#are there any weight loss pills that work

[r0tting-b0nezz]

Hi, how did you get this *FAB* shape? Any tips?

heyy so tbh what rly helps the most besides undereating ofc is honestly working out. i do fitnesskaykay on yt for light weights/bodyweight, ibx running for cardio on the treadmill, lilly sabri for abs. i feel like drinking green tea 3x a day along with half a gallon of water a day has also helped bc i heard the green tea has similar effects to ozempic (the pill most influencers/celebrities) have used for weight loss. other than that u have to honestly just be strict with it and keep your gw, body goal in mind. and thank u sm i rly appreciate it! 🩷

[fatguarddog]

Disclaimer: This audio is intended for audiences of 18+ only 🔞 If you like my content, please consider giving me a tip

You've been gaining a lot of weight recently and don't know why, so you're back at the doctor's office to figure something out with him. The doctor is happy to inspect you and comment on your growing body, soon he reveals his true intentions for you as his work-in-progress piggy and gives you more instructions to follow 🐽

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Transcript under cut

Ahh, good to see you again. What seems to be the problem today? You’ve been putting on weight recently despite the diet I put you on? Hmm, yes I can see that… are you sure you haven’t been missing any days with the vitamins and shake supplements? Ok, how strange then. I think it’s best we examine you, maybe try a couple tests.

Stand here for me. Hmm, your belly really is looking quite porky, isn’t it? Your shirt doesn’t seem to cover it anymore. Just roll it up for me and I’ll take some measurements like I did last time so we can make a new plan. Yes, I see you have a few more inches round your middle now… you’re feeling awfully doughy too. Now let’s see your thiiighs… upper arms… your chest… that’s right… Well it seems the most of the weight has stuck to your belly, but you’ve definitely gained all over.

Let’s have you on the inspection table so I can try a few things. Strip down to your underwear and hop on up. Ah, no. Not lying down, on all fours please. There we go, that’s great, just let me get my gloves on. Mmm you really are looking like quite the plump piglet with your potbelly hanging down like that. Ah ah ah, don’t squirm at my touch, I’m merely inspecting you. Your jiggling belly, your rounded out ass, the growth in your chest… it’s all quite delightful. Better than I could have expected, really.

Oh, don’t pretend like you don’t enjoy this piggy. You’re practically frozen to the spot! And I can see the wet patch spreading in your pants. Just relax and let the doctor take care of you. Mmmm, yes that’s right, grind against my fingers as I admire your progress.

You’re much better as a pathetic little porker, aren’t you my piglet? Though we’ll have you growing into a proper piggy in no time, I’m sure. I could just tell when you came in here seeking weight loss advice that you’d be much happier giving in to your urges and gaining instead. I have a knack for seeing through people like that. And I know you’ve been enjoying my ‘diet plan,’ it seems you’ve been having more shakes per day than what the doctor ordered with just how pudgy you’re looking.

Mmm, keep grinding tubby. Let me rub some muscle relaxant cream into your plush rear. No, don’t worry about the needle, you won’t feel a thing. It’s just a fun little concoction to boost your appetite for me. See! Didn’t hurt a bit, did it? Good pig.

Alright, put your clothes back on. Hmm? Look, if you’re that desperate my eager little piglet, then you can get yourself off thinking about how fat I’m going to make you from here. But you need to listen to the doctor’s orders now.

It seems you’ve already been having two shakes on some days, so from now on I want you to do that every day, plus regular meals. Whatever your piggy heart desires. You must also be sure to keep taking your pills, they keep you nice and lazy after all. You’ll come in for a monthly check up so I can track your progress until I deem you ready for me to make a house call to you where I’m sure we’ll have plenty of fun together. Do you understand me? Good piggy.

[probably-writing-x]

This Too Shall Pass

Rafe Cameron x Reader

Summary: You and Rafe didn’t work anymore, you’d tried and you’d failed. But it was a tough pill to swallow when you were sure this was forever.

Warnings: Just a whole lot of angst my loves

Author’s Note: This is way too sad, I’m so sorry

Not my gif

Rafe knew how it felt to lose things, to lose people. He knew the feeling, he knew how to suppress it until it eventually went away. It wasn’t that he knew how to properly cope with loss, but he knew how to avoid coping. Whether it was drink, drugs, or girls, he knew how to avoid dealing with things. This time felt like an exception. This time, he’d lost you.

The two of you had been dating on and off for two years since school. You’d argue and split up, bicker and decide you weren’t good for each other, but everyone knew that you always went back to each other. You forgave him, and that was something he didn’t get from anybody else but you. But this time was too far, in the past few months he had become a completely different person - he was chasing a high that he wouldn’t find, getting into fights, threatening the Pogues. It was spiralling and it didn’t seem to stop.

And you just couldn’t do it anymore. You’d tried, anybody could see that you’d tried. You’d opened the door to him after he’d disappeared for a week without contacting you, you’d given him a place to stay when he didn’t want to be at home, and you’d cleaned up his wounds after a fight with the Pogues. You’d done it all. But it got to a point, a breaking point. And you couldn’t do it anymore. You couldn’t keep being his safety net. So, you’d ended it.

That was a month ago now, and to say you had found it easy would be an understatement. Your friends had rallied around you, Sarah bringing you ice cream and telling you that her brother didn’t deserve you. You’d done all you could to avoid him on the island, not going to parties and shutting yourself off from the friends you used to share with your boyfriend. Anything to avoid him, right?

But Sarah had called you over to hers tonight, saying it was an emergency, and for some reason it felt like a welcome home to be going back to the house you’d spent so many nights at.

You knock on the door and step back, waiting anxiously for the house to open up.

“(Y/N)?” It’s Wheezie on the other side of the door, “What are you doing here?”

“Hey,” You smile, having missed seeing the girl that you treated like your own sister, “Sarah asked me to come over, she said it was urgent.”

She frowns at you, “Sarah’s at John B’s. She hasn’t been here since yesterday.”

A lump forms in your throat almost instantly, like the pieces of a puzzle clicking together. And the last piece falls into place as soon as you see the body stood behind Wheezie, just coming down from the stairs. Your breath catches in your throat.

“I should go,” You force out, clenching your fists at your side to ground yourself back to the moment, trying to convince your legs to turn and get you as far away from the house as possible.

“(Y/N) please don’t,” Rafe breaks straight through to you, “Just stay.”

You’d listened to him so many times before when he told you to stay, and you weren’t sure that this time would be any different. Your eyes focus on him, taking in his form. He looks like he’s lost weight, his face looking like it has been drained of his normal energy. You’re so focused on him that you don’t realise Wheezie has left, leaving just the two of you and far too much space between.

“Can you just come in? Please?” His eyes are pleading with you more than his words do.

You find yourself obliging, stepping through the threshold and into the house. He closes the door behind you as if he’s still terrified that you could leave at any second.

~~~

You’re both in one of the multiple lounges in this house. You’re sat down on the sofa, arms crossed over your thighs like you need to close yourself off from him. Rafe is stood across the way from you, pacing back and forth across the width of the room every so often.

“How have you been?” He asks eventually, breaking the silence as if the question had been calculating in his head ever since you’d got here.

You swallow the lump in your throat, “I’ve been okay, just keeping busy I guess. You?”

He goes to respond stops himself, trying at it once more before eventually saying, “I don’t know how much longer I can do this, (Y/N).”

“Rafe…”

“No, I’m serious. I’m not just saying it,” He shakes his head, “I’m not sleeping, I’m not eating, I’ve been getting drunk every night, nothing helps.”

“Rafe don’t tell me that, what do you want me to do?”

“Tell me how to fix it!” He raises his voice and you know he regrets it instantly, watching as you flinch at his words.

He falls silent again.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. We’ve broken up. And that’s as hard as me as it is on you, but that doesn’t change the fact that we’re not together anymore,” You explain, slow in your words so that it drains all emotion away from them, “We need to learn to live without each other.”

“I don’t want to do that, (Y/N), I don’t want to live without you.”

You’re quiet, mainly because no words are good enough for this.

When you look up at him, Rafe’s eyes are brimming with tears, his lips piercing together to stop himself from completely breaking. He brings a hand up over his chin and you notice him still wearing the ring you had bought him for his birthday last year.

It breaks you. In that moment, it feels like you truly break. You were looking at a person your heart still knew that you loved, but your head was too far gone to go back to. A boy that had held your love for so long, and you had slowly been convincing yourself to let go of. A boy that knew you better than anyone, and you now had to come to terms with not knowing at all.

“Just tell me what I can do, (Y/N),” He whispers through his voice breaking, choking through a sob that he doesn’t want to release.

You’re crying too now, tears flooding down your cheeks like a reflex you were now desensitised to completely.

It draws you to each other, both hearts inevitably yearning for the other beyond what any rationality could give.

Rafe comes over to you and sits down on the couch, close to you so that your knee bumps his, he reaches out and takes one of your hands in both of his, leaning forward until your foreheads touch.

“I never wanted to lose you,” He mumbles, tears wetting his cheeks and rolling down to his lips, “With everything that was going on, the last thing I wanted to happen was this.”

You nod, swallowing the lump in your throat once again, your breath trembling when it releases.

Not a single part of you wants to pull away from him, or leave, or get out and never see him again. So you just stay like that - both taking in every piece of contact between you two that you’d been craving since you’d left.

But there’s a more rational side to you now, that you seemed to have lost when the two of you were together. Your head managed to overwhelm your heart now.

“I need to go, Rafe,” You whisper the words, worried they’ll slice too harshly if you speak them any louder.

He shakes his head, “No.” He chokes the word like it pains him to even think of it, “Please don’t leave.”

“We can’t do this again,” You reach up a hand and brush his hair away from his forehead, dragging your fingers through the shorter hairs at the side.

He leans his head into your touch, wanting to pocket every piece of it now he knows it’s temporary, “How do I do this without you?”

You smile a little, trying to soften the moment, “You’re Rafe Cameron, I don’t think there’s a lot you can’t do.”

Rafe turns his head fully to the side and kisses your palm, his lips lingering over there for a moment, longing him to kiss his way back to you.

“Is this it?”

You shake your head quickly, knowing deep down that the idea of forever away from him would always seem impossible, knowing that there was too much between you to ever fully say goodbye to, he’d always inevitably be your end, and so you say;

“It’ll pass.”

[tiredbonbon]

Despondent

Yan! Albert Wesker x reader oneshot ~

A.N: I finally got motivation to write something again 😭 Resident evil has consumed my life in and out help. This was pretty much a no brainer to write so do excuse me if its not that good yet.

Summary: You made a foolish attempt to get away from him, and now your gonna endure the walk of shame back.

Warnings!: implied Kidnapping, mention of needles/medical equipment, obsessive behaviour, hurt/little to no comfort, implied manipulation, major yandere themes

“You know, this was an imbecilic plan to begin with.”

“I know.”

“And after all I do for you, it’s a bratty gesture.”

“Im sorry.”

“…” He didn’t respond to your silent apologies, still walking onwards, his heavy combat boots tapping loudly against the floor. He was meanwhile carrying you like it was nothing, and for him it probably wasn’t. His arms rested under your thighs, holding your body against his as your arms lazily hung over his shoulders and your head rested on his shoulder, your whole body language displaying defeat, because thats what you were, defeated.

The worst thing was that he wasn’t even wrong, maybe it was imbecilic to plan this out for weeks, only to miserably fail and be carried back like a toddler after throwing a tantrum.

Its been maybe 2… 3 months since this situation had began, and if you didn’t know the experience of a living nightmare, then you did now.

Chains, Belt Straps, Needles, Pills. Those were all images that flashed through your mind when you tried to remember how the time had been so far. The first month was scarce of any memories, you were a fighter most your life, so initially you were fighting him too, tooth and nail, at first he found it cute, but it didn’t take long for him to start pricking and feeding you with fast acting and heavy sedatives. The injections and pills in turn hazed your memory to an extreme, along with lots of other side effects.

The weeks after that were monotone, which was why none of them stayed in your memory much either, he’d monitor your health and gave you vitamin supplements for the lack of sunlight, you initially refused to take them, but after a while, he beat you to it too.

You really thought this could have been it, that you had outsmarted him and found a safe way to get out of there, to get your life back, but no. The faked submission so he’d put his guard down, the extreme weight loss to fit through the tight spaces in means to get out, even the combat your practiced when you were alone, it was for nothing.

Because this was Albert Wesker.

And now you were here, laying pathetically in his arms as he carried you back to the inevitable, a walk of shame. You didn’t want to fight him, no, god no, he’d break you in all senses of the word, no matter how much measly combat you practiced, his reflexes, speed and brute strength would make quick work of it, overpowering you would be easier than squashing a fly.

“I do admire your determination though, my love.”

“…” Your eyes narrowed, because you knew in his eyes determined was just another word for reckless.

“You’ve grown awfully quiet, you know?”

Tears pricked the sides of your eyes.

“I hate you.”

… he chuckled

“I know.”

[peachesofteal]

oh man as much as the end sort of resolves some of the angst in that last baby trap au fic you posted, with johnny and simon more or less clinging to bee as a reminder of their darling, i have to imagine that it isn’t that simple, and it doesn’t stay that neat

you kinda touched upon it earlier in that piece with johnny’s pov and him finding out and everything, saying that they did this to you, but i like to imagine that despite having bee as a reminder of darling, everything still kind of just fractures for simon and johnny (sort of like in your au with darling setting the house on fire and killing herself)

like, maybe it’s a few months in to caring for bee, and while it’s nice—it’s nice to have a daughter that reminds them of you—johnny just always figured it’d be the three of you taking care of your kid—that you’d be there with them for every step of the way, and everything would be okay again. but you aren’t—there isn’t even the possibility of you coming back—and the two of them have to grapple with the weight that they did indeed do this to you. if they hadn’t interfered with darling’s birth control—if they hadn’t gotten you pregnant (against your will) in the first place, you’d still be there with them

and maybe they can pretend, for a little while, that everything is okay and that they can get through this, but they can’t pretend forever. eventually reality sets in. eventually the apartment feels too empty without you. bee keeps crying for you and despite their best efforts, simon and johnny can’t seem to soothe her. i imagine that one night amidst bee’s crying that johnny says something off handed to simon, passive aggressive and finger-pointing. maybe he’s been prodding at him for a while—an off-note comment here, a sharp jab there—and simon takes it. he knows the weight of your loss that he bears—that he orchestrated. but this time it escalates. i don’t know the specifics of how, but it does. the hurt grows too sharp. it can’t be tucked away in some dark cupboard any longer. i also don’t know the specifics of the argument beyond addressing the blame and the hurt, but I definitely can imagine johnny asking simon if he “still doesn’t regret it”, a la what he said in that argument they had with darling immediately after the discovery of the tampered pills. idk if johnny would try to leave, again similar to the aftermath of the darling suicide au (though this time with bee in tow); it’s difficult for me to say concretely. would love to hear your thoughts on this if you have the time

anyway, sorry to bother you with my extensive thoughts—i haven’t been able to know rest since i discovered your dead disco series, esp. with all the the juicy aus you keep gifting us. i love your work with every cell in my body (i’ve run a poll and checked…. the results were unanimous). stay safe and healthy, and i hope you have a wonderful day!

I… I-

I have so many thoughts and feelings about this. SO many! The imagery you’ve built here, two tired fathers at their wits end, struggling to keep it together, struggling to take care of Bee, struggling to love one another. Failing miserably.

I think about Johnny, who loves Simon so fucking much, who used to not be able to bear the thought of being apart from him, who now considers… what it might be like, if he was alone. What it might be like, if it was just him and Bee. Johnny can’t reconcile his changed feelings, the way his love has shifted in his heart, and that frightens him, it confuses him. Johnny who’s trying so hard to be a good dad, to take care of the pieces that are left of his family, while neglecting himself. And maybe it doesn’t boil over, maybe it hollows out, leaves him feeling like his love and affection for Si has run dry.

Maybe they get into it, like you mentioned. Maybe it devolves into a yelling match, or something else. Something sadder.

“Was this worth it?” Johnny would cry, holding a screaming Bee to his chest. “You still don’t regret it?”

“Johnny. Don’t.” Simon would snap, pain searing into every syllable.

“You won’t even hold her! Can’ even look at her. Your own daughter!” Johnny’s voice would break, like he’s breaking inside, because he feels so alone, so disconnected, so fucking lost.

And like the “burning down the house” au, Simon is destroyed. Wracked with guilt, he can’t sleep, can’t work, can’t focus on anything. He doesn’t even hold Bee, unless it’s necessary, which puts all the more stress in Johnny. All he does is replay it over and over, the day you discovered the pills, the night you left, the last time he saw you, the phone call. All he wanted was to hold you, and tell you how sorry he was, and tell you how selfish he was, how wrong he was. He wanted to beg your forgiveness. He wanted to bring you home.

Instead, they brought home a jar of ashes and a newborn baby.

🩵

[mi-i-zori]

Run, Boy, Run (Unfinished)

CoD - König

SYNOPSIS : Despite the gruesome news flashing on his television screen, König goes on a walk in the middle of the night. Surely, nothing could go wrong.

WARNINGS : König’s past (bullying), anxiety. This isn’t a good mental health night for the guy, so maybe don’t read if it’s the same for you.

Author’s Note : I wanted to write this for @ghouljams ‘ King Killer Challenge, but got stuck in a writing stump not long after, and I’ve been having a hard time getting out of it. I don’t think I’ll ever finish this, but I guess it’d be sad to simply leave it in a dusty corner of my WIPs. Hope you like it !

I do not allow anyone to re-publish, re-use and/or translate my works, be it here or on any other platform, including AI.

In König’s mind, winter nights possess a charm he has never been able to describe.

When the world slows down, lit up only by artificial lights of which the colours fail to compare to the natural glow of the moon, his heart finds a rhythm even his subconscious tends to forget. The wind seems to freeze every single thing it touches, and it’s as if time itself had decided to slow down, mesmerised by the very idea of resting. König has always struggled to do the same. Instead, he fights constantly against a choir of ghostly laughs, so similar to the cold lingering outside his window. As a whole, it is all somber and strange ; not unlike the ice that keeps devouring the foundations of his being.

It’s familiar, almost. Frighteningly so.

Yet he finds himself unable to find even an ounce of comfort on such a stage of déjà-vu. The spectres’ wails, lost in the invisible abyss hidden behind his own carcass, refuse to cease. The dark circles lining his face keep getting deeper as his eyes fall onto the semi-darkness of his apartment ; the cacophony of his thoughts is so dense it has become impossible to decipher.

He barely has the courage to turn on the lamp standing next to his couch, the light defining his tired profile so bright despite the thick lampshade muffling its glow. A small table holds a box of pills in front his silent judgment, akin to a frightened servant bowing in front of their beloved king.

A bitter taste coats König’s tongue, and he can’t seem to pinpoint its source - the infusion he drank a few moments ago, or the nauseating sight standing in front of him.

His gaze is heavy as he focuses on the sleeping pills. The very idea of ingesting one of them in order to spend a peaceful night is tempting ; he already did it multiples times before, although the nature of the pills he once used to take was much different. He would do anything to tame his nightmares ; but his time in the army changed him. He can no longer stand the feeling of vulnerability gnawing at his insides whenever he wakes up after following his doctor’s orders. The need to keep a hand in every single aspect of his existence only gets stronger each time, ruining the few hours of rest he accumulated while unconscious. What was meant to appease his mind only made things worse, and he can’t afford to succumb to the loss of control looming over his horizon.

The memory of his trembling reflection in the mirror, of the stranger sharing his face looking back at him with eyes painted red with fear, anger and exhaustion, launches a trembling assault down his spine - a series of painful shivers he only suffers from when lost on the battlefield of his thoughts. The little pills are crushed under the iron of his grasp, only finding their salvation at the bottom of the trash can.

A new weight falls upon his chest at the thought, tearing a sign from his lips. He raises a hand to the back of his neck, hoping to find a little bit of clean air among the pollution of his mind and lungs. His memories bounce around the walls of his skull, set free by an endless asthaenia. Akin to a crowd of gladiators thrown in their favourite arena, they lunge towards him, ready to bring him down in order to save their own lives. Usually, he would face them with ice in his eyes and steel in his veins - but not now.

The midnight news ramble once more about a peculiar and terrifying series of accidents haunting the streets of the neighbourhood. But König doesn’t care about the wide fatal wounds found on the victims of what only seems to be a monster, nor about the wild thoughts of Pale Crawlers a bunch of idiots like to spread on the internet. To him, this only sounds like a bunch of gang fights, or robberies that turned badly, hidden behind a crude story for children. So, without even thinking about it twice, he throws a simple leather jacket on his shoulders, in the pockets of which he stores his keys and phone. As if anyone would be suicidal enough to even try to corner someone of his stature.

They did, though, a fearful voice in his head rumbles, multiple times. The memory of his school years is littered with mockeries and hits ; bruises and broken bones ; whispers and side glances. Though reaching his current height also came with a small share of admiration, it didn’t stop the usual bullies - it even encouraged them instead, prompting them to rally more people to their « monster hunt ».

The front door of the building quickly makes way for the usual chill coating the city’s winter nights, pushing the hurtful visions aside. The soldier shivers behind his black surgical mask, mumbling about how he will never get used to his civilian clothes. The small rectangle of polypropylene leaves him feeling naked against a world of which he only wishes to avoid the gaze ; but he still decides to make his way down the barely lit street, silent under the glow of the moon.

If his own mind keeps threatening to break the ice on which he tries to find shelter, perhaps a cold winter night could help him strengthen it.

He doesn’t really have a destination in mind. Instead, he lets his legs carry him slowly while he focuses on his surroundings. If he happens to cross paths with a few cars, the majority of the streets is still empty. His heartbeat echoes in their silence, and he can’t help but notice how different they sound from the usual noise crowding the corridors of a military base. He starts counting the lights paving his way, but quickly decides to stop as the shadows they create play with his tired eyes, each one following an unexpected dance on the sides of his vision. He fights himself to ignore them, and it’s only when his jaw starts aching that he realises how tense he is, his demons immediately laughing at his pitiful state.

You’re such a big guy, they cackle, an erratic choir in the back of his head, yet you’re afraid of a few shadows ?

- Pathetic, he mumbles, and hisses once noticing how easily their voices mix with his.

The war machine he has become is not made for living in such a normal, peaceful environment. If there once was a time when he saw silence as a form of salvation, he now only sees it as the calm before the storm, a veil hiding an inevitable danger. The gruesome news reports spewed by his TV monitor suddenly make an appearance in his mind, as if trying to mock him further. He forces himself to burn them over and over, ignoring the way the shadows seem to erratically creep closer to his own.

Through the barred up display window of a nearby store, a clock strikes two in the morning. König stops for a moment to read it, blinded by the eclectic signals of a neon sign. The light assaults his eyes like a wildfire raging in a forest during summer, and he only looks away once it drags a tear along his cheek. It burns only for a second before dying on the synthetic fabric covering his face - but the frost comes back quickly, and a part of him regrets not thinking about wearing a scarf.

He tends to forget more and more about such things, he realises. As if he didn’t have the strength to care for himself anymore.

He stays here for a moment, blinking the light away in the middle of the sidewalk, before finally resuming his walk.

[moodr1ng]

taking further weight/fatphobia/ed/general depression vents under readmore lol

cause like i cannot express how genuinely bad the fatphobia i have against myself is. like. when i picture myself in my head, in the future, i always imagine myself as skinny, bc ive lived my entire adult (and teen) life thinking of my body as a temporary impediment which ill eventually fix. early last year i thought i finally had and was so happy and then gained all the weight back. and idk what to do about it bc i have tried so so so hard to just 'accept being fat' and as i have said again i do not understand how that is possible in this society and i have never managed to get anywhere close to that and dont know how to.

and as a result of this i have considered like. every awful awful option out there for losing weight. like, i tried to get my doctor to prescribe me diet pills. i looked into ozempic and the only reason im NOT trying to illegally get some is that its for diabetic people and it harms them to take from the limited supply. i looked into various weight loss surgeries (be it bariatric surgery, which i cant get bc im not fat enough to qualify, or liposuccion but even if i could realistically afford it i hear it doesnt work in the long run). ive starved myself so much, tried so many diets, so many sports, never managed to stay on for long enough to maintain the results. no joke, i have considered developing a heroin or coke habit EXCLUSIVELY to lose weight, and the reason im not doing that is its too expensive. i complain about my adhd meds giving me food disgust but tbh every time it happens im also relieved bc it means i wont be able to eat for a few days. idk what to do anymore bc this is ruining my life and has been ruining my life for most of it.

i literally feel so worthless, ridiculous and unloveable specifically bc of my weight, and in particular the way its disposed on my body. i would be fine having fat arms, fat thighs, i would probably dig having a fat ass and chest and hips tbh! but i store all my fat on my belly and thats the one part i dont want to be fat, as well as my face and neck. this is such a massive block for me tbh. like, when i talk to new people i always feel like theyre looking down on me or find me pathetic because im fat (and bc im short which is my other major insecurity - i feel like being tall and fat is acceptable but not being short and fat). i dont take any compliments i get at face value bc i feel like everyone is just being nice by pretending like i could EVER be good looking. the only time ive ever felt attractive since i was a young teen was when i had lost the weight last year, and i couldnt maintain that bc it was so stringent.

sometimes when i think "i might be fat for the rest of my life and never manage to maintain being thin" i contemplate suicide over it. its like, the one thing about me i can never accept. i used to have so much internalized racism as a kid/young teen but i eventually got over that and came to appreciate my non-white features and even wish i had inherited more of my mothers looks (like her hair). i used to be so insecure about not being masculine enough but today im actually more into being kind of androgynous. i used to hate everything about myself and ive gotten much better about a lot of it. i dont hate my facial features or my hands or my legs or my arms anymore. i just hate my weight. and its the one thing i cant fucking get rid of.

and like, ive tried so hard to just.. look at other people ik with similar body types who i think are super attractive and think "if theyre attractive and they look like me, surely i could be too?" but it never works no matter what. and i mean, ik outside of like, societal fatphobia, a big part of it is my ed right. like obviously as long as i have an ed that is focused on wanting to lose weight im never gonna be able to accept being fat. but i cant get help for my ed bc there are no resources. and there are no medical professionals who will help me accept being fat bc theyre also fatphobic and they only want to help me lose weight, and they cant even manage to do that.

im just extremely tired of it all. every day i wish i was skinny. i can live w all the rest. i just need to be thin. i dont even need to be bone thin or whatever i just wanna be average. and its so fucking hard for so many reasons. i can almost never cook for myself bc of The Mental Shit. if i do cook for myself its rly hard to do anything complicated so its often not very balanced or healthy. and i rely so much on fast food, takeout and frozen meals bc of this inability to cook. and then theres the emotional shit - bc ever since i was little ive binged whenever i felt anything. bored? binge. angry? binge. sad? binge. happy? binge. theres no emotional state that doesnt wanna make me binge. and the only way i can stave it off is like.. either indulge in other vices (drugs alcohol etc) or just. dip into the restriction part of the ed and start starving myself again. and ofc once it becomes unbearable.. more binging. idk. idk. im at a loss. no one can help. and theres so many things piled on top of each other that make everything impossible.

im not even just talking about the weight - i mean everything in my life is like this carefully balanced tower of cards where each bad thing supports another bad thing supporting another bad thing until it builds into this massive self-sustaining network of dysfunction.

its like. i wake up in the morning (still tired from whatever the hell is wrong w my sleep, probably didnt sleep enough or too much, either way feeling bad). my room is a mess and theres fruit flies everywhere bc of the heat and i need to clean, but bc i woke up exhausted and feeling sick i have no energy to. i go get some water and theres a pile of dishes in the sink that are getting grosser and grosser but the idea of washing them is so daunting i cant bring myself to. i need to shower, but showering is such a hard task, and then if i shower i also need to brush my teeth and take care of my hair and thats so much energy. and if i do all that, well, i havent done the laundry in like 2 weeks so i have nothing clean to wear, so if im gonna shower i should do the laundry so i dont just get clean to put on dirty clothes right. and doing the laundry and hanging the stuff to dry is also such a hard task. and then if im clean and wearing clean clothes, am i just gonna get back in my dirty bed? i also need to change the bedsheets, and i hate doing that. and if im gonna change the sheets then i probably should fucking clean the bedroom, right. and i dont have the energy to do literally any of that. so im dirty, my room is dirty, my kitchen is dirty, i feel like shit, im tired, i havent eaten anything yet. maybe a decent meal would help. but a meal means cleaning some pot and pan to cook stuff in. and then it means cleaning it again after im done cooking, and also cleaning the dishes. and fucking hell i cant do that. so i think, maybe ill go to the convenience store and get a sandwich. but that means i need to get dressed and do my hair and i probably smell bed and i cant just go out like this and im SO TIRED. so i go to order takeout. and sure i could get something fresh and healthy like a poke bowl or something, but thatll cost me like 25 bucks, and i could just get a burger and fries for 10. so i get that. and i dont feel any better, because ive been eating carbs, sugar, and some shitty processed meat near-exclusively for the past several years. and im so tired and feel so awful and so guilty and so gross, so i just start smoking and drinking. maybe if im lucky ill do some art or whatever. and thats how my day goes and then ill go to sleep in my unchanged sheets unshowered laundry undone room dirty dishes piled up. have a bunch of nightmares wake up drenched in sweat etc. and do the same thing tomorrow.

and idk how to fix any of this bc its a cycle right. like where do i start? i feel like i cant do anything bc everything is SO heavy SO tiring SO daunting and im just so exhausted. i want to sleep for 10 years. i want to be happy again. but whenever im not happy i forget how it felt to be happy. so theres nothing to look forward to. and then i think about killing myself again. and thats just how it goes.

ig thats why im so so hopeful to actually get an at-home aid who can get me to do chores and get groceries and shit bc that might actually be the one thing that breaks the cycle, cause i definitely cant do it by myself.

[pleaseeeimjustagirl]

♡Weekly Chronicles♡

Hey babes! I haven't done a weekly chronicle in so longgg but I have some good updates because I missed you girlies<3 Welcome to my new girliesss!

♡Education♡

The semester has officially started and so far I like all my classes. I decided to do 18 credits worth of classes this semester and I didn't realize how busy my schedule would be until last week lol. I'm trying to find a way to reorganize my schedule because babes it is a lot. I have a bunch of items I need to get a few textbooks I will try and order this week but other than that it has been very simple since it is the first full week of the semester I don’t expect them to do too much. I hope all my college girlies are doing well let's buckle in and get this semester done so we can be hot girls all summer lol. Side note there is this really cute guy in a few classes near me and I see him all the time he is soooo cute lol he's blonde and tall I had a math class with him I believe a year ago never said anything to him and I don’t plan he’s just cute lol.

♡Mental♡

I have been great mentally. So far this year I have been super organized when it comes to my goals and habits so it has made me feel secure knowing I am going down the right path. I need to pay for my refill of my antidepressants I like to call them my happy pills. They have helped me a lot these past 3 months because I remember last year around this time I was so depressed Seasonal depression affected my motivation and goals, so I didn't accomplish much. Thankfully this year is different. Also, I've been working on saying more affirmations I sometimes have a tough time looking in the mirror, especially around the time of my period but I'm constantly reminding myself I'm beautiful self-love is a continuous journey and to be patient.

♡Physical♡

I have been sticking to my diet plan! It has been working I've been seeing major results of course I have slip-ups sometimes but I get right back on and  I don't judge myself because I'm human and weight loss will not be linear. I can’t wait to reach my goal I still have more pounds to go but I got this! I've been super strict on my skincare routine and I've been seeing results with that as well my dark spots are slowly fading and I'm super happy. I recently cut my hair so I’m on a hair growth journey now. So if you have any tips especially if you have 4a, 4b, and 4c hair I'd love some tips below, and even if you don’t please share babes<3

♡Hobbies♡

My schedule has been super hectic. So now I'm trying to figure out how to organize my hobbies into my schedule but also trying to keep balance so I don't become overwhelmed. Pilates has been amazing I love the burn it's so addictive I can’t wait to get back into weightlifting in the second quarter of the year! I want to learn how to create flower arrangements so I can keep fresh flowers in my home. I'm still looking into new hobbies so I can have some excitement in my life outside of school. I tried some hobbies during the break and realized certain hobbies aren’t for me and some are. Also, I have been on it with my Italian! By the end of this year, I want to be bilingual. Every time I practice it makes me want to book a trip to Italy just to speak Italian with Italians lol.

I love chatting with you babes and want you girlies to chat back<3 so let me know what you have planned this week and how was your weekend Love you babes we are almost at 200 followers<3

[heavenlydeceptor]

Jim Jones + Addictions

Before starting abusing drugs in 1971, he mostly took medication to treat his known ailments, even though it is also known he was already using prescription drugs like Darvon for migraines. Even then, he often took more than the recommended dosage.

His known medication before 1971 was Insulin for his diabetes (diagnosed in 1954, along with high blood pressure), and Nitroglycerin for his heart.

Sometime around 1971, he started to heavily abuse drugs like Amphetamines, Quaaludes, and later liquid Valium and Morphine, Pentorbarbital, Percodan, Oxycodone, …That same year he also started wearing sunglasses at times, his drugs use being one of the reasons. 

He often mixed his pills with alcohol, generally Vodka, Whiskey or Cognac, an habit he kept up until the end in Jonestown.

There are reports he was using cocaine and heroin at some point, but there are no other details about it, beside the testimony of Neva Sly Hargrave and Tim Carter (who mentioned only Heroin).

The drug he certainly abused the most though was Amphetamines (not to be confused with Methamphetamine). He took it to stay awake, often working 20-hour days or even more, and get up in the morning. His known paranoia was then fueled even more by the drug intake. People in the congregation had no idea of his addiction and the majority thought the short and long time side effects of the drug were due to some chronic illness. Among the side effects he experienced : quicker reaction time, feeling of energy, chronic trouble sleeping, dry mouth, headache, hostility, severe anxiety, increased heart rate, hypertension, paranoia, violent behavior, convulsions, loss of coordination, obsessive behavior.

A side effect he did not seem to experience with Amphetamine abuse was loss of appetite. Amphetamines can be used as appetite suppressants and in diet pills, but he often talked about food and how he had to try to resist it. In 1972 he made a few references to fasting to lose some weight quickly, and in 1974, he said he can get into a “food problem” because it keeps his mind from thinking. Food  was mentioned by Stephan as another addiction for his father, just like drugs. 

Quaaludes and Pentorbarbital were used to sleep at night. If he doubled the dosage of Amphetamine, he actually tripled the recommended dosage to sleep. At high doses Pentorbarbital can cause mental confusion, irritability, paranoid or suicidal ideation and impair judgment, and coordination.

Once in Jonestown he relied more and more on Valium for his anxiety. In February 1978, he was prescribed antibiotics for his cough (which later resulted in a lung infection),Terramycin, Erythromycin and Ampicillin. As with all medications, he also abused them, and natural defenses can be affected by their excessive use. Around September 1978, he started using Elavil and Placidyl for depression, both by injection.

At the time of his death, a lethal dose of Pentorbarbital was found in his body as shown in the toxicology report from his autopsy:

The Cult That Died by George Klineman:

Jim occasionally suffered a condition speed freak call being “over amped.” Sounds would be exaggerated; a car’s horn was enough to drive him up the walls. He would get wild-eyes and threaten to attack people who annoyed him, but guards always held him back before he did any harm. One time at the Temple in Los Angeles, Jim Jones had taken a bunch of pills — he selected them by color — and the locomotive inside him had built up such a head of steam, the boiler was ready to explode. He had to walk off all that energy. Jones and others walked out a side door on to South Alvarado Street. Father was rushing and everyone in his group had to walk faster than normal, to keep up with him. Suddenly he stopped. He turned around and push the guards away.  “Are you alright, Father?”  “Did you hear that?”  ”Hear what?”  “Did you hear the baby frog croaking?”

Raven by Tim Reiterman :

“Marceline became concerned about this new source of friction and psychological problems. It came to a head once when she grabbed the stash from his medicine chest and, while Jones struggled with her, flushed his drugs down the toilet.”

Jim Jones Jr. :

“Once after I went to Georgetown I had to come back with somebody from the Guyanese government who wanted to do an inspection [of Jonestown], and also talk to Jim. We get there, and no Jim. I go to his cottage, and he’s lying there passed out from drugs. So here I am, dragging my father into the shower and standing in there with him, trying to get him in shape to go out and talk to the guest.”

[copperbadge]

Hey Sam, any chance you can talk a bit more about saffron at some point? I've not encountered it as a possible ADHD treatment before and am curious what you meant about finding it not helpful at higher doses. Does it just not work, does it kinda work but have an annoying side effect or two, etc etc. Thinking I might give it a go, but I'm on 60mg of rubifen a day (2 pills in morning, one early afternoon) and want to have an idea of where to place my expectations :)

The saffron thing is pretty new overall as well as new to me, and I tend to side-eye "natural" cures because generally when natural cures work they, you know, become medicine. There's also very little regulation on natural remedies/vitamins so it's always a toss-up as to what's actually in the capsules; when I went looking for saffron pills, all of them seemed sketchy, made and sold by the kind of place that'll sell you gunpowder tea for weight loss. (I ended up going with Nootropics simply because they put most of the info on the bottle.)

I heard about saffron as an ADHD treatment from a woman I was speaking to who's got three kids with ADHD, all under 15, and was having trouble getting their meds. We originally started talking because I was offering tips on how to find pharmacies that might have larger stocks of Adderall during the shortage, and she tuned into the conversation since trying to get three 30-day scrips for Adderall filled at once really sucked. She told me she'd tried saffron after hearing about it on an ADHD Parenting community, and that it was helping her kids with the hyperactivity element, though she wasn't sure if it was helping them with focus and executive function. The study here seems to be the main source of data on it, and it's admittedly a small study, but the fact that it is being studied by actual scientists is somewhat reassuring.

The recommended dosage is 30mg/day of the saffron, which I've been taking for a couple of weeks on top of the first dose of Adderall (and daily vitamins). I really only have my own experience to go on but it seems to me to act as an enhancer for the Adderall; gives it a little kick, at least it feels like. It doesn't seem to do much on its own for me. On the one hand, the placebo effect can be mighty, but on the other, I'm a reasonably skeptical person who hasn't been subject to placebo effect during drug trials in the past, so I think what I'm feeling is a real effect, it's just very mild. (A while back I tried Rhodiola, which is another commonly-recommended herbal supplement for ADHD, and didn't feel like it did anything.)

On top of 10mg of Adderall, the 30mg Saffron works pretty well, seems to intensify it a bit. I do take 20mg of Adderall on occasion but unless I'm super tired or stressed, it's too much -- it pushes me through productive and back out into scattered -- so the saffron intensifying 20mg is way, way too much, even if I need the 20mg. If I'm taking both doses at once I leave the saffron capsule in the pill box.

Overall, the science is still a bit shaky, but less shaky than a lot of non-prescription cures out there, and Saffron's pretty safe to use. Even if it's not doing anything, the only real consequence is I'm out $22 for the bottle. I might go off it for a bit once the bottle's done and see if I notice a downswing. All my data is pretty highly subjective, so all I can recommend is trying it out for yourself.

[hallaheart]

evie

talking about pet loss

today is day 6, or day 7 from when we first learned the situation last thursday and made our decision to let go of Evie for her quality of life. Right now, we are doing as okay as we can be. Evie was a cat who was always around us or in our shadow, so her not being around hits pretty hard just because her behavior and where she liked to hang out was predictable. The situation was that Evie had a dental cleaning just before we flew to Philly for a good friend's wedding a few weeks ago. She has not been grooming lately, but we and the vet suspected it was because she needed a lot of dental work done. During the dental cleaning, they found a mass under her tongue and did a biopsy. When we got back we got the news that the biopsy revealed it was a squamous cell carcinoma which is a highly aggressive tumor and apparently the most common kind to affect kitty mouths. We met with a vet oncologist last Thurs who examined her and found that in just the time since the biopsy one week before that the tumor had actually grown at a pretty alarming rate. E was not able to eat or drink on her own almost all of last week and was hiding/not very active, though she still was sitting with us and purring with pets and love. The treatments available for the tumor were all basically pretty extreme….chemo pills (which she had to be able to swallow whole on her own, which she physically could not do) and a feeding tube. And we had a long talk with the vet who explained (really well) that basically any treatment would have the goal of just keeping her where she currently was vs it getting worse, and obviously… the place where she was was not a good quality of life. There was not any treatment for E that was actually a bridge to having a healthy cat back--it would just basically buy her more time at a really poor quality of life until eventually she would die in a lot of pain and suffering because she couldn't eat or drink. The week before was the most stressful week of my life because of how much I was worried about her not eating. She lost a ton of weight in just a few days. The choice of course is not easy, but there was no other choice we could make where we would have done right by her. So we talked with the vet and brought Evie home Thursday night and scheduled her appointment for Friday morning. We got one last evening with her and her last morning she hung out in all the sunniest patches of the house, even laying on her side for a bit and relaxing. She's only been kind of tightly loafing lately because it was obvious she was in a lot of pain, so seeing her relaxed just felt like... she might have known it would be over soon and could accept it. When we came back to the vet Friday and it was time, i was able to hold her in my lap for the whole time, in one of her blankies, as she fell asleep and then right up to the end. The moment was actually very peaceful and it felt right and beautiful that i got to hold her. they had a white noise machine in the room that i have at home, which i use every night, so i turned that on to the setting we use at bedtime, and we played Asleep by the Smiths and I held her so tight. She was so calm and peaceful, and I felt such a weight off my chest even though it was over. We were so lucky in many ways with this. We got a very certain picture of her diagnosis and her outlook for treatment, a really great vet staff who were compassionate, honest, and helpful in every step of the road and careful to explain everything to us. Most people don't have the luxury of one more night with their pets, or of knowing that the choice to put a pet to sleep is the only right one versus having to choose not to pursue expensive courses of treatment. It's been a weird couple days because occasionally i get so sad, but i also have not felt like the sadness was insurmountable

She was my best friend and my soul cat, she slept with me every night so the first night without her was so hard. I held the blankie so tight. This morning was tough because Luna has really seemed to realize that she's gone. She woke us up early and spent hours running around the house checking all the spots where Evie has been hiding while sick. This destroyed me. We tried to explain to her the whole time, because I don't know if she can understand us, but we try to explain it to her. It's been about 6 days now. It feels like a lifetime, and also like it just happened yesterday. There's two things that still punch me in the gut everytime--getting back and opening the front door and only having one cat run to greet me, and then going to bed every night alone makes me feel like I'm going to puke.

Losing Evie just feels so soon. It was such a fast decline from the biopsy news to the vet appointment to the final day. It sounds kind of bad--but Luna is so much older that i thought we'd be on this hell ride with Luna first because we've only had Evie for about 9 years and she was only about a year old when I got her. I wish she was with us longer. I miss her so much, but im also glad and honored that like, i could be the one to take on all the pain she was feeling so she doesn't have to suffer anymore... But it also really fucking sucks to lose my best friend no matter how hard I try to be stoic about it. Its been up and down, for a while im doing like so okay, and I forget, but then like I do a goofy run to the bathroom to shower, and forget that she wasn't there to chase me like she always does, and then I cry my eyes out in the shower.

She loved to sit on me while i was gaming on my laptop or during meetings at work. She always liked to scratch the back of my work chair and if I put my desk in standing mode or get up to go get a drink, i came back to her sitting in my chair like it was the throne. She loved to be on camera, so playing DND on Discord this week was so hard. I had a lump in my throat the whole time and it was hard to focus. Same with work meetings.

And it was so fast how bad she got? It was such a decline like just over the week in how she was feeling, and then it was so fast from the vet oncologist to the end, but also like... she was doing so bad Friday morning as far as eating/drinking that if i hadn't scheduled it already i would have called them and been like, we need to do it today. I couldn't bear another week of her not eating and hiding. She could hardly move or respond to things. There was a moment Thurs night that i got up in the middle of the night and i was a little afraid she was already gone, she was so still.

Evie and I had a bond literally almost from the first moment we met; we were visiting some cats because we wanted to get a buddy for Luna and we picked her up--she had just arrived in the shelter, and she put her chin on my shoulder, hugged me and purred like a 747. And that was just how she always was ever since, even at the very end she was so happy to be held and so at peace in my arms. Sharing the last picture I took of her the morning of. I love this picture. She was so relaxed that morning, enjoying watching the lizards outside from the sunniest patch. She laid on my chest and purred, like she always did.

the world is so much grayer without her in it

[pbs-theundeadmaggot]

first love // smiling as I burn

🎶 smiling as I burn by capsize

(AU) Steve Harrington x fem!reader

[a/n] just a filler part for now but its gonna get difficult from here on out, if you want your feelings hurt look out for the next part! hopefully coming by the end of the week

[warnings?] hurt feelings (I promise it will get better... at some point)

first love masterlist here!

For such an ungodly hour of the morning anyone would’ve thought you’d drunk your weight in coffee beforehand, that mixed in with a ten hour flight was a blackout waiting to happen. However, Robin couldn’t be mad by your energetic exterior which strongly juxtaposed her somewhat agitated mood, after all she knew what you and Steve shared was special and as much as she hated cliches, you were meant to be. 

It had taken months of difficult conversations over multiple bottles of wine for you to even admit that you still held feelings for the chocolate haired boy. It wasn’t a secret amongst the group but more of an unspoken thing that you kept buried deep inside, to be dealt with at a later date except the date had come. In less than a month you’d be turning thirty and joining the “thirty, flirty and thriving” crew although for you it leaned more towards the “thirty, unflirty and crying” crew. Hopefully Steve could change that for you and not just because of the pact you’d made almost ten years ago. 

“Thank fuck, one more minute being the third wheel to the lovebirds and I would’ve gladly thrown myself out the car, ruined the hair and all.” The unmistakably boyish voice of Eddie echoed through the quiet terminal entrance. Unable to process his words Robin had thankfully shot him a glare before grabbing ahold of your shoulders and pulling you towards the nearest restroom, aware Eddie would be stalling the pair for the sake of your sanity that quickly slipped away.

“Are you okay?” Robin’s usually husky voice replaced by a softer and almost pitiful one. You were pretty sure the world has stopped spinning, unsure if you could even speak or if you were stunned into silence. The only feeling that rushed through every fibre of your body being an uncomfortable ache that settled deep into the roots of your bones as if making a permanent home there. Loss and grief hitting you and for what?, for someone who was never yours in the first place. Not only had you missed your chance at possibly being more than a best friend, but now you’d also lost the opportunity to tell him explicitly how you felt. The self-doubt weighing down on your previously worn out and tired heart as you pondered on how exactly you were going to survive a ten hour flight let alone a week with both Steve and his girlfriend. 

“Look I’m sure its not that serious after all he would’ve told us if it was. And you know what Eddie’s like, he probably misread the whole situation.” Attempting to get any sign of life from your statuesque state, the only give away that you were in fact breathing and alive being the gentle rise and fall from your chest and the uncontrollable blinking in an effort to stop the tears that pooled at the corners of your eyes from falling like a waterfall. 

“You reckon Eddie has any pills on him right now?” Breaking the dragging silence. “Shit, maybe I should just go check before he scoffs them all.” You babbled trying anything to keep your mind from racing with thoughts about the man who stood less than 20ft away with what seems to be the love of his life, wrapped in his stupidly comfortable arms probably listening to the annoyingly calming beat of his heart, the heart that also most likely beat just for her, like she was the reason he was alive. The reason for being.

 Fuck it was going to be a long trip.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

[a/n]Reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated and encouraged!

other works available here!

want to be tagged in the next part? leave a comment

taglist: @freezaz123

[losingweightandcarkeys]

rating natural weight loss supplements I've tried

apple cider vinegar, 10/10 , so I have to learn how to use this, but eating it before meals make me feel full on a much smaller portion then usually. I need to remember to take this every time before dinner. also, at least for me, this only works in pill form, and taking a smaller dose. pills because the messes up my throat, and a smaller dose because if I take to much I just get really sick rather then just feeling not hungry.

metamucil, 2/10 this made me less hungry, it also made me horribly, painfully constipated. precede with caution

lemon water, 7/10 I think the main bonus of this is it's something you can order at a restaurant without anyone caring. there is some evidence to suggest that it actually make the food you eat have less calories because it limits your ability to digest the food( same with apple cider vinegar). it seems to be a small effect, but like, why not? as an appetite suppression, eh. it's better then nothing.

green tea 4/10, I feel like this doesn't not work? it's a nice thing to have on my lunch break while I'm fasting, but I don't think it makes me feel full for any longer then it takes for me to finish the cup. theoretically it may or may not have long term weight loss benefits, but the difference is to subtle for me to notice. I still drink it though, if only because tea is tasty

berberine, 0/10 I tried this several times because the science is there, and this clearly work for some people. but every time I tried it, without fail, I binged like crazy. like, 4000 calorie, eat everything in the fridge while standing in the kitchen binged. I didn't necessarily feel hungry, but just, fundamentally unsatisfied no matter how much I ate.

coffee, 8/10, my sweet, my love. I drink both decaff and caffeinated and they both work the same hungry wise. caffeinated coffee is really good for before a workout to get a boost. all coffee works to make me not hungry for 2-3 hours, and then it wears off. drinking more coffee has diminishing effect, and it doesn't seem reduce how much I eat at meals. it is really nice to keep around though. plus coffee is apparently really good for long term health.

[starcrossed-sky]

wait... not being able to kneel without extreme pain is a disability thing? i've always been told i was just fat and needed to lose weight then this wouldn't happen anymore 😭

Movement restrictions are never "just fat." Unless the case is, quite literally, that the fat prevents the motion - which due to the way fat zones vs joints works, pretty much only happens at the waist - there is some form of underlying issue.

That said... Why are you separating "fat" and "disability"? To be disabled is simply a statement that you can't do something the way a better-abled person can. It says nothing about the cause. Fat can be a contributing factor to disability (it sure doesn't help my back problems!), it's just rarely the cause in and of itself. "I can't kneel" is a disability, regardless of the cause.

In my case, the inability to kneel is at the confluence of a couple of factors. The first is that I have what I'm pretty sure is a congenital pelvic deformation, potentially a congenital femur deformation, which prevents me from sitting with my knees together in any position. (You can also tell when I'm standing because I stand with my feet in a V, rather than parallel. Neither of these things is typical.) Add that to the autism superpower "hypersensitivity to pain," particularly knobby/no-fat-cushion knees, and yes, the amount of weight involved, and you have a position that's at most mildly uncomfortable to the average person but legitimately painful for me. I Cannot Kneel.

All of that said... Anon, I promise you that I am not saying this to be unkind. But you know that there is not actually a way to lose meaningful weight and be a healthy person, right? There is no diet nor exercise routine nor miracle pill nor surgery that can provide that to you. Weight loss works in a five year span in under 1% of cases, and those cases are all people who are dedicated enough to starving themselves (which is a serious health issue) to do it. A doctor who tells you that weight loss is possible and a goal you should hope to achieve is, at best, willfully ignorant on the subject. If you're looking for sources on this you can find a bunch in my diet culture tag at the bottom of this post.

If inability to kneel specifically affects your quality of life, then I'd advise you to work with a physical therapist on it. NOT a doctor. A physical therapist is the specialist you go to for "hey my body does not move in the way I want it to move, can we do anything about that?" They're the ones who are going to be able to help you find alternatives that suit your body.

[sentimental-idiot25]

REQUESTS UPDATES (last updated 7/10)

Hello hello all!! Going to put the progress of my requested work here in a pinned message! I work on the requested work in the order they come in!! 1. DONE AND POSTED Sasuke was always jealous of sakura for having a family and thought she never understood his loneliness or what he went through because she wasn't an orphan or from a clan etc. Then he met her family after they were married and all of them were rude to sakura or looked down on her for being a ninja and marrying a "traitor" etc. and they picked on her weight and stuff... and sasuke realised why she was the way she was when they were genin..insecure as he saw her who's usually strong shrink into the small insecure girl she was when she was a genin because of them. Mebuki does all the slandering and badmouths everything about sakura. sasuke thought sakura's dad would defend sakura or smth but he agrees with mebuki. Sakura is sad when she leaves but thinks she's wrong and selfish for not being the perfect daughter they wanted. (maybe introduce a cousin staying with sakura's parents who was also there at the meeting and mebuki talks about her as if she were her daughter...she basically replaced sakura) Combined with:

Hi i know you're busy but when you have time could you do one where sasuke sees that sakura's mother really doesn't like her (sakura) for being a ninja and all that and looks down on what she does. Everything sakura does is wrong in her mother's eyes and her weight is picked on. etc.

Sakura's mother feels that she wasted her time raising "ungrateful" sakura who fell in love with a traitor, basically ran away and got married, became a shinobi and did everything to "shame" the civilian haruno family name. She makes sakura feel like a failure.

2.

In conclusion, sasuke has been very suicidal from the beginning on and probably still sometimes has suicidal thoughts during boruto (out of regret, grief, etc.). sasuke's suicidal ideation has been implied in multiple scenes throughout the whole show, (not only the scenes i've named) which was mainly caused by his yearning for revenge on itachi, his guilt/grief from the loss of his family and the regret of his actions during his teenage years.

The above is from a blog (sweetmourninglambs) about sasuke. I was wondering if you could maybe make a sasusaku snippet based on this post? Pls if it's not much trouble?

Here's the link if you want to read the whole thing: https://www.tumblr.com/sweetmourninglambs/717956632409210880/tw-mentions-of-suicide-suicidal-ideation?source=share

3.

Sakura addicted to soldier pills in cannon after the war. they relied on them heavily during the war now she finds any excuse to take them. Oh stubbed my toe, i need 3 soldier pills. I need to heal! She's also scared that her byakugou could run out, what if this idk-how-many-yrs supply runs out, better take a few soldier pills.

Maybe it could be told from her pov and the perspectives of the ppl around her like team7 (naruto sasuke kakashi sai yamato)

4. Well I was thinking of a fic where Sasuke is hiding or sneaking around – maybe planning a surprise for Sakura? – but Sakura knows he's hiding and decides to have a little fun. So she summons a shadow clone and begins to, like, fool around with herself. She's doing it just to get a rise out of Sasuke because she knows he's hiding. 5.can u do a little snippet about sasusaku right after sasuke came back to konoha after his redemption journey, after naruto and hinata's wedding??

[koreposion]

The dim hum of fluorescent lights filled the work space. An office that doubled as a lab in order to keep everything in tact and sorted. Old solutions to new ones were filed away nearly in cabinets. Medicine bottles and salves were kept stored away in multiple methods. Hawk always worked diligently, if no one else could do it he could.

He had worked his whole life to get where he is now and wasn't stopping anytime soon. He was testing different reactions with new medication he was developing, just to make sure it was safe for consumption. It was important that it worked the way he wanted to while also not causing any further harm to the sickly.

Indigo's blood was a wonderful asset even if it was hard to work with at times. He had used to before as it was a useful ingredient, especially when it came to curing the effects of air born poisons. A common problem when Heros and Villians would do what they wanted for the sake of their goals. Leaving residential areas unhabitable even if the mundane couldn't live anywhere else.

The loss of life was not worth the struggle of those with power. If they put more care into their actions then many people wouldn't even be worse off. It only befits them when those who can afford treatment try to get it. Those who cannot simply die and whatever is left of their life crumbles.

Hawk grinded crystal blood into powder mixing it with other dry herbs and chemicals. Solid medicine would be better than liquid medicine, even if some weren't the best at taking it. He made sure that they could at least be paired with juice or tea, coffee wasn't something someone should be drinking if they were here. He used a tray to shape the power into pills, a careful process to make sure they didn't break.

He then went to freeze them while taking out another tray. If he was correct in his inventory of the medical cabinet some would need a refill soon. It was better to get it done now and make sure it was in there before they bottles ran out. When it came to taking medicine a schedule was important, seeing as the side effects manifested differently. It would be unwise to do anything that required focus while feeling lethargic.

He gently popped the pills out of their container. Counting them before making sure none of them had cracked. He then placed them into a bottle to take up to the front later.

He sat down for a moment to check the files of the most recent patients. He could only keep a certain number at a time and Indigo had a habit of... eliminating those unworthy of care. Even though they stay in the clinic disorderly behavior was not ideal, it did not help with recovery. He flipped through all of the files, removing the ones that have already left the clinic or that he's taken care of himself. A daily report was always given on them from Indigo, small details were always important.

He always took in mind that certain people didn't mind bitter pills but they preferred lighter ones. Tea drinkers had a habit of eating biscuits or cookies, so he gave Indigo certain recipes to help in that regard. Sweets were to be carefully managed and kept away from children especially. However the worked wonders for giving them out as rewards.

Certain gases made it harder to properly digest food, blood flow differently, and made body temperature change rapidly. Injuries were always easier to treat, however he always kept the pain medication in his office. Addiction was not good for recovery. In that regard he watched patients who had them closely to make sure they didn't try anything. He also gave them different files than the rest of the others so Indigo could put tabs on it.

The weight of the paperwork would be overbearing on anyone else but this is what he wanted to do. If he could not properly care for someone then there would be no point in all of his studies. His success was far more important than extra work that came his way.

After sorting through some of the files he made extra or new notes to place in the ones out front. The passage of time was always lost on him when he was alone. He took his notes and stood up, leaving the backroom to sort through the files in the front. It was already dark outside and the moon was high in the sky.

He looked at it for a moment before hearing a loud clattering noise from the kitchen. He became more alert, making sure his footsteps were quiet as he approached. As he looked into the kitchen he saw...two patients eating buttered crackers. He paused, surprised that they didn't decide to have something sweet.

"What are you two doing up." Hawk's cold voice filled in the silence that the two rule breakers were trying to maintain. They quickly screamed, hugging each other in fear before realizing it was just Hawk.

"Oh wait look it's the doctor." One of them said to the other that was still frightened. They had a scar on the side of their face, it was scarring which was better then it being a festering wound.

"We're still in trouble!" The other said, they had been missing an arm. Hawk had to cut it off after it was too damaged to function anymore. He was working on a prosthetic for this particular pair.

"Yes you are, you should be resting and not eating late at night. At least it's crackers and you both don't have digestive issues. However you will not get away without a punishment, I can't just let you do as you please. It's not safe." Hawk was stern as he spoke, not leaving room for them to get out of this.

"You both can work with Indigo tomorrow to help do all of their prep work." The punishment wasn't so harsh, but Indigo had a high energy way of taking care of things around the clinic.

They always followed instructions down to the finest letter and refused to stray from them. Their ridged approach and anger at the two misfits would be enough to set them straight. After all, Indigo personally makes everything from scratch and to find out that the crackers they had made are mostly gone...They have held grudges for less.

The two misfits' mood clearly dampened hearing the news. They looked as of they were about to complain before they both said, "Sorry, Doctor" and accepted defeat.

Even if Hawk had not found out about this, Indigo certainly would have. Both of the patients left and returned to their room with the others. Playfully shoving each other while claiming that their overall carelessness got them caught.

A sigh left Hawk as he had dealt with the problem, he would probably have to set up a rules board somewhere. It was better for a warning to be made before anyone takes their chances with misbehaving. Luckily he did need to switch around the files in the kitchen. He opened the cabinet where he kept all of their nutritional information, adding and removing notes. It was always important to check on these things daily.

He then headed into the common room where all of the patients slept. With icy blue eyes in the dark he watched over their bodies. He stood over each one to make sure that their heartbeat and breathing was normal. If someone woke up while he was doing so, he simply quietly hushed them.

He then sorted through the files in the room, doing the same as he did before. Then he made small notes, reminding Indigo to check their vials, suggesting different activities for those who are bedridden, and some healthy treats that could be added to the fridge.

As he stood up to leave, a child was staring right at him. Their eyes milky white as they just...looked up at him curiously. They didn't say much to Hawk but walked up to him and tugged on his sleeve. He blinked twice, confused by the action until he was led out into the garden.

Indigo had fell asleep above the dirt, laid there like a corpse. The child went up to Indigo and shook them. Hawk watched as he saw a response from the small patient. He remembered Indigo's note about one of the children suffering from mental trauma. They started crying as Indigo laid there, not understanding why they wouldn't wake up.

Hawk's eye twitched involuntarily, and he gently pulled the child away, "Indigo is okay, they are just sleeping."

"Everyone says that..." The child responded, hugging Hawk's leg, he had no idea how to deal with this.

Frozen in place he patted their back and explained what was happening in the only way he knew how, "Indigo sleeps in the dirt because they're like a plant. So when night comes they're not awake because the suns not up."

There was a moment, and he felt the patient rub snot and tears on his clothes. He didn't have the heart to be upset at them for this. After all it was normal for children to be emotional when they didn't understand...

"You should go to bed, if you wake up early then you might see Indigo face towards the sun." He spoke softly and patted the child's head, taking them back inside and giving them a small glass of hot milk and honey.

They drank it and he washed the glass, putting them to bed before heading back outside.

Indigo usually tried to leave before dark, or if they stayed they had something to keep them up. They must have been working on the garden when they fell asleep, it was hard to wake a dragon. At first it could be seen as a nap, but Indigo didn't need to breath. That must have been what frightened the child.

Hawk grabbed a nearby shovel and dug a shallow grave. He placed Indigo's body inside of it before covering it with dirt. His clothes and hands became dirty, it was a necessary mess. Indigo was extremely helpful, if they didn't rest well then they wouldn't preform their best. Their energy always made the stark white, sterile clince easier for people to live in.

He walked back inside, heading off to go take a shower and change his clothes.

Hopefully there would be another productive day tomorrow.

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@wr-n I fuckin love Hawk and I think about him so much! I hope you like the details I added in about him!