cyberexpertwolfdonkey

[ur-fav-alien]

Next on the can I ship them list:

Britt and Jamie cuz GIRLS IN LOVE WE NEED MORE GIRLS IN LOVE OMFG

[outrunningthedark]

I don't understand. I see people under posts of buddie hugging or comforting each other say "I hope Tim isn't baiting us again", "idec if I'm being baited I'm enjoying this" etc, but... How is that baiting? To me they're best friends acting like best friends idk. Like sure it could lead to more but I find this weird how some people seem to think physical touch and comfort can only happen between people who are in love?? They sound like these men who think that when a woman smiles at them or is kind to them it's bc they're interested 😬

Ngl, Bi Buck and BuckTommy has opened my eyes to how those people talk and think about men IRL (my bad for assuming we could all be fucking normal about male friendships while shipping for funsies 🫠)

Seeing a man touch another man’s shoulder should not automatically make anyone think “that’s gay”.

Hearing a man tell another man, his BEST FRIEND, he loves him should not have to come with a “bro” or “brother” or “man” at the end just so they know he doesn’t mean it like that.

This fandom, despite being largely queer, doesn’t know how to react to two men in close proximity, particularly two younger men who aren’t y’no, like our dads and don’t shy away from affection, because to them it still feels foreign. To them it still feels wrong.

(Internalized homophobia is nothing to laugh at, I just wish they weren’t using actors on a tv show to broadcast it, especially not when they also claim their hope is to see those actors get together on screen. It’s giving fetish, not “representation”. Sorry.)

[bloodchapell]

tiffany's lolita coord - armin a.

brief summary: finally asking armin to let you style him, you expect him to ask to look like yoshiki or atsushi but he requests something unexpected. dressing him in your clothes, styling his hair and even putting makeup on him sparkles a new light in both of you.

what to expect: alt and very nerdy reader, equally nerdy armin, mutual pinning, physical touch, lots of tension, cross dressing, #who is tiffany!?

your sword’s note: this was lowkey how i got the idea for the whole series, id just love to dress armin in egl. all past and future parts of this au series available in my mistresslist

“Mana-sama?” You repeat after him.

Armin had been listening to Malice Mizer non-stop, and was fascinated by Mana-sama. He also had seen you already in the beautiful black dresses traditional of gothic lolita and he was sure you couldn’t look more beautiful. He secretly wished he could completely change at least for one day and look as cute, and though he kept it precisely as a secret, when you two started talking about your shared wish for him to get styled by you, he saw the opportunity and ran with it.

“I want to look like Mana-sama.” He demands as soon as he agrees to your question.

“This is for the books .” You mumble fascinated to yourself, getting off your bed and looking for the ancient looking box under your bed that had the clothes you couldn’t fit in the closet. Before you start looking for one you decide to take his measurements and see which dresses would fit him instead of trying all of them. You ask him to stand up too and after grabbing the measuring tape and tell him to take his knitted sweater off so the measuring is more accurate.

His eyes trace the movements of your hands carefully, still kinda nervous of having you so close. You extend the tape and ask him to lift his arms, then wrap the tape around his chest and tell him the measurement so he can write it down in the little notepad you gave him. You measure the length of this arms, torso, waist and the distance from his waist to his knees; you do not measure anything else, you’ll figure it out without the measurement of his hips.

Now with his measurements you kneel back down and look in the treasure chest for a dress that fits him. Armin is a little taller than you by a few inches, but the difference from his built to yours is still notorious. There is only two dresses that you determine fitting. He chooses the black one and you nod, looking around for the undershirt, stockings, petticoat and other accessories. You explained in what order and how to wear every garment and he nodded hesitantly.

“Here, I will leave the room and you can change, let me know when I can walk back in.” You give him the things and now that the whole thing seems actually serious he gets hesitant.

“This is going to sound very ignorant but is it wrong to wear this?” He asks holding the clothes, adverting his gaze from meeting yours.

“What do you mean?” You asked without completely understanding what was he implying as being possibly wrong. “It’s really just clothes. I don’t think it’s wrong for anyone to wear any clothing unless it is meant to offend someone in any way or if it’s something inappropriate in front of kids or stuff like that.”

“I just don’t want you to think wrong of me… I was too quick to jump and say Mana-sama.” Armin fidgets with the fabric. He doesn’t want to say it and you know what he is trying to say and why.

“I won’t think wrong of you Armin.” You take the clothes off his hands and put them in the bed so you can hold his hands. “I dress like a guy sometimes and that doesn’t mean I am mocking men or I am any less feminine… it doesn’t mean I become gay for it, though I do like girls too but that is not the point…”

He blushes at your words. He had seen you dressing oddly masculine sometimes but had brushed it off as just ambiguous… and he didn’t know the rest.

“You like girls…?” It was almost possible to physically hear his heart stopping and shattering. His mind was already racing to make him overthink.

“I like people, why should I care about what they are if they’re cool.” You summarized and he felt his soul crawling back to his body very embarrassed. It made sense.

“I shouldn’t really be complaining, an essential part of vkei is androgyny and I know it…” His blue eyes are just focused on your hands, his teeth playing nervously with the piercing on his lip. “I’m just insecure… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay…” You lift your hand from his and place him by his cheek, moving a strand of hair behind his ear, trying to make him look at you and at the same time comfort him by caressing his cheek. “I used to also worry if it made me less of a girl to dress like a guy, but that was just me doubting it. Still if you don’t want to do it there is nothing wrong with it.”

“No, I still want to do it.”

You gave him a smile and let go of his other hand to pull him in for a hug; your arms wrapped around his neck closing the distance. He didn’t know how to react at first, differently to the hugs you’d give him when saying bye, this felt more intimate because you were hugging him tightly. He took a second to reciprocate but eventually he gave in and wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his forehead on your shoulder. Your heart was beating so fast that he could feel you exhaling trying to calm down, but he didn’t notice because he was worried you could feel his unsteady breath on your shoulder from how nervous he was. The hug lasted for a while because you both didn’t want to let go plus you were also afraid of facing each other after such a moment.

“Get dressed and let me know when you’re done.” You pulled away from the hug leaving the dorm and closing the door as fast as humanly possible so he wouldn’t notice the heavy blush on your face.

It took him longer than expected.

“I think I need your help…” He peeked outside the door. You nodded and walked back in the room. He looked so cute that you could’ve had a heart attack.

The problem was that he couldn’t tie the ribbon on the back on the dress that gave form to the shape of the waist.

“I’ll get that for you.” You reassured and stood behind him. Your hands straightened the fabric in the front and moved slowly to the back to rectify that it stayed straight and close to his body, once in the back, you put the lace through the holes crossing it from side to side and once finished you pulled the ribbon to tighten the dress around his body and tied it in a bow. You then moved around to stand facing him and take a look at him. The dress suited him perfectly and though it was intended to be a little longer than other dresses, it seemed normal on him.

“You look so cute!” You praised making him turn around for you to take a closer look. He smiled when hearing you complimenting him. “Now let me continue.”

You made him sit down in the desk and wait while you brought your makeup.

“Isn’t my hair too short?” He wondered and you looked at him.

“Well yeah but we can’t magically make it grow.” You answered but then a sinister idea came to your mind. You looked back on the treasure chest and pulled out a black wig with curls and bangs. “So Mana-sama esque!”

You put the wig cap on his head and opened the makeup bag. You laughed looking at his bangs being out of his forehead for the first time, he looked so handsome…

Proceeding with his makeup you started by applying moisturizer to your hands and gently massaging his face. His face was blushed completely. After some sunscreen, you applied some primer, then concealer to correct some uneven tones in his skin, applied a little blush on his cheekbones upwardly to shorten his face and make him look cuter, then applied your lightest foundation on his face and blended it out.

“Wasn’t the blush after this?” He asked opening his eyes to look at you.

“It’s a cream blush so it’s kind of strong, I put it before the foundation to give it a more natural look. I also don’t like that it’s a warm coral, so after I put some setting spray and translucent powder I will put a little powder blush that has a cool tone to cancel it out. It’s more accurate to your skin tone and it looks very similar to the actual pale pink in which your cheeks blush.”

“Stop!!!” He demanded laughing ashamed and covering his face without actually touching to not ruin the base of the makeup. You laughed softly at how cute he was.

Continuing the makeup you applied some white concealer in his eyelids for the eyeshadow to show more vibrantly and started to do his eyeliner in a way it made his eyes look bigger and rounder, then mascara in his eyelashes and you drew bottom eyelashes to make his eyes look even bigger. Since he asked to look like Mana-sama, the eyeshadow was inspired by one of his looks, you applied a good amount of mascara on his eyelashes. For the lips you put a black lipgloss on his lips and asked him to even it out. To add the last touch you applied again setting spray.

“I feel odd..." He said looking in the mirror while you put the black wig over his head. "It feels wrong in a good way I guess..."

With the black wig on, Armin look like a completely different person. His soft features that were even more softened with the makeup and the curly wig made him look like a girl. And the frilly and poofy dress adorned his body delicately. His blue eyes kept looking over every detail of his new and unfamiliar aspect in the mirror as in trying to digest the whole thing.

From the treasure chest you pulled out all the headpieces that matched the dress and he chose a black headdress, so you secured it to the wig and tied it under his chin.

"Well you are now done, sadly our shoe size is very different and my shoes won't fit you." Finishing twirling around the synthetic curls to define them more and combing with your fingers the bangs over his forehead you said only to move in front of him and take a good look at him. Armin looked stunning, he looked so beautiful that you were even a little envious of how cute he could look.

"I have some black boots." He looked so different that he himself didn't recognize his image and could mistakenly fall in love with the cute girl in the mirror.

"Do you want me to go get them?" You asked and he stood up.

"I think I want to go out like this." He said looking at himself in the mirror for a long time, turning around to see himself from every angle. You turned around surprised, definitely not expecting him to say that.

"Well, let me get dressed and I will show you my favorite spot in town to be cute." You said excited while getting your things. After finishing getting dressed and applying makeup, you made sure to wear tall shoes to be on Armin's height. "Now we are the same size so it doesn't look weird that the "girl" is taller than the "guy"."

"That is so full of prejudice! There are tall girls and I am one of them." He joked pretending to be mad and you couldn't help but laugh.

There is no need to say how shy he was to walk out of your dorm. He had walked in differently and was now walking outside as a total different person. He kept complaining that his white sneakers didn't match the look and was completely embarrassed for it, which to you was nothing but cute; it’d be hard for you in the past to believe you if you said Armin was complaining about his shoes not matching his outfit.

"I love your fit." On the entrance of your dorm some girl told him and he nodded smiling too nervous to speak. You two walked from your building to his, he got a few looks from people passing by and you had to remind him that they were looking at him because he looked like he had escaped from a magical girls anime and not because they knew it was actually honors student Armin Arlert crossdressing through campus.

Once at his dorm, you sat down in the living room while he looked for the shoes in his room but then you both heard the very far away but approaching loud voice of Eren.

"What do we do!?" Armin started panicking and though it made you laugh initially you tried to not do so to not make him feel bad.

"Calm down, get into the bathroom and call Eren, tell him you gave me the keys to pick something up... and that I brought over a friend because she needed to use the bathroom." Pushing him into the bathroom you said.

Armin called Eren and said exactly what you told him, so when the door started to open, the brunette already knew and wouldn't be surprised at your presence in his place.

"Oh my god! I can finally meet you!" Eren jumped to shake your hand once he saw you, his green eyes looking you up and down and mentally taking a note agreeing with Armin's scarily accurate description of you. "Armin is so evil for not letting me, his basically brother, meet you before. I'm..."

"Eren, I know." You smiled and he nodded. After some small talk you realized that if you didn't stop him, Eren would talk your ears off. "Uhm, I think we need to get going to meet Armin, right Tiffany?"

You knocked in the bathroom door and for long minutes Armin stayed quiet, but eventually he came out, with the shoes already on.

"That is your friend?" Eren asked, probably referring to what Armin had told him in the call.

"Yeah, her name is Tiffany and she is a... uhm... childhood education major." You made the story up, knowing that behind all that foundation Armin was insanely red. "But yeah... we need to go, I don't want Armin waiting too long, it was nice meeting you Eren."

You rushed out of the door holding Armin's wrist.

"Bye!" He said in the door seeing you both run away. "Bye Tiffany!"

Once out of the sight of Eren, you both started laughing.

"Tiffany? Seriously?" Armin asked kinda out of breath. “Quit it Tiffany, that is your new persona when you are wearing lolita.” You affirmed to him while trying not to laugh. With the boots on, his coordinate looked more complete.

You two walked the longish way to the bus stop and waited while listening to Best of Blood. In the bus you taught him how to act like a noble from the eighteenth century. Initially he wanted to speak with an accent but he decided to follow Mana-sama’s example and just don’t talk at all.

“Hey uhm… I hope this doesn’t come off as weird but you are very pretty… could I possibly take you on a date?” While walking to the mystery place to told him about, a guy wearing the varsity jacket of your university approached him while you were looking t the window of a store. Armin looked at you with a mix of panic and laughter that he could barely contain on his face.

“Yo she has a boyfriend bro…” You grabbed Armin’s hand and tried to speak with a lower tone than the normal one of your voice.

“I’m so sorry bro, no hard feelings.” The guy seemed genuinely sorry and even offered his hand to dab you up as he assumed you were the alleged boyfriend and left completely embarrassed.

For a second you both stayed quiet, seeing the guy walk away.

“Did that guy just hit on me?” Armin slowly said, turning a little to see you. It felt odd for him to see you being slightly taller than you. “It appears so. too bad Tiff is cuffed.” You said showing your hand over his and laughing but he didn’t laugh. His heart was racing and there was only so much the foundation on his face could do to cover his severe blush. The awkward feeling of another man trying to take him, or more accurately, trying to take Tiffany on a date was completely erased when you jumped to help him implying that you two were dating. You implied that you two were dating.

It didn’t matter to him that you said you were Tiffany’s boyfriend, if he was a girl and you were a guy he’d date you, he’d also date you if he was a girl and you were a girl too, hell he would date you even if you were a guy because as long as it was you it didn’t matter to him what you were as long as it was you, because he liked and loved you and every aspect of your personality, plus you could really rock anything you were or decided to be.

“Yeah.” Armin managed to respond, too lost in his head to formulate a proper reply. His hand slowly grabbing yours back as you started walking —still holding hands— towards the place you had told him about.

“We’re here.” You said opening the door for him, as a true “gentleman” and he thanked you.

“Tea house.” He read from the sign in the door.

There was some French song playing in the store while you two sat down, both in the booth side of the table. The air felt tense as if both of you wanted to do something, anything, grab the other’s hand, maybe throw in for a hug, or even lean for a kiss… The growing feeling inside you both started to turn unbearable, a kind of heartache that came only from longing so hard that the months you had known each other for felt eternal and equivalent to a whole lifetime of being fathoming about the love you had for the other.

When the tea and pastries arrived, Armin saw his reflection on the golden liquid in the ceramic cup, easily mistaken his true self for Tiffany, but he still could see himself in his eyes, his self that had something against him and would not let him believe for any reason that you could like him back; there was some sort of insurrection because a strange shine in his eyes screamed for him to do something.

[blossoms-phan]

Hi! I am a X escapee relatively recent Dan & Phil returnee who loves your posts, you seem so reasonable. I have just been given what felt like a 90 min presentation detailing how my innocent assumption that Dan and Phil were anything other than platonic housemates was incorrect and offensive.

The lecture i was given included every reference that highlighted, amongst other things: their "obvious" separate bedrooms, bathrooms, towels, angles of items shown in bedrooms, closets, mentions of wanting to go out and meet other men, lack of real concern (X words, not mine) at each others medical emergencies and every use of bro and friend that they have said post hiatus. It was very detailed, they were very insistent and I was very apologetic. I decided to flee the X hostility and head back to tumblr, but here everyone appears to think they are together. So now I am confused and don't want to offend a whole new group of people.

I think what set the X people off was i said "partner" as I was under the, I now know, incorrect impression that they went public years ago. Oops. Don't trust the internet is what I have learned from this. I thought all this drama would have died out long ago, but I assume this is a topic to stay far away from still? Thanks

hi anon! first of all, thank you for saying that (still can’t believe I’ve garnered enough attention on here that people specifically like my posts!), I really appreciate it. second of all imma be so real with you I am a person that still primarily refers to “X” as twitter bc I refuse to get with the times so this greatly confused me until I realized there was only one possible platform with those kind of people you could be talking about. i’m sorry you endured that exhausting sounding lecture and welcome you to phannie tumblr with open arms 🫶

i am here to gently reassure you that you can take what dnp say and do and show and form your own opinions about it, don’t let anyone tell you you’re right or wrong for drawing conclusions or making assumptions. however I will also be so bold and tell you why that individual is so blatantly wrong and maybe clear some of your confusion.

first of all, i think dnp would refer to themselves as anything but "platonic housemates." it all comes back to this but i dare someone to look me in the eyes and be so fr when saying that just because they've never stated in words "we're dating/boyfriends/partners etc" the simple fact that they share a mortgage on a "forever home" together, (according to them) spend literally all their time together, are partners in work/life/play (vacations), share families (dan being uncle to phil's niece) implies anything other than them being life partners. i'd also like to draw attention back to possibly the most blatantly open statement either of them has made about the nature of their relationship, in dan's video titled "basically i'm gay" where he describes them as "actual soulmates" and more. there are lots of people who have been discussing/answering posts about the concept of a "hard launch" recently which i could direct you to and i am of the mind that there's nothing wrong with conceptualizing the idea of a hard launch or them being more open to sharing details of their romantic relationship to an extent, but BIG is the most profound public statement of the nature of their relationship and, in my humble opinion, "the" hard launch as dan QUITE LITERALLY says "more than just romantic" and goes on to say he and phil are private people and that that's all he will say of it for now (keep in mind it's been 5 years since this statement- still relevant but minds can change, specifically theirs in terms of what they feel more comfortable and open sharing in a post-comeback world)

now moving on to the "references" you mentioned. again, highlighting literally any of this as "proof" that they are just friends or whatever is utterly ridiculous but i'll still go through it for funsies. i'd like to challenge this person that claims they have "obvious" seperate bedrooms by saying... what is so obvious about it?? dnp are highly aware that whatever they share with us will be analyzed or viewed under a microscope, so obviously they've carefully chosen which parts of the phouse to show us and they're not going to be like oh yeah this is OUR bedroom where we sleep TOGETHER every night. now i'm aware that yes, the "black" bedroom with dan's closet is more obviously a dan room that has been claimed as "his" bedroom. can't find it to link rn but they have posted a photo of the shelf of that room and while it is mostly dan stuff on the shelves, there was also a photo of phil's family and some of phil's books and items on the shelves. storage? sure, but if someone wants to claim that makes it so obviously dan's room then i can say that having phil's stuff in there could also point to them sharing the space. the room that phil films amazingphil videos in has been called a guest room/bed by them both, and in terms of rooms we've seen that just leaves the green room. imho everything points towards this being another guest room/possibly a room for family specifically to stay when they come- iirc nothing has been said to claim this as phil's room other than the fact that there is a painting by his dad and he occasionally films in there. i'm not going to pretend to know the ins and outs of their sleeping arrangements, but i think for two adults that own a huge house together and spend a lot of time together and have a lot of their own things it's perfectly reasonable to have "separate" bedrooms, multiple bathrooms/their own towels (?? i don't get this one i assume they're referring to the part of the golden pig video but like. obviously they have their own towels wtf lmao) and utter those things more on camera and then sleep together/share spaces in their own time.

once again, dan and phil know what they're doing. they are in control of what they show and share. calling each other "bro" and "friend" is an intentional choice and very much second nature at this point after doing it on camera for years. also it's not wrong or implies that they aren't romantic- i am of the opinion that they are friends first and they know that too. however, in a post-hiatus/comeback world, it almost feels pointed at this point. like a joke. a wink wink, nudge nudge, look-to-camera "we know you know" thing that they're keeping going just because they can.

in terms of the "going out and meeting other men" bit i assume they refer to jokes made by dan in the wad era? again, i'm not going to dive deep into this but dan is a comedian and post-coming out, wad and those other shows were the first time in his life he was able to be openly, unapologetically gay and himself and i think he was allowed to make a few grindr jokes for the fun of it. if dan values privacy in terms of his personal life, i highly doubt he would go around telling everyone he was hooking up with dudes- these are jokes plain and simple. but if you're interested @freckliedan has a wonderful post about dnp and the concept of monogamy/them sleeping with other people that i don't entirely disagree with and that is worded much better than i ever could so. i'd also like to talk to this person bc in what fucking world have they EVER shown a "lack of concern" at each others medical emergencies????? this is possibly the most baffling claim out of all of these to me. dan could not have made it more clear how scared/worried/traumatized he was by phil literally almost dying recently, and there have been more instances than i can count of him just being there for phil during all of his more recent health issues/scares. if this is referring to the eye incident, again i'm not going to pretend i know all the ins and outs of their relationship bc i don't- we know what they tell us. literally everything about this they said in a joking way, i don't know why people got their panties in a bunch- phil sending dan alone doesn't mean he doesn't care about him or anything, i honestly don't think he wouldn't have been much help going and i think they both kind of knew this, they were just playing it up to be a funny anecdote because they're entertainers. it's what they do. they've been making stories out of their lives for 15 years.

this is getting far too long and rambley as i don't know how to rein in my yapping when responding to asks but. i promise you're fine. discussing their relationship isn't "drama" or some forbidden thing, it happens on here a lot actually. except you will find most people on here use critical thinking and what dan and phil knowingly share with us, as adults with brains, to draw conclusions about their relationship based on everything from the way they look at each other to the little ways they tell us they care about and love each other bc they do. and that's not something they shy from now. come join us! don't let people tell you you're wrong for thinking they're partners bc in the nicest way possible, they literally are (if you want to sugarcoat it and say life partners instead of romantic go ahead bc they've literally described themselves as companions through life which is a more poetic way of saying partners imo) and respectfully anyone who thinks otherwise is in denial at this point

[zippyhands]

I’ve been struggling for a long time (almost 5 years now) over whether or not I’m trans. At this point I’m think I might be, but I’m terrified of loosing all the stuff I love about womanhood. The friendships, the clothes, but mainly being able to call myself a lesbian.

I think I really need to confront my gender, but I don’t know if it’s worth loosing all of these things that mean the world to me, advice?

fun fact: you don’t have to lose any of those things to be trans!

your friendships don’t have to change. sure, if you get to a point where you pass as a guy / are seen as not-a-girl in some way, new people might treat you differently and approach friendship with you differently, but the friendships you already have won’t have to change at all. absolutely nothing about my friendships changed when i came out; there’s no way of being friends that’s exclusive to women. and if a friend does treat you differently just because you’re trans? that’s on them, and it honestly might be a sign that you’re better off without them anyway.

you can wear all the same clothes you do now. my wardrobe hasn’t changed at all since i came out. i’ve always chosen my clothes just based on what is most comfortable for me, so i’ve been perfectly happy keeping all of my old clothes. my body and the way other people see me were the things i felt the need to change, not my clothes. i might not have the most masculine wardrobe ever, but it’s what i’m comfortable in and that’s the important part. if anything, being trans just expanded my wardrobe instead of changing it — i kept wearing all the things i always liked, but i also started to look in the men’s section and found even more things that i like wearing.

and you don’t have to stop calling yourself a lesbian just because you’re trans. it’s one thing if being trans also means the label doesn’t feel like it fits anymore, but if it still feels right? you can keep using it as long as you like. nonbinary lesbians and transmasc lesbians and lesboys and trans men whose love for women still feels gay and people whose only remaining connection to womanhood is the fact that they’re lesbians and multigender people who are lesbians because of their womanhood while also being other genders and people whose genders are just butch or femme or dyke and nothing else all absolutely exist, as do trans guys who don’t personally call themselves lesbians anymore but remain part of the community because it still just feels like their home; you’d be far from the first person to transition while holding onto an identity that’s still meaningful to you, even if it sounds contradictory to other people.

i’ve gone through similar processes of trying to reconcile newly discovered parts of my identity with the parts i’d already accepted, and you’d be surprised how often the answer to the dilemma is just “i guess i’m both, unless/until i decide one of them doesn’t feel right anymore.” i don’t talk a lot about my specific identities on here but they’re full of so-called contradictions. the thing about queerness is that it’s never been about making our identities “make sense” or “sound right” to other people. queerness is automatically looked down on by most people as wrong or unnatural or confusing or just completely unintelligible, and the job of queer people is not to make them more intelligible but to embrace them despite the fact that most people think we’re ridiculous for doing so. the only person your identity has to feel right to is you; no one else matters.

any shift in identity is going to feel like a massive change when your old identity is one you lived in for a long time and grew attached to, but being a big change doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a loss. of course, if it feels right to let go of some of the old to make room for the new, do that, but never feel obligated to do so. if you aren’t ready to let go of something associated with your old identity yet, let those things stick around while you welcome the new stuff in and see how they get along. you aren’t on any kind of timeline; you can take the transition slow and only let go of things once you feel absolutely sure that they aren’t serving you anymore, even if that means never letting go of some of the things other people say you should want nothing to do with. some of us are happiest when we embrace identities and ways of moving through the world that make absolutely no sense to anyone but us.

so my advice is this: don’t run away from this. it’s not fair to yourself to live your entire life in a limbo space of perpetually agonizing over your identity but never doing anything about it. the best thing you can do is give yourself permission to explore these feelings in their entirety, rather than only focusing on the things they might take away from you. i know it’s scary, but i guarantee you’ll come out happier on the other side no matter what you end up identifying as. knowing more about how you want to be seen and how you want to live life is only going to help you be more satisfied with the life you’re living — you can’t be happy if you never give yourself the space to learn what being happy means for you.

if, at the end of it all, you do end up letting go of some of the things you feel attached to now, it’ll only be because you found something that makes you even happier and feels even more right. and if you don’t? you can live the rest of your life holding onto all of the things you love about womanhood without actually/entirely/only being a woman! there are no rules; gender and queerness have no limits except for the limits of how far you’re willing to go to truly know yourself.

[yourfavismspechomohet]

love, there’s no such thing as a “bi lesbian.” someone can’t be bi and a lesbian. Coming from a lesbian myself it just doesn’t happen that way. Being a bisexual means that you like BOTH, being a lesbian means you ONLY like non men. It’s a mockery of real lesbians, it’s not a real sexuality.

Let’s take this apart separately, shall we?

“There’s no such thing as a Bi Lesbian”

Tell that to all the Bi Lesbians that follow me, and like my posts, and request for posts.

Tell that to the Bi Lesbians I reblog from and talk to occasionally.

Tell that to the older queers that identify as Bi Lesbians.

I guess apparently they don’t exist then. 🤷

“Someone can’t be Bi and a Lesbian”

Ah, this is a very popular one on this blog that I keep getting. I could link you to those, but I won’t. Here’s some ways you can be Bi and a Lesbian at the same time:

Biromantic Homosexuals

Homoromantic Bisexuals

Bi people who label themselves as Lesbians, to reclaim queer history. Because ALL Sapphics, regardless of if they were attracted to men or not, were referred to as Lesbians.

Bi people may also label themselves as Lesbians to reclaim being called a Lesbian by Biphobes trying to get them to pick one.

Bi people who lean more towards women, may call themselves Bi Lesbians.

Abroromantics/Abrosexuals may label themselves as Bi Lesbians because their orientation only swings back and forth between those two.

“Coming from a Lesbian myself, it just doesn’t happen that way.”

Well, for the second part, “It doesn’t happen that way”, just go back to the previous comments on “Someone can’t be Bi and a Lesbian”. It does and can happen.

Now for the first part “Coming from a Lesbian myself”. I hear this a lot. Not just from Lesbians, not just from queer people, but people of all different communities, one thing I hear all the time is “Coming from a [Blank] myself”. You need to understand that you are not the only Lesbian on earth. And Lesbians are not a hive-mind. You’re not all the same, and you’re not all going to have the same opinions. If that were the case, all Lesbians would look, talk, act the same way, and have the same views. But you don’t, because you’re not a hive-mind. Simply implying that all people of the same sexuality should have the same opinions is wrong. Believe it or not, I’ve seen all different kinds of lesbians who were Pro-Mspec Lesbian, who were Anti-Mspec Lesbian, and were neutral on Mspec Lesbians. And if all Lesbians had the same opinions, you would not be separated on these different opinions.

“Being a bisexual means that you like BOTH, being a lesbian means you ONLY like non men.”

Being Bi means that you could just about like any gender. It doesn’t just mean both, as in men and women. Bi people could definitely just be attracted to women and men, but they’re also Bi people attracted to all different kinds of genders under the Nonbinary umbrella.

As for being a Lesbian, it means that you’re attracted to women and Nonbinary people. And if we can agree on that, we also have to agree that there are other Nonbinary genders where one identifies as a woman AND a man, that you may also be attracted to. Saying that Lesbians don’t like men excludes Multigender people. Even if that’s not how you mean for it to sound, I can tell you that a lot of Multigender people feel that way.

Also, a common misconception is that Non-Men and Non-Women is okay to use for Gay and Lesbian definitions. It’s not. What you probably didn’t know, is that the terms have racist origins. Black and indigenous queer people have literally been talking about this since this definition was coined. “Non-Men” and “Non-Women” are terms that have been historically used to describe the degendering of black people.

Forcing these terms for queer definitions is Anti-Black, I could forgive you if you didn’t know that and stop using those definitions after now knowing the origins.

But if you still use these definitions even after knowing this, congratulations! You’re racist! Pretty sure there was a book about this, “Bad faith and anti-black racism” by Lewis R. Gordon.

“It’s a mockery of real lesbians, it’s not a real sexuality.”

Mspecs have just as big a part in Lesbian history as Lesbians.

All sapphics were Lesbians regardless of if they liked men.

The term “Bi Lesbian” has been around since the 70s. I’d like to see you try and tell an older queer Bi Lesbian, that they’re “mocking” Lesbians and that their sexuality isn’t real. They probably accomplished more than you have in your entire life, because you want to fight with people on queer labels that you think are and aren’t valid because apparently no queer identity is acceptable unless you agree with it.

Love, wether you like it or not, Bi Lesbians and even male Lesbians have always existed and will continue existing. And they don’t need your permission to be themselves.

[bumblebeerror]

Don’t get me wrong man, Kamala Harris being an actual politician who knows what the fuck is going on is my preferred president to the Cheeto who wants to make it legal for him to be king, but CHRIST if every news site doesn’t sound like a tiktok audio of the most annoying resident of San Francisco, California.

Like my guy she is not girlbossing. Her running mate was EIGHTY YEARS OLD and decided probably people would like someone else because the dem docket is hemorrhaging votes because everybody’s retired grandpa is showing up to the polls and fuckijg nobody else because they all believe in the glorious revolution and fuck them poor / disabled folks am I right.

She’s not joining the gays, she is an ex cop. She’s not girlbossing, she was literally just handed the presidential candidacy by Joe. Like I love a good shattered glass ceiling too but are you fucking kidding me. She is 59 years old my guy she does not give a FUCK about gay Twitter.

Would it actually kill journalists to write like they don’t have a checklist of new memes to reference every article they write. My guy please just objectively report the news I don’t want to hear about brat summer.

This feels so bah humbug but every article I’ve read looks like a fucking satire piece I would read on this godforsaken webbed site but damn at least it would be satire! They actually mean it on news sites! Her being a woman doesn’t magically make her better at being president - it’s the fact that she isn’t Donald Trump, the guy currently trying to solidify that crime doesn’t count if you’re america’s specialist little boy at the time.

Like yea! She’ll be better than him! That’s not a high fucking bar my guy. We are like 3 inches off the ground with her while trump is subterranean.

Unironically, im glad Biden dropped out. I think it helps to set a precedent that this country doesn’t need yet more tired old men running it. But also don’t get fucking starry-eyed over her being a woman - she ran with Biden for a reason. You still have to stay on her ass about Palestine and reinstating Roe V Wade and protecting gay marriage and trans healthcare. She is not automatically on our side just because she’s a woman.

[saucerfulofsins]

Same anon as before, and wow, you really get it.

And I know we can’t really say for certain what he was meaning in those interviews…he seemed pretty scattered, and maybe he was coming off a certain way and we’re just reading it wrong. But I really don’t think so.

Judging from the stuff people found from his older social media days, he seems like a pretty misogynistic guy, and that typically goes hand in hand with being homophobic and a bigot. That’s just a fact.

I think it’s shitty for him to take a job playing a character that he in his real life would most likely want nothing to do with, but I guess if the money is right someone like that will do whatever.

My husband clocked it immediately and said, “oh this man is way too much of an asshole to play a gay man, he’s hating this.” And I was like, so you see it too??? I guess it wasn’t just my Buddie obsessed brain running into overdrive.

I think it’s a shame because Oliver clearly put so much care into playing a bi character and that meant so much to me as a bi person. Oliver did everything perfectly and is so sweet and gentle about it, and he got stuck with such a creep to do his scenes with. I just hope it’s over soon.

Yeah, so... like I said in the tags on my previous response, I know a lot of guys who aren't homophobic. Like, "will kiss other guys for fun" and "are open to the possibility of being attracted to/falling in love with a man" not-homophobic. (Also, these men are distinct from bicurious because they know they aren't into men).

And LFJ's interview read as the opposite. You know how sometimes people with no knowledge still sound like they're at least accepting, in their own way? This sounds like someone with minimal knowledge trying to pass as accepting. And he's failing.

Even if things are coming off wrong, I think it's pretty egregious that someone who is a professional actor doesn't interview well at all, as well as nobody who wants him portrayed positively stopping the release of this interview. I don't think ABC needs him to be a shining light of representation (I don't think they WANT him to be at this point, the interview matches the vibes in the deleted scene), but his agency not taking measures here is fucking weird.

But yeah. It's the while package isn't it? The egocentrism, the focus on masculine masculinity and being cool, the misogyny he doesn't even CLOCK (sorry but why did Hen have to prove herself BECAUSE shes a woman?), the whole "lgbt spectrum" thing (huerk red flag), the trump support, racism etc etc on top of the uhh nepo baby vibes all of which just fucking send me. So much of this ISNT difficult!

And like yeah, actually Oliver is the opposite end of the... for lack of a better word, spectrum. He uses the word bisexual! He's doing this with a very clear intention, he's very open about Buck, and I'll be honest, I find it VERY refreshing. I know some younger actors (late teens/early 20s) have been cool about queerness, but having someone my actual age have these takes is... very healing, I won't lie. Because there definitely is a big difference in those 10 years and how we grew up?

But yeah, I can't imagine Tommy staying on the show. The fact he was meant to stay for 4 is kinda telling to begin with, and I personally wouldn't be surprised if they leaned into LFJ's creep vibes to aid Tommy's characterization. That's interesting because LFJ doesn't seem to realize any of that which... very telling! Very limited!! Tommy and Buck aren't very close, but for me, his absence during Chim's bachelor party is VERY telling. There's no reason Tommy had to leave, from a writer's perspective. That emergency was fake. It wouldn't have taken much of LFJ's time to be at those shoots, especially considering he was there for some of it anyway. And the party was important to Buck!!!! (Eddie looked so bitchy! The Buddie couple costume to hammer their pairing home! Etc).

So yeah. I fully believe it will be over soon, because there's just nothing there and besides LFJ and a handful of fans, I haven't seen any full support for the pairing... least of all from the show. He's as flat as flat characters come, a complete stereotype, and that for a show that rests predominantly on its characters! It's pretty damning, actually.

I guess what I'm hoping for is Tommy showing up a couple more times, Buck realising Tommy's hella toxic AND recognising his own patterns, breaking up with him, and figuring out not just what bisexuality really means to him but also the kind of relationship BUCK wants (versus someone else prompting Buck/falling for ONE aspect of him and never seeing the rest). He deserves that much, above everything else, and I don't think Tommy is leaving ANY room for that (possibly the least of all his relationships) .

[bucksboobs]

I mean I think it makes sense for heartstopper to not have anything explicit going on as one of them only Just realised he liked boys and the other one has an ED, they do talk about it pretty directly in the show so its addressed not totally unrealistically. But as for fan response yeah there was a weird thing amongst… a certain subset of fans of making a joke/meme out of a single throwaway line in the books where they mention having sex, maybe the accessibility draws that type of crowd but I don’t think that’s the fault of the show/comic itself 😅 esp as things get fairly explicit in the comics later as they get older

I have complicated feelings about Heartstopper. I actually like it in theory as Baby’s First Gay Show (I would have rather had it then Queer as Folk when I was 14) and in theory it’s a uncomplicated cozy, warm, fuzzy story about two young boys falling in love. It’s the definition of Toothrotting Fluff

However in practice, it feels alienating to me as a gay man when the only two things gay boys are allowed to be in the show are Pure UwU Tumblr Softboy who Speaks in Therapy-ese and Pure Evil Rapist who is brought back into the show after the point the comic counterpart had been written out just to be a punching bag for the Valiant Bisexual Girl to yell at and out in front of their classmates and then Get Dunked On by his ex when he tries to apologize and then have The Symbolism Doodles symbolically reject him from the LGBT community and then get written out of the story.

Combined with the complete stripping away of any mention of sexuality outside of exactly One Scene where they discuss the gay equivalent of Waiting Until Marriage, it does come off as incredibly puritan even if it’s justified in-story by Charlie’s ED and I do actually attribute that in part to the source material. Alice Oseman is by their own admission, pretty uncomfortable with the idea of sex and it shows in the way Nick and Charlie are written. As Trixie and Katya put it: they seem like they just want to hold hands at the post office. The show to this point has been very very uncomfortable with the idea that these two boys might be attracted to each other in a not-purely-romantic way, and when the only other gay character that did show some level of sexual attraction that maybe wasn’t purely romantic is Ben Fucking Hope, the implication seems to be that there’s a Right and Wrong way to be Gay in the eyes of the story.

It also doesn’t escape my notice that Love, Victor petered away into obscurity but Heartstopper is seen as the pinnacle of Gay Representation to a lot of people. Love, Victor was unafraid of teenage boys of all sexualities being sexual beings and in fact reckons with it in ways that were VERY close to my actual experiences, like everything with Victor and his mom coming to terms with him having a romantic and sexual relationship with his boyfriend. Disney shafted LV a lot but Netflix has this Pure Sanitized Risk-free Romance on the front page every time a new season comes out and that also just stings. There’s the feeling that maybe if LV had been more chaste, more palatable, it would have actually been a major success.

I don’t want to sound too dismissive of what HS is for a lot of people but to me there’s just something that makes me feel like it was never for me and that could be because I’m too old for it, but it sometimes feels like it wasn’t for me because it’s not for gay men at all.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Once Again, More Fanfic Quotes! Now with Bonus Quotes from DC Comics!

Thermostat: Izuku only likes me for my body.

Tamaki: that sounds a bit risqué

Thermostat: I meant literally.

Thermostat: the side he stands on depends on the weather.

*

A Special Boy: Can I just interrupt to say that I hate when people leave trans people out of the LGBT community? Like what do you think T stands for, triceratops?

jackoff: tricycle

eight feet: tango

Cake Boss: tiramisu

cha cha real smooth: teammate

me me big boy: tetsutetsu

barry benson: tETSTUTETSU

sword lesbian: The triceratops named Tetsutetsu that liked to tango, rides on a tricycle, eats tiramisu and is a true teammate

*

RIDLEY QUEEN: *bakugou voice* welcome tO FUCKING FLAVORTOWN

*

Kirishima: *holds knife, and is about to start cutting the carrots diagonally*

Katsuki: Hand that the fuck over, right now.

*

Katsuki: …wait attention that isn’t annoyance or frustration is a thing? People actually do that shit?

Kirishima: …bro are you ok?

*

OzaiAndUrsa'sLovechild: murder :)

HereComesDatBoi: Agreed :)

GreenOverlord: guys no!

OrangeJuiceGoVroom: i agree.

GreenOverlord: thanks Iida!

OrangeJuiceGoVroom: oh no i was agreeing with them. Definite yes on the murder.

*

“Alright, what have we got?” Momo asked as he closed the door to her room behind him. 

“Smoke inhalation.” [Bakugou] told her. “I’ve got smoke inhalation.”

*

Best Jeanist: how the fuck do i correctly kidnap a child

Snipe: Kill their parents and tell the kid that they were actually monsters sent to pretend to be their parents.

Midnight: Candy or ice cream will get most kids on your side, just make sure you let them pick the flavor.

Thirteen: Maintaining a polite and calm demeanor will encourage the child to trust you.

Naomasa: … Kidnappings are usually committed by family members or someone close to the child so if you’re going to frame someone, I’d recommend using that.

Gang Orca: Just claim they’re your kid, fake DNA test results, and absolutely deny what anyone says to the contrary.

Ectoplasm: Not announcing your intentions in a group chat full of pro-heroes is also probably helpful.

*

“I have no idea how you survived your childhood.”

“My running hypothesis is that I’m immortal. I’ve been testing it rigorously and so far it’s held up.”

*

Eraserhead: You don’t count as an adult unless you can do laundry properly, cook real food, and go to a boring dinner party without someone dragging you there.

Hawks: What do you mean “do laundry properly” you put the clothing in the clothing sink, you put the soap in, you turn it on and then once it beeps you moved it to the clothing oven.

Hawks: It’s not that hard.

*

Elphaba: sucks to be wrong doesnt it uwu

Mine-a: don’t uwu at me in that tone of text

*

“If we’re gay, how does that make us unqualified to kill space aliens? Does being hetero make us more violent?”

*

Actual Comic Books Quotes

*

Kid Devil: AH-HAH-HAH-HAHH! FLEE! FLEE FROM THIS PLACE OF GODLESS SCIENCE! THAT’S RIGHT! You have summoned the APOCALYPSE with your love of SCIENCE! I HAVE COME TO COLLECT YOUR SOULS! You brought this on yourselves! By teaching EVOLUTION!

(Beat)

Robin: Well. It IS clearing out the lab.

*

(Headbutted)

Blue Beetle: AH! That hurt through the armor! What are you packing in there?!

Lonar: JUSTICE!

Blue Beetle: You have a forehead full of justice? What does that even MEAN?!

*

Jaime: Do you think they saw us?

Dan Garrett: We’re five grown men dressed in bright colors inside a clear plastic bubble set against a rainbow background, Jaime. They saw us.

*

Dick: For what it’s worth, how’d I do with him?

Bruce: … Are you asking me if you were convincing as a homicidal maniac, Dick?

Dick: I suppose I am.

Bruce: Then yes, as a matter of fact, you were.

*

Batman: Why haven’t you taken a side?

Catwoman: I’m not like them. They’re criminals.

Batman: You’re currently breaking into a safe that’s not yours.

Catwoman: You know what I mean. I’m not like them. They're unsuccessful criminals. 

Batman: Do I need to worry about you?

Catwoman: (amused) Are you checking up on me, Bat? Are you trying to protect me?

Batman: No. No one needs to protect you.

Catwoman: Oh. Well then, yes. You very much have to worry about me.

(They kiss)

Bruce: (In the present) Afterward, I slept. When I woke, you were gone. With the diamonds.

Selina: OK, yes. But in my defense, I did warn you. I’m not exactly unsuccessful.

*

Gordon: (Rubbing his nose) Just close your eyes and think about retirement.Somewhere warm where the giant turtles don’t talk.

*

(personal favourite)

Black Mask: Somehow, I don’t think you would be surprised at all to learn the life I have chosen can be a lonely one.

Red Hood/Jason Todd: Don’t take this the wrong way, but it might have to do with the whole BDSM theme. Just saying - maybe lose the mask once in a while? (Beat) Like at breakfast, as the most immediate example.

-

These are beautiful.

[millie-mar]

i think i’m in love with you

in which Eddie believes that gay men can be friends with straight guys without there being any subtext to their relationship. duh he’s got a friendship like that! well, had. guess he was proven wrong.

part 2

read part 1

a/n: soooo i think i’m in love with you won in the votes, therefore i deliver to you the rest of the story! in my head this is the finished product, but in near future i could probably write shorts of some adventures they have and parts of their journey :) also i wanted to thank everyone who voted, hope you enjoy 🫶🏻

| 1869 words | modern!steddie | bestfriend!steddie |

Our lips move in a rushed manner, but it’s nothing too heated. It’s more like we’re too scared to go too far, as if we’d cross the invisible line that exists between friends. Many friendships have kept going after kissing in the spur of the moment, and I’m sure our will too. This is just to prove him wrong. He can’t be in love with me and that’s what I’m showing him. Except, his hands let go of my face and take a trail down my neck, chest and to my hips, grabbing them with need. He pulls my body even closer to his, an involuntary moan escapes me and causes Steve to stop. I open my eyes slowly. His hair’s disheveled, lips spread, panting, and his eyes are focused on my face. I see nothing else but the warm brown oh his eyes, they’re sparkling in the darkness of my room. Our close proximity makes my heart flutter, as the smell of coffee and vanilla hovers in between us.

I open my mouth to speak when the sound of the main door opening breaks the silence. Gareth.

“Fuck.” I can feel my head spin as the realisation dawns upon me. I’m standing in my room with my best friend, chest to chest, breathing heavily, with a hard on. This is not a normal best friend behaviour. And I know Gareth will give me a handful if he catches us like this. I quickly grab Steve’s hand, taking him to my bed. I push him to sit down, and he looks up at me, blinking really fast, confusion written out on his face.

“Eddie, this is a bit-“ I cut him off with a finger on his lips.

“Gareth’s back,” I lean forward and whisper in his ear. “Now lay down, pretend you’re asleep and stay quiet. I’ll think of something.”

I straighten up, ready to walk away, but Steve grabs my hand. I send him a look that screams please just do it and that gets him to let go.

I leave the room, hearing Steve sigh and the shuffle on the bed as I close the door behind me. I let a tired sigh escape me and lean on the door. I feel someone’s eyes on me and look up to see Gareth staring me up, arms crossed.

“What’s up man.” His voice snarky.

“Fucks sake, Gareth. You a fucking rogue or something.” My comparison made him scoff.

“God you’re such a nerd.” These words make me want to throw an uno reverse card in his face but I stop myself, seeing the way his eyes stay on me, scanning my face. He always does that whenever he suspects I brought someone home. It’s our house rule; one night stands are not allowed. Gareth and Jonathan witnessed all of my ‘partners’ walks of shame and one day they said they had enough, too uncomfortable with the looks each one of the guys gave them. “Do you have anything to say?” he continues.

“About what?”

“Don’t play dumb Munson. You know our rule.” The annoyance in Gareth’s voice is quite intimidating. His usual grumpy demeanour is something I’m used to, because I know he’s not actually angry or upset. But right now is different. Gareth’s fed up.

“I do. And I’m not playing dumb. It’s just Steve.” I rub the back of my neck, awkward saying his name after what happened in my room. “He had a rough time with his dad. He’s napping in my room.”

Gareth sighs. “Eddie.” His tone shifted, worry filling his eyes. “Listen, I think we should have this conversation.”

“What conversation?” I take a tentative step back, conscious of the fact that Steve is not actually asleep in my bed. Plus the walls are quite thin, and who fucking knows what Gareth wants to talk about.

“You need to stop this whole Steve thing.” The words shock me, so unexpected but yet I kind of saw them coming. As if that makes sense.

“What do you mean? What thing?” I chuckle uncomfortably.

“The longing stares. The constant name mentions in any conversation we’re having. Your smiles when he messages you.”

I interrupt him before he goes any further. “We’re just friends. Best friends. Just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I have to be in love with my guy best friend. That’s so stereotypical, I hate that kinda thing. It’s so stupid.” This time I crossed my arms, taking on a defensive stance and tone apparently. Gareth’s forehead is all wrinkly from how much he’s squinting his eyes.

“I never said anything about love,” he points out. And that shuts me up. I let my arms drop to my sides. Eyes wide, staring through Gareth’s head at nothing in particular. Shit. Fuck.

A loud thud erupts from my room, and a whine follows right after.

“Looks like princess’ awake.” Gareth walks off to the kitchen, hands in the pockets of his black jeans.

I sigh, take a deep breath and face the door. My hand reluctantly pulls the handle and the door opens to reveal Steve sitting the floor by the bed, arms on his knees, head down.

“Steve-“ Before I can finish, he stops me with his hand up.

“Eds, I’m gonna go now. There is a lot for you to think about. To be honest, I need to think a bit too. I- I’ll call you…” He stands up, and quickly pats my shoulder as he walks past me. The door shuts, I let a breath out that I didn’t even know I was holding. It’s going to be a long night.

A week has passed, no message or call from Steve came through on my phone. The third day after our talk I began to think that maybe the signal was fucked, but even when I went to town, I got nothing. The temptation to go and see him was overwhelmingly strong. At one point I even found myself walking down the road where his house is, but I stopped my stalker behaviour and went back home. He promised he’ll call, and I respect his boundaries.

This whole situation is so new for us. Ever since the day we were born, we never went through more than couple days without talking to each other; either through text, call or face to face, we have always talked at least once, twice a week. And I’m starting to feel the withdrawal. When I’m out, I think that every guy with slightly longer voluminous brown hair, an outfit straight from the 80s and a sporty build is Steve. I’m beginning to crave his company and saying I’m confused is an understatement. Gareth’s words have been running through my mind; longing stares, name mentions, my smiles. I hate to admit it but this literally sounds like something a high school teenager would do when they get a crush. Never in my dreams would I think that at the age of twenty would I act smitten. And it does feel weird to realise that, but God does it feel weirder to not act this way. I’m so used to being like that with Steve, it feels like my life is upside down now that I’m not stealing glances at his handsome face when he’s not looking my way. Or ‘accidentally’ looking at his ass when he’s walking up the stairs before me. Or playing with his hair when he’s asleep during our movie nights.

That’s when it hits me.

I get off my bed, grab my keys from the bedside table and dash out the door. I run past Gareth and Jon, grabbing my helmet and storm out the apartment. Their startled voices die down as the main door slams shut behind me. The rain’s heavy, making it harder to see anything in the darkness of the night, but it doesn’t stop me from making my way to my bike. The engine starts smoothly so I put the helmet on and ride off towards Steve’s house.

I manage to get there in ten minutes, which is awfully quick, especially when it’s pouring it down. I get off, completely soaked and leave my helmet on the bike. I run up the set of stairs to the front porch of Harrington’s house. It’s like im in a trance, each step is automatic and my fist hits the door as soon as I stop in front of it. Footsteps from within the house get louder and the door opens, revealing Steve Harrington himself. His hair is ruffled, each strand facing different direction. His eyes are slightly droopy, a clear pillow line imprinted on his cheek. He yawns and seems to finally realise I’m standing at the door as his eyebrows shoot up, eyes widen and his lips part, words stuck in his throat.

“I’m not in love with you,” I say quickly before he gets a chance to compose himself.

“What?”

“I’m not in love with you. I do love you Steve, but I’m not in love.” My breath hitches, so I close my eyes and inhale, trying to calm my heart. Steve’s just standing there, staring right into my eyes, waiting. “There is a part of my brain that you somehow occupy. Everyday I think about you. Your smile. Your cluelessness about everything I like. But also your willingness to learn. You always try to enjoy what I enjoy, but if you don’t you’re honest about it. And you’re so kind, and so hot. Like trust me I’m super attracted to you. Have been for a long time now. I’m pretty sure you were my gay awakening. Or maybe that was Brokeback Mountain. Well you definitely had your part in it.” Steve stops my waffling, shaking his head.

“I,” he pauses. “I don’t get it. Don’t get you.” His voice is shaking, and he puts his hand through his hair, bringing back the Steve hair everyone knows.

“I love you with all my heart. But a part of me doesn’t allow me to be in love with you. Doesn’t allow me to hurt you.” I sigh and Steve looks down at his mismatched basketball socks. “But…” His head shoots up, facing me once again, his eyes are sparkling like they were that night in my room. “I want to try. I need to try. For you. And for us.” I smile.

Steve comes out and wraps his arms around my neck, hiding his face in the crook of it. Wet drops fall on my skin and his body is shaking slightly. His heartbeat is faster, mine quickening up to match his pace. I return the hug, my hair dripping on him, his clothes slowly get wetter. But we don’t mind. We’re engrossed in the warmth of each other’s embrace.

“The past week was hard.” His voice rings in my ear, the warmth of his breath on my neck.

“Excruciating.” I add, leaning my chin on the top of his head. “It’ll be even harder from now on.”

“You know me.” Steve looks up to meet my gaze. Our heights are similar, but he’s slightly scrunched up against me. A smirk on his pretty lips. “I love a challenge.”

[gimmequeerbooks]

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell (review/rec)

Genre: Fantasy

My rating: 9/10

I feel like Tumblr is well aware of these books already, but I figured it was a solid start as any.

Carry On and its subsequent books was such a pleasant surprise! Years ago, I had read Fangirl, another book by Rowell. And I loved it! I also recommend that one, but there are no LGBTQ+ characters or themes from what I remember. In it, the main character, Cath, was writing a fanfic from her favorite book series from childhood, Simon Snow. Simon Snow evidently involved a teenage boy named Simon whom attended wizarding school. Oddly, some sort of event or disaster would happen at this school every year, with Simon and his friends (but mostly Simon), being at the center of it. Simon would appear to be some sort of “chosen one”. Sound familiar?

Carry On, is the fanfic that Cath was working on. From Fangirl, we already knew that it followed Simon through his last year at wizarding school and that Cath possibly made the best enemies to lovers story known to the world of fanfiction. I actually avoided reading Carry On for a long time because I usually really hate Harry Potter fics. Not to mention that I thought it was going to be a lot like other spin-off books that end up just being boring. Eventually, out of desperation to find more queer stories, I caved, and I found out that my assumptions were absolutely wrong. It turns out that Cath really did write an excellent enemies to lovers story!

The characters are extremely relatable, and over the series we get to see how these characters develop from teenagers to young adults. I love that we also get to see how they react emotionally to the things that have happened to them as well. Unlike a lot of Chosen-One stories where the main trio can just take on challenge after challenge and make it out seemingly unfazed, it feels like Carry On pulls back the curtain on what these sorts of characters would actually be dealing with after facing huge, life-altering events. I’d like to say more here, but I’m afraid that I will spoil them!

The world of Simon Snow is also pretty hilarious. Every once in a while, Rowell will seemingly poke fun at Harry Potter’s plot holes or stupid rules. These books had me laughing when it didn’t have me in Deep Introspection Mode. What with its tongue-twisters of spells taken from nursery rhymes and the main villain being named “The Insidious Humdrum”. That being said, while Carry On perhaps has its roots in Harry Potter, it is a complete story in its own right. Instead of being about the up-and-coming Chosen One and the chaos that ensues, Carry On is more-so about how people can and do move on and grow after their world was turned upside-down. Most Chosen-One stories, and really most young adult fiction books, end with high school, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate the Rowell gave Simon and his friends a future beyond just high school. I love how she shows how at every age there are new challenges to face. Life goes on beyond high school!

Of course, I don’t want to forget the reason that these books have made it onto my blog! Where is the gay content!? The main characters, Simon and Baz fall in love, and it’s adorable. Simon doesn’t realize at first that he may be into men, so he has to have a bit of self-discovery there. Meanwhile, Baz thinks he’s pining for a straight boy who could never fall in love with his enemy and rival and hates vampires, like him. It’s like if Malfoy and Harry were to fall in love, except Malfoy actually has some redeeming qualities and proves that he’s quite nice. I feel like this comparison still doesn’t do Simon and Baz justice though. Rowell also shows the awkwardness between first loves and how it may not always be smooth sailing throughout the books. In addition, I have a headcanon that Penelope, another one of the main characters, may be somewhere on the demiromantic and/or demisexual spectrum.

If your in the mood for laughing, some crying (or both at once), discussions about change, and the feeling that you just want to reach into the books to give a hug to people that don’t exist I highly recommend the Simon Snow trilogy.

[bohemian-nights]

There’s something about Nettles that I don’t quite understand- what does the privilege of innocence mean? I’m having a little trouble because what exactly is she guilty of? Bad taste in men?

If I’m being honest, her being Black is the real reason why they don’t think she’s innocent/worthy of being included in the show/worthy of being in a romantic relationship with the “main guy.” Daemon is crazy as hell, but he’s “desirable” so they’ve deemed Nettles unworthy of him and want to pass her off to lame rejects, ahem Jace ahem non-existent Daeron, or say she's a lesbian * when she’s not 😒

I really hate sounding like a broken record at this point, but 99% of the sh*tty discourse surrounding her would go away and she’d be seen as a worthy, an innocent(cause yeah she hasn't done anything bad), and worthy of love if she were white.

Nettles isn’t the first victim of being treated like crap and unnecessarily hated by a fandom for the crime of existing. It’s quite common for Black women characters because people have very little empathy for Black women(and girls). In real life, they have a hard time believing we are innocent or seeing our worth which extends over into fiction. If someone doesn’t believe me take a look at this video(it’s a bit long, but it’s highly entertaining, informative, and relevant given how some people also try to deny that Nettles is Black in the first place 🫠 )

*There is nothing wrong with being gay or being in a same-sex couple, but I’ve seen enough fandoms(and it's getting more common) try to push this on straight Black(ish) women characters because they don’t want her to be with the main guy. It’s racism disguised as progressivism because most people know it looks extremely bad to say “I don’t want my fave with a Black woman” so this is a way to escape the racism charges without outright seeming like a racist.

Hell look how people harp on the show not showing Rhaenyra and Laena 🙄while completely ignoring the fact that they screwed over her relationship with Daemon. They don’t care about the first relationship either(see how they treat Rhaeicent) they just don’t want Laena to be the focus of Daemon’s affections.

[gingerjolover]

hi ging i know this is totally not the place for unsolicited asking for advice so totally ignore this ask if it’s the wrong place to be doing this BUT in short i’m having an identity crisis yay!!! up until very recently i though i was just a very very supportive ally, eg when homophobic things were said around me i was personally offended but was just like noooo i’m just a huge ally i’m not gay!! i love love munagenius, and not just in a “i wanna be friends with all of them!” way, i’ve had crushes on girls irl, but have just pushed them deep deep down and i’m attracted to them and i would date a girl and AND I KNOW THAT SOUNDS SO GAY LIKE I SHOULDNT EVEN BEEN QUESTIONING BUT FOR SOME REASON IM IN DENIAL. it’s like i almost don’t feel gay enough? literally nobody knows because i like men (unfortunate i know) and have been in “straight” relationships all my life. i know nobody but me can tell me if i’m queer or not like this is my shit to deal with but maybe i just needed somewhere to dump my feelings anonymously :p

hi baby!

this is a safe space, you’re always allowed to ramble in my inbox (that goes for all of you!)

i can’t, in earnest, sit here and write, “well if you like girls and you would date a girl, you’re queer,” because i know first hand that it’s not that easy

i was right where you are not that long ago, and i hope i can use my experiences to give you some guidance?? without making it sound like it’s all about me??

we had very similar experiences, i’ve ALWAYS had crushes on women but never realized they were crushes, i was like “no i just want to be their best friend” or “i admire them soooo much,” or “i wish i looked like them” — and while those are totally normal thoughts to have, i also actively was pushing down the idea that i, as in me ginger, could be queer, i didn’t know what queer meant and i didn’t even know that bisexuality was a thing when i was young

i had a MAJOR identity crisis actually like right before i started posting on here consistently, if you look at my tumblr in the very beginning it was literally all “insert male celebrity x reader” because i did not allow myself to look at content that i was not “queer enough” for

denial is something i ALSO went through, i can’t tell you how many times my best friends (both queer) had to talk me down about WHY i was getting so worked about about labeling myself or feeling confused about liking girls, trying to find the root of why i wouldn’t allow myself to say i was queer or even curious about my sexuality

obviously accepting yourself is hard, right? it’s challenging an idea about yourself that is different from what you’ve always known yourself. i struggled so much with this because, like you sweet anon, i was always straight and nobody knew otherwise

self acceptance/no longer being in denial is also hard because there’s so many factors. one of the biggest factors for me was i was living in an environment at the time where queerness was NOT fully accepted, i know that i was going to be unsafe (mentally, emotionally, spiritually) if i had come out. (i eventually did to one of my family members and it worked out but most of them still don’t know)

one of my other things when not feeling queer enough was like “well i haven’t had a lot experiences with women so i can’t really be queer,” and my best friend literally was like “do you tell children who identify as queer that they aren’t because they haven’t kissed anyone?” and i said “of course not!” and he sat there and let me think about it… and then was like “well yeah, see how stupid that sounds? you’re not LESS queer because you don’t have experience, like maybe it’s more intimidating for you, but it doesn’t make you less”… and it’s something i still think about all the time

i know i’m rambling and i’m kinda jumping around but something you need understand and sit with is you don’t HAVE to label yourself! the biggest reason i hadn’t come out (combined with above) is because i couldn’t label myself, i didn’t feel queer enough for any label.

i ended up (after truly months) coming out as bi (not even officially, i just started referring to myself as bisexual and posting stuff on instagram and creating my own lil community) because like you anon, i unfortunately like men😪 (even though i am actively only dating women/nb at the moment, don’t dissect this too much i am still in my identity crisis)

i guess what i am trying to saaaaay is be patient with yourself, you are queer enough, even if you’re just questioning (although it sounds like you were where i was and you’re def not but i can’t tell you that). as long as you are entering this space respectfully and your intentions are pure, you have nothing to worry about sweet anon.

working to get over the “my whole life is going to change” and turning it into “my whole life is going to change!!!” is a way to help with this identity crisis. any change is hard, change is super scary, but as long as you’re in a place where you are safe and healthy, living authentically, even if confused, is so much better than feeling trapped and trying to work through it alone.

i hope this makes sense, i am obviously oversimplifying a lot of the issues of coming out or identifying yourself, i am very privileged that most of my life hasn’t changed since i have come out, and i know it’s not always the easiest/safest for people

i love you sweet anon! my inbox is always open - so are my messages :)

[lesbian-ed]

i’m questioning my sexuality but i keep feeling like i don’t really belong anywhere.. i don’t want to date a man, ever, but i used to have fantasies about them in the past… and i see goldstars here on tumblr saying how real lesbians never question their sexuality, or on the opposite end lgbt activists saying lesbians are “non men attracted to non men” and that they can be attracted to trans women, which makes no sense… yeah i’m just really confused

We've gotten a lot of questions like this, and I'm a goldstar but also have struggled with similar questions myself. I know it can be frustrating to be unsure, and I know how hard it is to feel without community... I think the best advice I can give you is just to allow yourself to be yourself. If you never want to be with men, could never love a man, feel no attraction to men... That doesn't scream heterosexual attraction to me.

If you think you prefer women, but have been attracted to men in the past... Being bi or even febfem (female exclusive bisexual female) is a thing.

We've gotten a lot of questions like this, and I'm a goldstar but also have struggled with similar questions myself.

To me, it helps to think about sexuality as a morally neutral thing. Being lesbian, bi, or het, none of that is good or bad. It just is. It's also okay to be unsure, or even to think you're one thing and then find out you were wrong. Only you know how you feel, and who you're attracted to. Be patient with yourself, you don't have to have all the answers.

Respect yourself and your boundaries. What others think or say doesn't really change who you are.

I feel like gay men get a pass, no one questions them. I know gay men who have had sex with women, even often make out with women but call themselves gay, and no one says they're actually bi, or liars. I feel like men get so much more grace and confidence in their own sexuality, but as women we are made to constantly question ourselves.

What are your fantasies now? What do you want for the rest of your life? Who do you want companionhip from, who do you see yourself loving and cherishing and wanting love from? If the answer is only women... That sounds like a lesbian to me.

[rodolfoparras]

I got a low score on my exam 😞 and I dropped my grade down like it's not my fault I'm dyslexic this is why I like math more it's easier. Also, I got a new doctor for now cause my doctor is on holiday and I don't like them I felt very off. Also is it weird that I'm scared to shave like I've always been big on hygiene and grooming is sort of big for me I'm more on the hairy side but I do trim not too much but enough but I'm scared to go anywhere near my private parts cause I'm scared I will get botched. Also, I kinda miss my dog Pongo it's very close to his death anniversary I miss the little pup. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing something wrong but I don't know what. I feel like I'm gonna be single forever sometimes I love both aspects of a relationship romantic and sexual but it is very hard for me to feel relief from the sexual aspect like I'm never satisfied which sucks I've never had many partners cause I'm more of an in it for the long run type of guy so I only ever had 2 partners and one of them was non-sexual cause we never reached that part. Not only that but I get sad cause I want to have a family of my own someday but I can't cause I like guys and guys can't get pregnant I also want to live on a nice farm or modern cabin someday while having an apartment or house in the city. But I have been going to the gym mainly to build muscle cause I used to be a twig.

- ❤️‍🔥

Sugar I am so sorry your grade dropped but please don’t beat yourself up! Dealing with dyslexia isn’t easy. I’ve always known what dyslexia is but it wasn’t until I was peer grading another classmates paper that I realized that y’all have it fucking hard.

When it comes to doctors I know it isn’t easy to pick and choose your health care professionals but I’d be like ok does this doctor listen to my needs does this doctor help me as long as those boxes are ticked that’s all it matters bc I assume you’ll only meet them limited amount of times? Either way just make sure the doc is doing their job

In terms of shaving there are tutorials on tiktok on how to shave down there I unfortunately didn’t save the video bc this was months ago but I know there’s a YouTuber who does shaving tutorials !!

He went viral for shaving his ass on camera but he genuinely gives good shaving / hygiene advice !

Is it okay to ask when pongo passed away? You see my moms death anniversary is March 28 and I’m sure she’ll happily arrange a party for him 😌

But the loss of a pet isn’t always easy and I know it’s not like losing a relative so I’m giving you all the kisses and hugs and wishing you sm strength and love!!!

The feeling about doing something wrong but not knowing what it is, it’s a very common feeling!! It can be that we have a lot of expectations and goals bubbling under the surface and it feels like we could be doing so much more but I’m genuinely not being cheesy when I say that being alive is enough like I promise you with everything in me

In terms of relationships,a tip I do have is to wait with the sex, yes you’re in it for the long haul but meet as many people as possible without trying to make it sexual

One day you’ll meet someone you click with and whatever you do will become so much more elevated because you’ve spent time getting to know each others likes and dislikes etc

Also sugar it’s very much possible nowadays for gay men to have a family! You can have surrogate you can adopt! There are so many ways!

Also you sound just like my dad his dream is to retire and live on the country side!

Also hello let’s go!! I’ve started going to the gym as well I even have a personal trainer to keep me accountable 😭