#also this is my first post!!

[szampers]

Today while walking in a group, someone approached and tried to make casual conversation with me, probably to have some company to beat the boredom of walking I suppose. Or it was just some small loneliness. Exchanged a few words, it pretty much ended as soon as it had started. There are reasons:

1. I physically could not bring myself to be interested in the subject, not even able to feign superficial interest

2. I am too often indulged in my own thoughts and I'm more than happy to remain there.

3. I struggle to verbalize my thoughts. Even if I happen to be interested, in that case I'd then feel the awful pain of being unable to express myself. That's the situational mutism (prefer this term over selective mutism)

4. I lack a will to talk. Having a spontaneous tendency to make conversation doesn't come to me. At all.

5. Tha hell do I have to say to you

5. The nerves act up a little

These are the main reasons behind my apparent eternal vow of silence! They likely take precedence over one another depending on the situation (and my mood). Moving on.

Even though the entire exhange only lasted 10 seconds or so, it derailed whatever thought proces I had and weighed on my mind for arguably far too long. I thought about how people could simply initiate conversations with each other and keep it afloat, as if it comes to them naturally. To them it probably does, much like how my natural state is to keep to myself unless I have No Other Options. While I struggle to imagine myself freely initiating, seeking and holding conversations, they might struggle to fathom why I've sworn my vow of silence.

An ability to express myself decently and a superficial interest would've helped out much back then. I feel if only I had these two skills, just these two, life would be so much easier. New set of skills do come with a new set of problems, but I imagine they're "lighter" to deal with. It's exhausting to ruminate on one thing constantly: Why. Can I not act like most people do, and how it is severely detrimental if I ever hope to integrate into society. At the very least I should be able to be sociable on a functional level. The bare minimum is good enough for me, as long as it's enough for me to get by without much grievances in life. Unfortunately I only barely reach even this level. Now this is another thing I think myself into oblivion about. Goes in line with the situational mutism.

I'm not obligated to owe anyone conversation, but it really does feel like I've failed a basic task. I doubt faking interest and indulging them would've made me feel much better than shutting it off quickly, but at least I wouldn't be ruminating the crap out of it. They say change comes depending on how much you want to change, and that's seemingly the only solid thing I'm holding onto which keeps me somewhat hopeful.

[redsray]

the funniest part of any Robin meeting the JL is that every Robin is so distinctly different from the previous one in terms of personality and vibes that the league literally gets backlash. and like, I don't blame them. not to mention that they are non-meta children that dress as a traffic light and fight crime alongside batman in gotham on a nightly basis. i'd also be a bit concerned. Batman, literally The Night of Gotham personified in the League's eyes, coming into a JL meeting: This is Robin, my crime-fighting partner. 11-year-old Dick Grayson, dressed in the brightest primary colours possible, vaguely hidden murder behind those eyes, never stops moving even for a moment: Hi! Superman: That's a child. That's-- Bats that is a child. You let a child--? Batman, deadpan: You try to stop him. Would you rather he try and murder a grown man with a wire?

Batman: This is Robin. 12-year-old Jason Todd, with the biggest grin on his face, about 3 books in his hand, stars in his eyes and a distinct street-kid drawl: Hey!!! Green Lantern: That's ... that's a different child. What?? Jason: I stole his tires :) Batman: Tried to. Jason, stage whispering to the League: basically did. Green Lantern: that is a different kid, right?? I'm not seeing shit??

Batman: This is Robin. 14-year-old Tim Drake, bo staff clutched in his hand, a wary and tired expression on his face, more on the quiet side, the literal walking definition of don't judge a book by it's cover: hello Flash: Where do you even find these-- Tim: I found myself.

Batman: This is Robin. 17-year-old Stephanie Brown, literally blonde, with a shit-eating grin, eyes full of nothing but mischief and the most explosive personality you've ever seen: hiya!! Superman: I give up. Stephanie: I know, I have that amazing effect on people.

Batman: This is Robin. 13-year-old Damian Wayne, a literal wet cat that will hiss at you, has a sword, the most judgemental stare you'll get from a teenager, ready to jump anyone there: Green Lantern: WHY DOES HE HAVE A SWORD?! Batman: ... he came with the sword.

[ruushes]

i'm sure there's a canon timeline but dao is a springtime game to me

[hinamie]

to moving forward

[shellshooked]

in another life you would have been more than just a dream

[captainkirkk]

Concept: Peter actually got bitten by a totally normal spider. It's just a coincidence that his mutant powers were awakened around the same time

[aerial-ace]

sick and tired of seeing these ace trainers brag about their super smart badass level 100 shiny mons.

This is Sol. She is a fucking idiot. She regularly forgets that she is a flying type and sits at the bottom of cabinets n such crying cause she doesn't know how to get up. I would die for her.

[kiisaes]

waitress pacifica doodle

[sclappin]

Man whose definition of "monster" is extremely flexible.

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

[clownowo]

been replaying the Portal series I think this is where its heading

[kosalus]

bicep meme 2 electric boogaloo with dame aylin and isobel

[fumifooms]

Omg guys he just genuinely likes bugs and mollusks and critters 😭💘💔 Forced to noble when he just wanna crouch and watch things skitter in the dirt…

[mito-itokondrria]

For @red-sneakers´s post here

[auuwmk]

I put real effort into this

[reineydraws]

i dont have a caption for you lol i'll let shanks's heart eyes speak for themselves 🫶

(source)