#because you same people talk about getting offline more often

[elitebutterfly]

many blogs on here be like

anonymous ask: a vague two-sentence statement about feeling not so great and wanting to change with little to no context about their life or what’s causing them to feel the way they do

“level-up” “hypergamy” blogger: so what. no one cares about your feelings. literally not a single one not even your best friend not even your mom not even your dog. everyone else around you is literally out here earning ivy league degrees and 8 figures and your stupid ass is still going to therapy because you’re weak. you were born into this world alone because and you’ll go out alone because no you don’t actually have friends or family or loved ones. nothing you process in the world exists only do you and thats why all of your problems are your fault. hell yeah solipsism. you should listen to what i’m saying because i am a one size fits all and if you even marginally disagree thats a you problem bestie. step it the fuck up. hell yeah let me pin this so everyone on this hellsite knows that I’m all about tough love and all of you soft bitches are beneath me. blah blah blah mindset mindset queen mentality level up hypergamy mindset money billionaire 

[olderthannetfic]

Being a trans man and not being an anti is also isolating, which is part of why I think trans guys gravitate towards either being an anti or reposting anti posts. If you're not an anti, you get booted from discord servers, blocked on social media at best or sent misgendering rape threats, death threats and suicide bait by other trans men at worst, and now that I'm in college I've found IRL that not being an anti makes a lot of people in queer spaces available to the average college student incredibly uncomfortable. So you have to either be entirely alone - which is very difficult when you're young, queer, and just coming into your own identity - or you have to be around it a lot without saying a word. Agreeing with it at first wouldn't even be necessary. You just have to not say anything against it, and then you'll be able to be around other people.

It doesn't help that most trans men who get sucked into anti circles are teens at the time. There's 501 proposed anti-LGBT laws right now, not counting everything that has passed, the majority of it anti-trans. If you're a teenage boy seeing all this transphobia on the rise, you're going to feel powerless. Bullying people like antis do makes you feel power over at least a few people. Being told you can consume your way into being a good person via media intake makes you feel like you have power and control over at least that.

I was sucked in incrementally because I wasn't exposed to the more violent antis who fantasized about murder and hurting people for writing fiction, I met my only friend - who was an anti - after my dad had beaten me for coming out as trans, and I was sixteen. I got out when I was eighteen because once I went to live with my mom, a psychologist, she gently corrected me when I would say things that aren't based in fact. She pointed out how upset these people were making me. She taught me how to fact-check claims and look into the veracity of claims.

And when I tried to convey to my friends that no, what they were saying wasn't supported, they turned on me. Including the only person who had been there for me when I was hatecrimed, who had reached out to me specifically because she met me what day. I lost every friend I had in roughly 30 hours.

If I hadn't had a really great mom, a very intelligent rabbi who's well-versed in psychology and is a former lawyer who saw the "fiction made me do it" excuse used to defend heinous crimes and doesn't buy it, and an older half-sister who lived through people calling her a psycho lesbian because she's a lesbian who played D&D, listened to metal and dressed Goth in small-town Montana in the 80's/90's, I would have probably killed myself. Having those three people who accepted me and did not accept this extremist rhetoric kept me sane and repaired my self-esteem enough to keep me going.

But a lot of people don't have three adults who are intelligent, supportive, and know better than to fall for this faux-psychology. A lot of people don't even have one. Often, they have unsupportive people who also believe firmly in the faux-psychology of "if you watch a thing you'll do that thing IRL". So there's not only no one hauling them out of this, it's getting reinforced.

Being a non-anti who is a trans man gets me a lot of shit from a lot of people online and offline. (As other anons have mentioned during the ace discourse, online talking points come up on college campuses and in real life, because the internet is not an alternate dimension, it is something being used by the people around you who exist in the same physical space as you.)

A reality that I don't think people want to discuss is that trans men, just like all other people of all other genders, suffer a lot of psychological distress if they're put in a position where they have no support. I sure as fuck wasn't happy being in a position where I went from having tons of online friends, discord servers I could hang out in and fandoms I associated with good vibes to none of that, plus harassment, plus massive misgendering.

It's a lot less awful of an existence to be a trans man and an anti when you're young and need community and support than it is to not be an anti and be isolated. And humans gravitate towards the least awful option 99% of the time.

--

Yuuup.

Having some kind of real support network, usually offline but at the very least not randos you met a day ago on discord, is vital and is the difference between not only whether you rot in a pit of antidom forever but in stemming the massive flood of trans teen suicides. The overall queer rates aren't great, but the specifically trans rates... they're bad. They're so, so bad.

[deramin2]

Essek constantly gushing about his partner but pointedly not giving his name hits me so hard in the feels.

Two formative childhood experiences for me:

ONE

I was severely, mercilessly bullied as a child at every school I went to even if they're was no overlap of kids, and authority figures either ignored me or directly told me it was my fault. I was socially toxic. Any other kid who publicly associated with me was also targeted for harassment. I was best friends with a girl around the corner but because I was a couple years younger (in itself an invitation for bullying) and a parish, we could never let anyone know we were friends.

I've been told I should be upset at her for this, but it wasn't her fault. It was the other children who made it a fact that she would be harmed by publicly being my friend. She didn't make those rules, we were both just honest that it existed and there was nothing we could do to change that. The best we could do to survive was at least protect her. And that benefited me by actually having a friend.

So if we talked about each other it was"my friend." No names. No acknowledging we knew each other in public. No introductions to other friends. Keeping that divide up was necessary to survival. I had a couple friends on the same freak level as we and we were in fact targeted with additional harassment to get to the other person. It was a legitimate threat to live with. At some point I just stopped thinking it was ever necessary to reveal who my friends or family are unless it's both explicitly relevant and necessary.

TWO

I learned to use the internet in the late 1990s when anonymity was considered a best practice. Don't give out your age, sex, location, or other identifying information. You don't know who is on the other side of that screen or what they will do to you if they know. Sperate your online and offline worlds to protect yourself.

This helped reinforce experience one because clearly adults also acted like those kids and this just normal human behavior no one will ever put a stop to that you need to be on guard for at all times. Build in air gaps so if one of you is compromised it's harder for the perpetrator to get to other people you care about. Defending them through anonymity is a way of showing you love them.

Also since some family are searchable through have state government jobs that right-wing nut jobs chips target them for, I wanted to make sure they couldn't be connected to me as a queer trans disabled person active online. In case something I said led to them being targeted.

(This is correct advice, even though it flies in the face of modern online conventions. There are tons of malicious people on three internet who will target you and anyone you love if they decide to hurt you.)

RESULT

By default, I refer to people by their relationship to me, not their name. My friend, my partner, my parent, my family, someone I know, etc. Often I avoid gendering them to make it even harder to identify them. I have to consciously consider if the person I'm talking to has any reason to know my associate's name. Blacklist everyone, then whitelist exceptions.

I do this even if both people know each other because the specific association feels dangerous. Better to be viewed as acquaintances than a meaningful relationship that changes how either of us could be viewed. It's not even really a judgement on thinking the person is untrustworthy, I just don't want to spend any extra energy thinking about it. It doesn't even feel relevant because my relationship to this person fellas like it conveys more information that actually matters.

ESSEK

Essek knows both he and Caleb are being targeted by powerful people who have shown they will target loved ones to get to them. Additionally, tensions between the Empire and Dynasty are still high and it could very easily compromise how their own sides view them if it's known that they're romantically entangled with someone from the other side. It could also blow each other's cover and make their meeting places more vulnerable to attack. Especially if their enemies know they could hit both of them at once.

It's genuinely dangerous for their connection to be known, so they don't name names. It's not even a matter of whether Bell's Hells would intentionally misuse that information, but what they also could just let slip to the wrong person. It's not really worth the risk when "my partner" is all the information they actually need to understand him.

My guess is that Essek said "Bren" is hiss partner because they already know a Bren sent them to Astrid. And since Caleb no longer uses the name Bren it would be much harder to connect them. It would have caused more questions, more prying, and more risk to give no name for his partner when directly pressed. So he gives a truthful but less dangerous answer. The anonymity is an act of love.

[andmaybegayer]

can you actually talk about bitwarden / password managers, or direct me to a post about them? Idk my (completely uneducated) instinct says that trusting one application with all your passwords is about as bad as having the same password for everything, but clearly that isn’t the case.

So it is true that online password managers present a big juicy target, and if you have very stringent security requirements you'd be better off with an offline password manager that is not exposed to attack.

However, for most people the alternative is "reusing the same password/closely related password patterns for everything", the risk that one random site gets compromised is much higher than the risk that a highly security focussed password provider gets compromised.

Which is not to say it can't happen, LastPass gets hacked alarmingly often, but most online password managers do their due diligence. I am more willing to stash my passwords with 1Password or Bitwarden or Dashlane than I am to go through the rigamarole of self-managing an array of unique passwords across multiple devices.

Bitwarden and other password managers try to store only an encrypted copy of your password vault, and they take steps to ensure you never ever send them your decryption key. When you want a password, you ask them for your vault, you decrypt it with your key, and now you have a local decrypted copy without ever sending your key to anyone. If you make changes, you make them locally and send back an encrypted updated vault.

As a result, someone who hacks Bitwarden should in the absolute worst case get a pile of encrypted vaults, but without each individuals' decryption key those vaults are useless. They'd still have to go around decrypting each vault one by one. Combining a good encryption algorithm, robust salting, and a decent key, you can easily get a vault to "taking the full lifetime of the universe" levels on security against modern cryptographic attacks.

Now there can be issues with this. Auto-fill can be attacked if you go onto a malicious website, poorly coded managers can leak information or accidentally include logging of passwords when they shouldn't, and obviously you don't know that 1Password isn't backdoored by the CIA/Mossad/Vatican. If these are concerns then you shouldn't trust online password managers, and you should use something where you remain in control of your vault and only ever manually handle your password.

Bitwarden is open source and fairly regularly audited, so you can be somewhat assured that they're not compromised. If you are worried about that, you can use something like KeePassXC/GNU Pass/Himitsu/ (which all hand you the vault file and it's your job to keep track of it and keep it safe) or use clever cryptographic methods (like instead of storing a password you use a secret key to encrypt and hash a reproducible code and use that as your password, e.g. my netflix password could be hash(crypt("netflixkalium", MySecretKey)), I know a few people who use that method.

Now with any luck because Apple is pushing for passkeys (which is just a nice name for a family of cryptographic verification systems that includes FIDO2/Webauthn) we can slowly move away from the nightmare that is passwords altogether with some kind of user friendly public key based verification, but it'll be a few years before that takes off. Seriously the real issue with a password is that with normal implementations every time you want to use it you have to send your ultra secret password over the internet to the verifying party.

[upon-a-starry-night]

Number Neighbors Pt.7

Natasha Romanoff x Fem! Reader

Natasha Masterlist Series Masterlist

Word Count: 1k

Summary: When you catch sight of the newest trend going around you know you’re all but bound to at least try it, it was harmless anyway. What could possibly stem from something so little

~

Nat quickly became your new internet best friend- if not your only friend. She started opening up her humor to you after you trauma dumped and in return, you began sending her memes as a symbol of your alliance. Occasionally she would humor you with a random picture of a sunset or a tree. You’d already known she lived somewhere in New York thanks to the area code on the phone number but you enjoyed experiencing the small window into her life and the fact that she was comfortable enough to send you those pictures.

It was a huge step in your friendship in your opinion.

The two of you began texting almost nightly, you would share something about how work was going (not the same job as before that one kind of um- fell to pieces-literally), and some nights you’d share how you felt about coming home and being alone all the time. She always listened and provided a substantial amount of comfort and advice- and though she never said anything you had a feeling maybe she was going through the same.

She never opened up as much as you did, although there was one brief mention of a single sibling. But the way it was phrased made you too afraid to ask her about it. You could feel how ice-cold the topic was from across the phone. You wondered if she regretted telling you or if she even realized she did.

—-

Nat loved her Avengers family with everything she had but there were some things she just couldn’t share with them. Talking to you- a kind of- complete stranger on the internet was almost therapeutic for her. Maybe it was just wishful thinking but even over text you had a warm and open energy about you. Maybe you wouldn’t judge her for everything she did-though you’d probably be biased based on your admiration for her. 

She wondered if you’d have that same energy in person. Wondered if you were the kind of person to talk with your hands or if you kept to yourself more. She knew plenty of people who were open over text and shy in person.

Sometimes you reminded her of Wanda. She thinks the two of you would get along. Not that you’d ever meet. You were Natasha’s secret guilty pleasure, and despite the small desire- she knew you two would never meet.

Without the heat of being “The intimidating Black Widow,” Nat felt more inclined to show you her more witty side, often ending in you sending a blurry picture of your middle finger or on one very specific occasion- A voice memo of you sneezing. Something about emphasizing your point of being “allergic to stupidity”.

She refused to admit she laughed at it for longer than she should have.

She told herself not to get too attached but in her line of work your overwhelming positivity and constant shenanigans were a welcome change from her often gloomy occupation.

Nat was used to texting you every other day by this point, when she began going on more frequent missions she found herself worrying that you would think she was ghosting you so she told you her work was complicated and sometimes required her to go offline for long periods of time. 

You told her you understood and sent her a meme about the economy before going into a long tangent about how jobs these days expected over achievement with minimal pay and it was outrageous. 

She didn’t quite understand why she was so worried about what you thought of her. Normally she wouldn’t care what anyone thought of her. The other Avengers were lucky if they got a text back from her on the same day- let alone more than a one-worded response.

She guessed maybe it was because she wasn’t used to hearing such good things about herself, the government was scared of what she could do (rightfully), the public had conflicting opinions about her- and most of the time it was only kids that looked at her without any fear or contempt. But you talked about how much you admired her bravery as an Avenger but also as a woman in such a public light with so much pressure on her shoulders. She was the first female Avenger after all.

One evening she made the mistake of telling you she didn’t think ‘Black Widow’ was all that. She had to sit through two hours of angry paragraphs from you and links to several videos of herself from the battle of New York and doing interviews for cable shows. She’d ended up apologizing and agreeing with you that she was the strongest Avenger.

 In reality, she sat on her bed for nearly an hour after your conversations with unshed tears she refused to let fall. That was the exact moment her heart had decided you weren’t a stranger to her anymore- and she didn’t have it in her to argue against it.

Your resilience was a trait she’d learned to admire, especially when it came to her… but not when it came to her choice of colored attire. 

        Y/n🍦:

Y/n🍦:

I’m seriously considering the

possibility of you being a robot.

What do you think?

Nat🔪:

I think you're an ass.

Y/n🍦:

I’m just saying-

gray is so monotone and you’re

Too fierce for that

Nat🔪:

So what color would you give me?

Y/n🍦:

Maybe black?

Hmmm

Nat🔪:

Wow, a striking upgrade

Why not just suggest dark gray?

Or how about light black?

Y/n🍦:

No, you’re obviously too

Sassy for black.

I’m thinking…

Red.

Your ability to perceive Nat through the screen never failed to amaze her. Truthfully she didn’t want to plaster her favorite color over everything because she was scared it would make things too personal. Too homey. But here you were guessing her favorite color just from her online personality. 

Truth be told, this was the most openly herself she’d been in a while. She wondered- if only briefly- if you could guess everyone’s favorite colors that easily-

or just hers.

Nat🔪:

Yeah. 

I can see it.

Nat couldn’t keep the grin from overtaking her face. 

You were something else, weren’t you? 

It was dangerous how easily you could brighten her day.

She found herself not caring as much as she usually would about that.

Pt.8

A/n: I'M BACK FROM THE DEAD!! Sorry I was gone for so long :( i'll keep updating this story as often as possible!!

-------

Taglist

@marvelwomen-simp @cd-4848 @wandanatlov3r @rebeltombraider @ctrlamira @fxckmiup @aliherreraaa

@natsxwife @la-douler-ne-finite-jamais @romanoffsgal

@moistblobfish

[sageistri]

I actually love how chronically offline Jimin is. I love how private he is in general. Celebrities share too much these days. Like, I don't need to know your every thought or know everything you're doing, how you're doing it and when you're doing it. Jimin talks about his music and that's it, people don't need to know anything else. And we really don't. We're fans because of who he is as an artist, who he is as a private individual is none of our businesses. And I'm glad he makes that distinction, that he keep those boundaries, specially considering how parasocial k-pop fans can get.

I remember last year seeing the Iives Jungkook would make and thinking that's probably gonna backfire on him. He was showing his entire house, being shirtless in his bed, sleeping on stream, telling armys they're his girlfriend. And then you have Jimin who kept making lives in the company and barely showed his house. Which was the right decision considering the mess that was made over the little people knew about his house.

I think Jimin really knows what he's doing. He knows that he needs to be careful. Maybe it's because he could never get away with being careless the way the others could so he had to learn how to very mindfull of the way he behaves publicly. Remember, he used to be way more active online and I think that changed for a reason.

And we do end up missing him more because we don't see him as often, but he's here for a reason, to be a singer and performer, and if he's not currently doing that then there's nothing for us to know.

No you're right and I pray it stays that way.

Honestly availability, having a more casual relationship with fans and being seen as "cool and relatable" because you keep up with all the memes, join the latest dance challeges and have a full and aesthetic Instagram makes an artist a social media darling and has helped a lot of artists grow an audience. I can admit that being private can be a double edged sword because its hard for people to connect or relate sometimes.

For example I think another reason why kpop stans vibe with taekook more is because they have these lives where they recommend songs from other artists and have name dropped their faves, join these challenges and you can tell they put in the effort to get recognition for these challenges while jimin doesn't do all that. He doesn't post, doesn't name drop groups or other artists he knows or listens to, and even when he joins a dance challenge he does it because he has to and you can tell he isn't putting in that much effort. I think the only time you could tell jimin wasn't just having fun with or halfassing a dance challenge was the guilty challenge with taemin and of course that was his dance challenge with the best reception.

But at the same time being too available barely ever ages well. Everyone has more ammunition over you, nitpick your words and actions... jimin doesn't even speak and he's still topic number 1 for everyone so imagine a situation where they have something to actually hold on to because they misinterpreted something he said. Also that air of mystery is something that I think artists should try and hold on to because most times you lose your appeal when you lose it.

Let's use Beyonce as an example. Everyday people complain that the reason why her side businesses don't do as well as Rihanna's is because she's too exclusive and that there's nothing for the general public to relate to, and they're right. I also think not taking herself too seriously is the reason why Rih's music aged better than Beyonce's. But Beyonce still being this relevant at her age after over 2 decades in the industry is simply because of the air of mystery surrounding her.

[ceph-the-ghost-writer]

Get To Know Your Moots Writeblr Interview

Tagged by @ink-flavored (here) to do this event created by @davycoquette (question template here)! Thanks to both of you.

To anyone seeing this, consider yourself tagged in addition to @sunset-a-story @touloserlautrec @sarahlizziewrites @k--havok @thatndginger @oliolioxenfreewrites @the-scaredy-crow @words-after-midnight @space-writes @vacantgodling @jezifster @ghostpoetics @lacependragon @xenascribbles @afoolandathief @drawnecromancy @the-ace-of-wrath

[ID: A thin border divider showing a sliver of a golden sky streaked by rain clouds above a dark blue sea.]

ON THE TUMBLR WRITING COMMUNITY

How long have you had your writing Tumblr/Writeblr?

Since, like, 2020? Somewhere thereabouts.

What led you to create it?

Wanting to connect with writers/readers outside of Ao3 (it's just not set up for conversations outside of comment threads). And wanting to raise my characters up like baby Simba at the start of The Lion King for more of the Internet to behold.

What’s your favorite thing about the Writeblr community?

It's about the connection. 🤌 Plenty of writing communities, both on and offline, focus on critique or getting something published. Which can be great, if it's what you're after. But I think having others who genuinely cheer you on and let you ramble is just as important to helping writers through the often messy process of creating.

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

I can be a bit shy or slow to interact, but once I'm invited in I'll haunt follow your blog or writing even if I'm not constantly saying anything.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

People talking about what they love, in published work and with writeblr stuff. A lot of the time I read or watch something because of the way others talk about it. That includes your own writing!

What tips/advice do you have for someone who made a Writeblr today?

Be patient, manage your expectations, and focus on having some fun. There's no algorithm here and even less clout. Writers can and do build audiences on Tumblr, but it's uniquely suited to allow us to experiment and be weird too.

WIP IT GOOD

Which Works-in-Progress (WIPs) or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

I'm rewriting Apophenia, a novel about a supernatural researcher enduring the worst assignment of his life. A lot of my other projects are set in the same world.

How long have you been working on them?

Over five years now, I think! I'm slow.

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

The Chocolate Box event on Ao3! The prompt was for a human captured by a vampire, but I wound up creating an entire world and series. Oops.

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

If I'm not thinking about these characters it's only because I'm dead.

When someone asks the dreaded, “What do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

Gay vampire trash.

What do you want to say (if it’s different from what you do say)?

I write about characters who struggle towards community, compassion, and being better people despite a) their flaws, and b) the world burning down around them. I hope that it gives me the courage to continue doing the same.

LET’S ROTATE BLORBOS

Name any characters you created.

I'll direct you to some mood boards/intros even: Isaac Soto Márquez, Renato Faria Dimas, Dorian St-Ange, Kinslayer, Elfy Bosques-Rodriguez, Ankaris the Memory Salesman, Fior the Master Transcriber, Vess the Collector. And here's a comic sans presentation for Apophenia.

Who’s the most unhinged?

Outwardly? Any of my necromancers. They come in a wide variety of styles, from Motley sewing patches of skin onto itself, to Acacius of Antioch who drapes his bejeweled and gilded bones in black veils. Each also has an, um, unique view of (un)life, the body, and ethics. Views which could come across as unhinged.

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

At this point Isaac Soto, the protagonist of Apophenia. We do share a few similarities, but mostly I've just been writing him for years now.

Do you ever cringe at them?

At my characters or their antics? I wouldn't give them the satisfaction.

How much control do you feel you have over your characters?

They do frequently just spring ideas and actions on me, but I have the ultimate say in what makes it onto the page. Same with having the power/responsibility of changing something I realize isn't working, is insensitive, etc.

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters?

Always and forever, yes. 💜 Send me asks, comment in the tags or on Ao3, shriek in reblogs, replies, or a dm. It doesn't matter how--I love whenever someone is curious or interested enough to ask something about my fictional creations.

ON WRITEBLR ENGAGEMENT

What makes you want to follow another Writeblr account?

Sometimes it's based on vibes, sometimes I really like the sound of their stories. I appreciate a sense of whimsy and/or humor especially. And someone who likes spooky as well as fantasy stuff.

What makes you decide against following?

Two things: A) Their intro already has, like, 80+ notes (though the vibe/story will override this), and B) lots of posts hating on things/trends/people. I don't mean venting or sometimes ranting, which is everyone's right. I mean someone's whole brand is ridicule or just immediately seeing the bad in everything. Which is still their right. It's also mine to avoid it, and I think this is mutually beneficial. Thankfully, though, this experience has been very rare for me on writeblr.

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

I try to. I'll reblog, read, comment, take an open tag, whatever when I have the energy. I mean, how else do writers get readers? It takes people who might not know you personally talking about your work a lot of the time.

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

I am absorbing the essence of your blorbos as we speak, making them an eternal part of me.

[velandvithestarlightgullwings]

Only the Knowingly Ignorant and the Privileged decide to sit out Voting

As a black women that has not only engaged in both online and offline canvassing but have engaged in tons of arguments and debates on Reddit, Tumblr, Tik Tok (not twitter because Nepo Baby Elmo Muskrat will never get my patronage), I've talked to many of people, Gay, Enby, Straight, Black, White, Rich, Poor, Young, and Old. I've been talking so much, I hate the sound of my voice. And I've noticed a trend. There have been so many people who need to vote refuses to do.

Whether its from a defeatist mindset that their vote means nothing, the "Enlightened Centrists" (That always tend to have more complaints about democratic party than the GQP) that like to preach that BoTh SiDeS bAd who will often invoke George Carlin (one of my faves) while not understanding that he was a staunch liberal and would actively shit on them had he lived to this point, voting Third/Green Party, or the Palestine-Israel conflict, and those that need the US to fall to bring a new, left leaning country from its ashes.

The truth is that those that live in privilege or willfully ignorant will often cite these excuses. Now, I'm not talking about the uninformed. That group are sincerely not in the know and just need a gentle push to get them on the right path of understanding. They legit only vote like every four years and need to be caught up because live is tough out there and they don't have enough time to be this deep into politics.

I mean the ones that purposely ignore any sort of information given to them and will choose not to vote for any of the reasons above. They will refuse reason to a near insane degree to keep themselves willingly ignorant and the privileged that believe "Oh, it can never happen in the good US of A!" or "I'm Rich as fuck, this won't touch me!" or even "I will make YOU burn for Palestine, even if they won't feel YOUR warmth because YOU have to suffer with them!"

You can lead those horses to water but they will refuse to drink.

They know about women rights being stripped away, they know that LGBTQ people are being seen as something they are not, they KNOW that predominately black and other POC will suffer the most from Trump's Agenda 47/Heritage Foundation's Project 2025, and they know that if America, being the leader of the free world (Whether they want to admit it or not) falls to Trump again, many other countries will follow suit.

And yet they will still say "Well, my vote won't matter/still voting Stein/MAGA 2024!/It won't happen here/Both sides still bad/Palestine needs to be saved, so nyeh!"

So, I want to go point-by-point to debunk all of this.

Both Sides Bad: Now, this one should be easy to debunk. While many of us is aware that both the Democratic Party and the GQP, much like us Poors, live by Wu Tang's C.R.E.A.M, there are a lot of fucking differences.

When one side is actively trying to strip rights away, burn books, call those in the LGBTQ family groomers, threaten teachers and librarians for teaching their students, make Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion an outright slur, and other heinous shit in the name of their version of GOD aka while the other side is dragging them kicking and screaming toward progress, both sides are definitely not the same.

Hell, the GQP seem to not even life by C.R.E.A.M because the reality is that they are constantly making horrible decisions that are costing the country money. (But then again, if Black people and other "Undesirables" gain from it, they will do all they can to fuck everyone over but that's a discussion for another day.)

Green Party/Third Party Voting: When was the last time a third party won anything? I'll answer that. NONE. The only one who was close was Teddy Roosevelt and even he couldn't do it. Even Bernie Sanders, someone who ran as independent, realized that it was better to work with the Democratic Party to get anything done.

Until Ranked Voting becomes a thing, the Third/Green Party will never win anything. And even outside of that, let's look at our choices. Jill Stein, a known Putin Shill, Cornell West, a known tap-dancer for those sweet, sweet MAGA dollars, and RF-Oh wait! RFK JR is on Trump's side because he was always a stooge that was there to try to take votes from Biden, only to take votes from Trump with his dog-eating, sexual assaulting, bear killing, whale killing, self.

Hm, I see how that could happen.

So with a Tap Dancer and a Putin Shill as the leaders of the Third/Green Party, they are just shades of red.

Voting doesn't matter: Now this is just objectively false as the GQP have been trying to restrict voting in many ways from gerrymandering to outright purging voters (as seen in Texas) and if we look at history, so many elections (not only nationally but statewide) have been narrow as fuck with only a handful deciding it all.

It won't Happen Here: This one is also objectively false. People have often said that Project 2025/Trump's Agenda 47 is a "Leftist Boogeyman" while not understanding that a lot of what is in there is happening in many states already such as Florida, Texas, Georgia, Louisiana for example with voters rights being hindered, women's rights being ripped apart and climate change causing plenty of damage, and CRT being under constant attack.

Look at how many doctors have fled from these states since RvW (Which was all thanks to Trump's two SC picks and surprise, also in P2025) was struck down, causing women to be in grave danger down there. Look at how Trans people can't even change their names and are being put on some kind of watchlist. and do I need to talk about the million of voters that were just purged and that Latino woman's house being raided for legally helping people register to vote?

Palestine: I've railed against the performers about this subject plenty and I'm honestly sick of it. This entire conflict has been going on for 78 years versus one year that people realized it was the next protest trend after their love of Ukraine died. All that Palestinians wanted was for us to make things known and donate to their causes and that turned into "We all have to die to make sure they live" which actually means "YOU have to lose all your rights and die so THEY can lose and die" because we all know that if Trump wins, his bestest buddy Netanyahu can destroy Palestine without impunity and without Harris calling for that pesky Ceasefire. Also with the help of Jared Kushner, Trump can make that beachfront property that would look oh so good.

Palestine already told us what they need to do to help and that is to make sure Trump doesn't win and many seem to not know that because they are doing what they THINK they want them to do. And if proof is needed, look at my Tumblr page as I have proof of all the points that I have made and tons of reblogs with FURTHER proof.

And finally...

Anarchists and Accelerationism: This one just pisses me off. A lot of people who have railed against people voting and voting for third parties and Trump believe that if Trump wins, a revolution will come and they will achieve their perfect leftist paradise from the ashes.

SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH YOUR FANFIC BULLSHIT!

Do you understand that with any revolution comes death and a loser? The first group of people that will suffer is not the rich fucks that rule, it will be you, your family, your friends and that's later on down the line.

The first group that will suffer immediately would be Black people and only minorities. We would be the first ones dying for this so-called revolution before anyone else would feel it. And not only that, you all act like you would win when the GQP would be the ones with the army and the hightech weapons while you have what? WHAT? You're just talking out of your ass.

It is very, very rare that the underdogs win and on the sliiiim chance the revolution wins, what will be left? Look at other countries who did the revolution and then look at the immediate destruction and destabilization that happened, which then gave way to more atrocities which put the "Winners" in an even worse state they were in at the start.

And those that want this don't even realize that they won't be the leader of the resistance. They will either be dead or an underling.

Wake up from that dream.

So if any of you see anyone saying "Don't vote" and they AREN'T Palestinians (because I will not hold them to this), don't even entertain their bullshit because they are in

[csuitebitches]

Book Review/ Notes from: The Psychology of Successful Women

I found the book pretty generic but I liked the fact that she added guiding questions to her strategies, which made it more doable. Here are the notes:

1. Define what success means to you. Ensure that it is healthy and holistic.

2. Note down your goals. “What do i want to be/do/have in my career?”

“A study on goal setting at the Dominican University in California showed you are 42% more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down. Written goals are proven to increase your focus, strengthen motivation and help you come up with a plan of attack to make your dreams a reality.”

3. We need a combination of the right mindset + behaviour in order to actually succeed.

4. Confidence isnt relative to being an extrovert or introvert. Confidence is about having trust in oneself.

A) developing a positive internal dialogue instead of a negative, critical one

B) focus on strengths rather than weaknesses. “.. revealed that people who used their strengths every day were three times more likely to report having an excellent quality of life, six times more likely to be engaged at work, 8% more productive and 15% less likely to quit their jobs.”

C) stop comparison - whether it means logging off social media or unfollowing/restricting certain people.

D) click with people with the same values as you.

E) believe in yourself. It’s not your job to prove yourself to everyone.

5. Developing a personal brand is important. A personal brand is how people see you and what you’re known for. Its important to consider how you present yourself online and offline.

• Your personal (people person/ adaptable/ flexible, etc) and professional strengths (what you really enjoy doing)

• What makes you unique

• Your achievements and qualifications

• Your life experiences

• Your values and the things that are important to you

• Your passions

• Your image

• Your mindset and attitude

• Your behaviour

Ask people around you how they see you - speak to people you deeply trust.

Reflect on that.

How would you like them to see you?

6. Imposter syndrome is often described as a pervasive feeling of self-doubt, inadequacy and incompetence, despite evidence of success.

A. Identity triggers and thought patterns to that lead you to feeling like a fake.

B. Acknowledge your past success and accomplishments. Write a list of some of your achievements and successes. Reflect on some of the great feedback you have received from a client or colleague in the past few months.

7. Boundary setting is a necessary evil. You will feel guilty at first, but it gets easier with time. You dont have to give out excessive excuses, either.

8. Fear of failure: What have you been putting off learning, doing or experiencing personally or professionally, because of fear of failure, or a fear of not being ready? • What can you do this week or month to stretch your comfort zone? • What would you do right now if you knew you absolutely couldn’t fail?

9. “Women tend to apologise a lot more than men in general, even when we have nothing to apologise for – almost out of habit. Do you say sorry a lot? Now this does not mean that we should never apologise, or that we can’t say sorry – of course we can. Just be mindful of over-apologising.”

Phrases to stop saying:

- I’m sorry that our director is unable to come today, you’ll have to put up with me instead…

- Apologies if I’m nervous today, I don’t often speak in public…

- I hope you dont mind but…

- I’m no expert on this but…

10. Stop diminishing yourself. “When we undervalue our role or contribution, we often reflect this in our language, and talk like what we do is not that important. Furthermore, when we don’t genuinely value ourselves, we may start to convince others of the same. People will often mirror back to us how we feel or speak about ourselves.”

11. “People with high levels of resilience think and act in ways that help them cope with change and setbacks. For example, they are flexible and can adapt to changing situations. They also tend to be positive and hopeful – believing the future can or will be better – even if they are in the middle of a challenge. Highly resilient people also don’t tend to dwell on setbacks and things they can’t change.”

Strategies:

1. Dont be afraid to ask for help. “People who are good at reaching out to others, talking about their challenges or setbacks, asking for help and then accepting that help, tend to cope better.”

2. Control what you can control. Do not focus on things you can’t control or change.

[ftmtftm]

I do think it's worth pointing out that the crowd of people who talk about transandrophobia has a noticeable (definitely a minority, but unfortunately not so small that it can go completely ignored) subset of people who regularly engage in transmisogynistc rhetoric and cultivate an "us vs them" mentality between transfems and transmascs.

I say this as someone who believes in trans men's right (and necessity) to be able to speak on their own experiences with discrimination without feeling dismissed or ignored: I think it's important we point out when this behavior happens within the community and shut it down immediately. I don't trust anyone who talks about transandrophobia while diminishing the impact of transmisogyny in the same sentence, and I don't blame trans women who don't either.

"I don't trust anyone who talks about transandrophobia while diminishing the impact of transmisogyny in the same sentence, and I don't blame trans women who don't either."

So you are perpetuating, or at the very least enabling, in the exact same "us vs them" rhetoric by proxy then. You are legitimizing those people and their transmisogyny by treating the minority of shitheads as a reflection of the broader theory and the discussion on it - and those trans women are as well - instead of attempting to deplatform those people while also uplifting the people who aren't inflammatory and transmisogynist, and that, frankly, sucks.

I very firmly believe in not directly engaging with people like that if we are being completely honest. I'm personally very picky and choosey about who I engage with and how I engage with them because of that. I've been on the laterally transphobic end of these kinds of discussions, I'm very open about my transmedicalist history and how I've come out of it, and I speak from experience when I say engagement often makes people buckle down even more and get worse if we are being completely honest. Especially here on Tumblr. I think that was pretty evident with the transmed anon I got awhile back.

Those people who are transmisogynist are often lashing out and being laterally violent because something in their life offline is causing extreme distress. Be that dysphoria, home life, financial issues, trauma, etc. etc. there is usually something happening to make their life worse than they are open about and this conversation can be a form of digital self harm for them in many ways. Conversations on oppression usually poke open and bleeding wounds for people who aren't in stable places to begin with.

That's not an excuse for their actions, but hurt people hurt people and hurting caged animal will bite the closest, most convenient hand. That's something that can be addressed without platforming those people and encouraging others to not directly engage as well, because often? You're genuinely only making things worse for everyone by doing so.

Again, like I said earlier, in most cases, it is best to just block and move on - especially if you're not invested in having a blog of resources or discussion and you're just like... an average Tumblr user. It's not worth it to get sucked into those kinds of folks because genuinely - most of the time they need to get out on their own and that often comes with building offline community, not online theoretical discourse. Like, I have a decent number of people blocked specifically from my main but not from this blog because while I don't necessarily want to see their posts or engage with them myself, I think it's important my posts here are still seen by those people.

Like I said earlier as well, I don't necessarily blame the average person for not wanting to engage with communities they've had poor experiences with because of bad actors or people projecting pain, but I also hope the average person has enough internet literacy to understand what a bad actor or person bleeding out looks like in the first place so they simply block and move on.

Tumblr is full of vulnerable, hurting queer people who've been taking it out on each other for over a decade. It sucks but that's how this site is and will probably continue to be. It's best to acknowledge that and learn to recognize its manifestations so you can choose how you personally want to engage (or, hopefully, not engage) for your own sake.

[gothhabiba]

dont feel obligated to answer this at all; I'm sort of just musing but also really appreciate your thoughtfulness on here and wondered if you have any thoughts.

with "terminally online" often being used as a dismissal, would it serve us better to reframe complaints about the reactivity/bad faith (which at least in my spaces are what I notice get classified as terminally online) as conversations about how to improve online discourse? instead of dismissing it?

I do think there is a real difference in tone and approach in online conversations than in offline, and that online conversations can often lean towards taking others in bad faith because there are less consequences to doing so than in person. or seek to gain clout in a way that isnt as possible in casual offline conversations.

But I also recognize the importance of online spaces for disabled folks or just for people who maybe don't have the time to be engaged in physical spaces that discuss things like politics and activism. and its worth making our online spaces better for everyone.

I guess I just wonder what might be a way to approach the real problems present in online discourse spaces besides the dismissal that comes with insisting a take is just "terminally online" and leaving it at that.

Earlier (after you sent this ask) I reblogged another ask I had answered a while back regarding the phrase "terminally online" that might get into some of this!

Yeah, I definitely don't believe that there aren't any differences between online and physical spaces, or that we shouldn't talk about said differences--both the ones that may be inherent to at-a-distance communication, and the ones that may have more to do with how we think about online communication or how social media and other forms of at-a-distance communication are practically organised. But I will note that in-person groups are not immune to any of the criticisms that such a conversation might involve--people destroy popular movements by clout-chasing (i.e. viewing the accrual of power and influence as their primary goal--whether formal or informal influence depends on the structure of the organisation in question) or through interpersonal abuse, escalation of interpersonal conflict, ostracisation of people they think they can get away with ostracising (because they're trans women or Black or just weird or something and so people are more likely to view them as the aggressors of whatever situation).

So if what one wants to posit is that "online spaces" (which ones?) are more prone to bad-faith readings, immediate ostracisation or hostility, clout-chasing, &c. than "in-person spaces" (which ones?), I guess my questions are 1. how would you prove that? Is it a falsifiable statement / what are the conditions that we would have to meet to be able to claim that the statement had been proven in a way that wasn't just anecdotal? How do you divide "online" and "irl" spaces up in order to be able to compare them (what's the status of "online spaces" that arise out of in-person groups, e.g. workplace slack channels, club groupchats? Are large social media platforms considered to be in the same experimental group as these things, and if not, why not)? and 2. (more importantly) what's the use of making this statement? What does it allow us to say that we wouldn't be able to get at otherwise?

I'm not sure what the answer to 1. is, but the more I think about 2. I think the answer is that this type of statement isn't particularly useful. It's enough to say that online spaces are prone to misreadings or hostile readings in ways that may in part arise from the fact that they are at-a-distance, and in part from how they are practically organised (by which I mean, the possible behaviours on whatever social media site we're talking about). And now suddenly we're getting somewhere, because describing exactly what it is about this space that could lead to hostility is probably going to be useful in trying to counteract it. Off the top of my head:

The ability to reblog or retweet can push a take far outside of its intended context. Do I know anything about the other political viewpoints of the OP that would help me to contextualise what they're saying here? Does it seem like this post was written in response to a particular argument or event that isn't as immediate for me? What kinds of argument does it seem like the OP is seeing a lot of / what kinds of experience does it seem like they often have? Could this make their frame of reference different from mine?

I may be assuming that someone knows the etiquette on a given platform well enough to intuit that a reblog/quote retweet is considered more or less hostile than a reply/comment, whether screenshotting is considered a polite avoidance of conflict or a rude talking-behind-someone's-back, &c. &c. Should I be making that assumption?

I may be assuming that any given person is writing in their native language, and is otherwise pretty much aware of how their tone will come off to someone else reading their writing or to me in particular. But is that a fair assumption? How does the English-dominated nature of social media constrain the rules of engagement?

I tend to believe that someone who's come back with a false idea of my post's main argument is not even trying to understand what I'm saying. But is it fair to assume that everyone has a high degree of literacy?

A lot of different kinds of statement or argument (self-consciously political, solely personal, &c.) can co-exist on one website or on one person's blog without necessarily broadcasting their intended audience or scope (like, a political post or a personal post could "look" the same). What are the actual, immediate, material stakes of the conversation someone is trying to have? Am I wrongly assuming that someone else is attributing actual stakes to something that they intended as musing? How much does it matter if this person and I disagree about this? Does this disagreement prevent us from agreeing about other things?

If I do fundamentally disagree with someone about something I think is important, what action (of the range of actions the platform makes possible) should I take about it? What does it seem like the developers probably intended (e.g. unfollowing, blacklisting a post, blocking, reporting), and what informal or user-driven models do I have for what to do (the "call-out post" comes to mind)? What is the ideal end goal of each of these actions (to stop engaging with this person? to get my followers to stop engaging with them?), and what is the actual result of each of these actions likely to be? Which is to ask--am I writing a post about x user because I actually want them to be ostracised or whatever (by whom?), or because I believe it's just "what one does" when you encounter substantial disagreement? What has given me that model?

and so on and so on.

[olderthannetfic]

I do think a lot of the problem and the reason that more people (like the ones who seem to think that "top/bottom as myers-briggs personality types" jokes are exclusively coming from female-centric fandom spaces rather than gay male offline culture - which, btw, ignores that a whole bunch if not most female fanfic writers are themselves queer and there's a similar set of jokes and stereotypes in the lesbian community, but I digress) don't seem to understand what offline queer culture is like on here is that way too many of the people setting the tone for this in The Discourse on Tumblr are very young people who are newly out. In particular, a huge amount of the gay men on here who are telling people how very Problematic this is (when they're getting it from gay men and not circular discourse among other women in fandom who are claiming to speak on gay men's behalf) is coming from young gay men who don't have much of a community offline, and especially young gay trans men who often aren't yet presenting as male outside of the Internet. It's really hard to talk about, because it so easily risks saying those people's identities aren't valid - and like, we've seen TERFs weaponize that discourse to suggest that gay trans men involved in fandom are just straight women who identified too hard with their blorbos or something, as well as the endless use of "passing privilege" to suggest that bi people in F/M relationships are "basically straight" - but I think one thing people need to understand better is the difference between "your identity is valid, your personal experiences with homophobia/transphobia/etc. are valid" and "your judgments about the larger community that your identity makes you a member of are valid." Like, you do actually have to participate in a community to be able to be able to talk about what the consensus in it is, what the cultural norms are. You have to actually look up the history in order to know that history. If you're going to speak on behalf of All Gay Men you probably should know some beyond yourself - including ones who are not Very Online and/or aren't active in fandom - and that goes for both cis and trans gay men. (And the same is true for every subdivision of LGBTQ+, I've seen similarly bizarre takes about "lesbian culture" from 17-yro lesbians who clearly haven't talked to any outside of Tumblr and insular, dramatic Discords.)

Like, to use an analogy here to another kind of oppression: say you have a black person who was adopted by a white family very young and lived in an exclusively white neighborhood and doesn't know any other black people. Obviously, they are still black, and obviously they still experience racism (probably especially because they're an outlier in that community). Obviously, their own understanding of their identity and their experiences with racism are valid. But they aren't necessarily going to have any better of an understanding of the broader black COMMUNITY - cultural traditions, history, etc. - than a non-black person who was similarly not exposed to that community. They can only speak for themselves. And someone who isn't black but grew up near/in black communities (for instance, perhaps another transracial adoptee who was adopted by a black couple? or even just a non-black person who grew up in a heavily black neighborhood) might actually have a better sense of that broader community/culture than they do.

And this isn't a hypothetical. I've heard stuff like that about feeling like outliers in black American culture from everyone from the aforementioned transracial adoptees; to multiracial black people who were raised primarily by their non-black family; to black people who are recent immigrants from Africa rather than descendants of slaves; to black people from Europe or other parts of the Americas, who have some similarities in their culture but it's not completely 1:1. And especially from people who are some combo of the above. They have an understanding of themselves as black and of their relationship to race and racism, of course, but don't really feel like they have a particularly strong understanding of The Black Community or The Black Experience as we understand it in the USA.

I think what a lot of people don't understand is that newly-out queer people are often like that. A lot of other marginalized identities - like being a cis woman (this applies less to trans women unless they've known from early on) or being a POC - are ones where you grow up with an understanding of what that means and often a connection to a broader community that gives you some kind of consciousness of what it means to be A Woman or Black or Asian or whatever. But with queerness, it's usually not something you fully understand about yourself until adolescence or adulthood, and even when you do, you don't necessarily have access to a "community" around that until that age because you're probably being raised by cis straight people. You have to take time to discover that community and learn about it, and the culture and history that goes with, and when you start out you're going to be just as ignorant as a straight cis person who is similarly isolated from queer communities. (And frankly, a straight person with a lot of gay friends might know better than you do at first! As a lesbian with a lot of gay male friends, most of whom couldn't care less about my slash fanfic hobby if they even know about it, that's precisely why I know that these takes on Tumblr are so bizarre)

(Disability is the interesting one because it sometimes overlaps with this, sometimes doesn't - and one of the big divides in the community IME is around people who have lifelong understandings of themselves as "disabled" vs. came to it more recently, whether because the disability itself is a new thing or just their diagnosis of it. A lot of people in the second group can have very similar experiences and act in similar ways to newly-out queer people, and I know because I've lived both myself, lol.)

I think people have taken the idea of "everyone is the best expert on their own experience with oppression and their own identity" and distorted that into some weird essentialism where being gay or bi or trans or whatever gives you automatic understanding of "queer culture" or "queer history" without having to do the actual work of talking to people, participating in that community, studying history, etc. but that's just not true. Anyone can study that history and get to know those people. And yeah, as a queer or trans person you'll have a better opportunity to really deeply know and be part of that community than straight cis people with queer friends ever will, but you still have to like. Actually put yourself out there! You're not going to find it by just discoursing in a vacuum of ignorance.

--

Sadly, to all the Olds, this is very, very obvious, but there's no way to make it obvious to the people doing it. It's a matter of experience.

[firespirited]

thought I might add a little to a question unanswered by the video essay: the why?

not as an excuse, not a full explanation either because there's still the matter of the Telos money.

but why does a man live, breath and eat for his channel/career without the passion for researching and learning?

I can tell you that he truly *did* devote his entire time and energy to producing videos and engaging with the commentariat as a full time job, though if the video scripts were copy paste. He probably feels like he's devoted his entire soul for years into this project and the copy paste was "just" to keep up with the youtube once a week upload demands.

IMHO, what we have is a bloke with crippling anxiety, loneliness and body dysmorphia with a pathological fear of rejection who attempted to build an online queer community that wouldn't ever let him down. As far i can can tell he barely left the house, didn't date and i started to wonder if he really had moved when he wasn't visiting any of Toronto's very gay friendly places or even some of the museums and libraries, wasn't making any local connexions even when people reached out. Instead, he spent his weekends chatting online (often on livestream) about gay media, business, youtube and film making.

I think he could have built that safe haven if he'd kept the day job, produced a fully credited video once a month which was in the format of let's watch this documentary, let's read this book, let's dive into a topic and read the various articles followed by his livestream chats. There is clearly an audience eager for it.

and that's where it gets uncomfortable, right? the lines blur between shyness + not wanting to be hurt vs not collaborating and not being part of other established groups. Canada not only has multiple gay filmmaking scenes, advocacy groups and even a whole bunch of Canadian queer youtubers. They don't have to all get along, because there's more than just the Canada based breadtube, there are a lot of smaller channels that'd love the opportunity to network.

Anyway, it was during a live that i bought up some local Canadian networking opportunity, he backed off quite hard in a way that felt like a little bit more than anxiety about the fierce competition that goes on for such stuff. It felt vaguely like Little Britain's "The Only Gay in the Village" but mostly I was reminded of folks in my life who decided to forge their own paths in charity work and activism, specifically the very dodgy intersection between missionary work and charity and charities that are about the joy of bringing fish to the hungry instead of helping the locals who know how to fish get the new motor for their boat. It's actually a really complex and nuanced conversation where sometimes the least colonialist choice is to hold your nose and work with the local catholic church - yeah I know, that level of complicated, here's some reading before I start on the importance of translating books to creoles being a better investment than teaching english to match an english curriculum and how relief work is often predatory business opportunities and how secularism is a tightrope balancing act and don't get me started.

It is possible to walk and chew gum and listen to music at the same time. We can talk about how plagiarism is bad, how the algorithm rewards it, how this guy is probably getting more ire than the right wing grifters also brought up, why left tube maybe feels a lil intimidating, why people build their own little digital or offline communes, how being an educator and being a thought leader get smooshed together in an attention economy that wants to create influencers with a parasocial engagement with folks that want personal guidance, sometimes stolen valour/plagiarism/fake cancer is for power and clout and sometimes it's a maladaptive response to a desperate loneliness I hope I never fully comprehend.

[heartsbreaking-migrated]

i know i don't really owe anyone anything in terms of explanations for what's going on in my head, but i also i know that of the 545 people following me at least one of y'all has got to having similar experiences to me. idk if i want advice or reassurance or just someone to know so i don't feel like i'm just on an island alone. (btw if you don't like oversharing this is not the post for you)

so here's a lil update ig

i think i have bpd or at least something with similar symptoms. i can't get a diagnosis or even talk about it with a professional rn because my beloved therapist is on maternity leave. the same things i'm gonna talk about in regards to my rp experience i'v experienced with friends irl i just don't have friends at home (i do when i'm at school i'm just not there rn) so it's not really getting triggered.

emotions always feel like life or death to me like, if i'm happy i'm really happy and if i'm upset it's the end of the world. my parents lecturing me? they obviously hate me and are seething with rage. irl i can be very reactive or internalize everything but online i take all the things that would normally trigger a very outward response irl and turn it on myself. so the stuff that i'd internalize normally and the stuff that i wouldn't also gets internalized. basically it's not a very nice place in my head a lot of the time. and rp makes me really happy, i love writing, i swear i wouldn't be doing this if it didn't actually feel fulfilling to me.

but the intrapersonal part is really really hard for me. i don't ever feel really secure in my relationships with people here no matter how much they affirm them with or without me asking. sometimes it feels really hard for me to "share" my friends and then i spiral because i'm both upset i have to "share" them and upset that i feel like that because i don't WANT to feel like i just want my friends to be only my friends i want to be normal about them and about things. so i'm basically either really clingy or i don't let myself reach out to anyone because i feel like i'm going to annoy them or they're gonna know i want to be their friend and not want to reciprocate even tho we're mutuals.

the worst part about it at least to me is that i know what triggers me but there's absolutely no way to avoid it in rp. irl if i know i'm gonna be in a situation thats gonna set me off i can avoid it but its much easier to fully say 'i don't want to go out today' and still be friends with someone and not be in the situation. here the situation is everything. if someone gets more asks from one person and answers a bunch all at once, my brain starts acting up even tho it has nothing to do with me. if my friend posts about their ship regularly but doesn't post about ours as often, my brain acts up. i don't want it to because logically i know it doesn't mean anything but logic doesn't help me when my brain is cannibalizing itself and physically removing myself from the situation (going offline) doesn't help because its all in my head.

my reactions either range from panic attacks that last from like 30 minutes to hours, just going completely numb and the instinct to just cut off friendships in a kinda 'they don't want me so it doesn't matter' thought process but then i have the follow up thought of 'but i like them and i need them and i don't want to lose this friendship' so i just end up stuck. i spend a lot of time just stuck in my own head.

i think i end up coming off pretty antisocial here because a lot of the time i'd rather just write with people and not make that ooc friendship because its so much easier not to react like a crazy person when i don't feel like we're friends. but i think that also limits a lot of the interactions i get and THAT triggers me cause i feel like people don't want to have more developed dynamics.

all of this is so much easier to handle when i'm going to therapy regularly and i'm in school and i have something quantifiable that i'm good at (not to brag but i'm fucking amazing at school).

i guess the reason i'm saying all of this is to say rp is fucking hard for me and i try not to mention any of this to people because i don't want to seem nuts or like a burden but i don't think that strategy is working for me anymore. there's no world where i can keep writing and hide the fact that i just don't react to shit like i'm supposed to because i'm tired.

i'm not gonna bring it up actively but at the same time like i guess having this post written and out in the ether at least while i can't go to therapy makes it all feel less heavy ya know?

[jewish-sideblog]

Hi, Australian Jew here.

Sending this anonymously because I'm not openly Jewish on Tumblr, however I am considering doing so in the short-term.

I'm sorry to bother you but I wanted to ask you a few questions, if you're open to it (feel free to ignore this if so). Just so you know, I'm asking the same questions of the Jewish bloggers I follow who post regularly - both those who blog about the current Israel/Palestine situation, and those who identify as Jewish but post mainly fandom/other content.

Do you or have you receive/d abuse for being Jewish, or for your stance on the war? If so, how often? How do you respond to any hateful messages? Do you post them publicly or answer them privately? How much would you say your mental health is/has been affected by any messages, or by the content you see on your feed? Have you developed any strategies for handling social media during this time?

Thank you for reading. :-)

Shalom, Aussie chaver!

This is a question I've answered privately a couple of times, and I'm kinda surprised I haven't talked about it more publicly before. Thank you for the opportunity!

Before October 7, I mostly received microaggressions for being Jewish-- especially within goyishe queer communities. That sucked, but nothing I couldn't shake off. Since then, as I'm sure you can assume, it's been a completely different beast. This blog alone receives weekly hate mail, and that can increase to multiple daily death threats if a post I make starts to circulate. Some of that abuse is under the guise of anti-Zionism, but a lot of it is pure bare-bones mask-off antisemitism. 95% of the time, I just delete them and move on with my day. It's difficult to read them sometimes, of course. But there has never once been a hateful ask in my inbox that amounted to even a remotely reasonable critique of my character, of my posts, or of my identity. So they get trashed.

My coping skills for mental health on the internet right now boil down to two things. The first is that, for every death threat I get in my inbox, I get more thank-you notes. I hardly have a big following here, but it's clear that the people who follow me appreciate what I do here. Knowing that I bring more hope, strength, and truth to my Jewish community is what gives me the strength to brush off the hate mail.

My one real strategy for handling social media is the Queue. Oh, G-d, I love the Queue. I'm honestly only on tumblr for like an hour twice a week. It keeps me from the despair and the doomscrolling while still letting me post several times daily. I think my Queue is 50 posts long right now so I could stay offline for two weeks and not have to worry. The side effect is that I often reblog posts which are a week or so old, but as long as I remember not to cue breaking news, it's not that big a deal.

[rexxdjarin]

lemme just say something I’ve been struggling with real quick:

It’s so so hard for me to feel like I can ever catch up on other works within the fandom.

Part of it is because I’ve been struggling in my personal life for quite some time now so I have days where I need free time to just calm down and destress offline.

Occasionally when I have days where I am feeling better I tend to want to use that time to work on my own writing or art wips, which admittedly has been really slow going as of late.

Sometimes even just talking to people or going on here to mindlessly blog can feel like a huge undertaking for me.

I know I have a to be read list actually MILES long of wonderful works from talented people in this fandom, some of whom are my friends and supporters. I know I have to catch up. I know.

It’s just very, very hard for me to balance what to do during the free (and actually inspired/happy) time I do manage to get every so often. I feel so guilty when I choose to do anything else but tackle that to be read list.

I’ve seen things here and there from other people on here talking about how other creators don’t support them enough, that there is a give and take with fandom and you have to support other people too if you expect to receive reciprocal support constantly.

Whether or not these were meant for me or not, I see that. I understand how you’re feeling. Any creator would. We’re really all in the same boat when it comes to interaction. I get it.

All I’m really asking is for everyone to be patient with me, I guess. I’m never ignoring someone on purpose. I don’t forget about the wonderful creators on here. I have a little note on my phone of all the things I need to catch up on. I’m trying my best to make time for everyone and everything. And lately it’s been a lot of me to try to manage it all.

I want to say I’m sorry to anyone who might feel like I am not paying their work equal attention. I really mean that. I’m doing the best I can and hopefully when I’m in a better place and things have calmed down for me in life I can find a better way to repay you all for the support you’ve given me.

Idk why I feel compelled to write all this today. I think you guys are just owed an explanation and I’m hoping the universe will allow me the space to be more involved with everyone going forward.