#and he doesnt have the human values I guess and understanding of human relationships

[papermunchughh]

Yeah literally forever haha

Noctilucent: If you like humans so much, why don't you just marry them!

Sym (who has been flirting with sol and dys for fucking forever): Believe me, I'm trying

[calocera]

Your posts about SNW Spock makes me so curious, could you please explain how they've done him wrong since he seems very different from the original series :O Are they making him more human despite the SNW taking place before the og?

yeah i can! im not the best person to talk about it probably since im a pretty recent trek fan and also tos/spock arent parts of trek i care about as much as a lot of other fans, but i have opinions for sure!!

firstly just up front i do not like ethan peck as spock. he does not look like spock or act in a way i am satisfied with. it feels like the only reason they cast him was because he has a deep voice. so i am going forward in this with haterism for him specifically not JUST how he is written in snw

Spock is written not like a vulcan but like an anhedonic human. actually not even anhedonic, just like a human raised in vulcan society trying to blend in. like there is nothing about him that feels genuine he just feels like woobiebait for 2012 tumblr to make flower crown edits of because he is awkward and quirky. every scene involving spock is a joke about him and his demeanor, everything he says is a wink wink nudge nudge "lol vulcans act like this and its so stupid lol logic is silly" like i can physically feel a laugh track whenever hes on screen. i enjoy jokes about vulcans but it isnt funny when there isnt anything else. its like spock showing emotion, it isnt satisfying when its a constant and not a little treat peppered in. in snw hes stifling a giggle or screaming in pain or being oopsie awkward silly every time he gets a focal scene, it takes the magic away because now it isnt a rare break in character its just how he is. Ive seen a lot of people defend this aspect as him being young and therefore less mature than in tos, but hes like approaching 30 :\ i get him being less mature but he doesnt act like a sheltered 30 year old he acts like someone freshly 18. at this point its just like…MAKE A NEW CHARACTER!!!!

as a point of contrast, i like how uhura is written in snw (in season 1 anyways, she has barely appeared in s2) she is obviously younger and is growing into her spot on the crew, but they arent hinging her character on the 1 or 2 pop culture uhura moments, retconning anything about that that doesnt align with modern media fandom, and calling it a day; they actually expand on her character outside of like idk her doing a sexy dance and her sitting at the phone (though i guess it is easier for her since she had barely any character in tos anyways). meanwhile they DO do that with spock, his bullet point top 10 iconic spock moments of sometimes being awkward and showing emotion are now the only things he is allowed to do. tldr flanderization

i also think its interesting that it is this way since ethan peck played spock in discovery and there hes the exact opposite. hes extremely serious and vulcan; which fits the tone of the show (regardless of my opinions on the tone of disco). i just dont understand how that spock translated into the snw spock. they are not the same guy.

anyways on to the biggest plot related gripe with him...how he interacts with women!!!yay!!

first theres how they decided to have multiple episodes about his, apparently, strained-yet-loving-and-involved relationship with tpring. the inclusion of t'pring feels stupid because other than the 1 minute of cheap "oh i remember her!" from someone seeing her on screen for the first time what point is there to her returning when the ONE canonical fact about her is that she and spock A: had an arranged marriage, B: did not meet in person since they were children, and C: hated each other. its not like there is a huge contingency of t'pring/spock shippers holding out since 1967 so what value does reintroducing her as a character serve? i assume its as some kind of attempt to give a woman who previously had no real character something to do, but her existence on snw is STILL only about spock and her relation to spock so there isnt any sort of feminist level up happening. including her was not interesting enough to justify retconning the plot of the most iconic episode of star trek. especially when multiple episodes tonally and stakes-wise rely on you caring about them as a couple, and anyone watching who knows who she is already knows that her and spock dont have any relationship to speak of in the future so who is this for? if you really really just NEED spock to have sex with a woman why not make a new character? that would also suck but at least it wouldnt be timeline interfering. im not even a huge continuity purist "oh no!!the timeline!!!plotholes!!!" but when the situation is the writers deliberately breaking the continuity in large ways and the outcome isnt even fun? stupid.

and now his relationship with chapel. i am way more annoyed by this one since its just gross. so from tos the only thing with them is that chapel has a crush on him and spock is not interested. also worth noting that its such a non-plot related thing that it only is revealed under the influence of alien drug virus that makes you horny. and they decided that not only was that enough to base a whole reciprocated romance arc around, but now since theyve introduced tpring back into the story, spock is now a cheater??? what is the POINT of breaking canon to introduce spocks girlfriend only to go "well actually hes horny for his coworker" like...that isnt how love triangles work youve just done a character assassination. the man who would rather kill his best friend than have sex with his wife is now fucking both her and the woman who confessed to him and he got so mad he crushed a computer with his bare hands. ok 👍. i just hate that they chose spock to be the romantic center of the show. anyone else could have been the character who gets into relationship drama why spock? there are multiple new characters who could have taken up the position. and its not like spock has nothing else to do as a character without it

to say things specifically about the most recent epsiode since it was particularly annoying and showed things that happen throughout the series:

firstly spock just does shit thats stupid. illogical even. i know the whole logical fallacy moment with vulcans but when it isnt a point of note in the show and rather just happens as if its a normal occurrence for spock as a person im like...he would be a laughing stock on vukcan and not have any of the positive reputation he holds.

the plot of this ep was basically that spock gets turned completely human and they just miss literally the whole point of it. vulcans have MORE emotion than humans, they ACTIVELY suppress it. yet when spock is turned human he just experiences human emotion completely emotionally? he should be having an EASIER time suppressing his emotions. and OMG he gets a BONER because he sees a hot WOMAN LOL LOL isnt that funny? spock got hard isnt that hilarious? its just so cheap. they act like being human makes him a completely different person, they played it like the voyager episode where belanna gets split into human and klingon BUT in that case she was literally split into two different people (this ep had a lot of issues too ie racism but that’s a different can of worms); here spock just becomes human he still has the same memories and training and history...why would he forget what its like to be a vulcan. they could SO EASILY make excuses too but they just didnt care. and anyways bada bing bada boom the ep ends with him and chapel hooking up which i already complained about and could complain about more.

i think thats already too much so im gunna stop myself here but trust theres more i hate and other people have probably talked about this better than i have :')

blade nation

[nightswithkookmin]

Guess I'm the only one who thinks V and Jimin would be a cute couple...

I know they (Jimin) don't like each other like that but they have their moments! And JK be blowing me sometimes LOL sorry...I feel like V is so caring!

But of course Imma stick beside Jimin no matter what ~sigh~

Babes you're not the only one.

There's a slew of vmin shippers out here who think so too. You not alone.

It's not everyday you find two grown men willing to discuss hurt feelings and confess their innermost feelings about eachother to eachother. It's gay but we love that. Toxic masculinity who?? Not vmin.

I was gonna do this topic as a separate blog but oh well. I guess you in my frequency.

V is not only caring. He is a giver. Acts of service is also one of his love languages as I've said a million times before. His recent weekend interview echoes this as well. Rather than assign members tasks, he'd rather they relax while he caters to their needs, take care of business, or to quote him, bring the stuff that they need.

Jimin on the other hand wants to sleep on the couch while the others have various roles to perform. Roles he's assigned them based on his needs or what he's perceived as the needs of the group.

Now this may be because he is too intelligent he immediately analyzes what will be needed in a hideout and quickly recognizes his own limitations and the strength of others. Or simply that recieving acts of service is his love language so he automatically expects others to do stuff around him.

Conversely, it could be Tae don't just have acts of service as his recieving love language but that he just doesnt understand what the collective needs are of the members or what the demands are in a place like a hideout and so gave little thought to his own limitations as well as the strengths of the members to even play into them.

Or that he just feels confidence in his capabilities to provide whatever will be needed and so worries less about whatever the others can bring to the table in terms of helping to run the place.

it's like asking them the question what would you bring with you to an island or what would you need if you were stranded on an island?

I think JM answered he'd just bring Jungkook because he quickly recognizes the survival skills of Kook, his phyiscal strength, versatility, his ability to fix things, manage things- listen, I'll take Jungkook too.

Given this little analysis here, you are right. On paper, Jimin and Tae will be a good fit because opposites attract. Right? As simple as that.

The giver and the reciever of Acts of service in a relationship are a great match for sure.

Yet that's such an over simplification. Human needs and wants are complex and at times complicated. We don't always want what we think we need or deserve. People want love but most us go to people who can't give it to us for it. Sometimes we have a pathology and likes don't always repel nor do opposite attract.

What matters most then is compatibility and shared values. In my opinion.

Yet what happens most of the time in this fandom is people like to ship the members most similar in traits or members whom they think will work well or ought to work well together- and not necessarily the members who in fact are working well because of their shared values and compatibility.

People think Jikook ought not to work because JK is this and JM is that but they've proven time and again that they do in fact work so well together as a pair.

And I get it, see Jikook don't have the same values about relationships for instance. Jimin values nurturing relationships Jungkook not so much unless he is interested in you. This may stem from their differences in personalities. Not many introverts are interested in creating and maintaining several bonds outside their intimate relationships.

Tae like Jimin is interested in and values giving to all their relationships. But that don't necessarily make them compatible.

Jikook keep telling us, we are a team, he is me I am him. Jimin holds Jungkook's hands stare into his eyes and says we've been a unit for such a long time do you think it's time to switch it up? Yet years later and they still ride together, sleep together, share rooms, meals, clothes etc. They work well because they are compatible and invested in making their relationship work. I don't know how many times yall want me to tell you this.

Jungkook and I are a team. This statement is so underrated and might be an understatement. A team within a team? How interesting. Doesn't it hit anyone as interesting? Just me? Alright then.

Vmin as the self professed soulmates within the group don't even affirm eachother as a team and pair as much as Jikook do.

People think because Vmin are both emotionally expressive that they ought to work and I know I tease them as lesbians and all but truth is they DON'T WORK and they know this. Cute sure. Do we love them? Totally. Are they working??? Maaa😫😫😫

For one, they aren't always organic in their validation and affirmations of their bond the way Jikook are most times.

V calls Jimin his best friend and instantly Jin says "well then stop fighting then." Where is the affirmation in that? Meanwhile when Jm says anything positive about kook or chooses Kook to give a card to the members go, "as expected." with an eye roll.

That's affirming as fuck.

We shippers like to shop boyfriends for our biases rather than support the choices and decisions our biases make.

For instance, why do people insist Tae Kook are a couple when those two never subconsciously or consciously validate and affirm their relationship unless they were trying to sell it?

Tae and JK do have a lot of similarities in their personalities, love language and interests. Its why people ship them so much. I get it.

Vmin are both emotionally expressive so people like them together- I know I do.

But unless vmin were lesbians really I wouldn't see how this would work out with them.

Their similarities isn't the only metric that matters, their differences matter too because that's how their compatibility is measured. And sometimes similarities get in the way of compatibility.

Vmin are so similar but are unable to mitigate their differences most times like other ships. Tae kook might have drifted apart because of the differences in their personalities but Vmin also goddamn fight all the time because of their differences.

Tuktuk rarely gravitate towards eachother organically unless there's trouble somewhere in JKs paradise, or when one person's personality changes, or thier goals change, or their needs change etc. And if ever they do gravitate they are never in sync. When Tae needs JK dude isnt always unavailable.

It happens with Vmin too. Jimin is not always accessible to Tae nor is JK always accessible to Tae which is why he used to complain alot bout JK keeping JM to himself.

V popped happy pills lately and says he wants to do things that bring him joy and happiness. He's more carefree lately than broody- he and JK gonna jell well in this phase because JK is a free spirit at heart. He's young, carefree, don't take himself too seriously and hella goofy.

Unless JM wanna party all the time, do some rebelling here and there, sniff coke there isn't much emo stuff Tae wanna do with him these days. Lol.

His emotional needs have changed. He doesn't need Jimin to heal him, fill his emotional void, have JM listen to him talk about his depression and angst. Bet you he's not writing these recent love songs bout Jimin😊

V is caring Jimin is caring. That tickles my lesbian heart. But even among lesbians some of us try to look for differences in our partners. Same sex don't mean same everything.

I'm an introvert, I hate both extroverts and introverts as friends and never dated an introvert in my life. Shit is depressing. Introverts don't socialise much, extroverts broken my ear cos they won't shut up.

And I get burn out easily being the only emotional anchor for my introvert gf. As an introvert myself that takes so much from me to give myself to another with such emotional demand and makes my depression worse.

But dating an extrovert is fun for me most times. They break me out of my shell a bit and don't mind when my mood swing hits and I become super chatty too sometimes. But it drives them crazy when they are the only ones I give all my attention to or when I'm depressed and shut them out for days and sometimes weeks and months without so much as a phone call or answering texts. Yes I'll leave you on read you better have friends you can lean on in such period.

Lately, I'm learning how to not super focus on people. It can get intense for them.

So it's not so simple as to say similar people will be good for eachother. We won't.

I'm femme, never really been attracted to mascs due to heterophobia but most femmes I've met within the black community like the opposite of themselves even as gay people- perhaps due to homophobia. Look, I'm tired of being gay. Someone swap sexualities with me.

then there's this whole anxious/ avoidants attraction dynamic where people who like to overly express themselves are most times subconsciously attracted to people who don't.

So you hear someone like V describe his ideal woman as someone outwardly cold but soft on the inside. Jimin is not outwardly cold. Yoongi best describe this ideal type. And if Yoongi is a good fit then Jungkook rather than Jimin is equally a good fit because Yoongi and Jungkook are quite similar in personalities than Yoongi and Jimin.

Then you guys are gonna ignore the fact that Vmin have being voted the duo who quarrel the most in the group. That's a huge red flag and is often a sign of incompatibility but we don't talk about that do we? Jimin will lose his mind if he and V ever date for real. I can tell you that much.

Also, the members don't seem particularly phased by the Jimin V duo. Taejinners claim it's because Jin is jealous but I beg to differ. When Jin says but you two fight too much it's more so he is tired of vmin's negative energy when they are constantly at eachother's throat and quarrel over every single damn thing.

Vmin tend to disturb the peace of the group with their energy rather than heal them the way we feel healed by them watching them from the outside in. That's the reality we shouldn't ignore. Members truly wish they were as kumbaya as they tell us they are.

While Jikooks attraction to eachother upsets the group dynamic because they are that couple everyone wants to separate, Vmin's unattraction to eachother is what ruffles the group most times.

And a lot of people are afraid to say this but those two aren't exactly tolerant of eachother you know?? They are just like Tae Kook in some respect. I'm sure had Jungkook said he wanted to eat before practice, and JM told him not to Kook would have listened out of consideration and trust for JM because he knows and believes Jimin has his best interest at heart.

And I'm sure had Jungkook explained to JM he was hungry Jimin wouldn't insist he puts the food away and practice first.

Jimin is caring, but you see that aspect of his personality more when he is with Jungkook rather than Taehyung. Yes, he will run to Tae to console him when he is crying etc but what he does when Tae is not crying is equally important.

Do you think had Jungkook walked into jms room at night because he was having a nightmare that Jimin would've turned Jungkook away??? No is the answer.

Though V said JM didn't turn him away, Jimin know what he did and his feelings about the situation can never be wrong. He felt guilty because whatever he did to get Tae out of the room did not come from a positive place. He felt bugged and disturbed even though Tae needed him. The things that slip up in Vmins soulmate facade is concerning.

Because of their closeness in age, he holds Tae to a higher standard than he holds JK. And because he is emotionally invested in Jungkook he holds Kook to a different standard all together.

Because they are age mates they are bound to butt heads. So please don't make this a vmin hate eachother thingy too. They don't. They are simply not compatible.

And I don't feel their emotional closeness as of late for Tae to claim he wanted Kook around when he needed emotional support in his Vlive and not call Jm first. Similarly, Jimin called Jungkook and not Tae for his Vlive. Soulmates where? Lesbians where?

Where is the emotional dependency in such vulnerable moments?? It's another slip through the crack. Actions speak louder than words.

If JM did the things he did with JK with Tae JK would stomp his balls off his pelvic. Let's talk about that too.

Vmin brings healing to us. That's a fact. But that's more so because of their personalities in their dynamic than their actual bond and connection.

it's part of their dynamic that they are vulnerable with eachother, playful, kind, emotionally raw. The soulmate trope.

But it speaks to their connection when they can video chat for hours, try to be there for eachother, protect eachother, show loyalty for eachother AND MOST IMPORTANTLY TOLERATE EACHOTHER'S ANNOYING SIDES.

It's a jikook dynamic that JK is less emotionally expressive while Jimin is overly expressive again due to the differences in their personalities. That's their trope however and says nothing about their actual connection and bond.

Tae Kooks dynamic and trope is the fratboys trope and dynamic. Partners in crime, fun mates, lowkey homo, if something is missing they did it kinda vibe.

Bts tropes are consistent over the years because there is a bit of performativeness to it and they've played it for so long it's their second nature.

Like they've said, they love to showcase their bond and there is a specific image and impression they would love us to have of their relationship. You know, like how they compare themselves to other bands and feel proud that they have more chemistry and authenticity in their relationship.

But when you look beyond their dynamics and tropes at their actual connections, some are more tom and Jerry than the Soulmate partner in crime they play on screen. Vmin are more the tom and Jerry of the group because they are very low on compatibility.

The members describe them as more antagonistic of eachother rather than the harmonious pair we know.

Vmin behind screens feel more like Yoonmin to me from Jimin wanting to hit Yoongi on the head sometimes with a bottle to also admiring his artistry and respecting him as a hyung. V broken Jimins brain.

That said, I like them. I feel out of all bts pairs they are the most likely to remain friends (stay in touch) forever. They both value connections and nurturing relationships unlike Kook who only invests in bonds one at a time and sometimes don't see the essence of nurturing relationships at all. Aigoo

Please stop wishing vmin were real that invalidates Jikook because then you are putting this energy into the UNIVERSE where you wish they weren't together. Love is love.

Even if Jungkook is a monster he is whom Jimin loves. I love Kook vicariously through Jimin and vice versa.

Even if Jimin likes men, he doesn't Tae😫

Men typically aren't raised to cooperate with other men. They are more competitive and unyielding towards eachother. Such is the nature of men. The only thing that mitigates this factor is homosexual love and or likeability- that produces the desire for cooperation.

As men, it's ok to see this competitiveness and noncooperation amongst them but how they mitigate it to stay cooperative is what matters and vmin don't cooperate much hence the fights💀

And while you might not find Jikook's dynamic healing they cooperate the most in bts.

Ait gotta run🤣

[flashflashhundredyarddash]

batkids and their relationships with their siblings headcanons. under read more because this got fucking LONGGG

dick

dick is the eldest so he doesnt want to bog down his younger siblings with his problems, but if he DOES, he tends to talk to jason about it

dick and cass start to really begin to bond when Cass shows up to dicks gymnastics class for 3rd-6th graders and then cass shows up all the sixth graders and they get frozen yogurt after lmao

dick and tim are Very much thick as thieves. tim is very much like bruce on the Emotional Suppression scale, so dick just really wants to make sure his little brother is safe and happy ALL the time

Duke and Damian are the only two really permanently at the manor anymore, so when dick drops by he tries to do something with both of them. duke frantically zoom calls dick every other week to help him with his his trig homework. dick shows up to dukes high school graduation with literally the BIGGEST SIGN

everyone insists damian is dicks favorite but he does actually genuinely love all his siblings equally, his relationship with damian is just Very different from the others because of the age gap and being dami's primary caretaker for a year. dick babies dami every chance he gets

jason

would sell Dick to satan for One corn chip

him and cass don't have the greatest start to their relationship because cass is very much Against Killing so it takes a while for jason to warm up to her and earn her trust. now, though, jason is competing with steph by showing cass all the classic American Teenager things she missed out on. steph is currently winning but jason is like 98% positive a crunch wrap from taco bell is going to push him over the edge

tim and jason are currently competing over who can solve the most cases in a month. tim is winning. that won't last long.

jason Loves to Big Brother duke its so embarrassing. duke will get out of school and go to his car and jason is SITTING IN THE FRONT SEAT FRANTICALLY WAVING TO GET DUKES ATTENTION. JASON THAT IS MY CAR. signal has one (1) mission with arsenal and arsenal goes hey did you ask that girl to homecoming yet and duke is like I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.

Damian is proof that Actually, Little Brothers are Pests. Jason fully believes that he was brought back from the dead PURELY to torment damian and he will fulfill this mission at any cost

cassandra

it actually really upset her when Dick didn't accept her at first. she knows her other siblings really adore dick so his lack of trust was really disheartening. it takes dick a while but once he Actually Accepts that cass is going to be a permanent part of their life and oh, wow, dick you really hurt her feelings he really hyperfocuses on bonding with cass for a couple of months which definitely improves their relationship

she really likes jason!! their relationship doesn't start well but because he's close with steph and tim who are cass's top two favorite people to exist ever, cass is like well i GUESS ill hang out with him more. jason is fun to talk to because he always tries his best to explain jokes and give context to what people are talking about (also tim took her to taco bell already but she didn't tell jason she just wanted to hang out)

cass LOVES tim. they just click okay. tim always seems to know when to give her space and when to push and come closer. Tim's "guest room" is just her room lets be real. tim and cass occasionally get mistaken for twins and Cass Loves it.

duke makes cass listen to metal once and cass loses. her. damn. mind. they bond over music a lot because they both Love Music to a degree the others in their family don't.

damian!! damian is her little brother!!! dami isn't As Hostile to cass at first because he is 100% aware cass has the edge in fighting and respects her. cass likes all of his instagram posts and they have a snapchat streak going

tim

tim Loves dick, dick was his first sibling!! he had Very strong hero worship when he first met dick but it mellowed out when tim got older because wow 17 is really not that cool and mature lol. tim has an open invitation to dick's apartment which he does occasionally take advantage of. tim has more than once scared the shit out of wally when wally comes over and wally is convinced they're being robbed (HA) for half a second. i mean. he's not wrong.

listen. tim understands that forgiving the guy who tried to kill you would be a Struggle for some people and it was! definitely! but also at least he can trust jason to, uh, be open about if he doesn't like tim. which is not an assurance he has with other people. so if the guy who tried to kill him tells him tim is cool now then like. maybe tim isn't that bad or annoying a person? also jason arrested a whole gang and won the cases competition but then it created a power vacuum that the whole batfam had to clean up the rest of the month. thanks, jason.

tim LOVES cass. you know how most of the time theres this empty feeling inside you and you just kind of ignore it because you don't know what will fix it or if you do, you know you can't fix it? cass makes that empty feeling feel a little less empty. they just click. tim always tries to travel with cass whenever she leaves gotham.

tim and duke. Tim is actually the sibling who duke goes to whenever he has questions he doesn't want to ask bruce or alfred about, like, life or vigilante-ing or school or college or whatever and Tim is always like yes!! i love Giving Advice and Solving Problems!! tim and duke and jason fill out their college applications together.

tim and damian. LMAO. ROUGH START THAT'S ALL ILL SAY. at some point alfred goes like fuck it. family therapy. and tim and dami are PISSED. tim and damian get along best when they have a common enemy to work against. their relationship gets much better when damian is older and they actually talk about their feelings like emotionally stunted bats. despite how bad their relationship was, tim will ALWAYS protect damian

duke

very much intimidated by dick at first. dick is so much older and has his own job and friends and life and is very much AN ADULT. dick likes to take duke out to do lots of cool stuff (paintball, lasertag, tech exhibitions, concerts, etc). also, dick PERSONALLY introduced duke to superman and is dating THE FLASH. 10/10 awesome big brother.

was intimidated by jason for 0.5 seconds before jason actually opened his mouth and started speaking. jason is literally. So Embarrassing. which is weird because nobody else really seems to feel that way about jason but duke knows he's 100% in the right here. like yeah jason is also An Adult and does Adult Stuff but he's also at the manor like every other weekend???? and he always complains about bruce but always seems to be in the same room bruce is in????? like okay jason. they bond over literature!! jason and duke and alfred will spend literal hours talking about books and duke loves it. duke is the only one who doesn't think jason is funny and jason gets so upset about it lmao.

cass has this one week where she gets really into photography and by virtue of being nearby (and also not nocturnal), duke becomes her victim subject. duke prints out all the pictures and hangs them up in his room (his favorite is one he took when he stole the camera and took a really bad selfie of them together).

tim is closest in age to duke so duke tends to hang around with him a lot. tim introduced duke to his young justice friends and duke is like yes!!! meta-friends!!!! tim really helps duke out with his powers because tim is always like wow i wonder if your powers would work if we did This? can you see farther than other people? is your visible spectrum of light different than other humans? Bruce does the same thing but bruce is boring about it lol.

damian and duke live in the same house and will be in the same room and just send each other social media posts back and forth. they follow each other on instagram and will, OCCASIONALLY, make tik toks together because they're tik tok fiends. each of his siblings have visited his parents once or twice but damian routinely comes with him.

damian

damian gets a special bullet point to say that it took him. forever to come around to the idea of having siblings. he very much believed that he was Bruce's Blood Son and everyone else were just tagalongs or allies. it took him ages to acknowledge that dick, jason, tim, and cass were his siblings, so when duke came and like a week later damian was like Ah, Yes, this is my brother Thomas everyone else was like dude wtf

listen. LISTEN. Obviously. Richard is very highly skilled. and also Father values him highly. and also Richard will listen to Damian complain about his schoolmates. and also Richard is much more patient with Damian than other members of his family. listen....,,, (all this to say damian kind of fucking adores dick lmaooooo this kid).

Todd is kind of unbearable but damian has been informed this is both a normal feeling when it comes to Todd and also big brothers. damian was an only child for ten years so yes, Father, if Todd attempts to tickle me I WILL break his fucking nose. yes i WILL put money in the swear jar but I want you to know i don't regret it. they always try to sneak up on each other but mostly fail.

DRAKE!!! but no lol once damian grows up and is like I Apologize for attempting to murder you it was wrong and you are just as much a son to Father as I am tim is like UGH i guess its cool since ur being so emotionally mature and all. also im 2 for 5 on siblings trying to murder me so im definitely going to win trauma bingo and damian is like i take it back you are insufferable. When Will My Older Siblings Stop Joking About Their Trauma.

CASS!!! listen. cass is cool. Cass Gets It. They have a special Bond. also damian really likes it whenever cass is home because 1) he gets to hang out and do something cool with cass and 2) he feels significantly safer with cass in the house because Nobody will be able to hurt any of their family if Cass is there. ALSO he tries to call her cain but everyone is like DONT DO THAT and he doesn't want to call her wayne bcus theyre ALL wayne (dick adds it on as a middle name but also Richard John Wayne West-Grayson is just. the lamest name ever so dick needs to reconsider it before his upcoming nuptials)((dick will not reconsider it except maybe whether grayson-west would work better)) and so he tries cassandra but cass is like :) call me cass and damian is like cassandra is more formal and respectful and cass is like :) and finally damian just has to give in.

Duke! him and duke actually live together so they get the Most Bonding Time and have a bunch of inside jokes as a result. (is it bad i wanted to laugh because inside jokes... joker... i'll see myself out). they're eating breakfast together (and also alfred sits with them IM NOT A MONSTER ALFIE'S LIKE 70 NOW OKAY) and duke laughs and bruce is like what are you laughing at, son? and duke is like oh damian just showed me this funny meme and then he shows the phone to bruce and bruce grabs it (both the boys groan) and after WAY TOO LONG is like "i don't get it" and so now duke and damian have to try and explain the comedic intricacy of bob's burgers

[no-name-district]

I just need to vent.

[And before y'all come for me: murder is bad, terrorising a country because of your childhood trauma is bad, retraumatizing you family (again because of your childhood trauma) is bad. We understand this. Accountability is important!!! Anyway]

1) "Child raised in household where he and his siblings were labelled as 'successes' or 'failures' and treated as such fails to see younger brother as human. More at 11" No but really, can we really expect Dabi to fully view Shouto as human when even Endeavor didn't for the longest time??? If you grow up subjected to extreme dehumanization, do you ever really learn to see people as fully human? If we look at how he treats the league, Hawks, ANYBODY we see that he has two boxes: useful and useless. He really only develops (tolerates, really) relationships if the other party has some utilitarian value. So is it suprising that he sees Shouto as a pawn in Endeavour's schemes and nothing else? No. Is it fucked up? Absolutely. 100%. But it makes sense becAUSE THAT IS LITERALLY??? HOW ENDEAVOR TREATED THEM??? FOR YEARS???

2) "He doesnt think about his family!!!Hes selfish and evil!!!" Yeah. He's a villain. He does evil things... But in all seriousness, the Todoroki situation is so fucked up that everyone ends up hurting another family member whether they wanted to or not. Fuyumi just wants to forget and move on, but that will hurt Natsuo because he (rightfully) refuses to do just that. Natsu wants to burn that bridge, but that would hurt Fuyumi, Rei, and Shouto because they're all more or less determined to stay for the time being. Whether anyone stays or leaves, stays quiet or speaks up, another Todoroki is going to be hurt. And just think for a moment, what if it was Shouto who exposed the abuse? Fuyumi? Natsuo? Rei? They're all victims and they all deserve the right to hold their collective abuse accountable and IF THEY HAD they would still be hurting the rest of the family. Exposing your abuser who happens to have a lot of power, fame, and prestige is going to be messy. Dabi just chose the MESSIEST most DRAMATIC way possible [ which was 100% a dick move] Point is, this process was going to be a shitshow regardless, I just hope everyone has a therapist on retainer.

3) "Childhood trauma doesn't excuse murder!!!!!" It does not, but it does explain quite a few things. Its the same reason FBI profiles on serial killers includes upbringing: childhood trauma doesn't give them a get-out-of-jail free card, it lets the rest of us figure out what went wrong and how we can make sure it doesn't happen again. Thats the thing about villains in this series: they're what went wrong. They're a testament to what went wrong in hero society. They're what happens when you let children slide to the cracks. Its much like that one quote: "If the village turns its back on a child the child will burn the village to the ground to feel its warmth". DABIS ACTIONS ARE NOT JUSTIFIED BUT THEY AREN'T RANDOM EITHER and his backstory isnt an excuse its an EXPLANATION. Dabi is quite literally telling us how he got frim point A to point B and we should listen lest we want to see all the Dabis and Togas and Shigarakis that hero society has created and will continue to create unless someone fixes the damn system.

4) The last thing I wanted to mention is that this is, quite literally, a "dont you ever want to go apeshit" moment. Ive seen some posts where people say yes, this is what abuse victims want. Burn him to crisp. Fuck him and fuck everyone else. Is it a selfish and destructive mindset??? Of course! But guess what!!! Dabi was abused half of his life and forgotten for the rest of it!!! He never learned to be kind and generous!!! He never learned to think about how your actions affect others!!! He never even learned to think about how his actions would affect his own wellbeing!!! He has no fucks left to give!!! And its HORRIBLE!!! Because so may people can see themselves in him. Its horrible because a lot of us understand the madness and sometimes we want to go apeshit.

This entire chapter was absolutely fucked and i loved every second of it.

[numbaoneflaya]

You can count on me to pull up with a thousand of questions sbdhdh. A3, A22, C5, D3, F3 for Jilly ; A18, A23, B9, C1, H2 for Nirn ; A5,B9, C8, D1, I5, for Thurwen ; A9, A13, C1, E8, and G6 for Valkya? 😏

A3, A22, C5, D3, F3 for Jilly ;

A3.Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it?

Shawty got that stockholm syndrome in a way. She is…. Sometimes aware of it, though she wouldn't call it that any more. Maybe at first in the basement she was more aware, but now that she can come and go she thinks its a thing of the past. tries not to dwell on it. Kind of in a “well its literally not that bad its kind of fun its kind of romantic were just quirky <3” way, will get mad if someone insists she has stockholm or that the relationship is fucked. Will get enraged and upset on Vincent's behalf, probably cry and yell at you.

A22. Is your OC intended to be found generally attractive? Unattractive? Average? Is there a reason why?

I intended her to be fairly average, maybe kind of cute. It's generally the way she dresses/acts in public that draws attention, not her looks. I tend to make most of my ocs on the average scale besides a select few.

C5. Do your OC’s morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they don’t like, or when it’s inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational?

Good question…. Jillys morals are pretty simple- always be kind and nice, murder and hurting other people is bad, and you shouldnt lie. She sticks to those pretty strictly herself despite the situations she gets put in, often to her own detriment. But she doesn't always put a stop to those behaviors from the people she surrounds herself with, so she's sort of accomplice to bad acts of violence just by not snitching. So somewhat situational? She tries not to think about it.

D3. How comfortable are they with the idea of death?

Not comfortable! She hadn't seen a lot of it before her early twenties and was always sort of sheltered. dead fish are flushed down the toilet bcs they go to the ocean to live again, right? Thought cows and such all died of old age peacefully before they were made into burgers until she was like… twelve. 💀Won't kill mice and other critters despite her prey drive bcs she would feel too bad. And this is just for animal death, she's much more uncomfortable with human death. Also a thing she tries to ignore.

F3. Could they ever live in a “tiny home”?

God no. She hates small spaces unless she's hiding in them and tiny homes have no room for all the shit she stashes! No room for zoomies, or climbing on the furniture, or wrestling around on the floor. It would be filled with junk within a week.

A18, A23, B9, C1, H2 for Nirn ;

A18. Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do?

He's never had much to be jealous of, as he's never really been over involved in romantic relationships. They were usually mutually beneficial and somewhat clinical in nature. Hes also pretty sure of himself and his value as an asset and lover. If he finds someone who peaks his interest and they become an item though, he might get jealous if he catches them flirting with other people. Hell be peeved at first but know flirtation in business has its value, so to make himself feel better might flirt with someone else while they are nearby. Make a game of it, see who wins.

A23. Does your OC place much importance on their appearance? Do they feel confident in it?

Appearances are crucial to him and spends a lot of time and money making sure he looks his best. He needs to appear above the rabble and impenetrable, dressing well and having immaculate posture and an air of both grace and otherworldliness.

B9. What kind of humor does your OC like the most? Slapstick, ironic, funny sounds, scare pranks, xD sO rAnDoM…

Definitely not one to find fart jokes funny. Very rarely laughs genuinely or full heartedly, he keeps all his expressions of emotion close to his chest. Sharp sardonic wit is appealing to him in the right circumstances, even a jab directed at himself can make him chuckle if it's well formed enough. Irony almost always gets him, even if its dark irony or gallows humor. Bit of a hard nut to crack. Would laugh enough that hed have to cover his mouth with his hand if he were to see Felix fall face first into mud, though. More often than not you can tell he finds something amusing by a gleam in his eyes and a slight squint.

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?

Well he used to have a real moral code :/. Now I mean…. The ends justify the means. By any means necessary. He considers his family's needs first, then the good of the world, then any individual in the world. Has ordered executions of entire families, had babies stolen and sent away, sent armies to certain death knowing full well they would all die, commanded individuals be tortured for information, sacrificed many in what he considers to be a game of chess where he is the player and others are the pawns. He finds senseless violence and savagery to be unforgivable, but if violence has a sense and purpose to employ it, then he will do so.

H2. Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover?

Nirn tends to be a very thoughtful and attentive person in general, just for the wrong reasons lmaoooo. But with a lover? He's going to be utilizing that to show them how much he cares and using his powers for good. Mention you like a certain fabric while shopping one time and then complain your favorite tunic has a wine stain in it several months later, he's going to be taking your measurements for a new one in your preferred material without a moment's notice. Very keen on picking up moods, expressions and tone. Also has a very good memory. He doesn't really think about it but gifts are how he shows his love. Also a great attentive listener.

A5,B9, C8, D1, I5, for Thurwen ;

A5. Are they good at handling change in their life?

I would say so, yeah. Shes been used to things constantly changing since she was little and has had little to no control on outside influences. Shes also not one to over think about the past and lament, shes more of a one foot in front of the other, the only time is the present kind of gal. Of course large changes like becoming a warden were a bit more severe, but shes mostly able to think in the present as long as she has immediate problems to deal with.

B9.What kind of humor does your OC like the most? Slapstick, ironic, funny sounds, scare pranks, xD sO rAnDoM…

Slapstick is always gonna make her laugh as long as nobody gets seriously hurt, even if its her own ass tripping into a tree. Not a fan of scare pranks, 0/10 recommend trying to scare Thurwen. You will end up with a broken nose at best and an angry elf. Likes puns, but she's the one to groan at them and try and hide the grin spreading across her face. Gallows humor but only if its her in the gallows, otherwise doesn't find it funny at all. If a little kid calls someone a fartcicle she will be tears in the eyes giggling, which is hard when your warden commander and everyone looks toward you to be serious and mature gyshsdhdfsghsd.

C8. Is your OC more practical or ideal morally? I.e., do they hold people to high expectations of behavior even if it’s not realistic for the situation, or do they have a more realistic approach and adapt their morality to be more practical?

She definitely holds herself to moral ideals and is very hard on herself, but has realistic moral expectations for others. She can understand self serving and people only wanting to survive and she will only give people a little bit of shit for it, no one's perfect. But then she expects herself to be perfect and berates herself constantly for not living up to the hero of ferelden warden commander ideals.

D1. How religious is your OC? What do they practice, if anything? If they don’t associate with any religion, what do they think of religion in general?

Atheist ever since her mom died when she was a kid, but now Shes in a weird mixed state ever since the urn of sacred ashes where shes like. fuck the maker, but Andraste is cool I guess. So respects/believes in the power of Andraste while thinking the maker is a piece of shit and the chantry sucks ass. Even she doesnt know what she really believes, but she did see the ghosts of Andrastes disciples and Shartan, used her ashes as healing salve, killed an old god, etc. So shes been in a weird place recently, crisis of faith/non faith pretty continual.

I5. Are they a good cook?

I mean…. She can cook basics. Shes been feeding herself and the alienage kids since she was old enough to walk so she knows how to get protein and make things edible. Does it taste good? Probably not. She didnt see her first spice till she was 17 years old, but she can skin a rabbit in seven seconds.

LA9, A13, C1, E8, and G6 for Valkya? 😏

A9. Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others?

She tries to excuse bad behavior of herself or others a lot, yeah fgdgdsfhdhs. Mostly she doesnt have to make excuses for herself because she can wholeheartedly be like “yeah i fucked up but whatever im sexy and large and awesome and everyone loves me 🙄whatever baby” and when other people fuck up shes pretty sympathetic even though they are not as large nor as sexy. Shes very used to forgiving and excusing herself its totally alien to her when she really fucks up and is suddenly like wait… valkya…. Did bad?? What is this feeling. Shame?? Guilt?? IMPOSSIBLE.

A13. Does your OC have any phobias? If so, where did they come from?

She hates those giant bugs in morrowind and valenwood a whole fucking lot but I wouldnt exactly place it as a phobia. Those huge mosquitoes and haorvers got no respect but she really hates the morrowind bugs ever since they knocked her over and jumped her while she was pants down peeing drunk as hell in the sand :/ never forgave. Never forgot.

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it?

She was raised in a healthy household that tought the basics, prety much “harming others needlessly, stealing, torture, rape, dessecrating the dead, being selfish and not doing right by others, etc etc all basic bad things” are her morals. Her morality is basically treat others how you want to be treated. And if they treat you badly, then have fun beating the shit out of them to show everyone else not to fuck with you. Its a pretty nordic morality in that way. Her morality is also since she was ‘blessed’ with being so large and strong, that she has to also look out for the little guy who cant protect themselves. So If someone treats them how valkya wouldn't want to be treated, then beat the shit out of the person harming them to show them the little guys got backup. Her parents raised her to be a hero and thats p much how she sees herself, which has its benefits and its fuckin problems.

E8. What’s one of your OC’s biggest regrets?

Fucking up Dem and Dariens relationship for sure dude :/ valkya always gonna be sulking over that one. She doesnt regret becoming a vestige, even though it would have made her so much happier not to be because it ended up saving so many people and the world. She regrets not spending more time with Naryu, regrets always having other life saving business she had to run off to, regrets not cherishing the time they had together. Regrets not telling Lyris how she feels, either. Regrets not being able to save as many people as she should have, regrets she wasnt stronger in coldharbor and didnt break out herself. But she tries not to think about it <3

G6. Do they have any favorite childhood memories?

When she was seven she once spent two months training to hold her breath underwater, because her cousin always held it longer and won the gold bet. She trained for hours almost drowning in the river until she could comfortably hold it for up to three minutes. During the next holiday when they all got together again the competitions were on and they both went under- her cousin won, holding their breath for four more minutes before they decided to come up. This was the first lesson she learned that shocked her world view- you always need to know your opponents capabilities. (after she lost 26 gold in the bets, her mother later had to inform her that her cousin was an argonian.)

[littlefoxwithbighat]

Hi! This is talking about the plot of the dream smp in a meta sense and its a bit negative. The person behind this blog wants to remind you that you can skip if it's not for you and they still love the SMP. :)

ALL DISCUSSION IS ABOUT CHARACTERS. DON'T ATTACK CCS OR I WILL STEAL YOUR KNEECAPS.

I can't lie; I'm really annoyed and worried at the way the writers are handling Tommys character at the moment, and am increasingly concerned about it messing up the plot.

I wasn't very happy with the finale. I don't think that means all is lost, I think they can pull it back but it's going to take some work. I was worried about the way that things were handled before but the green festival was actually very well handled, so my worries were mostly assuaged. But yesterday? I don't know.

The fact nobody lost a cannon death is kind of disappointing. The weight of blowing up an entire city/ (country?) brutally is somewhat lost if there is no human loss. Nobody was hurt physically and the only people this had a big mental impact on was Tommy and Tubbo, everyone else wasn't very attached to L'manburg or had gone rogue, or were detatched from the while situation. And maybe it's the fact it's happened to them before or that they still have each other or that it seems odd/ frustrating that they still care so much about this place or that it was always a losing battle and they knew it, but I dont find myself really pitying them like I probably should. And I think that comes down to character growth or lack thereof, which I'll discuss later.

Niki and Fundy have started a villain arc, or at least a violent nihilism arc, and I actually don't mind it, in fact I'm a fan but it wasnt really foreshadowed, or really just showing them cracking as much as it should have been. I would guess this has mostly been started for both of them to tie Niki into the plot and I can't blame her for wanting that. Fundys acting is very good, and I REALLY hope the writers handle this well. For Fundy, regarding the fact that his father is going to be resurrected and that Fundy is following in his footsteps... If the writers don't realise that connection and make this a big step in Fundys narrative I will scream. Also Funboo bros are very interesting character foils and I hope their relationship is maintained so that they can play of off each other and also man I just really want them to keep being friends, it's a generally positive healthy relationship that makes both characters sympathetic and we need that right now. As for Niki, her character motivations seem to be mostly centered around Tommy and on the one hand I'm like ehhhh, because Tommy's character already gets a disproportionate amount of attention in terms of narrative, and I get it, but recently he's been a bit TOO much of the protagonist for a multi-person POV improve server... and I'm apprehensive. However on the other hand this has potential for a nice confrontation between Tommy and Niki. If that happens I want Tommy to be aware that this is going to happen and not talk over Niki, and I don't want it to be brushed over. I think it would be best if it was just the two of them. This also gives a nice chance for Tommy to examine his trauma with Dream and explain his motivations and Niki to get her anger out. I also want it to end positively, because it absolutely can and lack of communication when the viewer knows how to fix it is OK as a plot device sometimes but incredibly frustrating if it keeps happening (cough, Tommy and Techno).

Ranboo is reacting to the plot amazingly and I have as usual only praise for him, go, you funky enderman boy, go.

Wilbur is getting resurrected which is a thousand percent because Will wants the plot back and honestly I don't really mind, I think he'll do a good job. However I really hope he speaks to everybody about their characters, particularly Fundy, Ranboo and Niki because I don't want their characterisation and arcs to be thrown away.

Tubbo is doing very well, and I don't have many complaints to be honest. I hope he continues to get in with the acting with no shame, because he's an amazing VA when he wants to be, but sometimes he undercuts serious moments a little too much by laughing. Same criticism for Phil actually. But both are doing good.

On the theme of that, while I don't mind tension relievers or humour in serious moments there are sometimes too many. It was a lot worse about a month back and it was improving, but it seems to be creeping back in and ehhh. It's kind of Marvel-esque and not in a good way? I think it has a lot to do with bloopers and for some reason there are loads at the moment? Like Wilburs arc had almost none and this arc there's at least 2 every moment. Which isn't always their fault but maybe they need to take more steps to prevent them.

Techno is doing OK, he's quite a meta character so I'm not too mad about him undercutting serious moments but sometimes he does do it too much or in the wrong place. Like making jokes about Connor completely over the top of Tommy and Tubbos reunion, you know an event which has been foreshadowed for yoinks, prevented them from getting a proper flow going and kind of ruined it. And that made the reunion really dissapointing, which is a shame because it could have been so cool. However his characterisation is consistent and dedicated, his goals and relationships are clear and he's getting humanised more which is nice, and his monologues are great. I'm curious to see what he does now NL'M is gone but I have total faith in him.

Now Tommy. Oh Tommy. His character is such a mess at the moment, which is a shame because there were moments I saw people doubting his character choices and I was behind him.

Firstly the relationship with Techno fell apart. That was inevitable. Tommy didn't care about anarchy and Techno didn't care about the discs and both of their goals would impede the others. But the way Tommy talks about Techno is so... No? And now I understand that Tommy is going to have a biased perspective on the whole situation, and that's fine and good, but his character is so wrong about Techno it feels weird and painful? Like even from his perspective it went down differently to how he talks about it. They don't listen to each other and it's like watching two people scream at a wall.

The issue is the relationship was fairly well developed. I struggle to see Tommy saying he saw Techno as a friend but Techno never saw him as a friend because hold on, what? Techno, here's a respiration helmet because of that one of thing you told me about your trauma, a disc because those make you happy, plus top tier armour and weaponry, plus I'm going to spend time with you, calm you down from panic attacks, hide you and protect you from Dream, let you wander around L'manburg and achieve your own goals and help you plan things out Techno and Tommy didn't get ANYTHING from that? Plus after Techno opens up about his goals and his trauma, do the one thing that would hurt him the most, (use and then betray him) and then directly oppose his goals after he helped me? Ugh. It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I know he would never let Tubbo get hurt and thats fine, but there were ways around that. If you're framing this character as the protagonist, then he needs to be sympathetic or at least grow and Tommy using Techno again without remorse and then refusing to listen to his perspective or show any gratitude for anything makes it difficult for viewers to empathise with him in my opinion. Have him betray Techno and then listen to Techno when he explains why Tommys betrayal hurt him and apologise, fine. Have him listen to Techno and try and find a way to keep Tubbo safe regardless, fine. Have him betray Techno but apologetically and still trying to avoid Techo getting crushed or killed, fine. But THIS? Im sympathetic towards Tommys character but this throws away so much potential character development for Tommy, where at least he saw Techno as a person, and not only that but a nice person who despite everything has set aside everything to help him? And then for him to be exactly where he was at the end of season 1, both literally, and emotionally ? I understand this is a child soldier with trauma but this is supposed to be our protagonist and if he doesn't grow, and isn't sympathetic and destroys someone we care about, how can we root for him?

Now all of this could be forgivable, not great, but forgivable, if Tommy had moved on from the discs. The Goddamn Discs™. And the worse part is all the dominoes were lined up to suggest he had! We had his moment of "he watched me" where he realised Dream was the villain and controlling him, "I've become worse than everyone I hated" good, amazing, I see where this is going, "The discs were worth more than you ever were!" and then he retracts and apologises and you think horray! Tommy has realised the discs were being used to control him and if he doesn't care about them, they hold no value! Now he's going to realise that his friends are more important and he's going to stop going after the discs. His new character motivation can be killing Dream and protecting his friends, especially Tubbo. It's clearly angled this way, and this way the plot progresses and Tommy with it. What marvellous character development. Look at him go.

And THEN, after everything that's happened he says the most important thing is the disc and I want them back!?!? EH !!? Why... Who... Who gave the OK on that writing decision? That's so static and boring and unsympathetic! And then he's back to asking people do fight for L'manburg? What?

I'll be honest I was kind go hoping either Tommy or Tubbo would die with L'manburg. I didn't mind it they didn't, there are a thousand ways to make the plot work without them dying, but this was not a great one.

PLEASE let Tommy have some growth. Yes he's had some from not caring about L'manburg to fighting for it in season one, but that was ages ago and he doesnt seem to have changed since then in any way that really counts. And I know this is harsh and he's traumatised but you have to understand I am talking about this in a sense of characters and narrative and NOT in terms of real life. Tommy needs to be better and dynamic because he is a charcacter and I want him to be a good one.

Having said all that, here are my thoughts on the future of the SMP.

Firstly, I am worried that becuse it is such a good source of content, especially for Tommy that they will never ever kill his character and leave him fighting with Dream for eternity. And I love the Dream SMP but I've seen stories that get dragged out for plot or content, and however much you think you want it to never end, let me tell you, yes you do. It will get stale and repetitive and I want the dream smp, or at least Tommys arc to go out with a beautiful and brilliant and fabulous plot ending instead of being dragged into the dirt. And then maybe new characters take the spotlight. Just please god give it a goode ending.

I also really hope they don't throw other things away to make Tommy the centre of attention, especially if it's destructive to the plot, or kind of weird and obnoxious.

Secondly, I am intrigued about the prison and Schlatts book to Dream and Technos favour and the egg and what that entails and I hope they really think through those plot points carefully and make them work, and don't forget them or throw them away.

Thirdly, I am intrigued for Wilburs return and hope that he manages to fix it cohesively without too crazy a change of pace and style and keeping characters (especially Ranboo and Fundy and Niki) consistent.

I hope they prep for the future and think things thought and communicate with each other.

It might be interesting to see other countries finally discussed but I don't know how much that would intefere with other plot points so we'll see.

That's all! Reminder that this is about characters and plot and this is just a few criticisms. I love the dream smp, but there are somethings I wanted to get of my chest. Please be respectful and feel free to discuss in the notes. Also, again, no hate to any CCs!

[dariaastrid]

THE 100 my thoughts of 6.07.

Well, me, finally, calmed down and rewatched the whole episode again.

The first thing is that this episode was splendid! I loved it all from first minute to the last once, basically was glued to the screen all the time.

I enjoyed the idea of space minds, because, firstly, it allows to see character deeper and feel their intention, fears and feelings through simple objects of reality, pictures, things. It also gave us a link to ‘Inception’ movie and pointed to Freudian concept of the unconscious. Besides, it also guides us to the Eric Burn theory that each person contains ‘child’, ‘adult’, ‘parent’ personality.

It was smart to use the rain as a metaphor of Clarke swings moods, chest with the code for her secret memory, also show us her dads video and Jasper glasses inside of it.

Her mind is constructed by series of locations. The reason behind is that Clarke really changed through all of her stages in life. Each one has its own meaning for her, as she grew from a young idealistic teenage girl to a grown woman, complicated and contradictory person. She became not only leader to her people, but also a parent figure. We could equate it to the thing of becoming a real mom to a child, who needs care and protection.

Clarke character this episode, her development was really thought through.

Lets try to analyze main locations.

First, we should compare how Clarkes personalities are connected with each stage of action. Second, we ll try to have a general concept of each mind space.

1.Spaceship

This place is where all Clarke memories lies, her story. I guess its just a hard drive to the whole computer, shortly her brain. There she is represented as ‘the princess on the spaceship’ and also as Wanheda, also as The Clarke ‘Madis mother’ ( Read it that way ‘child’, ‘adult’, ‘parent’) . These three parts of her personality show us the two parts of Clark, the peaceful one, rebelious one, guilty one. It’s her three sides, which are struggling to fight each other to prevail in behavior. She still has her child hopes. She still tries to be rigidity and consistency in her solutions. She now is accepting her responsibility, drowning in a blame for her decisions.

The Clarke on the spaceship is the Clarke, who believes that there is so much more than survival and fighting for life. She appears to be the most vulnerable one. Wanheda has the power of being more dark for the purpose of the survival and life. She is the dark side of Clarke who was formed by conditions of her living. Clarke from season 5 and 6 is Clarke who is trying find a peace for herself as a human, suffering inside from two sides of her world.

The lights and the colors in this mind space are truly melancholic and blue. I feel her depression and longing for sadness through this location. Clarke at the moment does not feel right at all, she is feeling down and she is losing hope.

2. The forest

Its totally the most dark place, therefore dark lights and night forest as the symbol of loss and deprivation. Its kinda blurry here too. The ruined throne of Lexa is her pain, which hides under the layers of self-control. There she loses her hope after fake memories of Bellamy. He is still that person, who has that strength and hope for her which she seeks. He is her last pillar of energy to survive and live, as the leader of her people. Because of him shes still trying.

‘You still have hope?”

‘Were still breathing’

But after the fake memories, she doesnt see any benefit to live as someone who can look for her people. Shes already dead, why bother?

3. The fighting pits and the Mountain weather.

Sharp and bright light. The fighting pits is another symbol of her guilt, though Bellamy forgave her, she coudnt do it herself. She didnt win her war with her demons. The BloodRena represent rage, anger for herself, crawled inside Clark. The Maya is the sigh of her moral system confused, her inner guilt for what she thought she would never have done as a child on Spacekru ship.

4. The home

The place where Clark feels most safe, focused and calm. Warm,

light colors and drawings not from her memories, bur from her feelings. The most significant drawings are Ebby, Madi and Bellamy. Its her family now. There she meets Monthy, there she finds her dad alive.

Its her heart in this home.

Her last hope is to live for Madi, as Monty reminds her. To be a mother to a child she raised. I mean, obviously, Madi is the last reason, why Monty as her mind protection appears. Monty was her friend, who truly figured that sometimes good and evil are twisted, and having burden of blood hands doesnt mean ure a bad person, but still means that its the best way to live and find peace.

There she is a ‘parent’.

Anyway, this Clark destination is to forgive herself and to start create something new through the ashes, to find something beside Madi, her people and Bellamy to live for. To heal and become more balanced.

Whats about Josephine?

Her line is connected to Clarke one, as their minds are tangled.

Let me say one thing, she is really hell of sociopath. I do not hate her as a character, but I do see the motivation of her behavior.

The thing is that in Josephine minds her father is the really important figure, affecting her the most through all stages of life. His voice is everywhere, in the library(her voice from childhood memories, calling him. reading letters). Through the door. He is shouting ‘The Sanctum is mine’. This pair could be compared to Odin and Hela relationship. Same spirit there.

Her brain structure is the library, completely rationalized and sorted. She doesnt feel mercy or regret, pity or happiness, pain or pleasure. She doesnt understand human emotions, as she is not able to comprehend them fully. By all sort, she is freaking genius(knows various language, deep in biology and science, gifted for art) but by the cost of her mental disorder. In her memories she adored herself so much that she could stop drawing her first body. She doesnt know what moral is. Its a blurry concept for her.

Her moral is to provide herself the immortality on all costs. She doesnt find it right or wrong to murder, to betray, to tortue. She doesnt care about anything but about herself. Not life of a newborn baby, her friends lover, her father could prevent her from achieving the goal. Its truly frighting and dreadful. She shouldn't be in the lead at all.

Read this to insure yourself that Jo is in fact sociapath https://www.mcafee.cc/Bin/sb.html.

And she knows that. Her hidden thing is the awareness on that. She doesnt accept it at all. She is savoring it, not trying to control or to restrict herself. Its caused by the trauma of guy who kills himself , but still not completely.

I also liked the referral to the predator behavior( dialogue of J and R, when they are haunting Clark), as the main concept of Lightbourne views.Besides, they regard science as the God for them, it means the complete refusal to moral question and ethics.

Josephin: I studied all species, insects are almost fascinated me the most,...ruthless. People theyre so messy, theyre too emotional.

Josephin: You, nulls, are more than worthless, you all don have positive value. You are less the useless. U delude the bloodlines...

So on.

From Clarks side theres a lot of talking whats right or what wrong, even with ALLIE. What defines God.

Its not a coincidence that she tells Monty about the God question, overshadowing Lightbournes things. About connection of moral and real life.

‘I dont want to decide for everyone, Just for myself’

Its a good thrust that through her mind projection of Monty she still thinks:

The end does not justify the means

Murder is still murder, whatever it brings after, peace or war.

She doesnt devalues the human life. Thats why Clarke is the best leader from the start. Her moral compass is always there to remind her that leadership should be based on clean hands, true intentions to help and grow, not in dark night, but in the light of a new day.

Clark also says: ‘Theres no joy without pain’.

For me, it sums up all of her personality. Meaning - to have something good, first sacrifice. To earn happiness you should feel the real anguish. But even after the pain, you are capable of finding hope and peace. Thats why she agrees to go with Monty and fight J.

That what differs Clark from Lightbourne.

She is still in a process of defining what decisions shed like to make, what person she should be. She senses and appreciates.

Lightbournes are in stagnation there.

The last few senconds

Bellamy is just the ‘heart’ all over the place. He is back to his natural statue.

That means head and the heart in work, which, I remind you, always the best.

Thanks for reading.

All the love :)

[nenastrology]

Please talk about johnny joestar he is my favorite jojo character and your brain is huge

anon you are the only one i respect i swear to god im constantly thinking about him.. ok this is going under a cut out of respect for everyone who follows me who doesnt give a shit about jojo or part 7 and its gotten horrifically long im sorry

see this is where me actually liking part 1 and having rewatched the non hamon battle parts like 4 times finally pays off because i can mentally go into constant excruciating detail about like the ways part 1 is reimagined and like how they are both essentially the disfavored son in comparison to a brother but like jonathan is given a conflict that can directly contend with his family issues like he can punch dio and work that out hes given a perfectly laid out heroic quest to solve his turmoil and also confront if dio really is like better than him johnny is given no like easily narrative closure to those similar fears he could never like prove if he is better than his like very human extremely normal brother like he couldnt beat him in a race and like be like tee hee im the better horse racer or something and like side note jolynes definitely given the best version of the narrative conflict tying into familial and emotional issues that she like is both coming to terms with her relationship with her father while also like fighting a villain with ties to dio and like understanding what he went through and like she also like becoming her own self and reconciling with him all that shit ok back to johnny..

genuinely hes like the only jojo with a real arc… like id say jolyne and hermes are definitely like prototypes for characters experiencing um development and their past issues with their family and whatever like being part of how they grow and like become closer and trust each other but like johnny and gyro are the finally realized conclusion of araki being dragged into learning what character development is idk i really love johnnys entire journey that like he finally has somebody who gives a shit about him and he has like something he actually cares about that like ends up pulling him out of his aimlessness and he discovers how ruthless and driven he can be it drives me absolutely insane how nobody seems to um get his character that hes like some soft uwu boy when hes like absolutely one of the most ruthless and definitely the biggest asshole of all the jojos like god its sooo funny how like jonathan and dio its like dio has all the asshole energy and also they grew up together so theres reason for the animosity but johnny and diego have the same level of asshole energy and johnnys first reaction to seeing a dude who beat him at horse racing a few years ago like probably mortally wounded is just like hm he can die i really hate that guy but they barely know each other nobody gets it man…

but back to other things god im sorry i mean you know how disorganized i am you signed up for this sending me this ask jsd;dks; idk like god the fact that the fights actually became vehicles for character development forcing johnny and gyro to each face their own fears and like come to terms with what they truly value really gets me like johnny finally able to like go from idk needing to just be selfish out of survival instinct because everyone who had cared about him rejected him and like being forced to pick between the like thing he thought was giving his life meaning (the corpse parts) and gyro who was actually what was making the journey worthwhile and like he really for a moment thought he couldnt do it like didnt know if he had it in him at like his lowest point there and like he realizes hes far stronger than he thought he was and that he ultimately will do whatever he has to for the people he loves which like all really comes full circle with the lil flashback in part 8 showing johnnys death like that sugar mountain saying those who lose everything will ultimately gain everything well he does finally get the corpse back and in his possession and when he finally has it like its purely to use it to save his wife and son and like his sacrifice both tying back to jonathan and erina and like everything he learned in the course of sbr like ugh ;w; its sooo sad but ultimately like the perfect ending even if im gonna go like weep now..

im really saying things and going nowhere i havent even gotten back to his father oh my god i really love that like after hearing his father be proud of him like he literally just rides away and ultimately doesnt finish the race that like its this weird odd melancholy way of ending the whole thing like he idk stops when he needs to stop and has like found his own self worth apart from his fathers approval also hm its very weird i think later on how his disability is written that like literally some of the first things johnny says in the entire story is that him saying its the story of him learning to walk again is not in the literal sense but in the metaphorical sense but then by i guess convention that araki got too lazy to figure out how to make some of the later fights work and i guess because he hates metaphors that arent pounded into ur skull cuz i guess if u are making the stupid choice to read jojo u are stupid enough to need everything spelled out for u he decided he needed some other way to signify johnnys growth and its just very awkward and weird when like the whole story is him becoming more at peace with his past and everything that has happened to him its lazy and stupid and whatever ok i literally am like forcing myself to stop typing because im feeling the deep shame kick in because i dont think ive written this much about any character other than like yusuke or sasuke probably and i feel like the little spray bottle in the back of my mind that activates when i think too hard about jojo but like ok ive said my piece you may ask me more specific questions if u want me to elaborate.. whatever stan johnny joestar… this whole text wall was me coming to terms with him probably being my favorite jojo..

[girinma]

i haven’t done one of these posts in a while but: thoughts on nier and nier automata

first off, i haven’t finished reading all of the nier side stories and nothing from the automata lore. but this is largely going to be thoughts on themes and comparing the two games rather than specifics.

i really like nier. its very much my aesthetic for post apocalyptic scenarios and i love the over-the-top yelling and breakdowns. i love how much lore it has even without getting into everything drakengard. i think there’s a lot of value from being able to go into the background so much while still maintaining a solid story on the surface. the games also have a quirkiness from multiple gameplay styles (more prevalent in the first game, though) that i think takes advantage of the medium.

i’m going to discuss some spoilers now so continue on at your own risk.

things i hate about nier: kainé’s outfit. it is infuriating. and no, saying she wears lingerie because she wants to avoid harassment for being intersex is not a valid reason because the character design literally. came first. read the interviews. she’s in underwear to be sexy first and foremost and isn’t a real person who can choose what she wears. ok mini rant over.

the concept for the spinoff from drakengard is just. so good. evil magic is spread through the modern world because of the portal from the other world. the desperate attempt to save humanity with magic after our weaponry is useless. just the fact that people get turned into salt is cool as hell.

nier’s reveal and the hints toward it were great. the enemies were just human souls the entire time! the mix of tech and magic! i love the characters and their interactions, even though much of their relationship feels... implied? like there’s more time between game events than there really are. weiss is so good. i’m a sucker for found family, what can i say. i like how the game is split into a pre-yonah-taken calm and then a more desperate second act. the ending b run is a nice addition though i wish there was more of tyrann to really make it worthwhile. c and d were dumb and should have just been on the end of b. overall i like the game, i like that original nier dooms the human race because his sister/daughter is going to die and the entire system depends on him to stabilize it. its fun. 

now what i don’t understand about automata is how much its written for someone who doesnt known anything about nier. like you cant say that humans are on the moon when we KNOW that true humans are dead and replicants had unstable genomes and magic couldn’t sustain them forever, and given the time gap... they’re dead. there’s also far less magic in this game, which i dislike but i guess is acceptable because i assume robots cant use magic in this world. i also miss the banter of the first game (aka i miss weiss. i love him) the true ending is also IDENTICAL to nier’s ending which is :/ i love how the story ends, however, with machines truly replicating humanity by also removing their “souls” from their bodies in a way.

i wish the plot itself had more to it? nier was very regimented due to the style with prophecies and such, but i wanted more from automata. the first half was interesting but i wanted more from adam and eve. the second half tho. oof. picked up exactly as i expected and i generally enjoyed it. a2 learning essentially the same lesson as 2b and 9s in the first part tho was kind of eh. i just think the aliens were thrown away too quickly and the reveal could have meant more at a later point.

game-wise, automata feels like it is what nier wanted. its a larger world, with full pov switches, and is overall a better game.

emil paragraph. so glad he was in automata and i cannot believe that the joke in the drama cd where AND THEN EMIL FOUGHT ALIENS became canon. also literally saddest thing is that HE PLANNED TO SACRIFICE HIMSELF FOR NIER AND KAINÉ BUT HE OUTLIVED THEM BY THOUSANDS OF YEARS AND DEFENDED THE PLANET BECAUSE OF THEM and then he lost his sense of self trying to protect the world.... and he did it all while gay. the icon.

the 9s/2b romance was weird and i didnt get where it was coming from. i liked 9s overall, though 2b was a little too much silent-protagonist which I GET IT she didn’t want to become attached. but she lacked the development of the other characters because she was so reserved. a2 felt like just a 2b that talked more. smush em together! i want a better female character here. maybe i’ll get more in 2b characterization in the extra material but rn im not really liking it.

overall i really liked these games and im going to enjoy digging into some more lore. i like nier itself better for the story, but its such an interesting world and the way automata carved out the space to tell its story was nice. gg.

[siorca]

hey gang, coming on in here to drop off my weird little megasound fic ive been working on for the past week now and felt compelled to complete. takes place in a g1 au (i guess) where the war doesnt fully get back up into the swing of things after they wake up on earth and the autobots are bored and nosy. also warning for a bit of sticky talk at the end but it’s pretty tame.

Megatron and Soundwave treated their relationship with as much discretion as they were allotted. They did not bother to cover it with secrets, but it was important to both of them to, at the very least, keep a high veneer of respectability. It would not do for the Decepticons to dissolve into catcalls whenever they were seen together, after all.

On Cybertron, during the height of the war, it had been easier to stay down low. The troops had been spread thin during that time, and any remaining under their command were far too busy to bother with what their commanders were up to. As time moved on, and the war grew more volatile, it became increasingly harder for them to find time for even a good night kiss.

Earth, however, presented them with an, admittedly, much sought after lull. Fewer large battles left them with only small skirmishes to deal with, ones which were becoming less and less frequent the longer they stayed on the planet.They found themselves coming together much more frequently - much more easily - than before, something that came as a relief to both of them. They rarely indulged in some of the more flirty aspects of their relationship - Megatron would grouse that they were much too old for such foolishness. Soundwave, older and far more enthusiastic, would beg to differ -but it was the companionship that was always the most fulfilling aspect of their relationship and it was a relief to have that back again.

Yet still, in the midst of a calm that Megatron had not felt in millenia, he was restless. He could feel a prickling under his plating; one that had very little to do with the organic mud that tended to get stuck between his seams. It was an instinctive sort of thing, built from habit. He did not like not knowing what the enemy was up to. He told as much to Soundwave.

“You never did well with these sorts of stalemates, my love,” said Soundwave, a touch of bemusement in his tone. It’s a soft sort of teasing, one that Megatron could do nothing but grumble about. His casualness was enough to bristle, but there was a cleverness to Soundwave’s optics; the only indicator that his words did not go unheeded.

They were refueling together in their shared living quarters. The domesticity of it was not lost on Megatron. Here, it was almost believable that they were back on Cybertron and all they had to worry about were simple and inconsequential. A cozy warm feeling curled within the pit of his tanks. He was tempted to forget his misgivings, but Megatron was nothing if not pragmatic. In war, when the enemy was quiet, there was need to worry, a fact that he had become aware of many times in his long career.

Soundwave, more than anyone, understood. It was this understanding that was calming, a balm to Megatron’s frazzled nerves. “Do not fret so much. I have reconnaissance out already.”

“Ah, I should have known better.” A good reminder of why Soundwave was not only his top spy, but also why he loved him so dearly. Megatron grinned coyly behind his cube.

“Of course. Do not doubt me.”

—

Laserbeak’s return was met with little fanfare; a quick check-in with Soundwave, before she made a beeline for the washracks. It was a little known secret that she loved to preen and being away on missions always slighted her, even if she never voiced her protests. A quick mention that she had procured some interesting files that he should take a look at and she was gone.

Protocol did not require them to converse; whatever information was crucial to pass along would be found in her report. If anything, their exchanges were more for Soundwave’s benefit: a small way to reassure himself that she was ok before she disappeared into the base.

For his part, Megatron was elusive. A quick sweep of the command center and the common areas left him with nothing. Soundwave was not concerned, although he did let loose an irritated huff. There weren’t many areas he often haunted. Megatron was nothing if not a creature of habit and it didn’t take long to track him down in their living quarters.

He paused in the doorway, disbelief converging into wry amusement. Earth had slackened Megatron’s resolve enough for him to idle within his quarters, datapad clutched in a slackened grip, while he looked to be half asleep. Soundwave privately thought it was quite cute.

The sound of the door snapping shut only served to applify the clinking of Soundwave’s mask retracting. Megatron jostled, straightening on the berth in an immediate display of attention. He relaxed almost immediately upon realizing it was Soundwave, who met him with a look of bemusement.

“Your comm is off,” Soundwave said, as way of greeting. His optic ridge was cocked in an exaggerated manner, twisting his face into intentional comical proportions. There was no respite in his voice, just clear amusement.

“Oh is it?” Megatron’s words were casual, with only the barest hint of alarm. He fiddled with the side of his helm until Soundwave could hear the barest hum of a frequency. He paused as he reviewed his recent pings. “Sorry about that.” He made a poor attempt to cover his sheepishness as he met Soundwave’s optics.

Soundwave shook his head dismissively, a smile tugging at his lips. He turned his attention to the datapad in his hand, if only to steer his thoughts back to more important matters.  He held it out in front of him for emphasis. “Laserbeak has returned with her report.”

He made a subtle turn back toward the door. Both of them knew that it would be preferable to have their exchange in a more appropriate setting; either Megatron’s office or the bridge, as normal protocol stated. Today, however, seemed to want to deviant from the norm, for Megatron waved him over airily, still lounging upon the berth like some sort of would be king.

“Well, bring it over here.”

Soundwave stifled a sigh. He silently mourned the waning professionalism in high command. It was only his deep love for Megatron that kept him continuing toward the berth, but it wasn’t enough to hide his mumbled, “I do so hate when you get like this.”

Megatron, at least, looked thoroughly scandalized at the reprimand, straightening on the berth to a more presentable position, sitting at the edge of the berth with his back ramrod straight. Soundwave snickered lightly. Megatron growled lowly in faux threat, reaching for the datapad with urgency.

“Together.” Soundwave sat next to Megatron, in a close, familiar position, sides pressed tightly together. He shivered; Megatron’s plating was always cold, a layover from his days as a miner. It warmed quickly as it ate up the heat from Soundwave’s own unnaturally warm frame. Together, they held an ambience that was comfortable and uniquely theirs. Megatron wrapped an arm around Soundwave, pulling him closer to his plating, and Soundwave gladly leaned into him, flopping into his lap like a large cat. He raised an eye ridge at the display, but otherwise made no comment.

Soundwave balanced the pad between their laps. The screen flickered to life soon after, a slew of files neatly ordered on screen. Largest, by far, was Laserbeak’s full report, carefully organized and detailed in her usual precise way. The files below it were tantalizing, as well, clear copies of whatever confidential information she was able to procure. Soundwave ignored them for now.

Her report consisted mainly of mundane scenarios. In the absence of proper battle, the Autobots had instead decided to invest into things like recreational activities, focusing on strengthening their bonds with their human allies. The Autobots did not look to be gearing up for a proper war anytime soon. He had suspected as much. Yet Soundwave would loath to come to a definitive conclusion before truly finishing, lest he let Laserbeak’s hard work go to waste. He read on, half a processor bored, leaning more into Megatron’s bulk as it went on. It wasn’t until the end that a lone addendum caught his attention. He stiffened, meeting Megatron’s optics with confused surprise.

The Autobots knew about their relationship and kept extensive records on it.

It was not the fact that they knew that was shocking - Soundwave would seriously question the legitimacy of their spies if they had not figured it out by now - but the sheer volume of information, as if they were specifically keeping tabs on their romantic entanglements for a purpose that Soundwave had yet to figure out. The information held no tactical value in his eyes. Even to use their relationship as a ploy in a hostage situation was a moot point; Megatron would be desperate to have him back regardless.

Megatron make a quizzical noise in the back of his throat. It bordered into something distressed until he rebooted his vocalizer. “Perhaps those files that Laserbeak stole will shed some light on this.”

Soundwave nodded, already fiddling with the datapad before Megatron finished his sentence. An eagerness had overcome him, presented with such a puzzle as he was. He opened the first file, optics skittering over the words with a rapid hunger. Information, he knew, could be wielded like a weapon, but how sharp that weapon struck depended on its owner’s might.

Luckily, Soundwave was adept at rhetoric, and reading only proved that said weapon was dull and lifeless and much more suitable to be used as a toy. How fitting.

He laughed, causing Megatron to give him an odd look. His brow was still furrowed as he digested this new development. A gifted orator he may have been, but Soundwave was designed to get inside a person’s mind in the quickest way possible. And the way the Autobots wrote about them was almost innocuous.

“They are fascinated by us.” A part of Soundwave was weirdly amused by the whole situation. It was provocatively invasive and he, who had left his misguided notions about privacy in some early decade of the war, felt titillated.

“What?” said Megatron, confusion melting away into disbelief.

“These are not high level security files, even if they are encrypted. These are more akin to gossip holos, clearly written out of boredom.” Soundwave selected another file, scanning through this one quickly.

Megatron snatched the pad back. In this new light, several things stood out to him. He paused. “I believe you are correct.”

“Naturally.”

Megatron wrinkled his nasal ridge, reading the pad with more intensity than before. He selected another file, giving an offended scoff at the first few lines. “‘It’s hard to believe that a mech like Megatron is selfless enough to love another, let alone someone within his command staff. It explains the blatant favoritism, I guess. Now I get why Starscream is so pissy all the time…’ what’s that supposed to mean?”

Soundwave snorted. “It means your fierce warlord persona is working, my dear.”

Megatron made a face that might have been smug, had the twitching of his face not give him away. Soundwave could read solid amusement, barely masked by a bit of unease, on his surface thoughts. Neither of them had ever given much thought to what others said about their relationship, ancient and comfortable as it was. What was theirs was theirs and it worked for them. Here, it is different; on display in a way that was voyeuristic. He can tell that there is a part of Megatron that is annoyed by this, but neither of them felt like engaging the Autobots in the matter of wartime gossip.

Instead, Soundwave snatched the pad back, rifling through it like an excited youngling, caught up with fascination. “‘To think that either of them could be so different behind closed doors is almost ludicrous to believe, and yet I’ve seen it with my own two optics. They fit together nicely, which is strangely nice to see, almost like a wall is broken the minute they are alone. It’s almost like looking into a parallel universe: Megatron is almost sweet and Soundwave? Soundwave is open and playful and not at all what we’re used to. If they weren’t enemies, I’d be jealous of their connection, and maybe I still am…’” Soundwave paused here. Meeting Megatron’s optics, as if they both came to a new realization. “Well, that’s oddly sweet.”

Megatron made a barely audible humming noise that may have passed for agreement, but was too absent-minded to really tell. He leaned over Soundwave’s shoulder, scrolling through the pad in a slow, thoughtful manner. “These all seem to be separate entries, compiled together, all written by different people.”

“Yes, I noticed that too. They have traces of several Autobot signals.”

Megatron narrowed his optics. “You would think we were the subject of some sort of Autobot romance novel.”

“Indeed. At least they have good taste,” Soundwave teased.

“I’m glad to see you at least find some amusement out of this,” grunted Megatron.

“There are worse things for the Autobots to become enamoured with. Be glad that they have yet to show this level of dedication to anything war related.”

“Hmm.” Megatron scrolled through the other files on hand. There was a substantial amount, pages and pages, all dating back to about the time that they had all awakened on Earth. It was unclear if the Autobots had known before that time, but they had certainly became fascinated by it by then. “I think the Autobots could find better things to do with their down time.”

“Do not begrudge them so much, Megatron. Perhaps they don’t have the luxury in their faction. You have said before that Prime could be a bit of a prude.”

Megatron made a humming noise. “Yes, I am aware. I feel no sympathy for them.”

Soundwave chuckled, leaning back into Megatron until they fell into the bed in an ungainly manner, Soundwave making quick work into contorted Megatron into a make-shift pillow. Megatron rolled with him, a rumbling purr shaking his chassis, passing pleasant shivers through Soundwave’s body. He shifted, draping himself over Megatron, chin propped up on his chest, datapad held in front of him in a way that Megatron could still read it if he dipped his head a certain way, of which he took full advantage of, still scrolling through the entries with a reverent greed.

Soundwave smiled indulgently. “I can tell that there is a part of you that is at least flattered.” It was the egotistical side, the only that got off on rousing speeches and demanded to be referred to as ‘Lord’ by his subjects. A part that he pretended that did not exist because he liked to believe that he was humble. It was endearing.

A barely legible smirk teased Megatron’s lips. “Perhaps.”

Soundwave snickered, freely giving the pad up to Megatron’s devouring hands. It allowed him to snuggle further into Megatron’s frame, of which he indulged in freely, drowning himself more fully into his sturdy frame. He could not resist a brush of lips over Megatron’s plating. He was rewarded with a gentle caress of his head and he smiled contentedly.

A relaxed silence settled between them, broken up by the gentle sound of Megatron’s thumb swiping against the pad. The noise was consistent enough to create a pleasant background noise, lulling Soundwave into a half doze. Megatron’s emotions danced in the back of his processor, as they always did when they were alone together; an open connection that Megatron embraced early on in their relationship. He could sense his amused fascination deeply, creating a pleasant warm feeling throughout his body.

This created a sharp contrast when that leaked into a near sort of offense, a bristle of something that wasn’t quite anger, yet still brushed against Megatron’s mind in an unpleasant manner. It was uncomfortable enough to stir Soundwave from his lounge, glancing up at Megatron’s otherwise stone face. His emotions bled out into the rest of his body, stiffening him in ways that motivated Soundwave to move in a quick manner. He gently moved Megatron’s hand down until he could view what was on the screen and promptly gave a sharp bark of laughter.

“‘Do you think Megatron is a valve mech…?’” Soundwave read aloud. “Now that would be a waste of a perfectly good spike.” He patted Megatron’s shoulder in a placating manner, rolling until he straddled Megatron’s hops.

Megatron scowled deeply at him, throwing the datapad toward the end of the berth. He unconsciously wrapped his arms around Soundwave’s waist. “That is entirely too personal.”

“I agree.” Soundwave lifted himself until he could reach Megatron’s brow, smoothing out the lines of his frown with gentle kisses. Megatron huffed, teetering on the edge of a full-on pout. “Perhaps if they are so curious, they would appreciate a demonstration next time they decide to pay us a visit.”

Megatron balked at first. Soundwave tilted his head with a devilish smirk, which succeeding in turning Megatron more thoughtful. His discomfort was momentarily forgotten, face falling into a predatory grin. “That would require more diligence in the future.”

“Of course,” said Soundwave. “I will get right on that.”

[baconpal]

so heres the long super paper mario post

strap in for why super paper mario is fucking bizarre and why that’s pretty much awesome

gonna be a good amounts of spoilers, so if you’re on desktop then hit that read more, and if your on mobile, then here’s your punishment for using this god awful app

super paper mario is a game that is incredibly difficult to put into words, but it leaves such a powerful, lasting impression on me and i can’t come to say anything first other than I love it so much, and if you havent played the game, please just go do it now, even if you have to pirate or emulate or something, just let yourself play this game. It’s one of those games that I really feel I can just recommend to anybody

it’s difficult to think of where to start with dissecting this thing so i’ll just start with the art since lookin at things is pretty easy

ART/WORLD DESIGN

every world in SPM is completely unique, not just in what type of environment, but it’s art style, and this is premised with the fact that none of these worlds are capable of existing together and are completely separate, and NOT part of a cohesive universe (LOOKIN AT YOU ODYSSEY I STILL THINK YOU LOOK STUPID)

The hub and the first 2 worlds are mostly just slight variants on the same general style of simplistic shapes and colors, with world 1 delving into more linework type aesthetics, and 2 focusing more on impressions and silhouettes, 

world 3 changes this completely with what is obviously an 8 bit kind of style, but instead of jarring over sized pixels, the world is composed of detailed tiles arranged to look like pixel art that imply a more real world, and not a gamey one, 

world 4 focuses on patterns and big patches of color to give the impression of the vast emptiness of both space and the surface of a barren planet, before giving you the “Whoa Zone”, with a striking mix of wire frame and futuristic UI style to it

world 5 takes the idea of nature being crude and simplistic and humanity being sharp, angular, and extreme and flips that on its head, with humanity and the space they occupy being these absolute memes with no sense of depth, and the plant life existing in a system of clean cut caves with futuristic technology and elegant historic values

world 6 simplifies a kind of colored Japanese painting aesthetic, down to the funny cylindrical cloud clusters and brushstroke trees

world 7 depicts what is essentially hell (yes there’s hell in this game keep your pants on) as a squarish blur of bright greens and warm reds and purples, and depicts heaven as fluffy land of clouds and Greek temples

and lastly, world 8 is inverted greyscale, where light is black and darkness is white, its simplistic and striking and i couldn’t think of a better style for the final area of a game so focused on the concept of light and dark

MUSIC

I’ll just try and keep it simple, the musics fucking cash money

The game makes great use of motifs when it needs to, where specific themes and instruments are used in other songs to suggest relationships and put battles and travels into perspective

And when it ISNT doing that, it’s just fucking funky stuff, with a weird trend of BOING and PLOP and SPLISH noises in the percussion because fuck you i guess

There’s a lot of good songs that do lots of interesting things, any of the like 5 final battle songs are great things to point to, but i’ll just go ahead and say the main theme of world 8 “Castle Bleck” is one of my favorites that isn’t super highly rated. It brings in the types of instruments that have been associated with the villain the entire game, but also throws in 2 very important things; a sudden triumphant burst of almost JRPG styled chiptune that pushes away the constantly building tension, which is then followed by the sound of a clock ticking, which is a musical motif only present in the songs “Memory” and “Promise” which is played whenever the memories of the player’s little guide thing and the main villain’s past lives together are alluded to. This one song holds a lot of weight, as well as simply being a fucking cool song.

GAMEPLAY

This is, sadly, the one place I’ll not mince any words and say the gameplay is not amazing by any standard, it’s pretty much a classic mario game if it had RPG stats, items, and random abilities granted through the character and partner systems. The 3D flipping mechanic is nothing astounding, though it is very interesting to see how worlds are constructed

One of the biggest flaws people will mark the game for in its gameplay is that it’s tedious, and while I have to agree, that’s because I’ve already played the game before, and the tedium only comes from not being completely invested in the experience anymore. I’ll get some specific examples in a bit, but there’s a few cases of “tedium” that i believe are 100% intentional and drive the story in an interesting way

STORY/WRITING/GAME DESIGN

Thats a fuckin broad section, but its pretty much everything else i have to say on the game, and where the most spoilers and random praise is gonna be

I’m not actually gonna talk about the whole story, more just the strong parts of it, under the assumption you’ve already played it or understand a story as simple as “villain wants to destroy world, hero wants that to not happen”

The writing and characters are just flawless, everyone is fun to be around, especially the bad guys, who you see more antics of than your own party. There’s goofy running plotlines about O’chunks and mimi essentially getting grounded and being forced to write essays about why they fucked up at beating mario, and big stinky brother dimentio teasting and bullying them and sneaking them out to do his bidding when The big Count Bleck is away

The game is full of referential humor to not just mario itself but all kinds of games, there’s skeletons in hell who are clearly just Marios from the mainline games who died in stupid ways, there’s an actual dragon quest turn based boss battle in hell too, and chapter 3 has an otaku villain who tried to get with peach in a simulated visual novel

but the humor exists not just in references, but in simple good scenarios, with things like “Having a game show in a bathroom when everyone's life is at stake” and “locating an ancient manuscript to use as toilet paper” or “flying through black holes to find a convenience store” and things of that nature

It also interacts with the players emotions in many interesting ways, one of the more lauded being chapter 2-3, where mario is forced into working off a massive debt of fictional money, and is required to do hard, boring labor. There isn’t anyway to avoid doing both the hitting a block 100 times and the running on a treadmill for a few minutes thing, but the constant feeling of “there has to be a faster way to do this” drives the player to prod around, find the secrets, and slowly discover how to break the system wide open and get to the end, and i love it for that

This entire game is some sort of bait and switch, to put it simply, while it’s already a bit of a departure from both mario itself and the paper series, the first 5 worlds are pretty fucking tame stuff, other than the void, which is a giant black and purple spot that sits in the sky, always, every single world has the void growing in its sky, and it does grow, every chapter it gets bigger and bigger and takes up the sky, but where this truly culminates into the “switch” part is chapter 6, which starts itself by presenting you with the most TEDIUS sounding chapter possible, fight 100 enemies in a row, and nothing else, and for 25 straight fights, that is all it is, so you’ve locked yourself into it at this point, you know whats up, but the void in the background begins to grow to the point of being the entire fucking background, and every enemy you face speaks as if they know they’re all going to die, and by the 30th fight, one of the villains comes to stall for time as the void completely swallows the world, and the party is sent back to the hub. When they decide to go back in to world 6, its empty, the entire world is a white void with a single black line making up the ground, and colorless destroyed structures occasionally peaking out of the ground.

and you walk on this white void for so long and you just feel nothing but regret and fear and no matter how fast you make yourself go you feel like you’ll never find anything, but you do eventually get your plot item and escape

then, Dimentio, one of the villains you’ve seen the least of, appears in the hub world, the safest place in the universe, and kills mario

he just fucking kills him

he puts mario in a box and fills the box with explosions and mario fucking dies and goes to hell because fuck you mario

then you go through all of chapter 7 just to escape hell (called the Underwhere cus how could we possibly be allowed to take hell seriously) and join up with your full party before confronting the final world, which i’ve already stated i just love the design off

the game just takes the comfortable ride you’re on and throws it into the fucking sun and burns you alive and i love it so much, even the very end of the game doesnt let up, where the main villain is overtaken by that absolute madman Dimentio (Whose name is a play on both Dimension and dementia), who clearly was powerful enough to have done the whole “ending of the world” himself, but did it this way for the theatrics of it

there’s a lot i could still say about the game, but this post is absolute rambling and its 2 in the morning but as usual, i just wanted to shit my thoughts onto the internet to people could maybe learn somethin about either the game or me and how i think and look at and respond to stuff, and as always, anybody who read this whole thing is cool and i love you a whole heck of a lot

[forethan21]

18/12/2020

To me love isnt about staying in a relationship or dwelling on a feeling. Love to me is bending but not breaking to compromise. It is the kind where you know when to let go in hopes to trust for the best to come, the kind where you empathise, showing vulnerability and completely surrender. (Remember when Jesus died for us in the cross? Diba he gave his all, his everything just so we can live. That should be a standard in our lives. To choose someone who would do anything to just be with us without questioning our worth. Never settle for someone who gives half of their heart. Its all or nothing.) The kind that is mature. Love is what you do despite of what you feel. The kind that fights for the good of someone else even if they never see the value or sacrifice that you did. (Thats what Jesus did. He never complained when he was on the cross. All the pain and burden he endured bc he loves us. And look at us now not even recognising how amazing he is. We took it this life for granted- some of us are wasting it, choosing people for our own accord and pleasure. Im saying this in general im not hinting it on anyone, but if the shoes fits then..) The kind that demands temporary surrender of security, giving up familiar bad habits and patterns, giving unrewarded works and efforts. The kind that challenges you in so many ways. Love wasnt made to be comfortable. It was made to show change and growth.

Not gonna lie tho i loved you for you and everything youve done. Those memories are dear to me bc i knew you tried no matter how difficult it was to love me in some days. Kaya gusto ko lng magpasalamat dun. Likewise, something i learned recently was that we should never question someone elses love for us regardless if it was inadequate. Bc i realised we should be thankful for the amount of love and care we receive from any person out there. Family, friends, lovers. That itself should be enough. Its not up to us how much love they should give to make us feel satisfied. That wouldn’t be love. The greatest love you could ever receive should come from you and the Lord not from anybody else. So i just wanna tell you that i take back those times i questioned your love. Bc what you gave was already enough.

Im sorry i couldnt wait for you to change. Bc i realised if you knew how to love me the very first time I wouldnt need to tell you anything. I wouldnt feel hurt bc im rest assured that you love me enough to know what to do. It didnt feel mutual to me.

When u came bck with your letter idk it seemed like there was something missing. Committment and plans. Maybe i was hoping that youd take me back but i guess it was the opposite. And maybe that was your answer after all. To tell me that you arent staying. I hope next time you go into a relationship po, you dont assume the worst. You dont jump into conclusions when it gets tough. Bc like anything can change if youre willing to do it. You need to trust the the other side will stay. It was the way your mindset was so fixed on the idea that I will leave. That i was making excuses. Ndi pow. I jst have standards. Oo tao ka lng, you make mistakes but how do i know tht youre not gonna make the same mistake again? Im jst protecting my heart po. I guess i dont wanna experience the same trauma again.

I hope someday na you will learn to see the good in people regardless if they did u wrong pow. (idk lng ha pero I dont think youve moved on sa ex mo pow. I feel like you havent fully forgiven her and accepted what has happened. I know it hurts to know that they betrayed you like that but your worth is not defined by them po. You did your best po and if she did not recognised that then thats her loss. This is partly what keeps u holding bck. Bc u didnt get closure. I hope you reflect on that and find the closure that you need po. Dont tell me you dont need one bc i know deep in your heart that it still hurts. Like bruh the fact na sure na sure ka na sa kanya u were ready to put a ring on her finger. You were hopeful and certain. I think it was meant to happen to test you both in your worst. You had your mistakes. She had hers. Dont you think you should close tht chapter of your life before starting a new one? Or more importantly, dont you think you deserve peace? Ill leave you to think bout tht). I wasnt trying to find something wrong jst to let you go. If i did i wouldnt put myself in a situation where I will lose my friends po.

Ethan i understand you. I understand your fear of giving too much to someone who youre unsure of and thats fine. But you need to accept the consequences of your mistakes. You need to take responsibility of it and what you couldve done to fix it. (Reflection is very important.) Youre not wrong for not knowing that but again you need to reflect in every situation in your life. It doesnt matter if you were right or wrong. Its important to do this bc the next time it will happen to you, you will know what to do. reflecting really helps you to step back and understand yourself, other people and the surroundings. It helps with analysing your own feelings, emotions and as well as understanding the depth of your own thinking. You need to consider other people’s feelings too. Understand their point of view and why they did things that way. 

I told you yesterday that what happened in the past does not define you. You may have done them so wrong but i hope your realise youre not in debt to them. I remember your story about what you did to the girl. Yung trauma mo sa kanya you gotta let it go pow. You dont need to blame yourself every day for something that youve no control of. You did it out of anger. and she threatened you bc she has her personal issues as well. She was showing wat kind of person she was. It does not put a label on u. So far as I know you havent apologised to urself for what had happened and u havent forgiven her for what shes done. Whenever youre mad po dont let your emotions get the best of you. Give space and time. Step back from the situation and reflect. count to ten and reorganise your thoughts and feelings. What happened? what made me feel that way? what can i do to fix this? 

The way i see it lng ha pero it felt like youre pitying yourself. And i want o reassure you that i recognised all you did to keep this relationship. The fights where you communicated with me, the times where you waited for me to explain, the support you give, and how you made me happy each single day. What youve done until this day is enough. I cant emphasise it enough. Ndi ko yun binalewala lahat. I saw your effort. Thats why i fought for u. Bc alam ko ndi ka ganun na tao. Kc alam ko na they have perceived you wrong. I saw the good in you. I saw that youre worthy of change. Everyone does pow. That was the purpose of it all.

But ldr is frickin hard. Being in a relationship is difficult enough let along ldr. Jst thinking about the amount of trust u hav for ur partner dang.. you need to fully invest on trust yo. How to overcome and resolve issues esp if theyre like me haha. Its hard for sure to do tht kc even ako may trust issues but it is possible. But as of now theres many areas in your life that you need to fix alone. Im not saying that im right ha. I could be wrong in so many areas about you that idk of but this is based on knowing you for months. im not saying you have a problem internally cuz we all have problems po What im saying is that there are some things we need to learn from others as well. Its a matter of listening and comprehending what theyre tryna relay and teach u.

Also asking for help isnt a weakness. (Idk but i cud feel you were mad that I reached out to your mother. Bro i know na kaya mo nman maging independent and i know na ayaw mo lng maburden yung parents mo with your problems on top of theirs but its gud that alam din nla ang anak nla is struggling and needs emotional support.) Its realising that we are deserving to feel and be emotionally supported. so dont ever feel bad for reaching out and admitting that youre struggling. after all were only human.

Though i never said anything i lowkey promised that I would not give up on you (sinsabi ko sa sarili ko to) bc i wanted to show you what its like for someone to stay. You told me about your past and struggles and i did everything i can for that not to happen again. You told me what broke your heart and I nver wanted you to feel anything like that in the relationship. More like i ensured that my intentions for you are pure. But somewhere along the way i came to realise that we both need to grow seperately. Not bc i gave up on you but bc i decided to think about myself and what i needed. I dont wanna text you and talk to u bc i respect you that much to know that this isnt the right time for both of us.

Being the way i am right now is for the best. Were both healing and getting the peace we need. God knows what Hes doing with us and i keep you in my prayers at night. Maybe someday down the line well meet again, at the right time. God will decide tht for us but for now ill be supportive of you in the silence. I dont wanna be civil cuz i know itll jst hurt you more esp since you have strong feelings for me. Dont worry my love for you will remain unconditional. But one thing i cant promise tho is that idk if my love for u will stay. We dont know what the future will bring. We may find our happiness in diff places. We may find it together. But all i know is i trust God to dictate my life. Thank you Ethan. Kahit paano i felt your unconditional love din. You can text me anytime if you need anything. Ill be here nman pow.

[foodhx]

I havent written in a very long time. Im grateful i wrote previously and have something to look back on. So much has changed. S and i broke up. Its been more than a year, depending on how you count it, maybe 1.5 yrs.

Im not sure where im going with this, or in life. There were things i believed in before, had hope and ideals. I havent any hope now, i dont know what to hope in (apart from God). Its been like this for a while. What does it look like to hope in God now?

Ive ended up in a specialty i didnt plan on going into. What’s done is done. But the learning point is, it would have been better to take more time to rotate around before deciding, because it was an emotional, impulsive decision (felt way too rushed, i knew this even at the time of applying). It wasnt a peaceful decision, the way such “life-defining” decisions should be made. It was an emotional time - literally six days after S sent that message to break up with me, my boss texted to ask if i was still interested in applying. Im deeply grateful for the opportunity he gave me which i didn’t and don’t deserve. I should have a word with him at some point. On a side note, im deeply grateful that this dept and the people i work with now are mostly of incredible Godly character, a very unique and irreplaceable quality in a workplace.

So much has fallen apart. My career, and the relationship with the person who became my best friend over the course of 7-9 years. It felt unreal, standing there watching everything explode. I couldnt believe what was happening. I never expected things to explode this way. I never expected myself to leave, and i never expected him to leave. He didn’t mean to be cruel, but i experienced it as such, through the whole months of me begging. Especially at the point where he physically walked out on me and closed the door when i was crying hysterically - not to be overdramatic, but it felt like pure coldness to do that to my uncontrollably hemorrhaging heart (like watching that aorta spurting on cardiothoracics). He still thinks choosing not to carry on is right and directed by God, which i doubt. He declined reconciliation despite months of my sincere apologies, pleading with him and my attempts to remediate where i screwed up (he hasn’t made an effort to reconcile with me in 1.5 yrs, cos he’s lost faith in our relationship and, it seems, me, entirely. Unfair as it might feel, that’s the way he feels). All in all, the break up was devastating. I’m still disoriented and trying to find my feet.

Ive significantly lost respect for him, because of his choice not to carry on and to, well, give up on us. I feel that this was more an emotional decision than a decision based on a true seeking of God, true dying to self and true obedience, especially to certain biblical instructions (love your neighbour as yourself, in humility value others above yourself, the relationship as an expression of love for Christ “what you did to the least of these you did to me” rather than a competition for love for Him, 1cor13).

I feel his decision to give up, abandon and betray is not biblically based, even if it can be justifiable by a twist of verses (he justifies not carrying on as him “putting God first”). I feel his decision was driven more by his hurt that i broke up with him, over text, last feb, and my cheating on him in july, than a real, honest, self-challenging attempt to “put God first”. I feel the decision not to carry on came more from his hurt over what i did to him than a true excavation of what it means to obey God and seek Him first. Its not necessary to leave someone whom youve built up a relationship with in order to put God first. Its arguable that being there for one’s friends IS putting God first, rather than leaving them because you can’t deal with it emotionally (greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends).

E says that its never so simple as “i heard it from God”, its all a mix of (sometimes sinful) human emotions as well as right-minded intention to follow God. How much of this move is driven by God vs his own human uncontrollable emotions? I doubt he’s admitted the whole truth to himself or me.

But i think his hurt is valid. It definitely is. He says he still doesnt feel whole coming out of 2019 and how i broke things off with him over text in feb and how i cheated in july. I’m not sure what he feels because i cant identify, but he says he doesnt want to deal with the pain with me because it was caused by me, and he’s not ready to talk to me (“can’t deal with it”). He tried to forgive me at the time, attending counselling with me, but gave up after 2 sessions. So i guess i can believe there may be a part of him that could want to work towards a friendship at some point (tho this is thrown into doubt at times, because of our apparent fundamental and irreconciliable differences). On my end, I feel that ive given him the benefit of the doubt many times, and hes always disappointed me in this process, since the break up. He’s never showed up or been the bigger person.

I could give him time, or i could end things. I could give him time to process what he needs to, and give him the chance to potentially engage with me the right way at some time in the future.

Should i, though?

Well, yes and no. Part of me knows he will only ever disappoint me cos thats all hes ever done consistently. The other part of me wants to give him the benefit of the doubt and just let him process things in his own time because its destructive to operate with such cynicism. One is overly cynical, the other is overly hopeful, and both responses arent centred.

Overall i just dont want to think about this anymore. I just want this whole thing out of my mind.

But is that enough for me to cut him out completely and forever? When i ask him, he replies that he wants to be friends but doesn’t know how or when that could happen. He isn’t at all invested in this “friendship”, even if he says its what he wants. He thinks God needs to encourage it or something before he will put in the effort... its all so screwed up cos of his ridiculous view or way of hearing from God that’s so mystical and non-bible based. I honestly feel really disgusted by him. He has been asking me not to contact him for a long time, more than a year. I’ve agreed to honour that. Mainly out of an understanding that he’ll never change, and ive outgrown him and his cuckoo ideas about how to hear from God. I know even if we become friends in the future, he’s gonna be the exact same dud - and why would i want to go back to that? Even as a friend. My basic requirements for friendship are that i respect the person and they respect me back. He absolutely does not respect me, and i absolutely dont respect him. Even tho we pay lip service to each other in emails for the sake of appearing holy and peace loving, we each are 100% convinced we know better. I don’t see a friendship here. I see disgust. I see contempt. Its beyond repair. And theres no instruction from God to repair it. So it will lie unrepaired for life.

Thinking about him makes me get into unpleasant thoughts and feelings. I dont have the exact words to describe how i feel. Not quite just anger (im over the peak of that), not really sadness (i do feel its sad that i still care about him and think about him so much when he wants nothing to do with me and wants me to not contact him - i mean, i dont have a practice of asking people not to contact me indefinitely, i think its rude, unfair and cruel), not just superiority cos i do admit i dont know everything and God works in mysterious ways and He still establishes a relationship with S even tho there is likely disobedience and misguidedness in S that he may never ever come to realize in this life). Its not purely a sense of betrayal as i walked out first - i knew he wasnt what i wanted, cos he wasnt loving me, or kind, or Christlike in his countenance towards not just me but everyone around us. I shouldnt just have walked out i should have pointed us to God, but there you have it. I dont regret ending things cos i know if i had continued we would be in a worse place than we are in now, where im stuck in an unhappy relationship out of obligation and fear of being alone. Its better to not be in a relationship than to be in one where you arent respected or loved.

I would say this whole event has had an impact on my relationship with... effort and commitment? Knowing you can try your best and have everything still fail. I used to believe in the “power of my dreams”. That i could get anything i wanted if i wanted it enough. But ive learnt that where the outcome is dependent on things outside my control (eg other people, genetics, politics), just trying my best and bringing my best intentions isnt enough. Its something but it doesnt guarantee an outcome - nothing can. You can say God can guarantee an outcome, but i would be cautious to believe only what He’s given in the bible and some revelations that are consistent with that and have been confirmed by wiser believers than myself, and those who know me well.

I have to hope again. And i have to stop wallowing and being selfpitiful. No. I have to hold myself to a higher standard.

The between places.

To focus on the next right thing - passing anatomy and being punctual. Seeking God, esp in my work...

[jasonblossomsghost]

0-44 please :)

0: Heighti’m 5′3 :)

1: Age182: Shoe sizeUS men’s 5, US women’s 6-7 (if anyone wants to buy me some new adidas i like the white and black classics)3: Do you smoke?my asthmatic ass? i think not4: Do you drink?nope5: Do you take drugs?i’ve considered it but nah6: Age you get mistaken fordepends but usually 13-15 7: Have tattoos?ya i got a temporary one on my shoulder its lit8: Want any tattoos?in the future probably but idk i dont like the idea of permanence

9: Got any piercings?not even my ears10: Want any piercings?not really. im not a fan of jewelry11: Best friend?her name is mady and i love her12: Relationship statussingle but with a toxic pissbaby clinging to my leg13: Biggest turn onspassion, talent, thermodynamic equilibrium/always warm (im a cold hoe), funny, smart, honest, loyal, etc etc14: Biggest turn offsexcessive jealousy (like a lil jealousy can be cute but if ur up my ass constantly i feel like u dont trust me ygm?), dishonesty, codependency, infidelity15: Favorite movieScott Pilgrim vs. The World16: I’ll love you if...you’re nice to me and hold my hand17: Someone you missnot to be gay but i havent seen mady in like a week so i miss her a lil bit18: Most traumatic experiencemy first memory is a grown man almost suffocating me so probably that lmao19: A fact about your personalityi’m a fucking disaster but at peace with it20: What I hate most about myselfi don’t value my own needs as much as i should21: What I love most about myselfmy sense of humor tbh. multiple people have told me theyve gotten funnier just being around me and it makes me feel good22: What I want to be when I get olderi plan on being a lawyer but i just wanna be financially stable, in love, and happy23: My relationship with my sibling(s)i’ve got 7 lmao. my relationship with my oldest sister is nonexistent, with the second oldest sister its just awkward, my older brother is a nazi so i fkn hate him, i constantly fight with my sister whos a year older, i parent my little sister while she calls me a bitch/cunt/twat, and i dont have a relationship with my two younger brothers24: My relationship with my parent(s)dont have one with my dad. my mom and i have a Not So Good relationship where she yells at me for no reason then feels guilty but instead of saying sorry just lets me leave the house25: My idea of a perfect datei havent been on a date in so long honestly someone take me out but anyway, breakfast at my favorite restaurant (its a vegan/gluten free place and ya boi has a lot of food intolerances but it also has really beautiful art and a garden) then going to a museum or my favorite bookstore. also maybe a park at some point?? idk if i love the person they could take me grocery shopping and id be happy26: My biggest pet peeveslying, cheating (on partners, not tests), and people who dont understand personal space27: A description of the girl/boy I likei could describe the person i unfortunately like but ill discuss him in 28 so have a description of the boy i have a small crush on instead. his name is Sam and hes super nice??? and smart??? and really funny??? but also so talented at music like the second i heard him sing i was in Love. i made him a present (it was just a dumb joke not like an actual present) on the last day of the semester and he decided to skip that day. i texted him and he deadass showed up to school just for me??? i was honestly dazed for the rest of the day28: A description of the person I dislike the mostlike i said, i unfortunately like him. hes at least borderline emotionally abusive and generally makes me feel shitty. hes hot tho /:29: A reason I’ve lied to a friendi’ve been trying to be really honest but ?? maybe so they wont worry about me?? idk30: What I hate the most about work/schooljust the stress tbh31: What my last text message says“be busy during that time” (from Mady about avoiding the guy from 28)32: What words upset me the mosthonestly just anything thats needlessly negative??? like idk life is too short to be an asshole the whole time33: What words make me feel the best about myselfwhen anyone compliments me tbh like if youve ever complimented me i love you34: What I find attractive in womentheir smiles and eyes and just how nice they are??? they always look cute?? and its fucking magical?? fuck dude girls are amazing. also like physically i appreciate nice thighs tbh like,,, damn35: What I find attractive in menwith guys tbh if they can make me laugh and are genuinely nice people im !! if they give nice hugs its a bonus. also its stereotypical af but tall boys are So Nice (like everyones tall to me tho so im not talking strictly 6 ft+)

36: Where I would like to liveCali maybe?? idk just a place where i feel safe being who i am37: One of my insecuritiesuntil July i was overweight like my whole life and recently ive been gaining and losing weight like crazy so just how much i weigh i guess?? idk like i Know it doesnt matter but it Does38: My childhood career choicei wanted to be a teacher or psychologist39: My favorite ice cream flavorprobably birthday cake tbh40: Who I wish I could behonestly i just wanna be me but happy41: Where I want to be right nowat a park maybe with a nice human42: The last thing I atefruit snacks43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediatelyLaverne Cox44: A random fact about anythinguh i keep a poetry journal that i write in almost daily

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

I am extremely curious how dumb this loser has acted this time if your whole fam is like >>>>>>>>

BRUH IT IS TEA TIME

and upfront as i said in the tags, this isn’t super hot scalding tea like the time he cheated, but just dumbfuckery and him not wanting to learn while also being an ass. so yeah no biggie just idioticy but like.... i also hate his guts so lmao so i mentally make it all worse in my head cause i hate him

so my sister and bf work together cause he is kinda creepy and keeps switching jobs when she switches jobs so that he can work with her btw did i tell you he is very controlling and obsessive about her whereabouts he even called my mum once when he couldnt find her on the tracking app that he wanted her to have on her phone ANYWAY also working as a waiter at the same restaurant

and disclaimer: working as a waiter or not having the highest grades do not make you dumb. sheer and utter incompetence to grasp that you’re an idiot and not wanting to improve makes you dumb. he’s the latter.

also context: my entire family has worked in wait staff

BASICALLY he absolutely fucking sucks at his job up till the point where my sister can’t handle working with him and again, it’s his first time waiting tables so he can learn BUT THIS BITCH has the audacity to command my sister all the time and boss her around when my sister points out that he sucks

and we all go: “this is kinda rude and unreal, cause he has no business acting so bossy when he doesn’t even put any effort in his work”

sis: “yeah but he is just trying to be kind he doesn’t want to be bossy or rude”

us: “.... GIRL if he can’t wait tables that is fine but when you call him out on it or want to help him, he gotta know that you know better”

and tbh my entire fam is just like... HOW can she not see this? like, she talks about the crappy stuff he does at work (like rudely yelling from 2 metres apart to guests: “yo, you guys done? want the receipt?” when my sister asks him to ask if guests want the receipt) and she keeps asking for confirmation that she’s not bad for thinking he’s bad at his job (“you guys think that’s weird too, right? i mean, you shouldn’t do that, right? so you say it’s rude, okay, right? i am not wrong in feeling uncomfortable and embarrased, right?”)

so we confirm that it is just bad manners but that he can learn like we all did, since waiting tables is a skill (which, as you read, he puts no effort in), but she still just.... idk... i sometimes thinks she doesn’t want to admit that he is just not the perfect guy that she wants him to be. and she knows that he isn’t perfect. one thing that i GENUINELY admire from my sister is that she does not put up with all the crap he pulls (altho... i also dont understand why they just haven’t broken up yet like when will she SNAP). but yeah, she immediately jumps into his defense and i just think that it’s shitty. she knows he’s being unnecessarily rude and that she knows better. we confirm that multiple times. and then she immediately goes “oh but no he isn’t commanding he’s just- he doesn’t know better”

... babe

also since this guys is so unnecessarily obsessive about my sister’s behaviour and he continuously criticises her for little things she likes, i also just cant fucking stand him having the sheer audacity to act controlling and commanding over this. but he’s also a fucking cunt so i couldve seen it coming so me being surprised is on me i guess

basically i felt my braincells diE  every time my sister talked about how bad he is at his job and AGAIN it’s a skill that you can learn and i can imagine that he just never was in that environment before but just the lack of motivation to even try to learn is YIKES to me, especially since my sister is the most driven person ever. she works hard for things she wants. she flaunts her knowledge. i mean do i think she’s stupid for taking him back in the first place, yeah, but apart from that i cannot emphasise how competent she is

but this relationship just also brings out the worst in my sister and the gap in competence makes it worse and worse

WHICH LEADS TO PART 2

his sorry ass hasn’t finished high school after failing several times and AGAIN that does not make a person less valuable (academic pretention is yikes), but he doesn’t even try and basically me and the fam believe he is straight up lying now cause he was supposed to hear if he has finally graduated around a month ago

my sis: “oh, he said he hasn’t gotten results yet”

us: “.... you know that all high schools are closed since the year has ended and that summer vacation started 1 week ago and that the test happened more than a month ago”

my sis: “YEAH but there’s less strictness and more extensions due to corona”

me: “yeah true but i just did a 5 second google search and even the extended deadline is over”

fam: “has he at least applied for further education??”

sis: “well no but he says he still has time”

me: “YEAH and ANOTHER 5 second google search showed that that extended deadline ended 2.5 months ago”

AND AGAIN your scholary achievements do not make you any less value bla bla bla, but he had A WHOLE DAMN YEAR to do one subject and even my sister said that it’s super easy and she doesnt get why he hasn’t passed it, but he just did nothing and he knows that my sister finds it very important that he can at least do something cause again she’s super driven and it makes her feel bad of her achievements

which is a RED FLAG. you know, women having to tone down their achievements in order to not outshine men’s fragility cause they don’t want a woman to be better than them

but i think she just realised that he’d been lying and yeah we all felt kinda bad for her, cause she doesn’t deserve that. she left and me and my parents just looked at each other like “would he lie about something so big?”

all of us collectively: “YEAH”

... i mean, he lied about cheating

i just for once want him to stop lying with his hypocritical ass. this bitch lies all the damn time but the moment he finds out my sister called a boy a year ago before they were dating, he needs to hear EVERYTHING (lol about that one time he tried to expose my sister for talking to a guy regularly even before they were dating.... it was our cousin Bobbie). so yeah he needs to know everything or he gets super weird but he can lie about shit like this (and cheating cause truly i wont be surprised if he’s done it again tbh)

and ugh this is a messy reply but just.... 

I FIND HIM SO STUPID FOR THIS and i feel so bad for my sister cause i can imagine that it’s not nice for her to hear all of this either, but FACE IT, this dude hasn’t tried to do shit for a year and now he’s lying and it just makes me so damn mad and she needs to hear it

i feel like this isn’t even the worst thing he’s done cause not knowing how to wait tables does not make you a bad human being, but this relationship is so incredibly unhealthy and toxic that ive reached a point that i am even worried for his well-being (and i FUCKING HATE HIS GUTS). this relation makes both of them so vile and it shows their worst and toxic sides, and i know my sister only does it to show him how unhealthy his behaviour is, but come on COME ON one day she’s gonna snap/

so these things just make it all worse for them in the bigger picture and either he gotta clear up his act or they just gotta break the fuck up

since i have no hope in the first possibility, im gonna join my grandma in praying for the second one

and that’s why we’re all like >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>