#better terrible truths than kind lies etc etc etc

[veerbles]

every single thing said about kaz is just like, patently false to the point of irony. dirtyhands about a man whose hands are literally spotless because they're never uncovered. without morals or conscience, would do anything for money when it is repeatedly implied he's passed over business opportunities if they involved slavery or indentures. doesn't say goodbye, just lets go about a man who has made it a point to never let anything go. doesn't need a reason when he is proven to never act without a reason, and in all actuality usually has at least two. and this is without mentioning bastard of the barrel about probably one of the only barrel kids to have at least started out with a "normal", happy nuclear family...

and it just makes me think: kaz is deliberately written not to be better than people say he is, but just bad in different ways. he is not good or virtuous or compassionate; the point of having people say things that are not true about him isn't to make a point of his completely different nature.

so the point of it can only be to emphasize how nobody really knows him. to draw attention to his absolute isolation. and maybe to give more credit to how much his 'armour', which is supposed to protect him by keeping everyone away, really only serves to keep him away from everyone else.

[lenaellsi]

it's honestly a bit odd to me that so many people have jumped on the 'aziraphale will be pulling all the strings and playing politics in heaven' train. like I think it's true that the metatron is underestimating aziraphale's intelligence and ability to disrupt the second coming even while separated from crowley, but I also think the idea that aziraphale is going up to heaven with a clear idea of how he's just been lied to, an understanding of how much danger he's in, and a plan to stop it is a huge reach.

frankly, aziraphale is very vulnerable to manipulation. I'm thinking now of neil’s post with the diary entry from before the edinburgh minisode where he was duped by two humans, the whole thing with the nazis in 1941, and his sponsorship of shadwell's various obviously fake agents (sergeant milkbottle, etc.). he's not nearly as savvy as fanon tends to portray him. he takes people at face value, especially people he thinks of as Good. (that's not a dunk, btw--I find these things endearing, and a sign of aziraphale's innate wish to see the best in people. I just think that sometimes the BAMF protective aziraphale of fanon overshadows the slightly more naive aziraphale of canon. and honestly, I also think TV aziraphale is just a bit softer than book aziraphale, though he is capable of stepping up when it counts.)

and he's a bad liar! I know it's a meme in the fandom that aziraphale lies all the time, but he doesn't like it, and he's bad at it. he gets nervous and comes up with terrible excuses and the only reason he ever gets away with it is because the people he's lying to are idiots (gabriel), have their own agendas (god, the other archangels), or trust him to be honest (crowley).

aziraphale's real strength is his ability to take sudden, completely unexpected action. that's one of the things that crowley admires most about him. "he's unpredictable," is what he says to nina, and it's true! aziraphale's greatest moments of rebellion have always come from spur of the moment decisions, not intricate plans. (if anything, crowley is the planner--the arrangement and the thwarting of the apocalypse, their two longest cons, were both his idea.)

aziraphale gives the sword away because when he is forced to make a decision under pressure, he tends to land on the side of rebellious kindness. shielding crowley from the rain in eden, lying to gabriel to protect job's family, defying the quartermaster and returning to earth via possession during the apocalypse, blowing up his halo--he does these things because he's following that same impulse. when aziraphale has time to over think, he frets and fusses and is paralyzed by indecision. (or worse, he falls back on what heaven has taught him.)

TL;DR: I don't think aziraphale has any sort of grand plan other than a generalized "make things better," and I certainly don't think he is planning to betray heaven. he might try to come up with a plan once he figures out how bad things are going to get, but my bet is that what will actually disrupt the second coming is an absolutely bonkers off the wall decision that no one, crowley included, could ever predict. and I think it’ll happen, as it usually does with aziraphale, just after he accepts a difficult truth that fundamentally shifts his worldview—in this case, his final rejection of the idea of “good” and “bad” people, and of the entire morality system of heaven and hell.

[vonkarma2]

1 Jacinto, 8 Rocio, 11 Cirillo, 32 Victor, 15 Salem?

What’s the maximum amount of time your character can sit still with nothing to do?

I would say around 6 hours. They don’t need to be entertained basically at all and they typically don’t have much energy anyway. The problem is less so boredom rather than trying to stave off thoughts of deep dissatisfaction and despair. Usually they can ignore it but sometimes if they’re alone for too long that becomes impossible so they need to do something to get their mind off of it. Usually that thing is drinking or just like going for a walk in the town bc they have nothing else to do either. They’ve been considering moving out of Florecía for a while but they don’t know if that would make things worse or like be worth it, and they don’t have any specific place in mind.

How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

Really depends on the situation, usually if he doesn’t think the other person will mind he’ll just ask bc he hates being unsure of things and also bc like why not. But if the other person seems annoyed or would judge him or something he’ll go on context clues instead and speak extremely vaguely so that it doesn’t become clear he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? 

He does sadly have very few opportunities for conversation throughout his life, he was usually either alone or in a terrible situation that he could not leave, so basically he’d just do whatever was asked of him and almost never speak out of turn. But for the purposes of this question let’s fast forward like 5 years. Now he’s doing way better. He has to explain to people like how he as a demon is living in the overworld though like it comes up pretty often. So I think he’d retell the story of like how he escaped the coliseum type place with Angel  pretty often bc he actually considers it a good memory even though it was kind of dangerous he honestly doesn’t remember that part so much, he more so remembers how it was the first time he actually felt like he had escaped and he was going to be ok. Obviously he doesn’t say that part. He’s just like yeah this is what happened and so I’ve been living here for X amount of years now.

How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first?

Depends on who she’s talking to she literally lies constantly, like more often than she tells the truth I would say. So she might not rehearse exactly what she’d say but she definitely has like some lies prepared like if they find out about this I’ll say this type thing. It’s mostly improv lying though 😋 unless if she’s talking to a large group of people in which case she might actually rehearse everything she says. But if she’s talking to someone she trusts then she does tell the truth and doesn’t practice at all she says things really impulsively. If she was telling you the truth abt something emotional then you   could tell it was true like she kind of makes less sense when she talks and she like repeats things, sometimes she has to hold herself back from crying, etc. It would make everything she’s said before sound really practiced by comparison.

[swimmingismywholelife]

Hi! I need advice. I know it sounds terrible, but I’ve been lying to my friends about my age. I’m scared to tell them, as I’m afraid of them hating me and shutting me out of their lives because I’m a bit younger than what I initially told them I was. I really value my friendship with them and I just don’t want to hide it anymore but I don’t want to ruin the friendship. What should I do?

Hi Anon! Thanks for entrusting me to reach out! I think it can be a kind of complicated situation just depending on how young you are in comparison to your friends. You probably shouldn't have lied about your age and been honest straight from the get go just because that can cause conflict. In any case, I don't want it to come across as me judging you or saying that you're a horrible person.

I think at the end of the day, being honest is the only way to go. The truth will eventually reveal itself, and it's better that they hear it from you directly. Some of them may be disappointed in your lack of honesty and you can't really blame them in the case that it does happen. That's not to say you're a bad person, but it does mean you have to take accountability for your choice. The friendship dynamic may change once they find out your real age, especially if there is a giant age gap between you guys and you do have to understand that if they get upset with you.

You aren't going to be able to control what everyone else feels. If they don't want to be friends with you, then that's just the unfortunate reality of the situation. Or maybe best case scenario, they're disappointed in you but still want to continue a friendship with you. Like I said, the dynamic may change as well, but that's up for your friends to decide once you tell them.

I'm sorry I can't give you advice that can guarantee a singular outcome. This isn't a black and white scenario but a grey one that can be difficult to manage through. I say be honest with your friends because trust and honesty in my opinion is one of the most important things in any sort of relationship, whether it's platonic, romantic, etc. Reveal it whenever you're ready to, but at the same time don't prolong it and find excuses to get out of it. It's better to get it out sooner rather than later because the longer it goes on, the worse it may become.

I wish you luck and I hope everything works out!

[qqueenofhades]

Do you really hate this county? Or were you just ranting?

Sigh. I debated whether or not to answer this, since I usually keep the real-life/politics/depressing current events to a relative minimum on this blog, except when I really can't avoid ranting about it. But I have some things to get off my chest, it seems, and you did ask. So.

The thing is, any American with a single modicum of genuine historical consciousness knows that despite all the triumphalist mythology about Pulling Up By Our Bootstraps and the American Dream and etc, this country was founded and built on the massive and systematic exploitation and extermination of Black and Indigenous people. And now, when we are barely (400 years later!!!) getting to a point of acknowledging that in a widespread way, oh my god the screaming. I'm so sick of the American right wing I could spit for so many reasons, not least of which is the increasingly reductive and reactive attempts to put the genie back in the bottle and set up hysterical boogeymen about how Teaching Your Children Critical Race Theory is the end of all things. They have forfeited all pretense of being a real governing party; remember how their only platform at the 2020 RNC was "support whatever Trump says?" They have devolved to the point where the cruelty IS the point, to everyone who doesn't fit the nakedly white supremacist mold. They don't have anything to do aside from attempt to usher in actual, literal, dictionary-definition-of-fascism and sponsor armed revolts against the peaceful transfer of power.

That is fucking exhausting to be aware of all the time, especially with the knowledge that if we miss a single election cycle -- which is exceptionally easy to do with the way the Democratic electorate needs to be wooed and courted and herded like cats every single time, rather than just getting their asses to the polls and voting to keep Nazis out of office -- they will be right back in power again. If Manchin and Sinema don't get over their poseur pearl-clutching and either nuke the filibuster or carve out an exception for voting rights, the John Lewis Voting Rights Act is never going to get passed, no matter how many boilerplate appeals the Democratic leadership makes on Twitter. In which case, the 2022 midterms are going to give us Kevin McCarthy, Speaker of the House (I threw up in my mouth a little typing that) and right back to the Mitch McConnell Obstruction Power Hour in the Senate. The Online Left (TM) will then blame the Democrats for not doing more to stop them. These are, of course, the same people who refused to vote for Hillary Clinton out of precious moral purity reasons in 2016, handed the election to Trump, and now like to complain when the Trump-stacked Supreme Court reliably churns out terrible decisions. Gee, it's almost like elections have consequences!!

Aside from my exasperation with the death-cult right-wing fascists and the Online Left (TM), I am sick and tired of how forty years of "trickle-down" Reaganomics has created a world where billionaires can just fly to space for the fun of it, while the rest of America (and the world) is even more sick, poor, overheated, economically deprived, and unable to survive the biggest public health crisis in a century, even if half the elected leadership wasn't actively trying to sabotage it. Did you know that half of American workers can't even afford a one-bedroom apartment? Plus the obvious scandal that is race relations, health care, paid leave, the education system (or lack thereof), etc etc. I'm so tired of this America Is The Greatest Country in the World mindless jingoistic catchphrasing. We are an empire in the late stages of collapse and it's not going to be pretty for anyone. We have been poisoned on sociopathic-libertarian-selfishness-disguised-as-Freedom ideology for so long that that's all there is left. We have become a country of idiots who believe everything their idiot friends post on social media, but in a very real sense, it's not directly those individuals' fault. How could they, when they have been very deliberately cultivated into that mindset and stripped of critical thinking skills, to serve a noxious combination of money, power, and ideology?

I am tired of the fact that I have become so drained of empathy that when I see news about more people who refused to get the vaccine predictably dying of COVID, my reaction is "eh, whatever, they kind of deserved it." I KNOW that is not a good mindset to have, and I am doing my best to maintain my personal attempts to be kind to those I meet and to do my small part to make the world better. I know these are human beings who believed what they were told by people that they (for whatever reason) thought knew better than them, and that they are part of someone's family, they had loved ones, etc. But I just can't summon up the will to give a single damn about them (I'm keeping a bingo card of right-wing anti-vax radio hosts who die of COVID and every time it's like, "Alexa, play Another One Bites The Dust.") The course that the pandemic took in 21st-century America was not preordained or inevitable. It was (and continues to be) drastically mismanaged for cynical political reasons, and the legacy of the Former Guy continues to poison any attempts to bring it under control or convince people to get a goddamn vaccine. We now have over 100,000 patients hospitalized with COVID across the country -- more than last summer, when the vaccines weren't available.

I have been open about my fury about the devaluation of the humanities and other critical thinking skills, about the fact that as an academic in this field, my chances of getting a full-time job for which I have trained extensively and acquired a specialist PhD are... very low. I am tired of the fact that Americans have been encouraged to believe whatever bullshit they fucking please, regardless of whether it is remotely true, and told that any attempt to correct them is "anti-freedom." I am tired of how little the education system functions in a useful way at all -- not necessarily due to the fault of teachers, who have to work with what they're given, and who are basically heroes struggling stubbornly along in a profession that actively hates them, but because of relentless under-funding, political interference, and furious attempts, as discussed above, to keep white America safely in the dark about its actual history. I am tired of the fact that grade school education basically relies on passing the right standardized tests, the end. I am tired of the implication that the truth is too scary or "un-American" to handle. I am tired. Tired.

I know as well that "America" is not synonymous in all cases with "capitalist imperialist white-supremacist corporate death cult." This is still the most diverse country in the world. "America" is not just rich white middle-aged Republicans. "America" involves a ton of people of color, women, LGBTQ people, Muslims, Jews, Christians of good will (I have a whole other rant on how American Christianity as a whole has yielded all pretense of being any sort of a principled moral opposition), white allies, etc etc. all trying to make a better world. The blue, highly vaccinated, Biden-winning states and counties are leading the economic recovery and enacting all kinds of progressive-wishlist dream policies. We DID get rid of the Orange One via the electoral process and avert fascism at the ballot box, which is almost unheard-of, historically speaking. But because, as also discussed above, certain elements of the Democratic electorate need to fall in love with a candidate every single time or threaten to withhold their vote to punish the rest of the country for not being Progressive Enough, these gains are constantly fragile and at risk of being undone in the next electoral cycle. Yes, the existing system is a crock of shit. But it's what we've got right now, and the other alternative is open fascism, which we all got a terrifying taste of over the last four years. I don't know about you, but I really don't want to go back.

So... I don't know. I don't know if that stacks up to hate. I do hate almost everything about what this country currently is, structurally speaking, but I recognize that is not identical with the many people who still live here and are trying to do their best, including my friends, family, and myself. I am exhausted by the fact that as an older millennial, I am expected to survive multiple cataclysmic economic crashes, a planet that is literally boiling alive, a barely functional political system run on black cash, lies, and xenophobia, a total lack of critical thinking skills, renewed assaults on women/queer people/POC/etc, and somehow feel like I'm confident or prepared for the future. Not all these problems are only America's fault alone. The West as a whole bears huge responsibility for the current clusterfuck that the world is in, for many reasons, and so do some non-Western countries. But there is no denying that many of these problems have ultimate American roots. See how the ongoing fad for right-wing authoritarian strongmen around the world has them modeling themselves openly on Trump (like Brazil's lunatic president, Jair Bolsonaro, who talks all the time about how Trump is his political role model). See what's going on in Afghanistan right now. Etc. etc.

Anyway. I am very, very tired. There you have it.

[ceterisparibus116]

Hi hello I am in love with your writing! I was wondering if you’d be willing to talk about your take on all of Matt’s ships? Love ‘em? Hate ‘em? Think they’re okay? Think they’d work long term? Think they’d sink fast? (Examples: Karen/Matt, Claire/Matt, Elektra/Matt, and even fan favs like Foggy/Matt, Frank/Matt, Nat/Matt, Jess/Matt, Maya/Matt) You don’t have to do all or even any, you can ignore me, I’m just interested in your personal opinion!

Aaaa, this is such a good question.

*disclaimer* these are just my opinions. Please don’t read if you aren’t prepared to read something potentially negative about your favorite ship. And please don’t start a ship war here. Art is subjective and we all find different meaning in it, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

Okay, so first off: I ship Matt with therapy. That’s the OTP. Next up would be Matt with either a puppy or a kitten. Pairing Matt with another person is great for drama but not necessarily good for him (or the other person) unless therapy is involved. And it’s probably even better with a puppy or kitten involved. So that’s my threshold answer.

Now I’ll go ship by ship. I’ll be analyzing these primarily in terms of how I think they function as a ship, with less of a focus on chemistry. Chemistry, to me, is way too subjective. Besides, I’ve seen it said somewhere that Charlie Cox could romance a lamp or something, and that’s 100% true. I think he has chemistry with everyone. Different kinds of chemistry, sure, but chemistry nonetheless. So that’s not a terribly useful metric for analysis. My focus in the analysis is largely on what the characters have in common, with a secondary focus on how they complement one another. As my parents (two psychologists) say, “opposites attract, but commonality stays together.” Especially commonality on certain issues like core values, worldview, etc. So with that in mind, let’s dive in!

I’ll start with Matt x Karen (aka Karedevil) because I think that’s the ship I’ve written the most for. My favorite thing about Karedevil in terms of writing it is that she, like Foggy, is more central to legal plotlines (which are obviously my faves) than characters like Claire, Frank, Elektra, etc. My second favorite thing is probably that their core values are so very close. I think Karen ultimately prioritizes Truth for Truth’s sake slightly above Helping People, whereas Matt prioritizes Helping People over Truth (which explains their different approaches to the Castle trial; she was most focused on figuring out what was going on, and he was most focused on helping Frank – and then on helping protect the city from the Hand). But both of them care about people broadly and without discrimination, and both are willing to lie down on the wire to save everyone from friends to strangers. So in many ways, they’re mirrors of each other. I also really like how the show committed to growing both of them through their relationship. Matt had more growing to do, but both of them needed to get better at communication and compromise, and both of them do get better. They also seem to genuinely have fun together—and I know some people think they didn’t have chemistry in Season 2, but I can’t get past the scene where they’re working on cross-examination questions in Matt’s apartment together. There are still lies and secrets hanging between them, but they’ve gotten past the first-date awkwardness by this point, and you see how they have so much fun problem-solving together. (And can I just say…as a lawyer, I desperately want someone I can trial prep with. So yeah, that scene has my heart.) Similarly, the scene where she whispers to Matt to strategize during the fight at the church in Season 3 shows how compatible they are, even though she can’t exactly fight alongside him. They’re similar, yet complementary.

Next up is probably the fandom’s most popular ship: Matt x Foggy (aka Mattfoggy). I love reading Mattfoggy fics, although I’ve only written one myself. Shipping Matt with Foggy tends to lead to more domesticity and fluff for Matt, which I 100% support, and that’s probably why Mattfoggy fics are more likely to be my comfort fics. And ultimately, that’s one of Foggy’s great strengths: he cares about people and is willing to put himself in danger, sure, but he also values comfort and security, and I think it’s really healthy for Matt to be exposed to that (and, at times, forced to accept it). I also love that Matt and Foggy are both lawyers. I have some lawyer friends who insist they’d never date another lawyer because they think they’d argue too much, but I personally would love to be with another lawyer (heyo single lawyers, hit me up…jk, jk) because: a) I wouldn’t have to explain as many of the things that I’m either worried or excited about, because the lawyer would already understand the concepts; and b) lawyers tend to enjoy having debates without getting their emotions involved. I love that Matt and Foggy could speak the same language, so to speak, and could use their logical reasoning skills to debate stupid, silly things for fun as well as important things to try to find common ground. Plus, the fact that they lived together for so many years (either college + law school or just law school; it’s unclear) shows that they genuinely enjoy each other’s company and get along well with the day-to-day stuff. All that said, my main gripe with Mattfoggy is that I’m still not sure Foggy actually understands how important Daredevil is to Matt. In Season 2, he showed that he still hasn’t understood everything Matt’s been saying since Nelson v. Murdock when he tried to insist that Matt and Daredevil haven’t always been the same person – which also is acting like he knows Matt better than Matt knows himself, which, y’know, yikes. Foggy redeemed himself a bit by bringing Matt the suit in Defenders, but that’s only after treating Daredevil like an addiction earlier in the season, and I’m pretty sure Foggy brought him the suit not because he approved of Daredevil but because he wanted Matt to be safe. Then in Season 3, Foggy’s priority is basically in bringing Matt back and, again, making sure Matt doesn’t hurt himself (e.g. by killing Fisk), but Season 3 doesn’t actually show Foggy acknowledging that Matt needs Daredevil. We don’t even see Foggy thank Matt for saving his life. (C’mon, writers. Did you deprive us of that scene on purpose???) So I’d love to see Season 4 Foggy really come to genuinely appreciate Daredevil (even while encouraging Matt to be more sensible about it), but until that happens, I think Foggy can never really understand and support all of who Matt is at his core. Then if that happens, the next issue will be compromising on how much injury/risk Matt can endure while Foggy takes responsibility for his own emotions. Yes, Matt needs to be more aware of how his choices affect those around him, but Foggy also needs to be mature enough to accept that Matt-as-Daredevil means Matt will get hurt and take risks. Foggy needs to figure out how to be okay with that rather than guilt-tripping Matt over it (e.g. “I’ve covered for you enough as it is” and “every time I come up those stairs, I’m afraid this is the day I find you dead in your living room” – those lines always upset me). If Matt and Foggy can get all that sorted, though, I think they could fall into the mutual trust, respect, and enjoyment that they had in their school years even with the complication of Daredevil.

Next up: Matt x Frank (aka Fratt), another popular ship. This one just – I’m sorry. No, not to me. Not in a romantic sense, anyway. They’re both hot, I’ll readily concede that, but their beliefs are so diametrically opposed on such a crucial issue—because, y’know, I think the value of human life is a pretty important issue. I don’t think they can work romantically until they come to the same page on that. Genuinely, by the way, not one of them just appeasing the other. However, if we assume they can get on the same page, then I think Fratt has a ton of potential. They can complement each other really well, and Frank will certainly call Matt out on his bad decisions, and I’m always hyped about Matt being paired with someone that Matt doesn’t feel he needs to protect. Matt will be protective, because that’s just who he is, but he can reasonably trust Frank to not die even if Frank goes after someone dangerous. The same just can’t be said of Foggy or even Karen (since having one gun and being a decent shot is nothing compared to what Frank has been shown to be capable of).

And that, of course, brings me to Matt x Elektra (aka Mattelektra). Aw, these two. Chaos. I kinda love how she can bring out Matt’s playful side and get him to loosen up; she’s similar to Foggy in that way, except even more mischievous. I love imagining them crashing, like, fancy politician parties and wreaking havoc, or engaging in wild malicious compliance sorta stuff to oppose bad laws. But in most ways, she’s similar to Frank, and I think the same is true of her as of him: she and Matt won’t work long-term until they get on the same page with the value of human life (except that’s an even bigger problem for them, because Frank respected Matt’s convictions insofar as he didn’t want Matt to change, whereas Elektra actively tried to push Matt into violating his own convictions), but if they agree there (willingly—neither of them pushing the other to conform to their own view of morality, because yeah, Matt’s guilty of that too), they have a lot of potential. And it’s awesome that they have such a similar upbringing because they can automatically understand each other so much better given that both of them were trained by Stick. That said, I have one other major issue with Mattelektra: the way that she shows so little respect for the other parts of Matt’s life. Now, she redeemed herself a little in trying to help the Castle case (I don’t believe she knew it would backfire), but she still expresses so much disdain for his legal profession and his friends. Their relationship can’t be healthy if she refuses to see Matt for all that he is.

We’ve also got Matt x Natasha (aka Mattasha, I think?) which I love. Nat can handle herself in a fight like Frank and Elektra, but her view of morality is much more similar to Matt’s. She seems okay with killing people if she thinks it’s the only way to protect others, but she isn’t as calloused about killing as Frank, and not as gleeful about killing as Elektra. At the same time, they can both appreciate losing their childhoods and being trained as child soldiers. Also, listen – they can spar, and it’s gorgeous. Their fighting styles are almost identical (check out these analyses: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COFN_AMwLP4 and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpOYbAEWb5E). I love it so much. I think Nat would appreciate settling down in Hell’s Kitchen and having a quieter life while still being able to help people when she goes out at night, and if she decided to work adjacent to Matt’s legal work, her experience as a spy would be a huge help. If she wanted to go another route, though, I’m sure Matt would support whatever calling she wants to pursue. Yeah, I’d love to see them heal together.

Anyway. Circling back to the Netflix shows, there’s also Matt x Claire (aka Clairedevil). I love how they have the core value of Help People At All Costs (he risking himself, she continually risking/losing her job), and I appreciate that Claire has, like, a normal job and isn’t just off in Vigilante World (because tbh I think if Matt’s partner is primarily a vigilante, that makes it way easier for him to segregate his life, and we all know how well that works out). I was so sad when Clairedevil wasn’t canon, but I was also proud of Claire for drawing lines. I just wish she’d communicated more clearly so she and Matt could’ve negotiated and found more common ground. See, I think the thing that really freaked her out was the fact that in S1, Matt said he was willing to do “whatever it takes.” That’s what led to their breakup, so to speak. And what kills me is, Matt won’t do “whatever it takes” since he won’t kill! *sigh* Anyway, if we assume that they reach agreement on how far Matt should go as Daredevil, they still need to work on communication styles. It kinda bothers me how bitingly sarcastic Claire can get at Matt, basically calling him an idiot and a disaster all the time. It’s unkind, and besides, it’s totally ineffective (since Matt never goes “Huh, you’re right, I’m totally being an idiot here”). Claire needs to be gentler with her words and express more appreciation for the ways Matt’s helping people, like she did in the first episodes of S1, and then I think Matt would be more likely to follow her advice instead of shutting her out. If they get that sorted, I think they’d be unstoppable. (Also, I said I wasn’t gonna talk about chemistry, but if I have to choose a ship based on chemistry, it would 100% be Clairedevil.)

Another popular Netflix ship: Matt x Jessica (aka Mess, appropriately). Aaaa, I love these two. One thing I really appreciate about this ship is that it usually involves Matt focused on helping the other party (which actually is another thing Mattelektra has in its favor, in my book), rather than the other person doing everything to help Matt. Matt demonstrates that he respects Jessica’s life, her privacy, and her agency, and he’ll basically punch anyone who says otherwise. The fact that he already knows about Kilgrave gives him additional understanding of why she is the way that she is, and I’m sure gives him even more respect for her. In the meantime, she’s great at punching through his broodiness and making him laugh. I mean, he laughs more with her in Defenders (when he’s at one of his bleakest points) in, like, a few days than he does with pretty much any character. They also have similar core values deep down, and I’d love to see Matt coax Jess into outwardly caring about people more, while she gets him to be a little less reckless.

Maya x Matt: somehow I’ve never actually read the comics with them together, and the age gap in their actors throws me a little. Theoretically, though, I can see how they could work. They have the martial arts in common, which I love; they’ve also both been hurt by Fisk. Also, to the extent that Maya becomes a hero, I think she’d be more of a street-level hero, which I believe is very important to Matt since he values Hell’s Kitchen so deeply. But I don’t have enough of a sense of Maya’s personality to know whether she and Matt would really be aligned in their values or anything.

Another incredibly obscure pairing is Matt x Malcolm Bright from the Prodigal Son show. Last I checked, I think I’m the only person who’s written that ship, lol. Let’s just say they also have a lot in common and I think they really inspire each other to be better people.

But y’all can’t be sleeping on the best ship ever: Matt x Kirsten. If you don’t know Kirsten, that’s probably because she currently only exists in the comics. (Which is such a shame, because she’s that good.) Kirsten is another lawyer, so she and Matt already have that in common. She also figures out pretty quickly that he’s Daredevil, but he refuses to admit it, and it becomes something of an adorable inside joke for them. When they finally do get together, she does an amazing job calling him on some of his issues and teasing him while still being supportive. He adores her, but doesn’t seem to put her on a pedestal the way he does with many other characters, and she adores him back. They’re both determined to help people, and at the same time, they just have fun together. It’s adorable and healthy and I love it.

Okay, so those are all the main fics I can think of atm (and some small ones too). If anyone else wants my opinion on any other fics, feel free to shoot an ask about it! Also please feel free to share your thoughts in replies and reblogs, as long as we all stay respectful of each other's opinions. Again, art is subjective, so it's not about arguing. Just discussing characters we all love. <3

Oh, and check out my fics (I have fics for Karedevil, Mattasha, Clairedevil, Mess, and Matt x Malcolm) if you wanna see how these opinions of mine are fleshed out in stories.

[wondernimbus]

veritaserum — draco malfoy

pairing: draco malfoy x female!reader

request: Hi I want to request a Draco Malfoy x Ravenclaw reader please! a spell gone wrong makes Malfoy can say nothing but the truth throughout the day. Scared but too embarrassed to approach a teacher, he decided to go to y/n instead because she’s the top student of their charms class to help undo the spell but what he didn’t consider is how he would later straight out confess his attraction towards her, going on and on about her hair, her eyes, etc and they just share a heart-to-heart moment

a/n: i did Not proofread this so i apologize in advance if there r any typos!! also i made a v minor change to the req but other than that bon appetit

Someone spiked Draco's morning pumpkin juice.

It would have been really helpful if he'd noticed it before he laughed at Snape's face and called him a greasy git, after which his eyes grew comically wide and and he tried to hurriedly apologize (more out of fear for his parents than Snape)—only for his mouth to tell Snape to "go wash your hair for bloody once".

Veritaserum. Someone put blithering Veritaserum in his drink, and now he can't open his mouth without spitting out several of his deepest, darkest secrets.

"Two points from Slytherin for your uncharacteristic and very offensive behavior, mister Malfoy," Snape had sneered. "I will only tolerate this foolery once. The next time you dare to speak to me like that, I will not hesitate to treat you the same way I would treat any other student."

Draco would have tried to defend himself, but he isn't stupid enough to let another truthful insult slip out by accident, so he'd kept his mouth shut and nodded.

If one were to go into detail, they would tell you about how Draco had tried to ask Madame Pomfrey to help undo the potion's effects only to severely insult the poor old lady's hair, and how he'd also tried to ask McGonagall only to admit the fact that he'd cheated on her transfiguration test two years ago. He has insulted every single person he has tried to talk to so far during the day. He's called Crabbe an illiterate oaf, told a random Gryffindor couple passing by that they look absolutely dreadful together (something that he doesn't really regret blurting out, but he could have lived without letting them know), and admitted to Professor Flitwick that he'd paid someone to do most of his essays.

But if one were to put it simply, they would go like this: Draco is in a dilemma, and he needs help, fast.

Except he has severely offended every single person he has tried to ask for help, and will no doubt do the same for anyone he plans on asking. Draco is desperate. He is halfway through the school day and the effects of the truth serum have yet to wear off. At this rate, he's going to lose all of his friends, as well as lose his teachers' favor.

Draco can't ask a teacher in fear that all of his good grades will slip from his grasp at a single (honest) insult. He can't stick it out for the rest of the day, either, because when he spends too long a time not talking to anyone, it seems that the truth potion grows impatient and starts making him blurt out a bunch of his innermost secrets.

He has already shouted "I peed my pants when I was eight" in the Great Hall; there is no time to waste.

Potions class comes around right after breakfast and brings with it the inevitable need to face Snape again. Uncharacteristically enough, Draco doesn't swagger into the dreary dungeon classroom. Instead, he keeps his head down as he perches himself on his usual seat right—which is, of course, right in front of Snape's desk.

When the last of the students have filed in and Snape closes the dungeon door shut to begin the lesson, he makes sure to fix Draco with a long stare; one that Draco only holds for several seconds before he sniffs and casts his eyes away to look at his desk instead. You'd think that a Potions master would be able to tell when someone was under the influence of a truth potion—but then again Snape might also have known, but was too offended by Draco's jab about his hair.

He looks up sometime along the lesson and catches sight of the light reflecting off of Snape's greasy hair; well, Draco had been telling the truth.

For today's lesson, they're tasked to brew some sort of calming draught. Draco can't entrust Goyle—his partner—to even as much as get the name of the potion right, so Draco shoots the poor boy a familiar scowl and proceeds to do everything on his own. But Draco is no Potions expert, so instead of the faint lilac hue the liquid inside their cauldron is supposed to have turned into, it becomes a violently bubbling pink substance.

"Four slices of the bat spleen, mister Malfoy, not five," Snape drawls, peering down at Draco's cauldron through his hooked nose. "And you have been too heavy-handed on the lavender. Shame. I expected better."

Draco suppresses a sneer. Snape usually never points out his mistakes—that sort of treatment is reserved for other houses. Snape, it seems, took his insult to heart, the greasy-haired bloke.

Feeling severely irked, Draco slumps down in his seat, folds his arms over his chest, and stops trying entirely. He may be acting like a sulky five-year-old but so be it because Draco is not in the mood. He has humiliated his own self far too many times in one day (and been humiliated by Snape approximately ten seconds ago)—he wants this day over, fast, and with any luck, the Veritaserum out of his system by the end of it.

But he can't see how, so Draco does the only thing that he can do to help himself: he keeps his mouth shut.

The annoyance on his face shows as he surveys the dungeon room with a sour glare. Stupid Potter and Weasley are laughing over something at their shared table; why isn't Snape telling them off? Bloody slimeball. How dare he even speak to Draco like that? It's not like Draco lied. He has never seen anyone in such dire need of shampoo as Snape.

Draco shoots the back of his head a nasty glare from where he's standing all the way on the other side of the room, looming over a table of two Ravenclaws. One of them looks bored and the other seemingly immersed in potion-making; her movements are quick and precise as she pours one ingredient after the other into their cauldron with the same kind of effort Draco would put into making his afternoon tea—like what she's doing is an absolute piece of cake.

"Sit up, mister Corner," says Snape curtly, voice echoing throughout the dungeon and ceasing all chatter as he fixes the bored-looking Ravenclaw with a stony gaze. Draco recognizes him now—Michael Corner, some annoying half-blood he shares a few classes with. As for the girl beside him.. Draco tries to angle his head to see her properly, but her head is bowed over her cauldron and her hair blocks her face from view. "If you think you'll be getting the same outstanding grade as miss [Y/L/N] without even as much as lifting your pinky finger, then I assure you, you are terribly mistaken. I do not tolerate free riders."

[Y/N]. Draco knows her. Some Ravenclaw he has several classes with but has never spoken to—the one with the pretty eyes, Draco vaguely recalls himself thinking at one point, back when he'd first laid eyes on her. And truth be told her eyes are pretty; a lovely shade of [Y/E/C] that Draco has only seen up close once or twice.

But that is hardly the topic of concern, because if Draco turns his head just the right way and sits up a little straighter, he can see that the liquid inside of her cauldron has turned a glossy shade of faint lilac, which, according to the instructions written on the board, is what is exactly supposed to happen. [Y/N] finishes faster than anyone else, even Hermione Granger, and Draco sees Snape give her an appraising nod before moving on to criticize some other innocent student.

So it seems Snape isn't the only Potions expert in the room.

He perks up a little in his seat and fixes the Ravenclaw girl—[Y/N]—with a discreet stare out of the corner of his eye. [Y/N] sits down properly in her seat so that Draco gets a good view of her face (not a bad-looking one, an annoying little voice says inside his head). She hasn't even broken out in a sweat—it seems that potion-making isn't as difficult for her as it is for other people. Draco pictures the truth serum in his veins quivering in fear (although physically impossible) because he is pretty certain he's found the answer to his dilemma.

The rest of the class passes by annoyingly slow—or at least for Draco—because it seems like ages until Snape finally dismisses them for lunchtime. Draco just about jumps right out of his seat and strides straight towards [Y/N], who is currently in the process of stuffing her books inside her bag.

Draco clears his throat.

She turns around, and he's suddenly reminded of why he'd dubbed her as "the one with the pretty eyes", because she truly does live up to the name. Her eyes are strikingly [Y/E/C]; even the whites of her eyes look like they're tinted with gold. He finds himself incapable of speech for a brief moment, but then she raises her eyebrows and offers him a grimace of a smile, and Draco is back to himself again.

He opens his mouth to say "brew me something that'll stop me from blurting out the truth every bloody second" but instead what comes out is: "I've never spoken to you before but that's mostly because I have an irrational fear that I haven't quite admitted to myself yet which is that I'm scared of talking to pretty girls in fear that they'll reject me and my pride will be in tatters."

There's a split-second in which Draco stands there, his own words not having sunken into him yet, and then his face slacks.

[Y/N] stares at him, evidently baffled. And then she opens her mouth, eyebrows furrowed in apparent bewilderment, and says, "Um," she swallows, forcing out an awkward laugh as she takes a step back. "Wow. Okay. Thank you..?"

If Draco had been thinking straight—if he hadn't been so flustered and if he wasn't rushing to take back his words—he would have probably paused, realized that talking would have made the situation worse, and left. But Draco is flustered and he isn't thinking straight, so instead he opens his mouth to take his words back only for the following words to leave his mouth in a rapid burst: "Your eyes are a really lovely shade of [Y/E/C] and you have a beautiful smile and I've never heard you laugh before but I bet my inheritance that it's one of the loveliest sounds to ever exist."

[Y/N] looks flabbergasted more than ever. She doesn’t even look flustered—just utterly confused. For a few seconds, all she does is stare at him, frowning.

And then, looking as though she wants to thank him but not entirely sure it would be appropriate, her gaze darts away from his momentarily before she purses her lips. Excruciatingly slowly, she repeats, “Your.. inheritance.”

Draco grits his teeth.

Apparently there are several truths that the Veritaserum in his system thinks appropriate to reveal to [Y/N]—truths that even he hadn't been fully aware of. He opens his mouth, thinks better of it, and closes it again. At that moment he catches sight of the quill and parchment in her hands that [Y/N] had been in the process of stuffing into her bag; hurriedly, he grabs it from her (much to a surprised [Y/N]) and begins to write down the following words (seriously, why hadn't he thought of this before?): accidentally drank truth potion, brew me a remedy.

He practically shoves the parchment into her hands. Still looking wildly confused, she takes it from him with the cautiousness of someone being handed a firecracker. Her eyes dance across the words on the paper for no more than two seconds before she looks back up at him; realization slowly floods her face and her eyebrows rise even higher as she mouths, mostly to herself, "Truth potion."

Draco nods, eyes darting around the classroom. most of the class has already left. Snape is at his desk, fixing the two of them with a frosty stare. When Draco meets his gaze, Snape flicks his eyebrows up at him and asks, in that same drawling voice Draco despises today, "I was under the impression that lunch time meant all students had to be at the Great Hall."

Draco's brain doesn't operate well when he's annoyed—that's something he's realized today. Against his better judgment, he opens his mouth to sneer a retort without even pausing to think about the fact that he might blurt out some other offensive truth, but [Y/N] cuts him off and says, "I'm sorry, professor, but Malfoy's asked me to help him with homework and I thought it'd be nice to help him." She stuffs the piece of parchment into her robe and side-steps Draco so that he's not blocking her from Snape's view. "Would it be okay if we stayed here for lunchtime?"

Snape's lip curls in apparent amusement. Staring at Draco, he drawls, "That’s quite convenient. I had been thinking of assigning mister Malfoy a tutor; it seems he's been having trouble holding his tongue—alas," his mouth twists into a sneer, "I meant potion-making. Forgive me."

And then he heads to the dungeon door, leaving Draco behind to stare at his greasy head on his way out.

[Y/N] purses her lips, cheek twitching with the threat of a smirk. "I’m guessing you've offended him somehow? Veritaserum and all?"

Draco opens his mouth again—really, remembering to keep it shut is easier said than done—and instead of the reply he'd been intending on saying, what slips past his lips is: "Has anyone told you you're one of the prettiest—"

"Okay!" [Y/N] 's eyes widen and she rushes to clamp her hand over Draco’s mouth, looking actually flustered now. "Okay—stop. Just.." Slowly, she pries her hand away from his lips, movements cautious, and Draco stares at her, body completely rigid as he registers the fact that they're a mere few inches away from each other and she'd just put her hand over his bloody lips. And this is the first time they've ever spoken to each other.

"I’ll brew you the remedy," she says, grimacing. There seems to be a hint of a faint pink blush spreading across her cheeks, but that could just be because the dungeon lighting is poor. She turns on her heel and makes her way to the ingredients cabinet all the way on the other side of the room, calling over her shoulder to Draco, "Just sit tight there—and keep it zipped before you say anything you don't mean."

The last part she says in a quieter tone, but Draco catches her words anyway and he finds himself thinking that maybe he did mean them.

Because [Y/N] is pretty—prettier than most. She’s not breathtakingly beautiful, but there's something about her that seems to have always drawn Draco, though he might not have ever thought much of it. Maybe it's why he always finds himself staring at her whenever they come across each other in the hallway. Maybe it's why he'd thought of asking her to the Yule Ball last year, but chickened out at the last moment.

He leans on the desk, arms folded across his chest whilst watching [Y/N] rummage through the ingredients cupboard. A moment later she turns around bearing an armful of different potion vials.

Draco means to ask her if she needs help carrying them (because yes, he may regularly be a prick but he has common courtesy). Instead, the Veritaserum still inside his bloodstream urges him to say, "I wish I’d asked you to the Yule Ball last year instead of Pansy."

He freezes.

At that moment, Draco swears to himself that he will inflict pain onto whoever poured Veritaserum into his pumpkin juice. He will have his revenge—no matter what it takes—and although he hasn't quite figured out how exactly he'll be doing it, all Draco knows is that he will.

He can't bring himself to look at [Y/N] any longer, so he plays it off by picking up a book on the desk he's leaning on and rifling through it. It only takes him a moment to realize that it's [Y/N]'s; her name is written across the bottom of the cover. Almost every page Draco flips through has tiny scribbles written in-between the lines—countless of notes, it seems, but so many of them that the actual text is almost indiscernible. Draco almost snorts. [Y/N] seems to be the quintessential Ravenclaw, if he has ever seen one.

She sets down the potions onto the desk, Draco still flipping through the pages. "I’d ask you how you accidentally drank Veritaserum," she says casually, "But I don't want you fawning over me even more than you already have."

Draco glances at her out of the corner of his eye. She’s in the process of uncorking two of the vials, both of which she pours into the now steaming cauldron. Whatever, he thinks to himself, rolling his eyes in an effort to convince himself that he's not embarrassed (even though he totally is: he's bloody blushing).

But then again, whatever. He’s totally not flustered. Totally.

Draco reaches the final few pages of [Y/N]'s Potions textbook without having even registered most of the ones he'd flipped through. The last two pages, like every other book, are completely blank save for the—

Draco's eyebrows furrow. There are drawings of all sorts on the back pages of her textbook, from cauldrons and brass scales to places in the castle that Draco recognizes.

But what has him most intrigued is the faces, all drawn so vividly and with so much detail they look as though they had been brought to life on paper. Draco sees Snape’s deprecating sneer and Michael Corner’s familiar face of boredom, sees Hermione Granger with her brows knitted together at the middle as she leans over her cauldron, Ron and Harry with their heads bowed over a piece of parchment—and then he sees himself, arms crossed over his chest as he fixes something with a stony gaze. But the more Draco’s eyes explore the pages, the more of himself he sees. There’s him slicing what looks like a dragon heart, scowling at someone that looks like Goyle, and another one of him smirking—

And then the book is snatched from his grasp by none other than [Y/N] who looks wildly panicky. "You—I—" she blubbers, gaping at him for a moment before whipping around, turning her back on him as she stuffs the book into her backpack. "How much did you see?"

Slowly, a grin breaks out on Draco’s face. "Enough," he says—and apparently it's the truth, because it's what he actually meant to say. A little surprised, he tries his luck again and means to say so you draw? But instead what leaves his lips is something so excruciatingly blunt and embarrassing part of him wants to dive under the table and hide there for the rest of his life: "I’m assuming because you've drawn me more than anyone else that you find me attractive so I’m going to go ahead and thank you for that, but unfortunately you're a half-blood so I might have to get my parents' permission before I think of asking you out."

A moment of silence, only interrupted by the sound of the antidote bubbling. Draco has to physically suppress himself from diving straight into the cauldron and never coming back out.

[Y/N] scoffs a little, uselessly fanning her face with her hand like doing so will somehow rid her of the blush on her cheeks. Draco grits his teeth and fixes his gaze on the stone floor, refusing to meet her gaze.

She clears her throat in an attempt to quell the sudden burst of suffocating awkwardness now resting between the two of them. Not quite looking at him, she peers into her cauldron and mutters, "I just like to draw all sorts of things. People, as you've seen," she adds, pressing her lips together abashedly. Draco watches her out out of the corner of his eye, lips twitching. "And I don't find you attractive. You just have.. a nice face. For drawing, I mean. It comes out nice on paper."

Draco’s eyebrows flick up of their own accord. He has a nice face. Are those butterflies he feels in his stomach, or is it just the Veritaserum?

It takes no more than a minute or two of silent awkwardness before the antidote is finally finished brewing and [Y/N] pours it into a small vial, which she hands to Draco.

Draco eyes it skeptically, holding the vial up to the light and swirling it around a little. It definitely doesn't look pleasant; a stark contrast to the clear hue of Veritaserum, the antidote is a murky brown in color and vaguely reminds Draco of mud and manure.

You expect me to drink this? Draco means to ask, but instead says, "You have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen."

And just like that, Draco, exasperated and embarrassed out of his mind, uncorks the vial and takes a large swig.

The feeling of the liquid sloshing down his throat is an unpleasant one; he coughs a little, face scrunching up with disgust as he swallows down the last of the antidote. But not long after the vial is emptied, a tingly feeling spreads from his fingertips to his entire body and has him feeling weightless for a few moments before it fades and Draco feels normal again.

He sets the vial down on the table, rubbing his throat. When he looks up, he sees [Y/N] already cleaning up, throwing away the empty glass vials and emptying the cauldron with a single flick of her wand.  She’s taking all of her things and shoving them into her bag, and Draco watches as she slings it over her shoulder and makes for the door—

“You’re leaving?” says Draco without really thinking about it. “Already?”

She stops in her tracks and turns around, already a few feet away from him. Eyebrows raised, lips twitching up at the side just the slightest bit, she shrugs. “Well, yes,” she purses her lips. “Was there something else you wanted me to brew?”

Draco’s hand comes up to scratch the back of his neck. “No,” he says hastily. But he hadn’t been expecting her to leave so soon—not after his, ah, countless confessions.

What had he been expecting, though?

“Well, I’ll be going now,” [Y/N] says slowly, a little awkwardly, gesturing to the door. Draco watches her as she takes a backwards step away from him—but he knows a chance when he sees one, so he blurts out, “D’you wanna go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend?”

Her eyebrows rise even higher as a genuine look of surprise floods her features. Draco doesn’t know what the bloody hell he’s onto, but whether or not he regrets it is entirely up to [Y/N]’s answer.

She lets out a breathless laugh, looking dubious. “You’re being serious?”

Draco stares at her for a little while—Merlin, she really does have pretty eyes—and then he shrugs a casual shoulder, nodding.

She narrows her eyes at him suspiciously, but there's still that hint of a faint smile resting on her lips. Draco finds himself wishing he’d see her do it more often—in front of him, and not halfway across the classroom. She feigns a look of contemplation, tilting her head at him, now full-on smiling in a manner Draco thinks might be playful. (Alright, those are definitely butterflies in his stomach.) "And what d'you have to offer?" she asks him, eyebrows raised.

It’s Draco’s turn to narrow his eyes at her, unable to suppress the tiny smile that slides across his face. He pauses to think about his answer first, all the while holding her impish gaze, before finally shrugging and saying, "My company. And not everyone gets to enjoy that," he adds as an afterthought, and it's true—Draco is very picky with who he graces with his presence.

But then [Y/N] replies, "Well, not everyone gets to enjoy mine, either," and her tone is almost challenging. Draco, for some reason, finds himself on tenterhooks. Something about her is drawing him in; he can't quite decide whether it's her coyness or her eyes. Likely both.

Severely amused, he leans on the desk and inclines his head a little towards her. "So would you do me the honor of blessing me with your company this weekend?”

There’s a beat of silence—this time not at all awkward—as they stare at each other, a sort of tension between them that Draco finds himself enjoying. And it's a blessing that she breaks it because if it had stretched on for any longer Draco would have lost himself in her eyes completely; “Alright. Sure. No harm to it,” says [Y/N] with a light laugh, nodding.

Draco’s lips break out into a grin and he nods, grabbing his bag and slinging it over his shoulder. "Maybe you can tell me more about your drawings. Well,” he pauses, brows raised teasingly. "Drawings of me, to be specific."

She lets out a scoff, rolling her eyes, but she's laughing. "Okay—and maybe you can tell me about how much you love my eyes."

Draco’s face falls. [Y/N] grins, beginning to walk towards the dungeon doors. "I’ll see you around," she sings, and her back is turned but Draco can hear the smile in her voice. Just before she disappears into the corridor, she pauses at the doorway and looks back at Draco, and her eyes are positively sparkling. "Try not to get lost in my eyes too much. Wouldn’t want you tripping over yourself."

With one last playful grin, she leaves the Potions classroom.

And while, just a few minutes ago, Draco had been prepared to get revenge on whoever put Veritaserum in his pumpkin juice, now he feels like thanking them.

[curiosity-killed]

Lang Qianqiu deserves more love goddammit: a post, unfortunately

This brought to you by the wonderful @veliseraptor & @/yuer on Twitter but also mostly out of spite and the fact that it’s preventing me from writing a very dumb poke-the-bear post abt the entire weird social media culture around The Minors

As always ✨SPOILERS!! SPOILERS EVERYWHERE✨

So first off: when I hit the scene where lqq confronts xl and screams “I will never be like you” I sat up in bed, did a little shimmy of delight, and hissed “fuck yes” at like 2 AM so. Now you have a preview of wtf this train wreck will be

1 ) lqq is a good character

We don’t get a ton of time with lqq because tgcf is 87 side characters running across stage with The Most Interesting Concept constantly one-upping each other before vanishing. But what we do get is, I think, enough to make a pretty compelling story: Lang Qianqiu is a kind and generous prince who is also the sole survivor of the bloody massacre of his entire family, committed by the people dearest to him (both in his belief that Gusohi Fangxin did it and in the reality of An Le’s involvement), who goes on to peacefully lead his fractious nation into a peaceful reign before he ascends as a powerful enough (aka beloved and worshipped enough) god to be ranked among the top heavenly generals. That’s like. Pretty fucking classic protagonist vibes right there.

And, as usual with mxtx’s characters, we get a lot more than this lovely little backstory. In his interactions in canon, lqq is capable of great grief and anger; he is willing to sacrifice himself if it means avenging his murdered family; and he simultaneously holds both great hatred and great respect for his old teacher. And, of course, he winds up raising and taking care of his enemy’s son which shows a remarkable depth of compassion and emotional messiness that I find terribly compelling. He struggles with a simplistic view of justice that is supported by lies told to “protect” him and that is uprooted by the truth and forces him to try to make sense of the world without the guardrails that others installed around him (looking at you mister fangxin sir).

Also I’m stealing my own tweets bc I’m Right but:

*pulls up single barstool to lqq is a good character table* I think it’s interesting & Says Things abt the continued relationship btwn lqq & xl that lqq *didn’t* recognize xl, implying that he left fangxin’s mask in place even when he went to kill him

Like here is the man who killed his family & best friend, who left him abandoned in bloodshed on his 17th bday—& here is also the man who saved his life, who taught him, who lqq looked up to & wanted to be like

Even when lqq *does* recognize xl, he still has so much respect for him paired with that hatred that it’s honestly rlly tragic? Like man. There’s so much grief in lqq’s repeated demands for a duel & insisting it’s fine if xl kills him as long as he doesn’t hold back

*pats lqq pompom* this bb is so sad. And so much more like his teacher than either of them seem to realize or necessarily want

Despite being a pretty minor character, lqq gets a lot of complexity and nuance! Look at this child trying to be grown up while desperately turning to his old master for guidance and “the truth”! Look at him! Be sad!!

2 ) lqq is an excellent parallel to xl

Okay stealing my own tweet again don’t look at me I yell the same shit everywhere

Xl didn’t want lqq to become like him (self-sacrificing, vengeful, alone) but lqq not only became alone, chasing vengeance, & willing to sacrifice himself for revenge—he also became kind, open-minded, & remorseful!! & he still clearly respects xl @ novel end 🙃🙃

We all know hc’s “they’re not very alike at all” and yeah sure baby go support your man but narratively, there’s a lot of importance given to cycles, parallels, and foils in mxtx’s writing and most explicitly (compared to mdzs, haven’t read svss) in tgcf. For example, *gestures at beefleaf, gestures at Xianle Trio vs Wuyogn Crew, gestures at Xie Lian & Jun Wu’s whole uh. Deal.* And while I’d argue xl and lqq are part of a triumvirate rather than a pair, we’re not including mister three-face in this conversation so just looking at xl and lqq:

Both adored and sheltered crown princes

Both taught by a guoshi who was seeking to prevent the repetition of their own tragedies and in their efforts, lied/omitted information and failed to protect their charge from tragedy

Both were betrayed* by their closest friends

Both are the last living members of their respective royal families

Both caught the interest of supernatural beings from a young age

Etc etc I’m getting v bored and distracted writing this so moving on

Most importantly to me, we have their betrayal by a very close and adored mentor and how they react. The confrontation I mention at the start of this shitshow is really imo one of the most important scenes in the novel because it a) illustrates the differences in xl and Jun Wu and b) sort of gives you a preview of how xl ultimately wins

So a) Jun Wu and Xie Lian both take a talented, marked-for ascension young prince under their wing. Jun Wu sees himself in the boy and obsesses over shaping him into Jun Wu’s own image in the belief that this will make him the perfect heir. Jun Wu pushes his chosen heir into situations where Xie Lian is repeatedly harmed in an effort to show that the common people are fickle and cruel and don’t deserve his compassion and care.

Meanwhile, Xie Lian is reluctantly roped into mentoring his prince due to his inability to stand aside when he feels he could do something to prevent hurt or injustice befalling another (simultaneously his great strength and great weakness! God I love him). Xie Lian tries to teach his student to believe in and care for the common people and not to sacrifice himself (see: flashback convo re:taking the force of the sword strike into his own body).

When Xie Lian refuses to bend in the shape Jun Wu demands, Jun Wu bashes his head into the wall. When Lang Qianqiu cries “I will never be like you!”, Xie Lian laughs and says “Good!”.

B) this of course feeds directly into foreshadowing! Like Lang Qianqiu’s bold words, xl ultimately refuses to become like his mentor and remains defiant even when it would stop him from being hurt. Xl beats lqq and says so what if I tricked you, so what if I lied, I still won. Naturally, xl beats Jun Wu not through standard swordplay but by using a trick he learned while forced to busk and wander the earth alone and unlucky for centuries.

…okay so I have fully forgotten what I was actually saying here! Anyway!

Like Xie Lian, Lang Qianqiu spends a time consumed with the need for vengeance, hunting his enemy and rejecting the heavens. And like Xie Lian, he winds up caring for his enemy’s “son” and trying to both comfort him and maintain what’s left of Qi Rong’s life force despite having previously been hellbent on destroying him—bc he sees the impact it has on another person. In the end, he even gives a gift to Xie Lian—his mentor, his role model, and the one who killed his father—that was once given to him as a symbol of unexpected kindness. Sound familiar?

But, importantly, and contradictory to what I have been yelling abt but whatever it’s 12:30 am, Lang Qianqiu is not a direct mirror of Xie Lian but a closing of a vital loop in the story. Lqq is very similar to xl (I will die on this hill!! Only I won’t bc I’m stronger than y’all and will keep swinging these pots and pans) but bc xl tries to do better and keep lqq from suffering the way xl has, lqq is able to have a gentler and more optimistic path forward. He’s proof that even a small act of kindness or even kindness to only one person still matters and has a ripple effect that can’t be seen when you’re in the middle of it—a thread started with xl giving the coral pearl to Lang Ying and closed with Lang Qianqiu returning the pearl to Xie Lian.

So I have no idea if any of this is coherent or compelling but I meant to be asleep two hours ago and the points are:

A) Lang Qianqiu is good actually

B) parallels!!!

C) look ive already started another wip about Lang Qianqiu and Xie Lian and I didn’t want this but no one else wrote it so now I have to so pls just accept this as a warning

*sort of air quotes around this for Xie Lian bc frankly Mu Qing was right & Xie Lian kicked feng xin out BUT on the other hand, it was experienced as a betrayal and we also again have all of Jun Wu’s shit so it evens out

[aiyexayen]

So uh that essay about how Wei Ying takes after Yu Ziyuan? I am LISTENING

There were two things that really made me start to think about this, one was this tweet which says, "You know what we don't talk about? Wei Wuxian getting his cry-laughing from Madam Yu" and this incredible ChengXian video which sets their relationship to the tune of When Doves Cry and wrecks me every time I watch it (I just watched it now when I went to get the link and I'm whimpering).

As to the first matter:

seems fairly conclusive.

The second matter:

maybe I'm just like my father, too bold maybe you're just like my mother-- she's never satisfied

Was there this much meta thought put into one line of lyrics in a video set to When Doves Cry? Hard to say. There is now, though! Because dang, what a line. Essay under the cut.

There's a (valid) tendency to pull out the ways Jiang Cheng is more like his mother, and the ways Wei Wuxian is more like Jiang Fengmian, especially where their relationship is concerned.

Jiang Cheng wants proof of care through passion, through a willingness to fight. He will provoke and poke at things better left lying, with no shame and no regard to who else is around, dredge up old hurts and old grudges and old matters even if they're long buried or long forgiven, so long as he thinks it will get him the reaction he's looking for.

He wants Wei Wuxian to fix things by rising to the bait, rising to the challenge, giving him pushback when he says blatant lies, showing him that his shige still thinks he's worth it.

This is terribly unhealthy, of course, don't do this at home kids, but it's one of my core Jiang Cheng Truths.

Jiang Cheng shows that he cares in turn by being willing to fight, by pouring his emotion out even if those often end up as negative expressions. He's messy and unrestrained when he feels things, not all of which is from his mother--a lot of that is just Jiang Cheng--however, you can see the way he tries to rein in his emotions when he's embarrassed about caring or is trying to pretend that he doesn't care. Whether it's pretending to shrug off Wei Wuxian and walk away when they have a problem, or trying to rein in his temper at Lan Wangji on Dafan Mountain. Because from his mother, he's internalised the message that to engage in the fight is proof of care, so the opposite is also true.

And oh, when he hurts, he seeks to hurt back. That's very Yu Ziyuan of him.

Wei Wuxian, meanwhile, frequently defaults to calming and placating with Jiang Cheng. Not as much as Jiang Yanli does--but more on her, momentarily. We see Wei Wuxian complain at Jiang Cheng to not get riled up, tell him he's being stubborn and just to accept the peace offering, etc. The difference is that, at first, with Jiang Cheng, a lot of that is just general pouty childishness and Wei Ying-ing, general sibling shit.

Plus, he was still willing to fight/express himself fully. They fought a lot. He always ran after Jiang Cheng, always roped him into expressing himself, always let Jiang Cheng fight it out. He understood, at least intuitively, and he didn't back down. The benefits of having grown up together, and of being an older one/middle sibling in the dynamic.

But when things really started to break down between him and Jiang Cheng, when the conflict was much bigger, much more grown up, much more real, Wei Wuxian started modeling his behaviour even more on Jiang Fengmian in regards to Jiang Cheng, possibly seeing more of Yu-furen in Jiang Cheng and responding the way that felt natural.

(Also, a lot of his own guilt and depression/apathy/intent to die and assorted other issues came into play at roughly the same time.)

Thus, we see Wei Wuxian start to turn down Jiang Cheng more often, and back off. He shrugs it off or rejects it when Jiang Cheng reaches out, and he stops reaching out himself. He tries to placate Jiang Cheng, tries to defuse him, tries to send him away. Some of this is because he cares and is trying to show he cares by taking himself out of the situation; some because he's trying to maintain his lies; some because he just doesn't have the energy to deal with this anymore.

After Wei Wuxian is resurrected, by which point he's done what he perceives as the worst things to Jiang Cheng, this intensifies. Jiang Cheng provokes him beyond reason, lashes out, starts fights, sneers, and Wei Wuxian almost rises to the bait but he stops himself. He lets Jiang Cheng be angry and he shrinks himself down, he backs away, he disengages. A decent portion of this is Wei Wuxian himself, and his faulty perspective on the situation and on Jiang Cheng's anger and complexity of emotion and intent. Some of it is lingering relationship modeling off of Jiang-shushu and Yu-furen's relationship. Either way, he's definitely "being the Jiang Fengmian" in the situation.

Additionally, Wei Wuxian tries quite actively to model himself off of Jiang-shushu's good qualities, which is understandable given that this was his primary benevolent adult figure and liked him quite a lot. We see it in the way Wei Wuxian teaches, the way he instructs with archery, the fact he prioritises archery to begin with, the way he expresses kindness the way it was expressed to him, through encouragement or noticing people who are down and out. Things that Wei Wuxian, at least, attributes to Jiang Fengmian's character (I'm trying so hard not to make this a Jiang Fengmian salt post) even if a lot of that is just his own outlook on life at the end of the day.

But all of these kids were around both of these parental figures/people of authority. This is most clear in Jiang Yanli. We see the way she's become a mediator figure between her parents when they're upset with each other and understands them both.

She takes all the kind intent and patience and willingness to placate and calm from her father, and adds in the knowledge and understanding needed to actually use it interpersonally. She's more open with communication, can identify the heart of an issue, and effectively diffuse a lot of tension. She has middling success with this with regards to her parents, but a lot more success with her brothers. It helps her see eye to eye with Wei Wuxian, and share that spark of playfulness between them too. It helps her understand why Jiang Cheng says things the way he does, and what he means.

We also see Jiang Yanli reveal herself to be the steely, fiery daughter of Zi Zhizhu when someone attacks what is hers. She is just as much her mother's child.

So, too, Jiang Cheng is his father's son. I think this is true much more when he grows up and inherits the sect and has held it for some time in the wake of tragedy. We see evidence that he's become a well-regarded leader, and for all we see cool, flashing, calculating glares and bitten-back sneers, we see worried disciples fussing over his health. We see a mild manner that was learned, and an authority that has accrued with time, and a self-assuredness when dealing with his peers that seems more modeled off what we see of Jiang Fengmian than of Yu Ziyuan.

Jiang Cheng is a match for Zidian, through and through, but he is also steady and determined and bold, good at making and keeping allies, or else how could he have achieved the impossible in rebuilding his sect? He learned to take some of his mother, some of his father, find something left over of himself out of the wreckage of his life, and meld it all together.

That brings us to Wei Wuxian. I had, at the time of first seeing that tweet, showed it to a friend who said:

Are we gonna talk about how Wei Ying gets his cry-laugh from her? Are we gonna talk about how he learned that intense glare from her, too? Or his tendency to act swiftly and decisively even when it might not be the actual best course of action? Or his violent protectiveness of his siblings?

Inspired. And yes, we are.

Yu-furen was a figure of absolute strength in Wei Wuxian's life. Uncompromising, unyielding, impressive as hell. She had the capacity to inspire deep loyalty and was fiercely protective over things that were hers. Her son, her daughter, her family's reputation, her sect, her home, her disciple. (Yes, even Wei Wuxian was hers, too, she made quite the point about that.)

Wei Wuxian is very easygoing. But when he decides something is his, whether that's a duty or a person or whatever, it's his to protect, it's his to do anything for, even cause a scene, even start a war, even lose allies or his own life. It's one surefire way to get him to fight no matter what headspace he's in.

You can see Jiang Cheng realise/remember this in real time in the Ancestral Hall, when he can't get a rise out of Wei Wuxian by talking about himself and his family, and that stings, but he's desperate to get a rise out of him somehow, and immediately he sets in on Lan Wangji. And it fucking works. That's what gets Wei Wuxian to almost fight him. If he'd posed a real threat, and if a whole bunch of other complicated psychological shit wasn't part of the mix for everyone involved, there would absolutely have been a fight.

Wei Wuxian latched onto the Wens, yes, and they were his, too, but they weren't the only ones. Lotus Pier was his, as was Jiang Cheng. Yunmeng Shuangjie was not just a pipe dream, and Wei Wuxian's loyalty was not simply easy to sway. Yunmeng Jiang's strength, their reputation, their future, and Jiang Cheng's along with it were always on his mind.

He lied, and fought, and even left and took himself out of the picture to that end. For Jiang Cheng, and for his ability to carry on. In so many ways, Wei Wuxian absolutely took so much of his perspectives on that from Yu Ziyuan, for better or worse.

Uncompromising, unyielding, even when turned on himself. Never satisfied, always pushing for more, for answers, for solutions, for the right path, even in his own frequently easygoing and curious ways. Unhesitating, across the board. Even if it meant his own life, or his core.

There is nothing wrong with hesitating. Hesitating, worrying, being uncertain, trying to think first, trying to find the right path, and then being able to find it, or choose it anyway, is such an act of courage. That's a quality Jiang Cheng has in droves. He hesitated, when he saw the Wen soldiers coming for Wei Wuxian. And then he chose to sacrifice himself. For Wei Wuxian, there was no hesitation whatsoever. No forethought. No choice, really. Just go. I think that's very Yu Ziyuan of him.

I had to go digging to find that message my friend sent me, and I'll conclude with my response:

If we're going to talk about how Wei Wuxian is like Yu-furen, then we'll have to talk about how Yu-furen knew that. Or at least, the only parts that she ever had cause to see in him while she still lived. How he was hers even if he wasn't her son. How Fengmian's lazy favouritism was intolerable in this way, too, in the way it sowed discord where there didn't need to be any, and was a barrier between her and the things that should have been more fully hers. How the farewell at Lotus Pier was more of a betrayal than she intended. How she thought she and Wei Ying met over more even ground at that moment, because she knew he loved Jiang Cheng as much as she did, in the way she did. How she expected more from him than for him to give parts himself up in such a horrifying way. How she underestimated the actual damage that had been done. And if she'd survived to see it, she just might have been truly horrified.

[heartlandians]

There are definitely some conspiracy theories that are true, but yeah, it is dangerous to believe in them because they truly never end. There's a conspiracy theory for everything. You'll drive yourself crazy figuring out what is real and what's not until you're questioning the ground beneath your feet. A single person cannot reveal all the truths and lies on the planet. You have to live without knowing everything.

The governments of the world always have a dark side and they always keep secrets from their people - some are just worst than others and some get better with time. The US did some terrible things to minorities in the past in secret to further scientific breakthroughs because they were seen as less than human. They also hide a lot from the citizens today in the name of protecting their military advances, spies, politicians, etc. They are far from the only country to do it though. I'm sure there's plenty of shady stuff where you live (anyone reading).

But for me, I can't think of that. I just have to do what I can do and put faith in the best evidence I can find and not go down any rabbit holes. In the case of Covid, we are surrounded by proof that for most people (not all) the vaccines are safe, and if not, there are masks! Masks are always an option. Doctors wear them all the time and they survive wearing their masks so to me if you're at least either avoiding people (big parties, getting in peoples' faces at work, etc.) and/or wearing masks, you are doing your part.

Those like GW are either down deep in the rabbit hole (which I kinda pity because they live in fear at every corner) or have their own shady agenda (often more common). It's reasonable to question; it's selfish not to take any precautions against what IS a serious, new virus. It matters that it is new.

The Spanish flu epidemic lasted for about 3 years. If we can't control this virus in 3 years (by the end of 2022) when they could another serious virus with less medical advances, we are "doing it wrong". Of course, they did not travel back then like we do now (so many planes). But we also have vaccines and all kinds of tips to help prevent/lessen the danger of Covid, and still we're getting worst right now. It should not matter to people that the viruses attack different age groups worse (the Spanish flu attacked people in their "prime" the worst) when they will someday be in that age group or they may fall ill themselves unexpectedly and become part of that group that is most vulnerable to it.

Nothing to add!

[flyingupward]

critical role - vox machina chapter 4 - attack of the conclave

all sentences taken from episodes 39-56 of the first campaign of critical role. feel free to change pronouns, phrasing etc. to fit your needs!

“All this time, you’ve been trying to kick my teeth in and your true enemy was right over there.”

“That’s good. Moving is not my forte.”

“We’re in a hentai. Make it go away.”

“Not all short people look alike.”

“God, I wish I was not made of farts.”

“We live in a cold, cold world. No one deserves anything.”

“You chose so poorly. It is truly impressive how poorly you chose.”

“Stay away from all men. Forever.”

“I’m glad I came in handy for that field trip.”

“I hate your friends!”

“Little do they know I shop for everything at Home Goods so joke’s on them.”

“It’s just radioactive material in the basement. It’s fine.”

“Somehow the coffee has not been poured on your head. That’s the greatest magic trick I’ve seen all morning.”

“Everything else was dragons. Why wouldn’t it be dragons?”

“Sorry, I was so caught up in the fact that I’m literally going up against death incarnate.”

“You’re a magnificent handsome bastard. Don’t die.”

“Do not go far from me.”

“He’s just a sociopath, that’s all.”

“There are dragons outside and we’re playing rugby with a fucking skull!”

“A simple mind is looking for a simple solution to a complex problem.”

“I’m a firm believer that there’s always a way to victory if we’re smart about it and we’re quick about it.”

“We either stand now or we might as well be dead.”

“We try, we mostly fail, but occasionally we get it right.”

“It was such a bad deal I said no. Can you imagine how bad of a deal it must have been?”

“No offense darling, but you look like shit.”

“If we’re going to be roaming about the streets, I’d like you to not fall open like a can of baked beans if you don’t mind.”

“Let’s not get overexcited about the sudden realization that some of us can be a bit iffy.”

“Thank you for that smattering of applause.”

“I have one of those terrible ideas I get on occasion.”

“This is politics. You’re not supposed to like them.”

“You can talk my fucking ear off in a moment. Shut up for a second.”

“If the parasite hasn’t a host to feed on, the parasite dies.”

“I never forget that when I rule, I rule these people as well.”

“One day, you’re going to stop being afraid of me and I hope that day comes soon.”

“There’s no swinging by, that’s a caper.”

“It will be built back better than before. That’s what we do.”

“We have a lot of Pop Tarts, but not very many gold pieces.”

“This is where I live. What are you doing here?”

“I’m cold and I still haven’t been paid.”

“We’re not trying to score points. We are trying to do right.”

“This is fucking happy fun bunch over here. They bring death with them everywhere they go.”

“And to think I might have briefly missed you.”

“You have to find the no name guy who’s going to help you find the stuff that’s hidden that nobody knows where it is or what it is.”

“What do you want to do? Do you want to stay here while the world burns?”

“World’s always ending, baby.”

“It would be wondrous, after we complete this transaction, that we never meet again.”

“Oh my God, I just buy healing to save my life, what a waste.”

“I’m going to stand over here and fail to stay in character, okay?”

“Let’s all have a toast to the inevitability of the universe.”

“My God, I love other people’s problems.”

“Are we sober yet?”

“I think her foolish impulses are exactly what we’re looking for.”

“Better to die a fool for something than live in regret for doing nothing.”

“I think we want her to do her stupidest.”

“You’re… brooding.”

“I tend to glaze over when he’s talking.”

“Lead the way, shitkicker.”

“A lot of your friends are very weird.”

“I would just like to point out that I’m mostly sober.”

“That’s okay because remember, I’m me.”

“I’d like to stand up, please.”

“I’m scared to death which is why the math is so bad.”

“I’ve met few as unremarkable as you in my travels.”

“Well then, we’re in trouble. I have an attitude about everything.”

“Yeah, there’s like 37 things we have to do before tomorrow so… ”

“She’s not really gonna care about court so much as ripping the bones from your back.”

“I thought you were gonna tell me a dirty joke or something. When you say, ‘Come here,’ that’s usually what that means.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s going to be daylight if we’re underground.”

“I’m really hoping that it’s the worst decision we make because then everything’s uphill.”

“I like who we are together and I think that that’s important.”

“Dying in slow motion over here.”

“Oh good, more darkness.”

“Oh my God, you’re going into a special section of your book. That’s never good.”

“I’m very aware that my greed killed me.”

“Oh, I must have missed it because I was dead. That’s right.”

“Do you have feelings and did that hurt them?”

“I’m pretty tired after dying.”

“I think I love you too. I’m just terrified to allow myself to.”

“We are a city of seasonal affective disorder.”

“So I heard a rumor that you sort of saved my life in a really creepy sort of way.”

“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you my Pokemon.”

“Your secret is safe with my indifference.”

“I always fucking hear you in my mind. It’s very quiet in there these days.”

“If it becomes a problem, just raise your hand and scream.”

“Our lives are so bizarre now.”

“Why is my brain tingling? Is someone noodling around up there?”

“You know what? It’s just fire. I will be on fire.”

“Did someone lose an orb?”

“Are we really about to pretend to do CrossFit?”

“Not enough spit takes in the world for this moment in time.”

“Beyond it being an engineering issue, it might be a greed issue first.”

"She's an adult. Deep levels of arrested development, but an adult nonetheless."

“Retroactively, you’ve never been seen in your entire lives.”

“You take everything good away from all of us.”

“It’s not one problem, it’s a very large problem and a massive problem.”

“Those that give a fuck, speak up.”

“We’ve lived half our life in the shadows. You’ve made them your home.”

“I love my reckless brother as much as he hurts my heart.”

“Duck hunt’s a bitch.”

“This is so dumb. Why am I doing this?”

“Congratulations, you’re creepy as fuck.”

“Give me this you fucking hoarder. What’s the matter with you?”

“I will smite you.”

“I was born to shove things in holes.”

“Knowledge is power, for reals!”

“Are we time bandits now? Is that what’s happening?”

“I hate time travel. I hate time travel so much.”

“No worries. I didn’t need to live anyway.”

“Perhaps it’s time to be a better badass.”

“It’s been a traumatic five minutes.”

“Like any good plan, everything will go wrong.”

“Oh well, I’m fucked then.”

“Oh, tiny dancer, you are fucked.”

“He died as he lived: Deeply unimpressed.”

“Don’t you dare die happy.”

“I like that we managed to make solving problems with violence into an ABC afternoon special.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say, ‘At dawn, we plan.’”

“I genuinely don’t understand the place you come from.”

“That is the weirdest coping mechanism I’ve ever heard of.”

“Maybe we should just sleep together and see what happens.”

“Thank you for telling me the truth after you sort of lied to me.”

“Yeah keep twitching, twitchy.”

“We totally planned at dawn!”

“Everything is terrible. Our lives are terrible. They are way worse than they were six months ago.”

“You are a fucking madman, but I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’m fucked. I understand I’m fucked. It’s fine.”

“This was all part of the plan, the hastily smushed together plan.”

“He’s a liar and a bringer of death and he’s smiling at you while he does it.”

“Bravery means nothing. Survival and victory mean everything.”

“Oh shut up, you flying suitcase.”

“You don’t need inspiration, you’re fine!”

“If I move, he’ll kill me. So I won’t.”

“Cursed Lizard! We’re going to give all your gold to the poor!”

“Don’t be so glum you old fool! This is a day of glory!”

“We will all die. It just depends on cost.”

“Oh, wow. You just said a lot of things in a very short amount of time.”

“You are the worst of us.”

“If there’s a dare involved, that’s completely different.”

“I don’t like wanting things.”

“Is it the people or is it the fact that you have finally realized how pointless it all is?”

“I feel like I’ve been lied to my entire goddam life and it’s all crashing down upon me right now.”

“The thing is you’re not wrong and you’re not crazy, but it’s not hopeless either.”

“Even surrounded by friends, I often feel so alone.”

“Thank you for being a friend even though we just met.”

“The terrible woman may have a point.”

“Woo! Good leadership!”

“The awkward woman makes a fine point.”

“It is not about idolizing ourselves, it is about a very long story which we are a very small part of.”

“I’m doing something very stupid now with my friends. We’re going to try to save the world.”

“I admire everyone in our band of misfit toys, but you most of all.”

“You are all kinds of fucked up all the time and that’s why we love you.”

“We’re all all kinds of fucked up and that’s why we all are together.”

“That’s all we can be is ish.”

[sepublic]

Eda learning to be Luz’s teacher

           You know what? I have to wonder if the reason why Eda was initially so hesitant about teaching Luz magic, and constantly procrastinated on this fact… Was because she already knew that humans couldn’t do magic, and didn’t want to break the girl’s heart by being upfront about this fact? When Episode 2 starts, basically right after Eda sort of agrees to teach Luz without taking it too seriously, she’s in no rush. Eda even laughs off Luz’s dreams of being a chosen one, because she didn’t realize it meant that much to the kid! But then Eda sees how her cold rejection and mockery of Luz’s dreams led her to fall for Adegast’s trickery…

          And after reassuring Luz with ideas of determining one’s fate, Eda realized that learning magic really DID mean a lot to Luz; And after the Adegast incident which she feels responsible for, Eda doesn’t want to disappoint Luz again, especially after initially being so harshly dismissive of Luz’s dreams. Eda was a kid who was very disappointed that she couldn’t learn all nine forms of magic, and she’s someone who’s determined not to put others through the same experiences that she had to suffer, first-hand and without guidance. I can see Eda wanting to avoid being the ‘Bump’ in this situation with Luz (especially since she kind of was), not wanting to trample on Luz’s dreams by being upfront that she can’t learn magic…

           And considering how fond of Luz she is… I have to wonder if Eda deliberately procrastinated on the truth, because she also wanted to keep her around? This could parallel how Luz lied about knowing two spells to Amity in Adventures in the Elements… Eda could’ve also lied under the impression that Luz would no longer want to hang around with her anymore, because Eda might think that Luz is interested in Eda only for her ability to teach magic. If Eda can’t teach Luz magic, then what reason does Luz have to stick around, especially given Eda’s liability as a criminal… And later on as revealed in The Intruder, someone who can transform into a dangerous beast.

           Eda’s used to being rejected by others because of her curse, because of her views on magic, etc. She’s used to rejection, so it’s what she naturally assumes that Luz is inclined towards… That she’s only hanging around Eda because she has no other choice. It’d recontextualize Eda’s grief upon seeing Luz seemingly enroll at Hexside in Episode 3, only to have some relief and even triumph when Luz is banned. Obviously Eda doesn’t want Luz to be indoctrinated, but I wonder if there’s some selfishness about wanting to keep Luz close, or at least a fear that Luz would show disinterest in Eda in favor of a more ‘traditional’ institution.

           Which, again ties into how Luz was afraid that Amity wouldn’t be impressed by her lack of spells, and her assumption that Amity is only interested in Luz because of her unique skills as a witch… Because like Eda, Luz is undervaluing her own personal worth, and how THAT’s what draws people to her, not necessarily her skill in Magic! Luz and Eda could both have an issue with assuming their someone’s last choice, and not their deliberate first one… After all, it’s not exactly wrong of Eda to assume that whatever’s back home for Luz isn’t all too good, given how she chooses a random stranger who’s a criminal over it. To Eda, she could’ve assumed that Luz was driven more by a desire to avoid her home, than a desire to hang around Eda… And Eda doesn’t want to make Luz leave the Owl House, if Luz is apprehensive towards her home that much- Eda wants the best for the kid!

           And while avoiding the Reality Camp was definitely PART of the reason, there was also Luz being genuinely enamored by Eda’s care for King, and her sentiments on weirdoes sticking together! Luz really wanted in on that dynamic! It’s another reason why Eda is so dazzled by Luz after she sticks around… Because even after knowing that there are different schools to learn magic traditionally, even after knowing that Eda’s criminal status could endanger her… Even after knowing that Eda couldn’t even teach her magic, and that Eda was a potential threat because of her curse- Luz still sticks around, because she likes Eda that much.

           In Agony of a Witch, Eda makes a point of how she wants to pay back Luz for all of her kindness by giving her the Witch’s Wool Cloak. I think that after The Intruder, Eda legitimately invested time, effort, and research into Glyphs… Because not only did Luz show her that they existed and they were possible, thus kindling a hope in Eda’s heart to actually teach Luz magic; But I think Eda felt indebted towards the girl. That she really wanted to prove herself to Luz, and be the role model that Luz thinks she is… Like the Good Witch Azura, ironically- Despite Eda’s apprehension towards the saccharine sweetness of those books, she’ll gladly be Azura for Luz, if it makes the girl happy.

           And, this realization of her bond with Luz, could’ve played a part in Eda getting over her apprehension towards Hexside, swallowing her pride to enroll Luz in. Because by the end of the day, Eda recognizes that she just wants the best for Luz, that she doesn’t want to selfishly keep the girl to herself, and inhibit Luz in the process (which could be antithetical to how Lilith felt about Eda but I digress). It’s that “If you love me let me go” meme, except it’s Eda feeling like Luz is better off without her, to an extent… And while she IS right about her own shortcomings as a teacher, or at least that Luz deserves to learn from more than one source- I think there’s still that lingering insecurity that Eda has to live up to what Luz wants her to be, that cool, powerful witch.

           That makes it sweet when Luz makes it clear to Eda, mutually, during the Season Finale –when the two reunite at the Conformatorium- that she really loves Eda for who she is, and would give up everything for her… And Eda sees that Luz’s love for her has become unconditional. And similarly, Eda reassures Luz that she loves the girl, that Luz doesn’t have to feel like she owes her anything… Just being with one another, or at least seeing the other be happy, is enough. When Eda tells Luz to save herself, it’s not a rejection of their companionship as Luz fears; It’s Eda prioritizing Luz. Regardless, both Luz and Eda learn that while they want the best for the other, they shouldn’t disregard how much they meant to their loved one either- That maybe their loved one isn’t better off without them, because they DO care…! Eda may prioritize Luz, but she should also value her relationship with the girl as well, because Luz appreciates it too. Even if Luz’s safety comes above her companionship with Eda, who’s to say Eda has to choose between Luz’s safety, and being with the girl- Why can’t she have both, as Luz would defiantly ask?

          There’s nothing to worry about, you’re not parasitically dragging down your loved one with your connection to them, you don’t have to worry about being good enough for them, or being on their level… What you’ve got going on, is good enough just as it is! You’re not holding them back from a better choice, you ARE that loved one’s choice, first and foremost, and you should remember that they had agency when they decided to stick with you! Don’t undersell yourself, and trust in your loved one’s judgment if they decided to hang around with you after all- They have good taste too, believe it or not. Luz is special to Eda, because she validates Eda by seeing her as someone to look up to and emulate, and that encourages Eda to be a true role model in her own right, and live up to those expectations. It gives Eda a purpose in life, when up until then there was that lingering regret that her existence had been wasted. Of course with Luz, she encourages Eda to be the best she can be, but doesn’t necessarily hold it against her if she isn’t…

           So when Luz discovers glyphs and does the impossible, Eda is inspired to do the same- If this kid can do it, so can she! Eda CAN learn to teach magic to this human, after all… So she does her research off-screen. It’s worth noting that Covention happens immediately after The Intruder, as a follow-up to Eda’s change of heart as she decides to be truly serious about teaching Luz magic… And how Luz and Amity are set up to duel one another as representatives of their teachers’ own skills. Eda’s pride comes into play when Lilith assumes that Luz is a terrible Witch, and it also comes into play when Luz mentions how Eda’s apprentice not knowing two spells is a bad look for Eda herself…

           But at the end of Covention, Luz asks Eda if she’ll ever be a great witch. And we see here that while Eda may have her pride play a little into making Luz learn magic… In the end, she doesn’t expect Luz to be a great witch, just for Eda’s pride. She’s not going to be disappointed in Luz, nor herself. She tells Luz that she’s not beholden to anyone else’s definition of a witch, and that Eda doesn’t truly expect Luz to win on her behalf, for the sake of making Eda look good. Luz can fail all she wants, do her progress at her own pace- It’s why Eda reassures Luz about being a quitter in The First Day, or how she tells Luz that it’s okay that she wasn’t able to take on Grom singlehandedly like she thought she could! It IS also worth noting that Luz wouldn’t be allowed to do magic at all if she lost the Covention duel, so Eda could’ve had that altruistic reasoning behind making Luz cheat- She doesn’t want Luz to lose her chance at magic, after having just discovered it!

           Regardless, it contrasts with Lilith, who DOES have that expectation for Amity to do well, to live up to Lilith’s image and pride… And how Lilith cares so much more for maintaining her own reputation as a teacher, that she makes Amity cheat without her knowledge nor consent, instead of being genuinely interested in gauging Amity’s current skill and progress, and working with that. Lilith was more interested in how she looked to Eda and others as a teacher, than Amity’s actual ability at magic. The possibility of Amity losing is inexcusable for Lilith, that she really goes out of her way to attach the Power Glyph even though her victory should be guaranteed, amidst Lilith rightfully suspecting Eda would cheat of course.

          And that, of course, tells Amity that she is not allowed to lose, that failure is no option… And it just contributes to the pressure and expectations on her, and how she’s not allowed to make mistakes and learn from them, and when she DOES make mistakes, Amity thinks it’s the end of the world and that there’s nothing to salvage from the situation, whatsoever. It conditions Amity to see everything she does as a reflection and extension of others and not her own skills and belief in herself, and that she can’t just enjoy things for the sake of only her happiness. And Amity really undervalues how it’s a lot of her own skill that got her where she is, and not JUST the guidance of a great teacher.

          Lilith was showing a disrespectful lack of confidence in Amity, that she doesn’t really trust the girl, not enough to do something that should be so easy and simple, and it hurts because to Amity it means she’s never good enough, and that maybe there’s something wrong with her that sparks this kind of distrust in her ability; To the point where Lilith can’t even be upfront about her lack of faith in Amity and the application of the Power Glyph, because she doesn’t think the girl can take criticism. That will just make Amity question if people ever really mean it when they praise her; And in turn, lead her to assume that people are secretly lying whenever they tell her that she did good, or at least didn’t do wrong.

           But, I digress. Eda reiterates to Luz at the end of Covention that she doesn’t really care if Luz would’ve won or not (unless it meant Luz losing her chance at magic), which connects to how Luz and Amity’s duel had no definitive winner and was a tie, and a total mess of a match. In contrast to Lilith, who neither reassures Amity, nor does anything to actually check up on the girl afterwards, instead focusing on Eda… Which, Eda IS her sister and she misses her a lot, and Lilith doesn’t get to see Eda often so she’ll milk every last moment with her, but still.

           Either way, Eda considers how she just wants Luz to learn magic for Luz’s own sake, not for Eda’s expectations of her- And while there is the joke of Luz playing into Eda’s pride by getting her to take her to the knee, it’s worth noting that Eda clearly had done her research well before this was brought up, and also that Luz actually needs to know two spells so she can avoid the Baby Class, and learn Magic as she’d like to. And Eda, Eda is a very tsundere character when it comes to affection- So I can see her passing off bringing Luz to the knee as just wanting to look good as a teacher, when in reality it’s because Luz really cares about this and Eda wants to provide.

          I could also get into potential insecurity on Eda’s behalf on failing Luz as a teacher, so she tries to avoid teaching lessons to begin with… You get the idea. Like I said, Luz brings up Eda’s pride because she’s using every reason to learn a second spell because of how desperate she is, as well as the fact that she still has insecurities over paying back Eda for her kindness, through being a great student and thus a reflection of Eda’s skill as a teacher, until Eda reassures Luz once and for all that her love is unconditional in the Season Finale.

           Which, connects us to the idea of Eda not being able to be the conventional, magical teacher that Luz wanted… But she’s still an incredibly potent mentor in her own way, in the important life-lessons she instills Luz with. Amidst Luz proving her own worth as a self-taught learner, making her progress with magic all the more difficult and painstaking to further the disability metaphor, and the idea of Luz and Eda mutually teaching and learning from one another, because they respect one another. It’s all tied up in the final moments of the Season Finale, when Eda can no longer be the teacher she wanted to be for Luz, and is now just a student alongside her- Frequently learning FROM Luz, in fact!

          And Luz… not only does Luz love Eda regardless of magic, but the two of them mutually look forward to the lessons they could have, together. Eda doesn’t have to be the magical teacher that Luz wanted- That frees her up to express vulnerability by being a Magic Student like Luz, acknowledging her shortcomings so Eda can get Luz the best teachers she can… And Luz recognizing Eda’s value as a teacher in a different sense. Luz and Eda both show, teach, and illuminate one another- Individually great on their own, but when combined, Luz and Eda make an unstoppable pair! Before losing her magic, Eda was already learning about glyphs with her research; Now she gets to do it alongside Luz, and has a reason to for both of them.

[onecornerface]

helpful lies vs. harmful truths? -a dubious dichotomy- the case of opioid addiction & pain patients

It’s often hard to tell whether a given purported fact is politically convenient or inconvenient in terms of helping vs. harming vulnerable people. I think the best policy is generally to tell the facts as they are, to the best of our ability, and to explain them clearly and in a carefully-contextualized way.

Here’s a fact: The current best evidence suggests that the large majority of people with opioid addictions did not become addicted simply from taking prescriptions as directed, but rather mainly became addicted due to other and largely illicit kinds of drug use.

Is this politically inconvenient, because it might sound judgmental toward people with opioid addictions, and risk reinforcing stigma against them, which in turn reinforces criminalization and societal apathy toward their well-being?

Maybe. Some people are looking for excuses to blame those living with substance addictions. It’s important to talk about this in a nuanced way, and that’s difficult. I think people with addictions should be decriminalized and given good healthcare and peer support even if they got addicted due to reckless risk-taking (which, to be clear, isn’t the only alternative to getting addicted due to prescriptions-- there are many variables here). I have excellent long-winded arguments for this conclusion. But this is potentially a harder sell for some people.

What about the opposite view? The opposite (false) view is that the majority of people with opioid addictions became addicted “innocently” via taking prescriptions as directed. They trusted the medical system, they believed their doctors, and they got screwed over and ended up with an addiction through no mistake of their own.

Arguably, this (false) belief has played a big role in winning more public sympathy for people with opioid addictions in recent years, contributing to a reduction in stigma and an increase in support for decriminalization, better healthcare, more addiction treatment, etc. These are serious gains. So maybe it is the more politically convenient view, despite being false?

Well, not so fast!

This view implies (falsely) that huge numbers of chronic pain patients who take opioids as instructed are at high risk of getting addicted. And this false belief makes it much harder for chronic pain patients—including the large majority who are NOT at any serious risk of addiction—to get opioids.

Many pain patients are wrongly cut off from opioids due to their doctor’s risk-aversion (including the risk of being accused of over-prescribing). Such cutoffs have caused suicides, and have also caused some pain patients to switch to using illicit drugs which are much more dangerous than the prescriptions. Still more pain patients with opioid prescriptions are living in constant fear and anxiety due to the risk of getting cut off at any time.

(To be sure, there is legitimate debate about the overall merits vs. downsides of opioid prescriptions for pain in the long term, in light of the complex and still-developing empirical evidence. This debate is muddied by both pro-opioid pharma propaganda and anti-opioid drug-war fearmongering. But the consequences I’ve mentioned above are unequivocally terrible for many, many pain patients. And the vast bulk of the “opioid crisis” discourse completely ignores them.)

So, which view is the more politically convenient view? Is it the false view --which may win sympathy for addicted persons, but screw over many pain patients? Or is it the true view --which may risk sabotaging sympathy for addicted persons, but avoid grossly exaggerating the risk for most pain patients?

Hmm. It seems hard to say!

My modest suggestion is that one excellent tie-breaker is to simply tell the truth, as far as possible.

Moreover, I think the true view—when explained carefully and in a well-contextualized manner—will generally end up being the view that leads to the best political outcomes in the long run.

[i-just-wanna-be-called-sparkle]

Okay. Killer Teddie AU time. Full spoiler warning ahead for P4 and even a bit of P5. Full timeline of all events in order up ahead. Smaller details and ideas at the very end of it. Some of this might not make sense or have an explanation because, at the time, I hadn’t finished base game Persona 4 and had no idea of stuff like Izanami, Sagiris, and so on and so forth. Even now, I haven’t yet finished P4G. The next time I work on this AU will be after I’ve finished P4G and have a good grasp on everything to change what doesn’t make sense and add stuff that does. For now take what I’ve worked on thus far. Sorry if some of my explanations are a little wonky. Extremely fucking long post ahead, I’m seriously not joking around this time.

And, before I start, I’m not the only one who worked on the AU! This is a team project between me and my gf! I know it’s not much to say, but I want to give half of the credit to her rather than taking all of it for myself, cuz while a lot of these ideas came from me, a lot came from her, too.

So, let me explain why Teddie’s a killer in the first place. It starts when he’s still just a mindless Shadow, and he comes face to face with a group of Persona users that existed long before the investigation team, consisting of Tohru Adachi, Mayumi Yamano, and a lot of miscellaneous unnamed characters who may or may not be made into proper characters in the futures. Why this first group existed and consists of those characters is one of those things that hasn’t been fully thought through yet. But, one thing’s for sure, they love going into the TV world and just beating up Shadows for fun every once in a while. At this point in the story, Shadows aren’t necessarily hostile yet, so basically, Teddie witnesses a bunch of his own kind get slaughtered for no reason and, probably because he’s starting to grow some kind of consciousness at this point, goes buck wild and kills the whole group save for Tohru Adachi, who manages to escape. This is how Mayumi Yamano meets her demise and also, how Teddie grows a proper body - it isn’t that bear suit of his though, it’s a human body, most likely the result of humans being the only thing he was exposed to aside from Shadows in that world. From that point forward, a fiery hatred for humans begins to develop within him.

Y’know how Teddie’s real crafty, making those glasses for the Investigation Team to use to see better in the TV world? Well, after a while, he decides he’s tired of walking around bear naked and makes himself some clothes to wear. Those fingers aren’t dexterous for nothing. Not too long after he makes these clothes, Saki ends up in the TV world - for another reason that wasn’t thought through well enough yet, but it’s something like she has a Persona too. This AU is very generous with who gets Personas, I know, please bear with it for now. She ends up bumping into Teddie, the two interact, and because Saki’s a little bitch she finds Teddie to be quite strange, what with the way he talks and how he apparently “comes from the TV world,” and is very verbal about it - very rude about it, too. This first impression with a new human + Teddie’s already intensifying hatred for humans = Saki’s gruesome demise. “Are all humans like this?” Is what Teddie thinks. “Are they all cruel? Are they all mean?” Teddie now has a stronger hate for Humanity that only grows stronger and stronger the more he’s forced to sit in that quiet TV world and think and think and think and think about it.

And along with that hate for humanity, comes a hate for his current human form. So he crafts himself that bear suit of his, and wears it all the time - I believe he also makes it so whatever he bumps into next doesn’t think he’s weird sounding or weird speaking or weird… looking, which, I’ll describe now rather than at the end of the post. Teddie doesn’t look all that different, but the main changes are that his eye colour is now a duller, greyer shade of blue, he is overall even paler, and he is also a lot skinnier. No real reason for these design choices aside from self indulgence without going too overboard. Moving on from that, not too long after he makes the suit is when Chie and Yu and Yosuke go in for the first time. Teddie keeps on a facade of innocence and happiness for a “good first impression,” and nothing changes from then up until the appearance of Yosuke’s Shadow. Since a Shadow is the side of oneself that they don’t want to acknowledge or see, it’s chock full of bad traits and negative emotions - further solidifying Teddie’s belief that all humans are just awful, sinful, nasty creatures.

One thing that Isn’t well thought out at all, and something that I have no clue where to put on the timeline, is this whole deal between Teddie and Namatame. Basically, Teddie communicates with Namatame through the TV (can’t remember if he just talks through it, or sticks his head through), and convinces Namatame to start pushing people in not to save them, but for something along the lines of how he “secretly wants them to die.” Maybe it was because Namatame shares Teddie’s beliefs of humanity being repulsing, but it’s too vague a memory to make heads or tails of it. Don’t know how things would work out without it, though, so it’s sticking around as is for now.

Also, as of right now in the AU, the IT is completely unaware of Teddie’s human form hiding right under his bear form/bear suit. Good lord, I am already tired of typing this all out, this post is so long. Still got a long way to go, kind of.

Here’s another loose idea that hasn’t been fully thought about, and it’s when Teddie encounters his Shadow in Rise’s dungeon. My memories are a bit foggy on this one, but I’ll try my best to remember. So, his encounter with his Shadow stays largely the same, with maybe a couple of his Shadow’s lines being changed to represent how not only is he hiding originally being a Shadow from his teammates, but also how he’s hiding the fact that he’s the killer they’re trying to find - all of it is too vague for the IT to piece together, though. But also a thing that’s changed is his reaction to his Shadow is a LOT more aggressive, a slip up to show a small glance of his true personality - but again, the IT doesn’t think anything of it because, Teddie’s facing his Shadow here, of COURSE he’s going to act different when he’s coming face to face with a part of himself he wants to ignore. Eventually, he manages to accept his Shadow, but for one way or another, a second Shadow starts to develop within him. Maybe it’s because he only partially accepted his Shadow, maybe it’s because of something else - like he didn’t accept his Shadow for the right reason, I can’t remember. But it starts to develop. I remember wanting to give him a second persona akin to what Akechi has in p5 - one for lies, and one for truths, but this is one of those things that will either need to be completely cut out or heavily modified in my opinion.

Teddie kills more frequently in this AU. In between when he’s helping the IT rescue people from the TV world, he’s throwing in people on the night that it fogs up so the IT doesn’t have time to see people appear on the TV/doesn’t have time to go in and save them, resulting in their deaths. Teddie so far has only thrown in people who have been assholes or scum in his eyes, and these are the only people that end up dying in the TV world even with the advent of the IT. Teddie gets away with this by sneaking out at night sometimes and either witnessing these people do disgusting things, or overhearing about it. Two candidates/victims are the two girls from Yosuke’s social link (hopefully you know who I mean) and the bully/bullies from Chie’s social link. Though, for the two girls, I like the idea of it being AFTER Teddie comes to the real world for real and shows off his human form, and starts working at Junes. He’s “working overtime,” late at night, calls up those two girls and asks them to come to Junes to “help him stock shelves” - “I’ll make sure you and your friend get payed extra for it. I’ll take it out of Yosuke’s paycheck.” Next thing you know, they’ve been knocked out and thrown into the TV because they’re heartless assholes in his eyes.

Only way Teddie would get away with a killing like that, though, is through having an outfit to disguise himself from Junes’ security cameras - so, at some point in the timeline, that’s what he does. Repurposes his old clothes from the TV world into an outfit to disguise his identity, to let him keep killing, and he keeps it tucked away either somewhere in the real world or in the TV world. He probably does this before he “becomes human,” so that his clothes are kept secret from the IT team, and that whole “I’m like a newborn in here” scene can happen.

Also, just for clarification, that hate Teddie felt for Yosuke’s Shadow? And how it solidified his hatred for humanity yet further, and his belief that they are all scummy beings? This keeps happening for every single Shadow he sees. Chie’s, Yukiko’s, Kanji’s, etc.

Mitsuo Kubo is the only one thrown in by Teddie who doesn’t die, so that the plot can progress normally, but also because it probably went something like this. Teddie sneaks out late at night to find more disgusting humans to kill, to “purge the earth of such horrendous beings,” and comes across Mitsuo killing Morooka. A human? Committing murder? A human being slaughtering another human being? How sinful. How disgusting. How treacherous. Teddie has to deal with this immediately. So he throws Mitsuo into the TV world without waiting for the fog to settle first (it’s too dire of a situation to ignore, after all). He’s kind of hypocritical, thinking Mitsuo is a terrible person for committing murder (he is, though) and then going right ahead and throwing him in the TV, aiming to kill. He’s just cleansing the world, though - that’s how he sees it.

Also, I believe for most nights when he decides to sneak out, he’s wearing his disguise outfit, so that he doesn’t get caught if he’s in a situation like that where he kills someone on a whim - or just to avoid being caught when he’s out so late snooping around for more victims. Random fun fact by the way: the idea for this whole AU started from the fact that Teddie could use his knowledge of the TV world and how it works to easily get away with using it to commit crimes. Moving on now.

Another thing that doesn’t yet have a place in the timeline is this small thing. I like to think Teddie has a tendency to stay up later into the night because of his occasional nightly outings, and he doesn’t really have enough time to fix his sleep schedule - or he actually just CAN’T. But anyways, he’s keeping himself busy at night while he can’t sleep, maybe playing on an old console in Yosuke’s room, when Yosuke wakes up and starts talking to him until he also gets tired enough to fall back asleep. He says to Teddie that he’s worried about him. “You’ve got bags under your eyes, and you’re basically made of flesh and bone.” He says. Maybe Teddie’s skinny enough his ribs show a little. “This isn’t the first time you’ve stayed up this late, either. Like you’re restless about something.” Sometimes Teddie just paces around the room until he gets tired enough to pass out. “And, what time is it, like, 2:00 AM? I’m really worried about you, Ted.” And that really gets to Teddie. He starts to cry. Here he is, devoting his time to hating humanity, to killing humans, to putting on a happy go lucky, innocent facade around his “friends” to hide his true nature and keep himself emotionally distant from them - and poor Yosuke over here is oblivious to it all, worrying for his dear friend and roommate like this is all unnatural when it’s what he truly is on the inside. And for just a moment, Teddie feels truly bad, and he just keeps crying and crying and crying, probably while Yosuke holds him and tries to comfort him, until he exhausts himself, goes to sleep, and pushes it all out of his head the next morning. But on that night, he had let his guard drop, and he had let himself be vulnerable, and he had allowed himself to get a little closer to Yosuke - a little more attached to him than before. It was only a little, but it was enough to be concerning… it was “just a little” too much for comfort. He can’t let himself get close to that thing.

Oh no, I’m starting to lose focus. We’re nearing the end now. So, you know how Teddie makes that promise to Nanako, right? That he’ll stay in their world to play with her and such? He probably makes the same promise in this AU.

I say probably, because depending on wether he did or not leads to two separate endings, and I can’t decide on which I like more.

So, if he DOES make the promise, HE’S the one who pushes Nanako in. The reason? He’s getting too attached. He’s letting his guard down around a human, and that scares him. He’s getting emotionally attached and invested, and that scares him. He’s starting to care about something that he hates with all of his heart, and that scares him. So he pushes her into the TV, because he’s not allowed to do that, because all humans are evil - no exceptions. This results in Teddie being outed because, when Nanako dies in the hospital (don’t know how that happens yet without Namatame, plothole), he can’t handle the guilt anymore. It’s overwhelming him, suffocating him, drowning him. He falls to the floor, completely breaking down, screaming and sobbing about how it’s all his fault. Then, he either runs out of the room and throws himself into a TV after realizing he’d outed himself, or Yosuke throws him into a TV in a fit of rage and because he feels like Teddie betrayed his trust by pretending to act all innocent when he was the killer.

If he DOESN’T make the promise, or at least, doesn’t get attached, Namatame throws her into the TV and things play out the exact same until they get to the top of Heaven, where Teddie completely loses his shit at Namatame. Maybe he goes to beat the fuck out of him, maybe he’s screaming and shouting at him, in any case, he’s showing his raw personality now. That isn’t what outs him, though - it’s Namatame. “I recognize you.” He says, either through his voice or his appearance. “Why are you so mad at me? I’m doing what you told me to. I’m doing what you want.” Something along those lines. “What?” The IT reacts. “Teddie, is this true? Have you been lying to us?” And the only thing Teddie can do is freeze up, and run away, out of the dungeon - probably not without beating up Namatame a little more for outing him. “Fuck you.” It’s like an endless stream of insults and vulgar language pour from his mouth. “You’ve gone ahead and exposed me, you bitch. You little shit. I hate you. It’s all your fault.”

Now on to Teddie’s dungeon. This part is, uh… Pretty dark. General content warning for death ahead.

So, to contrast Nanako’s dungeon Heaven, Teddie’s dungeon is Hell. There are two concepts for this dungeon though - one is that it’s just conventional catholic/christian Hell, and the other was that it’s based off of/is the frozen over Hel in norse mythology. Because, Teddie has ice attacks, you know? But they’re both largely the same, if not visually. In the earlier floors, there are some objects strewn around like burnt and torn up images of Teddie and the IT, Teddie and Nanako, his bear suit, and maybe one or two other objects of some importance to him. The voices that are heard at the beginning of all the early floors consist of Teddie sobbing and dealing with his inner turmoil of hating humans but getting attached to the likes of Yosuke, Nanako, the IT overall, and the like. “They’re humans.” He thinks. “They’re humans, and all humans are awful. I hate all of them. But I love them. They’re different… They’re nice to me. I don’t deserve it.” “Maybe humanity isn’t so bad after all…” “*sobbing* I’m sorry, Nana-Chan…”

You know how earlier dungeons like Yukiko’s and Kanji’s have that floor in the middle of the dungeon where you encounter the Shadows and that weird title card thing appears? That exists in Teddie’s dungeon, and on the floor right before it, the voice at the beginning of the floor is just Teddie screaming hysterically, maybe even crying. Why? Well, when you go to that next floor…

There’s Teddie. Standing in front of the hanging corpses of Nanako and Yosuke, hesitantly reaching out to them like he can’t process what he’s looking at. And when the IT calls out to him from behind him, the way he looks at them is estranging. He looks terrified, he has to do a double take because one second he was staring at Yosuke’s corpse, then the next moment, he was looking at him, perfectly alive, with the IT. They try and reach out to him, but he’s like a spooked wild animal, and he runs away to the next floor.

The later floors are now decorated with Nanako and Yosuke’s corpses, possibly even the rest of the IT, and the voices now are just Teddie arguing with himself and screaming hysterically, like he’s going insane being in such a horrible place, like he’s becoming more and more deranged with every passing moment. “This is how it should be! All those heartless monsters DESERVE to die! They deserve to hang lifelessly this! But they don’t! I don’t want them to die! I don’t think like that! But I do! But I don’t! These guys are horrendous- no, they’re my friends! THEY’RE SCUM OF THE EARTH! NO, I DON’T THINK LIKE THAT!” And so on and so forth.

When they finally reach the last floor, the deepest floor, the final circle of Hell, they find Teddie there, deranged to the point of practically being a different person. That second Shadow that was developing within him now is toying with him, messing with his head, whispering things to him that make him clutch his head and beg for it all to stop. The IT can’t get through to him now, and he either snaps, gets hostile at them for being “heartless, monstrous, evil humans,” and forces them into a fight, or that Shadow ends up possessing him (either fully, or to a certain extent), and they have no choice but to fight him and knock some sense into him. In either case, he gains his second Persona - something that will most likely be similar to Magatsu-Izanagi, not sure yet - and also, for the sake of self indulgence, it’s like he can control wether or not he is more or less like a Shadow. AKA, goopy black forearms fitted with deadly sharp claws instead of fingers.

I can’t actually remember what EXACTLY happens after the battle, aside from Teddie Goes To Prison, but here’s another battle outcome I almost forgot about that I am DETERMINED to add into the final product. Remember at the beginning, when I specified that Adachi was the only member of the first group of Persona users to survive Teddie’s slaughter? Well, at some point, he overhears the IT talking about Teddie being the killer and the TV world’s existence and decides to butt in. “Can I come along too?” He asks. “I’m a Persona user, just like all of you. You’re talking about catching the culprit here, right? The same culprit who killed Mayumi in the beginning? The same culprit who probably almost got me, then?” Something along those lines. So, he goes in with them, and would you look at that - Teddie still hasn’t forgotten his face. So, in the case of “Teddie snapping and going all hostile on them,” it’s most likely because he sees Adachi mixed in with the IT and alllll of those emotions from so long ago come flooding back… combine that with his hysteria, and boom, you’ve got a raging Teddie hell bound on taking his revenge and getting some closure before he either goes to prison or dies trying not to.

And… I think that’s it. Only thing left to mention is that at some point, right before my hyperfixation ended, me and my gf were trying to figure out a way to implement an accomplice ending and a Teddie Arcana Change, but the end of my obsession came too early in the development of both of those, so there’s not much to say. Also, in this AU, I’m thinking of making Shadows hostile because of the first group of Persona users, like how Teddie hates all of humanity almost purely because of that group. Also, small detail, he’s wearing that disguise of his during the fight - dunno how he got it, but I do wanna add it in somehow, though. This post is also already long enough, so I should stop myself here.

Speaking of that, holy fuck, thanks to anyone who’s read this entire long ass messy post. Like that is just so awesome, I commend you for it. Seriously this post took actual hours just to write down, it’s way too long for any NORMAL person to read all the way through, heavy emphasis on normal (affectionate). Asks about this AU are welcomed and appreciated, if there are any. If not, seriously literally just the fact that anyone might be reading this message at all is enough to sustain me.

[sukifans]

PET • RI • CHOR

[n] a pleasant smell that accompanies the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather

ZUKO X OC SERIES

SUMMARY: a captured waterbender and the fire prince may sound like an unlikely pair, but kena never much cared about others’ expectations and zuko, well… he was just along for the ride

A/N: hm that summary was kind of... terrible. but wow okay that first bit got way more attention than i honestly thought it would. thank you all so much for the love, it’s really brought up my mood and i’ve been feeling pretty down being stuck at my parents’ house during all... this. i’m so happy y’all enjoyed and i look forward to bringing you more Content TM by eventually opening up for requests and stuff like that if anyone is interested 🥺 as before, absolutely reply/message/ask/telegraph/etc me any questions/comments/tag requests!! love y’all!!!

⏎ MASTERLIST // PROLOGUE i « PROLOGUE ii » PART I

They managed to keep their friendship mostly a secret for a little while. Zuko knew his father wouldn’t approve, so they either snuck out to talk together at nights or he’d make up excuses to visit the infirmary. He’d lie about some vague illness symptoms or “slip up” during his training and sustain a few burns. As time passed, they had to get more and more creative. Ursa figured it out relatively quickly, but she thought Kena and their budding relationship was good for the young prince. Zuko didn’t really care one way or another if his mother knew — as long as Ozai never heard about them, it didn’t matter. She often even helped facilitate their little meetings, even if they didn’t know it. One warm June day, Ursa took Zuko to the newly-bloomed field of fire lilies on the palace grounds under the pretense of taking a walk around the gardens.

“Aren’t they lovely, Zuko?” She stroked his hair while they sat in the shade of a cherry blossom tree overlooking the field.

“Yeah,” he said. “I think fire lilies are my favorite.”

“You know, girls love flowers.”

“So?” Zuko scrunched up his face as he looked at his mom, who smiled.

“I’m just saying, if there’s ever a girl you like, you should bring her flowers. I think she’d really like it.”

“Ew, Mom! I don’t like any girls, they’re gross.” He stuck his tongue out comically and she laughed at him.

“What about Mai and Ty Lee?”

“Yes!”

“Even me?”

He hesitated. “Well, no. But you’re not a girl!”

She laughed again. “What am I, then?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “You’re just Mom.”

“If you say so, my love,” she said gently. Ursa dropped the topic after that and pretended not to notice when the prince sneakily pocketed a flower when he thought she wasn’t looking.

Later that evening, he found Kena in a deserted corridor as they’d planned and presented her the flower abruptly, flushing wildly. The butterflies in his stomach went wild when he saw her eyes go big and her lips part in surprise.

“It’s for you,” he said, avoiding her gaze. “I saw it in the garden and thought of you because they’re my favorite and you’re my favorite, and they’re really pretty and I think you’re really pretty too.” Her face reddened as much as his and she beamed, reaching out to take the flower. Before he could react, she had engulfed him in a hug. He closed his eyes and squeezed her back tightly, setting his chin on her shoulder.

“Thanks, Zuko. I love it.” She twirled it around in her fingers absently as she took a step back. “You’re my favorite too, you know.”

“I would hope so!” They both giggled, shyly looking at anything but each other.

“I told my mom I would help her with something tonight, so I have to go,” she said, lips pulling into a frown. Zuko frowned too.

“Oh. Okay.” He rubbed the toe of his shoe against the ground.

“I’ll see you again soon, though, okay? And I’ll stay longer.”

“You promise?” Zuko held out his hand, pinky extended. She grinned again and entwined her little finger with his.

“I promise.” Before either of them could step away, she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. His mouth dropped open, face deep red all over again, and she dashed away while laughing. “Bye!” she called over her shoulder, waving.

“B-bye,” he whispered, hand raising to where she’d kissed him. Slowly, his face lit up into a wide smile and he turned to go back to his room, stomach full of butterflies again.

The next evening at dinner, Ozai set down his cutlery and looked at his son.

“Prince Zuko,” he began and the boy looked up from his plate, which he’d been smiling faintly at, “I hear you’ve made a friend.”

The boy’s brow furrowed. “I did?”

“It’s his girlfriend, Dad,” Azula taunted from across the table and Zuko paled. “That water tribe girl in the infirmary.”

“I- I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t lie to me, son,” Ozai said coolly. “Azula said she saw you sneaking around with her last night. What were you doing with her?”

“Zuzu gave her a flower and she kissed him!” said Azula, grinning devilishly. Ozai’s eyebrows raised and Ursa looked nervously between father and son.

“Is this true?” Ozai asked.

“I, uh- um, well-“ Zuko stammered out incoherently. He’d never forgive himself if Kena got in trouble because of him. Well, he’d never forgive Azula for telling their father, anyways.

“Answer.”

“Yes,” Zuko sighed and looked down at the table. “But she’s not my girlfriend. I just... thought she’d like the fire lily because I don’t think she’s ever been to the gardens to see them before.”

“I told him to give her the flower,” Ursa cut in quickly. Zuko breathed a quiet sigh of relief. “I noticed the girl always looks miserable and I thought she’d work better with some cheering up.” She played it off easily, twisting the truth enough to maybe placate her husband. Ozai simply glared at her before looking back at his son who still looked remarkably pale.

“You’re not close with her, then?” he asked.

“No, I’m not,” Zuko lied. “I just see her around.”

“So you wouldn’t be upset if I were to, say, send her and her mother to prison with the rest of the waterbending savages?” Zuko felt lightheaded at the thought of Kena in a cell, suffering and lonely and sad.

“My lord-“ Ursa started.

“Silence,” Ozai snapped before continuing to taunt the prince. “You wouldn’t care, then, if I had them executed?”

Despite the warning voice in the back of his head, Zuko jumped to his feet. “They’re innocent people, you can’t do that!”

“Actually, I think you’ll find that I can and I will. Maybe if the snow savages die you’ll learn to respect your position and your father.” He picked up his fork again and resumed eating like nothing had happened. “Sana, take Prince Zuko to his chambers and keep an eye on him. He will not be seeing that girl again.”

As a frightened-looking Sana ushered a furious and horrified Zuko away from the table, he shot a vicious glare at his sister. Azula’s face was stony. She hadn’t meant for the stupid girl to end up dead, she’d just wanted to get her brother in trouble and maybe have the girl sent away. Now Zuko would never play Love Amongst the Dragons with her again, and it just wasn’t as fun with Mai or Ty Lee as the Dark Water Spirit.

Walking down a corridor away from the dining hall, Zuko made a turn to go to the infirmary when Sana stopped him. He gave her an angry look and she sighed.

“Your father said to go to your room, Prince Zuko.” She set a hand on his shoulder and he shrugged her off.

“I will, but I have to warn Kena and her mom first. I can’t just let my father hurt them.”

Sana crouched in front of him so they were eye to eye and she cupped his face in her hands. “Prince Zuko, if your father finds out I didn’t take you directly to your room and keep you there, he’ll hurt me too.” His eyes widened at the realization. He hadn’t even considered that. “I’ll do what I can to get the word to them, but right now I need you to come with me.”

“Okay,” he said quietly, following her as she walked in the direction of his bedroom. He couldn’t let his father hurt Sana either; she had been taking care of him for as long as he could remember and he loved her like family. It wasn’t a risk he was willing to take and he was confident she’d be able to send word through the network of palace staff. He just hoped the message would reach them in time.

A/N: just another small bit of prologue to establish the relationship between zuko and kena. also i guess i’m calling this petrichor? idk it’ll make more sense later. anyways!! hope you enjoyed this small update!!

TAGS: @beifongsss @the-lva-way @lammello @llorom6nnic @idkdude776 @bubblebars @royahllty

[silenceofthecookies]

Black Clover matchup for @nakunakunomi

Matchup for me :D No gender preferences I am a biromantic ace. 

Your age: 24 

Your general appearance - most striking features, your fashion style, etc.

Answer: Chubby mermaid lol. Long curly hair almost all the way down my back. Red at the moment, but I’ve had all colors of the rainbow. Ears pierced multiple times and a septum ring whenever I leave the house. My general style is comfy alternative, loads of black, boots and ripped jeans but baggy shirts and sweaters. I don’t like drawing much attention to my chest because my boobs are a very prominent feature. Hourglass figure with extra minutes: so there’s boobs and ass but also a tummy and such. I have dimples when I laugh and a whole bunch of moles over my body. I like a killer liner and mascara but don’t necessary wear makeup every day. I like 4 tattoos and waiting for that fifth one. 

Your MBTI, western zodiac chart, etc.

Answer: INFP (mediator), Scorpio sun, Libra moon, Pisces ascending. Year of the rat. I’d say my MBTI type is pretty accurate and while I don’t have many of the bitchy traits often assigned to Scorpios, I do have some of the passion towards things I care about and a generally jealous and stubborn personality. 

Your personality, how you perceive yourself and how people around you perceive you.*

Your hobbies, interests, life goals etc.*

Answer: Stubbornness and some jealousy (that is always internalized) are my worst traits. I lack self-esteem and confidence and get anxious in new situations. Once I am around people I trust I blossom open and become more giggly (lame jokes and such) my humor is about 50% puns and 50% sarcasm. I am quick-witted with ‘mean’ remarks but I will never intend to offend or cause harm to anyone. Tough exterior comes with a soft interior. I tend to overthink and worry a lot and will usually put a friend’s needs above mine. I often have people coming to me for advice or to help them calm down. I will be honest in the softest way possible, even if the things I need to say aren’t necessarily nice. I want my friends to flourish. I get easily distracted by cute things and can really enjoy beautiful sights, nice food, good company… i am heavily introverted but I do need the handful of people I care about to flourish myself.

I accumulate facts and know loads of small things about a lot of things. I like adding in fun facts every now and then but sometimes I come across as a know-it-all and then I will get really self-conscious about it. I either talk up a storm nonstop or turn into myself and get really really quiet. 

Your favorites, likes, dislikes, pet peeves, fears.*

Answer: anything creative: reading and writing, drawing (although I’m terrible at it), pixel art. Singing, making music, playing instruments, DIYing things. I am quite good with makeup and wigs, and I cosplay but the sewing I still struggle with. I love acting and gaming as well although I don’t spend that much time on them.

I am super heavily interested in true crime, cases, and the psychology of murderers and such. I tend to get overexcited talking about such cases, never celebrating violence, but just being very fascinated by what a human brain can do. I also just really love riddles, mysteries, and solving them.

I’d love to become a teacher or a professional dog trainer. I love animals more than I love people and if I could work with dogs every day of my life that’d be amazing. An unrealistic goal would be to sing for a living, or do musicals. But I don’t think that’s ever gonna happen. 

Any additional info you would like to share, fun facts, etc.

Answer: food! Mainly Asian dishes (from all of Asia) and pastas. I love cooking and experimenting in the kitchen and trying out new things to taste. I’m vegetarian but not vegan and I will try everything that’s not meat or fish at least once! I love all kinds of animals, not only your average pets. I will also go pet the cows, and in the zoo you’ll have to drag me away by my ankles from the reptilians and the aquarium. I am fascinated by them and I love them. I love plants and flowers, and if you’d let me be, Id have a small jungle in my house with all kinds of plants and animals. I just love taking care of them, talking to them…

I dislike arrogant people, people who are rude against serving staff. I dislike impoliteness and laziness in the sense that other people are suffering from your lack of work. If I am in a group project I will never procrastinate because it can drag the whole group down, it’s okay to be lazy if it only impacts yourself.

I am afraid of loneliness and the fact that everyone I know just pretends to like me while talking behind my back and secretly hating me. I am not easily startled by monsters, animals, and such, but I do get a little paranoid if I have to walk in the street in the middle of the night. (a side effect from the true-crime consumption) 

Answer: I think I added most things in the other walls of text (sorry they are so long). But when it comes to relationship and goals around that there are these things that I think are most important: 

Love language is mostly quality time and words of affirmation, and that’s what I like too, as well as soft PDA and affections: cuddles, kisses, hand holding… I like spending time together, and even more so I like actually doing things together: sharing hobbies, going out, dates, dinners, walks, adventures, travels… all the things! :hellmo: 

Patience, because I have some anxiety issues as well as fear of commitment. I will definitely need some reassurance. Also consent is the sexiest thing in the world, and that’s coming from an ace person.

Honesty, liars are out. I have a lot of trouble trusting again once there has been a breach of trust. White lies for surprises and such is one thing, but any intentional lying in order to avoid confrontation is an absolute dealbreaker. 

I match you with...

Dorothy Unsworth!

Despite her being asleep a lot of the time, Dorothy notices more than she lets on. She can see straight through the front someone is putting up and see what they are really feeling. This really helps in letting her support you, who is always supporting others. She’ll remind you that sometimes you need to take a break or that you need to focus on yourself instead of others. With her infectious smile and her own absurd sense of humour, she’ll do her best to cheer you up, or at least to distract you from whatever is bothering you.

Dorothy is very patient and has no rush with any relationship. Everything has its own time and waiting for that time to come it part of the fun, right? She’s also very understanding of your anxiety and is able to adjust her energy to the situation, keeping it low when you need comfort and reassurance, and going straight back to high when you’re feeling better and just want to have some fun.

Dorothy may seem very cute and girly, but she is interested in true crime as much as you are. The gruesome details of a case are not wasted on her and she will gladly talk with you about these cases. In her time as a magic knight she has seen her own fair share of true crime as well and she will gladly share anything that’s not confidential or dangerous.

Her love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. Not a day will go by where Dorothy won’t hug you from behind, kiss you between your shoulder blades and tell you she loves you. She loves loving you and making you feel loved. When she’s in love, keeping her lover safe, emotionally and physically, is her number one priority. She won’t give you even a second to doubt her love for you whenever you’re together. She’s very conscious of your boundaries and makes sure to not cross them.

Not a single lie will leave her mouth, unless as a joke, which will be very clear when she tells it. She is a knight, an enforcer of justice and peace, and lies are not in her book. Teasing, however, very much is, though she prefers to tease you with truths instead of with jokes. If there’s truth to the teasing, it’s just that much more effective.

You want this small strong captain to be putty in your hands? Cook for her, or cook with her. Dorothy greatly enjoys the good things in life and food is definitely on her list of good things. Her preference is mostly sweets, but she knows she needs to eat healthy food as well and she’s not picky when it comes to her dinner. The only need she has is that it tastes good, and that’s something you with your amazing culinary skills can definitely provide!