#and I'm old enough and have a personality that goes beyond my sexuality enough to not give a shit

[widgenstain]

How DARE women to be openly attracted to a gay man!? Terrible, absolutely terrible, didn't you know that any kind of attraction must immediately cease once you hear that you're incompatible with that person's sexuality? That's why gay men never EVER lust after straight men, how could they! And if the gay man encourages the female lusting by, say, recording something that's specifically targeted at them, it must mean he's in debt/pressured into it and not that he wanted to do it and maybe thinks it's fun, nevermind easy money. No, the terrible women are at fault, they are all homophobic and must be ridiculed!

[thewriteadviceforwriters]

Hii,

I am writing a story with a female lead. She is going to go through a self discovery arc in which she explores her sexuality. I want to jump back and forth in timeline to when she’s a teenager and doesn’t realize she is queer (and in love with her best friend) but i am having a hard time figuring out how to show she is queer without telling (bc it’s from her pov). Any advice or thoughts?

Showing Queer Identity: Tips for Writing Self-Discovery Arcs

Hey there, fellow writer! 💖✨

First off, I want to say how awesome it is that you're tackling such an important and nuanced topic in your story. Self-discovery arcs, especially those involving sexuality, can be incredibly powerful and relatable for so many readers. It's fantastic that you're putting thought into how to present this journey authentically!

Now, let me dive into the meat of your question: how to show your character's queerness without explicitly telling, especially when she doesn't yet realize it herself. This is a challenge many writers face, and I'm excited to share some thoughts and techniques that might help you navigate this delicate balance.

Showing vs. Telling in Sexuality Representation

The age-old writing advice of "show, don't tell" becomes particularly crucial when dealing with a character's sexuality, especially in a coming-of-age or self-discovery narrative. It's about creating a tapestry of moments, feelings, and interactions that hint at the character's true nature without spelling it out for the reader (or the character herself).

(I have an entire post on Prose Tips with Show, Don't Tell. And another one where Telling Is Better Used Instead of Showing)

Here are some ways you can subtly show your character's queerness:

Physical Reactions: Pay attention to how your character's body responds to her best friend or other girls. Does her heart race? Do her palms get sweaty? Does she blush or feel a flutter in her stomach? These physical reactions can be powerful indicators of attraction, even if the character doesn't recognize them as such.

Lingering Gazes: Describe how your character looks at her best friend or other girls. Does she notice small details about them? Does her gaze linger on lips, hands, or other features? This can be a subtle way to show attraction.

Comparisons and Contrasts: Have your character compare her feelings for her best friend to her feelings for boys. She might notice that she feels more comfortable, excited, or "herself" around her friend than with male love interests.

Dreams and Daydreams: Use your character's subconscious to hint at her true feelings. She might have dreams about her best friend that leave her feeling confused or flustered upon waking.

Jealousy: Show your character feeling inexplicably upset when her best friend spends time with others, especially potential romantic interests.

Admiration vs. Attraction: Your character might think she's just admiring other girls' appearances or personalities, not realizing it's actually attraction.

Discomfort with Heteronormative Expectations: Show her feeling uncomfortable or out of place in typical heterosexual dating scenarios or discussions about boys.

Intense Emotional Connections: Highlight the depth of her emotional bond with her best friend, showing how it goes beyond typical friendship.

Personal Thoughts and Advice

As someone who's written queer characters and explored sexuality in my own work, I can't stress enough how important it is to approach this topic with sensitivity and authenticity. It's not just about representing sexuality; it's about capturing the complex emotions, confusion, and eventual self-realization that come with discovering one's identity.

One technique I've found particularly effective is to focus on the emotional journey rather than the physical aspects of sexuality. Especially for a young character who hasn't yet realized she's queer, the emphasis should be on her feelings, her confusions, and her gradual understanding of herself.

Remember, sexuality is a spectrum, and coming out to oneself is often a process, not a sudden realization. Your character might go through phases of denial, curiosity, experimentation, and finally acceptance. Each of these stages provides rich opportunities for character development and storytelling.

Unique Tips for Showing Sexuality in Writing

Use Metaphors and Symbolism: Incorporate imagery that subtly reflects your character's emerging sexuality. For example, use blooming flowers or changing seasons to mirror her personal growth.

Contrast with Heterosexual Experiences: If your character dates boys, show how these experiences feel different (and perhaps less fulfilling) compared to her interactions with girls.

Pop Culture References: Have your character relate strongly to queer characters in movies or books without fully understanding why.

Physical Proximity: Describe how your character seeks out physical closeness with her best friend - sitting close together, finding excuses to touch, etc.

Internal Monologue: Use your character's thoughts to show her confusion. She might question why she feels so strongly about her friend or why she's not interested in boys like her other friends are.

Microexpressions: Describe tiny facial expressions or body language cues that betray your character's true feelings, even if she's not aware of them.

Avoidance Behavior: Show your character avoiding situations that might force her to confront her sexuality, like setting up her friend with boys or talking about crushes.

Mirror Scenes: Create parallel scenes in different timelines to show how your character's understanding of herself has evolved.

Navigating the Timeline Jumps

Your idea of jumping back and forth in the timeline is brilliant for this kind of story. It allows you to contrast your character's oblivious teenage self with her more self-aware adult version. Here are some tips for making the most of this structure:

Echoes and Parallels: Create situations in the past that echo or parallel events in the present, highlighting how your character's understanding has changed.

Dramatic Irony: Use the reader's knowledge of the character's future to create tension and poignancy in the past scenes.

Evolving Language: Show how the language your character uses to describe her feelings changes over time, reflecting her growing self-awareness.

Physical Changes: Use descriptions of physical changes (hairstyles, fashion choices, etc.) to quickly orientate the reader in different time periods.

Pivotal Moments: Identify key moments in your character's journey and use these as anchors for your timeline jumps.

The Importance of Authenticity

When writing about sexuality, especially from a perspective different from your own, research and sensitivity are crucial. Consider reaching out to LGBTQ+ organizations or individuals who are willing to share their experiences. Reading coming out stories and queer literature can also provide valuable insights.

Remember, every person's journey with their sexuality is unique. While there are common experiences, avoid falling into stereotypes or oversimplification. Your character's story should feel genuine and personal.

Balancing Subtlety and Clarity

One of the biggest challenges in showing rather than telling sexuality is finding the right balance between subtlety and clarity. You want to drop enough hints for the reader to pick up on, but not so many that it becomes obvious to everyone except your character.

A good rule of thumb is to make the signs clear enough that a queer reader or someone familiar with the coming out experience would pick up on them, but subtle enough that someone without that perspective might miss them – much like how your character is missing them herself.

The Power of Supporting Characters

Don't forget the role that supporting characters can play in showing your main character's sexuality. Friends, family members, or even strangers might notice things about your character that she doesn't see in herself. Their reactions, comments, or questions can be powerful tools for indicating to the reader what's going on, even if the main character remains oblivious.

Addressing Internalized Homophobia

Depending on your character's background and the setting of your story, you might want to explore themes of internalized homophobia. This can manifest as your character actively pushing away thoughts or feelings that don't align with heteronormative expectations. Showing this internal struggle can add depth to your character's journey and make her eventual self-discovery even more powerful.

The Journey of Self-Discovery

Remember that realizing one's sexuality is often a gradual process. Your character might have moments of almost-realization followed by retreat into denial. These back-and-forth moments can create tension and keep the reader engaged in your character's journey.

As your character grows and changes, you can show her becoming more comfortable with herself in subtle ways – perhaps she becomes more confident, more authentic in her interactions, or more willing to stand up for herself and others.

——————————————————————————————————

Writing about sexuality, especially from the perspective of a character who hasn't yet realized their own identity, is a delicate but rewarding challenge.

Remember, the key is to weave these elements naturally into your narrative. Don't force it – let your character's experiences and emotions guide the story. Trust your readers to pick up on the subtle cues you're laying down.

I hope these ideas and tips help you in crafting your story. Remember, every writer's approach is different, and what works for one story might not work for another. Trust your instincts, stay true to your character, and don't be afraid to revise and refine as you go.

Writing about sexuality and self-discovery is not just about representation – it's about creating stories that can help readers understand themselves and others better. Your story has the potential to be a light for someone struggling with their own identity, or a window for others to understand experiences different from their own.

As you write, keep in mind the impact your words might have. Approach the topic with sensitivity, respect, and an open heart. Your character's journey of self-discovery is a beautiful and important story to tell.

Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Writing about sexuality, especially in a coming-of-age context, can be challenging but incredibly rewarding. Here are some final thoughts to keep in mind as you work on your story:

Authenticity is Key: Stay true to your character's voice and experiences. Even if you're writing from a perspective different from your own, strive for authenticity in emotions and reactions.

Embrace Complexity: Sexuality is complex and often fluid. Don't be afraid to show the messy, confusing aspects of your character's journey.

Avoid Stereotypes: While some common experiences exist in the queer community, try to avoid relying on stereotypes. Make your character unique and three-dimensional.

Consider Intersectionality: Your character's sexuality doesn't exist in a vacuum. Consider how it intersects with other aspects of her identity, such as race, class, or religion.

Show Growth: As your character becomes more aware of her sexuality, show how this knowledge impacts other areas of her life and relationships.

Be Patient: Writing about such personal topics can be emotionally demanding. Be patient with yourself and take breaks when needed.

Seek Feedback: If possible, get feedback from sensitivity readers or members of the LGBTQ+ community to ensure your portrayal is respectful and accurate.

Remember, your story has the power to touch lives, open minds, and maybe even help someone on their own journey of self-discovery. It's a beautiful responsibility, and I'm excited for you to embark on this writing adventure!

Keep writing, keep exploring, and most importantly, keep being true to your characters and your story. You've got this! 💖🌈✨

If you have any more questions or need further advice as you write, don't hesitate to reach out.

Happy writing!📝🎉- Rin T.

Before you go, why not join us at The Write Right Society? We're a supportive Tumblr community where writers lift each other up. Whether you're a newbie or a pro, we'd love to have you! Share your work, get feedback, and connect with fellow wordsmiths, writers and aspiring authors. 

[kaythejay]

Sometimes I forget just how privileged my life is as a queer person. I mean, I live in the US. It is completely legal here. When my partner and I decide to tie the knot, we will be able to do so. Though I am old enough to remember when that became legal, so I'm not in any deniability about the fact that I know it can be taken away (especially knowing that Roe v. Wade has already been taken away and they will certainly do the same to Hodges v. Obergefell if given the chance). But regardless, I do not have to worry about going to jail or getting killed because of my sexuality.

I have a lot of family that supports me. My partner's entire family has been absolutely wonderful in accepting me into their family. I mean, her mom has already started calling me her daughter-in-law, and we're still several years out from that being true (mostly for financial reasons/I'm still in school because I changed my major and added time to my degree). My grandma is always asking about my partner because she absolutely adores her. The reason I don't really talk to my parents has nothing to do with the fact that I'm gay (they like my partner more than they like me). They don't care about the gay thing, there's just a lot of other stuff that happened while I was growing up (before I even knew what gay was) that makes it hard to talk to them.

I'm growing up in an era where queer pride is becoming more and more mainstream. I know a lot of young kids whose parents have gone out of their way to teach them about queerness and that it is ok. There's one kid that I knew that was even taught things beyond the "basics" (he knows what pansexual means for example). Rainbow capitalism is proof that the world is shifting. I can walk into Target right now and get myself a bold (though, admittedly probably ugly) pride outfit. When I was little, that just was not a thing.

I get to see the shift in how controversy is handled with celebrities. For example, the whole thing with JoJo Siwa at the moment is all about her as a person, not the fact that she kissed a girl in her latest music video. When I was little, if you were gay, you had to hide it or be ridiculed for that reason.

And honestly, in my day-to-day, I really don't have to think about it that much. I mean, if I'm out in public with my partner I still have to think about if we're in a safe space if I wanted to like. Hold her hand or anything because we do live in a red state, so we're not 100% safe from being harassed. However, I don't have to think that much about it otherwise.

I mean I will once I'm a teacher (and my partner who has just gotten her teaching license has already talked to me a lot about that). I have a friend who is teaching in a district that simply putting a poster up that has a rainbow on it (even if it has nothing to do with pride) is enough to get yourself put under fire. She got into trouble for introducing herself with her pronouns (and she's a cis, straight woman, no queer shenanigans going on there).

J talks to me a lot about the fact that she feels bad that she can't about me in a professional environment like a straight couple could. She assures me that it is not because she doesn't want to. But honestly I have to remind her that like. I avoid the topic probably even more than she does. I haven't been out for nearly as long as she has, so I haven't gotten as comfortable with people knowing that stuff as she has. She's also talked to her mom about it, but her mom doesn't fully understand that it is a safety thing. J's mom's response is almost always "I don't really talk about my husband much either." She kind of struggles to understand the point of "but you could if you wanted to without repercussions." Whereas if me or J tells the wrong person that we have a lady partner, we've immediately put ourself (and possibly the other) in danger. Sometimes I forget just how deep the danger goes.

But then things happen.

People in our dorm have put notes on our door (because we were ✨roommates✨) that were less than kind. We had to get our RA and RLC involved, but they couldn't do anything since there aren't cameras in our building. But boy did my RLC want to (she's also a queer lady, freaking awesome, Imma miss her when I'm over RA-ing in a different building). And I'll be honest with you. Even in our dorm, we were super, super careful about how we presented ourselves because we knew it wasn't safe. And still, someone with ill intentions somehow found out about us.

Someone crawls into your Tumblr inbox to call your slurs and tell you that you're faking for attention and that you'll never understand what it really means to be gay. Only for them to disappear when you turn the anonymity off.

Someone yelled "faggots" at us out of a car window while we were all decked out heading to lunch after the pride parade.

And I know, I know I'm incredibly lucky that that is the extent of the harassment that I've faced because of my sexuality.

But honestly it just goes to show just how important pride, and pride month as a whole, still is to this day.

For me, pride is a huge celebration of who I am as a whole person. It is the one time of year when I can take the mask off completely and just feel free to be me, knowing that I'm safe from judgement. Like my partner was saying the other day, I don't really realize just how much of myself that I sanitize for the majority's consumption until I'm at a pride event and am no longer doing any of that. There's certain ways that I would carry myself/dress/etc if I didn't have to worry about the people around me saying or worse doing something to me just because they pick up on my queerness.

Pride events are a chance to be around a very large group of other queer people. It is a chance to show people who are important to me a massive aspect of my life in a way that isn't sanitized for public consumption. It's a place where we get to be freaks and weirdos and not have to worry about getting looks. Because honestly for as weird as you might look, there's someone not all that far away that looks even weirder and it is so freaking cool to get to see.

But pride is so much more than that. They're also an "in your face" of the people who hate us. It is a show that we are not going to back down and stop being who we are as people just because people don't approve of our "lifestyle." It is the community banding together to welcome everyone who is accepting and protect people from those who aren't. It is a place for "baby gays" to find that it is ok to be be queer and find their place in the world.

I hope you all have a happy pride month, whether you are celebrating out and proud, or hidden in the closet.

[asphaltvalkyrie]

I had an extremely slow day at work today, so I chose to look busy by writing about BG3. Someone smarter than me has probably had this revelation before, but it gave me pause enough for me to feel like I need to share it.

I decided to romance Gale in my 2nd playthrough, with the intent of letting him get ahold of the Crown of Karsus, and its making me Feel Things.  I like this walking apocalypse of a wizard a lot (he and Karlach are my easy faves,) but its taken romancing him to really see that

tl;dr Gale's backstory really makes a handy allegory for gifted kid burnout.

From the beginning he was special, a golden child, someone who would do great things and go far. So, he ended up building his entire personality on that eventuality.  Older authority figures took a special interest in his talent and he immediately wanted nothing more than to please them, at the cost of making friends or learning life skills (well, except cooking apparently?) 

(Then there's the whole issue of him developing a sexual relationship with Mystra who was without a doubt considerably older than he was and had that "but he's so mature for his age," mindset and all the fuckery that comes with that holy shit I can't even begin to desconstruct how much that would fuck someone up.)

Then he makes a mistake. He breaks a rule he didn't know existed. Why doesn't he know that rule existed?  Because no one told him.  They conflated his intelligence with maturity and his self-confidence with knowing his own limits. They forgot that he's basically a kid compared to them. (Elminster is what, centuries old?  And Mystra is a fucking deity.) He lacks the emotional maturity to understand why what he did was so bad. 

Gifted kids know.  Among the absolute worst thing an adult can say to you is "I expected more of you," or "you should have known better." Which is pretty much what Elminster and Mystra said to him. And then they not only withdrew their attentions and support, but they also refused  to help him deal with the orb - an omnipresent physical and spiritual reminder of his trangression. After that... he just has no idea what to do with himself. He sits in his wizard tower until the Mind Flayers get him.

By the time the others find him, he's realized that the talent he used to get by on no longer serves him, but since he built his whole personality around it, he doesn't know how else to act.  So he maintains the bluff and bluster of a child prodigy, but he's now keenly aware of how pointless it is. He seems insufferably arrogant at times, but there's a razor-fine edge of self-loathing to that arrogance that he couches in self-aware humor. Over the course of his short time with the party he starts to feel like he's cared for and among friends, and even proves himself an attentive, affectionate and very grateful partner if you romance him.

Then Elminster shows up and tells him to atone for what he did by suicide bombing the Elder Brain. Bam, there goes his hope of finding a life outside of that "greatness" others told him he was destined for.  Once a gifted kid always a gifted kid.  Destined to be a human sacrifice on the altar of someone else's expectations, for good or ill. 

And in a semi-related note, when you take him through the Dryad's trial, the answer to the question "whats his biggest flaw" is that "he thinks the world would be better off with him dead" and he says that its very true, but he didn't realize it until you said it.

Then you find the Annals of Karsus, and what does he say he wants to do with it? Reforge the Crown of Karsus with it so that he can obtain godlike power and make the world better for mortals, and he wants to share it with you.  With how smart he is, he really should know thats a terrible idea. But he doesn't, because of a combination of hubris and naivete.  He learned absolutely zero lessons from the orb debacle because he hasn't really been allowed to learn any lessons beyond "I just have to do the thing I'm good at, only I have to try harder this time."

I'm only on the second netherstone, but I have a feeling that this is going to end very badly.

[djwaglmuffin]

NOW HIRING: Colorist/Background Artist

Hello, DJW here:

I am actively seeking a COLORIST/BACJGROUND ARTIST for my webcomic 'Descendant'.

More info UTC.

You must have the following:

A good, fundamental grasp on color theory and the elements of design. Anyone who is also demonstratively improving their basics are also welcome to apply. Good grasp on lighting is also preferred, please.

MUST have a stomach for horror/Lovecraftian designs/mild gore/mild sexual content.

You MUST NOT be adverse to coloring People of Color, LGBTQ+ characters, (This is a very diverse story) as well as the problems they faced in the time period. This story can be very sticky but I do NOT want to traumatize a community for the sake of the story. These various -isms won't be tolerated.

You probably should enjoy some form of "Old Western"-style media: saloons, wagons, horses; etc. etc.

You should also probably enjoy occult stories: vampires, angels, demons, etc. etc.

You must be respectful of my story and how it progresses and have faith that I have control over my narrative.

This will be (hopefully be) a partnership so please do not apply if you don't want to commit to a serious comic endeavor. I've been working on this story for over 20 years.

You MAY build and/or use 3-D models but AI Generated content will NOT be tolerated whatsoever.

Even better if you're a Black or Native American artist so YOU can crack the whip if I'm not representing POC correctly or enough.

You MUST be okay with a 50/50 payment split, meaning: I ALWAYS PAY FELLOW ARTIST HALF UP FRONT AND HALF WHEN THE WORK IS DONE. (<---EVERYONE should be doing this. That way you still get paid for the work you did, and your payee doesn't lose out on hard work.)

MUST be willing to enter into a non-disclosure agreement, as well as a theft-protection agreement meaning: I will absolutely pursue legal action if, for some reason, we part ways and I find out you're using my characters or story ideas in your own works.

MUST have Clip Studio Paint or a program that allows you to work with the CSP files. Clip studio has a STUDIO option where I can add you, and you can open the pages from a cloud service, which really cool once I figure out how to set it all up.

Currently, I am offering $100/page (in reality, it's more like 1 or 2 panels, but we can discuss that later) in webtoon format (vertical form comics). You will not be required to draw much beyond backgrounds and only on select panels to be discussed with me as they come into play. I will specify through conversations what I'm looking for. I am not looking to micro-manage anyone, either. I will let you have your creative freedom, as long as it falls in line with the theme. <--this will be discussed during the planning phases of each chapter.

I will have a tryout period beginning on September 7th where I will pass along something that I drew, and you will color it to demonstrate your skills. I am paying $50 per person (up to 4).

For the work I'm doing: I will be writing, sketching, inking, lettering, paneling...pretty much everything but backgrounds and color.

I am open to different coloring styles, as long as we agree on an inking style and stick to it. I am pushing hard for quality but I understand I am not paying much right now. As time goes on, if this turns out well, I fully intend on upping that payout more and eventually setting up a Patreon which I will be using to pay YOU as well as my editor, and any beta readers I may need before posting. (you can also be that beta reader if you'd like; get that money, baby!)

Also, if this goes well, I am very open to also helping YOU create your own comics, especially on any downtime on my own, FREE OF CHARGE!!

And, if this goes SUPER-DUPER well, I've got a really great idea for a companion project to go along with this story.

If you are interested, please send me a DM on Tumblr, Instagram, or Deviantart along with a little blurb about yourself and a few examples of your best work:

https://www.instagram.com/djwaglmuffin/

Thanks in advance for the interest and I hope to see people apply!

PS: If y'all could reblog and share this on various places to drum up interest, that'd sure be swell.

Here, have a sticker!

[moonmoonthecrabking]

i'm not active in the heartstopper fandom but i just heard the news about how kit connor was forced to come out and i am absolutely disappointed and disgusted.

i'm assuming that the people reading this post agree with me that a person cannot queerbait. queerbaiting, to my knowledge, is a media corporation promising queer representation (often manifested as a kiss and/or relationship, possibly a coming out scene) by leaving hints but never delivering. for example, bbc sherlock and supernatural were classic cases of queerbaiting, building up pairings to be something but one never coming to fruition and the other immediately giving into bury your gays in the third to last episode.

a person cannot queerbait. some people claim that taylor swift queerbaits, at worst she is participating in some erasure of queer history (eg the colour lavender), but she is not promising anyone of her sexuality, currently presenting as straight. kit connor playing a bisexual character was not queerbaiting. people play characters with a different sexuality to their own all the time (i do it in my daily life). if we, as the council of the queers, claim that straight people cannot play gay characters, or are queerbaiting us if they do so, then we are implying that we can only play roles matching to our own identities.

i am aware that there is erasure present in the media, but i believe that sexuality is an aspect of a character that does not have to be mirrored by the actor. the truth from the story ought to come from the writing and production rooms, sure, or by doing thorough research and hiring sensitivity readers.

kit connor is 18. he should not be harassed for any reason, no one should, and especially not for his sexuality. there are so many reasons someone may not be out. coming out is a journey that can only be defined by the person taking it, as we learnt from heartstopper.

heartstopper and nick's journey is deeply personal to me. that doesn't change based on the sexuality of the actor. i am 17. i am bi. i came out to some of my closest friends while watching heartstopper. they are some of the only people i am out to.

i think that some people, the "chronically online 13 year olds", if you will, don't understand that it is not safe for everyone to be out of the closet, for a variety of reasons. accepting your own sexuality may not be as easy as "oh i want to fuck that person of the same gender as me, turns out i'm queer" and dropping it in conversation to your family. for some people, it's like that, and i'm thankful for them that it is. but there are many reasons someone may not want to come out. they may not be safe to come out in their home. they may fear being ostracised for religious or political reasons, but still desire to be part of that pre-existing community. they may lose their jobs. they may lose relationships. i am a practising christian, in a christian family. they overreacted enough when i joined my school's queer group "as an ally" (which i thought was true at the time), promising that, if i were gay, there would be a far longer conversation. that terrifies me. but i'd like to create sapphic art one day. does my refusal to come out beyond a screen invalidate that?

we don't know what kit connor's conditions were. we don't know what he risked in coming out. we don't know what jobs he may lose, what relationships he may lose, what communities he may lose. it is none of our business. no one owes you their sexuality, regardless of their public position or their relationship to you. my heart goes out to kit connor as he traverses this, and i truly hope he has a strong support system.

[wahrhelt]

THE TRUTH THEOREM

RP blog for Reshiram (including gijinka form), written by Necro.

Necro | it/its pronouns only | 25+

Read the fucking pages pweaseeee

Mun | Muse

Rules underneath.

Blog is a wip as of now.

Absolutely no ooc drama. Unless someone actively abuses other people or writes illegal content, I do not want to hear it.

This also goes for proship/anti ship talk. I simply do not care. So long as every muse involved is legal and able to consent, as well as human intelligence and the ability to communicate consent, it's fine to me.

Please do not softblock me. Always hard block me. If you softblock me, I will likely think tumblr made a mistake and refollow. I'd rather not force my way into spaces where I'm not wanted.

I do not send in passwords.

I will not follow back if I'm not interested or see too much ooc drama on your blog.

This blog is a hobby. Roleplay is a hobby. I'm not here to have every flaw of mine scrutinized. I will be liberal with the block button if I feel the need to.

I will generally send a reminder if we have a thread going if you haven't replied in two days or longer. If you want to drop a thread, please just tell me. I will not be mad. I just want to know, otherwise the anxiety will drive me insane.

Let me know if you need anything specific tagged. - Triggers are otherwise tagged as #Trigger/ - Please tag trypophobia, eye gore, mouth gore, and pregnancy for me.

Shipping is only done via chemistry. One sided insta crushes on your muses end are permitted, but don't force a ship on me.

I will not interact if I cannot see our muses interact for a longer period of time.

Blog will contain a LOT OF CRACK sometimes. It's the best way for me to cope with heavier thread topics. If you don't like that, you can blacklist the #Crack.; tag.

I'm too old for dumb fights over who's right and who isn't. Don't come into my inbox expecting to change my mind on drama. It will only get you blocked. - This goes both ways. I myself don't engage in pros.hip and never will, but I tolerate them on my blog so long as what they write isn't fucking illegal. But should any pros.hip person try to force their disposition on me, they will also be blocked. - If you don't like that, leave. The door exists. It's called the un/follow button.

Once again, with feeling this time: This is a hobby. Not a moral or ideological crusade.

I'm an abuse survivor, stalking survivor, grooming and child sexual harassment survivor. If you even so much as fucking dare to insinuate that I support any of that shit because I don't give a fuck if someone is pros.hip in my vague vicinity, you will get the block and never return button.

I cannot believe how many of these rules have to be about pros.hip and antis.hip, but apparently this is the world we live in now.

I know these rules sound really harsh and aggro, but I really want to make sure people understand where I stand. I've dealt with enough trauma from this website and its bullshittery, please don't make me relive it.

I promise beyond that I am a very kind and patient person. It just fucking sucks I have to be so aggressive about enforcing my rules because we can't have nice things on this hellsite.

I will never be mad if you block or unfollow me because something I write makes you uncomfortable, but if you need to talk to me about literally anything oocly (and it doesn't violate an abovementioned rule), you can always DM me. I don't bite and just want to be friends and write.

I have several mental health problems, please be patient with me.

If I like and unlike your post several times, it's not me trying to force your attention. It's me having to follow an OCD impulse. I apologize in advance.

[strange-spaghetti]

It is the Grossiest f*cking thing having to be neutral & agreeable with a horny loser teacher. My screenwriting teacher has been getting under my skin by how personal he is about his interest in sex & talking about his lack of sex life then going on about hot actresses & star wars & other nerd culture sh*t. Yes, sexuality is prevalent in art but that is like the biggest thing he talks about & yesterday he went into this long self-satisfied rant on r*pe & vaginal imagery in the movie alien & got so f*cking triggered i left. Then this motherf*cker asks with a smirk if I'm okay. & I had just collected myself for 20 minutes & event vented to some poor student in the hallway because I was shaking so bad but of course I was going to say yeah, yeah & sweep it under the rug instead of going off on him. This dude was talking about octopuses too & I knew exactly what he was getting at, sick bastard. I got so nauseous & he was talking about galactic c*m which is a huge disturbance for me. Aliens & sex is f*cking disturbing you star wars creep. It's bad enough human men can feel foreign & violating like an alien but the actual imagery of aliens doing that is beyond disturbing.

Also, the class room is mostly 20 year old boys with disabilities & one of the kids has openly said sexual things & always tries to interact with me. He doesn't sit by me but yesterday he took the girls seat who Always sits by me. These are fixed seats & this gross kid sits next to me & the this loser dork teacher goes on a horny rant about alien r*pe. Awesome!

[fourohfourlifenotfound]

RPF History: DNP vs DNF

I'm someone who has existed at the generational divide in fanfiction communities. I'm old enough to have started on ff.net and young enough to see fic recs for my Fandom on tiktok. Today I'd like to rant about how much RPF has changed in the last decade or so.

For those who don't know, RPF stands for real person fiction. Famously one direction falls into this category. I'm going to be comparing the two rpf fandoms I've existed in: Dan & Phil and Dream SMP.

Dan and Phil's peak on the internet fell into place with the first generation of youtubers. This generation went from nobodies making videos in their bedrooms to celebrities in an age where fame came from money or more traditional media. The difference between YouTube and traditional media was the focus on relatability. These were normal people, just like their audience. And as a result, a lot of boundaries got crossed.

Specifically in the case of Dan and Phil, there was a lot of shipping. Two nonmasculine emo guys living together for many years? Yeah, a lot of people had suspicions about their sexualities and relationship status. This isn't uncommon today: everyone looked at Dream and George in 2020 and thought the exact same thing, despite them living an ocean apart (this is likely a hallmark of the pandemic: the idea of love existing through screens and despite physical barriers).

The difference was that Fandom back then didn't know how to interact with creators. There were no norms for boundaries. This went far above and beyond awkward questions. People zoomed in, took screenshots and did analysis of everything. If one mentioned buying a fan to use on his bedside table while he slept and it was spotted in the background of a visitor's vlog in another room, then people flipped out. And there were things even worse than this deep cut analysis... if you were in this fandom, you might remember the fallout from the vday video. It was the wild west out there, and it hurt a ton of creators.

Dan and Phil also existed on the internet during a revolution in the fanfiction world: people stopped being afraid of legal consequences for writing fanfic. As a result, fandoms got louder and prouder about their fanworks. It became a lot easier to find. Dan and Phil, who have openly mentioned being on tumblr frequently, ran into it easily.

If you watch enough of their content, you can see Dan and Phil struggling to navigate their position as the subjects of one of the biggest rpf ships of the time. I distinctly remember Dan brushing off shippers at some points and then joking in a video about not caring if you wrote smut about him and Phil so long as you got his favorite Pokémon right. As time goes on, you see less vlogs as they learn to keep more of their privacy.

This fan-creator relationship now looks wildly different, from both ends.

You see creators learning from their predacessors to keep more of their privacy early on. Ranboo and Dream and Corpse are prime examples for not revealing their real names or their faces.

You also see fandoms respecting the boundaries of their creators far more. I can google the name of any dsmp member followed by "boundaries" and get a complete up-to-date list of everything that they are comfortable with their fans doing, from shipping to smut to art to names to pronouns. I've seen Ranboo fans being supportive of him keeping his privacy and not pressing for a face reveal after he expressed his discomfort; in fact, I've seen people weirded out at the idea of knowing what part of his face looks like because they're more used the idea of him keeping his privacy.

But despite all of this, I would say that rpf subjects haven't distanced themselves from shipping and fanfic; they've embraced it and gotten closer to their fans.

Heatwaves was historic in that it was the first fanfiction to go truly mainstream. It caused the popularity of its titular song to skyrocket and it got recognized by every content creator in that space. The author was uncomfortable with the ccs finding it initially, and rightfully so given the past boundary crossing of fandoms and reactions from creators. But they did find it, they made an account to read it, and they were okay with it.

Wilbur Soot is the first instance I've seen of a writer with a work that has an established fan base posting original content for that work to a fanfiction website.

And this week, Dream called himself a "toxic shipper" in a tweet. About shipping himself with his friends. This is very new for the world of rpf.

New Fandom: I want you to understand what it used to be like, where we came from. The norm used to be really bad for both creators and fans. I want you to think of this and keep improving upon what's been built.

Old Fandom: I want you to see how far new Fandom has come. They may not understand how to properly tag things or keep content where it's supposed to go, but they've made leaps and bounds in terms of establishing a fandom-creator relationship.

[retphienix]

I suppose this is a moment of truth of sorts.

As some random blogger who doesn't push any following, I'm growing exhausted both dancing around the subject of- and confronting the truth of the taboo relationships in the game, I won't lie.

Because I want to shout about disliking it, but what payoff is there to that shoutin' beyond skeeving myself out at emphasizing a part of this story I dislike?

So here's lip service: I'm not under the impression that what's along these paths is somehow the most dis-tasteful stuff possible. I never really suspected that much, and having sat down to watch Takemi and Kawakami's romance highlights (mostly just K's ferris wheel and both their bedroom talks) it's very clearly "trying" to be wholesome.

It's just that that doesn't agree with me, be it my own social bias or the concepts of grooming / what makes a healthy relationship that I've built for myself from those influencing forces around me.

At the end of the day, things like Kawakami's ferris wheel scene are so bog standard that you could interchange any characters and it'd play the same, it's more or less "I've never shown someone this part of myself, I love you, oh you love me too? I'm happy!" with sprinkled references to past events or quirks (like she slips and almost calls you master yet again).

It's, in itself, not the worst out there. But, for me, that doesn't really matter. It doesn't have to be the worst because I am still stuck looking at a 17 year old kid falling into a relationship with someone who has twice his life experience- half of which as an adult.

Like really that's it, and because it's so simple and there's no budging from my views on relationships, it's exhausting.

This kid relies on adults to survive, goes to school, and is still figuring out their childhood life before they can begin fully forming as an adult. This is a kid.

See what I mean by this topic's exhausting? It's just one point really with all the annoyance of societal standards vs personal ones and all that jazz.

Age gets less important the older the younger of the two people gets, IE if Joker was 30 then I don't give a fuck if he's dating skeletor that's two adults being two adults because he'd have acquired enough maturity and life experience to make those decisions by then.

17 ain't it, chief. I'm glad the scenes aren't like make-out sessions or alluding to adult content even as a joke- but it's still off-putting to see it presented as all hearts and flowers because a grown ass adult can date the child.

Ah well. As I said- I'm just a blogger rambling about games, ain't no influence or impact behind this beyond the potential to vent my own frustrations, and I'd say that has outstayed it's welcome as it's just exhausting to talk about now. So let's talk about THIS scene instead- a much happier topic I promise-

I was curious if the base Kawakami story would be tainted by the romance path, and beyond the "Please god stop putting this in here for the player's benefit- this is a child" moments earlier in her story, it's been pretty nice tbh.

The only negative I can potentially say is the very clear attempt to imply something raunchy through her rank 10 perk- I have yet to use the massage (obviously, posting this after just unlocking it) and a massage isn't inherently sexual- but there's no denying it was a decision made by the devs to tie up this social link of innuendos with yet another.

All told- I really really like Kawakami :)

Enough to the point where I could forgive the fanservice angles of some earlier dialogue because I like her character and the story's resolution.

It's still tainted by the same muck the other adult women have via the adult x high schooler romance path, but that wasn't present in my playthrough so it's easier to lampshade at the moment.

I dig her growth as she overcomes an intensely stifling experience; I dig seeing her excited to teach and truly flourishing in the role; I laughed multiple times in this final conversation- like holy shit that was funny to me.

The build up as if she's found us out- only to rant about us slacking off. And then to casually drop "Oh yeah you're a PT I know it." just so nonchalant.

ACE stuff, loved this conversation.

Now if only the devs didn't think it was funny or romantic or alluring or whatever they thought when they dropped like all the adults into these overly saccharine ferris wheel and bedroom scenes where grown ass adults my age tell a kid in high school they love him, that'd be cool, lmao.

[aroclawthornes]

Blooming Brilliant, an Aroace Willow Park Manifesto

[id: a gif of a heart locket opening. One half of the locket displays a picture of Willow Park from The Owl House, winking and making peace signs with her fingers. Blue and yellow stars surround her. The other half reads "willow park my beloved." /end id.]

Greetings! It’s me, User Aroclawthornes, and instead of working on all the time-sensitive homework I have I sat down and wrote an essay explaining why I think Willow Park OwlHouse could plausibly be read as aroace, and why it would be a thematically enriching interpretation. I’ve never written anything like this before, so it’s oddly formal, a little pretentious, and contains a lot of qualifying language, but I'm confident that it gets my point across. I’m not intending to speak over other interpretations of Willow or assert that it's the only true way to read her, but it's a headcanon I find interesting, and I think there’s a lot of evidence to back it up, between certain elements that Willow’s arc employs to some good old overanalysed symbolism. If you're aspec, I hope this is validating; if you're not, I hope it's interesting; if you don't care, scrolling past it is quick, free, and easy.

Some disclaimers on terminology: I’m speaking from an aroace perspective, and so when I say “aspec coding” I’m generally referring to both orientations as a catch-all - a lot of the coding surrounding Willow could go either way. I’m also going to be talking about commonly accepted “aspec” narratives, but I’m aware of the limitations of this insofar as my experiences are only a single facet of the diverse range of aspec people in this world, so anyone who wants to add or argue anything - respectfully - is encouraged to.

Analysis below the cut!

The Thing About Plants

I’m not going to pretend that an association with plants is historically indicative of aspec coding, because, frankly, there haven’t been enough aspec characters to establish it as a convention, and it’s also a fairly wide-reaching branch of symbolism. However, I am going to propose that lighthearted comparisons between asexual people and plants (however misguided on functions of plant reproduction they are) are fairly common elements of budding ace teenage humour, as are related quips about photosynthesis.

[id: a screenshot of Willow from "I Was A Teenage Abomination", depicting her sitting on the ground while casting a spell over a small, pink flower. /end id.]

I’m also not going to claim that the colour green Belongs To Aromantics, and therefore that All Plants Are Belong To Us, but in tandem with everything else I’m about to cover, the connection between Willow and plants seems like a fairly plausible nudge to a relatively common element of aspec humour.

“Half-a-witch” Willow and the Late Bloomer Experience

[id: a screenshot of Willow with glowing green eyes, from "I Was A Teenage Abomination", depicting her summoning a mess of thorned vines. /end id]

Willow is literally nicknamed “half-a-witch”, in reference to her supposedly incomplete state - this is a sentiment eerily reminiscent of the pressure to find one’s “other half”, which affects aspec - especially aromantic - people particularly profoundly. She’s considered a late bloomer, someone who hasn’t reached the societal milestones of growth at the expected age, and who is derided and considered immature as a result of this perceived failure. However, we quickly discover that Willow is, in fact, an exceptionally competent and powerful witch - taken out of the restricting frame of the Abominations track, she’s able to grow into her own, “complete” person, therefore proving that she was never really lacking in anything in the first place. Like real-life aroace people, she was perceived as limited and immature based on the expectations and judgements of other people, but Willow was never deficient in anything, least of all herself.

[id: a screenshot of Willow and Luz from "I Was A Teenage Abomination". They are holding hands - the former is laughing with her eyes closed, and the latter is grinning, while covered in abomination goop. /end id]

As far as symbolism goes...the track Willow is initially put in literally requires her to conjure up another humanoid entity, with the expectation that she will therefore prove herself to be a whole and mature person. Only with this ability, she’s told, will she be successful and happy as an adult. The shapelessness of her attempts at conjuring an abomination reinforces this connection in my mind - if I may reference this quote from Ducktales 2017‘s (absolutely stellar) A Nightmare On Killmotor Hill, in which the protagonists explore their own subconscious fears via. the dream realm, for a second:

“I think that’s supposed to be my romantic interest, but I’m too threatened by the concept, so it never takes shape.”

A lot of young aroace people find themselves in situations where they attempt to convince themself of their interest in someone in an attempt to be “normal,” or end up lying in response to family members or friends’ questions about crushes. While Willow’s abominations, first and foremost, represent the expectations from her school, classmates, and family to be a successful, “complete” witch with a profitable future, I think that with an aroace interpretation of Willow they could also very easily be read as representing some latent insecurities over a lack of attraction, or pressure to find a significant other.

(I’m not condemning Willow’s dads, by the way - they seem like perfectly lovely fellas, and I’m confident that they were doing what they thought was best for her. They’re certainly very quick to drop everything to assure her future in Escaping Expulsion, so obviously they care about their daughter very much.)

Greens, Blues, and Yellows: Colour-Coding Willow Park

A while back, I made this post comparing Willow’s palette to the aromantic and aroace flags:

[id: a screenshot of a post depicting the aromantic and aromantic asexual flags, colour-picked from images of Willow in her Hexside uniform and casual dress respectively - these are overlaid on top of the flags. The caption reads "observations on willow park". /end id.]

The grey-and-green aromantic flag has long been the accepted mainstream symbol of aromanticism, and, as the above post - and many others - demonstrate, Willow’s palette reflects it near-perfectly. This could easily be a coincidence, owing to the palette of the standard Hexside Plant Track uniform, as well as her hair and eye colours - which are obviously supposed to be reflective of her plant-related abilities. However, given how fond of employing hidden meanings The Owl House has shown itself to be, I don’t think it’s far-fetched to claim that there’s at least a chance that her palette was constructed with the flag in mind.

The latter is...a bit more problematic for me, although it’s fun to joke about. The blue-and-yellow aroace flag was only created in December 2018, relatively late into The Owl House’s initial production, and it’s still relatively obscure, although on the rise in popularity as the accepted aroace flag (I only recently started using it myself), so I don’t know if Willow’s casual wear is enough to verify the presence of any deliberate subtext. I think it’s a fun coincidence, however, and (as was pointed out in this post) it’s cool that these blue and yellow stars surrounding Willow occur in the same frame as Luz’s bisexual decor:

[id: a photograph of Luz, Gus, and Willow, all surrounding a disgruntled-looking Principal Bump. Luz has flowers in the colours of the bisexual flag decorating her hair, while Willow is surrounded by bright blue and yellow stars. /end id.]

also seen above: powerful bi/aspec solidarity

Conclusion:

Do I genuinely believe that Willow is being deliberately written this way? If you’d asked me, say, two months ago, I’d have said probably not - as far as queer representation in kids’ cartoons has come, it has a ways to go, and focusing on transgender characters seems like a more obvious (and equally invaluable) route to go down. I can name maybe five explicitly aspec characters off the top of my head, two of whom have been written as alloromantic and/or sexual in adaptations or continuations of the source material (I have...some grievances with 2005 Doctor Who). But the emergence of Raine, an explicitly nonbinary character on Disney Channel, has given me a little spark of hope, and so, even if it’s never confirmed, it’s comforting to be able to see a character with such strong elements of aspec coding and think to myself, just maybe, that there might be some intent behind it.

I also...really want to see interesting things done with Willow. We’re halfway through Season 2, and despite some promising setup for her arc in the Season 1 finale, she’s sort of been left by the wayside lately in favour of developing the more “plot-relevant” characters, such as Luz, Amity, Eda, and Hunter. Frankly, I think it’s a disservice to her Season 1 development, despite how much I adore all the characters I just listed - beyond any personal motivation, the prospect that Willow could be aroace adds a lot of sorely-sought depth to her, and, as detailed, a lot of this has already been set up in her earlier episodes. I just...I think it’d be neat. Rarely do you get a kids’ show so brazenly queer in its themes as Owl House, and aspec people deserve to be included in that.

Willow would also be great aroace representation because, well - those five or so aspec characters I mentioned being aware of are all white or “raceless” (...also written as white, basically), and so an aspec Asian character would be a really lovely step forward in this area. Additionally, all the characters I referred to are also conventionally skinny, and Willow is not only fat, but written in a way that doesn’t treat this feature as a caricature. People who are more knowledgeable on these topics than I are absolutely free to make additions, as is anyone who feels like I’ve left certain details out.

tl;dr: Willow’s association with plants could be read as a cool nod to aspec humour, her “late bloomer” narrative is eerily reminiscent of some common aspec experiences, her palette speaks for itself, and it’d be really cool if we could diversify the so-far fairly bland sphere of aspec representation.

I’m going to conclude this by linking Rose by The Oh Hellos, because they’re my favourite band, they share The Owl House’s initials, and I also think it’s a good Willow song. Peace out.

[uwmadarchives]

T.J. Braxton and “A Closer Look at UW-Madison’s Campus-Wide Diversity Initiatives”

On Monday, April 19th, please join the UW Archives Student Historians as they reflect on their research projects this year: "Black Artists at the UW-Madison" & “A Closer Look at UW-Madison’s Campus-Wide Diversity Initiatives.” Visit go.wisc.edu/archives for more info. Before the event, our social media assistant, Adrian, caught up with the historians to see how their research is going. Interviews were edited for clarity.

T.J. Braxton

My topic focuses on the three, broadest and most extensive diversity programs at the University of Wisconsin Madison, starting with the first one, which happened in 1988 and was called the Madison Plan. Then, Plan 2008 was started in 1999 and finally, starting in 2015, the university implemented the REEL Change Model.

When I first started doing this project, I wanted to study the African American Studies Department, but I found out pretty quickly that it has been researched to death and I wanted to contribute something new. When I was looking in these old boxes, I kept seeing something about Plan 2008. I didn't know what that was, but from what I could tell it was causing a lot of problems within the African American Studies Department and the other ethnic studies programs. So then I started looking into it and found out what it was and I thought, oh, that could be something interesting to think about. I wanted to compare these diversity initiatives to see how far we've really come and to see whether or not the university is changing its tactics or looking at diversity in a different light as time goes on.

At the beginning of my project, I expected that the university would have tried to paint itself in the most positive way possible. I was surprised by how much they're holding themselves accountable, and how they are willing to publish their shortcomings regarding diversity. But it also surprised me how much they're repeating the same language and tactics but expecting different outcomes. I think they need to be more creative with how they approach the subject of diversity. I also think they need to be a little bit more equitable with who they're targeting because they're always talking about different targeted groups, but it usually only comes down to African Americans, American Indians, and Chicano students. I wish they would look beyond race and talk about sexual orientation and things like that because I feel like we need to be as representative of the world as possible before trying to realize this Wisconsin Idea.

The Madison Plan came out amid a bunch of racist incidents at fraternities. A few months before it came out, there was a big blackface scandal. And then a year after it came out, there was another similar thing where a fraternity had a slave auction or something like that. There was an editorial written by a UW professor that said we cannot punish these students because we cannot violate their right to free speech under the First Amendment. It's interesting for me to see this and think if a professor could come out and say that, how does that make students of color feel? Does it make them feel like they're welcome on this campus and that they're valued?

I think the most interesting things I've looked at are newspaper articles from the Daily Cardinal and the Badger Herald from around the times when each plan was released and when students were collaborating with the administration on how these plans will be implemented. Some of the most interesting newspaper articles I found were editorials from students about how they felt the diversity initiatives were going. Honestly, it was very surprising, when the Madison Plan was coming to an end and when Plan 2008 began, how many students thought that there was reverse racism going on. Some students felt that ethnic studies classes were teaching them that America was anti-white and that if we created these spaces and resources for students of color (like the Multicultural Student Center) then white students were in turn being treated unfairly. I think it was just really interesting to see how many students actually thought that and to see the remnants of that today.

To learn more, I reached out to two people, one of who was a chairperson of the steering committee that published Plan 2008. She's a retired professor. I also reached out to the former Chief Diversity Officer of UW who was in charge when the REEL Model was created. I asked if they would be able to talk to me formally or informally and didn’t get a response. Both of them could be too busy or maybe they don't want to talk about it. But it's interesting that I have gotten no response whatsoever.

I think one of the problems with these initiatives is they're all very vague and massive and you don't really know what exactly they're trying to get at or how they envision diversity. Through my project, I'm looking at things that show that diversity goes deeper than numbers and things that can be seen and counted. It's more about creating an environment where students feel they're welcomed and that they can express their culture and themselves. But the university tends to neglect the campus climate side of diversity in these plans compared to tangible things like the number of instructors, students, or administrators of color on campus.

Campus climate is a much more complex idea and it's a lot harder to measure. We have campus climate surveys and diversity forums, but how much of that is for show and how much is actually being done to change things? Ever since the civil rights movement, a lot of prominent higher education institutions have tried to make it seem like racial justice, diversity, and inclusion are top priorities, when in reality that's just not the case. That's the reason why you see lots of faces of color on admission and recruitment catalogs and things like that, just because they want to make it seem like it's so diverse. It's almost like a superficial goal, rather than a profound one.

One thing I’ve found hopeful in my research is that the student body at Wisconsin has become a lot more progressive at least with the diversity initiatives. In Plan 2008, the students were very much involved in trying to push the UW Faculty Senate to focus more on intangible things and to get more money for the Multicultural Student Center, and add another ethnic studies requirement. So it may have helped make the plan more expansive and actually cater to students of color. It made me happy to see that at least. ASM (the Associated Students of Madison) was involved in that too. ASM was very much pushing for a Plan 2008 that was even more progressive than the one that was published sadly.

What I would hope people would gain from my project is a broader understanding of what it's like to be a person of color on campus from an administrative standpoint. Like, how is the administration trying to deal with me and how do they conceptualize my importance on campus? I also hope that they realized that the students and faculty of color are really the central actors in all of this.

At the end of my project, I am planning on thinking about what my suggestions are for addressing diversity on campus from the perspective of a student of color at a predominantly white University. This is my senior year, so I've been here for a while and I’ll just give my suggestions. I'm very proud to be a student here at UW and in no way is my research trying to disparage the experience I had at UW or to say that it wasn't an inclusive enough environment for me as a Black man because it very much was. I'm just saying there's work to be done. There're ways to make it better for everyone because there are people who don't have good experiences. So let's fix those problems.

[cowboyjen68]

hi Jen, I don't know how much you'll be able to help with this, but I'm worried. I'm worried I might be more into girls than I initially thought I was (I identify as bisexual) and that I'm just dating my boyfriend of 3+ years for convenience. but I wouldn't feel everything I feel for him if that was the case, right? there's nothing really driving this concern other than my pining for female intimacy that he can't give me. but at the same time, I would never cheat on him. (1/?)

“I don't want to leave him. I do love him. but I feel like if we never started dating I might have identified as a lesbian somewhere down the line. I'd never cheat on him, he makes me happy, but I don't know how to cope with the feeling that I might be a bad girlfriend for this. it feels wrong to have simple desires that he can't fulfill. even knowing that I have no desire to carry them out unless something were to happen between us. I feel like I'm trying to suppress the wlw part of myself (2/2)”

ANSWER: This might an be controversial or unpopular answer but I want to be truthful and open about this. You are not alone and, in fact, what you feel is not rare for bi women. ( i can’t speak as much about bi men because I don’t know many and those I do know I don’t know well). 

I have many bi women friends and the most commonality they share as far as life experience is, by their mid 20′s they are married (or committed )to men, never dated or had intimacy with a woman and find themselves pondering (and missing) the idea of loving a woman.   Bi women struggle with the same obstacles as lesbians with the bent that they do find men attractive. So... they often assume that what they feel for females is passing, or curiosity at best. Whereas lesbians convince themselves that loving women is just not  a thing or that they must be misunderstanding their feelings, bi women do as well but they have a genuine attraction to men so they move that direction with even less self reflection.

Our society programs us, pretty much from day one, to “find a nice boy”. (to a two year old who hugs her neighbor boy “aww is he your boyfriend?”.)  We learn quickly that our “value” and societal worth revolve around pairing up and getting married, producing a family. Bi women are not immune to this any more than straight women. So, many never even date women. They see the trouble it can cause families, they fear disappointing loved ones and cultural ideals, They focus on their attraction to men. All this being said, it does not mean you love your boyfriend (husband) any less. 

And i do hear the comparison that it should be the same as straight or gay couples who are committed to each other..we see other attractive people but have chosen our one person. But I have observed that IT IS different for bi women.They truly miss or feel a heavy loss at not having experienced intimacy or a connection with a woman. I would argue that the chemistry between two females is diametrically different than that of a male and female. (not better or worse perhaps, but unique to their own dynamic.)

I also don’t believe that bi women are inherently poly, nor do I think they are more likely to cheat on their male companion, nor to i think they “want it both ways”. It is just not that simple. And not a single bi woman I have spoken to are simply wanting a “quicky” with some random woman. They are surely curious about the sexual but the craving for connection with another female on an intimate level goes much deeper. 

My advice. You should consider talking to your boyfriend. DO not just ignore this. In my experience it does not go away and the more you push it away the more hyper focused you can become. It will get to a point where he can feel something is amiss and will become resentful or hurt. You will become resentful towards him because he is unable to fulfill something your heart and body misses on a level that goes beyond sexual curiosity. What you two work out together is between you. 

There are a few ways it can go. He could be understanding and be strong  enough to have a discussion about your feelings and what is best. You might break up, take a break or decide to explore more unconventional options. He might react poorly or with jealousy and demand you to either forget it or break up. It this case, you don’t want to stay with such a man anyway. Or he might be sincerely hurt and upset but want to time, maybe therapy or research. This you can work with as well. 

I can be very honest and say that I know of of 3 bi women who are married or in a committed relationship with men who were able to successfully navigate a solution that involved another women. There  was honest and open discussions and, while the husband often did feel upset, jealous and even angry, he was able to work with his spouse through those feelings. The woman they chose was someone they both had to trust and who there was genuine affection for. Those stories are still in the making.

Two friends of mine did break up, not out of anger or hate, but just knowing that one or both could not handle it differently at that stage. Both of those women are now a committed relationship with other women. 

So to shorten this. What you want goes beyond the “the simple intimacy”, you are not a bad person. Nor a bad girlfriend. IF you think this will be with you long term and could damage a relationship you want to maintain, talk to him. Maybe seek a female therapist to talk things through. If you do decide to talk with him, be aware that just the discussion can be a deal breaker for some people. In any case, what you are going through.. you are not alone by any means. 

[veridium]

Hi! I hope I'm not bothering. I was just wondering if you had any advice for writing tense relationships or like, slow burns too? I'm thinking of writing one but I feel like there's so many standards for a slow burn fic to be considered one and I know you're writing one atm. Thanks in advance!

Hello there, anon! You’re never bothersome! 

This is a lofty and honoring question to have asked considering more than half the time I feel like I’m swimming in an ocean of uncontrollable emotions and lays chips when it comes to writing my pairings, but I will try to do my best to answer your question with the knowledge and tips that have helped me thus far! Be forewarned, I am no sage oracle, and this is simply one writer offering tips to another writer in the hopes of offering a different perspective!

When it comes to your first point on tense relationships, my general principles are as so:

1. Dynamics do not have to be toxic to be challenging or antagonistic. I actually think it is a sign of a more skilled and conscientious writer when rivalries, uneasy allies, and enmities grow into friendships or romances because the characters develop respect, trust, and compassion for each other. Those are incredibly difficult bonds to form out of antagonistic circumstances, more difficult than I think people give them credit for. But I cannot stress this enough: you can write contentious relationships without ever once having to deploy abusive behavior, evil behavior, or non-consensual choices. There is so much more to opposition between characters than breaching someone’s dignity and humanity. 

2. Map out what makes the pairing/relationships tense: do they have alternating opinions on worldly issues? Do they operate differently? Is one impulsive, the other methodical or perhaps passive? Does one judge the other for their past actions and if so, why? Is there an opportunity for conflict that could draw out these subliminal conditions? To put it metaphorically, writing tense dynamics between people is playing with the tactile: what gets snagged on, what gets caught, what sensations are uncomfortable for one character and no big deal to the other? What grades on nerves? What looks, sounds, or feels in an evocative way? You find these sources and you see how you can have them collide within your characters.

3. Conflict is fluid. Arguments are like sponges. Disagreements leave prints and impressions. When you’re building or constructing tension or uneasiness between characters, every encounter leaves something linger. Whether the character is aware of it or not is a different story, and that itself can be an intriguing ordeal! How does a character destabilize the other’s way of seeing the world without them evening knowing it, or until it’s too late to undo? Stuff like that is so human and so interesting to read. 

Now, as for slow burn writing, I have to admit that I am still cutting my teeth myself on it as a tool and I am in no way an authority on it. These are just strategies that have been productive for me and my writing goals, and they may work for you, or may not! That’s okay, we’re all different. But, as a whole, in writing my slow burn I have three main ideas that contribute to my work:

1). I remember that my characters are their own people and they have lessons to learn from life as a whole, not just a relationship to pursue. Writing romance is THRILLING, it is! I love it to pieces, and it never gets old. That being said, for long fics or slow burns where the process from meeting to falling in love may be a bit more winded, you have to take into consideration that your character is a person with complex needs, who will be learning from other aspects of their life and not just the person they’re in love with or infatuated by. Build upon that, and explore what that could mean for them!

2). Slow burn gives you an opportunity to flesh out the path from strangers to lovers in a very detailed way. This can be overwhelming and arduous, I will admit that readily. But, if also gives you room to piece together tiny, meaningful details into a bigger picture: little habits, transgressions, fights, downturns, bonding moments, sneaky trysts, distractions, stress, etc. that all interact with the development of a romantic and/or sexual relationship. Have fun with it, be playful, consider the extraordinary. Think of how your character would react to several stressful scenarios, or how they will grow from their challenges, and go from there!

3). Slow burn hierarchy is not the yardstick you should fall on, bottom line. Slow burn is not a competition, and shouldn’t be one. What matters most is that you are able to freely develop your character’s journey in a holistic way that honors your goals. If that happens in 1,000, or 30,000 words, or even 100,000, is yours to determine. The point of slow burn is not just to “delay” the good stuff, it’s to show the good stuff that is along the way to the ending image. I don’t know about you, but I find it a lot more compelling and worth it to read a romance where the people have been tested, have had to grow, question their beliefs, and learn from each other. 

The thing is too, as an author, you’re probably going to have a love/hate relationship with your slow burn. Most every fic writer I know goes through it, it’s okay, don’t panic. You are a human being and you desire gratification from your work! Slow burn is infamous for the refusal to be satisfying, delaying the climactic moments, being evasive. Don’t let this discourage you: you’re doing something difficult, something amazing. You’re writing a love story! And you’re paying due diligence to the stages in between the meet-cute and the happy ending. You’re doing something amazing! 

Beyond this, there is nothing more I have to offer in terms of advice besides write what you love, and love what you write (you don’t have to like it, haha). I invite my friends to contribute tips or advice on this post in the comments if they so wish! Let’s spread the love and knowledge around, right?

I wish you good luck, anon, and know that your project is worth it!! 

Love and light,

-Veri 

[aikoiya]

I hope you stub your toe on every bit of furniture for the rest of your life. I hope you can never quite find what you need. I hope you find a personality that goes beyond fascism, white supremacy, homophobia and transphobia, and maybe that way you'll find enough people to befriend so that you can realize how dreadful you are. Best of luck! <3

Wow, how very brave of you to "call me out" like this while anonymous.

Also, fascism is defined as "a governmental system led by a dictator having complete power, forcibly suppressing opposition and criticism, regimenting all industry, commerce, etc., and emphasizing an aggressive nationalism and often racism."

This doesn't work because I'm very pro freedom of speech. If anything, cancelling people is a fascist concept. Not to mention the desire for a stronger centralized gonvernment. I want minimal government interference.

White supremacy is defined as "the belief, theory, or doctrine that white people are inherently superior to people from all other racial and ethnic groups, especially Black people, and are therefore rightfully the dominant group in any society."

Again, incorrect because I want everyone to be treated as equals, but from the way the anti white supremist agenda seems to be going, they won't stop until we are the very bottom of the barrel & that goes directly against the idea of equality.

Homophobia is "an aversion or hostility to, disdain for, or fear of gay sexual orientation or gay people."

I hold very little hostility towards gay people as I largely don't care. Sure, I don't agree with their choices in lovers, but so long as they treat me with respect, then I will respect them right back.

And transphobia is "an aversion or hostility to, disdain for, or fear of transgender people."

Same with homophobia, if transpeople treat me with respect & I will treat them with respect.

My problem with trans ideology is the insistence that younger & younger people should be allowed to transition. It'd be one thing if it were 18 & up they were reaching out to, because by that point, you're old enough to make your own decisions. But I've seen leftists mention lowering the age restriction to fucking 3! That, I can't forgive.

I mean, 3 year olds can barely freaking speak!

All I'm saying is, if a child isn't old enough to have sex or drink or drive or be drafted, then they sure as heck aren't old enough to make such a lifechanging decision for themselves.

Quit virtue signalling with your kids!

It's one thing if you decide to choose this lifestyle for yourself, but quit trying to indoctrinate children.

The sharp uptick in transchildren in recent years only further proves that this is a concerted effort on someone's part to castrate our children.

I have no problem with those transpeople who just want to live their lives & be left alone & who genuinely feel that their lives are better for having transitioned. Good on them. It's their life, they can live it however they want so long as they don't harm anyone else, infringe upon another person's rights, or break the law.

It's when people try to encourage children to transition just because the kid either feeling unsure about their gender or because they don't emulate the perfect picture of their sex. That's just being a kid. It's a phase! Kids don't know what they wanna be! Also, years ago, a girl doing boy things was called being a tomboy! That has nothing to do with being trans!

Those who take advantage of children's naivete to further their own agenda are monsters.

I feel like this sudden uptick in transchildren is due to eugenics & population control. After all, if these children get bottom surgery, they'll never be able to have kids unless their parents had the forthought to have their sperm or eggs frozen.

That's a lot of children who'll grow up being unable to pass on their genetics. A lot of people now not able to have kids.

Anyway, I hope you open your eyes to the truth.

[sintropy-system]

School shootings are not something new. They've been happening for decades.

The lives of people seem to matter less than the right to use a gun. But let's take a dive into it.

I've been using guns since I was 5. My dad imbued gun safety laws into me and only ever allowed me to use them while being closely monitored by him, and only allowed me to shoot them at fixed targets in our backyard (we had a lot of land at the time).

My dad keeps every firearm he owns locked in his safe. Only recently has he elected to leaving my old BB gun out in order to shoot the ground near squirrels raiding our fruit trees.

Guns have been a major bonding tool between me and my dad, my entire life. My aim has always been remarkable, and its always been good fun.

But you know what's not good fun? Allowing your child access to unmonitored firearms time. Giving your child a weapon from a young age. Teaching them how to use that weapon without drilling gun safety into their skulls. This goes even beyond this though.

Children that exhibit agressive behavior should never be introduced to firearms. A parent should have enough close watch on their child to understand their emotional maturity and state of mind to determine if they should ever have access to or be taught to use a firearm. Parents should have their weapons locked in safes with codes that their children would never be able to guess. Automatic high velocity weapons should be banned.

People that grow up to become mass murderers are often coming from bad homes, or they have experienced immense trauma within their lifetime.

Trauma varies from person to person, of course.

But there are distinct indicators for children that have experienced abuse. Bedwetting, abusing animals, setting fires and vandelism.

Bedwetting is generally a sign of sexual abuse, or just incontinence in the child. How the parent reacts to the bedwetting is what truly builds this trauma. Beating your kids or punishing them for /peeing the bed while asleep/ is just wrong and inhumane. That inhumaness sets a child up for a future of misbelonging and trauma.

Animal abuse, another sign of a traumatized child. If a child is abusing an animal, call that shit out. Don't cheer them on or encourage it. Call them out on it and punish them harshly (not physically, but take away something they care about until they apologize to the animal and refrain from continuing that behavior.) Correct the behavior of a child hurting an animal fast. Its not cute, and if you go "aww!" or "haha!" at it, they'll often be tempted to see how far they can go.

If you're a parent teaching your kids how to hunt, teach them to respect the animals and treasure them. Don't take your child out hunting if they are not emotionally mature enough to understand the concept of hunting. Gauge your childs maturity from an outsider perspective and think "is this a good idea to let this child end the life of something with a gun?"

Setting fires/arson/vandelism are usually crimes for attention or just crimes that the person feels are necessary to do in order to express themselves/leave their mark on the world.

Even then, arson is considered one of the most destructive crimes, and is treated as such legally. If you commit arson, you're guaranteed to spend a long ass time in jail (unless you targeted a space particularly meant for minorities, but thats a whole nother subject about the disgrace of the american legal system and how it doesn't protect all citizens equally due to systemic racism and prejudice held by elected officials/judges/jury).

School shootings and massive massacres carried out with guns are usually the result of a mental break, or a cold calculating monster just aiming to kill as many people as possible before taking out themselves.

The key point I'm trying to make here, is that these events usually happen as a result of someone with extreme trauma, that's also going through a mental break. Gun laws and restrictions could be made to do extreme background checks on owners. Or you know, we could just get rid of them.

The second amendment was meant to protect against the tyranny then, and is particularly meant for dealing with intrusive governments. It's not meant for self protection, and even then, if all guns were gone then you wouldn't even need to protect against them.

But here's the crucial issue with that. Guns are mass produced. There are millions in circulation currently, and probably even more privately owned by citizens. They're used in the military, they're used by police, they're weaponized and for some reason they're seen as one of the only valid weapons to use against "unruly" citizens. If anything we should ban guns with high velocity cartridges and automatic features. No one needs access to a gun like that unless they're on an active battle field.

Yes country bumpkin number 27 i get that they are "soooo fun!" but they're also responsible for almost all massacres to date. If you remove high capactiy guns then you remove someones ability to end dozens of lives in an instance.

"But they could just hold two pistols!" Pistols have recoil and accuracy with a pistol while one handed is... not great. Especially for people who haven't particularly trained to use a pistol one handed. Also the balance of holding two guns (one of which with your non dominant hand). Guns are heavy, and most pistols are made for strong (men) with large hands. If I (someone with very weak noodle arms and small hands) tried to one hand a pistol, I'd probably sprain my wrist from the recoil (due to lack of structural support from my other hand) and probably jarr my hands from trying to extend my fingers that far. Point is, they'd likely switch to only one pistol for the support they'd need with holding the gun, and since pistols have limited magazines, that would slow the process of them taking lives.

Now I'm sure anyone reading this probably thinks I'm some alt right gun sympathizer but I'm not.

I grew up after Sandy Hook and Virginia Tech. We had active shooter drills regularly. One time when I was a freshman in high school, I was in the culinary room helping clean (I was not a culinary student, I was helping because I was sent by my teacher to after we had a culture buffet that we held in the culinary room.) The alarm sounded. It was not scheduled. We practically trampled over each other to cram into the attached bathroom because that was the only room without windows and with a lockable door. Some class clowns were making loud noises. Some of my peers were crying in a corner calling their parents. I was in the middle of having a dissociative panic attack. I thought I was going to die. I was there for 45 minutes. Standing there. Surrounded by the loud alarm, the monkey noises my idiot peers were making, and the crying of my peers.

Eventually they came over the PA system saying "False alarm everyone!"

I went home. Other people's parents weren't as considerate.

Another instance, shotgun casings were found in the building. They tried to keep it hush hush. It did not stay hush hush. I had a meltdown in class at the very prospect of someone having brought ammo to school. They didn't put us on lockdown, they just let things occur as normal. Eventually they sent out a email saying "Everythings fine! haha don't sue us!" saying that a student had worn a jacket they took hunting to school, and that the casings fell out then.

My trauma with the very concept of school shootings doesn't end there though. Hearing people banging on doors while I huddle in the corner with emotionally immature kids giggling and making jokes. Having my peers when I was /twelve years old/ saying that they would target me first in a shooting simply because I was trans. Having my friends frantically texting me "Is this real?" because they would never tell us.

The very concept of school shootings has left a generation of traumatized and desensitized students. Teachers fear the day they'll have to pick and choose a child over another. They fear the day that they may see one of their students harming others. They fear every drill. They fear the possibility that the "solution" would be to arm teachers and tell teachers to take the life of another that's likely a student that they know or have taught before.

This isn't even getting into the disgusting failure of the police force in protecting the students. Or how militarization of police did not help the recent situation at all. Or how the police didn't allow parents to enter the building to rescue their children, and instead focused on arresting parents instead. Or how they stood around in their unforms instead of entering the building. Or how they only entered the building to rescue their own children rather than others. Or how their lack of fast response has resulted in the death of at least one child, as they bled out at the hospital. Or how the school officer literally KNEW they were in the building from the beginning. Or how 18 minutes of police scanner archives are missing. Or how they told children to shout for help, and when one did, they were promptly located by the shooter and killed. Or how ICE was there because the shooter wasn't white.

This entire thing is an absolute shitshow that could've been avoided if our lawmakers would vote to ban automatic weapons. Even if we still had guns after the ban of automatic weapons, dozens of lives would be saved for the lack of an automatic cartridge. That's the only way we can keep guns in America. Otherwise, just get rid of them all.

Children should never have to face this trauma. Children should never have to do drills to prepare for the possibility of this trauma. Children do not deserve this. No one deserves this.

Choose lives over your weapons. Choose lives because if you don't this will continue to repeat, over and over again. Nothing will change until you do. Nothing will.