#because none of them know how to grieve in normal ways

[moonagedaydreamsofrhiannon]

IN DEFENSE OF TRAVIS MARTINEZ:

Because I’m sick and tired of seeing travis hate everywhere I go.

“Travis was sexist.”

Did he spout some sexist rhetoric in the beginning of the show? Sure. But it’s important to recognize that: A) he changed, and by season 2 he completely stopped, B) he was a teenage boy in the 1990s, and that kind of rhetoric was normal at the time, C) most of his sexist macho tough guy attitude was a complete act that he likely put on to compensate for his insecurity about his own masculinity, and internalized homophobia. (More on that later.)

(Also let’s be real, Travis is basically one of the girls anyway and I’m tired of pretending he’s not.)

2. “Travis didn’t care about Javi.”

Did we watch the same show??? Granted Travis may have had trouble expressing his feelings (also related to his insecurities about masculinity, likely learned from his father, as well as growing up in a patriarchal and homophobic society), but he cared deeply about Javi. In S1E4, Travis literally DUG UP HIS DAD’S GRAVE, through horror, tears, and vomit, in order to retrieve his ring to give to Javi. When Javi disappeared, Travis kept looking for him every day for months, and never gave up, even when logically it would have seemed impossible for him to still be alive. He comforted and reassured Javi when neither of them drew the card. He cradled Javi’s dead body and ate a bite of his raw heart (which was a metaphor for how much he loved him, and a parallel to Shauna eating Jackie’s raw ear.) Maybe Travis wasn’t always there for Javi in the way he needed, but he absolutely loved him, and it’s important to remember that Travis was also a traumatized, grieving, kid who just lost his dad.

3. “Travis slut-shamed Nat.”

As we are literally shown in the show, Travis was not trying to slut shame her, he asked how many times she had done it because he was embarrassed about the fact that he was a virgin, and worried that she would judge him, or that he wouldn’t measure up because he was more inexperienced than her. When she told him she hooked up with Bobby Farleigh, he did not get mad at her because she slept with another guy (he already knew about that, and was fine with it), he got mad because she hooked up with his bully, and then lied to him about it. I don’t blame Nat for this, she didn’t know about it at the time, and didn’t want him to get mad once she found out, but I also don’t blame Travis for being hurt and embarrassed and upset with her for lying about it.

4. “Travis was just kind of a dick.”

Sure, but so were all of them. He acted like kind of a jerk in the first season. So what? Shauna had an affair with her best friend’s boyfriend, lied to her about it for months, and refused to apologize. Misty tried to drug Coach Ben. Nat faked his brother’s death to him (yeah, she was trying to help him move on, but still not cool). All of them called him “Flex” (y’know, the nickname that was used to bully him for years). None of them are perfect or nice or likable all the time, and that’s ok; that’s the whole point. They’re realistic, complex, flawed, morally gray and sometimes unlikable people. They’ve all done bad things, but nothing Travis did is worse than what anyone else on that show has done. He was a traumatized teen whose dad literally just died. Also, me personally, if everyone around me was constantly calling me the mean nickname that was used to bully me since middle school, I would also probably act like a little bit of a dick.

5. “Travis is a straight man.”

Wrong. (Also not really a valid reason to hate someone… But most importantly, just wrong.)

Travis Martinez is clearly a bisexual.

So many of his issues: the insecurity, the bullying, the macho tough guy act, the whole weird complex about his masculinity, all of it stems (at least partly) from the fact that he’s bisexual and has internalized homophobia. The whole “Flex” thing is just thinly veiled homophobia. The main reason why he got bullied is because Bobby Farleigh spread a rumor about him getting back surgery to better suck his own dick. The unsaid implication there is that he’s a man who sucks dick, which is inherently queer, even if it is his own. If you look even slightly past the most surface level interpretation, it’s pretty obvious that Travis was bullied because of homophobia. His performance of stereotypical toxic masculinity was clearly over compensation for the fact that he doesn’t fit into the box of traditional straight masculinity, and was a reaction to the bullying from his peers, abuse from his dad, and internalized homophobia from growing up in a homophobic and patriarchal society. As the show progresses he starts to unlearn that toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia, and he allows himself to be more vulnerable, emotional, and feminine, and as a result, he becomes stronger, more confident, and more respectful of the people around him.

As for Travis being a man… Is he though???

In season 1, Travis is a man (narratively speaking); there is a clear distinction between Travis/Coach Ben and the girls. However, in season 2, we see a stark shift in how Travis is depicted. The separation between Travis and the girls pretty much ceases to exist. Narratively speaking, there is no distinction made between Travis and the other girls; they are one entity—one hive mind. Instead, the emphasis is now placed on the distinction between Coach Ben and the girls/Travis. When Coach Ben watches the Yellowjackets eat Jackie in horror and disbelief, Travis is right there with them, dressed in ancient greek robes along with the rest of them. In season 2, Coach Ben is the only real Man of the group (Travis has narratively become one of the girls, and Javi is just a boy, not a man) and he is shown staying separate from the rest of the group, and growing more and more uncomfortable with the cultish dynamics, while Travis, on the other hand, becomes more and more integrated with the group, as he falls deeper and deeper into cult beliefs, until he is a full-blown devout Lottie worshipper. Of the three males on the show, he is the only one who actually participates in cannibalism with the other Yellowjackets. Also he lost his virginity to a lesbian.

Whether or not you choose to believe that Travis is transfem (I do) you cannot deny that, at least narratively speaking, Travis is literally just a girl.

6. Travis is a victim.

I don’t know why nobody in this fandom seems to acknowledge this, but Travis is a sexual assault victim and I’m tired of people constantly overlooking and ignoring that fact. In Doomcoming, the girls (excluding Jackie and Nat) chased him down, sexually assaulted him, and then tried to kill him. That’s not something that’s up for debate or denial, that is literally canon. Stop pretending it didn’t happen. Stop pretending it wasn’t assault. Stop shaming him and making fun of him for struggling with sex, or not always being able to get it up. That’s a normal trauma response after being assaulted/raped. You guys are literally proving the point. This kind of treatment from society towards masculinity and male victims is just playing into the patriarchy and toxic masculinity, and is exactly what made him act the way he did in season 1 in the first place!

[vechter]

imagining my ideal post-forever evil world where bruce is the one to inform the bats and the rest of the world that dick is dead and tim is DEVASTATED. he is immediately ready to go on an insane guilt-fuelled suicidal mission to bring dick back because he refuses to believe his first brother, the first robin, the last flying grayson is DEAD (this is the kid who believed bruce was alive based off a shitty white man portrait and pure vibes) and then there's a very public funeral where he sees bruce is not grieving the way tim knows him to, the way tim has witnessed first hand after jason AND damian- bc who is this bruce wayne who's acting sort of normal on patrol, who is very much okay existing in a world where his eldest, his beloved first-born is dead? so tim does a little bit of research (maybe he recruits kon to go bully lex luthor about the Truth of it all or maybe selina just takes pity on how pathetic n wet-cat-like tim is) and figures out dick is very much alive! and surely! it cannot be that easy??? because why would bruce and dick lie about this? so he shows up at st. hadrian's and we get some classic dick and tim shenanigans where both of them refuse to believe the other person is actually there so it's a big came of cat and mouse except they both think they're the cat and mouse simultaneously and tiger is just watching this whole thing unfold wondering why none of these superheroes can be normal for a fucking second okay- then we get a mid-fight moment where one of them is in mortal peril and they both collectively lose brain cells and any impulse control and we get a heart-wrenching reunion and dick tells him i knew you'd figure it out, bruce is an idiot for thinking he could fool you and tim, who was very much worried this is some insane cloning situation (bc lex luthor was involved so how could any of it be this simple, this easy?) launches himself at dick because of course you're alive, i couldn't possibly exist in a world where my brother is dead. anyway-

[impossiblesuitcase]

Cinder is jealous. She's jealous of her step-sisters. They have pretty clothes and soft hands and a doting mother. She has none of which. Her sister Peony is her only human friend and even seeing her in a ballgown sparks "envy" in Cinder, because Peony gets a dress and can go to the ball. Cinder can't.

She doesn't believe she could be pretty. She's too clunky, she's not curvy. She pins it down to being cyborg or just naturally inadequate. Cinder doesn't have nice clothes or fancy things. Kai gives her gloves and they are "the most beautiful thing she had ever owned." And then they are ruined, like all the pretty things in her life. She has to survive, endure, and with that she doesn't have time for prettiness.

But Kai's first impression of her is that she's "cute" and "pretty." He calls her pretty in public, and he calls her pretty in his private thoughts. "Your pretty new mechanic in the lobby", "the pretty young mechanic at the market." He finds her gorgeous with her glamour, and his "knees threatened to buckle" in her beauty. Everyone else thought she was gorgeous, but no one was swooning the way he was. The glamour had amplified the attraction he'd already had towards her.

Thorne, upon seeing a cyborg stumble into his jail cell, has the first instinct to flirt with her. Not recoil, because of her metal and skin, but flirt because she's a girl and that's his favourite pastime. And what distinguished her from the many other pretty girls he normally flirted with? To him, "her irritation made her prettier". Her disgruntled personality, who she is, is her prettiness.

Adri tells Cinder that if she can't cry, she can't feel love. She does love, she loves so much, but she doesn't have time to grieve her sister or her anonymity or her freedom when she has a revolution to start. She has to tough it out.

When she's bound up in Kai's arms she feels safe, delicate, "almost like a princess."

Cinder pretends she doesn't have a crush on Kai because having a crush on a celebrity is "preadolescent," the trademark of immature, lovesick teenage girls. How can she be girly when she's a grimy mechanic? She "doesn't know the first thing about makeup", because do you think Adri would have ever let her buy some to try? Would Cinder have even bothered, believing nothing could improve a cyborg?

She dreams of "going to the ball and dancing with the prince." And when Iko teases her, Cinder says, "we all have our weaknesses". It is a weakness to be in love, because someone like Kai couldn't love her. She imagines being at the ball, "jealous of the girls who swooned to catch Prince Kai's attention." Jealous that they can be open with their attraction, jealous that he would pick them over her.

But he loves her. And when he does, she can't process the feeling "of being desired". She wants to carve 'C + K' into a wall, then berates herself for such "whimsy." Because deep down, she's always wanted to be wanted, and that truth is her weakness. But war doesn't last forever, and soon, she has no reason to hide that. There's no reason it would be a weakness.

Cinder is comfortable in baggy cargo pants and messy hair but she also dreams of wearing a beautiful ballgown. She loves her coronation dress. She calls the empress crown 'stunning.'

She never becomes obsessed with frills or glitter, but she slowly leans into soft, pretty things. She has a necklace from Kai and her engagement ring. It's sparkly and yet, Cinder, the so-called 'tough, aloof tomboy' thinks it makes her metal hand look "elegant". Maybe she starts wearing bracelets and earrings because they don't bother her when she isn't working on something mechanical. She doesn't even notice until Thorne jokes that she wears more metal in jewellery than the whole metal of her hand.

Maybe she buys herself a new set of tools with pink and blue iridescent handles simply because finds them pretty. Maybe when her friends tease her about how in love she is, she starts to acknowledge it.

Cinder is not some stereotype of a leading female character who is strong and as such cannot be feminine or soft or emotional. Was she given the chance to be?

Let her be soft. Let her be delicate. Let her pretty.

[restinslices]

Everything pt2

PJO Show Ares X Child!Reader (no gender specified)

Word count: 6168 (I realized a bit late that majority is me setting up the scene. If you just wanna see their talk, read after the “~~”)

Summary: You haven’t seen your father since the last time you talked, but of course with your luck he finds you again and you’re forced to make a big decision.

Warnings: Reader is going through it, poor attempt at a fight scene, the lore and timeline is probably fucked up but ignore that, OOC Ares probably and as of typing I’m realizing MAJOR SPOILER FOR THE TITANS CURSE. To avoid this, scroll until you see “I don’t have any friends that come over” or “~” if you wanna be extra careful.

You’d love to say that not seeing your father after your last talk was some sort of surprise, but it wasn’t. Thankfully (is that selfish to think?) none of the demigods had a real good relationship with their parent. Well, Percy seemed to have a solid relationship with Posideon, but it’s not like he saw him everyday. And as selfish and heartless as it sounded, that offered you a bit of relief and comfort. It’s not like your father was sensitive and loving to you and you screwed it up. Everything was pretty much back to normal. 

 It was a pretty somber day at camp. Percy, Grover and Thalia had managed to save Annabeth and Artemis, but it didn’t come without casualties. You weren’t necessarily friends with Bianca or Zoë but you still grieved over them. The hardest part though, was watching how sad your friends had gotten, especially Percy. You knew what Percy was like. Percy was extremely loyal but that loyalty led to carrying a lot more weight on his shoulders than what was necessary. If your suspicions were right (and you knew they were), he’d blame himself for Bianca’s death. That made zero sense to you. He told you exactly how she died and to you, it seemed like Bianca made a choice. Percy couldn’t have done anything to stop it. He didn’t see it that way and you weren’t sure why you insisted on telling him over and over again and trying to cheer him up. 

 “Nico?” Percy raised to his feet when he saw you approaching. You shook your head,

 “No sign of him. He’s been missing for a week now Percy. If we were gonna find him, we would’ve found him by now”. Percy looked defeated. You were sure he knew the chances of finding him were slim to none, but you kept combing areas of the woods for him to keep him somewhat at peace. If he thought there was a chance, he wouldn’t be as depressed hopefully. 

 “I’m gonna say it again-“

 “Don’t”

 “Well what should I say to calm you down?”

 Percy thought for a moment but just shrugged and started heading inside his cabin and you followed. Percy collapsed on his own bed and you took it upon yourself to sit on the bed next to his. You didn’t know if it was because you held resentment towards your father, or if you actually liked Cabin 3 but you really wished this was your cabin instead. “Must be nice having a cabin all to yourself. No obnoxious cabin mates, no extra noise, nobody leaving their shit on the floor”.

 “I guess” was all he said back to you and you sighed. You didn’t wanna keep repeating yourself but you genuinely didn’t know what to say but not saying anything made you feel like an asshole that was ignoring the situation. 

 So you tried to change the subject. 

“Is it like this at home too? Just you and your mom? No friends over?”. 

 “I don't have any friends that can come over”

 “None at school?”

 “None”.

 That made you frown. You were older than Percy by a few years, so you had time to adjust to how lonely life could be as a half-blood and by now, you didn't return “home” either. Camp was your home now year round. You understood why Percy kept going home though. You heard about his mom and she seemed like a nice woman. You were grateful he at least had that. 

 But instead of saying something sweet and nice and voicing your thoughts, you made a joke instead. “That's why your little ass keeps getting into trouble. You have no one out there watching out for you”

 “My mom watches out for me plenty”

 “But she's not keeping schools from being blown up now is she?”. Percy rolled his eyes, but he didn't look as sad as before so you took this as a sign to keep talking “if I was watching you, you'd be alright. At least you'd have help”

 “You're tryna live with me now?”

 “Sure”, you said with a shrug. “A cool mom, random blue food, stopping you from exposing yourself - it all sounds grand”. You both laughed at your joke because that's what it was. A joke. 

 At least… it was at first. 

 Either Percy didn't know what a joke was, or he was pretty fond of having a big sibling when he was home because the next day he told you he sent an Iris message to his mom and she was fine with getting an air mattress for you. You almost told Percy that it was just a joke, but then you thought about how lonely he must be at home and how annoying it can be only having his mom to talk to about this demigod stuff. Plus, it hopefully wouldn't hurt to get a break from camp. 

 You didn't know why you decided to pray and tell Poseidon about this, but you did. The sun had set and you slipped out of your cabin and snuck into the woods. You made a mini fire and threw two candy bars the Stoll brothers managed to sneak in, which was a real shitty offering but it was all you had. You couldn't do it during the feast. You had too much to say and someone would hear. 

 “Terrible offering, I know. I hope you're listening anyway” you started. “I'm gonna be following Percy around when he goes home and I'm gonna try and keep him and Sally somewhat safe. I don't know how safe Percy can really be but I'll try anyway. I hope that's not a problem. I'm not tryna step on your toes or anything”. 

 In all honesty praying and giving offerings felt strange. You were supposed to pray to Ares everyday and give him an offering, but you stopped doing that after your last talk. The first time you threw food in a fire and didn't say his name, you thought you'd combust as a punishment. You didn't though, so you kept doing it. Occasionally you'd give offerings to other gods but it was mainly Athena. Partially because she was like Ares but not really and partially because you hoped it would upset Ares. Was it childish? Yes. But compared to someone as old as Ares, you were a child. 

 “That's all I really have to say. If you don't want me to go you can drown me in my sleep or maybe send a letter. Whatever works for you”. You looked around, expecting for some paper saying “absolutely not” to land somewhere around you but nothing happened, so you put out the fire and snuck back into your cabin. 

~

 You don't think you have a huge ego, but you definitely felt you deserved a pat on the back for how good your work was. 

 You were able to convince your own lousy family to hand over any legal documents to Sally and thankfully Percy's middle school had a highschool right next to it. Although the demigods weren't supposed to use phones, a minor text here and there saying “hey, I think there's monsters here” didn't hurt anyone. There were plenty of times you had to sneak out of your school and into his, and if you weren't so busy fighting for your life, you'd audition to be in some spy or assassin movie. 

 Thankfully though, you weren't always busy helping Percy. You figured you might as well help Sally out so you got a job at a nearby bookstore inside of a mall and honestly? You'd prefer fighting monsters over dealing with bratty customers. Seriously though, how can you be a bitch at a bookstore? 

 “I've already told you ma'am” you said in a monotone voice, “we can't give you a refund if you do not have a receipt”. 

 The black hair woman scoffed and looked at you as if you caused the problem she was having. “A receipt? Do I seem like the type of woman who keeps a receipt?! When I bought Twilight, I expected better and I hate it and now I want a refund and as the customer, I am always right!”. 

 The entire conversation made you wanna explode in front of her and change the trajectory of her life, but unfortunately it didn't happen. What was with mortals and not understanding basic store rules?

 “I would love it if you were right but you're not. No receipt. No refund”. She scoffed again and you wanted to grab her by the throat and stop the noise from ever leaving her mouth again. 

 “Well what do you expect me to do?!”

 “Pick up a different book then get out maybe?”. 

 You couldn't put a finger on the noise that came out of her next. It was some deep throaty sound with a mix of anger and disgust. “Do you know who I am? I'm Holly Holiday-” you accidentally cracked a smile at her stupid name and that just fueled her rage. She pointed a finger at your name tag and said your name, followed by “you are so done for! I'll have you eaten alive for this!”. 

 She turned on her heels and left in a huff. Fucking finally. 

 You looked over at your coworker Harper and pretended your fingers were a gun and shot yourself, getting a laugh out of her. Harper and her twin Hazel shared a few classes with you and by some coincidence they also worked in the mall. Harper was with you while Hazel worked at the costume store downstairs. You couldn't tell them apart and you weren't sure if you'd ever pass the “we talk sometimes” stage but it didn't matter right now. 

 “I know it's closing time but are you ok if I take a bathroom break really quick? I can help out when I get back”

She waved dismissively, “take your time man. Hazel'll be coming up here too”. You nodded with a small thank you and stepped into the mostly vacant mall. The mall was usually lively but with it being so late at night, the only people around were other people like that annoying customer and workers who had the misfortune of still working this late. 

 It was eerily quiet. Sure, you thought you were used to how silent it was at this time of night, but you still got the creeps and did not take your time alone in the bathroom. 

 Maybe you should have though, because once you left the bathroom that same annoying lady was waiting outside, which she definitely should not have been doing. 

 “I told you I did not like that book”. 

 Seriously? She was still complaining? She was still here after the store had pretty much closed? 

 You said something that would've gotten you fired if your boss was around, “yeah? Tough shit lady. No receipt, no refund, it's as simple as that. Don't buy books you haven't read. Now get out the mall and go take care of your kids”. 

 She snarled. A genuine snarl that made you start to sneakily slip off the bracelet you were wearing. You didn't know if gods could give other kids gifts, and either it had been allowed this whole time or Poseidon didn't care since shortly after your “chat” after hours you received a dagger that could transform into a bracelet. You thought maybe Ares had sent it, but his gifts didn't smell of the ocean and a fresh breeze. 

 Regardless of who gave it to you, that snarl didn't sound good. 

 “I don't think you're very good at your job”

 “I guess I'm not. Now do us both a favor and just leave”. 

 She didn't leave. Instead she smirked and that was all the confirmation you needed to know something was wrong. The bracelet slipped off your wrist and while the monster was transforming, you gripped your weapon and brought it up through the bottom of her mouth. You pulled it out, but not through the entry wound. You pulled it towards you, letting it split her face in half. 

 Just in case, you stabbed her in the heart, twisted the knife then pulled it out of her through the side of her chest. You didn’t have to wait for her to crumble. It was game over. A surprisingly easy win. 

 You grabbed some nearby napkins so you could wipe your dagger clean then returned it back to your wrist. 

 “What happened?” Harper asked once you stepped back inside, which was really odd for multiple reasons. 

 Firstly, you looked like you usually did. Nothing about you was particularly out of place. At least you didn't think so. 

 Secondly, she didn't sound curious. She didn't sound concerned. She sounded frustrated, like you did something wrong. 

 “Nothing” you lied. “It's nothing. Let's just clean up, yeah?”. 

 “I'm sure it's not nothing Child of Ares”. 

Your brows knitted together and you hoped you just heard wrong. You turned to look at Harper and that's when it started to click. 

 Harper. Hazel. Holly. 

 Harpies. 

 They were too lazy to pick a different initial for the first name and you fell for it like an idiot. Plus the “I’ll have you eaten alive” comment. But in all fairness, who actually takes those comments seriously? If you took every threatening comment seriously, you'd be sent to an asylum. 

 Harper's short red hair looked like flames now. Her green eyes looked hungry for your flesh and her sharp teeth glistened in the light as feathers grew from her arms. Realistically, you should've been scared. There were two alive harpies in the building, but something about a monster with a gray shirt with mini white books decorated on it really made you wanna laugh. She must've sensed this since she sneered, 

 “You think I'm funny?”

 “Do you want an honest answer?”

 “You won't think I'm so funny soon you spoiled demigod!”. You wanted to make a joke about how calling children with severe abandonment issues “spoiled” was silly, but you decided this wasn't the time. Instead you took the bracelet off. 

 Harper laughed in your face. “You think that will stop me?” 

 “Handled your friend pretty well. How about you stop trash talking and come over here so we can see if you're any different”. You don't know which comment got her so angry but she leapt at you. 

 You sidestepped her and planned on delivering a quick stab to the neck, but she must've seen it coming. She grabbed something and quickly turned to bat you in the face with it, making you stumble back. It took you a quick second to realize she hit you with a book. A Goosebumps book no less. 

 “You are incredibly childish” you mumbled and you wished you could laugh it off. Maybe you were childish too because you picked up the book and launched it at her face, feeling a tad bit disappointed when she dodged it. 

 You swung at her but she caught your wrist and squeezed hard enough to make you drop your dagger. You were quick on your feet though and you brought your available elbow down on her inner elbow (you were sure it had a scientific name but honestly who cares?). You heard a crunch and Harper screeched. Her grip loosened enough for you to snatch away while kicking her, her flying and hitting the railing. 

 You grabbed the dagger and threw it. You meant for it to hit somewhere fatal but she moved and instead it hit her directly in the eye, which made her screech even louder. 

 You snatched your necklace off and the object quickly took the shape of a double sided sword. It was a gift from your father and although he was probably pissed at you, you figured he probably wasn't watching and wouldn't care. 

 You charged at her and swung the sword. Although she was screaming in pain and was no doubt in agony, she slid under the blade. As she turned to face you, her hands moved and a sharp gust of wind knocked you off the third floor. 

 To make matters worse, Hazel decided to make an appearance. She was right below you, cackling, arms outstretched and you knew if you landed in those arms she'd devour you. 

 You did the only thing you could think of with such short timing. You angled the sword vertically and aimed directly for her mouth. She seemed to understand but it was too late. You came crashing down, your sword along with you and it slid directly in her mouth and down her throat. Because of the sword having a solid middle so you could hold onto something, it didn't go all the way through and you stumbled a bit, but you were better off than her. She stopped all movement and to make sure the job was done, you ripped the sword through her, cutting her in half. 

 “MY SISTER!”,  Harper screeched and you looked up at her with your messy sword in hand. 

 “You want more from the Child of Ares?!” You claimed you hated trash talk and you especially hated being called his child but the adrenaline was really getting to you. “I have plenty to give!”. 

 She flew up higher and started to come down fast towards you. You readied your sword, prepared to end this but suddenly she stopped and started trembling. 

 “L-L-Lord Ares. I-”

 Before you could ask any questions and she could finish her sentence, you were being launched into the air. The scream you let out was embarrassing but it didn't matter in the end. You both collided and hit the wall and instead of being knocked out or injured like you thought you'd be, you were completely fine. Your sword went straight through her chest and pinned her to the wall behind her and you were hanging above the ground, grasping onto the hilt of your sword and hoping your hands wouldn’t start sweating. 

 “L-L-Lord Ares. I-”

 No. No way. It couldn’t be. But who else could’ve launched you in the air like that?

 You looked down and there he was. You don’t know why, but you expected him to look somewhat different. Maybe a new haircut or a new jacket. Maybe he’d try contacts, but no. He looked exactly the same. You didn’t know if you were comforted or unnerved by it.

 You wished you had something cool to say but all you said was “what are you doing here?”.

 “Saving your life”. Yeah right. You had everything 100% under control. He chuckled and you started to wonder if he could read your mind. When you screamed internally though, he didn’t flinch so that theory went out the window. Maybe you looked annoyed and didn’t know it. 

 “Are you gonna catch me?” You asked.

 “What for?”

 “Because you threw me all the way to the fifth floor and it’d be nice not to break something”

 “You need me to warm up milk up for you too?”.

 Fuck it. You’d risk the broken leg.

 You tightened your hands around the hilt and planted your feet on the wall then pushed off with all your might. Fortunately, you got the sword out the wall. Unfortunately, you were now falling from five floors up. 

 You braced for impact, but instead of falling and hitting the floor, you fell into someone’s arms. You looked up, thinking that maybe someone was with your father that you didn’t see before, but no. It was him. He caught you. Something you weren’t expecting but you weren’t against.

 You mumbled a thanks and stood on your feet. The year was 2006 when you last talked. It was early in 2008 and while that wasn’t that big of a gap, the talk you had last time made things more awkward. 

 “I thought you’re not allowed to interfere”

 He raised a brow at you as if saying “you care about rules now when you’ve been breaking them?”. Were you breaking them though? Sure you were encouraged to give offerings to your parent but you hadn’t been punished… yet. If it was so bad you wouldn’t be walking right now. And you doubted he paid enough attention to notice. He was probably relieved to have one less kid bothering him.

 Gods, you were a downer.

 “Are you gonna tell on me?” He asked.

 “If you hadn’t caught me”

 “And now?”

 “My lips are sealed”. You didn’t see his expression. You were too busy looking down at your shoes. A habit you hated you developed. It made you feel small. But you guessed demigods were supposed to be small in comparison to their parent. That’s why you showed them respect but they hardly returned the favor. 

 A moment of silence passed before he spoke up again.

 “You have money on you?”.

 Was he gonna rob you now? “Uh, yeah”.

 “You’re paying for dinner. Let’s go”

 He started walking away before you could even respond, and like a reflex you grabbed his arm to slow him down. “I can’t”.

 “Can’t?” He said so calmly it kinda scared you.

 “Yeah. I can’t. My uh…” you decided not to tell him the entire truth about staying with Percy and Sally. “My ride… mom. She’s coming to get me. You don’t want mom knowing you’re in town, right?”. 

 He looked you up and down and you tried your best to not seem nervous. You weren’t sure he believed you but he let it go for the night.

 You wished it stayed that way. That he’d just go back wherever he came from but instead he told you the name of a diner nearby and said to be there by noon tomorrow and that you were paying. 

 “Great. Thanks dad” you thought. “I always love our talks”.

~~

 The good thing about his random plan to go to a diner at noon was that you were allowed to clean yourself and sleep beforehand. The bad thing was that now you were sitting across from him and it was incredibly awkward. 

 Ares kept laughing at his phone and you debated on asking him what was so funny but he said “started a Twitter war about vaccination. It’s getting good”. You screamed in your head again, but once again he didn’t flinch. Maybe he just had a good poker face.

 “I’m happy for you?”. He glanced up at you and instead of going back to his phone, he set it face down on the table. You didn’t know if he seemed to glow because of the little war he started, or if a source of light was hitting him nicely. Maybe it was a god thing. 

 “You’re probably wondering why I’ve called you here”

 Was this an HR meeting? “I’m wondering why I’m paying”

 “Ask me”

 “You know I wanna know though so why am I asking?”

He didn’t respond. He just looked at you and you could hear his foot tapping on the floor.

 You rubbed your brow, already feeling a migraine coming on. You took a deep breath and let out a sarcastic response (which was not a good idea but your mouth worked faster than your brain). 

 “Ares, the amazing God of War. The Protector of Mistreated Women. Wearer of biker jackets. I come before you as your humble child, begging thee to tell me what required my summons and why you were at the mall last night. Please please please tell me. I’ll fall over and die if you don’t”.

 Sarcastic or not, he accepted it. He motioned towards the platter of burgers and fries, “this is your thank you. This is your offering to me since you haven’t been doing that”. 

 Well fuck. You didn’t think he’d notice. 

You leaned back in your seat and your fingers strummed against your knees and you had to remind yourself that running out probably wouldn’t end well.

 “You noticed?”

 “I did” he said simply. It reminded you of how emotionless he was the last time you talked. It reminded you of how frustrated you were that he talked as if nothing was wrong and as if your pain didn’t affect him. 

 “You demigods think you’re so smart. You have these big egos and think you’re ahead of us. You gave your offerings to Athena and Poseidon of all people ” he spat their names like it left a bitter taste in his mouth to mention them. 

 “And then you stay with that fish boy and his mom. Yeah. I saw that too. And I save your life and you don’t seem the least bit grateful”.

 Grateful.

 Something about that word you hated.

 Grateful? What was there to be grateful for? “Yeah dad, I’m super grateful my life consists of monsters trying to eat me and a dad I only see once in a blue moon. Totally grateful”.

 “We can’t interfere”

 “Didn’t stop you last night”

 He tsked, “I don’t get you. You complain about my absence then you complain when I’m here when I could be doing anything else!”. His voice rose but the people in the diner were either used to this or didn’t care enough to say anything.

 The nervousness and the fear rolled off you the more he spoke. Gratefulness? Doing anything else? You weren’t stopping him. 

 “Then go do those things. I’m not holding your hand and making you stay”. Your brain told you to shut up and apologize, but your mouth wasn’t having it. “And this isn’t about us and you know it. This is about you. This is about your ego being hurt. You don’t care about my safety. You didn’t go to the mall to protect me. You just love a fight and you were probably disappointed you couldn’t do more”

 “That’s what you think?” His eyes burned with something you couldn’t quite place. Anger obviously, but it seemed like something else was there. Or maybe there was literal fire in his eyes. Either way, it was clear he was upset and if you didn’t shut up soon, he’d probably turn you into a random animal.

 But who didn’t love animals?

 “That’s what I know. And I didn’t need your help. I was just fine. The only thing you would’ve missed if I somehow died was your little offerings. I don’t matter to you. Just admit it so we can move on”. Ares opened his mouth to say something, but you spoke again “and for your information Percy and Sally are very nice people. They feel more like family than you do”. 

 That shut up whatever he planned on saying. The last time you two talked you swore you saw an emotion cross his face. This time you were definitely sure you saw something cross his face before it went back to its default expression. 

 Was that regret? 

 No. That was stupid and you’ve had plenty of stupid thoughts. 

 It went silent. Weirdly, eerily silent. 

The diner wasn’t silent obviously but you two were.

You both were just staring at each other like statues. You wished you could read his mind. You hoped you would see thoughts of regret and sorrow and maybe hopefulness about your relationship going forward. You wished he had the same thoughts you had. Another stupid thought. Being hopeful didn’t work with him.

 For whatever reason, your mind wandered off to the late night talks you’d have with Sally and for whatever other reason, you started to speak.

 “Have you heard the song American Pie? Yes, it’s somewhat important to what I have to say. Yes or no only please”

 He looked bored and unamused but he answered anyway. “I don’t know. Maybe? Who cares?”.

 “There’s a line in the song that says this’ll be the day that I die. And for whatever reason it made me think about what I’d do if I were dying. If I woke up one day and I knew I was gonna die that day, what would I do? You wanna know what I realized?”

 He raised his brows for a second and leaned back in his chair. There was a possibility he was still bored but he seemed somewhat interested. “Shoot”.

 You smiled bitterly. Here he was so calm and fine and here you were, speaking slow and hoping your voice didn’t waver or crack. “I realized-” you failed. Your voice wobbled a bit and you cleared your throat a little too loud. “I realized I’d spend every second trying to make you love me”.

 You didn’t bother trying to read any expression he had next. You knew you’d always get it wrong and you’d imagine what you wanted to see. “And I uh… I don’t wanna be that way anymore”. You blinked rapidly, trying to prevent any tears from falling out. You didn’t have the rain to cover your face and blend in like you did last time. “And selfishly I hope that scares you”.

 “Gods don’t feel fear”

 “Well whatever you wanna call it I hope you feel it. I hope -and I’m gonna keep calling it fear- I hope you feel afraid for what that means for us”

 “Allow me to humor you for a bit” you felt as though the comment was supposed to be sarcastic but it didn’t sound sarcastic or aggressive. It was weirdly soft. “Why would you not wanting to spend your last day with me scare me?”

 “Because that means I won’t admire you anymore” you answered. “You don’t get it. You don’t get how much you mean to me. You don’t get how much I used to idolize you. Before I was claimed, I was already intrigued by you. Once I was claimed I read every single story that had to do with you. I was honored to be your child and tried to show you how honored I was everyday. I didn’t do all this for me. The training, bettering my Greek, learning everything I could about mythology. I didn’t do that for me. I did that so I would never shame your name and make you look like you raised incompetent idiots. The way I would defend your name and what you represent, you’d think I was being paid”

 “Me not admiring you anymore means I won’t care about defending you. It means I won’t care anymore about our family relationship. And I hope the idea of me calling you Ares instead of dad terrifies you. That emptiness or indifference I’ll feel when I hear your name… I know it hasn’t happened yet but thinking about it terrifies me too. Maybe I’m just selfish and don’t wanna be alone”. You used your sleeve to wipe at your wet face, a mix of embarrassment and relief for finally getting this out of you. “I could be right. I doubt it. I’m probably just making all that up but either way I need you to stop doing this. Seeing you at all, it gives me hope. I don’t want an enemy for life. I’m not Percy. But this is just gonna make this harder and if you hate me I am begging you to have mercy and leave me be. No visiting. I won’t come to see you when we do that little field trip either. I’ll stay at camp or I’ll go bother another god. Hermes is really nice. And if I break my end of the deal you can do whatever you want to me. Turn me into an ant, rearrange my fingers, throw me down a flight of stairs at full force, whatever”.

 There you went again making up shit. Swearing you saw something worse than sadness on his face; grief. That was impossible. Your eyes were just playing tricks on you like they always did. 

 You didn’t know what you wanted him to say, but you didn’t expect “you think, but you don’t know anything”.

 “Then tell me what I don’t know”. He didn’t say anything. He went silent and you were getting real tired of his silences. You sighed, “Sally’s been waiting outside so…”

 “Yeah…”. He let out a breath. Annoyance. Had to be. “You want this?” He asked.

 You were honest. “No” you said instantly. “No I don’t but this just seems like the best thing to do”. He didn’t argue with you. 

 Your hand went to reach inside your pocket for money but then he spoke again “keep it”.

 “It’s no problem-”.

 “Just keep it”.

 You nodded. 

 You stayed sitting down. Why was it so hard to stand? Why did your legs feel so wobbly and your throat so dry? Why did your chest feel like a huge weight was crushing it? Weren’t you supposed to feel the opposite? Free and lively? Feel like you could float?

 Another stupid thing escaped your lips. “Can you do me a favor?”.

 “Another one?” He asked lifelessly- no. He was not lifeless. He was happy. You were sure of it. You’d leave and he’d cheer because he wouldn’t have to deal with another kid anymore. You knew it.

 “It’s not a favor if you don’t wanna see me either”. Another bit of silence but you weren’t surprised. “Can we do that thing mortals do? You know, when they hug and say they love each other before they go their own way? Or maybe just the ‘I love you’ part”. He looked at you for a bit and you were about to apologize for making it weird and leave but Ares stood up. 

 You stood up.

 It’s strange how something you’ve never done before can feel so right. Like it was always meant to happen or always supposed to be this way. You weren’t necessarily cold and Ares wasn’t a heater, but the second he wrapped his arms around you and you did the same for him, you felt much warmer. Not a burden type of warmth. The kind of warmth that brings you relief on a freezing cold day. That crushing feeling stayed the same though.

 “I love you dad” you said and it fell out so naturally, you’d forgive anyone for thinking this was a normal occurrence. That the fight you had was just a small disagreement but otherwise you two had an amazing relationship.

 You didn’t know how the words “I love you too” would sound coming out of his mouth, but it sounded better than you hoped for. It once again sounded natural and genuine even if you knew it wasn’t. 

 You thought it wasn’t.

 No. You knew it wasn’t. This was no time for brain tricks and delusions. 

 Pulling apart was probably the hardest thing you had to do and your job was keeping Percy Jackson safe. That sudden coldness fell over you again and the crushing got worse.

 It didn’t get any better when you left. You didn’t have the guts to look at him one last time, afraid you’d call off your deal right then and there if you made eye contact with him. 

 Luckily Sally was an intelligent person. She was smart enough not to ask how it went. Even if she did, it’s not like you could answer with the huge lump in your throat. 

 “Do you want ice cream dear?”.

 You shrugged. There was that word again. Want. You didn’t know what you wanted anymore. You thought you did but it all felt wrong. There was no weight lifted off your shoulders and you didn’t feel light on your feet. You felt cold and hollow. The weight got worse and pushed down on you with so much force, you didn’t know it was even possible. 

 Then your eyes landed on his bike and it all came out. Your head fell into your hands and you let out sobs that were lodged deep in your chest. Your ears were ringing and you were sure you looked and sounded like the most pathetic person alive but you couldn’t care anymore. Sally, once again being an intelligent woman, took that as a sign it was time to go and pulled off. You assumed Sally would’ve dropped Percy off after you went inside. You assumed he wouldn’t wanna wait out here for you while you talked to one of the people that hated him the most. His hand patted your shoulder, notifying you that he was in the car still. Usually you’d make a joke and tell them that you were fine, but nothing came out but borderline hysterical sobs. 

 You grew jealous of Percy. He didn’t see Poseidon much but at least he knew deep down that Poseidon cared for him. Sometimes you’d get that feeling but you thought it was all a delusion. Fuck. Why did you keep doing that? You knew it was all a delusion. 

 That choice had to be the right one. It needed to be the right one.

 That didn’t stop this wave of agony from drowning you, and you’d fight a thousand harpies if it meant this feeling would go away.

Omg y’all I did it😭. I mixed two ideas someone suggested with my own ideas and here we are. I hope y’all like it even though a huge portion is me yapping but to be fair I didn’t realize until after I was done and summarizing all of that didn’t seem like it’d sound right, yk? There was definitely a way I could’ve done it but I’m stupid soooo… yeah. Anyway, OOC Ares but this is my angsty fantasy so I’m making him care about his kids. In my head the whole “I hate my own kids” is him trying to convince himself he doesn’t care for them so it’s easier to stay apart from them. Idk, maybe I’ll make a part 3 from his perspective and answer why he said he was saving their life. I make no promises tho. And I know I said it’s show Ares so skipping ahead doesn’t make sense but we know what’s gonna happen Taglist: @kyuupidwrites @chadmeeksmartinswifey @lebguardians @beansficreblogs (one asked to be tagged, one asked for more dad fics, then one commented plus reblogged and one reblogged, so although majority did not ask, imma just assume y’all would wanna see a part 2😀. We’re getting the band back together like this is Phineas and Ferb)

[hrtsdollie]

THE LETTER - M. STURNIOLO (matthew sturniolo x reader)

pt1

warnings; no use of y/n , none this is simply a letter from a grieving girl to her boyfriend who has passed , it’s super short though!

major warning; this is a super rough topic to write about, if you don’t like the idea of reading something where matt passes, then please do not continue reading. this is purely fiction, and in no way, shape, or form am i trying to spread misinformation and claim that matt is seriously dead. this is just a thought i had (about readers grieving process and sort of the reaction). if you don’t like it, don’t read it. if i receive hate from this, anons and comments will be turned off. - xoxo emmy.

dear matthew, 

the weeks following your death were worse than anything. media was awful. and normally when people got under my skin like this, you would help me. but now.. its the posts about you that were bothering me. you really can’t help me now. i never realized how insensitive this fanbase was. some comments and memorial videos are sweet, most are not. i miss you matt. i lay in your bed and i cry. i cry? is this what you would’ve wanted for me matty? to spend my days crying? i dont care, i miss you.

wails can be heard all throughout the our house. we’ve left boston. nick and chris and me. not you. i want to move down there. i want to visit you whenever i would like to. but your mom says you’ll always be with me. chris stays in nick’s room. his cover has been broken down and he’s starting the grieving process. im proud of him. i know nick  feels it too, but chris needs him.

our friends have all come to visit us. the fridge is stocked with casseroles and drinks that we probably won’t ever get to. nearly every surface is covered with flowers. your friends loved you more than anything. everyone did. but nobody is grieving like nick and chris and me. that’s all it is now. just nick and chris and me. the flowers and the food are too much. 

it’s almost like the house is aware of your absence. our bathroom flooded, chris nearly burned the kitchen down by using the toaster, and it’s like the ninth time i have slipped walking up the stairs. my sweet boy is gone, and all shit is hitting the fan. come back to me, matty. i love you.

your silk sheets still smell like you, along with every hoodie. your pink hershey shirt is worn by the pink bunny you had bought me for valentines day. i have all of the bunny stuffed animals gifted to me by you just sitting in your room. i miss when i was your bunny. i miss the feeling i got in my stomach the first time you called me that. i would do anything to hear it come from your mouth just once more. 

i feel guilty, like maybe it should’ve been me in the car. but your brothers have told me several times it wasn’t my fault. i can’t keep myself from holding some resentment towards nick and chris. what if it’d been them? i know that isn’t any better, but seeing them everyday hurts me so bad. it’s as if the ghost of you, my highschool sweetheart, simply floats through the halls, but it’s only your brothers. chris shaved his beard, he’d let it grow out after you died. he looks less like you do — well, did now. it hurts a little less, but it’ll never not hurt to see them, or at least that’s what marylou told me. 

i call marylou everyday. it’s nice to hear her voice. she’s hanging on and trying to work through this, at least from what i can tell. i think i’ve sent you too many voicemails these past few weeks because your inbox is full. maybe i wasn’t the only one who simply wanted to talk again. i feel bad sending you messages everyday. so that’s why im writing this for you. you deserve to have an update, you always were nosy. and so so sassy. i miss your “mattitude”. if you were here i would let you be sassy, and make stank faces at me all you want.

i hope all the pain you ever felt is gone now matty. and i hope this letter finds you well. i will continue to write this until i see you again. someday. not now, and not soon. but someday. 

love, bunny ᡣ𐭩 

divs by @/anitalenia

open to possibly writing pt3 on this one because i have an idea but that would be the last part! feedback is so heavily encouraged (be kind, i am just a girl 😓).

tags: @lypsiiii

[deans-angel67]

Just Friends

Summary: They're "just friends"

Pairing: Dean Winchester x reader

Word count: 600

Warning: none really, angst?

Everyone knew they were inseparable. Wherever she was, he was right there beside her. They were attracted by the hip, 'I'm going to get food.' 'Let me grab my jacket.' They shared a bed, and always did research at the same time. No matter what they were doing they were together. Dean and Y/n if one was close the other couldn't be very far.

A/N: Drabble. Let me know if you enjoy things in this format. Also would you be interested in me turning this into a series?

____

Y/n joined the Winchesters after her parents where killed. None of her family could take her in (not that they would have). So John kept her, she was quiet and shy, which was normal considering she was grieving. But she eventually broke out of her shell, thanks to Sam's thousands of questions and Dean's sympathetic glances. She'd answer all the questions and she started to be herself again slowly. She got closer to the brothers but mostly to Dean. It was bound to happen with the amout of time they spent together. They shared a bed, spent hours if not days in a car together and had all the same classes. Even though she was a year younger than him (she skipped 3rd grade).

They had quite a bit in common. Same music taste, they enjoyed the same movies and food. But something about them just clicked and they never left each other's side. Even when Sam went to college and John left, they always had each other. Throught out the years they went through a lot of things and they bonded, over trauma, over sports, over homework. They built an incredible strong trust between the two of them and it was never broken. Y/n was probably the only one who had ever seen Dean truly cry, and he was the only one who had ever seen her so angry she beat a man half to death. Which was extremely unlike her. They comforted each other.

Now they were adults, and they knew everything about each other. They knew the others triggers, when they needed comfort, physical touch, when they needed to be alone or just some encouraging word. Most people assumed that they were dating because of how in sync they were. Always knowing the others next move, but they were....

JUST FRIENDS.

It was something they had both said numerous times throughout the years. Sam knew that saying those words always hurt Y/n. She fell first, how could she not? He understood everything that she was going through, he was kind and gentle. He smelled like pin cones, cologne and leather. Not to mention he was tall, with beautiful eyes, a killer smile and an adorable attitude with alot of sarcasm mixed into it. He always made time for her and his touch gave her butterflies. He would hold the door open and stay near by when he noticed she didn't feel safe.

But when he realized that he was falling for her it became chaos in his head. Her kindness, compassion and her soft smile. The way she always smelled good honey and mint even though they stayed in musty motel rooms. Her way of always having a brighter perspective and a chipper attitude. Yes, she had her bad days, but who didn't. She would play along his sarcastic wit, and she never failed to make him smile.

But neither was willing to risk there friendship for a stupid crush. A crush that made her heart swell, and that made him feel jealous the moment another man looked her way. They were oblivious to each other. They were just friends. That's what they tried to convince themselves at least.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Nadia with an MC who’s really close to her sisters and parents due to not having a family of their own (for reasons which I’ll leave vauge so your creativity can fill them in) perhaps ?

The Arcana HCs: MC with M6's family

~ oh, we love some good found family! thanks for the request, @dameschnee123! I had fun work shopping this request with you ^.^ - brainrot ~

Julian

Let's be clear: Mazelinka's first feeling upon meeting you was relief. And she experiences it again every single time she can sense that Ilya (the rascal!) is getting into trouble again because she knows that he listens to you at least (and you seem to be sensible)

She doesn't expect you to fix him, but she's been watching him wander around with too many empty spots in his heart for way too long and she's glad you've found a home with him there

She is going to pass on all the advice, all the embarrassing childhood stories, and regularly threaten to replace him with you

Portia's a little jealous at first, not gonna lie

She's been looking up to and trying to keep up with her older brother for years, and now you've popped up out of nowhere and you have all of his love and attention! (she's more annoyed than she is upset, though)

If anything, you make it easier for her to reconnect with him. They last knew each other as kids, and having you around helps them become friends again as adults

Dinners with the four of you often devolve into Julian and Portia telling you "how it actually happened" while Mazelinka threatens them with her spoon to keep the noise down

Asra

Both Asra and their parents are so glad you're around, and while none of them would pressure you, they're all very eager to treat you like part of the family

On Asra's part it's obvious. He wants to make you a constant in his life, and having you around makes it easier for him to face emotionally difficult situations (like reconnecting with his parents)

Aisha and Salim feel that keenly. They love you right away for what you mean to their precious child, and they'll quickly come to love you for who you are as well

Aisha's mama-bear instincts are going to flare up just as quickly for you as they do for Asra. Arcana help the poor fool that causes you any form of pain

Salim, on the other hand, bonds with you over your magic and your shop. An ability as versatile as yours captured his interest as soon as he saw it, and he could spend hours browsing your collection

Aisha loves having you over for tea - regardless of whether or not Asra or Salim can make it. It becomes a weekly thing

Salim will stop by for a five minute purchase and then spend hours telling you about his latest ideas (much to Asra's embarrassment)

Nadia

You're about to be spoiled rotten

And dragged into lots and lots and lots of "spirited debates"

Nasrin is the slowest to warm up to you, only because it takes a while before she has the chance to be in the same space as you without also needing to be the Queen of Prakra

Namar has no such qualms and adopts you immediately, as do Navra and Natiqa. You are about to get dragged into so many shenanigans with them (Nadia thinks they're terrible influences)

Thankfully, Nasmira and Nafizah are quick to notice when the madness becomes a little more intense than you want it to be and will either give you an out (Nasmira) or stop the whole thing (Nafizah)

Nahara never indicates when she decides that you're part of the family, but you notice when she starts shifting her stance to keep an eye on you as well as her sisters

Nazali, being the sister most removed from royal life, will often seek you out for the sole purpose of talking to someone "normal"

There's an ongoing battle over who will be your shop's benefactor. Nadia's waiting to tell them that she owns half your stocks

Muriel

He didn't think that he had family

Or if he did, he always assumed that they hadn't wanted him

Having you by his side as he learned the truth gave him the courage to accept it, grieve over it, and grow from it

It means so much to him that there's someone he can talk to who also met Khamgalai and who is able and willing to visit the Steppe and decipher the tapestries with him

Speaking of Khamgalai, she still talks to you both all the time. It's not uncommon for her to ask you to interfere when Muriel chickens out halfway through an embarrassing baby story

She has so many baby stories - about him, about his parents, about his cousins ...

And, oh dear. She's very eager for the two of you to have babies of your own. It doesn't have to be by biological means, just adopt a kid or two or five or ten already!

She knows for a fact that Muriel has a deeply nurturing nature and would be a wonderful mentor and she's convinced that if she points out to you what perfect husband and father material he is you'll help her persuade him. (which makes him flush every time)

Portia

Ilya tried to give you the shovel talk, okay?

The only problem was that his heart wasn't in it because he had just watched you and Pasha empower each other so much that you two took down the world together and he's just a little intimidated

To his relief, Mazelinka was quick to hijack it and serve you a proper threat ("Exactly! What she said!" etc)

He doesn't want to admit it, but it was really because he's learned how ticked Pasha gets if he acts too protective and he doesn't want her to get angry at him again

Mazelinka, Portia, and you have regular get-togethers to sort out exactly what's going on with that delicious soup. Portia wants to learn how to make it, and you want to decipher its magical properties. Mazelinka is amused by your observations

Julian will often mysteriously appear and claim that he's not interested, magic's not for him, he's just here to read his book, but he's peeking over the edge and adding his two cents the whole time

Portia loves inviting them up to the cottage for family dinners and it's always a fun time. You didn't know it was possible to bruise a rib from laughing too hard, but you quickly discover that it is

Lucio

Family is a touchy matter for him

The biggest reason being that he tried to kill his own (and succeeded, in his father's case) and then ran away from them

Which is why, when it comes to the possibility of starting a family with you, he is absolutely convinced that it will end with one of his kids attempting the same thing

It doesn't help that Morga points this out every time you make contact with her, only to finish with something vaguely threatening along the lines of "children are the blessing we deserve"

If you have hair that can be braided, she will braid it every time she sees you and scold Montag for not taking better care of you

Never calls you her child out loud, treats you like the family favorite

Which Lucio notices, and whines about, but is secretly pleased by because you are one of the few decisions he's made that his mother approves of

Lucio will often ask you to tell her things on his behalf because he's convinced she'll respond better if it's coming from you

This does not work, because after giving you a curt nod she will promptly hunt him down with exactly the reaction he was avoiding

[hyperlexichypatia]

In the 15 or so years that I’ve been actively involved in neurodivergent/Mad/disabled liberation, my perspective on “overdiagnosis” or “broadening the category of mental illness” has shifted a few times. 

At first, I uncritically agreed with what might be called the “mainstream, mad-lite” perspective that “broadening the category of mental illness” was a real thing worth objecting to – that doctors and schools were pathologizing emotions, traits, and behaviors that should rightfully fall under the range of “normal.” How terrible to pathologize grief, we said, when feeling pain and sadness at the loss of a loved one is perfectly normal! 

But by 2015, when the New York Times ran an article on pathologizing women’s emotions, I was sharply critical. I wrote this: 

This is the kind of thing I would've celebrated a few years ago as a baby neurodiversity activist. But now, please count me as completely over faux-revolutionary assertions that one, specific, particular group of people should not be pathologized. The argument essentially boils down to "Neurotypical women shouldn't be pathologized for being upset, because they have legitimate reason for being upset, unlike all those other hysterical, overreacting people who are upset for no good reason, who really need to be pathologized." I regard this the same way I do the endless spate of "ADHD isn't a real disease; it's just a label for people who are creative and misunderstood!" articles. No, ADHD isn't a disease, and no, ADHD-type people shouldn't be pathologized, but the emphasis on "isn't a REAL disease" implies "unlike those other neurological differences, which ARE real diseases." These articles and ideas are not inclusive or neurodiversity-positive. "The line between pathologized and non-pathologized people should be drawn in a different place" is not a radical argument. It serves to throw other pathologized people -- the so-called "actually disordered" or "seriously mentally ill" or "low-functioning" people from whom these arguments are so anxious to distance their subjects -- further under the bus. Furthermore, because the medical model conflates pathologization with entitlement to services, these arguments often actually throw even the people they argue to depathologize under the bus as well. Extreme emotional states shouldn't be pathologized in women (or in anyone), but many people who experience extreme emotional states choose to use medications or other medical services to manage them -- a choice that should be their right. Depathologization should not be used to deprive them of access to that choice. "You're not defective, so we know what's best for you" isn't actually that big an improvement over "You are defective, so we know what's best for you."

Now, 9 years later in 2024, I still stand by what I said in 2015. Arguing about where to draw the line between pathological and nonpathological, or how wide to make the circle of accepted normalcy, is a pointless and ultimately harmful argument. I have no interest in arguing “This group of people, specifically, shouldn’t be pathologized, because they’re not like that group of people, who should be pathologized.” No one should be pathologized – not the otherwise-neurotypical woman grieving a loss, and not the visibly neurodivergent person responding to stimuli no one else can perceive. We should settle for no less than acceptance for all; pathologization for none. 

But I also didn’t quite predict how far pathologization would reach in the following decade. 

I was thinking about this because, in a context completely unrelated to disability rights, I was thinking that liberalism as a mainstream ideology barely exists in the U.S. anymore. I expressed some of that concern here. “Freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and bodily autonomy are generally, in and of themselves, good” is not a particularly mainstream idea. 

“But,” you might be thinking, “Aren’t you always saying that liberals who profess to believe those things don’t really believe them, and never have, because they don’t apply them to disabled people, poor people, young people, and other marginalized people?” And yes, I am always saying that. Universal liberalism – truly universal – has never been mainstream in the U.S., or anywhere in the world. As I said here, if you ask people “Should people have the right to…?” you will get a lot of “Yes, of course” answers, but if you ask “What about a child? What about an intellectually disabled person? What about an unmedicated-by-choice schizophrenic person?” the answer will switch to “I don’t mean them” or “That’s an exception.” There are Normal People who deserve basic human rights, and Pathologized People, who don’t. 

The trend I’m seeing now, though, is that the “normal” non-pathologized subject doesn’t exist. Everyone is some degree of pathologized. Neurotypical privilege is still very much in effect, and there is still a vast difference between those who are perceived as relatively neurotypical and those who don’t. “Everyone is a little bit [whatever]” or “No one is really normal” are ways of erasing and minimizing the very real neurotypical privilege, and corresponding neurodivergent oppression, that some people experience and some people don’t. Nevertheless, I’m seeing a real shift from “‘People’ by default means ‘normal’ neurotypical people, who deserve acceptance and freedom, but there are those ‘other’ people who don’t” to “No one is ever really ‘mentally healthy,’ so no one ever really deserves acceptance and freedom.” 

I talked a bit here about the premise that “Everyone needs therapy,” but I’m trying to think of the last time I actually saw that premise questioned. I’m thinking back trying to remember the last time I heard someone expressing the opinion “No, I don’t think you need therapy; I think that’s a normal thing, not a pathological thing.” 

I’m not saying a dividing line between pathologized and non-pathologized people was better! Not at all. And it was never absolute; non-pathologized people were always at risk of slipping into the pathologized category if they ever let their social conformity slip. As long as anyone is pathologized, everyone is at risk of being pathologized. 

But I’m saying that looking around, it feels like I wished for society to stop differentiating pathologized people from non-pathologized people, and the monkey’s paw gave me my wish. The argument “[Pathologized trait] isn’t that different from [non-pathologized trait]” isn’t effective, because there are no non-pathologized traits. Who, exactly, is considered “mentally healthy” or “emotionally mature” enough to be allowed to make decisions? Is anyone? If not, who is supposed to be in charge of us? Anybody with an audience who can successfully convince us that we’re “unhealthy” and need to be fixed, like the salesmen who convinced us that we all have a specific “attachment style”? I don’t know. I don’t know what the long-term effects of this cultural norm will be. Not good, to say the least. I know that it reminds me of certain strict, punitive strains of Christianity, with “trauma” taking the place of “original sin.” All have fallen short of the glory of Healing. But those people over there, they have fallen especially short. They need to be locked up. I know that the emphasis on relationships and interactions being “healthy” rather than respectful, consensual, and happy has pathologized a lot of respectful, consensual, happy relationships while allowing wildly disrespectful people to escape criticism because they’re “healthy.” I have no idea where universal-pathologization-culture is going, but I hope it’s not too late to turn it around. 

[riuhere]

[tap on the picture for higher quality]

Yess!! I'm finally done!!!

This AU concept has been brain rotting my brain for the past few days and I finally had the courage to draw it hshshsh

Okay so before I start rambling. I just have to note to you that English isn't my first language so if my explanation ends up confusing you. You can just ask me in the ask box! It's open anytime! And If you're not into uh 'x reader's' then this is actually not for you :D

So before I start explaining I'm just gonna say that this version of reader is a completely different version of her from the original concept. In which in the original concept reader dissappears without a word after an incident had happen involving a prince and his bestfriend to which she views them as siblings of her own. Basically an AU from an original AU (?)

In this AU however, our reader went completely insane after the tragic lost leading her to her own demise (mentally and physically).

Btw trigger warning if you wanna keep reading!!

In summary, she basically started distancing herself from her family (Mom goat and Papa goat) by locking herself in the bedroom where their siblings used to reside.

Of course, none of her parents thought any of it being abnormal because that's what someone normally does when they grieve, they isolate themselves to give it time to take everything in. And after reality practically smacked them in the face that their siblings may be gone forever. That's where things started to get very interesting...

And by interesting, I mean she basically started illegally experimenting on monster souls in secret without her family knowing about it. The main reason for it is because her main goal is to find a way to revive her siblings even if the has to use her own soul to do it on way or another and to her the 'bonus' of it is by discovering something 'new' every single day and despite everything she continues to preservere to reach that said goal.

So yeah this AU overall is basically 'what if' reader stayed and went insane instead of dissappearing without a trace.

(side note: in this AU Toriel and Asgore are still together and that was practically only for the sake of their only child remaining from the incident. She's practically the only thing keeping the family from separating. And the fact that she may never be able to meet their love interest/SOULmate in a few years from now in this timeline. Another side note: not gonna lie @semisolidmind made me realise how I'm not that much of a self shipper either due to how I don't really see myself in most of my characters cause their all basically viewed as 'reader' or 'y/n' to me. Does that make sense?)

[thisapplepielife]

Written for a @astrangersummer.

What You Need For Today

Week #3 Prompt: Flowers | Word Count: 1400 | Rating: T | POV: Lucas | Pairings: Lucas/Max | Characters: Lucas, Dustin, Steve, Erica, Max | CW: Language | Tags: Post S4, Recovering, Buying Flowers, Dustin Has Opinions (Doesn't He Always), Hospital Visits, Always the Goddamn Babysitter Steve (But He Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way)

Looking through the glass door of the cooler, Dustin at his side, Lucas checks out all his options. They all kind of look the same to him, to be honest. Different colors aside, they are just flowers wrapped in paper or arranged in vases. 

He can't stand here forever, so he opens the door and reaches for the nearest bouquet, one wrapped in a pale blue.

"That looks like it's for a new baby! She didn't have a baby!" Dustin snaps, shoving him out of the way. Lucas moves away from the door, willingly. He isn't sure what he should pick, doesn't have the brain power left to decide, so any help, even if it's just Dustin steamrolling him, will be better than nothing.

Dustin is rifling through the options, touching them all far too rough, and Lucas doesn't want to be associated with this at all. The florist isn't looking, isn't paying any attention to either of them, but Lucas is not in the mood to be yelled at. Not today.

The place has had a steady stream of customers, in and out, and he assumes that's because so many people are still hurt, still grieving, after the town was ripped to shreds. And those who stayed need to do something, anything, to feel like they're helping. And buying flowers, that's normal, a relic remaining from before.

He understands that, deeply.

Dustin is still making a spectacle of choosing, so Lucas looks over his shoulder, and sees Erica sitting on the bench by the door of the shop, feet scuffing against the tile of the floor, ever so slightly. Uncharacteristically quiet. The way she's been since, well, since. He wishes she'd get up and come over and have an opinion just as strong as Dustin's.

Embarrass him, shame him, anything.

But she doesn't.

"You need to get these," Dustin finally declares, picking up a huge bundle of red roses.

"I can't afford those," Lucas hisses, because while he doesn't know the price, he knows they are damn well out of his price range. His allowance is good, but it's not that good.

"Can you put a price on love?" Dustin asks, like it's that simple.

Lucas takes the flowers from him, and puts them back, "Not those. Someday. But not today."

Dustin rolls his eyes, "Fine. Be a dumbass. See if I care."

And Lucas just stares through the glass, again. Still unsure. 

He isn't sure how long he's stood there, mulling, unable to choose, when he hears from behind them, "What are you little dickheads doing here?" 

Oh, thank god. Steve. 

Maybe he can rein in Dustin, or at the very least, distract him.

"What are you doing here?" Dustin crows, like he's caught Steve doing something he shouldn't be. 

"None of your business, you little twerp. And I asked you first," Steve says, and Dustin is getting wound up, Lucas can see it.

"Help me pick flowers for Max," Lucas says in a rush, cutting Dustin off before he has the chance to derail this opportunity.

"Well, you can't go wrong with red roses," Steve says, and Dustin throws his hands up in an 'I told you so' motion. 

That's not enough for Dustin, it never is, he has to rub salt in the wound, given an opportunity, so Dustin adds, "I told you so."

"I know, I know," Lucas says, conceding, "but I don't think that's, uh, exactly, right," Lucas says, "for the…occasion."

And Steve nods, like he's understanding what Lucas is laying down.

"Of course, you're totally right," Steve agrees, arm draped over his shoulders as he's standing next to him, also looking, while Dustin prances around impatiently. 

Lucas is leaning towards the yellow bouquet. It's pretty, and bright, and would really liven up Max's hospital room. Even if she can't see it. Even if she'll never know it's there.

When he brings her red roses, he wants her to know it.

"How about the yellow?" Steve asks, finger pushed against the glass, pointing at the arrangement that Lucas was contemplating.

"That's what I was thinking," Lucas admits, happy to have confirmation that it's a good pick.

"Max will love them," Steve says, and reaches in and plucks them out of the cooler, handing them to Lucas, then demands, "Henderson, go get him a blank get well soon card from the counter."

Dustin grumbles about it, but blunders away.

Once he's gone, Steve's voice is low, "You got enough, Sinclair? If not, I can loan you some cash."

It's nice. Steve is really Dustin's friend. Or even Erica's, in a weird way. But he still shows up when he's needed, and it hasn't gone unnoticed. 

"Thanks, Steve. But I think I do."

And Steve just nods, turning back towards the cooler, reaching in and grabbing a big bundle of the red roses.

Dustin reappears, and they both stare at Steve.

Steve looks back at them, "What are you little shitheads looking at? It's a classic, and I like what I like. You don't mess with what works."

"And red roses? They work?" Lucas asks.

"I told you that, asshole," Dustin says, adding his two cents, yet again. 

"For some occasions they definitely do, but these yellow ones? That's what you need for today," Steve reassures, and Lucas puffs out his chest, feeling happier, more confident about his decision. 

They both pay, and on the way out, Steve stops in front of Erica and pulls one of the roses out of the bouquet in his hand, holding it out for her to take. She rolls her eyes, but gives him a smile, and it's one of the few Lucas has seen her offer up in days, weeks.

Erica takes the rose, and Steve lowers his hand over her head, like he's going to touch her hair. Lucas wouldn't recommend it, but she takes care of herself, like always.

"Watch it, nerd," she says, batting his hand away, and Steve stops short of touching her, but he's made her happy. Lucas can tell, and he wishes he'd have thought of it first. Maybe it wouldn't have been the same, coming from him, her brother. Maybe it had to come from Steve Harrington, the ringleader of her beloved Scoops Troop.

"Good thing you showed up, we need a ride home," Dustin demands, not asking, never asking. 

"Maybe I have other places to be, Henderson. You ever think of that?" Steve snarks at him, holding up the roses, but he still unlocks his car, letting them all inside. Erica puts on her seatbelt beside him in the backseat, clutching the stem of the rose in her hands, looking out the window.

Lucas wonders when, if, things will ever go back to normal.

Dustin and Steve banter in the front seat, lobbing barbs back and forth that are familiar and normal, so Lucas supposes that's a start, at least.

Later that afternoon, Erica standing at his back, Lucas pauses in the doorway of the hospital room, listening to the steady beeps of all the machines keeping Max alive. The vase of yellow flowers in one hand, a new Stephen King book in the other. This time, he checked out Skeleton Crew from the library. It's a short story collection, and he likes the idea of having something new, something fresh, to read to her everyday during visiting hours. 

A new story for a new day.

She's still asleep, body still broken and trying to mend, and it squeezes at his heart. He doesn't know when they'll let her try to wake up. How long it might be, even if it has already felt like forever. Her hair is braided to the side, bold red against the white pillow, and that means El must have been here earlier. 

The vinyl creaks as Erica sits down on the couch behind him. She's been a near constant presence at his side since the Creel house. She goes where he goes, and he honestly has no complaints.

He places the flowers on Max's end table, and scoots the chair up as close to her bed as he can get it. Once he's situated, he cracks open the book, smoothing his hands over the borrowed pages, holding it in his lap, as he begins to read.

"This is what happened. On the night that the worst heat wave in northern New England history finally broke..."

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @astrangersummer and follow along with the fun! 🌞

Notes: The end book snippet is from The Mist, the first entry in Skeleton Crew.

[ftmtftm]

I’m sorry but until xenogenders and neopronouns can understand that I don’t want to “share my pronouns”, that I want to go through life as a normal, binary man, that I want assumptions to be made, that t isn’t some fun thing but a medical necessity for the rest of my life, that being trans isn’t a celebration but a condition for me and that I never want to be in a pride parade or even really open about it, until y’all can respect that, every single one of you, at least the fucking majority of you, then i can’t take anything seriously. I have been outed, assaulted, misgendered, and a whole bunch of other shit by “Tucutes” who walked all fucking over me as a binary trans person, I’ve been forced to be okay with they/them pronouns and been forced to be called the t-slur by a fake trans person because it was “affirming” for them to use on “other trans people”, I’ve been forced to wait years for t because the lines weee clogged up because people wanted to microdose it because they didn’t actually want the effects but they wanted to feel special, I’ve been outed as trans by fake trans people who want everyone to know what a cool catch I am, I’ve been told how gross t made me, I’ve been pushed out of every space that makes an effort to include as many people as possible because they start using rhetoric that sounds like the same rhetoric my transphobic father uses.

I cannot ever find joy in being trans, there is nothing to find joy in for me. Ever. I’m sick of people acting like it’s fun and silly and goofy. I’m sick of people appropriating a medical condition. I will always be sick of it. I am truly sorry that you had someone assault you and that they happened to be part of a community that I am also, but all transmeds want is some fucking respect for not doing this for whatever “euphoria” or political reason but because we fucking have to. All we want is respect and to not have our medical condition turned into playing make believe that you’re a “catgender” or an alien or whatever the fuck, do that on your own terms I don’t care, but the association with dysphoria and the fact that you will spit in the fucking faces of dysphoric binary trans people? That’s why transmeds exist

.

Bullet points because genuinely, my patience is beginning to run very thin for you anon. My ask box and the new post button have two separate functions and I think there is one you should be using instead of the other.

This is just attention seeking behavior at this point, and I'll give it to you and I'll be compassionate but I won't let your shit slide.

I'm sorry, but this is genuinely like looking in a mirror at my 15-20 year old self and it sucks and I honestly feel very sorry for you. Your pain and upset is very real. Your feelings do matter. And? You need to talk to a mental health professional. Serious advice. You need a therapist or some kind of support group if you do not have one already. That is a lot of baggage that deserves to be explored with someone who can genuinely help you in a controlled environment - not the askbox of random trans people you take issue with because they remind you of traumatic events in your life. Your triggers and people who remind you of people who have hurt you are your responsibility to deal with. It's not the business of people who are literally just living their lives in ways that make them happy. The world doesn't need to change around you for your own comfort, you need to change yourself to make yourself comfortable.

It's honestly okay if being trans makes you upset. It's okay to lament and even grieve a life you wish you had but can't have because you are not cis. Again though, that is not an issue that people who aren't like you are causing though. It's genuinely your business to deal with those emotions - not theirs.

You are not a doctor. You are not a medical professional. You are not the one giving care and other people's medical needs, decisions, and histories are none of your g'ddamn business. It is absolutely ridiculous that wait times are what they are and that access to care is not what it should be - but that is a failure of the system not the people. You legitimately sound like working class folks who complain about people on food stamps "taking up all the government resources" and people who complain that "immigrants are taking all our jobs" right now. You are putting the burden of the system onto the individual when it legitimately isn't their fault. Ultimately you are actively being failed by the medical system you are attempting to covet, not by your fellow trans people.

I've also been told I'm disgusting for being on T. I've also been told I'm disgusting for wanting facial and body hair, for feeling comfortable in my masculinity, for loving being a man in all of its complexities. Even by other trans people. You are not alone in that experience. The solution to working through those emotions isn't to throw conservative complaining about food stamps and immigrants level tantrums about it like you are doing now though.

Being trans can be fun. Being trans can be silly and goofy. Again, it might not be that way for you and it sounds like you've been in an environment where you're not allowed to love yourself for any reason, let alone for being trans, so it's probably very hard for you to conceptualize experiences outside of your own - but you sound... very young. I promise it gets better with time and distance. Please leave the environments you are in when you are able, they don't sound healthy for you.

Point of order: My ex was not a transmedicalist, by any means. I was assaulted by them and felt disgusting and dysphoric because of it and found transmedicalism on my own afterwards to try to validate my sense of self. I was hurt by someone else and then turned my hurt into a weapon. It sounds like you've been hurt and are also turning that hurt into a weapon. I hope some day you're able to put it down.

[kindofwriter]

Rewatching AP Bio and hear me out, I think it would have absolutely killed as a time loop show.

The first season seems pretty normal; he refuses to teach the kids, he tries to get revenge on Miles, he won’t grieve his mom, and he hates Toledo. Most importantly, he ends up screwing himself over for the Stanford job.

But then, instead of s1 ending with him agreeing to stay at Whitlock he does a Groundhog Day classic and gets hammered, waking up to a phone call the next day informing him that he’s late for his first day of teaching.

Confused but hungover and thinking Helen just misspoke/he mistook the dance for the last day of the semester when actually it wasn’t, he makes his way to school - late, like he was on the first day - so he crashes into the school sign, threatens to fight a guy on the street, then comes in to meet a class full of students who genuinely don’t know him.

So he spends a loop thinking he’s losing his mind, another pondering deeply about metaphysics, eventually he sees an opportunity to better his first round of Miles Missions and actually succeed in landing the Stanford job.

He enlists the kids in countless missions, again and again, but as he does so he starts to get to know them better and better. He becomes more and more inclined to abandon a Miles Mission to do something that helps one of his students. Eventually he starts to feel awful that his actions are trapping these kids in this loop, forcing them to, unknowingly, relive the same semester of high school forever.

Over time, as he realises none of the Miles Missions ever work, he starts actually teaching biology. He also does a decent amount of slacking off, teaching the students how to stand up for themselves, and getting to know them. He allows himself to grieve his mother, slowly, across several loops, and eventually starts to properly make her house his own. Instead of desperately trying to find that 25th woman to sleep with he admits that breaking up with Miles (because it only really works if they’re exes. Why suddenly so obsessed with this man you’ve known for two decades, Jack?) really hurt, and he has no right to be the one acting so cold about it.

In his final loop he’s friends with Durbin, he’s kind to Helen, he makes friends with Mary, Stef, and Michelle. He teaches some - though maybe not enough - biology and helps the students out with all of their personal problems. He redecorates his mom’s house and really settles down in Toledo. He asks Miles to meet him for a coffee and apologises. Miles says something that implies they could give things another shot if Jack moved to California. Jack says that he’d like that, but he’s really settled here, and it’s for the best that they part ways.

He helps with the Carrie plan at the dance, which now goes off without a hitch and really earns him the students’ respect. He then stays late to help clean up, which earns him the teachers’. And then he goes home, goes to sleep, and wakes up to the first day of winter vacation.

[xerith-42]

MCD Season 2 Garrance Headcanons because I am experiencing literal brain rot

-Laurance doesn't want anyone to notice or worry about him as usual, so he keeps it to himself how much he misses Garroth. Everyone misses Garroth, why does he have to be special? Well, Laurance, not everyone else wakes up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night and falls back into bed in a fit of tears because he isn't there to comfort them. Just an idea.

-Garroth got really good at noticing when Laurance wasn't sleeping well and forcing him to get extra rest if he needs it. Nobody pays as much attention to Laurance or his physical health. Nobody realizes how little he's sleeping until it's staring them in the face.

-That's not entirely true. Travis notices. Travis can tell from the moment he meets Laurance that the poor boy is carrying so much and as far as he can tell, nobody cares. Everyone is so preoccupied with whatever adventure is going on that nobody's slowed down to check in on Laurance. Normally Garroth would do that.

-And even when Travis tries to get past his walls, Laurance has only regressed. The man he trusted with his life is trapped in another dimension after thinking he didn't care about him, and the calling only gets louder every day. How can Laurance open his heart again when all it seems to do is put the people he cares about in direct danger? He tries not to be aggressive, but he's not very good at that. He's so angry at Garroth but also misses him bitterly and nothing makes any sense to him.

-Garroth thinks of Laurance while fighting Zane. Whenever Aphmau comes to visit he asks her about him, how he's doing, and he's increasingly frustrated when Aphmau is vague with her answers. He can't tell if it's because she doesn't want Garroth to worry, or worse, she doesn't actually check on Laurance like he needs.

-When Garroth comes back he has exactly three thoughts on his mind. "Thank Irene I'm alive. Thank Irene Aphmau is alive. Where is Laurance?" When Laurance isn't there, he's filled with a similar emptiness that Laurance experienced. He's never felt so cold. As if it's wrong not to hold Laurance in this moment.

-When Garroth realizes pretty quickly that Aphmau has suddenly moved on, he wants more than ever to have Laurance back to him. To have someone who's already gone through this be there to help console his broken heart. More than anything he just needs to see Laurance's face. To know he's alive.

-Like hold on I can't even gloss over this, Garroth comes back and it is another ten fucking episodes before Laurance shows up. All that time Garroth spent knowing that Laurance was at least alive, but he was suffering. His own brother barely stuck around because he was so worried about how unstable Laurance was. Even if he learned about the time rules of the Irene Dimension, it's still been like 15 and a half minutes for Garroth and suddenly everything is somehow even worse than when he fucked it all up.

-Aphmau is grieving a man who died for Garroth, Laurance is gone, Phoenix Drop is barely what it was before, his friends have been having lives without him, and all of this is Garroth's fault. If he hadn't been so foolish as to fall for Zane's deception, none of this would have happened. He tells himself this a lot. Some part of his mind can hear a fabrication of Laurance's voice trying to tell him that's not true, but it doesn't do a lot to console him.

-AND THE FIRST TIME HE SEES LAURANCE HE NEARLY HAS TO KILL HIM!! I'M SO SORRY BUT I CAN'T BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS! I just know Garroth was shaking when he saw Laurance because every part of his body is fighting him. This relic he hasn't gained control of just activated and is fully trying to protect Aphmau, ready to slay any enemy in his way. But when Garroth looks forward he wants to let out a sigh of relief and get to hug his best friend. He can't hurt him. But he also has to. It's so awful like I'm actually so mad about this scene and the fact that it seems to barely matter in the long term.

-And for Laurance?? He disappeared right as Aaron died, he knew what happened when he heard the explosion. Everyone was looking for the divine fragment, and he knew what the breaking of realm barriers sounded like. He knew it so well he couldn't even fight his shadow knight form. And just as he's about to reach the crater, he can hear Aphmau scream. Laurance knows he won't be able to hold back, so he has to run from her.

-When he sees Garroth again while trying to kill "Zane", there's a similar split in his mind. The calling is stronger than most of his emotions, he needs to feed it in order to silence it. But then Garroth is there. His best friend. One of the people Laurance cares about most. Then he's grateful the calling latched onto Aphmau. If he hadn't been her guard, it would have been Garroth. He's never felt more bittersweet seeing Garroth's big boy serious face stare him down.

-When things finally calm down, when they finally get a moment alone, Laurance is completely silent. His once endless musings about all the things he finds beautiful are gone. He just sits there in silence glaring at Garroth. He doesn't know if he can trust himself to open up again. What if the calling took over and he couldn't fight it? No reason to make Garroth attached to him and unable to take him down in an emergency.

-Garroth really honest to Irene wants to help Laurance so much but he doesn't fucking know what to do. He feels completely lost on how to get through to his old friend, and even if he asks the same questions once eagerly answered by Laurance, all he gets is silence. He hates how quiet Laurance is.

-The day that Laurance leaves is the first time Garroth has cried since he thought Laurance betrayed him. He's so good at keeping it together that even after the time travel, having his life threatened, learning what's become of this world and his family, learning that Aphmau moved on, he never cried. When Laurance leaves without saying it back, or even so much as a goodbye, Garroth finally breaks, sobbing as he clutches Laurance's scarf to his chest, weeping as his body curls in at the memory of Laurance's arms wrapped around him. Now it is Garroth's turn to mourn.

[virtie333]

Day 30 - Life Day Damerey Celebration

Prompt: Life Day

Summary: Poe's thoughts of Life Day after personal loss

Notes: I wrote this the day after Christmas last year, the first Christmas without my mom, and it kind of sums up what the holiday was like for me that year. 2022 was by far the worst year of my life.

On the day before I posted this, I received a negative... well, not a review, but a comment... on one of my Modern AU stories.

It made me wonder how, when so many people are just trying to live their lives the best they can through horrors and depression and thoughts of suicide, why someone would take the time to hate on someone they don't even know. My writing and sharing of fanfiction has literally kept me going through all the above, so I want to thank those of you who take the time to say good things, nice things, and who understand exactly what I have been going through, because they have been there.

Thank you.

Warnings: Talk of the death of a loved one

AO3

Poe sat quietly by himself on the far side of the room, watching the many people that filled the space, but not seeing them.

He hadn’t wanted to come tonight, but Finn had begged him to, and he couldn’t deny the people he loved anything. Finn’s excuse was that it was the first Life Day since he and Rose had been married, and Poe supposed that was an okay thing to be happy about. Firsts were important. Your first Life Day married. Your first Life Day after a war. Your first Life Day after a child was born.

Your first Life Day since your father died.

Kes Dameron had passed away over ten standard months ago, and Poe had thought he was done grieving and mostly back to normal, but the holiday reminded him that normal would never be the same. He would never stop grieving. Not really. It would come and go, ebb and flow, but it would never end. As long as he loved his father, he would mourn his father.

Life Day had always been a big deal in the Dameron household. Even after his mother died, his father managed to keep the traditions they had all celebrated together the same. Only now did Poe realize how hard that must have been for his dad, and he knew the grieving man had only done it for Poe. Every year, Life Day was celebrated with traditional songs, foods, and gift giving. Even when Poe wasn’t home on Yavin IV, they still found time to connect and share with each other the events of the day. Only during the few years of the war had they not done this, if only because Poe didn’t dare contact his father; there was no way he was taking the chance that the First Order would find Kes and use him against Poe, who had been on their Most Wanted list for years.

But then the war had ended. Poe was able to go home, and he and his friends were able to celebrate Life Day together at the Dameron Homestead. Within two years, Poe was married, had become a prominent advisor for the New Republic’s Department of Defense, and had become a father. Life was perfect.

Until Kes informed Poe he had been diagnosed with lung cancer.

The doctors believed it was a result of Kes’ exposure to toxic gases used by the Empire during the Galactic Civil War. Though minimal, it had eventually caught up with him. Poe and his family took leave from their respective jobs and came to Yavin IV immediately. They were by Kes’ side when he died two weeks later.

Life had gone on. Slowly but surely, things became better. Poe had dealt with death many times. Two of his best friends, Muran and Snap, both died in their fighters right before his eyes. Commanders and those under his command, friends and former friends. The hardest death had been Leia’s, but the eminent attack from Palpatine’s fleet had prevented him from focusing too much on that loss until much later. He had loved them all in one way or another, but none had been his father.

Now it was Life Day, that special holiday that he and his father had always managed to share the same delight in. And now his father was gone.

He wasn’t mad at the people around him for celebrating. He wasn’t jealous of their joy. In reality, he simply felt nothing. No sorrow. No resentment. He was just… empty.

It was while the group in front of him started singing one of his favorite songs for Life Day, Gaudete, a familiar and beloved presence appeared next to him. He closed his eyes, letting the ancient High Galactic language play in his ears as the feeling of comfort and peace filled him. The Force. Sometimes he thought it was the only thing that had gotten him through the last few months.

He felt his wife, the bearer of that powerful Force energy, tuck her hand under his arm and lay her head on his shoulder. She he never strayed far from his side this past horrible year, despite the fact they both had obligations away from each other. Even when they were apart, if he started having a depressive episode, she would know, and come to him. She claimed she wasn’t using the Force to read his emotions, but that she could simply tell by his voice, his body language, the look in his eye even over a holocom. And when she was with him again, life became bearable once more.

Which told him that it wasn’t the Force that had kept him going.

It was Rey.

She never pushed him to talk, but she listened when he did. She never told him he should talk to a councilor, but she encouraged him when he chose to. She never pressured him to ‘just do it’ when he didn’t want to. She was his silent support, her strength and love palpable, even to a non-Jedi like him. He asked her once how she could still be there after so many months of his moodiness and disassociation. She reminded him that he had done the same for her during the months following Exegol. It was how she fell in love with him.

And as Poe felt her physical and mental warmth fill him, he realized with a strange certainty that he was falling in love with her, all over again.

He heard the familiar giggle of his daughter, and looked over to see Suralinda dancing to the music with the almost 2-year-old toddler in her arms. Little Leia had a huge smile on her face, her cheeks rosy red from the excitement of the evening. For the first time in days, Poe felt a real smile form on his lips, and a new determination in his heart.

He would grieve this first Life Day without his father, as was expected. But by next year, his little girl would start making memories of her own, and Poe was determined to make them as good as his own memories were.

He looked at his wife, letting is smile carry over to her. She smiled back, then picked up his hand and kissed the back of it. “Happy Life Day, Poe.”

“Happy Life Day, my love.”

[theheirofthesharingan]

Hii!! What are your thoughts on those who say Itachi is a terrible person and on this opinion?? I know you love him so I would like to know your thoughts on this .

I have no opinions on his haters, except for the fact that I want them to keep their hate boner for him in their pants and the relevant tags and not slip into my notes, which unfortunately doesn't happen, because haters think their hatred for a morally grey anime boy makes them morally superior, and they can't fall asleep unless they have broadcasted this everywhere in the world. I've seen haters invade the most normal posts about him to express how agonized they are because people love a character they hate. Who'd tell them the world doesn't revolve around their hatred for one character? Give it a break already. You're allowed to hate him or whatever but stop acting like a prick and let people have fun without getting offended.

As to the opinion that he's a "terrible person."

Sighs.

People have a hard time separating a character's motivations/actions with his intent. When you're analyzing any character, there are two factors to be considered — Reason and Consequences. Itachi is judged based on the consequences of his actions rather than his reasoning behind them. Everything else, except for the character in question and his feelings, is secondary in his analysis. This fandom makes everything else primary when it analyzes Itachi, whereas his own experiences and trauma aren't taken into account. If he hadn't lived the life he did, his, the clan's, and eventually Sasuke's fates would have been completely different.

If he wasn't taken to the battlefield when he was four, he wouldn't have developed the desire to end the conflict in the first place. He might have been able to preserve his innocence a little bit longer.

If he wasn't sent to Anbu at the age of 10, or if Danzo tried to persuade his family and his family refused, he wouldn't have witnessed the darkness that consumed him slowly.

If Shisui hadn't died he would have one person he could rely on.

If his clan didn't consider him a traitor he might not have lost it either.

If his family hadn't given up on him after Shisui's death, MAYBE things wouldn't have gone as bad for anyone.

Not only the way the village treated him but also he way the clan treated him made it impossible for Itachi to put his trust in anyone.

He didn't choose any of this to happen to himself. These things did and he drew into himself, entirely incapable of trusting other people. So, if I'm analyzing Itachi's character his experiences and feelings are to be prioritized first and foremost.. The consequences come later on, the primary factor is always the reason behind his actions. Not just for Itachi, but for every character who falls in the same category that Itachi does.

Ah, yes... Itachi is so terrible as a person that —

When he saw war happening in front of him, dead bodies, pain on the faces of the dead, his first instinct was to stop this destruction instead of letting this to be their future.

When a bunch of seniors came to bully him (in the novel) clearly with the intent of violence against him, he chose not to fight with them, even though none of them stood no chance against him.

Whatever horrible thing he did — murdering his clan or destroying Sasuke's life — he didn't expect any redemption or forgiveness even if his parents would have forgiven him and Sasuke also forgave him. In canon, it's impossible to change his mind about his self-loathing. He took the responsibility of his actions and lived and died with it.

When he returned as Edo Tensei, he chose to protect people because he knew war was hell. You could argue he was under the influence of kotoamatsukami. But someone in complete control of kotoamatsukami wouldn't be disgusted with Kabuto for doing something that broke grieving hearts of the loved ones of the dead again, making people go through the agony they'd once witnessed. What kind of terrible person feels this way?

When he learned Kabuto was also used by the Shinobi world, just like he was, instead of leaving Kabuto in Sasuke's care, entrusting him to kill Kabuto, Itachi chose to save his life.

Anyone who came closer to knowing Itachi, who had nothing to do with the village or anything, couldn't help but respect and admire him, despite him being a renowned criminal. Kisame, Killer Bee, etc., for example. It's a pity that very few people did and those who did never bothered to know the truth behind the massacre. And the others were dead.

Itachi wasn't a bad person. He was placed in the terrible circumstances that demanded him to make decisions. If his life had been teensy bit easier or if he'd had someone to support and guide him, he would have been more aware of his own faults, weaknesses, and tried to find a different path to handle the same situations. Just because he took the moral responsibility of his actions doesn't mean he was the only one responsible for the mess. He seems to be in complete denial of his trauma and sufferings, which is why we never see him blaming others. He, too, judged himself for the horrible things he'd done, and that was why he wanted to die at Sasuke's hands to avenge the clan or be hated by Sasuke forever.

[flamingostalker]

bran my friend in my phone do you have favorite hobbit fic recs to share? I’ve read some of the big ones but spelunking around ao3 as if I am bilbo in the dark is not giving me great results

HELLO my fellow friend in my phone!! Yes I have quite a few😂 I've been taking WILD risks and reading A LOT so please have some of my favs I've found so far:

Sansûkh (obviously) (M) - once in a lifetime transformative work, did insane shit to my grieving brain.

The Riven Crown (E) - I think this one also gets recc'd a lot but it DESERVES IT. I love a good courtship/marriage of convenience situation. This also goes through the nitty gritty of survival through the winter and injuries as well, which I like to read. Satisfying slow burn and hilarious ending.

In the Shadow of Mountain Kings (E) - INSANEEEE fili/oc fic. Retells the company's journey. Don't be intimidated by "major character death" tag, as far as I remember nobody major dies? At least definitely none of the company dies.

lay your troubles down (E) - Bilbo fucks Thorin out of his goldsickness basically but like. much more fuvked up than that in a touch starved/afraid of intimacy kind of way. fucked me RIGHT up.

On Chokeberries and Mushrooms (NR) - Bilbo trying to keep himself from being a burden to the Company, even though he knows he physiologically needs more food than they do. I'm very normal about food.

Green-Handed (G) - sometimes...a hobbit's hands turn green...to cope??? Like a modified Hanahaki disease type of fic. Very fun.

Oak and Mistletoe (T) - AU where Thorin has a mysterious illness where he can't appreciate any sensations. Bilbo does mistletoe magic on him to help. Very cute.

Something to Start With (T) - Thorin and Bilbo thoroughly convinced the other doesn't want to see them. They start talking again because Bilbo notices the GIGANTIC GAPING HOLE in Thorin's foot🥰 hooray for romantic wound care

You Got Me (G) - the company gets to know Bilbo and gives him gifts. VERY cool moments in here for the Nori appreciators especially💜

The "Dying" Hobbit (T) - Oin mishears Bilbo and the whole company thinks he's dying when he just has a little cold. Gandalf doesn't help. Mostly very cute but the Fili and Kili scene SNIPED my ass unexpectedly and did make me cry😂

Twist, Twirl, Dance, Clap (G) - the company teaching Bilbo to dance! very cute🥰

Confidence (T) - trans men Bilbo, Thorin, and Fili that's not porn🥰 you would not believe how hard that is to come by. Not much to this one I guess but I just like holding them in my hands💜

The Color of Possibility (T) - Bilbo saves Thorin from Azog's blade, but now Thorin refuses to see him. And the company is being very unhelpful with trying to arrange a meeting🤔

May Your Forge Burn Bright (E) - AU where Bilbo on a whim purchases the smithy in Bree where Thorin works. Lots goin on in there to keep you reading.

Something Blue (M) - Bilbo/Thorin marriage of convenience but fili/ori subplot as well. Thorin "married Bilbo for political reasons" you know how it goes. Also, Dain gets reallllll comfy with Bilbo🧐

And those are all the ones from ao3 that live in my head rent free! I have more if you like, but I will say I also look at xreader fics and imagines and shit. Always fun to see what the girlies are saying.