#based on a real conversation i had

[incorrectpokechampionquotes]

Iris, sick: I am Arceus' least favorite child. Alder: Okay, Arceus' Least Favorite Child, do you want some Mac ‘n’ Cheese?

[thisliminalspacedaydreams]

Jellyfishes have existential crises

"It must be nice, to just exist with no existential crises ever," James muses aloud.

"Jellyfish have existential crises."

He turns to look at Regulus brow arching in curiosity "Oh?"

"Look at this one."

"What's wrong with it?"

"It's jealous of the other."

"How can you tell?"

Regulus' face is the picture of conviction, eyes not leaving the creature. "I just know."

"You're ridiculous.”

"I'm not. Look at its tentacles. It's upset."

[incorrect-batfam-quotes-mostly]

Tim: hey! I'd be an awesome goalie

Bruce: why?

Tim: because I don't have the self preservation instincts to be afraid of soccer balls flying at my face

Bruce:

Tim: im just saying

[metalcrows]

Some people: Why would you say Garak and Bashir like each other? I hate that people make Star Trek gay nowadays...

Average Garak and Bashir scene:

[adhahyperfocusingonsomething]

Duke: “Why are French Fries called French Fries? They aren’t French.”

Jason: “Maybe your supposed to speak French when eating them”

Dick: “OR Maybe they are so hot, that when people eat them they go WEH WEH HOHN HON trying to cool their mouths.”

Duke:

Jason:

Jason: “That’s so ridiculous it’s almost funny.”

[r1ch13-tv]

[aesopsharpmybeloved]

In the Devil's Den

[aikya-kat-44]

Diomedes: wow, I wish I was as smart as you two

Penelope and Odysseus, in unison: NO YOU DON'T, YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW PEACE

[clumsypuppy]

id fumble him so bad

[cosmicseafoam]

Phantom, seeing Dew for the first time as he’s being dragged back into the Abby hissing and clawing and covered in blood.

Phantom: “was it self defence?”

Swiss: “no”

Phantom: “was it an accident?”

Swiss: “…no”

Phantom: “was he possessed?”

Swiss: “no”

Phantom: “is he single?”

Swiss: “yes!”

Aurora: “PHANTOM NO”

[kaechu1]

y/n: you know, you're being hot is the only reason people don't tell you how much of an asshole you are in your face.

antinous: you think im hot?

y/n: THAT WAS NOT THE POINT??

antinous: well, it look like it.

y/n: you're an asshole.

i can't hate him when ayron is his va

[emolionsrawr]

buck: i'm emotionally horny

tommy:.... run that by me again sweetheart?

buck: i don't know how to explain it, i'm craving, but emotions

tommy: do you mean you want a cuddle?

buck: YES!

tommy: THAT'S NOT HORNY!!

buck: i'm horny for affection baby get over here and cuddle me!

tommy: alright baby, but only if you stop calling it horny

buck: deal

[violentdelightshavevioletends]

Violet: Oh, FUCK!

Rhiannon: *quickly looks for danger* What’s wrong?!

Violet: Nothing. Sorry, I’m fine😅 I just dislocated my kneecap, but it’s all good.🙃

Rhiannon: *pales* By NO definition does that mean FINE or GOOD!

Violet: To each their own.🤷‍♀️

[im-ignoring-canon]

Annabeth: Listen, I've gotten pretty good at spotting my fellow queers.

Jason: You never guessed i was queer though.

Annabeth: Ummm...

Jason: Did you??

Annabeth: I may have thought you were gay when i met you.

Jason: WHAT???

Annabeth, looking at Leo cuddled into Jason's side: To be fair, I wasn't far off.

[sengenism]

wdym if the petrification didn't happen, modern world gen wouldn't know how to flirt with girls while senku would be ur average dude with 18+ thoughts on his mind all the time....... this is just too funny

[mx-legend-of-faye]

Wild, standing and staring at his bloody finger: Well. That’s not ideal.

Twilight: Oh cub what did you do

Wild: So I was reaching for my slate from where I set it down, right?

Twilight: That’s a normal occurrence, how does this lead to your finger being cut

Wild: Well I set it down next to my cooking supplies that I already got out for dinner tonight, the cooking supplies that includes a few knives with very sharp edges

Twilight: Ah. That explains it