#and this post is ideally meant to be informational

[emnesoi]

this is the briefest possible summary i can write for the most recent executive order:

organizations which provide gender-affirming care to people under 19 will no longer receive government funding.

studies which support the necessity of gender-affirming care will be categorically rejected as pseudoscience.

[skunkes]

doing figure drawing studies because i know thats what i should be doing right now but also ive been in a very insane deranged state for the past 2 months that leaves me like this whenever i look at a man for too long

[biscuitdolly]

˚₊‧ ꒰ა traits and habits that your future self will thank you for .ᐟ 🫧🎀🧁

📧 -> my first long post in a while 🫶 I've had my ups and downs recently but for the most part life has been pretty good.

O1 𝜗𝜚 𓈒 ݁ ₊ don't overshare.

you don't have to be nonchalant and mysterious, but take a moment to consider your words before you speak. (e.g. "will i regret telling this person this piece of information in the future?")

O2 𝜗𝜚 𓈒 ݁ ₊ learn how to listen + let people talk.

It's crucial to make others feel heard, even when you might not share their viewpoint. Never cut someone off on purpose whilst they're speaking, it can really hurt someones feelings. if you accidentally cut someone off, always apologize and let them finish speaking once you've said your point.

O3 𝜗𝜚 𓈒 ݁ ₊ learn how to say no.

i know it's hard not to be a people-pleaser, but learning to say no to things that don't align with you is so important. It can help you avoid uncomfortable, awkward, and even risky situations. Setting boundaries is hard but being taken advantage of is harder.

O4 𝜗𝜚 𓈒 ݁ ₊ nourish yourself.

Make it a habit to eat meals regularly. Reduce your sugar intake. Embrace healthier food choices. Establish a skincare routine. Treat yourself to a shower after a long day. Stay hydrated. These simple changes can be easily integrated into your daily routine and will significantly enhance your life for the better.

O5 𝜗𝜚 𓈒 ݁ ₊ process over outcome.

sure, while it's great to imagine our ideal life, simply visualizing it won't automatically lead us to success. It can certainly boost our motivation, but relying solely on wishful thinking won't take us to our desired destination. enjoy the process of achieving your goal rather than just focusing on the end result.

O6 𝜗𝜚 𓈒 ݁ ₊ focus on yourself.

this is super cliche, i know. but it truly has a significant impact. Picture this -> you're sitting for a math exam, and you glance over at your desk partner's work, only to see completely different answers. You've always admired this person, so you quickly assume your answers must be wrong and decide to change them to match theirs. When the results come back, you discover that your original answers were spot on, but now you've failed because you chose to follow someone else instead of trusting your gut. Just because others are taking a different path doesn't mean it's the right one for you, or that the other person is necessarily "correct". It's important to remember that comparing ourselves to others can lead to unnecessary stress and self-doubt. Stay true to yourself and your own journey!

O7 𝜗𝜚 𓈒 ݁ ₊ become knowledgeable.

during school, we all learn about basics like maths and english. Exploring fascinating subjects like philosophy, geography, and astronomy can really broaden your horizons. You can also research topics that relate to your interests, such as anatomy, colour theory, fashion history, etc.

O8 𝜗𝜚 𓈒 ݁ ₊ stop with the shit talking.

talking ill about others is possibly the most unattractive thing you could possibly do. Afterall, what goes around comes around, and it will come to bite you back.

O9 𝜗𝜚 𓈒 ݁ ₊ kindness is key.

smile at strangers, say hi to people you know in the halls. engage in light conversations and share compliments with those around you. Being recognized as "the friendly one" can lead to countless opportunities for friendships and relationships. Step out of your comfort zone a bit! Just a simple smile can brighten someone's day, often in ways you might not even notice.

1O 𝜗𝜚 𓈒 ݁ ₊ i can't relate to desperation ♪

he doesn't want you? that's fine, move on. certain things just aren't meant to be, so don't push it. if someone doesn't like you, there's nothing you can do about it. why waste your time on some dumb guy?

[psicheanima]

Rodya Linguistic Analysis

Do not mention any events after Canto 2 in the notes or tags of this post, thank you.

Rodya’s most noticeable feature about her language is her switches between a casual, almost theatrical register when she’s “playing a part” (always) and a more restrained, terse style when she’s upset.

Rodya’s sentences are mostly mid-length, often using ellipses and dropping subjects or auxiliary verbs. These omissions help create a conversational tone that feels intimate and offhand, as though she is speaking to people with whom she has established a rapport with no matter who the subject is.

Her speech is casual and free-flowing, more like natural conversation than structured prose. There’s a rhythm to it—almost musical, with interjections and rhetorical flourishes. Her loose, easygoing sentence structure makes her approachable. It reinforces her need to be liked, to feel included.

However, when the conversation starts creeping toward something painful, she breaks it up with childish phrasing, either steering things away before they can get too heavy or trying to dismiss the importance of her very own emotional involvement by dumbing herself down as she frequently does with Sonya. Note her inability to let the conversation end on a sincere note, diminishing both herself and him, and both the ideals that drove them apart in the same way.

[His idealistic self-important role (dweeb’s leadership) vs her impulsive hands-on-involvement (being a rowdy rascal).]

It’s the verbal equivalent of leaving home to avoid facing what she’s done—avoidance is second nature to her.

She doesn’t speak in clear-cut subject-verb-object constructions when dealing with difficult emotions. Instead, she hedges, leans on metaphors, and sidesteps direct statements or explicit emotional qualifiers such as “I feel”, “I’m upset”. Even when she tries to be honest, she can’t quite say it outright. By the end of her canto, die to her distress, this becomes heavily exaggerated.

Rodya frequently uses rhetorical compliment-fishing questions as a way to signal emotional distress without directly expressing vulnerability. These questions aren’t meant to solicit an answer but rather to create a sense of distance from the topic at hand and a sense among her peers that she thinks highly of herself. It’s a way for her to challenge the situation indirectly while avoiding exposing any deeper emotional reactions.

Similarly, Rodya often holds back information until she’s ready to release it, framing her omissions as strategic rather than due to a lack of trust. Her phrasing creates an illusion that her withholding of the truth is somehow rooted in a sisterly sort of “looking out”, rather than her over reliance on herself. (This cynical nature being what makes her “take things into her own hands” in District 25.)

Rodya uses diminutives for both people and objects as a form of pragmatic softening, disarming, and maintaining social dominance rather than a more straightforward, simple affection. This faux-friendless allows her to control interactions and maintain friendless while keeping others at a comfortable emotional distance. In this case, she switches to a dismissive “sweetie” rather than her usual “babe”. Both show camaraderie, but her true intentions for the nicknames aren’t related to that rather than letting her have a sense of it is without actually putting in the work of forming an open connection with someone.

She’s actually the harshest toward the people she cares about the most. Dante and Gregor, both of whom she has clear affection for (and in Dante’s case, respect), are the ones she dehumanizes the most in a light hearted, almost casually cruel offhanded way— exclusively when it comes to their deformities. But that disgust is performative. When she truly dislikes someone, her insults are ironic, distant, and impersonal— just as when she dislikes something, she avoids it.

This tracks with how she handles difficult topics. When forced to confront something serious, her tone shifts—she drops the embellishments, speaks in a more neutral, detached way, and keeps things short and to the point. Even when she uses metaphorical abstractions, it’s to create distance between herself and her emotions, not to add a flourish to her words like she usually does. Though her speech is still littered with contractions, it’s more of a street-wise woman than the immaturity she fakes.

The substance of her speech is secondary to the performance itself. She's not necessarily interested in whether what she says is deeply impactful, but rather in conveying an image of confidence, independence, and self-sufficiency. This reflects a deeper insecurity, a need to assert control over how she is perceived (as she feels Sonya has so deeply misunderstood her) without directly confronting her own vulnerabilities.

In conclusion: Rodya’s seemingly childish language is a deliberate choice, each word selected with care. Her True Tone is cold, and every sentence is purposeful—used to deflect, protect, or control. By minimizing her intellect or trivializing serious matters, she’s able to shield herself.

[moonsaver]

Thinking back to a post you once made about Aeon Sunday… Imagine being someone who knew Sunday in the past before his ascension, only to then receive the gaze of Aeon Sunday later in life

Oh my god. I love this. This is simultaneously creepy AND oddly romantic.

Theres a lot of possibilities for this – was reader sunday's crush? A suitor? Maybe just someone he shared small talk with and actually liked it more than usual? Ooohohoho

Im not sure if its yan or not, so i just kinda.. kept it variable(?)

This ones a bit longer because i desperatley need to wordvomti . Thanks.

Achieving an aeon's gaze is strange, your discipline, morals, ideals, lifestyle, something has to deeply resonate with their followed path. Let us assume Sunday is something similar to a "dreamlike" aeon [maybe it's mentioned in his boss form description, all i remember is the embryo of Philosophy ;;]

But again, it's not exactly stated how you'd be able to achieve an aeon's gaze; i still have no idea how acheron did it [IX is literally a black hole??], because i cant for the life of me read through those huge blocks of texts in the dialogue.

So lets say Sunday's able to pull his own strings and maybe even force you on that path. He's an aeon – who's stopping him?

Its the middle of the night, you're awake in bed, tossing and turning. It feels like something in your chest is pulling, a weird sensation you've been trying to put off. Your eyes are burning from the lack of sleep, but your mind seems restless. You try to calm yourself down and think about one thing and then another, one by one, until you remember Sunday. You wonder what was going through his mind, his in-between words in that one conversation, what he could have meant..

And like that, you fall asleep. Your bones sink into the bed, your weight relaxes into the pliant surface.

And then you awake. But somewhere else. It's not your bedroom – not the familiar ceiling, nor the corner of your room with piled clothes or a messy table. It's the cosmos, littered with stars. It's strange. You almost don't notice until you try to move – you're floating in space.

You turn, and he's there. That recognizable golden halo, stretching out into the dark expanse like the inside of a star plunging into the depths, golden eyes that peer down at you; with recognition, understanding, almost sympathy, and something you can't quite place. Your ribs ache and your lungs burn when you're reminded to breathe – this is the man you were thinking about before you slept.

You wake up, panting, shooting up in bed. The familiar space of your room greets you this time. The night is young outside your window ‐ not much time seems to have passed in that brilliant moment.

You were ready to chalk it up to a dream, like the ones where you feel like you're falling and wake up with a racing heart. But then you look down, and see a strange symbol on your body, something akin to an eye.

It seems you've earned his blessing to follow his path.

And even more? It seems like you're the first person to actually follow this path.

It's strange and isolating in a way. You can awaken from the sweetdream paradise your beloved Aeon seems to have put penacony under. You gain this strange, superflous, iridescent ghost of a halo, and you realise you can use it to communicate.

You can communicate with Sunday.

But a part of you finds it pointless. you can't understand what he's saying anymore; Aeons' existence transcends language. You can only hear whispers of people speaking to you, as though it's from the corner of a room, somewhere in the distance, with one barely audible male voice standing out in the whispering; it might be sunday's real voice, but you're not sure. At least, to some degree, you've managed to make out a few words.

Some words give you information. You can monitor the true handiwork of your aeon this way. Every person's dream — sweet, deep slumbers, exquisitely woven by deft fingers, all in 7 days. You figured this when you phased out of the dream, looking down at your own sleeping body and freaking out, when Sunday communicated with you for the first time, instantly calming you down. Dream. Woven. 7 days. Those words were evident in the cacophony of whispers.

Some words carry warnings. Or rather, they're not exactly words.

When your curious hands boldly trace the surface of a particularly fragile dream, you hear breathing. In close proximity, too, as if its right behind your ear. Sometimes, if you try to wake someone, you feel the breathing; warm, and languidly flowing down the back of your collar. You've chosen to not find out what happens when you don't listen.

Sometimes, when you decide to simply phase out of the dream to take a look at your own body in reality – you talk to Sunday. You tell him what you think, who you met in the dreamscape, what he can do to make it better [since.. well, you can't exactly do much to awaken anyone or oppose an aeon]. You assume he doesn't hear you, since you don't get your whispery response, but after you catch a few glimpses of your suggestions in the dreamscape, you realise he's just a good listener.

Perhaps, even if you may be the only follower of this path for now.. it may not be as isolating as you think.

[imbecominggayer]

Creating The Mythology For Writing

This is the topic that @melda0m3 has request of me with the specific quote as: "How to write legends about gods? I have my whole god system and their basic lore, but can never figure out how to make legends and such"

So, following this advice post, I will only be talking about how to create legends for your established gods and I will not be talking about how to create gods.

Writing Legends

Legends, as defined by a quick google searchl, are a traditional story sometimes popularly regarded as historical but unauthenticated.

Legends are also classified as myths since myths are traditional stories that were meant to explain a physical or social phenomena.

For example, the "marriage" between Hades And Persephone was meant to explain seasons as Demeter(the goddess of harvest) destroyes all the plants when Persephone is in the underworld for six months.

Using the real-life reason for legends and myth exist can help provide a clearer, more concise, guideline to make use of.

Of course, your characters won't discuss every single legend within the story so you need to write the legends which will be noteworthy to the plot.

For example, you can highlight the mythology that explains why your characters have inhuman characteristics and why {SOMETHING} is happening.

However, mythology doesn't only exist around the natural. Legends are also weaved around battles, important individuals, and other such things.

This is due to the fact that legends are often the most influencial piece of propaganda within the world. Legends often serve to disparate certain communities within a conflict as failing to win the cover of God.

However, this propaganda also serves to paint certain individuals in an almost heavenly light where their ability to present themselves as a seemingly supernatural creature provides untold benefits for them. A real-life example of this is the Legend of King Arthur.

HOW IS IT APPLICABLE FOR YOU(Story Ideas) ?

Characters have a vested interest in making themselves appear better than they actually are. They may attempt to utilize legends in order to appear like they are God's favorite child.

Countries have a desire to always appear victorious and idealized. This can create it's own sort of reflection chamber where exaggerate stories of grandeur can create a mutation of beliefs so profound that when your characters step outside of the country, reality is vastly different.

Gods are the most likely to manipulate legends to cast their enemies in an unlikeable light while portraying themselves as perfect. This can lead to a highly complicated hodge-podge of contradictory information.

I hope I did well by you @melda0m3 :)

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

TEXTBOOK CITATIONS ON IMMORAL SEX | S. GETOU ft. F. TOJI

✮ tags ; porn no plot, afab + fem!reader (good girl, little girl once sarcastically by toji, pretty), mild degradation (dirty girl, a bitch in heat), professor!getou + security guard!toji, dubcon, imbalanced power dynamics, age gaps(10+ years), mild coercion / blackmail, spit play, wet ‘n messy sex, face-fucking, oral (f +m!recieving), spanking, restraints, dirty talk, creampie / unprotected sex, 18+

✮ wc ; 10.6k

✮ synopsis ; You’re willing to do anything to pass your intro course. Whatever it takes. No cost is too high.

✮ a /n ; a comm for the beloved @fushironi !!! thank you for commissioning me and letting me post your work. if anyone is interested in a commission i will be reopening them at some point this month hopefully

A SIDE NOTE: THIS IS VERY CONSENSUAL!! but the relationship is inherently unethical so the dubcon tag is there. and this is. just smut. no plot no brain. just porn.

You're failing ethics. 

You're failing ethics and failing it badly. 

You refuse to take all of the blame for your failures. Some of it is your fault, but most of it is the fault of your good-for-nothing academic advisor. You're not sure what they get paid for, since it seems like there's an elaborate prank going on between staff and you're the only one not in on the joke. In what universe is it possible, plausible - that an individual could get paid for doing everything but their job? 

Apparently this one. But whatever. 

In your last semester of university, on the edge of graduating and totally on the right track - you're informed that you're not going to be able to graduate in the expected time frame because you are missing a single course. You learn this information about two days before registrations close, which means all the meaningful classes contributing to your major are booked and busy. Everything is full, and everything that isn't doesn't contribute to your degree. As in, even if you took it - it wouldn't give you what you need to graduate. 

After a full-blown mental break, a long night crying yourself to sleep in your dorm, and an egregious amount of begging - you managed to snag yourself a class. It wasn't ideal by any stretch of the imagination, and it did put quite the strain on your schedule. Straight out of your 8am lab - you had to speed walk to the other end of campus and make sure you made it to lecture. The lecture time itself was an hour and twenty minutes, attendance mandatory, twice a week - which meant you had to delay lunch again till afterwards and learn on empty fumes till 1 pm. 

Still, better than not graduating at all. 

You'd hoped (expected?) that the course itself would be about average in coursework. For one, it's an intro class. Intro to Ethics or PHIL-2467, with Professor Getou Suguru. Secondly, the actual listed coursework seems simple enough. Discussion boards, reading analysis, and a few papers made up for most of the grade. The expectations were outlined as clearly as they could be. 

You didn't really know anything about Professor Getou at the time, only that his ratemyprofessor described him as somewhat strict but mostly good. 

In any case, you'd consider yourself lucky. And in an effort not to freak out about your circumstances, you'd practically chanted to yourself each night the same mantra. Everything was going to be fine. You've taken nearly 120 hours of coursework, and a little extra time won't kill you. At the start of the semester, you fully believed it too. Bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and utterly naive.

How could a single course torment you like this? You hadn't the faintest clue. At first, it struck you as odd that the course felt as difficult to grasp as it did. The readings were complex and extremely long but always said a lot of nothing. Much of your grade was dependent not only on assigned work but participation and discussion. The paper criteria was only simple on the surface, but proved to be too lengthy to comprehend and too difficult to fulfill. 

Long story short, the class was kicking your ass. And the ass-kicking slowly progressed into a failure so bad it was laughable. You're in your final year, and that means taking a lot of difficult and specified courses in relation to your major. You were at the point where your classmates were starting to thin out, and you were seeing the same group of people you had as a freshman. As far as prioritizing goes, a 3-credit hour course that isn't technically meaningful to you falls to the very bottom of your priorities. You're more concerned with things like job-hunting and finishing your capstone and all the stuff related to your actual career. 

So you've been half-assing all the papers and exams, falling asleep in class, and lowkey straight up ignoring the weekly discussion boards. 

However, above everything else, the worst part of your class is your professor. Professor Getou Suguru. PhD in Comparative Ethics with a Masters in Cognitive Science. 

You didn't really have a chance to speak with any of your friends about Professor Getou, despite it being in your best interest - because you only knew you had the class two days before it started. You'd come to learn only two things about him after attending. First, he's a complete hardass when it comes to grading any assignments, and second most of his merit comes from the fact he is ridiculously good-looking. 

He can't be any older than his late thirties or early forties, which means he's young. Young enough to be attractive but old enough for most of your peers to thirst for him in unhealthy ways. He's at least a decade and a half older than you, and by god does he make it clear. 

What they don't tell you about college is that there's nothing that can make or break a class more than your professor. Everyone is always too worried about everything else, about getting their schedule right - that they often overlook this basic tenet of college life even though it's so crucial. The worst part is that while various websites rating your professors are helpful, you won't truthfully know how you feel about a professor until you've met them in a classroom. You've had professors with lower ratings be absolute angels, and professors with higher ones being some of the most useless in your entire academic career. 

You were hoping that Professor Suguru would be what you expected. That his astounding 4.5/5 would be a meaningful assessment of his character, that he would be tolerable and polite and understanding and that your semester would be smooth sailing because of it. 

But of course, of course - that couldn't be further from the truth.

You don't know at what point exactly your relationship to Professor Suguru became as sour as it is right now. There's no real pivotal movement where mild intolerance became full-blown and outright distaste. But part of it, you know, stems from the fact your beloved professor is a snake. 

You have no idea how no one else notices it. It genuinely feels like you're the only one who catches the subtleties of his behavior. There's just something about him that's a little…off. The irony isn't lost on you. He's an ethics professor, but something about him makes alarm bells go off in your head. A walking red flag, though a handsome one. He's off in a subtle way, but more than that - he's very openly smug to every single one of his students. It's just that no one else seems to really care. The air of pretension that surrounds him in his every movement is suffocating. Maybe that's part of the charm, if the way girls flock to him after class is anything to go by. 

Even so, you just know there's something deliberate about his casual cruelties. He always seems to pick out the quiet kids, and from the beginning of your semester to now - he always, always manages to single you out of the crowd of students. In every class, in every discussion, in every chance he has to make you out to be a troublemaker he will. 

Yes, you don't really have any idea how it started. But you've been keeping a long record of every single act of personal terror that damned man has been inflicting on you since the start of the course, and you're not unconvinced that your shit grade is in part because he wants to see you grovel in front of him. 

The first time it happened - you figure it was a coincidence. He had called you out in class after you missed a discussion board. You hadn't done the reading, and it wasn't obviously humiliating but it singled you out all the same. When you fumbled coming up with an answer, he gave you a smug smile that so quickly morphed into a fake sincere one, you wondered if you were imagining things. 

The second time was when you came in late after a walk of shame, and Professor Suguru greeted you by the door by asking if those were the same clothes you wore yesterday. After being completely mortified by it, the once dark gaze immediately rescinded to his usual fake-calm self. It was suspicious, but not the concrete evidence you needed. 

And the third time was after your first project of the semester. Your grade was lower than you deserved, and you knew it - so you went to his office hours to bitch and moan to get it bumped up. But he wouldn't budge, saying that he thought his assessment was accurate. Made a smug face as he told you he just didn't think you thought your points out through. Unfair critiques shielded by flowery words and polite gestures. It was that moment that cemented the dislike, though it wasn't the start.

The beginning of the end, so to speak.

Ever since then, you've harbored nothing but dislike for him. You can see past his pretty face and you don't see anything good. You've had unpleasant professors before, but none have ever targeted you so specifically. None of your previous professors, even at the worst, seemed to hold such an unbelievable personal grudge. 

You're all alone, fighting an invisible battle. 

The worst of it though, is that you simply couldn't be bothered to give a shit about it for most of the semester. You had way too much going on, so you just had to put up with the inexplicable dread of attending that class until you had to deal with it again eventually. 

And after months and months of avoiding the issue head-on, you're at a point where you can no longer do so. Your grade is officially below a C after bombing your last quiz, and there's only 5 weeks left until your semester is over and you're barred from graduation. 

And you have no fucking idea what you should do about the situation. 

__

There's a subtle pit of dread in your stomach as you enter your first philosophy lecture of the week. 

For the first time since the start of the semester, Professor Getou doesn't antagonize you as soon as you enter the door. In a strange way, this makes you kind of uncomfortable. He gives you his usual fake smile, but the fact he's gone out of his way to leave you alone makes you feel like he's planning something. 

You brush your paranoia aside as you take a seat in the back of your class. You don't have any friends in this lecture, at least not ones you do more than greet. You sit closer to the back of the lecture hall, tucked into a corner and up a few steps.

The charms on the end of your book bag zippers click together as you take your seat. You open your laptop - pulling up the lecture slides to pretend to study while opening 2048 to play while Professor Getou goes on about his business. You're hoping he's going to go easy on you today, and that his lack of interference is a sign of mercy. 

More people start to trickle in and the classroom is the usual amount of packed it is by this point in the semester. The last day to drop passed last week, so the number of students has decreased despite it being spring semester. 

Your professor starts his lecture as soon as the clock hits 11:30am. You look up from your computer, watching him as he sets up his slide deck and waits for all the conversation to settle before he begins talking.

He catches your eyes briefly before he continues, but he holds it for long enough that you know it's intentional. You frown at him, and it almost looks like he laughs - but you can't be sure your mind isn't tricking you into thinking that. 

"Good morning everybody," His voice is smooth and pleasant - hair tied up neatly. He's wearing his usual attire. Black slacks, and a loose-fitting white shirt with some kind of canvas shoe. "How's everybody hanging in there? Good? Bad?" 

He takes a look around the room, gauging peoples replies before chuckling. 

"Not in good shape huh? Stick it out, a few more weeks and you'll be out of here. Today, we're going to continue on into section five of our coursework - the shortest of all of our other sections," He grabs something that clicks the slide into the next one, a few images next to a wall of text "We have a lot to cover in the last few weeks, but I want to start with a refresh of what concepts we've been learning for the last few weeks." 

The swiftness in the way his eyes land on you is comical in its predictability. You give him an uncomfortable half-smile as he calls your name and brings the class's attention your way. A few looks of pity don't go unnoticed. You stiffen, straighten your back as he says your name slowly before asking. 

"Do you think you can tell me, what are the four core structures that define modern Japanese philosophical thinking?" 

There's real, uncomfortable weight to his gaze that makes you choke. You pull back slightly. 

"Uhm, well - there's Shintoism, Confucianism, Buddhism and western ideology. Primarily German idealism."

He gives you a smug look, the same one you always see before it fades off to an uncannily brilliant smile. Not a sincere one, because when is it ever - but there all the same. 

"Someone's been studying hard huh? But you are correct. We've spent the majority of this class going over the first three. How Shinto tradition, Confucianism, and Buddhism were experienced in Japan - isolated from Anglo-Saxon influence for the first few centuries of its establishment. We've also studied the vague historical timeline of these influences, mostly focusing on modern philosophy. We've covered Edo period philosophy as a precursor for what we know and understand now." 

You can say a lot about Professor Getou, but more than anything - he has a certain way of commanding the room's attention that never lets you get completely comfortable. He has an air of charisma you've never seen in your life and being in close proximity to it makes you feel like you're being swept in by waves larger than life. 

You fidget almost anxiously as you wait for him to continue his lesson.

"Our last few weeks are going to cover the culmination of your previous lessons, and what dictates both national morality and the hierarchy of modern Japanese social mores - Bushido. The way of the Samurai." 

Professor Getou continues with this slide deck as he outlines Bushido conceptually. From its existence as a moral code in late 12th century Japan, to the many misconceptions about the strictness in which it was adhered. He starts the lessons like he starts many others, explaining misconception and myth before touching the surface of the subject at hand. 

It's in his nature to advocate for the whole truth. From the start of your classes to now, Professor Getou always places the same emphasis. If only that truth is unable to be understood without opposition. It's like his whole being is constructed by it, opposition that is always radical and jaw-dropping. You've known this about him since he voiced his open critique for certain ideas about social welfare and about the emphasis of national morality. 

You can't be certain what he really believes - only that he'll voice his views as critically as possible, if only to stir the room. 

"Bushido is the heart and soul of modern and postmodern Japanese ethics, but it remains critically undefined despite its usage and citation functionally. Other philosophical schools of thought have strict definitions - Bushido is evolutionary in nature. Inazo Nitobe is primarily credited with the modern and popular interpretation of Bushido, but has received criticism for its obvious influence from Western ideas, and its comparison to chivalry."

Professor Getou sits back on the edge of his desk with a look on his face. 

"The tendency of Japanese philosophy to lean into metaphysics does not align with the many values of infrastructure and military present in the culture now, but I'm not going to critique the philosophy for you," He skips to the next slide, your last project of the semester on the wall "For the sake of brevity, I'm going to have you write a paper on one of the eight outlined ideals in Nitobe's work, and I want you to reflect on that ideal in your paper." 

A collective whispering erupts in the class as people stress about the assignment of their final few weeks. Not unexpected given the circumstances. Professor Getou doesn't flinch as he waits for the room to settle down.

"This will be your final project in this classroom, and will count as your final grade. On one hand, doing a good job on it means you have nothing to worry about for the last few weeks. On the other it's make or break," He locks eyes with you again as he says this, startling you as his smile grows coy and inauspicious "So if you're in need of a good grade to pass you, I'd recommend coming to see me during office hours or during one-on-one time so I can get you the grade you need. We'll discuss more at the end of class, but we've gotta get through more lectures so you can get an idea of what you can pick."

He gives you one another look, another pointed and obviously direct look, before he proceeds on with his lecture. It gives you a bad feeling in your stomach, and maybe you're being too self-centered thinking he's focusing too much on you.

But you can't help it, swallowing down your uncertainty as you continue on with the lesson. 

You need to pass this class. 

___ 

You meet up with Nobara after the fact. 

She's a good sounding board for your problems as usual. Where you're always looking for the most civil solutions, she's good at giving it to you straight on what you should do. She's no bullshit and you like that about her. Whenever you need a kick in the ass or an ounce of courage, she's the person for the job.

 So after meeting up for lunch, ranting again about Professor Getou (for the hundredth—no, thousandth time), and whining about his weird behavior, you're expecting some semi-sound, if not mean advice on what you should do. 

"Have you thought about just fucking him?" She says instead, her voice full of sincere boredom. It comes out so casually, like she's relaying the news cycle to you - and you can't help but be utterly shocked listening to it. "Not that it was my first suggestion, but I mean…it's getting ridiculous." 

"Hello? Where the hell did that come from? What do you mean just fucking him?" 

She gives you a sideways glance of disdain as if you were the one saying something unreasonable. She leans forward into her hand mirror, gluing on her eyelashes for her afternoon date with Maki. She scoffs when she realizes your shock is genuine. 

"Are you serious? Does this not read as an elaborate scheme for this total jackass to fuck you?" 

You're flabbergasted. Surely she's not being serious with you. 

"Nobara." 

"Haah? Tch. Don't make that face. It's a gross abuse of his power but well, he's not ugly. If he were any younger of a professor, would you like… not assume that was the end game?" 

"Nobara, he's a professor of ethics. His whole career is ethics." 

"Yeah. Like. The perfect cover for wanting to screw his wide-eyed, desperate students. He's a hot, young professor. Not my type but you get me. Don't you think it's a little naive to assume his personal vendetta against you is shit, I don't know… totally lacking that motive? Think with your brain, not your tender little heart for a minute, okay?" 

"It's not that!" 

"Really? Just like your relationship with Mr. Fushiguro is totally platonic?" 

"I said it was one-sided, not platonic." 

"You're my whole heart and soul, you know that right? I didn't freak on you when you said you had a crush on Megumi's deadbeat dad. You're my salvation from the idiots we call guy friends. So I'm saying this with love, and not as the complete bitch you know me as - you're being dumb." 

"Nobara, are you seriously saying you think this whole thing is about him wanting to," You can barely even get the words out. You're not that much of a prude but god. "Wanting to have… sex with me?" 

"Yeah. What else would it even be? I think an awful man is interested in screwing you - a hot, capable twenty-something. Are you stupid? Is that like, sooo impossible for you to consider?"

"Well it's not the first place I would think to go, that's for sure." 

"And that's your whole problem. Don't get me wrong, again, totally gross. Is it like.. a total abuse of his authority? Yeah. But that doesn't have anything to do with you personally. If I'm right, and you fuck him - you get a good lay and to graduate. And you need both."

"Nobara!"

"Don't be mad, I love you, okay? But I'm thinking about your future and your prospects. There's nothing wrong with it on a technical level."

"That is so untrue and you know it—"

"Look. I don't like it. I think it's a weak move and kind of corny and gross. But you've been planning your big graduation for years. And it's not a bad opportunity, and you're not a complete idiot. You said before that he's never inappropriate with the other girls right? You might even be the only one. As far as I'm concerned, there's no reason for you to not get laid and pass." 

"Oh, so the student-teacher thing isn't reason enough?" 

"Not if you wanna graduate it's not." 

The two of you remain at a stand-still as his words trap you into a corner. How the hell do you even deal with this information? And how on Earth is she so sure of herself anyways? You think you're pretty good with signs, at least about things like this.

But it doesn't feel like flirting. He's never flirted with any of the students in class, despite how much they seem to fawn over him. Could this weird, psychological dance you've been doing for the last twelve weeks be some sort of unspoken foreplay ritual? 

The more you think about it, the less it seems implausible to you. There's a wave after that, some cross between impending doom and shameful arousal blooming up inside of you as everything hits you all at the same time. 

When you return to reality after being trapped in your thoughts, Nobara gives you a mindful (almost pitiful) smile and shakes her head. You frown at her in reply, squeezing the bridge of your nose. 

"If it were like literally anyone else, I'd totally tell them it's a bad idea. But it's not like you're going on to date him, and you're what - 24? because of your gap year so you're not a preteen like some of the freshmen in your class. I just don't see any reason not to go for it." 

You tamp down the small voice in the back of your head, encouraging you to do - and instead ask her a follow-up question. 

"...Do you think I should attend his office hours tomorrow, yes or no? I have to email him by tonight to get the one on one." 

"Yeah. Yes. And shave before you go." 

__

You decide, for the sake of your sanity and everyone else's - to ignore Nobara's odd implications about what Professor Getou wants from you and to attend his office hours.

(That's a partial lie, you figure - given the fact you did shave, and shower before attending. You're wearing something kind of nice underneath. But you still don't think he wants to fuck you. It's more of a safety precaution than anything else.)

 You made the game plan last night that you would go, present your idea, and then beg him to be kind to you during the grading process. You even developed a list of things to sob and cry about it to generate something of a sob story if everything went awry. You've forsaken your pride. The only thing that you need to get out of this meeting is a passing grade. 

And that is, of course, by any means necessary. 

Fearing for your life, the state of your mood improves as you approach the building hosting Professor Getou's office. Of all of the people you interact with semi-regularly on campus (all of which you are quite fond of), Nobara wasn't lying about your affection for campus security guard - Toji Fushiguro.

He's an older man. Older than you by double digits, and from what you can tell - older than even your professor. You've been fond of him ever since he brought you back to your dorm after a horrible break-up with your ex as a sophomore. He's got a rough edge, and there's plenty of unverified rumors of his past. You know that he has something of a criminal record too. 

But for all of those rumors, and for all the things you hear about him - he's been one of the highlights of your campus experience. You've had a one-sided school-girl crush on him ever since that night, because you were sober enough to catch his body and how it feels. He was strong. Not in an average way. He made it so effortless when he was carrying you home in his arms - and it's not the first time you've seen him lug around things at least over 300 pounds like they were nothing. 

But attractiveness aside, he is uncharacteristically good at cheering you up. He's funny and witty, all while maintaining a cool facade. He's endearing in his own way too, and you're a little head over heels for him though you'd never push yourself to make the first move. 

Still, when he sees you come towards the building - he greets you with a wide smile. The scar over his busted lip - split open and welcoming as you run up to him for a hug. He's normally patrolling around campus, so it feels lucky to catch him where you least expect. 

He wraps you up with a single arm, your feet temporarily lifting from the ground before you get put back down again. 

"Mr. Fushiguro, what are you doing here?"

"I got moved over here since there's been some rumor about someone stealing from the labs upstairs. So I'm on lock up duty for this building 'till it gets fixed up and solved," He says, voice as smooth as ice "What about you sweetheart? It's gonna get dark out soon." 

"Ah, I have office hours with Professor Getou today. I need to consult with him about a paper." 

"That right? Just gonna be you in there, then?" 

"Yep. I'm gonna go in there and beg him for a good grade on our next assignment. So for the sake of my sanity, please wish me luck?" 

Mr. Fushiguro tilts his head to one side, grinning. 

"Wouldn't that mean you graduate sooner instead of later? Can't wish ya luck on that." He says, making you flush and letting the feeling linger before continuing "Just kiddin'. A pretty face like yours should do you just fine. Knock 'em dead." 

"I feel a lot better about it with your encouragement." You say honestly. Mr. Fushiguro gives you a laugh.

"Treat me to something if my luck makes any difference. And hurry in. Last thing you'd wanna do is be late." 

You nod, wide-eyed and dazed by how charismatic he is before you rush into the building. It's silent, given how late in the school day it is. Most people have already gone home, with the exception of the other poor souls likely chasing down their professors for the same reasons as you. 

You feel an overwhelming sensation of dread as you encroach upon Professors Getou's office. There's no one else in the close vicinity, only a few closed classrooms and students who are passing by the small corner where his door resides - most of which are making their way to leave. 

You decide to take a deep breath, calming your shaken nerves before knocking politely once on his door and entering the room. 

Professor Getou's office looks like how you'd expect it to look. It's clean, and sleek - and lacking almost completely of items of personal effect with the exception of his desk. It's the first time you've ever been inside of the room before, but it smells distinctly of him. He has that same scent surrounding him, like flicks of nicotine and a hint of bergamot. Sweet with the taste of metallic bitterness, like blood and sugar.

You feel the back of your throat bob as you see your Professor sitting at his desk. It's lacking his usual gracefulness. His shirt is unbuttoned down by three entire buttons, and his slacks seem looser. Most notable is his hair - classically long, now in a loose bun with pieces falling all on his shoulders and rolling down his neck. 

You think of what Nobara said to you earlier in the day alone, a strange and overwhelming sensation of lust and embarrassment making it difficult for you to open your voice and talk.

It's Professor Getou who greets you first. He looks up from whatever he was reading and looks at you from where you stand awkwardly at his door. His smile widens, though it's just by a little. 

"Ah, I was wondering when you'd be here. Looks like you're right on time." He says first, sitting up in his chair but not bothering to gather himself in any way otherwise "Come on in and sit. I assume you're here to talk about your grade."

 You sit across from him hesitantly, hands folded in your lap as you put your bag down on the floor. 

He studies you quietly. There's a long stretch of silence, where neither of you do anything but sit in each other's company.

He breaks the silence first.

"So, while I have a guess," He says, elbows on his desk "Do you want to talk to me about what you're here for?" 

You've practiced the dialogue in your head so many times now. What to do and how to say what you need too, but the words seem to fizzle out completely when it's time to really say them. Leaving nothing but uncertainty, you open your mouth only to close it once again. 

"Uhm," Your voice strains trying to make the words out into a coherent sentence. "I came to talk about my paper. And my grade, like you mentioned in class."

"So you decided to heed my advice? Good girl, that was a smart choice," You try not to be taken aback by the pet name - unsure if it's as inappropriate as you think it is "Do you know what virtue you want to cover?" 

"I thought I would pick uhm, righteousness - and then pull from some of the Western ethics we learned about. Making uh, connections between deontological ethics and duty and how it relates to the defined idea of righteousness," You explain nervously, an uncomfortable laugh bubbling out of your throat "How practicing duty and righteousness relate to each other."

 "Hmm. Sounds like you've had time to think about it a little, then."

"I uhm, haven't finished the reading but I did take a look over my section to see if I could make it work." 

"I think you have something to work with. You'll need to straighten out the thesis of your paper into something more tangible. I know that's an ironic ask. But I think it's a good idea," He gives you a brief glance, studies you with eyes. Snake-like. Something coils inside of you, tickles and brushes against your skin and makes the hairs on the back of your neck raise "It seems like you have something more to tell me, though." 

Do you? Is there anything more there? The answer lies indifferently on a scale from obviously to no. nothing at all and it haunts you that he's able to pick it out. 

"It's just well. Uhm. You know, I don't have the best grade in this class so I was more prepared to go down with my grade. You approved quicker than I thought you would." 

"Your grade is pretty abysmal. Did you come in here planning to beg?" 

You refrain from an instant yes, even though it's what you feel. Something about the way he says it makes your stomach clench. Your heart quickens. Your tongue feels too heavy in your mouth as you laugh uncomfortably. 

"Something like that? Uhm, or at least try to hash things out between us. I know our relationship over the c-course of the semester has been kind of sour so I…"

He cuts you off.

"Has it?" 

Your brain stutters to halt.

"Uhm. Yes?"

It's unpredictable, utterly and completely - the way he reflects on your words like you've said something incomprehensible. You aren't sure if that's sincere. You can't be sure if any of the words out of his mouth are. But he doesn't seem like he's lying. Your mind flashes to Nobara, and you find yourself speaking before you can stop it. It comes out like a flood.

 "I j-just always assumed you singled me out in class because you didn't like me? I don't mean to be accusatory, though."

"I'm afraid you've got the wrong idea," He says, shaking his head "I don't harbor any negative feelings for you at all."

"Oh," You say, eyes falling down to your lap again "Right, then." 

"You must be desperate for that passing grade, hm? If you're meeting with a professor you think hates you." 

You glance at him. 

"Well, yes. I want—need to pass this class. I've already planned my graduation for this semester." 

"And you'd be willing to do anything for that, is what you're implying?" 

"Yes," You say, with a sudden rush of unwavering confidence "Anything." 

"Let me ask you another question, then." He lets his elbows rest on the edge of his table, a familiar coy smile "Do you think there's any other reason for why I've been paying special attention to you, aside from me disliking you? You're a smart girl, so I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out." 

The weight of his words don't go unnoticed. The air feels heavy as it hangs between you. He couldn't be implying it so directly could he? Your mind drifts back to Nobara's warning to you, and your breath hitches. Your eyes widen as you glance up for the first time and give him a look of mild distress. 

And he smiles. His grin widens as soon as it dawns on you.

"Seems like you've reached an important conclusion," He says, casually - as he sits up in his chair and leans back. Stretched like nothing could get in his way "Why don't you share with the class?" 

"You," Your voice is a nervous tremor. You must be crazy. You must be completely out of your mind "...To sleep with me?" 

"See? I told you, you're a smart girl." 

The question is a burning one. One you've been wanting to ask since you started thinking about it last night. 

"B-but…why? And why me? A-and," 

"You have a tendency for being combative. You know that? An air of defiance. I can tell you're a little older than your peers. A little wiser, and a little more knowing of when to ask for help," Getou outlines, staring you down "And seeing you with that sense of desperation was exciting for me. I'm a man of simple tastes. At my age, I know what I want." 

"And I like when tough, combative, clever women turn into babbling, desperate, needy girls. I'm quite fond of it, actually." 

He's detrimentally serious. Your stomach flips. 

"Do you want to pass this class?" He asks you, an air of confidence surrounding him. You close your eyes, unsure if you can call it coercion when you're feeling so terribly willing about it. 

"Yes. I need to pass." 

"Then come up here," He gestures, widens his legs and leans back in his chair "And sit." 

Your body is burning. You don't know if you're even really in the situation, or if you've daydreamed it into something impossible. Something phantom moves you. Stands you to your feet shakily before walking in short strides. Professor Getou looks at you from where you stand over him. 

His hand brushes your outer thigh, patting it. 

"Sit." 

So you sit. You spread yourself and straddle your professor - and the reality dawns on you the minute you touch what you're doing. You haven't gotten laid in a bit, and he's nothing like anyone you've ever slept with. You feel out of your element. You get the impression he's a man, a grown one. There's a confidence in him that looms and looms and looms, overshadowing any of your doubt.

He's sexier up close. There's the faintest trace of smile lines on his expression as you look down at him. He guides your arms to loop around your neck, and holds your hips with his hands. 

Then you feel it, almost instantly - something hard and bulging pressing against the seam of your pants and against your crotch. He's already half-hard and he hasn't even kissed you. He grins at you lazily, like a cat with cream. 

"I'll pass you as soon as I put it in," His hands are so big - long, slender fingers gripping your ass "And give you extra credit when you cum for me. How's that sound?" 

You feel dirty. It's all happening so fast. Almost vulgar, but it's impossible to feel cheap. To believe in the wrongness of it when Professor Getou is so undeniably sexy. Wrong, on so many levels, to do this for the sake of your grade. Or just in general. Yet you want it, yearn for it, find the culmination of all your annoyances melting as he graces you himself. 

"I wanna pass," You say, uncharacteristically nervous about everything. You add the next part a little quieter "...I want it." 

"What do you want, exactly?" 

"Want you to fuck me." You admit, against your better judgment "Please?" 

"Gonna make a real pretty mess out of you," He says, voice smooth and serene. You look down at him. His knuckles brush against your jaw, on your cheek before his thumb holds on your lower mouth. His fingers push past the edge of your lips, sliding against your tongue and gently running along your teeth. He gags you on it, so slightly - enough to startle you but not enough to hurt. You feel spit pour from your lips. 

Thick messy strings of drool drip down the sides of your mouth. You want to back away in shame. But there's an air of intention behind the gesture. It's deliberate, the action - the mess and how it runs down your neck. Before you know it, he's kissing you in that same state. 

Professor Getou kisses like he's done it before.

His hands grip on your ass as he kisses hot and heavy. Self-assured, he sucks and bites at your mouth - sticking his tongue in and mixing his saliva with yours in a way that feels downright dirty. Yet it makes you throb, white-hot flames licking at the back of your thighs. The sparks of arousal crawl up your skin. 

Your nerves tighten as Professor Getou cups your face with one palm, kissing you with fervor. You melt into him, arms wrapped tightly around his neck. 

"Been thinking about what you would look like bent over my desk all semester," He says as he pulls away, looking on with admiration at your messy complexion "You wanna go on ahead and show me?"

Another wave of embarrassment washes over you, but you find yourself standing to your feet. Sliding your sweats off down your legs - your lower half is left bare with the exception of your feet. You lay or stomach on his desk, the cold wood sending chills up your whole body and your stomach and tits lay flat and squishy against the hard material. You stand, shoulder width apart, and present yourself in front of him. 

"That's what I like to see," His voice is rich and deep as he speaks. You can feel him inch towards you, pulling you apart with his palms before his hand comes down on your ass in one hard motion. The noise echoes against the walls of the room "See, I knew you could listen well when you had to." 

You don't say anything in reply, pressing your cheek against the desk. 

"W-what do I call you?" You ask, your voice trembling. You feel his fingers against the seam of your panties. He snaps the cotton waistband against your skin before humming thoughtfully, a light tap to your ass. 

"Getou is fine. Suguru is too. Sir if that makes you more comfortable."

 Getou makes a show of fondling you, though you can't see it - you can feel the way his eyes nearly swallow your naked lower half. How his fingers touch and prod all of your sensitive places, with some kind of keen observation. Everything Getou says is like that, keen and particular.

"Such a pretty pussy on you. Would've been such a waste if you didn't come to me."

You don't bother to ask what he means by that. Behind you, there's a noise. Of a chair rolling back, and the dull thud of knees hitting the ground. Before you know what's happening, there's a face dangerously close to your clothed pussy. The minute you try to squirm, there's a tight grip keeping you in place. He takes a deep breath. Without any real hesitance, you feel his tongue lick across the clothed material. 

In one fell swoop, he pulls your panties to one side and kisses your clit without any more real introduction. You're gripping the edge of the table you're bent over as you feel his tongue slide against the wet folds of your pussy, making your voice cry out involuntarily. Normally people would urge you to be quiet, but you got the feeling he didn't care if anyone heard you crying out for him. You get a second wave of intuition telling you he might even like it. 

A sensation of bliss washes over you as he sucks hungrily at your cunt. It feels good enough to be holy. There's such immense expertise in it that you can't help but succumb to it completely. The warm, heavy muscle gliding over sticky folds.

You're so lost in the pleasure, your mind completely blocks out the intrusion. The sense that would detect another person in the room disappears completely. You only know because of Getou, the way he stops and scoffs. It forces you to blink your eyes open. He speaks before you get the chance. 

"What are you doing here?" 

You recognize the voice instantly, and your heart drops through your stomach. 

"Thought I heard a ghost howling," Mr. Fushiguro says, his voice is rougher and deeper and older "Turn out it was just a little girl wanderin' into the woods." 

"If you can see I'm busy, why're you still here?"

You can't help but feel the second wave of overwhelming shock as you sit there, naked and unafraid. Still, they stand like nothing is wrong. Chat like they know each other somehow, but you have no idea in which way. All you can focus on is the bubbling, nauseating shame. 

"Oh god." You voice, but both others ignore. Mr.Fushiguro speaks first.

"This one is off-limits, Suguru. What kinda professor goes around fuckin' their innocent little students?"

"Just the one, Mr. Fushiguro. And I'd like to get back to business."

"Ah, no way I'm letting you off the hook. I could report this y'know? Make headlines. Ethics professor coerces student into sexual activity. It'd be big. 

Your heart drops. 

"Fuck off, would you? Does she look coerced?" 

A beat of silence. "Nah. Not with the way she's twitchin'. But it's not fun if I just let you go. How about you tap me in and I'll keep your little secret hm? She's gotta cute crush on me already."

Your heart flounces around in your chest, a muffled noise of shock escaping your lips as you squirm to move but are held, still, so firmly in place. Your expression and feelings all go through 5 stages of grief before settling at dumbfounded. They don't especially ask for your input, but you hear Professor Getou behind you.

"Fine, if it'll get you to shut up. And I'm fucking her first."

Strange. Nothing about today makes any sense. You don't miss the almost childish sense of competition in Getou's voice that changes your view of him in an instant. Humanizes him in the strangest and most unrecognizable ways. It lacks his usual virtue.

Mr. Fushiguro walks up in front of you, imposing. He's grinning, a well-worn smile on his face that you know. He helps you up, and you keep yourself upright on your arms as he grabs your chin with his palms. You look up at him wide-eyed, unsure of what to do.

"Dirty fucking girl aren't ya?" He says, though he almost sounds like he's impressed with himself 

"You into older men or is it a coincidence you're screwing 'im for your grade?"

You're speechless, and you moan a little pathetically as Getou doesn't stop eating you out. This only seems to make Mr. Fushiguro even more excited. You look up at him through wet lashes, unsure of what to do.

"Don't mind either way, just curious. Guess I'm a little sad 'cause I thought your little heart eyes around me made me special," He tells you this looking down at you, eyes locked. You can tell he's just teasing you, and it makes you twitch "But I guess that's not true, is it?"

"You're different. I uhm. Well it's true at least."

"Yeah? You're just letting both of us fuck you 'cause you're like a bitch 'n heat?"

You flush. He gives you a smile and a well-meaning laugh that makes your body feel warm with heat.

"Mind if we're a little rough on you, sweetheart?"

You shake your head.

"Good. Stick your tongue out and open your mouth for me then."

You listen, oblige the instructions almost obediently. Your face is still covered with spit from before. You watch idly, intently - as Mr. Fushiguro pulls his cock out from his black pants. The loose material covers him well, but as soon as they're down past his thighs - the outline of his cock borders on intrusive. Your eyes widen, fluttering and unfocused because it's hard to think about anything while feeling such intense pleasure.

But Mr. Fushiguro is captivating as he pulls himself out for you. His cock is thick and heavy, protruding but too much that it can't stand up on its own. Weighed down by gravity, you stare at it wide-eyed. It's the size of your forearm, so thick you can't possibly imagine what it feels like.

Your heart stammers. 

"It won't fit in my mouth." You say, gasping for air as if you're already suffocating on it "You're—you're so huge."

He laughs with an edge of snark. You blink at him in complete seriousness, taken aback. He lets the tip of his cock tap the plushness of your cheek before pressing against your lips. You stare at him, almost afraid.

"Of course it'll fit," He says in confidence "Just gotta make sure you're relaxed. So relax, sweetheart, and open your mouth for me." 

Hesitantly, you open your mouth wide. You feel the corners of your lips stretch around the intrusive, thick head of Mr. Fushiguro's cock. The taste of sweat and skin is invasive and heavy, violating your senses. Just the tip and it barely fits in your mouth. You try and concentrate, sticking your tongue out and curling it around the underneath of his cock, focusing on sucking just the tip. He groans above you, a hand on the back of your head. He doesn't force you down, but you can tell by the twitch in his fingers that he wants to.

"Look at you," He says, his voice coarse with restraint and desire "You're drooling on my cock while you're professors busy eatin' your pussy. Thought you were an innocent girl, but now I don't know what to believe."

He says this as he eases more into your mouth, slowly letting you adjust. He rocks his hips back and forth until you relax. You open yourself up, trying to focus on blowing him.

But a hand comes down on your ass, hard and heavy - making you yelp. The noise is muffled but audible. A short squeal, you can't turn your head to look 

"Don't you think you two are getting too comfortable upfront without me? I'm the one who decides your grades."

"Maybe you're not doing good enough for her to care."

You can feel a strange sense of competition between them, but you're too occupied to ask about it. How do they know each other, and for what reason do they seem so automatically hostile? It bothers you, but you can't think about it too hard.

"That's not true. Her pussy is soaking fucking wet." He punctuates his words with a harsh smack against your cunt, the force rippling through your as you bend forward and choke "Almost as messy as her face."

He's quick, again, to latch himself to your clit. He flicks it with his tongue, licking it mercilessly as your brain starts to fog up with desire. Like he's trying to prove a point, you moan around Mr. Fushiguro's cock as your pleasure starts to thrum up again. The back of your legs tense, trembling as a knot begins to uncoil in your lower stomach. The cock in your mouth moves too, using the distracted moans to ease himself even deeper into the wet, arm cavern of your mouth. 

Your head feels heavy, body weak as the both of them use you to their contents. Your stomach starts to stir as a familiar feeling of euphoria claws at you. 

You cum for the first time like that, your body pressed against a wood desk - restrained and under careful watch of two men. Your whole body explodes - white, hot nerves fraying off and ricocheting off your ribs inside of you. Your insides shake as the wave of an orgasm washes over your entire body. You gasp, clenching down hard and gasping as tremors of orgasm pulse and push through your whole body. Something in you ignites as you grip the edge of the desk for your life, trying to keep yourself upright as Getou pushes you through the orgasm. 

You've barely recovered when Mr. Fushiguros pulls out of your mouth, pressing his spit-soaked cock against your face and cheeks with a smile. You let it slide against your tongue, eyes fluttering open as your face gets covered in precum and saliva. 

"You look so fucking filthy right now, you know that? But it looks good on you. I'm dying to fuck you." 

"Mr. Fushiguro," You groan. He clicks his teeth. 

"Toji's just fine sweetheart." 

You whimper helplessly as you ride out your high. Behind you, your professor pulls away. You peek behind you to see him, flush as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. 

Toji looks down at your frazzled expression with a grin, teeth showing as he cups your jaw a second time and slides his cock back in one go. This time, he pushes his cock in the base - keeping your throat around him with a hand on the back of your head. 

"Just focus on me for now, baby. Focus on sucking me off, yeah? Just like that, easy easy. He's gonna open you up. Stretch you nice and make your pussy all sloppy. That's what you want right?" 

Getou leans over you, the weight of his body looming as you feel slender fingers slide through your sticky folds. His middle and index brush against your abused clit, rubbing a few circles into it before pulling away. He grabs your arms and positions them behind your back, gripping them in one hand to keep you restrained. You squirm against the gesture, unable to get any leeway as he holds you down. Then you feel his fingers move, middle finger catching on your wet hole as it trembles and sticks. He opens you up like this without any warning. 

His middle finger goes first - delicately intrusive as your pussy widens to accommodate him. They're so much bigger than yours. Just one feels like two of your own. You push back out of instinct but Getou doesn't let you move. He buries himself, pushing in and out until he's able to fuck your pussy all the way down to the knuckle. Once there's no longer any resistance, he pulls back and makes room for another. The sensation is duller, lets you clear your head and think even as Toji rubs his cock on your face and fucks your mouth in short ruts. 

Not enough to make you choke, but enough to smear something hot and nasty all over you. 

Professor Getou repeats the process with his pointer, pushing and stretching and opening until you can't fight it anymore. With two fingers, he scissors them trying to make your insides soft enough for him to take you. 

"You're stretching out for me like it's nothing. You must be turned on, hm? Like getting all your holes used like this? Getting your face-fucked by a man old enough to be your father?" 

Toji laughs harshly, smacking your face lightly, enough it doesn't hurt but enough to make you feel it. 

"She loves it. She's clenching down on you tight ain't she?" 

"Sure is. All this for a grade. Maybe I should've bullied you about it a little more first. Since you're so eager." 

"Gonna give her extra credit for this?"

"I should deduct points for the fact you're even near here."

He laughs good-naturedly at this point, and you're still having trouble making sense of their relationship. You manage to speak for the first time in forever, voice barely there as you go to question them. You're not expecting any solid answers. 

"How do you two know each other?" You ask, before Toji starts fucking your mouth again 

"Goes a long way back. And we're still on bad terms, so congrats on bringing us together, sweetheart. Kind of an expected reunion really." 

"He's been working here since Professor Gojo and I were students here and we knew him from before. A long story. Don't worry your pretty little head about it." 

The burning question is quick to fade out of your mind as you feel your professor's clothed bulge rest against your cunt. You moan, a clipped needy sound as you nearly beg him to fuck you. Toji bends over you this time, reaching back to spread your pussy open by grabbing your ass. You can feel the grip of his hands, strong and assured. 

"She's gettin' impatient. Give it to her." 

"Don't need your help with that." Getou spits, irritation sounding in his words. 

"Consider it an apology." 

The air of tension is there temporarily, before Getou pulls his cock from the confines of his boxers. You can't see it, eyes squeezed tight as you work your mouth and tongue Toji's length. You can feel it though. He makes a show of rubbing his cock against your puffy, sore cunt. You get a feel for its shape as he pushes it between your thighs and lets it cling in between your lips. Professor Getou's cock is longer and more narrow, but it curves upright. It's hard, throbbing between your legs. Whining helplessly you wiggle your ass again. You feel increasingly restless about needing something inside of you. You're still bound though, completely and utterly unable to move. Toji's hand comes down heavy on your ass as you do, clicking his teeth in faux irritation. 

"Don't fucking move unless you want my handmark on your ass forever," He says, his voice cool and forgiving "Impatient." 

Getou must feel something inside of him merciful enough to keep you waiting. Even with all the stretching and prep, the minute you feel the head of your cock push through - something inside of you snaps. It's still so big, still too much, still reaches a part of you so deep you didn't know it was there. The position itself - still being on your stomach, makes it reach so much farther than other positions. The raw, skin-to-skin contact leaves your tummy fluttering, skin prickling with heat. Your top is pushed up enough to expose your lower back and your skin is pulsing. You feel like your whole body is on fire, suspended between men so much older than that want nothing more than to fuck you.

Every time you try to wiggle away from the sensations, Toji's hand comes down heavy on your backside. It doesn't matter how minuscule the movement. If he gets the idea that you're going to try and pull away, he spanks you hard enough that the room echoes with the sound. Your skin tingles, phantom sensation left before as you're held open and made to take your professor's cock - obedient and wanting. 

Inch by miserable inch, it takes forever to take him down to the base. Your toes curl, eyes shut and mouth sloppily trying to keep up with the cock in your mouth and just barely succeeding. 

He groans behind you, shuddering 

"That's incredible," He praises, and it feels so good to hear him saying something so overtly kind you don't know if you want to laugh or cry "Your pussy is fucking incredible. Shit."

"You hear that? You gotta. Pussy's twitchin' like crazy. Ass is too, how cute." 

"Feels sho good," You slur, brain clear of any and all rational thought as a string of saliva drips down your chin "Please fuck me, please,"

"You heard her teach."

Toji lets go of you and returns back to where you are. He pulls his cock away from you, instead holding you up and cupping your mouth open. He kisses you, after everything - with all of his pre-spend in your mouth before spitting into it harshly and kissing it again.

"Such a pretty face you're makin' right now." He says, something of a warm and unprecedented affection to it "So excited to get your pussy filled up."

He leans you on him, lets you wrap around his midriff, and squeeze tight while he pets the back of your hair in a strange streak of affection. You don't know what to make of anything. All you can feel is the long cock pounding into you without any mercy. Razor-sharp thrusts, nudging against your swollen g-spot and pounding into your cunt with immeasurable force. A man so much older than you is fucking you, pounding your pretty little pussy, and turning you into a complete mess. He's meant to be a mentor to you, but he has his cock imprinting itself inside of you over and over and over.

Your stomach feels hot again, but some other feeling takes you over as Toji cradles you - watching you just as intently. He talks you through with confidence you can't entirely understand.

"Yeah, that's it. Tighten up for him, just like that. Feels good doesn't it? I know baby, I know."

You whine out in Toji's arms as he talks you through it. Behind you, you feel Getou's grip hold you tight as he pistons you. The sound of his thighs smacking against your ass is noisy, almost as noisy as your pussy. Slick wet, sounding each time he thrusts.

"I'm not gonna last like this, shit." He pumps into you a few more types before his hips stutter to a halt. He cums with his cock buried deep inside of you, filling you all the way to the brim. You feel his white, hot seed fill your belly, cock twitching as he unloads and makes your legs shake.

A sense of emptiness overwhelms you as Getou pulls out, landing a hit on your ass as he shakes. He kisses your spine. 

The two of them switch places without communicating with each other about it. Getou pulls out, and away - coming back in front of you and picking you up in his arms as Toji positions himself behind you. He spreads your cunt out with his fingers, examining the seed left over with a light laugh. 

"Gonna fuck into your sloppy little cunt, give you another load where you need it and make you cum." Toji says, not hesitating at all. You feel your breathing start to quicken as he takes the same positions as before. 

Toji doesn't neglect touching you as his arm curls around your waist, calloused fingertips brushing against your clit before his cock pushes into you. Your pussy takes him much easier, but even so - Toji is just so thick, you can't help but feel him all over again. This time, Getou has you in his arms, holding and guiding you. Your hands are curled around his bicep and lower spine as you're held up. 

Toji's thrusts are slower, but just as rhythmic - focused on bringing you to another orgasm. It's duller this time, the sensation more focused and spread. Toji is so big you feel it in your hips, your entire lower half tingling as he pumps his cock in and out of you. He gives you all of his attention, staving off his own orgasm as Getou encourages you with his own words. 

"Gonna cum again, pretty? Take another man's cum in you right after me? You want to, right? Take it all in, every drop. You've earned it."

You feel your insides tighten again, for a second time - in a miraculous span. Every muscle in your body tenses and contracts as both sensations work in tandem to bring you closer to your edge. 

Your nerves fire off a second time as you push yourself to the limit. Toji fucks you through another orgasm with ease, thrusting with each tremor until you've ridden out your high. His own orgasm and chase come not long after that fact. 

As soon as you've gone totally limp underneath him, he sheaths himself as deep as he can. Bent over you, he cums hard and deep, filling you to the brim a second time.

There's a brief moment of silence as Toji rides out his high, where all three of you sit in silence.

You find yourself limp as you lay there, Toji pulling out and Getou slowly letting you down before you look up with a tired expression. 

"...So, did I pass?"

Your professor laughs harder than you've ever seen him laugh.

"With flying colors."

[mediamime]

Supernatural and the Concept of Grace

Hi! It's your friendly neighborhood Media Mime and I'm here with a wall of text about my insane thoughts on how Angels work.

From the TV show Supernatural.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

---

These are headcanons, mind you, so they aren’t supported by the show. I just think way too much about stuff like this.

This all stems from how beings from a different plane of existence would be borderline incomprehensible to humans. The whole, true form and voice not being viewable/hearable led to me thinking about them in more abstract forms.

I’m going to give you some weird background stuff below, but feel free to skip to the end if you’re just here for the Grace mechanics and things.

*Edit: Making the lil click more bar because I realized I never did this and the Post Is Too Long.

---

My day job is as a Math Adjunct, so you can imagine I have a bit of a fixation on recurring principles, formulas, geometry, and so on.

It’s my jam. 

Specifically, I have a focus on Mathematics in Nature. It's fascinating to me that we see the same shapes and patterns recurring over and over again in all natural formations.

I want to stress that to get into this kind of thing, you don’t actually need a background in Math. There are several resources online that provide examples and visual guides to this field of study. I’ve provided a visual guide below of some of my favorite phenomena as well as a basic (very basic) explanation of the principle. 

I ain’t getting paid for this right now, so you get what you get!

---

Now is also a time to mention that I took some psychedelics in my 20s that made me See Some Shit. This is not meant to be inspirational. I just think I should mention it because you see a lot of Stuff on them, not always Stuff you want to see. You can look up information about psychedelic geometry and skip the hassle of ingesting things you probably shouldn’t.

Don’t do drugs kids, or whatever.

---

The Fibonacci Sequence is where numbers ascend by adding the two previous numbers to itself. This plays a key role in something known as the Golden Spiral. For a very basic explanation, you take a square and draw an arc from one corner to the next and repeat with bigger and bigger squares.

1,

1 + 1 = 2,

1 + 2 = 3,

2 + 3 = 5,

3 + 5 = 8,

5 + 8 = 13,

and so on.

The curve itself is seen in the way plants grow, shells form, and weather formations to name a few. 

(The following are not my images, but they are readily available online. )

---

Tessellations are repetitive polygons (shapes with 3 or more connecting lines, think triangles, squares, hexagons) that form together, without gaps.

In nature, the real world, there are examples of malformations, but Math is an explanation of the ideal principle.

We can see these structures in scales, honeycombs, and so on.

---

Fractals are where we see the same pattern repeat at smaller and smaller forms of itself.

There is a lot of overlap of this with the Fibonacci Sequence (these patterns often appear INSIDE of the spiral), but it is its own concept.

Fun fact, fractals play a significant role in Chaos Theory, which I will not get into here because we would be here all day.

---

Anyway!

Sorry!

Carried away there.

Back to Supernatural (what an insane transition) and how this wraps into my concept of Grace.

---

Angels are filled with this kind of naturally occurring phenomena, a sort of endless collection of patterns. They are essentially manifestations of this idea or at least they process the physical world in this way.

Castiel mentioned eating molecules ONE TIME and well, I ran with it.

---

A couple of examples I feel strongly about, using Castiel as an easier point of entry than say, Lucifer or Gabriel:

Angels think in a series of sensations, like a form of Synesthesia.  Synesthesia is a concept explored in both psychology and cognitive neuroscience where people express the feeling of multiple senses activating at once. So for instance, the words might leave you with an impression of color or sounds may give you a physical sensation. I think Angels can, and do, adopt a more human perspective the longer they interact in the physical world. This is especially relevant during the time they are essentially made human, but I think the way they interpret information remains abstract. Just a fun fact, if you have Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response (which is usually shortened to ASMR), you have a higher chance, according to some studies, of having a form of Synesthesia. 

---

Angels also think in patterns. For Castiel, in the beginning: His thoughts are very vibrant. Primary colors denote curiosity. The structure of those thoughts are very rigid. He thinks more in straight lines rather than curves. The movement of the thoughts is calculated and repetitive. Learning something for the first time is difficult, so splitting it into individual pieces is easier to comprehend. This is where we get The Face from, you know the one. He perceives things in his own way which makes him socially awkward in human form. As he gets more familiar with the physical world, and the boys in general, his perspective shifts. He has more robust colors dedicated to the people or objects he interacts with and they shift around easier. His thoughts are less linear and more curved and organic. He has less set structure because he isn’t learning as much anymore, he has an understanding he can build off of and make more defined to himself.  Learning to love humanity requires flexibility that doesn’t come naturally to Angels, so he actively works at it.

Seeing souls is easier than interpreting the actual look of people. This is a doozy, but we will take Dean as an example because I’m Destiel/Deancas pilled. To Castiel, Dean looks the way he looks, smells the way he smells, sounds the way he sounds, and so on in physical form. Castiel learns to interpret him in that way as the series goes on, but his soul, the essence of him, has its own set of sensations. The following are not literal, although I’m sure some would translate that way. He sounds like a crackle of fire and a low drum. His colors are darker oranges and blues and greens. He feels like a soft rain and sun on a warm day. He tastes of barrel aged liquor and smoke. He smells like a hearth and earth after it rains. He feels like every aspect of the impala, from the cold metal to the supple warm leather.  Obviously some of these senses shift and change from time to time, but that forms the basis of what Castiel recognizes as Dean.

---

Grace is at least partially visible to other angels and partially felt by humans. Other angels can see each other in their vessels. So they have a concept of what they look like in their true forms, despite being hidden inside of something.  This implies they can experience similar sensations as the other angels they look at, although I don’t like the idea that they can see their “thoughts” necessarily. I would imagine they can “feel” a sudden intense set of emotions/sensations from another angel however, in the way that humans can tell someone’s emotions through facial expression or tone of voice.

---

Humans can learn to experience angels, albeit in a form that is easier for them to comprehend.  Dean doesn’t experience anything special about Castiel when they first meet, outside of the generic information we get about Angels and the obvious senses he can use: seeing, hearing, smelling, (gods I wish tasting was on this list but! Alas!) As Dean gets closer with him, he can start to “hear” him. I like to think he sounds like a pleasant hum or a slight ringing, similar to a wind chime, depending on his mood. Dean, specifically, makes him hum lower than usual. If he were to hum out-loud, it would harmonize with the way his grace sounds. It takes longer to perceive colors, but I think Dean would see the little flashes of blue, similar to the way Castiel’s eyes get when he’s using his powers. This is why I typically put a little blue squiggle between them when I draw them together. Plus other senses, sorry but this is long enough as it is. You likely get the point by now!

---

Anyway, I’m very happy that literally anyone has even a passing interest in my interpretation of these things.

Formatting this was a nightmare and I feel particularly insane today.

[olderthannetfic]

Actually, sorry, nevermind with the pro ship stuff ! Did my research and I'm more informed abt it :) you dont need to post either of the asks I sent abt it (and I'm lowkey scared if coming across as a close minded purist prude whose disillusioned about being by one.)..either way ty!

--

*giggling*

The reality is that any new, viral thing from thirty seconds ago spreads easily on TikTok, most especially misinformation. Instagram is another pretty terrible platform just in terms of algorithms and how it's run. I wouldn't expect the prevailing understanding of such-and-such from within one bubble on either to necessarily be well informed.

The concept of "antis" under that name is pretty new, and the concept of "proshippers" is even newer. It has always meant "not antis". Some people have started mutating it to be about specific dark content, but it was always supposed to be about opposing censorship-happy idiots.

I don't find incestuous ships any freakier than other common fantasies people have. Same with adult/minor ships. You're seeing them in a distinct category because they upset you in particular. The feelings are fine, but they don't actually mean that these kinks are darker than all the other ones antis go after.

I know you think someone will be able to interpret "proshippers DNI" as "only the actually bad people should stay away", but that simply isn't what's going to happen. First, DNIs are moronic. Curating your online space means that you need to be the one blocking and avoiding. You can't ask random strangers, possibly your enemies, to do it for you. Second, people are going to have all kinds of opinions on which content is Bad Enough to count even assuming they share a similar definition of 'proshipper'.

This kind of "Well, we all know what the Bad Stuff is" attitude tends to have a chilling effect on a space. People are all paranoid that their kinks might count and self-censor far beyond what the person who said it expected.

Honestly, aside from the constant misuse of the terms, my assumption is that public proshippers on Instagram and TikTok are mostly into extreme things because anyone less extreme wouldn't have the balls to be public. The amount of death and rape threats from antis wouldn't be worth it.

--

As for my "rules", I don't have any. This is my personal tumblr, but since I leave anon on, people send me lots of things. I post most of them, but I get so many now, that I'll sometimes cut off a topic that has dragged on boringly. I usually don't post the threats I get unless they're funny and I want to mock them.

--

Re teens in fandom, I got into fandom at 13 on Usenet and set about reading all of the freakiest porn available. I read far worse stuff outside of fandom. I was curious, as many people that age are. It never did me any harm, and it won't do any harm to current 13-year-olds to read dark shit.

The people who get fucked up already have a lack of decent mentors in their offline life, are reading things as self harm, are actually being harmed by the social side of fandom where they've found some creep for horny roleplay, are the subject of a public hate campaign, etc. That sucks, but it's not something I can control or that will get better if we exclude them from fandom.

Teens would be better protected by their parents removing TikTok from their phones than by anything to do with fandom. Its short form makes it ideal for poorly fact-checked soundbites that sound good on the surface but discourage critical thinking or nuanced engagement with a topic. Youtube et al. are also cesspits, but TikTok has elevated predatory algorithms and viral misinformation to a whole new level.

Now back to rewatching miniminuteman. Hahaha.

[hood-ex]

Could you talk about Blüdhaven being nuked? Pretty please? I'm new to the fandom and don't fully understand what happened with that.

Basically, there was an event that happened in the DC comic world called Infinite Crisis, and during this event, the former vice president-executive editor at DC (Dan DiDio) wanted to kill off Dick. And since Dick was going to die, Bludhaven wouldn't be needed anymore, or maybe they wanted to make a bigger impact with Dick's death by destroying it, so they decided to get rid of Dick and Bludhaven in one go. (Note that Dick didn't end up dying because DiDio's plan to kill Dick didn't go through.)

What this looked like is that Slade Wilson (Deathstroke) joined a group called the Society (aka the Secret Society of Super Villains). The Society worked for Alexander Luthor, and Alexander wanted to redivide the universe in order to find a new and perfect earth (go read Infinite Crisis #4 for more details).

The reason I mentioned Slade is because while things were starting to form for this Infinite Crisis event to take place, Slade was involved in Dick's life at this point. Dick was not working as Nightwing during this time, he was working for a mobster named Tommy Tevis as an enforcer because he felt like a huge failure and was full of self-loathing (the events that caused such a mindset within him is a whole other story).

The reason why Slade got involved in Dick's life is because Dick found out Slade was part of the Society, which messed up Dick's plans to join the Society undercover because Slade knew Dick's secret identity. Dick decided to get in contact with Slade to get information from him.

Slade got the message and appeared with his daughter Rose. If you're not aware, Slade has a long history with Dick that goes back to Dick's time with the Titans, so he knows Dick on a deeper level than some of Dick's other adversaries.

When Slade saw that Dick was working for mobsters, and when he listened to Dick's rant of self-loathing, he didn't believe Dick had actually packed up the hero gig and mentality, which meant he wouldn't divulge information he had to Dick. So he basically told Dick, "If you've really given up being a hero then train Rose. Teach her everything you know. Then we'll talk." Basically he wanted proof that Dick was an actual bad guy before divulging information to him.

Dick said okay and started to train Rose. While training with Dick, Rose started to learn things that leaned away from what Slade believed in. Slade didn't want Rose to be against him or to have a reason to leave his side (Rose was his only remaining living child, his two sons were killed previously). That's why when things eventually dissolved between Dick and Slade after Slade tried to use Dick to fool Superman, Dick struck a deal with Slade that he would stay away from Rose if Slade kept his cronies/the Society away from Bludhaven. Dick threatened that if Slade let someone from the Society meddle with Bludhaven, Dick would make sure Rose was poisoned by chronic idealism (thus turning her against Slade).

However, Slade turned on the deal and wanted the Society to target Bludhaven to hurt Dick. The Society then dropped a massive living chemical weapon on Bludhaven called Chemo. Chemo ended up killing 100,068 people in Bludhaven. Dick stayed in Bludhaven to try and help people despite being affected by the radiation, but he eventually collapsed and was rescued by Bruce.

In the aftermath of the Crisis, Captain Atom destroyed Bludhaven, wiping it off the map completely. Bludhaven couldn't be rebuilt because of the radiation poisoning. Dick then had to relocate to New York. Bludhaven has, of course, been restored in the main universe since then.

You can look at my previous post for the comic issues that include Chemo:

[taffywabbit]

"why not just make your own website?"

with the announcement of cohost's death and amidst all the other tumultuous shit currently going on with social media as a concept (i am AMAZED twitter has survived this long given the circumstances), one suggestion that i've been hearing a lot is "we should just go back to the good old days of personal websites. let's all just make neocities pages!!"

(this is gonna be a long one sorry)

and like. idk! it's certainly something i've considered, i think it would be a fun thing to have, but it also feels like the equivalent of "capitalism sucks so let's all just run off into the woods and live in a cabin outside of society" to me. like it would be nice, it would be fun, but it doesn't ultimately solve the actual problems that are present with the modern internet, it just evades them. more importantly in my case and many others, it does not really help people who rely on the modern internet and the connections they're able to make there for their income. sure i can make a website and host my art and blog posts there, but who's going to see it? i can't build a consistent audience and make a living off of random passersby who peek at my website once, say "huh, neat!" and MAYBE add it to an RSS feed or whatever if they really like it. there's minimal potential for meeting and impressing new people outside my existing circles if i don't ALSO still have some manner of social media platform to promote the website on.

a lot of the "solutions" i see people proposing for the slow, painful decline of social media as a user experience keep coming back to old-fashioned, more isolated/insular systems. we miss forums, we miss personal webpages, we miss newsletters, etc etc. but like... those things were ideal in the "old web" because the old web was more about sharing hobbies and interests with whoever happened to pass by and check them out, and even just USING the internet was a niche hobby in and of itself for a lot of people. if you wanna be kinda cynical about it (and not unjustifiably so), web 2.0 is much more blatantly business-oriented, and its algorithms and carefully crafted UX's are primarily meant to funnel you towards viewing ads and spending money on products. looking at it that way, it sure does suck and Everything Was Better Before! but the modern web is ALSO more powerful than anything before it for just like. connecting people. spreading information and news. showing your art/music/writing/thoughts/etc to strangers who never knew you existed an hour ago. putting the tools to reach out to someone and tell them you think they're cool right there on the same website where their art is hosted, just a comment or a message away.

if you're able to avoid patterns of engagement-bait and obsessing over follower counts as a measure of self-worth (a big "if", i realize, but i view it like installing an adblocker - it's just kind of a basic prerequisite for modern internet safety and survival), a lot of these systems can genuinely be really positive and life-changing in ways that were simply not possible 20 years ago! almost all of my current closest friends are people I met through sharing our art on platforms like Twitter who were complete strangers at the time. all of the art clients that regularly pay my bills and support my work came from places like that too! the "social" part of "social media" is really what makes it ultimately worth keeping around in any form, and makes the pursuit of a Good social media platform still valuable.

there's a lot to love about the old web - its aesthetics, simplicity and freedom for personal expression - but every time someone says "just delete your socials and make a personal website" i am forced to confront the fact that i could never do what i currently do or be the person i am on the old web. if i was stuck hanging out in my own little space and only ever interacting with people who openly and loudly share my interests, i couldn't support myself with art full-time, i probably would never have met the kind and quiet strangers who are now my best friends and have made me who i am, and i'd just generally get a lot less insight into the vast range of experiences and perspectives that exist outside of my own. my life would be on a fundamentally different trajectory in countless ways without the advent of web 2.0.

and that's not to say "well twitter and facebook and tumblr all suck but you kinda still have to hand it to them" cuz you don't, obviously. they're corporations, and their job is to take the personalities and thoughts and art of the people who use their products and try to scrunch it all into something uninform and marketable that generates profit and pleases their shareholders. but like, you CAN still make a good thing out of them! these websites are tools just as much as geocities or myspace or IRC used to be. and the one thing these newer tools are pretty much all REALLY good at is discoverability. if you're just a hobbyist at the things you wanna share on the internet, then you likely don't have a lot of use for those tools, and perhaps you WOULD genuinely be happier just keeping a personal blog site or hanging out in private groupchats or sticking to specialized federated Mastodon instances or whatever. it just isn't feasible for me, and there are a LOT of people in my same situation. my entire industry of online freelance artists barely existed 20 years ago, and the web culture of that era is largely incompatible with my continued survival in the mid-2020s. i would LOVE to run off and live in the woods in concept, but all my survival skills are adapted for city living and i would just eat the wrong berry and die out there. i want- i NEED people to try and improve the spaces we're in, and support better forms of social media (like what cohost was trying and largely succeeding to do!) instead of just complaining that it all sucks, everything was better when we were kids, and digging ourselves little holes to hide in. much like all the other problems and frustrations and systemic issues of the world we live in, the modern web isn't going to go away if you just ignore it, so we may as well try to make it better for everyone.

anyways tl;dr i probably WILL make a neocities at some point. it could be fun, even if it doesn't help my career stability or whatever. but i do also need ALL THE SOCIAL PLATFORMS I USE FOR MY JOB TO STOP EXPLODING PRETTY PLEASE, and failing that, some actual half-decent alternatives that aren't going to fizzle out in a month would also be great thanks ✌

[frostbitedoesstuff]

I wanted to make this post not to address anyone in particular, but just for the sake of getting it off my mind.

I absolutely hate it when people in the Honkai fandom say that Welt is a terrible father and/or abandoned his family. The truth is, Welt loves his family so, so much, and still cares about them deeply even though he’s far away. There is clear and irrefutable evidence of this.

When you talk to Welt on the Express, you have the option to ask him about his friends. This is his response.

Here, he acknowledges that there are people waiting for him back home, and says that at some point prior to the game’s events, he asked Herta to send a signal to his home in hopes of being able to tell his family that he’s safe, and perhaps even tell them of his whereabouts (though that’s just an assumption on my end.)

When the Express is about to leave for the Xianzhou Loufu, if you talk to Welt, you can ask him what planet he would like to go to. This is his response.

Notice how his immediate answer to where he wants to go is home, as well as the word he uses to describe the fact that he cannot do so: sadly. He really could have said anywhere else, especially because he likely knew that probably wasn’t what the Trailblazer meant when they asked that question, but no. He answers honestly, and his honest answer is that he wants to go home.

This next section will have spoilers for the Penacony quest line, so proceed with caution.

For this next example, we’ll need some background information. What exactly is Ena’s Dream? Well, to explain in simple terms, Ena’s Dream is an escapist dream state meant to simulate what someone would view to be an ideal reality. The specifics of the dream varies from person to person, because each person has different desires, different ideals, different wants, different needs. But Ena’s Dream is meant to simulate what the individual TRULY desires, no matter how unrealistic or outlandish it may be.

In 2.3, if you talk to Welt, you can ask him what he saw in Ena’s Dream. This is his response.

In Ena’s dream, he goes home and reunites with his family. Do you understand what that means?

What Welt truly desires, more than anything else, is to find a way back home. What he saw in Ena’s Dream is blatant proof.

Another thing I’d like to draw attention to is how he says that realizing it was a dream was a “bitter truth.” The fact that he still had the Astral Express wasn’t enough for him to describe it as “bittersweet.” It was just bitter.

(No more Penacony spoilers from here on out)

Speaking of the Astral Express, I’d like to bring up something regarding not only Welt’s relationship with them, but the entirety of Star Rail’s world as a whole.

Something about Welt’s character that I really love is his ability to embrace the world around him and the people in it, DESPITE the fact that he also misses his home.

He’s engrossed himself deeply in the history and general ins and outs of Star Rail’s universe, to the point where whenever the Trailblazer finds something they don’t recognize, they ask Welt, and he can always provide a detailed answer.

Additionally, Welt has formed a strong familial relationship with the members of the Astral Express, and has a strong desire to keep them safe. For example, during the Jarilo-VI quest line, Welt expresses a clear desire to intervene when he sees the intensity of the situation Trailblazer, March, and Dan Heng are in, and when they return, Welt outright admits that there were more than a few times where he felt legitimate distress, making an off handed comment about having to “stop worrying so much.”

This is something that I feel like some people don’t understand; Welt can love this world and his home world simultaneously, and he does. Just because he isn’t constantly stressing out about going home and refusing to make connections out of fear of getting attached doesn’t mean that he isn’t thinking about his home or doesn’t want to find a way to go back.

I believe that the solution Welt wants is to have the best of both worlds, not to completely abandon one for the other. This is why his desired reality of finding a way home and him hoping that his journey with the Astral Express never ends can exist side by side. He truly does want both, and in the ideal ending to his story, he should be able to have both (at least in my opinion.)

I’ve never even played HI3, but I know of Welt’s lore and he is my favorite character in HSR, so I hate it when people mischaracterize him, ESPECIALLY when it comes to this. I hope that by writing this character analysis, this will help people understand him better, and show the people that think he doesn’t love his family that they are blatantly wrong. If you know someone who thinks that, please consider showing them this post.

(One last thing! If you read this entire analysis, then clearly you must like Star Rail. If you’re looking for more content, I’d like to make you aware that as of posting this, I have a Sampard and Astral Express chatfic, as well as a blog where I post Star Rail fanart (frostbitedoesfanart)! Please check them out if you have the time, and thanks for listening to me ramble <3)

[thearcaneuniversity]

With the hopeful resurgence of interest in Gothic fiction, sparked by Nosferatu, I've come to realize a curious linguistic issue - the absence of a clear definition of "romance" in Gothic literature in the English language. Some people, from what I've seen online, are unaware that in the context of Gothic fiction, "romance" doesn’t necessarily refer to a typical love story or a romantic relationship. Of course, you can find more information by looking up "Gothic Romance" or simply reading about Romanticism, but even in some of these online sources, the distinction can be muddled or incomplete.

Therefore, I thought I'd wirte a short post highlighting the concept of Romance in the era of Romanticism.

The literary movement of "romance" we often refer to in the Romanticism era is quite different from the broader, everyday understanding of romance. Romanticism’s focus extended beyond love to include deep emotions, nature, individualism, and even the supernatural or the sublime (a concept referring to art that overwhelms or terrifies the viewer).

It’s also easy to confuse "Gothic Romance" with "Romanticism".

While Gothic literature centers on dark, eerie settings, suspense, and supernatural elements, it was deeply influenced by Romanticism’s exploration of intense emotions, the sublime, and the individual’s struggle against oppressive forces. Many Gothic stories mirror the Romantic fascination with the power of nature, mystery, and beauty. The protagonists of these stories embody Romantic ideals: emotional depth, individuality, and alienation, often confronting their inner turmoil or grappling with the limits of human experience. Both Gothic and Romantic writers were captivated by the sublime, the idea that beauty and terror can coexist.

The Gothic genre’s use of mysterious or monstrous figures often symbolizes the darker aspects of human nature, a theme that the Romantics also explored in their focus on intense, unrestrained emotions and the rejection of societal norms.

While Nosferatu (2024) is undoubtedly a deeply layered film, rich with a multitude of meanings and interpretations, it’s crucial to understand that the concept of "romance" within the narrative extends far beyond its common meaning. At its heart, the film delves into the intricacies of human emotion, examining the powerful and often conflicting feelings of shame, desire, love, hate, and dread. These emotions are not only felt by the characters but are also meant to be projected onto the viewers.

The film confronts the darker aspects of human nature, the tension between our desires and our fears. It reflects the overwhelming and inescapable powers of nature, of life and death, and the unsettling space in between. It taps into the universal themes of mortality and existence, suggesting that romance, in its most profound sense, is not merely about passion or affection, but about confronting the deepest, often most disturbing facets of what it means to be human.

[love-and-war-on-cybertron]

Teach a Bot to Kiss: Ratchet PT1

So this got deleted part way through writing so I used that as an excuse to try something. Also tumble made me post it in two parts. Enjoy~

The circumstances that brought you to the Lost Light were not ideal. No one, including you, talked about it. Ratchet seemed to think you were handling it surprisingly well. You didn't seem bothered. Quite happy. Maybe a little too happy. He's mention it to Rung next time they ran into each other.

The lost light was a big place to be if you were a tiny human. Lucky for you, Ratchet was willing to be your caretaker of sorts. He may be gruff and downright biting at times, but you could see that underlying care in him. No doubt it's what made him such a good doctor. Even you, he considered a potential patient. Luckily for you, he had some experience with humans and thus a previously saved bit of information on their medical needs. Today you were in the medical bay for one of his minor check ups. Keeping track of your vitals, seeing if anything made levels all wrong. Or if space travel was treating you wrong. Like usual, he did it at the end of the work day, when no one was in dire need of his attention. He just needed you to stand there and get scanned while he glanced at the numbers. "Well, looking fine as usual." "Why thank you." You say with a wink. Ratchet lets out a scoff and rolls his eyes. "You're hanging out with Rodimus too much." He writes something down on a data pad and sets it aside before shutting off the scanner and offering his palm to you. Using his thumb as a handle, you climb on so he can carry you off to his quarters. Ratchet waves to Ambulon as he passes by. It's the night hours, or at least the equivalent. The lights are turned down in the halls and most bots are in their quarters. Time for Ratchet, and thus you, to head to bed as well. "Hey Ratchet?" He unlocks his habsuite and grunts in acknowledgment, "You were on earth right?" "We've been over this many times y/n," He flips the lights and sets you on the shelf with your make shift bed. A collection of sponge and clean rags. Comfortable enough for you, "Yes I was on earth." He preferred not to talk about that time. The beginning of the end in a way. You flop onto the makeshift bed, even turned away, he can hear your mouth open, ready to ask a question. All a part of the nightly routine since he started caring for you. Asking any inane question that comes to mind while he readies for recharge. What he saw, who he met. Moving on to his past on cybertron. You always asked questions. Ratchet begrudgingly answered. You were trying to fill the silence. It couldn't be easy living on ship away from your home world and everything you knew. Sometimes these stupid questions led to interesting, dare he even think, inciteful conversation. Your voice was getting drowsy with sleep before asking about his love life. "When was the last time you kissed someone?" "Cybertronians don't kiss." "Prudes?" You perked up. "No, it just isn't a thing." He settles down on his berth, ready to offline. But you keep questioning. Ratchet can hear you shifting, eventually your soft steps coming to the edge of the shelf you're on. "Like… Just not popular?" He glances at you and sees you focused on him. This wasn't going to be one of those inciteful conversations, but clearly not one he could get out of. "No. We have many ways of showing affection, but that isn't one of them." Your pause makes him hopeful you will let it go and he can sleep. "But you know what kissing is?" Another heavy sigh, "I was on earth after all." "Well if you ever need the practice." You wiggle your brows and chuckle. Ratchet narrows his optics at you. Cheeky, as always. He flicks your forehead a little harder than he meant to. The THUNK of his digit and the way you stumbled back solidified that.

Part Two

[wyattjohnston]

the summer fic exchange 2k25

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Explanation

this functions like secret santa/kris kringle, where people sign up and are then provided a person they will be writing a fic for.

on the google form linked above, you will fill in a bunch of information including players and genres you like to read about and players you like to write about—i then do my absolute best to match these up with each other so that people are receiving what they want and writing within their comfort limits.

there are also spaces to tell me genres and players you want nothing to do with, so that i won’t pair you up with a person who exclusively writes things you aren’t interested in.

after you’ve received your match (the person you’ll be writing for), you can then head into their inbox anonymously and really drill down into what your match would like to receive.

[linkspooky]

Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Analysis: Ryo vs Yubel

Time for more Duel analysis, a series where I overanalyze two characters standing around playing a children's card game. This is the first of a three part series where I cover what I refer to as the "Yubel Gauntlet", the four successive duels against Yubel at the end of season three. We're going to start with Ryo vs Yubel, while this duel may not be as revealing to Yubel's character as the later duels there are a lot of interesting parallels at play between these two characters if you dig a little deeper - MORE UNDER THE CUT.

In Yu-Gi-Oh duels are meant to be a clash of the two participants ideals. In the best duels we learn more about the characters participating from lots of factors, deck composition, play strategies and the dialogue in between turns. Duels in general are a pretty major focus of Yu-Gi-Oh! taking up a lot of screentime so of course writers have to use them as a vehicles for character and theme. There's a lot more thought put into duel-writing then meets the eye.

Ryo vs. Yubel is meant to be the ending to Hell Kaiser's tragic character arc, so there is a lot more focus on Ryo then Yubel. The most revealing duel about Yubel's character comes in the duel right after against Amon which I'm going to cover in the next post. That being said, there is a lot of interesting foiling going on in the duel itself. Foiling is drawing a comparison between characters to highlight aspects of a certain character, a subtle method of characterization to inform us of a character without directly telling the audience.

We're going to cover the foiling first before we get into the duel itself. Starting with a major foiling point between Ryo and Yubel, neither of them are really focused on their opponent. They're both instead focused on Judai, Yubel wants to execute Ryo to send a message to Judai and Ryo wants to duel the person in Johan's body because Johan reminds him of Judai the person he had his last significant duel before his mental breakdown.

RYO VS. JUDAI: THE KAISER AND SUPREME KING

There are a lot of immediate connections to be drawn between Judai and Ryo. Ryo gives Judai his first defeat, Sho puts both of them on a pedestal, and Ryo is probably Judai's second most important rival (the fandom has been arguing for 20 years whether Manjoume or Ryo counts as Judai's main rival so I'm not going to touch this). The most significant common factor between these two characters in season three however, is that Ryo's season two mental breakdown is an explicit parallel and foreshadowing for Judai's breakdown in season 3.

Judai and Ryo both go through what the fandom commonly refers to as "gifted kid arcs" (which is appropriate because GX is set at a boarding school and one of the biggest themes is the challenges faced when growing up). During season one Ryo is what is considered to be the top dog at Duel Academy. He's well respected by the student body, was told from a young age at the cyber dojo that he was going places, and widely considers himself and his dueling style to be "perfect".

Besides a tense relationship with his brother, he doesn't really have any flaws. The first hint that there's something deeper going on under the surface comes in the graduation duel against Judai. First in Ryo's irritation that Judai is imitating him and trying to duel a perfect duel instead of dueling by instinct like he usually does, and then in his speech to Judai at the end of the duel.

Judai: You really are great, Kaiser! You're perfect. Ryo: But at the same time this happens to be my limit. In a way, perfection keeps you from chasing your limits. Ryo: Yuki Judai, within you lies infinite potential.

This introduces Kaiser's main character flaw, his own obsession with perfectionism. While Kaiser laments the fact that chasing perfectionism is limiting in the end because once you achieve perfection there's nowhere else to go - he still genuinely considers himself to be perfect.

It is true that part of the cause of his breakdown is the intense pressure from around him including the adults puts Ryo under by putting him on this pedestal and expecting perfection from him had a really negative effect on Ryo's mental health. However, it is also true that Ryo let everyone's praise go to his head and developed quite the ego. This shows in his relationship with Sho which we're going to go into more in depth later. A conversation on my Yu-Gi-Oh discord was particularly revealing of one aspect of their relationship. Ryo has a hard time understanding Sho, because he has ridiculously high standards for Sho. Instead of accepting Sho for the person that he is, he tries to mold Sho into being more like him.

This is shown in one of the early flashbacks in regards to their relationship, Ryo gives Sho power bond his signature card, and then insists that Sho is not worthy of using it. Which is an incident that sabotaged Sho's confidence for a long time and made him feel unworthy of using the card (even Judai who is very happy-go-lucky and forgiving in season one got angry for Sho's sake over this). It seems like a lot of Ryo's actions in season one are done with the motivation of toughening him up, in essence making Sho more like him. He doesn't really recognize Sho's strength, that even though Sho has low self-esteem and loses a lot he also picks himself right back up and keeps trying.

This key difference is the cause of Ryo's tragic downfall in season two. Ryo is a prodigy for whom dueling has always come easy, he's never had to struggle the way Sho has, so he doesn't know how to handle losing. In a very relatable arc Ryo goes from being a big fish in a small pond and genuinely believing because he was succesful in high school he's going to be succesful in the real world, to shattering in his first real loss in the pro-leagues and realizing that in the adult world he's no one special.

The fatal flaw that leads to his downfall being that unlike Sho, Ryo's not used to losing, so he doesn't have the ability to pick himself back up again. To use a metaphor from real life, it's like when people who are gifted students in high school never learn how to study because the material comes easy to them who then crash and burn in their first year of college. They're not used to struggling with the material, and they don't know what to do when something doesn't automatically come natural to them. One of the greatest piece of advice I've ever received is that when learning a new skill like writing or drawing, you've got to start out by making bad art. Ryo can't make bad art, he doesn't know how to struggle.

He crashes and burns after losing once, and his losing streak and complete loss of confidence drives him to be desperate enough to duel in an underground arena.

Manager: The truth comes out - these dire situations fuel your losses. Manager: Tell me, you've get to consider that you might win I take it? Manager: Without seizing victory you cannot win, isn't that what dueling is about at it's core? Manager: If so, you have to win at any cost. Ryo: I have to duel my way. Manager: Then, you're welcome to lose.

Ryo then decides to double down on his own obsession with winning when his back is against the wall.

Ryo: I'm fed up. Ryo: I...I don't want to lose. Ryo: I don't care how... but I want to win and defeat you. Ryo: I've lied since that duel with Edo. Ryo: I duel by respecting my opponent, I thought winning or losing wouldn't matter if I did that. Ryo: But I was wrong. Ryo: I do crave it - I thirst for victory and I have to to steal victory from your hands - I will.

This is a direct parallel to the source of Judai's downfall which leads him to the Supreme king in Season 3. Judai becomes obsessed with winning no matter what the circumstances, only to win in his duel against Brron and still fail to rescue a single one of his friends. In the face of his loss Judai doesn't learn from his mistake. Even after receiving a lecture from both Sho and Austin he still refuses to admit what he did wrong.

Judai: I did what I should've done. Judai: And yet, just about everyone was taken away from me! Judai: Damn it! Damn it! What is it that I did wrong! Judai: The super fusion card. Haou: Yuki Judai. In order to defeat evil, one must become evil. In the world with the law of the jungle at work one must rule with power.

Judai and Ryo both develop an obsession with power so they'll never lose again. Judai develops the supreme king persona, while Kaiser develops the Hell Kaiser persona. Both have two duels against friends who just want to return them to their normal selves. Both are also fully in control when they fall into darkness, Judai is the supreme king and the supreme king is Judai, Ryo tells Fubuki that he wasn't possessed by a dark power he chose to pursue victory above all else.

They both become self-destructive in the aftermath of their mental breakdowns, in season three Ryo is looking for a final duel to die, and Judai becomes suicidal until the possibility of saving Johan is dangled in front of his face. Most importantly of all the cause of their downfall is the same in both cases, their own fragile ego. Neither of them can admit when they are wrong. Judai receives constant criticism before the duel with Brron and refuses to change his ways.

Judai: All this time, I've run on instinct, never second guessing myself. Judai: If I just tsand still now, I'm sure I won't be able to start running again. And I won't be able to get to Johan.

What worked for Judai in his first two years of school stops working in his third year, when his friends grow up a little bit but he's stayed the same person and he's introduced to more complicated situations.

The same can be said for Ryo, glorifying his high school days instead of growing up which is why he finds himself unable to survive in the adult world. Even going into the duel against Yubel, Ryo is just trying to recreate his final duel against Judai believing that he peaked in that moment instead of realizing that there's still room for him to grow and change.

RYO vs. YUBEL

While the parallels between Ryo and Yubel aren't as strong as his parallels to Judai, they're still there if you take a deeper look. As I said in the beginning, instead of facing each other both Ryo and Yubel are looking at Judai this duel. Both of them have an obsession with Judai, Ryo considers his duel against Judai to be his last great duel and is desperate to feel the same way he did in the graduation duel while Yubel's obsession with Judai has spanned two lifetimes and their ultimate goal is to reunite with Judai and to return their relationship to what it was before they were shot into space.

They're both also using this duel to teach a lesson to Judai, Ryo wants Judai to regain his confidence and not be afraid to duel anymore, and Yubel wants to make another one of Judai's friends suffer right in front of him to inflict pain on him.

Ryo: The blinding excitement I had back then... Ryo: I've only gotten that from Judai and Johan. The duel we had is far from over Johan. It doesn't matter who you are right now. If you have Johan's face and Johan's strength you're going to battle me. Yubel: All right... allow me to give you my love as well. I'll show you to Judai as you squirm and agony. Yubel: Sadness... anguish.. pain. Those are the expressions of love I've been taught by Judai.

Yubel and Ryo are both living in the past. Yubel wants to return to their past relationship with Judai, and Ryo is obsessed with his glory days when he was top dog at the academy thinking he peaked in high school (which is ridiculous because he's like nineteen at this point.)

Ryo: Even without a future, I have to live this moment for everything that it's worth. Isn't that right, professor? Cronos: I-it is, but...without a future?

The reason that both of them are stuck in the past is the painful trauma they've both endured. Ryo is put in an underground cage match where he is forced to wear electrodes and receives painful shocks every time he loses lifepoints, and told that he won't be let out of the cage unless he wins. Yubel is shot into space and endures years of torture from the light of destruction.

They were also both alone and without a support network when they were traumatized, Ryo was abandoned by all of his sponsors and far away from his friends at duel academy, in a dark cage where no one could help him. Yubel was in space and Judai eventually stopped hearing their cries for help because of the psychiatric treatments his parents put him through.

After their trauma Ryo and Yubel also develop highly masochistic tendecies. Ryo keeps dueling in the underground arenas and wearing the electrodes even after his first cage match. Yubel repeatedly insists they enjoy the pain that Judai inflicts on them, derives borderline sexual enjoyment from it, and their entire duel strategy involves negating damage done to their monsters and inflicting it on their opponents.

Yubel: I cannot be destroyed by battle. Yubel: After all, to me, attacks only show love. Yubel: Go on, attack me, Yubel: My suffering is your suffering, Judai! Yubel: Share it with me... Nightmare pain. Right now, we feel the same pain wrapped in a blanket of love.

These mascohistic tendencies and self-harming behavior were developed as unhealthy coping mechanisms. Self-harm can be a way of reclaiming your agency. If you're hurting yourself then you're in control of it, especially if you were victimized in a situation where you had no control or agency. Yubel insists the pain causes them pleasure, Ryo insists they enjoy the shocks the electrodes give them.

Ryo: This shock, piercing the skin and flesh... Ryo: It taught me that a duel is a duel in every sense of the word with one winner and loser. Ryo: Will you still be able to prattle on about your respectful duel until the end.

Unsurprisingly inflicting pain on themselves over and over again does little to improve their mental health and only makes them spiral worse. Yet they cling to their delusions that they're the ones in control, that they want this actually.

Ryo: Fubuki I am not lost in darkness. I am not it's prisoner. Fubuki: You mean... you haven't lost yourself in darkness. Ryo: The darkness that the light cannot reach. The things it's power can bring you. I merely wanted to learn what they are. Fubuki: Why would you want that. Ryo: To attain victory. EPISODE 89 Judai: If you hated my treatment of you so much, you could have focused your revenge on me. Yubel: Hatred? Revenge? What are you talking about. Yubel: I told you this is something I have worked very hard for, in the hopes it would make you happy. Judai: Make me happy? But all my friends were hurt, suffered and disappeared. Yubel: But is that not the nature of love? I wanted to hurt you demonstrate the depths of my love. Judai: Yubel is there nothing I can say to make you understand? EPISODE 153

Ryo and Yubel are both what you would consider bad victims who go on to repeat the cycle of abuse, and inflict the same pain they endured on others.

Enduring torture leads them to snap and pull a total 180 on their personality. Big surprise, torture is not good for your mental health. Notably they both flip from being a protector to their loved one, to harming the person they once protected.

While Sho and Ryo's relationship is complicated, Ryo in season one was willing to sacrifice his life to Camula in order to protect Sho. While in season two, he forces Sho to wear his electrodes and endure painful shock after painful shock until he passes out. Yubel once sacrificed their entire body to be Judai's protector, but in season three Yubel does everything they can to inflict pain on Judai, and engineers Judai's downfall to bring Judai down to their level.

Ryo mocks and belittles Sho who is only trying to save him the entire duel, and again shocks him half to death, then when Sho is passed out from the pain walks off and doesn't even bother to check if he's alright.

Ryo: I am the winner here. Let the loser depart! Sho: I respect you... Brother, back then... And even now.

Yubel is well... Yubel.

Yet, even though they're both bad victims who refuse to admit they're in a self-destructive spiral and all they're accomplishing is hurting themselves and others, the narrative is sympathetic and shows there is hope for both of them.

CYBER ART VERSUS CRYSTAL BEASTS

Oh right, we're supposed to be talking about the duel. Let's start with deck analysis, because the cards a duelist chooses and their battle strategy is always telling of their character.

To begin with, Ryo and Yubel employ the same basic strategy in their primary decks: get their boss monster on the field and then do anything they can to keep it on the field.

Aside from that the two of them could not be any more different. Ryo has one strategy, get Cyberdragon on the field with power bond, go for the one turn kill, and if that doesn't work play a card to negate damage or negate the damage of power bond. If Cyberdark gets taken off the field they have multiple strategies to get the components out of the graveyard and fuse it again - and if that still doesn't work fusion summon chimeratech fortress dragon in attack mode by fusing all of the cyber dragons in their graveyard.

Yubel's dueling strategy is the complete opposite. Ryo always goes for the one turn kill, Yubel summons zero attack monsters, negates any damage done to them, and then drags out the duel while chipping away at their opponents lifepoints. Ryo's strategy is offense is the defense, Yubel on the other hand believes defense is the best defense.

Once again when it comes to deck composition Ryo's deck has one strategy, get beat stick on the field, and swing for the one turn kill. Yubel on the other hand runs four decks in total, Exodia, Advanced Crystal Beasts, Sacred Beasts and Yubel. Ryo switches to Cyberdarks in season two but fails to master them resulting in the deck shocking him until his heart fails, and then just switches back to Cyber Dragon. Ryo's dueling style is symbolic of his greatest weakness: his belief in his own perfection leading to his own inflexibility and belief he can't grow. While Yubel's dueling style plays into their greatest strength, their endurance and determination.

Yubel burns up on re-entry to the atmosphere? Manipulate Cobra and Martin to harvest duel energy until they can reconstitute their body. Have their body destroyed a second time by Johan's sacrifice? Take over Johan's body, lure Judai into the dark world to rescue Johan. The duel with Ryo makes them suffer severe damage? Yubel already planned for that and manipulated Amon to appear at the ideal time so they could feast on the darkness of his heart. Take advanced darkness and dark rainbow dragon off the field? Yubel was planning for that and plays last trick and a card that ends the duel in a draw and accomplish their goal of yoinking super polymerization. Destroy Yubel's boss monster - Yubel has an effect that if it's destroyed by anything other than their own effect it just summons an even more powerful Yubel.

Yubel is also highly adaptable. In the duel with Amon they eliminate his path to exodia twice, and find a way to recover when their boss monster armityle is knocked off the field.

It is this adaptability that gives Yubel the edge over Ryo the entire duel. Ryo has one strategy and that is beef up their beatstick and go for the one turn kill, and Yubel's damage negation is the perfect counter to that.

Ryo immediately falls for Yubel's trap, underestimating Yubel due to their low attack point monsters and then swinging right into the damage negation.

Ryo: You mock me by putting out such a small monster. Yubel: As the duel proceeds you'll understand. Ryo: What? Crystal beasts are special monsters that are hard to remove from the field, but they have one weakness. The low attack points of the individual monsters. THe advanced dark combo to compensate. But.... a man with no future knows no feature.

Ryo employs the same strategy over and over again, summoning a strong monster, attacking into Yubel in spite of the damage negation. All he accomplishes is making it easier for Yubel to get rainbow darkness dragon on the field.

After which Ryo switches strategies to try to remove Yubel's methods of damage negation one by one and getting good old Chimeratech onto the field, and then blindly swinging for game while Yubel still has backrow.

At which point Ryo is only left with one strategy, doubling Cyber End Dragon's attack with power bond to beat over Rainbow darkness dragon. While this moment is considered an iconic moment, it's also symbolic of Ryo's complete lack of growth - he ends the duel the exact same way as his duel with Judai, quardupling his Cyber dragon's attack - except this time all he accomplishes is blowing himself up.

His duel with Yubel is perfect example of his hubris. Ryo focused on same strategies as he did in season 1, which caused Cyberdarks to lash out on him and give him heart attacks, each one more violent than the last. That epic moment where Cyber End Dragon is standing with 16000 ATK should be seen in a negative light. Two years apart and Ryo still ends up with the very same monster in the field with the nearly identical attack points, (SOURCE).

Ryo was never going to win that duel with Yubel however, because before Ryo even entered the duel they were resigned to lose - either by sacrificing themselves to purge Yubel from Johan or losing after dueling their best duel to inspire Judai. Either way he had zero expectation of getting out of their alive.

Which is the ultimate difference between Yubel and Ryo, Yubel wants to be saved, and Ryo turns away everyone's efforts to help him. Even though the two of them are in opposite circumstances, Ryo is surrounded by a support network who reach out to help him again and again and he chooses not to take their hands. While the person responsible for Yubel's trauma makes half-hearted pleas for them to stop, and ultimately in their final duel decides to put them down like a mad dog until the last possible minute.

Which leads to Judai's funniest quote ever.

Judai: Yubel, while you were enveloped in the breath of light becoming stained by evil, and alone burning with your need for revenge I was forging many allies. Judai: And they all taught me that real love is something so big and deep it contains the whole universe. The love in which you believe is just a self-satisfied assumption. Yubel: Assumption? Yubel: What's wrong with the assumption I made? Had I not convinced myself I was loved, then there would have been no way to bear all that hardship. And yet, they all stole your love away from me. Yubel: Hahaha, I see sob stories do not work on Supreme king Judai.

Damn Judai, why didn't you make friends while you were trapped in a satellite in space for ten years straight? Sounds like a skill issue to me.

Ryo has three consecutive duels where Samejima, Fubuki and Sho all plead with him to go back to his usual self. Sho again, agrees to wear the electrodes just to try to understand the pain his brother went through and bring him back from the edge.

Sho: I don't understand you anymore, brother. The way you are now, there's no way I can respect you. Ryo: I feel the same way. In a match there's no room for feelings like respect. All I want is victory. Yes, all I respect anything it's victory. Ryo: if I can win, I'll become ugly, even tainted. I don't care what anyone says about me! Sho: All I wanted was to bring you back to the way you were...

Even in season three, Cronos tells Ryo there's still hope for him to keep on living, and Sho begs his brother in tears not to kill himself in the duel against Yubel. Tellingly, the only one who cheers him on during that duel is Judai, who is similarly suicidal.

Which is why Yubel wins the duel, Ryo refuses any help and while Yubel clings to their idea that love is pain, ultimately what they want from Judai is empathy and understanding.

Yubel: When you forgot me I suffered. It's hot, it hurts, I'm in pain. Why? You know how much I love you. Why did you do this to me? Yubel: In that moment I realzied. That was how you showed love. Because you loved me, you hurt me and made me suffer. Because you see, the entire time I suffered I never once forgot about you. Yubel: I was so happy when you solved the mystery I laid out for you. That's why I decided I would fill all twelve dimensions with my love for you. Then, surely you would understand my love. Yubel: That was why I tried to fill all those around you, and the world with anguish and sorrow. And it appears I did the right thing. After all, you are here with me right now.

Ultimately, there is nothing Sho could have done for Ryo, short of knocking him unconscious and dragging him away from the duel with Yubel.

Judai gives advice to Sho who's struggling with the changes in his brother, that even if you don't approve of what someone you love is doing, you can still stay by their side and watch over them.

Sho: Bro what would you do? f the person you cared about the most was tainted by evil. And you couldn't bring him back. Judai: You just have to watch him. No matter how much he's changed, you still care about him right. So you'll have to watch him forever and ever. Sho: But then. Judai: Yeah, you might not help them at all... But, you can't just do nothing. That's why, if it were me, I'd watch him until the very end even if he didn't like it. That's the proof that I care about him.

This is the advice the convinces Sho to never give up on Judai even after he becomes the Supreme King, and Judai following his own advice is what leads him to ultimately save Yubel by fusing their souls together to watch over them for the rest of their lives. Even Sho sticks with his brother and forgives him over and over again, which leads to Ryo's salvation as well and eventually repairs their relationship.

Anyway, that's the end of this duel look forward to my next post where Yubel delivers one of the most iconic roasts of all time to Amon.