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#and you should be proud of yourself for that too
kenntolog · 1 day
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Can I request something with popular bf Gojo and shy gf reader where reader is getting belittled and bullied by a group of girls and has been for a while, but doesn’t tell Gojo cause he doesn’t want her to worry, and sort of taking what they say to heart a little. Gojo notice this and eventually reader breaks down and tells him what’s going on
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as soon as it starts, gojo notices something shifting in you immediately.
it’s not a visible nor a clearly sensible shift in your behaviour or appearance, yet somehow gojo is able to tell something is wrong and he is kind of proud of himself for that. yet the feeling of pride dims compared to the worry growing inside of him.
because you never tell him when something bothers you and he’s sure whatever is happening, he’s just not there to see it. you’re too embarrassed to say it to him since you don’t want him to worry, which sucks completely. it gets so bad, that satoru has to physically stop you from running away whenever he starts asking about what’s the matter, but you get overwhelmed easily and he lets go.
yet, this time he catches you right when you want to slip away; red eyes and shaking shoulders as you try to contain your sobs and run away from him so he doesn’t see, but he is quick to catch up to you in the empty hallway, caging you between his arms.
“let go, ‘toru—”
he gently tugs your hands away from your face, frowning at the dried tracks of tears on your cheeks , “no, tell me what’s wrong.”
“please, can’t we talk later?”
“no! stop running away from me!”
the way his voice cracks makes you shudder as you look up at him warily, finally realising that he’s hurt too. you stop resisting and hide yourself in his chest, sobbing violently while satoru holds you close silently. he moves around so he can slide down the wall and have you sit in his lap, arms only tightening around you.
“they…” you gaze at him through your wet eyelashes, voice a little shaky as your eyes bore into the worry splashing deeply in his, “they say mean things to me.”
“what kind of mean things?”
“all kinds of,” you mumble, eventually relaxing into his hold and letting him stroke your hair. “about my looks, my face, my stuff — just everything, y’know?”
he hums, hoping you’d continue.
“i know i should just ignore that, but then they start saying stuff about you and our relationship, and i can’t help but let it get to me? i know you love me, yet i… maybe they are right? maybe i am not good enough and you deserve more. prettier. funnier. smarter.”
you voice gets more and more quiet as you ramble about what’s been happening. and as you fiddle with your fingers, head hung low with staggered breathing, you’re unable to see how every single word you say nearly breaks satoru’s heart into a million of pieces.
“oh sweetheart.”
you look up at him, wiping the last of your tears. it seems like you’ve already come to terms with whatever the hell they were spewing at you and it makes satoru very angry. it has been going on for far too long, so long that it changed your brain chemistry and how you feel about yourself, and he hates it so so much.
“you are more than enough for me.”
you stare at him all wide eyed for a second before your face scrunches and you start crying once again, hot tears staining his hand as he wipes every single one of them. gojo cups your face gently and brings it closer to his so he can speak directly into your ear.
and he doesn’t spare any of his thoughts for you, letting you know that you’re everything he wants and he wouldn’t ask for anyone else; that you’re his favourite person in the whole world and he loves you very very much; that it hurts him that you’re hurting and are scared to tell because he’d do anything it takes to make you feel better. placing gentle kisses on your cheek since it’s so closer and he absolutely can’t resist you.
satoru doesn’t expect you to change your mind about everything in one day, but he’s ready to tell you those same words and more every single day if that’s what you need.
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brodieland · 2 days
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Heyyyy, so idk if you do this or notttt but could you write a nonevil!Luke AU where he moves in with Y/N after he gets too old for camp and after a few months they “adopt” Annabeth (she just stays w them during the school year) if not that’s ok! 🩵🩵
.˚ 𓈒 ࣪.𝝑𝝔 New York New Home !! ´ˎ˗
Luke Castellan x Fem!Aphrodite!Reader Synopsis: moving in with Luke, with a little Annabeth by your sides!! Tag(s): BLURB, cursing, nun to much Word Count: 842 A/N: ugh why are they such cutiesss
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You sighed as you plopped your self onto the cold island in your brand new kitchen. When you and your boyfriend Luke turned 20, you both thought it was finally time to leave camp, make a life for yourself and move in together. It was the end of summer, beginning of August to be exact, but the heat still ripped through the apartment as if it were June.
"Yeah yeah, just sit there and look pretty," Luke grunted as he placed another box in the living room. "No need to help!"
You smiled and rolled over to your stomach, this kitchen was huge!! You rested your head on your hands as your feet swung in the air as you admired your sweaty boyfriend. The way his muscles were flexing as he lifted something heavy and his shirt sticking to him from his sweat made him look so yummy!!!
Luke just laughed as he walked over to you and leaned over you on the counter, "Pictures last longer y'know."
"Why take a picture when I can have the real thing," you gloated. He leaned down and slowly kissed you. He had one hand on your cheek while your cherry flavored chapstick drove him crazy.
"Yuck," Annabeth fake gagged as she walked through the door, with her book bag slung on her shoulders and duffel in hand. The two of you decided it would be best to take Annabeth with you and give her a home during the school year. You and Luke pulled away and looked toward the 13 year old girl who was sending disgusted looks towards the two of you. "Do I have to stay here, is this what I'm in for?"
"Oh come on, don't be like that," Luke chuckled as he ruffled her hair.
"Yeah Annie, we want you here," you said as you hopped off the counter, pulling down your lifted shirt. "You can even go to school now, you know how much you have to learn to be an architect?"
She sighed and smiled as she agreed, "guess your right."
"Ooh! Let's show you your room," you clapped as you held her hand and dragged her to an empty room. "Ta-Da!!"
You held out your hands as you showed off Annabeth's new room. You pointed toward the big window that looked over Times Square. Being a model with a boyfriend who can be a really good klepto whenever he wants can really rack up the cash. Luke just stayed back, leaning on the door way while the both of you geeked over the view.
Annabeth pulled her small digital camera from her bag and handed it to you, "Here, here, take my picture." She smiled and posed with a proud face as if she herself were the one who built the buildings.
"Perfect," you handed back the camera. "Sending it to someone?"
"Oh yeah, I wanted to show Percy the new house, especially the view."
"I'm pretty sure he knows little more about Time Square than you do," Luke joked, causing her to just roll her eyes, and grunt out a whatever. What a teenager in the making.
"You should invite him over and hang out before school starts. And you know we got you a trundle bed, if you wanted to have a sleepover or something."
"You'd let Percy sleepover?"
"We were thinking more like Thalia, now that she's back on her feet," Luke said.
"Yeah, your right," she chuckled.
"We'll let you get settled in," you smiled as you walked out with Luke trailing in behind you. You stared out into the empty living room, smiling while thinking about how you and Luke live together. He walked up behind you, hugging you by the waist. "We should really get some furniture."
"Why, I mean I don't mind sleeping on the floor. Childhood memories," he joked. You softly smacked his arm.
"Not funny."
"Your smiling."
"C'mere," you grabbed his hand, this time going to your room across the apartment. "This one's ours."
Your room was just as empty, but had the same view as Annabeth, just about an apartment length to the left. You walked back up to the window, place your hands on the glass. "So many people down there, we definitely need some curtains. Can't let someone catch me changing."
Luke came from behind you again, placing his hands next to yours, caging you in. "I don't know, don't you think they'd enjoy the free show?"
"You're such an ass," you smiled, turning around and placing your hands on his face. You pulled him down, and kissed him once more. Luke moved his hands from the glass down to your hips, pressing you on the glass behind you.
"Guys do you know how - AGAIN," Annabeth groaned at the sight of you two for the second time today. She just turned around and slammed the two shut while you and Luke exchanged looks. The two of you bursted out in laughter while Annabeth slowly creeped the door open again, "I still need help with something."
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leah-lover · 2 days
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Proposal. Leah Williamson x reader.
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Arsenal was your heart and soul. It was everything you worked for, dreamed of and thought about. You dedicated everything to the club. In it you forged a family, lifelong friendships and a most wonderful relationship. However, when a journey decides to end you must embrace it.
The team has organized a dinner to celebrate everything you have given to the club, your commitment and your new journey. You were getting ready for it when you heard a knock on the bathroom door.
“ You ready love? “ Asked Leah while looking at you with most love sick eyes.
“ Almost. You look dashing and lovely.” You respond to her. She visibly blushes and hugs you from the back.
“ You too look very very sexy.” She adds referring to the black dress you decided to wear. “ Can't wait until I get it off of you tonight.” She whispers before kissing your bare shoulder.
After getting ready you both head to the restaurant. When you found yourself outside, Leah holds your hand and says “ I am so proud of you for everything.”
“ And I am proud of you too.” You say before kissing her again.
The dinner doesn't go without a few tears shed from you and your teammates. You laughed, joked, and reminisced about the past. Each one of them gave a short speech thanking you for everything.
Leah was the last one to deliver a speech and when it was her turn to speak she looked very nervous so you squeezed her hand and gave her a small smile before she stood up.
“ I didn't know how to start this speech. I didn't know whether to talk about your amazing accomplishments as a player, your work ethic, your derive or your strength which I find admirable. Or I should talk about how amazing, kind, humourous, intelligent, and sweet you are. Or maybe I should mention how much of an amazing, thoughtful, romantic girlfriend you are. All of these things are true, you are one of the best people I know and I wouldn't have asked for a better person to call my teammate, my friend or my family.”
Leah speech was very touching which made you tear up. However, you didn't care much for your tears when when she got on one knee in front of you, and your teammates.
“ My love, it is true that we will most likely not live in the same city together anymore but that would affect the progress of our relationship. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, build a family with you and most importantly call you my wife. So would you do me the honor of marrying me?.”
Tears stained your cheeks as Leah opened the box with the diamond ring in it. You were speechless, but very very happy.
“ Yes oh god yes.” You semi yell as you go down to kiss her.
The restaurant is full of cheers and your friends go feral as Leah puts the ring on your finger.
“I am so glad I get to be your wife.” you say to Leah and you help her get up.
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shiggybrainr0t · 2 days
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shouto todoroki x reader
word count: 2k
warnings: reader has hair that can be tucked behind their ear, reader is bullied, forced self-harm (forced to pinch their cheeks)
a/n: this is my entry for @bloompompom ‘s “to all the fictional boys I’ve loved before” writing collab!!! the rom com I chose was ‘Ella enchanted’ because I instantly knew Shouto would fit perfectly ❤️ thank you for letting me join!! i love this but I also think it is not my best work and kind of cringey 💀 this was also inspired by many kdrama cliches djsjsks
summary: you have a quirk that makes you obey every command you are given. if only there was a prince who could come save you? or better yet, help you save yourself.
You're six years old when you develop your quirk. Your parents had taken you to the doctor, scared that you were quirkless, which in turn made you scared as well. The doctor reassured them that everything seemed fine, and your quirk should develop soon. Who would have thought that being quirkless would have been better.
It happened one day in kindergarten. Your then best friend was mad at you because you didn’t want to play dodgeball, and instead wanted to sit in the sandpit. In the heat of her anger, she screeched at you to “go eat rocks!” only to be shocked whenever you stiffly got up and did just that.
Your teacher was horrified when she was dragged over by your friend to see you, with gravel filling your mouth and tears running down your cheeks. When asked why, all you could simply muster was that you had too. You ended that day with a trip to the ER, multiple cuts inside your mouth, and a broken tooth.
Looking back, your quirk probably had already developed. You were known to be a very obedient child— it just took something extreme to clue everyone in. And it would only go downhill from there.
Your parents didn’t mean to take advantage of your quirk. Normal parental comments like “eat all your vegetables” and “go clean your room” just meant that you couldn’t talk back and had to follow the commands instantly. It became a habit almost to voice their requests as demands instead of suggestions or requests. You couldn’t fault them for it really. Especially not whenever they praised your good behavior in front of others, always so proud of their perfectly behaved child. Eventually, when you stopped talking as much and began secluding yourself more to avoid the feeling of your body and mind being forced to do something, they didn’t really seem to notice.
It was a day in your last year of high school that you met Shouto. You had always noticed him of course. Your general studies class and his hero class had been keeping the same lunch time for your entire high school career. He was princely in his stoicism. Perfect face not marred by his scar, only enhanced. He moved like an elegant dancer— every move calculated and on point. It would be no surprise to anyone that you had started harboring a crush on the fellow student. Who hadn’t had a crush on him would be the better question.
Alone at your table in the corner, you’d admire Shouto and his friends at lunch. They always looked like they were so close— the whole class did to be honest. Deku and the others were the only ones who you ever saw crack that perfect facade. A tiny smile here, a barely wrinkled brow there. It was magical to watch. The prince and his court.
You were glad he had made friends. You couldn’t say the same. Try as you might, you just couldn’t keep your quirk a secret. And once one person knew, it wasn’t long until there were many people taking advantage of it. You had gotten by relatively unscathed so far. You mostly got orders to do others homework and class chores. Many afternoons it was only you left in the classroom working away without choice, trying to finish the class chores before dark.
Your only reprieve came in the home room teacher of said prince: Aizawa. He had learned of your quirk, and it only took him one afternoon seeing you doing the chores alone for him to figure out the bullying. You refused to tattle, knowing that it would only make things worse, but he was able to release you from the power of your classmates’ demands.
You were given a strict suggestion, not an order though this time you don’t think you would have minded, to come find him anytime you needed his help. No adult had ever helped you like this before. All of your parent’s friends fawned over your quirk, and lamented about how they wished their own children had developed the same quirk. They had no idea.
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It was an afternoon where the sun was shining brightly. A perfect day for something ugly to happen— especially to someone with luck like yours. There was one girl in your class who always had it out for you. You didn’t know why, you had never even talked to her. Your attempts to remain unseen unfortunately did not work this day, because for some reason the most popular boy in your class had decided he thought you were cute and voiced that to his friends.
Enraged, the girl hissed at you after class in a voice filled with venom, “He won’t think you’re cute if your face is full of bruises. Pinch yourself and don’t stop.” As your body filled with syrupy static and your hand raised to your cheek to grasp it in a hard pinch, you fled to try and find the only man who could make you stop.
By the time you made it to the hero department, your cheeks were sore and tears had filled your eyes. You didn’t even notice the prince you had always admired from the top of your tower pause as you sped by, face marred by a frown at your distraught expression.
The pro hero was obviously unamused by how you refused to tell who had made you pinch yourself. A trip to Recovery Girl however had you right as rain, and you were honestly ready for the day to just be over. The last thing you were expecting was Shouto to be standing outside the nurse’s room waiting for you. His face serious and his large arms crossed over his chest. His uniform fit him perfectly, you noticed, like it was tailored just for him.
“I’ve heard about you.”
Your mouth dropped open without your permission . His voice, deep and smooth, glided over you like water and cooled on your skin.
“You have a quirk that makes you do what people tell you to do.”
You had heard about his blunt nature, but hearing it for the first time in person shocked you. At your timid nod, his brow furrowed, and his eyes gave you a once over quickly.
“You can come get me. If you ever need help.” With this statement he pushed off the wall, and without a goodbye walked away.
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You tell yourself that it’s just in Shouto’s nature to help people in need. He is in the hero course, so naturally he would follow you whenever he saw you were distress. Shouto being, well Shouto, makes it very hard to keep this in mind.
After the pinching incident, you seemed to have become a target for your classmates’ anger and frustrations. One classmate failed an English test, and to make themselves feel better they ordered you to jump on one foot until you couldn’t anymore.
Eventually left alone in the hallway, your jumping not being entertaining enough to them anymore, your saving grace came in the form of your prince. You don’t know why he was in the general studies section of the school, but you couldn’t complain— multiple students had walked by you with barely a glance. He walked over to you quickly and put a hand on your waist.
“Stop.” His voice cleared the haze in your mind making you obey, and his cool hand kept you steady as you wobbled, unstable after jumping for so long. Shouto straightened your uniform jacket with nimble fingers before walking away, leaving before you could even say thank you.
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The next big incident came in the form of you being told to dump your glass of water over your head in front of everyone in the cafeteria. You quickly ran off afterwards, and your prince followed only a few feet behind.
Staring at yourself in the bathroom mirror, your shoulders dropped. The bathroom door opening suddenly made you whirl around, heart racing whenever you saw the signature two toned hair of Shouto.
You had never seen this much emotion on his face before. He looked angry as he stalked over to you. He grabbed the paper towels you were using to dry yourself, and his hand raised up close to your face. The air around you turned warm. Steam surrounded you as he evaporated the water from your hair and down to your shoulders. You were reminded of how you would sit in front of the heater after playing in the snow as a child, defrosting contently.
“Why don’t you tell the teacher who does this?” His voice was soft, a contrast to his angry demeanor.
You looked up at him, and saw how genuine he was. He cared so much about the wellbeing of a stranger. A prince indeed. You decided to take a big step, and tell him something you’ve never told anyone.
“I-I can’t.”
Your voice was meek, and his face turned stoic as he took in your answer.
“You can’t, as in someone ordered you not to.”
It wasn’t a question but you nodded nonetheless.
“You know there is a loophole for this, yes?” He said it so simply, no judgement in his voice, only the same warmth.
With a sigh, you begin to explain. “Their dad is my dad’s boss, and somehow they figured this out.”
With a hum, Shouto grabbed a strand of your hair between his nimble fingers. He twirled it around before tucking it behind your ear and smiling. It was like looking at the sun.
“I think I can help.”
He held your hand as you both walked back to the cafeteria. It was his fire side, and the warmth radiated up your arm and into your heart. Before you both entered the cafeteria, he spoke.
“I know you can’t verbally tell me who is responsible for this, but whenever I point them out I want you to squeeze my hand. I already have some idea.”
To show him you understood, you gave his hand a shy squeeze. This made him send a small smile your way, and you could feel the breath physically leave your lungs.
Shouto confidently walks you to the right table, leaving a quiet room after him. Everyone seemed shocked to see you both hand in hand, except his friends. Glancing over quickly you could see that Deku and Ochaco had large grins on their faces, while Iida was nodding in what you could only interpret as aggressive approval.
Your classmates stared at the both of you in trepidation as you and Shouto came to a stop in front of their table. Without saying anything, Shouto quickly pointed at the girl who had always had it out for you, and made sure the rest of the class began to feel the same way. Surprised he knew so fast, you squeezed his hand, heart beating furiously.
“I see.” Was all he said, and you watched as the girl’s face turned pale in the glory of his ire.
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The next few days seemed to happen in a blur. Shouto had taken you straight to Aizawa to tell him who your tormentor was, as well as the concerns that held you back from using the loophole of your quirk sooner. The next day, the girl and her family met you in Nezu’s office to apologize.
They bowed to you, and the father told you that he was relocating himself and his family to South Korea, so there would be no worry of any retaliation against your father. Your father might even get a promotion. You noticed how pale he seemed as he looked at the tall figure looming behind you, icy hot eyes staring the man down.
Later that day, you stood shyly in front of a stoic Shouto, trying to put into words how grateful you were.
“That wasn’t the first time I had noticed you, you know.” He spoke first.
“What?”
“I’ve um. I’ve always thought you were really pretty.”
Shouto looked away from you suddenly, bringing a hand up to scratch the back of his head. A soft pink highlighted the tips of his ears.
“I’ve always thought you were really handsome as well.”
Shouto’s head snapped back towards you in surprise. Before he speaks, his eyes focused over your shoulder and his expression crumpled. You looked behind you, shocked to see Deku, Ochaco, and Iida peeking out from behind the corner. Deku was exaggerating his expressions and mouthing “ask them out!” They spot you looking and quickly popped back behind the wall.
You laugh brightly, and find your confidence.
“Will you go out with me, Shouto?”
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g0dlyunsub · 1 day
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hey!!! Ugh I just love your account! I have a request for Spencer Reid x fem reader!! Can you do one where he is always working and it makes the reader upset bc he is cancelling dates and coming home late and kinda neglects her feelings and doesn't really notice how much it affects her and how sad she gets and then he misses their anniversary dinner and she breaks and tells him that it makes her upset when he's gone all the time and he just feels so awful bc he's so in love with her and never wants her to feel that way because of him and apologizes and reassures her and makes sure she feels loved!!
ty for the request and i loved the idea for this one!
wishful thinking.
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pairing :: spencer x fem!reader
warnings :: angst with a fluffy ending; very mild makeout session at the end :3
word count :: 2.4k
author’s note :: i kind of giggled at the ending as i was writing it, but i’m pretty proud of how this one turned out!
accompanying song :: neverthere by xander
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spencer’s phone is quite literally the bane of your existence.
you know what to expect whenever it rings, so you hate when it actually does – its earthquaking vibrations and trilled beeps tear the happiness straight out of you.
it’s the second date in a row that he’s had to pass, and you wonder if you should just stop trying so hard. was it selfish to want to have him all to yourself, to have him seated right across from you, sharing your laughter as you pass him his plated pasta? were you expecting too much, imagining a serene life with him ten years down the road, perhaps with kids or pets of your own? was it unfair to think that you could craft a lie, telling him your stomach hurt really bad, so bad that you would have to curl up on the floor and pray he’d stay by your side just this once to comfort you?
all you ever wanted was spencer. more specifically, you wanted spencer during your first three dates, when he’d silence all of his phone calls, and wave them off like nothing even though you insisted he take them. maybe if you didn’t bring up the importance of taking work calls, none of this would have ever happened. maybe it was all coming back to bite you for your non-confrontational nature, since you could never plead him to actually stay.
but he’s your boyfriend… and that’s all that matters, right? after all, he has lives to save – people whose names are called out during prayers day and night by their loved ones as they cling on to the sliver of hope that your boyfriend and his team promise during the darkest hours. granted, spencer would drop everything if you were in a similar situation, but none of your problems have actually been life-threatening. but a girl can dream, can’t she? your first anniversary date was when spencer promised to make amends, a formal compensation for all of the past dates that he missed and left you feeling empty on your shared bed, stains of mascara chalked up on your dry cheeks.
“i’m so sorry, honey, i’ve just been… called in for work,” spencer stands, dusting the napkin that was folded nicely on his lap. you watch as he takes a sip of his glass of water, then walks over to you to plant a kiss on your forehead.
he runs his fingers along the velvety texture of the sleeves of your dress, and you offer him a weak smile.
“it’s okay, duty calls, right?” you feel the tears surfacing and you have to fight yourself to not blink. it’s too early to cry.
“i-it’s a really bad one this time, and i hate to do this on such an important day-” spencer begins to apologize frantically, and his face marks an expression of genuine concern with his brows furrowing and lips twitching.
“it’s okay. you need to go, i understand.” you state plainly, and you immediately feel shameful – your words are too assertive and snarly for how you normally respond.
spencer pauses briefly, fidgeting with his fingers, before he gives a slight nod in your direction. he then walks over to the couch, grabs a book, and tightens the clasps on his bag. 
“i’ll be back as fast as i can,” spencer utters quietly and walks out of the door. when the apartment door locks with a click, you break down immediately.
at first, the tears fall one by one. but then, a salty stream evident of pure emotional wreckage makes its way into the slight gap of your lips, and it’s an unstoppable domino effect. your shoulders shudder and heave as you struggle to catch breaths in between, and you splutter cries of your boyfriend’s name. 
maybe it would’ve been better to just stay as conversational partners, to exchange updates once in a while when he’d actually commit to a time. it was your fault for getting your hopes up high, and all of this – fanciful dinner and dressing your best for the occasion – was wishful thinking. you just didn’t want to admit it.
“y/n?” 
you look up to see spencer in front of the doorway, and his bag that was barely holding on to his shoulder drops to the floor with a thud.
you quickly look away, brushing the tears away with one arm and sniffle before choking out a response.
“i thought you left already, why are you here?” again, your words come out icier than you had hoped and hit you with a sharp pang of guilt.
spencer narrows his eyes ever so slightly as if he’s scrutinizing you, observing your body language. it doesn’t take a genius to know that you’re upset.
“i was going to. realized i forgot-,”
he clears his throat when you raise your eyebrows and proceeds, "i misplaced my wallet."
he slips out of his loafers, shoving aside his pair of converses that lie adjacent to your pretty pair of heels. he walks over to you, and you realize that you’re still seated at the dining table. you must look so stupid right now, waiting as if he’d just be returning from a bathroom break.
“i need to head out, but i promise… i promise we’ll talk about this really soon. we’ll have the anniversary dinner and-”
“did you even try?” you blurt out, and you look up at him with your puffy eyes glazed with tears.
a deathly silence clouds over the entire apartment, and you’re thinking of two options: leave the apartment and go run to a friend’s place, or confront him and see whether making amends – again, wishful thinking – would be possible.
“y/n. please believe me when i say that i’ve tried to, i’ve tried-”
you slam a hand to the table before standing up, your face twisting into an expression of outrage.
“no, because then you would’ve silenced it. you would’ve cut the call, just like you used to.” you fire your words at him as your hair sticks to the drying tears on your cheeks, and you begrudgingly wipe at your face. 
a slow sigh escapes from spencer’s lips, and he looks at you with those eyes – the eyes that seemingly warn you, saying you don’t want to go there. not right now.
but you double down on him, the rage fueling your words as you lash out. 
“it was just this one time. i only wanted you to stay for dinner just this one time.” you helplessly drop your hands to your sides, the tears landing on the floor with soft plops.
“i know. and i’m terribly sorry.” spencer bites his bottom lip and takes a step toward you. but you take a step back, and maybe that pulls a string between the two of you, because you can see how his shoulders tense up.
“look, can we talk about this when i get back? i’ll make it up to you, i swear.” he combs through his hair, the stress almost palpable as it leaks from his shaking fingers.
while you know he has to head out again, the way he so easily brushes off the conversation like it’s something he doesn’t even want to think about feeds into your disbelief. soon, however, your anger subsides into a tired frown. 
“i don’t know, you might come home late… when i’m asleep or something.” you look at the wall where a photo of the two of you is framed, and you weakly smile at how happy you seemed then. 
“i’ll give you a call, is that okay?” he searches your face for any signs of approval, but you’re zoned out thinking about the past, of how everything used to be.
“whatever, just go.” you wave him off and walk to the couch, where you lie down and turn against him to face the plush fabric.
spencer sighs, and his hand looms over your head momentarily before he grabs his wallet from the table. you hear a faint sorry trail from behind as he leaves the room, and your nails claw at the arms of the couch before the darkness cradles you once again.
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it’s 10:30 pm, and you hear the doorknob click again. you had just cleaned up the dishes after eating dinner alone and left his portion in the fridge. you were now changed into your pajamas and getting ready for your night routine.
you peep out of your bedroom door to see spencer, his suit all wet. he looks at you as he takes off his shoes, and a sullen expression paints his face. did it start raining after he left? you realize that you were mostly cooped up in the bedroom since his departure, so you wouldn’t have known.
bravely looking up at him in the eye, you state: “you came back early.” you hate how unwelcoming you sound in his own home.
he pauses before he sets his wet bag on the floor and removes his blazer jacket to throw over a chair. 
he approaches you, hands in his pockets and hair twisted in matted curls. 
“hm.” he grabs a towel from the closet and makes his way to the shower, brushing past your shoulder. you feel an icy shudder spread through your spine after he closes the bathroom door.
was he giving you the silent treatment right now? 
you hear the water start from the bathroom and you sink into your bed while turning to twist the lamp lights on.
after all that torturous waiting you went through, he was giving you the silent treatment?
fifteen minutes later, a knock reverberates from the other side of the bedroom door, and even though you don’t respond, spencer steps in. he’s changed into a t-shirt and black pajama pants, and he drops next to you on the bed.
“i’m taking the week off.” 
the sentence startles you, and it’s something so unexpected you choke on your own saliva.
“what, what do you mean you’re taking the week off?” you ask him, finally turning to face him in the eyes. his brown irises blaze into your own.
“i’ve been pushing off everything you wanted to do with me — things that I wanted to do with you — and i’ve just been…” he turns away to play with the wrinkles on his pants as he speaks, picking out the dust that lies embedded between the folds.
he pinches the bridge of his nose and lets out a deep sigh. he continues, “i don’t know if it’s all worth it.”
silence casts a blanket over the two of you.
“spence,” you say after a while, and hesitantly lay a hand on his thigh.
“nothing’s more important in the world to me than you. you and your happiness. i know you love this job and i know you love helping people. you’re such a kind hearted man, and it’s why i fell in love with you in the first place.”
when spencer gives you no response, you confess: “spence, i get jealous sometimes.”
this time his eyes widen, and he looks at you.
“you do?” he asks softly, peering into your eyes and you cave instantly. 
“of course i do. it’s… everybody wants you, spencer. we all need you, whether we realize it or not.”
he scoffs.
“but i only want you.”
his voice is raspy yet mellow at the same time, the smoothest stream of sweetness seeping through your eardrums. god. you can never stay mad at this gorgeous man, the same man that made you cry on numerous occasions just counting the past week.
“you need to do more than that, if you… you know.” you quietly murmur as you fidget with the hem of your nightgown.
“i know,” he speaks with a hushed tone. “i told hotch, and i told him it was going to happen whether he liked it or not. the demands of this job are… tough, but i don’t want to miss out on all the things we planned together. i won’t.”
you start bawling right when he delivers the last word, and all the tears that you were holding back spill over your flushed cheeks. your boyfriend immediately leans in to console you, pulling you into a tight embrace as his chin rests on top of your head. 
it’s okay, he murmurs reassuringly. you ease into his touch, and you realize how much you missed this. how much you missed spending time with him.
his left hand tugs lightly at your soft hair while his right rubs your back in smooth circles. 
“i missed you,” you speak with a hushed voice, looking up into his eyes as a glassy coat of tears blur your vision. 
he cups your face with his hands before whispering, “i missed you too.”
you continue to blabber words of love-stained anguish but he cuts you off short, pulling you in for a short kiss on your lips, which are now tainted with your tears.
“you taste… salty,” he whispers, giving you a slight smile as he brushes off the rest of your tears that weigh down on your eyelashes.
“it’s because of you, silly,” you drawl as you taste the salty residue of your tears.
yeah, spencer responds hesitantly. but he’s wearing a small smile, tilting his head to one side as his eyes emit a glint of tranquilizing peace.
he reaches into his pajama pocket and takes out a piece of candy. you curiously watch as his fingers quickly remove the wrapper, revealing a glazed cherry-flavored sphere. 
“may i?” he asks, and his faint voice is a gravitational force that you can’t resist.
you briefly respond with a lazy hm? before he plops the candy into your mouth and kisses you again. the sweetness explodes like fireworks with his warm breath, and the sticky layer of sugar melts like acid on your intertwined tongues. you let out a satisfied hum when you pull back, and it’s undeniably attractive the way spencer licks the corner of his lips.
a tear falls from your eye again, and this time, it’s not out of sorrow.
260 notes · View notes
waayfo · 3 days
Text
To you, who have lost yourself:
aventurine x gn!reader. a/n : guess who just broke up w their first ever bf 🤓☝️ tags. light angst, (not rlly) hurt/comfort, breakups, mainly just aven’s letter 4u. might add p2 but idk
Everything went like a dream at first; everything tastes sweet, all of Aventurine's demeanor and words always leave an impression on your mind. He was born to be a gentleman, you think.
But you should know more than anyone, that every sweet attitude and speech is a trap. A trap that pushes you over the edge of a cliff.
The cliff is that will lead you to an endless darkness.
“You look breathtaking, Ves'tacha.” and his hand always guides you.
You always loved it when you woke up in the morning, and looked at him still asleep in awe. How can there be a human who looks so stunning?
Stroking his hair, you always say good morning as soon as you see him start to open his eyes. The birds are chirping, and you both are still rotting in bed.
But saying goodbye was never in your vision. The ‘in the end, everyone you’ve ever loved will became a lesson’ was never be your wish. But you can't deny that not falling for sweet words is a lesson for you.
“This is not your fault, but mine. I.. i just need some time alone.” you are now reluctant to hear the words that came out of his mouth.
“But not breakup!” You can’t help but try to hold back your tears. But all you heard next were excuses coming out of his mouth.
How many days have passed since that day? You don't remember it anymore. You start to overworking yourself to forget it.
Forgetting how to eat on time, and how you miss sleeping with someone in your arms.
That first week was like hell, all you remember is crying. Staring at the letter you were holding, you just listened silently to Topaz—your ex's friend—excuse herself.
You ignore the letter for eight days, reluctant to open and read it. Or maybe you are afraid that you will remember everything again?
Day nine, you try to read it. Aventurine's handwriting that you've been missing all this time is clearly visible on the letter.
The “For you, who have lost yourself” writing is clearly visible on the front of the letter, written a little large by purpose.
‘Dearest,
I hope this letter is delivered safely to you.
I don't want to take back my apology. I also don't regret knowing you all this time. I can be happy and finding out about happiness all this time thanks to you. I can feel what love is thanks to you. I can live and love this life thanks to you. The other side of my heart desperately seeking for you, but it’s all too late now..
I can’t change the fact that i’ve hurt you— someone who loved me, also who’s important to me.
After spending a lot of time thinking and asking Topaz for advice, I decided to write a letter of apology—or rather the words I wish I could have said to you sooner:
Your presence always brings calm to me. I don't know how I can describe all the things you make me feel. And you are appreciated, please remember that well. You must love yourself more than you love other people.
I’m very proud of you. You are enough just as you are.
And I never lie when I praise you. I never lie when I say 'I love you'. I didn't lie when I confessed my feelings to you at that time. I never lie about everything I do and say to you.
I'm sorry I couldn't say this sooner.
I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to tell you everything, especially my past.
I'm sorry for being such a coward hiding behind my words.
I'm sorry I didn't say this directly because I knew you would hate me
I’m sorry for all my mistakes.
It was while writing this letter that I realized the real reason I asked to break up; I want you to find someone better than me. Who doesn't just rely on his words even though he is actually a coward.
All my apologies are not enough to replace your feelings which were hurt because of my actions and words.
‘To love is to let go.’ That's the advice Topaz gave me. And it took eight days for me to understand it.
So please, find someone better than me.‘
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hanni-bae44 · 1 day
Text
Title: Die For You (Seonghwa) Part 2
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▶︎၊၊||။|။ 00:10 | Playing: Die For You by The Weeknd
Pairing- Seonghwa x Reader x Wooyoung
Genre- University AU, angst, fluff (warnings: alcohol, mature language, mentions of sex, an argument scene)
Word Count- 7.9k
Summary- Between your best friend who doesn't love you back and the guy that does, things get messy as you try to figure out what exactly your heart wants.
-
​​“So what exactly did Yunho say about me?” you settled on asking, attempting to flutter your eyelashes. Yeah, you were not taking this impromptu meet up as seriously as you should. Sure Wooyoung was cute but you felt goofy today and apparently he found it amusing too because he just smiled.
“Just that you’re his friend and that I had to meet you. He also mentioned that you studied biology but he didn’t exactly mention to me how beautiful you were. If I knew I’d be seeing you tonight, I would’ve dressed up more.” There was a hint of flirtation in his voice when he leaned closer, which caused heat to rush up to your cheeks. He sure knew how to make a girl flustered because the way he looked at you had butterflies running rampant in your stomach. “Enough about what Yunho said though, tell me about yourself,” Wooyoung began, as he took a sip of his drink. 
“Um okay,” you sighed, not knowing where to start. “Well I’m in my third year. And like you already know, I’m studying biology. I want to become a science teacher. I used to tutor for two years and I guess a part of me just likes telling people what to do? I also just love the study of life. It’s so interesting learning how cells and organisms react and respond to external stimuli. And then there’s genetic code and ecology and it's just so cool how we’re practically all dependent on each other, you know?” you noticed how Wooyoung was gazing so intently at you and stopped yourself, “sorry, I’m rambling aren’t I? You probably don’t care. How about you? Tell me about yourself.”
“You’re not rambling at all and I do care. It’s actually nice to hear how passionate you are about your major,” he began. “A lot of people just go to college not knowing what they want or go just because they want to please their parents,” he paused momentarily and there was something in his eyes that looked rather dejected. “I know because I was definitely like that for a while. I was majoring in biology too. I was on track to be pre-med but I was miserable. I hated my classes and the labs but I tried hard to be the son my parents wanted me to be and make them proud. I was so miserable and lonely though that I even considered dropping out but then I met Yeosang over there,” he looked back at both his friends, “and he made me realize that life was too short to waste time pursuing a path I hated. He also made me realize my passion and what it was I actually wanted to do in life so I guess I have him to thank for my epiphany," he reminisced on.
You glanced back at your friends too and caught a glimpse of Seonghwa who was texting and you felt your heart sting. You loved him but there was no way you were going to mourn over what could’ve been forever; you had to move on. You were here with Wooyoung, pay attention to him, you mentally scolded yourself. You were enjoying his company and he was a great guy you could see yourself with if things went well. So, changing your attitude about this borderline date, you gave Wooyoung your full undivided attention. “And what is it that you wanted to do?” you asked. 
“I want to become a professional chef. Or at least do something in the hospitality and tourism industry,” he admitted with a melancholic smile. “I know I just need to go to culinary school but I figured having a bachelors wouldn’t hurt and my parents still wanted me to go to college, so I switched my major to business with a minor in hospitality management. Thankfully after a while, my parents just accepted it and college wasn’t so dreadful anymore. I even joined Delta Sigma Pi too because of Yeosang and met those losers,” he joked and you found yourself smiling too, because he was so endearing in the way he talked and expressed himself. 
As the conversation went on, you’d begin to realize that there was more to meet the eye. Wooyoung was really passionate about the culinary arts and even more introspective than you. His outer appearance was deceptive because although he was genuinely outgoing and silly, he was also a deep thinker and more earnest than you sought him out to be. Just hearing him talk about himself, you realized how hard working he was and how much self discipline he had. He was more wise than you thought too, so if there was one thing you’d learn while talking to him, he really believed in the saying that ‘your efforts never betray you’ and you found yourself standing by those words too.
As the night came to an end, you parted ways with Wooyoung and you guys even exchanged numbers. The rest of your friends split into cabs and you couldn’t stop smiling as you got into the cab with Yunho and Seonghwa to head back to their apartment south of downtown. Before you went out today, you had already decided you were going to crash at Yunho and Seonghwa’s shared apartment. Your car was currently parked at their place and you figured you’d drive back to your apartment tomorrow morning.
“So what do you think of Wooyoung?” Yunho asked from beside you as he manspreaded, forcing you to scoot over. You were practically squished in between the right side of the car door and your tall ass, big limbed friend. A heavy sigh escaped your lips.
“He’s great," you said, trying to get as comfortable as you could with Yunho's shoulder against yours. You instantly regretted climbing in first. The seatbelt was cutting into the side of your neck too and everything just felt uncomfortable. At least it wasn’t entirely terrible. At least the cab man wasn’t cheap and had the AC on at a temperature that wasn’t too cold nor hot.
“He’s a good guy Y/N.” Yunho insisted, lowering his head with a skeptical look in his eyes. It was almost as if he didn’t believe your words. What you said was the truth though, Wooyoung was honestly a great guy.
“I know," you enunciated. "I think I actually really like him,” you assured him while glancing over at Seonghwa who was texting someone (probably Seolhyun) on his phone.
Seonghwa peered up at your words, tilting his head to butt in. “He seems like the typical frat guy. Given how cynical you are, I’m surprised you even ‘like’ him.” The moment those words left his mouth, you scoffed. What did he know?
“Well he’s Yunho’s friend and I trust that he has good judgment. And just because he’s in a fraternity doesn’t mean he’s the stereotypical guys you see. If you just had one conversation with him, you’ll see. Also, I can make my own decisions, and Wooyoung seems like a good guy.”
“If you say so,” Seonghwa sighed, raking his hand through his hair. “You’ve only known him for what? Two hours? Just don’t be surprised when there's someone else.” 
You glared at him. Did he not drink enough tonight? Usually two drinks was enough to loosen him up and he was always a fun drunk.
Yunho elbowed Seonghwa who was so quick to judge. “Don’t listen to him, he’s just in a bad mood because he asked Seolhyun to hang out tomorrow and she blew him off.” He then turned back to you, a hand on your knee. “I know Wooyoung looks like the type to play around, but he’s not. He hasn’t actually hasn't been with anyone in two months," Yunho bragged. "There's nothing to worry about."
“How impressive,” Seonghwa mumbled under his breath before going back on his phone. If he hadn’t told you about his gigantic crush on Seolhyun earlier, you would’ve sworn he was almost jealous with how judgmental and grouchy he was. You ignored his attitude.
“Good to know I won’t be a rebound,” you said comically towards Yunho. “What happened anyway? Did he dump her? She dump him?"
Yunho exhaled. “He dumped her. I didn’t really know his ex that well but from the moment I met her, I didn't like her. And you know me, I like everyone. And turns out, she only used him for his money. Poor Wooyoung, you know? He really liked her.”
“Hold up,” you backtracked. “You’re telling me he’s loaded?”
“Yeah, but he’s really humble about it. He doesn’t tell anyone. Hell, I didn’t even know until his birthday last year when he threw this huge party at his parent’s mansion.” Yunho was saying all of this as if it was no big deal, as if it was common knowledge.
And it left you in shock.
“You should’ve led with that when you told me about him last week,” you joked. “I would’ve agreed to meet him much sooner.”
“Yeah right, Mrs. true love over money. You didn’t even care last week when I told you about how he wanted to meet. You wouldn’t let money deter you from the guy you actually like but who knows, maybe you’d come to like Wooyoung more than you think.” Yunho was right. You didn’t care about materialistic things and would rather be with a guy you genuinely liked than a guy who had money.
But when the guy you liked didn't like you back, you had to move on.
“No wonder why he paid for everyone’s drink,” Seonghwa grumbled from beside Yunho. “What a show off.” 
���He was just being nice.” Yunho glared at Seonghwa before turning to you. “Anyway, speaking of birthdays, what are you doing next week for your birthday?” 
“I have a class then I have a lab,” you droned and Yunho nodded. 
“Nothing afterwards?”
“I’m gonna take a nap,” you said as a-matter-of-factly and Yunho scoffed. 
-
When you arrived at Seonghwa and Yunho’s apartment, Yunho handed you an extra blanket and pillow to sleep on the sofa. You always had your essentials at their place for nights when you crashed over so it was just the usual. Everything was going well until you realized you forgot to bring your pajamas. And you really didn’t want to sleep in your clubbing outfit.
Reluctantly, you walked towards Seonghwa’s room. You would’ve went to Yunho’s room but he was fast asleep, that fact evident from the snores you could hear from outside the hallway. It was so tense between you and Seonghwa earlier but you sucked it up since you had no other choice. You counted to three before knocking on Seonghwa’s door. “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” he said from behind the door. "You can just come in, you know? You don't have to knock every time."
“Just to be safe," you said upon turning the doorknob. A flashback of that one time you almost saw him naked replayed in your head again and you felt heat rush up to your cheeks. You quickly shook that thought away. Thankfully he had pajamas on right now so no repeat of the event two months ago. "So um, can I borrow some clothes? I just don’t want to sleep in this outfit."
He immediately said “sure,” then rummaged through his dresser to toss you one of his t-shirts and basketball shorts. 
“Thanks." You also gave him back his jacket, about to close the door when he spoke up again.
“By the way, do you really like that Wooyoung guy?” He asked as he grabbed the towel beside him to dry his hair. His demeanor was calm so you couldn't read him well. You chewed on the inside of your cheek, trying to come up with a decent response.
“Yeah, I do,” you settled on.
“I don't like him.” His voice was stern and you genuinely wondered what was going on inside his head right now because he had already made it clear how he felt about Wooyoung earlier.
“I know. But I do. So can you at least try to understand?”
Seonghwa sighed. “I’m only looking out for you. Some of Yunho’s friends are nice and all but that doesn’t mean they’re looking for anything serious and I’m just worried you’ll get hurt. You know I care for you right?” You appreciated him but just why did he always have to act like a nagging parent?
“I’ll be fine. I can take care of myself.” You tried not to show how annoyed you were. It was late and you were too tired for this.
“You know I love you right?” he began softly as he neared you, tossing the towel aside. He then grabbed your hands and pulled you into his chest, his arms around you now. “I’m sorry if I was being blunt today but it’s only because I don’t want you to get hurt.” 
If only he knew that he was the reason why you were hurt in the first place. He could always read right through you— except for the times when he was the reason you were upset. It sucked how he broke your heart. And he wasn’t even aware he was doing it. 
“I know,” you mumbled. You tried not to think about the heat of his body against yours because your top was really thin and it left you feeling him everywhere. It did little to stop your heartbeat from quickening so you pulled away. “I should go change now.”
-
Getting settled on the sofa, you tried your best to sleep but you couldn’t stop thinking about how you could hear everything Seonghwa and Seolhyun were talking about. The walls were paper thin and Seonghwa kept flirting and laughing at the things she said.
You used to be the one he called late at night and now she was the one he ended the night talking to. Granted, you were over at his place right now, and he didn’t need to call if he wanted to talk but still. The past week, his late night calls were short and now you knew why. He was busy calling another girl.
To soothe your uneasiness, you ended up texting your roommate-- NingNing-- about the events that occurred tonight and thankfully she was still awake, texting you while FaceTiming Mingi. They were apparently seeing each other now and while you weren't surprised, it still felt weird. At least they finally admitted it though, it was an agonizing few weeks of watching them sneak around and flirt.
After a while of texting and scrolling on your phone, you were about to call it a day when you received a text.
Wooyoung [ 1:02 am ]: hey, are you awake?
You [ 1:02 am ]: depends... is this a booty text?
Wooyoung [ 1:03 am ]: oh no, it's not I swear, I just wanted to talk
Wooyoung [ 1:03 am ]: I have a very important question to ask tho since you're awake
You smiled, pulling Yunho's blanket he clearly didn't wash from the last time you slept over towards your stomach. You half expected a flirtatious response from Wooyoung, but to your surprise, he was adamant that this wasn’t a suggestive text.
You [ 1:03 am ]: hit me with it
Wooyoung [ 1:03 am ]: so, do you like physics?
Who asks this question at 1 A.M.? you thought. You still responded, but the question was just so random, it threw you off guard. 
You [ 1:04 am ] yeah, I actually have to take a few physics courses for my bio major lol, why?
Wooyoung [ 1:04 am ]: because according to newton’s law of universal gravitation, if I’m attracted to you, then you’re attracted to me. 
Wooyoung [ 1:04 am ]: can you confirm? 😆
Wooyoung [ 1:04 am ]: sorry, was that lame? I just saw it online and I thought of you since you like science
You smiled, because it was indeed lame. But he was cute for that so you lied. 
You [ 1:04 am ] nah it’s not lame. I think you’re attractive too, but shouldn’t you be sleeping right now? it’s late lol
Wooyoung [ 1:05 am ]: yeah, but I couldn’t stop thinking of you
And just like that, you ended up texting Wooyoung for the next two hours with a huge grin on your face, your eyelids heavy the whole time.
-
“Admit it, I was right about Wooyoung. I bet you regret not listening to me and meeting him sooner don't you?” Yunho asked with a smug look on his face. It was the next Friday now, and you and him were currently in the library together with your laptops open. You managed to finish one assignment but didn’t get much done because Wooyoung kept texting you which of course caught Yunho’s attention.
“Sure, whatever,” you waved dismissively towards Yunho, too engrossed in the conversation with Wooyoung to look up at him. You couldn’t stop smiling down at your phone while texting Wooyoung.
Ever since that day at the bar, you and him haven’t stopped texting each other. That night, there was no awkwardness, no silence, no overthinking. Conversations with him were so natural and easy. He even made you feel jittery inside because for once you weren’t bored and found the flirting fun. It made you excited. You wanted to get to know more about him and it was a new feeling. You’ve never met someone like Wooyoung before and it was like a breath of fresh air being around him. 
The rest of your friends would show up one by one to the table you were at and wished you happy birthday as they came. Although you turned a year older today, it didn't feel as exciting as it did when you were a kid. It was just another day closer to wrinkles, menopause, and death at this point. If Yunho could read your pessimistic thoughts, he'd surely slap your wrist and call you ridiculous because he absolutely loved birthdays and saw the good in everything.
“Happy birthday!” Seonghwa said loudly as he gave you a back hug, making you startled. He laughed at your reaction before handing you a gift bag with some tissue paper. He stood tall and watched as you pulled out gift.
When you saw the Nintendo Game you had been hinting at for the past month, you squealed and jumped up to give Seonghwa a proper hug, thanking him over and over again before sitting back down.
You really were thankful. Not just for the game, but to have your best friend back. But good moments were fleeting, and it didn’t take long for reality to crash down again.
By the next hour, you finally managed to finish your pre-lab questions. Although the side conversations have never distracted you before, today it did. The majority of your friends were in the university's dance team and while you tried to support them when you could, you had class yesterday during the time of the concert and attendance was required.
Seonghwa managed to pull up the performance last night and forced it in your face, wanting to show off how well they did. And like the supportive friend you were, you watched it, and praised him knowing that Seonghwa, although confident in his skills, had his fair share of doubts and insecurities as well.
So it hurts.
It hurts that while you complimented him, he kept going on about how Seolhyun was the greatest addition to the team again like a broken record. Sure she was captivating on stage but you didn’t need to hear it 24/7. And as Seonghwa rewatched the footage again, you couldn’t help but notice how literal hearts formed in his eyes. It was like he was entranced, drunk on a love spell or something. And it was pathetic.
But then again, you were also pathetic. By now, you’ve come to terms with it. Seonghwa would never like you back. You just wished your feelings for him would go away already.
-
Wooyoung [ 2:44 pm ]: so what are you doing for your bday?
You smiled down at your phone. Wooyoung finally responded to your text after an hour. You guys picked up where you left off again which was the topic of your birthday. It had only been a week of texting back and forth so it was way too soon to tell him that it was your birthday. You didn't intend on telling him but then Yunho opened his big mouth so here you were.
You [ 2:45 pm ]: I have a lab at 6, then I’m going to take a nap lol
Wooyoung [ 2:45 pm ]: that’s so boring thooo
You [ 2:45 pm ]: it’s just another day, nothing special lol
And it truly was just another day. You were just going to turn a year older, there was no point in trying to celebrate although you had a feeling your roommate would probably try to pull something.
Wooyoung [ 2:45 pm ]: it’s your birthday, the day you came out into this world, it should be celebrated
You [ 2:45 pm ]: I guess
“You’re texting him now?” Seonghwa grimaced, his distaste for Wooyoung as clear as ever. You truly didn't get what was such a big deal because he knew you and him were talking. He had been acting like this for the past week now and it got annoying real quick. 
“Yes,” you replied, raising a brow at Seonghwa. “Is there a problem with that? I like him.”
“No. But it’s just you’ve only known him for a week."
“So? You barely knew Seolhyun and you’re obsessed with her.”
“I'm not obsessed. And that’s different.” He pursed his lips. You begged to differ with how he managed to make every conversation about her, but you didn’t call him out on it, not wanting to look jealous.
“Do tell, because I don’t see how it is.” 
“It just is. He’s a guy and you know how guys are. Not everyone is going to be like me or Yunho.” There Seonghwa went again being overprotective for no reason and you rolled your eyes.
“Hey man, trust Wooyoung has good intentions,” Yunho interjected and you agreed with him. Sure, a week of texting wasn't enough to say for sure, but you just had a feeling in your gut that Wooyoung was a genuinely good guy. And your intuition? Although wrong half the time, had its accurate moments too.
“Since you want to talk about Wooyoung, let’s talk about Seolhyun too," you challenged with a beaming smile, "You know how girls are like her are, what about her makes her any different?”
Seonghwa furrowed his brows and that was when you knew you got him right where you wanted him. Provoking him was fun, especially with how many jabs he took at Wooyoung these days. “What do you mean girls like her? What are you implying?”
“I don’t know, what am I implying?” You honestly didn’t know either but if he was going to act like a child, you were too.
“Guys, let's not fight,” Mingi butted in, attempting to ease the tension. You only narrowed your eyes at him. 
“This isn’t a fight. I’m just simply asking him a question,” you sighed.
Seonghwa rolled his eyes. “Whatever, this is stupid. Let’s just drop it.”
You scoffed.
Of course he would brush this off. And to think, he used to be the type to actually want to talk about his feelings. You never thought the Seonghwa you knew would change so much. You thought you guys were close but you guessed not. He didn’t even tell you about Seolhyun the other day, considering how you had to hear about it from Yunho who half hid the truth from you.
So really, you shouldn’t be that surprised.
All your friends sucked at this point. 
-
Or maybe your friends didn't entirely suck. 
The moment you opened the door to your apartment and turned on the lights, your friends all jumped up and yelled “Surprise!” followed by a “Happy Birthday!”
You had just gotten back from your lab and you were going to take a nap but you supposed you could skip it for moments like these. You were so happy seeing all the people you were close with but then your eyes landed on a certain someone and your smile faltered.
Seolhyun was next to Seonghwa and you hated how picture perfect they looked together.
She was wearing a pretty pink dress too, one that made her look like a princess. It was your birthday yet it looked like it was her birthday instead with how she out-dressed everyone. Her makeup looked good too and it only made you more aware of how you looked right now. You didn’t need a mirror to know that you probably looked like a mess. You were sure there were probably still marks on your face from the goggles you had to wear during the lab. And you probably looked dead inside from the busy day you had. You then glanced down at your outfit and yikes. You wished NingNing would've at least given you a heads up about this party because the leggings and t-shirt you were wearing right now was embarrassing. 
You mentally slapped yourself.
You let your friends sing and congratulate you before you went to change into a more appropriate outfit. You then found NingNing in the kitchen and pulled her over to a more quiet area of the apartment. She was always known for throwing a party every time there was an occasion and inviting a lot of people. And as much as you loved and appreciated her for all the complaints you received from your neighbors, she also knew about Seolhyun so just why did she invite her? You asked her, and she frowned apologetically.
“I’m sorry, Seonghwa brought her and I couldn’t just say no. She’s on the dance team too and it would’ve been rude if we didn’t invite her since most of your friends are on the team. It’s not so bad if you think about it. I actually talked to her earlier too and she’s really nice, you should give her a chance.” She tried to get you to cheer up too as she clung onto your arm but it didn’t work.
“You sound like Seonghwa,” you droned and she grimaced. You were going to need a beer. 
-
“Are you having fun?” The voice of Mingi took you by surprise. He stood beside you with his own beer, solemnly looking around the party filled with mostly friends and a couple people you didn’t know. 
“Not really," you sighed as you leaned against the counter.
“It’s because of Seonghwa isn’t it?” 
You choked a little as your eyes widened. You straightened your back then turned to him, nudging his elbow. “What?”
Mingi grinned. “You’re not good at hiding your feelings as you think but don’t worry, I’ll keep it on the low.”
You raised a brow, having a slight suspicion your roommate liked to tell her boyfriend/ not-boyfriend your secrets. "Did NingNing say something?"
"Nah.” He smiled dubiously before taking a sip of his beer. You truly hated how men were sometimes with their short and clipped responses. You were going to ask him to elaborate when he spoke again. “Wooyoung’s not the guy Seonghwa painted him out to be earlier in the library by the way. I think he’s just confused right now. Has a lot on his mind.”
“I know but what do you think he’s even confused about?”
Mingi shrugged. “Things. He’s just oblivious sometimes.”
You understood and replied to that by taking a sip of your drink.
Mingi didn't linger around much longer before NingNing called him over. You sighed as you watched him walk away before scanning the room. You only wanted to look for someone to talk to when you made the grave mistake of making eye contact with Seonghwa. Before you knew it, he was gesturing for you to walk over to where he was near the hallway.
You heard Seonghwa call your name and you just froze. You couldn’t even act like you didn't hear because you’ve already locked eyes. You didn’t move but within a few seconds, he walked over anyway. “Meet Seolhyun,” he introduced, and you tried to smile. “She’s the one I was telling you about on the dance team.”
“Hi.” You hoped your lazy smile masks your lack of interest.
“Hey girl,” she beamed, going in for a hug, almost spilling your beer. She was also holding a beer too but she handled it better. You had to awkwardly put your arms to the side, trying to hold your beer at a distance. “Happy birthday! Seonghwa has told me a lot about you. You’re a biology major right? How’s that going for you?”
“Good.” You could’ve asked her about her major too but you honestly couldn’t care less.
“So did you go to our performance yesterday? We performed a medley of Hip Hop songs and Seonghwa over here was amazing,” she glanced over at him and they smiled at each other. You genuinely wanted to puke right there on her pretty sparkly heels.
"I was busy," you said but you doubt she even heard you with how much she loved to talk, going on about the performance with Seonghwa. You admired the way Seonghwa looked at her. It was the same way you looked at him if he ever cared to notice. It wasn't until Seonghwa patted your shoulder that you realized you weren't even paying attention to a single thing they said.
“I’m gonna get myself a beer, I’ll be right back,” Seonghwa announced before walking away, and right as he did, Seolhyun dropped the act.
“You like Seonghwa don’t you?” She folded her arms and sized you up. If only her fake lashes weren't lifting up from the corner of her eyes. Maybe then, you would've been more intimidated. Instead, you raised a brow and remained composed.
“What?”
“Oh cut the bullshit, I know you like him.”
“We’re just friends,” you tried to say calmly but she was less than pleased with your response.
“He talks a lot about you. You know, at first I thought he liked you but then I realized that it was just you who liked him. I know you guys are friends and all but if you know what's good for him, you'd back off and keep your distance.”
“Can you chill? I don’t know what you’re talking about. And we’re just friends so you can have him.” And you meant that. Although you liked him, you would never try to ruin his thing with Seolhyun after you knew how much he liked her.
“Fine then.” She straightened her posture then flashed a beaming smile. “Nice necklace by the way,” she complimented, eyeing the silver heart necklace that fell in between the clavicle bones on your chest. She then scanned the room. "Can you hold my beer for a second? I just need to fix this clip in my hair. Please?" She asked nicely with a pout, holding out her drink.
Against your better judgment, you said "sure" and tried to grab her drink only for her to drop it, causing the bottle to shatter into pieces as it landed on the floor. The liquid spilled all over her heels while it splashed onto yours. You winced at the noise while she stumbled back. It wasn't like the music in your apartment was loud either, so everyone heard the noise and her dramatic yelp.
All the attention was on you and Seolhyun now.
"Are you okay?" you asked, but the second you noticed her expression change, you realized what she was doing and regretted ever trying to be civil with her. A tear now trailed down her cheek and she looked as if she was about to cry.
“Look, I know it’s your birthday and all but you don’t have to be so mean. I only wanted to try on your necklace, you could’ve just said no instead of knocking the beer out of my hands." She covered her face with her hands and before you knew it, she was full-on sobbing. Seonghwa immediately ran to her.
“I swear I didn’t do that. She did it herself.” You tried to defend yourself but you knew it was a lost cause the moment you met Seonghwa's eyes. He looked at you with disgust as he pulled her into his arms. You rolled your eyes at how Seonghwa was buying this whole act.
“And why would she do that? What’s up with you lately? You’ve been so snappy these days. And now you go and do this?” Seonghwa raised his voice as he held her in his arms. All you could do was look blankly at him. He has never raised his voice at you before. You didn’t let the fact that he called you snappy in front of everyone deter you from defending yourself either.
“Nothing’s been up with me,” You said calmly. "This is just a huge misunderstanding. I really didn't do that."
“You should apologize," Seonghwa said sternly and once again, you were annoyed with him for always telling you what to do. You couldn’t believe how he was actually taking her side when he didn’t even know the full story or bothered to ask.
Regardless, you stood your ground. “I’m not apologizing for something I didn’t do. You’re really going to believe her over me?”
“Well I definitely don’t believe she would drop the beer all over her new shoes.”
Seolhyun looked back at you with 'fear' in her eyes and you had to laugh. This was your apartment, why were you even putting up with this? You were going to kick her out when the front door abruptly opened and Wooyoung walked in. You didn't expect him to come but you supposed Yunho had something to do with it.
A part of you was glad he came but now? Right in the middle of this stupid argument? You made eye contact with Wooyoung and he smiled softly at you. You tried to mirror his smile but yours turned out weak due to Seonghwa's accusations dampening your mood.
"Happy birthday, sorry I'm late, the traffic was bad and then I saw a stand with flowers and I wanted to get you a bouquet. Yunho said you liked roses right? I hope it's not too soon." Wooyoung rambled as he placed the gift bag and roses on the coffee table. He then glanced around the room and noticed that everyone was quiet and staring at him like he was a ghost. The only noise was from the faint music at this point and it didn't take long for him to realize that something was wrong.
Rage filled your blood as you met Seolhyun’s eyes again but you remained collected. You couldn’t believe Seonghwa was actually defending her and raising his voice at you in front of everyone at your birthday party. The Seonghwa you used to know wouldn't do this. And you weren't about to argue with him anymore. You placed your own beer on the counter before spitting one last thing, “You know what? I don’t care anymore. Believe her all you want but that's not what happened. The both of you just need to leave.”
You didn't bother to spare them another glance before storming off to your room and slamming the door.
You weren’t going to cry but you were definitely pissed at the whole situation being so unfair. You paced back and forth in your own room, not knowing where to go from here. How long would you even stay in your room before going outside again? It was going to be awkward with how everyone witnessed Seonghwa raising his voice at you and taking the new girl’s side.
It wouldn’t even be a full minute before you heard the door open and you slapped your head for forgetting to lock it. "I told you to leave," you exclaimed, expecting Seonghwa but to your surprise, it was Wooyoung and your tone softened. "Sorry, I thought you were someone else.”
"It's okay," he stuck his head in with a soft smile. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah, sure."
Wooyoung stepped in with the bouquet of roses. "Like I said earlier, I hope it’s not too soon but happy birthday.” He handed the bouquet to you and watched as you placed it onto your desk. After what just happened, Wooyoung really was like a breath of fresh air. He managed to ease your nerves while making your heart touched as well. "I heard what happened before I came too and I just wanted you to know that I believe you'd never do that to her without a good reason.”
Great, so did everyone believe you actually knocked the bottle out of her hands now?
"Thanks, but I really didn’t do it," you sighed, sitting on the edge of your bed, encouraging him to do the same. "I just wish my friend would believe me." You glanced down at your lap and picked at your cuticles. A part of you wished NingNing never planned this surprise party in the first place. Maybe then you’d still have your dignity and Seonghwa wouldn’t have humiliated you in front of everyone.
“I believe you.” The sound of Wooyoung’s soft voice made you glance over at him. He smiled genuinely and placed a hand over yours to stop your fidgeting.
“Thank you.” Your mouth went dry and you cleared your throat, avoiding his gaze. You didn't even have to look at him to know he was smirking.
"I like your room, by the way," he began, eyes taking in your walls full of posters and random pictures. You glanced around your room and it was a mess with all the decorations and stuff you hoarded. You couldn't help but think back to Seonghwa who always nagged at you to clean your room. It was definitely not a pretty room at all but you thanked Wooyoung anyway.
"Something catch your eye?" you asked, noticing how he was fixating on your shelves full of mostly romance books. You loved to read stories where people fell in love and got their happy ending. Because despite being cynical, you’ve always believed in true love and yearned for that through your collection of books.
"Do you read a lot?" He made his way towards the shelf and pulled out one of your dark romance books, flipping through it. Out of all the young adult and thriller books you had, why did he have to pick the one with the most explicit content?
"I try." You nervously chewed on the inside of your cheek. "But don't be impressed or anything. It's just romance stories, some thriller here and there, nothing educational." You let him do whatever until his eyes began to scan a page and he smirked, raising his eyebrows at you. That was when you snatched the book from him, realizing that out of all the pages he could've flipped to, he managed to land on a scene where the two main characters were being intimate.
"These books seem very educational to me. They’re fun," he teased. "Is this the type of stuff you're into?" He could not stop grinning as he stared at you. For the nth time that night, you were embarrassed, feeling heat rush up to your cheeks. You chose not to respond as you slipped the book back to its spot on the shelf. “Oh come on, I was joking,” he exhaled, “Are you mad?”
“I know. And I’m not.” You avoided his eyes.
Wooyoung chuckled before pushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “You're cute when you're shy, you know that? And since I haven’t told you yet, you look absolutely beautiful today.” He then cupped your cheek, forcing you to meet his eyes. “Should we go outside again? I bet your friends miss you. You are the main event after all. Birthday girl.” His breath hits your skin and your swallow was thick. A smirk tugged at his lips before his hand fell back to his side and he stepped back, leaving you absolutely flustered.
After a few seconds you finally managed to think again. You took a deep breath before leaning against your bookshelf. "I know I can't hide in my room all night but it was just so embarrassing how my friend took her side when he didn't even bother to ask me what happened. Does everyone really think I’d be that petty to knock a beer out of her hands? It’s my apartment after all and I’d be the one that’ll have to mop up the stickiness later.” You rambled, hoping Wooyoung would at least take your side.
“They’re your friends aren’t they? I'm sure they'll understand if you explain the situation.”
“It's still embarrassing,” you groaned.
Wooyoung reached for your hands, pulling you closer towards him. His breath fanned over you as he softly asked, “Do you trust me?”
“I barely know you.”
“Then get to know me." His eyes flickered between your lips and eyes as he wets his own lips. You were almost sure he was going to kiss you as he stared at you. But he didn’t. The only thing you felt was the squeeze he gave your hand. “What do you say?” he mumbled.
“Yeah, I’d like that.” Your voice was barely above a whisper as you smiled back at him.
Wooyoung then reached for the door knob when it abruptly swung open, causing you to jump, your free hand flying to your chest to calm your beating heart. Wooyoung was calm amidst it all and let out a small chuckle at how easily frightened you got. 
Upon seeing who it was, you grimaced. Never have you actually been more annoyed to see Seonghwa. "Shouldn't you be with your girlfriend right now?" you asked, bitterness laced in your tone.
“We need to talk," he insisted, ignoring your question. His eyes drifted to your hands that were currently intertwined with Wooyoung's and he cleared his throat. Avoiding Wooyoung's presence, he only looked up at you. “We weren’t done talking earlier.”
“What's there to talk about?" you genuinely asked as you let go of Wooyoung's hand. "You won’t believe anything I say anyway so why don’t you just leave?”
“Can we talk alone?” Seonghwa was unyielding, glaring at Wooyoung now who heaved a sigh. You could tell Wooyoung was the type to bark back but for some reason, he held off.
Wooyoung took the hint and smiled at you before leaning towards your ear. “I’ll be waiting outside when you’re done.” And something about his low voice gave you butterflies.
When he left, Seonghwa turned back to you with the look of an overprotective father who caught a boy sneaking into his daughter’s room. “So what? You and him made out?”
“None of your business." You crossed your arms against your chest. “Just say what you want to say and leave.”
“Fine. You should apologize to Seolhyun, you made her cry.”
You scoffed, as if it was your fault.
At this point, you didn’t even care to be affable anymore. Not when he was acting like he was the boss of you. “Is your hearing okay? I meant it the first time, I’m not apologizing for something I didn’t do so you’re wasting your time with us ‘talking’ because I can assure you, this conversation will go nowhere.”
“Why do you always have to be so stubborn? You know I like Seolhyun so just why can’t you try to be nice and get along with her? You used to be so supportive for me, what happened to you? She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
“I still am supportive for you." Your brows pulled together. "I really didn’t spill her drink though. She did it herself.”
“You need to stop lying.”
“I'm not lying." You were raising your voice at a wall at this point. "Just why can't you believe me? You didn't even bother to ask for my side of the story before running to her. You've known me for over two years now while you barely know her yet you just trust everything she says? How do you think that makes me feel?"
“Not everything is about you.” He exhaled. “Look, I wasn’t going to say anything, but you’ve been different the past week. You’ve never been like this before.” He rubbed his temple, seemingly in a train of thought. “It's because of that Wooyoung guy isn't it? I knew it was only a matter of time before he’d rub off on you.”
“What does he have to do with this? I’ve only known him for a week so he hasn’t rubbed shit on me. And for the last time, I didn't spill her drink. We were just talking about you, she said she liked my necklace, and then she just dropped the beer herself.” Your blood was boiling with how he wouldn't even listen to a word you said. It was like Seolhyun had him wrapped around her little finger.
“That's not what she told me." He crossed his arms against his chest and pursed his lips.
“Well it's the truth." You clenched your jaw. You were all worked up now, and before you could even filter your thoughts, you just spoke your mind. "She’s a liar Seonghwa, just when will you realize it? But then again she's pretty so of course you'd do anything to get in her pants even if you know I'm right.”
“So that's why you've been acting like this?" He lets out a small laugh, tilting his head back as he poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue. "You're jealous that she's pretty? Is that why you knocked the drink out of her hands? That's real low Y/N, even for you."
"Trust me,” you fumed. “I am not jealous of her." It was a lie, but you weren't about to lose the argument now.
"Doesn’t seem like it to me.” He lets out a deep sigh. “I'm really trying here but you just keep lying. All we do is bicker these days Y/N. What happened to us?"
"I could ask the same."
Seonghwa nodded before snapping. “You know what? You were right, this conversation is useless. Let's just end it here because it clearly isn't going anywhere. I don't know what happened to make you like this recently but jealousy and this new attitude of yours isn’t a good look on you.” He looked you dead in the eyes one last time to say, “Happy fucking birthday,” before slamming the door in your face. Seonghwa rarely cursed, so when he did, that was when you knew that he was really mad. Although you said some mean things too, it was only because he was being unfair. You felt so betrayed. 
So much for your special day, you thought. And you didn't even need to confess your feelings to him for the memories of him to taint your birthday.
You never thought loving someone could hurt so much. Tears filled your vision as you stumbled to the edge of your bed. You felt like your world just collapsed because for the past two years, Seonghwa was the constant in your life, the one you went to for advice, the one you leaned on.
And now he was someone else’s.
-
[ Series Masterlist | ⇨ Part 3 ]
Taglist- @thunderous-wolf @kookley77-blog @huachengsbestie01 @tinyteezer @vnessalau @potatos-on-clouds @minghaoslatina @dmnspiit @wallaiea @vampzity @yunhogrippers @cookiesandgravy @stfu-rina
A/N- Sorry for taking forever to update if anyone is even reading this lol. Also peep the NCT quote if anyone caught it hehe. Anyway, take care everyone and remember to drink lots of water, love you all <3
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No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.
Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon, manipulation, dejection, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: The reader attempts to move past her ruination, but is reminded of her tarnish conscience at every turn. (Regency AU, tall!reader)
Masterlist
Character: Steve Rogers, Thor Odinson
Note: thanks to those who waited on this one!.
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)
Love you like I love coffee and that’s a lot and probably unhealthy. Take care. 💖
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It should be the happiest time in your life. You should be elated, and yet, as ever it is, every victory precedes a treacherous defeat. A proposal one day, and despair the next. That nipping of doom in your gut, that ever present doubt, is made certain by the passage of time. It has been much too long. 
You sit in the pews, throat tight as you keep your chin locked. You breathe slowly, as if too sudden an intake might unleash the tempest brewing inside of you. It is more than nerves, you know it, that sicken you so. You should be happy for your pending nuptials but you are only horrified at the thought. 
The bishop reads out the banns before the rows; the first for yourself, the third for your sister. She will be permitted to wed and your mother has presided over much of planning already. You dip your head as your name rings out beside Lord Odinson’s and you swallow back a swell of bile. You’ve been gulping down your own stomach for much of the morning, ever since you caught a whiff of pickled shallots in passing the kitchens. 
You push your head up and your hand down to your lap, knowing you will be observed. You must at least look certain of your fate. You must sit proud for the engagement all would put into question. For the time until it shall all dissolve, you must play your part. 
You can barely keep from wilting where you are. A prudent woman might bite her tongue. She may commit to the theatre of it all. She might lie and get away with the folly. You glance over at Lord Odinson, just across the aisle, and you know you cannot. It isn’t one lie, it’s a lifetimes’ worth of betrayal. 
Yet how should you tell it? It isn’t only him who must know. Your father would need good reason why you’d rather the convent to a proper marriage. You will be ruined but you could not put that stain upon the only person who was ever kind to you. Lord Odinson deserves an honest wife and a child of his own. 
Your insides sour and you nearly spasm as you fight the tide of nausea, brought upon by more than your forsaken condition. Your eyes trail away from your betrothed to another man bound in promise. Lord Rogers sits with your sister, as ever, and she leans on him shamelessly, even beneath the Lord’s rafters. 
She would deny it. She would laugh in your face should you ever reveal the absolute truth. No, you must confess the sin as your own and that alone. You will not name the culprit for they would they never believe you and he would never admit it himself. 
Yet, you know that the Duke Rogers will ever be triumphant in knowing that he has brought the monstrous giant to her knees. You are his Goliath, the vile retched creature he has slain in his valour. He will be hero and you be the villain. 
💟
You hand the letter to the carrier just before noon. You don’t expect an audience to be granted until the next morning at earliest. Lord Odinson is a busy man; an ambassador in much demand between the house and society. Even his betrothed must request his presence. 
The cart rattles through the gates and you watch it fade off into the grim horizon. The winter bites in the air, adding to the chill in your bones. That coldness that freeze over your heart. You must be strong now, as strong as the valkyrie he misnamed you as. 
When you go to Lord Odinson, you will bring the crown to him. You will hand it back and admit your tainted stature to him. You will show him how truly small you are.  
At least, that is what you intend. You may prove yourself weak as ever. However it should unfold, this engagement cannot persist. 
“A day! A day and I shall call you husband,” Cora’s shrill tone greets you as you come through the front doors. She is in the sitting room with Lord Rogers. Your mother continues to fawn over the last-minute details for their wedding. “Isn’t it very exciting, my lord?” 
“And I shall call you wife.” 
“And Duchess,” she preens with a trilling laugh, “oh, how elaborate I shall be.” 
“My Athena,” Rogers drones back, “my goddess, my beloved.” 
“Oh, how darling,” your mother preens over them, “it shall be resplendent. I’ve made certain the cake will be exactly as you like it, dearie. The cook has even procured some citrus for the lemonade.” 
The mention of lemonade makes you shrivel. You recall the sunny day when Lord Rogers spoke to you over a weeping beverage. As you fell for that virulent charm. And all that came after. 
You peer at the grim windows and frown. How everything does change so quickly. Happiness is fleeting and yet disappointment comes as a chronic plight. You will never know a day without shame. 
You flit off without notice. Your heart rents at the thought that you will not have the same fervour. You will not sit and plan your own wedding with Lord Odinson. All your fanciful dreams have evaporated. It is one thing to put a mask on, to pretend as virgin, but you could never foist a bastard upon the kind man who has shown you a taste happiness. You will be certain to thank him for all he’s done but you will not spit in his face. 
As you get to the bedroom doors, your stomach churns violently and you burst through, not stopping as you rush to the pot and fall to your knees. You wretch into it as your body contracts painfully. You empty your stomach until you are panting and hollow. 
“Sister,” Alina startles you as she rolls to the edge of the bed, a novel in hand, “is it a winter ague?” 
“I...” you shakily wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, “I believe so.” 
That lie alone singes your tongue like a brand. Your eyes well with tears and you flick them away with your lashes. You sit back on your heels and heave out a pungent breath. 
“Oh, how awful, and just before the wedding,” she sits up and shuts the novel. “Let us pray it passes quickly. You needn’t delay your own nuptials.” 
“Mm, no, that wouldn’t be...” you let the sentence tail off and you stand, taking the pot with you, “I’ll dump it before it can stink.” 
“If you are unwell, call for the maid.” 
“No, it is fine,” you insist, “I didn’t mean to disturb your reading.” 
“You didn’t,” she insists. “What’s the matter, sissie? You hardly seem a lady about to marry.” 
“I...” you croak, “it is the ague, that’s all.” 
“Mm, perhaps Lord Odinson might offer some comfort should it get any worse. He does seem the character,” she offers. 
“Or perhaps he is better to stay away. You as well, should it pass onto anyone else,” you hold the pot to your stomach and turn, carrying it out without another word. Albina huffs and falls back onto the bed, the flutter of pages following shortly after. 
You descend and keep along the wall, passing through the kitchens and beyond the servants’ quarters to the rear of the manse. You come out into the crisp air and overturn the pot well away from the house. A wave of dizziness washes over you, silver spots dotting your vision. Perhaps it is an ague. Oh how you wish it were. 
You set the pot down as you grasp at some stability. You stand and wipe your clammy forehead. Your hand drifts down to your bodice and you let it venture further. You try to feel your stomach through the layers. It is tauter than it once was but no rounder. Not as yet. 
You sit on a low stump, the seat the stabler uses to shoe the horses. You let the frigid air seep through your dress and stare at the grey clouds that blot out the sun. You hold your chin, elbows on your legs, hunched over as you let the stagnancy of that moment swallow you. 
For a moment, you believe that you can make time stand still. That you might stretch on this fantasy a little longer. That a single second might be spent into an eternity. You shake your head and close your eyes as your cheeks tingle with the cold. 
You try to picture the convent. You imagine dark halls and darker mornings. Prayers and repentance filling the days and keeping wakeless the nights. Would the nuns even accept a ruined soul like yours? 
“Miss,” Mary, the broom girl, stands along the path back to the house, “you have a caller.” 
You sit up and blink, a caller? How long have you been there? You shiver and rise, towering over the young servant like the mottled forest creature of wives tales. You nod and stride past her, rubbing your arms to warm yourself as you return to the house. 
It cannot be him. Not already. You’re not prepared. It has been all you can think of and yet you are wholly unready for it. 
You carry on inside and come into the main hall. Lord Odinson waits, your mother chittering at his elbow as Lord Rogers and Cora stand in the archway to the west wing. 
“You will be at the wedding tomorrow? We did not receive your response sir,” your mother pleads as she tugs his sleeve. 
“Ah, yes, did I not give it?” Odinson says coolly, “certainly I will come with some Asgardian ale to christen the blissful newlyweds.” 
“And we thank you for such generosity,” Cora coos. 
“I’m certain refreshments will be plenty,” Lord Rogers deflects. 
“Ah,” Lord Odinson’s attention is drawn by your emergence from behind the staircase, “my valkyrie, you called for me and I am here.” 
“I... you have come so... swiftly,” you remark, your voice teetering. 
“Of course,” he assures as he crosses the polished floor, “as ever I will for my beloved.” He approaches and takes your hands in his, kissing your knuckles, “you are like ice,” he feels your hands and covers them with his gloved ones, “are you ill?” 
“No, uh, yes, no,” you stammer, “sir, I only meant... I only thought to speak with you.” 
“I do cherish the tenor of your sweet voice, lady, I would ride so fast as I might to hear it,” he assures. 
“You rode... all this way, my lord?” 
“I do prefer to be in a saddle,” he affirms, “so, shall we converse? Perhaps we might have some tea to warm you, my valkyrie.” 
“Please,” you cringe, wishing he would quit his honeyed words, “I do not require it. Perhaps somewhere private...” 
“With chaperone of course,” your mother insists. You blanch but do your best not to show your unease. “Pollo! Pollo!” She claps, “forgive me I will not be able to do so myself as I have much to attend to for the morrow, but we have a groom here... Pollo!” 
She cries out and the dark-haired man appears. The old groom has a round belly and wine-reddened cheeks. He doesn’t speak more than Italian but he is steadfast in his service. Your mother bids him, pointing at you, then shoos him with a flick of her fingers. 
He shrugs and bows his head, nearing you and the duke. You peer over at your sister and Lord Rogers as they watch. The former stares at your betrothed as he clings still to your hands and the latter narrows his eyes in your direction. Just the sight of him makes you even more sick than before. Of any, he cannot know though you expect should Cora find out, it will not be a secret. 
“The sun room, perhaps,” Odinson suggests. 
“As you wish,” you agree. 
He offers his arms and you accept it. He guides you along, well-acquainted to the halls already, and takes you around to the sun room. The curtains are closed and the space is dim with the shadow of winter. The groom claims the armchair in the corner, making it groan with his weight, as another servant follows to light a lamp and put flint to the fireplace. 
When all is lit, you detach from Odinson and retreat from him. You mash your hands together and sway, spinning back to face him as he watches you intently. He seems unbothered by the spontaneity of it all. 
“You missed me? I have longed to see you again,” he beams. 
“Please,” you show your palms, “please, I... we must speak.” 
“Of? Name anything and it shall be yours. As my wife, you will never want for anything, valkyrie.” 
You wince as if struck. You drop your arms and your head. You stalk over to the bench that looks toward the window and sit, slumped forward as you shake your head. He approaches as he lets out a long exhale. He sits beside you. 
“Something is amiss. Forgive me for making light, I came upon mistaken sentiment,” his voice is grave, “you have something to say and I must listen. As ever, I am the storm but these winds have calmed.” 
You rock and another hot tinge settles behind your eyes. You roll them up and sit straight. You crane to see over your shoulder. Rollo’s eyes are closed as he’s halfway to sleeping. It is propriety alone that has him sat in that chair. 
You look ahead once more, “I cannot marry you.” 
He sucks in air and snorts, “what?” 
“I cannot—it cannot—I'm sorry, Lord Odinson.” 
“Why ever should you change your mind? The banns are read and will be again,” he touches your arm and you shy away. 
“You deserve... better.” 
“I deserve you,” he insists. 
“Please, sir, let me find the words,” you beg touch your temples as you try to rein in your wits. You close your eyes and shudder. 
“You are cold still, perhaps you might move closer to the fire--” 
“It hardly matters,” you lower your hands and clutch them tight.  
You make yourself look at him. You must. He warrants at least the truth told to his face and not the floor. His blue eyes twinkle as his usually bright face is stern. 
“I am...” you take a breath and struggle to let it back out as the words burn the tip of your tongue, “I... am with... child.” 
You choke out the last word and nearly faint. You stare at him, waiting for him to explode. You mightn’t even have a say in who knows should he speak too loudly. His eyes search yours and he blinks. He turns his face down and looks at his lap, gripping his thighs as he nods and hums. 
“That’s wonderful,” he says. 
“Pardon?” 
“Yes, it’s wonderful. We’ll have a child.” 
“Sir, I—we haven’t... it is another man’s,” you feel as if you shouldn’t have to explain this. 
“Why certainly he put it there, yes, but I would claim it,” he faces you again. 
Your eyes round, “why should you do that? That isn’t... proper. I am not proper, sir. I am telling you that I have been... corrupted. I should never have said yes.” 
“But you did.” 
“You needn’t-- it isn’t fair.” 
“Perhaps it isn’t fair that you should have to carry the cad’s seed,” he agrees, “for any many who would lay with a lady and not seek her hand, well, he can be nothing else.” 
You’re quiet as disbelief clouds around you. He can’t possibly mean it. He must be in shock. Certainly, he wouldn’t just accept another’s child. 
“Sir, you shouldn’t-- you shouldn’t do this. I am releasing you.” 
“I don’t want to be released,” he says sullenly. 
“Why? Why would you do this?” You ask. 
“I meant all I said to you, from the first breath, my valkyrie,” he proclaims. “And I mean it still.” 
“But, sir, you cannot—I cannot live with myself--” 
“You are honourable. Honest. You have told me this when you did not need to. When you could’ve claimed an early birth, when you could have kept quiet, yet you did not. That says more than a fleeting tryst. For that’s what it was, yes? Or do you lay with this man still?” 
You shake your head and look down at your fingers as you twists them until they hurt, “just once. Only once. It was... unplanned. It wasn’t...” your voice cracks. 
His chest inflates with a sonorous breath, “did you want it?” 
“Pardon?” You murmur. 
“Unplanned... did you... was it... your tryst, was it willing?” 
You put your fist to your mouth and sob. You can’t say it. You won’t. You replay it in your head every night and you think of how you told him to stop and yet you did not stop him. You should have fought more. You should have screamed. 
“I didn’t make him stop,” you eke around your hand. 
“Make him? Did you ask him to begin?” 
“Please, sir, I cannot—please just end this and I will ask my father for the convent once more. I cannot bring this shame on you.” 
“Shame? Shame is the man, if I should call him that, who has done this,” he snarls and reaches for you, taking your hand. “I swore you would be my wife and I will hold to that. As you swore to be my wife. We will see the altar together. As one.” 
“You do not have to--” 
“I want to,” he growls and you look up at his angry face. You’ve never seen such fury in him. “I have never done anything but by my own whim and will not change that now.” 
“You are too nice, sir. Too nice, I cannot ask it--” 
“Who?” He sneers. 
“Sir?” 
“Who has done this to you?” 
“I cannot--” 
“I should know.” 
“No, please, I wouldn’t-- it would be my ruin--” 
“No, it would be his and you protect him still, so tell me.” 
“No, no I will not. That I cannot tell you, sir. To say it would defeat me completely.” 
He sighs into a snarls and lowers his chin. He sounds like a simmering bull, readying for the charge. You tug on your hand but he will not release you. You relent and let him cling to you. 
Silence, suffocating and still.  
“My brother was an orphan. We took him in when he was young. He is a duke, same as me, now,” he declares as he squares his posture. “You wouldn’t know the difference. And I won’t. Not between this child and our next.” 
“Sir, surely--” 
“We are to have a child,” he says, “that is happy news and I thank you for bringing me here to hear it.” He pets your hand and leans his arm against yours. He brings your fingers up to your mouth and kisses them, “one day, I will know who the culprit is and on that, I will surely split his skull. Not for his bastard, for that child has no sin, but for your honour, lady. For my wife’s honour.” 
💟
Cora’s wedding to Lord Rogers culminates in a grand luncheon. The bride is a beautiful mist of tears as she accepts the well wishes of her guests. She basks in the attention as you gladly languish in the shadows. 
Despite Lord Odinson’s unexpected and reassuring reaction, you’re still uncertain. You don’t know if he’s keeping a good face on until he knows how to act, perhaps renegs his grace, or if you might come to pay for your discretion later in your union. You’re prepared to meet your atonement, however it comes. 
As you sit for the meal, the chair beside you is claimed almost at once. Your betrothed has appeared throughout the event but you’ve hardly been at his side. Each time you see him, his eyes skim the crowd as if he can see right through every one of them. Yet, when he looks at you, you feel only warmth. You don’t understand how he can look at you as such. 
“How do you fare, today, my valkyrie?” He asks as he straightens his cravat, “you look well.” 
“Good, I think.” 
“Glad to hear it,” he raises his glass for a servant to fill it with sherry. You opt for lemon water, as much as your tumultuous stomach can handle. 
“I thought we might have our own reception at Nine Pillars,” he suggests. 
“I would like that,” you agree, your eyes drifting beyond him, to your father’s gardens, where... “whatever you may offer, I will be grateful for.” 
“Mighty valkyrie, full of grace,” he praises and reaches for a platter, “ooh, they have some sweet ham here with pineapple.” 
He takes a helping and puts it on your plate. You smell the tangy fruit and the underline savoury waft of the meat. You lurch and grasp the edge of the table. You give a panicked look to Odinson as he peers down at the food. He switches your plates out swiftly. 
“Tell me, what are you in the mind for then?” He leans in so his arm touches yours as you sip from the lemon water to quell your stomach. “Valkyrie, give me your command and I will obey.” 
You give him a coy grin, “you can be so silly.” 
“Silly. Mad. All for love,” he assures you.  
“Is their anything dry?” You ask, “bread, perhaps.” 
“Sourdough,” he reaches to take the basket as others help themselves to the spread. 
“I’ll have some of that.” 
“With marmalade?” He offers.  
“No,” your face pinches at the thought, “no, bread will do.” 
You blink and shake of another tide of sickness. As you do, your eyes meet another pair further down the table, amid the rabble of voices. Lord Rogers tilts his head as Cora tugs on his sleeve and giggles up at the couple behind them. He hardly seems to notice as he stares you down. 
You go rigid and quickly look away. You touch Odinson’s arm to keep from panicking. He looks at you, then down the table. He doesn’t say anything, merely carves off a chunk of bread for you. 
You pick away at the hard crust and the dry spongey inside. You take small bites, cautious of upsetting your volatile stomach. The afternoon wears on, course after course, and you avoid those dishes which threaten to overthrow your restraint. 
At last, the cake is serves, a tiered sponge with cream and fruit and candied sugar spun in a facsimile fountain atop it. It’s splended and beautiful. The couple are served first as they smiles in delight. The doling out of servings takes some time as guests wait patiently for their turn and the cake is pushed on a cart from chair to chair. 
When it comes your turn, your name rises over the crowd. You sit up and glance over, relieved at least not to watch the layers of custard and cake hit your plate. Lord Rogers has his hand on the back of his wife’s chair. 
“And how do you like the dessert? I believe you’ve been saving space for it all day, eh?” He chirps. 
You angle your head in confusion. You look down then at Odinson who sits a little taller as he leans forward. 
“You’ve hardly indulged, so I hope you might show your support and delight in this delectable dessert,” Rogers taunts. “A wedding is no place for a sour face.” 
Your lips part. You’re stunned. How could he be so bold as to call you out? Among all his guests and he must torment you. Was one night not enough. Your whole life as his violation thrives within your womb. Lord Odinson subtly touches your elbows. 
“I am most happy for you and my sister,” you rebuff, “and you are correct, I’ve been in much anticipation for dessert.” 
You take your fork and scoop up a heaping mouthful. You smile at it even as your insides rage. You make yourself taste it. It’s so sweet and smooth and wonderful, but your stomach mulches as if it is rubbish. Your cheeks tremble and you swallow, nearly gagging. 
“To you, sir, and my sister, Cora, I wish a happy marriage,” you force out as you hide your mouth behind a handkerchief. 
“To the happy couple,” Lord Odinson raises his glass and the table erupts, at once, the attention shifted back to them. 
You brace his arm and squeeze. You fight but you cannot withhold the uproar within. You stand and rush away, frantically searching for somewhere to hide and spew your guts. 
💟
The days overcome your doubts. The weeks come with more affectations; your sickness ebbs and flows and the temperature feels at times hotter then colder, swaying back forth, while some moments you spend with a throbbing head and pulsing feet. The most obvious symptom of your condition is the tightness of your stay. Soon, you will be showing more than you like, but for now, loosened laces can ease your discomfort. 
Your wedding day fast approaches. Time does seem to defy any human whim. You wish it would slow so you could catch your breath. Much like your husband-to-be who has yet to falter in his affections. 
You sit before the mirror with the grown of silver petals in your lap. There is one still bent from Cora’s envy but you will keep it to the back of your head. You will wear it as proudly as that night Lord Odinson gifted it to you. You hope for the day you might both forget all else. 
If it is to be. If he is at the altar waiting still. 
Albina and Hannah take the crown from you and secure it among your styled locks. Albina smiles at your reflection as Hannah jabs you with a pin. You nervously wring your hands as you admire the lavender shade of your gown. You wish you’d had more of it, that you hadn’t needed to trim it in ivory to make up for your height. Still, it is beautiful and the nicest dress you’ve ever worn. 
“Are you nervous?” Albina asks. 
“Suppose,” you admit and lift your chin, “very, truly.” Though not for the reason she might think. 
“Lord Odinson is kind. He should be gentle,” Hannah says. 
Your cheeks tinge at her suggestion, “sister.” 
“Well, it is what we are all thinking, isn’t it?” She shrugs. 
“I hope I do not find a husband so soon,” Albina adds, “I would like to enjoy my books a little longer.” 
“You might take on the spinster’s mantel then,” Hannah snipes. 
“It shouldn’t be so bad,” you murmur. “Every woman must do it. Eventually. It cannot be so horrible.” 
You lower your head again, trying to hide the emotion battling in your chest. It was bad, that first time. Lord Rogers hadn’t been kind at all. Would Lord Odinson be any different? For Rogers seemed kind at first glance only to be cruel upon touch. 
What if you husband did not want to meet his duty? What if he could not knowing you had lain with another? You would not blame him and without consummation, he might still turn you away. 
“Cora said it was more painful than anything she’s ever felt,” Hannah undercuts your dread. “Though she still loves her husband well.” 
“You shouldn’t speak of that,” you gird. 
“Why not? Won’t you tell us how it is so we may be ready?” She challenges. 
“I... I... It’s rather strange to speak of it.” 
“You are strange,” Hannah retorts with a huff. 
“But pretty,” Albina chimes, “look at you, sissie. You truly look like a queen in that crown.” 
You meet the gaze of your reflection. You do look better than you ever have before. You wonder if they notice the new fullness in your cheeks. If they do, they don’t mention it. You take a deep breath. 
“I shouldn’t keep them waiting any longer,” you stand.  
If you wait any longer, you might lose your nerve. 
The bishop waits in the grand hall of Nine Pillars as you emerge from the rooms allotted for your preparations. The crowd stands among the columns and hushes as you appear at the end of the hall. You face the clergy man and for an instant, your heart dangles precariously, ready to plummet.  
Where is Lord Odinson? 
His golden head pops up beside the bishop and he fixes the flower tucked into his lapel. His long blond hair is draw back as a scarlet bow holds it back, its ears peeking out behind his nape. He is smiling as he pauses and his eyes meet yours across the space. 
You can see even from there how his features slacken and for a moment, you are breathless. He looks as stricken. You put one foot down and let your long legs carry you. 
All your doubts float away. The faces around you haze together and the world crumbles to dust. It's only you and that man.  
💟
The ceremony gives way to a soiree, bodies clustered together, partners dancing, and you among them. Your husband, a husband, has your hand in his as he leads you in the steps. This man, this wonderful forgiving man you vowed yourself too nearly sweeps you off your feet, a sensation you've never known before. 
Your cheer blooms from you as his cheeks flush in his excess. He barely pauses to receive kind words from his guest. His elation is contagious. It gives no way to your fears. 
"Do you know what I thought upon the altar, beautiful valkyrie," he purrs, "I nearly fell upon my knees even." 
"What?" You smile, glowing up at him. 
"That the gods did bless me. That you must be sent from them, a gift to me, mere mortal." 
You can't help but pat his chest, "you flatter." 
"You are too modest," he guides you along, "you are a statue come too life, art in the flesh." 
"My husband... you words are too sweet." 
"I know, I know, the wedding night is still ahead of us, I do run too fast," he chuckles, "but how can I help the anticipation? 
Your lashes flick and giggle, "husband." 
"That word has never sounded sweeter," he grins, "but a sweeter noise might be my own name. Say it for me, valkyrie." 
Your cheeks burn hot, "Thor?" 
"Delicious," he growls nearly baring his teeth, "and I shall savour every sound you make. Every moan and mewl. Every breath and laugh. Just as every part of you." 
It's too good to be true. You deign to let yourself feel it all but you must. If even only for tonight. If only for the next moment. You will have a morsel of happiness if it's all you have to chew on for the rest of your life. 
💟
The night wears on and so do you. Your feet ache, as does most of you, and your voice is raw from laughing and talking. It is the first that you ever spent an event not along the wall or hiding in some shadow. It is a night all your own, or so your husband has made it feel. 
Yet, he does not tire. Not as quickly. As he booms and bawls to the amusement of all, you cling to his arm and repress a yawn. You will not spoil his fun, you will persist. 
Still, you cannot ignore all urges of your humanity. You press a hand to his sleeve and excuse yourself, promising to return. Your husband pauses to bid you not be long and you're further abashed at his attention. 
You flit off to find the privy. You've been several times over the day. Your bladder swells no matter how little you drink. As you progress, you find your body is contradictory to your mind. 
You venture down the corridor and sweep into the room. Once relieved, you emerge feeling lighter but no less tired. The silent desolation of the corridor rather makes your exhaustion all the more potent. 
You turn towards the statue of a warrior, you recognise it, it is the means by which you've found your way. Before you can pass it, a figure appears from behind it and you falter in your slippers. 
You gasp and ball your hands, the man before you sending a ripple of horror through you as he smirks at your surprise. Lord Rogers' cheek dimples as he quorks his head like a cynical crow. 
"You are ever a creature of urges," he muses, "fluttering back and forth as a skittish bird." 
"My lord, I... what is the meaning--" 
"I'm afraid we've not had much of a chance to speak, have we? The blushing bride is much a titter," he chortles, "she has the gull to giggle like a maiden, even." 
"Lord Rogers," you utter, appalled. 
"But the sway of her hips do betray her true nature. That which is within her," he sneers, "as does the curdling of her face over any dish that tickles her nose." 
"Sir, I know not what you mean--" 
"I should laugh truly, to know that another will raise my bastard," he taunts, "that it is him, does entertain me more." He takes a step forward and you back, "so you will be certain to lay with him this night so he may believe he has vigour." He grabs your arms before you can elude him, "you will think of me, won't you, Athena, my fallen goddess? Of how I desecrated your--" 
Suddenly, you are staggered. Lord Rogers is swung backward and flung into the statue. There's a roar, tha same noise you would expect of a charging bear, and the flash of scarlet. You watch paralysed as Thor grabs Lord Rogers by his jacket and spins him, throwing him into the other wall. 
The smaller of the men, though they are both built well, slides to one knee, his hand on the plaster. The other is quick, wasting not a second before aims a foot into Rogers' stomach. The duke falls backward and is at once straddled beneath the larger. 
Thor lays blows upon the other man, hailing down on him like the tempest he claims himself. Your fear overflows and you push through the thick waves. You come forward numbly and pull your husband by the back of his collar.  
"Please sir, unhand him." 
"You would defend this animal!" He wails down another fist and growls. 
"No, no, I would not spare him but I would... I would have my husband not take me to my wedding night with bloodied knuckles. Thor," you pet the back of his head, "let this be a happy day. Please." 
He sits back on his heels and puffs out. He looks back at you as you step away. You put your hand to your middle.  
"Husband?" 
He snarls and spits on Lord Rogers, standing with a huff. You reach for his hand and he takes it. He squeezes as he sends one last kick of his toe to the man on the floor. 
"Let me save my strength for you, wife. I certainly would need it." 
131 notes · View notes
styxwanderer · 3 days
Text
The Wrong Fake Identity | Twisted Wonderland [pt.6]
part 1 Part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 <part 6>
[A for Abduction, B for Bribery]
˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚***•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙·̩̩̥͙**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚*·̩̩̥͙˚*
Word of you secured in the dragon’s and his herds arms spread wide. Some were brought to despair, some are brought to joy, some are brought to anger, some are even more determined.
“Of course the final boss would be the dragon, but there is nothing me a genius can’t do hehe..”
**✿❀○❀✿**
“Silver! How do i look!” You enthusiastically walked up to him, now dressed in the black and green uniform. 
“..it.. it looks good on you, y/n.” The precious boy stammered. His unique orb staring at you.
You had no idea why, but you felt yourself wanting to hug the silver haired boy, or maybe sleep on top of him. You just need to get him to lie down first.
“Come, we should show father and malleus!” 
“Alright.”
You intertwined your hand with his as you cling to him. Silver was shocked out of his mind from your boldness, even more so when you started purring in his hold, but he wouldn’t mind it either, it’s just a matter of keeping his heart steady that he mind. He could bow hear his heart beating in his ears, he just hope his complexion is not as obvious as his heart is.
“We are back father, Malleus.” 
“Oo welcome back—“ the both of them stood shock at your close proximity with silver, even so when you start to rub your cheeks against his biceps. 
“Aaa~ it seems this little kitty is very attached to you silver, after all you had been very good with animals.” Lilia can’t decide if he should be proud of his son or be jealous that he is favored by you. He had agreed to share you, but that doesn’t mean you can have favorites amongst them. 
Malleus was jealous, he had known you longer than silver but why must you choose silver? That’s alright, he would just prove to you that he is much kore deserving of your favour than the silver haired boy. 
“Child of man…” sitting in his throne, he called to get your attention, trying to get you to come to him. 
You ignored him, silence filled the room making silver sweat a drop, not wanting to offend his Leige. This makes malleus hurt.
“Come kitty, you can’t act so spoiled. When your king called you, you need to acknowledge him.” Lilia pried you off his son, sensing the jealousy that bubbles up the dragon fae.
“Malleus hold this.” Lilia throw a mouse toy connected to a string. This caught your attention, you begun to approach the dragon.
“Oh?! You wanted to approach me now that i have this? Interesting indeed.” Malleus swish the stick back and forth. Your head, of course follow. 
You leap to the toy trying to catch it, but Malleus had retracted the toy to his hand holding it. Your eyes remain slitted as you readied yourself.
“Oh?”
You pounced to his lap shocking the trio. In a reflective movement, malleus had stretched the hand to the air, and accidentally dropped it. 
“Oh no-“
You being a spoiled naughty cat you are deciding the best course of action is to jump over malleus, your feet stepping on top of his head, between his horn and leaped behind him to catch your prized mouse.
“Nyaa~” you meowed amused with your catch. The room once again become silent, 
“Ahahahahahha, how brazen this cat is, i have never had anybody even dared to think of stepping my head. Me, the heir to the briar valley. How amusing~”
“Hahahha.. if sebek is here he will either foam in his mouth, or have a mental breakdown, maybe both.” Lilia laugh
Silver too joined in, finding your boldness endearing and adorable, he wouldn't mind  if you had stepped on his head too. 
you returned to Malleus lap, finding it comfortable enough, this had made Malleus ecstatic tho he tried his best to hide it. you finding your foot print to be dirty and half guilty over your action decided you need to clean your mistake, you licked the top of his head grooming his hair back to its proper state. 
a prince can't have a messy hair! 
"oh my! your bravery is very admirable! The soldier in briar valley ought to learn a thing ir two from you." lilia mused
"lilia.."
"hmm.."
"how long does it take to plan a wedding.”
“Ohh my! Well it might take a year or two. But with a skillful fae it could take a day or two.”
“Malleus, is it not too early? We are still at school.” Silver chirped in.
“Doesn’t matter, they had accepted me as hers.”
“But-“
Malleus haul you up and spins you around. The blushing fae is spinning the room with you, still confused of the situation and more preoccupied with the toy in your hand:
“We shall be wed And have a kid or two. Our wedding would be the most magical! What a dream come true~”
Even though silver and lilia are a bit jealous that Malleus are abled to gain the title your husband, they wouldn’t mind at all since a king’s job would be plenty, and of course there should be somebody looking over you while your beloved husband is away. 
With Malleus preoccupied to plan the wedding he have silver and lilia to look over you, your over energetic drive have driven both lilia and silver out of their energy. 
“Oh no..” silver said mid playing as he felt himself getting drowsy and drowsier. Then  silver passed out on the floor.
“Noo.. you can’t leave me Silver, haaa-“ 
Lilia looked back at you thinking he have to continue to play with you alone but to his surprise you just walked toward silver before curling up on top of his abs and enjoying the boy’s warmth.
“ i guess the whole cat mouse game had also tire you out.” 
A rumble in your stomach became a bell to lilia.
“Oh! You are hungry too? What a demanding kitty, what can i do? I shall make you a grand fiest.” 
You were about to protest but all is too late since lilia bolted out of the room.
“I should just topple the plate over once he comes back for bow i shall enjoy this nice pillow” you thought.
“Psst…”
“PSSSSTTTTTTT…..”
There is a voice again, you looked around to find the source. A hand then came out of the big door.
“Come here kitty kitty kitty~~~” it whispered 
“What is this smell?” You thought 
“It smell, so… so very..”
“Nice!” 
You bolted towards the door to find the source of such delectable smell.
“Idia?? Nice to see you here! Also.. heyy~ what’s that sticking all over you? It smells so good~” 
You grow closer and closer to the guy sniffing him up and down. Idia is standing nervously, he had somehow managed to stick a lot of catnip all around his clothes hair and body, stuffing as much as he can inside under his jacket of course.
“It..it doesn’t matter, the smell, its just something special for you..” his voice getting lower towards the end.
“Ohh! Idia you are the best!” You hugged the now pink flame haired boy. 
“Eh uhm not really.. haha.. so you would want to come with me righht? Ill give you lots of these if you come with me.” The nerveous boy had somehow snapped his personality to a cocky bastard. 
“Yess! YES! Where should we go?” 
“Just follow me!” 
You are latching yourself to Idia as you give his occasional rub on his neck, his arm, his chest, sniffing the delectable smell. 
You had been successfully stolen by the timid boy. 
Once malleus and lilia came back and finding the passed out silver and not a single strand of your hair in sight, a thunder roars through diasomnia. This snaps Silver out of his dream. 
“FIND HER, and punish those who dare to steal from me!” 
“Yes, malleus.”
“What is this smell?” 
**✿❀○❀✿**
Meanwhile in Ignihyde,
“Awhh whose the good kitty?” 
“Me! Me!” 
You had a brad new collar, a blue triangle patterned collar with a beautiful silver charm, which engraved “ property of Idia, please return” on the back side of it. You are given a comfortable ignihyde uniform. You are nuzzling Idia in his room, enjoying the comfort of his body and the addictive smell. 
You hug him close rubbing yourself everywhere around his body, sniffing him close. You can never get enough of his smell. 
“I am the best, i am a genius. Not even the final boss can win against my brilliance” Idia thought, patting himself on the back for his brilliant idea. No body could rival his brilliance he manically laugh inside. 
He decided to play his  game in his bed as you latch to his torso, sitting in his lap. The both of you comfortable with each other. A peck of pink flame always colouring Idia’s hair. 
**✿❀○❀✿**
“Ignihyde dorm leader had taken y/n away from him.” The news spread. 
“That guy?!!” Ace half-shouted shock.
“Well he is quite a cat lover, Still we have to get y/n back!” Grim grumbled
“HOW DARE HE STEAL THEM AWAY FROM MY LEIGE!!” 
“We hafta to et em back! “
“Uhmm.. to get them away from my brother.. is going to be quite hard..” Ortho ponders.
“A! Its because you are on his side isn’t it!” Ace accused.
“Not its not!! Its just the fact that Idia manage to steal them away from the final boss means that he also come prepared, like a final boss.”
“What ever would make them go with that guy.” Deuce ponders. 
“Delivery for Idia shroud.”
The five of them glanced back at the rabbit delivery courier. 
“Oh! Deuce! Nice to see you here.”
“Nice to see you too, can we help you with something.”
“Ah its just, do you know where to find idia shroud.”
“Oh yes he is my brother.”
“Is that so, well i got a package, I don’t know where to drop it off, he said he is going to meet me but i guess he lost track of time.”
“Geez typical of my brother.”
“Right i will just leave the package to you, please sign here.”
“Okay.”
“And here is your package.”
“Uwaaaaa!” Ortho almost tumble down as he try to hoist the package up. 
“What is this? Why is it so heavy!!”
The courier had already left probably in a hurry.
“ hey.. that’s idia’s right?” Grim said.
“Yes..”
“The  he must’ve building something that capture y/n or some defense! If we get to know what he is building then we can defeat the final boss eaze peaze right?” Grim smirked
“Oh! Nice thinking! Now open the package!” Epel enthusiasticly said. 
“Wait! No! If brother know you went through his stuff! He will be mad!!!” 
“What he doesn’t know wont bother him!” Ace smirked closing in on ortho who is trying to protect his brother’s package.
“YES ! LETS UNCOVER WHATEVER THAT HUMAN IS PLANNING ON! HURRY HAND IT OVER!” 
“Im sorry ortho but this is for the best.” 
“NOOoooo..”
Jack hauled the box out of Ortho’s grasp as he open it. 
“Eugh this smell. Ah!” Jack had accidentally thrown the box down. Letting it’s content to spill.
“Hey! Computer program is very delicate ya know!”
“It isn’t computer program.” Jack answered.
“Huh?” 
“AAAAHHH!!!” A collective gasp were heard.
“Catnip?!!” 
“THAT BASTARD Is bribing my henchhuman!” Grim fumed. Even though, it smelled good, if you aren’t there to serve him he rather not have it. 
“ THAT BASTARD ID DRUGGING THEM!” Deuce yelled.
“That’s rude! My brother is not that low! He must’ve used this … for other reasons… probably..” 
“WHATEVER! Now this is ours we can used it however we liked, even to lure a certain cat!” Epel smirked.
“Nice thinking! Human!” Sebek.
“Oh what’s with the commotion here?”
“AAAHH!! Its Riddle, Trey, and Carter!!” 
“It is certainly noisy around here.” Azul and the tweek appeared 
“ stop yapping already, and what is this smell?” Leona said wincing his nose. Ruggie walking aside, hand behind his head. 
“Ohhh!! Is there something going on here?” The scarabia duo come in. 
“ what a troublesome thing, epel i expected you to be more reserved around these miscreant. “ vil and room has also joined them.
“Oya oya? Is there some sort of meeting we are not invited into?” The diasomnia trio appeared. 
“Ah look its the traitor group.” Leona taunted.
“Whatever shall we do to a grouo of traitor.” Azul joined in.
“A beheaded sure is filling for the crimes of betrayal is it not.”
“Truly it is, afterall  a dog that bites the hand that feeds them needs to be punished.”
“EEEKH!” 
“Hahaha, don’t be too cruel now you two, now that item, it’s idia’s is ot not?”Azul chuckle 
“Ooo? He is building something to building a project?” Malleus questioned
“My brother’s business is none of your business!!”
“Plus it’s finder’s keepers so HANDS OFF!”
“Oh still dare to bark?”
“Ohh look at all those catnip.” Lilia suddenly show behind them.
“ARGHHHH!” 
“Malleus could this possibly the smell from before?”
“Hmm.. It Is! Haaa unexpected of shroud, he dared to enter the dragon’s territory and claim his bride/groom? How terrible.”
“Ha? Whose bride/groom?” Leona retorted.
“Of course they should be mine, None of you know how to take care of them properly!” Vil joined.
The seven of them tried to escape but were soon caught by the tall huge juniors.
“Where are you going noww? I havent squeeze you all yet~”
“Hahaha, that’s true, floyd needs his fill for today.”
“Stop this little pups..” 
The potionlogy came with Crowley who was tied and forced to go whereever he is, Sam, Vargas, and also Trein. 
“Stop fighting against each other for once we have greater problem.”
“What is it?”
The first year could only sigh and surrender to  whatever fate is to come.
After the explanation the second and third year felt like hunting and mauling the crow. 
“Eekh! I told you im sorry already! It’s not my fault —“
“Its your fault ya kno..” Sam interrupted.
Vargas is trying to calm the boiling crewel.
“Ha, we need to catch them before the inspector comes and give them the antidote to their potion.” Trein concluded.
“This package, idia’s package might’ve proven to be useful to us.” Crewel said
“we need to come up with a plan.”
“Haaa, im sorry brother.” 
[ Words 2505]
>> to be continued<<
.·:*¨༺ ❈ ༻¨*:·.
[ maybe i should add tw: druging LOL]
Taglist:
@agaygothicmushroom
@feverish-dove
@jjsmeowthie
@losingmybrain
@mysticcyan
@valentinaagarcia
@fancyhawk45
@ayanokomu
@mel-star636
@haveneulalie
@lanxianschoenheit
@wisteriarose214
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milqueandsugar · 1 day
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🌼☕` Green With Envy `☕🌼
Gen / hurt-comfort if your like ten feet away and squinting, Fluff
Includes / Charlie , Alastor , Adam
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| CHARLIE |
Charlie is never really jealous, alright, she has complete trust in you
That being said, it definitely happens!
Charlie is really, really emotionally intelligent and picks up on subtleties alot of others don't, she may be naive and trusting but she's not stupid and her vibe check has yet to be off
Ignore alastor that was a calculated risk
So when the two of you decide to take a break from promoting the hotel to share some greasy, cheesy food at a pub
Most food places were groceries, cannibalistic or bar and grills, so it wasn't uncommon for the two of you to go out for food and have a few drinks while you were there
She had just returned from the bathroom when she spotted the sinner chatting you up at the bar counter
Something about the sight, maybe the lighting, maybe how close the stools were- therefore how close you were, or something about how you played with the straw of your drink absent-mindedly set her off
She's not- proud of what she did per se
She slides in next to you, interlocking her fingers with your hand resting on the counter top, squeezing it affirmingly
"Hey hon, whose this?" Tone too cheery, smile a little to calculated
It's then she saw the hotel flyer in the sinners hands, aw, whoops
"Oh this is-"
"Travis."
They extended their hand too shake and still a little embarrassed about her initial take she took his hand, fumbling slightly before he squeezed her hand a little too hard
Oh
She wasn't the only one jealous here
She was VERY quick to get you two out of there, some emergency at the hotel or with nifty, or something, she doesn't like feeling like this and she doesn't like being in a situation that might make you uncomfortable, and to be very, very honest she did NOT want that demon anywhere near you
| ALASTOR |
He's a very confident man, he knows you love him, he knows that you know he'd do anything for you, he's comfortable with you
That being said when he finds the letter inviting you to an interview on 666 NEWS by Vox he felt all the jealousy he mocked others for having rise in his throat like bile
"It's some sort of trap, I don't want you going."
He sets the letter down in front of you, let's you read it, digest it before shrugging
"I don't know why'd they want to interview me anyways, I don't even think Angel has an interview with him."
"Oh I can think of a few reasons. "
He runs his fingers along your jaw, tilting your head up to look at him
"Maybe I should go then."
"What."
He didn't have time to register your teasing tone before your giggling at his expense
"If the people love me as much as you do maybe I should go on."
"Oh no one could possibly do that, no one who wants to live anyways."
Now it's his turn to tease, and he takes the letter from you, tearing it up
"Though since you seem so keen on fame why don't you join me on my radio show?"
| ADAM |
Jealous all the time
Doesn't bring it up because he wants you to believe he's confident but bro he's dying inside
The only time he ever, ever directly told you he was jealous or uncomfortable was in his early days in his band, back when he was newbie to the group and was working to gain his name in the industry
It was just after the show and the lot of you were hanging back stage, signing shirts and breasts and having a few drinks
You were talking about something inconsequential when a fan came up and started talking to him, you took your cue and peeled off to get a beer for the both of you
That fan came and went, and another, and another and he thought first you stopped to use the restroom, i mean hell he kinda needed to piss too
When he caught a break between fans he headed to the restrooms, now worried you didn't have toilet paper or accidentally locked yourself in (not speaking from personal experience at all, he doesn't want to talk about it)
Instead he found you backed up by some sound tech guy
"I uh- I should really get going, my boyfriend, uh is my ride and I gotta get home-"
"Why going so soon? I saw you behind stage waiting for him, I gotta say cutie, your worth far more than that ass."
"Haha, yeah, he's definitely an ass but he's my ass, yknow?"
Something about your nervous laughter burned that jealousy straight to anger
"Yeah, speaking off assholes."
He practically tossed the guy off of you
"Take a hint."
He was angry for the rest of the day, not at you, not ever at you, but damn, he needed to blow some steam off, mostly by angry ranting to you in your apartment
"What was that guy's fucking problem!?"
"That guys NEVER going to be on set again, fuck what if it was someone else who didn't have someone looking out for them yeah?"
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rqbossman · 3 days
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silly jellyfish related asks aside, I wanted to genuinely say thank you so much for all your work on tma and other rq projects. I had  never really been into the horror fiction genre before listening to tma but it introduced me to a whole world of wonderful new media, so thank you so much for that. Tma has really been a source of inspiration and comfort for me over the last couple of years, and it’s such a genuinely amazing story that you should be incredibly proud of creating. I hope you don’t feel too overwhelmed by all the asks! Have a great rest of your day :)
Such kind words! Look after yourself too.
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aeruia · 13 hours
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↻. GENSHIN IMPACT
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↻. EYES ON ME .
in which [name] can't really handle eye contact very well, can they handle scara's gaze on them? ( they can't . /j )
pairing : scaramouche x reader
warning/s : lowercase intended, not good very cringey!
word count : 714
note : not really my best work but i'm doing this for the sake of keeping this blog alive and active, i have sm pending works istg i've been trying to finish them all at once 😭
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you have a habit of staring everywhere except to whoever is talking to you. every time someone speaks with you, you're looking in the other direction and aside from that you will only look at them if necessary. several of your friends also noticed that if you're talking to others, your gaze seems to avert and look elsewhere.
they asked you about it and it appears that you're unable to hold eye contact for too long since you weren't used to making eye contact with other people and got used to working alone or with only a few people you had known like family.
by the time you have finished your work, you find yourself having a drink and a chit-chat with scara. it was only supposed to be a small chat with how your work and his work is but seems like scara has other plans. he made you his drinking buddy.
you weren't really a fan of drinking yet you accepted the offer since you don't wanna be rude and now, you're here drinking with none other than scara as you avoid looking at him as possible. everything around you now looks interesting to you. it now appears that each thing has a deep meaning that it should have. with your eyes glancing almost everywhere you still managed to catch everything he says word by word.
he notices that your eyes have been glancing everywhere but he never saw you glance at him even for a second. tilting his head to the side, his arms crossed near his chest.
“ are you listening? ” that didn't sound like a question to you yet it is a question. you're just interpreting it differently. “ huh? yes, of course. i'm listening. ” answering his question only looking at him for a few seconds and then smiled before looking away again.
the indigo haired man smiled. it wasn't visible but you can see it if you look closely. he stopped discussing things with you besides everything that was coming out from his mouth was complaining.
in exchange for the silence, his eyes linger on you, you can feel his eyes on you as if he was burning holes into your sitting figure in front of him. your [e/c] slowly side eye scara's own orbs. he was definitely just looking at you and by the looks of it he doesn't have any plans on looking away soon even if you aren't staring at him.
“ you genuinely can't keep an eye contact, huh? ” he questioned as if it wasn't obvious enough by how you tried to avoid his gaze. he knows that you aren't that used to looking at someone in the eye and also knowing that it's disrespectful to not look at the person who's talking to you.
you didn't even notice there was a lump forming at your throat if you haven't gulped. everything looks so interesting right now, you just want to run away from here and look for something that looks interesting and pretend to study it. “ i should really practice on holding eye contact.. ” you thought, you can even do it by looking at the person in front of you but that doesn't seems like a good idea.
the person in front of you is scaramouche. everything about him feels intimidating for you. building up the courage you finally give in and looked up at him. he was taken back when you looked back at him, his eyes widened for a second before he smiled smugly at you.
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that lasted you well, not that long but you're proud of yourself for that. you hear him chuckle as he uncrosses his arms as he puts his hand on the table.
“ very well then, can't really keep your pretty eyes on me for so long? ” he teased with a saddened tone when he said the words so long as your cheeks heat up.
you didn't even answer it as you just left him alone there, not wanting to embarrass yourself any further as scara just watched you walked away.
he noticed the tip of your ears were red when you stand up and he couldn't help but smile by just how adorable you are.
maybe teasing you more often, will make him see your other side?
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date posted 052024
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archaiclumina · 12 hours
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Quiz: What does your Soul Smell Like
I got tagged in this quiz by ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ @why-raven and @amalthea-felsblood! ࣪ ˖⟡˚౨ৎ⋆ Thank you beauties for thinking of me! ♥︎ I peeped this quiz when the lovely ❀ @shroudkeeper ❀ first shared she'd found it in this post! And thought it looked awesome then and meant to take it when I got some time, but then I forgot about it c': So it was lovely to be tagged in it and have the reminder in my notifs! You folks are lifesavers! c': I took it for both Ren and Oli! Because I thought it would be fun to see if they ended up compatible and apparently they're not! (obviously, it's incorrect. c': )
Oli
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Candle Smoke key words: self-assured, courageous, intuitive. you are an expert at overcoming your demons and should be proud of how brave you have consistently shown yourself to be. others are amazed by your perseverance, strong personality, and unapologetic uniqueness. compatible with: coffee, freshly baked bread.
Ren
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Fresh Linen key words: refreshing, wit, humour. you are a relaxing person to be around and leave a positive impression on almost everybody you interact with! you're always sending the funniest memes in the groupchat and when you really like someone you can talk to them for hours on end. compatible with: fresh linen, grass and rain, rosewater.
This was a super fun quiz to take! Although it turns out the blorbaes souls aren't compatible scents, I'd argue that candle smoke and fresh linen are a pretty compatible combination! (If they aren't how come fresh linen is one of those fancy candle fragrances?!) I actually do think it describes their personalities very accurately tho! Even if it thinks they're incompatible soulmates c': It was so fun I think I might take it for myself and see what my soul smells like c': Thank you both again for the tag!! <33
Throwing out a few tags to some beloved mutuals! ˚₊·—̳͟͞͞♡ @aislingsurrow, @chadhunkler, @dragons-ire, @jigschosai, and @sealrock : ̗̀➛
(and @reconditerune, if he remembers (♡˙³˙) )
And, I'll say this until me or this hellsite dies, whichever comes first you there, reading this!! You're tagged too! Take the silly uquiz if you want to, tell me if your result fits your blorbo or not! <3
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bettsfic · 1 day
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Hi Betts,
I recently listened to an interview with an author that said “when they decided to get really serious about writing and their dreams they made a ten year plan.” So me being the planner that I am, said maybe I should do it too, especially since this writer is pretty successful. Have I made a decent enough plan? No, because being real about your dreams and committing is scary af.
But I have developed this thinking that each story I have to work on has to be “publishable” and if I can’t immediately envision its success I need to push it away. For some people this is fine. For me, I’m pushing aside every idea and am constantly writing for an invisible audience. Which has its pros and cons.
I want to become efficient so that I can be a good author. One who meets deadlines and puts out work they are proud of. But I’m wondering if it’s even possible to try to work to be an author and still create work that is fun and true to you? If a decision isn’t meaningful I won’t include it in my outline. It feels like the only time writing can be fun is when I was young and had no clue about market and rules and just assumed my dreams would come true.
you know, what i keep finding over and over again is that i was right about a great many things before i had any idea what i was doing. i just didn't know why i was right, i had no context or evidence for my rightness. granted, i was arrogant, but arrogance isn't wrong; it's just uninformed. when you inform arrogance, it becomes confidence. you become informed by getting a lot of feedback on your work and giving feedback on work; having your work accepted once or twice and accepting someone else's work; having your work rejected hundreds of times and being the one to reject. maybe you've done all those things already, in which case you're firmly on your path and there's not much you have to do besides keep going.
i definitely relate to what you're saying, though. i would be lying if i said i wasn't just days ago in a phase of berating myself for my failures and wishing i could work harder and more efficiently. i've cultivated some confidence about my work, but there are some ways in which i'm too arrogant and others in which i'm too humble. i have a long way to go still in informing myself about my work and the process of making it.
you'll be in positions where you have to make creative concessions for the sake of publishing, but don't make them before you get anything on the page. listen to your own ideals and make those ideals happen in your work. a year ago, i finished a novel that was my favorite thing i'd ever made, and i was so proud of it, but i knew it wasn't publishable in the state it was in. even though i'd worked a year on it, it was still an early draft and bore the marks of an early draft, but i couldn't see that because i'd never taken any project further than that one. i'd never felt closer to a project or more intensely toward it. and when i was done, i went through six months grieving it, in a sense, because i knew i'd have to rewrite it. i had to kill the thing that it was in order for it to become what it needed to be. i came to accept that, and the next six months sat on the frustration of not knowing what direction to take it, but having the wisdom to know i couldn't rush it or force it.
and then the fix came to me all at once. the fix involves getting rid of many things that were once dear to me. not even darlings, but entire themes i felt were meaningful, that were the very things i want to share and explore in my work. i don't feel so bad about giving those things up now. what i take out will be put into something else eventually, and what i keep will stand out more starkly. the new parts i write will fit better and serve the story itself, even if it's no longer the story i originally intended to tell.
when you're drafting, your work is in a private conversation with yourself; it's about you even if it isn't. but it can't stay about you. eventually it has to stand on its own. and you might think, well why can't i just write something that stands on its own to begin with? but if you do that, writing is just work, it's business, and it may be more efficient but it's also less meaningful. there's no such thing as efficient creativity. it takes as long as it takes, and if you force yourself on a ten year timeline you might as well focus that energy on something more lucrative and within your control. there's so much about writing that's just chance and discovery and failure and faith.
so i think you should go back to assuming your dreams will come true and not thinking too much about anything except the work itself until you get to the point where you have to. and it will hurt. it may hurt more than anything hurt you've ever put yourself through. but trust you'll get to where you're going, even if it takes longer than you intended.
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imaginealpha · 1 year
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WAHHHH YOUR TAGS ON THAT POST BESTIE IM RUGBY TACKLING YOU INTO A HUG RN <333 i have so much nerve to never shut the fuck up ever about every single thing in my life on here and then get genuinely surprised when people actually. have a grasp on where im at and how im doing and how i got there etc. like it's warming and touching and yeah. just makes me feel less alone in all the heaviness so tysm for those tags, i always appreciate acts of kindness that could very easily have been missed with no repurcussions if that makes sense? like you didnt HAVE to reblog that post and put those tags i would have thought no less of you if you hadnt, but you DID purely to be nice and that's a very lovely characteristic to have. especially bc - and sorry if this is weird - ive seen you in my notes with commentary on things if i reblog a post regarding mental health or something and idk. i think we're quite similar. like i always read every tag you put and i guess im just trying to say, from the snippets ive got, i see you too <3
Ohh my god hella you are so sweet and thoughtful istg <333 I may not be able to relate to all of your experiences but you articulate them in a way that makes me understand and more importantly *want* to understand which is so so important. Honestly even though we are similar we have grown up in very different environments and you have inadvertently taught me a lot just by sharing your thoughts and feelings and experiences!!
Thank you so much for taking the time to send me such a lovely ask I appreciate it very much :))) it boggles my mind that you actually read my tag rambles bc im sure you get a lot im so honored. Anyways I hope you have a lovely day and some warm cups of tea for the tough days ahead ^-^ it will be rough as you know but you will always bounce back better than before
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bendyy-blog · 3 months
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Hi.
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