#and you're probably still eating McDonalds but at least I know the best way I can help is to know when my help is wanted or not ...

[heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon]

Going to some bitches blog via someone else's Hazbin blog, because I tried to like/reblog their meta but tumblr wouldn't let me, and then I find out the reason why it wouldn't let me is because the OP of the meta apparently blocked me, but I've never seen or interacted with them before, but OP has like a video game icon and a fucking moving gif video game graphic of like a damn nuclear explosion for a header on top of that going off anyway, and I'm trying to read through her other Hazbin posts but I can't focus, because I'm distracted by a goddamn fucking nuclear explosion taking place above me that won't stop and just as I'm thinking "OP, that was such good meta why would you hurt my eyes and brain like this? Alas, you have a video game character for an icon, I should've known!" and in all my disorientation from that seizure trigger waiting to happen, I happen to glance at the upper right corner of her blog and clock there's no follow button for me, and it's just like, "Alright, your loss, Toots! Have fun endangering disabled people by being yet another person in this fandom obnoxious enough to keep some tacky moving gif as your header and actually think that looks good in the year of Our Lord Alastor Hartfelt 2024, I hope you make your Journey To The Light soon! ^_^ <3"

... It was probably my posts tagged with ace discourse god knows these gamer bitches never actually have any, l o l...

[ruggiezz]

— MOST TO LEAST LIKELY TO GO TO MCDONALDS WITH YOU AT 3 AM : twisted wonderland

[synopsis] twisted wonderland characters that would accompany you to mcdonalds at 3 am

[characters] all (romantic) + ortho (platonic)

[disclaimer] this post talks about food a lot and mentions of unhealthy food (in vil's and riddle's part)

[extra] i'm having way too much fun writing character's reactions

── Most likely

★﹕LILIA VANROUGE

Bold of you to assume he was sleeping in the first place. Lilia was playing the equivalent of Overwatch in Twisted Wonderland when you suddenly asked him to go to the nearest McDonald's. He agreed instantly, and now you're both on a date, with you eating fries and Lilia eating a strawberry sundae and a cheeseburger..

★﹕ORTHO SHROUD (platonic)

He agreed instantly. Can robots even feel tired in the first place? Ortho will search on the internet for coupons and promos, but first let him equip his eating gear; he wants to eat too. Everything for his best friend. By the way, he wants to buy something for Idia too.

★﹕ROOK HUNT

Rook got out of bed even before you even mentioned you wanted to go out, he woke up when he felt you were awake. Rook is a light sleeper; he can even feel when you wake up to go to the bathroom. If you really want a meal at McDonald's, who is he to say no? It makes him happy to see you happy, but he will stare while drinking his strawberry shake. Not a "I'm judging you" stare, but a "I like to see you enjoy your meal" stare.

★﹕MALLEUS DRACONIA

He has probably eaten McDonald's at least once because Lilia bought the whole of Diasomnia burgers. Alright, you're both going. Yes, he's still a little confused over why you would crave a really cheap burger at 3 am, but Malleus doesn't even care; the burgers are good and he enjoys indulging in human customs, plus he gets to see you smile. The only bad thing is that the employees got the fright of their lives when they saw the literal prince of Briar Valley enter the restaurant.

★﹕SILVER

Still sleepy, he agreed. There are times when he randomly awakes during the night, so he might as well spend it with you, even if it was at a fast food restaurant at 3 am. He'll order an iced coffee and some fries and listen to you while you speak about whatever comes to mind. You'll both have to make it quick though, he may fall asleep there, and you both need to get back before classes start.

★﹕DEUCE SPADE

He didn't even understand what you were saying; his mind was still foggy from being woken up so late. He said yes, not knowing what he was agreeing with, but a few minutes later he realized what he agreed to. Deuce, not wanting to have gotten your hopes up only for him to say no, got up and accompanied you anyway. He still enjoyed himself though, as long as he is with you, he's happy.

★﹕RUGGIE BUCCHI

He's tired because of how many errands Leona made him do yesterday, but you know what? He will still go. Food is food, and he could never refuse it. Leona lets him grab his credit card anyway, so order whatever you want, Leona will pay, even if he doesn't know that. It's not like he checks his credit card's expenses, so don't worry about it.

★﹕JACK HOWL

When he confessed to you a few months ago, he didn't expect that would mean signing up for you waking him up in the middle of the night, asking him to accompany you to eat fast food outside of campus. Still, he's your boyfriend, and he can't let you go alone, it's dangerous. Even if he doesn't feel like ordering anything, he will sit there with you until you finish your meal, chatting with you in the meantime.

★﹕ACE TRAPPOLA

You're lucky he loves you too much; he would have said no if you were another person. So now Ace is sitting at McDonald's, almost falling asleep while eating some nuggets. That one song they keep replaying will haunt him in his dreams; it got stuck in his head for like, a week. Riddle reprimanded him the next day for falling asleep during history class.

★﹕CATER DIAMOND

Out of everything he could have expected a person to say at 3 am, it certainly wasn't "I want to go to McDonald's". Cater takes a selfie with you inside and uploads it to his Magicam story, the close friends one, so Riddle doesn't realize he wasn't at the dorm. He still has no idea how you came up with this, but ok, it was for the funsies.

★﹕JADE LEECH

You're certainly unpredictable, aren't you? Jade stared at you for a good minute until he just got up, got changed, and went with you. Floyd has done weirder stuff during one of his mood swings; what harm can going to McDonald's do? He doesn't feel like cooking that late anyway. Just don't tell Azul you're both going to the competition, okay?

★﹕EPEL FELMIER

He had you repeat what you said twice to make sure he was hearing you correctly. You want to do what? Let him go back to sleep, please. Okay, whatever, he will accompany you, but make it quick. At least that's what he said before spending the next two hours chatting with you while eating. He sadly got caught by Vil when he came back. Rook snitched.

★﹕SEBEK ZIGVOLT

No, he has to make sure nobody attacks Malleus while he's sleeping. But with some reassurance from Lilia (and him asking Sebek to bring him a burger) and his love for you, he decided to accompany you. He'll ask for the biggest burger since he has a big appetite. He did enjoy it at the end; 10/10 would do it again (but he won't say that out loud).

★﹕KALIM AL-ASIM

He doesn't mind that you woke him up, and he would like to go, but there's a small problem: he isn't allowed to go anywhere without Jamil, which means he would need to wake him up. Jamil wouldn't be happy about that, and Kalim doesn't want to bother him either. So you both just order takeout and give the delivery guy a very generous tip.

★﹕IDIA SHROUD

Idia was awake, but he really doesn't want to go, and he's also farming for an event. Great, now he's craving McDonald's too. If you really want to go, you can have Ortho accompany you, but please bring him a chicken sandwich and some fries. You can use his debit card to pay.

★﹕TREY CLOVER

... What? What did you even dream about to crave McDonalds so late at night? Trey says you both can go on the weekend if you really want to, but go back to sleep, please. There's an important exam tomorrow, and you'll both be in trouble if you suddenly fall asleep in the middle of it.

★﹕FLOYD LEECH

He was not in a good mood after being woken up in the middle of the night. Floyd won't let you go, squeezing you so hard that you can't even move away from the bed. You're not going anywhere the whole night, and if you still want the meal, you can order some in the Mostro Lounge tomorrow.

★﹕LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

It's 3 am, what the heck. Leona says Ruggie can buy you some tomorrow; ask for as much as food as you want, but not at 3 am. He will fall asleep on top of you, so you can't even move, just in case you try to sneak out while he sleeps.

★﹕JAMIL VIPER

No, please, he's tired. He did so much work yesterday: laundry, cooking, folding clothes, tutoring Kalim, paperwork for an upcoming event, and preparing for an exam. He just wants to rest for at least a few hours. Go back to sleep, please. He promises he'll cook you a burger with some fries tomorrow. His cooking is way superior to fast food anyway.

★﹕RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS

"No, that's unhealthy", he says. Somebody buy him a happy meal or something, Riddle has probably never eaten fast food in his life. Either way, there's class tomorrow, and he would never forgive himself if he arrived late to a lesson. So no, you aren't going anywhere.

★﹕AZUL ASHENGROTTO

Why would you want to eat at McDonalds when he has a literal restaurant? Are you trying to buy from the competition? Now Azul is offended at 3 am, so offended that he dragged you to the kitchen to make you a meal resembling the McDonald's one just to prove Mostro Lounge's food is better.

★﹕VIL SCHOENHEIT

Excuse you? Not only did you interrupt his beauty sleep, but you want to go eat McDonald's'? It's 3 am, please go back to sleep or you'll get dark circles. Lack of sleep is bad for your skin, and he won't take the risk, much less to eat unhealthy food.

── Least likely

[alwaysshallow]

gorgeous, part 6

Simon "Ghost" Riley x f!reader

You come home with...special guest. (3,4k)

READ ON AO3

previous part || next part

A/N: I am SOOOO sorry uploading it to tumblr took so much time; my internet was in veeery bad place and later on, when it got better, i forgot lmao. also; new aesthetics on the posts, i hope you're gonna like it!! love

Being drunk as hell had its disadvantages.

"You're fuckin' unbelieveable," he said, and it seemed like he was almost disappointed that you asked for extending your adventure with him a bit.

"Come on, Simon." You tugged at his jacket, whining a bit, hoping that's gonna get him on your mercy. "You have to eat too, it's a perfect occasion."

And that was the disadvantage; the urge to eat something unhealthy. You had this desire more often than not, something inevitable on your ride back home. Kebab, McDonalds, Taco Bell, anything unhealthy and quick seemed like the best meal.

It wasn't different the night you were coming home from the gala, Soap still being your personal driver, now listening to your and Simon's ramblings if it was a good idea to drive to the nearest fast food restaurant.

Honestly, if you were him, you'd probably kick the two of you out of the car to sort it out, but Johnny always seemed too invested with drama to just give up so easily. Especially if it was something about his best friend.

"Already ate," he murmured, looking at you. “Can’t you just wait ‘till home?”

“You barely ate, liar. And, it won’t be the same, Riley.” You pointed at him, grinning a little, when he rolled his eyes, scoffing under his nose. Knowing his real surname brought you a lot of fun, considering that it fitted him more than basic “Harris”. “Besides, it’s not like we’re gonna sit here for years.”

“You’re so—”

“—you have somewhere to be, or you just like whining?”

He shook his head. “Whinin’ is my specialty, actually. Johnny, you see somethin’ ‘round us?”

“Right ‘n clear, LT.” Man chuckled, receiving a death glare from his comrade, but you? You were pretty satisfied that he agreed finally considering how hungry you felt, even if you ate something at the military gala.

“Something” was horrendous, though; as drinks were just spectacular, their food was pretty… basic, tasteless? A lot of meat that you certainly didn’t like in portions, meat that was the center of this gala. Maybe it was a preference (or being picky), but some vegetables to it, or something other than meat-centered food wouldn’t kill them to prepare, yeah?

At least, you thought this way. You were more creative with preparing food than they were.

Fifteen minutes later, you arrived; at this point, you didn’t even pay attention where you landed, what fast food restaurant it was, you just went outside before Simon did, hungry and tired of this evening, even if you were happy with you going. After all, every chance to get closer to this giant was a win.

That hurry could be your first mistake, since you didn’t even notice how your dress got stuck between the car's door when you closed it. The outcome? Ripped material, almost to your upper thigh.

“Fuck,” you groaned, suddenly getting sad about that dress. Not like you could wear it anywhere else, it looked too fancy and you wouldn’t have many occasions to represent it properly. But your whiny-alcohol self wasn't pleased when she was looking at the scene of the tragedy.

“What did you…” Simon frowned, his eyes darting from your face and the bottom of your dress, now not looking as good as it was before.

“Ripped it,” you explained it briefly, sighing to yourself, when you two entered the local. “I’ll just have to throw it in the trash later.”

He seemed genuinely confused. “Can’t buy a new one?”

You shook your head. “Wouldn’t be a bad idea, if I’d have somewhere to wear it. But I don’t, so it’s a sign that I should get rid of it, you know?”

Simon only hummed in response.

The two of you entered the restaurant and ordered food; or, it would be more accurate to say that you ordered and he, like a princess, took a seat near the window.

He still stayed with his “I don’t want anything” statement, so you took something for yourself and an additional burger, if he’d want to bite into something—you could say that you cared about him. Not only did he take you to the gala after Soap basically pranked the two of you (even if you seemed like a bigger loser in the outcome), but he also was here. Spending time that he could spend on anything else.

Cheesy thought, but you liked that he seemed genuinely pleased with your companion, even if it was something so simple.

And he wasn’t irritated with you being loud. Something that he should be praised for, honestly.

“Mm. This?” You pointed with your finger at the burger, completely not caring about messing your fingers. “This is food.”

“Not really a fan of fancy cookin’, then?” Ghost raised his eyebrow, chuckling, when you gave him a judgy look. “What? Simply askin’.”

“I am , but I prefer this. Or, cooking at home,” you explained, as you took a bite of your fries. Then, you grabbed a few, trying to offer them to him since he didn’t order anything. He shook his head. “What? Come on.”

“Not really hungry, dove.”

“Doesn’t seem like my problem, dove,” you said right back, shaking the fries between your fingers, expecting him to take it. “Come on, Riley, you can certainly be a good boy and take them.”

You were pretty satisfied when he leaned in your direction. You even moved food closer to his hand, just to make it easier for him to snatch the fries with his fingers.

But he did something entirely different than you thought, he just bit them, and when you couldn’t be more surprised, he munched them whole, his teeth lightly touching your fingers.

His teeth.

Touching your fingers.

In theory, it wasn’t anything particularly deep, something like this could happen with everyone, but your attention had the way Simon looked at you. Your gazes, locked in together, a spark in his eyes, like he was challenging you to do something about it. To have a reaction , just like he had you blushing earlier on.

You cleared your throat slowly, to move on to your diet coke with ice, now melted; just like your dignity. Probably if he’d ask you to come to his apartment, you’d agree without any resistance.

“Not gonna say anything?” He asked after a few seconds, tilting his head to the side. Cocky smile on his lips, knowing one; he wasn’t dumb after all, he noticed the way you looked at him, the way you reacted to things.

Very attractive, but very irritating as well, especially when you had enough embarrassments this evening. You didn’t need him being all cocky and shit.

“What, you need compliments? Scratching behind your ear?” You raised an eyebrow, trying to mess with his attitude. You didn’t want to make this game easier for him than it already was, it wouldn’t be in your character.

“Well, since you named me… what was the word? Good boy, mhm.” He nodded, slowly, like he was recalling it all. “Then, it would be only proper to be treated like I did somethin’ good.”

Cheeky bastard.

“Real smooth,” you murmured, barely keeping yourself from rolling your eyes at him.

When you stood up, Simon’s hand automatically went to the corner of the table; you raised an eyebrow at it, confused why he did it. You wanted to even joke about this, but the words died in your mouth, when your eyes met his, and you instantly knew .

Previously, you banged with your hip against it. Hurt like hell, and now he decided to…

You gulped, walking out of the restaurant with his hand around your waist, protectively. It was hard not to say anything about this, about this warm, bubbly feeling in your belly, but you decided it wasn’t the right time.

Especially when there was a third wheel in Soap’s form that could very easily disturb your moment, or observe everything, which would make the whole situation awkward. But, that feeling slowly melted away.

Your curiosity was bigger than trying to act like nothing happened. Your nature was just begging .

“Personal protection?” you asked in a low tone, glancing at him after ten minutes on the road. His eyes automatically went to you, and when he raised an eyebrow, confused a bit, you chuckled. “That hand on the corner of the table? And your hand on my waist?”

“Drunk ones need protection,” he murmured, shrugging. So casually, like it was nothing , even if you could feel the chemistry between you two, even in the car, when your gazes were crossed.

You tried to hide your amusement at his words. Like he tried to cover his care to not ruin the “big man from the military” facade. “Mhm. Whatever you say.”

“Callin’ me a liar, dove?”

You had to take a breath; his low tone, eyes on you, didn’t help. If it would only depend on you, you’d kiss him without thinking twice, but the enigma this man was, you had to hold yourself back.

Scaring him wasn’t even an option, not when you just got closer to him. Good things needed time and you were willing to give him all the time he needed.

“Just agreeing with you,” you replied, nudging him with your elbow. Simon raised his eyebrow, scoffing under his nose.

“Whatever you say,” he mimicked you.

You didn’t comment on this - just chuckled and looked out of the window, to appreciate the view.

Outside got really overwhelming for you though, when keeping your eyes open started feeling like a challenge - the aftermath of today and the last couple of days. Twelve hours of work with animals, stress coming up with a few operations you had to do and this gala just got to you, the want of a simple rest. And this alcohol in your system wasn't helping in this situation.

It could even put you to sleep more.

So, you just closed your eyes, trying to get them to rest for a moment, as you thought about today. You thought about the beauty of the old casino, all the people that were here, but most and for all, you thought about Simon Riley.

How he wanted to hide his little smile under this balaclava, but you caught it anyway, since you were aware that he was proud of himself. Being awarded in front of all those sergeants, captains, generals, knowing that you’re doing a damn good job and they could only be jealous. His special force, whatever he served in, was blessed to have him.

And God, you couldn’t get rid of the image of his eyes. His dark brown eyes, sparkling under that warm, orange light when he came to you after his medal was proudly put on his chest. Simon didn’t even look at anyone else in the room thanking him, his gaze was only on you, and for a few seconds, you thought you’re gonna kiss this man in a form of silent “congratulations”.

This would be a great idea, if you’d have more courage and knowledge that he won’t push you away in front of all these people. You didn’t, so you stuck just to a compliment and a smile; a kiss could come later, in the right moment, where you’d handle the possible disappointment of him telling you “no”.

After all, he was still an enigma. Puzzles to solve, where you lacked several of them, and even if you saw the whole picture, those pieces were needed to see the details.

Thoughts transformed into dream, ruined by sudden touch under your knees and on your neck; you opened your eyes wide, just to be welcomed with a quick, smooth sssh like it was supposed to calm you down. It kinda did, considering you estimated the situation slowly, acknowledging that you were right in front of your apartment. Simon handled the situation with you in his arms, as you were hugged to his chest with his jacket on you.

“Your number?”

"Hey, you can… put me down. I have legs, you know. And I'm heavy, and-"

His huff interrupted your blabbing, as you raised your eyebrow, almost offended by his behavior. "Y'think that you're heavy? Try to lift a dead man thrice your weight, completely on your own, then we'll talk. Not to mention, with military gear, so he was probably even heavier."

Well, in this comparison, you really seemed like a feather for Simon. He was big himself, full of muscles, he lifted heavier things, people, than you. "…drastic. But, I'll take it."

“Mhm. Your number?” he repeated the question, looking at you with urgency.

You sighed, defeated. “114b. Fourth floor, you have a lift if you’re gonna turn left right now.”

“Got it, dove.”

As uncomfortable it was for a few seconds, you got used to your presence on his arms. It was almost like you were the right fit for him, the way his arm easily fit under your knees. The difference between you two was pretty visible too, considering that his palm was almost the size of your head. A couple of inches and it would be there .

You couldn’t help but think of other places where you could compare him to you. A familiar heat appeared on your cheeks and you tried not to look at your company for a few seconds, ashamed.

“You never gave me a dance, actually,” you murmured. Almost inaudibly; a bit of shame went through you. It was better to ask these questions when you were wasted like shit, not when you were sobering up a little.

“A dance?” He raised his eyebrow, looking at you with confusion. Visible one, as he tilted his head, stopping right in front of your door.

“Something that you do on occasions like this one, you know.” You shrugged, as you grabbed your key from the purse, giving it to him. After turning it two times, you two entered the apartment.

“You sound disappointed,” he remarked, as he put you down, eyes observing you carefully. It seemed like he wanted to make sure, and it made the whole thing awkward even more.

“No, it’s…” you shook your head, praying to lord or whoever was listening to you, to make him drop the topic. You had enough humiliation today, you didn’t need another one.

Especially with something trivial, where your thoughts just flew out of your mouth before you even acknowledged the meaning behind them. The possible consequences of scaring him away because you wanted too much and he wasn’t the type to dance with someone.

Or to be closer with someone, in that matter.

To your surprise though, he took a few steps in your direction. “Do you want to dance with me?”

His ask made you gulp; you wanted to say that he’s not obliged to do this, lie that you don’t want it, but the look in his eyes… you just couldn’t lie. “I want to, but you probably have…”

“…just shut up”, he murmured, as he located his hands on the small of your back. Big hands, making you feel ridiculously small in comparison. “Play the music you like. From the phone, even.”

Despite feeling awkward, you picked out a song to play in the background; something slow, something that you can sway to, without being too pressed about making this perfect. Honestly, you just wanted his arms around you with good music to it, where the worries would simply go away. You thought he would have this effect on you.

And he had, despite being a little clumsy in dancing - you didn’t care about instructing him from time to time, as long as you had your head against his chest, eyes closed for a moment. You wanted to drown yourself in that pleasure, melt and never let go of this warmness that he gave you so easily.

You wondered if he was always this hot, a walking heater, or it was just tonight.

”My dance abilities are mortifyin’,” he sighed, right to your ear. Hot breath made you shudder a bit, as you acknowledged how close he actually was to you. Chest to chest level, level where you wouldn’t expect him to be.

The closest you were… was that one moment back in the clinic - you slipped, and he caught you. Things were different back then, more stiff and official than it was when he danced with you, not only because you knew a bit more about him.

You never would’ve thought that it’s possible to maintain contact with him, not with a man that felt like a ghost among others. Ghost that probably never looks back, never interacts with someone more than a couple of times, just for his egoistical needs. For a sense of calmness that he probably hasn't experienced in a long time because of his job - without people, in his own apartment, he had it. Maybe for a brief moment, but you were pretty sure that he had it somehow.

Surprisingly, iit got to the point that you went to a military gala with him, it got to the point where he recommended you a mechanic, it got to the point where you met his comrades. Completely accidentally, but still. For some reason, you felt like something was working for the first time, and you couldn’t be more happy; it felt like you tamed him, if a man like him was capable of that. Of becoming… a home cat. Home cat that scratches you from time to time, but he’s around anyway.

You got him to trust you enough. If it wasn’t a gift, you didn’t know what it was.

“You’re doing great, actually,” you chuckled under your breath, hands comfortably around his neck. Eyes locked with his rich brown, staring so carefully into yours, like he was trying to see something between them; and you’d let him, if only he wanted to.

Simon’s lips opened for a moment, until it quickly closed again with a curse, his foot crashing yours

You hissed with pain, your teeth biting into your lower lip. This man had power in his legs without even trying , you could only guess how strong it could be if he’d do it on purpose.

Simon tried to back off, but you didn’t let him, your fingers snaking around his hand to let him know that you, pretty much, didn’t care.

“That much of doin’ great, dove,” he sighed, looking down at you. “Not made for dancing.”

“You’re made for other activities, though. Sure of that,” you whispered out, as you wrapped your hands around his neck again when his hands got back at your waist. The innuendo, completely not planned by you, hit you the moment he raised his eyebrow with curiosity. The spark in his brown eyes was evident, when the heat of your words dawned on your cheeks. “I didn’t mean it that way—”

“—surely.” He chuckled, tilting his head to the side. You wondered how he was so cocksure all the time; was he like this from the start, or something, someone shaped him this way? “Tell me, would you like to test it? My other activities ?”

You were pretty sure that if he wouldn’t drop the attitude he had, you’d faint on spot. “You’re so insufferable, Riley. I swear to God. Should we stop dancing, then?”

Something ignited in him when you said that; he didn’t waste any more time, just started slowly swaying with you again. “And they are tellin’ me that I don’t have sense of humour.”

“Well. Maybe it's the elite one,” you snickered. As you felt a sudden wave of fatigue going through your body, you rested your cheek against his chest, hoping that he wouldn’t say a thing about you doing this again . Or, wouldn’t push you off, at least. “You could tell me some, if you want to. Jokes, I mean.”

“Could I…” he muttered. His grip around you tightened more, his hands going up and down your spine, making you feel at home in his arms. You suddenly didn’t need a bed to rest, a couch or anything else. Simon’s arms were enough. “Maybe I could. But I don’t know if you have ‘elite humour’, you know.”

“I might have, if those jokes aren’t about Americans being the worst people alive,” you chuckled, looking up at him with a smile, when you heard that he laughed too.

“They are, though.” He shrugged, locking eyes with you again. “But you’re the exception to the rule, dove.”

[softxsuki]

Hello! I'm actually very new to you but I recently read your post about the bestfriend!reader who finds out they can't have children and i really did put me in a rollercoaster of emotions. I was hoping to request headcanons for JJK. Basically comforting fem!reader after she has a panic attack. I experienced my first one 3 weeks ago and it was really terrifying. I think the cause for mine was so much stress I had on myself and I was hoping you could do that! If you can, thank you so much. <3

Gojo, Itadori, and Nanami Comforting Reader During Her Panic Attack

Pairings: Gojo x Fem!Reader, Itadori x Fem!Reader, Nanami x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of crying, panic attacks, feeling of impending doom/death, rapid breathing, rapid heartbeats, hospital visit

Genre: Comfort

Post-Type: Headcanons

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: In which the guys comfort you after you have a panic attack from being so stressed

[A/N: Hey! Welcome to my blog, I hope you're enjoying it here :D. I'm sorry you had a panic attack, I hope it hasn't happened again! But I know what it's like, I had this super bad panic attack one day after going to this urgent care. They told me my heart was beating irregularly so they advised me to go to the hospital. The whole time my mom was driving me there I had my first panic attack and I felt like I was having a heart attack (bc of what the dr said lol) so that made it worse. My hand was going numb and stiff, I was breathing super hard, I WAS A MESS. Thankfully I was fine. My heart is fine, I'm completely healthy :) But I did have a few more pretty bad panic attacks after that, whenever I tried to exercise or anything that made my heart beat fast. It was terrible, so I just hope you're okay. Hopefully you enjoy these headcanons and they bring you some comfort! Have a wonderful day and thanks for your patience <3 ]

Gojo:

Our immature king actually handles your panic attack very well

He knows how stressed you’ve been for the last few weeks and figured it would all catch up to you eventually, and that’s exactly what happened as you were having a full blown panic attack while the two of you were on your way to dinner

Gojo wordlessly pulls his car over, unbuckles his seat belt and turns to unbuckle yours as well

He pulls his blindfold down so you can see his eyes which you love so much, hoping they help ground you or at least distract you away from your panic attack

“Hey hey, deep breaths. It’s okay I’m here, you’re okay, just look at me darling”

He’s leaning completely over the armrest console so his face and his presence are closer to you, but not close enough to make you feel panicked and claustrophobic

Gojo makes it clear that he understands what you’re feeling and going through and relays that to you so that you know you’re not dying or in any danger, your body is just reacting to all your stress that had built up over time and this was the way it decided to manifest itself

If you’re breathing rapidly, he’d take one of your hands and squeeze it reassuringly, bringing it to his chest so you can feel how he’s breathing and follow along as best as you can

He’s surprisingly very patient and well put together despite his usual childish aura, he knows it's time to be serious

He doesn’t even care that you’ll be late to you dinner reservation, McDonalds is more comforting anyway and maybe it would be best if you both just head back home and eat some comfort food under the covers along with watching a comfort movie as well

He doesn’t let go of you until you’re completely calm–the traffic of cars drive past your car that’s still parked neatly on the side of the road; the hazard lights blinking rhythmically, which strangely seems to help ground you too

You’re finally able to slow your breathing and your heartbeat also slows down, making you sigh in relief

Only then does Gojo go back to his care-free self

He’d probably say something stupid to make you smile and then turns the car around to go back home because he’s in the mood for takeout (but we all know he’s going back because he wants you to be where you’re comfortable)

He parks the car a little far away from your home and you both take a light walk in the cool of the night, the wind caressing your face, making you feel relaxed, glad to not be feeling like you were going to die at any moment

But as soon as you get home with Gojo, he’s making everything cozy as he instructs you to change into some more comfortable clothes and the rest of the evening is spent in bed with great food and all your favorite movies

He probably would never bring up the panic attack unless you bring it up first and if you did then he’d be ready to talk it out with you and give you his support moving forwards so it doesn’t happen again

But if it does, he wants you to know that he’ll be nearby to always help you calm down again so you never have to go through that alone  

Itadori:

Itadori is another one who can be fairly immature, but serious when he needs to be

He’s a passionate guy and once he has something to fight for, he puts his 100000% into it

In this case, he puts his all into caring and loving you

So when he sees you hunched over once day gasping for air and crying on the floor, he instantly goes in defense mode

It takes him a while to really understand what’s going on with you: Did someone hurt you? Are you okay? What’s happening?

It doesn’t help that you tell him you can’t breath and feel like you’re about to die

So, he does what any worried person would do–he brings you to the hospital…

And thankfully the health professionals see you right away and do all their mandatory tests like an EKG and blood work, which all come back normal, and that helps you calm down a lot quicker

Itadori stays in your hospital exam room with you the whole time, seriously worried that something was wrong with you, but your normal results just baffle him even more. Then what was wrong with you?

The Doctor informs you that you had a panic attack and says there’s nothing you need to worry about, and this all starts to make a lot more sense for you and Itadori

Itadori feels a little stupid and guilty because his worry and sudden decision to take you to the hospital probably made you feel even more scared, but he’s just glad you’re okay

“I should have known, I’m sorry Y/N…”

Just reassure him that it’s okay, if anything you were glad that you saw a doctor because the normal results actually helped you calm down a lot faster than if you were to just stay at home and calm down on your own

He does make a mental note of this occurrence though to make sure that he’s well prepared if this ever happens to you again

Once you’re fully discharged from the hospital you both go home

He becomes extra clingy for the rest of the day, keeping an eye on you to make sure you’re calm and happy

I think he’d be a little on edge for the next few days so just give him a little time go back to his usual self

He loves you a lot and so having the thought that he might have lost you for that short moment, really terrified him, so be a little patient with him

If this ever happens again, he’d be a lot calmer since he’d know how to deal with it and calm you down instead of thinking of the worst

Nanami:

Nanami of course handles your panic attack like a pro

He had arrived home on time like he always does, making sure he got his usual time to spend with you before having to sleep and repeat his tiring day all over again 

But something was different–you didn’t greet him at the door like you usually did when he came home and he knew something was wrong

He calls out to you, but that’s when he hears your loud breathing and crying coming from the bedroom, so he rushes to you

You’re on the floor clutching your chest as you gasp for air, desperate, fear filled tears run down your face as you struggle to feel the oxygen reach your lungs

Nanami knows exactly what’s happening BC HE’S SMART, so he gets to work on helping you calm down

Joins you on the floor where he reaches over to rubs small circles into your back, not wanting to jump on you all at once and make you feel worse, but still wanting to announce his presence to you

He slowly eases his way closer to you until he’s right beside you, one hand still on your back as his other reaches for the hand that is gripping your chest

Wordlessly, he brings you closer to him where he hugs you to his chest, lowly mumbling reassurances into your ear, the deepness of his voice vibrates into your ears and through your whole body as you try to listen to his words

Through your sobbing, you focus on his words that try to distract you along with the beating of his heart you can hear as you’re pressed up against his chest in his firm, yet comforting embrace

He rocks back and forth gently, being very patient with you, after all he was still spending time with you and he was glad to have you in his arms, even though he hated the reason why you were curled up into him

Whether it takes seconds, minutes, or hours, he remains still with you in his arms until you move away first, a lot calmer than you were when he first came home

He’s instantly relieved to see you almost back to your normal self

He invites you up onto the bed, taking your hand as he guides you up and into a comfortable position, pressing a warm kiss to the top of your head

Not wanting to leave you alone just yet though, he quickly changes his more comfortable, clean clothes and joins you in bed, making a mental note to wake up a bit earlier so he could shower before leaving for work in the morning

Your panic attack was draining and and body heat of the man next to you combined with your exhaustion lulls you to sleep in no time

If he had to, Nanami would call out of work if you needed him to stay with you for the day, but either way, he would be talking it out with you the next day–he’d make sure of it

He wants to know why this happened and once he knows why, he’d work extra hard to figure out how to prevent your panic attack from happening again, or at least finding some effective ways on how to get you out of it quicker (yes he will put all his effort into anything for you, you’re not work, you receive 1000% of him)

But until then, he holds you tightly, watching your peaceful face as you sleep and presses one last kiss to your face before drifting off as well

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 10/11/2022 (shhh pretend like it's not past midnight lol)

[lefluoritesys]

Hi! Random question but what's the funniest/most awkward situation you have ever been in with a headmate/headmates? Also, I love your Tumblr. It helps us through a lot of system denial :)

Thank you so much!! We're glad to hear that, we try our best to make it a safe and positive space!!

I don't think we have stories that people would count as incredibly funny, however, we have a few that stand out to us as at least amusing, lmao. And awkward... don't even get me started.

I (co-host) keep texting people trying to make friends, and don't ask nor tell anybody. And then I just dip. I think it's a pretty effective strategy. :D

The amount of times somebody told us something that we know we would have memorized by hard. Like when we're supposed to have our lessons. And then we'd switch, be asked about it, and don't know the answer as to what that thing was. It puts us in such awkward situations IRL cause of our parents.-

Today, remember the couple that went on a date? One of them had to front to take our sibling to their classes, and they were sulking, so our co-host & persecutor-caretaker had to keep their composure when their partner, from the inner world, said our sibling looks like an offended ostrich.

We got berated for eating the host's chips. We now have a policy about eating chips. Because people ate their bag of chips...

One of the funniest stories were probably with one of our alters who went mostly inner now, though. They once purchased a premium on an app we use a lot without telling anybody, and at the time, we could buy a whole McDonald's meal for that amount of money. Then, we put them in charge of English classes, and they were definitely working, but their way of working was roasting everything and cracking some of the most hilarious jokes we've ever heard. That same alter then offered our mother cyanide.

Some of the things we say are so fucking funny that we made a quote book. For ourselves. And our partner systems. There, we not only have hilarious quotes, but some of the funniest roasts we've ever seen, one of our favorites being:

Host: It's kinda funny how I can do everything alone at front, and y'all have to do it collectively when I'm not around.

Co-host: Nah, we're just healthy.

Our co-host sprained our foot. And called the bandage on it "foot prison." I am not elaborating on their behalf. /laughing

In the inner world, we have this thing where we can track people and where they are at that point in time (especially our robots can do that), and sometimes people decide to play tag. And since our inner world is our inner world, what we basically see is a dot (that represents a person you're watching) telelporting from point A to point B to point E in a matter of seconds. Which doesn't sound funny, but picture it, lmao.

The number of posts we made that were purely targeting each other is insane. And you will never know that they are targeted unless we say something, we are sneaky like that.

At some point some people in the inner world discussed fucking Jesus?? And I mean doing the deed, not the "fucking Jesus." We still have no idea who or why.

And then another two people, whose names we know, discussed our partner system's semi-sentient hotel and what its type would be. In detail. And who they could pair it up with.

Our host is still salty at one of our prosecutors because they bought them cocoa instead of coffee, didn't tell them, and our host couldn't figure our why the coffee was sweet but tasted well, considering we hate coffee with sugar. And then they realized.

Our host address purple so much that now all of us gotta keep up with the idea what "we, a singlet, definitely a singlet (/s), love purple so much" because explaining to our bio family that we don't like it anymore but we also do but also don't would be too difficult for a number of reasons.

One of us can just decide that it's chicken nuggets day, and we will have chicken nuggets for lunch. Not because we don't want to upset this somebody by refusing but because we'd literally switch on the streets halfway to chicken nuggets, stare at the distance for a couple of seconds, and accept our fate.

We generally talk to ourselves in public constantly, we have no shame about that, especially since it's mostly in English, which is not our first language. That got us a lot of looks. We also do that in VCs with our partner system, and we openly switch in front of them and talk about inner world shit.

Hope that gave you a few laughs. /g /pos

-host, co-host & persecutor-caretaker, sexual persecutor

[justagirlsearchingforamuse]

hi! can u pls write sean x fem reader hcs of how he shows affection and him taking care of his s/o on her period <3

• Sean is somewhat awkward about affection but he tries so hard to be casual and chill when he does.

• For example, his favorite thing is to hold your hand and he'll do it often, when you're both walking home, chilling and smoking a bowl, or whenever you guys are together.

• He also loves resting the back of his hand against your cheek, he'll often do it before kissing you. Or whilst taking to you and it's guaranteed to make you flush different shades of red or smile warmly at him.

• Also, loves to kiss your cheeks especially after joking around with you or when he's showing you off.

• He loves to show affection when you both are just hanging out, in each other's arms and familiar embraces.

• "Your hair looks really cute today, babe ..." His fingers would caress your smooth and soft locks of hair before bringing you closer into his arms.

• For my weed smokers and stoners, he'll share whatever he's smoking with you regardless of if it's his last.

• "You can have the first hit." Handing you the lit cigarette as he would watch you take a few puffs of the cigarette, admiring your smooth and soft lips.

• "Come on, don't hog it all, babe." He'd chuckle before you'd hand it to him, he might kiss you in between cigarettes smokes. But he prefers to hold your hands.

• He tries to show affection in small doses or in comforting ways, he's your best friend before he's your boyfriend.

• As your bestfriend and boyfriend, he could sense something was off with you, visiting you after school.

• You both usually walked each other home or took the bus together but you haven't been feeling it too much.

• Been asking your parent to take you to school and when you'd meet up with each other, you'd be kinda moody and you didn't have to energy to do much.

• "hey, what's been up with you, bby? been really moody and shit lately?" he had texted you earlier that morning.

• "just haven't been feeling shit recently. also I know the kettle ain't calling the pot black?" you wrote back, an irritated expression on your face.

• "I'm not that moody. 🙄 but gonna come over after school. could smoke a bowl? 😏" he wrote back.

• "whatever, drama queen, lol. also pls do. haven't had any in a while. also will have the munchies so get something for us to eat, pls bby. 😫" you wrote back, smiling at your phone.

• "what u want? mcdonalds? some candy and shit? also just thought about it I think i know what you're dealing with. if you want could buy a heating pad but you gotta pay me back." he wrote, sighing to yourself, you begin to write back.

• "at least I didn't have to tell you. also, pls bby and thank you. I love too much. 😣" you wrote back, a short chuckle leaving your lips.

• He of course comes over, gets you fed and comfy, he makes sure you have a lot of blankets, snacks, and plenty of cuddles.

• Possibly watching Netflix shows and movies a few of those days when you're on your cycle.

• Don't ask him to go shopping for feminine products tho. This man has never had to buy pads, tampons, and doesn't know much about how it works.

• "Babe, could you buy me some pads, please? 🥺"

• "Sorry but can you explain it to me. Have literally never had to buy pads."

• "It's not that hard, tho. Pls. 🥺🥺🥺"

• "I'll try but I will need help, baby."

• Inserts him in the store staring cluelessly at all the feminine products and it's probably been about 20 minutes when it should've been 10 minutes at most.

• "Tf is wings? Like tf you need wings for?"

• "I just need them, pls. But if you must know it keeps everything from spilling out."

• "TMI. 😭"

• "You asked."

• "I regret asking. Still looking for your feminine products."

• He spends 20 minutes in the store just to come out with something wrong and Sean would probably be facepalming.

[doubleshotofsomething]

To Hell & Back

Part Two: “Lucky for me, your kind of heaven’s been to hell & back”

Summary: You still hate Bucky. But you need him to keep you from going to jail... So, what’s the harm in inviting him over to dinner?

Prompt: “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.”

Warnings: Angst?? (i think). Probably typos( which will be fixed). Implied violence. 

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader

--

Part one [In case you missed it]

----

It's Saturday.

Your day off. Well, what used to be your day off until it was turned into a family therapy session.

Well... Not an actual therapy session. It is literally just dinner with your family, including your sister's husband - a man you refuse to identify as your brother in law for reasons that will end in you being called the j-word. The husband, because he's the only son-in-law your parents have, has been dubbed the "referee" of the Saturday Sessions.

Each session, since you've been discharged, has made committing murder seem more and more appealing.

So appealing, that you're standing in front of your neighbour's door with a basket of muffins and a please-keep-me-from-committing-felonies smile.

Bucky, because he just spent the afternoon searching for a new bar, is standing on the other side of the door. Both confused and frightened to see you at his door voluntarily.

"Is there a bomb in that basket?" He asks, eyes roaming over you suspiciously. "Believe me, it's not gonna work."

You blink at him, then at the basket. Then back at him. "Why would I put a bomb in a muffin basket and then hold it?"

He raises a sceptical eyebrow at you.

You huff. "Fine, they're poisoned. I accidentally added laxatives while making them-"

"Accidentally?"

"Yes, accidentally-" you glare at him. "-they're not for you. They're from us."

He blinks at you, confused. You haven't spoken to him, actually spoken to him, for a few months. You avoid him like he has a disease and when your paths do cross, you just glare at him like he threw your cat into on coming traffic.

It's been a few days since the coffee machine incident. He has a brand new one - better than the last one - sitting on his kitchen counter, waiting for him to develop the courage to give it to you. It should be easy. He has mastered the art of making amends.

But... He can't, for some reason, bring it to you.

"Wait-" he frowns, your words finally registering in his head, "-did you just say from us?"

You set the basket down. "So, remember when you broke my one shot at happiness?"

"Oh god." He forgot how dramatic you are, as well.

"Yeah, you can fix that little error by being a doll and-" you pause, then frown, struggling to find the right words.

"Muffin poisoned your tongue?"

"I'm trying to ask you to be my plus one for tonight's dinner-" you grit your teeth, your blood beginning to boil. "-at my parents house."

You didn't look him in the eye when you said that. And by the sounds of it, he doubts this is something he should be going to. Or something you should be going to. Not if it brings out this side of you.

"Who are the muffins for?"

They were for your sister. You broke her nose last week, which was never your intention, and the guilt has been eating you up alive since. The punch was meant for her asshole husband.

"You coming or not?"

"Let me grab a wine and the keys."

"We have muffins. No need to waste your good wine on mediocre tastes."

"I'm bringing the wine."

"If you make us stop to pick out flowers, I will watch porn with the volume on full blast every night for a week."

"Why are you always so violent?"

--

"So, how bad is it?" Bucky asks.

You've been in the car for a half an hour, because you chose the busiest route and the most congested during rush hour, and that's the first thing either of you have uttered since you politely dragged him out of his apartment.

You shrug. "Three roads lead to this one, so we'll be here another half hour."

"I mean the situation-" he drums his fingers against the wheel. "-you literally chose to be in a car with me, for the longest time possible. Either you want to get there late or you don't want to get there at all."

"Maybe I just like spending time with you."

Bucky scoffs, but doesn't question you further.

The car is silent, aside from the traffic outside, and you could almost relax. For just a moment, you could close your eyes and imagine you're somewhere else.

But you can't. Because you're not. You're on your way to a dinner that shouldn't be happening and is only happening because you're part of your neighbour's redemption list.

Because he just had to have a conscious.

"I punched my sister last week," you mumble.

Bucky wants to laugh. He wants to laugh so badly. He has met your sister, a handful of times - at the hospital, outside your room and outside your apartment door.

Every time she'd come over, she would knock hard enough to make him think she's part of SWAT team. And each time, he would could hear you scramble to switch off all devices that could alert her of your presence inside.

One time, you'd both arrived a few minutes after each other. His door was closer and already open, so you shoved your grocery in his hand and dived into his apartment to hide from your sister. He had to pretend he hasn't seen you since you left for work , and that the packet of sanitary pads that fell out were for his girlfriend.

He didn't have one.

He wants to laugh, because he doesn't like her at all. But he doesn't, because she's your sister. "What did she do?"

"She married an asshole-" you scoff. "-and decided to get in the way and I tried to punch said asshole."

At this, he grins. "And you need me there because?"

"I need you to keep me from trying to kill him," you begrudgingly admit. "I'm too high maintenance for prison."

"How bad is this guy that you need me to help you not kill him?"

"Bad enough that I'm gonna need you to park a few blocks away from the house," you turn to look at him, his confused eyes meeting yours for a quick second. "I told them we're taking the bus."

"Wow."

"Which means we only get to spend less than two hours there, if you drive a little slow-" you pause when he drives passed a McDonald's. "-hey, can we stop and get milkshake?"

He deadpans. "We have dinner plans with your parents."

"I get that you and them might have gotten along since you decided to be a hero," you glare at him. "But they're not as cool as the hospital visits made them seem."

Your parents have invited him over to dinner a handful of times, and each time he had to decline. You and him weren't on the best of terms, and he didn't want to make things worse by showing up for dinner without your knowledge.

He knows, first hand, that a few interactions aren't enough to give the full depth of a person. But he saw how devastated they were, how heartbroken they were, at the sight of tubes and needles sticking out of you.

He doesn't believe, he can't believe, for a second that they're as bad as you say they are.

But he won't argue with you. Not about this. "We'll get milkshake after."

"Hey, remember that coffee machine you br-"

"Oh, fuck you!"

***

You're not a fan of wine. At least, not the wine Bucky brought to the dinner.

An hour into the dinner and you've already had enough glasses to have Bucky worried. The wine is halfway to empty by the time dessert rolls in, and when your sister's husband clears his throat, you abandon the glass and drink straight from the bottle.

The second hour into the dinner is where things got interested. Interesting enough for Bucky to take the bottle from you before you could throw it at someone's head. Mainly because he wanted to throw it at someone's head. Your sister's husband's head to be specific.

Just as your mother gets up to start making tea for the muffins you brought, Bucky is the first on his feet and the first to use the 'we have to get going before we miss the bus' excuse.

You grin at him, vision slightly hazy from the wine you drank on an empty stomach.

"Mhmm," you hum as you cling into him to get to your feet, "the bus. We gotta- the bus. Bah-yeee."

"I'll make sure she gets home safe," he promises to your parents and they believe him.

Hell, you believe him. If there's one thing you can trust your neighbour to do, it's to save your life. But not your coffee machine.

He guides back to the car, which is parked exactly where you told him to, and he's never been happier to have listened to you. You sing all the way back, some ridiculous song about when you're fat and old, and you're the most content he's ever seen you.

Drunk off wine, eyes glassy and smile wide, as you try to mimic his steps. You sigh when you get into your seat, even though you fight him on opening your own door, and fumble lazily with your seat belt until he helps you clip it in.

Your struggle to find a comfortable position, but forget all about that when he parks the car outside your favourite coffee shop. You're out before he can even unclip his seatbelt and you're inside before he makes it to the door.

"Hi," you whisper-yell as you lean against the counter. "Pssst. Hi. Hello."

The barista blinks at you. Bucky cuts in before he can get a word out. "We'll take coffee. Filter. And anything that's bread-"

"-don't listen to him, he breaks hearts for a living. Sometimes he rips them out." I jab your pointer finger against the countertop. "I will take the strongest coffee you've got. I'm in the mood for bad decisions and-"

"We'll be at the booth, in the back." Bucky gently pries you from the counter. "One coffee and two bottles of water-"

You try to smack his hands away. "Why must you be so- Barnes, I swear to god, I will take your parking space."

He shoves you into the booth, then takes a seat opposite you. You attempt to make a break for the counter, but the glare he fixes you with is enough to keep you in your place.

It should scare you. The look he gives you. You know what he is capable of, without mad scientists to control him, you know the damage he's done. It takes a special kind of strength to face people like the flag smashers, and a special kind of crazy to go after them.

Bucky is both. And yet, his glare doesn't scare you. So much so, that you return it.

"I hate your brother-in-law-"

"Sister's husband," you cut in to correct him. "I refuse to recognise him as my anything."

He nods. "Right. So, let me get this straight-"

Bucky pauses as the barista sets down the coffee, the water, two croissants, some breadsticks and a garlic roll. When he's satisfied that there's nothing else, he leaves you alone with Bucky and the breads.

"You got work tomorrow-" he puts sugar into your coffee and stirs, before handing it to you. "-so you're gonna need to eat as much, so that it absorbs all that wine."

You glare at him but still do as he says. He's right and you'd rather sulk than admit it.

"So," he clears his throat to get your attention. "Your sister is an asshole, that married an asshole. And your parents are enablers of all that bullshit?"

You nod, practically shoving the garlic bread into your mouth. You didn't touch the food your mother cooked and, other than that milkshake Bucky bought you, you haven't had anything to eat all day.

"Instead of just sending you to therapy-" he scrunches his face in disgust at the thought. "-I can't fucking believe I'm advocating for that, but instead of paying for therapy. They do that? Host a dinner, sit a circle and kumbaya the problems away?"

Taking a sip from your coffee, you continue to nod. "Is it helping?"

He frowns, meeting your eyes. "What?"

"The mandated sessions-"you swallow. "-I heard you and Wings talking about it."

Thin walls. Shared balconies. Despite not being in each other's life, both of you know more than enough because of your apartments.

Your balcony and his are separated by a small barrier, but you can still hear his conversations - and visa versa- if you leave your glass door open enough when he's out there.

The wall that separates your apartment is thin enough for him to pick up on your habits. You don't think you're a creature of habit, but he would disagree.

He can tell, just from your foot steps, what you're going to watch or do in the living room. From the little sounds you make, he can tell which series you're binge watching for the umpteenth time and which one is on just for background noise.

If you weren't a creature of habit, he wouldn't have found you in time. You wouldn't be sitting in front of him, asking about his wellbeing, instead of dealing with yours.

"Wings is Captain now," he corrects, and you accept the deflection.

You would never overstep, or push. Not with him. Never with him.

"If Captain, why Wings?"

Narrowing his eyes, he pushes the bread sticks closer to you. "Fine, Captain Wings."

Again, you obey the silent instruction.

"Where were we-"

"We were plotting an asshole's abduction," you tell him, "and then dropping him off at the bottom of the Atlantic ocean. If that's not available, then maybe near Dyer Island."

He raises an eyebrow at you. “Why would we drop your sister’s husband on an Island?”

"It's a place, with a shitload of great white sharks."

"And you know this because?"

"I like to always be prepared."

"For what?" His brows furrow. "Do you just know random places to dump people that–"

You cut in. "–will lead to an inevitable death by natural causes? Yes."

He stares at you. Actually stares. Openly, at you. He can't remember the last time he did that, looked at you, for no other reason than to just look.

You didn't always hate him. When he first moved into your apartment building, and the landlord introduced you too, you were indifferent. He didn't think you knew who he was, most people don't at first glance, so he was relieved. Indifference was definitely better than everything else.

That was until you walked passed him and Sam in the lobby of the building, a week after he moved in.

"Sarge–" you nodded at him, as you checked your mail. Then nodded at Sam as you made your way out of the building. "–Wings."

You knew, you always knew who he was, and just didn't care. That was refreshing, to say the least.

The hate only came that night, or the following morning, he wasn't sure. All Bucky knows is, he meddled, and now you hate him for it. For saving you.

He's tried to talk to you about it. Countless of times, he's tried, and each time you hate him a little bit more. Or so it seems.

He wants to talk about it now. It's obvious in the way he's looking at you, like he can't believe you're here, in front of him. You can't either, but you won't ever admit that to him.

Hell would sooner freeze over before you actually admitted that maybe, just maybe, he should have meddled sooner.

You won't. So, instead, you put down the bread stick and sit back. "I know a really cool coffee place... If you still need a new place to hang."

It's an olive branch. You don't ever say what you really mean, he knows that, and he smiles at that little fact. That he knows that, he knows you.

"Is the barista as dramatic as I hear?"

"Only to strangers that break down her doors," you shrug. "Oh, and guys who break her coffee machine–"

"You're never gonna let that go, are you?"

You grin. Because you're just as petty as he is.

---

Tags: @sunflowerxbarnes , @ginger-swag-rapunzel​ , @arctic-duchess​

[qianoir]

After Midnight 2 - Rhiannon

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: college dropout!Ten (WayV) x fem!reader

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: non-idol au, angst with fluff on top

𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: 13+

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: cursing (censored), lying, family problems, mentions death of reader's father, romance, this part determines the reader’s age but feel free to ignore

♡ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.5k

𝐓𝐚𝐠 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭: @staysstrays

Preview < 1 < 2

𝟏𝟎:𝟎𝟎 𝐀𝐌

Should I call him? No! What if it wasn't meant for me? Idiot, there was no one else in the café of course it was meant for you! What if it's a prank? It's probably the number to a McDonald’s or something. And if it's not..? What if he never comes into the café again?

You woke up in a freezing cold room with an acquainted boy named "Ten Lee" on your mind, contemplatively staring into his napkin before finally deciding to text him.

You typed the 11 digits into your phone.

Ok... now what do I say?

Hi Ten, this is Y/N from Décalcomanie.

Hi Ten, this is Y|

|

Why do I even care about this so much? It's just a text and for all I know this kid could be some kind of siren-vampire trying to seduce me with song lyrics at nighttime.. is that even possible?

Hi Mr. Lee this is Y/N from Décalcomanie.

Why so formal? Oh God I sent it..

It’s done.

You grabbed a towel and prepared a quick shower before continuing the rest of the morning. Intruding thoughts about Mr. Lee fill your mind under the water.. like.. why does he only visit the café at night? Your prior superstitious suspicions about him being a vampire fall back in mind.

At least if I get to be a vampire I can live this timeline as a doctor and make my mom happy, then be a dancer for eternity.

As much as you did not know about Ten, you still knew quite a bit about him. His favorite combination at the café is an iced Americano with pandan cake, his favorite color is black— you assume since it's the only color his outfits consist of, and he has a younger sister, which you found out after hearing him say 妹妹 over the phone one night.

The loud text notification sounds throughout the bathroom and you nearly slip trying to quickly finish your shower to check the new message.

Mom (Work)

My daughter! Your grandmother is sick, I am going to Incheon to bring her medicine and groceries so I need you to open the café today. I should be back to take over at 2 o’clock. Be careful on your own!

Unwrapping your body of your towel to dress into a nice outfit, you sighed knowing your Saturday would be another day spent on your sore feet. The café opens at 11 AM so you would only be working an extra few hours, but you hoped your mom would let you take a slice of delicacy home for the filial overtime.

“Aya!”

Another loud notification tone beamed from your phone, forcing your name brooch to prick at your fingertip. The screen luminated with an unknown number.

Contact Not Found

hihi Y/N! no need to be so formal with me! I'm only from ‘96 :)

Contact ‘TEN’ Added

TEN

are you free today? I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee and ice cream, if you're not sick of the smell yet ;p

You frowned remembering the plans your mother made for your day.

Y/N

I'm so sorry Ten my mom wants me to work opening for the café today :(

Figuring that was your ending, you packed a bag full of necessities for the day and walked to Décalcomanie.

TEN

why don't I come over there? the café serves bingsoo this time of year right? it’s barely the afternoon, not many people will be dining. we could still hang out if you’re down?

Butterflies soared in your stomach just like they do every night at 11:59 PM.

Y/N

Yeah that sounds perfect :)

TEN

okk see you soon!

Eek!

It felt so weird to think of seeing him in the daytime, especially after just mentally accusing him of being a bloodsucker.

Upon your entrance, the café was soon bright with morning light and you patiently awaited Ten’s arrival. Nearly an hour had gone by and there was no sign of him. You didn't think he would flake out, but you barely know each other so why wouldn't he?

Ten was right; it was pretty empty here this morning. You bent forward to hand one of the regular old women her tea in the Décalcomanie’s prettiest teacup upon your mother’s request of the best service for all of her regular customers.

The bell chimed with an open door. Your eyes blinked to the woman's upturned phone by her saucer.

𝟏𝟏:𝟓𝟗 𝐀𝐌

Could it be? You laughed at the irony in the thought, but when you looked up from the woman’s table, a rice cake cheeked boy stood across from you.

"I'm here!" He announced to the entire floor.

You bowed a greeting like you do for every customer and ushered him to the bar, "Sit down over here." where he sat in front of your standing form. "What type of bingsoo have you come in for, sir?" You teased.

"Coconut with vanilla ice cream! And.. two spoons?"

You blushed at the thought of sharing subtle intimacy with the fine young man before your eyes. You had only just met him, but you saw no harm in sharing a dessert with him as you would do with friends.. if you had them.

Nodding and running off to make the icy dessert, you heard the ripple of a writing pen. From the corner of your eye, peeked Ten orchestrating an English poem onto a stray napkin, his brown bangs falling on the bridge of his nose. These little actions made your heart jump; his passion for various styles of music felt so endearing to you.

You paid for the grandiose bowl of sugar and presented it to Ten. His phone lit up with a notification and you took notice of his wallpaper: Him with a disgusted looking boy that he was French kissing on the cheek. I'm not judging but.. whomst?

"Who's that?" You asked, handing him a spoon, taking another for yourself.

He glanced at his phone and blushed, breaking out in quiet giggles.

"That's my friend, Yangyang. We really enjoy our time together."

You hummed and smiled. They seem to have a good friendship, but you were still curious to know more about this Yangyang guy.

"So you attend university?" Ten asked before shoveling a high spoon of ice flakes into his mouth.

"I'm a sophomore at SNU." You replied, mirroring his bold eating style.

Ten spoke with surprised eyes, "Really!? That's a fancy school. Wow～ you must be really smart."

"Not really.. I'm studying dance. All I do is move my feet."

"I'm a dancer, too! It's a really hard and beautiful art, you shouldn't sell yourself short for being a part of it." He genuinely advised.

You looked down after thanking him for his kind words, suddenly feeling very bashful. "How old are you, by the way? You calling me Mr. Lee this morning is all I've been thinking about." You both laughed.

"I'm 20, turning 21 this year.” He nodded. "You're from ‘00? Yangyang is the same age as you!"  He exclaims.

"I’ve never met someone my age! How many friends do you have?"

"I have a few, but I’m closest to a specific six and we all live together."

"It must be nice to have so many friends. It’s been a little difficult for me to make friends this semester.." You stirred some melted ice cream around your side of the bowl, suddenly feeling very lonely in Ten’s personal presence.

"You should come over sometime! We love new friends!" He was pleading with his eyes for you to agree.

"Oh.. I don't want to intrude-" "No really! We would love to have your company. Here..." He flipped over the napkin he was previously writing on and scribbled a short address on it, sliding it over to you.

"You should come by tomorrow evening. 5 o'clock if it works for you." Ten says before finishing off the last bit of flavored dairy in the bowl.

You scanned over the inked napkin in your hand.

97 Saemunanro, Sinmunno 1 il-ga, Jongnogu, Seoul

"It's apartment number 117. Just call me when you get there because we may not be able to hear your knocks over the screaming." You looked at him in slight concern, but he only smiled in return.

Ten took out his card to pay for the bingsoo, but you stopped him. "Oh I already paid for the both of us!"

"Aww you didn't have to," Ten frowned, but handed me $20 anyways, "Here take this at least. A tip for my favorite barista." He winked and ran out of the café before you could protest.

"REMEMBER 5 O'CLOCK!"

Ten shouted, bumping into a man, who cursed at him, profusely bowing on the way out. You shook your head at his silliness and flipped the napkin over to a pretty poem.

She is like a cat in the dark and then

she is the darkness

She rules her life like a fine skylark

and when the sky is starless

To Be Continued…

Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac

𝘲𝘪𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘳

[kerie-prince]

We're Worlds Apart (6)

Draco Malfoy x American No-Maj!reader

series m.list | general m.list | previous chp

warnings: language, smoking (cigarettes), mentions of sexual activity (but no actual scenes), Blaise (you know what i mean <3)

summary: Draco Malfoy is a pureblood wizard. Magic runs through his veins and has been since his birth. You're a Wiccan No-Maj; a non-magical being with ordinary blood through your veins, but practices what you call magick. And this very practice upsets your neighbor.

a/n: would y'all be interested if i added a smut chapter? also fun fact! the little date bit where y/n thinks about her worst date is based on my real life experience. only we didn't go to mcdonald's, we went to in-n-out. and it was terrible

(gif cred)

Blaise Zabini.

This man was the walking definition of lust. Flirtatious, smooth, and most definitely a womanizer. He didn’t hide it in his actions and you didn’t care. He could break your heart and have you crying for weeks, but man, if he wasn’t gorgeous.

Blaise Zabini looked as if he was carefully molded by Aphrodite. A man almost too beautiful for the world, and you’re going on a date with him. He nearly knocked the air out of your lungs when he asked to take you out to the fanciest, most expensive restaurant in Buffalo. And who were you to say no?

The whole window incident was completely forgotten. He could see more if he’d like— “Hey Y/N?” Your employee brought you out of your thoughts. A soft blush was on your face as you tried to act like you weren’t thinking of your neighbors’ friend. “Uh, yeah, what’s up?”

“Did you want me to put the crystal beads in the front? They’ve been really popular today.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” You had a few more hours of your day left before going back home. You had called over two of your best friends to catch up and help you pick out an outfit for your date that coming Saturday. It was currently Thursday, but in case nothing in your closet was good enough, you’d at least have some time to go shopping with them. Which was probably going to happen anyway.

It was a really good day; it got really busy with customers and the usual nuisance was gone today. But no matter how busy it was, you still felt like time was passing by slowly. In all honesty, what you really wanted was to be able to see Blaise today even if it was for just a minute, just to say hi.

Your last date was six months ago and, well. If it went well, you wouldn’t be attending the date you were going to later on the weekend. It was a horrifying date; he took you to a fucking McDonalds on the first (and last) date, only paid for his own meal, and made weird sexual innuendos nearly the whole time. And the worst bit was that even though it was a terrible date, you decided to give him another shot by texting him saying that you’d like to go to another date and he never texted you back.

Blaise was only going to be around for a month, you know this. And you kinda felt bad for taking some of his time away from his best friend whom he was visiting for, but he asked you out. So, if he’s alright with it you should be, too.

After the store closed, you stayed an extra hour just to make sure everything was cleaned up and ready for tomorrow. As much as you were in a rush, you hated clutter and didn’t want to have to wake up earlier to clean. Most likely, your friends were gonna want to drink a little. Traffic home wasn't great, but once you got home you got exactly what you asked for.

Outside, Blaise stood against a wall smoking a cigarette on Draco’s porch. God, even the way he stands is hot you thought. He saw you pull in your driveway and put out the last of the bud onto the ashtray. Blaise made his way to you and your heart was beating hard. “Good evening, gorgeous,” he said in that mesmerizing British accent. I’d kill to hear that voice in the morning.

“Hello,” you sighed in contentment. He was about to say something before your friends pulled up next to your car. Internally, you groaned. You just had to hope they wouldn't say anything to embarrass you. Without taking the chance, you started thinking of a reason to excuse him back to Draco’s house but it was too late as your friends were already rushing to your side. Act normal, act normal, act normal—

“Hey Y/N, who's this?” Miranda probed. Her voice was suggestive and you caught how she looked Blaise up and down. Bianca, the shyest of the three stood aside and waved at him.

“Blaise, these are my best friends Miranda and Bianca,” your hands gestured to the girls by your side. “Guys, this is Blaise.”

He took their hands and kissed the top of them. “Well, you ladies have a goodnight. I’ll see you later, Y/N.” He winked at you before he left.

Miranda let out a sigh before she spoke, “God, you’re so lucky.” She started heading into your house and pulled out a bottle of wine from her purse. Yeah. I am.

—

Draco has no idea what he walked into.

Santa Marie’s was absolute chaos. There was nearly a horde of injured wizards and witches that he and his team had to help. People filled the waiting room and beds were constantly being changed for the next patient.

The worst bit of it was that no one had any memory as to what happened. “This is a really strong memory charm. Not as bad as how Lockhart was left, though. Any idea who could’ve done this?” Draco worked as he healed one person after the next. He’s been running around with Ian at his side.

“Not really. This is the first time I’ve ever seen anything like this. Hell, this is probably the first time anything like this ever happened at Santa Marie’s,” Ian pondered. It was true. Something like this hasn’t been seen in this hospital. But Draco wasn’t going to sit around and do nothing about it. He became Head Healer at Santa Marie’s for a reason and he was going to prove he deserves this position.

When he found a few minutes to himself, he called his landline at home to let Blaise and Theo know that he might not come home for the night. Theo was the one to answer the call and offered to take Draco some clothes if need be, but Draco already had a bag in his office just in case something kept him there. Guess today’s that day.

“Are you by yourself?” Draco asked.

“Yeah, Blaise left about twenty minutes ago,” Theo confirmed.

“Where’d he run off to? Not like he has other friends around,” Draco chuckled. He used the time to eat a sandwich from the cafeteria vending machine. Wasn't as filling, but he figured it’ll do for now until he would be able to eat an actual meal.

“Don’t you remember? Blaise got his date with… what’s her name again? The muggle, witch one, fuck if I know,” Theo said. That’s today? Draco had forgotten all about it. Of course, if he had remembered, he’d probably be distracted from his work today. Wait, why?

Theo regained his attention by calling his name multiple times thinking Draco had just hung up. “I’ll call you later. Still got loads of work to be done.”

“Hey, do you think they’ll do it-” Draco cut the call off before he could listen to the end of that sentence. Last thing he wanted on his mind while he worked was Blaise doing… things with you. It wasn’t because he liked you. You’re his neighbor and things could get pretty weird. It took months just to get along and have one engaging conversation.

And honestly, Draco still didn't like how you were a Wiccan. He may not understand what exactly it means, but it didn't matter. What would even happen if for some reason, Blaise actually showed you what real magic looks like? That was what really concerned Draco. Showing a muggle magic. He didn't know what those laws were like under the Magical Congress, but under the Ministry it was only allowed to show muggles magic and the wizarding world if it had the promise of marriage or you were a mudbl— muggleborn.

And Draco knew Blaise. His longest committed relationship was probably three months, so marriage is a definite no. Draco didn't know why he was even worried about it, it's just one bloody date. He figured that America made him soft as he stood ther overthinking about literally nothing. He was so immersed in his thoughts that he almost didn't feel Ashley flick his forehead. “Ow! That hurt!”

“I’d be worried if it didn't. You were standing there like a damn zombie. You ready to get back out there?” Ashley sassed. Draco scarfed the last of his sandwich and followed Ashley back to the emergency room. Ugh, I want this day to end.

—

It was the best date you ever had. You weren't in love or anything, but you were definitely tired out. The dinner was amazing and the conversations were engaging and interesting. But it's the events after the dinner that you remember.

Unlike boyfriends and girlfriends before, Blaise took his time with you. Slow, sensual and just perfect. It was quite suspicious, actually. What man is this perfect? There's something up. Weird foot fetish, secret Star Wars nerd. Or worse. Star Trek you thought.

Two days after the date, your best friends drove straight to your house after a single text was sent. There was no way Miranda and Bianca were going to read about the details on a phone screen, no. They wanted to hear the explicit details with their own ears.

“He did what?” Miranda nearly choked on the wine. There was a certain confidence in your aura. You slept with a man hand crafted by the gods and it was the best time of your life.

Bianca sat bashfully listening to your story, but she leaned forward to hear you better. “Little trashy for a first date, but who the hell cares? Ten out of ten, would definitely do again.” You smirked at the end of your corny joke. Your friends looked at each other and rolled their eyes. “Alright, we get it. What now, though? He's only here for a month. What's gonna happen now?” Miranda questioned.

“Dunno. But for now, I'm just having fun. At first, I thought it'd be weird since his friend isn't the most pleasant to live next to, but Blaise is different.” You could only assume they were different, but considering you were getting along way better you figured it was safe to assume they were.

“What does your neighbor even look like? I haven't seen him anywhere,” Bianca noticed. Now that you realize, you haven't seen your brooding neighbor in a couple days. Not that you cared. “Actually, I don't know. Work, probably,” you shrugged your shoulders as you brought your wine glass to your lips.

“Where does he work?” Miranda asked.

“In the emergency room at a hospital,” you answered.

“Oh. You know where?” Miranda kept at it. “No, we don't really talk much. Took me nearly six months to even find out that he even talks, let alone what he does for a living.” Just as you were about to take another sip, a certain black car was pulling up.

From afar, you could see the dark circles extremely prominent under Draco’s eyes and noticed him wearing the same clothes he left the house in a couple days ago. You actually pitied him, but admired him at the same time.

Being a doctor is no easy task, and here was one across the yard working day and night to help people. “Is that him?” Bianca noticed him from out the window. You nodded in response and took another sip of wine.

“I'm moving to England. There's no way that they have this many attractive men. Watch me pledge allegiance to the Queen, I don't care,” Miranda rambled. You laughed at her in response. “You said there's another person visiting him?”

“Yeah, why?” you quirked an eyebrow. “What does he look like?” Miranda looked at you with wide, hopeful eyes. You shrugged your shoulders, “Haven't seen him yet. Never comes out but I think I heard him once in the backyard.”

After a couple hours of talking and laughing, the two best friends decidedly went home and called you once they arrived safely. The night was chilly and the sky was clear. You admired the sunset and the orange and purple hues in the sky from the bench of your porch. If you could, you'd paint the scenery.

The sound of a door opening made you look to the side and saw Draco pulling out a cigarette. He looked around and once his eyes landed on yours, he reached in his pocket for the lighter. Once it was lighted, he took a deep inhale and let the smoke out with a long puff.

“Long couple days?” you asked from across. He took another puff before he started walking to the fence separating your yards. You did the same and leaned against it next to him. “Feel like shit,” he said under his breath.

“You look like shit,” you commented. Draco glared at you and you laughed at him. It took him a couple seconds to drop his glare and then he started laughing as well. When you looked at him, you noticed how his eyes crinkled and how bright his smile was. It was the first time you'd ever seen him like this and it made you feel a bit warmer inside. You remembered how when he'd first moved in, all you wanted was to be friends with your new neighbor and have moments like this.

The silence lasted a while when your laughters died down. He finished the last of the cigarette and stepped on it as you just stood and wandered into nothing. Whether it was an awkward silence or not, you didn't know. But considering you were comfortable, maybe it wasn't.

You looked at your neighbor and reached one of your hands out to him. Draco looked confused, like he once did when you first went to his door and reached for a handshake. He stood still as he expected you to say something. The expression spoke for him so you finally explained yourself, “Friends?”

Draco seemingly thought about it, eyes going back and forth from your hand to your eyes. He then looked at his house for some reason and met your eyes again. Hesitantly, he shook your hand, “Friends.”

This was going to be an odd friendship for sure, but after months of trying, a friendship began.

—

next chp

(っ◔◡◔)っ taglist: @beiahadid @malfoy-styles-wife @fivenightslaughter @juneballoon999 @leydileyla @fangirlanotherjust @originalsoulcollector @opiomancy @lipstickandloveletters @ninacotte @daedric-sorceress @frecklesandfirecrackers @hahee154hq @disartrous @oh-those-barricade-boys @lunalovecroft

[harvestdew]

Do you have any specific seb headcanons? I feel like most everyone has at least one or two about their sdv spouse; but if you're more interested in giving a kiki and seb character dynamic analysis like you did for haley, abigail, and shane I'd be SUPER into that too

I LOVE SEBASTIAN i’m glad you’re interested in hearing about their dynamic! i like when people talk or ask me about this stuff so i get irrationally happy when people are interested in my oc or my opinions of characters in the game. again i’ll put it under a read more since i don’t want to clog people’s dashboards up! also here’s a quick sketch of him i did as a little treat

sebastian headcanons

i always thought and still think he’s asian (like me and kiki) because of his dark hair. i know people say he dyes it but whatever

he’d probably like sanrio even if not openly? i think he might be embarrassed since ppl assume sanrio’s for kids but he’d especially like keroppi because he likes frogs

he’s GOTH (and to some extent punk) not an e-boy people need to stop calling him an e-boy i’m begging you because if you saw e-boy culture on tiktok you know they’re the legit antithesis of him and he would probably hate/make fun of them with sam and abigail

my dude wears glasses but only when he’s alone in his room which is why if you took him out to get food he wouldn’t be able to read the menu at mcdonalds

he’s naturally good with cats in the same way he’s good with frogs. he’s one of those people who doesn’t even know but cats just seem to really like them for no explainable reason

definitely plays minecraft. no ifs ands or buts. he is not ashamed in it and neither should you

i don’t think his hair was intentionally supposed to be longer on one side.  i think he grew his hair out once in high school and then tried to cut it but cut off too much on one side but when he saw how edgy it looked he went idk this kinda looks nice and left it

i don’t know if anyone knows about the games yume nikki and ib but he’d like those types of games a lot. and in the context of him being a programmer, he’d probably code something similar to the premise of that game. very deep but also kinda confusing games

i don’t think he hates maru. she specializes in STEM just like he does and a lot of their interests align imo. i like to think sometimes they help each other out whether it be with maru’s robots or his own coding. at least once he matures out of the phase of feeling secondary to her and realizes she actually really loves her brother

kiki + sebastian relationship

i feel like the couple meme sheet i did embodies their dynamic pretty well but if it wasn’t obvious i like opposites attract and goth/prep dynamics

even if they don’t have the exact same interests, they strive for compromise. as in kiki giving him tulips since she likes tulips even though he hates flowers - he keeps them in a vase anyway. kiki doesn’t like horror, sebastian probably does, and she watches movies with him so he isn’t trapped watching awful romcoms with her. he also probably doesn’t love sweets but i think i established earlier kiki’s pretty good at baking so he tries to eat whatever she bakes anyway. and it’s not like those “the old ball and chain” relationships but more so done out of love so your partner doesn’t feel like they are losing parts of themselves dating you

not that they don’t have anything in common though b/c kiki liked the cave saga comics as a kids and would participate in dnd sessions with sebastian

they were definitely best friends before they went out and i don’t think it was love at first sight. he was probably thinking why the hell does this chick keep showing up in my room for the first few weeks of their friendship until she kinda grew on him once he realized she was there to stay and annoyingly persistent

i don’t really get the vibe sebastian is the type to give you advice when you’re upset but it’s not necessarily a bad thing for kiki. it’s better for her, as opposed to haley (who i DO think gives good advice), to sometimes have someone to listen to. imo he’s more observant so he is able to pick up on her being upset when someone like abigail might not notice

in general the same goes as what i’ve said about shane and haley - a lot of their dynamic is based on helping each other, especially helping each other grow

they definitely bicker but not in an overdramatic way? i feel like the only thing they’d fight about is something as dumb as robin and demetrius fighting over tomatoes being fruit - ultimately harmless (plus robin and demetrius have one of the healthiest relationships in game). maybe something like that one vid of the guys fighting over whether or not water is wet

kiki definitely gets on his ass about his health all the time. like i KNOW it’s annoying the way your mom might nag you but i am so bad at self-care myself that i’m 99% sure he probably forgets to eat sometimes after coding for hours which is why she drops food off for him constantly

sebastian is better at showing affection through his actions because saying stuff verbally is not his strong suit and embarrasses him, so usually he resorts to things

kiki is also so good at giving sebastian super well thought-out gifts (like bidding on a signed copy of the comics he likes) that he gets really nervous around holidays because he doesn’t want to give her something that she doesn’t like and disappoint her. gift giving is a competition at this point

pda is not really sebastian’s thing so kiki doesn’t indulge in it that much so he won’t die of embarrassment. but on occasion she does do some pda in front of everyone though to embarrass him b/c it is kinda funny to her

their dates tend to be really simple too? i don’t think either of them are big gesture types of people or they only do that type of stuff once in a while. i think he’s come to terms that kiki refuses to go back to the city for dates but is okay with date nights in. weirdly enough he plans them more knowing that she’s really busy with farm work

i feel like there’s more but i’m kinda forgetting i might add some more later if i think of some... thank you so much for the ask though!!!

[karasunology]

⸙ ˚₊ ➷ SUNA RINTAROU & KITA SHINSUKE AS YOUR OLDER BROTHER HEADCANONS ! ❞

╰─ ─ ﾟheadcanons of suna & kita of how it would be like if they were your older brothers.

✐ . . . BIG BROTHER HEADCANONS.

[ OIKAWA TOORU & KAGEYAMA TOBIO VERSION. ] [ MIYA TWINS & BOKUTO KOUTARO VERSION. ]

-ˏˋ ➶ character(s) ━ suna rintarou & kita shinsuke <3

[ trigger warnings ━ slight manga spoilers !! ]

-ˏˋ ✉️ REQUESTS ARE ALWAYS OPEN.

⇣ please read the RULES before requesting.

SUNA RINTAROU.

➜ suna would your quiet older brother that's very caring for you

➜ nAH I'M KIDDING SHSJZ LMAOOO

➜ THIS BOY MAY SEEM QUIET BUT PHEWW

➜ DAMN IS HE NOISY IN TEXT & ON UNGODLY HOURS

➜ let me explain

➜ suna is the type of person that may seem quiet but could honestly be as chaotic as he can be

➜ good chaotic? or evil chaotic?

➜ you decide for yourself

➜ and that's when he's just a normal person to any other normal person

➜ but you're his younger sibling

➜ y'know, the one he sees everyday

➜ willingly or not HSJSNNXC

➜ yeah he'll be quiet sure but if YOU ever join into the mix

➜ fox boi is thriving quietly while your parents are just so done with you guys

➜ i headcanon that he's the type to fall asleep in day time

➜ but when it's night where h's supposed to be sleeping, homeboy is anything but sleeping

➜ he'll have a hard time sleeping and honestly you're probably also in the same situation as him because wow, sibling goals😍❇✨🗽

➜ and if you ARE in the same situation as him, and you'd get a random message from him at the most UNGODLIEST TIMES to go to a 24 hours open mcdonalds fast-food,

➜ who were you to object??

➜ like y'all's parents would wake up to go to work or something and would when they check the family gc, suna sent a pic of you falling asleep on a mcdonalds playground

➜ would paniK LMAOOO

➜ but before they pull your drowsy ass back, they'd check your guys' rooms and in the midst of checking they'd find you guys sleeping on the living room sofa

➜ woke up the next day in the floor because suna unconciously pushed you from the sofa y'all were sharing but you had a blanket placed on top of you while he was ShiVERING to death

➜ expect cursed videos or weird snapchat stories of you guys either saved privately or drunkenly high posted for the whole world to see😗😍

➜ y'all have the most random conversation at 3 am in imessage but y'all still forgot you sent those

➜ the type to message you a meme he finds funny while his drowssiness is taking a toll on him

➜ the type to message you while he's in the same room as you

➜ like especially if there are guests around & he hates socializing & just doesn't have the energy to talk to them

➜ fights were uncommon, and if it ever happens oH my

➜ he'll give you a cold shoulder because he's THAT petty b itch💅👊

➜ but he's probably the first to apologize because you are probably also a petty bi tch 💅👊

➜ b i c t h

➜ he's honestly a great listener 10/10 would recommend

➜ he may not be the best at advices, but atleast he's good at listening

➜ would a HUNDERED ( 100 ) PERCENT % dump the chores ordered for him to do TO YOU

➜ and would definitly use the excuse

“ because i'm older than you ”

➜ in conclusion, suna may be a lazy bicth but he'd be an . . . entertaining brother to say the least & never fails to take the role as an older sibling through hidden and small ways.

KITA SHINSUKE.

➜ the silent but active older brother

➜ the type of older brother that may not seem he cares about you but he actually does

➜ like  a l o t

➜ like that one chapter in the manga where kita may sound like a judgemental douche but actually cares about atsumu and gave him a note to take care of himself or something? with cough drops, pickled plums, lemon water etc.

➜ ugh i live for that

➜ anywh0res, that chapter?? yeah, you experienced alot of those

➜ you have gotten used to his attitude ever since you guys were young

➜ one time, when you guys were young, you scraped your knee and kita may seem like he's lowkey judging you but he was actually so worried

“ see? that's what happens when you're too clumsy ”

➜ yet proceeds to kneel next to you & would piggyback you while saying that you should lay off desert becausr you were getting heavy

➜ THE DIFFERENCE WITH HIM AND BOKUTO THO FGFDJJKDR

➜ and one time when you overworked yourself because of your studies to the point you got sick, kita was the one that was taking care of you

➜ your temperature? taken AND recorded by him. your porriage? made by him. if you got worse, he would make an appointment with a doctor. appointment? scheduled and made by him.

➜ and that's on periodt😋

➜ would scold you and use judgmental tones BUT would be so caring towards you ahHh

➜ and if it wasn't that bad but you still had to stay home the next day, but it was a school day so that means volleyball practice for kita

➜ and y'all probably argued about something that morning and he left while you were still sulking about your fight and when you entered the kitchen you would find a bag of your favourite foods, those cooled things you put on your forehead to bring the heat down, & medicines.

➜ and in the table was your porriaged cooked and served with a note on the side which says :

please take care of yourself more, i'll be home after practice like usual.

love, kita-nii.

➜ UGH YOUR HAND IN MARRAIGE SIRRRR

➜ and when bb boy went home you apologized about your fight that morning and he'd be so shocked because you don't usually say sorry first whenever you guys fight

➜ would tell you stories of what happened at practice that day simce you weren't there

➜ speaking of that, you would wait around the volleyball club and would be their unofficial manager

➜ why? because kita made you since he would ALWAYS walk you home with him and maybe some of his team mates that lives near you guys

➜ like he ain't reporting a missing teenager anytime soon

➜ already has a lot of things to handle so he would appreciate that you would get kidnapped on a different day? yeah, thx💋

➜ would garden with you because i headcanon that he really loves and has a passion for gardening & probably has his own little vegetables growing in the side awe

➜ would 100% help you do your chores

➜ and with anything you need honestly

➜ ugh we stan

➜ and if you ever awknowledge everything he has done for you and would let him know that you awknowledge him & that you REALLY APPRECIATE HIM AS YOU SHOULDDD💅😩✋

➜ he'd probably cry on the spot ngl

➜ i'm joking, but y'all would probably be so soft at that moment that he just offered you to watch those old childhood movies you guys used to love to watch

➜ in conclusion, i love this mans so much and that you should too. even if he may seem judgemental & a douche but trust me when i say he cares ALOT about you but he just shows it subtly. and he deserves a lot of love as well because you don't know how much has he taken care of you ever since you guys were kids.

-ˏˋ playing soleil's tape ˊˎ-

[ 📼 ] . . . another big brother headcanon?? y'all eating tHAT SHI T UP. but honestly, me too. also, another one of bokuto's sister x akaashi one will be posted either tonight, or tomorrow as per an anon's request. ugh we love a productive sister. @ to the anon who requested this, hope you enjoyed it because i totally did while my crusty eyes tries to stay awake last nighy writing this👑

requests are open or just send me anything because i need hooman interactions rn😋✌

[heresathreebee]

Brackish and Briny Waters (two)

[Ralph Lamont X Female Reader]

Summary: Settling into your new house Part 1 Masterlist Part 3

Tags: +17 | 1.7k words | just really fucking domestic stuff, one (1) bad attitude, presumptuous behavior, unprotected morning sex, more remodeling.

AN: I kind of know where I'm going with this. The conflict will be subtle at first but it's there I promise.

The first day goes by fast and for Ralph meeting every single person on staff in this prestigious school was like trying cheeses and wines in a vineyard– fun at first but you get a stomach ache because somebody forgot to tell you not to swallow and there are just so many of them each more rich than the last. By the time he crosses the threshold to his new home, he's exhausted and annoyed. 

"I told you not to unpack without me." 

You look at him from the kitchen and shrug. "I needed stuff, baby. I already wrote a list of things to work on in this 'bare bones' house you put us up in and I was bored." 

You don't care for his attitude but offer him the covered plate anyways. "I saved you some dinner." 

All at once, Ralphie's anger melted from his face. He shuffled his tired feet across the still empty living room and pulled you into his side. The plate was warm (still warm or recently warmed up, he couldn't tell) and his stomach growled. 

"M sorry," he said, "I don't mean to be an asshole." 

You smile your forgiveness. "Long day?" 

"Yes," he hisses. "I already can't wait for the weekend." 

You chuckle. "Oh come on, it can't be that bad. Give it a chance, baby!" 

"As you wish." 

After eating, Ralph is right to sleep despite his insistence you finish packing together tonight. A part of you thinks it's the climate here– fresh sea salt air and less artificial light to disrupt the body's natural sleep patterns. You took off his shoes and empty his pockets because he was just 'resting his eyes for a moment,' then slid in right next to him. He's fine without a blanket, but you pull the back of the quilt over your rear and curl into his side. Sleep comes easier tonight than last night and you dream of wallpaper and wood smoke cologne. 

DAY THREE

The rest of the week gets easier for the both of you. You arrived on Monday and unpack the bigger furniture together by Wednesday with the help of some locals. Ralph is getting to study the lesson plan for Ms. Lewis' math class and establishing a gentle authority with his temporary students. He is still excited for the weekend, intent to help you figure out what to do with the walls of the house. 

"Has anybody come to see you at the house yet?," he asks you Thursday night. 

You pause dicing onions to think. "Besides the neighbors to the north and those Vayle boys? No." 

Ralphie raises his eyebrows and drops them, an involuntary gesture made more for himself than you. 

You put a hand on your hip. "Why?" 

Ralphie waves you off and continues mixing the meat with the spices. "Nothing. It's just everybody and their fucking moms has been asking me about you." 

"What?" This was news to you. "Why?" 

"Because they're nosy," he replies, "asking me about my whole life story and I let slip I had a wife and then they just wouldn't shut up about it." 

You swat his shoulder. "Well don't sound so depressed about it. Do you not like having a wife?" 

"No!" Ralph huffs and turns to look at you as he says, "I just hate that every single one of them bugs me about a million personal things and then I mention you and it's the only thing they can talk about now." 

Ralph turns back to stirring the pan and grumbles to himself, "might tell them to fuck off and just hoard you forever…" 

It clicks in your head at least a bit. Ralph's a born and bred city kid. In the city nobody cares who you are, what you like, or where you're from. Strangers don't want to be anything more than strangers. Their eternal social motto is 'don't waste my time' and anyone who acts differently is probably scheming something. 

You chuckle and rest your chin on his shoulder. "You're forgetting these are a different breed of people. Rich and educated socialites more over but suburban, maybe even rural. We're probably the first new thing to happen to them in decades, and communities like this don't have a 'mind your business and I'll mind mine' attitude." 

Ralphie flicks you a look but you know he knows you're right. It doesn't mean he has to like it but at least he understands it's not malicious, at least not inherently. It's out of his element, a little out of yours too, but you'll have to adapt and play by their rules if you want to stay here for a while. 

The dining room table can seat six, but your Ralphie takes a seat right next to you at a corner so he can hold your hand while you eat. Homemade tacos ease your apprehensions a bit and you go over the remodeling plans with him until midnight. Getting ready to sleep, you wear your thinnest shift and wrap around him like an octopus, your warm core brushing over his barely clothed manhood in temptation. 

Ralphie hums, tucking a stray hair back into your bonnet. "We need to get up early tomorrow." 

It's a weak protest. The two of you keep rocking into each other and sighing at the feeling of friction but eventually fall asleep despite the delightful buzz of sexual energy surrounding you. You do wake up when Ralph flips you under him and sucks a few marks into your neck.

You spread your legs to accommodate his breadth, feeling him settle deliciously and glancing at the bedside clock. It's barely 5 o' clock and the sun is rising. You gasp as you feel Ralphie's cock slide into you and he's met with little resistance. You two have sex for the first time since you moved and it's been so long that the affair is short lived. 

Ralph already has an apology on his lips but you shush him and come a moment later with your fingers brushing your clit in tandem. He peppers you with a dozen more kisses as silent promises to make it up to you. 

You shower together, barely bumping elbows as this bathroom is way bigger than your New York City apartment ever was. You chat idly about the weekend and the town and when you're ready to leave, you grab the manila folder where you store the plans for the remodel. You've even got samples from the wallpaper, only taking the ones you like and want to replace. 

"I know we probably won't find exact replicas but I want to at least find something similar." 

Ralph squeezes your thigh. "Ok, ok. We'll try." 

While this town doesn't have a McDonald's (the town over does and it's fancy for some reason), it does have a Home Depot (also pretty fancy). You know you'll need wood and screws and glass panes to finish that solar room but that's not the goal for today. 

Ralph skips right over the green paint swatch section to the creams. He's rambling about paint brand pros and cons, he did his research on the way in since you were driving and he brought the book from the school library. You follow and half listen. 

"What?" 

Ralph finally catches on to your soft smile. You glance around to make sure no one is in earshot because god forbid these gossipers over hear your conversation right now. 

"I guess I got you pretty excited last night, huh," you say with a sense of pride. Ralph feels the opposite about his performance this morning. 

"I just… I think it's just been a while." He occupies his hands by grabbing every single free swatch sample on the shelf and says, "I promise I will make it up to you." 

You roll your eyes in a not unkind way. "It's fine, babe, really. I uh… it feels kind of good to know I still have that kind of effect on you…" 

Ralphie sports a smile of his own and puts you under his arm. "Of course you do, sugar." 

He leans down to plant a kiss on your lips when you're interrupted by a bright voice. It's so startling that your husband bounces away from you. He stares wide eyed at the woman who interrupted you and he gets that dark look in his eye that only you can see. 

"Jesus, Julie," he tries his best not to growl her name. "This is Julie, she's a teacher at the school. Julie this… is… my wife." 

Julie makes a noise like a whistle. "Oh my god you are so much more beautiful than I imagined! Ralph doesn't have a picture of you in his office!" 

"It's on my desk," he huffs, "it's the one turned towards me." 

"And why would you do that?" 

"...so I can look at it while I work…?" 

Julie's… a little too hands on for just meeting you. You're too reserved to say something about it so you sling a loose arm around her back and hope Ralph doesn't say something for you. 

"Hi Julie, it's nice to finally meet you," you tell her. "Ralph's been slowly but surely introducing me to the concept of his coworkers." 

"I can't believe we haven't met before now! Ralph keeping you all to himself, me and the other teachers are just so curious about you," she coos. It feels almost put on, like overindulging in sweet to play up her first impression. You let it slide though, maybe it's just your city lens. 

"Well, uh, once we've got the house fixed up a bit, we can plan a housewarming party," you suggest. "But not a day before and you may quote me on that, miss!" 

Julie laughed and gave you her phone number 'in case you need anything at all.' Ralph breathed easy once she finally left and you tug his ear gently. "She's veeerry friendly." 

Ralphie shoots you a glare like you'd made a joke he didn't find funny and you go back to debating the paint to use for your walls eagerly.

@escape-your-grape @hoodoo12 @softbeej @go-commander-kim @beetlesstuff @imma-fucking-nerd​ @werwulfy​

[henrik-von-schneeplestein]

can we haz more schneeplebro hc pleeeeeeease?? like a WHOLE TONE PLEASE AND THANK YOU. what got you into the ship in the first place?? how did it all start and begin? you're amazing

Hiiiiii! I’m really sorry for how long this took me, but I wanted to make sure I had plenty. Also, here’s a link to the original list, since it’s been A Minute oof. Most of all, THANK YOU!!!! You’re the amazing one anon!

As for what got me into the ship, it was seeing cool ship art/fics on Tumblr and also just the dynamics that it has. The fact that they’re best friends. The way that they’re kind of the parental friends and leaders of the egos as a whole, and the way they sort of lean on and depend on each other in that regard, and as actual fathers. The way they’ve been through a lot of the same things and can understand each other better than anyone else. :)

Anyway, here are the hcs finally:

-It’s Pride month; please consider the fact that they have five kids and are therefore a family of 7 and then consider a Pride month photo for Chase’s insta where each person is wearing a different color shirt so they make a rainbow together

-Also I just need cute family insta pics in general. May I suggest ‘how many family members can Henrik hold up at once?’ Chase on one hip (taking the picture), one kid on another, one kid on his back, one kid on Chase’s back, maybe one hanging on the front, etc,

-Chase definitely tries to learn to make some German dishes, and Henrik’s always so incredibly grateful for some old favs he hasn’t had in years. Though, it’s always a toss up on what’s his favorite part: eating the delicious food, or listening to Chase try to pronounce the name of it

-Henrik wears a watch every day, not a smartwatch like Chase’s, a classic analog one, bc he’s a doctor and he needs one. Chase likes when he’s wrapped up in Henrik’s arms and he can hear the soft ticking noise. Also, one night Henrik starts to fall asleep before he takes it off and he feels Chase gently pick up his hand, take it off for him, and give the inside of his wrist a lil kiss and now he ‘forgets’ to take it off all the time. Also also, Chase probably gets him a nice new watch for a birthday/xmas/anniversary at some point so that one’s extra special :)

-Chase looks so, so cute in denim shorts, esp ones w/ a lil cuff at the bottom. Henrik says it should be illegal. Bonus points if they’re overalls.

-They like to go grocery shopping together when they can - they’re a couple that always has fun together no matter what they’re doing, so even though they get some weird looks for being loud and occasionally literally running around the store as two grown-ass men, they love doing errands together. They ALWAYS do Costco runs together, too, that’s not even optional that’s sacred. They like strolling along trying all the free samples while buying mac and cheese in bulk to feed their many children. Marvin highkey judges when Chase says their fave thing to do on a date is ‘Costco’ but he’s just a h8er. 

-Henrik does this thing where if they get food from a restaurant and he tries something new & it’s really good, he immediately breaks off a piece or holds out his fork for Chase to try it too, without even thinking about it 

-Whenever any sort of arts n crafts trend is happening on the internet Chase likes to try it w/ the kiddos so there’s lots of funky cool art all over their house

-They would absolutely get married; marriage is super important to Chase. But I can’t see them having a very fancy wedding. It would probably be in their backyard, or maybe on the beach where they go as a family, and it would just be the kids and the other egos

-Chase’s subscribers calling them schneeplebro, and making compilation vids like ‘schneeplebro funniest moments,’ ‘schneeplebro being disgustingly in love for 13 minutes,’ ‘schneeplebro being the best dads for 15 mins straight’

-Honestly Henrik’s weird sense of humor gets to shine in Chase’s videos. Always telling those jokes he loves about tax evasion & not being a real doctor, which gets even funnier bc every now and then he gets a patient who actually watches the channel. Imagine meeting the guy who’s gonna do surgery on you and it’s your fave youtuber’s partner who always jokes about not being licensed and getting sued for malpractice kfjkdjfkadkfj

-Listen, I see y’all with your ‘Henrik took ballroom dance/waltz lessons as a kid’ headcanons. I love them & I love you but just once I want the two of them to be talking about dancing and for Chase to say, ‘well, when you took dance lessons in school -’ and Henrik to be like ‘Do you know I’m from Germany and not 1947? I had a PlayStation.’

-He’s just still salty from the time they were talking about jobs they’ve had and he told Chase he worked at McDonald’s the summer after he graduated high school to which Chase asked completely sincerely, ‘They had McDonald’s in Germany back then?’ “It was 2004, Chase.”

-I so badly. So badly. Want a schneeplebro mug collection video. You know between Henrik’s coffee addiction and Chase’s tea addiction they have like at least two full cabinets. Imagine all the cute/silly ones they buy for each other

-Henrik has a pretty good singing voice but usually will only sing to the kids. ‘Bingo was his name-o’  absolutely going off. But sometimes, he can be convinced to sing to Chase

-The other scenario in which he’ll sing is when he’s drunk, and Chase has an entire spotify playlist called ‘all men do is lie’ which is full of nothing but songs that Henrik once claimed not to know/like but then magically knew all the words to after about five drinks

-Chase likes to be picked up and gets so happy when Henrik gets home from work and lifts him up w/ a big hug or scoops him up while they’re kissing :)

-In terms of them getting a dog like I mentioned in the last list, I think it would be one of those things where for a long time if anyone ever asked them about it they’d be like ‘well, maybe someday, but we’d have to do a lot of research about what the best breed for our family would be and then start looking at where to adopt from so yeah we don’t know’ until one day they’re just like ‘we found a dog in our neighborhood and couldn’t find his owners so we have a dog now. he is a mutt and he eats garbage. we love him dearly.’

-Sometimes Henrik will make tea and bring it to Chase bc he’s downstairs and he can hear Chase pacing above him

-Henrik has very thick hair and loves when Chase plays with it or runs his fingers through it

-Family movie nights, especially when they can find a movie or series they all wanna watch. At one point there’s a family disagreement about what the best Pixar movie is the best, so they decide they just have to spend a long weekend marathoning every pixar movie ever made in release order and hold a debate at the end. Nobody wins but they all have a great time.

[odaatlover]

I know you're not shy about your weight loss so I was wondering if you can give any advice or tips on starting a weight loss journey. I work odd hours and going to a gym isn't feasible money wise. I know part of losing weight is eating right but idk how to, especially on nights I work late and grabbing a burger at McDonald's at 3am and passing out is easier than cooking.

OKAY, so this is a subject that I’m very passionate about so I’m about to info dump all over the place. Just a head’s up! 😂 

I just want to start by saying that your mindset about weight loss and getting healthy is very important. There’s this guy who is a fitness coach named Jordan Syatt, and he has this motto called “you can’t fuck up” (YCFU). Meaning, the only way you can fail is if you quit. It doesn’t matter if you get off track for a day, a month, a year, whatever…as long as you get back on, you didn’t fuck up. That’s such an important mentality to have about it because often people will go on vacation, have a good time eating whatever they want, get back home and weigh themselves, and then when they see that they’ve gained weight they feel like they failed and then say “well, I’ve already messed up this much, might as well just screw it and continue eating whatever I want” and then they make it worse, when in reality all they had to do was get back on track as soon as they got home. I just went on vacation for a week, and I ate things like pizza, donuts, chips, you name it! Of course I also had healthy foods because that’s what I was craving, but during the times when we wanted to eat out, we weren’t as restrictive with ourselves. And we had a good time. And now that I’m home, I’m back to eating my regular foods. In fact, I was even craving my grilled salmon and broccoli that I love having for dinner lol. Did I gain weight? Heck yeah! But I didn’t fuck up, because I got back on track. And that’s what matters. In the past, I would’ve freaked out seeing that number on the scale go up (which honestly most of it was water weight anyways from all the sodium) and I would’ve just said “Ah well screw it, what’s the point.” and gained more weight. But this time around with this mentality of YCFU, I felt more at ease and it actually made it easier to get back on track. And I’m still craving the healthy foods over the ones that’ll make me feel sluggish and bloated!

My advice on how to start: As Nike says, Just do it. I know that sounds so simple, but honestly, it is. Often people will wait for this burst of inspiration or motivation, but if you wait around for that to come along then you’ll just be wasting time you could’ve spent bettering your health. Start now. It’s going to suck at first, you’re not going to want to do it, but you know what? Life is full of doing things that we don’t want to do. But you’ll begin to see results, and then those results will give you the motivation you seek. So, action. results. and then motivation to reach your goals. It’s not going to suck forever; only in the beginning. Then you’ll get to a point where it just becomes habit and you start to do it because you want to, not because you feel like you have to. And that mindset of “wanting to” as opposed to “being forced to” is so incredibly important for success.

As for where to start: 100% start with your eating habits. You don’t have to change everything right away. In fact, you shouldn’t. Some people start by going from eating fast food every day to completely changing to a raw vegan diet and running at the gym for 5 hours every day. Going to the extreme right at the start like this will only set you up for failure, because you’ll get burnt out and want to give up. Instead, change little things at a time and give yourself room to progress. Do you drink a lot of calories? (i.e. sodas, juices, Starbucks fraps, etc.) If so, start with changing that. Try cutting that stuff out and drink water instead. Or at least switch to zero calorie drinks. They’re not the healthiest, but they’re better than regular sodas, and you’ll be cutting out so many calories you probably didn’t even realize you were consuming. Most people lose at least 5 lbs just from that! So maybe do that the first week, then maybe the next week you can start switching other parts of your diet. Maybe that even means getting McDonald’s twice a week instead of every day, and making your own meals the rest of the time. Or maybe it’s cutting out fast food completely, but making homemade burgers. Just don’t feel like you have to change everything right away, because weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint. Those who lose weight quickly are more likely to gain it back. Ever seen The Biggest Loser? Prime example of this. It’s a lifetime commitment, not “oh I’ll eat healthy now and then when I reach my goal weight I can go back to eating McDonald’s all the time”.

I don’t like “fad diets” like Atkins, Weight Watchers, keto, etc., simply because they’re not sustainable. They’re meant to jump start weight loss, not to be something you do for the rest of your life. Most people who do these kinds of diets get bored or tired of it and they stop, but they don’t have any knowledge about the foods they’re eating and revert back to old habits. I’m not saying these diets aren’t good, because they can actually be really good tools for starting. But they’re beneficial ONLY if you understand why these diets are helping you lose weight. Knowledge is the most important tool here. Everyone knows that cake isn’t that good for you, but do you know why it’s not that good for you? Read food labels, learn about your body and how many calories you burn throughout the day, find which foods make you feel better versus ones that make you feel sluggish, and understand why. Do you know how much a serving size is of the food you’re eating? Do you know which foods have high protein? Do you know which fruits have a higher water content (apples, oranges, etc.) and will make you feel fuller longer than starchy fruits (bananas)? You can learn this without these diets quite easily. Which by the way, I’ve never done any kind of diet like that. In the end, you want something that’s sustainable. If you’re eating foods that you hate, that’s not sustainable. If you’re eating low carb or no carb, that’s not sustainable. Fitness and health doesn’t end when you get to your goal weight, it’s a lifetime kind of deal. So you have to find foods that you truly enjoy eating in order to make it sustainable. But knowledge, and applying that knowledge, is extremely important.

MEAL PREP IS YOUR BEST FRIEND. Nobody wants to cook dinner after a long day of work. I sure as hell don’t. So take some time on the weekends or days off to prepare your foods for the week. Put them in to-go containers so that all you have to do is pop them in the microwave when you get home. Things like casseroles and stews you don’t have to put in containers, but are still pre-made and can be popped in the microwave. There are also foods that don’t need much cooking, like tuna sandwiches or frozen veggies. Snacks that are easily accessible like berries or greek yogurt are good too. But if you know you’re going to go for the bag of chips over fruits, then don’t have them in the house. My wife and I are both the type who will eat an entire bag of chips or box of cookies in one sitting. So we don’t buy them. And if we do want chips or cookies, like really craving it, then we’ll get one of those individual ones from the gas station. But we won’t buy full bags or boxes. If they’re not in the house, they’re not an option. If you live with a partner, then having them on board with this is very important. I would not be able to do this if my wife bought cookies and chips all the time. We’re both on the same page, and that’s necessary. When I moved back home with my parents after college they had all kinds of bad stuff, and I couldn’t stay away from it. So I bought my own foods and used the mini fridge we had and had my own shelf on the rack by the wall so that I never opened the fridge or the pantry to even see what they had bought because it was too tempting. This can help if you have a partner who is not on the same page as you.

McDonald’s sounds appealing not only because it’s fast and easy, but because it tastes so damn good. And anybody who says it doesn’t is a liar lol. Because if it didn’t taste good, then they wouldn’t be making millions of dollars. Foods like that (Oreos, cereals, crackers, anything processed) are made to taste so good that nothing from the ground can replicate that taste or be as good. And that’s a dangerous thing, because that’s how they hook you. If you eat an Oreo and then eat a strawberry, you better believe that the strawberry is not going to taste as sweet! But the good news is, you can change your tastebuds to crave healthy foods. I don’t eat oreos, and strawberries taste pretty amazing to me and I crave them often. When grocery shopping, stay away from the middle aisles! That’s where all of the tempting processed stuff will be. Stay on the outsides. Again, it’s going to suck at first, but I promise you’ll begin to crave those healthy foods over fast food. But you just have to start!

As far as fitness goes, you don’t need a gym membership to lose weight. If you want one, I highly recommend Planet Fitness because it’s only $10/month (with a $29 startup fee and $39 annual fee), but you don’t need a gym membership. I go to the gym, not to help me lose weight, but so that I’m active. I do it to get stronger and to help me from getting winded going up one flight of stairs. Or so that if something attacks me I can run away. Or to help my back problems. But I don’t factor my fitness into my losing weight, because most of your calories burned come from everything else. I don’t even count how many calories I burn at the gym, because I just really don’t care. Eating healthy helps you lose weight, and going to the gym only speeds up that process a little. If you want to be more active, you can start by walking. I walk 30 minutes around the neighborhood everyday, and I absolutely love it. It helps clear my head. Whatever fitness thing you do, make sure it’s something you enjoy. If you hate running, don’t run. If you hate cycling, don’t go cycling. If you hate weight lifting, then don’t do it. But if you like yoga, then do that. Life isn’t meant to be grueling, so find something you enjoy that will benefit your health, because there’s something out there for you!

And the last thing I want to say is, don’t let the scale be your only tool to measure your weight loss. In fact, I don’t even like to call it “weight loss” but rather “fat loss” or “getting healthy”. Sure, use the scale every once in a while to see overall progress, but your weight fluctuates all the time. And muscle weighs more than fat. I’ve had times where I actually gained a pound or two, but I looked slimmer. Use other ways to measure your progress, such as how your clothes fit or by taking pictures of yourself and comparing those. But if you only use the scale, you’ll be disappointed because it won’t be a consistent drop in numbers, no matter how clean you eat and how much you exercise. That’s just how the human body works; it fluctuates because of things like water retention, not getting enough sleep, being stressed, etc.. If the scale hasn’t moved but you’re feeling better and clothes are starting to fit better, then you’re on the right track!

Whew. I know that was an excessive amount of information, but I wanted to share the most important things with you because feeling good about yourself is so important. This is all based on what I believe, and the most important thing is finding what works best for you! If you have any other questions, feel free to send me a DM or another ask, and I’ll gladly answer them! You can do this! 💪

[movetothesuburbs]

@magneticghouls first of all... My ask box was apparently turned off so it's good to know I'm an idiot. Secondly thank you for asking

Season 1: Charlie Has Cancer. I love this so from the depths of my heart. The concept of it was like that first idea rcg had for the show. Nothing will ever be as relatable to me as Dennis trying to get out of that conversation as soon as possible. "You can talk to me any time" ... "Oh you meant now?" Fucking incredible.

Season 2: The Gang Exploits a Miracle. I'm gonna be honest s2 is my least fave season. The episodes are all pretty good. They just don't grip me as much. They are bastards to the best degree in this episode though. I've never been Catholic but I'm obsessed with the rituals and imagery. "Am I gay for God?" (Real talk I made a dream daddy meme to that) I love Charlie in all white and Mac in all black.

Season 3: The Gang Gets Whacked. Everything about this 2 parter is funny to me. (Except when I get sad abt Dennis) But! Pussy Hands. Peter Nincompoop. Jackie said she counted that Mac and Frank slap Dennis 13 times in a row and I love that. I think cocaine is funny. I think ruining Crucket's life further is funny. I think watching this ep after binging 5 episodes of the Sopranos is extra funny.

Season 4: It was very nearly Mac's Banging the Waitress but I am a sucker for a musical and a basic bitch so you know it's The Nightman Cometh. It was one of the first eps I ever saw. My best friend showed it to me then immediately showed me a live recording. I get Dayman stuck in my head often. I love Charlie. Also "I'm eating because I'm uncomfortable" Cat eyes Mac makes heart eyes Jack.

Season 5: Mac and Dennis Break Up. This was the first episode I ever saw. My bff was like "watch this they're gay" and by God were they. I think about the line "Far be it from me to keep the flower of you from flourishing" every goddamn day.

Season 6: Who Got Dee Pregnant? Admittedly I'm very soft for Dee Gives Birth, but I'm hella gay for Jimmi Simpson and Halloween. Also I love the reactions to if Mac had been the one. I am a sucker for characters telling conflicting accounts of the same event. I think Dennis looked hot as Luigi and think he could have worked that without a Mario just fine, he just wanted a couples costume with Mac. I will not encourage incest shippers, but Dennis thinking he might have gotten Dee pregnant is the funniest gd thing.

Season 7: The High School Reunion. I love far Mac with all my heart and if I saw that man at a high school reunion I do not care what rep he had in high school I would be on that. Also irl I had a crush on the high school drug dealer so what are standards? I love Dee immediately jumping on being the nastiest meanest bitch ever. I love the dance at the end. I think Tim and Dennis made out in high school. I'm gay for Jason Sudeikis so seeing Schmitty show up was beautiful. Cricket..... Was there. My only regret is that I already knew Mac's legal name is Ronald McDonald so I did not get to experience that reveal as a fresh concept.

Season 8: The Gang Dines Out. Did you ever know that you're my hero? I love endings where the gang appreciates Dee. Episodes that take place in one set are always great. The Waiter is great. Frank and Charlie havin' an anniversary 💙 Dennis did not have to give that speech in front of a crowd. He was going to tell Mac all those things just to his face. But he needed that whole restaurant to know who the real hero is. Dennis Reynolds said fuck the troops. I still don't know what a Groupon is. Also that table being so close to the kitchen door probably violates OSHA guidelines but thay's not a part of why I like the episode, just an observation.

Season 9: The Gang Saves the Day. I love seeing characters just imagine fantasy scenarios. Dee's is inspirational but should have been gayer. Mac is... Stupid but I love him with my whole heart and I support him imagining Dennis crying over his corpse. All hail our mighty and buff Lord. Love Dennis saying he'd rather die than have a broken dick. I love that Charlie's is animated. He is so small. There are two genders: janitor or waitress. The most relatable is Frank tho. You eat those hotdogs bitch

Season 10: The Gang Goes on Family Fight. I'm a slut for Argyle sweater vests and Dennis having a mental breakdown. Also Charlie being one of the survey takers was priceless.

Season 11: It should come as no surprise that my favorite of this season (and the series as a whole) is Mac and Dennis Move to the Suburbs. I love every single moment of this episode. I love the breakdown of their sanity. Rage fuels me. People think Dennis is a psychopath but who in this episode is feeding their roommate a dead dog? Not Dennis. What would be different if Dennis was the house husband? You know Wally just wanted to be nice to the gay couple that moved next door but they acted Like That. I'd love to make a longer post just about this episode. Some guy in fb was like "the seasons sucked after sesson 8" and everyone was like "okay but suburbs in season 11 tho" and they guy was like "okay u right" Suburbs is the episode that brings the gays and straights together and will bring us world peace

Season 12: This wss hard cuz I think this is my favorite season overall. And I'm gonna be real controversial here and let you know my fave ep is Dennis' Double Life. I love the concept. I love the convoluted scheme. I would die for Mandy. I know there's a lot with real life stuff happening and how it affected things after but I wanna appreciate it as is. Sometimes you juat have so many big feelings that you run away to North Dakota to be a dad I guess. "I'm the lover obviously" "I have a good plan but you wouldn't listen to it anyway" Did I mention I love Mandy? Maybe it's that I grew up in the Midwest but I understand her on such a deep level. I love this episode so much.

Season 13: The Gang Solves the Bathroom Problem. Every time I go into a bathroom I just think "animal shithouse" nonbinary/genderfluid Charlie rights. Hawaiin shirts. I also love Jimmy Buffett. I love they all sing the wrong song. "As a straight man" in the least convincing way. This episode speaks to me on all levels.

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 14.18: “Absence”

THEN: I am a Winchester! Which means I do awful and wonderful things! Like saving Sam (Saaaaaammmm!!!) and torturing Nick and doing Something Bad to Mary! And possibly losing my soul! Whoopsie!

NOW: Sam and Dean are just getting back to the bunker after the events of the previous episode. I assume they've given Donatello a ride home (which, as we've established, is x hours away), but maybe they stuck him in a cab like they did with Claire that one time. Maybe they found a car for him back at the abandoned warehouse. Sam drops his bag on the map table and they both start calling for Jack and Mary, but aren't too terribly concerned about them not being there. "They probably just stopped for a bite on the way back," Dean hypothesizes, when they settle in the library with a couple of beers. Um. Jack zapped them to Nick's cabin, didn't he? So what is on the "way back?" Are they going to zap to a McDonald's first? What is important is that Sam is still wearing that orange plaid shirt. And they're both pretty unperturbed, even for them, about what just happened.

Here's to another miraculous Sam Winchester survival. Gotta say, man, if Jack hadn't have healed you... you know, lately, it feels like we'd be up the creek without that kid. I mean, first he takes care of Michael, and then Nick...

I know, and he even got the blood out of my new orange plaid shirt, which means I can keep wearing it for this entire episode.

Yeah, I been meaning to talk to you about that. You've been adding a lot of orange to your wardrobe lately.

Just this shirt and that one jacket.

It's more orange than anyone needs. Sure, it fits you great, but so does that red and black plaid. Why don't you wear that shirt some more? Or that solid black shirt you have?

Sorry, but you know I'm a Texas fan. You're just going to have to put up with the orange.

At least I think that's how the conversation went. I could be remembering wrong.

I'm just saying. It's a lot of orange.

The point is, Dean appreciates Jack and recognizes everything he's done for them. Dean pulls out his phone to call her and they hear a buzzing, which is her phone, on the map table, right to Sam's bag. Sam, I know you're recently back from the dead (or near-dead) but it does seem like you would have noticed the phone there. (Also, how close is the library to war room? This makes it look like the map table is practically in the library.) Her keys are next to her her phone, and it's not until this very moment that I realize they didn't know she and Jack zapped to the cabin - they must have thought she and Jack drove there. Because obviously they didn't have a lot of conversation about it. Even though they had a long drive back and it does seem like Sam would have called his mother and asked how their end went.

Anyway. They're perturbed now. Sam tries to call Jack and we see him, staring, ignoring Sam's call.

Title card! (ha ha, I forgot we were still in the Now.)

The guys are making phone calls to all their contacts, and Sam reports Rowena has a spell that might be able to track Jack down. Oh, I love that Sam calls Rowena for help. LOVE IT. Dean gets a call from Cas and gives him the scoop. "Were they together?" Cas asks. “Alone?" Cas looks more Cassy than usual, and then tells Dean about the snake. "I don't think Jack is well, Dean," he says. Dean hangs up on him, which seems kind of rude, but neither he nor Sam act like the snake story is particularly significant. Then Sam gets the brilliant idea to track Jack's phone. (Sidebar: Should Cas be able to use his angelic powers to locate Mary and/or Jack? Discuss.)

Sam fires up the phone tracking website and expositions that they should be able to track him as long as his phone has power. (Listen, guys. You need Find My Friends. Best parent app EVER. It locates him in Nepal, but then he immediately appears in Peru. "Jack's flying," Sam says.

Eventually Jack tires of Paris and Lima and Madagascar and and flops to the ground back at the Cabin of Death, next to Nick's stolen truck. He pulls out his phone, revealing a low battery (so much for that plan, Sam) and several missed calls and messages from the rest of TFW 2.0. He has some flashbacks to happier times with Mary, and then in the background we notice someone standing on the porch of the cabin. They're wearing jeans, and their face is hidden in the darkness, and I'm open to the possibility that Jack actually zapped Mary somewhere instead of killing her (and according to the 14.17 poll, some of you are also open to this), so for a second I think it's going to be Mary standing there. But no.

On the TV:

Nick?

Hmm. Guess again. Hello, son.

At my house:

OH FUCK.

?

Sorry. I'm just really tired of him.

So, after Jack left to do more important things (Saaaaaaammmmmm!!!!), Lucifer made it back into the world? I mean, this is awful, but it would mean Lucifer is the Big Bad instead of Nick, so... not ALL awful? But it's not Lucifer either - "I'm your subconscious, or whatever," he says. Oh god, it's Hallucifer. Jack has his own version of Hallucifer, JUST LIKE HIS PRIMARY DAD. He's here to help, allegedly, though he doesn't seem all that helpful. "Buddy, you killed Mary Winchester. You cannot come back from that, and you know it." Well. I guess she's officially dead, then. Or is she? Where's the body? I mean, Hallucifer is just Jack's subconscious. So if Jack thinks he killed Mary, so does Hallucifer. That doesn't make it so. Jack tells Hallucifer that it was an accident, and he's all, sure, tell Sam and Dean that, I'm sure they'll understand. (It's funny because it's not true!)

Cut to the Winchesters, driving through the night. Sam expositions that Cas will meet them at the cabin (how do any of them even know where this cabin is?) and speculates that maybe Lucifer is behind whatever happened, not Jack. And maybe Jack thought he was being kind when he killed the snake. Because Sam is grasping for anything that exonerates his son (sob!). But Dean's not accepting it and doesn't want to talk about it. Then Sam's laptop or tablet or whatever he's using beeps with notification that Jack's signal has been lost. Uh oh. (So I guess that's how they found the cabin?) Oooh, yes, we actually get confirmation that it's in Longton "KA" (which doesn't exist and I suspect is supposed to be KS, SERIOUSLY, GUYS).

Longton KANSAS is 4.5 hours from Lebanon. In case anyone but me is curious.

When they get to the cabin, there's no sign of Jack or Mary or Hallucifer. Just the stolen truck. Sam goes inside and Dean looks outside and oh, who's going to be the one to find the body? First I'm sure it's going to be Sam, because there's a lumpy pile of blankets on the bed, but it must just be blankets, and Sam doesn't even look under them. He does find a body, but it's Nick, not Mary. And then I'm sure it's going to be Dean, because he comes across something disturbing outside and ignores Sam's calls. But what he found is... well, it's hard to see what it is in the dark. Apparently it's a blast zone. A big one.

Cas is sitting in his truck somewhere, having his own warm and fuzzy Mary flashback where she eats a candy bar after a hunt without washing her hands and refuses to let Cas heal her because she's still a little bit afraid of him. He tells her that, no matter what other things there are to deal with, Sam and Dean are glad she's here. "Finally they don't have to be so alone." Wow, that's a dumb thing to say. Mary agrees with me and says "Castiel, they were never alone. And if they were, me being here wouldn't fix that, since I'm always off doing other things." That's how I remember it, anyway. Reverie over, Cas gets out of the truck to face the music - he's at the Cabin of Death.

Inside, Sam is covering Nick's body. He and Dean have some concerned conversation about whether Nick deserved whatever Jack did to him and conclude that Jack must have made it as painful as possible or otherwise killed him in some inappropriate way. And there are very good, valid reasons for them to come to this conclusion. I mean, I can't think of them right now, after watching the episode twice and ruminating for several hours, but I'm sure something will come to me very soon. Let me just go check my Tumblr feed again. I bet they're there.

(Seriously. Nick looks like he was burned out by an angel. That's all.)

They're surprised when Cas walks in, because they didn't hear his giant truck or see his headlights in the dark Cabin of Death. They tell him they haven't found anything except the blast site that looks like something "angelic, but bigger." Dean theorizes that it could have been Lucifer, but Sam points out that Jack said he took care of Lucifer, and I'm not sure why they've reversed their positions. Because in the car, Sam was the one who thought it might have been Lucifer. Script mix-up? Someone brought Jensen the wrong pages? Anyway. Dean says "If he did something to her, if she is... then you're dead to me." Pointing as Cas, because Cas knew something was wrong with Jack. Well, that hardly seems fair. When he first told you the snake story, Dean, you didn't think it meant anything at all. But NOW, all of a sudden, it was some ironclad harbinger of doom?

"I was scared. I believed in Jack for so long. I believed that he was good. I knew that he would be good for the world. He was good for us. My faith in him, it never wavered, and then I saw what he did. It wasn't malice, it wasn't evil, it was like Jack saw a problem and he solved it, with that snake. What he did wasn't bad. It was the absence of good, and I saw that in him. But we were a family and I didn't want to lose that..."

And I'm going to stop here, because this is the most important part of Cas's speech. This is the core issue. Jack's not bad, he just might not be good either. He thought he was doing the right thing. And he's family. Is any of this familiar, Dean? Any of it at all? Cas also says that he wanted to "fix it" on his own, so he left and didn't tell anyone. Neither brother asks how he thought he was going to fix it, but I guess they'll get the story of the failed faux Samulet someday. Right now we just have Sam looking sad and guilty and Dean looking angry and guilty but mostly angry.

Sam's phone rings - it's Rowena. She says she was unable to scry Jack because "his energy is too unstable; it's like looking at the sun." And as for Mary? "I don't know what happened, or where she is, but I can tell you with certainty - Mary Winchester is no longer on this earth." At this point, I'm still ready to accept that she's been zapped to a different dimension. I mean, there's no body. But TFW accepts it as her being dead, and Dean starts throwing furniture and Sam is despondent and flinchy (and hoo boy, I love that combination.)

So what do we do?

What do we always do when we lose one of our own?

Bad things. Very bad things. He declares "we fight to bring them back." And they will call on Rowena, because "she's got the Book of the Damned; she's resurrected herself more times than we can count." (Not to quibble, but we've only seen her resurrected twice. You yourself have been resurrected more times than that, Dean.) He orders Cas to go to Heaven and find Mary, and orders Sam to tell Rowena they're on their way. Mmmm, angry bossy Dean. I like that combination too.

Another thing I like about this scene is that it's one of those times when Sam turns into the little brother. When he looks at Dean and asks "what do we do," because that's how this works.

So much to like.

We go to Rowena's place, and if you're wondering where she lives and how far it is from the Cabin of Death, you're not alone. She's working away on her spell, though it sounds like she says cumin so maybe it's actually a chili recipe, when someone bangs on her door. "That was fast," she says. But when she answers the door... oh god, it's Jack, and for the first time in this episode I actually feel some concern. DO NOT HURT HER, JACK. (Rowena, I apologize for not appreciating you when you first arrived on the scene. I adore you now and you must remain.)

She pretends she doesn't know what happened, asking if he's well and telling him 2/3 of his dads are looking for him. He admits he accidentally killed Mary by just thinking it for a second and oh, imagine how horrible that would be, if the awful things that popped into your mind for one second actually came to pass. Or maybe I have more intrusive thoughts than y'all do. Anyway. "I need to undo it," he says. "You need to help me undo it." She explains that the magic she normally uses has to be in place before you die, so he suggest the book (I adore the way she says book) and she tells him about the spell. It requires "enormous power" but simple ingredients that could probably be found in the bunker.

Someone bangs on the door again - it's Dean. Jack accuses her of stalling, but they only talked for like 90 seconds, so, okay. She asks him to talk to his "kin," but he grabs her arm. Sam kicks the door in (with hair in his face and yes it is hot) but it's too late - Jack has zapped her out.

Sadly, I have not found a gif yet, so this will have to do.

Cut to Cas at the Stairway to Heaven, calling for Naomi. No one responds.

Jack and Rowena appear in the bunker, and he pulls her along, but happens to notice some gouges in the floor. And now we get another flashback. Mary is trying to teach him how to handle a knife, and he keeps dropping it on the floor. She's all sweet and supportive and blah blah blah, and Jack says Dean will kill him for gouging the floor when they get him back, so this must be during the Michael!Dean period. Mary pulls the table over to cover the damaged floor, but who is that in the background? It's bearded Sam! Oh, long lost Beard of Despair! How I've missed you! (Is it fake? Is it real? Was this a deleted scene? Or did they plan for what was coming, and film this before he shaved it off? Does Jared just grow a beard that quickly? I DO NOT CARE.)

He feels bad for not being there for Jack while he was busy looking for Dean, and then he apologizes for complaining to her. But she's relieved not to be the only one with "parental guilt." Because they went through so much without her, and then things were "complicated" when she got back. "I'm just saying, parenting is always a struggle. You always feel like you're failing, but then you look at them, and somehow, they're amazing. Somehow, they're literally the bravest, kindest, most heroic men on the planet." Well, this is true. Very true. And I'm glad she's giving Sam the praise and validation he SO deserves but come on, Mary. What do you know about parenting? You did it for four years. When did you feel like you were failing six-month-old Sam?

YES, MARY, I WANT TO TOUCH IT TOO

Fade to Sam. Interesting that Jack's warm fuzzy flashback turned into Sam's. (It's because Sam is his primary dad! It is known!) They're still at Rowena's, and Dean is still ranting about Cas not telling them about the snake. EVEN THOUGH DEAN DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE SNAKE WHEN CAS FIRST TOLD HIM.

Cas, Cas should have told us. As soon as he saw Jack going Dahmer on his stupid snake, he should have told us.

Dean, it wasn't just Cas. We knew Jack was dangerous. We always knew. Long before he killed Michael. You more than anyone. I mean, from the very beginning you knew. But, you know, we fell for him, because he had a good heart and a good soul. And then, he didn't. And that's on me, too, by the way. I mean, I'm the one that made the call to bring him back. He didn't ask for that. I decided for him. And you warned me.

Oooh. Sam. No. Because:

1) Dean didn't KNOW from the very beginning. He was, in fact, WRONG at the very beginning, when he thought Jack was evil. Jack was not evil, and you insisted on giving him a chance, and YOU WERE RIGHT. Jack becoming "evil" in the future (and he's not even EVIL, he's just naive and untrained and too powerful for his own good) wasn't anything Dean predicted.

b) Dean didn't exactly fight very hard to stop Sam from bringing Jack back. Seems like most of his concern was that it wouldn't work, not that it was a bad idea in and of itself.

Then Sam says "You know, after Maggie and the other hunters died, I just left. I just dumped Jack on Cas and left." Well, I'm not a big fan of "Maggie and the other hunters" (reminds me too much of "Sting and the Police" and I don't know why Maggie - or Sting - were so damn special that they deserved to be singled out as the only ones in the group with a name), but I also don't have any memory of Sam leaving after Michael killed the other hunters. And when he did, he wanted to take Jack, but Dean wouldn't let him. But Sam says he knew something was going to happen and he's wallowing in guilt. Dean admits that he also knew there was a risk, because of what Donatello told him about not being sure. Well, thank Chuck for that. I'm glad Dean's not letting Sam shoulder all the blame for something that wasn't his fault.

Angry Dean and sad Sam, two things I adore.

Back at the bunker, Rowena is gathering her cumin and other ingredients. Jack's getting impatient, and she tells him that she could have fought him, but she didn't. "Because you want the same thing the boys want. That I want." This is a beautiful, beautiful moment, with Rowena wanting what "the boys" want, but it's interrupted by Hallucifer, who doesn't even know why Jack is doing any of this. "To ease your guilt? But you don't have guilt any more, do you, Jack? Admit it. You don't feel anything any more." Well. Everything Hallucifer says comes from Jack's head, so what do we think about this? Does Jack really not feel anything any more? I disagree. If he didn't feel anything, if he didn't want Mary back, if he didn't care about forgiveness, why would he even bother? So I think our boy does feel something. Rowena is disturbed by Jack talking to his hallucination, but she carries on and finishes the spell. They have everything they need except the body. Oh.

Stairway to Heaven. Cas isn't going anywhere until Naomi talks to him. Someone finally shows up, but it's Duma.

Where's Naomi?

Well, I'd tell you it's none of your business, but you already know it's none of your business. Naomi just gets paid more than I do, and we've already got all the regular guest stars in this episode, so we had to cut some corners.

At least that's how I remember it. She tells him Mary is at peace in "a special Heaven" and "is complete" and he should just let her be.

Jack takes Rowena to the Cabin of Death, but Mary's body isn't there. He thinks she should be able to complete the spell anyway, but she says she can't. He wants to do it himself, but she says he's in no shape, and "disposition affects execution." She tells him that whatever he brings back won't be Mary, and refuses to help him and OH I'M CONCERNED FOR HER AND HE REACHES OUT AND PUSHES HER and she just ends up being shoved back into her apartment. WHEW. She calls Sam and tells him what Jack is doing, and that it won't work because there's no body, and Jack has snapped and they need to stop him." Necromancy is a delicate art, unpredictable under ideal circumstances. In his state, I fear your boy will bring back something terrible." WELL, THAT'S ENCOURAGING. (Also, Rowena is hilarious in this scene.)

Jack sits in the corpse-less blast zone and performs the ritual and a huge swirling purple cloud appears overhead and I'm thinking, is this our out? Is Jack going to summon something awful, something that can be the Big Bad so he doesn't have to? Please? He notices the Impala nearby, and uses his powers to stop it in its tracks. Luckily it's just right outside the cabin. Sam and Dean run toward him, and we see him looking down at whatever he has summoned, but he doesn't look happy about it. Neither do the Winchesters. "It didn't work," he says, before zapping out.

Oh, the thing he brought back is Mary. Well, Mary's corpse, apparently. Dean holds her and finds her still dead, and he's sad and we get his flashback, which is just Mary leaning on him, asleep in the car, and then Sam comes and holds Dean as he holds Mary and everybody's sad, we're all sad, so terribly terribly sad and we get a crane shot and it's a very lovely scene but I can't help thinking um, correct me if I'm wrong, but we do have that missing piece now, right?

Jack ends up at some industrial kind of place, where Hallucifer tells him there's no going back. "Cas, Sam, Dean, they're never going to trust you again. And you know what that means. You can never trust THEM." And oh, this is Jack's head telling him that. Poor baby.

Bunker. Sam has his box of treasures and he's looking at the few remaining family photos. He looks up, full of hope, when Cas comes in. But Cas tells him Mary is in Heaven and at peace. Dean shows up in time to hear this, and asks if he's just going to take Duma's word for it, because she's a known liar and also might possibly be that dude from The Empty. He says no, he actually saw Mary's Heaven, and we see her door with the dates 1954-1983 and 2016-2019 on it, which of course begs the question of what Sam and Dean's doors are going to look like.

He says he saw her with John (way to bury the lede, Cas), and they're full of joy. But was it really John? Haven't we established that most people are in their own individual Heavens, and if she has a John, it's just an avatar? I mean, John's name wasn't on the door. And I expect Dean, at least, to insist they try to bring her back anyway. But Sam says Rowena told him that what Jack brought back was just an empty replica, "incapable of holding life." (I mean, I feel like that sometimes.) "So what are we supposed to do now?" he asks. And again, Sam is looking to Dean to lead them through this, and yet he's got to know what they SHOULD do. He's got to be thinking of Mary, safe and happy in Heaven, and of ripping someone (anyone, no one in particular, right Sam?) away from that and forcing them to continue on Earth just because you can't be without them. He's got to be thinking of that.

"What we always do," Dean says. And the last time he said that, in this very episode, it meant we do something awful, we throw our own lives away or make some horrible bargain or damn the world in order to bring her back. But this time, it just means that we give her a hunter's funeral. And Sam doesn't look like he was ready for that after all.

So Mary gets a very dramatic pyre, and a montage? Did anyone else get a montage? Ellen, Jo, Bobby, Kevin, Crowley? JOHN? ANYONE? A FREAKING MONTAGE? NO. Grrr. Cas tries to get closer to Dean and Sam puts out a hand and stops him. Also, Sam burns a photo of her and I don't know why.

And finally, we cut to the library table where Sam and Dean carved their initials and we see they are joined by a M.W. Um. What about John? Didn't he get to carve his intials? (NO. Those are only for people who get a montage.)

Also, now that I'm going back to get screencaps, it doesn't look like her intials were there at the beginning of the episode. So she didn't carve them, one of the guys did. And not Dad's? Cold, boys.

You know, last week, like, five or ten minutes before the end of the episode, I thought if Jack hadn't cemented his place in Dean's heart already, he's certainly there now. Because he saved Sam. No matter what else Jack did or is doing or will do, he saved Sam. And I want someone to point that out. I want Sam to say "no, I'm not ready to give up on him, and you realize the only reason I'm here to argue with you is because Jack saved me, right? And if he is soulless, he lost it by saving our asses, right?" (Is this because I watched "Clip Show" a couple of days ago and watched Sam frantically try to soothe Sarah as she died from Crowley's handiwork, and I want Jack to get the same kind of second chance that Crowley got? Maybe.) Now, I realize killing Mary is more awful than anything Crowley (or any other enemy-turned-frenemy) has done to them. But it was an accident. And HE SAVED SAM'S LIFE. Come on. That counts for something.

(Sidebar: We also learned, in that scene back in season 8, that Crowley's mother was a witch. {blows a big wet kiss to the Continuity Fairy})

So, how do I feel about Mary being gone? Here's the deal. This show, at its heart, is about two (or three) men who have a giant bleeding Mary Winchester-sized hole in their lives. Filling that hole does not make for good television. And the Show tried to make her interesting and edgy by playing against what we thought we knew about her (she can't cook! she can't stay away from hunting! she sleeps with both Arthur Ketch and New Bobby!), it tried to make her both a source of conflict and a source of comfort, and ultimately (as far as I'm concerned) it just failed. She was so much more effective as that siren song of the impossible apple pie life. I said earlier and I'll repeat it here... the fact that they had to retcon all of these warm fuzzy flashbacks, instead of using actual clips, just shows how shallow these relationships were. There wasn't anything real to fall back on. And the way they spend these two episodes trying to make us care? It had the opposite effect on me. I'm glad to be shed of her.

But maybe that's just me. Maybe absence will make the heart grow fonder. We shall see. Come on and tell me what you think, and remember, no spoilers in the comments, please!