#and she just refuses and it’s making me crazy bc either do it or leave me alone

[ravenofsilver]

I love my partner I really do but tonight she’s driving me to fucking tears but if I say anything then I know I’m going to be the Bad Guy and I just.

Just wanna scream.

[foreststarflaime]

Me and @stargazing-zani were bored so have this list of what partner pokemon the ff7 crew would have

The Banora boys get the Applin variants. Genesis gets a Flapple and Angeal has an Appletun

Genesis also tries to deflect attention onto his much flashier Ceruledge in public tho

Angeal was also given an Aegislash by his father which he nicknamed Buster. Buster has seen too much as it’s passed down to Zack and then Cloud in turn, watching its partners suffer but unable to form the words to comfort them

Hojo tries and tries to get Sephiroth something big, ultra-powerful and intimidating, but Seph is set on the adorable Mew which found him and refused to leave his side. Still a mythical so Hojo lets him keep it but is very miffed

Cloud was adopted by a Galarian Zapdos bc chocobo. I don’t make the rules. I do feel like the character arc the Sobble line goes through fits him really well tho

Zack has an unevolved Rockruff for quite a while. When it eventually does evolve, no matter what time of day it is, it will inevitably evolve into Midday Lycanroc because Zack’s sunny personality is overwhelming

Aerith has a Tinkaton. They’re perfect for each other

I don’t know how to explain it but Mudsdale gives me Tifa vibes, also it was a powerhouse when I had it on my team and I love it

Hojo created a Mewtwo bc all other pokemon rejected him, but it immediately turned on its creator and murders him violently, preventing all problems and fixing everything without the need for time travel

Insane Seph got a Deoxys bc creepy alien. Maybe it is Jenova in this universe and starts corrupting him as soon as he gets it driving him insane

Rufus gets a Houndoom bc that’s basically what Darkstar is anyways

Cait Sith is basically just Meowth already, I don’t need to do much here. Maybe Perrserker to be the version from the Scotland area Pokemon game

Alternatively for Reeve I feel like Duraludon works, bc urban development and it reminds me of the Neo Midgar concepts

Heidegger gets either a Skuntank or a Granbull, idk which but vibes

Hehehe Vincent has a Cofagrigus

I bestow upon Yuffie the honor of Thievul. Loved it on my team and they both have the little shit vibes. She would also be an evil team grunt stealing everyone else’s pokemon tho, and honestly good for her go crazy Yuffie

I know for Kunsel it’s always the hack-y technology vibes. But consider. Always hiding behind a mask, never see his face. Mimikyu

Barret? Absol. Avalanche, impending disaster, perfect

I feel like Rude would like Urshifu

It would be absolutely hilarious to me then if Reno just had an Emolga

Scarlet with a Metagross

Why is Tseng so hard. Inteleon perhaps for the spy-y stuff

For Veld maybe a Wishiwashi for the Turk’s whole stronger in numbers found family thing

Oh dear god while writing this I thought too much about the implications of SOLDIER still existing in a world where pokemon battles replaced normal fighting. Maybe it was an experiment to splice human dna with pokemon to get humans to be able to fight using pokemon moves too? So like you go up against a SOLDIER, faint all 6 of their pokemon and think yay I’ve won, and then the SOLDIER just starts going after your pokemon themselves. They are their own 7th pokemon

[midnightmayhem13]

Loves me like im brand new

how our girls show affection! enjoys loves🩶

carol danvers

carol loves making you laugh. she'll find anyway she can to cheer you up. hearing you laugh is hearing an angel laugh. trumpets from heaven. your insecure? carol will kiss every part of your body and complement each and everyone. you failed a mission? carol will show you how amazing you are and how youre the baddest bitch she's ever met. she's a goofy person and will never fail to make you laugh or smile. or when she see that pout that she finds adorable but doesn't want to see often, she attacks you with kisses. you make her feel happy and like herself again, all she wants to do is make you happy. and oh lord you better watch out for the tickles if you don't feel like talking. but carol will always respect you if you want space. you two are very patient with eachother and give eachother time to think if one of you is upset. if carol could make you smile forever, she would.

sharon carter

this girl cannot help but spoil you. she's got money and you're the love of her life, why not? you try to refuse something when it's way too expensive. but she'll beg for you to accept it. but she loves buying you simple things. your favorite flowers, favorite food, if your talented with a specific weapon she buys you personalized versions of them. she doesn't only do this bc she thinks your worth every penny in the world, she gets some pleasure out of it. she loves buying you skimpy but beautiful dresses, lingerie, and that one perfume that drives her crazy bc it's your signature scent. sugar daddy vibes? sure. she'll look at you two through the mirror, hands wrapped around your waist and her face in your neck. leaving kisses wherever she can reach. admiring her girl. she also loves buying fuzzy blankets and soft pillows for your cuddle sessions. she'd spend forever in your arms if she could.

darcy lewis

your doctor lives for physical affection. it doesn't even have to be the traditional kiss or hug. women will bite you and lick you. and not even in a sexual way. she just wants to, and you look very yummy. but she'll melt when you hold her and kiss her head. her perfect day would consist of her laying on top of you while your holding her tight and planting kisses all over her face. when she's bored and youre near she'll just hold your arm and lean her head against you. every time you guys are next to each other you have to be holding hands. not buts. but if your not familiar with physical affection, she'll take it slow and work you up. but soon enough you'll be all over each other. and she'll sit in your lap. she doesn't care who's around or if there's a seat already next to you, your lap is her chair. if you wrap your arms around her waist and give her neck and shoulder kisses she'll internally scream. cuddling is an everyday thing for you to. you to also fall asleep as if you were puzzles. you fit together perfectly, so close only leaving little room to breath. and you guys do almost everything together and want to be together all the damn time. she's crazy for you, and so are you.

nebula

now, nebula struggles with showing affection. she never got it as a child or when she grew up either. other than gamora stuff hugs. but she's learned she loves holding and staring at you. she's never seen something so beautiful, so naturally she must admire it. from afar, from up close, hell even photographically. (big word for elmo) when she find out you like her touch, she holds you protectively any chance she gets. whether it's holding your pinky with hers or her arm around your waist, she won't waste a chance. when you fall asleep in her arms she'll stare at you. eyes full of wonder. wondering how such a thing could be so gorgeous. how she could ever deserve you. as much as she admires you, she cannot stand when other people look at you. with not a single of hint of attraction or love or anything, only her. only she can look at you like that. how dare they stare at her girl. youre hers and she doesn't share.

maria hill

while maria doesn't do the best job at focusing on her needs, especially while working, she makes sure your healthy. she makes sure you eat properly, drink enough water, stretch before you workout or go on a mission, and definitely getting enough rest after every mission. injured or not. you care so much for her and bring her lunch and constantly refill her water bottle and replace her coffee with a protein shake or yet again, more water. or dragging her to bed when she's working after work. she can't lose you, so she makes sure to take care of you. omg she goes crazy when you get sick. your immediately put on a schedule. lord help anyone who's there with you if you get hurt on a mission. she'll immediately make them work out and train with nat or steve so they'll be sore as hell. or she'll train them. they'll be shaking just after one set. but hearing you say your okay or 'everything is gonna be okay' calms her immediately. you'll sometimes sneak to her office and give her massages and kisses. you ground maria nd she's not big bad shield commander around you.

kate bishop

kate loves spending time with you. seeing your smile helps her know everything will be okay. you two often go out to walk lucky and bring a pizza along and sit and play fetch with your fluffy friend. or you guys have movie nights, holding eachother close, surrounded by blankets, of course devouring some pizza. i feel like she's a lil messy eater when her moms not around. so you kiss pizza sauce off her lips. ever since she got involved with clint you two spend any free time together. it can range from extravagant dates or a walk in the park whilst sharing headphones. when you guys aren't together you video call or just regularly call. but thanks to your job you can see her often. (avenger reader?🤷‍♀️) but you two have match bracelets omg. you guys made them one day when you built a pillow fort in her apartment. you guys also workout together and train together. you two are gonna get married one day

a/n my hopeless romantic ass enjoyed this too much anyways have a good rest of your day guys🩶

[theerurishipper]

One thing that just isn't letting me go is that even all of season 5 goes out of its way to proof over and over again that Maribug in s4 having prioritized her partnership with Alya and making herself a team of 17 miraculous holders over Ladynoir was the wrong way to go.

Season 5 shows that, actually NO, Ladybug does NOT constantly need all kinds of other miraculous holders, Ladynoir as a PARTNERSHIP is more than enough to even go up against akumas with extra miraculous powers.

Ladybug doesn't need Rena secretly hidden somewhere as her actual main partner, she needed Chat.

The Resistance is almost utterly useless in s5 if it wasn't for Ladynoir getting seperated again in "Kwamis choice" and "Representation" (they even set LB and CN on the wrong path in "Illusion")

It's crazy how s4 was out here DEMANDING that Maribug is doing not a single little thing wrong by constantly ditching Chat Noir on the battle field to execute her actual plans with almost always unnecessary temp heros, while barely communicating her plans with him or just not spearing him any thoughts even when he's left behind on the battle field to take whatever he's being put through emotionally and physically while trying to survive all alone, so Ladybug herself can leave safe and sound and return and win looking cool with others.

And now the Resistance barely had any use in s5 either (for all it is, Chloé's akuma in Kwamis choice wasn't even important). What did Maribug waste all that time on the oh so necessary team for when "Recreation" couldn't make it any more obvious that all Ladybug ever needed was CHAT NOIR?

She was given the Resistance and every other hero they met around the world in exchange for Adrichat and they all were beyond fucking pointless. Nothing but visual spectacle with no actual purpose. And then of course Marinette becoming Bug Noire, loosing bc she was all alone and tried to connect with Gabriel to solve all this, bc - you guessed it - she didn't had her partner Chat Noir by her side.

It's stuff like this that makes season 4 even worse bc that season refuses to portray Maribug as anything but 100% justified and correct for doing EVERYTHING on Chat Noir's expense and yet the end result of season 5 still keeps it consistent that she did it all wrong. The just just refuses to own in bc Maribug being wrong is something that OPTIONAL for the viewers to ackowledge.

Especially "Penalteam" after "Kuro Neko" is the worst offender in this. Yes, that episode WAS about teamwork, but looking at it now it's so fucking obvious that it should have been about LADYNOIR healing and not being yet another Chat Noir torture porn episode so Ladybug can build an unnecessary team of 17 miraculous holders while letting Akuma Chloé have her way bc Marinette agreed to play entirely by her rules to use this opportunity to cement how "amazingly justified" she is for prioritizing the unnecessary team over Chat and actual effectiveness. Making it so much harder for herself than necessary and then using that as an excuse too.

Cause Adrien in Penalteam suddenly not knowing how to play soccer wasn't a retcon from "Furious Fu", it's was deliberately done to showcase how unbelievably insecure Chat was by the by Ladybug's side. In Furious Fu Adrien was still confident in their dynamic, so even if he didn't know all the rules in theory he still did very well by sheer instinct.

But all that was gone by Penalteam bc everything was always blamed on Chat and Ladybug settled the conflict in Kuro Neko by making sure Chat understands that HE is the problem in all of this, SHE has never done ANYTHING wrong, and he should in fact be grateful that she likes him so much that she even wants him back.

Meaning Adrien in Penalteam knew he wasn't perfect in soccer and immediately told Ladybug to "get the REAL team" bc he learned as CatWalker that even at his most perfect he wasn't good enough for her so nothing could ever justify risking inconveniencing Ladybug by having only him as partner when he might make a mistake.

The only true job Ladybug had in Penalteam regarding team-building was turning around to Chat, when he said that he doesn't know a thing about soccer and she should get the REAL team, and for ONCE give him support in return. Telling him to believe in himself and his abilites cause, NO, she KNOWS for a fact that he can play soccer, they already played it together and he did very well back then too.

THAT was the team-building that should have happened in that episode, but looking at Marinette shocked face in that moment she already forgot that she ever played soccer with Chat in the first place and 100% agreed with him taht they aren't the real team anymore the moment he needs any kind of help.

This episode also cemented it for the rest of most of the show's narrative from here that most Ladybug does is speaking big fancy words about how much Chat seemingly means to her but the moment he needs more than pretty words from her he has to go back to sucking it up and getting over it and better by himself (meaning becoming PERFECT for her in s5) bc Ladybug doesn't back her words up with actions bc that goes too far for her.

See her hyping them up in this episode and the moment Chat tells her of his insecurities it's immediately over with "partnership". Her CLAIMING that she's the epitome of a supportive and loving partner doesn't mean she actually is. She leaves him to pain and humiliation the moment he needs more than nothing.

So her then proceeding to once again abandone Chat on the battle field so akuma Chloé can emotionally and physically torment him - remember how badly Chloé bullied Marinette, one would think she wouldn't want Chat to accept that he deserves this kind of treatment for owing up to a weakness. But hey, Marinette seemingly concidered this unparalleled kindness he should THANK her for -

Getting the whole unnecessary team and helping THEM which meant leaving Chat all by himself who just told her he doesn't know how to play soccer, leaving him to humiliate himself further on a grand scale while also not being able to properly participate in the team building bc LB immediately forgot about what Chat said the very moment he told her and isn't paying attention to him either because proofing herself superior in her pissing contest with Chloé was more important.

It's especially interesting how right immediately once Chat - the easy bullying target - gets punished by Chloé for calling her out for expanding the length of time the match goes on just because SHE lost (by taking him out by unfairly tricking him and attacking him with several of her clones) only THEN does Marinette immediately summon her lucky charm to actually make a team plan against Chloé, using the powers and teammates in a way that actually makes sense.

So apparently she genuinely had only waited for Chat to be taken out to do her job. Cause she didn't wanted to be "in the wrong" for not having him use his powers in her plan or ask anything of him he might not be good at bc thats not useful to her so she rather waited for Chat to do something himself that gets him taken out so he blames himself and not her.

And the only thing to "make up for that" was Ladybug still drawing him on the whiteboard among herself and the other 9 holders to actually do their job, so she can pad herself on the back for "having done her best to include him"

Man, that episode is beyond aggravating bc all she had to do was turn to him when he told her he doesn't know how to play soccer and for her to get the REAL TEAM and for once do her job as his friend, "partner", leader and guardian by giving him emotional support and help him believe in himself and his abilites she should KNOW he has.

But no, we couldn't have that.

Because Maribug couldn't be asked to take an ounce of proper accountability for her bad treatment of Chat Noir so he had to build his entire confidence up DESPITE of her and not thanks to her, while almost all Marinette does even by the end of season 5 is throwing around big words of how much she loves him and how she's treating him with such unparalleled kindness, generosity and unconditional care and support

While even in season 5 her actions barely back that up. It's just Chat Noir having stopped asking the most basic things of her, meaning she is barely ever challenged to proof taht she actually meant that she feels sorry. And in most moments where she COULD have shown an improvement from s4 she mostly didn't do it bc she needs an invitation and 7 essays to convince her to HELP HIM.

Tbf I'm pretty sure that Adrien not knowing how to play soccer was a retcon (within the same season lmao) to justify Ladybug having to get the team together so that we could get the whole gang introduced. But if we were looking for an in-universe explanation, I think your interpretation of the scene is very interesting.

And I agree with your other points too. The show loves to pretend that Ladybug doesn't need to support her partner and that if anything happens between them it's actually his fault and she shouldn't be expected to apologize for anything or fix anything. And I haven't actually watched Penalteam in a while, so I won't speak about that. But what you've said seems to be what I'd expect from this show, so I'll just assume you're right about this like you are about the rest of it.

But I will say though:

It's especially interesting how right immediately once Chat - the easy bullying target - gets punished by Chloé for calling her out for expanding the length of time the match goes on just because SHE lost (by taking him out by unfairly tricking him and attacking him with several of her clones) only THEN does Marinette immediately summon her lucky charm to actually make a team plan against Chloé, using the powers and teammates in a way that actually makes sense. So apparently she genuinely had only waited for Chat to be taken out to do her job. Cause she didn't wanted to be "in the wrong" for not having him use his powers in her plan or ask anything of him he might not be good at bc thats not useful to her so she rather waited for Chat to do something himself that gets him taken out so he blames himself and not her.

I don't think this part is fair. From the little I remember, I think she just used her Lucky Charm after Chat Noir got caught because she realized they needed to win now. I don't think reading an ulterior motive into that is really supported. She does fail to provide him any kind of support, but this particular criticism is too harsh, I feel.

But yeah, you're right. I did feel that Penalteam tried to, idk, nerf Chat Noir so that the existence of the other holders could be justified. And they frame this as 100% a good thing in the season and show us that Ladybug doesn't need Chat Noir, she can call on her team and even use both Miraculous herself. And then they have her lose, but we're supposed to pretend it's a win, so like, what are we supposed to believe? This show went off the rails lmao.

Thank you for your ask!

[overwatchfics]

dva nsfw alphabet..

NSFW Alphabet D.VA

A/N: this was interesting

A = Aftercare 

(what they’re like after sex) It's really how cute Hana actually gets pumped up for Aftercare (if you leave her enough energy to walk ofc) she'll enthusiastly grab some snacks and water bottles (Please don't let her have a nano cola after sex she will either be ready for another round or she'll be crawling on the ceiling)

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I'm sorry Hana loves your boobs, just crazy about them. Toys with them like they're stressballs. Just looses her mind at boobs. On herself she takes pride in her hips, she's such a MASSIVE tease so she'll sway her hips when she KNOWS your ass is looking

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Depends on her mood, sometimes she loves to get really messy, but when she has her soft moments (I rewatch her cinematic bc I love the idea of dva being soft I'm sorry your honor) she likes to be tidy and keep the main focus on you.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Has had a hidden camera somewhere during more kinky sessions between you two, has some recordings saved. She watches them sometimes. Also has a folder on her phone of nudes just of you.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Not a whole lot, maybe slept with 1 or 2 people, but she's very eager to learn what you like and how to make you squeal.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Has fucked you in her meka, don't ask me jowls, but she's definitely done it. In terms of position she likes you on your back whether you're giving or receiving. She loves to ride your face or have a vibrator at high frequency pressed hard against you.

Not a position, but this really screamed Hana to me

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

More snarky than goofy really. Depends on the mood for her

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Up to you reader

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

If it's sex just for sex barely any, there's always "I love yous" but it's it's actually making love then Hana shuts her damn mouth and with MAKE you feel loved.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

A lot. Has a vibrator for herself that she uses when youre away. Has done it in her meka too.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Oh boy. Overstimulation, Dacryphilia, Edging, begging, light degradation, pet names, choking, and exhibitionism. SHE WPULD TOTALLY DO A FAKE STREAM LMFAOOOO

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Any. Fucking. Where. Hana really does not care. In her meka, in the bathrooms, on a wartable, on the counter, even on a sky scraper if you asked. She really does not care.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Tears of overstimulation, this REALLY drives her. Seeing you all whiny and at her mercy drives her to take care of you "Awww does my bunny need me? Well I'll have to do something about that"

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

She refuses to be tied up. She can tie you up, but she herself will NOT. She doesn't like that level of helplessness, and actually, she doesn't like having any sort of sensory deprivation on herself. No blindfolds, no bondage, nope.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Pretty damn good at giving it, demands you to ride her face. LOVES RECEIVING IT TOO THOUGH.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Hana is pretty fast paced, though she loves to draw out your orgasms and edge you to the point of having to ask nicely

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Yes! Anywhere! Anytime! 0 fucks given!

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Risk should be Hana's middle name for how much she wants to experiment.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

She gets pretty exhausted but has a short recovery time, so she's good to go after a 5 of rest.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) Vibrator, Dildo, fuzzy pink cuffs for you, collars, a pair of cat ears, and a butt plug with her bunny logo lmfao

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Way too much, if you're not making love, expect the sex to be torture in a good way.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Hana could care less if the world could hear her, and she would POP OFF. Drawn out high waning moans followed by breathy pants

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Loves fingering you as you're trying to do work or play games. Especially games, she will put a controller between your legs and press it hard against you when it vibrates.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Pretty damn muscular, any sort of aviation flight crew training is rigorous so Hana is pretty fucking strong

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

VERY HIGH EVERY OTHER DAY MORE THAN ONE ROUND FOR SURE

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depending on how far you guys take it she's the first on to knock out, starfish on the bed and lightly snoring. Awww what a cutie.

[beeben]

Wish the day ( the twilight/night time part) lasted longer ( i mean extra hours not get dark sooner) so i could have more time to myself.

I don't get an ounce of privacy until everyone is asleep and I cant stay up as late as i used to bc i start work so early. I really cannot stand it here lol this is turning into it vent post cus ive been having a really bad time lately and when i try talking about it everyone just goes "well i feel the same way but i just put up with it" i dont want to put up with it anymore i hate most of my family i hate my house i hate my life no i dont feel spoiled im always out of money because i have to pay for everyone's shit because my dad is an idiot whos been chasing a spot in football hall of fame since he was 12 even though now hes 50 and 300 pounds and cant hold a job more then than a year because he picks fights with people and is a bigot trying to work with mostly black people. Like it's fucking ridiculous i live in a fucking fantasy world where people think im crazy for saying things aren't okay. Maybe I am suicidal what then? I get an eye roll i get "everyone is suicidal im suicidal too" like? And we're supposed to be okay with that? Ive had such a shit month man idk i have to meet up with the hr people at work tomorrow idk if im traumatized or something im like terrified they're gonna spin some shit around and get me fired man im literally so sick and tired of people walking all over me i honestly don't care if i come off as an asshole anymore i deserve a little self importance idk why its such a shocking thing. I stayed over at my boyfriend's house the other night and people acted like i burnt a building down saying how out of character it was for me cus hes a man what the fuck ever. I don't even give a shit at this point he could've assaulted me and i would've come back just to spite them. Idk where im going with this im pissed off and i dont have anybody to tell because they either heard it already or would leave if i said anything. Nobody gives a shit and i don't mean shit and if i do mean shit to somebody they assume im normal like them and im not i feel like such a piece of garbage and i live with a bunch of idiot slobs who keep me on a leash so they have an extra wallet to use when getting school supplies or whatever else my dad refuses to pay for or as a fucking unpaid therapist when he abuses them and they feel sad about it :'(. Im really worthless lol i kinda just wish someone was honest and said it to my face instead of acting like its fine and everyone feels this way cus i know it's not and i know its not normal. I was born to be an accessory in my dads life to make him look more virtuous in the eyes of the church. My mom would've been better off if she had miscarried and he divorced her for being infertile or something at least then shed have a fucking life to live. This is ridiculous.

[leynaeithnea]

Alrighty Circe saga let's gooo

14.I'm super convinced Ody was in denial. He knew but in that moment , aftert losing it all right when he was so close to home , he doesn't have it in him to process this , what eury did, I think he's so defeated he's drained and does not want to talk about it.

"A woman ... What?" Is so unserious honestly

Ody here vs in Scylla really really hurts don't make me even think about it ajjsjsjsn

15.I might be physically incapable of disagreeing with you actually. It's a good song but not the best, the good thing about it it's 100% Hermes, my man comes in , all charming and silly, grants ody a crazy power , tells him he'll probably die either way and then goes his merry way. Iconic , 10/10

16.furiosly blushing at the mere thought of acting this out with someone DAMN ( good for you kakdkskksns)

LYING CHARACTERS SUPREMACY!!!! *stars shaking * *explodes *

In Ody's defence when Circe immediately proposed lust I was also like ???? Girl what??? There must be another ten thousand better ways to go about this?? BUT I realize now that Circe is probably used to dealing with scums and filthy man that at the mere mention of sex become cocky and stupid becase they want her and because they believe they are so irresistible obviously she can't resist them. Meanwhile she is getting ready to stab them several times ( queen behavior honestly)

17.I can't express into words how happy I was he refused!! The circumstances were all perfectly placed so that he couldn't say no BUT HE STILL DID!!! RISKED IT ALL BECAUSE HE MIGHT BECOME A MONSTER BUT NEVER A CHEATING HUSBAND!!!! JAKSKSKSKJS

also when circe talks about the Underworld chills kaksksmsnsn her voice is so gooood

All in all a good saga obviously, but I just might like Hermes and Circe more than I like their songs

next up Underworld Saga!!! ( I'm also really scared and I'm pretty sure I can't form coherent thoughts about the songs , only tears and anguised cries )

Edit: i messed up the post and dont remember the first things i wrote but anyway, i might send you a bunch morw things including a reprise one reactor wrote for Full speed ahead....yeah..anyway

18. The Underworld

"All i hear are screams, everytime i dare to close my eyes [etc]" man hes so traumatized, he needs a hug, i love him

Just a man reprise PLS

"Captain" "Captain, why would you let the cyclopse live when ruthlessness is mercy-" ALL I HEAR IS SCREAMS......

question: why do the men join in when he sings "every time i dare to close my eyes" and the rest...mh......

I keep thinking of the infant from that night.... HES SO HAUNTED BY hIS ACTIONS SO SO HAUNTED

"This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms" POLITES MY BOY STILL THINKING THESE THOGUHTS AS HE WAS DYING WHYYYYYYY YYYYYY ...ouchy douchy

ALSO THE way Steven sings the last "greet the world with open Aaaaarmms" its a different pace/note (?) than the other times hes sung it and its so goood

the voiceacting with Odys "Polites- " "Polites...." ....

.....

and theN

AND THEN

"waiting...."

VOICED BY JAYS MOm; PLS??? SERIOUSLY? I still sob to that song occationally, in fact im listening to the song as im typing this and my eyes are teary rn

"i took to long"....hits some fears, esp bc I'm living a few hours away from home rn bc of college and additionally Im constantly stuck between having to leave one home behind for another (college, where my friends are, my moms where my gardens, cats and little sister are and my dads where my baby brother and they are) so im constantly stuck on like.....being missed and missing people and i know that it comes down to trying to make the best of the time we do have and enjoying each moment we get but man IT HITS OUCH

"bye mom.." ouch

AND THEN THE SCREAMS AGAIN ....so good......so ouchy......most painful day

BUT I FORGOT, ELPENOR I love this funfact so much "558 men" but only 557 before poseidon, siejseigje "i drank wine from a palace ontop of circes palace and fell and broke my neck in shame" i love this so much

19. No Longer You

...ngl, i love how most animators depicted Tiresias lowkey hot af with white hair and all, ....HIS VOICE IS SO GOOD

I want to dance to this song siejgsegi (im not good but i had some lessons for my prom and i can at least do the basics in walz x))

the "there is a world where i help you get home" is soooooo well sung

also "thats not a world i know" "what???"(what saga) but also OUCH rip ody

AND THEN THE PROPHECY

"i see a song of past romance" SUFFERING

"i see the sacrifice of men" SYCLLA

"i see portrayals of betrayal and a brothers finial stand" MUTINIY

"I see you on the brink of death" END OF THUNDER BRINGER??? OR LATER SONGS????

"i see a man who gets to make it home alive but its no longer you".....ody being like "bUT WHY?" yeah his anger is justified

"i see your palace covered in red, faces of men who had long believed you dead" IM SOOO EXCITED for that song

"i see your wife with a man who is hunting, a man with a trail of bodies..." "WHO" (owl) (istg i love how many memes this fandom has)

i also love how the choir techincally spoilers the whole act 2 but we simply dont know BECAUSE JORGE WONT TELL US THE REST THAT HAPpenS AFTER THUNDER SAGA grr

20. Monster

Ody having an existential crisis fr fr

"im the only one whos line i havent crosses" aaaaahhhh

"is the cyclops struck with guilt when he kills?, is he up in the middle of the night" THIS IS WHAT ODY IS eXPIRIENCING THATS WHAT HES TELLING US HOW BADLY HES COPING WITH ALL THAT HAPpeneD THERE

"or does he end my men do avenge his friend and hten sleep knowing he has done him right" THIS IS WHAT HE KNOWS ACUTALLY hAPPENS HE COMPAReS HIMSELF TO THESE PEOPLE AND OUCHY

"when the witch turns mens to pigs to protect her nymphs is she going insane?" HE FEELS LIKE HES GOING INSANE SOMEONE GIVE hIM A HUG

"or did she learn to be colder when she got older and now she saves them the pain" THATS WHAT HE KNOWS HE HAS TO BECOME

"when a god comes down and makes a fleet drown is he scared that hes doing something wrong" ODY BABY

"or does he keep us in check so we must repsect him and now noone dares to piss him off" ODY IS SCARED OF POSEIDON NOW HES TERRIFIED

"does a soldier use a wooden horse to kill sleeping trojas cause he is vile" THATS WHAT HE THINKS OF HIMSELF

"or does he throw away his remorse to save more lives with guile" HE HAS been STRUgGLING SO HARD WITH THE GUILD AND REGRET OF WHAT HE DID IN TROY BUT HE KNOWS, when he killed the infant, he already made the choice of his family over one live BUT it haunted him the whole time, it dictated his actions with Polyphemus and all of that which eventually led to 558 men lost

"if i became the monster and threw that guilt away, would that make us stronger would it keep our foes at bay? (oh baby, its going to work for all of one song im afraid)

"if i became the monster to everyone but us" ("us" his family or his crew I WONDER???) "and made sure we got home again, who would care if we're unjust" Villian arc right here and iM allll here for it

AND THEN THE CHOIR JOining in in "if i became the monster" AND THEN ODY SHIFTING TO "Oh ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves" EMBRACING IT

"and deep down i know this well, i lost my best friend, i lost my mentor my mom 500 men gone this cant go ooon" the way this ascents and gets more powerful is sooo good

"I MUST GET TO SEE PENELOPE AND TELEMACHUS" his motivation and reason for everything, im so excited for telemachus voice

"AND IF I GOTTA DROP ANOTHER INFANT FROM A WALL IN AN ISNTANT SO WE ALL DONT DIE" WHEN HE KILLS ANOTHER INNOceNT SO HE CAN get homE OMG PLSSS

and then the whole last part is suchhh good music with choir and and everything aaaaah

"ill become the monster (BAM)" so good.

im scared of the thunder saga one though BECAUSE i have SOOO MUCH to say about this one

[red-elric]

honestly i dont think dave was ever that into terezi

i do think they dated tho. but like..... okay. before and during the game i think he was actually into jade (all the sick beats, the way hes sooo much more gentle w her than w john and rose, the way they flirt throughout the first half of the comic, DAVESPRITE). and i think lots of people--karkat, john, maybe even terezi herself--saw him talking to terezi so much and assumed he was into her because of it. but thats the thing: we dont really see that from him. when the topic comes up he either avoids the conversation or denies liking her completely. he IS aware that she likes him; admittedly, she's kind of using him as a rebound/distraction from karkat and vriska. i think he realizes that too, certainly towards the end of the game.

i dont think he's like..... under any delusions that he's the guy for her or that shes the girl from him, at any point, even when they date on the preretcon meteor. and i dont think she is either tbh (though if one of the two might convince themself of that, id see it from her more than from him). what he DOES get out of that relationship tho is just.... low expectations. same as what she gets from him; for her, there's no baggage, and he's waayyy less intense than karkat and vriska, which she likes. for him, its like.... john and rose and jade are all so NOSY. they ask him questions and expect answers from him and its getting harder and harder for him to pretend everythings okay. and later, on the meteor, karkat falls into that pattern for him too. but with TEREZI, sure, she'll ASK the hard hitting questions. her questions are more blunt than anyone elses. but she doesnt actually care about the answers; she gets him to think about it without putting any pressure on him to communicate, not really. i think every act four/five convo between dave and terezi, dave is constantly lying to her. and they both know it. but it's okay, because theyre THERE for the lowered expectations.

until, of course, the reality that terezi's kind of violent and crazy catches up with him, when she kills his alt self to explain god tiers. thats a little too much for him; he throws up a wall and spends the rest of the session hanging out with jade instead. and she runs off crying bc she feels bad for killing him, and also is upset that she fucked up, pushed him too far when she actually was really starting to like him. still, though, they make up on the meteor. they date, in a low pressure, casual kind of way--neither of them confirms to anyone else that they actually HAVE a thing, which kind of makes me think they never put a label on it. when dave's justifying leaving her when she starts her thing with gamzee, he's super defensive about it, acting like it doesnt bother him much ('why would it, he never really was dating her anyway'). and hes certainly not emotionally available after three years on the meteor, not the way he is post retcon when he spends that time with karkat instead. we also see preretcon terezi in a baaad bad place, feeling isolated and worthless and guilty; i think if she and dave had a more genuine relationship she might not have felt QUITE so insecure. not putting the onus on him alone of course; she had a lot going on.

i do think they get along. i think theyre good friends, actually. theyre just.... not that INTO each other, but they still feel bad knowing that about the other; it still sucks when they break up. i think they ended up ramping up each others insecurities on the meteor, even though they started from a place of just being safe and relaxed together. also, i think the fact that terezi was willing and able to kill her best friend scares the shit out of dave, even though he refuses to show it bc its 'unmanly' or whatever. idk. vibes

[xbabybajix]

Halloweenie w/ Hanma~

A/N: hiiii my fellow hanma stans!! here’s a small drabble? I thought of on the quicks for Shuji bc his birthday just passed and it got me thinking about what it would be like to spend halloween w him <3 hope everyone who reads enjoys! 

It’s October 31st and what better way to spend it with your boyfriend they call ‘The Reaper’ because of this Hanma thought of the idea as having you be a succubus and he as the grim reaper- picture this as a slutty couples costume

Hanma basically wearing the cloak with no shirt under and some leather pants w/ platform docs, and yours being a body suit with ass and titties out with some fake blood and cute lil horns too 

Hanma’s a pretty unpredictable guy so knowing what was planned for today was a bit worrisome, yall can either spend it going to random parties that Hanma got invited to, roaming around a downtown area and hitting up bars or clubs, or perhaps indulge in trick or treating if Hanma wanted something sweet to snack on while watching you strut your cute ass around the neighborhood.

Going to Halloween parties with Hanma is the best because he LOVES to coordinate costumes with you as you pleased, he needs to wear makeup? Sure! Anything his baby asks of him, she gets. Spend a full hour taking selfies together? Ofc! He has to show off his girl everywhere!! Yall love pregaming before heading out and pumping yourselves up to dance the night away!! (have a headcanon that hanma is a doja cat fan so that’s what you guys listen to before leaving)

Parties with Hanma end in a couple ways, either both of yall are plastered and end up being all over each other inside a random room, or someone ends up making moves on either or and one of yall ends up getting kicked out by the host for starting a fist fight but also ending it! :-) 

In the case where the night actually ends less chaotic than most, it’s spent with constant banter and flirting. Hanma likes to wander off to where he usually finds Kisaki or other members from gangs he knows and will keep an eye on you from afar. Your safety will always come first but Hanma likes watching you lose yourself on the dancefloor with your besties too, it turns him on seeing how your hips sway along with the beat of the music.

To spice things up in your relationship, Hanma LOVES to roleplay w you in public and act like he’s just some guy hitting on you and you LOVE IT because of the tension that rises when his face starts to ease into yours while feeling traces of his fingertips on your lower back till he reaches your ass and gives it a lil squeeze.

If Hanma notices you act more aloof and silly, he’ll know it’s time for yall to head out, when this happens it usually ends with you shouting out your profound love for him and it catches him off guard every time. Hanma is used to hearing you say loving things, but for some reason when you say it while being drunk, it makes his stomach do flips. They say the truth comes out when your drunk, so knowing that even in the state you’re in, you still choose Hanma every time.

Drunk y/n can be a handful sometimes, mostly because it ends with you throwing a small tantrum about how you can still have another drink or five before leaving and Hanma is not having ANY of that esp bc he’s seen you blackout and he refuses to let you get to the point of throwing up, but in the case that you do anyways, he’s there with the hair tie and water <33

If Hanma doesn’t feel like dealing with your brattiness he will just carry you over his shoulder until you reach your home and sit you onto your shared bed together, and will get all your things you use for your bed routine <3

Hanma is also the type to indulge you when you go off a tangent talking about the most random things you thought of while being drunk. “Oh yeah? I didn’t think of that” “oh wow baby you never told me this, that sounds crazy though” “And what else happened?” “you’re so smart even when you’re drunk too doll, its no wonder I love you” pls he says all this while helping you undress and get into your nightwear and then proceeding to take off your makeup and gently rubbing it off from your face.

Once the night has finally ended, hanma makes sure that you’re all taken care of again and then he starts to get ready to climb into bed with you. Nights like these end with you drifting off to sleep in his embrace but before you whisper your i love you’s and smother him in kisses <3 my guy is in heaven and loves the holidays for this reason 

[kokiwiouma]

OK so my Hajime, assigned female at birth just goes by he/him

i came up with this bc 1. i am a girl and we the player play danganronpa as Hajime 2. saw somebody draw hajime with a mullet and it came to me this way 3. his chest size, i know that's nothing but this is my au and if you wanna take up arms with me im not going to argue the issue if you don't like my ideas leave me be cause the first person who tries to come in here and argue with me is getting your ask deleted or blocked YES I CAN HIT THE BLOCK BUTTON

my Hajime is Izuru's sibling and Makoto's cousin, Nagito and Chiaki are his roomates but the house ironically is in Nagito's name and It was Nagito by himself until Hajime moved in and Chiaki soon came after. Later on at some point she got her own place but she doesn't live there she just kinda is here all the time and she's thinking of giving it to one of their friends.

Now we are going into other characters cause this was supposed to only be about Hajime but it turned into something else

Makoto,Byakuya and Kyoko are roomates but Makoto started dating Junko and Bya didn't really vibe with that so he told him if she's gonna stay here your gonna have to go and Kyoka got on him about it so now Makoto lives next door, they live in a apartment. Junko wants to own a house

Junko used to date Nagito when she was crazy but she slowly came to "yo, i need some help im wack" and they broke up

Nagito also dated Mikan but she was wack as well he also dated Ibuki and it's kinda hard to tell if he's dating either of them he doesn't make mention of his love life. Hajime wants the tea lowkey Chiaki already understands and refuses to let Hajime in cause that aint her business.

Chiaki and Junko are worsties

Chiaki is also always over at Maki's house.

Maki and Tenko are roomates they live in a actual house.

not sure about everyone elses situation but before Hajime moved int with Nagito he lived with Fuyuhiko i honestly might just move everyone in together cause why not?

Kazuichi,Fuyuhiko,Peko i guess Mahiru,Hiyoko, and Mikan live together Nagito can't really stand living with Mikan so he can't live with them cause they had a lovers to toxic relationship and he doesn't want to go back but he;s weak to her so he understands he can't put himself in that kind of situation where he's around her so he stays away.

Mikan doesn't give a crap i love her honestly i do

Kotoko is freshly adopted into Nagito's famliy he has a hard relationship with Leon who is also his brother and Rantaro is Nagito's step brother, Nagito,Kotoko and Leon got adopted into his family when Nagito was homeless he lived with Rantaro for a little bit before he got his own place with Kotoko

There is so much stuff about them in my head that is so random like im still including the ultimate stuff but like nobody killed anybody but i don't know how to incorporate that into the story like they aren't normal people the killing game happened? i guess? but it was like a simulation that is everyone is traumatized from the world did get destroyed a little bit i guess? i don't know i don't know how to fit the puzzles together yet

[bex23ckwolf]

okok so like consider

der monster klub sleepover right? y/n is invited (bc of course they’re a part of the klub) and all is good and well until julian has a nightmare and requests y/n to comfort him

i’m trying to make it vague so you can fill in the gaps and go crazy >:3 - very cool anon 👍: 2 electric boogaloo

Ok I got you and I’m gonna be making y/n gender neutral in this story if you don’t mind 😊

———————————————————————

It’s the end of class and you’re packing up your stuff to head home, the halls were very crowded today because of all the damages the ninja and robo-ape’s have done. You spot Theresa outside and run up to her.

Theresa noticed you running towards her and waved at you. You came to a halt and tried catching your breath, “Ok, so who’s house are we going to for the sleepover”? You asked Theresa, “I think it’s Juggos turn today”.

We waited for the bus to finally leave and once it did we discussed what we would do once we get to Juggos house. You got off the bus at your stop, you ran up to your front door and took out your key to open it.

Once inside you dropped your stuff in your room and hurried on packing stuff that you would bring, your pjs, sleeping bag and pillow. You got a message from your mom saying that she would be there soon. So you put on your shoes and decided to just be in your phone while you waited for your mom.

You were scrolling through social media for a bit when you came across a post Julian did. It was a pic of you so concentrated on a project you and him were doing in your English class. It was were you and him were assigned on creating a story. You both decided to do a backstory on a monster you two have created during a der monster klub meeting.

You smiled a little at the post then decided to comment on the post saying “m/n (monsters name) shall rule the world as his!!!”, once you posted it you laughed at yourself. You heard the honk from your moms car and quickly got up and grabbed your bag then headed out the door towards the car.

Once you got to Juggos house you waved your mom bye while she drives away. You felt excited because of the amount of fun stuff that Juggo has in his room. You knocked on the door to be greeted with Julian, “Y/N! Oh I’m so glad you were able to make it”. Julian gave you a big hug which you returned back to him.

Once Julian let go of you he let you inside where you greeted everyone else. You all were thinking on either creating more monsters or playing games that you guys brought. You said that you have smash bros, omori and undertale including your switch of course. Also uno, you knew that once the game of uno started it would be a disaster.

You all decided to play just dance that Dave brought for Juggos old WII. You have played this game on your brothers old WII a lot so you are very skilled on this game. You have won every round so far and you are very proud of yourself, “Haha, there is no one to be able to defeat me”, you said to yourself in a very dramatic way.

Just then Julian stepped up “Oh what’s this? Someone dare challenge me? Well go ahead then challenger”, you handed Julian a controller and you let him pick the song and he chose ‘I’ll sleep when I’m dead’ by set it off. The dance started alright then started to get more intense with the music.

You had it alright for a while in the song but you just now are starting to get tired but you refused to give up. You gave a quick glance at Julian to see how he’s doing and he seems to be getting a little bit tired but still had enough energy to keep going. You of course wouldn’t let that happen. So you kept going until the song finished.

Sadly you lost because your foot slipped on the floor causing you to loose a point you were close on getting. Causing Julian to have it instead. Julian helped you get back up. Once you all finished playing games you decided to have dinner. A reason why you liked coming over to Juggos house was because his mom made amazing food dishes.

You all discussed about your monsters and who would be the next to host the meeting. Once you all finished you all headed to Juggo room to set up your sleeping bags and brush your teeth. Dave and Julian went to sleep because they were tired while you, Theresa and Juggo were talking a bit until you decided to go to sleep.

Time passed a bit and you couldn’t sleep. Just as you closed your eyes again to try and sleep you felt someone give you a little nudge as if wondering if you were awake. You turned to see that it was Julian that was doing it. You sat up a bit, “Julian what are you doing awake?”, you asked him, “Sorry to awake you Y/N, but it’s that I had a nightmare and I didn’t like this one in particularly”.

You felt sympathy for him so you told him, “I can lay next to you if you want to help you be able to sleep if you want”. You gave him a little smile and he nodded back liking the idea. So you scooted your sleeping bag a bit so it could be next to his. You both laid down you extended your hand towards Julian to see if it would help him. Julian accepted the hand.

You gave Julian a tired smile and wished him sweet creepy dreams. He accepted the saying and wished the same for you and like that you both fell asleep with Julian knowing you were next to him if anything happened he knew you would keep him comfort.

———————————————————————

I hope this was alright as my first Julian fanfic💜

Also sorry if it’s too short and if anyone did read it could it be alright if you send in more requests that would be great. ☺️

[laughableillusions]

Hii, hope you doing good! ✨

Are you still doing the “Uncommon Questions for OCs” ? I’d love ask 5, 22, 24, 30 and B, F, E (is that too much??? no pressure to answer everything, of course!) for Nick and Amber!

I am still doing it!!! And I will absolutely be answering all of these questions! I just had to get to my computer bc its easier for me to like copy the question and paste it etc etc

Uncommon Questions for OCs and their creators:

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

For Nick: very easy honestly, honestly you'd earn mistrust before trust anyway. Especially if you're a certain fae king (he doesn't believe a word Jareth says unless he knows Jareth is being serious). But for humankind, he's still kind of picking up the pieces that his wife left when she took off. He's open to friendships, he really is, it would just take him a long time to really open up. For Amber: She's incredibly passionate, but its hard to get her to mistrust someone. She may be rude and callous on the outside, and deny that she cares- but she does. She holds very impossible standards for the people she cares about, and even the smallest (seeming) betrayal can cause her to blow up. But within a day or two she'd forget about it. People that she does mistrust she is simply hostile to.

22. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)? 

Nick really isn't the jealous type, nor does he get possesive (and it drives Jareth crazy). He is very patient and understanding. Any jealousy usually just manifests in either disappointment or sadness, usually with his friends (if he isn't invited to something etc). With Jareth, he really knows how to really get under Nick's skin. And if Jareth catches Nick in a bad mood, or if he needs Jareth's support, and ignores him- Nick will seethe and seethe and seethe, both hurt and dissapointed, even though he knows Jareth is doing it on purpose- his temper flares up anyway, and he demands Jareth's attention. (which is what Jareth wanted him to do, the bastard.) Amber is very insecure, she is still grappling with the fact that her mother just tossed her aside- and also with the fact that she doesn't feel attracted to any boys at her school when her other classmates are (she's a lesbian). So she can get jealous over little things, after going through the labyrinth, she tries to be more patient- but she's very sensitive poor thing.

24. Is sex something that they’re comfortable speaking about? To whom? 

(Answering only for Nick bc Amber is 16). Nick is very private about his sex life. As a closested bisexual man in 1988 during the AIDs crisis, he keeps that shit under wraps. Even to his closest friends who accept him, he still doesn't discuss it. With Jareth of course he does, because he's his romantic partner, but he can get a bit embarrassed or shy about some things (Jareth finds this adorable.) But besides that, he says nothing.

 30. Who do they most regret meeting? 

Nick regrets meeting his wife, even if she did give him Amber- if he had known it would've ended the way it did he never would've married her. But also because, when she left, he realized that he had always sort of followed her lead. He kept to himself, he cooked, he did what she told him to do...but he didn't even really love her- at least not anymore. He lived for her, and didn't really allow himself time for his own interests. Nick was the one who did most of the parenting with Amber, while his wife would treat her and buy her things. Amber doesn't like to remember things like that. And she will sometimes simply refuse to do that. Its not that she regrets meeting the people she did, but she regrets what she did to them to make them leave. Self reflection is tough when you feel like there's something wrong with you already. But what she most regrets doing is pushing Sarah down the stairs and breaking her arm. She realizes now how wrong she really was, and that Sarah is actually quite a nice girl with similar interests.

B) What inspired you to create them?

I had a really low grade fever one day like, a year and a half ago or smth, and I randomly got back into labyrinth for a second and decided i had the best idea for an oc. At first the original story was that Amber was a 6 year old girl who wished both herself and Nick away because Nick was crying about their eviction notice. I scribbled this in my notes app and then fell asleep I think. But then months later when I found that scribbling, I realized it would be funnier, if instead of a teen wishing away their younger sibling, it would be funny if it was their parent. Because Jareth would probably not be expecting an adult, and you can't really turn a 35 year old man into a goblin, so it was this kind of awkward situation. Of course, Amber and Nick took a life of their own and now I have crafted a full story. But its funny how my desire to be funny created them.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

A mix of pride, embarrassment, and also a feeling that they're lacking somewhat. The embarrassment simply comes from getting bullied and made fun of as a small child, and I just push through that. The want that I'm lacking is mostly due to Jareth. He's a very mysterious and layered figure that nobody has a read on, and I feel like committing to one story will shallow him out somewhat.- or the story I have shallows him out, and also that the self indulgent fluff I write is OOC or something. Also (I get this from my dad), I just have a curse where I sometimes think all that I write is terrible. Don't get me wrong though, I love Nick and Amber, they're OCs I'm quite proud of due to the fact that I'm writing their story by myself (I usually do roleplay). But I like how different they are, and how different yet similar their story is to the original Labyrinth. It's not so similar that it's a copy, but not different enough that it's not a completely different universe. It's a legacy sequel I guess.

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

Not really. Amber is very hot headed and takes things much to seriously, also I'm not in high school anymore so I'd probably tell her to just chill out (she would hate that). Nick is a lot like Loius De Point Du Lac and 16 years older than me so we wouldn't have much to talk about. I would like how creative he is, but he's got a bit of a chip on his shoulder as well and I would just feel bad for him.

[illctaffairs]

LAST ONE!!!! domestic ship meme for alex ani bc i’m crazy :”)

꒰ ꔫ ꒱ — send me a ship & i'll tell you . . .

who reaches out to new neighbors: after alex encouraged the whole denji blood oath fiasco!? anita, she wants their neighbors to LIKE THEM who remembers to buy healthy food: alex, anita likes to think she's healthy enough, but her previous grocery routine was garbage compared to theirs KLDFJGS who remembers to buy junk food: anita, she has a 6 year old to bribe, tyvm!!! who fixes the oven when it breaks: alex, anita insists that her hands aren't made for that kind of laborkdjghdk who waters the plants/feeds their pet(s): ani, and lucy helps <3 who wakes up earlier: ani!! she's an early bird who makes the bed: alex, it's one of the only chores ani refuses to do, her arms get so tired every time </3 who makes the coffee: anita!! she puts one on while she's making lucy's breakfast every morning and has a cup of it ready for alex by the time they wake up who burns breakfast: it's a joint effort, they get a little bit distracted while they're cooking and almost burn down the apartment in the process, no biggie!!!! how do they let each other know they’re leaving the house: depending on how wild lucy is being, ani either gives alex a million kisses while saying goodbye, or she just calls out that they're leaving, there is NO in between KFJDGS how do they greet each other when one of them gets home: ani tracks alex down in whatever room they're in and tucks herself into their arms while lucy hugs their leg </3 who brings home little gifts like flowers/chocolates more often: ani!!! she buys every little trinket that reminds her of alex, she's never not bringing something home for them sfjkgsj who picks the movie for movie night: not ani or alex, but a secret third option — LUCY their favorite kind of movie to watch: i like to think they've grown partial to family friendly movies since acquiring lucy, but before that, romance :') they really should have known sooner KJGHDFSK who first suggests a pillow fort: alex, bc they're determined to be the cool parent </3 who builds the pillow fort: it's a family affair that takes no less than 45 minutes every time because they bump into each other and knock it down at least twice who tries to distract the other during the movie: alex tries and ani swats their hands away because she gets emotionally invested in the movies they watch even if she's seen them a million times before who falls asleep first: ani, tucked against alex's side with her head on their shoulder :') who is big spoon/little spoon: ani can and will be big spoon if alex wants her to be, but she prefers little spoon, alex's arms are just so safe and warm <3

[vizthedatum]

Decisions to protect myself

More and more, I am giving myself permission (it was always within my power) to protect myself.

I couldn't when I was growing up with my mom - not even to the police who showed up when she physically abused me so badly when I was six - I didn't want them to take me away - I lied - I kept lying my whole life - I knew she loved me but I also knew what she was doing was wrong - and I thought I was wrong and that I deserved it. I thought I deserved it all. I deeply thought I was stupid and if I tried harder, I wouldn't be such a stupid child. Nothing I did in my life made them think I wasn't ruining my life. They'd mock me telling me how I wouldn't get into community college... and I fucking made it into an Ivy League (I made it broken and shattered but regardless). And now, now that I'm out as trans and completely redefining my life... they think I've lost it.

--

That's it, right?

The moment I show who I am... when it goes against what you wanted me to be, that's when you think I've lost it.

After all the excuses and the effort I put into ALL of you - the moment that I need support... real support, you leave.

I was completely discarded by my spouse and their entire family - FAMILY who I considered my own. They did nothing to help me. My MIL, who I loved, .... she didn't get it. I had to cut off ties with her because she didn't understand why I was calling it domestic violence. I knew she would side with her child so I let her go.

--

What did it look like from the outside??

It's so easy to look at me like I'm crazy, I guess. I'm unreliable when I'm being gaslit and controlled. When I'm pleading with myself that they're not really doing anything wrong. When I only showcase the good and not the bad. See me crying - trying to reason with my abuser who I loved - listen to them explain how crazy and unreasonable I am....

I went to therapy for years. I maintained my friendships. I have documented how physically ill I was - in my medical chart. I was having severe flares. I was having symptoms I couldn't explain. I'd go nonverbal. Sometimes my body would just give up.

I fought for our relationship to the best of my ability until I realized I was in serious danger.

They did not fight for us - they just thought they were right.

They had a six-figure job, kept me trapped within our home due to fear of covid, berated me, denied how serious the emotional abuse was, didn't work on repairing our relationship, did NOT seek therapy or any external help, refused to come up with solutions with me, imposed ultimatums, convinced their ex (babe, you're not a great mental health advocate if you're going around telling people I'm having a psychotic breakdown - bc even if I were, that's ableist! You literally could have done the noble thing and refused to interact with me - but you didn't - you cruelly defended your ex because you sided with them) that I'm making shit up, tried to get me to block my lovers (and they knew about each and every one of them - I did not keep shit from them) despite not blocking their exes, convinced me systematically to let go of friendships and isolate myself, undermined my sense of worth, REFUSED TO GET HELP FOR OUR MOUSE INFESTATION THAT WAS WORSE THAN OUR RISK FOR COVID OMFG WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU, tried to take my meds away, judged me for being so ill I couldn't do things, threw tantrums when I needed my own space, probably called me abusive when I left food in the sink which I tried so hard not to do (it only happened bc I needed to stage how I did dishes (Oh yeah, I did dishes most of the time because they couldn't - did y'all know that? Did y'all know how much household coordination I did while being chronically ill and in pain? They hated asking for help so I had to either beg them to help me when I was physically weak, pay for people to help, plead/beg for them to allow people to help us, or do it myself) because of my fatigue and illness you ableist dumb motherfucker... and more. And the last time we had sex, it was rape. It undoubtedly was. You had such little empathy for me that you can't even tell. You made my life miserable because I went to MN and left you alone because I had to go help my brother - something you knew I would do in a heartbeat. You denied how badly you were hurting so you hurt me instead. You hurt your best friend and spouse who LOVED YOU SO FUCKING MUCH. Look at me now - does it look like I'm having a breakdown? Is my rage all a joke to you? You think I'm insane because you don't think I'm allowed to have my valid feelings? Does it make you happy to know that you destroyed your relationship with your autistic, trans, brown, traumatized spouse who loved you so much? Do you acknowledge that I'm finally able to live my life? I can move more - look at how different I look - my inflammation is down - and I do not care if I am putting myself at covid-risk (I'm vaccinated and more knowledgeable about my risk because I'm a fucking epidemiologist who knows that my social needs are just as important than preventing infection). Do I need to spell it out for you? I tried so hard to diagnose what was going wrong with my life... it was you (and my mom and all my trauma), but acutely, it was you.

And if you had worked on yourself and us - I would have stayed with you forever.

I really hope the divorce gets finalized this year.

Next time, I'm having a prenup, a huge wedding, couple's therapy wayyyy before we get married, an insistence on inner work for the both of us (this is a requirement for all relationships from here on out), and more.

I deserve the fucking world, and I hate that you all almost had me believing that I did not.

[queen-scribbles]

Who are your 3 least favorite Swtor companions and why?

heh heh hoo boy. Details behind a cut so people don't have to read me venting about potential faves in a couple cases, but tl;dr is Kaliyo, Skadge, both of whom I strongly dislike, and either Vik or Lana(not nearly as strong).

1.Absolute hands down least favorite is Kaliyo. I legit hate her. She's self-centered, vindictive, and thinks it's funny to ruin people's lives. I literally won't even talk to her any more when I play Agents. She spends the ENTIRE GAME with a little yellow triangle over her head bc I refuse to engage. I did her convos/quest with Jaaide, my first Agent, up til the Anspi'shel thing, then stopped when she wanted to sell Anspi'shel to a life of slavery or worse bc it'd be funny revenge for some not-nearly-deserving of That "transgression". Jaaide wanted to punch her in the face and never spoke another word to her the game didn't make me. I watched her romance on youtube and it did her no favors. AND THEN we get to her presence in KotFE. Making all of Zakuul suffer bc of what their leadership did? Outright terrorism? I wouldn't recruit her ever if you didn't have to. The way I always do ch 12/13 is telling Jorgan to destroy the GEMINI signal and then telling Kaliyo to stay put. Which she ignores, and gets Havoc killed. And then refuses to accept responsibility for it. ("If they're so good, why are they dead?" Hmm, maybe bc you were throwing thermal detonators in an enclosed space????? THAT MIGHT'VE DONE IT) She usually dies there, unless I'm trying to keep the toon 100% light side, and there's a few that got through there before I figured out how you get the option. *Sidenote: makes me love Jorgan even more that he disapproves if you kill her. He can't stand her, is currently furious at her bc she got his team killed, and he still thinks executing her is Too Far for punishment. Honestly, if there was a Jail option like you get for Saresh in KotET, I'd do that instead of killing her. But I'm not letting a vengeful, psychotic anarchist who knows the location of my secret base just LEAVE, and I can't let what she just did go unpunished, so death it is.

2. Skadge is... Skadge. The threatening to shoot you and steal your ship if you don't agree to let him come along? Yeah, all my Hunters were ready to shoot him and dump him in the lava for that alone. BUT I will talk to him for the xp, so he's slightly less hated than Kaliyo. Still kill him in Rusk's alliance alert though /cough

3. Okay so this is a sharp drop off from the other ones. Kaliyo and Skadge I actively dislike/hate, this one is much more.... barely wavering to the negative side of neutral. Vik annoys me and I wish we could have Fuse if he was alive instead. He's selfish, and way too willing to throw away other peoples' lives for his personal gain.

Lana I don't hate, or feel strongly about at all, it's just... between her Developers' Baby plot armor so she doesn't die(like Koth, Theron, and Senya can) or lose anyone important from her life(like Theron can *glares at WFI and JUS*) and her "Whatever you think is Best" attitude, I'm not crazy about her. I don't like Yes Man companions in general(why I like Carver better than Bethany in DA2), so anytime we get someone who's just blindly supportive of the player character they rub me the wrong way. It's more a problem I have with the archetype than her specifically. (Not to mention the numerous things she's a hypocrite about) I don't mind her as a character or roll my eyes and groan when I have to talk with her, and I'm even running her romance on a couple toons(it's AMAZING with a smuggler). She's just not my favorite.

[melblogsgfreethruptsd]

This back half of Mercury Rx has really got me.

The most retrogrady of retrograde happened yesterday. Today I just realized that the night before I’d had a dream about a snake biting me repeatedly. It was really trying to get at me, wrestling up my arm, and my had was trying to restrain it behind the head so it couldn’t bite again, but I was unsuccessful. I had so many bites that I was being sent away to a “detox” camp where I had to stay for a week. Very confusing feelings after that part.

Well then the next day blows up, when my grandma calls and has my Dad on the line. She’s trying to get him to say Happy Birthday to me and my son, (because he never texted or called on the day). But see, DH had tried to tell my Dad about a surprise Zoom meet where friends and family where going to sing Happy Birthday. Except Dad never responded to any of the texts for days, DH got mad, and then sent some very very angry and rude texts.

So now here’s Dad on the line. He’s refusing to say anything. You can feel the anger seeping through the moment. Grandma is trying to have him just speak, and since he won’t she starts to get upset. Dad then curtly says, “I’m here, being forced”…

You can hear Grandma sadly croak “oh no” and start crying. There is no worse sound on this earth than your elderly Grandma crying. I’m on the other end, my heart is slamming in my chest, but I’m thinking HELL NO, we are not letting this put grief on Grandma!

I say, “First of all, I know DH sent some angry texts, and I did not know about it until later. I would not have been okay with it either, that’s not something I would have done.” His response about that? “Well I just think I should be able to respond when I feel like it.”

… Dafuq? 🤔😒 He goes into how upset NM has been, and all this time it’s been like I’m dead, and they don’t understand what happened that was so bad. *insert sound* (Here we GO! Here the fuck we go! Here the 👏🏼 fuck 👏🏼 we 👏🏼 go! )

It’s been 6 YEARS. Since the start of NC, which didn’t have to be full NC , bc it was up to NM to communicate and she chose NOT TO. Narcs gonna Narc! Here we go again with the martyrdom victim story that makes ME have to care about THEIR pain and hardship, when all the while they give ZERO fucks for mine!

But you know what, there was a lot I still hadn’t said. And it turned into an hour long phone call, where I laid out exactly my problem with NM. How disgusted I was with how she acted to my Grandparents, how she put on a gross display at Grandpas funeral, and how nasty it is that she continues to ice out Grandma, an elderly widow. And just like Grandpa I’m sure she’ll have no regret when Grandma leaves this world too. Sick.

All for what? My grandparents weren’t the problem. SHE is. She couldn’t have me, so she chose to dump on them instead. And it’s not my problem she chose to shut down in the aftermath. Boo hoo, she quit her job, doesn’t leave the house, doesn’t go to church or have friends, doesn’t cook or do laundry, doesn’t run errands…. Get Fkn help then. That’s YOUR responsibility. I went to therapy. I have Dx PTSD. Does THAT matter to them ?? N fkn O.

I told Dad, she was a bully when he wasn’t around. She was nasty. She continued to be nasty right up until 2016, when I said ENOUGH, I’m done being dumped on. I don’t trust her, I don’t even like her, I don’t know her either. I have almost zero happy memories with her.

Sadly from Dad, all I heard was the same justifications. We had a hard time, gave you what we could, NM was abused by her alcoholic family, maybe we spoiled you… SMH 🤦‍♀️ He STILL can’t hear me. I don’t feel like he gets it, at all. Even with all the new things I told him. It’s mind blowing. Like how? How are these people dead set on living with their own version of reality in their head? How do they just go on thinking they’re right in the end? It’s dead ass crazy making. It’s exactly why I walked away.

You are telling me nothing will change and I have to just put up and shut up, while NM does hack shit for herself, and I’m supposed to willingly endure so it’s easier for everybody else but me. I told that phrase to Dad several times during the call. Put up and shut up. It’s why they blew off my depression, blew off the illness I had in Virginia, blew off the YEARS of chronic illness I endured (again, all the while blaming me for not meeting their expectations), and now baring my soul, putting all my pain on the table, now having seen me ugly cry, ITS STILL THE SAME! ‼️‼️‼️

It’s surreal, hearing this person say how much they love and care for you, but this whole shitstorm situation is still going on and they don’t care, and they’re still saying “we matter more than you”…. And they don’t even hear it… they can’t even tell. And all the years of “praying” haven’t led them to anything. No path to redemption.

It’s so so ridiculous, even as I’m typing this out… just… so… my God. I will always have peace I did the right thing. This does not inspire guilt. I’m not afraid God has it out for me, I’m sure He knows and understands it all, likely far better than I ever will.

I have no idea what Dad is going to take home out of it. What will he say to NM. But every time these blow outs happen, they seem to think “oh this was good to get out” and then nothing changes after… they’re not seeing a need to change or even be more respectful to me 😑

Grandma also holds out hope that this helps, and things will get better, but I know sadly that’s not the case. I’m sorry Dads I’m the middle. It sucks, I know it does. But certain people have personal responsibility here, and guess what I’ve taken mine while no one else has. I appreciate that Dad IS more open and repentant , but it doesn’t make up for NM, and it’s not my problem.

Needless to say today, I had to cleanse my soul. I’ll pray on it again. Watch for a well timed message, or dream, but I won’t hold my breath. I was so proud of myself though. In all these years I’ve become very steadfast and clear. Much more courage to stand up and say , NO. The ability to impart very wise observations. Good for me. It won’t matter for them, but good for me. I’m proud of my personal growth.

I will say, right after the phone call Britney Spears put up her post on IG… did you see it? OMG, I wasn’t imprisoned or controlled like that, but the family dynamic of abuse is the same pattern.