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softweb-solutions · 1 year ago

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Accelerating transformation: The impact of automation on cloud migration

Cloud computing has become the bedrock of modern businesses. The ability to store, manage, and access data and applications remotely has revolutionized the way organizations operate. However, the journey to migration of an organization’s digital assets, applications, data, and workloads from conventional on-premises infrastructure to cloud-based platforms isn’t always straightforward.

Cloud migration involves meticulous planning, resource allocation, and implementation strategies. This is where automation plays a pivotal role in accelerating the process.

Gartner predicts 60% of data center infrastructure teams will have relevant automation and cloud skills by 2027

In this blog we will explore the profound implications of automation in accelerating the rapid migration to cloud infrastructure.

Benefits of automated cloud migration

Due to the rising complexities in the migration process, leveraging automation becomes paramount. By integrating automated tools and methodologies, organizations can streamline their migration projects, achieving faster, more accurate, and reliable outcomes. Here are some key benefits:

1. Efficiency improvements

Automation streamlines tasks, optimizing processes and resource utilization for faster completion during cloud migration. By eliminating manual intervention, organizations can achieve greater efficiency and reduce the time required for migration.

2. Cost savings

One of the significant advantages of automation in cloud migration is the reduction of operational costs. By minimizing manual intervention and enhancing resource efficiency, organizations can achieve cost savings throughout the migration process.

3. Reduction in manual errors

Human errors can have significant consequences during cloud migration, leading to data loss or application failures. Automation reduces the likelihood of manual errors, ensuring the secure and accurate transfer of data and applications to the cloud environment.

4. Accelerated deployment cycles

Automated procedures expedite the deployment of applications and resources, significantly reducing deployment time. This allows organizations to take advantage of the scalability and flexibility offered by the cloud, enabling faster time-to-market for new products and services.

5. Scalability and flexibility

Automation enables easy scaling and swift adaptation to changing needs during cloud migration. Organizations can effortlessly adjust their resources and infrastructure to accommodate growth and changing requirements, ensuring a seamless transition to the cloud.

Tools and technologies for automating cloud migration processes

Several tools and technologies can facilitate the automation of cloud migration processes. Here are some popular ones:

1. Infrastructure as Code (IaC) tools

Infrastructure as Code (IaC) tools enable organizations to automate infrastructure provisioning and configuration management. Some widely used IaC tools include:

Terraform: Empowers infrastructure automation through declarative configuration files.

AWS CloudFormation: Simplifies the provisioning of AWS resources using templates.

Azure Resource Manager: Offers templates for resource deployment in Azure.

2. Data migration tools

Data migration is a critical aspect of cloud migration, and several tools are available to facilitate seamless data transfer. Some commonly used data migration tools include:

AWS Database Migration Service: Facilitates the migration of databases to AWS with minimal downtime.

Azure Database Migration Service: Enables organizations to migrate databases to Azure with ease.

Google Cloud Data Transfer Service: Streamlines the process of transferring data to Google Cloud.

3. CI/CD tools

Continuous integration and continuous deployment (CI/CD) tools automate the software development process, allowing for efficient application deployment and management. Here are some popular CI/CD tools:

Jenkins: An open-source automation server for continuous integration and delivery.

GitLab CI/CD: Provides a robust platform for the entire DevOps lifecycle.

CircleCI: Offers cloud-based CI/CD for automating the software development process.

Key areas for automation in cloud migration

1. Resource provisioning and configuration

Automating resource provisioning and configuration management is crucial for optimizing cloud migration. By implementing automated procedures, organizations can ensure efficient resource utilization and streamlined configurations.

2. Data migration and transfer

Smooth data migration and synchronization are vital for a successful cloud migration strategy. Automated tools facilitate secure and accurate data transfer, ensuring that vital data is seamlessly moved to the cloud environment.

3. Application deployment and management

Efficient application deployment and management are essential for leveraging the benefits of the cloud. By integrating CI/CD pipelines and containerization tools, organizations can automate application deployment, accelerating deployment cycles and ensuring effective management in the cloud.

Best practices for implementing automation in cloud migration

1. Assessment and planning

Evaluate the current state of infrastructure, applications, dependencies, and interconnections.

Clearly define objectives and expected outcomes from the migration.

Utilize automated assessment tools to identify workloads suitable for migration.

Select the right automation tools and frameworks based on compatibility and requirements.

2. Standardization and templates

Standardize configurations by creating templates and standard configurations.

Develop reusable automation scripts or playbooks for consistent deployment across different environments.

3. Security and compliance

Implement automated security checks and configurations to ensure compliance adherence.

Utilize identity and access management automation for secure resource access.

4. Testing and validation

Implement automated testing for applications to ensure they function properly in the cloud environment.

Develop validation procedures and automated tests to confirm successful migrations.

5. Incremental migration and monitoring

Break down the migration into smaller, manageable chunks to reduce risks and enable iterative improvements.

Implement automated monitoring tools to track performance, detect issues, and optimize resource usage post-migration.

How to identify if automated cloud migration works for your business?

Discovering if automated cloud migration suits your business involves diving into crucial factors. It’s like finding the perfect puzzle piece that fits seamlessly. To unravel this puzzle, peek into your business’s needs, goals, and capabilities, consider the following factors:

Assess your business objectives and evaluate how automation can support them.

Evaluate the complexity and scale of your migration project and determine if automation can streamline the process.

Conduct a risk assessment to identify potential challenges and determine if automation can mitigate them.

Consider the time-to-value and speed of deployment that automation can offer.

Assess the scalability and flexibility that automation can provide to accommodate your business’s future growth.

Evaluate the compatibility of your applications with automation tools and frameworks.

Consider conducting pilot projects or proof of concepts to test the feasibility and effectiveness of automated cloud migration for your business.

Embrace automated cloud migration for hassle-free transformation

Adopting automation isn’t merely an enhancement but a necessity in modernizing infrastructure. It empowers businesses to concentrate on innovation, secure in the knowledge that the foundation of their operations is well-optimized and future-ready.

Are you looking to seamlessly transition your operations to the cloud? Our automated cloud migration services are designed to simplify and expedite the migration process for your business. With our expertise in cloud consulting services, we ensure a smooth transition, optimizing efficiency and minimize disruptions. Excited to tap into the perks of automated cloud migration? Let’s make your transformation effortless starting today.

#Cloud Migration Service #cloud migration AWS #Cloud Automation #Cloud Migration Strategies #Cloud consulting services

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codeonedigest · 2 years ago

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Amazon Relation Database Service RDS Explained for Cloud Developers

Full Video Link - https://youtube.com/shorts/zBv6Tcw6zrU Hi, a new #video #tutorial on #amazonrds #aws #rds #relationaldatabaseservice is published on #codeonedigest #youtube channel. @java @awscloud @AWSCloudIndia @YouTube #youtube @codeonedig

Amazon Relational Database Service (Amazon RDS) is a collection of managed services that makes it simple to set up, operate, and scale relational databases in the cloud. You can choose from seven popular engines i.e., Amazon Aurora with MySQL & PostgreSQL compatibility, MySQL, MariaDB, PostgreSQL, Oracle, and SQL Server. It provides cost-efficient, resizable capacity for an industry-standard…

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femmefatalevibe · 2 years ago

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Femme Fatale Guide: Products & Services Worth The Splurge

Fashion:

A great couple of bras in black/nude (your best skin-toned shade)

Comfortable, breathable, and seamless underwear

Outerwear (Coats, jackets, blazers)

The perfect pair of jeans

An LBD that works from day to night

Comfortable, sturdy, sleek, and timeless footwear (a versatile black boot, a black heel, white sneaker, and a black flat/loafer/sandal)

A timeless and versatile crossbody or shoulder bag (a larger one for the daytime/work or school and a smaller one for nighttime/events)

One or two well-made classic jewelry item(s)

A conversation-starting item or accessory

Beauty:

Sunscreen

Any skincare/skin cosmetic products that are game-changers for you

A quality hair brush, comb, and hair towel

Your signature scent

A quality razor/hair removal product

Vitamin C/Retinol serums

Reliable hair tools and sturdy nail tools

A quality hair heat protectant/scalp cleansing or conditioning spray

Makeup brushes and beauty tool cleaners

Home:

Lamps/lighting

Couch/desk chair

Everything for your bed: Bed frame, mattress/sheets/pillows, etc.

Knives

Dishwasher-safe and microwave-safe dishes & cups you love

A full-length mirror

Vacuum

Storage solutions/cedar blocks or moth balls

Quality holders for everything: Paper towels, shower storage, hooks, mailbox/key bowls

Name brand paper products/household cleaners

Electric toothbrush & Waterpik

Sound-proof headphones/Airpods

MacBook Air

Health & Wellness:

High-quality lettuce and/or sprouts

Organic frozen fruits and vegetables (if fresh is too pricey)

BPA-free canned goods

Potassium bromate & glyphosate-free grain products

Snacks free of artificial colors

Quality coffee

An at-home massage tool/heating pad

Fur products for skin/hair removal

Vitamin C/Retinol serums

Quality running shoes

Anything that goes near your vulva or into the vagina: Sex toys, lube, condoms, toy cleaners, pads/tampons/menstrual cups, cleansing wipes, etc.

A yoga mat, resistance band, and a pair of small ankle weights

Spotify subscription

Books and audiobooks

Services:

Therapy

A top-tier haircut

House cleaning (even if it's only once every couple of months)

Top-tier hair removal/brow maintenance services of your choice

Best doctors, dentists, OB/GYN, and dermatologists you can get

At least one personal training/styling session in your life

Professional/Social:

Ownership of the domain for your full legal/professional name and/or business name

A CPA/bookkeeper/fiduciary financial advisor

Automation workflow/content management system software

A lawyer for contract review/LLC services

Personalized stationery/"Thank You" cards

Memorable client gifting for the holidays/milestone successes

Niche skill-based certifications (Google, AWS, Hubspot, etc.) or courses made by trusted professionals in your field

Subscriptions in world-leading and industry-authority digital publications

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paternostergays · 1 month ago

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kerblam pisses me off soooo much because of the complete lack of thought behind it - same as lucky day. the famous 'the systems aren't the problem' line (terrible choice of word, because the doctor is referring to automation and not the system of capitalism) tops off the conclusion of the allegory of the extreme activist, which was poorly handled and makes the whole episode appear to be supporting capitalism anyway. the episode is right to point out that charlie's plan (aka mass murder of kerblam customers) is awful, but doesn't drive home the message that a) he's targeting the technology rather than capitalism and b) if he gets his wish then what? even more people work underpaid menial jobs that have been established as easy to do via automation? which is the end result of the story anyway. the episode does a very good job of pointing out the capitalist system and how damaging it is (particularly the line about how the company is its own security, healthcare etc) but does nothing to fix it - and fumbles the 'people who misuse technology are the wrong ones not the technology itself' message to boot.

ANYWAY. onto lucky day, because they were written by the same guy. overall much better and more nuanced episode that again gets its messaging confused because the writer picked UNIT to function as an allegory for the climate deniers/conspiracy theorists/anti NHS (etc) types to rail against. If UNIT was not so heavily militarised, the episode would read a whole lot better. But yknow, it's hard to disagree with Conrad when he points out that they have a massive Avengers style tower and many many guns and go around arresting journalists (slight aside, he was arrested for something like breaking the peace - I can't quite remember the exact phrasing - when what he was actually doing was basically a misuse of emergency services, which would have worked a lot better alongside the 'I didn't take the antidote' line). and the climax of the episode being the paramilitary government organisation siccing a deadly alien on a guy was... yeah, again unintentional because we all hate conrads guts and sort of want it to happen by that point, but still. and I saw someone make the point that the episode refused to address any of the systems in place/social climate - such as government spending on things other than the systems put in place to help people, the cost of living, struggling healthcare system etc - that would allow people to become radicalised in the way conrad was, which makes sense when compared with kerblam. both point out the flaws in the system and have villains who rail against them in the wrong way - but neither goes so far as to suggest blaming (or, consequently, fixing/abolishing) the systems themselves for the problem they've ultimately created.

i think that's what annoys me about both episodes, to different degrees. they both leave you feeling confused about the message they're aiming for.

#kerblam #lucky day #doctor who series 15 #doctor who series 11 #dw critical #i can feel myself getting back into dr who though yippee!#doctor who #corvus rambles #pete mctighe #doctor who critical #hope this makes sense

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mostlysignssomeportents · 2 years ago

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The enshittification of garage-door openers reveals a vast and deadly rot

I'll be at the Studio City branch of the LA Public Library on Monday, November 13 at 1830hPT to launch my new novel, The Lost Cause. There'll be a reading, a talk, a surprise guest (!!) and a signing, with books on sale. Tell your friends! Come on down!

How could this happen? Owners of Chamberlain MyQ automatic garage door openers just woke up to discover that the company had confiscated valuable features overnight, and that there was nothing they could do about it.

Oh, we know what happened, technically speaking. Chamberlain shut off the API for its garage-door openers, which breaks their integration with home automation systems like Home Assistant. The company even announced that it was doing this, calling the integration an "unauthorized usage" of its products, though the "unauthorized" parties in this case are the people who own Chamberlain products:

https://chamberlaingroup.com/press/a-message-about-our-decision-to-prevent-unauthorized-usage-of-myq

We even know why Chamberlain did this. As Ars Technica's Ron Amadeo points out, shutting off the API is a way for Chamberlain to force its customers to use its ad-beshitted, worst-of-breed app, so that it can make a few pennies by nonconsensually monetizing its customers' eyeballs:

https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2023/11/chamberlain-blocks-smart-garage-door-opener-from-working-with-smart-homes/

But how did this happen? How did a giant company like Chamberlain come to this enshittening juncture, in which it felt empowered to sabotage the products it had already sold to its customers? How can this be legal? How can it be good for business? How can the people who made this decision even look themselves in the mirror?

To answer these questions, we must first consider the forces that discipline companies, acting against the impulse to enshittify their products and services. There are four constraints on corporate conduct:

I. Competition. The fear of losing your business to a rival can stay even the most sociopathic corporate executive's hand.

II. Regulation. The fear of being fined, criminally sanctioned, or banned from doing business can check the greediest of leaders.

III. Capability. Corporate executives can dream up all kinds of awful ways to shift value from your side of the ledger to their own, but they can only do the things that are technically feasible.

IV. Self-help. The possibility of customers modifying, reconfiguring or altering their products to restore lost functionality or neutralize antifeatures carries an implied threat to vendors. If a printer company's anti-generic-ink measures drives a customer to jailbreak their printers, the original manufacturer's connection to that customer is permanently severed, as the customer creates a durable digital connection to a rival.

When companies act in obnoxious, dishonest, shitty ways, they aren't merely yielding to temptation – they are evading these disciplining forces. Thus, the Great Enshittening we are living through doesn't reflect an increase in the wickedness of corporate leadership. Rather, it represents a moment in which each of these disciplining factors have been gutted by specific policies.

This is good news, actually. We used to put down rat poison and we didn't have a rat problem. Then we stopped putting down rat poison and rats are eating us alive. That's not a nice feeling, but at least we know at least one way of addressing it – we can start putting down poison again. That is, we can start enforcing the rules that we stopped enforcing, in living memory. Having a terrible problem is no fun, but the best kind of terrible problem to have is one that you know a solution to.

As it happens, Chamberlain is a neat microcosm for all the bad policy choices that created the Era of Enshittification. Let's go through them:

Competition: Chamberlain doesn't have to worry about competition, because it is owned by a private equity fund that "rolled up" all of Chamberlain's major competitors into a single, giant firm. Most garage-door opener brands are actually Chamberlain, including "LiftMaster, Chamberlain, Merlin, and Grifco":

https://www.lakewoodgaragedoor.biz/blog/the-history-of-garage-door-openers

This is a pretty typical PE rollup, and it exploits a bug in US competition law called "Antitrust's Twilight Zone":

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/16/schumpeterian-terrorism/#deliberately-broken

When companies buy each other, they are subject to "merger scrutiny," a set of guidelines that the FTC and DoJ Antitrust Division use to determine whether the outcome is likely to be bad for competition. These rules have been pretty lax since the Reagan administration, but they've currently being revised to make them substantially more strict:

https://www.justice.gov/opa/pr/justice-department-and-ftc-seek-comment-draft-merger-guidelines

One of the blind spots in these merger guidelines is an exemption for mergers valued at less than $101m. Under the Hart-Scott-Rodino Act, these fly under the radar, evading merger scrutiny. That means that canny PE companies can roll up dozens and dozens of standalone businesses, like funeral homes, hospital beds, magic mushrooms, youth addiction treatment centers, mobile home parks, nursing homes, physicians’ practices, local newspapers, or e-commerce sellers:

http://www.economicliberties.us/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/Serial-Acquisitions-Working-Paper-R4-2.pdf

By titrating the purchase prices, PE companies – like Blackstone, owners of Chamberlain and all the other garage-door makers – can acquire a monopoly without ever raising a regulatory red flag.

But antitrust enforcers aren't helpless. Under (the long dormant) Section 7 of the Clayton Act, competition regulators can block mergers that lead to "incipient monopolization." The incipiency standard prevented monopolies from forming from 1914, when the Clayton Act passed, until the Reagan administration. We used to put down rat poison, and we didn't have rats. We stopped, and rats are gnawing our faces off. We still know where the rat poison is – maybe we should start putting it down again.

On to regulation. How is it possible for Chamberlain to sell you a garage-door opener that has an API and works with your chosen home automation system, and then unilaterally confiscate that valuable feature? Shouldn't regulation protect you from this kind of ripoff?

It should, but it doesn't. Instead, we have a bunch of regulations that protect Chamberlain from you. Think of binding arbitration, which allows Chamberlain to force you to click through an "agreement" that takes away your right to sue them or join a class-action suit:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/20/benevolent-dictators/#felony-contempt-of-business-model

But regulation could protect you from Chamberlain. Section 5 of the Federal Trade Commission Act allows the FTC to ban any "unfair and deceptive" conduct. This law has been on the books since 1914, but Section 5 has been dormant, forgotten and unused, for decades. The FTC's new dynamo chair, Lina Khan, has revived it, and is use it like a can-opener to free Americans who've been trapped by abusive conduct:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/10/the-courage-to-govern/#whos-in-charge

Khan's used Section 5 powers to challenge privacy invasions, noncompete clauses, and other corporate abuses – the bait-and-switch tactics of Chamberlain are ripe for a Section 5 case. If you buy a gadget because it has five features and then the vendor takes two of them away, they are clearly engaged in "unfair and deceptive" conduct.

On to capability. Since time immemorial, corporate leaders have fetishized "flexibility" in their business arrangements – like the ability to do "dynamic pricing" that changes how much you pay for something based on their guess about how much you are willing to pay. But this impulse to play shell games runs up against the hard limits of physical reality: grocers just can't send an army of rollerskated teenagers around the store to reprice everything as soon as a wealthy or desperate-looking customer comes through the door. They're stuck with crude tactics like doubling the price of a flight that doesn't include a Saturday stay as a way of gouging business travelers on an expense account.

With any shell-game, the quickness of the hand deceives the eye. Corporate crooks armed with computers aren't smarter or more wicked than their analog forebears, but they are faster. Digital tools allow companies to alter the "business logic" of their services from instant to instant, in highly automated ways:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/19/twiddler/

The monopoly coalition has successfully argued that this endless "twiddling" should not be constrained by privacy, labor or consumer protection law. Without these constraints, corporate twiddlers can engage in all kinds of ripoffs, like wage theft and algorithmic wage discrimination:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men

Twiddling is key to the Darth Vader MBA ("I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it further"), in which features are confiscated from moment to moment, without warning or recourse:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/26/hit-with-a-brick/#graceful-failure

There's no reason to accept the premise that violating your privacy, labor rights or consumer rights with a computer is so different from analog ripoffs that existing laws don't apply. The unconstrained twiddling of digital ripoff artists is a plague on billions of peoples' lives, and any enforcer who sticks up for our rights will have an army of supporters behind them.

Finally, there's the fear of self-help measures. All the digital flexibility that tech companies use to take value away can be used to take it back, too. The whole modern history of digital computers is the history of "adversarial interoperability," in which the sleazy antifeatures of established companies are banished through reverse-engineering, scraping, bots and other forms of technological guerrilla warfare:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/10/adversarial-interoperability

Adversarial interoperability represents a serious threat to established business. If you're a printer company gouging on toner, your customers might defect to a rival that jailbreaks your security measures. That's what happened to Lexmark, who lost a case against the toner-refilling company Static Controls, which went on to buy Lexmark:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/06/felony-contempt-business-model-lexmarks-anti-competitive-legacy

Sure, your customers are busy and inattentive and you can degrade the quality of your product a lot before they start looking for ways out. But once they cross that threshold, you can lose them forever. That's what happened to Microsoft: the company made the tactical decision to produce a substandard version of Office for the Mac in a drive to get Mac users to switch to Windows. Instead, Apple made Iwork (Pages, Numbers and Keynote), which could read and write every Office file, and Mac users threw away Office, the only Microsoft product they owned, permanently severing their relationship to the company:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/06/adversarial-interoperability-reviving-elegant-weapon-more-civilized-age-slay

Today, companies can operate without worrying about this kind of self-help measure. There' a whole slew of IP rights that Chamberlain can enforce against you if you try to fix your garage-door opener yourself, or look to a competitor to sell you a product that restores the feature they took away:

https://locusmag.com/2020/09/cory-doctorow-ip/

Jailbreaking your Chamberlain gadget in order to make it answer to a rival's app involves bypassing a digital lock. Trafficking in a tool to break a digital lock is a felony under Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright, carrying a five-year prison sentence and a $500,000 fine.

In other words, it's not just that tech isn't regulated, allowing for endless twiddling against your privacy, consumer rights and labor rights. It's that tech is badly regulated, to permit unlimited twiddling by tech companies to take away your rightsand to prohibit any twiddling by you to take them back. The US government thumbs the scales against you, creating a regime that Jay Freeman aptly dubbed "felony contempt of business model":

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/23/how-to-fix-cars-by-breaking-felony-contempt-of-business-model/

All kinds of companies have availed themselves of this government-backed superpower. There's DRM – digital locks, covered by DMCA 1201 – in powered wheelchairs:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2022/06/when-drm-comes-your-wheelchair

In dishwashers:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/03/cassette-rewinder/#disher-bob

In treadmills:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/22/vapescreen/#jane-get-me-off-this-crazy-thing

In tractors:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/08/about-those-kill-switched-ukrainian-tractors/

It should come as no surprise to learn that Chamberlain has used DMCA 1201 to block interoperable garage door opener components:

https://scholarship.law.marquette.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1233&context=iplr

That's how we arrived at this juncture, where a company like Chamberlain can break functionality its customers value highly, solely to eke out a minuscule new line of revenue by selling ads on their own app.

Chamberlain bought all its competitors.

Chamberlain operates in a regulatory environment that is extremely tolerant of unfair and deceptive practices. Worse: they can unilaterally take away your right to sue them, which means that if regulators don't bestir themselves to police Chamberlain, you are shit out of luck.

Chamberlain has endless flexibility to unilaterally alter its products' functionality, in fine-grained ways, even after you've purchased them.

Chamberlain can sue you if you try to exercise some of that same flexibility to protect yourself from their bad practices.

Combine all four of those factors, and of course Chamberlain is going to enshittify its products. Every company has had that one weaselly asshole at the product-planning table who suggests a petty grift like breaking every one of the company's customers' property to sell a few ads. But historically, the weasel lost the argument to others, who argued that making every existing customer furious would affect the company's bottom line, costing it sales and/or fines, and prompting customers to permanently sever their relationship with the company by seeking out and installing alternative software. Take away all the constraints on a corporation's worst impulses, and this kind of conduct is inevitable:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/28/microincentives-and-enshittification/

This isn't limited to Chamberlain. Without the discipline of competition, regulation, self-help measures or technological limitations, every industry in undergoing wholesale enshittification. It's not a coincidence that Chamberlain's grift involves a push to move users into its app. Because apps can't be reverse-engineered and modified without risking DMCA 1201 prosecution, forcing a user into an app is a tidy and reliable way to take away that user's rights.

Think about ad-blocking. One in four web users has installed an ad-blockers ("the biggest boycott in world history" -Doc Searls). Zero app users have installed app-blockers, because they don't exist, because making one is a felony. An app is just a web-page wrapped in enough IP to make it a crime to defend yourself against corporate predation:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/27/an-audacious-plan-to-halt-the-internets-enshittification-and-throw-it-into-reverse/

The temptation to enshitiffy isn't new, but the ability to do so without consequence is a modern phenomenon, the intersection of weak policy enforcement and powerful technology. Your car is autoenshittified, a rolling rent-seeking platform that spies on you and price-gouges you:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon

Cars are in an uncontrolled skid over Enshittification Cliff. Honda, Toyota, VW and GM all sell cars with infotainment systems that harvest your connected phone's text-messages and send them to the corporation for data-mining. What's more, a judge in Washington state just ruled that this is legal:

https://therecord.media/class-action-lawsuit-cars-text-messages-privacy

While there's no excuse for this kind of sleazy conduct, we can reasonably anticipate that if our courts would punish companies for engaging in it, they might be able to resist the temptation. No wonder Mozilla's latest Privacy Not Included research report called cars "the worst product category we have ever reviewed":

https://foundation.mozilla.org/en/privacynotincluded/articles/its-official-cars-are-the-worst-product-category-we-have-ever-reviewed-for-privacy/

I mean, Nissan tries to infer facts about your sex life and sells those inferences to marketing companies:

https://foundation.mozilla.org/en/privacynotincluded/nissan/

But the OG digital companies are the masters of enshittification. Microsoft has been at this game for longer than anyone, and every day brings a fresh way that Microsoft has worsened its products without fear of consequence. The latest? You can't delete your OneDrive account until you provide an acceptable explanation for your disloyalty:

https://www.theverge.com/2023/11/8/23952878/microsoft-onedrive-windows-close-app-notification

It's tempting to think that the cruelty is the point, but it isn't. It's almost never the point. The point is power and money. Unscrupulous businesses have found ways to make money by making their products worse since the industrial revolution. Here's Jules Dupuis, writing about 19th century French railroads:

It is not because of the few thousand francs which would have to be spent to put a roof over the third-class carriages or to upholster the third-class seats that some company or other has open carriages with wooden benches. What the company is trying to do is to prevent the passengers who can pay the second class fare from traveling third class; it hits the poor, not because it wants to hurt them, but to frighten the rich. And it is again for the same reason that the companies, having proved almost cruel to the third-class passengers and mean to the second-class ones, become lavish in dealing with first-class passengers. Having refused the poor what is necessary, they give the rich what is superfluous.

https://www.tumblr.com/mostlysignssomeportents/731357317521719296/having-refused-the-poor-what-is-necessary-they

But as bad as all this is, let me remind you about the good part: we know how to stop companies from enshittifying their products. We know what disciplines their conduct: competition, regulation, capability and self-help measures. Yes, rats are gnawing our eyeballs, but we know which rat-poison to use, and where to put it to control those rats.

Competition, regulation, constraint and self-help measures all backstop one another, and while one or a few can make a difference, they are most powerful when they're all mobilized in concert. Think of the failure of the EU's landmark privacy law, the GDPR. While the GDPR proved very effective against bottom-feeding smaller ad-tech companies, the worse offenders, Meta and Google, have thumbed their noses at it.

This was enabled in part by the companies' flying an Irish flag of convenience, maintaining the pretense that they have to be regulated in a notorious corporate crime-haven:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/15/finnegans-snooze/#dirty-old-town

That let them get away with all kinds of shenanigans, like ignoring the GDPR's requirement that you should be able to easily opt out of data-collection without having to go through cumbersome "cookie consent" dialogs or losing access to the service as punishment for declining to be tracked.

As the noose has tightened around these surveillance giants, they're continuing to play games. Meta now says that the only way to opt out of data-collection in the EU is to pay for the service:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/30/markets-remaining-irrational/#steins-law

This is facially illegal under the GDPR. Not only are they prohibited from punishing you for opting out of collection, but the whole scheme ignores the nature of private data collection. If Facebook collects the fact that you and I are friends, but I never opted into data-collection, they have violated the GDPR, even if you were coerced into granting consent:

https://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2023/11/the-pay-or-consent-challenge-for-platform-regulators.html

The GDPR has been around since 2016 and Google and Meta are still invading 500 million Europeans' privacy. This latest delaying tactic could add years to their crime-spree before they are brought to justice.

But most of this surveillance is only possible because so much of how you interact with Google and Meta is via an app, and an app is just a web-page that's a felony to make an ad-blocker for. If the EU were to legalize breaking DRM – repealing Article 6 of the 2001 Copyright Directive – then we wouldn't have to wait for the European Commission to finally wrestle these two giant companies to the ground. Instead, EU companies could make alternative clients for all of Google and Meta's services that don't spy on you, without suffering the fate of OG App, which tried this last winter and was shut down by "felony contempt of business model":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/05/battery-vampire/#drained

Enshittification is demoralizing. To quote @wilwheaton, every update to the services we use inspires "dread of 'How will this complicate things as I try to maintain privacy and sanity in a world that demands I have this thing to operate?'"

https://wilwheaton.tumblr.com/post/698603648058556416/cory-doctorow-if-you-see-this-and-have-thoughts

But there are huge natural constituencies for the four disciplining forces that keep enshittification at bay.

Remember, Antitrust's Twilight Zone doesn't just allow rollups of garage-door opener companies – it's also poison for funeral homes, hospital beds, magic mushrooms, youth addiction treatment centers, mobile home parks, nursing homes, physicians’ practices, local newspapers, or e-commerce sellers.

The Binding Arbitration scam that stops Chamberlain customers from suing the company also stops Uber drivers from suing over stolen wages, Turbotax customers from suing over fraud, and many other victims of corporate crime from getting a day in court.

The failure to constrain twiddling to protect privacy, labor rights and consumer rights enables a host of abuses, from stalking, doxing and SWATting to wage theft and price gouging:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/06/attention-rents/#consumer-welfare-queens

And Felony Contempt of Business Model is used to screw you over every time you refill your printer, run your dishwasher, or get your Iphone's screen replaced.

The actions needed to halt and reverse this enshittification are well understood, and the partisans for taking those actions are too numerous to count. It's taken a long time for all those individuals suffering under corporate abuses to crystallize into a movement, but at long last, it's happening.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/09/lead-me-not-into-temptation/#chamberlain

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

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mariacallous · 7 days ago

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On a 5K screen in Kirkland, Washington, four terminals blur with activity as artificial intelligence generates thousands of lines of code. Steve Yegge, a veteran software engineer who previously worked at Google and AWS, sits back to watch.

“This one is running some tests, that one is coming up with a plan. I am now coding on four different projects at once, although really I’m just burning tokens,” Yegge says, referring to the cost of generating chunks of text with a large language model (LLM).

Learning to code has long been seen as the ticket to a lucrative, secure career in tech. Now, the release of advanced coding models from firms like OpenAI, Anthropic, and Google threatens to upend that notion entirely. X and Bluesky are brimming with talk of companies downsizing their developer teams—or even eliminating them altogether.

When ChatGPT debuted in late 2022, AI models were capable of autocompleting small portions of code—a helpful, if modest step forward that served to speed up software development. As models advanced and gained “agentic” skills that allow them to use software programs, manipulate files, and access online services, engineers and non-engineers alike started using the tools to build entire apps and websites. Andrej Karpathy, a prominent AI researcher, coined the term “vibe coding” in February, to describe the process of developing software by prompting an AI model with text.

The rapid progress has led to speculation—and even panic—among developers, who fear that most development work could soon be automated away, in what would amount to a job apocalypse for engineers.

“We are not far from a world—I think we’ll be there in three to six months—where AI is writing 90 percent of the code,” Dario Amodei, CEO of Anthropic, said at a Council on Foreign Relations event in March. “And then in 12 months, we may be in a world where AI is writing essentially all of the code,” he added.

But many experts warn that even the best models have a way to go before they can reliably automate a lot of coding work. While future advancements might unleash AI that can code just as well as a human, until then relying too much on AI could result in a glut of buggy and hackable code, as well as a shortage of developers with the knowledge and skills needed to write good software.

David Autor, an economist at MIT who studies how AI affects employment, says it’s possible that software development work will be automated—similar to how transcription and translation jobs are quickly being replaced by AI. He notes, however, that advanced software engineering is much more complex and will be harder to automate than routine coding.

Autor adds that the picture may be complicated by the “elasticity” of demand for software engineering—the extent to which the market might accommodate additional engineering jobs.

“If demand for software were like demand for colonoscopies, no improvement in speed or reduction in costs would create a mad rush for the proctologist's office,” Autor says. “But if demand for software is like demand for taxi services, then we may see an Uber effect on coding: more people writing more code at lower prices, and lower wages.”

Yegge’s experience shows that perspectives are evolving. A prolific blogger as well as coder, Yegge was previously doubtful that AI would help produce much code. Today, he has been vibe-pilled, writing a book called Vibe Coding with another experienced developer, Gene Kim, that lays out the potential and the pitfalls of the approach. Yegge became convinced that AI would revolutionize software development last December, and he has led a push to develop AI coding tools at his company, Sourcegraph.

“This is how all programming will be conducted by the end of this year,” Yegge predicts. “And if you're not doing it, you're just walking in a race.”

The Vibe-Coding Divide

Today, coding message boards are full of examples of mobile apps, commercial websites, and even multiplayer games all apparently vibe-coded into being. Experienced coders, like Yegge, can give AI tools instructions and then watch AI bring complex ideas to life.

Several AI-coding startups, including Cursor and Windsurf have ridden a wave of interest in the approach. (OpenAI is widely rumored to be in talks to acquire Windsurf).

At the same time, the obvious limitations of generative AI, including the way models confabulate and become confused, has led many seasoned programmers to see AI-assisted coding—and especially gung-ho, no-hands vibe coding—as a potentially dangerous new fad.

Martin Casado, a computer scientist and general partner at Andreessen Horowitz who sits on the board of Cursor, says the idea that AI will replace human coders is overstated. “AI is great at doing dazzling things, but not good at doing specific things,” he said.

Still, Casado has been stunned by the pace of recent progress. “I had no idea it would get this good this quick,” he says. “This is the most dramatic shift in the art of computer science since assembly was supplanted by higher-level languages.”

Ken Thompson, vice president of engineering at Anaconda, a company that provides open source code for software development, says AI adoption tends to follow a generational divide, with younger developers diving in and older ones showing more caution. For all the hype, he says many developers still do not trust AI tools because their output is unpredictable, and will vary from one day to the next, even when given the same prompt. “The nondeterministic nature of AI is too risky, too dangerous,” he explains.

Both Casado and Thompson see the vibe-coding shift as less about replacement than abstraction, mimicking the way that new languages like Python build on top of lower-level languages like C, making it easier and faster to write code. New languages have typically broadened the appeal of programming and increased the number of practitioners. AI could similarly increase the number of people capable of producing working code.

Bad Vibes

Paradoxically, the vibe-coding boom suggests that a solid grasp of coding remains as important as ever. Those dabbling in the field often report running into problems, including introducing unforeseen security issues, creating features that only simulate real functionality, accidentally running up high bills using AI tools, and ending up with broken code and no idea how to fix it.

“AI [tools] will do everything for you—including fuck up,” Yegge says. “You need to watch them carefully, like toddlers.”

The fact that AI can produce results that range from remarkably impressive to shockingly problematic may explain why developers seem so divided about the technology. WIRED surveyed programmers in March to ask how they felt about AI coding, and found that the proportion who were enthusiastic about AI tools (36 percent) was mirrored by the portion who felt skeptical (38 percent).

“Undoubtedly AI will change the way code is produced,” says Daniel Jackson, a computer scientist at MIT who is currently exploring how to integrate AI into large-scale software development. “But it wouldn't surprise me if we were in for disappointment—that the hype will pass.”

Jackson cautions that AI models are fundamentally different from the compilers that turn code written in a high-level language into a lower-level language that is more efficient for machines to use, because they don’t always follow instructions. Sometimes an AI model may take an instruction and execute better than the developer—other times it might do the task much worse.

Jackson adds that vibe coding falls down when anyone is building serious software. “There are almost no applications in which ‘mostly works’ is good enough,” he says. “As soon as you care about a piece of software, you care that it works right.”

Many software projects are complex, and changes to one section of code can cause problems elsewhere in the system. Experienced programmers are good at understanding the bigger picture, Jackson says, but “large language models can't reason their way around those kinds of dependencies.”

Jackson believes that software development might evolve with more modular codebases and fewer dependencies to accommodate AI blind spots. He expects that AI may replace some developers but will also force many more to rethink their approach and focus more on project design.

Too much reliance on AI may be “a bit of an impending disaster,” Jackson adds, because “not only will we have masses of broken code, full of security vulnerabilities, but we'll have a new generation of programmers incapable of dealing with those vulnerabilities.”

Learn to Code

Even firms that have already integrated coding tools into their software development process say the technology remains far too unreliable for wider use.

Christine Yen, CEO at Honeycomb, a company that provides technology for monitoring the performance of large software systems, says that projects that are simple or formulaic, like building component libraries, are more amenable to using AI. Even so, she says the developers at her company who use AI in their work have only increased their productivity by about 50 percent.

Yen adds that for anything requiring good judgement, where performance is important, or where the resulting code touches sensitive systems or data, “AI just frankly isn't good enough yet to be additive.”

“The hard part about building software systems isn't just writing a lot of code,” she says. “Engineers are still going to be necessary, at least today, for owning that curation, judgment, guidance and direction.”

Others suggest that a shift in the workforce is coming. “We are not seeing less demand for developers,” says Liad Elidan, CEO of Milestone, a company that helps firms measure the impact of generative AI projects. “We are seeing less demand for average or low-performing developers.”

“If I'm building a product, I could have needed 50 engineers and now maybe I only need 20 or 30,” says Naveen Rao, VP of AI at Databricks, a company that helps large businesses build their own AI systems. “That is absolutely real.”

Rao says, however, that learning to code should remain a valuable skill for some time. “It’s like saying ‘Don't teach your kid to learn math,’” he says. Understanding how to get the most out of computers is likely to remain extremely valuable, he adds.

Yegge and Kim, the veteran coders, believe that most developers can adapt to the coming wave. In their book on vibe coding, the pair recommend new strategies for software development including modular code bases, constant testing, and plenty of experimentation. Yegge says that using AI to write software is evolving into its own—slightly risky—art form. “It’s about how to do this without destroying your hard disk and draining your bank account,” he says.

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jcmarchi · 2 months ago

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UK forms AI Energy Council to align growth and sustainability goals

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/uk-forms-ai-energy-council-to-align-growth-and-sustainability-goals/

UK forms AI Energy Council to align growth and sustainability goals

The UK government has announced the first meeting of a new AI Energy Council aimed at ensuring the nation’s AI and clean energy goals work in tandem to drive economic growth.

The inaugural meeting of the council will see members agree on its core objectives, with a central focus on how the government’s mission to become a clean energy superpower can support its commitment to advancing AI and compute infrastructure.

Unveiled earlier this year as part of the government’s response to the AI Opportunities Action Plan, the council will serve as a crucial platform for bringing together expert insights on the significant energy demands associated with the AI sector.

Concerns surrounding the substantial energy requirements of AI data centres are a global challenge. The UK is proactively addressing this issue through initiatives like the establishment of new AI Growth Zones.

These zones are dedicated hubs for AI development that are strategically located in areas with access to at least 500MW of power—an amount equivalent to powering approximately two million homes. This approach is designed to attract private investment from companies looking to establish operations in Britain, ultimately generating local jobs and boosting the economy.

Peter Kyle, Secretary of State for Science, Innovation, and Technology, said: “The work of the AI Energy Council will ensure we aren’t just powering our AI needs to deliver new waves of opportunity in all parts of the country, but can do so in a way which is responsible and sustainable.

“This requires a broad range of expertise from industry and regulators as we fire up the UK’s economic engine to make it fit for the age of AI—meaning we can deliver the growth which is the beating heart of our Plan for Change.”

The Council is also expected to delve into the role of clean energy sources, including renewables and nuclear, in powering the AI revolution.

A key aspect of its work will involve advising on how to improve energy efficiency and sustainability within AI and data centre infrastructure, with specific considerations for resource usage such as water. Furthermore, the council will take proactive steps to ensure the secure adoption of AI across the UK’s critical energy network itself.

Ed Miliband, Secretary of State for Energy Security and Net Zero, commented: “We are making the UK a clean energy superpower, building the homegrown energy this country needs to protect consumers and businesses, and drive economic growth, as part of our Plan for Change.

“AI can play an important role in building a new era of clean electricity for our country and as we unlock AI’s potential, this Council will help secure a sustainable scale up to benefit businesses and communities across the UK.”

In a parallel effort to facilitate the growth of the AI sector, the UK government has been working closely with energy regulator Ofgem and the National Energy System Operator (NESO) to implement fundamental reforms to the UK’s connections process.

Subject to final sign-offs from Ofgem, these reforms could potentially unlock more than 400GW of capacity from the connection queue. This acceleration of projects is deemed vital for economic growth, particularly for the delivery of new large-scale AI data centres that require significant power infrastructure.

The newly-formed AI Energy Council comprises representatives from 14 key organisations across the energy and technology sectors, including regulators and leading companies. These members will contribute their expert insights to support the council’s work and ensure a collaborative approach to addressing the energy challenges and opportunities presented by AI.

Among the prominent organisations joining the council are EDF, Scottish Power, National Grid, technology giants Google, Microsoft, Amazon Web Services (AWS), and chip designer ARM, as well as infrastructure investment firm Brookfield.

This collaborative framework, uniting the energy and technology sectors, aims to ensure seamless coordination in speeding up the connection of energy projects to the national grid. This is particularly crucial given the increasing number of technology companies announcing plans to build data centres across the UK.

Alison Kay, VP for UK and Ireland at AWS, said: “At Amazon, we’re working to meet the future energy needs of our customers, while remaining committed to powering our operations in a more sustainable way, and progressing toward our Climate Pledge commitment to become net-zero carbon by 2040.

“As the world’s largest corporate purchaser of renewable energy for the fifth year in a row, we share the government’s goal to ensure the UK has sufficient access to carbon-free energy to support its AI ambitions and to help drive economic growth.”

Jonathan Brearley, CEO of Ofgem, added: “AI will play an increasingly important role in transforming our energy system to be cleaner, more efficient, and more cost-effective for consumers, but only if used in a fair, secure, sustainable, and safe way.

“Working alongside other members of this Council, Ofgem will ensure AI implementation puts consumer interests first – from customer service to infrastructure planning and operation – so that everyone feels the benefits of this technological innovation in energy.”

This initiative aligns with the government’s Clean Power Action Plan, which focuses on connecting more homegrown clean power to the grid by building essential infrastructure and prioritising projects needed for 2030. The aim is to clear the grid connection queue, enabling crucial infrastructure projects – from housing to gigafactories and data centres – to gain access to the grid, thereby unlocking billions in investment and fostering economic growth.

Furthermore, the government is streamlining planning approvals to significantly reduce the time it takes for infrastructure projects to get off the ground. This accelerated process will ensure that AI innovators can readily access cutting-edge infrastructure and the necessary power to drive forward the next wave of AI advancements.

(Photo by Vlad Hilitanu)

See also: Tony Blair Institute AI copyright report sparks backlash

Want to learn more about AI and big data from industry leaders? Check out AI & Big Data Expo taking place in Amsterdam, California, and London. The comprehensive event is co-located with other leading events including Intelligent Automation Conference, BlockX, Digital Transformation Week, and Cyber Security & Cloud Expo. Explore other upcoming enterprise technology events and webinars powered by TechForge here.

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techjour · 4 months ago

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gouravsapra · 11 months ago

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inthevoidzone · 6 months ago

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okay so I'm just now FINALLY watching the ONLY trek I've never seen a single episode of and don't know many characters from -- Enterprise. Here is an exhaustive list of things I knew about Enterprise before starting it: - Captain Archer is a guy - T'Pol is a Vulcan - It's post Star Fleet but pre Federation - 9/11 That's it. So now that I'm a couple episodes in, here are some off the cuff observations of the only Star Trek I don't already know: Love the lo-fi tech stuff! When some basic, classic Trek tech doesn't work right. The way the med bay feels like a abattoir. The ship doesn't even have shields. Three tries at firing a photon torpedo and all three failed. Brilliant. Giving Archer that beagle was the best call ever, because he's kind of a dick but then he picks up that tiny dog and I am just filled with patience for him. No one who loves a dog that tiny can actually be a POS. I turned to my wife at the start of episode 4 to shake my head and sigh that I kinda hated Trip Tucker, only for him to spend the entire episode trembling and sweating and shouting and tripping balls. Then spend the first half of the episode after THAT... trembling and sweating and crying and tripping balls, before coming down and immediately getting pregnant. So okay, Trip Tucker, you know what? You can stay if this is what they're write for you. T'Pol is a Vulcan! I haven't much to say about her but I do have stuff to say about the Vulcans. Mostly that I imagined this show would be about how the humans need to grow to catch up to the Vulcans, and instead it's more about how they need each other to challenge their ideas and grow. I like that. There's a certain irony inherent to a prequel imo and here a lot of the good stuff comes from knowing that these judgey space guys who think each other are weird and gross end up becoming BFFs who found the ultimate BFF club. My wife says that this doctor is a Tuvix of Neelix and the Doctor. She was correct and also I love her for talking VOY to me.

I really like Hoshi so far, and I've gotten some really interesting conversations/thoughts about the role of the comms officer on the bridge of a starship and how interesting the surrounding history is. Hoshi is one of the most crucial members of the ENT crew, but in 200 years, her job will be so automated by the Universal Translator that fuckin Worf will do most of it. Not entirely -- those duties are actually spread between Captains, counselors, ops, and security, but it's definitely different! It's interesting seeing Hoshi build the UT. Does she know it'll eventually replace linguistics? How would she feel about that? Or how would Uhura feel about it, for that matter?? That generic british white guy who is the security chief sure is a security chief, isn't he?? Got me thinking about the inherent conservatism of the security chief, how the security chief tends to be the least 'evolved' person on a starship capable of seeing the least nuance. Maybe that type of person is cool if they're tempered and not in charge? Maybe a tiny little dose of fascism is good because order can be good??? God I fear a Captain who came up through security tho! Also, they tend to be some of my faves lol... Odo, La'an, Tuvok... sigh. They're always there stubbornly advising we shoot it and then learning you don't always have to shoot it. I have definitely noticed these guys seem a lot more flawed than the VOY or TNG crew -- more than DS9 too, I guess. Like, less likeable? But I think it's on purpose. T'Pol and Archer and Trip are all kind of awful to each other. Hoshi is scared shitless. British White Guy seems like a real dick. I think it works for me because I honestly just like unlikeable characters lol, but I hope it's in service of GROWTH. It excites me to imagine them coming to see how they're wrong. It excites me to imagine these NASA ass motherfuckers becoming the Federation. I hope I get to see it, and the coming 9/11 doesn't completely derail these arcs and the show doesn't become 24.

#star trek enterprise #long post

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softweb-solutions · 1 year ago

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selfless-solipsist · 5 months ago

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°˖✧ The Fuzzy Plague ✧˖° [Wander]

「 ✦ "IT'S HAPPENING! THE FUZZY PLAGUE IS UPON US! HE MULTIPLIED!" ✦ 」

╰┈➤ Wander x Female Reader ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

> Sorry, another Wander one > I'll write one for Hater next, or Sylvia, or maybe... the Black Cube of Darkness? Could be fun!

The chaotic tapestry of your villainous conquest unfurled much as one might expect—a cacophony of terrified screams, imploding empires, and you, standing smugly in the center of it all, arms crossed, radiating the kind of confidence usually reserved for CEOs and smug cats who' have knocked something breakable off the counter. Your name was whispered in fear across galaxies. And yet, somehow, amidst the chaos, one cheerful orange nomad inserted himself into your narrative like a glittery sticker slapped on a death warrant.

You knew of him, of course. Lord Hater couldn't shut up about the "fuzzy menace." He had whined for hours about how this "happy little pest" undid his schemes with banjo solos and kindness, a combo that made the skeleton overlord gag on principle. So, when Wander showed up in your path, all sunshine and twang, you weren't surprised—annoyed, maybe, like finding glitter on everything you owned after a party, but not surprised.

What was surprising was Wander's immediate infatuation.

He crushed on you harder than a black hole on a diet, declaring his love with all the subtlety of a space station explosion. He didn't just flirt—he gushed. Compliments rolled out of him like a malfunctioning praise generator, punctuated by banjo strums and the occasional heart-shaped object he pulled from his hat (which you're still pretty sure obeyed no known laws of physics).

"Oh golly, yer smile could light up a supernova!" he would chirp, wide-eyed and utterly shameless.

At first, you dismissed him, treating his antics with the same nonchalance you reserved for incompetent henchmen and automated customer service lines. But Wander didn't get discouraged. No, he was like a sugar-fueled boomerang—you threw him away, and he came right back, grinning wider and wearing some new ridiculous costume.

But somewhere along the line—perhaps in a moment of weakness, or perhaps because he serenaded you mid-battle and you couldn't stop laughing—you fell for him. Hard.

Fast forward two years, and you were a full-blown couple. To say Lord Hater was "dismayed" was an understatement. The poor guy nearly choked on his energy drink when he found out, muttering something about "betrayal by association." Not that you cared. You and Wander had a good thing going—and, to be fair, a very good thing in bed. Wander, as it turned out, was as enthusiastic and tireless in intimacy as he was in everything else. He learned quickly, too, becoming startlingly dominant when he wanted to be. The fact that reproduction between your species wasn't a possibility meant you both threw caution to the solar wind. And oh, did he make the most of it.

Which brings us to the moment that defied logic, reason, and probably a few intergalactic laws:

Childbirth. Yes.

Your labor was an experience that no amount of villainous bravado could prepare you for. Wander, of course, insisted on helping. "Helping" was his thing, after all. He appeared by your side wearing a surgical mask and rubber gloves he had yanked from his hat, ready to assist with the kind of optimism that made you want to punch him and kiss him at the same time.

"No," you rasped between contractions. "You are not playing doctor right now."

"Aw shucks, sugarplum, I just wanna—"

"No! Sit. Stay. Be cheerful from over there."

Eventually, you delivered a baby boy—a fuzzy, orange bundle of joy who looked exactly like your significant other, right down to the impossibly wide grin. The only thing he got from you was your eye color, which, frankly, you considered a win. The kid didn't even have your species' physiology—Wander's genes apparently steamrolled yours like a hyperactive toddler with a tank. And parenthood turned Wander into something you could only describe as hilariously domestic. He swapped his usual hat for a pink apron that read, Kiss the Fuzzball, and became a one-man safety patrol, constantly swooping in to rescue your son from death rays and tripwires.

"Careful, lil' buddy!" he would chirp, whisking the kid away from certain doom like a cheerful tornado. "Daddy doesn't want ya gettin' vaporized!"

And you? You were still a villainess, still conquering galaxies, but now with an extra dose of chaos in your life. Wander cheered you on (and foiled your plans because that was basically a tradition at this point), your son tagged along with unshakable glee, and together, you were a family—a bizarre, mismatched, impossibly happy family.

Much to Lord Hater's eternal despair.

Which brings us to a very eventful day.

The Skullship corridors echoed with screams that could curdle milk and scare ghosts into therapy. The most feared villain in the galaxy—or at least the one who yelled about it the loudest—was currently sprinting through the hallways like a cat being chased by a vacuum cleaner. Behind him was his worst nightmare, giggling with toddler glee: your three-year-old son, who had inherited all of Wander's unshakable optimism, chaotic energy, and the inexplicable ability to make people simultaneously adore and fear him.

The little fuzzball thundered after Hater on stubby legs, his tangerine fluff bouncing with each step. "Unca Hay-Hay!" your son squealed, arms outstretched. "HUG!"

"HUG?!" The unfortunate victim screeched, his voice cracking so high it shattered a nearby Watchdog's confidence. He grabbed the hapless minion like he was a makeshift shield and shook him violently. "Do you hear that?! He wants to hug me! IT'S A TRAP! HE'S SMALLER BUT SMARTER!"

The soldier, whose name you vaguely remembered as something like Jerry or Gary or Larry, blinked at his boss in wide-eyed terror. "Uh, s-sir—"

"DON'T 'SIR' ME!" Hater yelled, tossing the poor guy like a frisbee at your son, who immediately caught him in an exuberant hug.

"IT'S HAPPENING! THE FUZZY PLAGUE IS UPON US! HE MULTIPLIED!"

From your vantage point on the observation deck—where you lounged with a smoothie in one hand and Sylvia cackling at your side on a plush couch—the scene down below, and behind the windows showing the hallways, was like watching a nature documentary where the apex predator realizes it's actually prey. "This is better than the time I rigged his cloak with confetti cannons," you mused, taking a sip.

"Hay-Hay, no run!" your son chirped, waddling faster, his high-pitched giggles echoing like the unholy spawn of joy and chaos. "HUG! HUG, HUG!"

"NOOOO!" Hater screeched, skidding around a corner with the grace of a giraffe on roller skates. He hurled a chair, a potted plant, and, inexplicably, a toaster in your son's direction. None of them hit. Your toddler caught the toaster mid-air, looked at it with delight, and yelled, "TOASTY!"

Sylvia wheezed beside you, clutching her stomach. "This is gold. I'm so glad I came along for this."

Wander jogged along behind the chaos, cheerful as ever, calling out with his arms open. "Aw, Hater, don't be like that! I've got hugs for you too, buddy!"

The skeleton whipped around mid-sprint, nearly tripping over his own feet. "NO, YOU STAY AWAY TOO! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU MULTIPLIED!" He grabbed another random Watchdog, this one slightly taller (which was an achievement) and clearly rethinking all his life choices, and shook him so hard his helmet rattled. "TELL HIM TO STOP MULTIPLYING!"

The poor guy, who looked like he would rather face a black hole than this situation, stammered, "S-sir, I don't think that's how multiplication works—"

"YOU'RE FIRED!" Hater bellowed, throwing the man at Wander like a meat shield. The fuzzball caught him, set him gently on the ground, and gave him a pat on the head.

"There ya go, little buddy. Remember, hugs make everything better!"

From the look on the Watchdog's face, he might have preferred being thrown into a sun.

Meanwhile, your son squealed with delight and started climbing a pile of discarded chairs Hater had used to barricade a hallway. You leaned back in your seat, drink in hand, and grinned at your friend. "I give five minutes before it gets worse."

She snorted. "Nah, I'm betting three. Look at them—this is already horribly good."

Hater had just rounded another corner, sweating enough to fill a small kiddie pool, when the unthinkable happened. Your little bundle of joy stopped chasing him, pausing mid-waddle to tilt his head at something shiny on the floor—a stray blaster that one of the Watchdogs had carelessly dropped in their frantic escape. Your son's wide, sparkly eyes lit up like a supernova on steroids. "Ooooooooh..." he cooed, toddling over to pick up the weapon with both hands, wobbling under its weight. Don't do such things at home folks.

"Oh no, no, no, no, NO!" The skeleton screeched, his voice shooting up an octave like a squeaky door hinge. He slapped his bony hands against his skull, vibrating with panic. "HE'S GOT A WEAPON! A WANDER WITH A WEAPON! THIS IS THE END! THIS IS HOW I DIE AND I'M ALREADY DEAD!"

Wander, who had been jogging merrily along, froze mid-step. His grin faltered, and his pupils shrank into tiny pinpricks of dread. "Oh golly, little buddy," he said, voice trembling as he held his hands out in a gesture of calm. "That's, uh, not a toy, sunshine. Let's just—how about Daddy takes that, huh?"

Your son, completely ignoring him like any good Wander clone would, turned the blaster over in his little fuzzy hands, giggling. "BOOM!" he announced, clearly thrilled by his newfound discovery.

Hater hit the ground in full-on fetal position, rocking back and forth like a malfunctioning chair. "WE'RE ALL DOOMED! THIS IS IT! THE FUZZBALLS ARE TAKING OVER THE UNIVERSE!"

You, still lounging on the observation deck with Sylvia, snorted into your smoothie. "He acts like this is new information. Wander's been slowly dismantling his sanity for years."

She nodded, wiping a tear from her eye. "This just speeds up the process. Look, the kid's aiming now."

Sure enough, your son had hefted the blaster up, pointing it in random directions while making pew-pew noises. The weapon whirred ominously, charged up by the universe's most oblivious toddler. Wander started flapping his arms like a panicked bird. "Sweet pea, no! That's not for playtime! We use our words, remember? Not energy blasts!"

"Pew-pew!" your son cheered, the blaster glowing brighter.

Before the situation could get any more ridiculous, Commander Peepers stormed into the hallway, his clipboard tucked under one arm and a scowl carved so deep into his face (eye) you were surprised it didn't crack his helmet. "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" he barked, glaring at Hater's crumpled form. "Sir, why are you curled up like a damp noodle?!"

Hater peeked up, his eyes wild with terror. "P-Peepers! Save me! HE'S GOT A BLASTER! HE'S GONNA TAKE MY THRONE AND MY SANITY!"

The second-in-command sighed the way a stressed-out parent sighs after discovering someone left glitter in the washing machine. "Sir, no one wants your throne. Or your sanity. And why does a child have a—"

PEW!

Before Peepers could finish, your son turned the blaster toward him with the precision of someone who clearly didn't understand physics. The weapon fired a glowing pulse of energy that zipped across the room like a caffeinated bee and knocked Peepers' helmet clean off his head. The clatter of the object hitting the floor was drowned out by Peepers and Hater letting out identical high-pitched screams. The smaller alien instinctively lunged for his friend, grabbing onto his cloak in a panic, while Hater grabbed him back, their shared terror morphing into what could only be described as a screaming hug.

"HE SHOT MY HELMET OFF!" Peepers wailed, clinging to Hater like a life raft in a stormy sea.

"I TOLD YOU THEY'RE TAKING OVER!" The skeleton yelled, shaking him violently. "IT'S THE FUZZBALL APOCALYPSE!"

Meanwhile, Wander crouched down to your son's level, his smile strained and his voice trembling with a mix of panic and forced cheer. "Okay, buddy, let's put the scary zap-zap thing down now, huh? Maybe Daddy can trade you for... uh..." He fished desperately in his hat, pulling out a stuffed unicorn, a lollipop, and what looked like a live raccoon. "One of these?"

Your son considered the lollipop for a moment before pointing the blaster at the wild animal. "Pew!" he squealed.

Your partner's eyes widened as the raccoon leapt into his face, screeching. "Gah! Okay, plan B! Plan B!"

From your comfy seat, you tipped your smoothie toward your female companion in mock salute. "Three minutes exactly. You called it."

Sylvia wheezed with laughter. "This is better than watching gladiator fights."

"IT'S HAPPENING!" Hater screamed, now fully unhinged, like a man who had just discovered the universe was actually made of cheese. "THE FUZZBALLS HAVE INFILTRATED EVERYTHING! THEY'RE EVOLVING! THEY'RE GONNA TAKE OVER THE GALAXY, ONE HUG AT A TIME!"

Peepers was still clinging to him, his helmet off and his eye darting around like a squirrel caught in a tornado. "Sir, you're not making any sense! We've already been through this!"

"Oh, but you don't get it, Peepers!" He screeched, hopping to his feet and grabbing a piece of chalk with urgency—he ran to a chalkboard that, somehow, had appeared out of nowhere. With frenzied, twitchy hands, he began scribbling on the board, drawing a series of stick figures that looked like they had been designed by a toddler after a sugar binge.

You squinted at the chalkboard from above. "What... is that?"

Sylvia leaned in for a closer look, nearly choking on her own laughter. "That's supposed to be your kid, isn't it? I mean, I can barely tell, but I think that's what Hater's brain thinks the future looks like. Either that, or the apocalypse mixed with a preschool art class."

Indeed, the skeleton overlord had somehow managed to combine stick figures, scribbles of what appeared to be spaceships, and a variety of nonsensical arrows pointing in every direction—complete with random drawings of socks for reasons nobody could fathom. "See!" He shouted, pointing wildly at the absurd doodles. "THIS IS THE GALACTIC BLUEPRINT FOR DOOM!"

Wander, who was standing awkwardly beside your son, who was still blissfully unaware that he had just nearly destroyed two of the most fearsome beings in the galaxy, started to panic in his own way. "Well, hey now, Hater, it's not so bad!" He chirped, his voice a little too high-pitched as he gave his signature grin, though it faltered ever so slightly. "We can always look at this like an opportunity, right? I mean, uh, yeah, the whole 'destroy everything' thing doesn't sound great, but hey, maybe we could, like, offer hugs as an alternative? Or—ooh, or how about a game of, uh, musical chairs? That could totally lighten the mood! What do you think, buddy?"

He tried offering your son an overly cheery smile, but your child was too busy aiming the blaster at the ground, making it pop with tiny bursts of energy that sent a few Watchdogs diving for cover.

The helper turned to Hater with a sheepish grin. "See? A little positivity goes a long way!"

But the victim, now scribbling even harder on the chalkboard, was not convinced. "DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND THE GRAVITY OF THE SITUATION?!? THIS IS A DOOMSCAPE. A FURRY PANDEMIC! WE'RE ALL DOOMED!" He picked up a piece of chalk and furiously drew a picture of Wander in his signature green hat, with a gigantic smile that was almost the size of his head. Then, he drew your son next to him, only your son had a speech bubble that read, "HUG!"

Wander glanced over and smiled at the picture, his eyes wide. "Aw, now that's the spirit! See, Hater? Hugging is the answer to everything!" He gave Peepers a light pat on the shoulder, his face glowing like he had just unlocked the secret of the universe. "We're just a big happy family, that's all. The universe does need more hugs! And a few more triple pickle cream pies..."

"YES! I KNOW!" Hater shrieked, his hands shaking as he grabbed a Watchdog by the collar and held him up like a human flagpole. "IT'S A CONSPIRACY! A WANDER-FAMILY CLONE ARMY! THEY'RE GOING TO OVERWHELM US WITH POSITIVITY UNTIL WE'RE ALL FORCED TO HUG OUR ENEMIES!" He then started writing "+ HUG" on the chalkboard in big, shaky letters, as if the concept itself was some kind of dangerous weapon.

Sylvia wiped a tear from her eye, still snickering. "I can't take this. This is like watching a madman unravel himself. It's glorious."

You chuckled, taking another sip of your smoothie. "I'd say this is peak entertainment."

As you leaned back, enjoying the view of the absolute madness below, Wander continued to try and calm the situation. But your son? He was having the time of his life, running around, letting the blaster pew-pew all over the place like it was just another toy—completely unaware of the panic he had caused. And through all of this? You just sat back, watching as your baby, your fiancé, and the most fearful villain in the galaxy had a collective meltdown. But soon, the pandemonium had escalated to a level even the Skullship's most battle-hardened Watchdogs hadn't prepared for. Every corner of the ship seemed to reverberate with screams, blaster fire, and the distinct sound of Hater's mind crumbling like a stale cookie.

Your son, still blissfully unaware of the havoc he was causing, was playing his own little game of "pretend I'm a weapon of mass destruction," running after the soldiers like a little fuzzy whirlwind of doom, shouting "HUG!" with every step.

Wander, despite his best efforts to maintain his usual cheery disposition, was starting to crack. His smile was now a strained, twitchy thing, like he was trying to hold back a laugh during a funeral. "Aw, golly, buddy, that's not how we play with—whoa, okay, stop!" Your son aimed the blaster right at a shelf of vases, and they exploded in a shower of ceramic. His dad gasped, hands flying to his face in pure shock. "Oh no! Oh no, no, no, buddy, we can't do—"

Then, just when it seemed like things couldn't get worse, Lord Hater snapped. His eyes were wide with a mix of sheer terror and utter madness. Grabbing a nearby Watchdog by the collar (yes, again), he shook him like a ragdoll, his voice rising to a pitch only dogs could hear. "FOOLS! YOU FOOLS! WHY DIDN'T YOU SEE THIS COMING?!? WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME THAT A FURRY PLAGUE WAS BREWING RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE?!?"

The poor Watchdog, whose name you didn't bother remembering because he was destined to be scarred for life, stammered, "S-s-sir, we—"

"SIR?!" He bellowed, throwing him aside like a piece of trash. "I AM LORD HATER! THE LORD HATER!" He spun around, hands flying in all directions like an over-caffeinated windmill. "AND THIS IS MY SHIP! MY SHIP, WHICH IS NOW INFESTED WITH CHILDREN WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE SACRED RULE OF NOT DESTROYING EVERYTHING!" He whipped his head around, now zeroing in on you and Wander like you were the masterminds of a worldwide conspiracy to ruin his life. "I blame you two! This is your fault! YOU HAD A KID! YOU MULTIPLIED AND NOW LOOK WHAT WE HAVE! A MINI-WANDER WITH A DEATH RAY!"

Wander, still desperately trying to remain optimistic, grabbed your son by the arms and attempted to drag him away from the wreckage. "Okay, buddy, let's... let's go play with some soft, squishy things, huh? Maybe a pillow fort? Or—OOOH, a game of 'hide-and-seek' in the engine room? How about that?"

Your son, not even listening, turned back to Hater and shot another blast at him. This one grazed his shoulder and he flinched like he had been shot by a cannon.

"GAAAAHHH!" he screamed. "IT BURNS! IT BURNS LIKE A THOUSAND SUNS!"

At this point, Hater was no longer even trying to make sense. He grabbed another Watchdog by the leg and lifted him into the air like he was some kind of new weapon of mass destruction. "YOU FOOLS! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! YOU NEVER UNDERSTAND!"

The Watchdog, now dangling like a ragdoll, weakly squeaked, "Sir, I—"

"No! NO MORE EXCUSES!" Hater shrieked. "I WILL NOT BE TAKEN DOWN BY A WANDER CLONE BABY!" He threw the man across the room like he was a beanbag, and then, to everyone's surprise, he stopped. A long, dramatic pause filled the room, as if Hater had suddenly come to a profound realization. He turned toward Peepers, whose eye was wide with terror, and grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him. "PEEPERS! THIS IS IT! THE END OF THE LINE! THE FUZZBALLS WILL KILL US ALL! IF THESE ARE MY LAST WORDS—" He choked, his eyes wide with the gravity of the moment.

Peepers blinked, confused but oddly compassionate and hopeful. "Sir, I don't—"

"I REGRET... I REGRET NOT FINISHING THAT LEVEL IN THAT VIDEO GAME!" Hater wailed dramatically, clutching his second-in-command like he was the last person on Earth. "I COULD HAVE BEATEN IT! I WAS SO CLOSE! BUT NOW I'M GOING TO DIE, AND I'LL NEVER KNOW THE TRUE POTENTIAL OF THAT GAME! WHY? WHY DID I GET DISTRACTED BY A WANDER CLONE BABY?!"

...

Peepers, who was now essentially stuck in an accidental, death-grip hug with his boss, blinked in bewilderment. "That... that's what you regret?"

Hater nodded gravely. "Yes. That... and not having a better escape plan for when the WANDER CLONE BABY inevitably—"

Suddenly, a blast of energy rang out, hitting the wall right behind the two villains. Your son giggled, holding the blaster at an odd angle, aiming at anything that moved.

"PEW-PEW!"

"OH MY GOD!" Hater screamed in terror, as if this blaster-wielding toddler was the most terrifying thing in the universe. "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! THIS IS MY LEGACY! I WILL BE REMEMBERED AS THE ONE WHO WAS KILLED BY A WANDER CLONE BABY AND A WANDER!" And just like that, he grabbed his right hand man again, holding him tightly as if he was some kind of bulletproof vest. "IF THESE ARE MY LAST WORDS—"

"WE'VE ALREADY GONE OVER THIS!" Peepers shouted, attempting to wriggle free. "STOP CLINGING TO ME!"

But it was no use. Hater was convinced that the fuzzball plague had officially won. And as the blaster shots continued to explode around them like fireworks, the two of them stood there, locked in a bizarre hug—screaming for their lives, like it was a very messed-up version of the last scene in a disaster movie. Meanwhile, your son was enthusiastically toddling after a fleeing Watchdog, the weapon still clutched in his tiny hands like it was his new favorite toy. "Shiny!" he chirped, zapping a nearby panel, which promptly exploded in a shower of sparks. The Watchdog dove behind a crate, shaking so hard his helmet rattled.

Sylvia, reclining next to you with her boots kicked up on the railing, snorted. "This is the best entertainment I've had in years. The universe finally hit Wander with a taste of his own medicine."

You swirled your drink lazily, the smug grin on your face only widening as the mayhem unfolded. "You know, for someone who preaches peace and love, he sure knows how to inspire pure terror. Look at Hater; he's practically molting."

She wiped a tear from her eye once more. "I didn't think anything could make Peepers scream like that. Guess your kid's got some real talent."

Before you could reply, a frantic voice rang out from below. "Sweetheart! Sweetie pie! Love of my life, HELP!"

You leaned forward just in time to see Wander darting up the stairs on the side of the observation deck, his hat bouncing with every step. His wide, pleading eyes met yours, and you could practically see the desperation radiating off him in waves. It was rich—so rich. This was the same fuzzball who had ruined your schemes more times than you could count, and now he wanted your help?

"Isn't this your thing?" you called, waving a hand. "You're Mr. Helper! Go help!"

"Sugarplum, I can't—he's got a blaster!" He yelped, skidding to a stop below you. "And—and he's just like you! He doesn't listen, he's fearless, and he's got no concept of personal safety!" His voice cracked with pure, unfiltered panic. "I can't keep up! He's too much! Please!"

Before you could fully process what was happening, Wander grabbed you. Correction: lifted you—over his head, like you weighed nothing more than a bag of potatoes. It was comical, absurd, and impressive all at once, considering he barely came up to your chest. His tangerine arms wobbled only slightly as he carried you down the stairs with the determination of a dad who had finally met his match.

"Wander, put me down!" you demanded, though you were laughing too hard to sound serious.

"Not until you help!" Wander insisted, his voice wobbling as he avoided another random zap from the blaster your son was gleefully firing at anything that moved. "This is an emergency! A catastrophe! A—whoa, watch out, lil' buddy!"

Your son had managed to dislodge a section of piping from the wall, which clattered to the floor with a metallic clang. He looked at it with the same wide-eyed wonder he had given the blaster. "BOOM-STICK!" he declared, brandishing it like a sword.

"NO!" His dad wailed, spinning in place with you still above his head. "NO BOOM-STICKS! BOOM-STICKS ARE BAD!"

Sylvia, now doubled over on the observation deck, wheezed, "Oh, this is better than my birthday."

You, meanwhile, decided to enjoy the ride. "Wow, you really are strong," you teased, propping your chin on one hand as Wander darted around. "Guess that explains why I always end up pinned in—"

"Sweetheart, NOT THE TIME!" Your husband-to-be yelped, nearly dropping you in embarrassment. He set you down in the middle of the chaos and grabbed your hands. "Please, darlin', you're the only one who can stop him! He takes after you!"

With that you glanced at your son, who was now trying to balance the blaster on his head like some kind of weaponized hat, and grinned. "You're not wrong. He's got my style."

"Yeah, and your complete disregard for common sense!" He tugged at your sleeve like a kid begging for candy. "Please, honeybun! He'll listen to you! Probably!"

You crossed your arms, tapping your chin like you were seriously considering his request. "Hmm. I don't know. This is kind of karma, don't you think? You ruined my plans for years. Maybe I should sit back and let this play out..."

"WHAT?!" Wander looked at you like you had suggested eating kittens for breakfast. "Sugarplum, please! It's our little angel!"

Your son giggled, waving his new weapon triumphantly. "BOOM!" He pressed a random button on the blaster, and a nearby wall panel exploded in a dramatic shower of sparks.

Hater's scream could probably be heard in another galaxy.

"Okay, okay," you relented, stifling a laugh as you marched toward your tiny agent of chaos. "Let's see what we can do before he blows up the ship."

"THANK YOU!" Wander called after you, dropping to his knees in exaggerated relief. "Thank you, sweetie pie! You're my hero!"

You rolled your eyes but smirked, ready to wrangle your little mini-me into some semblance of order. And as you approached your giggling little chaos gremlin, a plan began to form in your villainous mind. You had dealt with Wander enough to know his weaknesses—both of them. And if genetics had truly cursed your son with all of your partner's quirks, there was one foolproof method to tame the beast. Sliding a hand into your pocket, you fished out your secret weapon: a laser pointer. It was sleek, compact, and your absolute favorite tool for handling Wander-level chaos. Why? Because the fuzzball was irresistibly drawn to laser dots like a cat hopped up on caffeine.

“Oh no,” Sylvia wheezed from her perch on the observation deck. “You’re not… You wouldn’t—”

“Oh, I would,” you said smugly, holding up the laser pointer with a flourish. “Watch and learn, Sylvia. This is how a true villainess wrangles the fuzzy plague.”

You clicked the button, and a bright red dot appeared on the floor, flickering back and forth like a tiny, dancing star. Your son’s eyes widened instantly, his tiny body freezing mid-waddle as if he had just spotted the Holy Grail. His grip on the blaster slackened, and it dropped to the floor with a metallic clatter. “Dot!” he screeched, dropping the other object entirely and pouncing at the laser like his life depended on it. His little legs scrambled as he chased the dot across the floor, giggling uncontrollably every time it darted out of reach.

Wander, standing nearby, gasped in awe, clutching his chest like he had just witnessed the birth of a galaxy. “Oh my stars… He’s just like me!” His voice cracked with an overwhelming mix of pride, disbelief, and something that sounded suspiciously like he was about to cry. “He even pounces the same way! Look at him go! Oh, sugarplum, this is—this is beautiful! It’s… it’s a family tradition!”

“Yeah,” Sylvia drawled, leaning over the railing with an amused grin, “a family tradition of being ridiculous.”

Wander didn’t even hear her. He was too mesmerized by his son’s laser-fueled antics. That is, until the dot slid a little too close to his own feet. His eyes locked onto it, his pupils dilated, and for a moment, all higher reasoning left his mind.

“Wander, don’t—” you started.

Too late.

With a little yelp, your partner dove for the laser dot like an overexcited kitten, tumbling to the floor and scrambling after it on all fours. “I got it! I got it—wait, no! Come back here, you slippery little rascal!”

The zbornak burst out laughing, nearly falling off the railing. “This is better than every soap opera I’ve ever watched combined.”

“Control is key,” you said with a wicked grin, flicking the dot around in erratic patterns that had both your son and your fiancé scrambling in dizzying circles. The resemblance between the two was uncanny—and downright hilarious.

Hater, still clutching Peepers for dear life, gawked at the scene with wide, horrified eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” he muttered, his voice trembling. “They’re both like this?! BOTH OF THEM?!” But you only smirked, aiming the laser pointer upward, and flicked it right onto Hater’s forehead. The red dot landed square between his lightning bolt-shaped horns. “NO!” he screeched, swatting at his face like it was infested with bees. “GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF ME!”

Wander and your son froze mid-pounce, their eyes snapping up to the dot like they were programmed. For a split second, there was silence—a moment of shared understanding between father and son.

And then they both lunged for the skeleton overlord.

“AHHHH!” He screamed, his voice cracking into a terrified wail as he turned tail and bolted, dragging Peepers along with him like a human shield. “YOU’RE ALL INSANE! THIS ISN’T A FAMILY—IT’S A FUZZBALL INVASION!”

Peepers, flailing in his grasp, groaned. “Sir, put me down! This is humiliating!”

“You think I care?!” Hater shrieked, skidding around a corner with Wander and your son hot on his heels. “I’M THE VICTIM HERE! I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS!”

And so, the chaos continued, with Hater screaming nonsense, Wander and your son fighting for the dot, and you standing triumphantly in the middle of it all. The galaxy’s most feared villainess—and, apparently, the galaxy’s greatest wrangler of fuzzy chaos. But then, you decided to drop the biggest bombshell of the day. Watching the whole charade was entertaining, sure, but you had an ace up your sleeve—one that you just knew would throw the chaos into overdrive.

“Wander!” you called out, your voice carrying the kind of dramatic flair usually reserved for soap operas.

“Y-yeah, sugarplum?” he asked, trying to untangle himself from your son, who was currently using his father’s hat as a chew toy.

“I’m pregnant again.”

Time. Stopped.

Wander froze mid-struggle, his head snapping toward you with the kind of wide-eyed look that could only be described as pure, unfiltered disbelief. Your son took advantage of his distraction to tackle him to the floor, but he didn’t even seem to notice. “WHAT?!” His voice cracked so hard it could have shattered a window. He scrambled to his feet, almost tripping over his own legs in his rush to reach you. “You’re—? Again? Really?!” His face lit up with a mixture of awe and panic, his hat now dangling off. “Oh golly, sugarplum, are you serious?!”

You crossed your arms, the smuggest of grins plastered across your face. “Do I look like I’m joking?”

He practically vibrated with excitement, hugging you tightly as if you were the only thing keeping him from exploding into a shower of glitter. “Oh my stars! We’re gonna have another one?! Oh golly, oh golly, oh golly—” He suddenly froze, his expression shifting from joy to terror.

“Wait, we’re gonna have another one.”

Oh Grop.

Hater, who had been hugging Peepers and screaming nonsense about his legacy, abruptly stopped mid-shriek. His glowing green eyes widened in horror as the realization hit him like a truck. “YOU’RE WHAT?!” he bellowed, his voice echoing through the spaceship. “THERE’S GONNA BE TWO OF THEM?!”

The small Watchdog, who had been doing his best to pry himself free, let out a resigned groan. “Sir, please don’t—”

“THAT'S HORRIBLE NEWS!” The skeleton wailed, releasing Peepers to grab another chalkboard out of nowhere. He began scribbling furiously, this time drawing two stick figures with scribbly orange heads. “TWO! TWO FUZZBALLS! DOUBLE THE HUGGING! DOUBLE THE CHAOS! WE WON’T SURVIVE THIS!”

Wander, meanwhile, had gone full spiral. He dropped to his knees at your feet, clutching your hands like a man possessed. “Oh golly, darlin', I promise I’ll be the best dad! I’ll knit booties for both of ‘em! I’ll make matching hats! I’ll—oh no, what if they both want the same toy? Or what if they team up and we can’t handle it? Or—”

“Honey, breathe,” you interrupted, patting his head like he was a hyperactive puppy.

“I can’t breathe!” He exclaimed, his eyes sparkling with both excitement and existential dread. “We’re having another baby!”

Your son, blissfully unaware of the gravity of the situation, toddled over to Hater and pointed at the stick figures on the chalkboard. “THAT ME!” he declared, jabbing at one of the drawings.

The skeleton shrieked like someone had doused him in ice water. “GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU FUZZY LITTLE TERROR! YOU’RE GONNA HAVE BACKUP SOON, AREN’T YOU?! THIS IS HOW IT ENDS! I KNEW IT!”

Peepers groaned and rubbed his temples. “Why do I even bother?”

Sylvia, still lounging on the observation deck, let out a low whistle. “Well, looks like you two are gonna be really busy.” She grinned at you. “Congrats, though. You’ve officially made Hater’s life a living nightmare.”

You smirked, leaning back with your hands on your hips. “What can I say? It’s a gift.”

And as the tall villain started drawing increasingly nonsensical apocalyptic scenarios on his chalkboard, Wander alternated between crying with joy and hyperventilating, and your son continued zapping random walls (because of course he picked up the blaster again), you couldn’t help but think that life was about to get a whole lot more chaotic—and you were more than ready for it. Hater though? He had now scrawled what could only be described as a doomsday manifesto on the whiteboard. It was an incomprehensible mess of colors, shapes, and terrifying figures, all pointing to a giant, red arrow labeled:

💀 'THE FUZZBALL REVOLUTION IS COMING.' 💀

He climbed onto a nearby table—knocking over a pile of precariously stacked crates in the process—and raised his arms to the heavens like some kind of deranged prophet. “HEAR ME, GALAXY!” he bellowed, his voice echoing dramatically through the halls of the Skullship. “I WARN YOU ALL: THE FUZZBALL REVOLUTION IS COMING!”

The Watchdogs, peeking out from behind crates, corners, and each other, stared at him with wide, terrified eyes. “The what, sir?” one brave soul dared to ask.

Hater jabbed a bony finger at the nearest chalkboard, which now resembled a preschool art project on steroids. “THE FUZZBALL REVOLUTION! Look at this!” He pointed wildly at a series of stick figures labeled Wander (the worst), Wander Clone Army, Baby #1, Baby #2, and inexplicably, Larry the Rebel Watchdog. “This is the future! Hugs everywhere! Blasting everything that moves! DO YOU WANT TO LIVE IN A GALAXY WHERE EVERY DAY IS JUST... THIS?!” He gestured behind him, where your son had somehow managed to climb onto Wander’s head, using his dad as a jungle gym, while the nomad spun in circles trying to avoid getting zapped by his tiny offspring. “Do you see that?!” Hater screeched, pointing dramatically. “This is the end! The end of evil as we know it! It’s... it’s positive chaos! Nobody’s safe! Not me, not you, NOT EVEN LARRY!” He grabbed a random soldier by the shoulders and shook him violently. “Larry, listen to me! You must prepare yourself! Buy snacks, hoard helmets, stockpile as much anti-hug spray as you can find! IT WON’T BE ENOUGH, BUT DO IT ANYWAY!”

The Watchdog, who may or may not have actually been named Larry, just whimpered. “Uh, yes, sir. Whatever you say, sir.”

“And you!” Hater spun toward the imaginary audience, his skeletal face twisting into a grimace of despair. “I’m talking to YOU out there! Yes, YOU, sitting in your cozy little spaceship or whatever! Laugh now, but when the fuzzball invasion reaches YOUR doorstep, don’t say I didn’t warn you! They’re coming! They’re small, they’re fuzzy, and they have no concept of boundaries!” He threw his arms wide for emphasis.

“THEY WILL HUG YOU INTO SUBMISSION!”

...

The room fell silent, save for the faint hum of the Skullship’s engines and the occasional “pew-pew” from your son’s blaster. The skeleton stood there, panting, his dramatic ranting having taken every ounce of energy he had left.

Peepers, dusting himself off from where he had been unceremoniously dropped earlier, sighed heavily. “Sir, you need therapy.”

“THERAPY CAN’T SAVE ME!” Hater howled, collapsing into a heap of cloak and despair.

And with that, the self-proclaimed greatest villain in the galaxy curled into a ball on the table, muttering incoherently about laser pointers, hugs, and the impending doom of all evil, while you and Wander exchanged amused glances. Sylvia, still wheezing with laughter, summed it up best:

“Yup. This is why I stick around. You just can’t pay for entertainment like this.”

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