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writing-mlm · 4 months

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Hiii, can we please have more college!damian x male reader? Like a scenario where damian loves to draw reader but reader doesn't know this? Maybe friends to lovers? Idk your pick. The artist and his muse type of thing. Also, i LIVE for soft damian on this blog ong.

Forever my Muse

Summary: Damian has his finals coming up and he wants you to join-- at least that's his excuse to get you into the art venue. An artist needs their muse and for some reason, most of Damian's drawings include you in, naturally, he could fill museums with drawings of you. Pairing: Damian Wayne x Male reader WC: 5.8k

Dust-covered fingers were always something you had associated with Damian. Graphite, charcoal, pastels— anything he used to draw or even paint would inevitably stain his hands. It wasn’t intentional, and neither were the fingerprints he left on your stuff, or the paint you could never remove from your favorite sweater, but that didn’t stop him from apologizing. From buying you cleaning products and a new sweater; never mind it has never been worn in the year you’ve had it, Damian felt terribly sorry whenever he felt he’d stained something of yours.

But never sorry enough to show you his drawings.

You’d ask, you’d beg, but he would never give in. He’d show you when he was done, sure. You’d see the finished still-life drawings of whatever object had been in the line of sight, the paintings he’d done of his pets whenever he missed them, and the random sketches he did to loosen his wrist. But, damn, sometimes you wanted to see an unfinished drawing that wasn’t a warm-up.

Even now, as the two of you are on the campus bus heading towards the music hall, he’s drawing. Sitting across from you on the bus, Damian easily adjusts himself to the movements of the bus as it jerks to a stop. He’s nice like that, you’ve never caught him off guard, he’s never fallen or stumbled in the time you’ve known him.

Studying him, you wonder if he’s naturally so agile. You’ve seen him in your dorm's gym, during all-nighters you can sometimes see him running around campus, and once you had caught him doing one of those athletic challenges for some guy's video. He won. Of course.

The bus comes to a complete stop and you look away, double-checking that it wasn’t your stop. It wasn’t. You knew that. But still. The need to check was far too great and you slipped back into a conversation with Damian. Only this time, you’re looking down at your phone to double-check the event and his eyes switch from staring at his sketch to staring at you.

His eyes flicker between you and his drawing, erasing and adding lines where needed. He catches your eyes traveling up and he looks back down, working from memory as you start up a new conversation.

Eventually, the bus reaches your stop and he carefully closes his book; he always worries he’d smudge his art, while he follows you out of the bus.

It’s the end of the semester, ergo, it’s finals week. And for one of your music finals, everyone was to prepare a song and perform it. Truthfully, Damian doesn’t understand why you’d picked him to accompany you. He knows he’s not the best comfort, his demeanor often being the reason people don’t stick around too long.

But, you reassured him. Telling him that his presence was more than enough for you. Knowing that he was somewhere in the crowd calms you down more than you ever cared to admit.

The walk to the music hall isn’t short, but you can see the large building in the distance. The size is daunting on you as you see the crowd forming at the entrance. People aren’t allowed inside yet, but performers and their guests can head inside before anyone else.

“I’m nervous,” You admit, wiping your hands on your shirt. “What if I fail?” You mutter, your eyes desperately searching to find solace in his green eyes.

“You’ll do as you’ve always done,” He nods, looking ahead as you approach the building. “Exceptionally.” His sketchbook bumps against your folder of sheet music and you sigh through your nose, trying to calm down.

“I’m so gonna choke,” Seeing your reflection in the glass, you feel as if you’d forgotten everything you learned. Every lesson, every mistake you fixed and learned from, the late-night practice performances with your friends. The song you’d composed nearly slips from your mind as you see yourself, walking in that suit and tie you’d worn several years ago. All of it left your mind and you felt like a beginner again. What even was a solfège?

“I'm trained in CPR.” He opens the door for you and gently encourages you inside, his fingers grazing your back. “You weren’t nearly as nervous for your accounting finals.” He notes, falling back into step with you.

That’s another thing. Maybe that’s why you were so stressed. Double majoring was hellish. Twice the finals, quadruple the headaches.

“Those were tests,” You scowl, showing the security your campus ID. “I’m going to be performing a live concert in front of nearly a thousand people. I cannot fuck this up, Damian. This is going to be posted for everyone to watch, too,” You ramble on.

“Which you’ve done before, no?” He presses the elevator button and your heart hammers. You swear you’re going to pass out. He notices, of course, he does, and digs in his bag to find the fidget cube he keeps in there.

“I have— thank you,” Taking the cube, he nods. “It’s just… I don’t know. Tests suck.” Rolling your thumb along the metal ball on one side of the cube, you stare at the numbers as they slowly tick down to the first floor.

“That’s true,” He steps inside the elevator and you follow suit. “But you’ve made it thus far, you can go further.” He squeezes your shoulder as the doors close. There’s a silence in the elevator as it goes up to the second floor where you see your teacher waiting at the door to the waiting room, talking to a pair of students.

“I can,” You affirm, dipping your head down as you smile.

“You will.”

—

You’re fifth in line to perform, watching a singer, dancer, another other pianist, and an opera singer go on before you go on did absolutely jack shit to help you. As you’re announced, you step onto the stage and try your best not to accept that there were thousands of eyes on you. Instead, you smile and wave as you walk across that large stage. Desperately looking for Damian in the sea of people.

He’s in the front, right in front of where you could see when you glance up from the piano, you find out as you’re standing next to the piano seat.

Damian’s eyes don’t leave yours, making eye contact with you as you fiddle with the buttons of your coat. He motions for you to stop and then does a breathe in breathe out motion with the same hand. Nodding, you blink away from him and hold your hands behind your back. Focusing on your breathing, you listen to the teacher as you’re done being introduced.

The applause settles as you bow in, take a seat, and flip the page where your music sheet is. Slowly, you start. As a general music major, you weren’t restricted to just playing the piano. As emphasized by the microphone taped to your cheek.

You aren’t the strongest singer by any means, you’re good for singing in the shower or on drives but you doubt you’d actually make a career off of your voice. What you hope will carry you is the piano, as you press each key your eyes flicker to Damian. He’s attentive, a smile on his face as you perform.

Testing the waters, you glance at the people around him and they seem… pleased. Happy. Moved, even. You grin and return to staring at the sheet music. All of the notes flood back to you as you reach the last bit of the song, your eyes closing as your voice reaches a peak, holding a note. Then it’s just the piano, your voice echoing in everyone’s mind as the notes get slower and slower until you end it.

Applause fills the hall and you stand up, taking a bow. Standing there, even if only for a moment, you can’t imagine why you’d been so nervous.

Collecting your sheet music, you exit the stage and hand the mic to the stage tech before leaving.

When you’re nearing the exit, you spot Damian holding a bouquet of flowers.

“When did you have the time to get these?” You laugh as he hands them to you. His eyes merely twinkle, refusing to give up one of his many secrets. “Thank you, they’re dope.”

“You did it,” Damian reminds you as the two of you exit the building.

“I did! Ugh!” Grabbing his shoulder with your free hand, you give him a little shake. “Thank you so much, you’re honestly the best. Was it good?” Falling into step with him, Damian doesn’t bother to fix his shirt. It’s hardly even moved, but you know he was detail-oriented in stuff like that. Hell, he hates it when he messes with his clothes.

“It was mesmerizing.” He promises. “I do believe the woman behind me was crying.” Grinning, you stand at the bus stop, suddenly buzzing with excitement. Wanting to do it again, you start to imagine creating your own side business. Wedding musician, you can see it now.

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” He avoids looking at you as he’s speaking. A rare occurrence on his part. But he does his best to look at you after building the courage. “I have an art showing next week. I understand the notice is short and you’re—“

“Send me the details.” You grin. His shoulders drop and he nods, clearly more relaxed. “I hope the attire is fancy. I got this fancy turtleneck I’ve been wanting to wear and slacks from my high school graduation just waiting to be worn!”

—

With all of your finals out of the way, you finally had time to start removing the items from your dorm. One by one you removed posters and trinkets scattered across your end of the room. Pack your clothes into boxes, and save for enough outfits to get you through your two weeks left on campus.

Damian was held up from finishing his art showing, unable to see you in person but he was more than happy with a Facetime call. With both your laptops placed in a space away from disturbing you, the two of you worked on your tasks.

“I do need to be at the showing two hours early,” He tells you as you’re dragging the anti-suicide chairs to the closet, trying to see the top shelf. “But I’ll have arrangements to bring you to the venue.”

“And my outfit is okay?” You ask, the chair wobbling as you stand on it. Maybe this wasn’t the best idea. But hey, you’re not the one who installed a closet tall enough that only Shaq could see the top. “Because I can always swap out the turtle neck for a green button down— the silk one that Maddison made,” Always gave a fashion designer friend. She had used you as a model for of her projects a couple of months ago and with your measurements being unique to you, let you have it after she’d gotten her grade.

“The button-down would be better suited,” He nods, leaning close to his painting before adding a tiny stroke. “The turtleneck is a little… on the nose.” Leaning back, he checks his reference picture before frowning. It goes away quickly as he picks up a bit of white and dabs it onto a dry brush.

“I was afraid it was,” You laugh, grabbing a first aid kit from the shelf. Listening to him lightly brush the paint over the canvas, you toss the kit onto the bed and grab what little items are scattered up there. “Holy shit! Do you remember when that frat dude lost his frat ring?”

“Unfortunately,” Damian glances at his screen, watching as you haphazardly get down from the chair. Nearly tripping, he wonders how you've made it this far in life without breaking a bone.

“I think I did take it! Look!” Showing the screen, Damian looks almost impressed as you hold up a fraternity ring. It’s a shiny gold, likely fake but engraved with the initials of the Frat house. The two of you remember the guy had been going around to every single campus building with a missing ring poster.

“What a thief,” He chides, setting his brush down and taking a physical step back from the painting. Harsh glares scan over brush strokes, ripping apart his painting bit by bit before he nods to himself. His glare morphs into a soft sort of gaze and he signs the back of it.

“Is that your final painting for the semester?” You ask, the ring forgotten about as it’s tossed in a box of trinkets and you’ve moved on to ordering food. Probably Panda Express. Or maybe Chipotle…. really it’s whatever is closer and cheaper.

“Hopefully,” He sighs through his nose, his paint box clicking shut. “I’ve been drawing and painting these past couple of days. My canvases take up an entire section of the art studio. I’m sure my professor cannot wait for them to dry and get glossed. Which I should probably start doing.”

“How does that taste?” Setting your phone down, Damian’s face goes sour as he looks at you. “Personally, I think the gloss would taste tarty.” You add. “Or maybe like the frosting for Toaster Strudel.” Picking your phone back up, you continue your order.

“Neither is correct.” He blinks. “It’s a toxin and filled with chemicals, it most likely tastes as good as acetone does, Hab—“ He pauses, and you look at him wondering what the issue is. “Habits of tasting chemicals shouldn’t be one you pick up.” He finishes his sentence with a bit of force.

“I just love chemicals. Violin resin is my favorite.” Making a chomping noise Damian huffs. As you’re finishing up your order, you look at him. He’s halfway across campus and judging by the rack of canvases he wheeled over, he won’t be back until well into the night. Eh, it doesn’t hurt to ask. “I’m ordering some food, do you want something?”

“No, thank you, though.” He shakes his head. “I have food from the court in case I get hungry.” He quickly adds. Humming, you place the order and scan over your room. The only things that need to get packed are things you’re still using. Now it’s just a matter of organizing the boxes and bins so you can still move around your room.

“After the glossing, what’re you doing?”

“I have to write short summaries for each painting. No less than one hundred words,” He explains as he’s putting on a pair of latex gloves.

“So, a breeze?” He laughs and nods.

“I’m afraid I’ll go over the word limit,” He admits, sparing you a glance as you’re lugging a box to a corner of your room. “My paintings harbor a lot of my emotions and they’re far from short.”

“Real as fuck.”

—

On the day of his art exhibition, you spend extra time in the bathroom. Making sure your hair is neat, and presentable, fixing your outfit, making sure you don’t stink. Anything and everything you could check over, you did.

This nervous feeling was different from your pre-show nerves. Especially since you don’t even know why you’re nervous. Probably because you’d never actually gotten to see his paintings, at least the ones he was showing. He’d been ultra allusive about those, citing the exhibition would be the best place to view them. But even he was nervous and that’s a lot considering he’s Damian fucking Wayne.

He texted you two minutes ago saying that the car was going to arrive within the next ten minutes and you rushed out to the front of the dorms. No need to lock the door behind you, since your roommate was busy sleeping and would stay in there until you came back. Plucking at your shirt, you watch a sleek black car pull up in front of you, and Damian texts you that the car is there.

The ride is long, far too long for your liking anyway. But considering it’s in the middle of the city, it’s not unwarranted.

The art… museum? What should you call it? The space where the exhibition was being held was a well-known art gallery— that’s the word! The gallery was well respected, talked about within art circles, and incredibly high-brow. Thank fuck you didn’t go with that turtleneck.

There’s a woman in front of the gallery, greeting everyone who enters. She sees you and there’s a flash of recognition across her face.

“It’s great to finally meet Damian’s muse,” She smiles as she shakes your hand.

“His what?” You ask but Damian pulls you inside.

“How was the ride?” He asks, his eyes darting between his professor and you.

“Good but what did she mean?” You ask, looking around to see the other people around. Like your performance, it was open to the public and with Bruce Wayne’s son being in attendance, many people had showed up. Including his family. “Bruce Wayne is here?” Your head whips to Damian as you spot him in the crowd.

“He is my father…” He trails. “Would you like to meet him?”

“Fuck no!” You gasp. “The knowledge of his wealth is burying me as we speak— but this is about you,” Turning to him, you smile. “Where’s your paintings? Those don’t look like your style,” Eyes flicker across the paintings and you can’t see Damian’s strokes, his colors or his lighting in any of them. A sort of pride swells within him, knowing that you’ve looked— studied his art enough to know that the ones around you weren’t his.

“It has its own section,” He tells you, guiding you through groups of people and halls. “It’s going to be revealed in around half an hour. My professor insisted,” He stops at a section of the gallery covered by a curtain and two security guards. You never knew it was that serious, but damn.

“Mr Fancy. Why don’t you catch up with your family? I’ll look around?” In truth, you were going to the nearest bathroom and making sure you didn't look stupid.

“I’m more than certain they’d be more pleased if you accompanied me.” He shakes his head as you raise your eyebrows. “If that’s something you’d be comfortable with, of course.”

“Sure,” Once more, he guides you past people until he spots his father and brother talking in a corner.

“Father, Richard.” He calls as the two of you approach. “This is (Y/n).” Richard’s lips twitch as he fights back a smile, the smile only furthered curbed by his brother's glare.

“Hello,” Waving at the two men, they reach to shake your hand instead. Bruce has a firm grip, probably tighter than it really needed to be but Richard is more than welcoming. He’s more than excited to meet you, although you can’t imagine why.

“My other siblings are still in Gotham,” Damian explains, physically taking Dick’s hand from yours with a pointed look. “Although I’m surprised you didn’t bring Cassandra, father.”

“She’s here,” He shakes his head, glancing around for the mop of black hair. “In the bathroom, probably.”

“Is that her?” You ask, looking at the woman in the corner. She’s standing there, downing a glass of champagne before returning to a conversation with a man. She looks like how Damian had described her, although he downplayed how intimidating she seemed.

“Oh boy,” Dick huffs. “Let me go help her,” Excusing himself, you’re left with Damian and his father. The two of them talking with their eyes.

“So, Damian’s told me you’re a double major,” Bruce breaks the silence and their weird eye conversation. He talks about you? Glancing at Damian, he’s making a point to look anywhere but you. That’s sorta cute— totally not in a romantic way, totally.

“I am,” You nod, wishing a man with drinks would walk past you. “Accounting and a performing arts major.” He hums and there’s another beat of awkward silence.

“From what he tells me, you’re excelling at both. That’s incredibly hard. Do you have any job prospects lined up for when you graduate?” He asks and you shake your head.

“Not yet,” You admit, picking at your hands. “Since I'm not sure where I’d like to settle after I graduate it’s difficult finding places.” Bruce nods, quickly making sure Dick and Cassandra are okay.

“Well, if your grades continue to stay or improve, Wayne Enterprises is always looking for accountants, especially one so esteemed.” He smiles at you, that sort of small smile that makes you feel more relaxed in his presence. A fatherly smile.

“Yeah, praise from Damian is a lot.” Dick grins, leaning his weight on his younger brother. Cassandra agrees, leaning against the wall Bruce was standing in front of. “And he talks about you a ton!”

“That’s enough.” Damian huffs, pushing himself away from Dick who frowns. “Let’s look at some of the artwork,”

“You talk to your family about me?” You grin as he’s hauling you away from his family. He looks at you, clearly licking the inside of his mouth before he blinks and gives one strong nod.

“Of course I do, it would be a shame to hide someone so talented.” He explains and then looks forward, his eyes swimming across the faces around him. “I do believe in your talents and my father is someone who can help them flourish; it would seem awfully cruel if I didn’t at least try.” You go to speak; to thank him but his attention is pulled away by the director of the show.

“It’s time!” She gleams, ushering the two of you after her.

There are already people gathered in front of his top secret exhibit, cameras and people wearing PRESS lanyards like the front and sides. Much like a moth drawn to a flame, they find Damian walking and try to hound him, only to be stopped by his family. They’re far more intimidating now but Damian pulls your attention from them and towards him.

The two of you are in front of the whole crowd, the two guards holding one piece of the curtain and waiting for a cue to open them.

“We welcome everyone to Damian Wayne’s very first art show,” The director says, her hand ghosting over his shoulder. He takes that as a sign to step forward, barely leaving your side as he explains his art.

“Through My Eyes is a collection of various pieces I’ve created over the course of two years,” He explains. “The music that accompanies the art are pieces composed by my muse.” His eyes find yours as the curtains are pulled aside and for the first time, you notice the way he looks at you. The way his eyes never seem to want to leave yours, how he takes you in the same way he takes in the art around him.

Then you hear it. More specifically you hear yourself.

You hear the piece you’d played during your final, hearing your voice fill the spaces where people aren’t talking. Each key, and each note floods your ears as you turn to see his art.

It’s you.

All of it. Each painting, each frame has something of you in it.

“Holy shit.” You breathe, moving to the closest one. It’s a painting of you, wearing clothes you’d only seen in shows like Merlin, holding onto a statue of an angel. It’s almost impossible to not know where the inspiration had come from. After convincing Damian to go exploring with you and some friends, you’d come across a newly abandoned church with a large angel statue. On a dare, you pretended to dance with it.

Sure, you’d seen the picture before but it was nothing compared to the painting. It looked amazing, you had never looked better. Your features were captured in the best way possible, you’d been posed in a way that made it seem as if you were guiding the angel in a dance.

The description catches your eye next.

One Last Dance wasn’t the first drawing of Muse, but it was the first drawing of him that I truly loved. He’d resparked a passion for painting for me. The painting had been on my mind for two weeks before I finally started to work on it, having it become my only focus for the two days that I worked on it became the norm for the next two years of my life.

Muse doesn’t personally care for the Renaissance era, but it seemed fitting for such a painting. The feeling of dressing Muse in modern clothes didn’t ruin the drawing but it didn’t make sense, in my head their dance is accompanied by the sounds of the wings and their feet gliding across the floor. Just outside is probably a mob, unbelievable of a true angel. Muse would probably say that he was dancing to the sounds of Sleep Token and outside was a bunch of ‘angel fuckers’, but who knows.

D.W

The next painting was smaller than the first, but it’s a close-up of your face. Your eyes are wide and you’re desperately pulling at your eyelids as a light twinkles inside of it.

Blinding Gaze came about when Muse had gone to the eye doctor, fearing he was going blind. Turns out he was just extremely stressed to the point of temporary blindness. When we spoke about it, he joked that he was developing powers from that time he drank a sports drink mixed with a crushed-up Tylenol and he could shoot lasers from his eyes. While Blinding Gaze doesn’t follow his original plan of lasers, I imagine developing eye lights could be frightening.

Blinding Gaze isn’t body horror, although I had intended it to be but I couldn’t bring myself to put Muse into that position. Even if it was completely fake. I did eventually remake the painting how I truly envisioned it, but I still prefer my Muse to the remake.

Drifting to the next painting, you see yourself, dressed in your favorite smudged hoodie, dancing amongst the crowd. The people are drowned out in the colors of the background, nearly blending in meanwhile you’re ever so present. The light shone down on you in a way that made you seem like the main character in some movie, all eyes meant to be on you.

A Night To Remember was undoubtedly one of the best moments of college thus far. Muse had been invited to a friend's party and insisted I come instead of remaining in the art room, drowning myself in oils and pastels. Although I’ve put his words in a more friendly manner. I hadn’t wanted to go, the noises and being pressed against unfamiliar faces was hardly something I ever enjoyed. But for Muse, I’d do anything he’d asked of me.

Glued to him for the night, I found myself unreasonably drawn to him. I do not remember the song, in truth, I don’t remember much from that night aside from him. The way he danced, how he looked at me. How he looked in the room. I resented not bringing my sketchbook, but I would’ve been more out of place than I originally had been.

Smoothening your shirt, you take a nervous glance around you. You’re unsure about how you feel, it’s a lot. You’ve never truly thought about Damian in such a light before, at least not to your knowledge. Sure, you’ve written compositions about him and sure, if you read between the lines in some songs they’re definitely about him. You and Him.

Perhaps, without realizing it, you had made him your muse just as he had made you his.

“I want you to see this one,” Damian says as he walks up behind you, finally free of people asking him questions. The music loops as he does and you count that there’s five songs on the set playlist. Each and every song was one you had created. Your song from the previous week plays again as you stare at him, smiling.

“I’m your muse?” You softly ask, unable to remove yourself from the spot until you have gotten your words out. Damian dips his head down for a moment and wipes his nose. “You’re nervous,” The small tease makes his eyes roll and he clears his throat, the red settling from his tanned ears.

“I want you to see this one,” He repeats and grabs your hand, gently guiding you past the people surrounding the room. They look at the two of you, watching as you walk up to a large painting in the center of the room. Clearly a last-minute addition but it seemed to be the focus.

“Woah,” Is all you can say when you see the painting of you during your final. It’s painted in the same style as your favorite art era. The romantic era where colors were soft, even if they were dark. The painting itself had you in the center, a sea of people at the bottom and there are several ghostly figures of yourself, dancing across the stage leaving streaks of yourself at the top. The floor of the stage was covered in candles.

“How long did this take you?” You ask, eyes darting between details and finding new ones each time you look.

“Two days,” He shrugs. Slowly, you look at him and he looks back at you, confused. “I couldn’t sleep until I finished the painting. The way you looked during your final.” He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “It’s truly beautiful— you’re truly beautiful,” He adds, looking at you.

“When you paint me like that I definitely am,” You laugh, looking back at the painting.

“I only painted you through my lens. Perhaps your eyes aren’t as good as you think they are because the paintings truly do not live up to their references. You’re captivating and the way you’ve consumed my thoughts is honestly intoxicating.” His eyes twinkle as you look at each other. You don’t know what to say, honestly. You can stroke your ego a little, you could crack a joke, or you could bear yourself completely to him. But definitely not in a room filled with people.

“Ah,” Dick breaks the silence. “You know he used to be a junior poet?” Grumbling, Damian looks over at Richard as he’s staring at the painting, sipping sparkling champagne from a flute glass while holding a cracker with cheese and jelly. Gross. Probably, you’ve never had it before.

“I do believe I asked for a moment alone,” Damian gives a half-snarky grin and Dick shrugs.

“A whole lotta people here, doubt you’d be alone.” With a sweeping motion, he gestures to the crowd around you. It’s not elbow-to-elbow crowded but you can hear at least seven conversations happening around you.

“I suppose you’re correct,” He nods, following his brother's line of thinking. “Fresh air?” He asks you and you nod.

There’s a park in front of the exhibit and it’s mostly empty, save for two kids and their parents but they’re clearly about to leave. Damian heads towards the benches but you pull him to the swings. There are three but one of them is tossed over the bar and you don’t feel like fixing it.

Sitting with your back to the exhibit, you look over the trees and the playground. The sandpit with someone’s lost doll sitting down, a bucket behind it.

“What did you think?” He spoke up after a minute had passed. The entire time he watched as you gently rocked back and forth on the swings, tempting yourself to actually swing.

“You’re amazingly talented,” You hum, turning your head to meet his gaze. “Although, I already knew that. You’re like Michelangelo with everything you pick up.” Glancing at him, you smile when you see his hands. “You still haven’t cleaned the charcoal from your nails.”

“No,” He blinks, his eyes staying closed for a beat longer than a blink. “Not of my skill level, (Y/n). Of the drawings. That you’re Muse.” He looks down at his fingertips and starts to pick at the bits of charcoal. “That you’re my muse.”

Softly you sigh before looking back to the trees.

“What is there to think about? You’re my muse, I'm yours.”

“You’ve written songs about me?” He asks and you sheepishly nod, refusing to look at him. “Which? If you don’t mind me asking,”

“Birds of a feather, I wanna be yours, and Golden hour. There’s more but they’re too embarrassing to admit,” Hearing him take a deep breath, you pick at your fingernails and slowly stop swinging.

“What now?” You ask, finally looking at him. He shrugs and starts to slowly swing. He thinks for a moment before he checks his phone.

“When are you free? I can make reservations to—“

“Applebees or Red Lobster,” You cut him off and he looks at you, confused. “Applebees is once every so often, birthdays or celebrations. But Red Lobster? That’s graduation or date.”

“You could’ve gone for a five-star restaurant, you know that, right?” He laughs and you shrug.

“I heard they’re pretty shit. And I want to fuck up a seafood boil. Oh wait,” Blinking, you try to remember the Red Lobster menu. “Never mind, I don’t think they have vegetarian options. We could do Olive Garden or whatever vegetarian places you like. I’m not picky,”

“And I am?” He teases and you roll your eyes. “Friday, at five. I’ll pick you up and we’ll go to Olive Garden. And then to the movies to watch that new horror movie you’ve been wanting to watch.”

“That sounds perfect,” You nod and nudge your swing into his.

“Can I admit something?” He slowly asks. “Forgive me if I’m being too forward but…” Watching as he licks his lip, you stop swinging. “May I kiss you?”

“Yes.” You nod. Trying not to seem too eager, the both of you stand up and you watch as he raises his hands to cup your face. His fingers are warm, gliding across your skin as you hook one arm around his waist while the other holds his shoulder. “Do you want to lead?” You whisper as he looks at you, unmoving. His eyes dart down to your lips and he nods before closing the distance.

His hands drag a little down your face, his pinky curving under your jaw before moving up into your hair. Slowly the kiss breaks and he dips back down for one quick kiss.

“He’s been waiting months to do that,” Dick announces and Damian groans. You snicker and look behind Damian. Dick isn’t even looking, looking off into the distance before he’s sure that you’re done kissing before looking at the two of you.

“Must he ruin everything?” He whispers to you before facing his brother. “I understand you have no concept of privacy, but this warrants that.” Dick frowns at the rudeness before he shrugs and points his thumb towards the venue.

“They’re asking for you, thought I should come and get you before they spot you.” He explains through a sigh. “Would hate for our little demon’s kiss to end up on the front page. But, yeah,” He sighs and looks over at you. He stares at your face for a moment before he chuckles.

“Take him to the bathroom, you got dust on his face.”

“It’s charcoal.”

#x male reader #x reader #damian wayne x male reader #damian wayne x reader #damian wayne x you #damian al ghul x male reader #damian al ghul x reader

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trippinsorrows · 2 months

Text

with me + part twenty

authors note: this is more on the boring/filler side, and i apologize for that, but it covers some necessary things and hints at other things. plus, the one after this is wrestlemania and then after that is the infamous disney trip, and those def won't be boring/fillers. 👀

also, what do you ya'll think reader is having? i'm also open to name suggestions cause i hate naming characters lmao

status: in progress // masterlist

warnings: fluff, language, angst, and suggestive themes

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

faceclaims

words: 6.6k

taglist: @pixiedust4000 @yolobloggers @wanderingreigns @southerngirl41 @msbigredmachine @romanreignsbae

Life is one crazy ass ride.

You’ve always known this, but the past few months have really shown you just how insane things can be. It’s been up, it’s been down, it’s been just a fucking rollercoaster of events and emotions, but somehow, things always seen to work out in your favor.

You expected, maybe more so hoped, that your Live with Jadah would go over well. Would help people see and understand that there’s so much more to the story, so much more to you than the lies that have been fed to them by your apparently psychotic ex-best friend. That was the semi-goal.

Well, to say that goal was met is a bit of an understatement.

The Live went viral, spreading and making it to most global and some international platforms. TMZ formally issued an apology to you, Joe, and Jadah, and retracted their story with Mariah, even scrubbing the interview, which Joe’s legal team believes is only to avoid getting caught up in the several lawsuits she’s been slapped with.

So many publications have turned the tide, no longer speaking on you and your situation with an almost judgmental stance but rather just reposting the Live and letting the facts speak for themselves.

And social media…..holy shit.

One thing you never expected was for the Live to go viral, but you especially never expected for yourself to also go viral in a different way, that is.

While the general public was initially against you, bashing you every which way to Sunday, it’s almost completely turned with the vast majority now utterly and wholly intrigued with you. They’ve dug up old headshots from when you cheered in college, clips of you either practicing or competing, and a few Snap videos you were in, again, all during your college years.

Not to mention the clips they took from the Live, primarily of you playfully twerking with Jadah. That clipped with the TikToks you did with Naomi has resulted in people making TikToks and “edits,” as Alexis explained, posting and sharing everywhere.

Apparently, the vast majority of social media finds you extremely attractive, and have even been comparing you to the infamous prison bae, Jeremy Meeks, from way back when. Minus the criminal aspects, of course.

“Look at this one! These are my favorite.” Alexis turns her phone so the group of you can see what is yet another edit of you, err, more so your ass than anything to good googly moogly by Project Pat, which apparently was already going viral on TikTok as people post videos of friends and loved ones with a nice ass. Seems you’ve been added to that group.

“I don’t get the fascination,” you admit with a shake of your hand, fingers tapping against your glass of lemonade. “Like, I’m not even famous.”

“You kinda are now,” Bianca suggests. It's a crazy suggestion, too, because in what world does someone like you, from a small ass town with virtually no major social media footprint, qualify as famous. “Not like, A-List celeb famous, but you don’t make it to the Shade Room if you’re not at least kinda famous.”

Alexis makes a sound, adding, “ya’ll whole lil situation made the March event on their calendar.”

“On their what?” Jadah is understandably confused, asking, “what the hell does that even mean?”

“Twin, I’m gonna need to make a PowerPoint for you or something.”

“Please do, and make sure to add the fancy transitions.”

“Custom slide backgrounds?”

“You know the key to my heart.”

The meeting and union of Jadah and Alexis remains to be seen as one of the worst or best things you could have ever done. They’re so damn similar it felt almost criminal to not introduce them, but with both having such strong personalities, a clash could be one of the titans. So far, however, they’re vibing just as well as you and Jadah have. Hence why all of these ladies are sitting around your coffee table, various drinks in hand, most alcoholic, except for yours of course.

Which reminds you…

“Oh shit,” you announce, four sets of eyes falling on you as you realize you haven’t shared the news with the majority of them, ironically, Jadah being the only one to know. “I haven’t had a chance to ask.”

You decide to be dramatic as hell, pausing as Alexis is the first to say, impatiently, “ask what, hoe?”

Another pause followed by an intentional rub of your belly as you nonchalantly ask, “which one of ya’ll wants to be in charge of planning the baby shower?”

You’re met with instant screams and squeals of enjoyment, a big smile falling on your face as you’re hit with all of the questions and exclamations.

“I knew it! I knew it was just a matter of time before BDJ struck again!”

“Y/N! Oh my goodness, congratulations!”

“No freaking way! That’s amazing!”

“I’m gonna act like I didn’t already know, so congratulations, great value sister wife!”

Alexis and Jadah’s statements make you laugh while Bianca and Kaylah’s cause your heart to swell. You then try to quiet them down, “thank you, guys. We’re excited. But, we haven’t told Callie yet, so please keep it to yourselves.”

“Of course.” Kaylah excitedly asks, “how far along are you?”

“Almost three months,” you answer, proudly. Although entirely unexpected, or maybe not depending on how you look at it, you’ve found your excitement at this pregnancy growing every single day. Excitement at having another child, giving Callie the chance to be a big sister, to give Joe the opportunity to experience this pregnancy with you from conception to birth and beyond. He deserves it, especially now that you know what he went through with Jadah.

“Wait. Damn. This means we can’t have a hot girl summer until next year!” Alexis is pouting as she downs the rest of her drink before reaching for the bottle to get a refill. “You couldn’t let that nigga shoot up the club later this fall instead.”

Kaylah’s nose turns up as she also takes a sip of her moscato but not before muttering, “didn’t need that visual.”

Rolling your eyes, you point out, “Alexis, we are too damn old to be having a hot girl summer. Half of us are moms and/or in relationships except your non-committal ass.”

Non-committal has nothing to do with the topic that floats to the front of your mind, but having a room full of women to consult with seems like a perfect opportunity to discuss something that’s still bothering you to some extent.

“Let me ask ya’ll something.” You take a sip of your sparkling apple cider and get to explaining. “So, every time I try to talk to Joe about planning for when the baby gets here, like having my mom or his mom come stay with us a bit to help out when he’s on the road, he either ignores me, changes the subject, or just pacifies me. And I’m trying really hard not to cuss him out, but between baby emotions and me being me, it’s hard.”

Being perceptive is always something you’ve prided yourself on, valued as one of your attributes, so it’s hard not to miss when Kaylah, Alexis, and even Jadah all look suddenly uncomfortable with your question, like they also want to change the subject.

Bianca is the first and only to speak out.

“Yeah, that’s kind of weird.” Her agreement is the quintessential example of validation you were needing for this situation. “I get you’re barely three months, but why not start with the plans now? The sooner the better since it seems like his schedule is pretty hectic.”

Throwing your hands up in the air, you echo her sentiments. “Exactly! And one thing to know about me, which I know he has to know about me is that I like to plan. I hate surprises. We need to start figuring out this shit now.”

“I’d definitely talk to him about it, cause men can be very go with the flow, but this isn’t one of those things that I think should be go with the flow.”

“I feel like you should maybe just wait it out and see where the cards fall.” Kaylah’s suggestion is casual, but her eye contact is sparse, and you actually don’t know what to make of that.

Jadah contributes to the conversation with agreement to Kaylah’s point. “I agree. Trust your man, whore.”

“But—” And as if present and overhearing said conversation, your phone starts to ring, the man himself filling up your lock screen. “Speaking of the devil…..” You lift and show your phone to the group. “I gotta take this ya’ll.”

“Well, duh.” Alexis says like it’s a no brainer. “BDJ probably won’t stop calling until you pick up anyway.”

Laughing, you untangle your legs and climb off the sofa at the same time you answer his FaceTime, quickly telling him, “hold on.”

“I’ll be back,” you inform, but the last thing you hear is Bianca making the awful mistake of asking Alexis what “BDJ” stands for. Alexis and Jadah start to laugh.

Obviously, Jadah also knows what’s up.

Locking the door behind you, you sit down on the patio set that was delivered only two days prior and situate your phone on the accompanying table. Legs crossed, you give him the go, “okay, i’m good now. Just wanted some privacy.”

He doesn’t hesitate to slide right into protective papa bear mode. “How you feeling?”

“Alright.” Your hand unintentionally lands on your stomach as you explain, “had some nausea this morning, but that’s not out of the norm. I had pretty bad morning sickness when I was pregnant with Callie the first few months.”

You can tell he’s not entirely satisfied with this answer, leaning more on the concerned and conservative side. “When’s your next checkup?”

“April 8th. I made sure to schedule it so you can be there.” Joe indicated he wanted the first Monday after WrestleMania to be a day of rest for you and Callie, and it can still be, but you also couldn’t miss the opportunity for him to be a part of your first official well-baby visit. Especially with this being the first time you’ll be able to hear the baby’s heartbeat.

That must especially be special for him.

“I promise I’m okay, Joe.” Out of respect for him and his emotional state at such an important time in his life, you haven’t told him everything Jadah shared with you. Haven’t made him aware of your knowledge regarding his loss. You’re not sure if you ever will, to be honest. If he wishes to discuss that with you, you’ll always be there to listen and support. But, there’s zero desire to dig up painful memories and trigger this man.

That doesn’t, however, mean you can’t reassure him when you can see there’s a level of anxiety and apprehension.

“If I wasn’t, you and Dr. Young would be the first to know.” It’s a promise. You would never do anything to risk unnecessary complications with this pregnancy. “How do you feel? You look tired.”

He’s looked as such for the past couple weeks, and you feel slightly bad, knowing the whole Mariah ordeal must have taken a toll on him. Not to mention his intense training and preparation for WrestleMania.

Of course, he just shrugs, playing it off. “I’m good.” You make a knowing sound. “What?”

“Seriously, Joe. This is me. I know you like the back of my hand. You’re exhausted. It’s okay to admit as such.”

“I’m fine, Y/N. I promise.”

Joe is every bit stubborn as he is caring. He won’t agree with you, but that doesn’t make what you’re saying any less true.

“Whatever, just know I’m giving you a well deserved massage when we come to see you next week.” Coyly, you imply with a shrug of your shoulder. “And maybe a lil’ more depending on the layout of your place and if we can get some privacy from your lil’ twin.”

“Naw, that lil more is happening no matter what, even if I have to fuck you in the rental.”

His tone of surety makes you laugh as you think about something. “I don’t think we’ve ever fucked in a car before.” The list of places this man has been balls deep in you is endless, but a vehicle and plane seem to have not made the list. Yet. “Might have to change that.”

He also laughs. “Wherever you want it, baby, you just gotta tell me when and how.” Just more and more reasons to love this man to infinity and beyond. He matches your freak so well.

Joe asks about Callie, of course, and you let him know she’s in seven heaven playing with her cousin in her new room that’s gradually filling up even though she still doesn’t even have all of her stuff from back in your apartment. It also goes without saying that you remind him she’s absolutely thrilled to see him soon, the same as you, which is the same as him. Reunions between the three of you are just all around enjoyable.

Naturally, Joe apologizes, for no good reason, at not being able to come with you as you take Callie back to your hometown for your final apartment walkthrough and to close all other matters, officially making your move to Florida complete. It’s a bit of a bittersweet thing, leaving the place you grew up and have so many memories in. However, what’s ahead of you is so much better than what’s behind you.

And while you would love Joe to be able to come too, it’s also not necessary.

Especially when he finds out what else is on your agenda before you say goodbye for good.

Realizing your time with him could be cut at any moment, you decide it’s now or never to break the news to him. “There’s something I need to tell you, and I know right off the bat, you’re not going to be in agreement, but I need you to just hear me out.”

He’s hesitant and already skeptical but nods. “I’m listening.”

A deep breath followed by a quick prayer to the big man that Joe will at least try to be open to this plan. “I’m gonna go see my dad while I’m there.”

This is something you’ve really been thinking about, on and off, since the Christmas ordeal. It just hasn’t been such a major priority given all the other fires you’ve been having to put out. Alexis was right when she said the dynamic with your dad has a lot to do with the situation with Joe and not telling him about Callie.

And you being able to acknowledge that has made you realize you’ve been holding onto a lot of pain and anger towards that man. More pain than anything. And it’s time to let it go. The same way you’re leaving that town for good, albeit bittersweet, you need to drop the baggage of hurt at the door before the curtain closes permanently.

In this case, that means sitting in front of the man who is your biological father and nothing more, speaking your peace, and closing that chapter.

For good.

To some extent, you expected, maybe more so hoped, for Joe to be more receptive.

It was wishful thinking, at best.

Immediately, he protests, face turned up in a scowl that reminds you of Callie when she’s in one of her moods. “Like hell you—”

Closing your eyes, you do your best to keep your voice leveled. “Hear me out, please.”

“Y/N, do you not remember the last time you saw that man?” Most definitely do you remember. That was definitely a low moment for you. “You were a fucking wreck. I’m not seeing you go through that again, especially with you being pregnant.”

“Do you really think if I had even an inkling it wouldn’t be safe for our baby I’d be doing it? Come on, Joe. You know me. I would never put either of our children in harm's way.” And you know he knows this, knows this very well, but you can also understand his anxiety from a couple different angles. “Before when I saw him, I was still looking for his love and approval. I can admit that now.” It’s been a tough pill to swallow, going back and forth between emotion and logic, coming to grips with such an uncomfortable truth. “I don’t need that anymore. I don’t even want it. I have you. I have Callie. My mom. Our friends. Even this new baby, but if I’m leaving that town for good, I need to leave all of the hurt it brought me there too. That includes making my peace with him.”

When he still doesn't say anything, you continue to plead your case.

“I need to do this, Joe. I’m not asking you to understand.” You’re not quite sure he could. This is one of those things that unless you’ve lived it, lived with a neglectful, uninvolved parent, you just couldn’t get it. “I’m just asking you to trust me.”

He’s quiet for a few minutes, and you already know it’s because he’s sitting on your words, doing his best to meet you where you are. Eventually, he says in a resigned voice, “I don’t want you going alone.”

There’s an immense amount of gratitude for his blessing, and his request is more than fair. You also figured as such, assuring him, “I already talked with Bianca about it. She’s gonna go with me.”

This seems to make him feel at least a little bit better. He scratches his beard. “Alright. But the minute you start feeling off—”

“I’ll cut it off. I know.” That goes without saying. You meant what you said. Nothing could make you put your baby at risk. “Thank you, Joe.”

Not wanting this to be the last topic you discuss, you switch gears a bit to something that will hopefully lessen his unease. “I also think we should tell Callie when we come to see you next week. I just told the girls today, and I’m gonna tell my mom while I’m there. Callie deserves to know.” The order of which you’ve told people about your pregnancy isn’t exactly how you would have preferred it to go. In a perfect world, it would have been Joe, Calllie, your mom, and then your close friends. But, life be lifing, so you just have to roll with it as best you can.

Joe nods. “I agree.” You overhear a distant voice in the background before his gaze falls on you. “I gotta go, babe.”

It’s hard not to feel disappointed. “I get it.” This pregnancy has your emotions a bit on the high, sensitive end, because there’s no reason for you to feel like crying just because this man has to get back to work. You miss him like crazy, sure, but this has always been a bit of the dynamic. You get him in doses, sometimes big, sometimes small. “Can we still call you tonight? You know Callie can’t sleep unless she can tell both of us goodnight.”

It’s such a twist, a beautiful, unexpected thing. Once upon a time, it was just you she needed to see and/or speak to before she could fall asleep. But now, it’s both you and Joe, and you honestly couldn't love that more.

Their relationship and bond is so precious to you.

And now that you understand what Joe’s been through, you can see why he’s always willing to move heaven and earth for her. She’s the little girl he’s always wanted and finally has.

“Of course.” You weren’t expecting any other answer. “I love you.”

A warm smile sets on your face. “I love you too, baby.”

You settle on a time that works best for him and end the call. Ignoring the sadness at not being able to talk to him further, you walk back in the house for a sure pick-me-up.

“Well, it’s about time,” Bianca teases, dimples nice and pronounced. “Thought we were gonna have to check on ya’ll.”

“No, she’s back too early….” Alexis, as per usual, confuses you when she asks, “ya’ll weren’t having phone sex?” She curses and then grabs her purse, digging out her wallet, slapping a wad of cash into Jadah’s expecting hand.

“Told you,” Jadah says knowingly, smirk on her pretty face as she counts the cash. “One thing I do know about Joe is he’s an all out type of man. It’s rounds or nothing.” She then looks over at you, apologizing, “hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable.”

“It doesn’t.” It’s an honest answer. You’re old, mature, and secure enough to acknowledge and be okay with the fact your man has been with her in almost every way he’s probably been with you. Outside of the emotional connection component, which is really what matters the most to you. Sex would just be sex if you didn’t love him as much as you do. If he didn’t love you as much as he does. That’s what makes it so explosive.

“Well, it bothers me!” Kaylah looks so disgusted, and you can’t blame her. “Joe is literally like my brother!”

Bianca cosigns with a shake of her head. “And it bothers me because Y/N literally is my sister.”

“That’s so wild, so ya’ll are half sisters, right?” Jadah asks, pointing between the two of you as you move back onto the sofa. “Same mom or…..”

“No, same dad, but we don’t claim him.”

Jadah makes an ‘O’ with her mouth as Alexis leans over to whisper something in her ear. “Got it. Daddy issues. Ya’ll should just jump him then.”

“That’s what I said! Stomp his ole’ mean ass.”

Yeah…..putting Alexis and Jadah together may have created a new kind of threat to society.

“Anyway.” Refocusing them is really the best and only option. “As we were discussing, ya’ll think I should bring it up to Joe when we fly there next week?” You then remember the pact mentality and aim your question toward Bianca. “Let me just ask you, cause you seem to be the only one who gets where I’m coming from.”

At that, Bianca opens and closes her mouth. “Oh. That. I…..I think you should just leave it alone. I’m sure Joe has his reasons.”

Now it’s your turn to look shocked. “What? That’s not what you said literally not even 10 minutes ago.”

Bianca switching up on you definitely wasn’t in the cards, especially since she was providing you all the affirmation and validation you were seeking in your dilemma.

She looks off, almost in a guilty, sheepish way. “I changed my mind….”

“What did ya’ll say to her?” It’s directed toward Alexis and and even Jadah, because Kaylah doesn’t seem like the type to try to sway people one way or the other. “Can’t leave ya’ll asses alone for two minutes.”

“I don’t like your tone, Mama Mia. Watch it.” Alexis warns, and you can only roll your eyes. “What you need to be focused on is what you’re gonna wear to the Hall of Fame and WrestleMania.”

Kaylah gasps, also remembering. “Shit, I completely forgot about that.”

Your eyes land on her with premature excitement. “You’re going to the awards too?” She nods and you let out a big sigh of relief. “Oh thank god, I was kinda nervous. I’m sure Trinity is going too, but the more the merrier, I feel like I’m gonna be so out of place there or everyone’s going to hate me.”

“Girl, like Joe is going to let that happen.” Jadah is, surprisingly, the first one to jump to calm your nerves. “Him taking you in and of itself is such a ‘fuck you’ move. He really said ya’ll not about to bully the woman I love and think I’m finna just keep her on the backburner.”

“I agree.” Kaylah chimes, providing additional and useful context. “The internet wrestling community is a cesspool, and they’ll always find some reason to complain and bitch, but Joe has never been about that. He’s gonna have you on his arm regardless of who has something to say about it.”

“Ummmm, why are we acting like majority of the internet isn’t all on Y/N’s dick now that ya’ll cleared up the air?” Alexis lifts her phone, adding, “I literally can’t get on TikTok or Twitter without seeing edits and photos of Y/N that the internet has dug up. They can’t get enough of her.”

“Her ass, specifically,” Jadah adds, and you shake your head.

“I think what they’re trying to say is that maybe you should redirect your focus on fashion and hair choices vs public perception, because it seems to be in your favor currently.” Bianca’s advice is wise and on time. It also is very much giving off teacher vibes, just another thing you two can connect on.

You’re really happy you asked her to come visit you.

That you gave her a chance.

It’s proving to be a really good decision.

“Well, I’m gonna have my mom do my silk press while I’m there, so there’s that.” Typically, you avoid heat like the plague, sucking up the pain in the ass wash days to keep your curls hydrated and thriving. However, you’re okay with every now and then sitting in that damn chair for what feels like, and is, hours for these special occasions. And attending the Hall of Fame awards as well as WrestleMania definitely constitutes a special moment. “As far as fashion…..I have no idea. I don’t really have a lot of fancy clothes, and the ones I do have are before Callie and even now with the weight I’ve gained from this pregnancy already, I don’t know if I can still wear them.”

“Well then it’s obvious what we need to do.” Alexis says with a ‘duh’ tone. “We need to go find you some dresses! Like, today.”

“I probably do need to pick up something too.” Kaylah says with a heavy sigh. “I think Josh said something about wearing red.”

“Of course you have to wear red. That’s Bloodline colors.”

You chuckle at Bianca’s enthusiasm. It’s kinda cool that she’s also into wrestling. You’re so tempted to ask Joe if he can get tickets for her, Darius, and Taylor, but you also don’t want to do too much. It already means a lot to you that he got tickets for your mom and Alexis.

“I hate to pull the girls from their playing. They must be having a blast considering not one has come down in like over an hour.” It’s true. Not to mention you can also occasionally hear the chorus of giggles and shouting indicating just how great a time they’re having.

“I can watch them for ya’ll.”Jadah’s suggestion causes all sets of eyes to land on her. She rolls her eyes. “You all go get the shopping done, and I’ll stay here with the kids.”

“Jadah, you don’t have to—”

“I don’t mind. I’m not really that big on shopping anyway.” Finally. A difference between her and Alexis. “Plus, I have some client stuff I can get caught up with.”

You’re still reluctant, offering her another out. “If you’re sure….”

“Y/N, I would hope by now you’ve figured out I’m too blunt to lie. I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to.” Jadah shrugs, directing her next statement to Kaylah and Bianca. “If you’re also good with it too, of course.”

Bianca and Kaylah echo agreement with you, hence it being decided.

With a chuckle, you announce, “I guess we’re going shopping.”

———-

Things have been hard since you first landed back in your hometown.

Saying goodbye to your students was hard.

Saying goodbye to friends in town has been hard.

Bidding farewell to the apartment you first brought your sweet little girl home to after she was born was very hard.

Visiting your grandma’s grave one last time for who knows how long…..that’ll be brutal.

But this….confronting your father for the last time…

To say you’re a bit on the anxious side is putting it nicely.

This was always going to be on the nerve inducing side for a variety of good and valid reasons. It’s just getting to the moment where it happens, where you sit in the parking lot of the restaurant he agreed to meet “you” at is just bringing out some indecision you’re certain comes from a place of anxiety.

Finally stepping out of the car, you and Bianca reach the door of the restaurant when she turns to you, mouth turned into a bit of a frown as she reminds, “you sure you want to do this?”

“It’s not about what I want to do. It’s about what I need to do, Bianca.” It’s the truth. This isn’t something you’ve been dying to have happen your entire life, but for the sake of your healing, it’s what needs to happen. “But, if you feel uncomfortable, I totally get—”

“Not at all.” She reaches for your hand. “You’ve got this.”

A deep breath followed by a head nod as you accept her hand. She gives you a little squeeze and opens the door, leading the way figuratively and literally. As expected, he’s already there and waiting, sitting near the back of the restaurant. You’re not surprised a man like him is right on time. He seems like the punctual bastard type.

And Bianca has reiterated as such before.

Together, you walk hand in hand towards him. Your eyes never leave him, watching as he lights up with a genuine smile at seeing Bianca, but that smile almost instantly drops when he sets his gaze on you.

Expected.

Wholly expected.

Immediately, his nose is turned up in visible disgust, primarily directed toward you. “Bianca, what is the meaning of this?”

“What?” Her voice is full of nonchalance as is the expression on her face. “I told you your daughter wanted to speak with you.”

He just didn’t know which daughter.

There’s no denying or misunderstanding his anger at the subterfuge. He shoots up from the table. “I’m not putting up with—”

Bianca is quick with it, assertively informing him, “if you want even a chance of seeing Taylor again, you’re gonna sit right back down and hear her out.” It means the world to you that not only has Bianca agreed to be here with you today, but it’s the fact that she’s willing to be so loyal to you.

Like a sister.

Because she is your sister.

He scoffs almost immediately. “Using my grandchild to blackmail me? That’s low, Bianca. Your mother and I raised you better than that.”

She crosses her arms and matches his energy. “You are the last person that needs to be talking about raising anyone.” She then looks at you, placing a comforting hand on your arm. “I’ll be right over there if you need me, okay?”

Nodding, she gives you one last supportive squeeze and ignores her father to walk over and slide into a booth across the room.

Left alone, you watch him begrudgingly sit down so he’s across from you, same set of brown eyes locking. It kills you how much of yourself you can see in him, starting with the same set of eyes. You just have to remind yourself that that’s where the similarities end.

“This won’t take long, which I’m sure you’ll be happy to hear.” He doesn’t agree nor disagree, not that it makes much of a difference to you. At all. “I’m moving from this town. Tomorrow’s the day I hand over my keys, and I’ll officially be living in Florida full time. Not that you care, because we both know you never have and never will give a flying fuck about me.”

“Is there a point to this?” The edge in his voice, maybe even a couple months ago, might have killed you. Stolen your joy. Now, it does nothing. He no longer has that power over you, because you’ve taken that power back.

And it feels so damn good.

“I did it, you know.” Without giving him a chance, if he even would, to respond, you continue. “I made something of myself. I’m successful. I have a career. I found love all without you ever doing a goddamn thing for me.”

For a second, you swear you see a different emotion flash in his familiar irises, but it’s gone almost instantly, replaced with that permanent disdain you refuse to allow sway you from your goal.

“I have a man who loves me in every single healthy way that exists, who loves our daughter more than there are words in all the languages put together.” Emotion chokes you up, but you manage to stick with the mental points you made for this conversation. “And you wanna know something? We conceived her when he was still married.”

Leaning forward as you lower your voice, both for privacy and emotionality. “But, I didn’t tell him. I deprived him and our little girl for the first almost five years of her life because I was so scared that he was going to be like you, that he was going to reject her and hurt her the way you hurt me.”

It’s a bit painful for you to verbalize those words, but also so damn liberating to free them from the confines of your subconscious.

To also release those shackles they had on you.

“But, I was so so so wrong, because he is the best damn dad she could have asked for, and he was angry with me for not telling him about her. He wanted to be in her life. He wanted her. And it’s through that I finally realized something.”

Your voice cracks as you finally release your truth and acknowledge freedom from over 30 years of emotional bondage.

“I’ve finally realized after all these years that it’s not that I’m not good enough for you.” You shake your head, pointing at him with all the intention and determination you can muster up. “You’re not good enough for me. Not good enough to be my dad. Definitely not good enough to be a grandfather to my kids. Not good enough to be in my life.” There isn’t an ounce of hesitation or a stutter in your voice. “It’s not that I don’t deserve to be in your life. You don’t deserve to be in mine. You never did, and you never will.”

And never again will you seek out that love and validation from him. You don’t need it.

You never did.

“I actually feel sorry for you, because I am an amazing, strong black woman who was raised by an even more amazing, strong black woman who was also raised by a phenomenal black woman. And my daughter….” Just thinking about Callie, her warm smile and the great big hug she gave you, before you and Bianca left her and Taylor with your mom, makes you all choked up again. “—is the kindest, sweetest, smartest kid you could ever meet. But as long as there is breath in my body, you will not know her or any other kids I bring into this world.”

That’s a promise, an oath, a swear on everything that you love and hold dear.

“After today, you are dead to me, and I truly hope you one day see all that you missed out on, but I’m not going to wait around for that. I’m going to spend the rest of my life surrounded with love and family because that’s what I deserve.” Grabbing your purse and sliding out the booth, you make eye contact with Bianca who starts to head over. “Take care, Captain Wilson.”

As soon as she’s at your side, he shoots up from the booth. “Bianca, if you leave with that girl—”

“That woman,” Bianca corrects with all the sharpness. “You mean my sister?”

His lips turn up with a hateful snarl. “This hoodrat trash is not your sister.”

You actually laugh at his words, laugh at the fact that he’s truly so pathetic and a piece of shit he couldn’t even take any of what you just said to heart. It also makes you wonder if he’s aware of all the shit that’s been happening online regarding you. Not that it makes a difference.

It’s just something else he would try to use to justify not being in your life.

Like a coward.

“No.” She lifts her chin, taking your hand. “She is my sister, but you?” Bianca shakes her head, and you can hear the emotion catch in her voice. “You’re not my father. You’re the trash.”

If he offers a visible response to her harsh words, you’ll never know because Bianca tugs on your hand, directing the both of you to turn around as she marches you out the restaurant. Once out of the vicinity, she spins you around and brings you in for a big, loving hug.

“I’m so damn proud of you.” Eyes closing, you accept and lean into her embrace. You’re also insanely proud of you. “You said what you had to say. The ball is in his court now.”

“I highly doubt he’s gonna do anything with it.” Separating, you again thank her. “I really appreciate you being here with me today. I’m not sure Joe would have been okay with me doing this, if you weren’t here.”

She smirks, head tilted to the side. “Nowhere else I’d rather be, hun.”

It’s the truth. Along with the fact that you’re not even sure you would and even could have gone through with this if not for her assistance and support. It’s crazy how the people you’ve met in recent months have become such important figures in your life and the people you thought were important are now strangers.

Life….always a wild ride, for sure.

“And speaking of Joe….” She’s understandably confused as you casually throw out, “guess who’s going to WrestleMania with her little sister?”

Bianca’s eyes are as wide as saucers. “Seriously?” Laughing, you nod. “Oh my god—” She captures you in another big hug, the two of you nearly hopping like damn teenagers. “Wait, just me or—”

“Of course not. Taylor and Darius too. I feel like he might divorce your ass if you tried to go without him.”

“You’re not entirely wrong.” Her laughter lessens as she looks at you with admiration and appreciation. “You really didn’t have to do that, Y/N.”

“It wasn’t that big a deal.” And it wasn’t. After biting the bullet and pushing aside unnecessary anxiety, you just shot Joe a text asking if there was any way Bianca and her family could attend Mania. His response was an almost instant yes. “Besides….we’re sisters.” Your eyes begin to water as you give a one shoulder shrug. “We look out for each other.”

Her smile matches the emotionality of this moment. “You’re damn right we do.” Sniffling, she wipes her eyes and then gasps. “Shit, now I need to find a dress. Does this town have any stores where I could maybe find something?”

Her question is so laughable. “Not really, sis. Let’s just wait till we fly home. I’m sure we could find you something there. Maybe the boutique where I got my dresses."

Home…..

You’re not sure if you’ve referred to Florida as home prior to this moment, but it feels so good, so right. Like it’s where you’re supposed to be. Where you were always supposed to be.

Home with your daughter, with your man, with the baby growing inside you.

With your family.

#roman reigns x black!reader #roman reigns x black!oc #roman reigns fic #roman reigns #arisnotebook

158 notes · View notes

forjongseong · 8 months

Text

medialuna // jay (ENHYPEN)

pairing: secretary!jay x CEO!fem!reader (part 12 of the series)

genre: office!au, fluff, smut (minors dni) // warning: older reader; Jay calls reader “Boss”; mentions of anxiety, pregnancy; oral sex (m. receiving, f. receiving); unprotected sex; profanity; semi-public sex? (jay uses a sex toy on y/n); mentions of death; CEO!yn has a health scare towards the end // wc: ~11k

previous (and upcoming) chapters:

(check the whole masterlist here!)

summary: married life with Jay turns out to be even better than you can ever imagine, but work-life seems to be wearing the two of you out, and sometimes certain things do come when you least expect them.

author’s notes: he's back! and I'm back! welcome back!

I cannot believe the last sec!Jay episode was posted literally IN MAY 2023!!! I am so sorry! I had it all planned out... I was going to celebrate this series' first anniversary and have it end in the same month... and I swear I already started writing part 12 even before I released the last two minisodes, but then I got stuck for the longest time, and also busy, but now I am back, so here is part 12.

if you check the lyrics to this song that I used as a title you'll see why I used it. as always, if you find any typos or grammatical errors please message me!!

taglist: @thots4hee @jayked @end-hyphen @nyanggk @yoursjaeyun @maggstar @bucketofhiros @dimplejaehyuncutie @excusememissiloveyou @shinkenprincess-oh @mochimchimo @jongseonglogy

(send an ask if you want to be added or removed)

It was dark and cold when you opened your eyes. You blinked a couple of times before your gaze shifted to your right, and sure enough, you found his side empty. There was a lump in your throat, and somehow you felt parched. You touched your face only to feel dried tears staining your cheek.

After a couple more seconds, you started to panic, yanking the blanket away from your body and frantically searching for the only source of comfort that you had. The bathroom was empty, so you walked out of your bedroom and scanned the huge living room. You only found unpacked boxes and your sofa still wrapped in plastic, and even the lights in the kitchen were off.

Your hands began to tremble as you made your way to the center of the room. Your head began to spin, and your heartbeat gradually became faster as you tried and failed to gain enough consciousness so early in the morning. Your eyes flickered and you whispered to yourself.

“Phone.”

You went back to your bedroom and immediately grabbed your phone that you had placed on the end table since the night before. You unlocked it and somehow managed to feel even more let down at the lack of notifications. Just as you were about to lose it, you heard the door unlocking and the familiar sound of footsteps entering the house.

Jay was trying his best to make as little noise as possible, but when he saw you walking out of the bedroom, his eyes lit up. Once he registered what was going on though, from the expression on your face, he became worried.

“Hey,” he said softly, just seconds before you threw yourself into his embrace.

You began sobbing on his chest, drenching his shirt in your tears. Your hands were grabbing on the back of his shirt, and with every breath you took your shoulders shook with you. Jay enveloped you in his arms and started making shushing noise.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, squeezing your shoulders. “I’m here. It’s okay.”

Your cries did not seem to be stopping soon, and the sound of your wails created a huge lump in Jay’s throat too. His eyebrows furrowed as he attempted to pull you closer, resting his chin on the top of your head. He did not stop rubbing your back in an attempt to soothe you, and once he heard you quieting down, he started speaking softly.

“Was it a bad dream?” he asked in the lowest voice he could muster.

You merely nodded your head, still burying it in the crook of his neck as you sniffled the tears.

“Were you looking for me?” Jay asked again. You nodded softer this time, and Jay felt horrible. “I’m sorry. I should have left a note or texted you. I didn’t think you would wake up so early. I think I spent way too much time at the gym too.”

You responded only with a sniffle, and you began to loosen the grip on his shirt. Jay immediately took one of your hands off his back and grabbed it tight.

“Here, let me look at you,” he said, trying to pry you away from his body.

You shook your head and hid your face on his chest again, refusing to make eye contact. Jay calmly opened your fist and made you palm his face.

“I’m right here,” he said, placing a hand over yours so you would stay cupping his face. “I’m sorry.”

You shook your head again, and Jay assumed that it meant he did not have to apologize. It was killing him the way you refused to look at him, though, but in reality, you were just embarrassed that you broke down over something so trivial.

Jay turned his face to kiss your palm, and the warmth surged through your whole body. You regained composure, and once you felt calmer, you tilted your face up, nudging your nose to his jawline. In an instant, Jay placed his hand on the back of your neck and pulled you into a kiss.

You kissed him desperately, like you had not seen him in years, and to him it felt like you were trying to breathe in the air inside his mouth. His lips gently danced with yours, stopping in between to let you breathe. His hand never left the back of your head, nor did his arm around your waist, and at that moment you were willing to give anything to make the time stop.

“I love you,” you said as you broke the kiss. Your voice came out as barely a whisper.

Jay nodded, brushing his nose with yours before kissing the corner of your lips softly. He trailed soft kisses from there up to your cheek before stopping on your earlobe. His hand moved up to stroke your hair, making you close your eyes as you listened to his raspy voice right in your ear.

“I love you more.”

---

Jake and Heeseung’s screams of frustration accompanied with Sunghoon’s victorious cackle made the whole room shake. You almost let a clean mug slip out of your hands from the shock, and Jay chuckled at the way you ever so slightly flinched. You looked over your shoulder and saw that the three guys were hunched together, while Isa and Yoon were sitting on the lounge chair across them, eyes glued to the TV.

“I’ll tell them to keep it down,” Jay said, closing in on you and pecking your cheek before he made his way to the living room.

Isa and Yoon’s eyes lit up the moment they saw the tray filled with cold drinks in Jay’s hand, and Sunghoon had to shout at Jake for almost knocking everything down from being so jumpy and chaotic. Heeseung cleared the table to help Jay set the tray down, and then each of them started asking questions about the drinks.

You joined them only after you replied to a couple of messages on your phone, and as you slipped your phone into your pocket you noticed that everyone was already holding their own beverages.

“An informal toast!” Yoon said, raising her glass of iced latte. “To the new house.”

“To the new couple, Mr. and Mrs. Park,” Jake joined in.

“And to Heeseung, for being one of the awardees of our company’s scholarship program,” you ended with a smile.

Heeseung’s jaw dropped, and his eyes widened. Jay was already chuckling, amused at the faces his friends were making.

“Are you serious?” Heeseung asked, looking at you. He then looked at Jay, then at you again.

“Congratulations, buddy,” Jay finally intercepted, nudging Heeseung’s arm with his elbow.

“Cheers!” Sunghoon shouted, surprisingly being the loudest of the group at that very moment.

Three people started talking at once, and you had to jump from one group to another to tend to all their questions.

“So, this housewarming is actually also like a mini wedding reception and like a congratulatory party too? Who is the main character of this party?” Isa asked you, genuinely confused.

“All of you guys, the invitees. And the house maybe,” you replied, smiling sweetly at Isa. “Thank you for coming, girls. I know that you don’t like it when I mix two different groups of friends.”

“That’s bulls, you always nail it when you intentionally introduce your friends to each other. Wasn’t that how we became a trio?” Yoon chimed in, not taking her eyes off her drink.

You continued to talk to the girls for a while until Jake interrupted, claiming that he needed to go to the bathroom, but Sunghoon was taking too long in the guest powder room. You calmly asked Jay to point out the bathroom in the main bedroom before you excused yourself to the kitchen to get a refill on the snacks and drinks.

Not long after, you heard the soft footsteps of Jake waddling towards you. You locked eyes with him, and he was making a concerned and rather uncomfortable face. You immediately started to frown before asking him.

“Is there a problem in the bathroom?” You asked, resting your hand on the counter.

Jake stood beside you and leaned in to be discreet. “You left your sex toy in the bathroom.”

“What?” You half-shouted, half-whispered. “What do you mean?”

“What’s going on here?”

Jay’s voice was calm, but he had it in that lower register that sort of just vibrated, and both you and Jake jumped a little in your places.

“Jake said there’s a sex toy in the bathroom,” you calmly reiterated.

“The fuck are you talking about?” Jay almost spat back in response. You snorted at his reply.

Jake looked at you apologetically before dragging Jay back into the bathroom. You made sure that the others were preoccupied before following the two of them. When you reached the bathroom, you heard Jay’s loud sigh.

“What?” Jake asked, holding up the ‘sex toy’ by its little handle.

Jay’s reaction immediately made sense. You started giggling softly, trying to suppress it from turning into a huge cackle.

“You think that’s a sex toy?” You asked. “That purple spiky-looking thing?”

“Yeah, what do you think we’re supposed to do with it?” Jay added.

Jake visibly cringed. “Ew? I don’t need to know what you two do behind closed doors. I’m just saying if you’re inviting people to your house maybe put away these types of stuff.”

You walked towards Jake, took the ‘sex toy’ from his hand and started pressing it onto his head.

“Noona!” Jake shrieked in horror.

“It’s a scalp massager, Jake! What, just because it’s made of silicone, you automatically assume it’s a sex toy?”

Jay was wheezing against the doorway, and you turned your head to him.

“Baby, don’t laugh like you didn’t think of the same thing when I first bought this.”

Jake’s initially embarrassed face was instantly replaced with relief. The two men then started laughing and yelling at each other while you shook your head and tidied up a little around the sink. When Jay brought up the idea of having a joint get-together of your friends and his, you did not expect it to be this chaotic, but you were glad that you agreed to it.

---

You walked out of your bedroom, one hand rubbing your eye as you tried to stifle back a yawn. The sound coming from the kitchen woke you up, since it was repetitive, and Jay did not seem like he was trying to be quiet. In his defense, he wanted you to know that he was there, so he made loud noises on purpose.

“There’s my beautiful wife,” Jay greeted you as soon as he caught you in his sight. He was doing the rest of last night’s dishes as he waited for breakfast to cook.

“Really?” You chuckled. “I have dried up drool on the corner of my mouth and my hair looks like a bird’s nest.”

“Signs of a good sleep then, that’s nice,” Jay replied nonchalantly. “That means last night I did tire you out, didn’t I?”

Holding back a smile would be useless as Jay was already looking at you with his signature smirk. A proud smirk, you thought. Last night was probably one of the best nights you had with Jay, if you could even list down your favorites.

You had been watching House of the Dragon for a while, and although Jay wasn’t the biggest fan of fantasy mixed with gore, he still sat with you through every episode. It melted your heart that every time a stomach-turning scene was about to come up, Jay would always lean into you and let you hide your face in the crook of his neck until the scene ends.

This time, though, the scene came on without warning and you both gasped loudly at the same time. Your mouth hung open and you knew Jay had the same face despite him rubbing his hand on your shoulder to console you. When the episode ended, you turned to look at him and he smiled apologetically.

“Sorry I wasn’t fast enough to catch that,” he said, pouting.

You quickly turned the TV off and moved to sit on his lap. You thanked him with your mouth, not with words but in a way that you were certain he would appreciate. After a hot minute of making out, you hopped off the sofa and kneeled in front of him, knowing how hard he had already become.

Jay grasped onto the throw pillows and blanket on the sofa as you gave him the suck of his life. He couldn’t stop moaning whenever his tip hit the back of your throat, and the view of him with his exposed and clenched jawline and his eyes rolled back just motivated you to go even harder. He thrusted his hips up and grabbed your arm, which you thought was a warning, so you calmly stroked his thigh until he came in your mouth.

You had to very carefully pull away to not let any of his cum drip to the floor. As you did so, a drop of it trickled down your chin and you swore Jay let out the shakiest breath ever. He sat up and wiped his thumb along your bottom lip, catching the remains and thrusting his thumb into your mouth, making you lick it dry. After that, he rested his hand behind your neck and pulled you into a deep kiss, tasting himself on your tongue.

“Bedroom?” He whispered after you pulled away to catch your breath.

You nodded enthusiastically and the next thing you remember was being naked with him on your new bed with brand new silk sheets. The feeling of the soft sheets contrasting with the way Jay was holding your hips made your heart beat a lot faster, and you desperately tried to slow things down as you took the lead, grinding your hips on his lap as he sat up with you, his cock twitching inside of you every time you clenched around him.

Your hands were touching him everywhere, his cheeks, his jaw, his neck, his shoulders, and as you mustered all the energy you had left to keep the pace, Jay kissed your chin before lifting you up and instantly switching your position. You were now lying on your back, and Jay held your legs spread open as he started to thrust into you faster than before. Your breath hitched and you grasped the sheets behind you, while Jay chased his own high and squeezed your boobs as he released his seed inside of you.

Your heavy breaths were now in sync, and you saw Jay panting, which was something that rarely happens. Usually, you were the only one out of breath, so you couldn’t help but form a small triumphant smile.

“How are we feeling?” you asked as Jay managed to maneuver you both, lying sideways and facing each other without him having to pull out of you.

Jay chuckled softly before kissing the tip of your nose. “I’m so beat right now, fuck.”

You laughed softly and started peppering kisses all over his face, loving the way his arms automatically wrapped around your waist.

“Wasn’t I the one that tired you out?” you said, snapping back to the present and trying to dismiss the image of last night. You did not need to get wet so early in the morning, not when Jay was making breakfast for you both.

“Alright,” Jay replied, wiping his hands on the apron he was wearing. “Let’s say we both did.”

You nodded once and let Jay get back to his thing. He had told you several times that he did not mind being the only one busy in the kitchen, and having you eat whatever he had prepped was rewarding enough.

For you, though, seeing him in the kitchen was a reward in itself, for Jay often cooked or cleaned with sleeveless shirts, or shirtless, or in a unique combination like right now.

“Is that apron really necessary when you’re shirtless like that?” You asked as you sat on the stool facing the counter. You placed your elbows on the counter and rested your chin on the back of your hands.

“I feel like you’re trying to tell me something so why don’t you get to the point?” Jay asked back, smirking at you before diverting his attention back to the meal he was prepping.

“You look very fuckable, husband.”

Jay let out a breathy chuckle before turning around and serving you a plate of omelet with mushrooms and a small portion of salad. You looked at his plate and he had the exact same thing except with cherry tomatoes.

“As much as I’d like to have you for breakfast,” Jay began, “we have a very important meeting this morning and I need you to not skip a meal.”

“Fair,” you replied, smiling when Jay pecked your cheek. He took his apron off before sitting on the stool beside you. “This looks amazing. Thank you, baby.”

“Anything for my queen.”

---

The computer screen in front of you was already set to a dimmer light, but despite that it still hurt your eyes. You had already taken a power nap, finished a cup of iced latte, yet the drowsiness remained. You heard a knock on the door and waited for Jay to let himself in.

“The last meeting of the day is in fifteen, Boss,” Jay said as he walked to you, spinning a pen in his hand and having his iPad secured in his arms. “Still sleepy?”

“You know me best,” you answered, leaning back on your seat and stretching your arms as much as you could. You yawned and Jay had to look away to not catch it too. “I’ll just get cold water.”

Jay looked like he was contemplating something as he watched you walk to the mini bar. After a couple of seconds, he rushed out of the office and before you could even say a word, he returned less than a minute later, holding a small package in his hands.

“I was gonna wait until we got home, but…”

You eyed the box in his hand. He was already smiling at you.

“What do you have there?” you asked, almost too scared to find out the answer.

Jay peeped his head out your door, making sure none of your employees were around. He reckoned that Hwiyoung was on a coffee break, so he calmly closed your door before he made his way back to you.

“Don’t get mad at me, but I ordered this for funsies,” Jay said, giving the box to you.

“You open it.”

Jay sighed and shook his head, thinking that it had been years at this point of him taking orders from you, but he would still do it for another thousand years. He grabbed a pen from your desk and used the tip to break the seal, and within seconds you were looking at a sleek box with a vague image on top of it.

“Is it like a massager? That would make me even sleepier, Jay,” you complained before you could even see the actual item.

“Stay with me,” Jay replied calmly, completely unboxing the item.

It was a two-piece device, one remote and the other…

“It’s magnetic,” Jay explained. “You can clip this to the inside of your panties, and I’ll hold the remote. Wear it during the meeting so you can be alert at all times. When I catch you zoning out, be ready for it to vibrate.”

“You’re fucking joking,” you said, chuckling to yourself. “Right?”

“Baby, I’m very serious,” he replied in his actual serious voice. “When naps and caffeine don’t work, I had to get creative to find a solution.”

“This sounds like more fun for you,” you sighed, taking the device from his hands and examining it up close.

“Well, yes, but you’ll feel the pleasure.”

As you were holding the main device, Jay pressed the remote and it vibrated in your hand. You almost jolted from the shock and you both laughed out loud from your reaction. Jay quickly turned the device off and took it out of your hand.

“I understand if you don’t want to try it now. We can always do it some other time,” Jay said, turning his back to you and already packing the device back into its box.

You licked your lips before you made your decision. You took a step closer to Jay and held his wrist, stopping him.

“I’ll do it.”

---

During most meetings, your presence is usually needed to review your team’s ideas and give necessary feedback. This means that you rarely had to speak, and around eighty percent of the time you would always be listening to other people speak. When you’re sleepy and losing focus, this easy task could be particularly hard to follow.

You and Jay were sitting at the end of the table, the farthest from the whiteboard and the chairs where the speakers were gathered. The meeting room was large enough to have everyone sit with ample space between each other, making them have to lean in if they wanted to whisper a thought. You had both your hands clasped in front of your face, your lips touching your thumbs as you were listening to Keeho’s presentation.

Jay caught you slow blinking several times before you shut your eyes for more than two seconds. He reached into his pocket and pressed a button on the remote. Your body jolted awake, and to quickly hide the reaction you faked a sneeze.

“Bless you, Miss,” Keeho said without missing a beat before continuing to talk.

You side-eyed Jay and he immediately mouthed ‘sorry’ to you. He winked and took his hands out of his pocket, and you relaxed for a moment. The meeting carried on and you started making notes on your journal while waiting for the next speaker to set up. Jay then noticed that the movement of your pen paused, so he slid his hand into his pocket again and pressed the remote.

The shock you expressed this time was in the form of a slam on the table. Your team thought you were losing patience and they apologized to you in an instant, almost in unison. Jay had to bite his lower lip to stop himself from laughing, and once Beomgyu started his presentation, you lightly slapped Jay on his thigh.

You were now paying close attention to Beomgyu and you even commented on a few things, earning more comments from the rest of the team. While Yeji was telling you about her thoughts on one of your remarks, Jay pressed the button on the remote. You couldn’t hold back from letting out a moan this time, but you were quick to put a hand over your stomach.

“Sorry,” you quickly muttered. “That time of the month,” you continued, faking a smile.

“Oh, I can talk to you about this some other time, Miss,” Yeji replied, smiling back with concern. “Maybe Beomgyu could wrap up.”

As your team refocused their attention back to Beomgyu, you shot daggers at Jay with your eyes and a look that said, ‘what the fuck was that for?’. Jay only threw a smug smile as a response.

The meeting was eventually adjourned since it was getting late, and you had always been against your team working overtime unless it was absolutely necessary. That, and the fact that Jay could not stop pressing the remote and driving you crazy.

“You seem to be having way too much fun,” you said to him as you stared at the elevator waiting for it to arrive.

Jay stood proudly beside you, both his hands in his pocket and his head tilted up slightly. You had never seen him this cocky. The elevator then dinged and as you entered, you were relieved to find it empty. However, you heard several people talking and before you knew it, Yeji, Beomgyu, and Keeho joined in the elevator.

“Miss,” Keeho greeted you with a smile. “Going down?”

Beomgyu was about to press the lobby, but you shook your head and Jay cleared his throat.

“Back to the office, actually,” Jay clarified. “You guys can go home though.”

Beomgyu nodded and pressed the number to your floor. The three of them stood in front of you, talking to each other in whispers. The elevator ride down felt like it took so long, and it did not help that Jay pressed the remote in his pocket, again.

“Shit,” you muttered, leaning into Jay and grabbing his arm for support.

Jay’s cocky smile quickly shifted into fake concern once he noticed everyone looking at you.

“Are you okay, Miss?” Beomgyu asked.

“Miss, I have painkillers but they’re at my desk. I can go get it for you,” Yeji chimed in, reaching to touch your arm.

You merely grabbed onto Jay and squeezed his arm unnecessarily hard. Jay winced and chuckled to defuse the tension.

“I got it from here, guys. Thanks,” Jay smiled at them, putting his hand over yours and caressing you gently.

You arrived at your floor and as you exited the elevator with Jay, your employees waved at you still with concerned looks on their faces. As soon as the elevator door closed, you yanked your hands off Jay’s arm, and he cackled as he followed you back to the office.

You had dismissed Hwiyoung earlier, so you did not have to worry about any employees lingering around your office. You swung the door open and pulled the hair clip off your hair, throwing it haphazardly on your desk. Jay followed you and closed the door behind him before taking the remote out of his pocket.

“Mission accomplished?” Jay asked, dangling the remote in front of your face.

“Shut up.”

You threw your body towards him and he caught you in his arms, also catching your lips in his. The remote dropped from his hand and you continued to move closer to him, making him take several steps backwards until he hit a wall. Your hands were firmly cupping his face so you could dominate the kiss, but his hands were roaming freely all over your body.

“You made me all wet,” you whispered, kissing his cheek. “That wasn’t the goal.”

Jay smiled, pushing your skirt up your thighs and reaching for your panties to detach the device. “But what if it is?” he asked as he got rid of it. “What if the goal is exactly to make you wet?”

“Then you’re gonna have to clean up,” you muttered, pulling him by his tie and switching positions, making him cage you with his arms. “Be a good boy, will you?”

You placed both your hands on his shoulders and started pushing him down to his knees. The moment he realized what was going on, Jay chuckled and ran his hands down your sides as he went down. He even dragged your panties with the hook of his fingers and carefully took them off your feet.

He looked up at you with his gorgeous, gorgeous eyes and you took a deep breath before you witnessed his face disappearing under your skirt. You let out a soft whimper when you felt his plush lips kiss your folds, and it did not take long for him to completely devour you, making your lewd moans escape your lips. His hands were parked on your ass firmly, and you began slowly grinding your hips while you placed the back of your arm against your mouth to conceal the noises you were letting out.

Your other hand snaked down to the back of his head, and you tugged on his hair. Jay moaned into your cunt and kept his pace until he noticed your legs tensing up. The grip on his head became stronger as you reached your high, and he was moaning softly along with you, his voice muffled by your own heat.

Jay lifted his head up to look at you, and he was proud that the look of your fucked out face was the one to greet him. You looked at him and saw that his face was a mess, his drool mixed with your cum stained all over his mouth, so you calmly wiped his lips with your thumb.

“Stand up,” you whispered, licking your lips.

Jay did as you said and you greeted him with the softest kiss, feeling him melt into your touch.

“Do you think we can do that again?” Jay asked, brushing his nose against yours.

“Yes, but not in front of my employees,” you answered.

Jay chuckled and you smiled at him. “Out in public, maybe?”

“Sure,” you replied. “But only if you fuck my brains out afterwards.”

“Deal,” Jay said in a split second. “That’s an even bigger win for me.”

---

You were sitting on an outdoor lounge chair by the porch, legs up and facing the beach that was walking distance from the villa. On the coffee table was your laptop, showing several windows open as well as a pile of documents to its side with your sunglasses case acting as a paperweight. As you were reading a chat from your phone and crosschecking it with a document on your screen, you felt a soft tap on your arm.

“Auntie.”

You turned your head and smiled as soon as you saw Ayun.

“Can you brush my hair?” she asked politely, holding up a hairbrush with one hand.

“Of course, darling,” you replied, setting your phone on the table and patting your thighs. Ayun immediately climbed to sit on your lap.

From inside, Jay was prepping the ingredients for an early dinner, and he could see the porch from the huge window on the side of the kitchen. He paused cutting up the potatoes to watch your interaction with Ayun, and soon after, Seungho entered with a couple of snacks and drinks in his hands.

“In case you need refreshments,” your brother said, setting the snacks on the table and heading over to the fridge to store the drinks. “Whatchu got there?”

“Oh, uhm,” Jay stuttered at the sudden appearance of your brother. “Just Japanese-style curry, if that’s okay?”

Seungho chuckled. “What do you mean ‘if that’s okay’? You’re the chef here, we’re definitely just gonna eat what you make. Oh, by the way, Byunghee can’t handle spice.”

“Noted,” Jay replied. “I’ll have the chili flakes separated and served on the table later.”

“Awesome.” Seungho smiled and took a few steps closer to where Jay was standing. “Are you sure there’s nothing I can help you with? I mean, I did hear from my sister that you’re very much a lone chef…”

Jay nodded. “And she is right. I’ve got it covered. Thank you, though. And thanks for inviting us to stay for the weekend.”

Seungho smiled and waved his hand. “It’s nothing. I really wanted to spend more time with family, and I figured the only way to make my sister come down here to Jeju is to forcefully book her tickets and let her stay in this beach house—oh, my God that is adorable!”

Jay blinked and quickly joined Seungho looking out the window. You were holding up your phone, having it on selfie mode, while letting Ayun sing whatever song she was trying to belt out. Ayun was giggling because of the cat filter you had put on.

“For someone who says she doesn’t like children, she really is good with them,” Seungho said, sounding a little solemn.

“She is,” Jay responded, almost a whisper. He then cleared his voice and continued with the meal prep.

“I’m actually glad that we decided to adopt Ayun. I don’t know if my sister had told you, but initially we wanted to be child-free. Some time along the way I think our views both changed.”

Jay had to stop chopping a carrot to gather his thoughts and process Seungho’s words. “I think you both made a great decision. Ayun seems to be happy having two great dads.”

Seungho chuckled softly and smiled to himself. “Thanks for saying that. I’ll get out of your hair now.”

Just as Seungho reached the doorway, Byunghee appeared.

“Go get our daughter and play with her for a bit. I wanna talk to my sister,” Seungho said, placing a hand on Byunghee’s shoulder.

---

You were drying your hair in the bathroom when Jay entered after knocking on the door softly. He gave you the warmest smile and you noticed the hint of fatigue on his face.

“Ayun doesn’t seem to get tired easily, does she?” you asked knowingly.

Jay pouted and nodded, and his adorable expression made you laugh. He stood next to you, and you made room for him, scooting to the side so he could use the sink.

“I had a long talk with Seungho earlier,” you said as you watched him reach for the toothpaste. “He seems to be very proud of Ayun and is having a blast raising her with Byunghee.”

“I can see that,” Jay replied, his voice muffled by the toothbrush in his mouth. “And Ayun is such a nice little girl. I’m sure they’re doing something right.”

You nodded and fell silent as you put away the dryer and began organizing the skincare by the sink. Jay noticed your unusual behavior and quickly wrapped up brushing his teeth.

“Penny for your thoughts?” he said after rinsing his mouth one last time.

You tilted your head and hesitated for a second. “I know that we haven’t really talked about it before we got married, and that’s on me, but what are your thoughts about having children?”

Jay smiled at you softly and turned to face you. He began rubbing both your shoulders with his hands. “Is this what you talked about with your brother?”

“Answer the question, Jay.”

“Alright, Boss,” Jay chuckled, leaning in to peck your cheek. “It’s your body. If you want children, then I will be happy to have them with you. If you don’t, I respect that.”

“Are you being honest?” you retorted, furrowing your eyebrows.

“When have I ever lied to you, Y/N?”

You were about to list all the excuses he had given you before, but you realized all of it was to keep the proposal a surprise. Every little white lie he told you was a cover up that led to him proposing to you, so you couldn’t really count those.

“Really? Playing with Ayun all day didn’t make you feel some sort of spark?” you asked again, this time crossing your elbows in front of your chest.

“How about you?” Jay asked back. “You spent a lot of time with her today. Did it awaken something in you?”

“You always ask me back my questions without answering,” you pouted, shoving his hands away and turning away from him.

Jay smiled and looked at you through the reflection in the mirror. “If I don’t Uno-reverse you, how will I ever know what you really think? I can’t read minds, my love.”

You pouted even more and began leaning into Jay, throwing all your body weight on him. He responded by circling his arms around your waist, pulling you into a hug. You continued to look at each other through the reflection.

“I don’t like kids in general, but maybe I’d like them if they were ours?” you asked, unsure.

“If we had a mini-me and mini-you that would literally be the most adorable thing,” Jay agreed. “But again, it’s your body. I know the thought of pregnancy isn’t that dreamy to you, so we can consider adopting if you really want us to raise a child? We can follow in your brother’s footsteps.”

Hearing Jay’s suggestion, a smile creeped up on your face. You closed your eyes and tightened your arms around his body, nuzzling your face to his neck.

“I married the right man,” you mumbled, taking in his scent.

Jay smiled and moved his head to kiss your temple. “Aren’t you glad?”

You pinched Jay’s waist as a response to his remark and he winced before letting out a hearty laugh. Your nose brushed against his chin as you attempted to kiss his jawline.

“So, ultimately I get to decide because it’s my body, right?”

Jay hummed as he squeezed you tighter, trailing his hands down from your hips to your ass.

“There’s a part of me that’s yours too, though,” you whispered, resting your head on his shoulder and looking at him through his reflection again.

“Your heart?” Jay replied.

You let out a breathy chuckle as you shook your head. “God, you’re such a romantic.”

Confused, Jay pulled away from you to look you in the eyes. You grabbed his hand from behind your waist and guided his palm to touch you between your legs.

“Oooh,” Jay reacted, nodding his head. “I get it now.”

“Idiot,” you muttered, pulling his face in for a deep kiss.

Jay kissed you passionately, pressing his body onto yours until you had to arch your back, feeling his hands squeezing your ass. You held his face firmly, moving your lips in sync with his and letting your tongues dance together. He bit your lower lip gently and you chuckled softly.

“Minty,” you commented.

Jay smiled and pecked your cheek three times. “Better than morning breath, right?”

You grinned and shook your head as you took his hand in yours and led him to the bed. You sat down on the edge, and he watched as you began to undress, leaving nothing on your body. You then wondered why he was just standing there doing nothing.

“Baby?” you called. “What’s wrong?”

Jay shook his head, never taking his eyes off your body. “You’re just so beautiful.”

You scoffed. “You’ve seen me naked a million times…”

“Take the compliment, Y/N.”

The tone in the way he said your name made you visibly blush. You brought your hands up to cover your mouth because you did not want to let Jay see your stupid grin.

“And you’re a professional panty-dropper, Jay, so please just get naked with me.”

Jay laughed at your ridiculous remark, and you laughed with him, waiting patiently until he got rid of all his clothes. When he was finally naked, he lifted you up by your waist and you shrieked as he moved you to the center of the bed.

“Sssh!” Jay said in a hurry, bringing one hand to cover your mouth. “I think your brother is still awake.”

“Jay, we’re adults, they are adults, they know what we’re doing anyway.”

“Yeah,” Jay replied, his hand moving to caress your face. “But if I had a sister, I wouldn’t love it if I could hear her getting railed.”

You groaned in disgust and Jay just laughed, burying his face in the crook of your neck. “Are we doing this or what?” you complained, lightly slapping his arm.

“Be quiet for me, okay?” Jay said as he began rubbing your waist.

“I thought you liked to hear me moan,” you complained, pouting.

Jay let out a moan of frustration and you chuckled before he silenced you by shutting your mouth with his. You both smiled into the kiss before you felt his hand squeezing your ass and moving down to spread your legs. The soft chuckles you let out turned into whimpers, and your body twitched whenever Jay put pressure on your folds with his fingers.

“Jay,” you called out breathlessly after minutes of him playing with your cunt. “I want you.”

He kissed your cheek and let his lips linger there for a moment before he whispered in your ear. “I know.”

Jay coated his fingers with your arousal and spread it all over his shaft. You licked your lips in anticipation as he aligned himself with you, and you took a deep breath as you felt him enter you. Your mouth hung open and your eyes closed, and as Jay began thrusting in and out of you, he intertwined his fingers with yours, placing your hand above your head.

He knew what he had to do to make you moan, he knew all the right buttons to push, so out of courtesy, tonight he took it agonizingly slow. Every deep and slow thrust he made only made your breath hitch, and the loudest sound you let out was a whimper. You felt his hand grab your thigh and you instantly wrapped your legs around his waist.

His chest was pressed onto yours, and the heat of his body was enveloping you and beginning to cloud your senses. You could feel his cock twitch inside of you whenever you clenched harder, and you were delighted to hear his soft little grunts by your ear when it happened. His arms flexed as he continued to hover on top of you, and you started to caress his shoulders to soothe him.

“I’m close, baby,” you whispered, grasping his shoulders.

“Cum for me first, love,” he replied, brushing your hair back.

Jay leaned into you and began sucking on your neck softly, knowing just the right thing to make you reach your high faster. He noticed your body tensing and he sucked harder, deciding not to worry about the mark that would be left on your skin. As you climaxed, you whined near his ear and he calmly shushed you, kissing your cheek.

“I love you,” he mumbled, lips brushing yours. “So much.”

You felt him release his seed inside of you and you hooked your feet together, pushing his body even closer to yours. His hips rutted and he groaned softly into your ear, so you brought your hands up and entangled your fingers in his hair. Jay licked his lips before he pushed himself up to get a look at your face.

“I love you,” you mouthed, smiling when he leaned in to kiss your lips.

Jay smiled and carefully pulled out of you. When he moved to the side, he placed one hand over your core, and as he felt his cum dripping out of you, he slid a finger over it and stuffed it back into your cunt. You almost hissed at the feeling, grabbing onto his shoulder again.

“Wouldn’t want to waste a single drop,” Jay whispered, kissing your chin. “Also, I don’t want to dirty these expensive looking sheets.”

You laughed but it came out as a snort, and Jay found it hilarious that his body began to shake with the silent laugh that he let out.

“Not too loud!” Jay half-whispered, half-shouted.

“At this point my brother is going to think we’re just watching Netflix in bed,” you whispered back.

“That might seem like a better option,” Jay replied, bringing his hand back to your waist and squeezing it softly. “Do you need another shower?”

You shook your head. “I kind of like the feeling of being sweaty after having sex with you.”

Jay smiled, proudly. “Good. Me too.”

---

The ride to the office was quiet since both you and Jay were busy with your own gadgets. Jay was reviewing a presentation that he had made, while you were checking unread messages on your phone. Your hand stopped scrolling once you read a status from an old friend, and you immediately set your phone gently on your lap and brought one hand to cover your mouth.

“Is something wrong?” Jay asked, noticing the shift in your gestures.

“An old friend from college passed away,” you muttered, moving your hand to massage your temple. “I knew that she was sick, but I haven’t checked on her over a month.”

Jay deemed that the situation was too delicate for him to even comment, so he set his iPad down and grabbed your hand. He held you tightly, intertwining your fingers and caressing your hand with his thumb. Once you adjusted your seat and took a deep breath, he looked at you carefully before he spoke.

“If you wish to visit her family, I can cover for you,” Jay said, looking at the road ahead.

“It’s all the way in Busan,” you replied, already sounding so defeated.

“I’ll book you a flight.” Jay squeezed your hand before letting go. “We’re here. I’ll ask Hwiyoung to sit in for the meeting while I handle the rest of it.”

“I’ll be on standby, Miss,” Mr. Lee chimed in, smiling at you through the rearview mirror.

You sat still in your seat as Jay grabbed his bag and opened the door. Mr. Lee even turned around slightly to look at you both.

“I got this, Y/N.” Jay leaned into you and kissed your cheek. “Mr. Lee, if you don’t mind would you kindly drive her back home so she can pack? I’ll text you the details of the flight later.”

Mr. Lee nodded and waited for Jay to close the door. He then rolled down the window for you and Jay bent over to look at you. You had tears welling up in your eyes and you could only mouth ‘thank you’ to him. He smiled at you and blew you a kiss before standing up straight and turning around.

---

The day went by in a flash. You arrived just in time for your friend’s funeral, and you were glad that you chose to wear all black when you were getting dressed earlier in the morning. After giving your condolences to the family, you had to stick around for a meal and ended up meeting other friends that you met back in college. The brief catch-up was quite pleasant, but you left with a heavy heart.

Jay decided to pick you up from the airport himself, since you insisted on flying back the same night instead of the next morning. You did not have to wait long until your car pulled up, and when you hopped in, Jay leaned over to place a soft kiss on your cheek. He let you both sit in silence, knowing that it wasn’t the right time to be asking you a bunch of questions. At almost every red light, when Jay’s hand was idle, you intertwined your fingers with his and he gave you a reassuring squeeze before the light turned green again.

When you arrived home, Jay quietly took your bag and your jacket and waited for you to walk ahead of him towards the house. He began tidying up a little as he let you unwind and do your own thing, and he turned on the jazz instrumental playlist that you had displayed on the TV. You checked on him once in a while as you took your make up off and undressed to get into the shower, and you saw him cozied up on the sofa with a book. You had no idea that the respectful silence he gave you would make you feel comforted and guilty at the same time.

You still had a towel wrapped around your head as you walked towards him in your new silk pajama set. He looked up from his book, and before he could say anything, you spoke first.

“Namjoon was there.”

You noticed the subtle shift of emotion in his eyes before he straightened his position and made room for you to sit.

“My friend,” you began, “may she rest in peace, was the one who introduced me to him, so it would be weird if he wasn’t there.”

Jay looked at you and found you staring blankly at the coffee table in front of you.

“Everyone else was there too. Some I haven’t seen in years, and they thought that Namjoon and I were still a thing.”

You could hear rustling beside you and you noticed that Jay was quietly putting his book away.

“We talked a lot, all of us. And just the two of us too. It was nothing important…”

You began to realize that Jay had been quiet for longer than usual, and it had never happened before, so you stopped mid-sentence.

“Please say something,” you whispered, almost to yourself.

Without a word, Jay moved closer to you and pulled you into his embrace. You cried, staining his shirt with your tears, and as you were shaking in his arms, he tried his best to console you with his warmth. He rubbed his hands along your arms and your back while he repeatedly whispered ‘it’s okay’ into your ear.

“You’ve had a long day,” he finally said, pulling away from you. “You need to get some rest.”

“You’re not mad?” You asked, eyes still teary yet beaming at him.

“Why would I be?” Jay replied, wiping his thumb along your cheek. “Go to bed, I’ll be with you in a minute.”

You nodded and let Jay help you stand up before you turned and headed towards the bedroom. After getting rid of your towel and sliding underneath the blanket, you realized that Jay was probably going to take some time to wash up, so you decided to go on your phone and backtrack the chats and interactions that you had with your friend.

First, you went to your phone’s gallery, but you could barely find any pictures of the two of you, so you went to your cloud storage to dig for pictures dating back to more than a decade ago. You found screenshots of your chats with her, and you made yourself laugh as you reread the chaotic conversations you used to have. Your weak smile was instantly replaced with faint sobs as you let the thought sink in—that you were never going to have a chat with your friend again.

You almost jumped from the bed when you felt Jay’s arms sneak around your waist. With one hand, he gently took your phone away from you, setting it on the end table. He then pulled you into his arms, caging you completely. You could not muster a word out of your mouth, so you brought one of his hands to your lips and kissed it, leaving a tear-stained mark on the back of his hand.

---

You woke up to complete silence. The sun was already shining brightly, and you did not have to squint since the curtains in your bedroom were left closed. It took you a couple of seconds to register the faint noise in the background, seemingly coming from the kitchen. As you turned to look at Jay’s side of the bed, you found it empty, and you saw a note sitting on top of his pillow.

“Be ready for breakfast once you wake up,” it said.

Smiling to yourself, you shoved your blanket away and went straight to the bathroom to wash up. All you did was brush your teeth and wash your face and put on the quick version of your morning skincare routine. You changed into a new crop tee but left your pajama pants on, thinking that you look pretty enough from your torso and up.

Your slippers made a muffled sound and as you reached the kitchen, Jay turned around to face you. He gave you a big smile before plating the pancakes he just made on a plate for the both of you. You chuckled when you saw your plate with perfectly stacked pancakes and garnish that was obviously carefully put, while Jay’s plate had three stacks of pancakes that almost looked like the leaning tower of Pisa with the fruits haphazardly spread around the edges.

“Perfect timing,” Jay said, wiping his hands with a tea towel before taking his apron off. “Good morning, my love.”

You walked towards the counter but completely ignored the breakfast. Instead, you took a couple more steps to reach your husband and threw yourself into his arms.

“It’s always a good morning if I wake up to the sound of you,” you murmured, lips touching his neck. You could hear him chuckle softly.

“I’ve trained myself to be only slightly noisy if I wake up before you,” Jay replied. “Now let’s dig in.”

You shook your head, bumping it with his shoulder. Jay had to take a step back to look at you with furrowed eyebrows.

“Have I told you lately that I love you?” You asked, tilting your head.

Jay smiled before pecking your lips. “Even if you don’t tell me, I already know.”

You hummed as you let him pepper soft kisses all over your face. “So can I still show you even if I don’t tell you?”

Now it was Jay who was tilting his head. “What do you mean?”

You sighed and shook your head gently. Then you placed a hand to cup Jay’s face and kissed him on the chin. “Take the hint, Jay.”

“Uhm,” Jay gulped. His eyes fluttered shut as he felt your lips trailing wet kisses along his jawline. “Okay.”

You both laughed at his awkward response but then Jay quickly silenced you with his lips. The way he kissed you with force made you arch your back, almost losing balance, but his arm was firmly wrapped around your waist. With every aggressive kiss that landed on your face, he took a step forward until he cornered you to the counter.

“Thank God our kitchen is huge,” Jay whispered, picking you up by your waist and making you sit on the counter.

You giggled and nodded, resting your arms on his shoulders. He stood between your legs and stared at you for a while, eventually making you blush and look away.

“My gorgeous, gorgeous wife,” he said, cupping your face and turning your head to face him again. “How did I get so lucky?”

“I could ask myself the same thing,” you replied. You did not blink as you grazed your lips along his.

When Jay latched his mouth onto yours, your hands immediately slid down his biceps and made their way to his abs, lingering for a second before you slipped one hand into his pants. He gasped slightly against your lips as he felt your fingers wrap around his hardened length.

“Good morning to you, Sir.”

Jay almost snorted at your remark, but he quickly set the mood again by resting the palms of his hands on your ass and squeezing them. You yelped at the gesture and buried your face in his neck to laugh wholeheartedly. Jay managed to find his way back to your lips, kissing you endlessly, passionately, like you were the only thing he needed to breathe in.

Everything else went by so fast but so slow at the same time, you felt. In mere seconds, Jay got rid of his pants and yours too, and the next thing you remember was him thrusting into you at a frustratingly slow pace. You wanted him to go fast, but you also wanted to savor every moment. You wanted him to go hard, but you also wanted to feel every part of your skin light up whenever he touched you, or whenever he twitched inside of you.

Jay kept the slow pace as he rested his forehead against yours. He was breathing through his mouth, and you could feel the air around you turn into his scent. His sweat trickled down his face, and you caressed his cheek and rested your hand there, closing your eyes while you bask in the feeling of being completely enveloped in his warmth.

Your moans were repetitive in his ear, but there was no sound that he wanted to hear more. The way you grabbed on his shirt and bunched the fabric in your fist just made him want to thrust into you more, to be deep inside you even more. He placed a hand on the small of your back, gently pushing you more towards him, and you wrapped your legs around his waist and latched your feet together, locking him in.

“Jay,” you whimpered, slowly losing your breath.

“I got you, baby,” Jay replied, kissing the back of your ear.

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and felt him rut his hips into yours, and seconds later you felt the warmth of his cum coat your insides. Jay tilted his head to kiss your neck and suck your soft skin a little more intensely, sending you to your own high too.

You both stayed in the same position, panting almost in unison. When you felt him starting to pull away, you placed a hand on his back.

“Stay,” you whispered. “For a bit.”

Jay adjusted his position and placed his palms on the counter, lifting his head to look at you. His smile looked tired, so you gently caressed his face and brushed his hair back.

“Jay,” you began speaking in the softest voice you could muster. You saw his eyes lock with yours. “I need you to know that I’m yours. Heart, body, mind, and soul.”

Your statement was merely met with a blink of his eyes, so you decided to elaborate.

“I know I might not say it as much as you do, but I truly love you. And I might not show it in the same way as you do, and I don’t know why, but I try to, and…”

Your sentence was put to a halt because of your sealed lips. Jay pulled back from your lips with a smack.

“I know,” he said. “Believe me, I do. So don’t you worry.”

You had to fight back tears from streaming down your face again, so you pulled him into another hug. He took in your scent and breathed against your shoulder.

“I’m yours too,” he mumbled. “Completely.”

---

The next months, you swore, went by in the blink of an eye. The last quarter of the year was always the busiest period for almost any company, and it included yours. You were having back-to-back meetings, flights to cities you had never been before, and you also had to supervise a new group of interns that your staff had hired.

Jay was surely the most valuable person through it all. He always made sure you were taken care of, both at the office and at home. He also kept a close monitor of his own health, claiming that he could not take care of you if he was not in his best condition. He would forget small things occasionally, but you never gave him hell for it.

You found yourself more accommodating as well, saying yes to almost everything he suggests related to your best interest. You had been having fewer arguments, but more comfortable silences. All in all, the hustle and bustle of your daily lives somehow made your relationship even better.

Until that one fateful day, where you had to attend an important meeting that clashed with another scheduled meeting in your office. After a slight panic in rearranging things, you decided to delegate Jay to the meeting outside so you can handle the one in your building. Luckily, Yeji was right by your side to take over Jay’s usual position.

You were feeling off from the minute you woke up, but you tried your best to hide it because it was an important day. Jay had even more things to worry about too, so he wasn’t exactly as attentive as other days. In fact, you managed to breathe a sigh of relief the moment he told you he was leaving for the meeting.

The sharp stabbing feeling on top of your left eye did not wear off as you tried your best to focus on the presentation. Yeji glanced at you whenever you brought a hand to touch your forehead, and eventually you did it so many times that she just had to ask.

“Are you alright, Miss?” She leaned into you, trying to keep her voice low.

You nodded gently. “I think I need to use the restroom.”

The large meeting room was on the floor above your office, so it would take too long if you used your private bathroom. You turned your heels towards the women’s restroom, gently letting the door go and close behind you.

It took a while for Yeji to notice that you were taking a bit too long. She only noticed after the other attendees started getting restless because they expected to hear direct feedback from you. Yeji then quickly stood up and excused herself to go fetch you from the bathroom.

“Miss?” She called, pushing the door open.

You had your head down facing the sink, and your hands were grasping the edge of the counter so hard that your knuckles were turning white.

“Miss?” Yeji started to sound worried. “Miss, are you—”

Your hand slipped and you almost hit your head on the floor as you slowly slumped, but you could hear Yeji’s breath hitch as she desperately tried to reach you before you could hurt yourself.

“Miss!”

You were losing your vision, but you felt your head resting on Yeji’s lap. You heard Yeji saying that your lips were so pale and your hands were cold as ice. In the midst of her panic, and feeling her body rustle under you as she reached for her phone in her pocket, you could feel your consciousness slipping away.

“Park, please,” Yeji said into the phone, almost breaking into a sob. “She’s about to faint.”

You could hear Jay’s faint sound through the phone, asking about your location, and the next thing you knew everything was black for a short moment. When you opened your eyes again, Yeji’s lap was replaced by Jay’s, and before you could register anything else, you threw up all over his chest.

“It’s okay,” Jay muttered despite being worried sick himself. “I’m here, just let it out.”

You blinked several times and saw Yeji holding her phone and furiously typing on it as she stood by the entrance, also holding the restroom door open with her body. You looked up at Jay and you had never seen the type of expression he was wearing on his face.

He brought up one hand to your face to wipe the vomit off your chin, but he was clearly trembling. “Yeji,” he said before clearing his throat. “Medic?”

“On their way,” Yeji replied in an instant. “Should I—”

“I’ll carry her down,” Jay said, carelessly wiping his shirt with a paper towel that Yeji gave him.

“I’ll come with you,” she said after she was done typing on her phone.

Jay was now rushing, seeing that you had closed your eyes again. “Stay back and notify the people at the meeting,” he said, grunting as he picked you up in his arms. “In both meetings, actually. I had to leave mine too. I’ll meet you in the hospital.”

Yeji nodded and held the door open as wide as possible to let Jay pass with you in his arms.

---

The consistent sound of the repetitive beep on your left was what made you wake up. You blinked and looked to your side, only to find Yeji’s eyes widening as she slowly stood up.

“Miss,” she said softly. “Stay here, I’ll go get a doctor and find Park, okay?”

You gave her a faint smile and then chuckled to yourself. It wasn’t like you could move anyway. You had an IV drip inserted into your hand and your body still felt heavy. You stared at the ceiling for a while and then noticed that the walls were painted a nice shade of ivory, and a moment later you heard the sound of footsteps rushing towards the door.

Jay entered first, locking eyes with you instantly as he made his way to your side. He took your free hand and made you cup his face. He still looked worried, and you couldn’t tell if the sparkle in his eyes were tears that he was holding back or the reflection of the lights.

You were so focused on Jay that you didn’t notice the doctor speaking to Yeji on the other side of the bed. Their muffled voices slowly became clearer to you, and you were able to make out the last part of her sentence.

“…at least until the baby comes,” you heard her say, clutching the stethoscope around her neck.

You turned to look at Yeji’s direction and you felt Jay’s hand squeeze yours gently. “What?” You asked, the only word you managed to let out.

Yeji covered her wide smile with both her hands and looked at both you and Jay. There was a brief exchange of glances before Yeji and the doctor excused themselves, leaving you and Jay alone.

“You knew?” You asked Jay, watching him get comfortable as he leaned on the bed closer to you.

“I did have a short conversation with the doctor before you woke up. Before that, I didn’t. I’m sorry I didn’t notice the signs, my love.”

Your eyebrows began to furrow, and the grip you had on Jay’s hand began to loosen. Jay quickly reached for your hand with both of his, stroking the back of your hand with his thumb.

“It’ll be okay,” Jay said. “We’ve got this.”

“It’s not what we planned,” you croaked. You could already feel the tears welling up again. In all honesty, you were not sure how to feel.

“We can adapt,” Jay replied. “It’s what we do best.”

You watched as Jay lifted your hand and gently brought it to his lips, kissing your hand and lingering for a while as he closed his eyes. You felt his breath on your skin, the warmth of his hands, and as he opened his eyes you knew he was happy, and that was why his eyes sparkled.

Trying your best, you reached out both arms towards him and he immediately scooted closer, helping you sit up to properly embrace you. You sobbed softly as you rested your head on his shoulder, and he calmly rubbed your back and your sides as he showered you with words of affirmation.

Once he was certain you had calmed down, he pulled away and kept his hands on your shoulders.

“Alright, love?” He asked, bringing his hand to your chin to tilt it up.

“Your shirt smells like vomit,” you replied weakly before turning your frown into a smile.

Jay chuckled silently and moved closer to leave a kiss on your forehead, and in that instant, you felt a thousand times better.

-END-

SECRETARY!JAY will return…

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devilat-thedoor · 1 year

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Best Bad Habit

🤍Hey Babes🤍

Took a small break from HTY today… So this is just a little something that I wrote up in like an hour after listening to this song and thinking about Sammy baby🫠 Hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it💖

Word Count: 2.4k

Pairing: Sam Kiszka x f!reader

Warnings: Smut(18+ Minors DNI), Oral (f receiving), Mutual Masturbation, Unprotected Sex. i think that’s all!

Craving your touch, yeah I need a fix // Of all of the things that are bad for me, you’re the one that I don’t wanna kick.

“Oh eat shit, Sam!” You stood in the middle of the full parking lot, screaming at him. “Yanno, you can be a real asshole sometimes!”

He countered your claim, “I can be an asshole?” He scoffed in disbelief, “You’re acting insane, Y/N!”

“How am I acting insane? Hmm?” You stepped closer to him, pointing past him towards the neon illuminated bar, “Because I’m upset that you’re eye fucking and flirting with every woman in the bar?” You turned to walk away, not interested in his response.

Sam was hot on your heels, grabbing your wrist and forcing you to face him, “I don’t know what you want from me!” He was shouting now, frustrated at your attitude, “You made it clear that there’s no label on this, Y/N! You wanted to keep your options open, so fucking excuse me for doing the same!” He dragged his hands through his hair, clearly exasperated.

Your spat was garnering the attention of arriving patrons, making their way into the barroom. “Fuck you, Sam… You want options?” Your voice was barely a whisper now as you drug your keys from your bag and gestured between the two of you, “Have them all. This is done.”

“Yeah okay…” Sam stayed planted in place, watching you walk to your car. “Don’t come knocking on my door with that innocent smile the next time you miss me and you’re looking for a quick fix!”

You got into the car, slamming the door shut. God he fucking sucks. You didn’t need him, there were plenty of guys out there. Sure, Sam was a good fuck… Maybe the best you’ve had, but everything was replaceable. Wasn’t it?

You made it through your front door, tossing your keys into your purse and dropping it on the floor. It was only 9pm. You didn’t plan on being home until at least midnight. Sam ruined everything. Deep down, you knew the blame wasn’t all on him, but in your stubborn state of mind, you couldn’t be bothered to accept responsibility. You could always just go back out, hit a different bar, find a different man… But you chose to stay in. You poured yourself a large glass of wine and loaded a vinyl into the turntable, letting the smooth music carry your frustration away.

After a third glass, your body was feeling warm, but something was still missing. You knew what it was, but you didn’t dare admit it to yourself. You craved his touch. The electric feeling his fingers left on your skin wherever they roamed. The way he knew just where to kiss you to make you melt in his hands. The ends of his hair, brushing over your face, tickling you, when he was atop of you. You grazed your fingers over your bare skin above the tank top you were wearing, imagining that it was him. Setting the wine glass on the table, you stood from the couch and stalked into your bedroom, straight to your nightstand. You opened it up, digging through it for a moment to find your vibrator wand. It was tucked in the bottom, buried away from not being used for so long. Returning to the living room, you slid your shorts off and settled back into the couch. You kicked your feet up on the coffee table, letting your legs fall apart slightly. You flipped the switch on the toy, unsure if the battery had any life left in it, but smiled to yourself when the rapid buzzing sound filled the air. Leaning back, you let your body rest against the back cushions as you brought the vibrations to your covered clit. The first touch made you jolt, sending a shockwave to your belly. “Shit.” Adding a little more pressure, your head tumbled back as your breathing picked up. Your free hand traveled across your stomach and up to your breast, squeezing it through your shirt. You were almost there, just a little more… Before your orgasm had a chance to bloom, there was a knock at your front door. You shot up straight, fumbling to click the toy off. You thought you may have imagined it, but then the gentle knocks came again. Taking a second to regain some shred of composure, you tossed the vibrator behind one of the pillows to hide it and stood up. It was well after 11pm now, who was at your door? You shuffled over, cracking the door open a bit to get a glimpse.

“Baby, let me in…” Sam peered at you through the small opening, a pleading look in his eyes.

You let out a heavy sigh and pulled the door open, “What do you want, Sam?” Your tone was harsh. Mostly because you were still pissed at him from the argument, but also because he just interrupted your impending orgasm.

He didn’t make a move to come in yet, “I’m sorry…” His eyes flicked down to your bare legs and slowly raked back up to meet your stare. “I was being an ass… But I can’t stay away from you, baby. You know that.” He took one step over the threshold. “I know you don’t want me the same way and I know I’m gonna get hurt…”

“Sammy…” You wanted to tell him that you did want him the same way. Nobody else compared to him. He was the first thought in your brain when you woke up and last before you fell asleep. Everything about him was intoxicating. Like the finest wine on the planet. But you were afraid of being hurt too.

He shook his head, stopping your mouth from moving, “You’re like a drug that I just can’t get enough of.” His hand reached out, thumb brushing over your bottom lip. “I’m at your mercy, Y/N.”

You couldn’t take it anymore. You caved, grasping his shirt and pulling him into a kiss so heated that you thought you might combust. He rushed you backwards, giving him space to kick the door shut and lifted you, bringing your legs around his waist. Your fingers weaved through his hair, holding his lips to yours as your tongue dove into his mouth. He had one arm wrapped behind your back while the other held your ass. You moaned into the kiss, grinding your hips against him in search of friction. “I want you, Sammy. Only you.” He looked at you, brows drawn together in question, silently asking if you were saying what he thought you were. You gave a quick nod, brushing your nose with his. “You and me.”

“Fuck, baby…” He came to the couch, sitting the two of you down. Grazing his fingers over your cheek, he pulled you back in for another kiss, slotting between your legs and pushing you to lay down. He grabbed the pillow behind you to make room for you, but his eyes caught something, causing him to pull away from you. Before you could protest, he reached over you and picked up the vibrator, holding it in front of your face. “Is this what you were doing when I knocked?” The smirk on his face was devious, “Is that why your cheeks were flushed when you opened the door, sweetheart?”

Your eyes went back and forth between him and the toy in his hand. “I needed you. Craved your touch… But you told me not to come back…” You chewed on your lip, watching his eyes darken.

He flipped the switch, the buzzing filling the air once again. “Show me how bad you needed me.” He placed it in your hand and scooted back, sitting at the opposite end of the couch. “Go on. I wanna see how you take care of yourself when I’m not around to satisfy her.” He nodded to your core. You were already a soaked mess, but the way he was gazing at you turned you to a puddle. You slowly brought the toy back to the front of your panties, but before you could make contact, Sam stopped you. “Take them off. I wanna see how wet she is.” His eye never left yours as you shifted, sliding the cherry red thong down your legs and dropping it on the floor. You sat back against the arm on your end of the sofa, letting your legs fall apart to give him a full view. His gaze dropped, tongue darting out to wet his lips, “So fucking beautiful.”

You finally guided the wand to your clit, already so sensitive. “Mmm. Sammy…” Your eyes fluttered as your hips worked to grind against the vibrations. The whimpers that flowed from your mouth mixed with the music playing quietly in the background and Sam would swear it was the most heavenly sound he’s ever heard.

“It feels good, doesn’t it, baby?” Sam’s voice was raspy, dripping with lust. You bit down on your lip, giving him a nod in response. “Use your fingers, Y/N.”

You obeyed, flipping the switch and discarding the toy. You pulled your middle and ring finger into your mouth, sucking on them until they were coated in your spit. Your eyes stayed locked with his as you withdrew the digits and trailed them from your neck, down your torso and over your clit, a shiver ghosting through you. You allowed them to travel lower, gathering up your arousal and pushed them inside of yourself. “Fuck.” Your brows pulled together as you curled your fingers, moving them in and out at an achingly slow pace. Your head rolled back, soft moans pouring from your throat as your eyes fell shut.

“Such a pretty girl, fucking yourself. Putting on a show for me.” Sam let out a groan, prompting you to look up. Your eyes immediately landed on his hand, wrapped around his cock and stroking it lazily. “Can you get yourself off, baby? Hmm? Make yourself cum like a good girl and I’ll fuck you until you’re begging me to stop.”

You couldn’t stop watching his hand, twisting and winding over his hardened length. All you could offer was a hum as you worked your fingers deeper into your cunt, using your free hand to rub circles on your clit. You picked up your speed, wanting to finish as fast as possible so Sam would just touch you. Finding the perfect spot inside of yourself, you brushed over it repeatedly. Your body was writhing, “S- So close, Sammy.” You were about to topple over the edge as you squeezed your eyes shut. But right before your orgasm could hit, Sam yanked your hands away. As you were about to scold him, he dropped down, attaching his mouth to you. “Oh, god… oh fucking christ.” Your mouth hung open as your fingers tangled in his hair. He smirked against you, flicking his tongue over your throbbing clit, and pushed his long middle finger into you. With a single curl of his digit, you were done. Your legs snapped shut around his head as your body shook. He lapped at you, carrying you through the climax with ease.

Once the tension dissipated and your body relaxed into the cushions, Sammy sat up and pulled your legs so that you were laying flat across the couch. “I’m gonna make sure you see stars.” He didn’t give you a chance to respond before he flipped you over in a swift movement, now flat on your tummy. He gripped your hips, lifting them slightly and drove into your dripping core. “She’s so wet for me, baby.” His hand cracked across your ass cheek, leaving a sting. “This pussy loves me. Loves the way my cock fills her up, doesn’t she?” He was moving at a relentless pace, his skin slapping yours as he panted. When you didn’t respond, he grabbed a handful of your hair, turning your head to face him. “Doesn’t she, Y/N?

“Fuck.” You could already feel another orgasm building, “Yes, Sammy. She loves it… Feels so fucking good, baby.” You knew the confession satisfied him by the way he groaned out loud.

He pushed your leg to bed at the knee, giving him access to go deeper. “Yeah, I know she does. I can feel you getting closer…” The hand that held your hair loosened enough for him to put his palm flat to your head, pushing it into the cushions. He held your head in place and pulled your hips up higher, fucking into you at a new angle. “Nobody will ever know this pussy like me. No one could ever fuck her like me. She’s mine.” His cock brushed over your g spot, eliciting a sharp gasp from you. “Tell me, baby.” Sam’s thrusts were becoming erratic, “Tell me she’s mine.” He almost sounded desperate.

You mumbled through strangled whines and moans, “She is, Sammy. All yours. I promise, it’s only you. Shiiiit.” He hit you with a particularly pointed stroke and your eyes rolled back. Everything went black as your mouth fell open, nothing but panting breaths escaping. Your orgasm exploded into a sea of colors behind your eyelids as they squeezed shut. He wasn’t lying when he said he’d make you see stars.

Sam was right there with you, hips staggering as he collapsed onto your back, filling you with his release. “Oh fuck, baby.” His warm breath blanketed your skin as you both allowed yourselves to come down.

He stayed nestled inside of you, his body weight draped over your back. When you felt his lips press into your shoulder blade, you picked you head up to peek at him, “I meant it, yanno…” Your voice was a mere whisper.

“Meant what?” Sam pulled out of you then and flipped you onto your back before laying atop your body again.

You pushed the sweat soaked hair from his forehead, a smile curling your lip. “It’s only you. I don’t want anybody else.” Your fingers danced over his cheek with a featherlight touch, “It was never about having options, Sammy. I was afraid of getting hurt… Afraid you’d find someone better.”

He caught your hand, bringing it to his mouth to place a kiss on your knuckles, “I’ve only wanted you, nobody else…I’ve been hooked on you since the first taste, Y/N.” He allowed you to pull him into a soft kiss before laying his head on your chest. “I couldn’t quit you if I tried.” You rubbed your hand down his back, letting his words sink in. “You’re my best bad habit, baby.”

#sam kiskza #sammy baby #greta van fleet #gvf #sam kiszka x reader #sam kiszka smut #sam kiszka fic #sam gvf #gvf fic #greta van fleet smut #greta van fic

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littleandless · 2 months

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HOUSE OF THE DRAGON SEASON 2 FINALE: MY THOUGHTS

i mean, wow.

tyland getting some screen time yay. also, i was glad to see the trend of dyed beards represented on screen FINALLY. game of thrones shied away from that.

aegon and larys running away together…doomed yaoi</3

honestly i’m glad they made aegon’s broken dick part of show canon. first of all, he deserves it, but also…it means he’s about to get perverted in a different way. maybe larys will introduce him to voyeurism.

jacaerys has gone full-on bratty failson, which is kind of pathetic and sexy of him tbh.

ulf went from harmless idiot to dangerously irreverent soooo quickly. i know he has a dragon or whatever but he should at least pretend to kiss ass for the moment. like hugh! he knows the value of appearances.

how the hell did gwayne even find out about alicent and criston fucking? am i meant to assume he extrapolated that from the intense sniffing of the handkerchief?

i love how nihilistic criston cole has become. no more shiny white veneer, just a bald-faced suicide mission. he doesn’t fear death. the only thing holding him back since that night when alicent found him was her. and now he sees the futility of it all. so yeah, let’s embrace death! yippee!

this episode added so much to helaena’s character. after we see her and daemon interact in his weirwood vision, it cuts to her in the next scene, in the same outfit with the same facial expression. we’ve had 2 seasons of helaena making prophetic statements, but they were always full of metaphors, and her dreamer status seemed more like something that happened to her rather than something she did. but this episode turns that assumption completely on its head.

the weirwood vision was INSANE! BLOODRAVEN! DAENERYS! THE WHITE WALKERS! it reminded me that we’re being told this story for a purpose. grrm didn’t write a spin-off just for the sake of making a few extra dollars. it’s all connected. we’ve been hearing about the dance since shireen baratheon taught davos seaworth about it in season 5 and joffrey spoiled the ending in season 3 of game of thrones. and when ser duncan and baby egg finally appear on screen in a knight of the seven kingdoms, witnessing the blackfyre rebellions amd interacting with brynden rivers, things will be recontextualized yet again. the impact of all of these characters reverberates for centuries. you see it everywhere in a song of ice and fire. even if you’re not much of a reader, i implore you to read them anyway. and i’m not just saying that. even if grrm never actually finishes the series, i will die swearing that it was totally worth the read. if you have any love for these characters at all, give it a shot.

back to helaena: her scene with aemond was fucking fantastic. away from the eyes of their mother, each of them is more themselves than ever. aemond isn’t just an incel a wounded aggressor and helaena isn’t just a wounded dove. they both have a clarity of purpose, and they are in direct opposition to the other’s. aemond “come with me, help me defend us and all we hold dear” and helaena “it won’t change anything, it’s over, you’re already dead” it had me on the absolute edge of my seat. i felt like a dog in need of a stuffed animal to annihilate with my teeth. THIS IS CINEMA.

back to daemon: from his first scene in the episode, we see a resignation that wasn’t there before. he accepts the maddening nature of harrenhal, he accepts alys hovering over him at night and leading him to the weirwood tree, and he doesn’t brush off her words. he embraces the power of this place as well as the finality of what it reveals to him. there will be no more yearning or grasping, at least not for his own purposes. he knows what he must do. he submits to rhaenyra as he submits to his impending death.

the scene between alyn and corlys was so powerful. idk maybe it’s because i have daddy issues too, but it moved me a lot. watching your father forsake you for his trueborn heirs while you toil ceaselessly for survival, and then witnessing the downfall of everything he holds dear, and then finally…finally he acknowledges your value. knowing that all your success as a ship captain is attributed to the man who didn’t or couldn’t give you shit else. trying to compensate for decades-old wounds. all of this and he can still barely stand to meet your eyes. GOD.

another illicit rhaenicent scene! so much sexual potential and they just keep squandering it!

but seriously, that scene was insane. alicent has completely given up. “here, have the castle. take king’s landing. i’ll open the door for you. fuck, take my son too, take it all.”

all of their relationship encapsulated in a single conversation! everything boiled down to its base essence: i clung to honor and tradition and resented you because you didn’t, and now i’ve done some of the same things i always judged you for and i’ve realized it doesn’t matter. i just want this all to end.

that’s it, guys! that’s their whole dynamic! hell, that’s the whole show basically! but it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late! it’s too late!

someone redesign the sigil of house targaryen as a dragon eating its own tail and wrap this shit up

#house of the dragon #house of the dragon spoilers #rhaenyra targaryen #alicent hightower #asoiaf #fire & blood #aemond targaryen #aegon ii targaryen #fire & blood spoilers #a knight of the seven kingdoms #dunk & egg #hotd finale #hotd s2e8 #house of the dragon s2e8

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ratinayellowbandana · 4 months

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lavender thread // a curated imodna playlist

I started curating this playlist over two years ago, and it’s still one of my favorite creations because I put arguably way too much thought into it. I soft-launched this a couple weeks ago, and I was genuinely surprised by how many people checked it out.

It’s in rough chronological order from pre-relationship to post-campaign. Every song goes through a fairly thorough vetting process for thematic appropriateness, accuracy, tone, and genre. For example, if there are too many references to modern technology, days of the week, months, real places, religion, etc., it will likely be cut to build the "world of the story." Imodna playlist, but make it hyperspecific. Like, corpse falling in love with an embalmer specific. (you can find the "rejects" here)

Right now, the playlist is broken into two acts, with a prologue, an epilogue, and a couple of sub-sections sprinkled in. I personally recommend not shuffling, at least on a first listen, so you get to experience the full journey. But hey, I can’t stop you.

This playlist is a constant work in progress. I’ll add new songs I find that feel fitting, and sometimes they live at the bottom of the playlist for a while before I get around to slotting them in. “Dance in the Graveyards” will always be the end of the structured playlist. Rarely, I’ll remove or shuffle a song if I think it doesn’t fit the vibe, the lyrics aren’t specific enough, or it’s just not working.

I’m making this post to share my playlist with anyone else who might want it and to write down my reasoning for every song so I don’t forget it. It’ll be updated as new songs get added. Enjoy!

I laid out my reasoning for each song mostly for my own benefit. You'll see the "section," song title, artist, a little blurb from me, and one/two of my favorite or the most relevant sections of the song. Sometimes, I just had to pick something because the whole song was perfect.

Prologue:

“Stories” - Lilli Furfaro

It’s a beautiful framing device. It’s the premise of the game, the world, the show, and the characters. Fun fact: I found this song two full years before I learned she made a whole Vox Machina album lol.

“We are stories / Bеginnings, middles, ends / Our power lies in living lives that touch a life or two [...] / In this world we’ve built on games of chance / And hours of introspection”

ACT 1

Laudna, Before:

A general note: I looked for songs that were just slightly off-putting with darker over and undertones to match Laudna’s energy.

“Old Churchyard” - The Wailin’ Jennys

Welcome to the world. Foreshadowing and a set-up for the downfall of Whitestone. Speaks to the exhaustion. I imagine a tiny Laudna being ever so hopeful that it might get better but embracing the eeriness of a graveyard in the meantime.

“I rest in the hope that one bright day / Sunshine will burst through these prisons of clay / And the trumpets will sound on the hills near and far / Will wake up the dead in the old churchyard”

“Funeral Bell” - PHILDEL

The aftermath of the banquet. The fear, sadness, and resignation. The sense of relief.

“Oh mother, I’m scared to die. / Where, where do my good deeds lie? / Oh father, I’m scared to live, / Takes more than I’ve got to give.”

“Apple Tree” - Marika Hackman

Hanging from the tree. A crowd gathering. Wanting to be remembered. Enough said.

“Here I hang for the sated crowd / To look upon my eyes, look upon my mouth / And say, ‘We were there that day / I saw a face, heard a sound’”

“Special Death” - Mirah

Asking, “Why me?” A sense of confusion and loss along with the saving of Whitestone. Concludes with the beginnings of the la-la-las.

“But it's a special death you saved / For me, the brown-eyed daughter”

“Ain’t No Grave (Sparse)” - Crooked Sill, Aoife O’Donovan

It’s a little on the nose, yes, but I chose this version specifically for the sense of emptiness it evokes. There’s an implied skepticism of seeing people you think you’re able to trust, specifically “gods’ people” (as I’m choosing to interpret it), and thinking of the clerics who saw a monster. The dismay of being resurrected into a world that hates you. We’ll see if this one sticks; it’s a little heavy on references to Christianity.

“Ain't no grave gonna hold my body down / When I hear that trumpet sound / I'm gonna get up out of the ground”

“Don’t Know Who I Am” - Rebecca Roubion

The distinct loss of identity and a surprisingly apt description. Laudna had no name and no sense of self or what she was. She’s searching for something to identify.

“Black tears on my shirt / Black tears on my freckles / I've been stung by this hurt / I've been stung by a stinging nettle”

“Lying Beast” - Run River North

Running. Running far and fast, leaving home behind. Seeing herself as a beast and being terrified of it. So alone.

“And so I flew away with myself / I was the beast all alone in my hell!”

“Drinking Song” - House Phone

What could she have become if she hadn’t been murdered so soon? We see her begin to play and fantasize and dream and grow.

“'Cause you won't rewrite history / To commemorate the likes of me / And you would not believe me if I tried / To tell you all the things I've seen / And all the places that I've been”

“Mile Magnificent” - molly ofgeography

Starting to explore her magic and Delilah’s influence in her head. It starts to feel... good? The pent-up frustration and anger have a release.

“We bloom beneath the blessings of a goddess with no face [...] / All my better demons have gone the way they came”

“Stolen Roses” - Karen Elson

Digging into the anger, searching for a purpose. Too old and too young at the same time, forced to grow up too fast.

“There once was a time when I was a girl / That darkness hung in my sky / I was old before I learned to be young / Stone cold till I learn how to cry”

“These Bones” - Azrai (ft. Momo O’brien)

Searching for a home, a place to rest. Crossing the sea to Marquet. (The intro, as you’ll hear, foreshadows the pluckier sound of Imogen’s section.) Skeletal imagery.

“I am a long time finding home / I have only ever wandered before / It′s a savage sea we're made to roam / Every tide can turn to haunt us / But the ocean reaches past these ghosts / And I will always sail for more”

“Mountain Song” - Little Chief

A beautiful, adventurous musical introduction. Open to the possibility of new things, still weary, but there’s more here.

“I’ve been living in a hole in the mountain / Ain’t no sins in there / Oh, these memories they keep on following”

This is our transition into...

Imogen, Before:

A general note: I tried to seek out songs with more of a folky-bluegrass vibe for Imogen to match her background.

“Second Child, Restless Child” - The Oh Hellos

I imagine a very young, carefree Imogen. Well before her powers kicked in. I like to think she thought she was a bit of a troublemaker, but anything she did was so endearing and mild that it was sweet. A happy kid with big dreams until the signs of something else started to appear.

“With a spirit running wild, running free / And they saw trouble in my eyes / They were quick to recognize the devil in me”

“I’ve Endured” - Tim O’Brien

Growing up with her father in the mountains and in the fields. The nightmares begin. But this is fine, right? She can handle this.

“I've seen the lightnin' flashin', I heard the thunder roll / I've endured, I've endured / How long must one endure?”

“Wander. Wonder.” - The Arcadian Wild

The powers are coming on strong. Post-nightmares and in pain, nothing she did was good enough. She felt trapped in her own home, shackled by her mind and father, perhaps, as she tried not to let on that she was changing.

“Half awake I wander through this house / Lost in a labyrinth and left with no way out / I built this hall of mirrors all myself / Faces staring back at me look like somebody else”

“Lost in My Mind” - The Head And The Heart

Everything is So Much. Thoughts of leaving but–

“Momma once told me / ‘You're already home where you feel loved,’ / I am lost in my mind / I get lost in my mind”

“Trouble and Woe” - Ruth Moody

The voices are awful, and the world is so bleak. People are cruel. Getting worse, and hoping it will get better.

“This world is full of trouble and woe / All I see is trouble, everywhere I go”

“Little Bird” - The Weepies

People have noticed. Trips to town are much harder. The voices are louder.

“Sometimes it's hard to say even one thing true / When all eyes have turned aside, they used to talk to you / And people on the streets seem to disapprove / So you keep moving away”

“Storm Comin’” - The Wailin’ Jennys

It’s getting worse. Nightmares getting more frequent. Control is slipping. And, you might notice this song is by the same artist as Laudna’s first. I do love a bit of symbolism.

“Will you listen to that thunder roar and let your spirits soar / When that love calls, open up your door [...] / No, don’t run from the coming storm, ‘cause it can’t keep a storm from coming.”

This leads us to…

Connection

General note: a blending of both genres and styles.

“Mostly” - Vian Izak, Juniper Vale

A prelude, almost. Are you real?

“I've bought up all my dreams and sold off most my heart / I'd been lying to myself just to bury all my thoughts”

“Maybe” - The Henry Girls

The timid hope of meeting someone and realizing you feel like you’ve known them all your life. Suddenly, things might be okay.

“I feel like I should know you / I feel like we have met before [...] / And all these things that I don't really understand / Would be much simpler if you'd only hold my hand”

“Dandelion” - Heather Maloney

A moment of peace. I like to think of this as Laudna’s adoration of the natural world and its beauty. Her will to bend the laws of the world to give Imogen what she deserves. And, on a more literal level, to offer Imogen the gift of flowers because Laudna has little else to her name. This song also begins the recurring flowers-in-hair motif.

“I have nothing but these weathered hands / And I live nowhere on this wild land”

“Rain Clouds” - The Arcadian Wild

A connection over shared struggles from both sides. A mutual agreement of trust.

“I’m being frightened by the people / They look at me like I’m a scar upon their perfect skin / Perfect to only them / I’m being shadowed by my past / Reminding me of what I was and what I could become”

“Daylight” - Watchhouse

Realizing that this person might’ve saved you.

“My search was unending, and my soul was bare. And darling you came to me like a midnight flare.”

“The Devil In You” - The Haunted Windchimes

The joy of being seen. Of being known.

“I've walked a long long way it ain't new / Here I sit face to face with the devil in you / It looks a lot like someone I've spoken to / We were broken together it's true”

“Curses” - The Crane Wives

The fear that neither is good enough for the other. Basic choice? Maybe. But it’s too good to pass up.

"Every word I say is kindling / But the smoke clears when you're around / Won't you stay with me, my darling / When my walls start burning down, down, down?”

“Wildflowers” - The Wailin’ Jennys

You deserve better. You deserve the world, and I can’t give that to you. The feeling that this is too good to be true. Surely, it can’t last.

“Go away somewhere bright and new / I have seen no other / That compares with you”

“Bruised Feet” - Haunted Like Human

Laudna’s invitation to leave. Together. An escape from mistakes and the past.

“Do you want to hear the stories these bruised feet could tell / ‘Cause I’ve been chasing sunrises, throwing change in wishing wells / And I’m running to and I’m running from and oh Lord knows that I ain’t done / Running for the sake of running wild, so come with me child”

Unless...

ACT 2

On the Road

“Light in the Sky” - We Banjo 3

And they’re off on a search for knowledge and freedom.

“So if you’re lost in the night / Stuck between the demon and the knife / As it traces a line across your heart”

“Apple Pie” - Lizzie McAlpine

Transient, finding solace in one another. Home after home. How long can this last? This one has a few more references to modern things than I’d like, but I can’t pass up the vibes.

“Every house looks the same in my dreams / Every house feels like home for a couple weeks / I've been runnin' 'round trying to find a place where I can breathe...Home is wherever you are tonight.”

“Almost Home” - Keston Cobblers Club

In search of a person, a place to settle. As long as they’re together.

“The clouds will break the wind will brace these sails of stone / And I have never known a journey take this long / But I'm almost home”

“You and Me” - You+Me

They fit together.

“They say everything, it happens for a reason / You can be flawed enough but perfect for a person / Someone who will be there for you when you fall apart / Guiding your direction when you're riding through the dark”

“Witchcraft” - Vian Izak

I like to think Imogen is... realizing some things, and getting attached. (We all know she fell first.)

“It's witchcraft / And I've got no defense for it / The heat is too intense for it / What good would common sense for it do?”

“For My Emablmer” - Emily June

Laudna’s turn. Still seeing herself as a dead thing, a little confused by Imogen’s friendship but embracing it all the same.

“I hope you know I won't complain / If I decompose and you're to blame / Abandon your duties, lay down next to me / Grab my hand, feel no shame”

“Home to Me” - The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

Keep coming back to each other regardless of what other people think.

“How dare you love me like you've never known fear / You've got more troubles than minutes in the year / And a voice like your father's tells you nothing good's for free / Well, that may be / But you're walking home to me”

“The Moon Song” - Brittin Lane, Mitchel Morse

Foreshadowing the importance of the moon later. For now, it’s peaceful.

“We're lying on the moon / It's a perfect afternoon / Your shadow follows me all day / Making sure that I'm okay”

“You Are My Sunshine” - Lena Hall

Contrasting the last song, when the moon becomes too much… there’s the sunshine. Specifically for Imogen constantly fighting the pull of the moon, Laudna is the sun, her spark, her light. What happens if she disappears?

“As I lay sleeping / I dreamed I held you / In my arms / When I awoke, dear / I was mistaken”

“Two” - Sleeping At Last

These two self-sacrificial, loyal, dedicated characters. Bonus points for “I will love you without any strings attached.” A double meaning for Laudna and Delilah.

“No, I don't want to talk about myself / Tell me where it hurts / I just want to build you up, build you up / Till you're good as new”

The Campaign

“Growing Up” - Run River North

Apt for both of them as they come into their own. Growing together as they explore the world, adventure with their friends, and learn to take what comes.

“I used to close my eyes / To what stirred under my bed / Now, they're open wide / To the monsters in my head / Instead of claws, they whisper lies”

“I found my way without your help / With broken family / I'll take my breaks with my sins / Do as I do, please / With my friends 'til the end / There lies my loyalty”

“Anything Can Happen” - Tors

Imogen is being pulled.

“But even when I start to dream / Every little piece of me / Gets a little close to the edge of darkness / I know I've been here before / Long as I'm not falling off / I'll be fine”

“Crawl In” - Upstate

Things are getting harder, but they’re seeking comfort in each other after nightmares and bad days alike.

“Crawl in my head tonight / Read my thoughts so I don't have to speak / It's been a long, long week but I'm tryin’ / To make do and stop fussin’ and fightin’”

“Bottom of the River” - Delta Rae

The crickets chirping continue the nightmare-ish theme of the last song. However. Shit’s getting real. Holding onto each other as they sink deeper.

“Hold my hand / Ooh it’s a long way down”

“Raise Hell” - Brandi Carlile

Can’t believe Laura Bailey beat me to this song by 2 days with her Imogen playlist. It’s the perfect mix of angsty and bluegrass-folky. Being born cursed and learning your strengths. May or may not stick because of the substantial references to Christianity, but I do love it for Imogen coming into her god-like power.

“It came upon a lightning strike / And eyes of bright clear blue”

"I'll Bend But I Won't Break" - Red Moon Road

First of all, could that band name be any more perfect? Second, this song is such a good tribute to Imogen's character. The tempo is quick; the drums like rolling thunder; and allusions to dreams, storms, the dark. "Still I will endure" calls back to the second song in Imogen's section, "I'll Endure," and "Still in the eye of the hurricane" is both great storm imagery and foreshadows "Hurricane" which is a song further down the playlist. I imagine this during Otohan Round 1, but it may shift around the playlist depending on how I feel about the flow.

"Lighting lights the sky like it's looking for me / Flashes of the forces the dark has set free / Thunder strikes the land / With the mighty heavy hand / It rocks me to my core / I won't fall down / I'll stand my ground / I'll bend but I won't break"

“Bury Me Smiling” - The Ballroom Thieves

Laudna’s second death. Love and loss.

“I stood in silence / A mind's worth of violence / Strung me a short rope / Round my neck / A love like an old home / Breathes in these dry bones”

“Afterlife” - Haunted Like Human

Laudna on Imogen’s desperate search to get her back. Asking Imogen not to waste her time. The choice to return. I particularly love the chimes. Musical thoughts and the reflection of death.

“So darling don’t go digging up graves / When love is lost the afterlife is a choice you gotta make / So put the nails in the coffin, let them rust in place / But darling don’t go digging up graves”

“The Mountain Song (First Dance Version)” - Tophouse

The “I would do anything for you” of it all. Resurrection. Hope. Bonus points for flower-in-hair motif.

“Well the clouds rolled in / There was lightning there was thunder there was rain / As we hid beneath our shelter / All the doubts that we had felt / Came pouring in as a flood we had to face”

“Flowers in My Hair” - Wes Reeve

Yearning. A bit of good old fashioned wanting what can’t be had. I imagine this is the last of the first Whitestone visit and the orange tree is the golden glow of the sun tree. Whitestone Andy mention? Continuing flower motif.

“I had a dream of a boy who loved me and / We danced in the leaves of an orange tree [...] / Then I went my own way, and you crossed the highway / But just maybe someday we’ll be, my pretty”

“Haven” - We Banjo 3

The Rudius arc is kicking into gear. “You have the biggest spark of anyone I’ve ever seen” vibes.

“The moonlight's a path we can travel down / River runs wild with what has gone before / Cast aside for new and more and more and more and more and more and more / Let me be your haven / Let me be your light”

Moon Arc

“Wax & Wane” - Alana Henderson

Oooh tension. The drama. The moon is affecting the relationship. We’re starting to see a shift to a darker mood around the Solstice and all that’s around it. Mirrors “Moon Song” - “There’s nothing I’d keep from you.” Oh yeah?

“But we bent and we broke and I meant what I spoke / And the blame game does not produce a winner / We went as far as we could go we had to go that far to know / That we had nowhere left to aim / And no one left to blame but / The moon’s wax and wane and the turn of the tide”

“The Moon Will Sing” - The Crane Wives

This reminds me of Laudna during the separation and immediately after, starting to question everything, seeing herself as dark. That extreme co-reliance. Clinging to each other. Is it a good thing? Laudna starting to lean back into Delilah’s burn.

“The moon will sing a song for me / I loved you like the sun / Bore the shadows that you made / With no light of my own / I shine only with the light you gave me [...] / I want to feel the fire that you kept from me”

“Always You” - South for Winter

The rush of reunion. The high-pitched start, disbelief. Then: the warmth of returning to Your Person. Being able to rely on them. A bright spot.

“Should the blood red tides run o’er / Should our nightmares all come true / Should we lose this holy war / I know there’ll still be you [...] Oh my love / The skies are growing colder / Oh, my love / I need you more than ever”

“Tether Me” - Galleaux

In addition to the obvious tether relation, they’re both feeling pulls in different directions: Imogen to the red dawn; Laudna to the darkness of her mind. Being tied to her limbs earns you more puppet symbolism, particularly after Delilah's resurgence.

“For a moment, I was gone / The speed of light into the red dawn / In this space, do I belong?/ It’s dark out here in my own thoughts / Pull me back out of my body / I’m tied to my limbs”

“Blood Moon” - Saint Sister

The moon sure is tempting. The pulls for both of them are getting stronger. Things are getting darker, harder, more intense.

“And so I wonder will those scattered pits / Take root behind your cracking lips / They are always doing that [...] / The hunter’s moon was bleeding red / The night you left our thorny bed / You were always, always”

"Stay" by Haunted Like Human

I try really hard to avoid repeat artists because I feel like it keeps my bias toward one band in check. However. I'm a little convinced this artist is straight-up writing about Laudna at this point. This song isn't quite as musically dark as the other songs by the same artist that have made the playlist. It's a little more acoustic/has more guitar as a connecting bridge to Imogen. Plus, it hits all these specific marks: 1) reassuring that the voice in her head hasn't got the best of her yet 2) begging [Imogen] to stay and to not give up on her 3) apologizing for the weight of her sins and that they're not [Imogen's] to hold 4) addresses [Imogen's] feelings about the voice in Laudna's head.

"Darling you don’t hold me close the way you used to do / And I wonder what you’re thinking when I’m reaching out for you / You’re trying to be patient, yea you’re trying to be kind / But I know that you’re still running from the demons in my mind / But I promise this thing in my head / It ain’t got the best of me yet"

“If We Were Vampires” - Baggio & Hannah Kol

The looming sense that one of them won’t come back. As the end draws near, even if the upcoming fights don’t kill one of them, Imogen will out–age Laudna.

“It's knowing that this can't go on forever / Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone / Maybe we'll get forty years together / But one day I'll be gone or one day you'll be gone”

“Hesitate” - The Harmaleighs

They’re hiding things from each other as the tension builds.

“You keep saying you love me / You keep telling me you’re proud / But you don't know who I am / 'Cause you're not even living out loud”

“Soothsayer” - Haunted Like Human

Not gonna lie this is my favorite song on the entire playlist. It is peak Laudna-Delilah. I would quote the entire song if I could. It’s dark, thematically perfect, and haunting. It's also by the same artist as "Afterlife," Laudna's "death" song to reflect that link. I imagine this is late C3 as Laudna continues to feed Delilah. My favorite line: “The thing that you hate / Is the thing you've become.”

“There's a price to be paid / But ain't that every trade? / You're just looking for strength when you're weak / Oh you know there's a flickering darkness / And it sings out like sirens to you / Yea it's sickly sweet and elegantly violent / But these debts that you take / They will someday come due / Hungry hands reaching up / Crave for more, lust for blood”

“Hurricane” - Bandits on the Run

While still being them having to navigate their relationship in the midst of the impending end of the world, this song brings to light Imogen’s relationship with her mother, too. She meets her mother in the storm.

“They told us run for cover / Stay close to home and mother / Don’t seek out any other”

“Chasing Twisters” - Delta Rae

It’s time. Make or break.

“I was born with lighting in my heels / Sewed a spur onto my ankle / Bit a horse under the steel / And I lost hope when I was still so young [...] / I’ll take you to the grave / The only love I’ve ever known / The only soul I ever saved / And I went home”

Epilogue

At the time of writing, we’re around C3:E95, so from here on out this is even more so my reinterpretation or guesses about the future. I’m hoping to flesh out this section and the middle/end of Act 2.

“Oh Mama” - honeyhoney

Our transition song. The cacophonous high of the last song into the unbelieving stillness of the piano, the end of a battle. The world has shifted. There’s no going back.

“All covered in mud the day is done [...] / Oh mama look at my heart / I’m useless now that it’s dark / We’re praying for rain a thunder of change / And lightning to lighten my way”

“If She Ever Leaves Me” - The Highwomen

Alright, this one’s a little self-indulgent, even more so than the others. But don’t we deserve a little wholesome “we made it” energy? I think it also nicely circles back to and reflects the shift away from the early-on Laudna "I'm not good enough for her; she's going to leave me" vibes we get in songs like "Dandelion," "Curses," "Stay," and even "For My Embalmer."

“I’ve loved her in secret / I’ve loved her out loud / The sky hasn’t always been blue [...] / She loves wild horses and tumbling dice”

“The Time for Flowers” - Emily Scott Robinson

The bookend and parallel to “Dandelion” from much, much earlier. This time, from Imogen’s perspective. Conclusion and continuation of flowers motif. “The skies are clear now. The moon is new.”

“I came upon a woman in a field on her knees / Singing ancient songs and sowing wildflower seeds / Tell me what the point in planting pretty things / In these days of darkness and disease [...] I have witnessed funerals and wars / Worried mothers, empty shelves, and empty stores / The storms will rage and the winds will blow / You are gonna find out that you're stronger than you know”

“Dance in the Graveyards” - Delta Rae

I always knew I was going to end the playlist with this song. It perfectly mirrors “Old Churchyard,” the first of Laudna’s songs. It's also by the same artist as the "climax" of the playlist. The drums give me Laudna, while the folksy sound gives me Imogen. Finding joy in death, in life, in love. Life will go on, new friends and old will come and go. And that’s alright. She’s happy. They’re happy.

“When I die, I don’t wanna rest in peace / I wanna dance in joy / I wanna dance in the graveyards, the graveyards / And while I’m alive, I don’t wanna be alone / Mourning the ones who came before”

If you're listening to the playlist on a loop, you'll return to "Stories." It reminds us that it was all just a story. It will happen again. Stories and characters and people will move us, make us feel and hurt and love. It is an ending just as much as a new beginning.

#imodna #wow sure would love if this showed up in the tag…..#laudna #imogen temult #critical role #am i a little bonkers for this one? maybe #feel free to comment reply interact send an ask etc etc #i have playlist brainrot so like. would happily discuss it endlessly #bonus: you might learn about new artists! bc no hate to anyone but i refuse to put generic love songs on here #cr3 #Spotify

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fanaticsnail · 11 months

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Star of the Country Down (Mini Part 2) (request)

Part 1 Here, Masterlist Here.

Word Count: 1,060

This is a mini part two from Koby's perspective after leaving his love at the shore. Thank you @vespidphoenix for prompting me to do this little mini. It was fun to write!

All smiles and cheeriness lay upon the rounded rimmed, spectacles wearing cadet as he danced above deck to a merry tune that played on a loop within his memory. The loop would break through his lips in a mumble of lyrical whim amongst the hums and whispers he could recall from the night he shared upon the shores as their ship made repairs. Brandishing his mop, he attempted a small spin; utilising the handle as his dance partner as he did so. The only thing breaking him away from his merriness was always a sigh or rough comment of-.

“-Oh would you give it a rest!” the blonde, tall cadet roared at him, frustration and livid-expression overcoming his face, “we get it, Koby. You got a little kiss, and now you’re smitten.”

Koby froze his actions briefly before doubling down on swabbing the deck vigorously. He shook his head to rid itself from the tune, closing his eyes tightly in heightening the focus on the riddance: only to find the image of the woman he so tenderly shared a kiss, a drink, and a dance with those many weeks ago welcoming him within his memory.

“Look,” his colleague addressed him, prompting him to reopen his eyes to bring himself to his attention, “I don’t mean to dampen your mood. It’s just-.”

Koby furrowed his brows, awaiting Helmeppo to finish his sentence, after sighing deeply in pause; “-could you at least alternate with the songs? You’re just doing the same one over and over again.”

Helmeppo chuckled and returned back to his side of mopping the polished wooden floorboards beneath his feet with his mop. Koby whispered a snicker through his nose and quirked a small smile back to his face at the comment; a new recollection of the lilting from his maiden returning to him and whirling throughout his mind.

After completing the final duties for the night, Helmeppo and Koby retired to their shared quarters and began preparing themselves for their nightshift rotation. The two of them found themselves on the first overnight watch of the night, a desired shift amongst the marines as the sleep was not broken between waking and sleeping hours.

Helmeppo sighed as they walked back above deck in toe, uttering an apprehensive; “do you want to talk about it?” to him as they reached their post. Koby smirked before a warm smile formed on his lips.

“She kissed me, Helmeppo,” Koby admitted with a slight nod, looking to the ground as he did so with a pink tinge appearing on his cheeks.

“I’m aware, Koby,” Helmeppo sighed dismissively, “a sweet little peck on the cheek, or something of the like, was it?”

Koby’s blush grew deeper at the memory: a brush of your hand caressing his cheek, you taking him by the hand through the doors of the pub, the feel of those same hands lacing themselves into his pink-locks beneath his marine hat and pulling him close into your body as you pressed open mouthed kisses against his lips. The familiar feeling of warmth pooling within his chest as he reminisced the way he effortlessly spun you to push you against the wall and attack your neck with fiery kisses, prompting you to release a melodic sigh into the night air.

“Not-,” Koby paused, biting his lip at the memory, adding; “-exactly.”

Helmeppo’s eyes widened, him immediately displaying interest in what experience exactly fell between the two of you.

“Not something entirely innocent, you mean?” Helmeppo smirked and leaned in, “go on, Koby. I’m all ears.”

Koby released a nervous chuckle in his chest before he briefly met his gaze with Helmeppo before lowering his eyes to the ground once more with a shy smile.

“She was so beautiful,” Koby sighed, “and the way she held me. Helmeppo, it was like-.”

Koby teetered off, gazing his round-rimmed glasses at the stars above as he brought his righthand up to ghost over his lips in memory, “-It was like I mattered. Like she actually wanted me, you know?”

“She probably did, Koby,” Helmeppo laughed, following Koby’s gaze to look at the sky, “too bad we won’t be seeing her or the band any time soon,” he nodded, a slight downturned smile falling to his features.

The fingertips Koby held against his lips turned frigid before he fell them from his mouth, a small amount of sorrow overcoming him. Helmeppo turned to him and placed his left hand on Koby’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry,” Helmeppo offered a half smile to him in encouragement, “there’ll be other women to pay you attention as you rise in the ranks, believe me.”

Turning his face back to the ground, Koby offered a reluctant nod in confirmation of understanding the words Helmeppo was speaking to him.

“I don’t think I want other women, Helmeppo,” Koby uttered in a voice just above a whisper, “what I wouldn’t give to just see her again, or to hear her voice once more.”

Helmeppo groaned and released Koby’s shoulder from his grip and turned back towards the deck to complete his watch. Koby smiled sadly before following in toe with Helmeppo to finish their final hours of night watch before retiring to their cabin.

After Koby rid himself of his uniform and slipped into his sleep uniform, he sunk into his hammock and again began humming the tune from earlier quietly to not disturb his cabin-mates.

“You’re quite good at that, you know,” you praised him, “I almost feel like I was the one rewarded.”

Koby sighed and again raised his right hand to his lips, tracing over the outline of his lips to reignite the feeling of your lips pressed lovingly against his own.

“Come on, Marine,” you jested to him, releasing his cheek from your hand and reaching it down to claim his unoccupied one, “I think it’s my turn to buy you a drink.”

Koby sighed as his memories circulated the tunes you had sung to him, the members of the Merry Mellifluous Quint accompanying your vocals so perfectly in harmony to your melody.

“Koby!” Helmeppo’s agitated voice broke through his thoughts again, “-please, a different song. I can’t take much more of that one.”

Koby chuckled awkwardly, a rosy blush reforming against his cheeks as he wasn’t aware he had began humming the same tune from earlier in the day.

#one piece #opla #x reader #opla fic #one piece live action #koby x reader #koby opla #koby fic #koby one piece #helmeppo

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rubydubydoo122 · 5 months

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In every universe Jason Peter Todd dies young. It’s a fate sealed across the multiverse. Maybe he could hope that there’s one universe where he doesn’t. aka, Jason, Dick, and Bruce go multiverse hopping, and are not having a fun time. (Ps, when I started writing this fic I hced Jason as Latino, but I don't really believe in that hc anymore, so just a heads up if you don't like that hc)

TRIGGER WARNING -> Cancer and mentions of previous child death

It’s been a week and Jay still hasn’t told Bruce or Alfred. Jason spent the first couple days walking around Gotham trying to stop his heart from exploding out of his chest. Then he beat the shit out of the training simulations– which he failed multiple times because he hit the fake version of the Joker with multiple lethal shots.

Obviously, he has checked on Jay, and apologized for freaking out, and tried to convince him to tell Bruce, but the kid always managed to evade doing just that.

Hence why he was currently stress cooking.

Maybe four dozen chocolate chip cookies, 3 batches of blueberry muffins, and an ungodly amount of chili dogs were excessive, but he needed to otherwise he would find himself storming up to younger Bruce and just telling him. Which wouldn’t be the worst thing, but it might make things difficult.

It would be so much easier if the kid just spilled the beans himself. But Jay was holding onto that god damned can so tight. Now if Jason could just… loosen the grip…

They were all currently eating dinner on the patio, because the early April weather was nice for once. Tim was also there, because Jason had made too much food, and Alfred encouraged Jay to invite the kid. Jay had also apparently wanted to invite Babs, but obviously since Kori and Dick were engaged it would be awkward considering a version of Dick was at the manor.

Jason hummed, “I feel like we’re missing someone.”

Tim looked around at everyone, “Our Dick?” His face turned red, “That came out wrong.”

“Well, yeah, but that’s not it.” Jason knew exactly where he was going with this, but he had to play it right.

Dick grabbed another cookie, “Damian, Stephanie, Duke and Cass.”

“I’m not as close with them as you are, dude.” Jason took a bite out of his chili dog, and chewed as he pretended to think about it, “Oh! I know! Uncle Clark.”

Jay immediately sat ramrod straight. If Uncle Clark was here, he’d immediately see the giant brace on Jay’s knee. Then he’d use his x-ray vision, and he’d immediately make that face like someone kicked his puppy and tell Bruce.

Then the anxiety washed off Jay’s face, and was replaced with a glare, “Seriously, Jason?”

Younger Bruce’s face went blank, “Clark… is dead.”

“You mean he hasn’t come back to life in this universe?” Jason… totally forgot about that. To his credit, he was in a coma at the time– or catatonic.

Younger Bruce frowned and then glanced at older Bruce, “Not that I’m aware of…”

Older Bruce grunted, “He didn’t come back until early May. At least for us. It could be different in this universe.”

“Oh.”

God damn it.

Jay wanted to bang his head on the table hard enough to knock himself out. He couldn’t sleep a wink last night because of the incessant throb in his knee.

He gritted his teeth, “Jason Peter Todd, I swear if you play ‘Drops of Jupiter’ one more time, I’m going to–” cry. He was going to cry. That’s what he would do. He was going to cry. Who plays songs about their mother who died of cancer at 7:30 in the morning? “I’m going to kill myself and blame you.”

Dick immediately whipped his head to Jay, so he added, “Hyperbole. But I will smack my head on this granite and blame it on you.”

Jason frowned, and then wordlessly switched the song to ‘Ronan’, by Taylor Swift.

And it’s not like Jay didn’t know exactly what Jason was doing. He knew what he was doing as soon as he came down and the song started playing. God he was an asshole.

Though… it was probably an asshole move for Jay to ask him to keep it a secret. He just needs time to…gather his thoughts and figure out the right way to tell Bruce.

Dick patted Jay’s shoulder, “Want me to drop you off at school?”

“Please.”

Dick handed him his crutches and grabbed his backpack for him as he hobbled to the garage, “April’s not the best month for him. He died on the 27th, so… that’s probably what’s with the mood and the sad songs, and all the cooking.”

He felt something twist and knot in his gut. He was making Jason’s already traumatic month so much worse, and even more traumatic because he’s reminding him of Mami and–

“Jay? Are you ok?”

He nodded, “I was just thinkin’ about how Jason really is Jesus. Did he die on Good Friday?”

Dick chuckled and ruffled his hair, “I dunno.”

It took him an unnecessary amount of time to get to lunch. Not only was he slower because of his broken tibia, but crutching around had him winded. It forced him to sit with Tim and his friends, because the table he usually sits at fills up before he can get to the cafeteria.

Now he didn’t mind sitting with Tim and his friends, it just felt odd as a Junior sitting with a bunch of Underclassmen. But, they also didn’t pay much attention to him. Usually he just napped the entirety of lunch.

Well, he didn’t nap, because he could not sleep around people he didn’t trust, but he rested his eyes, and to everyone else it probably looked like he was asleep.

Most of the table got up to get cookies, but Tim stayed behind with Jay. Then he felt the table shift on the opposite side. Except the weight shift wasn’t as drastic as it usually is with the guy who usually sits there, so it was probably someone new.

Jay didn’t have the energy to check who it was.

“How asleep is he?” Oh! It was Stephanie. Wow, this feels like a crossover episode.

He felt a gust of air blow on his face, and jokes on Tim, Jay’s known how to fully fake sleep since he was ten. Meaning no flinching during sleep tests, “He’s out. I guess.” To Tim’s credit he probably knew he wasn’t fully asleep.

“Ok, you’re like a Batman and Robin superfan, aren't ya?”

He heard Tim pause, “How did you know that?”

“Your screensaver is subtly Robin themed, your backpack is subtle Batman, whenever they’re mentioned you pretend to not pay attention to the conversation, even though you are, and,” She let out a snicker, “I saw the stack of photos you have of them when you let me take gum from your backpack. They’re really good by the way.”

Jay knew that Tim was beet red, “Oh. Thanks.”

“Anywho, do you know the last time Robin was seen out? Cus people have been saying the last time he’s been seen was the warehouse explosion by the docks.”

Why was she worrying? He told her he was going to retire.

He could feel Tim trying not to glance at Jay, “Yeah, That was the last time he’s been spotted. Though, I’m sure he’s just recovering or something.”

“Ok. ok.” She drummed the table with her fingers, “Fuck, can you keep a secret?” There was a pause where he assumed Tim nodded, “Alright.” She leaned closely across the table, and he felt Tim move in closer as well, “I’m Spoiler, and I kinda know Robin. I don’t know who he really is or anything, but I’d consider us to be close. He told me he was planning on retiring.”

“What?” wait, he hasn’t told Tim about that yet, “Did he tell you what he’s planning on doing? Is he gonna stay in Gotham, or move to New York like Nightwing?”

“No. He said he was retiring retiring. Like no more fighting.”

“He’s giving up being a hero?” Tim’s voice was blank, “Good for him, I guess.”

“That’s not–” She sighed, “The last couple times I’ve seen him, he’s been…tired. Not as quippy or flippy. I think… I think something’s wrong.”

There was a pause, “Now that you mention it–”

Jay picked up his head, “Ya know Barney, if you were really this worried, you coulda called.”

Stephanie’s eyes blew wide in realization– Bruce is going to go berserk– Then she glanced over at Tim, who rolled his eyes, “Ok, I know too.” Then he turned to Jay, “Jason, why the fuck didn’t you tell me you were retiring, but you told her?”

He shrugged, “Professional courtesy. And it never really came up between us. I only told B after I got half my hair singed off. I still haven’t told N.”

“So you’re officially retired?” Stephanie raised an eyebrow, “I would’ve thought you’d make your last appearance as Robin special.”

“Technically, I have two and a half more weeks, but, uh, seeing as…” He looked at the crutches, “Can’t exactly do much.”

Tim nodded, “And as far as Gotham knows, you went out with a bang.”

Stephanie hummed, “My mom works at Gotham General and has been talking about this kid who’s apparently obsessed with Robin. Apparently she tells the other kids stories about him. Maybe you can make that your last appearance. I can come too if ya want.”

Jay smiled, “That sounds like a good idea. Is the kid gonna be there this weekend?”

“I’ll ask my mom and get back ta ya on that.”

Jay looked at Tim, “Wanna meet your mini you?”

Tim shook his head, “I would love to, but it’d be odd for a random civilian to be hanging out with two vigilanties.”

Jason was currently in the middle of whipping up his second batch of raspberry meringue cookies– by hand– when both Bruces decided to corner him.

Honestly he wishes it was Dick. At least he could get him to eat half of the cookies to then justify Jason making more.

“Jay, lad, your baking is really good, and we all enjoy it, but…” Older Bruce looked at the multiple tupperware and gallon sized ziplock bags filled with assorted cookies and cakes, “I think it’s beginning to teeter on the excessive side.”

He looked up from examining his peaks and determined they weren’t stiff enough, “This isn’t nearly enough. I was planning on bringing these to the homeless shelter for easter.” He continued whisking the meringue.

Younger Bruce picked up a Robin themed Peep he made and squished it, “Easter’s not for a week, Jason. You’ve also been stress cooking for a while. What’s got you all strung up?”

“Strung up? I’m not strung up. In fact, I’m Pinocchio after he got turned into a real boy. I got no strings on me.” He started whisking the meringue faster. That was probably the worst lie he’s ever lied.

There was a sharp inhale from the doorway as Jay crutched in, “If you’re Pinnochio, your nose is gonna poke a hole straight through the wall.”

Jason inspected the meringue peaks again, and was unsatisfied. “And yours could touch the moon.”

Jay froze as both Bruces immediately frowned at Jay, but Jason only needed younger Bruce to scrutinize Jay, so he gave him the boxes of raspberries, and pointed to the sink.

Younger Bruce held up the Peep, “Peep, for a peep?”

Jay groaned, “I don’t wanna Peep.” He sat down on the kitchen stool and leaned his crutches against the countertop.

“But he does have something to Peep.” Jason added.

Older Bruce set the raspberries down next to Jason, “Can we stop saying Peep?”

Jay’s eye twitched as he glared at Jason, so Jason just grinned back.

Younger Bruce was looking at Jay patiently as the kid played with a part of his knee brace, “I’m pretty sure I have…” He clamped his jaw, and then took a deep breath, pressed his lips together, “...no interest in finding a partner of any sorts.” He held up little jazz hands, “I’m Aro/Ace.”

Jason set his forehead down on the countertop, and banged it once, “That’s… not what I wanted him to tell you. I did not mean to out him.”

Younger Bruce ruffled Jay’s hair, “Either way I’m proud of you, Jason.” Bruce gave him a small smile, and Jay leaned in closer. “Ok, so you’re pretty sure you have what?”

Jay looked up at Bruce, “A new Robin I would like to pass the mantle to. I’m also planning on telling Dick when I visit him next week.”

Jason made a buzzer noise, “Nope, Try again.”

Jay scowled, cracking his fingers,“I also might’ve told Stephanie Brown that I was Robin.”

Younger Bruce frowned, “You what?”

“Bruce, I think she’s a really good person, and I trust her.”

Older Bruce cleared his throat, “It takes us some time, but we trust her too. In our timeline, she becomes Robin for a brief period of time, and she’s currently Batgirl.”

“I was actually debating on making her Robin. I guess she’ll be the backup if Tim says no.” He turned back to younger Bruce,“She’s a good person. We’re also planning on visiting the kids in Gotham General as Robin and Spoiler this weekend.”

Jason paused, “The kids who… have been affected by rogue attacks, or who are… sick?” Because, yeah, Jason tries to make it a point to help out in Leslies clinic, but seeing the patients who have been diagnosed with cancer is always hard. Mainly because Leslie’s clinic doesn’t have the resources to give those patients proper care.

Jay's face contorted like he ate something sour, “Fuck you.” He spat out, standing up and grabbing his crutches, “You’re not Jason Todd, you’re a shitstain of an excuse that crawled out of his grave.”

And suddenly he was 19 again. Coming home soaked in blood wondering if he was tainting his own memory. He was 18 staring at an empty grave knowing the kid who died would’ve hated the person he became. He was 17 holding a detonator in his hand; not recognizing the person he saw in the mirror.

But this wasn’t about him. This was about a 16 year old kid with cancer, who was too afraid to tell his dad about it for God knows what reason. And Jason has just been prodding and prodding, and– “Jason–”

“I don’t need a dead man’s opinion on how to live.” He crutched out of the kitchen and Jason started to follow him when younger Bruce grabbed his wrist.

Jason twisted his wrist out of the hold and pointed in Bruce’s face, “Watch the damn cookies. And don’t you dare eavesdrop.”

He continued after Jay, “Wait, Jason, I didn’t mean it like that.”

Jay started hopping up the stairs, “I– Don’t– want– to–” He almost missed the step, but he landed on his bad leg to regain his balance. Jason supported him by the armpits and slowly lowered him to the ground before he could go crashing down.

Jay’s eyes began to water and face screwed up. He punched Jason in the chest, which hurt, but he stayed still as Jay attempted to get back up, but failed. He punched him again, “I hate you!” It could probably be heard from every point in the manor, “I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!”

Each hate was reinforced with a punch, each one with less power behind it, until Jay was sobbing into his chest, “I want them here. Why aren’t they here? I just want Mami and Papi.”

Jason felt his eyes start to burn as he wrapped his arms around the kid.

“And I-I love Bruce and Alfred, but I want them. I miss them. I-I need– I needed them.”

Jason nodded, trying to figure out something to say, but he couldn’t. His heart had crept into his throat and was squeezing his vocal chords.

He… He needs to be a real adult and tell Bruce. None of the sideways routes to get Jay to spill. He has to be direct.

After Jay stopped crying, Jason made sure he got up the stairs safely and went back down to the kitchen where younger Bruce looked like he was having a crisis and older Bruce was staring at the cookies. He would’ve laughed at the sight if it weren’t for the circumstances.

“Bruce, Jay–”

Bruce picked up his head so fast, he probably got whiplash, “You died?”

“Yes. But Jason–”

“Died, as in, your heart stopped.”

“Yeah, but that’s not important–”

“Not important? Jason you died.”

Jason blinked, “Yeah, but you’re focusing on the wrong thing here. Jason–”

“I do not think I am focusing on the wrong thing. Why are you so calm about this?”

He groaned, “It happened like… eight years ago. This body doesn’t even have any of the same cells as the one that was buried–”

“Buried?”

Jason threw his hands in the air, “Whadaya think Bruce did with my body? Kept it on a table for six months?”

“Six months? I thought your heart just stopped, and then CPR! How–”

“Oh so you accept Superman coming back, no problem, but when it’s me, suddenly it’s impossible.”

“He’s Kryptonian! And you–” Bruce buried his face in his hands, “you would’ve been… you wouldn’t have known–”

“I don’t understand why this is such a big deal when Jason–”

Bruce uncovered his face, leaving only bafflement, “Am I not allowed to be distraught over my son dying?”

“Yes! You’re allowed to be! But I am not your son. Your son ha–”

“But you are my son! Doesn’t matter what universe. In every universe you exist, I will always see you as my son, and I will always want the best for you–”

“It never ends well for me!” His voice cracked on the last word.

Bruce frowned and took a step forward, “What– what do you mean by that?”

“Fuck.” He ran his hand down his face, “You’re watering the wrong plant.”

That seemed to snap Bruce out of his state of distraught, sending him out of the kitchen.

Jason went back behind the counter to pipe more meringue roses, but found himself just staring at the tray.

He couldn’t even tell him.

He literally took over the Gotham drug trade before he could legally drink, and he couldn’t tell a father that his son had a tumor.

“Jason, are you alright?”

He snapped out of whatever trance he was in, “I just hate April.”

Bad news is, Bruce definitely knows something’s wrong and is very much doing his hovering but in the Batman way– thing.

Good news is, because Jay dropped the Dead-Jason bomb, he was hovering around Jason and not Jay.

Bad news is, Jay feels super guilty for all the things he said to him, especially considering he stayed with him while he was having his episode, and even though he’s been a complete ass about it, he still hasn’t told Bruce or Alfred about the tumor.

Good news, Bruce let him drive the Batmobile to Gotham general since grappling wouldn’t work well with his knee, and Alfred couldn’t drop them off unless they wanted to risk their secret identities.

He pulled up right next to Spoiler, and rolled down the window, “Get in loser, we’re going shopping.”

Jay was 90% sure that Stephanie was grinning under the mask as she slid in, “Wait, how are you drivin’ with your knee?”

“When your partners are generally under the age of 16, you tend to realize that autopilot features are more practical.”

She nodded and glanced at all the buttons, “I’m assumin’ you’re gonna to tell me not to touch any of them.”

“Most of them are speed enhancers or shock absorbers. You can touch them, but they won’t activate unless we’re going over 70mph.” Product of Dick’s ADHD.

“Is there an aux cord?”

“Dude, there’s bluetooth.”

Jay parked the Batmobile in an alleyway a couple buildings from Gotham General. Did that mean he had to crutch around farther? Yes. But Bruce told him he can’t just park the Batmobile in a normal parking space. Was that a while ago? Yes, and he didn’t think to ask if the rules change if he has a broken knee.

“Oi, Tinky-Winky, would ya mind grabbing the cookies in the trunk?”

“‘Course, Mike Wazowski.” She went around back, “How the fuck do I open this.”

It took them about 15 minutes to walk into Gotham General, mainly because of Jay's incredible crutching skills, and when they got there the receptionist was not impressed.

“What’s with the cosplay kids? If you’re gonna commit to being Robin, ya gotta at least wear the short shorts.”

Jay gave the receptionist (Drew) his signature Robin grin, “I wore the short shorts for almost four years. I got the road rash to prove it.”

“Look kid, if ya wanna get your knee checked out for free and without anyone contacting CPS, try the free clinic in Park Row. Ya don’t needa wear your upcycled Halloween costume there.”

“I don’t need my knee–” Well, he does need his knee to be checked out, but that wasn’t why they were there, “I’m really Robin, do you have one of those TSA bucket things? I’m about to start pulling outa buncha bat-themed things.”

Drew rolled their eyes, then looked around and gave him one of those empty paper bins. He started with his utility belt, “Ok, so I have my rebreather, some batarangs, and my grapple gun.” then he moved to his right pocket, “Some tranquilizers, a lockpick, and a universal tool,” He reached into his left pocket, “smoke pellets, bat-bolas,” He then reached into the pocket that was near his left knee, “A first aid kit, various antidotes to fear toxin, Ivy’s spores and Joker Venom and… some bat shaped goldfish.” He grinned, “I also have some stickers in the pocket under my brace.”

They blinked, “How do you fit all of that…?”

Jay gave her a little shrug, “Because I’m Robin.” He began taking the things and putting them back in its place.

Stephanie stole the goldfish before Jay could put them back in his pocket, “We heard there was a Robin superfan, and we just wanted to say hi.”

“Let me check with Pediatrics.” Drew dialed a number, “Hey Ruth, I have Robin and one of his caped friends down here. Think I can send them up?” a pause, “Hold up, let me ask,” They looked back to them, “How long are ya kids free till?”

Jay looked to Stephanie, “I’m free for the whole day, but I’m your ride home.”

She shrugged, “I just gotta be home for dinner.”

“Before the sun sets. We took the Batmobile.”

Drew nodded, “The kids are sayin’ around 7:30. So that’s about four hours in each unit.” Another pause, “Well, I can give ‘em the bands, but you’re gonna have to figure that out.” another pause, “I’ll send them up in like… five minutes. Oh and Robin’s on crutches.”

Drew settled them with visitor passes, and Stephanie traded them for a ziplock of cookies, and they hobbled to the elevator, and went to the pediatrics floor.

They met Ruth, who was a sweet old lady that almost refused the cookies they had brought, but did for the sake of her colleagues, and guided them to the Medical Unit.

Jay decided to leave his crutches at the door (even though Ruth protested about bones not healing right– The bones weren’t growing right in the first place) just to preserve a bit more of the Robin magic. The brace and the limp were already breaking the illusion, he didn’t need the crutches to completely shatter that.

Maybe… maybe that’s why he couldn’t tell Bruce about the tumor. Because when they put on the capes they became close to gods. Except Jay could no longer be extraordinary because his bones were growing wrong. Something in his cellular makeup was fundamentally flawed.

No.

Today is not about him. It’s about these kids. And they deserved to be blithe. So Jay refused to let himself allow any negativity take over his consciousness. Not when all these kids’ spirits were immediately lifted just because Robin had come to visit them.

And he was glad Steph was with him, because even though not many of the kids knew who she was, they ended up adoring her. She somehow knew every time when Jay’s energy started to run low and found ways to keep the kids from noticing that.

They took a break around 2:30 for a late lunch, where Jay once again rested his eyes.

“What’s got you so tired? I thought you were off the night shift.”

“Knee won’t let me sleep.” It’s become more of a routine. Resting during lunch because he couldn’t fall asleep due to the stabbing bone pains in his knee.

“Why not just take ibuprofen or something?”

He shook his head. Even though he took it when he had those fevers, he’s not going to take it for pain he can power through. “Even if they’re in fancy packaging, I can never really trust them.”

She slowly nodded, “I think I get it. My mom got hurt when I was younger. Now, she’s…never off the painkillers.”

“My mom–” he played with the velcro on his brace, “She, uh, she had cancer. After a while we couldn’t afford chemo. So she switched to painkillers. Every once in a while they were laced.” He shrugged. “I guess seeing that at a young age hardwired something in my brain.” He doesn’t usually talk to anyone about this. Yeah, he’s changing the topic, “The Wayne foundation has a rehab unit. I, uh, added things into the program that I thought would help. Obviously it’s your mom’s choice, but you guys can talk to Bruce…Wayne about it when you’re ready.”

“Thanks Robin.” She placed a hand on his arm, “And I’m sorry about your mom.” She paused and frowned, “We’re goin’ into the Oncology unit next. Are you gonna be ok?”

He gave her a small smile, “It happened a while ago. I’m fine about it now.” He’s ignoring the fact that he was crying for her like a much smaller child four days ago.

He’s also ignoring genetics and how technically he’s not fine about it now because it’s really cutting him off at the knee right now. Haha, that was kinda funny.

Not really.

If the tumor grows too large he might have to get his leg amputated. Was it already too big? He… he hasn’t really been thinking about that. Mami didn’t have to get her arm amputated. They caught the tumor early enough to scrape it off and blast any of the remaining bad cells with chemo.

…If the tumor grew too big it could kill him. And Bruce and Alfred and Dick– they’d all be–

He stood up.“I’m gonna call B real quick. Tell him how we’re doin’.”

Stephanie nodded, “Can I have your sandwich?”

“Knock yourself out.”

He hobbled over to the family bathroom, shut the door behind him and pulled his phone out.

All he had to do was tell him. Three words. I have cancer. That’s all. They were just three words. They were each words that have been in his vocabulary since he was little. They weren’t foreign. They were just words.

Words are easy.

He pressed on Bruce’s number, and waited as the line rang.

He could say it.

Three words.

I have cancer.

He would say it.

“Jay, Lad. How’s the visit going?”

“It’s goin’ good. It’s goin’ good.” He rubbed the knot forming in his chest, “All the kids love Spoiler by the way.”

Bruce chuckled, “I already said I trust your judgment, I just need more time.”

“Yeah, I know.” It’s just three words, “Hey Bruce?”

“Yes, Jason?”

Three words. He could say three words, “I… love you.”

Those… were the wrong three words. He’s a wimp. He’s a schemiel. He’s the biggest cream puff to ever cream.

There was the sound of something dropping, then a pause, “Is everything alright?”

It’s ok. He can still tell him. He can– “We’re about to go to the pediatrics oncology unit.”

“Will you be alright? You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

He shook his head, “Nah, I’m alright. Besides, I still haven’t met the kid Stephanie was talking about.” Yeah, all the kids were excited to see him, but the way most of the parents acted wasn’t the way a parent acted when their child was meeting their hero.

Wait, he’s distracting himself, “Bruce, I–”

“Do you want me to swing by?”

He paused. Letting the blood rush in his ears from the words left unsaid, “Yeah.”

“Ok. I have a couple things to finish up, but I’ll be there in 30 minutes.”

“Ok.” Jay was about to hang up.

“I love you too, Jay. You mean the world to me.”

“Yeah.” He sucked in a breath, “Cool. Amazing. I’m gonna hang up now. Bye. See ya.” He hung up and tapped his phone against his forehead.

It’s ok.

It was better this way. It was definitely a conversation that was better to have in person.

Obviously he wouldn’t tell Bruce in front of the kids, or in front of Stephanie, but he’d tell him.

He’d tell him.

He went back out to where Stephanie was, only to find her talking with Ruth. Break’s over.

It was… It was a lot harder trying to stay upbeat for these kids. He was acting like a lifeboat for these kids and their parents, when really he was being pulled into the same riptide.

At least the nurse (Nancy) who was guiding them through was nice about it. She’d take a little longer while walking to the next room, pause in front of the door to tell them the kid’s name and if they were more shy or talkative. If today was a good day or a bad day. Then she’d take her time while telling the parents– she’d just give them more time.

Then Batman came, and Jay doesn’t know if that was better or worse.

It was better for Stephanie. Since Bruce was there she let herself slip out, if the kid didn’t seem to pay Spoiler any mind. It made guilt bubble in his stomach.

Maybe it was better for Jay, because Bruce knew him better. That also made it worse. But better. It was better.

They paused in front of the only door they hadn’t been to in the wing, “So this is our last kiddo of the day, Evelyn. She’s nine and she’s a big fan of yours. We saved her for last so she could have the most time with ya, Robin. She says she met you a while back, so– well, ya know to at least pretend to remember her even if you don’t.”

He leaned his shoulder against the wall for support, “Nanc, have I let you down at all so far today?”

“Yes. You’ve been walking around without your crutches. Giving all the medical professionals around here aneurysms.” though she said it with a playful grin, so she couldn’t be too upset. “She’s been pretty chipper all day, so, this’ll be great.” Nancy slipped into the room to give the parents a heads up. After a minute she peeked back out, motioning her head towards the room.

Jay stopped fidgeting with the end of his cape and followed Nancy in.

He gave a little salute to the dad, and who he assumed to be her older sister, who was filming. When he was in the girl’s line of sight, she gasped, “Robin! You came!”

The memory of a seven year old girl lost in Robinson park during an Ivy breakout was brought to the front of his mind. He remembers playing on the monkey bars with her while they waited for both Batman and her dad to find them. “Of course I did.” He looked back at Nurse Nancy, “Ya may not know this, but Evelyn and I go way back.” He sat down in the chair next to the bed, gesturing to Stephanie, “This is my friend Spoiler, and you remember Batman. From last time. God, it feels like it’s been forever. Ya haven’t gotten caught up in any of Ivy’s schemes recently, have ya?”

She grinned at his recognition, “I haven’t, but by the looks of it, you have.” She pointedly looked at his knee brace.

“Puh-lease, ya really think someone could get the jump on me?” He lightly smacked the side of his brace, “This was a product of my own demise. Really I’m my own worst enemy.”

“We kinda match.” Evelyn shuffled around the blankets, showing off a yellow cast over her knee.

He froze. Huh, he guessed they did match. “Can I sign it?”

She looked at him with stars in her eyes, “You really wanna sign it?”

“What’s the point of having a cast if it’s not decorated?” He reached into his back pocket to grab a sharpie.

Stay gold, ~Robin and then he started doodling a bunch of bats.

They continued talking– something about a tv show about a ladybug and a cat who were also magical superheroes– then she started talking about Harry Potter, so Jay obviously recommended Percy Jackson. Then she started talking about a tv show about gem people? And the universe? At least Stephanie understood the tv references and apparently her favorite stone was amethyst. Which made sense, because of the whole purple theme.

He could see the moment Evelyn’s Dad built up the courage to actually talk to Batman, “Thank you for coming. It really means a lot to my daughter and– thank you.”

Bruce hummed, turning his gaze from Jay to the man, “Robin has a big heart, so when Spoiler suggested visiting…”

“Wait, I gotta show you my drawings!” Jay turned his attention back to Evelyn as she reached for the bedside tray, but it was too far from her reach.

She started to turn around to grab it, but her sister stopped her before she could hurt her leg in the process, “Let’s slow down a bit here. Robin’s not gonna magically disappear without saying goodbye.” Her sister moved the tray closer to Evelyn and sat down at the foot of the bed. Now that the camera wasn’t covering her face, he was pretty sure she was in his physics class. Crazy small world. Her name was Reagan.

Evelyn grabbed the papers off of the tray and handed them to Jay, “This one’s of you and me playing on the playground, because we never go to go on the slide, or the swings and those are the best parts of a playground.”

Jay grinned, “I would say the best part of a playground is the merry-go-round.”

Evelyn’s Dad turned to fully face Bruce, “It still means a lot. You and Robin saving the little things.”

“This isn’t a little thing at all. If someone hurts Robin, I can punch them back. With this–”

“This one's you and Batman taking a vacation because Reggie says you guys really need one,”

“--You’re much braver than I am, Mr. Harris.” Bruce looked back at Jay, “I don’t know what I would do if I found out one of my sons were sick.”

“--and this one… this one is you fighting Cancer for me.”

Jay forced himself not to freeze. He kept his eyes glued on the drawing of Robin zapping a glob that was presumably cancer with the bat-cancer-be-gone ray, while Evelyn stood behind him.

Jay took a deep breath, “Here’s the thing about Cancer. Its power is that it multiplies. If I tried to fight it alone, it could just multiply and take over.” The words clawed at his throat with hypocrisy. He undid the clasp to his cape, “but if we have more people to help us, like your doctor, and the nurses, and your Dad, and Reagan helping us, and we use chemo warfare–” He placed the cape over her shoulders, blinking because the lenses of his domino were starting to fog up, “And a little bit of Robin Magic, I think– I think we can fight Cancer. Together. And win.”

Evelyn leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his torso in a hug, “Ya really think so, Robin?”

He returned the embrace, nodding, “Yeah. You’ll win.”

They dropped Stephanie back off in the Burrows, when Jay realized they weren’t headed back to the manor. They were going deeper into the city.

Bruce must have sensed his confusion, but he didn’t say anything to clarify his thought process. However, Jay didn’t ask, because eventually they got to Wayne Tower, and Bruce grappled them to the top, so they were overlooking Gotham.

If there was any time to tell Bruce, it would be that moment. Or maybe it was probably when they were in the car, or when he broke his knee, or right after he got that first fever. But the past was the past, and he had to tell Bruce. He’s held it off for long enough.

He kicked his leg, “Hey Bruce?”

Batman grunted in acknowledgement. Cape fluttering in the wind.

“Thanks for bein’ here for me.” He wrung out his fingers.

He felt Bruce’s gaze turn to him, “I know I am not the best at communicating, but I’ll always be here if you need me.”

Jay searched Bruce's eyes, wishing he wasn’t wearing the stupid cowl.

It’s just three words. He could say them. He inhaled slowly and opened his mouth to–

“I’m proud of you, Jason.”

He was going to scream. He was going to throw up. The unsaid words felt like they were growing and growing and soon they would be stuck in his throat, never to escape. “Bruce, I–”

“I mean it. I know it was tough for you, but you still tried your best to brighten up each one of those kids’ day. And you did. Just like you have mine, every single day since you hit me with that tire iron. You have a big heart, Jay. One that has grown with time.” Bruce paused, before placing his hand on top of Jay’s, “I think you would’ve made her so incredibly proud. Your mother. And your father. They would be proud of the man you’ve become, and the future you’re striving for. I know I am.”

His eyes began to burn as the lenses to his domino fogged up. No. He wasn’t going to cry. He had to be strong while he told Bruce. He had to be.

Jay scooted closer to Bruce, who opened up an arm to wrap part of his cape around Jay, holding him closer than he usually did. Like a subconscious part of him knew that Jay was slowly slipping away. “What we do– it’s dangerous. If you– If what happened to–” Bruce paused and took a deep breath, “I’m glad you’re allowing yourself to live. I am beyond grateful you’re hanging up the cape.” Bruce rested his chin on top of Jay’s head, “Though I’m gonna miss having you by my side.”

“You’ll make sure to watch your six? And not spook any kids? You’ll–” His mouth twitched into a frown, which he immediately tried to turn around, but it was like the muscles in his face weren’t connected to his brain, “You’ll be ok without me?”

“Jay, lad, I’ve been at this for a long time. I think I’ll do fine. Besides, you said you had a successor in mind.”

“I gotta get Dick’s blessing first. Then I’ll tell you. But they also have to agree, and it’ll still take a while for them to get up to Robin standards, and—”

“There’ll be some adjustments, but you’ll still be close. If I’m ever in any real trouble, I trust you just as much as I trust Dick. Active vigilante or not.”

Jay undid the top velcro on his brace and then tightened it. He has to be strong. He has to tell him. He undid the velcro again and then refastened it. Then again and again and–

“Jason, I know you probably feel guilty right now, but you deserve to be happy. This doesn’t have to be permanent if you don’t want it to be. I want you to be happy and let yourself move forward. No matter what that path looks like, or how many times you change directions, I’ll support you.”

He focused on the sliver of golden on the horizon, peaking through the cityscape, “I need to quit. Being a hero, it just– it won’t work anymore.” He took a deep breath, trying to sync up with the rise and fall of Bruce’s chest.

He had to be strong.

He had to tell him. “I…”

‘I don’t know what I would do if I found out one of my sons were sick.’

“...Just realized, this is our last time out as Batman and Robin together.”

He would tell Bruce. Just not now. Not when it’s supposed to be a happy moment.

“It is, isn’t it?”

He looked up at Bruce, “We had a good run.”

Jason wanted to go home. The longer Jay held out telling Younger Bruce that he had cancer, the more likely it was that Bruce was going to pummel him for not telling him that his son was terminally ill. And it’s not like Jason hadn’t tried multiple times. He’s tried cornering him in the study, where it just turned into another conversation about his death. He tried telling him in the Batcave, but there was an emergency and Batman was needed, and he tried telling him while Jay was visiting the hospital, but then he got a phone call and had to leave.

Not to mention, the anniversary of his death was slowly creeping up on him, and he couldn’t even be alone because they were kind of stuck in the manor until they were found and brought back home.

How long does it take to find someone? Three someones? It’s not like Tim and Babs had to build a whole new machine. Obviously, time could be passing differently for them, but the more time they took the wider his gaping hole of guilt grew.

That was why he was currently encoding a message to add to the beacon that read ‘Come quick. I keep dying. This isn’t fun anymore. ~JT”

Suddenly, a hand rested on the back of the Batchair, and out of instinct, Jason was about to punch the person it belonged to, when he realized it was just Alfred.

And then he realized it was Alfred, the person he’s been trying his hardest to avoid because he would immediately know Jason was hiding something and he would feel guilty for lying to him.

“Master Jason, when was the last time you slept?”

Jason grinned, “Last night.” Albeit, it was only an hour or two because his mind has decided he isn’t allowed any peaceful dreams, but it was the truth, “Personally, I think you should be asking younger Jason that. That kid’s eye bags could replace his backpack and still have extra room.”

Jason knew he messed up when Alfred made his ‘that is precisely the topic I wished to discuss with you’ face. “So you know what is troubling the young master?”

“I’m not talkin’ to the kid.” He felt like a stupid little kid who had just been caught and was now grasping for any excuse.

He could tell him. He could tell Alfred and then this whole nightmare would be– it wouldn’t be over, it would probably get worse, but sometimes things need to get worse before they get better.

He took in a deep breath, “Jason–”The door of the elevator in the batcave dinged, and out came the kid in question. “...Has something to tell you.”

Why in the world could he not get the goddamned words out? It was like some mystical force was stopping him from doing so.

Jay froze and gave Jason a pointed look, but then looked to Alfred, “Yeah, I do! I was wondering if Jason and Dick could come with me to visit the Titans. Apparently Roy, Donna and Kori really wanna meet you two.”

Jason stared at Jay.

Jay shrugged all innocently, “Dick said your deathiversary was soon too, so maybe being out of town for that would be a way to take your mind off…of…it?”

Jason turned to Alfred, “Can you tell your grandson that I am not talking to him.”

He raised an eyebrow, “And why might that be? I thought Master Jason had apologized to you for his outburst from the other day.”

“He knows why.”

Alfred looked from Jason to Jay, then back to Jason, “Well, I can assure you, I am not keen on playing telephone. I expect you both to have sorted out your issues before you make your way back upstairs.”

And with that, Alfred left.

And Jason, being the stubborn man-child he was, refused to talk.

“I really am sorry for throwin’ your death in your face.”

Jason glared at him.

“Ok, I know that’s not what you’re angry at me for, but can you really be angry at me for havin–”

Jason got up to leave. Jesus Christ, was he always this difficult?

“Hold up–Wait! I tried to tell Bruce, I really did! Multiple times. But every time I tried he would interrupt me, or it wasn’t the right time, and if ya really think about it, it’s kinda better this way–”

Jason turned around, baffled, because “Better this way? Please, explain to me how letting’ a tumor grow is better than tellin’ your guardian you’re sick.”

Jay paused, “When you put it like that, it sounds bad– but if I tell Bruce now, it’ll be nothin’ but x-rays and MRIs and blood tests, and then surgery and–”

Jason was going to smack his skull open on the stalactites.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, and I will… eventually… do those things, but knowin’ Bruce, if I tell him now, he’ll make me cancel my trip to New York.” Jay dragged the stool from the workbench closer to him and sat down, “What if I can’t tour Columbia by the time it’s gone? It’s my dream school. How can ya expect me to just throw away my dreams? The moment we come back from New York, I promise I’ll tell Bruce. I just want the week with the Titans to be…normal before everythin’ falls to pieces.”

Jason pinched the bridge of his nose as his intestines braided themselves together in a knot. Why was he about to… “If you don’t tell him as soon as we’re back, I’m gonna. Are we clear?”

“Yes.” Relief flooded onto Jay’s face, “Thank you.”

(Author here! We’re about to go to Titans Tower, and I’ve been re reading comic storylines and I don’t know what lineup I want, so, I am mixing and matching, so please don’t come at me. Also, my main knowledge of the Titans come from the show Teen Titans, so just a heads up if they’re not how they are in the comics. I also really wanted Raven in this, but if timelines are timelining, she should be evil right now, so… I guess that works in my favor plot-wise, but gosh darn it, I really wanted Raven in here. Oh well)

Out of everyone, Jason was pretty sure Dick was the most excited to see the Titans, which made sense, because Jason barely knew them at this age, and Jay had the impending doom of talking to Bruce about cancer. Jason also had the impending doom of getting the snot beaten out of him.

Still there was an odd energy about Dick. Like he didn’t also fully like the idea of seeing the Titans again. Which was somewhat understandable, because Kori was his ex and yada yada yada. Also, something about the wedding not working out because Raven went evil and crashed the whole thing. Maybe Dick should’ve given them a heads up on that, but also, props to Raven. It was pretty badass. Apparently Dick and Kori were still together, from what Jason could piece together, but honestly, he barely tried to understand their relationship on a normal day, and he wasn’t going to start trying now.

They were in the elevator when Jay’s eyes blew wide and he started digging through his backpack, pulling out a bottle of cheap cologne and spraying it on his chest and the backs of his knees.

Dick coughed, “That’s a bit too much there, Jay. Are you trying to assault Gar’s nose?”

Jay raised his eyebrows, “Yeah, actually.”

The elevator door dinged open and they walked into the living room of the Tower, just as Jason realized Jay was doing it to get Gar off the cancer scent.

He scanned the room and groaned when he realized who was in the room.

Jay followed Jason’s gaze, smile immediately dropping into a scowl, “What are you doing here?”

“Kyle! Hey, what’s up, man!” Dick strode over to shake Rayner’s hand.

“Nothing much,” Rayner light heartedly clapped Dick’s back, “Got back from the Oa a couple days ago.” He turned his gaze to Jason looking him up and down, before turning to Jay, “There’s no way your five foot ass grows to be that.”

Jay crossed his arms, “I am five foot four, Elphaba.”

“Jason.” Dick gave Jay his ‘be nice’ look.

Jason nudged Jay, “Yeah. Don’t disrespect the Witch of the West like that.” He gave Kyle a wicked grin, causing the dude’s mouth to open slightly, “Besides, he’s like Rango.”

Kyle’s ring dimmed, before he grit his teeth, causing it to brighten again, “I’m gonna get dick– or Donna. I’m gonna get Donna.” and then he sped off.

Jay grinned and held out a hand for a low five, which Jason obviously returned.

Dick looked from the door Rayner exited from to Jay, “Hold up, why don’t you like Kyle?”

“He doesn’t like me.” Jay moved to sit on the couch, “If you’re asking me to be polite with him, I’m not gonna. I don’t owe him nothin’. In fact, he–”

Suddenly a toddler came out of nowhere running straight for Jay, “JAYBIRB!!”

Since when have there been toddlers in Titans Tower?

Jay’s face immediately lit up, “Lian! H–ow, watch the knee, how have the Tiny Titans been?”

“Miwage dwowned in da toiwet.”

If that was Lian then…Jason and Dick immediately turned to the door, “Roy!”

Roy grinned and walked over to ruffle Jay’s hair, “Hey guys, how're you liking our reality?”

Dick leaned against the couch, with a grin, “It’s a lot better than most of the realities we’ve been to, that’s for sure.”

Ya know who’s going to actually beat up Jason? Dick. He was going to pummel him for not telling.

Roy turned to Jason, “Puberty hit you like a freight train.”

“It was the forbidden Mountain Dew.”

Roy nodded, “Dick said something about a Lazarus Pit. He was ranting about Talia when he came back last month.”

“Oh my god. Did he say anything about her kidnapping me? Because she didn’t.”

Roy looked to Dick, who nodded and mouthed the words ‘she totally did.’

“If you continue to scorn her, I will tell Damian, and we’ll both stab you together.”

Jay looked over the couch at them, “Who’s Damian?”

Dick opened his mouth to respond, when Victor and Gar walked in, causing Jay to sit in a way that was forced to be casual, “Hey guys!”

Gar immediately sniffed, and then sneezed, looking at Jay with a frown, “Are you wearing Nautica?”

He gave him little finger guns, “It’s… Adidas.” Jay grinned, in a ‘my lies have worked’ sort of way.

“It’s… too much, that’s what it is, Brah.”

“You vaguely smell like the boy’s locker room.” Victor went to sit next to Jay, where Lian immediately started playing with the blue lightbulb things in his cyberskeleton. “I saw videos from you visiting that hospital. Is Robin taking a more domestic approach to vigilantism?”

“Sure,” Jay crossed his arms, sank deeper into the couch, and gave Victor a half smile “But not in the way you’d think.” Just then, younger Dick and Kori walked in. Minus Donna, Jason was pretty sure that was the current Titans lineup, so… Jay snorted, “Looks like Kyle’s officially useless.”

Younger Dick looked like he was about to lecture Jay about being nice but his expression turned to concern, “Have you been eating enough?”

“Hi Kori, hello to you too, oh least favorite brother of mine.”

“I–” Dick frowned, “Did Bruce adopt another one?”

“Nah. Not yet at least.” Jay carefully stood up and gestured to the rec room “I actually wanted to talk with you about something.”

Jay crutched over to sit on the armchair in the rec room as Dick closed the door, “Is everything ok?”

The concern on his face was clear as day. And Jay knew before coming that he would notice something was up. He was sure the only reason he had Bruce and Alfred and everyone in the manor relatively fooled is because they’ve seen him every day while his health declined. Dick on the other hand– the last time he saw him was a month ago while he was dancing, flipping, and singing on stage. Now, Jay could barely make it up a flight of stairs without being winded.

But this was supposed to be a fun, happy trip. For his future. He doesn’t want to think about a stupid tumor that will be gone hopefully before Christmas.

Maybe he could write his Common App essay on it.

“Jason?” Somehow Dick had made his way towards him and was now sitting on the arm of the couch Jay was on.

He blinked. Thoughts. Right. Words, “Whaddya think about Tim?”

Dick tilted like he didn’t understand what Jason was getting at, “I think he’s nice. I’m glad to see you making friends.”

“Ok, cool. That’s great. So, I’ve been trainin’ him, but not like too much, with simulations, I haven’t told Bruce yet, but I think, he’s a good fighter and–”

“Time out,” Dick held up a hand, “I think you’re forgetting to mention a couple of things. What are you training him for?”

“To be Robin. Duh. What else? I’m askin’ if ya think he’d be a good fit. Cus ya know, you’re the first.”

There was a pause, “Did… Bruce fire you again?”

Jay shook his head, “Nah, I’m choosin’ to retire. That way things’ll be smoother when I start che…ollege. College.”

Dick smirked, “So you’re planning on filling Bruce’s nest before it becomes empty.”

He tilted his head side to side, “More or less, yeah, but I wanted to get your… blessing? Yeah, blessing, to pass down the mantle.”

“Look at you.” There was a soft smile on his face, “All mature and grown up.” He paused, “But you’re not allowed to be taller than me.”

“Dude… No need to rub it in. I’m not planning on swimming through wiper fluid anytime soon. Or ever.”

“What, Little Wing? Don’t want eternal youth? Ra’s skin is just glowing. Maybe radioactive, but glowing.”

Jay grinned and rolled his eyes, “But seriously, do you think Tim would be a good fit? Cus, if not, I dunno, you can choose–”

“I think Tim’s a great choice. Mainly because the alternate versions of us seem to already know him, but also, you’re the one who currently has the yellow cape. If you think it would fit around Tim’s shoulders, then I support that.”

“...technically, a nine year old has it.”

Dick chuckled and ruffled Jay’s hair, “Then he’s gonna have to get that kid’s approval.” He slid down the arm of the chair so they were both sharing the armchair.

Jay shoved at him, “Get off! Your giant tushie is crushing me!”

Dick, like his namesake, just made himself even more comfortable, “So, are you planning on joining the Titans? Got a new name picked out?”

Jay tried again to make more room for himself to no avail. And God was trying to fight with Dick tiring, so he just crossed his arms, “I told ya. I’m retirin’. No capes. No kevlar. Just Jason Todd-Wayne.”

Dick looked at him like he didn’t believe him, “Like… no more vigilantism. Period.”

“Mmmhm.” he tightened the velcro to his knee brace.

“Are you sure everything is alright?”

He nodded, shifting under Dick’s scrutiny. There’s no way Dick could actually figure out Jay had cancer, though. He might be having the same train of thought older Dick had, but Dick didn’t have enough context clues.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I’m here if it’s something you feel like you can’t talk to Bruce or Alfred about.” Dick paused, “Or if it’s something you should tell Bruce or Alfred, but just… can’t.”

He could..

No.

Jay had to be the one to tell Bruce. He had to hold it together for him. He couldn’t act like a scared little kid who needed to hide behind his older brother, “I’ve just been pretty stressed recently. And I know that my workload is just gonna get heavier, and I love helping people, and I loved being Robin, don’t get me wrong, but… I can’t anymore.”

“Jason, I’m not going to get angry at you for growing up. I just wanted to make sure you were doing it on your own accord. Not because someone was forcing you to put down the cape.”

“Bruce didn’t fire me again, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“Well, yeah, but also, do you want blueberry pancakes?” Code for ‘are you being blackmailed.’

He gave him a small smile, “I’m retirin’ on my own accord. I was plannin’ on doing it eventually, but…” He shrugged, “Universal signs and all that jazz.”

Dick gestured towards the knee brace, “Was it the dislocated knee?”

“Actually, it was getting three fevers in one month.”

“So that’s why you look like a sick Victorian child who just recovered from scarlet fever.”

Jay huffed and leaned back into the couch, “Well that wasn’t a nice thing to say.”

Jason does not understand why he agreed to come here. Yeah, he was kinda friends with Roy, and Kori, and Donna, but not this version of them, and it is so weird being about the same age as all of them.

Currently, Jay, Dick (the younger one) and Donna were touring NYU. Dick (his brother), Roy, Lian, and Gar were outside teaching Lian how to do cartwheels, Kori was out running errands, because now the Titans were throwing Jay a retirement party, and… he had no clue what everyone else was doing.

Doesn’t matter anyways. He was in his own little bubble re-reading A Death in the Family by James Agee because Jason was a masochist and wanted to see if the comic from that one universe drew inspiration from the novel or if they just used the title.

He heard someone entering the room, and based on their gait, it wasn't Cyborg, who tended to have a heavier step, so process of elimination, “Skidaddle, Rayner. You’re infecting the room with green vibes.” Now, did Jason have a reason to hate this version of Kyle? No. Not really. But Jay obviously had his qualms against the dude, so Jason did too.

Rayner, like the nuisance he was, sat down on the couch perpendicular to Jason, “Are you magic or something?”

Was Kyle trying to condescend him? Not him, but Jay, but that was still him. Jason looked up to fix him with a deadpan stare, “Take a wild guess.”

That got Kyle to slightly shift in his seat. Wimp. This wasn’t even his half deadpan. And contrary to popular belief, Jason could be nice, so he went back to reading.

Except someone obviously didn’t take the hint that he didn’t want to be bothered and he could feel him staring at him. Back during his multiversal game of cat and mouse, usually when Rayner started staring at him, it ended with fists flying.

“Do I have something on my face?” He asked without looking up from his book. It was probably such a Bruce move, but oh well. Some Batman things work.

“I’m just confused on how you’re supposed to be Robin.”

He raised an eyebrow, “What, picturing me in the green shorts?”

“I wasn’t.” A pause, “It’s just, primary colors don’t seem to fit the ‘Angst Ridden Bad Boy’ aesthetic you’ve got going on. At least the younger Jason’s a theater kid, so it makes–”

Jason side eyed Rayner, “I will smack you back into orbit, if you do not shut your trap.” It was typical of him to somehow jab at him and Jay at the same time.

Kyle just shrugged and flipped the pages of a sketchbook, “Feels like an empty threat, but ok.”

Before Jason could prove him wrong, the elevator opened, and Dick, Donna, and Jay poured out.

“.--the Bobst library was… It probably holds more books than the library on the Watchtower.

God, it was behemothic.” Jay crutched over to the couch Jason was sitting on, handed his crutches to him, and then flopped onto the couch.

Jason balanced the crutches against the couch, “How was NYU?”

“Huge. And… pulchritudinous. In a modern art-deco sorta sense. There’s a lotta windows.” Jay was forcing himself not to breathe heavily, but so he probably wasn’t letting on how tired he actually was.

Dick definitely picked up on it, because he handed Jay a water bottle and sat next to Kyle, catching a glance at his sketchbook, looked at Jason, and then frowned like he was mentally adding a conversation to be had.

Donna sat next to Jay, “The tour guide was nice. She made sure to stop and talk at places where there was seating in case Jason needed a break.”

“Which, I didn’t, because I’m a vigilante, but I took them because a normal civilian wouldn’t have my stamina.”

Dick leaned forwards in his seat, “Sure, Jase. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

Except, Jay couldn’t sleep at night. The throb in his knee was pretty much unbearable at this point. The pain was alway worse at night.

He left Dick’s room as quietly as he could– since the guest room had been built, he’d been sleeping there, but since older Jason and Dick were here, he was fine with going back to rooming with Dick. Pillow walls.

He didn’t even know what he was gonna do, walk it off? He could barely do that. Honestly, it made his tibia feel even more like a crispy sponge, rather than a bone. God, that’s basically what it was.

He probably wouldn’t even have his leg for much longer, would he? It’s been at least two months. What if it–

Nope. It probably didn’t. Otherwise he’d feel worse. Right?

Jay was so lost in thought, he almost walked straight into Gar. Who was looking at him like he’d just been shot or–

Fuck.

“I knew it was smelling off earlier… you– Jason, your scent is off.”

He felt his ears start to ring as the blood rushed from his face, “I mean I… am going through… puberty.”

His face contorted into something on the edge of worried and confused, “Jason, you smell like… you smell like a tumor.”

“Maybe… someone on the tour had cancer.”

Gar sniffed again, and slowly shook his head, “Maybe we should go sit down, and then I’ll get Dick–”

“No! Don’t tell him!” It was a whisper shout, but even he could hear the panic in his voice.

He frowned, “You know?”

Welp, there goes plausible deniability. There goes hoping it wasn’t actually cancer and he was just overreacting. “Well… I assumed? I wasn’t fully sure. But I guess, now I know.” He hated the way his voice cracked on that last word. He couldn’t even get angry to get Gar off his back on this because his knee fucking hurt and he just wanted to sleep, but he couldn’t because cancer is stupid. “Just– please don’t Dick. I haven’t even told Batman about it yet–I’ll bake you cookies or something. The jam-filled ones that you like?”

“Dude, you–” Gar covered his face with his hands, and–

This was going to be the end of it wasn’t it? He doesn’t know how he managed to get Jason to agree to keep quiet, but he has a strong feeling he accidentally manipulated him. And currently, the only way he knows how to manipulate Gar is by bribing him.

Gar took in a breath, “When are you planning on telling your boss?”

“When I get back.” He saw him glance at Dick’s door, “Please, Gar. I know that once I get back to Gotham, it’s just going to be test after test, and then treatments until… December at the earliest, and… I just… I need this week to be normal.”

Gar stared at him– no, not at him. Through him. “Ok.” Gar sighed and ran his hand through his hair, “I… I get wanting that week of normal, and I know the testing sucks, but the sooner you start those treatments the sooner you’ll get better, dude.”

“It’s just three days.” Jay of all people knew how much could happen in three days. How things could go horribly wrong over a weekend, “I don’t wanna cause him any grief. Please.”

Gar took one long look at Dick’s door, and then turned around to head back towards his own room, but paused at the door, “My mom bought a box of Hertzoggies after my dad cured me from Sakutia.” He looked back at Jay, “We can share a box of cookies together next year.”

Jay gave him a small smile that hopefully said I don’t think I could ever repay you and I’m sorry for manipulating you even though it was a complete accident and I didn’t know.

He was in a room full of a mountain of red, green, and yellow. But the colors were dull. They weren’t as bright as they should be. They were muddy, and brown and… covered in blood.

Bruce was carrying bodies. One at a time. Each of them in a pristine black suit, placing them each in a coffin. When he looked back to the pile of suits, they were all lined up, each in cases on display. Like a museum of dead robins.

It wasn’t just a museum of dead robins.

It was a museum of dead Jasons.

Each with a plaque at the bottom saying a good soldier, a good soldier, a good soldier.

A uniform too tattered to even tell it was a Robin suit. A uniform covered in ice. A red vest covered in track marks.

A yellow cape with red staining the collar. A case filled with dirt, green gloves barely peeking through the surface. A hollowed out red shirt, intestines still spilling out.

A costume the size of a toddler covered in cocaine.

Why at the bottom of this case was he still a good soldier?

He closed his eyes. He’s seen too much yellow. He’s seen too much green. He’s seen too much red.

It’s too much red.

He bumped into Bruce assembling a case. One that didn’t have a suit inside of it. At least not yet.

Not yet.

Jason was on edge. In all fairness, it was the 26th. But he was going to blame the nightmare and just forget the major trauma anniversary, because hell yeah.

He forced himself not to bake, because younger Dick had put him on cake duty for Jay’s surprise retirement party tomorrow. They’d get the tower ready while Dick, Donna and Jay were touring Columbia.

Honestly, Jason was glad for the distraction planned tomorrow, but that didn’t help him with the fact he needed a distraction today.

He found Jay in the living room, half curled up on the couch, a book close to falling out of his hands, because he was asleep. Didn’t even wake up with Jason’s approach.

He carefully placed a pillow under Jay’s head, and moved the book on the coffee table. Where, from underneath, a green dog was looking at him. But Gar’s body was angled towards the entrance to the living room.

Kinda like he was guarding Jay.

Hold up, Jay wasn’t wearing any cologne to mask the scent of the tumor. So Gar knows. Did… he tell Dick? Because Dick would probably immediately call Bruce, and thank fuck.

But if Dick knew, he would probably call off the retirement party, because lowkey, it’s a happy cancer! Party with context.

So Dick probably didn’t know. So why was Gar keeping this?

He debated asking, but then Rayner walked in the room, looked like he was going to say something, but immediately closed his mouth when Jason shot him a glare– No. When Gar let out a low growl.

Yup. Gar definitely knew. And if that was Gar’s reaction to someone about to get into Jay’s space while he was sleeping, he was trustworthy enough.

Jason exited the living room, dragging Rayner by the upper arm, as they made their way to the stairs, “Wanna spar?”

Kyle frowned and then shrugged, “Ok.”

Boom. Distraction found. And he gets to beat up Rayner.

The next day, Jason was slicing up bananas and a pineapple to go in between the layers of the hummingbird cake he was making, when (his brother) Dick wandered in to check on him.

“Need any help?”

Jason’s knee jerk reaction would’ve been to say no, but something about how close he’d gotten to Dick in the past few months made Jason hold up a banana and the pineapple, “Which would you like to cut? The bananas, or the ananas.”

That caused Dick to grin, “English is so weird. They just had to be special with their pineapple.”

Jason looked at the fruit in question, “It is pine-y, I’ll give it that, but you can not tell me this looks like an apple in the slightest.”

“It's fragrant, and an excellent fruit. Ananas fit so much better.”

Dick took the pineapple and one of the heavy duty knives, and started chopping it up.

Jason finished slicing the bananas, so he moved onto the cream cheese frosting.

Dikc had finished cutting off the peel and had moved to quartering the pineapple, “Do you remember the first time we cooked together?”

“The time when we made the sarmale mofongo fusion, just to see if they’d work out, but then the bat signal went off, so we were rushing to finish off Killer Moth before accidentally burning them?”

“That was one crazy night, wasn’t it?” Dick chuckled, “No, I’m talking about the time we were cooking here. I think you were thirteen? Maybe you had just turned fourteen. It was over that summer.”

Jason frowned, trying to remember, but he couldn’t. If this trip was teaching him anything, it was that he didn’t remember as much as he thought he did. He shook his head.

“We made tochitura together.” He could see Dick smile at himself, “You had to climb the counter to reach the cornmeal for the polenta. And, I had made tochitura with Alfred, and on my own, loads of times before then. And I loved Alfred’s cooking, but there was always something missing.” Dick stopped chopping to look at him, “I’ve had this conversation with the Titans in the past, and I guess the feeling is like missing your parent’s cooking.”

Jason nodded, though he doesn’t think he could remember missing their cooking. Just cooking with them.

“Whenever I cook with you it tastes like… it tastes like them. It tastes like Haley’s. Like a rest stop in the middle of nowhere, and coming back to the stove every five minutes asking when the food will be ready. It tastes like family.”

“Oh.” Jason suddenly had a really dumb thought, “You had a ratatouille moment?”

Dick blinked, “Oh, fuck you, yes. I did. But I was actually getting somewhere.”

“Yeah?”

“That was the moment I knew you were my family. Just wanted to let you know. And, I’m glad you’re alive.”

“Oh.” Jason cleared his throat, and dipped a spoon into the cream cheese frosting, holding out for Dick. “You’re a good older brother.”

The Columbia Campus was supposed to be smaller than the NYU campus. At least that’s what he read online. So It should be less tiring. Which was why Jay decided to leave his crutches in the car. Dick was starting to suspect something was up with him, and he had to prove to him he was ok.

Not prove per-say, just… show.

And ignore the glare Dick gave him when he said he’d be fine without them. What a hypocrite. When he came to yell at Bruce last year, his leg was hurt and he definitely wasn’t using crutches.

The tour group was much bigger than their tour group for NYU, and the tour guide was definitely giving the vibes of not wanting to be there.

Jay, Dick, and Donna, had started off in the front of the tour group when they were at the Manzanita Welcome Desk, but now that they were fifteen minutes into the tour, they were starting to trickle towards the middle.

He had run around the entire city of Gotham while he was homeless. He was not getting tired walking around 32 acres.

He picked up his pace.

A mother of a kid on the tour glanced at him in concern, and he gave her a little smile.

He didn’t need pity. He didn’t need his memory of visiting his dream school to be tainted with the fact that–

No. He’s not even going to think about it right now. He’s just going to finish this tour, talk to some of the academic advisors for the pre-med track, and then, take a big fat nap.

He let himself trickle towards the back of the group, so he wouldn’t hold anyone up. Dick and Donna followed suit.

Donna frowned, “Are you sure you don’t want me to go get your crutches?”

“I’m fine.” but his breaths were coming out heavier. And they were more than a couple steps behind the group now.

The group started to slow as they passed the Alma Mater statue.

The mother from earlier glanced back at them, and then looked at her son pulling out her phone, “Can we pause here? I want to get a photo of my son with the statue.”

The guy’s ear turned pink, “Mom…”

Jay knew she was just being nice. And he was grateful for it, for the wiggle room. But he wasn’t helpless.

He was Robin for crying out loud. He was fighting 4 rogues a week two months ago. He was doing six flips a night six weeks ago, while dancing and singing. He was carrying bodies out of a building rigged to explode less than a month ago.

Yet he couldn’t even keep up with a stupid tour guide who didn’t even want to be there.

He was dully aware of the fact that the mother had finished taking pictures, and they were starting up again.

He was panting, like he’d just run a marathon, and both his legs were aching, and his heart was pounding, and–

How much has his health regressed in the past month?

How close was he to–

He felt the blood drain from every limb in his body, leaving his ears ringing.

The concrete beneath him began to feel like he was lost out in the sea. Tilting from left to right–

Something gripped his upper arm, as he buckled into something firm. Something steady. And he thinks that firm-steady thing was guiding him somewhere.

But he couldn’t breathe. Something was in his trachea and was stopping him from breathing.

What if it was the tumor?

There was a light thumping under his hand, as it slowly rose and fell. “Alright Jason, breathe with me so I don’t look like an idiot over here. In…” His hand rose, “and out…” and fell.

He tried to take a deep breath as his hand rose, but his breath hitched, causing him to fully break down. All he could hear was the static-y sound of blood rushing back into his ears.

“I can’t…”

“You breathe every day Jay. In fact–”

“W-What if I can’t. What if it metastasizes? What if I can’t– what if I can’t go here, and, and never become a doctor and–” He let himself build dreams and he could hear the castles crumbling in the distance.

“Jason?” Dick’s voice was quiet, and barely audible. Dragging Jason back to the present.

They were sitting on the steps next to the Alma Mater. Their tour group was farther off, but not close enough to where they could hear them, and Donna was gone.

Jay wiped his cheeks, frowning, “Where’d Donna…” He trailed off when he saw the look on Dick’s face. When he realized the words he’d let slip out.

“She, uh, she went to go get your crutches.” Dick swallowed, “Jason–” His voice cracked, and his eyes turned glossy. He opened one arm for a hug

Jay’s eyes began to burn again, as he dove into Dick’s embrace, “Please don’t cry.” he mumbled into his shirt.

“I’m not gonna– it’s just allergy season.” though, he could hear how fast Dick’s heart was beating. How short his breaths were.

“I–” it was just three words. Why could he never bring himself to say it? “My mom… she had cancer.”

Dick’s heart changed pace, but his voice was even when he next spoke, “I didn’t know that. What type did she have?”

“Wanky janky bones.”

He felt Dick nod his head slowly.

That was supposed to make him laugh, why wasn’t he laughing?

“Are you sure?”

How much he wished he could say ‘no, I’m not sure, actually, I could just be overthinking’

Jay assumed Dick took his silence as a yes, because he held onto him tighter.

Dick pulled away, to look Jay in the eyes, incredulity clear on his face, “Bruce hasn’t noticed yet, has he? There’s two of them in the manor, how–how’d you get away with– did you not get an x-ray of your knee when you dislocated it? Fuck, you broke it– Is it the same one that’s been bothering you since the musical?”

“...yeah.” Jay undid the velcro to his knee brace and then tightened it. “Uh, I think Bruce forgot about that.”

“Bruce? Forget? We are talking about the same man, right?”

“Yeah…” To be fair, older Jason’s dissociation face was one of the most uncanny valley things Jay’s seen in his life. “To be fair, I am a master at distraction.”

Dick raised his eyebrows, “Is there a reason you’re not telling Bruce?”

“Well, I…” rip, stick, rip, stick. “I dunno. At first I was makin’ sure everything would be in place so that it wouldn’t be like I was… pullin’ the rug out from under Bruce’s feet.”

Dick looked like the puzzle pieces were falling into place. “So… things will be smoother when you start… chemotherapy.”

Jason nodded and started picking at a hangnail, “And once I got everything in place…I just, I could never find the right time to tell Bruce.” Jay chewed the inside of his cheek, “I was close to tellin’ him last week. Back when we were visitin’ all the kids at Gotham General. And he was talkin’ to one of the dad’s and I don’t think there’s gonna be a way for me to tell Bruce without completely throwing him off kilter because he said– Bruce said, ‘I don’t know what I would do if I found out if one of my sons were sick.’ How am I supposed to tell him now?” He leaned into Dick’s shoulder, “I want to tell him. I need to tell him, but–”

“Jason. There’s no ‘buts’ here.” His voice was soft but firm, “Tomorrow, we’ll go back to Gotham together. We’ll sit Bruce down, and if you can’t bring yourself to tell him, I will. Ok?”

Jay nodded. Throat closing up with another whimper he refused to let out.

Dick moved his arm so he was holding Jay more comfortably, and rested his chin on Jason’s head, “Te iubesc.”

I love you.

“Dick…” His eyes burned as he lost any semblance of composure he had gained. As more hot tears rolled down his cheeks. As he buried his face in Dick’s shirt. “I’m so scared.”

“Atunci te voi proteja, aripa mea mică. Mereu.”

Then I’ll protect you, my little wing. Always.

Dick called Donna to ask her to bring the car closer to the Low Memorial Library. They didn’t finish the tour, nor did Jason get to meet with an academic advisor for the pre-med track, they ended up going back to Titans Tower earlier than they had planned

Dick got out of the car and went to help Jay, but he brushed him off, “I’m tired, not helpless.”

Dick opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but stopped himself before he could

This week couldn’t have just been normal like he planned it to be? Why couldn’t his bones just… be normal, and grow how they were supposed to? Why…

Why couldn’t he just have a normal life?

The doors to the elevator opened and suddenly confetti was littering the air, and the first thing his eyes caught sight of was a banner that said “Happy Retirement!”

He could feel the twin cringes from both Donna and Dick. And, since he was an actor he had to play the part. He turned around with his hand covering his mouth, “You guys… you didn’t have to do this for me.”

But, maybe Dick and Donna were way too visibly anguished to the rest of the Titans, to just brush it off, because they had various levels of confusion and concern written on their faces.

Kori was the first to speak up, “What’s wrong?”

Neither Dick nor Donna answered her question, and Jay shrugged and started crutching towards the couch, “Ooh! Cake.”

Almost immediately after he sat down, Lian came running towards him, and pounced, “Happy we-tiwerd-mend!”

Except, she had jumped right onto his knee. Causing numbness to buzz the area before crackling white hot pain took over. And his stupid dry eyes decided they were going to tear up, again.

Suddenly, Roy was squatting in front of him, like he was a little kid, which he wasn’t. He wasn’t. “Are you ok, Jace?”

“Yeah.” He angrily scrubbed at his eyes. He’s been through worse pain, why was he acting like such a baby now. “Tibias are so futile.”

Roy looked confused, but still nodded.

He glanced at older Jason, and– “For fucks sake, half of you already know.” He buried his face in his hands. “One of you guys can share with the class.”

There was a beat of silence before Gar cleared his throat, “Jason, um… Jason has cancer.”

Everyone was frozen in place. Except for Lian, who tugged his sleeve, “What’s cancer?”

Jay gave her a little smile, “It just means I’m sick.”

“Does your tummy hurd? My tummy hurds when I’m sick.”

Jay let out a little chuckle, “Nah, my tummy doesn’t hurt. But I’m a lot more… tired than I used to be.”

“You do look weally tiward.”

“Thanks, Lian. Now that that’s settled, can we have cake?”

No one answered, except for Lian, “I wan cake too!”

He scooted around Roy so he could reach the coffee table and cut a slice for himself and Lian. And sometime while he had moved to cut the cake, everyone had unfrozen and started to move, but he was ignoring them. He was going to enjoy his cake and ignore the pity. He doesn’t need pity.

They were currently back in the guest room where Dick was passive aggressively packing his things, “Why did I think this universe would be any different? This whole time–”

“Oi! You say that like he’s already dead.”

“Positive vibes, my ass.”

“Well, forgive me for trying not to lose my mind while watching different versions of myself die in every single universe we go–”

The door opened, then closed, and there stood younger Dick, “Excuse me, what?” Then he shook his head, “You know what, I– that’s not what I wanted to talk to you guys about, and I’m going to assume that was a hyperbole, and please don’t tell me because I will not be able to focus on what I wanted to talk with you guys about.” He took in a deep breath, “How, in a house filled with detectives, did no one figure out that my brother was sick?”

And that was Dick’s ‘I’m about to beat the shit out of someone’ voice. Jason was going to get the biggest ass beating of his life by Dick– by both Dicks.

Older Dick sat down on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through his hair, “In hindsight it was so obvious, and I thought something was up a month ago, but I thought he was just depressed. I checked in with him and– I knew something was wrong, I just didn’t think it would be…”

Younger Dick’s eyes flickered towards him and then he frowned, “But you knew.”

He was going to die again, this time by his brother's hand. God, he always thought he was Cain. “I did try to get Jason to tell Bruce himself. And when it was clear he wasn’t going to do it, I tried to tell Bruce and Alfred myself. It's just… It was like there was always something stopping me from doing so. Either Bruce would cut me off with matters he thought was more important, or something would come up and he’d have to leave.”

“Why–” Younger Dick’s phone began to ring, eyes narrowing when he saw the caller ID, and then cut the call. “It was Bruce. Why–” The phone started to ring again, and Dick hung up again. Then it rang a third time.

“For fucks sake,” Older Dick answered the call, and motioned for him to answer.

Younger Dick put the phone up to his ear and then frowned, “You’re not my Bruce.” a pause, “Yeah, they’re both here with me right now.” The amount of guilt laced in Dick’s expression could probably fill up an entire swimming pool, “Yeah, he probably didn’t pick up because he’s taking a nap.” Dick handed the phone over to Jason.

He frowned and glanced at Older Dick. Why would Bruce want to just talk to him? “What’s up, Old Man?”

“Nothing really. I just wanted to check in with you. Are you… are you doing alright?”

“...Yeah? Why wouldn’t I–” And then it hit him, “Oh. I forgot it was the 27th.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

He saw the Dicks sign something back and forth between each other– Older Dick explaining what’s up with the 27th. Minus the death part.

“I suppose that’s most likely because it’s not even April in our universe.”

“Yeah. Probably.” Jason paused, “Are… you doing ok?”

“Of course.”

“...ok… I’m gonna give the phone to Dick– Like, our Di- Richard.” he handed the phone over to him.

Younger Dick made eye contact with him and signed, Clearly a retirement party, today of all days, was just a bad idea all around.

Jason shrugged, You didn’t know.

I should have.

Stop with the guilt. Doesn’t create solutions.

“--Ok, Bruce, I’ll– yeah. Can you give the phone to other Bruce? Dick needs to talk to him.” Younger Dick made a deer in headlight look and Older Dick signed, Tell your B-R-U-C-E that you’re coming. Give him a heads up.

Younger Dick flipped him off and took the phone, pausing for a minute. “Hey Bruce.” his mouth was pressed into a tight line, “We… had to leave earlier than we planned.” Dick’s knee started to bounce, as he looked down to his shoes, “No. There wasn’t any attack or anything. Have you… have you noticed anything about Jason recently?” Dick’s eyes turned glossy, as his face scrunched up, and he looked up at the ceiling.“No– well, Bruce he’s–” Dick sniffled, while older Dick went to put a hand on his shoulder, “Bruce, he–” a tear escaped from his eyes, and he buried his face in his hands, “This… this isn’t really a conversation to have over the phone. I know you’re probably thinking of the–” Dick paused, “No. It’s urgent, but not that urgent. We’re leaving tomorrow anyway.” He let out a shaky breath, “Yeah, I’m coming back to Gotham. For Jason. He wants to tell you. So when he tells you, can you just listen to him? Please?” a watery smile appeared on his face, “Yeah, I’m ok. I’m ok. I didn’t think I would– ugh.” He wiped his eyes, “This is embarrassing.” His eyes began to water again, “I-I love you too. Yeah. See you tomorrow.” Dick hung up and rubbed his eyes pretty aggressively, “Fuck.”

(Author here, I was debating whether or not to include this scene, but yk what, I will)

ABBA.

Jason shouldn’t have expected anything else from Younger Dick. Or any Dick for that matter

It was the next day, and the four of them were currently in the car, with the Dicks in the front, (Dick was driving) and the Jasons in the back. (Jason had lost the battle for the passenger seat.)

Jason glanced at Older Dick who was tapping the steering wheel while humming.

“And here we go again, we know the start, we know the end; Masters of the scene; We've done it all before and now we're back to get some more.”

And then he turned back to Jay and Dick who were both fully into the song, pointing at him with a huge grin on his face, “You know what I mean”

Honestly, it was really fun if he ignored the impending doom of death lurking in the corner.

He grinned, and sang along “Voulez-vous (aha)”

Maybe the sooner they left the reality, the better chance it gave Jay of beating cancer.

“Voulez-vous (aha)...”

Incongruities must be purged. Jesus, that voice was getting too loud. Where’s his mind-muffler?

The song ended, and– “Is this real? Is this a fanta–” Then is skipped to the next song.

By Richard, and his little driver’s seat skip button.

“NO GO BACK!!”

No one skips Queen. He was glad Jay was on the same page as him.

Older Dick glanced over, “Dick, I’m begging you, please don’t. Please. If I have to listen to Jason belt Bohemi–”

Jay looked at Older Dick, through the rearview mirror with hurt laced in his expression, “Are you saying you don’t like my voice?”

“No! Not yours–”

“But… we’re the same person.”

“Bud… you’ve barely hit puberty.”

Jay’s jaw dropped, as Jason had to turn to the window too conceal a laugh.

Jay gave younger Dick’s shoulder his ‘kicked puppy’ expression (that Jason could no loner pull off) and Dick changed the song back.

“NO!! Wait! What about–”

“Is this real?”

Younger Dick patted his shoulder, “How bad could it possibly be?”

Jay and Jason turned to eachother,“Is this a fantasy?

Older Dick glared at him, “It’s only bad with context–”

Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality”

Jason smirked, “But Dick, Now you have more context. Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see; I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy; Because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low; Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter to me, to me.”

Older Dick knocked his head against the steering wheel.

“Mama, just killed a man; Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger, now he's dead; Mama, life had just begun; But now I've gone and thrown it all away”

Dick looked back to him, “Holy fuck, Jaso–”

“Mama, ooh, didn't mean to make you cry; If I'm not back again this time tomorrow; Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters.

“Too late, my time has come; Sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time; Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go; Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.”

Jay grabbed his arm,“Mama, ooh;I don't wanna– dude… get a therapist.”

Younger Dick looked between Older Dick and Jay, “Am I missing something?”

Jason shrugged, “I see a little silhouetto of a man; Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?”

Jay… was going to throw up. He was going to puke. Yeah, the car ride was a great distraction, but as soon as the Gotham air hit, it was like a tsunami of anxiety decided to wash him clean.

Alfred met them in the garage, where Dick (his brother) immediately wrapped him in a hug, “Master Dick, it’s lovely to see you.”

“Yeah, Alfie, you too.”

Jay tried to crutch past the two, but Alfred obviously noticed, “Ah, Master Jason. Master Bruce wishes to speak with you in the library.”

He was going to scream. He was going to scream. He was going to scream. “Oh. Not the study?’

“He specifically requested the library.”

A place where he would be comfortable. Does Bruce know something was up? “Ok.” He glanced at Dick, who gave him a pressed smile and followed him to the library.

And there Bruce was waiting on the couch. With his look of concern slightly masked, “Hello boys.” he was sitting on the corner of the couch, so that Jay could sit closer or farther from him if need be.

Jay sat right next to him, “Hey, Bruce. How was your week with Bruce?” A decent amount of the poetry books they usually read out of were stacked on the coffee table, along with a pot of tea, and some cups. So Bruce knew something was wrong.

He felt the couch dip on the other side of him, and knew Dick sat down.

Bruce moved his arm so that it was behind Jay, resting on the back of the couch, “I suddenly understand why the both of you dislike it when I only communicate like a caveman.” A joke. To lighten up the mood. Bruce barely ever cracks jokes. He cleared his throat when it was obvious the joke didn’t really land, “I couldn’t imagine what losing you would–” Bruce cut himself off.

Jay looked back at Dick who was making his ‘Wrong step!’ face.

So… had Dick already told him– no.

Bruce would’ve had him go straight to Leslie’s clinic. He reached for one of the poetry books on the table. One from “Goblin Market and Other Poems” By Christina Rossetti. Jay leaned his head against Bruce’s chest, and flipped to one of the pages marked with a post it note.

He smirked up at Bruce, “My secret I tell my secret? No indeed, not I: Perhaps some day, who knows? But not to-day; it froze, and blows, and snows, And you're too curious: fie!You want to hear it? Well: Only, my secret's mine, and I won't tell.”

“Jason, you have to tell him.”

“Richard, it’s what’s written on the page.” Jay cleared his throat and looked back down at the book “Or, after all, perhaps there's none: Suppose there is no secret after all, But only just my fun. To-day's a nipping day, a biting day; In which one wants a shawl, A veil, a cloak, and other wraps: I cannot ope to every one who taps, And let the draughts come whistling through my hall; Come bounding and surrounding me, Come buffeting, astounding me, Nipping and clipping through my wraps and all. I wear my mask for warmth: who ever shows, His nose to Russian snows, To be pecked at by every wind that blows? You would not peck? I thank you for good will, Believe, but leave that truth untested still.

“Spring's an expansive time: yet I don't trust; March with its peck of dust, Nor April with its rainbow-crowned brief showers, Nor even May, whose flowers; One frost may wither through the sunless hours.

“Perhaps some languid summer day, When drowsy birds sing less and less, And golden fruit is ripening to excess, If there's not too much sun nor too much cloud, And the warm wind is neither still nor loud, Perhaps my secret I may say, Or you may guess.” Jay looked up at Buce. “Does the self proclaimed world’s greatest detective have a guess?”

Bruce hummed, deep and rumbly to the point where Jay could feel the vibrations, “You’ve decided you want Tim to be the next Robin… because you’ve been tired recently?”

Jay nodded. He could hear Bruce’s heartbeat. Even and strong. His, on the other hand, was racing like a rabbit.

He flipped the pages to the poem Mirage, “The hope I dreamed of was a dream, ⁠⁠Was but a dream; and now I wake; Exceeding comfortless, and worn, and old, ⁠⁠For a dream's sake.

I hang my harp upon a tree, ⁠⁠A weeping willow in a lake; I hang my silenced harp there, wrung and snapt, ⁠⁠For a dream's sake.

Lie still, lie still, my breaking heart; ⁠⁠My silent heart, lie still and break: Life, and the world, and mine own self, are changed; ⁠⁠For a dream's sake.”

He felt Bruce’s heart do a weird ker-sloosh before evening out again, “Jay… Lad, you don’t have to tell me right now, or at all, if you don’t want to. If you’re not ready to.”

“No. I have to tell you. Cus it’s been at least a month and–”

“At least a month?” Oh, that was his Batman growl.

Jay sat up, “I dunno, I was tryin’ to ignore it, but…”

Dick covered his face with his hands, “Holy… wrong conclusion, Batman.Also, this is a Bruce issue. There’s no one to punch, ok?” He crossed his arms over his chest and sank down into the couch, looking Jay in the eye, then to Bruce, then at Jay’s knee.

He continued flipping through the book, “I’ve been, uh, I’ve been thinkin’ about my mom recently. Kinda because I didn’t realize how many of her mannerisms I have until seein’ ‘em in other Jason. And he’s hers in the ways that count, but he wasn’t even born of her womb.” He cringed at that phrasing, “Not like I was.” He looked up from the page he landed on, tracing the design of the rug with his foot, “Remember when I got that first really bad fever? And then another one and then another one? I– I didn’t want to– I–” He cut himself off as his throat began to close up.

He already cried in front of Dick, which was bad enough. He had to be strong about this. For Bruce.

He looked back at the page, “I have no wit, no words, no tears; My heart within me like a stone; Is numb'd too much for hopes or fears; Look right, look left, I dwell alone; I lift mine eyes, but dimm'd with grief; No everlasting hills I see; My life is in the falling leaf:O Jesus, quicken me.

My life is like a faded leaf, My harvest dwindled to a husk: Truly my life is void and brief; And tedious in the barren dusk; My life is like a frozen thing, No bud nor greenness can I see: Yet rise it shall—the sap of Spring;” He took in a deep breath, “Gar basically confirmed it when I saw him, but I kinda knew before.”

Three words.

He could say them.

Dick grabbed his hand.

I…” He felt his lips start to pull down, so he bit the side of his cheek, and looked Bruce in the eyes. And he knew that look. Bruce had put it together, but was just waiting for him to actually say it. To confirm.

And–

His eyes started to burn, “Dad.”

His vision was too blurry to actually see Bruce’s reaction, but he felt his arms engulf him. He heard his heart against his ear. He felt his hand smooth out the curls on the nape of his neck.

“We’ll figure this out, Jason. I promise.” Bruce murmured, “I promise.”

#jason todd #batman #batfam #dc comics #dick grayson #bruce wayne #tim drake #stephanie brown #new teen titans #garfield logan #roy harper #lian harper #koriand'r #starfire #cyborg #kyle rayner #donna troy #robin jason todd

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justafairytailofinnocence · 5 months

Text

Modern Thranduil x anxious reader

Caged birds with broken wings

Chapter 1:

A Dance with tardiness

Synopsis: An antisocial, anxious writer in her early 20s attends a ballet class under the teachings of a mysterious, reserved, austere dance instructor. They form an unlikely within their solace and past.

Warnings: mentions of blood

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

A/n: This fanfic doesn't follow along the lines of the hobbit but rather a loosely spin-off au that only uses some characters. I do not own the right to them as they are Tolkien's characters and I respect his creation. (even if the characters might be ooc). Feel free to comment, reblog and like. Let me know if you'd like a chapter 2.

I tended to daydream often, more so when I listened to the music. The tune and tone of the song that played one after the other sent me to the realms I immersed; typically, anyone would daydream into another realm far better than their own: a princess, pirate, elf, fae—anything. My imagination is my realm of comfort, a sealed bubble that I can freely roam however I wish. Unfortunately, within fantasy, we must face reality. Within my reality, I’m not much of an importance, at least not one to have a whole written memoir about. I’m more of one of those faces you’d pass by in the street or grocery store, not giving any second thought to. Though I’d prefer it that way, I’m not much of a talker but rather a writer; I’m more fluent in my words than my speaking. Every attempt I’ve made, I’ve stumbled or become still; my chest would rise heavily and lower deeply. I always asked how people can do it, how they can speak—talk—communicate like it’s a piece of cake. I’d rather shroud myself in my isolation than speak to another living being.

At my desk, in my somewhat clean apartment, I was planning my next latest story in a saga of 3 books. So far, I’ve managed to get in contact with a publishing company via email who were willing to get behind the idea of a feature-length young-adult romance novel, a romance novel about a pirate king and a fae queen. The first chapter was still relatively underdeveloped, yet I’m willing to spend an entire day finishing it. I had only five months to publish the entire chapters. I’ve been a fantasy fan ever since I was a child. To me, fantasy is what the word impossible turned into possible. For ten years, I’ve been writing, and never once has it stripped me of what I truly adore.

Whilst my fingers pressed against the keys on my keyboard, I received a text message on my phone from the side of my desk surrounded by papers. It was from my mom, who was wondering about my well-being. As always, I respond with the usual ‘everything’s going well—I’m pumping out new chapters for my new novel, ‘A Puncture in Time’, you know—the one with pirates and fantasy, new chapters soon to come ;)’. Even though she’s smart enough to see through my little façade, she writes back, ‘Hey listen, I know it’s hard right now, but I can assure you, things will get better; it just takes practice; I know you’ll meet someone you’ll find it easy to talk to’. I sighed heavily; within her words, I have faith, yet doubt. Should I choose to believe her, bite the bullet and try to speak up or wallow in a lie that can send her mind at ease? Before I wrote back, she sent a post with a link. I furrowed my brows as curiosity swelled my thoughts, my finger tapped the link. It was an ad. An ad for ballet classes. I thought it odd why she would send me something like this: I’m no dancer; I’m certainly no ballerina.

I replied with a question mark ‘?’.

A message bubble popped up: ‘…’ I awaited her reply.

As she was still typing, I took the liberty of glancing through the ad quickly. The tab loaded with a cursive font in bold ‘Les danseuses se réjouissent’. Scrolling past the stock images of ballet dancers, I came across a small section of different levels offered: beginner, Intermediate, and advanced. My mind raced with doubt; I had no experience in ballet, at least not since I was a young child. I wondered to myself, ‘Do I really want to take this? After all, I’m not exactly one for groups’. However, my mind was put at ease when my eyes came across an option for ‘one-on-one private lessons’. At least, I wouldn’t be with people who were far more experienced—let alone a group; the thought of many eyes staring at me—would have my heart sink. As I clicked the option, I was astounded; there were no reviews, pictures, or even a description of the instructor. I was sceptical. Surely, if you were to teach a class, you’d have at least a brief introduction of yourself. Even as an author, I have a concise introduction in my publications. I lightly sighed, weighing my options; on the one hand, it’ll please my mom, get me out of the apartment, and keep me fit; on the other hand, despite being private, I’m meeting someone I don’t know. Who knows what this person’s intention is, even if it’s for a class.

Finally, I heard a ‘ding’ as she replied, ‘Please try, at least for me; it’ll be good for your health, and you once mentioned you wanted to be a ballerina. I know the world isn’t always what we want it to be, but I know you can make it shine; I’ve seen it in your novels; give this a chance, give them a chance, to show them how you can shine, because I know you’ll be the brightest star there :).’

My eyes softened as I read every word; I couldn’t deny she had a way of getting through to me. She was always a caring woman, along with my dad. They were the only two people I could speak to without pressure or the weight in my chest.

I pressed back onto the tab with the private lessons. I clicked to see the booking dates—there’s an option to book for tomorrow, and the price is only $45 per lesson. For the price, it wasn’t too bad; yet still expensive. I filled in the details required to send the booking through, yet my finger hovered as I was about to press ‘confirm’. My mind came to a tussle of thoughts and hesitations; this would be the first time, in a long time, that I would speak face-to-face with an actual living being. However, I recalled Mom's words, ‘Because I know you’ll be the brightest star there’.

Breathing in—I pushed it, I pressed confirm.

I did it. I’m going to attend a ballet class. My head slowly lowers onto my desk, surrounded by papers. My hair dangled over my forehead. The adrenaline that reached the height of my mentality came crashing down. It’s like going on a rollercoaster you didn’t ask for, coming from the highest point of the rail down to the pit below. I start to feel light-headed. I want to sleep. I want to stay here. Perhaps I’ve made a mistake. What if this doesn’t work out?

I rose slowly from my desk chair, picked up my phone, and texted, ‘I’ve booked lessons for tomorrow…I hope you're right about this.’

I watched as once more, awaiting her response, ‘…’

‘Oh, I’m so happy, you’ll fit right in, I know it :)’ she texted.

I didn’t respond. She’s pleased, at least.

I decided to call it a night; I’ve had enough pressure for one day. I logged off, cleaned the papers on my desk, pushed them into a neat-ish pile and headed to the bathroom to shower. As I opened the door, I went inside to set down my pyjamas by the medium-small bathtub’s acrylic side rim. My bathroom isn’t big exactly, but neither is it small. It’s moderate for what it was: a bathtub, shower, toilet, sink, and a medium-sized mirror in the same room. It’s not precisely palace material, but it helps soothe my thoughts. I held my hand out as I turned on the shower, feeling the trickling water against my skin. The temperature quickly changed from cold to warm in just five seconds. Once I was satisfied, I stripped bare, sliding my long-sleeved green shirt off and sliding my darker tracksuit pants. I tossed my unmentionables inside the bathtub. I stepped inside the shower, allowing the warm water to run freely down my skin. I shut the shower enough to have a slit entrance still. I grabbed the soap, rubbing it over my skin, arms, legs, and body. I splashed water on my face as the water rinsed the suds away. I hovered my hands in my eyesight, glancing closer at my fingers. I could see the redness and patches from where I’d picked my skin; it’s a habit I developed since childhood. The habit would annoy Mom, often whispering or saying straight, “Stop picking”, even touching my hand to remind me. Unfortunately, this habit hasn’t subsided; I sometimes even look at my skin with little care, picking the cuticles or rough patches.

Once I finished scrubbing my body with soap, I turned off the water and opened the shower door to step onto the bathmat. I grabbed a towel from the single towel rack located beside the shower. I dried my body, running the towel over my skin. As I wrapped the towel around my body, I glanced at my face in the mirror above the sink. They say eyes are the most expressive in emotion. My narrowed, pinkish lips thinned.

I snapped out of my gaze, continuing to slip on my long blue pants decorated in owl prints, then, the next, a long-sleeve top with the basic purple on them topped with a giant owl embroidered in the front area. Owls have always resonated with me, whether it's their symbolism or captivating beauty. I placed the towel on the side of the bathtub’s rim. I picked up my previous clothes and took it into my bedroom. My bedroom was also medium sized, having a queen-sized bed and an oaken cupboard with a mirrored wardrobe. My room was decorated with tiny figurines I’d collect overtime, albeit from movies I’ve fancied or books. I placed the clothes in my hamper basket behind my door. My body relaxed when my eyes lingered toward my bed, the messy, deep blue sheets draped to the left side. I dismissed the thought of tucking them in for the time being, only plonking myself onto the mattress and wrapping myself within the single cotton sheets and doona drifting off.

Dreaming is the easy part, letting what visions came to my mind run wild. Sometimes, it’s suitable for inspiration, but other times, it's nightmares. The imagination is still enchanting, although, this time, it was peculiar. I was in a birdcage decorated with gold; the entrance was bolted shut; my hands gripped the golden rods holding the cage together. I tried to scream but to no avail. I tried to shake the cage, yet I was too small to provoke movement. My body lowered, feeling the coldness of the metal plate below. I had nothing but rosy ribbon pointe shoes. I suddenly felt myself, in no control, rise as though my limbs were attached to strings. I started to dance, my arms and legs stretching to fit the perfect movements. Eventually, I stopped mid-movement, standing on one leg while extending the other behind. I couldn’t move; I was frozen in place. I could do nothing but shut my eyes.

Suddenly, I woke up; my eyes fluttered open from the confusion I had just endured. Rising from the bed, I pondered for a few seconds. ‘What on earth did I dream about?’. My hands pressed against my face, trying to comprehend my dream and reality. I pulled the sheets off me and got up for the morning. A typical morning for me results in the usual routine: dressing, brushing my teeth and hair, and then looking forward to what the day offers me. Until I remembered that I had booked that class. I typically picked out green tracksuit pants with a white singlet, hoping that would suffice. I picked up my purse and headed out the door to my car. I entered inside, placing my purse in the front seat as I turned on the white car. I noticed outside that it started to snow. Snow is beautiful, especially the little snowflakes that fall into your hand and dissolve upon touch.

As the car started, I prepared to drive to wherever it was that awaited me. The location was further from where I lived; it must’ve been at least twenty-eight minutes. The drive wasn’t particularly bothersome for me; when you live in New York, you get used to the traffic.

As I drove, the snowflakes emerged in more significant numbers. Eventually, I found parking just next to the side of a café. I wasn’t aware if it was for the staff or guests. However, it seemed empty with only a few cars, so—if I get called out on it, I’ll move my car. No one seemed to notice, so I assumed I was okay. I grabbed my black parker from the back and zipped it up. Exiting the car, I stopped to admire the snow falling for a few seconds. It was January 4th, so the snow season was still here. My hands shoved in my pockets, beginning to wander toward where I needed to be. According to the ad, it was building ‘52’; it was vague, I know, but it was the details given. I trudged through the snow, seeing building after building, until I came across something with the number ‘52’, where I needed to be. My hand gripped the gold-looking handle attached to the glass door. As I entered, I came upon a staircase; I took one step after the other. I quickly glanced at the ad to see what floor it was on, yet to no avail. Was it the ‘4th floor? Oh god, oh god, please don’t resort to me asking someone. My fingers started to twitch; I raised one of my fingertips to my lips, feeling the rough patches. My thumb started scraping off the first layer, and small blood trickles formed. I ran my fingers over my lips again as I trailed up the stairs. I could feel my chest becoming heavier, my mind swell with thoughts of self-doubt. Suddenly, the anxiety soon started to subside as my eyes saw the sight of a door. My fingers hesitantly wrapped around the door handle; I took one breath in, trying to be brave. I pushed it open—only for my worst nightmare to come to life.

My breathing became heavier, my heart sank, my eyelids widened, and I could feel myself hyperventilating. There was a group of ballerinas staring directly at me. There must’ve been at least four? Five? Looking my way! Their ages varied, going into their late 20s.

The one brunette asked in French “es-tu perdu, cherches quelqu’un”.

I couldn’t concentrate; my mind dwelled with clouded thoughts of judgment. I pressed my finger against my lip, trying to feel the rough patches.

Another asked in English, “My friend asked if you’re searching for someone”.

Quickly, my eyes diverted to the ground, avoiding their gaze. “I-I-, pr-viate, less-on”. I stumbled over my words.

“Lessons? Private lessons?” the girl spoke once more.

I nodded, avoiding eye contact.

As I quickly glanced, a middle-aged woman in her mid-forties stepped closer; I assumed she was the dance teacher. “Are you referring to the private dance lessons advertised? the one taught by Mr. Oropherion?”.

I paused for a moment, trying to gather my words. Mr Oropherion? Is he the teacher I’m with?

“I-Is. This. Right. Floor.” I tried to sound out the right words, but it was impossible. Perhaps my conscience was right; perhaps this was a terrible idea.

The middle-aged woman, confused, pointed toward the direction I needed to go. “you’ll need to head up one more level, then head to your right” Her voice was calm with a hint of soprano.

Still avoiding eye contact, I left, not even saying thank you, focusing on wanting to escape. I closed the door in front and let out a heavy breath. My head lowered to touch the tip of my hands. I wanted to melt in that moment; I wanted nothing more than to return home. However, I reminded myself that I was doing this for Mom. I breathed in once more, looking up at the door; my hands quickly released, and I began to walk quickly, edging further up the stairs. My mind came crashing down, feeling the dreariness wash over me. Feeling tired, I finally, at last, came across the door I needed to be. It was blank, the painted white withering away around the edges. My hand reached the doorknob, feeling the roundness, turning it slightly. I could feel the adrenaline kick in. I was hesitant, but my nerves started to build.

I started to whisper to myself, “Just a general hello, that’s all it takes—

You're doing this for Mom—

Give them a chance to show them how I can shine; give them a chance to see who I am because I’ll be the brightest star there”.

I breathed in, closing my eyes and opening the door. As I tried to force my eyes open, I was confused. There was no one here. It was an empty space surrounded by mirrors with bar beams attached to them. My eyes scanned the room, yet no one was there. I suppose I should be relieved, maybe the teacher had caught a sickness and decided to ditch the whole class. I wandered further inside; I might as well take a quick peek. I unzipped my black parker with a furry hood, tossed it on the coat hanger and took off my shoes, leaving my white socks on. I stood in the middle of the dance room, embracing the quiet ambience. I looked in the mirrors, reflecting my figure. Was this even what ballerinas wear? Who even is Mr. Oropherion? If he doesn’t show up in the next 15 minutes, I’m heading off and not returning.

Perhaps Aelwynn, the fae queen in my novel, would’ve also been able to dance freely and eloquently in movement. I still wonder what would entrance the pirate king Sarek Salazar. I never pictured him to be devilishly handsome, though. I suppose Aelwynn would be a beauty, but there must be more to it—beauty can only go so far in their bond; what would their obstacles or hardships be? Perhaps the fae queen is somewhat intertwined with difference, the opposite of a fairytale. Aelwynn is fair, kind, beautiful and strong; she meets all the criteria for something otherworldly, yet what if Sarek is her opposite, a beast? No—What if he was average, a gross-looking thing? Pirates are anyway; what if he wasn’t powerful, just an average man with greed—and the dynamic changes, challenging Sarek to choose between the love of his life or treasure?

Or he would choose—

Suddenly, I heard a male voice emit behind me: “You best have a thorough explanation, girl. Do not even think about squandering my precious time.”

My breathing became heavier as I realized someone was speaking to me. I did not turn around; I was afraid to. Instead, I avoided eye contact, too paralysed to move. My head stooped low, and my hands stood to the side. He spoke again, “Clearly, you are here for a reason, are you not? I’ll admit your intrusion is rather fatuous.”

I didn’t glance up; I couldn’t look; I needed time to gather the words to explain. What should I say? Hey, sir, some ballerinas told me to come here, and I fear speaking to people.

“I see you have a mouth; that means you must have a tongue. Go on, speak.” His voice was deep and tranquil, composed yet icy.

I took a deep breath in, slowly turning around. As my legs moved, I slowly gathered the courage to look into the man’s eyes, even if I muttered a ‘hello’. It would be enough. As my head glanced up to meet his, I noticed his appearance.

He—was like—something out of a fairytale. His face was lean and chiselled; his eyes were like ice; his blueish-greyish irises complemented his cold gaze. His hair tressed down like water reaching his chest, light like snow. Whilst his skin was pale in comparison, a fair tone in colour. His attire seemed far more affluent than mine, donning a black trench coat with white underneath. His trousers complimented the darkness of his coat, and his black loafers were polished. I glanced at his right finger, an oval-shaped ring with a diamond glass stone crafted in sterling silver.

“Did you hear me not the first-time girl?” his tone turned stern.

My mouth moved, finally finding the words to speak. “H-hello, I’m Y/n”.

“y/n?” he muttered.

My eyes glanced downward once more as I slowly nodded.

“So, you have a voice after all, pray, tell. Why are you lingering in my domain?” he said shortly.

I muttered “private lessons”, though my voice sounded like a whisper.

“Ah, so you’ve seen the ad; I suppose you haven’t wasted our time after all, although you are five minutes late; I expect punctuality, to be exactly on time at the hour.” His voice sounded stern once more.

Well gee, it’s not like it’s my first time here, and gotten lost. My eyes still avoided his; I couldn’t look up, so I nodded.

He didn't react when I avoided his gaze, dismissing it. However, he commented on something else: “Your posture is lamentable. Stand up straighter like so.” The tip of his finger lightly touched my chin, lifting it to meet his gaze. I didn’t turn away precisely, yet I still flinched. My breathing slowed down as I once more met his gaze. His eyes narrowed, and his lips thinned.

“You stand there like a bird, wounded by the natures of evil, ignorant of the world’s knowledge, caged and sheltered from the shadows that lurk within the realm. Tell me, little bird, care to spread your wings?” I glanced at myself in the mirror, standing straighter. I could feel the flush in my cheeks, but I didn’t say anything, only breathing slowly.

His finger pulled away, and he turned his back to me, walking away.

“I expect to see you here tomorrow at exactly the seventh hour of the night”.

“Do not make me regret my decision, or you shall return to the cage from where you came, little bird”, He muttered.

With that, he walked out of the room, distancing himself further and further away. At that moment, I stood in disbelief for a few seconds, trying to understand what had happened. However, once my thoughts were collected, I gathered my things and scurried out of there, wanting nothing more than to enter my car. Once I exited the building, I was hit with the coldness in temperature as it touched my face.

I opened the car door, tossing my things in the back, turning the engine on. I looked back, trying to see the building to the left. As I drove, my thoughts were plagued with astonishment. I didn’t look away; I maintained eye contact for longer than three seconds, and—I managed to speak my name without stumbling over my words. My emotions displayed were as if I’d seen a ghost. Yet—his face—his appearance—it reminded me of snow; I always loved snow; even when I was a child, it was the happiest of my memories. I recall when my parents took me to the park; I was fascinated by the sight of the winter wonderland, my face lighting up with delight and laughing with joy. I always find that snow rekindles the fond memories I have.

Perhaps Mom was right after all; this might be the start of something I’ve never been able to do. Talk.

#thranduil au #thranduil x you #thranduil #thranduil oropherion #the hobbit au #the hobbit #thranduil fanfic #lord of the rings #thranduil ballet au #thranduil headcanon #thranduil fanfiction #thranduil x reader #thranduil oropherion x reader

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steddieas-shegoes · 1 year

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Hiiiiiiiii hdisjxksjdj I have 2 ideas for the fic writing request! Feel free to choose whichever one you'd like to do or both! 💝💝💝 love youuu

1: Steve's parents meet his new friends and are shocked at how happy he is. + they see that Steve and his friends all wear a similar-style friendship bracelet made by the kids.

2: platonic stobin with the song lyric (brother by Kodaline: I took out the chorus bc it doesn't match here):

When we were young we were the ones

The kings and queens oh yeah, we ruled the world

We smoked cigarettes, man, no regrets

Wish I could relive every single word

We've taken different paths

And travelled different roads

I know we'll always end up on the same one when we're old

And when you're in the trenches

And you're under fire I will cover you

If I was dying on my knees

You would be the one to rescue me

And if you were drowned at sea

I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe

we'll go deeper than the ink

Beneath the skin of our tattoos

Though we don't share the same blood

You're my brother and I love you that's the truth

We're living different lives

Heaven only knows

If we'll make it back with all our fingers and our toes

Five years, twenty years, come back

It will always be the same

ANOTHA ONE (BUT ACTUALLY TWO)! This first one for some reason got me fucked up. I wrote so much, then 75% of the way through, I hated it and deleted it and started over. The second one was a lot easier, but I did get a little carried away (could have gotten MORE carried away if I didn't have a tiny bit of self control left). ANYWAYS YAY FOR FINISHING ONE OF MY CLASSES WITH A 94 AND BEING ABLE TO POST THESE! LOTS OF LOVE BABEYYYY - Mickala ❤️

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PROMPT 1

“Where is it?”

Steve was panicking.

Okay, panicking might be dramatic.

It was just a bracelet.

But it wasn’t just a bracelet, actually.

El made them for everyone. They all matched, but she’d added everyone’s initials to theirs so it was still special for each of them.

When she gave Steve his, he hid in the bathroom and cried.

Despite being the King for years, he’d never had any friends like the kids and Robin.

Eddie either, but he’d already passed the line of “friends” into “love of his life”, so he didn’t count.

So when he looked down while he was cooking and realized it wasn’t wrapped around his wrist the way it had been for months, he started to worry.

When he couldn’t find it in the kitchen or the path from the kitchen to the car or the car itself or his bedroom or his bathroom, he started to feel a weight settle in his chest.

He wouldn’t give up yet though. He’d gone outside to check the chemicals in the pool this morning, maybe it had fallen off there.

Just when he was about to go look, he heard a car door slam. Then another one. Then keys at the front door.

Of all the times for his parents to decide they live here, they choose now? When he’d abandoned the casserole he was making on the counter and turned most of the place upside down in the last hour looking for his bracelet?

He took a deep breath, ready to try to brush aside the panic to make sure they didn’t find his behavior unacceptable or suspicious.

“Oh good. You’re home.”

Anne Harrington’s voice used to make Steve relax. She wasn’t ever a great mother, but she was at least here until he hit middle school. Her presence, her voice usually made his dad remain calm.

But when she started going away with his dad, her voice became a dreaded sound.

Instead of it easing the tension he held in his back and jaw, it caused the tension to arrive faster.

Richard Harrington was the root cause of all of that tension, though.

“What’s going on in here?”

Steve tried to make himself appear smaller, that’s what his dad liked from him, and that’s what kept him safe.

“You caught me as I was making dinner. I haven’t been able to clean up yet.”

“Is that a casserole?”

Anne was walking up to the counter, peering down at the casserole dish as she spoke.

“Yes. I’m having friends over later.”

He was at least. Before his parents made a surprise visit.

Just as he checked the clock to see if he had time to call everyone to cancel, he heard more car doors.

Fuck, how late was it?

6:30. Shit.

Of course the one time Eddie gets everyone here on time is the one time his parents decide to show up.

El had joined this campaign at the insistence of Eddie and Will, so he knew she’d notice his bracelet was missing.

He couldn’t let her close enough to see.

No hug hello. No sitting in the room while they played. No hugging goodbye.

He could do that.

El barged in the house first, excitement palpable before she even made it into the kitchen.

“Who the hell is this?”

The voices of the others could be heard walking through the door as El froze with wide eyes.

“Mom, Dad, this is El. She’s Chief Hopper’s daughter? I babysat her.”

They looked at him like he’d grown three heads.

“Steve! Tell Dustin that I’m supposed to be the fun parent!”

Steve’s face paled. Eddie.

Every possible reaction his parents could have ran through Steve’s mind as he actually did start to panic.

Suddenly, everyone from Hellfire was standing in his kitchen. With his parents.

And an uncooked casserole.

He reached for the bracelet on his wrist, then remembered he lost it, and then he felt the sting of tears in his eyes. He couldn’t cry in front of his parents.

He walked out of the room, ignoring the confused stares and murmurs from everyone, including his mother.

He walked up the stairs, to his bedroom, then fell on his bed.

No tears fell, but they were there, waiting. For what, he didn’t know.

He could hear footsteps outside of his room. A pause. A gentle knock.

“Steve?”

His mother.

She opened the door slowly, probably just as nervous as he suddenly was.

“Can I come in?”

“Sure,” he managed to choke out.

His mom sat on the edge of the bed, leaving enough space between them that he couldn’t feel any warmth from her, which is how it’s always been.

“We probably should have called.”

It wasn’t an apology, just a statement. More for her than him since she was feeling just as awkward about this as he was.

“Those kids are the ones you babysat?”

“Yeah.”

“They’ve gotten quite big, haven’t they?”

Steve had no idea what she was doing, but he could answer her questions.

“Yeah. Don’t really need me anymore.”

“They’re here, though.”

“I’ll send them home,” Steve started to get up, but his mom’s hand on his shoulder kept him from standing.

“Don’t. We just dropped by to grab a few things. We have a flight in a few hours.”

Ah. So they weren’t staying. If he hadn’t been home when they got here, he probably never would have even known they were here.

For some reason, that hurt. Even after all these years, all these times being left alone.

“They must really love you.”

Her voice sounded different, shaky. Like she was actually trying to show an emotion other than passiveness or disappointment.

She was holding something, he could see her rubbing her fingers along whatever it was.

And then he caught the bright pink.

His bracelet.

“Where did you find that?”

“It was on the ground by the front door. Your father didn’t see it, but I picked it up. Thought it may have belonged to a girl you brought home. Then I saw what all those kids were wearing and saw your initials on it.” She handed him the bracelet and he felt relief wash over him. “You’re lucky to have them.”

He looked at her. Her lips wobbling, her eyes watery, like she was actually happy for him, or maybe a little sad about something else.

Regret. That’s what that look was.

“I wish I had known that you had so many people who love you. I wish I had been here to see you find happiness. You didn’t have any for so long.”

She’d seen it then. She’d seen the way he had to fight loneliness despite being surrounded by people at school. She’d seen the way his face dropped every time they told him they were going on another business trip, how he started to hate that they even bothered to come home at all. She’d seen the way he filled his home with idiot teenagers who barely respected him or the house, who just wanted a place to drink away from their parent’s prying eyes.

She’d seen it and let him feel that hurt anyway.

She still didn’t say she was sorry.

But he thought about if he even wanted that now. If he could even believe it or accept it coming from her.

Probably not.

He took the bracelet from her and wrapped it around his wrist, tightening the string until it was snug.

“I didn’t have anyone for so long because you didn’t seem to think I needed anyone. I don’t know who I would be without them. They’ve done more for me than you or dad ever have, and that’s why I’m the happiest I’ve ever been,” Steve sighed. It was exhausting that he even had to say this. “You’re right, though. I am lucky to be loved by them. This bracelet is just one of the physical reminders of that. Thanks for finding it.”

A single tear fell from her eyes, but Steve wasn’t going to let himself feel bad. She could have done this years ago when he needed it most.

Now he had those kids downstairs. He had Eddie. He had Robin. Joyce and Hopper. Claudia. Even the Wheelers.

Suddenly, Eddie was standing in his door, a panicked look on his face.

“Uh, sorry to interrupt.” He wasn’t. “You may need to come downstairs. Erica’s kind of doing that thing she does with your dad.”

Steve’s eyes widened while his mom just looked confused.

Then he heard it.

He jumped up and ran down the stairs, Eddie close on his heels.

“...and another thing! This house isn’t even decorated nicely! You have all this money, right? Why don’t you spend it on things that actually look good? Or a couch that’s actually comfy. How am I supposed to sleep on a piece of plywood with itchy fabric on it? Have you ever tried to sleep on that couch? Probably not since you can’t be bothered to come home.”

Steve put his hand on Erica’s shoulder while he glanced over at his father’s red face. He obviously wasn’t going to do anything to a child, but he didn’t want to take any risks, not with the kids he loved so much.

“Alright, everyone in the dining room! Get your game setup while I put the casserole in the oven.”

Erica glared up at him, but relented when everyone started moving towards the dining room.

Eddie watched as she left too, but he remained next to Steve.

Steve turned to face his father, who was certainly going to have a lot to say to him, but would probably wait until he was alone.

“The neighbor told me you had kids coming and going from here all the time, but I thought they were losing it. Especially when they said that the Munson van was parked in the driveway most nights. I guess they aren’t losing it, after all.”

His tone was outwardly calm, but Steve was well-versed in the silent rage boiling underneath.

He was also well-versed in how his father refused to make their family look bad, even if it was just a bunch of kids.

“They needed a place to play their game. I have plenty of room. It keeps them out of trouble and happy. I get to have people in the house. It’s a win win.”

Steve wasn’t usually this bold with his father, but he knew he was fine with Eddie next to him and his family in the next room.

His dad grunted and looked down at the bracelet wrapped around Steve’s wrist, and the matching one wrapped around Eddie’s.

Steve could feel his brain trying to figure everything out. He didn’t say anything to help.

“I’m sure your mother mentioned we’re just grabbing some things and leaving,” Richard finally said.

“She did.”

“Make sure the house is clean before we get back.”

“Which will be…?”

“Within the next few weeks.”

“Sure.”

They weren’t gonna be back in a few weeks. They probably wouldn’t be back for months, if ever.

Steve noticed that they barely had any of their personal belongings left in the house. He noticed that they had been slowly moving out of the house since his senior year of high school. He noticed that they rarely got mail delivered anymore, and that they didn’t send the gardener or pool cleaner by unless they were coming home.

He knew they had another house in upstate New York, one he’d never even been to and only found out about because his dad’s secretary mentioned it the last time he’d called looking for them.

He figured if they were coming back in a few weeks, it would probably be to tell him they were selling this house and he had to leave.

Which was fine.

He looked down at his bracelet as his dad left the kitchen, tugging on the end of it to make it even tighter.

He had people who would help him if he got kicked out. He had family.

-------------------------------------------------------

PROMPT 2

In 1987, Robin Buckley leaves for college.

They knew it was coming, her gap year truly could only be a year, after all.

Steve tried to put on a brave face.

He was proud of her, of course. She got into Purdue on one of the hardest academic scholarships to get. They’d let her, even encouraged her, to take the gap year, postponing her scholarship for her new start date.

She was leaving tomorrow and Steve didn’t know how to say goodbye.

Eddie was helping with some of the last minute packing she had to do, but he was trying to stay out of their way, give them time and space to enjoy what time they had left.

Suddenly, Steve knew what he needed to do.

“Eds?”

“Hm?”

“You’ve got supplies for tattoos right?”

“Tattoos, plural? Going from none to multiple in one go may not be a great idea, sweetheart.”

Robin was watching their interaction with curious eyes, but wasn’t saying anything.

“No, just one for me. But maybe one for Robin too?” He pointed the question at her, giving her a small smile.

“What? A tattoo? Now?”

“If you want. Just something small for us to have before you go.”

Maybe it was a stupid idea.

It’s not like she was leaving the damn country. He’d probably see her once a month at least.

But he was scared that she’d get to college and find a lot of smart friends who could keep up with her and find fewer reasons to visit here, and then Steve wouldn’t be able to convince her to stick around and he’d be alone.

A tattoo would at least ensure she was thinking of him, too.

“What would we get?”

“What about an ice cream cone?”

“Or a scoop?”

Eddie laughed. “You really want me to tattoo ice cream scoops on your bodies? Forever? You know these are permanent.”

Steve and Robin giggled together and nodded.

So it was settled.

They finished what they had to, waving a quick goodbye to Robin’s parents and letting them know she’d be back late. They reminded her they were heading out early in the morning and she ignored them. When they got to Eddie’s trailer, the nerves sunk in for both of them. Not enough to avoid getting the tattoos, but enough to make them hold hands while Eddie prepped the tattoo gun and ink for Steve.

“Alright, where do you want it big boy?”

He pointed to his ankle and looked at Robin, who nodded back at him in agreement.

So Eddie began.

Steve flinched at the first few lines in his skin, but got used to it quickly.

Robin held his hand and watched, talking to him about random things that she thought of that they could do when he visited her on campus.

Eddie finished quickly, smiling up at them both.

When he cleaned up and set up the new needle and ink for Robin, Steve held her hand and talked about all the things he was excited for her to do when she left. He even joked that she’d probably find a girlfriend in her Women’s Studies course.

“I mean that class is just gonna be a bunch of queer women, you better make a move.”

“You don’t know that!” she exclaimed while rolling her eyes.

When Robin’s tattoo was done, they smiled at each other. Robin kissed Eddie’s cheek in thanks and Steve kissed his lips, whispering a quiet thanks against them.

Even if Robin moved on, they’d always have this.

—-------

In 1991, shortly after Robin managed to graduate from school, Steve and Eddie had a massive fight.

They’d never had one before, not like this.

Not one that led to Eddie walking out and staying with Wayne.

Steve’s first call was to Wayne, making sure Eddie was safe.

His second call was to Robin, begging her to come stay with him for a few days so he wouldn’t have to be alone.

He hadn’t been alone in his house since the fall of 1986 and it was suddenly bigger and quieter than ever.

She quickly drove to him, knowing he wouldn’t have asked if he wasn’t struggling.

When she arrived, Steve sobbed into her shoulder for hours, not even saying anything, not really able to. She let him, didn’t offer any words of comfort, just running her hands through his hair and making sure he kept breathing in and out.

Eventually, she asked.

“I thought you guys were doing great. What happened?”

Steve shrugged, but he knew. He knew that for a few weeks now Eddie had been working a lot more, that Steve had been working a lot more, both of them trying to save money to buy a house that wasn’t a constant reminder of everything bad in their lives. He knew that neither of them were giving each other the attention they deserved. He knew the tiny little snippy comments they both were giving each other kept adding up into a form of resentment he didn’t think either of them could’ve been capable of. He knew when he missed their date because he forgot to call when he found out about the overtime he was scheduled for, it would lead to a pissed off Eddie.

“We’re just under a lot of stress right now.”

“Worse than the literal end of the world?”

“No. Just. Real life is kind of harder sometimes. Is that crazy to think?”

“I guess not. But you guys love each other more than anything. This is just a bump, right?”

“I dunno. He’s staying with Wayne for a bit.”

“How long is a bit?”

“I don’t know, he didn’t say. Wayne said he’s barely seen him.”

“Maybe he just needs to cool off. Bet he’ll be back tomorrow.”

But he wasn’t. He wasn’t back that week at all. Robin had to go back to campus to pack before they locked her out permanently, so he was left to work and come home to an empty house.

It sucked, point blank.

But Wayne called him every night before he left for work, and Steve knew that at least Eddie was safe, still going to work, still eating.

The day Robin was supposed to be back, Eddie showed up. He let himself in, which was a good sign. He sat down next to Steve on the couch, another good sign. He sighed, not a great sign, but maybe not a bad one.

He looked at Steve with tears in his eyes.

“I wanna come home.”

Steve let out a sob and folded into Eddie’s chest, Eddie wrapping his arms around him and kissing the top of his head.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“Sh. I’m sorry too, Stevie.”

When Robin arrived, she saw them asleep on the couch, thankfully fully dressed, and smiled to herself. She made her way up to the guest room that was basically hers and went to sleep, content with knowing that she’d gotten Steve through.

—--------

In 1997, Robin lands her dream job offer. Things move quickly. She’s supposed to fly to Italy in three days, but she’s stuck on how to tell Steve.

Steve and Eddie moved to Boston when she did, insisting that they wanted to live a city life. Now that the kids were all gone, they had no reason to stay in Hawkins.

They sold the Harrington mansion, then their own home, and found a nice two bedroom apartment on the outskirts of the city. Steve worked in a bakery, so his hours were a bit all over the place depending on the season. Eddie worked as a sound mixer at a record label, which wasn’t his dream job, but close enough that he was happy.

Robin had been working as a tutor for years, enjoying the one on one with teenagers who needed the extra help in their high school foreign language classes. It didn’t pay much, but it was enough.

But she applied to be a teacher, part of a study abroad project for prospective Boston University students that reached 24 different countries. She didn’t really expect to get it, her experience and education level not quite where most of the other applicants were.

But she’d impressed the interviewers with her knowledge of multiple languages, not just fluency in one. They expressed immediate interest and asked her which country she’d prefer.

She told them she preferred Italy, but hadn’t expected to get her first choice.

She did.

And now she had to tell Steve she was leaving the country for at least a year.

She called Eddie first to warn him. He was excited for her, of course, but nervous about how Steve would react.

They frequently joked that she was the side chick in their relationship because Steve would cancel plans just to hang out with Robin. Even as grown adults with grown adult responsibilities, Eddie had to remind them to get some sleep during sleepovers like they were teenagers.

He thought it was adorable.

He told her to come over for dinner, she could talk to him then and he would be there as backup.

So she did.

And it went okay at first. Steve was so excited for her, he kept talking about how she could send real Italian chocolate like he got on a vacation with his parents when he was young.

But then it seemed to slowly sink in what this meant.

No more random meetups in the city for coffee or drinks, no more dinners here at their apartment, calls would have to be scheduled in advance because of the time difference. No hugs or cuddling for a year.

“Maybe we could try to come visit in a few months?” He looked at Eddie hopefully.

“Maybe, sweetheart,” Eddie responded with a small smile.

He knew their finances weren’t bad, but a trip to Italy certainly wasn’t something they were prepared for. Plus, taking that much time off of work would be difficult. They didn’t have another sound mixer right now, which meant if he missed more than a day or two, they’d pretty much have to close up shop.

“I mean, I’m sure with what they’re paying me, I could probably come visit during the Christmas break,” Robin added, though she didn’t sound so sure.

Eddie squeezed Steve’s knee, sensing the tears he was trying to hold back.

“We’ve got time to figure it out.”

Nothing got planned for a while though, because Robin was busier than expected.

She worked six days a week, and on the seventh day, she was usually still grading papers or setting up meetings with the other teachers in the program.

Steve felt like he was fighting constantly for her attention, which wasn’t fair to think because she was just doing her job.

Eddie knew he was getting into a depressive episode about a month in.

He called Robin while Steve was asleep, coming up with a plan to get him out of it before it got bad.

“I’ve got enough money for the flight, but we need somewhere to stay. I think I can swing five days off for both of us if I tell his boss what’s going on. But I can’t do it for at least a month.”

“Okay, just stay with me. I have a pull out couch. My neighbor brings me so much food all the time, I’m sure she’ll wanna feed you both too. I still have to work, but you can explore while I do. Have you guys even taken a real vacation before?”

“Does visiting Dustin count?”

“No.”

“Then, no.”

The plan was in place. Steve remained sad, but Robin tried to call as often as she could.

But almost exactly one month later, Steve came home to Eddie packing luggage. His heart stopped for a moment.

“What are you doing?”

Eddie smiled at him, walking over to wrap his arms around him.

“Packing for our trip.”

“What trip?”

“To Italy.”

Steve’s heart started racing.

“What?”

“Gotta get you to see your girl, don’t I? She’s got a couch with our name on it.”

Steve cried for the next hour, leaving wet kisses on Eddie’s cheeks and lips as he helped pack.

When they arrived in Italy, Robin was at the airport holding the chocolates Steve so desperately wanted, but he didn’t care about in that moment.

He was back with his platonic soulmate.

—------

Being engaged wasn’t that important to Steve or Eddie. They couldn’t legally get married anyway, so what was the point of the whole song and dance of asking and wearing a ring?

They’d belonged to each other for so long, it wasn’t necessary.

But in 2003, Eddie changed his mind.

It happened because Robin said something about how marriage equality was looking more likely, like maybe she could actually marry her girlfriend who followed her back from Italy.

And Eddie couldn’t have Robin get engaged before him.

So he found a ring, just a simple gold band with a single diamond. He got it engraved to say “scar on my heart” which was the title of the first song Eddie wrote about Steve for Steve.

He made plans. He called the kids and made them swear not to say anything.

He called Robin and asked if she could be there.

But he should have known Robin couldn’t keep a secret.

“I’m just so excited!”

“For what? It’s just ice cream at the park,” Steve said curiously.

“It’s not just ice cream! It’s a big moment!”

And then she realized what she said. Eddie glared at her.

“What’s the big moment?”

Eddie sighed. He could just say Robin was being dramatic, but Steve wouldn’t buy it, not with the way she looked guilty of murder now.

“I have something to ask you.”

Maybe Steve would leave it.

“What is it? Why does Robin need to be there? Just ask me now.”

Guess not.

“Since I can never have plans that work, fine.” Eddie pulled the box out of his pocket, sending one more glare at Robin, who already had tears in her eyes. He started to drop to one knee but felt hands on his arms.

“Wait! Are you proposing to me?”

“Uh. Trying to, yes.”

Steve started laughing. Not really the reaction he was hoping for.

Then, he pulled a box from his pocket.

Robin clapped and cheered from the side while Eddie just stared in disbelief.

“What?”

“I called Robin to come this weekend so I could propose!”

“But. I called her to come!”

“You both are dinguses! Eddie called me an hour before Steve did if it matters, but you both are ridiculous.”

They looked at each other and laughed as Robin’s words sank in.

“I guess I know your answer then,” Eddie said.

“Ask me anyway.”

“Yeah, I came all this way to see proposals, give me a show!” Robin exclaimed loudly.

“You just need ideas for your girlfriend.”

“Shut up.”

Eddie turned to Steve, got down on one knee, and smiled up at him.

“We’re living in a time where we might be able to actually get married and there is nothing I want more than to be able to call you my husband. I’ve loved you for nearly 20 years, and I know I’ll love you more in the next 20, and the 20 after that. What do you say, big boy? Wanna marry me?”

Steve was crying and Eddie could hear Robin sniffling to the side.

“Yeah, I do.”

Eddie placed the ring on Steve’s finger and kissed him so hard, Robin groaned.

“Okay, my turn.”

Eddie stood up with a smirk as Steve got down on one knee.

“Eds, I’ve never been that great with words, but you’ve loved me anyway. Even when I may not have deserved it, even when it may have been hard, even before I was ready to love you back. I’m not going anywhere no matter what the law says, but I want you to wear this so you know I’m all in. Will you be all in too?”

Robin was crying harder now, but Eddie didn’t care.

He nodded and let Steve place the ring on his finger.

Then they both pulled Robin into a hug, all of them crying into each other’s shoulders.

It made sense that she was here for this. She was Steve’s other half, Eddie was just an addition, and he was fine with that.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #robin buckley #platonic stobin #steve's parents suck #hellfire club #el hopper #dustin henderson #erica sinclair #lucas sinclair #will byers #future fic #time skips #requests

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