#always motivating us and just being what a parent should be

[jolynesmom]

I hate to share this but I don't have anyone to talk. It's been so long I've discovered about void and since then I've always wanted to manifest "family Change " in the void cause my mother. I don't want to make her the villian in my life but I can't help she literally abuse me everytime and says the filthiest, dirtiest things which I swear no parents says to their children and even my dad doesn't stop her . Everyday I having a mental breakdown and I go to bed with the hope that I will enter the void and I don't have to face the same day tomorrow again. To be honest I don't know how can I enter void at this low . I've been literally loosing hope. I feel like the void actually a void which will never come to me

hey I’m so sorry to hear that :(( my heart breaks every time someone comes to me saying they’re abused by their family. it’s such a disgusting thing and I’ll never wrap my head around on how someone can do this to their child

I really wish I could do something for your situation, but all I can do is give you a few words of advice

before anything I want to let you know that you shouldn’t feel guilty for villainizing your parents. such things are not normal and should not be excused. your parents should be thankful that the only thing you want from them is a healthy relationship after what they’ve put you through

let’s address the first issue. you’re not motivated to enter the void because you’re brought down by your circumstances. a lot of you seem to forget that the law of assumption exists and you can use it to successfully change your circumstances instantly without entering the void state. hell, you can use law of assumption to enter the void!! use the law of assumption to make your parents leave you alone or to even do a 180° in their behavior

I was actually in a similar position before entering the void where I was demotivated to even try because of my dad’s behavior towards me, so I used the law of assumption to make his stop being so harsh towards me. not only did he start to be nicer to me, but he even moved back to our home country due to some circumstances while I stayed in the uk, since then I’ve only known peace

if you don’t want to use loa to change your circumstances (which you should) then use the negativity in your life to fuel your motivation to enter the void. like ‘everyone treats me so bad, let’s see their reaction after I fulfill my desires and they’ll remain miserable here’

I feel like a broken record because I’ve said it so many times, but entering the void is embarrassingly easy. like I mean it, it’s so easy once I almost tapped into it while I laid down for 3 minutes waiting for my food to heat in the oven. and the great part about the void is that you don’t need a great mindset or to be overly motivated to try a complex method that will take you 3 hours to finish, you can just say ‘I want to enter the void’, fall asleep and wake up there

this is why I don’t like those challenges people do to change their mindset, affirm 100k times per day, listen to subs 25/8, do complicated meditations, vaunt or whatever. if you want to do them and feel like they’ll take you closer to the void, by all means go off, but you absolutely do not need them lol

when I entered the void for the first time I didn’t do anything special, I actually didn’t even think it’s possible to do it without yoga nidra then I tapped into it instantly when I was in a state between asleep and awake and said to myself that I want to enter the void asap

so yeah, use loa, treat everything with indifference and persist even if your circumstances are unfavorable

I’ll link some posts below that will hopefully give you some direction and motivation to persist

sending you lots of love and positive energy 🤍

🫐jani’s law of assumption guide

🍓 manifestation/loa is your bff

🥝psa: you can manifest anything

🍊 manifestation in 3 steps

🍑 doubting the void?

🍒 lullaby method to enter the void (personal favorite)

🥥distraction method to enter the void state

🍇 arlinski void state method

I also suggest you to check out @/tia-222 on tumblr because they have amazing posts which helped me master the void state in less than 3 weeks

[islanddboyy]

hate when my dad calls me kiddo. love when my coach calls me kid

[prettycottagequeer]

ok maybe I'm a little late to this BUT I'm gonna do a to-do list motivation thingy because I've had the worst two weeks since I started college :)

SO these I should start on asap:

50 I make the snack I really want but I haven't had the motivation to make

100 I clean my dorm. another thing I've been meaning to do for a week

150 I do the presentation about mid-victorian fashion I've been putting off (due Monday)

200 I start memorizing the monologue that was due a week ago (now due Tuesday)

these can wait longer:

300 I spend time outside. It's so nice but I'm getting stuck scrolling because I feel like shit. vicious cycle ect

500 I start setting a better weekend routine (aka getting up before noon)

1k I start working out again. I was doing a routine to get more masc and build muscle and I liked it but life hit me like Crowley driving the Bentley and I've missed like 3 weeks

2k I buy my first binder. I've been coping with sports bras for almost a year now and I haven't been able to justify spending $50+ on a binder even though I know I'd love it and use it everyday.

Do I tag people? I don't know but I'm going to. @the-globe-theatre-maggot @weirdly-specific-but-ok @howmanyholesinswisscheese

here's just some context if you want to read, feel free to skip. some of this I've talked about in the maggot server, some I haven't, but I really just need a place for this to go that's out of my head. tw homophobia, transphobia, car crash(??)

How I Have Been Run Over By The Bentley Going 90 In Central London What Feels Like 50 Times In The Last Two Weeks

I'm going to college about 4 hours away from my parents, and it's been really nice. They.. suck, to say the least. transphobic/homophobic ect, super traditional conservative catholic, racist, all of it. so i tried to move somewhere where I wouldn't have to think about them and I could be myself and do what I can to be happy. March 1st was the start of my spring break, which meant going home because the dorms close. I was already not excited, but I was prepared. the problem with being away from home is I forget just how bad they are. My optimism gets the better of me and I think maybe this time they'll be better. so I decided to not hide my septum piercing.

that was a mistake. it starts a whole fight where they say we know you're trans, you're actually a girl and you always will be, we have the bones argument, they think I'm being influenced by demons or something (if only they knew about crowley) because I want to change my name, and they tell me that going on t will completely ruin my body and give me cancer and other things. They're also mad about my dyed hair, septum, and general style, and say I'm setting a terrible example for my (5) younger siblings and make it a point to tell me just how much of a disappointment I am. I think I'm pretty cute and fun but y'know, whatever. very fun time. I lie so much, don't give them any more details about my identity, and say I'm not planning to go on t to save my ass. which is all on instinct which makes me feel worse because if I'm really trans I should be able to stand up for that, right? maybe I'm faking the dysphoria.

the next morning I wake up really sick, and spend the rest of the week sick and feeling like shit because I'm home and back in the same place and situation I was a year ago that I thought I escaped. at one point I pretty much lose my voice but also kind of get gender euphoria from it. it's weird.

On Friday it's time for me to drive back 4 hours to school, and I make it about 3/4 of the way when google maps takes me on a random gravel road and I crash my car, really crash my car, like sideways-in-a-ditch-windows-broken-crawling-up-out-the-door crash it in the middle of nowhere. (I was fully paying attention to the road, it was raining and super slick) I call my parents because I have no one else to call and I sit in a Subway for 3 hours while they drive to get my car. when they get there they're (understandably) really mad, and they tell me that I'm not mature enough to be going to school so far away and I need to get my shit together and stop depending on them. which. is probably true. but made me feel even more stupid about the fact that I crashed my car. I get back to school and I'm still Very Sick with no energy or motivation to do anything. So I've spent the last week trying to get better and honestly to do anything. it hasn't really worked. I'm a lot better health-wise (Not emotionally), still sick but I have a lot of work due, so I really need a push to get started

[edenesth]

The Way to His Heart [1]

Pairing: general!Seonghwa x wife!reader

AU: arranged marriage au (Joseon era)

Word Count: 3k

Summary: Life has been hell ever since your mother's passing many years ago. Despite being from a prominent family, you've never received the privileges associated with it. It only got worse with the arrival of your stepmother and her daughters. When the intimidating General Park was in search of a wife, your father seized the opportunity to dispose of you, simultaneously securing a connection with the powerful general—killing two birds with one stone.

Teaser | Fic Masterlist | Part 2

Park Seonghwa.

As pretty as it may sound, that name was known across the nation as the intimidating military general trusted by His Majesty, the King, to lead the royal army.

For those who have not had the privilege of encountering him in person, the assumption might be of a rugged and perhaps middle-aged individual, given his extensive experience on the battlefield and high military rank. And those who have met him will know that his beauty was just as deadly.

But there's more to it – his renown extends beyond the confines of martial prowess. The general has garnered a reputation for scaring away all potential marriage candidates. His cold nature isn't limited to the battlefield; it extends to his personal life, affecting even the people closest to him.

In essence, Seonghwa was not a figure most people would look forward to meeting at all. If anything, most tended to avoid him like the plague. His name alone was enough to instil terror, be it in enemies, common folk, or even nobles.

But he was more than fine with it.

The general took pleasure in the fear that gripped anyone crossing his path. He had no interest in being loved or admired. The bloodshed inherent in his job brought him ample satisfaction, and the accompanying title and wealth were merely added perks.

One thing that irked him more than anything else was the King's relentless insistence that he should marry.

You see, he lacked the capacity for love, having grown up devoid of any such affection. All he cared for was his own survival. He understood, more than anyone, that trust was a rare commodity on this earth. Those close to him always harboured their own motives. The concept of genuine love or care was as good as non-existent in his dictionary.

His parents, if they could even be called that, abandoned him by a dumpster outside an orphanage. Born prematurely and deemed likely to die soon, they left him for dead. However, his determination to survive surpassed all expectations. He fought through the years and emerged as the person he is today.

Seonghwa's entire childhood was marked by brawls fighting for survival and to earn a living. But then fate took a turn when a perceptive military soldier scouted him, recognising the untapped potential within.

Rising from the bottom, his borderline cold-blooded character propelled him swiftly up the ranks, achieving remarkable progress within just a couple of years. His notoriety soon echoed in the ears of the King, and almost in the blink of an eye, he ascended to become one of the youngest generals in history.

And that was how he learned, through the hard way, that one would have to be useful in order to be valued. He has seen enough to understand it was a dog-eat-dog world.

The King favoured him solely for his skills, his servants stuck around for the generous pay, and every potential spouse presented to him was merely interested in his wealth or title.

This time would be no different.

"Seonghwa-yah, you're not young anymore, my boy. It's time for you to get married and have a few kids. Otherwise, who would succeed you? It would be such a shame for your bloodline to die with you." His Majesty said, a concerned frown creasing his wrinkled forehead.

The general lowered his head to conceal the smirk on his face. See? That's exactly what he meant. One would be foolish to believe that the King genuinely wanted the best for him; all the old man cared about was ensuring the continuation of his legacy.

Before Seonghwa could present another argument, as he always did, the King raised a hand to halt him, "That's enough; you have rejected all my previous proposed matches and deliberately scared off some of your betrothed as well. I may have been too lenient with you. This time, you will get married, and that's final."

He gripped the hilt of his sword in frustration, "But, your Majesty—"

The King shook his head, "Seonghwa, you will be stripped of your title if you do not cooperate."

That was enough to silence him.

He had worked tirelessly to reach his current position; it would be stupid to jeopardise it all over a refusal to marry. The whole idea seemed utterly outrageous; the old man must be senile to be threatening him over something so trivial.

But what choice did he have?

None.

"Fine, as you wish." The general sighed.

His Majesty's demeanour swiftly changed, breaking into laughter and applause, "Oh, that's wonderful! We already have a perfect candidate for you anyway. The Minister of Military Affairs has offered his eldest daughter's hand. I'm sure she would make a lovely wife for you."

"Has he now? How thoughtful of him."

Seonghwa wasn't stupid; he recognised that the minister harboured resentment regarding his recent ascent in the ranks. The old fool was undoubtedly anxious about preserving his own position and was actively exploring ways to subdue the younger man's progress, going to great lengths just to keep the general from outranking him.

As the assembly with the King concluded that day, Minister Jang was quick to intercept Seonghwa before he could exit the palace, "General Park, I eagerly anticipate our forthcoming union. I assure you, my eldest is a gem; you'll come to adore her." The elder man remarked smugly.

"Oh, I'm sure I will." He sneered, shrugging off the minister's hand before storming off.

Arriving at his estate, a servant approached the general with a tray of tea, "Welcome home, master," Having suppressed his anger for too long, he couldn't hold back any longer. He smacked the tray out of the poor woman's hands, growling, "Get out of my goddamned sight this instant." She bowed repeatedly, apologising profusely as she picked up the tray and the broken cup before scurrying away.

He slammed the door to his study open, nearly scaring the living daylights out of his only trusted aide, Jongho, "S-sir, is everything alright?" The assistant asked tentatively.

Seonghwa grumbled as he kicked his desk aside to sit in his chair, "The King demanded that I get married and even threatened to strip me of my title if I refused. I need you to dig up some information on Minister Jang's family; that man is up to something."

Jongho bowed once and rushed off to do as he was told, "Will do, sir."

Glaring at his desk, he clenched his fists at the thought of his future wife. Considering her hateful father, she likely resembled him. After all, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. He was more than ready to face the likes of her, having successfully scared off a few spoiled brats before.

More unbearable to him than the King's incessant pressure for him to marry was the presence of irritating little pests, manifested in the form of noblewomen from wealthy families—the entitled sort who believed they were superior to everyone else.

All the encounters he had experienced so far were with that particular breed. If given the chance, he would gladly eradicate every single one of those seemingly useless, good-for-nothing individuals. Without a doubt, his wife-to-be would be another one of those insufferable girls.

Be prepared, wife. Life is about to become quite exhilarating for you.

"Gather around, kids. I have news!" Your father announced as he entered the family estate, cheerfully wrapping his arm around his second wife, your stepmother.

"What's going on, father?" Jinah asked, eagerly joining her two sisters, Jinhee and Jinjoo.

The man let out a tired sigh when he realised you were nowhere in sight, "Where is she?"

Jinhee scoffed, "You mean unnie? In her cage, of course. This is a family meeting; why would we need her around?"

The minister directed a nearby servant, "Fetch her to the main hall; I have an announcement to make." The three sisters and their mother exchanged intrigued glances, wondering what this unexpected proclamation could entail.

Staring numbly out of your tiny room window, you ponder the meaning of life. What was the point of being born if every member of your own family shunned you? To be fair, only your father is family; your stepmother and stepsisters are mere outsiders. Yet, even he hasn't bothered to treat you as such.

Your mother might have been the sole person to ever love you, but you couldn't possibly be sure. Unfortunately, she hadn't been alive long enough for you to remember much about her.

Could she have had any love for you, even when she herself lacked affection from her own husband?

That, you'll never know the answer to.

You've heard that your father had no choice but to marry your mother for political reasons and that your stepmother had been his mistress at the time. When your mother finally fell sick and died, he seized the opportunity to marry the harlot and take in all three of her bastard daughters.

Life has been nothing but hell ever since.

No one has treated you like a lady from a noble house; not even the servants were allowed to do so.

All you could remember was pain.

Endless pain all throughout your childhood.

In fact, the pain still persisted until this day, you felt it acutely in the numerous spots on your body, each a testament to the beatings you endured regularly as punishment. And those punishments were often for things you didn't do—blatant lies told by your stepsisters that your father used as an excuse to unleash his wrath.

Excluded from all family activities, even meals, you survived on leftovers and were confined to your quarters with nothing to occupy your time. It felt as if you were treated worse than the estate's servants, receiving only enough sustenance to keep you alive. You were more like a punching bag, there solely for their tormenting pleasure.

No one would acknowledge you in this household. You were as good as dead until one of your family members wished to have some fun, your misery providing the best entertainment.

So, imagine your surprise when you were summoned to the main hall for an announcement. Why does your presence suddenly matter? The curiosity gnaws at you as you reluctantly make your way to the gathering, wondering what twist of fate awaits you this time.

Cowering shamefully, you faced the evident disgust in your stepmother's and stepsisters' eyes as they took in your shabby appearance.

You struggled to figure out where to sit.

Approaching the only available seat next to the youngest, Jinjoo, you trudged over timidly, only for her to intentionally spill her cup of tea on the chair, "Oops! My bad, unnie. I guess you'll have no choice but to stand." You wished the ground would swallow you as everyone around snickered into their fists.

You looked over to your father, hoping he might stand up for you, only for your heart to sink in disappointment as usual when he averted his gaze with a clear of his throat, "Alright, now that you're all here, I have news to share." He announced, leaving you standing awkwardly in the corner, unnoticed and unwanted.

"Something interesting happened at the assembly with His Majesty this morning," Your father announced, capturing everyone's attention. All eyes were on him, eagerly awaiting the big revelation of this announcement, "The King has pressured General Park to marry once again, and this time, he was serious."

You noticed the expressions of your stepsisters turning fearful at the mere mention of the famous general.

"I figured it would be good to establish a connection with the general, considering his powerful standing in the military. So, I offered my daughter's hand to him in marriage."

Your stepsisters all gasped simultaneously.

"Father! How could you do such a thing to us?! Haven't you heard? That general is a monster! He scared off all of his previous fiancées. Do you have any clue how he'll treat us?" Jinah screeched tearfully.

But her mother calmed her with a sly smile, "Oh, you silly girls, why did you think your elder sister is here for?"

Oh.

Remaining rooted to the spot, you took in the shocking news. Your supposed family cheered at the announcement, their excitement palpable.

"Oh, unnie! You're finally making yourself useful for once!" Jinhee laughed, and your father nodded, a smirk playing on his lips, "That's right, my dear. You've always struggled to find a purpose in life, haven't you? Perhaps you'll grow to love your new life with General Park. I'm sure he'll take good care of you."

Everything turned into a blur as they celebrated what felt like your demise. Dismissed to your quarters, you retreated, letting the weight of the information sink in.

You had heard of General Park; how could you not? He was only the most feared person in the entire country.

Perhaps, in a twisted way, that could be a good thing. If he were to end your miserable life once and for all, it might be a mercy for you too.

After all, you had had enough of this life.

On the day you were set to marry Park Seonghwa, you were puzzled to find a group of servants sent to your quarters, armed with some of the finest clothes you'd ever seen, "What is this?" You questioned, eyeing the luxurious garments with scepticism.

The head of the maids sighed, "Young miss, you are marrying as the eldest daughter of Minister Jang. Surely, you have to at least look the part, yes?"

Oh.

That made sense.

Of course, it was all to make your father look good. Who would care about you?

Resigned, you sat like a doll as they worked on enhancing your appearance, transforming you into a vision of refinement. You observed their extra effort to conceal the remnants of bruises and scars from years of torture.

"All done." The head maid declared as they turned you around to face the mirror. As your eyes met your reflection, you failed to recognise the person staring back at you. You hadn't known you were capable of looking... what do they call it? Beautiful?

But this was only temporary.

You couldn't possibly fool the general forever with makeup. Sooner or later, he would see just how ugly and broken you were underneath all these artificial lies. And he, too, will be just as disgusted as everyone else. When that happens, you are mentally prepared for all the possible outcomes.

How much worse could it get?

After all, you had already endured a lifetime of hell. Surely, the torment couldn't be as severe as what you had experienced all these years... right?

One of the elderly servants, always watching you from a distance with pity in her eyes, approached you as the others dispersed. Her frail but warm hand landed on your shoulder as you met her gaze through the mirror.

With a kind smile, she nodded encouragingly, "I hope you find happiness out there, young miss." You didn't know why your eyes grew wet at those words as you watched her leave with the rest. The unexpected warmth in her gesture lingered, and for a moment, a spark of hope ignited within you.

Happiness?

You weren't sure you even knew what that word meant, but perhaps you'll learn the meaning of it outside of these walls. These walls that felt so much like prison all these years, it's almost funny how it was supposed to be your home.

Truthfully, you didn't think you'd ever live to see the day you would be allowed to leave this wretched place. Caged in here all your life, does anyone even know of your existence?

Perhaps not.

Well, now they might.

Heading to the entrance of the Jang estate, you carried little belongings, close to none.

Your family stood around, excited to see you off. The devious smirks on your stepsisters' faces faltered slightly at your transformed appearance before they scoffed, "Who would've thought? Guess you could actually fool someone looking like that. Just wait till he realises how useless you actually are." Jinhee sneered.

But Jinjoo snickered, "Oh, I'm sure she'll be useful in certain ways."

Jinah burst into laughter at the implication, "Oh yes! Give us plenty of nieces and nephews to play with, yeah?"

Your face burned with humiliation as they made fun of you, as they always did, "That is if she's strong enough to survive him in the first place." Your stepmother muttered, chuckling slyly.

Your father took a step toward you, "There's no time to waste; now get going. Don't you dare make me look bad."

You bowed before turning to leave, but a surge of courage prompted you to look back at your father one last time, croaking, "Father... have you truly never cared for me at all? For my happiness?"

He clenched his jaw, his response cutting, "Don't make me laugh; you and that mother of yours have only ever been a pain to me."

That hurt.

Why did it hurt?

It wasn't news to you. But still, it hurt.

"You want happiness? Find it with him then."

« Preview of Part 2 »

The night before the wedding, Seonghwa lifted his gaze from his scrolls to find his aide arriving slightly out of breath, "Have you found anything, Jongho?"

The assistant nodded after bowing, "Not much on the rest of the family; everything about them is just as known by the public. However, I did uncover more information about the eldest daughter, your bride."

The general straightened in his seat, "What about her?"

With a frown, Jongho continued, "It seems not much is known about her, despite being the eldest. She's the only daughter of Minister Jang's first wife, and no one has seen her set foot out of the estate since her mother's passing. Most sources claim her to be a mystery."

Seonghwa smirked, leaning back in his chair, "She must be quite precious for her father to keep her hidden all these years. Oh, I'll treat her well, all right. Get the head maid to prepare her quarters."

Jongho nodded curtly, feeling a chill run down his spine as he witnessed the sarcastic grin on his master's face.

"Only the best for future Lady Park."

I just want to emphasise that this is NOT a sequel/prequel or extension to Seonghwa's part from my 'Crazy Form' Comeback Special Series. This is a completely different story taking place in an entirely different universe.

Also, while this may be in the Joseon era, I do apologise if some of the details may not be historically accurate. After all, this is only a work of fiction, so please enjoy!

As always, thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts, feedback or reviews! I love hearing all about it! <3

Tag list: @aurasblue @marievllr-abg @itsvxlentine @minghaoslatina @huachengsbestie01 @evidive @weedforthoughtz @ssrnghwa @yunnieo @sunnyhokyu @lynnsqueendom @frobin4ever @chwesuh-imnida @thunderous-wolf @itstheghostofmypast @professormingisglasses @deltamoon666 @avantalem @famishalll @yungilia @soobiverse @joongified

All Rights Reserved © edenesth // DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, PLAGIARISE OR REPURPOSE.

[universalitgirlsblog2]

🎀📖STUDYING TIPS FROM STRAIGHT-A STUDENT📖🎀

(1) Passionate about Learning

If we look at Hermione or Rory , they had a burning passion for learning. They were full of curiosity. They didn't just study for good grades , they studied because they were passionate to learn. They read alot of books. Ngl Reading is therapeutic . Hermione always went into detail , she read alot of books about the topics she was studying. There is a reason behind her being a " know it all " .

(2) Rely on Understanding , not rote learning

I was one of those who would study at last moment and rely on rote learning, I would still get good grades . But gradually I realized , studying at last moment is wrong and it makes education unworthy. After the exam , I would forget everything. Sometimes rote learning won't help too. Rely on understanding the concepts. Ofc there will be some topics that are just meant for memorization. When you come back from school , you should revise everything. It will makes things much easier for you.

(3) Be Disciplined and Dedicated

The best form of self love is discipline. Don't procrastinate. Procrastination is the cost of life you could have lived. Be mindful and prioritize your tasks. Start taking responsibility. You owe yourself to be disciplined and dedicated.

(4) Prioritize Education

Education is the most powerful weapon. Being educated and Intelligent is HOT ! HARD WORK WILL NEVER BETRAY YOU. Books are your best friends. When I had my exams or when I was in 10th grade, we had board exams . I studied really hard. It was lockdown but exams were still offline ( lol ). I cut off toxic people or anything which drained me or made me feel bad. I prioritized myself and my education. I used social media for 30 minutes only and I would watch content which made me feel motivated or good about myself. I unfollowed everything which made me feel bad. Did I regret it ? NO ! I GOT 98%. I strongly believe in manifestation too ( that's why this account exists ) so I affirmed for good grades too.

(5)Less Social Media or N🚫 Social media at all.

Alot of my classmates who are also exceptional at studying . Some of them joined Social media very late and some of them still don't use Social media. I joined Social media in Grade 9 but these days I try to use it as less as possible. This can be different for everyone. Maybe you use Social media in a healthy way and get good grades. For me , Social media can be draining sometimes so I use it less whenever I need to focus on myself. I was thinking to deactivate my account or take a break 😅. Most of the posts you see are scheduled btw, including this one .

(6)Find your WHY

Why are you studying ? What is your reason ? Is it because you want to make your parents proud ? Is it because you love learning ? Is it because you want to prove others wrong ? It is very important to have a reason for studying. Maybe connect your goals to studying. Let's say you want to become a dentist , now you can't become a dentist without studying ,right ?

(7) Find a Role Model

If you can't find your WHY yet , it's okay. Try to find a role model. It can be any real life person or a fictional character. It can be ANYONE ! My role models are Hermione and Elle Woods. You can put your role model Keychain on your pouch , stick their posters etc so whenever you look at it , you gain motivation to give your best. Again , it's okay if you can't find a role model . Become your own role model If you can't find any role model 😉

(8) Don't let Past intervene

It's okay if you weren't a good student from start . According to manifestation, you can revise being one too ! You can still change yourself and become a good student . You can prove all those people wrong by becoming a good student. Once a wise man said , don't let your past blackmail your present to ruin a beautiful future.

(9) Believe in Yourself & Be confident

Harry potter once said " Working hard is important but there's something which matters even more ; Believing in yourself " . Even if you aren't a potterhead , you should listen to Harry Potter. Another example can be Elle Woods , she believed in herself when no one did. She showed us the power of self belief. Be confident in yourself.

(10) Be attentive and Regular

You must be attentive in class. Participate in class and don't hesitate . I can understand if you can't participate in class because you feel shy ( I used to be like that ) but the more you push yourself to participate, the less you will hesitate. Gradually , you will feel confident too. Like Thewizardliz said , sometimes you need to get uncomfortable to get comfortable. Be a good listener.Also , be regular in your classes. If you aren't able to be regular, study at home. Some of my friends weren't able to be regular in school because of personal reasons but they studied at home . They didn't waste their time in unproductive stuff. Sometimes I was also not able to be regular at school but I studied at home and took breaks in between.

(11) Study From Youtube

I don't know if it's just me but youtube teachers can make the most complicated topics so simple. They explain everything in detail. Youtube teachers can be more helpful than school teachers tbh 😀. Self Study is important.

(12) Take care of Your Mental health.

It can be very hard to study with bad mental health. I tend to take care of my mental health. Stress can be the biggest distraction sometimes. So take care of your physical and mental health. Journal. Meditate. Take a break from social media if you need to. Use affirmations.Dance. Exercise. Read.Paint . Sleep. Whatever makes you feel better. Poor mental health can also interfere with your attention span so please take care of your mental health. Don't take it for granted 😃.

Short and simple tips

- Value your time. Time is money

- Self study is very beneficial

- Be organized

- Avoid Drama

- I WANT TO LET YOU ALL KNOW HOW IMPORTANT YOUR TODAY IS , YOUR NOW IS .STUDY HARD . WORK HARD.PLAY HARDER. DON'T BE BOUND BY RULES. DON'T HURT ANYBODY AND NEVER EVER LIVE SOMEONE ELSE'S DREAM. REMEMBER HOW MANY TIMES YOU GO WRONG, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU FAIL , DESPAIR, FEEL LIKE THIS WORLD IS AGAINST YOU . IN THE WORDS OF BOB MARLEY , AT THE END EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE ALRIGHT . - SHAH RUKH KHAN aka SRK👑

🎀📖These are some tips which helped me and I live by these tips. I hope these tips help you too. I apologize if the post wasn't helpful🎀📖

[screeching-bunny]

Part 2 on the yandere General hcs

Yandere! General pt.2

Warnings: Obsessive Behavior, Yandere Thoughts, Bad Writing, Stalking, Possessive Behavior, Reader is Referred as ‘You’

Pt. 1

Yandere! General is a battle-hardened leader with a reputation for being unyielding and fierce. An unapproachable force with a bloodthirsty aura present in his mannerism. So it’s no surprise that he’s out of place in the king’s banquet filled with joyous laughter and people waltzing onto the dance floor.

He feels repulsed by just being there, who cares if the royal family personally invited him, he should have stayed home. There were just too many people with ulterior motives for approaching and it didn’t help that the princess had a crush on him. God how he hated her, she just never seemed to want to leave him alone. She is a selfish little brat who whines all the time and always seems to balance others for her atrocious actions. “Please stay the night with me, I promise I’ll make it worthwhile? I’ve just missed seeing your face, I want to spend more time with you.” Yep, he really wished he stayed at home today.

Deciding that engaging in conversation with the princess was not worth it, he simply just ignored her and made his way outside to the royal garden. There, he sees a figure dancing in the moonlight. The way you moved had him transfixed and in a daze. He silently stares at them and waits for them to finish their performance. This dancer is actually you. Now the question arises, why are you dancing and in the royal garden no less? Well the answer to that question is quite complicated, actually.

Your father is a low leveled noble in the aristocratic society. Who is power hungry and strives to raise their social standing no matter what. Everyone in your family hates you and rarely acknowledges you. The reason for this is because your father cheated on his wife with a lowly maid working in his manor and conceived you. His wife, now your stepmother, was enraged by this and ended up murdering your biological mother. She was, however, never caught or tried. The only reason why she kept you around was because she thought that you would be useful for future purposes. Your family never really paid much attention to you and you have an older half sister who absolutely despises you. She treats you as if you were a dog or some common slave.

Your life was extremely miserable but the only thing that seemed to bring you happiness was dancing. You first learned to dance when you were eight. When one day you decide to sneak out of your father's manor and go visit town. Luckily for you, it was during that time that a festival was being held and you couldn’t take your eyes off of the dancers and secretly copied their moves. It wasn’t until one of them noticed you and asked if you would like to join them. Ever since then, you have been secretly going to town to learn and improve your dancing skills. It’s not like your family even cared that you were gone, heck they didn’t even notice.

Many years have passed and your love and passion for dance is still the same. This tranquility, however, did not last for long because the moment you turned eighteen your parents agreed to sell you off to be engaged to a rich but very old nobleman. No amount of begging and pleading could convince your parents to change their minds. It was always met with the same response of “Don’t you know we need the money? Why are you being so selfish?!?! How else could we raise our social status, don’t you know your sister needs this in order to have a chance with the crowned prince?!?! Just be lucky that you're alive and that we feed you!” You have never been more depressed. You’ve always dreamed of marrying for true love, you didn’t want things to end up this way.

The news of your engagement broke in high society which had helped boost your family's prestige. You had briefly met your soon to be husband and had to force yourself to not cry. After the meeting, your father severely scolded you and it was decided that the next time the two of you would meet, would be on your wedding day. Due to your family’s higher social status you were all invited to the royal banquet that was created to celebrate the country’s tremendous victory in the four year war. You’ve heard rumors about it and how it was mostly won due to the general who easily sunk ten battleships in one day.

The moment that you stepped foot into that room, you immediately felt as if you did not belong. You were so out of place and everything was just so suffocating for you. You had to go outside and take a breath of fresh air. When you made your way outside you noticed a beautiful path filled with followers and decided to follow it. There you saw a beautiful flower garden, none like you’ve ever seen before. Being there just felt so peaceful and relaxing. You couldn’t help but just live the moment and dance in the moonlit sky. During that time, everything just felt so right in the world.

After you finished your performance, someone coughed in order to get your attention. Looking to the right, your heart almost shot due to fear, it was Yandere! General. He starts to compliment your dancing and the way you shined brighter than any of the stars that night. You both chat for a few moments when he just randomly asks out of nowhere, if you wanted to marry him! You honestly could not believe this man, why would you want to marry someone you just met. Without batting an eye you quickly reject the offer and before he could say anything, one of his men went to inform him that the king wanted to speak with him. Clicking his tongue in annoyance he agrees to go and tells you that he’ll be back.

Watching him leave, you swiftly make your way to exit the garden and decide to hide out in one of the restrooms. When Yandere! General gets back and immediately tries to find you but to no avail because you successfully manage to avoid him and leave undetected. This does not deter him because he has been there to find you and orders his men to help his search. By the time that the sun starts to rise he learns almost everything about you. Your age, your family, and your engagement.

That same morning Yandere! General makes his way towards your house and demands for your hand in marriage. Your parents are unsure about what to say, on one hand you being married to the general would bring many benefits but, on the other, they already agreed to you being married to the old nobleman. Your father tells him about your engagement and Yandere! General responds calmly with, “Don't worry, I’ll handle it.” In the afternoon he mails the head of your fiancé to your parents. Welp problem solved, guess you’ll just have to marry him.

Running away in this situation is useless, the only thing that you can do is to just accept your fate. With a heavy heart, you interact with him everyday getting to know your future husband.

There were of course many protests from the upper class of society. How could someone like him marry a person of lower status? It just wasn’t right. These complaints mainly came from the princess who was the most vocal about it. She loved him so much how he could do this to her. She tried to stop the wedding of herself but Yandere! General threatened to kill her. When that didn’t work he told the royal family directly that if she tries to interfere any longer, then he won’t hesitate to rebel against the royal family. After that, all attempts were stopped.

Your wedding day is very grand, there is not one speck of dust to be seen anywhere. Everything seemed so perfect, with the best of items that only money could buy. There, in one of the rooms stood you, putting on your wedding outfit with many maids swarming you like a pack of bees. As you walk to the altar you are greeted with the smiling face of your fiancé. It felt like such a blur to you, that you could hardly even comprehend what was going on. It was as if some sucked all the air out of you.

“Do you take Yandere! General to be your lawful husband?”

“… I do.”

Pt.3

[itsabouttimex2]

What kind of yandere are they?

Explanations below/Click for higher res

MK has been through so very much. The glamour of being a hero wore off quick, leaving him with many insecurities and doubts. Giving him someone innocent and kind to protect stabilizes him somewhat, but makes him more vicious in an effort to ensure their safety.

Sun Wukong thinks as something worth protecting. You give him a purpose and a good reason to dust off his old bones and return to fighting- all he asks in turn is that you stay on Flower Fruit Mountain with him. And the world getting it’s greatest hero back is a worthy trade for your lack of freedom, isn’t it? (The most likely to kidnap you, tied with Macaque.)

Ne Zha uses you as motivation for his fervent service. If the celestial realm has you, then it’s clearly worth protecting. If someone so good and kind resides there, then why should he waver in his duty? This extends to personal fights in your name- he rarely comes out unbloodied.

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The Mayor keeps a close on eye on you, always watching from the shadows. You probably have a tie to the Lady Bone Demon in some way, an heir to her blood or powers. He cultivates your misery by pulling strings and arranged misfortunes- the fact that no one stops him or saves you is proof enough (to him) that the world is rotted to the core. Proof that it needs to be destroyed. Proof that you need something, or someone better- maybe him?

You justify the Lady Bone Demon’s ideals. She watches as you suffer and break, your kind soul perpetually punished for good deeds and unyielding optimism. If you trust people, they betray you. If you help people, they hurt you. Your life is proof to her that the world is cruel, and needs to be wiped clean. So she obsessively watches from afar, her mind constantly plagued with thoughts of you, and thoughts of ending your suffering. (The most manipulative yandere on this list.)

Azure Lion sees you cast from the Celestial Realms, thrown out for daring to try and improve the lives of mortals without approval from the Celestial Bureaucracy. Not only are you a perfect member for his brotherhood (and he will get you to join), but you also reaffirm to Azure what he’s fighting for.

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Zhu Baije is a very flawed man. By his own nature, he’s something of a troublemaker. You work to counteract many of the problems he causes, working hard to ensure that no fissure in the group grows too big. It’s easy to think of you as someone worthy of worship- you seem to have an endless well of patience and kindness. He just wishes that you gave a little less of it to people who aren’t him.

Ao Lie watches you close. He sees how you struggle to pull everyone together even when things are at their absolute worst, and respects your efforts. He sees a person always willing to stand up for other and for what’s right, never allowing yourself to stand idly by. The harder you fight to mend rifts between people, the more admirable you become to him.

———————————————————————

Mei just wants you- she doesn’t bother thinking it through or wondering exactly why. You’re nice and you’re good, so you’re hers. Her parents are fully supportive of her attempts to ‘adopt’ you, and have a room set aside for the day they ‘bring you home’.

Pigsy doesn’t think of his obsession as a hero, warrior, or soldier. He instead views them as a child in need or guidance and protection, the sort who would be benefit nicely from being taken under his wing- likely enlisting Tang and MK to help him corral you into his care. (The most likely to succeed in his goal, tied with Sanzang)

———————————————————————

Princess Iron Fan doesn’t think much of you at first, viewing you as a little more than a disposable pawn. But, to her surprise- you perform far more admirably than expected, so keeping you both alive and close becomes the rational course of action. She gets used to using you, then gets used to you, then wants you. And Iron Fan knows how to get what she wants.

Macaque at first is just using you, stringing you along. He trains you to be more like him, feeds you lies about Wukong and MK, gets you to hate them by filling your head with falsehoods. And somewhere along the line, he ends up getting attached. Instead of getting better, he doubles down on his manipulations, intent on keeping you close. (The most likely to kidnap you, tied with Wukong.)

———————————————————————

Tang Sanzang sees so much potential in you. You’re a feral little thing, tucked away under bushes and baring your teeth at him- a child acting like a wild animal. His holy heart aches for you, thinking of the struggles you must’ve endured through your life. With a pair of heavenly circlets for your wrists, Sanzang inducts you along for his pilgrimage, intent on bettering you bit by bit- by force, if he must.

Expect lots of tutoring and life lessons, all delivered with endless patience and a paternal attitude. Teaching you to read and write and behave might be harder than pulling teeth, but it will be done. Not to mention the four other pilgrims whom he positions as your ‘brothers’, who adore and respect him, each one swayed by his words of what’s ‘best for you’. (The most likely to succeed in his goal, tied with Pigsy.)

Tang probably mirrors Pigsy in his acquiring of a child- he finds some dirty little waif on the streets and takes them in as his own. Something ancient and repeating calls from within him, pushing him to take this little unfortunate thing into his care, to push them to be ever better- an inner voice calling for him to be kind and merciful. And really, who is he to deny such a kind urge?

Master Subodhi is a wonderful judge of character, capable of picking out both the flaws and strengths of a person. You could be troubled and impatient, or rude and reticent. All that matters is there’s true good inside you- however embryonic it may be. Through strict guidance- and with a not insignificant amount of amusement at the shenanigans you cause with his other students- Subodhi manages to slowly molds you into a better and stronger person. Mind you, all of this is through the masterful use of manipulation. Expect his other students to help him reign you in and chip away at your resolve to leave. (The most likely to have an obsession that’s stronger than him.)

———————————————————————

Sandy thinks that you’re simply wonderful. You’ve been a constant supportive force in his life, encouraging his therapy sessions, teaching him how to brew tea, vouching for him to shelters across the city. With your support, Sandy slowly becomes a better person, leaving behind most of his obsessive and possessive behavior behind. There are lingering traces, hints of overprotectiveness and denial of consent, holding you too tight in his arms and not letting go or slipping sleeping pills into your tea… but even those habits lessen in frequency and severity.

That, or you might be a child of his that he wants to be a better role model for. Sandy wants you to be happy! He wants you to be confident! He wants you to have a good dad! So he almost unhealthily works to improve himself, finding positive ways to channel his most toxic and unhealthy traits, hoping to become someone worthy of your love. (The least likely to hurt you.)

Everyone else treats Sha Wujing like a monster, hurling wicked names and cruel words. ‘Demon’ and ‘fiend’, they decree, and Wujing has long internalized their words as truth. He’s plenty happy to act on his learned monstrosity, lashing out at any who draw near- until you come along with a simple compliment and an admission of weakness. You aren’t strong enough to fight, not quick enough to run from him- but you’re kind enough that he doesn’t think to butcher you. Growing obsessed with you amplified some of his worst traits while also teaching him about unconditional love and support, the dichotomy of equal progression preventing any true growth for a time. Once Sanzang comes along, Wujing has to think long and hard on who he is and what he’s done and who he wants to be and what he wants to do- and decides to be better for you.

There aren’t many people that the Demon Bull King cares for, but you’ve managed to worm your way into his stony heart anyhow. It’s awkward to try and be open with someone so squishy and frail, but he makes a token effort to be less intimidating and overbearing so you aren’t as scared. It’s not easy settling you into his family (especially with his son now battling you for his attention), but he’s sure you’ll get used to it eventually. Iron Fan is more on board with your induction than her son, coming to view you as a lovable; if weak, second child. Red Son refrains from outright violence, but is notably icy over the sudden competition for affection. Still, in the strangest of ways- it’s family.

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Chang’e has been alone for a very long time. There’s no real way to know exactly how long, but isolation has taken it’s toll. Is it so bad to want someone to dote on and nourish? No! So you and her should be family! She’s even more insistent if Y/N is leporine in some way- the two of you are meant to be family! A loving lunar goddess and her perfect little lop, together on the moon. To her, it sounds like something out of a fairy tale. It might be more of a saccharine nightmare to her captive, though. (The most capable of keeping Y/N from escaping.)

The Scorpion Queen really just wants a friend, no matter what it takes to get one. Loneliness has gnawed away at her inhibitions and morals, leading her to snatch up the sweetest looking person around and haul them back to her castle. She’s not above using poison to keep you complement, brewing up several blends from her own venom. Paralytics, sedatives, you name it. One quick sting and you’re helpless in the Queen’s arms, ready to be pampered and protected. After she’s done cleaning and patching your new wound, of course.

Kui Mulang has been waiting for his lover for so very long… and then you come stumbling in, wide-eyed and unaware of the dangers that the demon possesses. You’re a funny little mortal, unworthy of having your weak soul devoured- not only would it not expand his lifespan too much, but he fears it might even make him weaker. Instead, he forces you to become a cute little companion/pet and regales you with tales of his lover, filling your ears with descriptions of her beauty and kindness. Don’t get the wrong idea, though- you aren’t making him a better person. He’s just found one single person to not be totally awful to. (The most likely to replace his obsession.)

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Syntax admires your work from afar, picking apart every bit of tech you manufacture. He’ll install dozens of cameras across your home just for the joy of watching you scramble to disable or destroy them. With the sheer volume of spyware distributed, it’s inevitable that you miss at least a few, allowing the spiderized man to maintain constant surveillance. He inducts your work into his own, picking apart the blueprints he’s stolen from you, admiring the many lines of code you’ve written. There’s a new camera in your house each day, slowly stealing away all privacy. The concept of a ‘blindspot’ doesn’t exist in Syntax’s carefully curated world- no closet, corner, or crawl space is safe from his leering eyes. You’re then subjected to 24/7 surveillance, your life becoming an ever-present livestream on the screens of Syntax’s machines. (The least likely to personally interact with his obsession.)

Huntsman has never seen a worthier adversary. You match him blow for blow and thwart his traps at each turn. He has to keep upping the ante as you escape his clutches, an ever evolving quarry worthy of pursuit. The biggest (and only) dilemma he has in regards to his obsession is whether he should taxidermy or cage you. Either way, you’ll make a nice trophy. (The most likely to kill you.)

It takes a saint to gain the Ink Curse’s attention. You have to be the most wonderful goody-two shoes darling in the world, a person who’s mature and rational and kind and responsible and generous and wise and loving. If you can manage all of that, along with having no major character flaws or massive mistakes in your past… then you have their attention. It is the worst prize you could have ever received.

Alternatively, be a child who gets trapped in the scroll. There’ll be a mocking form of pity to every interaction, but the Curse might try to mold you into an equally brutal punisher of sins. After all, what else can you do? You’re stuck, aren’t you? Get used to the company, kiddo. (The most likely to break you.)

Yellowtusk would happily speak with you until all the rivers of the world run dry. The two of you match wits in civil debates, opposing each other’s viewpoints and arguments with fervor. No stakes, no hatred, no grudges- just debate for the sake of debate. You grow together, sharing your wells of knowledge and expanding the breadth of your wisdom side by side. His obsession with you is softer than most, quelled by quick chats and simple skinship - but it’s obsession all the same, waiting to spiral out of control.

———————————————————————

Red Son’s pride is an irrefutable aspect of him. The half-demon views himself as superior to all but a select few- and you, unfortunately, do not fall into that group. Red thinks of you as something akin to a cherished pet, worthy of care and companionship, but not freedom or respect. He could control almost every aspect of your life if he so wanted, but that’s more trouble than he desires. If you behave properly, Red allows you to dress yourself and have a small collection of personal possessions. Also, expect him to personally forge you a tracking collar emblazoned with his family’s insignia. (He truly does care about you- deep, deep, deep down in his heart. But you’re still lesser than him.)

If you happen to be his sibling, though, his treatment of you becomes more bearable. He’s still insanely possessive and domineering, but there’s more respect for you as a person.

The Spider Queen also thinks of you as a pet, a cute little thing to dress up and lock in chains. You make the most wonderful decoration for her throne room, shaking in the corner with a shackle clasped around your wrist. Everything you wear is produced from her own silken webs, everything you eat is caught and killed with her own two hands. If you step too far out of line, expect your next meal to be the corpse of a loved one.

Peng looks at you with some strange mixture of pity and amusement. (There’s some genuine care in there, but they’d never admit it.) You’re the smallest and youngest of the Brotherhood, with naivety and kindness to match. They find it funny to toy with you in a variety of ways, though they take care to never truly cause harm. Ex: Knocking into you for the sole purpose of tripping you up, biting back laughs as you apologize for ‘not paying attention.’ Peng will ‘forgive’ what you perceive as a personal mistake, hauling you up and dusting you off before sending you on your way. You’re a fun toy. A devoted sibling. A cute little time-killer. And, somehow- the person they cherish above all else.

[amelee23]

I didn't accidentally love you | Hwang Hyunjin

Genre: Hopelessly romantic fluff, angst, poetry, a little comedy

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x gender neutral reader

Word Count: 3.1k

Warnings: reader is an insecure poet, heartbreak, bad self esteem, poetry clubs, Hyunjin is dripping charisma, shameless flirting, reader thinks hyun is a jerk for like a second, reader.exe stops working multiple times, reader gets shy, i just HAD to be funny at the end OKAY

Synopsys: Your friends forced you to become part of a poetry club, and when you receive a task to write a poem about sadness, you realize you accidentally write it about Hyunjin, the guy you had a crush on and tried to forget about. And he finds out.

A/N: I promised @astraystayyh to write this, here you go sugar &lt;3

Artists have many moments of weakness.

Those moments when you start to question your craft, whether you're even worthy of being called an 'artist' or you're just a fleeting talent that is going to wash away with time, just like the hobby or interest of a preschooler. You inquire if you're worthy staining pages with ink, using the words of the dictionary just to feel the high of belonging - the high of doing show and tell with your emotions like it's a new toy your parents gifted you; or you should just remain a consumer, and observe the beauty that lies in others, the beauty others can create. Could your craft ever rise to all these expectations?

But what else is there to life, if not making art?

Perhaps you've always been clinically insane, but you've only truly felt alive when you felt the beauty of the world - dark and bright alike - conveyed through you in the form of poetry and words, sent by the angels above for a mere human to toy with. So you pick up the pencil again.

The paper before you is blank, and you're frankly uncomfortable in the position you are in, notebook on your thighs, back curved over the page as if you're shielding unwritten words from the sun itself to not read them. But you've always felt more at ease writing outside, under the natural light of the sky, with the clouds passing by carelessly, like they don't have doubts about their worth like a human would. But the stares of the students passing by are not exactly comfortable. You take a breath and urge yourself to focus; they don't care about what you're doing, they're just heading to their classes, living their lives (hopefully) with that same hunger you have for art, for their chosen subjects.

You face your paper again and remember the prompt you were given - writing a poem involving the feeling of sadness - that you're supposed to hand over to the club in a couple of days. Insecurities and procrastination led you to keep putting it off, but the dread of a deadline has always been a great motivation for humanity. Your friends urged you towards this, to join the poetry club of your university - it's a small, non-profit club put together by a bunch of random art and literature students. It's so non-profit in fact, that it barely has any funding at all. They had to fight tooth and nail to be allowed to host the club meetings every week in the sculpting room - and that, late in the day, when the cleaning staff unlocks the doors for their cleaning sweep. You sit on awkward, stained chairs, and make sure to raise your feet up one by one to not stand in the way of the mop and brooms. But the club members would withstand anything, and would pretty much commit homicide to keep the club running. One more reason why, when faced with the passion and fighting spirit your club mates have, you wonder if you even have a space with them. You had to be shoved - one could say even blackmailed - by your friends to take the step forward and join, so you could be able to share your craft with others. You were perfectly happy letting your poems stack up in endless notebooks on top of your dusty bookcase. You didn't feel the need to share them, per se - but everyone else insisted it would have been a crime to keep them to yourself selfishly like that.

Sadness, sadness. You need to embody sadness for this prompt. You look around for inspiration, but there is no sad sight to see. The sky is clear, in colors of baby blue and soft whites, the branches of the green, young trees are barely even swaying in the wind, and there's college students laughing all around. Has anything sad happened in your life lately? Not really, nothing to inspire poems at least. Not that you are bursting at the seams with happiness, but you believed no one really is. There's a lot going on behind the cover of every human passing by, and even if all you can feel is the slight shoulder brush of a stranger, you do know those shoulders carry as much, if not even more weight than yours.

That's it. You start writing, and word by word they flow, one line, two lines until you have seven of them - you even managed to rhyme! It's not much, but it's honest work. Since there is no one close by, you begin to read the poem out loud softly. Hearing what you wrote always helps you perfect the rhymes, the punctuation and change around words if they sound too awkward. After erasing, rewriting and erasing again just to end up redoing the whole last two lines, you finally thought it was good enough.

---

Here and now, I must take a vow:

You'll never hear me confess, that in the depths of my weary chest

Underneath the smile I wore, there's a sadness in my soul;

Nothing's wrong - it's my biggest lie, hiding a muffled cry

Just behind a giggle and a laugh, acting is my biggest craft;

I loved you - but heard the ticking of the clock and thought

No more. It's time I stopped and gave you up.

---

You smile, because for a split second you actually think your poem sounds really good. But then, the insecurities crash on top of you again. Your club mates are probably writing long, heart-wrenching poems that are going to make you cry when you read them. Your idea will surely seem shallow and rushed in comparison to theirs. With a sigh, you wish to be able to just give yourself this one. Tell yourself you did good enough by trying and move on - brush it off and think progressively, that your next poem is going to be even better than this one. But you don't truly feel that way, so you begin to beautify the first letter of every line with calligraphic letters to overcompensate for the lack of skill you feel you have. The capital H at the beginning of the first line, the capital Y at the beginning of the second line and so on; you turn them into beautiful, aesthetic calligraphy as much to your ability. In the end, you just think you've made a mess, and that there is simply too much ink on the page now.

---

Here and now, I must take a vow:

You'll never hear me confess, that in the depths of my weary chest

Underneath the smile I wore, there's a sadness in my soul;

Nothing's wrong - it's my biggest lie, hiding a muffled cry

Just behind a giggle and a laugh, acting is my biggest craft;

I loved you - but heard the ticking of the clock and thought

No more. It's time I stopped and gave you up.

---

Oh no.

Your eyes open wide and you can't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

The first letter of every single line, from top to bottom, spell HYUNJIN. The name of the boy you swore to yourself you've moved on from.

Hyunjin, who spoke about life as if it was art itself and spoke about art as if it was life itself.

Hyunjin, with the calm and warm voice - quiet and observant and yet, from the ocean in his eyes, bathed in a soft moonlight, it always seemed like his mind was in faraway lands, dreaming, humming, sighing before a field of lilies in the middle of the night.

Hyunjin, who seemed like through every song he listened to and sang, every poem he read and wrote, every painting he saw and painted, he dicovered all the secrets the universe had. As if human life was a melancholic, nostalgic memory to him, life experiencing itself all over again - he seemed so kind, so unfazed, so utterly in love with existence.

Hyunjin, who read every single one of your poems and told you he'd never allow you to leave the club. He was always so warm, you could hardly believe he wasn't doing it out of habit, spreading his magical touch over the wounds in your heart just like he would with anyone else. But it wasn't his fault you always questioned your worth.

Hyunjin, with whom you've fallen in love with gravely. For every smile he showed around you, for every squeal-like laugh he gifted you, for every time he held your hand gently to calm your nerves, you added one more day to the delusion of hanging on to him.

Hyunjin, who was merely a pipe dream.

He is the co-leader of the poetry club you're in. That's why you've always considered his compliments and encouragements to be just him doing his job - and yet they continued to fuel that foolish fire of yours for far too long. You never confessed to him, of course. But there would be nothing wrong with you two dating, from an ethical point of view. This is just a poetry club ran by students, it's not like having a crush on your boss. But still, the title of co-leader put him above you in a way you couldn't describe. Maybe it's the fact that he has more experience in art. Maybe it's the fact that he's more skillful. Maybe it's the fact that he's taught you many techniques and actually became a figure to rely on. Therefore he was still above you in a way, and so was the leader.

The leader of the club, she resembled Hyunjin in an almost eerie way. People do say, someone who is beautiful on the inside will always radiate beauty on the outside, too. That was a clear description of both of them. She too, was a romantic and an artist, she had a feather light laugh, star like freckles dusting her face, and eyes that could hold galaxies. She was the end of Hyunjin's sentences and the beginning of his thoughts. They made an incredible pair and their teamwork was impeccable as leaders. They weren't dating, but your heart kept telling you, that one day they will. It would be simply impossible for two souls so perfectly woven for each other to simply separate and go their different ways. And yet, you still foolishly had fallen for Hyunjin and every single week, the pain in your chest grew.

Oh, it hurt. It shouldn't have, really. You were just a newcomer being silly and they were fit for a lifetime. You had no chance nor the courage to hope and dream a miracle would land you in Hyunjin's loving arms. She wasn't to blame, he wasn't to blame, your pain was fully your fault. You fell in love and you had to fix it. So you made an oath with yourself to let it go, get those heavy rocks off of your lungs and allow yourself to breathe. There will be other boys in your life. They will not be Hyunjin, but other boys will exist.

You thought you were done with the tears, with the heartache and the love-sick poems. But it seemed you did have one more poem left in you, and it bubbled to the surface.

If the sun wasn't that bright, you wouldn't even have noticed the shadow of someone looming over you. You heard a melodic hum above your head and when you looked up, your heart dropped.

"What do we have here?" He teased, snatching your notebook right out of your hands. You couldn't even react in time, he was already standing up before you, reading the contents of your poem. His lips hung slightly open and he let out a gasp, and you really thought poetry was perhaps the only way to describe the look on his face. You watched his eyes travel the page, his chest deflating very rarely as if he was holding his breath. He looked surprised, but it wasn't an anxious type of bewilderment, nor an excited one either. He was looking at your notebook as if it was some sort of mythical creature, something that shouldn't possibly exist-

And then his eyes found yours. They wrecked you from the inside out, a brown so blown out, so dark, unalike what you've seen before. There was no more serene skies and calm seas in his eyes, there was a storm, a hurricane - a complete blackout. He looked frightened. Maybe he was in fact, still shaken by the secrets of the universe. Maybe humans are not supposed to know what mythological creatures actually look like. Maybe denying their existence would be easier on the collective-

"I can explain!" You jump up from the bench you were seated on. "That was an accident - it's not what it looks like!" He's not listening to you. His mind has gone to those faraway lands again, and he's dreaming while he glances at the page. You move to take the notebook away from him, but he raises it above his head. He's too tall to reach, so you don't even try.

"Well." He speaks, softly, anxiously, awkwardly. He softly lowers the notebook, but he holds it tight to his chest. He won't let you take it back. "I think now it's only fair I dedicate my poetry to you as well." Now it's your turn to remain with your mouth agape. You're blinking at him, and you don't realize you're looking at him exactly the same way he looked at you a minute ago. You're both scared and yet in marvel, and he takes a step closer. You inhale sharply, but it gets stuck in your throat. You can't breathe, your stomach is tense, and a shiver is shaking the fingers of your hands. His eyes are transfixed on yours, and he moves even closer, he's too close - and he asks for permission. "If you'll allow me?"

He's asking you to become his muse.

But you couldn't answer him even if you wanted to. It's embarrassing, but the only thing you can muster is a whimper.

He continues to stare at your face, until slowly and gradually a smile tugs at the corner of his lips and he lets out a giggle. He waves a hand in front of your face and cocks an eyebrow, in an attempt to bring you out of your daze. You're so confused you could die.

Was the last few minutes just a joke? Was he just mocking you-? He must have been. Nothing is as good as it seems, and Hwang Hyunjin couldn't be any different. Maybe he was just a self centered jerk under the dreamy romantic aura he carried. It would be easier to start hating him than to continue helplessly liking him, right?

You barely register Hyunjin putting your spiral notebook down on the bench to gently rip out the page with the poem. He folds the page in two and then hands you your notebook back.

"As the co-leader of the club, I reject your entry. You must write another poem, I'm confiscating this one." You cock your head. What is he saying? Is this still, all part of the joke?

"What- what are you- what are you gonna do with it?" You manage to spew out a sentence, not that it was the most important question to ask. Hyunjin raises his shoulders.

"Put it on my wall? Tape it in my journal? I'll find a place." He answers nonchalantly. You see his eyebrows dance on his face as he thinks for a second, then his expression tells you he got an idea. "Or... I could give it back to you... If you visit the seashore with me."

You side eye him and furrow your brows. "To do what?" He raises his shoulders again.

"I need inspiration for all of the poems I'm gonna start writing about you." He's calm, almost too calm as he says it, and he begins to smile once more as he watches your mouth hang open again.

"Are you making fun of me?" You finally ask, and Hyunjin looks downright offended. He raises his eyebrows, and comically cranes his neck back, pointing a finger at himself and then at you.

"ME? Make fun of YOU? Why? I'm... asking you out on a date..." And you're somehow supposed to process that information without finding a million excuses why this shouldn't be happening and wouldn't be happening. But it is happening.

"So you're not joking?"

"No?" He replies shaking his head.

"You're being serious."

"Yeah.." He replies, this time nodding his head.

"Seriously?" He laughs, finding you adorable.

"Seriously." Suddenly, the situations is a little too real and too much to take. Your hopelessly romantic and yet heavily insecure brain almost ruined a moment you could have only dreamt about, and you almost thought Hyunjin was a jerk. You hide your face in your hands and let out a muffled whine. Hyunjin is extremely amused, and feeling a little playful, he comes closer and cocks his head close to your face. You can't see him, but you peek through your fingers when you hear him speak again. "So is that a yes?" You watch glimpses of his face between your fingers and nod back at him. "Great then!" His face is so bright, and you can't hide your eyes from his anymore. Today, you saw how his eyes looked with a storm in them, but now they look different once more - like a sunrise above a beach, it's all so golden and full of life, sweet like honey and rich like gold. Warmth spreads through your chest, and he places a hand gently on your arm. His thumb caresses your bicep for a few seconds. "I'll text you the details."

You feel drunk, as his touch leaves your body but still lingers. He walks away to his next class, but he turns around briefly to remind you of your task.

"And don't forget you have to write a new poem until Thursday!" He waives the page he stole from you between his fingers and laughs his ass off at the exasperated sigh you give in return and the angry squint and pout.

You're pretty sure he didn't believe you when you said that poem was an accident. And he never will, even when you try to explain it to him on your first date. And on the second date you swear it wasn't on purpose, and on the third date you tell him for just how long you've liked him and how you tried to let him go. And on the fourth date he tells you he knows your poem wasn't an accident no matter what you think or say. And on the fifth, you agree with him.

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[hayatheauthor]

How to Develop a Memorable Antagonist

Antagonists are one of the most important characters in your book. Without an antagonist, writers wouldn’t have a story to write in the first place. They bring the action, drama, trauma and many other factors that are often the reason for a book’s success. However, their pivotal role in the book is often why antagonists can come across as poorly-written one-dimensional characters. 

From stereotypical backstories to a lack of humanisation, authors often make simple mistakes that can result in a cliche or boring antagonist. Are you struggling to create a compelling antagonist for your WIP? Here are some tips to help you get started. 

Give Your Antagonist A Clear Motive 

People don’t just wake up one day and decide they want to fundamentally alter society and possibly end the world. Or, maybe they do, but their idealogy starts somewhere. Voldemort wanted to change the wizarding world because he loathed muggles due to his parents, Hannibal’s tragic past triggered his cannibalistic tendencies. 

Every antagonist has a reason for their crimes, and it's important to understand your antagonist’s motives and goals in order to create a compelling villain. Start with your antagonist’s backstory. 

Did they have a tragic childhood? Did they desperately want to achieve a certain goal but failed and were driven insane? Are they following someone? Are they being manipulated? There is an endless list of possible reasons you can choose from in order to create a compelling motive for your antagonist. 

Make Your Antagonist Multi-Dimensional 

Once you have established their initial reasoning it’s time to go into more detail. I would start by taking their dynamic with the other characters into consideration. Why do they despise the protagonist? Do they want to simply remove the obstacles in their way or do they have a personal vendetta? 

It’s also important to consider the other characters. Is there a mentor figure in your book who the antagonist has a personal vendetta against? What about their allies and henchmen? How did they meet them? Did the antagonist start off alone or have they worked with the same group of people since the start? 

Your readers don’t necessarily need to know every single detail of your antagonist’s past, but having a clear understanding of their motives and dynamics can help you create a clear image of the antagonist. For example, they could be particularly spiteful towards the protagonist’s best friend because she is the daughter of the antagonist’s ex-ally. This could make for an easy subplot or come in handy if you need to distract the antagonist in a fight scene. 

Make Your Readers Empathise With Them 

When developing a motive authors should always look for a way to make their readers empathise with the antagonist. Show us why we should feel sorry for them, tell us they could have had a promising future if it weren’t for an unjust moment in their lives. When you make your readers feel conflicted about your antagonist they become more than just a character on the page. 

Your readers begin to question whether their tragic past justifies their actions, some might root for them, others might dislike them more and regard them as apathetic. However, the goal is to make your readers view your antagonist as more than just the person causing issues for your protagonist. 

Give Them Strengths And Weaknesses 

Everyone hates a Mary Sue protagonist, but the same can be said for an antagonist. Think of it this way—if your antagonist is an all-powerful flawless villain who could destroy the world if they wanted to, then why haven’t they already won? Why do they have to fight the protagonist? 

The good vs bad, protagonist vs antagonist dynamic only entices readers if they can’t tell who is going to come on top at the end of it all. This is why it’s essential to give your antagonist appropriate strengths and weaknesses. 

Here’s an example of an antagonist with appropriate strengths and weaknesses: a main antagonist is an all-powerful witch who wants to destroy the protagonist’s home country but she lost most of her power in a fight against the mentor and can’t gain them back without a special artefact. 

This example shows your readers how big of a threat the antagonist is while also providing her with appropriate strengths and shortcomings. This can look a little different depending on the genre you write for. Maybe the antagonist in a romcom wants to get the love interest married off to a side character and has the leverage to do so but the main character is introduced to the love interest’s family to try and sway the antagonist’s plans.  

You don’t need to create a comprehensive list of all of your antagonist’s strengths and weaknesses, but it’s important to have a proper understanding of what puts them in a position to easily combat your protagonist and what stops them from outright winning. 

Showcase Their (Negative) Impact On The Story 

An antagonist can only be labelled as such if they actively do things to hinder or harm the protagonist. Simply saying your antagonist is a bad person isn’t enough, you need to show your readers this too. 

When you start reading Harry Potter it is made clear that Voldemort was an all-powerful wizard who severely damaged the wizarding world during the first war, however, his bad deeds aren’t only reserved for the past. He was also just as evil in the present and was out to harm Harry from the first book itself. 

From small confrontations with the protagonists to entire fights, it’s important to create a range of situations and chapters that can showcase your antagonist’s ‘true colours’. 

Keep Their Personality Consistent 

Just like every other character, it is important to ensure you have a consistent personality type for your antagonist. An antagonist regularly spotted in a suit known for their professional and calculative plans wouldn’t casually joke around with the protagonists during a showdown. The way they contradict the protagonist should also be reflective of their personality. 

You should also take their personal history into consideration and how that could impact their dynamics with certain characters. For example, a character like Tom Riddle who despised both of his parents would likely be spiteful whenever they see the protagonist with their mentor figure and could even target the mentor out of spite. 

The only time an antagonist’s personality should change is during a pivotal point in the book’s plot. Maybe the put-together antagonist shows off their frustrated side when the protagonist outwits them, maybe they let out maniacal laughter when the protagonist asks them about their motives. 

It’s important to treat your antagonists like humans and consider how a person with that personality would realistically react to the situations they are in. 

Avoid Creating A Stereotypical Antagonist 

Nobody likes an overdone cliche. When writing your antagonist try to avoid creating stereotypical villains. Here are a few examples of stereotypical antagonists and how to avoid them: 

The Evil Mastermind: Instead of making the antagonist an all-powerful villain with no weaknesses, give them flaws and limitations that can be exploited by the protagonist. Make the antagonist's motives more complex than just wanting to take over the world, and consider giving them a personal connection to the protagonist or a sympathetic backstory.

The Brainwashed Henchman: Rather than having the antagonist control their minions through brainwashing or mind control, make the henchman have agency and free will. Consider making the henchman conflicted about their role, or have them question the antagonist's motives and methods.

The Vengeful Ex-Lover: Instead of making the antagonist a scorned lover seeking revenge, consider giving them a different motivation for their actions. For example, the antagonist might be seeking revenge for a perceived betrayal, or they might be trying to protect someone they care about.

The Unfeeling Machine: Rather than making the antagonist a cold, calculating machine with no emotions, consider giving them a personal stake in the conflict. The antagonist might be acting out of fear or desperation, or they might be struggling with moral dilemmas related to their actions.

The Crazy Cult Leader: Instead of making the antagonist a stereotypical cult leader with a group of brainwashed followers, consider giving them a more nuanced personality. The antagonist might genuinely believe in their cause and be able to convince others to follow them, or they might be struggling with doubts and conflicts within their own ideology.

Avoid ‘One Man Armies’ 

Let’s be honest, one evil wizard cannot destroy your protagonist’s entire world by themselves. Just like protagonists have mentors, allies, coworkers, friends and sidekicks your antagonists need to have allies too. Voldemort didn’t conquer the entire wizarding world by himself right after graduating from Hogwarts, he instead built his troops and only fought Dumbledore once he was ready. 

When worldbuilding for your novel it’s important to create some semblance of character development for background antagonists as well as the lead antagonists. 

I hope this blog on how to develop a memorable antagonist will help you in your writing journey. Be sure to comment any tips of your own to help your fellow authors prosper, and follow my blog for new blog updates every Monday and Thursday.  

Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks? 

Are you an author looking for writing tips and tricks to better your manuscript? Or do you want to learn about how to get a literary agent, get published and properly market your book? Consider checking out the rest of Haya’s book blog where I post writing and marketing tools for authors every Monday and Thursday

[intimacyequalsdeath]

Bubz's Slasher Fictober Apple Crumble NSFW Alphabets Day 19: Brahms Heelshire

At first I was a little hesitant to do Brahms but I knew I couldn't let Fictober go without including him in it so here we have day 19! I know we have a handful more days to go but I can't believe we're heading so fast towards November already but don't you worry I have even more fun events in the works for both November and December <3

Notes: Minors DNI, Smut, NSFW

A is for Aftercare (What they're like after sex):

Aftercare? What are you talking about, He's the baby. He's the one who gets the aftercare. If you wanna take a bath he'll happily join you but don't expect much else besides you having to do clean up.

B is for Body Part (Favorite on them and their partner):

He's immature so considering this his favorite body part on him is probably his dick. He likes how good he can make you feel and how good you can make him feel with it.

His favorite body part on you again would be very immature so probably your chest or your ass. Whichever he's really feeling at the time being.

C is for Cum (Anything to do with cum):

Messy as fuck and only sometimes does he cum inside you. Seeing how much of a mess he can make thrills him so he goes out of his way to make it as messy as possible.

D is for Dirty Secret:

His dirty secret is pretty obvious but he still wouldn't let you know. He was watching you through the walls before he revealed himself to you. His favorite time to watch you was when you would shower, he would sit for hours touching himself to the sight and thought of the warm water running over your naked body.

E is for Experience (How experienced are they?):

None like whatsoever. He's lived in the walls essentially his entire adult life. No previous partners, no previous encounters of any sexual nature. He knew how to touch himself, that was about it.

F is for Favorite Position:

Well first off he doesn't really know what "Positions" are unless you tell him what their called. So he likes really anything since to him it all feels good and he's got nothing to compare it to yet.

G is for Goofy (How serious are they?):

He's not goofy but not serious either, he's just sort of clueless. He's gotta figure out what he's doing before he gives you any reaction so give him some time to get his bearings.

H is for Hair (How well groomed are they?):

If you want him groomed your gonna have to show him how to do it. He's been living in the walls as I said his entire adult life and then some, of course he's a bit unruly down there BUT it's not gross. His parents at least had enough sense to tell him he should shower at least from time to time and use proper hygiene, he just doesn't trim his hair down there.

I is for Intimacy (How are they during the act, romantic etc):

He's actually really romantic, even though he is clueless as hell he does still care about you. He wants you to love him as much as he loves you and wants to ensure you'll stick around.

J is for Jackoff (Do they masturbate and how often?):

How often do you shower and change clothes? cause even if he's not physically next to you he's still always watching. Pretty much every time you do either of those things he sees it as an excuse to touch himself.

K is for Kink (Their kinks):

Another thing he doesn't really quite have down yet. However he does like it when you call him a good boy and tell him how good he makes you feel. (Praise Kink)

He also really likes when you let him tie you up so he can play with you. This is where is immaturity shines since things can devolve into not sex related activities as he will no doubt leave you tied up like that for hours. (Bondage)

L is for Location (Favorite places to have sex):

Everywhere really, all over his house he really doesn't care. The messier the better in Brahms's opinion. Plus your the babysitter he isn't, so it's not like he's the one who has to clean it.

M is for Motivation (What turns them on?):

Literally everything turns him on. Sex scenes in shows you make him watch to you eating popsicles in the summer. He's essentially going to be attached to you at the hip and ready for sex at all times.

N is for No (Something they won't do):

He's another one I can see not liking to physically hurt you. I mean sure he can be mean with teasing, but there's a big difference between mean teasing and physically hurting you and even Brahms knows that.

O is for Oral (Oral Preferences):

Your mouth on his dick, 24/7 365. If you show him how he'll give you something back from time to time but he LOVES receiving and is a hard egg to crack to convince otherwise.

P is for Pace (How fast or slow? Are they rough?):

He can get rough at times, but he always goes kinda fast. He's desperate to fuck you and reach his climax so he goes as fast as possible to reach his climax as fast as possible (Teach this boy how to sex)

Q is for Quickie ( Do they like quickies?):

From the blurb above pretty much everything with Brahms is a quickie. At least to start off with, with the way he acts like it's a race to cum.

R is for Risk (Are they down to experiment?):

He thinks having basic sex is already experimenting so just start bringing stuff up to him and he'll be happy to oblige. He's quite literally a blank slate when it comes to sex so give this baby some experiences.

S if for Stamina (How long can they go for?):

He can go for a good few hours. He does get tired though once he's came a couple times. Sometimes though you do have to remind him to ease off you and take a break to not overwork himself.

T is for Toys (Do they use toys and do they like them?):

Again entirely blank slate when it comes to anything sexual. So feel free to show him the ropes and introduce whatever toys you want. He'll be very vocal when you try a toy he doesn't like so you can try and refine his palette.

U if for Unfair (Do they like to tease?):

Mean teasing all the time, this is where his childish nature shines so get used to childish insults he doesn't actually mean that's just literally what he thinks flirting is like.

V is for Volume (How loud can they get?):

He can get pretty loud, he's totally a whiner and moans from time to time so he gets pretty loud. Luckily the house is always empty so he can be as loud as his heart desires.

W is for Wild Card (Random things):

I could see him liking when you dress up as like a French maid or something cliche like that. He really likes to see you in skimpy outfits and barely there underwear.

X is for X-Ray (What are they packing):

6 inches solid. It's also curved upwards towards the end with just the right amount of girth to stretch you out when it's inside you.

Y is for Yearning (How high is their sex drive?):

Again literally a gust of wind could turn him on so his sex drive is through the roof. He yearns for you every second of every day and can't believe that he has you all to himself.

Z is for ZZZ (How fast do they fall asleep?):

Pretty much right after unless the two of you wanna take a bath. This baby is out like a light until the morning so save any questions, comments and concerns until then.

[sunkissedchld]

𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃

𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒎𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒔

the piles go from left to right. therefore, pile one is the pink box with a charlie brown theme, pile two is the 2022 letter with a tiger sticker, and so on and so forth.

this PAC details what messages you have been intentionally missing because you don’t want to acknowledge or admit something. parts of these messages may sound harsh, but it’s not meant to be in a mean way - it’s meant to be in a blunt way where you can no longer ignore what you’ve been putting off.

take your time to use your intuition to choose the pile that will best resonate with you. lastly, please don’t be afraid to say if the message resonated or not. it helps me in determining if my interpretations are correct or not, and i appreciate any sort of feedback - even if it’s “bad”.

good luck to you, reader 📨

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Muwop" by Latto (feat. Gucci Mane)

"Dynamite" by Gallant & Brandy

"Guns and Ships" from Hamilton the Musical

"Talkin' Bout" by Loui (feat. Saweetie)

"Champagne Poetry" by Drake 

Cards:

Seven of Cups, Ace of Wands, Eight of Pentacles, Eight of Cups, The Lovers (Rx), Eight of Wands

Reading:

Folks of pile one, you may have a lot of choices at your fingertips. These choices could have to do with what school you should go to, or what career should you pursue; should you change jobs, or should you pursue a promotion; should you continue in the beliefs and way of thinking you've already established, or should you look into new philosophies? Intuitively, these choices have to do with the new and the old - do you continue doing something you've developed a routine of doing, or should you try something totally new and out of your comfort zone? Some of these choices seem dreamier than they actually are and that's possibly what's causing you confusion. For most of you, you're being asked to choose the new over the old; in all, this collective is being told to go for the choice that stirs up motivation, enthusiasm, and inspiration in you - make the choice that brings you happiness. 

With 888 being shown by the cards, you're being told to trust that everything is falling into place for you. Do you trust your guides the way you say you do? One line that sticks out comes from the final shufflemancy song, "Champagne Poetry" by Drake, when he says "still managed to moonwalk straight through a minefield". Some of you may be learning the skill of faith - and not just the kind where you say you have it. The changes you're being asked to make will lead you to better circumstances in your future, but you have to take the leap to accept them. There's a need to see your loss of the old or your comfort zone as an opportunity for more; I'm reminded of that one Facebook meme when a little girl is holding a small teddy bear and telling Jesus that she doesn't want to give it up, but Jesus has an even bigger bear right behind his back that he's ready to give her when she gives up what she's used to. If you continue on the path you're on right now, you will continue to feel the disappointment, confusion, and imbalance you've been experiencing for a while now. 

The easier and more willing you are to give up the old, the quicker you will experience movement towards the new. Trust the process of your growth.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"Everytime" by Smarty Baby (feat. Spool)

"NASA" by Ariana Grande

"She Knows" by J. Cole

"Cash Race" by Tinashe

"So Far So Fake" by Pierce the Veil

Cards:

Queen of Cups, Seven of Wands, Six of Pentacles, Page of Swords, The Empress, Knight of Cups, Four of Cups, Queen of Swords

Reading:

The majority of energy surrounding you, pile two, is connected to your emotions and intuition. You may be very used to caring for others and giving them your all. You may be known as the "parent" friend that is always caring for your friend group and nurturing others' wishes and wants. With "NASA" and "She Knows" as shufflemancy songs, I get the feeling you're being asked to stand up for yourself and figure out what you need from others instead of constantly giving to them. You may be very used to persevering and pushing through your emotional highs and lows on your own while others often turn to you to burden theirs. The lyrics from "She Knows" stick out the most when Cole repeats, "I can't be what you want from me" and also "only bad thing 'bout a star is they burn up". You can't give anything to other people if you don't first take care of yourself because if you do that, you will burn yourself out - one way or another. 

You're being asked to communicate your needs in relationships to those you care to continue to have one with. Now is the time to bring in new ideas about communication and your ideas of how you'd like to experience a relationship - friendship, romance, work, and more. You need to speak up. You may worry that if you rock the boat so to say, then you'll experience conflict; you're worried you will lose people you consider important; you may worry that no one cares for you the same way you care for everyone else. The thing is, you have the ability to bring abundant and nurturing energy to not only others, but also yourself. Everything blooms around you - because of you. It's okay, and it's time, to put yourself first, especially since for so long you've done the complete opposite. You should likely do some meditation and thinking about what it is you need in order to feel appreciated in a relationship, and if people are not willing to meet said needs, then it's time to cut yourself free and find independence from those who are not willing to meet your needs. 

You deserve to have people around you that make you feel safe and supported. Relationships (of all kinds) are not one-way streets where you should be the only person driving. They need to be reciprocal or else you're just giving yourself away until you're withered down to nothing, and that is not sustainable. Not now; not ever.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Shufflemancy:

"What Are We" by Inayah

"Treat You Better" by Shawn Mendes

"Know Better" by Tinashe

"Lost One" by Jazmine Sullivan

"break up with your girlfriend, i'm bored (live)" by Ariana Grande

Cards:

Six of Cups, Seven of Swords, The Hanged Man, Nine of Wands, Four of Pentacles, Page of Swords (Rx), Three of Cups, The Magician

Reading:

You might be feeling very nostalgic right now or as of recent. You could have feelings for a childhood or long-term friend or this friend has feelings for you. You could have recently gotten back into contact with them and they realized their feelings or you realized yours. One person may be trying to make a move towards the other, but the other person is closed off, possibly lying to themselves about how they actually feel about the person who is being honest about theirs. This could also apply differently in that one person is in a relationship where they're being lied to, manipulated, or cheated on. The other person could realize what's happening and think, "they don't deserve that; I would treat them so much better - I wish they could see that". In both situations, there's a feeling of suspension and restriction in some way. Someone could be afraid of making a move or falling for someone else. 

The way this message came in for you, pile three, was different from the others since technically only two songs are considered shufflemancy; the other three were channeled during a time I wasn't doing a reading. To me, this means this message is a little more urgent and that you need to make a move or decision quicker than those who chose other piles. For those of you who may be thinking, "maybe this isn't for me", some other signs this could be for you are 7/77/777, heavy Sagittarius and Leo energy or placements, heavy or significant Saturn transit aspects, and/or someone with Jupiter in retrograde in their natal chart. 

Moving on, you're being asked to have some courage and gather the strength needed to face your fears. For those of you who are in a relationship, maybe your current significant other isn't who you think they are; maybe they've broken your trust many times, or held you back from things that make you happy, or create an environment of love that isn't safe or preferred in some way. You deserve (and can receive) a better type of love and commitment from other people than the person you're with right now if you're feeling they aren't appreciating you. Be willing to demand more for yourself because you deserve it; you are worth it.

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐕

Shufflemancy:

"Still Into You" by Paramore

"Water Me" by Lizzo

"Miss Murder" by AFI

"Love Killa" by Monsta X

"Sicko Mode" by Travis Scott (feat. Drake)

Cards:

Page of Swords, Five of Wands (Rx), Seven of Cups, King of Wands, Judgment, The Sun, Two of Wands

Reading:

Choosers of pile four, you're being asked to be willing to share your ideas and feelings more than you are currently. You are entering a new phase of life where not talking and keeping your thoughts to yourself will not serve you. You may be receiving new opportunities of different kinds (jobs/internships for some of you, new friendships and relationships, etc.), and there's a need for you to no longer avoid confrontations in order to have peace, but instead you need to speak up and find a compromise for you and the other person or people. There's a way to have both of your needs met rather than just one person's. 

Moving on, you may need to make quick choices soon. Some of you may have been dreaming about working in a certain field or meeting someone specific, and that wish could be coming to fruition. There may be a vast array of options, but make sure you're making the right choice and not falling for the illusionary and fanatical ones; go over what your options carefully. When you finally make a decision, be bold in it and don't waver - someone could try to persuade you to do something other than what you want, but you'll need to stand up for yourself; this could be why you're being told to speak up more now. Be willing to take action and be a leader when it comes to what it is you want to achieve. 

When making this decision, follow your intuition, logic, and heart. Think of what it is you want to come out of what you've wanted for so long; what are your true desires? What is it that you want to experience? Have confidence in your abilities and also in the thought that everything you want and dreamed of could absolutely happen for you. Have faith in yourself. Allow yourself to experience the happiness you dreamed of and always wanted. Be willing to make moves forward in your life. Don't allow others or yourself (as a result of anxieties) to hold you back from your potential.

[rollingsins]

all hers, part xiv

part i | part ii | part iii | part iv | part v | part vi | part vii | part viii | part ix | part x | part xi | part xii | part xiii | part xiv | part xv | part xvi | part xvii | part xviii | part xix | part xx | part xxi | part xxii | part xxiii | part xxiv | part xxv | part xxvi | epilogue

summary: The scooby-gang formulate a plot to stop Ghostface in his tracks. Tara and R deal with the aftermath of the attack.

warnings: (+18), Tara is Ghostface, smut, 18+. pussy-eating, vaginal fingering, face-sitting, rim jobs, mention of anal sex.

word count: 3.5k

a/n: 👀 smut delivered as per popular request. as always, thanks so much for your support - let me know what you want to see next!

The morning passes in a blur. 

Tara is glued to your side throughout, scouring the hallways and the backs of classrooms like Ghostface might pop out at any second. 

In a combination of her morning vigilance and lack of sleep, her eyes are red and watery by lunchtime. 

You sit together in the cafeteria, her head resting against your shoulder, her eyes drooping slightly. Her food is left untouched. 

“What’s wrong with her?” Liv asks as she settles down into the seat opposite you. 

You press a protective hand to the top of Tara’s head, thread your fingers through her dark hair. 

“She didn’t sleep well, that’s all.” You say.

“I wouldn’t sleep well either if my girlfriend was being hunted by Ghostface,” Chad says without thinking, his mouth full. 

Liv smacks him. If Tara hears his comment, she doesn’t react, just nestles in a little closer, determined to use your shoulder as a pillow. 

“Why don’t we go home?” You say, rubbing her back, “My parents will be out, they’ll never know we skipped.”

“No.” Tara says, sleepy voice roused suddenly, “Us home alone in the middle of the day? That’s the perfect time for Ghostface to attack.” 

“It is.” Mindy agrees, scooting into the spot next to Chad, “Although, I wouldn’t get too comfortable here, either.” She gestures behind her, “Ghostface attacked Sidney Prescott in the middle of the day in that bathroom like twenty-something years ago.” 

You glare as Tara sits up, suddenly wide awake. 

“Can you not say things like that?” You hiss, “She’s already freaked out enough.” 

“She should be.” Mindy says, “And so should you. This isn’t the time to get comfortable. We need to figure out who Ghostface is and what they want with you.” 

“I know who it is,” Tara says, “It’s Richie, my sister’s freak of a boyfriend.” 

“We don’t know that,” You say. You glare at Mindy, a little. Now she’d set Tara off there was no hearing the end of it. 

Mindy ignores you, her interest piqued. 

“Tell me more about him.” 

“He’s a deadbeat,” Tara says, a little too enthusiastically, “Went to college but he works at a bowling alley. Plays video-games all day in his tighty-whities.”

Mindy scrunches her nose, “A little too much information, Tara.” 

“None of this started until he moved in with us,” Tara insists. 

“What about motive?” Mindy asks, eyebrows scrunched like she’s trying to solve a particularly difficult math problem. 

“I’ve not exactly been the most… welcoming host,” Tara says with a shrug, “Maybe he’s got thin skin.” 

This is a pointless exercise. You know the motive, and so does Tara. Mindy is quite literally taking a stab in the dark. You touch Tara’s face, just under her tired eyes. 

“We’ll call the Sheriff after school. See if Richie’s story about driving to the restaurant is true,” You say, hoping it’ll be enough to satiate her, “But can we not rule out other people? It could be anyone, babe.” 

“She’s right,” Mindy says, taking a bite of her salad, “It could be anyone. That’s the only rule in Woodsboro.” 

Tara purses her lips, but she doesn’t argue. Leaning back into you, like she’s just remembered her fatigue. You press your lips to her forehead. 

“If you won’t come home, let’s go to the library.” You press, rubbing the back of her neck, “There’s always tons of people there. You can nap and I’ll keep watch.” 

“We’ll come too,” Chad pipes up, his mouth half full of pizza, “I hate Chemistry anyway. Besides, we’re a team right? That masked coward isn’t taking anymore of us.” 

Mindy and Liv nod in agreement.

It’s an odd sort of setup but it works. 

The librarian isn’t paid enough to care that the five of you should be in class, so you scoot right past her to a small breakout area near the back of the library. 

You take the couch, let Tara stretch out and lay her head in your lap. Chad and Liv sit opposite, Mindy on an armchair, back against the wall so she can keep watch. Tara only agrees to sleep after making the four of you swear black and blue you’ll wake her at the first sign of trouble.

You hand curls around the taser in your pocket, ready to whip it out at any sudden movement. Tara, seemingly secure, falls asleep within minutes. She’s so sweet when she’s sleeping, fingers curled tight around your hand, eyes fluttered shut, her mouth slightly open. You brush her hair out of her eyes, rub her cheek soothingly. 

Liv watches you, catches your eye as you look over at her. 

“I’ve been thinking,” She says, a little slowly, like she’s trying to be careful with her words, “Ghostface is going to keep coming after you, right? He doesn’t often let a victim escape.” 

You stare. 

“Yeah. Thanks for reminding me, Liv.” 

“No,” She shakes her head, like you’re misunderstanding, “What I mean is, we don’t know who he is. And if he’s going to keep coming for you anyway - maybe there’s something we can do to stop him. Unmask him.” 

“You want to trap him?” You ask, chewing your lip. 

Liv nods, enthusiastically. She looks to Chad for his backup. He looks a little hesitant.  

“I don’t know Liv..” 

“Babe. Come on.” Liv insists. She tugs at his hand, “They’re our friends, we can’t just let Ghostface come for them.” 

“We’re not.” Chad says, gesturing around, “Why do you think we’re all in the library watching Tara sleep? For fun?” He raises his voice a little too high. You shush him, press your hand against Tara’s head, trying to muffle the sounds of their voices. She doesn’t move, still deep in her much-needed sleep. 

“It’s not a bad idea,” Mindy says, slowly, “I mean, the biggest advantage he has is that you don’t know who he is. If we can identify him, it’s all over.” 

Liv nods, enthusiastically. 

“We could lure him into a trap. Unmask him. And then you’ll both be safe.” 

You bite your lip. It sounds risky, sure, but no riskier than your situation already is. Liv’s right: Ghostface isn’t likely to stop coming after you. 

“We’ll see what Tara thinks when she wakes up.” You say, rub her back, ever so slightly. 

A little while goes by. Chad and Liv hold hands, quietly chat. Mindy watches the door. You watch Tara, content with the steady sounds of her breathing. 

And then that second coffee you’d had in the morning comes around for payback. 

You look around the library, biting your lip. The last thing you want to do is leave Tara. But you don’t want to wake her either. You’ll leave her with Chad and Mindy, take Liv for security. You’re in the process of trying to shuffle Tara’s head off your lap without waking her when a voice stops you. 

“Don’t even think about it,” Mindy says, not looking up from her phone. 

“Huh?” You say

Mindy shoots you a look. 

“You’re thinking about going off somewhere by yourself. To get food, or to pee. Don’t even think about it.” 

“I wasn’t going to go alone,” You assure, your back up a little, “I was going to ask Liv to come with me.” 

Mindy snorts. 

“My point exactly. And what sort of help do you suppose Liv is going to give you if Ghostface attacks? Other than being a meat shield?”

“Hey!” Liv pipes up. Mindy ignores her. 

“Fine,” You say, “You come with me then.” You press your hand to Tara’s head, “Please. She needs to sleep, I don’t want to wake her.” 

“Absolutely not,” Mindy says, her attention back on her phone, “No offense, but I don’t want to be responsible for you. I’d rather fight Ghostface himself than Tara if something were to go wrong. Besides-” 

She sits up, eyes glinting, “How do you know I’m not Ghostface?” 

“Because if you were Ghostface you would have agreed to go with her,” Tara says, voice groggy as she stirs in your lap. 

You shoot Mindy a look, try to press Tara back down into your lap. 

“Baby,” You soothe her, “It’s okay, go back to sleep.”

She stirs, sitting up in your lap, a yawn on her lips, “It’s fine, I’m up now. Where do you want to go?” 

-

The five of you leave the Library together, reconvening in the girls bathroom. You feel like you’re the President or something, four bodyguards by your side, marching you down the hallways, ready to take on anyone who crosses paths with you. 

Chad and Mindy agree to keep watch outside the door while Tara and Liv accompany you into the bathroom. 

Liv immediately finds the mirror, desperate to apply her lipstick of all things. You could make a snide comment about her gussying herself up for Ghostface but you need to pee far too bad to bother. Tara hovers at the cubicle stall, her hand pressed against the door. 

“You okay, babe?” She asks, for the fourth time since you’d sat down, “I don’t hear anything.” 

You didn’t anticipate how difficult it would be to go under these conditions. Half of you wishes she’d waited outside. 

“I’m fine, Tara,” You assure, “Can you back up a bit? I don’t want you to hear me pee.” 

“Oh, I totally get that,” You hear Liv’s voice from the mirror, “There’s nothing romantic about hearing your significant other pee. I don’t even let Chad fart in front of me. If he needs to, he has to go outside.” 

Tara huffs. You squint your eyes, trying to force it. Leaving Liv and Tara in an enclosed space is suddenly less appealing than Tara hearing you pee.  

“I’ll run the facet, babe.” Tara says, stepping away. 

Then, you hear the door open, hear Mindy’s voice. 

“What’s taking so long in here?” She asks, “We’re skipping classes, remember? Not a great look if a teacher catches us roaming the halls.” 

“Since when do you care about not being in class?” Tara asks. 

The door opens again. 

“Chad, this is the girls bathroom.” Liv says, sounding scandalized, “Get out.” 

“No way. I’m not standing out there by myself,” Chad says. He shuts the door behind him, “There’s a psycho running around.”

He pauses. 

“What’s taking so long? Is she pooping?”

“Okay, everybody out.” You declare, loudly, “I can’t pee if you’re all here.” 

They grumble, but file out one by one. Tara doesn't move, you can see her sneakers under the stall door. 

“Babe, you too.” 

She doesn’t want to, you can tell by the way she hesitates. 

“Babe. Please.” 

She relents. 

“All right,” She says, “I’ll be right outside. Use your whistle if you need anything. I’ll be back in a minute.” 

You hear the door close behind her and sigh with relief. 

-

You don’t get attacked mid-pee, perhaps the greatest victory of the day. 

You spend the rest of the afternoon holed up in the library with Tara and her friends, waiting for an attack that never comes. You swear Mindy is a little disappointed when she drives off with Chad and Liv in tow, promising the five of you would come up with a game plan for the Ghostface trap tomorrow in school. 

When you and Tara get home, she’s still a little on edge. 

“Let’s have an early night,” You suggest after your shower, curling her hand around yours as you lead her to your bedroom, “You need to get some sleep.”

But she doesn’t fall asleep, even after promising she would. 

She tosses and turns in your arms, sitting up abruptly at any sudden noise. Her heartbeat wild, erratic. She’s unsettled. She’s scared. Even with the handgun at your side. 

“Baby,” You groan as she sits up again suddenly, leaning over you to double check the gun is loaded, “Please. You need to sleep.” 

“I’m trying,” She says, “I hate this. I feel like he’s going to burst through the window at any moment and if I’m asleep-”

“I’ll be awake,” You finish, pull her back down into you, “And I’ll wake you straight away. Like I promised.” 

“What if you fall asleep?” She asks, chewing her lip. 

“I won’t babe, I promise.” You say. You rub her bare thighs, try to calm her down. 

“You need to relax.” 

You kiss her softly, a thought occurring at the way her hands grip tight on your t-shirt. You tug her a little closer, dip down to squeeze her ass. 

“And I think I know something that will calm you down.” 

She murmurs something inaudible as you lean down to kiss her neck, tightening your grip on her hips. It works like a charm. You feel her physically relax against you, threading her fingers through your hair as you trail your lips over her collarbone. 

You swipe your tongue across her neck, tease her gently with your lips and tongue until she’s sighing, grinding her hips into yours. It isn’t hard to pry her out of her nightshirt, underwear soon to follow. She’s equally concerned with getting you naked, the thrill that shoots through you at her naked body on yours never getting old. 

Then she’s pulling away, a dangerous look in her eyes. 

“You know what would relax me?” She says, eyes sparkling, “If you let me do that thing I’ve been wanting to do.” 

That thing involves Tara sticking her strap-on somewhere it definitely didn’t belong. Your stomach flips at the thought. 

“Nice try.” You say, press a kiss to her lips, “You know the deal. You can do it to me if I can do it to you. You first.” 

She pouts, cups your sex with her hand. 

“Not even a finger?” She says, voice coy. 

You shake your head. 

“What about my tongue?”

You consider it. 

It turns you on, the fact that she wants it so badly. You’ll let her have it eventually, you’d let her do almost anything to you. But you want her to earn it. You want to make it all the more special when she finally gets it. 

“Tongue is fine. Outside only.” 

She leans down and kisses you, eyes filling with excitement. 

“Yes, Ma’am.” She murmurs before she’s slipping down your body to pull your thighs over her shoulders, looking like a kid in a candy store. 

Her lips are hot against your inner thighs, hands gripping around your thighs as she pulls you closer to her. She works you up just right, nipping and licking and sucking at your thighs, pressing warm kisses to the inside of your knees. You moan under her as her lips find your folds, lapping leisurely at the syrup that is the fruits of her labor. 

“Baby,” You groan as she diverts back to your thighs, “Don’t tease.” 

She’s a sucker for you, you know by the way she relents within moments. Her tongue runs over your clit gently, then down to lap at your entrance. You gasp. Her fingers tighten around your thighs as she moves back up and takes your clit between her lips, sucking hard. 

You writhe underneath her, embarrassingly close to cumming before she’s trailing her lips down, disappointment flooding through you as she releases your clit. 

And then you feel her tongue there. 

You can help the low groan that slips out of your mouth. 

It feels dirty, taboo. Exciting. 

It feels different.

She trails her tongue around the rim, then she’s lapping at your asshole like there’s no tomorrow. Her fingers slip inside your pussy, she curls her fingers upwards creating the strangest and most pleasant sensation. 

You sigh, grip your own breasts in your hands as she works her magic, tilting just to the edge - so close. 

And then stops. 

You almost cry out of frustration. 

She kisses her way back up your stomach to your mouth, slipping her fingers out. They’re sticky, warm against your hips as she squeezes you. 

And then you feel her drop them down lower. Fingertips skirting gently against your asshole. 

The look in her eyes is animalistic. 

“Let me put them in,” She almost begs, her voice desperate, needy, “Please baby, I want your ass so bad. I just want to be inside you.” 

You reach down for her hand, redirect her fingers and slip them knuckle deep inside your pussy. 

“There,” You say, cheeky smile on your face, “Now you’re inside me.”

“I hate you,” She mumbles, but kisses you all the same, curls her fingers only slightly. You gasp, tilt your hips up to meet her fingers. 

It only takes a few hard thrusts before you’re groaning, tightening around her fingers. Eyes closed, body thrumming as your orgasm overtakes you. She kisses you through it, holds you tight as you come down. 

When your heartbeat has slowed, she’s still pressing kisses to your chest. You feel her against your thigh, sticky and wet. Desire floods through you once again. 

“Come up here,” You murmur, tilting her hips up to you. 

She gets the message quickly, skirts up your body until her thighs are either side of your head. You grip her hips, pull her down to meet your mouth. She’s wet, so wet, you don’t even need to tease her. 

You wrap your hands around her thighs, wanting to be encompassed by her. Lips finding her wet heat immediately. You lick her folds once, clean her up a little before trailing your tongue to her entrance, letting her tight pussy encompass your tongue. She rides you a little, before you lick your way up to her clit and lovingly work her into an orgasm. 

Her smell, her taste is perfect. You could do this forever. Have her sit upon your face and make her moan and gasp the way she is right now. She’s given up all pretense of trying to hold herself upright, her full weight atop you. Your fingernails dig into the milky skin of her thighs, trying to keep her in place as you suck her. In only minutes, she’s groaning, rewarding your efforts with an orgasm and a fresh wave of cum drizzling into your open mouth. 

You’re a little disappointed when she climbs off you, slumping down to curl into your body. Sweat on her forehead, sticky, keeping her dark hair welded to it. You kiss her head. Murmur that you love her against her sticky skin. 

And then silence falls over the two of you, just enjoying each other’s post-coital company. All thought of Ghostface gone, just you and her, the way it should be. 

And then her phone starts to buzz. 

She reaches out, silences it. Presses her lips to your mouth, a little sleepy. 

“You think you’ll be able to sleep?” You ask, pressing another kiss to her forehead. She’s a little limp in your arms. You’ve worn her out. 

“I think so.” She says. She closes her eyes, rests her head against your shoulder. 

“Who is that?” You ask as her phone buzzes again. 

She reaches out for it, Sam’s name across the screen. 

She rejects the call, puts the phone back to the nightstand. 

“Babe,” You chide, “It could be important.” 

“It’s her telling me I need to come home,” Tara says, “She’s been calling all day.” 

“Answer it.” You kiss her, reach for her phone and drop it back into your hands, “I’m going to the bathroom.” 

“I’ll come with you.” She says, immediately, but you shake your head, reaching out for your shirt and pulling it over your head. 

“You know I can’t go when you’re there.” You say, kiss her once before you’re climbing off the bed.

“Take your whistle.” She says, and you roll your eyes, tugging it around your neck. You show it to her. 

“There. Got the whistle. Happy?”

“Ecstatic.” She says, deadpanned as she lifts her phone to her ear, “Don’t be long or I’m going to come looking for you.” 

You slip out of the bedroom, trail down the dark hall to the bathroom. Your Dad is asleep, you can hear his snoring through the walls. You flip on the bathroom light.

And then you feel it. Something’s wrong. It comes over you all at once. The hallway is empty - you checked - and you don’t hear anything. Nothing out of the ordinary. But you feel it. It seizes through your chest, instinctual. You raise your hands to the whistle, grip it between your fingertips, ready to blow it. Your heartbeat hammers. You tilt your head, all your senses coming alive. Trying to figure out if something is truly wrong or if you’re just imagining it. 

You don’t like it. You leave the bathroom, scurry back down the hallway to your bedroom. To your safety. To Tara. 

And then just as you’re about to press your hand to the doorknob, strong around grip around you, pulling you close. A hand over your mouth. The figure tugs you back down the hallway.  

You cry out, eyes wide, but the hand over your lips muffles the sound. Your Dad’s snoring doesn’t relent. 

“Stop struggling.” 

You recognize the voice immediately. It’s Richie. His breath is hot against your ear, sour, laced with booze. You cry out again, eyes bulging. Desperate for Tara, your Dad, your mom, anyone. But no one hears a sound. His grip on you is too tight. 

“I’m not going to hurt you. We’re going downstairs. Outside. So we can talk.” He drags you like you're a ragdoll. Rough. Impatient. Tears flood down your cheeks. You struggle hard against him but it’s no use. He’s too strong. 

“Stop it,” He hisses, arms strong, keeping you in place, “We can’t talk like this. We can’t talk if you scream.”

Next part

[sqquidzz]

"As Long as I'm Here, No One Can Hurt You."

Sanemi x Child!Reader (PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP)

Summary: Sanemi had found you while he was on a mission chasing a demon, covered in the blood of your own family and crying in your house all alone. He decided to "adopt" you and give you a new home.

Tags: Fluff, slight gore in backstory, Sanemi is a good parent, trauma, PTSD, slight mentions of past abuse, soft Sanemi, protective Sanemi, Y/N reminds Sanemi of Genya, loss of parents, adopting, some sadness, swearing, insults (but Sanemi doesn't really mean it) etc.

A/N: Hello readers! I'm so sorry to those following me that I haven't posted as often as I probably should, I just got writers block and lost all my motivation and I forgot to post something for you guys. I hope this will make up for it. I have not written fluff yet, so I'm hoping you guys will have some improvements for me if there are any. And also, thank you to those who are following me, I really appreciate it! About the story now, PLEASE do NOT read this as a sexual relationship, this is only a PLATONIC relationship. But anyways, enjoy!

"Get back here, you brat!"

Sanemi was currently chasing you around the house. After a long year of going on missions, Sanemi finally had a break day. Of course, meaning that he could spend that day taking care of you. And coming back to the scene before us, Sanemi swerves around tables and chairs, trying to get you to get back into your room. Oh, I almost forgot to mention, you were also wearing no clothes.

"Nanana Boo Boo!" you giggle as he dives to catch you, but you jump out of the way, blowing a raspberry at his face, snickering as you run away once again and hide, leaving Sanemi wheezing on the floor from chasing you around.

"You better get back into your room you piece of shit, or else I'll kill you!" Sanemi barks as he rises from the floor, getting up and dusting his pants before searching for you.

"Oi, you better not be fooling around my room you little fuck!" Sanemi yells as he searches your room and comes out empty handed.

However, as he approaches his room, he hears quiet sobs through the closed door. Now Sanemi is getting a little concerned.

"Y/N...?" he calls out gently as he opens the door, the door creaking slightly. He ends up finding you on the opposite side of his bed, curled up into a ball, face in your knees as you cry silently, sobs racking your small frame.

"Hey buddy... what's wrong?" Sanemi asks quietly as he reaches out to you with his hand. But immediately after his hand makes contact with your back, you flinch away, head shooting out of your knees as you look wildly around you as if your afraid the world is hunting you.

"Whoa, I'm not gonna hurt you, see?" Sanemi whispers and holds his hands out.

You slightly calm down at the gesture, but your expression is still wary, still feeling like Sanemi was tricking you.

"You wanna tell me why your crying?" Sanemi asks gently as he attempts to hold your hand again. This time, you don't flinch back, sniffling quietly as you stop crying.

"I- I got scared," you whisper out, "I knew you wouldn't hurt me.... but I couldn't help thinking about what they did to me."

Now Sanemi was confused. Who were you talking about? Who did what to you?

"What do you mean, pumpkin?" Sanemi asks. He always used pet names with you, sometimes they would be insulting, but most of the times, he would call you buddy, pumpkin, things like that that made you feel like he really cared.

"M-my parents used to do things to me," you sniffle, "They always said that it was for the best and I believed them for a while. But what they did hurt so much." You burry your face into your knees again, shoulders shaking from newly sprung tears.

Now Sanemi understood.

He had found you as a baby after your parents had been slaughtered in your house. He decided to take you in himself since he didn't want you to end up being an orphan forever or getting adopted by a bad family (bless his kind heart 😭)

However, he had never thought to ask about your past. He just assumed that you had grown up with a normal family that loved and cared for you. Oh how he was wrong.

"Y-your parents...?" Sanemi whispers as you continue to sob out of fear and grief that your parents had in fact abused you and had neglected your well-being entirely.

By now Sanemi was shaking with fury, but not at you. He was shocked. How could someone hurt someone so kind and joyful? How could they rob you of your happiness?

Sanemi took a deep breath. Now is not the time to get violent.

Instead of asking any further about your past, Sanemi simply wraps his arms around you in firm but loving embrace and you bury your head into his shoulder, letting out all of the tears that you held in for so long.

"It's okay Y/N. You safe with me. As long as I'm here, no one can hurt you," he coos, rubbing your back to sooth you and calm you.

After a few minutes, you calm down, finally running out of tears to shed and you fall asleep in Sanemi's warm embrace.

He smiles down at you, and as he gazes at you, a memory pops into his head

---

"Nemi! Nemi!"

"W-what is it?" Sanemi asks, rubbing his eyes, clearing his vision to reveal Genya.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" Genya asks nervously, "I had a nightmare and I'm really scared."

Sanemi blinks for a moment, then smiles softly and throws his blanket to the side.

"C'mere," Sanemi sighs, and Genya immediately jumps into his embrace, burying his face into his chest. "Don't worry Genya, as long as I'm hear, no one can hurt you.' (sound familiar?)

---

A tear runs down Sanemi's cheek.

He hadn't realized until now how much you reminded him of Genya when he was younger. Cheerful, determined, kind. And especially the fact that you love to sleep. (pointer to those manga readers out there)

Sanemi picks you up in his arms, tucking you into bed and watches as you snuggle the blankets closer, savoring their warmth.

He slowly climbs into bed next to you as to not wake you up, and holding you close, he too, falls fast asleep.

[inbarfink]

Among the various readings and interpretations of What the Hell is Up With the Ending to the DHMIS Web Show - one of the more interesting ones (from my perspective, at leas) has always been that it’s all a metaphor for repeating patterns of trauma and/or abuse. 

As in, most of the narrative of the DHMIS Webshow has been some sort of surrealist metaphor for Roy being an overcontrolling and manipulative parental figure for his son and his friends

And then the ending shows them finally escaping his influence -

Only that without a frame of reference for just how screwed-up their upbringing really was and without any healthy way to process their various traumas, they end up being in danger of just replicating his abuse on their own. Either on each other or maybe on the color-swapped characters who can, like, represent their own children or something. 

And so the vague ending of the Webshow is an open question, yes, the trio might’ve gotten physically away from Roy’s influence - but are they free from it mentally?

Or are they doomed to snap back into their old familiar world?

And the interesting thing about this is that like… that could be what the Web Show is about on a metaphorical level. But in the TV Show, with its greater emphasis on interpersonal conflicts and the characters - the idea of our main trio unknowingly replicating the abuse they live under is not just something we can hypothetically ruminate on. It’s something we can actually see, something we can actually feel.

Like, the first thing that made me think of Yellow and Red’s interactions with Stain Edwards.

This is basically the closest the Three of Them can get to being parental figures within the confines of the Format. He starts out as such a sweet and curious child-like being, his title for himself is literally ‘the Forever Boy’. And, well…

Red and Yellow are just so uncomfortable with his curiosity and thirst for adventure that they basically immediately try and stomp it right out. And that’s like a whole big thing about DHMIS, isn’t it? The way that children’s edutainment and the education system actually curbs children's curiosity and desire for learning so they can better memorize easily-digestible simplified concepts and Respect Their Authority Figures. 

You know, it’s the whole thing with…

And that’s kinda how Red acts with Stain? He’s a lot less violent and more subdued about it - but he also discourages the little guy from asking questions and wanting to explore the world. 

And he is trying to push him into fitting more into the Format. And, like, managing his life like the Trio’s own life is managed by the Format. First more generally into what being part of the DHMIS main trio is supposed to mean (‘just sit here and something will happen’) and then eventually literally turning him into something he didn’t want to be. 

And from our more familiar perspective, it’s clear that Red Guy really just genuinely thinks at this point that sitting passively and Waiting to Be Taught At is how things are Supposed to Be and can’t really imagine things going any other way. He is honestly just trying to get Stain to understand how their life is supposed to work. (Well until it starts becoming about making a new Duck) 

And it’s also clear to us how much Red Guy is motivated by just unaddressed grief about Duck and wanting to avoid conflict with Yellow Guy, who's a lot more explictly lashing out at Stain in his grief

"What's the matter with him?" "Nothing. Just don't look at him." "What? Where can I look? I can't look at him, can't look over there..." "No, if, if you want to look at stuff, just tell me and I-I'll make a list. Of where you should or should not look..." "Seems like a weird system..." "Yeah, well, you seem like a weird little...thing with...and you don't even... the other guy at least had his own clothes"

But looking at it from Stain’s perspective, taking aside our understanding of Red’s character and motivation. This is just an authority figure giving him a nonsense set of rules and then lashing out at him when he questions it. Never giving a deeper explanation than ‘this is how it’s supposed to be’ and basically punishing his curiosity.

Kinda like, well, how the Teachers tend to interact with the trio.

And then there’s Yellow Guy who’s just totally lashing out at Stain through the whole thing, because, again, he can’t process the grief of losing Duck. Because his environment did not give him the tools to properly process that trauma and he has no healthy frame of reference to grief and that’s kinda...

Yeah, that’s just what I was talking about. Stain’s subplot in ‘Death’ is just Yellow and Red having not interrogated their abusive environment and not really dealing with their trauma and thus repeating the patterns of the Teachers on their new child-like figure.

Which then culminates with either Duck killing Stain in the name of preserving the status-quo of the format (“there’s only supposed to be three of us”) or with Stain having internalized so much of what Yellow and Red (but mainly Red) taught him about what he’s supposed to be that he was willing to kill in the name of the Format - and then slotted in perfectly in the unadventurous, unquestioning role of Duck.

And this lil narrative is especially interesting if you believe any variance of the David Theory. Because Yellow and Red were mainly motivated in their mistreatment of Stain by their Grief about a ‘dead’ family member. Which could mirror Lesley's trapping and mistreatment of the trio and her own motivations. 

But I think this idea of mirroring and repeating patterns of abuse are reflected in more than just this one episode. It’s also reflected in the way Red and Duck tend to mistreat Yellow.

Because while Yellow doesn’t slot as neatly into the Child position like Stain did- his simplistic naïveté does mean he often plays a Child-like role in our favorite Forced Family dynamic. And the way that Duck and Red can often condescend to him can… very well mirror the condescending way the teachers address all three of them.

Especially when you also consider the similar manner both the Teachers and Red + Duck react to Yellow being fully charged in ‘Electricity’. They are all so nervous about Yellow breaking away from his supposed ‘role’ as the Stupid One. 

And they especially all seem so very insecure about the idea that Yellow might be smarter than they are.

And that’s, you know, also an aspect of children’s education that tends to actually harm children and their curiosity. This desire for ‘respect’ towards authority figures and this egotistical need for teachers and parents to always be smarter than their kids - causing them to subtly or bluntly punish children for just being clever or inquisitive. 

It’s, you know “I’m the adult, you are the child. I am supposed to be the Smart and Knowledgeable one and you are the one who must be taught. And you need to play your role!”

Again, that seems to be the whole thing in ‘Time’.

Here it’s a lot more subtle and less openly hostile, but Yellow can tell that just like that Insurance Teacher,  Red and Duck’s egos have also been hurt by the fact that they might not be smarter than Yellow Guy anymore. And he considers going back to the role he’s ‘supposed to be’, even though being fully-charged seems to feel better for him (‘this doesn’t feel wrong’), just for them. 

That’s almost literally a child giving up on a pursuit of knowledge just to placate his parental figures. 

And then, you know, his refusal to do so and his assertion of his own ability to make decisions for himself (his own maturity, "they're not in charge of us anymore" "Maybe they never were") is directly what leads to him ascending and disassembling not just the trio’s dynamic but the very structure of the Format. 

And I think, it’s not just that Red and Duck’s treatment of Yellow mirrors the way the teachers treat the Three of Them - it might be a result of it as well. With how condescending the teachers are towards them in general, bullying Yellow is their way to assert some sort of maturity and intelligence for themselves. It's super-fucked up, but this is how they internalized expressing what ‘intelligence’ is supposed to look like. And they have no frame of reference for a way of feeling smart or in control that doesn’t involve shutting someone else down. Because that's what literally every authority figure does for them all the time.

Now, do I think that means that our trio is doomed to mirror those patterns? That they will always inevitability repeat the horrors they go through on each other and others? Well, just like with every ‘cycle of abuse’, it can always be broken. But it will take some actual understanding and self-awareness and personal healing from the trio. 

And without this, they’re not just trapped within the Horrors physically, but also spiritually as well. Without it, no matter if they do manage to run away, on some level, their journey will always end up back at home....

[lovelybrooke]

Life Before (Platonic Yandere Ellie and Joel x reader)

A/N: So, I recently hit 100 followers so thank you very much! Also, I'm slowly running out of ideas for Platonic Yandere The Last of Us, so if any of you have any ideas, please feel free to share. Likes and Relogs are appreciated, please enjoy.

You could barely remember life before Ellie and Joel. You didn't know you parents; you don't even remember their names. Sometimes, when you're alone, you try to conjure them up in the depths of your mind, but they never come to you, always just out of reach. So, you choose to make up your own parents. An idealistic version of them is much better than accepting that they were probably killed or worse, turned into clickers. In your head, they were soldiers fighting for the safety of others, and one day they would come back and wrap you up in their warm arms, shieling you from all that was bad in the world. They never came though, instead, your life went on a different path.

You knew Tess before you knew Joel, only seeing him in glimpses when he was around their shared apartment. You met her when she helped from some FEDRA officers when you were caught stealing rations. While she thought you were annoying, she took pity on you. Since there were no parents to take care of you, Tess allowed you to stay with them, as long as you followed their rules and helped steal stuff for them on occasion. Tess was not a mother, she was cold, and calculating, and she valued her and Joel's safety above everything else, even you own life.

Joel was an enigma. You never talked to him, and when he talked to you, it was to give direct orders like "go there", "do this", "don't do that." He didn't understand why Tess kept you around, seeing you as some random kid that they now have to take care of. He would much prefer if you were out of his hair. He respected Tess and her decisions though, and if she though they should keep you around, then his opinion didn't matter.

Joel didn't start to warm up to you until one random day. Tess was out of the apartment, meaning he was home alone with you. He didn't completely mind, you were quiet, and small, almost sickly, were you eating? That didn't matter. What did mater is that you were sitting at the table, silently mouthing out the words to an old, torn up children's book. Your hair was covering your eyes, blocking your face slightly, making you appear ragged. When he walked closer, he could see that you were struggling to pronounce the words, currently trying to sound out the word 'congratulations.'

"Do you want help?" He asked quietly. You looked up, your big eyes peering into his soul, causing his breath to catch in his throat. You shook your head quickly, looking back down at the book.

Joel watched as you continued to struggle. Why didn't you want help? Were you scared of him? Why should he care if you did? He shook his head and sat down at the table next to you, the chair scrapping across the floor as he dragged it closer to you, causing you to jump up in surprise. You watch as Joel points towards the word, sounding it out.

"Con-grat-ul-ations." He said slowly while pointing to word as he accentuated the syllables. You back at the word and then at him, trying to confirm him motives. He motioned for you to try, taping the finger that was pointed at the word.

"Congratulations." You mumbled; your words slightly jumbled due to the unfamiliar sounds. He gave you a small smile, your eyes lighting up at the expression, pushing you to finish the rest of the book. Spurred on by Joel's help, you began reading everything out loud, correcting yourself when you pronounced a word incorrectly. Joel could help but feel warm, watching this small child feel so incredibly happy at something so simple made him feel a joy he hasn't felt in a long time. The day went on and together, you both spent the rest of the night reading until Tess came back.

Ever since then, you and Joel's relationship blossomed. He liked being your teacher, and you liked that the apartment was slowly starting to feel more like home. Every once in a while, Joel and Tess would argue about you. Tess was baffled by how much Joel was affected by you. On one hand, Joel was dark, rigid, unaffected by cruel world around him. When he got home though, he would help you make dinner and read boring books to you like you were his fucking kid. Joel always denied it though, saying you could disappear tomorrow, and he wouldn't care. If Tess was to offer to take you away, Joel would always defend you, however, which just further proved Tess's point.

However, those fights didn't last long and for a short while, you were happy.

That was until Tess and Joel took a job that involved transporting a girl to Colorado. You didn't think you were going with them at first, but when Joel handed you a bag filled with clothes and provisions, you suddenly were traveling along with them. You were taken from your home, or what you had of a home, and forced to travel with a girl you didn't know, a man you barely knew, and a woman who couldn't care less about you.

Your time traveling with them was less ideal. Even though you and Tess were not on the best of terms, it was terrifying to see her die, and Joel did not do much to comfort you. That was up to Ellie. You and her bonded over the very traumatic events you went through. She would listen to you when you were struggling, when you wanted all this to be over, when you wanted to go home, and the best is that she could relate to you.

Even though, it still hurt to see her and Joel get along so quickly. Ellie was just so easy to like. She was funny, quick witted, and able to hold her own in a fight, something you were unable to do. It was mostly due to the fact that Joel didn't let you near a gun, claiming it was a liability, but also because you were small and weak due to your time living off of the scraps of the Boston QZ. You would try to help them when things went south, but it would always cause more problems.

Your inability to do anything right haunted you. You questioned why Joel brought you along and why he hasn't just left you. And when you saw Joel and Ellie joking around and working as a team without you, you felt like they would be better off without you. And so, you decided to leave. You packed up everything you could and left them both at the break of dawn, before either of them was awake.

You don't remember how far you made it, but it was far enough for a full day to pass before Joel and Ellie found you. They were frazzled, filled to the brim with worry. The moment Joel saw you he enveloped you in a hug so tight that they world around you was completely blocked out by him. Ellie was wiping her eyes, quickly engulfing you once Joel let you go.

"Why did you leave?" Joel was crouched down next to you, his piercing gaze keeping you trapped in place. His large hands held your face steady, forcing you to look at him. His faces was filled with worry and his eyes were darting all over your body, looking for any injurie.

Too overwhelmed, you couldn't answer his questions. When tears started escaping your eyes, Joel wrapped you up in another hug. It was warm, and suddenly you were reminded of the fantasy of your parents. You grabbed onto Joel's shirt, leaning in as close as you could, and continued to sob.

"I'm sorry," You cried.

"It's fine. You're okay." Joel breathed, calming you down. "Just don't leave again."

After that, Joel and Ellie never left you alone, claiming they needed to keep you safe. It worried you how protective they were for you. It was one thing for Ellie to protect you in fights, it's another thing for Joel to bash the head in of raiders who dared to even threaten you. You couldn't blame them though, they've both been through a lot, so it makes sense that they would want to keep the people around them safe, right?

To them though, it was more complex than that. Joel refused to lose anyone else. When he woke up that one day and you were no were to be seen, he was reliving his last moments with Sarah all over again. He quickly woke up Ellie, interrogating her about your whereabouts and when she knew nothing, he was getting everything ready to start looking for you. Ellie was confused and scared, assuming you were taken by someone. She was reminded of Riley, and he just completely switched to autopilot. Everything was about finding you, and she wouldn't stop looking until she did. Once they found you, they promised to never leave you alone again.

Ever sense then, you've always been with them. You traveled all the way to Wyoming with them, where they were able to live their dream of being a family with you. They both knew you went through a lot, and they want to make sure you never have to suffer again, and if it means doing everything they possibly can to keep you from leaving, then so be it.

A/N: I was half asleep when reading this, so I'm sorry for the quality.

[kelseytheballerina]

Heyy so Starting by being straight up and admitting that envy is an ugly habit I have. I see people who grew up with money living their best life and I get hurt and mad because I'm working my ass off just trying to get by, or I see an attractive woman and feel like crap. Its something I'm recognizing as a problem and I want to stop. I saw a post where you said something about being inspired and motivated by women who are better off/more successful/prettier/etc instead of comparing and getting jealous. How do you actually put that into practice and acheive that mindset?

totally, so basically I would just look at it as inspiration and proof of an outcome. a lot of our desires can be based on theory. the possibility of having this or going there or excelling in this way. but we don’t technically know if we could pull it off or if it’s ever been done before with a specific set of conditions, so our goals and desires are just a theory. for example, maybe you desire to be a mom-model-actress-ceo under 25 and you see a woman literally become just that. I wouldn’t be like “grrrr how dare she have what I want” I would be happy that I now have proof that what I want is in the realm of possibility and there is a path that has been laid out should I choose to use hers as a blueprint. people will likely be more accepting of me doing the same thing since there’s already been someone who has come before me and been successful. plus, now you could have a potential peer who becomes a potential friend when you are in the same circle. when it comes to beauty, there’s so many girls out there being unapologetically into beauty care so now people won’t be weirded out when I start showing up with nails and hair and cute clothes because they have helped break down the taboo. so it’s more of an appreciation for them trailblazing a path or showing time and time again that something is possible and here’s what it looks like for a 35 year old and a 60 year old and a 19 year old and a white American and a black American and a Nigerian Brit and so on and so forth. it’s inspirational data.

it’s like, I now know I’m not crazy and my aspirations are attainable at least to a degree (factoring in variables like where you’re born and parents you’re born to, etc) so all I have to do is stay on track and I’ll be there too some day. when I’m studying over and over and wondering if this is even real and then I see a classmate got an A, I feel better knowing that I’m not screaming into the void and that the outcome I seek is actually a reality. I no longer feel like I’m rowing in open water of uncharted territory. this land has been conquered before and that’s great! so maybe I won’t get skin exactly like hers but I’ll get close. maybe I won’t get her salary at the same age she did but even if I have to work an extra 5 years I’ll be glad I was inspired by her to keep going. maybe you didn’t consider the possibility of having certain things until you saw that woman with it and now your mindset has been expanded to have more out of life.

I feel like when you’re envious, there’s a part of you deep down that will secretly wish for someone’s downfall, even if you’re friends with them because it’s a “me vs you and there can only be one” mentality. which means you’ll be likely to think everyone else is secretly out to get you too or the world is conspiring against you when it’s nothing of the sort. but when you have an “I’m happy for you and patiently waiting my turn” mentality, you’re more likely to see the blessings happening to you in action, you’re more likely to be a positive person around such women and they’d more likely want to be around you and help you come up with them rather than feeling some sort of repressed hater energy.

I always just remember that none of us are on the same timeline and not everyone peaks at the same age. some are late bloomers, some have more barriers in the way, but that just means you will end up being someone else’s inspiration one day when they find interest in your variables and outcome. let your journey be what it will be and keep your mind open to the wisdom you’re collecting along the way. if it took you 3 years to clear your skin up, you’ll have waaaay more insight on the topic than someone who’s only ever experienced the occasional breakout and let’s say you wanted to turn that into a skincare YouTube channel or something, you’d have more success than someone with nothing to say. what I mean by that is, sometimes the ones with the long journeys that feel unfavorable in the moment end up blooming into an unforeseen opportunity in the future.

envy is never worth it. it just makes the journey more miserable than it needs to be and pushes people away.