#aromanticism in fandom

[canonically47]

“there is no straight explanation for this” neither is there a gay one. there is however an aromantic one

[romance-evil-aro]

[leikeliscomet]

[CLOSED]

And that's a wrap!

Thank you everyone who filled this in (200+ people!) especially to everyone who was really nice in the closing comments 😭

There's a massive variety in opinions and thoughts here so now I'm gonna write everything up and use it to finish off the essay.

Hopefully both the essay and report will drop by the end of June if not by July at the latest 🙏🏾

-

For my next essay I'm gonna need some help! If you're ace, aro or both I wanna know what your aspec thoughts are on Doctor Who from representation to fandom experiences to headcanons. If you've got some free time, please fill in my survey:

EDIT: Deadline will be 15/06/2025 at around 2pm BST (British Summer Time)

Update 1

Update 2

Update 3

Update 4

[heartless-aro]

People when a character is aromantic or aromantic coded: Wowie! They’re aroACE! Because they aren’t interested in romance! Look at how aroace they are!

People when a character is aroace or aroace coded: Isn’t it cool that this character is asexual? Asexual icon! They’re such great asexual representation :)

[ace-does-stuff]

i am once again thinking about how there is effectively speaking no space for displays of creative works that celebrate and interact with aromantic allosexuality within fandom

[aroaceqoutes]

Yes they're my favorite character, no I don't think about their genitals. (They're all barbies and kens in my mind, just plain ol nothing down there)

[papercranesandpride]

Begging my fellow aros to realize that "x kind of love is so much better and more special than romantic love" is not actually fixing any of the problems with amatonormativity. That's just replacing one hierarchy for another. And you're screwing over atertiary alloromantics by saying that their preferred kind of relationship is lesser. You know, that thing alloromantics do to you all the time and you hate.

And of course God forbid anyone just doesn't do that whole love thing at all. We can't have that. Even if you're aro, love and relationships must be the most important thing.

[cosmicredcadet]

A character looks straight into the camera and says "I'm not interested in romance" and people will still say "No, it's not confirmed they're aromantic!!!" "They could change their mind!!!" "it's a challenge for them to overcome!!!" "They'll have character development that makes them fall in love"

It's like they are given the most blatant answer to a character romantic orientation and they actively ignore it. all the while all it takes is subtext for people to speak as if it is fact for a character to be any other sexuality.

[maerhiya]

the vast mistreatment of aro/ace characters in fandom spaces needs to be studied

[vroomvroomwee]

New Years is just a few days away. So can we all, as a collective, stop saying things like "they HAVE to kiss" or "they HAVE to fuck at least once"? Because it's so annoying. No, they don't HAVE to do that. As an aroace it's so tiring hearing those phrases, not to mention invalidating as fuck. Aroaces aren't boring for not kissing or having sex, and it's not a MUST in a relationship, even if the couple is allo. And it's not just with fictional characters, it happens with real people too and it's creepy and invasive as shit

[canonically47]

“can you people just let friends be friends!!” i shout into the mic. the crowd boos and throws tomatoes at me. “why, are you homophobic?” they accuse. i shoot everyone dead with my aromantic beam.

[fairyable]

Aromantic + aspec gang have we got words to appropriate shipping culture?? We deserve it. I want a word for shipping but Not Romantic - like wanting characters to have a connection that's indescribable by conventional means. We can figure this out!! We also gotta have our own little word for non romantic love stories. Let's brainstorm my beautiful friends. We can do this

SIDENOTE: I realised the term I've been using for queer platonic partners ('qpies' pronounced kew-pees like the doll) is not actually a thing that people say and is just a word I used in my first QPP. I do however think it's cute and maybe more people should use it.

[do-you-know-this-queer-character]

Do you know this queer character?

Riz is Asexual and Aromantic and uses he/him pronouns!

[automatonwithautonomy]

i bestow unto ye, beloved blorbo, that most high of honours conceieved by the greatest minds, aromanticism. thou shalt feel little to none romantic attraction from this day forward. peace out.

[someoneshotacricketwitharocket]

BLeeM said another banger that perfectly articulated what I've been thinking for years in the last MisMag2 AP regarding fandom, (fan)fiction, and shipping culture.

Quote, analysis, and timestamp below the cut <3

Brennan: ... there's two things, which is that you want to celebrate romantic relationships, especially if those romantic relationships are representing underrepresented orientations or genders or anything like that, but there's a moment where also I'll sometimes see people read into things and they're like, "That's romantic!" And I'll be like, oh, if you saw me with any of my friends in real life.... But like the amount of physical interaction I have with my friends in my life is something that would be "read" into if it was a work of fiction.

Timestamp is 6:56-7:28 in Episode 11 of Misfits and Magic 2 Adventuring Party: The Casablanca of It All

TL;DR: The underrepresentation of romantic relationships involving minority identities needs to addressed, but at the same time non-romantic relationships deserve just as much care and attention. These ideas are often opposing, and both lead to and are the root of amatonormativity and individualism vs the community mindset.

That's Absolutely true, and as an aroacespec person that is something I struggle with both in my real world life and in fandom/shipping culture (albeit in different ways).

Like yes romantic relationships rock, especially for relationships that are in the minority - whether that be orientation, gender identity, relationship structure, etc. among others. On the flip side though, having strong platonic (and other non-romantic relationships like familial, sensual, queerplatonic, alterous, sexual, kinky, etc) can be just as valid and intricate and beautiful as romantic ones. Relationships of Any kind can be deep and intimate and wonderous, and there isn't some magical limit or cap put on how valid or acceptable or "good" a relationship is just because it isn't romantic.

And that kind of amatonormativity honestly can be really toxic for Everyone involved and I feel like it reflects the individualistic mindset found in society, especially Western society. Because the implications are that:

You need to find "The One" to be a complete person, as they will be your other half that will make you whole

This person will be a romantic (and probably sexual) partner whom you assumably will get married to and have kids with.

As soon as you establish that you have met "The One", it is fine or even expected to neglect your other relationships, as your needs are being met by this singular person.

These other relationships usually end up being friendships and non-romantic relationships as they are the ones that people "rely on" whilst not dating (I say in quotes because many people seem to use non-romantic relationships as a crutch or as something to tide them over until they are in a romantic relationship).

Instead of having your community and groups that fulfill different aspects of your needs and wants, these are all instead thrust upon a singular person, which can then lead to resentment and a feeling of neglect and failure when one person cannot keep up with the workload of multiple.

At the end of the day, amatonormativity pushes the individualistic "everyone-out-for-themselves" mindset, and works directly against the community mindset where it is okay to lean on people for different needs and be leaned upon when you are strong enough to support others.

It can be very upsetting when people, that you considered part of your community and close circles, suddenly leave or de-escalate the relationship for a romantic relationship. There's nothing inherently or morally bad about doing so (although it is often upsetting), but doing so without communicating that to the involved parties is what really gets me. Deciding to change the dynamics of a relationship - without even discussing it with the person/people involved - comes off as ignorant or careless. Maybe it is what is needed for the new relationship (especially new ones as they develop - although that does deserve some introspection into why if it becomes long-term)It can leave the other person feeling confused and conflicted, wondering if they were in the wrong somehow, or what they did to deserve the treatment they've been given.

And therein lies my confliction in fandom and shipping culture, because it feels like people can get into massive shipping wars even down to the type of relationship. And yes, there is homophobia in some of it (think: "Why can't two guys/girls be friends anymore? Everything just has to be gay now.") which absolutely needs to be addressed, but - ignoring the homophobia - there is a point in assuming that every close relationship has to be romantic. Yes, we need more representation of romantic pairings/relationships with minorities, but non-romantic versions have just as much potential.

TL;DR: The underrepresentation of romantic relationships involving minority identities needs to addressed, but at the same time non-romatnic relationships deserve just as much care and attention. These ideas are often opposing, and both lead to and are the root of why amatonormativity and individualism vs the community mindset.

[bitchliteraria1906]

Been thinking about this lately and got curious.

(Please reblog even if you aren't arospec for a bigger sample size! And because some people still get confused: aro spectrum and ace spectrum aren't the same thing and this is specifically about aromanticism/nm)