after talking about it and deciding to be more honest & open with each other. and, what the hell, i would have lily not blame serena (???) for being taken advantage of in the whole pete fairman situation. serena wasn’t sober, she was 16, that dude was in his 30s, georgina was taping her w/o her consent. how is any of this serena’s fault??? i hate lily’s reaction so much.

season 2: i... don’t remember enough of this season, sadly. it’s been too long since i watched it. i would majorly change jenny’s arc here, though. eleanor stealing her dress was majorly, majorly fucked up, and i think jenny should’ve done something then and there. also the whole thing with ‘lily is a mother to chuck’.... i would’ve loved it if lily had been like that to jenny. the girl needed it, and lily would’ve actually been able to help jenny establish connections in the professional world and whatnot. i think jenny should’ve transferred out of constance - not necessarily homeschooling maybe, but gone somewhere else. unlike dan, she didn’t even want to get into an ivy, she wanted to make it big as a designer. so. that.

oh nate my love. i’d get this trainwreck of a boy some therapy. while i hate that the catherine thing happened, things like that do happen all the time, and i’d be interested in sort of handling the aftermath of it in a responsible way. i would not have... a lot of serena’s arc and decisions (from what i can remember) were really random in this season. i’d have her break up with dan at some point. and vanessa would need a new subject for her short film, and she’d choose serena.

nate doesn’t really date anyone, this season. but he and jenny open up to each other abt having gay crushes on people who treat you like shit - jenny’s thing with agnes - nate rescues her when they’re taking those pictures in her flat and let’s say she doesn’t go back to agnes. instead of kissing her, nate talks to her instead, and tells her about carter, tells her about chuck. and jenny talks about her feelings for blair, her feelings for agnes. and both of them sort of go... “it sucks, but all we can do is try not to become the kind of people we hate, right?”

dan pines for nate. majorly. massively. obviously. i think the only person who really notices is blair, and this would lead to new hijinks and shenanigans. also!! i do not want chair in s2. maybe it can go there for a bit but definitely not to the extent in canon. i want blair to have the same moment of being unable to deny her cruelty / needing to be accountable that she did in that ‘age of dissonance’ play. and. this sounds fucky but i want the dan/rachel stuff to stay as it is, and later, in s4, for dan & serena to talk about rachel & ben respectively and be like ‘hey, this was a fucked up thing to happen to us, wasn’t it?’

i would also like to get to know blair’s “minions” better as people. i mean. they all seemed hella fascinating to me, and the show’s decision to make them superficial and unidimensional was very depressing.

season 3: hot garbage, throw canon away. when chuck goes away to paris or wherever, let him not come back. goodbye, dude! dan, blair & vanessa friendship at nyu is so, so important to me. also im losing my mind always at how vanessa and serena catch dan on that walk of shame and they’re both like ‘college is a time for experimentation!’ and nobody does anything even slightly bisexual (unless you count that threesome later, which, blah.) a serenessa / date dynamic in college would’ve been great. dan transferring to columbia like blair does and rooming with nate and just, the gayness of it all. dan & blair become really, really close, and d&b&v watch movies + go to art exhibits together and are all SO DAMN PRETENTIOUS. serena finds it sexy, nate finds it terrifying.

the william stuff would be interesting if he were actually held accountable. like that man has no right being a doctor, and medical malpractice needs to be brought up. and jenny’s whole arc this season makes me so sad. i think it would’ve been interesting if she’d been a ‘queen’ and ruled alongside eric, and just, the two of them forcing people to be nice, sort of like they try to do with people who are mean to nelly in s2 i think it is? but also.. jenny out of constance is very good, and i think i mentioned that earlier, haha, whoops.

season 4 : serenessa breakup, for whatever reason, probably to do with the william fuckery, because i think vanessa would react in similar ways to nate (”serena, i know he’s your dad, but we have to do the right thing” / “it still wasn’t your call to make” / “he’s a certified doctor, serena, a man like that has no right -” / “god vanessa, you really don’t get it, do you?” ). uhhh i would actually... if i had to choose i would honestly go blairnessa >>>>> dair. i love how blair & vanessa can keep each other on their toes and hold each other accountable. like? blair’s classist or racist and dan’s just like, *smiles*. vanessa would actively be like ‘hey, stop that.’ (this is one of the few actual criticisms i have about d/b as a relationship, RIP.)

(edited to add: yeah, i think blairnessa WOULD be a sustainable relationship, more abt that here! )

yes to the milo arc, but dan gets to keep milo (his friends threaten georgina and go all ‘you made him sign the certificate. don’t make us take you to court’ because i love these morally grey assholes but also because g DID trick dan into thinking milo was his and dan was ready to reshape his whole life around that kid which is more than georgina was willing to do. plus endgame: jack/georgina are not parents i want milo to have.) i would also have more of a rufus & dan fallout over the milo thing. i think rufus would be really nasty about it all tbh.

the dair arc for blair and vanessa! let the juliet stuff happen, but let it be less awful + let it be seen as Bad + let serena get help & not forgive her for it. let serena NOT date ben after, what the hell. i want d&s to talk about their shared feelings for high school teachers and to realise, in retrospect, as adults, that what happened was crossing lines. let blair and vanessa suddenly drop dan and do the movies + galleries stuff on their own. and dan’s like ??? but he’s busy being a parent with nate supporting him. dan’s drama is very much parenting things. there would be some nonsense involving nate’s family pushing back, because ‘we stood by while you dated him, nate, we thought it was a phase. but raising a child with another man? this is unacceptable.’ i would like nate to get disowned by the family, and need to find his own feet. and to get a REAL SHOT AT HAPPINESS away from that terrible environment.

season 5: i want this to be a good serena season. let her find her calling doing creative things. let her and carter travel the world. let her just be whoever she wants to be. let her and vanessa patch their friendship up. let her have an open relationship with carter, let her have a lot of sex with a lot of random people and not feel guilty about it. let her really really blossom. i want more eric! maybe he’s in london with jenny, and she’s working on her fashion stuff, and he’s realising that he really wants to be a counsellor.

some time-skips, maybe. i really want to see dan’s whole thing of being a parent. sending milo to kindergarten and spending the whole time milo’s gone on edge and anxious about everything that could go wrong, while nate comforts him. let nate try to get a job because he no longer has a trust fund, and navigate everything that comes with that. let vanessa be there for him. why the fuck am i phrasing my sentences like this - can you tell that i studied physics once?? oh well.

blair & vanessa handling a lot of things. vanessa meeting harold!! vanessa’s parents being disapproving of blair, but ruby standing up for her. blair & vanessa planning their future properly. blair & vanessa babysitting milo and talking about kids.

and there can be drama too, there should always be drama. but i would like wholesome stuff at the centre of it too, you know? the ivy/lola nonsense can go on in the background, i don’t actually care that much. as long as ivy doesn’t go around fucking people’s fathers for no understandable or discernable reason, i don’t really care lkdhlfdkhg. (it was just so inexplicable and so random!)

season 6: uh, i don’t know. this was a bad season for everyone in canon, except chuck. i would throw it all away. i would actually love if we had pre-series rufly instead: every time those two bring up their past together i’m like 👀 because it sounds like a dream. or focus entirely on jenny and eric and their life. i am obsessed with jenny and eric being... sort of queerplatonic, sort of like, best friends. there’s no romance and no sex between them (eric’s canonically gay, and jenny’s a lesbian because i said so) but i think the way jenny and eric are is very, very life partners in a way that isn’t romantic OR sexual. so they’d have a little place together and would support each other. and just. what are they up to now? also. kati, iz, penelope, hazel, nelly... what r they doing now? one of the few things i actually liked about s6 as it was was that nelly was that reporter and that she’d found her people in yale. nelly yuki getting a happy and fulfilling ending and being a successful woman was so good and we actually got a little bit of that. i’d like more of that, for the rest of the girls, you know?

#anon #long post #this is almost 1.9k words long but it was fun to write LDKHLGKHFGKH #gossip girl #i know there's no dair i am so sorry about that #but honestly the way this was panning out i had to like #choose between dair & blairnessa #RIP #meta #??#prompt #my writing #???#gg rewrite

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shalebridge-cradle · 4 years

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When You Smile and it Tears Your Face (It’s Time for the Inhuman Race)

Warnings: Blood. Implied Violence.

“Anna?”

Anna von Kleve, former minor noble of the Holy Roman Empire, pries open her eyes. It’s well into the night – the heavy curtains are drawn, as usual, the grandfather clock is ticking away, and the electric light flickers ominously above her.

She herself is sprawled on the sofa, with her date’s head in her lap. Ah, yes. A night on the town, a few drinks (well, more than a few on her part)… she hopes he’d had a good time.

“In the drawing room,” she calls, lazily.

“Have you seen my book?”

Anna has seen lots of her housemate’s beloved books. So very many volumes she’s collected over the years – in her day, the emperor himself would be hard-pressed to afford such a selection. Still, she’s proud it was a German who invented the printing press and started the whole thing off.

“Which one?”

“Pride and Prejudice, volume three. It’s got a red-brown cover.”

von Kleve frowns, looks around herself, lifts up her date to check under him.

She grimaces.

If the book didn’t have a red cover to begin with, it certainly did now. She never intends for the whole biting-people-and-drinking-their-blood business to be messy, but it always ends up that way. Strange how that happens.

She quickly drops the man’s unconscious body back on top of the book, just as her housemate materialises in the doorway.

Catherine Parr sighs. “Seriously? What have I told you about putting down plastic when you bring your food home?”

“I know, but we get kind of… into it, you know? You know me, I live in the moment – well, not live, but… you get what I’m saying.”

“That’s the problem, hence, the need for plastic.”

A pause.

Anna knows what she’s about to say, and preempts her. “No, not your type. Not terrible, but he couldn’t talk about anything that wasn’t his football team.”

“Oh. A pity.” Another pause. “Have you seen my book, though?”

“No books here. Did you leave it at Seymour’s?”

Parr hums. “Possibly. I’ll visit later. It’s your job to get rid of the poor soul, though.”

“Yes, yes, personal responsibility and all that.”

Before Anna leaves, she tucks the first edition under the sofa cushions, and hopes her housemate doesn’t look that hard for her precious book.

~~~

The shovel plunges deep into the black, wet soil, and out again. In, out, in, out, methodical and practiced. The hole needs to be deep enough, and wide enough. She’s underestimated the size before, and that simply causes problems. There are bits that need to stay underground.

Once she is satisfied, and with great care, Jane Seymour places the rose bush into its new home.

Gardening might be considered an odd hobby for someone like her to have. Even if she rarely gets to see the fruits of her labour (which is most certainly a metaphor for something), it keeps her busy and helps her feel productive. It’s terribly easy to fall into a rut if you don’t have something to do, and caring for plants gives her plenty of that.

Just so long as they survive everything.

There is a loud bang from inside the house. Jane turns briefly, listening for something further, before she goes back to patting down the soil.

Another bang, followed by a crash.

Jane squeezes her eyes shut, and growls under her breath. That had better not be anything important.

Really, she should go in and stop them from doing any more damage, but they’d probably just ignore her like they usually do. Maybe you shouldn’t have your thrice-bedamned battle in the house, where there are things that you both like and are easily breakable all over the place. Is that such an unreasonable concept?

A third bang.

“For heaven’s sake,” she grumbles, and makes to get up, turning to her gardening tools. Initially, she shies away from some of them out of instinct, but… then again… this may the only way they’ll listen…

The fearsome duel is still going on when Jane reaches the hall.

One combatant has a name she knows well, mostly because she insists on using the whole thing whenever she is introduced. Catalina Trastámara de Aragón, former Spanish infanta. The other has gone by many different but similar names – Anna de Boullan, Anna Bolina, Nan Bullen, but she generally responds to ‘Anne’, so that’s what they go with.

Catalina has her hand around Anne’s neck, hoisting her up in the air, whilst Anne has a hold on Catalina’s arm, hissing up a storm. Another bang – Catalina slamming Anne against the wall – sends a cloud of dust trickling down on top of them.

Jane enters, in her gardening smock, boots too big for her, a straw hat (you must always wear a hat while gardening, though Jane isn’t sure why), and with a wooden gardening stake in each hand.

“Down! Both of you!”

Anne turns her head slightly, and her eyes widen when she sees what Jane’s holding. “Shit.”

This gets Catalina’s attention, too, but she manages to keep the quiet part quiet. She releases her grip, and Anne sinks to the floor.

“What are you doing?” Catalina recovers her regal demeanour, or at least part of it. “Have you gone quite mad?”

“Have you? Look at what you’re doing! What on earth is noble and queenly about repeatedly smacking your housemate into a wall?!” Jane stops to compose herself. “What is it this time? Territorial dispute? Long-standing grudge you refuse to talk about? Monopoly?”

“Anne? How many glasses would you say are in the sink?”

...No.

Anne rubs her neck. “Well, maybe less if you weren’t such a toff and drank like the rest of us.”

That can’t be right. Was that it?

“Unlike you, I like to keep some of my dignity about me.”

“Oh, don’t you fucking talk to me about dignity -”

Jane is between them in a blink. “Anne, do the bloody dishes.” Anne groans, probably at the unintended pun, but is interrupted. “We have the chore wheel for a reason. We have standards.”

“You’re no fun.”

“I know. Dishes now, fight later.”

Anne huffs, and stomps into the kitchen. Jane’s attention turns to Catalina, who is trying very hard to suppress the smug smile on her face.

“How many languages to you know, Catalina?” She already knows the answer to this question, but Catalina will happily tell her anyway.

“Five. Spanish, Latin, French, Greek, English.”

“Five languages, and you still don’t know how to use your words?”

Catalina simply stares at her.

“You would have been very upset if you knocked any of your paintings down, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, but we couldn’t take it outside. You would have been upset if we crushed your plants.”

“Well, that simply reinforces my point. Violence is very rarely the answer when it comes to who you live with.”

“You’re threatening me with a lethal weapon right now.”

Oh, right, she forgot about them. Jane looks down at the stakes, flinches again, and throws them unceremoniously to one side. “Fine. We all need to work on discussing things, and remember we all have our part to play. Anne’s doing the dishes now -” There’s a clatter from the kitchen – “I’ve been taking out the rubbish; can you tell me your royal responsibility, or do I have to check?”

Catalina’s eyes are everywhere but on Jane. She brushes a bit of powder off of her sleeve, and mumbles “Dusting.”

~~~

“Look what I found.”

Parr looks up. It is a whole entire person Anna has come to show off, which usually isn’t something Catherine needs to see – it does not pay to get attached. This girl has her long hair tied up, dyed an almost neon pink at the ends, and is clad in one of Anna’s oversized fur coats. She seems to be faltering under Parr’s gaze, trying to make herself look as small and insignificant as possible.

“I see no plastic in the drawing room,” Catherine says to von Kleve, as a warning.

“What? No! No, no, no. Not that. Big smile, Katie.”

The girl’s lips curl into a rictus grin, revealing a set of fangs not unlike Parr’s own.

“Oh!” Immediately, Catherine’s attitude shifts, and speaks with a soft, comforting voice (she hopes), “Okay, hello. I’m Catherine Parr, of the Westmorland Parrs, and this is Anna von Jülich-Kleve-Berg of the Holy Roman Empire. Neither of us are going to hurt you. Please, take a seat.”

She gestures to a nearby chair. The girl walks over to it, unsteady on her feet, and sits down.

“It’s been a bad week,” she mumbles.

“Tell us about it.”

“Well, it started with a night I couldn’t remember, which always freaks me out, and then I was really sick, and then I’m pretty sure I died – no, I did die… I died…” She goes quiet once more, aghast at the revelation.

“Found her ripping some dude’s throat out behind a nightclub,” Anna explains, then shrugs. “It happens.”

The girl shuts her eyes tightly, as if she is trying to block out the memory. Parr takes her hand, and gives it a gentle squeeze. “Katie, is it?”

“Or Kate. Or Kat, or Katherine – but, that’s you as well. I’m rambling.”

“That’s alright. The transition can be stressful. May I call you Kat?”

Kat nods.

“Good. Now, from what you’ve told us, it sounds like nobody explained to you how this works. What is it that you think is going on?”

“’M a vampire. Right?” Parr hums an affirmation, and Kat laughs, without humour. “And, because I’m a vampire, and I was going insane with how thirsty I was and because he wouldn’t stop talking and he kept touching me after I told him not to…” She looks to Anna. “That man. He was my boyfriend. I killed my boyfriend.”

It’s usually cold in the house, but it seems to get even colder after that statement.

While Catherine intimately knows the feeling of wanting to murder your former significant others (Thomas – Foul rake! Blackguard! She shall curse his name after death and beyond!), she is aware that this may not be the case for Kat. Most couples these days actually quite like each other – one need not rely on a husband to vote for them anymore, after all. She’s been looking out for someone like that, but she hasn’t found them yet. Maybe someday.

There have been so very many days…

Thankfully, Anna is there with a kind word, so she need not answer nor dwell on her failure to find love. It is just one word, however, and it is not spoken with great compassion.

“Condolences?”

Kat waves a hand, shakes her head. “The only good thing about dating Francis is – was – that he gave me a place to stay. Everything else… I don’t think anyone will be that upset he’s dead, put it that way.” Her voice drops to a whisper. “It was so easy. Too easy.”

Well, it’s good to know that nothing of value was lost, at least.

“Subtlety and control are the results of practice,” Catherine tells the girl, “and that will come, in time. Until then, since the one who turned you is not around to help, I humbly request that you allow us to assist you.”

“We have a spare room. Um. Not that you have to take it, or anything, but the option’s there -”

Kat cuts Anna off. Nobody’s had the gall to do that for centuries.

“Why are you doing this? Any of this?! You want something from me, don’t you? Otherwise, I’d still be out there, dealing with my boyfriend’s corpse! Be honest with me, please. What is it you want me to do?!”

She is looking into both of their eyes, searching for an ulterior motive like she knows it’s there – Parr gets that, unfortunately, and she’s disgusted that something has happened to the poor girl to prompt such suspicion and mistrust.

Catherine does not raise her voice, speaks calmly and carefully, just like she was taught. “We are not doing this in the hopes of a favour, or any material gain. We – or, at least, I – am behaving in this way because I want to see you turn out well. Perhaps there is a vain hope of a new friendship out of this, but that is the loftiest of my wishes, and you should not feel obligated to fulfil it if you don’t want to.”

“You’re the most interesting thing that’s happened in at least a decade,” says Anna.

“But you’re vampires. Why are you helping a competitor?”

“Why not? Just because we’re bloodsucking monsters doesn’t mean we can’t be nice about it. Plenty of fish in the sea.”

“Okay. Okay. In that case… might I ‘humbly request’… a hug, please?”

~~~

“How do you feel about it?”

Catalina does not turn away from her painting; yet another Spanish vista. She has been told that the Inquisition is over, that she can return for a holiday, but there is no doubt in her mind that what is there now must be wildly different from what she remembers. The latter is what she puts to canvas, to show off what she knows, what mortal eyes can no longer see.

“You shall have to be more specific,” she says to Anne, her voice clipped.

“You know.” She refuses to give Anne the satisfaction of looking at her, but she can feel the fluttering eyelashes, the lazy grin, just from her cadence. “Us. What we have.”

“What on earth are you implying?”

“That thing we do. The one where I press all your buttons, and you beat the shit out of me. Great way to work out that tension, yeah? But then there’s Jane – Plain Insane Jane – putting stakes in our faces and telling us to end it.”

“Would you have listened to her if she hadn’t?”

“Nah.” No hesitation whatsoever. No hint of shame. “But it’s fun. Don’t you think so?”

…Frankly, Catalina does not know. She knows it is not a healthy way of relieving stress. She knows Jane is justified in her motivations to stop it, if not her methods (though both of them make it difficult for her to use a softer touch).

But, if she is truly honest with herself, she likes to feel powerful sometimes. Yes, she is powerful when compared to a regular human – but that was true when she was alive, too. Now, she is no longer in the line of succession, she is no longer a princess. She is ‘just’ a vampire, and that fact irks her more than it should.

But she doesn’t tell Anne any of that. She puts her brush down, and turns to the source of her self-reflection. She’s hanging in the air, as if she were watching Catalina from an invisible sofa.

“You’ve been out drinking, haven’t you?”

Their kind can, in fact, get drunk. It’s more of a roundabout process than it is for mortals – one must find someone that’s absolutely cup-shotten, take them somewhere quiet, and… share their blood alcohol content. Catalina knows this because Anne is a master of the process.

“Of course I have!” Anne replies, with a funny sort of smile. “That’s why you go out, why Jane goes out. To have a drink!”

Oh, she definitely has been. She’s wearing the silly spectacles again, the ones where you can’t see her eyes properly.

“I’m not having this conversation with you while you’re out of your wits,” Catalina carefully enunciates.

“I always have my wits. Do you even listen to my jokes, princess?”

“You’re drunk.”

“And? You don’t talk when I’m sober, you won’t talk when I’m toxed – what is it that you need me to be for you to be honest?”

There is a knock at the door, and Jane’s voice comes through loud and clear. “Catalina? We have a guest.”

That’s interesting. They don’t often have guests – well, not ones that aren’t ‘invited for dinner’, and Jane likes to keep that private, if it’s her. It can’t be Parr or von Kleve; Jane would have said as much.

Perhaps it is someone important, she thinks, and immediately her mood sours.

“Who do you think it is?” Anne asks.

“I don’t know. All I ask is that you don’t make a complete fool of yourself.”

“And what if I do?”

“Then I take no responsibility for your actions.”

“She’s very new, apparently,” Jane tells them, and she is doing only a slightly better job than Anne at holding in her excitement. “She doesn’t remember who turned her. Cathy thinks it’s Thomas, but you know how she is.”

Yes, Catalina does. Thomas may be responsible for a lot of things, but if he showed his face in this part of town, he’d probably find himself dismembered by his very angry ex-wife.

They reach the top of the staircase. Below them, on the ground level, Cathy is speaking quietly to – good Lord! That woman’s hair is pink! How is it that vibrant a shade?!

Anne gasps in delight. “A baby! You’ve found a little baby, Cathy!”

“I’m not a baby. I’m nineteen.”

“Exactly. Two-digit age. Baby.”

“I apologise for her conduct,” Catalina sighs. “Someone had a bit too much to drink, and she had too much of them. I am Catalina Trastámara de Aragón.”

“And I’m Anne. Sometimes.”

The girl blinks. Probably thrown off by that introduction. “Oh-kay. Uh, well, I’m Kat Howard. Katherine, actually, but you see how that will cause problems. I’m moving in with Cathy and Anna, and Anna thought it might be good to introduce myself.”

There is an image of vampires being solitary creatures, living in ruined castles and moping about in their every waking hour. It’s not untrue, but Catalina hated it when she had a go. Eternity? With no-one around her? What torture!

No. Ever since she found Jane sobbing in front of her own grave, since Anne had her chance encounter with a Spanish princess, she’s resolved never to be alone again. She shall, of course, extend that invitation to this new girl.

It’s practically her duty.

“I’m pleased to make your acquaintance, Kat.”

~~~

Vampires own nightclubs.

That makes sense, right? They only operate at night, they attract a crowd, many people there aren’t expecting to remember what happened there, only that they had a good time and feel terrible in the morning, if they make it that far.

Well, Anna doesn’t own a nightclub. She owns a chain of 24-hour off-licences. But, she can hypnotise the bouncer into letting them in, so that’s alright.

The music thrums in place of Kat’s heart as she watches the mass of bodies swaying and jumping with absolutely no sense of rhythm. Coloured lights flash, the DJ plies his trade, glasses clink and sweat permeates the air.

Anna is watching only her.

“See anyone?”

Kat scans the crowds, a grim expression on her face. “No-one looks particularly appetising.”

“Well, of course they don’t. We’re not looking for the cream of the crop here, we’re looking for someone who deserves it.”

Kat leans her head on her hand. Anna told her she could come to her for anything – so, Kat had, when she started to feel hungry again, and so Anna planned this little night out.

“There are two choices,” she’d said. “Either you pick someone out yourself, or you go mad with hunger and some other poor sod ends up like your boyfriend.”

“You’re sure of that?” Kat questioned.

“Oh, yeah. I speak from experience – I’ve always regretted what happened to the Duke of Lorraine…”

Anna had refused to say anything more about that.

Kat has… mixed feelings about what happened with Dereham. Okay, she’s horrified that she murdered him, but she doesn’t feel bad that she wiped that arrogant look from his eyes for a few seconds (before he, you know, died). He didn’t care that she was sick, didn’t answer her texts when she told him her reflection had vanished, or that she was bleeding from her eyes – and as soon as he got back from his work trip, he dragged her to a nightclub to ‘show her off’ and pretended nothing was wrong…!

…Okay, she’s getting a bit heated. The man’s funeral was three days ago. No point in holding a grudge, now.

“What about that one?”

Kat follows Anna’s gaze. A man is swaggering over to the bar with a confidence that nothing about him implies he’s earned. She gets the feeling this man used to be handsome, or liked, and no-one has told him otherwise just yet.

“Dunno. Maybe.”

“Do you want me to stay?”

Kat automatically bites her lip, before remembering that’s probably a bad idea now. She doesn’t want to be alone, exactly, but at the same time…

“Is it alright if you hang out slightly further away?” She asks. “If I need your help, I’ll laugh really loudly.”

Anna smiles in acknowledgement, nods, and wanders off. Kat might be wrong, but she seems almost gleeful.

Thankfully (or not), the once-handsome man notices her staring, and saunters over. Kat’s skin crawls.

“Hey.”

Kat gives a small, brief smile in return.

“You here alone?”

She risks a quick glance over to Anna – she still has an eye on her. Kat isn’t alone. “Yeah. Just… needed to get out, you know?”

“I do.” He smirks, points to himself. “Henry. You know Tudor Real Estate?” She does, and the man grins at the recognition she must be showing. “I’m the co-owner.”

Kat doesn’t want to say the wrong thing, but this guy has only a passing resemblance to the man on the ‘for sale’ signs.

“Must be an important job,” she tries.

“Very. My brother relies on me for a lot.” Oh, okay, he’s the brother. Wait, the brother she’d read articles about? The one who got acquitted last year? “Sometimes I just need to blow off some steam, you know? Have some fun. Speaking of, can I buy you a drink or two?”

Wow. That look in his eyes. He clearly hasn’t changed as much as the judge thought he had.

“I don’t drink… alcohol.”

He scoffs. “Listen. You heard how important I am, right? Nothing will happen to you without my say-so. We can have fun if you just let me help you.”

This man is made of red flags, isn’t he? A blind woman could see the warning signs. He’s a creep with overly-inflated self-esteem, seems to have spent his whole life getting everything he’s ever wanted…

And that means he’s perfect.

“I guess you’re right,” she says, quietly. She doesn’t have to fear his kind any more. “I am here for a good time. If you’re offering…”

Henry grins. “Anything you want, babe! Name it, and it’s yours!”

“Anything?” Money and connections won’t protect you from me.

“Anything at all, princess.”

“Hmm…” Kat makes a show of looking him up and down. Yes, this is the one. “Maybe we can take this somewhere private?”

Henry is clearly thrilled at the prospect. He grabs her hand, roughly (though Kat is sure she could break his arm if the need arose), and leans in close.

“I know just the place.”

He leads her away, to a location where there are no witnesses, no-one to save him. From across the club, Anna gives her a thumbs up.

Kat returns the gesture.

She comes in the front door with her phone in her hand. Henry has a Wikipedia page. Not very long, pretty much goes on about his brief stint in custody and that he’s Arthur Tudor’s brother.

Or, was. They might have to change the tense, soon.

Cath is on the sofa, chatting quietly with… Kat wants to say… Jane…? Yeah, Jane sounds right. She’s friendly enough, but always seems like she’s on her second-last nerve.

“How did it go?” Cath asks.

Anna grins. She’s been like this all night, and Kat feels conflicted about all the praise she’s received.“Oh, fantastic! Kat was a natural; that idiot fell for it hook, line, and sinker.”

“Turns out I have a vendetta against people who can’t take ‘no’ for an answer,” Kat adds.

Parr’s smile grows sharp, but her eyes still sparkle. “Well, there won’t be any shortage of those. Come, sit with us.”

So, Kat does. The things they speak of are so normal, Kat is initially confused. Jane’s gardening is a topic of discussion, as is Cath’s ever-expanding collection of stuff she finds interesting. When Jane asks about Kat’s “little slate-thing”, they both listen with rapt attention at her explanation of modern technology.

Kat had forgotten what it’s like to have people listen. It’s a shame she had to die to experience it.

~~~

“Yes, I’ve received a notice recently about outstanding bills owed – no, no, don’t shut off the – listen to me. The account has been paid in full. Enter that into the system. Okay, great. Thanks for that – no, no, everyone makes mistakes. Alright, bye.”

Anne hangs up. Great, power bills are sorted.

Contrary to popular opinion, she actually does do her share of work around the house. Yeah, the dishes are her least favourite task. Vampires shouldn’t have to do the dishes. But, that doesn’t stop her from helping in other ways.

She’s just about to start dialling the telephone company, when there is a knock at the door. Few are brave enough to do that at this place. As she stalks over, she wonders if it might a debt collector – if it is, that means she can have a snack, too.

The heavy oaken door swings open with an agonising creak, and the eyes of the figure on the other side glow in the evening gloom.

Oh, it’s that pink-haired girl. Katie, maybe? Anne can’t actually remember her name, and at this point she’s too afraid to ask.

“Hi.” The girl waves slightly. “Can I come in?”

Do you really want to? Anne thinks, but she says, “Uh, sure.”

With a sigh of relief, Kiara steps over the threshold.

“Apparently I called you a baby last time you were here,” Anne says. “Sorry about that. That’s not fair to you, and you don’t scare the shit out of me like an actual vampire infant would. But, I’m guessing you’re not here for an apology.”

Kitty smiles awkwardly. “Uh, no. I’m here to try and fix your computer. Um, the little television-box-thing you never use?”

“Oh! That! Yeah, I never knew how to get that thing working.”

“Yeah, no promises,” Kelly says, “but Jane thought it might help you… connect.”

That really gets Anne’s attention. She’s not surprised it was Jane who told her, because of the way Kim described the computer, but that part about connecting.

Anne wants honesty, for once. If Kat (that sounds right) is offering, she will take it.

To Anne’s surprise (and shame), Kat is able to get la machine infernale up and running in just a few minutes. She explains the mouse, the monitor, and the programs built into the operating system. The computer is not to get wet, nor is it to be fed. Do not sacrifice anything to it in an attempt to make it work properly.

Why Kat felt the need to include that instruction is a mystery, but it was probably necessary.

“Now, I had this whole speech with my step-grandma – back when I talked with my family – and I’ll give the same to you. Don’t believe everything you read on the internet. A lot of it’s lies, or personal opinion. On that note, not everyone you talk to is who they say they are. Don’t do things like send money or give out personal details if someone asks, and don’t meet with someone without people around.”

“Okay, I’m absolutely going to do that last one – but for the rest of them? Sure!”

Kat genuinely smiles. Wow, when was the last time Anne did that, and didn’t eat the person afterwards? Must have been ages, because it feels like she’s come across an oasis after months in a desert.

“So,” she goes on, “what exactly is the internet? I know I pay the bill for it -” ‘pay’ is a strong word - “but I don’t actually know what it entails.”

“Okay, well, you know… books?”

“Yes.”

“You know the television?”

“Yeeesss.”

“You know those coffee shops where people yelled at each other about philosophy, in the eighteenth century?”

“Yep, yep, yep.” Even though she was never invited, the sexist pricks.

“The internet is all of those things together,” Kat explains, “but worse.”

Anne gasps. “I love it already.”

The room is dark. No lights, curtains shut. The only source of light is the faint white glow of the monitor.

The internet is, as Kat had warned, a shitshow. Anne thinks it’s just the best thing. University professors and the lowest common denominator share the same spaces, and send vile, scathing messages to one another over fictional characters. Maybe she should do some research, just so she can play along. It’d be just like her days at court, getting one person at another’s throat, playing them off each other… ah, she misses that, if nothing else. It’s just not the same, now.

Oh, but then there are the videos. Little mortal Anne would never have thought it possible. What an idea! What awful and wonderful things humans create when they’re not being killed!

Anne’s exploration is interrupted when the light from the hallway fills the room.

“Ah. So you haven’t left.”

Catalina? Come to check on her? Anne turns – yes, it is her, likely wondering why her evening hasn’t been ruined yet. Or, maybe not. Anne has a terrible habit of putting words in other people’s mouths.

“You haven’t been downstairs this evening,” Her housemate continues. “Jane was worried about you.”

Anne doubts that’s true. Not that Jane doesn’t worry, she worries about almost everything (who cares if her teeth show when she smiles?), but she would be thrilled to know Anne is being quiet.

“Just looking at things,” Anne mumbles.

“Hm. Ominous. What ‘things’?”

Well, the best way to explain would be to show, right?

Anne plays the video. Normal night sky, a deep navy. Then, violet, then orange, and the fiery sun rises over the horizon, accented by the crimson heavens.

There’s a thump from behind her. Catalina has flattened herself against the opposite wall, eyes wide, fangs bared.

“I will not die so easily, Boleyn!” she snarls. “I’ve survived assassination attempts before, and I’ll do it again!”

“I’m not trying to kill you, girl! It’s a video! Do you almost die every time you put the sun in one of your paintings? Because that would be a much bigger problem than me showing you this.”

She presses the button to make the video play once more, and makes a show of standing in front of the screen, conspicuously not combusting.

Catalina stares at her. Then, at the monitor. She approaches, slowly.

“Can you make it go again?”

Anne does. The sun is reflected in Catalina’s eyes for the first time in over five hundred years.

“…I miss it, sometimes.”

Oh God, it’s happening, Anne thinks. Out loud, she says, “Miss what?”

“The sunrise.” From the sound of her voice, calm and quiet, Anne gets the impression Catalina’s not really here. “My home. My family. It doesn’t matter how far away I am, in years or in miles. They’re gone, and the name Trastámara means nothing.”

Oh, that’s it. Of course it is.

Anne did not what it was like to be a princess in the early 1400s, partially because she wasn’t born yet. She knows from her own experiences with Whatever the Fuck the Sun King Was Playing At that the nobility was constantly having to be perfect at all times; not even a twitch of emotion could play upon your face, even as you drain all your resources to support the near-impossible standards of fashion, or it could easily be all for naught.

She’s just been thinking, maybe, something like that might be why Catalina has the sort of aversion to talking about her emotions that would normally be reserved for holy symbols.

“Catalina. You’re not a princess anymore.”

Catalina sneers, all traces of vulnerability gone. “Yes, you have taunted me about that many times before.”

“Not a taunt.” Sometimes. “A reminder you no longer have to try and be perfect. I’m not gonna tell any peers of the realm if you feel sad sometimes.”

“So you feel the need to drive me to madness in the hopes I accept your view?”

Okay, so maybe Anne’s been a little coarse. In fairness, she tried passive-aggressive behaviour and it didn’t work. There’s a reason she goes after Catalina, and it’s not just because it’s easy.

Anne points to herself. “Unstoppable force.” To Catalina. “Immovable object. You move, I stop.”

“…Right. Okay.” A pause. “I know, logically, that you are right – about that particular thing. But, it makes me feel like I’m ignoring part of myself.”

“Just have the good without the bad. If the King of Spain has anything to say about it, kill him and rule the country as their immortal god-queen.”

“I would never be so rash,” Catalina huffs. “I’ll try. Just… don’t mock me for it. If I’m keeping at least one good thing about my life, it will be threatening anyone who insults me with imprisonment.”

“Yessssss…”

Both Anne and Catalina jump at the voice from outside the room. Anne acts first – she opens the door a crack, and sees Jane’s eye on the other side.

“You’ve been at it for two hundred years,” Jane says. “Two. Hundred. Years. I don’t care if you don’t get along straight away, let me have this.”

And, fearing her ire, they do.

~~~

Anna’s on the roof again.

There are two main reasons for this. One, her room is in the attic and it’s the easiest way out of the house. Two, it’s a good place to sit, look up at the stars (at least the ones you can still see, anyway) and think about things.

Kat is on her right, arms around her knees, looking up at the moon. Anna does not think she’s paying much attention to it, however.

“Whatcha thinking about?”

Kat doesn’t answer straight away. “Just how things are better.”

“…They are?”

“I’m living… uh, residing in a house with people I actually like. This is the first time that’s happened since I was about eight, I think.”

Wow. Anna hadn’t had a terribly good time when she was alive – no rights, no fun allowed, go marry some dude you’ve never even met, and no you can’t have fun then either – but Kat’s life might beat out Cathy’s hopeless search for love, in terms of tragedy.

“I cannot truly speak for you, but I have found this…” Anna waves her hands, trying to find the right way to put it, “whole thing to be very affirming. There is no-one to hold you down. No-one to stop you from doing what you like. Well, except priests, but they can be ignored, mostly.”

“You don’t brood about it too much?”

“Why would I? It’s the only reason I’ve been able to see the things I’ve seen. To be here, now, talking to you.” All because she told the wrong (or right) person about how bored she was. Of course she would accept the offer to have fun, even if the whole process wasn’t. “Do you?”

Kat stops to think again, so that’s a ‘yes’. “I’m still getting used to it. But, I don’t mind it. I’m not scared of the things I used to be afraid of. That’s good, right?”

“Sounds good to me. But, if you falter, that’s okay, too. We have supported Cathy, who was the youngest before you, we can do the same here – so long as you support us in turn.”

“Oh, yeah. She’s got that thing about finding the one.” How does Kat manage to fit so much bitterness in only two words? “Don’t get it. She’s got people who love her already. You, and those three around the corner. She doesn’t need them.”

“That’s a very good way of putting it, actually.” Anna’s argument against serious dating has been that three of the people Parr’s courted have tried to murder her, and her ex-husband technically succeeded. It hasn’t worked, but maybe a more positive viewpoint might win out against two centuries of stubbornness.

“Anna von Kleve.”

von Kleve looks down. Ah, speak of the devil. She’s on the balcony below them.

“Cathy! Kat has had some good thoughts about love!”

“Oh? How wonderful.”

She doesn’t seem like she thinks it is, though. She almost looks angry, with the hard eyes and pursed lips and the red-brown mottled book in her hand -

Oh no.

“I think, Anna,” Cathy intones, her voice sharper than any stake, “that we should talk about personal responsibility first.”

#the cradle will write #six the musical #not the historical figures #but that won't stop me making references to them

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spacesunflcwer · 5 years

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reasons why i love pride & prejudice, specifically the 1995 adaptation

(ok when i started this i was going for a list of reasons but it ended up more like live commentary of the series oops)

it's so accurate???!? i read the book for the first time after having seen the miniseries like 4 times and i was stunned by how identical the dialogue was

"oH mr bEnNEt"

literally all of mr and mrs bennet's dialogue is hilarious. she's such a drama queen and he's just there like please shut up but also sassy

mr darcy at the first ball is literally like a socially awkward emo teenager who hates everything whose mum (mr bingley) is encouraging to be more social and make friends lmao

when mr darcy compliments lizzy's eyes to miss bingley and she's so offended..... she's like wtf fitzwilliam how dare you appreciate a peasant??!?

elizabeth "i promise i shall never dance with [mr darcy]" bennet hahaha think again lizzy

when jane gets invited by miss bingley and mrs bennet is like go on horseback because it looks like raining so you'll spend the night lmao this woman is ready to do anything to see her daughters married huh

all the awkward encounters between elizabeth and darcy when she goes to netherfield like when she walks into the biliard room and they just stare at each other until she leaves lmao

that scene when they're all in the drawing room and miss bingley is like let's go for a walk around the room to refresh ourselves lmao people in the 19th century were really bored huh

the amount of tension between lizzy and darcy when they have that conversation about pride sksksksks

mrs bennet sure knows how to throw shade (at darcy) lmao

MR COLLINS

i really dislike him because he's so annoying but he's also so stupid and full of himself in a funny way it's hilarious i love it lmao

i literally lose it every time he mentions lady catherine de bourgh which is A LOT

just the tone in his voice when he says is so funny to me

for real why didn't mr collins go for mary she's literally the female equivalent of him like.....

oh wait i know why misogyny lmao

you know, i'm not going to talk about wickham because fuck him

the netherfield ball!!!!!

when miss bingley goes up to lizzy to diss wickham and lizzy looks so ready to cut a bitch lmao

when mr collins goes up to darcy to talk about lady catherine and lizzy and jane are like oh god oh fuck someone stop him shit it's too late and then darcy is like *read at 7:39pm* ajsnsjsks

ok but when mrs hurst goes and plays the piano that was amazing i don't like her but that was really good

mr collins's proposal. just. when he's like "let me tell you the reasons why i want to marry. and then the reasons why i want to marry you specifically" like pull out a whole powerpoint presentation why don't you

oh and OF COURSE lady catherine de bourgh is amongst the reasons ("that should have been the first reason actually")

when lizzy says no for like the second time and he's like "ah but a lot of times women refuse when they really mean to accept" unfortunately not much has changed in the way of men has it, no means no!!!

"if you do not accept his proposal, your mother will never see you again. and if you do accept his proposal, i will never see you again" i'd forgotten how much i love mr bennet he's so great

when lizzy finds out he proposed to charlotte and charlotte accepted and she's like BITCH WHAT THE FUCK

literally fuck miss bingley what a bitch. let jane be happy!!! fuck you

oh my g o d when they go to visit charlotte and mr collins and he starts going on about the STAIRS and how their steepness is ideal and the closet in lizzy's and how lady catherine suggested they put shelves in and cOuSiN eLIzAbEth LoOk hOw prAcTicAL iT iS laDy cAthEriNe tHinKs oF evErYtHinG shE's sO gOod tO uS

lmao when charlotte is like yeah i like my life most days we barely even see each other

when they go to rosings park and mr collins won't shut up about the 64 windows of the house and how amazing they are

lmao when lady catherine asks lizzy something and then turns away and lizzy CONTINUES TALKING and lady catherine just turns slowly like bitch wtf did i allow you to keep talking

when darcy won't stop STARING AT HER (because he's so in love) and she's there like wtf

the scene at the piano omg the amount of romantic tension between them and the staring at each other again god help me i love them so much

lmfao when mr darcy randomly visits lizzy and just sits with her for like 5 minutes and then gets up and leaves mood tbh

i will never get tired of the love confession scene tbh he goes in and literally walks around the room sits down gets up walks around some more for like 5 minutes before he finally starts talking

"in vain i have struggled. it will not do. my feelings will not be repressed. you must allow me to tell you how ardently i admire and love you."

and then elizabeth is like bitch what the fuck and pulls out a 40 slide powerpoint on why she could never love him

which was completely justified of her btw. darcy was a dick back then

the sequence at the beginning of ep4 when they're both having flashbacks to what the other said lol

also when lizzy has those flashbacks where darcy's full face just randomly appears out of nowhere like a ghost yeah what the fuck was up with that it’s SO WEIRD

when they go dine at rosings for the last time and lizzy is full on sarcasm about how oh so sad she is to be leaving and oh so grateful to lady catherine and mr collins loses his shit because he thinks she's being serious lmao

honestly though when she's all dramatic about darcy to maria but without actually saying anything and maria is just like ok wtf but whatever i guess, and then she does that again to her aunt and uncle when they're at pemberley and she's all like wE hAvE tO LeAVe nOw and they're just there like ummm ok?? what just happened here. i mean this is a thing that she does frequently and idk i'm wondering how her general acquaintance feel about it. like every once in a while she'll go all dramatic and everyone is like oh there goes lizzy dramatising her life and not explaining anything to anyone, again

lmao when maria tells her she's been packing and unpacking all night and lizzy tells her she can pack it however she wants and lady catherine will never know. like yes maria you are a strong independent woman and can pack your suitcase however you please

when lydia gets invited to brighton oh noooooooooooooo

time for kitty to develop her own personality i guess lol

i will never get tired of elizabeth only deciding to go to pemberley because she's 100% she won't run into darcy and then she does

also when they're staring at the house and she's like damn that is a nice ass house

i love how bad the paintings of darcy inside the house are because everyone is look how beautiful he is! and what a realistic painting this is! and then they show it and you laugh at loud because that shit is UGLY and nowhere near like colin firth

i still don't understand why darcy jumped in that pond. was it because he was trying to clear his head to not think about elizabeth? was this something he did regularly on his way home?

on that note, if he did it to forget about elizabeth it was pretty unfortunate for him that he literally ran into her 5 seconds later lol

HIS LACK OF SOCIAL SKILLS NEVER CEASE TO AMUSE ME

"are your parents well?" "yes" *1min later* "and your parents? are they well? and your sisters?" and ofc lizzy laughs at him

ok what i still don't understand is how when darcy returns suddenly he's all smooth and talkative and keeps the conversation well and alive and just what?? he went from 0 to 100 real quick in terms of social skills and i Do Not Understand

omg the next day when him and bingley and georgiana go the inn to meet her and bingley starts talking to her and he's so HAPPY AND EXCITED and i love how he goes "yes we haven't seen each other since we danced at netherfield on the 26th of november". boy's been counting the days since he last saw jane and i love it. he's so in love

on that note of so in love, the way the scene immediately switches to show us darcy staring at elizabeth while she plays the piano with full-on HEART EYES ahhh i'm so soft for them

and then that BITCH caroline goes and mentions wickham and darcy panics because his sister is right there elizabeth IMMEDIATELY sees and knows and goes back to georgiana to help her and changes the subject

i really think darcy fell even more in love with her when he saw how well her and his sister got along, and how much she cared for georgiana, because he probably could never love anyone who didn't seeing how important georgiana is to him

and then it just shows elizabeth and darcy staring at each other like this 💘💖💗💖💕💗💖💘💖💘 total heart eyes

when caroline basically roasts him for being in love with liking elizabeth and he just snaps at her and says she's the most beautiful woman he knows GET REKT CAROLINE

omg when lizzy gets jane's letter and is really upset and he tries his best to comfort her ahh my heart

"i will never see him again" YES LIZZY YOU WILL

mrs bennet's worst case scenarios... convinced mr bennet's going to fight wickham and wickham will kill him lmao

you know I WONDER where lizzy gets her dramatic airs from

when mr collins shows up and is all basically throwing shade at them and lizzy is just like ok then if we're so bad how about you leave so you don't have to be around us for any longer

like yes lizzy drag him!!!!

when they show us lydia and wickham in london and you can see wickham starting to get pissed off at lydia... looking like he's regretting all his life choices

which he should, btw. he made terrible life choices and they’re literally all his fault

when everything is (sort of) resolved and mrs bennet is like i knew everything would turn out well in the end! yeah SURE you did

when lydia and wickham come back and you can tell lizzy is so ready to fight

when lydia spoils that it was darcy who helped them and lizzy is like mr darcy?? did you just say mr darcy????

oh yeah also darcy taking all the blame for all that happened and insisting to pay for everything... i love one (1) wholesome responsible man

jk i love two (2) wholesome men because bingley

mr bingley and mr darcy came back to netherfield!!!!!!!!!

when they go to longbourn and darcy and lizzy just stare at each other the whole time. again

when darcy finally tells bingley he purposefully kept him and jane apart and admits that it was completely wrong of him. GROWTH

bingley still asks for darcy's blessing & darcy tells him he shouldn't need it & bingley replies that he would still rather have it. WE STAN A WHOLESOME & SUPPORTIVE MALE FRIENDSHIP

and then bingley just sprints to longbourn to propose to jane when most of them have barely woken up lmao

the scene when they're all sitting in the drawing room and mrs bennet is trying to get them to leave so it's just bingley and jane is so AWKWARD and funny lmao

"mama, why did you just wink at me??" "why would i wink at you kitty"

"actually now you mention it i need to talk to you about something UPSTAIRS!"

and then jane is happy :) finally :) jane deserves ALL the happiness :)

when lady catherine randomly shows up and just starts insulting their poverty lmao

while lizzy, kitty, and mrs bennet just stand there awkwardly

"your hall is too small" "so you call this a drawing room" "your west facing windows must be awful in the summer" ok boomer

and then proceeds to lose her shit at elizabeth while elizabeth just stands there

"he is a gentleman and i am a gentleman's daughter. we are equals" YOU TELL HER ELIZABETH

and then tells her she doesn't owe her anything which is just 19th century equivalent of go fuck yourself bitch

that whole scene was a big fuck you lady catherine de bourgh

and is probably one of the most iconic scenes in the show

when mr bennet calls up lizzy about how he's heard rumours that she's to be engaged to darcy and just finds it so funny and lizzy is just there like hahahahaha yeah that would be hilarious wouldn't it when she's probably just dying inside because darcy!!!! love of her life!!!!

no offense but the part when they go for a walk and confess their love to one another among other things is literally one of my favourite things ever

apart maybe from the piano heart eyes scene

it's just so soft

when he says he hates himself for the things he said the first time he proposed and can't believe that was thing

and that he's eternally grateful to her because he doesn't think he would ever have changed if it hadn't been for her

on that note, gotta appreciate the fact that this isn't one of those stories where girl meets guy who's a dick, girl proceeds to change dick guy into a nice guy. no, lizzy did not change him herself, and she literally refused to be around him for as long as he was rude and selfish and everything she stood against. he himself decided to change, yes because of her, because he loved her and wanted her to love him back, but ultimately he did all the necessary changes to his character by himself. and only then, only then did lizzy properly start loving him. so yeah, here's more proof of why pride & prejudice is one of the best and one of my favourite love stories :)

oh yeah also, about how darcy wanted her to love him back ; “one word from you will silence me forever” yes he was openly grateful to her for everything BUT he was also 100% ready to shut up and leave her alone and accept it if she said no again. because he is A GOOD WHOLESOME MAN WHO RESPECTS WOMEN AND KNOWS THAT NO MEANS NO YES I'M LOOKING AT YOU MR COLLINS GET ON DARCY'S LEVEL

anyway yes i love mr darcy A LOT

but seriously i have such high standards for men and for any future relationships i may be in because of p&p and mr darcy specifically lmao

anyway going back yes i love that scene it is precious

they're so in love and the way they look at each other is so soft and ugh i love them so much

"dearest, loveliest elizabeth"

my heart :,)

i can't believe they're not even holding hands in that scene

and then when mr bennet finds out he proposed to him and he's like bitch what the fuck because darcy??? this guy??? seriously???

as was jane, by the way

anyway wedding time!!!!!

"join this man, and this woman... and this man, and this woman"

we love a double wedding of the two best and most wholesome couples

lmao caroline and georgiana's faces at the wedding. fuck you too :)

when they walk out and they're so happy!!!!!! their smiles!!!!! aaaaahsjskssjajanj

for real colin firth's big smile in that scene is just,, precious,,

and then they kissed :)

ngl, one of the things i wish would have been included in the miniseries is the epilogue from the book... i loved it it was so happy and wholesome

anyway i love this book and this story and the 1995 miniseries and i need to reread the book

oh and also, the music in the miniseries is really good!! the theme song is literally perfect i love it so much

so yeah i love pride & prejudice :,) thank you jane austen for giving us this beautiful beautiful story

💖💖💖💘💘💘💗💗💗💕💕💕

#pride and prejudice #elizabeth bennet #fitzwilliam darcy #mr darcy #pride and prejudice 1995 #i love this story so much #in case you couldn't tell #spacesunflcwer

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an-american-whovian · 4 years

Text

• The Story Thus Far:

The Doctor recently lost Rose and then basically gets friend zoned by Donna Noble on Christmas. It's okay, tho', Martha Jones is there to be a rebound.

Coincidentally enough, I was going through a rebound, myself, when this series came out.

Martha was cool -- my rebound wasn't. (I, eventually, dumped her over FB messenger; she wasnt happy about it.)

• Once, Twice, Three Times a (New) Lady:

Poor Martha had to follow up the heartbreak that was Ten and Rose. Freema Agyeman doesn't get enough credit in DW lore as a great companion (which she most certainly is!).

Like, is she a rebound? Pfft -- duh! Fucking Ten takes her to a cheap version of he and Rose's first date. That's okay, tho', because 'Gridlock' makes fer a dope ass episode.

• I Got Ahead of Myself, Again:

Before Martha comes along with her puppy dog eyes -- Catherine Tate's Donna is introduced. 'The Runaway Bride' is yer typical corny as fuck Christmas special; but the chemistry between Tennant and Tate is so dope you can put that ALL aside. (Anything is better than 'The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe'. That shit is painful.)

Lastly, love how at the end she rebuffs the Doctor's invitation to come along the TARDIS. Yet tells him that he still needs to find someone else to join him.

So good.

• Let's Get the 💩 Out of the Way:

'The Shakespeare Code' is too corny fer its own good. That Dalek two parter ALMOST ruins them forever. More importantly, what's with the pig faced henchmen!? Didn't we already have those in 'Aliens of London'!?

'The Lazarus Experiment' is kinda B-movie fun (but just BARELY).

'42'? Just four words, "Fuck you, Chris Chibnall".

• Space Police Rhinos Rule:

'Smith & Jones' is up there as one of my favorite series openers. Right away yer properly introduced to Martha and her family; the Doctor is running around being the Doctor. The Judoon are, like, so legit.

Those motorcycle henchmen are kinda dumb, tho'. Like, could they not afford a better look fer them. I do LOVE that the villain is an English 'Golden Girl' who sucks people's blood with a straw. Fucking gold.

Did I mention I love 'Gridlock'? You get a brief look at the Macra and that Face of Boe appearance at the end is SO DOPE. Enigmatic as fuck.

'Human Nature'/'The Family of Blood' is up there as ONE OF THE BEST Doctor Who two parters -- all time. I'll fight anyone about it. Like, the Doctor turns human and falls in love -- NOT WITH MARTHA, THO', 'CAUSE SHE'S TOO BUSY DEALING WITH RACISTS BIGOTS! It's just beautiful.

• Yer Gonna Wanna Fight Me About This One:

'Blink' is overrated. THERE I SAID IT! Like, it's a good story and all. However, some people put it up there in the top 5 stories of all time -- and I can't agree.

• That Time I Was Introduced to Scissor Sisters:

I think it can be said that series three ends in a three parter. It's pretty epic. The return of the Master is great. John Simm is pure manic camp. Captain Jack is back ready to bang everyone -- that's always cool. Although, at the end when they all "think" about the Doctor to save the day, he looks like he's gonna legit jizz himself. 💦

Then you get Martha kinda nicely(?) dumping the Doctor (at least it wasn't through FB messenger) and then the Titanic crashes into the TARDIS.

(Or he, also, briefly meets his Fifth regeneration somewhere in there. Depends how yer watching it.)

• Allons-y:

A step down from series one and two -- but there's A LOT still to love. I wanna like that Dalek two parter, but I cant. The American accents are terrible and that Dalek/Human hybrid with penises on his face doesn't do it fer me.

Also, fuck Chris Chibnall.

Aside from all that: a really impressive series with a VERY UNDERRATED companion.

Certified Freshly Squeezed.

#doctor who #an american whovian #dw #whovian #review #nuwho #the tenth doctor #david tennant #martha jones #freema agyeman #donna noble #catherine tate #series three #series 3 #the master #john simm #the face of boe #captain jack harkness #john barrowman

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kintsugi-sheep · 4 years

Text

Your Own Battle

I couldn’t focus on the president’s speech. Even if I could, I wouldn’t have cared anyway. The battery at the other end of the stage, with its neon blue radiance and near-imperceptible hum, had secured my attention. Up until:

"And now, the Cobalt Eagle, the Hero of the Cloudtrench Massacre, and my distinguished father, Flavius Chisholm!"

When those words left Gregor’s Mouth I was amazed, in that second, how grateful I was that I wouldn't be joining Catherine in Paradise, sipping martinis on a loveseat made of the finest clouds the angels could fabricate. It'd break her heart to know she raised such a hollow piece of shit.

The cheers and applause of the audience shook everything around me. And as my daughter, Samantha, rolled me out onto the stage, the roaring became painful. I could feel the bones in my arms vibrating, and when I turned to the flashing cameras, I was back in the sky. My sagged skin tightened, goosebumps crawling along my upper arms, and what hairs I had left—mostly on my body, the stress took the last of my pompadour two years earlier—stood at attention. There was darkness and thunder and lightning. The vultures howled as they tore my comrades from the skies. In the dark, it was easier to tell who’d died. Whether their eyes shone blue, violet, green, or red, the light always faded at death. Like watching the lights of a Christmas tree die, and seeing the lightbulbs plummet thousands of feet.

The hum of the battery continued.

Sweet Samantha pushed up to no less than two dozen microphones, each shortened so that I could see above them. In spite of my declining vision, I focused the best I could over the crowd.

In the front row stood McCullough’s widow; I recognized her from the pictures her husband always shoved in the faces of the guys at camp. I didn’t know why he felt so secure showing off his wife to the rest of us while he only ever showed us the rest of his family once. That’s how I recognized the man with his arm around the widow McCullough’s waist as his younger brother.

I reached into the breast pocket of my uppermost coat, looking for the notecards of the speech my son had prepared for me. It’s funny. In spite of having never met or engaged in correspondence with me while I was away, he claimed to know exactly what I, a hero of the Cloudtrench Massacre, should say.

Me, the fifty-year-old veteran who’d been sold on the dignity of fighting for your tribe before my formal education was even finished. Who now sat on stage, sweltering beneath a dense fur coat adorned with metals of all colors. Who was too wracked be the repercussions of our people’s magic to feed, bathe, dress, or wipe myself any more.

The hum of the battery continued.

I searched in the breast pocket of my second coat and found the speech. At the sight of the little white notecards, the crowd started cheering again. Thankfully, in spite of ow war ad ravaged my body, I had retained enough muscle strength to roll my eyes.

I scanned the crowd again and my eyes locked with a man near the front. He had to have been my age, though you probably couldn’t guess it. He was overweight, no doubt fat from the comfort of the sacrifices of other men, of braver men, of me and my comrades. As I sat there, my giant coats concealing my mummified body, I wasn’t really jealous. Having had my stomach scratched out by a vulture, I found that it was harder for me to put on weight.

I tried to begin speaking, but rasped, then coughed, then nearly choked on my saliva before sweet Samantha came to pat my back. After twenty more seconds of me hacking into the microphones, admittedly putting on a bit of a performance, I made it clear that I was fine.

The crowd started cheering again.

The hum of the battery continued. I turned to face it this time, made eye contact with something, and returned to my notecards. It was too late. Now I could truly hear it.

The words of the speech were exactly the vapid shlock you’d expect from a man who wanted to use his estranged war veteran father’s reputation to help secure himself a fourth term as president. I often wondered if the boy was mine. Samantha, on the other hand, definitely wasn’t. Anyone with two eyes and half a brain could see that.

Ricky had half a brain. Not that he needed the other half. Some twisted ritual cost him a half of what was behind his eyes, but it let him cast the most amazing spells. Shapeshifting into demons, controlling shadows, using fear as sustenance, all of it was pretty impressive. He just had to make sure to perform a ritual of gratitude to whatever profaned deity gave him his powers every midnight.

We pushed Ricky to get drunk with us one night. He passed out five minutes early. He was a husk when we woke up in the morning.

I wondered if he’d forgiven me. Looking over at the battery—looking into the battery, into its light—I could see him. “No” his mouth seemed to say. Maybe that wasn’t directed to me. Maybe he was having a bad time.

It sounded like a bad time.

I found a boy, no older than twelve, holding a flag on a pole nearly twice his height. The Colors of Liberation would look nice being waved energetically, rather than perched against his shoulder while the little brat stared blankly at his phone.

Genevieve had a son. She would wake us up every morning with a big, wet kiss on the cheek. Sometimes the guys would stay in bed so that she’d come by and kiss them. It was hilarious when the general would come by to wake them up instead.

She propositioned me one night. I refused, being married. But, as I read the words written by the salesman that was my son Gregor and the beloved daughter who wasn’t mine gingerly rested her hands on my shoulders, I wished that I had accepted her offer.

The way I’d rehearsed the speech, I didn’t study the words. The words were crap anyway. Instead, I’d focused on delivery.

“You can sell anything,” Johannes had said to me, “if you say it the right way. It don’t even have to say the right thing, just say it the right way.”

Johannes said that pretty early on. When I thought about it later, I’d realized that Johannes was probably the first one to realize that we were being lied to. The promises of victory were never met, since a peace treaty was signed. The promises of distinction were pretty unimportant, considering the ninety-five percent fatality rate. The levels of safety in the spells we used, the frequency at which letters were delivered, the assurance that no civilians would be swept into this conflict, all of it was bullshit.

All except one thing.

I couldn’t help but turn to the battery again, Johannes’ face swirling in a pool of our comrade’s essences. The reward of being an icon in this life and the next was the only true thing we were told. And the misery on his face made it clear it wasn’t worth it.

At this point, I stopped. Stopped reading the speech. Stopped focusing on the audience. Stopped trying to support my son.

I just stared at the battery. Stared past the blue light.

Ricky swam bask to the surface, half of his head missing. Drama queen.

McCulloch’s empty eye sockets looked like the were melting, crying. He couldn’t turn away from his wife in the audience.

Genevieve was there, despite having returned home after the war. I don’t know if her soul was just drawn to the battery or if they had dug her up and shoved her in there, but there she was.

The general.

The civilians.

I jumped when Samantha tapped me on the shoulder. I looked over the crowd again.

They were silent.

I saw a small family of refugees. The father, the mother, and the son stood, stone-faced, arms folded across their chests.

Heat spread from my chest outwards. Muscles I hadn’t used in years twitched to life. I planted my palms firmly in the sides of my chair and pushed. The crowd chanted my name. I could feel my daughter’s worry pushing into my back. I could feel the gear’s in my son’s head turn as he plotted how to spin this in his favor. Things inside of me cracked and grinded and popped out of place. I could taste my sweat dripping through my grit teeth.

I stood.

And before the crowd could erupt cheers, I raised a hand to silence them. I pulled my coats from my body. Like stepping out of a hot shower, I was freezing. I dropped them to the floor.

There was gasping. And there were murmurs. I stood before them, the promise of the last generation. I stood there for an hour. Emaciated, scarred, lumps where there shouldn’t be, a series of holes along my right side, the terrible tattoo I’d let Levi carve into me that ended up getting infected, I stood there and told them the painful, terrifying story behind each scar.

When I finished I looked to my friends. Their swimming has stopped and their faces were pressed against the side of the battery. The battery that was to power a great machine and protect these weak, soft people we had sacrificed so much for. Our countrymen.

For another first in many years, I spoke without a rasp. My voice was firm, deep, and sonorous. I hadn’t heard it in so long that I’d forgotten it was possible. Like rediscovering a talent you’d cast to the side.

“We did our part. Fight your own battles.” My shins then shattered beneath me.

Prompt: [WP] As the oldest of the tribe you must explain to the younglings what the final war was like.

#reddit #writingprompts #fantasy #shortstory #veteran

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heartofstanding · 5 years

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I finished Crown in Candlelight at long last and thank god, because my pile of books to read has grown and grown and I don’t think I could take much more of reading this.

liking both Catherine and Humphrey Duke of Gloucester is a shitty position to be in when reading a Catherine-dominated novel

I am starting an official society for the protection of Eleanor Cobham.

So basically the one bright spot in this novel is Catherine’s characterisation. Her suffering is overdone at times and not necessarily accurate (e.g. being cruelly separated from her son - iirc, she was living in his household until he was about 8). But for the most part, I feel like it does well in making her a woman who has been formed by her traumatic past, who found stability/love for the first time in a long time with Henry V and then quickly lost it, who is facing a long, aimless future with her “glory days” done by the time she’s 22.

Owen Tudor rapes her because he’s mad he overheard people talking about him as if he’s a prostitute. He literally thinks of it as a rape and was violent with her. And yet we’re still meant to like him?

Catherine is like “there, there, it’s okay” in response. Meanwhile, when Humphrey threatens to rape her, she hits him so hard (with Owen’s Welsh ring) that Humphrey’s scarred for life.

Edmund Tudor was conceived during Owen’s rape of Catherine. Huh.

...okay, Henry VI having a breakdown about Joan of Arc being burnt as a heretic because he believes she’s a legit messenger from God is a thing.

and there is NO WAY they made him watch when it happened.

I remain confused as to how Owen being a fuckboy is sexy and great but Humphrey being a fuckboy is terrible.

I remain confused about a lot of things.

Eleanor Cobham turned up and I did not lose my shit. This is not because it’s a sympathetic or sensitive portrayal, it’s that between the objectification of her and the high-focus on her “witchiness” (she’s always cold, Humphrey thinks her soul leaves her body) Eleanor barely feels human, It’s like Jarman is writing her as a literal succubus or siren.

she basically: attempts to kill three Beauforts and Jacqueline of Hainault via witchcraft, predicts Catherine will need a book of herbals that contain the recipes for contraceptives, causes Catherine to have two miscarriages, is deliberately poisoning Henry VI, knows Jacquetta of Luxembourg is a witch and gonna kill John, Duke of Bedford because she wants to marry Richard Woodville...

which Jacquetta does

I found out the author is a Yorkist/Ricardians and I bet she’s the sort who hates the Woodvilles as well as the Lancastrians.

also, Eleanor’s whole... reveal as a witchcraft? Inaccurate as fuck. She’s caught about to poison Henry VI and then flogged, half-naked, through the streets.

Humphrey is written as really grotesque, he’s always drunk, crushes a wine goblet with his bare hands when Richard, Duke of York tells him that Catherine has two kids, after lots of talk about how his eye-bags are fat, his jaw is always clenched, there’s a vein going in his forehead. There’s also a lot about how he’s gotten fat, including Catherine thinking he looks pregnant.

just UGH

there are some redeeming qualities to him, like he does genuinely like Henry V and John, Duke of Bedford when push comes to shove

that being said, he does emotionally torture Henry VI and slap him

so fuck this.

HILARIOUSLY, Richard III is described as a “gentler, nobler Gloucester” than Humphrey. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

this is in an epilogue in which our OFC Welsh prophet tells how Owen Tudor died and everything that’s happened between Catherine’s death in 1438 and Owen’s death in 1461.

I mean, I think this is the best novel about Catherine I’ve read thus far but I REALLY hated the other two I read. They’re all getting 1 star reviews on GoodReads.

#lisa reads crown in candlelight #text posts

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heyyyharry · 5 years

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Chapter 2: Boss

(from the Flatmate Trilogy: Two Hearts, One Home)

...in which Y/N deals with more problems at work, and Harry makes a life changing decision.

Word count: 4.1k

Chapter 1: Honeymoon - Y/N and Harry go to Greece for their honeymoon and run into a couple they hate.

Wattpad link

Y/N wasn't a workaholic, she kept telling herself that, but it did feel good to finally get back to work after her honeymoon. The trip was doubtlessly wonderful, and she'd never felt more loved in her entire life. If she'd had a choice, she probably would've picked to stay on the island with Harry. But let's be realistic, how could they afford another expensive holiday if they neglected their jobs? Now it was time to focus on what really mattered for their future together. Money.

Besides, Y/N did miss her desk at the office, and even though her co-workers weren't all angels. She was sure some of them missed her, if not all. When she came back, they would rush to her with open arms and said—

"The proposal you sent me was crap."

All eyes in the room shifted to Y/N, who was still trying to figure out what was happening. She'd heard that everyone who had worked with Catherine Daniels had all the worst things to say about this woman. They said that she was terrible to people, that she was afraid of no one and wouldn't take criticism from anyone in this firm, that the only reason she was head of Media Relations was because she'd been here the longest. This was actually the first time Y/N had spoken face to face with Catherine, and she kind of understood why the nickname Catherine 'Dictator' existed.

"But that was what the client—"

"Enough with the same excuses." Catherine scoffed. "You people in Client Service has one simple job, to negotiate with the clients so it's easier for us, the ones who actually have to do the hard work and handle the journalists."

Y/N almost said sorry for something that wasn't entirely her fault, in hope that it might put an end to the tension between them. Thankfully, Kate showed up just in time to back her up. She gave Catherine a dirty look, pulling Y/N to her side.

"Go terrorize the people on your team, Catherine."

"Elizabeth is on maternity leave." Catherine responded with a sarcastic chuckle. "Who else would I blame this for? You?"

Elizabeth was the head of Client Service, Y/N's department. Unlike Catherine, that woman was the sweetest and she would never talk down to any of her team members. While watching Kate and Catherine arguing, Y/N really wished Elizabeth would magically appear and make everything better again.

"Mr. Coleman will take over Liz's responsibilities until she gets back," Kate chided as she put both hands on her hips. "So maybe you should go tell him how crappy you think the proposal is? He'll be in his office tomorrow morning."

Y/N almost forgot. There was someone in this company that Catherine was afraid of after all.

"Feels good to be teacher's pet, huh?" The hateful woman whispered to Y/N before turning back to Kate and said through gritted teeth, "if she doesn't send me a better proposal by tomorrow, set me an appointment with Coleman. He needs to know when to fire his favorite employee."

As Catherine stormed away, Kate turned to her wide-eyed friend, looking extremely pissed off. It couldn't be more obvious that she loathed that woman as much as anyone here; however, Y/N's tolerance of such rude behaviors was the main reason she was fuming with rage.

"You shouldn't have let her talk to you like that!"

"She was just...trying to do her job," Y/N mumbled, giving Kate a shrug. "I mean...it's probably difficult to deal with the media."

"Sis, it's the client who pays you money to deal with the media, so believe me, if the client wants the moon, you give them the moon! No question asked!" Kate slammed both hands onto the table, nearly causing Y/N's coffee cup to fall over. "Catherine always puts herself first and shits on all the others anyway. But don't worry, Jack will definitely defend you."

That was exactly what made Y/N worry. Jack would defend her, or at least try to fix her mistakes. After all she wasn't only his employee, but also his friend and might've been something more in the past. Even though she knew he would always be fair, these people in the office did not, and they might just assume she was getting special treatments simply because she was his favorite. The smartest solution here was to give Catherine what she wanted. Not because she was afraid of Catherine (maybe a bit), but because she didn't want Jack's reputation ruined for helping her, again.

"Screw. Me!"

"Later, I'm washing dishes."

"Haha, funny." Y/N shot her husband a glare as he turned to check her reaction. He expected her to laugh along. She always would no matter how lame his jokes were. But this time all she did was breathe out and carry on with whatever she was doing on her laptop. She'd been working ever since she got home, and only stopped to eat dinner before getting back to work again. Harry was surely worried. The last time his wife worked this hard, she ended up passing out on her desk after consuming too much coffee, he nearly had a heart attack that day.

"Maybe..." He dried his hands and headed towards where she sat at the table. "Maybe you and I can Netflix and chill tonight?"

Y/N giggled when his breath tickled her neck and he laid a soft kiss on her shoulder blade, throwing in a sweet "I love you" as if she didn't already know. Her husband was just trying to distract her from work, and even so, she let him. She should be distracted for a little while for her brain to function again, and he seemed to be in need of a little affection. When she turned to him, their lips met for an urgent wet kiss which sent him down on his knees by her side.

"Come on," he muttered, all out of breath as his lips curved into a slop-sided grin. One of his hands were resting on her hip, the other on the backrest of the chair. "Play with me and I'll let you go."

"Play with you?" Y/N chuckled as she cupped his face. "Is this why you let Layla and Niall watch Treasure tonight?"

"That's the kind of parent you think I am?" The man faked a faint gasp that made his wife giggle. "Actually, Layla's having dinner with her dad's family, and her stepmother is allergic to cats so..."

"So you let her use our daughter as a revenge tool." She jokingly lifted an eyebrow.

"Are you calling me a bad parent then?"

"Harry! No!" Y/N burst out laughing when her husband took both of her wrists with one hand and started ticking her with the other. She fought to get away, accidentally slipping right off her chair and collapsing right on top of him. Now the table had turned, she blocked his arms and executed the tickle torture until he laughed so hard he couldn't breathe.

"I surrender! Surrender!"

"You cannot surrender after what you did to me, baby. That's not the rule." Y/N knew he could've stopped her easily, yet he still let her win. So she showed some mercy by letting him suffer for a little more before raising her hands to call a truce. Harry combed his fingers through his messy locks, breathing heavily and flashing her a lazy smile.

"I'm done playing with you. Can I please go now?"

When she patted his chest and attempted to move, Harry quickly sat up, fingers clutching her thighs to keep her still. He knew she could just brush off his hands and get back to work, but it was her choice to stay in his lap. So he flashed her a cheeky grin. "But I'm not done playing with you."

"Baby, I'm serious." She sighed, gently stroking his hair. He was like a baby now, pouting and nuzzling her neck, pleading for attention, which she would gladly give him if Jack's reputation and her own weren't hanging by a thread. "I need to get this proposal done by morning."

"You're always working overtime and now you're working at home too," he said with a big frown. "I feel like no one beside Jack acknowledges your effort."

"Exactly! Thank you! I mean, I love my job but I gotta admit most people in PR are assholes." Harry couldn't hold back another smile when she turned serious and started counting on her ten fingers to illustrate her point to him. "So take ten people at my office, four of them will hate me, the next four don't give a damn about me but they love the drama and believe dumb rumors anyway, the two people left are Jack and Kate."

Harry pressed a kiss to his wife's cheek, laughing as he tried to cheer her up, "positively speaking, your two supporters are your boss and your boss' assistant. You still win."

"If you put it that way," she said, beaming at him. "Well, I'm only working this hard because we need money for our future family. So when we finally get super rich, it's over for them. I might even quit the job and we can go on honeymoon every weekend. Sounds great, huh?"

Harry stayed on the floor after his wife had kissed him and returned to her laptop. "Feels good to just imagine," she said in a sing-song voice. However, he knew there was also truth behind that joke, that everything could be much better if they were wealthy people, that she could have the life he'd promised them both, no more extra hours at the office just to impress people who weren't so nice to her.

The opportunity was right on the table, all he needed was to swallow his pride and seize it. And because of her, he might actually consider working things out with his dad.

The next morning, Harry could barely pay attention to anything else. He sat in his office, staring at a half-finished email to his dad's assistant which he'd written last night, trying to decide if he should send it. He just wanted an appointment with Devlin, but then what? What was he gonna say? He didn't want to just apologize for doing nothing wrong only to get this over with. And would Devlin trust him enough to hand him the CEO chair after everything? Maybe he should phone Y/N and ask for her opinion. Even though she'd been on board with this idea since the beginning, and even trying to convince him to go for it, he didn't think he should make this decision on his own. But on second thought, he should wait until he saw her at home, because something like this shouldn't be discussed over a phone call.

There was a knock on the door when Harry was having a debate with himself. He shut the laptop and told the person to come in, Olivia then entered, wearing a massive grin on her face.

"Got you coffee!" She exclaimed happily and placed the cup down on his desk.

"Oh, thanks." He raised an eyebrow as she sat down in front of him. "What's the occasion?"

"Well, yesterday was my birthday so today I bought coffee for everyone."

As soon as she said it, Harry's face scrunched up in guilt. He pinched the bride of his nose and muttered under his breath, "shit. I...I'm sorry, Ollie...I forgot."

"Nah, it's fine." The blonde giggled as she shook her head. It didn't take an expert to see that she was in a much better mood than usual. And Harry was already suspecting a reason behind her strange attitude. "I had the best birthday though," she confessed, the grin on her face grew twice bigger.

Harry recognized that grin. He'd been in a relationship for five years, how could he not? It was as clear as daylight! "Okay, who is he?"

"He?" Olivia arched an eyebrow. Harry knew her better than most people, and that right there was her iconic 'I-know-what-you're-talking-about-but-I'm-just-pretending' face.

"The guy who made this birthday so 'special'."

"Why is the word special in air-quotes?" Olivia giggled. Then it only took a couple seconds for reluctance to wash off the happiness on her face. He was second guessing if it was something he'd said that unintentionally upset her, but he didn't really need to ask as she was gonna tell him anyway.

"There's something I want you to know."

"Okay." He nodded, eyebrows furrowed as he leaned forward, getting a bit impatient. "Is the guy a drug dealer or...?"

"No! Jesus no!" Another soft giggle escaped her red lips. "It's Jack, but—"

"I knew it!" Harry shouted and slammed his fist onto the desk, almost giving the girl a heart attack. Then he started laughing as her cheeks turned pink. "I saw you two dancing at my wedding and I knew it!"

"Okay, calm down," she told him, rolling her eyes even though his reaction was undeniably adorable. "It's not about Jack. Well, it is kind of related to him, but mostly you and...your dad."

"My dad? Are they doing business together?"

"Kind of..." Olivia pursed her lips while fidgeting with the pencils right in front of her. It seemed like she was struggling to find the right way to break this news. "More like...Devlin's selling Styles Corporation to the Colemans."

"You're joking?" Harry's eyes went wide as his mouth hung opened. He was hoping Olivia would crack up and tell him he'd been fooled, but she seemed too serious for him to believe this was just a lousy prank.

"Jack told me last night. I just assumed after...what happened, Devlin wouldn't discuss this with you in advance."

"We don't even talk." Harry blew up his cheeks, tapping his fingers on the desk impatiently. Now their conversation had sunk back to silence. While Olivia was trying to come up with something to say, Harry kept on staring at the email he'd been hesitating to finish. After what seemed like five seconds, there was another knock on the door. A co-worker showed up to tell Olivia that Mr. Davis wanted to speak to her.

"I gotta go now," she said, standing up fast. "Talk to you later, Haz?"

"Sure." He gave her a nod and watched her strut towards the door. But when Olivia reached for the handle, instead of leaving right away, she lingered there for a moment before turning back to him.

"What are you gonna do?" She asked, looking slightly worried.

"I have an email to send," he told her with a smile.

Even though Olivia didn't get what her friend meant, she accepted that simple answer anyway and walked out of his office.

"Y/N, there you are!"

Kate grabbed Y/N the moment she'd just arrived at the office. She wasn't even late, but from the way many others were staring at her, she guessed she'd missed a whole lot already.

"Tell Catherine I'm gonna send her the proposal right away," she uttered and attempted to walk away, but Kate pulled her back just as fast.

"Haven't you heard?"

Y/N shook her head quickly. She'd rarely seen Kate this excited while at work, and now this girl was smiling as if she'd just won a one-month trip to Bali. So what Y/N hadn't heard might be some actual good news.

"Jack fired the bitch this morning."

"What?" Y/N's jaw went slack as her eyes popped opened. "Is it...because of me?"

"No, silly." Kate snorted, eyes rolled upward. "From what I've heard, she's been selling our ideas to one of our competitors."

"For real?"

"Yup, that's why she got so fed up and asked for a more detailed proposal. The first one you did was great."

"So I just...stayed up all night for nothing?" Y/N's face scrunched up in annoyance, but her question was ignored when Jack stepped out of his office and spotted her speaking to his assistant.

"Mrs. Styles?" He raised his voice, causing everyone to stare at Y/N, who didn't even flinch. As he repeated once again, Kate had to nudge the girl to remind her she was being called, and it was only then that Y/N snapped back to reality. Her whole face turned red from all this excessive attention. It was ironic how she kept forgetting her new name which was probably the one thing she could never shut up about.

"Five minutes," Jack simply said before shutting his door.

Even though Kate leaned in and told Y/N "you're the last person he'd fire, don't worry", the girl was already shaking in her boots. Catherine had been working at this company for ten years and Jack made the decision to fire her in a minute. What if he thought Y/N had something to do with this and fired her too?

Oh no. She swallowed hard before heading straight to his office, ignoring curious stares that were shifting her way. She wondered how many of these people were wishing for her to suffer the same fate as Catherine, still she must put her trust in Jack Coleman.

Right? Right, she assured herself.

Taking a deep breath, Y/N opened the door slowly. The creaking sound caught Jack's attention as he looked up from the computer and urged her to hurry up.

"Okay, before you fire me, you need to hear me out," Y/N spoke as soon as she closed the door. "I have absolutely nothing to do with this."

"With what?" The man looked so confused, and now she was also confused.

"So I'm not here because I'm in trouble?" She asked quietly.

At this point, Jack couldn't keep a straight face anymore. He shook his head and began with a chuckle. "No, why would you be in trouble, Y/N?"

"I...I don't know...Why am I here then?"

"I need to discuss our new strategy with the head of Client Service." His answer seemed to confuse her even more, so he pressed his lips into a smile, and finally told her, "you're promoted by the way."

Those words together had turned Y/N paralyzed. Her limbs became stiff and her expression hardened. Now she could only hear different voices in her head shouting at each other. Was he joking? He can't! It's not April's Fool! But even if it was, Jack's not the type of person to joke about these kinds of things. Am I dreaming? Should I pinch myself?

"Y/N?"

She pinched her own arm when he called her name.

Yup, definitely not dreaming.

"Uhm, I have a question..."

"Sure, go ahead." Jack started beaming when he saw the way his employee was fidgeting with her own fingers and nipping her bottom lip. He had imagined a much worse reaction, so she was actually doing better than his expectation.

"Why?"

"Why?" Honestly, Y/N was very grateful that Jack was patient with her. But his calmness was driving her insane. Now she was on the edge of her seat and she wasn't even sitting down! She was literally sweating when he leaned back and knitted his hands together. "Well, since Catherine no longer works here, Elizabeth will be the new head of Media Relations, leaving her spot empty. And I think you're a great choice for it."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" This question made Jack lift an eyebrow. He didn't say a word, yet she knew he wanted her to explain. And so she did. "Everyone here said that I got special treatments because you...uhm..."

"Because I had feelings for you?"

She swallowed hard and nodded quickly. Now she was glancing at all directions in the room to avoid looking at her boss when he stood up.

"Well, they weren't entirely wrong," he said, leaning back against the edge of his desk and crossing his arms. Those words were all it took for her eyes to shift back to his face.

"I did have feelings for you, and I've always thought you were a great person. But this isn't high school, Y/N. I don't make decisions based on my feelings for someone. If you can do the job well, then congrats, you get the job. If not, then you have five minutes to pack your things and go."

"But people—"

"When you work in this industry, you should care less about what people think of you, and more about what you think of yourself," Jack asserted, smiling back at her. "Are we good now?"

Y/N nodded to agree without adding anything else.

"Great. Now bring your laptop in here, there's a lot of work for you."

Once again, her answer was a single nod as she hurriedly reached for the door handle. But right before she exited the room, Jack stopped her quickly.

"I almost forgot," he said with a soft smile. "Welcome back, Mrs. Styles."

"Baby, I'm home!!!"

Harry chuckled as his wife jumped right into his arms the moment she walked through the door. She held him so tight, almost squeezing the air out of him, and he could already tell that something big had happened to her at work.

"I have great news!"

"So do I!" He happily declared while grinning from ear to ear. "But you go first."

"I got promoted!"

Those words pierced right through his ears like a bullet. Speechless, he let her drag him into another hug but this time all that he could show was a half-broken smile. Y/N instantly felt his reluctance and drew back to look him in the eyes. Her grin fell as fast as his when she noticed something wrong.

"You're not happy for me?"

"I am. I am, I'm just—" He paused right there. What could he possibly say now? That he'd had lunch with his father and agreed to take over Styles Corporation in San Francisco? That he'd done it for her but now she'd got promoted and would most likely not willing to quit and move to another country with him? No! He couldn't tell her any of that!

So instead of saying the truth, he gave her exactly what she wanted to hear. "Sorry, I'm just shocked. Wow, baby, this is great!" He laughed, squeezing her hands even though he'd never been more anxious before. "I'm so proud of you. You're a boss now!"

Y/N leaned in and kissed his lips, mumbling a quiet "I love you" as she believed without his support she wouldn't have gotten this far. Her excitement had put him in a much tougher spot and now his heart was beating like a drum.

"So," she pulled back to hold his face, still smiling like the Cheshire Cat. "What's your good news, love?"

Shit.

He widened his eyes at her question, lips pressed together tightly. "Well...uhm...Olivia bought free coffee for everyone at the office today."

"That's it?" Y/N gave her man a funny look. However, there was no sign that showed she was suspecting anything. It was almost normal for him to make no sense sometimes that his excitement over free coffee would actually make sense.

"Yeah. Now that I think about it, it's actually not as exciting as your good news." That was a terrible white lie, but Y/N was too thrilled to see it through at this point.

"We need to celebrate!" She declared, bouncing up and down like a child on Christmas morning. "I'm gonna cook a big meal for both of us and we're gonna get so drunk tonight!"

Harry held his breath as he watched the woman he loved dance her way into the kitchen. She had never looked happier, which made him feel even worse. He was blaming himself, still a part of him justified his impulsive decision by saying he'd been given no other choice. Had he waited to come home and discuss it with her, the Colemans could've sealed the deal and taken the company right under his nose. He thought he was doing it for both of them, mostly for her. But unfortunately, he couldn't have seen this coming.

Now standing in the middle of his living room like a stone statue, Harry asked himself the same question Olivia had asked him before, what are you gonna do, Harry?

#flatmate!harry #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fanfictions #harry styles fanfics #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles writing #harry styles series #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #husband!harry

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