#the first time reading it made me very uncomfortable. still does but somewhat less

[szampers]

Today while walking in a group, someone approached and tried to make casual conversation with me, probably to have some company to beat the boredom of walking I suppose. Or it was just some small loneliness. Exchanged a few words, it pretty much ended as soon as it had started. There are reasons:

1. I physically could not bring myself to be interested in the subject, not even able to feign superficial interest

2. I am too often indulged in my own thoughts and I'm more than happy to remain there.

3. I struggle to verbalize my thoughts. Even if I happen to be interested, in that case I'd then feel the awful pain of being unable to express myself. That's the situational mutism (prefer this term over selective mutism)

4. I lack a will to talk. Having a spontaneous tendency to make conversation doesn't come to me. At all.

5. Tha hell do I have to say to you

5. The nerves act up a little

These are the main reasons behind my apparent eternal vow of silence! They likely take precedence over one another depending on the situation (and my mood). Moving on.

Even though the entire exhange only lasted 10 seconds or so, it derailed whatever thought proces I had and weighed on my mind for arguably far too long. I thought about how people could simply initiate conversations with each other and keep it afloat, as if it comes to them naturally. To them it probably does, much like how my natural state is to keep to myself unless I have No Other Options. While I struggle to imagine myself freely initiating, seeking and holding conversations, they might struggle to fathom why I've sworn my vow of silence.

An ability to express myself decently and a superficial interest would've helped out much back then. I feel if only I had these two skills, just these two, life would be so much easier. New set of skills do come with a new set of problems, but I imagine they're "lighter" to deal with. It's exhausting to ruminate on one thing constantly: Why. Can I not act like most people do, and how it is severely detrimental if I ever hope to integrate into society. At the very least I should be able to be sociable on a functional level. The bare minimum is good enough for me, as long as it's enough for me to get by without much grievances in life. Unfortunately I only barely reach even this level. Now this is another thing I think myself into oblivion about. Goes in line with the situational mutism.

I'm not obligated to owe anyone conversation, but it really does feel like I've failed a basic task. I doubt faking interest and indulging them would've made me feel much better than shutting it off quickly, but at least I wouldn't be ruminating the crap out of it. They say change comes depending on how much you want to change, and that's seemingly the only solid thing I'm holding onto which keeps me somewhat hopeful.

[married-2-the-music]

K-pop Discography Deep Dives: WJSN

A Disclaimer: I was planning, when I first started Tumblr, to be a lurker, but then I began an office job and needed something to listen to to keep myself occupied. And then, I started going through entire K-pop groups’ repertoires, album by album, and jotting down my thoughts. And then, I stumbled into K-pop tumblr and decided, you know what, there’s at least four people on this hell site who would read in depth rants about these discographies and at least five who wouldn’t read it and then get mad because it’s kind of our job as K-pop fans. My lukewarm takes should be taken with an entire silo of salt and the knowledge that this is completely for fun and occupying my very bored, very neurodivergent brain. All this to say, for the love of god, I’m a sleep-deprived student and I don’t have time for internet hate, so don’t kill me. With that being said, enjoy!

Here are my credentials: unusually, for a girl group, I have very few. I’ve listened to WJSN before, and I know a decent amount of title tracks and a couple b-sides. I would say I know them best from my half-watch of Queendom 2 (I’m a fan of Loona and Gfriend, so I was more focused on them), which WJSN did win. I was impressed with them there, and I decided that I wanted to learn more about them.

WJSN was formed in late 2015 as a Korean-Chinese collaborative between Starship Entertainment and Yuehua Entertainment. The members are divided into four units, one for each letter. First is Wonder, with Cheng Xiao, Bona, and Dayoung. Second is Joy, with Xuanyi, Eunseo, and Yeoreum. Third is Sweet, with Seola, Exy, and Soobin. And fourth is Natural, with Meiqi, Luda, and Dawon. After these units were formed, a 13th member, Yeonjung, was added as well. After being on hiatus since 2018, the three Chinese members, Xuanyi, Cheng Xiao, and Meiqi officially left the group in early 2023. Sorry, that was a lot of names, so deep breaths and let’s do this.

They officially debuted in 2016 with MoMoMo, which is one of the most bubblegum-y bubblegum songs I’ve seen in a while. It’s basically a k-pop stereotype at this point: lots of aegyo, completely coordinated school girl clothes, short skirts, childish love, and very poppy beats. I associate WJSN with more ethereal pop, so this was a (somewhat unwelcome) surprise for me. As often happens to me in k-pop, while I did appreciate its comic book style animation and humor, the excessive aegyo made me uncomfortable (see my review of TXT’s Cat and Dog or LOONA’s Hi High). This isn’t the song’s fault; it’s exactly what it’s supposed to be, but it does mean I won’t be listening to it again.

I’m unsure if Catch Me is also a single or just an opportunity for a dance practice, but it embraces the other side of k-pop stereotypes: a sort-of anti-drop, girl-crush, uncomfortably-sexualized…thing? that tries a bit too hard to be cool. WJSN’s talent elevates it, but even they can only do so much with a song that doesn’t have any character.

The 1st EP, Would You Like?, starts with an intro, Space Cowgirl, that I actually liked more than MoMoMo, and I wish more of its self-assured, smooth synths carried into the song. I liked parts of some of the songs, like the twinkling piano and extended bridge in Tick Tock, but most of them sounded very similar to other songs I’ve heard, and so didn’t stick out to me all that much. I could name at least five exactly like Take My Breath.

Secret begins the sound that I know from WJSN, still drawing on the poppiness, cutesiness, and high vocals of MoMoMo, but pairing it with more toned-on synths, more pointed voices, and more poised dancing, a combination that would become their staple in the next few years. It’s quite interesting to see it here feeling a little less polished. I totally get why they gained the nickname “Cosmic Girls” now, with all the space inspiration here, and while the song itself is nothing groundbreaking, I really liked that lead-in to the last chorus.

The Secret, the EP, has a couple songs I liked. BeBe leans a bit too far into aegyo for me personally, but I enjoy its boundless energy and catchiness. Also, that harmonizing in the last chorus? Sign me up. I also enjoyed the frizzy electronic background of Robot, which reminded me a bit of an f(x) song, although it felt more restrained than one of theirs.

I Wish has a slightly more funk-inspired opening than Secret, and while it still has the roots of aegyo, I’d say it follows the pattern of their songs slowly getting more mature. Still got the schoolgirl outfits, though. The chorus and its “tell me why” is pretty catchy, I will say, and I appreciated a lot of the MV’s visuals in the social media posts, floating lanterns, and emojis.

From. WJSN’s Say Yes caught my attention with its finger-snapping background and slightly Latin-pop-esque warm acoustic guitar. I thought it provided a good contrast to their very electronic synth-heavy music, and made me appreciate their vocals a lot more, especially Yeonjung and Dayoung. The “juseyo, juseyo” is stuck in my head now, and I’m not mad about it. It makes a great addition to my sleep playlist.

Kiss Me’s intro had me intrigued right off the bat, with its fun surf guitar background, and its continuing through the song made this one stand out. I also liked the harsher hand-clapping percussion mixed with the pop, and that the chorus felt like a much more natural progression of the verses and pre-chorus. Still not a fan of the rapping, which comes out of nowhere, but overall this was a great summer track and it got stuck in my head.

Happy is a return to the bubbly, kind-of sporty concept of MoMoMo that was so popular in mid-3rd gen (Red Velvet’s Happiness, TWICE’s Cheer Up, or Fromis_9’s FUN, for example), and I’d be lying if I said I was as happy to see it as the song wants me to be. I definitely liked the humor and the ultra-saturation of the music video, and ended up laughing a good few times. But overall, I’m not a fan of this concept or this type of song, and this song does nothing to change my mind. Also, I feel like the chorus, though it’s pretty good, doesn’t fit in with the rest of the song. I think it’s the sudden tempo change.

Happy Moment is a full album, so there’s a lot to talk about. I liked the bubbly distortion in Miracle, (honestly I wonder why it wasn’t a single, because it really feels like one), the vocalizing in Mr. BadBoy’s choruses, the minimalistic background of Babyface’s verses, the roller skating rush of Geeminy, and especially the lovely musical catharsis of Closer To You (damn, Yeonjung, what a note to end on!). Again, though, what I really liked were parts and besides Closer To You, I didn’t like any song enough to consider it a hidden gem. I know that Happy leans very much into aegyo, but the names of a lot of these songs felt a bit too babyish even for that, and I don’t think that the album needed to be so long, because so many of its tracks felt like filler. I would rather have a five or six track, great-all-the-way-through EP like, say Sunmi’s Warning or SEVENTEEN’s Haeng-Geurae, than a half-as-good album twice that long.

Dreams Come True, I’m happy to say, builds on the good that both Kiss Me and I Wish started, working in more interesting percussion and more ethereal synths. Funnily enough, it goes so far into understated that I didn’t realize the chorus had started until it was almost over, and while it’s got a good base, I think that it needs a stronger, more obvious hook to turn into a classic. I did really like that delicate bridge, though.

Dream Your Dream, the EP, starts strong with Love O’Clock, which doesn’t bother with a drawn out build-up, instead rushing forward right from the first moment. I liked the harmonizing, the strong drumbeat, and the catchiness. I also enjoyed Renaissance’s swirling and soaring vocals (another b-side that could’ve been a single) and Thawing, despite its odder sound effects, charmed me with its earnestness.

Save Me, Save You was the first WJSN song I heard, and is probably the one that best sums up their style. It starts soft, almost not there in the first verse, then tiptoes its way through the pre-chorus, and with a couple drum beats, that magical chorus takes over and suddenly you’re floating. As mentioned, their songs are often a bit too bubbly or understated for me, but I can acknowledge when a song does its style well, and this one absolutely does. I didn’t even mind the rap! I like the setting of the magic school and the incredibly fast shifting in the eyes between the bridge and the last chorus, but I wish it drew itself out more, to make the best use of that excellent vocalizing.

From WJ Please?, the EP, I really had a good time nodding my head to You, You, You, especially during its bridge and last chorus and I added it to my roller skating playlist. I also enjoyed the hints of flamenco and layered strings in the background of I-Yah, a surprisingly lovely sound for the title. It really reminded me of I Knew It by Sonamoo, one of my favorite Latin-pop inspired K-pop tracks. Masquerade also has a great use of strings, this time combined with a gentle piano, and Hurry Up uses a brightly jazzy beat to add some contrast. These four together absolutely make this my favorite EP so far, which is pretty funny, as all these songs are better than the title.

La La Love’s Carnival setting is interesting, and is the decision to have a pre-chorus that leans into sing-talk. The choice mostly works and doesn’t interrupt the good flow that the song has, and I like the high vocalizing that twinkles around the chorus. On the whole, the song is pretty enjoyable and gentle, but, like I usually do, I wish it had more of a hook that would make it stick in my head. Completely different from the last EP, I didn’t have a hidden gem for this one, though I thought 12 O’Clock was nice.

With how much I liked their last summer comeback, I was excited for Boogie Up. The song is pretty upbeat and on the whole, reminds me of a much more bubbly version of Red Flavor by Red Velvet. It’s catchy, but it has a bit too empty of a chorus for me, and doesn’t innovate on a pretty tried-and-true pop formula enough to stand out. I do like the fun instrumental and the bridge, though. Their bridges are almost always pretty great.

From the EP For The Summer, I honestly really liked the song For The Summer with its bright and flouncy energy (though as I often do, I thought the rap was unnecessary), and the horns were a nice touch. Let’s Dance follows in the stead of WJ Please’s great, Latin-pop inspired b-sides, though I don’t think it’s quite as unique as those.

As You Wish has a very bouncy beat from the beginning, and its excellent electronic sound draws from disco. Its pre-chorus build is great as well, and the chorus delivers, making it both one of my favorite titles so far and what I’m sure will become a fixture on my roller-skating playlists. Its last chorus is delightfully bright, but my favorite part is absolutely that outro, which brings together the vocals and the instrumentals perfectly and should’ve been so much longer. From the EP, also titled As You Wish, I liked the vocal showcase and twinkling piano in Lights Up, and the drumline beat of Don’t Touch.

Butterfly is another song I already knew by WJSN, and its bubbly energy works surprisingly well for me. I think this is the first of their title tracks that has a deeper meaning than an average love song, and I’m very happy to see it. There’s never enough songs about freedom and being yourself, in my opinion. The last chorus’ vocalizations, as often in WJSN’s singles, elevates the song greatly, and its fizzy instrumental brings everything together. The visuals of flowing white dresses and puffy clouds are a great addition too.

From Neverland, while I enjoyed the back and forth, rushing energy of Hola and the string-led instrumentation of Where You Are, my hidden gem was absolutely Pantomime. I first heard it while watching Queendom, and though I do definitely prefer the more 20’s jazz-inspired, more theatrical version from their stage there, there’s still a lot to love here. I especially enjoy how clipped and off-beat it is, setting it apart from WJSN other’s b-sides.

Unnatural is a bit of a darker counterpart to Butterfly, also about not quite fitting into normalcy (hence the title). I really liked the rap in this one, and how well it fit into the tempo. Also, the way the pre-chorus pulls back and then rushes forward is great. I like the more minimalistic instrumentals and how they let the vocals flow and speak for themselves. Overall, I think it’s one of their strongest outings. From Unnatural, the EP, I really liked the mix between WJSN’s high voices and the self-assured tone and beat in Last Dance, though I wish the instrumental was more distinctive.

Last Sequence is, at time of writing, WJSN’s most recent comeback, from a year ago. It also falls into the more minimalistic electro-pop synth style of their last few singles, which of course I’m in favor of. I do feel like the chorus needed more of a lead-in than it has, but besides that, I do really like this one. As always, its bridge is great and so is the lead-in to the last chorus (the yeongwohni, yeongwohni, yeongwohni is stuck in my head now). I didn’t have a hidden gem for this comeback, as it’s only a 3-song single.

I’m glad I did this! Like I said, I didn’t know much about WJSN before this review. But, I’ve learned that they were an important part in making what I now consider a very classic 3rd generation K-pop sound, and their music became the blueprint for many groups afterward. I’ve watched some interviews and had some good laughs, and even seen a couple compilations of their best performances on Queendom. I definitely liked their later music more than their earlier, though, and after hearing their work, I’m sad that they don’t come back nearly as often as they used to.

My Top 5 songs are Butterfly, Last Sequence, Kiss Me, I-Yah, and Hurry Up, with Pantomime as an honorable mention . WJSN gets an 8.25 out of 10 from me. I think that on the whole, their songs are pretty good and there were very few I actively disliked. The biggest issue I face is that I listen to and analyze So. Much. K-pop. (probably thousands of songs by now) and because of that, only the groups that do something unique or innovative, have incredible voices, self-produce, or consistently discuss important subjects in their work really stick with me. WJSN is very talented, but while they have a niche, they don’t really add anything new to what’s been done time and time again.

Next time, I have a very special soloist review coming up, that’s going to come out on December 18th (a day late). If you know your k-pop and my blog, you can probably guess what it is. It’ll be a bit different from a usual review, but I felt like it was time. Tschüss!

[showyoumyfavoriteobsession]

Finished my Mr. Robot rewatch the other night... thoughts

First of all like. God this show fucking rules. It may not be my most favorite show or the show I have the most to say about, but I think it may be the most consistently high-quality show I've ever watched. They had a vision, they knew the story they wanted to tell, and they executed on it and barely ever dropped the ball.

The only thing that I liked significantly less this time was honestly some of the political commentary, and that's more due to the ~changing times~ than the show itself. The grand conspiracy stuff, all the parts about how a shadowy group (led by a Chinese government official) controlled the world and installed autocrats and owned governments, it all just reads very differently post-COVID. Obviously there were conspiracy theories in 2015-2019, but it feels like the show validates them in a way that's kind of uncomfortable now that they're so much more mainstream.

I also am a lot more familiar with DID than I was the first time I watched, so I had a better handle on what exactly was happening between all of Elliot's personalities. The finale, which I remembered being good but somewhat confusing, was much more clear - Mr Robot and Krista pretty much sit down and Explain It All To You, and while the show doesn't use terms like "fronting" and "integration," having that general knowledge made things very understandable. This is a show that learned from the mistakes of Lost (a show that I love deeply) - they make it VERY clear in the last episode which parts are real and which aren't, that what happened in the show actually happened and while there's room for a little ambiguity, it doesn't affect what was real and what wasn't.

I mentioned in another post that I love how every character is a freak, and I stand by that analysis, but I have to emphasize it in particular for the women on this show. The women are so interesting and well-written and fully-realized, and a lot of that comes from the contrast between their strengths and their weaknesses. I love that Darlene puts up a cold front and pushes people away because she's insecure but she's desperately looking for someone to trust. I love that Angela is her foil, someone who's trusting to the point of constantly people-pleasing and being manipulated and tries to make space for her own needs. I love that Dom is a relentless investigator whose brain is always working in overdrive, to the point where she's an absolute train wreck in private, who can't sleep and can't make friends and barely has time to eat or clean. I could go on for every character in the whole show, of all genders, but women are so often neglected in shows like this that it's great to see them full-fledged.

Elliot's closing monologue really got me this time; I've been having a bit of a rough time brain-wise so a good dose of "even when you mess up and make bad decisions and push people away, you are still worthy of love and happiness and the world is changed just by having you in it" was something I really needed to hear tbh. I really love Elliot's character, and especially that he has this optimistic streak that feels so rare for a generally very dark show. Even when his more proximate motivation is revenge or anger, he does everything while believing that he can improve the world, that everyone deserves to be happy and free.

Anyway! I don't have a good way to wrap this up lol, long rambly meta over. I feel like I've drifted away from actually posting meta/general analysis/personal thoughts here because I'm pretty uninterested in engaging in The Discourse, but that just means I end up writing in my Google docs and no one ever sees it, so I might try to start posting more of this stuff again.

[shall-we-go-far-away]

okay, okay ep. 5 & 6: holy shit that was one hell of a ride wasn't it? (maybe whoever is reading this also saw my panicked posts from wednesday, yes I was losing my mind)

I'll try to do this as structured as possible but I can't promise anything so prepare for it to be just as all over the place as wednesday's episodes.. get ready, buckle up I have a lot of things to say:

first and foremost: FUCK YOU TAEHYUNG!! I was trying to be nice last time giving him a second chance and all because yk, I thought maybe just because he was annoying once, doesn't mean he has to be all the time but fuck was I wrong.. is he genuinely so stupid that he doesn't realize how his words affect jaewon or does he just straight up choose to ignore it?? or is it simply the mixture of both because wtf dude?? this guy is so blinded by his jealousy it's crazy like bro, how about you try and make it less obvious?? and considering how angry and uncomfortable he makes me (and jaewon) I was sooo glad jihyun and aeri were there and so happy to see they quickly picked up on how jaewon reacted and then decided to team up against taehyung (rightfully so)

especially jihyun (my cute little bean) was so attentive the entire time he really took one look at jaewon and immediately recognized something was off.. and because he was watching him so closely his reaction to jaewon slamming his hand on the table came almost naturally

moving on to aeri, I still think she's a bit much but that's probably because I'm introverted as fuck and she's clearly not.. I do really like her and jihyun's dynamic and loved their little class-skipping-shopping-sequence like you go besties!!

back to the junior-senior get together: that cut to jaewon being absolutely wasted was kinda scary and really shows how much he's struggling with everything and that he doesn't know how to properly cope with it.. and this little part of dialogue really stuck with me so once again props to jihyun for this simple yet very deep response

"you're not acting like yourself."

"hey, what is 'acting like myself'?"

"that's up to you."

I just feel like jaewon never heard something like this, he always had to fit into this box that the people around him created for him so someone saying who you are is up to you is complete news to him

harsh cut to jaewon waking up and the flashback with his brother: that shit hurt!! for some reason I expected his brother to be closer to him age wise (not that this would make him dying any less horrible) but when I saw jaewon with this little boy that just shattered me and jaewon just sitting there sobbing and desperately trying to put the camera back together was so painful to watch

skip to the beginning of episode 6: the scene of them in the car was also kinda hard to watch seeing jaewon so out of it like he wasn't even fully there (a quick round of applause for lim jisub who portrays this haunted look very well) apart from that I really liked that even though jaewon didn't answer jihyun's question he didn't let go and kept asking until eventually he gets an answer from jaewon

and now we're at a point where things started to get a little confusing for me:

while watching I felt like something was off, I couldn't pinpoint what it was (most of the time my brain has all the pieces of information but I can't put them together) but the episode felt different and then I saw a post on here (I tried not to read too much because I wanted most of this post to be my own impression) that said we might be seeing everything from jaewon's blurry, medication induced view which is why some things don't seem to add up and I think that's true or at least somewhat close to what was happening

I was actually debating which route to go with because so many possibilities about what was actually happening in ep. 6 came to my mind at first I actually thought jaewon might've overdosed in the car and ep. 6 didn't happen at all but were a hallucination or nightmare (what made me think that was the weirdly bright lighting and everything looking kinda blurry which always was an indicator of a dream or something unreal happening in any sort of media I've ever seen) but I don't think so anymore I would actually go with what I mentioned above and this blurry look comes from jaewon's medication

OOOR they chose this lighting to show how this entire trips feels like a dream because it's only jaewon and jihyun, completely separated from other people and far from their actual lives so of course that feels somewhat dream like

what I'm trying to say is: I don't think the entire episode was fake

I think making it all fake would be a waste of an episode and judging from the rest of the show so far it doesn't really seem like something the creators would do.. I think?? (maybe that's why I want some of the theories here to be true so bad because I don't want this episode to be wasted as a dream or whatever)

I would also agree with others that jihyun is probably fine, maybe a little shaken and scared but not physically hurt.. I think we see the accident happen from jaewon's pov and he's imagining it way worse than it is

nonetheless that shit scared me, how the entire mood switched and went so dark all of a sudden and then jaewon screaming jihyun's name.. I think the worst part were the silent credits and damn, that silence was loud.. let's just say, I cried..

alright, I think that's it.. I kind of lost focus in the end so idk if I actually said everything I wanted to but I think I covered most of it

[aliensmoothie]

I WPULD. LOVW TO KNOW SO MUCHABOUT BALONEY . i think the fact that he's in the bg3 universe is amusing to me . i hope hes been getting up to shenanigans . i love that he outdrank some guy

HE HAS IN FACT BEEN UP TO TONS OF SHENANIGANS . him and ast*rion are on slightly less thin ice than usual which maybe doesnt bode well for baloney's moral compass atm but he is pleased to be getting more info abt the man at any rate . he gave shadowheart a flower and it reminded me of the flower scene from tftb and i cried a little . i dont think baloney has romantic feelings toward shadowheart . but it was cute nonetheless HER LITTLE ' HA JUST KIDDING ' AFTER SAYING IT WAS POISONOUS WAS SO CUTE . i was pretty neutral on beloved shart at first but now i belove her alot . he has still not stopped travelling with wyll they are besties forever to me . baloney is like wyll's pet decrepit old man who has mostly good intentions and is only sometimes overly violent .ALSO FUN FACT HE HAS OUTDRANK PEOPLE BEFORE HE DID IT IN A DND CAMPAIGN I PUT HIM IN . he ALMOST outdrank the whole party . but the ( i think ) warlock just barely beat him .

also . coughs . let me go dig up the summary i wrote about his backstory . grins completely insane .

ok . smiles . SO . Bloney is from a town called bone-dry ( which also has it's own whole lore google doc but thats another story ) which in short is a small town surrounded by it's own graveyard in the middle of a salt desert . he is the middle child of . like 13 ? i dont have the number written down anywhere but i think that is right . anyways he's somewhere in the middle . he has always been just a very strange child . standoffish and always smiling at inappropriate times and not very good at talking with people , and spends most of his time reading whatever reading material passes through the town through trade , and then cataloguing all of it . HE ALSO catalogues any stories he can get out of the travelers who pass through ., and anything the people in town tell him . that said . he is standoffish and people in town are just kind of made Uncomfortable by him . so this effort does not ever bear much fruit for him . can youtell i am projecting my autism experiences onto him BAD . one day when he is a fairly young adult , his eldest brother dies under somewhat mysterious circumstances . on that same day , baloney finds himself lost out in the desert , and almost dies too . all he remembers is wandering , trying to find his way back home for hours and hours , and as the sun beats down at him he collapses and goes unconcious . he wakes up to a raven pecking at his head , and when he wakes up it starts to fly away , but stops and lands a few feet away and looks back at him . and when he follows it , it leads him back to town . from then on , he does not remember how he ended up wandering through the desert , and he does not remember that his eldest brother is dead . they never find his body , and with nothing to bury they just erect a gravestone in their vast graveyard with nothing underneath it . this whole experience combined with baloney's newfound memory issues give him a . warped view of death . where he never fully believes someone is dead , just missing , sick , or is generally in some kind of denial about it . ( BG3 BALONEY I THINK THIS GOES ANOTHER WAY WHERE HE BECOMES SORT OF OBSESSED WITH DEATH . though i dont know much about the durge stuff yet SO we'll see . we are talking about canon baloney for the most part here anyways though . if the durge stuff doesnt spell completely otherwise there should be some overlap still smile ) ALSO since that day , a small number of ravens have been appearing in town , which tend to folow baloney . or maybe the other way around . at any rate , baloney find that the ravens are most interested when he tells them tales of the dead ( or in his mind the sick or the missing ), which starts when he talks to them about his eldest brother . over the years he spends nearly all his time combing through the town's graveyard , and telling whatever stories he knows at the dead . he gets *really good* at piecing together stories of these people's lives from what limited information he can get from the rest of town . and without him knowing , the raven following him and listening to his stories were a weak manifestation of the raven queen , who was over time building him up to be her cleric . after many years he notices the ravens have started flying away from the town and not returning . at this point he is familiar enough with the ravens that their message is clear : he needs to leave town and seek out more knowledge of the dead . his one wish being to figure out how to heal these " sick " people , to talk to them and find their stories from the source . all of that building up to him being a death domain cleric LARGELY FOCUSED on necromancy . smile . also i have been playing with the idea that he is the one who killed his oldest brother . my only roadblock being that im not sure Why he would have done it . alas . it is a neat concept !

[subarus-gentle-butterfly]

MIU'S RELATIONSHIPS

With Canon characters

With Subaru:

Miu took a liking to him when they first came in contact, just not super romantically. She was drawn to his cold exterior and noticed/thought he was very lonely. Without thinking about it, she started to go out of her way to do nice things for him, wanting to make him smile. She noticed the calming effect she seemed to have on him and that made her want to understand him more. She feels like she can relate to him somewhat, which makes her want to get closer. She started to develop feelings for him through watching him. They have their fights and arguments, but it never deters Miu for too long. She'll be way too embarrassed to admit it, but she is absolutely smitten with Subaru. "Even if Subaru didn’t like me back, I'm just happy to watch him and be by his side."

With Reiji:

Miu is generally kind to all of the sakamaki brothers, but especially towards Reiji. She does almost anything he asks right away and to the best of her ability. She is very grateful towards him for allowing her to stay in the mansion, however suspicious it seemed. She looks up to him as an older brother, and he finds her tolerable because she is so obedient and kind-hearted. He lets her browse through his bookshelves every now and then, and they can talk about a good book as well.

With The other Sakamakis:

She cleans up for Shuu for the most part and hums along to his music. They’re friendly, but she’s still really shy and gets flustered at his lewd jokes and comments. She wants to think of him as a big brother, but he doesn't stand a chance against Reiji. She gets annoyed by Ayato because he teases her all the time, but she never really does anything about it because she’s lowkey scared of him and she doesn’t like confrontation. She doesn’t really agree with his type of fun, but she still tries to be kind to him as she is with the rest of his brothers. She is very wary of Laito, mostly because she think's he's a bit… overly perverted. She wants to understand him a bit better, but sometimes she feels uncomfortable being alone with him, he makes her really nervous for some reason, and she doesn't like it. Miu can handle Kanato fairly well. She enjoys sweets herself and has always adored stuffed toys. Although Kanato can be kind of stubborn, she thinks he's cute and at the very least tolerable.

With Kou:

She really only got close to Kou while she got really close to Momo. Kind of like a package deal. Miu loves him almost as much as she loves Momo, and loves to watch the two of them sing and dance together. She thinks he can be a little two-faced at times, but she doesn't hold it against him at all. Overall, Miu believes he is a good person, and she trusts him as a friend.

With The Other Mukamis:

Miu gets along with Ruki fairly well, as they share the hobby of reading. Sometimes they can chat about books they've both read, and sometimes they talk about Momo as if they're her dad and her auntie. Miu thinks Yuma is kind of intimidating because he's so big and tall. Momo has told her many times that he's not that scary, but she still gets a little nervous around him. They don't have too much in common, but they do share recipes sometimes if Miu likes something he's cooked when she stayed over. Miu likes Azusa. There isn't much to say about their relationship, but she can understand his masochistic side and obsession with knives. She can get uncomfortable around him sometimes, though, because she gets reminded of her own sick addiction

With the Tsukinamis:

Miu is scared of the two brothers, and knows just from looking at them how powerful they are. Carla is most scary and she would rather die than make him upset in the slightest somehow. Miu favours Shin a little more because he's similar to Momo in her eyes, so he's less scary. Plus he's Saki's boyfriend. She tries to stay out of their way the best she can, because she doesn't want to get caught up in trouble she knows she could not get out of even if she tried. She doesn't know a lot about them besides their immense power as founders.

[make-mine-movie]

The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1949)

The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad is the last movie of Walt Disney’s Wartime Era. It was released in 1949 and has a Rotten Tomatoes score of 94%. This movie is a segmented film similar to the others of its time, but consists of two stories which correlate to one another, retelling notable novellas from the 18- and 1900s.

The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad is a fun combination of classic stories that was entertaining and quite frankly hilarious. Unlike the other films of its time period, it has relatively consistent plot and theming. The Wind in the Willows was exceptionally funny. My only qualm with it was the use of derogatory word typically used against Romani people used by one of the characters to describe the cart Mr. Toad was traveling in. The rest of this half of the film was very comical and even somewhat relatable. My favorite parts were the aforementioned “TOAD ARRESTED” bit as well as Mr. Toad claiming, “Police? I’m not afraid of the police,” and as soon as someone knocks on the door he goes, “It’s the police,” in this absolutely horrified tone. As for The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, this part was less entertaining than the prior, but still enjoyable nevertheless. As someone who has read the novella, albeit for a class, the animated adaptation is pretty accurate to the original source material. I also liked how the narrator made fun of Ichabod the whole time, even if unintentionally. The only thing that was kind of unnerving in this segment was the treatment of one of the background characters, a petite fat woman named Tilda. Brom Bones, who I should note is one of the antagonists and not viewed in the most positive light, uses her for his own means to get to Katrina, a woman he considers prettier and more worth his time.

In conclusion, The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad is by no surprise my favorite movie from Walt Disney’s Wartime Era. It was both objectively and subjectively better than the prior movies in this time period. Overall, The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad receives 8 out of 10 stars from me, a great score. It lost points due to usage of a slur as well as its uncomfortably negative treatment of the only fat woman in the movie. Additionally, this movie had consistent speaking roles unlike some of the others beforehand, so this score does include whether or not it passed the Bechdel Test (which it did not pass). The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad received a point back for its music, which was exceptionally jolly and very fitting for the film.

Summary of the film under the cut.

The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad consists of two stories: The Wind in the Willows and The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. It begins with the prior, a story featuring Mr. J. Thaddeus Toad as its protagonist. Mr. Toad is a fun-loving, rambunctious character who loves traveling and causing trouble. His family estate, Toad Hall, is currently going bankrupt because he owes most of the town money. This responsibility falls under his exasperated bookkeeper, Angus MacBadger. Mr. Toad has other friends as well, Water Rat “Ratty,” Mole, and Cyril Proudbottom. When Ratty and Mole ask where Mr. Toad is, Angus MacBadger tells them that he is traveling with Cyril. When confronted by his friends, he explains his philosophy of “travel, change, excitement,” and leaves. On his way he sees a couple of men driving a motorcar, which he is very enthusiastic about. He becomes so manic about obtaining a motorcar that Ratty and Mole strip him of most of his clothes and lock him in his bedroom to prevent him from spending more of the money he does not have on something he does not need. Mr. Toad sneaks out the window in the middle of the night. Once the camera pans away a newspaper is flown at the screen; it reads “TOAD ARRESTED.” The next scene shows Mr. Toad on trial for apparently stealing a motorcar. He acts as his own defense attorney, calling Cyril to the stand as his first witness. Cyril explains that he and Mr. Toad were out and about when they stumbled upon a bright red motorcar outside of a bar. Mr. Toad goes inside the bar and asks the bartender, Mr. Winky, who owns the car. The car belongs to a group of weasels. Mr. Toad offers to create a trade with them for the motorcar since he has no more money. The thing he elects to trade is Toad Hall. When Mr. Toad is seen out and about with the motorcar he is arrested under suspicion for stealing it despite the fact that he bought it. However, when he calls Mr. Winky to the stand, Mr. Winky denounces this recount, claiming it untrue. Mr. Toad is imprisoned. During Christmas Cyril visits Mr. Toad in prison under the guise that he is his grandmother. Cyril gives Mr. Toad a disguise, and he escapes pretending to be an old woman. At first he gets away with it, but the police catch onto him. He flees on a train he steals, getting shot repeatedly by the police, but not getting hit. He then purposefully plunges into the river below, the ball and chain still around his ankle. He begins to drown, but then shows up at Ratty and Mole’s house. Someone knocks on the door and barrels in, Mr. Toad panicking that the police have found him, but it is actually Angus MacBadger. The four of them talk about how Toad Hall has apparently been taken over by the weasels, who Mr. Winky is the leader of. When they arrive at the manor, sneaking in through a secret passageway, they notice that the weasels all fell asleep drunk, and Mr. Winky is also asleep with the deed tucked into his shirt. The four of them devise a plan to get it back by leaning over the side of the balcony and lowering Mole just enough to grab the deed. One of the weasels catches onto the plan and alerts the others to what is going on, causing chaos to ensue at Toad Hall. In order to confuse everyone, Mr. Toad throws a bunch of paper airplanes around, making them all look like the deed. Somehow the group of friends escape with the deed, and Mr. Toad returns a hero, free from prison and once again in possession of Toad Hall. The last scene of this segment features him flying away on a plane, once again preaching, “travel, change, excitement!” The Legend of Sleepy Hollow begins by introducing its protagonist, Ichabod Crane. The narrator characterizes him as peculiar, tall, and lanky. He is traveling to the town of Sleepy Hollow, where he has been hired to be the new schoolmaster. The narrator introduces another important character, Brom Bones, to the story. Brom Bones is a strong and proud young man who is the head of the social sphere in Sleepy Hollow. When Ichabod gets to town everyone is so taken aback by his appearance and demeanor. After he adjusts to his new home it is further explained that Ichabod is especially social with the women around town and is very food-motivated. The narrator then introduces the last significant character of the story, wealthy heir to a prosperous farm, Katrina Van Tassel. Katrina is exceptionally popular with all of the men in Sleepy Hollow, but she constantly keeps them on their toes, never actually showing particular interest in any one of them. Ichabod is intrigued by this new figure, but the more he thinks about it, the more he considers how marrying her would benefit him - he would have plenty of food and money from the Van Tassel family farm. Ichabod attempts to court Katrina, giving her favors and helping her clean up. Brom Bones witnesses this and starts competing with Ichabod over Katrina’s affections. It appears that Katrina is favoring Ichabod, and she invites him to her family’s annual Halloween Frolic. The two of them dance there for quite some time before Brom Bones forcefully cuts in. Towards the end of the event the group gathers to tell ghost stories, and Brom Bones sings about the Headless Horseman, “the worst” of all of the local haunts who “goes a-joggin' 'cross the land

[thebeautyoffanfics]

Idk if you already made this but Hanako, Kou and mitsuba jealous Hcs with their girlfriend that is quite popular among the students pls? thank u!!

hanako x f!reader, kou minamoto x f!reader, mitsuba sousuke x f!reader

a/n: sure thing!! No worries, I haven’t made it yet :D you’re so very welcome, and thank you so much for requesting!! I love jealousy headcanons tho I don’t think I’ve ever written them? I hope these turn out alright, and I’m so sorry for the time this took!

warnings: jealousy?

word count: 1,936

Hanako <3

Oh boy- can I do anything but wish you luck?

Hanako is already a fairly clingy and jealous guy, that’s practically canon. He’ll stand between you when you’re talking to anyone, and I mean aaaaanyone. He just can’t risk losing you!

(It’s got a whole lot to do with his insecurities, of course- while he wouldn’t admit it, not wanting to drop his “ah? I’m just an innocent little boy, free of issues and perverted thoughts <3” attitude, he does struggle a lot. He’s a ghost, a murderer, and imperfect in more ways than those. You’re popular for a reason. You’re so pretty, so kind, so lovable- you’re alive, and probably have morals. What are you doing with a dead murderer?)

Wow, ANYWAY- we’re here for jealousy, not Hanako’s issues, though they will probably resurface shortly.

Seeing everyone around you… always wanting your attention, always complimenting you…

You deserved it! He thought all of those positive things and more-! But… at this point, so many people admiring you, why were you still with him?

Even if you explain to him constantly that you love him dearly, and wouldn’t leave him for anyone else, he still gets somewhat possessive. Eventually putting the “but why does (Y/N) still love me,,” aside, he just wants others to keep their hands off you :((

It’s no fault of yours, and he acknowledges that! But it’s the fault of others getting so close to you >:((

Though they can’t see him, when people go up to you, talking joyfully- he’s standing there, arms wrapped around you, head on your shoulder as he glares daggers into their souls.

BRO IF SOMEONE FLIRTS WITH YOU OR TOUCHES YOU??

You’ve never seen him super angry, much less murderous. He doesn’t want you to see him that angry normally- but holy moley is he about ready to beat someone.

Yet, he’s still just a ghost- plus if he did something Teru would exorcise him, booooo. So, he settles for continuing to glare, standing between the two of you, hitting their arm if it’s resting on your shoulder. Once again, they’re completely unaware of it, but you aren’t!

“Hanako, you know I won’t leave you for them. They’re a classmate, I barely know them, really.”

“But they want to know you. And I don’t want them to know you… they’re gonna try and take you from me, (Y/N)!”

“I won’t let them take me, you big dummy. So, if you could please let go of me so I can get back to class?”

“No :((“

Not only does he cling to you, of course- though he hugs you bunches and squishes your face just because you’re cute- you can also expect a lot of kisses. Ranging from quick “hey, I’m here, and please don’t choose someone else over me”, “hey, my kisses are better than theirs!! Here’s proof!”, “you’re my girlfriend, not theirs, and if they keep treating you like you aren’t taking I’m going to stabby stabby (but I can’t stab cos Teru’s here, but I would if it wasn’t upsetting)”, etc, etc. It’s… almost strange how easy it is to understand what he means from the way he kisses you- but, I digress!

Overall, he gets jealous fairly easily, and gets very clingy when jealous. He’s not amazing with words, so he wants to show you that he loves you with actions!! However, those actions, more often than not, end up just being… clinging to you, and glaring at people who try to get too close to you.

(RIP Akane, Kou, and Nene for bearing witness to you walking around the school with a visibly angry Hanako. Though the worst the others get is the feeling that someone is staring at them, they get to witness his jealousy from off to the side.)

Kou Minamoto <3

He’s nearly completely opposite from Hanako, actually! He doesn’t get jealous very often, trusting you to actually tell him if something were wrong in the relationship. And, when he does get jealous, he does his best to not show it.

He’s not fond of being jealous. It makes him feel like he’s betraying you…? Like him being jealous is the same as him saying that he doesn’t trust you. But, similarly to Hanako, he trusts you. He just doesn’t trust others quite as much. Not with his very cute and very pretty and very sweet girlfriend :((

While it takes a lot to get him jealous, two things that really can make his temper cut short are (similarly to Hanako) when someone outright flirts or touches you. Especially if they touch you and the two of you aren’t at least friends-

If someone flirts, he’s going to casually slip into the conversation, if he wasn’t there already. A quick “hey, (Y/N)! Wait, sorry, I didn’t realize you were talking-“, then he’ll stand next to you, grabbing your hand lightly. One thing about Kou is, he does his best to be gentle all the time! Even when he’s jealous, he’d never ever hurt you intentionally-!!

If someone’s touching you, he’ll hop into the conversation as he does when someone flirts, adding a “I need your help with something, when you can.” This time, or any time really, if you’re uncomfortable you can use it as an excuse to get away!! Kou’s got your back!!!

If it’s been a day where people just constantly seem to be needing your attention, he’ll start to let his jealousy get to him a bit. It’s not even that some people like your attention- heck, he gets it! He likes having your attention as well. It’s more that… they constantly need your attention. Someone always needing something, even when he just wanted to have a conversation with you :((

In that case, he’ll be slightly clingy, and slightly pouty. Almost like a young child. His lips will be pouted slightly, eyes looking a bit lower to the ground than usual. His hand will be secured in yours, and your shoulder will be lightly pressed against his.

“Kouuu, tell me what’s wrong~,” You spoke, poking his cheek with your index finger. When he was like this, it was easy to tell he was embarrassed about whatever he was pouting over, and not upset over something too serious. It was the perfect time to mess with him.

His face would flush as it usually did- and he’d look away, pouting a bit harder as his eyebrows furrowed slightly. “It’s nothing, (Y/N), really.”

“You’re pouting. Come on, now, you really can tell me. I promise I won’t think of you any less!”

“…it’s just… well- well, seeing all those people around you all day, and I couldn’t really… even get to talk to you. You even had to leave early during lunch-! I’m not angry or anything- it’s dumb, it’s dumb, really-“

“Awwwwh, Kou! Don’t be jealous, sweetheart! It’s not dumb, I actually find it sweet. You know I’d choose you over any of those people. I’d much rather spend time with you than them, but it’s not exactly easy to say no… but, if it makes you feel bad, I’ll make sure they know that, at least, lunch is off-limits.”

“Y-you don’t have to, but… that’s up to you.” (AKA “I want you to, but I don’t want you to feel obligated to do something just for my sake.”)

Overall! Kou’s going to be a sweetheart, even when (not very often) jealous. He doesn’t want you to think he’s silly or not trusting of you when he does get jealous- so he does his best to hide it? Still, he fails, since he can’t help but want to be at least a little closer to you!! Plus the way he pouts- he’s easily read in most situations, and that type is no different.

Mitsuba Sousuke <3

Ahh, where to begin… I suppose the same way I’ve been beginning the other two-

Mitsuba is… a complicated jealous boy? He gets jealous rather easily- and… doesn’t admit it, but makes it painfully obvious. He thinks he isn’t being obvious, but it’s practically plain as daylight.

As he does all things, he masks his jealousy in insults at first! Making his way into whatever conversation or interaction your having, offering an ‘uninterested’ “what’re you doing?” After that, he criticizes every little thing the other person does- his levels of mercy depending on how much the person deserves it.

A quick question? Minimum amount of insults. Maybe one, two if they drag it out.

Just having a normal conversation? More than a short question, but not an excessive amount. If they drag it out too long, the insults go up.

Flirting? Lays the insults on THICK. Plus, after a moment, an annoyed and rather cocky sounding: “why haven’t you gotten lost already? Can’t you see I’m (Y/N)’s boyfriend? You idiot. Moron. Pervert. Who talks to a taken girl like that??”

Touches you? Doesn’t even happen. They reach for you, and he’s smacking their hand away. “Idiot. What right do you have to touch my girlfriend?? That’s invasive. Gross. You’re so weird, trying to put your sticky little hands on her.”

But! If it’s a situation he can’t interfere with, be it because he’s dead and the other person’s alive, or in which the people needing your attention goes on for too long- he enters Sulky Mitsuba Mode.

Don’t get me wrong, Sulky Mitsuba is still full of insults, just… sad. In those times, as a ghost, he can’t help but wonder if you’re content in the relationship. Look at you… popular with other students- other students who could leave the school, buy you things, and such. He was a cute ghost, but he was a ghost. He wasn’t even really Mitsuba- he wasn’t the classmate you once knew. How hard was it for you? Yet, you gave it your best to get to know him again-

Luckily, Mitsuba has the ability to tell himself “if (Y/N) did that much for me, she must at least care.” However, it won’t get rid of all his doubts- and he’ll still sulk once you finally catch up with him.

“Hey, Mitsuba! Sorry, I’ve been busy!”

“Mh? Have you? I’ve barely even noticed you were gone.”

Terrible acting skills, Mitsuba. He looks annoyed, his voice sounds uninterested, but… it’s still somehow easy to see through his little act. He’s jealous, and you’re bound to be aware of it.

Take a seat next to him, and he’ll scoot away. Be patient- when he’s jealous, it’s like approaching a stray cat. No sudden movements or you’ll scare him away!

“I’m sorry, Mitsuba. I know I’ve been caught up today, and I’m really sad that I haven’t seen you much until now. Did you have anything you wanted to do? I’m all yours now!”

“Tch, whatever. I don’t have anything I want to do, so just leave it be.”

Ah… do I even have to mention that he’s stubborn. Apologize a bit, he’ll dismissively forgive you, and go from there. Lighthearted conversation, asking him about his day, talking about yours- slowly move closer to him, and! Next thing you know, his heads on your shoulder as he rants about something that happened.

Overall, Mitsuba does get jealous rather easily! He’s stubborn as always, partnered with his insults constantly ready to be fired- it’s interesting when he gets jealous. He never outright admits that he trusts you, and doesn’t consider much more than “I’m feeling a bit jealous since this person keeps taking (Y/N)’s attention, but he’d never put the blame on you. Just… like I said, be patient, and don’t get too offended.

[scandalsavagefanfic]

Hello! I am a huge fan of ur writing. I've loved everything I've read of yours. I've read alot of what you've posted, except for a couple of the tags that are squicky for me (so I'm very thankful you tag very thoroughly). No judgement for the squick, it's just not for me. & when I'm having a bad day, I usually just go thru ur ao3 and find something to reread. I think about Therapy's Bruce & Jason every damn day. While I obvs appreciate ur darker more "problematic" content (I really vibe with some of the themes you write about bc of my own trauma, & so it's very cathartic to read about in a fictional setting), I am truly a sucker for ur more happy content. The Happily Ever After verse also lives in my head rent free. Idk more wholesome stuff just seems more special when you write it. Anyways. I would die for you. But the point of this ask is cause I'm curious as to why you don't like Urban Legends? I'm sorry if you already talked about it here or on twitter and I missed it. I was just wondering because I really enjoy your take on things and would love to hear why you dislike it. I've been enjoying it so far personally, but I am always open to DC comics criticism.

Aw thank you so much! I'm so flattered by everything you just said. You're so sweet ❤❤❤❤❤

I haven't talked about Urban Legends here or twitter (I haven't been very active in either place lately. Just a lot going on and no energy 😔) but I'm happy to do it here.

Before I start though, I just want to add a standard disclaimer and make it clear that if you like it, there's nothing wrong with that and you don't have to let me ruin it for you lol. Like what you like.

That said, since you asked...

I said this when I was talking about it on discord, that there is a difference between hope and expectation. I always hope that a new story centered on Jason (or anyone really, but things have been especially egregious for Jay for 15 years) will be good or at least treat the character with a minimal level of respect (to be honest, the bar is super fucking low). But my expectations always temper my hope, to keep it from getting unrealistic. Because my expectations are based on experience.

The long history of Jason Todd, since even before his resurrection, has been one of retroactively trying to make him "a bad seed" in order to absolve Bruce of any responsibility in his death.

I don't even expect DC or their writers to start honoring the fact that Jason was not an angry, reckless Robin (and less of the later than Dick or Tim and definitely Damian). There plenty of ways that retcon can be folded into his history and be compelling and sympathetic. And if they're going to stick with that retcon, I'm only asking that they do it in one of those compelling and sympathetic ways because Jason was 15 when he died, heroically, in one of the most selfless acts in comics, to save a woman who literally handed him over to be brutally murdered. He was 12 when Bruce plucked him off the streets, he'd been homeless and fending for himself for at least two years. I personally think that Jason's story hits harder for him and Bruce if their original, canon relationship, of Jason as starry-eyed and eager to learn and absolutely devoted to Bruce and Bruce to Jason, is preserved. But Jason's origins does leave room for a meaningful interpretation of him as angry and frustrated at the lack of meaningful results of Bruce's methods.

And that's really where my irritation at stories like Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer and Batman The Adventure Continues has it's roots.

Every time one of these stories comes out, I think (or hope, rather) that this will be the one that remembers and respects the origins of the Jason and the Red Hood, that takes into account the changed sensibilities of comics readers in the 30 years since Jason's death and the subtle, 20 year, retroactive campaign to make him the "bad Robin". The "born bad" trope is played out and literally no one likes the message it implies. That some kids are just bad eggs and there's nothing parents or the adults around them can do. Especially when it's played as the kid's fault. If Jason's time as Robin is going to be characterized by anger, then it should be rooted in anger at the social injustices he witnessed as he grew up in an impoverished, crime-ridden, area and the horrors he faced raising himself when every day was a battle for survival. There are topical, meaningful, stories to tell with that backdrop.

But those are never the stories we get.

⚠⚠ Spoilers for Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer ⚠⚠

I'm particularly disappointed in Urban Legends because for the first issue, it looked like that was the kind of story we were going to get. I was put off by the first flashback of Jason being mesmerized by Bruce's guns, and I got that feeling in my gut that it was a bad sign. Jason depicted as impatient and overconfident and the scene with the guns is heavy-handed foreshadowing that got my spidey-sense tingling. I had a inkling then (in the first three pages) of how this story was going to play out, but it was early and I could still see many narrative paths that could lead to a satisfying story. My concerns were soothed somewhat and the little flame of my hope fanned, with the flashback of Alfred scolding Bruce, with Barbara's concern for Jason. A bit of worry returned with the way Jason ruthlessly pursued an addict who didn't appear to be a dealer and with the ending of the issue. The stuff with the addict sat wrong with me but the ending was tempered some by how despicable Tyler's dad was written. The scene was clearly set so that the reader could sympathize with Jason's decision and the scene with the addict could be brushed aside as a side-effect of comics over-the-top need for constant action, so I still held hope.

Issue 2 made me uncomfortable and it's where my hope starts to take a backseat to my expectations. I can dismiss Jason's self-deprecating internal monologue as unreliable narration, except that the flashback reinforces his thought process to explicitly show that it's not unreliable narration, and should be taken at face value. Jason faces physical abuse at the hands of his mother's drug dealer and when the flashback continues later, Jason kills the drug dealer. To be clear, this is a pre-Bruce Jason. His mom is still alive. He's like... 10. He kills this guy for shoving his head into a wall and implying Jason's mother paid for her drugs with sex. This is a scene that serves a single purpose. To show that Jason has always been prone to violence.

In the spirit of full disclosure, there is the small chance the drug dealer might not be dead. But the story obviously wants the reader to think he is, and it hasn't done anything to change that yet.

Starlin already did this story with The Diplomat’s Son in 1988 and he did it infinitely better. AND that’s still technically canon. So now I’m supposed to believe that Jason lost his cool bad enough to kill two douche bags before his sweet 16? Like it’s totally normal for abused kids raised in poverty, who’ve led hard and heartbreaking lives to just... haul off and kill people? That’s bullshit, and when taken with the Jason in the third issue, who is little more than an idiot thug, this story is really doubling down on some fucked up stereotypes.

Which brings us to the most recent issue. I went into this installment with very low expectations. I thought this story was going to be about Jason, through this experience with Tyler, a young boy with a similar background to Jason's, coming to the realization that Bruce's way is the best way and that Bruce did his best by Jason.

That would be annoying (in no small part because it takes increasingly absurd levels of plot armor to keep Bruce's no kill rule relevant, let alone irrefutably right). But I can probably live with that, if only because maybe if Jason officially falls back into line with the Bats crusade, maybe I'll get stories that treat him with respect, stories that don't relegate him to comic relief, dumb brute, or a background body with no lines in a story about the Joker burning Gotham (like Jason would just fucking stand there quietly for that).

And that may still be where the story is going, Jason realizing Bruce is right.

But holy shit do I not have the right words to describe how fucking insulting and gross issue three is.

From start to finish--including the flashback--Jason is written as cruel and fucking stupid. Like straight up dumb.

The entire issue is Bruce explaining the fucking basics to Jason like it's his first day. And Jason flies off the fucking handle and terrorizes a doctor he knows isn't a part of making the Cheerdrops, beats the shit out of some random addicts, and finally, when he can't accomplish anything on his own because he's a dumb brute he calls Barbara for help and rushes in with no information where he's promptly incapacitated and must now wait to be rescued by Batman.

This panel is the least of the issues sins but I can’t screenshot the entire story but it’s representative of the tone for the whole issue (and retroactively tainted the prior two issues).

This is beyond insulting. The only conclusions Jason comes to in this issue are the ones Bruce leads him to by talking to him like he can’t make the simplest connections. And like... in this story Jason can’t make the simplest connections.

This (and the Jason throughout the entirety of this issue) is a far cry from the Jason we fell in love with in Under the Red Hood, who was competent and strategic and intelligent enough to seize control of Gotham’s underworld from Black Mask (who’s no fucking slouch, he’s the first and only person to unify organized crime in Gotham) AND elude and manipulate Bruce until the time and place of his choosing.

This is a far cry from even the Red Hood and the Outlaws Jason who is competent enough to fight the League of Shadows and Ra’s al Ghul (among very dangerous and skilled others) and smart enough to create antidotes for mind control nanotech viruses.

As he should be, by the way. Jason Todd is one of the best, most comprehensively trained fighters in DC’s stable of non powered vigilantes. He’s not irrational or hot headed. He’s pragmatic, tactically minded, and patient. He’s a detective. Right now. Has been since he was 12. Bruce doesn’t have to make him one because he already is. 

Jason is not a stupid thug who uses his fists because his brain doesn’t work. And I can’t tell you how so very exhausted I am by this narrative. 

This is actually the most egregious example of Jason’s skills and intelligence being not just undermined but dismissed entirely. Even Morrison’s Jason had some degree of competency. 

The one, single redeeming factor of this story is the art. It’s beautiful. And Marcus To is a godsend he seems to be one of only a couple of artists who remember that Jason was a child when he was Robin and I’m literally only buying this book because of him. 

Anyway, I’m sorry. I didn’t want that to come out so... um... passionately lol. I’m just very very tired. My intention with this isn’t to ruin it for you, if you like it, that’s fine. 

But this issue shot this story to the top of my "Vehemently Despise” list. 1) Batman: Urban Legends (Cheer), 2) Battle for the Cowl/Morrison’s Batman and Robin, 3) Batman The Adventure Continues.

I hope the next issues somehow salvage this dumpster fire. But I’m not expecting it.

(Damnit. That sounded harsh again. To reiterate, I’m not trying to judge anyone who enjoys it, I just personally hate it and you asked me why lol 😅)

[honeydew-mel0n]

Plz oh great author. I would just like... some dadV content. Just like. V and a child reader. Plz.

This probably isnt what you expected but, here's V being an adopted dad for a 5 year old reader in the ruins of Redgrave. It's not good, but its work. Ig

V x Child! Reader

Dad!V in the rubble of Redgrave.

You hide under the remnants of your bed. The ripped mattress and splintered frame providing little shelter from the horrors that lie beyond your eyelids. You weren't asleep, but still subscribed to the belief that the monsters couldn't get you if they thought you were asleep.

The sound of footsteps approaching lit a flame of hope in your heart, only for it to crash down the moment you heard the monsters come again.

It was so loud, crashing, screaming... were they fighting? If it was battle it ended quickly. And whatever entered your room won. You let out a soft whimper, curling into yourself. The foot steps approach the mess you called a bed. The sound of the mattress being pulled slightly made you burst into tears.

"Well, what do we have here?"

You open your tear filled eyes to see an adult, his black hair and dark clothes. "Mommy left me again- Are the monsters gone!?" His face was almost devoid of emotion. "Yes." "Are you sure?" At first. A smile smile splits his face as he offers you a tattoted hand. "Positive, little one."

_

We've seen before that he could care less about children at first glance, but the mentioning your mother leaving you caused him to instantly attach to you.

Alone, afraid, but this time, no way to protect yourself.

Deep down something inside of him told him that he needs to protect you. To take the job that your obviously useless mother could not handle.

You latch onto him quickly as well, your new protector. You think he's so cool, with his weird clothes, tattoos, and the funny things he says.

The second night he had you, you fell asleep pressed up against him as read a loud.

_

"When we see not thro the eye. Which was born in a night to perish in a night. When the soul slept in beams of light..."

He stops, green eyes boring down at your sleeping form. Your little hand wrapped over the edge of the corset under his coat. A small smile splits his face. Dispite all you had gone through, you still held peace. You would smile up at him after minutes of tucking your head into his side to hide your eyes from the gore that went on in front of you.

Your resilience is unyielding, and he cant help but admire that. It can make him forget that you are just a child. But now, layed out against his heart, he can see your vulnerability more then ever. You were so talkative, so kind, so soft, so... so... human. So very human. Just as he is now.

_

After some time with him, you'll be able to recite whole poems. And god he's never been more proud.

Technically, he's homeless, so finding somewhere safe for you to sleep is his first priority.

You never sleep alone. Never. Either he or one of his familiars is with you.

Scratch that, you are never alone.

He wasnt surprised by Shadow's fondness of you, but was by Griffon's.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah pip squeak, just don't pull on my feathers anymore."

V is easily annoyed, especially by people who talk too much. Unless it's you.

He can sit and listen to you chatter on in excessive detail about the random things you know.

Maybe that's why you and Griffon can get along. It's a constant back and forth of random facts and jokes that go right over your head.

You just like that he talks to you, he likes that he can make any joke and you won't get upset or offended.

V however, hates that he does this.

Seeing as how V tries his best to shield you from the world. You've already suffered so much.

He takes on the task of "dad" rather quickly.

_

You close your eyes tight as he pours the water from his cupped hands over your hair. V hums softly as he scrubs the filth from your skin. It was rather uncomfortable, taking a bath in a fountain, but it wasn't as uncomfortable as caked on dirt and splatters of demon blood. "We're almost done, I promise."

As soon as he found you to be clean enough he takes off his long leather jacket, dispite it just getting dry, he pulls you out and wraps it around you. He lays out your now dry and somewhat clean clothes and let's you try to dress yourself. Shadow letting you lean on her as you tug your clothes back on.

The warmth from fire used to cook the demon meat is enough to make you feel sleepy, if the exhausting day wasnt enough. You leaned against V's side, curling into him. His arm coming around you, assuring you that you're safe.

_

He accepts that he's pretty much your father very quickly.

But it hurts him. He knows what he has to do, and when that happens, what will happen to you? Who could he possibly trust to care for you?

He takes you everywhere, and doesn't let anything touch you.

It's truly Infuriating to him that he doesn't have the strength to carry you. Of course you ride on shadow, but when they handle demons you are left to mercy of the world.

The two of you being attached at the hip leads to a lot of confusion.

Mostly from Nero

"Why the hell do you have a kid???"

When he finally gets to settle down in Nico's van, you get to lay down for a nap.

And he leaves again, he leaves you to sleep. It was safe and he knew you would be fine there, and you definitely needed to sleep.

Nico, surprisingly, didnt mind you.

The entire time he was so nervous. It's been weeks, and this is the first time you haven't been with him.

When V eventually returns, he finds you chatting Nero's ear off. He didn't seem to mind though, he sat quietly with a smile as you talked.

It hit him then.

You could be safe without him.

_

He watched you fiddle with the metal fingers on Nero's devil breaker as you spoke. The young man making the fingers move, to your delight. Your eyes glowed and you looked up at Nero, he nods to what you're saying with a wide smile.

All of the worries in V's head melt away, but are soon replaced with a feeling of melancholy. You would be fine, you would be safe. Without him. He steps in, your head snaps to him, joy spreading on your features as soon at you realize. You run up to him, hugging his leg tightly.

It wasnt long until he has to leave again, and he knew it was the last time he would see you. And somehow, you knew something was wrong. Your small hands rest on his cheeks, sadness written on your entire being. He pulls you close, whispering to you softly. "I will see you again my little one. I will see you again."

Tiny arms hold tight around his neck, warm, wet tears slip down and fall onto his skin. "Are you sure?" "Positive, little one." You hold on tight to him, even after he lets go. Theres a soft whisper, bairly audible. "I love you, daddy." Then, you let go.

Getting to wave him off while holding onto Nico's leg.

_

He knew he wouldnt see you again, either he dies, or becomes one again. The likelihood of seeing you again with both of those options is little to none.

But he feels peace, you'd be safe. You are safe.

He gets weaker and weaker.

He's been close to it before, but this must be what dieing feels like.

Before reuniting with his other half, he still tries to make sure that you will be okay.

His crumbling body is leaning on Nero, hobbling to the end of his life.

"The child... If you survive, take care of them."

[autisticandroids]

sorry about this. i don't know if it's worth apologizing for this shit anymore but this is a particularly bad one. anyway. #mpregpocalypse.

okay so like. before i start this post. here's some background reading. not all of it is directly related but all of it has to do with vibes.

x / x / x / x / x / x / x / x / x / x / x / x / x / x / x / x

anyway. been thinking about a really horrible mpreg au, as is my trademark apparently. in this case it's like. okay. season six. dean and lisa break up. we're assuming that cas is doing like. a good amount of deanwatching so he's like. paying attention. monitoring.

so like. at time of breakup, lisa was like. two weeks pregnant. it is dean's. so cas is like..... well i don't want dean to be tied to this woman since he clearly doesn't want to be. but i don't want to just destroy what is technically his progeny. so what if i just. yoinked it. and kept it in stasis in my grace. for the future. when dean is Ready To Retire And Be A Father. yeah. i think i'm being called to do that.

anyway once he goes godstiel he's like. well, dean can retire now :3. in fact, he will retire :3. nothing will ever touch or bother him again :3. also i am god and can do what i want :3. so why not :3. why shouldn't i have dean's baby :3. so he sort of. impregnates himself with the stolen fetus. but like, he isn't godstiel for that long. less than a month probably. and then of course he walks into a lake.

now, i'm going to play a bit fast and loose with the timeline here, such that cas comes back somewhat earlier and then stays catatonic significantly longer. but like. okay.

cas comes back as emmanuel and he is not like. really visibly pregnant. not obviously so. his clothing is baggy and comfortable so you can't really see it. and emmanuel didn't know he was pregnant.

then cas gets his memories back and is like ooh! how about i lie to dean about this and don't tell him that i stole his and lisa's fetus and impregnated myself with it. i can leave that as a problem for later-me to deal with. and then he takes on sam's hell memories and goes catatonic, without ever telling dean.

but now like. now it's time for reading is fundamental. and cas is now like.... eight or nine months pregnant (or like, the equivalent, whatever that is). like he is visibly, obviously pregnant. he is also like. avoiding things in a different way than he was before.

so when dean shows up cas is immediately like, hi dean! look i'm having your baby isn't that wonderful? and leaps into dean's arms bridal style.

and this is like, a whole nightmare. because like. first of all dean didn't know cas was pregnant and dumped him in an insane asylum. second of all dean is like. so angry with cas. and he desperately wants to take that anger out on him. but in canon reading is fundamental, he can't, because cas is too vulnerable and too avoidant, and it makes him feel guilty. this is intensified hugely here, because cas is all the things he is in reading is fundamental and also pregnant.

dean also can't really demand that cas fight for them, either. i mean, he could, but it's a significantly more uncomfortable proposition.

and also like, cas won't really give an answer when asked how this happened. or rather, he does give an answer: "dean gave me a child when he made love to me under the beautiful moonlight." but that's... obviously untrue. like, dean and cas have never had sex. like cas would really like it to be true, and he's in a mental state where he can make himself believe something if he really really wants to. but dean knows it isn't true, so he's like. what the hell is going on.

dean decides that it belongs to someone else, and cas has just decided that dean is the father because maybe he wants to please dean, or maybe the circumstances of conception were bad in some way. he suspects crowley as the actual father. the other option he considers, that cas somehow acquired dean's dna and impregnated himself on purpose, is too uncomfortable to consider. it suggests among other things too much... knowing queerness, on cas' part.

anyway the main purpose of this au is the literalization of cas being corrupted and made vulnerable by dean in reading is fundamental, like. the literalization of "it took everything to get me here." and thinking about how dean would react to a cas who he absolutely cannot be angry with, who he absolutely cannot force to fight. like, the honey cas shtick actually fully working and deflecting dean's anger. but there's some other notes.

one: if they actually end up in purgatory, cas still runs away from dean. he gives birth alone in purgatory, and when dean finds him, he has the baby with him. they don't really talk about it, and cas still doesn't tell dean where the baby actually came from. like when he eventually tells dean it will definitely be post purgatory.

two: the baby is going to be like. fairly monstrous. like technically it has two human genetic parents, but there are several factors that make it not very human. first of all, cas, when he was godstiel, did alter it to make it more his own. because he wanted it to be his and dean's baby. so it's definitely a nephil. in fact, more than a nephil, since cas is significantly more than an angel at the time. second of all, it did share a womb with a LOT of leviathans so there is some... leftover effect from that. it's a little bit leviathanish, definitely. not to mention all the monster souls. third of all, there's the whole thing of cas spending most of the pregnancy with hallucifer (which is imo a chunk of lucifer's grace) in his head, so that must have some effect. basically that baby is a fun new species and has many terrifying traits. it's probably a flesh eater.

consultants on this post: @seragamble, @smokerdean, @kenobians

[bostonbashers]

mercs react to a cuddly/affectionate s/o! ~

i swear i got a whiplash reading all my requests and i got like 10 of these, thinking the requests just repeated when it really didn’t. every anon requested a different person, so i decided to do all of them in one post.

i swear it’s ooc as fuck but i’m still learning. :’)

@slasher-cxm you asked to be tagged so here it is!

i hope you enjoy! ❤️

-

Scout:

secretly, scout is hella touch starved and yearns affection even if he doesn’t admit it out loud. he always dreams about the day he could share that affection with someone he’s willing to spend his life with.

but of course, as flirtatious and confident as he is in public, his walls can be easily taken down with a simple touch from his s/o. if they were to kiss his cheek softly out of no where, he’d melt into a puddle and think about it the rest of the day, a smile plastered on his face.

he pretends like he gets embarrassed when his s/o shows affection in front of the other mercs, wanting to seem tough in their eyes but honestly just indulges in it, knowing he’s a lucky man to have this kind of opportunity.

despite that, he’s just as cuddly and affectionate as his s/o, often initiating it whenever they’re alone. he’s all mushy around them, often pinching their cheeks and holding them endlessly, and is literally like a child asking for attention.

Soldier:

doesn’t care what anyone else thinks and he doesn’t stop his s/o from doing it. in fact, he encourages his s/o to do it and “asks” them often; “give me a hug, cupcake! the best one you can!”

you know he’s about to show his s/o off to the other mercs, chest puffed out proudly as they hug his torso, following him. “don’t you maggots wish you had this?!” he’d say with the biggest grin ever.

uses it as a challenge sometimes. if his s/o gives him a kiss on the cheek or hugs him, he’ll return it back twice as hard. the look on their face always drives him to continue and makes him feel accomplished.

Pyro:

pyro is the most expressive one. they absolutely love it to bits and gives them just as much love and affection in return, maybe even more!

he lets out a comically happy sound whenever they initiate contact and gets clingy, not willing to let them go, no matter the circumstance. besides, it’s not like anyone would force them to let their s/o go.... we all know how that’s gonna turn out.

spends every minute of the day holding their hand happily, refusing to separate, and skipping as they walk. their other half tries to catch up with them but knows they’re just ecstatic to receive such attention. overall, just a happy and energetic person.

Demo:

doesn’t mind it one bit and loves it a lot actually. he’s not ashamed to show nor return affection and definitely loves the attention he gets from his s/o.

just as affectionate with his s/o and the fact that he’s always drunk only assists with that more. he becomes clingy and always has a hand on them too, whether it’d be one on their back or an arm around their waist.

most of him gives you attention because he absolutely loves you to pieces and knows you deserve nothing less but a small part of him does it because he refuses to see you be affectionate with someone else. he’s not very fond with sharing.

Heavy:

heavy is a big giant cuddly bear and he will more than likely satisfy his s/o’s needs without a reason from them. doesn’t mind holding them whenever they need it and also loves it when they do the same.

if someone tried bothering his s/o while they’re in their mood, cuddling him in peace as they sleep on his lap, he’d send them a displeased expression. “nyet. do not bother. it is cuddling time.” he won’t even bother listening to the other persons reason, shooing them away, “come back later.”

the best person to be affectionate to. he’s literally the warmest amongst all the mercenaries and also the best to cuddle, seeing that he’s very soft with his touches. all it takes is his s/o to ask him to do something and he will get to work right away.

Medic:

doesn’t mind it for the most part but prefers bigger pda moments to be done in private. he’ll outright ask his s/o for his comfort but try to seem as friendly as possible when doing so.

when they’re in private, they’re welcomed to show affection to him while he does his tasks and finds that it puts him in a much better mood. his favorite moments are the ones where his s/o hugs him from behind, laying their head on his back while he works on his tasks. 

while his s/o is affectionate and touch starved, he does sometimes need his space to think and focus. he’ll let his s/o know beforehand that he needs to finish a certain task and when he does get around to doing so, he places a soft kiss on their cheek and thanks them for their patience.

Sniper:

embarrassed by it at first. he’s not used to the whole relationship game and is absolutely not used to the newly found attention that’s been suddenly put into his life.

he tries to avoid it at all costs and doesn’t really know how to follow along whenever his s/o would initiate it. he stays paralyzed, unsure of what to do but give him a few weeks and he’ll somewhat warm up to it.

then he’ll find himself feeling less cranky everyday as he grows used to the affection, often expecting it whenever they’re around. he won’t show major affection, like full on making out with his s/o or kissing them deeply in front of other people but he will begin holding their hand or kissing their cheek constantly.

he only realizes how much of an impact it’s made in his life when he’s forced to spend the night alone in his camper due to his s/o being out to visit some people. sniper shifts uncomfortably, unable to sleep for the first time in a while and he lays there wide awake, wondering how the hell he used to live his life without their attention.

Engineer:

you know he can’t say no to you, even if he really tried to. he wouldn’t say no anyway, understanding that everyone needs affection here and there from time to time. also he thinks it’s absolutely adorable.

when his s/o stands on his doorway or looks at him with a certain expression, maybe even throwing in a small hand hold here and there, he’d look down at them with a blush and a smile. “that time of the day, honey bee?” and proceeds to entertain their needs, no matter how shy he is.

if he’s unable to be there for them during the times where they need him, he’ll substitute it with something that can do for the time being. for example, he’d make a plush for them to hold around or leave one of his shirts behind to replace him until then. he’ll be sure to give them a big kiss and hug when he makes it back to the base.

Spy:

will most definitely entertain their needs. he’s a sauve, romantic man and they don’t need to expect anything less of him as he will spoil them with affection.

sometimes the other mercs get fucking sick of seeing you two constantly being all cuddly and lovey dovey with each other openly to everyone’s eyes, but spy doesn’t mind one bit. if they were so bothered by it, they could look away.

can be as affectionate as they want him to be. his lover wants a hug? he’ll embrace them warmly while he caresses their hair. his s/o wants a kiss? count on spy to create the most unforgettable one ever to exist.

[skellebonez]

14. With a possessed monkie kid? (Doesn't have to be my au, i just crave possession stuff rn fbsbfb)

Oh you gave me so much power. I have too much power. I had to write this ASAP before Friday, I did not want the idea I had to be tempered by what happens in the finale. Since this is supposed to be set a couple weeks after what could possibly happen. Spoilers if you haven’t read the summary for S2E10.

This may not be in your Possession AU, but it takes a little inspiration from it because I love it!

Warning: vaguely described injuries, blood. Reminder that I think Macaque can be severely hurt but is immortal to the point he can heal any injury.

Am I scaring you?

“Hey- don’t scream it’s just me- You guys seen MK around?”

Despite Macaque’s request, Pigsy and Tang continued to scream. It wasn’t surprising, really. It wasn’t every day that an enemy your friend/person you see as a son just revealed to you a couple weeks earlier had attacked him twice in ways that had left him pretty messed up and questioning his choices and abilities just pops their body from the shoulders up out of the shadows on your wall without warning. Doubly so when very shortly after learning all this that person does a heel face turn and joins your side without technically joining it against everyone’s will and is still kind of an asshole.

The immortal monkey needed to work on that last bit. Maybe he could upgrade from “asshole” to “jerk face” in the eyes of Team MK if he brought drinks. He didn’t really care though, he just wanted to make his own life easier. At least Wukong had been... somewhat open to letting him stick around, given MK convinced them to talk when they were too exhausted after the giant mech battle to actually fight each other, and that made their joint training sessions with MK much easier. That still took getting used to.

"Has MK been acting... off to you lately?" Macaque asked after Tang and Pigsy stopped screaming and levied him with unhappy glowers at the intrusion. One more note to add on the ‘things he should probably stop doing if people want to not hate him’ list, announcing himself better. "I know I'm kinda knew to this whole ‘technically not being a bad guy and caring a bit about other people’ thing and all but he seems..."

‘Not being a bad guy’. Nailed it.

"Dead inside?" Tang deadpanned. "Yeah, we kinda noticed."

“A little more blunt than I was gonna put it but yeah,” Macaque stepped out of the shadows fully, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly as Pigsy grabbed a wooden spoon and held it. A warning that he would not hesitate to chuck it at him at the first excuse he needed. “He’s been acting odd around both me and Wukong. Which, you know, given everything that happened I get it, but he hasn’t come to his last three training sessions at all.”

This, unlike everything else he had said, seemed to make the two men pause.

“What do you mean?” Tang asked, pushing his glasses up and looking at him oddly. “He’s been leaving for those on time like normal.”

“Ah, well, you see,” Macaque chose his next few words carefully. Being honest, truly honest without theatrics or planning in advance to help him, was a new undertaking for him so he stumbled through it. “The first time it happened Wukong astral projected to him and they talked and he seemed ok enough, like he just needed a break. The next time it happened I kinda... followed him? Just to make sure he was ok, no evil shadow business! He just kinda wandered downtown the entire time, looking like he was lost without being lost. If that makes sense. But yesterday he did the same thing so I did the same thing and I found him just kinda... sitting in front of the entrance to DBK’s old hideout?”

Instead of making the two men more concerned, this seemed to make them both deflate.

“Yeah...” Pigsy said softly, lowering the spoon just a bit. “He’s been doing that. We, uh... we had Mei follow him a couple times on deliveries because he was acting off. He did the sitting thing a few days ago too, just while he was on break or if he finished his deliveries early. He’s been doing that a lot lately, like he wants to get things done fast so he can do whatever he’s doing.”

“But he isn’t even doing anything!” Tang said, gripping his hair with one hand. “It’s like he’s just... sitting? Like he just wants to be alone maybe? Sandy’s been talking to him, trying to help him with the cats and everything, but he thinks he needs to see his therapist instead... I think he’s right.”

Macaque frowned for a second before forcing a wide smile on his face. “I thought so. I think Sandy may have the right idea too, you should talk to him. OK BYE-E!”

Before the two men could react he fell backward into the shadows and dissipated. He had somewhere to be.

~

Just sitting... no. Macaque was sure of it now as he watched MK sitting in front of the hole that still had not been filled since DBK had left the Flaming Foundry, cloaked in shadow behind littered debris. His conversation with the Monkie Kid’s elders confirmed the immortal’s suspicions.

MK was waiting for something.

And that meant something was deeply wrong.

He hadn’t lied to the duo in the noodle shop, but he hadn’t told them the full truth either. Macaque had been following MK for the last week, already knew about Mei himself, partly out of curiosity at first but also out of Wukong’s own insistence. He was worried for his successor and knew that Macaque could keep a quieter eye on him than he ever could, and Wukong... Wukong and MK, despite their renewed training, were not on the best of terms right then. Not after he learned what the vacation really was, not after he learned that his mentor knew about the White Bone Spirit the entire time. They were still close! Closer than MK was to Macaque when he trained him at least, just. Strained.

Watching his two teachers finally talk for once and work out what actually happened all those centuries ago, showing that Wukong wasn’t just an unflappable hero but a person who made mistakes and had worked to better himself and would continue to do so because he was a person, probably softened that a bit. He was still upset but much less so in the week after the defeat... but this last week it was like all that had been undone too quickly. It started slowly, but after four days it was like they were back to the day he learned the truth but so much worse.

For the last three days MK was so quiet, reserved, completely unlike the loud and excited guy Macaque knew and like he just wanted to be left alone to sit and not interact with anyone. Tang said he was acting like he was “dead inside”.

That... wasn’t an entirely incorrect descriptor. It was like he was hollow and just going about the motions. Or like he had closed off everything inside of himself for some reason.

Wukong was terrified. He’d been talking to MK every day he didn’t come to the island to train via astral projection, and Macaque had just watched another conversation between the two end half an hour earlier. Macaque tried the same thing but didn’t get nearly as far as Wukong had been, and talking to him like this seemed to make him less likely to just up and leave (the few times Wukong had just come to MK instead made it clear how uncomfortable he had been, ending the conversations with a quick jump from the staff before Wukong could convince him to stay, so they decided to go with what made him more comfortable to find out what was happening).

So that was how they operated. Macaque watched MK. Made sure he was at least physically ok. Wukong talked to MK, didn’t force him to come to the island and wouldn’t show up unannounced. But despite them communicating more than they ever had it was like he was telling Wukong less than he ever had before. The one thing they didn’t tell him was what Macaque was doing.

“Am I scaring you?” MK suddenly said, loud enough for only Macaque to hear. His tone was... wrong. “You’re not nearly as sneaky as you think you are, Six-Ear.”

“What?” Macaque shot up and out of the shadows, eyes wide. MK had never called him that before.

The man before him stood, back to him and headband and coat oddly still in the blowing wind.

And then he jumped.

“MK!” Macaque reacted without thinking, diving down the hole after his Wukong’s student. He knew that he would be just fine, he could handle being thrown into a mountain so he could handle jumping down a giant hole, but the sight was too sudden and horrific for him to remember that at the moment.

Except he wasn’t there. When Macaque landed, the crash of his boots hitting the rocky ground echoing through the artificial cavern, he was alone.

Something was even more deeply wrong than he could have ever imagined.

“MK! Kid! Kiddo!?” He called out, all six of his ears out to catch any hint of movement. “Come on, you told me off for calling you Kiddo just last week, get angry at me so I know you’re ok! Tell me you’re a Monkey Man or something!” Macaque tried to keep his tone light, words lighter with an awkward laugh at the end of his sentences, but it only served to make the sinking feeling in his stomach worse. The opposite effect he wanted to accomplish. “Say something damn it!”

Silence. Everything was... silent. The only thing Macaque could hear was his own breathing, his own heartbeat, the rushing of blood in his ears... but nothing else.

Then a laugh. Low and soft and wrong and Macaque’s eyes widened as he realized his mistake.

He knew that laugh.

He also knew the feeling of the staff. He felt it during their first battle, when MK pulled every ounce of lingering power to defeat him. He felt it during that climactic encounter with Wukong, when his eye was damaged beyond repair.

He felt it now, as it jutted through his stomach without warning. Covered in blood.

Huh... that was kind of new, actually. He hadn’t felt a new sensation like that in so long.

The staff was pulled back and out of him quickly, driving him to his feet as he held the new wound and listened and nearly imperceptible footsteps made their way around him. How had he not heard... no. No he knew now. Now it was obvious what had happened.

Why did his wound burn like that? Why couldn’t he stand? He should be able to move, he wasn’t this weak!

“He beat you,” He groaned out, coughing as he tried to stay upright on his knees. “You should be-”

“Dead?” MK asked, voice his own but tone completely different. The black on his shoes were blue. As Macaque looked up he could see most of the color on his outfit had faded to white with blue accents. His eyes, the only think about him physically to be different, a brilliant blue to match. His headband was gone from around his head, instead used to help slick his hair back and out of his face. “How can you kill what already isn’t alive? No, I just waited in this body until I was able to influence him enough to make him... compliant. Much easier that way, actually.”

Either his vision went fuzzy or the world around them did, MK moving closer at a speed that shouldn’t be possible. His hands were grasping Macaque’s scarf tightly... this felt far too familiar.

“If you had been the dragon girl or anyone else I might have just killed you, you know,” MK’s voice said as he tilted his head to the side, an almost playful smile on his face. “But this is much more fun, and preferable. You can relay the message for me, once the poison I coated the staff in wears off and you heal anyway.”

Macaque was dropped unceremoniously onto his back, letting out an agonized yelp as he hit the ground. MK stomped on his wound, earning another scream.

“By then myself and this body will be long gone,” MK chuckled, stepping over Macaque completely to walk further into the foundry. “I must thank you, you played into my hands so much better than I ever planned on. Getting you all to work together to ‘beat me’ was just far too easy.” He stopped, turning to smirk at the immortal shuddering on the ground.

“I haven’t had a body this powerful in centuries,” the White Bone Spirit said with a laugh before vanishing in a fuzz of his vision and a wisp of cold air.

[narrators-journal]

To kill a mockingbird

This is the first part of a Gogol fic I’m uploading here to flesh out my bsd masterlist and to feed you all. Don’t worry though! I will also work on hunter x hunter stuff while I do this story, not to worry! Just sit back and enjoy this very sketchy, dark, self-indulgent, pure fantasy! Please note this is PURE FANTASY.

Warning: here

CW: Reader-Chan gets kidnapped, dubcon kissing, this fic really turns up the bad things.

It had been a while since you'd passed out that hard after such a lazy night. You don't remember doing much, only making yourself a drink and turning on (favorite show) to burn your Saturday night away at home. Whether you'd go out or stay in was usually a 50/50 split, sometimes friends would ask you out to hang out or party, sometimes your weekends were spent spelunking social media or watching TV. However, this time, you'd gotten super tired only an episode and a half into your night of binging.

When you awoke, it took you a moment to realize something was majorly  wrong. To start, it was oddly cold. Sure, your home could get drafty, but never as cold as you were now. Next, you noticed that you were laying on a bed of satin pillows, or maybe one big pillow? It wasn't clear through the cloud of grogginess when you first woke up, but when that sleepy haze lifted you confirmed that yes, it was one big pillow, some sort of cushion beneath you. However, that wasn't the first thing you noticed. The first thing you noticed was that you were in a massive metal bird cage.

It was big enough for you to stretch out on the cushion with about half of your body length to spare room-wise, it was also tall enough for you to stand and still be unable to reach the dull lamp hanging above you, even if you stood on your tippy-toes, but you also couldn't see a way out. To say you were terrified would be an understatement. When your (e/c) eyes finally focused enough to let you see into the darkness surrounding your prison, you noticed you were not only in a big bird cage, but suspended in the air in some concrete-floored basement as well. It wasn't a super cluttered space, from what you could see, some boxes, a big bed on the opposite side of the room, and some other furniture denoting that someone must've been setting the place up to be a sort of bedroom, even some rugs or something to keep the basement floor from being too cold, which you couldn't decide made the place creepier or not. This situation was getting weirder and weirder by the second, but you had no time to feed the bubbling stew of panic in your throat and break down, you had to try and think, to find a way out.

Sadly for you, there was no door save for a thin bird-cage-like one just big enough to let a tray of food or something in, other than that, no feasible way to get in or out. Even the little clamps meant to hold the bottom and bars together were welded down, so you couldn't pry them up to get the bottom to fall out. That brought out a new layer of emotions, confusion. If there were no doors and the bottom was welded on, how did you get in? Was this a bad dream? However, before you could try to calculate how long you could've slept, if you'd be able to sleep through the sounds of welding, anything like that, you heard someone open a door, letting a slice of light trickle into the quiet basement before a silhouette was cast and a man came down the wooden stairs. The man was tall, you'd gauge him to be at least 6 feet tall, with long snow-colored hair that he kept pulled back in a braid. He also wore either a long coat or some sort of cloak/cape thing, striped pants, and a sort of jester's collar or something, you didn't know exactly what the frilly thing at his neck was. Together with his mismatched gold and silver eyes, he was quite attractive. With a charming smile and a very handsome face, you were pretty damned sure he could've been some sort of model, you inwardly hoped that maybe some sort of playboy, or whatever the female equivalent is, model, but for now you made sure to stay on your guard.       "dobroye utro golubka'~" he hummed, his deep voice sing-song and jovial, as if he was used to bringing food down to women kept in suspended bird cages. After a moment, you tentatively tried to talk to him,       "Um...e-excuse me, do you know English?" You asked, letting that edge of pitiful hopefulness drip into your words to maybe get some pity or something from him, and the smile he gave you infused you with hope,       "Yes! I do speak english, not to worry golubka!" he chirped, his voice having a rather heavy Russian accent, as he opened the short-but-wide door to your cage and slid the food he'd brought in, shutting the little door back and locking it with a padlock as he spoke, leaving you with a tray of food  and still no way out.       "Great! C-can you get me out of here? Do you know how I can get out?" you asked, grabbing onto the bars and feeling your stomach flutter with hope and joy before it crashed right back down when he spoke next.        "Of course not," he scoffed, "I went through all of that work to set it up for you and get you in there, I can't let you out so simply." You really did not expect that alluring voice to turn so sour so swiftly.        "What?! WHY?!" that made him laugh, reaching into your cage and snatching your hand before you could yank away out of his reach, using that to pull you forward so he could stroke your cheek with his free gloved hand,        "Oh sweet, sweet golubka, because I want you of course." he hummed, and you could see the light of madness in his mismatched eyes while he stroked your (s/c) cheek "I want you to be my lovely little domokhozyayka!" he said, finally letting you pull away after a brief moment of seemingly admiring the loss of hope in your wide (e/c) eyes.

You pushed away from the bars, holding onto the hand he'd kept captive protectively close to your chest while your cheeks turned a relatively dark pink against your paler cheeks.         "W-what does that mean?" you asked after some hesitation, continuing to give him dirty looks while he reached in to try and touch you again, something you didn't allow. It took a moment, but with a huff, he replied,         "Domokhozyaka means house wife, golubka means dove...now let me touch you," he ordered, moving around the cage to a side where he could try to reach you easier, obviously getting cranky when you moved away again.         "Let me out first," you ordered, continuously moving or trying to find the perfect middle so he couldn't reach you as you spoke with a semi-forced confidence. The man shot you a dirty look, finally pausing to stand back in front of you, his arms looped around the bars in front of him,         "I'll let you out when you earn it. Not until then. The only way to earn freedoms? Behave, simple as that." he said as if you were supposed to know that rule. "Now, I'll give you an easy command to ease you into this new set up, alright? Just, give me a kiss." he hummed, that charming grin returning as he watched you like a panther observing his prey. You inwardly had to admit, kissing him wouldn't be a struggle, he was pretty, but he was also your captor, so you didn't want to be that easy to read.         "I-I can't. Kissing through these bars would be d-difficult and uncomfortable." you argued, mentally chiding yourself for the flustered stutter, but your argument didn't last too long either way,        "No problem! I can just do this!" he chirped, and with a flurry of movement, vanished and suddenly appeared in your cage, making it sway slightly when he landed. The sudden shift made you shriek and scramble back until you felt the cold metal bars digging into your back. The tall man grinned at you, going down to his knees so he was less imposing and closer to your face, not to mention somewhat caging you in with his arms,        "Now, be a good golubka and kiss me," he ordered, and before you could try to escape he closed the gap between the two of you, pressing his lips against yours and swallowing the squeak you let out. The kiss was rough, he put a hand behind your head so you both couldn't pull away and weren't forced against the cold bar, but that did little to help the icy fear warring in your veins with a dark dash of lust while the man pushed his tongue into your mouth, gripping your (h/l), (h/c) hair in a silent threat so you wouldn't bite, and held it for a long moment before pulling away for air. He grinned at the dark red blush painting your (s/c) cheeks afterwards. That sort of kiss wasn't new to you, you weren't a stranger to the more dangerous sides of exploration, and it wasn't like you disliked the force he put into it, but him grinning like that hit you with a bit of shame. You were kidnapped, you shouldn't be aroused. Curse your darker kinks. However, self-scolding and maybe some shame would have to wait, you still had to stay on edge in case your captor decided he didn't want just a kiss. You were into some messed up things, but you doubted if he really pushed he'd set up any sort of safe word. Luckily though, all he did after that was pet your hair and continue to grin,          "Good girl~ Now, eat your food, I'll be back for the tray in about an hour," he said, and with another flurry of movement he was back outside the cage and left, leaving you back in the darkness with only your dim light above you and your conflicted emotions.

[multiplefandomsblog]

Nagito x Autistic!reader HCS

request; Oh okay, awesome!! I just wanted to make sure before I requested anything :) If you don't mind, could I request headcanons for Nagito with an autistic s/o who is really helped by him? Like they're really comforted by him and helped by what he does for them, even though he doesn't think he's helpful at all? 

warnings; autistic!reader(not rlly a warning), gn!reader, unedited, sensory overload, harmful stimming, kinda kinda long? I got a bit carried away.. But oh well! 

note; I’m still kinda anxious that I could’ve offended autistic people somehow with these hcs, so if I did something wrong, please don’t be afraid to let me know! I tried doing a bunch of research as to understand it and write better, and so I hope that these hcs were somewhat accurate! I’m honestly kinda mad at myself for not knowing more about autism, so i’m really glad you requested this and pushed me to be more aware >:D tysm for requesting and, ily <3<3<3(oh and sorry for the long wait D:) 

- mod chia 

◊ Frankly, Nagito understands your autism. He, himself has some problems with understanding social cues and honestly, just talking to someone without accidentally offending them is tough for him. He is very unaware of how the things he does and says could potentially offend or disrupt others.

◊ So he can relate to you on a level.

◊ If you ever started to stim—but in a unhealthy way, like punching yourself, banging your head, just ways that can potentially harm you—, he’d take your hands and let you fidget with them instead. He knows stimming is something that you do to cope, and that’s okay, but he doesn’t want you to hurt yourself by doing so. 

◊ So he encourages punching and banging his head instead- Which, of course you say no to! Instead you settle for squeezing his hand and swinging it whenever you felt anxious. He won’t say anything about it but, he actually really enjoys it when he feels you playing with his hand. It makes him feel more secure. To him it meant that, if you were touching him, you were protected and still alive- that sounds bad. Basically, he enjoys the reassurance that you aren’t leaving him or getting hurt from his luck. 

◊ Eventually you became more reliant on Nagito, needing him to be there with you whenever you felt uncomfortable or when you needed to listen to his voice rather than what sounded like thousands of other unfamiliar voices around you. And that isn’t a big worry for you because he is always by your side. He doesn’t like leaving you either, because you seemed to be the only one who truly understood him. 

◊ Every time the Monokuma body discovery announcement came on, you got triggered, not only did it mean another person died, but it was also obnoxiously loud and bringing your stress levels through the roof. It seemed so loud that it started to echo inside your head, Monokuma’s shrill voice rining through your ears. When Nagito saw you cover your ears(or any other signs of sensory overload), he immediately springs into action and goes to you, doing his best to calm you down.

◊ If you need to be in a tight space to feel safe in, he will find you a place and let you stay in there. If you just needed him, he’ll always be there for you. If you needed music or a relaxing video to watch, he somehow already has it due to his luck. 

◊ Instead of you rocking yourself back and forth, he would offer to rock you himself in his arms, unless you didn’t want to; then that’s alright too! He just wanted you to be comfortable.

◊ If you were feeling disturbed by nearby loud noises, he’ll find the perfect place for the both of you to relax in silence together, or by yourself if that’s what you needed. He knows all the best places to escape because of his shared hate with you of loud places. It makes him incredibly happy to have someone to share these places with. Though he’s in such a beautiful place, he can’t seem to enjoy it completely due to the void in his heart; loneliness. He’s really really glad he is able to share what seemed like a beautiful secret with someone as hopeful as you. 

◊ He’s careful to not say anything too self-deprecating when you want to be alone, because he knows you aren’t isolating yourself from him because you didn’t like him, you were isolating yourself because you needed to, to help yourself. So he definitely avoids saying stuff like, “I see, so you’re leaving because I’m trash, huh?”, he doesn’t want to make you feel guilty for something you can’t control. Instead, he kisses your forehead gingerly and leaves you be.

◊ He believes his actions in helping you isn’t as helpful as you think. He thinks that he’s just being overbearing or selfish when he does things like this, though when he sees you looking less stressed after his actions, it makes him happy. So maybe it was worth it. 

◊ He’d insist the things he did weren’t helpful, and that he couldn’t see how he helped you at all but when you tell him how much he has helped you cope, and go into every detail, he feels his heart go doki doki(lmfao).

◊ He’s overjoyed to know that the things he did helped you, it assures him that the things he does, doesn’t annoy you. 

◊ I headcanon that when you first met, Nagito never realized you had autism, and so he had went on one of his usual hope rants, unknowingly stressing you out with the overflowing amount of dialogue spilling out from Nagito’s lips. When he finally snaps out of it and sees you stimming harmfully and covering your ears, it’s like something was activated in him? He immediately realizes what was happening and he does his best to try and calm you down, apologizing quietly as to not disturb you more. 

◊ Somehow, he already knows all the things that help you destress. Whether it’s repeating a phrase over and over, just talking in general, counting, reading a book, he’ll help you in whatever way. Although his voice had stressed you out earlier, it actually soothes you now. His voice is surprisingly comforting when spoken with softly. 

◊ Once you had calmed down from it, he started apologizing frantically, his voice still at a soft tone. You thought it was adorable and very thoughtful of him to speak at such a small tone for you, heart fluttering as he continued speaking. 

◊ Despite wanting to talk more about hope, he promises not to ever again in front of you- But! You stop him. You explain to him that it’s not that you don’t want to hear it, it’s that the way he explained it was too much for you. 

◊ So he tries to slow down his hope rants and dial it down to a good 3(the og being 10-). He’s extremely happy to hear that you actually want to continue hearing about hope, despite breaking down from it earlier. He thinks it’s very hopeful of you.

◊ When you avoid eye contact while listening to his hope rants, he confronts you about it bluntly and suddenly. I don’t think he knows much about autism, only hearing about it and reading a few articles about it, but never meeting someone autistic in real life. So you’d have to explain a lot of it to him, including the lack of eye contact during conversation. Once you explain everything to him, he understands waaaay better and you start to notice positive changes to his behaviour around you.

◊ Honestly, you being autistic kind of works out perfectly for him because of how blunt and honest he can be at times. His bluntness helps you out, finding it easier to communicate with Nagito then others because he doesn’t use any confusing social cues, he just tells you what he needs to say rather than hinting at it. He’s glad that his blunt behaviour that others seem to hate, helps you understand him better. 

◊ You both have strange humours that no one really understands, so when Nagito tells you a joke that you don’t understand and vice-versa, neither of you laugh but you still appreciate the effort.

◊ It’s kinda like, “That made sense, and it was a good joke, but it wasn’t funny.” and you’re both alright with that.

[aminiatureworld]

In My Dreams IV

Characters: Xiao, fm!reader

Word Count: 3,167

Warnings: Brief depiction of violence, nightmares

Premise: The past is many things. Something to admire, something to learn from, something to hold dear. And yet how unreliable it can be, especially in the hands of ghosts.

In which the reader dreams of the past.

Author’s Note: Translation notes and historical references will come after the fic. This one was a little sketchy/ooc, prolly because I’m tired.

Xiao

If there was one thing that you appreciated most about your relationship with Xiao it was the fact that he never attempted to cage your independence.

Though the adeptus had a penchant for clinginess – something he’d never actually admit to – the circumstances of both his and your past had set a standard for a level of separation that you greatly appreciated. You were never pressured to tell Xiao about things you weren’t comfortable sharing and in return you never pressed your partner in regards to topics or events that made him somewhat uncomfortable.

And yet there was something very isolating about such a freedom.

It was an ordinary enough commission, laughably so in fact, the kind that you could knock back in ten minutes flat if you put a little effort into it. Treasure Hoarders were once more encroaching on Liyue, this time gathering at the vicinity of Dunyu Ruins, something that would surely be a hazard to the archaeologists who gathered to study the lost jade monument. The act of chasing out the Treasure Hoarders was indeed easy enough, and it was only until you started rifling through their loot that you found yourself uneasy.

The lid was an innocuous enough item. Though the box that it once covered was nowhere to be found it must’ve been a work of art, as the smooth tortoiseshell lid was clearly the result of patience and love. Painted a deep blue it depicted a snowy scene, with a castle or cathedral at the front and center. The building itself was of a unique design; a tall turret stuck out at the top while small onion domes sat a little lower, each painted a more outlandish color than the last. The architecture was completely unlike what one might see in either Liyue or Mondstadt, and really there should’ve been nothing to it except the odd design of the building. Yet the moment you set your eyes upon the building you felt something harden in the pit of your stomach.

You never thought about what you couldn’t remember; after all, what was the point of it? Why mourn something you weren’t even sure was good or bad? Yet in that moment you felt that you would give very little to not remember just a little bit. At least enough to know why the image of a cathedral in the snow made you wish deeply for something you couldn’t remember, and frightened you just as much.

“Something’s wrong with you face.”

“Xiao!” You sputtered, surprised by the sudden bluntness of your partner. “My face is just fine, a little dirt won’t kill me.”

“That’s not it.” Xiao scowled. “Your face is harder than usual. Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened! Sometimes I just don’t smile, okay?” You instinctively moved the corners of your mouth upwards, trying to ignore the sudden jump in your heart rate. “I’m fine.”

Xiao looked supremely unimpressed at your efforts, sighing and flying up to the balcony of the Inn. You sighed, letting your expression once more droop. It was easy sometimes to forget how in tune Xiao was. You wouldn’t expect it from an adeptus who had spent thousands of years mostly secluded from humans, but your partner was impressively good at reading your mood. Usually you didn’t mind the ability of his, even welcoming the fact that he so bluntly brought up the question of your feelings. But today you wished despite yourself that he was a little less aware. After all, how could you explain to your partner what you didn’t even understand yourself?

The rest of the night was oddly tense. Though Xiao said nothing you could tell from the way he stared intently at your face that he hadn’t given up his suspicions. For your part you tried to ignore his gaze, talking about trivial matters such as the question of replacing the Guild roof and the fact that you had managed to gather a few Qingxin during your commissions. All the while you felt the roiling of your heart; and all the while you kept rubbing your fingers along the smooth finish of the lid in your pocket as if in doing so you might suddenly be struck with what you currently missed and currently, desperately, needed.

The next day you walked up to Katherine utterly exhausted. Though you’d made a concerted effort to sleep, knowing that if not you’d just arouse more worry in Xiao, most of the night had been spent tossing and turning, your eyelids feeling paper thin as you attempted to drag yourself down into the depths of sleep. Of course now that the sun was shining you felt like even a stone bench would be a soft enough mattress. Blinking heavily you smiled awkwardly at Katheryne.

“Any commissions today?”

“Two ordinary sweeps and one request.” Katheryne tilted her head slightly. “Are you sure you don’t need rest?”

“I’m perfectly fine Katheryne, thank you for worrying. You said there was a request?”

“Yes. It seems that the citizen who noticed the Treasure Hoarders for us claims to have been robbed by them. He says to meet you at Dunyu Ruins so you can hand over the item.”

“And what item is that?”

“He said it was some sort of box lid. He didn’t give many details I’m sorry. If you’re uncomfortable though of course we could send someone with you.”

“I’ll be fine, thanks for worrying.”

“Of course! Good luck!”

“Thanks.”

You turned around, trying to stem the ice that flooded your veins. Who was this man to whom the cathedral belonged? How did he come across such an odd item, was he from one of the other nations of Teyvat you hadn’t visited? Most of all you wondered if he held some connection to your past. The idea thrilled you in some way, though dread also lingered. You weren’t entirely sure you wanted to meet this mysterious person. Commissions were commissions however; you wouldn’t betray the Guild. No matter how much you wanted to; you couldn’t.

The Dunyu Ruins were still, no monsters seemed to linger at the gates and no other adventurers peeked out from behind old walls. The air was utterly still, something which worried you greatly. Walking at an increased rate you sought out your mysterious commissioner. The more you thought about it the more you wished the whole thing to be over as soon as possible. Turning the corner you stopped in your tracks, gazing in awe at the person a few meters in front of you.

The first thing you thought was how oddly he was dressed. The second thing was that he was much younger than you had expected. The third thing was that you felt an odd sense of familiarity from him.

“Ah yes, the adventurer who accepted my commission. Have you brought what I asked of you?”

Though a response was certainly in order you found the words stuck in your mouth. Staring at him you felt the ground shift between your feet slightly. He was familiar, this young man in front of you, and yet he was also a perfect stranger. He seemed more like an apparition than anything, a spirit who had yet to cross to the far side. You stepped closer, reaching out your arm slightly. If you went to touch his shoulder, would your fingers go right through him?

“You really must think it’s odd that I’ve returned.” The man chuckled. “I assure you I’m completely real. You weren’t the only one to survive sister, though I know that information might be too little too late?”

“Sister?” You snapped out of your trance. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Surely you aren’t pretending not to recognize me? I think that’s beneath even you. Come now, was I such a brat as that?” Reaching out the young man went to grab your hand. Instinctively you pulled away, feeling discomfort shoot through you.

“I don’t know what you mean? And you certainly aren’t my brother! I’ve never had a brother!”

“Then who was the kid you lived with your whole life before the incident?”

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t know about any incident or any brother. You asked me here to return something so I’m returning it.” Reaching for the lid you thrust the little work of art in front of you. “Here. Take it.”

“So you really don’t know who I am?” The young man reached out to take the lid. “How is that possible? Have they gone so far as to erase me from your memories? Have I been taken out of your family?”

“They?”

“The gods.” The young man’s eyes seemed incredibly harsh all of a sudden. “Their presumptiveness holds no bounds.”

“Don’t speak of the archons that way.”

“Answer me this,” the young man ignored your protest, “where are you from.”

“Why should I tell you that?”

“Humor me.”

“I…” You stood there for a moment, wondering whether or not you should tell this strange figure the truth. Morbid curiosity floated in your mind, and you took a sharp breath. “I don’t know. I don’t remember.”

“So I really have been erased from your mind.”

“Nothing’s been erased! I just don’t remember, should that surprise you so much?”

“Yes, it does. I see my plans will have to be changed.” The young man took a deep breath. “Very well then, we shall see what we shall see. I have an offer for you.”

“And what is that?” You felt suspicion wash over you.

“Join the Abyss.”

“Over my dead body!” Instinctively stepping away you drew your polearm. So that’s what this was about.

“I figured you might say that. However, let me tell you this. Our family was torn apart by the cruel whims of faraway gods. Teyvat suffered the same fate, still suffers it. You may not remember what happened to us, but I know it is buried in you somewhere. If you wish to avenge our family, then you’ll join us.”

“I have no petty thoughts of revenge against the gods.”

“That may very well change.” The young man smirked. “I’ll be back in a week. I expect your answers then.”

He was gone before you could say anything, carried away by a blanket of purple stars. You stared at the empty ruins, confused and empty, feeling far worse than you had felt when you arrived here.

“You look worse.”

“Thanks Xiao.” You let out a sigh, unsure how to respond.

You’d spent the rest of the walk back to the Wangshu Inn in agony, thoughts darting back and forth as you tried to reason with yourself about the veracity of the young man’s claims. There was no proof he was who he said he was after all, no proof that he wasn’t simply insane, or trying to convince you to join him by lying. Yet there was something about him, his demeanor, his anger, something that spoke to a truth about him. Not that the idea made you any happier. After all truth or not, he was still an Abyss member, or at least an advocate. You could never side with him, even if he was your long lost family. And yet what if he was your family? What then? Would it truly be a betrayal then to simply send him packing?

Xiao’s hand enveloped your own, the soft warmth drawing you out of your confused thoughts. Looking up you found him leaning into you, the tips of his hair lightly brushing your cheeks. His eyes bored into you ask he scanned your face. You stood perfectly still. You knew what Xiao was doing, knew that he was trying to figure out the depths of your discomfort. It was valiant of him, even if you hoped that he turned up empty handed. How could you tell Xiao, an adeptus who served directly under Rex Lapis, about the man who blasphemed the gods.

“You should sleep.” Xiao finally pulled away.

“It’s still early evening.”

“You didn’t sleep well last night, I could tell. You should sleep now; maybe you’ll feel better.”

“Maybe.” You replied, knowing that even if you slept better than you had ever before nothing would change when you woke up.

Still your eyelids were heavy and your feet aching. Sleep beckoned you with open arms, and you were quick to fall into its depths. Pressing a soft kiss on Xiao’s cheek you made your way up the stairs. Collapsing onto your bed you let out a sigh of relief. Sleep was coming on fast, and you quickly found the outside world swirling away. The last thing you were aware of was a dent in your mattress, and a set of familiar eyes staring down at you, filled with affection and worry.

It was dreadfully hot. That was the first thing you were aware of. The second was how loud everything was. There was a terrible sound swirling around you, inhuman shrieks seemed to rise up from the ground beneath you, accompanied with a banging that cracked through the air, echoing oddly in a night that was all too quiet. The third thing was that you had no idea where you were. Looking around you found yourself reeling at the scene that met your eyes. The house in front of you must’ve been nice at some point, but now had fallen into ruin and disrepair. Smoke was drifting up from a door that led into the ground, and bottles lay in pieces on the ground. A wall seemed to separate the house from the outside world, so tall that you had no idea what lay beyond it. Trembling slightly you felt yourself move towards the source of the noise, feet moving despite the rising dread that you felt. Making your way down a set of stairs a few lines came to you all of a sudden.

A ceiling of amber, a pavement of pearl

The smoke was thicker now, filling your lungs, leaving you short of breath. Little bits of orange blurred your vision, wielded by strange men in strange uniforms. They seemed distorted in the smoke, made into ghosts that might haunt a child’s nightmares.

Through the narrow paved streets, where all was still

You didn’t move your head towards the back of the room, somehow you couldn’t. Your very soul fought against it. Instead you closed your eyes, overwhelmed with how hot it was.

“You’ve come so far and you can’t even look?”

The voice was mocking, familiar, full of scorn. Opening your eyes you stared at the men in front of you, the men with fire at the tips of their hands. Why did he want you to look? You knew what you’d see. Somehow you knew.

We climb’d on the graves, on the stone worn with rains

You couldn’t make it out among the smoke. All you knew was that it was red.

You screwed your eyes shut, even as sudden clarity danced before you. Someone was calling your name.

There was a hand on your shoulder.

And alone dwell forever

The smoke cleared, and with it the dream.

The scream ripped through your throat before you could even process it. You knew that you should stop, knew that you were no longer dreaming, knew that the hand on your shoulder belonged to your terrified partner. Still you screamed. You screamed and screamed and screamed.

“Hey. Hey!” Xiao’s voice was frantic. Shifting your gaze towards him you felt yourself begin to tremble.

“It, it was true. It was true, I saw him. I saw him. I saw me. It was true. I, I, they’re dead. They’re dead.”

“It was a dream. No one’s dead.”

“But Xiao, they’re dead. He was right, they’re gone and dead and somehow I forget them.”

The loneliness slammed into you, mixing with the horror that sent your stomach churning. You dug you nails into your palm, desperately trying to stop shaking. Everything seemed distorted, the light emerging through the window just as menacing as the dark.

“Take my hand.”

Xiao pulled one of your hands on his lap, gently opening it and running his fingers over the marks that now rested in your palms. Unfurling your hand you it was flat against his he covered it with his own. Letting his palm rest gently against yours he looked up at you.

“No one is dead. You were having a nightmare.”

“I was remembering, Xiao. I finally remembered something. And now I wish I never had.” You unfurled your other hand, wiping furiously at the tears that pooled in your eyes. “I’m so alone Xiao, I’m so alone.”

“You aren’t alone.”

“My family, my family is gone. The only one left is an Abyss member. I, I’m so utterly alone.”

You felt Xiao drop your hand slightly. The sudden lost connection made your founder for a moment, but soon the feeling was lost as Xiao wrapped his arms around you. Pressing kisses to your forehead his grip was tight and strong, encasing you utterly in soft comfort. Letting yourself collapse slightly you leaned into his embrace.

“You’ll never be alone. I’ll always be here.”

If promises were conveyed in actions then you had no reason to doubt Xiao’s. Though the air around you was sticky with heat you found yourself pressing into your partner’s chest eyes more, soaking up every bit of connection that you could get. Xiao said nothing more, simply keeping you in his embrace, lips brushing against your cheeks as he kissed away your tears.

You knew that he wouldn’t ask about your brother that night, perhaps not even the morning afterwards, or even tomorrow evening. After all your partner wasn’t one for words, and your relationship wasn’t built upon the expectation of painful transparency. If you weren’t ready to talk he wouldn’t push you.

Eventually your tears slowed, though the pain in your chest still burned like a brand. Bringing your hands to your chest you gazed up at the adeptus who was still wrapped around you.

“Can we stay this way a little longer?”

Xiao’s eyes gleamed catlike in the moonlight. Leaning down he brushed his lips against yours, sighing slightly as you met him with exhausted ardor. Pulling back you rested your head on your partner’s chest. The dulled beat seemed almost musical, a reminder that Xiao was alive, a reminder that he was right next to you.

You had assumed in some way that it meant he didn’t care, or didn’t want to know. Though you would’ve never thought that before, the feeling of loneliness that had threatened to swallow you up had made that perfectly clear. Yet Xiao did care, cared enough not to prod and poke at wounds that were surely bleeding even now. Cared enough to kiss your worries away, cared enough to let you embrace him as long as you needed. Cared enough to show that you weren’t truly alone. 

In a week you’d give the young man who had once been your brother an answer. In a week you’d face the fact of your loneliness, of a family that you’d once been a part of. In a week you would let yourself be truly lonely. But until then you would listen to the familiar beat of Xiao’s heart as you remembered that you weren’t truly alone. That you never would be.

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The box lid itself was based off nothing in particular. The building painted on it is a reference to Saint Basil’s Cathedral. 

The poem I used was “The Forsaken Merman” by Matthew Arnold

The scene in the reader’s dream is a reference to the execution of the last Imperial family of Russia. It took place in the basement of the Ipatiev House in Ekaterinburg on July 17th/18th 1918.