#but ALSO a lot of y'all get really hateful about the very concept of children in the process of expressing that

[asteria-argo]

you know as someone who doesn't want kids but enjoys the hell out of families in fiction both found and otherwise, I gotta say the people who are vehemently against the idea of their Girlboss Fav having kids because it'll ruin their characters are usually right but they're also super annoying about it.

[paperboy-pb]

Now that the prologue is done, I can't thank the fans of this series enough.

No, we haven't hit any particular follower milestone. The story has just begun. And most of you haven't given me any sort of financial support to help me out, either. (And that's alright! I haven't asked, lol.)

I'm thanking you for just being apart of the audience.

I started PB in a little blue notebook during the summer of 2015. It was originally meant for my eyes only. And a big part of the reason why was that, when I googled things like "Special Ed makes me feel bad," there wouldn't be much of anything coming up. There were Quora forums! A couple of YouTube videos. Articles here and there.

But it wasn't a lot. Not enough to help me out for long. And it only hammered the idea further into my head that I was alone in what I endured. As I got older, grew up, and away from the program and people who took my disabled youth, I constantly felt this urge to talk about it. What SpEd had put me through. What I'd lost. What I'd seen & heard. The things I did and didn't learn. Even though I was never a very open kid, let alone teenager.

I hated that no one was talking about it. And how nobody knew what happened to kids like me behind closed doors. At 13 and 14, almost none of the new friends I made had ever heard a life story like mine. And I've always found that wild: I had a LOT of friends! (Still do!)

So I kept drawing it out. Kept working on the story in notebooks, sketchbooks, my friends' DMs, and anywhere else words could go. Sometimes, my family would catch glimpses of the concept art. Sad sketches of Matthew crying, freaky drafts of Monster, or tense moments between what would become Class 7-C.

And one of my parents would be like, "Why is your art so depressing?" They'd roll their eyes. And they'd add on, "People's parents aren't gonna like it!"

No, I never told them what the story was about. I never even told them it was a children's media (because it kinda isn't! I'd personally put PB as 13+?) These were judgments made with just one glance at computer papers covered in pencil strokes; sketchy and shapey little kids who didn't look like they were having fun.

I knew they were wrong. But the audacity still pissed me off. There aren't many times where it's appropriate to boss somebody else around in how to tell their story, you know? Not only that, but I also worried about not having an audience back then. Sure, all my friends loved my work. But at the time, I was the only one who'd really experienced anything "Special Education" in life. Thus, these were General Ed kids watching it unfold. Able-bodied eyes and (as far as I knew back then) neurotypical minds, watching and learning from whatever I made.

And I liked that. But that wasn't the only group I wanted to be seen by. I wanted disabled people, especially youth in their teens and twenties, to see it. That's my primary audience. And shit like that made me wonder if I'd ever find it. Had me second-guessing myself a little, you know?

But I shook it off. It's like that thing teachers always say in class. "If you're confused or have a question, ask: whatever it is, you probably aren't the only one thinking it!"

And I searched for stuff like PAPERBOY, hadn't I? Yeah. I had. So by that logic, other people definitely would be, too.

So I stuck to my guns, and... check it! Y'all showed up!

One thing I've noticed ever since publishing part 1 is that the PB Nation is pretty damn devoted. You guys have been patient, passionate, silly, and unapologetically yourselves since the get-go. And the response to every old promotional comic or post I've made has been OVERWHELMINGLY positive and curious. I've gotten fucking fanart, man! More than once! I've had the honor of meeting a few of you in person already! And for the ones who haven't caught me out with my friends in New York, believe me, I REMEMBER who comments what.

By the way, you guys should spam my comments more. Fuckin' love that shit. SPEAK TO ME, lmao. Even if it's like, the most irrelevant PB question ever. Keyboard smash in my comment sections. Send me disability reels you like. Tell me what you wanna see from the story. Whatever, as long as it doesn't bleed into parasocial territory!

I've gotta have one of the best audiences out there. So thank you! For just... being around. Here's to hoping y'all enjoy the journey we're aboutta go on.

[nerdby]

I hate to say it but the one thing Moms 4 Fascism is doing right actually reading the books that their kids wanna read.

Like I fucking hate those people -- there are dads in the group too -- but it is really important to monitor and talk to your kids about the media they consume. When you do that without the intention of turning them into brainwashed fascists, then you're being a good parent. And I'm speaking from experience here. I did not have very good media literacy growing up. I ended up emulating very, very problematic characters because I didn't understand how or why their behavior was problematic. No one tried to sit down and explain it to me in a way that was not degrading and that made me dig my heels in even more.

If someone had come to me and tried to calmly explain the issue with the media I was consuming, I guarantee I would have listened better.

Like let's look at comic books. A lot of comics and manga are rated T or T+. A T rating means its suitable for ages 13 and up, and T+ is the equivalent of an R-rating which is intended for ages 17 and up. I was parentified growing up and was raising my sister who was a toddler and helping to raise two of my cousins when I first got really into Western comics and started checking them out of the library way back in 2005. I was fifteen years ols. So I did, at one point, tell the children's room librarian that I thought (some) graphic novels should be moved to the Young Adult section of the library.

Like kids over the age of 11 can read whatever the hell they want, ok, but I'm not about to hand a toddler a copy of Berserk or like Marvel's Alias/Jessica Jones or the 2005 Punisher arc.

And apparently the librarians agreed with me and the books did get more popular after being moved to the YA section of the library.

Like a lot of people don't realize how mature comic books really are because--

They're ignorant elitist snobs who think that comics are for children

They're misogynistic assholes who think girls shouldn't read comics because of bullshit gender roles

They're fucking fascists who believe that comic books are pure evil because of problematic male readers -- AKA radfems peddling gender essentialist bullshit

Anything adapted to film tends to be heavily censored, especially anime

But if you want to see how mature comics can be I always recommend Marvel's 2005 MAX run as those books are very graphic and political and marketed at adult readers. Or just watch any of the Netflix Marvel series which are a lot based off of the 2005 MAX run. Like seriously did y'all not see Wilson Fisk decapitate a man with a car door????

No???

Here ya go.

And the first season of Jessica Jones is a straight up traumatizing masterpiece of horror.

But you probably wanna stop after season one cause it gets kinda cringe from there on out. The Defenders series is worth watching as well, but really it's better if you just stick to the books with these. The books are definitely better. Except for the OG Iron Fist cause that entire concept gives off majorly racist white savior vibes but that's a story for another day. Read the newer Iron Fist books where the superhero from Asia that saves Asian people from Asian mafias and is the absolute best at Asian martial arts is now an actual Asian person and not some random white dude👌🏻

Check out Iron Fist: The Shattered Sword by Alyssa Wong here.

Like I had someone tell me that comic books are evil because children will try to emulate super heroes. Believe me, no one wants that so if you're a parent whose having that problem

Make them watch the movie Kick-Ass (2010).

Or enroll your kid in martial arts. There are also martial arts how-to's on YouTube. Be sure to emphasize that martial arts should only be used for self-defense because cops are fascist dicks and in real life superheroes go to prison. Because the government wants to prevent minorities from staging a potentially violent uprising and usurping their asses to bring about something that might hopefully be better🙃

Ok, you can leave that last part out but its kind of an interesting thought, huh?🤔

But like seriously if people would just monitor the media they're kids consume and talk them about how and why it might be problematic and why they should not emulate certain pieces of media then.....Well, it'd still be an issue cause fascists have and will always exist. Maybe it would be more contained, though?

Crazy idea, I know.

[thejustmaiden]

So out of nowhere I was tagged and quoted by a SR shipper for a blog of mine posted in August of last year. Talk about throwback but, hey, gotta appreciate that level of snooping. 😉

Back in the day I actually used to encourage discourse amongst Inuyasha fans- both shippers and antis alike- but I've since realized that it's a lost cause. But for you, @feministmetalgreymon , I'll grant this exception. Just 'cause it's been a while so why the hell not. haha

I want to assure you, however, that nothing you say will ever convince me that Sesshomaru and Rin are meant to be together romantically or that the story intended it so. Nor will you find any validation here. You can ship them for all I care, but please for all that is good and holy while I have your attention try- I mean really try- to understand why it is so many of us Inuyasha fans are so against this pairing in the first place (newsflash: it's not about ship wars), and why we believe a romance between the two of them is completely and utterly out of character.

For those of you interested in reading this, the blog of mine in question that the above shipper mentions in their counter-argument is here for reference. It's titled "Jaken = Rin's Dad?" I'm going to try and keep this short, but I'm also making no such promises. After all, I'm not exactly known for my brevity. haha Now let's get crackin'!

Like you, feministmetalgreymon, did for your recent blog here where you took screenshots of mine to address certain parts, I will be doing the same and dissecting yours accordingly.

[Snippet 1]

I worked with kids for many years as a teacher, and many people in my family have too or still do. Two of them happen to be just over 5 feet which is quite short for the average adult woman living here. I've also worked alongside many a women of short stature, and never did I hear any of them complaining of issues with their students having difficulty differentiating them from their own peers just because they were short as well. I'm sorry but that's just ridiculous. Kids are quite smart and pick up on a lot more than you seem to give them credit for. Height is not the only characteristic they look at to determine who's an adult and who's not, and it's foolish to suggest otherwise. So unless you're a babysitter who's still in their teens and/or who has very childlike features or behavior then I'm afraid what you're getting at is total hogwash. This is just another example of how you shippers offer nothing of real substance to your reasoning, it's only ever cherry-picking or strawmanning from you guys. Stop deflecting from the real issues please, because this certainly isn't one and only winds up being a complete waste of time for all parties involved.

[Snippet 2]

Okay, calm down now. I wasn't insinuating that relationships between parents and children can't change over time in terms of how they get along. Of course that's possible, as all families experience their fair share of estrangement and abuse. What I was speaking about was in reference to the overall dynamic between the two. Because a bad mother or father can still be viewed as a parental figure to their child even if say they're not in said child's life anymore. Since Sesshomaru and Rin share a healthy bond- and just a friendly reminder that in my blog I even said that he doesn't have to necessarily be labeled her father but that a romantic relationship later would still be inappropriate- I didn't deem it necessary to address what you brought up. Plus, it kinda, umm, misses the point?? Please, let's stay on topic. And it's not captured in the screenshot, but stop acting like there isn't a small part of them that idolizes their parents at some point during childhood. Just like you mention later on how it's normal for kids to have innocent crushes on adults that they eventually grow out of? Well, guess what, the same concept applies here. Kids eventually learn that their parents are far from perfect and make mistakes too. Rin is so damn young in the OG series though that we never even get to see her reach that maturity level.

[Snippet 3]

LOL! Alright, okay, so the "unbreakable bond" bit you're mentioning was actually me quoting you sessrinners. Did you not catch that? I literally spelled it out. *sigh* The whole point I was making is that shippers like yourself make hypocritical and contradictory statements all.the.goddamn.time. One moment you guys claim that Sesshomaru and Rin were essentially strangers and meant very little to each other, only to say in the same breath a few seconds later that they were destined to be together and their bond is like no other. I agree, their bond is special, but why must that mean they're going to fall in love?

That is the root of the matter here. Too many animes/mangas have romanticized this older adult man & young girl growing up falling in love trope that it's become way too normalized and widely accepted across the world- and yes, in some cultures more than others. Sadly, you lack the awareness to recognize how this all works. You know how we know that? When we see that you shippers are so desensitized to sexualized images of girls in the media that you share posts like this one below which *subtly* imply a future romance although one half of that pairing is still just a child in the pic and then try and pass it off as cute. That's like super fucking problematic and it scares me that you can't see that (or deny you do). 🤢

After all that's said and done, Sesshomaru leaving Rin in the village with Kaede is to me the strongest indicator more than pretty much anything else he's done for Rin that proves he is her adoptive father. It's so funny to me how you somehow see the exact opposite though. 🤔 What I think is happening is that you got yourself on some squeaky clean ass shipper goggles fresh out of your little echo chamber. Because I hate to tell you, but what you're fantasizing is what you want to see and not what's actually there on screen or was written into the story. I'm strictly talking about Inuyasha and the manga of course. [For the TL; DR version skip to the last paragraph.]

Parents looking after their kids is what parents are supposed to do. A good parent will do anything to keep their child safe and ensure they are cared for, so what he did for her by leaving her there was in her best interests clearly. Besides, as a babysitter, you more than most people should understand that parents aren't always able to be there for their kids so sometimes others gotta step in to help. Haven't you heard of the saying, "it takes a village to raise a child?" Which in Rin's case is literally true! 😂 Sometimes kids are even sent off to stay with grandparents and that's who raises them instead. Or maybe they have to temporarily live with an aunt or uncle because their single parent's job requires they work out of town 4-5 days of the week so they're hardly home. But that doesn't mean that the parents care or love their kids any less, and it's foolish to assume that Sesshomaru must have thought very little of Rin simply due to the fact that he made the decision to leave her in the village. Come on, y'all are acting like he abandoned her there!!

It's just given the circumstances Sesshomaru finally came to learn that Rin traveling with him was no longer safe. I also like to think it's because he wished for her to live a more normal life and to learn how to fully trust humans again. Plus, continuing to travel with him as young as she was would have proven dangerous and unwise. Now for you to know all this and still manage to turn his past actions towards her while she was just a child into a romantic gesture is what boggles my mind. Regardless of how you look at it, from my perspective or your own, Sesshomaru is in the wrong. Either he's a father figure who impregnates his daughter at the young age of approximately 14. OR he's this man she used to travel with who maybe isn't a father to her but who nonetheless basically rapes her since kids her age can't consent to sex with an adult. Idk about you but it sounds to me like nobody here wins with either scenario we're given. In other words, you should be just as mad as we are. If only one side didn't choose to forsake their morals they know we both have in common for the sake of a ship. Welp. 🤷‍♀️

I agree, incest is disgusting but that's not the only problem we have with this pairing. A romantic bond forming between Sesshomaru and Rin would also constitute as grooming.

You realize that over the years he visited her in the village that he brought her gifts too and essentially watched her grow up right before his very eyes, right? I mean, I know you do, but I really shouldn't have to explain further why pursuing a romantic/sexual relationship with each other is plain and simple wrong. And before you say it's not because he didn't have any malintent, please understand that considering their history and power dynamic up to then that yes this is still considered grooming even if Rin supposedly "wanted it" or "made the first move." Whether you consider him her father or not, as the adult who took on a role resembling that of a caretaker in her early life- a critical developmental time for a child- Sesshomaru is obligated to turn down any advances by Rin and most definitely should not initiate any himself. As the first close adult figure she's had in her life since her parents died, it's unfathomable to imagine how Sesshomaru could go through with taking advantage of this young girl who was under his care and supervision since they met. To think he could be capable of betraying that trust sickens me to the core.

This. Now THIS is how a parent/guardian or a similar adult caretaker (babysitter, teacher, etc.) talks to a child. And, in turn, this is how some young children talk to adults. You'd be insane and delusional to deny it! We see it in our everyday lives, do we not? From where else do you think our stories draw most of their inspiration? Yes, obviously these fictional universes have aspects of fantasy that don't exist in the real world, but so how then do you suppose we're able to relate to them? The reason for that being is because these stories are written by people for people, so naturally there are going to be real life aspects embedded throughout. Sure, a little escapism doesn't hurt as we don't need to take everything so seriously, but ultimately we all need to recognize that the messages in the stories we tell matter. Most stories possess a combination of both light and dark themes, but when it specifically comes to the latter we gotta be careful with how we tackle this in children's media since kids are far more impressionable.

So if at the center of a story we have two of the main protagonists whose mom is basically their same age and to top it off she knew their dad when she was just a girl and who just so happened to help raise her, wouldn't you say that's beyond fucked up or at the very least so fucking weird? Like why would we think it's even remotely okay for our children to watch this garbage?? Really think about it. Try and be objective for once and think about how it would sound explaining this storyline to an outsider who's never watched IY or HNY. Well, antis have tried this before many times and we always get the same reaction: Ewww!

Like I said earlier, if you wanna ship it then fine, but 1) please stop seeking our approval or trying to change our minds - your ship wish came true didn't it, so why do you need us to validate it? 2) even though it's not canon, respect that we don't support this sequel portraying pedophilia in a positive light. It's harmful af to not only allow but glorify the continuation of sexualized images of young girls everywhere. And I shouldn't have to say this, but just because this trope is popular as you say does not make it right. Lolicon themes in the media have been an issue forever and it needs to stop. Yes, even some people in Japan or "the East" would agree. Shocker!

We're pissed off and rightfully so because Yashahime's TV rating is 14, not to mention it airs at the prime time kids in Japan watch TV after getting home from school. That's Towa and Setsuna's age, true, but if Rin being the mom when she's like only a year older than them (please don't argue w/ me about the math- antis have so far been right every time with it) is straight-up disgusting and not something we should be supporting or endorsing. Rin's a whole ass child!! Please don't start with the "but times were different then so her having kids at 15 is acceptable" argument either, because we've already debunked that and every other single excuse you guys throw at us. Besides, how or why would you expect young viewers to know these historical "facts" anyway, especially if as you suggest fiction doesn't affect reality so what does it matter? Yet here we are, arguing over a fictional show in real life almost a year and a half into the "Sesshomaru fucks?" sequel being announced. My ass, your ass, hell all our asses fiction doesn't affect reality!

Look, I do apologize if the tone of this blog came off as snippy or condescending at times. I do not wish you any ill will, it's just I'm not really sure what you expected to get out of all this besides maybe getting on my nerves perhaps. haha A lot of you shippers have been desperately scrambling to interact with us, lurking in our tags, jumping onto our posts screaming canon and getting so defensive even though you sought us out first. We've been sticking to our tags, so how about you stay in your lane too. By the way since we're on the topic, have you seen Twitter or Reddit?! SR shippers there are the actual worst and many Inuyasha fans (not just antis) have complained of not feeling welcomed to engage in fandom spaces anymore. Shippers swarm them and scare them off simply because fans don't like your ship and refuse to accept it. It's pathetic, really. No one should ever be bullied or harassed just because they don't like something you might. We're all fans of Inuyasha, aren't we? So let's act like it. Yashahime on the other hand, you guys are welcome to that pungent heap of trash. Fans have a right to criticize it too, but if you like it then good for you, so keep on liking it and don't mind us.

I'm almost done, but real quick back to Jaken! Let's not forget about how the official Yashahime website- which came out after my blog, mind you- described Jaken. This translation isn't the best one available but it's the only version a fellow anti friend could track down. They do recall a better one done by a native Japanese speaker who was also an anti, and that member confirmed that Jaken is indeed called Rin's babysitter. So you see, I was right in my interpretation. In the original post I did compare Jaken to a brother, but after talking to others (some comments can be found under said post) I did acknowledge that he's more of a reluctant babysitter who's not related. And if he's not at least a brother to Rin, then he's definitely not her father.

At the end of the day, the creator Rumiko Takahashi has the final word. Which is guess what? Hogosha. 💖 Probably should've just started out with that and saved us all the trouble, huh? Good day/night to you.

Papamaru bids you adieu now. 🤞

[astermacguffin]

Okay. I warn y'all that this is very much a Poast™. This is another one of Those Poasts™. You have been warned.

I very much blame (affectionate) @autisticandroids for this, since this is pretty much me trying to combine as many concepts as possible from the #mpregpocalypse tag.

In this au, Cas is pretty much just collecting babies left and right. The following stuff are all simultaneously true in this spn mpreg rewrite:

- Cas absorbs the deanlisa baby and carries the child himself. This is his first pregnancy. This is also the most "monstrous" of his children because of the godstiel stuff and the leviathans.

- For maximum effect, I don't want Cas to give birth just yet. I want Benny to see Cas with the baby bump and put the dots together in his head. I want Cas to give birth alone, after Dean and Benny already went through the rift. I want Naomi to take Cas out of purgatory and leave his child alone there. I want Cas to grieve for the loss of his child when he remembers. (We'll go back to this in the future.)

- Dean fucks Casifer at one point and impregnates Cas' body. (I mean, with Casifer peeling off his layers and thotting up the place while in the bunker? Not surprising tbh.) NOTE. I wanna be clear with something: this baby is Dean and Lucifer's nephil. I mean, biologically it's a Destiel baby, but with Cas' grace growing weaker and him being possessed by Lucifer, in terms of grace this is pretty much Lucifer's nephil. (But also not??? Because what allowed the conception to happen in the first place is Cas wanting it SO BAD.)

- No one else notices the conception of this baby because Cas hides it within himself (the same way he did with the deanlisa baby) and pauses the pregnancy at will.

- When Cas meets Kelly, they are very much BOTH pregnant with Lucifer's kid. Remember that screenshot where they both look pregnant and bonding about their babies? Yeah, this is inspired by that. When Cas touches Kelly's baby bump and they like soulbond or whatever, Kelly looks at him and goes "oh you're pregnant too?"

- Cas tells him that it's Dean's child, but leaves out the Lucifer part. They already have one Lucifer nephil in danger, he doesn't need anyone else knowing this secret (especially since he hid the nature of this child so well for so long). Kelly thinks he's hiding it because of the Dean part.

- They both know Kelly's not gonna survive giving birth, so they already have a plan: Cas will transfer the pregnancy to himself when it's almost time for Jack to come out (the same way he did with the deanlisa baby). Cas is confident that he'll survive what Kelly cannot. (His hubris, of course, always tend to bite him back.) Dean, Mary, and Sam arrive just in time to see Cas pregnant and about to give birth. Kelly catches them up on the plot.

- Cas dies of childbirth due to an unexpected complication: the pregnancy transfer triggers the birth of the other child inside him, which makes him give birth to TWO children. The strength of the explosion unfortunately kills both him and Kelly, rendering Cas' sacrifice as pointless. (As much as I wanna keep Kelly alive, the point of this au is to inflict as much damage as possible)

- Lucifer and Mary still get stuck in Apocalypse world, and now Dean and Sam have to care for TWO children, one of which is Jack (who still grows quickly) and...another baby? They have no idea who the fuck this baby is until they find two videos: one made by Kelly and one by Cas (a backup plan they made just in case one or both of them don't survive).

- In the video, Cas reveals that the child is his and Dean's nephil (again, removing the Lucifer part). Dean just takes it in stride (since they had enough sex in the later seasons for it to be a genuine possibility) and takes Cas's word.

- In any other scenario, Sam would definitely be teasing Dean for impregnating Cas. But since Cas is dead and they're still grieving, he shelves this conversation for a future time. (With so much plot happening, Sam never finds the right chance and eventually just forgets it. He's just happy that he was right all along.)

- They agree to never let anyone else learn about the baby's nature, which the baby seems to understand as well, choosing to not manifest any angelic abilities. In fact, the baby internalized Cas' instructions to keep all their secrets under wraps that the kid goes selectively mute throughout the series. (I wanna see Eileen teaching ASL to the kid.)

- The two babies scenario works great for two reasons: it satisfies my "give Dean a baby" instinct (that pretty much drives my baby jack truthing) while still keeping Jack the way that he is in canon.

- Dean lets the baby rest on Cas' chest for a short while before wrapping Cas up with the curtains. Both Dean and the baby cry over the body.

- I want to give Jack as many Problems Disorders in this au. I want him to be jealous of the way Dean treats his twin (because they're pretty much twins, right? They have the same grace-father, they got birthed by the same body, so yeah).

- Dean treats the baby with as much care and love while still treating Jack like shit. Sam once calls him out on it and says "Dean, they're both Cas' children." Dean throws out an "I can hardly look at the freak" rant. Jack wakes up Cas from the Empty, yada yada.

More fucked up shit below the cut:

- I wanna keep this as close to canon as I can, so Dean would still exhibit suicidality before Tombstone. You would think that the baby would at least hinder this instinct, but he genuinely believes that he's poison and that everyone he touches dies. (And besides, Sam is good with both Jack and the baby so they won't need me anymore, right?)

- Cas comes back, and things mostly stay the same as in canon (except there's now a baby there, who honestly won't influence much of the plot until later). Dean never really apologized that much to Jack in canon (and I still hate it) but in this au, it would work perfectly. I want Jack to believe that Dean still sees him as a freak, even if he's a bit nicer now that Cas is back. (I can and will put my entire pussy into the Dean-as-John, Jack-as-Sam parallels.)

- When Jack kills Mary, Cas hides it from Dean and Sam. We're going full Torturewife on this one, folks.

- Jack's truth spell forces Cas to confess that (1) Cas hid the fact about Jack's soullessness; (2) Cas lied about Jack killing Mary, and; (3) the Destiel baby is technically a Dean/Lucifer nephil. Chaos fucking ensues.

- Dean has to confront the fact that both of the kids (HIS kids) are Lucifer's spawn.

- Chuck doesn't really care about the baby since it never manifested any powers (yet), unlike Jack (who is a genuine threat to him).

- Moriah happens, Jack dies. (And it's even more fucked up now because despite being soulless, Jack remembers all the insecurities he got from Dean. The "It's okay, I understand" line Jack says to Dean while having a gun pointed to him is sooooooo.) Rupture happens, their divorce is finalized and Cas takes custody of the baby.

- Cas having some father-child bonding with the baby as a breather between all this fucked up stuff.

- The Trap happens, they make up, and oh? Who's this person who helped Cas escape and get the flower? It's the deanlisa baby, but now grown! Together with Emma! She was thankfully found by her big sister, Emma, when she was a baby in purgatory. She had to grow up fast and now they survive together.

- After eating Eve in order to save Cas, the deanlisa child is now technically the new Mother of monsters. Dean explains the Chuck problem, so the two choose to come with them to help.

- Cas never really explained the deanlisa baby, huh? When they get back with their now grown child (and Emma, who doesn't really hold a grudge over the entire Sam killing her thing) and Cas explains, Dean is baffled but takes it in stride. I mean, they just made up! He doesn't wanna fight with him anymore and he wants the family together again!

- They make the two stay with the baby so they'll be safe in the bunker while they try to trap Chuck with the Mark of Cain spell. It fails, of course. (But hey, at least there was sibling bonding time in the bunker.)

- Billie brings back Jack and they formulate a plan (Billie doesn't go evil in this one btw.) They strengthen Jack, Jack knows that he'll be a bomb and is totally fine with it. "Maybe if I do this one good thing, Dean won't see me as a freak anymore." Remember, Jack internalized a lot of the shit Dean said.

- Cas attempts to call out the self-sacrificial bullshit and that Dean actually loves him, but Jack insists. "You would do the same! In fact, you have done the same! (In reference to the Empty deal, which still happens here btw.) I'm just learning from all of you." If there's one thing I'm obsessed about in fics, it's when Jack calls them out for learning martyrdom from team free will.

- Dean finds out about the plan and tries to talk Jack out of it. They have a heart-to-heart, Dean finally fucking apologizes for all the complexes that he's given Jack, and Jack (for the first time) finally believes that Dean doesn't see him as a monster anymore. Jack stops the process so he doesn't become a bomb (but at least he's stronger than he was before).

- They call Billie to come up with an alternative plan. She considers the options, and says an alternative plan would be harder and would require more players in the field. "As long as we don't have to sacrifice any of our loved ones anymore, we're good," Dean says. "I don't think that's an easy request, but we'll try," Billie says, giving a pointed look at Cas. (Hmmmm, wonder how this would come to play later?)

- Billie points out that the destiel baby is in fact not powerless, but is instead choosing to supress their own power. If the child can be convinced to unlock their own capabilities, then perhaps they might stand a better chance at winning.

- They spread out to gather more allies: Sam goes to Rowena, Dean goes to Michael, Billie goes to Gabriel (yes, he's alive here), and the kids stay in the bunker with Cas to try and explore each other's abilities. (Since I hated the Michael-Lucifer nonsense of 15x19, none of that happens here. Lucifer doesn't go back and Michael doesn't betray them.)

- Jack finds out that he can push out all the energy he gathered for the bomb into a one-time-use blast. They find out that the baby can apparently enhance the power of whoever they're holding. And the new Eve apparently has traces of Godstiel/Leviathan still in her after being in the womb with them. (She also spends the time catching up with Cas because they've not seen each other for years.) Emma is just vibing there, adoring her powerful younger siblings and interrogating her father's...husband? Boyfriend? Ex? (She's still confused about their status.)

- This goes just like in S11, and they go all out and attack Chuck together until he's weak enough for Death's scythe. There's one shot where the kids are just holding hands to power each other for Jack to deliver a fatal blow. Billie is just around the corner, ready for the final blow, when Cas turns to Dean.

- "Dean, I need to say something." Cue the 15x18 confession scene, except this time Dean knows about the deal now. So the moment Dean realizes what Cas is doing, he tries to stop him.

- "Stop, please stop. Don't say it, you don't have to say it." Because of course, happiness is in just being, it's in just saying it. And Dean knows what true happiness would do.

- But unfortunately, Cas has to do it. (Billie talked to him about it, and her scythe won't exactly do a clean job with something as powerful as a Chuck-Amara hybrid. I don't know when or why they fused together since the bomb plan was cancelled, but it happened here okay? Yeah. So they need something that is guaranteed to be older and greater than God or the Darkness—the Empty. Billie can only go there, but she can't summon it to be on Earth. Enter Cas' deal.)

- Cas says "I love you," Dean reciprocates, they share a final kiss, and then Billie finally reaps God. The Empty arrives to take Chuck, and Cas shares one final moment with his kids before accepting his fate.

- Billie goes to the Empty to make sure the job was done, and she finally gives the Shadow the sleep that she promised. She uses her scythe on the Shadow, because death is the final slumber. (Of course, you can't exactly kill nothingness; she only destroyed an embodiment/personification of the Empty.)

- Post-fight. They're happy because Chuck is finally defeated but also...Cas. Before they even have the chance to process what the fuck just happened, Billie is back and she has Cas with her. "I just put the Shadow into sleep, so it's not like anyone would notice," she says. The problem is that Cas is still very much asleep. (He still has some grace here btw. Maybe he's not at full angel anymore, but he's not fully human either. There wasn't a need to cut out his grace without warning.)

- Dean and the kids crowd Cas' body. The baby's touch on Cas's shoulder (which burns a mark that parallels Dean's) is what wakes him up. Reunion kiss!

- Happy ending! Michael (with Adam) goes back to heaven to fix things, and they are very much implied to be a couple. Midam rights babyyyyyy! Gabriel goes back to roaming the world and occasionally visits the kids.

- Sam and Eileen organizes a hunter's network and organizes a bunch of safety protocols and rehabilitation projects with the help of the new Eve (which most monsters obey, key word most). Oh, and Saileen definitely swings regularly with Rowena (and occasionally with Gabriel when he's around).

- Emma decides that she likes hanging out with the Wayward Sisters better (and you know what? Good for her). The new Eve decides to hang out there often as well (whenever she isn't busy with monster diplomacy or something).

- When Jack finally feels safe and peaceful enough, he reverts back to his child form. The baby, who has been selectively mute this entire time, holds their brother's face in recognition and utters their first word, which is "JACK!" Dean and Cas cry in joy over this entire exchange. (That's his twin! He missed his twin!)

- They move out of the bunker to get their own house by a lake or something. Whenever the topic of pregnancy comes up again ("Dean, when do you want another baby again?"), they can now playfully joke about it and Dean says something like "Don't steal someone else's baby again, okay? The next baby to be inside you needs to be mine." They're both stupidly horny about the subject, I hate them so much.

- Whenever there's an important event, they all celebrate it in the bunker for the extra space (because their family is, indeed, very large). END.

There's something poetic to me about the Empty being the one that beats Chuck in this mpreg rewrite because technically, the Empty is the Original Womb that gave birth to God. It it the nothingness of potential, the dark water of pregnant beginnings.

All this talk about the Empty and stuff also made me stop and think about the metaphysics of spn. The fact that the Darkness and the Empty are two distinct entities says something interesting about the metaphysical reality of spn. It doesn't treat darkness as a mere absence of light, a mere nothingness, but rather a thing/substance of its own. It's a very Manichean kind of metaphysics as opposed to a Platonic/Neoplatonic one. (Oh, St. Augustine would probably have a blast trying to unravel whatever the fuck is happening with spn.)

The fact that it's also Cas' free will that brought upon God's demise? Delicious.

(If you're still reading, congratulations for finishing my very long spn mpreg rewrite. Why did you do this to yourself tho.)

(also apologies if I didn't give a name to Jack's siblings. I haven't thought of a good name for them just yet)

[dirk-has-rabies]

Gender variance and it's link with neurodivergency

Okay so this is it going to be another long one

All quotes will be sourced with a link to the scientific journal I took it from

Okay Tumblr, let's talk gender (I know, your favorite topic) my preface on why this topic matters to me is: I'm autistic ( diagnosed moderate to severe autism) I'm nonbinary trans ( in a way that most non-autistic people don't understand and actually look down on)  and I went to college for gender study ( Mostly for intersex studies but a lot of my research was around non-binary and trans identities) I will be using the term autism as pants when I have experience with however when ADHD is part of the study I will use ND which stands for neurodivergent and yes this is going to be about xenogenders and neopronouns.

autism can affect gender the same way autism can affect literally every part of an identity. a big thing about having autism is the fact that it completely can change how you view personhood and time and object permanence and gender and literally all types of socially constructed ideas. let me also say hear that just because Society creates and enforces an idea does it mean that it doesn't exist to all people it just me that there is no nature law saying that it's real and the “rules” for these ideas can change and delete and create as time and Society evolves and changes.  gender is one of those constructs.

Now I'll take it by you reading this you know what transgender people are  (if you don't understand what a trans person is send me an ask and I'll type you up a pretty little essay lmao,  or Google it but that's a scary thought sense literally any Source or website can come up on Google including biased websites so be careful I guess LOL) anyway to be super basic trans people are anyone who doesn't identify as the gender they were assigned at Birth (yes that includes non-binary people I could do a whole nother essay about that shit how y'all keep spreading trying to separate non-binary people from the trans umbrella)  some people don't like to use the label and that is totally fine by the way.

now autistic people to view the world in a way differently than allistic (neurotypical) ppl do.  we don't take everything people teach us at 100% fact and we tend to question everything and demand proof and evidence for things before we can set it as a fact in our brains. This leads to why a lot of autistic people are atheist (although a lot of religions and this is not bashing on religious people at all I am actually a Jewish convert)  this questioning leads to a lot of social constructs being ignored or not understood At All by a lot of autistic people and personally I think that's a good thing.  allistics take everything their parents and teachers and schools teach them as fact until someone else says something and then they pick which ones to believe. autistic people study and research and learn about a topic before forming an opinion and while this may lead to them studying and believing very biased material and spitting it out as fact it can also lead them to try and Discover it is real by themselves.

because of this autistic people are more question their gender or not fall in a binary way at all as the concept of gender makes no sense to a lot of us. “ if gender is a construct then autistic people who are less aware of social norms are less likely to develop a typical gender identity”

no really look: “ children and teens with autism spectrum disorder ASD or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder ADHD  are much more likely to express a wish to be the opposite sex compared with their typical developing peers” That was posted in 2014. we have been saying this stuff forever but no one wants to listen. the thing is gender variance (being not cisgender or at least questioning it)  has always been closely hand-in-hand with autistic and ADHD people I'm even the doctor who did that study understood right away that it all made sense the whole time: “ Dr. Strang said they were initially surprised to find an overrepresentation of gender variance among children with ADHD. However, they later realized that prior studies have shown increased levels of disruptive behavior and other behavioral problems among young people with gender variance”  SEE YOURE NOT WEIRD YOURE JUST YOU AND YOURE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!

5% autistic people who did the study were trans or questioning. it was also equal between the Sexes fun fact. that may not seem like a lot till you realize that the national average is only .7% that's literally over 700% higher than the national average. That's so many! and that's just in America.

 in Holland there was a study in 2010 “ nearly 8% of the more than 200 Children and adolescents referred to a clinic for gender dysphoria also came up positive on a assessment for ASD” they weren't even testing for ADHD so the numbers could be even higher!

now I want to talk about a  certain section of the trans umbrella that a lot of autistic people fall under called the non-binary umbrella. non-binary means anything that isn't just male or just female. it is not one third gender and non-binary doesn't mean that you don't have a gender. just clearing that up since cis people keep spreading that. non-binary is an umbrella term for any of the infinite genders you could use or create. now this is where I'm going to lose a bunch of you and that's okay because you don't have to understand our brains or emotions To respect us as real people. not many allistics can understand how we see and think and relate to things and that's okay you don't have to understand everything but just reading about this could be so much closer to respecting us for Who We Are from you've ever been and that's better than being against us just for existing.

now you might have heard of my Mutual Lars who was harassed  by transmeds for using the term Autigender (I was going to link them but if it gets traction I don't want them to get any hate)  since a lot of people roll their eyes at that  and treated them disgustingly for using a term that 100% applied correctly.  Autigender  is described as " a neurogender which can only be understood in the context of being autistic or when one's autism greatly affects one's gender or how one experiences gender. Autigender is not autism as a gender, but rather is a gender that is so heavily influenced by autism that one's autism and one's experience of gender cannot be unlinked.” Now tell me that doesn't sound a lot like this entire essay I've been working on with full sources…..

xenogenders and neopronouns are a big argument point on whether or not people “believe” in non binary genders but a big part of those genders is that they originated from ND communities and are ways that we can try to describe what gender means us in a way that cis or even allistic trans people just can't comprehend or ever understand. Same with MOGAI genders or sexualities. A lot of these are created as a way to somehow describe an indescribable relationship with gender that is so personal you really cant explain it to anyone who isnt literally the same as you.

Even in studies done with trans autistic people a large amount of them dont even fall on a yes or no of having a gender at all and fall in some weird inbetween where you KINDA have a gender but its not a gender in the sense that others say it is but its also too much of a gender so say youre agender. And this is the kind of stuff that confuses allistic trans people and makes them think nonbinary genders are making stuff up for attention, which isnt true at all we just cant explain what it feels like to BE a trans autistic person to anyone who doesnt ALREADY know how it feels.

In this study out of the ppl questioned almost HALF of the autistic trans individuals had a “Sense of identity revolving around interests” meaning their gender and identity was more based off what they liked rather than boy or girl. That makes ppl with stuff like vampgender or pupgender make a lot more sense now doesnt it? We see that even in the study: “My sense of identity is fluid, just as my sense of gender is fluid […] The only constant identity that runs through my life as a thread is ‘dancer.’ This is more important to me than gender, name or any other identifying features… even more important than mother. I wouldn't admit that in the NT world as when I have, I have been corrected (after all Mother is supposed to be my primary identification, right?!) but I feel that I can admit that here. (Taylor)” and an agreement from another saying “Mine is Artist. Thank you, Taylor. (Jessie)” now dont you think if they grew up with terms like artistgender or dancergender they would just YOINK those up right away????

In fact “An absence of a sense of gender or being unsure of how their gender should “feel” was another common report” because as ive said before in this post AUTISTIC PEOPLE DONT SEE GENDER THE WAY ALLISTIC PEOPLE SEE IT. therefore we wont use the same terms or have the same identities nor could we explain it to anyone who doesnt already understand or question the same way! Participants even offered up quotes such as “As a child and even now, I don't ‘feel’ like a gender, I feel like myself and for the most part I am constantly trying to figure out what that means for me (Betty)” and also “I don't feel like a particular gender I'm not even sure what a gender should feel like (Helen)”

Now i know this isnt going to change everyones minds on this stuff but i can only hope that it at least helped people feel like theyre not broken and not alone in their feelings about this. You dont have to follow allistic rules. You dont have to stop searching inside for who you really wanna be. And you dont have to pick or choose terms forever because just as you grow and evolve so may your terms. Its okay to not know what or who you are and its okay to identify as nonhuman things or as your interests because what you love and what you do is a big part of who you are and shapes you everyday. Its not a bad thing! Just please everyone, treat ppl with respect and if you dont understand something that doesnt make it bad or wrong it just means its not for you. And thats okay.

[wannaliveattheholidayinn]

Ok, But Seriously, I Have Thoughts

I have... really mixed feelings about this episode, so I'm gonna talk about those feelings. And if my feelings about zep as a show and this season come out during that... so be it. (Seriously, this got long. I'd apologize, but I'm not sorry). Also spoilers for the new ep below the cut, but y'all should've been able to guess that

- I... Zimon seriously deserves just so much better. We saw them as a couple together for three episodes, and they honestly weren't explored enough. Zimon... and this is a very personal opinion, but they really do strike me as a couple who never fully leave the honeymoon phase... like ever. Like, of course, they'll fight and disagree on a lot of things, but they also can have adult children, and just kind of act like newlyweds even if they've been married for over twenty years. And again, I know that's a very personal opinion, but I mean... we all knew c/arkeman was gonna be endgame, and it just feels like zimon was never given an actual chance.

- However, I do very much appreciate that their breakup was not messy, there's still clearly a ton of respect for the other on both of their sides, and that Simon is okay.

- "We didn't belong together." No, you fucking did.

- I am not going to stop writing Zimon fanfic either. In fact, this might spur me to write more and work harder on writing Zimon fanfic.

- Rose. Fucking. Deserves. Better. I'm not even gonna elaborate on this one. We all know it.

- Despite the fact that I fucking hate c/arkeman and that it was very, very rushed... I'm giving acting and singing props to Jane. I Melt With You is a song that's extremely personal to me. It helped get me through a point in my life where... I was constantly feeling at war with others, myself, and even felt unsafe in my own home (something I still feel today, no matter how irrational I know it is). I just generally feel a strong connection to every version of the song bc of that, whether it's the original or the Bowling for Soup cover (that was in Sky High!), and... Jane just has a way of making me feel safe when she sings. So, I really, really loved her cover.

- Um... yeah, I'm gonna be real, I don't like the idea of Max having powers. I don't know, I just think it kinda changes the whole original concept of the show, and I'm not a big fan of that...

- Simon! Simon working on changing SPRQ Point!!!!

- I do not really like how they handled Simon's racial bias/systemic racism in coding storyline *after* episode six (aka it only really being mentioned in passing, not being further explored, etc.), but,,, credits due where it's due I guess? I like how they handled him going to Danny Michael Davis, and how DMD listened.

- Sidenote, I kinda find it weird we as a fandom don't refer to him as Danny... it's Danny Michael Davis, DMD, or fucking Willy Wonka jokes. Makes sense I guess.

- Um... the writing was just... so lazy. Yeah. It's... really sad, I think that the show would've benefitted from even one less ep. But on the other hand... lazy writing is lazy writing.

- I think it would've been better - honestly - if Zoey's feelings of loss hadn't been connected to Max in a romantic way, but in a platonic/familial way. We didn't see a ton of their friendship, and yeah,, I hate Max, but there are a few moments there where you can see a legitimate friendship that's really sweet. I also think if they had maybe explored Zoey's fear of losing Simon as well as Max and centered the finale more on Zoey telling Simon about her power, it would've just been a lot better.

- But... honestly, after I just aired out all my issues with this episode (and the season too kinda),,, I honestly liked it. I hate that Zimon broke up and I just generally hate cl*arkeman but... this ep had some really great moments. Zoey and Mitch were beautiful to see again. Mctobin, Davidemily, and Mo x Perry were all absolutely my favorite parts of the episode. Hell, I'll even admit I... well I don't wanna say laughed considering I was so close to crying, but I let out a weird, breathy noise resembling a laugh when Zoey just blurted out she and Simon had broken up.

I don't want to say it was a bad episode, because I did honestly, enjoy ~parts~ of it... but... it wasn't even that cl/arkeman happened, I knew it would, but how it did... it just honestly (my g.od i need to stop writing that word) seemed like they were trying to kill off or like... fucking quash *any* hope Zimon shippers may have had,,, and the writing was just so fucking lazy, I just...

I started the show after dance one night because my teacher showed us the Help! number bc he was an extra in it. And I had already been intrigued by the few ads I had seen for it. So, my mom and I watched it, and we loved it. So we kept watching. And it was good! It was really good! Sure it could be cheesy, but... that didn't matter. I latched on...

I don't know if, ZEP is gonna get renewed, and if it is, I don't know if I'll watch it if/when it does. I latch on to shows really fucking hard when I do latch on. It's why I keep rewatching The Good Place and why I'll never forgive Freeform/Disney/Marvel for canceling Cloak and Dagger. The way I latch onto things is probably a bit unhealthy. And the fact of the matter is, despite everything, my overwhelming feelings about ZEP are positive. And I latched on. I'd honestly do it all over again.

I have a lot of feelings about this fandom and this show, both positive and negative. Still, I love it. Unconditionally. Ultimately, I don't care if Zoey ends up with Max or Simon (though, seriously, she and Simon are made for each other). It's a good fucking show, ships shouldn't be everything that matters.

I began lurking in this fandom when I was fifteen. I began posting fanfic for it when I was sixteen. I'm almost seventeen now. I was planning to get Tumblr when I was seventeen. I also knew I wouldn't forgive myself if I hadn't made my presence here known if it didn't get renewed.

I want to thank @simon-haynes because, uh, holy fuck, I adore you. Running a blog for fandom is something I couldn't even fathom, especially when a large portion of the fandom doesn't like your ship. I legitimately can't believe you followed me.

Thank you to @jennakang. You are, honestly, one of the best writers I've ever read from. You were so incredibly supportive of my writing on ao3, despite the fact you didn't know who I was, and that really meant the world to me. Thank you so much for your contributions to the fandom. Also, uh, fun fact, I was the anon who, after you expressed the want to write the quarantined Zimon fic, sent in that ask that was like "please do!" and also "hope I'm not being pushy about this". I don't know if you remember that at all, but your response meant the world to me.

And uh, lastly @myheartissetinmotion. Um, wow. I know we barely know each other, but I can honestly say, you have been my anchor for this whole show. I love both your Tori content on TikTok as well as just zep content you do on there, and how you wrote her into zep on ao3. I personally like to think of you as the pioneer of Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist Tok. You were pretty unbiased when it came to ships on there, and that made me feel safe in a place where there were virtually no zimon shippers. Your content was funny, and I always found myself laughing or screaming "accurate" at it. I know, I'm the nuisance who every few months DMs you about something zep related, but I hope you know, you made me feel both seen and somewhat appreciated in this fandom. I cannot thank you enough, Isabella 💗

I know Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist may not be ending. But this still oddly feels like the end of an era. I'm not leaving the fandom, I plan to keep posting fanfic for it and everything. I just want everyone who may be reading this to know I love this fandom and I would not take any moment here back.

Also, this is me formally asking for a link to a Discord group chat since I know it exists but I'm too scared to actually ask any of you for it directly.

[lunagalemaster]

tagged by @theartisticintrovert (Thank you friendo~) 

1. Ultimate OTP: Don’t make me choose UHH. Currently Jonmartin? I say currently, but I just, can’t get over them. My sideblog is half spooky, half jonmartin. I’m OBSESSED. THEY ARE IN LOVE- 

2. A ship you’ll always love: Puzzleshipping (Yami Yugi/ Yugi). Every time I think I’m over it, I see some art or some sweet moments and lose my shit again. Everlasting Trio is also one! Just (clenches fist) good trio.  OH. Green/Red. Games. I’ve gotten too attached to the many fics where Green goes and helps Red off the mountain. Enemies to lovers. It Has It All. 

4. A ship you never thought you’d like: Jou/Yugi and Ryou/Yugi. The first I talked myself into because of thematic reasons. The second, @theartisticintrovert convinced me how cute they were and the chaos/shenanigans they’d bring. 

5. A ship you liked but don’t anymore: Pitch Pearl. I.. not gonna elaborate, but it was a high school ship, but as I got older, I got really uncomfortable with it. I have found memories of the fics and the concepts, but.... idk my dudes. 

6. A ship you think should be canon: See, I’m this is where it gets weird because I’m not one to naturally inclined to ship things and I could get into a whole thing about ships being canon versus inclination in the story. Plus a lot of the shows I watch feature children or teenagers, so like, I’m not inclined to ship them. And the adult shows I like usually don’t have ship I hate. 

I don’t have one. But gonna say FinnPoe. Idk anything about them, but fuck you Disney. 

7. A canon ship you hate: Not counting the pedophilia or incest ships because that’s a given- Dash/Danny Sorry y'all I just can’t. I get it. Redeem the bully. Get them together. I just... Can Not. Not in a way that leaves them shipped together. 

Edit: read this wrong. Entirely. I just read this as "ship you hate"

Canon ship I hate. Uhhh. Not sure. I dont know it too well but Lance/Allura, but that's more because Voltron's bad writing in general and how that is just one awful thing after another.

8. A ship you’ve shipped for years: Once again, I could say Puzzleshipping, but I’m gonna go with Ash/Misty! They’re the bickering couple that actually adore each other that over the years, I can’t help but come back to. I’ve liked them as a kid, and even today I’m <3 

9. A ship everyone loves but you don’t care about: (cough) Dash/Danny. (cough) Actually, Valerie/Danny. That’s more because of a fandom thing to be fair. The way they’re written most of the time, their relationship is too easily resolved when they both have a lot of emotional baggage between them. And at the end of the day, I’d rather them be friends that have resolved their issues, but not end in romance. 

10. Favorite rare-pair: Rare-pairs.. rare-pairs. I like most Danny/Other Property things. Idk that boi is very shippable. Agnes/Gertrude is always real good. 

tagging @chintastic, @maebmad, @xycuro-illuminati!! Have fun! 

[jising-jisang-jisung]

Truth or Dare | Kim Seungmin

Genre: fluff

Word count: 1.9k

A/n: hi I did this instead of everything else I was supposed to do and I think it's really cute and I love Seungmin and I hope you like it

"Cmon y/n, when will you confess to Seungmin?" Your friend, Kate taunted you again. She has been on your case ever since you filled her in on your little crush. She only knows that you've liked him since freshman year, but really it's been since like 7th grade. "It's senior year, what's the worst that could happen if you confess? You move away in a few months and never have to experience the awkwardness of seeing each other everyday? How awful." You don't laugh at her joke, so Kate takes that as a sign that it's time to change the subject. "Well, yknow how my birthday is in like 2 weeks. My mom is letting me have a party with my friends and she won't even have to be there to supervise. Since I'll be an adult and all!" She emphasizes adult as if being 18 suddenly makes her mature.

"Sounds great, Kate," you rhyme. You're hardly paying attention because something, or rather someone, caught your attention. "I'll see you after class," and then you're off to math while Kate had biology. She definitely noticed how hard you were staring at Seungmin while she was talking with you. Of course, you know nothing of what's to come.

~

"Hey! Felix!"

"What's up, Kate?" Felix was friends with Seungmin and some other boys. He also tended to be seen with Kate. Most people just assumed they were dating, and maybe they were, not even they know for sure.

"I'm having a birthday party next weekend and you and your friends are invited! Especially Seungmin." She adds a wink with the last statement.

"Will Miss y/n be there?"

"Of course. Why do you think I'm specifying for Seungmin?"

"It's so painfully obvious that he likes her so why can't he make a move already?!"

"Y/n is no different," Kate admits. "That's why I have a plan."

~

"H-hey y/n, " Seungmin stutters as he sits in his seat next to you.

"Oh, hi," you manage to reply, blush evident throughout your face.

"Um, did you get number 27 on the homework? I was super confused."

"Yeah, the equation for that one is different than the others because..." you explained the concept to Seungmin while he stared at your face unbeknownst to you. "Does that make sense?"

"Yes. I get it now!" He smiles and you actually die. You caught a glance at his homework to see number 27 done correctly but you were to affected by his smile to put two and two together.

~

All the days seemed to be same, passing by until it was finally Kate's birthday party. Obviously you went super early to help her set up. There was no alcohol allowed since her mom said she would let her throw it all by herself under that one condition, not that Kate would ever underage drink anyway we are good children here.

Kate left to answer the door as you pulled some cookies out of the oven. "Kate! Happy birthday!" You heard Felix's voice ring through the entryway. You weren't surprised she invited him, but then you heard more voices.

"Your house looks really nice."

"Happy birthday, Kate."

"Where should I put this gift?" Your eyes widened. You could recognize that voice anywhere.

"Kate! Can you come here for a moment?" You shouted for her.

"What's up, buttercup? Are the cookies okay?"

"I can't believe you invited Seungmin. Bro, I thought we were cool." You overreacted.

"Chill, y/n, all his friends are here, along with our friends. There's so many people, don't even worry about it." She tries to reassure you.

"Well... do I at least look okay?" You ask shyly.

"Look fine to me." You jump at the boy's voice. "But I suppose I'm not the one you want to look good for."

"Jisung, you scared the crap out of me," Kate smiles as you nearly died of embarrassment. Had he heard your whole conversation?

"No. Only the last part." He answers. It's only then that you realize you asked that out loud. You face palmed with bright red cheeks as more boys filed into the kitchen.

~

"Now that everyone is here, let's get this party started!" Kate announces as she turns on some speakers and blasts some upbeat music. She and Felix dance on the coffee table while everyone else is jumping around on the couches and dancing on the floor. The mess of people was starting to become overwhelming when you felt someone push you from behind. Unluckily, you fell directly into Seungmin's arms.

"Wow. Falling for me this early in the night. I hate to say I'm not surprised, y/n," Seungmin says in a low tone. "I'm just kidding," he quickly adds when he sees your eyes bulging out of your head.

"Oh, yeah. Right! Haha! So sorry I fell into you. There are so many people."

"Since I have you here, wanna dance?" He smiles again. How could anyone say no to his perfect smile?

"I'm sorry what was that?" He looks confused, like a puppy.

"I said yes!" You lie trying to cover up your thoughts that you must've spoken out loud, again. You and Seungmin begin to jump around, laughing. Kate gives you a knowing look which you return with a glare. Little did you know Felix and Seungmin were in the same boat.

~

"What else do you have planned?" Felix asks sounding very rehearsed.

"Hmm. Why don't we play truth or dare?!" Kate suggests. That was not on the schedule you had for the night's events. You knew something bad was going to happen when Kate smiled your way.

Everyone sat criss cross applesauce in a circle and Jisung volunteered to start. "Minho, truth or dare?"

"Dare." The boy responds with a brave look in his eye.

"I dare you to," he pauses, thinking of something good, "do a sexy dance for everyone."

"Pff. Okay." Minho continues to grind on the ground, not minding the looks he's getting at all. In fact, Jisung had to stop him, because it was getting too out of hand too quickly.

"I didn't dare you to strip, MinHOE!"

"Whatever, you know you liked it," he teased back. "Hmm let's see. Kate, truth or dare?"

"Uh, I'll pick truth."

"Do you like Felix?"

She furrows her eyebrows together, looking confused. "Felix and I are dating. So, to clarify, yes I like him very much." Everyone is so lost as to how they hadn't known that the two were official. I mean, y'all obviously could see that they liked each other duh. "Felix, truth or dare?"

"Dare." He adds a wink to Kate.

"I dare you to kiss me." The crowd shouts a bunch of ews and grosses as Felix briefly pecks Kate's lips.

He turns to Seungmin with a devilish look. "Seungmin, truth or dare?"

He must not have been paying attention yeah cuz he was admiring you face again whore because he is completely oblivious to the grin on Felix's face right now. "Why not? Dare."

"I dare you to kiss y/n" Felix sticks his tongue out at Seungmin as everyone turns to look at you. You tried so hard to keep your face from looking like a tomato but you knew it was no use. Seungmin gulped as he stared at you.

"I- I can't." His words made you frown without thinking. "Y/n, should have a say in this too. I can't just kiss her without her consent," he elaborates.

"Fine then," Felix speaks again. "I dare you to go up to Kate's room alone with y/n. Anything you two might do in there is all up to both of your consents." Felix smirks at you and then back to Seungmin. You both kept eye contact as you stood to head to your friend's bedroom. There were lots of hoots and hollers following you two as you made your way up the stairs with faces painted with crimson shades.

~

You both sat on Kate's bed. You face was on fire even more now because he was so close. When I mean close,, like your legs were nearly /touching/. And you can't handle being so /close/ to your big phat crush. However, the feeling seemed somewhat mutual for Seungmin.

"Do you like me?" You squeaked out. It was completely random and Seungmin even flinched slightly at the sound of your voice.

"..." the boy stayed silent and you refused to meet his gaze.

"ohmygosh that was so rude of me to just ask. I'm sorry. Just forget I said anything." You began to get up to walk away when he grabbed your wrist.

"Do you- like me?"

"..." it was your turn to mimick the silence you'd not heard moments earlier.

"Did we both not say anything for the same reason?" You opened your mouth to respond when the door opened, revealing Jeongin.

"I was told to come make sure you two weren't doing anything," he narrows his eyes on Seungmin, "gross." You both sat there like deer in head lights. Jeongin looked at your hand and then back at Seungmin. You hadn't noticed that Seungmin's and your pinkies had been laced until Jeongin's judgy stare pointed it out. "Also, you are both welcome to rejoin the party." The younger boy smiled and walked back down the stairs without a care in the world.

~

"Wow look who's back," Jisung announced. "You two didn't have too much fun did you?"

"Don't be icky!" Jeongin defended you. "They weren't even talking to one another when I walked in. But- they were basically holding hands!"

"Not true! He's lying!" Seungmin shouts back. You laugh, looking down to see that you, in fact still had your pinkies intertwined. You broke away and returned to your seat to continue the game.

"Anyway, it's my turn," Hyunjin claims. "Seungmin, truth or dare?"

"Me already again?" He looks a bit freaked out before taking a breath and choosing, "truth."

"Wrong choice, buddy. Do you like y/n?"

He makes deliberate eye contact with you as he answers the question. "Yes. Y/n, pick truth."

"Truth." Everything was happening so quick, you didn't have time to react to what Seungmin was even saying before you responded.

"Do I have your consent this time?" It took a moment for you to figure out what he meant. When you put together that he was asking if he could kiss you, you shook your head quickly. He wasted no time before softly pressing his lips to yours. They were sweet like honey and warm and soft and you thought you could get lost in the moment forever. That is, until he pulled away. It was much to soon for your liking, until you remembered where you were. You both looked around to see everyone's jaws dropped in shock. You timidly smiled and your friends began to cheer. They were soon followed by Seungmin's friends screaming, Jeongin in particular.

Needless to say, you remember very little of what happened after that moment at the party. All you do know is that your friends set you up and Seungmin's friends set him up and now you two are in love. Senior year sure was going to be interesting.

[pandawritesmanythings]

Old v. New (Killer Circus//Original Story)

Summary: How the Killer Circus story came to be and turned into what I'm trying to write now.

Word Count: 1188

A/N: I know this is not a fic, but until I can get my writing juices flowing, this is what I can do. I'm sorry 😭😥

My original idea, or concept was quite different from the story it now is. Both deal with escaping a situation that has you trapped or hasn't allowed you to do the things you wish for, and also readjusting to life to pursue your dreams once you leave that situation. 

However, the initial concept was; if you compare it to what the Killer Circus story is today, way more bloody, gritty and violent.

Here's how I would briefly summarize the initial concept:

A group of children is chosen. The reason for their choosing seems honorable. Afterall, they have had to train since the moment they could walk for this. Now, every year, a seven year old is chosen to join the KC. A colorful group of people who walk the streets in parades through cities, bringing joy to the inhabitants of the place.

However, a dark truth is hidden from the parents. A truth that the children are led to believe that it is okay for them to do. Afterall, they've trained since they can walk for this. They are assasins.

The story was supposed to showcase the dangers of leading a child to believe that killing people at such an early age is brutal for their mental state. However, I initially wrote the concept in a dark time of my life, so after finding help with my own issues I decided I didn't like the concept anymore.

I loved the characters though. And that was because I designed Princeps, the main character, based on me and Paraclitus, her right hand gal, on my sister. It was basically us in colorful costumes. Nothing too spectacular. 

The name Princeps is just a translation of the word Leader to Latin. It seemed fitting since in the original concept, she was supposed to be the oldest and the one who led the other assassin kids.

However, as I kept looking for a more fitting concept, I came to the realization of, "Hey! They look like they belong in a circus!" 

So there's where the concept began to shift.

Then I asked myself. "Why would they put kids in a circus?"

And I answered that question. Of course, I'm not going to reveal why because that's an important plot point.

Then, "Which specific kids get to be in there?" Or "Why those kids?" And I answered that question.

"Who leads the place?" "How do they get fed?" "It's a circus so do they have animals?" "Who watches over them? Wouldn't they need someone to supervise them?" "How do they convince them not to leave?" "Do they get educated, if so, how? And what do they learn? Is there anything they can't read or learn?" "Could they breakout if they wanted? How?" "What psychological repercussions would this have on them?"

And then it hit me.

This book could be about anything I wanted. And psychology, and mental health was do important to me at the moment that I decided:

I wanna make a book that accurately portrays anxiety, depression and othe mental illnesses. I wanna have introverts and extroverts interacting. What it's like to deal with something like bulimia or anorexia. What happens when you suffer traumatic events, and how to recover from them. I wanted to give a voice to those who had suffered through any of those things. Even if I never had been through any of those myself.

But I had one problem. I needed a catalyst.

A person sometimes won't be able to escape a bad situation unless someone wakes them up to their reality. 

Once I came to that conclusion I stumbled upon some drawings and a piece of writing that I did just after arriving to The States. It dealt with human experimentation, mixing animal DNA with a human.

And then I knew that this could perfectly fit with my idea.

There already is a huge facility, dressed up as a circus, doing something to a bunch of kids and young adults. Why would there be another one that experimented on another way with them.

This is not a big spoiler, so I can safely say it.

The Orphanage, the experimentation facility, is experimenting with kids to make more efficient soldiers. Imagine a Captain America situation, but darker. They are trying to enhance soldiers. But of course, they can't just use their loyal soldiers, in case something goes wrong. So what do they use? 

The term, orphanage, may hint you on who they use.

Most of them don't surpass the age of 18. And the thing is that, after they turn 18, they are sent away. They are adults, so the doctor and scientists can't risk a rebellion of capable and enhanced adults.

Their mistake? Kids are actually pretty darn smart. So through lots of planning one of them escapes The Orphanage and after walking for a couple of days, with a team hot on his heels, he finds a weird oak that is growing twisted in a fence. It looks really weird, but somehow it still is alive. He climbs it to hide from the team, and accidentally falls on the other side of the fence. 

He is surprised that even though it seemed like outside the fence was bordering nothing, he now sees a bunch of buildings. He heads for the bigger structure and some of the kids in The Facility find him. They lock him in a room and bring Princeps to him. 

The rest of the story? 

He tells them that there is more world out there, that he is seeking it, and they should too. He stays for a bit and helps them uncover some of the reasons as to why The Facility exists and why should they get out, and once he leaves Princeps finds the strength to say, let's get outta here.

Once they are out, however, life smacks them in the face. And all by herself, she finds herself in The Orphanage, her cell right in front where the boy who had escaped is. He got captured and he seemed to have been severely beaten.

After discovering more about the place where they were, she and her new friends find a way to bust out and this time, make it to society, with the help of a doctor who knew that what she was doing was wrong, but had no way out.

Once out, the seek asylum in a hospital until they can figure out how to deal with the world, and how to adjust to a society that hates them for very complicated reasons.

Oof, I just told the whole story. It sounds interesting in paper, but I really wanna dive into the nuances as to why all of this happened. Something that, I can't really tell you guys 'cuz it would fall into spoiler territory.

This is the spine of the story, but everything else are things that I can only show y'all when I finish my story.

What are your thoughts on this original story? Please let me know! Do you think the original idea was better? Or do you like more where this one is going?

[pleinedelavie]

a thought exercise (of sorts)

I think a lot of y'all can probably relate to a feeling of discomfort with the popular/Christian model of the afterlife in which people who live in a certain, very specific way are going to go to heaven and all others will end up in hell. The popularity of The Good Place, which interrogates and criticizes this concept, is a testament to this. So let's run with that. (This is a long post and frankly also a bit of a rant but I promise I have a point, please bear with me.)

At least for Americans, we live in a society that buys into this idea pretty wholesale. Almost everyone probably knows some people who are pretty religious, or at least has encountered someone telling them that eventually their sinful life will catch up with them, and they will be in hell. "Go to hell" (and variations thereupon) is a common phrase in our society and the concept shows up fairly often in popular media.

And I think most of us agree that while many of these examples are surface-level harmless, being endlessly confronted by the belief that you are doomed to some horrific end, that the ultimate culmination of existence is this idea that you find horrific, is pretty shitty.

So we start to push away from this idea, at least in our minds. Some of us might try to reinterpret these concepts, mentally redefine how this afterlife works in order to make it line up better with what we're comfortable with. Of course there are lots of other religions and philosophies with different interpretations of the afterlife that give alternative possibilities for what the point of our lives is.

And of course there's the other side, the final belief: maybe there is nothing after this. Some people find a certain comfort or at least logic in the lack of some final reward or punishment for earthly behavior. They don't need that promise of ‘life everlasting’ in order to find life fulfilling, because there's a lot to live for on this earth.

My belief, at least, is that there's nothing wrong with any of this, and if you don't agree you may want to stop reading because you probably won’t connect super well to the point of this post. (Yes, there’s a point, remember? Eventually.)

As mentioned before, the hyperchristianity of American society and culture (at least, I can’t speak to other places) means that anyone trying to stand apart in this matter experiences a lot of pushback, some subtle and some not. There's a view that those who try to reinterpret Christian ideals are doing it wrong, fundamentally violating the faith in an unacceptable fashion. And of course xenophobia is rampant, and those who believe in other religions or none at all are seen as somehow less moral-- and thus, implicitly, less human.

And on the other side... I imagine even those who have made some peace with the idea of no afterlife find the concept of that final end, of simply ceasing to exist, a little scary; personally I think it's terrifying, and I would guess based on  the concept of existential crises that this feeling is pretty common. Especially from a cultural context that's incredibly individualistic, probably because of the values from the same Christian obsession that brings us hell, there's a huge subconscious urge to fear that if we truly are gone when we are dead, that nothing we did had meaning in the first place.

Nevertheless, we believe what we believe, and while we can explore different paths I think that we don't really have a choice in what finally makes sense to us. So we walk that razor edge between the rather oppressive-sounding end society claims we are destined for, and the hysterical alternative it presents to make that end seem like the better option.

Now, maybe I'm just stretching out on a limb here, maybe I have been this entire time, but in my opinion, that description doesn't sound too different from the experience of being aromantic in modern society. To review:

We live in a culture that aggressively promotes something as a fundamental purpose of the human experience that we find repulsive or at least not especially attractive: romance

This concept shows up everywhere, almost ubiquitously present in music and fiction, seeping into language and pretty much omnipresent in public consciousness. We're often presented with the idea that even those who dislike or avoid romantic love are eventually doomed to it, with imagery like cupid literally shooting people with arrows actually considered charming (???), or the tradition of kissing under mistletoe getting brought up whenever two people who look like they might be a ‘good couple’ are vaguely near any hanging plant at a christmas party, or the trope of the aggressive matchmaker friends

The relentless push of this, the insistence that we *will* end up in a romantic relationship or at least experience simply as a result of being human, really sucks for aromantic people. It's upsetting for us to be confronted with it constantly with essentially no warning when we're just out here trying to have a good time. We feel attacked. (I'm using old meme language because this post is depressing to write and I needed to lighten up a little for my own sake, but I'm also 100% serious, it really does feel like an attack sometimes.)

We try to find our own way to be happy, some exploring romantic relationships despite not feeling attraction, or trying to seek fulfillment through different types of relationships such as QPRs, close friendships, family etc.

Some people aren’t looking for that sort of life-defining relationship; they genuinely feel fulfilled by other aspects of life.

(All of these approaches are okay and if you don’t agree kindly fuck off.)

We get a FUCKTON of pushback for this. Aros who come out to their romantic partners are often automatically dumped because they’re perceived as unable to hold up their end of the relationship; even if they genuinely love their SO, they're by default perceived to be 'doing it wrong'. This is especially relevant when the aros has certain boundaries because of their identity (or if they happen to also be ace, though that’s not necessary for this to happen), which to a lot of people makes their relationships fundamentally inferior to a relationship between non aromantic people.

The fucking insistence that *love makes us human uwu* means that those who choose not to participate in romance, or in any sort of life-encompassing interpersonal relationship, are seen as somehow less capable of being fully fulfilled or even just... Less human. If you don’t think this is true I want you to take a good hard look at how many aro/aro-coded characters in media are robots, aliens, villains, young children, or other groups not treated as fully human by the narrative. (I’m reblogging with links to articles about this because that’s apparently the only way to get tumblr to let it show up in the tag. There’s also an interesting movement called voidpunk which i think originated in the aro community that afaik is a response to this dehumanization)

This pervasive cultural drive toward romance also manifests as a sort of... I want to say internalized arophobia, let me know if that's appropriative since it is based off terms used by other groups. I, and probably a lot of other aros regardless of how genuinely proud we also feel, do have a fear that being without romantic connection will leave us unhappy, or worse that we are somehow broken. This feeling is terrifying and it sucks, and the fact that it’s reinforced and probably created by our amatonormative society means that there needs to be a change.

Finally, we are who we are. I'm pretty sure its not a challenging opinion anymore to say that you can't choose who you love, and that means aros are just as valid as any other identity. So I'll restate: we're stuck in a society that says either that who we are is impossible and we're going to end up somewhere we don’t want to be, or that who we are is horrible and will leave us fundamentally unhappy.

(If parts of this sound combative or frustrated, that’s because I am. We are. Sometimes, even often, it feels like society hates the very concept of aromantic people, and most others it feels like we’re just invisible. I personally don’t have the courage to talk about this in real life but all of the frustration has to go somewhere, so...)

I hope that this post helps you relate a little better to the problems that aros face. This post is partially meant for aspec people who want something to relate to, so I'd be really happy if other aros and aspec people weigh in, even/especially if its to point out the places where I'm overgeneralizing or just plain wrong. I'm not any kind of expert on this, it's obviously just my thoughts.

This is even more important because I'd also hope that this gets to non-aspecs and gives you some insight into our experiences with amatonormativity, because we are a pretty small community and if the world is going to get safer for us we need your help. If this post makes sense to you, please share it, because people need to hear it.

I don’t have a solution to the problems presented here, though the staples of this kind of thing are important: include aspecs, in your fiction and your discussions. think before you say something that might erase or dehumanize us, and if an aspec person tells you something you said was hurtful to them, listen. don’t constantly push romance onto people. (specifically @ some allo aces, many/most of you are fine but you know who you are, don’t put romantic stuff in our tags please god why). more generally, it would be really cool to start tagging things as romance or romance mention because some of us are romance repulsed and don’t want to be surprised by that stuff.

(Finally, because this post does talk a lot about religion, I do want to mention that I don’t mean to trivialize or take away from what religious minorities face, or say that our problems are one to one identical. Please let me know if some part of this is offensive because that's not my intention at all.)

TLDR: Since people seem to have trouble understanding how alienated aspec people feel in a society whose values are fundamentally hostile to our existence, here’s an example that might be more relatable.

[appleflavoredkitkats]

Y'all I fucking love the villagers so much and I'm sad no one talks about them a lot??

So have some headcanons under the cut.

Nabulungi

- She loves flowers, like, a lot. She's very fascinated with them, so much so she started her own flower-crown making shop. At the same time, this place kinda is a mini book shop because Arnold started writing a lot so he'd make up maybe small short stories for the villagers to practice reading. The shop has this Tumblr-aesthetic feel to it, and when Arnold brought Nabulungi back to the US, I think they'd open up a proper book-flower crown store.

- I would think that Nabulungi might be pansexual, so with that, she used to date Sadaka when they were in their mid-teens. They might've thought at some point their best-friendship can excel even more, but after three months, they decided it was a platonic relationship. Nabulungi and Sadaka kinda are sensitive about this topic, so they don't bring it up that often. Though, after a week, they turned to be best friends again and never plan to break their friendship.

- She probably is the best English-speaker in her village (and maybe one of the best in Uganda who knows) and usually Nabulungi might hold some English-teaching lessons for the Ugandans. That's probably how they learned how to speak English.

- With her typewriter, I like to think she holds a small journal with pages made out of her typewriter. The journal contains all the thoughts of Nabulungi with her experience in Kitguli along with the elders (and maybe the rest of the villagers too).

- When the general turned good and returned all the stolen things, Arnold got his camera back. At some point he probably took a video of Nabulungi and fell in love. So, Arnold probably started asking Nabulungi to model in some of his pictures.

- Though I like the thought of Nabulungi having an interest in flowers, I think she'd be a great nurse as well. With most of the village suffering a disease, I'd like to think Nabulungi is always there to help them. She loves the village so much (they're like her family) and always checks on everyone if they're feeling okay or not. This probably started when Mafala, her father, started getting sick frequently. Nabulungi likes caring for him, and eventually her interest in helping people grew.

Sadaka

- Sadaka usually gets nicknames from the villagers and the elders for some reason, and she's used to it. It's started with her father (I headcanon her father to be Gotswana) who called her "Sazzy Dazzy" and "Stardaka" in public and people just kept adding on with nicknames. The elders like to call her "Sad Sad" as a joke (Connor said, "If Kevin calls me Con Con, you should be called Sad Sad!"), and her boyfriends liked to call her "Lioness", "Slaydaka", or simply "Sazz". Nabulungi once asked her what name she would change her name to if she had the opportunity, and Sadaka chose the name Bianca. Naba asked why and she just said she saw it in a magazine she found and liked it.

- Throughout her life, Sadaka had bad encounters with romance. First, it failed with Nabulungi, and then when Connor came around, she really really liked him, (but you know what happened to Connor). So, she was a bit heartbroken until she mean other Elders, starting with Elder Davis. They both kinda fell in love with their fondness towards animals, and then Elder Zelder came in and they kinda both had the same vigor and wildness. So, it kinda turned into a healthy poly relationship with the three.

- Sadaka has a love for animals. There's a pack of lions which she really loves and treats as family, but really, she can make friends with any animal. During wild animal attacks in the village, all the villagers needed to call was their "Animal Whisperer" and the animals would calm down immediately. (Also, Sadaka is accused of being a furry sometimes, which makes her furious.)

- With her fondness towards animals, Sadaka would want to become a vet. She knows the basics already, treating hurt wild animals, but she strives to learn more. Eventually, when she gets her studies right, she would love to open an animal clinic in the village so she can help the villagers love the animals instead of just plain out hate them.

- Since she wants to be a vet, she looks up to her father, Gotswana, a lot. Usually, when she was young, she would visit her father in the clinic and try to observe what he was doing to his patients, even if it was surgery. Gotswana was a big inspiration to Sadaka, so of course, she loves her dad very much.

- Sadaka is wild, like really wild. Despite her serious dreams, she likes to be informal all the time. She's sassy, she's cool, she's a prankster, she's just wild, like I said. She's like the rebel of the village, as she didn't really like the serious attitudes of the other villagers. So, she just wants to try her best adding some wild fun in the village.

Kimbay

- She and Elder Church have a very close mother-son relationship. I think Elder Church's and Kimbay's family members have died at some point (Church's mom and Kimbay's baby might've died from a sickness, Church's father is imprisoned, and Kimbay's husband was killed by the general) and they really supported each other through these tough times. They met in an accident, where Kimbay accidentally hurt Church too hard in a wrestling match, and basically everything escalates from there.

- I like to think Kimbay is a genius. She might be the brains of the village, usually helping people when they have some problem they can't solve. Basically, she's the problem-fixer, and with her wit, people appointed her to be the teacher of the school. As a teacher, she loved educating students and helping these students to strive for a future bigger than her own.

- Kimbay, knowing how bad the state of the village is, usually tries helping the village by maybe helping Kalimba with her cooking service and making simple clothes for the villagers. When the general used to steal their things, Kimbay alongside some other helpers try their best replacing the things the general has stolen like making food for them, making clothes that can replace the stolen ones, etc.

- The Book of Arnold was probably one of the biggest inspirations to her, and she probably is one of the main people who speaks out and proselytizes for her religion. It really had brought her hope. So, I think she would transfer from village to village alongside some friends she has and try their best spreading the religion to a lot of the villages in Uganda. But not every proselytizing session is a success, but when it is, she is the main one who baptizes the people into the religion.

- Kimbay is a strong woman and loves children a lot (since she is a teacher and all) and one time the village was rampaged by other warlords (this is post BoM) and in her part of protecting the village, she did her best fighting for the children. Thankfully, she succeeded, and scared of the warlords, leaving no one harmed.

- Kimbay also runs the Kafe from time to time, usually just there for the purpose of getting paid and help people go through stuff. She isn't fond of alcohol so she kinda thinks coffee is a better way of drowning your sorrows. She also likes giving some people counseling while they drink coffee. (maybe except for Elder Price, he was a fucking douche (but we all still love him))

Kalimba

- Darlesia and Kalimba are both in a relationship, both together since their early twenties. Their relationship isn't completely lovey-dovey and cute, though, they're usually rowdy and sassy, maybe playfully insulting each other daily. They like making fun of each other and out-sassing each other, but even with all these joke arguments, they love each other dearly.

- Kalimba is the main cook of the village and helps Mutumbo with the animals in the farm (mainly because that's her source of food). Her cooking's amazing and she doesn't like the American dishes the elders make so she teaches them how to make true Ugandan dishes.

- After the fear of warlords kinda toned down in the village, I like the concept of them actually starting to form a small group of leaders and defenders for their town. So, the idea of being the main leader or mayor or whatever came around and the villagers definitely wanted wanted some leader to help guide them. Mafala obviously ran for it, but with enough convincing from Darlesia, Kalimba ran for it too. Sadly, she didn't win, but she still is a vice leader who would help Mafala and the villagers when Mafala is down. (And she's pretty damn good at being a leader)

- The most popular dish in Kitguli is the infamous "Nsenene" which is basically fried crickets. Majority of the town love nsenene and tried cooking their own variation to the point that people wanted a Nsenene Day where they held a competition on who cooked the best fried cricket. Kalimba usually participates with the help of Darlesia and usually becomes the winner or gets a high place in the rankings. (Other villagers like Nabulungi and Mafala join, but also people who don't cook get to taste evertone's nsenene for free)

- Since Kimbay donates clothes, Kalimba donates food. She likes to make food for the really hungry people who can't afford food just because she wants to help others. She was at that state once when she was younger with her family dying, and she only had herself for support. She didn't want others to suffer the same fate as her.

- Kalimba loves to fuck with the elders--well, most of the villagers do too. But, she is the main initiator, usually just doing it out of boredom to just drive the elders insane. Once, she made a horde of pigs chase after the elders and they were left breathless.

Darlesia

- Darlesia likes to make bracelets out of simple materials. Each bracelet she makes has some secret symbolism through them, and she at least had given everyone in the village including the elders a bracelet that represents who they are.

- She runs a spa in the village which gets tons of business quickly. The village is always in distraught so people would come to her spa to just chill and relax.

- When Kalimba is grumpy, Darlesia is usually the sweetheart in these situations. She's very patient and stops joke arguing for a moment and does her massaging skills to help calm down the pissed off Kalimba. She'd lay on the bed and just massage her the way she likes it, then they sleep together right afterwards.

- Even if she fake argues with Kalimba a lot, she's a total sweetheart. She's like the mom of the village, usually the one who reminds everyone to stay healthy and be happy. She's usually the peace maker of the villager, usually helping angry villagers to relax. This is probably the reason why her spa is one of the best spas in Uganda.

- Darlesia has beautiful freckles and Nabulungi once told her that her freckles remind her of her mom. Nabulungi tells everyone with freckles that their freckles are like Skin Stars because they look like small stars on your face. Darlesia appreciates her freckles because of that. (Sometimes she also likes watching Connor because his freckles remind her of her own freckles.)

- Weekly, she has yoga sessions near a tree where she helps the villagers relax and stretch. She also has some breathing excercises to help them feel calm, and maybe she meditates as well just because she wants people to relax, damnit.

General Butt-Fucking Naked

- It was uneasy when the general first came in the village, people would glare at them or spat at them. But with some help from Mafala, Darlesia, Nabulungi, and the elders, they helped him and the other members change. One step that made them refreshen themselves a bit is to remove the nicknames they gave for themselves and use their real names, for the general, it was Koni. And as time passes, they became a part of the community, and a very important one as well.

- With the unused weapons, Mafala assigned them to be the defenders of the village. After convincing the village to turn the cave from a wrestling ring to a small police station, Kitguli had gotten a lot safer. When there was trouble, they'd rush to the rescue, especially when other warlords came to attack. They really improved themselves and changed for the village's safety.

- Weirdly enough, these people loved to dance. They thought it was weird when they were warlords so they ignored it, but when they were accepted in Kitguli, they held zumba sessions for the village to energize with them.

- The villagers, when they started to fully accept the gang, held a small feast for them and their changes. Koni was really shocked, as well as the rest, and was really touched by the occassion to the point Koni cried of happiness. They all hugged it out in the end anyway.

- okay but do u ever think their gang is like,,, a group of friends who are just "dude i would die for you but no homo"

- I also like to think they'd be badass rockstars. They probably just started people discovering Koni can play the guitar, then they realized the others can play instruments as well, so they just kinda rock out when there's a party.

Ghali

- He's like the old grandpa of the village, maybe that kind of person who would scream for you to get off of their lawn when you barely stepped in it. He's also that traditional wisdom person who would go "back in my day..." whenever he sees Nabulungi holding her typewriter or when anyone shows him new technology.

- He loves his religion because it actually gave him hope as an old person who has no family, but at the same time he dislikes some of the elders because he thinks they're irrationally too good looking to be an actual person. It's not like he's saying it likes the elders, but he's just somewhat in disbelief on how perfect they look. (it disturbs him, really, he thinks they're aliens)

- He probably is the conspiracy theorist of the group who believes in ghosts and aliens and all that. He usually looks out for Elder Neeley because he's scared that Neeley is an actual alien and has a twin alien. (hello welcome to kitguli unsolved where we solve unsolved mysteries and im elder ghali)

- People might think he's old and grumpy but when you really get to know him, he speaks of when he actually had a family and how happy he was before. But at some point he realizes that the village is basically his new family and becomes really thankful for everyone there helping him.

- He's probably the expert of Kitguli meaning he knows the history of his village and practically knows who everyone here is. If they need help solving a crime they usually ask Ghali for help identifying places and people in the village. With his knowledge of Kitguli, he eventually started being a detective helping Koni and his group fight for justice.

- Since he's usually alone and has nothing to do, he usually feeds stray dogs and cats who pass by his hut. Since he has some leftovers usually, he gives the cats and dogs food, eventually making the stray cats and dogs fond of him. He even started keeping some of the cats and dogs since he knows no one in the villgae (except maybe Sadaka) would actually keep and adopt these little critters.

Mafala

- After Nabulungi's mom (I named her mom Kamali) died, Mafala became a hardworking father for his daughter. He did his best to protect his sweet daughter from harm, even fighting off some warlords so that she wouldn't get hurt

- He has a history of fighting warlords since Kamali has died protecting Nabulungi from horrid warlords. He knows every single kind and he knows who these warlords are. He notes them down and tells the village to be wary of them. He also tries his best finding each of the warlords' weaknesses so he can help the village prepare for an attack when they come to the village.

- He and Gotswana are constantly arguing on who's the better daughter between Sadaka and Nabulungi. When they meet up, they would often bring up a new good thing their daughter has done and try to counter the other. These fight usually just end with them glaring at each other or Sadaka and Nabulungi would both be really disappointed at them for comparing the two (since, you know, they're best friends).

- He and Mutumbo constantly argue about this one damn chicken who each person claims is theirs. They usually fight for different objects that they claim is theirs, really, but it usually ends with one other villager complaining about the arguments and they would just get the item for themselves making neither person win the argument.

- He is very protective of the villagers and elders. He sacrifices and does his best for the safety of everyone, always putting himself last during dangerous situations. He claims that anything wrong that has happened to anyone will be his responsibility and he needs to take care of the problem himself.

- Without the elders and villagers knowing, he usually goes to Kampala and negotiate with the mission president at times. He is the reason why the elders probably still stick around because he does his best convincing the president that what they have done to the village was for the best and it really changed every person there to be happier. The president usually gets defeated in these negotiations and just continues to support the elders and give them funds.

Mutumbo

- After believing in the Book of Arnold, he had started making up better philosophies to believe in instead of believing in whatever his family believes. And these philosophies, inspired by the Book of Arnold, are usually changing him for the better, eventually making him the best speaker of the town. He usually preaches about the book and also does his best making a speech on his thoughts and interpretations.

- This also makes him a very good psychiatrist or counselor. His wisdom really grew to help people even the elders started seeking help from him when Gotswana's ways were too eh to them. His counseling actually works for his clients and eventually he a got a new job helping people through his words.

- Eventually, Nabulungi started letting him borrow her typewriter so that he can start writing out his speeches because people in the village really wanted to remember all his speeches. So, when he wrote all his speeches down, Arnold did his best putting it all in one book so that it can be a separate novel from the Book of Arnold.

- With his wisdom growing, he also started making comedic mockery towards the real leaders of Uganda. A lot of the villagers loathe their leaders because of their lack of action, so, he made this small play which mocked the leaders and it really amused the town. Despite that, he also wrote down different things he thought about Uganda's leaders and Uganda itself, questioning why things are like this and like that.

- If he doesn't write and he usually just starts thinking about what speeches he'll make, he usually gets a small tube floater and go to the lake to cool down. Once he's relaxed, he just stay there and brainstorm.

- He someday wants to pursue a career in writing with Arnold as his main inspiration. He wants to write about his small community, the Kitguli Village, and hope to publish it one day so people in the outside world could see the struggles they faced. He hoped he can make a difference to suffering villages like his so that poor countries like his can strive again.

Gotswana

- Though he's a bit of a douchebag, this guy knows his stuff. That's probably why he became a doctor. As a child, he strived to finish his education and actually go to college. When he got his degree, he went back to Kitguli so that he can become a doctor and actually start helping the village. And it did change a lot, less people would get sick because of him, and he would make small talks to the village on how to keep healthy and live longer.

- He lost his wife to the same reason on why Mafala lost his wife, through terrible warlords. Despite the arguments, Mafala and him like to talk about their struggles as single parents and they just liked to talk about how proud they were of their daughters instead of arguing for once.

- Since he's a doctor, he's probably the richest in the town, and actually has a generator in his hut. He doesn't have many electrical appliances, but he does have a few. So, some villagers like to sneak in just to use them because they're usually lazy to do it the traditional way. Gotswana, at some point, got used to it even if they were sneaking in at 3AM.

- Because of his generator, when it is hot in Uganda, the villagers reverse camp inside the room where it has air conditioning. Even if it might be an invasion on Gotswana and Sadaka's personal space, it was nice to have friends over for socializing once in a while.

- They actually have wifi. So, the elders come over with maybe cheap phones and computers and usually call their families from the US there with Skype. Sometimes, though, Gotswana likes pulling pranks on them while they call, like acting like there's something wrong happening so they can scare the parents, or maybe insert himself in the conversation and say something horrible like "oh the lions are out today by the way".

- As a doctor, he pledges that he someday will find a way to cure the diseases the villagers are suffering through. The main reason he actually wanted to become a doctor is to help the village he grew up in. Even if he's far from reaching his goal, he still works on it, hoping to end the diseases once and for all.

Okay that's all but feel free to add more, folks!

[quranreadalong]

#3, Surah 2

THE QURAN READ-ALONG: DAY 3

We’re almost... ten percent done with this horribly long surah. Today we’re going to cover 2:40-2:74, which is “Previously on Allah Talks To Prophets...”. In this case, Moses (or Musa).

2:40 and 2:41 are neutral introductory verses addressed to the Jews, telling them to fulfill “the covenant” by accepting Islam. To briefly explain: a large Jewish community lived in Medina. Before he actually moved there, Mohammed believed that they'd be accepting of his message. But, uh, they weren't. They didn't believe him at all. Over time, this would cause Mohammed to hate them, but not yet. This part of the surah was likely “revealed” not long after Mohammed and his crew arrived in the city, so while he was annoyed by the Jews, his rants against them weren't too full of frothing rage at this stage, at least compared to later suwar.

Allah continues:

Confound not truth with falsehood, nor knowingly conceal the truth. Establish worship, pay the poor-due, and bow your heads with those who bow (in worship). Enjoin ye righteousness upon mankind while ye yourselves forget (to practise it)? And ye are readers of the Scripture! Have ye then no sense?

Those three seem like good ayat when you ignore the context--the context being that Mohammed was accusing the Jews of lying about Allah and the Torah, and trust me y'all, we'll talk a lot more about that later on. “The poor-due” used throughout Pickthall’s translation is usually in reference to the zakat tax, the proceeds of which go to various groups including soldiers, tax collectors, the poor, etc. More on that later. 2:45 is also good, to a lesser extent, urging people to ask for patience while the following ayah reminds them that all will return to Allah.

Then we’re back in neutral recap territory, reminding us of Allah favoring the “children of Israel”. And then all that goodness and fluff goes straight into the bad crapper:

And guard yourselves against a day when no soul will in aught avail another, nor will intercession be accepted from it, nor will compensation be received from it, nor will they be helped.

Now, I’m not gonna include that in the kuffar hell counter, because it’s not explicitly mentioning either, but the “no one can save you from hell” thing is still pretty grim tbh!

So, too, is the threat of Allah’s “trials” and tests of faith, which pop up repeatedly throughout the Quran. The Biblical story about how the Egyptians were killing Jewish children, for example, is described as “a tremendous trial from your Lord”. What kinda over-the-top test is that?! But it does at least lead us from ranting about Mohammed's contemporary Jews to discussing the deeds of past Jews.

2:50-53 are yet more bland neutral recaps, this time about how the Egyptians were going to kill the Hebrews, how Yahweh/Allah saved them and drowned the Pharaoh’s army, how the Hebrews went astray by worshiping the golden calf while Moses was away, how Allah gave Moses the Ten Commandments, etc. All of that is just an abbreviated version of the Moses story in the Torah.

And then we get our first (bad) instance of Allah commanding death! Moses informs his people, regarding the calf-worshiping incident, that:

Ye have wronged yourselves by your choosing of the calf (for worship) so turn in penitence to your Creator, and kill (the guilty) yourselves. That will be best for you with your Creator and He will relent toward you. Lo! He is the Relenting, the Merciful.

("Allah is Merciful, so kill the idolators” is an incredible concept.)

Now 2:55-56 is the first of two parts in this section where I believe Mohammed may have made some serious errors in recounting Jewish stories. These ayat tell us that the Hebrews didn’t believe Moses was communicating with Allah. “How do we know you’re not just insane and making this all up?”, they asked... prompting Allah to send a lightning strike in reply. A lightning strike that killed them?! And then Allah brought them back to life so they would believe in Allah and be grateful that he (killed them and then) revived them??!?!

Very bad! But where on earth did this come from? It’s not in the Bible or any Jewish literature that I can find. Here is my theory. In the Book of Exodus, chapter 19, God tells Moses that he will allow the Hebrews to hear his voice so they will believe in him forever (19:9). Three days later, this happens:

On the morning of the third day there was thunder and lightning, with a thick cloud over the mountain, and a very loud trumpet blast. Everyone in the camp trembled.  Then Moses led the people out of the camp to meet with God, and they stood at the foot of the mountain.

Moses then receives the Ten Commandments in chapter 20, as the thunder and lightning continue, scaring those down below.

When the people saw the thunder and lightning and heard the trumpet and saw the mountain in smoke, they trembled with fear. They stayed at a distance and said to Moses, "Speak to us yourself and we will listen. But do not have God speak to us or we will die."

They were not actually killed by the lightning. They just saw the lightning (that came from God’s presence) and were afraid that they would die. Like the Quran’s story, this was God’s attempt to prove that he existed to the Hebrews around the time of Moses receiving the Ten Commandments. It seems like Mohammed perhaps misinterpreted the story above as being about God/Allah striking the Hebrews rather than being about the Hebrews being afraid of being struck.

Anyway, uh... after that... incident... we go back into more neutral territory. Allah sends the now non-idolatrous Hebrews mana to save them from starvation. Moses makes twelve springs of water flow from a rock to save them from thirst. Allah allows the Jews to go into towns to eat and sleep, as long as they say a certain prayer. But some mix up the words, resulting in punishment from above again, which is a bad bizarre story we will look at in more detail in a later surah. Again some details here are not present in the Biblical story--in the Bible, Moses creates just one miraculous spring from a rock, but later on they come across twelve regular springs. I think Mohammed mixed them up.

The Jews start complaining about having to eat mana all the time and we’re back to Allah being a bad jerk in 2:61: “humiliation and wretchedness were stamped upon them and they were visited with wrath from Allah”. This verse also says that the Jews killed some prophets or something but I have no idea what it’s referring to, nor does the Quran say which prophets we're talking about. What prophets in or before Moses' era were killed by Jews..? This accusation is repeated several times, mostly against the Jews of Medina, and we’ll look at it more in-depth later.

Now then... in a bit of a jarring transition, we come across a good but confusingly phrased verse. 2:62 reads:

“Those who believe (in that which is revealed unto thee, Muhammad), and those who are Jews, and Christians, and Sabaeans - whoever believeth in Allah and the Last Day and doeth right - surely their reward is with their Lord, and there shall no fear come upon them neither shall they grieve.”

The Quran is quite clear on who can get into jannah or heaven (only those who are Muslim). But note here it says those who believe in Mohammed’s words and some other members of Abrahamic religions will go to heaven. Yet as we will see later, the Quran also explicitly says that anyone who does not believe Mohammed is a prophet will go to hell (repeatedly), and says in many places that Christians in particular are hellbound. (Also, for the record, no Muslim scholars know for sure who the “Sabians” are; they may have been Mandaeans.)

So, about this ayah in particular, what does it mean? Ibn Kathir states that it refers to Jews, etc of previous generations and those who had not heard Mohammed’s “revelations” yet. They are allowed into heaven, as they have done nothing wrong. Only those who have heard Mohammed’s “revelations” (i.e., in his contemporary era) and deny that he is a prophet are hellbound.

So... uh. I’ll still call that good. Relatively speaking. There’s another variant of this same thought later on that clarifies matters further in a less tolerant direction.

Next up is another neutral recap of Allah complaining about how he was nice to the Jews and they were ungrateful. But now we get into some really uncomfortable territory. The two following bad ayat are used frequently today, and have been used frequently in the past, to justify antisemitism.

And ye know of those of you who broke the Sabbath, how We said unto them: Be ye apes, despised and hated! And We made it an example to their own and to succeeding generations, and an admonition to the God-fearing.

The implication here is that the Jews who broke the Sabbath were literally turned into animals and “despised and hated”. This is only one of multiple references to Allah turning Jews into animals--it’s a treatment only the Jews get. It is referred to later on as a “curse”, as we will see when we read the whole appalling incident. This is not in any Jewish text, as far as I know. I suspect Mohammed got this idea from the Talmud, not in a story about the Sabbath, but instead in the Tower of Babel story,

the faction that said: Let us ascend to the top of the tower and wage war, became apes, and spirits, and demons

But push that aside for a moment, because we’ve come to the moment of truth. THE COW.

2:67-74 is an absolutely bizarre but neutral story. Allah tells Moses to get the Hebrews to kill a specific cow. “Do you take us in ridicule?”, they (hilariously) ask, but Moses is 100% serious. Sighing, they try to guess which cow they are meant to slaughter, and they figure out Allah wants them to kill a yellow cow, specifically. So they do that. At some point a guy dies and no one knows who killed him, so Allah tells them to touch the dead guy’s corpse with a piece of meat from the cow, which revives the dead guy, who tells them who killed him?!?!?! But then the Hebrews still disobeyed Allah.

I.... what?! I have looked for some precedent for this story in some Jewish story, but I can’t find anything about a yellow cow. There is, however, a Biblical story about a red cow. Let me lay out my theory for what happened here.

This is God talking to Moses in the Book of Numbers:

Speak unto the children of Israel, that they bring thee a red heifer, faultless, wherein is no blemish, and upon which never came yoke. And ye shall give her unto Eleazar the priest, and she shall be brought forth without the camp, and she shall be slain before his face.

The cow’s body is burned and its ashes are placed in a jar with water. The contents of this jar are then used to ritually purify those who have come into contact with a corpse.

This, on the other hand, is from the Book of Deuteronomy:

If a slain person is found lying in the open country in the land which the LORD your God gives you to possess, and it is not known who has struck him, then your elders and your judges shall go out and measure the distance to the cities which are around the slain one. It shall be that the city which is nearest to the slain man, that is, the elders of that city, shall take a heifer of the herd, which has not been worked and which has not pulled in a yoke; and the elders of that city shall ... break the heifer’s neck there in the valley ... and say, ‘Our hands did not shed this blood, nor did our eyes see it. ‘Forgive Your people Israel whom You have redeemed, O LORD, and do not place the guilt of innocent blood in the midst of Your people Israel.’

Okay, so... uh. Let’s put this together. Mohammed heard this story about a cow of a certain color being sacrificed in order to obtain its ashes, which would restore someone who touched a corpse to purity.

Then he heard this other story about how a different cow, not of any specific color, should be sacrificed if there is an unsolved murder. This wouldn’t really accomplish anything other than making sure YHWH/Allah isn’t mad about it.

In his mind, though, he seems to have believed that these two were referring to the same incident... and that the goal of the sacrifice wasn’t merely to restore the purity of someone who touched a corpse, but rather to restore the corpse itself, so that people could know who killed him!! Allah out here playing CSI Miami via animal sacrifice.

This is the second time that Allah revived a dead person just in this mini-Exodus story, by the way. Take that, Jesus.

But, uh, that’s the cow in question, as in the name of the surah. The magic cow that brings dead guys back to life with its steak. Yep.

Next time: The Kuffar Hell Counter returns!

The Quran Read-Along: Day 3

Ayat: 34

Good: 5 (2:42-45, 2:62)

Neutral: 21 (2:40-41, 2:46-47, 2:50-53, 2:57-58, 2:60, 2:63-64, 2:67-74)

Bad: 8 (2:48-49, 2:54-56, 2:59, 2:61, 2:65-66)

Kuffar hell counter: 0

⇚ previous day | next day ⇛

[thelighthousemp3]

that post about school shootings was absolutely TERRIFYING, and I think it really put things into perspective in ways I'd never thought of? I went to school in Canada, so we actually would occasionally have a drill but it never felt like it was much of a reality. so I would love wandering the halls while everyone was in class, taking my time while coming back from the washroom. I never once feared coming to school in the morning. and until just now I never thought of how odd that was, how I 1/2

2/2 was able to just comfortably let my guard down and act normally but not everyone can do that? it's something that I don't think I ever really thought of? even thinking now of having to had acted differently, of having to be fearful at school, like it sounds insane. I hate the very concept of it. I don't even think I can properly conceptualize what you guys go through but this brought me a bit closer and oh my god I hope you guys're okay like that's SO crazy, I don't know much for prayer 2/3

3/3 I desperately hope y'all can be safe and happy and comfortable one day and just live your lives!! I desperately hope you can get the gun control you need! you guys deserve a normal childhood and it's so sickening that people have tried to take it away. until then I hope you're safe and I hope you never actually have to have your fears become reality. love you!!

yeah going to school in the united states is pretty much terrifying!! i remember once when i was in the seventh grade we had a drill and it was probably the worst drill of my entire life because the back doors are purely see-through and the school for some gross reason made our janitor go out in a ski mask and start banging on the doors and a lot of us cried and we were really scared because we genuinely thought we might die which sucked considering that we were twelve years old? and it doesn’t even get any better! because we see it in the news literally every week and when it turned out that the shooters attended the school? makes us fear our own people. i was really active with the school shooting and gun control activism about 1-2 years when all of the walkout stuff was happening-- i organized two walkouts for my school and like gave speeches and made posters and shit but now i’m just so tired that we, literal children, have to be doing all of that. it’s just so so so exhausting. and with all of the school shootings? the government’s not gonna do shit for gun control. instead the schools start turning into prison. increased security and so much bullshit and we’re all just so tired about it??? at lunch we create plans of action-- what we would do if a shooting actually happened. we actually have a very clear plan on what we would do. it crops up into conversation like a lot. anyways i’m tired of white male american politicians who only care for profit and not lives. the united states is a dystopia!!! also this is one of the reasons i hate going to school. i wish i could go to school all dreamy and like have fun for once in my life. that being said, how do i move to canada

[annieoftheshitposts]

this post used to be a link to the old canons page but i’m turning it into a text dump of the revised one for people on mobile [or who have bad wifi/computers that the fancy schmancy script on the canons page wouldn’t play well with.] theres a lot sorry not sorry. here we go.

Canon Info

 Much more is said about Annie in external sources than the game itself, here's copypastes of all I know of and go by.

From the 3rd DLC Character Voting page:

As popular figures in nationwide folktales, a children’s television adaptation of Annie and Sagan’s adventures was inevitable. The show’s success lies in its pair of live action hosts, who are as convincing as their cartoon counterparts. Though what the public learns about the real Annie might surprise them. Annie is a seasoned fighter who has been around for a long time, acquiring many skills and powers along the way. Her sword is forged from a meteorite and can channel the power of the stars in its sweeping cleaves. Her right eye bonds her to her Remote Parasite and partner, Sagan, who grants her powers of a galactic motif. While some of her abilities carry more of a sparkly magical girl motif, Annie tries to execute them with the same sternness.

From "The canon info thread" on Skullheart Encore forums:

-Annie is several-century-old. Her immortality was gained when her parents wished on the Skull Heart so that Annie would never have to experience the hardship of adulthood, thereby making her forever a child. -She has had many different weapons and abilities throughout her life. - Sagan, her remote parasite. keeps her right eye in his mouth. - She’s physically not able to swear due to her condition - She is familiar with Double due to her experience fighting Skullgirls - Annie has encountered a lot of Skullgirls and has killed a lot, but not the same a lot. She’s seen the cycle multiple times and seen how they become stronger each time and is looking for the underlying source now. - The Annie of the Stars show is very similar to the Super Mario Bros. Super Show with live action segments with cartoons and PSAs and commercials in between. - Sagan can talk. Somehow. - Annie hides her immortality by getting a new hairstyle every few years. The show tells the audience that they have simply changed the actress. Eliza also pulls a similar trick

and finally some other misc. scraps that weren't covered above:

-annie has some kind of "super" or "powered up" form, in which she seems to fuse with sagan. it can be seen on her

move concept sheet, in the end of robo-fortune's story mode, and as a very tiny feature on one of robo-fortune's merch posters, but to my knowlege it's never really been talked about.

-she's been depicted with an "incognito outfit", presumably for going out in public and not being recognized by fans.

-sagan is named after renowned astrophysicist carl sagan. this isnt really relevant to anything but it's not on the wiki so i figured i'd share :b

-and this random pic of annie in the past with a different look, plus gun and minus eyepatch, apparently official art from the "digital art compendium". i haven't seen the source for this one myself though, and count this one more as speculative canon since that ingame image up there with her eye uncovered doesn't show a scar or any kind of damage from this.

-another canon fact about annie is she is strong and brave and i love her.

Headcanon (Annie)

this is pretty disorganized bc i come up with and revise random shit on a fairly regular basis, but the very least it should be all here and up-to-date. [though on this text post version i may forget to keep it updated oops.

she can still only normally see from the one eye in her head [and likewise probably has terrible depth perception lmao], but she can “project” her vision into the one sagan has if need be, during which time both he and her main eye are blind.

even though sagan’s vision is his own and she doesn’t actively “see” through that eye most of the time, the stuff he sees still becomes part of her memory and she can recall it if need be, though it’s far less tangible and kind of a surreal experience trying to do so.

the space where her other eye was is now just...space. like empty starry void stuff. yes, TECHNICALLY, you could put stuff in it but why would you. sagan can feel when something interacts with it and it’s really just weird and uncomfortable for both of them.as sagan is the source of their powers, the strength of her abilities is slightly dependent on her distance from him. something like long sustained flight is really only capable if they’re touching, but she still has ample firepower and ability to zip around for a pretty good range otherwise.

Not interested in anime

absolutely hates being called her full name; hasn't gone by anything other than "Annie" for longer than anyone that should be alive today should know.

part of her curse of eternal youth is remembering everything up until the point it kicked in and she stopped aging [i.e. when she was Actually a kid] exactly as well as if she hadn’t aged.

from that point however, a lot of it is hazy as shit aside from more recent times [as you’d expect from someone who’s been around hundreds of years]. this one's gonna be angsty as shit when i address it and you can thank @sandstriker for that. fucker.

also hates being restrained. by the concept sheet and beo's story, her fighting style is very kinetic and relies heavily on mobility; take that away and you get one very uncomfortable and very angry starchild. [this one's 'cause of y'all with the handcuffs asks. this is part of why she's so agitated rn.]

what's in the pouch? whatever is alternatively convenient. is it snacks? is it a quick incognito disguise? is it her whole entire sword? who knows. i think it might be infinite hammerspace in there.

i haven't put much though into this side of her story yet, but i've decided part of the mythos of the "annie of the stars" character as a figure of legend is that she literally lives, among the stars.

if there's enough folktales about her to base an entire show off of, i'm willing to bet she used to be less elusive when she was just about fighting skullgirls before dedicating herself to the whole "looking for the underlying source" thing.

Headcanon (Sagan)

tl;dr: as far as things go here, he's essentially a cat and/or younger sibling.

Sagan's canon information and characterization is basically nonexistant, so i got to do pretty much whatever i wanted with him lmao.

simply put, he's a little gremlin of a partner, but he is genuinely good-natured and a happy-go-luckly little dude. mischevious, loves to get up to Shenanigans, go off and hide/disappear to fuck knows where for several hours, climb and sit on tall things[or failing that, annie's head], etc. @sawkinator has described him, regrettably accurately, as "the Token Disney Animal Sidekick". he has a lot of mannerisms like an animal, but is still very much a being of at least average human intelligence. he's also surprisingly indestructible. far from invincible of course, but in canon he's been shown to be quite stretchy and...possibly have minor shapeshifting capabilities?? he's pretty much immune to being squashed and feels very little [if any] pain from most things. really, as far as i can tell he's pretty much a weird sentient plushie. like, if it's not going to damage a plushie, it's not going to hurt him; examples being: getting knocked back really hard or falling a long way? not a problem. fire? problem.

Sagan tends to be somewhat nonverbal and generally only uses a few words or short phrase at a time when he does speak, which sounds something like the voice clip below. that being how it is, he can be kind of inscrutable and more than a bit jarring to most people--though at this point annie's been with him more than long enough to be completely desensitized to it and doesnt quite get why anyone would be perturbed. fortunately, with that familiarity also comes understanding, and she can easily "translate" and articulate more from his expressions. this understanding is a two-way street, and on its other side is sagan's sensitivity to her moods. annie's not particularly...communicative of her emotions, but sagan can always tell when she's having an off day or something's bothering her, and is far better than anyone at helping her feel better. all things said and quirky antics aside, he and annie are exceptionally close and fiercely protective of eachother the moment it comes to it. they don't make a big deal of showing it outwardly, but they know they've always got eachother's backs.

he's taken quite a liking to beowulf as well, and beo defintiely shamelessly enables sagan's shenanigans.

as i see it, annie may be the passion and power of their operation, but sagan is the heart and soul. beowulf is like....comic releif and emotional support. not entirely necessary, but certainly welcomed to have around. yeah. listen im a big sap i just want them all to be good friends ok. i love them.

also sagan does like and watch a lot of anime.

Blog Canon

miscellaneous happenings that either have continued relevance/significance, or y'all just won't let die. there's not a overarching plot to this thing at all, but geez we’ve kinda gathered some history here huh?

taught sagan to say fuck [and other swears, in her stead]. he used to have to do it on command but he's gotten really good at filling in for her.has a

stoat fursona that beo helped her make. she thinks it's neat/cute but has no real attachment to it.

attempted to sue the crystal gems for ripping off her entire shtick [it didn't go well]

beowulf also taught her how to dab.

@sparkeletran is a nuisance and must be stopped

the 70$ pile of high school musical merch. sagan and beo both wear the t-shirts sometimes. she hates it. don't let her attitude fool you though this is actually the best and most important ongoing joke in this whole damn thing.

the first handcuffs stint. they’re gone now but they had a good ~30-post run, and she did take to learning lockpicking because of it.

this.

hey. guess fucking what lads. handcuffs ROUND TWO 'cause y'all just don't fuckin' quit. the first mini story arc sorta thing, in which she visits the cirque des cartes and has an aggravting encounter with taliesin. [currently ongoing][hopefully soon ending]

[[redacted for ""spoilers""]] due to said encounter with taliesin

sparkeletran is a nuisance,

"the official annie of the stars instagram is just cat memes but with sagan" it's canon but i haven't decided whether it's something she would have had already or a recent thing. [either way, hasn't been touched on yet due to the arc taking so long]

badart annie is sorta like her own thing at this point but nothing that happens with her is canon; she p much just shows up for exceptionally dumb posts. we did give her noclip though which is terrifying. on that note i may as well include the things that are Not canon but y'all won't let me forget

beo's animated belt thing. look. it doesnt talk.

spray-on boots.

the lawnmower weapon

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh homestuck

[calamity-bean]

Harlots 1.04 reactions

So, I LOVED THIS EPISODE. Tensions are rising all around, yes, in subtle and overt ways alike, and there are definitely many things being set up to go HORRIBLY WRONG, yes, but I loved it. And look how precious Lucy looks with her hair all up in curls!

What’s the etiquette about how long I have to wait before screaming about this ep publicly, btw? Or posting caps or gifs of it? ‘Cause, like, I don’t wanna spoil anything for anyone, but uh. I’ve got a lot of feelings. I will always tag #harlots spoilers on things from the most recent ep, but it’s difficult to know when things are considered fair game when it’s airing on different schedules and platforms internationally.

For now, spoilers below the cut. In which I offer unexpectedly Deep Thoughts™ about that final scene and ramble about my favorite bits — namely:

VIOLET + AMELIA + THE FEAST IN HELL

“There’s a story, about a feast in Hell...”

Oh my god, I am slain. I love these two. And oysters! Feeding each other oysters, for goodness’ sake. Would clams have been too on the nose, you think?

Then again, maybe those were clams. I don’t know how to tell shellfish apart. But I do know a beautiful blossoming sapphic romance when I see one, and I’m so glad that this one was not destined to be only subtext. And yes, Violet definitely moved a bit fast there — one wonders if women loving women is even a concept that exists in Amelia’s brain, sheltered as she is — but I can’t wait to see how Amelia reacts later on and where they do or do not go from here.

It’s also just lovely to see Amelia getting some independence from her mother. I feel for her, because one can plainly tell that she truly loves her mother and is devoted to her, so even though Florence is not a fave of mine, I sympathize with Amelia’s love. And with Florence’s love for Amelia in turn. Not to mention that I’m much more intrigued by Florence as of this episode than I was previously, given the revelation about her past!

HARRIET LENNOX DIDO, QUEEN OF CARTHAGE

Let’s just say that I, like Lord Repton, am impressed by Harriet’s performance here. I mean. Damn. I’ve been calling Nancy the dominatrix of my heart, but Harriet seems cut from the same cloth. I was pretty weak for her bossiness, I gotta say.

I really love Harriet, and although I sympathize with her initial resistance to taking this step and don’t want her to do anything she doesn’t want to, I have to agree that harloting stands her a better chance of earning enough money to buy her children’s freedom than simply being a kitchen maid did. That scene where she goes to see her kids and Benjamin sends them inside — HEARTBREAKING.

Honestly, fuck Ben Lennox and his pouty little face. My heart just, like, aches thinking of how much Harriet misses her kiddos, and I thought it was well-done and in-character that the thing that made her actually consider harloting in the first place was hearing about Kitty’s child.

And then we come to the end of the episode and holy SHIT:

I THOUGHT I WAS IMAGINING THE WEIRD SEXUAL TENSION BETWEEN CHARLOTTE AND HAXBY.

I WAS NOT.

I was ... not imagining it. 

Look — I already loved Edward Hogg from his roles in Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell and Taboo, so I suppose I’ve been trying to convince myself that the way he and Charlotte kept ... flirt-bickering in previous eps was just me projecting my feelings for him onto their interactions. Inflating his character’s importance in my head, y’know? I occasionally allowed myself to play with the idea that something like this would happen (despite more seriously shipping Charlotte with Marney), but I didn’t think it actually would!

Not that this is honestly a good turn of events, mind. A bit of frantic hate-sex up against a wall is not going to make Charlotte and Haxby actually like each other, and now more than ever, I suspect that this little war between them is going to end badly for them both. Probably worse for Haxby, considering he’s not, y’know, a main series protagonist. But I always foresaw this feud creating big problems for Charlotte somewhere down the line, and now it has even more potential than ever for very big problems indeed. For the nonce, though? To be honest, for the nonce, I can’t help but simply grin about my boy getting quality hate fucked. Didn’t really look like Mr. Haxby is the world’s most talented lover, so far as finesse goes, but at least he’s passionate!

More seriously, it’s a fascinating turn of events for both of them, from a characterization perspective. Fun to see Haxby both literally and metaphorically so much less buttoned-up than usual, yes, dropping his priggish, holier-than-thou attitude so readily, but the real point of interest is, of course, Charlotte. A major theme throughout this episode is that she is losing control. Despite what she says in her handjob lesson to Lucy about how men and their dicks are the easiest things in the world to manage, Charlotte is losing her grip on Howard, and she’s losing her grip on herself when it comes to Marney.

So, fucking Haxby? Was about regaining control. It was about her being upset and angry and set aside and disregarded and betrayed by both Howard and her own feelings, and then here comes this jerk who always acts so superior to her, so it’s about literally grabbing this jackass by the dick and regaining control in the way that Charlotte is used to controlling men. Even snooty Haxby can’t resist her, yeah? It was an impulsive and bitter and aggressive act, but in the moment, at least, I think it gave her back a sense of power.

The consequences ... I’m not sure what the consequences will be. She could leverage it against Haxby, or he could leverage it against her. As much as I like the idea that they could possibly overcome their differences, I doubt it will suddenly be sunshine and kittens between them now, let’s just say that.

Other Things:

Lucy catching the eyes of Lords Fallon & Osborne? NOT GOOD, Y'ALL. NOT HEARTENED BY THIS TURN OF EVENTS.

I feel so protective of Lucy, I am so afraid for her. This poor girl has already been through way too much and I just ... want to fight anyone who would dare harm her. Just having to be a harlot is obviously traumatic enough for her, not to mention her time at the Reptons; plleeeease don’t throw her to the mercy of the likes of Fallon and Osborne, too...

Holy shit, it’s Lydia without her makeup and wig! I scarcely recognized her. She looks so normal!

Emily and Charles ... Charles and Emily. I kind of love their relationship? I don’t know. He’s a fool for sure, and she can be a bit of a fool, too, and it’s almost endearing to see him try to stand up to Mama, but mostly it just makes me cringe. Emily’s not among my favorites, but I don’t wish any ill on her, and I hope she manages to escape at some point now that she’s starting to glimpse below the Quigley house’s gilded surface.

Since Emily’s so wrapped up in the Quigley side of the narrative, though, dare I suspect that one of her big roles in the narrative might be to stumble upon some information regarding the kidnappings...?

Good for Marie-Louise for jumping ship, though. She’s a businesswoman. Sees an opportunity, seizes it. I like her.

We’re four eps in and I’m only now figuring out what the heck Josef Altin’s character, like, is. (i.e., He’s also a sex worker.) Up till now he was just spying and loitering sneakily and I didn’t quite know what his deal was. I still do not, however, know his name. I’m sure they said it, but I didn’t catch it. Altin’s not listed on the show’s IMDb, for some reason (neither is Ed Hogg??), so I can’t even check there. I’ve just been calling him Pyp. I suspect that even if I do manage to pick up his name, I will continue to call him Pyp.

Anyway, the point of that tangent is that I really liked the outfit he was wearing for the masquerade.

Lord and Lady Repton continue to be the strangest humans, and I cringe a little thinking of what Marney must be putting up with in their employ. Marney, if they invite you out for hunting, fucking run.

Anyway, if y’all need me, I’ll be lowkey screaming inside about this episode till next week. You are always welcome to come scream your thoughts at me!