ok ok ok i'm thinking about aaron's trial and i want to preface by saying i know NOTHING about criminal law so. making this up as i go
but if aaron's defense hinges primarily on it not being premediated, and it was only in that very specific scenario in order to protect andrew, would they also call people he knew and who spent time with him to gauge whether he was normally violent or something? like if the jury needed to know whether this was definitely an extenuating circumstance or if aaron was the sort of person who would do something like that before taking a different action on purpose, if they took any kind of violent history into account when coming to a verdict
just cause i'm wondering if it's possible that they'd ever get katelyn to testify like obviously she wasn't a witness but her proximity to aaron would potentially give an insight into whether aaron was likely to have planned drakes death in advance (obviously he didn't know drake was there but ykwim)
i could see katelyn being called as like... a character witness or whatever it's called? aaron needs as much support as possible and it's likely that a bunch of people came out and said they'd stand behind him and talk about his character to prove that he's not a violent person, this is so unlike him, it was obviously an accident because he would never do something like this etcetc. i don't know if it'd necessarily be relevant to the outcome of the case itself, but if he WAS found guilty, i think it'd definitely be relevant to how lenient the judge is on his sentencing.
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off my medication, mental health is total shit, my bf is going out of their way to make me feel better, which is nice but also probably awful for them because lord knows I'm not very pleasant to be around right now
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do you ever see a person and you are overcome with incredible fondness? and you just think "oh." but not in a romantic or sexual way you are just filled with warmth and it makes you happy, it just does. and you think "i'm so happy you exist. i'm happy you are somewhere out there in the world, doing your thing". it's love but also not entirely
like people are lovely and i feel it in my entire chest like a burning candle that smells like roses and a sunny day
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
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personally i kinda of enjoy it even though i dont use they/them because it kinda implies someone has looked at me and assumed i'm not cis lol. and at least in my social circle it's more polite to go with they/them if you aren't sure
please reblog for sample size :] its research
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i need an excuse to get my shit together so here we go:
if this gets 50 notes i'll drink more water everyday
if this gets 100 notes i'll start cycling once a week and logging it
if this gets 200 notes i'll start eating more fruit
if this gets 500 notes i'll apply for a summer job
if this gets 1000 notes i'll actually make plans with my friends
if this gets 2000 notes i'll tidy my entire wardrobe
if this gets 5000 notes i'll get a better skincare routine
if this gets 10 000 notes i'll do something about my mental health
the numbers are intentionally high bc i really don't want to do any of this and yeah there is a deadline of the end of june
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