co-dependent homoerotic bone rot
At least,
your bones will always be the same
that tangled in mine
on walks home from school,
back in that little bit of time
before we became archived photos on instagram,
liked messages,
other sides of the country -
living out our plans with others
made when for womanhood we were hungry,
when our seeds were sown in that
leisure centre park -
our first attempt at girlhood
fresh limbs playing games
i thought i was winning
but at least,
when your bones rot,
the earth will know
that we went down that sled together,
landed tangled in the snow
tied together through our invisible
string,
our bones forever,
tree stump rings
of girls you leave behind;
im sure my mark is there somewhere
even if you don't want to remember.
i'm there even if you never think of me again,
you'll hear my name
and you'll be tumbling down the hill,
plastic sled edges cutting through your mittens,
the girl who you told you loved
before either of you knew what that meant,
with her legs wrapped around you
holding you tighter
plummeting towards the unknown,
towards the answers you will find
but never be able to share with each other.
but your bones will know -
they will ache
and they will rot,
but they will always know.
-mauvelvr
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ronda slater, what I need is: a contemplation of bisexuality, from bi any other name: bisexual people speak out, edited by Lorraine Hutchins and Lani Kaahumanu, 1991
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make bad art / page intentionally left blank
a mini zine about perfectionism
image description applying to all photos: a background of bright colourful floral fabric with in front of it a booklet, each photo a different page. individual image description embedded
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Making Plans
What do you do when you have too many thoughts in your head?
Do you beat them out like I do?
Do you drink them away?
Do you smoke until your bowl is burnt?
What do you do when you have friends to talk to but none of them understand your struggles?
Do you bottle it up like I do?
Do you keep it to yourself until you’re screaming?
Do you finally tell them that you’re not okay?
What do you do when you want it all to end?
Do you go for a drive with loud music like I do?
Do you see about a quick swim?
Do you contemplate buying tapes and record your 13 reasons?
What do you do to suppress the thoughts in your head?
Do you listen to loud music and ignore them like I do?
Do you take your medicine like you’re supposed to?
Do you cry into your pillow and let them out?
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"May I love you?"
I whispered in your ear,
you didn't seem to hear.
"Can I love you?"
Is it even allowed?
It's so hard to say aloud.
"Please, my darling,"
I wrapped my arms around you,
I didn't know what else to do.
"Call me darling."
I look into your eyes,
I look past your disguise.
I love you.
Gently.
Fiercely.
wonderfully.
Darling, let me love you.
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"at least you never have to be 16 again" well try going to the house you lived when you were severely mentally ill while sleep deprived and have one thing go wrong.
i stretched the truth to make this poem flow well. i am ages 15-19/20 again doesn't flow as well.
this did make me feel compassion with my teenage self. she was trying her best. being 15-19 was the hardest thing i ever did
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